E1 - First Love Is Like a Nasty Disease That Everyone Catches Once

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Narrator
    In the deep, deep forest
    known as the Lost Woods,
[00:08] Narrator
    a man has taken up residence
    in a deserted, decaying castle.
[00:15] Narrator
    He is a sorcerer, feared and
    hated by the populace at large...
[00:22] Narrator
    His name is Zagan.
[00:25] Narrator
    And right now, he is
    facing a grave challenge.
[00:30] Nephy
    Master...
[00:32] Narrator
    is it all right if I ask a question?
[00:35] Zagan
    What is it?
[00:36] Nephy
    How exactly...
[00:38] Nephy
    am I going to be killed?
[00:45] Zagan
    Hey... hang on a sec!
[00:47] Zagan
    Why are you assuming I'm going to kill you?!
[00:49] Zagan
    And what exactly am I supposed to do?!
[00:53] Zagan
    H-How do you talk to a girl that you like?
SIGN    Episode 1:
    First Love Is Like a Nasty Disease
    That Everyone Catches Once
[02:35] Narrator
    Our story begins the previous morning...
[02:41] Justille
    Meyers!
[02:42] Justille
    Why are you doing this?!
[02:47] Justille
    No!
[02:51] Justille
    N-No, you're not Meyers... Who are you?!
[02:55] Justille
    What did you do to Meyers?!
[03:01] Facestealer
    That's a pretty tasty face
    you're making there...
[03:05] Facestealer
    And I hate to disappoint you,
[03:06] Facestealer
    but this isn't the kind of
    assault you're hoping for.
[03:11] Facestealer
    See, the face off a living virgin
    makes a hell of a catalyst...
[03:16] Justille
    A sorcerer?!
[03:18] Facestealer
    Don't die too easily, now!
[03:23] Justille
    No!
[03:25] Facestealer
    Relax! After I've got your face,
    I'll treat your body real nice!
[03:32] Facestealer
    H-Huh?
[03:34] Facestealer
    Wh-Who the hell are you?!
[03:36] Zagan
    You tell me first.
[03:38] Zagan
    Do you realize this is someone's
    yard you're shouting in?
[03:40] Zagan
    I was trying to get some shut-eye,
    but thanks to you, that's not happening.
[03:45] Facestealer
    Shit, this must be his territory.
[03:48] Facestealer
    H-Hang on!
[03:49] Facestealer
    We're both sorcerers!
[03:51] Facestealer
    Let me go and I'll share the
    fruits of my research with you!
[03:54] Zagan
    I don't need any sorcery that
     requires flaying people.
[04:11] Zagan
    I overdid it.
[04:13] Zagan
    She's absolutely gonna be
    traumatized when she wakes up.
[04:16] Zagan
    G-Gotta keep my cool. I'm a sorcerer.
[04:20] Zagan
    This'll be easy to fix.
[04:22] Zagan
    Rewound Cycle.
[04:39] Zagan
    All that really does is put
    everything back where it was...
[04:43] Zagan
    But since the blood is gone,
[04:45] Zagan
    she'll probably think it was a dream.
[04:52] Zagan
    A cross?
[04:54] Zagan
    Is she with the Church?
[04:56] Zagan
    The self-proclaimed apostles of
    God. Enemies of all sorcerers.
[05:00] Zagan
    I actually saved her,
[05:02] Zagan
    but I'm likely to get
    blamed for the attack.
[05:05] Zagan
    Not that I really care.
[05:11] Zagan
    If I drop her on the road to a town,
    someone's bound to find her.
[05:19] Zagan
    Something's interfering with
    my translocation sorcery?
[05:21] Zagan
    This is my territory.
    I've got protective fields all around.
[05:25] Zagan
    This isn't a trick that just
    any sorcerer could pull.
[05:34] Zagan
    I'd appreciate if you wouldn't muck around
    with my casting circles, Barbatos.
[05:38] Barbatos
    Hey, Zagan. You look like shit, as usual.
[05:43] Zagan
    And so do you.
[05:46] Barbatos
    So, what? Did I interrupt some kind of party?
[05:48] Zagan
    Just teaching a lesson to a creep who
    was making a fuss in my yard, that's all.
[05:52] Barbatos
    A creep? Where do you get off, man?
[05:55] Barbatos
    We're sorcerers. The only thing we
    respect is our own pursuit of power.
[05:59] Barbatos
    Other people's lives and
    livelihoods are nothing but
[06:01] Barbatos
    fuel for that, which we take,
    if we feel like it.
[06:03] Barbatos
    That's what it means to
    be a sorcerer, right?
[06:08] Barbatos
    Hey... this girl's got a
    decent amount of mana.
[06:12] Barbatos
    You gonna sacrifice her or something?
[06:14] Zagan
    Sacrificial sorcery isn't my style.
[06:24] Barbatos
    What a waste. You should've let me have
    her if you weren't going to use her!
[06:29] Zagan
    I'm going to bed. I was up
    late reading sorcerous tomes.
[06:33] Zagan
    If you need something, come back later.
[06:35] Barbatos
    Come on, man. Don't be like
    that after I came all this way!
[06:40] Barbatos
    You could always just tweak your
    brain with adrenaline to wake up.
[06:45] Zagan
    That sort of thing is how you ended up
     looking like such a mess yourself.
[06:48] Barbatos
    Manipulating the body is
    fundamental for sorcery!
[06:52] Barbatos
    It keeps us healthy and long-lived.
[06:54] Barbatos
    Even if it's got a limit of
     about a thousand years.
[06:59] Barbatos
    I've got some real interesting news, Zagan.
[07:03] Barbatos
    Did you know one of the
    Archdemons, Marchosias, is dead?
[07:11] Zagan
    The Archdemons.
[07:12] Zagan
    Earning that title gets you an
    incredible amount of mana,
[07:15] Zagan
    along with the authority to
    command lower-ranked sorcerers.
[07:19] Zagan
    They are the pinnacle of sorcery.
[07:21] Zagan
    Of the 13 Archdemons,
[07:23] Zagan
    the longest lived—who had been around for
    a millennium—passed away the other day.
[07:30] Barbatos
    See, now you're all curious, huh?
[07:33] Barbatos
    But I thought you were
    going to bed! What a shame!
[07:37] Zagan
    If you're going to talk, then talk!
[07:40] Barbatos
    All right, all right.
[07:42] Barbatos
    There's apparently gonna be a huge auction
    at Marchosias' territory, Kianoides.
[07:47] Barbatos
    From legitimate merchandise to the kind of
    thing you and I would be interested in.
[07:50] Zagan
    Are you saying...
[07:51] Barbatos
    I am!
[07:53] Barbatos
    An Archdemon's legacy is
    gonna be up for auction!
[08:04] Zagan
    And I thought you actually had news for me.
[08:07] Zagan
    But you just want to borrow money
    for the auction, don't you?
[08:11] Zagan
    I could just buy the legacy
    for myself, y'know?
[08:14] Barbatos
    Come on, man, no fair!
[08:16] Barbatos
    I was the one who told you about it!
[08:18] Zagan
    Well, you can ask someone else.
[08:20] Barbatos
    You're the only sorcerer
    I know who'd loan me any money!
[08:24] Barbatos
    Come on, I'll help you pick out
    some nice chicks in exchange!
[08:29] Zagan
    Women, huh...
[08:31] Zagan
    I'm kind of interested, but they seem
    like more trouble than they'd be worth...
[08:40] Zagan
    The guards seem weirdly on edge.
[08:42] Barbatos
    Yeah, that'd be due to
    the serial kidnappings.
[08:46] Barbatos
    Some dumbasses have been snatching up
    young women for sorcerous experiments.
[08:52] Zagan
    Sounds like a risky proposition.
[08:55] Zagan
    They're basically picking
    a fight with the Church.
[08:57] Zagan
    And for what?
[08:59] Barbatos
    Couldn't tell you.
[09:00] Zagan
    Maybe they're planning on
    summoning something significant?
[09:03] Zagan
    Like an actual demon.
[09:05] Zagan
    Then again, that's like
    something out of a fairy tale.
[09:11] Barbatos
    Come to think of it, Zagan...
[09:13] Barbatos
    Aren't you suspected of being
    behind these kidnappings?
[09:17] Zagan
    That's stupid.
[09:18] Zagan
    How practical can sacrificial sorcery
    really be, when you get down to it?
[09:24] Barbatos
    True enough.
[09:25] Barbatos
    And it's not like you have enough
    friends to help you out, either!
[09:30] Zagan
    I never really thought friends
    were a necessity, anyway.
[09:55] Barbatos
    Check it out, Zagan.
[09:57] Barbatos
    We've got a regular bunch of celebrities.
[10:00] Barbatos
    Kimaris the Black Blade.
SIGN    Kimaris the Black Blade
[10:02] Barbatos
    Gremory the Enchantress..
SIGN    Gremory the Enchantress
[10:04] Barbatos
    And there's even Valefor the Apparition.
SIGN    Valefor the Apparition
[10:08] Zagan
    Second names... are something
    like titles for sorcerers.
[10:14] Zagan
    Are they strong?
[10:15] Barbatos
    Oh, yeah.
[10:16] Barbatos
    They're candidates to become the 13th
    Archdemon now that old Marchosias is gone.
[10:21] Barbatos
    Granted, so am I.
[10:23] Zagan
    The next Archdemon...
[10:25] Zagan
    Who makes that call?
[10:26] Barbatos
    The surviving 12 apparently debate it.
[10:30] Gremory
    Kimaris, look over there.
[10:34] Gremory
    The sickly-looking guy who's loafing around...
[10:37] Gremory
    What was his name again?
[10:39] Kimaris
    I believe that is Barbatos the Purgatory.
[10:42] Gremory
    And that sour-looking one
    next to him is called Zagan.
[10:46] Gremory
    He's young, and without a title,
[10:48] Gremory
    but for some reason his name came up
     among the Archdemon candidates.
[10:53] Announcer
    Ladies and gentlemen,
[10:55] Announcer
    who have finally come to our final,
    and most remarkable lot for the auction!
[11:06] Announcer
    This merchandise was previously scheduled
[11:09] Announcer
    to come into the possession of
    Archdemon Marchosias himself.
[11:13] Announcer
    However, with Lord Marchosias'
    passing, that deal fell through,
[11:19] Announcer
    and it now is on us to see
    that it finds a new owner!
[11:22] Barbatos
    Wait, what about all his stuff?
[11:24] Zagan
    This is probably a catalyst
    that he had picked out.
[11:30] Announcer
    A member of the legendary race
    from the distant Norden holy land...
[11:35] Announcer
    An elf!
SIGN    An Archdemon's Dilemma:
    How to Love Your Elf Bride
[11:51] Announcer
    As you're all aware, elves are closer
    to gods and nature spirits than humans!
[11:58] Announcer
    And as you can see with this one,
    she has striking white hair!
[12:01] Announcer
    This isn't dyed, folks. You're looking at an
    extremely rare, naturally platinum-locked elf!
[12:06] Announcer
    Her magical properties
     make her extremely valuable,
[12:09] Announcer
    to say nothing of her worth as a love slave!
[12:12] Announcer
    And if you can afford the price,
     she's yours for doing with as you please!
[12:17] Announcer
    Let's start the bidding at ten thousand—
[12:19] Zagan
    One million!
[12:24] Barbatos
    Uh, Zagan...
[12:26] Zagan
    One million gold Kuriotes.
[12:30] Announcer
    Thank you very much, sir!
[12:32] Announcer
    What an amazing bid!
[12:34] Announcer
    Do we have any others?
[12:34] Barbatos
    Damn, Zagan! I know she's
    an elf, but that's so much!
[12:38] Zagan
    What is this feeling in my chest?
[12:41] Zagan
    She's so lovely.
[12:42] Zagan
    Is that the right way to express it?
[12:45] Zagan
    I want to help her,
    I want to see her smiling...
[12:49] Zagan
    And I want to touch her.
[12:54] Zagan
    It's like I've finally found something
    I didn't know I was looking for.
[12:58] Barbatos
    What the hell kinda sorcery
    are you going to use her for?
[13:11] Announcer
    Congratulations, sir!
[13:12] Announcer
    The sorcerer Zagan has purchased
    one white-haired elf!
[13:22] Zagan
    What now? What do I say to her?
[13:26] Zagan
    Is she okay? She's not under
    some sorcery right now, is she?
[13:30] Announcer
    Any problems, Mr. Zagan?
[13:33] Zagan
    Uh, no!
[13:36] Zagan
    What's this?
[13:37] Announcer
    The collar must keep her mana contained.
[13:40] Announcer
    She's likely to run off without it,
     so please, be careful.
[13:44] Announcer
    That said, none of us know
    how to remove it, anyway.
[13:49] Zagan
    Is she conscious?
[13:52] Announcer
    Not to worry!
[13:54] Announcer
    She's been preserved in
    her natural state, sir!
[13:58] Announcer
    To be honest, she's got
    such incredible capacity,
[14:02] Announcer
    ordinary sorcery hasn't proven effective.
[14:05] Zagan
    I believe you.
[14:07] Zagan
    First, I'd like to talk with her.
[14:10] Zagan
    I can't wait to hear the
    sweet sounds she makes!
[14:21] Zagan
    Huh?
[14:22] Zagan
    Did that come out weird?
[14:25] Narrator
    This is what happens when someone who thought
    women were too much trouble just moments ago
[14:31] Narrator
    falls in love for the first time in his life.
[14:42] Zagan
    Well, I've brought her home, but...
[14:47] Zagan
    I should've asked Barbatos about this.
[14:50] Zagan
    What am I supposed to say to her?
[14:53] Zagan
    But I have to say something eventually.
[14:59] Zagan
    "The sky is beautiful today."
[15:02] Zagan
    No, come on. Even I can do better than that.
[15:05] Zagan
    Besides, we can't see the sky in here,
    and the weather is awful!
[15:09] Zagan
    "What do you think of the castle?"
[15:13] Zagan
    Get a grip, man!
[15:16] Zagan
    "It's like execution grounds, or maybe hell"
    is all I can think she'd say!
[15:21] Zagan
    Not to mention...
[15:22] Zagan
    Why didn't I clean up
    before bringing her home?!
[15:26] Nephy
    Master...
[15:28] Nephy
    Is it all right if I ask a question?
[15:31] Zagan
    She talked!
[15:32] Zagan
    She's got a sweet voice
    like the ringing of a bell.
[15:36] Zagan
    What is it?
[15:38] Zagan
    Why'd I say it like that?!
[15:40] Zagan
    I sounded completely annoyed just now!
[15:43] Nephy
    How exactly...
[15:44] Nephy
    am I going to be killed?
[15:57] Nephy
    If I know beforehand, I believe
    I'll be able to better prepare myself...
[16:02] Zagan
    Wait, wait, wait!
[16:04] Zagan
    I'm not going to kill you!
[16:05] Zagan
    If anything, I need you alive!
[16:08] Nephy
    Then...
[16:09] Nephy
    I should be expecting something
    worse than death, with no release?
[16:15] Zagan
    You've got it wrong!
[16:17] Zagan
    All this stuff belonged to
    the castle's previous owner!
[16:19] Zagan
    I just never got rid of it because
    it seemed like a lot of work!
[16:28] Zagan
    My name is Zagan.
[16:29] Zagan
    As you can tell, I'm a sorcerer,
    but I have no interest in torture.
[16:33] Zagan
    Now, then...
[16:39] Zagan
    So...
[16:40] Zagan
    This is ridiculous!
[16:41] Zagan
    Why am I having so much trouble
    just asking for her name?!
[16:48] Nephy
    I apologize.
[16:50] Nephy
    My name is Nephelia.
[16:53] Zagan
    Nephelia...
[16:55] Zagan
    What a beautiful name.
[16:57] Zagan
    Nephelia... what, exactly?
    What is your family name?
[17:00] Nephy
    I have none.
[17:02] Nephy
    If you find it distasteful,
    please, just call me Nephy.
[17:06] Zagan
    Can I?!
[17:07] Nephy
    Yes...
[17:08] Zagan
    Not only is her name beautiful,
    she's got a cute nickname like Nephy!
[17:13] Zagan
    Is it common for elves
    not to have a family name?
[17:18] Nephy
    No...
[17:19] Nephy
    I just happen to be a cursed child.
[17:24] Zagan
    A cursed child?
[17:25] Nephy
    Excuse me... but, why are you asking?
[17:29] Zagan
    Well...
[17:32] Nephy
    You don't need to worry.
[17:35] Nephy
    I'm a virgin.
[17:37] Zagan
    Y-You...
[17:39] Zagan
    Do you realize what you're talking about?!
[17:43] Nephy
    I thought you were concerned about my
    value as a subject for your experiments.
[17:48] Zagan
    Don't misunderstand me!
[17:49] Zagan
    I have no intention of experimenting on you.
[17:52] Nephy
    Why did you buy me, then?
[17:58] Zagan
    You don't need to know that.
[18:01] Zagan
    What am I even saying?!
[18:03] Zagan
    But "I fell head over heels for
    you at an underground auction"
[18:06] Zagan
    "and spent my entire fortune buying you"
[18:08] Zagan
    obviously makes me sound
    like some kind of pervert.
[18:10] Zagan
    And if we're going to be living
    together in the future,
[18:12] Zagan
    I couldn't bear her looking
    at me like that...
[18:16] Zagan
    Living together?!
[18:18] Zagan
    I'm going to be under the same
    roof as this adorable girl?!
[18:21] Zagan
    I need to calm down. I'm a sorcerer.
[18:24] Zagan
    A powerful sorcerer should
    always maintain his composure.
[18:30] Zagan
    Nephy, for now, I'm going
    to provide you with a room.
[18:34] Zagan
    Pick out whichever you would like.
[18:36] Nephy
    Are you asking me to choose where I'll die?
[18:39] Zagan
    I told you, I'm not going to kill you!
[18:41] Nephy
    I just don't understand why you wouldn't...
[18:46] Nephy
    Are you saying that I'm
    not going to be killed,
[18:48] Nephy
    no matter what purpose you have for me?
[18:51] Zagan
    I get it.
[18:53] Zagan
    Of course...
[18:55] Zagan
    She was caught and sold off as a slave.
[18:58] Zagan
    She was probably told that she was going to be
    a test subject or a sacrifice this entire time.
[19:04] Zagan
    I don't know what this
    "cursed child" business is,
[19:06] Zagan
    and she doesn't seem to
    want to talk about it,
[19:09] Zagan
    so she probably doesn't
    have a home to return to.
[19:11] Zagan
    It was the same for me.
[19:14] Zagan
    Not only did I not have a family name,
[19:16] Zagan
    I don't even remember my parents.
[19:18] Zagan
    The first thing I do remember
    is living in the trash...
[19:23] Zagan
    And being called by the name Zagan.
[19:31] Zagan
    I bought you because I need you.
[19:34] Zagan
    So, no more of this dying talk.
[19:36] Nephy
    Need... me?
[19:38] Nephy
    You mean that?
[19:40] Zagan
    Yes. So for now, you'll live for my sake.
[19:50] Nephy
    Yes.
[19:58] Zagan
    Now, about your room...
[20:01] Zagan
    What would be good?
[20:02] Zagan
    Maybe someplace with a view...
[20:05] Zagan
    Do you mind heights?
[20:06] Nephy
    No.
[20:08] Nephy
    Feel free to hang me by the
    neck or the wrists as you like.
[20:11] Zagan
    I'm not talking about torture!
[20:14] Nephy
    Forgive me.
[20:15] Nephy
    I couldn't think of anything else
     when you mentioned heights.
[20:19] Zagan
    Please, scrounge up a little more hope.
[20:33] Zagan
    Be careful. Watch where you're walking.
[20:36] Nephy
    R-Right.
[20:41] Zagan
    Huh... Am I holding hands
    with Nephy right now?
[20:47] Zagan
    But it'd be weird to let go.
[20:49] Zagan
    They're so soft, and warm...
[20:55] Zagan
    This room isn't usually in use.
[20:58] Zagan
    It might not be very tidy, but...
[21:07] Nephy
    You may take my head as
    it pleases you, Master.
[21:09] Zagan
    Seriously, stop!
[21:11] Zagan
    This is, you know...
[21:13] Zagan
    A trap to protect the castle
    from airborne enemies!
[21:18] Zagan
    Even I have trouble buying that.
[21:20] Zagan
    However, I can see how it'd be in the way.
[21:24] Zagan
    Let me dispose of it.
[21:37] Zagan
    I have my doubts about it's
    function as a room, but...
[21:40] Zagan
    At least she's got nothing
    to be afraid of.
[21:44] Nephy
    I've never seen such
    destructive sorcery before.
[21:48] Zagan
    Okay, so maybe blasting away with attack
    sorcery out of the blue is intimidating!
[21:51] Zagan
    This is what happens when the only
    person I ever talk to is Barbatos!
[21:56] Zagan
    This won't do after all. It's too dreary.
[21:59] Nephy
    Is that really the word for it?
[22:16] Zagan
    You like the moon?
[22:20] Nephy
    I don't know.
[22:29] Zagan
    I don't think we can reach it.
[22:31] Nephy
    That makes sense.
[22:38] Nephy
    U-Um...
[22:41] Nephy
    Is it all right if I stay in this room?
[22:47] Zagan
    You don't mind all of... this, then?
[22:49] Nephy
    No.
[22:52] Nephy
    Because it's the room you
    prepared for me, Master.
[22:56] Zagan
    F-Fine, then. Use it how you see fit.
[22:59] Nephy
    Thank you.
[23:04] Nephy
    Is something wrong?
[23:06] Zagan
    No...
[23:08] Zagan
    It's just been a long time since
    anyone thanked me for anything.
[23:13] Nephy
    I think it's been a long time
    since I've given thanks, too.
[23:17] Zagan
    I see.
[23:18] Nephy
    Yes...
[23:21] Narrator
    It was on this night that
    their long cohabitation...
[23:25] Narrator
    and their very, very long story began.
[23:30] Sign
    Next Time:
    First Love With Social Anxiety Tastes a Lot Like Moldy Bread
SIGN    Crap, what
    do I do?
SIGN    What do
    I do?
SIGN    She's so cute
    it's painful...!!!
    Am I gonna be able
    to sleep tonight?!
SIGN    Zagan's internal
    monologue