E2 - The Kaiju Who Defeats Kaiju

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Reno
    When that Kaiju showed up
    and you told me to run away...
[00:05] Reno
    If you hadn't saved my life then,
[00:09] Reno
    I would've died today.
[00:13] Reno
    You really should think
    about joining the Defense Force.
[00:22] Kafka
    Thanks, Ichikawa.
[00:25] Kafka
    You really are a nice guy.
[00:28] Kafka
    I'm going to give
    the Defense Force another go—
[00:35] Young Kaiju No. 8
    Found you.
[00:37] Kafka
    A Kai... A Kai—
[00:39] Reno
    Senpai?
[02:17] Mina
    Don't worry!
[02:19] Mina
    "Whenever you get scared...
[02:21] Mina
    I'll always be right by your side!"
[02:23] Mina
    Hah! You read too much manga, Kafka-kun.
[02:27] Mina
    That's so corny!
[02:29] Kafka
    Don't you dare tell my mom,
    or your mom, that I said that!
[02:34] Kafka
    They'll tell the whole neighborhood...
[02:42] Mina
    Thanks...
[02:46] Mina
    Yeah. If we're together,
    there's nothing to be afraid of.
[02:58] Mina
    The Kaiju was sighted inside a hospital.
[03:01] Mina
    Before it can harm anyone...
[03:06] Mina
    we need to defeat it.
SIGN    Episode 2 The Kaiju Who Defeats Kaiju
[03:09] Announcer
    A small Kaiju has appeared within Yokohama.
[03:13] Announcer
    I repeat. A small Kaiju
    has appeared within Yokohama.
[03:16] Man
    This alert sound is so annoying...
[03:19] Man
    Fix it, government.
[03:21] Mom
    Sho-chan, hurry!
[03:22] Announcer
    Citizens are asked to evacuate
    to shelters, or lock their doors...
[03:25] Wife
    Turn off the lights.
[03:28] Announcer
    Take necessary precaution
    to keep yourself safe.
[03:37] Reno
    Oh! We can show him
    it's a misunderstanding!
[03:39] Reno
    Senpai, give him a smile!
[03:40] Kafka
    A-A smile?
[03:42] Kafka
    Got it! A smile!
[03:45] Reno
    Yeah, that's definitely not gonna work.
[03:48] Reno
    I knew it!
[03:51] Kafka
    Hey, gramps, you okay?
[03:54] Kafka
    Huh?
[04:04] Kafka
    D-Did I do that?
[04:06] Kafka
    I'm, like, totally a Kaiju!
[04:09] Patients
    Wh-What was that? An explosion?
[04:10] Patients
    Is everything okay?
[04:11] Patients
    Huh? A Kaiju?
[04:14] Reno
    The Defense Force is probably on their way!
[04:16] Reno
    Let's scram!
[04:17] Kafka
    Yeah!
[04:18] Kafka
    I'll cause trouble
    for the hospital if I stay here!
[04:22] Kafka
    Let's escape out the window!
[04:29] Kafka
    Should've seen that coming!
[04:30] Kafka
    What's going on with my body?
[04:34] Nurse
    Call the doctors!
[04:35] Reno
    Let's get going, Senpai!
[04:39] Kafka
    H-Hey! Wait!
[04:51] Hoshina
    The Kaiju is fleeing from
    Yokohama South General Hospital.
[04:54] Hoshina
    It's heading for an evacuated area.
[04:59] Reno
    What's going on?
[05:00] Reno
    Senpai's a Kaiju?
[05:03] Reno
    Since when? How?
[05:05] Reno
    And wait... is he even really a Kaiju?
[05:08] Reno
    Um, let me just confirm real quick...
[05:11] Reno
    It's really you, right, Senpai?
[05:13] Kafka
    I'm not even sure anymore!
[05:20] Reno
    What is that? Some kind of special mode?
[05:21] Kafka
    That's what I want to know!
[05:31] Kafka
    Look, Ichikawa! I'm eating a bird alive!
[05:34] Reno
    Eww! That's really disgusting, Senpai!
[05:38] Kafka
    Oh! I'm back!
[05:40] Reno
    You even revert creepily!
[05:41] Kafka
    Ichikawa, trouble!
[05:43] Reno
    Now what?!
[05:46] Kafka
    I gotta pee!
[05:48] Reno
    Now?
[05:49] Reno
    Hold it in!
[05:50] Kafka
    No, I think my body's gonna piss on its own!
[05:52] Kafka
    I can't hold it in!
[05:55] Kafka
    This isn't good!
[05:57] Kafka
    I'm a grown man! I don't want to
    piss on a public street!
[06:00] Reno
    Where would you piss from, anyway?
[06:02] Reno
    I don't see the right parts...
[06:14] Reno
    Senpai!
[06:16] Kafka
    Now nobody will ever take me as a bride!
[06:18] Kafka
    I'll just die here!
[06:20] Reno
    No, you've got other stuff
    to worry about, right?
[06:23] Reno
    Now let's get going!
[06:26] Kafka
    But you know, Ichikawa...
[06:29] Kafka
    What happens to me now?
[06:31] Kafka
    Think I can join the Defense Force?
[06:32] Reno
    No way! No way! No way!
[06:34] Reno
    You're what they're defending people from!
[06:36] Reno
    They'll kill you on sight!
[06:38] Kafka
    Yeah, I figured!
[06:41] Kafka
    Huh?
[06:42] Kafka
    Which means...
[06:47] Kafka
    I'll never be able to
    join the Defense Force?
[06:54] Kafka
    Damn it...
[06:55] Kafka
    Just when I'd decided to try
    and catch up to her...
[06:58] Kafka
    How can I do that with this body?
[07:04] Reno
    Senpai!
SIGN    No Entry
[07:09] Reno
    That's a cordon.
[07:10] Reno
    Once we're inside, there'll be nobody around.
[07:14] Reno
    Senpai?
[07:15] Kafka
    Shh! Something's coming.
[07:17] Reno
    The Defense Force?
[07:18] Kafka
    No, it's coming from underground...
[07:22] Kafka
    What's this?
[07:31] Hoshina
    Another Kaiju?
[07:33] Mina
    Car 2, maintain course.
[07:35] Mina
    We'll head to the new location.
[07:40] Kafka
    It's the same type
    as the one that attacked us.
[07:43] Reno
    You can tell?
[07:45] Reno
    That means they'll have fewer men
    to send after you, though.
[07:49] Reno
    This is our chance to hide.
[07:50] Reno
    Luckily, they already started evacuating
    when the alert was sent out about you.
[07:54] Reno
    Let's just pray there'll be no casualties.
[08:11] Kid
    Mommy! Mommy!
[08:14] Mom
    Run... quickly!
[08:18] Kid
    Just wait! I'll get you out!
[08:33] Mom
    Run!
[08:34] Kid
    No! You're coming with me!
[08:44] Mom
    Run... please...
[08:47] Mom
    Please!
[08:49] Mom
    Please!
[08:51] Mom
    Please!
[08:53] Mom
    Please!
[08:54] Kid
    No!
[08:55] Kid
    Mommy!
[08:56] Mom
    Please! Please! Please!
[09:17] Kafka
    W...
[09:18] Kafka
    Wow. I'm really strong.
[09:23] Kafka
    You okay?
[09:25] Kafka
    Yeah, of course. Sorry. Sorry.
[09:27] Kafka
    Um...
[09:29] Kafka
    Smile!
[09:31] Kid
    No!
[09:33] Kafka
    G-Got it! I'll be gone
    in a moment! So don't cry!
[09:37] Reno
    Senpai!
[09:38] Kafka
    H-Hey...
[09:45] Kid
    Mommy! Mommy!
[09:47] Reno
    She's just unconscious. She'll be fine.
[09:50] Kid
    Really?
[09:51] Reno
    Yeah.
[09:58] Kafka
    Ichikawa, get them out of here.
[10:01] Reno
    What are you going to do?
[10:06] Kafka
    I'm gonna try...
[10:07] Kafka
    Punching it as hard as I can.
[10:11] Reno
    Let's get out of here!
[10:13] Kafka
    One, two...
[10:20] Kafka
    Three!
[10:53] Reno
    You, uh...
[10:56] Reno
    definitely can't do that to a person.
[11:06] Reno
    Senpai...
[11:08] Kafka
    It's safe now.
[11:10] Kafka
    Get your mom to a hospital...
[11:24] Kafka
    Listen. The Defense Force will be here soon.
[11:28] Kafka
    I'll be gone in a second, so don't worry.
[11:42] Kid
    M-Mr. Kaiju...
[11:47] Kid
    Thank you.
[11:51] Mina
    Thank you.
[11:54] Mina
    Yeah. If we're together,
    there's nothing to be afraid of!
[11:58] Kafka
    Yeah, as long as we're together!
[12:01] Mina
    Let's go!
[12:26] Kafka
    That's right...
[12:29] Kafka
    I have to go.
[12:31] Reno
    Senpai, I've called for an ambulance.
[12:34] Reno
    Let's get out of here
    before someone arrives.
[12:38] Reno
    Senpai?
[12:40] Kafka
    Ichikawa, I'm not giving up after all.
[12:47] Kafka
    I have to go and stand by her side!
[13:07] Mina
    What happened here?
[13:10] Hoshina
    What the hell?
[13:27] Mina
    Tell me about the Kaiju you saw.
[13:30] Kid
    The Kaiju?
[13:37] Mina
    Don't worry.
[13:39] Mina
    I'll wipe out all the Kaiju.
[13:43] Kid
    Really?
[13:51] Kid
    Um, do you promise not to
    hurt the good Kaiju?
[13:58] Kid
    The one who saved my mom.
[14:08] [SONG] Sign
    Drawing Based on Witness Testimony
[14:08] Newscaster
    Kaiju No. 8.
[14:11] Newscaster
    This is the eighth Kaiju that
    the Defense Force has given a codename.
SIGN    Kaiju No. 8
    (Witness Composite)
[14:16] Newscaster
    No. 8 remains at large, with
    the Defense Force actively searching for it.
[14:21] Mori
    They still haven't found this guy?
[14:23] Miike
    Right?
[14:23] Newscaster
    Citizens have been reporting concern
    at this latest announcement.
[14:25] Yoshimura
    He's probably dead already.
[14:27] Reno
    This has gotten way out of hand...
[14:30] Sign
    Male Eyewitness (103)
[14:32] Reno
    It's been three months.
[14:33] Reno
    Senpai became the first Kaiju in history
    to escape the Defense Force,
[14:36] Sign
    Male Eyewitness (103)
SIGN    The Secret World of Cryptids
[14:38] Reno
    and every Defense Force officer
    in the country is looking for him now.
[14:41] Mizoguchi
    Oh, right. Ichikawa.
[14:44] Mizoguchi
    You and Kafka got something in the mail.
[14:47] Mizoguchi
    He went to the job site early,
    so take this to him.
[14:50] Reno
    Okay...
[14:51] Toku-san
    It's that time already, huh?
[14:55] Yoshimura
    Kafka-san used to take the exam every year.
[14:59] Miike
    Every single year.
[15:00] Toku-san
    And every year, we'd have to cheer him up.
[15:02] Sign
    Application Result
[15:02] Sign
     We are pleased to inform you that you have passed the first round
    
    of the recently concluded Anti-Kaiju Defense Force selection tests.
[15:05] Yoshimura
    Oh, you did it!
[15:06] Miike
    Nice!
[15:08] Reno
    Thanks.
[15:09] Toku-san
    Want me to take Kafka his?
[15:12] Reno
    No, it's fine.
[15:14] Reno
    I'll take it.
[15:31] Miike
    Looks like he passed, huh?
[15:33] Yoshimura
    But this'll be the last chance ever, right?
[15:35] Toku-san
    I want him to have his
    one last shot, you know?
[15:39] Toku-san
    He's worked so hard for so long...
[15:52] Reno
    Senpai!
[15:54] Reno
    You passed the first round of exams!
[15:58] Kafka
    Seriously?
[16:00] Reno
    Why are you exposing yourself?!
[16:02] Kafka
    Wow, it's a little early
    to play rough, right?
[16:05] Reno
    Your face! Your face!
[16:06] Reno
    Do you know what you look like?
[16:08] Kafka
    Crap!
[16:09] Kafka
    I still slip up once in a while...
[16:13] Kafka
    All back to normal!
[16:14] Reno
    You're not back to normal!
[16:16] Reno
    You were on the news
    when I was at the office!
[16:18] Reno
    You have to be more careful!
[16:20] Kafka
    Fine! Fine!
[16:21] Kafka
    I'm sorry!
[16:25] Reno
    Senpai and I...
[16:28] Men
    You're the patients from the room!
[16:30] Nurse
    You okay?
[16:31] Reno
    Yeah, we just barely survived...
[16:33] Reno
    We told everyone we ran away
    when the Kaiju showed up.
[16:37] Reno
    I think we fooled everybody, but...
[16:44] Reno
    Here. This is yours.
[16:46] Sign
    Application Result
[16:46] Sign
     We are pleased to inform you that you have passed the first round
    
    of the recently concluded Anti-Kaiju Defense Force selection tests.
[16:50] Kafka
    Good. Good stuff.
[16:53] Reno
    I thought you'd be happier.
[16:55] Kafka
    It's always the second round where I fail!
[16:58] Reno
    Why do you seem proud of that?
[17:00] Reno
    So, what will you do?
[17:03] Reno
    Are you really going to take
    the second round of exams, with that body?
[17:06] Kafka
    It'll be fine!
[17:07] Kafka
    Nobody'll know!
[17:09] Reno
    You're not gonna fool anyone!
[17:11] Sign
    For Disposal
[17:11] Reno
    The first round is just
    a written test and some paperwork,
[17:12] Sign
    For Delivery
[17:14] Reno
    but there'll be officers
    everywhere at the second.
[17:16] Reno
    They'll kill you on sight.
[17:18] Kafka
    Even so, I'm taking it.
[17:21] [SONG] Sign
    Totsuka Construction
[17:23] Kafka
    I've spent the past three
    months trying as hard as I can,
[17:26] Kafka
    and I can't find a way to turn back.
[17:29] Kafka
    I'm 32 years old. This is my last chance.
[17:31] [SONG] Sign
    Japan Defense Force
[17:31] [SONG] Sign
    Now Recruiting
[17:38] Reno
    All right.
[17:40] Reno
    But even if something happens to you,
    I'm not going to drop out.
[17:45] Reno
    If we're gonna do this,
    we're doing it as rivals.
[17:54] Kafka
    I can't get the cap off...
[17:57] Reno
    I take it back!
[17:59] Reno
    Skip the exam!
[18:00] Kafka
    I'll be fine! I'll be fine!
[18:02] Kafka
    I'll be good when it's time for the exam!
[18:03] Reno
    Transform back!
[18:05] Kafka
    Don't abandon me.
[18:06] Reno
    Seriously, no matter what
    happens, I'm not helping you!
[18:10] Reno
    Everybody will be here soon,
    so get it together!
[18:19] Kafka
    Whew...
[18:21] Kafka
    If he'd passed and I hadn't,
[18:23] Kafka
    I wouldn't be able to call
    myself his senpai anymore...
[18:31] Kafka
    Okay. Time for my revenge match.
SIGN    10 Days Later
SIGN    Defense Force Selection Test
    2nd Round West Tokyo Venue
[19:00] Sign
    Monster Sweeper, Inc.
[19:08] Reno
    Wow...
[19:10] Reno
    So this is the Defense Force's
     Tachikawa Base...
[19:14] Reno
    I went to Kumagaya Base on
    a field trip once, but this one's way bigger.
[19:18] Kafka
    They share this area
    with a Self-Defense Forces garrison.
[19:22] Kafka
    When something happens,
    both sides work together
[19:25] Kafka
    to dispatch troops all over western Tokyo.
[19:27] Reno
    If you transformed here,
    you'd be dead within seconds.
[19:48] Kafka
    No point in getting scared.
[19:50] Kafka
    Let's go!
[19:52] Kikoru
    Hey, old man.
[19:52] Kafka
    We're a little early,
    but let's get checked in.
[19:56] Kikoru
    I said, old man.
[19:57] Reno
    Senpai?
[20:01] Sign
    Yes. You.
[20:03] Kikoru
    Pay attention, old man.
SIGN    Old Man?
[20:10] Kafka
    Me?
[20:11] Reno
    Is she taking the exam too?
[20:18] Kafka
    I'm not an old man! I'm still just 32!
[20:22] Kikoru
    That makes you old.
[20:23] Kafka
    It does?
[20:25] Reno
    Well, it does.
[20:28] [SONG] Sign
    Monster Sweeper, Inc.
[20:28] Kikoru
    That rust bucket is yours, right?
[20:30] Kikoru
    It's in the way.
[20:32] Kikoru
    I can't park my car, so move it.
[20:36] Kafka
    There's tons of open spots!
[20:39] Kikoru
    I want to park it there.
[20:41] Kikoru
    My lucky number today is five.
[20:44] Kafka
    Your lucky number?
[20:49] Kafka
    What's the deal with this little brat?
[20:53] Kafka
    Come with me.
[20:54] Kafka
    This young man is going to
    teach you a lesson in manners.
[20:58] Kikoru
    Whatever.
[20:59] Kikoru
    I'll move it myself.
[21:05] Kafka
    What are you going to do?
[21:14] Kafka
    That suit...
[21:24] [SONG] Sign
    Monster Sweeper Inc.
[21:39] Kafka
    No! The company car!
[21:42] Reno
    Wh-Who are you?
[21:45] Kikoru
    Examinee number 2016.
[21:49] Kikoru
    Kikoru Shinomiya.
[21:50] Kikoru
    My hobby is murdering Kaiju.
[21:53] Kikoru
    Remember that.
[21:55] Reno
    Shinomiya? That last name...
[21:58] Kikoru
    Anyway, old man...
[22:04] Kikoru
    Did you know you smell like a Kaiju?