E4 - Salamander's Night

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:45] Mitsugu
    Spinach, liver, and prunes.
[01:49] Mitsugu
    I've gotten sick of eating this every day.
[01:52] Mitsugu
    But this is for Mai. It's a test.
[02:02] Nami
    Mitsugu is definitely hiding something.
[02:06] Katsuno
    Hiding something? You mean my goddess?
[02:09] Nami
    She's definitely not normal.
[02:12] Katsuno
    Indeed. It's unbelievable that
    she's smaller than a D cup.
[02:15] Nami
    An ordinary human couldn't
    pull of that stunt.
[02:43] Nami
    It's worth investigating if that was
    some kind of illusion or magic.
[02:48] Katsuno
    Yeah. Let's investigate that body's secrets.
[02:52] Nami
    I feel like we're not
    seeing things eye to eye.
[02:56] Katsuno
    Eye to eye?
[02:58] Katsuno
    Eye for an eye.
[02:59] Katsuno
    Tooth for a tooth.
[03:01] Katsuno
    Teeth?!
[03:06] Katsuno
    Bite me. Bite me as hard as you can.
[03:09] Katsuno
    Make a mess of me.
[03:13] Nami
    He's truly loyal and greedy.
[03:16] Nami
    He's a typical type O person.
[03:28] Nami
    Isn't that...?
[03:31] Katsuno
    Who is he?
[03:33] Nami
    Something like a follower
    or stalker of mine.
[03:36] Nami
    I see. Why didn't I think of that sooner?
SIGN    Torture Club
SIGN    Torture Club Captain
    Uemura Kanji
[04:08] Uemura
    Talk.
[04:10] Mitsugu
    What is this?
[04:12] Mitsugu
    You think you can get away with abducting,
    confining, and doing this to a girl?
[04:18] Mitsugu
    People don't even get away
    with this in anime and manga!
[04:22] Mitsugu
    You've got suspension, expulsion,
    and prison waiting for you!
[04:26] Uemura
    You think we'd torture people if we were
    afraid of being suspended or expelled?
[04:30] Mitsugu
    You don't need to torture anybody.
[04:33] Uemura
    I happened to hear a curious rumor.
[04:37] Uemura
    Sounds like you've hanging around Nami-chan.
[04:41] Uemura
    She's rather frightened of you.
[04:44] Mitsugu
    What? I've been following Nami?
[04:47] Mitsugu
    Oh, right. This guy worships Nami.
[04:50] Uemura
    I can't have that.
[04:51] Uemura
    Personally, I can't let this one go.
[04:55] Uemura
    I think I'll inflict a little pain on you.
[04:58] Mitsugu
    I already am.
[04:59] Uemura
    You haven't seen anything yet.
[05:01] Uemura
    This isn't what you call true pain.
[05:05] Mitsugu
    Please don't. You've got the wrong idea.
[05:09] Mitsugu
    Even if that were true, I'd never
    stalk that strong-willed fisherwoman.
[05:13] Uemura
    Even if what were true?
[05:15] Mitsugu
    My thoughts were escaping my head again.
[05:17] Uemura
    You bitch! You dare to ridicule my muse?
[05:20] Mitsugu
    No! I don't know if she's your
    muse or chemise or whatever,
[05:24] Mitsugu
    but in any case, Nami is either
    confused or full of herself.
[05:26] Uemura
    Confused? Full of herself?
[05:29] Uemura
    My Nami-san?
[05:31] Uemura
    You think she cares about
    a fujoshi like yourself?
[05:34] Uemura
    That's she's self-conscious? I see.
[05:38] Uemura
    Boys, let's teach this scum exactly
    what it means to be confused.
[05:44] Umeura
    Torture her, torture her, torture her.
[05:48] Uemura
    Like you're torturing her to death.
[05:51] Uemura
    Do it.
[05:51] All
    Yeah.
[05:54] Katsuno
    Hold it.
[05:55] Katsuno
    Looks like you guys have been
    taking good care of my underling.
[06:01] Uemura
    You're Katsuno, the Rising and Falling
    Battleship of the Karate Club.
[06:08] Uemura
    Don't you think you overdid it?
[06:11] Katsuno
    I held back. They'll live.
[06:14] Uemura
    And I'll get my Mousenyland
    date with Nami-chan.
[06:16] Uemura
    You're certain, right?
[06:18] Katsuno
    Indeed.
[06:20] Katsuno
    If this rehabilitates you,
[06:22] Katsuno
    you two can screw off to Mousenyland
    or the afterlife for all I care!
[06:25] Katsuno
    Anyway, you owe me a favor now.
[06:29] Katsuno
    Isn't that right?
[06:30] Mitsugu
    Yeah, I guess.
[06:32] Mitsugu
    Seriously, thanks. Later.
[06:34] Katsuno
    You're not going anywhere.
[06:36] Katsuno
    You're going to tell me
    all about my goddess.
[06:40] Mitsugu
    She's a relative of mine who just
    happened to come to the cosplay party.
[06:45] Mitsugu
    Transforming and vanishing is
    a little parlor trick of hers.
[06:49] Katsuno
    I don't care about that!
[06:50] Katsuno
    Tell me her measurements and
    what type of men she likes.
[06:53] Mitsugu
    What?
[06:54] Katsuno
    My estimates are 85, 54, and 85.
[06:58] Katsuno
    Does she like macho men?
[07:00] Katsuno
    I'm asking if she likes men
    with bodies like mine!
SIGN    Torture Club
[07:08] Nami
    What the hell is he asking her?
[07:12] Nami
    Idiots are useless.
[07:15] Katsuno
    So, who is my goddess?
[07:19] Katsuno
    I'm asking you where she
    is and what she's doing!
[07:24] Mitsugu
    I told you, I don't know!
[07:27] Katsuno
    Liar!
[07:29] Katsuno
    I won't let you keep her all to yourself.
[07:33] Katsuno
    You have to share.
SIGN    Anti-monopoly Law
[07:36] Katsuno
    Haven't you heard of the Anti-monopoly Law?
[07:39] Katsuno
    If you haven't, then I'll
    teach you all about it!
[07:49] Chihiro
    I gave him a sedative that would
    instantly knock out a gorilla.
SIGN    One Blow
[07:52] Chihiro
    Piece of cake.
[07:53] Mitsugu
    That's terrifying.
[07:55] Chihiro
    This is no time to be scared.
[07:57] Chihiro
    You need to get that vampire girl
    out of your house immediately.
[08:01] Mitsugu
    What?
[08:02] Chihiro
    I passed that fisherwoman on my way here.
[08:06] Mitsugu
    Nami?
[08:07] Mitsugu
    Which means she's the one behind this.
[08:22] Mitsugu
    Mai, how do things look outside?
[08:24] Mai
    One, two, three...
[08:29] Mitsugu
    Damn that Katsuno. He's persistent.
[08:33] Mai
    What are they doing?
[08:34] Mitsugu
    They've come to find you.
[08:36] Mai
    Oh, my. Then I should
    prepare some tea for them.
[08:40] Mitsugu
    We're escaping out the back.
[08:42] Sign
    Chimatsuri Laboratory
[08:47] Chihiro
    You made it. I'll take good care of you.
[08:50] Mai
    I'm Mai. Thank you for having me.
[08:53] Mitsugu
    I regret having to do this,
    but we had nowhere else to go.
[08:57] Chihiro
    Why not take this opportunity
    to leave her with me?
[09:01] Mitsugu
    What? No. Absolutely not!
[09:05] Chihiro
    That starry-eyed gorilla isn't the
    only one interested in this girl.
[09:09] Chihiro
    That fisherwoman is plotting something, too.
[09:12] Mitsugu
    You're the one who's most interested in her.
[09:14] Chihiro
    Shut up!
[09:16] Chihiro
    She seems to be in good health,
    and she's not anemic, either.
[09:19] Chihiro
    Anyway, as promised...
[09:22] Mitsugu
    Don't. This is no time to be doing that.
SIGN    SLAP SLAP SLAP
[09:25] Chihiro
    You shut up!
[09:28] Chihiro
    A mere two liters will do.
[09:30] Chihiro
    It won't hurt at all.
[09:32] Chihiro
    Come on, roll up your sleeve.
[09:34] Chihiro
    Come on, it's for scientific progress.
[09:38] Chihiro
    Give me your blood!
[09:49] Mitsugu
    Mai, are you okay?
[09:51] Mai
    That was scary.
[09:54] Mitsugu
    A woman has no home anywhere.
    She's surrounded by enemies.
[09:57] Mitsugu
    We can't trust anyone.
[10:01] Katsuno
    Where's my goddess?!
[10:03] Mitsugu
    Yikes. Katsuno must be out of his
    mind to break into a teacher's home.
[10:09] Mitsugu
    Mai, let's run.
[10:10] Mai
    Okay.
[10:11] Nami
    You won't get away!
[10:15] Nami
    Tell us that girl's true identity.
[10:21] Mitsugu
    Mai's identity is none of your business.
[10:25] Nami
    It is my business.
[10:28] Nami
    I'm an extremely curious girl.
SIGN    Curiosity
[10:35] Katsuno
    Nami, you have to share.
[10:37] Mitsugu
    Katsuno.
[10:39] Mitsugu
    We're out of the frying
    pan and into the fire.
[10:41] Nami
    Shut up! Go die, you filthy man!
[10:44] Katsuno
    Looks like this is the end of our alliance.
[10:46] Nami
    Teaming up with a meathead
    gorilla like you was a mistake.
[10:50] Nami
    Let's settle this!
[10:52] Katsuno
    I'd have no other way!
[10:58] Katsuno
    Get them.
[10:59] All
    Osu!
[11:00] Katsuno
    How many times do I have to tell you
[11:03] Katsuno
    not to speak pointless words
    like "osu" in my presence?!
[11:08] Katsuno
    Hurricane Kick!
[11:12] Katsuno
    I've been deceived.
[11:14] Nami
    You really are amazingly stupid to
    defeat your own underlings first.
[11:20] Nami
    Get him.
[11:21] All
    Yes, ma'am.
SIGN    Rump
[11:26] Club B
    Scene 7, cut 48. Take one.
[11:32] Maki
    Cut! What are you guys doing?
[11:36] Katsuno
    Don't give us that crap.
[11:37] Nami
    Maki, where did you come from?
[11:40] Maki
    I knew when heard Mitsugu had been kidnapped
    by the perverts in the Torture Club.
[11:46] Maki
    Their captain Uemura is your stalker.
[11:50] Maki
    You resorted to using force.
[11:53] Nami
    You're interested in her, too.
[11:55] Maki
    It's my nature to be a documentary maker.
[11:58] Maki
    I can't become a subject.
[12:00] Maki
    Now let's rewind and do that again!
[12:04] Club A
    We're filming!
[12:05] Club B
    Take two!
[12:06] Maki
    Nami, give us some flashier action!
[12:09] Katsuno
    How is this a documentary?
[12:13] Kaoru
    Punch, punch, punch, kick.
[12:15] Kaoru
    Once more. Punch, punch, punch, kick.
[12:18] Katsuno
    What are you doing here?
[12:20] Kaoru
    It's Virtua Fighter 2's Renkan Tenshinkyaku.
[12:22] Kaoru
    You practice karate, but you've
    never heard of it? Pathetic.
[12:26] Jinko
    Let go of her.
[12:29] Jinko
    Breaking into a teacher's home,
    unauthorized photography,
SIGN    Breaking Into a Teacher's Home
SIGN    Unauthorized Photography
[12:33] Jinko
    and a cosplay that nearly
    infringes upon copyright.
SIGN    Copyright Infringement
[12:36] Jinko
    I won't allow anymore illegal activities!
[12:40] Nami
    What's Jinko doing here?
[12:41] Nami
    Actually, I don't even
    feel like asking anymore!
[12:43] Maki
    You're making me feel like an idiot
    for providing my own explanation.
[12:47] Katsuno
    Anyway, Mitsugu...
[12:49] Maki
    By some twist of fate,
    all concerned parties have shown up,
[12:54] Maki
    and we're running out of time.
[12:55] Maki
    Why don't you spill the beans?
[12:57] Nami
    Tell us the true identity of that Mai girl.
[12:59] Kaoru
    Tell us.
[13:01] Jinko
    Talk.
[13:02] Katsuno
    Talk!
[13:04] Nami
    You going say, "Look, a UFO"?
[13:06] Kaoru
    Dam up all you want; you
    won't trick us that easily.
[13:08] Maki
    You mean "clam up."
[13:10] Mitsugu
    Mai, no!
[13:15] Maki
    Hey, wait.
[13:16] Jinko
    Could it be?
[13:17] Nami
    That girl is drinking blood.
[13:20] Kaoru
    It's tomato juice.
[13:23] Mai
    Delicious.
[13:25] Mitsugu
    Don't act so pleased.
    What did you just drink?
[13:27] Mitsugu
    Oh, jeez.
[13:28] Sign
    Super Secret
[13:29] Mitsugu
    Why'd you have to drink
    something suspect again?
[13:56] Mitsugu
    Mai!
[13:57] Jinko
    Did you see that?
[13:58] Nami
    I sure did.
[13:59] Maki
    She's a monster.
[14:00] Kaoru
    A dragon.
[14:02] Mitsugu
    Doctor, what kind of blood did Mai drink?
SIGN    SLAP SLAP SLAP
[14:05] Mitsugu
    How long do you plan on being sedated?!
[14:11] Mitsugu
    Doctor, Mai drank the whole bottle.
[14:13] Mitsugu
    What kind of blood was it?
[14:15] Chihiro
    You're asking me?
[14:17] Mitsugu
    I've been asking you.
[14:18] Nami
    Hurry up and explain yourselves.
[14:20] Maki
    Why was she drinking blood?
[14:22] Jinko
    What is that monster?
[14:23] Kaoru
    It's a dragon.
[14:25] Chihiro
    It happened when I was working
    as a university lab assistant.
[14:31] Katsuno
    Give us the abridged version!
    What happened after that?
SIGN    SLAP SLAP SLAP
[14:34] Chihiro
    Shut up and listen while
    others are speaking!
[14:39] Chihiro
    My academic advisor was a talented
    individual with a promising future
[14:43] Chihiro
    and a refined middle-aged
    man like Walter Matthau.
[14:54] (Flashback) Chihiro
    Oh, but I... Yes.
[14:59] Chihiro
    As though guided by fate
    itself, we fell in love.
[15:03] Chihiro
    However, the love between a professor
    and his assistant is forbidden.
[15:07] Chihiro
    Not only that, but he had roughly
    one wife he married in poverty
[15:10] Chihiro
    and four or so children he had to support.
[15:13] Chihiro
    Furthermore, he had a 40-year mortgage.
[15:17] Chihiro
    And furthermore, he kept a combined
    total of 12 cats and dogs as pets,
[15:20] Chihiro
    and had to support this large household
    on the meager salary of a public servant.
[15:25] Maki
    You don't have much luck with men.
[15:27] Kaoru
    He's got way bigger problems
    that just being a shitty man.
[15:30] Chihiro
    Our love ended before spring arrived.
[15:34] Maki
    It's what you'd expect if you
    have any amount of sense.
[15:38] Chihiro
    With what little severance pay I received,
    I dropped out of college and,
[15:42] Chihiro
    out of desperation, traveled
    to relieve my broken heart—
[15:44] Chihiro
    rather, in order to collect blood,
    I traveled to the farthest reaches of Europe.
[15:48] Chihiro
    At a forgotten and desolate abandoned school,
[15:52] Chihiro
    a two hour walk outside a
    ghost town deep in Wales,
[15:55] Maki
    I see you're the type to get carried
    away to the end of the line.
[15:58] Chihiro
    That's where I finally,
    finally laid my hands on it.
[16:03] Mitsugu
    Found what?
[16:06] Chihiro
    You'll be shocked to hear
    and flabbergasted to see...
[16:09] Mitsugu
    I'm already flabbergasted.
[16:11] Chihiro
    The blood that vampire
    drank every last drop of
[16:15] Chihiro
    was the lifeblood of a salamander.
[16:21] Mitsugu
    A salamander?
[16:23] Nami
    What's a salamander?
[16:24] Katsuno
    Is it a relative of Nanmaider?
[16:26] Chihiro
    Fools!
[16:28] Chihiro
    It is a terrifying fire drake, born from flame,
    who destroys the world with its fiery breath,
[16:32] Chihiro
    the legendary salamander.
[16:50] Mitsugu
    Doctor, how long will the
    effects of that blood last?
[16:54] All
    Doctor!
[16:56] Chihiro
    I don't know.
[16:58] Chihiro
    But she drank quite a lot of its blood.
[17:01] Chihiro
    If we don't do something,
    this city will be reduced to ashes.
[17:04] All
    What?!
[17:06] Maki
    So, what are we supposed to do?
[17:09] Chihiro
    I told you, I don't know.
[17:10] Jinko
    How irresponsible.
[17:12] Kaoru
    We need the blood of an ice dragon.
[17:14] Maki
    No, the blood of a frost
    giant would be better.
[17:16] Chihiro
    Fools! Nothing so convenient exists.
[17:19] Chihiro
    Even if it did, how would we get her
    to drink it under these circumstances?
[17:23] Mitsugu
    Does that mean we just have
    to wait until it wears off?
[17:27] Maki
    Well, half the town already burned down
    during Doctor Chihiro's very long flashback.
[17:37] Kanbaru
    Wow, those are ASDF F-2s.
[17:40] Kanbaru
    They're armed for air-to-air combat, too.
[17:42] Okada
    Look, there are JGSDF Apaches, too.
[17:44] Hotta
    Idiot. The JGSDF is scheduled
    to procure Apaches,
[17:47] Hotta
    but they haven't been deployed yet.
[17:48] Kanbaru
    Horita, your information is outdated.
[17:51] Kanbaru
    They were cut off after 13 helicopters,
[17:53] Kanbaru
    but they've already been deployed
    to Metabaru and Akeno.
[17:56] Horita
    Both locations are too far away from here.
[17:57] Horita
    And besides, those are Kisarazu AH-1Js.
[18:00] Okada
    They're Cobras fitted with TOW missiles.
[18:02] All
    So cool!
[18:04] Katsuno
    How many times do I have to tell you not to
    nerd out over military crap in my presence?
[18:09] Katsuno
    Go to school!
SIGN    Trebor, this is Wizard 02.
SIGN    Trebor, flying monster identified above Chimidoro City.
SIGN    Requesting orders.
SIGN    Central Air Defense Force Sector Operation Center (SOC)
[18:30] Speaker
    The flying monster has been
    identified above Chimidoro City.
[18:34] Commander
    Flying monster? What on earth is it?
[18:37] Officer
    Perhaps it's Ra****n or King ****.
SIGN    Self-censored
SIGN    Self-censored
[18:41] Commander
    Don't be ridiculous.
[18:43] Commander
    What if we're sued for
    copyright infringement?
[18:46] Speaker
    Intercept forces have arrived from Komatsu.
[18:49] Speaker
    Komatsu 303 to Priest 23.
[18:52] Speaker
    Estimated time of intercept
    is Priest next 1-0, next 1-0.
SIGN    Trebor, this is Priest 23.
SIGN    Altitude is 32,000.
SIGN    Priest 23, this is Trebor.
SIGN    You are under my control.
SIGN    Stay at 040.
SIGN    Roger.
[19:11] Commander
    Where is the target headed?
[19:12] Officer
    Aircraft is currently turning
    2,000 meters above the target.
[19:17] Officer
    Sir, the F-2s leading the
    van are under attack.
[19:21] Officer
    Permission to engage.
[19:23] Commander
    But if the monster is shot
    down and falls on the city,
[19:27] Commander
    it could cause tremendous
    damage to civilians.
[19:31] Officer
    Are we just going to let that monster
    rampage around above the city?
[19:35] Officer
    In that case, why do we even exist?
[19:41] Speaker
    Iruma's 1st Anti-Aircraft Division
    has entered the adjacent section
[19:44] Speaker
    and is requesting permission to engage.
[19:46] Officer
    Don't do it.
[19:47] Officer
    We can't afford to order Wizard
    to retreat from that airspace.
[19:51] Officer
    Sir, permission to open fire.
[19:53] Commander
    Contact the Minister of
    Defense immediately.
[19:56] Officer
    We don't have time for that.
[19:58] Officer
    More than half the buildings in this
    sector have gone up in flames.
[20:02] Officer
    The majority of residents
    will have nowhere to run.
[20:06] Officer
    Sir, permission to engage.
[20:09] Officer
    Let us engage the enemy. Sir!
[20:15] Commander
    We have no choice.
[20:18] Officer
    Open fire.
SIGN    Wizard 01, this is Trebor.
SIGN    You're cleared to fire.
SIGN    Kill the salamander.
SIGN    Trebor, say again.
SIGN    Kill the salamander.
SIGN    We have no choice.
SIGN    Roger.
SIGN    Killing salamander.
[20:48] Mitsugu
    Mai!
[21:00] Okada
    All right!
[21:01] Kanbaru
    Idiot, that's the ASDF
    F-2 that got blown up.
[21:04] Horita
    It's falling this way.
[21:13] Nami
    We're done for!
[21:15] Mitsugu
    No way.
[21:16] Mitsugu
    I'm the protagonist, but I'm
    already dying in episode 4?
[21:20] Kaoru
    I'm a regular cast member, too.
[21:22] Maki
    Maki Watabe held onto her camera
    right up until she died.
[21:25] Jinko
    I still haven't done anything yet.
[21:28] Katsuno
    Doctor, how will you take
    responsibility for this?
[21:30] Chihiro
    No idea.
SIGN    Censored
SIGN    Chimidoro
    Newspaper
SIGN    Chimidoro reduced to ashes!
SIGN    Panic
    in
    Chimidoro
    as
    fire
    drake
    appears
[21:50] Bottom
    Scramble above the city: less than five minutes after the evacuation advisory issued, fighting broke out above Chimidoro, but the entire city became a sea of fire
[21:52] Chihiro
    When the salamander shows itself, the night
    sky will glow like the afternoon sky,
[21:58] Chihiro
    a strange light will flash across the
    gathered clouds, and the world shall end.
SIGN    Episode 5 "Daddy Came"
[23:45] Dad
    Since Mai will be staying with you, as her
    father, I'd like to ask you something.
[23:50] Mitsugu
    Yes?
[23:52] Dad
    What's your blood glucose level?
[23:54] Chihiro
    Hold it right there.