E7 - The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—Of Course These Are Pastries! /The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:18] Viola
    Time to bake my best!
[01:06] Viola
    They're all set!
[01:12] Viola
    Mama!
[01:14] Viola
    Look at these!
[01:17] Alyssa
    What did you bake?
[01:38] Alyssa
    Poo—
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    The Circumstances of Yep—Oops— Of Course These Are Pastries!
[03:09] Alyssa
    "The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—
    Of Course These Are Pastries!"
[03:15] Viola
    Don't these chocolate cookies look yummy?
[03:17] Alyssa
    Huh?
[03:20] Alyssa
    Y-Yeah!
[03:21] Alyssa
    Chocolate cookies! Right...
[03:26] Viola
    Sometimes you just suddenly
    want to bake snacks, you know?
[03:32] Alyssa
    Th-They absolutely look like poop...
[03:35] Alyssa
    Do I scold her for playing
    with food, or...
[03:41] Alyssa
    L-Listen, Viola... Those cookies...
[03:46] Viola
    Oh, right.
[03:48] Viola
    I tried shaping them like coiled-up jinn eels!
[03:54] Viola
    I didn't get them quite right,
    so I'm a little embarrassed.
[03:57] Alyssa
    No, they're perfect!
    Anyone could see that they're eels!
[04:02] Viola
    Really?
[04:03] Viola
    Yay! A compliment from Mama!
[04:07] Alyssa
    Stupid, stupid Alyssa!
[04:10] Alyssa
    I'm terrible for thinking
    food looked like p—
[04:14] Alyssa
    My heart is impure.
[04:15] Alyssa
    Viola put her all into making these!
[04:23] Alyssa
    That's right, Alyssa.
    These cookies are coiled-up jinn eels!
[04:27] Eel 1
    It's me!
[04:30] Eel 2
    Nice to meet you!
[04:31] Eel 3
    Hello!
[04:32] Eel 4
    How are you?
[04:33] Eel 5
    Okay, okay!
[04:35] Eel 6
    Have a nice day!
[04:36] Eel 7
    Don't worry!
[04:37] Eel 8
    Here we go!
[04:39] Eel 9
    Oh my God!
[04:39] Eel 10
    Hi!
[04:40] Alyssa
    Now eels are all I see.
    They're starting to seem cute!
[04:45] Viola
    I couldn't really get
    this one to coil, though.
[04:49] Alyssa
    It's p—It's precious!
SIGN    Jinn Eel
SIGN    Jinn Eel
[04:54] Alyssa
    Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
[04:59] Viola
    Mama, what's wrong? Are you sick?
[05:01] Alyssa
    Don't worry, the only problem
    is with my head!
[05:05] Viola
    Why are you suddenly bashing yourself?!
[05:07] Viola
    I'm not sure what's wrong,
    but try eating a cookie to cheer up.
[05:12] Viola
    It's fresh from the oven, so it's piping hot!
[05:14] Alyssa
    Don't use tongs to hold it!
[05:17] Viola
    Huh? But it'd be dangerous
    to use my bare hands.
[05:21] Alyssa
    Y-You're right... That wouldn't be good...
[05:26] Alyssa
    I've got it!
[05:28] Alyssa
    I bet they only look like that 
    because they're brown.
[05:31] Alyssa
    I'm sure another color wouldn't bother me!
[05:35] Viola
    Mama?
[05:36] Alyssa
    Hey.
[05:37] Alyssa
    Want to make some in other flavors?
    I'll bake with you.
[05:43] Viola
    Yay! Sounds great!
[05:59] Viola
    I think Mama's having fun!
[06:01] Alyssa
    O-Oh, no! I'm 223 years old,
    but I couldn't help laughing
[06:06] Alyssa
    at the colorful array of p—
[06:11] Alyssa
    Snap out of it, Alyssa. These are jinn eels!
[06:16] Viola
    You know, I think we made a few too many.
[06:19] Viola
    Hey, let's give them as gifts!
[06:23] Alyssa
    Hold it right there!
[06:27] Viola
    Is this a good way to wrap them?
[06:30] Viola
    No putting them in plastic bags!
[06:33] Viola
    Is there something wrong
    with my cookies after all?
[06:36] Alyssa
    No, not at all!
[06:38] Viola
    But Mama, you've been acting weird.
[06:41] Viola
    I thought maybe you couldn't bear
    to tell me because you're too nice.
[06:44] Alyssa
    No, Viola, you've done nothing wrong!
[06:48] Alyssa
    I'm the one who's bad and wrong!
[06:50] Alyssa
    My impure heart makes me see the world wrong
[06:53] Alyssa
    because I'm a terrible mother
    who should be ashamed of herself!
[06:55] Viola
    That's going overboard!
[07:00] Alyssa
    Sorry I made you worry.
[07:03] Alyssa
    They're really good!
[07:06] Viola
    Really?
[07:07] Alyssa
    Mm-hmm!
[07:12] Alyssa
    They're so good, I can't help but smile!
[07:16] Viola
    Mama...
[07:17] Viola
    Thank goodness.
    Time for me to have one, too!
[07:31] Viola
    Mama?! Oh, no, I'll get you some water!
[07:34] Alyssa
    Wait, it's not stuck
    in my throat or anything—
[07:38] Phoenix
    I smell something sweet.
[07:51] Phoenix
    I do not approve of playing
    with one's food. Bad girl!
[07:56] Alyssa
    Th-This isn't what it looks like!
[08:02] Narrator
    Later, everyone enjoyed
    the cookies together.
[08:10] Narrator
    Jinn eels. Strictly speaking,
    they are not spirits,
[08:14] Narrator
    but monsters which strikingly
    resemble spotted garden eels.
[08:16] Narrator
    Despite their steely gaze,
    they are exceedingly mild-mannered.
[08:20] Narrator
    They come in diverse patterns and colors,
[08:22] Narrator
    and the golden jinn eel is said
    to be a symbol of good fortune.
[08:27] Golden Jinn Eel
    God bless you.
[08:34] Viola
    "And then they lived
    happily ever after. The end."
[08:42] Alyssa
    Viola, it's time to go to sleep.
[08:45] Viola
    Aw, but I'm not sleepy.
[08:47] Alyssa
    Sheesh.
[08:49] Alyssa
    If you don't go to sleep,
    the Sandmann will come for you!
[08:56] Viola
    Wow, I haven't heard that story in a while!
[08:59] Alyssa
    If kids stay up too late, he plucks
    out their eyes to take home!
[09:06] Viola
    I'm not scared.
[09:07] Viola
    I know that's just a made-up story
    to get kids to go to sleep.
[09:13] Viola
    He told me so himself.
[09:17] Sandmann
    It's all over.
[09:19] Alyssa
    He talked!
SIGN    The Insomnia Circumstances
    of the Sleep Fairy
[09:23] Sandmann
    "The Insomnia Circumstances
    of the Sleep Fairy."
[09:28] Narrator
    The Sandmann: a Sleep Fairy who carries
    a bag of magical sand on his back.
[09:34] Narrator
    Legend has it that he sprinkles the sand
    in people's eyes to make them sleep.
[09:40] Alyssa
    A-A-Are you really him?
[09:43] Sandmann
    I am.
[09:47] Sandmann
    Shall I pluck out your eyes to prove it?
[09:52] Alyssa
    He's gonna kill us!
[09:55] Sandmann
    I'm only joking.
[09:57] Sandmann
    As I told the dark-haired young lady,
[10:00] Sandmann
    that's just something people
    made up to get kids to sleep.
[10:03] Sandmann
    As real proof, and as my apology,
    I'll give you my autograph.
[10:09] Alyssa
    Th-Thank you?
[10:15] Viola
    Yay!
[10:19] Alyssa
    So, Mr. Sandmann,
    what brings you to our house?
[10:25] Sandmann
    Well...
[10:27] Sandmann
    I've been having trouble sleeping lately.
[10:29] Alyssa
    Even though you're a Sleep Fairy?!
[10:49] Sandmann
    The insomnia made me nod off mid-flight,
[10:53] Sandmann
    and I crashed through your window.
[10:57] Alyssa
    Th-That does explain the breeze in here.
[11:01] Viola
    I was reading him this book
    to help him sleep.
[11:04] Sandmann
    I apologize for the trouble.
[11:07] Viola
    It didn't work, though.
[11:09] Viola
    I see...
[11:12] Alyssa
    Wait.
[11:14] Alyssa
    Don't you have magic sand
    that puts people to sleep?
[11:19] Alyssa
    Isn't this the time to use it?
[11:24] Sandmann
    I'm afraid if I use it once,
    I won't be able to stop.
[11:28] Alyssa
    You've been putting addictive
    dust in people's eyes?!
[11:31] Sandmann
    I abide by the usage and dosing
    instructions, obviously!
[11:35] Sandmann
    Plus, I can put people to sleep
    without it by sitting on their eyelids.
[11:40] Man
    Wah! My eyelids feel so heavy!
[11:44] Alyssa
    That's scary in a different way.
[11:46] Sandmann
    But you're right, young lady.
    I'm ashamed of myself as a Sleep Fairy.
[11:52] Alyssa
    I'm sorry! I didn't mean to criticize you.
[11:56] Viola
    You don't have any idea what's causing it?
[12:00] Sandmann
    Stress, I suppose...
[12:03] Alyssa
    That's simple, yet heavy.
[12:05] Viola
    Then all we have to do is deal
    with the source of your stress!
[12:10] Viola
    If it's something a laser beam
    could take care of, I can help!
[12:13] Phoenix
    Yay.
[12:13] Alyssa
    Make that the last resort.
[12:17] Sandmann
    I appreciate the thought,
[12:19] Sandmann
    but the older we get, the more
    complicated our stress becomes.
[12:26] Sandmann
    One day, young lady,
[12:29] Sandmann
    you too will encounter something
    that can't be solved with force.
[12:34] Alyssa
    What are you teaching my child?!
[12:41] Viola
    Solving everything
    at once might be impossible,
[12:44] Viola
    but maybe we could get rid
    of one source at a time?
[12:47] Viola
    What's your biggest stress?
[12:51] Sandmann
    My wife leaving me the other day, I suppose.
[12:55] Viola
    He's right, a laser beam won't solve that.
[13:00] Sandmann
    Also, there's huge pressure on my bladder,
[13:03] Sandmann
    and the pain in all my joints bothers me.
[13:05] Alyssa
    Are you seeing a doctor like you should?
[13:08] Sandmann
    Not really.
[13:09] Viola
    We might be able to solve
    that one with a beam!
[13:13] Phoenix
    Eternal Breath: Version 2!
[13:21] Alyssa
    I don't think we should overuse Phoen!
[13:24] Viola
    But isn't Phoenix perfect for this?
[13:26] Viola
    He once knocked me out
    in less than a second.
[13:31] Sandmann
    That's terrifying without context.
[13:34] Alyssa
    It's not nice to call him up
    in the middle of the night, though.
[13:38] Alyssa
    Even if he's like family to us,
[13:41] Alyssa
    we still have to be considerate
    about when we summon.
[13:44] Phoenix
    This week I plan to detox
    at an active volcano.
[13:49] Viola
    You're right! Personal lives are important.
[13:53] Alyssa
    So, if you're willing to wait
    for another day,
[13:56] Alyssa
    we can introduce you to a phoenix
[13:57] Alyssa
    whose beams have life-
    and sleep-bringing effects...
[14:01] Sandmann
    I'll pass. Too scary.
[14:04] Viola
    You don't like beams?
[14:06] Viola
    Phoenix can sing a soothing melody, too!
[14:19] Viola
    Apparently, you hallucinate if you listen
    more than five minutes, though.
[14:23] Sandmann
    What is your family keeping here?!
[14:30] Alyssa
    I know! Would you like some hot milk?
[14:34] Alyssa
    It might relax you and make you sleepy.
[14:39] Sandmann
    Milk really is the solution?!
[14:47] Sandmann
    S-Sorry for getting agitated.
[14:50] Sandmann
    One of my colleagues pours
    milk in people's eyes...
[14:56] Narrator
    Ole Lukøje: a Sleep Fairy
    who wears rainbow clothes
[14:59] Narrator
    and carries two umbrellas.
[15:02] Narrator
    Legend has it that he pours milk
    on people's eyes to make them sleep.
[15:07] Sandmann
    That jerk and his flashy,
    pretentious clothes...
[15:11] Sandmann
    I hope he spills his milk,
    wipes it with a rag,
[15:13] Sandman
    sniffs it, and faints in agony!
[15:16] Alyssa
    The sandman industry has
     its circumstances too, huh?
[15:19] Viola
    Wow. If something has to go in
    my eyes, I'd prefer milk to sand.
[15:27] Sandmann
    A candid opinion from a patron!
[15:30] Alyssa
    P-P-Please calm down!
[15:33] Viola
    How about a lullaby, then?
[15:35] Viola
    When I was little, Mama's
    lullabies put me right to sleep.
[15:39] Alyssa
    Lullabyyy and goodniiight...
[15:47] Sandmann
    Let's try one, then.
[15:56] Alyssa
    What a weird sight...
[16:05] Alyssa
    He's staring at me!
[16:07] Alyssa
    M-Maybe you should close your eyes...
[16:11] Sandmann
    I'm sorry. You're being so kind to me,
[16:15] Sandmann
    which makes me feel so guilty
    that I'm wide awake.
[16:19] Alyssa
    Oh, no, did we pressure you?!
[16:23] Alyssa
    At this point, maybe it's best not to
    try to force yourself to sleep.
[16:28] Viola
    Good point.
[16:30] Viola
    Maybe he's thinking "I have to sleep" so hard
[16:32] Viola
    that it's having the opposite effect.
[16:37] Sandmann
    You must never think
    that you don't need sleep!
[16:40] Alyssa
    Huh?! Uh, y-y-yes, sir!
[16:42] Sandmann
    Insufficient sleep causes
    all sorts of health problems.
[16:46] Sandmann
    Depression, lifestyle-related diseases,
[16:49] Sandmann
    hormone imbalances,
    and autonomic dysfunctions.
[16:52] Sandmann
    The list goes on.
[16:54] Sandmann
    People stay up late
    thinking it's no big deal,
[16:56] Sandmann
    but if the sleep debt accumulates
    too much, only death awaits!
[17:00] Sandmann
    As a Sleep Fairy, let me say one thing!
[17:04] Sandmann
    Everyone go to sleep!
[17:08] Alyssa
    That's super compelling!
[17:14] Sandmann
    I mustn't put you to any more trouble.
[17:17] Sandmann
    I'll compensate you for the window tomorrow.
[17:22] Alyssa
    We can't just leave you alone!
[17:23] Viola
    You'll crash again!
[17:28] Viola
    I guess being a Sleep Fairy means he really
    pushes himself when it comes to sleep.
[17:32] Alyssa
    Putting him to sleep with magic
    would only be a stopgap.
[17:35] Alyssa
    It doesn't address the fundamental issue...
[17:39] Alyssa
    There's only one place to go.
[17:42] Viola
    Where?
[17:43] Narrator
    ZZZzzz
[17:47] Narrator
    The next day...
[17:49] Benny
    All right, that completes today's exam.
[17:53] Benny
    Let's work together
    to get you sleeping better.
[17:57] Benny
    You don't need to worry too much
    about your other symptoms.
[18:02] Benny
    If you have any other health concerns,
    feel free to consult us.
[18:06] Sandmann
    Thank you, doctor.
SIGN    Step right this way, sir.
[18:13] Sandmann
    All right.
SIGN    Take care!
[18:21] Sandmann
    You've done so much for me,
    more than I deserve.
[18:25] Sandmann
    I can't thank you enough.
[18:27] Alyssa
    Nonsense. I'm just glad
    the problem seems solvable.
[18:31] Alyssa
    Being a Sleep Fairy doesn't mean you need
    to be embarrassed about insomnia, okay?
[18:36] Alyssa
    Consulting a professional
    is definitely better
[18:39] Alyssa
    than trying to solve
    these things as a layman.
[18:42] Viola
    Don't bottle up your worries.
[18:45] Sandmann
    Yes. Next time I'll swallow my silly pride
    and ask a doctor for advice.
[18:52] Sandmann
    I plan to properly
    speak with my wife as well.
[18:55] Alyssa
    Please try not to angst
    too much about that, either.
[18:59] Sandmann
    Before I go, I know it's not much,
[19:02] Sandmann
    but here's a thank-you gift.
[19:07] Alyssa
    This is...
[19:09] Viola
    How pretty!
[19:10] Sandmann
    Evidently, my sand fetches
    a high price among humans.
[19:15] Sandmann
    Please, sell it and treat
    yourself to something.
[19:25] Alyssa
    So, I thought I'd do as he suggested.
[19:30] Giriko
    You're saying you have
    Sandmann sleep dust? For real?
[19:34] Alyssa
    Hmm? Yeah, I do.
[19:37] Giriko
    Are you kidding me?!
[19:39] Giriko
    Depending on how much you have, 
    you could get at least a million for it!
[19:44] Giriko
    It's a mega-rare item that's
    almost impossible to get!
[19:47] Giriko
    People would line up around
    the block to get some!
[19:50] Giriko
    Actually, I'm buying it!
[19:53] Giriko
    Tell no one you have it!
    It could attract dangerous thieves!
[19:58] Giriko
    Lock all your doors and
    windows until I get there.
[20:01] Giriko
    I'm far away right now for work,
    so I can't get there fast!
[20:22] Alyssa
    I can't sleep.
[20:25] Narrator
    We are told that in the several days
    before Giriko arrived,
[20:27] Narrator
    Alyssa couldn't sleep a wink.
[21:41] Alyssa
    This is Alyssa.
SIGN    Preview
[21:42] Viola
    This is Viola.
[21:43] Alyssa/Viola
    Next time on The Family Circumstances 
    of the Irregular Witch...
[21:46] Alyssa
    Luna cooks?!
[21:48] Viola
    A mysterious doctor targets Phoenix!
[21:50] Viola
    "The Cooking Circumstances
    of the Cursed Witch"!
[21:53] Alyssa
    "The Crazed Circumstances
    of the Phoenix's Exam"!
[21:55] Alyssa/Viola
    "Irregular Fairy Tale Theater"!
SIGN    The Cooking Circumstances
     of the Cursed Witch
SIGN    Irregular Fairy Tale Theater
SIGN    The Crazed Circumstances
     of the Phoenix's Exam
[21:57] Viola
    What's a fairy tale theater?
[21:59] Alyssa
    Wait and see!
[22:26] Narrator
    "I know I need to sleep.
    In fact, I want to sleep, but I can't."
[22:30] Narrator
    "What should I do?"
[22:31] Narrator
    Can you answer our viewer's question?
[22:35] Sandmann
    Ah, I see. I expressed myself poorly before.
[22:42] Sandmann
    But it's important to know
[22:43] Sandmann
    that there's a difference between
    "I don't sleep" and "I can't sleep."
[22:47] Sandmann
    There's no need to feel guilty
    for not being able to sleep!
[22:51] Sandmann
    Each of us has their own circumstances.
[22:55] Sandmann
    But I believe any inability to sleep
    is a serious warning sign.
[22:59] Sandmann
    It was for me.
[23:03] Sandmann
    Please, try to determine whether
    the cause is environmental or biological,
[23:08] Sandmann
    and use the appropriate organizations,
    facilities, and systems to resolve it.
[23:14] Sandmann
    At the risk of repeating myself, I assure you
    there's no need for guilt or shame.
[23:20] Sandmann
    I'd like you to value your desire to sleep.
[23:26] Sandmann
    That's what I, the Sleep Fairy,
    would like to advise anyone struggling.
[23:31] Sandmann
    I pray that you get peaceful sleep soon.
[23:35] Alyssa
    This somehow turned into
    a consultation corner.