Season 1 E1 - The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family/The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] Narrator     Once upon a time, there was     a witch who lived in a forest. [00:30] Alyssa     A-A baby? [00:34] Alyssa     This is a human baby, right?! [00:37] Alyssa     But I kinda sense magic—     so is it a witch baby?! [00:40] Alyssa     Wait, how much magic am I sensing? [00:42] Alyssa     Not a baby amount! [00:43] Alyssa     Okay, focus: Why is it in the woods? [00:45] Alyssa     Where are its parents? Is it lost?     Was it abandoned? [01:06] Narrator     Time went by, and... [01:11] Viola     I'd like this, please! [01:13] Man     Sure, one moment— [01:14] Man     Well, my goodness. [01:18] Man     A witch, and... [01:19] Man     Her apprentice, perhaps? [01:22] Viola     That's right! SIGN    The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family [02:59] Alyssa/Viola     "The Irregular Circumstances     of the Close-Knit Family"! [03:04] Man     My, you two must be very close. [03:07] Man     You're practically stuck together! [03:10] Viola     Yes! [03:10] Viola [THOUGHT]     For me... [03:12] Viola     Getting lost is a problem. [03:16] Man     How wonderful. You really     care about your apprentice. [03:20] Viola [THOUGHT]     For Mama... [03:21] Viola     A nice compliment! [03:29] Viola     La la la la! [03:31] Viola     ♪ Oh, it's so fun! Shopping with Mama! ♪ [03:38] Viola     Hey, Mama, I wanna visit     the item shop. SIGN    Viola / Human: Age 16 [03:43] Alyssa     No! SIGN    Alyssa / Witch: Age 223 [03:46] Viola     Aw, why? [03:47] Alyssa     Today, we're only shopping     for tea party snacks, [03:50] Alyssa     so we're not going to buy anything else! [03:55] Viola     Aw, please, Mama! [03:57] Viola     Buy me a phoenix-summoning stone! [04:01] Alyssa     I said, "no"! [04:03] Alyssa     You summoned a volcano     dragon just the other day. [04:07] Viola     Meanie! I want a phoenix!     I'm gonna summon a phoenix! [04:12] BAckground     What's going on? [04:12] Alyssa     Viola, stop... [04:12] Viola     Phoenix! I wanna summon a phoenix! [04:16] Alyssa     You're attracting attention! [04:16] Viola     Nothing else is good enough! [04:19] Viola     Meanie! Meanie! Meanie! [04:19] BAckground     She's that desperate to summon? [04:23] Lira     Honestly, you're always such a softie. [04:27] Lira     Folded like a house of cards, eh? [04:30] Viola     I'm ashamed to say it, but yes. SIGN    Lira SIGN    Age 40 SIGN    Item shop owner [04:32] Lira     I'm jealous of how close you two are. [04:35] Lira     My son called me an old hag, [04:38] Lira     so I split his two buns into six. [04:41] Viola     Are you sure that's safe?! SIGN    Pull-Apart Bread [04:42] Lira     It's fine! That's how firm you gotta be     with kids in their rebellious phase. [04:47] Lira     Better prepare yourself, Alyssa. [04:49] Alyssa     What? [04:50] Viola     Oh, wow! It's so cool! [04:55] Alyssa     She's still just a little girl. [04:58] Alyssa     The rebellious phase is a long way off. [05:00] Lira     Don't be ridiculous.     Viola is 16 already, right? [05:04] Lira     She's overdue. [05:06] Alyssa     What? But 16 is still a baby! [05:09] Alyssa     She was an embryo not too long ago! [05:12] Lira     You can't measure her on a witch's scale. [05:15] Viola     Mama! [05:17] Viola     I picked this one. [05:18] Lira     Thanks for your business! [05:24] Alyssa     Rebellious phase, huh? [05:26] Alyssa     If Viola has one, I'll need     to scold her for acting out. [05:30] Alyssa     Maybe I should start being stricter     on a daily basis, like Lira... [05:36] Viola     Mama? [05:39] Viola     Thank you. I'll take good care of it. [05:43] Alyssa     Of course! [05:44] Alyssa     Aw, she's cute, so it's fine! [05:46] Narrator     The doting parent. [05:48] Alyssa     I know it's early, but     why don't we have lunch? [05:50] Viola     Yay! I want a chicken sandwich! [05:54] Alyssa     Oh? Didn't you tell me this morning     that you wanted omelet rice? [05:57] Viola     I changed my mind. Chicken sandwich! [06:00] Alyssa     All right. Let's go, then. [06:02] Viola     Yay! [06:05] Tory (Man A)     That witch is such a babe! [06:06] Sugalee (Man B)     Go try talking to her! [06:08] Tory     No, you should do it. [06:08] Alyssa     They must mean Viola.     I guess everyone's drawn to her! [06:12] Alyssa     I thought she was too young     for romance, but... [06:14] Alyssa     What does she think right now? [06:18] Viola     "Witch"? They're thinking     dirty thoughts about Mama. [06:21] Viola     I'll curse them so that peanuts     fall out of their butts forever. [06:25] Narrator     She was thinking about violence! [06:29] Parnan     Hello, Miss. Are you alone? [06:32] Viola     You may leave. [06:34] Parnan     I-I'm sorry! [06:37] Parnan     No good, huh? [06:41] Alyssa     Oh, I see! [06:42] Viola     You gotta watch out, Mama! [06:44] Alyssa     Huh? [06:45] Viola     Watch out for flirts! [06:46] Viola     You're super-cute! I wish     you'd be more conscious of that. [06:51] Alyssa     Don't worry, nobody's ever flirted with Mama. [06:56] Alyssa     And I'm not beautiful like you. [06:59] Viola     Lies! I know for a fact you're     in more danger than me! [07:03] Viola     People flirt with you all the time     when I'm not next to you. [07:07] Dorolee     Hi, honey, come play with me. [07:10] Alyssa     Th-That's not flirting! [07:15] Giriko     That story is too good! [07:18] Luna     I agree. [07:19] Alyssa     It's not funny! SIGN    Witch-Girl Time [07:21] Narrator     Girl time for witches, aka "Witch-Girl Time." [07:24] Giriko     If you don't want people to confuse     the witch with the apprentice, [07:28] Giriko     just dress her to fit the image. SIGN    Childhood friend witch SIGN    Giriko Age 220 [07:34] Luna     Yes. Actually, I order you     to wear something witchier. SIGN    Childhood friend witch SIGN    Luna Age 221 [07:40] Alyssa     But she wants to wear that stuff... [07:43] Viola     So cool! [07:45] Alyssa     Besides, when I get clothes or food,     I always give the best of it to Viola. [07:51] Luna     Such a mom. [07:52] Giriko     Total mom. [07:53] Alyssa     Plus... [07:55] Alyssa     When I wear witchy clothes...     they look like a Halloween costume. [08:00] Imaginary Alyssa     Trick or treat! [08:01] Giriko     Ah. [08:02] Giriko     Well, never mind, Alyssa. Viola     could have a lover in no time! [08:10] Luna     Very true! You should prepare yourself. [08:13] Luna     Girls grow up fast, after all. [08:17] Alyssa     Yeah, you're right. [08:20] Alyssa     Someday she'll grow up and     strike out on her own, huh? [08:25] Alyssa     I have to steel myself so     I'll be ready to encourage her in that. [08:30] Giriko     Alyssa... [08:32] Luna     Such a mom. [08:33] Giriko     Total mom. [08:34] Viola     Mama! [08:36] Viola     Mama, can I keep the phoenix I summoned? [08:40] Phoenix     Seekest thou power? [08:43] Alyssa     No! Put him back where he came from! [08:44] Viola     Aw, why? [08:47] Alyssa     I said, "no"! [08:48] Viola     No fair! [08:48] Luna     Parenting is hard, huh? [08:49] Alyssa     Put him back! [08:51] Viola     But I just summoned him! [08:51] Giriko     I'm good with at least 50     more years of the single life. [08:52] Alyssa     I won't allow it! [08:54] Viola     Oh, you're here already, aunties? [08:57] Giriko/Viola     You mean "sisters". [08:58] Alyssa     Now, now. [09:00] Alyssa     We're over 200 years old,     so "aunties" seems fine to— [09:05] Luna     Don't act so blasé about aging just     because your body's doing it slowly. [09:10] Giriko     If you think you'll be girlish     forever, you're sorely mistaken. [09:13] Alyssa     I-I'm sorry... [09:14] Viola     No bullying Mama! [09:17] Luna     Nonsense, we were just playing. [09:20] Giriko     Yeah, it was an expression of love. [09:22] Viola     That's worse! [09:25] Luna     Girls are so complicated during puberty. [09:29] Giriko     She really has grown so much. [09:33] Narrator     Thirteen years ago... [09:39] (Flashback) Viola     Boob. [09:42] (Flashback) Viola     Mama! Boobies! [09:44] (Flashback) Alyssa     Sorry, honey, Mama can't     give you her boobies. [09:47] (Flashback) Viola     Bye-bye boobies? [09:50] (Flashback) Giriko     That's right. Your mama has no boobies. [09:53] (Flashback) Luna     Work hard to make up for that, okay? [09:56] (Flashback) Alyssa     You phrased that like     you meant something else! [10:00] Giriko     Good for you! [10:02] Giriko     You worked really hard. [10:14] Giriko     Thanks for the tea! [10:16] Luna     See you later. [10:17] Alyssa     Yep, get home safe. [10:19] Viola     Bye-bye! [10:21] Viola     Come back soon, aunties! [10:24] Giriko/Viola     You mean "sisters"! [10:29] Viola     What? Dating? [10:30] Alyssa     I mean, you're at that age, right? [10:34] Alyssa     So I wondered if you were     interested in that stuff... [10:36] Viola     Why would you say that out of nowhere?! [10:39] Viola     I've never even thought about dating. [10:41] Viola     And I'm not interested at all. [10:43] Alyssa     Oh, good. [10:45] Viola     But actually... [10:46] Viola     I think a lot about what I'd do     if you dated someone. [10:50] Viola     Don't you worry. I run     different simulations in my mind, [10:53] Viola     so that I'll be ready to     obliterate anyone at any time. [10:57] Alyssa     Why?! [11:03] Viola     Why did she suddenly bring that up? [11:07] Viola     Don't tell me Mama found someone?! [11:10] Alyssa     How lovely! [11:12] Viola     No! Mama's being stolen from me! [11:15] Alyssa     What? What's the matter?! [11:17] Viola     Don't date anyone, Mama! [11:20] Alyssa     There, there. I've never     considered it even once in my life. [11:25] Alyssa     If you want a papa, though,     I can make an effort... I guess... [11:32] Viola     I'd never say that! [11:36] Viola     If I wanted a papa, I could make one myself! [11:39] Alyssa     You mustn't create new life so casually! [11:44] Alyssa     Viola. [11:47] Alyssa     I mean it. [11:49] Alyssa     I've never considered dating. [11:52] Alyssa     It's always been fun just being with you. [11:56] Alyssa     So I'm plenty happy with just the two of us. [12:00] Viola     Mama... [12:01] Papa Golem     Mama! [12:03] Alyssa     I just said two and now there are four! [12:05] Viola     Fight! [12:06] Viola     Phoenix, Papa, do your best! [12:08] Papa Golem     Over the top! [12:09] Phoenix     I like thy spirit. [12:12] Alyssa     Viola. [12:26] Viola     What brought this on? [12:31] Alyssa     Oh, no reason. SIGN    16 Years Ago [12:36] Narrator     Sixteen years ago... [12:38] Giriko/Luna     What?! [12:39] Giriko/Luna     Raise a baby you found?! [12:42] Giriko     That's a lot of work.     Will you be able to do it alone? [12:46] Luna     It's a big responsibility!     And it's not easy! [12:50] (Flashback) Alyssa     I know that. [12:54] (Flashback) Alyssa     It's okay. I'll stay by your side. SIGN    The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form [13:08] Alyssa     "The Educational Circumstances     of the Mysterious Life-form." [13:15] Alyssa     You want a familiar? [13:17] Viola     Yeah. A cool one! [13:21] Alyssa     That explains why she's been     so into summoning lately. [13:25] Viola     So, Mama... [13:29] Phoenix     Delicious. [13:30] Viola     I can keep Phoenix, right? [13:32] Alyssa     He's here again?! [13:36] Alyssa     We can't take care of either     a phoenix or a dragon at home. [13:40] Viola     Okay. [13:41] Alyssa     Therefore... [13:44] Alyssa     Instead of a fantasy beast, why don't     we get you something more standard? [13:48] Alyssa     What do you think? [13:51] Viola     I like fantasy beasts, 'cause they're cooler... [13:54] Viola     Well, it's a little conventional,     but how about a cat? [13:57] Alyssa     That could be great! [13:59] Alyssa     I love cats! [14:01] Alyssa     I had a bunch when I was a kid. [14:06] Viola     No cats. I think they'd steal your love. [14:09] Alyssa     The possessiveness of an only child... [14:13] Alyssa     C'mon, let's get a cat! Cats are great! [14:17] Alyssa     They're the traditional witch's familiar, [14:19] Alyssa     and they're really popular     in the witching industry! [14:22] Viola     No! You're already swooning at the idea! [14:26] Alyssa     It's okay, I'm sure you'll fall in love, too! [14:30] Alyssa     Cats are fluffy, and so cute! [14:33] Viola     I know, but... [14:35] Alyssa     I mean really fluffy! [14:36] Alyssa     Fluffy, and fuzzy, and silky,     and soft, and warm! [14:41] Alyssa     Squooshy, and soft, and just so fluffy, [14:44] Alyssa     and they can stretch so     much, and... soft kitty! [14:46] Alyssa     Soft kitty! [14:47] Viola     You're scaring me. [14:49] Viola     Look hard! [14:50] Viola     I'm softer than they are! [14:52] Alyssa     Ahem. Let's get back on topic. [14:56] Alyssa     If we're going with classic familiars,     why not an owl or a crow? [15:02] Alyssa     They're clever and cute. [15:03] Viola     Don't wanna. Either would     probably steal your love. [15:07] Alyssa     Her selection criteria have gotten weird. [15:11] Alyssa     What are you doing? [15:12] Viola     Look! SIGN    Strong SIGN    laser beams      from its sides SIGN    poops     a lot SIGN    creepy legs [15:13] Viola     I'll pick a gross monster that     you would never dote over! [15:18] Alyssa     Do you really want a familiar like that?! [15:26] Alyssa     Listen, Viola... [15:28] Alyssa     We won't find one with only a vague image, [15:31] Alyssa     so let's think about it more specifically. [15:34] Viola     Good point. [15:36] Viola     Um... [15:39] Viola     Okay, then... SIGN    Familiar SIGN    Familiar [15:51] Viola     I want a familiar who's strong,     and big, and cool, [15:53] Viola     and super flashy, who can shoot laser beams! [15:58] Alyssa     Her taste is like a boy's. [16:02] Alyssa     That's a little greedy, [16:03] Alyssa     so could you narrow it down     to your must-haves? SIGN    Let's lower     the bar [16:07] Narration     Let's lower the bar. [16:09] Viola     Awww. [16:13] Viola     Okay, then. SIGN    Familiar [16:16] Viola     Go! SIGN    Familiar [16:21] Viola     I'll take a familiar who     can shoot laser beams! [16:23] Alyssa     That's the point I most     wanted you to compromise on! [16:26] Viola     Say, do the aunties have familiars? [16:30] Viola     I don't think I've ever seen them. [16:31] Alyssa     They sure do! They've never     brought them here, though. [16:35] Viola     What kind? [16:36] Alyssa     Let's see... [16:38] Alyssa     Giriko's... [16:40] Alyssa     is a snake. [16:42] Giriko     Peace. [16:43] Viola     Oh, that suits her! [16:45] Alyssa     And Luna's... [16:50] Alyssa     Well, I guess you could say her     familiars... beg for the privilege... [16:56] Viola     What? That's so cool! [17:02] Viola     Come to think of it, you     don't have a familiar. [17:06] Viola     Why not? [17:08] Alyssa     Well, familiars are usually     for research or protection... [17:13] Alyssa     Basically, you make a contract with one     when you want help with something. [17:18] Alyssa     You help me with everything, so     I guess I don't need a familiar. [17:24] Viola     Yes! I'll help! [17:26] Viola     I'll make mincemeat out of any bad guys! [17:29] Alyssa     I think I'd like all help to     be as humane as possible... [17:35] Alyssa     More importantly, becoming     a living being's guardian [17:38] Alyssa     is a lot of responsibility. [17:43] Giriko     That's a lot of work.     Will you be able to do it alone? [17:47] Luna     It's a big responsibility!     And it's not easy! [17:54] Alyssa     So if you're going to get a familiar, Viola, [17:57] Alyssa     think it over carefully. SIGN    The Next Day [18:05] Viola     Mama? [18:06] Alyssa     Coming! [18:08] Alyssa     What is it? [18:10] Viola     Um... [18:12] Alyssa     What's that? [18:14] Viola     A flower seedling. [18:15] Alyssa     Um... [18:17] Viola     I thought things over when     you asked me to yesterday. [18:21] Viola     I was so happy I can do summon     magic that I got carried away. [18:25] Viola     I was taking familiars too lightly. [18:30] Viola     So I want to start by raising a plant. [18:35] Alyssa     Viola... [18:36] Viola     But I'm not taking plants     lightly either, I swear! [18:39] Viola     I'll take care of it! [18:41] Alyssa     Okay. [18:42] Viola     I'll work extra hard to make up     for returning Papa to the soil so soon. [18:47] Papa     Recycling... [18:48] Alyssa     He was a golem, honey! You     couldn't have done anything else! [18:51] Alyssa     But it's okay. I know you can do it [18:55] Alyssa     because you thought it over for yourself. [19:00] Alyssa     I'll support you, so if you need     to know anything, just ask. [19:05] Viola     Okay! [19:07] Alyssa     Great, shall we have tea? [19:09] Viola     Yes, please! [19:11] Phoenix     I see... [19:15] Phoenix     So thou hast only summoned me for fun. [19:18] Phoenix     Thy intent was never     to make me thy familiar. [19:21] Phoenix     Well, that's fine. [19:23] Phoenix     Over the eons, I have seen     mortals around the world [19:27] Phoenix     change their minds like this... [19:30] Narrator     And so they took responsibility [19:32] Narrator     for a life that was strong, big, cool, flashy, [19:37] Narrator     and probably able to shoot laser beams. [19:52] Phoenix     So young. [19:57] Viola     Well, it is still a seedling. [20:00] Phoenix     Thou shouldst grow stronger     in order to protect thy contracted. [20:04] Viola     Are we treating it as a familiar? [20:08] Phoenix     Ah, thou undertakest waterfall training? [20:11] Phoenix     Then so shall I! [20:20] Phoenix     Nothing easier. [20:22] Viola     You're a phoenix. What's the point     of competing with a seedling? [20:26] Viola     She's still growing up, you know. [20:30] Phoenix     Then watch closely, young seedling! [20:33] Phoenix     Growth hath no end. [20:35] Viola     Huh?! [20:37] Viola     Wow... [20:38] Viola     Your neck can stretch? [20:40] Phoenix     If I want to, I can go quite far! [20:49] Viola     Hey, that's enough. Come back down. [20:52] Phoenix     Ah, 'tis my contracted.     I can still go further! [20:55] Viola     No! It's kinda scary! [21:00] Phoenix     Well? Thy senior is tall, is he not? [21:03] Phoenix     But no need to panic. [21:05] Phoenix     If thou workst diligently each day, [21:08] Phoenix     thou shalt be as fine     a familiar as I one day! [21:12] Viola     He's good at caretaking,     no matter what he says. [21:21] Viola     Phoenix?! [21:24] Viola     Oh no! [21:26] Viola     Here! [21:33] Phoenix     Ah, that's good. [21:35] Viola     This isn't a sauna... [21:37] Viola     Sheesh. [21:39] Viola     I promise I understand how     strong you are now, Phoenix. [21:44] Alyssa     I'm home! [21:47] Viola     Welcome back, Mama! [21:48] Alyssa     Sorry, I ran late shopping. [21:52] Alyssa     I'll cook right aw— [21:56] Viola     Mama! [21:57] Phoenix     Art thou well, Mother?! [22:04] Viola     What's wrong? [22:09] Alyssa     He's like a cat! SIGN    Preview [22:59] Alyssa     This is Alyssa. [23:00] Viola     This is Viola. [23:01] Alyssa     Ready, set... [23:02] Alyssa/Viola     Next time, on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:05] Viola     The world is deeply moved by how     Mama puts her all into raising me! [23:08] Alyssa     A helpful elfin boy we know visits! [23:10] Viola     "The Commonplace Circumstances      of the Witch's Child-Rearing"! [23:11] Alyssa     The Commonplace Circumstances      of the Witch's Child-Rearing [23:11] Alyssa     The Romantic Circumstances     of the Little Brother Position [23:12] Alyssa     "The Romantic Circumstances     of the Little Brother Position"! [23:14] Viola     Mama, I'll go get ready at Auntie Lira's. [23:17] Alyssa     What? "Get ready"?! E2 - The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing/The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:04] Viola     Hi, Auntie Lira! [00:07] Lira     Oh, hello there. [00:11] Lira     What are you looking for today? [00:13] Lira     Poisonous herbs, please!     I need them to defeat the enemy. [00:19] Lira     Who exactly are you battling? SIGN    The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing [01:54] Viola     "The Commonplace Circumstances     of the Witch's Child-Rearing." [02:01] Lira     Just one sec. [02:03] Lira     I can't believe my little Viola     is old enough to shop alone now. [02:11] Lira     No wonder I feel old! [02:13] Viola     You say that all the time, Auntie. [02:17] Lira     Of course I do. [02:20] Lira     I remember it like it was only yesterday... SIGN    16 Years Ago [02:25] Narrator     Sixteen years ago... [02:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     I waited there for a while, but no one came. [02:38] (Flashback) Lira     When I find whoever abandoned     her, I'll break their skull! SIGN    Lira, Age 24 [02:44] (Flashback) Alyssa     Please calm down! [02:46] (Flashback) Lira     Not a chance! You realize     she could have died?! [02:50] (Flashback) Alyssa     Still, we don't know their circumstances. [02:53] (Flashback) Lira     Fine, I'll decide which bones     to break based on their reasons. [02:57] (Flashback) Alyssa     Please stop contemplating violence! [03:04] (Flashback) Lira     Why are you taking her in? [03:07] (Flashback) Lira     You could find her foster parents instead. [03:11] (Flashback) Alyssa     Well, she has a lot of magic for a human, [03:14] (Flashback) Alyssa     and she can't control it yet. [03:17] (Flashback) Alyssa     Normally, witches and mages can     control their magic from birth. [03:24] (Flashback) Alyssa     So I think teaching her to use her magic [03:27] (Flashback) Alyssa     might be difficult even for     a witch, let alone a human. [03:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     I wasn't normal either, so     I think I might be able to help her. [03:45] (Flashback) Lira     All right. I'll lend a hand. [03:48] (Flashback) Alyssa     You don't mind?! [03:49] (Flashback) Lira     It's what you came to ask me, isn't it? [03:52] (Flashback) Lira     I just had a son, after all. [03:57] (Flashback) Lira     Leave the breast milk to me. [03:59] (Flashback) Lira     This is exactly why I have two boobs. [04:03] (Flashback) Alyssa     That's almost too reassuring. [04:07] Lira     You used to latch on to these babies     so hard my husband was jealous. [04:11] Lira     You were like a ravenous beast. [04:14] Viola     Don't phrase it like that! [04:22] Viola     Thank you! [04:23] Viola     I really owe you a lot. [04:28] Lira     Kids shouldn't worry about those things. [04:31] Lira     Plus, Alyssa was more trouble than you were. [04:35] Viola     Mama was? [04:36] Lira     You bet. [04:38] Lira     You know how she goes haring off in weird     directions when she overthinks things. [04:42] Lira     She used to run in circles     about child-rearing, too. [04:47] Lira     She even started researching     breast milk magic. [04:51] Viola     You weren't kidding about trouble. [04:54] (Flashback) Alyssa     It's no good... It's just not working! [04:57] (Flashback) Viola     What's this for? I know     you're giving her enough milk! [05:03] (Flashback) Viola     But these parenting books say [05:05] (Flashback) Viola     if I don't breastfeed her,     I don't love her enough! [05:10] (Flashback) Lira     Pompous bullshit! [05:12] (Flashback) Alyssa     You did that barehanded?! [05:13] (Flashback) Lira     Use this time to sing her a damn song [05:16] (Flashback) Lira     and don't waste it on sketchy books! [05:18] (Flashback) Lira     Her heart will keep beating and     her stomach will keep digesting [05:22] (Flashback) Lira     whether you breastfeed her or not! [05:24] (Flashback) Alyssa     Yes, ma'am! [05:26] (Flashback) Lira     Tell me everything you're     worried about right now. [05:29] (Flashback) Lira     I'll help. [05:30] (Flashback) Lira     You'll make things worse     if you freak out again. [05:34] (Flashback) Alyssa     Thank you very much. [05:36] (Flashback) Alyssa     There is more, actually... [05:38] (Flashback) Alyssa     On the magical control front, [05:41] (Flashback) Alyssa     she summons things in her sleep. [05:46] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm so worried it might     continue into adulthood. [05:50] (Flashback) Lira     I see, she's bed-spelling. SIGN    Bed-spelling [05:53] Narrator     Bed-spelling! [05:54] (Flashback) Lira     These kinds of accidents stop as they grow, [05:58] (Flashback) Lira     so you shouldn't sweat them too much now. [06:00] (Flashback) Alyssa     Please don't compare magic to peeing! [06:03] (Flashback) Lira     Does she cry at night? Are you okay? [06:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     It varies, but on bad nights,     we can't sleep at all. [06:10] (Flashback) Lira     It's basically like baby sleep-talking. [06:14] (Flashback) Lira     Watch them for about a minute,     and they'll stop crying. [06:17] Narrator     This varies by person. SIGN    This varies by person [06:18] (Flashback) Alyssa     What?! [06:22] (Flashback) Alyssa     I figured if she wouldn't     sleep we'd just stay up, [06:24] (Flashback) Alyssa     but that ended in     a late-night broom joyride! [06:28] (Flashback) Lira     You can be pretty bold sometimes. [06:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     Let me see, what else... [06:33] (Flashback) Alyssa     You know how babies are     stronger than they look? SIGN    Powerful     Grips [06:37] Narrator     They have powerful grips! SIGN    Powerful     Kicks [06:41] (Flashback) Narrator     And powerful kicks! [06:44] (Flashback) Lira     Well, they don't know how to hold back. [06:46] (Flashback) Alyssa     Viola, in particular, packs a lot of punch [06:50] (Flashback) Alyssa     when her power-up magic activates. [06:53] (Flashback) Lira     Wow, she's a little monster     in the literal sense. [06:58] (Flashback) Lira     Maybe we're kindred spirits! [07:00] (Flashback) Lira     My parents say I used to     wreck the house as a baby, too. [07:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     That was your innate     physical strength, right? [07:09] (Flashback) Lira     But doesn't all that keep your hands     too full for housekeeping? [07:13] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm okay on that front. [07:16] (Flashback) Alyssa     I can manage the simple stuff with magic. [07:19] (Flashback) Lira     Wow, that's amazing. [07:22] (Flashback) Alyssa     People who raise children     without magic are more amazing! [07:26] (Flashback) Alyssa     You have it tougher doing     everything yourself, but me... [07:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm a terrible person who takes     shortcuts with everything... [07:36] (Flashback) Lira     Okay, stop right there. [07:38] (Flashback) Lira     Taking shortcuts is the key to housekeeping. [07:40] (Flashback) Lira     I've been known to eat wheat straight     from the bag to avoid cooking! [07:45] (Flashback) Alyssa     Isn't that more than a shortcut?! [07:47] Narrator     Do not try this at home. SIGN    Do not try this at home [07:51] (Flashback) Lira     It's just not worth cooking     when my hubby's not home! [07:55] (Flashback) Alyssa     You're amazing, Lira. [07:58] (Flashback) Alyssa     Me, all I do is make mistakes. [08:02] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm not a good mother. [08:05] (Flashback) Lira     Don't be silly. [08:08] (Flashback) Lira     Your attention to detail has saved me, too. [08:14] (Flashback) Lira     Hmm... This is enough baby food, right? [08:17] (Flashback) Alyssa     Most people can't eat that much! [08:20] (Flashback) Lira     We don't know what's     a mistake until we do it. [08:24] (Flashback) Lira     I understand worrying because     you care about your baby. [08:28] (Flashback) Lira     But every family raises children differently. [08:33] (Flashback) Lira     If your family keeps smiling together,     then you're doing it right. [08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa     Lira... [08:45] Viola     You'd just had your first baby then, right? [08:50] Viola     How did you get such an air of authority? [08:52] Lira     It's not important. [08:56] Alyssa     Hello! [08:57] Alyssa     Have you seen Viola? [09:00] Viola     Mama! [09:02] Viola     We were just talking about you. [09:05] Alyssa     Oh? Nothing too bad, I hope! [09:09] Viola     Nope! Wanna know? [09:12] Alyssa     Yes! [09:13] Viola     Hmm, should I tell you? [09:13] Lira     Alyssa... [09:14] Alyssa     Aw, come on, tell me! [09:14] Lira     I don't think you got it wrong at all. [09:16] Viola     I'll think about it. [09:18] Alyssa     Why are you teasing me? [09:20] Viola     I'll think about it. [09:20] Lira     Watching you two makes me think [09:23] Lira     I should try to get along     better with my son. [09:26] Alyssa     He's just going through puberty. [09:29] Alyssa     I haven't seen him lately. Is he doing well? [09:32] Lira     Wait right here, I'll call him down. [09:36] Lira     Hey, spoiled brat! Viola and her mom are here! [09:40] Lira's Son     Shut up, hag! I just pulled     an all-nighter, so lemme sleep! [09:50] Lira     How dare you speak to your mother that way?! [09:52] Lira's Son     Don't barge into my room! [09:54] Lira     Take that! [09:56] Lira's Son     I'm sorry I talked back! [09:59] Viola     I guess every family raises     children differently... [10:18] Viola     Mama! I finished picking     the herbs over here! [10:22] Alyssa     Okay, one minute! [10:25] Alyssa     We've picked enough medicinals,     so next we'll do tea— [10:28] Fennel     Alyssa! [10:32] Alyssa     Fennel! SIGN    The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position [10:37] Fennel     "The Romantic Circumstances     of the Little Brother Position." [10:42] Fennel     Is now a good time? [10:43] Alyssa     Sure! [10:45] Fennel     I came to buy this month's stock. SIGN    Fennel / Elfin merchant SIGN    Age 183 [10:51] Alyssa     Thank you for always coming all this way. [10:55] Fennel     Oh, no. I look forward to     seeing you every month, Alyssa. [11:05] Fennel     What are you burning, you jerk?! [11:07] Viola     Poison. [11:08] Fennel     Don't try to kill me the second I get here! [11:14] Alyssa     I apologize for my daughter! [11:16] Alyssa     Are you hurt? [11:17] Fennel     Don't worry, Alyssa. [11:20] Alyssa     Honestly! Why do you always bully Fennel? [11:24] Alyssa     Apologize! [11:26] Viola     He started it when we met. SIGN    Viola, Age 6 [11:29] Fennel     Nice to meet you. [11:32] (Flashback) Fennel     You can think of me as your dad. [11:40] Viola     I've hated your guts ever since. [11:43] Fennel     You're taking your grudge too far. [11:45] Viola     You make eyes at Mama! You're my enemy! [11:49] Fennel     I-I-I do not make eyes, you dummy! [11:52] Alyssa     He's right, you're being rude! [11:54] Alyssa     There's never been anything like that     between me and Fennel! [11:58] Alyssa     He's like my little brother! [12:01] Fennel     Y-Yes, of course... [12:07] Fennel     You brat! [12:09] Alyssa     You were still just a child     when we first met. SIGN    100 Years Ago [12:13] Alyssa     You've grown so much. What fond memories! [12:17] Fennel     You haven't aged a day, Alyssa. [12:21] Viola     I've been with her since     I was a baby, of course. [12:24] Fennel     Yeah, so what? [12:26] Alyssa     I remember walking with you at night     because you were scared of monsters. [12:30] Fennel     Please forget that! [12:33] Viola     She changed my diapers. [12:36] Fennel     What kind of competition is this?! [12:38] Alyssa     Now, now. Shall we have some tea? [12:42] Alyssa     Fennel, you go ahead and sit down. [12:45] Fennel     Oh, you don't have to... [12:53] Alyssa     Here, Viola, you take this out to him. [12:56] Viola     Yes, Mama. [13:00] Viola     Here you go. [13:01] Fennel     What are you, an evil ramen cook? [13:03] Alyssa     That's dirty! You know better! [13:06] Alyssa     You're drinking that as punishment! [13:08] Alyssa     And make Fennel a fresh cup! [13:11] Viola     I'm sorry! [13:12] Fennel     Ha, someone got yelled at. [13:23] Fennel     No, wait—she planned all that in advance. [13:27] Fennel     To prevent me from drinking     the tea Alyssa made! [13:36] Alyssa     All right, here are this month's goods. [13:40] Fennel     Thank you very much. [13:43] Alyssa     It's a huge help that you     buy so much each month. [13:47] Fennel     Really, you're helping me. [13:50] Fennel     Your medicines and herbs are bestsellers! [13:54] Viola     What about my specially     selected funky mandragoras? [13:59] Fennel     It pains me to admit it,     but they're pretty popular. [14:02] Phoenix     Wouldst thou like the precious     mud gems I polished? [14:06] Narrator     They're just mud balls. SIGN    Just mud balls [14:08] Fennel     W-Wait, who are you?! [14:11] Viola     This is Phoenix. He's my familiar now. [14:14] Fennel     Are you sure he's not     a doodle you materialized? [14:17] Fennel     Don't trouble Alyssa by picking     up any more... weirdos... [14:22] Fennel     Back off! [14:23] Viola     Excuse me? I don't need you to tell me that. [14:27] Viola     I even said goodbye to     Papa, like Mama told me to. [14:33] Fennel     P-Papa?! Goodbye?! What?! [14:38] Alyssa     A golem! She's talking about a golem! [14:42] Fennel     Crap! It was a misunderstanding,     but I can't afford to feel relieved! [14:47] Fennel     I have to get out of the     "little brother" position now, [14:47] Alyssa     You liked him that much? [14:49] Viola     Yeah. [14:49] Fennel     or it really will be too late! [14:52] Fennel     But declaring my love right now     is more than I can do. [14:55] Fennel     I haven't spent a century     pining after her just for fun. [14:58] Fennel     I need to start by getting     her to notice I'm a grown man. [15:03] Fennel     I'm gonna do it! [15:06] Fennel     I'm gonna say something so smooth,     she'll have to notice me! [15:13] Fennel     Um... Um... Ummm... [15:20] Fennel     A-Alyssa? [15:22] Fennel     What would you do if my     hands turned into broccoli? SIGN    Forest Person [15:26] Narrator     Forest person. [15:28] Alyssa     Huh?! [15:29] Alyssa     I would worry! [15:31] Alyssa     A-Are you okay? Are you tired, maybe?! [15:35] Fennel     No... This is not the way     I wanted her to notice me. [15:41] Alyssa     I-I know! Let's get some     sugar in you. I'll go get cake! [15:45] Fennel     Please don't trouble yourself! [15:48] Viola     Hey, Fennel. [15:50] Fennel     What do you want? [15:51] Viola     Want me to tell you why     you haven't been erased yet? [15:55] Fennel     That's a scary opener. [15:57] Viola     It's because I trust you. [16:01] Viola     I trust that you're too much     of a wimp to get anywhere! [16:05] Fennel     How dare you mock me! [16:06] Viola     But I can't led my guard down. [16:08] Viola     I'm gonna keep interfering, so suck it up. [16:11] Fennel     In your dreams, ninny. [16:14] Fennel     You never learn, do you? [16:16] Fennel     Poor you, always getting     in trouble with Alyssa. [16:19] Fennel     Maybe you should get smarter     about your interference. [16:22] Phoenix     Eternal Breath! [16:26] Viola     From now on my cover will be     "accidents" while playing with Phoenix. [16:30] Fennel     Great, thanks for explaining! [16:33] Alyssa     All right, here are the cakes! [16:37] Alyssa     What are you doing?! [16:39] Phoenix     I bequeathed upon him a kiss of friendship. [16:42] Alyssa     His entire head was in your mouth! [16:44] Alyssa     Fennel, are you all right? [16:48] Alyssa     The poor thing is     hyperventilating from shock! [16:51] Viola     No, he's panting because he's on your lap! [16:55] Viola     I'm sorry. SIGN    She got majorly scolded [16:57] Narrator     She got majorly scolded. [17:02] Alyssa     I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so sorry! [17:05] Fennel     Really, it's all right. No need to bow. [17:09] Fennel     We can't stop the mama's girl rampage. [17:11] Fennel     Instead of trying to change her,     let's figure out how to coexist. [17:14] Alyssa     Like she's a wild animal?! [17:16] Fennel     Truly, though, please don't feel guilty. [17:21] Fennel     I've known her since she was little. [17:24] Fennel     I know it's her version of horseplay. [17:29] Fennel     Th-The "dad" thing was a joke, but     I guess I do think of her as family... [17:35] Fennel     I'm sorry, that's presumptuous, isn't it? [17:38] Alyssa     No, not at all! [17:43] Alyssa     Thank you for getting along with Viola. [17:51] Alyssa     I hope you'll keep caring for her. [17:58] Fennel     There's no way to compete     with her daughter, is there?! [18:04] Alyssa     Fennel, come visit anytime,     even if it's not purchase day. [18:08] Fennel     Sure... [18:17] Viola     Next time I'll set magic traps. [18:20] Phoenix     I approve of thine indefatigable spirit! [18:36] Fennel     I'm so glad Alyssa was pleased. [18:41] Fennel     Nothing makes a merchant happier. [18:51] Fennel     Viola, what are you doing? SIGN    Catch or Be Caught [19:01] Viola     You'll give it a try, right? [19:05] Viola     Of course you will. [19:15] Fennel     Huh?! [19:19] Viola     You'll try jinn eel fishing, right? [19:21] Fennel     Huh? SIGN    Jinn Eel Fishing [19:24] Narrator     Jinn eel fishing! [19:29] Viola     Here, your rod. [19:31] Fennel     I'm not playing this shady game. [19:34] Viola     Don't worry, there are no sharp hooks. [19:37] Viola     When a jinn eel eats the bait,     it'll volunteer itself. [19:43] Viola     Watch. [19:47] Viola     If you catch three eels     in three minutes, you win. [19:49] Fennel     I told you, I'm not doing it! [19:53] Viola     The prize is a sweet secret photo. [19:59] Fennel     Could it be of Alyssa? [20:01] Fennel     All right! I'll pull up the whole lot of them! [20:06] Viola     Ready... [20:08] Viola     Start! [20:21] Fennel     Huh? They're not eating the bait. [20:28] Fennel     They're seriously teasing me! [20:31] Viola     You're so bad at this. Gotta hold the rod up! [20:34] Viola     Now jiggle it! No, downward! [20:37] Fennel     Shut up, you're distracting me. [20:43] Fennel     What the heck? [20:44] Viola     It's the super-big chance! [20:46] Viola     Gold! The gold is coming! [20:48] Fennel     Gold? Don't tell me it's... [20:56] Viola     Here it is! The golden jinn eel     is super-rare and lucky! [21:00] Viola     You only need one to win! [21:03] Fennel     You're on! [21:05] Fennel     I'll catch it no matter what it takes,     and I'll get a photo of Alyssa! [21:13] Fennel     Got it! [21:15] Fennel     It's crazy strong. [21:17] Fennel     I feel like I'm getting reeled in! [21:25] Fennel     Take this! [21:30] Fennel     Did you see that? I did it! [21:36] Viola     Too bad. You got Phoenix! [21:41] Fennel     Oi... [21:44] Fennel     You jerks never intended to     let me catch one, did you? [22:58] Alyssa     This is Alyssa. SIGN    Preview [23:00] Viola     This is Viola. [23:01] Alyssa     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:04] Viola     A Mama album? Lemme see,     lemme see, lemme see! [23:06] Alyssa     Calm down, Viola! You have a fever! [23:09] Viola     "The Reminiscing Circumstances     of the Witch-Girl Time Crew"! [23:11] Alyssa     "The Sniffly Circumstances     of the Healthy Daughter"! SIGN    The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew SIGN    The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter [23:15] Alyssa     I just told you to stay in bed! E3 - The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew/The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:04] Giriko     Hey. [00:06] Luna     We came to visit! [00:08] Alyssa     Luna, Giriko! You're early. [00:12] Luna     I'm already picking up the lovely     scent of tea and baked goods! [00:18] Alyssa     I got hold of some good cinnamon,     so I baked an apple pie. [00:22] Alyssa     Come on in. [00:25] Luna     Say, how much pie did you make? [00:29] Luna     I brought my familiars today. [00:32] Alyssa     Go home. [00:34] Luna     Bondage Kern! He loves being tied up tight. [00:38] Alyssa     Go home. [00:40] Luna     Masochist Rubero! He loves pain. [00:45] Alyssa     I'm begging you, go home! [00:47] Luna     Shame Ross! He loves feeling ashamed. [00:52] Alyssa     Are you listening to me?! [00:53] Viola     Mama! Are the aunties here? [00:57] Alyssa     This isn't appropriate for kids!     Bring them when Viola's not here! [00:59] Alyssa     I'll give you pie to take home to them! [01:02] Luna     Aw, you're so overprotective. [01:04] Luna     All right, face left! [01:08] Luna     Kennel. [01:17] Giriko     I actually brought you a proper gift. [01:20] Alyssa     Gift? [01:21] Giriko     Ta-da. [01:23] Alyssa     A book? SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew [02:58] Alyssa/Viola     "The Reminiscing Circumstances     of the Witch-Girl Time Crew." [03:02] Viola     A magical reminiscence book? [03:04] Giriko     Basically, it's the witches'     version of a photo album. [03:08] Giriko     When you input a bit of magic, it     displays the memory you're thinking of. SIGN    Magical Reminiscence Book [03:12] Viola     Wow! [03:14] Viola     But don't you have any regular photos left? [03:17] Luna     There were no photos in the old days. [03:20] Giriko     Modern conveniences are great. SIGN    Age SIGN    Age [03:23] Viola     I see. [03:25] Viola     Auntie, show me photos     of Mama when she was a kid! [03:29] Luna     I figured you'd say that,     so I already set it up. [03:33] Alyssa     What? Hey, wait! [03:35] Luna     Here. [03:40] Viola     First prize! [03:41] Luna     In what? [03:48] Viola     Oh my gosh. She's too cute. [03:51] Viola     Didn't she get kidnapped constantly? [03:54] Giriko     Are you imagining a lawless wilderness? [03:56] Viola     She didn't get kidnapped?! [03:58] Viola     But she was this cute. Was there     something wrong with her hometown? [04:02] Giriko     No, and therefore she wasn't kidnapped. [04:04] Viola     Oh, good point. It's best     if those things don't happen. [04:08] Viola     But if I were her mom, I'd be so worried, [04:12] Viola     I'd put thorns on her clothes. [04:15] Giriko     She thinks like a hedgehog! [04:18] Alyssa     Oh, Viola. [04:20] Alyssa     You know that was my idea! [04:24] Luna     Take responsibility     for the way you raised her. [04:28] Viola     Auntie, auntie, I want to see more! More! [04:30] Giriko     All right, it's on. [04:32] Alyssa     Hey! [04:35] Giriko     Here we are at around age 50... [04:39] Giriko     And this is us around 150. [04:41] Alyssa     She was so cute she stopped time! [04:43] Giriko     Yes indeed. [04:44] Alyssa     No, I didn't! [04:46] Alyssa     Sheesh. Stop making it about me     and show her yours, too! [04:49] Giriko     You got it. One sec. [04:53] Viola     It's Auntie Luna! [04:54] Viola     She's doing tarot. So cute! [04:57] Luna     I come from a long line of fortune-tellers, [05:01] Luna     so I studied it pretty hard from a young age. [05:03] Viola     Wow. [05:05] Luna     Fortune telling can guide people     who are feeling uneasy. [05:09] Luna     It's a lovely kind of magic. [05:12] Luna     I spoil poor darlings who can't make     it alone. I take care of everything. [05:18] Viola     Wow. [05:19] Alyssa     She's perverted. [05:22] Viola     You were cute too, Auntie Giriko!     What are you doing in this one? [05:26] Giriko     Crafting magic items. [05:29] Giriko     Unlike Luna, I was all about me. [05:34] Giriko     But hey, I ended up making a job out of it. [05:39] Alyssa     What have you been crafting lately? [05:42] Giriko     Sexy Triton's trumpets. [05:44] Alyssa     What was your mental state     when you thought of that? SIGN    FwoooOOoh [05:49] Alyssa     You don't need to actually trumpet! [05:51] Giriko     By the way, check out Alyssa gardening. [05:55] Viola     Is her cuteness making the flowers bloom?! [05:57] Luna     No; water and fertilizer. [05:59] Giriko     I suppose all of us really did     keep up our childhood hobbies [06:03] Giriko     until they became our jobs, huh? SIGN    Item     Vendor SIGN    Fortune     Teller SIGN    Herbalist [06:05] Alyssa     So we did. [06:06] Luna     "You excel at what you enjoy," as they say. [06:10] Viola     Your favorite hobby turning     into your job sounds awesome. [06:13] Viola     When I grow up, I want a job involving moms. [06:17] Alyssa     What would that be, exactly? [06:19] Luna     There's nothing better than     having fun at work, I say. [06:23] Luna     What do you like, besides Alyssa? [06:25] Viola     Hmm... I like poultry! [06:29] Phoenix     In other words, thou likest me? [06:32] Luna     Phoenix, you're here too? [06:34] Phoenix     As I recall, [06:37] Phoenix     "work" is that mysterious activity     which ye mortals grudgingly engage in [06:41] Phoenix     at the expense of the precious     little time your life spans grant ye. [06:44] Luna     That's some serious bias. [06:47] Giriko     Grudgingly or not, we have to     do it to put food on the table. [06:51] Phoenix     If ye have no food, [06:53] Phoenix     can ye not consume the energy     flowing through the natural world? [06:56] Giriko     That immortal superiority pisses me off. [06:58] Alyssa     He doesn't mean any offense!     He's good at heart! [07:03] Viola     Phoenix, show me you     when you were young, too! [07:07] Phoenix     Thou wouldst view cute me? [07:11] Phoenix     This is me 500 years ago. [07:15] Phoenix     This is me 200 years ago. [07:17] Luna     Didn't we just do this bit? [07:20] Phoenix     Birds of a feather. [07:22] Alyssa     I-I suppose so... [07:27] Viola     You three have been together     since you were little, huh? [07:31] Alyssa     I'm small, and I wasn't physically strong, [07:35] Alyssa     so they helped me out a lot. [07:42] (Flashback) Alyssa     Luna! You shouldn't sit on people! [07:45] (Flashback) Luna     He's not a person! He's a chair! [07:52] (Flashback) Alyssa     Giriko! You shouldn't make dangerous stuff! [07:55] (Flashback) Giriko     It's not dangerous.     It's my J-O-Lantern Mk II. [07:59] Alyssa     Well, I babysat them, too... [08:03] Giriko     Excuse me? [08:04] Luna     How rude! [08:07] Alyssa     But they helped me more. [08:15] (Flashback) Boy     Crybaby! [08:30] Alyssa     I can remember it all perfectly,     album or no album. [08:36] Alyssa     I'm really glad you're my friends. [08:41] Giriko     Well, thanks. [08:42] Viola     Hey! No leaving me out to get     all lovey-dovey with each other! [08:46] Alyssa     Whoops, sorry! [08:47] Viola     Sheesh! [08:48] Viola     Also, who are they? Friends I don't know? [09:00] Luna     Oh, dear! I must have thought     about them for just a moment! [09:06] Luna     Goodness gracious me! [09:09] Alyssa     Behave yourselves! [09:10] Luna     I'm sorry! [09:11] Giriko     I didn't do anything! [09:12] Alyssa     Get back here! [09:27] Viola     No... [09:30] Viola     It can't be... [09:34] Viola     It's not true! [09:35] Alyssa     Viola, calm down. [09:36] Viola     I won't believe it! [09:38] Viola     Never! [09:41] Benny     It's a cold. [09:43] Viola     Noooo! SIGN    For now, we'll give you three days' worth of medicinal powder. SIGN    Sheeta     Myconid Nurse SIGN    Benny     Myconid Doctor [09:52] Alyssa     Thank you. SIGN    The Sniffly Circumstances     of the Healthy Daughter [09:58] Viola     "The Sniffly Circumstances     of the Healthy Daughter." [10:02] Viola     You're wrong. It's not a cold. [10:06] Alyssa     You need to face it, honey. [10:09] Phoenix     Wherefore is she so stubborn? [10:11] Alyssa     Viola's always been full of energy,     and she's hardly ever been sick. [10:17] Alyssa     So she's not used to     feeling under the weather, [10:20] Alyssa     and she tries to just power through it. [10:21] Viola     It's just my imagination! [10:24] Phoenix     A little imp incarnate. [10:26] Viola     They say illness starts in the mind, right?     Good spirits are good medicine! [10:31] Phoenix     Thou shouldst not overestimate     the placebo effect. [10:34] Alyssa     She also hates taking medicine,     so she tries to avoid it. [10:38] Viola     Because it tastes terrible!     You hate it too, right, Phoenix? [10:43] Phoenix     I know not. I have never been sick. [10:47] Viola     Immortal superiority again! [10:55] Viola     Fine. I'll admit that it's a cold. [10:58] Alyssa     Next time admit it right away, okay? [11:00] Viola     But I haven't lost yet. [11:02] Alyssa     Lost to who? [11:07] Viola     You told me when I was a kid [11:10] Viola     that we get fevers when our     bodies fight the sickness. SIGN    Inside Viola's Body SIGN    Germ [11:14] Germ Man     I am germ! SIGN    Immunity [11:24] Immunity Viola     I'll take him down here and now! [11:28] Immunity Violas     Yah! [11:30] Viola     I won't let him touch Mama! [11:32] Phoenix     I've never seen a human rouse     such a combative spirit over a cold. [11:41] Alyssa     Don't thrash around anymore! [11:46] Alyssa     Stay in bed today, okay? [11:49] Alyssa     Is there anything I can do for you? [11:52] Viola     Mmm... [11:53] Viola     Summon Jack Frost for me... SIGN    Jack Frost SIGN    Spirit of Snow and Ice [12:00] Alyssa     I'll bring you a cold pack. [12:04] Alyssa     Can you eat? [12:06] Alyssa     If there's anything you're hungry for,     I'll make it right away. [12:09] Viola     I want chicken soup. [12:14] Alyssa     I'll make it normally! [12:19] Phoenix     But I am more nutritious. [12:22] Chicken     Cock-a-doodle-doo! [12:25] Alyssa     I appreciate the sentiment,     but don't compete with chickens! [12:31] Alyssa     Okay, you take a nap while I make the soup. [12:40] Phoenix     Slumber is vital for recovery. [12:43] Viola     I know, but... [12:46] Viola     I don't like to sleep when I've got a fever,     because it gives me weird dreams. [12:53] Sausage     Dance, dance, dance, dance! [12:56] Viola     And with my head all fuzzy, it's hard     to tell what's a dream and what's real. [13:06] Alyssa     Viola? [13:08] Viola     Those are always the times when my     magic goes berserk and manifests stuff, [13:13] Viola     and then it's even harder to tell... [13:16] Viola     That was when I was a kid, but... [13:18] Narrator     Barbecue ingredients shining in rainbow     colors and playing push-and-shove! [13:23] Phoenix     Unavoidable nightmares. [13:31] Viola     I'm bored. [13:34] Phoenix     I forbid thee from rising. [13:36] Viola     I get it, but I'm bored!     I wanna get better now! [13:41] Phoenix     Perhaps thou shouldst drink my lifeblood? [13:43] Viola     That's ickier than medicine. [13:46] Phoenix     What if I mix it with a food     of strong smell and taste? SIGN    Yogurt [13:50] Viola     He's offering me his lifeblood     like it's normal medicine... [13:59] Viola     It's coming. [14:00] Phoenix     I have a bucket. [14:02] Viola     I'm... gonna ex-spell... [14:08] Narrator     Magical filtration failure! [14:10] Narrator     This happens when an illness or incident [14:12] Narrator     causes magic to circulate     improperly in the body. [14:15] Narrator     Any unfiltered magical energy is converted     to mass and expelled through the mouth. SIGN    Sparkly and pretty SIGN    Makes a pleasant     sound coming out [14:18] Narrator     Commonly known as "ex-spelling"! [14:21] Narrator     It is not puking. [14:22] Viola     I feel better. [14:24] Phoenix     It presenteth no problems.     It disappeareth in minutes. SIGN    °It is     not puking [14:28] Phoenix     It is both odorless and sanitary. [14:30] Alyssa     I'm sorry, Violet! I forgot     we were out of chicken. [14:34] Phoenix     Then I shall boil— [14:36] Alyssa     I'll go buy some, plus     anything else we might need. [14:40] Viola     No, Mama, don't go! [14:42] Alyssa     I know you're feeling vulnerable,     but I'll be right back. [14:46] Alyssa     Wait here with Phoen. [14:48] Viola     You're too cute to go to town     on your own. You'll be kidnapped! [14:53] Alyssa     You just worry about yourself. [14:55] Viola     If you won't take me with you, take Papa! [15:00] Papa     Hi! [15:01] Alyssa     H-Hello there! [15:03] Viola     No, I'm too worried! I'll come too! [15:06] Alyssa     You know you can't do that! [15:08] Papa     Oh my... [15:11] Phoenix     I shall lure my contracted     into sleep with a lullaby. [15:15] Phoenix     Thou canst go during her slumber. [15:17] Viola     Lullaby? I'm not that much of a kid! [15:28] Phoenix     Good night. [15:29] Alyssa     That was safe, right?! Tell me it was safe! [15:35] Lira     Viola has a cold? [15:37] Lira     That's unusual. [15:40] Lira     Here, I gave you some extra. [15:41] Alyssa     Thank you very much. [15:43] Alyssa     She hasn't been sick for so long,     this caught me off guard! [15:46] Alyssa     I was the opposite as a kid.     I had colds all the time. [15:51] Alyssa     So I definitely understand     how it feels from the other side. [15:56] Lira     Good for you, using your     experience constructively! [16:00] Lira     I've never been sick, so I'm hopeless—     I never know what sick people need. [16:05] Alyssa     Never? Not even once?! [16:08] Lira     Nope. [16:10] Alyssa     Anyway, this made me realize all over again [16:13] Alyssa     that all a parent needs is     for their child to stay healthy. [16:18] Lira     Exactly. Easier said than     done sometimes, though. [16:22] Lira     Don't forget to gargle and wash     your hands when you get home! [16:26] Alyssa     Yes, ma'am. [16:28] Lira     By the way... [16:30] Lira     What's that healthy creature there? [16:33] Alyssa     Good question. [16:35] Lira     That's worrisome. [16:38] (Flashback) Hooded woman     Please... [16:42] (Flashback) Hooded woman     Only remember me. [16:47] (Flashback) Hooded woman     Forget all about them... [16:51] (Flashback) Hooded woman     ...and hate only me. [17:00] Alyssa     Sorry, did I wake you? [17:02] Alyssa     Perfect timing, though.     I just finished the chicken soup. [17:07] Alyssa     I'll bring you some. [17:09] Viola     Mama, did I manifest any dreams? [17:13] Alyssa     No, you didn't. [17:16] Alyssa     Did you have a weird dream? [17:20] Viola     I don't remember. [17:27] Viola     Back to normal! [17:29] Alyssa     Huh?! It's only been one day! [17:31] Viola     I'm fit as a fiddle. Nothing wrong anywhere! [17:35] Viola     I defeated all the germs,     so don't you worry, Mama. [17:39] Alyssa     Thank you. [17:40] Phoenix     Achoo! [17:51] Viola     I'm sorry, Phoenix. [17:53] Viola     Apparently, a witch's sickness     can affect her familiar. [17:57] Alyssa     What would you like to eat, Phoen? [18:00] Phoenix     Sake with raw egg. [18:02] Narrator     Let's all take care to avoid     infection loops in our households. SIGN    10 Years Ago [18:19] (Flashback) Alyssa     Morning, Viola... [18:23] (Flashback) Alyssa     What's wrong? [18:24] (Flashback) Viola     I didn't do it. [18:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     U-Uh... [18:34] (Flashback) Viola     I didn't do it! [18:38] (Flashback) Viola     I didn't bed-spell! [18:48] (Flashback) Alyssa     Come on, don't cry. Mama's not angry. [18:53] (Flashback) Alyssa     There, there. [19:01] (Flashback) Alyssa     Viola, look... [19:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     It's... a water spirit. [19:11] (Flashback) Viola     Spirit? [19:30] Alyssa     I wonder if it was attracted to Viola's magic. [19:33] (Flashback) Viola     Mama! [19:35] (Flashback) Alyssa     The spirit wants to make friends with you. [19:45] (Flashback) Alyssa     Spirits are supernatural beings     that dwell within all things. [19:51] (Flashback) Viola     "Super-nat'ral"? [19:53] (Flashback) Alyssa     Sorry, that explanation     was too complicated, huh? SIGN    Spirits [19:57] Narrator     Spirits! [20:01] (Flashback) Alyssa     So, um, spirits aren't     really living creatures. [20:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     Put simply, they're basically magic itself. [20:09] (Flashback) Viola     "Magic isself"? [20:11] (Flashback) Alyssa     There are spirits in lots of things, [20:15] (Flashback) Alyssa     like the water we saw, and fire, and wind. [20:18] (Flashback) Alyssa     But we don't usually get to see them,     so I think you were lucky, Viola. [20:22] (Flashback) Viola     Wow, really? [20:26] (Flashback) Viola     Umm... [20:28] Narrator     Fairies! SIGN    Fairies [20:31] (Flashback) Alyssa     Fairies are beings born from     the energy of the natural world. [20:37] (Flashback) Alyssa     They're kind of like living creatures. [20:39] (Flashback) Viola     Wow! [20:46] (Flashback) Viola     Mama, are jinn eels fairies? [20:49] (Flashback) Alyssa     Oh, well... [20:51] (Flashback) Alyssa     Jinn eels are actually monsters. [20:54] (Flashback) Viola     They are?! [20:56] (Flashback) Alyssa     The word "jinn" means spirit, [20:59] (Flashback) Alyssa     but our friends the eels were named that     because long ago they got mistaken for spirits. [21:03] (Flashback) Alyssa     So we still call them jinn. [21:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     But technically, they're monsters. [21:09] (Flashback) Viola     Whoa, I didn't know they were monsters! [21:19] (Flashback) Alyssa     Viola, it's about time to eat! [21:21] (Flashback) Alyssa     Viola? [21:24] (Flashback) Alyssa     Still reading that, eh? [21:26] (Flashback) Viola     Mama! [21:27] (Flashback) Alyssa     What is it? [21:29] (Flashback) Viola     Myth-ick-al beasts look cool! I love them! [21:34] (Flashback) Alyssa     Well, then, I hope you     get to meet one someday. [21:38] (Flashback) Viola     Yeah! I wanna bring a bunch home! [21:40] (Flashback) Alyssa     What?! That's not the best idea... [21:42] (Flashback) Viola     They'll live with us! [21:44] (Flashback) Alyssa     Mythical beasts are really big, though! [21:46] (Flashback) Viola     Live with us! SIGN    Preview [22:59] Viola     This is Viola! [23:00] Alyssa     This is Alyssa! [23:01] Alyssa     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:04] Alyssa     What? Viola made a new friend?! [23:06] Viola     What? Mama! What is that egg?! [23:09] Alyssa     "The Requesting Circumstances     of the Late-Blooming Orc"! [23:12] Viola     "The Monitoring Circumstances     of the Egg and Big Sister"! SIGN    The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc SIGN    The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister [23:14] Alyssa     So, what are they like?! Tell me! [23:16] Viola     What's going on?! Tell me! E4 - The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc/The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:05] Glind     All right, full payment received. SIGN    Orc furniture maker SIGN    Glind SIGN    Age 21 [00:10] Fennel     Thanks for the great work, as always. [00:14] Fennel     Sorry for the rush delivery request. [00:17] Glind     I won't do it again. [00:19] Fennel     Anything I can hook you up with     as a thank-you? I know all the vendors. [00:25] Glind     There is one thing. [00:30] Glind     I want a cute girlfriend. [00:35] Fennel     Go for it. There's some papier-mâché     on the cabinet shelves. [00:38] Glind     You want me to make one?! [00:40] Fennel     Dang, this is fine work! [00:42] Glind     That's no way to treat a friend! [00:45] Glind     This is why girls don't like you,     you damn elfin virgin! [00:47] Fennel     No one asked for your input,     you damn orc virgin! [00:51] Glind     Please! [00:52] Glind     Introduce me to a tall, strong-willed,     pretty, long-haired elf babe! [00:58] Glind     Even we orcs want a girl     to mess us up once in a while! [01:01] Fennel     Don't say stuff like that!     It makes me wanna hook you up less! [01:05] Glind     Should you really say that to me? [01:08] Glind     You owe me for helpin' you     set up business on my turf. [01:15] Fennel     If you're okay with a non-elf,     I do know one girl that fits the bill. [01:21] Glind     Yay! SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc [02:55] Glind     "The Requesting Circumstances     of the Late-Blooming Orc." [03:05] Fennel     So, this is Viola the witch. [03:10] Glind     What a pleasure to meet you! [03:14] Viola     Witch Kick! [03:17] Fennel     That's a dumb attack name! [03:21] Viola     Explain why you called me out of the blue     and introduced me to a man. [03:25] Viola     I'd win any lawsuit over this. [03:28] Fennel     Yes, Miss Viola. [03:35] Fennel     I really am sorry! But you're     the only one I can go to with this. [03:40] Fennel     All I'm asking is that you have tea with him! [03:42] Viola     Meh, don't wanna. [03:44] Fennel     Okay, then all I'm asking is for you     to shout "crawl back to the swamp," [03:48] Fennel     slap him in the face, and spit on him! SIGN    Get lost! SIGN    Get lost! [03:53] Fennel     Yes, ma'am. [03:53] Viola     That's less appealing! [03:55] Fennel     He's my friend, and I owe him,     so I want to help him out. [03:58] Fennel     Just a few minutes, okay? [04:02] Viola     Well, he doesn't seem like a bad guy... [04:08] Viola     Fine. If you can meet my     conditions, I'll talk with him. [04:14] Fennel     Lay 'em on me! [04:16] Viola     Say, "Please save my poor     stupid loser self, Viola." [04:22] Fennel     P-Please save... my poor...     stupid... loser self... Viola! [04:33] Viola     Of course. [04:40] Waitress     One cream soda. [04:43] Fennel     Okay, let's start over     with self-introductions. [04:47] Glind     I'm Glind! I'm an orc! [04:49] Viola     I'm Viola. I'm a witch. [04:54] Glind     Fennel, you pulled it off.     She's really cute! [04:58] Fennel     I did my part.     Whatever happens next is on you. [05:02] Fennel     By the way, she may not look it,     but she's still 16. [05:05] Fennel     Don't do anything creepy. [05:09] Glind     I wouldn't do that no matter     how old she was. [05:11] Fennel     Also, she may suddenly get violent. [05:15] Fennel     If that happens, either flee at high speed     or surrender unconditionally. [05:19] Glind     Wait, what? [05:23] Viola     So, how did you two become friends? [05:27] Fennel     I met him when I went     to buy furniture from him. [05:31] Glind     We kind of hit it off,     so we've kept up the relationship. [05:37] Fennel     It's been a pretty long time, huh? [05:38] Viola     Then would you know Fennel's weaknesses? [05:42] Fennel     Don't try to exploit our friendship. [05:44] Glind     I'll sell you any information you may desire! [05:48] Fennel     You backstabbing pig! [05:52] Glind     I make furniture for a living.     I'm a pretty good general craftsman, too. [05:57] Viola     That's so impressive!     I'm so clumsy, I'm jealous! [06:03] Glind     No, wielding magic is more impressive! [06:05] Glind     How do you do it? [06:07] Viola     Most things work out if you throw     enough magical force at them. [06:11] Glind     Is magic usually a muscle-brain thing? [06:14] Fennel     I'm pretty sure it's just her. [06:16] Viola     Shall I try demonstrating summoning magic? [06:19] Viola     I can call up a monster     who loves to eat live elves. [06:24] Fennel     Do not do that! SIGN    Live Food Lover SIGN    Live Food Lover [06:30] Waitress     Here's your parfait. [06:33] Viola     Thank you. [06:34] Waitress     Enjoy. [06:35] Glind     What's your type, by the way? [06:38] Viola     That'd be Mama. [06:40] Glind     Do you have a hobby? [06:41] Viola     That'd be Mama. [06:43] Glind     Uh, does she hate me? [06:46] Fennel     What? Of course not. [06:48] Glind     But she's not answering me seriously. [06:51] Fennel     It's fine. She means every word. [06:53] Glind     Is that really fine?! [06:59] Viola     My mom is an herbalist,     so I help out with that. [07:04] Viola     And sometimes the townsfolk     ask me to do magic for them. [07:08] Viola     Finding lost things, minor fortune     telling, that kind of stuff. [07:16] Viola     I was actually supposed to go     to the library with Mama today. [07:20] Viola     But Fennel was so insistent     that Mama told me to do this for him. [07:28] Viola     Isn't Mama kind? [07:31] Viola     Unlike me. [07:34] Viola     You haven't done anything wrong,     Glind, so don't worry about it. [07:38] Viola     You haven't. [07:40] Fennel     Do you understand, now, that     I risked my life to arrange this? [07:44] Viola     Gotcha! I was just joking. [07:48] Viola     Did I scare you? [07:50] Fennel     Liar! I know you were serious! [07:53] Viola     Was not! [07:54] Viola     Obviously, I wouldn't have come here     if I had plans with Mama. [07:57] Fennel     That part was the joke?! [08:00] Viola     But don't get me wrong! I didn't mean     that I didn't want to meet you, Glind. [08:04] Glind     It's all right. It's my fault     for asking so much. [08:10] Glind     Viola, you're a kind, compassionate person. [08:15] Fennel     Consider her attitude toward me     before you say that! [08:18] Glind     She must be a wonderful mother,     if you respect her so much. [08:22] Glind     I'd love to meet her one day. [08:27] Fennel     You'd better not be after Alyssa. [08:31] Viola     Get close to Mama      and I'll show you no mercy. [08:33] Glind     What?! [08:35] Glind     You've got it all wrong!     That's not my intent! [08:37] Glind     I have no interest in her at all! [08:39] Fennel     You've got no right to say that     when you've never even met her! [08:42] Viola     Are you calling Mama unappealing?! [08:44] Glind     What do you want from me?! [08:47] Viola     But I like that you grasped what a wonderful     mother she is from so little information. [08:51] Viola     You have good instincts. [08:53] Glind     I think she just accepted me. [08:55] Viola     You can come visit our house     if you promise never to flirt with her! [09:00] Viola     You're my new friend, after all! [09:02] Glind     Ba-dum. [09:03] Viola     FYI, I don't mean, "let's start     with friendship." [09:07] Viola     I mean, "this will never progress     beyond friendship." [09:11] Glind     Thank you for not leaving me     false hope, I guess. [09:16] Waitress     Here's your bill. [09:18] Fennel     Right, thanks. [09:20] Restaurant Staff     Thank you very much! [09:25] Glind     Aw, she's not interested. [09:28] Fennel     Don't give up on her.     It's not like there's zero hope. [09:34] Fennel     I'm on your side, no matter what.     I'll support you. [09:39] Glind     Fennel... [09:41] Fennel     Plus, if she gets a lover, her     over-protectiveness for Alyssa might let up. [09:45] Glind     So it's about you?! [09:46] Glind     I don't want to be "supported"     out of self-interest! [09:49] Fennel     Why not?! I'm saying let's help each     other out as two self-interested men! [09:53] Glind     Don't get mad at me! [09:55] Fennel     I'm telling you, it's fine.     She's got some big weak spots. [09:59] Fennel     You can do this if you push it! [10:01] Fennel     And if you two get together,     that'll be the perfect setup [10:04] Fennel     for me to get closer to Alyssa     while she's lonely for her kid! [10:08] Glind     Um... [10:11] Viola     You left your wallet at the restaurant. [10:25] Viola     I'm home! [10:28] Alyssa     Welcome—hmm? Who is this? [10:32] Viola     This is Glind. We made friends! [10:36] Alyssa     Hello! I'm Alyssa, Viola's mother. [10:41] Alyssa     Er... [10:42] Glind     ...won't defy... [10:43] Glind     ...defy... [10:46] Glind     I will never defy your daughter, ma'am. [10:50] Alyssa     What happened today?! [10:51] Viola     Nothing, why? [11:09] Alyssa     I'm home! [11:11] Viola     Welcome back! [11:13] Viola     You left so suddenly. What were you— [11:16] Viola     Mama, what's that? [11:19] Alyssa     Let me show you. [11:23] Viola     You laid an egg, Mama?! [11:25] Alyssa     Why would you think that?! SIGN    The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister [11:28] Viola     "The Monitoring Circumstances     of the Egg and Big Sister." [11:32] Viola     I didn't know angels laid eggs. [11:35] Alyssa     I'm hearing some scary things     from you, but they're wrong! [11:39] Alyssa     This is a lizardkin egg! [11:42] Viola     Lizardkin? Does it belong to     Guita and Malak from town? [11:49] (Flashback) Gita     Sorry this is so last-minute! [11:51] Alyssa     Yep, the hunter couple. SIGN    Lizardkin hunter SIGN    Guita Age 27 [11:54] Alyssa     A job came in that they need     to work together on, [11:56] Alyssa     so they asked me to watch their egg. SIGN    Malak / Ditto / Age 31 [11:59] Viola     Sorry, Mama. The shock got me all confused. [12:03] Alyssa     I didn't hatch from an egg, by the way. [12:06] Viola     So you were born from a flower! [12:10] Baby Alyssa     Goo goo! [12:11] Alyssa     Are you still confused?! [12:15] Alyssa     Anyway, do you want to     try holding the egg, Viola? [12:19] Viola     Me?! [12:20] Alyssa     Uh-huh! [12:30] Alyssa     People who aren't used to babies     have a special sort of awkwardness... [12:38] Viola     I can't! I'm afraid I'll drop it! [12:40] Alyssa     It's scary when you're not used to it, huh? [12:43] Viola     But I guess the baby's     protected inside the egg. [12:47] Viola     I'd probably be even scareder     with a human baby. [12:51] Alyssa     You're right, the egg     is pretty hard to break, [12:53] Alyssa     but they still seem to worry. [12:55] (Flashback) Gita     I'm terrified every day [12:58] (Flashback) Gita     that I'll leave it somewhere,     or break it, or let it get kidnapped. [13:03] (Flashback) Gita     I wish I could keep it inside me     until the baby's born, like a human. [13:07] Narrator     Egg-rearing pressure! SIGN    Egg-rearing Pressure [13:09] Viola     I guess it's rough for everyone... [13:13] Viola     Oh, hey—do different eggs     have different markings? [13:17] Alyssa     They vary, but eggs from the same parents     all have the same basic pattern. [13:24] Alyssa     So apparently, affairs by female lizardkin     always get found out... SIGN    First     Child SIGN    First     Child SIGN    Second     Child SIGN    First     Child SIGN    Second     Child [13:33] Viola     That's dark. [13:44] Phoenix     Who is that egg-based creature?! [13:48] Viola     I bet this is what the husband acts like. [13:53] Phoenix     I see, a lizardkin child. [13:57] Phoenix     If I touch it, I might invite calamity. [14:01] Viola     Huh? Is there a legend about that? [14:04] Phoenix     Nay. But I thought the parents would not like [14:07] Phoenix     a stranger getting touchy with their baby. [14:10] Viola     His reason was grounded in reality. [14:13] Phoenix     As the big sister, thou shouldst care for it     with devotion enough for us both. [14:19] Viola     Big sister? [14:24] Viola     Say, Mama. Want me to change its diaper? [14:27] Alyssa     But it's still in its shell. [14:30] Viola     Then should we give it a bath? [14:32] Alyssa     Guita said they don't bathe babies     while they're still in the shell. [14:35] Viola     Oh... [14:37] Alyssa     But the lizardkin village has a tradition [14:40] Alyssa     of putting eggs in a special spring     and praying for their health. SIGN    Local Event [14:46] Viola     Wow, that's kind of cute! [14:49] Phoenix     It soundeth like egg-boiling. [14:51] Alyssa     Hey! [14:54] Alyssa     Look, Phoen, now Viola's on the defensive     because of your insensitive remark! [15:00] Phoenix     The maternal instinct bareth its fangs. [15:06] Alyssa     There aren't many things we can do     for an unhatched baby, [15:08] Alyssa     since eggs don't need baths,     diapers, or feeding. [15:12] Viola     Aw, I wanna do something for it! [15:17] Alyssa     In that case, why not read it a story? [15:21] Alyssa     Babies can hear outside sounds     even while they're still in eggs [15:24] Alyssa     or in their moms' tummies! [15:27] Viola     Then I'll explain the pictures     in your album to it! [15:30] Viola     I'll soothe it with the cutest     thing in the world. [15:33] Phoenix     I bid thee to select thy educational     materials by normal standards. [15:37] Alyssa     Exactly! Let's do Viola's album instead! [15:40] Phoenix     I bid thee learnest from     the mistakes of others. [15:43] Phoenix     If sounds reach it,     perhaps my song would suit? [15:47] Phoenix     I shall serenade it with     the warblings of the little birds. [15:51] Alyssa     "Little"? [15:52] Viola     Is that okay? There won't be a weird wave? [15:56] Phoenix     Thou woundest me. [15:57] Phoenix     My song bringeth serenity to all life,     regardless of species. [16:03] Phoenix     It shall lead ye to peace of mind as well! [16:08] Viola     I kind of want to hear that! [16:12] Phoenix     The visual and auditory hallucinations     which beset listeners after the fifth minute [16:15] Phoenix     are its only drawback. [16:17] Viola     Then there is a wave! [16:22] Alyssa     I'll hold it, so why don't     we just talk to it normally? [16:26] Viola     Okay, I'll do that. [16:28] Viola     Grow up big and strong! [16:31] Viola     Specifically, around five meters! [16:36] Alyssa     Your expectation is too high! [16:38] Alyssa     I think we should avoid putting pressure     on the baby before it's even born. [16:42] Viola     Good point. We want kids     to grow up free and independent. [16:46] Viola     Either big or small is okay! [16:49] Viola     Even not being a lizardkin is okay! [16:53] Seaweed Baby     I wanna be seaweed! [16:55] Alyssa     That's too much freedom! [17:11] Gita     Thanks so much for today. [17:13] Alyssa     Nonsense, it was my pleasure. [17:16] Malak     A token of our thanks. [17:18] Malak     It's an ostrich egg boiled     in a magma hot spring. [17:20] Narrator     This is a gift associated with     the lizardkin village's baby blessing event. [17:26] Narrator     It's a sort of dark joke which non-locals     aren't sure whether to laugh at or not. [17:31] Narrator     It's tasty. [17:33] Malak     You can do whatever you want with this egg. [17:37] Alyssa     Th-Thank you. [17:41] Gita     Did Viola help look after it, too? [17:44] Alyssa     Yes, and so did Phoen! [17:46] Malak     Who's "Phoen"? [17:48] Phoenix     Thou calledst? [17:51] Malak     What's with this giant bird?! [17:52] Phoenix     Hmm? Me? [17:52] Alyssa     Er, he's a phoenix. He's Viola's familiar. [17:56] Gita     My, how impressive! [17:59] Gita     Viola. [18:02] Gita     Give it a hug goodbye. [18:04] Viola     Huh? [18:04] Viola     Oh, no, I haven't even held it!     I don't have experience, so I might drop it! [18:10] Gita     Don't worry! No baby of ours is that fragile. [18:14] Gita     Here. [18:21] Alyssa     Wonderful! You're holding it really well. [18:24] Gita     She's right. Keep being friends, all right? [18:29] Viola     Okay! [18:31] Viola     I'll support this baby even if     it turns into seaweed. [18:36] Gita     Where did that come from?! [18:48] Fennel     Alyssa invited me to eat with her.     My time has finally come! [19:14] Fennel     So what is this, exactly? [19:17] Viola     A friend-making club, maybe? [19:19] Fennel     How old do you think I am? [19:23] Fennel     Er, Viola... Are you by any chance     holding a grudge about the café date? [19:29] Viola     Oh, no. I just thought     maybe you'd back off of Mama [19:34] Viola     if you made some new friends. [19:37] Fennel     You're totally holding a grudge! [19:41] Viola     You brought me someone last time, right? [19:44] Viola     So this time, I brought you someone. [19:49] Fennel     Me? [19:52] Fennel     Are you really introducing me     to one of your female friends? [19:56] Fennel     No, Fennel! Alyssa is your one and only! [20:02] Viola     This is Live Food Lover. [20:06] Fennel     You are obviously holding a grudge! [20:09] Fennel     Dammit, Viola! [20:10] Fennel     More importantly, what are you     doing here? Stay away from me! [20:15] Viola     Livie wants to get to know you better. [20:17] Viola     Good for you, getting a love confession. [20:20] Fennel     This is a different kind of love!     Specifically, the "favorite food" kind! [20:25] Viola     That's not a nice thing to say. [20:28] Viola     People who can't respond     to others' emotions with kindness [20:31] Viola     are Mama's least favorite type. [20:40] Fennel     Too scary! [20:41] Fennel     Its name is threatening, [20:43] Fennel     and I don't get the point     of a monster who only eats elves! [20:47] Live Food Lover     Oh, but I love the morning dew     and the flowers' nectar, too. [20:51] Fennel     You can talk? [20:54] Fennel     H-Hey, stop! [20:55] Fennel     Viola! Don't just watch, help me! [20:58] Fennel     We're at the limit here! [21:01] Viola     See you later! [21:03] Viola     The third wheel will leave so     you two can have a good time. [21:07] Fennel     W-Wait! Don't leave us alone! [21:11] Fennel     Hey! Hey! [21:20] Fennel     Um... [21:22] Fennel     You like flowers' nectar, right? [21:40] Fennel     Help me! [21:42] Fennel     Help! [21:44] Viola     Hmm... Maybe I went a little too far. SIGN    Preview [22:59] Viola     This is Alyssa! [23:00] Viola     This is Viola! [23:01] Alyssa     Ready, go: [23:02] Alyssa/Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:05] Alyssa     Fennel tells us the secrets of his hometown. [23:07] Viola     Yay! Potato-digging with Mama! [23:10] Alyssa     "The Classified Circumstances     of the Elfin Forest"! [23:11] Viola     "The Potato-Digging Circumstances     of Love and Legend"! SIGN    The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest SIGN    The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend [23:14] Alyssa     Hey, Viola, what is that running thing?! [23:16] Viola     That? Just a potato. E5 - The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest / The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:03] Fennel     Hi, I'm Fennel! [00:05] Fennel     A strapping young elf of 183 years! [00:08] Fennel     Why am I running like     a bat out of hell, you ask? [00:11] Fennel     I'll tell you! [00:13] Fennel     It's because I get to see     Alyssa without Viola there! [00:21] Alyssa     Viola's out running errands. [00:23] (Flashback) Fennel     Shoo-wa-ha-hallo?!?! [00:25] Alyssa     Hmm? Jute mallow? SIGN    "Jute Mallow" SIGN    The King of Vegetables [00:26] Narrator     Jute mallow, the king of vegetables! [00:35] Fennel     Alyssa, it is I, your Fennel! [00:43] Alyssa     Eat as many as you want. [00:44] Glind     Thank you! [00:49] Fennel     You homewrecker! [00:54] Glind     No fair! I've done nothing! SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest [02:29] Fennel     "The Classified Circumstances     of the Elfin Forest." [02:37] Fennel     Sorry, I lost my cool. [02:40] Fennel     Why are you here? [02:41] Glind     To fix some furniture. [02:43] Alyssa     You're fighting? [02:44] Glind     Happens all the time. [02:47] Fennel     Sorry to keep being mean, but     if you're done fixing, please go home. [02:50] Fennel     Leave us alone together! You get it, right? [02:54] Glind     No can do. [02:55] Fennel     Why not? [02:56] Glind     Viola asked me to get in your way. [03:00] Fennel     She thinks of everything! [03:01] Fennel     Don't just let her use you!     Have you no pride?! [03:05] Glind     Excuse me?! I enjoy making     myself useful to girls! [03:09] Alyssa     Boys are so energetic. [03:13] Glind     Hanging out with you     ruins my image of elves. [03:16] Fennel     Lay off! [03:17] Alyssa     Do you like elves, Glind? [03:20] Glind     Yes! [03:21] Glind     Their mystical, willowy,     untouchable appearance is my ideal! [03:26] Glind     I'd love a chance to visit     the elfin village just once. [03:31] Fennel     It's just dirt and old people. [03:33] Glind     How could you say that?! [03:35] Fennel     You call us "mystical," but the reality is, [03:37] Fennel     so few have seen our village because     it's so far out in the middle of nowhere. [03:42] Fennel     Only one carriage comes     through there per day. [03:45] Glind     You're killing me here. [03:49] Fennel     Thanks to that, all the young people leave, [03:52] Fennel     so almost half the population is     over 650 years old at this point. [03:55] Glind     Too untouchable! [03:57] Glind     No... [03:59] Glind     I can't believe it's not a paradise of beautiful     elfin women as far as the eye can see! [04:02] Fennel     Stop dreaming! [04:04] Fennel     I mean, there are some young women, but     they're mostly moms who married young. [04:08] Glind     Huh? [04:10] Glind     You mean... it's an elfin MILF paradise? [04:12] Fennel     Crap, I gave him a new dream. [04:15] Alyssa     I-I think it's plenty mystical! [04:18] Alyssa     Like the great tree in the middle     of the village! Isn't it wonderful? [04:22] Glind     Now that's what I'm talking about! [04:25] Alyssa     There's a sacred tree     called the Great Mana Tree [04:28] Alyssa     that the elves have revered for ages. [04:32] Alyssa     It's in a lovely place with such clean air [04:34] Alyssa     that you feel like just     being there is purifying you. [04:37] Glind     That sounds great. [04:39] Fennel     Yeah, I like it there, too. [04:42] Fennel     It's a date spot... [04:44] Fennel     children's playground... [04:46] Fennel     old-geezer hangout... [04:48] Fennel     and tourist spot.     Basically, the only thing in town. [04:51] Glind     That's your only place to have fun?! [04:53] Glind     I take it you've visited the elves, Alyssa? [04:57] Alyssa     Yep! I did a homestay there     for my magical studies. [05:02] Alyssa     My parents were friends     with Fennel's older brother, [05:05] Alyssa     so I stayed with them. [05:07] Alyssa     That's when I got to know Fennel. [05:11] Glind     Wait, you have a brother? [05:14] Glind     What about sisters?! [05:15] Fantasy Elfin Sister     I appreciate your kindness to my brother. [05:18] Fennel     If I had any, I wouldn't tell you. [05:20] Fennel     But I'll introduce you to my brother! [05:22] Fennel     His hobby is weightlifting, and     his specialty is martial arts. SIGN    Burl Burl Burl [05:25] Older Brother     Burly muscles! [05:27] Glind     No! An elf would never do such things! [05:31] Alyssa     Elves are usually good-looking, aren't they? [05:34] Alyssa     Like you and your brother. [05:36] Fennel     Y-You really think so? [05:40] Glind     I bet they never poop. [05:43] Fennel     Oh, they do. [05:44] Fennel     They fart and poop by the bucketful. [05:47] Fennel     Face reality. [05:49] Glind     Don't say "bucketful"! [05:51] Fennel     Okay, thimbleful. [05:53] Glind     That doesn't help! [05:57] Fennel     No, I'm sorry, we goofed around too much! [06:00] Glind     I'm sorry! I'll die if you want! [06:02] Glind     New topic: magic! [06:04] Glind     What's elfin magic like? [06:06] Alyssa     I suppose you could say it gets     the same results by a different process. SIGN    Witches SIGN    They use their innate magic. [06:11] Alyssa     Witches use their innate magic, SIGN    Elves          They use     mana SIGN    (Natural     World     Energy) [06:15] Alyssa     while elves use the energy of the     natural world, which is called "mana." [06:20] Alyssa     Elves also have their own unique     culture and beliefs. It's interesting! [06:23] Glind     Wow. [06:25] Fennel     Geezers sometimes try to push their customs     and superstitions on you, so be careful. [06:30] Glind     You stop talking! [06:32] Fennel     They'll cook up weird liquids     they call "mana soup" [06:35] Fennel     and try to feed them to you. [06:37] (Flashback) Elfin Granny     Purification! [06:39] (Flashback) Young Fennel     Don't want any! [06:40] Glind     That does sound bad. [06:41] Alyssa     Magic is great, but elves are most     famous for their archery, right? [06:46] Glind     Yes! The archers are so     dignified and beautiful. [06:49] Alyssa     I remember that your     aim was perfect, Fennel! [06:53] Fennel     Aw, gee, it's really no big deal! [06:56] Glind     Ugh. [06:58] Fennel     We're so starved for entertainment,     we just shoot arrows all day! [07:01] Glind     It's not a tradition of your race?! [07:03] Fennel     I mean, as a race we do     tend to like archery... [07:10] Fennel     ...but mostly there's so little to do     that we naturally end up honing our aim. [07:14] Male Elf     I'm over this. [07:15] Female Elf     Me too. [07:16] Glind     So it is tradition, in a sense? [07:19] Glind     But why are you saying     that stuff?! It's just mean! [07:22] Glind     It's like you're trying to crush my dreams! [07:25] Fennel     What? No, I swear I'm not. [07:27] Alyssa     Now, now. Fennel just got too     self-critical on his home's behalf. [07:32] Alyssa     But it's rare to hear an elfin point of view, [07:34] Alyssa     so I'm happy I got to. [07:37] Glind     She's so kind... [07:38] Fennel     I love her. [07:39] Fennel     Sorry about that.     I do love my hometown, honestly. [07:44] Fennel     It's just, hearing people gush about it [07:46] Fennel     makes me want to bring up     its bad points, too. [07:48] Fennel     What's that love-hate about? [07:50] Fennel     It makes me mad when     outsiders badmouth it, though. [07:54] Fennel     Maybe that's what loving your motherland is. [07:57] Fennel     It's an "I'm the only one who     gets to insult her!" type of thing. [08:00] Glind     She deserves fewer mixed signals. [08:05] Alyssa     We can see different sides of a place     when we change perspectives, right? [08:10] Glind     Mostly negative ones, in this case. [08:12] Alyssa     We're all different, and we     all feel things differently. [08:15] Alyssa     That's a good thing. [08:17] Alyssa     Isn't it fun to make new     discoveries like this? [08:21] Alyssa     Personally, I like the elfin village. [08:27] Fennel     Hearing that makes me want to visit home. [08:30] Glind     Fennel... [08:31] Fennel     And so... [08:34] Fennel     Will you return to my family's land with me? [08:36] Glind     That's the thinnest justification     for that question! [08:50] Viola     Did you just say you wanted     to return to the soil? SIGN    Home [08:53] Narrator     Hometown Burial SIGN    Hometo SIGN    Hometown SIGN    Hometown     Burial [08:55] Phoenix     Excessive contact detected. [08:59] Phoenix     System entering Armed Mode! [09:01] Fennel     When did you get here?! [09:03] Alyssa     Stop it! [09:07] Viola     Here. [09:08] Viola     Your shopping and the change! [09:10] Alyssa     Thank you. [09:12] Fennel     This ending, again? [09:14] Glind     I know I caused some of the     problem, but... cheer up, man. [09:18] Fennel     No, wait! [09:19] Fennel     I think we had a good vibe this time! [09:22] Fennel     There were compliments!     She said the word "like"! [09:25] Glind     About your village. [09:26] Fennel     Yes! I made progress today! [09:31] Narrator     Glind took a moment to muse [09:33] Narrator     that changing perspectives     really can change how you feel. [09:40] Viola     Let's go dig potatoes! [09:42] Alyssa     Potato-digging? [09:44] Alyssa     What brought this on? [09:46] Alyssa     We got a letter from Uncle Pound. [09:48] Viola     He says, "I grew a lot of sweet potatoes, [09:50] Viola     so come get as many as you want." [09:53] Alyssa     That's so generous! [09:55] Alyssa     Sweet potatoes, eh? [09:57] Alyssa     That sounds great! [09:58] Alyssa     Let's go visit. [09:59] Viola     This'll be fun! SIGN    The Potato-Digging Circumstances     of Love and Legend [10:15] Pondo     "The Potato-Digging     Circumstances of Love and Legend." [10:30] Viola     So we don't have to dig? [10:32] Alyssa     There's a bigger issue! [10:34] Pondo     Alyssa and Viola! I'm glad you came. SIGN    Lira's husband SIGN    Pound Age 40 [10:38] Alyssa     What is this?! How did this happen?! [10:42] Pondo     I should've known you'd worry... [10:44] Pondo     Can this be our secret? My wife     would be so angry if she found out. [10:49] Alyssa     I take it your reasons are indefensible. [10:54] Pondo     I was recently inspired in my gardening     hobby to try my hand at selective breeding. [10:58] Pondo     But it didn't go well. [11:02] Pondo     Then, one day... [11:06] Giriko     Yes, I see why you're upset. [11:15] Pondo     And then this happened. [11:17] Alyssa     Giriko! [11:21] Giriko     His potatoes did what now? [11:23] Giriko     Also, I didn't know you knew him. [11:25] Alyssa     What did you sell him?! [11:27] Giriko     A fertilizer. [11:29] Giriko     It's a masterpiece designed to     speed up the evolutionary process. [11:31] Giriko     I based it on a mandragora fertilizer. [11:32] Alyssa     No wonder their faces seemed familiar... [11:35] Giriko     Sorry about that.     I'll take care of it right now. [11:39] Pondo     No, that's all right. [11:40] Alyssa     What?! [11:42] Pondo     I haven't suffered any damages! [11:44] Pondo     These babies are the best.     Sweet and delicious! [11:48] Potato     Tater... [11:50] Pondo     They multiply without my interference, [11:53] Pondo     and they walk around on their own! [11:55] Potatoes     Taterrrrr! [11:55] Pondo     Although they do scream... [11:57] Alyssa     Those are damages! [11:58] Alyssa     Let's have her turn them back to normal! [12:00] Viola     Yeah, this is dangerous! [12:02] Pondo     Well, it is true that some     of them are tough to harvest. [12:05] Pondo     Maybe they're a little boisterous. [12:07] Alyssa     I'll go get Lira. [12:08] Pondo     No, don't! [12:10] Pondo     It's fine! [12:12] Pondo     They're harmless things [12:14] Pondo     like Spudcalibur, a potato     only the chosen can wield. [12:17] Viola     You'll start a legend! [12:19] Viola     Oh my gosh! [12:21] Alyssa     Oh no, she loves this kind of thing! [12:23] Viola     It's fine! It seems way more fun     than normal potato-digging! [12:27] Alyssa     I have a bad feeling. Let me     look at the others, too. [12:30] Pondo     Of course! [12:32] Pondo     Look back there. [12:35] Pondo     That's Potatoboros. [12:37] Alyssa     Weirdness already! [12:38] Pondo     Doesn't it remind you of ouroboros, the     serpent that symbolizes infinity and eternity? [12:43] Viola     Yeah. Does that mean     the potato will live forever? [12:48] Pondo     Nah, it just likes licking its tail. [12:52] Alyssa     You were only talking     about appearances, huh? [12:57] Viola     Anyone else notice a nice smell? [12:59] Pondo     Maybe it's my perfume! [13:01] Alyssa     Where does that confidence come from? [13:05] Viola     It's coming from that! [13:06] Alyssa     That's dangerous! [13:08] Pondo     That one wants to make sure it     gets eaten as a roasted potato, [13:11] Pondo     so it spontaneously combusts. [13:13] Alyssa     We need water! [13:14] Pondo     I named it Ifritter,     after the legendary ifrit. [13:18] Alyssa     This is no time for puns! [13:20] Pondo     Don't worry, those flames only burn Ifritter. [13:23] Alyssa     Really? [13:25] Viola     Mama, look over there. [13:29] Alyssa     I already see the pun. [13:33] Pondo     These are mertatoes. [13:35] Alyssa     I knew you'd say that. [13:37] Pondo     By the way, you can keep     cut potatoes from browning [13:40] Pondo     by placing them in water. [13:42] Viola     Wow. [13:43] Alyssa     Don't use that as a teaching tool! [13:50] Alyssa     Do you have any, er, safer types? [13:54] Pondo     Safer, eh? [13:56] Pondo     Well, then... [14:01] Slimato     Gloop! [14:03] Pondo     How about a Slimato? [14:04] Alyssa     Yay, it's relatively normal! [14:09] Pondo     I think its only flaw is     that when you unearth it, [14:11] Pondo     it shapeshifts into something shocking. [14:14] Alyssa     It's the most messed-up! [14:18] Alyssa     I can't believe the first variety     we saw was the "normal" one... [14:21] Viola     They're starting to seem cute. [14:24] Pondo     Well! Now that I've introduced them all, [14:26] Pondo     have fun potato-digging! [14:28] Alyssa     No, I'm getting Giriko to turn them back. [14:32] Pondo/Viola     What?! [14:33] Alyssa     It's a no-brainer! [14:34] Alyssa     Why would you think this is okay?!     They're nothing but problems! [14:38] Pondo     How could you?! I've raised them this far! [14:42] Pondo     My son is a teenager, and he pays     no attention to me these days... [14:47] Pondo     These kids accepted my love     and gave it an outlet! [14:51] Alyssa     So this is what happens [14:54] Alyssa     when he turns to agriculture to     relieve his parenting burnout. [14:58] Viola     Poor Uncle... [15:02] Viola     I could never handle it if Mama     stopped paying attention to me! [15:07] Alyssa     You're being overly sensitive! [15:09] Viola     Let's let them be! [15:11] Pondo     I beseech you for mercy. [15:14] Alyssa     Am I the weird one here?! [15:17] Lira     I've heard everything. [15:20] Alyssa     Lira? [15:21] Lira     You're the dumbest husband. [15:23] Pondo     Wh-What are you doing here? [15:25] Pondo     I thought you were out of town shopping. [15:27] Lira     I came back early because     you've been acting weird. [15:32] Lira     Not to mention... [15:36] Lira     Isn't accepting your love my job? [15:41] Pondo     I shall give it all to you! [15:43] Alyssa     I don't even care anymore. [15:47] Lira     And you accept my feelings, too. [15:52] Lira     My pent-up feelings of wrath! [15:55] Pondo     Spudcalibur?! [15:58] Lira     I can feel power welling up inside me. [16:01] Lira     I felt called to it somehow, so     I pulled it up on the way here. [16:05] Alyssa     It chose you?! [16:07] Lira     You do nothing but make messes. [16:11] Lira     Therefore, I'm constantly cleaning up. [16:16] Lira     Ever thought of that?! [16:25] Viola     Auntie can't be cajoled. [16:27] Alyssa     Unlike the potatoes. [16:32] Giriko     Here I am! [16:34] Narrator     Eventually the potatoes were     returned to normal by Giriko. [16:44] Lira     Our apologies. [16:46] Alyssa     It's all right. [16:48] Narrator     Alyssa and Viola received some     potatoes, as was their original goal. [16:53] Alyssa     Today's snack is sweet potato steak! [16:56] Viola     Thank you. [17:02] Phoenix     Roasted potato. [17:05] Narrator     They ate a potato-based diet     for the next week, or so we are told. [17:17] Alyssa     What is this? [17:27] Alyssa     What's going on?! [17:39] Narrator     Mandragoras! These are humanoid     plants used in magic and alchemy. SIGN    Mandragora [17:44] Narrator     When unearthed, they unleash     a scream that drives listeners mad. [17:49] Alyssa     A mandragora? [17:51] Alyssa     I don't remember planting any over here... [17:55] Viola     Don't talk, Mama. [17:57] Alyssa     Viola? Did you— [18:00] Viola     Get in the shed and I'll explain. [18:02] Viola     Walk quietly. [18:08] Viola     We should be safe for now. [18:10] Alyssa     Viola, explain this! [18:12] Viola     Um, they went a little wild... [18:15] Alyssa     "Wild"? [18:19] Alyssa     What's that? [18:24] Spudhemoth     Tater! [18:28] Alyssa     Potato hazard... [18:30] Viola     No, please! Anything but that! [18:34] Narrator     "Enlightenment." SIGN    Title: "Enlightenment" [18:36] Narrator     "Shyness." SIGN    Title: "Shyness" SIGN    Title: "Fertility" [18:39] Narrator     "Fertility." SIGN    Title: "Degradation" [18:41] Narrator     "Degradation." [18:45] Viola     Mandragoras with awesome     shapes are priceless! [18:49] Alyssa     You're acting like those     are our top sellers. [18:53] Alyssa     Wait, those look like Pound's potatoes... [18:57] Alyssa     Why? [18:59] Viola     The thing is... [19:01] (Flashback) Giriko     I made some improvements to the fertilizer. [19:05] (Flashback) Giriko     Can you test it on some mandragoras for me? [19:08] (Flashback) Viola     Sure! [19:10] (Flashback) Viola     Hmm... How much do I use? [19:15] (Flashback) Viola     Well, more is better, right? [19:18] (Flashback) Viola     Grow big and strong! [19:24] Viola     And here we are. [19:26] Alyssa     Giriko! [19:32] Viola     No shouting! They respond to sound. [19:35] Alyssa     What do we do? [19:37] Viola     Let's let them keep fighting. [19:39] Viola     We'll catch them right after the battle     ends, when their guard is down. [19:42] Alyssa     Good idea. [19:44] Viola     By the way, the bigger one is Spudhemoth. SIGN    Spudhemoth SIGN    Centater [19:47] Viola     He grows by eating other potatoes. [19:50] Viola     That's how Uncle Pound's field     didn't end up littered with tubers. [19:55] Alyssa     Wait, he's a cannibal? [20:02] Alyssa     He... doesn't eat humans, does he? [20:04] Viola     I don't think so. [20:06] Alyssa     Look me in the eye! [20:09] Alyssa     Anyway, it looks like     the battle's almost over. [20:13] Alyssa     If we only have Spudhemoth to deal     with, our magic should be enough. [20:17] Viola     We'll see. [20:20] Viola     That's Centater. [20:22] Viola     It has the upper body of a potato     and the lower body of a horse. [20:25] Viola     It runs so fast, even Auntie     Giriko had trouble catching it! [20:30] Alyssa     Now what?! This battle could last forever! [20:34] Viola     Oh, it'll end. Any moment now. [20:44] Viola     After fighting with all     their might, they can tell. [20:48] Viola     They know the next strike will be the last. [20:51] Alyssa     We're talking about potatoes, right? [21:01] Alyssa     Well? Who won?! SIGN    Superlative [21:14] Viola     They combined! SIGN    Combination SIGN    Centahemoth SIGN    Centahemoth [21:18] Alyssa     It seems stronger.     Doesn't it seem stronger?! [21:28] Viola     Oh wow, too cool! [21:31] Alyssa     Giriko, get over here! Now! [21:34] Alyssa     Giriko turned them into normal potatoes     right away, so that was good, but... [21:40] Viola     Phoenix! [21:41] Viola     Are you interested in combining? [21:44] Alyssa     Stop that! [21:45] Narrator     Viola was obsessed with combining     for some time afterwards. [22:58] Alyssa     This is Alyssa. SIGN    Preview [22:59] Viola     This is Viola. [23:00] Alyssa     Beckoned by a flower fairy,     Viola and I make a trip. [23:04] Alyssa     We arrive at a garden     that has forgotten to bloom. [23:06] Viola     A flower fairy? [23:08] Alyssa     It's a rose-themed story     about people's emotions. [23:11] Alyssa/Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... SIGN    The Assemblage Circumstances      of the Rose Garden [23:13] Alyssa/Viola     "The Assemblage Circumstances     of the Rose Garden"! [23:15] Alyssa     Look forward to it! [23:16] Viola     Are we sure it's not a bu— [23:18] Alyssa     Viola! E6 - The Assemblage Circumstances of the Rose Garden Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch [00:10] Phoenix     Greetings, contracted. [00:12] Viola     You startled me!     What's up? [00:15] Phoenix     I encountered a visitor nearby,     so I have guided him here. [00:20] Viola     A visitor? [00:21] Phoenix     One who claims to have an urgent     request of thee and thy mother. [00:25] Phoenix     Come forth, visitor. [00:38] Hip     Hello, I'm— SIGN    The Assemblage Circumstances of the Rose Garden [00:42] Alyssa/Viola     "The Assemblage Circumstances     of the Rose Garden." [00:47] Viola     Mama! Mama! [00:50] Viola     Mama! [00:52] Viola     A butt talked to me! [00:54] Alyssa     My daughter's gone crazy! [00:57] Viola     I'm telling the truth! Look. [01:00] Hip     How rude! I am a respectable— [01:03] Alyssa     A fairy? [01:04] Viola     What? You're kidding! [01:05] Viola     I thought fairies were... more, um... [01:10] Fairy     I'm a fairy! Sparkle! [01:13] Alyssa     It's true that most people     imagine them that way. [01:16] Alyssa     But their appearances differ     based on where they were born [01:18] Alyssa     and the environment around them, [01:21] Alyssa     so it's not unusual for them     to take non-human shapes. [01:24] Viola     Okay, but a clearly butt-shaped one?! [01:31] Alyssa     Er... [01:32] Alyssa     I apologize for my daughter's rudeness. [01:35] Alyssa     May I ask your name? [01:38] Hip     Pleased to make your acquaintance.     I am the Rosehip Fairy. [01:41] Hip     Please, call me by my nickname "Hip"! [01:44] Viola     See? Hips are butt-adjacent! [01:45] Alyssa     Shhh! [01:46] Viola     So, Hip, what brings you here? [01:51] Hip     I'm sorry to trouble you with     a request out of the blue, but... [01:57] Hip     I'd like you to stop my brother. [02:03] Anna     Welcome, I've been expecting you. [02:06] Anna     My name is Anna Fiatoio. SIGN    Anna Fiatoio SIGN    Fiatoio Family Heiress [02:11] Alyssa     Good afternoon. [02:12] Viola     Hello. [02:15] Anna     I'm so moved to meet     a real witch of the forest! [02:18] Viola     Uh... [02:19] Alyssa     Over here! I'm the witch! [02:23] Anna     I'm so sorry! I didn't expect you     to be so sma—er, young. [02:28] Alyssa     Oh, I'm used to it... [02:31] Anna     But let me ask you, how did you find out... [02:39] Anna     ...that the flowers in our garden     have stopped blooming? [02:45] Viola     There really isn't a single bloom. [02:47] Anna     I've done everything I can think of,     but I just don't know what's causing it. [02:53] Anna     It was so heartening to receive     a witch's request to investigate! [02:59] Anna     Would a gold bar be     a sufficient token of thanks? [03:02] Alyssa     So, no pressure here... [03:04] Alyssa     Well, first let me just take     a look at the garden. [03:07] Alyssa     Let's talk after that. [03:09] Anna     Oh, I see. [03:11] Anna     Please go ahead, then. [03:13] Anna     I'll make you some tea! [03:16] Viola     Thanks! [03:18] Hip     Ladies! [03:21] Hip     Thank you for coming. [03:23] Viola     Hello, Hip! [03:24] Viola     Hey, so is this what you     were saying your brother did? [03:29] Hip     Yes. I wasn't able to stop him. [03:38] Hip     Brother! It's the witch and her daughter! [03:42] Hip     Come out and speak to them! [04:02] Viola     More of them! [04:03] Alyssa     Viola! [04:04] Sweet Cheeks     You stand before the ruler of this     garden: the Meadowsweet Fairy! [04:09] Sweet Cheeks     To express your awe, you may     call me Sweet Cheeks! [04:12] Viola     I told you those were butts. [04:14] Alyssa     Shhh! [04:14] Sweet Cheeks     Hip... [04:16] Hip     Brother... [04:18] Sweet Cheeks     Why did you bring outsiders     here, you brat! [04:27] Hip     I did it because you won't listen     to me, you blockhead! [04:33] Sweet Cheeks     I refuse to pay attention to your nonsense! [04:41] Alyssa     What a sight. [04:42] Viola     Brothers butting heads... [04:45] Alyssa     Um, Mr. Sweet Cheeks?     We heard about the situation from Hip. [04:50] Viola     Shouldn't we all calm down a little? [04:54] Sweet Cheeks     You know nothing, so stay out of it! [04:56] Sweet Cheeks     I don't know what Hip told you,     but this is all for Anna's sake. [05:01] Viola     How so? Anna wants flowers! [05:04] Sweet Cheeks     Silence! [05:05] Sweet Cheeks     You just watch and see. [05:07] Viola     Watch what? [05:10] Anna     Here's your tea! [05:12] Anna     I apologize for the wait. [05:15] Anna     My fiancé is visiting. [05:17] Torino     Yo! [05:20] Anna     Allow me to introduce my     fiancé, Torino Ombrello. [05:24] Torino     Whassup, bros? [05:27] Anna     We plan to move to his family's     hometown after we're married. [05:32] Torino     But Anna's, like, too worried     about the garden to leave yet! [05:37] Torino     That's the sitch. So you witches     fix it up quick, yeah? [05:42] Torino     Please and thank you! [05:50] Anna     A durian came flying out of nowhere! [05:53] Alyssa     Um! We're still investigating,     so you two please wait inside! [05:58] Anna     Are you all right? [05:59] Torino     Totes okay! [06:01] Torino     Isn't this gushing wild? [06:03] Sweet Cheeks     Now you see. [06:05] Sweet Cheeks     I am holding this garden hostage     to stop Anna's marriage! [06:12] Alyssa     He sure is defensive. [06:14] Hip     My brother has watched over     Anna since she was a baby, [06:19] Hip     so he feels paternal toward her. [06:21] Viola     So it's the "You can't     have my daughter" thing. [06:24] Sweet Cheeks     He's clearly a beast who only     wants her for her money! [06:28] Sweet Cheeks     I have to protect her! [06:30] Alyssa     We shouldn't judge people     by their appearances. [06:33] Sweet Cheeks     Excuse me? [06:34] Sweet Cheeks     What would you do if your daughter     brought someone like that home?! [06:37] Viola     I'd crush him. [06:38] Sweet Cheeks     Why is the daughter the one who gets me?! [06:41] Viola     So basically, if we get them to     break up, the problem's solved? [06:46] Sweet Cheeks     Correct. [06:46] Alyssa     That'd create another problem! [06:48] Sweet Cheeks     Quiet, you! [06:51] Hip     I'm sorry. [06:53] Hip     I thought a witch with a child of her own [06:56] Hip     might be able to reason with him,     parent to parent... [07:01] Alyssa     Well, I do understand how he feels. [07:04] Alyssa     Of course he's worried. [07:07] Viola     Say, how about we investigate him? [07:11] Viola     Let's find out what sort of man he is,     then decide what to do. [07:14] Alyssa     Yeah, I think that's our only option. [07:17] Sweet Cheeks     I'll settle this as soon as you get the proof! [07:20] Sweet Cheeks     I'll paint this garden red with his blood. [07:24] Alyssa     Let's not assume he's a villain     before we even start! [07:29] Viola     We'll use Mirror Snooping to check his private life. [07:33] Hip     Is that possible? [07:35] Viola     Yeah, but it's not ethical. [07:38] Viola     Plus, we'll need a part     of his body to do the spell. [07:41] Hip     Part of his body? [07:43] Sweet Cheeks     Hey. [07:44] Sweet Cheeks     Would the blood left on the durian work? [07:47] Viola     It would, though I'm less enthused now... [07:56] Hip     This is it? [07:59] Alyssa     Isn't my daughter's magic amazing? [08:03] Sweet Cheeks     You're the witch here, right? [08:05] Viola     Okay, let's look at something     from a few days ago. [08:08] Sweet Cheeks     Footage of him cheating, please. [08:09] Hip     Brother! [08:11] Torino     Hey, babe! You here alone? [08:14] Alyssa     No way, you really found him cheating?! [08:16] Sweet Cheeks     I was right! [08:19] Torino     These look heavy.     I'll help you get 'em home! [08:22] Old Lady     My goodness! Thank you, dear. [08:27] Torino     Uh-oh! Are you, like, lost? [08:30] Torino     No worries, I got this!     I'll find your parents right now! [08:35] Butler     Young master, I'd like to speak     to you about tomorrow's dinner... [08:38] Torino     Hang tight. Gotta negotiate a deal,     but then I'm all yours! [08:43] Friend A     Torino! What base are you on with your girl? [08:46] Torino     Whoa there! I wouldn't ask her to     give it up before the wedding, obvs! [08:50] Friend B     You're like, so pure! [08:52] Torino     Bros, Anna's had it rough. [08:53] Torino     Her daddy died when she was a kid,     and she and her mama had to go it alone. [08:58] Torino     So I'm gonna be her knight in shining armor! [09:02] Friends A & B     Dude, mad respect! [09:06] Alyssa     So as we saw... [09:08] Alyssa     He's a shockingly good person! [09:10] Alyssa     Sir, we're sorry we judged you     by appearances! [09:13] Viola     Stop acting like a bouncy ball. [09:15] Viola     He's inheriting a family business,     he's a good person, [09:18] Viola     and he's devoted to his girlfriend. [09:20] Viola     I see no reason to object. [09:22] Hip     Agreed. What a relief! [09:24] Hip     I'm sure my brother will— [09:26] Sweet Cheeks     I'm not satisfied yet! [09:27] Sweet Cheeks     He might be a human     trafficker on his days off! [09:30] Torino     Lemme go sell a few people real quick! [09:33] Alyssa     That would be a huge problem! [09:35] Hip     Brother, isn't this enough?     If you keep going, it'll just be selfish. [09:39] Sweet Cheeks     What? [09:40] Viola     What's Sweet Cheeks's beef with him? [09:42] Alyssa     He doesn't have one. He'll just miss her. [09:45] Viola     Miss her? [09:46] Alyssa     I think that's just what it's like     when your daughter gets married, [09:50] Alyssa     no matter how wonderful her partner is. [09:53] Alyssa     I have you, so I can     understand how he feels. [09:57] Viola     And I can understand how he feels     because I have you, Mama! [10:00] Viola     Don't leave me! [10:01] Alyssa     You understand, huh? [10:03] Viola     But anyway! [10:04] Viola     If Anna's really that important to you,     tell her so in words! [10:09] Viola     Things are only complicated because     you're taking this weird indirect route. [10:13] Viola     Why won't you talk to her directly? [10:20] Alyssa     Viola, that's— [10:22] Anna     Hello, everyone! [10:23] Anna     How is it going? [10:26] Viola     Perfect timing! [10:28] Sweet Cheeks     Hey, stop! [10:30] Viola     Anna, this lil guy is— [10:32] Alyssa     Viola! [10:33] Viola     Here. [10:38] Anna     So, what have you two been     talking about out here? [10:45] Viola     Huh? "Two"? [10:48] Hip     I guess you didn't know. [10:50] Hip     Anna can't see us fairies. [11:04] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     What are you doing, Anna? [11:07] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Are you already old enough     to come out here on your own? [11:10] (Flashback) Giovanni     Anna, where are you? [11:12] (Flashback) Giovanni     Anna! [11:15] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     I guess not. [11:18] (Flashback) Giovanni     You were out here, eh? I was worried. [11:21] (Flashback) Young Anna     I looked at the flowers! [11:23] (Flashback) Giovanni     I understand, but you mustn't     go outside all by yourself. [11:26] (Flashback) Young Anna     Okay! [11:28] (Flashback) Giovanni     Anna, you're here alone again... [11:31] (Flashback) Young Anna     Father! [11:33] (Flashback) Giovanni     What is it, Anna? [11:34] (Flashback) Young Anna     This way, Father! [11:37] (Flashback) Giovanni     Shall we prune them soon, Anna? [11:40] (Flashback) Young Anna     Can we really?! [11:42] (Flashback) Giovanni     Yes. I'm happy about it, too. [11:53] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Giovanni's health was never good. [11:57] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     I didn't think he'd go so soon, though... [12:02] (Flashback) Young Anna     Father... [12:05] (Flashback) Young Anna     Father! [12:27] Hip     Humans without magic can't see fairies, [12:31] Hip     so Anna doesn't know about us. [12:35] Hip     I kept my distance from her,     because that made me sad. [12:39] Hip     But my brother... [12:43] Viola     I can't believe how insensitive I was! [12:46] Hip     Please don't cry! [12:48] Sweet Cheeks     I've had enough of this fuss! [12:51] Sweet Cheeks     My fears were groundless. [12:54] Sweet Cheeks     I'll restore the roses in the garden.     That'll be the end of it. [12:58] Sweet Cheeks     Now go home. [13:00] Viola     U-Um, that's... [13:04] Viola     I mean, just doing that is... um... [13:07] Viola     It's not good! [13:09] Sweet Cheeks     Organize your thoughts before you speak! [13:13] Anna     U-Um... [13:16] Anna     Why is Viola wailing to herself? [13:18] Alyssa     She's conversing! With nature! [13:20] Alyssa     Anyway, I think we're done for today! [13:26] Viola     So, yeah. [13:28] Viola     We're back! [13:29] Sweet Cheeks     They're back, and there's more of them! [13:32] Sweet Cheeks     I told you I'd restore the roses!     Your job here is done! [13:36] Alyssa     I know. Today we're just meddling. [13:39] Alyssa     Can I ask you to join us for a bit? [13:43] Sweet Cheeks     Do what you want. [13:44] Phoenix     Fear not, tiny life form. [13:47] Sweet Cheeks     And what the hell is this?! [13:49] Viola     A phoenix. [13:50] Phoenix     I must say... [13:51] Sweet Cheeks     What?! [13:52] Phoenix     'Tis quite unusual for an artificial     garden to produce fairies. [13:57] Viola     It is? [13:59] Alyssa     Most fairies are born from unsullied nature [14:01] Alyssa     that hasn't been interfered with by people. [14:04] Alyssa     It's partly an issue of compatibility     with the land and flora. [14:07] Alyssa     But the most important thing     is depth of emotion. [14:11] Alyssa     Fairies being born here shows that     someone truly treasured this place. [14:17] Viola     Wow. [14:18] Phoenix     Indeed. And that person was... [14:22] Phoenix     ...a fan of buttocks, it seems. [14:26] Alyssa     Let's not bring up that topic! [14:28] Sweet Cheeks     By the way... [14:29] Sweet Cheeks     Anna is the type who swoons over collarbones. [14:31] Torino     Collarbone! [14:32] Anna     Swoon! [14:32] Alyssa     Please don't reveal people's preferences! [14:36] Alyssa     Let's get back to why we're here. [14:38] Alyssa     There are actually a lot of ways     to make fairies visible. [14:41] Alyssa     Like spells or magical items. [14:43] Hip     Really?! [14:44] Phoenix     However, consent must be obtained     from the human observer. [14:49] Alyssa     Which means the first order of business     is to explain things to Anna. [14:53] Hip     Isn't this great, Brother? [14:56] Viola     Let's go see her! [14:58] Hip     Brother? [14:59] Sweet Cheeks     It's nothing. [15:03] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Hey! Wait! [15:06] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     You're too young to prune.     Leave it to the adults! [15:13] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Go hydrate! Your health     is fragile too, you know! [15:18] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     No! No mint! [15:20] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Anything but mint! [15:26] (Flashback) Hip     Even if she can't hear you,     you shouldn't yell at her so much. [15:29] (Flashback) Hip     She is trying to help the roses. [15:31] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     How can I not?! She's constantly     endangering herself! [15:33] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Look! She fell asleep     reading a book in the garden! [15:37] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     What if some criminal broke in? [15:39] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     She'd get kidnapped! [15:40] (Flashback) Hip     Good point... And after all,     we can't call for help if she needs it. [15:44] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     Not to mention, the sun is so bright today. [15:48] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     I'll concentrate the leaves here     to create more shade. [15:59] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks     It's enough. [16:03] Anna     You're asking if I sense     anything in the garden? [16:06] Alyssa     Yes. Even the tiniest detail     could be important. [16:08] Sweet Cheeks     Hey! Hey! [16:10] Sweet Cheeks     Don't jump straight to the point     like that. Ease her in! [16:14] Sweet Cheeks     You might scare her! [16:16] Viola     We know. [16:20] Anna     You'd want to hear it even if     I might just be imagining things? [16:24] Alyssa     Yes. [16:25] Anna     This garden is a memento of my father. [16:28] Anna     It's precious to me. I have many     fond memories of times we spent there. [16:32] Anna     I missed him so much after he died. [16:35] Anna     But when I went into the garden,     even if I was sad, I felt safe. [16:39] Anna     It felt like someone     was watching over me there. [16:44] Anna     So I've always wondered... [16:50] Anna     I've wondered if maybe     he's still in the garden! [16:57] Anna     I'm sorry I got so excited! [17:00] Anna     I know I'm overthinking things. [17:04] Anna     But still... [17:07] Anna     I've always been comforted by that "maybe." [17:14] Viola     She's not wrong. [17:16] Viola     She's not wrong, but it was Sweet Cheeks! [17:18] Viola     But she'd like for it to be her father! [17:20] Alyssa     Viola, calm down! [17:21] Hip     Please calm down! [17:23] Phoenix     Utter confusion. [17:24] Sweet Cheeks     Part of me suspected that. [17:28] Sweet Cheeks     Back to the old plan. I'll restore     the roses, and that's the end. [17:32] Sweet Cheeks     There's no need to tell her     that there are garden fairies [17:36] Sweet Cheeks     who physically reflect her father's fetish. [17:37] Alyssa     Please use euphemisms! [17:40] Viola     Uh... Um! [17:41] Viola     I think she'd be happy to know     she's had someone watching over her, [17:45] Viola     even if it's not her father! [17:47] Sweet Cheeks     You can't guarantee that. [17:50] Sweet Cheeks     I don't want to let my selfishness     grieve her any longer. [17:54] Sweet Cheeks     At this point, telling her in words     would only burden her. [18:00] Hip     Brother! [18:03] Hip     Brother! [18:04] Sweet Cheeks     Stop crying! [18:06] Alyssa     Very well. [18:07] Viola     Mama? [18:09] Alyssa     We will respect your wishes, Sweet Cheeks. [18:12] Alyssa     But may I mention one thing? [18:20] Torino     Anna! [18:22] Torino     Sorry I'm late! Whoa,     where's the magic chicks? [18:26] Anna     They stepped away for a while. [18:28] Anna     They told me we should wait here. [18:31] Torino     Weird. But hey... [18:33] Torino     Do you think they wanted me     here cuz it's my fault? [18:36] Anna     Of course not! [18:38] Anna     I'm the one who's made you wait so long     because of my problems. [18:41] Anna     I'm sorry. [18:42] Torino     Nah, it's totes okay! [18:44] Torino     I know about your daddy. [18:46] Torino     And weddings are all about timing, right? [18:48] Anna     Thank you. [18:50] Torino     Whenever you think it's time,     we'll just do the thing. [19:08] Torino     They're all goin' at once? [19:10] Torino     This is so dope!     It's like, "3, 2, 1, gorgeous"! [19:16] Torino     I'm so hyped! [19:20] Sweet Cheeks     It was such a simple thing, in the end. [19:24] Sweet Cheeks     It's not that I wanted to become her father. [19:27] Sweet Cheeks     It's not that I wanted     her gratitude or her love. [19:32] Sweet Cheeks     I just... [19:43] Alyssa     I know I said that it     might convey your feelings [19:47] Alyssa     to make the flowers bloom     in front of Anna and Torino... [19:51] Alyssa     But honestly... [19:53] Alyssa     I didn't think you'd use up every drop of      your energy to keep them blooming! [19:56] Viola     He's got fewer butts! [19:58] Phoenix     Eternal Breath. [20:01] Phoenix     Version 2! [20:03] Hip     Brother! [20:09] Hip     H-He's better! [20:11] Viola     Yay! [20:12] Phoenix     Peace. [20:12] Sweet Cheeks     What the hell is his deal? [20:14] Alyssa     That's a great question. [20:17] Hip     Alyssa, thank you so much, again! [20:20] Alyssa     Oh, this was all Sweet Cheeks.     All I did was voice an opinion. [20:24] Sweet Cheeks     You really were just meddling.     You hardly even used any magic. [20:29] Hip     Brother! [20:30] Alyssa     You're absolutely right. [20:32] Sweet Cheeks     But thanks to your meddling,     I got to convey my feelings. [20:36] Sweet Cheeks     I'm a fool. [20:38] Sweet Cheeks     I worried unnecessarily and     obsessed over things I shouldn't. [20:42] Alyssa     That's what parents do. [20:45] Alyssa     It's just... [20:46] Alyssa     I don't think you need to bottle up     the feelings you want to convey, [20:50] Alyssa     even if you may choose     an indirect way to share them. [20:52] Alyssa     Our time with them is limited, after all. [20:59] Alyssa     Especially for those like us... [21:07] Sweet Cheeks     Agreed. [21:11] Viola     Mama! [21:13] Viola     We got a letter from Anna! [21:15] Alyssa     Really? [21:16] Viola     Yep! She says they're all moved in,     so we should come visit. [21:19] Viola     She invited us to the wedding, too! [21:22] Alyssa     That should be fun. [21:23] Viola     Yeah! [21:24] Alyssa     But I think Sweet Cheeks and Hip     will feel lonely for a while. [21:28] Viola     It's okay. [21:30] Viola     There's still plenty of time! [21:34] Viola     They didn't get to talk this time,      but there will be other chances! [21:38] Viola     Plus, Anna might wake up     one day able to see fairies. [21:42] Phoenix     I heartily approve of children     being positive thinkers. [21:46] Viola     Hey, what does that mean?! [21:47] Alyssa     Don't worry about it. SIGN    Preview [22:57] Viola     This is Viola! [22:58] Alyssa     This is... Alyssa! [23:00] Alyssa     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:04] Viola     I make snacks with Mama! [23:06] Viola     Then we try to help a troubled older man. [23:08] Viola     "The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—     Of Course These Are Pastries!" [23:11] Viola?     "The Insomnia Circumstances     of the Sleep Fairy." SIGN    The Circumstances of Yep—Oops— Of Course These Are Pastries! SIGN    The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy [23:13] Viola     Mama looks like she's having fun! E7 - The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—Of Course These Are Pastries! /The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:18] Viola     Time to bake my best! [01:06] Viola     They're all set! [01:12] Viola     Mama! [01:14] Viola     Look at these! [01:17] Alyssa     What did you bake? [01:38] Alyssa     Poo— SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Circumstances of Yep—Oops— Of Course These Are Pastries! [03:09] Alyssa     "The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—     Of Course These Are Pastries!" [03:15] Viola     Don't these chocolate cookies look yummy? [03:17] Alyssa     Huh? [03:20] Alyssa     Y-Yeah! [03:21] Alyssa     Chocolate cookies! Right... [03:26] Viola     Sometimes you just suddenly     want to bake snacks, you know? [03:32] Alyssa     Th-They absolutely look like poop... [03:35] Alyssa     Do I scold her for playing     with food, or... [03:41] Alyssa     L-Listen, Viola... Those cookies... [03:46] Viola     Oh, right. [03:48] Viola     I tried shaping them like coiled-up jinn eels! [03:54] Viola     I didn't get them quite right,     so I'm a little embarrassed. [03:57] Alyssa     No, they're perfect!     Anyone could see that they're eels! [04:02] Viola     Really? [04:03] Viola     Yay! A compliment from Mama! [04:07] Alyssa     Stupid, stupid Alyssa! [04:10] Alyssa     I'm terrible for thinking     food looked like p— [04:14] Alyssa     My heart is impure. [04:15] Alyssa     Viola put her all into making these! [04:23] Alyssa     That's right, Alyssa.     These cookies are coiled-up jinn eels! [04:27] Eel 1     It's me! [04:30] Eel 2     Nice to meet you! [04:31] Eel 3     Hello! [04:32] Eel 4     How are you? [04:33] Eel 5     Okay, okay! [04:35] Eel 6     Have a nice day! [04:36] Eel 7     Don't worry! [04:37] Eel 8     Here we go! [04:39] Eel 9     Oh my God! [04:39] Eel 10     Hi! [04:40] Alyssa     Now eels are all I see.     They're starting to seem cute! [04:45] Viola     I couldn't really get     this one to coil, though. [04:49] Alyssa     It's p—It's precious! SIGN    Jinn Eel SIGN    Jinn Eel [04:54] Alyssa     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! [04:59] Viola     Mama, what's wrong? Are you sick? [05:01] Alyssa     Don't worry, the only problem     is with my head! [05:05] Viola     Why are you suddenly bashing yourself?! [05:07] Viola     I'm not sure what's wrong,     but try eating a cookie to cheer up. [05:12] Viola     It's fresh from the oven, so it's piping hot! [05:14] Alyssa     Don't use tongs to hold it! [05:17] Viola     Huh? But it'd be dangerous     to use my bare hands. [05:21] Alyssa     Y-You're right... That wouldn't be good... [05:26] Alyssa     I've got it! [05:28] Alyssa     I bet they only look like that     because they're brown. [05:31] Alyssa     I'm sure another color wouldn't bother me! [05:35] Viola     Mama? [05:36] Alyssa     Hey. [05:37] Alyssa     Want to make some in other flavors?     I'll bake with you. [05:43] Viola     Yay! Sounds great! [05:59] Viola     I think Mama's having fun! [06:01] Alyssa     O-Oh, no! I'm 223 years old,     but I couldn't help laughing [06:06] Alyssa     at the colorful array of p— [06:11] Alyssa     Snap out of it, Alyssa. These are jinn eels! [06:16] Viola     You know, I think we made a few too many. [06:19] Viola     Hey, let's give them as gifts! [06:23] Alyssa     Hold it right there! [06:27] Viola     Is this a good way to wrap them? [06:30] Viola     No putting them in plastic bags! [06:33] Viola     Is there something wrong     with my cookies after all? [06:36] Alyssa     No, not at all! [06:38] Viola     But Mama, you've been acting weird. [06:41] Viola     I thought maybe you couldn't bear     to tell me because you're too nice. [06:44] Alyssa     No, Viola, you've done nothing wrong! [06:48] Alyssa     I'm the one who's bad and wrong! [06:50] Alyssa     My impure heart makes me see the world wrong [06:53] Alyssa     because I'm a terrible mother     who should be ashamed of herself! [06:55] Viola     That's going overboard! [07:00] Alyssa     Sorry I made you worry. [07:03] Alyssa     They're really good! [07:06] Viola     Really? [07:07] Alyssa     Mm-hmm! [07:12] Alyssa     They're so good, I can't help but smile! [07:16] Viola     Mama... [07:17] Viola     Thank goodness.     Time for me to have one, too! [07:31] Viola     Mama?! Oh, no, I'll get you some water! [07:34] Alyssa     Wait, it's not stuck     in my throat or anything— [07:38] Phoenix     I smell something sweet. [07:51] Phoenix     I do not approve of playing     with one's food. Bad girl! [07:56] Alyssa     Th-This isn't what it looks like! [08:02] Narrator     Later, everyone enjoyed     the cookies together. [08:10] Narrator     Jinn eels. Strictly speaking,     they are not spirits, [08:14] Narrator     but monsters which strikingly     resemble spotted garden eels. [08:16] Narrator     Despite their steely gaze,     they are exceedingly mild-mannered. [08:20] Narrator     They come in diverse patterns and colors, [08:22] Narrator     and the golden jinn eel is said     to be a symbol of good fortune. [08:27] Golden Jinn Eel     God bless you. [08:34] Viola     "And then they lived     happily ever after. The end." [08:42] Alyssa     Viola, it's time to go to sleep. [08:45] Viola     Aw, but I'm not sleepy. [08:47] Alyssa     Sheesh. [08:49] Alyssa     If you don't go to sleep,     the Sandmann will come for you! [08:56] Viola     Wow, I haven't heard that story in a while! [08:59] Alyssa     If kids stay up too late, he plucks     out their eyes to take home! [09:06] Viola     I'm not scared. [09:07] Viola     I know that's just a made-up story     to get kids to go to sleep. [09:13] Viola     He told me so himself. [09:17] Sandmann     It's all over. [09:19] Alyssa     He talked! SIGN    The Insomnia Circumstances     of the Sleep Fairy [09:23] Sandmann     "The Insomnia Circumstances     of the Sleep Fairy." [09:28] Narrator     The Sandmann: a Sleep Fairy who carries     a bag of magical sand on his back. [09:34] Narrator     Legend has it that he sprinkles the sand     in people's eyes to make them sleep. [09:40] Alyssa     A-A-Are you really him? [09:43] Sandmann     I am. [09:47] Sandmann     Shall I pluck out your eyes to prove it? [09:52] Alyssa     He's gonna kill us! [09:55] Sandmann     I'm only joking. [09:57] Sandmann     As I told the dark-haired young lady, [10:00] Sandmann     that's just something people     made up to get kids to sleep. [10:03] Sandmann     As real proof, and as my apology,     I'll give you my autograph. [10:09] Alyssa     Th-Thank you? [10:15] Viola     Yay! [10:19] Alyssa     So, Mr. Sandmann,     what brings you to our house? [10:25] Sandmann     Well... [10:27] Sandmann     I've been having trouble sleeping lately. [10:29] Alyssa     Even though you're a Sleep Fairy?! [10:49] Sandmann     The insomnia made me nod off mid-flight, [10:53] Sandmann     and I crashed through your window. [10:57] Alyssa     Th-That does explain the breeze in here. [11:01] Viola     I was reading him this book     to help him sleep. [11:04] Sandmann     I apologize for the trouble. [11:07] Viola     It didn't work, though. [11:09] Viola     I see... [11:12] Alyssa     Wait. [11:14] Alyssa     Don't you have magic sand     that puts people to sleep? [11:19] Alyssa     Isn't this the time to use it? [11:24] Sandmann     I'm afraid if I use it once,     I won't be able to stop. [11:28] Alyssa     You've been putting addictive     dust in people's eyes?! [11:31] Sandmann     I abide by the usage and dosing     instructions, obviously! [11:35] Sandmann     Plus, I can put people to sleep     without it by sitting on their eyelids. [11:40] Man     Wah! My eyelids feel so heavy! [11:44] Alyssa     That's scary in a different way. [11:46] Sandmann     But you're right, young lady.     I'm ashamed of myself as a Sleep Fairy. [11:52] Alyssa     I'm sorry! I didn't mean to criticize you. [11:56] Viola     You don't have any idea what's causing it? [12:00] Sandmann     Stress, I suppose... [12:03] Alyssa     That's simple, yet heavy. [12:05] Viola     Then all we have to do is deal     with the source of your stress! [12:10] Viola     If it's something a laser beam     could take care of, I can help! [12:13] Phoenix     Yay. [12:13] Alyssa     Make that the last resort. [12:17] Sandmann     I appreciate the thought, [12:19] Sandmann     but the older we get, the more     complicated our stress becomes. [12:26] Sandmann     One day, young lady, [12:29] Sandmann     you too will encounter something     that can't be solved with force. [12:34] Alyssa     What are you teaching my child?! [12:41] Viola     Solving everything     at once might be impossible, [12:44] Viola     but maybe we could get rid     of one source at a time? [12:47] Viola     What's your biggest stress? [12:51] Sandmann     My wife leaving me the other day, I suppose. [12:55] Viola     He's right, a laser beam won't solve that. [13:00] Sandmann     Also, there's huge pressure on my bladder, [13:03] Sandmann     and the pain in all my joints bothers me. [13:05] Alyssa     Are you seeing a doctor like you should? [13:08] Sandmann     Not really. [13:09] Viola     We might be able to solve     that one with a beam! [13:13] Phoenix     Eternal Breath: Version 2! [13:21] Alyssa     I don't think we should overuse Phoen! [13:24] Viola     But isn't Phoenix perfect for this? [13:26] Viola     He once knocked me out     in less than a second. [13:31] Sandmann     That's terrifying without context. [13:34] Alyssa     It's not nice to call him up     in the middle of the night, though. [13:38] Alyssa     Even if he's like family to us, [13:41] Alyssa     we still have to be considerate     about when we summon. [13:44] Phoenix     This week I plan to detox     at an active volcano. [13:49] Viola     You're right! Personal lives are important. [13:53] Alyssa     So, if you're willing to wait     for another day, [13:56] Alyssa     we can introduce you to a phoenix [13:57] Alyssa     whose beams have life-     and sleep-bringing effects... [14:01] Sandmann     I'll pass. Too scary. [14:04] Viola     You don't like beams? [14:06] Viola     Phoenix can sing a soothing melody, too! [14:19] Viola     Apparently, you hallucinate if you listen     more than five minutes, though. [14:23] Sandmann     What is your family keeping here?! [14:30] Alyssa     I know! Would you like some hot milk? [14:34] Alyssa     It might relax you and make you sleepy. [14:39] Sandmann     Milk really is the solution?! [14:47] Sandmann     S-Sorry for getting agitated. [14:50] Sandmann     One of my colleagues pours     milk in people's eyes... [14:56] Narrator     Ole Lukøje: a Sleep Fairy     who wears rainbow clothes [14:59] Narrator     and carries two umbrellas. [15:02] Narrator     Legend has it that he pours milk     on people's eyes to make them sleep. [15:07] Sandmann     That jerk and his flashy,     pretentious clothes... [15:11] Sandmann     I hope he spills his milk,     wipes it with a rag, [15:13] Sandman     sniffs it, and faints in agony! [15:16] Alyssa     The sandman industry has      its circumstances too, huh? [15:19] Viola     Wow. If something has to go in     my eyes, I'd prefer milk to sand. [15:27] Sandmann     A candid opinion from a patron! [15:30] Alyssa     P-P-Please calm down! [15:33] Viola     How about a lullaby, then? [15:35] Viola     When I was little, Mama's     lullabies put me right to sleep. [15:39] Alyssa     Lullabyyy and goodniiight... [15:47] Sandmann     Let's try one, then. [15:56] Alyssa     What a weird sight... [16:05] Alyssa     He's staring at me! [16:07] Alyssa     M-Maybe you should close your eyes... [16:11] Sandmann     I'm sorry. You're being so kind to me, [16:15] Sandmann     which makes me feel so guilty     that I'm wide awake. [16:19] Alyssa     Oh, no, did we pressure you?! [16:23] Alyssa     At this point, maybe it's best not to     try to force yourself to sleep. [16:28] Viola     Good point. [16:30] Viola     Maybe he's thinking "I have to sleep" so hard [16:32] Viola     that it's having the opposite effect. [16:37] Sandmann     You must never think     that you don't need sleep! [16:40] Alyssa     Huh?! Uh, y-y-yes, sir! [16:42] Sandmann     Insufficient sleep causes     all sorts of health problems. [16:46] Sandmann     Depression, lifestyle-related diseases, [16:49] Sandmann     hormone imbalances,     and autonomic dysfunctions. [16:52] Sandmann     The list goes on. [16:54] Sandmann     People stay up late     thinking it's no big deal, [16:56] Sandmann     but if the sleep debt accumulates     too much, only death awaits! [17:00] Sandmann     As a Sleep Fairy, let me say one thing! [17:04] Sandmann     Everyone go to sleep! [17:08] Alyssa     That's super compelling! [17:14] Sandmann     I mustn't put you to any more trouble. [17:17] Sandmann     I'll compensate you for the window tomorrow. [17:22] Alyssa     We can't just leave you alone! [17:23] Viola     You'll crash again! [17:28] Viola     I guess being a Sleep Fairy means he really     pushes himself when it comes to sleep. [17:32] Alyssa     Putting him to sleep with magic     would only be a stopgap. [17:35] Alyssa     It doesn't address the fundamental issue... [17:39] Alyssa     There's only one place to go. [17:42] Viola     Where? [17:43] Narrator     ZZZzzz [17:47] Narrator     The next day... [17:49] Benny     All right, that completes today's exam. [17:53] Benny     Let's work together     to get you sleeping better. [17:57] Benny     You don't need to worry too much     about your other symptoms. [18:02] Benny     If you have any other health concerns,     feel free to consult us. [18:06] Sandmann     Thank you, doctor. SIGN    Step right this way, sir. [18:13] Sandmann     All right. SIGN    Take care! [18:21] Sandmann     You've done so much for me,     more than I deserve. [18:25] Sandmann     I can't thank you enough. [18:27] Alyssa     Nonsense. I'm just glad     the problem seems solvable. [18:31] Alyssa     Being a Sleep Fairy doesn't mean you need     to be embarrassed about insomnia, okay? [18:36] Alyssa     Consulting a professional     is definitely better [18:39] Alyssa     than trying to solve     these things as a layman. [18:42] Viola     Don't bottle up your worries. [18:45] Sandmann     Yes. Next time I'll swallow my silly pride     and ask a doctor for advice. [18:52] Sandmann     I plan to properly     speak with my wife as well. [18:55] Alyssa     Please try not to angst     too much about that, either. [18:59] Sandmann     Before I go, I know it's not much, [19:02] Sandmann     but here's a thank-you gift. [19:07] Alyssa     This is... [19:09] Viola     How pretty! [19:10] Sandmann     Evidently, my sand fetches     a high price among humans. [19:15] Sandmann     Please, sell it and treat     yourself to something. [19:25] Alyssa     So, I thought I'd do as he suggested. [19:30] Giriko     You're saying you have     Sandmann sleep dust? For real? [19:34] Alyssa     Hmm? Yeah, I do. [19:37] Giriko     Are you kidding me?! [19:39] Giriko     Depending on how much you have,     you could get at least a million for it! [19:44] Giriko     It's a mega-rare item that's     almost impossible to get! [19:47] Giriko     People would line up around     the block to get some! [19:50] Giriko     Actually, I'm buying it! [19:53] Giriko     Tell no one you have it!     It could attract dangerous thieves! [19:58] Giriko     Lock all your doors and     windows until I get there. [20:01] Giriko     I'm far away right now for work,     so I can't get there fast! [20:22] Alyssa     I can't sleep. [20:25] Narrator     We are told that in the several days     before Giriko arrived, [20:27] Narrator     Alyssa couldn't sleep a wink. [21:41] Alyssa     This is Alyssa. SIGN    Preview [21:42] Viola     This is Viola. [21:43] Alyssa/Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [21:46] Alyssa     Luna cooks?! [21:48] Viola     A mysterious doctor targets Phoenix! [21:50] Viola     "The Cooking Circumstances     of the Cursed Witch"! [21:53] Alyssa     "The Crazed Circumstances     of the Phoenix's Exam"! [21:55] Alyssa/Viola     "Irregular Fairy Tale Theater"! SIGN    The Cooking Circumstances      of the Cursed Witch SIGN    Irregular Fairy Tale Theater SIGN    The Crazed Circumstances      of the Phoenix's Exam [21:57] Viola     What's a fairy tale theater? [21:59] Alyssa     Wait and see! [22:26] Narrator     "I know I need to sleep.     In fact, I want to sleep, but I can't." [22:30] Narrator     "What should I do?" [22:31] Narrator     Can you answer our viewer's question? [22:35] Sandmann     Ah, I see. I expressed myself poorly before. [22:42] Sandmann     But it's important to know [22:43] Sandmann     that there's a difference between     "I don't sleep" and "I can't sleep." [22:47] Sandmann     There's no need to feel guilty     for not being able to sleep! [22:51] Sandmann     Each of us has their own circumstances. [22:55] Sandmann     But I believe any inability to sleep     is a serious warning sign. [22:59] Sandmann     It was for me. [23:03] Sandmann     Please, try to determine whether     the cause is environmental or biological, [23:08] Sandmann     and use the appropriate organizations,     facilities, and systems to resolve it. [23:14] Sandmann     At the risk of repeating myself, I assure you     there's no need for guilt or shame. [23:20] Sandmann     I'd like you to value your desire to sleep. [23:26] Sandmann     That's what I, the Sleep Fairy,     would like to advise anyone struggling. [23:31] Sandmann     I pray that you get peaceful sleep soon. [23:35] Alyssa     This somehow turned into     a consultation corner. E8 - The Cooking Circumstances of the Cursed Witch / The Crazed Circumstances of the Phoenix's Exam Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Viola     Wow, everything looks great! [00:05] Alyssa     Why'd you bring so many ingredients? [00:09] Luna     The truth is, I have a request. [00:11] Luna     Teach me how to cook. [00:14] Alyssa     I refuse. [00:17] Luna     Teach me how to cook. [00:19] Alyssa     I refuse. [00:20] Luna     Teach me how to cook. [00:21] Alyssa     Not a chance! [00:23] Viola     I've never seen Mama's aura     that intimidating. SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Cooking Circumstances of the Cursed Witch [01:59] Luna     "The Cooking Circumstances     of the Cursed Witch"! [02:03] Luna     Don't be so cold to me! [02:06] Alyssa     I'm sorry, really. But don't     ask me to do this at my house! [02:10] Viola     Wh-Why are you so against it? [02:12] Viola     Why not just cook with her? [02:15] Luna     I know, right?! [02:16] Alyssa     There's no "just" about it! [02:18] Alyssa     Our kitchen might explode! [02:21] Viola     That can happen? [02:22] Luna     If it does, I'll compensate you! [02:24] Alyssa     So it really could?! [02:26] Luna     Remember when I told you that I come     from a long line of fortune-tellers? [02:31] Luna     Some witches in the family are born     with especially strong ability. [02:36] Luna     But the accuracy of their predictions [02:40] Luna     comes with a curse     that brings them calamity. [02:44] Luna     I'm one of those witches. [02:46] Luna     The price I pay is that I'm bad at cooking. [02:50] Luna     Which is pretty tame as curses go,     so that's great for me! [02:54] Viola     But isn't it tough not being     able to eat tasty food? [02:58] Luna     My chef always cooks for me,     so I don't suffer at all. [03:03] Viola     Oh, right, I forgot you were rich. [03:06] Luna     So I usually don't cook, but sometimes     I just really want to, you know? [03:13] Alyssa     It's good to challenge yourself, [03:15] Alyssa     but put yourself in the shoes     of your innocent victims. [03:18] Viola     It's that bad? [03:22] Luna     It's easiest to show, not tell. [03:24] Luna     Here, I'll attempt to make a sandwich! [03:28] Luna     Slice the ingredients... [03:32] Luna     Put them in bread... [03:34] Luna     Ta-da. [03:36] Luna     No matter what I make, it turns     into a mysterious... something. [03:41] Alyssa     And it's a living "something" this time. [03:43] Viola     This is beyond "bad at cooking"! [03:47] Alyssa     See?! I'd consider it alone, [03:50] Alyssa     but I couldn't bear     something happening to Viola! [03:53] Luna     I'll protect you both, even if it     costs me my life! Believe in me! [03:57] Viola     This is cooking, not war. [04:00] Viola     I don't mind. I'd feel sorry for Auntie     if we sent her home. [04:05] Alyssa     Well, Viola, if you say— [04:07] Luna     Awww! I love you for sticking     with me despite your protests! [04:12] Viola     But do you throw away things you cook? [04:14] Viola     Isn't that a waste of ingredients? [04:16] Luna     Not to worry. [04:18] Luna     Giriko takes them off my hands     and calls them "ultra-rare ingredients." [04:22] Luna     I don't really get it,     but she says they're great! [04:25] Giriko     Yahoo! [04:27] Viola     So someone enjoys them... [04:29] Narrator     Ice cream (parentheses working title). SIGN    "Ice Cream" (working title) [04:33] Alyssa     Well, why don't we try a salad first? [04:37] Luna     Okay! [04:39] Alyssa     And the law of conservation of mass     went right out the window. [04:42] Luna     But it seems kind of veggie-like,     so it's close to right! [04:46] Alyssa     Very positive thinking. [04:48] Viola     Maybe it's because Mama's     such a good teacher. [04:51] Viola     I-I don't want to     bear responsibility for this! [04:54] Viola     Let's try soup next... [04:57] Luna     Today's first dish that     requires heat! I'll do my best! SIGN    Bubble SIGN    Bubble SIGN    Bubble SIGN    Ding! [05:06] Alyssa     That's not even a liquid! [05:08] Viola     Can I use it as a chair for Fennel? [05:11] Alyssa     He'd end up like a lollipop! [05:16] Alyssa     Next we'll up the difficulty level     and make hamburg steaks. [05:19] Alyssa     Maybe if we divide the work     between us, it'll go okay. [05:22] Luna/Viola     Okay! [05:24] Narrator     A few dozen minutes later... [05:27] Viola     Yay! A success! [05:31] Luna     Don't let your guard down! [05:33] Luna     This one's a fake-out "something." [05:35] Luna     Here's what it's like inside. [05:37] Viola/Alyssa     Scary! Too scary! [05:41] Alyssa     Let's stick to simple recipes!     How about flan for dessert? [05:46] Luna     I'm relatively good at sweets. [05:51] Viola     Wow! It looks generically yucky! [05:53] Alyssa     She's a generically bad cook! SIGN    °These are compliments. [05:55] Narrator     These are compliments. SIGN    Hhh!! SIGN    Hh hh [06:03] Luna     All that happens when I eat it     is that it tastes weird! [06:06] Alyssa/Viola     You did it! SIGN    °She's happy about it!! [06:07] Narrator     She's happy about it! [06:11] Alyssa     Let's keep this momentum!     I vote for cocoa next! [06:15] Luna     We've reached the "just pour and stir" stage. [06:17] Luna     But the phenomenon doesn't     happen with beverages! [06:20] Luna     You've seen me make tea. [06:23] Alyssa     Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry. [06:26] Luna     And even my cooking is     technically edible, you know. [06:30] Luna     Don't worry, you won't die! [06:32] Viola     This is edible? [06:34] Luna     It's true! Papa once accidentally ate some... SIGN    la di da da da SIGN    fa la di da [06:38] Luna     ...and all that happened was three     days of his nipples playing music. SIGN    Main SIGN    Melody SIGN    Sub SIGN    Melody [06:42] Viola     That's not reassuring! [06:45] Phoenix     I smell something odd. [06:47] Viola     Oh, hi Phoenix! [06:49] Luna     We're cooking. Want some? [06:51] Phoenix     I shall accept. [06:55] Alyssa     Wait, wait! [06:56] Alyssa     Even Phoen might have side effects from that! [07:09] Viola     Phoenix! [07:17] Phoenix     Is this... me? [07:20] Narrator     Alyssa decided not to snark. [07:24] Luna     Cooking really is fun, isn't it? [07:27] Alyssa     I'm glad you're satisfied. [07:31] Alyssa     So, why are you really here? [07:33] Luna     You could tell? [07:34] Alyssa     Well, you only cook when     something is on your mind. [07:39] Alyssa     Since you came here to do it,     I thought you might want to talk. [07:45] Luna     The thing is, I had a vision. [07:48] Luna     You-know-who is coming soon. [07:52] Alyssa     Wh-Wh-Why?! How can I avoid this?! [07:56] Luna     I scried for that, but the answer     was always "It's unavoidable." [08:00] Alyssa     Maybe you were mistaken! [08:02] Luna     You know how accurate my predictions are. [08:05] Luna     Still, keeping the secret for 16 years     was a big accomplishment, right? [08:10] Viola     Mama? Auntie? [08:13] Viola     The sandwich (parentheses     working title) is looking, um... [08:26] Luna     I guess it was an explosive one,     not a living one. [08:30] Alyssa     Viola, are you okay? [08:32] Viola     Mama! [08:33] Narrator     As promised, Luna compensated them in full. [08:45] Viola     Mama's being weird. [08:48] Viola     Something's been bothering her     since last week. [08:51] Viola     I know she talked about something     with Auntie Luna, [08:53] Viola     so that's probably the cause. [08:55] Viola     She keeps dodging my questions     and won't tell me what's wrong. [08:59] Viola     And I have another worry, too... [09:05] Viola     Phoenix is also being weird. SIGN    The Crazed Circumstances     of the Phoenix's Exam [09:09] Kicla     "The Crazed Circumstances     of the Phoenix's Exam." SIGN    Alyssa and Viola, hello. SIGN    What brings you here today? SIGN    Sheeta     Myconid Nurse [09:22] Viola     Something's off about Phoenix! SIGN    Yes, I see. SIGN    Hmm, so he mysteriously transformed after a meal. SIGN    What did he eat? [09:34] Alyssa     I wonder that myself... SIGN    An unknown substance, then. [09:39] Alyssa     He isn't bothered by it,     and he seems healthy, [09:43] Alyssa     but it's been days now, so we're worried. SIGN    Very appropriate. SIGN    There may be a problem even though he's asymptomatic now. SIGN    But mythical beasts are outside of my grandfather's expertise. [09:56] Kicla     Wow! It's a phoenix! SIGN     Kicla SIGN     Myconid Doctor & Nurse SIGN    My older sister just returned from a sabbatical abroad, SIGN    and she specializes in mythical beasts. [10:07] Alyssa     That's great. [10:10] Kicla     Thank you! I'll take good care of him. [10:14] Alyssa     Wah! He's being bird-napped! SIGN    He's a patient, not a present. SIGN    I explained that, remember? [10:23] Kicla     Sorry! I was so happy I didn't hear you. [10:25] Viola     No, I swear, we'd never sell you! [10:28] Alyssa     It's all right, I promise! [10:32] Kicla     Ah, yes, I see. [10:36] Alyssa     What do you think? [10:38] Kicla     I can't make a diagnosis at this stage. [10:42] Kicla     Let's dissect him!     Just to a reasonable extent! [10:45] Alyssa     That's unreasonable to begin with! SIGN    I apologize. SIGN    My sister is liable to do anything when her curiosity is piqued. SIGN    She's a skilled doctor despite her personality problems, SIGN    and we're too understaffed to make her leave. [11:01] Alyssa     The dark truths of health care... SIGN    You can rest easy; I'll be watching her. SIGN    And she's never had an incident with a patient! [11:10] Alyssa     Are you sure today won't be the first?! SIGN    Kicla, don't upset your patient. SIGN    You're too excited, even for you. Why? [11:21] Kicla     I'm sorry. [11:23] Kicla     But phoenixes are really,     really rare, you know! [11:28] Kicla     And their biology is shrouded in mystery... [11:31] Kicla     There have only been a few case studies,     and they're all dubious... [11:36] Kicla     And now one of them is right here,     saying I can do as I like with him! [11:41] Phoenix     Inaccurate. [11:43] Kicla     I know I shouldn't...     I know it's wrong, but... [11:47] Kicla     My ethics are getting fuzzy! [11:50] Alyssa     Help! Somebody help! SIGN    I'm sorry. Let's call my grandfather after all. [11:57] Kicla     Noooo! [11:59] Phoenix     Nay! I accept thy challenge. [12:00] Alyssa     You really don't have to! [12:02] Phoenix     Thy insatiable curiosity [12:05] Phoenix     is that brilliance called "possibility"     which mortal beings possess! [12:10] Phoenix     I find thy struggle between logic     and impulse most pleasing. [12:15] Alyssa     Perception is reality... [12:16] Viola     Are you sure? If you don't want     something, you have to say so. [12:21] Phoenix     Never fear! If I am pushed too far,     I shall burn everything to ashes. [12:25] Alyssa     The serenity of the strong. [12:27] Alyssa     Don't burn everything. [12:31] Kicla     Now, let's begin the examination right away. [12:35] Kicla     I don't have much time left. [12:38] Alyssa     Is she dying? [12:40] Kicla     Since you're a phoenix, [12:42] Kicla     may I assume you'll survive     losing an organ or two? [12:46] Alyssa     It looks like that cost you     a lot of the time you had left. [12:50] Phoenix     I'm not comfortable discussing     such delicate matters [12:53] Phoenix     with someone I've just met. [12:55] Viola     Those are private parts! [12:57] Alyssa     That's the issue?! [12:58] Kicla     No way! If that question was out,     I can't ask any of the others! [13:03] Alyssa     What were you planning to ask?! [13:06] Kicla     Oh, but would you give me     a chance once we get closer? [13:10] Kicla     We can start off as friends! [13:12] Phoenix     All things are possible. [13:14] Alyssa     No, Phoen! She only wants you for your body! [13:20] Kicla     A drastic change in appearance, eh? [13:24] Kicla     Maybe some activation of his cells     caused his body to remake itself? [13:28] Kicla     From a magical medicine standpoint, [13:30] Kicla     it's also possible that magic caused     a substitution reaction... [13:35] Kicla     Sheeta, prepare for a battery of scans. SIGN    All right. [13:39] Viola     Kicla is impressive     when she's being serious. [13:43] Alyssa     Sheeta must've been telling     the truth about her skills. [13:46] Kicla     Now, while we're waiting, [13:49] Kicla     how about I p-p-p-palpate you? [13:54] Alyssa     The line between sanity     and insanity is scarily fine here! SIGN    I'm sorry you had to see that. SIGN    Rest assured there will be no palpation. [14:03] Alyssa     R-Right... [14:04] Alyssa     Pardon my rudeness, [14:06] Alyssa     but will it be possible     for her to examine him in that state? SIGN    Yes, I'll carry out her instructions myself. SIGN    What should we do next? [14:17] Kicla     I want blood. SIGN    Bloodwork, right. [14:20] Phoenix     My lifeblood is given only to the chosen. SIGN    No one has ever refused for that reason before. [14:28] Kicla     If I can't have blood or organs,     at least give me a feather! [14:32] Phoenix     No, madam! I shall not be     demystified so easily! [14:37] Phoenix     While I appreciate thy mettle,     I made no promise to grant thee power. [14:43] Viola     But you offered blood to me     pretty casually when I was sick. [14:48] Viola     Was that okay? [14:50] Phoenix     Thou art chosen. I shall give it     to thee if thou so desirest. [14:54] Viola     Aw, I'm blushing! [14:57] Kicla     Damn. [14:58] Alyssa     This is like a love triangle! SIGN    Let's abandon blood samples and do a vision test next. SIGN    Can you see which direction this is pointing in? [15:11] Phoenix     Rightward. SIGN    That's correct, but please look with your eye before answering. SIGN    A hearing test too, please. SIGN    Signal to me when you hear a sound. [15:23] Phoenix     I hear the voices of the spirits     which dwell in the earth. SIGN    Please ignore any divine voices. [15:31] Kicla     I want his heart. SIGN    Stethoscope exam, right. SIGN    Now, inhale... SIGN    And exhale. [15:40] Alyssa     Phoen! [15:42] Viola     What happened?! Did you     switch to the ashes plan?! [15:45] Phoenix     Nay, but my throat slipped. [15:47] Phoenix     I apologize. [15:49] Alyssa     Are you all right, Kicla?! [15:51] Kicla     May I have another? I'd like     to fully grasp how the beam feels. [15:55] Alyssa     Sh-She's a life-risking weirdo, too... [16:01] Kicla     And now, the result of the exam... [16:04] Kicla     We're no closer to an answer. [16:06] Alyssa     I figured. [16:07] Viola     If he's healthy, that's all we need to know! [16:09] Viola     It's not like he made any sense before. [16:11] Alyssa     True enough. [16:14] Kicla     Being his contracted certainly     made you confident, didn't it? [16:18] Alyssa     Please don't make this a soap opera! [16:21] Kicla     Why am I not good enough for you?! [16:24] Kicla     Show me your private parts!     I'll show you mine! [16:28] Alyssa     Someone come help! [16:31] Benny     Girls! Is it true that Kicla     is examining someone? SIGN    Perfect timing, Doctor! SIGN    Muscle relaxant spores! [16:44] Benny     I apologize for my colleague's behavior. [16:47] Benny     Would you be willing to settle out of court? [16:50] Alyssa     Don't worry, we won't sue you. [16:53] Benny     She's a good girl when her     curiosity is kept satisfied. [16:57] Benny     I thought a sabbatical to study [17:00] Benny     would calm her down a bit     by broadening her knowledge, but... [17:02] Alyssa     I'm sorry that we brought her     a mystery wrapped in an enigma. [17:08] Phoenix     Regret not, O venerable man. [17:10] Phoenix     In this life, starving for growth is more     important than meaningless gluttony. [17:16] Benny     My dear phoenix! SIGN    I know I shouldn't say this after we caused you trouble, SIGN    but it's been a long time since I've seen my sister so energetic. [17:25] Alyssa     Well, a passion     for learning is a good thing. [17:29] Viola     So is she going to be like this     until she loses interest in Phoenix? [17:32] Benny     Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like     to offer you free medical care for life! [17:39] Benny     Now, allow me to examine you. [17:42] Benny     To ask a clichéd question, how was     your bowel movement after you ate it? [17:47] Phoenix     Ah. [17:55] Alyssa/Viola     He's back! [17:57] Phoenix     I hadn't had one since, actually. [18:00] Alyssa     All's well that ends well,     even if it ended in mystery. [18:04] Kicla     Wait! [18:07] Kicla     Did you flush it?! [18:09] Benny     You stay away! SIGN    Take care! [18:14] Viola     Well, I'm glad Phoenix is okay. [18:17] Alyssa     Yes, health is what's most important. [18:20] Phoenix     Indeed. [18:22] Phoenix     Those who stay healthy     need not visit the clinic. [18:25] Alyssa     Yes, the sudden frenzy as we     were leaving was rough. [18:30] Phoenix     My body feels oddly heavy, though... [18:34] Viola     You got sick as soon as we left? [18:37] Phoenix     Nay, I am fit, and yet... [18:40] Narrator     The day ended with an increase     in the "being weird" population. SIGN    Preview [19:27] Giriko     This is Giriko. [19:28] Luna     This is Luna! [19:30] Giriko/Luna     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [19:33] Giriko     Viola investigates her mother's past. [19:35] Luna     Alyssa's secrets, revealed! [19:38] Giriko     "The Personal Circumstances     of the Nervous Mama." [19:40] Luna     "The Family Circumstances     of the Questionable Visitor"! SIGN    The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama SIGN    The Family Circumstances of the Questionable Visitor [19:42] Giriko     You-know-who is coming! [19:43] Luna     Yes, he is! SIGN    Irregular Fairy Tale Theater [20:08] All     "Irregular Fairy Tale Theater." SIGN    Alyssa White [20:11] Narrator     "Alyssa White." [20:13] Narrator     Once upon a time, there     lived a very beautiful queen. [20:21] Viola     Mirror, mirror. Who is     the fairest of them all? [20:25] Mirror     The answer, my queen, is Alyssa White. [20:32] Viola     That's correct! SIGN    The End SIGN    The Golden Ax, the Silver Ax, and the Third Ack [20:34] Narrator     "The Golden Ax, the Silver Ax, [20:37] Narrator     and the Third Ack—OH! NO!!" [20:46] Giriko     Hey, lucky boy. [20:49] Giriko     Did you drop a golden ax? A silver ax? [20:53] Giriko     Or a monster calling itself an ax? [20:56] Fennel     It was a normal ax. [20:58] Giriko     Are you sure you're not mistaken?     Look closely. [21:02] Fennel     How could I mistake something like this?! [21:04] Fennel     Just give it back to me! [21:06] Giriko     Since you were honest,     I'll give you all of them! [21:10] Giriko     Bye. [21:11] Fennel     Wait! Don't leave me alone with Livie! SIGN    The End SIGN    Orc and the Beanstalk [21:17] Narrator     "Orc and the Beanstalk." [21:20] Glind     Okay, time to go sell my cow! [21:24] Luna     Yoo-hoo, little boy. [21:27] Luna     Would you trade me that cow for this bean? [21:33] Glind     Forget the horse. Would you like     a piggy to play with? [21:36] Luna     My, what a sales pitch! SIGN    The End SIGN    The Little Musclemaid [21:40] Narrator     "The Little Musclemaid." [21:42] Alyssa     Stab the prince through     the heart with this knife! [21:45] Alyssa     If you do, you can turn back into a mermaid! [21:49] Alyssa     Here! [21:55] Alyssa     Barehanded?! [21:57] Lira     I haven't sunk low enough     to sell out the man I love. [22:00] Luna     Amazing. [22:02] Luna     Her sheer force of presence makes me     understand what she's saying. [22:05] Pondo     I heard everything. [22:07] Alyssa     Prince Pound?! [22:08] Pondo     Go ahead, without further ado! [22:11] Pondo     I'd rather die foaming at the mouth     than let my beloved turn to sea foam! [22:16] Giriko     It pisses me off that he's trying     to say something clever. [22:20] Lira     You blockhead! Don't you dare     say that crap like it's nothing! [22:24] Lira     Do you understand your position here?! [22:27] Pondo     My little musclemaid! [22:28] Pondo     Darling, you are my whole world! [22:34] Alyssa     No, stop fighting! [22:37] Alyssa     Wait... [22:39] Alyssa     She can talk and her love is requited! SIGN    Alyssa Riding Hood [22:42] Narrator     "Alyssa Riding Hood." [22:45] Narrator     Once upon a time, there lived     a girl named Alyssa Riding Hood. [22:50] Narrator     One day, little Alyssa was sent on     an errand to her grandmother's house. SIGN    Big     Bad SIGN    Fennel [22:55] Fennel     Are you sure you should give me     a leading role like this?! [23:02] Narrator     Thanks to the huntswoman,     the forest's peace was preserved. SIGN    Alyssa Riding Hood Take 2 [23:08] Narrator     Alyssa Riding Hood Take 2! [23:11] Narrator     Once upon a time, there lived     a girl named Alyssa Riding Hood. [23:16] Narrator     One day, little Alyssa was sent on     an errand to her grandmother's house. [23:21] Fennel     When you think about it,     the huntsman saves the girl, SIGN    Huntsman      Fennel [23:25] Fennel     which is a far better role! [23:31] Narrator     Faced with the overwhelming     power of the beast, [23:33] Narrator     the huntsman could do nothing. SIGN    The End SIGN    Irregular Fairy Tale Theater SIGN    The End [23:37] Narrator     That's a wrap! E9 - The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] (Flashback) Luna     Cooking really is fun, isn't it? [00:04] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm glad you're satisfied. [00:07] (Flashback) Alyssa     So, why are you really here? [00:09] (Flashback) Luna     You could tell? [00:11] (Flashback) Alyssa     Well, you only cook     when something is on your mind. [00:17] (Flashback) Alyssa     Since you came here to do it,     I thought you might want to talk. [00:22] (Flashback) Luna     The thing is, I had a vision. [00:25] (Flashback) Luna     You-know-who is coming soon. [00:29] (Flashback) Alyssa     Wh-Wh-Why?! How can I avoid this?! [00:33] (Flashback) Luna     I scried for that, but the answer     was always "It's unavoidable." [00:37] (Flashback) Alyssa     Maybe you were mistaken! [00:39] (Flashback) Luna     You know how accurate my predictions are. [00:42] (Flashback) Luna     Still, keeping the secret for 16 years     was a big accomplishment, right? [01:00] Viola     Mama's still being weird. SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama [02:35] Viola     "The Personal Circumstances     of the Nervous Mama." [02:40] Viola     Mama's been worried nonstop. [02:43] Viola     But she won't talk to me about it... [02:47] Viola     It's probably pointless     for me to ask her again. [02:50] Viola     What should I do? [02:53] Phoenix     Thou canst ask a third party. [02:58] Viola     That makes sense. [03:04] Luna     Ah, and that's why     you're asking me directly? [03:07] Luna     If Alyssa doesn't want to tell     you, I'm not sure I should. [03:12] Viola     Please, Auntie? Please! [03:14] Luna     Well... [03:16] Luna     I'm working right now.     Can I call you back later? [03:20] Viola     Working? You have a client with you? [03:23] Luna     Yes. [03:24] Earl     Miss Luna! [03:26] Earl     Please guide this lost lamb—     no, this dirty piggy! [03:34] Luna     My good little earl. [03:37] Luna     I'll examine all your bad parts. [03:43] Earl     Thank you so much! [03:45] Earl     Oink! [03:46] Earl     Oooooink! [03:51] Giriko     So, they talked about someone coming. [03:55] Giriko     I'm pretty sure I know what's up. [03:57] Viola     Really?! [04:01] Giriko     But if they're coming soon,     I think it's best that you stay ignorant. [04:05] Viola     Huh?! Why? [04:06] Giriko     Because that's bound to make     things more entertaining. [04:09] Viola     Stop seeking entertainment! [04:11] Viola     Come on, just a little hint? [04:14] Giriko     Oh hey, I just remembered     that I saw a rainbow earthworm [04:17] Rainbow Earthworm     Rainbow! [04:19] Giriko     and a golden drone beetle [04:19] Golden Drone Beetle     Gold! [04:21] Giriko     having a turf war the other day! [04:23] Viola     OMG what?!?! [04:25] Phoenix     Thou hast allowed her to distract thee. [04:32] Viola     Neither of them told me. [04:37] Viola     Who else would know? Maybe Auntie Lira... [04:40] Phoenix     What of that young elf? [04:42] Viola     He's a last resort. [04:45] Viola     I hate the idea of Fennel knowing     something about Mama that I don't. [04:49] Phoenix     Thy hostility is strong. [04:51] Viola     I at least want to know     when this person is coming! [04:54] Phoenix     But Luna and Giriko did not speak     as though the visitor were evil. [04:59] Phoenix     Why not wait until that fateful day? [05:02] Viola     No can do. [05:04] Viola     I want to get ready in case     it's some homewrecker. [05:08] Phoenix     Ah, thou seekest military readiness. [05:17] Lira     Sorry, hon, I don't know. [05:19] Viola     Aw, man. [05:21] Lira     I can't even imagine someone Alyssa     would be so reluctant to see... [05:25] Viola     Yes! Exactly! [05:28] Viola     We're talking about the woman who made tea [05:30] Alyssa     Here you go. [05:31] Viola     for a doctor who followed us home     to steal Phoenix's organs! [05:35] Alyssa     Sheeta will be here to fetch you soon, okay? [05:38] Lira     How did that happen? [05:41] Lira     Alyssa took you in 16 years ago,     and I moved here two years before that, [05:47] Lira     so we've known each other for 18 years. [05:51] Lira     But baby-faced or not, she's     been alive over 200 years, right? SIGN    Easygoing [05:55] Lira     There are bound to be sides of her     that we don't know. [06:00] Viola     I know you're right, but I hate it! [06:03] Lira     No using poisonous herbs,     no matter what happens, okay? [06:03] Viola     I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! [06:07] Lira     I didn't think you'd really     use those last time. [06:11] Viola     It's okay, I summoned a toxic koala. [06:15] Lira     What part of that is okay? [06:21] Viola     Anyway, putting all the info together: [06:25] Viola     It's someone Mama wants to avoid,     but not badly enough to run away. [06:29] Lira     Mm-hmm. [06:29] Viola     Based on my aunties' reactions,     the person probably won't cause harm. [06:33] Lira     Mm-hmm. [06:34] Viola     And it's someone she's     reluctant to tell me about. [06:36] Lira     An ex-boyfriend? [06:37] Viola     No! [06:38] Lira     True. It could be an ex-girlfriend. [06:41] Viola     That's not what I meant!     Sh-She told me she's never had a lover! [06:46] Lira     Well, then... [06:47] Lira     Maybe someone she never dated,     but did have feelings for? [06:48] Alyssa     My heart belongs to you! [06:51] Viola     No! That might be an even deeper bond! [07:01] Viola     Sheesh, you're just teasing me now. [07:05] Lira     Sorry, kid. You really     do love Alyssa, don't you? [07:16] Lira     Welcome. What might you be looking for? [07:20] Auri     Well, let me tell you. [07:25] Auri     Alyssa the witch. [07:33] Auri     Know her? [07:36] Viola     Wha... Wha-Wha-Wha... [07:37] Viola     Who is this guy?! [07:43] Lira     No smoking in my store. [07:45] Auri     Sorry, ma'am. [07:50] Auri     Sorry about that.     I didn't intend to eavesdrop, [07:55] Auri     but I heard you two talking as I walked by. [07:59] Lira     You're looking for her? [08:00] Auri     I am, but all I know is     that she lives in this area. [08:04] Auri     By the way, miss, what are you trying to do? [08:07] Auri     What's with the koala? [08:09] Viola     I wanted to release it into the woods. [08:11] Auri     Don't destroy the ecosystem. [08:15] Auri     That's dangerous! Move it back! [08:18] Auri     Why would you... [08:20] Auri     You... [08:25] Auri     Have we met somewhere before? [08:31] Lira     No pickup artistry in my store, either! [08:35] Viola     Auntie! [08:36] Auri     That hurts! And it was a serious question! [08:37] Viola     He's flashy and shallow... [08:39] Lira     All pickup artists say that! [08:41] Viola     He's got to be a homewrecker! [08:44] Auri     Ouch... [08:45] Viola     His whole existence is home-wrecking! [08:49] Viola     But there's no way he's Mama's type,     so his crush is one-sided. [08:53] Auri     Kiss me. SIGN    Kiss me [08:54] Alyssa     No! SIGN    No!! [08:56] Viola     He came all the way here [08:57] Viola     because he couldn't forget Mama,     since she's the cutest in the world. [09:01] Viola     Which means I'll strike first and win! [09:04] Viola     I know Alyssa very well. [09:06] Auri     What? [09:07] Viola     I'm her daughter, Viola. [09:12] Viola     What do you want with my mother? [09:17] Viola     That's right, Mama has me.     I won't let you worm your way in! [09:22] Viola     I'll make you see that! [09:24] Auri     D-Daughter... [09:26] Viola     I did damage! [09:27] Auri     Um, is your father... [09:29] Viola     Not in the picture.     It's always been just the two of us. [09:32] Auri     N-Not in the... It's just the two of you?! [09:37] Viola     I've never met my father, but     that hasn't impacted our lifestyle. [09:43] Viola     Getting a father now would     just be inconvenient... [09:48] Viola     Oh! I don't have a father,     but sometimes I do call Papa. [09:52] Papa     I'll be back. [09:55] Lira     H-He's dead! [09:58] Viola     Total victory. [09:59] Lira     Total victory, my butt!     How do we clean this up? [10:02] Viola     Toxic koala! [10:05] Lira     I didn't mean "finish him off"! [10:08] Viola     It's okay. [10:09] Viola     The poison we just used was only     a "give him loose stools" one. [10:13] Lira     Boring and gross! [10:15] Lira     Be a little less poison-happy, please! [10:19] Lira     Sheesh... You went too far. [10:22] Lira     Now we can't even ask him who he is. [10:27] Alyssa     Oh, there you are. [10:29] Viola     Mama! [10:30] Alyssa     Phoen told me what you're doing.     Are you causing Lira trouble? [10:35] Lira     Perfect timing, Alyssa. [10:46] Auri     Alyssa! [10:49] Alyssa     What are you doing here, Dad?! [10:51] Auri     I came to visit my daughter! [10:54] Viola     Huh? [10:55] Lira     Huh? [10:55] Phoenix     Huh? [10:56] Papa     What? [10:57] All but Alyssa & Auri     Huh?! [11:10] Alyssa     Allow me to introduce you. [11:13] Alyssa     This is my father, Auri. SIGN    Auri SIGN    Witch / Status: Poisoned [11:16] Auri     I'm her father. [11:19] Auri     And are you "Papa"?! [11:22] Lira     Calm down! SIGN    The Family Circumstances     of the Questionable Visitor [11:25] Auri     "The Family Circumstances     of the Questionable Visitor." [11:36] Auri     Okay, I understand the circumstances. [11:39] Auri     Your father isn't in the picture     because you were abandoned, [11:42] Auri     and Alyssa is not married. [11:46] Auri     Thank good— [11:49] Alyssa     He threw up. SIGN    Ex-spelling SIGN    °It is not puking. [11:50] Narrator     Ex-spelling. It's not puking! [11:53] Auri     She doesn't have a father,     but she said she has a papa! [11:57] Auri     I was scared! [11:59] Viola     I-I'm sorry. [12:01] Lira     You're quite young for a dad.     How old are you? [12:05] Auri     Hmm, I'm pretty sure I'm 350. [12:09] Viola     That old?! [12:10] Auri     Uh-huh... Huh? [12:12] Auri     I'm pretty sure I haven't     hit 400... probably... [12:17] Auri     A lot of things stop mattering     when you hit 300. [12:20] Lira     That's also true of humans, though     it's a different number for us. [12:24] Auri     So, granddaughter, how old are you? [12:26] Viola     Me? [12:27] Viola     I'm sixteen. [12:28] Auri     S-S-Sixteen?! Then you were     an embryo not too long ago! [12:32] Lira     Yep, they're family. [12:33] Auri     Why would you keep something     so important from me?! [12:36] Alyssa     You would've been against me taking her in! [12:38] Auri     You bet I would! Your 200s     is too young to raise a child! [12:42] Auri     You're still young enough     to want your dad to spoil you! [12:45] Alyssa     Not really. [12:46] Auri     No way! [12:47] Alyssa     You overreact to everything!     That's why I didn't want to tell you! [12:52] Lira     Everyone settle down. [12:54] Lira     Honestly, though, isn't 16 years     too long to stay silent? [12:59] Alyssa/Auri     Huh? [13:02] Alyssa     Huh? [13:04] Auri     Is that a long time? [13:06] Alyssa     I guess it's a while to not talk to family? [13:11] Phoenix     'Tis but a moment. [13:12] Lira     Here we go again with     the long-lived's loose grasp of time. [13:18] Alyssa     I was planning to introduce you eventually. [13:21] Alyssa     I just thought maybe I'd wait     until she was older. SIGN    Why? [13:27] Alyssa     You're a bad influence. [13:29] Auri     My existence is inappropriate for kids?     Why would you say that?! [13:32] Auri     You're hurting your dad's feelings! [13:35] Alyssa     Then let me ask you this:     Why haven't you contacted me? [13:42] Auri     There was a warrant out for my arrest. [13:44] Alyssa     I rest my case. [13:46] Lira     You may be Alyssa's family,     but criminals don't get a pass! [13:48] Phoenix     Eternal! [13:49] Auri     No, no, my case was dismissed! [13:52] Auri     I had a tryst with a nobleman's wife, and     he framed me out of unjust resentment! [13:56] Alyssa     Doesn't sound unjust. [13:59] Auri     I did beat up someone following me,     but that was self-defense! [14:03] Auri     The way they withdrew the warrant     after the storm blew over proves it! [14:07] Auri     I'm innocent as a lamb! [14:09] Alyssa     Just stop talking. [14:11] Auri     I'm not perfect, [14:12] Auri     but I've never raised a hand against     a woman, child, or small animal! [14:15] Auri     Please believe me! [14:16] Alyssa     You think anything not     on that list is fine, don't you? [14:20] Alyssa     He's always been like this! [14:23] Alyssa     When I was a kid... [14:28] (Flashback) Auri     What? Other kids are bullying you? [14:31] (Flashback) Auri     Got it. Dad'll kill them all for you! [14:34] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     No, don't! [14:36] (Flashback) Auri     You want to do it yourself? [14:38] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Huh? [14:39] (Flashback) Auri     That's my little girl! [14:41] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Huh?! [14:41] (Flashback) Auri     Take this. [14:44] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     It's heavy! [14:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     That's not it, Dad. [14:50] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     I don't wanna beat up the meanies. [14:54] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     I wanna get along with everyone. [15:04] Young Alyssa     He reacted like a monster     who'd never heard of kindness. [15:07] Phoenix     Art thou sure he wasn't literally a monster? [15:10] Alyssa     And when Luna and Giriko visited... [15:11] (Flashback) Young Giriko     Alyssa! [15:12] (Flashback) Young Luna     We're here! [15:13] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Welcome! [15:15] (Flashback) Auri     Hiya, girls. [15:18] (Flashback) Young Giriko     Uh-oh, the loser. [15:19] (Flashback) Young Luna     Does the day drinking mean you won? [15:22] (Flashback) Auri     Yep, 30,000 at the casino! Yay! [15:25] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Don't be so proud! [15:27] (Flashback) Young Giriko     You seem like someone who'll lose big     and sell his organs someday. [15:30] (Flashback) Young Luna     Is that what happened to your eye? [15:33] (Flashback) Auri     This? [15:35] (Flashback) Auri     It wasn't a gambling thing;     my youth was just a wild ride. [15:39] (Flashback) Auri     I plucked it out myself! [15:45] (Flashback) Auri     Lessee, I think I dug     my finger in there and— [15:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Dad! [15:49] Lira     His existence is inappropriate for kids. [15:51] Alyssa     Remembering this stuff     put me off. Just go home! [15:54] Auri     Aw, let me granddaddy! [15:57] Phoenix     Thou art weak to grandchildren. [15:59] Viola     What's the problem?     I think he's wild and cool! [16:02] Alyssa     Stop! If you say that— [16:05] Auri     Shall I buy you a castle? [16:08] Alyssa     See? He's already spoiling you! [16:10] Viola     One with lots of cannons in the walls? [16:13] Phoenix     Oho, they are well-matched! [16:17] Lira     It's not really my place     to say this, but I'm impressed [16:19] Lira     that you're accepting     the surprise grandkid so easily. [16:23] Auri     Well, my family's kinda complicated too, [16:26] Auri     so this falls within acceptable limits. [16:29] Lira     Complicated? [16:31] Alyssa     Mom and Dad are siblings! [16:33] Lira     Let's not talk about this! [16:35] Alyssa     Oh, not like that! I meant like this! [16:39] Narrator     Insert illustration of a brother     who co-parents his older sister's child. SIGN    Birth SIGN    Sister SIGN    Brother SIGN    Co-parenting [16:43] Lira     Y-You gave me a scare. [16:46] Alyssa     There are some other complexities, too, [16:49] Alyssa     but it's thanks to my parents     that I realize family is family, [16:53] Alyssa     even if it's not a "normal" one. [16:57] Lira     How wonderful. [16:59] Auri     Sorry, but I haven't accepted     the ones behind you as family. [17:03] Papa     Family! [17:04] Auri     Don't immediately bring more in! [17:06] Auri     Well, anyway, I'm just glad     you're doing all right. [17:11] Auri     I guess I'll be on my way home. [17:14] Viola     What? You're leaving already? [17:17] Alyssa     You're not throwing a tantrum about     staying with me? What's wrong?! [17:18] Auri     Lemme stay with you! [17:20] Auri     Do you want to see     a 350-year-old throw a tantrum? [17:24] Auri     True, I hate to leave, but I can't     cause you that much trouble. [17:30] Auri     I'll come visit again soon. [17:35] Auri     See you. [17:38] Alyssa     It's not! [17:41] Alyssa     It's not... too much trouble     if you stay overnight... [17:46] Alyssa     Why not spend some time here? [17:49] Auri     Alyssa... [17:51] Alyssa     I-I do feel sorta guilty     that I never brought up Viola! [17:55] Alyssa     Plus, it looks like you won't     do anything weird to her, so... [18:05] Lira     Actually, he hit on Viola earlier. [18:10] Alyssa     Never come back! [18:12] Auri     This is a misunderstanding! [18:17] Viola     Gee, I wish I could've talked     to Grandpa more. [18:22] Viola     He'll visit again soon anyway. [18:24] Viola     I guess you really weren't born     from a flower, huh? SIGN    Flower!! [18:28] Alyssa     You still believed that?! [18:31] Alyssa     Oh, but your grandma visited you once. [18:35] Viola     When? I don't remember that. [18:38] Viola     She only came once,     when you were still a baby. [18:41] Viola     I forgot I hadn't mentioned it. [18:43] Alyssa     She's a real free spirit,     so she drops off the map a lot. [18:48] Alyssa     I haven't seen her     since I introduced her to you. [18:51] Alyssa     I wonder what she's doing now. [18:58] Auri     Damn it, our first reunion in a while,     and all I got was beaten up. [19:05] Auri     And I have indigestion for some reason... [19:10] Auri     I'd be lying if I said [19:12] Auri     I didn't have designs on her     before I knew she was my grandkid... [19:20] Auri     But I really do feel     like I've met her before. SIGN    Preview [20:44] Viola     This is Viola! [20:45] Alyssa     This is Alyssa! [20:46] Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [20:49] Alyssa     Where are you going? [20:50] Viola     To Auntie Lira's.     I'm going shopping with her son. [20:54] Alyssa     "The Troubled Circumstances     of the Confined Son." [20:56] Viola     "The Public Park Circumstances     of Heart vs. Tongue"! SIGN    The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son SIGN    The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue [20:59] Alyssa     Have fun and be careful! [21:00] Viola     See you later! [21:51] Alyssa     What's that? [22:02] Alyssa     "Sit at the desk and get ready. –Viola" [22:07] Alyssa     A paper and pen? [22:09] Alyssa     Is this what I'm supposed to do? [22:13] Alyssa     Phoen? [22:15] Phoenix     A song for children to draw     my likeness on a white plane [22:20] Phoenix     to an airy little tune. [22:27] Alyssa     What's going on? [22:29] Viola     And now, please listen     to the Phoenix Drawing Song! SIGN    The Phoenix Drawing Song [22:43] Viola     ♪ Two holes suddenly opened ♪ [22:46] Phoenix     Watch thy step. [22:47] Viola     ♪ A diamond fell down, too ♪ [22:50] Phoenix     'Tis crystalline carbon. [22:51] Viola     ♪ Careful, it's dangerous ♪ [22:53] Viola     ♪ You mustn't go in here ♪ [22:56] Phoenix     I forbid entry to all. [22:59] Viola     ♪ Then three legs grow ♪ [23:02] Phoenix     The recklessness of youth! [23:03] Viola     ♪ "Oh, no!" ♪ [23:05] Viola     ♪ He tripped and rolled over ♪ [23:07] Viola     ♪ And we rolled with that ♪ [23:09] Phoenix     We told thee to be careful. [23:10] Viola     ♪ Phoenix has been summoned! ♪ [23:16] Phoenix     Seekest thou power? [23:24] Viola     Well? Could you draw along, Mama? [23:28] Viola     Mama? [23:29] Alyssa     Amazing! I drew Phoen perfectly!     And your singing was wonderful! [23:37] Viola/Phoenix     Brilliant work. E10 - The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son / The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:17] Pound     Good morning! [00:21] Pound     My son! [00:27] Pound     It's breakfast time. [00:33] Son     Don't want any. [00:35] Pound     My son? [00:50] Son     Cut that out! [00:58] Son     Why'd you whip out your Stradivarius?! [01:00] Son     It's too early for pomp and circumstance! [01:03] Pound     I thought some lovely music     might lure you out of there. [01:07] Son     You think I'd just fall into     some ancient folktale trap?! [01:10] Son     Just leave me alone! [01:12] Pound     Huh? [01:14] Son     I refuse to leave my room today! SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Troubled Circumstances     of the Confined Son [02:48] Son     "The Troubled Circumstances     of the Confined Son." [02:53] Viola     I see. [02:55] Pound     What if he never comes out again? [02:58] Pound     Is his heart troubled?! [03:00] Viola     You're overreacting, Uncle. [03:02] Viola     I'm sure he's just being      his usual bratty self. [03:05] Viola     Hey, we have a shopping date!     I even came to pick you up! [03:10] Son     I feel bad about that, but I really     don't want to leave today! [03:15] Viola     Why not? [03:16] Viola     Did your whole body turn into butts? SIGN    Grotesque!!     The Butt Man [03:18] Narrator     The Grotesque Butt Man! [03:21] Son     If it had, I'd be saying "the     rest of my life," not "today"! [03:24] Son     Where'd you even come up with that?! [03:26] Viola     I made friends with some     fairies like that a while back. [03:29] Narrator     Sweet Cheeks and Hip. [03:31] Son     Who are you associating with?! [03:34] Pound     This is our chance, Viola! [03:36] Pound     Lure him out of there by making him curious! [03:39] Viola     Right! You're so smart, Uncle! [03:44] Viola     Are you curious about     who I'm associating with? [03:47] Son     Huh? U-Uh, not really. [03:50] Viola     Fun fact: I recently discovered     that Mama's parents are siblings. [03:55] Son     Let's not talk about this! [03:56] Viola     Come on, I know you're curious     about the rest of the story! [03:59] Viola     If you wanna hear more, come out! [04:01] Son     No, don't tell me! I'm scared! [04:01] Viola     I know you wanna! [04:03] Pound     This backfired... [04:06] Son     Please stop! [04:08] Pound     Aw, I even made French toast piled     with cream for breakfast! [04:15] Son     Th-That does sound good... [04:18] Viola     Aw, I even brought an album of Mama! [04:22] Son     That, I don't really understand. [04:25] Viola     You don't want to see it?! [04:27] Son     Just talk to me, please. [04:29] Viola     Sheesh. You're so prickly. [04:33] Viola     Back in the day... [04:38] (Flashback) Young Viola     Hurry! [04:41] (Flashback) Young Son     Oof... [04:41] Viola     ...you always followed me around,     and it was so cute. [04:45] Son     Shut up! Stop talking about the past! [04:52] (Flashback) Young Viola     Are you okay? [04:57] Viola     Now you're in a rebellious phase     and getting your buns split into six... SIGN    Pull-Apart Bread [05:01] Son     Shut up about butts, too! [05:03] Pound     Hey! All this "shut up" is     no way to talk to your friend! [05:08] Viola     It's fine. I don't sweat that stuff—     I've known him forever. [05:12] Viola     We suckled the same boobies! [05:14] Son     Phrasing! [05:19] Pound     I'm sorry for your trouble. [05:22] Pound     He just doesn't listen to a word I say. [05:25] Viola     Well, you have a hard time getting angry. [05:29] Pound     I'll take responsibility for spoiling him. [05:32] Pound     I can't give you my head,     but take my nipples with you! [05:35] Son     Why? [05:36] Viola     I mean, there are monsters who     specialize in twisting off nipples, but... [05:40] Son     There are?! [05:45] Twisting Monster     Revolution! [05:50] Son     Are we in hell? [05:52] Viola     I feel bad for Uncle, so I won't     take his head or his nipples. [05:56] Viola     I'm gonna solve this quick with magic,     like the witch I am! [06:00] Pound     Oh, that sounds promising! [06:02] Viola     Go, unlocking magic! [06:10] Viola     He's holding it closed on the other side. [06:13] Pound     Now magic is irrelevant... [06:15] Viola     Ugh, I'm over this! [06:18] Viola     He'll have to come out if I light it on fire. [06:21] Pound     There are other options! [06:22] Viola     But if Auntie Lira finds out, she'll     settle things ASAP and not nicely, [06:27] Viola     so it's only a matter of time. [06:29] Pound     Is violence the only answer?! [06:30] Pound     I'm asking you to fix it because     I feel bad when he's hurt! [06:35] Viola     Easier said than done... [06:38] Son     I'll never bow to that old hag! [06:41] Viola     See? He just jinxed himself. [06:46] Viola     Where is Auntie Lira, anyway? [06:48] Pound     She went to the market.     She could be back any minute. [06:52] Viola     We don't have much time, then. [06:55] Viola     At least tell us why! What happened? [07:00] Son     Don't wanna say. [07:01] Viola     Do you prefer the "vio" or the "lence"? [07:04] Pound     Calm down, Viola! [07:06] Pound     It's not good to force people. [07:09] Pound     Remember the story     "The North Wind and the Sun"? [07:12] Viola     The one with the contest to make     the traveler take off his coat? [07:15] Pound     Exactly! [07:16] Pound     The north wind tried to take it     off by force, and failed. [07:21] Pound     But the sun shone down on him, slowly     but surely coaxing him to take it off. [07:29] Viola     I get it! We'll smoke him out! [07:31] Pound     You understood the lesson? [07:34] Sun     Shine! [07:39] Son     Too hot! [07:42] Son     It's too hot! [07:43] Son     Hot! Hot! Hot! [07:45] Pound     You're using force! [07:50] Pound     Peacefully, Viola, please! [07:55] Viola     Okay. Phoenix! [07:57] Phoenix     I obey. [08:00] Phoenix     Canst thou hear me, human child? [08:03] Son     N-Now what? [08:04] Phoenix     Last-minute cancellations     without a stated reason are not nice. [08:09] Phoenix     As the saying goeth, "The courtesies     matter, even between friends." [08:12] Phoenix     Dost thou not think we ought to     value manners more between friends? [08:16] Son     Yes, sir. [08:17] Phoenix     Canst thou be proud of this moment     and the choice thou hast made? [08:22] Son     No, sir. [08:27] Son     I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry     to even tell you why now, [08:31] Son     because it's a really stupid reason. [08:34] Son     I couldn't tell you because     I was afraid I'd get laughed at. [08:37] Viola     Of course I won't laugh! [08:40] Viola     Whatever's worrying you,     it's serious enough for you to hole up. [08:42] Viola     If anyone laughs at you, I'll beat them up. [08:47] Viola     We're childhood friends, right?     Tell me anything! [08:50] Son     That's true. I was wrong! [08:53] Viola     Well? What happened? [08:57] Son     Right. The thing is... [09:01] Son     I can't get my bedhead under control. [09:05] Lira     I'm home! [09:15] Lira     Get out of there, you little punk! [09:21] Son     Fine, no one laughed at me! [09:24] Pound     But you got beaten up by Lira. I know. [09:27] Pound     Why worry about such little things, though? [09:31] Pound     You would've gotten to go out with Viola. [09:35] Son     That's why, duh. [09:37] Son     No! Don't get the wrong idea!     It's an aesthetic issue for me! [09:43] Son     Listen to me! And stop making that face! [09:47] Son     I'm telling you, you're wrong! [09:54] Alyssa     Viola? [09:55] Alyssa     Huh? [09:57] Alyssa     Maybe she's in her room? [10:02] Alyssa     Viola? [10:05] Alyssa     Huh? [10:06] Alyssa     I don't see you mixing potions     very often. What are you making? [10:10] Viola     A potion to fix bedhead. [10:15] Viola     So cute! [10:17] Alyssa     I'm so glad he was born safely. [10:21] Guita     Thank you, everyone. [10:23] Narrator     Guita's egg safely hatched. [10:27] Lira     All right, let's go there     to boost our moods! [10:30] Viola     Can I pet him? [10:31] Alyssa     "Go"? Where? [10:32] Guita     Of course. [10:33] Lira     The park, where else? It's his debut. SIGN    The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue [10:40] Lady     "The Public Park Circumstances     of Heart vs. Tongue." [10:47] Mom 1     And he comes home late every night! [10:50] Cucky Roux     Hurry! [10:52] Tsuzuku     Hurrying! [10:54] Lira     This is a get-together spot for mothers, too, [10:58] Lira     so meeting people here will     build your support network. [11:01] Guita     That makes sense. [11:04] Lady     My goodness! [11:05] Lady     Oh, my goodness me! [11:09] Lady     My goodness, I thought     I sensed a plebe nearby... [11:15] Lady     And here you are, Lira! [11:18] Lira     Lady. [11:19] Guita     Who's she? [11:20] Alyssa     I don't know... [11:22] Lira     A wicked woman who picks fights     with me every chance she gets. [11:27] Lira     She moved away years ago     because of her husband's job, [11:30] Lira     but she recently came back. [11:32] Lady     You're so excessively large, we all     notice you whether we want to or not. [11:36] Lira     I have to say, I didn't want to notice you. [11:41] Lady     Are those people behind you your friends?     Why don't you introduce them? [11:46] Lira     No, thank you! What business     do you have with me, exactly? [11:51] Lady     Oh, dear. I'm not allowed to speak     with you unless I have business? [11:57] Lady     I messed up again! SIGN    Lady SIGN    Personality: Tsundere SIGN    Age [12:00] Lady     I'm such an idiot! Why can't I ever     tell Lira my true feelings? [12:05] Lady     The truth... The truth is... [12:07] Lady     "Your commanding presence     and powerful frame are wonderful!" [12:10] Lira     Sparkle! [12:12] Lady     That's what I wanted to say! [12:16] Lady     It's been like this since we were children. [12:19] (Flashback) Young Lady     My goodness, Lira! [12:21] (Flashback) Young Lira     What? [12:26] (Flashback) Young Lady     Your clothes suit a peasant girl perfectly! [12:29] (Flashback) Young Lira     Say what?! SIGN    Translation: They look good on you. [12:32] Lady     Why?! Now that I've moved back     to my hometown, [12:34] Lady     I want to make friends this time! [12:39] Lady     However, rumor has it [12:42] Lady     that those three behind her     are close friends with Lira. [12:47] Lady     Especially that tiny witch. [12:50] Lady     I won't cede the "best friend" title to her! [12:52] Lady     Eek! [12:54] Lady     Wh-Wh-What's the matter? [12:56] Viola     I thought I sensed animosity toward Mama. [12:58] Lady     P-Perhaps you imagined it? [13:01] Lady     I don't have time for this. Let's go, people! [13:04] Lady     Ah, wait—don't—wait— [13:06] Lira     What?! If you've got     something to say, spit it out. [13:10] Lady     I—um—er— [13:11] Lady     Spit. It. Out! [13:14] Lady     Y-You there! [13:17] Lady     Is today your public park debut? [13:20] Guita     M-Me? Um, yes... [13:24] Lady     Let's have a park debut battle! [13:27] Lady     What am I saying?! [13:30] Lady     As luck would have it, [13:34] Lady     my friend Birdy has a debut today, too! [13:37] Birdy     Huh? [13:38] Lady     Shall we say the side that socializes     with the most people wins? [13:43] Lady     Now she looks put on the spot.     I'm sorry, Birdy! [13:47] Lira     Seriously? Of course we won't     do your dumb competition. [13:51] Lady     Thank goodness she doesn't want to! [13:52] Lady     Now I'll change the subject... [13:55] Lady     Ah, I see you have enough sense     not to fight battles you can't win! [14:00] Lady     I wish I'd stuffed rocks in my mouth! [14:04] Lira     Oh, it's on! And the losers are     banned from this park for life! [14:11] Lady     I'm in hell whether I win or lose! [14:15] Lady     All right, we'll reconvene here in an hour. [14:18] Lira     You bet we will! Get ready to go home! [14:25] Lira     I'm sorry. I lost my temper. [14:28] Guita     It's fine! Socializing was our goal anyway. [14:32] Guita     Right? [14:33] Lira     If I have to, I'll take her to hell with me. [14:37] Alyssa     Those aren't words you     should say in everyday life! [14:41] Guita     But it'll be an easy win.     Everyone knows Lira. [14:44] Mom with Kid A     Look, it's Lira! [14:45] Mom with Kid B     Hello. [14:46] Viola     Good point! If Auntie starts     the conversations, victory is ours. [14:49] Lira     Yep, relax and trust me. [14:52] Lady     Absolutely not! [14:53] Lady     It's against the rules for Lira     to flirt with any women! [14:58] Lira     You're too close, you're     annoying, and what rules?! [15:01] Lady     No creating partners, either! [15:04] Papa     I gotcha. [15:09] Guita     What now? I'm not a very social person... [15:13] Viola     It's okay. Lady forbid our     surefire move, but we'll still help. [15:17] Viola     Why not start by talking     to another mom who lays eggs? SIGN    Lizardkin SIGN    Harpy [15:22] Guita     Great idea! [15:23] Guita     A topic in common should make it     easier to start a conversation. [15:26] Viola     There's someone right there! [15:28] Guita     Huh? SIGN    Arachne [15:32] Guita     Not quite what I imagined. [15:34] Arachne     I feel you. Egg-raising has     that side to it, huh? [15:39] Guita     So it happens to you, too! [15:41] Narrator     Surprisingly, they hit it off. [15:47] Lira     The competition is over how     many people you interact with, [15:50] Lira     so why not approach groups? [15:52] Guita     Good plan! [15:54] Viola     Hey, how about them? [15:57] Viola     Excuse me! [16:01] Viola     Do you have a minute? [16:03] Guita     We don't! [16:07] One-Eyed Demon Papa     Hello, are you a new mother? [16:10] Assassin Papa     Cute kid. [16:12] Skinhead Papa     Hello there. [16:14] Guita     Oh, they're a group of dads. [16:16] Guita     Hello! [16:18] Papa Group Kids     Hello! [16:20] Guita     Phew! I get nervous     around strangers, you know? [16:25] Guita     Could you invite some     of your friends, Alyssa? [16:27] Alyssa     It's easier to talk to     friends of friends, isn't it? [16:32] Alyssa     Hmm... [16:34] Alyssa     They all have work, though.     They might not be able to come right away. [16:38] Guita     Yeah... [16:40] Alyssa     Someone who could come the moment I called... [16:44] Alyssa     Nope! Don't know any! [16:46] Guita     Oh, well. [16:48] Viola     On that topic, how about     I do some summoning? [16:51] Viola     We'll attract parents and kids     to us with cute monsters! [16:53] Alyssa     Phoen had plans today, though. [16:57] (Flashback) Phoenix     I'm going to go enjoy some croquet. [17:00] Alyssa     And Screechy's poison is dangerous... [17:04] Viola     Hmm, so the ones I can summon now are... [17:07] Jinn Eels     Yes we can, yeah! [17:11] Guita     Huh? Is that okay? [17:12] Kid A     Yay! [17:17] Viola     Live Food Lover is only dangerous to elves! [17:21] Alyssa     They're crowd favorites... [17:23] Alyssa     Wait, where's Guita? [17:26] Lira     Good lizard. [17:29] Alyssa     You're holding him, huh Lira? [17:32] Lira     Yeah, Guita seemed busy chatting,     so I'm babysitting. [17:39] Lira     Good lizard. [17:41] Guita     Wow, I see! [17:43] Mom A     Yes, it's quite tough at that age. [17:46] Mom B     But the trouble you take     makes you love them more! [17:48] Guita     That makes sense. [17:50] Lira     Now, now. Wait just a little longer, okay? [17:54] Viola     Don't cry. [17:56] Lira     Your mama will be back soon. [17:56] Viola     Peek-a-boo! [17:59] Viola     Peek-a-boo! It's me, Viola! [18:03] Lady     That's underhanded! [18:06] Makia     Yes, using magic is cheating! [18:08] Birdy     I agree! [18:09] Lady     How dare they have fun babysitting with Lira! [18:12] Birdy/Makia     That's the issue? [18:14] Lady     We can't dawdle here. We're going     to talk to more people, too! [18:18] Birdy/Makia     Right! [18:20] Lady     Look alive! [18:22] Birdy/Makia     Right! [18:24] Birdy's Daughter     Mama, I wanna see the egg baby. [18:26] Birdy     What? [18:27] ---     Okay, okay, your mama... [18:29] Birdy's Daughter     Eggie! [18:31] Birdy     We can't, honey. That's Lady's enemy. [18:35] Lady     Birdy! We have to go all-out     for the rest of our time! [18:39] Birdy     R-Right! [18:41] Birdy's Daughter     Eggie... [18:42] Viola     I don't see why they couldn't even look. [18:46] Alyssa     I should have spoken up from the beginning. [18:51] Narrator     Announcing the results! [18:55] Lira     I'm relieved that there'll be fewer     places I have to see your face. [19:00] Lady     My goodness! It sounds like you're     ready to leave. I applaud you. [19:04] Alyssa     It's a tie. [19:07] Lady/Lira     Huh? [19:09] Alyssa     It's a tie! [19:10] Lady/Lira     What?! [19:11] Lady     And who said you could decide? [19:14] Lira     Leave this to us. I gotta take     this woman down a notch! [19:17] Alyssa     I acknowledge that     the mothers were quite social. [19:22] Alyssa     But... [19:24] Alyssa     What about your children? [19:27] Birdy     She's right. [19:30] Birdy     I was so focused on me,     she didn't get to play much... [19:33] Guita     I was the same. [19:34] Birdy's Daughter     Eggie. [19:35] Lady     B-But the contest— [19:37] Alyssa     You never specified which     generation should socialize. [19:41] (Flashback) Lady     Shall we say the side that socializes     with the most people wins? [19:46] Alyssa     It's important for guardians     to get along, of course. [19:49] Alyssa     But isn't the most important thing     whether the kids had fun? [19:55] Alyssa     So I say that both sides     scored zero, and it's a tie. [19:59] Alyssa     I'm sorry, I should have     told you in the beginning, [20:02] Alyssa     but I thought it'd be better     to give you time. [20:05] Lira     I'm sorry I dragged you into my stupid fight. [20:09] Guita     No, I'm sorry! [20:10] Lady     Truly, I can't apologize enough. [20:13] Birdy     Please don't apologize! [20:16] Alyssa     Okay, soul-searching over! [20:19] Alyssa     Time to shake hands and make up. [20:25] Alyssa     Glance. [20:27] Alyssa     Glance, glance! [20:31] Lady     What?! [20:33] Lady     Did she notice my feelings and do this     to settle our fight amicably? [20:38] Lady     That's crazy! Ridiculous! I love her! [20:42] Lady     Wh-Wh-What now?! [20:45] Viola     I thought I sensed you making eyes at Mama. [20:47] Lady     So either way I die? [20:51] Lira     Fine. Let's call a temporary truce. [20:54] Lira     Huh? Wait a second... [20:57] Lady     Shake hands?! [20:59] Lira     Come on. [20:59] Lady     Touch each other?! [21:01] Lady     Wait... Wait, wait, wait. [21:03] Lady     I need time to emotionally prepare myself! [21:06] Lady     Ah, we're so close! [21:11] Lady     You loser! [21:13] Lady     I don't like you at all! [21:15] Lady     So don't get the wrong idea! [21:17] Birdy/Makia     Lady?! [21:19] Makia     Please wait! [21:21] Birdy     Lady! [21:22] Birdy's Daughter     Bye-bye, eggie! [21:25] Lira     Get your butt back here! [21:27] Lady     I'm such an ass! A jerk! Scum! [21:30] Lady     Emotionally unstable! Hostile deviant! [21:33] Lady     But... But... [21:36] Lady     I touched her hand! [21:39] Viola     How should I put this? [21:42] Guita     Making friends is tough. [21:46] Narrator     In this strange way,     everyone learned a lesson. SIGN    Preview [22:59] Phoenix     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:02] Phoenix     I am called Phoenix! [23:04] Phoenix     'Tis my duty to protect my     contracted's domicile in her absence! [23:08] Phoenix     "The Home Alone Circumstances     of the Familiars." [23:10] Phoenix     "The Weight Loss Circumstances     of Corpulent Phoenix." [23:13] Phoenix     Et cetera. SIGN    The Home Alone Circumstances     of the Familiars SIGN    The Romantic Advice Circumstances     of the Men without Dates SIGN    The Weight Loss Circumstances SIGN    of Corpulent Phoenix [23:14] Phoenix     Keep ye sharp eyes on my every move! E11 - The Home Alone Circumstances of the Familiars / The Weight Loss Circumstances of the Corpulent Phoenix / The Romantic Advice Circumstances of the Men without Dates Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:07] Viola     Okay, Phoenix, you two take care     of the place while we're out. [00:12] Phoenix     I obey. SIGN    The Home Alone Circumstances      of the Familiars [00:26] Phoenix     "The Home Alone Circumstances     of the Familiars." [00:35] Phoenix     I did not think we would     meet again, tiny life form. [00:39] Phoenix     'Tis surely fate. Thus, I shall     guide thee as thy senior. [00:45] Phoenix     I've noticed that thou     hast warlike tendencies. [00:50] Phoenix     Under this roof thou shouldst obey     the summoner and her mother. [00:57] Phoenix     Warlike already... [01:05] Phoenix     Such play is forbidden. [01:11] Phoenix     See? That's why. [01:17] Phoenix     Why art thou blaming me? [01:23] Phoenix     Cease this creationless destruction! [01:27] Phoenix     Stop this. If thou strugglest too much— [01:31] Phoenix     I told thee so. [01:35] Phoenix     I hope this hath taught thee     a bit of restraint. [01:42] Phoenix     Violence born of unjust resentment... [01:47] Phoenix     Perhaps this is the anger of the hungry. [01:52] Phoenix     Consume this afternoon snack     and quell thy rage. [01:56] Phoenix     Here, eat. [02:00] Phoenix     Your voracity is encouraging to see. [02:03] Phoenix     I shall partake as well. [02:07] Phoenix     The portions are neither     too large nor too small. [02:19] Phoenix     I shall not trade. [02:29] Phoenix     I hear a fuss. [02:36] Phoenix     He is swift as the wind! [02:39] Phoenix     He hath more energy now that     his stomach is satisfied! [02:47] Phoenix     There! [02:50] Phoenix     Tiny life form, I cannot overlook     further outrageous behavior. [02:54] Phoenix     If thou repentest, show me with     thine attitude, and all shall be well. [03:01] Phoenix     A battle stance. [03:05] Phoenix     Interesting. To demonstrate my respect     for thy reckless courage, [03:09] Phoenix     I shall fight thee at full power. [03:22] Phoenix     Where goest thou? [03:27] Phoenix     Evidently, 'twas just a sound. [03:29] Phoenix     Let us continue, then! [03:37] Phoenix     Calm thyself. Our contracted and her     mother shall return in half an hour. [03:44] Phoenix     I hope we last that long... [03:54] Phoenix     At last, I've managed to lull him     to sleep with my song. [03:59] Phoenix     Now I must clean up— [04:02] Viola     We're back! [04:04] Alyssa     We bought you two something... Wait. [04:11] Alyssa     Even the door is wrecked! [04:15] Viola     What happened here? [04:17] Phoenix     There is an excellent explanation for this... [04:21] Viola     I bet you weren't looking after Toxic Koala! [04:24] Viola     You have to be more responsible,     Phoenix. You're his senior. [04:34] Phoenix     I quit being the senior! [04:37] Viola     I-I'm sorry! Was I too harsh?! SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch [06:14] Alyssa     Phoen! [06:16] Alyssa     Today's snack is flan. [06:20] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:22] Narrator     The next day... [06:23] Alyssa     Today's snack is cake. [06:26] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:27] Narrator     The next day... [06:29] Alyssa     Today's snack is a cream puff! [06:31] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:32] Narrator     The next day... [06:33] Alyssa     Today's snack is crème brûlée. [06:36] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:37] Narrator     The next day... [06:38] Alyssa     Today's snack is Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte. [06:40] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:41] Narrator     The next day! [06:41] Alyssa     Today's snack is Apfelstrudel. [06:43] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:43] Narrator     And next! [06:43] Alyssa     Today's snack is Zitronenschnitten. [06:44] Phoenix     Delicious. [06:45] Narrator     Next! [06:45] Alyssa     Today's snack is Marmorgugelhupf. [06:45] Narrator     Next! Next! [06:46] Alyssa     Today's snack is Zwetschgenknödel. [06:47] Phoenix     Delicious. Delicious. Delicious. [06:48] Alyssa     Today's snack is Gefüllter Hefezopf. [06:49] Narrator     Next! [06:51] Viola     Phoenix... [06:54] Viola     Did you get fat? SIGN    The Weight Loss Circumstances of the Corpulent Phoenix [06:58] Kicla     "The Weight Loss Circumstances     of the Corpulent Phoenix"! [07:03] Viola     Well, did you get fat? [07:05] Alyssa     Hey! You know better than to ask     such an insensitive question! [07:09] Viola     Huh? I did something wrong? [07:11] Viola     I'm sorry. I'll phrase it differently. [07:15] Viola     You got fat. [07:16] Alyssa     Baldly stated! [07:17] Viola     Anyone can see he did! [07:19] Viola     Let me ask you, Mama: Don't you     think something's wrong here? [07:22] Alyssa     I may have given him too many snacks lately. [07:26] Alyssa     B-But isn't it better to be a little plump? [07:29] (Flashback) Alyssa     Eat up! [07:31] Viola     She has her Mom Goggles on. [07:33] Phoenix     Mother, I thank thee,     but my contracted is right. [07:38] Phoenix     This body is proof of my inability     to control myself! [07:42] Alyssa     I-I'm sorry I fed you too much, too. [07:45] Alyssa     Okay, then, let's lose weight together! [07:48] Alyssa     I'll work hard, too! [07:49] Viola     Huh? [07:50] Viola     Mama, why would you need to?     You haven't gotten fat. [07:54] Alyssa     It's harder for me to lose fat these days     than it was in my 100s. [07:59] Alyssa     So it would be best if I exercised. [08:02] Viola     What? That's scary. [08:03] Viola     By the way, how do people lose weight? [08:06] Viola     I never put on any, so I don't know. [08:09] Alyssa     Viola, don't ever say that     to anyone outside this family. [08:12] Phoenix     I shall abstain from all food     and drink for one year. [08:16] Alyssa     Too extreme! [08:17] Alyssa     We have to do it in a healthy     way, or it's dangerous. [08:19] Alyssa     Let's start by improving our     eating habits and exercising. [08:23] Phoenix     I'd like to pursue any     other good ideas as well... [08:27] Kicla     There are outpatient weight     loss clinics these days, too. [08:32] Alyssa     The mad mushroom doctor! SIGN    Note SIGN    Mad Scientista [08:38] Kicla     I haven't seen you in so long!     How have you been? [08:42] Kicla     Bad birdie. [08:44] Kicla     If you have illnesses or concerns,     you need to come see me right away! [08:48] Phoenix     The deviant who thinketh herself     my primary care physician? [08:52] Viola     Kicla is technically a doctor,     so she must know lots about this. [08:57] Kicla     Did you say "technically"? [08:59] Viola     If you have a recommended     weight loss method, tell us! [09:02] Kicla     Recommended, you say? [09:04] Kicla     Well, there is a way to take off     lots of weight in no time! [09:08] Alyssa     Oh? What is it? [09:10] Kicla     Surgery. [09:13] Alyssa     Right, I'll call Sheeta. [09:15] Kicla     I was joking, I swear! [09:18] Kicla     Although, I'll happily suction     or excise any fat he'd like! [09:22] Alyssa     You're blatantly targeting him! [09:24] Kicla     It's true! There are downsides     to surgery, after all, [09:28] Kicla     so I can't recommend it lightly! [09:31] Kicla     I just meant that I'd do my best to help [09:33] Kicla     if he gave informed consent to that method! [09:36] Alyssa     Y-Yes, of course. I'm sorry I doubted you. [09:40] Kicla     Oh, but... [09:41] Kicla     If he does, may I keep any blood lost     or feathers shaved off? [09:46] Alyssa     She has enough conscience not to     do so without asking, and yet... [09:49] Narrator     Dr. Kicla's Diet Lecture! SIGN    Chew your food thoroughly / Cut back on fat, oil, and sugar     Eat lots of vegetables and seaweed / Eat dinner as early as you can [09:52] Kicla     This is more or less what you     should keep in mind, food-wise. [09:58] Kicla     You've had a lot of cream     in your snacks recently. [10:03] Kicla     I can't recommend eating that every day. [10:06] Kicla     While you're losing weight,     I recommend nuts or yogurt. [10:10] Kicla     You've also used croissants     for your bread a lot, [10:13] Kicla     so you should switch to bagels. [10:16] Kicla     I have an idea. As I recall,     you don't have plans today. [10:20] Kicla     Shall we go exercise right now? [10:23] Viola     Sounds good. [10:24] Phoenix     Quite. [10:26] Alyssa     How does she know those things? [10:29] Viola     Here we are! [10:31] Alyssa     We can exercise to our hearts' content here. [10:34] Viola     Okay, let's get to it! [10:35] Viola     Wait, where's Dr. Kicla? [10:39] Alyssa     Doctor! [10:41] Kicla     Sorry... I'm so out of shape...     my body is out of energy... [10:46] Alyssa     Just from coming here?! [10:48] Viola     Maybe you should improve your habits, too! [10:50] Kicla     N-Now, let's start with a light warmup... [10:56] Kicla     Sudden exercise is bad for your body... [11:02] Viola & Alyssa     She's a compelling example. [11:04] Kicla     Now your warmup! Ready, go! [11:07] Alyssa & Viola     1, 2, 3, 4! [11:10] Narrator     Menu item #1: running. SIGN    Menu Item #1: Running [11:12] Kicla     Now, go ahead and lightly run. [11:17] Alyssa     I appreciate her instruction,     but is she okay? [11:20] Viola     She worries me, so let's wrap this up     before she feels better enough to rampage. [11:24] Phoenix     Understood. [11:28] Alyssa     I've never seen him so agile! [11:30] Viola     And when you look closely... [11:31] Viola     He's not running, he's floating! [11:34] Alyssa     How does that work?! [11:36] Alyssa     Ah, she looks a little better! [11:38] Viola     Oh, no! Next exercise! [11:39] Narrator     Menu item #2: strength training. SIGN    Menu Item #2: Strength Training SIGN    Sit-ups [11:42] Narrator     Sit-ups! [11:46] Narrator     Back extensions! SIGN    Back Extensions [11:49] Narrator     Squat jumps! SIGN    Squat Jumps [11:53] Viola & Alyssa     Where are the muscles? [11:56] Narrator     Menu item #3: side stepping. SIGN    Menu Item #3: Side Stepping [11:58] Alyssa     His speed is going crazy again! [12:01] Phoenixes 1>2>3     They're. Not. Afterimages. [12:02] Alyssa     No way! [12:04] Kicla     Give me one, please! [12:06] Alyssa     Why'd you show her that?! [12:08] Viola     I wonder if he'd get slimmer     if he created avatars out of his fat. [12:12] Alyssa     It would terrify me if that worked,     so don't suggest it to him. [12:16] Kicla     Oh, we have a lake here. [12:19] Kicla     Let's try some water-based exercise, too. SIGN    Menu Item #4: Swimming [12:22] Narrator     Menu item #4: swimming. [12:27] Alyssa     Why?! [12:29] Phoenix     I suppose I absorbed water. [12:31] Alyssa     I understand the reason, but not the logic! [12:36] Narrator     Drying! [12:38] Kicla     That's all for today. [12:41] Kicla     Great work. [12:43] Alyssa     Viola and Alyssa, you worked hard, too. [12:49] Viola     I'm tired in so many ways... [12:52] Kicla     I've come up with plans     for everyone. Here you go. [12:57] Kicla     But you two are healthy already,     so this is just for fitness. [13:02] Viola     Wow, really? [13:04] Alyssa     Thank you for going to the trouble! [13:07] Viola     Huh, yours has more sit-ups     than mine. Does that mean... [13:10] Alyssa     N-No peeking! [13:13] Phoenix     I give thee my apology and gratitude. [13:17] Phoenix     I thought thou mightst use the pretext     of exercise to seek my body. [13:21] Fantasy Kicla     S-Spread your wings for me! [13:26] Kicla     That's something I'd... [13:27] Kicla     I'd... never do... right... [13:31] Kicla     I-I may be depraved, but I am still a doctor. [13:37] Kicla     When I see your family worrying about you, [13:41] Kicla     even someone like me wants to help. [13:46] Kicla     Do your best. [13:49] Phoenix     Indeed. [13:50] Narrator     After that, [13:53] Narrator     Phoenix put his all into weight loss. SIGN    chew     chew     chew          chew     chew     chew [13:57] Narrator     Good daily habits and appropriate exercise [14:00] Narrator     steadily changed his body. SIGN    Beans [14:04] Narrator     And one month later... [14:11] Viola     Phoenix, please get fatter... [14:15] Narrator     His body fat lessened,     but his mystery only grew. [14:23] Fennel     Don't do it, Glind! [14:25] Fennel     It's crazy to strike a deal with him! [14:27] Glind     No, it's worth a try. [14:30] Glind     I'm about to get you out of here! [14:33] Glind     In exchange... [14:34] Glind     ...teach me how to get dates! [14:37] Fennel     Reconsider, Glind! [14:38] Auri     Wouldja lend me the money     to pay my fine, too? [14:40] Fennel     Act guiltier, Auri! SIGN    The Romantic Advice Circumstances of the Men without Dates [14:44] Fennel & Glind     "The Romantic Advice Circumstances     of the Men without Dates." [14:49] Auri     I pushed my luck and got caught cheating. [14:53] Auri     See, I'd never been to that casino,     so I misjudged when to stop. [14:57] Auri     Thanks for being my guarantors! [15:00] Fennel     Just don't cheat in the first place! [15:02] Auri     I know, I'll be careful from now on. [15:05] Auri     Can't very well disappoint Alyssa, you know? [15:09] Fennel     I'm amazed he thinks     she still has hope for him. [15:13] Fennel     Seriously, don't seek advice from this guy. [15:16] Glind     Of everyone I know, he's got     the most game with the ladies. [15:20] Fennel     His specific game isn't a useful example! [15:23] Fennel     This guy's approach is "save     on lodging through one night stands." [15:26] Fennel     That's how loose his lifestyle is! [15:27] ---     Wow! [15:28] ---     You're the best! [15:29] ---     You're so dreamy! [15:30] Glind     When you put it that way... [15:32] Auri     I've gotta be more useful than the guy [15:34] Auri     who's failed to ask out his crush     for a century now. [15:36] Glind     Drink up, Teacher! [15:39] Glind     Whoops, almost spilled. [15:40] Glind     So, Teacher, how does a guy get dates? [15:43] Auri     His face. End of lesson! [15:44] Fennel     You scum! [15:45] Glind     What happened to "more useful"?! [15:48] Auri     It's just, when I really think about it,     what is there to teach? [15:53] Glind     It was stupid to ask for your advice. [15:55] Fennel     Told you. [15:57] Fennel     Listen, I'll introduce you     to my brother. Ladies love him. [16:00] Auri     I have way more game     than that forest gorilla! [16:03] Fennel     Don't be randomly competitive! [16:05] Auri     Very well. Auri, the Don Juan of witches,     shall teach you everything. [16:11] Auri     Are you ready to deify me     and worship me for generations? [16:14] Glind     I wonder if I really picked     the wrong person... [16:17] Fennel     Yes! [16:18] Auri     Anyway, it's simple     if you understand the fundamentals. [16:22] Auri     What do you think having game requires? [16:25] Glind     Huh? Well, a good face, like you said? [16:29] Fennel     A nonjudgmental attitude? [16:31] Auri     Yep, you're stupid dumbass idiots [16:32] Auri     who'll die with balls     growing out of your foreheads. [16:35] Fennel     I'll punch you! [16:36] Auri     The right answer is... [16:38] Auri     Sympathy for others. [16:40] Glind     You think you have that?! [16:42] Auri     Just shut up and listen, virgin boys. [16:45] Auri     It sounds like you two think     having game is a special skill. [16:49] Glind     You mean it's not? [16:50] Auri     Having game means being liked. [16:53] Auri     In other words, it refers to having     good human relationships. SIGN    FRIENDLY [16:57] Auri     And being sympathetic is what     makes relationships go well. [17:02] Fennel     It annoys me to hear him make a good point. [17:05] Auri     It seems obvious, yet the world's     full of guys who can't do it. [17:09] Glind     I-I see. [17:10] Fennel     You're right, that's fundamental. [17:12] Auri     Back in the day,     I once turned into a girl— [17:16] Glind     What's with the creepy     declaration, old man?! [17:19] Auri     Not in a weird way! [17:20] Auri     Once a long time ago,     my sister suddenly told me [17:22] Auri     "I think I'm gonna make a little sister." [17:26] Fennel     What the heck? [17:27] Auri     Her story was something like, [17:29] Auri     she was interested in how our relationship     and feelings would change [17:31] Auri     if my sex changed but our relative ages     and positions stayed the same. [17:36] Auri     So I got hit with a sex change spell, [17:40] Auri     and I was a woman for the two weeks     it took her to lose interest... [17:43] Fennel     I guess all little brothers     get treated roughly. [17:46] Auri     We only truly understand others' emotions     when we stand in their shoes. [17:52] Auri     Basically, I understand female     emotions better than you. [17:55] Auri     I can be sympathetic. [17:56] Auri     That's why I've got game for days! [17:59] Fennel     I hate to say it,     but that's oddly compelling. [18:02] Auri     Now for those all-important female emotions. [18:06] Auri     To explain it simply enough     for even you two to understand... [18:11] Auri     I could crush your head with my bare hand. [18:16] Fennel     Scary conversation starter! [18:17] Auri     Yes! Exactly. [18:19] Auri     Men typically have more     brute strength than women, [18:22] Auri     so flirting wrong just inspires terror. [18:25] Auri     One of us walking up is like an organ-sucking     monster suddenly staring at your torso. [18:29] Fennel     Your analogy's scary, too! [18:31] Auri     Essentially, men will always fall into the     "potentially dangerous" category. [18:37] Auri     It's a self-preservation thing,     so it's natural and inevitable. [18:44] Auri     You need to be aware of that [18:45] Auri     and interact with them sincerely     and on equal terms. [18:48] Auri     That has to come before     stuff like love and lust. [18:51] Glind     Sincerely and on equal terms... [18:54] Glind     So they don't like me because I want them     to treat me like a dirty little piggy! [18:59] Auri     I said it comes before lust. [19:00] Fennel     A difference in strength, eh? [19:03] Fennel     The women in my life are so strong,     I forgot about that. [19:06] Auri     Yeah, there's individual     and species-level variation. [19:12] Fennel     Was it tough for you     when you were a woman, too? [19:15] Auri     You bet it was! Just     remembering pisses me off. [19:19] (Flashback) Iratio     Watch where you're going! [19:21] (Flashback) Pervical     Your boobies are huge! [19:22] (Flashback) Shaddup     This is the problem with women. [19:24] Auri     Guys who wouldn't dare make     eye contact with my male self [19:27] Auri     got all insolent just 'cause I was female. [19:30] Auri     They thought they could get away     with it because I wouldn't fight back. [19:34] Glind     That's awful! [19:35] Fennel     Were you okay? [19:36] Auri     I nine-tenths killed each     one of them right there. [19:39] Fennel     They weren't okay! [19:41] Auri     Never forget that I could slurp     up your organs any time I wanted. [19:46] Glind     Is that tension necessary?! [19:48] Auri     Other than that, there are some techniques [19:50] Auri     for stuff like giving compliments     and carrying on conversations, [19:53] Auri     but you two aren't ready. [19:55] Auri     They require appropriately tailoring     your approach to each individual. [20:01] Auri     There's no manual or surefire technique     that'll have everyone drooling for you. [20:05] Auri     Master the fundamentals. End of lesson. [20:07] Fennel     So the common advice "Girls like it     when you pat them on the head" is wrong? [20:13] Auri     Obviously that depends on the relationship     and how much they like you! [20:17] Auri     Did you believe that crap?     You should be ashamed! [20:20] Fennel     Must you be so mean?! [20:21] Auri     Don't even think about patting Alyssa's head. [20:26] Auri     I'll explode your head     before you get the chance! [20:30] Fennel     You've been after my head all night! [20:33] Glind     This was useful, actually. [20:35] Glind     Now I know there's no secret technique. [20:38] Fennel     Thinking about how she feels...     It's obvious, but it's important. [20:44] Auri     Thanks for tying that up so well. [20:46] Auri     Still, it never hurts to have a nice face. [20:50] Fennel     Are you compelled to ruin everything?! [20:53] Auri     Glind's right that there's no secret. [20:56] Auri     There is a shortcut, though. [20:57] Glind     Oh? What is it? [21:00] Catearina     Thank you! [21:01] Catearina     I appreciate you filling     an herb order so late at night. [21:05] Alyssa     Of course! We all help each other. [21:08] Alyssa     Thanks for coming with me, Screechy. [21:12] Auri     I'll turn you into women! [21:14] Catearina     What could that be? [21:15] Glind     What's with the creepy     declaration, old man?! [21:17] Glind     No! Stay away from me! [21:20] Auri     I told you, [21:21] Auri     we only truly understand others' emotions     when we stand in their shoes. [21:24] Auri     So become women! [21:24] Auri     Glind? Fennel? Stop, please! [21:27] Auri     I'll give you understanding. [21:28] Fennel     W-We're not your toys! [21:31] Auri     Save your breath.     You're my toys now, girlies! [21:43] Narrator     The misunderstanding was cleared up, [21:44] Narrator     but Auri had—once again—     disappointed Alyssa. SIGN    Preview [22:58] Alyssa     This is Alyssa! [22:59] Viola     This is Viola! [23:00] Alyssa & Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... [23:03] Viola     Mama! [23:04] Mama     Yes? [23:05] Viola     Thank you for everything! [23:06] Alyssa     What brought this on? [23:09] Viola     I just wanted to say it. [23:11] Alyssa     Aw, Viola. [23:12] Viola     I love you, Mama! SIGN    The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch [23:15] Alyssa     I love you too, Viola! E12 - The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] Viola     Grandpa Auri! [00:03] Viola     Buy me a mithril sword! [00:06] Auri     Sure! [00:14] Auri     I mean, if your mama says it's okay. [00:18] Alyssa     I find this conversation suspicious. [00:20] Alyssa     Stand a little further away! [00:21] Auri     Don't be so cold. I told you,     that was a misunderstanding! [00:26] Auri     Think about how I feel, finding out     I hit on my teenage granddaughter! [00:32] Alyssa     Yeah, I... Yeah. [00:36] Viola     I'm really sorry for how I acted     when I misunderstood. [00:38] Viola     Trying to poison you, pressuring you     psychologically, and everything... [00:43] Auri     Hearing it out loud, that really was mean. [00:47] Auri     Eh, don't worry about it. [00:50] Auri     Could've been worse—at least you didn't start     breaking my bones the second you met me. [00:53] Viola     Of course I wouldn't do something like that! [00:58] Viola     Mama? [01:00] Alyssa     Say one more weird thing,     and I'll fill your mouth with clay. SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Family Circumstances      of the Irregular Witch [02:37] Viola & Alyssa     "The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch"! [02:42] Auri     Anyway, I want to spend some time     with just my daughter and granddaughter. [02:48] Auri     Why are you here? [02:50] Luna & Giriko     For the entertainment value. [02:52] Auri     Go home! [02:54] Auri     Actually— [02:55] Auri     You two shouldn't have kept Viola     a secret from me! Why did you? [02:59] Luna     Alyssa said not to tell you. [03:01] Auri     What?! [03:02] Giriko     Honestly, we thought it'd     be better to tell you. [03:05] Luna     Mm-hmm! [03:07] Giriko     But we couldn't deny she had a point     about you being inappropriate for kids. [03:11] Luna     So we kept it from you until now. [03:15] Alyssa     I'm sorry. I am starting to feel guilty,     even if it's kinda too late... [03:20] Auri     That's right. [03:21] Auri     Take pity on your poor father.     Be kind to him! [03:23] Auri     And if you've kept her secret     from anyone else, tell them, too! [03:27] Alyssa     Well, actually you're more or less     the only one who didn't know about Viola. [03:34] Auri     Also, aren't these two just as inappropriate?! [03:37] Giriko     Pardon? [03:37] Luna     Don't take it out on us. [03:40] Alyssa     That's not— [03:42] Alyssa     That's not... [03:45] Alyssa     That's not true! [03:46] Auri     Don't lie to yourself. [03:48] Alyssa     That's... not true... [03:51] Auri     Anyway... [03:53] Auri     If everyone knew but me,     that means Fennel was in on it. [03:58] Auri     I'll invite him here and kill him. [04:00] Alyssa     Don't do that! [04:01] Viola     You know Fennel too, Grandpa?! [04:04] Auri     Yep. I treat him like a little brother. [04:08] Alyssa     Whoa! [04:12] Fennel     Why'd you call? [04:13] Auri     Hey, Fennel. I'll kill you if you're     not at Alyssa's place in five minutes. [04:17] Fennel     Say what?! [04:18] Viola     He's mentioned murder twice     in a really short time. [04:22] Narrator     Several dozen minutes later... [04:33] Fennel     What?! What's this about?! [04:36] Auri     This will be your grave. [04:39] Fennel     Where's my "Hello"?! [04:41] Luna     Fennel, long time no see!     Let's talk about romance! [04:45] Giriko     Let me sip the essence of first love! [04:49] Fennel     What's with this group?     Is this the Toy with Fennel Club?! [04:54] Fennel     Don't you smile like that! [04:57] Alyssa     Hey, stop picking on Fennel. [05:00] Fennel     Swoon! [05:01] Luna     Come on, we were just teasing. [05:03] Giriko     What she said. [05:04] Alyssa     No teasing younger people! [05:07] Viola     Grandpa! [05:09] Viola     Fennel makes eyes at Mama.     Shouldn't you do something about him? [05:14] Auri     I don't see the problem. [05:16] Auri     I know he's trustworthy, after all. [05:19] Auri     This is worlds better than her     bringing home some random jerk. [05:23] Fennel     Auri! I'm touched. [05:25] Auri     I don't think for a second he     has a chance with her, though. [05:30] Fennel     He looks down on me. [05:35] Fennel     So he finally found out, huh? [05:38] Alyssa     Sorry to mix you up in this. [05:40] Fennel     No, it's fine! [05:41] Auri     Stop trying to make yourself look good! [05:43] Auri     How about I tell her you puked     at Glind's place the other day?! [05:46] Fennel     You just did! [05:47] Narrator     This man not only arrived an hour late, [05:49] Narrator     but already drunk and covered with     someone else's blood for some reason! [05:54] Narrator     This man had to clean blood     from his entryway! [05:58] Narrator     This man got sick from the blood smell     and vomited 30 seconds later! [06:02] Viola     Wow, so you're friends with Glind, too. [06:06] Auri     Yep. The three of us sometimes     have dinner together. [06:08] Viola     Me, too! [06:11] Auri     Then he knew, too? [06:14] Fennel     Uhhh... yeah. [06:16] Fennel     I introduced him to her. For reasons. [06:19] Alyssa     He's even come to visit us a few times! [06:25] Auri     Even he knew before me? [06:28] Fennel     Hey... you're not crying, are you? [06:31] Fennel     It's really uncomfortable to see     a man in his 300s cry, you know! [06:36] Auri     You all locked me out!      I can't even deal with this! [06:39] Auri     I'll beat Fennel to a pulp to punish you! [06:42] Fennel     Punish everyone equally! [06:43] Giriko     Sheesh. [06:45] Luna     Aw, what will it take     to make you feel better? [06:49] Auri     Worship me and pledge your loyalty. [06:52] Giriko     Don't instantly try to take advantage. [06:55] Alyssa     I'm sure you don't want to     hear this from me, [06:58] Alyssa     but I notice you did visit Fennel and Glind. SIGN    Hmph! [07:02] Auri     You've got it all wrong—     I told you, there was a warrant out! [07:06] Auri     I was avoiding you because I didn't     want you to get dragged into it. [07:11] Auri     But I didn't care if they did. [07:13] Fennel     You never told me     about any warrant, old man! [07:17] Giriko     You're the king of good-for-nothings! [07:19] Luna     What did you do? Did you     finally end up killing someone? [07:23] Auri     What do you mean, "finally"?! [07:24] Auri     It was just a guy falsely accusing me     because I slept with his wife! [07:28] Giriko     How much is your bounty? [07:30] Auri     Don't try to sell me!     And the charges were dropped! [07:33] Fennel     You should've taken the opportunity     to atone for all your crimes. [07:37] Auri     What did you just say?! [07:41] Viola     Everyone gets along so well. [07:43] Alyssa     I-I guess so... [07:46] Viola     I want to meet Grandma, too. [07:50] Viola     What kind of person is she? [07:53] Alyssa     What kind of... [07:59] Alyssa     ...person? [08:00] Viola     That's the part you're stuck on?! [08:03] Horned Mother     Mother! [08:04] Blood-Spewing Mother     Mommy! [08:05] Phoenix Mother     I am Mother. [08:06] Alyssa     I'm pretty sure it's not     what you're thinking! [08:09] Alyssa     Like I said before, she's a very free spirit! [08:12] Viola     Free spirit? [08:14] Alyssa     You could say she's hard to pin down...     or maybe hard to understand... [08:19] Alyssa     She's sort of mysterious. [08:25] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     Giving birth is just     the result of the process. [08:30] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     At least, that's what I think, [08:34] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     although I'm sure it would     make some people angry. [08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     I won't say anything     against those who revere it, [08:41] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     and I know from experience how hard it is. [08:45] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     But there isn't necessarily a direct     connection between blood ties and love. [08:51] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     So only two things are important: [08:56] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     taking responsibility for another life, [08:59] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     and wishing the best for them. [09:04] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     Perfectly simple, right? [09:06] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     There are plenty of people in this     world who can't do those things, [09:09] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     or who stop being able to. [09:12] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     But you? [09:15] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     I believe that you can. [09:21] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     That's my answer to your question     "Aren't you against me raising a child?" [09:26] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     Any other questions? [09:28] (Flashback) Alyssa     N-No, that's okay! [09:32] (Flashback) Alyssa     Oh, sorry. It's okay, honey. [09:35] (Flashback) Alyssa     There, there. [09:38] (Flashback) Alyssa     You're such a good girl. [09:42] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     I love you, Alyssa. [09:48] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother     I wish for your happiness     every moment I live. [09:59] Alyssa     I guess the shortest description would be, [10:02] Alyssa     "my mom that I love"! [10:06] Giriko     Take that! [10:07] Luna     Poke, poke! [10:09] Viola     Then... [10:11] Viola     ...what about your dad? [10:21] Viola     Are you okay, Grandpa? [10:24] Auri     Yeah... [10:26] Alyssa     I'm sorry. I'm the one at fault here,     so please stop abusing him. [10:32] Luna     If you say so, Alyssa. [10:34] Giriko     Fine. [10:37] Narrator     The grandfather who got too full of himself [10:40] Narrator     had been beaten black     and blue in a counterattack. [10:42] Alyssa     I have an idea! [10:45] Alyssa     Dad, if you want to know more about Viola,     let's look at some photos! [10:49] Auri     Nice! [10:50] Alyssa     Here are the albums! [10:54] Auri     You sure that isn't an encyclopedia     of world history? [11:00] Alyssa     Look here! [11:05] Alyssa     This brings back memories!     Look, isn't this one cute? [11:09] Auri     Let's have a look. [11:10] Viola     What is it? [11:13] Alyssa     She's potty-flying! [11:15] Viola     Seriously, what?! [11:22] (Flashback) Alyssa     Over here, Viola! Look this way! [11:25] Auri     Nice! Your classic "magically     gifted kid" behavior! [11:30] Auri     You were a prodigy, huh Viola? [11:32] Viola     Was it like flying on a broomstick? SIGN    Potty [11:41] Auri     These are adorable! Too good. [11:45] Alyssa     I'm glad you're enjoying them. [11:47] Giriko     Shall I narrate a few charming little     anecdotes that photos alone can't convey? [11:52] Luna     Look here! [11:54] Alyssa     No, don't work him up! [11:59] Alyssa     Look, you caused unnecessary violence! [12:02] Luna     Anyway, those were eventful times. [12:03] Alyssa     Dad! [12:07] (Flashback) Alyssa     Viola's talking a lot lately! [12:11] (Flashback) Alyssa     Maybe she's a genius! I know, I sound silly. [12:15] (Flashback) Luna     You're such a doting mom. [12:17] (Flashback) Giriko     Try saying something, honey! [12:21] (Flashback) Young Viola     Nyonyunee! Maamou aniuu toroaryo numonidaa! [12:28] (Flashback) Giriko     Sh-She's already chanting     spells at this age?! [12:31] (Flashback) Luna     She absolutely is a genius. [12:33] (Flashback) Alyssa     No, that's just baby talk... [12:37] Alyssa     I told you to stop that! [12:39] Giriko     Remember how we babysat you     when Alyssa had to be out? [12:43] Viola     Uh-huh. [12:45] (Flashback) Giriko     Hey, little Viola! [12:48] (Flashback) Luna     All right, it's time to tidy up. [12:51] (Flashback) Giriko     If this place isn't clean, we'll leave! [12:55] (Flashback) Young Viola     No! Don't leave! [12:58] (Flashback) Young Viola     I wanna play with aunties forever! [13:02] (Flashback) Giriko & Luna     Viola... [13:04] (Flashback) Young Viola     Don't go! [13:06] (Flashback) Alyssa     I'm home. [13:07] (Flashback) Young Viola     Mama! [13:09] (Flashback) Young Viola     Mama! [13:11] (Flashback) Young Viola     Mama! [13:14] (Flashback) Young Viola     Mama, Mama! [13:15] (Flashback) Alyssa     Yes, yes, I'm home. [13:18] (Flashback) Alyssa     Did you behave yourself? [13:19] (Flashback) Young Viola     Uh-huh! [13:20] (Flashback) Alyssa     Thanks, you two. [13:22] (Flashback) Giriko     Ah... [13:23] (Flashback) Luna     Right... [13:25] Giriko     We can't win against true love, huh? [13:28] Luna     Yes, we're just flings. [13:31] Viola     Phrasing. [13:34] Auri     Seriously! Alyssa! [13:38] Fennel     You should count your blessings. [13:41] Fennel     With me, she... [13:44] (Flashback) Alyssa     Well, um, I need to go... [13:51] (Flashback) Alyssa     Are you okay? [13:52] (Flashback) Fennel     Go! Before she escapes! [13:58] Narrator     Several dozen minutes later... [14:03] (Flashback) Fennel     I'll play with you...     so stop being cranky already... [14:07] (Flashback) Young Viola     I wanna play pretend witch! [14:10] (Flashback) Fennel     "Pretend witch"? [14:19] (Flashback) Young Viola     You be the sacrifice. [14:21] (Flashback) Fennel     This looks like more than "pretend"! [14:27] (Flashback) Young Viola     If we can't play witches, then walk!     I wanna walk to town! [14:30] (Flashback) Fennel     Okay, okay! [14:37] (Flashback) Young Viola     Walk! Walk in town! [14:40] (Flashback) Fennel     Hey! [14:44] (Flashback) Fennel     It's dangerous to just start running. [14:47] (Flashback) Fennel     Let's go. [14:48] (Flashback) Young Viola     'Kay! [14:51] (Flashback) Old Lady     My goodness, you're cute! [14:54] (Flashback) Old Lady     Are you on a walk with your daddy? [14:57] (Flashback) Fennel     Aw, well... [15:01] (Flashback) Young Viola     No. He's a stranger. [15:03] (Flashback) Fennel     Hey, no, that is not funny! [15:07] (Flashback) Old Lady     You filthy... [15:10] (Flashback) Old Lady     ...kidnapper! [15:20] Viola     I never imagined that would happen     if I denied you being my father... [15:25] Fennel     It's a hard world we live in. [15:29] Auri     Hearing all this reminds me     of my parenting days. [15:32] Viola     With Mama? [15:33] Viola     I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know! [15:34] Alyssa     Hey! [15:35] Auri     She's really interested. [15:35] Viola     Tell me, tell me, tell me! [15:36] Giriko     Now, now. [15:38] Luna     Let him do it. [15:38] Viola     Tell me, tell me, tell me! [15:41] Auri     Alyssa was the opposite of you. [15:43] Auri     As a kid, she didn't have much magic,     and she was sick a lot. [15:47] Auri     She was a regular guest at the hospital. [15:50] Viola     That sounds hard. [15:53] Auri     And me... [15:55] (Flashback) Sentry     You there! [15:57] (Flashback) Sentry     What's your relationship with that girl? [16:00] (Flashback) Auri     I was a regular guest of the guards. [16:03] (Flashback) Auri     Are you blind or stupid?!     I'm obviously her dad! [16:05] (Flashback) Sentry     What?! [16:07] Viola     That sounds hard... [16:09] Auri     But Alyssa was a really together kid. [16:13] Auri     Even on the rare occasions     she got fretful... [16:15] (Flashback) Auri     There, there, don't cry. [16:21] (Flashback) Auri     Look at that cloud! [16:24] (Flashback) Auri     It looks like poop! [16:26] (Flashback) Young Alyssa     Adults shouldn't say stuff     like that too loudly. [16:31] (Flashback) Auri     Not what I envisioned, but you     stopped crying, so it's all good! [16:35] Luna     That must be thanks to you. [16:36] Auri     Don't compliment me, silly. [16:38] Giriko     Children learn from their parents' examples. [16:45] Auri     Fennel, I never guessed you were     with me on team Constantly Interrogated. [16:48] Auri     You shoulda told me! [16:50] Fennel     Don't count me in your sad company. [16:52] Auri     Huh? All guys get interrogated     when they walk around with kids. [16:55] Fennel     An actual magnet would     attract less trouble than you! [17:00] Auri     Wait a sec... [17:02] Auri     Do you mean the world's fathers don't     all get interrogated over and over [17:06] Auri     until every guard in their     town recognizes them? [17:10] Fennel     Glad you got to learn the truth! [17:14] Luna     I guess he's the type who     doesn't look totally bad alone, [17:17] Luna     but gets a buff to his Criminality Vibe     when he's with a kid. [17:22] Giriko     Yep. [17:23] Auri     What is she, equipment?! [17:25] Auri     I'm not convinced! I'm going to ask Glind. [17:29] Fennel     Don't! You'll only get hurt! [17:31] Glind     Auri? What's up? [17:34] Auri     Glind! Have you ever been questioned by     guards while you were walking with a kid? [17:37] Glind     Huh? No. [17:39] Auri     Die! [17:39] Alyssa     High-speed rudeness! [17:41] Auri     Why, dammit?! [17:42] Giriko     Anyone would question you. [17:43] Luna     You can't blame them. [17:45] Auri     Shut up! [17:46] Viola     Don't be sad, Grandpa. [17:48] Auri     Viola... [17:48] Giriko     You should do some self-reflection     about your lifestyle. [17:51] Phoenix     Is this the uproar which     interrupteth my cleansing? [17:52] Luna     Exactly. [17:53] Auri     You'll never know how I feel! [17:54] Fennel     You're here, too?! [17:56] Jinn Eel A     Cool! [17:57] Jinn Eel B     Down! [17:57] Jinn Eel C     Time! [17:59] Viola     What do you think? [18:01] Phoenix     Such a young life. I am most interested. [18:05] Viola     It's kind of fun to hear     about your own childhood, huh? [18:09] Alyssa     You're still a child in our eyes. [18:14] Auri     And you're still a child in my eyes, Alyssa. [18:18] Auri     Poke, poke! [18:20] Alyssa     Well, true, but... [18:23] Auri     And now my little girl is a fine mother. [18:28] Auri     It's impressive. [18:32] Phoenix     Indeed. Ye mortals do a fine job. [18:38] Phoenix     Impressive, when ye are all     but infants in my eyes. [18:46] Alyssa     Well... true, but... [18:51] Narrator     This comment from an everlasting being     was so grand in scale [18:56] Narrator     that the group did not know how to react. [18:59] All but Phoenix     Huh? What? [20:58] Viola     Mama! Wait! [21:01] Alyssa     Viola? [21:03] Viola     I want to come, too. [21:05] Alyssa     It's just some shopping. [21:09] Narrator     Once upon a time, there was     a witch family who lived in a forest. [21:10] Alyssa     I'll tell you right now,     we're not buying anything extra. [21:13] Viola     Aw, why not? [23:08] Viola     I'd like this, please! [23:11] Proprietor     Well, my goodness. [23:13] Proprietor     The witch and her apprentice! [23:15] Viola     Hello! [23:16] Proprietor     I see you're as close as ever. [23:21] Viola     Well, yeah, because... [23:23] Alyssa     ...we're family! [23:28] Proprietor     Your mother and your teacher, huh? [23:31] Viola     That's right! [23:33] Phoenix     Mother. [23:34] Alyssa     We're still being misunderstood!