E9 - Get the Sports Festival Done!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    This is a work of fiction. The names of the people, places, and organizations
    are fictitious and in no way related to any real person or entity.
[00:14] Nokotan
    Well, well... It's spring, all right.
[00:19] Koshitan
    It's already our second spring
    since becoming third-years.
[00:23] Koshitan
    Hm?
[00:24] Anko
    More importantly, Onee-chan...
[00:26] Koshitan
    What?
[00:27] Anko
    Tomorrow's the sports festival.
    Should you really be relaxing here?
[00:34] Koshitan
    I'm not like those other student council
    presidents! I'm actually super efficient!
[00:40] Koshitan
    I already laid out a solid plan in advance
[00:42] Koshitan
    and finished getting ready
    for everything yesterday!
[00:46] Anko
    You're the best, Onee-chan!
[00:47] Koshitan
    I'm sure all those other
    student council presidents
[00:50] Koshitan
    are panicking and flailing around right
    about now, like grade-school kids
[00:53] Koshitan
    who put off their summer homework
    until the very end of summer vacation!
[00:58] Neko
    We've got trouble, President!
SIGN    Get the Sports Festival Done!
SIGN    Get the Sports Festival Done!
[02:35] Neko
    We've got trouble, President!
[02:37] Koshitan
    What's the matter, Nekoyamada-san?
[02:38] Neko
    Some of the relay batons broke,
    and now we don't have enough!
[02:42] Koshitan
    I see. Fear not.
[02:45] Koshitan
    I figured something like this might happen,
    so I bought extras. We can use those.
[02:49] Anko
    You're the best, Onee-chan!
[02:52] Koshitan
    There are no holes in my plan.
[02:53] Tanuki
    P-P-President! Some of the number bibs
    got ripped, and now we don't have enough!
[02:58] Koshitan
    Huh?
[02:59] Tanuki
    I-I-I'm probably being punished for
    only pretending to eat my bell peppers
[03:02] Tanuki
    and putting them on my dad's plate last night!
[03:06] Koshitan
    Calm down. That has nothing to do with this.
[03:08] Koshitan
    It's all right. I have extras of those,
    too, so we can just...
[03:11] Male Student A
    President! The giant ball for the
    giant ball roll has disappeared!
[03:14] Koshitan
    Huh?
[03:15] Girl student B
    President! The computer where the
    sports festival schedule was saved
[03:18] Girl student B
    just broke for no reason!
[03:20] Koshitan
    Wha?
[03:21] Male Student C
    President! Oshio-kun from the
    executive committee disappeared!
[03:24] Girl student D
    President! A kitten climbed up
    a tree and can't get back down!
[03:28] Male student E
    President! A fawn climbed up
    another tree and can't get back down!
[03:32] Koshitan
    Wait, wait, wait, just a...
SIGN    Deer Crackers
[03:33] Tsubame
    President.
[03:36] Tsubame
    The admission gate fell over
    and was destroyed.
[03:38] Koshitan
    Huh? What?!
SIGN    Admission Gate
[03:44] Koshitan
    Wh-Wh-Where do I even start?!
[03:46] Koshitan
    The admission gate first, right?
[03:47] Koshitan
    Or the giant ball? Wait, maybe Oshio?
[03:50] Koshitan
    No, the kitten... Or maybe the fawn?
[03:52] Koshitan
    What?!
[03:54] Nokotan
    Koshitan, you're like a grade-school kid
[03:57] Nokotan
    who put off her summer homework
    until the very end of summer vacation.
[04:03] Koshitan
    Fine! I need you all to help me!
[04:06] Nokotan
    Aw...
[04:07] Koshitan
    Don't "Aw..." me! You absolutely have time!
[04:09] Bashame
    Bashame does not have time.
[04:12] Koshitan
    Huh?
[04:13] Bashame
    Bashame needs to prepare
    for tomorrow's rice planting.
[04:16] Koshitan
    Why are you planting rice
    during a school festival?!
[04:18] Koshitan
    Save it for when you have nothing better to do!
[04:21] Anko
    I'll be happy to help you out, Onee-chan.
[04:24] Koshitan
    Thanks, Anko!
[04:27] Anko
    But I'll be expecting
    a little something in return.
[04:31] Koshitan
    On second thought, maybe not.
SIGN    The Next Day
[04:36] Ukai
    On your marks!
[04:38] Ukai
    Ready...
SIGN    Hino High
SIGN    White Team
[04:45] Koshitan
    I somehow made everything work in time,
    but I'm absolutely beat.
[04:49] Koshitan
    Not a single thing went according to plan.
[04:51] Koshitan
    But I can't let this beat me!
[04:54] Koshitan
    The main event's just begun!
[04:56] Koshitan
    With the students, teachers, and associated
    family members as my witness...
[04:59] Koshitan
    I will make this a magnificent sports festival
    that runs perfectly on schedule!
[05:04] Koshitan
    That is my duty as an exemplary
    student council president!
[05:07] Koshitan
    I'm counting on you, student council...
[05:10] Koshitan
    and Deer Club!
[05:12] Koshitan
    I've got my doubts about
    everyone besides Anko...
[05:15] Koshitan
    But they're better than nothing!
[05:17] Koshitan
    Where the hell did Shikanoko go?!
[05:19] Bashame
    No idea.
[05:21] Anko
    The next event will be
    the class 100-meter dash.
[05:25] Anko
    I will now introduce our runners.
[05:28] Classmate C
    So cute!
SIGN    Deer Team
[05:31] Anko
    From the Deer Team, Nokotan.
SIGN    Putting My Soul into Every Pitch
[05:34] Koshitan
    Wait, what?
[05:35] Koshitan
    Since when do we have a Deer Team?!
    And what's with that ridiculous getup?!
[05:39] Classmate A
    Of course Nokotan would be in the Deer Team.
[05:42] Koshitan
    Seriously, what Deer Team?!
[05:46] Koshitan
    Tsubameya-san, you should be
    working! What're you doing?!
[05:50] Koshitan
    Hey, Anko! What the hell's the Deer Team?
    There was nothing like that in the script!
[05:54] Anko
    Huh? But it's written right here.
[05:57] Anko
    See?
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    Class 100-meter dash
    
    Opening announcement
    The next event will be the class 100-meter dash.
    I will now introduce our runners.
    
    Red Team Class 2-1 Inui-san
    ...
    White Team Class 2-2 Kameyama-san
    ...
    (Read the rest of the names of the runners)
    Runners, please get ready.
    
    =Begin race=
SIGN    Important!!!!!!
SIGN    Add this!
SIGN    Deer Team
    Nokotan
[05:58] Koshitan
    She did her prep!
[05:59] Anko
    There's a banner, too.
SIGN    Red Team's
    the Best!
SIGN    White Team's
    Gonna Win
SIGN    Deer Team, Notsu!!
[06:00] Koshitan
    When did that go up?!
[06:02] Gyaru A
    Nokotan looks peak!
[06:04] Gyaru B
    She's too cute! I wanna get
    a pic, so look this way!
[06:09] Gyaru B
    Yeah, that's it! Nice!
[06:16] Anko
    Looks like the photo session's begun.
[06:18] Koshitan
    Crap! At this rate, we're
    gonna run behind schedule!
[06:22] Narrator
    They immediately fell ten minutes behind.
[06:25] Anko
    The next event is the bread-eating race
    with family members.
[06:29] Koshitan
    Damn you, Shikanoko.
[06:31] Tanuki
    P-P-P-President!
[06:32] Koshitan
    Whoa! What's the matter, Tanukikoji-san?
[06:35] Tanuki
    Th-The bread for the bread-eating race...
[06:39] Tanuki
    W-W-We don't have any.
[06:41] Koshitan
    Huh? Why, though?! We had it all ready,
    and we double-checked the numbers!
[06:47] Tanuki
    W-Well, apparently a wild bear
    came by and ate the lot!
[06:53] Tanuki
    I'm sorry! It probably only ate the bread
    because it wasn't able to eat me instead!
[06:59] Koshitan
    Your negativity sure goes straight
    from zero to a hundred!
[07:02] Koshitan
    Anyway, wouldn't the bigger issue be
    that there's a wild bear in Hino?!
[07:06] Nokotan
    I heard everything.
SIGN    Out of Shape
[07:09] Nokotan
    Leave this to me!
[07:11] Koshitan
    Shikanoko!
[07:15] Koshitan
    Yeah, that tracks.
[07:22] Yoshiharu
    Mark my words, I'll be winning
    this family bread-eating race!
[07:25] Yoshiharu
    With this show of gallantry,
    I'll earn my little sister's respect!
[07:31] Yoshiharu
    I gathered all the data...
    and came up with a brilliant plan.
[07:37] Yoshiharu
    I'm sorry, other family members,
    but there can only be one.
[07:40] Yoshiharu
    Hm? Is that deer a family member of that girl?
[07:43] Yoshiharu
    Well, no matter.
    It's time for me to seize victory.
[07:47] Yoshiharu
    Step one for winning a bread-eating race...
[07:49] Yoshiharu
    is to bite onto the bread just hard
    enough so it doesn't brea—
[07:52] Yoshiharu
    What?!
[07:53] Yoshiharu
    It's not bread!
[07:54] Mitsu
    Oh!
[07:56] Mitsu
    Alms from the great Deer God!
[08:00] Yoshiharu
    It's eating them!
[08:01] Yoshiharu
    Er, of course a deer would eat deer crackers.
[08:04] Yoshiharu
    Damn it!
[08:10] Yoshiharu
    M-My mouth's quickly drying out!
[08:13] Yoshiharu
    What's up next?!
[08:17] Yoshiharu
    Grass?!
[08:18] Yoshiharu
    So bitter!
[08:20] Yoshiharu
    But at this point, I won't be shocked,
    no matter what food comes up next!
[08:26] Yoshiharu
    An antler?!
[08:27] Yoshiharu
    Okay, I get that deer eat grass,
    so it can be considered food.
[08:30] Yoshiharu
    But there's nothing edible about this antler!
[08:33] Narrator
    This show's established precedent
    begs to differ.
[08:42] Yoshiharu
    Of course I'm not going to
    be able to outrun a deer!
[08:50] Mitsu
    I am protected by the great Deer God!
[08:55] Anko
    Coming in first place at the family
    bread-eating race is Inukai Mitsu-san!
[09:02] Yoshiharu
    I failed to win, but I did come third.
[09:05] Yoshiharu
    Maybe now my little sister will see that
    I'm more than some coffee-brewing shut-in.
[09:12] Yoshiharu
    She wasn't even looking!
[09:14] Anko
    The next event is the obstacle course.
SIGN    Red Team White Team
[09:20] Koshitan
    I haven't been in a single event yet,
    but I already feel like I've run a marathon.
SIGN    White Team
[09:24] Ukai
    On your marks...
[09:26] Ukai
    Get set...
[09:29] Koshitan
    Ah... During a race, I don't have
    to think. I only have to run.
[09:33] Koshitan
    What a relief...
[09:35] Koshitan
    Oh, no. I can't fall behind.
[09:37] Koshitan
    As a student council president who excels
    at sports, I have to get first place!
[09:42] Classmate
    You're so cool, President!
[09:43] Classmate B
    Koshi-san, fight on!
[09:45] Koshitan
    Let's see... The first obstacle is...
[09:51] Koshitan
    Huh?
[09:55] Koshitan
    Wh-What is this?! A bomb?!
[09:57] Anko
    All the obstacles involve bombs.
[09:59] Koshitan
    Bombs and sports festivals do not mix!
[10:06] Koshitan
    That voice!
[10:08] Nokotan
    To raise the excitement level of this festival,
    I've leveled up the obstacles!
[10:08] Nokotan
    Yakiniku Meal
[10:13] Koshitan
    What the hell do you think you're doing?!
SIGN    We are Deer Team
[10:19] Koshitan
    Oh, god! The school grounds!
[10:22] Nokotan
    Hey! Never lower your guard on the battlefield!
[10:24] Koshitan
    It's a damn schoolyard!
[10:28] Nokotan
    What the hell did they teach you at school?
[10:31] Koshitan
    Japanese, math, science, social studies!
    You know, general education!
[10:34] Nokotan
    You're never gonna make it
    out in the real world
[10:37] Nokotan
    if you can't even clear these obstacles!
[10:39] Koshitan
    The real world? In what universe?!
[10:41] Anko
    You can do it, Red Team!
[10:43] Anko
    You can do it, White Team!
[10:44] Koshitan
    You've got some nerve spouting platitudes
    when it's life or death out here!
[10:48] Nokotan
    Koshitan, it's almost time.
[10:50] Koshitan
    Huh?
[10:54] Narrator
    It's more of a death game than a race.
[12:07] Anko
    And that was a performance
    from our cheerleading squad.
[12:11] Koshitan
    I-I'm so beat...
[12:15] Koshitan
    But this was the final morning event.
[12:18] Koshitan
    The club performances have ended.
[12:20] Koshitan
    We're 15 minutes over, but if we
    cut 15 minutes off lunch break,
[12:23] Koshitan
    we'll be back on track, and I'll fulfill
    my duty as the student council president.
[12:28] Anko
    Next up, we have a performance
    by the Deer Club.
[12:32] Koshitan
    The Deer Club?!
[12:33] Anko
    Let's all welcome the Deer Club.
[12:35] Koshitan
    Wait! The Deer Club never signed up for this!
[12:40] Koshitan
    A herd of deer...
[12:42] Koshitan
    This is...
SIGN    Compensating for My Shortcomings
[12:45] Koshitan
    Déjà vu!
[12:49] Koshitan
    Hey! Who said you could sign up our club
    for another damn deer parade?!
[12:54] Koshitan
    Where are we, a zoo?!
[12:56] Koshitan
    Actually, even for a zoo
    this'd be out of the question!
SIGN    Get Rich Quick
[13:06] Koshitan
    No, really! What the hell is this?!
[13:13] Koshitan
    Wait, was there something to cry about?
[13:15] Classmate B
    Tears just came flowing out...
[13:17] Classmate C
    Way to go, Deer Club.
[13:19] Gyaru B
    I'm thinking maybe the whole reason
    I was born was to see this.
[13:22] Mitsu
    Praise be! Praise be!
[13:25] Koshitan
    This isn't what you think it is!
[13:27] Koshitan
    You're all being tricked!
[13:31] Koshitan
    Just hurry up and get the hell outta here!
[13:33] Koshitan
    You're already over time!
[13:36] Koshitan
    Get down here already!
SIGN    Hino Deer
    For Life
[13:40] Nokotan
    Whoa, there.
[13:41] Koshitan
    I keep telling you we don't have time for this!
[13:44] Narrator
    Will Koshitan be able to end
    the sports festival on time?
[13:48] Narrator
    Find out after the break!
SIGN    Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture
    Yuno Lake, Yumoto
SIGN    Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture
    Yuno Lake, Yumoto
[13:57] Anko
    The first afternoon event will be tug-of-war.
[14:01] Koshitan
    All that, and we only just
    made it to the eyecatch?
[14:07] Ukai
    Ready... Start!
[14:10] Kids
    Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!
[14:13] Koshitan
    In any case, this is a proper event,
    so I need to do my best.
[14:16] Koshitan
    Ooh? We're pulling pretty well.
    We might just have it in the bag!
[14:23] Koshitan
    Actually, we seem to be
    pulling a bit too well.
[14:26] Koshitan
    And this rope seems awkwardly smooth...
[14:29] Koshitan
    Smooth?
[14:30] Koshitan
    It's not even a freakin' rope!
[14:32] Koshitan
    This texture...
[14:34] Koshitan
    It can't be...
[14:34] Koshitan
    It's an antler!
[14:38] Nokotan
    Approximately 16 seconds remain!
[14:41] Nokotan
    I wonder how far each team
    will be able to stretch!
[14:43] Koshitan
    That's not how tug-of-war works at all!
[14:45] Koshitan
    Stop changing the damn rules!
[14:47] Anko
    This tug-of-war—or rather,
    tug-of-antler battle is getting fired up.
[14:50] Koshitan
    And you need to stop acting like
    nothing weird is happening!
[14:53] Koshitan
    You're all way too accepting
    of all these crazy changes!
[14:58] Ukai
    And we're done!
[15:00] Anko
    Uh-oh, looks like time's up.
[15:02] Anko
    And we've got our record. It's 325 meters.
[15:05] Koshitan
    Record of what?
[15:06] Anko
    And so, the winner is Nokotan!
[15:09] Koshitan
    Wha?!
[15:10] Nokotan
    Yay!
SIGN    No Reply Necessary
[15:11] Koshitan
    Hello? Did she even do anything?
SIGN    Thumbs Up
[15:14] Anko
    Oh? Looks like the judge
    is also giving the OK.
[15:17] Anko
    Nokotan has established a new record.
[15:20] Koshitan
    Uh, when the hell did a judge get here?!
[15:23] Narrator
    In the track-and-field game of tug-of-antler,
    a new world record has been established.
[15:27] Anko
    The next event is the ball toss.
[15:30] Neko
    Okay! Please form two lines with your classes!
[15:34] Neko
    The president and I will be
    the referees for this game.
[15:37] Neko
    This is the perfect opportunity
    for me to find her weakness!
[15:40] Classmate A
    Neko-chan is just as tiny and cute as ever!
[15:43] Neko
    Speaking of, the president sure is late.
[15:46] Koshitan
    Sorry... It took forever
    to finish up tug-of-antler.
[15:51] Neko
    Eek! A-Are you all right?
[15:54] Neko
    Your face seems to have fallen apart.
[15:56] Koshitan
    I'm fine.
[15:58] Neko
    That's exactly what someone
    who isn't fine would say.
[16:01] Neko
    Um...
[16:02] Neko
    Would you like some water?
[16:03] Neko
    Maybe some stomach medicine?
[16:05] Neko
    Actually, before that, maybe
    you should have a light snack.
[16:08] Neko
    Do you want me to go buy you something?
[16:10] Koshitan
    I'm okay... Thanks.
[16:14] Narrator
    Even Neko-chan didn't have
    the heart to try to find the weakness
[16:17] Narrator
    of someone whose face
    had literally fallen apart.
[16:25] Neko
    Please actually aim for the baskets!
[16:28] Neko
    Please don't stick out like that!
[16:30] Koshitan
    Hey... Aim for the baskets...
[16:33] Koshitan
    P-Please don't stick out like that...
[16:35] Neko
    Whew... Man, the sports festival is
    way more hectic than I thought it'd be.
[16:40] Neko
    I want to hurry up and finish up work
    so Tsucchi can comfort me.
[16:43] Neko
    I wonder what Tsucchi
    is doing right about now.
[16:47] Neko
    I wonder if they're asleep.
    I hope they're not cold...
[16:51] Neko
    Huh?
[16:54] Neko
    Tsucchi!
[16:59] Neko
    What're you doing here?!
[17:00] Neko
    Er, more importantly...
[17:02] Neko
    I need to protect Tsucchi!
[17:07] Neko
    There's nothing here!
[17:10] Neko
    Wait! Don't go out!
[17:12] Koshitan
    Nekoyamada-san, please get back to work...
[17:15] Narrator
    And so, the game was paused.
[17:18] Narrator
    It was delayed 15 minutes, and Koshitan's
    stomach gained around six more holes.
[17:23] Koshitan
    I have never been this
    exhausted in my entire life.
[17:26] Anko
    The next event is the relay race by grade.
[17:31] Koshitan
    But the only event left is the relay!
[17:34] Koshitan
    My stomach's full of holes and my face
    fell apart, but it's almost over.
[17:38] Koshitan
    This hell of a sports festival will be over!
[17:40] Tanuki
    President! We've got trouble!
SIGN    Boom
[17:45] Tanuki
    Th-The deer have all started lounging
    around on the track, and at this rate,
[17:48] Tanuki
    we won't be able to do the final relay!
[17:51] Koshitan
    I just can't anymore...
[17:54] Tanuki
    It's all over!
SIGN    Sports festival failure
SIGN    Student council disbands
SIGN    Expulsion awaits
SIGN    Left with nowhere to go
SIGN    Only death awaits!
SIGN    Will
[18:02] Koshitan
    Uh... Seriously, your imagination
    is way out of control.
[18:05] Tanuki
    B-B-B-B-But...
[18:08] Koshitan
    Calm down, Tanukikoji-san.
[18:10] Koshitan
    There's still a chance.
[18:12] Koshitan
    I know!
[18:13] Koshitan
    That's right! It's now or never!
[18:14] Koshitan
    Don't underestimate the guts
    of a former delinquent!
[18:17] Koshitan
    Now's the time for the Deer Club to act!
[18:19] Koshitan
    Shikanoko... is not here.
[18:21] Koshitan
    Anko... is commentating.
[18:23] Koshitan
    Oh, fine! Bashame! Where are you?!
[18:26] Bashame
    Bashame's here.
[18:27] Koshitan
    She's in full farming gear?!
[18:30] Bashame
    Bashame told you that she was
    getting ready to plant rice.
[18:34] Koshitan
    And I told you to help
    with the sports festival!
[18:37] Bashame
    But Bashame already worked
    hard on maintenance.
[18:41] Koshitan
    Wait, really?
[18:43] Bashame
    Of the rice paddy.
[18:44] Koshitan
    Enough with the farming!
[18:46] Koshitan
    Anyway, I need everyone who's free
    to help herd those deer off the track!
[18:51] Koshitan
    I think you mean, "Yes, ma'am!"
SIGN    10 minutes later...
[18:55] Tanuki
    P-P-Please don't eat me!
[18:57] Neko
    Hey! Let go of Tsucchi!
[19:00] Bashame
    Just a nibble, okay?
[19:05] Ukai
    What should we do, Koshi-san?
[19:07] Ukai
    I don't think we'll be able
    to begin the relay like this.
[19:10] Koshitan
    Don't worry! I'll figure something out!
[19:12] Ukai
    Really? Okay, then.
[19:15] Koshitan
    We're totally screwed!
[19:21] Koshitan
    Crap. Crap. Crap.
[19:22] Koshitan
    At this rate...
SIGN    Sports festival failure
SIGN    Student council disbands
SIGN    Failure as the student council president
SIGN    Fall from grace as an honor student
SIGN    Left with nowhere to go
SIGN    Only death awaits!
[19:33] Koshitan
    Yeah, no! I'm definitely overthinking this!
[19:35] Koshitan
    Calm down, me!
[19:36] Koshitan
    Damn it! How did this happen, anyway?
SIGN    Final Return
[19:42] Koshitan
    It's you...
[19:49] Koshitan
    Nokotan! Come here!
[19:52] Koshitan
    I've got something nice waiting for you!
[19:55] Koshitan
    Nokotan! Come here!
[19:58] Koshitan
    I've got something nice waiting for you!
[20:00] Koshitan
    Nokotan! Come here!
[20:03] Koshitan
    I've got something nice...
[20:05] Koshitan
    in your dreams!
[20:21] Koshitan
    Hey, you damn deer!
SIGN    Perfect Weather
[20:34] Koshitan
    Eat this!
[20:46] Nokotan
    My secret stash of deer crackers!
[20:49] Koshitan
    Shut your mouth! This whole
    event's a mess because of you!
[20:52] Koshitan
    Don't go bringing a damn
    herd of deer to the school!
[20:55] Koshitan
    You're always meddling with everything!
[20:58] Koshitan
    I've had enough of you, you jackass!
[21:06] Koshitan
    N-Now I've done it!
[21:09] Koshitan
    I lost my cool, got mad,
    and totally broke my façade.
[21:12] Koshitan
    My life as a high school honor
    student is truly over now.
[21:19] Classmate A
    Koshi-san's so cool!
[21:21] Koshitan
    Huh?
[21:22] Classmate C
    Being cool comes so naturally to her.
[21:25] Classmate A
    I'm totally for it. Actually, she
    seems even more relatable now.
[21:28] Classmate B
    I want Koshi-san to yell at me, too.
[21:31] Ukai
    She's not afraid to put people
    in line when necessary.
[21:33] Ukai
    Truly, a wonderful student council president!
[21:35] Neko
    That's great.
[21:37] Neko
    It'll make it all the more worthwhile
    to drag you down.
[21:41] Tanuki
    She's been showing her true self
    here and there anyway.
[21:46] Nokotan
    Good for you, Koshitan.
SIGN    Whrrrrrrrrrrrr
[21:48] Narrator
    Part of her was happy
    to be accepted for who she was,
[21:52] Narrator
    but at the same time, she wondered why
    she had worked so hard up until this point.
[21:59] Narrator
    By the way, the sports festival
    ran three hours late.
[22:02] Koshitan
    Goddamn it!