# E2 - I Want to Be a Ninja
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G4VUQ1EDN/i-want-to-be-a-ninja)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:17] Kuro**
Surrender and I can guarantee you'll live.
**[00:21] Kuro**
You can't think the government
has a chance against shinobi.
**[00:24] Mako**
I have my doubts about you being
able to win with that attitude.
**[00:28] Mako**
This rotating twister dagger...
**[00:31] Mako**
is more than capable of piercing
that blade-proof hoodie of yours.
**[00:36] Kuro**
Take a look at the back of your hand.
**[00:44] Kuro**
Finally noticed?
**[00:47] Kuro**
Did you really think shinobi like us would
**[00:49] Kuro**
infiltrate enemy territory
without fire support?
**[00:52] Kuro**
When I give the signal,
your arm will evaporate.
**[00:55] Kuro**
Our reach extends to
anywhere in the atmosphere...
**[01:01] Kuro**
with our "Escape."
**[01:11] Hachiya**
Granted, that's a lie.
**[01:15] Kato**
The incident this summer where
someone was cutting off male organs.
**[01:21] Kato**
There was a decent amount of talk about it.
***SIGN*** Shinobin
**[01:25] Kato**
The foreigner responsible for it
**[01:27] Kato**
made a lot of noise about ninja,
so the top brass were concerned.
**[01:32] Kato**
They selected a handful of Genin
and sent them after the foreigner.
**[01:38] Ozu**
Yeah. I remember it all right.
***SIGN*** September 9th
**[01:42] Ozu**
Because I was the foreigner's
first point of contact.
***SIGN*** July 23rd
***SIGN*** Nimble, invisible.
***SIGN*** Nightly Japanese agent... ninja.
***SIGN*** They're everywhere,
but impossible to find.
***SIGN*** There's something so philosophical about that.
***SIGN*** I want to be a ninja.
***SIGN*** Episode 2: "I Want to Be a Ninja"
**[04:01] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Where are you, ninja?
***SIGN*** Foot and Bicycle Traffic
**[04:19] (Flashback) Sasama**
All right, you little squirts!
**[04:22] (Flashback) Sasama**
Drink the breast milk!
Breast milk, fresh from the tap!
**[04:28] (Flashback) Kid A**
It's him! It's Mr. Breast Milk!
**[04:32] (Flashback) Sasama**
Come on, step right up and
have a drink! It's breast milk!
**[04:35] (Flashback) Sasama**
You can even suck from
the source, if you want!
**[04:42] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Ninja...
***SIGN*** Wh-What the...
***SIGN*** Some kind of ninja code?!
***SIGN*** Why so close to the ground?
***SIGN*** To keep it hidden from view?!
***SIGN*** Are there more?!
***SIGN*** Anything else?!
***SIGN*** Anywhere!
***SIGN*** Warning: If you piss here,
I'll cut your rotten rod off.
***SIGN*** This is it.
***SIGN*** Hey, it's you.
***SIGN*** Kinda surprised you actually called.
***SIGN*** Me?
***SIGN*** I'm in Germany.
***SIGN*** For work.
***SIGN*** With you having left,
***SIGN*** there's more to do.
***SIGN*** So, what do you want?
***SIGN*** I see it.
***SIGN*** Warning: If you piss here,
I'll cut your rotten rod off.
***SIGN*** No doubt about it.
***SIGN*** This is a message from the ninja.
***SIGN*** As for what it means...
***SIGN*** Whoa.
***SIGN*** Pardon me.
***SIGN*** It says to cut the dick off of anyone taking a piss on the wall.
***SIGN*** Rod is slang for dick.
***SIGN*** You'll wanna cut two or three off,
***SIGN*** and then the ninja will make contact with you.
***SIGN*** Don't mention it. I'm glad to help.
***SIGN*** If you're able to infiltrate the
world's greatest order of killers,
***SIGN*** it only stands to benefit us.
***SIGN*** And until then, consider your daughter
***SIGN*** to be in our care.
***SIGN*** Infants can be quite handy, after all.
***SIGN*** If I cut three dicks off,
***SIGN*** I can become a ninja.
***SIGN*** If I become a ninja,
***SIGN*** I can save my daughter.
**[06:42] (Flashback) Driver**
Ai-chan! You want a lift back to your place?
**[06:45] (Flashback) Kawado**
Oh, that's cool. I'm gonna
drop by the convenience store.
**[06:49] (Flashback) Driver**
Okay.
**[06:50] (Flashback) Kawado**
Good work today.
**[06:53] (Flashback) Kawado**
Y'know, I should probably
give Ono-san some beer.
**[07:02] (Flashback) Old dude**
Hey, girlie, what're you staring at?
**[07:05] (Flashback) Old dude**
You some kinda perv,
sizing up my schlong like that?
**[07:08] (Flashback) Old dude**
If you want a better look...
**[07:10] (Flashback) Kawado**
Dickhead.
**[07:11] (Flashback) Old dude**
Huh?! You want a piece of this?!
**[07:13] (Flashback) Kawado**
Dickhead.
**[07:14] (Flashback) Old dude**
Hey! Get back here!
**[07:15] (Flashback) Kawado**
Dickhead!
**[07:16] (Flashback) Old dude**
You got no vocabulary, do you?!
**[07:18] (Flashback) Kawado**
Dickhead!
**[07:20] Kawado**
*Huh, a foreigner.*
**[07:28] (Flashback) Ono**
That stupid girl...
**[07:31] (Flashback) Ono**
She chugs all of my beer,
**[07:35] (Flashback) Ono**
and then accuses me
of stealing her underwear!
**[07:38] (Flashback) Kuro**
Ono-san!
**[07:40] (Flashback) Kuro**
Why are you wearing Kawado-san's bra?
**[07:45] (Flashback) Kuro**
Why don't you tell me all
about it over some drinks?
**[07:48] (Flashback) Ono**
W-Well, actually, Kawado-san drank
all my booze, so I've got none...
**[07:54] (Flashback) Kuro**
Oh, don't worry.
**[07:56] (Flashback) Kuro**
There's that plum brandy
underneath the kitchenette
**[07:59] (Flashback) Kuro**
that your elderly mom sends you every year.
**[08:03] (Flashback) Ono**
How do you know about that?!
**[08:06] (Flashback) Kuro**
Well, cheers.
**[08:08] (Flashback) Ono**
Well... sure. Cheers.
**[08:16] (Flashback) Kuro**
Missus Ono's plum brandy really hits the spot!
**[08:20] (Flashback) Kuro**
I think I'll have some more.
**[08:22] (Flashback) Kuro**
Oh, don't mind me. I can pour it myself.
**[08:27] (Flashback) Ono**
How exactly are you familiar
with its taste, anyway?
**[08:34] (Flashback) Kuro**
So, regarding this bra situation...
**[08:40] (Flashback) Ono**
Well... it was about two weeks ago.
**[08:44] (Flashback) Ono**
Since I had been fired from my
old job, I was drunk off my ass,
**[08:47] (Flashback) Ono**
and on my way back to the apartment.
**[08:51] (Flashback) Ono**
That evening, it was weirdly hot.
**[08:54] (Flashback) Ono**
There was no breeze at all.
Just an overall creepy night.
**[08:58] (Flashback) Ono**
And when I glanced upward at random...
**[09:03] (Flashback) Ono**
There was a bra flying in the sky!
**[09:07] (Flashback) Ono**
You can imagine how shocked I was!
**[09:10] (Flashback) Ono**
And as disturbing a sight
as it was, I jumped after it!
**[09:15] (Flashback) Ono**
But when I caught it, I got the
feeling someone was watching me.
**[09:20] (Flashback) Ono**
So, despite being creeped out the entire time...
**[09:24] (Flashback) Ono**
I cast my gaze downward.
**[09:30] (Flashback) Ono**
And there he was! Between
the apartment and the wall!
**[09:34] (Flashback) Ono**
He was white as a sheet, and staring
at me with his eyes wide open!
**[09:39] (Flashback) Ono**
It was the ghost of a little boy!
**[09:43] (Flashback) Kuro**
I think that was probably just some
freshly pubescent neighborhood kid
**[09:48] (Flashback) Kuro**
who was flying a drone, actually.
**[09:51] (Flashback) Kuro**
He's been peeping on Kawado-san's
room pretty regularly.
**[09:55] (Flashback) Kuro**
I guess he's upgraded to stealing underwear.
**[09:58] (Flashback) Ono**
Don't you think that's the kind of thing
you should tell Kawado-san?!
**[10:01] (Flashback) Kuro**
More importantly, if you'd explained what
happened and returned the bra to Kawado-san,
**[10:06] (Flashback) Kuro**
wouldn't that have avoided any issues?
**[10:10] (Flashback) Ono**
Th-The thing is... I rushed
inside my room, terrified.
**[10:18] (Flashback) Ono**
And then I suddenly felt nauseous...
and the bra was there, so...
**[10:23] (Flashback) Ono**
Now, I did take it to the laundromat
to clean it the next day!
**[10:27] (Flashback) Ono**
But I realized... Wouldn't it be even
weirder if I returned it freshly washed?
**[10:31] (Flashback) Ono**
So I've been unable to give it back...
**[10:34] (Flashback) Kuro**
Ono-san... That doesn't explain
why you're wearing it, though.
***SIGN*** I want to be a ninja
**[10:46] News**
* Last night, a man was assaulted*
* on the street in 2-chome*
**[10:49] News**
*in Nerima Ward's Koinu neighborhood.*
**[10:53] News**
*The victim was seriously injured,*
**[10:54] News**
* and the police are treating the*
* incident as randomly targeted.*
**[10:55] (Flashback) Kawado**
So tired...
**[10:59] News**
*And now, our next story.*
**[11:00] (Flashback) Kawado**
That's close by.
***SIGN*** Late July 24th
**[11:06] Sasama**
Not getting a lot of pressure
out of my stream tonight...
**[11:12] Narrator**
Despite it being for a mission, he was
reluctant to grab another man's organ.
**[11:18] Narrator**
Thus, he would think back to the oden
he had eaten on his first day in Japan,
**[11:23] Narrator**
in order to better execute his task.
**[11:26] Narrator**
By imagining the penis as a
fried tofu pouch wiener roll,
**[11:30] Narrator**
he was able to dull his sense of revulsion...
**[11:33] Narrator**
But he soon realized his mistake.
**[11:37] Narrator**
The shaft that he had been imagining as a
piece of oden... was actually a piece of oden.
**[11:44] (Flashback) Foreigner**
He'll get behind me!
**[11:46] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Or not?!
**[12:00] (Flashback) Sasama**
Not moving the way I'd like to...
**[12:02] Foreigner**
*A ninja.*
**[12:04] Foreigner**
*I thought I would need three dicks, but...*
**[12:06] Foreigner**
*I've managed to make contact.*
**[12:09] Foreigner**
*What is this feeling of elation?*
**[12:11] Foreigner**
* Is it the joy of getting to fight a member*
* of the world's greatest league of killers?*
**[12:16] Sasama**
* A karambit knife?*
* Some Russian assassin, then?*
**[12:20] Foreigner**
* For a moment... even*
* if it was just a moment...*
**[12:23] Foreigner**
* That thrill was stronger than*
* my dedication to my daughter!*
**[13:13] Foreigner**
* I need to be cautious of*
* those tricky ninja moves.*
**[13:18] Foreigner**
* Gotta think of him as moving*
* in 3D, not just on a plane.*
**[13:40] (Flashback) Sasama**
Om anichi...
**[13:43] (Flashback) Sasama**
Marishiei...
**[13:46] (Flashback) Sasama**
Sowaka.
***SIGN*** He vanished?!
***SIGN*** But just the torso?!
***SIGN*** That must be ninjutsu...
***SIGN*** A camouflage technique, maybe.
***SIGN*** My attacks amounted to nothing...
***SIGN*** Ninja live up to their reputation.
***SIGN*** The same day, 8 hours prior
**[14:21] (Flashback) Kuro**
I'm not getting much from wearing this.
**[14:25] (Flashback) Kuro**
Bras really are more fun to take
off someone else than wear yourself.
**[14:29] (Flashback) Kuro**
Y'know, I've never had the desire
to steal one before...
**[14:33] (Flashback) Kuro**
Yet, once Ono-san was gone, I had the
urge to grab this without asking him.
**[14:37] (Flashback) Kuro**
Is it just their inherent charm?
**[14:41] (Flashback) Kato**
You seem bored.
**[14:49] (Flashback) Kato**
And you talk to yourself. A lot.
**[14:51] (Flashback) Kato**
You haven't spilled any classified
information like that, have you?
**[14:54] (Flashback) Kuro**
Of course not!
**[14:56] (Flashback) Kuro**
This is just... rehearsing
the kind of act to put on
**[14:58] (Flashback) Kuro**
when I want to play a weirdo
that people want distance from.
**[15:04] (Flashback) Kato**
So that hoodie was inside the
package I gave you last time?
**[15:09] (Flashback) Kuro**
Oh, right. Along with a high school uniform...
**[15:13] Kato**
*Looks like it's blade-proof and bulletproof.*
***SIGN*** Marishiten
**[15:18] Kato**
*Marishiten 4.0?*
**[15:26] (Flashback) Kuro**
So... want anything to drink?
**[15:29] (Flashback) Kato**
I'm not in the mood to be served
drinks by someone dressed like you.
**[15:32] (Flashback) Kato**
I want an update on the progress of your job.
**[15:35] (Flashback) Kuro**
Right.
**[15:36] (Flashback) Kuro**
After opening the package I received,
**[15:38] (Flashback) Kuro**
I discerned that the mission was
to infiltrate a high school...
**[15:41] (Flashback) Kuro**
So I've been on standby at home until
the entrance exam, which is this Saturday.
**[15:46] (Flashback) Kato**
I see. That means you've got
three days of free time, then?
**[15:51] (Flashback) Kato**
Have you heard of the Nerima Slasher?
**[15:53] (Flashback) Kuro**
Yeah, from the web.
Something about dicks getting cut off?
**[15:58] (Flashback) Kato**
Your job...
**[16:00] (Flashback) Kato**
is to dispose of him within three days.
**[16:08] Kuro**
* That career ninja froze for a*
* second when he saw the hoodie.*
**[16:13] Kuro**
*There must be something more to it.*
**[16:21] Kuro**
Om anichi marishiei sowaka.
**[16:29] Mako**
Ridiculous. Is that the
latest Marishiten model?
**[16:32] Mako**
The Metro PD's leaks were accurate.
**[16:34] Mako**
It only conceals the upper body,
with the rest being clear as day.
**[16:58] Kato**
Say, Ozu...
**[17:00] Kato**
You ever seen a Marishisten 4.0?
**[17:03] Ozu**
No. Don't they only go
to front-line operators?
**[17:07] Kato**
You'd think so.
**[17:10] Kato**
* Sasama-san was hinting*
* about this on that day...*
***SIGN*** September 9th
***SIGN*** July 25th
**[17:24] (Flashback) Junna**
Blue hoodie...
**[17:27] (Flashback) Junna**
A foreigner with blond hair and glasses...
**[17:30] (Flashback) Junna**
In a blue hoodie...
**[17:33] (Flashback) Sasama**
Whatcha looking for?
**[17:35] (Flashback) Junna**
None of your business, Mr. Breast Milk!
**[17:37] (Flashback) Sasama**
You been eating properly?
**[17:40] (Flashback) Junna**
Sure have. Steak, and pasta
Napolitan, and fried oysters...
**[17:44] (Flashback) Junna**
But the thing is, I'm on a diet.
**[17:47] (Flashback) Sasama**
A diet?
**[17:51] (Flashback) Sasama**
Little kids gotta eat, drink, and poop plenty!
**[17:55] (Flashback) Sasama**
Here, have some breast milk!
**[17:57] (Flashback) Junna**
Ew, there it is! The breast milk!
**[18:00] (Flashback) Sasama**
So a kid is looking for the foreigner...
**[18:04] (Flashback) Sasama**
But on whose orders?
**[18:11] (Flashback) Junna**
Blue hoodie, blond with glasses...
**[18:19] (Flashback) Junna**
I found the foreigner!
**[18:20] (Flashback) Junna**
Now he'll let me borrow the drone!
**[18:23] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Are you a ninja?
**[18:27] (Flashback) Junna**
I'm not a ninja. I'm playing hide-and-seek.
**[18:29] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Hide and... seek?
**[18:32] (Flashback) Junna**
I found you, Mr. Foreigner, so you lose!
**[18:36] (Flashback) Foreigner**
I lost?
**[18:37] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Yes, I have indeed lost. I even used a gun...
**[18:42] (Flashback) Foreigner**
But I wasn't able to defeat
a ninja in urban combat.
**[18:46] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Could you please bring me
my matsugo no mizu?
**[18:50] (Flashback) Junna**
What the heck is that?
Some water from Matsuko?
**[18:53] (Flashback) Foreigner**
No, it's... a last drink of water before dying.
**[18:59] (Flashback) Junna**
Sure, here you go.
**[19:05] (Flashback) Foreigner**
I feel alive again.
**[19:07] (Flashback) Junna**
Dying and reviving! You sure keep busy.
**[19:10] (Flashback) Foreigner**
How old are you?
**[19:15] (Flashback) Junna**
I'm ten.
**[19:17] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Ten years old...
**[19:19] (Flashback) Foreigner**
My daughter was just born recently.
**[19:24] (Flashback) Foreigner**
I wanted to watch her grow up.
**[19:28] (Flashback) Foreigner**
But... I doubt I'll ever see her again.
**[19:31] (Flashback) Junna**
Why?
**[19:32] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Because I failed my mission.
**[19:36] (Flashback) Foreigner**
The ninja won't let me escape...
**[19:39] (Flashback) Foreigner**
And my employers won't forgive my failure.
**[19:44] (Flashback) Junna**
But why?! Come on! It'll be okay!
**[19:47] (Flashback) Junna**
Just leave it to me!
**[19:49] (Flashback) Foreigner**
Th-Thank you, but...
please don't shake the shrine.
**[19:57] (Flashback) Kato**
It's good to see you again, Sasama-san.
**[20:01] (Flashback) Sasama**
Kato... Want some breast milk?
**[20:04] (Flashback) Kato**
No, thank you.
**[20:08] (Flashback) Kato**
Sasama-san...
**[20:10] (Flashback) Kato**
Why did you step down?
**[20:14] (Flashback) Sasama**
The fighting in Timbuktu was nasty.
**[20:18] (Flashback) Sasama**
Surrounded on all sides,
kilometers deep. Nowhere to run.
**[20:22] (Flashback) Sasama**
Kato, you're one of the few
people I trust to watch my back.
**[20:28] (Flashback) Sasama**
I thought having you guys at my back
would let me move forward,
**[20:32] (Flashback) Sasama**
so I opened the doors in front of me.
**[20:35] (Flashback) Sasama**
I kept doing that, and after every door,
there were only more doors. Never an exit.
**[20:42] (Flashback) Sasama**
It was depressing, Kato.
**[20:45] (Flashback) Sasama**
Have some breast milk. It's nutritious.
**[20:49] (Flashback) Kato**
Is this your way of criticizing
the organization?
**[20:54] (Flashback) Kato**
First Class Ninja Sasama.
**[20:58] (Flashback) Sasama**
Former, actually.
**[21:01] (Flashback) Sasama**
It's been seventy years
since the war ended,
**[21:03] (Flashback) Sasama**
but the Prime Minister still hasn't made
use of his priority command over us.
**[21:10] (Flashback) Sasama**
There are 290,000 police officers,
230,000 JSDF officers,
**[21:15] (Flashback) Sasama**
and 200,000 of us.
**[21:18] (Flashback) Sasama**
So how is it that over 90%
of our numbers are in Japan?
**[21:22] (Flashback) Sasama**
Why is it that the top of the Chunin class
have been recalled from overseas duty,
**[21:27] (Flashback) Sasama**
and stuck working on missions
inside our borders?
**[21:31] (Flashback) Sasama**
Why is a militarized organization of our size
not under civilian control by the government?
**[21:38] (Flashback) Kato**
UN.
**[21:41] (Flashback) Sasama**
Exactly. All of these questions
lead to the same thing.
**[21:52] (Flashback) Sasama**
Under Ninja.
**[22:02] Kato**
*Gone already.*
**[22:04] Kato**
*But things are starting to get dicey...*
**[22:12] Ozu**
Something wrong, Kato?
**[22:16] Kato**
No... It's nothing.
***SIGN*** Episode 3: "Boobs: So Close, Yet So Far"
**[23:55] Kuro**
Ono is apparently the 70th most
common family name in Japan.
**[23:58] Ono**
That's so half-assed...
Makes me wanna say, "Oh, no!"
**[24:02] Kuro**
Wow. That was annoying.
I think I'll tell her about the bra.
**[24:04] Ono**
Please, not that!
**[24:06] Kuro**
See, that was when you
should've said, "Oh, no!"
**[24:08] Ono**
You're a funny guy.