E6 - Hot Guy Hell and Mixers

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 6: "Hot Guy Hell and Mixers"
[00:05] N
    Tatami-chan finds her way to a mixer.
[00:09] N
    It's only natural for lonely
    souls to try to find love.
[00:14] N
    Tatami-chan is having a rough time in Tokyo.
[00:16] N
    She definitely must want
    to meet someone nice.
[00:19] A
    I'm a hot guy in the apparel business.
[00:21] B
    I'm a man-whore in the IT business.
[00:24] C
    I work as a consultant.
[00:26] C
    We're at a fun mixer today!
[00:28] A
    Today, I'm taking home a
    hot chick to make out with.
[00:32] C
    That's right.
[00:33] C
    We go through women one after another.
[00:36] C
    We're bad boys.
[00:37] B
    To prepare for the mixer today,
    not only did I shampoo my hair,
[00:40] B
    I even used conditioner.
[00:42] A
    That's a coincidence.
    I used a two-in-one, too.
[00:45] C
    Mine's a one-in-one.
[00:47] B
    That's so hip.
[00:49] A
    No chick's ever going to resist us.
[00:52] B
    Looks like the girls are here.
[00:57] C
    M-Monsters!
SIGN    Lust
[00:58] B
    How could this be?!
[00:59] B
    We're at a mixer with monsters!
[01:03] Landlady
    What fine men!
[01:05] Landlady
    I shall kiss the crest of your neck.
[01:08] Tatami
    Chill out, landlady.
[01:09] Tatami
    You're going to scare the dudes
    away if you're too desperate.
[01:12] Okiku
    The night has come for
    me to lose my virginity.
[01:15] A
    Wh-Who the hell are you?!
[01:17] Tatami
    Who are we, you ask?
[01:18] Tatami
    We are none other than
    the girls at your mixer!
[01:22] A
    Um...
[01:22] A
    So what do you monsters do?
[01:24] Landlady
    How rude!
[01:25] Landlady
    We aren't monsters, you uncouth jerks.
[01:28] Landlady
    I'll drag my claws across your skin!
[01:30] A
    Ow!
[01:32] Tatami
    I'm Tatami-chan, the house spirit.
[01:34] Tatami
    Nice to meet you.
[01:35] Okiku
    I'm Okiku-chan, the Japanese doll
    whose hair grows on its own.
[01:39] Okiku
    I permed my hair for today.
[01:41] B
    Oh, God, it's a house spirit,
    a Japanese doll, and an old hag.
[01:45] B
    This mixer couldn't go any worse.
[01:48] Landlady
    Who are you calling an
    old hag, you d*ckweed!
[01:50] Landlady
    Take this!
[01:51] B
    She's sucking on my neck!
[01:54] Tatami
    I see.
[01:55] Tatami
    So this is how people in Tokyo hook up.
[01:59] Okiku
    Hey, who should we pick?
[02:01] Okiku
    Let's choose.
[02:02] Landlady
    This man is my type.
[02:04] Landlady
    I won't let you go.
[02:06] Tatami
    I'll pass on all of them.
[02:08] C
    They have control of the situation.
[02:10] C
    We've let them take over!
[02:11] Okiku
    Hey, misters, who's the prettiest among us?
[02:16] C
    Would you actually go there?
[02:18] Landlady
    I am, obviously.
[02:20] B
    Definitely not this hag.
[02:21] Landlady
    What did you just say?!
[02:23] B
    Could you please give me some space?
[02:25] Landlady
    I'm going to feel you up!
SIGN    Lust
[02:27] A
    This mixer is hellish.
[02:29] A
    It's actually hell!
[02:30] B
    Have you heard of the Women's Mixer 5S's?
[02:33] Tatami
    The 5 S's?
[02:35] Landlady
    Indeed, I have.
[02:36] Landlady
    S for "Slobbering all over."
[02:38] A
    No, that's "S for Super."
[02:41] Landlady
    S for "Shitty men."
[02:43] B
    That can't be right.
[02:44] Landlady
    S for "Let me Suck you."
[02:46] C
    It's S for "So awesome."
[02:48] Landlady
    S for...
[02:49] Okiku
    S...
[02:50] Landlady
    S for
    "Let me have Sex with you!"
[02:53] A
    I'm out.
[02:54] A
    I can't take this anymore!
[02:55] Landlady
    S for "Screwed the pooch!"
[02:57] B
    I'm done, too!
[02:59] B
    I'm out of here!
[03:00] C
    Run! Run for your lives!
[03:02] C
    A mixer with monsters just isn't worth it!
[03:04] Okiku
    Those dazzling men are running away.
[03:06] Okiku
    No, you don't!
[03:07] C
    I'm caught in her drapes and carpet!
[03:09] Landlady
    You aren't getting away.
[03:10] Landlady
    I'm going to put all three
    of you into kissy hell!
[03:18] C
    H-Help me!
[03:20] C
    Daddy!
SIGN    Lust
[03:21] C
    Mommy!
[03:22] Tatami
    So this is a mixer, huh?
[03:24] Tatami
    It's so fun.
[03:25] Tatami
    You get drunk and torment douchebags.
SIGN    No Vacancy
SIGN    No Vacancy