E7 - The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:40] ---
    Some tea. Here.
[00:42] ---
    Oh, thanks.
[00:52] ---
    It's good.
[00:56] ---
    Here.
[00:57] ---
    Thank you, Miss Asahina.
[01:01] ---
    Haruhi created the SOS Brigade
    in May. It's already June.
[01:06] ---
    Meanwhile, I was involved...
[01:08] ---
    ...in an incident that's like
    the world getting sudden calf cramps.
[01:12] ---
    That aside, this episode
    goes something like this.
[01:16] ---
    Guys!
[01:17] ---
    We're going to enter a baseball tournament!
[01:18] ---
    Ninth All-City Amateur Baseball Tournament
[01:20] ---
    From that day till today,
    nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
[01:24] ---
    We were enjoying a moment
    of peace and boredom.
[01:28] ---
    But it seems that was just
    a fleeting moment. Why?
[01:32] ---
    Because when she has that great smile...
[01:35] ---
    ...I somehow end up completely fatigued.
[01:47] ---
    The answer is always in my heart.
[01:54] ---
    The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
[02:01] ---
    I don't know why, but I chose you.
[02:08] ---
    It won't stop now. Mr. Destiny deemed it so.
[02:14] ---
    I believe it's boring to just mimic.
[02:20] ---
    You'll be right, so I'll do what I feel as I feel it.
[02:29] ---
    It's an adventure, right, right?
[02:31] ---
    In this world where truth becomes fiction.
[02:36] ---
    We become stronger
    because we have dreams...
[02:40] ---
    ...not for the sake of someone.
[02:43] ---
    Please come with me.
[02:46] ---
    See me and my endlessly free self.
[02:52] ---
    Today's present that becomes
    tomorrow's past is the miracle.
[02:58] ---
    Let's grab the future.
[03:04] ---
    I believe you...
[03:15] ---
    What did you say?
[03:17] ---
    This.
[03:21] ---
    Ninth All-City Amateur Baseball Tournament...
[03:21] ---
    The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya
[03:25] ---
    And who'll enter this
    "sandlot" baseball tournament?
[03:28] ---
    Us of course!
[03:30] ---
    Am I included in that "us"?
[03:32] ---
    We need to find four more people.
[03:36] ---
    As usual, opposing voices don't reach her ears.
[03:40] ---
    Do you know baseball's rules?
[03:42] ---
    Of course I know that.
[03:44] ---
    I learned the basics
    when I tried out for the baseball team.
[03:49] ---
    It wasn't fun at all, so I went home.
[03:51] ---
    If you think baseball's boring,
    why enter this tournament?
[03:56] ---
    It's our chance to
    show the world our existence!
[03:59] ---
    If we win, the SOS Brigade's name
    might take on a life of its own!
[04:05] ---
    It's a good opportunity!
    It's a nice idea, right, Mikuru?
[04:09] ---
    B-But...
[04:10] ---
    See? Isn't baseball great?
[04:13] ---
    Our goal is the championship!
[04:15] ---
    We can't drop a single one.
    Because I hate losing.
[04:22] ---
    Got that?
[04:23] ---
    That's nice.
[04:24] ---
    Don't agree with that calm look.
[04:26] ---
    Why don't you oppose her for once?
[04:29] ---
    I think it's a saner activity
    than walking around...
[04:32] ---
    ...in search of aliens and UMAs.
[04:36] ---
    So when is this tournament?
[04:38] ---
    This Sunday.
[04:39] ---
    In two days? That's just way too sudden!
[04:42] ---
    But I already applied.
[04:44] ---
    Oh, don't worry. I used
    "SOS Brigade" as the team name.
[04:49] ---
    I made sure I didn't miss anything there.
[04:51] ---
    Where do you plan
    to find the other four players?
[04:55] ---
    I just have to grab bored people
    walking around the area.
[04:59] ---
    She really means that.
[05:01] ---
    All right. You stay put.
[05:04] ---
    I think Taniguchi and Kunikida have time...
[05:07] ---
    That'll do.
[05:08] ---
    Haruhi thinks of her classmates as objects.
[05:11] ---
    Let's see... Two more...
[05:14] ---
    Um, if you don't mind, I have a friend...
[05:18] ---
    That's fine.
[05:18] ---
    Apparently, anyone's fine.
[05:20] ---
    Wait... Miss Asahina's friend?
[05:23] ---
    I'm a bit curious.
    Friend from when and where?
[05:26] ---
    It's fine. She's from this time...
[05:30] ---
    She's a friend I met in class.
[05:32] ---
    Then I'll ask someone who's
    been curious about our activities...
[05:37] ---
    I'll do something about it.
[05:39] ---
    Then time for special training!
[05:42] ---
    Special training? Starting now?
[05:44] ---
    Yeah.
[05:45] ---
    Where?
[05:46] ---
    Over there!
[05:51] ---
    And so we got roped into
    entering a baseball tournament.
[05:55] ---
    Why? The answer is simple.
[05:59] ---
    It was because Haruhi was just bored.
[06:05] ---
    Hey, can we borrow this area?
    And baseball equipment too.
[06:09] ---
    What's that?
[06:11] ---
    We need rush baseball practice.
    You're in the way, so leave.
[06:15] ---
    Like we would.
[06:17] ---
    A little bit won't hurt. Right, Mikuru?
[06:23] ---
    Um...
[06:26] ---
    Adolescence is easy to identify.
[06:29] ---
    Now, we'll start with
    catching a thousand grounders!
[06:40] ---
    The future of the
    SOS Brigade rides on that ball.
[06:44] ---
    Grab it!
[06:45] ---
    This is the first time I've heard
    our futures were on a small ball...
[06:58] ---
    One more! Mikuru, here it comes!
[07:05] ---
    That hurts...
[07:11] ---
    Are you all right? Can you stand?
[07:15] ---
    Kyon, no. If you're friendly
    with me, it will happen again...
[07:21] ---
    Damn it, Kyon, Mikuru!
    Get back to position!
[07:24] ---
    She's out with an injury!
[07:26] ---
    That's enough. Next.
[07:28] ---
    The baseball team.
[07:30] ---
    Why us?
[07:37] ---
    All right! That's it for today!
[07:42] ---
    What a surprise. She really did
    hit a thousand exactly.
[07:46] ---
    I'm more surprised that you counted them.
[07:50] ---
    Hey, Nagato...
[07:51] ---
    Can you make it rain
    the day of the tournament?
[07:55] ---
    Strong enough to cancel it?
[07:57] ---
    It's not impossible, but I would not advise it.
[08:01] ---
    Why?
[08:01] ---
    Alteration of regional climate...
[08:04] ---
    ...could leave an aftereffect
    on the planet's ecosystem.
[08:07] ---
    In how many years?
[08:09] ---
    Several hundred to
    ten thousand years from now.
[08:13] ---
    Then best we not do so.
[08:16] ---
    Right.
[08:22] ---
    And so, the tournament day arrived.
[08:25] ---
    It didn't have to...
[08:30] ---
    So you're Kyon?
    I hear a lot about you from Mikuru.
[08:35] ---
    I see...
[08:36] ---
    This is my friend, Miss Tsuruya.
[08:39] ---
    I'm Taniguchi! Nice to meet you.
[08:42] ---
    I'm Kunikida.
[08:43] ---
    Well, I couldn't say no
    to my good friend Kyon.
[08:47] ---
    Oh, brother...
[08:47] ---
    Taniguchi and Kunikida... I'll remember that.
[08:49] ---
    Kyon.
[08:51] ---
    Come over here.
[08:54] ---
    What are you thinking?
[08:55] ---
    Making someone like her play baseball?
[08:59] ---
    "Like her" is kind of rude.
    That's my little sister.
[09:02] ---
    She introduced herself
    as a ten-year-old fifth grader.
[09:06] ---
    She's so honest that it's hard
    to believe she's your sister.
[09:10] ---
    But we're in a general baseball
    tournament, not little league.
[09:15] ---
    I know, Haruhi.
[09:17] ---
    That's why I brought my sister.
[09:20] ---
    There's nothing clinching this,
    but Haruhi's doing this.
[09:23] ---
    If we're champions by mistake,
    it'll definitely be problematic.
[09:27] ---
    With a fifth grader in the ranks,
    it'd be insane for us to win.
[09:33] ---
    Fine.
[09:34] ---
    It's a perfect handicap.
    A decisive win would be bad.
[09:38] ---
    She's serious about winning.
[09:44] ---
    By the way, what about choosing
    batting order and field positions?
[09:48] ---
    I thought it out already.
[09:51] ---
    Deciding this way is fine, right?
[09:53] ---
    One for batting order, one for position.
[09:55] ---
    And I'm the pitcher and first batter.
[09:59] ---
    All you decided was how to figure it out?
[10:01] ---
    What, got a problem? It's a democratic method.
[10:05] ---
    In ancient Greece, they chose officials by lot.
[10:08] ---
    Don't compare ancient Greek elections
    to this in modern Japan.
[10:13] ---
    And only you get what you want.
    How's that democratic?
[10:21] ---
    I hear we face a college team,
    the Kamigahara Pirates, first.
[10:26] ---
    They're the tournament's favored team.
[10:28] ---
    Games with ten-run leads are called.
[10:31] ---
    So it's not too early
    to start packing up to go home now.
[10:37] ---
    Play ball!
[10:53] ---
    That pitch wasn't impressive.
[10:55] ---
    Follow in my footsteps!
[11:00] ---
    I hope to do...
[11:02] ---
    Strike!
[11:04] ---
    What kind of pitch is that?
[11:06] ---
    If he hits her, it's an
    instant fight! A party of a fight!
[11:11] ---
    Strike!
[11:12] ---
    Mikuru!
[11:13] ---
    Like this! You swing it with a bang!
[11:16] ---
    Strikeout!
[11:18] ---
    Hey, why didn't you swing the bat?
[11:21] ---
    Strike!
[11:22] ---
    Strike!
[11:23] ---
    Strikeout!
[11:25] ---
    Yuki! You won't
    hit the ball if you don't swing!
[11:29] ---
    Kyon, you'd better hit the ball!
    You're batting fourth!
[11:32] ---
    What do you expect from
    a fourth batter chosen by number?
[11:37] ---
    Strike!
[11:38] ---
    Haruhi hit this to the outfield?
[11:41] ---
    Strike!
[11:50] ---
    Strikeout!
[11:52] ---
    What are you doing, idiot?
[11:53] ---
    Much regret.
[11:57] ---
    Let's get our guard up!
[11:58] ---
    Yeah!
[12:03] ---
    Play!
[12:06] ---
    Strike!
[12:10] ---
    Strike!
[12:12] ---
    Strikeout!
[12:14] ---
    Nice pitching!
[12:15] ---
    Easy! So easy!
[12:23] ---
    Foul ball!
[12:39] ---
    She throws balls straight into the strike zone...
[12:41] ---
    All right, all right!
[12:42] ---
    ...so they'll hit them once they find out.
[12:45] ---
    And our defense is as torn up
    as an anthill in a savanna...
[12:49] ---
    ...a complete sieve!
[12:51] ---
    Nice catch!
[12:51] ---
    The fact only two runs were scored...
[12:54] ---
    ...must mean the other team's
    goddess of victory is late.
[12:57] ---
    I'm impressed!
[12:57] ---
    I'm sure everyone wants to relax on Sunday.
[12:59] ---
    SOS Brigade
[12:59] ---
    Kamigahara Pirates
[13:00] ---
    Strikeout!
[13:00] ---
    The top of the second inning went by quickly.
[13:04] ---
    And in the bottom,
    we easily allowed extra runs.
[13:07] ---
    It seems we can end this next inning.
[13:12] ---
    Out!
[13:13] ---
    It's rather tough...
[13:15] ---
    It's all I can do just to hit it with the bat.
[13:19] ---
    Looks like I need it after all.
[13:22] ---
    Hey, time out!
[13:26] ---
    H-Hold on...
[13:28] ---
    Miss Suzumiya, d-don't!
[13:30] ---
    Come on, get out of that and change already!
[13:36] ---
    You look good...
    Mikuru, can I take pictures?
[13:40] ---
    I wonder if a ponytail would be better...
[13:47] ---
    Now, cheer.
[13:48] ---
    Um, how should I?
[13:50] ---
    Like this!
[13:52] ---
    Now, say it with a loud voice!
[13:54] ---
    E-Everyone, please hit the ball!
    I beg you to do your best!
[14:00] ---
    Yeah! Leave it to me!
[14:02] ---
    Strikeout!
[14:03] ---
    I can't hit it.
[14:05] ---
    It's all right. I wasn't counting on you.
[14:22] ---
    Safe!
[14:23] ---
    Mikuru, make sure to hit the ball this time!
[14:25] ---
    Mikuru! Go for it!
[14:26] ---
    Miss Asahina!
[14:31] ---
    Strike!
[14:32] ---
    Mikuru! Like this!
[14:35] ---
    What's she doing?
[14:37] ---
    Is she lowering the opposing
    pitcher's magic points?
[14:40] ---
    It seems like she's giving a blocking sign.
[14:43] ---
    We made signs?
[14:45] ---
    No, but she's most likely
    signaling for a squeeze.
[14:51] ---
    A three-bunt-squeeze sign with two outs?
[14:54] ---
    Even senile directors
    would make better calls than that.
[14:58] ---
    In other words, since the chance
    she'll hit the ball is nearly zero...
[15:03] ---
    ...if we catch the opposing team
    off guard with a crazy squeeze...
[15:07] ---
    ...an infielder might
    cause an error to happen...
[15:10] ---
    ...and perhaps the thought is
    Miss Asahina can somehow bunt.
[15:17] ---
    But they totally know.
[15:20] ---
    Strike!
[15:22] ---
    Strikeout!
[15:23] ---
    Mikuru, come over here and grit your teeth!
[15:27] ---
    Punishment.
[15:28] ---
    Let everyone see this interesting face.
[15:31] ---
    Please stop...
[15:33] ---
    Are you an idiot?
[15:35] ---
    It's your fault for giving that vague sign.
[15:38] ---
    Why didn't you try stealing home?
[15:50] ---
    Things aren't looking good.
[15:52] ---
    I don't wanna know, but go.
[15:54] ---
    An enclosed space larger
    than any other is forming.
[15:58] ---
    It seems to be spreading at an alarming rate.
[16:02] ---
    It'll keep growing unless
    Miss Suzumiya's mood improves...
[16:05] ---
    ...and you-know-what will keep destroying.
[16:08] ---
    Because we're losing? What nonsense.
[16:13] ---
    You talk as if you're uninvolved,
    but you're greatly involved in this.
[16:18] ---
    Because of how we decided
    the batting order by picking numbers.
[16:22] ---
    As a result, you ended up fourth.
[16:25] ---
    I'm not pleased.
[16:26] ---
    You're the fourth batter because
    Miss Suzumiya wished it so.
[16:30] ---
    It's no coincidence.
[16:32] ---
    And since you're not performing
    like one, she feels despair.
[16:37] ---
    Well, sorry.
[16:38] ---
    In any case, let's do our best so
    they don't call the game this inning.
[16:43] ---
    If it ends here, it's the equivalent of
[16:46] ---
    this world ending.
[16:48] ---
    Hey, we're starting now!
[16:49] ---
    We must limit this inning
    to two runs no matter what.
[16:57] ---
    Two outs, men on first and second.
[17:00] ---
    SOS Brigade
[17:00] ---
    Kamigahara Pirates
[17:00] ---
    It's zero to nine now.
[17:02] ---
    One more run and the game's called.
[17:07] ---
    It's coming this way!
[17:10] ---
    Make it in time! Make it in time!
[17:13] ---
    Amazing!
[17:15] ---
    Nice play! You're pretty good!
[17:16] ---
    That's my pal!
[17:23] ---
    Continuing our chat...
[17:25] ---
    Too close. What?
[17:27] ---
    When you went to that
    other world with Miss Suzumiya...
[17:30] ---
    ...how'd you return?
[17:32] ---
    Don't make me remember.
[17:34] ---
    If you use that trick,
    perhaps things will go well again.
[17:38] ---
    I decline.
[17:39] ---
    I thought you'd say that.
[17:41] ---
    Then let's win this game instead.
[17:44] ---
    Our pros and cons probably match hers.
[17:51] ---
    Miss Nagato is finally...
[17:53] ---
    Something wrong with her?
[17:55] ---
    She's casting a spell.
[17:57] ---
    A spell? What's that?
[18:00] ---
    Let's see... Classified information.
[18:04] ---
    A spell, huh...
[18:18] ---
    Amazing! Where'd you hide
    such great powers?
[18:22] ---
    I changed its elemental boost information.
[18:25] ---
    What's that?
[18:26] ---
    Homing mode.
[18:29] ---
    It's flying really far!
[18:31] ---
    I see. Homing mode, huh...
[18:33] ---
    Jeez, there's a limit to
    how random things can get...
[18:44] ---
    Things are gonna get bad
    at this rate. In all sorts of ways.
[18:50] ---
    That's enough.
[18:52] ---
    I see.
[18:54] ---
    Strike!
[18:56] ---
    I had forgotten, but the first round
    has a 90-minute time limit.
[19:01] ---
    There's no next inning.
[19:02] ---
    If we can hold them off, we win.
[19:05] ---
    Is it okay to win?
[19:07] ---
    It's necessary.
[19:10] ---
    Thanks to this...
[19:11] ---
    ...the widening of the
    enclosed space has been halted.
[19:15] ---
    But if they rally, the game ends.
[19:18] ---
    If so, it's useless to think about
    how Haruhi's mood will be.
[19:22] ---
    I have a plan.
[19:25] ---
    You're serious?
[19:26] ---
    Dead serious.
[19:28] ---
    That's the only way we have left
    of keeping the runs down.
[19:33] ---
    Oh, brother...
[19:38] ---
    Ball.
[19:39] ---
    Hey, do it for real!
[19:41] ---
    We swapped too, so if we lose,
    you're treating everyone!
[19:44] ---
    I know.
[19:46] ---
    After all, the fate of the entire world
    is resting on my pitching.
[19:50] ---
    This world's gotten to be a cheap place.
[19:57] ---
    Strike!
[19:57] ---
    With this "mysterious ball" (I named it)...
[20:00] ---
    ...it looks like the world will be
    spared from certain destruction.
[20:05] ---
    S-Strike two!
[20:07] ---
    Strikeout!
[20:09] ---
    The next batter struck out in three pitches...
[20:11] ---
    Strikeout!
[20:13] ---
    ...and the last batter now has two strikes.
[20:15] ---
    Strike two!
[20:16] ---
    Kyon, decide this with the next pitch!
[20:19] ---
    This would decide things anyway.
[20:21] ---
    Sorry, Kamigahara Pirates.
[20:26] ---
    Lucky!
[20:27] ---
    It's an error, Nagato!
    Pick up the ball and throw it!
[20:33] ---
    Hurry!
[20:39] ---
    Second!
[20:39] ---
    Over here!
[20:41] ---
    Huh?
[20:45] ---
    I'm terribly sorry.
[20:46] ---
    We have slightly less
    common sense than normal.
[20:50] ---
    G-Game set!
[20:53] ---
    Thanks to Nagato's magical cheating,
    we were able to win...
[20:57] ---
    What should we do for the second round?
[21:00] ---
    I'd pity the Pirates if we
    went to the second round like this.
[21:03] ---
    Besides...
[21:05] ---
    Actually, I need to go help
    my comrades out soon.
[21:09] ---
    We'll be short a member...
[21:11] ---
    Let's forfeit.
[21:12] ---
    That sounds good.
[21:14] ---
    It seems it's a bad thing
    to keep Miss Suzumiya bored.
[21:18] ---
    This leaves us with something
    to ponder for the future.
[21:21] ---
    You've had enough fun, right?
[21:23] ---
    Koizumi has a sudden errand...
[21:26] ---
    ...and my legs and arms
    are tattered and torn.
[21:35] ---
    If you're fine with it, then sure.
[21:38] ---
    I'm hungry anyway, so let's go eat lunch.
[21:41] ---
    Sure, sure.
[21:43] ---
    Thank you...
[21:45] ---
    Not at all...
[21:46] ---
    Well, see you.
[21:48] ---
    Oh, you know...
[21:49] ---
    That bat...
[21:54] ---
    You're Yuki Nagato?
[21:54] ---
    I didn't realize I had
[21:56] ---
    I heard a lot about you.
[21:56] ---
    a knack for baseball myself.
[21:58] ---
    All of you, eat up! This is Kyon's treat!
[22:02] ---
    Oh, well...
[22:03] ---
    I ended up with unexpected income anyway.
[22:06] ---
    I wish the best for the Kamigahara Pirates.
[22:20] ---
    Sorry I'm late!
[22:23] ---
    Hey, which one's better?
[22:24] ---
    Soccer Tournament
[22:24] ---
    American Football Tournament
[22:25] ---
    Soccer and football...
    How many people do we need?
[22:29] ---
    Is what we had enough?
[22:31] ---
    As I watch Haruhi's perfect smile...
[22:34] ---
    ...I was thinking about
    which sport required fewer people.
[22:38] ---
    Football... No, keep it
    at gateball [Japanese croquet]!
[22:49] ---
    If we figured out the globe
    like we would a riddle...
[22:55] ---
    ...we could all go anywhere together.
[22:58] ---
    To the end of time, BOOOON!
[23:01] ---
    This feeling that is a warp and a loop.
[23:05] ---
    With an imagination that engulfs
    anything and everything, let's play.
[23:11] ---
    Something on one sunny day,
    more fun than any magic possible...
[23:16] ---
    ...endlessly pours down. It's not impossible.
[23:22] ---
    When we meet again tomorrow,
    we're all humming as we smile.
[23:28] ---
    Let's gather happiness. Such a thing is so easy.
[23:33] ---
    Chase after me. Try to catch it.
[23:38] ---
    A big dream... You like dreams, right?