E5 - Sodachi Lost, Part Two
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST
[00:01] ---
Back then, not even the few friends I had
knew my parents' profession.
[00:06] ---
How in the world did Oikura find out?
[00:09] ---
Such a curveball was tossed at me
by Hanekawa early yesterday morning.
[00:15] ---
QUESTION
[00:16] ---
I couldn't answer.
I had no idea whatsoever.
[00:20] ---
If you can't figure it out no matter what you do,
how about you go ask your parents?
[00:25] ---
Sure enough, that shed some light
on the answer.
[00:28] ---
Oikura and I had met back in grade school...
In other words, we're childhood friends.
[00:34] ---
To be precise, it was somewhere
back around when I was in sixth grade...
[00:38] ---
Back around when I was playing
with my little sister Tsukihi,
[00:41] ---
or with Sengoku
and the others Tsukihi brought over.
[00:45] ---
Back then, I was together
with Sodachi Oikura.
[00:48] ---
I don't have many memories
of my grade school days,
[00:52] ---
so I clearly remember about
when I played with Tsukihi,
[00:56] ---
though I called her Lala at the time.
[00:59] ---
Of course, I remember about you too,
Big Brother Koyomi.
[01:03] ---
There you have it.
[01:04] ---
One day... Wait, though I am speaking
as if I remember all of this now,
[01:09] ---
I haven't remembered any of this
as being reality just yet.
[01:12] ---
I have no memory of it at all.
[01:14] ---
This is what my parents told me
when I asked them, that's all.
[01:18] ---
In any case, one day...
[01:19] ---
My parents came home
and brought a girl with them.
[01:23] ---
That girl was, of course,
who is now known to be Sodachi Oikura.
[01:28] ---
My parents didn't give much of an explanation,
but apparently told me and my two younger sisters
[01:32] ---
that she'd be staying with us for a while,
so we should be friends.
[01:36] ---
My parents had taken Oikura as a child
to protect her from her "family,"
[01:40] ---
and brought her to their own home.
[01:43] ---
From her "family," where it was seen
that violence was already rampant at that time.
[01:48] ---
I thought that she was
something of a mysterious person.
[01:51] ---
She never tried to play with us,
[01:53] ---
but didn't attempt to leave the room either,
and she never spoke.
[01:58] ---
However, she suddenly disappeared.
[02:01] ---
Naturally, it was simply the fact that the child Oikura
had returned to her own house of her own accord.
[02:07] ---
She did so voluntarily.
[02:09] ---
It wasn't that her parents
came to take her back,
[02:11] ---
or my parents were no longer able
to protect her due to certain circumstances...
[02:16] ---
The child Oikura had decided on her own,
[02:18] ---
and left my version of "our home,"
and returned to her version of "our home."
[03:55] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
[03:56] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST, PART TWO
[03:58] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST
[03:59] ---
How dare you come here.
[04:01] ---
OIKURA'S CONDO, ENTRANCE
[04:02] ---
I'll commend you on your nerve, Ararag—
[04:06] ---
ARARA-G?
[04:10] ---
Your name is so hard to pronounth...
[04:13] ---
SAME, DINING ROOM
[04:15] ---
Well... You look like
you're doing well, Oikura. I'm glad.
[04:19] ---
Look like I'm doing well?
Does it look that way?
[04:23] ---
Really. Just how much
of a hypocrite is she?
[04:27] ---
I'd suspected she wasn't just
some quiet, frail little girl...
[04:30] ---
Maybe I should sue her
for bodily injury.
[04:33] ---
Like, go to the doctor before the swelling goes down
and get a certificate for my injuries.
[04:37] ---
That way, maybe her recommendation
for college enrollment will be withdrawn?
[04:48] ---
Wait... what?
[04:50] ---
Wh-What is it?
Why are you poking my cheek?
[04:54] ---
Like, poke-poke...
[04:55] ---
Are we close enough that
you could act so mischievously with me?
[04:59] ---
What crime do you want
to be prosecuted for?
[05:02] ---
With that cheek, you probably wouldn't get
a certificate for injuries from any doctor, Oikura.
[05:10] ---
What?
[05:14] ---
The swelling completely healed in two nights.
What a healing power I have...
[05:19] ---
It seems like you're doing well,
with no major problems.
[05:22] ---
So, starting tomorrow,
you'll come to school again, right, Oikura?
[05:26] ---
So this is your job
as class president, huh? Let's see...
[05:30] ---
...Hanekawa, was it?
[05:32] ---
Right. I'm Tsubasa Hanekawa.
[05:36] ---
So you were asked by our teacher
to come pick me up or something?
[05:41] ---
Hanekawa aside...
[05:43] ---
Why would you come here?
[05:46] ---
A...
[05:47] ---
A-ra-ra-gi.
[05:50] ---
I don't want to see your face,
[05:52] ---
and I'm sure you don't want
to see my face either, you know?
[05:55] ---
You know, I thought we really
didn't get along with each other.
[06:00] ---
Was that just my misunderstanding?
[06:03] ---
It's not a misunderstanding.
[06:04] ---
But, it wasn't only that, either...
[06:08] ---
Weren't you the one who taught me that
the day before yesterday?
[06:14] ---
And even back in grade school.
[06:31] ---
No, well, I thought it'd be dangerous
if you threw the tea, Oikura.
[06:35] ---
So I prepared myself beforehand...
[06:39] ---
Two days ago, I couldn't stop Senjyogahara,
so I thought things over.
[06:44] ---
THINKING THINGS OVER
CAME TO BE OF TOO GOOD A USE.
[06:45] ---
Oikura.
[06:47] ---
Let's have a chat...
[06:49] ---
...about the past.
[06:51] ---
About the past for you and me.
[06:52] ---
IN THE END, THE ONE FACING OFF
AGAINST OIKURA WASN'T HANEKAWA, BUT ME.
[06:58] ---
I despise you.
[07:00] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST
[07:02] ---
Now you remember...
[07:03] ---
From the look of it, not only did you remember,
but, after five years,
[07:07] ---
it finally got through to you
what I was trying to do back then.
[07:12] ---
Which means...
you must totally be making fun of me.
[07:16] ---
Of someone who was totally kissing up to you
in order to get some help...
[07:22] ---
Of myself.
[07:23] ---
Kissing up?
[07:25] ---
I-I'm an idiot.
[07:26] ---
I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot.
[07:29] ---
I really am such an idiot!
[07:31] ---
I-I'm so embarrassed that I tried to save myself
when it meant kissing up to a guy like this!
[07:35] ---
I threw out my pride back then
to flatter someone like this!
[07:39] ---
I licked and lapped his shoes,
at least emotionally!
[07:45] ---
In the hope of making up for my mistakes,
I made an even worse one...
[07:49] ---
Embarrassing, embarrassing!
[07:50] ---
Embarrassing, embarrassing...
I want to die! I want to be gone!
[07:58] ---
But, Araragi.
[08:01] ---
Even if it wasn't me,
I'm sure the same thing would've happened.
[08:05] ---
I don't think I was
especially unfortunate or anything.
[08:08] ---
Something like this happens often.
[08:12] ---
Hey, don't you think so, too?
[08:15] ---
You can't possibly be feeling sympathetic
towards me or anything, right?
[08:20] ---
Don't pity me...
[08:22] ---
If you, someone who I despise,
pities me, I really feel like I want to die.
[08:29] ---
I do feel like it can't be helped,
no matter what you tell me.
[08:33] ---
Because I haven't returned one bit
of what you've given me.
[08:38] ---
So if you're telling me not to pity me,
then I won't pity you.
[08:41] ---
If you're saying not to atone for it,
of course I won't atone, either.
[08:45] ---
What's up with that?
Are you trying to act tough?
[08:48] ---
Do you think an attitude like that
is especially manly?
[08:51] ---
Do you think doing something like that
makes you a superior human?
[08:54] ---
Manly? That's just you tossing everything out.
[08:58] ---
Yeah... but speaking of tossing out,
didn't you do the same thing?
[09:09] ---
I couldn't help it. That's not my fault.
[09:13] ---
Why I toss things out,
[09:14] ---
why I run away when I'm sick of it,
is all my parents' fault.
[09:18] ---
My parents are the ones at fault.
[09:19] ---
It's my parents' responsibility
that I ended up like this.
[09:23] ---
So what are those parents doing now?
[09:26] ---
Whoa! Why is that on your mind?
[09:28] ---
I mean, the family makeup
of someone like me.
[09:30] ---
You didn't even consider it at all
back in middle school.
[09:35] ---
After you failed to help me,
they happily got a divorce.
[09:39] ---
My mother got custody of me,
and I left this town...
[09:44] ---
I don't give a rat's ass about
what the male parent is doing nowadays.
[09:48] ---
That's right. That male parent
is the one who did all that to that house.
[09:52] ---
That scumbag.
[09:54] ---
My mother only hit me when she needed to vent
the frustration of being beaten by the male parent.
[10:00] ---
I've been cooped up in my place like this
for over two years now.
[10:07] ---
But my mother also
cooped herself up as well.
[10:10] ---
Right after we turned into
a fatherless family, too...
[10:13] ---
It seems like the divorce gradually got to her.
[10:15] ---
She cooped herself up in one room
of our new home, and she never left it.
[10:20] ---
Never left?
[10:21] ---
It really was horrible.
[10:23] ---
She cooped herself up inside a locked room
and curled up in a corner.
[10:27] ---
Eventually, she stopped eating altogether.
[10:31] ---
Mother boarded up all the windows
and kept the curtains closed.
[10:36] ---
The room was pitch black.
[10:40] ---
And for the longest time,
she kept mumbling.
[10:43] ---
She mumbled stuff like,
"Parents can't choose their children," and stuff.
[10:47] ---
But at some point, she started to ignore me,
no matter what I said to her.
[10:52] ---
Fortunately, Japan is a country
that's pretty substantial in providing welfare.
[10:57] ---
Even without my mother earning a living,
as long as you have the proper paperwork,
[11:00] ---
one parent and one child
could barely scrape by.
[11:03] ---
So "it'd be better if my mother was gone"
was something I've never once thought.
[11:08] ---
This is one thing that's true.
[11:13] ---
Because I was praying every night...
[11:16] ---
So that "it'd be better if my mother was gone"
would be something I wouldn't wish for.
[11:22] ---
So that "it'd be better if my mother was gone"
would be something I wouldn't wish for.
[11:28] ---
So that "it'd be better if my mother was gone"
would be something I wouldn't wish for.
[11:33] ---
So that "it'd be better if my mother was gone"
would be something I wouldn't wish for.
[11:40] ---
But, my mother was gone,
against my wishes.
[11:44] ---
AGAINST MY WISHES
[11:49] ---
One day, without telling me anything,
[11:51] ---
without confessing anything to me,
my mother was gone.
[11:56] ---
When I came home from school,
my mother was gone.
[11:59] ---
My mother was gone then.
[12:02] ---
Suddenly, without any warning,
she went off somewhere...
[12:05] ---
See, isn't that a lot like me?
[12:08] ---
They say that girls often tend to be
more like their male parents,
[12:11] ---
but I'm sure I'm a lot like my mother.
[12:14] ---
OIKURA, MOST LIKELY
[12:16] ---
SMILED LIKE HER MOTHER.
[12:18] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST
[12:20] ---
I made dinner
and took it up to her room.
[12:23] ---
I unlocked the door and went inside,
and it was completely empty.
[12:27] ---
There wasn't even a letter left behind.
[12:29] ---
My parents...
[12:31] ---
OIKURA SAYS THAT.
[12:32] ---
Both of them...
[12:33] ---
KILLING EMOTIONS
[12:34] ---
I have no idea
of their whereabouts anymore.
[12:36] ---
SLAUGHTERING HER OWN HEART
[12:38] ---
In any case, with that,
I was freed from taking care of my mother.
[12:42] ---
I was able to catch up
on my schoolwork as well.
[12:44] ---
Among my relatives, I found someone
that could be my legal guardian in name only.
[12:48] ---
And then, by receiving federal aid,
I was able to come back to this town.
[12:52] ---
I didn't want to see you,
so I really didn't want to come back here...
[12:56] ---
But this was the only place
that had an opening.
[12:59] ---
Why did you decide to live on your own?
[13:02] ---
You could've continued to live in the house
where you had lived with your mother.
[13:06] ---
Why did you decide to take the time
to move at that point?
[13:09] ---
Because it was a place
overfilled with garbage.
[13:11] ---
I felt it better to toss out the entire house,
rather than attempt to clean up at that point.
[13:15] ---
Thinking over my past,
I keep the amount of furniture here sparse.
[13:19] ---
It looks really neat here, doesn't it?
[13:22] ---
You get it now...
that I'm not that unfortunate?
[13:26] ---
Something at this level
could happen to anyone, can't it?
[13:29] ---
Some more, some less,
but everyone experiences it.
[13:32] ---
It's something commonplace...
or rather, it's not even a story about hardships.
[13:37] ---
Well, it might be a bit rougher
than for most people, sure.
[13:40] ---
But if you say that,
you really can't get by in this world.
[13:43] ---
If put on the spot, I guess your parent
cooping themselves up is something unusual.
[13:48] ---
But I should be happy that I got to experience
something that doesn't happen often, a rarity.
[13:53] ---
It's not like I'm the only unfortunate one,
so I have to do my best.
[13:57] ---
I'm one of the more fortunate ones,
because I'm still alive like this.
[14:03] ---
So, I'm saying you don't have to pity me...
[14:06] ---
You don't have to apologize
or atone for anything, Araragi.
[14:10] ---
You don't have to
make up for your sins at all.
[14:13] ---
Somehow, talking about this
has cleared my mind, too...
[14:17] ---
In the end, they're all stories of the past.
[14:20] ---
The stories of the past that you seek
are only stories of the distant past.
[14:24] ---
They're all stories that have concluded.
[14:26] ---
END
[14:28] ---
I was irritated,
so I lashed out at you,
[14:31] ---
but at this point, I don't feel like
I want you to do anything for me.
[14:35] ---
If anything...
[14:37] ---
...can you guys go home now?
[14:41] ---
IF SHE TELLS US TO GO HOME,
[14:42] ---
WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO HOME.
[14:43] ---
- Oi—
- Oikura.
[14:45] ---
Did you say "unlock the door"?
[14:47] ---
What?
[14:51] ---
Yes. That's right.
[14:53] ---
When you unlocked the door and went in,
your mother was gone...
[14:58] ---
But the windows were all boarded up, right?
[15:01] ---
And if the door was locked on top of that,
[15:04] ---
where did your mother
leave the room from?
[15:09] ---
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST
[15:10] ---
WHERE DID YOUR MOTHER LEAVE THE ROOM FROM?
[15:12] ---
A LOCKED ROOM
[15:13] ---
From where? From the door, of course.
[15:17] ---
The door unlocks if you turn the inside handle,
so you can leave that way.
[15:22] ---
Then, was it a door
that locks itself automatically?
[15:24] ---
It was a normal keyed door.
[15:27] ---
But the key was placed randomly
somewhere around the house,
[15:32] ---
so I'm sure my mother
locked the door before leaving.
[15:37] ---
Well, yeah. You're right.
[15:41] ---
Then, Oikura, setting aside the room's lock,
what about the lock on the front door?
[15:46] ---
Why do you want to know
something so trivial as that....
[15:49] ---
I don't really remember.
[15:51] ---
If she doesn't remember,
that means it didn't make an impression on her.
[15:54] ---
That probably means that the door
was properly locked, right?
[15:57] ---
If it was unlocked, she would've felt
something was strange at that point.
[16:02] ---
I just don't get it...
[16:03] ---
Why does my mother's disappearance
bother you so much? Why?
[16:09] ---
Hey, Araragi...
[16:11] ---
Do you know how I felt when I was taken
into protective custody at your place?
[16:16] ---
I wondered why
you guys were showing off.
[16:19] ---
I had thought that my house,
and my family, was the norm.
[16:24] ---
No broken windows, no cracked walls,
no cracked floors - a neat little house like that...
[16:29] ---
I couldn't believe that
such a calm family could exist.
[16:33] ---
That's why I kept glaring at
all of you the whole time.
[16:36] ---
I silently kept glaring.
[16:38] ---
Do you remember that?
[16:40] ---
Yeah...
[16:41] ---
A LIE.
[16:42] ---
I HAVE NO MEMORY OF BACK THEN.
[16:44] ---
It was so bright... that's why I ran away.
[16:47] ---
I was blinded by the brightness,
and felt like my eyes would be crushed.
[16:51] ---
My body was going to be crushed
by the warmth and comfort.
[16:53] ---
I WISH I NEVER KNEW.
[16:55] ---
I WISH...
[16:56] ---
But it was no good. It was too late.
[16:58] ---
I NEVER MET YOU.
[16:59] ---
After seeing something like that just once...
[17:02] ---
I realized just how miserable my house was.
[17:05] ---
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A NORMAL HOUSE.
[17:06] ---
SHE FELT THAT IT WAS BRIGHT.
[17:08] ---
By the time I found out,
there was nothing I could do.
[17:12] ---
I tried strange ways to do something about it,
and they started to say I was acting rebellious.
[17:16] ---
That caused me
to be beaten even more often.
[17:19] ---
Where it wouldn't be seen on me...
[17:22] ---
...the parts of me that weren't visible...
[17:26] ---
...were all pummeled.
[17:30] ---
But upon escaping that,
I couldn't fully escape.
[17:33] ---
I could no longer escape.
[17:37] ---
That's why, when I was reunited with you
back in middle school, I felt like it was destiny.
[17:47] ---
Didn't I do my best to kiss up to you?
[17:51] ---
Well, in reaction to that,
when we had our second reunion in high school,
[17:56] ---
I was a bit too harsh with you.
[17:58] ---
In any case, you had forgotten about me,
so none of that really mattered.
[18:05] ---
Really... things just don't go well.
[18:07] ---
With Tetsujo gone, I finally thought
that I could start over this time.
[18:12] ---
Araragi in my class yet again?
That's impossible.
[18:14] ---
I really do feel something like destiny here.
A destiny much like a curse.
[18:20] ---
You show up at every significant event in my life
and spread forth disaster.
[18:26] ---
- It's my fault?
- That's right.
[18:28] ---
Because of you,
my life is in shambles...
[18:31] ---
No. I know it's not your fault.
I know that I'm the one at fault...
[18:37] ---
What my mother said was correct.
[18:40] ---
If the baby born wasn't me,
it would've been a decent one.
[18:45] ---
It's my fault. I despise myself.
[18:47] ---
I... I despise myself.
[18:49] ---
But you know, if I don't blame it on you,
I can't keep going, Araragi.
[18:54] ---
I'm sorry, but please be my villain.
[18:57] ---
I can't take it anymore.
[18:58] ---
I can't recover if my parents
are the only villains I blame.
[19:03] ---
Oikura...
[19:04] ---
I wonder why things
never go well for me.
[19:06] ---
I'm doing things properly, I'm doing my best,
I'm making a good effort...
[19:11] ---
Of course, personality or sanity included,
there are all sorts of strange things.
[19:15] ---
But I haven't done anything that calls for
all the punishment I've received so far.
[19:21] ---
Tell me, Araragi.
You're happy right now, right?
[19:25] ---
If I'm contributing even just a little bit,
if you think that, tell me.
[19:31] ---
Why can't I be happy?
[19:36] ---
You're not happy because
you're not trying to be happy.
[19:41] ---
Nobody can make someone who isn't trying
to be happy into someone that's happy.
[19:47] ---
You sound like you know
what you're talking about.
[19:50] ---
I don't know everything.
I only know what I know.
[19:56] ---
Really, that's how it is. You're correct.
[19:59] ---
ANSWER
[20:00] ---
I mean, considering how frail I am,
if I was happy, I'd get crushed. Like, crunch.
[20:06] ---
My eyes, my body, they'd be crushed.
I couldn't bear the weight of happiness.
[20:11] ---
Instead of being happy after all this,
[20:13] ---
I rather be steeped ankle-deep in
lukewarm unhappiness and bear all of it.
[20:17] ---
I want to keep my shoes soaking wet
for as long as I live.
[20:20] ---
In reality, that's what I've been doing...
[20:22] ---
Yup.
[20:24] ---
I can't be happy after all this.
[20:27] ---
It's already too late.
[20:28] ---
TOO LATE.
[20:29] ---
THEN WHEN WOULD IT HAVE BEEN
CONSIDERED MAKING IT IN TIME?
[20:30] ---
OR, WAS IT THAT WAY BEFORE THAT,
IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE—
[20:31] ---
MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND.
[20:32] ---
EVERYTHING WAS A THING OF THE PAST,
HARDLY WORTH MENTIONING,
[20:34] ---
WAS IT SOMETHING THAT COULDN'T BE UNDONE,
UNABLE TO RETURN, AND TOO LATE FOR IT—
[20:35] ---
NO.
[20:35] ---
INCORRECT.
[20:36] ---
THAT'S NOT HOW IT IS.
[20:37] ---
No way.
[20:39] ---
There's no happiness that's so heavy
you'd be crushed by it.
[20:43] ---
Happiness isn't bright or heavy.
[20:46] ---
Don't overestimate what happiness is.
[20:49] ---
All kinds of happiness
are perfect for you.
[20:53] ---
So don't despise happiness like that.
[20:56] ---
Don't despise the world,
don't despise anything and everything....
[20:59] ---
Don't despise yourself.
[21:01] ---
All the types of "despise" within your body...
I'll accept all of them for you. I'll accept them all.
[21:07] ---
So I want you to love yourself more.
[21:10] ---
YOU CAN DESPISE ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.
[21:10] ---
YOU CAN DESPISE ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.
AT LEAST AS MUCH AS I
[21:11] ---
YOU CAN DESPISE ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.
AT LEAST AS MUCH AS I
USED TO LOVE YOU BEFORE.
[21:13] ---
It's true that I'm currently very happy...
that's why I'll make the effort to say this!
[21:17] ---
It's a given that
everyone has something like this!
[21:28] ---
Well said.
[21:33] ---
Town hall...
[21:35] ---
Someone from town hall is coming soon.
[21:38] ---
I'm sorry to interrupt as you become passionate,
but I really want you guys to go home.
[21:42] ---
They're going to come check
if I'm living a proper life.
[21:46] ---
Right now, they're barely overlooking the fact
that I'm refusing to go to school.
[21:51] ---
If they saw me arguing with my classmates,
I'd be in trouble.
[21:55] ---
I see. Then we'll go home for today.
[21:58] ---
But we'll come again tomorrow.
The day after, too.
[22:00] ---
Not to mention the weekend,
even if it troubles you.
[22:03] ---
Troubling those we care about
is how we do things.
[22:13] ---
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I should've said this at the beginning.
[22:17] ---
I've grown to be pretty fond of you.
[22:24] ---
Then, you guys...
please look for my mother who disappeared.
[22:29] ---
If you can find her,
I wouldn't mind going to school again.
[22:34] ---
And I wouldn't mind
apologizing to Senjyogahara.
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