E1 - Deceive! The Shinsengumi of Criminals

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Wanted
[00:33] Tea Shop Daughter
    Pops!
[00:35] Ronin B
    Insolent old man.
[00:36] Ronin A
    It's our right to cut you down.
[00:41] Ronin A
    What?
[00:43] Ichibanboshi
    Hey.
[00:44] Ichibanboshi
    Do you guys know the samurai
    who wear these masks?
[00:47] Ronin B
    Asshole.
[00:50] Ronin C
    Where did you get that?
[00:52] Ichibanboshi
    Looks like I finally found you.
[01:01] Ronin B
    Who are you?
[01:04] Ichibanboshi
    The Samurai Killer, Ichibanboshi, has arrived!
SIGN    The Samurai Killer
SIGN    Ichibanboshi
[01:09] Ronin B
    Give your life...
[01:10] Ronin A
    ...for the nation!
[01:12] Ichibanboshi
    Nation, my ass.
[01:14] Ichibanboshi
    Everyone's been through a whole
    hell of a lot because of you guys!
[01:17] Thief-Takers
    Thief-takers, coming through!
SIGN    Weeoo Weeoo
[01:19] Ichibanboshi
    Damn it! Let go of me!
[01:23] Ichibanboshi
    Long before I was born,
[01:25] Ichibanboshi
    someone, somewhere, turned this
    world into absolute shit.
[01:31] Ichibanboshi
    And this shit world still
    smells like shit to this day.
[01:38] Ichibanboshi
    Samurai are samurai, and peasants are peasants.
[01:42] Ichibanboshi
    Wretches die wretched deaths.
[01:54] Ugo
    This is ridiculous. Where are we?
[01:59] Sogen
    It would seem my heart is still beating.
[02:02] Suzuran
    Have we arrived at the Sanzu River?
[02:05] Gyataro
    Did you have to tie us up so tight?
[02:08] Bo
    Huh?
[02:10] Akira
    Who...
[02:11] Sakuya
    ...are you?
[02:14] Todo
    I am the eighth unit captain of the
    Shinsengumi, formerly the Mibu Roshigumi,
SIGN    Shinsengumi Eighth Unit Captain
     Todo Heisuke
[02:19] Todo
    Todo Heisuke.
[02:22] Ichibanboshi
    What? You're a piece of shit
    samurai of the shit brigade?
[02:29] Todo
    A human-shaped turd like you has
    no right to denigrate a samurai!
[02:35] Ichibanhoshi
    What do you think you're—
[02:37] Todo
    Looks like the man-turd
    is spewing maggots now.
[02:39] Sakuya
    Why did you bring us here?
[02:42] Akira
    Let's make one thing clear.
[02:44] Akira
    We were supposed to be beheaded.
[02:47] Akira
    Are you going to kill us?
[02:49] Todo
    On August 18th, the day
    the government changed,
[02:53] Todo
    someone assassinated Kondou Isami and
    the other commanders of the Shinsengumi.
[03:00] (Flashback) Todo
    Commander...
[03:01] (Flashback) Todo
    Hijikata-san... Guys...
[03:08] Todo
    You were condemned to die today.
[03:12] Todo
    You'll die and be reborn as
    leaders of the Shinsengumi.
[03:16] Suzuran
    What, like shadow leaders?
[03:19] Sogen
    Since they've already died,
    we'll be more like substitutes.
[03:24] Todo
    If you become their substitutes and
    the Shinsengumi continues to exist,
[03:29] Todo
    your executions will be called off.
[03:31] Todo
    If you refuse, now that you know
    our secret, you can't be allowed to live.
[03:36] Sakuya
    If we refuse, we'll be executed immediately.
[03:39] Akira
    That's why you chose criminals.
[03:41] Bo
    Talk about a crazy plan.
[03:42] Gyataro
    Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
[03:45] Todo
    Kondou Isami, Serizawa Kamo,
    Sannan Keisuke, Saitou Hajime,
[03:49] Todo
    Harada Sanosuke, Okita Souji,
    Nagakura Shinpachi, and Hijikata Toshizou.
[03:54] Todo
    Choose now.
[03:56] Todo
    Die here, or become their substitutes.
[03:59] Sakuya
    What does the Shinsengumi do?
[04:02] Todo
    Receive orders from Matsudaira Katamori,
    and maintain peace and order in the capital.
[04:06] Sakuya
    Do you kill people?
[04:07] Todo
    Yes.
[04:08] Sakuya
    Then I accept.
[04:12] Todo
    Hijikata Toshizou, welcome.
[04:14] Ichibanboshi
    That's all it takes for you
    to join the Shinsengumi?
[04:17] Sakuya
    Killing people is the only
    thing I know how to do.
[04:21] Sakuya
    As long as I'm getting paid to kill people,
[04:23] Sakuya
    then it makes no difference whether it's
    for the Shinsengumi or as a hitman.
SIGN    The Hitman
SIGN    Sakuya
[04:29] Sakuya
    Until now, I've followed
    the rules of hired killers.
[04:33] Sakuya
    What should I follow in the Shinsengumi?
[04:35] Todo
    Me. In the Shinsengumi,
    Todo Heisuke is the law.
[04:39] Sakuya
    Understood.
[04:40] Ichibanboshi
    Hah! You're already sucking up to him?
[04:42] Bo
    Wanna eat lotsa yum-yums!
[04:45] Todo
    Naturally, we'll serve you
    all the rice you can eat.
[04:48] Todo
    We'll even provide drinks and sides to go with.
[04:50] Bo
    Join the Shinsengumi.
[04:52] Todo
    Harada Sanosuke, welcome.
[04:54] Bo
    I'mma work real hard and eat lotsa yum-yums!
SIGN    The Glutton
SIGN    Bo
[05:01] Gyataro
    I don't have any reason to say no, either.
[05:05] Gyataro
    The great Gyataro will grace your
    Shinsengumi with his presence.
[05:08] Kondou
    Nagakura Shinpachi, welcome.
[05:11] Gyataro
    There's no freaking way I'm dying here.
[05:14] Gyataro
    I haven't had my fill of liquor,
    women, or gambling yet.
SIGN    The Crime Collector
SIGN    Gyataro
[05:21] Ugo
    Foolish Shinsengumi!
[05:23] Ugo
    Nothing can sway my loyalty to the emperor.
[05:25] Ugu
    I'll never be a dog of the shogunate.
[05:29] Sakuya
    Number 808.
[05:34] Bo
    No...
[05:36] Sakuya
    Did I do something wrong?
[05:38] Todo
    No, that was the right call.
[05:40] Todo
    I'll write in the record that
    Serizawa Kamo died a violent death.
[05:42] Ichibanboshi
    Damn samurai don't care about human lives.
[05:48] Gyataro
    This place is crazier than prison.
[05:50] Sogen
    I have an unrelated question.
[05:53] Sogen
    May I have this body?
[05:58] Todo
    Do as you please.
[05:59] Sogen
    Then I shall join the Shinsengumi, too.
[06:02] Todo
    Sannan Keisuke, welcome.
[06:06] Sogen
    I doubt I'll lack for injured patients
    to treat or dead bodies to dissect here.
SIGN    The Psycho Doctor
SIGN    Sogen
[06:13] Suzuran
    I guess I'll join the Shinsengumi, too.
[06:16] Todo
    Saito Hajime, welcome.
[06:19] Suzuran
    If you're going to producing
    that many corpses,
[06:21] Suzuran
    you'll need someone to pray
    for their restless souls.
SIGN    The Sinful Monk
SIGN    Suzuran
[06:27] Akira
    Let me confirm one thing.
[06:29] Akira
    Is it really acceptable for a woman
    like me to take Okita Soji's place?
[06:34] Ichibanboshi
    You're a woman?
[06:35] Todo
    The Shinsengumi is a total meritocracy.
[06:38] Todo
    You're the only one who cares
    if you're a woman or not.
[06:43] Akira
    Got it. I'll join, too.
[06:46] Todo
    Okita Soji, welcome.
[06:49] Akira
    I disguise myself in order
    to test my strength.
[06:53] Akira
    I won't be outdone by any man,
    whether it's swordsmanship or academics.
SIGN    The Cross-Dressing Woman
SIGN    Akira
[06:58] Todo
    I heard from the prison guards that
    you're an instructor in swordsmanship.
[07:02] Akira
    Indeed I am.
[07:03] Todo
    I'd like you to train the other substitutes.
[07:05] Akira
    Understood.
[07:08] Todo
    That just leaves you.
[07:12] Todo
    Choose.
[07:14] Todo
    Die here, or change the times with us.
[07:19] Ichibanboshi
    I'm not becoming no stinking samurai.
[07:23] Ichibanboshi
    My family was killed by
    samurai wearing funny masks!
[07:33] (Flashback) Masked Samurai
    Give your lives...
[07:36] (Flashback) Masked Samurai
    for the nation.
[07:41] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi'S Dad
    Run, you two!
[07:48] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi
    Pops!
[07:48] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi'S Mom
    Honey!
[07:53] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi'S Mom
    Ichibanboshi...
[07:57] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi'S Mom
    Live.
[08:02] (Flashback) Ichibanboshi
    Ma! Tsukito!
[08:08] Ichibanboshi
    You're not changing the times.
[08:10] Ichibanboshi
    You're just a murderer with
    a sword hanging from his hip!
[08:12] Ichibanboshi
    Don't act so self-important!
[08:15] Ichibanboshi
    There's nothing I hate more than samurai!
[08:23] Todo
    Is this the odd mask that
    samurai was wearing?
[08:29] Ichibanboshi
    What? Where did you get that?
[08:31] Todo
    This mask was worn by the one who
    killed the Shinsengumi's leaders.
[08:36] Todo
    They belong to an organization
    known as the Masked Demons.
[08:39] Todo
    What a coincidence. We want
    revenge on the same man.
[08:43] Todo
    The Shinsengumi is searching for
    the demon who wears this mask.
[08:46] Todo
    Would you like to join the search?
[08:48] Ichibanboshi
    Yeah.
[08:49] Todo
    The Shinsengumi will exterminate
    the Masked Demons and get revenge.
[08:54] Todo
    Would you like to get revenge, too?
[08:56] Ichibanboshi
    Of course. I swear I'll avenge my family.
[09:01] Todo
    Good.
[09:04] Todo
    This is Nagasone Okisato Nyudo Kotetsu.
[09:07] Todo
    It was the late Commander
    Kondou Isami's beloved sword.
[09:10] Todo
    Will you take up this sword
    and become Kondou Isami?
[09:26] Ichibanboshi
    If it'll help me avenge my family,
[09:28] Ichibanboshi
    I'll do anything.
[09:31] Ichibanboshi
    I'll become a damn samurai.
[09:34] Ichibanboshi
    I will be Kondou Isami!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Bakumatsu Bad Boys
SIGN    Aizu Headquarters: Konkai-Komyoji Temple
SIGN    Lord of the Aizu Domain
    Matsudaira Katamori
[11:17] Katamori
    How are the substitutes, Todo?
[11:20] Todo
    They joined the force today.
[11:22] Katamori
    Public order in Kyoto worsens day by day.
[11:25] Katamori
    To prevent the lawless ronin from
    becoming even more impudent,
[11:28] Katamori
    the Shinsengumi cannot be disbanded now.
[11:31] Katamori
    It won't be easy, but I'm asking
    you to look after the criminals.
[11:35] Todo
    Yes, sir. I shall be strict in my guidance.
[11:42] Ichibanboshi
    This is why things never change.
[11:46] Sakuya
    Don't play with swords, fool.
[11:48] Ichibanboshi
    Oh, shut up.
[11:50] Ichibanboshi
    Huh? Where'd shorty go?
[11:53] Suzuran
    Todo-chan said he was
    off to visit Katamori.
[11:56] Ichibanboshi
    Who's that?
[11:57] Sogen
    The Kyoto Military Commissioner
    from the Aizu Domain.
[12:00] Sakuya
    He's our master.
[12:02] Sakuya
    Don't forget that, fool.
[12:03] Ichibanboshi
    Why do you have to keep calling me a fool?
[12:07] Akira
    Enough.
[12:07] Ichibanboshi
    Huh?
[12:09] Akira
    Practice begins now.
[12:12] Akizuki
    Katamori, there's no need to rely
    on the leaderless Shinsengumi.
SIGN    Aizu Domain Steward
    Akizuki Teijiro
[12:17] Akizuki
    The shogunate has the Mimawarigumi—
[12:19] Katamori
    Akizuki, the Mimawarigumi is currently
    recruiting immediate followers of the shogun.
[12:23] Katamori
    We've no choice but to let the
    Shinsengumi handle things right now.
[12:28] Katamori
    I hate to say it, but that's the current
    state of the declining shogunate.
[12:32] Katamori
    Todo, I don't expect
    much from the criminals.
[12:36] Katamori
    They just need to maintain enough
    influence to scare the forces
[12:38] Katamori
    attempting to overthrow the shogunate.
[12:40] Todo
    You are too kind.
[12:43] Todo
    I swear the Shinsengumi will be restored
    and protect public order in Kyoto.
[12:49] Akira
    Who among you has studied swordsmanship?
[12:52] Ichibanboshi
    Not me.
[12:55] Gyataro
    I use this thing.
[12:57] Bo
    This for me.
[12:59] Suzuran
    Monks don't kill.
[13:01] Sogen
    Gunpowder is more effective.
[13:05] Akira
    I'm worried about our future.
[13:08] Akira
    Composed of members
    from various social classes,
[13:11] Akira
    the Shinsengumi displays the
    word "sincerity" on its flag
SIGN    Sincerity
[13:12] Akira
    and follows the way of the samurai.
[13:15] Akira
    We can't neglect our sword skills.
[13:18] Akira
    We'll begin training in pairs.
[13:20] Akira
    Kondou.
[13:22] Akira
    Commander Kondou.
[13:25] Ichibanboshi
    Oh, you mean me.
[13:26] Ichibanboshi
    All right. Let's do this.
[13:30] Akira
    No need to hold back.
[13:32] Akira
    Come and get me.
[13:37] Ichibanboshi
    I won't be using this thing.
[13:39] Akira
    You can't practice without it.
[13:42] Ichibanboshi
    I just need to win, right?
[13:47] Katamori
    I investigated this mask.
[13:49] Katamori
    It resembles the ones they use in noh plays.
[13:52] Todo
    Noh plays?
[13:53] Akizuki
    If it's a rare article, then we'll
     find them quickly.
[13:57] Katamori
    We'll continue our investigation as well.
[13:59] Todo
    Thank you. I appreciate it.
[14:02] Katamori
    Now then, Todo.
[14:03] Katamori
    I heard there are ronin wandering
    around Shimabara and Gion.
[14:08] Todo
    We'll take of it immediately.
[14:12] Akira
    Pick up your wooden sword!
[14:14] Ichibanboshi
    I'll fight my way!
[14:16] Suzuran
    I'm surprised he can fight like that.
[14:19] Gyataro
    I'm actually impressed.
[14:20] Sogen
    Why was he chosen to be Commander Kondou?
[14:23] Bo
    Huh?
[14:23] Sakuya
    Dumboshi.
[14:30] Todo
    Stop!
[14:41] Todo
    You fool!
[14:45] Ichibanboshi
    What was that for?
[14:46] Todo
    Is your head full of
    bean paste, you rotten bun?
[14:50] Todo
    The sword is a samurai's soul.
[14:52] Todo
    Who throws one on the ground?
[14:55] Ichibanboshi
    I don't like swords.
[14:57] Sakuya
    You let the shithead get ahead of himself.
[14:59] Ichibanboshi
    What?
[14:59] Sakuya
    You shouldn't have held back against him.
[15:02] Akira
    But...
[15:05] Todo
    We won't be fighting opponents
    who can be defeated with kicks.
[15:09] Todo
    Are you even trying to avenge your family?
[15:11] Ichibanboshi
    Fine, fine. I'll learn
    your stupid swordsmanship
[15:14] Ichibanboshi
    and become the best of this
    bunch before you know it.
[15:18] Todo
    Get ready, everyone.
[15:19] Todo
    It's your first job.
[15:34] Todo
    We're heading out to patrol the city
    and take care of some business.
[15:37] Ichibanboshi
    All right. Let's blitz 'em!
[15:40] Sakuya
    Blitz?
[15:41] Bo
    Blitz!
[15:42] Gyataro
    Does blitzing require a target?
[15:46] Todo
    Of course.
[15:47] Suzuran
    Akira-chan, have you
    experienced a blitz before?
[15:49] Akira
    No, I've never blitzed anything.
[15:52] Sogen
    Blitz...
[15:53] Sogen
    Is that perhaps a German word?
[15:55] Todo
    Who cares? We've got a job to do!
[15:58] Todo
    We'll split into three groups focused around
    those of you with combat experience.
[16:02] Todo
    Gyataro, Bo and I will head to Gion.
[16:05] Both
    Understood.
[16:06] Todo
    Akira, Sogen, and Suzuran
    will go to Karasuma.
[16:09] All
    Understood.
[16:09] Todo
    That leaves Ichibanboshi and Sakuya to—
[16:11] Ichibanboshi
    Hey, why am I going with him?
[16:11] Sakuya
    Wait, why am I going with him?
[16:14] Todo
    Sakuya, you're strong.
[16:16] Todo
    Even with a puppy running
    circles around you barking,
[16:20] Todo
    you'll manage just fine by yourself.
[16:21] Ichibanboshi
    Who are you calling a puppy?
[16:23] Todo
    You, you mangy dog!
[16:24] Ichibanboshi
    Arf!
[16:26] Todo
    Ichibanboshi isn't the only one.
[16:28] Todo
    Your sword skills are underdeveloped.
[16:30] Todo
    Avoid combat as much as possible. Got it?
[16:33] All
    Understood.
[16:38] Ronin D
    You scoundrel!
[16:42] Rashomaru
    So weak.
[16:43] Rashomaru
    You're a weak one, aren't you?
    Shall I give you this sword?
[16:48] Rashomaru
    Use this sword for the nation.
[17:00] Bo
    Huh?
SIGN    Tempura
[17:09] Todo
    Idiot!
[17:10] Shopkeeper
    Huh?
[17:11] Todo
    That's not something a samurai should do.
[17:13] Bo
    Oh...
[17:16] Todo
    Forgive me.
[17:17] Shopkeeper
    It's fine.
[17:20] Gyataro
    You got in trouble.
[17:22] Bo
    Aw...
[17:22] Todo
    Gyataro, we're being paid by the shogunate.
[17:26] Todo
    You don't need to do that.
[17:28] Gyataro
    Do what?
[17:31] Todo
    Put it back. You're not a criminal anymore.
[17:38] Gyataro
    Hey, isn't this your wallet?
[17:41] Townsfolk Man
    Oh, thanks.
[17:48] Suzuran
    You were awesome, Akira-chan.
[17:51] Suzuran
    If I'm going to die anyway, I'd like
    to be killed by a beauty like you.
[17:56] Akira
    I thought you were a former monk.
[17:58] Akira
    Should you be hitting on women?
[18:00] Suzuran
    "I saw a monk buy a hairpin for a girl."
[18:06] Suzuran
    It's like the song.
[18:09] Akira
    Good grief.
[18:12] Sogen
    Look over there.
[18:15] Akira
    Todo.
[18:16] Todo
    Someone was testing a new sword.
[18:17] Gyataro
    The wound's not deep, but the blood...
[18:21] Oito
    Pops...
[18:23] Suzuran
    Now this is an odd wound.
[18:26] Shigekichi
    I'm not gonna make it.
[18:28] Sogen
    I'll treat you.
[18:30] Sogen
    You have a 93.5% chance of surviving.
[18:34] Sogen
    Or would you rather be dissected?
[18:43] Suzuran
    Don't worry. If you die,
    we've got a monk right here.
[18:48] Todo
    You two handle this.
[18:50] Todo
    We're going after the lawless ronin.
[18:51] Both
    Got it.
[18:52] Ichibanboshi
    I'll surpass your sword skills before
    you know it and become number one.
[18:57] Sakuya
    You're already number one
    when it comes to stupidity.
[18:59] Ichibanboshi
    Why, you...
[19:00] Townsfolk Man
    Please help!
[19:07] Sakuya
    That sword...
[19:08] Ichibanboshi
    It was me. I found them first.
[19:11] Sakuya
    Hey.
[19:12] Ronin D
    Give your life for the nation.
[19:16] Ichibanboshi
    Blitzed ya!
[19:24] Ichibanboshi
    Found you, you masked bastard.
[19:30] Ichibanboshi
    Ow!
[19:31] Ichibanboshi
    Sakuya, don't get in my way.
[19:34] Sakuya
    Silence.
[19:34] Ichibanboshi
    Huh?
[19:39] Sakuya
    Number 809.
[19:57] Ichibanboshi
    Damn it.
[19:58] Sakuya
    What kind of moron suddenly
    charges at the enemy?
[20:00] Ichibanboshi
    I couldn't help it. My body moved on its own.
[20:04] Sakuya
    You must learn your
    opponents' abilities first.
[20:06] Sakuya
    Draw your sword after.
[20:08] Ichibanboshi
    Someone could've been killed if we waited.
[20:11] Ichibanboshi
    What are you even wearing that sword for?
[20:14] Sakuya
    To kill people.
[20:16] Ichibanboshi
    Well, not me.
[20:17] Ichibanboshi
    I wear one to protect people.
[20:20] Ichibanboshi
    Hold up!
[20:20] Sakuya
    Hey!
[20:21] Sakuya
    We should follow orders and return to—
[20:23] Sakuya
    Damn it, Dumboshi.
[20:28] Sakuya
    Todo.
[20:29] Todo
    Sakuya, what is it?
[20:32] Sakuya
    A lawless samurai showed up in Shimabara.
[20:34] Sakuya
    He was wearing one of those
    masks and wielding an odd sword.
[20:37] Akira
    Where's Ichibanboshi?
[20:38] Sakuya
    He ignored orders and followed him alone.
[20:41] Todo
    That absolute idiot!
[20:43] Todo
    That dung beetle can't even
    do anything on his own!
[20:49] Ichibanboshi
    You're not getting away from me.
[20:52] Townsfolk Man
    Help!
[20:54] Ichibanboshi
    Don't.
[20:57] Ichibanboshi
    The world doesn't need more guys like me.
[21:04] Ichibanboshi
    Don't...
[21:17] Ichibanboshi
    Kotetsu?
[21:21] Todo
    That light...
[21:40] Ichibanboshi
    Long before I was born,
[21:42] Ichibanboshi
    someone from somewhere turned
    this world into absolute shit.
[21:48] Townsfolk Mother
    Who are you?
[21:50] Ichibanboshi
    Huh? Who, me?
[21:52] Ichibanboshi
    I...
[21:55] Ichibanboshi
    I serve the Kyoto Military Commissioner
    as Shinsengumi Commander Kondou Isami.
[22:01] Ichibanboshi
    I mean, I'm a newbie who just became him.
[22:05] Ichibanboshi
    And this shit world that smells like
    shit to this day is beginning to change.
SIGN    Episode One
    Deceive! The Shinsengumi of Criminals
SIGN    Shine On!
    Bakumatsu Bad Boys
SIGN    Shine On!
    Bakumatsu Bad Boys
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Shine On!
SIGN    Bakumatsu Bad Boys
SIGN    Bakumatsu Bad Boys!
[23:48] Sakuya
    How does "ichiban hikare"
    mean "Bakumatsu Bad Boys!"?
[23:51] Ichibanboshi
    Well, this part's the "Bakumatsu,"
[23:53] Ichibanboshi
    and this part's the "Bad Boys!"
[23:54] Sakuya
    It was stupid of me to ask you.
[23:57] Ichibanboshi
    Huh?
SIGN    Bakumatsu Bad Boys!
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin
SIGN    Fin