E4 - The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc/The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Glind
    All right, full payment received.
SIGN    Orc furniture maker
SIGN    Glind
SIGN    Age 21
[00:10] Fennel
    Thanks for the great work, as always.
[00:14] Fennel
    Sorry for the rush delivery request.
[00:17] Glind
    I won't do it again.
[00:19] Fennel
    Anything I can hook you up with
    as a thank-you? I know all the vendors.
[00:25] Glind
    There is one thing.
[00:30] Glind
    I want a cute girlfriend.
[00:35] Fennel
    Go for it. There's some papier-mâché
    on the cabinet shelves.
[00:38] Glind
    You want me to make one?!
[00:40] Fennel
    Dang, this is fine work!
[00:42] Glind
    That's no way to treat a friend!
[00:45] Glind
    This is why girls don't like you,
    you damn elfin virgin!
[00:47] Fennel
    No one asked for your input,
    you damn orc virgin!
[00:51] Glind
    Please!
[00:52] Glind
    Introduce me to a tall, strong-willed,
    pretty, long-haired elf babe!
[00:58] Glind
    Even we orcs want a girl
    to mess us up once in a while!
[01:01] Fennel
    Don't say stuff like that! 
    It makes me wanna hook you up less!
[01:05] Glind
    Should you really say that to me?
[01:08] Glind
    You owe me for helpin' you
    set up business on my turf.
[01:15] Fennel
    If you're okay with a non-elf,
    I do know one girl that fits the bill.
[01:21] Glind
    Yay!
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc
[02:55] Glind
    "The Requesting Circumstances
    of the Late-Blooming Orc."
[03:05] Fennel
    So, this is Viola the witch.
[03:10] Glind
    What a pleasure to meet you!
[03:14] Viola
    Witch Kick!
[03:17] Fennel
    That's a dumb attack name!
[03:21] Viola
    Explain why you called me out of the blue
    and introduced me to a man.
[03:25] Viola
    I'd win any lawsuit over this.
[03:28] Fennel
    Yes, Miss Viola.
[03:35] Fennel
    I really am sorry! But you're
    the only one I can go to with this.
[03:40] Fennel
    All I'm asking is that you have tea with him!
[03:42] Viola
    Meh, don't wanna.
[03:44] Fennel
    Okay, then all I'm asking is for you
    to shout "crawl back to the swamp,"
[03:48] Fennel
    slap him in the face, and spit on him!
SIGN    Get lost!
SIGN    Get lost!
[03:53] Fennel
    Yes, ma'am.
[03:53] Viola
    That's less appealing!
[03:55] Fennel
    He's my friend, and I owe him,
    so I want to help him out.
[03:58] Fennel
    Just a few minutes, okay?
[04:02] Viola
    Well, he doesn't seem like a bad guy...
[04:08] Viola
    Fine. If you can meet my
    conditions, I'll talk with him.
[04:14] Fennel
    Lay 'em on me!
[04:16] Viola
    Say, "Please save my poor
    stupid loser self, Viola."
[04:22] Fennel
    P-Please save... my poor...
    stupid... loser self... Viola!
[04:33] Viola
    Of course.
[04:40] Waitress
    One cream soda.
[04:43] Fennel
    Okay, let's start over
    with self-introductions.
[04:47] Glind
    I'm Glind! I'm an orc!
[04:49] Viola
    I'm Viola. I'm a witch.
[04:54] Glind
    Fennel, you pulled it off.
    She's really cute!
[04:58] Fennel
    I did my part.
    Whatever happens next is on you.
[05:02] Fennel
    By the way, she may not look it,
    but she's still 16.
[05:05] Fennel
    Don't do anything creepy.
[05:09] Glind
    I wouldn't do that no matter
    how old she was.
[05:11] Fennel
    Also, she may suddenly get violent.
[05:15] Fennel
    If that happens, either flee at high speed
    or surrender unconditionally.
[05:19] Glind
    Wait, what?
[05:23] Viola
    So, how did you two become friends?
[05:27] Fennel
    I met him when I went
    to buy furniture from him.
[05:31] Glind
    We kind of hit it off,
    so we've kept up the relationship.
[05:37] Fennel
    It's been a pretty long time, huh?
[05:38] Viola
    Then would you know Fennel's weaknesses?
[05:42] Fennel
    Don't try to exploit our friendship.
[05:44] Glind
    I'll sell you any information you may desire!
[05:48] Fennel
    You backstabbing pig!
[05:52] Glind
    I make furniture for a living.
    I'm a pretty good general craftsman, too.
[05:57] Viola
    That's so impressive!
    I'm so clumsy, I'm jealous!
[06:03] Glind
    No, wielding magic is more impressive!
[06:05] Glind
    How do you do it?
[06:07] Viola
    Most things work out if you throw
    enough magical force at them.
[06:11] Glind
    Is magic usually a muscle-brain thing?
[06:14] Fennel
    I'm pretty sure it's just her.
[06:16] Viola
    Shall I try demonstrating summoning magic?
[06:19] Viola
    I can call up a monster
    who loves to eat live elves.
[06:24] Fennel
    Do not do that!
SIGN    Live Food Lover
SIGN    Live Food Lover
[06:30] Waitress
    Here's your parfait.
[06:33] Viola
    Thank you.
[06:34] Waitress
    Enjoy.
[06:35] Glind
    What's your type, by the way?
[06:38] Viola
    That'd be Mama.
[06:40] Glind
    Do you have a hobby?
[06:41] Viola
    That'd be Mama.
[06:43] Glind
    Uh, does she hate me?
[06:46] Fennel
    What? Of course not.
[06:48] Glind
    But she's not answering me seriously.
[06:51] Fennel
    It's fine. She means every word.
[06:53] Glind
    Is that really fine?!
[06:59] Viola
    My mom is an herbalist,
    so I help out with that.
[07:04] Viola
    And sometimes the townsfolk
    ask me to do magic for them.
[07:08] Viola
    Finding lost things, minor fortune
    telling, that kind of stuff.
[07:16] Viola
    I was actually supposed to go
    to the library with Mama today.
[07:20] Viola
    But Fennel was so insistent
    that Mama told me to do this for him.
[07:28] Viola
    Isn't Mama kind?
[07:31] Viola
    Unlike me.
[07:34] Viola
    You haven't done anything wrong, 
    Glind, so don't worry about it.
[07:38] Viola
    You haven't.
[07:40] Fennel
    Do you understand, now, that
    I risked my life to arrange this?
[07:44] Viola
    Gotcha! I was just joking.
[07:48] Viola
    Did I scare you?
[07:50] Fennel
    Liar! I know you were serious!
[07:53] Viola
    Was not!
[07:54] Viola
    Obviously, I wouldn't have come here
    if I had plans with Mama.
[07:57] Fennel
    That part was the joke?!
[08:00] Viola
    But don't get me wrong! I didn't mean
    that I didn't want to meet you, Glind.
[08:04] Glind
    It's all right. It's my fault
    for asking so much.
[08:10] Glind
    Viola, you're a kind, compassionate person.
[08:15] Fennel
    Consider her attitude toward me
    before you say that!
[08:18] Glind
    She must be a wonderful mother,
    if you respect her so much.
[08:22] Glind
    I'd love to meet her one day.
[08:27] Fennel
    You'd better not be after Alyssa.
[08:31] Viola
    Get close to Mama
     and I'll show you no mercy.
[08:33] Glind
    What?!
[08:35] Glind
    You've got it all wrong!
    That's not my intent!
[08:37] Glind
    I have no interest in her at all!
[08:39] Fennel
    You've got no right to say that
    when you've never even met her!
[08:42] Viola
    Are you calling Mama unappealing?!
[08:44] Glind
    What do you want from me?!
[08:47] Viola
    But I like that you grasped what a wonderful
    mother she is from so little information.
[08:51] Viola
    You have good instincts.
[08:53] Glind
    I think she just accepted me.
[08:55] Viola
    You can come visit our house
    if you promise never to flirt with her!
[09:00] Viola
    You're my new friend, after all!
[09:02] Glind
    Ba-dum.
[09:03] Viola
    FYI, I don't mean, "let's start
    with friendship."
[09:07] Viola
    I mean, "this will never progress
    beyond friendship."
[09:11] Glind
    Thank you for not leaving me
    false hope, I guess.
[09:16] Waitress
    Here's your bill.
[09:18] Fennel
    Right, thanks.
[09:20] Restaurant Staff
    Thank you very much!
[09:25] Glind
    Aw, she's not interested.
[09:28] Fennel
    Don't give up on her.
    It's not like there's zero hope.
[09:34] Fennel
    I'm on your side, no matter what.
    I'll support you.
[09:39] Glind
    Fennel...
[09:41] Fennel
    Plus, if she gets a lover, her
    over-protectiveness for Alyssa might let up.
[09:45] Glind
    So it's about you?!
[09:46] Glind
    I don't want to be "supported"
    out of self-interest!
[09:49] Fennel
    Why not?! I'm saying let's help each
    other out as two self-interested men!
[09:53] Glind
    Don't get mad at me!
[09:55] Fennel
    I'm telling you, it's fine.
    She's got some big weak spots.
[09:59] Fennel
    You can do this if you push it!
[10:01] Fennel
    And if you two get together,
    that'll be the perfect setup
[10:04] Fennel
    for me to get closer to Alyssa
    while she's lonely for her kid!
[10:08] Glind
    Um...
[10:11] Viola
    You left your wallet at the restaurant.
[10:25] Viola
    I'm home!
[10:28] Alyssa
    Welcome—hmm? Who is this?
[10:32] Viola
    This is Glind. We made friends!
[10:36] Alyssa
    Hello! I'm Alyssa, Viola's mother.
[10:41] Alyssa
    Er...
[10:42] Glind
    ...won't defy...
[10:43] Glind
    ...defy...
[10:46] Glind
    I will never defy your daughter, ma'am.
[10:50] Alyssa
    What happened today?!
[10:51] Viola
    Nothing, why?
[11:09] Alyssa
    I'm home!
[11:11] Viola
    Welcome back!
[11:13] Viola
    You left so suddenly. What were you—
[11:16] Viola
    Mama, what's that?
[11:19] Alyssa
    Let me show you.
[11:23] Viola
    You laid an egg, Mama?!
[11:25] Alyssa
    Why would you think that?!
SIGN    The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister
[11:28] Viola
    "The Monitoring Circumstances
    of the Egg and Big Sister."
[11:32] Viola
    I didn't know angels laid eggs.
[11:35] Alyssa
    I'm hearing some scary things 
    from you, but they're wrong!
[11:39] Alyssa
    This is a lizardkin egg!
[11:42] Viola
    Lizardkin? Does it belong to
    Guita and Malak from town?
[11:49] (Flashback) Gita
    Sorry this is so last-minute!
[11:51] Alyssa
    Yep, the hunter couple.
SIGN    Lizardkin hunter
SIGN    Guita             Age 27
[11:54] Alyssa
    A job came in that they need
    to work together on,
[11:56] Alyssa
    so they asked me to watch their egg.
SIGN    Malak / Ditto / Age 31
[11:59] Viola
    Sorry, Mama. The shock got me all confused.
[12:03] Alyssa
    I didn't hatch from an egg, by the way.
[12:06] Viola
    So you were born from a flower!
[12:10] Baby Alyssa
    Goo goo!
[12:11] Alyssa
    Are you still confused?!
[12:15] Alyssa
    Anyway, do you want to
    try holding the egg, Viola?
[12:19] Viola
    Me?!
[12:20] Alyssa
    Uh-huh!
[12:30] Alyssa
    People who aren't used to babies
    have a special sort of awkwardness...
[12:38] Viola
    I can't! I'm afraid I'll drop it!
[12:40] Alyssa
    It's scary when you're not used to it, huh?
[12:43] Viola
    But I guess the baby's
    protected inside the egg.
[12:47] Viola
    I'd probably be even scareder
    with a human baby.
[12:51] Alyssa
    You're right, the egg
    is pretty hard to break,
[12:53] Alyssa
    but they still seem to worry.
[12:55] (Flashback) Gita
    I'm terrified every day
[12:58] (Flashback) Gita
    that I'll leave it somewhere,
    or break it, or let it get kidnapped.
[13:03] (Flashback) Gita
    I wish I could keep it inside me
    until the baby's born, like a human.
[13:07] Narrator
    Egg-rearing pressure!
SIGN    Egg-rearing Pressure
[13:09] Viola
    I guess it's rough for everyone...
[13:13] Viola
    Oh, hey—do different eggs
    have different markings?
[13:17] Alyssa
    They vary, but eggs from the same parents
    all have the same basic pattern.
[13:24] Alyssa
    So apparently, affairs by female lizardkin
    always get found out...
SIGN    First
    Child
SIGN    First
    Child
SIGN    Second
    Child
SIGN    First
    Child
SIGN    Second
    Child
[13:33] Viola
    That's dark.
[13:44] Phoenix
    Who is that egg-based creature?!
[13:48] Viola
    I bet this is what the husband acts like.
[13:53] Phoenix
    I see, a lizardkin child.
[13:57] Phoenix
    If I touch it, I might invite calamity.
[14:01] Viola
    Huh? Is there a legend about that?
[14:04] Phoenix
    Nay. But I thought the parents would not like
[14:07] Phoenix
    a stranger getting touchy with their baby.
[14:10] Viola
    His reason was grounded in reality.
[14:13] Phoenix
    As the big sister, thou shouldst care for it
    with devotion enough for us both.
[14:19] Viola
    Big sister?
[14:24] Viola
    Say, Mama. Want me to change its diaper?
[14:27] Alyssa
    But it's still in its shell.
[14:30] Viola
    Then should we give it a bath?
[14:32] Alyssa
    Guita said they don't bathe babies
    while they're still in the shell.
[14:35] Viola
    Oh...
[14:37] Alyssa
    But the lizardkin village has a tradition
[14:40] Alyssa
    of putting eggs in a special spring
    and praying for their health.
SIGN    Local Event
[14:46] Viola
    Wow, that's kind of cute!
[14:49] Phoenix
    It soundeth like egg-boiling.
[14:51] Alyssa
    Hey!
[14:54] Alyssa
    Look, Phoen, now Viola's on the defensive
    because of your insensitive remark!
[15:00] Phoenix
    The maternal instinct bareth its fangs.
[15:06] Alyssa
    There aren't many things we can do
    for an unhatched baby,
[15:08] Alyssa
    since eggs don't need baths,
    diapers, or feeding.
[15:12] Viola
    Aw, I wanna do something for it!
[15:17] Alyssa
    In that case, why not read it a story?
[15:21] Alyssa
    Babies can hear outside sounds
    even while they're still in eggs
[15:24] Alyssa
    or in their moms' tummies!
[15:27] Viola
    Then I'll explain the pictures
    in your album to it!
[15:30] Viola
    I'll soothe it with the cutest
    thing in the world.
[15:33] Phoenix
    I bid thee to select thy educational
    materials by normal standards.
[15:37] Alyssa
    Exactly! Let's do Viola's album instead!
[15:40] Phoenix
    I bid thee learnest from
    the mistakes of others.
[15:43] Phoenix
    If sounds reach it,
    perhaps my song would suit?
[15:47] Phoenix
    I shall serenade it with
    the warblings of the little birds.
[15:51] Alyssa
    "Little"?
[15:52] Viola
    Is that okay? There won't be a weird wave?
[15:56] Phoenix
    Thou woundest me.
[15:57] Phoenix
    My song bringeth serenity to all life,
    regardless of species.
[16:03] Phoenix
    It shall lead ye to peace of mind as well!
[16:08] Viola
    I kind of want to hear that!
[16:12] Phoenix
    The visual and auditory hallucinations
    which beset listeners after the fifth minute
[16:15] Phoenix
    are its only drawback.
[16:17] Viola
    Then there is a wave!
[16:22] Alyssa
    I'll hold it, so why don't
    we just talk to it normally?
[16:26] Viola
    Okay, I'll do that.
[16:28] Viola
    Grow up big and strong!
[16:31] Viola
    Specifically, around five meters!
[16:36] Alyssa
    Your expectation is too high!
[16:38] Alyssa
    I think we should avoid putting pressure
    on the baby before it's even born.
[16:42] Viola
    Good point. We want kids
    to grow up free and independent.
[16:46] Viola
    Either big or small is okay!
[16:49] Viola
    Even not being a lizardkin is okay!
[16:53] Seaweed Baby
    I wanna be seaweed!
[16:55] Alyssa
    That's too much freedom!
[17:11] Gita
    Thanks so much for today.
[17:13] Alyssa
    Nonsense, it was my pleasure.
[17:16] Malak
    A token of our thanks.
[17:18] Malak
    It's an ostrich egg boiled
    in a magma hot spring.
[17:20] Narrator
    This is a gift associated with
    the lizardkin village's baby blessing event.
[17:26] Narrator
    It's a sort of dark joke which non-locals
    aren't sure whether to laugh at or not.
[17:31] Narrator
    It's tasty.
[17:33] Malak
    You can do whatever you want with this egg.
[17:37] Alyssa
    Th-Thank you.
[17:41] Gita
    Did Viola help look after it, too?
[17:44] Alyssa
    Yes, and so did Phoen!
[17:46] Malak
    Who's "Phoen"?
[17:48] Phoenix
    Thou calledst?
[17:51] Malak
    What's with this giant bird?!
[17:52] Phoenix
    Hmm? Me?
[17:52] Alyssa
    Er, he's a phoenix. He's Viola's familiar.
[17:56] Gita
    My, how impressive!
[17:59] Gita
    Viola.
[18:02] Gita
    Give it a hug goodbye.
[18:04] Viola
    Huh?
[18:04] Viola
    Oh, no, I haven't even held it!
    I don't have experience, so I might drop it!
[18:10] Gita
    Don't worry! No baby of ours is that fragile.
[18:14] Gita
    Here.
[18:21] Alyssa
    Wonderful! You're holding it really well.
[18:24] Gita
    She's right. Keep being friends, all right?
[18:29] Viola
    Okay!
[18:31] Viola
    I'll support this baby even if
    it turns into seaweed.
[18:36] Gita
    Where did that come from?!
[18:48] Fennel
    Alyssa invited me to eat with her.
    My time has finally come!
[19:14] Fennel
    So what is this, exactly?
[19:17] Viola
    A friend-making club, maybe?
[19:19] Fennel
    How old do you think I am?
[19:23] Fennel
    Er, Viola... Are you by any chance
    holding a grudge about the café date?
[19:29] Viola
    Oh, no. I just thought
    maybe you'd back off of Mama
[19:34] Viola
    if you made some new friends.
[19:37] Fennel
    You're totally holding a grudge!
[19:41] Viola
    You brought me someone last time, right?
[19:44] Viola
    So this time, I brought you someone.
[19:49] Fennel
    Me?
[19:52] Fennel
    Are you really introducing me
    to one of your female friends?
[19:56] Fennel
    No, Fennel! Alyssa is your one and only!
[20:02] Viola
    This is Live Food Lover.
[20:06] Fennel
    You are obviously holding a grudge!
[20:09] Fennel
    Dammit, Viola!
[20:10] Fennel
    More importantly, what are you 
    doing here? Stay away from me!
[20:15] Viola
    Livie wants to get to know you better.
[20:17] Viola
    Good for you, getting a love confession.
[20:20] Fennel
    This is a different kind of love!
    Specifically, the "favorite food" kind!
[20:25] Viola
    That's not a nice thing to say.
[20:28] Viola
    People who can't respond
    to others' emotions with kindness
[20:31] Viola
    are Mama's least favorite type.
[20:40] Fennel
    Too scary!
[20:41] Fennel
    Its name is threatening,
[20:43] Fennel
    and I don't get the point 
    of a monster who only eats elves!
[20:47] Live Food Lover
    Oh, but I love the morning dew
    and the flowers' nectar, too.
[20:51] Fennel
    You can talk?
[20:54] Fennel
    H-Hey, stop!
[20:55] Fennel
    Viola! Don't just watch, help me!
[20:58] Fennel
    We're at the limit here!
[21:01] Viola
    See you later!
[21:03] Viola
    The third wheel will leave so
    you two can have a good time.
[21:07] Fennel
    W-Wait! Don't leave us alone!
[21:11] Fennel
    Hey! Hey!
[21:20] Fennel
    Um...
[21:22] Fennel
    You like flowers' nectar, right?
[21:40] Fennel
    Help me!
[21:42] Fennel
    Help!
[21:44] Viola
    Hmm... Maybe I went a little too far.
SIGN    Preview
[22:59] Viola
    This is Alyssa!
[23:00] Viola
    This is Viola!
[23:01] Alyssa
    Ready, go:
[23:02] Alyssa/Viola
    Next time on The Family Circumstances 
    of the Irregular Witch...
[23:05] Alyssa
    Fennel tells us the secrets of his hometown.
[23:07] Viola
    Yay! Potato-digging with Mama!
[23:10] Alyssa
    "The Classified Circumstances
    of the Elfin Forest"!
[23:11] Viola
    "The Potato-Digging Circumstances
    of Love and Legend"!
SIGN    The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest
SIGN    The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend
[23:14] Alyssa
    Hey, Viola, what is that running thing?!
[23:16] Viola
    That? Just a potato.