5 - No Reason I'd Lose!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    "Special Campaign!"
[00:05] ---
    "Old-School Arcade Game Corner"
[00:09] ---
    Ron! Mangan!
[00:09] ---
    "Ron"
[00:10] ---
    "Ron"
    "Mangan"
[00:14] ---
    What are you doing to me?
    I'm just a college student!
[00:16] ---
    Big Bro! Why do you keep
    playing these games?
[00:20] ---
    This is how I'm training
    to defeat the Bugged Ones!
[00:23] ---
    I might have to face them
    with mahjong at some point.
[00:26] ---
    Oh, I see! Then I understand.
[00:29] ---
    You're horny.
[00:31] ---
    Not for kids!
[00:33] ---
    Why?
[00:34] ---
    Go play with the UFO catcher.
    There was a prize you wanted, right? Here.
[00:39] ---
    Yay!
[00:40] ---
    Thanks, Big Bro!
[00:43] ---
    Yay!
[00:45] ---
    All right...
[00:46] ---
    As ace fighter of vigilante
    group Electric Mayonnaise,
[00:49] ---
    I vow to not leave a single
    layer of clothing remain!
[02:23] ---
    "Ron"
[02:23] ---
    Ron! Yakuman!
[02:23] ---
    "Ron"
    "Yakuman"
[02:26] ---
    You're pathetic! You can be my slave!
[02:28] ---
    "TRIP 5 - No Reason I'd Lose!"
[02:32] ---
    Well, mahjong really isn't my strong suit.
[02:35] ---
    But seriously, this place has
    a ton of interesting retro games.
[02:39] ---
    They're all from before my time.
[02:41] ---
    That's the legendary TV Sugoroku,
    Pario the Tonchiki!
[02:44] ---
    Hey, that's...
[02:46] ---
    Street Fighter 2!
[02:49] ---
    I remember I used to play this
    at the candy store nearby.
[02:53] ---
    I used to suck at fighting games,
    but now I should be able to pull it off!
[03:13] ---
    Wow, the game is a lot faster
    than I remember it...
[03:15] ---
    I don't remember the special moves either.
[03:20] ---
    I'm starting to remember!
[03:23] ---
    Yes! Finish!
[03:28] ---
    A kid?
[03:30] ---
    Playing this old game?
[03:32] ---
    No matter. Whoever my
    opponent is, I will crush them all!
[03:50] ---
    This kid is... good!
[04:03] ---
    It can't be! How can I get
    cheesed so unilaterally?
[04:07] ---
    There must be something wrong
    with the machine!
[04:12] ---
    Nobody who complains about the machine
    has ever been good or gotten better.
[04:19] ---
    Hey, wait!
    There's one more round! Hey!
[04:24] ---
    Have I seen that kid somewhere...?
[04:31] ---
    Yay! I caught Shira-taro!
[04:36] ---
    Now I have the entire Louse Quintuplet set!
[04:39] ---
    Hey! Big Bro!
[04:41] ---
    Hey, Niwaka.
[04:43] ---
    I got a whole ton!
[04:45] ---
    Oh, good job.
[04:50] ---
    What the... What's this?!
[04:52] ---
    Big Bro!
[04:53] ---
    Niwaka!
[04:56] ---
    Niwaka!
[04:57] ---
    Big Bro, help!
[04:59] ---
    I'm coming to help!
[05:01] ---
    "If you hit machine,
    you will be banned. And die!"
[05:03] ---
    No! If I break the glass,
    people would get mad!
[05:06] ---
    Big Bro! Help!
[05:10] ---
    Niwaka!
[05:12] ---
    Dammit! Should I have risked getting banned
    from this place and just broke the glass?!
[05:15] ---
    You've improved.
[05:17] ---
    Huh?!
[05:18] ---
    Wha--?!
[05:20] ---
    This time, you didn't hit the machine.
[05:23] ---
    You improved in such a short time.
[05:26] ---
    What's your point? Hey... Are you--?
[05:38] ---
    "We have your sister"
[05:40] ---
    You...!
[05:52] ---
    Hello?
[05:53] ---
    Niwaka's in trouble!
[05:56] ---
    I know...
[06:00] ---
    "Threatening letter"
    "If you want your sister back,
[06:00] ---
    "If you want your sister back,
[06:01] ---
    join the tournament for the super popular
    fighting game Street Fighter V,
[06:02] ---
    join tomorrow's tournament for the
    super popular fighting game Street Fighter V,
[06:04] ---
    taking place tomorrow, and win.
    I have registered you already.
[06:05] ---
    We will take good care of your sister
    until the results come out.
[06:06] ---
    However, if you resist, you put
    her life at risk. I'll see you at the finals."
[06:08] ---
    and win.
[06:09] ---
    I have registered you already.
[06:12] ---
    We will take good care of your sister
    until the results come out."
[06:16] ---
    Hmm...
[06:17] ---
    Now they've resorted to taking hostages.
[06:20] ---
    But still, to win at
    a fighting game tournament...
[06:24] ---
    There is a SF5 tournament tomorrow.
[06:29] ---
    This one.
[06:30] ---
    "Starts this summer!!"
[06:31] ---
    Way Way Cup Evolution Fight
    in Akihabara. It's a very big event.
[06:36] ---
    Hmm, I see...
[06:39] ---
    Many famous gamers competing.
[06:42] ---
    "...fight Matsuko!"
[06:42] ---
    Oh, the winner gets to fight
    against the famous Matsuko!
[06:46] ---
    Matsuko?
[06:47] ---
    Ma, you are Japanese and you don't know?
[06:50] ---
    It's this girl.
[06:52] ---
    She is the prettiest and strongest
    gamer girl of this millenium.
[06:55] ---
    She's a total genius, and has
    won tournaments all over the world.
[07:00] ---
    It's that kid!
[07:02] ---
    What?
[07:03] ---
    This is the kid that took Niwaka!
[07:06] ---
    This girl?
[07:07] ---
    Yeah! I saw her at the arcade!
[07:09] ---
    Hmm? Moi! This is a legendary video
    of Matsuko's gameplay!
[07:22] ---
    What is this? This is beyond human...
[07:25] ---
    She has to be a Bugged One!
[07:27] ---
    Hmph. So the so-called
    genius gamer just turned out to be
[07:30] ---
    a Bugged One abusing her power.
[07:32] ---
    What a turn-off.
[07:34] ---
    So you know what you're facing,
    but can you beat her?
[07:37] ---
    She's not the only one.
[07:39] ---
    There are many other professional
    gamers at this tournament,
[07:42] ---
    and you'd have to beat them all.
[07:44] ---
    But I'm not very good at fighting games...
[07:47] ---
    Training!
[07:49] ---
    Confucius says,
    "You don't know until you try!"
[07:51] ---
    Individually deploy forces to try everything!
[07:55] ---
    Yeah... If I get scared before I even try,
    what kind of big brother would I be?
[08:00] ---
    Let's do it! Let's train!
    I will save Niwaka, no matter what!
[08:03] ---
    I was waiting for you to utter those words!
[08:05] ---
    Oh?
[08:06] ---
    Doctor!
[08:07] ---
    What's up?
[08:08] ---
    I expected this would happen,
[08:09] ---
    and I happened to create a
    fighting game training machine.
[08:14] ---
    You want to train, right?
[08:23] ---
    What is this?!
[08:24] ---
    It's the Training Machine Number One!
[08:27] ---
    How does this help with fighting games?
[08:29] ---
    According to my theories, immensely!
[08:31] ---
    Hey, hey, hey! Slow down the--
[08:36] ---
    Good!
[08:39] ---
    Now train your reflexes with this!
[08:43] ---
    Moi!
[08:44] ---
    Strike!
[08:47] ---
    Wait! Shouldn't I be at bat--
[08:53] ---
    I swear, I'll get the next one!
[08:59] ---
    Strike!
[09:00] ---
    Good! Next!
[09:02] ---
    Next, we train your toughness!
[09:06] ---
    You have to be kidding--
[09:11] ---
    --Help! No! Argh!
[09:11] ---
    --Next is quick button pressing training!
    --Help! No! Argh!
[09:15] ---
    "Akiba Quiz"
[09:16] ---
    Yes, Tamotsu! What is the answer?
[09:18] ---
    Um... Shiki Masaoka?
[09:23] ---
    Next! Training to withstand pressure!
[09:26] ---
    Next! Training limbs to withstand
    long hours of fighting!
[09:31] ---
    Next! Um, for whatever reason,
    burning at the stake!
[09:36] ---
    I'm dying... Am I dying...?
[09:40] ---
    No! I refuse to die! I must save
    my sister and defeat Matsuko!
[10:01] ---
    You did it! You mastered
    the legendary 16-hits-per-second!
[10:07] ---
    I search for someone stronger than me...
[10:10] ---
    Just you wait, Matsuko!
[10:18] ---
    The very first
    Akiba Way Way Cup! Evolution fight!
[10:22] ---
    Everyone, are you way-way out there?!
[10:25] ---
    Way!
[10:28] ---
    I will be your caster, Mashiro Kuga.
[10:30] ---
    Our commentator is this man,
    who you all know!
[10:33] ---
    Hello.
[10:34] ---
    Have you all read Tsurezuregusa?
[10:37] ---
    There is a passage in there by a
    master of Sugoroku...
[10:42] ---
    I can't believe I am so calm.
    I feel like I can even win a round robin.
[10:47] ---
    But all the opponents look so formidable!
[10:50] ---
    After all the training he went through,
[10:53] ---
    there is no way a human gamer
    can beat Tamotsu.
[10:56] ---
    Yeah...
[10:57] ---
    "Matsuko" "P" "Mashiro"
[10:57] ---
    Besides, I have to get to the
    final match to fight her...
[11:02] ---
    First round, representing the United States
    is Frog oZma, facing the new blood, Tamo-II!
[11:11] ---
    Tamotsu! Good luck!
[11:13] ---
    Stay sharp! Don't let your guard down!
[11:23] ---
    First match, game one! Ready... Go!
[11:30] ---
    Now the first round begins!
[11:35] ---
    I have no time to waste on this loser!
[11:37] ---
    My only target is Matsuko!
[11:44] ---
    And it's over!
[11:45] ---
    He did it! Frog oZma wins!
[11:50] ---
    Huh...?
[11:52] ---
    Who would have expected
    a perfect straight victory?
[11:56] ---
    Going on to the next match...
[12:00] ---
    "Defeat"
[12:03] ---
    In order to rescue
    his abducted sister Niwaka,
[12:06] ---
    Tamotsu pulls an all-nighter to train up for
    the Way Way Cup fighting game tournament.
[12:11] ---
    Though he was defeated in the first round,
[12:14] ---
    he went undefeated in
    the consolation match and loser's round
[12:17] ---
    to get to the final match...
[12:22] ---
    Incredible! Tamotsu defeats Inferno,
    the one everyone expected to be the finalist,
[12:26] ---
    to climb to the top of the tournament!
[12:30] ---
    Now Tamotsu has earned the right
    to challenge Matsuko, the gaming genius!
[12:35] ---
    How will the fight between
    these two play out?
[12:39] ---
    I will defeat you and get my sister back!
[12:43] ---
    Sister? I don't know what
    you're talking about.
[12:46] ---
    But anyway, I've been waiting for you.
[12:48] ---
    The moment I saw you, I could feel
    there was something special about you.
[12:52] ---
    Something that would finally
    let me play a little seriously!
[12:57] ---
    And it's time for the showdown!
[13:00] ---
    Final match! Ready... Go!
[13:04] ---
    Victory to the quickest!
[13:10] ---
    Tamotsu is unstoppable!
[13:13] ---
    There is a Spanish saying
    that the best defense is offense...
[13:15] ---
    Is this it? Well, I do have
    the advantage... I have to press on!
[13:23] ---
    He maintains his pressure,
    connects to an air combo...
[13:28] ---
    Critical art! He nails it!
[13:31] ---
    Yes!
[13:32] ---
    Tamotsu lands the first blow!
[13:36] ---
    There is a Chinese proverb:
    "The early bird gets the worm..."
[13:39] ---
    Moi! Tamotsu is victorious!
[13:42] ---
    Yes!
[13:43] ---
    No, that's not it.
    That's how Matsuko does things.
[13:46] ---
    Who are you?
[13:47] ---
    Yeah... Matsuko always spends
    the first round on studying the opponent.
[13:51] ---
    Seriously, who are you guys?!
[13:53] ---
    If you look at Matsuko's records,
[13:54] ---
    she loses many of the first
    rounds in best-of-three matches.
[13:57] ---
    She starts by letting
    the opponent do as they like,
[13:59] ---
    to analyze their fighting style!
[14:01] ---
    Then, she installs
    the enemy's data into her brain
[14:04] ---
    to churn out the formula to victory...
[14:06] ---
    She evolves into a perfect game-brain!
[14:10] ---
    What?!
[14:11] ---
    You threw the first round?
[14:14] ---
    I am a professional gamer...
[14:16] ---
    Everything I do is a step
    towards victory, I throw nothing.
[14:19] ---
    Strong words! Matsuko shows
    unparalleled dignity!
[14:24] ---
    Well, I think the same way every day.
[14:27] ---
    But this isn't all you've got, is it?
[14:31] ---
    I can tell...
[14:34] ---
    Round 2... Fight!
[14:43] ---
    Matsuko reveals her true skills!
[14:45] ---
    Can Tamotsu do anything?!
[14:50] ---
    I have to at least block!
[14:54] ---
    And she wins!
[14:57] ---
    Matsuko reveals her true skills! She defeats
    Tamotsu without using special moves!
[15:01] ---
    Is this proof that the difference
    in skill is impossible to overturn?!
[15:04] ---
    The bigger the gap,
    the greater the chance of an upset.
[15:09] ---
    She's strong... Strongest in the world...
[15:11] ---
    They don't call her strongest
    in the millennium for nothing...
[15:14] ---
    No, you're strong, too.
[15:17] ---
    You can do much better.
[15:20] ---
    You haven't been pushed hard enough.
[15:25] ---
    I'll show you!
[15:29] ---
    Is it coming? Is it coming?!
[15:32] ---
    There it is!
[15:35] ---
    Wha--?!
[15:36] ---
    And Matsuko disrobes! This is Matsuko time!
[15:41] ---
    Keep your eyes peeled, everyone!
[15:45] ---
    What?! Why her clothes?!
[15:47] ---
    That... is the ancient
    Chinese martial art, Fists of Shame!
[15:51] ---
    Huh?!
[15:52] ---
    Masters of that art can disrobe
    to press themselves into a corner,
[15:58] ---
    awakening all of their potentials.
[16:00] ---
    In the history of gaming,
[16:02] ---
    the legendary mahjong master Jan Ki
    of the 16 kingdoms period...
[16:06] ---
    In Japan, the Edo-era shogi master
    Mataro the Viper used this.
[16:11] ---
    It is rumored that the system is built
    into the computer go program
[16:16] ---
    that defeated the human
    champion Yi Daeheol.
[16:19] ---
    It is supposed to take 30 years
    of training to master that art.
[16:23] ---
    Matsuko truly must be a genius.
[16:25] ---
    But... A Bugged One, disrobing?
[16:29] ---
    The pressure is incredible...!
    Does she have no shame?!
[16:32] ---
    I have no shame.
[16:35] ---
    What I do have...
[16:38] ---
    ...is the will to keep winning!
[16:40] ---
    She pushes harder!
[16:42] ---
    Matsuko! Matsuko!
[16:44] ---
    Now, show me yours!
[16:47] ---
    Dammit!
[16:48] ---
    Round 3... Fight!
[16:53] ---
    I can't react fast enough!
[16:55] ---
    Unstoppable! Matsuko's onslaught
    is unstoppable!
[16:59] ---
    Does Tamotsu even have a chance?!
[17:03] ---
    That was too close! Tamotsu
    escapes skillfully!
[17:06] ---
    That could have ended the match
    right there. If I were him...
[17:09] ---
    Dammit... Is there nothing I can do?
[17:16] ---
    This is it!
[17:17] ---
    I'm undressing, too!
[17:21] ---
    Huh?! No! Tamotsu, you'll die
    if you take off your clothes!
[17:24] ---
    No matter! I gave my life to
    gaming... Now I set it ablaze!
[17:29] ---
    What? Is he crazy? Tamotsu,
    you going naked won't please anyone!
[17:36] ---
    No, there is a niche but
    very solid fan base for that!
[17:42] ---
    Incredible! Tamotsu catches up to Matsuko!
[17:47] ---
    Good... This is what I've been waiting for!
[17:49] ---
    Oh, yes! Thank you!
[17:52] ---
    Wow! Matsuko! Matsuko!
[17:55] ---
    The battle is intense!
[18:00] ---
    This is quite an intense battle!
[18:04] ---
    Their concentration is
    unbelievable, and totally equal!
[18:07] ---
    But they haven't peaked yet!
[18:11] ---
    Uh-oh... One more hit will end this!
[18:15] ---
    That was fun... I'm glad I was able
    to face someone as strong as you...
[18:21] ---
    But this ends here, now!
[18:24] ---
    End? No!
[18:26] ---
    This is the beginning of my legend!
[18:29] ---
    What?!
[18:30] ---
    Tamotsu stands on his hands!
    Has he gone mad?!
[18:38] ---
    Wha--?
[18:43] ---
    This is dangerous on so many levels!
[18:45] ---
    As long as it's not visible, we're okay!
[18:47] ---
    Moi! This is what that training was for!
[18:51] ---
    So that's what it was for!
[18:52] ---
    Huh? Um... Ugh!
[19:19] ---
    It's... It's over...?
[19:24] ---
    The winner of this astonishing
    match is Tamotsu!
[19:27] ---
    He defeated the champion Matsuko!
[19:30] ---
    He did it!
[19:31] ---
    Just as I calculated.
[19:34] ---
    Oh! Tamotsu!
[19:35] ---
    I did it!
[19:39] ---
    I'm dying! I'm dying!
[19:41] ---
    I'm going to die!
[19:50] ---
    Your passion defeated mine at the very end.
    I have been thoroughly defeated.
[19:54] ---
    No... It was close. I was on the verge, too.
[19:59] ---
    So now that I've won, give me
    my sister back, as promised.
[20:04] ---
    Like I said before,
    what are you talking about?
[20:06] ---
    No, stop playing dumb.
[20:10] ---
    Huh? N... No...
[20:13] ---
    No!
[20:15] ---
    Don't stare at my standing hair!
[20:17] ---
    What's going on?
[20:18] ---
    I knew it. She's not a Bugged One.
[20:21] ---
    Huh...?
[20:22] ---
    She doesn't seem to take any damage
    from disrobing, and her hair color is normal.
[20:26] ---
    Then who is behind all of this?!
[20:32] ---
    First, thank you for the great game!
[20:35] ---
    Could it be?!
[20:36] ---
    I thought I could take you all out and remove
    the obstacle to our control of Akiba...
[20:41] ---
    But I suppose nothing is ever that easy.
[20:44] ---
    It was you!
[20:46] ---
    Oh, it's him again, with his little show.
[20:48] ---
    It's always so dull.
[20:50] ---
    However! Now that your stamina is spent--
[20:53] ---
    Shut up! Die!
[20:56] ---
    Please don't hate SF5 even if you hate me!
[21:06] ---
    And that's it for the Akiba
    Way Way Cup The Evolution Fight!
[21:11] ---
    "The End"
[21:13] ---
    The skit at the end was pretty funny today.
[21:15] ---
    Yeah, that was pretty intense.
[21:17] ---
    Where's Niwaka?!
[21:18] ---
    "The Hostage Room"
[21:19] ---
    Niwaka!
[21:20] ---
    Hey, Big Bro!
[21:22] ---
    I can't beat this game...
[21:27] ---
    She's taking it easy.
[21:29] ---
    After all we've been through...
[21:31] ---
    I'm trying really hard
    to beat this game, too!
[21:34] ---
    Okay, your big bro will help you.
[21:36] ---
    Really?! But why are you totally naked below?
[21:41] ---
    Oh. Oops, I totally forgot.
[21:44] ---
    Oh, you're so sloppy.
[21:46] ---
    Hey! You died, too!
[21:49] ---
    Yeah, I'm not good at action games.
[21:52] ---
    Okay, what should we play next?!
[23:25] ---
    Let's go to a world of bright lights,
    turning on the switch in your heart!
[23:28] ---
    What are you saying all of a sudden?
[23:29] ---
    Well, I was raising my spirits for building
    my new PC, and the words just came out.
[23:32] ---
    What does that even mean?
    I thought the phrase was kind of cool...
[23:34] ---
    Akiba's Trip The Animation! Next
    episode: "Your Memory Is Full"
[23:35] ---
    "TRIP 6 - Your Memory Is Full"
[23:37] ---
    Climbing the steps to
    adulthood, mi la sol sol fa.
[23:41] ---
    
[23:43] ---