# E2 - Assault! Mr. Fukuma
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GZ7UV84V3/assault-mr-fukuma)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:03] ---**
"The War Chronicles of Ronaldo"
This is more interesting than I expected.
**[00:06] ---**
You were so full of yourself that you gave
me your autobiography when we first met,
**[00:09] ---**
but this isn't bad reading--
**[00:11] ---**
Sand...
**[00:14] ---**
I'll kill you.
**[00:15] ---**
It really is interesting.
**[00:17] ---**
Your experience as a hunter has translated
well into an entertaining novel.
**[00:22] ---**
Shut up. Your flattery is pissing me off.
**[00:26] ---**
By the way, I bought some Hokkaido
Special Select Milk. You can have it.
**[00:30] ---**
You're so easy.
**[00:31] ---**
If a pretty girl tries to sell you
a painting, don't buy it.
**[00:36] ---**
Who're you calling an easy mark, bastard?
**[00:39] ---**
Yes, this is Ronaldo--
**[00:40] ---**
This is Fukuma from Autumn Books.
**[00:47] ---**
"Autumn Books"
"Mr. Fukuma"
**[00:47] ---**
"Autumn Books"
"Mr. Fukuma"
Is the manuscript for *The War Chronicles
of Ronaldo* volume 2 ready yet?
**[00:50] ---**
Is the manuscript for *The War Chronicles
of Ronaldo* volume 2 ready yet?
**[02:30] ---**
Thanks to everyone reading
*The Ronaldo Chronicles*,
**[02:31] ---**
"Assault! Mr. Fukuma"
Thanks to everyone reading
*The Ronaldo Chronicles*,
**[02:33] ---**
"Assault! Mr. Fukuma"
a second volume is scheduled
to be released.
**[02:36] ---**
The manuscript for that was due today...
**[02:39] ---**
"Please don't look for me"
So I'm going to hide for a while.
**[02:41] ---**
"Please don't look for me"
Did you forget about it?
**[02:42] ---**
Shut up! I had a lot going on
because of you!
**[02:46] ---**
My only options now are to flee the
country or hide in a nuclear bomb shelter!
**[02:50] ---**
Apologize and start writing it
properly right now.
**[02:52] ---**
You can only say that because you don't
know what Mr. Fukuma's like when he's mad!
**[02:57] ---**
Is Mr. Fukuma the person
you were talking to earlier?
**[03:01] ---**
Yeah...
**[03:02] ---**
"Autumn Books"
"Editor - Fukuma"
Mr. Fukuma is the editor
for *The Ronaldo Chronicles*.
**[03:05] ---**
"Autumn Books"
"Editor - Fukuma"
He's still young, but he's capable and
confident. A top editor at Autumn Books.
**[03:08] ---**
He's still young, but he's capable and
confident. A top editor at Autumn Books.
**[03:09] ---**
What? He's too good for you.
**[03:12] ---**
His fighting style is Fist of the
South Star Editorial Battle-Axe.
**[03:14] ---**
His weapon is a battle-axe,
just like the name says.
**[03:17] ---**
What?!
**[03:18] ---**
Why does an editor have mastery
over such a scary fighting style?
**[03:22] ---**
Having mastery of martial arts and weapons
is a requirement to work for Autumn Books.
**[03:26] ---**
It's the policy of the whole company?!
**[03:29] ---**
Soon after I first met Mr. Fukuma,
**[03:31] ---**
I treated writing *The Ronaldo Chronicles*
as something I did in my free time...
**[03:36] ---**
Ronaldo, your progress on
the manuscript seems slow.
**[03:40] ---**
Oh, sorry! My day job's
been keeping me busy...
**[03:43] ---**
Is that so?
**[03:48] ---**
I am so very sorry...
**[03:51] ---**
You should meet your
deadlines for any job.
**[03:56] ---**
Ever since then, I decided that
I would never defy him again.
**[04:01] ---**
If he finds out I haven't
written anything yet,
**[04:03] ---**
he'll chop off even what's below
my underwear this time, and I'll die!
**[04:06] ---**
Even if I were to survive,
I'd be a woman starting tomorrow!
**[04:08] ---**
Oh, Ronalina...
**[04:08] ---**
"Ronalina"
Oh, Ronalina...
**[04:10] ---**
Stop with the Ronalina act.
**[04:11] ---**
I don't want to imagine it.
**[04:14] ---**
That's how it is, so--
**[04:15] ---**
"Ahhhh"
**[04:17] ---**
Sand!
**[04:18] ---**
--Y-Yes, this is Ronaldo!
--This is Fukuma.
**[04:20] ---**
How's the manuscript going?
**[04:22] ---**
Uh, yeah, well--
**[04:24] ---**
I can't wait to read your manuscript.
**[04:28] ---**
U-Um, what's that banging
sound in the background?
**[04:31] ---**
I'm testing the door of the
new iron maiden I bought.
**[04:35] ---**
He's gonna kill me!
**[04:37] ---**
I heard you've teamed up with a vampire,
**[04:39] ---**
so I'm looking forward to
reading about that, too.
**[04:42] ---**
U-Um, that's, uh--
**[04:46] ---**
A-Argh, what are you doing, Draluc?!
**[04:50] ---**
What's the matter, Ronaldo?
**[04:52] ---**
Draluc... He's attacking me--
**[04:57] ---**
Don't--
**[04:58] ---**
Don't worry about me or the manuscript!
**[05:01] ---**
Are you all right, Ronaldo?
**[05:03] ---**
I'm fine, but the manuscript--
**[05:05] ---**
I understand. I'll go over there right now
and chop down that vampire.
**[05:10] ---**
If I do that, I can have
the manuscript, right?
**[05:14] ---**
Huh?
**[05:19] ---**
Idiot! Why did you get me
involved?! Die by yourself!
**[05:22] ---**
Shut up! I wasn't expecting it
to turn out like this!
**[05:25] ---**
John, help me! Protect me!
**[05:28] ---**
Stop that! You're putting
John on the spot!
**[05:30] ---**
You don't have to sacrifice
yourself for him, John!
**[05:33] ---**
A-Anyway, once Mr. Fukuma
gets here, it'll be over for us!
**[05:37] ---**
We must figure out a plan to save us
from this hopeless situation!
**[05:40] ---**
This is just for temporary peace of mind,
but let's power up the eye-beam thing.
**[05:43] ---**
Why didn't you bring the dozens
you had with you?!
**[05:46] ---**
Quiet! You think of something, too!
**[05:49] ---**
U-Um, uh... um, um...
**[05:51] ---**
L-Light a bunch of fires around
the agency or something?
**[05:54] ---**
Trying to scare off animals?
**[05:55] ---**
Huh? Um, then, uh---
**[05:57] ---**
Cats! Get a bunch of cats
that are so cute that--
**[06:00] ---**
Calm down! Take a deep breath!
**[06:02] ---**
Actually, it'd be faster
if you ran away from here!
**[06:04] ---**
It doesn't matter where, just hide--
**[06:12] ---**
Hey.
**[06:13] ---**
I-Idiot, no. No one could get from Tokyo
to Shin-Yokohama that fast...
**[06:34] ---**
He's dragging his battle-axe!
**[06:37] ---**
It's *your* problem!
**[06:39] ---**
Hurry up and get out of here
and get chopped up!
**[06:41] ---**
"Ronaldo Vampire Hunter Agency"
"Everyone welcome"
*You* should be a decoy!
**[06:42] ---**
"Ronaldo Vampire Hunter Agency"
"Everyone welcome"
Ronaldo Junior isn't gonna regenerate!
**[06:45] ---**
Sand!
**[06:48] ---**
A-A blackout!
**[06:50] ---**
Oh, no! The eye-beam thing
went into sleep mode!
**[06:53] ---**
Flashlight! Flashlight!
**[06:56] ---**
Hey, if you can't see,
then don't keep moving around--
**[06:59] ---**
Wait! Since I can see in the dark,
I can run away by myself!
**[07:04] ---**
Farewell, Ronaldo!
I'm abandoning you!
**[07:13] ---**
If I use a light, then he'll
figure out where I am.
**[07:17] ---**
Damn it, where's Mr. Fukuma?
**[07:19] ---**
Ronaldo, over here.
**[07:22] ---**
What's over there?
**[07:25] ---**
I got him, Mr. Fukuma!
**[07:31] ---**
How very kind of you.
**[07:35] ---**
Now, Ronaldo, can I have your manuscript?
**[07:39] ---**
M-Mr. Fukuma...!
**[07:41] ---**
How dare you betray me, Draluc!
**[07:45] ---**
Vampires are supposed to betray hunters.
**[07:47] ---**
Besides...
**[07:49] ---**
Mr. Fukuma said they had extra games
in the editorial department I could have,
**[07:52] ---**
so I couldn't help myself.
**[07:53] ---**
A vampire shouldn't be lured by things!
**[07:56] ---**
And anyway, there's no way
you could hold me down!
**[08:01] ---**
Oh, yeah, I forgot!
**[08:04] ---**
Sorry, Mr. Fukuma! I can't die yet!
**[08:07] ---**
Please wait another two weeks
for the manuscript!
**[08:14] ---**
Hey, wai--
**[08:28] ---**
"Groan..."
**[08:32] ---**
Now, you can work there
until you finish writing it.
**[08:36] ---**
Oh, so that's how you use this.
**[08:43] ---**
"Falling Like Flowers in Shin-Yokohama"
**[08:47] ---**
The cell culture experiment was a success.
**[08:50] ---**
All that's left is to see
how effective this is...
**[08:52] ---**
"Vampire Research Center"
"Director - Yomotsuzaka"
All that's left is to see
how effective this is...
**[09:10] ---**
Hey, Ronaldo. About my pay--
**[09:13] ---**
Huh?
**[09:14] ---**
Do I get it the following month?
Is it a fixed salary with commission?
**[09:17] ---**
What?!
**[09:18] ---**
How much do I get this
month? About 500,000?
**[09:21] ---**
What?!
**[09:23] ---**
What you're saying is so crazy
I don't know where to even start!
**[09:26] ---**
There's no way you're
getting a single yen! Idiot!
**[09:32] ---**
Sand...
**[09:34] ---**
Stop messing around!
**[09:35] ---**
What are you gonna do to my plan
to rebuild Castle Draluc?!
**[09:35] ---**
"2 Trillion Yen Savings Box"
What are you gonna do to my plan
to rebuild Castle Draluc?!
**[09:38] ---**
"2 Trillion Yen Savings Box"
Even if you make 500,000 yen a month,
it'll take 330,000 years to fill that!
**[09:42] ---**
"2 Trillion Yen Savings Box"
Do you realize that?!
**[09:43] ---**
Before talking about salary or whatever,
**[09:45] ---**
maybe you should do some
work, damn small fry!
**[09:47] ---**
Va...! Vampire!
**[09:49] ---**
What now?
**[09:51] ---**
Hello, this is Ronaldo.
**[09:53] ---**
Ronaldo, are you free?
**[09:56] ---**
A vampire just appeared.
Come give me a hand.
**[10:02] ---**
Thanks, Ronaldo.
Everyone's busy tonight.
**[10:05] ---**
What kind of vampire is it?
**[10:07] ---**
"Vampire Hunter"
"'Left Hand of Iron' Satetsu"
**[10:07] ---**
"Vampire Hunter"
"'Left Hand of Iron' Satetsu"
A vampire captured by the Vampire
Research Center ran away.
**[10:12] ---**
Apparently, it's a vampire
that can control plants.
**[10:16] ---**
We should hurry up and hunt it down.
**[10:19] ---**
Don't get in the way by mistake, Dralu--!
**[10:24] ---**
The guy that was with you
put that up earlier and went away...
**[10:27] ---**
Tell me if he does that!
**[10:29] ---**
I-I didn't know if it was
something I should tell you...
**[10:36] ---**
You don't take me seriously. That's why I
was able to steal a march on you, Ronaldo.
**[10:40] ---**
I, Draluc, will hunt down the inferior
vampires around there before you do.
**[10:44] ---**
When I do...
**[10:46] ---**
I underestimated you!
**[10:48] ---**
Yes.
**[10:49] ---**
Sorry, Ronaldo.
I'll be an overnight hero!
**[10:53] ---**
It's not just the compensation.
**[10:54] ---**
Making the whole agency mine
isn't too much to dream of.
**[10:57] ---**
When that happens-- What the--?
**[10:59] ---**
Grade Schooler Tackle!
**[11:01] ---**
Sand...
**[11:03] ---**
All right! I defeated the bad vampire!
**[11:06] ---**
Good job, Shin!
**[11:08] ---**
Like taking candy from a baby.
**[11:10] ---**
Yeah!
**[11:11] ---**
Who are you people?!
**[11:14] ---**
We are...
**[11:16] ---**
...the Shin-Yokohama Boy Hunters!
**[11:19] ---**
We heard that a bad vampire appeared.
**[11:22] ---**
So we came to defeat him!
**[11:24] ---**
And so--
**[11:25] ---**
Grade Schooler Stomping!
**[11:28] ---**
Stop that!
**[11:29] ---**
You've got the wrong vampire!
I'm not a bad vampire.
**[11:33] ---**
I'm actually a super cool
vampire who helps hunters!
**[11:41] ---**
What is it?
**[11:42] ---**
Shh! Be quiet.
**[11:43] ---**
Your playing around
lured out the real one.
**[11:47] ---**
This isn't a small fry. It's a superior
vampire--a vampire lord.
**[11:53] ---**
He smells like a compatriot.
**[11:57] ---**
My compatriot, who bares his fangs
at humans! Come, show yourself!
**[12:15] ---**
My foolish compatriot,
who works with humans...
**[12:24] ---**
"Vampire - Nudenium"
I am the vampire, Nudenium.
**[12:29] ---**
I will bury this town in flowers.
If you get in my way...
**[12:33] ---**
...I will not go easy on you!
**[12:37] ---**
That? That smells like your compatriot?!
**[12:40] ---**
I take it back! I take it back!
**[12:43] ---**
Damn it, don't get scared!
Guys, Formation Delta!
**[12:47] ---**
They're running away!
**[12:48] ---**
You're not as popular as I thought!
**[12:49] ---**
Shut up!
**[12:51] ---**
Oh? Will you hold your ground?
Interesting. I like you, compatriot.
**[12:56] ---**
And you, boy!
**[12:57] ---**
Don't like me! Don't like me!
**[12:59] ---**
I'm sorry for trying to sound fancy,
but will you stop calling me "compatriot"?
**[13:04] ---**
First, I'll "plant" you two!
**[13:20] ---**
Now, swallow this seed.
**[13:22] ---**
No way!
**[13:24] ---**
If you swallow it,
you will become of my blood,
**[13:27] ---**
and you will be able to inherit my power.
**[13:29] ---**
No way!
**[13:31] ---**
I can't take it anymore!
**[13:32] ---**
I don't want to get more involved
with this guy than I already am!
**[13:35] ---**
Even if you lose your
nerve now, it's too late!
**[13:39] ---**
Special Move: Swift Blossom Running!
**[13:45] ---**
He got around us! He's really fast
and hard to deal with!
**[13:49] ---**
If it's come to this, we have
no choice but to fight, Damn Kid!
**[13:52] ---**
How are we supposed to fight *that*,
Damn Weak Old Man?
**[13:54] ---**
Quiet!
**[13:56] ---**
Draw him close for an instant!
I'll surprise him and bite him!
**[14:02] ---**
Listen, with vampires,
**[14:04] ---**
whoever has stronger blood
can control the other.
**[14:08] ---**
If my blood is superior,
then I can control that guy.
**[14:11] ---**
What if you can't?
**[14:13] ---**
Yo-ho!
**[14:15] ---**
We'll be made to swallow that
seed and end up like this.
**[14:17] ---**
I'd rather die!
**[14:20] ---**
He's here! Draw him to you somehow!
**[14:23] ---**
Take this! Grade Schooler Sand Attack!
**[14:26] ---**
Impudent child.
**[14:28] ---**
I won't fall for that!
**[14:34] ---**
What?!
**[14:46] ---**
Damn Weak Old Man...?
**[14:57] ---**
You almost got me.
**[15:00] ---**
Now, become of my bloo--
**[15:17] ---**
Damn it.
**[15:19] ---**
I caught something gross.
**[15:23] ---**
R-Ronaldo, well done!
**[15:26] ---**
What do you mean, "well done"?
Going off on your own like that!
**[15:31] ---**
Oh, but I worked pretty hard
this time, don't you think?
**[15:38] ---**
Well, I guess it wasn't bad for you.
**[15:41] ---**
That's right! Now, pay me for my work!
I think about 1,000,000 yen should do it.
**[15:46] ---**
Okay, fine. I'll give you payment in kind!
**[15:48] ---**
No thanks.
**[15:52] ---**
I didn't think it'd work so well.
**[15:55] ---**
It's just a nutritional supplement.
**[16:00] ---**
Here we go.
**[16:03] ---**
Oh, my, it's gone completely wild.
**[16:12] ---**
"Can a Bang on the Wall Kill Him?"
**[16:15] ---**
"Can a Bang on the Wall Kill Him?"
What the hell? Why is the lid
of your coffin on the floor?!
**[16:16] ---**
What the hell? Why is the lid
of your coffin on the floor?!
**[16:18] ---**
Ouch! Look, there's blood!
**[16:20] ---**
Your blood? That doesn't
sound very appetizing.
**[16:24] ---**
I'll kill you!
**[16:25] ---**
Don't be angry.
**[16:26] ---**
For a vampire, what's most delicious
is the lifeblood of a young virgin.
**[16:31] ---**
I'm mad about the lid!
**[16:33] ---**
I *have* only been drinking milk recently.
**[16:36] ---**
It's about time I have some
blood that's full of life.
**[16:38] ---**
Oh, I want to take a bite out
of a girl with a pretty nape.
**[16:42] ---**
If you say that outside, you'll be
arrested before getting hunted down.
**[16:46] ---**
Excuse me!
**[16:48] ---**
Yes, coming!
**[16:51] ---**
Hello there.
**[16:53] ---**
Is this the residence of a Mr. Ronaldo?
**[16:56] ---**
Is this voluntary? Should I call a lawyer?
**[16:59] ---**
Did you do something
you should be arrested for?
**[17:03] ---**
Unfortunately, we did not
come here today to arrest you.
**[17:07] ---**
I'm Hinaichi from the Kanagawa Prefectural
Police Vampire Control Division.
**[17:11] ---**
"Vice-Captain - Hinaichi"
**[17:11] ---**
"Vice-Captain - Hinaichi"
Hunter Ronaldo, I have come
to investigate your vampire.
**[17:17] ---**
The Vampire Control Division...
**[17:20] ---**
We'll leave you to it, then.
**[17:22] ---**
Thanks for bringing me here.
**[17:24] ---**
Well? What are you
planning to investigate?
**[17:27] ---**
"Vampire Danger Levels"
"Earthworm - Leave it alone"
Well? What are you
planning to investigate?
**[17:29] ---**
"Vampire Danger Levels"
"Earthworm - Leave it alone"
You'll just see that the idiot is at
the same level as an earthworm.
**[17:31] ---**
"Vampire Danger Levels"
"Earthworm - Leave it alone"
It's just to be safe.
**[17:33] ---**
For example,
**[17:34] ---**
has he said anything dangerous that would
indicate a desire to harm humans?
**[17:38] ---**
You guys sure are sticklers for the rules.
**[17:40] ---**
Nothing like that would even
cross that idiot's mi--
**[17:43] ---**
He's said it before!
**[17:44] ---**
Oh, I want to take a bite out
of a girl with a pretty nape.
**[17:47] ---**
He was totally saying something that
would cause a human harm earlier!
**[17:50] ---**
"Suspension of Business"
This is bad! If she hears that, it could
drag me down and ruin my life, too!
**[17:54] ---**
Damn it, why did Vamp Control
have to send a *girl*?
**[17:58] ---**
And she's pretty cute, too!
What are they playing at?
**[18:00] ---**
"That Idiot"
And she's pretty cute, too!
What are they playing at?
**[18:00] ---**
"That Idiot"
If he sees her, that idiot will
100% let something slip.
**[18:04] ---**
I can't let them meet.
**[18:06] ---**
I can feel the bad end coming
if he gets even one glimpse of her.
**[18:10] ---**
What should I do?
**[18:11] ---**
I have to do something before
they meet... Something...!
**[18:17] ---**
I'll kill him! I'll kill that idiot
before they meet!
**[18:20] ---**
To do that, I have to keep the girl
here somehow... and kill that guy!
**[18:27] ---**
What's the matter? Hurry up
and let me see that vampir--
**[18:30] ---**
Whoops, I slipped!
**[18:33] ---**
Secret Technique: Hunter Wall Slam!
**[18:36] ---**
Wh-What are you doing out of the blue?
What are you trying to do?
**[18:40] ---**
Draluc should've died with the
vibrations that went through the wall.
**[18:43] ---**
Hey, are you listening?
**[18:45] ---**
How was it?
**[18:51] ---**
--I failed!
**[18:52] ---**
--At what?!
--I failed!
**[18:53] ---**
What do you mean, you failed?
**[18:55] ---**
Don't tell me you're hiding
something about that vampire!
**[19:00] ---**
If that's the case--
**[19:01] ---**
Secret Technique: Hunter 16-Beat Stomp!
**[19:04] ---**
What are you doing?!
**[19:06] ---**
Well... There was a bug crawling around,
so I was trying to trample it.
**[19:09] ---**
Why do you keep looking like
you've accomplished something?
**[19:12] ---**
It was an ultimate move to kill him
with the vibrations in the floor, but...
**[19:17] ---**
Maybe vibrations aren't good enough?!
**[19:20] ---**
In the first place, it's hard
to tell if he's died or not.
**[19:24] ---**
John!
**[19:27] ---**
What, is that your armadillo?
**[19:30] ---**
Um, well...
**[19:32] ---**
I was worried for a second.
But it's a good chance--
**[19:35] ---**
There, there, John...
**[19:37] ---**
I need a favor. Give Lord Dral
a little punch and kill him for me.
**[19:43] ---**
S-Sorry! I was kidding! I-I'm sorry!
S-Sorry about that, John.
**[19:47] ---**
Will you just make a little ball for me?
That's all you need to do.
**[19:52] ---**
And then, with this garlic...
**[19:56] ---**
Secret Technique: Hunter Throw-In!
**[19:58] ---**
'Madillo!
**[19:59] ---**
If John unrolls in the other room, then...
**[20:03] ---**
...Draluc will die from
the smell of garlic!
**[20:05] ---**
Sorry, John! I'm really sorry!
Do your best!
**[20:14] ---**
John!
**[20:16] ---**
John...!
**[20:18] ---**
What's all the racket about?
**[20:22] ---**
Stop messing around!
What are you trying to...?
**[20:32] ---**
--Dral--
--Oh, what a beautiful lady.
**[20:33] ---**
--Oh, what a beautiful lady.
**[20:36] ---**
I apologize for Ronaldo's rudeness.
**[20:44] ---**
I am honored to make your acquaintance.
Did you have business with me?
**[20:51] ---**
Huh?
**[20:53] ---**
Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What is this vampire doing?!
**[20:57] ---**
F-Fine! That hunter wasted my time
today with his strange behavior!
**[21:01] ---**
I will return another day!
Wait for what's coming to you!
**[21:07] ---**
You... What was that earlier
that set my teeth on edge?
**[21:10] ---**
What are you talking about?
I was just being polite to a lady.
**[21:15] ---**
My, her blood seemed
delicious--she was cute.
**[21:19] ---**
Maybe if we become friends,
she'll let me have a sip.
**[21:22] ---**
I look forward to her return!
**[21:24] ---**
You *are* thinking dangerous thoughts!
**[21:27] ---**
What dangerous thoughts? I--
**[21:30] ---**
Hm?
**[21:33] ---**
It stinks!
**[21:34] ---**
Sand!
**[21:38] ---**
S-Sorry. Really, I'm so sorry, John.
**[21:45] ---**
I said I'm sorry...
**[21:51] ---**
Those of my blood believe
**[21:53] ---**
the human society convenient and
useful to us should be preserved.
**[21:57] ---**
In other words,
it seems fun, so we'll help.
**[21:58] ---**
"Protectors of humans
who fight in the night"
In other words,
it seems fun, so we'll help.
**[22:01] ---**
That's how it is.
**[22:03] ---**
I'll risk my life to beat you,
damn bastard!
**[22:07] ---**
The vampire dies in no time.