E7 - A Masterful Cat Is Able to DIY

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Oshiro
    That meeting was way too long!
[00:09] Yuri
    My stomach almost grumbled!
[00:12] Oshiro
    Fukuzawa, yours definitely did.
[00:15] Saku
    Did you hear it?
[00:17] Saku
    Sorry.
[00:19] Saku; Internal
    I mean...
[00:21] Saku; Internal
    I kept thinking about
    the lunch box waiting for me!
[00:23] Narration
    Today's Yukichi special.
[00:25] Saku
    Thank you for the meal!
[00:32] Saku
    Wh-What?
[00:33] Oshiro
    Are you trying to show off your homemaking
    skills with your lunch boxes, Fukuzawa?
[00:37] Yuri
    Maybe you're aiming for a super
    high-spec marriage partner?
[00:40] Oshiro
    Once again, your lunch looks amazing.
[00:42] Saku
    No, no, no! Not at all!
[00:45] Yuri
    So you're really making
    lunches like that for fun?
[00:48] Oshiro
    But you want to get married, right?
[00:52] Saku
    Marriage?
[00:55] Yuri
    That's the face of someone who
    isn't thinking about things at all..
[00:59] Oshiro
    You're going to miss your chance if you keep
    picking at your lunch without thinking about things.
[01:02] Yuri
    How was that singles party you went to?
[01:06] Oshiro
    Actually, my friends and I ended up
    going to a city-sponsored singles event.
[01:11] Yuri
    How'd it go?!
[01:12] Oshiro
    Well...
[01:14] Saku; Internal
    Marriage?
[01:20] Saku
    As incompetent as I am...
SIGN    The Masterful Cat
    Is Depressed Again Today
SIGN    Can
SIGN    A Masterful Cat Is Able to DIY
SIGN    A Masterful Cat Is Able to DIY
SIGN    Can
[03:01] Saku; Internal
    Marriage?
[03:05] Saku
    As incompetent as I am...
[03:08] Saku; Internal
    A marriage with Yukichi by my side?!
[03:15] Husband
    Thank you for making my lunch box today!
[03:18] Husband
    You even ironed my shirt for me.
[03:21] Husband
    You're such a masterful cat!
[03:28] Husband
    I don't mind going through with the divorce,
    but I can't live without Yukichi.
[03:34] Saku
    No way!
[03:35] Saku
    Yukichi is my cat! Don't be ridiculous!
[03:39] Husband
    Yukichi has also told me he doesn't want to
    go back to living off of your meager salary.
[03:45] Husband
    Make sure to send that to the ward office.
[03:50] Saku
    Yukichi! Yukichi!
[03:55] Saku
    No marriage! I won't hand my Yukichi over!
[03:58] Yuri/Oshiro
    Huh?
[03:59] Yuri/Oshiro
    Yukichi bills? It's about money?!
[04:01] Saku
    What a terrifying thought!
[04:05] Oshiro
    So, what kind of man are you
    looking for, Yuri-chan?
[04:08] Yuri
    Me?
[04:10] Yuri
    I have a father complex, so I'd like
    a tolerant older man who'd spoil me rotten.
[04:18] Yuri
    Being rich would be a plus.
[04:20] Yuri
    I hope he'll take the lead
    with chores around the house
[04:24] Yuri
    and forgive me for being
    bad at cleaning up.
[04:29] Yuri
    Oh! It'd also be amazing if he'd make lunches for me!
[04:32] Yuri
    A kind of motherly man who'd say,
    "Make sure to eat vegetables, too."
[04:37] Oshiro
    I totally get you.
[04:39] Saku; Internal
    Lunch...
[04:40] Yuri
    Even though I know that kind
    of dream man doesn't exist!
[04:44] Saku
    No, they might be more
    common than you think...
[04:47] Yuri/Oshiro
    Huh?!
[04:48] Saku; Internal
    I have one at home myself.
[04:52] Saku; Internal
    He's a cat, though.
[04:53] Narration
    Epitome of the tolerant homemaker.
[05:13] Saku
    If...
[05:15] Saku
    Hypothetically, okay?
[05:18] Saku
    If a person with double my salary
    came and said they wanted you...
[05:25] Saku
    Yukichi, would you...?
[05:28] Saku
    No hesitation?!
[05:30] Saku
    Y-You heartless cat!
[05:32] Saku
    Shouldn't you have wavered
    for at least three seconds?!
[05:45] Saku
    Your ability to toss me aside so decisively
    after thinking that deeply is cruel, too!
[05:49] Saku
    I've decided!
[05:51] Saku
    I'm going to earn some qualifications!
    I'll increase my salary!
[05:57] Saku
    It's time to sleep?!
[05:59] Saku
    I'm not a growing child!
[06:01] Saku
    There are times when an adult
    has to do what they have to do!
[06:18] Saku
    D-Don't get me wrong!
[06:19] Saku
    I just happen to be sleepy today!
[06:23] Saku
    Starting tomorrow, I'm totally
    gonna pull all-nighters!
[06:28] Saku; Narration
    I was asleep in three seconds.
[06:41] Narration
    Now, consider this.
[06:44] Narration
    The metallic sounds that can be
    faintly heard in the darkness...
[06:47] Narration
    Could they be the sound of samurai
    ghosts walking throughout the village,
[06:53] Narration
    creating supernatural chaos?
[06:56] Narration
    When we reviewed the video
    recording of the night before...
SIGN    Village of Samurai Ghosts
SIGN    The mysterious metallic sounds—!!
[07:06] Narration
    Thursday Horror Special.*
[07:08] Narration*
    Be sure to catch us again next week.
[07:12] Saku
    I-It wasn't that scary.
[07:18] Saku; Internal
    What should I do?!
    That scared the crap out of me...
[07:21] Saku; Internal
    Why'd I say I wanted to watch it again?!
[07:24] Saku
    What should we watch?
[07:26] Saku
    Oh! Horror Special's on?
[07:29] Saku; Internal
    No, Yukichi seemed interested,
    so I couldn't help myself!
SIGN    Following
     unconsciously
[07:36] Saku
    Huh? Huh?!
[07:39] Saku
    Oh, no! It's nothing!
[07:42] Saku
    Oh, yeah! Beer!
[07:44] Saku
    I want a beer! A beer!
[07:46] Saku; Internal
    Maybe I won't be scared if I'm drunk!
[07:51] Bath Monitor
    Your bath has been drawn.
[07:53] Saku
    No!
[07:54] Saku
    No, no, no! Beer!
[07:55] Saku
    I'll take a bath after a beer!
[07:57] Saku
    I promise I won't sleep in the tub!
[08:00] Saku
    It's no use! He has zero trust in me!
[08:06] Saku
    I don't wanna! I don't wanna!
[08:08] Saku
    Then, I'm not taking a bath today!
[08:09] Saku
    I'll skip the bath, drink a beer, and sleep!
[08:17] Saku
    Hold on.
[08:18] Saku
    Why did you have something like this on you?
[08:25] Saku; Internal
    This is bad.
[08:28] Saku; Internal
    He's treating me more
    and more like a little kid.
[08:31] Saku; Internal
    If he finds out that
    I'm too scared to take a bath
[08:34] Saku; Internal
    because I watched a horror show...
[08:36] Saku; Internal
    I'll lose all my respect as a pet owner!
[08:39] Narration
    There wasn't any to begin with.
[08:42] Saku; Internal
    Who's scared of samurai ghosts?
[08:55] Saku
    Ouch!
SIGN    Hangers
SIGN    Scale
[08:58] Saku; Internal
    Bad!
[08:59] Saku; Internal
    This is really bad!
[09:00] Saku; Internal
    Am I so terrified that
    I'm having hallucinations?!
[09:03] Saku; Internal
    I should just wash my hair and hurry out!
[09:07] Saku; Internal
    Don't think about anything. Forget it all.
[09:10] Saku; Internal
    Who cares about some samurai ghosts!
[09:12] Saku; Internal
    What if I look up and there's
    a ghost in the mirror?!
[09:16] Saku; Internal
    It's no use!
[09:17] Saku; Internal
    Why do I keep thinking of horror cliches?!
[09:21] Saku; Internal
    An adult shouldn't be scared
    of something like this!
[09:23] Saku; Internal
    Probably!
[09:28] Narration
    Planning to have her step
    on it once she comes out.
[09:34] Saku
    Yeah, it was a nice bath...
[09:38] Saku
    Sorry for being so noisy.
[09:42] Saku
    Anyways, I should have a beer...
[09:48] Saku
    I've warmed up. I'm fine. I'm fine.
SIGN    Gulp
[09:58] Saku
    So cold!
[10:04] Saku
    L-Looks like chugging the beer
    made me a little cold?
[10:09] Saku
    Yukichi, let's go to bed!
[10:12] Saku
    I-I mean, it'll be warm
    if we sleep together!
[10:24] Saku; Internal
    I should stop thinking
    about it and go to bed.
[10:28] Saku; Internal
    It's okay. I'm an adult.
[10:31] Saku; Internal
    Three seconds is all I need to fall asleep.
[10:44] Saku; Internal
    I'm an adult! I'm an adult!
    I'm an adult! I'm an adult! I'm...
[10:50] Saku; Internal
    What's that sound?
[10:52] Saku; Internal
    So scary! I can't sleep!
[10:57] Saku; Internal
    Did Yukichi go and take a look?
[11:09] Saku; Internal
    He's not coming back.
[11:13] Saku
    Yukichi?
[11:19] Saku
    Yukichi?
[11:31] Saku
    Wh... Wh-Wh-Wh-What're you doing?!
[11:42] Saku
    I can't! I can't! I can't!
[11:43] Saku
    I can't forget what I just saw!
SIGN    Daiginjo
[11:49] Saku; Internal
    He's going to make me forget!
[11:51] Saku
    Come to think of it, you did that a lot
    when you were a kitten.
[11:57] Saku
    You could just pour some out to drink.
[11:59] Saku
    There's no need to hide something like that.
[12:02] Saku
    You should act more freely at home.
[12:06] Saku
    It's important to be a little
    careful outside, though.
[12:09] Saku
    I want you to be more
    relaxed at home, Yukichi.
[12:15] Saku
    Oh, and...
[12:17] Saku
    That ghost show left me terrified, but then
     you surprised all the fear right out of me.
[12:22] Saku
    I thought I'd never fall asleep...
[12:25] Saku
    Wait, don't get the wrong idea! 
    I wasn't that scared of it!
[12:29] Saku
    I know that it's all fake re-enactments!
[12:32] Saku
    Jeez! Another cup!
[12:33] Saku
    Make some snacks, too!
[12:58] Saku
    Sorry, was I being loud?
[13:01] Saku
    I was looking at something on Ista
    my work junior showed me recently.
[13:05] Saku
    She said that looking at a cat owner's account
    makes you feel like you're taking care of a cat.
[13:14] Saku
    No, no. That's not it!
[13:15] Saku
    Of course you're a cat, Yukichi!
[13:17] Saku
    You're a cat, but...
[13:18] Saku
    Oh, that café au lait looks good!
SIGN    Tremble
[13:20] Saku
    U-Um!
[13:22] Saku
    The chief has been asking me
    about you lately!
[13:27] (Flashback) Saku
    Y-Yes! He's doing great!
[13:30] Orizuka; Internal
    Someone who lives a place
    filled with trash has a cat?
[13:33] Orizuka; Internal
    Is she taking care of it right?
[13:36] Saku
    I think he's wondering if I've been
    taking good care of you, like my mom...
[13:41] Saku
    The chief seems to like cats.
[13:44] Saku
    That's why I'm looking
    at various cat owner accounts.
[13:48] Saku
    I'm hoping I look a little less suspicious
[13:50] Saku
    if I manage to make cats
    part of my daily life.
[13:55] Saku
    Wh-What's wrong?
[13:57] Saku
    What are you warming up for?
[14:01] Saku
    A-Are you going to show me
    something a regular cat would do?!
[14:07] Saku
    Y-Yukichi!
[14:10] Saku
    Oh! That's the scratching post
    I've never seen you use!
[14:15] Saku
    I just finished watching a clip
    of a cat that had to be rescued
[14:18] Saku
    because its claws got stuck in one!
[14:23] Narrator
    Lute-playing priest.
[14:27] Saku
    I knew it...
[14:30] Saku
    Yeah. Well, Yukichi is Yukichi.
[14:35] Saku
    You don't need to force
    yourself to act like a regular cat.
[14:41] Saku
    What are you doing now?
[14:43] Saku
    Oh! Could this be the skill
[14:45] Saku
    where a cat walks through a bunch of items
    without knocking any over?!
[14:47] Narration
    Weave...
[14:49] Saku
    What? Can you really do it?!
[14:52] Saku
    But your legs are bigger
    than a regular cat's!
[14:56] Saku
    Okay! Then, give it a try!
SIGN    Plum Pulp
SIGN    Japanese Mustard
SIGN    Tap Tap
    Shf Ta-Tap Ta-Tap
SIGN    Tap Tap
[15:06] Saku
    Yeah. That's amazing...
[15:08] Saku
    It's amazing, but it doesn't
    look cat-like at all!
[15:12] Saku
    Wait, what is that?
[15:14] Saku
    What even is a regular cat? What's normal?!
[15:16] Saku
    I don't know anymore.
SIGN    Cat Labyrinth
[15:18] Saku
    Could it be that regular cats
    are actually imaginary creatures?!
[15:23] Saku
    I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail in seconds
    if the chief asks me about cats again.
[15:28] Saku
    There's no point in looking
    at all these Ista reels.
[15:32] Saku
    Look at...
[15:39] Saku
    Huh?! Are you puffing out your cheeks?!
[15:42] Saku
    Do cats have cheeks that work like that?
[15:43] Saku
    Stop!
[15:44] Saku
    I'm getting more and
    more confused about cats!
[15:50] Saku
    Oh, but there's one thing I completely
    agree with other cat owners about!
[15:55] Saku
    No matter how cute other cats are, I always
    end up thinking my cat is the cutest.
[16:05] Saku
    Well, that's the only one though...
[16:14] Saku
    Yay!
[16:15] Saku
    If only I could talk about
    the delicious food my cat makes for me!
[16:19] Saku
    I'd be able to go on and on!
[16:26] Saku
    Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!
[16:28] Saku
    I need to leave in three minutes!
[16:30] Saku
    Sorry, Yukichi!
[16:31] Saku
    I'm just going to take the coffee...
[16:44] Saku
    Y-Yukichi! I'm sorry!
[16:46] Saku; Internal
    He's gonna cluck his tongue again!
[16:48] Saku
    Huh?
[16:52] Saku
    He broke?!
[16:53] Saku
    Sorry!
[16:54] Saku
    I'm sorry for being so airheaded!
[16:56] Saku
    I deeply regret my actions! P-Please!
[17:01] Saku
    Please stay calm!
[17:03] Saku
    He's gone mad!
[17:05] Saku
    Wh-What are you doing?!
[17:07] Saku
    Wait, does wallpaper
    normally come off so easily?
[17:10] Saku
    Huh?
[17:11] Saku
    The wallpaper is still there!
[17:13] Saku
    There are two layers?!
[17:16] Saku
    Did you know that something
    like this would happen one day?
SIGN    Removable Wallpaper
     Rental Friendly
[17:22] Saku
    You're a genius!
[17:23] Saku
    The very picture of the perfect renter!
[17:24] Saku
    The guardian deity of security deposits!
[17:27] Saku
    And I know that this is
    the worst timing ever!
[17:30] Saku
    But I'm really gonna be late!
[17:31] Saku
    I need to go! I'm so sorry!
[17:33] Saku
    I'm heading out!
[17:45] Narration
    Apply pressure.
[17:49] Narration
    Apply pressure again.
[17:53] Narration
    And repeat.
[17:55] Narration
    Cut away.
[17:59] Narration
    Reapplication complete.
[18:32] Narration
    Perfect.
[18:34] Train Announcer
    We appreciate everyone's cooperation.
[18:38] Saku
    I'm home, Yukichi!
[18:39] Saku
    Sorry about what happened this morning!
[18:41] Saku
    I brought a lot of cans of cat food
    home as an apology...
[18:45] Saku
    Completely renovated?!
[18:48] Saku
    Wh-Where'd this cabinet come from?!
[18:51] Saku
    This door is made from wooden slats!
[18:53] Saku
    The shelf that used to be here...
[18:55] Saku
    You made it into something else?!
[18:57] Saku
    Are you some kind of artisan?!
[19:01] Saku
    He looks intoxicated!
[19:03] Saku
    He's intoxicated with his own capabilities!
[19:05] Saku
    Well, he really is talented after all.
[19:11] Saku
    This is so nice!
[19:13] Saku
    I feel like I'm in heaven compared
    to the hell of this morning.
[19:16] Saku
    This doesn't even feel
    like my place anymore.
[19:27] Saku
    Oh! Yeah, another serving!
[19:31] Saku
    Thanks...
[19:33] Saku; Internal
    I feel like the place gets nicer
    every time I make a mess.
[19:38] Saku; Internal
    But I better keep that thought
    to myself for my own safety.
[19:54] Yukichi
    A turbulent room creates a turbulent heart.
[19:58] Yukichi
    And so, as a masterful cat,
[20:02] Yukichi
    daily cleaning is a must.
[20:04] Yukichi
    Diligent decluttering is also key.
[20:08] Yukichi
    However...
[20:08] Yukichi
    Even so!
[20:10] Yukichi
    If you clean and declutter to the extreme...
[20:13] Yukichi
    Only a utilitarian room
    like a prison cell will remain.
[20:18] Yukichi
    Only a mediocre cat would do such a thing!
[20:21] Yukichi
    A home is a place one returns to
    for rest and recovery.
[20:26] Saku
    Home!
[20:28] Yukichi
    While filth is unacceptable,
[20:30] Yukichi
    a place too minimalist will not soothe the soul.
[20:33] Yukichi
    Especially for my worthless human,
    whose mind is made of tofu.
[20:34] Saku
    Tofu brain...
[20:40] Saku
    I don't wanna go to work...
[20:42] Yukichi
    Healing is a crucial factor
    for her in a home.
[20:46] Yukichi
    Without passing the threshold of chaos,
[20:48] Yukichi
    a fine balance must be maintained.
[20:51] Yukichi
    The lighting and interior design
    must also be carefully considered.
[20:58] Yukichi
    All carefully considered, but...
[21:02] Yukichi
    Instead of breeding diligence,
[21:04] Yukichi
    she seems to be accelerating
    down the path of indolence.
[21:10] Yukichi
    Why is this the result?
[21:14] Saku
    I don't think I can ever leave here again.
[21:21] Saku
    I should take the day off...
[21:25] Yukichi
    It seems her environment
    still requires improvement.
[21:30] Yukichi
    I'll go out and take a look at some
    aromatherapy oils to try today.
SIGN    ° Aromatherapy oils are dangerous for normal cats.
    Please be careful.
[21:33] ---
    I can't breathe...
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:07] Yukichi
    I am a masterful cat.
[23:10] Yukichi
    A masterful cat knows.
[23:13] Yukichi
    Boosting the parasympathetic nervous
    system makes rest more efficient.
[23:19] Yukichi
    It slows your body down
    and puts it into recovery mode.
[23:23] Yukichi
    Stretching before bedtime and soaking
    in a lukewarm bath are effective.
[23:27] Yukichi
    Conversely, accumulating stress
    is counterproductive.
[23:31] Yukichi
    Next episode: "A Masterful
    Cat Has a Lot of Worries."
SIGN    Can
SIGN    A Masterful Cat Has a Lot of Worries
[23:35] Yukichi
    How stressful.