E1 - The 8th Son? Are You Kidding Me?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] A
    
[01:05] Roderich
    All right, everyone! Get to work!
[01:08] G
    Yeah!
[01:15] Erwin
    Your magic is so useful, Well.
[01:18] Erwin
    You flattened everything in an instant.
[01:22] G
    Man, I can't believe the count's magic
    is actually being used for development.
[01:31] Well
    I'll be heading back now, Roderich.
[01:34] R
    One moment, milord.
[01:37] R
    Can you take care of that area next?
[02:02] Well
    I'm back.
[02:04] Iina/Louise/Wilma
    Welcome home!
[02:07] Elise
    Welcome home.
[02:09] W
    Thanks, Elise.
[02:17] W
    Hup.
[02:20] E
    Here you go.
[02:22] W
    Thank you.
[02:25] E
    You seem tired.
[02:28] W
    Yeah. He ran me into the ground again today.
[02:33] Iina
    Your relationship with him is really topsy-turvy.
[02:36] Louise
    It's like Roderich's your boss.
[02:40] Wilma
    Like you're his slave, Lord Well.
[02:43] W
    To be fair, no matter how far I go,
[02:46] W
    I'm a white-collar office worker at heart.
[02:50] E
    "White-collar"?
[02:55] W
    Anyway, I'm gonna go get changed.
[03:12] W
    It's not so easy to change, huh?
[03:16] W
    Even though it was ten years ago...
[03:19] W
    that I was an office worker.
[03:25] Shingo
    I'm home.
[03:42] Shingo
    No! Gotta wake up!
[03:50] Zoji
    Quick Cooking Mode activated.
[03:50] Sign
    White Rice Brown Rice
[03:50] Sign
    Quick Cooking
[03:50] Sign
    24 Minutes Left
[03:52] Zoji
    Rice will be ready in 24 minutes.
[04:21] Shin
    A midnight one-soup, three-dish dinner:
    miso-fried pork ribs version.
[04:27] Shin
    Now just add the radish sprouts...
[04:29] ---
    White Rice Brown Rice
[04:29] ---
    Quick Cooking
[04:29] ---
    2 Minutes Left
[04:57] W
    Huh? Where are the pork ribs?
[05:29] W
    Wait, am I overseas?
[05:32] Artur
    Now that I've finally seen my successor wed,
[05:37] Artur
    I can retire without worry.
[05:37] W
    But they're speaking Japanese.
[05:40] Kurt
    Father, please stop joking.
[05:48] W
    Boy, this is one realistic dream.
[05:53] W
    Okay.
[05:55] W
    time to go back to my pork ribs.
[06:02] A
    What do you think you're doing?
[06:05] A
    Wake up!
[06:09] A
    Come, you must greet everyone.
[06:14] W
    But my pork ribs...
[06:16] A
    Sorry to have kept you waiting.
[06:18] A
    This is my youngest son.
[06:22] W
    Is this real life?
[06:24] A
    What are you saying?
[06:27] A
    Now, introduce yourself. You can do that, yes?
[06:30] W
    Intro... Introduce myself?!
[06:36] W
    U-Uh...
[06:42] W
    Er...
[06:44] A
    What's wrong?
[06:48] Erich
    It's good to finally see you all again.
[06:51] G
    Oh, Erich?
[06:53] G
    How you've grown.
[06:55] E
    We're very grateful that you took
    the time to come all the way
[06:59] E
    for my eldest brother Kurt's wedding.
[07:03] E
    Allow my younger brother,
    Wendelin von Benno Baumeister,
[07:07] E
    and I to express our most profound thanks.
[07:11] W
    Was that my name?
[07:13] Amalie
    Wendelin?
[07:15] Amalie
    Can I call you Well, then?
[07:19] W
    Well? Y-Yes, of course.
[07:24] E
    Here.
[07:26] W
    Thanks.
[07:27] E
    Did your mind go blank when you
     found yourself surrounded by adults?
[07:31] W
    Uh, what's happening today?
[07:35] E
    Ah, I suppose it's a little
    complicated for a five-year-old.
[07:38] E
    Today is Brother Kurt's wedding.
[07:42] E
    The bride is Amalie, the second
    daughter of Sir Mainbach.
[07:47] E
    Father was having trouble
     finding a partner for him.
[07:51] E
    He must be relieved that a noble's
    daughter has married into the family.
[07:55] W
    A noble?
[08:02] W
    Hey, if a noble's daughter
    is marrying into our family,
[08:06] W
    are we by any chance nobles, too?
[08:10] E
    "By any chance"? I suppose
    I can see why you'd be doubtful.
[08:14] E
    But we Baumeisters are genuine nobility, too.
[08:22] W
    Nobility...
[08:26] G
    One more time!
[08:28] W
    Who could ever see this coming?
SIGN    From Duke Bleichröder
[08:40] W
    But I can understand the language, at least.
[08:44] W
    If we can throw such a lavish ceremony,
[08:47] W
    we must rank pretty high up.
[08:52] W
    And if I'm the third son of this family,
[08:55] W
    I don't have to worry about starving!
[09:07] W
    Noble food is so yummy!
[09:41] W
    This is so dry...
[09:49] W
    And this soup is basically just water.
[10:07] A
    What's wrong, Wendelin?
[10:09] W
    Nothing.
[10:12] A
    You can't have more soup, okay?
[10:15] W
    Um, where's Brother Erich?
[10:18] Johanna
    He left earlier, saying he was going fishing.
[10:22] E
    "We must rank pretty high up"?
[10:25] E
    Was that some kind of joke?
[10:27] W
    But we threw such a glittering
    party last night.
[10:31] E
    Well, yeah.
[10:32] E
    We can't be cheapskates with invited guests,
     even as poor as we are.
[10:38] W
    Poor?
[10:39] E
    You could say it was a show of noble pride.
[10:54] W
    Th-Then what about the noble fo—I mean, dinner?
[10:59] E
    A special menu for the wedding, of course.
[11:03] E
    But we're back to brown bread
    and light soup starting today.
[11:06] W
    No way...
[11:09] W
    But even if we're poor, we're still nobility.
[11:11] W
    There's Brother Kurt, Brother Erich...
[11:14] W
    And I'm the third son,
    so I should get some benefits, at least.
[11:18] E
    Oh, how did the hunt go, Brother Helmut?
[11:21] Helmut
    No good.
[11:23] Helmut
    I couldn't catch a thing.
[11:26] W
    Brother Helmut?
[11:28] W
    Then I'm the...
[11:30] Paul
    Horohoro really are hard to shoot down.
[11:33] E
    Even for you, Brother Paul?
[11:35] W
    Brother Paul?
[11:37] Hermann
    The horohoro served at the wedding was so good.
[11:41] Paul
    Yeah, I saw you eating
    one whole, Brother Hermann.
[11:45] W
    Brother Hermann?!
[11:49] E
    Speaking of the wedding,
    Walter and Karl didn't show up.
[11:52] Herm
    It's understandable.
    Even if they are our brothers...
[11:56] W
    Brothers?
[11:57] E
    Did you forget them?
[11:59] E
    They're your half-brothers.
[12:02] W
    Brother Walter and Brother Karl?
[12:06] W
    Which means... We're poor nobles, and I'm...
[12:08] W
    The 8th son? Are you kidding me?!
SIGN    "The 8th Son? Are You Kidding Me?"
SIGN    Episode 1
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The 8th Son?
     Are You Kidding Me?
SIGN    The Kingdom of Helmut
[13:44] W
    So this is the kingdom I live in.
SIGN    Capital
     Stadtburg
[13:48] W
    Uh, this is the capital, Stadtburg,
[13:51] W
    and its population is one million,
    the highest in the kingdom.
[13:55] W
    South of it is the Dukedom of Bleichröder,
SIGN    Dukedom of
     Bleichröder
SIGN    Breichburg
SIGN    Minor Lords
     Mixed Domain
[14:01] W
    where the biggest mercantile center
    in the south, Breichburg, is.
[14:06] W
    Its population is two hundred thousand.
[14:09] W
    And when you go even farther south
SIGN    Great Rieg Mountains
[14:13] W
    and cross this huge mountain range,
[14:17] W
    you find the back country I am
    in now, the Baumeister Knightdom.
[14:28] W
    Population... eight hundred.
[14:34] W
    I'm the eighth son of a poor noble
     family that lives out in the sticks.
[14:41] W
    My life...
[14:45] W
    is so screwed!
[14:47] E
    We'll be going, then.
[14:52] J
    Please take care of yourself.
[14:56] E
    I will. You take care too, Mother.
[14:59] W
    Hey, where are you all going?
[15:02] E
    Huh? Didn't we tell you?
[15:04] E
    We agreed to leave once
    Brother Kurt got married.
[15:10] Hel
    You can stay since you're just a kid,
[15:13] Hel
    but we've long since reached adulthood.
[15:16] W
    But you could inherit the lands here!
[15:19] P
    You think poor nobles like us could
    afford to divide up our land?
[15:23] P
    It's all going to Brother Kurt.
[15:26] Hel
    We're giving up our succession rights for
    a monetary settlement and leaving home.
[15:31] Hel
    That very moment, we cease to be nobles.
[15:34] W
    Cease to be nobles?
[15:37] W
    Then how are we supposed to live?
[15:40] Hel
    Well, Brother Hermann is the second son,
[15:43] Hel
    so he married into the branch family,
     in case anything happened to Brother Kurt.
[15:48] Hel
    But we'll have to find our own
    path in life at the capital.
[15:52] P
    We can learn to read and write, and take
    exams to be soldiers or lower management,
[15:57] P
    or look to be adventurers.
[15:59] P
    It all comes down to our skills.
[16:05] E
    If you keep goofing off,
    you'll regret it later, okay?
[16:15] J
    Goodbye.
[16:16] Bro
    Bye!
[16:18] J
    Take care!
SIGN    Poems of Love
    Volume Eight
[16:36] W
    Volume Eight of Count
    Salmon's Poems of Love?*
[16:39] W
    Don't we have any useful books?
SIGN    Magical Aptitude Crystal Ball Instruction Manual
[16:52] W
    "This crystal ball can measure
    your aptitude for magic."
[16:58] W
    Magic? You can't be serious.
[17:06] W
    "Everyone possesses mana,
[17:09] W
    but it's said that only one in thousands
    has enough mana to cast magic spells.
[17:15] W
    Such people are extremely rare."
[17:18] W
    I knew it. I can see the "you can't
    use magic" punchline already.
[17:30] W
    "Magical aptitude isn't hereditary.
[17:34] W
    Everyone has an equal chance of possessing
    the talent to be a great magician.
[17:41] W
    Please see for yourself if you do."
[17:44] W
    Who would believe this nonsense?
[17:52] W
    "If you have a talent for magic,
[17:55] W
    you'll be able to shine in many fields."
[18:04] W
    Hey, worth a try.
[18:24] W
    Not like I'd fall for this crap, anyway.
[18:27] W
    Off we...
[18:41] W
    "If the crystal ball shines like a rainbow,
    you have a high aptitude for magic,
[18:46] W
    in which case we recommend learning
    magic through specialized guides.
SIGN    Fin
[18:54] W
    Fin."
[18:57] W
    Huh?
[18:58] W
    That's it?!
[19:00] W
    I need a guidebook!
[19:01] W
    Magic, magic!
[19:03] W
    Magic, magic, magic...
SIGN    Baron Montbell's
     Debauchery
     Chronicles
[19:06] W
    "Baron Montbell's Debauchery Chronicles."
SIGN    Count Larwen's Relaxed Tourism Guide
[19:09] W
    "Count Larwen's Relaxed Tourism Guide."
[19:13] W
    Volume twenty-three of
    Count Salmon's Poems of Love.
SIGN    Poems of Love
    Volume Twenty Three
[19:18] W
    There's nothing.
[19:21] A
    Oh, there you are, Wendelin.
[19:23] W
    Father, do we have any other books?
[19:27] A
    Nope. I can't read.
[19:31] A
    Anyway, could you go to the
    forest and pick up firewood?
[19:44] W
    Come forth, fire!
[19:45] W
    Roar, lightning!
[19:48] W
    Healing Clinic!
[19:52] W
    I have no idea how to activate magic.
[19:57] Alfred
    That was you earlier, wasn't it?
[20:01] Alfred
    I've finally found a person
    on the same wavelength as myself.
[20:08] Alfred
    Say, what is your name? Tell me.
[20:14] Alfred
    I'm sorry. I scared you, didn't I?
[20:20] Alfred
    There's no need to be afraid of me.
[20:25] Alfred
    I am a magician.
[20:28] W
    A magician...
[20:51] W
    It spotted us!
[21:13] A
    You must picture it...
[21:17] A
    Your own wind magic.
[21:18] W
    Magic?! Hey, don't just spring that on me!
[21:22] A
    First, accept the mana within you.
[21:28] A
    And then, make it circulate
    through your body.
[21:31] W
    What are you talking about?!
[21:44] W
    D-Did I just...
[21:46] A
    Congratulations. You just
    used your first magic spell.
[22:04] A
    I am a former court magician
    of the Dukedom of Bleichröder,
[22:09] A
    Alfred Rainford.
[22:11] A
    Rest assured...
[22:13] A
    You will become a magician
    far greater than I.