Season 1
- E1 - The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family/The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form
- E2 - The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing/The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
- E3 - The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew/The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter
- E4 - The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc/The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister
- E5 - The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest / The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend
- E6 - The Assemblage Circumstances of the Rose Garden
- E7 - The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—Of Course These Are Pastries! /The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy
- E8 - The Cooking Circumstances of the Cursed Witch / The Crazed Circumstances of the Phoenix's Exam
- E9 - The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama
- E10 - The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son / The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue
- E11 - The Home Alone Circumstances of the Familiars / The Weight Loss Circumstances of the Corpulent Phoenix / The Romantic Advice Circumstances of the Men without Dates
- E12 - The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
E1 - The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family/The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Narrator
Once upon a time, there was
a witch who lived in a forest.
[00:30] Alyssa
A-A baby?
[00:34] Alyssa
This is a human baby, right?!
[00:37] Alyssa
But I kinda sense magic—
so is it a witch baby?!
[00:40] Alyssa
Wait, how much magic am I sensing?
[00:42] Alyssa
Not a baby amount!
[00:43] Alyssa
Okay, focus: Why is it in the woods?
[00:45] Alyssa
Where are its parents? Is it lost?
Was it abandoned?
[01:06] Narrator
Time went by, and...
[01:11] Viola
I'd like this, please!
[01:13] Man
Sure, one moment—
[01:14] Man
Well, my goodness.
[01:18] Man
A witch, and...
[01:19] Man
Her apprentice, perhaps?
[01:22] Viola
That's right!
SIGN The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family
[02:59] Alyssa/Viola
"The Irregular Circumstances
of the Close-Knit Family"!
[03:04] Man
My, you two must be very close.
[03:07] Man
You're practically stuck together!
[03:10] Viola
Yes!
[03:10] Viola [THOUGHT]
For me...
[03:12] Viola
Getting lost is a problem.
[03:16] Man
How wonderful. You really
care about your apprentice.
[03:20] Viola [THOUGHT]
For Mama...
[03:21] Viola
A nice compliment!
[03:29] Viola
La la la la!
[03:31] Viola
♪ Oh, it's so fun! Shopping with Mama! ♪
[03:38] Viola
Hey, Mama, I wanna visit
the item shop.
SIGN Viola / Human: Age 16
[03:43] Alyssa
No!
SIGN Alyssa / Witch: Age 223
[03:46] Viola
Aw, why?
[03:47] Alyssa
Today, we're only shopping
for tea party snacks,
[03:50] Alyssa
so we're not going to buy anything else!
[03:55] Viola
Aw, please, Mama!
[03:57] Viola
Buy me a phoenix-summoning stone!
[04:01] Alyssa
I said, "no"!
[04:03] Alyssa
You summoned a volcano
dragon just the other day.
[04:07] Viola
Meanie! I want a phoenix!
I'm gonna summon a phoenix!
[04:12] BAckground
What's going on?
[04:12] Alyssa
Viola, stop...
[04:12] Viola
Phoenix! I wanna summon a phoenix!
[04:16] Alyssa
You're attracting attention!
[04:16] Viola
Nothing else is good enough!
[04:19] Viola
Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!
[04:19] BAckground
She's that desperate to summon?
[04:23] Lira
Honestly, you're always such a softie.
[04:27] Lira
Folded like a house of cards, eh?
[04:30] Viola
I'm ashamed to say it, but yes.
SIGN Lira
SIGN Age 40
SIGN Item shop owner
[04:32] Lira
I'm jealous of how close you two are.
[04:35] Lira
My son called me an old hag,
[04:38] Lira
so I split his two buns into six.
[04:41] Viola
Are you sure that's safe?!
SIGN Pull-Apart Bread
[04:42] Lira
It's fine! That's how firm you gotta be
with kids in their rebellious phase.
[04:47] Lira
Better prepare yourself, Alyssa.
[04:49] Alyssa
What?
[04:50] Viola
Oh, wow! It's so cool!
[04:55] Alyssa
She's still just a little girl.
[04:58] Alyssa
The rebellious phase is a long way off.
[05:00] Lira
Don't be ridiculous.
Viola is 16 already, right?
[05:04] Lira
She's overdue.
[05:06] Alyssa
What? But 16 is still a baby!
[05:09] Alyssa
She was an embryo not too long ago!
[05:12] Lira
You can't measure her on a witch's scale.
[05:15] Viola
Mama!
[05:17] Viola
I picked this one.
[05:18] Lira
Thanks for your business!
[05:24] Alyssa
Rebellious phase, huh?
[05:26] Alyssa
If Viola has one, I'll need
to scold her for acting out.
[05:30] Alyssa
Maybe I should start being stricter
on a daily basis, like Lira...
[05:36] Viola
Mama?
[05:39] Viola
Thank you. I'll take good care of it.
[05:43] Alyssa
Of course!
[05:44] Alyssa
Aw, she's cute, so it's fine!
[05:46] Narrator
The doting parent.
[05:48] Alyssa
I know it's early, but
why don't we have lunch?
[05:50] Viola
Yay! I want a chicken sandwich!
[05:54] Alyssa
Oh? Didn't you tell me this morning
that you wanted omelet rice?
[05:57] Viola
I changed my mind. Chicken sandwich!
[06:00] Alyssa
All right. Let's go, then.
[06:02] Viola
Yay!
[06:05] Tory (Man A)
That witch is such a babe!
[06:06] Sugalee (Man B)
Go try talking to her!
[06:08] Tory
No, you should do it.
[06:08] Alyssa
They must mean Viola.
I guess everyone's drawn to her!
[06:12] Alyssa
I thought she was too young
for romance, but...
[06:14] Alyssa
What does she think right now?
[06:18] Viola
"Witch"? They're thinking
dirty thoughts about Mama.
[06:21] Viola
I'll curse them so that peanuts
fall out of their butts forever.
[06:25] Narrator
She was thinking about violence!
[06:29] Parnan
Hello, Miss. Are you alone?
[06:32] Viola
You may leave.
[06:34] Parnan
I-I'm sorry!
[06:37] Parnan
No good, huh?
[06:41] Alyssa
Oh, I see!
[06:42] Viola
You gotta watch out, Mama!
[06:44] Alyssa
Huh?
[06:45] Viola
Watch out for flirts!
[06:46] Viola
You're super-cute! I wish
you'd be more conscious of that.
[06:51] Alyssa
Don't worry, nobody's ever flirted with Mama.
[06:56] Alyssa
And I'm not beautiful like you.
[06:59] Viola
Lies! I know for a fact you're
in more danger than me!
[07:03] Viola
People flirt with you all the time
when I'm not next to you.
[07:07] Dorolee
Hi, honey, come play with me.
[07:10] Alyssa
Th-That's not flirting!
[07:15] Giriko
That story is too good!
[07:18] Luna
I agree.
[07:19] Alyssa
It's not funny!
SIGN Witch-Girl Time
[07:21] Narrator
Girl time for witches, aka "Witch-Girl Time."
[07:24] Giriko
If you don't want people to confuse
the witch with the apprentice,
[07:28] Giriko
just dress her to fit the image.
SIGN Childhood friend witch
SIGN Giriko Age 220
[07:34] Luna
Yes. Actually, I order you
to wear something witchier.
SIGN Childhood friend witch
SIGN Luna Age 221
[07:40] Alyssa
But she wants to wear that stuff...
[07:43] Viola
So cool!
[07:45] Alyssa
Besides, when I get clothes or food,
I always give the best of it to Viola.
[07:51] Luna
Such a mom.
[07:52] Giriko
Total mom.
[07:53] Alyssa
Plus...
[07:55] Alyssa
When I wear witchy clothes...
they look like a Halloween costume.
[08:00] Imaginary Alyssa
Trick or treat!
[08:01] Giriko
Ah.
[08:02] Giriko
Well, never mind, Alyssa. Viola
could have a lover in no time!
[08:10] Luna
Very true! You should prepare yourself.
[08:13] Luna
Girls grow up fast, after all.
[08:17] Alyssa
Yeah, you're right.
[08:20] Alyssa
Someday she'll grow up and
strike out on her own, huh?
[08:25] Alyssa
I have to steel myself so
I'll be ready to encourage her in that.
[08:30] Giriko
Alyssa...
[08:32] Luna
Such a mom.
[08:33] Giriko
Total mom.
[08:34] Viola
Mama!
[08:36] Viola
Mama, can I keep the phoenix I summoned?
[08:40] Phoenix
Seekest thou power?
[08:43] Alyssa
No! Put him back where he came from!
[08:44] Viola
Aw, why?
[08:47] Alyssa
I said, "no"!
[08:48] Viola
No fair!
[08:48] Luna
Parenting is hard, huh?
[08:49] Alyssa
Put him back!
[08:51] Viola
But I just summoned him!
[08:51] Giriko
I'm good with at least 50
more years of the single life.
[08:52] Alyssa
I won't allow it!
[08:54] Viola
Oh, you're here already, aunties?
[08:57] Giriko/Viola
You mean "sisters".
[08:58] Alyssa
Now, now.
[09:00] Alyssa
We're over 200 years old,
so "aunties" seems fine to—
[09:05] Luna
Don't act so blasé about aging just
because your body's doing it slowly.
[09:10] Giriko
If you think you'll be girlish
forever, you're sorely mistaken.
[09:13] Alyssa
I-I'm sorry...
[09:14] Viola
No bullying Mama!
[09:17] Luna
Nonsense, we were just playing.
[09:20] Giriko
Yeah, it was an expression of love.
[09:22] Viola
That's worse!
[09:25] Luna
Girls are so complicated during puberty.
[09:29] Giriko
She really has grown so much.
[09:33] Narrator
Thirteen years ago...
[09:39] (Flashback) Viola
Boob.
[09:42] (Flashback) Viola
Mama! Boobies!
[09:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
Sorry, honey, Mama can't
give you her boobies.
[09:47] (Flashback) Viola
Bye-bye boobies?
[09:50] (Flashback) Giriko
That's right. Your mama has no boobies.
[09:53] (Flashback) Luna
Work hard to make up for that, okay?
[09:56] (Flashback) Alyssa
You phrased that like
you meant something else!
[10:00] Giriko
Good for you!
[10:02] Giriko
You worked really hard.
[10:14] Giriko
Thanks for the tea!
[10:16] Luna
See you later.
[10:17] Alyssa
Yep, get home safe.
[10:19] Viola
Bye-bye!
[10:21] Viola
Come back soon, aunties!
[10:24] Giriko/Viola
You mean "sisters"!
[10:29] Viola
What? Dating?
[10:30] Alyssa
I mean, you're at that age, right?
[10:34] Alyssa
So I wondered if you were
interested in that stuff...
[10:36] Viola
Why would you say that out of nowhere?!
[10:39] Viola
I've never even thought about dating.
[10:41] Viola
And I'm not interested at all.
[10:43] Alyssa
Oh, good.
[10:45] Viola
But actually...
[10:46] Viola
I think a lot about what I'd do
if you dated someone.
[10:50] Viola
Don't you worry. I run
different simulations in my mind,
[10:53] Viola
so that I'll be ready to
obliterate anyone at any time.
[10:57] Alyssa
Why?!
[11:03] Viola
Why did she suddenly bring that up?
[11:07] Viola
Don't tell me Mama found someone?!
[11:10] Alyssa
How lovely!
[11:12] Viola
No! Mama's being stolen from me!
[11:15] Alyssa
What? What's the matter?!
[11:17] Viola
Don't date anyone, Mama!
[11:20] Alyssa
There, there. I've never
considered it even once in my life.
[11:25] Alyssa
If you want a papa, though,
I can make an effort... I guess...
[11:32] Viola
I'd never say that!
[11:36] Viola
If I wanted a papa, I could make one myself!
[11:39] Alyssa
You mustn't create new life so casually!
[11:44] Alyssa
Viola.
[11:47] Alyssa
I mean it.
[11:49] Alyssa
I've never considered dating.
[11:52] Alyssa
It's always been fun just being with you.
[11:56] Alyssa
So I'm plenty happy with just the two of us.
[12:00] Viola
Mama...
[12:01] Papa Golem
Mama!
[12:03] Alyssa
I just said two and now there are four!
[12:05] Viola
Fight!
[12:06] Viola
Phoenix, Papa, do your best!
[12:08] Papa Golem
Over the top!
[12:09] Phoenix
I like thy spirit.
[12:12] Alyssa
Viola.
[12:26] Viola
What brought this on?
[12:31] Alyssa
Oh, no reason.
SIGN 16 Years Ago
[12:36] Narrator
Sixteen years ago...
[12:38] Giriko/Luna
What?!
[12:39] Giriko/Luna
Raise a baby you found?!
[12:42] Giriko
That's a lot of work.
Will you be able to do it alone?
[12:46] Luna
It's a big responsibility!
And it's not easy!
[12:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
I know that.
[12:54] (Flashback) Alyssa
It's okay. I'll stay by your side.
SIGN The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form
[13:08] Alyssa
"The Educational Circumstances
of the Mysterious Life-form."
[13:15] Alyssa
You want a familiar?
[13:17] Viola
Yeah. A cool one!
[13:21] Alyssa
That explains why she's been
so into summoning lately.
[13:25] Viola
So, Mama...
[13:29] Phoenix
Delicious.
[13:30] Viola
I can keep Phoenix, right?
[13:32] Alyssa
He's here again?!
[13:36] Alyssa
We can't take care of either
a phoenix or a dragon at home.
[13:40] Viola
Okay.
[13:41] Alyssa
Therefore...
[13:44] Alyssa
Instead of a fantasy beast, why don't
we get you something more standard?
[13:48] Alyssa
What do you think?
[13:51] Viola
I like fantasy beasts, 'cause they're cooler...
[13:54] Viola
Well, it's a little conventional,
but how about a cat?
[13:57] Alyssa
That could be great!
[13:59] Alyssa
I love cats!
[14:01] Alyssa
I had a bunch when I was a kid.
[14:06] Viola
No cats. I think they'd steal your love.
[14:09] Alyssa
The possessiveness of an only child...
[14:13] Alyssa
C'mon, let's get a cat! Cats are great!
[14:17] Alyssa
They're the traditional witch's familiar,
[14:19] Alyssa
and they're really popular
in the witching industry!
[14:22] Viola
No! You're already swooning at the idea!
[14:26] Alyssa
It's okay, I'm sure you'll fall in love, too!
[14:30] Alyssa
Cats are fluffy, and so cute!
[14:33] Viola
I know, but...
[14:35] Alyssa
I mean really fluffy!
[14:36] Alyssa
Fluffy, and fuzzy, and silky,
and soft, and warm!
[14:41] Alyssa
Squooshy, and soft, and just so fluffy,
[14:44] Alyssa
and they can stretch so
much, and... soft kitty!
[14:46] Alyssa
Soft kitty!
[14:47] Viola
You're scaring me.
[14:49] Viola
Look hard!
[14:50] Viola
I'm softer than they are!
[14:52] Alyssa
Ahem. Let's get back on topic.
[14:56] Alyssa
If we're going with classic familiars,
why not an owl or a crow?
[15:02] Alyssa
They're clever and cute.
[15:03] Viola
Don't wanna. Either would
probably steal your love.
[15:07] Alyssa
Her selection criteria have gotten weird.
[15:11] Alyssa
What are you doing?
[15:12] Viola
Look!
SIGN Strong
SIGN laser beams
from its sides
SIGN poops
a lot
SIGN creepy legs
[15:13] Viola
I'll pick a gross monster that
you would never dote over!
[15:18] Alyssa
Do you really want a familiar like that?!
[15:26] Alyssa
Listen, Viola...
[15:28] Alyssa
We won't find one with only a vague image,
[15:31] Alyssa
so let's think about it more specifically.
[15:34] Viola
Good point.
[15:36] Viola
Um...
[15:39] Viola
Okay, then...
SIGN Familiar
SIGN Familiar
[15:51] Viola
I want a familiar who's strong,
and big, and cool,
[15:53] Viola
and super flashy, who can shoot laser beams!
[15:58] Alyssa
Her taste is like a boy's.
[16:02] Alyssa
That's a little greedy,
[16:03] Alyssa
so could you narrow it down
to your must-haves?
SIGN Let's lower
the bar
[16:07] Narration
Let's lower the bar.
[16:09] Viola
Awww.
[16:13] Viola
Okay, then.
SIGN Familiar
[16:16] Viola
Go!
SIGN Familiar
[16:21] Viola
I'll take a familiar who
can shoot laser beams!
[16:23] Alyssa
That's the point I most
wanted you to compromise on!
[16:26] Viola
Say, do the aunties have familiars?
[16:30] Viola
I don't think I've ever seen them.
[16:31] Alyssa
They sure do! They've never
brought them here, though.
[16:35] Viola
What kind?
[16:36] Alyssa
Let's see...
[16:38] Alyssa
Giriko's...
[16:40] Alyssa
is a snake.
[16:42] Giriko
Peace.
[16:43] Viola
Oh, that suits her!
[16:45] Alyssa
And Luna's...
[16:50] Alyssa
Well, I guess you could say her
familiars... beg for the privilege...
[16:56] Viola
What? That's so cool!
[17:02] Viola
Come to think of it, you
don't have a familiar.
[17:06] Viola
Why not?
[17:08] Alyssa
Well, familiars are usually
for research or protection...
[17:13] Alyssa
Basically, you make a contract with one
when you want help with something.
[17:18] Alyssa
You help me with everything, so
I guess I don't need a familiar.
[17:24] Viola
Yes! I'll help!
[17:26] Viola
I'll make mincemeat out of any bad guys!
[17:29] Alyssa
I think I'd like all help to
be as humane as possible...
[17:35] Alyssa
More importantly, becoming
a living being's guardian
[17:38] Alyssa
is a lot of responsibility.
[17:43] Giriko
That's a lot of work.
Will you be able to do it alone?
[17:47] Luna
It's a big responsibility!
And it's not easy!
[17:54] Alyssa
So if you're going to get a familiar, Viola,
[17:57] Alyssa
think it over carefully.
SIGN The Next Day
[18:05] Viola
Mama?
[18:06] Alyssa
Coming!
[18:08] Alyssa
What is it?
[18:10] Viola
Um...
[18:12] Alyssa
What's that?
[18:14] Viola
A flower seedling.
[18:15] Alyssa
Um...
[18:17] Viola
I thought things over when
you asked me to yesterday.
[18:21] Viola
I was so happy I can do summon
magic that I got carried away.
[18:25] Viola
I was taking familiars too lightly.
[18:30] Viola
So I want to start by raising a plant.
[18:35] Alyssa
Viola...
[18:36] Viola
But I'm not taking plants
lightly either, I swear!
[18:39] Viola
I'll take care of it!
[18:41] Alyssa
Okay.
[18:42] Viola
I'll work extra hard to make up
for returning Papa to the soil so soon.
[18:47] Papa
Recycling...
[18:48] Alyssa
He was a golem, honey! You
couldn't have done anything else!
[18:51] Alyssa
But it's okay. I know you can do it
[18:55] Alyssa
because you thought it over for yourself.
[19:00] Alyssa
I'll support you, so if you need
to know anything, just ask.
[19:05] Viola
Okay!
[19:07] Alyssa
Great, shall we have tea?
[19:09] Viola
Yes, please!
[19:11] Phoenix
I see...
[19:15] Phoenix
So thou hast only summoned me for fun.
[19:18] Phoenix
Thy intent was never
to make me thy familiar.
[19:21] Phoenix
Well, that's fine.
[19:23] Phoenix
Over the eons, I have seen
mortals around the world
[19:27] Phoenix
change their minds like this...
[19:30] Narrator
And so they took responsibility
[19:32] Narrator
for a life that was strong, big, cool, flashy,
[19:37] Narrator
and probably able to shoot laser beams.
[19:52] Phoenix
So young.
[19:57] Viola
Well, it is still a seedling.
[20:00] Phoenix
Thou shouldst grow stronger
in order to protect thy contracted.
[20:04] Viola
Are we treating it as a familiar?
[20:08] Phoenix
Ah, thou undertakest waterfall training?
[20:11] Phoenix
Then so shall I!
[20:20] Phoenix
Nothing easier.
[20:22] Viola
You're a phoenix. What's the point
of competing with a seedling?
[20:26] Viola
She's still growing up, you know.
[20:30] Phoenix
Then watch closely, young seedling!
[20:33] Phoenix
Growth hath no end.
[20:35] Viola
Huh?!
[20:37] Viola
Wow...
[20:38] Viola
Your neck can stretch?
[20:40] Phoenix
If I want to, I can go quite far!
[20:49] Viola
Hey, that's enough. Come back down.
[20:52] Phoenix
Ah, 'tis my contracted.
I can still go further!
[20:55] Viola
No! It's kinda scary!
[21:00] Phoenix
Well? Thy senior is tall, is he not?
[21:03] Phoenix
But no need to panic.
[21:05] Phoenix
If thou workst diligently each day,
[21:08] Phoenix
thou shalt be as fine
a familiar as I one day!
[21:12] Viola
He's good at caretaking,
no matter what he says.
[21:21] Viola
Phoenix?!
[21:24] Viola
Oh no!
[21:26] Viola
Here!
[21:33] Phoenix
Ah, that's good.
[21:35] Viola
This isn't a sauna...
[21:37] Viola
Sheesh.
[21:39] Viola
I promise I understand how
strong you are now, Phoenix.
[21:44] Alyssa
I'm home!
[21:47] Viola
Welcome back, Mama!
[21:48] Alyssa
Sorry, I ran late shopping.
[21:52] Alyssa
I'll cook right aw—
[21:56] Viola
Mama!
[21:57] Phoenix
Art thou well, Mother?!
[22:04] Viola
What's wrong?
[22:09] Alyssa
He's like a cat!
SIGN Preview
[22:59] Alyssa
This is Alyssa.
[23:00] Viola
This is Viola.
[23:01] Alyssa
Ready, set...
[23:02] Alyssa/Viola
Next time, on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:05] Viola
The world is deeply moved by how
Mama puts her all into raising me!
[23:08] Alyssa
A helpful elfin boy we know visits!
[23:10] Viola
"The Commonplace Circumstances
of the Witch's Child-Rearing"!
[23:11] Alyssa
The Commonplace Circumstances
of the Witch's Child-Rearing
[23:11] Alyssa
The Romantic Circumstances
of the Little Brother Position
[23:12] Alyssa
"The Romantic Circumstances
of the Little Brother Position"!
[23:14] Viola
Mama, I'll go get ready at Auntie Lira's.
[23:17] Alyssa
What? "Get ready"?!
E2 - The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing/The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Viola
Hi, Auntie Lira!
[00:07] Lira
Oh, hello there.
[00:11] Lira
What are you looking for today?
[00:13] Lira
Poisonous herbs, please!
I need them to defeat the enemy.
[00:19] Lira
Who exactly are you battling?
SIGN The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing
[01:54] Viola
"The Commonplace Circumstances
of the Witch's Child-Rearing."
[02:01] Lira
Just one sec.
[02:03] Lira
I can't believe my little Viola
is old enough to shop alone now.
[02:11] Lira
No wonder I feel old!
[02:13] Viola
You say that all the time, Auntie.
[02:17] Lira
Of course I do.
[02:20] Lira
I remember it like it was only yesterday...
SIGN 16 Years Ago
[02:25] Narrator
Sixteen years ago...
[02:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
I waited there for a while, but no one came.
[02:38] (Flashback) Lira
When I find whoever abandoned
her, I'll break their skull!
SIGN Lira, Age 24
[02:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
Please calm down!
[02:46] (Flashback) Lira
Not a chance! You realize
she could have died?!
[02:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
Still, we don't know their circumstances.
[02:53] (Flashback) Lira
Fine, I'll decide which bones
to break based on their reasons.
[02:57] (Flashback) Alyssa
Please stop contemplating violence!
[03:04] (Flashback) Lira
Why are you taking her in?
[03:07] (Flashback) Lira
You could find her foster parents instead.
[03:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
Well, she has a lot of magic for a human,
[03:14] (Flashback) Alyssa
and she can't control it yet.
[03:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
Normally, witches and mages can
control their magic from birth.
[03:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
So I think teaching her to use her magic
[03:27] (Flashback) Alyssa
might be difficult even for
a witch, let alone a human.
[03:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
I wasn't normal either, so
I think I might be able to help her.
[03:45] (Flashback) Lira
All right. I'll lend a hand.
[03:48] (Flashback) Alyssa
You don't mind?!
[03:49] (Flashback) Lira
It's what you came to ask me, isn't it?
[03:52] (Flashback) Lira
I just had a son, after all.
[03:57] (Flashback) Lira
Leave the breast milk to me.
[03:59] (Flashback) Lira
This is exactly why I have two boobs.
[04:03] (Flashback) Alyssa
That's almost too reassuring.
[04:07] Lira
You used to latch on to these babies
so hard my husband was jealous.
[04:11] Lira
You were like a ravenous beast.
[04:14] Viola
Don't phrase it like that!
[04:22] Viola
Thank you!
[04:23] Viola
I really owe you a lot.
[04:28] Lira
Kids shouldn't worry about those things.
[04:31] Lira
Plus, Alyssa was more trouble than you were.
[04:35] Viola
Mama was?
[04:36] Lira
You bet.
[04:38] Lira
You know how she goes haring off in weird
directions when she overthinks things.
[04:42] Lira
She used to run in circles
about child-rearing, too.
[04:47] Lira
She even started researching
breast milk magic.
[04:51] Viola
You weren't kidding about trouble.
[04:54] (Flashback) Alyssa
It's no good... It's just not working!
[04:57] (Flashback) Viola
What's this for? I know
you're giving her enough milk!
[05:03] (Flashback) Viola
But these parenting books say
[05:05] (Flashback) Viola
if I don't breastfeed her,
I don't love her enough!
[05:10] (Flashback) Lira
Pompous bullshit!
[05:12] (Flashback) Alyssa
You did that barehanded?!
[05:13] (Flashback) Lira
Use this time to sing her a damn song
[05:16] (Flashback) Lira
and don't waste it on sketchy books!
[05:18] (Flashback) Lira
Her heart will keep beating and
her stomach will keep digesting
[05:22] (Flashback) Lira
whether you breastfeed her or not!
[05:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
Yes, ma'am!
[05:26] (Flashback) Lira
Tell me everything you're
worried about right now.
[05:29] (Flashback) Lira
I'll help.
[05:30] (Flashback) Lira
You'll make things worse
if you freak out again.
[05:34] (Flashback) Alyssa
Thank you very much.
[05:36] (Flashback) Alyssa
There is more, actually...
[05:38] (Flashback) Alyssa
On the magical control front,
[05:41] (Flashback) Alyssa
she summons things in her sleep.
[05:46] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm so worried it might
continue into adulthood.
[05:50] (Flashback) Lira
I see, she's bed-spelling.
SIGN Bed-spelling
[05:53] Narrator
Bed-spelling!
[05:54] (Flashback) Lira
These kinds of accidents stop as they grow,
[05:58] (Flashback) Lira
so you shouldn't sweat them too much now.
[06:00] (Flashback) Alyssa
Please don't compare magic to peeing!
[06:03] (Flashback) Lira
Does she cry at night? Are you okay?
[06:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
It varies, but on bad nights,
we can't sleep at all.
[06:10] (Flashback) Lira
It's basically like baby sleep-talking.
[06:14] (Flashback) Lira
Watch them for about a minute,
and they'll stop crying.
[06:17] Narrator
This varies by person.
SIGN This varies by person
[06:18] (Flashback) Alyssa
What?!
[06:22] (Flashback) Alyssa
I figured if she wouldn't
sleep we'd just stay up,
[06:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
but that ended in
a late-night broom joyride!
[06:28] (Flashback) Lira
You can be pretty bold sometimes.
[06:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
Let me see, what else...
[06:33] (Flashback) Alyssa
You know how babies are
stronger than they look?
SIGN Powerful
Grips
[06:37] Narrator
They have powerful grips!
SIGN Powerful
Kicks
[06:41] (Flashback) Narrator
And powerful kicks!
[06:44] (Flashback) Lira
Well, they don't know how to hold back.
[06:46] (Flashback) Alyssa
Viola, in particular, packs a lot of punch
[06:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
when her power-up magic activates.
[06:53] (Flashback) Lira
Wow, she's a little monster
in the literal sense.
[06:58] (Flashback) Lira
Maybe we're kindred spirits!
[07:00] (Flashback) Lira
My parents say I used to
wreck the house as a baby, too.
[07:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
That was your innate
physical strength, right?
[07:09] (Flashback) Lira
But doesn't all that keep your hands
too full for housekeeping?
[07:13] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm okay on that front.
[07:16] (Flashback) Alyssa
I can manage the simple stuff with magic.
[07:19] (Flashback) Lira
Wow, that's amazing.
[07:22] (Flashback) Alyssa
People who raise children
without magic are more amazing!
[07:26] (Flashback) Alyssa
You have it tougher doing
everything yourself, but me...
[07:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm a terrible person who takes
shortcuts with everything...
[07:36] (Flashback) Lira
Okay, stop right there.
[07:38] (Flashback) Lira
Taking shortcuts is the key to housekeeping.
[07:40] (Flashback) Lira
I've been known to eat wheat straight
from the bag to avoid cooking!
[07:45] (Flashback) Alyssa
Isn't that more than a shortcut?!
[07:47] Narrator
Do not try this at home.
SIGN Do not try this at home
[07:51] (Flashback) Lira
It's just not worth cooking
when my hubby's not home!
[07:55] (Flashback) Alyssa
You're amazing, Lira.
[07:58] (Flashback) Alyssa
Me, all I do is make mistakes.
[08:02] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm not a good mother.
[08:05] (Flashback) Lira
Don't be silly.
[08:08] (Flashback) Lira
Your attention to detail has saved me, too.
[08:14] (Flashback) Lira
Hmm... This is enough baby food, right?
[08:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
Most people can't eat that much!
[08:20] (Flashback) Lira
We don't know what's
a mistake until we do it.
[08:24] (Flashback) Lira
I understand worrying because
you care about your baby.
[08:28] (Flashback) Lira
But every family raises children differently.
[08:33] (Flashback) Lira
If your family keeps smiling together,
then you're doing it right.
[08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa
Lira...
[08:45] Viola
You'd just had your first baby then, right?
[08:50] Viola
How did you get such an air of authority?
[08:52] Lira
It's not important.
[08:56] Alyssa
Hello!
[08:57] Alyssa
Have you seen Viola?
[09:00] Viola
Mama!
[09:02] Viola
We were just talking about you.
[09:05] Alyssa
Oh? Nothing too bad, I hope!
[09:09] Viola
Nope! Wanna know?
[09:12] Alyssa
Yes!
[09:13] Viola
Hmm, should I tell you?
[09:13] Lira
Alyssa...
[09:14] Alyssa
Aw, come on, tell me!
[09:14] Lira
I don't think you got it wrong at all.
[09:16] Viola
I'll think about it.
[09:18] Alyssa
Why are you teasing me?
[09:20] Viola
I'll think about it.
[09:20] Lira
Watching you two makes me think
[09:23] Lira
I should try to get along
better with my son.
[09:26] Alyssa
He's just going through puberty.
[09:29] Alyssa
I haven't seen him lately. Is he doing well?
[09:32] Lira
Wait right here, I'll call him down.
[09:36] Lira
Hey, spoiled brat! Viola and her mom are here!
[09:40] Lira's Son
Shut up, hag! I just pulled
an all-nighter, so lemme sleep!
[09:50] Lira
How dare you speak to your mother that way?!
[09:52] Lira's Son
Don't barge into my room!
[09:54] Lira
Take that!
[09:56] Lira's Son
I'm sorry I talked back!
[09:59] Viola
I guess every family raises
children differently...
[10:18] Viola
Mama! I finished picking
the herbs over here!
[10:22] Alyssa
Okay, one minute!
[10:25] Alyssa
We've picked enough medicinals,
so next we'll do tea—
[10:28] Fennel
Alyssa!
[10:32] Alyssa
Fennel!
SIGN The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
[10:37] Fennel
"The Romantic Circumstances
of the Little Brother Position."
[10:42] Fennel
Is now a good time?
[10:43] Alyssa
Sure!
[10:45] Fennel
I came to buy this month's stock.
SIGN Fennel / Elfin merchant
SIGN Age 183
[10:51] Alyssa
Thank you for always coming all this way.
[10:55] Fennel
Oh, no. I look forward to
seeing you every month, Alyssa.
[11:05] Fennel
What are you burning, you jerk?!
[11:07] Viola
Poison.
[11:08] Fennel
Don't try to kill me the second I get here!
[11:14] Alyssa
I apologize for my daughter!
[11:16] Alyssa
Are you hurt?
[11:17] Fennel
Don't worry, Alyssa.
[11:20] Alyssa
Honestly! Why do you always bully Fennel?
[11:24] Alyssa
Apologize!
[11:26] Viola
He started it when we met.
SIGN Viola, Age 6
[11:29] Fennel
Nice to meet you.
[11:32] (Flashback) Fennel
You can think of me as your dad.
[11:40] Viola
I've hated your guts ever since.
[11:43] Fennel
You're taking your grudge too far.
[11:45] Viola
You make eyes at Mama! You're my enemy!
[11:49] Fennel
I-I-I do not make eyes, you dummy!
[11:52] Alyssa
He's right, you're being rude!
[11:54] Alyssa
There's never been anything like that
between me and Fennel!
[11:58] Alyssa
He's like my little brother!
[12:01] Fennel
Y-Yes, of course...
[12:07] Fennel
You brat!
[12:09] Alyssa
You were still just a child
when we first met.
SIGN 100 Years Ago
[12:13] Alyssa
You've grown so much. What fond memories!
[12:17] Fennel
You haven't aged a day, Alyssa.
[12:21] Viola
I've been with her since
I was a baby, of course.
[12:24] Fennel
Yeah, so what?
[12:26] Alyssa
I remember walking with you at night
because you were scared of monsters.
[12:30] Fennel
Please forget that!
[12:33] Viola
She changed my diapers.
[12:36] Fennel
What kind of competition is this?!
[12:38] Alyssa
Now, now. Shall we have some tea?
[12:42] Alyssa
Fennel, you go ahead and sit down.
[12:45] Fennel
Oh, you don't have to...
[12:53] Alyssa
Here, Viola, you take this out to him.
[12:56] Viola
Yes, Mama.
[13:00] Viola
Here you go.
[13:01] Fennel
What are you, an evil ramen cook?
[13:03] Alyssa
That's dirty! You know better!
[13:06] Alyssa
You're drinking that as punishment!
[13:08] Alyssa
And make Fennel a fresh cup!
[13:11] Viola
I'm sorry!
[13:12] Fennel
Ha, someone got yelled at.
[13:23] Fennel
No, wait—she planned all that in advance.
[13:27] Fennel
To prevent me from drinking
the tea Alyssa made!
[13:36] Alyssa
All right, here are this month's goods.
[13:40] Fennel
Thank you very much.
[13:43] Alyssa
It's a huge help that you
buy so much each month.
[13:47] Fennel
Really, you're helping me.
[13:50] Fennel
Your medicines and herbs are bestsellers!
[13:54] Viola
What about my specially
selected funky mandragoras?
[13:59] Fennel
It pains me to admit it,
but they're pretty popular.
[14:02] Phoenix
Wouldst thou like the precious
mud gems I polished?
[14:06] Narrator
They're just mud balls.
SIGN Just mud balls
[14:08] Fennel
W-Wait, who are you?!
[14:11] Viola
This is Phoenix. He's my familiar now.
[14:14] Fennel
Are you sure he's not
a doodle you materialized?
[14:17] Fennel
Don't trouble Alyssa by picking
up any more... weirdos...
[14:22] Fennel
Back off!
[14:23] Viola
Excuse me? I don't need you to tell me that.
[14:27] Viola
I even said goodbye to
Papa, like Mama told me to.
[14:33] Fennel
P-Papa?! Goodbye?! What?!
[14:38] Alyssa
A golem! She's talking about a golem!
[14:42] Fennel
Crap! It was a misunderstanding,
but I can't afford to feel relieved!
[14:47] Fennel
I have to get out of the
"little brother" position now,
[14:47] Alyssa
You liked him that much?
[14:49] Viola
Yeah.
[14:49] Fennel
or it really will be too late!
[14:52] Fennel
But declaring my love right now
is more than I can do.
[14:55] Fennel
I haven't spent a century
pining after her just for fun.
[14:58] Fennel
I need to start by getting
her to notice I'm a grown man.
[15:03] Fennel
I'm gonna do it!
[15:06] Fennel
I'm gonna say something so smooth,
she'll have to notice me!
[15:13] Fennel
Um... Um... Ummm...
[15:20] Fennel
A-Alyssa?
[15:22] Fennel
What would you do if my
hands turned into broccoli?
SIGN Forest Person
[15:26] Narrator
Forest person.
[15:28] Alyssa
Huh?!
[15:29] Alyssa
I would worry!
[15:31] Alyssa
A-Are you okay? Are you tired, maybe?!
[15:35] Fennel
No... This is not the way
I wanted her to notice me.
[15:41] Alyssa
I-I know! Let's get some
sugar in you. I'll go get cake!
[15:45] Fennel
Please don't trouble yourself!
[15:48] Viola
Hey, Fennel.
[15:50] Fennel
What do you want?
[15:51] Viola
Want me to tell you why
you haven't been erased yet?
[15:55] Fennel
That's a scary opener.
[15:57] Viola
It's because I trust you.
[16:01] Viola
I trust that you're too much
of a wimp to get anywhere!
[16:05] Fennel
How dare you mock me!
[16:06] Viola
But I can't led my guard down.
[16:08] Viola
I'm gonna keep interfering, so suck it up.
[16:11] Fennel
In your dreams, ninny.
[16:14] Fennel
You never learn, do you?
[16:16] Fennel
Poor you, always getting
in trouble with Alyssa.
[16:19] Fennel
Maybe you should get smarter
about your interference.
[16:22] Phoenix
Eternal Breath!
[16:26] Viola
From now on my cover will be
"accidents" while playing with Phoenix.
[16:30] Fennel
Great, thanks for explaining!
[16:33] Alyssa
All right, here are the cakes!
[16:37] Alyssa
What are you doing?!
[16:39] Phoenix
I bequeathed upon him a kiss of friendship.
[16:42] Alyssa
His entire head was in your mouth!
[16:44] Alyssa
Fennel, are you all right?
[16:48] Alyssa
The poor thing is
hyperventilating from shock!
[16:51] Viola
No, he's panting because he's on your lap!
[16:55] Viola
I'm sorry.
SIGN She got majorly scolded
[16:57] Narrator
She got majorly scolded.
[17:02] Alyssa
I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so sorry!
[17:05] Fennel
Really, it's all right. No need to bow.
[17:09] Fennel
We can't stop the mama's girl rampage.
[17:11] Fennel
Instead of trying to change her,
let's figure out how to coexist.
[17:14] Alyssa
Like she's a wild animal?!
[17:16] Fennel
Truly, though, please don't feel guilty.
[17:21] Fennel
I've known her since she was little.
[17:24] Fennel
I know it's her version of horseplay.
[17:29] Fennel
Th-The "dad" thing was a joke, but
I guess I do think of her as family...
[17:35] Fennel
I'm sorry, that's presumptuous, isn't it?
[17:38] Alyssa
No, not at all!
[17:43] Alyssa
Thank you for getting along with Viola.
[17:51] Alyssa
I hope you'll keep caring for her.
[17:58] Fennel
There's no way to compete
with her daughter, is there?!
[18:04] Alyssa
Fennel, come visit anytime,
even if it's not purchase day.
[18:08] Fennel
Sure...
[18:17] Viola
Next time I'll set magic traps.
[18:20] Phoenix
I approve of thine indefatigable spirit!
[18:36] Fennel
I'm so glad Alyssa was pleased.
[18:41] Fennel
Nothing makes a merchant happier.
[18:51] Fennel
Viola, what are you doing?
SIGN Catch or Be Caught
[19:01] Viola
You'll give it a try, right?
[19:05] Viola
Of course you will.
[19:15] Fennel
Huh?!
[19:19] Viola
You'll try jinn eel fishing, right?
[19:21] Fennel
Huh?
SIGN Jinn Eel Fishing
[19:24] Narrator
Jinn eel fishing!
[19:29] Viola
Here, your rod.
[19:31] Fennel
I'm not playing this shady game.
[19:34] Viola
Don't worry, there are no sharp hooks.
[19:37] Viola
When a jinn eel eats the bait,
it'll volunteer itself.
[19:43] Viola
Watch.
[19:47] Viola
If you catch three eels
in three minutes, you win.
[19:49] Fennel
I told you, I'm not doing it!
[19:53] Viola
The prize is a sweet secret photo.
[19:59] Fennel
Could it be of Alyssa?
[20:01] Fennel
All right! I'll pull up the whole lot of them!
[20:06] Viola
Ready...
[20:08] Viola
Start!
[20:21] Fennel
Huh? They're not eating the bait.
[20:28] Fennel
They're seriously teasing me!
[20:31] Viola
You're so bad at this. Gotta hold the rod up!
[20:34] Viola
Now jiggle it! No, downward!
[20:37] Fennel
Shut up, you're distracting me.
[20:43] Fennel
What the heck?
[20:44] Viola
It's the super-big chance!
[20:46] Viola
Gold! The gold is coming!
[20:48] Fennel
Gold? Don't tell me it's...
[20:56] Viola
Here it is! The golden jinn eel
is super-rare and lucky!
[21:00] Viola
You only need one to win!
[21:03] Fennel
You're on!
[21:05] Fennel
I'll catch it no matter what it takes,
and I'll get a photo of Alyssa!
[21:13] Fennel
Got it!
[21:15] Fennel
It's crazy strong.
[21:17] Fennel
I feel like I'm getting reeled in!
[21:25] Fennel
Take this!
[21:30] Fennel
Did you see that? I did it!
[21:36] Viola
Too bad. You got Phoenix!
[21:41] Fennel
Oi...
[21:44] Fennel
You jerks never intended to
let me catch one, did you?
[22:58] Alyssa
This is Alyssa.
SIGN Preview
[23:00] Viola
This is Viola.
[23:01] Alyssa
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:04] Viola
A Mama album? Lemme see,
lemme see, lemme see!
[23:06] Alyssa
Calm down, Viola! You have a fever!
[23:09] Viola
"The Reminiscing Circumstances
of the Witch-Girl Time Crew"!
[23:11] Alyssa
"The Sniffly Circumstances
of the Healthy Daughter"!
SIGN The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew
SIGN The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter
[23:15] Alyssa
I just told you to stay in bed!
E3 - The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew/The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Giriko
Hey.
[00:06] Luna
We came to visit!
[00:08] Alyssa
Luna, Giriko! You're early.
[00:12] Luna
I'm already picking up the lovely
scent of tea and baked goods!
[00:18] Alyssa
I got hold of some good cinnamon,
so I baked an apple pie.
[00:22] Alyssa
Come on in.
[00:25] Luna
Say, how much pie did you make?
[00:29] Luna
I brought my familiars today.
[00:32] Alyssa
Go home.
[00:34] Luna
Bondage Kern! He loves being tied up tight.
[00:38] Alyssa
Go home.
[00:40] Luna
Masochist Rubero! He loves pain.
[00:45] Alyssa
I'm begging you, go home!
[00:47] Luna
Shame Ross! He loves feeling ashamed.
[00:52] Alyssa
Are you listening to me?!
[00:53] Viola
Mama! Are the aunties here?
[00:57] Alyssa
This isn't appropriate for kids!
Bring them when Viola's not here!
[00:59] Alyssa
I'll give you pie to take home to them!
[01:02] Luna
Aw, you're so overprotective.
[01:04] Luna
All right, face left!
[01:08] Luna
Kennel.
[01:17] Giriko
I actually brought you a proper gift.
[01:20] Alyssa
Gift?
[01:21] Giriko
Ta-da.
[01:23] Alyssa
A book?
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew
[02:58] Alyssa/Viola
"The Reminiscing Circumstances
of the Witch-Girl Time Crew."
[03:02] Viola
A magical reminiscence book?
[03:04] Giriko
Basically, it's the witches'
version of a photo album.
[03:08] Giriko
When you input a bit of magic, it
displays the memory you're thinking of.
SIGN Magical Reminiscence Book
[03:12] Viola
Wow!
[03:14] Viola
But don't you have any regular photos left?
[03:17] Luna
There were no photos in the old days.
[03:20] Giriko
Modern conveniences are great.
SIGN Age
SIGN Age
[03:23] Viola
I see.
[03:25] Viola
Auntie, show me photos
of Mama when she was a kid!
[03:29] Luna
I figured you'd say that,
so I already set it up.
[03:33] Alyssa
What? Hey, wait!
[03:35] Luna
Here.
[03:40] Viola
First prize!
[03:41] Luna
In what?
[03:48] Viola
Oh my gosh. She's too cute.
[03:51] Viola
Didn't she get kidnapped constantly?
[03:54] Giriko
Are you imagining a lawless wilderness?
[03:56] Viola
She didn't get kidnapped?!
[03:58] Viola
But she was this cute. Was there
something wrong with her hometown?
[04:02] Giriko
No, and therefore she wasn't kidnapped.
[04:04] Viola
Oh, good point. It's best
if those things don't happen.
[04:08] Viola
But if I were her mom, I'd be so worried,
[04:12] Viola
I'd put thorns on her clothes.
[04:15] Giriko
She thinks like a hedgehog!
[04:18] Alyssa
Oh, Viola.
[04:20] Alyssa
You know that was my idea!
[04:24] Luna
Take responsibility
for the way you raised her.
[04:28] Viola
Auntie, auntie, I want to see more! More!
[04:30] Giriko
All right, it's on.
[04:32] Alyssa
Hey!
[04:35] Giriko
Here we are at around age 50...
[04:39] Giriko
And this is us around 150.
[04:41] Alyssa
She was so cute she stopped time!
[04:43] Giriko
Yes indeed.
[04:44] Alyssa
No, I didn't!
[04:46] Alyssa
Sheesh. Stop making it about me
and show her yours, too!
[04:49] Giriko
You got it. One sec.
[04:53] Viola
It's Auntie Luna!
[04:54] Viola
She's doing tarot. So cute!
[04:57] Luna
I come from a long line of fortune-tellers,
[05:01] Luna
so I studied it pretty hard from a young age.
[05:03] Viola
Wow.
[05:05] Luna
Fortune telling can guide people
who are feeling uneasy.
[05:09] Luna
It's a lovely kind of magic.
[05:12] Luna
I spoil poor darlings who can't make
it alone. I take care of everything.
[05:18] Viola
Wow.
[05:19] Alyssa
She's perverted.
[05:22] Viola
You were cute too, Auntie Giriko!
What are you doing in this one?
[05:26] Giriko
Crafting magic items.
[05:29] Giriko
Unlike Luna, I was all about me.
[05:34] Giriko
But hey, I ended up making a job out of it.
[05:39] Alyssa
What have you been crafting lately?
[05:42] Giriko
Sexy Triton's trumpets.
[05:44] Alyssa
What was your mental state
when you thought of that?
SIGN FwoooOOoh
[05:49] Alyssa
You don't need to actually trumpet!
[05:51] Giriko
By the way, check out Alyssa gardening.
[05:55] Viola
Is her cuteness making the flowers bloom?!
[05:57] Luna
No; water and fertilizer.
[05:59] Giriko
I suppose all of us really did
keep up our childhood hobbies
[06:03] Giriko
until they became our jobs, huh?
SIGN Item
Vendor
SIGN Fortune
Teller
SIGN Herbalist
[06:05] Alyssa
So we did.
[06:06] Luna
"You excel at what you enjoy," as they say.
[06:10] Viola
Your favorite hobby turning
into your job sounds awesome.
[06:13] Viola
When I grow up, I want a job involving moms.
[06:17] Alyssa
What would that be, exactly?
[06:19] Luna
There's nothing better than
having fun at work, I say.
[06:23] Luna
What do you like, besides Alyssa?
[06:25] Viola
Hmm... I like poultry!
[06:29] Phoenix
In other words, thou likest me?
[06:32] Luna
Phoenix, you're here too?
[06:34] Phoenix
As I recall,
[06:37] Phoenix
"work" is that mysterious activity
which ye mortals grudgingly engage in
[06:41] Phoenix
at the expense of the precious
little time your life spans grant ye.
[06:44] Luna
That's some serious bias.
[06:47] Giriko
Grudgingly or not, we have to
do it to put food on the table.
[06:51] Phoenix
If ye have no food,
[06:53] Phoenix
can ye not consume the energy
flowing through the natural world?
[06:56] Giriko
That immortal superiority pisses me off.
[06:58] Alyssa
He doesn't mean any offense!
He's good at heart!
[07:03] Viola
Phoenix, show me you
when you were young, too!
[07:07] Phoenix
Thou wouldst view cute me?
[07:11] Phoenix
This is me 500 years ago.
[07:15] Phoenix
This is me 200 years ago.
[07:17] Luna
Didn't we just do this bit?
[07:20] Phoenix
Birds of a feather.
[07:22] Alyssa
I-I suppose so...
[07:27] Viola
You three have been together
since you were little, huh?
[07:31] Alyssa
I'm small, and I wasn't physically strong,
[07:35] Alyssa
so they helped me out a lot.
[07:42] (Flashback) Alyssa
Luna! You shouldn't sit on people!
[07:45] (Flashback) Luna
He's not a person! He's a chair!
[07:52] (Flashback) Alyssa
Giriko! You shouldn't make dangerous stuff!
[07:55] (Flashback) Giriko
It's not dangerous.
It's my J-O-Lantern Mk II.
[07:59] Alyssa
Well, I babysat them, too...
[08:03] Giriko
Excuse me?
[08:04] Luna
How rude!
[08:07] Alyssa
But they helped me more.
[08:15] (Flashback) Boy
Crybaby!
[08:30] Alyssa
I can remember it all perfectly,
album or no album.
[08:36] Alyssa
I'm really glad you're my friends.
[08:41] Giriko
Well, thanks.
[08:42] Viola
Hey! No leaving me out to get
all lovey-dovey with each other!
[08:46] Alyssa
Whoops, sorry!
[08:47] Viola
Sheesh!
[08:48] Viola
Also, who are they? Friends I don't know?
[09:00] Luna
Oh, dear! I must have thought
about them for just a moment!
[09:06] Luna
Goodness gracious me!
[09:09] Alyssa
Behave yourselves!
[09:10] Luna
I'm sorry!
[09:11] Giriko
I didn't do anything!
[09:12] Alyssa
Get back here!
[09:27] Viola
No...
[09:30] Viola
It can't be...
[09:34] Viola
It's not true!
[09:35] Alyssa
Viola, calm down.
[09:36] Viola
I won't believe it!
[09:38] Viola
Never!
[09:41] Benny
It's a cold.
[09:43] Viola
Noooo!
SIGN For now, we'll give you three days' worth of medicinal powder.
SIGN Sheeta
Myconid Nurse
SIGN Benny
Myconid Doctor
[09:52] Alyssa
Thank you.
SIGN The Sniffly Circumstances
of the Healthy Daughter
[09:58] Viola
"The Sniffly Circumstances
of the Healthy Daughter."
[10:02] Viola
You're wrong. It's not a cold.
[10:06] Alyssa
You need to face it, honey.
[10:09] Phoenix
Wherefore is she so stubborn?
[10:11] Alyssa
Viola's always been full of energy,
and she's hardly ever been sick.
[10:17] Alyssa
So she's not used to
feeling under the weather,
[10:20] Alyssa
and she tries to just power through it.
[10:21] Viola
It's just my imagination!
[10:24] Phoenix
A little imp incarnate.
[10:26] Viola
They say illness starts in the mind, right?
Good spirits are good medicine!
[10:31] Phoenix
Thou shouldst not overestimate
the placebo effect.
[10:34] Alyssa
She also hates taking medicine,
so she tries to avoid it.
[10:38] Viola
Because it tastes terrible!
You hate it too, right, Phoenix?
[10:43] Phoenix
I know not. I have never been sick.
[10:47] Viola
Immortal superiority again!
[10:55] Viola
Fine. I'll admit that it's a cold.
[10:58] Alyssa
Next time admit it right away, okay?
[11:00] Viola
But I haven't lost yet.
[11:02] Alyssa
Lost to who?
[11:07] Viola
You told me when I was a kid
[11:10] Viola
that we get fevers when our
bodies fight the sickness.
SIGN Inside Viola's Body
SIGN Germ
[11:14] Germ Man
I am germ!
SIGN Immunity
[11:24] Immunity Viola
I'll take him down here and now!
[11:28] Immunity Violas
Yah!
[11:30] Viola
I won't let him touch Mama!
[11:32] Phoenix
I've never seen a human rouse
such a combative spirit over a cold.
[11:41] Alyssa
Don't thrash around anymore!
[11:46] Alyssa
Stay in bed today, okay?
[11:49] Alyssa
Is there anything I can do for you?
[11:52] Viola
Mmm...
[11:53] Viola
Summon Jack Frost for me...
SIGN Jack Frost
SIGN Spirit of Snow and Ice
[12:00] Alyssa
I'll bring you a cold pack.
[12:04] Alyssa
Can you eat?
[12:06] Alyssa
If there's anything you're hungry for,
I'll make it right away.
[12:09] Viola
I want chicken soup.
[12:14] Alyssa
I'll make it normally!
[12:19] Phoenix
But I am more nutritious.
[12:22] Chicken
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
[12:25] Alyssa
I appreciate the sentiment,
but don't compete with chickens!
[12:31] Alyssa
Okay, you take a nap while I make the soup.
[12:40] Phoenix
Slumber is vital for recovery.
[12:43] Viola
I know, but...
[12:46] Viola
I don't like to sleep when I've got a fever,
because it gives me weird dreams.
[12:53] Sausage
Dance, dance, dance, dance!
[12:56] Viola
And with my head all fuzzy, it's hard
to tell what's a dream and what's real.
[13:06] Alyssa
Viola?
[13:08] Viola
Those are always the times when my
magic goes berserk and manifests stuff,
[13:13] Viola
and then it's even harder to tell...
[13:16] Viola
That was when I was a kid, but...
[13:18] Narrator
Barbecue ingredients shining in rainbow
colors and playing push-and-shove!
[13:23] Phoenix
Unavoidable nightmares.
[13:31] Viola
I'm bored.
[13:34] Phoenix
I forbid thee from rising.
[13:36] Viola
I get it, but I'm bored!
I wanna get better now!
[13:41] Phoenix
Perhaps thou shouldst drink my lifeblood?
[13:43] Viola
That's ickier than medicine.
[13:46] Phoenix
What if I mix it with a food
of strong smell and taste?
SIGN Yogurt
[13:50] Viola
He's offering me his lifeblood
like it's normal medicine...
[13:59] Viola
It's coming.
[14:00] Phoenix
I have a bucket.
[14:02] Viola
I'm... gonna ex-spell...
[14:08] Narrator
Magical filtration failure!
[14:10] Narrator
This happens when an illness or incident
[14:12] Narrator
causes magic to circulate
improperly in the body.
[14:15] Narrator
Any unfiltered magical energy is converted
to mass and expelled through the mouth.
SIGN Sparkly and pretty
SIGN Makes a pleasant
sound coming out
[14:18] Narrator
Commonly known as "ex-spelling"!
[14:21] Narrator
It is not puking.
[14:22] Viola
I feel better.
[14:24] Phoenix
It presenteth no problems.
It disappeareth in minutes.
SIGN °It is
not puking
[14:28] Phoenix
It is both odorless and sanitary.
[14:30] Alyssa
I'm sorry, Violet! I forgot
we were out of chicken.
[14:34] Phoenix
Then I shall boil—
[14:36] Alyssa
I'll go buy some, plus
anything else we might need.
[14:40] Viola
No, Mama, don't go!
[14:42] Alyssa
I know you're feeling vulnerable,
but I'll be right back.
[14:46] Alyssa
Wait here with Phoen.
[14:48] Viola
You're too cute to go to town
on your own. You'll be kidnapped!
[14:53] Alyssa
You just worry about yourself.
[14:55] Viola
If you won't take me with you, take Papa!
[15:00] Papa
Hi!
[15:01] Alyssa
H-Hello there!
[15:03] Viola
No, I'm too worried! I'll come too!
[15:06] Alyssa
You know you can't do that!
[15:08] Papa
Oh my...
[15:11] Phoenix
I shall lure my contracted
into sleep with a lullaby.
[15:15] Phoenix
Thou canst go during her slumber.
[15:17] Viola
Lullaby? I'm not that much of a kid!
[15:28] Phoenix
Good night.
[15:29] Alyssa
That was safe, right?! Tell me it was safe!
[15:35] Lira
Viola has a cold?
[15:37] Lira
That's unusual.
[15:40] Lira
Here, I gave you some extra.
[15:41] Alyssa
Thank you very much.
[15:43] Alyssa
She hasn't been sick for so long,
this caught me off guard!
[15:46] Alyssa
I was the opposite as a kid.
I had colds all the time.
[15:51] Alyssa
So I definitely understand
how it feels from the other side.
[15:56] Lira
Good for you, using your
experience constructively!
[16:00] Lira
I've never been sick, so I'm hopeless—
I never know what sick people need.
[16:05] Alyssa
Never? Not even once?!
[16:08] Lira
Nope.
[16:10] Alyssa
Anyway, this made me realize all over again
[16:13] Alyssa
that all a parent needs is
for their child to stay healthy.
[16:18] Lira
Exactly. Easier said than
done sometimes, though.
[16:22] Lira
Don't forget to gargle and wash
your hands when you get home!
[16:26] Alyssa
Yes, ma'am.
[16:28] Lira
By the way...
[16:30] Lira
What's that healthy creature there?
[16:33] Alyssa
Good question.
[16:35] Lira
That's worrisome.
[16:38] (Flashback) Hooded woman
Please...
[16:42] (Flashback) Hooded woman
Only remember me.
[16:47] (Flashback) Hooded woman
Forget all about them...
[16:51] (Flashback) Hooded woman
...and hate only me.
[17:00] Alyssa
Sorry, did I wake you?
[17:02] Alyssa
Perfect timing, though.
I just finished the chicken soup.
[17:07] Alyssa
I'll bring you some.
[17:09] Viola
Mama, did I manifest any dreams?
[17:13] Alyssa
No, you didn't.
[17:16] Alyssa
Did you have a weird dream?
[17:20] Viola
I don't remember.
[17:27] Viola
Back to normal!
[17:29] Alyssa
Huh?! It's only been one day!
[17:31] Viola
I'm fit as a fiddle. Nothing wrong anywhere!
[17:35] Viola
I defeated all the germs,
so don't you worry, Mama.
[17:39] Alyssa
Thank you.
[17:40] Phoenix
Achoo!
[17:51] Viola
I'm sorry, Phoenix.
[17:53] Viola
Apparently, a witch's sickness
can affect her familiar.
[17:57] Alyssa
What would you like to eat, Phoen?
[18:00] Phoenix
Sake with raw egg.
[18:02] Narrator
Let's all take care to avoid
infection loops in our households.
SIGN 10 Years Ago
[18:19] (Flashback) Alyssa
Morning, Viola...
[18:23] (Flashback) Alyssa
What's wrong?
[18:24] (Flashback) Viola
I didn't do it.
[18:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
U-Uh...
[18:34] (Flashback) Viola
I didn't do it!
[18:38] (Flashback) Viola
I didn't bed-spell!
[18:48] (Flashback) Alyssa
Come on, don't cry. Mama's not angry.
[18:53] (Flashback) Alyssa
There, there.
[19:01] (Flashback) Alyssa
Viola, look...
[19:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
It's... a water spirit.
[19:11] (Flashback) Viola
Spirit?
[19:30] Alyssa
I wonder if it was attracted to Viola's magic.
[19:33] (Flashback) Viola
Mama!
[19:35] (Flashback) Alyssa
The spirit wants to make friends with you.
[19:45] (Flashback) Alyssa
Spirits are supernatural beings
that dwell within all things.
[19:51] (Flashback) Viola
"Super-nat'ral"?
[19:53] (Flashback) Alyssa
Sorry, that explanation
was too complicated, huh?
SIGN Spirits
[19:57] Narrator
Spirits!
[20:01] (Flashback) Alyssa
So, um, spirits aren't
really living creatures.
[20:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
Put simply, they're basically magic itself.
[20:09] (Flashback) Viola
"Magic isself"?
[20:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
There are spirits in lots of things,
[20:15] (Flashback) Alyssa
like the water we saw, and fire, and wind.
[20:18] (Flashback) Alyssa
But we don't usually get to see them,
so I think you were lucky, Viola.
[20:22] (Flashback) Viola
Wow, really?
[20:26] (Flashback) Viola
Umm...
[20:28] Narrator
Fairies!
SIGN Fairies
[20:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
Fairies are beings born from
the energy of the natural world.
[20:37] (Flashback) Alyssa
They're kind of like living creatures.
[20:39] (Flashback) Viola
Wow!
[20:46] (Flashback) Viola
Mama, are jinn eels fairies?
[20:49] (Flashback) Alyssa
Oh, well...
[20:51] (Flashback) Alyssa
Jinn eels are actually monsters.
[20:54] (Flashback) Viola
They are?!
[20:56] (Flashback) Alyssa
The word "jinn" means spirit,
[20:59] (Flashback) Alyssa
but our friends the eels were named that
because long ago they got mistaken for spirits.
[21:03] (Flashback) Alyssa
So we still call them jinn.
[21:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
But technically, they're monsters.
[21:09] (Flashback) Viola
Whoa, I didn't know they were monsters!
[21:19] (Flashback) Alyssa
Viola, it's about time to eat!
[21:21] (Flashback) Alyssa
Viola?
[21:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
Still reading that, eh?
[21:26] (Flashback) Viola
Mama!
[21:27] (Flashback) Alyssa
What is it?
[21:29] (Flashback) Viola
Myth-ick-al beasts look cool! I love them!
[21:34] (Flashback) Alyssa
Well, then, I hope you
get to meet one someday.
[21:38] (Flashback) Viola
Yeah! I wanna bring a bunch home!
[21:40] (Flashback) Alyssa
What?! That's not the best idea...
[21:42] (Flashback) Viola
They'll live with us!
[21:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
Mythical beasts are really big, though!
[21:46] (Flashback) Viola
Live with us!
SIGN Preview
[22:59] Viola
This is Viola!
[23:00] Alyssa
This is Alyssa!
[23:01] Alyssa
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:04] Alyssa
What? Viola made a new friend?!
[23:06] Viola
What? Mama! What is that egg?!
[23:09] Alyssa
"The Requesting Circumstances
of the Late-Blooming Orc"!
[23:12] Viola
"The Monitoring Circumstances
of the Egg and Big Sister"!
SIGN The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc
SIGN The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister
[23:14] Alyssa
So, what are they like?! Tell me!
[23:16] Viola
What's going on?! Tell me!
E4 - The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc/The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Glind
All right, full payment received.
SIGN Orc furniture maker
SIGN Glind
SIGN Age 21
[00:10] Fennel
Thanks for the great work, as always.
[00:14] Fennel
Sorry for the rush delivery request.
[00:17] Glind
I won't do it again.
[00:19] Fennel
Anything I can hook you up with
as a thank-you? I know all the vendors.
[00:25] Glind
There is one thing.
[00:30] Glind
I want a cute girlfriend.
[00:35] Fennel
Go for it. There's some papier-mâché
on the cabinet shelves.
[00:38] Glind
You want me to make one?!
[00:40] Fennel
Dang, this is fine work!
[00:42] Glind
That's no way to treat a friend!
[00:45] Glind
This is why girls don't like you,
you damn elfin virgin!
[00:47] Fennel
No one asked for your input,
you damn orc virgin!
[00:51] Glind
Please!
[00:52] Glind
Introduce me to a tall, strong-willed,
pretty, long-haired elf babe!
[00:58] Glind
Even we orcs want a girl
to mess us up once in a while!
[01:01] Fennel
Don't say stuff like that!
It makes me wanna hook you up less!
[01:05] Glind
Should you really say that to me?
[01:08] Glind
You owe me for helpin' you
set up business on my turf.
[01:15] Fennel
If you're okay with a non-elf,
I do know one girl that fits the bill.
[01:21] Glind
Yay!
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Requesting Circumstances of the Late-Blooming Orc
[02:55] Glind
"The Requesting Circumstances
of the Late-Blooming Orc."
[03:05] Fennel
So, this is Viola the witch.
[03:10] Glind
What a pleasure to meet you!
[03:14] Viola
Witch Kick!
[03:17] Fennel
That's a dumb attack name!
[03:21] Viola
Explain why you called me out of the blue
and introduced me to a man.
[03:25] Viola
I'd win any lawsuit over this.
[03:28] Fennel
Yes, Miss Viola.
[03:35] Fennel
I really am sorry! But you're
the only one I can go to with this.
[03:40] Fennel
All I'm asking is that you have tea with him!
[03:42] Viola
Meh, don't wanna.
[03:44] Fennel
Okay, then all I'm asking is for you
to shout "crawl back to the swamp,"
[03:48] Fennel
slap him in the face, and spit on him!
SIGN Get lost!
SIGN Get lost!
[03:53] Fennel
Yes, ma'am.
[03:53] Viola
That's less appealing!
[03:55] Fennel
He's my friend, and I owe him,
so I want to help him out.
[03:58] Fennel
Just a few minutes, okay?
[04:02] Viola
Well, he doesn't seem like a bad guy...
[04:08] Viola
Fine. If you can meet my
conditions, I'll talk with him.
[04:14] Fennel
Lay 'em on me!
[04:16] Viola
Say, "Please save my poor
stupid loser self, Viola."
[04:22] Fennel
P-Please save... my poor...
stupid... loser self... Viola!
[04:33] Viola
Of course.
[04:40] Waitress
One cream soda.
[04:43] Fennel
Okay, let's start over
with self-introductions.
[04:47] Glind
I'm Glind! I'm an orc!
[04:49] Viola
I'm Viola. I'm a witch.
[04:54] Glind
Fennel, you pulled it off.
She's really cute!
[04:58] Fennel
I did my part.
Whatever happens next is on you.
[05:02] Fennel
By the way, she may not look it,
but she's still 16.
[05:05] Fennel
Don't do anything creepy.
[05:09] Glind
I wouldn't do that no matter
how old she was.
[05:11] Fennel
Also, she may suddenly get violent.
[05:15] Fennel
If that happens, either flee at high speed
or surrender unconditionally.
[05:19] Glind
Wait, what?
[05:23] Viola
So, how did you two become friends?
[05:27] Fennel
I met him when I went
to buy furniture from him.
[05:31] Glind
We kind of hit it off,
so we've kept up the relationship.
[05:37] Fennel
It's been a pretty long time, huh?
[05:38] Viola
Then would you know Fennel's weaknesses?
[05:42] Fennel
Don't try to exploit our friendship.
[05:44] Glind
I'll sell you any information you may desire!
[05:48] Fennel
You backstabbing pig!
[05:52] Glind
I make furniture for a living.
I'm a pretty good general craftsman, too.
[05:57] Viola
That's so impressive!
I'm so clumsy, I'm jealous!
[06:03] Glind
No, wielding magic is more impressive!
[06:05] Glind
How do you do it?
[06:07] Viola
Most things work out if you throw
enough magical force at them.
[06:11] Glind
Is magic usually a muscle-brain thing?
[06:14] Fennel
I'm pretty sure it's just her.
[06:16] Viola
Shall I try demonstrating summoning magic?
[06:19] Viola
I can call up a monster
who loves to eat live elves.
[06:24] Fennel
Do not do that!
SIGN Live Food Lover
SIGN Live Food Lover
[06:30] Waitress
Here's your parfait.
[06:33] Viola
Thank you.
[06:34] Waitress
Enjoy.
[06:35] Glind
What's your type, by the way?
[06:38] Viola
That'd be Mama.
[06:40] Glind
Do you have a hobby?
[06:41] Viola
That'd be Mama.
[06:43] Glind
Uh, does she hate me?
[06:46] Fennel
What? Of course not.
[06:48] Glind
But she's not answering me seriously.
[06:51] Fennel
It's fine. She means every word.
[06:53] Glind
Is that really fine?!
[06:59] Viola
My mom is an herbalist,
so I help out with that.
[07:04] Viola
And sometimes the townsfolk
ask me to do magic for them.
[07:08] Viola
Finding lost things, minor fortune
telling, that kind of stuff.
[07:16] Viola
I was actually supposed to go
to the library with Mama today.
[07:20] Viola
But Fennel was so insistent
that Mama told me to do this for him.
[07:28] Viola
Isn't Mama kind?
[07:31] Viola
Unlike me.
[07:34] Viola
You haven't done anything wrong,
Glind, so don't worry about it.
[07:38] Viola
You haven't.
[07:40] Fennel
Do you understand, now, that
I risked my life to arrange this?
[07:44] Viola
Gotcha! I was just joking.
[07:48] Viola
Did I scare you?
[07:50] Fennel
Liar! I know you were serious!
[07:53] Viola
Was not!
[07:54] Viola
Obviously, I wouldn't have come here
if I had plans with Mama.
[07:57] Fennel
That part was the joke?!
[08:00] Viola
But don't get me wrong! I didn't mean
that I didn't want to meet you, Glind.
[08:04] Glind
It's all right. It's my fault
for asking so much.
[08:10] Glind
Viola, you're a kind, compassionate person.
[08:15] Fennel
Consider her attitude toward me
before you say that!
[08:18] Glind
She must be a wonderful mother,
if you respect her so much.
[08:22] Glind
I'd love to meet her one day.
[08:27] Fennel
You'd better not be after Alyssa.
[08:31] Viola
Get close to Mama
and I'll show you no mercy.
[08:33] Glind
What?!
[08:35] Glind
You've got it all wrong!
That's not my intent!
[08:37] Glind
I have no interest in her at all!
[08:39] Fennel
You've got no right to say that
when you've never even met her!
[08:42] Viola
Are you calling Mama unappealing?!
[08:44] Glind
What do you want from me?!
[08:47] Viola
But I like that you grasped what a wonderful
mother she is from so little information.
[08:51] Viola
You have good instincts.
[08:53] Glind
I think she just accepted me.
[08:55] Viola
You can come visit our house
if you promise never to flirt with her!
[09:00] Viola
You're my new friend, after all!
[09:02] Glind
Ba-dum.
[09:03] Viola
FYI, I don't mean, "let's start
with friendship."
[09:07] Viola
I mean, "this will never progress
beyond friendship."
[09:11] Glind
Thank you for not leaving me
false hope, I guess.
[09:16] Waitress
Here's your bill.
[09:18] Fennel
Right, thanks.
[09:20] Restaurant Staff
Thank you very much!
[09:25] Glind
Aw, she's not interested.
[09:28] Fennel
Don't give up on her.
It's not like there's zero hope.
[09:34] Fennel
I'm on your side, no matter what.
I'll support you.
[09:39] Glind
Fennel...
[09:41] Fennel
Plus, if she gets a lover, her
over-protectiveness for Alyssa might let up.
[09:45] Glind
So it's about you?!
[09:46] Glind
I don't want to be "supported"
out of self-interest!
[09:49] Fennel
Why not?! I'm saying let's help each
other out as two self-interested men!
[09:53] Glind
Don't get mad at me!
[09:55] Fennel
I'm telling you, it's fine.
She's got some big weak spots.
[09:59] Fennel
You can do this if you push it!
[10:01] Fennel
And if you two get together,
that'll be the perfect setup
[10:04] Fennel
for me to get closer to Alyssa
while she's lonely for her kid!
[10:08] Glind
Um...
[10:11] Viola
You left your wallet at the restaurant.
[10:25] Viola
I'm home!
[10:28] Alyssa
Welcome—hmm? Who is this?
[10:32] Viola
This is Glind. We made friends!
[10:36] Alyssa
Hello! I'm Alyssa, Viola's mother.
[10:41] Alyssa
Er...
[10:42] Glind
...won't defy...
[10:43] Glind
...defy...
[10:46] Glind
I will never defy your daughter, ma'am.
[10:50] Alyssa
What happened today?!
[10:51] Viola
Nothing, why?
[11:09] Alyssa
I'm home!
[11:11] Viola
Welcome back!
[11:13] Viola
You left so suddenly. What were you—
[11:16] Viola
Mama, what's that?
[11:19] Alyssa
Let me show you.
[11:23] Viola
You laid an egg, Mama?!
[11:25] Alyssa
Why would you think that?!
SIGN The Monitoring Circumstances of the Egg and Big Sister
[11:28] Viola
"The Monitoring Circumstances
of the Egg and Big Sister."
[11:32] Viola
I didn't know angels laid eggs.
[11:35] Alyssa
I'm hearing some scary things
from you, but they're wrong!
[11:39] Alyssa
This is a lizardkin egg!
[11:42] Viola
Lizardkin? Does it belong to
Guita and Malak from town?
[11:49] (Flashback) Gita
Sorry this is so last-minute!
[11:51] Alyssa
Yep, the hunter couple.
SIGN Lizardkin hunter
SIGN Guita Age 27
[11:54] Alyssa
A job came in that they need
to work together on,
[11:56] Alyssa
so they asked me to watch their egg.
SIGN Malak / Ditto / Age 31
[11:59] Viola
Sorry, Mama. The shock got me all confused.
[12:03] Alyssa
I didn't hatch from an egg, by the way.
[12:06] Viola
So you were born from a flower!
[12:10] Baby Alyssa
Goo goo!
[12:11] Alyssa
Are you still confused?!
[12:15] Alyssa
Anyway, do you want to
try holding the egg, Viola?
[12:19] Viola
Me?!
[12:20] Alyssa
Uh-huh!
[12:30] Alyssa
People who aren't used to babies
have a special sort of awkwardness...
[12:38] Viola
I can't! I'm afraid I'll drop it!
[12:40] Alyssa
It's scary when you're not used to it, huh?
[12:43] Viola
But I guess the baby's
protected inside the egg.
[12:47] Viola
I'd probably be even scareder
with a human baby.
[12:51] Alyssa
You're right, the egg
is pretty hard to break,
[12:53] Alyssa
but they still seem to worry.
[12:55] (Flashback) Gita
I'm terrified every day
[12:58] (Flashback) Gita
that I'll leave it somewhere,
or break it, or let it get kidnapped.
[13:03] (Flashback) Gita
I wish I could keep it inside me
until the baby's born, like a human.
[13:07] Narrator
Egg-rearing pressure!
SIGN Egg-rearing Pressure
[13:09] Viola
I guess it's rough for everyone...
[13:13] Viola
Oh, hey—do different eggs
have different markings?
[13:17] Alyssa
They vary, but eggs from the same parents
all have the same basic pattern.
[13:24] Alyssa
So apparently, affairs by female lizardkin
always get found out...
SIGN First
Child
SIGN First
Child
SIGN Second
Child
SIGN First
Child
SIGN Second
Child
[13:33] Viola
That's dark.
[13:44] Phoenix
Who is that egg-based creature?!
[13:48] Viola
I bet this is what the husband acts like.
[13:53] Phoenix
I see, a lizardkin child.
[13:57] Phoenix
If I touch it, I might invite calamity.
[14:01] Viola
Huh? Is there a legend about that?
[14:04] Phoenix
Nay. But I thought the parents would not like
[14:07] Phoenix
a stranger getting touchy with their baby.
[14:10] Viola
His reason was grounded in reality.
[14:13] Phoenix
As the big sister, thou shouldst care for it
with devotion enough for us both.
[14:19] Viola
Big sister?
[14:24] Viola
Say, Mama. Want me to change its diaper?
[14:27] Alyssa
But it's still in its shell.
[14:30] Viola
Then should we give it a bath?
[14:32] Alyssa
Guita said they don't bathe babies
while they're still in the shell.
[14:35] Viola
Oh...
[14:37] Alyssa
But the lizardkin village has a tradition
[14:40] Alyssa
of putting eggs in a special spring
and praying for their health.
SIGN Local Event
[14:46] Viola
Wow, that's kind of cute!
[14:49] Phoenix
It soundeth like egg-boiling.
[14:51] Alyssa
Hey!
[14:54] Alyssa
Look, Phoen, now Viola's on the defensive
because of your insensitive remark!
[15:00] Phoenix
The maternal instinct bareth its fangs.
[15:06] Alyssa
There aren't many things we can do
for an unhatched baby,
[15:08] Alyssa
since eggs don't need baths,
diapers, or feeding.
[15:12] Viola
Aw, I wanna do something for it!
[15:17] Alyssa
In that case, why not read it a story?
[15:21] Alyssa
Babies can hear outside sounds
even while they're still in eggs
[15:24] Alyssa
or in their moms' tummies!
[15:27] Viola
Then I'll explain the pictures
in your album to it!
[15:30] Viola
I'll soothe it with the cutest
thing in the world.
[15:33] Phoenix
I bid thee to select thy educational
materials by normal standards.
[15:37] Alyssa
Exactly! Let's do Viola's album instead!
[15:40] Phoenix
I bid thee learnest from
the mistakes of others.
[15:43] Phoenix
If sounds reach it,
perhaps my song would suit?
[15:47] Phoenix
I shall serenade it with
the warblings of the little birds.
[15:51] Alyssa
"Little"?
[15:52] Viola
Is that okay? There won't be a weird wave?
[15:56] Phoenix
Thou woundest me.
[15:57] Phoenix
My song bringeth serenity to all life,
regardless of species.
[16:03] Phoenix
It shall lead ye to peace of mind as well!
[16:08] Viola
I kind of want to hear that!
[16:12] Phoenix
The visual and auditory hallucinations
which beset listeners after the fifth minute
[16:15] Phoenix
are its only drawback.
[16:17] Viola
Then there is a wave!
[16:22] Alyssa
I'll hold it, so why don't
we just talk to it normally?
[16:26] Viola
Okay, I'll do that.
[16:28] Viola
Grow up big and strong!
[16:31] Viola
Specifically, around five meters!
[16:36] Alyssa
Your expectation is too high!
[16:38] Alyssa
I think we should avoid putting pressure
on the baby before it's even born.
[16:42] Viola
Good point. We want kids
to grow up free and independent.
[16:46] Viola
Either big or small is okay!
[16:49] Viola
Even not being a lizardkin is okay!
[16:53] Seaweed Baby
I wanna be seaweed!
[16:55] Alyssa
That's too much freedom!
[17:11] Gita
Thanks so much for today.
[17:13] Alyssa
Nonsense, it was my pleasure.
[17:16] Malak
A token of our thanks.
[17:18] Malak
It's an ostrich egg boiled
in a magma hot spring.
[17:20] Narrator
This is a gift associated with
the lizardkin village's baby blessing event.
[17:26] Narrator
It's a sort of dark joke which non-locals
aren't sure whether to laugh at or not.
[17:31] Narrator
It's tasty.
[17:33] Malak
You can do whatever you want with this egg.
[17:37] Alyssa
Th-Thank you.
[17:41] Gita
Did Viola help look after it, too?
[17:44] Alyssa
Yes, and so did Phoen!
[17:46] Malak
Who's "Phoen"?
[17:48] Phoenix
Thou calledst?
[17:51] Malak
What's with this giant bird?!
[17:52] Phoenix
Hmm? Me?
[17:52] Alyssa
Er, he's a phoenix. He's Viola's familiar.
[17:56] Gita
My, how impressive!
[17:59] Gita
Viola.
[18:02] Gita
Give it a hug goodbye.
[18:04] Viola
Huh?
[18:04] Viola
Oh, no, I haven't even held it!
I don't have experience, so I might drop it!
[18:10] Gita
Don't worry! No baby of ours is that fragile.
[18:14] Gita
Here.
[18:21] Alyssa
Wonderful! You're holding it really well.
[18:24] Gita
She's right. Keep being friends, all right?
[18:29] Viola
Okay!
[18:31] Viola
I'll support this baby even if
it turns into seaweed.
[18:36] Gita
Where did that come from?!
[18:48] Fennel
Alyssa invited me to eat with her.
My time has finally come!
[19:14] Fennel
So what is this, exactly?
[19:17] Viola
A friend-making club, maybe?
[19:19] Fennel
How old do you think I am?
[19:23] Fennel
Er, Viola... Are you by any chance
holding a grudge about the café date?
[19:29] Viola
Oh, no. I just thought
maybe you'd back off of Mama
[19:34] Viola
if you made some new friends.
[19:37] Fennel
You're totally holding a grudge!
[19:41] Viola
You brought me someone last time, right?
[19:44] Viola
So this time, I brought you someone.
[19:49] Fennel
Me?
[19:52] Fennel
Are you really introducing me
to one of your female friends?
[19:56] Fennel
No, Fennel! Alyssa is your one and only!
[20:02] Viola
This is Live Food Lover.
[20:06] Fennel
You are obviously holding a grudge!
[20:09] Fennel
Dammit, Viola!
[20:10] Fennel
More importantly, what are you
doing here? Stay away from me!
[20:15] Viola
Livie wants to get to know you better.
[20:17] Viola
Good for you, getting a love confession.
[20:20] Fennel
This is a different kind of love!
Specifically, the "favorite food" kind!
[20:25] Viola
That's not a nice thing to say.
[20:28] Viola
People who can't respond
to others' emotions with kindness
[20:31] Viola
are Mama's least favorite type.
[20:40] Fennel
Too scary!
[20:41] Fennel
Its name is threatening,
[20:43] Fennel
and I don't get the point
of a monster who only eats elves!
[20:47] Live Food Lover
Oh, but I love the morning dew
and the flowers' nectar, too.
[20:51] Fennel
You can talk?
[20:54] Fennel
H-Hey, stop!
[20:55] Fennel
Viola! Don't just watch, help me!
[20:58] Fennel
We're at the limit here!
[21:01] Viola
See you later!
[21:03] Viola
The third wheel will leave so
you two can have a good time.
[21:07] Fennel
W-Wait! Don't leave us alone!
[21:11] Fennel
Hey! Hey!
[21:20] Fennel
Um...
[21:22] Fennel
You like flowers' nectar, right?
[21:40] Fennel
Help me!
[21:42] Fennel
Help!
[21:44] Viola
Hmm... Maybe I went a little too far.
SIGN Preview
[22:59] Viola
This is Alyssa!
[23:00] Viola
This is Viola!
[23:01] Alyssa
Ready, go:
[23:02] Alyssa/Viola
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:05] Alyssa
Fennel tells us the secrets of his hometown.
[23:07] Viola
Yay! Potato-digging with Mama!
[23:10] Alyssa
"The Classified Circumstances
of the Elfin Forest"!
[23:11] Viola
"The Potato-Digging Circumstances
of Love and Legend"!
SIGN The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest
SIGN The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend
[23:14] Alyssa
Hey, Viola, what is that running thing?!
[23:16] Viola
That? Just a potato.
E5 - The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest / The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Fennel
Hi, I'm Fennel!
[00:05] Fennel
A strapping young elf of 183 years!
[00:08] Fennel
Why am I running like
a bat out of hell, you ask?
[00:11] Fennel
I'll tell you!
[00:13] Fennel
It's because I get to see
Alyssa without Viola there!
[00:21] Alyssa
Viola's out running errands.
[00:23] (Flashback) Fennel
Shoo-wa-ha-hallo?!?!
[00:25] Alyssa
Hmm? Jute mallow?
SIGN "Jute Mallow"
SIGN The King of Vegetables
[00:26] Narrator
Jute mallow, the king of vegetables!
[00:35] Fennel
Alyssa, it is I, your Fennel!
[00:43] Alyssa
Eat as many as you want.
[00:44] Glind
Thank you!
[00:49] Fennel
You homewrecker!
[00:54] Glind
No fair! I've done nothing!
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest
[02:29] Fennel
"The Classified Circumstances
of the Elfin Forest."
[02:37] Fennel
Sorry, I lost my cool.
[02:40] Fennel
Why are you here?
[02:41] Glind
To fix some furniture.
[02:43] Alyssa
You're fighting?
[02:44] Glind
Happens all the time.
[02:47] Fennel
Sorry to keep being mean, but
if you're done fixing, please go home.
[02:50] Fennel
Leave us alone together! You get it, right?
[02:54] Glind
No can do.
[02:55] Fennel
Why not?
[02:56] Glind
Viola asked me to get in your way.
[03:00] Fennel
She thinks of everything!
[03:01] Fennel
Don't just let her use you!
Have you no pride?!
[03:05] Glind
Excuse me?! I enjoy making
myself useful to girls!
[03:09] Alyssa
Boys are so energetic.
[03:13] Glind
Hanging out with you
ruins my image of elves.
[03:16] Fennel
Lay off!
[03:17] Alyssa
Do you like elves, Glind?
[03:20] Glind
Yes!
[03:21] Glind
Their mystical, willowy,
untouchable appearance is my ideal!
[03:26] Glind
I'd love a chance to visit
the elfin village just once.
[03:31] Fennel
It's just dirt and old people.
[03:33] Glind
How could you say that?!
[03:35] Fennel
You call us "mystical," but the reality is,
[03:37] Fennel
so few have seen our village because
it's so far out in the middle of nowhere.
[03:42] Fennel
Only one carriage comes
through there per day.
[03:45] Glind
You're killing me here.
[03:49] Fennel
Thanks to that, all the young people leave,
[03:52] Fennel
so almost half the population is
over 650 years old at this point.
[03:55] Glind
Too untouchable!
[03:57] Glind
No...
[03:59] Glind
I can't believe it's not a paradise of beautiful
elfin women as far as the eye can see!
[04:02] Fennel
Stop dreaming!
[04:04] Fennel
I mean, there are some young women, but
they're mostly moms who married young.
[04:08] Glind
Huh?
[04:10] Glind
You mean... it's an elfin MILF paradise?
[04:12] Fennel
Crap, I gave him a new dream.
[04:15] Alyssa
I-I think it's plenty mystical!
[04:18] Alyssa
Like the great tree in the middle
of the village! Isn't it wonderful?
[04:22] Glind
Now that's what I'm talking about!
[04:25] Alyssa
There's a sacred tree
called the Great Mana Tree
[04:28] Alyssa
that the elves have revered for ages.
[04:32] Alyssa
It's in a lovely place with such clean air
[04:34] Alyssa
that you feel like just
being there is purifying you.
[04:37] Glind
That sounds great.
[04:39] Fennel
Yeah, I like it there, too.
[04:42] Fennel
It's a date spot...
[04:44] Fennel
children's playground...
[04:46] Fennel
old-geezer hangout...
[04:48] Fennel
and tourist spot.
Basically, the only thing in town.
[04:51] Glind
That's your only place to have fun?!
[04:53] Glind
I take it you've visited the elves, Alyssa?
[04:57] Alyssa
Yep! I did a homestay there
for my magical studies.
[05:02] Alyssa
My parents were friends
with Fennel's older brother,
[05:05] Alyssa
so I stayed with them.
[05:07] Alyssa
That's when I got to know Fennel.
[05:11] Glind
Wait, you have a brother?
[05:14] Glind
What about sisters?!
[05:15] Fantasy Elfin Sister
I appreciate your kindness to my brother.
[05:18] Fennel
If I had any, I wouldn't tell you.
[05:20] Fennel
But I'll introduce you to my brother!
[05:22] Fennel
His hobby is weightlifting, and
his specialty is martial arts.
SIGN Burl Burl Burl
[05:25] Older Brother
Burly muscles!
[05:27] Glind
No! An elf would never do such things!
[05:31] Alyssa
Elves are usually good-looking, aren't they?
[05:34] Alyssa
Like you and your brother.
[05:36] Fennel
Y-You really think so?
[05:40] Glind
I bet they never poop.
[05:43] Fennel
Oh, they do.
[05:44] Fennel
They fart and poop by the bucketful.
[05:47] Fennel
Face reality.
[05:49] Glind
Don't say "bucketful"!
[05:51] Fennel
Okay, thimbleful.
[05:53] Glind
That doesn't help!
[05:57] Fennel
No, I'm sorry, we goofed around too much!
[06:00] Glind
I'm sorry! I'll die if you want!
[06:02] Glind
New topic: magic!
[06:04] Glind
What's elfin magic like?
[06:06] Alyssa
I suppose you could say it gets
the same results by a different process.
SIGN Witches
SIGN They use their innate magic.
[06:11] Alyssa
Witches use their innate magic,
SIGN Elves
They use
mana
SIGN (Natural
World
Energy)
[06:15] Alyssa
while elves use the energy of the
natural world, which is called "mana."
[06:20] Alyssa
Elves also have their own unique
culture and beliefs. It's interesting!
[06:23] Glind
Wow.
[06:25] Fennel
Geezers sometimes try to push their customs
and superstitions on you, so be careful.
[06:30] Glind
You stop talking!
[06:32] Fennel
They'll cook up weird liquids
they call "mana soup"
[06:35] Fennel
and try to feed them to you.
[06:37] (Flashback) Elfin Granny
Purification!
[06:39] (Flashback) Young Fennel
Don't want any!
[06:40] Glind
That does sound bad.
[06:41] Alyssa
Magic is great, but elves are most
famous for their archery, right?
[06:46] Glind
Yes! The archers are so
dignified and beautiful.
[06:49] Alyssa
I remember that your
aim was perfect, Fennel!
[06:53] Fennel
Aw, gee, it's really no big deal!
[06:56] Glind
Ugh.
[06:58] Fennel
We're so starved for entertainment,
we just shoot arrows all day!
[07:01] Glind
It's not a tradition of your race?!
[07:03] Fennel
I mean, as a race we do
tend to like archery...
[07:10] Fennel
...but mostly there's so little to do
that we naturally end up honing our aim.
[07:14] Male Elf
I'm over this.
[07:15] Female Elf
Me too.
[07:16] Glind
So it is tradition, in a sense?
[07:19] Glind
But why are you saying
that stuff?! It's just mean!
[07:22] Glind
It's like you're trying to crush my dreams!
[07:25] Fennel
What? No, I swear I'm not.
[07:27] Alyssa
Now, now. Fennel just got too
self-critical on his home's behalf.
[07:32] Alyssa
But it's rare to hear an elfin point of view,
[07:34] Alyssa
so I'm happy I got to.
[07:37] Glind
She's so kind...
[07:38] Fennel
I love her.
[07:39] Fennel
Sorry about that.
I do love my hometown, honestly.
[07:44] Fennel
It's just, hearing people gush about it
[07:46] Fennel
makes me want to bring up
its bad points, too.
[07:48] Fennel
What's that love-hate about?
[07:50] Fennel
It makes me mad when
outsiders badmouth it, though.
[07:54] Fennel
Maybe that's what loving your motherland is.
[07:57] Fennel
It's an "I'm the only one who
gets to insult her!" type of thing.
[08:00] Glind
She deserves fewer mixed signals.
[08:05] Alyssa
We can see different sides of a place
when we change perspectives, right?
[08:10] Glind
Mostly negative ones, in this case.
[08:12] Alyssa
We're all different, and we
all feel things differently.
[08:15] Alyssa
That's a good thing.
[08:17] Alyssa
Isn't it fun to make new
discoveries like this?
[08:21] Alyssa
Personally, I like the elfin village.
[08:27] Fennel
Hearing that makes me want to visit home.
[08:30] Glind
Fennel...
[08:31] Fennel
And so...
[08:34] Fennel
Will you return to my family's land with me?
[08:36] Glind
That's the thinnest justification
for that question!
[08:50] Viola
Did you just say you wanted
to return to the soil?
SIGN Home
[08:53] Narrator
Hometown Burial
SIGN Hometo
SIGN Hometown
SIGN Hometown
Burial
[08:55] Phoenix
Excessive contact detected.
[08:59] Phoenix
System entering Armed Mode!
[09:01] Fennel
When did you get here?!
[09:03] Alyssa
Stop it!
[09:07] Viola
Here.
[09:08] Viola
Your shopping and the change!
[09:10] Alyssa
Thank you.
[09:12] Fennel
This ending, again?
[09:14] Glind
I know I caused some of the
problem, but... cheer up, man.
[09:18] Fennel
No, wait!
[09:19] Fennel
I think we had a good vibe this time!
[09:22] Fennel
There were compliments!
She said the word "like"!
[09:25] Glind
About your village.
[09:26] Fennel
Yes! I made progress today!
[09:31] Narrator
Glind took a moment to muse
[09:33] Narrator
that changing perspectives
really can change how you feel.
[09:40] Viola
Let's go dig potatoes!
[09:42] Alyssa
Potato-digging?
[09:44] Alyssa
What brought this on?
[09:46] Alyssa
We got a letter from Uncle Pound.
[09:48] Viola
He says, "I grew a lot of sweet potatoes,
[09:50] Viola
so come get as many as you want."
[09:53] Alyssa
That's so generous!
[09:55] Alyssa
Sweet potatoes, eh?
[09:57] Alyssa
That sounds great!
[09:58] Alyssa
Let's go visit.
[09:59] Viola
This'll be fun!
SIGN The Potato-Digging Circumstances
of Love and Legend
[10:15] Pondo
"The Potato-Digging
Circumstances of Love and Legend."
[10:30] Viola
So we don't have to dig?
[10:32] Alyssa
There's a bigger issue!
[10:34] Pondo
Alyssa and Viola! I'm glad you came.
SIGN Lira's husband
SIGN Pound Age 40
[10:38] Alyssa
What is this?! How did this happen?!
[10:42] Pondo
I should've known you'd worry...
[10:44] Pondo
Can this be our secret? My wife
would be so angry if she found out.
[10:49] Alyssa
I take it your reasons are indefensible.
[10:54] Pondo
I was recently inspired in my gardening
hobby to try my hand at selective breeding.
[10:58] Pondo
But it didn't go well.
[11:02] Pondo
Then, one day...
[11:06] Giriko
Yes, I see why you're upset.
[11:15] Pondo
And then this happened.
[11:17] Alyssa
Giriko!
[11:21] Giriko
His potatoes did what now?
[11:23] Giriko
Also, I didn't know you knew him.
[11:25] Alyssa
What did you sell him?!
[11:27] Giriko
A fertilizer.
[11:29] Giriko
It's a masterpiece designed to
speed up the evolutionary process.
[11:31] Giriko
I based it on a mandragora fertilizer.
[11:32] Alyssa
No wonder their faces seemed familiar...
[11:35] Giriko
Sorry about that.
I'll take care of it right now.
[11:39] Pondo
No, that's all right.
[11:40] Alyssa
What?!
[11:42] Pondo
I haven't suffered any damages!
[11:44] Pondo
These babies are the best.
Sweet and delicious!
[11:48] Potato
Tater...
[11:50] Pondo
They multiply without my interference,
[11:53] Pondo
and they walk around on their own!
[11:55] Potatoes
Taterrrrr!
[11:55] Pondo
Although they do scream...
[11:57] Alyssa
Those are damages!
[11:58] Alyssa
Let's have her turn them back to normal!
[12:00] Viola
Yeah, this is dangerous!
[12:02] Pondo
Well, it is true that some
of them are tough to harvest.
[12:05] Pondo
Maybe they're a little boisterous.
[12:07] Alyssa
I'll go get Lira.
[12:08] Pondo
No, don't!
[12:10] Pondo
It's fine!
[12:12] Pondo
They're harmless things
[12:14] Pondo
like Spudcalibur, a potato
only the chosen can wield.
[12:17] Viola
You'll start a legend!
[12:19] Viola
Oh my gosh!
[12:21] Alyssa
Oh no, she loves this kind of thing!
[12:23] Viola
It's fine! It seems way more fun
than normal potato-digging!
[12:27] Alyssa
I have a bad feeling. Let me
look at the others, too.
[12:30] Pondo
Of course!
[12:32] Pondo
Look back there.
[12:35] Pondo
That's Potatoboros.
[12:37] Alyssa
Weirdness already!
[12:38] Pondo
Doesn't it remind you of ouroboros, the
serpent that symbolizes infinity and eternity?
[12:43] Viola
Yeah. Does that mean
the potato will live forever?
[12:48] Pondo
Nah, it just likes licking its tail.
[12:52] Alyssa
You were only talking
about appearances, huh?
[12:57] Viola
Anyone else notice a nice smell?
[12:59] Pondo
Maybe it's my perfume!
[13:01] Alyssa
Where does that confidence come from?
[13:05] Viola
It's coming from that!
[13:06] Alyssa
That's dangerous!
[13:08] Pondo
That one wants to make sure it
gets eaten as a roasted potato,
[13:11] Pondo
so it spontaneously combusts.
[13:13] Alyssa
We need water!
[13:14] Pondo
I named it Ifritter,
after the legendary ifrit.
[13:18] Alyssa
This is no time for puns!
[13:20] Pondo
Don't worry, those flames only burn Ifritter.
[13:23] Alyssa
Really?
[13:25] Viola
Mama, look over there.
[13:29] Alyssa
I already see the pun.
[13:33] Pondo
These are mertatoes.
[13:35] Alyssa
I knew you'd say that.
[13:37] Pondo
By the way, you can keep
cut potatoes from browning
[13:40] Pondo
by placing them in water.
[13:42] Viola
Wow.
[13:43] Alyssa
Don't use that as a teaching tool!
[13:50] Alyssa
Do you have any, er, safer types?
[13:54] Pondo
Safer, eh?
[13:56] Pondo
Well, then...
[14:01] Slimato
Gloop!
[14:03] Pondo
How about a Slimato?
[14:04] Alyssa
Yay, it's relatively normal!
[14:09] Pondo
I think its only flaw is
that when you unearth it,
[14:11] Pondo
it shapeshifts into something shocking.
[14:14] Alyssa
It's the most messed-up!
[14:18] Alyssa
I can't believe the first variety
we saw was the "normal" one...
[14:21] Viola
They're starting to seem cute.
[14:24] Pondo
Well! Now that I've introduced them all,
[14:26] Pondo
have fun potato-digging!
[14:28] Alyssa
No, I'm getting Giriko to turn them back.
[14:32] Pondo/Viola
What?!
[14:33] Alyssa
It's a no-brainer!
[14:34] Alyssa
Why would you think this is okay?!
They're nothing but problems!
[14:38] Pondo
How could you?! I've raised them this far!
[14:42] Pondo
My son is a teenager, and he pays
no attention to me these days...
[14:47] Pondo
These kids accepted my love
and gave it an outlet!
[14:51] Alyssa
So this is what happens
[14:54] Alyssa
when he turns to agriculture to
relieve his parenting burnout.
[14:58] Viola
Poor Uncle...
[15:02] Viola
I could never handle it if Mama
stopped paying attention to me!
[15:07] Alyssa
You're being overly sensitive!
[15:09] Viola
Let's let them be!
[15:11] Pondo
I beseech you for mercy.
[15:14] Alyssa
Am I the weird one here?!
[15:17] Lira
I've heard everything.
[15:20] Alyssa
Lira?
[15:21] Lira
You're the dumbest husband.
[15:23] Pondo
Wh-What are you doing here?
[15:25] Pondo
I thought you were out of town shopping.
[15:27] Lira
I came back early because
you've been acting weird.
[15:32] Lira
Not to mention...
[15:36] Lira
Isn't accepting your love my job?
[15:41] Pondo
I shall give it all to you!
[15:43] Alyssa
I don't even care anymore.
[15:47] Lira
And you accept my feelings, too.
[15:52] Lira
My pent-up feelings of wrath!
[15:55] Pondo
Spudcalibur?!
[15:58] Lira
I can feel power welling up inside me.
[16:01] Lira
I felt called to it somehow, so
I pulled it up on the way here.
[16:05] Alyssa
It chose you?!
[16:07] Lira
You do nothing but make messes.
[16:11] Lira
Therefore, I'm constantly cleaning up.
[16:16] Lira
Ever thought of that?!
[16:25] Viola
Auntie can't be cajoled.
[16:27] Alyssa
Unlike the potatoes.
[16:32] Giriko
Here I am!
[16:34] Narrator
Eventually the potatoes were
returned to normal by Giriko.
[16:44] Lira
Our apologies.
[16:46] Alyssa
It's all right.
[16:48] Narrator
Alyssa and Viola received some
potatoes, as was their original goal.
[16:53] Alyssa
Today's snack is sweet potato steak!
[16:56] Viola
Thank you.
[17:02] Phoenix
Roasted potato.
[17:05] Narrator
They ate a potato-based diet
for the next week, or so we are told.
[17:17] Alyssa
What is this?
[17:27] Alyssa
What's going on?!
[17:39] Narrator
Mandragoras! These are humanoid
plants used in magic and alchemy.
SIGN Mandragora
[17:44] Narrator
When unearthed, they unleash
a scream that drives listeners mad.
[17:49] Alyssa
A mandragora?
[17:51] Alyssa
I don't remember planting any over here...
[17:55] Viola
Don't talk, Mama.
[17:57] Alyssa
Viola? Did you—
[18:00] Viola
Get in the shed and I'll explain.
[18:02] Viola
Walk quietly.
[18:08] Viola
We should be safe for now.
[18:10] Alyssa
Viola, explain this!
[18:12] Viola
Um, they went a little wild...
[18:15] Alyssa
"Wild"?
[18:19] Alyssa
What's that?
[18:24] Spudhemoth
Tater!
[18:28] Alyssa
Potato hazard...
[18:30] Viola
No, please! Anything but that!
[18:34] Narrator
"Enlightenment."
SIGN Title: "Enlightenment"
[18:36] Narrator
"Shyness."
SIGN Title: "Shyness"
SIGN Title: "Fertility"
[18:39] Narrator
"Fertility."
SIGN Title: "Degradation"
[18:41] Narrator
"Degradation."
[18:45] Viola
Mandragoras with awesome
shapes are priceless!
[18:49] Alyssa
You're acting like those
are our top sellers.
[18:53] Alyssa
Wait, those look like Pound's potatoes...
[18:57] Alyssa
Why?
[18:59] Viola
The thing is...
[19:01] (Flashback) Giriko
I made some improvements to the fertilizer.
[19:05] (Flashback) Giriko
Can you test it on some mandragoras for me?
[19:08] (Flashback) Viola
Sure!
[19:10] (Flashback) Viola
Hmm... How much do I use?
[19:15] (Flashback) Viola
Well, more is better, right?
[19:18] (Flashback) Viola
Grow big and strong!
[19:24] Viola
And here we are.
[19:26] Alyssa
Giriko!
[19:32] Viola
No shouting! They respond to sound.
[19:35] Alyssa
What do we do?
[19:37] Viola
Let's let them keep fighting.
[19:39] Viola
We'll catch them right after the battle
ends, when their guard is down.
[19:42] Alyssa
Good idea.
[19:44] Viola
By the way, the bigger one is Spudhemoth.
SIGN Spudhemoth
SIGN Centater
[19:47] Viola
He grows by eating other potatoes.
[19:50] Viola
That's how Uncle Pound's field
didn't end up littered with tubers.
[19:55] Alyssa
Wait, he's a cannibal?
[20:02] Alyssa
He... doesn't eat humans, does he?
[20:04] Viola
I don't think so.
[20:06] Alyssa
Look me in the eye!
[20:09] Alyssa
Anyway, it looks like
the battle's almost over.
[20:13] Alyssa
If we only have Spudhemoth to deal
with, our magic should be enough.
[20:17] Viola
We'll see.
[20:20] Viola
That's Centater.
[20:22] Viola
It has the upper body of a potato
and the lower body of a horse.
[20:25] Viola
It runs so fast, even Auntie
Giriko had trouble catching it!
[20:30] Alyssa
Now what?! This battle could last forever!
[20:34] Viola
Oh, it'll end. Any moment now.
[20:44] Viola
After fighting with all
their might, they can tell.
[20:48] Viola
They know the next strike will be the last.
[20:51] Alyssa
We're talking about potatoes, right?
[21:01] Alyssa
Well? Who won?!
SIGN Superlative
[21:14] Viola
They combined!
SIGN Combination
SIGN Centahemoth
SIGN Centahemoth
[21:18] Alyssa
It seems stronger.
Doesn't it seem stronger?!
[21:28] Viola
Oh wow, too cool!
[21:31] Alyssa
Giriko, get over here! Now!
[21:34] Alyssa
Giriko turned them into normal potatoes
right away, so that was good, but...
[21:40] Viola
Phoenix!
[21:41] Viola
Are you interested in combining?
[21:44] Alyssa
Stop that!
[21:45] Narrator
Viola was obsessed with combining
for some time afterwards.
[22:58] Alyssa
This is Alyssa.
SIGN Preview
[22:59] Viola
This is Viola.
[23:00] Alyssa
Beckoned by a flower fairy,
Viola and I make a trip.
[23:04] Alyssa
We arrive at a garden
that has forgotten to bloom.
[23:06] Viola
A flower fairy?
[23:08] Alyssa
It's a rose-themed story
about people's emotions.
[23:11] Alyssa/Viola
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
SIGN The Assemblage Circumstances
of the Rose Garden
[23:13] Alyssa/Viola
"The Assemblage Circumstances
of the Rose Garden"!
[23:15] Alyssa
Look forward to it!
[23:16] Viola
Are we sure it's not a bu—
[23:18] Alyssa
Viola!
E6 - The Assemblage Circumstances of the Rose Garden
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
[00:10] Phoenix
Greetings, contracted.
[00:12] Viola
You startled me!
What's up?
[00:15] Phoenix
I encountered a visitor nearby,
so I have guided him here.
[00:20] Viola
A visitor?
[00:21] Phoenix
One who claims to have an urgent
request of thee and thy mother.
[00:25] Phoenix
Come forth, visitor.
[00:38] Hip
Hello, I'm—
SIGN The Assemblage Circumstances of the Rose Garden
[00:42] Alyssa/Viola
"The Assemblage Circumstances
of the Rose Garden."
[00:47] Viola
Mama! Mama!
[00:50] Viola
Mama!
[00:52] Viola
A butt talked to me!
[00:54] Alyssa
My daughter's gone crazy!
[00:57] Viola
I'm telling the truth! Look.
[01:00] Hip
How rude! I am a respectable—
[01:03] Alyssa
A fairy?
[01:04] Viola
What? You're kidding!
[01:05] Viola
I thought fairies were... more, um...
[01:10] Fairy
I'm a fairy! Sparkle!
[01:13] Alyssa
It's true that most people
imagine them that way.
[01:16] Alyssa
But their appearances differ
based on where they were born
[01:18] Alyssa
and the environment around them,
[01:21] Alyssa
so it's not unusual for them
to take non-human shapes.
[01:24] Viola
Okay, but a clearly butt-shaped one?!
[01:31] Alyssa
Er...
[01:32] Alyssa
I apologize for my daughter's rudeness.
[01:35] Alyssa
May I ask your name?
[01:38] Hip
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
I am the Rosehip Fairy.
[01:41] Hip
Please, call me by my nickname "Hip"!
[01:44] Viola
See? Hips are butt-adjacent!
[01:45] Alyssa
Shhh!
[01:46] Viola
So, Hip, what brings you here?
[01:51] Hip
I'm sorry to trouble you with
a request out of the blue, but...
[01:57] Hip
I'd like you to stop my brother.
[02:03] Anna
Welcome, I've been expecting you.
[02:06] Anna
My name is Anna Fiatoio.
SIGN Anna Fiatoio
SIGN Fiatoio Family Heiress
[02:11] Alyssa
Good afternoon.
[02:12] Viola
Hello.
[02:15] Anna
I'm so moved to meet
a real witch of the forest!
[02:18] Viola
Uh...
[02:19] Alyssa
Over here! I'm the witch!
[02:23] Anna
I'm so sorry! I didn't expect you
to be so sma—er, young.
[02:28] Alyssa
Oh, I'm used to it...
[02:31] Anna
But let me ask you, how did you find out...
[02:39] Anna
...that the flowers in our garden
have stopped blooming?
[02:45] Viola
There really isn't a single bloom.
[02:47] Anna
I've done everything I can think of,
but I just don't know what's causing it.
[02:53] Anna
It was so heartening to receive
a witch's request to investigate!
[02:59] Anna
Would a gold bar be
a sufficient token of thanks?
[03:02] Alyssa
So, no pressure here...
[03:04] Alyssa
Well, first let me just take
a look at the garden.
[03:07] Alyssa
Let's talk after that.
[03:09] Anna
Oh, I see.
[03:11] Anna
Please go ahead, then.
[03:13] Anna
I'll make you some tea!
[03:16] Viola
Thanks!
[03:18] Hip
Ladies!
[03:21] Hip
Thank you for coming.
[03:23] Viola
Hello, Hip!
[03:24] Viola
Hey, so is this what you
were saying your brother did?
[03:29] Hip
Yes. I wasn't able to stop him.
[03:38] Hip
Brother! It's the witch and her daughter!
[03:42] Hip
Come out and speak to them!
[04:02] Viola
More of them!
[04:03] Alyssa
Viola!
[04:04] Sweet Cheeks
You stand before the ruler of this
garden: the Meadowsweet Fairy!
[04:09] Sweet Cheeks
To express your awe, you may
call me Sweet Cheeks!
[04:12] Viola
I told you those were butts.
[04:14] Alyssa
Shhh!
[04:14] Sweet Cheeks
Hip...
[04:16] Hip
Brother...
[04:18] Sweet Cheeks
Why did you bring outsiders
here, you brat!
[04:27] Hip
I did it because you won't listen
to me, you blockhead!
[04:33] Sweet Cheeks
I refuse to pay attention to your nonsense!
[04:41] Alyssa
What a sight.
[04:42] Viola
Brothers butting heads...
[04:45] Alyssa
Um, Mr. Sweet Cheeks?
We heard about the situation from Hip.
[04:50] Viola
Shouldn't we all calm down a little?
[04:54] Sweet Cheeks
You know nothing, so stay out of it!
[04:56] Sweet Cheeks
I don't know what Hip told you,
but this is all for Anna's sake.
[05:01] Viola
How so? Anna wants flowers!
[05:04] Sweet Cheeks
Silence!
[05:05] Sweet Cheeks
You just watch and see.
[05:07] Viola
Watch what?
[05:10] Anna
Here's your tea!
[05:12] Anna
I apologize for the wait.
[05:15] Anna
My fiancé is visiting.
[05:17] Torino
Yo!
[05:20] Anna
Allow me to introduce my
fiancé, Torino Ombrello.
[05:24] Torino
Whassup, bros?
[05:27] Anna
We plan to move to his family's
hometown after we're married.
[05:32] Torino
But Anna's, like, too worried
about the garden to leave yet!
[05:37] Torino
That's the sitch. So you witches
fix it up quick, yeah?
[05:42] Torino
Please and thank you!
[05:50] Anna
A durian came flying out of nowhere!
[05:53] Alyssa
Um! We're still investigating,
so you two please wait inside!
[05:58] Anna
Are you all right?
[05:59] Torino
Totes okay!
[06:01] Torino
Isn't this gushing wild?
[06:03] Sweet Cheeks
Now you see.
[06:05] Sweet Cheeks
I am holding this garden hostage
to stop Anna's marriage!
[06:12] Alyssa
He sure is defensive.
[06:14] Hip
My brother has watched over
Anna since she was a baby,
[06:19] Hip
so he feels paternal toward her.
[06:21] Viola
So it's the "You can't
have my daughter" thing.
[06:24] Sweet Cheeks
He's clearly a beast who only
wants her for her money!
[06:28] Sweet Cheeks
I have to protect her!
[06:30] Alyssa
We shouldn't judge people
by their appearances.
[06:33] Sweet Cheeks
Excuse me?
[06:34] Sweet Cheeks
What would you do if your daughter
brought someone like that home?!
[06:37] Viola
I'd crush him.
[06:38] Sweet Cheeks
Why is the daughter the one who gets me?!
[06:41] Viola
So basically, if we get them to
break up, the problem's solved?
[06:46] Sweet Cheeks
Correct.
[06:46] Alyssa
That'd create another problem!
[06:48] Sweet Cheeks
Quiet, you!
[06:51] Hip
I'm sorry.
[06:53] Hip
I thought a witch with a child of her own
[06:56] Hip
might be able to reason with him,
parent to parent...
[07:01] Alyssa
Well, I do understand how he feels.
[07:04] Alyssa
Of course he's worried.
[07:07] Viola
Say, how about we investigate him?
[07:11] Viola
Let's find out what sort of man he is,
then decide what to do.
[07:14] Alyssa
Yeah, I think that's our only option.
[07:17] Sweet Cheeks
I'll settle this as soon as you get the proof!
[07:20] Sweet Cheeks
I'll paint this garden red with his blood.
[07:24] Alyssa
Let's not assume he's a villain
before we even start!
[07:29] Viola
We'll use Mirror Snooping to check his private life.
[07:33] Hip
Is that possible?
[07:35] Viola
Yeah, but it's not ethical.
[07:38] Viola
Plus, we'll need a part
of his body to do the spell.
[07:41] Hip
Part of his body?
[07:43] Sweet Cheeks
Hey.
[07:44] Sweet Cheeks
Would the blood left on the durian work?
[07:47] Viola
It would, though I'm less enthused now...
[07:56] Hip
This is it?
[07:59] Alyssa
Isn't my daughter's magic amazing?
[08:03] Sweet Cheeks
You're the witch here, right?
[08:05] Viola
Okay, let's look at something
from a few days ago.
[08:08] Sweet Cheeks
Footage of him cheating, please.
[08:09] Hip
Brother!
[08:11] Torino
Hey, babe! You here alone?
[08:14] Alyssa
No way, you really found him cheating?!
[08:16] Sweet Cheeks
I was right!
[08:19] Torino
These look heavy.
I'll help you get 'em home!
[08:22] Old Lady
My goodness! Thank you, dear.
[08:27] Torino
Uh-oh! Are you, like, lost?
[08:30] Torino
No worries, I got this!
I'll find your parents right now!
[08:35] Butler
Young master, I'd like to speak
to you about tomorrow's dinner...
[08:38] Torino
Hang tight. Gotta negotiate a deal,
but then I'm all yours!
[08:43] Friend A
Torino! What base are you on with your girl?
[08:46] Torino
Whoa there! I wouldn't ask her to
give it up before the wedding, obvs!
[08:50] Friend B
You're like, so pure!
[08:52] Torino
Bros, Anna's had it rough.
[08:53] Torino
Her daddy died when she was a kid,
and she and her mama had to go it alone.
[08:58] Torino
So I'm gonna be her knight in shining armor!
[09:02] Friends A & B
Dude, mad respect!
[09:06] Alyssa
So as we saw...
[09:08] Alyssa
He's a shockingly good person!
[09:10] Alyssa
Sir, we're sorry we judged you
by appearances!
[09:13] Viola
Stop acting like a bouncy ball.
[09:15] Viola
He's inheriting a family business,
he's a good person,
[09:18] Viola
and he's devoted to his girlfriend.
[09:20] Viola
I see no reason to object.
[09:22] Hip
Agreed. What a relief!
[09:24] Hip
I'm sure my brother will—
[09:26] Sweet Cheeks
I'm not satisfied yet!
[09:27] Sweet Cheeks
He might be a human
trafficker on his days off!
[09:30] Torino
Lemme go sell a few people real quick!
[09:33] Alyssa
That would be a huge problem!
[09:35] Hip
Brother, isn't this enough?
If you keep going, it'll just be selfish.
[09:39] Sweet Cheeks
What?
[09:40] Viola
What's Sweet Cheeks's beef with him?
[09:42] Alyssa
He doesn't have one. He'll just miss her.
[09:45] Viola
Miss her?
[09:46] Alyssa
I think that's just what it's like
when your daughter gets married,
[09:50] Alyssa
no matter how wonderful her partner is.
[09:53] Alyssa
I have you, so I can
understand how he feels.
[09:57] Viola
And I can understand how he feels
because I have you, Mama!
[10:00] Viola
Don't leave me!
[10:01] Alyssa
You understand, huh?
[10:03] Viola
But anyway!
[10:04] Viola
If Anna's really that important to you,
tell her so in words!
[10:09] Viola
Things are only complicated because
you're taking this weird indirect route.
[10:13] Viola
Why won't you talk to her directly?
[10:20] Alyssa
Viola, that's—
[10:22] Anna
Hello, everyone!
[10:23] Anna
How is it going?
[10:26] Viola
Perfect timing!
[10:28] Sweet Cheeks
Hey, stop!
[10:30] Viola
Anna, this lil guy is—
[10:32] Alyssa
Viola!
[10:33] Viola
Here.
[10:38] Anna
So, what have you two been
talking about out here?
[10:45] Viola
Huh? "Two"?
[10:48] Hip
I guess you didn't know.
[10:50] Hip
Anna can't see us fairies.
[11:04] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
What are you doing, Anna?
[11:07] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Are you already old enough
to come out here on your own?
[11:10] (Flashback) Giovanni
Anna, where are you?
[11:12] (Flashback) Giovanni
Anna!
[11:15] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
I guess not.
[11:18] (Flashback) Giovanni
You were out here, eh? I was worried.
[11:21] (Flashback) Young Anna
I looked at the flowers!
[11:23] (Flashback) Giovanni
I understand, but you mustn't
go outside all by yourself.
[11:26] (Flashback) Young Anna
Okay!
[11:28] (Flashback) Giovanni
Anna, you're here alone again...
[11:31] (Flashback) Young Anna
Father!
[11:33] (Flashback) Giovanni
What is it, Anna?
[11:34] (Flashback) Young Anna
This way, Father!
[11:37] (Flashback) Giovanni
Shall we prune them soon, Anna?
[11:40] (Flashback) Young Anna
Can we really?!
[11:42] (Flashback) Giovanni
Yes. I'm happy about it, too.
[11:53] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Giovanni's health was never good.
[11:57] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
I didn't think he'd go so soon, though...
[12:02] (Flashback) Young Anna
Father...
[12:05] (Flashback) Young Anna
Father!
[12:27] Hip
Humans without magic can't see fairies,
[12:31] Hip
so Anna doesn't know about us.
[12:35] Hip
I kept my distance from her,
because that made me sad.
[12:39] Hip
But my brother...
[12:43] Viola
I can't believe how insensitive I was!
[12:46] Hip
Please don't cry!
[12:48] Sweet Cheeks
I've had enough of this fuss!
[12:51] Sweet Cheeks
My fears were groundless.
[12:54] Sweet Cheeks
I'll restore the roses in the garden.
That'll be the end of it.
[12:58] Sweet Cheeks
Now go home.
[13:00] Viola
U-Um, that's...
[13:04] Viola
I mean, just doing that is... um...
[13:07] Viola
It's not good!
[13:09] Sweet Cheeks
Organize your thoughts before you speak!
[13:13] Anna
U-Um...
[13:16] Anna
Why is Viola wailing to herself?
[13:18] Alyssa
She's conversing! With nature!
[13:20] Alyssa
Anyway, I think we're done for today!
[13:26] Viola
So, yeah.
[13:28] Viola
We're back!
[13:29] Sweet Cheeks
They're back, and there's more of them!
[13:32] Sweet Cheeks
I told you I'd restore the roses!
Your job here is done!
[13:36] Alyssa
I know. Today we're just meddling.
[13:39] Alyssa
Can I ask you to join us for a bit?
[13:43] Sweet Cheeks
Do what you want.
[13:44] Phoenix
Fear not, tiny life form.
[13:47] Sweet Cheeks
And what the hell is this?!
[13:49] Viola
A phoenix.
[13:50] Phoenix
I must say...
[13:51] Sweet Cheeks
What?!
[13:52] Phoenix
'Tis quite unusual for an artificial
garden to produce fairies.
[13:57] Viola
It is?
[13:59] Alyssa
Most fairies are born from unsullied nature
[14:01] Alyssa
that hasn't been interfered with by people.
[14:04] Alyssa
It's partly an issue of compatibility
with the land and flora.
[14:07] Alyssa
But the most important thing
is depth of emotion.
[14:11] Alyssa
Fairies being born here shows that
someone truly treasured this place.
[14:17] Viola
Wow.
[14:18] Phoenix
Indeed. And that person was...
[14:22] Phoenix
...a fan of buttocks, it seems.
[14:26] Alyssa
Let's not bring up that topic!
[14:28] Sweet Cheeks
By the way...
[14:29] Sweet Cheeks
Anna is the type who swoons over collarbones.
[14:31] Torino
Collarbone!
[14:32] Anna
Swoon!
[14:32] Alyssa
Please don't reveal people's preferences!
[14:36] Alyssa
Let's get back to why we're here.
[14:38] Alyssa
There are actually a lot of ways
to make fairies visible.
[14:41] Alyssa
Like spells or magical items.
[14:43] Hip
Really?!
[14:44] Phoenix
However, consent must be obtained
from the human observer.
[14:49] Alyssa
Which means the first order of business
is to explain things to Anna.
[14:53] Hip
Isn't this great, Brother?
[14:56] Viola
Let's go see her!
[14:58] Hip
Brother?
[14:59] Sweet Cheeks
It's nothing.
[15:03] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Hey! Wait!
[15:06] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
You're too young to prune.
Leave it to the adults!
[15:13] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Go hydrate! Your health
is fragile too, you know!
[15:18] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
No! No mint!
[15:20] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Anything but mint!
[15:26] (Flashback) Hip
Even if she can't hear you,
you shouldn't yell at her so much.
[15:29] (Flashback) Hip
She is trying to help the roses.
[15:31] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
How can I not?! She's constantly
endangering herself!
[15:33] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Look! She fell asleep
reading a book in the garden!
[15:37] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
What if some criminal broke in?
[15:39] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
She'd get kidnapped!
[15:40] (Flashback) Hip
Good point... And after all,
we can't call for help if she needs it.
[15:44] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
Not to mention, the sun is so bright today.
[15:48] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
I'll concentrate the leaves here
to create more shade.
[15:59] (Flashback) Sweet Cheeks
It's enough.
[16:03] Anna
You're asking if I sense
anything in the garden?
[16:06] Alyssa
Yes. Even the tiniest detail
could be important.
[16:08] Sweet Cheeks
Hey! Hey!
[16:10] Sweet Cheeks
Don't jump straight to the point
like that. Ease her in!
[16:14] Sweet Cheeks
You might scare her!
[16:16] Viola
We know.
[16:20] Anna
You'd want to hear it even if
I might just be imagining things?
[16:24] Alyssa
Yes.
[16:25] Anna
This garden is a memento of my father.
[16:28] Anna
It's precious to me. I have many
fond memories of times we spent there.
[16:32] Anna
I missed him so much after he died.
[16:35] Anna
But when I went into the garden,
even if I was sad, I felt safe.
[16:39] Anna
It felt like someone
was watching over me there.
[16:44] Anna
So I've always wondered...
[16:50] Anna
I've wondered if maybe
he's still in the garden!
[16:57] Anna
I'm sorry I got so excited!
[17:00] Anna
I know I'm overthinking things.
[17:04] Anna
But still...
[17:07] Anna
I've always been comforted by that "maybe."
[17:14] Viola
She's not wrong.
[17:16] Viola
She's not wrong, but it was Sweet Cheeks!
[17:18] Viola
But she'd like for it to be her father!
[17:20] Alyssa
Viola, calm down!
[17:21] Hip
Please calm down!
[17:23] Phoenix
Utter confusion.
[17:24] Sweet Cheeks
Part of me suspected that.
[17:28] Sweet Cheeks
Back to the old plan. I'll restore
the roses, and that's the end.
[17:32] Sweet Cheeks
There's no need to tell her
that there are garden fairies
[17:36] Sweet Cheeks
who physically reflect her father's fetish.
[17:37] Alyssa
Please use euphemisms!
[17:40] Viola
Uh... Um!
[17:41] Viola
I think she'd be happy to know
she's had someone watching over her,
[17:45] Viola
even if it's not her father!
[17:47] Sweet Cheeks
You can't guarantee that.
[17:50] Sweet Cheeks
I don't want to let my selfishness
grieve her any longer.
[17:54] Sweet Cheeks
At this point, telling her in words
would only burden her.
[18:00] Hip
Brother!
[18:03] Hip
Brother!
[18:04] Sweet Cheeks
Stop crying!
[18:06] Alyssa
Very well.
[18:07] Viola
Mama?
[18:09] Alyssa
We will respect your wishes, Sweet Cheeks.
[18:12] Alyssa
But may I mention one thing?
[18:20] Torino
Anna!
[18:22] Torino
Sorry I'm late! Whoa,
where's the magic chicks?
[18:26] Anna
They stepped away for a while.
[18:28] Anna
They told me we should wait here.
[18:31] Torino
Weird. But hey...
[18:33] Torino
Do you think they wanted me
here cuz it's my fault?
[18:36] Anna
Of course not!
[18:38] Anna
I'm the one who's made you wait so long
because of my problems.
[18:41] Anna
I'm sorry.
[18:42] Torino
Nah, it's totes okay!
[18:44] Torino
I know about your daddy.
[18:46] Torino
And weddings are all about timing, right?
[18:48] Anna
Thank you.
[18:50] Torino
Whenever you think it's time,
we'll just do the thing.
[19:08] Torino
They're all goin' at once?
[19:10] Torino
This is so dope!
It's like, "3, 2, 1, gorgeous"!
[19:16] Torino
I'm so hyped!
[19:20] Sweet Cheeks
It was such a simple thing, in the end.
[19:24] Sweet Cheeks
It's not that I wanted to become her father.
[19:27] Sweet Cheeks
It's not that I wanted
her gratitude or her love.
[19:32] Sweet Cheeks
I just...
[19:43] Alyssa
I know I said that it
might convey your feelings
[19:47] Alyssa
to make the flowers bloom
in front of Anna and Torino...
[19:51] Alyssa
But honestly...
[19:53] Alyssa
I didn't think you'd use up every drop of
your energy to keep them blooming!
[19:56] Viola
He's got fewer butts!
[19:58] Phoenix
Eternal Breath.
[20:01] Phoenix
Version 2!
[20:03] Hip
Brother!
[20:09] Hip
H-He's better!
[20:11] Viola
Yay!
[20:12] Phoenix
Peace.
[20:12] Sweet Cheeks
What the hell is his deal?
[20:14] Alyssa
That's a great question.
[20:17] Hip
Alyssa, thank you so much, again!
[20:20] Alyssa
Oh, this was all Sweet Cheeks.
All I did was voice an opinion.
[20:24] Sweet Cheeks
You really were just meddling.
You hardly even used any magic.
[20:29] Hip
Brother!
[20:30] Alyssa
You're absolutely right.
[20:32] Sweet Cheeks
But thanks to your meddling,
I got to convey my feelings.
[20:36] Sweet Cheeks
I'm a fool.
[20:38] Sweet Cheeks
I worried unnecessarily and
obsessed over things I shouldn't.
[20:42] Alyssa
That's what parents do.
[20:45] Alyssa
It's just...
[20:46] Alyssa
I don't think you need to bottle up
the feelings you want to convey,
[20:50] Alyssa
even if you may choose
an indirect way to share them.
[20:52] Alyssa
Our time with them is limited, after all.
[20:59] Alyssa
Especially for those like us...
[21:07] Sweet Cheeks
Agreed.
[21:11] Viola
Mama!
[21:13] Viola
We got a letter from Anna!
[21:15] Alyssa
Really?
[21:16] Viola
Yep! She says they're all moved in,
so we should come visit.
[21:19] Viola
She invited us to the wedding, too!
[21:22] Alyssa
That should be fun.
[21:23] Viola
Yeah!
[21:24] Alyssa
But I think Sweet Cheeks and Hip
will feel lonely for a while.
[21:28] Viola
It's okay.
[21:30] Viola
There's still plenty of time!
[21:34] Viola
They didn't get to talk this time,
but there will be other chances!
[21:38] Viola
Plus, Anna might wake up
one day able to see fairies.
[21:42] Phoenix
I heartily approve of children
being positive thinkers.
[21:46] Viola
Hey, what does that mean?!
[21:47] Alyssa
Don't worry about it.
SIGN Preview
[22:57] Viola
This is Viola!
[22:58] Alyssa
This is... Alyssa!
[23:00] Alyssa
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:04] Viola
I make snacks with Mama!
[23:06] Viola
Then we try to help a troubled older man.
[23:08] Viola
"The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—
Of Course These Are Pastries!"
[23:11] Viola?
"The Insomnia Circumstances
of the Sleep Fairy."
SIGN The Circumstances of Yep—Oops— Of Course These Are Pastries!
SIGN The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy
[23:13] Viola
Mama looks like she's having fun!
E7 - The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—Of Course These Are Pastries! /The Insomnia Circumstances of the Sleep Fairy
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:18] Viola
Time to bake my best!
[01:06] Viola
They're all set!
[01:12] Viola
Mama!
[01:14] Viola
Look at these!
[01:17] Alyssa
What did you bake?
[01:38] Alyssa
Poo—
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Circumstances of Yep—Oops— Of Course These Are Pastries!
[03:09] Alyssa
"The Circumstances of Yep—Oops—
Of Course These Are Pastries!"
[03:15] Viola
Don't these chocolate cookies look yummy?
[03:17] Alyssa
Huh?
[03:20] Alyssa
Y-Yeah!
[03:21] Alyssa
Chocolate cookies! Right...
[03:26] Viola
Sometimes you just suddenly
want to bake snacks, you know?
[03:32] Alyssa
Th-They absolutely look like poop...
[03:35] Alyssa
Do I scold her for playing
with food, or...
[03:41] Alyssa
L-Listen, Viola... Those cookies...
[03:46] Viola
Oh, right.
[03:48] Viola
I tried shaping them like coiled-up jinn eels!
[03:54] Viola
I didn't get them quite right,
so I'm a little embarrassed.
[03:57] Alyssa
No, they're perfect!
Anyone could see that they're eels!
[04:02] Viola
Really?
[04:03] Viola
Yay! A compliment from Mama!
[04:07] Alyssa
Stupid, stupid Alyssa!
[04:10] Alyssa
I'm terrible for thinking
food looked like p—
[04:14] Alyssa
My heart is impure.
[04:15] Alyssa
Viola put her all into making these!
[04:23] Alyssa
That's right, Alyssa.
These cookies are coiled-up jinn eels!
[04:27] Eel 1
It's me!
[04:30] Eel 2
Nice to meet you!
[04:31] Eel 3
Hello!
[04:32] Eel 4
How are you?
[04:33] Eel 5
Okay, okay!
[04:35] Eel 6
Have a nice day!
[04:36] Eel 7
Don't worry!
[04:37] Eel 8
Here we go!
[04:39] Eel 9
Oh my God!
[04:39] Eel 10
Hi!
[04:40] Alyssa
Now eels are all I see.
They're starting to seem cute!
[04:45] Viola
I couldn't really get
this one to coil, though.
[04:49] Alyssa
It's p—It's precious!
SIGN Jinn Eel
SIGN Jinn Eel
[04:54] Alyssa
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
[04:59] Viola
Mama, what's wrong? Are you sick?
[05:01] Alyssa
Don't worry, the only problem
is with my head!
[05:05] Viola
Why are you suddenly bashing yourself?!
[05:07] Viola
I'm not sure what's wrong,
but try eating a cookie to cheer up.
[05:12] Viola
It's fresh from the oven, so it's piping hot!
[05:14] Alyssa
Don't use tongs to hold it!
[05:17] Viola
Huh? But it'd be dangerous
to use my bare hands.
[05:21] Alyssa
Y-You're right... That wouldn't be good...
[05:26] Alyssa
I've got it!
[05:28] Alyssa
I bet they only look like that
because they're brown.
[05:31] Alyssa
I'm sure another color wouldn't bother me!
[05:35] Viola
Mama?
[05:36] Alyssa
Hey.
[05:37] Alyssa
Want to make some in other flavors?
I'll bake with you.
[05:43] Viola
Yay! Sounds great!
[05:59] Viola
I think Mama's having fun!
[06:01] Alyssa
O-Oh, no! I'm 223 years old,
but I couldn't help laughing
[06:06] Alyssa
at the colorful array of p—
[06:11] Alyssa
Snap out of it, Alyssa. These are jinn eels!
[06:16] Viola
You know, I think we made a few too many.
[06:19] Viola
Hey, let's give them as gifts!
[06:23] Alyssa
Hold it right there!
[06:27] Viola
Is this a good way to wrap them?
[06:30] Viola
No putting them in plastic bags!
[06:33] Viola
Is there something wrong
with my cookies after all?
[06:36] Alyssa
No, not at all!
[06:38] Viola
But Mama, you've been acting weird.
[06:41] Viola
I thought maybe you couldn't bear
to tell me because you're too nice.
[06:44] Alyssa
No, Viola, you've done nothing wrong!
[06:48] Alyssa
I'm the one who's bad and wrong!
[06:50] Alyssa
My impure heart makes me see the world wrong
[06:53] Alyssa
because I'm a terrible mother
who should be ashamed of herself!
[06:55] Viola
That's going overboard!
[07:00] Alyssa
Sorry I made you worry.
[07:03] Alyssa
They're really good!
[07:06] Viola
Really?
[07:07] Alyssa
Mm-hmm!
[07:12] Alyssa
They're so good, I can't help but smile!
[07:16] Viola
Mama...
[07:17] Viola
Thank goodness.
Time for me to have one, too!
[07:31] Viola
Mama?! Oh, no, I'll get you some water!
[07:34] Alyssa
Wait, it's not stuck
in my throat or anything—
[07:38] Phoenix
I smell something sweet.
[07:51] Phoenix
I do not approve of playing
with one's food. Bad girl!
[07:56] Alyssa
Th-This isn't what it looks like!
[08:02] Narrator
Later, everyone enjoyed
the cookies together.
[08:10] Narrator
Jinn eels. Strictly speaking,
they are not spirits,
[08:14] Narrator
but monsters which strikingly
resemble spotted garden eels.
[08:16] Narrator
Despite their steely gaze,
they are exceedingly mild-mannered.
[08:20] Narrator
They come in diverse patterns and colors,
[08:22] Narrator
and the golden jinn eel is said
to be a symbol of good fortune.
[08:27] Golden Jinn Eel
God bless you.
[08:34] Viola
"And then they lived
happily ever after. The end."
[08:42] Alyssa
Viola, it's time to go to sleep.
[08:45] Viola
Aw, but I'm not sleepy.
[08:47] Alyssa
Sheesh.
[08:49] Alyssa
If you don't go to sleep,
the Sandmann will come for you!
[08:56] Viola
Wow, I haven't heard that story in a while!
[08:59] Alyssa
If kids stay up too late, he plucks
out their eyes to take home!
[09:06] Viola
I'm not scared.
[09:07] Viola
I know that's just a made-up story
to get kids to go to sleep.
[09:13] Viola
He told me so himself.
[09:17] Sandmann
It's all over.
[09:19] Alyssa
He talked!
SIGN The Insomnia Circumstances
of the Sleep Fairy
[09:23] Sandmann
"The Insomnia Circumstances
of the Sleep Fairy."
[09:28] Narrator
The Sandmann: a Sleep Fairy who carries
a bag of magical sand on his back.
[09:34] Narrator
Legend has it that he sprinkles the sand
in people's eyes to make them sleep.
[09:40] Alyssa
A-A-Are you really him?
[09:43] Sandmann
I am.
[09:47] Sandmann
Shall I pluck out your eyes to prove it?
[09:52] Alyssa
He's gonna kill us!
[09:55] Sandmann
I'm only joking.
[09:57] Sandmann
As I told the dark-haired young lady,
[10:00] Sandmann
that's just something people
made up to get kids to sleep.
[10:03] Sandmann
As real proof, and as my apology,
I'll give you my autograph.
[10:09] Alyssa
Th-Thank you?
[10:15] Viola
Yay!
[10:19] Alyssa
So, Mr. Sandmann,
what brings you to our house?
[10:25] Sandmann
Well...
[10:27] Sandmann
I've been having trouble sleeping lately.
[10:29] Alyssa
Even though you're a Sleep Fairy?!
[10:49] Sandmann
The insomnia made me nod off mid-flight,
[10:53] Sandmann
and I crashed through your window.
[10:57] Alyssa
Th-That does explain the breeze in here.
[11:01] Viola
I was reading him this book
to help him sleep.
[11:04] Sandmann
I apologize for the trouble.
[11:07] Viola
It didn't work, though.
[11:09] Viola
I see...
[11:12] Alyssa
Wait.
[11:14] Alyssa
Don't you have magic sand
that puts people to sleep?
[11:19] Alyssa
Isn't this the time to use it?
[11:24] Sandmann
I'm afraid if I use it once,
I won't be able to stop.
[11:28] Alyssa
You've been putting addictive
dust in people's eyes?!
[11:31] Sandmann
I abide by the usage and dosing
instructions, obviously!
[11:35] Sandmann
Plus, I can put people to sleep
without it by sitting on their eyelids.
[11:40] Man
Wah! My eyelids feel so heavy!
[11:44] Alyssa
That's scary in a different way.
[11:46] Sandmann
But you're right, young lady.
I'm ashamed of myself as a Sleep Fairy.
[11:52] Alyssa
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to criticize you.
[11:56] Viola
You don't have any idea what's causing it?
[12:00] Sandmann
Stress, I suppose...
[12:03] Alyssa
That's simple, yet heavy.
[12:05] Viola
Then all we have to do is deal
with the source of your stress!
[12:10] Viola
If it's something a laser beam
could take care of, I can help!
[12:13] Phoenix
Yay.
[12:13] Alyssa
Make that the last resort.
[12:17] Sandmann
I appreciate the thought,
[12:19] Sandmann
but the older we get, the more
complicated our stress becomes.
[12:26] Sandmann
One day, young lady,
[12:29] Sandmann
you too will encounter something
that can't be solved with force.
[12:34] Alyssa
What are you teaching my child?!
[12:41] Viola
Solving everything
at once might be impossible,
[12:44] Viola
but maybe we could get rid
of one source at a time?
[12:47] Viola
What's your biggest stress?
[12:51] Sandmann
My wife leaving me the other day, I suppose.
[12:55] Viola
He's right, a laser beam won't solve that.
[13:00] Sandmann
Also, there's huge pressure on my bladder,
[13:03] Sandmann
and the pain in all my joints bothers me.
[13:05] Alyssa
Are you seeing a doctor like you should?
[13:08] Sandmann
Not really.
[13:09] Viola
We might be able to solve
that one with a beam!
[13:13] Phoenix
Eternal Breath: Version 2!
[13:21] Alyssa
I don't think we should overuse Phoen!
[13:24] Viola
But isn't Phoenix perfect for this?
[13:26] Viola
He once knocked me out
in less than a second.
[13:31] Sandmann
That's terrifying without context.
[13:34] Alyssa
It's not nice to call him up
in the middle of the night, though.
[13:38] Alyssa
Even if he's like family to us,
[13:41] Alyssa
we still have to be considerate
about when we summon.
[13:44] Phoenix
This week I plan to detox
at an active volcano.
[13:49] Viola
You're right! Personal lives are important.
[13:53] Alyssa
So, if you're willing to wait
for another day,
[13:56] Alyssa
we can introduce you to a phoenix
[13:57] Alyssa
whose beams have life-
and sleep-bringing effects...
[14:01] Sandmann
I'll pass. Too scary.
[14:04] Viola
You don't like beams?
[14:06] Viola
Phoenix can sing a soothing melody, too!
[14:19] Viola
Apparently, you hallucinate if you listen
more than five minutes, though.
[14:23] Sandmann
What is your family keeping here?!
[14:30] Alyssa
I know! Would you like some hot milk?
[14:34] Alyssa
It might relax you and make you sleepy.
[14:39] Sandmann
Milk really is the solution?!
[14:47] Sandmann
S-Sorry for getting agitated.
[14:50] Sandmann
One of my colleagues pours
milk in people's eyes...
[14:56] Narrator
Ole Lukøje: a Sleep Fairy
who wears rainbow clothes
[14:59] Narrator
and carries two umbrellas.
[15:02] Narrator
Legend has it that he pours milk
on people's eyes to make them sleep.
[15:07] Sandmann
That jerk and his flashy,
pretentious clothes...
[15:11] Sandmann
I hope he spills his milk,
wipes it with a rag,
[15:13] Sandman
sniffs it, and faints in agony!
[15:16] Alyssa
The sandman industry has
its circumstances too, huh?
[15:19] Viola
Wow. If something has to go in
my eyes, I'd prefer milk to sand.
[15:27] Sandmann
A candid opinion from a patron!
[15:30] Alyssa
P-P-Please calm down!
[15:33] Viola
How about a lullaby, then?
[15:35] Viola
When I was little, Mama's
lullabies put me right to sleep.
[15:39] Alyssa
Lullabyyy and goodniiight...
[15:47] Sandmann
Let's try one, then.
[15:56] Alyssa
What a weird sight...
[16:05] Alyssa
He's staring at me!
[16:07] Alyssa
M-Maybe you should close your eyes...
[16:11] Sandmann
I'm sorry. You're being so kind to me,
[16:15] Sandmann
which makes me feel so guilty
that I'm wide awake.
[16:19] Alyssa
Oh, no, did we pressure you?!
[16:23] Alyssa
At this point, maybe it's best not to
try to force yourself to sleep.
[16:28] Viola
Good point.
[16:30] Viola
Maybe he's thinking "I have to sleep" so hard
[16:32] Viola
that it's having the opposite effect.
[16:37] Sandmann
You must never think
that you don't need sleep!
[16:40] Alyssa
Huh?! Uh, y-y-yes, sir!
[16:42] Sandmann
Insufficient sleep causes
all sorts of health problems.
[16:46] Sandmann
Depression, lifestyle-related diseases,
[16:49] Sandmann
hormone imbalances,
and autonomic dysfunctions.
[16:52] Sandmann
The list goes on.
[16:54] Sandmann
People stay up late
thinking it's no big deal,
[16:56] Sandmann
but if the sleep debt accumulates
too much, only death awaits!
[17:00] Sandmann
As a Sleep Fairy, let me say one thing!
[17:04] Sandmann
Everyone go to sleep!
[17:08] Alyssa
That's super compelling!
[17:14] Sandmann
I mustn't put you to any more trouble.
[17:17] Sandmann
I'll compensate you for the window tomorrow.
[17:22] Alyssa
We can't just leave you alone!
[17:23] Viola
You'll crash again!
[17:28] Viola
I guess being a Sleep Fairy means he really
pushes himself when it comes to sleep.
[17:32] Alyssa
Putting him to sleep with magic
would only be a stopgap.
[17:35] Alyssa
It doesn't address the fundamental issue...
[17:39] Alyssa
There's only one place to go.
[17:42] Viola
Where?
[17:43] Narrator
ZZZzzz
[17:47] Narrator
The next day...
[17:49] Benny
All right, that completes today's exam.
[17:53] Benny
Let's work together
to get you sleeping better.
[17:57] Benny
You don't need to worry too much
about your other symptoms.
[18:02] Benny
If you have any other health concerns,
feel free to consult us.
[18:06] Sandmann
Thank you, doctor.
SIGN Step right this way, sir.
[18:13] Sandmann
All right.
SIGN Take care!
[18:21] Sandmann
You've done so much for me,
more than I deserve.
[18:25] Sandmann
I can't thank you enough.
[18:27] Alyssa
Nonsense. I'm just glad
the problem seems solvable.
[18:31] Alyssa
Being a Sleep Fairy doesn't mean you need
to be embarrassed about insomnia, okay?
[18:36] Alyssa
Consulting a professional
is definitely better
[18:39] Alyssa
than trying to solve
these things as a layman.
[18:42] Viola
Don't bottle up your worries.
[18:45] Sandmann
Yes. Next time I'll swallow my silly pride
and ask a doctor for advice.
[18:52] Sandmann
I plan to properly
speak with my wife as well.
[18:55] Alyssa
Please try not to angst
too much about that, either.
[18:59] Sandmann
Before I go, I know it's not much,
[19:02] Sandmann
but here's a thank-you gift.
[19:07] Alyssa
This is...
[19:09] Viola
How pretty!
[19:10] Sandmann
Evidently, my sand fetches
a high price among humans.
[19:15] Sandmann
Please, sell it and treat
yourself to something.
[19:25] Alyssa
So, I thought I'd do as he suggested.
[19:30] Giriko
You're saying you have
Sandmann sleep dust? For real?
[19:34] Alyssa
Hmm? Yeah, I do.
[19:37] Giriko
Are you kidding me?!
[19:39] Giriko
Depending on how much you have,
you could get at least a million for it!
[19:44] Giriko
It's a mega-rare item that's
almost impossible to get!
[19:47] Giriko
People would line up around
the block to get some!
[19:50] Giriko
Actually, I'm buying it!
[19:53] Giriko
Tell no one you have it!
It could attract dangerous thieves!
[19:58] Giriko
Lock all your doors and
windows until I get there.
[20:01] Giriko
I'm far away right now for work,
so I can't get there fast!
[20:22] Alyssa
I can't sleep.
[20:25] Narrator
We are told that in the several days
before Giriko arrived,
[20:27] Narrator
Alyssa couldn't sleep a wink.
[21:41] Alyssa
This is Alyssa.
SIGN Preview
[21:42] Viola
This is Viola.
[21:43] Alyssa/Viola
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[21:46] Alyssa
Luna cooks?!
[21:48] Viola
A mysterious doctor targets Phoenix!
[21:50] Viola
"The Cooking Circumstances
of the Cursed Witch"!
[21:53] Alyssa
"The Crazed Circumstances
of the Phoenix's Exam"!
[21:55] Alyssa/Viola
"Irregular Fairy Tale Theater"!
SIGN The Cooking Circumstances
of the Cursed Witch
SIGN Irregular Fairy Tale Theater
SIGN The Crazed Circumstances
of the Phoenix's Exam
[21:57] Viola
What's a fairy tale theater?
[21:59] Alyssa
Wait and see!
[22:26] Narrator
"I know I need to sleep.
In fact, I want to sleep, but I can't."
[22:30] Narrator
"What should I do?"
[22:31] Narrator
Can you answer our viewer's question?
[22:35] Sandmann
Ah, I see. I expressed myself poorly before.
[22:42] Sandmann
But it's important to know
[22:43] Sandmann
that there's a difference between
"I don't sleep" and "I can't sleep."
[22:47] Sandmann
There's no need to feel guilty
for not being able to sleep!
[22:51] Sandmann
Each of us has their own circumstances.
[22:55] Sandmann
But I believe any inability to sleep
is a serious warning sign.
[22:59] Sandmann
It was for me.
[23:03] Sandmann
Please, try to determine whether
the cause is environmental or biological,
[23:08] Sandmann
and use the appropriate organizations,
facilities, and systems to resolve it.
[23:14] Sandmann
At the risk of repeating myself, I assure you
there's no need for guilt or shame.
[23:20] Sandmann
I'd like you to value your desire to sleep.
[23:26] Sandmann
That's what I, the Sleep Fairy,
would like to advise anyone struggling.
[23:31] Sandmann
I pray that you get peaceful sleep soon.
[23:35] Alyssa
This somehow turned into
a consultation corner.
E8 - The Cooking Circumstances of the Cursed Witch / The Crazed Circumstances of the Phoenix's Exam
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Viola
Wow, everything looks great!
[00:05] Alyssa
Why'd you bring so many ingredients?
[00:09] Luna
The truth is, I have a request.
[00:11] Luna
Teach me how to cook.
[00:14] Alyssa
I refuse.
[00:17] Luna
Teach me how to cook.
[00:19] Alyssa
I refuse.
[00:20] Luna
Teach me how to cook.
[00:21] Alyssa
Not a chance!
[00:23] Viola
I've never seen Mama's aura
that intimidating.
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Cooking Circumstances of the Cursed Witch
[01:59] Luna
"The Cooking Circumstances
of the Cursed Witch"!
[02:03] Luna
Don't be so cold to me!
[02:06] Alyssa
I'm sorry, really. But don't
ask me to do this at my house!
[02:10] Viola
Wh-Why are you so against it?
[02:12] Viola
Why not just cook with her?
[02:15] Luna
I know, right?!
[02:16] Alyssa
There's no "just" about it!
[02:18] Alyssa
Our kitchen might explode!
[02:21] Viola
That can happen?
[02:22] Luna
If it does, I'll compensate you!
[02:24] Alyssa
So it really could?!
[02:26] Luna
Remember when I told you that I come
from a long line of fortune-tellers?
[02:31] Luna
Some witches in the family are born
with especially strong ability.
[02:36] Luna
But the accuracy of their predictions
[02:40] Luna
comes with a curse
that brings them calamity.
[02:44] Luna
I'm one of those witches.
[02:46] Luna
The price I pay is that I'm bad at cooking.
[02:50] Luna
Which is pretty tame as curses go,
so that's great for me!
[02:54] Viola
But isn't it tough not being
able to eat tasty food?
[02:58] Luna
My chef always cooks for me,
so I don't suffer at all.
[03:03] Viola
Oh, right, I forgot you were rich.
[03:06] Luna
So I usually don't cook, but sometimes
I just really want to, you know?
[03:13] Alyssa
It's good to challenge yourself,
[03:15] Alyssa
but put yourself in the shoes
of your innocent victims.
[03:18] Viola
It's that bad?
[03:22] Luna
It's easiest to show, not tell.
[03:24] Luna
Here, I'll attempt to make a sandwich!
[03:28] Luna
Slice the ingredients...
[03:32] Luna
Put them in bread...
[03:34] Luna
Ta-da.
[03:36] Luna
No matter what I make, it turns
into a mysterious... something.
[03:41] Alyssa
And it's a living "something" this time.
[03:43] Viola
This is beyond "bad at cooking"!
[03:47] Alyssa
See?! I'd consider it alone,
[03:50] Alyssa
but I couldn't bear
something happening to Viola!
[03:53] Luna
I'll protect you both, even if it
costs me my life! Believe in me!
[03:57] Viola
This is cooking, not war.
[04:00] Viola
I don't mind. I'd feel sorry for Auntie
if we sent her home.
[04:05] Alyssa
Well, Viola, if you say—
[04:07] Luna
Awww! I love you for sticking
with me despite your protests!
[04:12] Viola
But do you throw away things you cook?
[04:14] Viola
Isn't that a waste of ingredients?
[04:16] Luna
Not to worry.
[04:18] Luna
Giriko takes them off my hands
and calls them "ultra-rare ingredients."
[04:22] Luna
I don't really get it,
but she says they're great!
[04:25] Giriko
Yahoo!
[04:27] Viola
So someone enjoys them...
[04:29] Narrator
Ice cream (parentheses working title).
SIGN "Ice Cream" (working title)
[04:33] Alyssa
Well, why don't we try a salad first?
[04:37] Luna
Okay!
[04:39] Alyssa
And the law of conservation of mass
went right out the window.
[04:42] Luna
But it seems kind of veggie-like,
so it's close to right!
[04:46] Alyssa
Very positive thinking.
[04:48] Viola
Maybe it's because Mama's
such a good teacher.
[04:51] Viola
I-I don't want to
bear responsibility for this!
[04:54] Viola
Let's try soup next...
[04:57] Luna
Today's first dish that
requires heat! I'll do my best!
SIGN Bubble
SIGN Bubble
SIGN Bubble
SIGN Ding!
[05:06] Alyssa
That's not even a liquid!
[05:08] Viola
Can I use it as a chair for Fennel?
[05:11] Alyssa
He'd end up like a lollipop!
[05:16] Alyssa
Next we'll up the difficulty level
and make hamburg steaks.
[05:19] Alyssa
Maybe if we divide the work
between us, it'll go okay.
[05:22] Luna/Viola
Okay!
[05:24] Narrator
A few dozen minutes later...
[05:27] Viola
Yay! A success!
[05:31] Luna
Don't let your guard down!
[05:33] Luna
This one's a fake-out "something."
[05:35] Luna
Here's what it's like inside.
[05:37] Viola/Alyssa
Scary! Too scary!
[05:41] Alyssa
Let's stick to simple recipes!
How about flan for dessert?
[05:46] Luna
I'm relatively good at sweets.
[05:51] Viola
Wow! It looks generically yucky!
[05:53] Alyssa
She's a generically bad cook!
SIGN °These are compliments.
[05:55] Narrator
These are compliments.
SIGN Hhh!!
SIGN Hh hh
[06:03] Luna
All that happens when I eat it
is that it tastes weird!
[06:06] Alyssa/Viola
You did it!
SIGN °She's happy about it!!
[06:07] Narrator
She's happy about it!
[06:11] Alyssa
Let's keep this momentum!
I vote for cocoa next!
[06:15] Luna
We've reached the "just pour and stir" stage.
[06:17] Luna
But the phenomenon doesn't
happen with beverages!
[06:20] Luna
You've seen me make tea.
[06:23] Alyssa
Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry.
[06:26] Luna
And even my cooking is
technically edible, you know.
[06:30] Luna
Don't worry, you won't die!
[06:32] Viola
This is edible?
[06:34] Luna
It's true! Papa once accidentally ate some...
SIGN la di da da da
SIGN fa la di da
[06:38] Luna
...and all that happened was three
days of his nipples playing music.
SIGN Main
SIGN Melody
SIGN Sub
SIGN Melody
[06:42] Viola
That's not reassuring!
[06:45] Phoenix
I smell something odd.
[06:47] Viola
Oh, hi Phoenix!
[06:49] Luna
We're cooking. Want some?
[06:51] Phoenix
I shall accept.
[06:55] Alyssa
Wait, wait!
[06:56] Alyssa
Even Phoen might have side effects from that!
[07:09] Viola
Phoenix!
[07:17] Phoenix
Is this... me?
[07:20] Narrator
Alyssa decided not to snark.
[07:24] Luna
Cooking really is fun, isn't it?
[07:27] Alyssa
I'm glad you're satisfied.
[07:31] Alyssa
So, why are you really here?
[07:33] Luna
You could tell?
[07:34] Alyssa
Well, you only cook when
something is on your mind.
[07:39] Alyssa
Since you came here to do it,
I thought you might want to talk.
[07:45] Luna
The thing is, I had a vision.
[07:48] Luna
You-know-who is coming soon.
[07:52] Alyssa
Wh-Wh-Why?! How can I avoid this?!
[07:56] Luna
I scried for that, but the answer
was always "It's unavoidable."
[08:00] Alyssa
Maybe you were mistaken!
[08:02] Luna
You know how accurate my predictions are.
[08:05] Luna
Still, keeping the secret for 16 years
was a big accomplishment, right?
[08:10] Viola
Mama? Auntie?
[08:13] Viola
The sandwich (parentheses
working title) is looking, um...
[08:26] Luna
I guess it was an explosive one,
not a living one.
[08:30] Alyssa
Viola, are you okay?
[08:32] Viola
Mama!
[08:33] Narrator
As promised, Luna compensated them in full.
[08:45] Viola
Mama's being weird.
[08:48] Viola
Something's been bothering her
since last week.
[08:51] Viola
I know she talked about something
with Auntie Luna,
[08:53] Viola
so that's probably the cause.
[08:55] Viola
She keeps dodging my questions
and won't tell me what's wrong.
[08:59] Viola
And I have another worry, too...
[09:05] Viola
Phoenix is also being weird.
SIGN The Crazed Circumstances
of the Phoenix's Exam
[09:09] Kicla
"The Crazed Circumstances
of the Phoenix's Exam."
SIGN Alyssa and Viola, hello.
SIGN What brings you here today?
SIGN Sheeta
Myconid Nurse
[09:22] Viola
Something's off about Phoenix!
SIGN Yes, I see.
SIGN Hmm, so he mysteriously transformed after a meal.
SIGN What did he eat?
[09:34] Alyssa
I wonder that myself...
SIGN An unknown substance, then.
[09:39] Alyssa
He isn't bothered by it,
and he seems healthy,
[09:43] Alyssa
but it's been days now, so we're worried.
SIGN Very appropriate.
SIGN There may be a problem even though he's asymptomatic now.
SIGN But mythical beasts are outside of my grandfather's expertise.
[09:56] Kicla
Wow! It's a phoenix!
SIGN Kicla
SIGN Myconid Doctor & Nurse
SIGN My older sister just returned from a sabbatical abroad,
SIGN and she specializes in mythical beasts.
[10:07] Alyssa
That's great.
[10:10] Kicla
Thank you! I'll take good care of him.
[10:14] Alyssa
Wah! He's being bird-napped!
SIGN He's a patient, not a present.
SIGN I explained that, remember?
[10:23] Kicla
Sorry! I was so happy I didn't hear you.
[10:25] Viola
No, I swear, we'd never sell you!
[10:28] Alyssa
It's all right, I promise!
[10:32] Kicla
Ah, yes, I see.
[10:36] Alyssa
What do you think?
[10:38] Kicla
I can't make a diagnosis at this stage.
[10:42] Kicla
Let's dissect him!
Just to a reasonable extent!
[10:45] Alyssa
That's unreasonable to begin with!
SIGN I apologize.
SIGN My sister is liable to do anything when her curiosity is piqued.
SIGN She's a skilled doctor despite her personality problems,
SIGN and we're too understaffed to make her leave.
[11:01] Alyssa
The dark truths of health care...
SIGN You can rest easy; I'll be watching her.
SIGN And she's never had an incident with a patient!
[11:10] Alyssa
Are you sure today won't be the first?!
SIGN Kicla, don't upset your patient.
SIGN You're too excited, even for you. Why?
[11:21] Kicla
I'm sorry.
[11:23] Kicla
But phoenixes are really,
really rare, you know!
[11:28] Kicla
And their biology is shrouded in mystery...
[11:31] Kicla
There have only been a few case studies,
and they're all dubious...
[11:36] Kicla
And now one of them is right here,
saying I can do as I like with him!
[11:41] Phoenix
Inaccurate.
[11:43] Kicla
I know I shouldn't...
I know it's wrong, but...
[11:47] Kicla
My ethics are getting fuzzy!
[11:50] Alyssa
Help! Somebody help!
SIGN I'm sorry. Let's call my grandfather after all.
[11:57] Kicla
Noooo!
[11:59] Phoenix
Nay! I accept thy challenge.
[12:00] Alyssa
You really don't have to!
[12:02] Phoenix
Thy insatiable curiosity
[12:05] Phoenix
is that brilliance called "possibility"
which mortal beings possess!
[12:10] Phoenix
I find thy struggle between logic
and impulse most pleasing.
[12:15] Alyssa
Perception is reality...
[12:16] Viola
Are you sure? If you don't want
something, you have to say so.
[12:21] Phoenix
Never fear! If I am pushed too far,
I shall burn everything to ashes.
[12:25] Alyssa
The serenity of the strong.
[12:27] Alyssa
Don't burn everything.
[12:31] Kicla
Now, let's begin the examination right away.
[12:35] Kicla
I don't have much time left.
[12:38] Alyssa
Is she dying?
[12:40] Kicla
Since you're a phoenix,
[12:42] Kicla
may I assume you'll survive
losing an organ or two?
[12:46] Alyssa
It looks like that cost you
a lot of the time you had left.
[12:50] Phoenix
I'm not comfortable discussing
such delicate matters
[12:53] Phoenix
with someone I've just met.
[12:55] Viola
Those are private parts!
[12:57] Alyssa
That's the issue?!
[12:58] Kicla
No way! If that question was out,
I can't ask any of the others!
[13:03] Alyssa
What were you planning to ask?!
[13:06] Kicla
Oh, but would you give me
a chance once we get closer?
[13:10] Kicla
We can start off as friends!
[13:12] Phoenix
All things are possible.
[13:14] Alyssa
No, Phoen! She only wants you for your body!
[13:20] Kicla
A drastic change in appearance, eh?
[13:24] Kicla
Maybe some activation of his cells
caused his body to remake itself?
[13:28] Kicla
From a magical medicine standpoint,
[13:30] Kicla
it's also possible that magic caused
a substitution reaction...
[13:35] Kicla
Sheeta, prepare for a battery of scans.
SIGN All right.
[13:39] Viola
Kicla is impressive
when she's being serious.
[13:43] Alyssa
Sheeta must've been telling
the truth about her skills.
[13:46] Kicla
Now, while we're waiting,
[13:49] Kicla
how about I p-p-p-palpate you?
[13:54] Alyssa
The line between sanity
and insanity is scarily fine here!
SIGN I'm sorry you had to see that.
SIGN Rest assured there will be no palpation.
[14:03] Alyssa
R-Right...
[14:04] Alyssa
Pardon my rudeness,
[14:06] Alyssa
but will it be possible
for her to examine him in that state?
SIGN Yes, I'll carry out her instructions myself.
SIGN What should we do next?
[14:17] Kicla
I want blood.
SIGN Bloodwork, right.
[14:20] Phoenix
My lifeblood is given only to the chosen.
SIGN No one has ever refused for that reason before.
[14:28] Kicla
If I can't have blood or organs,
at least give me a feather!
[14:32] Phoenix
No, madam! I shall not be
demystified so easily!
[14:37] Phoenix
While I appreciate thy mettle,
I made no promise to grant thee power.
[14:43] Viola
But you offered blood to me
pretty casually when I was sick.
[14:48] Viola
Was that okay?
[14:50] Phoenix
Thou art chosen. I shall give it
to thee if thou so desirest.
[14:54] Viola
Aw, I'm blushing!
[14:57] Kicla
Damn.
[14:58] Alyssa
This is like a love triangle!
SIGN Let's abandon blood samples and do a vision test next.
SIGN Can you see which direction this is pointing in?
[15:11] Phoenix
Rightward.
SIGN That's correct, but please look with your eye before answering.
SIGN A hearing test too, please.
SIGN Signal to me when you hear a sound.
[15:23] Phoenix
I hear the voices of the spirits
which dwell in the earth.
SIGN Please ignore any divine voices.
[15:31] Kicla
I want his heart.
SIGN Stethoscope exam, right.
SIGN Now, inhale...
SIGN And exhale.
[15:40] Alyssa
Phoen!
[15:42] Viola
What happened?! Did you
switch to the ashes plan?!
[15:45] Phoenix
Nay, but my throat slipped.
[15:47] Phoenix
I apologize.
[15:49] Alyssa
Are you all right, Kicla?!
[15:51] Kicla
May I have another? I'd like
to fully grasp how the beam feels.
[15:55] Alyssa
Sh-She's a life-risking weirdo, too...
[16:01] Kicla
And now, the result of the exam...
[16:04] Kicla
We're no closer to an answer.
[16:06] Alyssa
I figured.
[16:07] Viola
If he's healthy, that's all we need to know!
[16:09] Viola
It's not like he made any sense before.
[16:11] Alyssa
True enough.
[16:14] Kicla
Being his contracted certainly
made you confident, didn't it?
[16:18] Alyssa
Please don't make this a soap opera!
[16:21] Kicla
Why am I not good enough for you?!
[16:24] Kicla
Show me your private parts!
I'll show you mine!
[16:28] Alyssa
Someone come help!
[16:31] Benny
Girls! Is it true that Kicla
is examining someone?
SIGN Perfect timing, Doctor!
SIGN Muscle relaxant spores!
[16:44] Benny
I apologize for my colleague's behavior.
[16:47] Benny
Would you be willing to settle out of court?
[16:50] Alyssa
Don't worry, we won't sue you.
[16:53] Benny
She's a good girl when her
curiosity is kept satisfied.
[16:57] Benny
I thought a sabbatical to study
[17:00] Benny
would calm her down a bit
by broadening her knowledge, but...
[17:02] Alyssa
I'm sorry that we brought her
a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
[17:08] Phoenix
Regret not, O venerable man.
[17:10] Phoenix
In this life, starving for growth is more
important than meaningless gluttony.
[17:16] Benny
My dear phoenix!
SIGN I know I shouldn't say this after we caused you trouble,
SIGN but it's been a long time since I've seen my sister so energetic.
[17:25] Alyssa
Well, a passion
for learning is a good thing.
[17:29] Viola
So is she going to be like this
until she loses interest in Phoenix?
[17:32] Benny
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to offer you free medical care for life!
[17:39] Benny
Now, allow me to examine you.
[17:42] Benny
To ask a clichéd question, how was
your bowel movement after you ate it?
[17:47] Phoenix
Ah.
[17:55] Alyssa/Viola
He's back!
[17:57] Phoenix
I hadn't had one since, actually.
[18:00] Alyssa
All's well that ends well,
even if it ended in mystery.
[18:04] Kicla
Wait!
[18:07] Kicla
Did you flush it?!
[18:09] Benny
You stay away!
SIGN Take care!
[18:14] Viola
Well, I'm glad Phoenix is okay.
[18:17] Alyssa
Yes, health is what's most important.
[18:20] Phoenix
Indeed.
[18:22] Phoenix
Those who stay healthy
need not visit the clinic.
[18:25] Alyssa
Yes, the sudden frenzy as we
were leaving was rough.
[18:30] Phoenix
My body feels oddly heavy, though...
[18:34] Viola
You got sick as soon as we left?
[18:37] Phoenix
Nay, I am fit, and yet...
[18:40] Narrator
The day ended with an increase
in the "being weird" population.
SIGN Preview
[19:27] Giriko
This is Giriko.
[19:28] Luna
This is Luna!
[19:30] Giriko/Luna
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[19:33] Giriko
Viola investigates her mother's past.
[19:35] Luna
Alyssa's secrets, revealed!
[19:38] Giriko
"The Personal Circumstances
of the Nervous Mama."
[19:40] Luna
"The Family Circumstances
of the Questionable Visitor"!
SIGN The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama
SIGN The Family Circumstances of the Questionable Visitor
[19:42] Giriko
You-know-who is coming!
[19:43] Luna
Yes, he is!
SIGN Irregular Fairy Tale Theater
[20:08] All
"Irregular Fairy Tale Theater."
SIGN Alyssa White
[20:11] Narrator
"Alyssa White."
[20:13] Narrator
Once upon a time, there
lived a very beautiful queen.
[20:21] Viola
Mirror, mirror. Who is
the fairest of them all?
[20:25] Mirror
The answer, my queen, is Alyssa White.
[20:32] Viola
That's correct!
SIGN The End
SIGN The Golden Ax, the Silver Ax, and the Third Ack
[20:34] Narrator
"The Golden Ax, the Silver Ax,
[20:37] Narrator
and the Third Ack—OH! NO!!"
[20:46] Giriko
Hey, lucky boy.
[20:49] Giriko
Did you drop a golden ax? A silver ax?
[20:53] Giriko
Or a monster calling itself an ax?
[20:56] Fennel
It was a normal ax.
[20:58] Giriko
Are you sure you're not mistaken?
Look closely.
[21:02] Fennel
How could I mistake something like this?!
[21:04] Fennel
Just give it back to me!
[21:06] Giriko
Since you were honest,
I'll give you all of them!
[21:10] Giriko
Bye.
[21:11] Fennel
Wait! Don't leave me alone with Livie!
SIGN The End
SIGN Orc and the Beanstalk
[21:17] Narrator
"Orc and the Beanstalk."
[21:20] Glind
Okay, time to go sell my cow!
[21:24] Luna
Yoo-hoo, little boy.
[21:27] Luna
Would you trade me that cow for this bean?
[21:33] Glind
Forget the horse. Would you like
a piggy to play with?
[21:36] Luna
My, what a sales pitch!
SIGN The End
SIGN The Little Musclemaid
[21:40] Narrator
"The Little Musclemaid."
[21:42] Alyssa
Stab the prince through
the heart with this knife!
[21:45] Alyssa
If you do, you can turn back into a mermaid!
[21:49] Alyssa
Here!
[21:55] Alyssa
Barehanded?!
[21:57] Lira
I haven't sunk low enough
to sell out the man I love.
[22:00] Luna
Amazing.
[22:02] Luna
Her sheer force of presence makes me
understand what she's saying.
[22:05] Pondo
I heard everything.
[22:07] Alyssa
Prince Pound?!
[22:08] Pondo
Go ahead, without further ado!
[22:11] Pondo
I'd rather die foaming at the mouth
than let my beloved turn to sea foam!
[22:16] Giriko
It pisses me off that he's trying
to say something clever.
[22:20] Lira
You blockhead! Don't you dare
say that crap like it's nothing!
[22:24] Lira
Do you understand your position here?!
[22:27] Pondo
My little musclemaid!
[22:28] Pondo
Darling, you are my whole world!
[22:34] Alyssa
No, stop fighting!
[22:37] Alyssa
Wait...
[22:39] Alyssa
She can talk and her love is requited!
SIGN Alyssa Riding Hood
[22:42] Narrator
"Alyssa Riding Hood."
[22:45] Narrator
Once upon a time, there lived
a girl named Alyssa Riding Hood.
[22:50] Narrator
One day, little Alyssa was sent on
an errand to her grandmother's house.
SIGN Big
Bad
SIGN Fennel
[22:55] Fennel
Are you sure you should give me
a leading role like this?!
[23:02] Narrator
Thanks to the huntswoman,
the forest's peace was preserved.
SIGN Alyssa Riding Hood Take 2
[23:08] Narrator
Alyssa Riding Hood Take 2!
[23:11] Narrator
Once upon a time, there lived
a girl named Alyssa Riding Hood.
[23:16] Narrator
One day, little Alyssa was sent on
an errand to her grandmother's house.
[23:21] Fennel
When you think about it,
the huntsman saves the girl,
SIGN Huntsman
Fennel
[23:25] Fennel
which is a far better role!
[23:31] Narrator
Faced with the overwhelming
power of the beast,
[23:33] Narrator
the huntsman could do nothing.
SIGN The End
SIGN Irregular Fairy Tale Theater
SIGN The End
[23:37] Narrator
That's a wrap!
E9 - The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] (Flashback) Luna
Cooking really is fun, isn't it?
[00:04] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm glad you're satisfied.
[00:07] (Flashback) Alyssa
So, why are you really here?
[00:09] (Flashback) Luna
You could tell?
[00:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
Well, you only cook
when something is on your mind.
[00:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
Since you came here to do it,
I thought you might want to talk.
[00:22] (Flashback) Luna
The thing is, I had a vision.
[00:25] (Flashback) Luna
You-know-who is coming soon.
[00:29] (Flashback) Alyssa
Wh-Wh-Why?! How can I avoid this?!
[00:33] (Flashback) Luna
I scried for that, but the answer
was always "It's unavoidable."
[00:37] (Flashback) Alyssa
Maybe you were mistaken!
[00:39] (Flashback) Luna
You know how accurate my predictions are.
[00:42] (Flashback) Luna
Still, keeping the secret for 16 years
was a big accomplishment, right?
[01:00] Viola
Mama's still being weird.
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama
[02:35] Viola
"The Personal Circumstances
of the Nervous Mama."
[02:40] Viola
Mama's been worried nonstop.
[02:43] Viola
But she won't talk to me about it...
[02:47] Viola
It's probably pointless
for me to ask her again.
[02:50] Viola
What should I do?
[02:53] Phoenix
Thou canst ask a third party.
[02:58] Viola
That makes sense.
[03:04] Luna
Ah, and that's why
you're asking me directly?
[03:07] Luna
If Alyssa doesn't want to tell
you, I'm not sure I should.
[03:12] Viola
Please, Auntie? Please!
[03:14] Luna
Well...
[03:16] Luna
I'm working right now.
Can I call you back later?
[03:20] Viola
Working? You have a client with you?
[03:23] Luna
Yes.
[03:24] Earl
Miss Luna!
[03:26] Earl
Please guide this lost lamb—
no, this dirty piggy!
[03:34] Luna
My good little earl.
[03:37] Luna
I'll examine all your bad parts.
[03:43] Earl
Thank you so much!
[03:45] Earl
Oink!
[03:46] Earl
Oooooink!
[03:51] Giriko
So, they talked about someone coming.
[03:55] Giriko
I'm pretty sure I know what's up.
[03:57] Viola
Really?!
[04:01] Giriko
But if they're coming soon,
I think it's best that you stay ignorant.
[04:05] Viola
Huh?! Why?
[04:06] Giriko
Because that's bound to make
things more entertaining.
[04:09] Viola
Stop seeking entertainment!
[04:11] Viola
Come on, just a little hint?
[04:14] Giriko
Oh hey, I just remembered
that I saw a rainbow earthworm
[04:17] Rainbow Earthworm
Rainbow!
[04:19] Giriko
and a golden drone beetle
[04:19] Golden Drone Beetle
Gold!
[04:21] Giriko
having a turf war the other day!
[04:23] Viola
OMG what?!?!
[04:25] Phoenix
Thou hast allowed her to distract thee.
[04:32] Viola
Neither of them told me.
[04:37] Viola
Who else would know? Maybe Auntie Lira...
[04:40] Phoenix
What of that young elf?
[04:42] Viola
He's a last resort.
[04:45] Viola
I hate the idea of Fennel knowing
something about Mama that I don't.
[04:49] Phoenix
Thy hostility is strong.
[04:51] Viola
I at least want to know
when this person is coming!
[04:54] Phoenix
But Luna and Giriko did not speak
as though the visitor were evil.
[04:59] Phoenix
Why not wait until that fateful day?
[05:02] Viola
No can do.
[05:04] Viola
I want to get ready in case
it's some homewrecker.
[05:08] Phoenix
Ah, thou seekest military readiness.
[05:17] Lira
Sorry, hon, I don't know.
[05:19] Viola
Aw, man.
[05:21] Lira
I can't even imagine someone Alyssa
would be so reluctant to see...
[05:25] Viola
Yes! Exactly!
[05:28] Viola
We're talking about the woman who made tea
[05:30] Alyssa
Here you go.
[05:31] Viola
for a doctor who followed us home
to steal Phoenix's organs!
[05:35] Alyssa
Sheeta will be here to fetch you soon, okay?
[05:38] Lira
How did that happen?
[05:41] Lira
Alyssa took you in 16 years ago,
and I moved here two years before that,
[05:47] Lira
so we've known each other for 18 years.
[05:51] Lira
But baby-faced or not, she's
been alive over 200 years, right?
SIGN Easygoing
[05:55] Lira
There are bound to be sides of her
that we don't know.
[06:00] Viola
I know you're right, but I hate it!
[06:03] Lira
No using poisonous herbs,
no matter what happens, okay?
[06:03] Viola
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
[06:07] Lira
I didn't think you'd really
use those last time.
[06:11] Viola
It's okay, I summoned a toxic koala.
[06:15] Lira
What part of that is okay?
[06:21] Viola
Anyway, putting all the info together:
[06:25] Viola
It's someone Mama wants to avoid,
but not badly enough to run away.
[06:29] Lira
Mm-hmm.
[06:29] Viola
Based on my aunties' reactions,
the person probably won't cause harm.
[06:33] Lira
Mm-hmm.
[06:34] Viola
And it's someone she's
reluctant to tell me about.
[06:36] Lira
An ex-boyfriend?
[06:37] Viola
No!
[06:38] Lira
True. It could be an ex-girlfriend.
[06:41] Viola
That's not what I meant!
Sh-She told me she's never had a lover!
[06:46] Lira
Well, then...
[06:47] Lira
Maybe someone she never dated,
but did have feelings for?
[06:48] Alyssa
My heart belongs to you!
[06:51] Viola
No! That might be an even deeper bond!
[07:01] Viola
Sheesh, you're just teasing me now.
[07:05] Lira
Sorry, kid. You really
do love Alyssa, don't you?
[07:16] Lira
Welcome. What might you be looking for?
[07:20] Auri
Well, let me tell you.
[07:25] Auri
Alyssa the witch.
[07:33] Auri
Know her?
[07:36] Viola
Wha... Wha-Wha-Wha...
[07:37] Viola
Who is this guy?!
[07:43] Lira
No smoking in my store.
[07:45] Auri
Sorry, ma'am.
[07:50] Auri
Sorry about that.
I didn't intend to eavesdrop,
[07:55] Auri
but I heard you two talking as I walked by.
[07:59] Lira
You're looking for her?
[08:00] Auri
I am, but all I know is
that she lives in this area.
[08:04] Auri
By the way, miss, what are you trying to do?
[08:07] Auri
What's with the koala?
[08:09] Viola
I wanted to release it into the woods.
[08:11] Auri
Don't destroy the ecosystem.
[08:15] Auri
That's dangerous! Move it back!
[08:18] Auri
Why would you...
[08:20] Auri
You...
[08:25] Auri
Have we met somewhere before?
[08:31] Lira
No pickup artistry in my store, either!
[08:35] Viola
Auntie!
[08:36] Auri
That hurts! And it was a serious question!
[08:37] Viola
He's flashy and shallow...
[08:39] Lira
All pickup artists say that!
[08:41] Viola
He's got to be a homewrecker!
[08:44] Auri
Ouch...
[08:45] Viola
His whole existence is home-wrecking!
[08:49] Viola
But there's no way he's Mama's type,
so his crush is one-sided.
[08:53] Auri
Kiss me.
SIGN Kiss me
[08:54] Alyssa
No!
SIGN No!!
[08:56] Viola
He came all the way here
[08:57] Viola
because he couldn't forget Mama,
since she's the cutest in the world.
[09:01] Viola
Which means I'll strike first and win!
[09:04] Viola
I know Alyssa very well.
[09:06] Auri
What?
[09:07] Viola
I'm her daughter, Viola.
[09:12] Viola
What do you want with my mother?
[09:17] Viola
That's right, Mama has me.
I won't let you worm your way in!
[09:22] Viola
I'll make you see that!
[09:24] Auri
D-Daughter...
[09:26] Viola
I did damage!
[09:27] Auri
Um, is your father...
[09:29] Viola
Not in the picture.
It's always been just the two of us.
[09:32] Auri
N-Not in the... It's just the two of you?!
[09:37] Viola
I've never met my father, but
that hasn't impacted our lifestyle.
[09:43] Viola
Getting a father now would
just be inconvenient...
[09:48] Viola
Oh! I don't have a father,
but sometimes I do call Papa.
[09:52] Papa
I'll be back.
[09:55] Lira
H-He's dead!
[09:58] Viola
Total victory.
[09:59] Lira
Total victory, my butt!
How do we clean this up?
[10:02] Viola
Toxic koala!
[10:05] Lira
I didn't mean "finish him off"!
[10:08] Viola
It's okay.
[10:09] Viola
The poison we just used was only
a "give him loose stools" one.
[10:13] Lira
Boring and gross!
[10:15] Lira
Be a little less poison-happy, please!
[10:19] Lira
Sheesh... You went too far.
[10:22] Lira
Now we can't even ask him who he is.
[10:27] Alyssa
Oh, there you are.
[10:29] Viola
Mama!
[10:30] Alyssa
Phoen told me what you're doing.
Are you causing Lira trouble?
[10:35] Lira
Perfect timing, Alyssa.
[10:46] Auri
Alyssa!
[10:49] Alyssa
What are you doing here, Dad?!
[10:51] Auri
I came to visit my daughter!
[10:54] Viola
Huh?
[10:55] Lira
Huh?
[10:55] Phoenix
Huh?
[10:56] Papa
What?
[10:57] All but Alyssa & Auri
Huh?!
[11:10] Alyssa
Allow me to introduce you.
[11:13] Alyssa
This is my father, Auri.
SIGN Auri
SIGN Witch / Status: Poisoned
[11:16] Auri
I'm her father.
[11:19] Auri
And are you "Papa"?!
[11:22] Lira
Calm down!
SIGN The Family Circumstances
of the Questionable Visitor
[11:25] Auri
"The Family Circumstances
of the Questionable Visitor."
[11:36] Auri
Okay, I understand the circumstances.
[11:39] Auri
Your father isn't in the picture
because you were abandoned,
[11:42] Auri
and Alyssa is not married.
[11:46] Auri
Thank good—
[11:49] Alyssa
He threw up.
SIGN Ex-spelling
SIGN °It is not puking.
[11:50] Narrator
Ex-spelling. It's not puking!
[11:53] Auri
She doesn't have a father,
but she said she has a papa!
[11:57] Auri
I was scared!
[11:59] Viola
I-I'm sorry.
[12:01] Lira
You're quite young for a dad.
How old are you?
[12:05] Auri
Hmm, I'm pretty sure I'm 350.
[12:09] Viola
That old?!
[12:10] Auri
Uh-huh... Huh?
[12:12] Auri
I'm pretty sure I haven't
hit 400... probably...
[12:17] Auri
A lot of things stop mattering
when you hit 300.
[12:20] Lira
That's also true of humans, though
it's a different number for us.
[12:24] Auri
So, granddaughter, how old are you?
[12:26] Viola
Me?
[12:27] Viola
I'm sixteen.
[12:28] Auri
S-S-Sixteen?! Then you were
an embryo not too long ago!
[12:32] Lira
Yep, they're family.
[12:33] Auri
Why would you keep something
so important from me?!
[12:36] Alyssa
You would've been against me taking her in!
[12:38] Auri
You bet I would! Your 200s
is too young to raise a child!
[12:42] Auri
You're still young enough
to want your dad to spoil you!
[12:45] Alyssa
Not really.
[12:46] Auri
No way!
[12:47] Alyssa
You overreact to everything!
That's why I didn't want to tell you!
[12:52] Lira
Everyone settle down.
[12:54] Lira
Honestly, though, isn't 16 years
too long to stay silent?
[12:59] Alyssa/Auri
Huh?
[13:02] Alyssa
Huh?
[13:04] Auri
Is that a long time?
[13:06] Alyssa
I guess it's a while to not talk to family?
[13:11] Phoenix
'Tis but a moment.
[13:12] Lira
Here we go again with
the long-lived's loose grasp of time.
[13:18] Alyssa
I was planning to introduce you eventually.
[13:21] Alyssa
I just thought maybe I'd wait
until she was older.
SIGN Why?
[13:27] Alyssa
You're a bad influence.
[13:29] Auri
My existence is inappropriate for kids?
Why would you say that?!
[13:32] Auri
You're hurting your dad's feelings!
[13:35] Alyssa
Then let me ask you this:
Why haven't you contacted me?
[13:42] Auri
There was a warrant out for my arrest.
[13:44] Alyssa
I rest my case.
[13:46] Lira
You may be Alyssa's family,
but criminals don't get a pass!
[13:48] Phoenix
Eternal!
[13:49] Auri
No, no, my case was dismissed!
[13:52] Auri
I had a tryst with a nobleman's wife, and
he framed me out of unjust resentment!
[13:56] Alyssa
Doesn't sound unjust.
[13:59] Auri
I did beat up someone following me,
but that was self-defense!
[14:03] Auri
The way they withdrew the warrant
after the storm blew over proves it!
[14:07] Auri
I'm innocent as a lamb!
[14:09] Alyssa
Just stop talking.
[14:11] Auri
I'm not perfect,
[14:12] Auri
but I've never raised a hand against
a woman, child, or small animal!
[14:15] Auri
Please believe me!
[14:16] Alyssa
You think anything not
on that list is fine, don't you?
[14:20] Alyssa
He's always been like this!
[14:23] Alyssa
When I was a kid...
[14:28] (Flashback) Auri
What? Other kids are bullying you?
[14:31] (Flashback) Auri
Got it. Dad'll kill them all for you!
[14:34] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
No, don't!
[14:36] (Flashback) Auri
You want to do it yourself?
[14:38] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Huh?
[14:39] (Flashback) Auri
That's my little girl!
[14:41] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Huh?!
[14:41] (Flashback) Auri
Take this.
[14:44] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
It's heavy!
[14:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
That's not it, Dad.
[14:50] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
I don't wanna beat up the meanies.
[14:54] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
I wanna get along with everyone.
[15:04] Young Alyssa
He reacted like a monster
who'd never heard of kindness.
[15:07] Phoenix
Art thou sure he wasn't literally a monster?
[15:10] Alyssa
And when Luna and Giriko visited...
[15:11] (Flashback) Young Giriko
Alyssa!
[15:12] (Flashback) Young Luna
We're here!
[15:13] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Welcome!
[15:15] (Flashback) Auri
Hiya, girls.
[15:18] (Flashback) Young Giriko
Uh-oh, the loser.
[15:19] (Flashback) Young Luna
Does the day drinking mean you won?
[15:22] (Flashback) Auri
Yep, 30,000 at the casino! Yay!
[15:25] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Don't be so proud!
[15:27] (Flashback) Young Giriko
You seem like someone who'll lose big
and sell his organs someday.
[15:30] (Flashback) Young Luna
Is that what happened to your eye?
[15:33] (Flashback) Auri
This?
[15:35] (Flashback) Auri
It wasn't a gambling thing;
my youth was just a wild ride.
[15:39] (Flashback) Auri
I plucked it out myself!
[15:45] (Flashback) Auri
Lessee, I think I dug
my finger in there and—
[15:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Dad!
[15:49] Lira
His existence is inappropriate for kids.
[15:51] Alyssa
Remembering this stuff
put me off. Just go home!
[15:54] Auri
Aw, let me granddaddy!
[15:57] Phoenix
Thou art weak to grandchildren.
[15:59] Viola
What's the problem?
I think he's wild and cool!
[16:02] Alyssa
Stop! If you say that—
[16:05] Auri
Shall I buy you a castle?
[16:08] Alyssa
See? He's already spoiling you!
[16:10] Viola
One with lots of cannons in the walls?
[16:13] Phoenix
Oho, they are well-matched!
[16:17] Lira
It's not really my place
to say this, but I'm impressed
[16:19] Lira
that you're accepting
the surprise grandkid so easily.
[16:23] Auri
Well, my family's kinda complicated too,
[16:26] Auri
so this falls within acceptable limits.
[16:29] Lira
Complicated?
[16:31] Alyssa
Mom and Dad are siblings!
[16:33] Lira
Let's not talk about this!
[16:35] Alyssa
Oh, not like that! I meant like this!
[16:39] Narrator
Insert illustration of a brother
who co-parents his older sister's child.
SIGN Birth
SIGN Sister
SIGN Brother
SIGN Co-parenting
[16:43] Lira
Y-You gave me a scare.
[16:46] Alyssa
There are some other complexities, too,
[16:49] Alyssa
but it's thanks to my parents
that I realize family is family,
[16:53] Alyssa
even if it's not a "normal" one.
[16:57] Lira
How wonderful.
[16:59] Auri
Sorry, but I haven't accepted
the ones behind you as family.
[17:03] Papa
Family!
[17:04] Auri
Don't immediately bring more in!
[17:06] Auri
Well, anyway, I'm just glad
you're doing all right.
[17:11] Auri
I guess I'll be on my way home.
[17:14] Viola
What? You're leaving already?
[17:17] Alyssa
You're not throwing a tantrum about
staying with me? What's wrong?!
[17:18] Auri
Lemme stay with you!
[17:20] Auri
Do you want to see
a 350-year-old throw a tantrum?
[17:24] Auri
True, I hate to leave, but I can't
cause you that much trouble.
[17:30] Auri
I'll come visit again soon.
[17:35] Auri
See you.
[17:38] Alyssa
It's not!
[17:41] Alyssa
It's not... too much trouble
if you stay overnight...
[17:46] Alyssa
Why not spend some time here?
[17:49] Auri
Alyssa...
[17:51] Alyssa
I-I do feel sorta guilty
that I never brought up Viola!
[17:55] Alyssa
Plus, it looks like you won't
do anything weird to her, so...
[18:05] Lira
Actually, he hit on Viola earlier.
[18:10] Alyssa
Never come back!
[18:12] Auri
This is a misunderstanding!
[18:17] Viola
Gee, I wish I could've talked
to Grandpa more.
[18:22] Viola
He'll visit again soon anyway.
[18:24] Viola
I guess you really weren't born
from a flower, huh?
SIGN Flower!!
[18:28] Alyssa
You still believed that?!
[18:31] Alyssa
Oh, but your grandma visited you once.
[18:35] Viola
When? I don't remember that.
[18:38] Viola
She only came once,
when you were still a baby.
[18:41] Viola
I forgot I hadn't mentioned it.
[18:43] Alyssa
She's a real free spirit,
so she drops off the map a lot.
[18:48] Alyssa
I haven't seen her
since I introduced her to you.
[18:51] Alyssa
I wonder what she's doing now.
[18:58] Auri
Damn it, our first reunion in a while,
and all I got was beaten up.
[19:05] Auri
And I have indigestion for some reason...
[19:10] Auri
I'd be lying if I said
[19:12] Auri
I didn't have designs on her
before I knew she was my grandkid...
[19:20] Auri
But I really do feel
like I've met her before.
SIGN Preview
[20:44] Viola
This is Viola!
[20:45] Alyssa
This is Alyssa!
[20:46] Viola
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[20:49] Alyssa
Where are you going?
[20:50] Viola
To Auntie Lira's.
I'm going shopping with her son.
[20:54] Alyssa
"The Troubled Circumstances
of the Confined Son."
[20:56] Viola
"The Public Park Circumstances
of Heart vs. Tongue"!
SIGN The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son
SIGN The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue
[20:59] Alyssa
Have fun and be careful!
[21:00] Viola
See you later!
[21:51] Alyssa
What's that?
[22:02] Alyssa
"Sit at the desk and get ready. –Viola"
[22:07] Alyssa
A paper and pen?
[22:09] Alyssa
Is this what I'm supposed to do?
[22:13] Alyssa
Phoen?
[22:15] Phoenix
A song for children to draw
my likeness on a white plane
[22:20] Phoenix
to an airy little tune.
[22:27] Alyssa
What's going on?
[22:29] Viola
And now, please listen
to the Phoenix Drawing Song!
SIGN The Phoenix Drawing Song
[22:43] Viola
♪ Two holes suddenly opened ♪
[22:46] Phoenix
Watch thy step.
[22:47] Viola
♪ A diamond fell down, too ♪
[22:50] Phoenix
'Tis crystalline carbon.
[22:51] Viola
♪ Careful, it's dangerous ♪
[22:53] Viola
♪ You mustn't go in here ♪
[22:56] Phoenix
I forbid entry to all.
[22:59] Viola
♪ Then three legs grow ♪
[23:02] Phoenix
The recklessness of youth!
[23:03] Viola
♪ "Oh, no!" ♪
[23:05] Viola
♪ He tripped and rolled over ♪
[23:07] Viola
♪ And we rolled with that ♪
[23:09] Phoenix
We told thee to be careful.
[23:10] Viola
♪ Phoenix has been summoned! ♪
[23:16] Phoenix
Seekest thou power?
[23:24] Viola
Well? Could you draw along, Mama?
[23:28] Viola
Mama?
[23:29] Alyssa
Amazing! I drew Phoen perfectly!
And your singing was wonderful!
[23:37] Viola/Phoenix
Brilliant work.
E10 - The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son / The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:17] Pound
Good morning!
[00:21] Pound
My son!
[00:27] Pound
It's breakfast time.
[00:33] Son
Don't want any.
[00:35] Pound
My son?
[00:50] Son
Cut that out!
[00:58] Son
Why'd you whip out your Stradivarius?!
[01:00] Son
It's too early for pomp and circumstance!
[01:03] Pound
I thought some lovely music
might lure you out of there.
[01:07] Son
You think I'd just fall into
some ancient folktale trap?!
[01:10] Son
Just leave me alone!
[01:12] Pound
Huh?
[01:14] Son
I refuse to leave my room today!
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Troubled Circumstances
of the Confined Son
[02:48] Son
"The Troubled Circumstances
of the Confined Son."
[02:53] Viola
I see.
[02:55] Pound
What if he never comes out again?
[02:58] Pound
Is his heart troubled?!
[03:00] Viola
You're overreacting, Uncle.
[03:02] Viola
I'm sure he's just being
his usual bratty self.
[03:05] Viola
Hey, we have a shopping date!
I even came to pick you up!
[03:10] Son
I feel bad about that, but I really
don't want to leave today!
[03:15] Viola
Why not?
[03:16] Viola
Did your whole body turn into butts?
SIGN Grotesque!!
The Butt Man
[03:18] Narrator
The Grotesque Butt Man!
[03:21] Son
If it had, I'd be saying "the
rest of my life," not "today"!
[03:24] Son
Where'd you even come up with that?!
[03:26] Viola
I made friends with some
fairies like that a while back.
[03:29] Narrator
Sweet Cheeks and Hip.
[03:31] Son
Who are you associating with?!
[03:34] Pound
This is our chance, Viola!
[03:36] Pound
Lure him out of there by making him curious!
[03:39] Viola
Right! You're so smart, Uncle!
[03:44] Viola
Are you curious about
who I'm associating with?
[03:47] Son
Huh? U-Uh, not really.
[03:50] Viola
Fun fact: I recently discovered
that Mama's parents are siblings.
[03:55] Son
Let's not talk about this!
[03:56] Viola
Come on, I know you're curious
about the rest of the story!
[03:59] Viola
If you wanna hear more, come out!
[04:01] Son
No, don't tell me! I'm scared!
[04:01] Viola
I know you wanna!
[04:03] Pound
This backfired...
[04:06] Son
Please stop!
[04:08] Pound
Aw, I even made French toast piled
with cream for breakfast!
[04:15] Son
Th-That does sound good...
[04:18] Viola
Aw, I even brought an album of Mama!
[04:22] Son
That, I don't really understand.
[04:25] Viola
You don't want to see it?!
[04:27] Son
Just talk to me, please.
[04:29] Viola
Sheesh. You're so prickly.
[04:33] Viola
Back in the day...
[04:38] (Flashback) Young Viola
Hurry!
[04:41] (Flashback) Young Son
Oof...
[04:41] Viola
...you always followed me around,
and it was so cute.
[04:45] Son
Shut up! Stop talking about the past!
[04:52] (Flashback) Young Viola
Are you okay?
[04:57] Viola
Now you're in a rebellious phase
and getting your buns split into six...
SIGN Pull-Apart Bread
[05:01] Son
Shut up about butts, too!
[05:03] Pound
Hey! All this "shut up" is
no way to talk to your friend!
[05:08] Viola
It's fine. I don't sweat that stuff—
I've known him forever.
[05:12] Viola
We suckled the same boobies!
[05:14] Son
Phrasing!
[05:19] Pound
I'm sorry for your trouble.
[05:22] Pound
He just doesn't listen to a word I say.
[05:25] Viola
Well, you have a hard time getting angry.
[05:29] Pound
I'll take responsibility for spoiling him.
[05:32] Pound
I can't give you my head,
but take my nipples with you!
[05:35] Son
Why?
[05:36] Viola
I mean, there are monsters who
specialize in twisting off nipples, but...
[05:40] Son
There are?!
[05:45] Twisting Monster
Revolution!
[05:50] Son
Are we in hell?
[05:52] Viola
I feel bad for Uncle, so I won't
take his head or his nipples.
[05:56] Viola
I'm gonna solve this quick with magic,
like the witch I am!
[06:00] Pound
Oh, that sounds promising!
[06:02] Viola
Go, unlocking magic!
[06:10] Viola
He's holding it closed on the other side.
[06:13] Pound
Now magic is irrelevant...
[06:15] Viola
Ugh, I'm over this!
[06:18] Viola
He'll have to come out if I light it on fire.
[06:21] Pound
There are other options!
[06:22] Viola
But if Auntie Lira finds out, she'll
settle things ASAP and not nicely,
[06:27] Viola
so it's only a matter of time.
[06:29] Pound
Is violence the only answer?!
[06:30] Pound
I'm asking you to fix it because
I feel bad when he's hurt!
[06:35] Viola
Easier said than done...
[06:38] Son
I'll never bow to that old hag!
[06:41] Viola
See? He just jinxed himself.
[06:46] Viola
Where is Auntie Lira, anyway?
[06:48] Pound
She went to the market.
She could be back any minute.
[06:52] Viola
We don't have much time, then.
[06:55] Viola
At least tell us why! What happened?
[07:00] Son
Don't wanna say.
[07:01] Viola
Do you prefer the "vio" or the "lence"?
[07:04] Pound
Calm down, Viola!
[07:06] Pound
It's not good to force people.
[07:09] Pound
Remember the story
"The North Wind and the Sun"?
[07:12] Viola
The one with the contest to make
the traveler take off his coat?
[07:15] Pound
Exactly!
[07:16] Pound
The north wind tried to take it
off by force, and failed.
[07:21] Pound
But the sun shone down on him, slowly
but surely coaxing him to take it off.
[07:29] Viola
I get it! We'll smoke him out!
[07:31] Pound
You understood the lesson?
[07:34] Sun
Shine!
[07:39] Son
Too hot!
[07:42] Son
It's too hot!
[07:43] Son
Hot! Hot! Hot!
[07:45] Pound
You're using force!
[07:50] Pound
Peacefully, Viola, please!
[07:55] Viola
Okay. Phoenix!
[07:57] Phoenix
I obey.
[08:00] Phoenix
Canst thou hear me, human child?
[08:03] Son
N-Now what?
[08:04] Phoenix
Last-minute cancellations
without a stated reason are not nice.
[08:09] Phoenix
As the saying goeth, "The courtesies
matter, even between friends."
[08:12] Phoenix
Dost thou not think we ought to
value manners more between friends?
[08:16] Son
Yes, sir.
[08:17] Phoenix
Canst thou be proud of this moment
and the choice thou hast made?
[08:22] Son
No, sir.
[08:27] Son
I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry
to even tell you why now,
[08:31] Son
because it's a really stupid reason.
[08:34] Son
I couldn't tell you because
I was afraid I'd get laughed at.
[08:37] Viola
Of course I won't laugh!
[08:40] Viola
Whatever's worrying you,
it's serious enough for you to hole up.
[08:42] Viola
If anyone laughs at you, I'll beat them up.
[08:47] Viola
We're childhood friends, right?
Tell me anything!
[08:50] Son
That's true. I was wrong!
[08:53] Viola
Well? What happened?
[08:57] Son
Right. The thing is...
[09:01] Son
I can't get my bedhead under control.
[09:05] Lira
I'm home!
[09:15] Lira
Get out of there, you little punk!
[09:21] Son
Fine, no one laughed at me!
[09:24] Pound
But you got beaten up by Lira. I know.
[09:27] Pound
Why worry about such little things, though?
[09:31] Pound
You would've gotten to go out with Viola.
[09:35] Son
That's why, duh.
[09:37] Son
No! Don't get the wrong idea!
It's an aesthetic issue for me!
[09:43] Son
Listen to me! And stop making that face!
[09:47] Son
I'm telling you, you're wrong!
[09:54] Alyssa
Viola?
[09:55] Alyssa
Huh?
[09:57] Alyssa
Maybe she's in her room?
[10:02] Alyssa
Viola?
[10:05] Alyssa
Huh?
[10:06] Alyssa
I don't see you mixing potions
very often. What are you making?
[10:10] Viola
A potion to fix bedhead.
[10:15] Viola
So cute!
[10:17] Alyssa
I'm so glad he was born safely.
[10:21] Guita
Thank you, everyone.
[10:23] Narrator
Guita's egg safely hatched.
[10:27] Lira
All right, let's go there
to boost our moods!
[10:30] Viola
Can I pet him?
[10:31] Alyssa
"Go"? Where?
[10:32] Guita
Of course.
[10:33] Lira
The park, where else? It's his debut.
SIGN The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue
[10:40] Lady
"The Public Park Circumstances
of Heart vs. Tongue."
[10:47] Mom 1
And he comes home late every night!
[10:50] Cucky Roux
Hurry!
[10:52] Tsuzuku
Hurrying!
[10:54] Lira
This is a get-together spot for mothers, too,
[10:58] Lira
so meeting people here will
build your support network.
[11:01] Guita
That makes sense.
[11:04] Lady
My goodness!
[11:05] Lady
Oh, my goodness me!
[11:09] Lady
My goodness, I thought
I sensed a plebe nearby...
[11:15] Lady
And here you are, Lira!
[11:18] Lira
Lady.
[11:19] Guita
Who's she?
[11:20] Alyssa
I don't know...
[11:22] Lira
A wicked woman who picks fights
with me every chance she gets.
[11:27] Lira
She moved away years ago
because of her husband's job,
[11:30] Lira
but she recently came back.
[11:32] Lady
You're so excessively large, we all
notice you whether we want to or not.
[11:36] Lira
I have to say, I didn't want to notice you.
[11:41] Lady
Are those people behind you your friends?
Why don't you introduce them?
[11:46] Lira
No, thank you! What business
do you have with me, exactly?
[11:51] Lady
Oh, dear. I'm not allowed to speak
with you unless I have business?
[11:57] Lady
I messed up again!
SIGN Lady
SIGN Personality: Tsundere
SIGN Age
[12:00] Lady
I'm such an idiot! Why can't I ever
tell Lira my true feelings?
[12:05] Lady
The truth... The truth is...
[12:07] Lady
"Your commanding presence
and powerful frame are wonderful!"
[12:10] Lira
Sparkle!
[12:12] Lady
That's what I wanted to say!
[12:16] Lady
It's been like this since we were children.
[12:19] (Flashback) Young Lady
My goodness, Lira!
[12:21] (Flashback) Young Lira
What?
[12:26] (Flashback) Young Lady
Your clothes suit a peasant girl perfectly!
[12:29] (Flashback) Young Lira
Say what?!
SIGN Translation: They look good on you.
[12:32] Lady
Why?! Now that I've moved back
to my hometown,
[12:34] Lady
I want to make friends this time!
[12:39] Lady
However, rumor has it
[12:42] Lady
that those three behind her
are close friends with Lira.
[12:47] Lady
Especially that tiny witch.
[12:50] Lady
I won't cede the "best friend" title to her!
[12:52] Lady
Eek!
[12:54] Lady
Wh-Wh-What's the matter?
[12:56] Viola
I thought I sensed animosity toward Mama.
[12:58] Lady
P-Perhaps you imagined it?
[13:01] Lady
I don't have time for this. Let's go, people!
[13:04] Lady
Ah, wait—don't—wait—
[13:06] Lira
What?! If you've got
something to say, spit it out.
[13:10] Lady
I—um—er—
[13:11] Lady
Spit. It. Out!
[13:14] Lady
Y-You there!
[13:17] Lady
Is today your public park debut?
[13:20] Guita
M-Me? Um, yes...
[13:24] Lady
Let's have a park debut battle!
[13:27] Lady
What am I saying?!
[13:30] Lady
As luck would have it,
[13:34] Lady
my friend Birdy has a debut today, too!
[13:37] Birdy
Huh?
[13:38] Lady
Shall we say the side that socializes
with the most people wins?
[13:43] Lady
Now she looks put on the spot.
I'm sorry, Birdy!
[13:47] Lira
Seriously? Of course we won't
do your dumb competition.
[13:51] Lady
Thank goodness she doesn't want to!
[13:52] Lady
Now I'll change the subject...
[13:55] Lady
Ah, I see you have enough sense
not to fight battles you can't win!
[14:00] Lady
I wish I'd stuffed rocks in my mouth!
[14:04] Lira
Oh, it's on! And the losers are
banned from this park for life!
[14:11] Lady
I'm in hell whether I win or lose!
[14:15] Lady
All right, we'll reconvene here in an hour.
[14:18] Lira
You bet we will! Get ready to go home!
[14:25] Lira
I'm sorry. I lost my temper.
[14:28] Guita
It's fine! Socializing was our goal anyway.
[14:32] Guita
Right?
[14:33] Lira
If I have to, I'll take her to hell with me.
[14:37] Alyssa
Those aren't words you
should say in everyday life!
[14:41] Guita
But it'll be an easy win.
Everyone knows Lira.
[14:44] Mom with Kid A
Look, it's Lira!
[14:45] Mom with Kid B
Hello.
[14:46] Viola
Good point! If Auntie starts
the conversations, victory is ours.
[14:49] Lira
Yep, relax and trust me.
[14:52] Lady
Absolutely not!
[14:53] Lady
It's against the rules for Lira
to flirt with any women!
[14:58] Lira
You're too close, you're
annoying, and what rules?!
[15:01] Lady
No creating partners, either!
[15:04] Papa
I gotcha.
[15:09] Guita
What now? I'm not a very social person...
[15:13] Viola
It's okay. Lady forbid our
surefire move, but we'll still help.
[15:17] Viola
Why not start by talking
to another mom who lays eggs?
SIGN Lizardkin
SIGN Harpy
[15:22] Guita
Great idea!
[15:23] Guita
A topic in common should make it
easier to start a conversation.
[15:26] Viola
There's someone right there!
[15:28] Guita
Huh?
SIGN Arachne
[15:32] Guita
Not quite what I imagined.
[15:34] Arachne
I feel you. Egg-raising has
that side to it, huh?
[15:39] Guita
So it happens to you, too!
[15:41] Narrator
Surprisingly, they hit it off.
[15:47] Lira
The competition is over how
many people you interact with,
[15:50] Lira
so why not approach groups?
[15:52] Guita
Good plan!
[15:54] Viola
Hey, how about them?
[15:57] Viola
Excuse me!
[16:01] Viola
Do you have a minute?
[16:03] Guita
We don't!
[16:07] One-Eyed Demon Papa
Hello, are you a new mother?
[16:10] Assassin Papa
Cute kid.
[16:12] Skinhead Papa
Hello there.
[16:14] Guita
Oh, they're a group of dads.
[16:16] Guita
Hello!
[16:18] Papa Group Kids
Hello!
[16:20] Guita
Phew! I get nervous
around strangers, you know?
[16:25] Guita
Could you invite some
of your friends, Alyssa?
[16:27] Alyssa
It's easier to talk to
friends of friends, isn't it?
[16:32] Alyssa
Hmm...
[16:34] Alyssa
They all have work, though.
They might not be able to come right away.
[16:38] Guita
Yeah...
[16:40] Alyssa
Someone who could come the moment I called...
[16:44] Alyssa
Nope! Don't know any!
[16:46] Guita
Oh, well.
[16:48] Viola
On that topic, how about
I do some summoning?
[16:51] Viola
We'll attract parents and kids
to us with cute monsters!
[16:53] Alyssa
Phoen had plans today, though.
[16:57] (Flashback) Phoenix
I'm going to go enjoy some croquet.
[17:00] Alyssa
And Screechy's poison is dangerous...
[17:04] Viola
Hmm, so the ones I can summon now are...
[17:07] Jinn Eels
Yes we can, yeah!
[17:11] Guita
Huh? Is that okay?
[17:12] Kid A
Yay!
[17:17] Viola
Live Food Lover is only dangerous to elves!
[17:21] Alyssa
They're crowd favorites...
[17:23] Alyssa
Wait, where's Guita?
[17:26] Lira
Good lizard.
[17:29] Alyssa
You're holding him, huh Lira?
[17:32] Lira
Yeah, Guita seemed busy chatting,
so I'm babysitting.
[17:39] Lira
Good lizard.
[17:41] Guita
Wow, I see!
[17:43] Mom A
Yes, it's quite tough at that age.
[17:46] Mom B
But the trouble you take
makes you love them more!
[17:48] Guita
That makes sense.
[17:50] Lira
Now, now. Wait just a little longer, okay?
[17:54] Viola
Don't cry.
[17:56] Lira
Your mama will be back soon.
[17:56] Viola
Peek-a-boo!
[17:59] Viola
Peek-a-boo! It's me, Viola!
[18:03] Lady
That's underhanded!
[18:06] Makia
Yes, using magic is cheating!
[18:08] Birdy
I agree!
[18:09] Lady
How dare they have fun babysitting with Lira!
[18:12] Birdy/Makia
That's the issue?
[18:14] Lady
We can't dawdle here. We're going
to talk to more people, too!
[18:18] Birdy/Makia
Right!
[18:20] Lady
Look alive!
[18:22] Birdy/Makia
Right!
[18:24] Birdy's Daughter
Mama, I wanna see the egg baby.
[18:26] Birdy
What?
[18:27] ---
Okay, okay, your mama...
[18:29] Birdy's Daughter
Eggie!
[18:31] Birdy
We can't, honey. That's Lady's enemy.
[18:35] Lady
Birdy! We have to go all-out
for the rest of our time!
[18:39] Birdy
R-Right!
[18:41] Birdy's Daughter
Eggie...
[18:42] Viola
I don't see why they couldn't even look.
[18:46] Alyssa
I should have spoken up from the beginning.
[18:51] Narrator
Announcing the results!
[18:55] Lira
I'm relieved that there'll be fewer
places I have to see your face.
[19:00] Lady
My goodness! It sounds like you're
ready to leave. I applaud you.
[19:04] Alyssa
It's a tie.
[19:07] Lady/Lira
Huh?
[19:09] Alyssa
It's a tie!
[19:10] Lady/Lira
What?!
[19:11] Lady
And who said you could decide?
[19:14] Lira
Leave this to us. I gotta take
this woman down a notch!
[19:17] Alyssa
I acknowledge that
the mothers were quite social.
[19:22] Alyssa
But...
[19:24] Alyssa
What about your children?
[19:27] Birdy
She's right.
[19:30] Birdy
I was so focused on me,
she didn't get to play much...
[19:33] Guita
I was the same.
[19:34] Birdy's Daughter
Eggie.
[19:35] Lady
B-But the contest—
[19:37] Alyssa
You never specified which
generation should socialize.
[19:41] (Flashback) Lady
Shall we say the side that socializes
with the most people wins?
[19:46] Alyssa
It's important for guardians
to get along, of course.
[19:49] Alyssa
But isn't the most important thing
whether the kids had fun?
[19:55] Alyssa
So I say that both sides
scored zero, and it's a tie.
[19:59] Alyssa
I'm sorry, I should have
told you in the beginning,
[20:02] Alyssa
but I thought it'd be better
to give you time.
[20:05] Lira
I'm sorry I dragged you into my stupid fight.
[20:09] Guita
No, I'm sorry!
[20:10] Lady
Truly, I can't apologize enough.
[20:13] Birdy
Please don't apologize!
[20:16] Alyssa
Okay, soul-searching over!
[20:19] Alyssa
Time to shake hands and make up.
[20:25] Alyssa
Glance.
[20:27] Alyssa
Glance, glance!
[20:31] Lady
What?!
[20:33] Lady
Did she notice my feelings and do this
to settle our fight amicably?
[20:38] Lady
That's crazy! Ridiculous! I love her!
[20:42] Lady
Wh-Wh-What now?!
[20:45] Viola
I thought I sensed you making eyes at Mama.
[20:47] Lady
So either way I die?
[20:51] Lira
Fine. Let's call a temporary truce.
[20:54] Lira
Huh? Wait a second...
[20:57] Lady
Shake hands?!
[20:59] Lira
Come on.
[20:59] Lady
Touch each other?!
[21:01] Lady
Wait... Wait, wait, wait.
[21:03] Lady
I need time to emotionally prepare myself!
[21:06] Lady
Ah, we're so close!
[21:11] Lady
You loser!
[21:13] Lady
I don't like you at all!
[21:15] Lady
So don't get the wrong idea!
[21:17] Birdy/Makia
Lady?!
[21:19] Makia
Please wait!
[21:21] Birdy
Lady!
[21:22] Birdy's Daughter
Bye-bye, eggie!
[21:25] Lira
Get your butt back here!
[21:27] Lady
I'm such an ass! A jerk! Scum!
[21:30] Lady
Emotionally unstable! Hostile deviant!
[21:33] Lady
But... But...
[21:36] Lady
I touched her hand!
[21:39] Viola
How should I put this?
[21:42] Guita
Making friends is tough.
[21:46] Narrator
In this strange way,
everyone learned a lesson.
SIGN Preview
[22:59] Phoenix
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:02] Phoenix
I am called Phoenix!
[23:04] Phoenix
'Tis my duty to protect my
contracted's domicile in her absence!
[23:08] Phoenix
"The Home Alone Circumstances
of the Familiars."
[23:10] Phoenix
"The Weight Loss Circumstances
of Corpulent Phoenix."
[23:13] Phoenix
Et cetera.
SIGN The Home Alone Circumstances
of the Familiars
SIGN The Romantic Advice Circumstances
of the Men without Dates
SIGN The Weight Loss Circumstances
SIGN of Corpulent Phoenix
[23:14] Phoenix
Keep ye sharp eyes on my every move!
E11 - The Home Alone Circumstances of the Familiars / The Weight Loss Circumstances of the Corpulent Phoenix / The Romantic Advice Circumstances of the Men without Dates
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Viola
Okay, Phoenix, you two take care
of the place while we're out.
[00:12] Phoenix
I obey.
SIGN The Home Alone Circumstances
of the Familiars
[00:26] Phoenix
"The Home Alone Circumstances
of the Familiars."
[00:35] Phoenix
I did not think we would
meet again, tiny life form.
[00:39] Phoenix
'Tis surely fate. Thus, I shall
guide thee as thy senior.
[00:45] Phoenix
I've noticed that thou
hast warlike tendencies.
[00:50] Phoenix
Under this roof thou shouldst obey
the summoner and her mother.
[00:57] Phoenix
Warlike already...
[01:05] Phoenix
Such play is forbidden.
[01:11] Phoenix
See? That's why.
[01:17] Phoenix
Why art thou blaming me?
[01:23] Phoenix
Cease this creationless destruction!
[01:27] Phoenix
Stop this. If thou strugglest too much—
[01:31] Phoenix
I told thee so.
[01:35] Phoenix
I hope this hath taught thee
a bit of restraint.
[01:42] Phoenix
Violence born of unjust resentment...
[01:47] Phoenix
Perhaps this is the anger of the hungry.
[01:52] Phoenix
Consume this afternoon snack
and quell thy rage.
[01:56] Phoenix
Here, eat.
[02:00] Phoenix
Your voracity is encouraging to see.
[02:03] Phoenix
I shall partake as well.
[02:07] Phoenix
The portions are neither
too large nor too small.
[02:19] Phoenix
I shall not trade.
[02:29] Phoenix
I hear a fuss.
[02:36] Phoenix
He is swift as the wind!
[02:39] Phoenix
He hath more energy now that
his stomach is satisfied!
[02:47] Phoenix
There!
[02:50] Phoenix
Tiny life form, I cannot overlook
further outrageous behavior.
[02:54] Phoenix
If thou repentest, show me with
thine attitude, and all shall be well.
[03:01] Phoenix
A battle stance.
[03:05] Phoenix
Interesting. To demonstrate my respect
for thy reckless courage,
[03:09] Phoenix
I shall fight thee at full power.
[03:22] Phoenix
Where goest thou?
[03:27] Phoenix
Evidently, 'twas just a sound.
[03:29] Phoenix
Let us continue, then!
[03:37] Phoenix
Calm thyself. Our contracted and her
mother shall return in half an hour.
[03:44] Phoenix
I hope we last that long...
[03:54] Phoenix
At last, I've managed to lull him
to sleep with my song.
[03:59] Phoenix
Now I must clean up—
[04:02] Viola
We're back!
[04:04] Alyssa
We bought you two something... Wait.
[04:11] Alyssa
Even the door is wrecked!
[04:15] Viola
What happened here?
[04:17] Phoenix
There is an excellent explanation for this...
[04:21] Viola
I bet you weren't looking after Toxic Koala!
[04:24] Viola
You have to be more responsible,
Phoenix. You're his senior.
[04:34] Phoenix
I quit being the senior!
[04:37] Viola
I-I'm sorry! Was I too harsh?!
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
[06:14] Alyssa
Phoen!
[06:16] Alyssa
Today's snack is flan.
[06:20] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:22] Narrator
The next day...
[06:23] Alyssa
Today's snack is cake.
[06:26] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:27] Narrator
The next day...
[06:29] Alyssa
Today's snack is a cream puff!
[06:31] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:32] Narrator
The next day...
[06:33] Alyssa
Today's snack is crème brûlée.
[06:36] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:37] Narrator
The next day...
[06:38] Alyssa
Today's snack is Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte.
[06:40] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:41] Narrator
The next day!
[06:41] Alyssa
Today's snack is Apfelstrudel.
[06:43] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:43] Narrator
And next!
[06:43] Alyssa
Today's snack is Zitronenschnitten.
[06:44] Phoenix
Delicious.
[06:45] Narrator
Next!
[06:45] Alyssa
Today's snack is Marmorgugelhupf.
[06:45] Narrator
Next! Next!
[06:46] Alyssa
Today's snack is Zwetschgenknödel.
[06:47] Phoenix
Delicious. Delicious. Delicious.
[06:48] Alyssa
Today's snack is Gefüllter Hefezopf.
[06:49] Narrator
Next!
[06:51] Viola
Phoenix...
[06:54] Viola
Did you get fat?
SIGN The Weight Loss Circumstances of the Corpulent Phoenix
[06:58] Kicla
"The Weight Loss Circumstances
of the Corpulent Phoenix"!
[07:03] Viola
Well, did you get fat?
[07:05] Alyssa
Hey! You know better than to ask
such an insensitive question!
[07:09] Viola
Huh? I did something wrong?
[07:11] Viola
I'm sorry. I'll phrase it differently.
[07:15] Viola
You got fat.
[07:16] Alyssa
Baldly stated!
[07:17] Viola
Anyone can see he did!
[07:19] Viola
Let me ask you, Mama: Don't you
think something's wrong here?
[07:22] Alyssa
I may have given him too many snacks lately.
[07:26] Alyssa
B-But isn't it better to be a little plump?
[07:29] (Flashback) Alyssa
Eat up!
[07:31] Viola
She has her Mom Goggles on.
[07:33] Phoenix
Mother, I thank thee,
but my contracted is right.
[07:38] Phoenix
This body is proof of my inability
to control myself!
[07:42] Alyssa
I-I'm sorry I fed you too much, too.
[07:45] Alyssa
Okay, then, let's lose weight together!
[07:48] Alyssa
I'll work hard, too!
[07:49] Viola
Huh?
[07:50] Viola
Mama, why would you need to?
You haven't gotten fat.
[07:54] Alyssa
It's harder for me to lose fat these days
than it was in my 100s.
[07:59] Alyssa
So it would be best if I exercised.
[08:02] Viola
What? That's scary.
[08:03] Viola
By the way, how do people lose weight?
[08:06] Viola
I never put on any, so I don't know.
[08:09] Alyssa
Viola, don't ever say that
to anyone outside this family.
[08:12] Phoenix
I shall abstain from all food
and drink for one year.
[08:16] Alyssa
Too extreme!
[08:17] Alyssa
We have to do it in a healthy
way, or it's dangerous.
[08:19] Alyssa
Let's start by improving our
eating habits and exercising.
[08:23] Phoenix
I'd like to pursue any
other good ideas as well...
[08:27] Kicla
There are outpatient weight
loss clinics these days, too.
[08:32] Alyssa
The mad mushroom doctor!
SIGN Note
SIGN Mad Scientista
[08:38] Kicla
I haven't seen you in so long!
How have you been?
[08:42] Kicla
Bad birdie.
[08:44] Kicla
If you have illnesses or concerns,
you need to come see me right away!
[08:48] Phoenix
The deviant who thinketh herself
my primary care physician?
[08:52] Viola
Kicla is technically a doctor,
so she must know lots about this.
[08:57] Kicla
Did you say "technically"?
[08:59] Viola
If you have a recommended
weight loss method, tell us!
[09:02] Kicla
Recommended, you say?
[09:04] Kicla
Well, there is a way to take off
lots of weight in no time!
[09:08] Alyssa
Oh? What is it?
[09:10] Kicla
Surgery.
[09:13] Alyssa
Right, I'll call Sheeta.
[09:15] Kicla
I was joking, I swear!
[09:18] Kicla
Although, I'll happily suction
or excise any fat he'd like!
[09:22] Alyssa
You're blatantly targeting him!
[09:24] Kicla
It's true! There are downsides
to surgery, after all,
[09:28] Kicla
so I can't recommend it lightly!
[09:31] Kicla
I just meant that I'd do my best to help
[09:33] Kicla
if he gave informed consent to that method!
[09:36] Alyssa
Y-Yes, of course. I'm sorry I doubted you.
[09:40] Kicla
Oh, but...
[09:41] Kicla
If he does, may I keep any blood lost
or feathers shaved off?
[09:46] Alyssa
She has enough conscience not to
do so without asking, and yet...
[09:49] Narrator
Dr. Kicla's Diet Lecture!
SIGN Chew your food thoroughly / Cut back on fat, oil, and sugar
Eat lots of vegetables and seaweed / Eat dinner as early as you can
[09:52] Kicla
This is more or less what you
should keep in mind, food-wise.
[09:58] Kicla
You've had a lot of cream
in your snacks recently.
[10:03] Kicla
I can't recommend eating that every day.
[10:06] Kicla
While you're losing weight,
I recommend nuts or yogurt.
[10:10] Kicla
You've also used croissants
for your bread a lot,
[10:13] Kicla
so you should switch to bagels.
[10:16] Kicla
I have an idea. As I recall,
you don't have plans today.
[10:20] Kicla
Shall we go exercise right now?
[10:23] Viola
Sounds good.
[10:24] Phoenix
Quite.
[10:26] Alyssa
How does she know those things?
[10:29] Viola
Here we are!
[10:31] Alyssa
We can exercise to our hearts' content here.
[10:34] Viola
Okay, let's get to it!
[10:35] Viola
Wait, where's Dr. Kicla?
[10:39] Alyssa
Doctor!
[10:41] Kicla
Sorry... I'm so out of shape...
my body is out of energy...
[10:46] Alyssa
Just from coming here?!
[10:48] Viola
Maybe you should improve your habits, too!
[10:50] Kicla
N-Now, let's start with a light warmup...
[10:56] Kicla
Sudden exercise is bad for your body...
[11:02] Viola & Alyssa
She's a compelling example.
[11:04] Kicla
Now your warmup! Ready, go!
[11:07] Alyssa & Viola
1, 2, 3, 4!
[11:10] Narrator
Menu item #1: running.
SIGN Menu Item #1: Running
[11:12] Kicla
Now, go ahead and lightly run.
[11:17] Alyssa
I appreciate her instruction,
but is she okay?
[11:20] Viola
She worries me, so let's wrap this up
before she feels better enough to rampage.
[11:24] Phoenix
Understood.
[11:28] Alyssa
I've never seen him so agile!
[11:30] Viola
And when you look closely...
[11:31] Viola
He's not running, he's floating!
[11:34] Alyssa
How does that work?!
[11:36] Alyssa
Ah, she looks a little better!
[11:38] Viola
Oh, no! Next exercise!
[11:39] Narrator
Menu item #2: strength training.
SIGN Menu Item #2: Strength Training
SIGN Sit-ups
[11:42] Narrator
Sit-ups!
[11:46] Narrator
Back extensions!
SIGN Back Extensions
[11:49] Narrator
Squat jumps!
SIGN Squat Jumps
[11:53] Viola & Alyssa
Where are the muscles?
[11:56] Narrator
Menu item #3: side stepping.
SIGN Menu Item #3: Side Stepping
[11:58] Alyssa
His speed is going crazy again!
[12:01] Phoenixes 1>2>3
They're. Not. Afterimages.
[12:02] Alyssa
No way!
[12:04] Kicla
Give me one, please!
[12:06] Alyssa
Why'd you show her that?!
[12:08] Viola
I wonder if he'd get slimmer
if he created avatars out of his fat.
[12:12] Alyssa
It would terrify me if that worked,
so don't suggest it to him.
[12:16] Kicla
Oh, we have a lake here.
[12:19] Kicla
Let's try some water-based exercise, too.
SIGN Menu Item #4: Swimming
[12:22] Narrator
Menu item #4: swimming.
[12:27] Alyssa
Why?!
[12:29] Phoenix
I suppose I absorbed water.
[12:31] Alyssa
I understand the reason, but not the logic!
[12:36] Narrator
Drying!
[12:38] Kicla
That's all for today.
[12:41] Kicla
Great work.
[12:43] Alyssa
Viola and Alyssa, you worked hard, too.
[12:49] Viola
I'm tired in so many ways...
[12:52] Kicla
I've come up with plans
for everyone. Here you go.
[12:57] Kicla
But you two are healthy already,
so this is just for fitness.
[13:02] Viola
Wow, really?
[13:04] Alyssa
Thank you for going to the trouble!
[13:07] Viola
Huh, yours has more sit-ups
than mine. Does that mean...
[13:10] Alyssa
N-No peeking!
[13:13] Phoenix
I give thee my apology and gratitude.
[13:17] Phoenix
I thought thou mightst use the pretext
of exercise to seek my body.
[13:21] Fantasy Kicla
S-Spread your wings for me!
[13:26] Kicla
That's something I'd...
[13:27] Kicla
I'd... never do... right...
[13:31] Kicla
I-I may be depraved, but I am still a doctor.
[13:37] Kicla
When I see your family worrying about you,
[13:41] Kicla
even someone like me wants to help.
[13:46] Kicla
Do your best.
[13:49] Phoenix
Indeed.
[13:50] Narrator
After that,
[13:53] Narrator
Phoenix put his all into weight loss.
SIGN chew
chew
chew
chew
chew
chew
[13:57] Narrator
Good daily habits and appropriate exercise
[14:00] Narrator
steadily changed his body.
SIGN Beans
[14:04] Narrator
And one month later...
[14:11] Viola
Phoenix, please get fatter...
[14:15] Narrator
His body fat lessened,
but his mystery only grew.
[14:23] Fennel
Don't do it, Glind!
[14:25] Fennel
It's crazy to strike a deal with him!
[14:27] Glind
No, it's worth a try.
[14:30] Glind
I'm about to get you out of here!
[14:33] Glind
In exchange...
[14:34] Glind
...teach me how to get dates!
[14:37] Fennel
Reconsider, Glind!
[14:38] Auri
Wouldja lend me the money
to pay my fine, too?
[14:40] Fennel
Act guiltier, Auri!
SIGN The Romantic Advice Circumstances of the Men without Dates
[14:44] Fennel & Glind
"The Romantic Advice Circumstances
of the Men without Dates."
[14:49] Auri
I pushed my luck and got caught cheating.
[14:53] Auri
See, I'd never been to that casino,
so I misjudged when to stop.
[14:57] Auri
Thanks for being my guarantors!
[15:00] Fennel
Just don't cheat in the first place!
[15:02] Auri
I know, I'll be careful from now on.
[15:05] Auri
Can't very well disappoint Alyssa, you know?
[15:09] Fennel
I'm amazed he thinks
she still has hope for him.
[15:13] Fennel
Seriously, don't seek advice from this guy.
[15:16] Glind
Of everyone I know, he's got
the most game with the ladies.
[15:20] Fennel
His specific game isn't a useful example!
[15:23] Fennel
This guy's approach is "save
on lodging through one night stands."
[15:26] Fennel
That's how loose his lifestyle is!
[15:27] ---
Wow!
[15:28] ---
You're the best!
[15:29] ---
You're so dreamy!
[15:30] Glind
When you put it that way...
[15:32] Auri
I've gotta be more useful than the guy
[15:34] Auri
who's failed to ask out his crush
for a century now.
[15:36] Glind
Drink up, Teacher!
[15:39] Glind
Whoops, almost spilled.
[15:40] Glind
So, Teacher, how does a guy get dates?
[15:43] Auri
His face. End of lesson!
[15:44] Fennel
You scum!
[15:45] Glind
What happened to "more useful"?!
[15:48] Auri
It's just, when I really think about it,
what is there to teach?
[15:53] Glind
It was stupid to ask for your advice.
[15:55] Fennel
Told you.
[15:57] Fennel
Listen, I'll introduce you
to my brother. Ladies love him.
[16:00] Auri
I have way more game
than that forest gorilla!
[16:03] Fennel
Don't be randomly competitive!
[16:05] Auri
Very well. Auri, the Don Juan of witches,
shall teach you everything.
[16:11] Auri
Are you ready to deify me
and worship me for generations?
[16:14] Glind
I wonder if I really picked
the wrong person...
[16:17] Fennel
Yes!
[16:18] Auri
Anyway, it's simple
if you understand the fundamentals.
[16:22] Auri
What do you think having game requires?
[16:25] Glind
Huh? Well, a good face, like you said?
[16:29] Fennel
A nonjudgmental attitude?
[16:31] Auri
Yep, you're stupid dumbass idiots
[16:32] Auri
who'll die with balls
growing out of your foreheads.
[16:35] Fennel
I'll punch you!
[16:36] Auri
The right answer is...
[16:38] Auri
Sympathy for others.
[16:40] Glind
You think you have that?!
[16:42] Auri
Just shut up and listen, virgin boys.
[16:45] Auri
It sounds like you two think
having game is a special skill.
[16:49] Glind
You mean it's not?
[16:50] Auri
Having game means being liked.
[16:53] Auri
In other words, it refers to having
good human relationships.
SIGN FRIENDLY
[16:57] Auri
And being sympathetic is what
makes relationships go well.
[17:02] Fennel
It annoys me to hear him make a good point.
[17:05] Auri
It seems obvious, yet the world's
full of guys who can't do it.
[17:09] Glind
I-I see.
[17:10] Fennel
You're right, that's fundamental.
[17:12] Auri
Back in the day,
I once turned into a girl—
[17:16] Glind
What's with the creepy
declaration, old man?!
[17:19] Auri
Not in a weird way!
[17:20] Auri
Once a long time ago,
my sister suddenly told me
[17:22] Auri
"I think I'm gonna make a little sister."
[17:26] Fennel
What the heck?
[17:27] Auri
Her story was something like,
[17:29] Auri
she was interested in how our relationship
and feelings would change
[17:31] Auri
if my sex changed but our relative ages
and positions stayed the same.
[17:36] Auri
So I got hit with a sex change spell,
[17:40] Auri
and I was a woman for the two weeks
it took her to lose interest...
[17:43] Fennel
I guess all little brothers
get treated roughly.
[17:46] Auri
We only truly understand others' emotions
when we stand in their shoes.
[17:52] Auri
Basically, I understand female
emotions better than you.
[17:55] Auri
I can be sympathetic.
[17:56] Auri
That's why I've got game for days!
[17:59] Fennel
I hate to say it,
but that's oddly compelling.
[18:02] Auri
Now for those all-important female emotions.
[18:06] Auri
To explain it simply enough
for even you two to understand...
[18:11] Auri
I could crush your head with my bare hand.
[18:16] Fennel
Scary conversation starter!
[18:17] Auri
Yes! Exactly.
[18:19] Auri
Men typically have more
brute strength than women,
[18:22] Auri
so flirting wrong just inspires terror.
[18:25] Auri
One of us walking up is like an organ-sucking
monster suddenly staring at your torso.
[18:29] Fennel
Your analogy's scary, too!
[18:31] Auri
Essentially, men will always fall into the
"potentially dangerous" category.
[18:37] Auri
It's a self-preservation thing,
so it's natural and inevitable.
[18:44] Auri
You need to be aware of that
[18:45] Auri
and interact with them sincerely
and on equal terms.
[18:48] Auri
That has to come before
stuff like love and lust.
[18:51] Glind
Sincerely and on equal terms...
[18:54] Glind
So they don't like me because I want them
to treat me like a dirty little piggy!
[18:59] Auri
I said it comes before lust.
[19:00] Fennel
A difference in strength, eh?
[19:03] Fennel
The women in my life are so strong,
I forgot about that.
[19:06] Auri
Yeah, there's individual
and species-level variation.
[19:12] Fennel
Was it tough for you
when you were a woman, too?
[19:15] Auri
You bet it was! Just
remembering pisses me off.
[19:19] (Flashback) Iratio
Watch where you're going!
[19:21] (Flashback) Pervical
Your boobies are huge!
[19:22] (Flashback) Shaddup
This is the problem with women.
[19:24] Auri
Guys who wouldn't dare make
eye contact with my male self
[19:27] Auri
got all insolent just 'cause I was female.
[19:30] Auri
They thought they could get away
with it because I wouldn't fight back.
[19:34] Glind
That's awful!
[19:35] Fennel
Were you okay?
[19:36] Auri
I nine-tenths killed each
one of them right there.
[19:39] Fennel
They weren't okay!
[19:41] Auri
Never forget that I could slurp
up your organs any time I wanted.
[19:46] Glind
Is that tension necessary?!
[19:48] Auri
Other than that, there are some techniques
[19:50] Auri
for stuff like giving compliments
and carrying on conversations,
[19:53] Auri
but you two aren't ready.
[19:55] Auri
They require appropriately tailoring
your approach to each individual.
[20:01] Auri
There's no manual or surefire technique
that'll have everyone drooling for you.
[20:05] Auri
Master the fundamentals. End of lesson.
[20:07] Fennel
So the common advice "Girls like it
when you pat them on the head" is wrong?
[20:13] Auri
Obviously that depends on the relationship
and how much they like you!
[20:17] Auri
Did you believe that crap?
You should be ashamed!
[20:20] Fennel
Must you be so mean?!
[20:21] Auri
Don't even think about patting Alyssa's head.
[20:26] Auri
I'll explode your head
before you get the chance!
[20:30] Fennel
You've been after my head all night!
[20:33] Glind
This was useful, actually.
[20:35] Glind
Now I know there's no secret technique.
[20:38] Fennel
Thinking about how she feels...
It's obvious, but it's important.
[20:44] Auri
Thanks for tying that up so well.
[20:46] Auri
Still, it never hurts to have a nice face.
[20:50] Fennel
Are you compelled to ruin everything?!
[20:53] Auri
Glind's right that there's no secret.
[20:56] Auri
There is a shortcut, though.
[20:57] Glind
Oh? What is it?
[21:00] Catearina
Thank you!
[21:01] Catearina
I appreciate you filling
an herb order so late at night.
[21:05] Alyssa
Of course! We all help each other.
[21:08] Alyssa
Thanks for coming with me, Screechy.
[21:12] Auri
I'll turn you into women!
[21:14] Catearina
What could that be?
[21:15] Glind
What's with the creepy
declaration, old man?!
[21:17] Glind
No! Stay away from me!
[21:20] Auri
I told you,
[21:21] Auri
we only truly understand others' emotions
when we stand in their shoes.
[21:24] Auri
So become women!
[21:24] Auri
Glind? Fennel? Stop, please!
[21:27] Auri
I'll give you understanding.
[21:28] Fennel
W-We're not your toys!
[21:31] Auri
Save your breath.
You're my toys now, girlies!
[21:43] Narrator
The misunderstanding was cleared up,
[21:44] Narrator
but Auri had—once again—
disappointed Alyssa.
SIGN Preview
[22:58] Alyssa
This is Alyssa!
[22:59] Viola
This is Viola!
[23:00] Alyssa & Viola
Next time on The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch...
[23:03] Viola
Mama!
[23:04] Mama
Yes?
[23:05] Viola
Thank you for everything!
[23:06] Alyssa
What brought this on?
[23:09] Viola
I just wanted to say it.
[23:11] Alyssa
Aw, Viola.
[23:12] Viola
I love you, Mama!
SIGN The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
[23:15] Alyssa
I love you too, Viola!
E12 - The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Viola
Grandpa Auri!
[00:03] Viola
Buy me a mithril sword!
[00:06] Auri
Sure!
[00:14] Auri
I mean, if your mama says it's okay.
[00:18] Alyssa
I find this conversation suspicious.
[00:20] Alyssa
Stand a little further away!
[00:21] Auri
Don't be so cold. I told you,
that was a misunderstanding!
[00:26] Auri
Think about how I feel, finding out
I hit on my teenage granddaughter!
[00:32] Alyssa
Yeah, I... Yeah.
[00:36] Viola
I'm really sorry for how I acted
when I misunderstood.
[00:38] Viola
Trying to poison you, pressuring you
psychologically, and everything...
[00:43] Auri
Hearing it out loud, that really was mean.
[00:47] Auri
Eh, don't worry about it.
[00:50] Auri
Could've been worse—at least you didn't start
breaking my bones the second you met me.
[00:53] Viola
Of course I wouldn't do something like that!
[00:58] Viola
Mama?
[01:00] Alyssa
Say one more weird thing,
and I'll fill your mouth with clay.
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch
[02:37] Viola & Alyssa
"The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch"!
[02:42] Auri
Anyway, I want to spend some time
with just my daughter and granddaughter.
[02:48] Auri
Why are you here?
[02:50] Luna & Giriko
For the entertainment value.
[02:52] Auri
Go home!
[02:54] Auri
Actually—
[02:55] Auri
You two shouldn't have kept Viola
a secret from me! Why did you?
[02:59] Luna
Alyssa said not to tell you.
[03:01] Auri
What?!
[03:02] Giriko
Honestly, we thought it'd
be better to tell you.
[03:05] Luna
Mm-hmm!
[03:07] Giriko
But we couldn't deny she had a point
about you being inappropriate for kids.
[03:11] Luna
So we kept it from you until now.
[03:15] Alyssa
I'm sorry. I am starting to feel guilty,
even if it's kinda too late...
[03:20] Auri
That's right.
[03:21] Auri
Take pity on your poor father.
Be kind to him!
[03:23] Auri
And if you've kept her secret
from anyone else, tell them, too!
[03:27] Alyssa
Well, actually you're more or less
the only one who didn't know about Viola.
[03:34] Auri
Also, aren't these two just as inappropriate?!
[03:37] Giriko
Pardon?
[03:37] Luna
Don't take it out on us.
[03:40] Alyssa
That's not—
[03:42] Alyssa
That's not...
[03:45] Alyssa
That's not true!
[03:46] Auri
Don't lie to yourself.
[03:48] Alyssa
That's... not true...
[03:51] Auri
Anyway...
[03:53] Auri
If everyone knew but me,
that means Fennel was in on it.
[03:58] Auri
I'll invite him here and kill him.
[04:00] Alyssa
Don't do that!
[04:01] Viola
You know Fennel too, Grandpa?!
[04:04] Auri
Yep. I treat him like a little brother.
[04:08] Alyssa
Whoa!
[04:12] Fennel
Why'd you call?
[04:13] Auri
Hey, Fennel. I'll kill you if you're
not at Alyssa's place in five minutes.
[04:17] Fennel
Say what?!
[04:18] Viola
He's mentioned murder twice
in a really short time.
[04:22] Narrator
Several dozen minutes later...
[04:33] Fennel
What?! What's this about?!
[04:36] Auri
This will be your grave.
[04:39] Fennel
Where's my "Hello"?!
[04:41] Luna
Fennel, long time no see!
Let's talk about romance!
[04:45] Giriko
Let me sip the essence of first love!
[04:49] Fennel
What's with this group?
Is this the Toy with Fennel Club?!
[04:54] Fennel
Don't you smile like that!
[04:57] Alyssa
Hey, stop picking on Fennel.
[05:00] Fennel
Swoon!
[05:01] Luna
Come on, we were just teasing.
[05:03] Giriko
What she said.
[05:04] Alyssa
No teasing younger people!
[05:07] Viola
Grandpa!
[05:09] Viola
Fennel makes eyes at Mama.
Shouldn't you do something about him?
[05:14] Auri
I don't see the problem.
[05:16] Auri
I know he's trustworthy, after all.
[05:19] Auri
This is worlds better than her
bringing home some random jerk.
[05:23] Fennel
Auri! I'm touched.
[05:25] Auri
I don't think for a second he
has a chance with her, though.
[05:30] Fennel
He looks down on me.
[05:35] Fennel
So he finally found out, huh?
[05:38] Alyssa
Sorry to mix you up in this.
[05:40] Fennel
No, it's fine!
[05:41] Auri
Stop trying to make yourself look good!
[05:43] Auri
How about I tell her you puked
at Glind's place the other day?!
[05:46] Fennel
You just did!
[05:47] Narrator
This man not only arrived an hour late,
[05:49] Narrator
but already drunk and covered with
someone else's blood for some reason!
[05:54] Narrator
This man had to clean blood
from his entryway!
[05:58] Narrator
This man got sick from the blood smell
and vomited 30 seconds later!
[06:02] Viola
Wow, so you're friends with Glind, too.
[06:06] Auri
Yep. The three of us sometimes
have dinner together.
[06:08] Viola
Me, too!
[06:11] Auri
Then he knew, too?
[06:14] Fennel
Uhhh... yeah.
[06:16] Fennel
I introduced him to her. For reasons.
[06:19] Alyssa
He's even come to visit us a few times!
[06:25] Auri
Even he knew before me?
[06:28] Fennel
Hey... you're not crying, are you?
[06:31] Fennel
It's really uncomfortable to see
a man in his 300s cry, you know!
[06:36] Auri
You all locked me out!
I can't even deal with this!
[06:39] Auri
I'll beat Fennel to a pulp to punish you!
[06:42] Fennel
Punish everyone equally!
[06:43] Giriko
Sheesh.
[06:45] Luna
Aw, what will it take
to make you feel better?
[06:49] Auri
Worship me and pledge your loyalty.
[06:52] Giriko
Don't instantly try to take advantage.
[06:55] Alyssa
I'm sure you don't want to
hear this from me,
[06:58] Alyssa
but I notice you did visit Fennel and Glind.
SIGN Hmph!
[07:02] Auri
You've got it all wrong—
I told you, there was a warrant out!
[07:06] Auri
I was avoiding you because I didn't
want you to get dragged into it.
[07:11] Auri
But I didn't care if they did.
[07:13] Fennel
You never told me
about any warrant, old man!
[07:17] Giriko
You're the king of good-for-nothings!
[07:19] Luna
What did you do? Did you
finally end up killing someone?
[07:23] Auri
What do you mean, "finally"?!
[07:24] Auri
It was just a guy falsely accusing me
because I slept with his wife!
[07:28] Giriko
How much is your bounty?
[07:30] Auri
Don't try to sell me!
And the charges were dropped!
[07:33] Fennel
You should've taken the opportunity
to atone for all your crimes.
[07:37] Auri
What did you just say?!
[07:41] Viola
Everyone gets along so well.
[07:43] Alyssa
I-I guess so...
[07:46] Viola
I want to meet Grandma, too.
[07:50] Viola
What kind of person is she?
[07:53] Alyssa
What kind of...
[07:59] Alyssa
...person?
[08:00] Viola
That's the part you're stuck on?!
[08:03] Horned Mother
Mother!
[08:04] Blood-Spewing Mother
Mommy!
[08:05] Phoenix Mother
I am Mother.
[08:06] Alyssa
I'm pretty sure it's not
what you're thinking!
[08:09] Alyssa
Like I said before, she's a very free spirit!
[08:12] Viola
Free spirit?
[08:14] Alyssa
You could say she's hard to pin down...
or maybe hard to understand...
[08:19] Alyssa
She's sort of mysterious.
[08:25] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
Giving birth is just
the result of the process.
[08:30] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
At least, that's what I think,
[08:34] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
although I'm sure it would
make some people angry.
[08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
I won't say anything
against those who revere it,
[08:41] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
and I know from experience how hard it is.
[08:45] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
But there isn't necessarily a direct
connection between blood ties and love.
[08:51] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
So only two things are important:
[08:56] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
taking responsibility for another life,
[08:59] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
and wishing the best for them.
[09:04] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
Perfectly simple, right?
[09:06] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
There are plenty of people in this
world who can't do those things,
[09:09] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
or who stop being able to.
[09:12] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
But you?
[09:15] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
I believe that you can.
[09:21] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
That's my answer to your question
"Aren't you against me raising a child?"
[09:26] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
Any other questions?
[09:28] (Flashback) Alyssa
N-No, that's okay!
[09:32] (Flashback) Alyssa
Oh, sorry. It's okay, honey.
[09:35] (Flashback) Alyssa
There, there.
[09:38] (Flashback) Alyssa
You're such a good girl.
[09:42] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
I love you, Alyssa.
[09:48] (Flashback) Alyssa's Mother
I wish for your happiness
every moment I live.
[09:59] Alyssa
I guess the shortest description would be,
[10:02] Alyssa
"my mom that I love"!
[10:06] Giriko
Take that!
[10:07] Luna
Poke, poke!
[10:09] Viola
Then...
[10:11] Viola
...what about your dad?
[10:21] Viola
Are you okay, Grandpa?
[10:24] Auri
Yeah...
[10:26] Alyssa
I'm sorry. I'm the one at fault here,
so please stop abusing him.
[10:32] Luna
If you say so, Alyssa.
[10:34] Giriko
Fine.
[10:37] Narrator
The grandfather who got too full of himself
[10:40] Narrator
had been beaten black
and blue in a counterattack.
[10:42] Alyssa
I have an idea!
[10:45] Alyssa
Dad, if you want to know more about Viola,
let's look at some photos!
[10:49] Auri
Nice!
[10:50] Alyssa
Here are the albums!
[10:54] Auri
You sure that isn't an encyclopedia
of world history?
[11:00] Alyssa
Look here!
[11:05] Alyssa
This brings back memories!
Look, isn't this one cute?
[11:09] Auri
Let's have a look.
[11:10] Viola
What is it?
[11:13] Alyssa
She's potty-flying!
[11:15] Viola
Seriously, what?!
[11:22] (Flashback) Alyssa
Over here, Viola! Look this way!
[11:25] Auri
Nice! Your classic "magically
gifted kid" behavior!
[11:30] Auri
You were a prodigy, huh Viola?
[11:32] Viola
Was it like flying on a broomstick?
SIGN Potty
[11:41] Auri
These are adorable! Too good.
[11:45] Alyssa
I'm glad you're enjoying them.
[11:47] Giriko
Shall I narrate a few charming little
anecdotes that photos alone can't convey?
[11:52] Luna
Look here!
[11:54] Alyssa
No, don't work him up!
[11:59] Alyssa
Look, you caused unnecessary violence!
[12:02] Luna
Anyway, those were eventful times.
[12:03] Alyssa
Dad!
[12:07] (Flashback) Alyssa
Viola's talking a lot lately!
[12:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
Maybe she's a genius! I know, I sound silly.
[12:15] (Flashback) Luna
You're such a doting mom.
[12:17] (Flashback) Giriko
Try saying something, honey!
[12:21] (Flashback) Young Viola
Nyonyunee! Maamou aniuu toroaryo numonidaa!
[12:28] (Flashback) Giriko
Sh-She's already chanting
spells at this age?!
[12:31] (Flashback) Luna
She absolutely is a genius.
[12:33] (Flashback) Alyssa
No, that's just baby talk...
[12:37] Alyssa
I told you to stop that!
[12:39] Giriko
Remember how we babysat you
when Alyssa had to be out?
[12:43] Viola
Uh-huh.
[12:45] (Flashback) Giriko
Hey, little Viola!
[12:48] (Flashback) Luna
All right, it's time to tidy up.
[12:51] (Flashback) Giriko
If this place isn't clean, we'll leave!
[12:55] (Flashback) Young Viola
No! Don't leave!
[12:58] (Flashback) Young Viola
I wanna play with aunties forever!
[13:02] (Flashback) Giriko & Luna
Viola...
[13:04] (Flashback) Young Viola
Don't go!
[13:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
I'm home.
[13:07] (Flashback) Young Viola
Mama!
[13:09] (Flashback) Young Viola
Mama!
[13:11] (Flashback) Young Viola
Mama!
[13:14] (Flashback) Young Viola
Mama, Mama!
[13:15] (Flashback) Alyssa
Yes, yes, I'm home.
[13:18] (Flashback) Alyssa
Did you behave yourself?
[13:19] (Flashback) Young Viola
Uh-huh!
[13:20] (Flashback) Alyssa
Thanks, you two.
[13:22] (Flashback) Giriko
Ah...
[13:23] (Flashback) Luna
Right...
[13:25] Giriko
We can't win against true love, huh?
[13:28] Luna
Yes, we're just flings.
[13:31] Viola
Phrasing.
[13:34] Auri
Seriously! Alyssa!
[13:38] Fennel
You should count your blessings.
[13:41] Fennel
With me, she...
[13:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
Well, um, I need to go...
[13:51] (Flashback) Alyssa
Are you okay?
[13:52] (Flashback) Fennel
Go! Before she escapes!
[13:58] Narrator
Several dozen minutes later...
[14:03] (Flashback) Fennel
I'll play with you...
so stop being cranky already...
[14:07] (Flashback) Young Viola
I wanna play pretend witch!
[14:10] (Flashback) Fennel
"Pretend witch"?
[14:19] (Flashback) Young Viola
You be the sacrifice.
[14:21] (Flashback) Fennel
This looks like more than "pretend"!
[14:27] (Flashback) Young Viola
If we can't play witches, then walk!
I wanna walk to town!
[14:30] (Flashback) Fennel
Okay, okay!
[14:37] (Flashback) Young Viola
Walk! Walk in town!
[14:40] (Flashback) Fennel
Hey!
[14:44] (Flashback) Fennel
It's dangerous to just start running.
[14:47] (Flashback) Fennel
Let's go.
[14:48] (Flashback) Young Viola
'Kay!
[14:51] (Flashback) Old Lady
My goodness, you're cute!
[14:54] (Flashback) Old Lady
Are you on a walk with your daddy?
[14:57] (Flashback) Fennel
Aw, well...
[15:01] (Flashback) Young Viola
No. He's a stranger.
[15:03] (Flashback) Fennel
Hey, no, that is not funny!
[15:07] (Flashback) Old Lady
You filthy...
[15:10] (Flashback) Old Lady
...kidnapper!
[15:20] Viola
I never imagined that would happen
if I denied you being my father...
[15:25] Fennel
It's a hard world we live in.
[15:29] Auri
Hearing all this reminds me
of my parenting days.
[15:32] Viola
With Mama?
[15:33] Viola
I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know!
[15:34] Alyssa
Hey!
[15:35] Auri
She's really interested.
[15:35] Viola
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
[15:36] Giriko
Now, now.
[15:38] Luna
Let him do it.
[15:38] Viola
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
[15:41] Auri
Alyssa was the opposite of you.
[15:43] Auri
As a kid, she didn't have much magic,
and she was sick a lot.
[15:47] Auri
She was a regular guest at the hospital.
[15:50] Viola
That sounds hard.
[15:53] Auri
And me...
[15:55] (Flashback) Sentry
You there!
[15:57] (Flashback) Sentry
What's your relationship with that girl?
[16:00] (Flashback) Auri
I was a regular guest of the guards.
[16:03] (Flashback) Auri
Are you blind or stupid?!
I'm obviously her dad!
[16:05] (Flashback) Sentry
What?!
[16:07] Viola
That sounds hard...
[16:09] Auri
But Alyssa was a really together kid.
[16:13] Auri
Even on the rare occasions
she got fretful...
[16:15] (Flashback) Auri
There, there, don't cry.
[16:21] (Flashback) Auri
Look at that cloud!
[16:24] (Flashback) Auri
It looks like poop!
[16:26] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
Adults shouldn't say stuff
like that too loudly.
[16:31] (Flashback) Auri
Not what I envisioned, but you
stopped crying, so it's all good!
[16:35] Luna
That must be thanks to you.
[16:36] Auri
Don't compliment me, silly.
[16:38] Giriko
Children learn from their parents' examples.
[16:45] Auri
Fennel, I never guessed you were
with me on team Constantly Interrogated.
[16:48] Auri
You shoulda told me!
[16:50] Fennel
Don't count me in your sad company.
[16:52] Auri
Huh? All guys get interrogated
when they walk around with kids.
[16:55] Fennel
An actual magnet would
attract less trouble than you!
[17:00] Auri
Wait a sec...
[17:02] Auri
Do you mean the world's fathers don't
all get interrogated over and over
[17:06] Auri
until every guard in their
town recognizes them?
[17:10] Fennel
Glad you got to learn the truth!
[17:14] Luna
I guess he's the type who
doesn't look totally bad alone,
[17:17] Luna
but gets a buff to his Criminality Vibe
when he's with a kid.
[17:22] Giriko
Yep.
[17:23] Auri
What is she, equipment?!
[17:25] Auri
I'm not convinced! I'm going to ask Glind.
[17:29] Fennel
Don't! You'll only get hurt!
[17:31] Glind
Auri? What's up?
[17:34] Auri
Glind! Have you ever been questioned by
guards while you were walking with a kid?
[17:37] Glind
Huh? No.
[17:39] Auri
Die!
[17:39] Alyssa
High-speed rudeness!
[17:41] Auri
Why, dammit?!
[17:42] Giriko
Anyone would question you.
[17:43] Luna
You can't blame them.
[17:45] Auri
Shut up!
[17:46] Viola
Don't be sad, Grandpa.
[17:48] Auri
Viola...
[17:48] Giriko
You should do some self-reflection
about your lifestyle.
[17:51] Phoenix
Is this the uproar which
interrupteth my cleansing?
[17:52] Luna
Exactly.
[17:53] Auri
You'll never know how I feel!
[17:54] Fennel
You're here, too?!
[17:56] Jinn Eel A
Cool!
[17:57] Jinn Eel B
Down!
[17:57] Jinn Eel C
Time!
[17:59] Viola
What do you think?
[18:01] Phoenix
Such a young life. I am most interested.
[18:05] Viola
It's kind of fun to hear
about your own childhood, huh?
[18:09] Alyssa
You're still a child in our eyes.
[18:14] Auri
And you're still a child in my eyes, Alyssa.
[18:18] Auri
Poke, poke!
[18:20] Alyssa
Well, true, but...
[18:23] Auri
And now my little girl is a fine mother.
[18:28] Auri
It's impressive.
[18:32] Phoenix
Indeed. Ye mortals do a fine job.
[18:38] Phoenix
Impressive, when ye are all
but infants in my eyes.
[18:46] Alyssa
Well... true, but...
[18:51] Narrator
This comment from an everlasting being
was so grand in scale
[18:56] Narrator
that the group did not know how to react.
[18:59] All but Phoenix
Huh? What?
[20:58] Viola
Mama! Wait!
[21:01] Alyssa
Viola?
[21:03] Viola
I want to come, too.
[21:05] Alyssa
It's just some shopping.
[21:09] Narrator
Once upon a time, there was
a witch family who lived in a forest.
[21:10] Alyssa
I'll tell you right now,
we're not buying anything extra.
[21:13] Viola
Aw, why not?
[23:08] Viola
I'd like this, please!
[23:11] Proprietor
Well, my goodness.
[23:13] Proprietor
The witch and her apprentice!
[23:15] Viola
Hello!
[23:16] Proprietor
I see you're as close as ever.
[23:21] Viola
Well, yeah, because...
[23:23] Alyssa
...we're family!
[23:28] Proprietor
Your mother and your teacher, huh?
[23:31] Viola
That's right!
[23:33] Phoenix
Mother.
[23:34] Alyssa
We're still being misunderstood!