5 - Untitled

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Urata
    This is so bad! Come on!
[00:02] Urata
    You can't even see me.
[00:04] Senra
    I like it. You're like
    an unidentified creature.
[00:07] Urata
    Who are you calling a cryptid?!
[00:08] Urata
    Let's take another picture.
[00:10] Sakata
    You've been pretty quiet, Shima. What's up?
[00:12] Shima
    I was wondering...
    Why isn't there anyone in class?
SIGN    9:00 Assemble in gymnasium
[00:15] Urata
    It's a school assembly today!
SIGN    Days of Urashimasakatasen
[01:17] Urata
    There are two kinds of people in the world.
[01:20] Urata
    Those who listen to the principal
    in the morning greeting,
[01:23] Sakata
    and those who don't listen to the principal.
[01:26] Senra
    Which kind are you viewers
    on the other side of the screen?
[01:29] Urata
    Thank goodness we made it.
[01:31] Senra
    Come to think of it, I've never
    seen the principal before.
[01:33] Urata
    Oh, yeah. I wonder what he's like.
[01:36] Shima
    I heard he's a weird old guy
    who was hired just recently.
[01:39] Senra
    A weird old guy, huh?
[01:40] Senra
    I'm curious.
[01:41] Sakata
    His hairstyle's probably something like this.
SIGN    Dress-up
[01:43] Sakata
    That's how most principals do their hair.
[01:45] Senra
    Apparently he's weird, so maybe he's got
    a buzz cut and walks around with a katana.
[01:49] Urata
    That's beyond weird!
[01:51] Urata
    Go back to something
    a little more normal!
[01:53] Shima
    How about an all-back, then?
[01:54] Urata
    And a suit or something, I guess.
SIGN    The* Principal
[01:57] Sakata
    That's too stereotypical.
[01:59] Sakata
    Let's give him a twist.
[02:00] Urata
    Why does he need a twist?!
[02:02] Shima
    He might wear an animal suit
    to try to be memorable.
SIGN    The* Principal 2
[02:05] Senra
    Maybe he's a no-clothes who just wears undies.
[02:07] Urata
    What the hell is the no-clothes?
[02:08] Urata
    Don't come to school like that!
[02:09] Senra
    I mean, he's probably hungover.
[02:12] Shima
    He drinks too hard on the night before
[02:13] ---
    and comes to school piss-drunk.
[02:15] Shima
    As a single father,
     he raised his lone daughter,
[02:17] ---
    and now she has a boyfriend.
[02:19] Senra
    But her boyfriend turns out to be cheating.
[02:23] Shima
    Her father loses his temper!
[02:24] Shima
    The gong sounds!
[02:25] Senra
    Clang!
[02:26] Sakata
    Before he knows it, he's in his underwear
[02:28] ---
    and it's ten minutes before
    the school assembly.
[02:30] Urata
    Why the bit about him
    fighting his daughter's boyfriend?!
[02:32] Urata
    He's obviously going to dress normally!
[02:34] Urata
    He's coming in a suit. End of story.
[02:35] Shima
    Oh, and glasses...
[02:37] Shima
    Well, that's normal.
[02:37] Urata
    Normal is fine.
[02:39] Sakata
    Please! At least shades!
[02:41] Sakata
    At least give him shades!
[02:42] Urata
    No!
[02:43] Urata
    Principals aren't like that!
[02:44] Urata
    Wait, why am I getting so upset?
[02:46] Urata
    Fine, whatever, give him shades.
[02:48] Senra
    This is the principal of our dreams.
[02:50] Urata
    I feel like I've seen this person somewhere.
[02:53] Voice
    I know, right?
[02:55] Shima
    The principal's speaking.
[02:56] Senra
    Buzz cut! Katana!
[02:57] Sakata
    Underwear! Underwear!
[02:59] Urata
    That's not happening.
[03:01] Urata
    Isn't that person the principal?
[03:04] Sakata
    Dude, look at that!
[03:06] Principal
    Good morning, everyone.
[03:08] Principal
    It's been half a year since I was hired,
[03:09] ---
    but I'm there are still plenty of you
    who are shocked at my appearance.
[03:13] Principal
    I'm always shocked when I see
[03:14] ---
    how many students are standing
    here before me, too.
[03:18] Principal
    I'd like to share some
    good news with you today.
[03:22] Principal
    There will be no school for the next
     three weeks starting tomorrow.
[03:26] Principal
    Just kidding.
[03:28] Principal
    Our baseball team has shown
    some excellent results.
[03:30] Shima
    Our principal....
[03:32] Senra
    He's weird, huh?
[03:33] Urata
    He's beyond weird.
[03:35] Sakata
    Time to transfer again.
[03:37] Principal
    They've done outstanding work.
[03:39] Principal
    The baseball team isn't the only one that's
    working hard. You're all sparkling.
[03:42] Principal
    How wonderful!
[03:44] All
    To be continued.