# E3 - The Evil Magistrate Chapter
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GK9U30V12/the-evil-magistrate-chapter)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] All three**
Hello there!
**[00:05] Kana**
Bull's-eye!
**[00:06] All three**
Nin-nin!
**[00:07] All three**
We're Bullet Kunoichi!
**[00:09] Chitose**
We're gonna let loose!
**[00:10] Iroha**
Ooh!
**[00:11] Kana**
You know, I've been thinking...
**[00:13] Iroha**
About what?
**[00:14] Kana**
I was about to tell you!
**[00:16] Iroha**
Oh, my bad.
**[00:18] Kana**
So I've been thinking about how tough it must
be for people who take over a family business.
**[00:24] [SONG] all**
Yeah!
**[00:24] [SONG] Yomogi**
So, what's comedy?
**[00:25] [SONG] Yayoi**
Yo!
**[00:25] [SONG] Yuzu**
Tough question, for me
**[00:27] [SONG] Yayoi**
What could it be?
It's too far out to see!
**[00:28] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi**
Be! See!
**[00:29] [SONG] Yomogi**
Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
**[00:29] [SONG] Yayoi**
Ye ye, in the zone!
**[00:31] [SONG] Yuzu**
We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
**[00:31] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi**
God! Horizon!
**[00:33] [SONG] Kana**
Wanna see us split into bunshin
**[00:33] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Yeah!
**[00:34] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Bullets!
**[00:34] [SONG] Kana**
And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
**[00:36] [SONG] Kana**
Leave it to comedy ninjas!
**[00:37] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Nin-nin!
**[00:37] [SONG] Saeka**
High society, celebrity
**[00:37] [SONG] Hikari & Mako**
High! Celebrity!
**[00:39] [SONG] Saeka**
The cleanest jokes are our priority
**[00:40] [SONG] Hikari & Mako**
Priority!
**[00:41] [SONG] Miyu**
Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
**[00:42] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Yeah!
**[00:43] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Ah! Ah!
**[00:44] [SONG] Miyu**
Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
**[00:44] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
**[00:46] [SONG] Yuina**
We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
**[00:47] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
Ah Invaders
**[00:48] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
That should tell you all you need to know
**[00:49] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
Need to know!
**[00:50] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Yeah!
**[00:50] [SONG] Yuzu**
Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
**[00:50] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Wai-Wai!
**[00:51] [SONG] Yomogi**
Heat up the timeline!
**[00:51] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Timeline!
**[00:52] [SONG] Yayoi**
Scramble for the win,
we won't give up our pride
**[00:54] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Pride!
**[00:54] [SONG] Yomogi**
Found a new line
**[00:55] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Oh!
**[00:55] [SONG] Yuzu**
Gonna sweep the prime time
**[00:56] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Oh!
**[00:56] [SONG] Yayoi**
Who's on top then?
**[00:58] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Gotta take the Teppen!
**[00:58] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina**
Take it to the top
**[01:00] [SONG] all call**
Doin' it for real!
**[01:00] [SONG] Kana; Saeka**
We'll show you, giving everything
we got, oh yeah
**[01:02] [SONG] all call**
Oh yeah
**[01:03] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina**
Gonna face the challenge head-on
**[01:03] [SONG] all call**
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
**[01:05] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina**
Running straight ahead
**[01:05] [SONG] all call**
Yo! Yo! Yo!
**[01:07] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai**
Take it to the top
**[01:07] [SONG] all call**
Yeah that's right!
**[01:09] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai**
It's show
**[01:10] [SONG] Yomogi**
Don't slow down to hear them
call you funny, not a day
**[01:12] [SONG] Yuzu**
You'll never reach the top that way
**[01:12] [SONG] all call**
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
**[01:14] [SONG] Yayoi**
You know it's true, what we say
**[01:16] [SONG] all call**
Hey!
**[01:17] [SONG] all sing**
But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
**[01:20] [SONG] all call**
Yeah! Yeah!
**[01:23] [SONG] all sing**
That's not why we're here
It's much bigger, bigger than all that
**[01:26] [SONG] all call**
All that
**[01:27] [SONG] all sing**
We want to get
**[01:27] [SONG] all call**
We want to get, yeah!
**[01:30] [SONG] all sing**
At last the genuine reason
we're living in this world
**[01:30] [SONG] all call**
At last the genuine reason
we're living in this world
**[01:35] [SONG] all sing**
Yeah if we are the ones
that are making you laugh
**[01:35] [SONG] all call**
Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
**[01:40] [SONG] all sing**
We gotta go so hard it'll really,
really give us that, you know?
**[01:44] [SONG] all sing**
Top of the laugh
**[01:44] [SONG] all call**
Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
**[01:47] [SONG] all sing**
At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
We're gonna make it to the top one day!
**[01:47] [SONG] all call**
At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
**[01:52] [SONG] Yayoi**
Aw yeah!
***SIGN*** The Evil Magistrate Chapter
**[01:58] Seiji**
All right. Ready?
**[02:00] Seiji**
Start!
**[02:01] Mako**
Ugh!
**[02:02] Miyu**
Guts!
**[02:03] Yayoi**
Heavy...
**[02:03] Kana**
Hngh!
**[02:05] Yuina**
No way!
**[02:05] Kana**
Uwah!
***SIGN*** Winner
**[02:10] Iroha**
Ooh!
**[02:11] Chitose**
All right, ya got it!
**[02:12] Kana**
Oh yeah!
**[02:13] Yayoi**
We lost.
**[02:14] Miyu**
Check it out! Ibaraki wins!
**[02:16] Hina**
Oh boy. What right do people from
Ibaraki have to win *anything*?
**[02:20] Misao**
They have every right!
**[02:22] Seiji**
Hmm. It's settled, then.
**[02:24] Seiji**
The teams appearing on the variety show
are Akudare Kingdom and Bullet Kunoichi.
**[02:28] Yayoi**
TV? That's so cool. I wish we could go, too.
**[02:32] Seiji**
That's just how it is.
**[02:33] Seiji**
The program said they
can only use two teams.
**[02:37] Seiji**
You haven't even qualified for
the Teppen Grand Prix yet,
**[02:40] Seiji**
so just be grateful you even
had a chance to get on TV.
**[02:44] Yomogi**
Don't worry about it.
**[02:44] Yuzu**
I'm sure we'll get another chance.
**[02:47] Hikari**
We have a visitor.
**[02:48] Hikari**
It's for Chitose-chan
from Bullet Kunoichi.
**[02:50] Chitose**
For me?
**[02:52] Chitose**
Oh...
**[02:55] Reporter**
We're from *Monthly Comedy Road*.
Are you Amano Chitose-san?
**[02:58] Chitose**
Yeah...
**[03:00] Iroha**
Huh?
**[03:02] Iroha**
I'm home.
**[03:04] Kana**
Welcome back.
**[03:06] Kana**
Do you know who came to see Chitose-senpai?
**[03:08] Iroha**
No, I don't.
**[03:10] Iroha**
What the heck are you doing?
**[03:12] Kana**
Well you know, I just realized that
going on TV could be really risky.
**[03:17] Iroha**
What do you mean?
**[03:18] Kana**
They say there are three people in the
world who look just like you, right?
**[03:22] Kana**
What if, just what if, one of the people
who looks like me is a mafia don?
**[03:26] Kana**
If that person gets assassinated,
**[03:29] Kana**
and the organization starts looking
for a new boss to replace them...
**[03:33] Kana**
*Hello there!*
**[03:34] Mafia**
She is the boss!
**[03:36] Kana**
They'll rope me into being
an organized crime boss!
**[03:39] Iroha**
That makes sense.
**[03:40] Kana**
But I don't wanna!
**[03:41] Kana**
So yeah, I think I gotta
learn to protect myself.
**[03:45] Iroha**
Hmm. I like your resolve.
**[03:48] Iroha**
If that's what you're doing,
I think I can help.
**[03:50] Kana**
Really? Thanks, Iroha-senpai!
**[03:52] Iroha**
Strength comes from the hips and legs!
**[03:54] Iroha**
Start off with some Bulgarian squats!
**[03:58] Chitose**
I'm home.
**[03:59] Kana**
Eek! My legs are wobbling!
**[04:02] Chitose**
What are you doing?
***SIGN*** Akudare Kingdom
**[04:05] Hina**
*Girls, Girls, Girls*.
**[04:07] Hina**
The girls' variety program that
features all the latest girls.
**[04:10] Misao**
And this time they're featuring
the girls of comedy.
**[04:14] Misao**
That's why they reached out to us.
**[04:16] Hina**
I've never heard of this show.
**[04:17] Misao**
Sounds like it only airs late
night in the Kansai region.
**[04:20] Misao**
It ain't for folks from Ibaraki.
**[04:22] Hina**
It says the girls compete
in different mini-games,
**[04:25] Hina**
and whoever's funniest gets to sing a song.
**[04:29] Hina**
Why a song?
**[04:30] Misao**
No clue. But going on a variety show?
**[04:33] Misao**
I get nervous just thinking about it.
**[04:36] Misao**
Don't you, Miyu?
**[04:37] Misao**
Miyu? What's wrong?
**[04:41] Miyu**
It says the evening reruns of
*Mito Komon Neo* are ending this week!
**[04:46] Misao**
Seriously?!
**[04:47] Misao**
Ibaraki is famous for *Mito Komon Neo*!
**[04:48] Misao**
It's a show with more than
fifty years of history!
**[04:51] Miyu**
Those nincompoops!
**[04:53] Miyu**
It was always my dream
to become a big producer
**[04:56] Miyu**
and make a Hollywood version
of *Mito Komon Neo*!
**[04:59] Misao**
I don't think there's much *Mito* to that!
**[05:02] Miyu**
If the reruns stop, Komon-sama's
popularity will drop.
**[05:06] Miyu**
And then the Hollywood version
goes from greenlit to yellowlit.
**[05:09] Hina**
I don't think it was ever
on the traffic light at all.
**[05:11] Misao**
Hmph. But I never expected
*Mito Komon Neo* to end.
**[05:16] Misao**
Why, all of a sudden?
**[05:17] Hina**
Oh. Maybe this explains it.
**[05:19] Miyu**
Show me!
**[05:20] Miyu**
"The popular Kansai-region
show *Girls, Girls, Girls*
**[05:24] Miyu**
will be aired in an evening time
slot on national network TV."
**[05:27] Miyu**
"In some regions, the program will
replace *Mito Komon Neo*..." What!?
**[05:31] Misao**
And that program is...
**[05:33] Hina**
The variety show we're appearing in.
**[05:35] Mizao**
Miyu?
**[05:37] Mizao**
Hey!
**[05:38] Miyu**
That settles it.
**[05:39] Hina**
Settles what?
**[05:40] Miyu**
Komon-sama doesn't deserve to be wiped out!
**[05:43] Miyu**
I'll save *Mito Komon Neo* myself! Just watch!
**[05:46] Misao**
Save it? How are you gonna do that?
**[05:48] Miyu**
In the show we're going on, if we
do well we get to sing, right?
**[05:52] Miyu**
Then we'll get picked and
sing our hearts out.
**[05:56] Miyu**
We'll sing the *Mito Komon Neo* theme song!
**[05:59] Miyu**
Everyone will remember how
awesome *Mito Komon Neo* is,
***SIGN*** Let us watch
Mito Komon Neo!
***SIGN*** Cancel the finale!
***SIGN*** Komon-sama is
invincible!
***SIGN*** Crush 'em!
**[06:03] Miyu**
and then there's no way the show will end!
**[06:05] Hina**
I don't think that's how anything works.
**[06:07] Miyu**
This is Ibaraki Prefecture's first
step toward conquering Japan!
**[06:12] Miyu**
Save the Komon-sama!
There ain't no other way!
**[06:16] Misao**
She's on fire.
**[06:21] Chitose**
What the heck? You gotta be kidding!
**[06:23] Chitose**
Goodwill ambassador or treadmill capacitor?
**[06:24] Chitose**
You can't win a sword duel with lip balm!
**[06:29] Iroha**
Tearin' it up as always.
**[06:31] Iroha**
Not sure when you'd use some
of that wordplay, though.
**[06:34] Chitose**
Iroha... What are you doing here?
**[06:36] Iroha**
I wanted to ask you something.
**[06:38] Iroha**
Those people were from a
comedy magazine, right?
**[06:40] Iroha**
I overheard some of it.
**[06:44] Chitose**
Oh.
**[06:45] Iroha**
Was it for an article or something?
**[06:47] Iroha**
But then why'd they only talk to you?
**[06:49] Chitose**
Who knows? Maybe they thought I look funny.
**[06:52] Chitose**
It's getting chilly. I'm going back.
**[06:58] Iroha**
Her lies are as bad as those jokes.
**[07:02] Iroha**
The filming location was
supposed to be around here.
***SIGN*** The Next Day
**[07:05] Chitose**
Hmm? What's going on?
**[07:08] Men**
Stop!
**[07:09] Man**
What?!
**[07:11] Kana**
Oh no! It's the mafia guys!
I don't wanna be the boss!
**[07:15] Kana**
Huh?
**[07:16] Man**
Wha!
**[07:17] Man**
L-Let me go! I didn't do anything!
**[07:20] Man**
S-Stop it! Let me go!
***SIGN*** Restaurant
**[07:23] Misao**
What the...
**[07:24] Akudai**
We're manhunting.
**[07:27] Iroha**
Aren't you that producer...?
**[07:29] Akudai**
I'm Akudai Kan.
**[07:31] Akudai**
Welcome to the *Girls, Girls, Girls* shoot.
**[07:34] Miyu**
"A-Aku daikan"? Like, the evil magistrate
who's Komon-sama's arch enemy?
***SIGN*** Akudai Kan
**[07:39] Akudai**
It's Akudai Kan. Make no mistake, cuties.
**[07:44] Chitose**
But what's this about manhunting?
**[07:46] Chitose**
That isn't a word you hear every day.
**[07:48] Akudai**
Well, I'm aiming for a show
that's nothing but cute girls
**[07:52] Akudai**
giggling and chattering away.
It'll be paradise!
**[07:55] Akudai**
It'll be like an amusement
park full of girls!
**[07:58] Akudai**
A zoo full of girls!
**[08:00] Akudai**
All the viewers want to see
are cute girls, you know.
**[08:04] Akudai**
So I pull all the men from the
streets whenever we're shooting.
**[08:09] Akudai**
If there's even one man on screen,
we'll get flamed online!
**[08:11] Kana**
But you don't count?
**[08:13] Akudai**
The viewers project themselves onto me.
**[08:15] Akudai**
That's how they can imagine themselves
as being a part of this girls' world.
**[08:19] Akudai**
So I'm fine.
**[08:20] Chitose**
I don't get it.
**[08:22] Akudai**
All right! Now that the distractions
are gone, we can start the shoot!
**[08:28] Akudai**
Let's make something special, my girls!
**[08:31] Akudai**
Okay then, the first challenge is...
**[08:34] Akudai**
"Quiz, Dash, Splash"!
**[08:36] Kana**
We got this!
**[08:37] Miyu**
We ain't losing!
**[08:38] Akudai**
The rules are simple.
***SIGN*** Girls!!
Girls!!!
**[08:40] Akudai**
If you think the statement
is true, run to the O.
**[08:44] Akudai**
If you think it's false, run to
the X. And dive right through!
**[08:47] Akudai**
If you run through the wrong wall,
**[08:49] Akudai**
there will be a penalty waiting
for you, so do be careful!
**[08:52] Kana**
We're going first.
**[08:54] Akudai**
First problem!
**[08:55] Akudai**
Grade schooler Mayumi-chan
started running to a junk shop
***SIGN*** Grade schooler Mayumi-chan started running to a junk shop
20 kilometers away at a speed of 4 kph.
An hour and a half after Mayumi-chan started,
an RS400 android took off in pursuit at a speed of 90 kph.
Mayumi-chan went straight to the junk shop,
not knowing that if the RS400 caught up,
it'd tear poor Mayumi-chan to pieces.
**[08:58] Akudai**
20 kilometers away at a speed of 4 kph.
**[09:00] Akudai**
An hour and a half after Mayumi-chan started,
**[09:01] Akudai**
an RS400 android took off in
pursuit at a speed of 90 kph.
**[09:03] Akudai**
Mayumi-chan went straight to the junk shop,
**[09:06] Akudai**
not knowing that if the RS400 caught up,
**[09:09] Akudai**
it'd tear poor Mayumi-chan to pieces.
**[09:09] Kana**
Isn't this a little long?
**[09:10] Akudai**
Here's the question: Mayumi-chan
is a girl. True or false?
**[09:16] Kana**
* Considering the producer and the*
* runner's name, the answer has to be "true."*
**[09:21] Kana**
* But this is a variety show. The whole point*
* is making someone get the penalty.*
**[09:25] Kana**
*So the one I gotta choose is...*
**[09:29] Kana**
* Mud? Or super-hot water? This is*
* my chance to show what I got!*
**[09:33] Akudai**
The correct answer is "true"!
"False" is incorrect!
**[09:34] Kana**
Come on!
**[09:37] Akudai**
The penalty waiting on the other side is...
**[09:40] Akudai**
A very high-quality mattress!
**[09:42] Kana**
Huh?
**[09:43] Akudai**
The cover of the mattress is
made from delicate 100% silk.
***SIGN*** Delicate 100% Silk
***SIGN*** Hungarian Down
**[09:47] Akudai**
The luxurious fabric will
envelop your body in comfort.
**[09:49] Akudai**
Additionally, the mattress padding
is made of Hungarian down,
**[09:53] Akudai**
giving the mattress warmth and support
**[09:55] Akudai**
that will keep you comfortable even in winter.
**[09:58] Kana**
Um...
**[10:00] Misao**
The penalty is way too easy!
**[10:03] Chitose**
What the heck? It's usually a mud pit!
**[10:05] Chitose**
Or super-hot water! Or a bed of nails!
**[10:07] Iroha**
Wouldn't a bed of nails be fatal?
**[10:09] Akudai**
They're so strict about regulations
and compliance these days.
**[10:12] Akudai**
And personally, I don't want any
scenes of girls getting dirty.
**[10:16] Chitose**
We don't need that type of kindness!
**[10:18] Chitose**
Besides, look at Kana!
**[10:19] Chitose**
She froze up because she doesn't
know how to have a funny reaction!
**[10:22] Chitose**
Her body might be totally relaxed,
but as a comedian, she's dying!
**[10:26] Akudai**
Ugh, fine. In that case, I'll make
it just a little bit painful.
**[10:30] Akudai**
Next problem!
**[10:32] Akudai**
Akari-chan is a cyborg.
***SIGN*** Akari-chan is a cyborg.
While Akari-chan is defeating
7 monsters and 47 combatants,
the evil organization manufactures
another 5 monsters and 70 combatants.
**[10:33] Akudai**
While Akari-chan is defeating
7 monsters and 47 combatants,
**[10:37] Akudai**
the evil organization manufactures
another 5 monsters and 70 combatants.
**[10:40] Akudai**
Akari-chan is a girl. True or false?
**[10:42] Chitose**
Seriously, that's way too much
info for the question!
**[10:45] Kana**
* The answer is "true." But I gotta*
* dive again for the laughs!*
**[10:50] Akudai**
The correct answer is "true"!
"False" is incorrect!
**[10:52] Kana**
*Let me have it this time!*
**[10:54] Akudai**
The penalty waiting on the other side is...
**[10:57] Akudai**
A very high-quality mattress
with black feathers!
**[11:00] Kana**
Huh?
**[11:02] Akudai**
Jet-black feathers that suggest
the frolicking of fallen angels.
**[11:05] Akudai**
Will their fluttering envelop
the world in darkness?
**[11:08] Akudai**
For people who enjoy a goth atmosphere,
**[11:11] Akudai**
we recommend this lovely mattress
covered in black feathers.
**[11:14] Akudai**
Black feathers, that cringy
symbol of adolescent angst!
**[11:17] Akudai**
Doesn't that bring back painful memories?
**[11:18] Chitose**
That isn't the right kind of pain!
**[11:21] Kana**
* I don't know how to have a*
* funny reaction to this.*
**[11:25] Akudai**
All right! The next challenge is...
**[11:28] Akudai**
"Smash-and-Helmet Rock-Paper-Scissors"!
**[11:31] Akudai**
Ready? Smash-and-helmet! Rock, paper, scissors!
**[11:35] Iroha**
Take that!
**[11:35] Hina**
Ow!
**[11:36] Miyu**
Hina! You gotta defend!
**[11:38] Hina**
Easy for you to say.
**[11:40] Akudai**
The loser's penalty is to
get her face scribbled on!
**[11:43] Hina**
Eh?!
**[11:46] Akudai**
A deep, luscious lipstick for the fall.
**[11:49] Hina**
Is this really me?
**[11:51] Misao**
That's not scribbling!
**[11:52] Misao**
You just gave her a makeover!
**[11:54] Miyu**
Yeah! You gotta scribble "meat" or
"poop" or something on her forehead!
**[11:58] Akudai**
How could we write anything
so crude on our girls?
**[12:01] Akudai**
Compliance!
**[12:03] ---**
All right, round two!
**[12:05] Akudai**
Smash-and-helmet! Rock, paper, scissors!
**[12:07] Iroha**
Take that!
**[12:08] Hina**
Aaah!
**[12:09] Akudai**
Penalty!
**[12:11] Akudai**
A subtly alluring eye shadow.
**[12:14] Hina**
Is this the true me?
**[12:15] Miyu**
Each time she loses,
Hina becomes more of a babe.
**[12:19] Misao**
This is about as far from
a penalty as you can get.
**[12:25] Kana**
Reporters? A-Are they photographing me?
**[12:28] Kana**
Oh, I gotta look pretty!
**[12:30] Chitose**
No. They're only after me.
**[12:33] Kana**
Huh? After you, Chitose-senpai?
That's great!
**[12:36] Chitose**
Not really. It isn't great at all.
**[12:40] Iroha**
Chitose?
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
***SIGN*** Grande Olde Performance Hall
**[12:44] Chisato**
What the heck!
**[12:45] Yuina**
We came here to study, but pro
comedians really are amazing!
**[12:50] Mone**
I wonder if these two are special, though.
**[12:53] Mone**
The Otoris, Kagero and Chisato.
**[12:55] Mone**
They're a legendary married manzai duo
that's been performing for 30 years.
**[12:58] Chihori**
Thirty years, huh? That's longer than
the life expectancy on Jupiter.
**[13:02] Chisato**
You've been great today!
**[13:04] Kagero**
Are we done?
**[13:05] Chisato**
Actually, we have some news we'd
like to share with you all today.
**[13:08] Chisato**
Our daughter is performing in the
qualifiers for the Teppen Grand Prix!
**[13:13] Yuina**
Daughter?
**[13:14] Kagero**
Everyone, please give our daughter,
Amano Chitose, your support.
**[13:18] All three**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***SIGN*** Bullet Kunoichi
***SIGN*** National Junior High Stand-Up Competition
**[13:25] (Flashback) Reporter A**
That was the highlight of the show!
**[13:27] (Flashback) Reporter B**
Anything to say to your parents?
**[13:29] Reporter A**
I guess the genius comedy duo
DNA isn't just for show.
**[13:30] Chitose**
Those people didn't come to see my routine.
**[13:32] Chitose**
They came for the story about
my ma and pa supporting me.
**[13:38] Chitose**
"A real thoroughbred.
**[13:39] Chitose**
Did your parents teach you comedy?
Did they write your skits for you?"
**[13:43] Chitose**
The same questions over
and over. So annoying.
**[13:46] Chitose**
Even though it's my own
work that got me there.
**[13:52] Chitose**
My old partners hated that
and kept quitting on me.
**[13:56] Chitose**
I feel pretty bad about that.
**[13:57] Iroha**
So the reporters earlier...?
**[14:00] Chitose**
They said they were following the miracle
story of the "thoroughbred" high schooler
**[14:03] Chitose**
who was about to dominate
the Teppen Grand Prix.
**[14:05] Chitose**
Even though there's no guarantee I'll win.
**[14:08] Chitose**
It's so stupid.
**[14:13] Iroha**
Why didn't you tell anyone until now?
**[14:15] Chitose**
Well, it's a nuisance, right?
**[14:17] Chitose**
Because of me, they might start
spreading rumors about you, too.
**[14:21] Chitose**
And if we win, they probably won't
give us any real credit for it.
**[14:25] Chitose**
I kept refusing their interview requests...
but they're so persistent.
**[14:29] Iroha**
Hmm. So you thought we'd turn
out like your other partners?
**[14:33] Iroha**
Both Kana and me?
**[14:37] Chitose**
I guess so. I think I was just scared.
**[14:40] Chitose**
I thought I'd end up alone
again if you found out.
**[14:44] Chitose**
That's why I just couldn't tell you.
**[14:50] Chitose**
I'm sorry. I know it looks
like I was lying to you.
**[14:54] Chitose**
If you want to quit, I've got
no right to stop you.
**[14:57] Chitose**
You don't have to stay for my sake.
**[15:05] Kana**
I won?
**[15:06] Akudai**
Yeah. I decided to pick
you to sing at the end.
**[15:10] Kana**
But shouldn't that go to the
girl who was funniest?
**[15:14] Akudai**
Nah, it's fine, it's fine.
**[15:16] Akudai**
Nobody watches girl variety
shows to see them be funny.
**[15:20] Kana**
Huh?
**[15:21] Akudai**
To be honest, I don't
really care about comedy.
**[15:24] Akudai**
Girls just need to be cute.
**[15:26] Akudai**
And that's what I thought
the first time I saw you.
**[15:29] Akudai**
You've got a thing about you, girl!
**[15:31] Akudai**
This is our chance! With me producing,
we'll make you an idol!
**[15:40] Saeka**
It's so peaceful today.
**[15:42] Hikari**
Oh? Are you going out?
**[15:44] Yomogi**
Yeah. My folks' takoyaki restaurant
got a huge take-out order.
**[15:48] Yayoi**
We're going to help!
**[15:50] Mako**
Should I go, too?
**[15:51] Yomogi**
Sure, but you won't get paid for it.
**[15:54] Mako**
Never mind, then.
**[15:55] Yuzu**
All right, we're off.
**[15:58] Saeka**
See you later.
**[16:05] Hina**
W-We're really gonna do this?
**[16:07] Misao**
Don't have a choice. Once she
gets going, there's no stopping her.
**[16:11] (Flashback) Miyu**
If it ends like this, we won't get our
chance to sing Komon-sama's song.
**[16:14] (Flashback) Misao**
No kidding. We didn't stand out at all.
**[16:18] (Flashback) Miyu**
Our only chance is to do it subliminally!
**[16:20] (Flashback) Hina**
What do you mean?
**[16:22] (Flashback) Miyu**
We'll instill the producer's mind
with good thoughts about Ibaraki.
**[16:25] (Flashback) Miyu**
If it works, a last-minute reversal
isn't out of the question!
**[16:27] (Flashback) Misao**
But how are we gonna do it?
**[16:39] Miyu**
* The best way to impress him*
* is with a taste of Ibaraki.*
**[16:42] Miyu**
*Nothing beats monkfish stew for that!*
**[16:46] Miyu**
*Slowly, slowly...*
**[16:50] Miyu**
*Oh crap!*
**[16:51] Akudai**
Ow!
**[16:52] Akudai**
I dreamed some bullies gave me a
cigarette burn on my face.
**[16:55] Akudai**
What the...? Huh?
**[16:58] Miyu**
* Monkfish stew isn't gonna work.*
* In that case...*
***SIGN*** Yam Jerky
**[17:04] Miyu**
* I'll give him a taste of*
* dried Ibaraki taters.*
**[17:09] Miyu**
*Slowly, slowly...*
**[17:11] Miyu**
Oh dang!
**[17:12] Akudai**
Aaah!
**[17:16] ---**
I don't know why,
**[17:17] Akudai**
but I've suddenly developed
an irrational hatred for Ibaraki.
**[17:21] Miyu**
I-It's all in your head!
Don't pay attention to that!
**[17:24] Hina**
Looks like you just instilled hatred.
**[17:26] Misao**
Sure does.
**[17:28] Akudai**
Let's put that behind us.
**[17:31] Akudai**
The final challenge is
"Girls' Paintball Match"!
**[17:33] Akudai**
Let's do it all cute and fluffy!
**[17:35] Chitose**
Huh? Where's Kana?
**[17:37] Kana**
Thanks for waiting!
**[17:40] Iroha**
Kana?!
**[17:41] Chitose**
You're an Amazon now?!
**[17:44] Akudai**
Paintball match, start!
**[17:47] Kana**
Gotcha!
**[18:13] Akudai**
Stop!
**[18:14] Akudai**
What's with the primitive battle tactics?!
**[18:17] Akudai**
This isn't the survival game I wanted!
**[18:19] Akudai**
I mean, it isn't cute at all!
**[18:22] Kana**
I don't care.
**[18:23] Akudai**
Don't you wanna sing?
**[18:25] Kana**
I think it would feel great.
**[18:28] Kana**
But once I started singing, the big
management companies would come knocking.
**[18:31] Kana**
I'd get my idol debut, crush a coliseum tour,
and then make it big in North America.
**[18:37] Kana**
But I don't wanna be an idol!
**[18:41] Kana**
I wanna do comedy!
**[18:42] Akudai**
Huh?
**[18:43] Kana**
When I was still living in my
own world and creeping everyone out,
**[18:47] Kana**
Chitose-senpai told me I was funny.
**[18:49] Kana**
She invited me to do comedy with her!
**[18:52] Kana**
She gave me a purpose.
**[18:55] Chitose**
Kana...
**[18:56] Kana**
I don't care about being cute.
**[18:57] Kana**
I wanna stick with my awesome senpais
and make the entire world laugh!
**[19:02] Akudai**
Why am I the target?!
**[19:04] Iroha**
Do you remember, Chitose, back when
we started Kunoichi as a duo?
**[19:05] ---**
Get back here!
**[19:06] ---**
Stop it! No, no, no!
**[19:10] ---**
Get back here, you villain!
**[19:10] Iroha**
We did all right, but after a while,
it felt like we hit a wall.
**[19:13] ---**
Leave me alone!
**[19:14] Iroha**
That's when we found Kana.
**[19:17] Iroha**
She kept acting crazy and
screwing up our rhythm,
**[19:21] Iroha**
like a bullet ricocheting all around!
**[19:24] Iroha**
I thought we could go
even further with her.
**[19:27] Iroha**
That's why we teamed up, remember?
As Bullet Kunoichi.
**[19:30] Iroha**
This thing you've pulled together
**[19:32] Iroha**
won't be torn apart that easily.
**[19:35] Chitose**
That's right.
**[19:37] Iroha**
We can do it. The three of us.
**[19:39] Iroha**
Bust through all the adults' tiny
imaginations and narrow boundaries,
**[19:43] Iroha**
and reach even higher!
**[19:45] Chitose**
You're right!
**[19:48] Chitose**
We'll make it happen!
**[19:50] Miyu**
If you guys are gonna get so
serious about it, then so are we!
**[19:55] Miyu**
Suke-san, Kaku-san, let's have at 'em!
**[19:57] Hina & Misao**
Yeah!
**[19:58] Miyu**
There!
**[20:00] Kana**
Give it all you got!
**[20:01] Akudai**
I don't get it! This isn't cute at all!
**[20:06] Kana**
Carrying on the family business.
**[20:08] Kana**
means you're always
compared to your parents!
**[20:10] Kana**
My parents sold table fans,
**[20:12] Kana**
and people always told me I didn't
get around as much as they did.
**[20:15] Iroha**
Am I doing stand-up with appliances?
**[20:18] Chitose**
I get your point, but does it really
matter who your parents are?
**[20:21] Chitose**
You gotta shatter everyone's expectations
**[20:23] Chitose**
and reach higher than anyone
ever imagined you could.
**[20:26] Chitose**
That's been my bright idea.
**[20:27] Kana**
You're so positive, it's blinding me!
**[20:29] Kana**
Did your parents do work with light bulbs?
**[20:31] Chitose**
What are you on about?
**[20:32] Chitose**
Time to switch you off.
**[20:35] All three**
Thanks, everyone!
**[20:52] Akudai**
This isn't what I...
**[20:54] Akudai**
What happened to my cute paradise?
**[20:57] Yomogi**
We've brought your food order!
**[20:59] Yomogi**
Delicious takoyaki! Get it while it's... hot?
**[21:03] Yayoi**
What happened here?
**[21:04] Yuzu**
Was there a battle or something?
**[21:06] Yomogi**
Oh!
**[21:07] Yomogi**
Um, are you all right?
**[21:17] Akudai**
I've found them!
**[21:20] Yomogi**
Huh?
**[21:21] Akudai**
You are my ideal girl!
**[21:23] Akudai**
Sing for me on my show!
**[21:26] Yomogi**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** Girls Girls Girls
**[21:35] Yomogi**
* You were fished out of the*
* ocean around Akashi one day*
**[21:38] Yayoi & Yuzu**
*You're so fresh*
**[21:39] Yomogi**
* The batter with that broth flavor,*
* that's from the mix I made*
**[21:44] Yayoi & Yuzu**
*So nice and thin*
**[21:45] Yomogi**
*I'll grill you up so good this time*
**[21:48] Yomogi**
* Crisp outside, but fluffy inside,*
* that's the way*
**[21:53] All three**
*Tastes so right*
**[21:55] Akudai**
I've found my new path in life!
**[22:01] Yuzu & Yayoi**
Hee hee hee!
**[22:03] Yomogi**
I'll never live this down.
**[22:10] Yomogi**
*That hopeless feeling makes you blue*
**[22:15] Yomogi**
* When things don't turn*
* out like they should*
**[22:17] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*It's hot, it's hot*
**[22:18] Yomogi**
*So I'll make it hot, but you won't cry*
**[22:22] Yomogi**
*I know that's how you'll want to have it*
**[22:27] Yomogi**
*Don't hide it away, that's what they say*
**[22:28] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*There's one in every home*
**[22:31] Yomogi**
*It's such a basic thing, you see*
**[22:34] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*The takoyaki grill*
**[22:35] Yomogi**
* You've got to think about how*
* meaningless the days feel*
**[22:39] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*Your recipe*
**[22:40] Yomogi**
*When it's left dusty*
**[22:44] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*Tastes so right*
**[22:45] Yomogi**
* I'll hold your leg so tightly*
* and stay real close to you*
**[22:49] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*Hug your leg*
**[22:50] Yomogi**
* I know I won't be able to see*
* when you turn red though*
**[22:54] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*Well, that's true*
**[22:55] Yomogi**
*But once I've got us held together so tight*
**[22:57] Yuzu & Yayoi**
*Takoyaki*
**[22:59] Yomogi**
*That's when we're truly one, you know*
**[23:02] Yomogi**
* You were fished out of the*
* ocean around Akashi one day*
**[23:05] Yayoi & Yuzu**
*You're so fresh*
**[23:06] Yomogi**
* The batter with that broth flavor,*
* that's from the mix I made*
**[23:11] Yayoi & Yuzu**
*So nice and thin*
**[23:12] Yomogi**
*I'll grill you up so good this time*
**[23:15] Yomogi**
* Crisp outside, but fluffy inside,*
* that's the way*
**[23:19] Yayoi & Yuzu**
*We bought some*
**[23:23] All three**
*Tastes so right*
***SIGN*** The Salon Chapter