The House Spirit Tatami-chan
Cute but rude! Tatami-chan is a crazy-cute heroine taking on the ghosts, spirits, and even humans residing in the Tokyo metropolitan area in the new Reiwa era! Oshikiri's unique style is on full display in this thrilling horror-gag comedy, coming soon!

Season 1

E1 - Tatami-chan's a Tokyoite Now
Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:00] Narrator
    She comes from Tohno to Tokyo,
    where she's always wanted to live.
[00:03] Narrator
    Tatami-chan is a zashikiwarashi,
    a spirit that brings happiness.
[00:08] Narrator
    How will she fare in the big city,
    having moved from the countryside?
[00:15] Tatami
    So this is the Tokyo that 
    I've always wanted to see.
[00:17] Tatami
    I hope I'll do all right here.
SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 1: "Tatami-chan's a Tokyoite Now"
[00:25] Tatami
    Starting today, I'm living in this one-room
    apartment with a rent of 50,000 yen.
[00:29] Tatami
    Here goes!
[00:31] Tatami
    Wait, this property's haunted?!
[00:33] Tatami
    I got ripped off!
[00:35] Ghost
    'Sup? I look forward to getting to know you.
[00:38] Tatami
    No, don't you "'sup" me.
[00:39] Tatami
    Pay half the rent if you're
    going to room with me.
[00:42] Ghost
    I don't have money.
[00:43] Tatami
    Work, damn it! Work!
[00:44] Tatami
    You won't pass on, you won't work...
    You're a hopeless ghost!
[00:48] Ghost
    So mean...
[00:50] Tatami
    And who are you?!
[00:52] Landlady
    I am the landlady here.
[00:54] Landlady
    I came to see if you're
    using the room properly.
[00:56] Tatami
    Hey, landlady!
[00:57] Tatami
    There's a ghost living here!
[00:59] Landlady
    A ghost? I don't know what
    you're talking about.
[01:01] Tatami
    Don't try to act dumb, lady!
[01:03] Landlady
    Stop with the slander.
[01:04] Ghost
    Slander! Slander!
[01:07] Tatami
    I just moved to Tokyo!
    I'm still nervous, too!
[01:10] Landlady
    Well, my condolences to you.
[01:11] Ghost
    Damn you!
[01:13] Landlady
    I suspect you'll have a
    hard time here in Tokyo.
[01:16] Landlady
    Say, do you know where Hachiko-mae is?
[01:19] Tatami
    Hachiko, what?
[01:21] Ghost
    Do you know what Shibuya Hikarie is?
[01:23] Tatami
    Hika... Hika... What?
[01:25] Landlady
    Do you know where the
    Tokyo Olympics are being held?
[01:28] Tatami
    Aren't they holding the
    Tokyo Olympics in Tokyo?
[01:31] Landlady
    This is the problem with country bumpkins.
[01:33] Landlady
    How amusing.
[01:35] Tatami
    I heard people in Tokyo are cold,
    but you're downright nasty.
[01:39] Landlady
    I'm not sure this tiny little girl
    is going to survive in Tokyo.
[01:42] Tatami
    Don't you dare underestimate me, damn it!
[01:44] Bouzu
    Are you the new face?
[01:46] Bouzu
    You haven't even said hi to
    your neighbors, you disgrace.
[01:48] Landlady
    Tickling Priest-san.
[01:50] Tatami
    You people just barge into
    my room unannounced.
[01:52] Tatami
    Who the hell is this old fart?!
[01:54] Bouzu
    Where's your modest gift for your neighbors?
    You lack common sense!
[01:57] Bouzu
    I'll tickle the hell out of you!
[01:59] Bouzu
    Tickle, tickle...
[02:01] Landlady
    Oh, my, that looks uncomfortably tickly.
[02:02] Ghost
    Curse you! Curse you!
[02:04] Tatami
    Freaking hell!
[02:05] Tatami
    Tokyo is as scary as they say.
[02:07] Tatami
    You're all insane!
[02:09] Ghost
    That's right, Tokyo is scarier than any ghost.
[02:12] Bouzu
    Indeed.
[02:13] Bouzu
    I've seen ghosts and monsters of all kinds,
    but the humans of Tokyo are beyond terrifying.
[02:17] Tatami
    Yeah? Good for you.
[02:19] Tatami
    I already hate all of you.
[02:21] Landlady
    How unfortunate.
[02:22] Bouzu
    Say, who are you, anyway?
[02:25] Tatami
    I'm Tatami-chan the house spirit.
[02:27] Tatami
    I'm a god of fortune.
    I bring people happiness.
[02:30] Landlady
    I have a hard time believing this
    little girl can make people happy.
[02:33] Bouzu
    Are you going to make us rich?
[02:35] Tatami
    I sure am.
[02:36] Tatami
    You'll be thanking me soon enough.
[02:39] Ghost
    Will I be able to pay off my debts?
[02:41] Tatami
    You have debts?
[02:42] Landlady
    Will I meet a lovely man?
[02:45] Tatami
    Sure you will, eventually.
[02:46] Landlady
    Don't go talking out your ass!
[02:48] Tatami
    Oh, that's how you want to talk?
[02:50] Tatami
    Your whole year's going to suck.
[02:52] Landlady
    Wait, please.
[02:53] Tatami
    It's going to be totally dull.
[02:56] Bouzu
    Is this little girl really
    a god of happiness?
[02:59] Tatami
    You don't believe me?!
[03:01] Ghost
    You laughed at me, just now!
[03:03] Bouzu
    It's hard to believe.
[03:05] Tatami
    Leave it to me, and you can be rich
     or even run Japan's economy.
[03:10] Landlady
    That's some big talk.
[03:12] Landlady
    I hope you aren't lying.
[03:13] Tatami
    Don't underestimate me!
[03:15] Tatami
    I'll show you what I'm made of.
[03:17] Bouzu
    Oh? Let's see what you've got, then.
[03:20] Landlady
    I can't wait.
[03:22] Narrator
    Tatami-chan the house spirit
    has moved to Tokyo.
[03:27] Narrator
    What will her life there be like?

E2 - You Shall Not Pass, Tatami-chan
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 2: "You Shall Not Pass, Tatami-chan"
[00:04] Narrator
    In the human world,
    people flow in a certain way.
[00:09] Narrator
    The city has its own flow, as well.
[00:12] Narrator
    Going against that flow is strongly frowned
    upon, and can put your life in danger.
[00:17] Narrator
    Huh. Tatami-chan, who's only
    been in Tokyo for a week,
[00:23] Narrator
    seems to be confused at the station gate.
[00:25] Narrator
    What has her so confused?
[00:31] Tatami
    Yo, what is this? There's no place
    for me to put the ticket in.
[00:34] A
    Move, damn it!
[00:35] B
    You're in the way!
[00:36] C
    I'll smack you, wretched brat!
[00:38] Tatami
    Sheesh, I'm taking a lot of heat.
[00:44] Tatami
    I should be able to ride the train
    as long as I have this ticket.
[00:47] Tatami
    Why can't I go through?
[00:48] Tatami
    Why? Why? Why?
[00:50] Tatami
    Is it made so that only
    Tokyoites can go through?
[00:53] D
    Standing in the way...
[00:54] E
    I'm going to shove my fingers
    up your ass, moron!
[00:56] Tatami
    No, no, no, I can't take it!
[00:58] F
    Why are you hanging around here whining?
[01:01] Tatami
    I just want to ride the
    train with this ticket.
[01:04] Tatami
    There's no slot for the ticket
     on this machine.
[01:07] F
    You can't get through the ticket gate?
[01:09] Tatami
    Hey! You laughed!
[01:12] F
    Poor thing.
[01:13] F
    You must not be qualified
    to go through the gate.
[01:16] Tatami
    I need to be qualified
    to go through the gate?
[01:19] F
    The humans of Tokyo are exhausted
    by the concrete jungle.
[01:23] F
    You don't look exhausted enough.
[01:26] Tatami
    I have to be tired to go
    through the ticket gate?
[01:29] F
    You need to look like you're fed up
     and worn down by society.
[01:32] F
    Can you do it?
[01:33] Tatami
    Like this?
[01:34] F
    Hey, not bad.
[01:36] F
    Try it now.
[01:37] F
    You'll see the ticket slot now.
[01:40] Tatami
    Hey! I don't see the ticket slot!
[01:43] Tatami
    You lied to me!
[01:45] F
    Country bumpkins are so gullible.
[01:47] F
    Goodbye.
[01:48] Tatami
    Damn it, he was messing with me.
[01:49] Tatami
    I can't believe I'm getting screwed
    by this stupid ticket gate!
[01:52] Priest
    What are you doing, Tatami-chan?
[01:54] Tatami
    Tickling Priest.
[01:56] Tatami
    You came at a good time.
[01:57] Tatami
    This ticket gate won't take my ticket
     and I don't know what to do.
[02:01] Priest
    That's what's wrong? 
    Take a good look.
[02:02] Priest
    There are two kinds of gates: one for
    pass cards and another for tickets.
[02:07] Tatami
    Wait, where?
[02:09] Tatami
    Wow, I never noticed.
[02:11] Priest
    Tatami-chan, tickets are passé.
[02:13] Priest
    Every Tokyoites has a pass card.
[02:16] Tatami
    I see.
[02:17] Tatami
    So that'll let me go through
    the ticket gates smoothly.
[02:21] Priest
    Look, you can buy a pass card
    from the station attendant over there.
[02:25] Tatami
    Thank you belly macho, Tickling Priest-san.
[02:27] Tatami
    Station attendant, one pass card please!
[02:30] Attendant
    One pass card, coming right up!
[02:32] Tatami
    I bought one.
[02:33] Priest
    Now touch your card against that panel
     and it will let you through.
[02:35] Tatami
    All right, let's give this a shot!
[02:38] Tatami
    Hey!
[02:39] G
    Keep your card loaded, dammit!
[02:39] H
    You're so freaking slow!
[02:41] Priest
    The passenger in front of you
    forgot to put money on his card.
[02:44] Tatami
    All right, once more!
[02:46] Tatami
    Jeez!
[02:47] I
    I'mma kill you!
[02:48] J
    Yo, do you not have money?
[02:49] Priest
    It happens.
[02:51] Priest
    It's annoying, huh?
[02:52] Tatami
    Again!
[02:53] Priest
    You're out of luck today.
[02:54] Tatami
    Damn it, guy, what the hell are you doing?
[02:57] Priest
    Don't do that, Tatami-chan.
[02:58] Priest
    You'll become just like
    the cranky Tokyoites.
[03:01] Tatami
    I can't get used to the
    flow of things in Tokyo.
[03:05] Priest
    All right, let's use brute force.
[03:07] Priest
    I'm going to tickle these people. Go!
[03:10] K
    What's up with this priest?
[03:12] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle...
[03:13] K
    Stop, please!
[03:15] K
    Stop it!
[03:15] Tatami
    Thanks a lot, Tickling Priest!
[03:20] Tatami
    Woohoo! I can finally ride the trains!
[03:23] Tatami
    I'm a Tokyoite now!
[03:58] Machine
    Please reload your card.

E3 - A Horror Story! Inanogawa-san
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 3: "A Horror Story! Inanogawa-san"
[00:04] N
    It's been a month since
    Tatami-chan arrived in Tokyo.
[00:07] N
    Let's see how she's doing.
[00:09] N
    Oh? She's at home, being cranky.
[00:12] N
    She seems to be on edge after
    losing big at half-yen pachinko.
[00:17] N
    It's best to leave her
    alone at times like this.
[00:20] Tatami
    Damn it, I'm so pissed!
[00:23] Tatami
    Nothing's gone right since I came to Tokyo!
[00:25] Tatami
    I can't take it!
[00:26] Tatami
    I can't take it anymore!
[00:27] Landlord
    She's cranky.
[00:29] Priest
    You lost horribly at pachinko?
[00:31] Tatami
    What do you want?
[00:32] Tatami
    Leave me alone!
[00:33] Tatami
    I'm in a bad mood right now!
[00:35] Landlord
    Tatami-chan, do something
     to take your mind off it.
[00:38] Priest
    We were planning to go to Room 201 to
    hear Inanogawa-san's horror stories.
[00:43] Tatami
    Inanogawa-san's horror stories?
[00:46] Inanogawa
    I'm Inanogawa.
[00:49] Priest
    Inanogawa-san, would you mind
[00:50] Priest
    telling Tatami-chan one of your
    horror stories to cheer her up?
[00:53] Inanogawa
    Understood.
[00:55] Inanogawa
    I'll tell you one of my
    terrifying horror stories.
[00:58] Landlord
    Hustle! Hustle!
[01:00] Tatami
    Are horror stories supposed
    to make you feel better?
[01:02] Inanogawa
    This story is about my friend's
    friend's friend's friend.
[01:09] Tatami
    That's pretty distant.
[01:10] Inanogawa
    This really is a scary story.
[01:13] Priest
    What exactly happened?
[01:15] Inanogawa
    I'm scared to even speak of it.
[01:18] Inanogawa
    I don't know...
[01:19] Inanogawa
    Maybe I shouldn't...
[01:21] Tatami
    You've got me interested.
[01:22] Inanogawa
    This story can put the
    storyteller's life in jeopardy.
[01:27] Landlord
    How horrible.
[01:29] Inanogawa
    You can't take horror
    stories lightly. Got it?
[01:32] Inanogawa
    Terrible things can befall the storyteller,
    as well as the audience.
[01:36] Tatami
    Get to it, damn it!
[01:37] Inanogawa
    This happened about ten years ago.
[01:40] Priest
    Oh?
[01:41] Inanogawa
    Ten years ago...
[01:42] Inanogawa
    Wait, was it five years ago?
[01:44] Landlord
    Five years ago!
[01:45] Inanogawa
    No, was it a year ago?
[01:48] Priest
    A year ago?
[01:49] Inanogawa
    Ah, maybe it was a month ago.
[01:51] Landlord
    A month ago!
[01:52] Inanogawa
    Was it yesterday?
[01:53] Tatami
    Hurry up, you bastard!
[01:55] Priest
    Hustle! Hustle!
[01:56] Tatami
    Jeez, give me a break, you guys.
[01:58] Tatami
    I'm bummed out, right now.
[02:00] Tatami
    I want to be by myself.
[02:01] Inanogawa
    Oh? You aren't interested?
[02:03] Inanogawa
    What shall I do about my horror story?
[02:06] Landlord
    Please, Tatami-chan,
    you're being rude to Inanogawa-san.
[02:09] Tatami
    Forget the horror story.
[02:11] Inanogawa
    Thank goodness.
[02:12] Inanogawa
    I might die from telling that
    horror story and I almost did.
[02:15] Tatami
    Seriously, what's your deal?
[02:17] Priest
    No, Inanogawa-san,
    please tell us your horror story.
[02:21] Inanogawa
    Are you sure?
[02:22] Tatami
    Can I go home, already?
[02:24] Inanogawa
    Well, then, let's get back in
    the mood and tell the story.
[02:27] Landlord
    Here we go!
[02:29] Inanogawa
    This was around the beginning of February.
[02:32] Inanogawa
    It sure so cold.
[02:34] Inanogawa
    And when it's cold, you start
    craving a warm bowl of ramen.
[02:38] Priest
    Yes, ramen.
[02:39] Inanogawa
    Hot pot's good, too.
[02:43] Tatami
    Dude.
[02:44] Inanogawa
    Oden's great, too.
[02:45] Tatami
    Is this guy actually going 
    to tell a horror story?!
[02:48] Inanogawa
    I wouldn't want shaved ice when it's cold.
[02:50] Landlord
    Hustle! Hustle!
[02:52] Priest
    Inanogawa-san, please!
[02:54] Inanogawa
    Now I'm going to tell you
    my terrifying horror story.
[02:57] Tatami
    Whatever, let's hear it.
[02:59] Inanogawa
    This is one of my most frightening horror
    stories. I don't even want to tell it.
[03:04] Priest
    Really?!
[03:04] Inanogawa
    This is something that really happened to me.
[03:09] Inanogawa
    I don't know, I'm scared.
    This is bad. I'm scared.
[03:12] Tatami
    Damn it, please! Please! Inanogawa-san!
[03:14] Inanogawa
    So scary!
[03:15] Tatami
    I was frustrated, but I'm 
    starting to feel better!
[03:17] Priest
    That's great, Tatami-chan.
[03:19] Landlord
    I'm glad Inanogawa-san's horror
    story helped you feel better.
[03:22] Tatami
    He never told us his horror story!
[03:23] Inanogawa
    That's great.
[03:25] Inanogawa
    Before you go, how about a scary story
[03:27] Inanogawa
    that'll bring you bad luck
    for having listened to it?
[03:29] Tatami
    Hell no!

E4 - Karaoke Party of One
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 4: "Karaoke Party of One"
[00:04] N
    Tatami-chan is enjoying karaoke today.
SIGN    Karaoke SOUND
[00:09] N
    She seems to be getting
    used to life in Tokyo.
[00:11] N
    She's full of energy.
[00:13] N
    She must feel comfortable
    going out on her own.
[00:15] N
    Will she not need anyone to
    clap out the beat for her?
[00:18] Tatami
    There are these karaoke
    boxes all over Tokyo.
[00:21] Tatami
    I'm going to master karaoke like
    the young people these days.
[00:26] Tatami
    All right, I'm all set.
[00:37] Song
    Dates, dates, fun dates
[00:41] Song
    I want to go to the zoo
[00:47] Tatami
    Wh-What do you want?!
SIGN    Staff
[00:48] Staff
    I'm just here to deliver
    this melon soda for you.
[00:53] Tatami
    I see.
[00:54] Tatami
    My bad.
[00:55] Tatami
    What?
[00:56] Tatami
    Leave already.
[00:58] Staff
    A girl's singing karaoke by herself.
[01:01] Tatami
    Jeez!
[01:02] Tatami
    What a rude employee.
[01:04] Tatami
    Aren't you supposed to come here to sing?
[01:06] Tatami
    Let's get back in the mood
    and sing my heart out.
[01:11] Tatami
    This is fun.
[01:13] Tatami
    Tickle, tickle, tickle,
    tickle, sleep paralysis...
[01:16] Tatami
    What do you want?!
[01:17] Staff
    Did you know?
[01:18] Staff
    When you sing a song at karaoke,
    the musician makes some money.
[01:23] Tatami
    Really?
[01:24] Tatami
    Not that I needed that information.
[01:27] Tatami
    You're distracting me.
[01:28] Staff
    What are you singing right now?
[01:29] Tatami
    What? You laughed just now!
[01:31] Staff
    I was just wondering what you're singing.
[01:33] Tatami
    What?!
[01:34] Staff
    Tickle, tickle, sleep paralysis?!
[01:35] Tatami
    You're making fun of me, aren't you?!
[01:37] Tatami
    Manager!
[01:37] Tatami
    Bring me your manager!
[01:39] Manager
    I'm the manager.
[01:40] Staff
    Manager, do you know a song that goes,
    "tickle, tickle, sleep paralysis"?
[01:44] Manager
    I do not.
[01:45] Manager
    You must be singing a rather obscure song.
[01:48] Tatami
    What's wrong with you two?
[01:49] Tatami
    Get out of the room, please!
[01:51] Tatami
    What's wrong with this karaoke box?
[01:54] Tatami
    Is it really that weird that
    I'm singing by myself?
[01:57] Tatami
    Tickle, tickle...
[01:59] Tatami
    Dude!
[02:00] Pink
    You're right. She's actually
    singing by herself.
[02:03] Blue
    It's that solo karaoke thing that
    people are doing these days.
[02:05] Tatami
    What do you want, damn it?
[02:06] Tatami
    Do you want to hear me sing?
[02:08] Tatami
    I get embarrassed, okay?
[02:10] Tatami
    I don't like people watching me sing.
[02:11] Manager
    I thought you might be lonely
    singing by yourself.
[02:13] Tatami
    No, man.
[02:14] Orange
    We'll listen for you.
[02:16] Pink
    We'll score your singing ability.
[02:19] Tatami
    You don't need to.
[02:20] Tatami
    Stop wasting my time and go away.
[02:22] Blue
    Don't mind us. Just sing.
[02:24] Pink
    Do you need us to clap out the rhythm?
[02:26] Tatami
    What's wrong with you people?!
[02:27] Tatami
    You're messed up!
[02:28] Orange
    Singing by yourself... I wonder
    if she doesn't have any friends.
[02:31] Tatami
    Leave me alone!
[02:32] Pink
    If you'd like, we offer friendship services.
[02:37] Tatami
    What kind of service is that?
[02:38] Tatami
    No, thank you.
[02:39] Blue
    The service costs 100,000 yen.
[02:41] Tatami
    That's expensive!
[02:42] Manager
    Encore!
[02:44] Tatami
    "Encore," my ass.
[02:45] Tatami
    Are the staff here going to get in the
    way of a customer having fun singing?
[02:49] Tatami
    Why do you do that?
[02:51] Manager
    What?!
[02:51] Tatami
    No, don't "what?!" me.
[02:52] Tatami
    I'm asking you to leave.
[02:55] Orange
    Will you let us hear you sing?
[02:56] Tatami
    I never said that!
[02:57] Manager
    Our task, as the karaoke box staff,
    is to ensure that you have a good time.
[03:01] Manager
    We can't just let a girl sing by herself.
[03:04] Tatami
    I don't need your pity.
[03:06] Tatami
    Screw it! The bill!
[03:08] Tatami
    Bring me the bill!
[03:09] Pink
    There's a fun song playing.
[03:11] Blue
    Here we go!
[03:12] Pink
    If you're going to sing, you might as well
    have an audience to make it more fun.
[03:15] Manager
    We ought to have some fun.
[03:17] Manager
    We're all tired from working every day.
[03:19] Manager
    Heal us with your song.
[03:21] Orange
    That's right, that's right!
[03:22] Orange
    He's totally right!
[03:23] Tatami
    I was here for some
    me-time, singing karaoke.
[03:26] Tatami
    How did it come to this?!
[03:27] Tatami
    Damn it!
[03:58] Orange
    You suck.
[03:59] Tatami
    Hey!

E5 - Do You Know Social Media?
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 5: "Do You Know Social Media?"
[00:05] N
    SNS stands for Social Networking Service.
[00:09] N
    I have no idea what that means.
[00:12] N
    Let's see if Tatami-chan understands
    the value of those services.
[00:18] Landlord
    I look so Instagrammable.
[00:20] Tatami
    What are you up to, Landlady?
[00:22] Landlord
    Look at this feature.
[00:24] Landlord
    It cleans up your face so that
    you look cute in your photos.
[00:27] Tatami
    Oh, you're right.
[00:28] Tatami
    It made your scary eyes bigger.
[00:30] Tatami
    You look even creepier, though.
[00:32] Landlord
    Apps like this have been
    popping up everywhere.
[00:34] Landlord
    Taking photos with your phone is fun.
[00:37] Priest
    We're posting our adorable
    photos on SNS sites.
[00:41] Tatami
    SNS is that thing, right?
[00:43] Tatami
    Social networking?
[00:45] Landlord
    I'm surprised you know about that.
[00:46] Tatami
    Why would you post your
    face on social media?
[00:50] Priest
    Currently, the world is
    all about asserting yourself.
[00:53] Tatami
    Why would you assert yourself?
[00:54] Landlord
    Because that's the way
    the world is right now.
[00:56] Tatami
    Is there something good about posting
    your photos for the world to see?
[01:00] Landlord
    It's fun, showing the world the
    things you think are good.
[01:05] Tatami
    Why?
[01:06] Landlord
    Why?
[01:07] Landlord
    Because you're finding agreement
    with complete strangers.
[01:10] Priest
    It's person-to-person communication.
[01:12] Priest
    Humans crave connection
    through communication.
[01:16] Tatami
    Humans need communication to get by?
[01:20] Landlord
    Well, no, they don't need it, but...
[01:23] Tatami
    So it's an age when people value
    their connection with other people.
[01:26] Priest
    That's right.
[01:27] Priest
    It's a beautiful age, when things that were
    unthinkable in the past are now possible.
[01:31] Landlord
    It's a warm age, when we can feel
    the connection between people.
[01:36] Tatami
    But, but...
[01:37] ---
    What?
[01:37] Tatami
    That feature that cleans up your face is fakery,
    so you're basically lying to strangers.
[01:44] Landlord
    It's not good to think
    about such dumb things.
[01:48] Tatami
    Do you feel warmth in lying to people?
[01:51] Landlord
    Well...
[01:51] Priest
    Well, it's more of a little white lie.
[01:53] Priest
    What does it matter if
    everyone's having fun?
[01:55] Tatami
    So why would you care about
    impressing people like that?
[01:58] Priest
    You aren't necessarily
    trying to impress people.
[02:00] Tatami
    Is it attention seeking?
[02:02] Priest
    Attention seeking?
[02:05] Tatami
    Do you want to become famous?
[02:06] Priest
    No, not particularly.
[02:08] Tatami
    Are you doing it because you're lonely?
[02:09] Priest
    Lonely?
[02:10] Priest
    You don't necessarily do it
     because you're lonely.
[02:12] Tatami
    So you aren't lonely?
[02:14] Priest
    I-I'm not doing it because I'm lonely.
[02:17] Landlord
    I am lonely.
[02:18] Tatami
    You are?
[02:19] Landlord
    I'm so lonely!
[02:20] Tatami
    There, there.
[02:21] Landlord
    I hope a handsome man will discover
    my beautiful photos and contact me!
[02:26] Priest
    You're quite honest, aren't you?
[02:27] Landlord
    And what about you?
[02:28] Landlord
    Why do you use social media?
[02:30] Priest
    Um, I just want interpersonal connections.
[02:33] Landlord
    You want the same thing, don't you?!
[02:36] Tatami
    Are you also hoping to
    find someone, Tickling Priest?
[02:39] Priest
    I'd be lying if I said no.
[02:41] Tatami
    What are you really trying to do?
[02:43] Landlord
    I want to meet someone.
[02:44] Landlord
    I want to meet a man so we can make love,
    our bodies touching one another's!
[02:48] Priest
    Bodies?
[02:49] Priest
    Earthly desires of the flesh!
[02:51] Landlord
    This world is rife with
    desires of the flesh!
[02:53] Tatami
    Are you filled with desires of
    the flesh, you trashy priest?
[02:55] Priest
    I am filled with desires of the flesh!
[02:57] Priest
    I want to tickle girls that
    I meet on social media!
[02:59] Landlord
    You said it.
[03:00] Tatami
    So you've both been trying to
    impress people on social media
[03:02] Tatami
    to satisfy your desires.
[03:04] Landlord
    That's right!
[03:05] Landlord
    I want to meet a handsome man to ****!
[03:08] Priest
    I-I want to tickle someone and letch on her!
[03:11] Landlord
    I want to become animalistic!
[03:14] Priest
    I, too!
[03:15] Landlord
    Lonely... I'm so lonely.
[03:17] Priest
    I, too, would like to become
    close with a young woman!
[03:22] Tatami
    I see, I see.
[03:23] Tatami
    You're both on social media
    because you're horny.
[03:28] Tatami
    That's what I figured.

E6 - Hot Guy Hell and Mixers
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 6: "Hot Guy Hell and Mixers"
[00:05] N
    Tatami-chan finds her way to a mixer.
[00:09] N
    It's only natural for lonely
    souls to try to find love.
[00:14] N
    Tatami-chan is having a rough time in Tokyo.
[00:16] N
    She definitely must want
    to meet someone nice.
[00:19] A
    I'm a hot guy in the apparel business.
[00:21] B
    I'm a man-whore in the IT business.
[00:24] C
    I work as a consultant.
[00:26] C
    We're at a fun mixer today!
[00:28] A
    Today, I'm taking home a
    hot chick to make out with.
[00:32] C
    That's right.
[00:33] C
    We go through women one after another.
[00:36] C
    We're bad boys.
[00:37] B
    To prepare for the mixer today,
    not only did I shampoo my hair,
[00:40] B
    I even used conditioner.
[00:42] A
    That's a coincidence.
    I used a two-in-one, too.
[00:45] C
    Mine's a one-in-one.
[00:47] B
    That's so hip.
[00:49] A
    No chick's ever going to resist us.
[00:52] B
    Looks like the girls are here.
[00:57] C
    M-Monsters!
SIGN    Lust
[00:58] B
    How could this be?!
[00:59] B
    We're at a mixer with monsters!
[01:03] Landlady
    What fine men!
[01:05] Landlady
    I shall kiss the crest of your neck.
[01:08] Tatami
    Chill out, landlady.
[01:09] Tatami
    You're going to scare the dudes
    away if you're too desperate.
[01:12] Okiku
    The night has come for
    me to lose my virginity.
[01:15] A
    Wh-Who the hell are you?!
[01:17] Tatami
    Who are we, you ask?
[01:18] Tatami
    We are none other than
    the girls at your mixer!
[01:22] A
    Um...
[01:22] A
    So what do you monsters do?
[01:24] Landlady
    How rude!
[01:25] Landlady
    We aren't monsters, you uncouth jerks.
[01:28] Landlady
    I'll drag my claws across your skin!
[01:30] A
    Ow!
[01:32] Tatami
    I'm Tatami-chan, the house spirit.
[01:34] Tatami
    Nice to meet you.
[01:35] Okiku
    I'm Okiku-chan, the Japanese doll
    whose hair grows on its own.
[01:39] Okiku
    I permed my hair for today.
[01:41] B
    Oh, God, it's a house spirit,
    a Japanese doll, and an old hag.
[01:45] B
    This mixer couldn't go any worse.
[01:48] Landlady
    Who are you calling an
    old hag, you d*ckweed!
[01:50] Landlady
    Take this!
[01:51] B
    She's sucking on my neck!
[01:54] Tatami
    I see.
[01:55] Tatami
    So this is how people in Tokyo hook up.
[01:59] Okiku
    Hey, who should we pick?
[02:01] Okiku
    Let's choose.
[02:02] Landlady
    This man is my type.
[02:04] Landlady
    I won't let you go.
[02:06] Tatami
    I'll pass on all of them.
[02:08] C
    They have control of the situation.
[02:10] C
    We've let them take over!
[02:11] Okiku
    Hey, misters, who's the prettiest among us?
[02:16] C
    Would you actually go there?
[02:18] Landlady
    I am, obviously.
[02:20] B
    Definitely not this hag.
[02:21] Landlady
    What did you just say?!
[02:23] B
    Could you please give me some space?
[02:25] Landlady
    I'm going to feel you up!
SIGN    Lust
[02:27] A
    This mixer is hellish.
[02:29] A
    It's actually hell!
[02:30] B
    Have you heard of the Women's Mixer 5S's?
[02:33] Tatami
    The 5 S's?
[02:35] Landlady
    Indeed, I have.
[02:36] Landlady
    S for "Slobbering all over."
[02:38] A
    No, that's "S for Super."
[02:41] Landlady
    S for "Shitty men."
[02:43] B
    That can't be right.
[02:44] Landlady
    S for "Let me Suck you."
[02:46] C
    It's S for "So awesome."
[02:48] Landlady
    S for...
[02:49] Okiku
    S...
[02:50] Landlady
    S for
    "Let me have Sex with you!"
[02:53] A
    I'm out.
[02:54] A
    I can't take this anymore!
[02:55] Landlady
    S for "Screwed the pooch!"
[02:57] B
    I'm done, too!
[02:59] B
    I'm out of here!
[03:00] C
    Run! Run for your lives!
[03:02] C
    A mixer with monsters just isn't worth it!
[03:04] Okiku
    Those dazzling men are running away.
[03:06] Okiku
    No, you don't!
[03:07] C
    I'm caught in her drapes and carpet!
[03:09] Landlady
    You aren't getting away.
[03:10] Landlady
    I'm going to put all three
    of you into kissy hell!
[03:18] C
    H-Help me!
[03:20] C
    Daddy!
SIGN    Lust
[03:21] C
    Mommy!
[03:22] Tatami
    So this is a mixer, huh?
[03:24] Tatami
    It's so fun.
[03:25] Tatami
    You get drunk and torment douchebags.
SIGN    No Vacancy
SIGN    No Vacancy

E7 - Tickling Priest's Meditation Group
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 7: "Tickling Priest's Meditation Group"
[00:04] N
    What do you suppose those
     nincompoops are up to today?
[00:08] N
    Do you know that thing
    where you go to a temple
[00:11] N
    and have a priest whack you on the shoulder?
[00:13] N
    Yeah, that thing.
[00:14] N
    That's what they're doing today.
[00:16] N
    Then again, I'm sure they
    aren't doing it properly.
[00:19] Priest
    You lustful nincompoops...
[00:22] Priest
    Today is the day you meditate
    and reflect on yourselves.
[00:25] Tatami
    You seem like an actual priest for once.
[00:27] Priest
    Of course I am.
[00:28] Priest
    I am a priest.
[00:30] Tatami
    What? Really?
[00:32] Landlady
    You are?
[00:33] Tatami
    Indeed.
[00:34] Priest
    Wait, what did you think I was?
[00:36] Tatami
    I thought you were the tickling priest.
[00:38] Okiku
    A pervy, NEET horny priest.
[00:41] Priest
    H-How dare you?!
[00:42] Landlady
    A hobo late on his rent
    payments and mired in debt.
[00:44] Priest
    Shush, you!
[00:45] Priest
    Close your eyes and focus!
[00:48] Tatami
    What a pain.
[00:49] Tatami
    Ow!
[00:50] Priest
    Now, focus your mind until
    this incense burns up.
[00:55] Priest
    Disturbances of posture and breathing
     are disturbances of the mind.
[00:58] Priest
    Those who lose focus will be
    disciplined with this stick.
[01:06] Tatami
    Ow!
[01:06] Priest
    You fell asleep the moment we started.
[01:08] Priest
    You are inadequate as a human being!
[01:10] Tatami
    I can't help that I'm sleepy.
[01:11] Tatami
    I'm not even human, anyway.
[01:13] Priest
    No talking back!
[01:14] Tatami
    Ow!
[01:15] Tatami
    This asshole priest hit me!
[01:17] Okiku
    This is violence.
[01:19] ---
    Now, focus!
[01:20] Landlady
    Damn it. Why do I need to take part in
    helping this old fart with his pastimes?
[01:24] Priest
    Did you say something?
[01:26] Priest
    Did you click your tongue?
[01:27] Landlady
    No! Stop this!
[01:30] Priest
    I'll wiggle my fingers!
[01:32] Priest
    I'll tickle you with my fingers!
[01:33] ---
    Please, not that!
[01:36] Tatami
    Come on.
[01:37] Priest
    What is it?
[01:39] Priest
    You all are overflowing
    with earthly desires.
[01:42] Priest
    I'm going to set you straight
    through this meditation.
[01:45] Okiku
    You're just assuming
    we have earthly desires.
[01:47] Priest
    No talking back!
[01:48] Okiku
    Ow!
[01:50] Okiku
    If you don't want to be disciplined,
    you will rid your mind of all distractions.
[02:03] Priest
    Desires.
[02:04] Priest
    You're overflowing with desires.
[02:10] Priest
    Meep, meep, meep.
[02:16] Priest
    Meep, meep, meep.
[02:21] Priest
    Feather touch.
[02:27] Priest
    Jeez, what's your problem?
[02:31] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[02:35] Priest
    What are you doing?!
[02:37] Tatami
    Dude, what are you doing,
    you asshole priest?
[02:38] Priest
    Concentrate!
[02:41] Okiku
    Hey! We were all focused on ridding
    ourselves of bad thoughts.
[02:45] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[02:48] Priest
    That's what you get for succeeding
    in mindful meditation!
[02:51] Tatami
    You're the one who told us to do it!
[02:54] Priest
    Did I, now?
[02:57] Landlady
    Enough!
[02:58] Landlady
    You're just looking for
    an excuse to tickle us!
[03:00] Priest
    That's right. I want to tickle you.
[03:02] Tatami
    What?!
[03:03] Priest
    I can't help but want to tickle you!
[03:04] Landlady
    I said not to tickle me!
[03:06] Priest
    No!
[03:06] Okiku
    No?
[03:07] Priest
    No!
[03:08] Priest
    I seriously want to tickle you!
[03:12] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[03:15] Landlady
    That tickles!
[03:16] Tatami
    You bastard!
[03:17] Tatami
    You scolded us for having earthly desires,
    but you're the one with the most!
[03:22] Priest
    How dare you?!
[03:23] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[03:25] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[03:27] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[03:28] Priest
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!

E8 - A Party of Monsters!
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 8: "A Party of Monsters!"
[00:04] N
    What are the cranky monsters
    of Tokyo up to today?
[00:09] N
    What's this? A drinking party?
[00:11] N
    Look at them, thinking they're human.
[00:14] N
    It's a fun get-together.
[00:17] Tatami
    It's a monster mash!
[00:19] Tatami
    I guess even in Tokyo, I end up
     getting along with monsters.
[00:24] Green
    We're all living modestly on the
    outskirts of human society.
[00:27] Green
    We should stick together.
[00:28] Yuki
    We can find joy in standing side by side.
[00:34] Okiku
    This kind of a drinking party
    isn't bad, for a change.
[00:36] Ghost
    It helps me not to feel lonely.
[00:39] Tickle
    Hey, where's the gristle karaage?
[00:41] Landlady
    Where's my highball?
[00:43] Tickle
    What are the staff here doing?
[00:45] Tatami
    Those two have such short fuses.
[00:47] Tatami
    They get angry so quickly.
[00:49] Okiku
    I'm buzzed.
[00:51] Yuki
    Everyone's got a lot to be frustrated about.
[00:53] Ghost
    Licking each other's wounds is a
    necessary ritual in our lives.
[00:58] Tatami
    Anyway, thanks for being friends with this
    country bumpkin from the middle of nowhere.
[01:01] Tatami
    Now, let's call it a day.
[01:03] Tatami
    I'm getting sleepy.
SIGN    Total
[01:06] Tatami
    Seriously? Thirty-five thousand yen?
[01:09] Tatami
    We spent quite a bit.
[01:10] Yuki
    If we split it, that works out
    to exactly 5,000 yen each.
[01:13] Ghost
    So much...
[01:14] Tickle
    My wallet hurts.
[01:16] Tatami
    That ghost bounced!
[01:19] Tatami
    She just vanished into thin air!
[01:20] Green
    Who does she think she is?
[01:21] Landlady
    I'm going to punish her
    with a crotch stomp later.
[01:23] Okiku
    I have no money, you know?
[01:26] Tatami
    Say what?
[01:27] Okiku
    I'm a doll, after all.
[01:28] Green
    You've got some nerve, coming to
    a drinking party with no money.
[01:32] Yuki
    Let's do 7,000 yen each for
    the five of us, then.
[01:35] Tatami
    You've got to be kidding me.
[01:36] Landlady
    Just a second.
[01:37] Landlady
    Shouldn't the men pay more?
[01:40] Yuki
    Oh, that's true.
[01:41] Tickle
    Whoa, are you serious?
[01:44] Landlady
    The women will pay 3,000 each,
    and the men can pay the rest.
[01:48] Yuki
    That'll be 13,000 yen each for the men.
[01:52] Tatami
    Good thing I'm a girl!
[01:54] Green
    I can't agree to that.
[01:55] Green
    I wasn't even here from the beginning.
[01:57] Landlady
    So you'll pay the same as the women, then?
[01:59] Green
    I don't have money.
[02:01] Tatami
    You were the one who talked about the nerves
    of people who go drinking with no money!
[02:05] Yuki
    That means Tickling Priest
    will have to pay 26,000 yen.
[02:09] Tickle
    This is wrong! This is wrong! This is wrong!
[02:11] Landlady
    Speaking of which, you actually drank the most.
[02:14] Landlady
    Shouldn't you pay more?
[02:16] Yuki
    How dare you?!
[02:17] Tickle
    She's right!
[02:18] Tickle
    You drank lots and ate the most!
[02:21] Tickle
    You ought to pay more than all of us!
[02:23] Tatami
    That's true.
[02:24] Tatami
    You were the biggest pig here.
[02:27] Yuki
    Y-You suck!
[02:28] Yuki
    This was such a fun party!
[02:34] Tatami
    Oh, come on!
[02:35] Landlady
    Oh, dear.
[02:36] Landlady
    What happened?
[02:37] Landlady
    Where did she vanish to?
[02:39] Landlady
    Maybe she went to the washroom.
[02:41] Landlady
    The washroom is over here.
[02:44] Tickle
    Hey, now, where are you going?!
[02:46] Tickle
    That old hag pulled a dine and dash!
[02:48] Tatami
    You're all losers.
[02:50] Tickle
    It's down to just you and me, Tatami-chan.
[02:53] Tickle
    The two of us are going to
    have to pay 17,500 each.
[02:56] Tatami
    I'm underage.
[02:58] Tatami
    I only had orange juice.
[02:59] Tickle
    The party was fun, was it not?
[03:01] Tickle
    It's not a high price to pay
    for all the fun we had!
[03:05] Tatami
    I don't know. I think it was
     only worth about 50 yen.
[03:09] Tickle
    Fool!
[03:10] Tickle
    How exactly do you evaluate our friendship?!
[03:12] Tatami
    Shut up, you old fogey!
[03:15] Tatami
    Later!
[03:17] Tickle
    Don't "later" me!
[03:18] Tickle
    Damn it, she got away!
[03:20] Green
    You've been had.
[03:22] Tickle
    Damn. "Stick together," my ass.
[03:25] Tickle
    Monsters are such terrible people.
[03:28] Green
    We aren't people.

E9 - Coup Coup Coup Couple Coucouple Ouples
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 9: "Coup Coup Coup Couple Coucouple Ouples"
[00:05] N
    A couple is quarreling at the station.
[00:08] N
    She is crying in grief with
    her arms around her legs.
[00:11] N
    He is consoling her,
     but seems irritated.
[00:14] N
    It's not an uncommon sight, is it?
[00:16] N
    What's this? It looks like Tatami-chan's
    curious about one such couple.
[00:21] Tatami
    Yo, check that out.
[00:23] Landlady
    It looks like that couple is fighting.
[00:26] Tatami
    I've seen that a lot since I came to Tokyo.
[00:28] Tatami
    Why do couples always fight at the station?
[00:31] Landlady
    I envy them.
[00:33] Landlady
    I don't even have anyone
    to get in a fight with.
[00:36] Landlady
    Those bastards...
[00:37] Tatami
    Uh oh, the girl's crying.
[00:40] Landlady
    The man looks irritated.
[00:43] Tatami
    That's how it usually is, isn't it?
[00:44] Tatami
    The girl's upset, and the
    guy's talking her down.
[00:47] Landlady
    I wish to be consoled, too.
[00:49] Tatami
    Let's go ask them,
[00:51] Tatami
    "Why are you fighting in public like that?"
[00:53] Landlady
    It's not a good idea to get involved.
[00:57] Tatami
    Why not?
[00:58] Tatami
    Maybe the girl's being bullied by the guy.
[01:01] Landlady
    I don't think we should just jump in.
[01:05] Tatami
    Hey, you guys, why are you fighting?
[01:08] Guy
    What do you want?
[01:10] Tatami
    You made that girl cry.
[01:12] Tatami
    You aren't bullying her, are you?
[01:13] Guy
    I'm not bullying her.
[01:15] Landlady
    Why are you grieving so?
[01:17] Girl
    Leave me alone!
[01:18] Girl
    What's wrong with these people?
[01:20] Tatami
    Oy, dude, what did you do to her?
[01:23] Girl
    We had a date today.
[01:25] Girl
    A really fun date.
[01:27] Girl
    But she got upset on the way home.
[01:29] Tatami
    Why did she get upset?
[01:30] Tatami
    Did you ask her why?
[01:32] Guy
    That's the thing, she won't tell me.
[01:34] Tatami
    Hey, why are you upset?
[01:36] Tatami
    You have a problem with this guy, don't you?
[01:40] Tatami
    Jeez, what a pain in the ass.
[01:42] Tatami
    We aren't getting anywhere unless
    you tell us what's wrong.
[01:45] Landlady
    You mustn't cry!
[01:46] Landlady
    Smile!
[01:49] Landlady
    Poor girl.
[01:51] Landlady
    If only Tickling Priest were here
    to tickle you and make you laugh.
[01:54] Priest
    What are you dingleberries doing here?
[01:58] Tatami
    It's the asshole priest.
[01:59] Landlady
    Perfect timing.
[02:02] Landlady
    Could you tickle this grieving
    girl and make her laugh?
[02:05] Priest
    I don't know about that.
[02:07] Priest
    That sounds indecent.
[02:08] Tatami
    What's with the goody two-shoes act?
[02:10] Guy
    Who are you anyway?
[02:11] Landlady
    We're trying to make things better for
    a couple here at this station.
[02:15] Tatami
    We were curious about
    why you're fighting.
[02:18] Priest
    This is a rather complicated phenomenon.
[02:20] Priest
    It's an indication of how
    different men and women are.
[02:24] Tatami
    What are you even talking about?
[02:26] Priest
    You, sir, enjoyed your date, did you not?
[02:28] Guy
    Yeah, it was a perfect date.
[02:30] Priest
    But what about you, ma'am?
[02:32] Landlady
    Miss, do you have some grievances
    with your man today?
[02:36] Priest
    Perhaps he said something he shouldn't have?
[02:40] Priest
    Or maybe he chewed loudly when he ate.
[02:44] Priest
    Does that sound plausible?
[02:45] Priest
    Indeed, men are blissfully ignorant
    creatures, far too forgiving of all.
[02:49] Priest
    Meanwhile, women are sensitive creatures.
[02:52] Landlady
    I see.
[02:53] Landlady
    You shouldn't want to end
    your date on a bad note.
[02:56] Tatami
    That's why you get into fights at the
    station, right before you part ways.
[02:59] Tatami
    That makes sense.
[03:00] Priest
    So, sir, you must have done something wrong.
[03:04] Priest
    You must apologize to the woman.
[03:06] Girl
    No!
[03:06] Girl
    It's nothing like that!
[03:08] Landlady
    What?
[03:08] Girl
    We aren't fighting.
[03:10] Girl
    We're just showing off our lovers' quarrel.
[03:13] Tatami
    Showing off to who?
[03:13] Girl
    To all the passersby.
[03:15] Guy
    Showing off?
[03:16] Guy
    That might be right.
[03:19] Girl
    We're showing off.
[03:21] Girl
    We're showing off to the foolish masses.
[03:24] Tatami
    You're a piece of work.

E10 - Tatami-chan and the Furious Ramen Chef
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 10: "Tatami-chan and the Furious Ramen Chef"
[00:04] N
    Why do ramen shop owners have
    their arms crossed in photos?
SIGN    Doroichi
[00:09] N
    They think they're so important, you say?
[00:11] N
    Of course they are.
[00:12] N
    They dediate their lives to ramen,
    so they must be important.
[00:17] Landlady
    What shall I have?
[00:19] Landlady
    Such an agonizing decision.
[00:21] Chef
    Hurry up and choose.
[00:22] Landlady
    Come on. Why are you rushing me?
[00:24] Chef
    You have to choose, or you're
    going to mess up my pace.
[00:27] Landlady
    You're not very friendly, are you?
[00:29] Chef
    You can leave if you don't like it!
[00:31] Landlady
    I'll have shoyu ramen.
[00:33] Chef
    And the soup?
[00:33] Chef
    Rich? Light? Normal?
[00:35] Chef
    A little rich?
[00:36] Chef
    Really light?
[00:36] Landlady
    What? What? What?
[00:38] Chef
    How firm do you want the noodles?
[00:39] Landlady
    H-How firm?
[00:40] Chef
    Have you not done your research, lady?
[00:42] Chef
    I don't need any half-assed customers.
[00:47] Landlady
    Damn it!
[00:49] Tatami
    Hey, I never knew there
    was a ramen shop here.
[00:52] Tatami
    I like the vibe here.
[00:54] Tatami
    One shoyu ramen.
[00:56] Chef
    Mega-firm? Kinda-firm? Soft-firm?
[00:58] Tatami
    Huh? What? What language is that?
[01:00] Chef
    Ridoncu-firm? Blobby-firm?
[01:02] Tatami
    What? What? What?
[01:03] Tatami
    Just give me normal.
[01:04] Chef
    Ma'am, this is your first
    time here, isn't it?
[01:06] Tatami
    Why are you angry?
[01:07] Chef
    I'm not angry.
[01:08] Tatami
    You're kinda pissed!
[01:10] Tatami
    What a dick.
[01:11] Chef
    You can leave if you're going
    to talk shit about me.
[01:13] Chef
    I have a right to choose my customers.
[01:14] Tatami
    Oh, really?
[01:16] Tatami
    Where's my water?
[01:18] Chef
    It's right there. Look. It's self-service.
[01:20] Tatami
    So is this one of those prideful
    ramen shops I've been hearing about.
[01:23] Tatami
    What a pain in the ass.
[01:28] Tatami
    You're getting it on me!
[01:30] Tatami
    It's hot!
[01:31] Chef
    Shut up. You're distracting me.
[01:33] Tatami
    What a ridiculous ramen shop.
[01:35] Chef
    There, shoyu ramen.
[01:36] Tatami
    Hey, the chef's a jerk,
    but the ramen looks decent.
[01:40] Tatami
    I think I'll take a picture with my phone.
[01:44] Chef
    Hey!
[01:45] Chef
    No photos in my shop!
[01:46] Tatami
    Give me a break, already.
[01:48] Tatami
    Why are you so anal?
[01:49] Tatami
    Would it kill you to be a little nicer?
[01:51] Chef
    You don't need to eat it
    if you don't like it.
[01:53] Tatami
    Do you really want to talk
    to your customers like that?
[01:56] Tatami
    This is so sad, worrying about
    your attitude while I'm eating.
[01:58] Chef
    I take pride in my shop!
[02:01] Tatami
    I don't have time for this!
[02:03] Chef
    Hurry up and eat it before it gets cold!
[02:05] Chef
    That's how you show your respect.
[02:06] Tatami
    Fine, I'll start with the soup.
[02:10] Tatami
    Hot!
[02:11] Chef
    Hot?
[02:12] Chef
    What do you mean, "hot"?
[02:12] Tatami
    I said it's hot because it's hot.
[02:14] Chef
    Hurry up and eat!
[02:15] Chef
    Now!
[02:16] Chef
    Eat it while it's hot and tell me it's good!
[02:19] Tatami
    What's wrong with this shop?
[02:20] Chef
    Hurry up and eat it and post on
    social media that it's good.
[02:23] Chef
    Make my shop go viral and
    make me a ton of money!
[02:26] Tatami
    You're completely shameless.
[02:28] Tatami
    You're beyond prideful.
    You're just a snotty, entitled prick.
[02:32] Tatami
    What the hell?! This is awful!
[02:36] Tatami
    This is awful, too!
[02:37] Chef
    Say what?
[02:37] Tatami
    None of this is edible.
[02:39] Chef
    Are you dissing my perfection?
[02:41] Tatami
    I'm going to give you bad
    reviews on social media.
[02:43] Chef
    Anything but that!
[02:45] Tatami
    I expected way better from
    a prideful ramen shop.
[02:47] Chef
    I take pride in my work.
[02:50] Tatami
    All you have is pride!
[02:51] Chef
    Do you have a problem?
[02:52] Tatami
    Yeah, I do.
[02:53] Tatami
    How long has this place been open?
[02:55] Chef
    I started yesterday.
[02:56] Tatami
    Yesterday?
[02:57] Tatami
    You have so much confidence,
    I thought you were killing it.
[02:59] Chef
    I have confidence.
[03:01] Tatami
    So you opened a shop on
    nothing but confidence?
[03:03] Chef
    I opened it with confidence,
    pride and a prideful attitude!
[03:06] Tatami
    You don't need to say that so loud.
[03:08] Chef
    I have confidence!
[03:09] Tatami
    You shouldn't have confidence in this ramen!
[03:13] Chef
    I thought that even as a monster, I could
    open a prideful shop, like the humans do.
[03:19] Tatami
    So you're one of us.
[03:20] Tatami
    No wonder you're so awkward.
[03:22] Chef
    Thank you!
[03:23] Tatami
    Whatever, fine.
[03:24] Tatami
    I'll root for you.
[03:25] Chef
    Thank you.
[03:27] Chef
    Was it good?
[03:27] Tatami
    No, like I said, it wasn't...
[03:28] Chef
    Would you like seconds?
[03:29] Tatami
    Hell, no!

E11 - Let's Read Some Fancy T-shirts!
Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 11: "Let's Read Some Fancy T-shirts!"
[00:04] N
    What kind of designs do you have
    on the clothes you're wearing?
[00:08] N
    Illustrations?
[00:09] N
    A logo of some kind?
[00:11] N
    I hope you aren't wearing something
     with words on it, are you?
[00:14] N
    Well, my condolences.
[00:16] N
    I pray that no one reads it out loud.
[00:20] Okiku
    It's so hot today.
[00:22] Tatami
    Man, Tokyo's packed with people
    no matter where you go.
[00:25] Tatami
    Look at all those people
    wearing funny shirts.
[00:29] Okiku
    I know.
[00:30] Okiku
    It's so fascinating.
[00:32] Ghost
    They look so awesome with the English logos.
[00:36] Tatami
    What does that say?
[00:39] Okiku
    It says "baseball."
[00:41] Tatami
    Baseball?
[00:42] Tatami
    Why does it say baseball on it?
[00:44] Okiku
    He must like baseball.
SIGN    I  L o v e  T o k y o
[00:51] Ghost
    That person's T-shirt is so fashionable, too.
[00:54] Tatami
    "I love Tokyo," huh?
[00:55] Okiku
    She's expressing her love
    for Tokyo with her clothes.
[00:59] Tatami
    Tokyo's a nice town, but I don't
    think I'd go that far.
[01:02] Okiku
    "I love Tokyo."
[01:07] Ghost
    Look! It says "dangerous road."
[01:10] Tatami
    "Dangerous road"!
[01:11] Ghost
    "Dangerous road."
[01:13] Tatami
    Woo! Dangerous!
[01:15] Okiku
    A perilous path.
[01:16] Okiku
    I wonder if he's trying to express
    "perilous path" with his shirt.
[01:19] Tatami
    That must be it.
[01:20] Okiku
    He's trying to say his life
     is on a perilous path.
[01:28] Ghost
    "Working."
[01:29] Tatami
    Working!
[01:34] Okiku
    Look, it says "Jealousy."
[01:39] Tatami
    One, two...
[01:40] Tatami
    "Jealousy"!
[01:42] Okiku
    Jealousy! Jealousy!
[01:43] Ghost
    He must be prone to jealousy.
[01:46] A
    Th-That wasn't my intention!
[01:51] Tatami
    That one says "Happy!!"
[01:53] Okiku
    He's trying to convince
    people that he's happy.
[01:57] Ghost
    He's rubbing it in the faces
    of the people who aren't happy.
[02:00] Tatami
    Maybe he's flexing how happy he is.
[02:03] Okiku
    That must be it.
[02:05] Ghost
    He must be a dick, then.
[02:09] A
    D-Damn it!
[02:11] A
    Damn it!
SIGN    H o t  d o g
[02:13] Tatami
    Look at that! It says "Hot dog"!
[02:16] Tatami
    Hot dog!
[02:18] Ghost
    He must really like hot dogs.
[02:21] Tatami
    Definitely.
[02:21] Tatami
    Otherwise he wouldn't wear
     that hot dog T-shirt.
[02:26] Tatami
    Hotdog! Hotdog!
[02:28] Priest
    What are you three doing?
[02:30] Tatami
    Tickling Priest.
[02:31] Tatami
    People in Tokyo wear all
    sorts of T-shirts, huh?
[02:34] Priest
    Hold on. You guys are cruel,
    reading the words on people's shirts.
[02:39] Tatami
    How come?
[02:40] Tatami
    We're reading them because they're cool.
[02:43] Priest
    Well...
[02:44] Priest
    I don't know.
[02:45] Priest
    It embarrasses the people wearing them.
[02:47] Okiku
    You're wearing a nice T-shirt,
    too, Tickling Priest.
[02:50] Priest
    Stop! Don't read it!
[02:53] Tatami
    "I love you"!
[02:54] Priest
    I said not to read it, damn it!
[02:58] Tatami
    "I love you"!
[02:59] Okiku
    What do you mean, "I love you"?
[03:01] Tatami
    Yeah, you asshole priest.
    What's "I love you" supposed to mean?
[03:04] Priest
    I mean you.
[03:05] Priest
    I love you three!
[03:08] Tatami
    That's a lovely sentiment,
    you asshole priest.
[03:11] Okiku
    You're expressing your love
    for us through your clothes.
[03:14] Priest
    That's right.
[03:15] Priest
    I love you!
[03:16] Tatami
    You're flattering me, you asshole.
[03:18] Priest
    I love you!
[03:19] Priest
    I love you!
[03:21] Priest
    I love you!
[03:22] Priest
    I love you!
[03:23] Landlord
    What are you people doing?

E12 - It's a Halloween Party, Tatami-chan
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The House Spirit
    Tatami-chan
SIGN    Episode 12: "It's a Halloween Party, Tatami-chan"
[00:04] N
    There's a Halloween costume party tonight.
SIGN    Chow-chow
[00:08] N
    What's this?
[00:09] N
    There are rambunctious youths
    causing a stir again.
[00:13] N
    But why are they in Shibuya?
[00:15] N
    Why do they always become
     rowdy in Shibuya?
SIGN    B
    a
    b
    y
[00:29] Tatami
    Look at them go.
[00:30] Tatami
    The youths of Shibuya are
    making a ton of noise.
[00:33] Landlady
    How terrifying...
[00:34] Landlady
    Shibuya has been overrun by monsters.
[00:37] Landlady
    It's the end of the world!
[00:39] Snow
    Apparently, it's a costume
    festival called Halloween.
[00:42] Snow
    Shibuya's on fire.
[00:44] Tatami
    What a bizarre event.
[00:46] Tatami
    It looks fun, though.
[00:49] Pumpkin
    Yo, what are you dressed as?
[00:51] Pumpkin
    A nun?
[00:52] Landlady
    How rude!
[00:53] Landlady
    This is my usual outfit.
[00:55] Landlady
    Fool!
[00:55] Scream
    This old lady's really going for it.
[00:57] Scream
    She's so pale, too.
[00:59] Landlady
    I hate this city.
[01:01] Landlady
    We must escape, quickly!
[01:03] Tatami
    What does Halloween have to do with Shibuya?
[01:06] Snow
    I don't know.
[01:07] Snow
    They probably aren't related.
[01:08] Tatami
    So why are they partying here?
[01:11] Snow
    I don't think humans care where
     they go, so long as they can party.
[01:14] Tatami
    That's how it was during the
    world soccer tournament, too.
[01:17] Tatami
    They were going crazy at the intersection.
[01:20] Snow
    There's a youth dancing there, too.
[01:23] Tatami
    Hey, you there, what kind of dance is that?
[01:26] Babby
    It's just a dance.
[01:27] Tatami
    The justadance, huh?
[01:29] Tatami
    I've never heard of it.
[01:30] Landlady
    Look! A truck's been flipped over.
[01:34] Landlady
    How terrible.
[01:35] Snow
    I think they're getting
    a little out of hand.
[01:37] Tatami
    Humans sure do like going crazy.
[01:39] Tatami
    Look, those strangers
    are hugging each other.
[01:42] Tatami
    They're usually so collected.
[01:44] Tatami
    Look how much they change.
[01:45] Snow
    Look, look.
[01:46] Snow
    There was an explosion at that store.
[01:47] Snow
    The party's turning extreme.
SIGN    Manager
[01:51] Manager
    We're out of control!
[01:53] Staff
    Time to blow off some steam!
SIGN    Staff
[01:56] Tatami
    Those guys aren't in costume. They're real.
[02:00] Priest
    Now's my chance to tickle the masses!
[02:03] Dog
    I can walk the streets
    with my head held high.
[02:07] Tatami
    There are some monsters out there, too.
[02:09] Tatami
    We don't have to worry about what
    people think of us, either, huh?
[02:12] Snow
    True.
[02:13] Snow
    This is a comfortable
    party for our kind, too.
[02:15] Tatami
    Well, then, why don't we get out there, too?
[02:18] Tatami
    Let's go!
[02:20] Police
    Hey, rowdy youth, cease your rioting!
[02:23] Landlady
    They've finally angered the police!
[02:26] Tatami
    I can't get enough!
[02:27] Tatami
    Woohoo! Anarchy!
[02:30] Police
    Disband immediately, fools!
[02:32] Police
    Disband!
[02:33] Tatami
    Destruction!
[02:37] Landlady
    Monsters and humans aren't
    very different, are we?
[02:40] Landlady
    This scene makes that abundantly clear.
[02:42] Landlady
    We are no different in that we are
    irrational, unpredictable creatures.
[02:47] Tatami
    Party! Party! Woo!
[02:49] Police
    Screw it all! You're all under arrest!
[02:51] Police
    Under arrest!
[02:52] Landlady
    Hey, what are you doing?!
[02:53] Landlady
    I haven't done anything!
[02:55] Landlady
    I was just walking by!
[02:57] Police
    Walking by? Are you sure?
[02:59] Police 2
    You look like you might
    curse someone to death!
[03:01] Landlady
    What prejudice!
[03:03] Landlady
    This is why I can't stand the police!
[03:04] Police
    Tie them all down!
[03:06] Landlady
    Hey, don't!
[03:07] Landlady
    Watch where you put your hands!
[03:10] N
    This festival, held once a year,
[03:13] N
    was one where the monsters and humans
    get to know each other better.
[03:17] N
    I suppose it's safe to say that
    Tatami-chan is doing well in Tokyo.
[03:24] N
    I look forward to seeing
[03:25] N
    how much a part of the human world
    she's become when next we see her.