E3 - Guardians of the Crimson Demon Village

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:13] Yunyun
    Aw, I knew it!
[00:15] Yunyun
    I guess I lose again today.
[00:23] Yunyun
    Ow!
[00:24] Yunyun
    What was that for?!
[00:25] Yunyun
    You're the one who wanted to compete to see
[00:28] Yunyun
    who was the more compact,
    environmentally-friendly girl, Megumin!
[00:31] Megumin
    Perhaps you should ask your own
    blighted heart that question!
[00:34] Teacher
    M-Megumin, stress isn't great
    for growth, you know.
[00:39] Teacher
    Oh! You're here, too, Megumin.
[00:43] Teacher
    One second. I've got something
    nice for you to eat.
[00:46] Arue
    Megumin is as cute as ever today.
[00:50] Nerimaki
    And Megumin is so fluffy, too.
[00:53] Teacher
    Okay, here you go.
[01:02] Yunyun
    Aw, you're such a cutie, Megumin!
[01:05] Megumin
    Come on!
SIGN    KONOSUBA - An Explosion on This Wonderful World!
SIGN    Episode 3: Guardians of the Crimson Demon Village
[02:39] Megumin
    Would someone please give
    this thing a name already?!
[02:43] Yunyun
    I-I get what you mean,
[02:45] Yunyun
    but we've kind of already got it
    in our heads that this is Megumin.
[02:48] Yunyun
    See? She's even warmed up to me
    enough that I can pick her up.
[02:53] Yunyun
    Maybe it'd be better if you were
    the one to change your name inste—
[02:57] Yunyun
    Ow, ow, ow, ow!
[02:59] Megumin
    You traitor! You don't care if your
    rival's name changes, is that it?!
[03:03] Yunyun
    Then how about Ink?
    Little Ink.... H-How's that sound?
[03:08] Yunyun
    Because, y'know... she's a black cat.
[03:15] Yunyun
    No?
[03:16] Funifura
    Might be a good idea. Weird
    names are easier to remember.
[03:20] Dodonko
    Yeah, as weird as it is.
[03:21] Yunyun
    I-It's weird?
[03:23] Megumin
    Well, I suppose this freakish "Ink"
    will serve as a label for now.
[03:28] Megumin
    And should you ever actually
    become my familiar,
[03:31] Megumin
    I'll provide you with a
    nicer, more sensible name.
[03:35] Pucchin
    Attention!
[03:37] Pucchin
    We've got word that the monsters in
    the area are getting ornery again.
[03:41] Pucchin
    All the adults are going to
    be investigating that today,
[03:43] Pucchin
    so afternoon class will be free
    study in the library! That is all!
[04:01] Funifura
    Study sessions don't earn you any skill points,
    so they feel like such a waste of time.
[04:05] Dodonko
    I can't wait to learn magic.
[04:07] Dodonko
    Like the adults used the other day.
[04:12] Nerimaki
    Knowing you, Arue, I bet you have
    enough skill points saved up
[04:15] Nerimaki
    to use advanced magic already.
[04:17] Arue
    Not quite yet, no.
[04:19] Arue
    But maybe Megumin...
[04:24] Megumin
    "Users of explosion magic are
    often called 'landmine mages,'
[04:29] Megumin
    and are frequently excluded
    from adventuring parties."
[04:35] Megumin
    I've come here so many times, and at some
    point learned everything there is within.
[04:46] Megumin
    The Unfettered Lord?
[04:53] Megumin
    Yunyun.
[04:55] Megumin
    Could you hand that book over to me?
[04:58] Yunyun
    Well, I don't mind, but I didn't
    know you read stuff like this.
[05:04] Megumin
    Fish Are Friends?
[05:06] Megumin
    This is clearly not what I meant!
[05:09] Megumin
    I was talking about The Unfettered Lord!
[05:11] Yunyun
    What? You like this series, too?
[05:13] Yunyun
    It's such a treat!
    I've read it so many times!
[05:17] Yunyun
    Volume two's climax is so—
[05:18] Megumin
    Cease with the spoilers, please!
[05:20] Megumin
    And why are you even
    looking at the other one?
[05:23] Megumin
    Was there nothing that
    applied to mammals, at least?
[05:25] Yunyun
    But look here!
[05:27] Yunyun
    It says that cacti have hearts, too!
[05:30] Yunyun
    That means you can be friends with plants...
[05:33] Yunyun
    Cut it out! What did I do
    to earn that pitying gaze?!
[05:37] Megumin
    Honestly... If you're that
    desperate for friends,
[05:41] Megumin
    just take back that claim
    of being my rival, and...
[05:44] Funifura
    Hey, Yunyun, are you reading
    those weird books again?
[05:48] Funifura
    If you want friends that bad, how about us?
[05:52] Yunyun
    What did you just say?!
[05:53] Yunyun
    Just now! Say that again?!
[05:55] Funifura
    Okay, that's close! Too close!
[05:57] Funifura
    I-I'm just suggesting we could be friends...
[06:01] Megumin
    If it isn't Funikura and Dodonko.
[06:03] Megumin
    A friend isn't something
    you can just decide to be.
[06:07] Megumin
    Friendship happens naturally.
[06:08] Funifura
    My name is Funifura! Would it kill
    you to learn your classmates' names?
[06:12] Yunyun
    I-It's an honor to be joining you!
    Please, treat me kindly!
[06:16] Funifura
    Uh, do you... understand
    how friendship works?
[06:19] Funifura
    You do, don't you?
[06:23] Funifura
    Anyway, I'm pretty sure this guy is into me.
[06:27] Funifura
    But the thing is, there's this guy
    from my past life that I promised
[06:32] Funifura
    to be with if we were reborn, right?
[06:33] Funifura
    So wouldn't that be, like, cheating?
[06:36] Dodonko
    Oh, it's fine!
[06:37] Dodonko
    I came up with a scenario
    where my prince charming
[06:40] Dodonko
    is imprisoned at the bottom
    of the deepest dungeon...
[06:42] Dodonko
    Er, I mean, I'm pretty sure he is there,
[06:44] Dodonko
    so I want to learn magic fast
    so I can go and save him.
[06:48] Megumin
    There is something incredibly
    cringeworthy about this conversation.
[06:52] Yunyun
    I-I had no idea.
[06:54] Yunyun
    You two are amazing!
[06:56] Megumin
    Eh, I'll leave it be.
[07:16] Megumin
    You little—
[07:19] Funifura
    How about you, Yunyun?
[07:20] Funifura
    Do you have a type—
[07:22] Funifura
    I mean, what was your lover
    like in your past life?
[07:25] Yunyun
    Me?
[07:26] Yunyun
    I-I think I'd like someone
    quiet and mild-mannered,
[07:29] Yunyun
    who's nice enough to hear
    me out and really listen.
[07:34] Funifura
    Well, that's bland.
[07:35] Dodonko
    It really is.
[07:37] Funifura
    Huh? Where'd the hair tie go?
[07:44] Megumin
    Need ammo...
[07:49] Megumin
    Gonna borrow this!
[08:01] Megumin
    Victory is mine!
[08:03] Yunyun
    Megumin!
SIGN    KONOSUBA - An Explosion on This Wonderful World!
[08:08] Yunyun
    Were you seriously snapping hair
    ties for fun?! Are you a child?!
[08:11] Megumin
    You've got it all wrong! There was a spider!
[08:13] Megumin
    He captured my attention with
    his taunting, and, well...
[08:16] Yunyun
    "Well" what?!
[08:18] Yunyun
    I've never had a friend do my hair before!
[08:21] Funifura
    L-Look, Megumin does seem sorry,
    and we can always do your hair again...
[08:26] Yunyun
    I'm so sorry, Funifura!
[08:28] Yunyun
    You did such a wonderful job... I was
    ready to never change my hair again...
[08:32] Funifura
    Th-There's no need for that, seriously!
[08:35] Funifura
    It's too much! A little too much attachment!
[08:39] Bukkorori
    You girls seem to be enjoying
    your adolescence.
[08:44] Yunyun
    Bukkorori?
[08:46] Funifura
    What's the village NEET doing here?
[08:48] Megumin
    You managed to learn Teleport, then?
[08:50] Bukkorori
    Indeed!
[08:51] Bukkorori
    All thanks to you girls leaving me to
    struggle with that extreme situation.
[08:56] Bukkorori
    On that day, something within me awakened...
[08:59] Nerimaki
    But wait, in terms of
    Teleport destinations...
[09:03] Arue
    Right. You can only register three
    readily-available locations.
[09:07] Funifura
    So why the library?
[09:09] Bukkorori
    Nostalgia, mostly.
[09:11] Bukkorori
    I used to subtly check out the books
    that I knew Soketto had checked out.
[09:17] Bukkorori
    She's quite an enthusiastic learner, you see.
[09:20] Bukkorori
    So in addition to fortune-telling books,
[09:22] Bukkorori
    she'd read self-improvement,
    and romance novels...
[09:24] Bukkorori
    And a few titles I'd be embarrassed
    to mention out loud.
[09:27] Bukkorori
    But one day, she suddenly
    stopped visiting the library.
[09:32] Bukkorori
    It seems she was heading into the woods to
    train every day, so I started doing the same.
[09:37] Bukkorori
    Oh, but of course, my other Teleport
    location is in front of her house!
[09:41] Bukkorori
    I can't exactly go inside, after all!
[09:43] Nerimaki
    Wait... So he's a stalker?
[09:46] Dodonko
    We've gotta tell someone! Report him!
[09:47] Yunyun
    B-But the adults are all busy
    with the investigation...
[09:51] Bukkorori
    Investigation? What investigation?
    No one told me anything.
[09:55] Bukkorori
    Anyway, I'm here today to
    ask you girls for advice—
[09:59] Arue
    Forget about it, and rest. Eternally.
[10:01] Nerimaki
    Let's bury him!
[10:03] Bukkorori
    Now, hang on—
[10:05] Bukkorori
    Whoa, that's—
[10:07] Bukkorori
    That's a lot! That's a lot of books!
    Too many!
[10:10] Bukkorori
    I didn't want to get lost
    in the stacks like this!
[10:12] Bukkorori
    Just wait a sec! Hear me out!
[10:22] Megumin
    I've known Bukkorori since I was little,
[10:25] Megumin
    and he has always been
    worthless to the core.
[10:27] Yunyun
    Doesn't that make him kind
    of like a brother to you?
[10:32] Yunyun
    Aren't you a little attached?
[10:34] Megumin
    Not at all, no.
[10:37] Bukkorori
    My soul sisters...
[10:51] Bukkorori
    Soketto is as beautiful as ever today.
[10:54] Bukkorori
    I wish I was trash so that
    I could be swept up at her feet.
[10:57] Megumin
    As a NEET, aren't you
    basically trash already?
[11:00] Yunyun
    M-Megumin!
[11:01] Megumin
    And to be hung up on the Crimson
    Demon's foremost beauty,
[11:04] Megumin
    when you're nothing but a
    completely unremarkable NEET.
[11:08] Megumin
    We should go. There's no hope here.
[11:11] Bukkorori
    I'm begging you two!
[11:13] Bukkorori
    Go and ask Soketto what her type is for me!
[11:16] Megumin
    She's a fortune-teller! Just have
    her read your romantic fortune!
[11:21] Bukkorori
    Is that some kind of NEETist joke?!
[11:23] Bukkorori
    If I could afford it, I'd get my
    fortune read every damn day!
[11:26] Bukkorori
    Look, I'll treat you! Next time I get
    some cash, I'll treat you to a meal!
[11:30] Yunyun
    Um, that really isn't the issue...
[11:33] Megumin
    And you'll treat Komekko, too?
[11:34] Bukkori
    But of course, my sister!
[11:36] Yunyun
    Megumin?!
[11:37] Megumin
    I think the trick is just creating
    the initial opportunity.
[11:57] Megumin
    Listen well.
[11:58] Megumin
    First, Yunyun, you'll threaten Soketto
[12:00] Megumin
    with that almost entirely
    ornamental dagger of yours.
[12:04] Megumin
    That's when Bukkorori,
    who is coincidentally walking by...
[12:06] Bukkorori
    ...saves her in the nick of time!
[12:10] Yunyun
    No way! This is stupid! Are you stupid?!
[12:13] Megumin
    Then the dagger is completely ornamental?
[12:15] Megumin
    If you're not going to use it, it'll just rust.
[12:17] Yunyun
    I-I just don't see the need!
[12:20] Yunyun
    Beating monsters in this area
    offers a pretty high bounty,
[12:23] Yunyun
    so he could use that money to
    have her read his fortune...
[12:26] Megumin/Bukkorori
    Rejected.
[12:27] Megumin
    As Crimson Demons, we must strive
    for the cooler alternative.
[12:30] Bukkorori
    Bingo.
[12:34] Bukkorori
    Here.
[12:38] Bukkorori
    Light of Reflection!
[12:43] Bukkorori
    Okay, I'm counting on you!
[12:45] Yunyun
    Why go invisible?!
[12:46] Megumin
    Obviously so he can save her with
    the coolest timing possible.
[13:01] Megumin
    I-Is that NEET...
[13:26] Soketto
    What is your problem?!
    Day after day, you do this!
[13:29] Bukkorori
    I-I promise, it wasn't anything untoward!
[13:32] Bukkorori
    It was genuine intellectual
    curiosity, as a mage,
[13:35] Bukkorori
    to know which colors are popular
    among Crimson Demon women!
[13:38] Megumin
    Bukkorori has something he
    wants to tell you, Soketto.
[13:42] Bukkorori
    Wha—
[13:42] Soketto
    Really? What a coincidence.
    I wanted to tell you something, too.
[13:49] Bukkorori
    M-Me, too... Soketto, I've always—
[13:52] Soketto
    I had no idea you hated me so much!
[13:54] Soketto
    You should've said something sooner!
[13:57] Soketto
    I don't know what it is
    that bothers you so much,
[14:00] Soketto
    but it's cowardly how you
    follow me around everywhere!
[14:02] Soketto
    And to go so far as to try to ambush me?!
[14:05] Bukkorori
    N-No! This... It's not what you...
[14:19] Bukkorori
    One-Punch Bears don't usually travel in packs!
[14:22] Yunyun
    Th-They said that the monsters
    have become more active
[14:25] Yunyun
    since the seal on the Dark God is weakening!
[14:28] Megumin
    Now, Yunyun, the time has come for that
    stylish dagger of yours to go to work.
[14:32] Yunyun
    Megumin?!
[14:33] Soketto
    It's all right.
[14:35] Soketto
    You two stay behind me.
[14:38] Bukkorori
    I've got this.
[14:44] Bukkorori
    I want to protect your smile.
[14:48] Bukkorori
    Diabolic flames, run wild!
[14:51] Bukkorori
    Inferno!
[15:02] Yunyun
    Soketto?!
[15:05] Megumin
    How stupid can you be?!
[15:07] Bukkorori
    I mean, I only know advanced magic,
    so it's hard to hold back!
[15:16] Soketto
    Every single day with you...
[15:20] Soketto
    But this time, it ends.
[15:28] Soketto
    Honestly...
[15:30] Soketto
    If you were desperate enough to enter the
    woods to earn cash for a fortune-reading,
[15:34] Soketto
    you could have just told me, and I would've
    given you your first session for free.
[15:37] Bukkorori
    Really?!
[15:45] Soketto
    Well, I was almost burnt
    to death in the process,
[15:48] Soketto
    but you did technically save
    me from a pack of monsters.
[15:52] Soketto
    So, what did you want to know about?
[15:55] Bukkorori
    W-Well, I was thinking...
    my future girlfriend...
[15:59] Bukkorori
    No, wife!
[16:01] Bukkorori
    Or maybe, the person who'll
    fall in love with me?
[16:04] Bukkorori
    Oh, I don't know which to choose!
[16:07] Soketto
    Your future lover, in other words.
[16:10] Soketto
    The woman you're likely to end up with
    should appear in the crystal ball soon.
[16:19] Soketto
    It shouldn't be long now...
[16:27] Bukkorori
    I don't see anything...
[16:30] Soketto
    H-Huh?
[16:32] Soketto
    That's odd. Everyone usually has
    at least one person who appears...
[16:41] Bukkorori
    Wh-What is this? It hurts way worse
    than if she had just rejected me!
[16:47] Megumin
    I know he's a NEET, but even I feel bad now.
[16:50] Yunyun
    What should we do?
    I wasn't expecting it to be this bad.
[16:53] Bukkorori
    I can hear you both, y'know!
[16:54] Bukkorori
    Could you rake my soul over hot coals
    somewhere I don't have to hear it?!
[16:59] Soketto
    I-It's all right!
    My fortunes aren't always correct.
[17:04] Soketto
    I tried to predict the weather
    once, when I was little,
[17:06] Soketto
    and even though I got "mostly cloudy," five
    minutes later, there was a slight drizzle...
[17:10] Bukkorori
    The world sucks!
[17:19] Soketto
    As much of a failure as he is,
    he seems kind of interesting.
[17:23] Soketto
    It's strange.
[17:25] Yunyun
    Um...
[17:27] Soketto
    What is it?
[17:28] Yunyun
    U-Um, have you ever read your
    own fortune, Soketto?
[17:33] Yunyun
    About your destined mate, for example...
[17:35] Soketto
    Fortune-tellers can't
    predict their own future.
[17:40] Soketto
    When it comes to my own fate,
    the crystal ball won't show anything.
[17:45] Soketto
    Why do you ask?
[17:47] Yunyun
    N-No reason.
[17:48] Yunyun
    I'm just struck by how, sometimes,
    you really have to put things into words.
[17:57] Unmarked ADLibs
    Am I the only one who gets
    really hungry right about now?
[17:59] Unmarked ADLibs
    Tell me about it!
[18:02] Unmarked ADLibs
    I want something soft to eat...
[18:04] Unmarked ADLibs
    You need only express how you feel!
[18:05] Unmarked ADLibs
    Got it!
[18:06] Yunyun
    Do you think things will work
    out for those two someday?
[18:11] Megumin
    Hard to say. Soketto's fortunes do tend to
    come true, but the future is malleable.
[18:18] Yunyun
    If only he could be honest and
    say he wants to get to know her.
[18:22] Megumin
    I honestly think Bukkorori needs to
    find a job before anything else.
[18:27] Megumin
    He still owes me a meal.
[18:30] Yunyun
    I've always wanted to ask, Megumin.
    Is food really all you want?
[18:34] Yunyun
    Have you never thought about
    finding someone nice?
[18:38] Megumin
    I have grand ambitions. That doesn't
    afford time for romantic tomfoolery.
[18:43] Yunyun
    But you want to be an adventurer, right?
[18:46] Yunyun
    If you spend all your time with someone
    from your party, helping each other out...
[18:50] Megumin
    True enough. And I do hear that's
    how a lot of marriages come to be.
[18:55] Megumin
    Whatever the case,
    if I were to fall for someone,
[18:58] Megumin
    I'm sure he'd be a dashing, peerless hero!
[19:03] Yunyun
    I wouldn't be too surprised if you
    ended up with someone normal.
[19:10] Pucchin
    Attention!
[19:11] Pucchin
    So, after examining the Dark God's tomb,
[19:13] Pucchin
    we've learned that lower level monsters
    have begun to wander the vicinity!
[19:16] Pucchin
    Until the seal is fully restored, nobody
    walks home alone! Use the buddy system!
[19:20] Pucchin
    That is all!
[19:22] Yunyun
    Huh? W-Walking home with someone?
[19:30] Megumin
    If you insist...
[19:32] Funifura
    Hey, Yunyun. You're probably
    headed home alone, right?
[19:35] Funifura
    Wanna walk with us?
[19:36] Dodonko
    You're the only one with a weapon, after all.
    I'd feel better knowing you're there.
[19:54] Yunyun
    M-Megumin!
[20:01] Megumin
    Weren't you going home with
    Funifura and Dodonko?
[20:05] Yunyun
    W-Well, you know... The monsters!
[20:08] Yunyun
    It's dangerous to go home alone.
    So I thought... w-we could...
[20:14] Megumin
    Are you serious about protecting
    me with that dagger?
[20:17] Yunyun
    Huh? Oh... Yeah! I am!
[20:21] Megumin
    I am the foremost prodigy
    among the Crimson Demons.
[20:24] Megumin
    And far more talented than you, Yunyun.
[20:26] Megumin
    I'd rather you not underestimate me.
[20:28] Yunyun
    Wh-What's the attitude for?
[20:29] Yunyun
    You used me as a shield from those
    One-Punch Bears the other day!
[20:41] Megumin
    Very well! It's time I settled
    things once and for all
[20:43] Megumin
    with my self-proclaimed rival, Yunyun!
[20:46] Yunyun
    S-Self-proclaimed?!
[20:47] Yunyun
    I mean, I can't deny that...
[20:49] Yunyun
    Okay, then! You can decide the
    contest, as usual, Megumin!
[21:03] Yunyun
    She scared me. It was just Ink, huh?
[21:08] Megumin
    She's lost some weight.
[21:09] Megumin
    I doubt I have to worry about
    Komekko trying to eat her anymore.
[21:21] Megumin
    Yunyun.
[21:24] Megumin
    Let's walk home together. We can
    pick up something to eat on the way.
[21:31] Yunyun
    R-Really?!
[21:33] Yunyun
    B-But we're rivals!
[21:37] Yunyun
    Rivals going home together
    would be weird, right?
[21:39] Yunyun
    B-Besides, you make it sound nice,
    but I know you'll just be after my food!
[21:45] Megumin
    Never mind, then.
[21:47] Yunyun
    Hey, wait!
[21:48] Yunyun
    T-Tomorrow! We can resume
    the rivalry tomorrow!
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SIGN    Episode 4: "The Crimson-Eyed Lonely Master"
[23:25] Yunyun
    Big trouble, Megumin!
[23:27] Yunyun
    Funifura's little brother is sick!
[23:29] Yunyun
    There's talk about raising funds for him.
[23:30] Megumin
    Very well!
[23:30] Megumin
    Then let's mask up and rob
    the local apothecary.
[23:33] Megumin
    As her friends!
[23:34] Yunyun
    That'd be criminal!
    And it wouldn't solve the problem!
[23:36] Yunyun
    N-Next time, we'll be at your job with an...
[23:38] Megumin
    Explosion!