Season 1

E1 - The Chicken Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] MC
    The Teppen Grand Prix!
SIGN    The Outstanding Social Innovation Group
SIGN    Café Stars
SIGN    Okonomiyaki
[00:06] MC
    Hot-blooded high school students
    from every corner of Japan
SIGN    Snacks & Coffee
[00:09] MC
    gather to test out their
    manzai comedy skills.
[00:13] MC
    Only one group will make it to the top,
[00:16] MC
    but they will all pour every ounce of their
    youthful passion into this dream competition!
[00:21] MC
    Following solos and duos, there is
    now a trios category as well!
[00:27] MC
    Use all of your strength to reach the
    pinnacle of comedy—the Teppen!
[00:34] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:34] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:35] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:36] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:37] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:38] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:39] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:39] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:41] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:41] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:43] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:43] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:44] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:44] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:46] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:47] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:47] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:47] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:49] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:50] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[00:52] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[00:52] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[00:53] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[00:54] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[00:54] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[00:56] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[00:57] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[00:58] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[00:59] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:00] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:00] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:00] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:01] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:01] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:02] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:04] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:05] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:05] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:05] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:07] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:07] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:08] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:08] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:10] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:11] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:12] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:13] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:13] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:15] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:15] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:17] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:17] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:19] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:20] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:22] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:22] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:24] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:26] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:27] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:33] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:36] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:37] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:37] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:40] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:40] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:45] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:45] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:50] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[01:54] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[01:54] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[01:57] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:57] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:02] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Chicken Chapter
[02:12] all three
    Hello!
[02:14] Yayoi
    I'm Yayoi.
[02:15] Yomogi
    I'm Yomogi.
[02:16] Yuzu
    I'm Yuzu.
[02:17] Yuzu
    Y!
[02:17] Yayoi
    Y!
[02:18] Yomogi
    Y!
[02:18] all three
    We're Young Wai-Wai!
[02:20] Yayoi
    Hopefully you can at least remember
    our names and aura colors.
[02:23] Yomogi
    Ain't that asking too much?
[02:25] Yomogi
    You can't expect people
    to be able to see auras.
[02:28] Yuzu
    Yayoi, you aren't even showing yours.
[02:30] Yomogi
    You can see them?!
[02:32] Yayoi
    Anyway, I got into some trouble recently.
[02:34] Yomogi & Yuzu
    What happened?
[02:35] Yayoi
    I broke something really valuable
    that belonged to a friend.
[02:38] Yomogi & Yuzu
    Huh?
[02:38] Yomogi
    That's serious!
[02:44] Seiji
    Yayoi! Yomogi! Yuzu!
[02:48] Seiji
    I know you're in there. Open the door!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[02:53] Seiji
    Come on! If you don't let me in,
     I'll beat the door down!
SIGN    Manager of the Takako-so Manor
SIGN    Tani Seiji
[02:56] Yuzu
    What do we do?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
     Hosono Yuzu
[02:58] Seiji
    I already told you I was coming
     to clean your A/C unit!
[03:01] Yomogi
    What can we do?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
    Takahashi Yomogi
[03:03] Seiji
    I've got to do the other rooms
    too, so open up already!
[03:06] Yayoi
    No! We can't right now!
[03:08] Seiji
    Huh? Why not?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
     Sakamoto Yayoi
[03:11] Yayoi
    The crane says she can't return
    the favor if you look!
[03:13] Yayoi
    She says if you do, she'll pluck
    your eyeballs out with her beak!
[03:16] Seiji
    That's drastic, crane!
    I'll fry you up like chicken!
[03:19] Yuzu
    Wait, I can ex-crane! Crane-a-doodle-doo!
[03:22] Yomogi
    Is that your idea of a crane call?
[03:25] Seiji
    Hmph. Fine, then.
[03:27] Seiji
    I'll do the other rooms first.
[03:29] Seiji
    But if you don't open up when I come back,
     I'll make you do 100 upright rows.
[03:34] Yomogi
    He doesn't understand the
    weight of our crime.
[03:35] all three
    Phew!
[03:36] Yayoi
    That worked for now.
[03:37] Yuzu
    But he'll be back soon. What do we do?
[03:40] Yayoi
    We have to fix it!
[03:41] Yomogi
    I know, but I looked everywhere
    and can't find the head.
[03:44] Yayoi
    Then let's find a replacement
    that will fool him.
[03:46] Yomogi
    A replacement?
[03:49] Yomogi
    That ain't fooling anyone!
[03:51] Yayoi
    We can say the human head deteriorated
    and turned into a bird.
[03:54] Yayoi
    Might be our only chance.
[03:55] Yomogi
    If statue heads deteriorated
    into birds like that,
[03:57] Yomogi
    then every statue of a high school principal
    in Japan would have a bird head!
[04:01] Yuzu
    Then how about this?
[04:03] Yuzu
    If we take it this far, maybe we can
    just say it spontaneously evolved.
[04:07] Yomogi
    No way, no way, no way, no way!
[04:08] Yomogi
    Now it looks like some
    kind of lonely monster.
[04:10] Yomogi
    A homunculus created by a mad scientist!
[04:13] Yayoi
    That's it! If it's a cyborg created by a
    mad scientist, then we're just its victims!
[04:18] Yomogi
    No way! We're in Osaka!
[04:20] Yayoi
    So what?
SIGN    Tokyo
[04:21] Yomogi
    Have you forgotten the history of tokusatsu?
[04:24] Yomogi
    The mad scientist always only attacks Tokyo!
[04:26] Yomogi
    He always ignores Osaka.
[04:28] Mad Scientist
    Osaka? Nah, I'm good.
[04:30] Yuzu & Yayoi
    That's kind of sad.
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
[04:35] Seiji
    My, are they out?
[04:37] Seiji
    Oh dear...
SIGN    Fruit
SIGN    Meat
SIGN    Alcohol
SIGN    Expert Supermarket
SIGN    Members of the General Public Very Welcome
[04:42] Misao
    The A/C unit? Oh, yeah, totally fine.
    Go ahead and let yourself in.
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
     Ushiku Misao
[04:47] Miyu
    But why?!
[04:49] Misao
    Ah, we're out shopping.
[04:51] Miyu
    This ain't acceptable!
[04:51] Misao
    We should be back by dinner, though.
[04:54] Miyu
    Why ain't you selling shoboro
    natto around here?
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
     Komatsuzaki Miyu
[04:57] Employee
    I don't know what to tell you...
[04:59] Miyu
    I went to all of the other stores, too!
[05:02] Hina
    It's soul food from way out
    in the boonies of Ibaraki.
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
    Kasama Hina
[05:06] Hina
    Of course they don't have it.
[05:08] Miyu
    It don't make sense!
[05:09] Miyu
    I always thought shoboro
    natto was our national dish.
[05:12] Miyu
    How could anyone not appreciate the perfect
    union of natto beans and dried daikon strips?
[05:17] Hina
    Well, they say folks in Kansai
    don't eat natto anyway.
[05:20] Misao
    It's unbelievable.
[05:21] Miyu
    I got it!
[05:22] Misao
    Got what?
[05:23] Miyo
    I'll eradicate all the places in the
    country that don't have shoboro natto!
[05:28] Miyo
    To accomplish this, Ibaraki
    should conquer Japan!
[05:31] Misao
    Did it ever cross your mind
    to just make it yourself?
[05:34] Hina
    That ain't gonna work!
[05:36] Hina
    If someone catches us making shoboro natto,
[05:39] Hina
    they'll come yelling, "They're from Ibaraki!"
     And they'll skewer us on bamboo spears.
[05:43] Soldiers
    Ibaraki jerks, go home!
[05:47] Misao
    Not a chance! Folks from Ibaraki
    ain't that oppressed!
[05:50] Miyu
    Yeah! I just want to share shoboro
    natto with the others in the dorm!
[05:54] Hina
    Ya can't! I'm tellin' ya,
    they'll skewer you with spears!
[05:57] Misao
    Why are bamboo spears all you think about?
[05:59] Miyu
    Don't worry about it!
[06:00] Miyu
    As citizens of Ibaraki, Suke-san and
    Kaku-san will have our back!
[06:03] Misao
    Leave Ibaraki's strongest warriors
    out of this stupid battle!
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
[06:09] Kana
    I don't wanna!
[06:10] Chitose
    Hold it!
[06:12] Chitose
    Don't be so selfish! We're going!
[06:14] Kana
    No, I don't wanna!
[06:15] Seiji
    Ouch.
[06:17] Seiji
    Oh my, what fabulous calves.
[06:20] Iroha
    Oh, hi, Manager!
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
    Akishika Iroha
[06:22] Iroha
    Your biceps are looking ripped today!
[06:24] Seiji
    Thank you!
[06:25] Seiji
    But you guys remember there's
    no fighting in the dorm, right?
[06:29] Chitose
    Yeah, but Kana keeps talkin' nonsense.
SIGN    Invaders
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
    Amano Chitose
[06:32] Kana
    I just don't wanna practice
    our routine at the station!
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
     Kiyotsuru Kana
[06:35] Iroha
    Chitose thought it'd be better
    to practice in front of people
[06:39] Iroha
    because that's more like a real show.
[06:40] Seiji
    Do you have a good reason not to?
[06:42] Seiji
    You can tell me. I promise I won't get mad.
[06:44] Kana
    Really?
[06:45] Seiji
    Really.
[06:45] Kana
    I'm, like, so cute, right?
[06:47] Seiji
    My bad. I'm about to lose it.
[06:49] Kana
    If we practice at the station, lots and lots of
    people will crowd around to see me, right?
[06:54] Kana
    Maybe at a scale of tens or
    hundreds of thousands.
[06:58] Kana
    What in the world will I do if they start
    worshiping me or something?
[07:02] Chitose
    Who the heck cares? Just be
    a god or something, then.
[07:04] Kana
    Hey! Is that any way to talk to a god?
[07:07] Chitose
    Back to the starting line, girl!
    You ain't a god yet!
[07:10] Seiji
    Do you mind if I start cleaning the A/C unit?
[07:13] Iroha
    Go right ahead.
[07:15] Yayoi
    I tried all sorts of things,
    but nothing worked.
[07:18] Yomogi
    No kidding.
[07:19] Yuzu
    We've gone so far, I don't even remember
    what we were aiming for in the first place.
[07:23] Yomogi
    No kidding.
[07:24] Yayoi
    At this point, we'll just
    have to flat-out apologize.
[07:27] Yayoi
    Don't worry about it, Yomogi!
[07:29] Yayoi
    I'll go with you to apologize!
[07:30] Yomogi
    Huh? Why are you trying
    to pin the blame on me?
[07:35] Yayoi
    You know what? I actually saw it.
[07:38] Yomogi
    Huh?
[07:39] Yuzu
    Saw it? Saw what?
[07:41] Yayoi
    It was right around when I moved to Osaka.
[07:45] Yomogi
    Hold on! This isn't about the trophy?
[07:46] Yomogi
    How far are you flashing back, anyway?
SIGN    Kagetsu High School
[07:49] Yuzu
    Let's just listen to Yayoi's story for now.
[07:52] (Flashback) Teacher
    Well then, who's next?
[07:53] (Flashback) Yayoi
    That's me!
[07:54] (Flashback) Yayoi
    My name is Sakamoto Yayoi! I love comedy!
[07:57] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I always wanted to live in Namba,
[08:00] (Flashback) Yayoi
    so I took the Kagetsu High School
     entrance exam in Kyoto.
[08:02] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I'm very glad to meet you!
[08:07] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Wow, this stage brings back memories!
[08:17] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Yayoi?
[08:18] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Yomogi?!
[08:19] Yomogi
    It wasn't some battlefield
     reunion like that!
[08:21] Yayoi
    Oh? It wasn't?
[08:23] Yayoi
    I guess my memory's all mixed up.
[08:27] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Hey, do you remember when we
    performed manzai on this stage?
[08:31] (Flashback) Yomogi
    We had so much fun in Konamons.
[08:34] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Hey, wanna do one for old time's sake?
[08:37] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Yeah.
[08:38] (Flashback) Yayoi & Yomogi
    Hello! We're the Konamons!
[08:42] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Standing here again makes me remember...
[08:47] (Flashback) Yayoi
    how exciting it all was back then.
[08:52] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Oh, give me a break!
[08:54] (Flashback) Yayoi & Yomogi
    Thank you very much!
[09:02] (Flashback) Yuzu
    Y'all so funny!
[09:04] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Huh?
[09:05] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Who?
[09:07] (Flashback) Yuzu
    You two'll reach the top, no question!
[09:11] Yomogi
    It was such a surprise when
    Yuzu started talking to us.
[09:15] Yuzu
    Tee hee hee!
[09:16] Yayoi
    Yeah, Yuzu's the one who told us
    to aim for the Teppen Grand Prix.
[09:19] Yayoi
    And we got together right when
    they started the trios category.
[09:24] Yayoi
    It really was destiny!
[09:26] Yomogi
    Sure was.
[09:27] Yuzu
    Yup.
[09:29] Yomogi
    What happened to the story about the trophy?
[09:31] Yayoi & Yuzu
    Ahh!
SIGN    Celebri-Tea
[09:34] Seiji
    Huh?
[09:36] Seiji
    Who in the world gold-plated the door?
[09:38] Seiji
    Huh?
[09:39] Seiji
    What is this?
[09:41] Seiji
    What is going on?
[09:43] Seiji
    Another door.
[09:54] Saeka
    Oh, hello, Manager. I hope you've been well.
[09:56] Saeka
    Would you like to join us for tea?
[09:58] Seiji
    What in the world is this?
[10:01] Saeka
    Isn't it lovely?
[10:02] Saeka
    We were a little cramped,
    so we took the liberty of remodeling.
SIGN    Celebri-Tea
     Yabukita Saeka
[10:06] Seiji
    Who said you could build a castle here?!
[10:09] Saeka
    Oh, dear. Is that not allowed?
[10:10] Seiji
    Of course it isn't!
[10:12] Seiji
    The only expansion I want is a gym!
[10:14] Seiji
    The only addition I want is a Smith machine!
[10:15] Seiji
    Do you under-muscle-stand?
[10:17] Hikari
    I knew it would be a problem.
[10:20] Hikari
    I told you so, Saeka.
SIGN    Celebri-Tea
     Jogasaki Hikari
[10:22] Hikari
    Our lifestyle is simply too
    dazzling for commoners.
[10:26] Mako
    Th-That's right.
SIGN    Celebri-Tea
     Shirakabe Mako
[10:28] Mako
    You need to ease the lower classes
     into it with a sprinkle of gold leaf.
[10:30] Saeka
    Oh, is that right?
[10:36] Seiji
    What do you think you're doing?
[10:37] Seiji
    I'm into body building, not body gilding!
[10:40] Saeka
    Oh, I apologize.
[10:41] Mako
    Sorry, that's because of what I said.
[10:44] Mako
    I'll take the gold leaf off.
[10:47] Mako
    It's pure gold.
    She really lives that celebrity life!
[10:50] Mako
    If I get the flakes off, I can sell them!
[10:52] Mako
    So to do that...
[10:53] Mako
    Manager, in order to get the
    gold off without damaging it,
[10:56] Mako
    would you mind if I peeled off
    about three millimeters of your skin?
[10:59] Seiji
    How can you say something so
    scary with such a straight face?
[11:04] Seiji
    And now what's this? What
    happened to the door?
SIGN    Invaders
[11:07] all three
    Ventla, ventla, space people.
[11:10] all three
    Ventla, ventla, space people.
[11:13] Yuina
    Hey, is this really the
    way to call for a UFO?
SIGN    Invaders
     Rokkatei Yuina
[11:16] Mone
    You better believe it.
    I read about it on the internet.
SIGN    Invaders
     Ishiya Mone
[11:19] Mone
    "When you make a wish to space,
    a dimensional door shall be opened unto you."
[11:23] Yuina
    But a dimensional door, not
    a physical one like this?
[11:26] Mone
    Yuina, talk less. Concentrate more.
[11:29] Chihori
    I really think we should call it off.
SIGN    Invaders
     Hokuto Chihori
[11:32] Chihori
    I don't want to bother them.
[11:34] Chihori
    I mean, it's nap time right now on Mars.
[11:36] Yuina
    Huh? Martians take naps?
[11:39] Chihori
    Yeah, and if you wake them up,
    they throw the remote control at you.
[11:42] Yuina
    Martians throw remote controls, too?
[11:44] Chihori
    What are we gonna say if they show up?
[11:48] Mone
    What are we gonna say?
[11:49] Chihori
    I mean, if we call them,
    they'll assume we had a reason.
[11:52] Chihori
    If we tell them it was for nothing,
    they'll probably get mad.
[11:56] Yuina
    You're right.
[11:56] Chihori
    If someone called me over for
    no reason, I'd get mad, too.
[12:00] Mone
    But what about the guys on TV who
    say they're always calling aliens?
[12:04] Mone
    I bet they don't have any
    reason to call them, either.
[12:07] Chihori
    That's why the aliens have
    recently been passing around
[12:11] Chihori
    a blacklist of all the people
    who call them for no reason.
[12:14] Yuina
    Chihori, you sure know a lot about aliens.
[12:16] Chihori
    Huh? N-No way! This is just common knowledge.
[12:20] Seiji
    Hey, you girls.
[12:21] all three
    Huh?!
[12:22] Seiji
    What are you doing up here?
[12:24] Yuina
    N-Nothing at all.
[12:25] Mone
    Yeah, just corresponding with space.
[12:28] Seiji
    Oh, yeah? That's fine, then.
[12:30] Chihori
    Ah...
[12:31] Seiji
    The hell it is!
[12:32] Seiji
    You can't take the door off its
    hinges without permission!
[12:34] Yuina & Mone
    We're sorry.
[12:36] Chihori
    No! You can't come! Go away!
[12:38] Seiji
    You guys are supposed
    to be the aliens, anyway.
[12:40] Seiji
    What are you calling other aliens for?
[12:42] Chihori
    Sorry! We didn't have a reason.
    We just wanted to try!
[12:45] Yuina
    I told you there's no way
    any aliens would show!
[12:48] Mone
    How are you gonna know if you don't try?
[12:50] Chihori
    Mm-hmm. See ya.
[12:52] Yuina
    What's up, Chihori?
[12:53] Chihori
    Huh? Oh n-n-nothing, really!
[12:55] Yuina
    Weren't you just talking to someone?
[12:57] Chihori
    You're hearing things!
[12:58] Seiji
    All right, let's go back and fix the door.
[13:01] all three
    Okay!
[13:02] Seiji
    Sheesh, giving me so much work to do.
[13:04] Mone
    Aw, I guess the UFO didn't come after all.
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
[13:15] Yayoi
    After forming Young Wai-Wai,
[13:18] Yayoi
    we won the local qualifier
    for the Teppen Grand Prix.
[13:21] Yomogi
    Wait, we're still in a flashback?
[13:23] Yuzu
    L-Let's keep listening.
[13:24] Yayoi
    We were summoned to the Takako-so
    Manor before the nationals started.
[13:29] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Yayoi, hurry up.
[13:31] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Sorry!
[13:34] (Flashback) Yuzu
    So today, we start living here at Takako-so!
[13:38] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I'm so excited.
[13:39] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Yeah.
[13:40] (Flashback) Seiji
    Welcome.
[13:44] (Flashback) Seiji
    I've been waiting for you.
[13:46] (Flashback) all three
    Eek!
[13:47] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Begone, evil spirit!
[13:49] (Flashback) Seiji
    I'm a human! Homo sapiens!
[13:52] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I didn't realize you were the building manager.
[13:54] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I was sure you were some evil spirit that
    existed outside of the human realm.
[13:58] (Flashback) Seiji
    The name's Seiji.
[14:00] (Flashback) Seiji
    Just think of me as the pretty-boy
    manager here at Takako-so.
[14:04] (Flashback) Seiji
    The founders of the Teppen Committee
[14:05] (Flashback) Seiji
    lived here at Takako-so when
    they were just starting out.
[14:08] (Flashback) Seiji
    This apartment building has quite a history.
[14:10] (Flashback) Seiji
    The first floor has the cafeteria,
    baths, and manager's office.
[14:13] (Flashback) Seiji
    The second floor has rooms
    for each of the five groups.
[14:17] (Flashback) Seiji
    And here's the cafeteria.
[14:19] (Flashback) three girls
    Wow!
[14:20] (Flashback) Seiji
    We also use this room as a theater.
[14:23] (Flashback) Seiji
    I know you've heard already,
[14:25] (Flashback) Seiji
    but teams that pass the local qualifiers
    get to live with the other teams
[14:29] (Flashback) Seiji
    at Teppen Committee
    dormitories across the country.
[14:31] (Flashback) Seiji
    The Takako-so here hosts
    five teams, including you.
[14:35] (Flashback) Seiji
    You'll take turns testing your material on
    this stage in front of local stand-up fans.
[14:42] (Flashback) Seiji
    If the audience isn't satisfied with you,
[14:45] (Flashback) Seiji
    you'll be expelled from
    the dorm immediately.
[14:47] (Flashback) Yuzu
    You mean we'll be kicked out?
[14:49] (Flashback) Seiji
    Yes.
[14:50] (Flashback) Seiji
    Basically, the final qualifier is to
    keep living here until the end.
[14:56] (Flashback) Yayoi
    That sounds so fun!
[14:58] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Yayoi?
[14:58] (Flashback) Yayoi
    I mean, we get to live with comedy
    trios from around the country
[15:02] (Flashback) Yayoi
    and even perform routines
    in front of an audience?
[15:04] (Flashback) Yayoi
    It's the perfect environment!
[15:06] (Flashback) Seiji
    Heh. I like that positive attitude.
[15:09] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Oh, oh! I have a question!
[15:11] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Why is the dorm named "Takako-so"?
[15:14] (Flashback) Seiji
    There was already a Tokiwa-so,
    so why not have a Takako-so, too?
[15:17] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Aha!
[15:18] (Flashback) Yomogi
    That made sense to you?
[15:20] (Flashback) Seiji
    Next, I'll show you the
    room you'll be living in.
[15:23] (Flashback) Yuzu
    Oh?
[15:24] (Flashback) Yuzu
    What are all those?
[15:26] (Flashback) Seiji
    Oh, those?
[15:27] (Flashback) Seiji
    Along with managing here, I'm also
    a bodybuilder. Those are my trophies.
[15:32] (Flashback) three girls
    Wow!
[15:33] (Flashback) Yayoi
    That's so cool!
[15:34] (Flashback) Yayoi
    A bunch of them say "first place"!
    That one! And that one, too!
[15:38] (Flashback) Seiji
    That's the one I'm most proud of.
[15:40] (Flashback) Seiji
    Right there.
[15:41] (Flashback) Seiji
    I got it when I was still an amateur.
[15:43] (Flashback) Seiji
    It was the first time I won a competition.
[15:46] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Huh.
[15:47] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Oh. Yomogi?
[15:50] Yayoi
    I still can't forget the
    way Yomogi looked then.
[15:53] Yayoi
    Her eyes were those of a
    hunter locked on their prey.
[15:57] Yomogi
    Bwahaha! Someday, I'll take the
    head of that trophy for myself!
[16:02] Yomogi
    Oh, come on!
[16:04] Yayoi
    What's the problem now?
[16:05] Yayoi
    Right when I was getting
    to the main plot, too.
[16:07] Yomogi
    It's a huge problem! You're making
    me sound like a criminal!
[16:12] Yayoi
    Huh? Then why were you staring
    at the trophy like that?
[16:16] Yomogi
    Well, that's because...
[16:19] Yomogi
    You know my little sisters, right?
[16:21] Yuzu
    Rine-chan and Miki-chan!
[16:23] Yayoi
    They just visited us.
[16:25] Yuzu
    That was a fun takoyaki party!
[16:26] Yomogi
    The girls love playing with dolls,
[16:30] Yomogi
    and they'll use any figure that's
    the right size in their games.
[16:33] (Flashback) Rine
    Welcome back, darling.
[16:35] (Flashback) Miki
    I'm home.
[16:36] (Flashback) Rine
    Would you like your bath?
    Or would you like dinner?
[16:39] (Flashback) Miki
    I just found out I gotta take a business
    trip to Tokyo, so I'm going out again.
[16:45] (Flashback) Miki
    See you later!
[16:46] (Flashback) Rine
    Come back soon!
[16:47] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Looks like a unique business trip.
[16:50] Yomogi
    The trophies were just the right size, too,
[16:53] Yomogi
    so if my sisters saw them,
    I'm sure they'd try to play with them.
[16:56] Yomogi
    That's what I was thinking.
[16:57] Yayoi
    Oh, was that it? I felt so sure...
[17:00] Yomogi
    Quit trying to make me look bad!
[17:02] Yuzu
    After that, Yayoi and I went
    to send the girls home.
[17:07] Yomogi
    I cleaned up after the party
    and took out the trash.
[17:10] three girls
    Huh?!
[17:12] Yuzu
    When we got back, the trophy
    was sitting on the table.
[17:14] three girls
    What?!
[17:15] Yayoi
    Isn't this the manager's favorite trophy?
[17:18] Yayoi
    Where's its head?
[17:19] Yuzu
    What happened?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[17:25] Seiji
    Young Wai-Wai, are you there?
[17:29] three girls
    What do we do?
[17:31] Yayoi
    Ugh, and we're supposed to
    perform our routine tomorrow.
[17:34] Yomogi
    Our skit isn't even ready, and now
     we're tied up with this, too!
[17:37] Yuzu
    At this rate, we might be
    blamed and kicked out!
[17:42] Yayoi
    Ugh. I'm so hungry.
[17:44] Yuzu
    Right after our takoyaki party?
[17:46] Yayoi
    Hey, Yomogi, what happened
    to the leftover takoyaki stuff?
[17:50] Yomogi
    Oh, that? I screwed it up,
    so I threw it all out.
[17:54] Yuzu
    Screwed it up? Even though your
    family runs a takoyaki shop?
[17:57] Yomogi
    When you were taking my sisters back,
[17:59] Yomogi
    I wanted to use up the batter,
    so I started making more.
[18:02] Yomogi
    I tasted one, and...
[18:04] Yomogi
    For some reason, it was super tough.
[18:07] Yomogi
    I've never messed up that bad.
[18:09] Yayoi
    No worries! Sometimes, an
    octopus shoots squid ink, too!
[18:12] Yomogi
    You're not helping!
[18:15] Yomogi
    By the way, Yayoi, I've been wondering...
[18:18] Yayoi
    Huh?
[18:19] Yomogi
    What happened to your forehead?
[18:21] Yayoi
    Oh, that?
[18:22] Yayoi
    When your sisters were visiting,
[18:24] Yayoi
    the manager asked me to help
    him carry some things in.
[18:27] Yomogi
    Oh right, just for a little bit.
[18:29] Yayoi
    Then, when I got back to the room first,
[18:32] Yayoi
    the floor was covered with toys.
[18:37] Yayoi
    I tripped on one and fell.
[18:39] Yuzu
    When I got there after you,
    I found you on the ground.
[18:44] Yuzu
    It sure surprised me!
[18:45] Yayoi
    Aaah!
[18:46] Yuzu
    What's wrong?
[18:47] Yayoi
    Don't yell so loud!
    You scared the heck out of me!
[18:50] Yayoi
    Right then, right when I face-planted,
[18:53] Yayoi
    I thought I saw a shining
    face smiling at me.
[18:55] Yayoi
    I thought it was an angel from
    heaven coming to take me away.
[18:58] Yomogi
    Hold on. Do you think
    that could have been...
[19:00] Yuzu
    Hey, didn't you say that your sisters
    take things that are the same size
[19:04] Yuzu
    as their dolls and play house with them?
[19:07] Yomogi
    Yeah.
[19:07] Yuzu
    If the two of them went into the hallway and
    took the trophy when we weren't looking,
[19:13] Yuzu
    played with it, and left it behind
    when they went outside...
[19:17] Yuzu
    Then when Yayoi came back...
[19:26] Yayoi
    Oh no! I was the culprit all along!
[19:28] Yomogi
    Hold on a second. If you were the culprit,
     then where did the trophy go?
[19:33] Yuzu
    We didn't find it until the girls went home.
[19:36] Yayoi
    That's right.
[19:37] three girls
    Oh.
[19:39] three girls
    Ah.
[19:40] Yomogi
    It must've gotten stuck up there, and then
     fell back down while we were gone.
[19:48] three girls
    Huh? What?!
[19:50] Yomogi
    Now we know why the body suddenly appeared,
[19:52] Yomogi
    but we still don't know where the head is!
[19:54] Yuzu
    I didn't see it when I cleaned up the toys.
[19:57] Yayoi
    I did hit my head pretty hard.
[20:00] Yomogi
    If the head flew off,
    where could it have landed?
[20:03] Yomogi
    Oh! The takoyaki batter!
[20:06] Yayoi
    No way!
[20:08] Yuzu
    Does that mean your messed-up,
    tough takoyaki...
[20:13] Yuzu
    What did you do with it?
[20:14] Yomogi
    I spit it out and tossed it in the trash.
[20:17] Yayoi
    Where's the trash bag?
[20:18] Yomogi
    I just took it out!
[20:24] Yayoi
    Oh! A crow!
[20:26] three girls
    The head!
[20:31] three girls
    Aaah!
[20:34] Yayoi
    And swoosh! It just flew off.
[20:38] Yomogi
    That's crazy!
[20:39] Yuzu
    What happened next?
[20:40] Yayoi
    Well, it was all the crow's fault anyway,
[20:42] Yayoi
    so I treated the manager to a bunch
    of fried chicken, and he forgave me.
[20:45] Yomogi
    Oh, give me a break.
    I think I'll call it here.
[20:47] three girls
    Thank you very much!
[20:53] Seiji
    Hmph. But just this once!
[21:03] Yayoi
    All right, in honor of Young Wai-Wai
    successfully testing out a routine,
[21:08] Yayoi
    cheers!
[21:09] everyone
    Cheers!
[21:16] Yayoi
    This is the okonomiyaki from my
    uncle's shop. It's really good!
[21:21] Yomogi
    We finished our routine in time,
    and now we can relax a little.
[21:24] Miyu
    It was hilarious! How'd ya come up with it?
[21:28] Yomogi
    Come up with it? It's kind of a true story...
[21:32] Kana
    It was that high quality, and it
    was non-fiction? That's insane!
[21:36] Saeka
    Well, this is a little dull.
    Do we have another one in gold?
[21:40] Chitose
    Are you nuts?
[21:41] Yuina
    It's fluffy and delicious!
[21:43] Chihori
    It tastes like the fields of Jupiter.
    Sure brings back memories!
[21:46] Yuina & Mone
    Huh?
[21:47] Yuzu
    I still wonder what happened
    to the trophy's head.
[21:50] Yayoi
    Yeah. Where did it end up?
[21:53] Yomogi
    Oh well. It's all good.
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Cattle Chapter

E2 - The Cattle Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] all three
    Hello!
[00:05] Yayoi
    I'm Yayoi.
[00:07] Yomogi
    I'm Yomogi.
[00:08] Yuzu
    I'm Yuzu.
[00:09] Yuzu
    Y!
[00:10] Yayoi
    Y!
[00:10] Yomogi
    Y!
[00:11] all three
    We're Young Wai-Wai!
[00:12] Yayoi
    You know, I think I've
    been pretty lazy recently,
[00:15] Yayoi
    so I decided to write up a
    proper schedule for myself.
[00:17] Yomogi
    Oh, nice idea.
[00:18] Yayoi
    Twenty-four hours for me is like...
[00:38] Yuzu
    Morning!
[00:39] Yayoi
    Morning.
[00:41] Yomogi
    I'm home.
[00:42] Yuzu
    Welcome back.
[00:44] Yayoi
    Good morning, Yomogine.
[00:45] Yomogi
    Who are you calling Yomogine?
[00:47] Yomogi
    When did I become a
    naturalized French citizen?
[00:49] Yayoi
    Still early, and you're already in peak form.
[00:53] Yomogi
    Anyway, I found this on the
    floor by the front door.
SIGN    Fulfill Your Greatest Wishes
[00:57] Yayoi
    A Watson?
[00:58] Yomogi
    An ema!
[00:58] Yuzu
    A wishing plaque? Seiji-san did
    say there was a shrine nearby...
[01:01] Yayoi
    I wonder if someone in the dorm wrote it.
[01:04] Yuzu
    I don't know what it says,
    but I hope the wish comes true.
[01:07] Yayoi
    Yeah.
[01:08] Yomogi
    Tonight, eight o'clock, head
    of state, assassination.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[01:14] all three
    I hope this one doesn't come true!
[01:17] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[01:17] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[01:18] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[01:18] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[01:19] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[01:21] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[01:22] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[01:22] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[01:23] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[01:24] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[01:26] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[01:26] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[01:27] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[01:27] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[01:29] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[01:30] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[01:30] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[01:30] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[01:32] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[01:33] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[01:34] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[01:35] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[01:36] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[01:37] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[01:37] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:39] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:40] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:41] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:42] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:42] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:43] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:43] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:44] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:44] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:47] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:47] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:48] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:48] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:49] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:49] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:51] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:51] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:52] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:53] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:55] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:56] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:56] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:58] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:58] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:59] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[02:00] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[02:02] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[02:02] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[02:05] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[02:05] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[02:07] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[02:09] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[02:10] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[02:13] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[02:15] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[02:19] [SONG] all call
    All that
[02:20] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[02:20] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[02:23] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:23] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:27] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[02:28] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[02:32] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[02:37] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[02:37] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[02:40] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:40] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Cattle Chapter
SIGN    Tokyo
SIGN    News
SIGN    PRESIDENT ARRIVES IN JAPAN
SIGN    YESTERDAY 7:20 PM
[02:56] Announcer
    The president landed at Kansai
    International Airport yesterday
[02:59] Announcer
    to take part in the summit meetings.
[03:01] Yayoi
    The president really is here.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[03:05] Yuzu
    But an assassination?
[03:07] Yomogi
    What should we do? This isn't a wish,
    it's a plan! A declaration, even!
[03:11] Yayoi
    C-Calm down, Yomogi!
[03:14] Yayoi
    Let me get my glowing stick.
[03:15] Yayoi
    When it flashes, you'll forget everything!
[03:18] Yomogi
    You're the one who needs
    to calm down, Agent Y!
[03:20] Yayoi
    If that's where you found it,
[03:22] Yayoi
    then someone in Takako-so
    must be after the president!
[03:24] Yomogi
    W-We need to tell the police.
[03:26] Yayoi
    You can't!
[03:28] Yayoi
    If you do that, they'll catch
    the person who wrote it!
[03:30] Yuzu
    But they're planning an assassination.
[03:33] Yayoi
    I know, but all of us here
    are on the same side!
[03:36] Yayoi
    We came together because we
    love comedy. We're all friends here.
[03:40] Yayoi
    I don't want anyone to get arrested.
[03:41] Yomogi
    Yayoi...
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[03:44] Yayoi
    All right, then. I'll find out who wrote it.
[03:47] Yayoi
    Then I'll stop the assassination!
[03:49] Yomogi
    Stop it? But how?
[03:51] Yayoi
    We'll talk it out. There's no way a
    comedy fan would be totally evil.
[03:54] Yuzu
    Good point. If you can talk it out,
    maybe they'll come to their senses.
[03:58] Yuzu
    I agree with Yayoi's idea.
[04:02] Yomogi
    Okay, fine. I'll go along with it.
[04:04] Yomogi
    I guess we should be
    proud that the job landed
[04:06] Yomogi
    on manzai comedians who are
    so good at eakingspay.
[04:08] Yayoi
    I knew you'd understand,
    Yomogi! That's my man!
[04:10] Yomogi
    I'm totally a girl!
[04:19] Mone
    Seiji-san, where's the milk?
[04:22] Seiji
    Aw, sorry. All we have are protein drinks.
[04:24] Mone
    Eh...
[04:25] Miyu
    Natto from Mito is so delish!
[04:28] Announcer
    The president successfully arrived at the summit.
[04:28] Misao
    Did you buy that yourself?
[04:30] Miyu
    That's right! To help
    spread Ibaraki culture!
[04:31] Announcer
    That's all for the news today.
SIGN    Tokyo
SIGN    News
SIGN    SUMMIT MEETING
SIGN    All-Day
SIGN    Rampage Detective
[04:33] TV voice
    All-Day Rampage Detective!*
[04:36] TV voice*
    The hit show, now airing!
[04:37] Yuzu
    The assassination is at 8:00 tonight.
[04:40] Yuzu
    That's what it said, right?
[04:42] Yomogi
    We've got to find who's planning it and
    convince them to stop before then.
[04:52] Yomogi
    Say, Mako-chan, what are you hiding there?
[04:54] Mako
    Huh?
[04:55] Yayoi
    That shape... Could it be...
[04:58] Yayoi
    A pistol?
[05:00] Hikari
    We're only allowed one banana a day.
[05:02] Mako
    I'm sorry!
[05:04] Hikari
    Geez, you're such a scrounger.
[05:06] Mako
    I'm not scrounging!
[05:07] Mako
    I could buy the island of New Guinea
     and all its bananas, if I wanted!
[05:07] Hikari
    Yeah, whatever.
[05:09] Yayoi
    Ugh. This is a wild goose chase.
[05:11] Yuzu
    Hey, take a look over there.
[05:13] Yuzu
    Kana-chan from Bullet Kunoichi.
[05:15] Yuzu
    She hasn't been looking well. I wonder why.
[05:18] Yomogi
    Could she be nervous
    about the assassination?
[05:21] Yayoi
    Maybe she's tortured with guilt.
[05:26] Kana
    I feel so sick.
[05:28] Kana
    Why do I have to run a 10K
    in the morning, anyway?
[05:30] Iroha
    You're too out of shape, Kana.
[05:33] Iroha
    You gotta build up some body strength.
[05:33] Chitose
    Uh-huh.
[05:35] Kana
    I'm gonna die before I tell a single joke.
[05:37] Kana
    Then they're gonna build
    a pyramid for my grave!
[05:40] Chitose
    You think you're an ancient
    Egyptian king or something?
[05:47] Yuzu
    Whoever it is, they aren't
    letting their guard down.
[05:49] Yomogi
    I'm starting to wonder if we'll even
    find the assassin before tonight.
[05:53] Yayoi
    Don't worry about it! We've still
    got lots and lots of time.
[05:56] Yomogi
    But you know, this is someone
    trying to kill the president.
[06:01] Yomogi
    Do you really think they'd listen to us?
[06:03] Yuzu
    In that case, let's try something else.
[06:05] Yuzu
    Let's poison them!
[06:07] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Poison?!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[06:09] Yuzu
    We'll spike Yomogi's takoyaki with a poison
    that makes people get numb and tingly.
[06:13] Mako
    This is a disaster!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[06:15] Yuzu
    The assassin won't be able to move.
[06:17] Yuzu
    If they can't get away,
    they'll have to talk to us, right?
[06:20] Yomogi
    Man, that's dark! But how do we get
    them to eat it in the first place?
[06:24] Yayoi
    If we tell them the takoyaki
    will raise their assassin stats,
[06:28] Yayoi
    wouldn't they think it's
    a power-up and chow down?
[06:31] Yomogi
    Takoyaki doesn't give stat buffs!
[06:33] Hikari
    Poison?
[06:34] Saeka
    Are you certain that's what
    they were talking about?
[06:37] Mako
    Without a doubt!
[06:38] Mako
    They had evil grins on their faces and
    were plotting to poison people to death!
SIGN    ° For Illustration Only
[06:42] Saeka
    But poison whom?
[06:45] Mako
    Isn't it obvious? Every single one of us!
[06:48] Mako
    They want to take out everyone in the dorm!
[06:51] Hikari
    To be sure, with their rivals out of the way,
[06:53] Hikari
    they would have an advantage in
    the Teppen Grand Prix finals.
[06:55] Saeka
    How could they go that far?
[06:58] Saeka
    I've made a decision.
[07:00] Saeka
    Let's show Young Wai-Wai every
    ounce of hospitality we can!
[07:03] Mako
    Huh?
[07:04] Hikari
    What do you mean?
[07:05] Saeka
    They're willing to use inhuman means to win.
[07:08] Saeka
    I'm sure they've been debased
    by the poverty in their hearts.
[07:13] Saeka
    Right now, those girls could be compared
    to a Hitsumabushi without the grilled eel.
[07:17] Saeka
    Pitiful! Simply too much white rice!
[07:20] Saeka
    We're the only ones who can save them.
[07:22] Saeka
    Let's soothe and comfort
    their ailing hearts.
[07:26] Saeka
    Then they'll see poison for the crime
    it is and surely abandon their plans!
[07:39] Seiji
    Yeah, macho macho!
[07:41] Seiji
    Right macho, left macho!
    Macho up, macho down!
[07:45] Seiji
    And pose!
[07:47] Seiji
    Hey! Who said that you could rest?!
[07:50] Yayoi
    Is this some kind of dance?
[07:52] Yomogi
    I have no idea what part
    it's supposed to work out.
[07:55] Yuzu
    I'm so exhausted.
[07:57] Seiji
    Oh well... Let's take a short break.
[08:02] Saeka
    Young Wai-Wai members, we'd like to
    offer you some refreshments today.
[08:07] Saeka
    Preparations!
[08:08] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    Huh?
[08:12] Saeka
    Well, then, please help yourselves.
[08:14] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    Huh?!
[08:15] Hikari
    Here's some Japanese sweets, too!
[08:17] Hikari
    I had them sent from home.
[08:20] Yomogi
    What's this all about?
[08:21] Kana
    Hey, that's unfair! We want to eat some, too!
[08:23] Saeka
    You may not.
[08:24] Saeka
    We prepared this only for the
    members of Young Wai-Wai.
SIGN    Against Extreme Weight Loss
[08:28] Chitose
    That's favoritism! No playing favorites!
[08:30] Iroha; Chitose
    We protest!
[08:31] Hina
    Huh? Empty...
[08:33] Hina
    My throat's so dry.
[08:35] Yuzu
    Um...
[08:37] Yuzu
    I bought an extra one. Would you like it?
SIGN    Lemon
[08:42] Mako
    Could that be... the poison?
[08:43] Hina
    Ah, lemon's not my thing.
[08:46] Yuzu
    Not your favorite? But this
    one has a mild flavor.
[08:49] Mako
    Stop! You'll die!
[08:50] Yuzu
    Huh? Do you really hate it that much?
[08:52] Hina
    Um...
[08:53] Yayoi
    Finders keepers!
[08:56] Yayoi
    So tasty, tho!
[08:58] Mako
    What?
[08:59] Yomogi
    Um, this is very generous,
    but we can't accept it.
[09:02] Yayoi
    What?!
[09:03] Yuzu
    Yayoi!
[09:04] Saeka
    Oh, really? That's too bad.
[09:20] Yuina
    Are you watching that same show again?
[09:23] Mone
    Isn't it an awesome show?
[09:26] Yuina
    What's it called?
[09:28] Mone
    All-Day Rampage Detective.
[09:32] Chihori
    Earthlings sure are robust.
[09:36] Yuina
    You're talking like an alien again.
[09:38] Chihori
    N-No, I'm not! I'm not an alien!
[09:41] Chihori
    No Earth, no life!
[09:43] Mone
    It'd be pretty funny if you
    really were an alien, though.
[09:44] Kana
    Okay!
[09:53] Kana
    Infiltration successful.
[09:54] Kana
    Now I just have to locate
    and acquire the target.
[09:59] Kana
    Apologies, Celebs. Even people like
    me want to eat gourmet sweets.
[10:05] Hikari
    It wasn't poisoned after all.
[10:07] Mako
    Is it possible they've realized
    that we're on to them?
[10:10] Hikari
    In that case, we'll have to pay them off.
[10:14] Kana
    Huh?!
[10:15] Mako
    You're gonna give money to the
    members of Young Wai-Wai?
[10:18] Hikari
    Financial influence can be very
    helpful for filling an empty heart.
[10:21] Saeka
    If we can resolve this with a small amount
    of money, that may be the best way.
[10:25] Saeka
    How does 500 million yen per person sound?
[10:28] Kana
    F-Five hundred million yen?
[10:30] Mako
    That's too much! That would
    only encourage them!
[10:33] Saeka
    Really?
[10:34] Hikari
    I wonder.
[10:41] Iroha
    A bribe like that isn't very subtle.
SIGN    Takoyaki
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
[10:43] Kana
    I bet they'll use it to pay off some bigwig
    in the Teppen Grand Prix and buy the win!
[10:48] Chitose
    Wait, what's with the wetsuit?
[10:48] Kana
    It isn't fair when we're
    out here doing our best!
[10:51] Chitose
    Yo, what's with the wetsuit?
[10:51] Kana
    Iroha-senpai, Chitose-senpai,
    help me out here!
[10:54] Kana
    I want the Celebs to start
    taking comedy seriously again!
[10:59] Chitose
    You aren't listening!
[11:02] Saeka
    We can't let the Young Wai-Wai
    girls turn to a life of crime.
[11:06] Saeka
    We're the only ones who can
    keep that from happening.
[11:09] Yuzu
    We still haven't found the assassin.
[11:12] Yomogi
    And we're almost out of time, too!
[11:15] Yayoi
    We'll have to do it during
    the afternoon rehearsals.
[11:17] Kana
    We have to stop the bribery!
[11:19] Kana
    We gotta hustle, Bullet Kunoichi!
[11:22] Saeka
    We will surely prevent the poison attack.
[11:24] Saeka
    I swear it on the name of Celebri-Tea!
[11:27] Yayoi
    We've got to stop the assassination.
[11:29] Yayoi
    Let's do this, Young Wai-Wai!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Love Saves Ibaraki
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
[11:42] Yuina
    My name is Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina.
[11:45] Yuina
    The Earth is in danger!
[11:46] Mone
    No need to worry. We are in
    possession of this secret weapon.
[11:50] Chihori
    It is true that Jovians are
    disgusted by Yubari melons.
[11:54] Mone
    Reconciliation talks are also an option.
[11:55] Mone
    We are prepared to offer
    a Grinding Lover cookie.
[11:57] Chihori
    There it is!
[11:58] Chihori
    The cookie taking Mars by storm!
    Grinding Lover!
SIGN    Love Saves Ibaraki
[12:02] Miyu
    Love saves Ibaraki! Let's go, let's go!
[12:06] Misao
    That's a lot less to save than the Earth!
[12:07] Hina
    Why would anyone save a place like Ibaraki?
[12:10] Hina
    There ain't nothing good there, anyway.
[12:12] Miyu
    That ain't true!
[12:13] Miyu
    A while ago, I saw a dude having
    a friendly chat with a cop.
[12:17] Misao
    He was probably getting a citation!
[12:19] Misao
    Don't put a positive spin on it!
[12:21] Yayoi
    My uncle's home is an
    okonomiyaki restaurant.
[12:24] Yomogi
    My home is a takoyaki place.
    They're both floury foods, right?
[12:27] Yomogi
    That's why we named our old duo
    Konamons, for "Flour People."
[12:31] Yuzu
    That's so cool! I feel kind of left out.
[12:34] Yuzu
    Maybe I should start a store, too.
[12:36] Yomogi
    Why not? What'll you sell?
[12:37] Yuzu
    Bread made from flower seeds!
[12:39] Yomogi
    You can't really make bread that way!
[12:40] Yomogi
    And that isn't the "flour" we meant.
[12:42] Yayoi
    I actually bought some
    seedy bread the other day.
[12:45] Yayoi
    The bread shop was run by a married couple,
[12:48] Yayoi
    but the husband was cheating
    with a young employee and...
[12:51] Yomogi
    That's a different kind of seedy!
[12:53] Saeka
    That was simply lovely!
[12:56] Saeka
    Young Wai-Wai, your stand-up
    really is the best.
[12:59] Yomogi
    Oh. Thank you kindly.
[13:01] Saeka
    This isn't much, considering the transcendent
    comedy you've shared with us,
[13:04] Saeka
    but please accept this gift.
[13:09] Saeka
    It's worth 500 million yen.
[13:11] Yuzu
    Five hundred million?!
[13:12] Yayoi
    It's blinding me!
[13:13] Yomogi
    Yeah, no, we can't accept that!
[13:15] Mako
    My eyes! My eyes!
[13:18] Hikari
    You okay, Mako?
[13:19] Yuzu
    Isn't this suspicious?
[13:21] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Huh?
[13:21] Yuzu
    This might mean they want to pay
    us to drop our investigation.
[13:25] Yomogi
    It couldn't be...
[13:27] Hikari
    Saeka is the heiress to a conglomerate
    that includes the company
[13:30] Hikari
    with the largest market share
    of tea leaves in Japan.
[13:33] Saeka
    Oh, dear. But Hikari here is
    the daughter of the president
[13:36] Saeka
    of the largest sweets company
    in Aichi Prefecture.
[13:38] Mako
    I'm pretty rich, too!
[13:40] Mako
    I can eat two cup noodles in one sitting.
[13:42] Saeka
    There's something I've been
    thinking of purchasing recently.
[13:44] Mako
    Eh...
[13:45] Hikari
    What is it?
[13:46] Saeka
    Tokyo Tower.
[13:48] Hikari
    Yeah, you gotta b—
[13:50] Hikari
    Well, maybe you could, Saeka.
[13:51] Saeka
    When I checked my purse,
    I had just enough to cover it.
[13:54] Hikari
    You carry that much around?
[13:58] Kana
    Hear me out!
[13:59] Kana
    The most important thing for stand-up is the
    passion to chase after comedy single-mindedly!
[14:03] Chitose
    That's exactly right!
[14:04] Chitose
    And Celebri-Tea has what it takes!
[14:06] Iroha
    Let's all fight fair, Celebri-Tea!
[14:09] Iroha
    We know you're strong enough to do it!
[14:11] Hikari
    What was that? Was it really manzai?
[14:13] Mako
    Is it a different style or something?
[14:14] Saeka
    It seems more like they're trying to
    teach us a lesson than tell us a joke.
[14:18] Yayoi
    Hey, hey, wasn't that weird?
[14:20] Yayoi
    Maybe they're trying to get pumped
    up for tonight's assassination.
[14:23] Yomogi
    An assassination isn't something
    you get "pumped up" for!
[14:26] Mako
    Hey. I just heard you say "assassination."
[14:29] Mako
    Are you trying to poison
    Bullet Kunoichi first?
[14:32] Saeka
    You've left us no other choice, have you?
[14:35] Saeka
    Members of Young Wai-Wai,
    you mustn't do anything rash!
[14:39] Saeka
    I can see straight through
    everything you're thinking!
[14:43] Yomogi
    Huh? Straight through?
[14:45] Yayoi
    Do you think they know we're
    trying to stop the assassination?
[14:48] Saeka
    I can understand how you all feel.
[14:51] Saeka
    However, nobody has the right to get
    in the way of anyone else's dream!
[14:55] Yayoi
    I guess maybe that's some kind of a dream...
[14:58] Yuzu
    But if we don't get in the way, 
    something terrible will happen!
[15:01] Kana
    It's good to have dreams.
[15:02] Kana
    But you know, Saeka-san,
    if your dream truly is sincere,
[15:06] Kana
    I really think you have to fight
    fair and square to reach it!
[15:11] Yomogi
    A fair fight would be a disaster, too!
[15:14] Kana
    You gotta chase your dreams fairly!
[15:14] Kanae
    Don't do anything rash, Young Wai-Wai!
[15:14] Yayoi
    What are you talking about?
[15:16] Seiji
    All of you...
[15:17] Seiji
    You're supposed to be
    rehearsing your routines!
[15:19] Seiji
    If you keep squabbling,
[15:21] Seiji
    I'll make you do 30
    dumbbell concentration curls!
[15:23] Yomogi
    The punishment still doesn't fit the crime!
[15:31] Misao
    That was a total mess. Why was
    everybody acting so strange?
[15:34] Hina
    We had no clue what was happening,
    so maybe we're the weirdos.
[15:38] Hina
    We are from Ibaraki, after all.
[15:40] Misao
    How does that explain anything?
[15:42] Miyu
    Strange. It's gotta be
    around here somewhere.
[15:45] Misao
    What is? What are you looking for?
[15:47] Misao
    What did you drag us along for?
[15:50] Miyu
    I figured out the one thing
    that this city really needs.
[15:54] Miyu
    More Ibaraki! So I've decided
    to build up Ibaraki here!
[15:58] Misao
    Do you mean something
    like a tourism showroom?
[16:02] Miyu
    Yeah! Good idea, right?
[16:04] Miyu
    I've been looking for the right location.
[16:08] Miyu
    I've already got a few candidates.
[16:10] Miyu
    Now we just gotta take a look.
[16:13] Yuina
    Why do we have a cow?
[16:15] Mone
    As we're from Hokkaido, we need a glass
    of fresh-squeezed milk in the morning.
[16:20] Mone
    We needed a cow for that.
[16:22] Yuina
    But how do we have a cow?
[16:23] Chihori
    I found it wandering around.
[16:25] Yuina
    You don't just find cows 
    wandering around!
[16:27] Mone
    I guess we got really lucky, huh.
[16:29] Yuina
    Luck doesn't explain something like this!
[16:31] Yuina
    We can't keep it at Takako-so,
    anyway. It's a cow!
[16:34] Mone
    That's right. Pets aren't
    allowed at Takako-so.
[16:38] Mone
    That's why we gotta find a
    good home for it to live in.
[16:41] Chihori
    The place the real estate agent talked
    about should be right around here.
[16:46] Mone
    He sure was surprised when we asked if
    he had a good house for a cow, though.
[16:51] Yuina
    For sure.
[16:52] Mone
    Oh.
[16:53] Mone & Miyu
    There it is.
[16:54] Misao
    Howdy, Invaders. What are y'all doin' here?
[16:56] Mone
    That's our question.
[16:56] Miyu
    Oh, this is just like I imagined!
[16:59] Miyu
    It'll make a great Ibaraki shop!
[17:02] Mone
    Now, wait a second. We're planning
    to make this our cow's new home.
[17:06] Miyu
    What are you talkin' about? I found it first!
[17:09] Mone
    We beat you by 0.1 seconds. So there!
[17:12] Miyu
    No stinkin' way!
[17:13] Chihori
    C'mon, Mone, you know you
    can't get in a fight.
[17:15] Misao
    Miyu, you're not supposed to start trouble.
[17:17] Yuina
    Well, then, how about we let
    the cow run the Ibaraki shop?
[17:20] Yuina
    Would that be okay?
[17:21] Mone & Miyu
    No way!
[17:22] Mone
    Cows from Hokkaido are way too sensitive.
[17:25] Mone
    Being surrounded with natto and pots of
    monkfish stew will stress them out.
[17:28] Misao
    What kind of image is that?!
[17:30] Miyu
    Ibaraki punks will pick a
    fight with any cow they see.
[17:33] Miyu
    It won't work!
[17:33] Misao
    Who has a death wish like that?!
[17:35] Yuina
    Back us up here, Chihori.
[17:37] Mone
    It's a cow house, not an
    Ibaraki shop, right? Right?
[17:41] Chihori
    Well, okay. The objective data says...
[17:44] Miyu
    Data?
[17:45] Chihori
    I just found a poll of Martians,
    Jovians, and Saturnians,
[17:49] Chihori
    asking which prefecture
    they'd most like to live in,
[17:51] Chihori
    in which Ibaraki ranked last
     for five years straight.
[17:53] Misao
    What kind of ranking is that?
[17:55] Hina
    Now, who just made fun of Ibaraki?
[17:58] Mone
    Um, Hina?
[17:59] Hina
    Which of you creeps is
    making fun of Ibaraki?
[18:02] Hina
    Why the heck do we have
    to take that from you?
[18:05] Hina
    You wanna be tossed into
    a monkfish stew, too?!
[18:07] Hina
    You wanna take a shoulder throw from
    one of the seals at Aqua World? Huh?!
[18:11] Chihori
    I don't know what you want me to say.
[18:14] Miyu
    She mad.
[18:15] Misao
    Geez. She's fine joking about herself,
[18:18] Misao
    but when someone else makes fun
    of Ibaraki, she always loses it.
[18:20] Yayoi
    Hold it right there!
[18:22] Yuina
    W-What?!
[18:23] Yuzu
    We've been quietly tailing the Invaders.
[18:26] Mone
    How come?
[18:27] Yayoi
    Heh-heh.
[18:28] Yayoi
    My dazzling powers of deduction
[18:30] Yayoi
    have revealed that the Invaders
    are the most likely culprits!
SIGN    Presidential 
    Assassination
SIGN    Who Benefits?
SIGN    Aliens Targeting
    the Earth
SIGN    Invaders
[18:34] Mako
    Stop right there!
[18:35] Yuina
    What is it this time?
[18:37] Saeka
    We had good reason to tail
    the Young Wai-Wai members
[18:41] Saeka
    who were tailing the Invaders members.
[18:43] Yuina
    Tailing the tail?
[18:45] Mako
    Just watch! We'll stop
    Young Wai-Wai's evil plan!
[18:48] Mako
    We know all about it!
[18:49] Mako
    The cow was going be a test
    subject for their poison!
[18:52] Hikari
    If a poison can kill a cow, it can
     most certainly kill a human.
[18:56] Hikari
    You sure thought this through.
[18:57] Saeka
    Please, stop this now.
[18:59] Saeka
    Please don't poison
    innocent people and cows!
[19:02] Yomogi
    What's with all this talk about poison?
[19:04] Kana
    Hold it right there!
[19:06] Yuina
    Another group?
[19:07] Iroha
    We had good reason to tail Celebri-Tea,
[19:10] Iroha
    who were tailing Young Wai-Wai,
    who were tailing the Invaders!
[19:15] Misao
    I'm totally lost right now.
[19:17] Kana
    Celebs! Cease your dastardly bribery!
[19:20] Kana
    We know you were going to use
    that cow for high-quality beef
[19:23] Kana
    to bribe the Teppen Grand Prix bigwigs with!
[19:25] Chitose
    You knew that money might be traced,
[19:27] Chitose
    so you decided to pay your bribes
    with steak. A truly clever plan!
[19:30] Saeka
    What are you talking about?
[19:32] Hikari
    I really don't think that
    cow is meant to be eaten.
[19:35] Mako
    Well, I'd take a bite.
[19:36] Mone
    What's your problem, anyway?
[19:38] Yayoi
    Can you kill someone with milk
    if they're lactose intolerant?
[19:39] Mako
    How could you poison such
    a delicious-looking cow?
[19:39] Mone
    The cow is just for milk!
[19:41] Yuina
    Come on, what is this all about?
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[19:51] Chihori
    I'm so sorry! They won't
    let us keep cows here.
[19:55] Chihori
    Please take it home!
[19:59] Chihori
    I sent the cow home.
[20:00] Mone
    Huh? How?
[20:02] Yomogi
    Oh, come on, there's no
    way we'd poison anyone.
[20:05] Saeka
    It's such an insult that you could
    ever think we would bribe anyone!
[20:08] Kana
    I'm really sorry!
[20:09] Chitose
    Kana always jumps to conclusions.
[20:11] Mako
    Oh, yeah, she does!
[20:13] Hikari
    You too, Mako.
[20:14] Mako
    Um...
[20:14] Yayoi
    I guess it was all just a misunderstanding.
[20:17] Yuzu
    But if so, what was the ema plaque about?
[20:19] Seiji
    Oh? This symbol...
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[20:21] Yayoi
    Do you recognize it, Seiji-san?
[20:23] Seiji
    It's from All-Day Rampage Detective.
     Haven't you seen it?
[20:26] Chihori
    Oh, yes! The clever Terran TV show.
[20:29] Yuzu
    You mean the popular series
    about the detective who relies
[20:32] Yuzu
    on his incredible physical stamina
    to solve crimes all day long?
[20:36] Seiji
    Yeah, that's the one.
[20:37] Seiji
    Next week's episode is about a death threat
[20:39] Seiji
    sent to the head chef of a
     crooked diner called State,
[20:43] Seiji
    who sells fried tofu passed off as steaks.
[20:45] Yomogi
    Is that the crime?!
[20:47] Seiji
    I'm pretty sure this is the symbol used
    by the terrorist group in the show.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[20:51] Yuzu
    Does that mean...
[20:53] Yuzu
    When you were doing your
    usual morning cleaning...
[21:05] Yuzu
    Like that?
[21:06] all girls
    Glare...
[21:08] Seiji
    H-Hey now! Are you blaming this on me?
[21:12] Bauer
    Don't move! Everyone, hands up!
[21:14] Assistant Director-kun
    I'm so sorry! There's been a mistake!
    This isn't the location for the shoot!
[21:18] Bauer
    Huh? Really?
[21:19] Assistant Director-kun
    I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[21:20] staff
    Oh, come on! What are you doing?
[21:22] staff
    Why didn't you tell us sooner?
[21:22] Bauer
    I came to the wrong location,
    and I regret it deeply.
[21:30] Yuzu
    I wonder where the real
     shooting location was.
[21:32] Yayoi
    I hear it was supposed to be at
    the White House, not Takako-so.
[21:35] Yomogi
    How could they mix those up?
[21:37] Yomogi
    Gimme a break.
[21:38] all three
    Thank you very much!
[21:41] Yomogi
    Another exhausting day.
[21:44] Yayoi
    Hey, let's write our own ema plaques.
[21:46] Yayoi
    With wishes like, "Please let us
    win the Teppen Grand Prix!"
[21:49] Yomogi
    Yeah, but I'd rather wish on a shooting star.
[21:52] Yomogi
    They're more romantic.
[21:54] Yuzu
    Oh! A shooting star!
[21:55] Yayoi
    No kidding! Please let us
    win the Teppen Grand Prix!
[21:59] Yomogi
    Isn't that shooting star a little...
[21:59] Yayoi
    Let us win! Let us win!
[22:01] Yomogi
    ...slow?
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Boss Battle Chapter

E3 - The Evil Magistrate Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] All three
    Hello there!
[00:05] Kana
    Bull's-eye!
[00:06] All three
    Nin-nin!
[00:07] All three
    We're Bullet Kunoichi!
[00:09] Chitose
    We're gonna let loose!
[00:10] Iroha
    Ooh!
[00:11] Kana
    You know, I've been thinking...
[00:13] Iroha
    About what?
[00:14] Kana
    I was about to tell you!
[00:16] Iroha
    Oh, my bad.
[00:18] Kana
    So I've been thinking about how tough it must
    be for people who take over a family business.
[00:24] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:24] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:25] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:25] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:27] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:28] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:29] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:29] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:31] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:31] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:33] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:33] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:34] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:34] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:36] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:37] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:37] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:37] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:39] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:40] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[00:41] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[00:42] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[00:43] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[00:44] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[00:44] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[00:46] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[00:47] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[00:48] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[00:49] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[00:50] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[00:50] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[00:50] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[00:51] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[00:51] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[00:52] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[00:54] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[00:54] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[00:55] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[00:55] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[00:56] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[00:56] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[00:58] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[00:58] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:00] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:00] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:02] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:03] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:03] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:05] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:05] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:07] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:07] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:09] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:10] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:12] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:12] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:14] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:16] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:17] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:20] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:23] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:26] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:27] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:27] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:30] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:35] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:35] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:40] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[01:44] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[01:44] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[01:47] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:47] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:52] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Evil Magistrate Chapter
[01:58] Seiji
    All right. Ready?
[02:00] Seiji
    Start!
[02:01] Mako
    Ugh!
[02:02] Miyu
    Guts!
[02:03] Yayoi
    Heavy...
[02:03] Kana
    Hngh!
[02:05] Yuina
    No way!
[02:05] Kana
    Uwah!
SIGN    Winner
[02:10] Iroha
    Ooh!
[02:11] Chitose
    All right, ya got it!
[02:12] Kana
    Oh yeah!
[02:13] Yayoi
    We lost.
[02:14] Miyu
    Check it out! Ibaraki wins!
[02:16] Hina
    Oh boy. What right do people from
     Ibaraki have to win anything?
[02:20] Misao
    They have every right!
[02:22] Seiji
    Hmm. It's settled, then.
[02:24] Seiji
    The teams appearing on the variety show
    are Akudare Kingdom and Bullet Kunoichi.
[02:28] Yayoi
    TV? That's so cool. I wish we could go, too.
[02:32] Seiji
    That's just how it is.
[02:33] Seiji
    The program said they
    can only use two teams.
[02:37] Seiji
    You haven't even qualified for
    the Teppen Grand Prix yet,
[02:40] Seiji
    so just be grateful you even
    had a chance to get on TV.
[02:44] Yomogi
    Don't worry about it.
[02:44] Yuzu
    I'm sure we'll get another chance.
[02:47] Hikari
    We have a visitor.
[02:48] Hikari
    It's for Chitose-chan
    from Bullet Kunoichi.
[02:50] Chitose
    For me?
[02:52] Chitose
    Oh...
[02:55] Reporter
    We're from Monthly Comedy Road. 
    Are you Amano Chitose-san?
[02:58] Chitose
    Yeah...
[03:00] Iroha
    Huh?
[03:02] Iroha
    I'm home.
[03:04] Kana
    Welcome back.
[03:06] Kana
    Do you know who came to see Chitose-senpai?
[03:08] Iroha
    No, I don't.
[03:10] Iroha
    What the heck are you doing?
[03:12] Kana
    Well you know, I just realized that
    going on TV could be really risky.
[03:17] Iroha
    What do you mean?
[03:18] Kana
    They say there are three people in the
    world who look just like you, right?
[03:22] Kana
    What if, just what if, one of the people
    who looks like me is a mafia don?
[03:26] Kana
    If that person gets assassinated,
[03:29] Kana
    and the organization starts looking
    for a new boss to replace them...
[03:33] Kana
    Hello there!
[03:34] Mafia
    She is the boss!
[03:36] Kana
    They'll rope me into being
    an organized crime boss!
[03:39] Iroha
    That makes sense.
[03:40] Kana
    But I don't wanna!
[03:41] Kana
    So yeah, I think I gotta
    learn to protect myself.
[03:45] Iroha
    Hmm. I like your resolve.
[03:48] Iroha
    If that's what you're doing,
    I think I can help.
[03:50] Kana
    Really? Thanks, Iroha-senpai!
[03:52] Iroha
    Strength comes from the hips and legs!
[03:54] Iroha
    Start off with some Bulgarian squats!
[03:58] Chitose
    I'm home.
[03:59] Kana
    Eek! My legs are wobbling!
[04:02] Chitose
    What are you doing?
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
[04:05] Hina
    Girls, Girls, Girls.
[04:07] Hina
    The girls' variety program that
    features all the latest girls.
[04:10] Misao
    And this time they're featuring
    the girls of comedy.
[04:14] Misao
    That's why they reached out to us.
[04:16] Hina
    I've never heard of this show.
[04:17] Misao
    Sounds like it only airs late
    night in the Kansai region.
[04:20] Misao
    It ain't for folks from Ibaraki.
[04:22] Hina
    It says the girls compete
    in different mini-games,
[04:25] Hina
    and whoever's funniest gets to sing a song.
[04:29] Hina
    Why a song?
[04:30] Misao
    No clue. But going on a variety show?
[04:33] Misao
    I get nervous just thinking about it.
[04:36] Misao
    Don't you, Miyu?
[04:37] Misao
    Miyu? What's wrong?
[04:41] Miyu
    It says the evening reruns of 
    Mito Komon Neo are ending this week!
[04:46] Misao
    Seriously?!
[04:47] Misao
    Ibaraki is famous for Mito Komon Neo!
[04:48] Misao
    It's a show with more than
    fifty years of history!
[04:51] Miyu
    Those nincompoops!
[04:53] Miyu
    It was always my dream
    to become a big producer
[04:56] Miyu
    and make a Hollywood version 
    of Mito Komon Neo!
[04:59] Misao
    I don't think there's much Mito to that!
[05:02] Miyu
    If the reruns stop, Komon-sama's
    popularity will drop.
[05:06] Miyu
    And then the Hollywood version
     goes from greenlit to yellowlit.
[05:09] Hina
    I don't think it was ever
    on the traffic light at all.
[05:11] Misao
    Hmph. But I never expected 
    Mito Komon Neo to end.
[05:16] Misao
    Why, all of a sudden?
[05:17] Hina
    Oh. Maybe this explains it.
[05:19] Miyu
    Show me!
[05:20] Miyu
    "The popular Kansai-region 
    show Girls, Girls, Girls
[05:24] Miyu
    will be aired in an evening time
    slot on national network TV."
[05:27] Miyu
    "In some regions, the program will 
    replace Mito Komon Neo..." What!?
[05:31] Misao
    And that program is...
[05:33] Hina
    The variety show we're appearing in.
[05:35] Mizao
    Miyu?
[05:37] Mizao
    Hey!
[05:38] Miyu
    That settles it.
[05:39] Hina
    Settles what?
[05:40] Miyu
    Komon-sama doesn't deserve to be wiped out!
[05:43] Miyu
    I'll save Mito Komon Neo myself! Just watch!
[05:46] Misao
    Save it? How are you gonna do that?
[05:48] Miyu
    In the show we're going on, if we
    do well we get to sing, right?
[05:52] Miyu
    Then we'll get picked and
    sing our hearts out.
[05:56] Miyu
    We'll sing the Mito Komon Neo theme song!
[05:59] Miyu
    Everyone will remember how 
    awesome Mito Komon Neo is,
SIGN    Let us watch 
    Mito Komon Neo!
SIGN    Cancel the finale!
SIGN    Komon-sama is
     invincible!
SIGN    Crush 'em!
[06:03] Miyu
    and then there's no way the show will end!
[06:05] Hina
    I don't think that's how anything works.
[06:07] Miyu
    This is Ibaraki Prefecture's first
    step toward conquering Japan!
[06:12] Miyu
    Save the Komon-sama!
    There ain't no other way!
[06:16] Misao
    She's on fire.
[06:21] Chitose
    What the heck? You gotta be kidding!
[06:23] Chitose
    Goodwill ambassador or treadmill capacitor?
[06:24] Chitose
    You can't win a sword duel with lip balm!
[06:29] Iroha
    Tearin' it up as always.
[06:31] Iroha
    Not sure when you'd use some
    of that wordplay, though.
[06:34] Chitose
    Iroha... What are you doing here?
[06:36] Iroha
    I wanted to ask you something.
[06:38] Iroha
    Those people were from a
    comedy magazine, right?
[06:40] Iroha
    I overheard some of it.
[06:44] Chitose
    Oh.
[06:45] Iroha
    Was it for an article or something?
[06:47] Iroha
    But then why'd they only talk to you?
[06:49] Chitose
    Who knows? Maybe they thought I look funny.
[06:52] Chitose
    It's getting chilly. I'm going back.
[06:58] Iroha
    Her lies are as bad as those jokes.
[07:02] Iroha
    The filming location was
    supposed to be around here.
SIGN    The Next Day
[07:05] Chitose
    Hmm? What's going on?
[07:08] Men
    Stop!
[07:09] Man
    What?!
[07:11] Kana
    Oh no! It's the mafia guys!
    I don't wanna be the boss!
[07:15] Kana
    Huh?
[07:16] Man
    Wha!
[07:17] Man
    L-Let me go! I didn't do anything!
[07:20] Man
    S-Stop it! Let me go!
SIGN    Restaurant
[07:23] Misao
    What the...
[07:24] Akudai
    We're manhunting.
[07:27] Iroha
    Aren't you that producer...?
[07:29] Akudai
    I'm Akudai Kan.
[07:31] Akudai
    Welcome to the Girls, Girls, Girls shoot.
[07:34] Miyu
    "A-Aku daikan"? Like, the evil magistrate
    who's Komon-sama's arch enemy?
SIGN    Akudai Kan
[07:39] Akudai
    It's Akudai Kan. Make no mistake, cuties.
[07:44] Chitose
    But what's this about manhunting?
[07:46] Chitose
    That isn't a word you hear every day.
[07:48] Akudai
    Well, I'm aiming for a show
    that's nothing but cute girls
[07:52] Akudai
    giggling and chattering away.
     It'll be paradise!
[07:55] Akudai
    It'll be like an amusement
    park full of girls!
[07:58] Akudai
    A zoo full of girls!
[08:00] Akudai
    All the viewers want to see
    are cute girls, you know.
[08:04] Akudai
    So I pull all the men from the
    streets whenever we're shooting.
[08:09] Akudai
    If there's even one man on screen,
    we'll get flamed online!
[08:11] Kana
    But you don't count?
[08:13] Akudai
    The viewers project themselves onto me.
[08:15] Akudai
    That's how they can imagine themselves
    as being a part of this girls' world.
[08:19] Akudai
    So I'm fine.
[08:20] Chitose
    I don't get it.
[08:22] Akudai
    All right! Now that the distractions
    are gone, we can start the shoot!
[08:28] Akudai
    Let's make something special, my girls!
[08:31] Akudai
    Okay then, the first challenge is...
[08:34] Akudai
    "Quiz, Dash, Splash"!
[08:36] Kana
    We got this!
[08:37] Miyu
    We ain't losing!
[08:38] Akudai
    The rules are simple.
SIGN    Girls!!
    Girls!!!
[08:40] Akudai
    If you think the statement
    is true, run to the O.
[08:44] Akudai
    If you think it's false, run to
    the X. And dive right through!
[08:47] Akudai
    If you run through the wrong wall,
[08:49] Akudai
    there will be a penalty waiting
    for you, so do be careful!
[08:52] Kana
    We're going first.
[08:54] Akudai
    First problem!
[08:55] Akudai
    Grade schooler Mayumi-chan
    started running to a junk shop
SIGN    Grade schooler Mayumi-chan started running to a junk shop
     20 kilometers away at a speed of 4 kph.
     An hour and a half after Mayumi-chan started,
     an RS400 android took off in pursuit at a speed of 90 kph.
     Mayumi-chan went straight to the junk shop,
     not knowing that if the RS400 caught up,
     it'd tear poor Mayumi-chan to pieces.
[08:58] Akudai
    20 kilometers away at a speed of 4 kph.
[09:00] Akudai
    An hour and a half after Mayumi-chan started,
[09:01] Akudai
    an RS400 android took off in
     pursuit at a speed of 90 kph.
[09:03] Akudai
    Mayumi-chan went straight to the junk shop,
[09:06] Akudai
    not knowing that if the RS400 caught up,
[09:09] Akudai
    it'd tear poor Mayumi-chan to pieces.
[09:09] Kana
    Isn't this a little long?
[09:10] Akudai
    Here's the question: Mayumi-chan
    is a girl. True or false?
[09:16] Kana
    Considering the producer and the
    runner's name, the answer has to be "true."
[09:21] Kana
    But this is a variety show. The whole point
    is making someone get the penalty.
[09:25] Kana
    So the one I gotta choose is...
[09:29] Kana
    Mud? Or super-hot water? This is
    my chance to show what I got!
[09:33] Akudai
    The correct answer is "true"!
    "False" is incorrect!
[09:34] Kana
    Come on!
[09:37] Akudai
    The penalty waiting on the other side is...
[09:40] Akudai
    A very high-quality mattress!
[09:42] Kana
    Huh?
[09:43] Akudai
    The cover of the mattress is
    made from delicate 100% silk.
SIGN    Delicate 100% Silk
SIGN    Hungarian Down
[09:47] Akudai
    The luxurious fabric will
    envelop your body in comfort.
[09:49] Akudai
    Additionally, the mattress padding
    is made of Hungarian down,
[09:53] Akudai
    giving the mattress warmth and support
[09:55] Akudai
    that will keep you comfortable even in winter.
[09:58] Kana
    Um...
[10:00] Misao
    The penalty is way too easy!
[10:03] Chitose
    What the heck? It's usually a mud pit!
[10:05] Chitose
    Or super-hot water! Or a bed of nails!
[10:07] Iroha
    Wouldn't a bed of nails be fatal?
[10:09] Akudai
    They're so strict about regulations
    and compliance these days.
[10:12] Akudai
    And personally, I don't want any
    scenes of girls getting dirty.
[10:16] Chitose
    We don't need that type of kindness!
[10:18] Chitose
    Besides, look at Kana!
[10:19] Chitose
    She froze up because she doesn't
    know how to have a funny reaction!
[10:22] Chitose
    Her body might be totally relaxed,
    but as a comedian, she's dying!
[10:26] Akudai
    Ugh, fine. In that case, I'll make
    it just a little bit painful.
[10:30] Akudai
    Next problem!
[10:32] Akudai
    Akari-chan is a cyborg.
SIGN    Akari-chan is a cyborg. 
    While Akari-chan is defeating 
    7 monsters and 47 combatants, 
    the evil organization manufactures 
    another 5 monsters and 70 combatants.
[10:33] Akudai
    While Akari-chan is defeating
    7 monsters and 47 combatants,
[10:37] Akudai
    the evil organization manufactures
    another 5 monsters and 70 combatants.
[10:40] Akudai
    Akari-chan is a girl. True or false?
[10:42] Chitose
    Seriously, that's way too much
     info for the question!
[10:45] Kana
    The answer is "true." But I gotta
    dive again for the laughs!
[10:50] Akudai
    The correct answer is "true"!
    "False" is incorrect!
[10:52] Kana
    Let me have it this time!
[10:54] Akudai
    The penalty waiting on the other side is...
[10:57] Akudai
    A very high-quality mattress
    with black feathers!
[11:00] Kana
    Huh?
[11:02] Akudai
    Jet-black feathers that suggest
    the frolicking of fallen angels.
[11:05] Akudai
    Will their fluttering envelop
    the world in darkness?
[11:08] Akudai
    For people who enjoy a goth atmosphere,
[11:11] Akudai
    we recommend this lovely mattress
    covered in black feathers.
[11:14] Akudai
    Black feathers, that cringy
    symbol of adolescent angst!
[11:17] Akudai
    Doesn't that bring back painful memories?
[11:18] Chitose
    That isn't the right kind of pain!
[11:21] Kana
    I don't know how to have a
    funny reaction to this.
[11:25] Akudai
    All right! The next challenge is...
[11:28] Akudai
    "Smash-and-Helmet Rock-Paper-Scissors"!
[11:31] Akudai
    Ready? Smash-and-helmet! Rock, paper, scissors!
[11:35] Iroha
    Take that!
[11:35] Hina
    Ow!
[11:36] Miyu
    Hina! You gotta defend!
[11:38] Hina
    Easy for you to say.
[11:40] Akudai
    The loser's penalty is to
    get her face scribbled on!
[11:43] Hina
    Eh?!
[11:46] Akudai
    A deep, luscious lipstick for the fall.
[11:49] Hina
    Is this really me?
[11:51] Misao
    That's not scribbling!
[11:52] Misao
    You just gave her a makeover!
[11:54] Miyu
    Yeah! You gotta scribble "meat" or
    "poop" or something on her forehead!
[11:58] Akudai
    How could we write anything
    so crude on our girls?
[12:01] Akudai
    Compliance!
[12:03] ---
    All right, round two!
[12:05] Akudai
    Smash-and-helmet! Rock, paper, scissors!
[12:07] Iroha
    Take that!
[12:08] Hina
    Aaah!
[12:09] Akudai
    Penalty!
[12:11] Akudai
    A subtly alluring eye shadow.
[12:14] Hina
    Is this the true me?
[12:15] Miyu
    Each time she loses,
    Hina becomes more of a babe.
[12:19] Misao
    This is about as far from
    a penalty as you can get.
[12:25] Kana
    Reporters? A-Are they photographing me?
[12:28] Kana
    Oh, I gotta look pretty!
[12:30] Chitose
    No. They're only after me.
[12:33] Kana
    Huh? After you, Chitose-senpai?
    That's great!
[12:36] Chitose
    Not really. It isn't great at all.
[12:40] Iroha
    Chitose?
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
SIGN    Grande Olde Performance Hall
[12:44] Chisato
    What the heck!
[12:45] Yuina
    We came here to study, but pro
    comedians really are amazing!
[12:50] Mone
    I wonder if these two are special, though.
[12:53] Mone
    The Otoris, Kagero and Chisato.
[12:55] Mone
    They're a legendary married manzai duo
    that's been performing for 30 years.
[12:58] Chihori
    Thirty years, huh? That's longer than
    the life expectancy on Jupiter.
[13:02] Chisato
    You've been great today!
[13:04] Kagero
    Are we done?
[13:05] Chisato
    Actually, we have some news we'd
    like to share with you all today.
[13:08] Chisato
    Our daughter is performing in the
    qualifiers for the Teppen Grand Prix!
[13:13] Yuina
    Daughter?
[13:14] Kagero
    Everyone, please give our daughter,
    Amano Chitose, your support.
[13:18] All three
    Huh?!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
SIGN    National Junior High Stand-Up Competition
[13:25] (Flashback) Reporter A
    That was the highlight of the show!
[13:27] (Flashback) Reporter B
    Anything to say to your parents?
[13:29] Reporter A
    I guess the genius comedy duo
    DNA isn't just for show.
[13:30] Chitose
    Those people didn't come to see my routine.
[13:32] Chitose
    They came for the story about
    my ma and pa supporting me.
[13:38] Chitose
    "A real thoroughbred.
[13:39] Chitose
    Did your parents teach you comedy?
    Did they write your skits for you?"
[13:43] Chitose
    The same questions over
    and over. So annoying.
[13:46] Chitose
    Even though it's my own
    work that got me there.
[13:52] Chitose
    My old partners hated that
    and kept quitting on me.
[13:56] Chitose
    I feel pretty bad about that.
[13:57] Iroha
    So the reporters earlier...?
[14:00] Chitose
    They said they were following the miracle
    story of the "thoroughbred" high schooler
[14:03] Chitose
    who was about to dominate
    the Teppen Grand Prix.
[14:05] Chitose
    Even though there's no guarantee I'll win.
[14:08] Chitose
    It's so stupid.
[14:13] Iroha
    Why didn't you tell anyone until now?
[14:15] Chitose
    Well, it's a nuisance, right?
[14:17] Chitose
    Because of me, they might start
    spreading rumors about you, too.
[14:21] Chitose
    And if we win, they probably won't
    give us any real credit for it.
[14:25] Chitose
    I kept refusing their interview requests...
     but they're so persistent.
[14:29] Iroha
    Hmm. So you thought we'd turn
    out like your other partners?
[14:33] Iroha
    Both Kana and me?
[14:37] Chitose
    I guess so. I think I was just scared.
[14:40] Chitose
    I thought I'd end up alone
    again if you found out.
[14:44] Chitose
    That's why I just couldn't tell you.
[14:50] Chitose
    I'm sorry. I know it looks
    like I was lying to you.
[14:54] Chitose
    If you want to quit, I've got
     no right to stop you.
[14:57] Chitose
    You don't have to stay for my sake.
[15:05] Kana
    I won?
[15:06] Akudai
    Yeah. I decided to pick
    you to sing at the end.
[15:10] Kana
    But shouldn't that go to the
    girl who was funniest?
[15:14] Akudai
    Nah, it's fine, it's fine.
[15:16] Akudai
    Nobody watches girl variety
    shows to see them be funny.
[15:20] Kana
    Huh?
[15:21] Akudai
    To be honest, I don't
    really care about comedy.
[15:24] Akudai
    Girls just need to be cute.
[15:26] Akudai
    And that's what I thought
    the first time I saw you.
[15:29] Akudai
    You've got a thing about you, girl!
[15:31] Akudai
    This is our chance! With me producing,
     we'll make you an idol!
[15:40] Saeka
    It's so peaceful today.
[15:42] Hikari
    Oh? Are you going out?
[15:44] Yomogi
    Yeah. My folks' takoyaki restaurant
    got a huge take-out order.
[15:48] Yayoi
    We're going to help!
[15:50] Mako
    Should I go, too?
[15:51] Yomogi
    Sure, but you won't get paid for it.
[15:54] Mako
    Never mind, then.
[15:55] Yuzu
    All right, we're off.
[15:58] Saeka
    See you later.
[16:05] Hina
    W-We're really gonna do this?
[16:07] Misao
    Don't have a choice. Once she
    gets going, there's no stopping her.
[16:11] (Flashback) Miyu
    If it ends like this, we won't get our
    chance to sing Komon-sama's song.
[16:14] (Flashback) Misao
    No kidding. We didn't stand out at all.
[16:18] (Flashback) Miyu
    Our only chance is to do it subliminally!
[16:20] (Flashback) Hina
    What do you mean?
[16:22] (Flashback) Miyu
    We'll instill the producer's mind
     with good thoughts about Ibaraki.
[16:25] (Flashback) Miyu
    If it works, a last-minute reversal
    isn't out of the question!
[16:27] (Flashback) Misao
    But how are we gonna do it?
[16:39] Miyu
    The best way to impress him
    is with a taste of Ibaraki.
[16:42] Miyu
    Nothing beats monkfish stew for that!
[16:46] Miyu
    Slowly, slowly...
[16:50] Miyu
    Oh crap!
[16:51] Akudai
    Ow!
[16:52] Akudai
    I dreamed some bullies gave me a
    cigarette burn on my face.
[16:55] Akudai
    What the...? Huh?
[16:58] Miyu
    Monkfish stew isn't gonna work.
    In that case...
SIGN    Yam Jerky
[17:04] Miyu
    I'll give him a taste of
    dried Ibaraki taters.
[17:09] Miyu
    Slowly, slowly...
[17:11] Miyu
    Oh dang!
[17:12] Akudai
    Aaah!
[17:16] ---
    I don't know why,
[17:17] Akudai
    but I've suddenly developed
    an irrational hatred for Ibaraki.
[17:21] Miyu
    I-It's all in your head!
    Don't pay attention to that!
[17:24] Hina
    Looks like you just instilled hatred.
[17:26] Misao
    Sure does.
[17:28] Akudai
    Let's put that behind us.
[17:31] Akudai
    The final challenge is
    "Girls' Paintball Match"!
[17:33] Akudai
    Let's do it all cute and fluffy!
[17:35] Chitose
    Huh? Where's Kana?
[17:37] Kana
    Thanks for waiting!
[17:40] Iroha
    Kana?!
[17:41] Chitose
    You're an Amazon now?!
[17:44] Akudai
    Paintball match, start!
[17:47] Kana
    Gotcha!
[18:13] Akudai
    Stop!
[18:14] Akudai
    What's with the primitive battle tactics?!
[18:17] Akudai
    This isn't the survival game I wanted!
[18:19] Akudai
    I mean, it isn't cute at all!
[18:22] Kana
    I don't care.
[18:23] Akudai
    Don't you wanna sing?
[18:25] Kana
    I think it would feel great.
[18:28] Kana
    But once I started singing, the big
    management companies would come knocking.
[18:31] Kana
    I'd get my idol debut, crush a coliseum tour,
     and then make it big in North America.
[18:37] Kana
    But I don't wanna be an idol!
[18:41] Kana
    I wanna do comedy!
[18:42] Akudai
    Huh?
[18:43] Kana
    When I was still living in my
    own world and creeping everyone out,
[18:47] Kana
    Chitose-senpai told me I was funny.
[18:49] Kana
    She invited me to do comedy with her!
[18:52] Kana
    She gave me a purpose.
[18:55] Chitose
    Kana...
[18:56] Kana
    I don't care about being cute.
[18:57] Kana
    I wanna stick with my awesome senpais
    and make the entire world laugh!
[19:02] Akudai
    Why am I the target?!
[19:04] Iroha
    Do you remember, Chitose, back when
    we started Kunoichi as a duo?
[19:05] ---
    Get back here!
[19:06] ---
    Stop it! No, no, no!
[19:10] ---
    Get back here, you villain!
[19:10] Iroha
    We did all right, but after a while,
     it felt like we hit a wall.
[19:13] ---
    Leave me alone!
[19:14] Iroha
    That's when we found Kana.
[19:17] Iroha
    She kept acting crazy and
    screwing up our rhythm,
[19:21] Iroha
    like a bullet ricocheting all around!
[19:24] Iroha
    I thought we could go
    even further with her.
[19:27] Iroha
    That's why we teamed up, remember?
     As Bullet Kunoichi.
[19:30] Iroha
    This thing you've pulled together
[19:32] Iroha
    won't be torn apart that easily.
[19:35] Chitose
    That's right.
[19:37] Iroha
    We can do it. The three of us.
[19:39] Iroha
    Bust through all the adults' tiny
    imaginations and narrow boundaries,
[19:43] Iroha
    and reach even higher!
[19:45] Chitose
    You're right!
[19:48] Chitose
    We'll make it happen!
[19:50] Miyu
    If you guys are gonna get so
    serious about it, then so are we!
[19:55] Miyu
    Suke-san, Kaku-san, let's have at 'em!
[19:57] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[19:58] Miyu
    There!
[20:00] Kana
    Give it all you got!
[20:01] Akudai
    I don't get it! This isn't cute at all!
[20:06] Kana
    Carrying on the family business.
[20:08] Kana
    means you're always
    compared to your parents!
[20:10] Kana
    My parents sold table fans,
[20:12] Kana
    and people always told me I didn't
    get around as much as they did.
[20:15] Iroha
    Am I doing stand-up with appliances?
[20:18] Chitose
    I get your point, but does it really
    matter who your parents are?
[20:21] Chitose
    You gotta shatter everyone's expectations
[20:23] Chitose
    and reach higher than anyone
    ever imagined you could.
[20:26] Chitose
    That's been my bright idea.
[20:27] Kana
    You're so positive, it's blinding me!
[20:29] Kana
    Did your parents do work with light bulbs?
[20:31] Chitose
    What are you on about?
[20:32] Chitose
    Time to switch you off.
[20:35] All three
    Thanks, everyone!
[20:52] Akudai
    This isn't what I...
[20:54] Akudai
    What happened to my cute paradise?
[20:57] Yomogi
    We've brought your food order!
[20:59] Yomogi
    Delicious takoyaki! Get it while it's... hot?
[21:03] Yayoi
    What happened here?
[21:04] Yuzu
    Was there a battle or something?
[21:06] Yomogi
    Oh!
[21:07] Yomogi
    Um, are you all right?
[21:17] Akudai
    I've found them!
[21:20] Yomogi
    Huh?
[21:21] Akudai
    You are my ideal girl!
[21:23] Akudai
    Sing for me on my show!
[21:26] Yomogi
    Huh?!
SIGN    Girls Girls Girls
[21:35] Yomogi
    You were fished out of the
    ocean around Akashi one day
[21:38] Yayoi & Yuzu
    You're so fresh
[21:39] Yomogi
    The batter with that broth flavor,
    that's from the mix I made
[21:44] Yayoi & Yuzu
    So nice and thin
[21:45] Yomogi
    I'll grill you up so good this time
[21:48] Yomogi
    Crisp outside, but fluffy inside,
    that's the way
[21:53] All three
    Tastes so right
[21:55] Akudai
    I've found my new path in life!
[22:01] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Hee hee hee!
[22:03] Yomogi
    I'll never live this down.
[22:10] Yomogi
    That hopeless feeling makes you blue
[22:15] Yomogi
    When things don't turn
    out like they should
[22:17] Yuzu & Yayoi
    It's hot, it's hot
[22:18] Yomogi
    So I'll make it hot, but you won't cry
[22:22] Yomogi
    I know that's how you'll want to have it
[22:27] Yomogi
    Don't hide it away, that's what they say
[22:28] Yuzu & Yayoi
    There's one in every home
[22:31] Yomogi
    It's such a basic thing, you see
[22:34] Yuzu & Yayoi
    The takoyaki grill
[22:35] Yomogi
    You've got to think about how
    meaningless the days feel
[22:39] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Your recipe
[22:40] Yomogi
    When it's left dusty
[22:44] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Tastes so right
[22:45] Yomogi
    I'll hold your leg so tightly
    and stay real close to you
[22:49] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Hug your leg
[22:50] Yomogi
    I know I won't be able to see
    when you turn red though
[22:54] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Well, that's true
[22:55] Yomogi
    But once I've got us held together so tight
[22:57] Yuzu & Yayoi
    Takoyaki
[22:59] Yomogi
    That's when we're truly one, you know
[23:02] Yomogi
    You were fished out of the
    ocean around Akashi one day
[23:05] Yayoi & Yuzu
    You're so fresh
[23:06] Yomogi
    The batter with that broth flavor,
    that's from the mix I made
[23:11] Yayoi & Yuzu
    So nice and thin
[23:12] Yomogi
    I'll grill you up so good this time
[23:15] Yomogi
    Crisp outside, but fluffy inside,
    that's the way
[23:19] Yayoi & Yuzu
    We bought some
[23:23] All three
    Tastes so right
SIGN    The Salon Chapter

E4 - The Salon Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Saeka
    Good afternoon.
[00:05] Saeka
    Everything has its price.
    What's your laughter worth?
[00:07] all three
    We're Celebri-Tea.
[00:09] Mako
    We'll pay whatever it takes,
     so laugh a lot, okay?
[00:11] Hikari
    You're buying them out from the start?
[00:14] Hikari
    I mean, that idea is as dark
    as black sugar dorayaki.
SIGN    Jogasaki Confectionery
             Black Sugar Dorayaki (580 yen)
[00:17] Saeka
    When you have too much money, sometimes it's
     hard to decide what to spend it on.
[00:22] Mako
    I totally get it.
[00:27] TV Announcer
    International movie director
    Jovijouva Mokkosu,
[00:29] TV Announcer
    who is making waves in Hollywood, has arrived
    in Japan for the premiere of his new film,
[00:34] TV Announcer
    Star Shark: The Dorsal Awakens.*
SIGN    Star Shark
    ~ The Dorsal Awakens ~
[00:39] TV Announcer*
    The post-premiere party
[00:41] TV Announcer
    will include top celebrities from all
    over Japan and is already turning heads.
[00:51] Seiji
    I can beat that.
[00:53] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:53] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:54] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:55] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:56] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:57] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:58] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:58] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[01:00] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[01:00] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[01:02] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[01:02] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[01:03] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[01:03] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[01:05] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[01:06] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[01:07] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[01:07] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[01:08] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[01:10] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[01:11] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[01:11] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[01:12] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[01:13] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:13] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[01:15] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:16] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:17] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:18] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:19] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:19] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:19] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:20] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:21] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:21] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:23] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:24] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:24] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:24] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:26] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:26] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:27] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:27] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:29] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:30] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:31] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:32] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:32] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:34] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:34] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:36] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:36] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:38] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:39] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:41] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:41] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:43] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:45] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:47] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:49] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:52] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:55] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:56] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:56] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:59] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:59] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:04] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[02:04] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[02:09] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[02:13] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[02:13] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye
ah!
[02:16] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:16] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:21] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Salon Chapter
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
[02:29] Kana
    Hey, take a look at this.
[02:30] Chitose
    What's up? Internet news?
[02:32] Kana
    It's an article about the Kuidaoren't Doll,
     but the interview is weird.
[02:36] Chitose
    Interview with who?
[02:38] Kana
    Lookit.
SIGN    The Kuidaoren't Doll Speaks: "I'm tired."
[02:39] Chitose
    How the heck is the
    Kuidaoren't Doll speaking?
[02:42] Iroha
    This is one of those clickbait articles.
[02:44] Iroha
    The writer does zero research
    and just makes up fake news.
[02:48] Chitose
    Well, this news is a little too fake.
SIGN    Invaders
[02:49] Mone
    Check out this web news article.
[02:51] Mone
    A buttercream sandwich cookie shop
    in Hokkaido is getting piled on.
[02:55] Yuina
    Who's making the complaints?
[02:57] Chihori
    Cows?
[02:58] Mone
    Uh-huh. Cows on Earth are able to talk.
SIGN    Gokkatei
SIGN    The Cows Complain
    
     — Their Brave Accusations —
    
     "We feel harmed by 
    being milked too much."
[03:00] Yuina
    That can't be right!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Takoyaki VS Okonomiyaki
     Finally All-Out War!!
SIGN    Okonomiyaki?
    That stuff's just
    a random mess of
     NPC ingredients.
SIGN    Takoyaki would
    be way better
     without the octopus!
[03:11] Yayoi
    If it was gonna come to this,
    we never should have gotten together!
[03:15] Yomogi
    No regrets! This was our destiny.
[03:18] Yuzu
    Stop! Why are you letting the article
    brainwash you into fighting!
[03:22] Yayoi
    Oh, sorry! I got carried away.
[03:24] Yuzu
    An interview with takoyaki and
    okonomiyaki is too over-the-top.
[03:28] Yomogi
    When news gets this fake,
    it basically turns into comedy.
[03:31] Yuzu
    What kind of person would write this?
[03:33] Yuzu
    "White Wall"?
SIGN    Author: White Wall
[03:35] Kana
    White Wall?
[03:36] Yuina
    White Wall?
[03:38] Chihori
    What is it, Yuina?
[03:39] Yuina
    You know, I kind of feel
    like it means something.
[03:45] Mako
    What the...?
[03:47] Yomogi
    How much would someone
    get paid to write that?
[03:49] Yayoi
    I think it's a few yen per word.
[03:51] Yomogi
    Paid by the pound, like meat.
[03:53] Yayoi
    Huh? Mako-chan, what's wrong?
[03:55] Mako
    Hmm. One sec...
[03:56] Yomogi
    Is something wrong with your laptop?
[03:58] Mako
    It froze all of a sudden.
[04:00] Yuzu
    Let me see it for a sec.
[04:02] Mako
    You know what you're doing?
[04:03] Yayoi
    Yuzu was once known as the
    master hacker Lord Orange.
[04:08] Mako
    Really?
[04:08] Yuzu
    Don't make up stories about me!
[04:12] Yuzu
    How's that?
[04:13] Yayoi
    It's fixed!
[04:14] Mako
    Wow! Thank you!
[04:16] Yomogi
    Huh?
SIGN    Takoyaki vs. Okonomiyaki
    Finally All-Out War!!
    
     Author: White Wall
[04:19] Yayoi
    White Wall?!
[04:21] Mako
    Ah!
[04:22] Yuzu
    Oh! If you translate Mako's
    family name, Shirakabe, to English...
[04:24] Yomogi
    ...it means White Wall!
[04:26] Yayoi
    So Mako-chan is...
[04:27] Mako
    Ugh.
[04:28] Yuzu
    Why are you writing clickbait articles?
[04:31] Mako
    I mean, I kind of need to make money.
[04:34] Yayoi
    Make money?
[04:35] Yayoi
    But isn't everyone in Celebri-Tea super rich?
[04:37] Yayoi
    Why would you need money?
[04:39] Mako
    Well...
[04:40] Kana
    I burned too many calories
    reading that dumb article.
[04:43] Kana
    Now I'm hungry!
[04:44] Mone
    Me too.
[04:45] Mako
    I-I'll tell you in your room. Let's go!
[04:48] Young Wai-Wai
    Uh, what? Hey, don't push! Ouch! Stop it!
[04:50] Chitose
    What now?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[04:53] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    You're poor?
[04:54] Mako
    Yeah. I'm actually not rich or famous at all.
[04:57] Mako
    I've been lying the whole time.
[04:59] Yuzu
    Now that you mention it, yeah.
[05:02] Yomogi
    A few things did seem off.
[05:05] Yayoi
    I still don't think that's a
    reason to write stuff like that.
[05:08] Mako
    I know!
[05:09] Mako
    But I really need to scrape up
    money, and I only have a week.
[05:14] Yomogi
    One week? There's no way!
[05:15] Yuzu
    Why would you need to do that?
[05:17] Mako
    Jovijouva Mokkosu is in Japan, right?
[05:20] Mako
    His party is in a week,
[05:22] Mako
    and Saeka's company is one of the
    movie's sponsors, so we got invited—
[05:27] Mako
    all of us in Celebri-Tea.
[05:29] Yayoi
    Wow, that's so cool!
[05:31] Mako
    No, it isn't!
[05:32] Mako
    The party will be full of celebrities,
    so I need a good dress to wear.
[05:36] Mako
    But I don't have anything like that!
[05:39] Yuzu
    So that's what the money's for.
[05:40] Mako
    If I don't have a dress, Saeka and Hikari
    will find out that I'm not actually rich.
[05:46] Mako
    If that happens, I...
[05:48] Yomogi
    I don't know much about it, but don't
    celebrities' dresses cost like six figures?
[05:52] Yomogi
    You can't earn that in a week.
[05:54] Yuzu
    That leaves us only one choice.
[05:56] Yayoi
    What?
[05:57] Yuzu
    Cryptocurrency.
[05:59] Yomogi
    That stuff is super dangerous for
    amateurs to get mixed up in!
[06:03] Mako
    Cryptocurrency...
[06:11] Mako
    That takes care of the account.
[06:13] Mako
    But I still don't understand
    it at all. What should I do?
SIGN    My Account   Cash Transaction  Leverage Transaction  Japanese Yen -> Cryptocurrency  Cryptocurrency -> Japanese Yen  Support     Chat     E-Mail     Phone
SIGN    Trading Capacity:   yen      Deposit
    
    Buy      Sell      History
SIGN    1 Minute   1 Hour   1 Day   1 Week   1 Month   1 Year
[06:20] Mako
    Okay. That settles it, then.
[06:23] Mako
    Please let it go up!
[06:39] Mako
    Huh?!
SIGN    Chitty Chitty What's the Best Way to Make Money?
    
    • Manzai      • Street Musician
    • Takoyaki Business      • Crafting with Empty Cans
    • Bounty Hunting      • Recycling
    • Telephone Scam      Definitely not!
[06:41] Yayoi
    We've spent four days thinking about it,
    but we still don't have any good ideas.
[06:50] Yayoi
    Mako-chan?
[06:51] Yomogi
    What's wrong?
[06:52] Mako
    The c-crypto is...
[06:53] Yuzu
    Oh no, did you do it?
[06:55] Yomogi
    I told you to stay away
    from gambling like that!
[06:58] Mako
    I f... I f...
[07:00] Mako
    I frickin' scored!
[07:02] Young Wai-Wai
    Huh?!
[07:04] Mako
    I bought some randomly, and in the morning,
     they were almost worth triple.
[07:09] Mako
    So I kept using the same method,
[07:12] Mako
    and made tons of money!
[07:13] Yayoi
    How much do you have now?
[07:15] Mako
    This much.
SIGN    Total Asset Value
[07:16] Yomogi
    That's a huge amount.
[07:18] Yomogi
    You could buy out my entire family business.
[07:21] Yayoi
    Wow!
[07:22] Yuzu
    I had no idea you had this kind of talent.
[07:24] Yayoi
    Nice work! Now you can
    buy any dress you want!
[07:28] Mako
    No, not yet.
[07:29] Mako
    I've made so much already,
    it would be a waste to stop now.
[07:34] Mako
    If I keep gambling and making more and more,
    maybe I can become rich and famous for real!
[07:38] Mako
    Just like Saeka and Hikari.
[07:40] Yuzu
    I know how you feel,
    but what about the risk?
[07:43] Yuzu
    If you mess up, you could lose it all.
[07:47] Mako
    Obviously, I'm not going to
    bet everything on crypto.
[07:51] Mako
    I also started a blog.
[07:52] Mako
    When I posted my earnings since yesterday,
    a bunch of people got interested.
SIGN    Total Asset Value
SIGN    Cash
SIGN    Savings
SIGN    Cryptocurrency
SIGN    Securities
SIGN    Cards
SIGN    Digital Currency
SIGN    Points
SIGN    Other Income
SIGN    Tea with Money
     Shirakabe Mako Official Blog
SIGN    Views:
SIGN    Are you still shopping without crypto?
SIGN    Topic: Money
SIGN    Good afternoon, everyone!
     It's finally time for you to level up.
[07:57] Yomogi
    That's an insane number of views!
[07:59] Mako
    With this many views, I'll start
    gobbling up ad revenue, too!
[08:04] Mako
    Mwahahaha...
[08:07] Yayoi
    Mako-chan's glowing!
[08:08] Yuzu
    It's her celebrity aura!
    Her celeb aura has awakened!
[08:12] Mako
    And that ain't all.
SIGN    Mako Channel
[08:13] Mako
    I started streaming, too!
SIGN    Anyone Can Do It
SIGN    Pencil Method
     I'll Teach You How to Score Big with Crypto
[08:16] Yuzu
    Impeccable presentation.
[08:17] Yomogi
    Insane subscriber count!
SIGN    #Crypto
     Anyone can do it!
     I'll teach you how to master crypto with the pencil method!
SIGN    Mako
     Channel Subscribers:
     376,000
SIGN    6245 Comments
     Salary King  8 Hours Ago
     The Pencil Superstar's lesson was so helpful.
    
     Good Money  11 Hours Ago
     I loved this lesson from the Pencil Superstar!
[08:20] Yayoi
    Pencil Superstar?
[08:22] Mako
    Just a little nickname.
[08:23] Mako
    It exploded overnight, and now I'm
    famous in some parts of the web.
[08:27] Mako
    My videos already have one million views.
[08:30] Mako
    I should get a ton of ad
    revenue from that, too.
SIGN    Posts
SIGN    Followers
SIGN    Follow
SIGN    Request Follow
SIGN    Following
[08:34] Mako
    They're blowing! The winds of
    fame and fortune are blowing!
[08:37] Yayoi
    It's a storm! The yen pressure
    system is creating a storm!
[08:40] Yuzu
    The yen pressure system is shaking the atmosphere!
[08:42] Yomogi
    What the heck is a yen pressure system?!
[08:43] Mako
    But that isn't enough for me!
[08:46] Mako
    So far, I'm just nouveau riche.
[08:48] Mako
    If I want to be truly rich and famous,
[08:50] Mako
    I need a life that makes
    people really jealous!
[08:52] Yayoi
    She's getting a ton of comments.
SIGN    Money Money  3 Minutes Ago
     If Mako-chan holds a seminar,
     I definitely want to participate!!!!
[08:54] Yuzu
    It says, "If Mako-chan holds a seminar,
    I definitely want to participate."
[08:58] Mako
    That's it!
[08:59] Yuzu
    You're going to hold a seminar?
[09:01] Mako
    Tsk, tsk, tsk...
[09:02] Mako
    There's only one of me,
[09:04] Mako
    and there's a limit to how many
    people can attend a seminar.
[09:06] Mako
    It'd be inefficient.
[09:08] Mako
    There's an easier way.
[09:10] Mako
    Yeah, I'll do an online salon!
[09:12] Yayoi
    Online salon?
[09:14] Mako
    The organizer gets people together
    online to share information
[09:17] Mako
    and hold different kinds of
    events. It's like a club.
[09:21] Yomogi
    I still don't get it.
[09:22] Yomogi
    It sounds like you're trying to bottle
    and sell tap water. It's kind of scary.
[09:25] Yayoi
    You should try it too, Yomogi!
[09:27] Yayoi
    But do it like you're selling
    takoyaki instead of water.
[09:29] Yomogi
    That would just make me
     a traveling salesman.
[09:32] Yuzu
    But won't it take a lot of work to get
    an online salon up and running?
SIGN    Tea with Money
SIGN    Membership Fee
    10,000 Per Month
[09:35] Mako
    It's ready!
SIGN    Membership Fee
    10,000 Per Month
[09:36] Yayoi
    Too fast!
[09:38] Mako
    Just wait, Saeka, Hikari.
[09:41] Mako
    I'll show you. I'll become
    rich and famous, too!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[09:49] Saeka
    We certainly have a large
    number of sweets to advertise.
[09:53] Hikari
    I couldn't help it.
[09:54] Hikari
    My father isn't interested in comedy at all.
[09:57] Hikari
    He'll only let me do the Teppen Grand Prix
    if I plug our sweets during the routine.
[10:02] Saeka
    Normally, Mako would be
    gobbling them up by now.
[10:05] Hikari
    She's been spending a lot of time
     with Young Wai-Wai lately.
[10:08] Saeka
    Shall we bring them some later, then?
[10:14] Yayoi
    Wow!
SIGN    Tea with Money
SIGN    Registered:
[10:16] Yayoi
    You've already got more than
     10,000 people signed up!
[10:18] Yuzu
    And you just set it up yesterday!
[10:20] Yomogi
    But what in the world are you wearing?
[10:22] Mako
    My superstar status calls
     for superstar fashion!
[10:26] Mako
    Oh, it's time for the online salon.
[10:29] Member
    And so, I'd really like to ask
    your advice about what I need
[10:32] Member
    for the next step of my business scheme.
[10:35] Yayoi
    Hey, what's a "scheme"?
[10:37] Yomogi
    It's super helpful for cleaning
    stuff like a takoyaki grill.
[10:40] Yomogi
    You just blast it with hot water vapor.
[10:42] Yuzu
    Eh-heh, isn't that steam?
[10:43] Mako
    Basically, I think the important
    thing is commitment.
[10:47] Mako
    When you adjust for the results,
[10:49] Mako
    it has the benefit of maximizing your synergy.
[10:51] Mako
    Brush up your commitment
    to make it a prioritization,
[10:54] Mako
    so you can initiative consensus, and then
[10:57] Mako
    your rice curry will bring
    forth a win-win wiener bomb
[10:59] Mako
    that you can wish on a hamburger man!
[11:01] Yayoi
    M-Mako-chan's speaking a foreign language!
[11:04] Yomogi
    Speaking only in Japanese could get you
    kicked out of the online salon world.
[11:08] Mako
    Phew!
[11:09] Yayoi
    Mako-chan, that was amazing!
    What did all that stuff mean?
[11:13] Mako
    I don't have the slightest clue.
[11:14] Yayoi
    Huh?!
[11:15] Mako
    I just strung together some words
    I found online that looked good.
[11:19] Yomogi
    But your viewers looked convinced.
[11:21] Mako
    The important thing is mood, not meaning.
[11:24] Mako
    That's just how it works.
[11:25] Yuzu
    That can't really be true.
[11:27] Mako
    I've already reached 10,000 members,
[11:30] Mako
    and each membership costs 10,000 yen.
[11:32] Mako
    So add it all up, and...
[11:36] Mako
    If I earn this much every month, I'm rich!
[11:40] Mako
    I'd totally live up to the celeb name!
[11:43] Mako
    I'll be the definition of rich and famous!
[11:45] Yayoi
    I can see it! The castle of
    gold shining behind you!
[11:48] Yuzu
    And the yen pressure system
    could split the world in half!
[11:51] Yomogi
    Seriously, what's a yen pressure system?!
[11:53] Mako
    Heh. But that ain't all.
    I'm gonna keep hitting the jackpot!
[11:58] Yayoi
    Come in.
[12:00] Saeka
    We wanted to share these with you.
[12:02] Saeka
    Thank you for always being so kind to Mako.
[12:04] Mako
    Saeka!
[12:05] Yayoi
    Wow! Thank you!
[12:08] Mako
    W-What?
[12:11] Saeka
    Your brow is furrowed.
[12:13] Mako
    Huh?
[12:14] Saeka
    Celebri-Tea should always be
    proper and elegant. Right?
[12:20] Mako
    My face looks... so trashy right now.
[12:23] Yuzu
    Huh?
[12:25] Yuzu
    One of the salon members has a suggestion.
[12:28] Yayoi
    He says he wants to sell power pencils that
    are infused with Mako-chan's abilities.
[12:32] Yomogi
    What the heck is a power pencil?
SIGN    Eggplant Mang
SIGN    I'd even buy one for 10,000 yen!
SIGN    ×〇△-kun
SIGN    I'll buy one!
SIGN    A suggestion!
     I'd like to sell Mako-san pencils
     that are infused with
     Mako-san's powers.
[12:35] Yuzu
    This guy's saying he'd
    pay 10,000 yen for one.
[12:37] Mako
    Seriously?!
[12:38] Yuzu
    Oh! Look at all the pre-orders!
[12:40] Yuzu
    This is going to make you
    even richer, Mako-chan!
[12:43] Mako
    Y-Yeah...
[12:45] Mako
    Is this really going to bring me
    closer to Saeka and Hikari?
[12:51] Mako
    To those two?
[12:53] Yayoi
    Ah! Another fun suggestion.
    An online handshake event!
[12:56] Yomogi
    Don't the thrills come from
    actually shaking hands, though?
[12:59] Yayoi
    They'll be virtual thrills!
[13:01] Yuzu
    50,000 yen each...
SIGN    I'd like to participate.
    
     Sign me up.
    
     Definitely!
    
     Yes, please.
[13:03] Yuzu
    But so many people are interested!
[13:05] Yomogi
    Another huge profit...
[13:07] Yayoi
    Check out this one!
[13:08] Yayoi
    "Sell the rights to be reincarnated
    in a virtual world
[13:11] Yayoi
    after being virtually run over by
    Mako-chan driving a virtual truck."
[13:14] Yomogi
    There's not a scrap of product there.
[13:15] Yuzu
    But it's already flooded with requests!
[13:18] Mako
    The money... It just keeps coming!
[13:21] Mako
    But the thing I really wanted to be is...
[13:24] Yayoi
    Another one! "Get an online
    roundhouse kick from Mako-chan..."
[13:26] Mako
    Enough!
[13:29] Yayoi
    Mako-chan?
[13:31] Mako
    I can't do it like this.
[13:35] Mako
    I first saw them at our high school
     entrance ceremony.
[13:38] Mako
    Saeka and Hikari seemed to be a
    different color than everyone else.
[13:42] Yuzu
    A different color?
[13:43] Mako
    They weren't like anyone else.
[13:45] Mako
    It's as if they were colored in
    with paints made just for them.
[13:48] Mako
    That's what it looked like to me.
[13:51] Mako
    But of course they did.
[13:52] Mako
    One was the heiress to the
    biggest tea company in Japan.
[13:56] Mako
    The other was the heiress to
    a legendary sweets company.
[13:59] Mako
    They were both born special.
    They were so lucky.
[14:02] Mako
    I knew we came from different worlds,
[14:05] Mako
    but when I saw how excited they
    got talking about comedy,
[14:09] Mako
    I just had to meet them.
[14:10] Mako
    You know how unusual it is to
    find women seriously into comedy.
[14:14] Yuzu
    I sure do.
[14:15] Mako
    I wanted to become friends,
    even though I was so different.
[14:20] Mako
    And before I knew it,
[14:22] Mako
    I was lying to them and saying
    I was the daughter of a CEO, too.
[14:26] Yayoi
    So the reason you needed
    all that money was...
[14:29] Mako
    If I kept lying, I knew I'd
    eventually blow my cover.
[14:33] Mako
    If I actually became rich and famous, though,
[14:35] Mako
    I thought the three of us could
     become real friends at last.
[14:41] Mako
    But this isn't the right way.
[14:43] Mako
    I can't really explain it, but even
    if I get rich and famous this way,
[14:46] Mako
    I still don't think I'd be on their level.
[14:49] Mako
    So...
[14:52] Mako
    I'll do it my way instead!
[14:55] Yomogi
    What are you doing now?
[14:57] Mako
    Real celebrities are people
    that everyone looks up to.
[15:01] Mako
    They're almost dreamlike.
[15:02] Mako
    If I want to be like that,
[15:04] Mako
    first I need to give some dreams back
    to the people that supported me.
SIGN    Mako
SIGN    Tell me what you really want to do in life!
SIGN    Like • Reply
[15:09] Mako
    Tell me what you really want to do in life!
[15:11] Young woman
    I want to build a nursing home
    out in the country,
[15:14] ---
    but I'm having trouble with financing.
[15:16] Mako
    Okay! I'll sponsor that!
[15:19] Young man
    Japanese society has a big
    problem with young people
[15:22] Young man
    who get burned out and can't find new jobs.
[15:26] Mako
    I'll take your word for it. I'll sponsor!
[15:29] Old woman
    I want to buy some nice clothes for my
    granddaughter's Shichi-Go-San celebration.
[15:33] Mako
    I'll sponsor it!
[15:35] Mako
    Sponsor! Sponsor! Sponsor!
[15:38] Mako
    Sponsor! Sponsor! Sponsor! Sponsor! Sponsor!
[15:46] Yuzu
    Mako-chan's yen pressure
     system dissipated.
[15:49] Yomogi
    I still don't know what the heck that is.
[15:51] Yayoi
    You're amazing, Mako-chan!
    You made people's dreams come true!
[15:56] Mako
    I used up all of my money
    in the process, though.
[16:00] Mako
    And the party is tonight.
SIGN    Mokkosu Movie Premium Party  ○○Hotel
[16:02] Mako
    I didn't get a dress
    after all. What do I do?
[16:09] Yayoi
    Mako-chan...
[16:11] Mako
    What?
[16:12] Yayoi
    Ta-dah!
SIGN    Jovijouva Mokkosu's New Film  Japan Premium Celebration Party
SIGN    Star Shark
     The Dorsal Awakens ~
[16:18] Mako
    I finally made it!
[16:21] Hikari
    Oh, you're late, Mako.
[16:24] Mako
    Sorry, sorry!
[16:31] Saeka
    That's a very nice dress.
[16:34] Mako
    Isn't it?
[16:36] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Ta-dah!
[16:38] (Flashback) Mako
    Is this...?
[16:40] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Don't you think it turned out all right?
[16:42] (Flashback) Yayoi
    We worked so hard to make it.
[16:44] (Flashback) Yuzu
    It took a while to find cheap
    fabrics that looked expensive.
[16:48] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Just tell people it's a dress
     from an up-and-coming,
[16:50] (Flashback) Yomogi
    avant-garde young fashion designer,
     and you'll be fine.
[16:54] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Probably.
[16:55] (Flashback) Mako
    Guys...
[16:58] (Flashback) Mako
    Wow! Thank you!
[17:00] (Flashback) Mako
    I'll never call okonomiyaki
    a random mess again!
[17:04] (Flashback) Mako
    And I'll always eat the
    octopus in takoyaki, too!
[17:06] (Flashback) Yayoi
    You really called it that?
[17:07] (Flashback) Yomogi
    You actually picked it out?
[17:17] Koseki
    Well, well.
[17:18] Koseki
    If it isn't Saeka-san,
     the Yabukita En tea company heiress.
[17:22] Koseki
    How have you been?
[17:23] Saeka
    It's nice to see you again.
[17:25] Saeka
    This is Koseki-san, from the
    film distribution company.
[17:28] Koseki
    Indeed, I am Koseki.
[17:29] Koseki
    And is this the Jogasaki
    Confectionery heiress?
[17:32] Koseki
    I've always wanted to meet you!
[17:35] Hikari
    The pleasure is mine, I'm sure.
[17:38] Mako
    Huh?
[17:38] Koseki
    But Saeka-san, you get lovelier by the day.
[17:42] Koseki
    What do you think about making
    your debut as an actress?
[17:44] Saeka
    Thank you, but I think I'll pass.
[17:46] Saeka
    I really don't think I'm
    cut out to be an actress.
[17:48] Koseki
    There you go again.
[17:49] Koseki
    Oh, I have to say hello
    to your father as well.
[17:52] Koseki
    We'll speak again.
[17:56] Mako
    What about me?
[17:58] Mako
    Excuse me. I'll take everything!
[18:01] Chef
    Huh?
[18:02] Mako
    It's all-you-can-eat, right?
[18:05] Yayoi
    Hey, stop!
[18:07] Mako
    Huh? Why are you here?
[18:08] Yayoi
    Heh heh heh... We snuck in.
[18:11] Yuzu
    We were worried about you.
[18:13] Mako
    Aw, you don't need to worry about me.
[18:15] Yuzu
    If you don't act like you're rich
    and famous, it'll raise eyebrows.
[18:19] Mako
    You're right. This tiny plate
    wouldn't fit everything, anyway.
[18:23] Mako
    But I expected that, so I brought
    containers for the food!
[18:26] Yomogi
    That isn't the point!
[18:30] Koseki
    Ouch!
[18:32] Mako
    Oh! I'm sorry!
[18:38] Koseki
    Don't go dropping your garbage
    in my party, you dumb brat!
[18:41] Koseki
    Hey, make sure that girl
    doesn't get back in here.
[18:44] Young guy
    Yes, sir.
[18:45] Koseki
    I can't take it.
[18:48] Koseki
    Being in the same room with a bum
    like that makes me want to puke.
[18:54] Hikari
    It's nice and hot.
[18:55] Saeka
    Thank you.
[18:58] Koseki
    And that dress, too. I can only put
    up with so much trash at once.
[19:01] Koseki
    How dare she wear that cheap thing here!
[19:06] Koseki
    It burns!
[19:09] Koseki
    Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
[19:12] Saeka
    Please don't fret.
[19:14] Saeka
    That wasn't cheap.
    It was very high-quality tea.
[19:18] Yayoi
    What? What?
[19:19] Saeka
    Someone like you, who sees nothing
    but money, would never understand
[19:24] Saeka
    how valuable that dress actually is.
[19:27] Koseki
    Eh?
[19:28] Saeka
    Furthermore, no matter who you are, I will
    not tolerate someone insulting my friends.
[19:34] Koseki
    Ah! I'm... Ungh!
[19:36] Saeka
    Now, please excuse me.
[19:42] Saeka
    My childhood friend Hikari was the only
    person I felt I could be myself with.
[19:46] Saeka
    My classmates and the other
    children gave me a wide berth.
[19:49] Saeka
    They felt that I came from a different world.
[19:52] Saeka
    It was as if there was an invisible wall
    around me. I was tremendously lonely.
[19:57] Saeka
    But Mako, with nothing but a love
    of comedy, broke down that wall.
[20:04] Saeka
    I can't tell you what a relief it was.
[20:07] Yayoi
    You both knew that Mako wasn't
    rich and famous, didn't you?
[20:10] Hikari
    Of course we did.
[20:12] Hikari
    We knew she was working online
    to make money all week, too.
[20:16] Yomogi
    You did?
[20:17] Hikari
    Naturally. She wasn't
    exactly sneaky about it.
[20:20] Saeka
    We planned to make it look like
    she won a contest or something,
[20:23] Saeka
    and arrange for her to get a dress that way.
[20:26] Saeka
    But thanks to you all,
    we didn't have to do that.
[20:30] Yuzu
    Did you have to go that far?
[20:31] Yuzu
    Why couldn't you just talk
     to Mako-chan about it?
[20:34] Yayoi
    Yeah. Mako-chan is really worried
    that she can't be your friend
[20:37] Yayoi
    unless she's rich like you.
[20:39] Saeka
    If we told her to simply stay the way she is,
[20:42] Saeka
    when she's been working so hard to fit in,
[20:44] Saeka
    wouldn't that be the truly arrogant,
    condescending behavior?
[20:47] Hikari
    It's not as if it'd stop her, anyway.
[20:50] Saeka
    That's right. It wouldn't stop her.
[20:52] Mako
    Hey. You were both here the whole time?
[20:56] Mako
    Ah! This isn't what it looks like!
[20:58] Mako
    I thought I'd bring some gifts to
    all the servants I have at home.
[21:06] Saeka
    The three of us are already friends.
[21:12] Saeka
    If I put effort into it, I could
    probably buy all of Japan.
[21:15] Hikari
    No way!
[21:16] Hikari
    But... I guess I can't rule
    it out in your case, Saeka.
[21:18] Mako
    You mean you haven't bought a country yet?
[21:21] Mako
    I've already bought, like,
    ten countries myself!
[21:23] Saeka
    Oh, my. But I'm not jealous at all.
[21:26] Saeka
    I already have the things I wanted most.
[21:31] Hikari
    What are you even talking about?
     Let's drop it already.
[21:41] Seiji
    Hngh!
[21:46] Mako
    Prince Shotoku, lend me your powers!
[21:49] Yuzu
    She got a job transcribing interviews.
[21:51] Yomogi
    But ten at once? That's crazy!
[21:53] Yuzu
    I wonder what she's saving up for this time.
[21:56] Yayoi
    Well, if we need to, we could
    always make it for her again!
SIGN    Robotrain
SIGN    A Close Shave
SIGN    Starring Celebri-Tea
SIGN    Director: Jovijouva Mokkosu
[22:02] Mako
    It's a robot, but I can't tell them that...
[22:05] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:54] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Lamp Chapter

E5 - The Lamp Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Mone
    What a pain.
[00:05] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[00:07] Chihori
    It's a school day.
[00:09] Chihori
    What a wretched Earth custom.
[00:11] Mone
    While we're stuck here, everyone at
    Takako-so is practicing their comedy.
[00:16] Mone
    People say if you skip one day of manzai,
    it takes two weeks to get it back.
[00:21] Chihori
    Some do say comedy is verbal athletics.
[00:23] Yuina
    My true name is Jupitris Naru-Nanana—
[00:26] Yuina
    Ah, I botched it again.
[00:28] Mone
    You can't do that, Yuina.
[00:29] Mone
    It's your true name. You gotta
    learn how to say it smoothly.
[00:32] Yuina
    But you're the one who
    came up with it, Mone.
[00:35] Yuina
    Why did you have to make it so long?
[00:37] Chihori
    Yuina, most space alien
    names are really long.
[00:41] Mone
    That's right.
[00:42] Mone
    Leave it to Chihori to see
    things from the alien side.
[00:46] Chihori
    Eh? B-But isn't that common
    knowledge among Earthlings, too?
[00:49] Yuina
    That doesn't make any sense.
[00:51] Mone
    If we're gonna make it to the Grand Prix final,
     we have to constantly think up new bits.
[00:55] Mone
    There's never enough time, though.
[00:58] Chihori
    Yeah, for sure.
[01:08] Yuina
    Finally back in Hokkaido.
    It's so relaxing here.
[01:11] Chihori
    There are so many people around Takako-so
    all the time, it always feels like a festival.
[01:16] Mone
    That's the city for you.
[01:17] Yuina
    I like the country the best.
     It's so peaceful.
[01:20] Mone
    Hold on there, Yuina. The countryside
    ain't always peaceful, ya hear?
[01:24] Yuina
    Is that a new character?
[01:26] Mone
    Somethin' tells me ya don't know about
    the seven folk legends of Hokkaido.
[01:31] Yuina
    Seven folk legends?
[01:33] Chihori
    What are they? What are they?
[01:35] Chihori
    Like, a gigantic laser cannon
    on standby in satellite orbit?
[01:39] Chihori
    Or an underground facility for making
     cow-shaped weapons of mass destruction?
[01:43] Mone
    It ain't anything like that
    Hollywood-type stuff, darlin'.
[01:46] Mone
    I'm talkin' about the old wives'
    tales that country grannies tell.
[01:49] Yuina
    For example?
[01:50] Mone
    Aw, dang it. I forget.
[01:52] Chihori
    You forgot already? That's too bad.
[01:55] Yuina
    Folk legends, huh? It'd be fun
    if we could spot one of those.
[01:58] Mone
    You think?
[01:59] Chihori
    I'd love to see one while
    I'm still on Earth.
[02:02] Yuina
    While you're still on Earth?
[02:03] Chihori
    Never mind!
[02:04] Mone
    By the way, last year I got
    an interesting holiday gift.
[02:08] Mone
    Expensive-looking imported dishes.
[02:10] Yuina
    There are a lot of really
    cute imported dishes.
[02:13] Mone
    Yeah, these were cute. And they flew.
[02:16] Yuina
    They flew?
[02:17] Mone
    Yeah. Sometimes they'd
    float up into the air.
[02:20] Yuina
    The dishes?
[02:21] Mone
    The dishes.
[02:22] Chihori
    Probably because they were imported.
[02:23] Mone
    That's probably it.
[02:25] Yuina
    I guess imported dishes can fly, then.
[02:27] Mone
    Yeah, imported dishes can fly.
[02:31] Yuina
    Huh? What was that?
[02:37] Mone
    What a pain.
[02:39] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[02:41] Chihori
    'Cause we have to. It's a school day.
[02:43] Mone
    While we're stuck here, everyone at
    Takako-so is practicing their comedy.
[02:48] Mone
    People say if you skip one day of manzai,
    it takes two weeks to get it back.
[02:50] Yuina
    Huh?
[02:52] Yuina
    Huh?
[02:53] Yuina
    Huh?!
[02:55] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[02:55] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[02:56] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[02:57] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[02:58] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[02:59] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[03:00] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[03:00] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[03:02] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[03:02] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[03:04] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[03:04] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[03:05] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[03:05] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[03:07] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[03:08] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[03:09] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[03:09] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[03:10] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[03:12] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[03:13] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[03:13] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[03:14] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[03:15] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[03:15] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[03:17] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[03:18] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[03:19] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[03:20] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[03:21] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[03:21] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[03:21] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[03:22] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[03:23] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[03:23] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[03:25] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[03:26] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[03:26] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[03:26] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[03:28] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[03:28] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[03:29] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[03:29] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[03:31] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[03:32] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[03:33] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[03:34] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[03:34] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[03:36] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[03:36] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[03:38] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[03:38] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[03:40] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[03:41] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[03:43] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[03:43] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[03:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[03:47] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[03:48] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[03:51] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[03:54] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[03:57] [SONG] all call
    All that
[03:58] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[03:58] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[04:01] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[04:01] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[04:06] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[04:06] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[04:11] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[04:15] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[04:15] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[04:18] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[04:18] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[04:23] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Lamp Chapter
[04:32] Yuina
    Huh? How?
[04:33] Chihori
    What, Yuina?
[04:35] Mone
    Oh. She's trying to get out
    of practicing her name.
[04:37] Mone
    Are you able to say it right yet?
[04:39] Yuina
    What? No, sorry.
[04:41] Mone
    You can't do that, Yuina.
[04:43] Mone
    It's your true name. You gotta
    learn how to say it smoothly.
[04:46] Yuina
    Most space alien names are really long.
[04:49] Mone
    That's right. So it has to be long.
    I'm glad you understand.
[04:53] Yuina
    I guess I'm imagining things...
[04:57] Chihori
    The air in Hokkaido smells so fresh!
[05:00] Mone
    But see here, Chihori.
[05:02] Mone
    There's some mysterious wonders
    hidden around Hokkaido too, darlin'.
[05:05] Yuina
    Huh? Was this...?
[05:07] Chihori
    Mysterious?
[05:08] Mone
    Somethin' tells me ya don't know about
    the seven folk legends of Hokkaido.
[05:13] Chihori
    Seven folk legends?
[05:14] Yuina
    Huh?
[05:15] Chihori
    This sounds fun!
[05:16] Chihori
    Tell me! Tell me!
[05:17] Mone
    I forget what they're about.
[05:19] Chihori
    You forgot already?
[05:20] Yuina
    I'm definitely not imagining things.
[05:22] Chihori
    Something wrong, Yuina?
[05:24] Chihori
    You got quiet all of a sudden.
[05:26] Mone
    Are you hungry? Want a buttercream cookie?
[05:28] Mone
    There's nothing to drink, though.
[05:30] Chihori
    You can't eat a buttercream
    cookie without a drink!
[05:32] Yuina
    No, thanks. It's okay. I'll be fine.
[05:34] Chihori
    Without a drink, it'd be way too sweet.
[05:37] Mone
    But hey, listen to this.
[05:39] Mone
    I got some imported dishes as
    a holiday gift last year.
[05:42] Mone
    Imported dishware is really cute.
[05:45] Chihori
    Oh, is it?
[05:48] Mone
    They're really fancy and
    stylish and they fly,
[05:51] Mone
    so they make any meal look delicious.
[05:53] Yuina
    Imported dishes...
[05:54] Chihori
    That's so neat. I want
    some flying dishes, too.
[05:57] Mone
    Flying dishes are great, ya hear?
[05:59] Yuina
    They fly, huh?
[06:02] Yuina
    What?! Wait. Is this...?
[06:09] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[06:11] Chihori
    'Cause we have to. It's a school day.
[06:13] Yuina
    It's all back to where it started!
[06:15] Mone
    What's wrong, Yuina?
    What's back to where it started?
[06:19] Chihori
    The food you ate?
[06:20] Mone
    Here's a barf bag.
[06:22] Yuina
    That's my backpack!
[06:23] Yuina
    And that's not what I'm saying!
    I mean that time started over!
[06:26] Mone
    Wha? The old time slip trick?
[06:29] Yuina
    Daibutsu with lipstick?
[06:30] Mone
    Why'd you have to play the
    sexy Buddha card right now?
[06:32] Mone
    Yuina is on the verge of
     sci-fi enlightenment.
[06:34] Mone
    Keep your satorical jokes to yourself.
[06:36] Yuina
    You mean neither of you noticed?
[06:38] Mone
    There we go. Sci-fi is the way, Yuina.
[06:41] Yuina
    I'm being serious!
[06:43] Yuina
    Time keeps repeating!
[06:46] Yuina
    Huh? Huh? Huh?!
[06:49] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[06:52] Chihori
    'Cause we have to.
[06:53] Yuina
    What?!
[06:54] Chihori
    Oh! You surprised me!
[06:56] Mone
    What's wrong, Yuina?
[06:57] Mone
    Did you see a horsehair crab
    walking forwards or something?
[06:59] Chihori
    A straightforward crab?
     The real honest type?
[07:02] Yuina
    We're back again.
[07:04] Yuina
    Is it going to keep looping forever?
[07:06] Yuina
    And that loop was even
    shorter than the last. Why?
[07:10] Yuina
    Calm down, Yuina. This is when
    you gotta start counting sheep.
[07:13] Yuina
    There must be some rule to the looping.
[07:16] Yuina
    If I can just figure it out...
[07:18] Yuina
    Could it have started over
    because I told them?
[07:21] Chihori
    Something wrong, Yuina?
[07:23] Mone
    Are you hungry? Want a buttercream cookie?
[07:25] Mone
    There's nothing to drink, though.
[07:27] Chihori
    You can't eat a buttercream
    cookie without a drink!
[07:29] Yuina
    That has to be it. I can't let
    them know what's happening.
[07:33] Yuina
    If I break the rules, it starts over.
[07:33] Chihori
    It's so good! But it tastes so sweet...
[07:36] Yuina
    It keeps resetting at the same moment.
[07:38] Mone
    Mm-hmm.
[07:40] Yuina
    That buzzer sound... that's like when you
    give the wrong answer on a quiz show.
[07:44] Mone
    But hey, listen to this.
[07:46] Mone
    I got some imported dishes as
    a holiday gift last year.
[07:49] Yuina
    Here it is!
[07:50] Yuina
    What am I getting wrong?
    And what is the right response?
[07:55] Mone
    Imported dishware is really cute.
[07:58] Chihori
    Oh, really?
[07:59] Yuina
    I've been wondering...
[08:01] Mone
    They're really fancy and stylish and they fly,
[08:04] Mone
    so they make any meal look delicious.
[08:06] Yuina
    Dishes don't fly, do they?
[08:09] Yuina
    Dishes floating up into the air...
[08:12] Yuina
    Oh!
[08:12] Yuina
    That's just a poltergeist!
[08:16] Mone
    Ah, I hadn't thought of that.
[08:17] Yuina
    Huh? Huh?
[08:20] Yuina
    What? Were those lamps there before?
[08:23] Mone
    Lamps? What are you talking about?
[08:25] Yuina
    Huh?
[08:26] Yuina
    Could it be... they don't see them?
[08:29] Yuina
    N-Never mind.
[08:31] Yuina
    It didn't repeat again.
[08:32] Yuina
    And that sound must mean
    I got it right or something.
[08:36] Yuina
    Is that why the lamp lit up?
[08:38] Yuina
    There are seven lamps...
[08:40] Yuina
    Only one is on now. But why
    did that one turn on?
[08:44] (Flashback) Mone
    Somethin' tells me ya don't know about
    the seven folk legends of Hokkaido.
[08:49] (Flashback) Yuina
    That's a poltergeist!
[08:51] Yuina
    Mysteries of the unknown!
[08:53] Yuina
    The seven lamps must
    represent seven mysteries.
[08:55] Yuina
    A poltergeist must have been one,
    and that's why the lamp lit up.
[09:00] Yuina
    So, the previous loop...
[09:03] Yuina
    I broke out of it when I got the answer right.
[09:05] Yuina
    I guess it kept looping because I didn't
    react to the flying plate thing.
[09:09] Yuina
    So there are seven mysteries
    in our conversation,
[09:11] Yuina
    and I need a comeback for each one?
[09:15] Yuina
    But I don't know what
    the mysteries could be.
[09:18] Yuina
    I'd look them up, but I'm
    out of range, so I can't.
SIGN    Out of Range
[09:21] Chihori
    Is Yuina talking to herself?
[09:24] Mone
    I bet she's working on a new bit.
[09:26] Mone
    Maybe she's finally embracing her
    role as a space-manzai comic.
[09:30] Chihori
    Ah, buttercream cookies are a
    national treasure of Hokkaido.
[09:34] Mone
    They go beyond national.
    More like a planetary treasure.
[09:38] Mone
    The delicious flavor is out of this world.
[09:40] Chihori
    They actually sell them on Pluto
    for ten times the original price.
[09:44] Mone
    Oh, do they?
[09:46] Mone
    Sometimes you talk about space like
    you've actually been there, Chihori.
[09:49] Chihori
    I h-haven't! That isn't even possible.
[09:52] Mone
    I know. It's just a joke.
[09:54] Chihori
    Yeah, a joke. A joke.
[09:56] Yuina
    Phew. That wasn't one
    of the seven mysteries.
[09:59] Yuina
    I guess I can ignore Chihori's
    usual silly setups.
[10:02] Mone
    Here, have the last one.
[10:03] Yuina
    Oh, thank you.
[10:05] Chihori
    Wait a minute. How did you
    buy buttercream cookies?
[10:08] Chihori
    When was there time for that?
[10:09] Mone
    I didn't buy them. They were given to me.
[10:12] Chihori
    Huh? Someone giving away
    buttercream cookies must be a god.
[10:15] Chihori
    The buttergod?
[10:16] Yuina
    I've never heard of such a calorie-rich god.
[10:18] Mone
    Not a god. More like, um...
[10:22] Mone
    A really wee person.
[10:23] Yuina
    You mean a child?
[10:25] Mone
    No, not a child. I dunno. A wee person.
[10:29] Yuina
    How big?
[10:30] Mone
    This big.
[10:31] Chihori
    That's tiny!
[10:32] Yuina
    That's too tiny!
[10:33] Mone
    But a buttercream cookie
     is about this big, right?
[10:36] Mone
    It makes sense that the buttergod
    would be that big, too.
[10:39] Chihori
    She does have a point there.
[10:41] Yuina
    I guess the buttergod is pretty small.
[10:44] Yuina
    Oh, no!
[10:48] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[10:50] Chihori
    'Cause we have to.
[10:52] Yuina
    How come?!
[10:53] Chihori
    Oh! You surprised me!
[10:54] Mone
    What's wrong, Yuina?
[10:55] Mone
    Did you find out your grandma was a pumpkin?
[10:57] Chihori
    It would be shocking to find a pumpkin
    growing from your family tree.
[11:01] Yuina
    It's repeating again. What did I get wrong?
[11:05] Mone
    But hey, listen to this.
[11:06] Mone
    I got some dishes as a
    holiday gift last year.
[11:09] Mone
    And they float into the air,
    and it looks so nice.
[11:11] Yuina
    A poltergeist!
[11:14] Yuina
    The second mystery must have been
    in the conversation somewhere.
[11:18] Yuina
    So missing it does make the loop start over.
[11:20] Chihori
    Wait a minute. How did you
    buy buttercream cookies?
[11:23] Chihori
    When was there time for that?
[11:25] Mone
    I didn't buy them. They were given to me.
[11:27] Yuina
    What is it? What is the next mystery?
[11:30] Mone
    Um, a really wee person. Like this big.
[11:34] Yuina
    A wee person?
[11:35] Yuina
    Where have I heard a story like that before?
[11:38] Yuina
    Oh, I know. I'm sure it was...
[11:41] Yuina
    That's a Korpokkur!
[11:45] Yuina
    Yes!
[11:46] Mone
    Oh. It was a Korpokkur.
[11:49] Mone
    That explains why it was so small.
[11:51] Chihori
    That sure was nice of the Korpokkur
    to give you a buttercream cookie.
[11:52] Yuina
    If I can keep dishing out
    the right comebacks,
[11:55] Yuina
    time should go forward without repeating.
[11:58] Yuina
    But that sounds totally exhausting.
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Invaders
[12:09] Yuina
    My true name is Jupitris Naru-Naru Nyuigi—
[12:13] Yuina
    Ah, I botched it again.
[12:14] Mone
    Your training is far from complete.
[12:17] Yuina
    I told you it was too difficult!
[12:19] Mone
    Oh yeah? Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji
    Yuina is easy for me to say.
[12:23] Yuina
    That's because you came up with it, Mone.
[12:27] Yuina
    Why did we have to go with the
    "we are space aliens" theme, anyway?
[12:30] Mone
    We had to. We needed something
    to give us character.
[12:33] Mone
    That first performance was
    really our turning point.
[12:37] Chihori
    Who would have thought space alien
    characters would be so popular?
[12:39] Yuina
    Which means we can't turn back,
    and now I just have to suffer with it.
[12:44] Mone
    But don't you think it would be awesome
    if we took the Teppen like this?
[12:48] Mone
    We'd be big stars in Hokkaido!
[12:50] Chihori
    Stars, huh?
[12:52] Chihori
    I wonder if my mother and father 30,000
    light years away would be happy for us.
[12:57] Yuina
    N-No! That's the wrong spot!
    Quit setting me up, Chihori!
[13:01] Mone
    Actually, I have a dream about becoming
    famous and reuniting with an old friend.
[13:07] Chihori
    Oh, this is gonna be good.
[13:09] Mone
    I don't know where she's living now,
[13:12] Mone
    but I bet she'd find me
    once we become famous.
[13:16] Yuina
    Yeah, I bet. That happens sometimes.
[13:18] Mone
    She was so nice.
[13:20] Yuina
    Was she?
[13:22] Mone
    Ate a lot, laughed a lot...
[13:24] Yuina
    Huh.
[13:25] Mone
    ...and her body was all green.
[13:27] Yuina
    What a development.
[13:29] Mone
    Also, she lived deep underground.
    Have you heard about it?
[13:32] Mone
    I went home with her once, and there
    was this huge city underground.
[13:37] Yuina
    An underground... city?
[13:38] Mone
    Yeah. It had this weird vibe to it,
[13:41] Mone
    like it was tens of thousands
    of years old or something.
[13:44] Yuina
    An underground city that's tens
    of thousands of years old...
[13:47] Yuina
    That's the lost underground
    city of Shambhala!
[13:52] Yuina
    Nice! I'm on a roll!
[13:53] Mone
    What are you doing, Yuina?
[13:55] Chihori
    You seem happy about something.
[13:56] Yuina
    I-It's nothing!
[13:58] Yuina
    I just wish I could meet Mone's
    fresh, green friend, too.
[14:02] Mone
    Don't talk about people's friends
    like they're vegetables.
[14:07] Chihori
    So your mother and father encouraged you
    to do the Teppen Grand Prix, Yuina?
[14:13] Yuina
    Yeah. They keep telling
    me to give it all I got.
[14:16] Yuina
    My dad, you know, used to be
    in a band and tried to go pro.
[14:20] Yuina
    He'd say, "We're gonna rock you
    so hard, it'll set Hokkaido on fire!"
[14:24] Yuina
    At least that's what I've heard.
[14:25] Yuina
    Pretty cheesy, huh?
[14:26] Mone
    Very cheesy.
[14:27] Yuina
    Eventually he gave up, got a
    real job, and got married.
[14:32] Yuina
    But since my dad was like that too,
[14:35] Yuina
    he told me to do whatever
     I wanted while I was young.
[14:38] Chihori
    That was a somewhat nice story.
[14:40] Yuina
    Somewhat?
[14:42] Mone
    I'm jealous, Yuina.
[14:44] Mone
    I've kind of got a problem
    with my dad at home.
[14:47] Yuina
    A problem?
[14:49] Chihori
    This is the first I've heard of it.
[14:50] Yuina
    Are you really worried about it?
[14:52] Yuina
    We'll listen if you want to talk about it.
[14:54] Mone
    Yeah. Actually, my dad...
[14:58] Mone
    won't build me a giant robot.
[15:01] Yuina
    Huh?
[15:02] Chihori
    And what's the problem with that?
[15:04] Mone
    It's a huge problem!
[15:06] Mone
    The dad is supposed to make a
    giant robot for the kid to pilot.
[15:09] Mone
    It happens all the time in robot anime!
SIGN    We Asked 100 Robot Anime Protagonists,
    "Who Built Your Robot?"
SIGN    Father Built It
SIGN    I Stole It
SIGN    I Found It at School
SIGN    It Was the School
SIGN    Other
[15:11] Mone
    The results of the survey say so!
[15:14] Yuina
    When did you have time to conduct a survey?
[15:16] Mone
    My chances of piloting a robot
[15:19] Mone
    have dropped off the charts because
    my dad won't build me one.
[15:22] Mone
    It's a huge problem!
[15:24] Yuina
    Sorry. I'm having trouble
    seeing it that way.
[15:27] Mone
    If he won't build me a robot,
[15:29] Mone
    at least he could don a
    mask and black uniform
[15:31] Mone
    and start hissing, like, "Shu-koh, shu-koh."
[15:34] Mone
    Without an enemy like that, how can
    I become the hero of an interstellar war?
[15:38] Yuina
    Maybe you're aiming a little too high.
[15:40] Chihori
    The black mask and "shu-koh,
    shu-koh" reminds me...
[15:43] Yuina
    A black mask and "shu-koh, shu-koh"
    reminds you of something?
[15:47] Chihori
    Do you remember that "Hokkaido! Doh! Doh!" gag
[15:51] Chihori
    that propelled the comedian,
    Bushido Sasaoka, to stardom?
[15:55] Chihori
    One time when Sasaoka-san was doing a gag on
    location in Sapporo, he started thinking,
[16:00] Chihori
    "I've got to take a good, long look at myself
    and perfect my delivery of this joke."
[16:04] Mone
    Would delivery really help that joke?
[16:06] Yuina
    That's rude, Mone.
[16:07] Chihori
    Then Sasaoka-san happened
    upon another person
[16:11] Chihori
    who looked just like him
    doing the exact same joke.
[16:13] Mone
    Looked just like him? Like a
    ninja's bunshin ability?
[16:17] Chihori
    Maybe if you really perfect your jokes,
    it turns into a kind of ninjutsu.
[16:22] Yuina
    Is it ninjutsu? No...
[16:24] Yuina
    A phenomenon when you
    encounter your double.
[16:27] Yuina
    I've heard about that
    somewhere. It's got to be...
[16:30] Yuina
    That's a doppelgänger!
[16:33] Yuina
    Correct! Now there's three left.
[16:35] Yuina
    Once I light them all up,
    I should escape this time loop.
[16:42] Mone
    It must be nice to be rich
    like everyone in Celebri-Tea.
[16:46] Yuina
    Doesn't your family own a big farm, Mone?
[16:49] Mone
    Yeah, but that's Hokkaido.
[16:51] Mone
    A farm in Hokkaido is worth about
    as much as one tatami mat in Osaka.
[16:55] Yuina
    That can't be right.
[16:56] Mone
    I wish they'd at least hide a
    giant robot underneath the farm.
[17:00] Mone
    The ground would split open, and the
    robot would go "brrr" and come out.
[17:04] Yuina
    It would be a disaster, because
    the cows would all fall in!
[17:07] Chihori
    A while ago, I met an old lady who
    said she lived in Lake Kussharo.
[17:12] Chihori
    She seemed pretty rich.
    And she had this huge dog!
[17:16] Yuina
    Yeah, you gotta be rich to have a big dog.
[17:19] Mone
    Lucky her. What was its name?
[17:21] Chihori
    I don't know the breed, but it looked...
[17:24] Chihori
    Something like this.
[17:26] Yuina
    Isn't that... not a dog?
[17:27] Mone
    How big was it?
[17:28] Chihori
    Maybe about 15 meters.
[17:30] Yuina
    That's a monster!
[17:31] Yuina
    Wait! This must be...
[17:34] Yuina
    Um, um...
[17:37] Yuina
    A 15-meter-long monster that
    is clearly not a dog...
[17:40] Yuina
    Was there a mysterious
    phenomenon like that?
[17:43] Chihori
    You don't look well, Yuina.
[17:45] Mone
    Want a potato stick?
[17:47] Yuina
    Wait. But if it's living in Lake
    Kussharo, that must mean...
[17:53] Yuina
    That's Kussie!
[17:55] Yuina
    Oh! I got it!
[17:57] Mone
    Ah, the monster that lives in
    Lake Kussharo in Teshikaga.
[18:01] Mone
    Now that you mention it, I haven't
    heard about many sightings recently.
[18:07] Mone
    Hokkaido, like, beats all
    the other prefectures.
[18:11] Chihori
    Oh, yeah. The food is delicious, and the
    environment is beautiful. It's the best.
[18:16] Mone
    No, that's not what I mean.
[18:18] Yuina
    Then what do you mean?
[18:19] Mone
    If you threw the prefectures like shuriken,
[18:23] Mone
    the Hokkaido one would totally dominate.
[18:25] Yuina
    Where'd you get those?
[18:26] Mone
    I made them from cardboard.
[18:28] Mone
    Tokyo is small and probably
    wouldn't fly far.
[18:31] Mone
    Osaka is unbalanced and
    would probably fall flat.
[18:34] Mone
    The only other prefecture
    that could compete is Iwate.
[18:37] Mone
    But I think our Hokkaido would still win.
[18:40] Chihori
    Hokkaido certainly might be the strongest.
[18:42] Chihori
    Especially since the residents are so tough.
[18:45] Yuina
    Are they? They don't seem that way to me.
[18:47] Chihori
    But I saw a woman running
    wicked fast the other day.
[18:51] Yuina
    Maybe she was a track-and-field athlete.
[18:53] Yuina
    What? No way! For that?!
[18:58] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[19:00] Chihori
    'Cause we have to.
[19:02] Chihori
    Oh? What's wrong, Yuina?
[19:04] Yuina
    Not again...
[19:07] Yuina
    Poltergeist!
[19:08] Yuina
    Korpokkur!
[19:09] Yuina
    Shambhala!
[19:09] Yuina
    Doppelgänger!
[19:10] Yuina
    Kussie!
[19:14] Yuina
    I've finally made it back here.
[19:17] Yuina
    I gotta get it right this time!
[19:19] Chihori
    I saw a woman running wicked
    fast the other day.
[19:22] Chihori
    She was as fast as a northern
    fox being chased by a bear.
[19:26] Mone
    That's the speed of sound!
[19:27] Yuina
    This woman must be connected to
    some mysterious phenomenon.
[19:30] Yuina
    But "running fast" isn't enough information.
[19:33] Yuina
    If I can just get another hint...
[19:35] Yuina
    Do you remember what the woman looked like?
[19:38] Chihori
    What she looked like? She was pretty.
[19:41] Yuina
    Anything else?
[19:42] Chihori
    Hmm...
[19:43] Chihori
    You know, her clothes did
    seem a bit out-of-style.
[19:46] Chihori
    Like from the 1970s, I guess.
[19:49] Yuina
    And?
[19:50] Chihori
    She was a narcissist.
[19:51] Mone
    How do you know her personality?
[19:53] Chihori
    Well, she kept asking everybody
    around, "Am I pretty?"
[19:57] Mone
    That is quite the narcissist.
[19:59] Chihori
    Oh, and her mouth was split open.
[20:00] Yuina
    Why didn't you say that earlier?!
[20:03] Yuina
    The Slit-Mouthed Woman!
[20:07] Yuina
    Sweet! Just one left.
[20:09] Chihori
    Look! You can see the school.
[20:12] Yuina
    You're right!
[20:13] Yuina
    It's always a relief to
    see a familiar building.
[20:17] Mone
    That isn't necessarily true.
[20:18] Mone
    Sometimes people are really shocked
    when they see familiar structures.
[20:22] Yuina
    For example?
[20:23] Mone
    Like when he finds the Statue of Liberty
    and yells, "You maniacs! You blew it up!"
[20:27] Yuina
    But that's a super-unusual case!
[20:29] Chihori
    Time just flew by as we were chatting.
[20:32] Chihori
    I thought we'd be able to
    practice our bits more.
[20:35] Mone
    No kidding. Yuina still can't
    say her true name yet.
[20:38] Yuina
    My true name is Jupitris
    Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina. See?
[20:43] Mone
    Oh! That's awesome, Yuina! Perfect!
[20:46] Mone
    You can actually do it now!
[20:47] Chihori
    Wow! You improved so much in just two hours!
[20:51] Yuina
    It wasn't two hours, though.
[20:53] Yuina
    Not for me.
[20:59] Mone
    Ah, I'm pooped. I'm gonna
    take a long bath tonight.
[21:03] Chihori
    Traveling long distances
    does wear you out, huh.
[21:05] Chihori
    It reminds me of when I first came to Earth.
[21:11] Yuina
    That last lamp never lit up.
[21:13] Yuina
    I still don't know what the seventh mystery was.
[21:16] Yuina
    Is this how it's supposed to be?
[21:27] Yuina
    What's that?
[21:31] Mone
    Wow! What's this?
[21:33] Yuina
    Oh, I get it now!
[21:35] Yuina
    The last of the seven mysteries!
[21:37] Yuina
    I'm glad this one was so simple.
[21:40] Yuina
    Overenthusiastic crop harvesting!
[21:43] Yuina
    Huh? Wait a... Wait! No! Don't!
[21:52] Mone
    Why do we have to go back, anyway?
[21:54] Chihori
    'Cause we have to.
[21:56] Chihori
    Hmm? What's wrong, Yuina?
[21:59] Yuina
    Not again!
[22:01] Chihori
    Are you okay, Yuina?
[22:03] Mone
    Want a buttercream cookie?
[22:05] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:54] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Flour Chapter

E6 - The Flour Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    Hello there!
[00:04] Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    Bull's-eye!
[00:06] Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:07] Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    We're Bullet Kunoichi!
[00:09] Kana
    You know, something's been bothering me.
[00:11] Chitose
    Oh? What is it?
[00:12] Kana
    I want to get better at housecleaning,
[00:15] Kana
    but if I get too good, the emperor of darkness
     might notice me or something.
[00:21] Kana
    He'll say,
[00:22] Kana
    "If you're so good at cleaning, how about
    you wipe out the human race for me?"
[00:24] Kana
    What if he asks me that? What should I do?
[00:27] Chitose
    How would we know?
[00:28] Chitose
    You went from cleaning house to
    becoming the destroyer of worlds!
[00:31] Iroha
    Why can't you just get a little
     better at cleaning instead?
[00:35] Kana
    That's easy for you to say.
[00:38] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:38] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:39] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:40] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:41] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:42] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:43] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:43] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:45] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:45] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:47] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:47] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:48] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:48] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:50] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:51] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:51] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:51] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:53] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:54] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[00:56] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[00:56] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[00:57] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[00:58] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[00:58] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:00] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:01] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:02] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:03] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:04] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:04] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:04] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:05] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:06] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:06] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:08] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:09] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:09] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:09] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:11] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:11] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:12] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:12] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:14] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:15] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:16] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:17] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:17] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:19] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:19] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:21] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:21] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:23] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:24] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:26] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:26] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:28] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:31] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:34] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:37] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:40] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:41] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:41] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:44] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:44] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:49] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:49] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:54] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[01:58] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[01:58] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[02:01] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:01] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:06] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Flour Chapter
[02:10] Seiji
    All right, then. See you later.
[02:11] Yayoi
    Good luck at the World Maximum Power Outlet!
[02:15] Yomogi
    No, it's the World Mammoth Museum. Right?
[02:18] Kana
    Huh? It's the Wanbada Moscow Mule Contest.
[02:20] Seiji
    That's totally wrong!
[02:21] Seiji
    World Muscle Coliseum!
[02:23] Seiji
    It's in America. It's the most influential
    bodybuilding contest in the world!
[02:29] Iroha
    Gimme two years, and I'll be there.
[02:31] Seiji
    Step on up when you're ready, girl.
[02:35] Yomogi
    You'll be gone four days?
[02:36] Seiji
    Right. I'm a little worried about you,
     so I planned a tight schedule.
[02:41] Seiji
    Be good while I'm gone, okay?
[02:42] Kana
    Just sail off like you're on a Black Ship
     and leave the rest to us.
[02:45] Chitose
    Is he going to open the
    country or something?
[02:47] Seiji
    Just don't make a mess or
    get into any trouble, okay?
[02:51] Iroha
    You worry too much!
[02:52] Yayoi
    It's only four days. It'll be fine.
[02:54] Yayoi
    Right, Yuzu?
[02:55] Yuzu
    Huh? Um, yeah.
[02:57] Yayoi
    What's wrong, Yuzu?
[02:59] Yuzu
    N-Nothing. It's only four days.
     No problem at all!
[03:04] Seiji
    Yeah, I'm sure you're right.
[03:06] Yuzu; Yayoi; Yomogi; Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    Have a safe trip!
[03:10] Chitose
    What are you talking about?
[03:11] Chitose
    What are you talking about?
[03:13] Chitose
    Why a toothbrush?
[03:14] Iroha
    It's great that you're
    practicing your comebacks,
[03:16] Iroha
    but don't get too carried away, Chitose.
[03:19] Iroha
    Remember, since Seiji-san is gone,
    we have to make our own meals, too.
[03:24] Chitose
    If we split the work,
    we'll figure something out.
[03:27] Chitose
    I bet Celebri-Tea could
    make something amazing.
[03:30] Chitose
    At least their men in black will.
[03:31] Iroha
    Oh right, those men in black.
[03:33] Chitose
    Seiji-san sure is a worrywart, though.
[03:36] Chitose
    The dorm isn't going to get trashed
    or destroyed in just four days.
[03:41] Iroha
    What's wrong?
[03:43] Kana
    Spider! A spider!
[03:44] Kana
    A spider which is a man!
[03:45] Iroha
    Relax, Kana! It might be female!
[03:48] Kana
    That doesn't matter!
[03:50] Kana
    A weapon! I need a weapon!
[03:52] Kana
    I don't do spiders!
[03:54] Chitose
    You need something hard!
[03:55] Iroha
    How about this?
[03:56] Kana
    Thanks!
[03:56] Chitose
    Huh? Hey!
[03:57] Kana
    Chesuto!
[04:05] Kana
    Uh...
[04:07] Chitose
    What are we gonna do about this?
[04:10] Iroha
    What can we do?
[04:12] Iroha
    When Seiji-san comes back,
    we'll just have to apologize.
[04:15] Chitose
    That won't be enough!
[04:17] Chitose
    You know how protective
    Seiji-san is of this place!
[04:20] Chitose
    If he finds out...
[04:21] Iroha
    I-If he finds out?
[04:23] Seiji
    Get to work!
[04:26] Chitose; Iroha; Kana
    It's too heavy!
[04:27] Chitose
    That'll totally happen.
[04:29] Iroha
    We're in serious trouble!
[04:31] Kana
    Then our only hope is to repair it.
[04:34] Iroha
    Kana?
[04:35] Chitose
    Where'd that uniform come from?
[04:37] Kana
    Full disclosure, my uncle
    is a famous carpenter.
[04:40] Kana
    I started helping him out
    at work when I was a kid.
[04:44] Chitose
    Huh. I never knew that.
[04:46] Kana
    Yeah, so repairing this
    will be a piece of cake.
[04:49] Iroha
    I've never seen Kana so responsible before!
[04:51] Kana
    I'll show you what I can do.
[04:58] Kana
    Well, that was a good day's work.
[05:01] Chitose
    What have you done?!
[05:03] Iroha
    Don't make it sound like a joke!
[05:05] Chitose
    That's even bigger than the first hole!
[05:07] Chitose
    Are you sure you helped your uncle?
[05:09] Kana
    Yeah. Until I was about three.
[05:11] Chitose
    You were just a baby! If you'd been a
    digital monster, you'd still be a ball!
[05:15] Kana
    I couldn't help it!
[05:16] Kana
    If I'd kept at it, I would've eventually
    become the genius carpentry artist
[05:20] Kana
    in charge of building the
    European royal palace.
[05:23] Kana
    But I couldn't speak European,
    so I decided to stop helping out.
[05:27] Chitose
    You've been daydreaming like
    this since you were three?!
[05:30] Iroha
    Fine. I'll take care of it myself, then.
[05:33] Kana
    Iroha-senpai!
[05:34] Chitose
    Iroha, are you up to that?
[05:36] Iroha
    I never told you, but I've done
    tons of construction work before.
[05:40] Kana
    Really?
[05:41] Iroha
    Yeah, in video games.
[05:42] Chitose
    Video games?!
[05:43] Iroha
    But I'm our only hope now. Just trust me!
[05:47] Iroha
    Here I go!
[05:57] Iroha
    Real life isn't like a video game.
[06:00] Chitose
    Yeah. You can't restart.
[06:03] Miyu
    Hey! It's almost time for supper!
[06:06] Chitose
    We'd better go.
[06:08] Kana
    Yeah, yeah.
[06:09] Kana
    There's still time before
    the manager returns.
[06:11] Kana
    We'll figure something out.
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[06:15] Hina
    Supper's almost ready.
[06:17] Yayoi
    Okay, just a minute.
[06:20] Yayoi
    Yuzu, what's wrong?
[06:23] Yayoi
    Are you sure you're okay?
[06:24] Yuzu
    Yeah, I'm fine.
[06:27] Yuzu
    I knew I was getting a canker sore.
[06:30] Yuzu
    Darn it. Even talking hurts.
[06:33] Yomogi
    Yuzu, do you have a
    stomachache or something?
[06:36] Yuzu
    Not at all. I'll be out in a second.
[06:40] Yuzu
    We still have to practice,
    so I don't want to distract them.
[06:44] Yayoi
    Something is definitely wrong.
    Is she keeping a secret from us?
[06:49] Yomogi
    Maybe something she's afraid to talk about.
[06:51] Yomogi
    Money problems or something?
[06:53] Yayoi
    We can't let her suffer alone!
[06:55] Yayoi
    We gotta figure out what
    it is and help her fix it.
[06:58] Yomogi
    You're right. That's what friends are for.
[07:01] Mone
    Eh? Your stagehands are all gone?
[07:04] Saeka
    They all took time off and
    left for vacation yesterday.
[07:08] Hikari
    It's just like you to offer
    them benefits, Saeka!
[07:12] Saeka
    But I'm a little perturbed
    by your reactions.
[07:15] Saeka
    Did you think we can't prepare a
    decent meal without our attendants?
[07:22] Mone
    I did.
[07:22] Yuina
    I did.
[07:23] Misao
    I did.
[07:24] Hina
    I did.
[07:25] Miyu
    I did!
[07:25] Misao
    Don't say it out loud!
[07:27] Saeka
    Very well, then.
[07:28] Saeka
    We will make you thoroughly understand
    that we aren't simply useless celebrities.
[07:33] Saeka
    Is everything prepared?
[07:34] Mako
    Of course!
[07:36] Chihori
    I'm looking forward to trying
    an Earthling celebrity meal.
[07:39] Misao
    A celebrity meal? You know what
    that's gotta be, right, Hina?
[07:42] Hina
    A high-class meal in
    Ibaraki would be a melon.
[07:45] Mone
    For melons, you gotta go to Hokkaido.
[07:48] Yuina
    Mm-hmm. Yubari melons are the best in Japan!
[07:50] Miyu
    You amateurs wouldn't understand.
[07:52] Mone
    Hmm? What'd you say?
[07:54] Miyu
    Ibaraki is the largest
    producer of melons in Japan.
[07:57] Miyu
    It's been that way for 20 years.
[07:58] Miyu
    Melons are the proud local
    delicacy of Ibaraki!
[08:01] Mone
    Huh. But are Ibaraki melons even famous?
[08:05] Miyu
    They're totally famous! You've never
    heard of the Ibaraking melon?
[08:09] Yuina
    Sorry, I haven't.
[08:11] Miyu
    What the heck is wrong with you!
[08:16] Miyu
    Misao, Hina.
[08:17] Miyu
    I guess I'm gonna have to do stand-up
[08:20] Miyu
    in this costume to promote Ibaraki melons!
[08:22] Misao
    Oh, no, you ain't.
[08:24] Misao
    If you go on stage looking like a ball,
    nobody will listen to the jokes!
[08:27] Miyu
    Oh, that's cold!
[08:28] Miyu
    You really gonna let Hokkaido
    steal our melons' citizenship?
[08:31] Hina
    I kinda don't care.
[08:33] Miyu
    Ugh...
[08:33] Misao
    It's ready!
[08:35] Chihori
    Celeb dinner time!
[08:37] Mone
    What is it?
[08:39] Saeka
    Nagoya's famous Taiwan
    ramen, Brazilian style.
[08:42] Misao
    Huh? What?
[08:44] Yomogi
    You stuffed three different
    place names into that line.
[08:47] Saeka
    There, there. Don't be so picky.
    Please help yourselves.
[08:51] Yuina
    Delicious!
[08:52] Kana
    I've never had it before,
     but the flavor is so familiar.
[08:55] Saeka
    I never had it, either, until I
    became friends with Mako.
[09:00] Hikari
    She said, "I'll show you a celeb
    delicacy you've never had before,"
[09:03] Hikari
    and introduced us to Taiwan ramen.
[09:06] Saeka
    It was as if the ingredients and seasonings
    weren't blending, but were battling.
[09:10] Saeka
    What an exhilarating flavor!
[09:11] Saeka
    One mouthful would be so rich with
    flavor you'd want to drink water,
[09:14] Saeka
    but instead you'd go for another!
     Mysteriously appealing!
[09:17] Saeka
    I've eaten all kinds of world-class
    cuisine since childhood,
[09:20] Saeka
    but I assure you I've never had anything
    quite as appealing as Taiwan ramen!
[09:25] Mako
    I don't think I can stand all this praise.
[09:28] Hikari
    If you've never had junk food,
    the flavor is a revelation.
[09:32] Mone
    It is actually pretty good,
    but what part of it is Brazilian?
[09:36] Saeka
    That was...
[09:37] Saeka
    The cook who taught me the recipe
    practiced jiu-jitsu as a hobby.
SIGN    Gureishii Brothers
[09:41] Misao
    Brazilian jiu-jitsu?!
[09:44] Yayoi
    What's wrong, Yuzu? Aren't you eating?
[09:47] Yomogi
    It's got a funny name,
    but it's actually good.
[09:49] Yuzu
    Eh? No, I'm good.
[09:51] Yuzu
    If I eat that with this
    canker sore, I'm a goner!
[09:55] Yayoi; Yomogi
    Does that mean... she's on a diet?!
[09:58] Yayoi
    She doesn't look like
    she's gained any weight,
[10:00] Yayoi
    but sometimes people get
    really self-conscious!
[10:02] Yomogi
    I get it. She's hearing the sirens
    from the diet police inside her head!
[10:06] Yayoi
    We need to make her realize
    she doesn't need a diet.
[10:10] Yayoi
    And for that...
[10:12] Yayoi
    Oh, by the way, have you lost weight, Yuzu?
[10:15] Yuzu
    Huh?
[10:15] Yomogi
    Yeah, totally! For a second, I thought
    you were a twig sitting there!
[10:19] Yomogi
    We just gotta flatter her.
    Even if it's obvious. Keep flattering!
[10:22] Yayoi
    Skinny things... What else is skinny?
[10:24] Yayoi
    Yeah, I thought she was a loose thread!
[10:27] Yomogi
    Nanofiber! So skinny I almost
    didn't see you at all!
[10:31] Yuzu
    Oh, no. Are they concerned about me?
[10:33] Yuzu
    Are they worried
    I'm not feeling well?
[10:36] Yuzu
    In that case, I gotta eat!
[10:43] Yayoi
    Yuzu!
[10:44] Yomogi
    What's wrong?
[10:45] Yayoi
    It must be guilt! The guilt of eating
    high-calorie food while on diet!
[10:50] Yayoi
    The guilt has turned into a poison
    that's eating her instead!
[10:54] Yomogi
    This can't be happening!
[10:56] Miyu
    Thank you for the food.
[10:58] Mako
    How was it?
[10:59] Misao
    I'll admit it's good, but it's still
    junk food. It wasn't enough for supper.
[11:04] Mone
    One more dish would be nice.
[11:07] Saeka
    I thought you would say that.
[11:09] Miyu
    You mean...?
[11:10] Saeka
    Of course I have something else ready.
[11:12] Saeka
    A Nagoya delicacy. Hitsumabushi eel!
[11:18] Saeka
    I procured the highest-quality
    eel for you all to enjoy!
[11:25] Kana
    I believe they're still alive, ma'am.
[11:27] Saeka
    I wanted to serve you the
    freshest ingredients possible.
[11:30] Mako; Hikari
    Oof!
[11:32] Mako
    What the...?! It's all slimy!
[11:34] Hikari
    Aah!
[11:35] Hikari
    Mako, it went that way!
[11:37] Mako
    I just had it!
[11:38] Saeka
    Hello, eels, would you mind
    joining us over here?
[11:41] Hikari
    They can't understand you!
[11:45] Saeka
    Eels, would you kindly
    stop being so slippery?
[11:50] Hikari
    They can't stop being eels!
[11:52] Saeka
    Please accept my apologies.
[11:54] Saeka
    Let's save the eel dish for another time.
[11:57] Iroha; Kana; Chitose; Hina; Miyu; Misao; Chihori; Mone; Yuina
    Yeah, let's.
[12:04] Kana
    Huh?
[12:06] Chitose
    Kana? Good. You came to.
[12:09] Kana
    Where are we?
[12:11] Chitose
    It appears we've been locked up.
[12:14] Kana
    That's one heck of an escalation!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[12:21] Chitose
    It won't work.
[12:23] Chitose
    There's no way we can cover it up.
SIGN    2. Insist that a titan attacked on us.
SIGN    Manager -> A titan would make international news!
SIGN    3. Oh, do those look like holes? They're for bubble tea. (^^)v  lolol
SIGN    Manager -> They're a little big for that!!
SIGN    1. Make him believe that "ruins" is a new design concept for the room.
SIGN    Manager -> You can't do that with my room!
[12:25] Iroha
    We can't talk our way
    out of a disaster this big.
[12:29] Kana
    There isn't even room to lay out our futons.
[12:31] Iroha
    We'll have to make an honest apology.
SIGN    1. Make him believe that "ruins" is a new design concept for the room.
SIGN    Manager    ->                You can't do that with my room!
SIGN    2. Insist that a titan attacked on us.
SIGN    Manager     ->                A titan would make international news!
SIGN    3. Oh, do those look like holes? They're for bubble tea (^ ^)v  lolol
SIGN    Manager     ->              They're a little big for that!!
[12:33] Iroha
    Seiji-san isn't a monster. He'll forgive us.
[12:37] Kana
    I'm a little peckish.
[12:41] Kana
    Let's see.
[12:43] Kana
    Oh! Found the fridge.
[12:46] Kana
    Hee-heheh-heheh.
[12:53] Chitose
    Kana?
[12:54] Iroha
    What happened?
[12:56] Iroha
    Um...
[12:58] Iroha
    Stairs?
[13:04] Chitose
    Is this...
[13:06] Iroha
    A weight room!
[13:09] Iroha
    Look at all this stuff!
[13:15] Chitose
    Hey, how do we open it?
[13:18] Iroha
    Hold on a second.
SIGN    This is Seiji's
     S E C R E T ♥♥♥
    weight room.
     Trespassers will be locked up until they turn into zombies.
                                                                                                                tee-hee♥
[13:23] Iroha
    What a weird way to use hearts.
[13:27] Iroha
    Where's Kana?
[13:34] Chitose
    That's what happened.
[13:36] Kana
    No way!
[13:37] Chitose
    I mean, an underground weight room is fine,
[13:40] Chitose
    but what's the point of
    punishing trespassers?
[13:42] Kana
    Where's Iroha-senpai?
[13:44] Chitose
    Oh...
[13:47] Chitose
    She gave up and started lifting.
[13:52] Iroha
    Why don't you try it, Kana?
[13:53] Kana
    She's so full of energy.
SIGN    1. Make him believe that "ruins" is a new design concept for the room.
SIGN    Manager    ->                You can't do that with my room!
SIGN    2. Insist that a titan attacked on us.
SIGN    Manager     ->                A titan would make international news!
SIGN    3. Oh, do those look like holes? They're for bubble tea (^ ^)v  lolol
SIGN    Manager     ->              They're a little big for that!!
[13:58] Yayoi
    What's this all about?
[13:59] Yomogi
    I don't know.
[14:00] Yayoi
    By the way, I haven't seen the Bullet
    Kunoichi girls since morning.
[14:04] Yayoi
    Where did they go?
[14:06] Yomogi
    You're right. That's weird.
[14:08] Miyu
    Kansai is full of natto-haters.
[14:11] Miyu
    Maybe they were cursed by the God of Natto.
[14:13] Yomogi
    What happens if you're cursed
    by the God of Natto?
[14:17] Miyu
    What happens is...
[14:18] Miyu
    When you go to wash your face in the morning,
[14:21] Miyu
    natto pours out of the faucet, all stringy
    and sticky, and then it never turns off!
[14:27] Yomogi
    That's simply terrifying.
[14:29] Mone
    It's ready.
SIGN    Chopsticks
[14:31] Yuina
    Hokkaido-style zangi!
[14:33] Chihori; Yuina
    Come and get it!
[14:35] Mone
    Come and get it.
[14:36] Yayoi
    Wow! That karaage looks delicious!
[14:38] Mone
    It isn't karaage. It's zangi.
[14:40] Yayoi
    Huh? Isn't it fried chicken?
[14:43] Mone
    It is fried chicken. That's why it's zangi.
[14:46] Yayoi
    But fried chicken is called karaage.
[14:48] Mone
    When you're from Hokkaido
    and you fry chicken, it's zangi!
[14:52] Mone
    A robot might use a "beam saber,"
[14:55] Mone
    but when a knight with psychic powers
    holds it, it becomes a "light saber," right?
[14:58] Mone
    It's the same thing.
[15:00] Miyu
    Okay. But if someone from Hokkaido fries it,
[15:02] Miyu
    and someone from Ibaraki
    serves it, what is it then?
[15:05] Chihori
    The contradictions of its existence
    would probably make it self-destruct.
[15:09] Misao
    What a waste of good chicken!
[15:11] Yuina
    Wh-Why are you saying it to me?
[15:16] Mako
    Hey, this is super delicious!
[15:18] Saeka
    Yes, it is very juicy.
[15:22] Miyu
    Yummy!
[15:23] Mone
    Oh, good. I was worried the
    flavor would be a mess, too.
[15:28] Yomogi
    Sounds like there's something behind that.
[15:31] Yuina
    Actually, we don't cook
    much to begin with, so...
[15:37] Yomogi
    Ahh...
[15:39] Yomogi
    That's trouble.
[15:40] Yuina
    We're sorry.
[15:41] Yayoi
    All good! All good! If we clean
    up together, it'll be a snap!
[15:45] Yuina
    Th-That's okay. We'll take care of it.
[15:48] Yuina
    Seiji-san would freak out if he came
    back and found Takako-so all messed up.
[15:53] Yuina
    We should take responsibility
    for what we did.
[15:56] Yuina
    Right, Mone?
[15:59] Mone
    Sorry. I have to go bring
    an end to the Empire.
[16:02] Yuina
    Don't try to run away!
[16:05] Chihori
    Sorry! I have to go defeat a space monster.
[16:08] Yuina
    You're trying to get out of it, too?
[16:10] Yuina
    You shouldn't lie like that!
[16:12] Chihori
    Huh? But it isn't a lie.
[16:16] Yomogi
    Yuzu?
SIGN    Sancho All-Purpose Flour
    
     Sancho
     Flour
    
     Udon • Okonomiyaki • Tempura
[16:22] Yayoi
    The bath is a problem, though.
[16:24] Yayoi
    I couldn't get in yesterday
    with all the eels.
[16:27] Yayoi
    I really want a bath today.
[16:29] Yuina
    What?
[16:33] Yuina
    What the heck are you doing?
[16:34] Hina
    Gathering materials.
[16:36] Hina
    Miyu said, "If we can't use the bath,
     we'll make a new one." See?
[16:42] Miyu
    A bath made to Mito Komon Neo specs!
[16:44] Misao
    But lumber's really expensive now,
    so we decided to use what we had on hand.
[16:49] Yuina
    You still can't tear up the floor, though!
[16:52] Hina
    How many more planks?
[16:54] Yuina
    I just said you can't tear up the floor!
[17:00] Miyu
    I beg you!
[17:01] Miyu
    I'm serious!
[17:02] Hikari
    P-Please, stop begging. Get up.
[17:05] Saeka
    You want us to use the
    bath you made? Really?
[17:10] Miyu
    Yeah! It's gotta be you guys!
[17:13] Saeka
    But we were about to go capture the eels.
[17:17] Saeka
    Why don't you use the bath yourself?
[17:20] Miyu
    No way!
[17:21] Miyu
    A Mito Komon Neo bath scene 
    needs to have sex appeal!
[17:25] Miyu
    But I don't have any,
    darn it! Zero sex appeal.
[17:27] Miyu
    Look! Just look at this!
[17:30] Mako
    Okay, fine. I guess I could
    put some skin in that game.
[17:35] Miyu
    I wasn't asking you, Mako.
[17:36] Miyu
    I'm asking Saeka and Hikari.
[17:38] Mako
    Why?! Just use me!
[17:40] Miyu
    You aren't taking Mito Komon Neo's
     bath scenes seriously!
[17:43] Miyu
    You're hopelessly unsexy, and that
    flat chest wouldn't do the job!
[17:47] Mako
    Grr! How can you tell 
    me I'm hopelessly unsexy!
[17:53] Yomogi
    Yuzu was totally staring at that
    bag of flour in the kitchen.
[17:57] Yomogi
    I think I figured out what's bothering her.
[18:00] Yayoi
    The flour... is it about Konamons?
[18:03] Yomogi
    Yup.
[18:04] Yomogi
    Your uncle runs an okonomiyaki restaurant.
     My family makes takoyaki.
[18:08] Yomogi
    That's why we named our duo
     Konamons, or "Flour People."
[18:10] Yomogi
    But Yuzu isn't associated with
    any kind of powdery substance.
[18:12] Yomogi
    Is she trying to acquire a powder of her own?
[18:16] Yomogi
    But a powder that isn't for
    okonomiyaki or takoyaki...
[18:19] Yayoi; Yomogi
    That dangerous white powder!
[18:21] Yayoi
    Oh, no! That stuff will get her arrested!
[18:24] Yomogi
    But it's the only possible explanation.
[18:26] Yomogi
    The flour bag in the kitchen must
    actually have the bad stuff in it!
SIGN    Sancho All-Purpose Flour
    
     Sancho
     Flour
    
     Udon • Okonomiyaki • Tempura
[18:30] Yomogi
    She's hiding it in there!
[18:32] Yayoi
    Then the reason the Bullet
    Kunoichi girls disappeared
SIGN    Ahahahaha!
[18:36] Yayoi
    is because they figured out Yuzu's secret?
[18:40] Yomogi
    Yuzu, what have you done?
[18:44] Yayoi
    Still, even if she bears that guilt,
     I want to stand by Yuzu!
[18:50] Yomogi
    That's right. We're the
    only allies Yuzu has!
[18:56] Yomogi
    Who's there?
[18:57] Chihori
    That's so moving!
[18:59] Yayoi; Yomogi
    Chihori-chan?!
[19:03] Chitose
    Nobody's come to rescue us.
[19:05] Chitose
    Are we gonna be stuck here
    until Seiji-san gets back?
[19:08] Kana
    I'm sick of protein drinks.
[19:11] Kana
    Why are protein drinks the only food here?
[19:13] Iroha
    There's some protein cookies, too.
[19:16] Kana
    I hate those. They're way too dry.
[19:18] Iroha
    You'll never build any muscle
    if you're that picky.
[19:21] Kana
    But I don't want muscle.
[19:23] Kana
    Ah... ugh!
[19:27] Chitose
    Kana?
[19:30] Chitose
    Kana!
[19:31] Iroha
    Oh, no! You can't down a
    protein cookie in one bite!
[19:34] Chitose
    She needs water! Water!
SIGN    This is Seiji's
     S E C R E T ♥♥♥
    weight room.
     Trespassers will be locked up until
     they turn into zombies.
    tee-hee♥
[19:36] Iroha
    We don't have any!
[19:38] Hikari; Mako
    We're done!
[19:41] Saeka
    That was exhausting.
[19:42] Hikari
    But now we should be able to
    make hitsumabushi tomorrow.
[19:46] Miyu
    Just a little more!
[19:47] Hina
    I'm so exhausted.
[19:50] Yuzu
    It got better!
[19:51] Yuzu
    Oh, good. I guess that vitamin drink helped.
[19:55] Chitose
    Kana! We can't let you die here!
[19:58] Iroha
    Cough it up! Kana!
[20:00] Chihori
    Here, use this.
[20:02] Yayoi
    What is it?
[20:03] Chihori
    A pistol-style multipurpose weapon
    of mass destruction. The RX-EVA-999.
[20:07] Yomogi
    Those exist in this setting?
[20:09] Yayoi
    Oh, cool. You'll let us use it?
[20:12] Chihori
    If you're going to fight for
    your friend, you need power, right?
[20:15] Chihori
    Use it however you like.
[20:17] Yayoi
    Okay, but how does it work?
[20:21] Yuzu
    Yayoi! Yomogi!
[20:23] Yayoi
    Yuzu?!
[20:23] Yuzu
    Sorry if I made you worry.
[20:25] Yuzu
    The truth is, in my mouth...
[20:27] Yayoi
    Ah! A spider!
[20:31] Miyu
    Perfect!
[20:34] Yuina
    We're finally done!
[20:46] Seiji
    I wonder if they're doing all right.
[20:53] Seiji
    Wha—!
[20:55] Seiji
    This can't...
[21:00] Yayoi
    Oh, Seiji-san!
[21:02] Yuina
    Welcome home!
[21:05] Seiji
    What the hell happened?!
[21:10] Iroha
    So you didn't get any better at cleaning.
[21:13] Kana
    It'll never happen. My head was in the clouds.
[21:16] Kana
    I a-spidered to a web-el beyond my reach.
[21:19] Chitose
    Trying to be a wise guy, huh?
[21:21] Chitose
    Let's wrap it up.
[21:23] Iroha; Kana; Chitose
    Thank you!
[21:26] Iroha
    Will it ever end?
[21:27] Miyu
    My cypress bath...
[21:28] Misao
    I can't take this any more.
[21:29] Hina
    I'm exhausted.
[21:30] Mone
    There's no way we can do this by ourselves!
[21:33] Seiji
    All right, quit moving your lips
    and start using your hands!
[21:36] Yayoi
    What was that ray gun for, anyway?
[21:39] Chihori
    Well, it turns out the space
    monster alert was a false alarm.
[21:43] Yayoi
    Oh. I don't get it, but I guess that's good.
[21:51] Kana
    Sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp...
[21:52] Kana
    Spiderspiderspiderspiderspiderspider...
[21:54] Kana
    Spider!
[22:00] Yayoi
    Seiji-san, are you okay?
[22:02] Miyu
    What a mess.
[22:05] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Mail-Order Chapter

E7 - The Mail-Order Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Miyu
    Hi, everyone! We're Akudare Kingdom!
[00:04] Miyu
    Love saves Ibaraki!
[00:05] Misao
    You're aiming too low!
[00:07] Misao
    Love should save the whole planet!
[00:09] Miyu
    Hey, hey, Ibaraki is practically
    synonymous with onsen, right?
[00:12] Hina
    Ibaraki isn't known for onsen at all.
[00:15] Hina
    Ibaraki is only famous
    for natto and hoodlums.
[00:17] Misao
    Hoodlums aren't a local specialty!
[00:19] Misao
    Ibaraki might not have a reputation for it,
[00:22] Misao
    but Oarai has tons of nice onsen.
[00:25] Hina
    But don't you think onsen
    are kind of creepy?
[00:28] Misao
    No way! Not at all.
[00:30] Misao
    It's always fun and games at the onsen.
[00:34] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:34] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:35] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:36] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:37] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:38] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:39] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:39] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:41] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:41] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:43] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:43] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:44] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:44] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:46] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:47] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:47] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:47] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:49] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:50] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[00:52] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[00:52] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[00:53] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[00:54] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[00:54] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[00:56] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[00:57] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[00:58] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[00:59] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:00] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:00] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:00] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:01] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:01] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:02] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:04] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:05] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:05] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:05] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:07] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:07] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:08] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:08] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:10] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:11] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:12] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:13] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:13] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:15] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:15] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:17] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:17] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:19] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:20] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:22] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:22] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:24] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:26] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:27] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:33] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:36] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:37] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:37] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:40] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:40] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:45] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:45] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:50] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[01:54] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[01:54] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[01:57] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:57] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:02] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
[02:04] Seiji
    I can tell you've all been
    slacking off recently.
SIGN    The Mail-Order Chapter
[02:07] Seiji
    Did you forget you're still in the middle
    of the qualifier for the Teppen Grand Prix?
[02:11] Seiji
    We can't have that!
[02:13] Seiji
    You need to aim for the top, so I'll help
    you get your minds and bodies back in shape.
[02:18] Seiji
    While I'm repairing Takako-so,
    you're going to a mandatory training camp.
[02:22] Seiji
    I've got the perfect place for you.
[02:24] Seiji
    It's an old inn owned by the Teppen Grand
    Prix Committee that isn't being used now.
[02:29] Seiji
    And it's called...
[02:33] Miyu
    Is this it?
SIGN    Do'em Inn
[02:36] Barbra
    Took you long enough.
[02:38] Barbra
    Welcome to Do'em Inn.
[02:43] Chitose
    "Do'em Inn"? After "Takako-so"?
[02:46] Chitose
    What's with all the bad jokes?
[02:48] Barbra
    You must never lose your sense of humor.
[02:51] Barbra
    That is the policy of the
    Teppen Grand Prix Committee.
[02:54] Yayoi
    Are you a committee member too, Granny?
[02:57] Barbra
    That's right. I'm Hotei Barbra.
[02:59] Barbra
    Just call me Barbra.
[03:01] Yomogi
    What an unusual name.
[03:02] Barbra
    I used to work in a hair salon.
[03:05] Chitose
    Your name is Barbera?!
[03:06] Barbra
    We're very proud of our outdoor bath here.
[03:09] Barbra
    We're far from the hustle and bustle of
    the city, so please relax and enjoy.
SIGN    Bean Room
[03:18] Takada
    Yeah!
SIGN    You Gotta Buy It
[03:18] Takada
    Once again, we're bringing you unusual
    products you won't find anywhere else!
[03:23] Hina
    What's wrong, Misao?
[03:25] Misao
    It feels like someone's watching me.
[03:27] Misao
    It's like a cold draft or a chill up the spine.
[03:31] Misao
    I mean, isn't this inn
    just a little too creepy?
[03:34] Misao
    It might even be haunted!
SIGN    Shriek
[03:37] Hina
    Misao, I didn't know you
    were such a chicken.
[03:39] Misao
    Huh? The heck I am!
SIGN    Mirin
SIGN    Salt
[03:42] Misao
    I'll take out all the ghosts
    with salt and mirin!
[03:45] Misao
    I ain't scared at all! Why would
    I be scared of anything?!
[03:46] Hina
    Huh. So Misao's a chicken?
[03:49] Hina
    That's unexpected.
[03:50] Hina
    Right, Miyu?
[03:53] Hina
    Miyu?
[03:54] Miyu
    Har har! Hilarious!
[03:56] Miyu
    This is the funniest manga I've ever read!
[03:59] Hina
    I didn't expect that either.
[04:00] Hina
    I thought you were only interested 
    in Mito Komon Neo, Miyu.
[04:03] Miyu
    That ain't true!
[04:04] Miyu
    But this one's a classic!
[04:06] Miyu
    It's an official spinoff of Mito Komon Neo.
SIGN    m 142 57 l 175 50 189 137 172 152 157 145
SIGN    Ooo-
    ooh!
SIGN    m 462 196 l 510 185 535 321 500 337 485 323
SIGN    Ko-
    mon
     Kick!
SIGN    Pow
[04:09] Miyu
    Detective Komon!
[04:11] Hina
    Detective... Komon?
[04:13] Miyu
    Yeah. Komon-sama got run over
    by a cow and croaked,
[04:16] Miyu
    but was reincarnated in the modern day,
[04:18] Miyu
    and now goes after evil magistrate
    types and totally beats them up!
[04:20] Hina
    And you think that's funny?
[04:25] Misao
    A piano?
[04:26] Miyu
    Oh, yeah. It sure sounds pretty.
[04:30] Hina
    But isn't that... a little weird?
[04:34] Yayoi
    Wow!
[04:36] Yayoi
    Looks delicious!
[04:37] Barbra
    How are you liking the inn?
[04:39] Barbra
    Are you enjoying yourselves?
[04:40] Kana
    Definitely! The scenery is great,
[04:42] Kana
    there's an outdoor bath,
    and the food looks delicious!
[04:45] Kana
    We've got no complaints!
[04:46] Hikari
    The piano performance was nice, too.
[04:48] Chitose
    The song really added to the mood.
[04:52] Barbra
    Piano?
[04:54] Yuzu
    What's wrong, Barbra-san?
[04:56] Barbra
    I-It's nothing.
[04:59] Barbra
    Sorry about this. I'll clean it up.
[05:04] Yuzu
    I wonder what's wrong.
[05:06] Yayoi
    Is she pianophobic?
[05:07] Misao
    I told you, something's not right.
[05:11] Yayoi
    Aah!
[05:12] Yomogi
    What is it this time?
[05:14] Kana
    The piano. It's a piano recital in the dark!
[05:17] Mone
    Or is it space? Are we adrift
     in the vastness of space?
[05:21] Miyu
    I bet we were swallowed up by a monkfish!
[05:24] Yayoi
    Oh! Sashimi tastes so good in the dark.
[05:26] Chitose
    You're all too random!
[05:30] Iroha
    Oh. It's back on.
[05:32] Misao
    But what happened?
[05:34] Yuina
    What's that?
[05:41] Miyu
    Um...
[05:43] Miyu
    "If you crack a smile with all
    your crooked, blackened teeth,
[05:45] Miyu
    your legs will point into the air,
    and you'll fall fast asleep."
[05:48] Mako
    What does it mean?
SIGN    Pon poro poro rin pon poro ri... dance around...  If you crack a smile with all those crooked, blackened teeth, your legs will point into the air, and you'll fall fast...  Hey yo! Into the sky you blow a kiss, worry 'bout all the things you miss.  Your head is pushing its limits, hard-working like the field crickets.  Gotta work, improve your role. You can't just try to run away.  Over there, you see that hole? You'll fall in if you go that way.  What, don't you see? Modern life is too crazy.  Written all bloody, a curse in calligraphy.  Ronin ronin ronin ronin. Breaking all your heart. Fly away, pigeon...  Ronin ronin ronin ronin. Don't become a heart attack, catch ball on next pass.  Yeah!
[05:49] Hikari
    No clue.
[05:55] Kana
    Take this!
[05:56] Kana
    Super Remembering-the-Naniwa-Tiger-Striped-Lady
    -Who-Gave-Me-Candy Genocide Pancetta Smash!
[06:01] Iroha
    Yes!
[06:02] Chitose
    At least hit it after that!
SIGN    This Beer
[06:03] Saeka
    Oh? Where's Mako?
[06:05] Mone
    She's taking a bath.
[06:07] Hikari
    Huh? We said we'd go together. Aw...
SIGN    This Beer
[06:10] Miyu
    I've re-ad it o-ver and o-ver
    and it st-ill makes no-o sense.
[06:13] Yayoi
    Wh-o put it th-ere a-nyway? We were
    the on-ly ones in the ro-om, r-ight?
[06:18] Yomogi
    Yeah, but I do-ubt anyone co-uld
    navig-ate through darkness like th-at.
[06:22] Barbra
    It's the curse.
[06:24] Misao
    Curse?!
[06:25] Barbra
    You all heard the piano, right?
[06:28] Barbra
    But that should have been
    impossible to hear.
[06:32] Barbra
    The piano in that cottage has
    been locked up for years.
[06:37] Hina
    There was a lock on the door.
[06:39] Yuina
    Then where did the sound come from?
[06:41] Barbra
    The horrors have begun! Nobody will
     be able to stop them now!
[06:45] Yuzu
    Horrors?
[06:48] Chihori
    What?
[06:51] Yayoi
    What's wrong?
[06:53] Hikari
    Mako is...
SIGN    Living Room
[07:01] Saeka
    Mako...
[07:02] Hikari
    She overheated in the bath.
    She must've gotten really dizzy.
[07:05] Saeka
    Why did she have to die like this?
[07:07] Hikari
    She ain't dead.
[07:10] Yuzu
    No good. No signal.
[07:11] Yuina
    Same here.
[07:13] Kana
    Chitose-senpai. Iroha-senpai.
[07:15] Chitose
    This isn't looking good.
[07:17] Iroha
    I went and checked the only way out of here,
SIGN    Wet Paint
[07:20] Iroha
    but the bridge is wet with paint. Hot pink.
[07:22] Chitose
    If we try to walk on it,
    our shoes will turn hot pink.
[07:25] Chitose
    That's a death sentence!
[07:27] Kana
    Our phones have no signal.
    If we leave, we die.
[07:30] Kana
    That means...
[07:31] Misao
    ...that we're trapped here?
[07:32] Barbra
    It's exactly what the lullaby says.
[07:35] Barbra
    The curse is the only possible explanation.
[07:38] Yayoi
    Barbra-san, what is that curse about anyway?
[07:42] Barbra
    Long ago, before this place
    was called Do'em Inn,
[07:47] Barbra
    a wealthy family used to live here.
[07:50] Barbra
    They had one son, and he
    loved playing the piano.
[07:54] Barbra
    He wanted to become a musician,
    but that dream didn't come true.
[08:00] Barbra
    In order to make him take
    over the family business,
[08:03] Barbra
    his father forced him to quit piano.
[08:07] Barbra
    With no hope for the future,
    the son took his own life.
[08:12] Barbra
    He left behind a lullaby,
     written in despair,
[08:17] Barbra
    that has been passed down
    through the generations.
[08:20] Yuzu
    What kind of song is it?
[08:22] Barbra
    It's faster if you just hear it.
[08:26] Yomogi
    Pon poro poro rin pon poro rin
[08:31] Yomogi
    Make your fingers dance around,
    and see what it might mean
[08:37] Yomogi
    If you crack a smile with all
    your crooked, blackened teeth
[08:43] Yomogi
    Your legs will point into the
    air, and you'll fall fast asleep
[08:50] Yomogi
    Hey! Yo!
[08:52] Yomogi
    Into the sky you blow a kiss
[08:53] Yomogi
    Worry 'bout all the things you miss
[08:54] Yomogi
    Your head is pushing its limits
[08:56] Yomogi
    Hard-working like the field crickets
[08:57] Barbra
    Gotta work, improve your role
[08:58] Barbra
    You can't just try to run away
[09:00] Barbra
    Over there, you see that hole?
[09:01] Barbra
    You'll fall in if you go that way.
[09:03] Yomogi
    What, don't you see?
[09:04] Yomogi
    Modern life is too crazy
[09:05] Yomogi
    Written all bloody
[09:07] Yomogi
    A curse in calligraphy
[09:08] Yomogi & Barbra
    Ronin ronin ronin ronin
[09:11] Yomogi & Barbra
    Breaking all your heart
[09:13] Yomogi & Barbra
    Fly away, pigeon coo-coo
[09:14] Yomogi & Barbra
    Ronin ronin ronin ronin
[09:17] Yomogi & Barbra
    Don't become a heart attack
[09:19] Yomogi & Barbra
    Catch ball on next pass
[09:20] Yomogi & Barbra
    Yeah!
[09:21] Barbra
    This is the lullaby that's been
    passed down for 50 years.
[09:24] Chitose
    There's no way that's 50 years old!
[09:27] Barbra
    There is a saying at the inn that's
    been passed down with the song.
[09:31] Barbra
    "Someday, the tortured soul of the
     piano will return with its lullaby,
[09:37] Barbra
    and that melody will lead to a curse."
[09:41] Yuina
    Just like the lyrics said, Mako-chan's legs
     were pointing into the air.
[09:46] Chihori
    Yeah. And she fell asleep.
[09:48] Kana
    Wait a minute.
[09:49] Kana
    Does that mean what happened to
    Mako is gonna keep happening?
[09:52] Misao
    What the heck? I can't believe
    we've actually been cursed!
[09:56] Barbra
    If this is the lullaby's curse, then there
     is only one way to break it.
[10:01] Yomogi
    There's a way to break it?
[10:03] Yuzu
    Please tell us, Barbra-san!
[10:04] Yuzu
    What do we have to do?
[10:07] Barbra
    Laugh.
[10:08] Barbra
    It is said that if you can fill the inn
    with laughter, the curse will be lifted.
[10:14] Chitose
    The heck is that? What does
    laughing have to do with a curse?
[10:17] Kana
    Maybe he wants to laugh because
    he was so sad when he died.
[10:20] Chitose
    That's kind of a stretch.
[10:22] Yayoi
    But laughter is our specialty!
[10:25] Yayoi
    And there's no other way,
    so let's give it a shot!
[10:28] Barbra
    I'll gather all the employees.
[10:31] Barbra
    They'll be your audience. Send them
    rolling on the floor with laughter!
[10:34] Yomogi
    Let's do our thing!
[10:38] Yomogi
    Hello!
[10:45] Barbra
    That's not good. They've frozen up.
[10:47] Chitose
    Of course they have! What kind
     of audience is that?!
[10:49] Barbra
    The son who killed himself
    had very pale skin.
[10:52] Barbra
    To break the curse,
[10:54] Barbra
    you have to make the audience laugh while
    they're all wearing white beauty masks.
[10:57] Yuina
    Why are there so many conditions?
[11:00] Misao
    There's no way we'll break the curse.
[11:02] Miyu
    There's no curse! The culprit
     is here somewhere!
SIGN    Suke
SIGN    Kaku
[11:05] Kana
    Miyu-chan, why are you dressed like that?
[11:07] Miyu
    I ain't Miyu. Call me
    Great Detective Komon!
[11:10] Hina
    You're so easily influenced.
[11:12] Miyu
    Shaddap!
[11:13] Miyu
    If we show our love for Komon-sama,
[11:15] Miyu
    maybe someday Akudare Kingdom will be 
    invited on Mito Komon Neo as guest stars!
[11:19] Chitose
    Oh, get real.
SIGN    Sigh
[11:21] Miyu
    Anyway! I'll totally prove to
    you that there's no curse!
SIGN    Suke
SIGN    Kaku
[11:25] Miyu
    I'll solve the mystery!
[11:27] Miyu
    In the name of Komon-sama!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[11:36] Misao
    What are you looking for?
[11:38] Miyu
    Evidence, obviously.
[11:40] Hina
    Did you find something?
[11:41] Miyu
    I found 100 yen!
[11:42] Hina
    So what?
[11:44] Miyu
    What else? What else?
[11:46] Misao
    There's no culprit. It's gotta be the curse.
[11:52] Misao
    Someone's watching again!
[11:53] Miyu
    There ain't no curse.
[11:56] Misao
    What is it this time?
[11:58] Chitose
    What happened?
[11:59] Saeka
    I wanted to get Mako some water,
    but when I went outside...
[12:06] Yuina
    Mone?!
[12:07] Yomogi
    Hey yo! Into the sky you blow a kiss,
    worry 'bout all the things you miss.
[12:11] Yomogi
    Your head is pushing its limits,
    hard-working like the field crickets.
[12:14] Kana
    Just like the lullaby said!
[12:17] Kana
    Again?
[12:20] Hikari
    When I went to get Mako a snack...
[12:25] Kana
    Iroha-senpai!
[12:26] Chitose
    Why is she stuck like that?
[12:27] Barbra
    Gotta work, improve your role,
    you can't just try to run away.
[12:30] Barbra
    Over there, you see that hole?
    You'll fall in if you go that way.
[12:33] Yuzu
    Is that the hole?
[12:35] Yuina
    Look over there.
SIGN    Curse
[12:37] Yomogi
    What, don't you see?
    Modern life is too crazy.
SIGN    Curse
[12:40] Yomogi
    Written all bloody, a curse in calligraphy.
[12:43] Yomogi
    How could anyone get over
    there to write that?
SIGN    Living Room
[12:46] Misao
    Yeah, it's gotta be the curse.
[12:48] Miyu
    But there's no way it's real!
    So stop saying "curse"!
[12:52] Hina
    Misao, why are you so scared of everything?
[12:56] Misao
    There's a reason for it.
[12:58] Misao
    It started a year ago.
[13:03] Misao
    Back then, I always felt like
    someone was watching me.
[13:07] Misao
    Whatever I was doing...
[13:10] Misao
    Whatever was happening...
[13:14] Misao
    I always felt someone watching.
    It was super creepy.
[13:18] Misao
    And then one day it happened.
SIGN    Ushiku
[13:22] Misao
    Something uncanny and terrifying...
[13:27] (Flashback) Misao
    Dried sweet potatoes!
[13:30] Hina
    That story...
[13:31] Misao
    Can you imagine how I felt?
[13:33] Misao
    The horror of finding my shoe locker
    stuffed full of dried sweet potatoes?
[13:37] Misao
    Now that I think about it,
    maybe that was a curse, too!
[13:40] Misao
    Ever since then, I've been a mess.
[13:43] Misao
    Ghosts and curses and the supernatural...
    I believe in them all.
[13:47] Misao
    I'm scared out of my wits!
[13:49] Miyu
    Misao!
[13:50] Miyu
    How many times do I have to tell you?
[13:52] Miyu
    There ain't no curse!
[13:53] Miyu
    I'll find the culprit and prove it to you.
[13:56] Miyu
    Then you won't get so freaked
    out about all this malarkey.
[13:59] Misao
    Miyu, you'd really do that for me?
[14:02] Miyu
    You and Hina are my Suke-san and Kaku-san.
[14:04] Miyu
    You're supposed to fight for your Komon,
    but you can't do that if you're always scared.
[14:09] Miyu
    So I'll fix whatever is bothering you.
[14:12] Miyu
    I'll protect you from fear, just as
    you protect me in battle!
[14:15] Miyu
    Because I know that's what
    Komon-sama would do!
[14:18] Misao
    Miyu—
[14:20] Miyu
    Misao!
[14:21] Hina
    Wh-What happened now?
[14:23] Miyu
    It must be a trick door.
[14:27] Misao
    Is this a hidden room?
[14:30] Hina
    Look. Misao?
[14:32] Misao
    How...?
[14:35] Miyu
    What's this?
[14:38] Miyu
    So that's what's going on here.
[14:40] Miyu
    This mystery is solved!
[14:42] Chitose
    So...
[14:43] Chitose
    Why'd you bring us all here?
[14:46] Yayoi
    Did you find something out?
[14:48] Miyu
    Yeah, I figured it all out.
[14:50] Miyu
    I'll explain it all to you—
[14:52] Miyu
    the truth behind the curse!
[14:54] Kana
    There is no truth! It's just a curse!
[14:57] Miyu
    No, it ain't.
[14:58] Miyu
    Everything so far has just been
    set up to look like a curse.
[15:02] Miyu
    All done by a certain individual.
[15:04] Hikari
    A certain individual, meaning...?
[15:06] Yomogi
    You're over-dramatizing it!
[15:07] Miyu
    That individual is here with us.
[15:09] Yayoi
    But isn't it strange that we heard a
    piano playing from the locked cottage?
[15:14] Yayoi
    And then that the envelope appeared?
[15:16] Yayoi
    That shouldn't be possible.
[15:18] Miyu
    No, it's all possible. First,
    take a look at this.
[15:23] Takada
    Once again, we're bringing you unusual
    products you won't find anywhere else!
SIGN    You Gotta Buy It
[15:28] Miyu
    That's Get-It-All Takada, a local 
    mail-order shopping program.
[15:32] Miyu
    They sell rare items that have
     extremely specific uses.
[15:34] Miyu
    It sounds like the show has a
    ton of really serious fans.
[15:38] Chitose
    What does that show have to do with this?
[15:40] Takada
    Yeah! Let's introduce
    today's special product!
[15:43] Takada
    Here it is!
SIGN    Takada
SIGN    First 100 Customers
SIGN    Order Number
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
SIGN    Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole
[15:44] Takada
    The Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole!
[15:46] Takada
    For when you want to play piano,
    but you can't get off the ceiling.
[15:49] Takada
    We all know what that's like, right?
[15:50] Chitose
    Nobody's ever been in that situation!
[15:52] Takada
    This is the perfect tool for the job!
[15:55] Takada
    When you have the Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole,
    look at what you can do!
[15:58] Miyu
    The cottage door was definitely locked,
    but none of us checked the roof.
[16:04] Miyu
    There's probably a small
    window or something.
[16:06] Miyu
    The culprit must've been
    playing the piano through that,
[16:09] Miyu
    using this Takaeda Piano-Playing Pole!
[16:12] Yuzu
    Then what about the letter?
[16:13] Miyu
    For that, they used this.
[16:15] Takada
    Yeah! Our next product is this!
SIGN    You Gotta Buy It
[16:17] Takada
    Sometimes, when you're eating,
[16:19] Takada
    you want to make an envelope appear
    out of nowhere, don't you?
[16:22] Chitose
    That never, ever happens!
[16:23] Takada
    This is what you need!
    An Envelope-Appearing Table!
SIGN    Takada
SIGN    First 100 Customers
SIGN    Order Number
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
SIGN    Envelope-Appearing Table
[16:26] Takada
    Just push the button on the remote. Oh, yeah!
[16:29] Miyu
    Someone could have used this to make
    the envelope appear, even in the dark.
[16:33] Miyu
    Last is the "curse" calligraphy on the rock.
SIGN    Curse
[16:36] Miyu
    A normal person would never
    be able to get over there.
[16:39] Miyu
    But there's a pond around the rock.
[16:41] Takada
    And our last product is this! A flyboard!
SIGN    Flyboard
[16:44] Miyu
    The culprit hovered to the rock
    with this to write the message.
SIGN    Flyboard
[16:48] Chitose
    That's one physically active criminal.
[16:50] Miyu
    Those devices were kept here
    in the inn's hidden room.
[16:53] Miyu
    The culprit would have known
    where that was. So...
[16:57] Miyu
    It had to be you! Barbra!
[17:04] Barbra
    You saw right through me.
[17:06] Yomogi
    Are you really the culprit, Barbra-san?
[17:08] Hikari
    Why would you do this?
[17:10] Barbra
    Seiji asked me to.
[17:12] Barbra
    He wanted me to put you through a test that
    would make you take comedy seriously.
[17:17] Barbra
    That's why I made up the curse and set up
    a performance where you could break it.
[17:21] Chihori
    The audience in white masks, too?
[17:24] Yuina
    You did it to scare us and
    push us to our limits.
[17:27] Kana
    Were the curse and the lullaby
    and everything all lies?
[17:30] Barbra
    Yes, I did make up the curse.
[17:33] Barbra
    But the lullaby is a real thing.
[17:36] Yuzu
    What do you mean?
[17:38] Barbra
    Fifty years ago, I lived
    next door to the inn.
[17:42] Barbra
    The inn owner's son, Toichiro
    was my first love.
[17:47] Yuzu
    The son who committed suicide?
[17:50] Barbra
    He didn't really commit suicide.
     I made up that part.
[17:55] Barbra
    The story about him wanting to
    become a musician was also a lie.
[17:58] Barbra
    Toichiro's dream was to become
    a piano-playing comedian!
[18:01] Barbra
    His parents objected, so he ran away,
     leaving behind that lullaby.
[18:06] Barbra
    Nobody knows where he is now.
[18:07] Barbra
    The song just seemed like the
    perfect choice for your test.
[18:11] Barbra
    Toichiro once aspired to be a comedian too.
SIGN    Piano Comedy
[18:14] Barbra
    He was so much like all of you right now.
[18:18] Barbra
    I thought it would be nice gesture
    to use that song in his memory.
[18:20] Saeka
    Please wait a minute!
[18:22] Saeka
    Does that mean you attacked
    Mako and the others as a test?
[18:25] Barbra
    I had nothing to do with that.
[18:27] Saeka
    Huh? What are you saying?
[18:29] Barbra
    I did try to scare you, but I had
    no intention of harming you.
[18:33] Barbra
    Attacking strangers would be a bit too
    much for an old mail-order fan like me.
[18:38] Saeka
    Then who...?
[18:40] Misao
    Someone's watching! Who's there?!
[18:43] Misao
    I won't let you get away this time!
[18:45] Misao
    Take this! A famous Mito natto bomb!
[18:48] Takada
    Argh, aaah, blegh, ew!
[18:51] Misao
    It's you!
[18:52] Takada
    Ugh, it's so sticky and slimy!
[18:54] Misao
    It's the guy from the shopping program!
[18:57] Hikari
    Mako! Are you feeling better?
[18:59] Mako
    It's him! It was his fault!
[19:07] (Flashback) Takada
    Ouch! Something bit me.
[19:15] (Flashback) Mone
    Hm?
[19:16] (Flashback) Mone
    Huh?
[19:19] (Flashback) Mone
    Ah! Okay...
[19:26] (Flashback) Iroha
    Who's there?
[19:27] Takada
    Oof! Oof!
[19:28] (Flashback) Iroha
    Oh, shoot!
[19:33] Yuina
    You were creeping around
    the inn to peep at Misao-chan?
SIGN    Slurp
SIGN    Slurp
[19:37] Misao
    We'll make you talk. Why were you doing it?
[19:39] Takada
    Well...
[19:41] Takada
    I caught a glimpse of you
    when you got off the train.
[19:44] Miyu
    Why are you so infatuated with Misao?
[19:47] Takada
    She looks just like her.
    Like my first love, Kikuyo-san.
[19:51] Takada
    I couldn't help but follow you.
[19:53] Takada
    When you arrived here, it felt like fate.
[19:57] Takada
    What a coincidence that you
    would come to my old home!
[20:00] Yomogi
    Wh-What did you just say?
[20:02] Yomogi
    This inn is your old home?
[20:04] Takada
    Yes. My parents wouldn't
    let me chase my dreams,
[20:08] Takada
    so I ran away and didn't
    come back for 50 years.
[20:11] Takada
    I couldn't build up the courage to
    come inside, so I kept watching from afar.
[20:16] Yuzu
    So that piano was yours?
[20:18] Miyu
    And your first love was...?!
[20:19] Barbra
    Toichiro-san, is that you?
[20:23] Takada
    I don't believe it!
[20:26] Takada
    Kikuyo-san?
[20:28] Young Barbra
    Do you really remember me?
[20:31] Young Takada
    How could I forget my one true love?
[20:34] Young Barbra
    Koichiro-san!
[20:35] Young Takada
    Kikuyo-san!
[20:43] Miyu
    See? I told you there was no curse.
[20:45] Misao
    This time, at least.
[20:46] Misao
    But what about those dried sweet potatoes?
[20:49] Hina
    We solved that one, too.
[20:51] Misao
    Huh?
[20:52] Hina
    Misao used to be really popular
    with the girls at school.
[20:55] Hina
    Some of them even called her a prince.
[20:58] Hina
    But she's a little intimidating
    and hard to talk to,
[21:00] Hina
    so everyone admired her from a distance.
[21:04] Hina
    In the halls, in the gym, in the cafeteria.
[21:07] Misao
    That's why I felt like I was being watched!
[21:09] Hina
    Since we were friends, the other girls
    asked me what kind of food you liked.
[21:14] Hina
    I told them you liked dried sweet potatoes.
[21:16] Miyu
    They asked me about you, too.
[21:17] Miyu
    They said, "I bought Misao a present,
    but I'm not brave enough to give it to her."
[21:21] Miyu
    So I told 'em what to do! I said to
    just stuff it in your shoe locker.
[21:25] Misao
    It was all your fault? Oh, jeez...
[21:28] All three
    Thank you very much!
[21:33] Kana
    That turned out pretty fun,
     in a thrilling kind of way!
[21:36] Chitose
    Yeah.
[21:37] Misao
    And there was no real curse,
    so case closed, I guess.
[21:40] Yuzu
    Don't be so sure yet.
[21:42] Misao
    Huh?
[21:43] Yuzu
    Sometimes words have power.
[21:45] Yuzu
    Even if something is a lie, once you put
    it into words, it might become reality.
[21:48] Misao
    Oh, come on, quit trying to scare me.
[21:51] Yomogi & Barbra
    Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling
[21:54] Yomogi & Barbra
    Make it come apart
[21:55] Yomogi & Barbra
    Fly away,
[21:56] Yomogi & Barbra
    pigeon coo-coo
[21:57] Yomogi & Barbra
    Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling
[22:00] Yomogi & Barbra
    Tumble hard into face plant,
[22:02] Yomogi & Barbra
    don't fall on your ass
[22:03] Barbra & Takada
    Yeah!
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Adult Meat Chapter

E8 - The Adult Meat Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The Nonfictions
SIGN    The Girls Who Devoted Their Lives to Comedy
[00:01] Narrator
    A group of girls have devoted the
    shining days of their youth to comedy
SIGN    The Nonfictions
[00:06] Narrator
    for the Teppen Grand Prix.
[00:08] Narrator
    They spend their days pushing
    each other to reach for the top.
[00:13] Narrator
    Takahashi Yomogi-san's home
    is a takoyaki restaurant.
[00:17] Narrator
    Times are tough, and the shop is on
    the verge of going out of business.
[00:22] Narrator
    Hoping to pull it back from the brink, she is
    betting everything on the Teppen Grand Prix.
[00:26] Narrator
    When asked what she would do if another
    member held her back, she answered coolly.
[00:33] Yomogi
    If I can't use them, I gotta throw them out.
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show!!!
[00:36] Narrator
    Next weekend, the girls have decided
    to put on a live skit show.
[00:40] Narrator
    It will be a kind of prelude
    to the Grand Prix.
[00:43] Narrator
    They're stepping up their rehearsals.
[00:46] Narrator
    One member, Sakamoto Yayoi-san,
    is shaking with stress.
[00:50] Narrator
    But who could blame her?
[00:52] Narrator
    For girls with so little stage experience,
    this is a once-in-a-lifetime event.
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show
[00:59] Narrator
    On the day of the show,
    backstage became a battleground.
[01:04] Narrator
    The problems were endless,
    one after the next.
[01:08] Narrator
    Their first live skit show was a disaster.
[01:12] Narration
    When it was over, we asked
    the girls this question:
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show
SIGN    Do you like comedy?
SIGN    D
    O
     
    Y
    O
    U
     
    L
    I
    K
    E
     
    C
    O
    M
    E
    D
    Y
    ?
[01:18] Mako
    Of course I like it.
[01:19] Misao
    Yeah, I like it, too.
[01:21] Kana
    Definitely!
[01:22] Mone
    You could even say I love it.
[01:25] Chihori
    Even if I have to sacrifice
    something else for it.
[01:27] Yayoi
    Yeah! I love it!
[01:29] Narrator
    Their youth has only just begun.
[01:41] Yuzu
    What was that?
[01:44] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[01:44] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[01:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[01:46] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[01:47] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[01:48] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[01:49] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[01:49] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[01:51] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[01:51] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[01:53] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[01:53] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[01:54] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[01:54] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[01:56] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[01:57] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[01:57] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[01:57] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[01:59] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[02:00] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[02:02] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[02:02] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[02:03] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[02:04] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[02:04] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[02:06] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[02:07] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[02:08] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[02:09] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[02:10] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[02:10] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[02:10] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[02:11] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[02:11] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[02:12] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[02:14] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[02:15] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[02:15] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[02:15] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[02:16] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[02:16] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[02:18] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[02:18] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[02:20] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[02:21] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[02:22] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[02:23] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[02:23] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[02:25] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[02:25] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[02:27] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[02:27] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[02:29] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[02:30] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[02:32] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[02:32] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[02:34] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[02:36] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[02:37] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[02:40] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[02:43] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[02:46] [SONG] all call
    All that
[02:47] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[02:47] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[02:50] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:50] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:55] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[02:55] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[03:00] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[03:04] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[03:04] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[03:07] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[03:07] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[03:12] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
[03:14] Yuzu
    What was that?
SIGN    The Adult Meat Chapter
[03:20] All
    A documentary program?
[03:22] Seiji
    Yeah. For a week starting tomorrow,
    we'll have a camera following us.
[03:28] Yomogi
    He's already here!
[03:29] Yuzu
    Isn't this all just a little too sudden?
[03:31] Seiji
    The program made an offer to the
    Teppen Grand Prix Committee.
[03:35] Seiji
    I responded and asked them to
    please cover us in detail.
[03:39] Yayoi
    Why?
[03:40] Seiji
    How much do you think it cost to repair
    Takako-so after you reduced it to ruins?
[03:45] Seiji
    You'd better make yourself useful!
[03:47] Yuzu
    There's nothing we can say to that.
[03:50] Misao
    You want to show us as we
    are and won't interfere?
[03:55] Hina
    You aren't going to tell us to do things?
[03:58] Hina
    But isn't that what TV is like?
[04:00] Mako
    Yeah, yeah.
[04:02] Chitose
    So you're saying you want to
    record us acting naturally?
[04:07] Hikari
    Why isn't he talking, though?
[04:12] Seiji
    Yeah, that's it! Give those quads some love!
[04:15] Seiji
    Pump up! Pump up!
[04:17] Seiji
    Come on, get with it! Did you
    forget we're being filmed?
[04:21] Chihori
    But he told us to act normally.
[04:23] Mako
    I'd like to take all this more seriously,
     but I guess we gotta act normal.
[04:29] Seiji
    Well, if that's how you're
    gonna be, then I have my own idea.
[04:32] Seiji
    Eat this!
[04:34] Mako & Chihori
    So spicy!
[04:38] Seiji
    I thought this might happen, so I loaded up
    with super-spicy rounds to punish you.
[04:43] Seiji
    If you screw around,
    I'll stuff you full of them!
[04:46] All
    Eek!
[04:47] All
    Macho! Macho! Macho! Macho!
[04:50] Seiji
    Doesn't it feel great
    to break a fresh sweat?
[04:53] Chitose
    No part of this is great!
[04:56] Yomogi
    I'm so worn out.
[04:58] Yuzu
    Seiji-san got really fired up.
[05:01] Yayoi
    Yeah.
[05:02] Yayoi
    Oh?
[05:06] Yayoi
    Is this for a concert or something?
[05:08] Worker
    What?! But we've already built it!
[05:11] Worker
    Please, you can't be serious!
[05:12] Yuzu
    Did something happen?
[05:15] Worker
    Three days from now, a cable idol group
    was supposed to have a concert here.
SIGN    LAN-neechan
SIGN    USBmi
SIGN    HDMIko
SIGN    The Cables
[05:20] Yomogi
    A cable idol group?
SIGN    LAN-neechan
SIGN    LAN-neechan
SIGN    USBmi
[05:21] Worker
    But they all got caught in relationships.
SIGN    The Cables Hook Up
[05:24] Worker
    They were dating boys from a PC idol group.
[05:27] Yomogi
    Sounds like they were compatible.
[05:29] Worker
    Now the concert's been canceled, after we
    went through the trouble of building a stage.
[05:34] Yuzu
    A-ha! In that case...!
[05:36] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Huh?
[05:38] Yayoi
    Ta-dah!
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show!!!
[05:40] Iroha
    "Takako-so Live Skit Show"?
[05:42] Yayoi
    Yeah! Do you want to invite our neighbors
    and do a live show in three days?
[05:47] Yuzu
    There are so many of us
    aspiring comedians here.
[05:50] Yuzu
    Wouldn't it be fun to
    do a skit all together?
[05:53] Kana
    That's a great idea!
[05:55] Chitose
    A group skit! Yeah.
    It'll be good practice, too!
[05:58] Yayoi
    Let's do it, then! It's settled!
[06:00] Yayoi
    Let's start rehearsing!
[06:02] Misao
    Rehearse when we don't
    even know what we're doing?
[06:05] Misao
    We need a script first.
[06:07] Yuzu
    We already have one.
[06:08] Miyu
    So quick!
[06:09] Yuzu
    I'm always jotting down ideas.
[06:11] Yuzu
    I took one of them and
    fleshed it out a little.
[06:14] Yuzu
    I still haven't decided much
    outside of the main plot, though.
[06:17] Yuina
    It's based on Cinderella.
[06:19] Hikari
    Funny rewrites of fairy tales
    always work great for skits.
[06:23] Yayoi
    How do we pick the roles?
[06:25] Yomogi
    Well, I guess we could let people pick first
    and then draw straws for any that overlap.
[06:29] Yuzu
    Have any of you chosen a role?
[06:31] Miyu
    Me!
[06:31] Miyu
    You know the role I'm gonna play...
[06:34] Miyu
    The role of Komon-sama!
[06:36] Yuzu
    He's not in this.
[06:37] Miyu
    Doesn't matter!
[06:38] Miyu
    Just write a new character into the skit!
[06:41] Miyu
    I'll be Komon-sama. Misao and Hina
    will be Suke-san and Kaku-san.
[06:44] Miyu
    And Kana'll be our Pinwheel Yahachi.
[06:46] Kana
    Me too?
[06:47] Miyu
    Don't try to hide it!
[06:48] Miyu
    I know you secretly want to
    join Akudare to be Yahachi.
[06:51] Miyu
    The pinwheel you're always
    wearing is the proof!
[06:54] Kana
    I-I never even realized!
[06:57] Kana
    I had the blood of Akudare... of Ibaraki
     running through my veins!
[07:02] Kana
    Could it be I'm a member of a warrior race
    sent from Ibaraki to destroy all of Kansai?
[07:08] Hina
    Not everybody from Ibaraki
     is part of a warrior race.
[07:10] Hina
    That's just Misao.
[07:12] Misao
    I ain't one, either!
[07:13] Yayoi
    Does anyone else have a
    role they want to play?
[07:16] Mone
    I guess I'll be part of the space police.
[07:18] Yuzu
    That's not in this!
[07:19] Mako
    I want to be an IT company president!
[07:20] Yuzu
    You can't!
[07:21] Saeka
    There's no IT company to have
     a president in Cinderella.
[07:23] Saeka
    You could at least be the day trader
    living in the chateau's attic.
[07:27] Yuzu
    Weirdos aren't allowed to live there!
[07:32] Yuzu
    Here are the roles, then.
SIGN    ○ Cinderella
SIGN    Yayoi
SIGN    ○ Prince
SIGN    Yomogi
SIGN    ○ Fairy Godmother
SIGN    Yuzu
SIGN    ○ Stepmother
SIGN    Saeka
SIGN    ○ Fairy Godmother's Helpers
SIGN    Mako, Miyu, Mone
[07:34] Chitose
    Hold it!
[07:35] Yuzu
    What's wrong?
[07:36] Chitose
    What the heck is this "trashy
    Kansai folks" stuff?!
SIGN    ○ Other Extra
SIGN    ○ Other Etcetera
SIGN    ○ Trashy Kansai Folks at the Ball
SIGN    Kana, Chitose, Iroha
SIGN    ○ Other
[07:39] Yayoi
    Ooh! You're really getting
    into the role, Chitose-chan!
[07:42] Chitose
    I ain't acting yet!
[07:43] Mako
    The fairy godmother's helpers, huh?
[07:45] Miyu
    I'd rather be Komon-sama,
    but I guess this is okay.
[07:48] Yuzu
    First, the scene where you bully
    Cinderella to the breaking point.
[07:51] Saeka
    I'm not sure that I'll be able
    to say such mean things.
SIGN    Wicked Stepmother Role
[07:54] Mako
    Go for it, Saeka!
[07:56] Yuzu
    Okay, start!
[07:57] Yayoi
    Stepmother...
[07:59] Yayoi
    Eek!
[07:59] Saeka
    You deserve no more than a maggot's
    scraps stewed in sewage.
[08:04] Saeka
    I'll tear your revolting body apart, piece
    by piece, and feed you to the rats!
[08:09] Yayoi
    Eek!
[08:12] Saeka
    What did you think?
[08:16] Yuzu
    I-It was really good, but you sounded
    more murderous than wicked.
[08:22] Yuzu
    Do you think you can lighten it up a little?
[08:24] Saeka
    I'm sorry! This is so out
    of character for me.
[08:27] Saeka
    Please let me try again.
[08:29] Yuzu
    Okay, start!
[08:30] Yayoi
    S-Stepmother...
[08:34] Saeka
    Don't you dare push your luck
    with me, you little .
[08:36] Saeka
    You made a mistake leaving
    the ******** you came from.
[08:39] Saeka*
    You'll wish you'd swam up a -filled
    * and crawled back up some 's .
[08:47] Saeka
    Was that better?
[08:51] Hikari
    Saeka's hobby is watching movies.
[08:54] Chitose*
    She must be into some real dark stuff.
SIGN    Fairy Godmother's Helper A
[08:56] Mako
    Cinderella's outfit has got
    to have a tea leaf pattern.
[09:00] Miyu
    You can't decide that yourself!
     It's gotta be a clam design!
SIGN    Fairy Godmother's Helper B
[09:03] Mone
    No! Tentacles, like from a Martian!
SIGN    Fairy Godmother's Helper C
[09:06] Miyu
    Clam design! Clam design!
[09:06] Mako
    Tea leaves would be way cuter!
[09:06] Mone
    A space design is the best!
[09:09] Yuzu
    This is the scene where they fight over
    how to dress Cinderella for the ball...
[09:14] Yomogi
    But it needs more impact.
[09:16] Misao
    Fine, then.
[09:17] Misao
    I'll coach the actors!
[09:20] Mako
    I'll be the one to decide
    Cinderella's outfit!
[09:25] Miyu
    No, I will!
[09:29] Mone
    Is that so? I'll settle this.
[09:36] Yomogi
    They're getting pretty physical
    for a fairy's helpers.
[09:39] Yuzu
    It does have more impact...
[09:41] Yuzu
    But this isn't the right kind.
[09:46] Yomogi
    Our manager usually takes care of meals
    for us, but sometimes I help out, too.
[09:52] Yomogi
    Oh, this? I'm cutting off
    the parts you can't eat.
[09:56] Yomogi
    If I can't use them, I gotta throw them out.
[09:59] Yayoi
    It looks great!
[10:00] Yayoi
    Did you clean the fish
    yourself, Yomogi? Thanks!
[10:03] Kana
    Yo! Way to commit piscicide!
[10:05] Yomogi
    Don't say it like that!
[10:06] Iroha
    Fish is full of DHA. I want to eat it
    more because it lowers LDL cholesterol.
[10:12] Chitose
    Could you hold off on the fitness
    talk while we're eating?
[10:16] Chitose
    I feel like I'm being sprinkled with guilt.
[10:18] Miyu
    Yeah, like when you're eating yakisoba
    and you see someone in dreads,
[10:21] Miyu
    and you want to sprinkle
    dried seaweed on them?
[10:23] Chitose
    That's different.
[10:24] Saeka
    Yes, that's true. I also
    love fish. And meat? Well...
[10:29] Mako
    Of course I like it!
[10:31] Misao
    Yeah, I like it, too.
[10:32] Kana
    Definitely!
[10:34] Mone
    You could even say I love it.
[10:36] Chihori
    I love eating it. Even if I have to
    sacrifice something else for it.
[10:39] Yuina
    You sound a little too ready to.
[10:42] Seiji
    All right, all right.
    Stop talking and eat up.
[10:46] Seiji
    We get started on the show early tomorrow!
[10:48] All
    Okay!
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show!!!
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show!!!
[11:17] Miyu
    What?!
[11:19] Miyu
    The costumes aren't here yet?!
[11:21] Misao
    There was a traffic jam,
    and the truck is late.
[11:25] Yuzu
    It made it! The truck just arrived.
[11:27] Miyu
    All right!
[11:28] Chitose
    It barely made it!
[11:30] Hikari
    These are the costumes for Cinderella?
[11:32] Yuzu
    It looks like they messed up and sent us
    a superhero stage show's costumes instead.
[11:36] Yomogi
    How could they mix those up?!
[11:37] Mone
    We can't do Cinderella in these.
[11:41] Yayoi
    Let's do it!
[11:43] Yuzu
    Yayoi?
[11:44] Yayoi
    Let's do Cinderella in these costumes!
[11:46] Yayoi
    I know we can pull it off!
[11:48] Misao
    Only 10 minutes until curtain,
    with a full house.
[11:51] Yayoi
    Let's give it a shot! If we cancel,
    the guests will all be disappointed.
[11:55] Yuina
    But these costumes are totally wrong!
[11:58] Yayoi
    So let's turn that into a joke!
[12:00] Yomogi
    Yeah. Let's take advantage of this
    accident to make the audience laugh!
[12:04] Yomogi
    I know we're up to it!
[12:06] Yomogi
    Right, Yuzu?
[12:07] Yuzu
    All right. I'll adjust the script.
[12:10] Chitose
    Right now? But that's impossible!
[12:12] Yuzu
    I'll do it because it's impossible.
[12:14] Yuzu
    A trapped flower always blossoms.
[12:16] Yuzu
    That's what comedy is!
[12:20] Kana
    Yeah, you're right. Let's do it!
[12:21] Saeka
    That is true.
[12:23] Miyu
    Let's do this!
[12:24] Chitose
    We've gotta try!
[12:25] Mako
    Let's do it!
[12:25] Iroha
    Let's do it!
[12:28] Yayoi
    All right then, all together!
[12:30] Yayoi
    Let's give it a shot!
[12:31] All
    Yeah!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show
[12:37] Hina
    Thank you for waiting. We will now
    begin the Takako-so Live Skit Show.
[12:43] Hina
    Please enjoy it to the end.
[12:45] Hina
    A long, long time ago, there was a
    pure-hearted girl named Cinderella.
[12:50] Yayoi
    Phew. Another day of cleaning.
[12:54] Hina
    Cinderella was a spider monster.
[12:56] Yayoi
    How'd these spider webs get here?
[12:58] Yayoi
    Who did it?
[12:59] Yayoi
    Oh. Me! Ha ha ha!
[13:02] Hina
    Cinderella had three mean older sisters.
[13:06] Hina
    The oldest was a
    praying mantis monster.
[13:08] Saeka
    Oh my, Cinderella. Haven't you
     finished cleaning yet?
[13:12] Hina
    The second was a turtle monster.
[13:14] Hikari
    You sure are slow, huh?
[13:19] Hina
    And the third was a lady from Kansai.
[13:21] Chitose
    Yer pissin' me off!
[13:23] Yayoi
    I am sorry, my sisters.
[13:25] Yayoi
    The chateau is filled with spider webs,
    and it is taking a long time to clean.
[13:31] Saeka
    I don't want to hear your excuses.
[13:32] Chitose
    Yer pissin' me off!
[13:34] Hikari
    You're almost as slow as a turtle.
[13:37] Chitose
    Yer pissin' me off!
[13:40] Kana
    I'm done!
SIGN    Happily Ever After
[13:41] Kana
    You think this'll work?
[13:44] Yuzu
    Yeah. Now we put it in the confetti
    ball and break it open at the end.
[13:47] Yuina
    Isn't that a little forced, though?
[13:49] Kana
    Oh, I'm sure it'll work out.
[13:51] Miyu
    What the heck?!
[13:53] Miyu
    Where did our parts go?
[13:56] Mako
    Where are the godmother's helpers?
[13:57] Yuzu
    I'm so sorry. With all the script
    adjustments, there just wasn't time...
[14:01] Mone
    Don't take away my role! I wanna act, too!
[14:03] Miyu & Mako
    Me too! Me too!
[14:05] Hina
    The three mean sisters
    left Cinderella behind,
[14:07] Yuzu
    Oh, no! I'm up!
[14:08] Hina
    and went to the ball at the castle.
[14:08] Yuzu
    I'm really sorry!
[14:10] All three
    Hey!
[14:11] All three
    Hmph!
[14:14] Mako
    If that's how it is...
[14:16] Hina
    Cinderella was left all alone.
[14:19] Hina
    Even though she wanted to
    dance with the prince, too.
[14:24] Yayoi
    Who are you?
[14:26] Yuzu
    My name is Professor Yuzu.
[14:28] Yuzu
    Spider Monster, do you want power?
[14:31] Yayoi
    No, I want to go to the ball!
[14:34] Yuzu
    Then I shall give you power. There!
[14:36] Yayoi
    Oh, gee!
[14:38] Yuina
    Nope, the music isn't playing.
    I wonder if the speakers are broken.
[14:43] Misao
    It's gonna be real dull without music.
[14:45] Iroha
    If we at least had something
    for the climax...
[14:47] Misao
    Okay, then. We'll go looking.
[14:49] Iroha
    We just need some kind
     of instruments, right?
[14:53] Yuina
    Huh? Hey, wait!
[14:55] Yuina
    This really isn't gonna work!
[14:58] Hina
    And then, right as the ball was beginning...
[15:02] Yomogi
    I am the prince. I have a feeling I will
    have a fateful encounter at tonight's ball.
[15:08] Saeka
    Oh, you're so handsome, Prince Red.
[15:11] Saeka
    I wonder if you might dance with me.
[15:13] Chitose
    Yer pissin' me off!
[15:16] Saeka
    Could that possibly be...
[15:18] Saeka; Chitose
    Cinderella!
[15:18] Hikari
    Cinderella...
[15:20] Yomogi
    How beautiful!
[15:22] Yayoi
    Oh, Prince!
[15:23] Yomogi
    I am Prince Red. May I ask
    you to dance with me?
[15:28] Yayoi
    Yes, with pleasure!
[15:35] Yuzu
    Mm-hmm. Good scene.
    If we can keep this up...
[15:38] Chihori
    Hey, do we have glass slippers?
[15:40] Yuzu & Yuina
    Oh!
[15:41] Yuzu
    Wh-Wh-What do we do?
[15:46] Yayoi
    I have to go.
[15:48] Yomogi
    Wait! At least tell me your name.
[15:52] Yayoi
    I'm sorry!
[15:57] Yomogi
    This must give me a hint as to who she is.
[16:00] Yuzu
    That's what you went with?
[16:01] Yuzu
    I've never heard of a Cinderella who
    leaves a spider leg at the ball!
[16:05] Yuina
    But it's all I had!
[16:07] Chihori
    I've never heard of a spider
    monster Cinderella to begin with.
[16:12] Mako
    We have taken over the ball!
[16:15] Miyu
    Be smart, and follow our orders!
[16:17] Mone
    Or we'll shoot you with laser beams!
[16:19] Yuzu
    What are they doing?!
[16:20] Yomogi
    Who do you think you are?! I mean,
    there's no scene like this in the script!
[16:24] Mako
    Shut up!
[16:26] Mako
    We don't care about the script.
[16:27] Mako
    We wanted parts, too!
[16:29] Mone
    Yeah! Yeah!
[16:31] Miyu
    From here on, it's an evil fairy tale!
[16:33] Miyu
    We're the rulers of this land now!
[16:36] Yuzu
    This is a total mess!
[16:37] Yuina
    Wh-What should we do?
[16:41] Iroha
    That sound...
[16:43] Misao
    Oh!
[16:49] Mako
    Prince, here I come!
[16:54] Yomogi
    K-Kansai lady!
[16:57] Chitose
    Don't lay a hand on my sister's man!
     Yer pissin' me off!
[17:03] Chitose
    Croak...
[17:04] All four
    Oh!
[17:05] Hikari
    Wide open!
[17:10] Saeka
    If you lay a hand on my little sister's
    boyfriend, this praying mantis monster...
[17:14] Hikari
    ...and this turtle monster...
[17:15] Saeka & Hikari
    ...will never forgive you!
[17:15] Saeka & Hikari
    ...will never forgive you!
[17:17] Mako
    What is this?
[17:18] Saeka
    It's for ignoring the script
    and starting trouble!
[17:20] Mako
    With a joint loc—
[17:22] Mako
    Ow! I give up!
[17:23] Yayoi
    Oh? What's going to happen next?
[17:25] Hikari
    We've got to bring it back somehow,
    so the story doesn't fall apart!
[17:29] Saeka
    We have to bring it to a happy ending.
[17:31] Hikari & Saeka
    But we don't have a plan!
[17:33] Mako
    Ouch! Ouch!
[17:35] Yuzu
    I bet everyone on stage is improvising.
[17:37] Yuzu
    What should we do?
[17:38] Yuina
    I love these wild plot twists so much.
[17:40] Yuzu
    Yuina-chan?
[17:42] Yuina
    I gotta... I gotta...
[17:44] Yuina
    I'm on fire, y'all!
[17:46] Yuzu; Yayoi; Chihori
    Huh?!
[17:48] Yuina
    Cosmos Power!
[17:54] Yuina
    Don't you see what's happening?
[17:56] Yuina
    Your sisters are fighting for your sake!
[18:00] Yuina
    Are you too scared to come out?
[18:01] Yuina
    Are you scared the prince
    will find out who you are?
[18:04] Yuina
    None of that matters one bit!
[18:06] Yuina
    You are who you are!
[18:08] Saeka
    I've never seen this side of her.
[18:09] Mone
    Yuina gets like this sometimes.
[18:12] Mako
    She does, huh?
[18:15] Yomogi
    Yayo—I mean, it's you!
[18:18] Yomogi
    Thank you, my sisters. I...
[18:21] Yomogi
    I'm glad I was born as a monster!
[18:25] Yayoi
    Take this! Cinderella Spider Cannon!
[18:31] Yuina
    Here, use this.
[18:35] Yomogi
    A perfect fit! It's you, from the ball!
[18:39] Yayoi
    I'm Cinderella. As you can see,
     I'm a spider monster.
[18:43] Yomogi
    That doesn't matter! Marry me now!
[18:47] Yayoi
    Even... as a spider monster?
[18:51] Yomogi
    Even... as a spider monster.
[18:58] Yayoi
    Prince Red!
[19:00] Yomogi
    Spider Monster!
[19:08] Hina
    And the two lovers lived happily ever after.
[19:18] Hina
    And the two lovers lived happily ever after...
[19:24] Kana
    Huh?
[19:29] Yayoi
    Huh?
[19:31] Chihori
    The confetti ball...
[19:32] Yuzu
    It isn't opening!
[19:39] Kana
    In that case...
[19:44] Kana
    Jump!
[19:46] Kana
    Ooh... Whoa!
[19:55] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Aah!
[20:07] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Ouch!
SIGN    Happily Ever After
SIGN    Unedited Footage
[20:24] Mako
    The video they gave us is totally
    different from what they aired!
[20:27] Chitose
    The edits are so misleading, too!
[20:30] Yomogi
    Why'd they say my shop was
    going out of business?
[20:32] Misao
    He said he wanted to film us as we are,
    but never said they wouldn't edit it.
[20:37] Miyu
    It ain't right!
[20:38] Mone
    This isn't the real us at all.
     We should complain!
[20:41] Yuina
    Yeah, let's!
[20:43] Seiji
    Oh, my. Was the program not to your liking?
[20:46] Seiji
    A while ago, before it aired,
[20:48] Seiji
    the Teppen Grand Prix Committee called
    and told me they were shown the video.
[20:53] Seiji
    The edited version, of course.
[20:56] Seiji
    They said it was very moving.
[20:58] Seiji
    The story of girls struggling and fighting
    for comedy with all their strength
[21:02] Seiji
    really touched their hearts, they said.
[21:04] Chitose
    They were moved by this? 
    That doesn't make me happy at all.
[21:07] Seiji
    Oh, really?
[21:08] Seiji
    Even though they sent you a nice reward?
[21:11] Mako
    We don't want a reward for that!
     Send it straight back!
[21:14] Seiji
    Oh my.
[21:15] Seiji
    But you've already eaten it all.
[21:17] Yuzu
    What do you mean?
[21:19] Seiji
    That high-quality sukiyaki
    meat was your reward.
[21:22] All three
    Huh?!
[21:26] Mako
    The meat... was delicious.
[21:29] Chitose
    I guess that's what being
     an adult tastes like.
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show
SIGN    Takako-so Live Skit Show
[21:43] (Flashback) Yomogi
    Oh! You all came?
[21:45] (Flashback) Yuzu
    What did you think?
[21:47] (Flashback) Miki
    It was really funny!
[21:47] (Flashback) Rine
    It was funny!
[21:48] (Flashback) Yuzu
    Thank you.
[21:50] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Yoshihiro, it's been a while!
[21:52] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Thanks for coming. Did you like it?
[21:54] (Flashback) Yoshihiro
    It looked like you three
    were really having fun.
[21:56] (Flashback) Yoshihiro
    You really do like comedy, don't you?
[21:59] (Flashback) Yayoi
    Yeah! I love it!
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Adamski Chapter

E9 - The Adamski Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] All three
    Hello!
[00:03] Chihori
    We've come a long way to Earth.
[00:05] Mone
    We are...
[00:07] All three
    ...the Invaders!
[00:09] Yuina
    My name is Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina.
[00:11] Yuina
    Planet Earth is being targeted.
[00:13] Mone
    I won't let that happen!
[00:14] Mone
    As protector of the Earth,
[00:16] Mone
    I will take my crab extract-filled beam saber
     and smash your evil ambitions to bits!
[00:20] Chihori
    Actually, Venusians find
    crustaceans revolting.
[00:23] Yuina
    I only came to warn you, but figured
    I might as well invade while I'm at it.
[00:28] Chihori
    Now you're going to invade?
[00:30] Chihori
    I would have expected that from a Plutonian!
[00:33] Hikari
    Hey, what do you think?
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Takoyaki
[00:35] Hikari
    Personally, I don't agree,
    but you know Saeka and Mako.
[00:40] Hikari
    It's not like I can just
    pull one out of a hat.
SIGN    Today
SIGN    Mother
SIGN    I have arrived.
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Takoyaki
[00:43] Chihori
    Sorry! Gotta go!
[00:44] Hikari
    Huh? Chihori-chan?
[00:58] Mother
    It's nice to see you, Chihori.
[01:03] Chihori
    Mother!
[01:05] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[01:05] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[01:06] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[01:06] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[01:08] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[01:09] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[01:10] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[01:10] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[01:12] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[01:12] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[01:14] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[01:14] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[01:15] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[01:15] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[01:17] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[01:18] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[01:18] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[01:18] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[01:20] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[01:21] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[01:22] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[01:23] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[01:24] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[01:25] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[01:25] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:27] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:28] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:29] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:30] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:31] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:31] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:31] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:32] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:32] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:33] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:35] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:35] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:36] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:36] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:37] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:37] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:39] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:39] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:41] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:41] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:43] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:44] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:44] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:46] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:46] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:48] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:48] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:50] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:51] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:53] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:53] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:55] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:57] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:58] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[02:01] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[02:04] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[02:07] [SONG] all call
    All that
[02:08] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[02:08] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[02:11] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:11] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:16] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[02:16] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[02:21] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[02:25] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[02:25] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye
ah!
[02:28] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:28] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:33] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Adamski Chapter
[03:00] Chihori
    I left home and came here
    exactly one year ago.
[03:05] Chihori
    Even though we kept finding
    fliers in space debris,
SIGN    Hokkaido Food Fair
SIGN    All-You-Can-Eat Crab
SIGN    Exquisite Wire-Grilled Scallops
[03:08] Chihori
    the Hokkaido Food Fair never made it
    to where I live for some reason.
[03:12] Chihori
    In order to taste the authentic ingredients,
[03:15] Chihori
    I realized,
[03:16] Chihori
    I'll just have to go there myself!
SIGN    Hokkaidiner
SIGN    Open
SIGN    Hokkaidiner
[03:25] TV Comedian
    Wow!
[03:26] TV Comedian
    Doin' or don't?
[03:28] TV Comedian
    Ya doin' doin'?
[03:30] TV Comedian
    Ya don't don't don't?
[03:31] (Flashback) Waiter
    Here you go.
[03:32] TV Comedian
    Doin' doin' doin' doin'!
[03:33] (Flashback) Chihori
    Wow!
[03:35] Chihori
    Finally, the blue planet's treasure chest!
[03:36] TV Comedian
    Ya don't?
[03:39] (Flashback) Chihori
    Wow! It has legs just like my pet on Mars!
[03:42] Chihori
    Hokkaido's cuisine was all delicious.
[03:45] (Flashback) Chihori
    Wow! The fruit's flesh is the
    color of a Venusian lake!
[03:49] Chihori
    It was delicious.
[03:51] (Flashback) Chihori
    Wow! It looks like the
    insects in Jupiter space!
[03:54] Chihori
    This is too good!
[03:55] Chihori
    It was so delicious!
[03:57] (Flashback) Teacher
    Hokuto Chihori?
[03:59] (Flashback) Chihori
    Present!
[04:00] Chihori
    Before I knew it, I'd started living here.
[04:01] Teacher
    You don't have to stand up.
[04:03] (Flashback) Chihori
    Present!
SIGN    Hokkaido Gourmet Festival
SIGN    Exquisite!   Hokkaido Gourmet Festival
SIGN    Special Seafood Bowl
     A jewel box filled with
     the fruits of the sea
[04:05] (Flashback) Mone
    Sniff, sniff, sniff...
[04:08] (Flashback) Mone
    Sniff, sniff, sniff...
[04:10] (Flashback) Mone
    I smell outer space.
[04:11] (Flashback) Chihori
    Huh?
[04:12] (Flashback) Mone
    You know, you really smell
    like outer space, Hokuto-san.
[04:16] Chihori
    Oh, no! Is my cover blown?
[04:19] Chihori
    If the truth gets out, it'll be a disaster!
[04:23] Chihori
    I might be captured and dissected!
[04:25] Chihori
    But I can't shoot an innocent...
[04:28] (Flashback) Yuina
    Mone, leave her alone.
    You're making her nervous.
[04:31] (Flashback) Yuina
    I'm sorry, Hokuto-san.
[04:33] (Flashback) Mone
    Huh? But I, like, just saw her.
[04:36] (Flashback) Mone
    Hokuto-san was looking at tons
    of space pictures on her phone.
[04:39] Chihori
    I got lonely and started looking at
    pictures of home. Was she spying on me?
[04:43] (Flashback) Mone
    Hey, don't you like space
    stuff too, Hokuto-san?
[04:46] (Flashback) Mone
    Do you like movies more? Or anime?
[04:48] (Flashback) Mone
    I can go either way.
[04:52] (Flashback) Mone
    This is a lighty saber,
    but it's also a beamy saber.
[04:57] (Flashback) Chihori
    U-Um...
[04:58] (Flashback) Mone
    I always wanted to summon a real alien
    to watch space movies and anime with me,
[05:03] (Flashback) Mone
    so we could debate which was
    the best. That's my dream.
[05:06] (Flashback) Mone
    Wouldn't that be fun, Hokuto-san?
[05:09] (Flashback) Yuina
    Don't make assumptions about her, Mone!
[05:11] (Flashback) Yuina
    Maybe she's simply interested in
    the planets. Right, Hokuto-san?
[05:14] (Flashback) Chihori
    Huh?
[05:14] (Flashback) Chihori
    I... I... I like both!
[05:19] (Flashback) Chihori
    Stars, planets... I like
    everything about outer space!
[05:22] (Flashback) Chihori
    See? I'm not suspicious at all!
[05:23] (Flashback) Mone
    Oh, she speaks!
[05:25] (Flashback) Yuina
    Let's talk all about our
    favorite planets, okay?
[05:28] Chihori
    Far, far away from home,
    I made some new friends.
[05:32] (Flashback) Girls
    Here!
[05:34] (Flashback) Girls
    Here!
[05:34] (Flashback) Mone
    A lot of kids are starting bands
    for next month's school festival.
[05:38] (Flashback) Mone
    Some from our class, too.
[05:40] (Flashback) Chihori
    Is that right?
[05:41] (Flashback) Yuina
    That sounds fun.
[05:42] (Flashback) Mone
    Oh? Do you wanna start a band?
[05:44] (Flashback) Yuina
    N-No way. I just, um,
[05:47] (Flashback) Yuina
    think it'd be fun to do something together,
    and then be all like, "Let's do this!"
[05:51] (Flashback) Yuina
    That would be great.
[05:52] (Flashback) Mone
    Oh, totally.
[05:53] (Flashback) Mone
    Have some teenage fun.
[05:55] (Flashback) Mone
    We sure aren't being very teenage.
[05:57] (Flashback) Chihori
    We aren't being teenage?
[05:59] (Flashback) Mone
    Nope. Sorry.
[06:01] (Flashback) Chihori
    Well then, let's do something teenage!
[06:03] (Flashback) Chihori
    Something we can do together!
[06:06] (Flashback) Mone
    Like what?
[06:07] (Flashback) Chihori
    Like something!
[06:08] (Flashback) Mone
    So, like, what?
[06:11] (Flashback) Yuina
    Oh.
[06:13] (Flashback) Yuina
    Comedy!
[06:15] (Flashback) Mone & Chihori
    Huh?
[06:16] (Flashback) Yuina
    Wouldn't it be fun to do comedy together?
[06:19] (Flashback) Yuina
    You both like comedy too, right?
[06:22] (Flashback) Cow
    Moo!
[06:24] (Flashback) Yuina
    Okay, so...
[06:26] (Flashback) Yuina
    I saw a salmon passing by
    and decided to grill it!
[06:29] (Flashback) Mone
    You can't grill up someone's pet salmon!
[06:32] (Flashback) Chihori
    Oh, my poor salmon Taro-chan!
[06:35] (Flashback) All three
    Huh?
[06:39] (Flashback) Mone
    Let's take a break.
[06:43] (Flashback) Chihori
    Comedy sure is hard.
[06:46] (Flashback) Yuina
    What are we doing wrong?
[06:48] (Flashback) Mone
    It's totally obvious.
[06:50] (Flashback) Yuina
    What?
[06:50] (Flashback) Mone
    It's character. Character!
[06:52] (Flashback) Mone
    We're not playing stand-out characters.
[06:54] (Flashback) Chihori
    Character, huh?
[06:56] (Flashback) Chihori
    But I doubt it'll work
    if we force some gimmick.
[06:59] (Flashback) Yuina
    It'd be great if we had something
    that came naturally to us.
[07:03] (Flashback) Mone
    We do have one thing!
[07:05] (Flashback) Yuina
    Huh? What?
[07:06] (Flashback) Mone
    It's obvious. Outer space!
[07:09] (Flashback) Chihori
    Huh?
[07:10] (Flashback) Mone
    You two can play alien invaders
     from outer space,
[07:13] (Flashback) Mone
    and I can play the warrior
    of light protecting Earth.
[07:17] (Flashback) Chihori
    Me... an alien?
[07:22] (Flashback) Yuina
    I am a space alien!
[07:23] (Flashback) Yuina
    I've come to invade this planet!
[07:26] (Flashback) Mone
    You won't get away with it! I'll
    drive you out with my potato bomb!
[07:30] (Flashback) Chihori
    Well, potato eyes are Martians' weak point.
[07:34] (Flashback) Mone
    Huh?
[07:35] (Flashback) Yuina
    There's no line like that in the script.
[07:38] Chihori
    Oh no! I blurted out a
    real outer-space fact!
[07:41] (Flashback) Mone
    Chihori!
[07:43] (Flashback) Mone
    That was good!
[07:45] (Flashback) Yuina
    Totally! A space alien who makes
    weird space-alien comebacks
[07:47] (Flashback) Yuina
    from the perspective of a
    space alien! That's new!
[07:50] (Flashback) Mone
    Keep those coming, okay?
[07:52] (Flashback) Mone
    Let your space flag fly!
[07:53] (Flashback) Yuina
    Give us more of your alien gaze, Chihori!
[07:56] (Flashback) Chihori
    Just leave it to me!
[07:58] Mone
    Take this! Light beam!
[07:58] Chihori
    That's how I developed a character that
    would keep my home planet a secret,
[07:59] Chihori
    No, no, that's a laser.
[08:01] Yuina
    That's right! All the way to Iskandaryu
    at the edge of the cosmos!
[08:02] Chihori
    but still let me share
    trivia about outer space.
[08:04] Chihori
    It put me in the perfect position.
[08:04] Chihori
    That's, um, 148,000 light years from here.
[08:08] Mone & Yuina
    No way!
[08:09] Chihori
    The routine we later performed at
    the school festival was a big hit.
[08:14] Chihori
    We gained enough confidence to
    enter the Teppen Grand Prix,
[08:17] Chihori
    and then a lot of other
    things happened, so here we are.
[08:21] Mother
    Answer me one thing first. Why did
    you leave home without permission?
[08:25] Chihori
    M-Mother, that's...
[08:28] Mother
    Why did you settle down way out here
    in the sticks? Answer me, Chihori!
[08:32] Chihori
    It's because...
[08:33] Chihori
    If I tell her I came all the way
    here just to eat Hokkaido cuisine,
[08:36] Chihori
    it's guaranteed she'll get mad.
[08:38] Chihori
    I'll have to bluff my way through
    with a convincing excuse.
[08:40] Chihori
    I am on a mission, Mother!
[08:43] Chihori
    It's a very secret, very important mission!
[08:46] Mother
    Hmph. Either way, that isn't a good enough
    reason to up and run away from home.
[08:50] Mother
    Don't you understand? You're in line
    to take over the family business!
[08:55] Chihori
    I know that, but...
[08:57] Mother
    Return home right now!
[08:59] Chihori
    But...
[09:00] Mother
    This is an order. Go home!
[09:03] Chihori
    I don't want to! I am not going home!
     I absolutely will not go!
[09:08] Mother
    I've never liked this place, you know.
[09:11] Mother
    The environment is polluted, and there
    are far too many life forms.
[09:15] Mother
    I don't think this is the
    right place for you at all.
[09:18] Chihori
    Then you are wrong!
[09:20] Mother
    The one and only thing
    I appreciate about this place is...
SIGN    A Dog of... Hula Dance?
[09:22] Mother
    Its storytelling!
[09:24] Mother
    In the climax, the dog uses the last of his
    strength to successfully do the hula dance.
[09:30] Mother
    He and his master, the boy,
    then ascend to heaven.
[09:35] Mother
    It's such a moving scene!
[09:37] Mother
    I cry every time!
[09:38] Chihori
    Please don't cry, Mother!
[09:40] Chihori
    That's right! Mother has a
    weakness for tearjerkers.
[09:43] Chihori
    In that case...
[09:44] Chihori
    Mother!
[09:46] Chihori
    The humans here very deeply
    value compassion and justice.
[09:50] Chihori
    Their everyday lives are
    overflowing with stories
[09:53] Chihori
    so touching, they almost feel like fiction!
[09:55] Chihori
    I believe
[09:56] Chihori
    that interacting with humans, who live
    a powerfully moving day-to-day existence,
[10:02] Chihori
    is my mission in life!
[10:04] Chihori
    And that is why I absolutely
    cannot return home yet!
[10:12] Mother
    Like what?
[10:14] Chihori
    Huh?
[10:14] Mother
    You said they're overflowing with
    touching stories, didn't you?
[10:18] Mother
    In that case, I want you to tell
    me exactly what those stories are.
[10:22] Chihori
    Well, that's...
[10:23] Mother
    You won't tell me?
[10:24] Chihori
    If I don't make it through this,
    I really will get sent back home.
[10:28] Chihori
    I'll never be able to come back here.
[10:31] Chihori
    And I'll never see...
[10:36] Chihori
    I will! I'll tell you!
[10:39] Mother
    Oh! The upside-down glasses
    of determination!
[10:41] Chihori
    I'll tell you countless touching
    stories about the humans I'm with!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[10:51] Chihori
    This is a story about my friend Yuina.
[10:54] Chihori
    An ill young girl lived next door to her.
[10:59] Chihori
    Her illness got worse by the day,
    and eventually she needed surgery.
[11:04] Chihori
    But the girl was afraid
     of undergoing surgery.
[11:09] Mother
    Oh?
[11:10] Chihori
    So Yuina decided to make
    a deal with the girl.
[11:15] Chihori
    "If I hit a home run in tomorrow's baseball
    game, will you agree to the surgery?"
[11:20] Chihori
    The girl nodded, and the two
    made a pinkie promise.
[11:26] Mother
    And then? What happened next?
[11:28] Chihori
    The day of the game,
SIGN    Star
SIGN    Hatakeyama University
    Wada Paints
    
    Hojo Restaurant
SIGN    9th Bottom
SIGN    Strikeouts: 1
SIGN    Yamaguchi
SIGN    Starting
SIGN    ERA
SIGN    Strikeouts
SIGN    Yuina
SIGN    Batting
SIGN    Avg.
SIGN    Hits
SIGN    RBI
SIGN    Home Run
[11:37] Yuina & Girl
    Yes!
[11:38] Chihori
    As promised, Yuina hit a home run, and the
    girl underwent a successful surgery.
[11:44] Yuina
    If she saw me trying my best,
    it might give her some courage, too.
[11:48] Yuina
    That's what I thought.
[11:49] Yuina
    It's not really my thing, so I wasn't sure
    I could do it, but I pulled it off.
[11:55] Yuina
    My bond of friendship with her gave
    me the strength to do it! I'm sure!
[12:02] Chihori
    Mother!
[12:03] Mother
    What a nice story!
[12:04] Mother
    It's such a perfectly corny trope, there's no
     room for complaint! Such a nice story!
[12:08] Chihori
    I know, right?
[12:10] Mother
    However, that alone isn't
    a good enough reason
[12:12] Mother
    to deepen your relationship
    with these humans.
[12:14] Chihori
    Of course, there are others!
[12:16] Mother
    What?
[12:17] Chihori
    This is a story about another friend, Mone.
[12:22] Chihori
    One day, Mone found a lost
    pet by the riverside.
[12:25] Chihori
    She thought that it must
    have been abandoned,
[12:27] Chihori
    so she decided to take the little
    guy home and raise him herself.
[12:32] Chihori
    Day after day, Mone did everything she could
    to take care of him and help him grow.
[12:37] Chihori
    But several weeks later, Mone ran
    into the pet's original owner.
[12:44] Chihori
    She said to Mone, "Please return my pet."
[12:48] Mother
    H-How selfish!
[12:50] Chihori
    The original owner was a little girl.
[12:53] Chihori
    She had taken good care of her pet,
    but her mother accidentally threw it out.
[12:57] Chihori
    When Mone heard that, she decided to return
    the precious little guy to its real owner.
[13:04] Mone
    Here.
[13:11] Girl
    Bye-bye!
[13:15] Mone
    Of course I didn't want to
    let him go, but you know,
[13:18] Mone
    when I saw how sad the girl was,
     I couldn't keep him.
[13:22] Mone
    But it's fine.
[13:24] Mone
    After raising the little guy,
[13:26] Mone
    I still feel a bond connecting us.
[13:31] Mother
    What a lovely story! It's so predictable,
    it hits me right in the heart.
[13:35] Mother
    Is this what your humans are like?
[13:37] Chihori
    I have plenty more!
[13:38] Mother
    Are you serious?
[13:39] Chihori
    Kana-chan went to the supermarket
    and waited for the employees
[13:43] Chihori
    to put end-of-day discount stickers
    on the things she wanted.
[13:45] Kana
    I waited for, like, three hours,
    but they just wouldn't mark them down.
[13:50] Kana
    So I decided to try something else.
[13:53] Kana
    I tracked down the lady who does the
    stickers and started stalking her.
[13:57] Kana
    Eventually the lady said, "Okay,
    I give up," and put the stickers on.
[14:02] Kana
    That's when I knew the lady
    and I had a special bond.
[14:07] Chihori
    There's more!
[14:08] Hina
    I didn't want to get my hopes up,
     since it was Ibaraki,
[14:11] Hina
    but then I found that trending soap
    opera on a local Ibaraki channel.
[14:16] Hina
    There must have been a bond connecting us.
[14:19] Chihori
    Even more!
[14:20] Yomogi
    I forgot to add the octopus,
    but they all sold anyway!
[14:23] Yomogi
    Thanks to the bonds of friendship.
[14:24] Saeka
    We had a financial bond.
[14:26] Yuzu
    It was like we had a kind of bond.
[14:28] Miyu
    A sticky, stringy bond.
[14:30] Chitose
    Literally bonded.
[14:31] Yayoi
    After that, we had a special bond.
[14:33] Mother
    Oh my god, that's enough!
[14:36] Mother
    This is so emotionally draining,
    I'm going to dehydrate!
[14:38] Chihori
    Do you see now?
[14:40] Chihori
    This is the special kind of
    radiance that humans have.
[14:44] Mother
    At first I foolishly thought you were
     just throwing the word "bond" in there
[14:47] Mother
    to make meaningless stories
     seem meaningful!
[14:50] Mother
    Hmm... It's a bad habit of mine.
[14:53] Mother
    It seems I underestimated
    the potential of these humans.
[14:57] Mother
    I must admit that there would be value in
    deepening our relationship with them.
[15:01] Chihori
    Then...!
[15:02] Mother
    However, whether or not they 
    accept you is a different issue.
[15:06] Chihori
    Huh?
[15:07] Mother
    You haven't told them, have you?
     That you're an outsider.
[15:11] Chihori
    Tell them that?!
[15:13] Mother
    I've witnessed so much discrimination
    based on birth place or skin color.
[15:18] Mother
    At times, it has even led to bloodshed.
[15:22] Mother
    There is still a very thick wall between
    you and the humans of this land.
SIGN    Wall
[15:27] Mother
    You'll never be able to overco—
[15:29] Chihori
    You can't say that!
[15:30] Chihori
    I've never felt a wall between us!
[15:32] Chihori
    Seafood bowls, crabs,
    and melons are all delicious!
[15:35] Chihori
    They're delicious, no matter who eats them!
[15:37] Chihori
    The time I've spent with my friends here
    has been the best time of my life!
[15:43] Chihori
    I believe in them!
[15:44] Chihori
    We're connected by friendship,
    and no wall could ever separate us!
[15:52] Mother
    You're determined. I'll give you that.
[15:56] Chihori
    Fine! I'll tell them. All of them.
[15:58] Chihori
    I'll come out to them as an alien!
[16:05] Chihori
    Ah, I'm so nervous.
[16:07] Chihori
    "Hey, I'm a space alien!"
[16:09] Chihori
    I bet Yuina and Mone would be
    really surprised to hear that.
[16:13] Yuina & Mone
    What?!
[16:15] Chihori
    They'll be so surprised,
    their jaws will drop.
[16:18] Chihori
    But it'll be okay because...
[16:22] Chihori
    We're friends!
[16:23] Yuina
    Oh, Chihori. You're late.
[16:26] Mone
    If you're too slow, we'll start without you.
[16:28] Mone
    But look. It won't light up.
[16:31] Chihori
    Yuina, Mone, I have to tell you something.
[16:34] Yuina
    Why so serious all of a sudden?
[16:36] Chihori
    Everyone, listen up.
[16:38] Hikari
    Listen up, everyone. I have
    an important announcement.
[16:41] Hikari
    I'm actually... from the future!
[16:46] Chihori
    What?!
SIGN    5 Hours Earlier
[16:49] (Flashback) Mako
    Look! Look!
[16:51] (Flashback) Saeka
    Oh? What's this?
[16:52] (Flashback) Mako
    My followers online made
    a promo video about us.
[16:56] (Flashback) Mako
    They took a serious look at our
    profiles and qualifying skits,
SIGN    Special Blog
SIGN    Mako
SIGN    The Out-of-
    Place Influencer
SIGN    Saeka
SIGN    The Enchanting
     Tea Girl, Buying
     Out the World
SIGN    Hikari
SIGN    Japanese
     Candy Princess
[16:58] (Flashback) Mako
    and summarized our different
    characteristics.
[17:01] (Flashback) Hikari
    We look like real entertainers!
[17:02] (Flashback) Mako
    Takako-so has gotten a ton of attention
    since that documentary, too.
[17:06] (Flashback) Mako
    Don't you think it's cool? Saeka's, too.
[17:10] (Flashback) Saeka
    "The Enchanting Tea Girl,
    Buying Out the World"?
[17:13] (Flashback) Hikari
    That sounds like you.
[17:14] (Flashback) Saeka
    It calls you the "Out-of-Place Influencer."
[17:18] (Flashback) Mako
    I g-guess that makes sense.
[17:21] (Flashback) Saeka
    And Hikari, the "Japanese Candy Princess."
SIGN    Hikari
SIGN    Japanese Candy Princess
[17:25] (Flashback) Mako
    Isn't yours a little weak?
[17:27] (Flashback) Saeka
    You're right.
[17:28] (Flashback) Saeka
    Like they ran out of ideas, or only
    spent two seconds thinking about it.
[17:32] (Flashback) Hikari
    Definitely.
[17:33] (Flashback) Mako
    Don't just agree! Do you
     know what this means?
[17:36] (Flashback) Mako
    It means you lack character!
[17:38] (Flashback) Saeka
    Lacking character... That is
     a significant problem.
[17:42] (Flashback) Hikari
    Is it?
[17:43] (Flashback) Mako
    If we don't do something about it,
    you'll become the odd one out.
[17:46] (Flashback) Saeka
    That would be terrible.
[17:48] (Flashback) Hikari
    Would it?
SIGN    Crêpes
SIGN    Chilled Pineapple
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Takoyaki
SIGN    Fancy
[17:49] (Flashback) Hikari
    And so they said I should talk with the other
    "weak characters" and try to find a solution.
[17:55] (Flashback) Hikari
    Hey, what do you think?
[17:57] (Flashback) Hikari
    Personally, I don't agree, but you know...
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Takoyaki
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Takoyaki
[18:00] (Flashback) Chihori
    Sorry! Gotta go!
[18:02] (Flashback) Hikari
    Huh? Chihori-chan?
[18:04] (Flashback) Saeka
    She up and left.
[18:06] (Flashback) Mako
    Now she's the oddest odd one out.
[18:10] (Flashback) Hikari
    But what can I do about my character?
[18:11] (Flashback) Saeka
    There's no other choice.
    You'll have to start studying, Hikari.
[18:15] (Flashback) Mako
    Studying?
[18:16] (Flashback) Saeka
    There's an Akashic Records Research
    Club at my father's company.
[18:21] (Flashback) Saeka
    We can ask them for help.
[18:23] (Flashback) Hikari
    What kind of club is that?
[18:24] (Flashback) Mako
    You mean, ask them to help
    Hikari develop a character?
[18:26] (Flashback) Saeka
    Yes. The Akashic records are supposed to be
[18:29] (Flashback) Saeka
    where all past and future
    events have been documented.
[18:32] (Flashback) Saeka
    With their help, you should
    be able to develop
[18:35] (Flashback) Saeka
    a character as a time traveler.
[18:38] Hikari
    I'm from the future!
SIGN    Akashic Records
[18:39] Hikari
    So I know everything that
    will happen in the future!
[18:43] Girls
    Huh?
[18:44] Yomogi
    The future?
[18:45] Yuzu
    Wow!
[18:46] Chihori
    H-Hey, I'm actually a space alien, you know.
[18:49] Mone
    Save your bit for later.
[18:51] Mone
    A time traveler? Cool!
[18:53] Chihori
    But this isn't a bit...
[18:55] Yuina
    Do you know everything?
[18:56] Chihori
    Um, I'm literally a space alien!
[18:59] Mone
    Yeah, whatever. Later.
[19:02] Miyu
    Time travelers are so cool!
[19:04] Miyu
    So do you know what'll happen to Ibaraki?
[19:06] Hikari
    In 3,000 years, Ibaraki will
    become a sovereign nation.
[19:09] Miyu
    Ooh!
[19:09] Misao
    No way!
[19:10] Yayoi
    Hey, what will okonomiyaki
    be like in the future?
[19:13] Hikari
    It'll have octopus inside.
[19:14] Yomogi
    That doesn't count.
[19:16] Kana
    Oh, does that mean you know who'll
    win the Teppen Grand Prix too?
[19:20] Hikari
    Sorry, civilization was destroyed once,
    and that part of the history was lost.
[19:24] Chitose
    But that's the most important part!
[19:26] Seiji
    All right, who did this?!
[19:28] Seiji
    Who dug this hole in the lawn?
[19:30] Yayoi
    Okay, then do you know what color
    apron the manager is wearing today?
[19:34] Hikari
    Today, it's pink!
[19:36] All
    Let's check!
[19:38] All
    Huh?
[19:40] Yomogi
    Rainbow!
[19:43] Hikari
    I guess this time traveler
    character has its limits.
[19:45] Saeka
    It seems so.
[19:47] Saeka
    The Akashic Records Research Club
    notebook also seems to lack credibility.
SIGN    Akashic Records
SIGN    For Beginners
[19:52] Yayoi
    Huh? So it was all a lie?
[19:54] Hikari
    Sorry, I wanted to add to my character.
[19:57] Kana
    Aw, shucks.
[19:58] Miyu
    Character, huh?
[19:59] Hina
    I knew it'd be something like that.
[20:01] Chihori
    Um, hey!
[20:03] Chihori
    I am actually a space alien!
[20:09] Chihori
    I'm... from space.
[20:11] Mone
    Fine, fine, enough character bits.
[20:13] Mone
    This isn't the time for a silly setup.
[20:15] Chihori
    Oh, why not?! Come on!
[20:24] Mone
    Oh. It lit up.
[20:25] Mother
    Oh! Is that...?
[20:27] Mother
    It must be! The universally recognized...
[20:31] Mother
    Light of Friendship!
[20:34] Chihori
    We shouldn't fight! Let's all be friends.
[20:38] Chihori
    Here, as a sign of trust.
[20:40] Yuina
    I, Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina,
     hereby make a pledge of peace.
[20:43] Mone
    Wide open!
[20:46] Chihori
    Galactic war has begun! But whatever.
[20:49] All three
    Thank you very much!
[20:52] Yomogi
    They're always all over the place.
[20:54] Yayoi
    They don't have a tsukkomi
    to keep them in line.
[20:59] Chihori
    Are you sure it's all right?
[21:01] Mother
    Yes, now that I've seen that light.
[21:04] Chihori
    Oh, okay.
[21:05] Mother
    It's decided now, so do all you can to
    succeed in your efforts on this planet.
[21:09] Chihori
    Yeah. You should visit
    in person sometime, Mother.
[21:13] Chihori
    I really think you'd start
     to like this planet.
[21:16] Mother
    I'll think about it.
[21:17] Chihori
    By the way, what will you
    do with that avatar?
[21:20] Mother
    Don't worry. It will
    automatically self-destruct.
[21:32] Mother
    The avatar is taken care of.
    All ships, return to base.
[21:37] Subordinate
    But... are you sure?
[21:39] Mother
    Yes. We can't annihilate
    my daughter's friends.
[21:44] Subordinate
    Very well. All ships, cease invasion!
[21:53] Chihori
    See you, Mother.
[21:55] Yuina
    Chihori, what are you looking at?
[21:57] Mone
    Huh? Is that...
[21:59] Yuina
    A UFO?
[22:00] Yuina
    No way!
[22:01] Mone
    It can't be.
[22:03] Chihori
    I know, right?
[22:05] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Piñata Chapter

E10 - The Piñata Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Miyu
    Hi, everyone!
[00:04] All three
    We're Akudare Kingdom!
[00:06] Miyu
    Love saves Ibaraki!
[00:08] Misao
    You're still aiming too low!
[00:10] Hina
    She's right. We aren't even sure if
    Ibaraki will still exist next year.
[00:15] Misao
    Of course we are!
[00:17] Misao
    How do you expect an entire
    prefecture to get annihilated?
[00:20] Miyu
    Even if it does get annihilated,
    it'll keep coming back to life.
[00:23] Miyu
    'Cause in Ibaraki,
[00:25] Miyu
    every day is Happy Birthday!
[00:28] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:28] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:29] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:30] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:31] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:32] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:33] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:33] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:35] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:35] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:37] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:37] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:38] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:38] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:40] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:41] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:41] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:41] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:43] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:44] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[00:46] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[00:46] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[00:47] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[00:48] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[00:48] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[00:50] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[00:51] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[00:52] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[00:53] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[00:54] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[00:54] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[00:54] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[00:55] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[00:55] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[00:56] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[00:58] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[00:59] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[00:59] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[00:59] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:00] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:00] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:02] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:02] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:04] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:05] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:06] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:07] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:07] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:09] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:09] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:11] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:11] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:13] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:14] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:16] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:16] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:18] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:20] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:21] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:24] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:27] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:31] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:31] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:34] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:34] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:39] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:39] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:44] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[01:48] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[01:48] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[01:51] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:51] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[01:56] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Piñata Chapter
[02:06] Mako
    So, to tell the truth, today is my birthday.
[02:10] Mako
    Happy Birthday to me.
[02:13] Mako
    A wonderful day of all-I-can-mooch
    that only comes once a year.
SIGN    Room Four
    Akudare Kingdom
[02:21] Mako
    I want a sweet,
    yummy birthday cake and presents.
[02:25] Mako
    Especially presents,
[02:27] Mako
    since the more friends I have,
    the more presents I can expect.
[02:31] Mako
    Friends are justice in the birthday system.
[02:34] Mako
    I'm living here with everyone this year,
[02:37] Mako
    so I'm in an unusually advantageous
    position to enjoy my birthday.
[02:41] Mako
    But wait!
[02:43] Mako
    On last year's birthday, to get presents,
SIGN    It's been ages! You good?  You know today's my birthday, right? lol
[02:46] Mako
    I sent messages to every
    single one of my friends
SIGN    Hey there!!
     You know what day it is?
     Hurray! It is my birthday.
    
[02:48] Mako
    and then Saeka and Hikari
    found out, and then they said,
[02:51] (Flashback) Hikari
    Isn't that rather uncouth?
[02:53] Mako
    I'll never forget that word!
[02:56] Mako
    I don't want them to think of me like that!
SIGN    Bullet Kunoichi
SIGN    Edit Profile
SIGN    Hi there! I'm living in Takako-so as part of the comedy trio Bullet Kunoichi.
     I always wanted to start a Waratter account, so here I am!
     Let's be friends!
[02:58] Kana
    Today's my birthday.
[03:00] Kana
    Today, I can eat all the cake
    and get all the presents.
[03:04] Kana
    It's the best login bonus ever!
[03:08] Kana
    My birthday comes during summer vacation,
SIGN    We asked people whose birthdays fall on vacations
     and holidays. Have you ever missed out?
SIGN    Yes
SIGN    Yes (78%)
SIGN    I don't know
SIGN    I don't know (13%)
SIGN    No
SIGN    No (7%)
SIGN    I am a god
SIGN    I am a god (2%)
[03:11] Kana
    so I usually don't have
    a chance to celebrate.
[03:13] Kana
    But this year, I'm here at
    Takako-so with everyone.
[03:16] Kana
    Counting the manager, I could
    potentially get fifteen presents!
[03:22] Kana
    However!
SIGN    TV SHOPPING
[03:24] (Flashback) Kana
    My birthday is next week!
[03:27] (Flashback) Kana
    My birthday's next week!
[03:29] (Flashback) Kana
    You gotta be birthday!
    Are you seriously birthday?
[03:31] (Flashback) Kana
    What the heck are you, birthday?
[03:33] (Flashback) Chitose
    Aw, shut up!
[03:35] (Flashback) Chitose
    The next time you say "birthday,"
    I'm gonna dump you in the Dotonbori Canal!
[03:40] Kana
    I don't wanna be a mermaid at
    the bottom of the Dotonbori Canal!
[03:43] Mako
    They'll hate me if I bug them
    directly about my birthday.
[03:47] Mako
    But if...
[03:49] Kana
    I just don't use the word "birthday,"
    it should be okay, right?
SIGN    Edit Profile
[03:54] Mako
    On Waratter, when it's your birthday,
    balloons float up the screen.
[03:57] Mako
    Do I show them?
[03:59] Kana
    Maybe I can act surprised and
    say, "Oh, look! Balloons!"
SIGN    Edit Profile
[04:02] Mako
    Then I can bug them about my birthday
    without ever actually saying "birthday."
[04:06] Kana
    And that's how I'll get
    fifteen presents this year!
[04:10] Mako
    Thanks, Waratter!
[04:12] Kana
    Piece of cake!
[04:15] Mako
    Hey, hey, guys!
[04:16] Misao
    Huh. Now I've seen everything.
[04:20] Announcer
    A new problem is facing
    today's youth—balloon harassment.
SIGN    A NEW PROBLEM FACING YOUTH
SIGN    BALLOON HARASSMENT
[04:24] Announcer
    When Waratter users take
    advantage of the balloons
SIGN    I got balloons yo
[04:27] Announcer
    that appear on their birthday to try to
    get attention, this is what it is called.
[04:32] Announcer
    By writing a vague post like,
    "the balloons have flown,"
SIGN    Congrats!
[04:35] Announcer
    they make their friends feel
    intimidated into celebrating.
[04:38] Announcer
    "It is my birthday! You know
    that it is! Take a hint!"
[04:42] Announcer
    is reportedly what it feels like to the
    friends who feel they are being coerced.
[04:46] Announcer
    It is a new form of harassment
    born in the age of social media.
[04:53] Mako
    Balloon harassment?!
[04:55] Kana
    I've never heard of that before!
[04:58] Misao
    Huh? What's wrong with you two?
[05:00] Miyu
    Oh, a funny video? Show me too!
[05:04] Kana
    Oh! Take this!
[05:08] Miyu
    What's wrong?
[05:09] Kana
    I saw a bug on the floor.
[05:11] Miyu
    You didn't have to smash
    it with your phone, though!
[05:16] Yomogi
    Mako-chan, what the heck?
[05:19] Mako
    Oh, I'm just hungry.
[05:21] Misao
    That doesn't mean you should eat your phone!
[05:23] Misao
    Talk about an appetite for destruction!
[05:26] Mako
    That was close!
[05:28] Mako
    I thought they might see it,
    so I instinctively chomped down!
[05:32] Mako
    But there's more than one way
    to get birthday attention.
[05:36] Mako
    Golly! What's a pen doing here?
[05:41] Mako
    There's only one kind of calendar
    icon you use on birthdays.
[05:45] Mako
    A birthday cake!
[05:47] Mako
    If I draw one, they should realize
    it's someone's birthday.
[05:50] Mako
    Yeah, this definitely doesn't look
    like I'm begging for attention.
[05:56] Kana
    What is she up to?
[05:59] Mako
    It's done!
[06:01] Mako
    Wait... is that what a
    birthday cake looks like?
[06:03] Mako
    Whatever. It's close enough
    for them to get it.
[06:07] Mako
    Now I just wait for someone
    to notice my drawing.
[06:11] Misao
    Oh!
[06:11] Mako
    It's time.
[06:12] Miyu
    What's wrong, Misao?
[06:14] Misao
    This drawing... is it one of those?
SIGN    IT APPEARS AGAIN!
SIGN    THE HORNGRY DONUT MONSTER
[06:17] Announcer
    The legendary Horngry Donut monster
    has reportedly appeared again.
[06:21] Mako
    What's a Horngry Donut monster?
[06:23] Announcer
    As per its name, the Horngry Donut monster
    is a horned, hangry, donut-like monster.
[06:29] Announcer
    Despite its adorable appearance, it is said
    to be an American police officer inside.
[06:34] Mako
    I mean, they do say American police
    officers go crazy for donuts.
[06:39] Miyu
    Yeah, this is totally the
    Horngry Donut monster.
[06:42] Yomogi
    But why draw the Horngry
    Donut icon on today's date?
[06:46] Misao
    You drew this, right, Mako?
[06:48] Mako
    Huh?!
[06:49] Misao
    Weren't you drawing something a second ago?
[06:52] Mako
    I-I just had this feeling that the Horngry
    Donut monster might appear today.
[06:56] Miyu
    Just a prediction? Jeez.
[06:58] Yomogi
    Yeah, a prediction.
[07:00] Mako
    Oh, that was close. I think I fooled them.
[07:03] Mako
    Kana-chan?
[07:06] Kana
    Hi, Ma! It's been a while.
SIGN    Ma
SIGN    In Call
SIGN    Mute
SIGN    Speaker
SIGN    Selected
[07:08] Ma
    What's goin' on? You never call like this.
[07:12] Kana
    I guess I just wanted
    to hear your voice, Ma.
[07:15] Kana
    Ma obviously knows that
    today is my birthday.
[07:19] Kana
    If she says "Happy Birthday"
    normally while we're talking,
[07:22] Kana
    then I can't be blamed for bringing it up.
[07:25] Kana
    Because Ma will have said it.
[07:27] Kana
    I'll still be innocent.
[07:30] Miyu
    Kana's mom has a really pretty voice.
[07:32] Misao
    You shouldn't listen in
    on people's phone calls.
[07:35] Kana
    So, Ma, don't you have something to tell me?
[07:39] Ma
    Oh. Uh, yeah, you're right. Actually, Kana...
[07:43] Kana
    Yeah?
[07:44] Ma
    It's Pa.
[07:45] Ma
    He left me.
[07:47] Kana
    Huh?!
[07:48] Kana
    What are you talking about, Ma?
     What do you mean?
[07:51] Ma
    I mean exactly what I said.
[07:53] Yomogi
    We can't hear anything.
    We didn't hear a thing.
[07:56] Ma
    I think I was too hard on him yesterday.
[07:59] Kana
    Are you okay?
[08:01] Ma
    S-Sure. I'm okay. I'll get in
    touch again if anything happens.
[08:04] Ma
    Sorry, Kana. Today of all days...
[08:07] Kana
    Don't worry about it!
    I mean, try to cheer up, Ma.
SIGN    Ma
SIGN    In Call
SIGN    Selected
SIGN    Mute
SIGN    Speaker
SIGN    Call Time
[08:15] Kana
    That isn't what I expected!
[08:17] Misao
    Kana, if there's anything we
    can do to help, just ask.
[08:21] Miyu
    We're on your side, Kana!
[08:24] Kana
    Th-Thanks.
[08:27] Kana
    A huge miscalculation. Why'd she
    have to tell me such shocking news?
[08:33] Mako
    "Today of all days"?
[08:34] Mako
    I'm sure that's what she said.
[08:37] Kana
    Mako-chan drew that? Is it
    really a Horngry Donut?
[08:41] Kana
    When it's on a calendar like that...
[08:44] Kana
    Huh? No way!
[08:46] Mako
    Come to think of it, she reacted the same
    way I did to the balloon harassment story.
[08:51] Mako
    Does that mean it's also Kana-chan's...
[08:53] Kana
    It's also Mako-chan's...
[08:54] Mako & Kana
    ...birthday today?!
[08:56] Kana
    But if it is, why hasn't
    she said so herself?
[09:00] Mako
    Does Kana-chan have some reason
    to keep quiet, just like me?
[09:03] Mako
    If she does, I can't be the one to
    point out that it's her birthday.
[09:08] Mako
    The reason is...
[09:09] Kana
    If I point out that it's Mako-chan's birthday,
    I'll have to give her a present.
[09:14] Kana
    I totally want to celebrate,
[09:15] Kana
    but if I give her a present without getting
    one first, I'll feel like a loser. No thanks!
[09:20] Mako
    I totally want to celebrate,
[09:22] Mako
    but it's too bad, because I don't
    have any money to buy a present.
[09:25] Kana
    I still want my presents, though!
[09:28] Kana
    Including one from Mako-chan, of course.
[09:29] Mako
    I'll get a present without giving one.
[09:32] Mako
    I'll keep pretending I didn't
    realize it's Kana-chan's birthday.
[09:36] Kana
    Do I have to make her
    realize it's my birthday?
[09:40] Mako
    This is the start of a
    battle that I can't lose!
[09:44] Kana
    It's a death match. A life or
    death battle for presents.
[09:49] Mako
    En garde, Kana-chan.
[09:51] Mako
    I'll make sure that you...
[09:53] Kana
    Mako-chan, I'm gonna make you...
[09:57] Mako & Kana
    give me a present!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[10:05] Miyu
    An official Waratter account?
[10:07] Misao
    Yeah, for Akudare.
[10:09] Misao
    Hina said we should make one.
[10:11] Misao
    Or maybe she already did?
[10:14] Miyu
    I don't get that stuff,
     so I'll let you guys handle it.
[10:16] Miyu
    But how about we make an official
    Waratter account for Komon-sama?
[10:20] Misao
    That'd be unofficial.
[10:23] Kana
    Hey! Hey! Look at what I just made.
SIGN    Name: Kiyotsuru Kana       DOB Aug. 10
    Address:  Takako-so
     Valid: Forever
    
     Licenses:
     Class: Medium       Moped
[10:29] Miyu
    A potato stamp? I made those
    all the time as a kid.
[10:32] Yomogi
    Why a license, though?
[10:34] Kana
    The world is so picky about
    rules and rights, right?
[10:37] Kana
    But I thought it'd be okay
    to make my own license card.
[10:40] Kana
    Even though I don't
    have a real license.
[10:43] Mako
    Oh! There!
SIGN    DOB Aug. 10
[10:46] Kana
    Heh. It looks like Mako-chan noticed.
[10:48] Kana
    License cards include personal information.
[10:52] Kana
    Yes, including one's birthday!
[10:54] Mako
    She shoved her birthday
    in front of us so boldly.
[10:58] Mako
    This is bad! If anyone else
    notices the date on the license,
[11:01] Mako
    Kana-chan's birthday will
    be public knowledge!
[11:04] Kana
    I knew this day would come.
[11:06] Kana
    Good thing I took that course
    in potato stamping!
[11:09] ---
    I've won this one, Mako-chan.
[11:11] Miyu
    Kana, you seein' this?
[11:13] Kana
    Got 'em!
SIGN    License
[11:14] Miyu
    If you look close, your face
    looks just like Suzuki-sensei.
[11:17] Kana
    Who?!
[11:18] Misao
    Huh? Are you sure?
[11:20] Yomogi
    Who's Suzuki-sensei?
[11:22] Miyu
    The art teacher from our high school.
    The resemblance is uncanny!
[11:26] Miyu
    See? Add a little here, and...
[11:29] Kana
    Hey! Don't!
[11:30] Miyu
    See?
SIGN    Name: Kiyotsuru Kana       DOB Aug. 10
    Address:  Takako-so
     Valid: Forever
    
     Licenses:
     Class: Medium       Moped
SIGN    Licenses:
[11:32] Yomogi
    Wait, it's a male teacher?
[11:34] Misao
    Yeah, in that case, I think it
    looks more like Kato-sensei.
[11:38] Misao
    Give it here.
[11:40] Kana
    Hey, come on...
[11:41] Misao
    There! It's Kato-sensei!
SIGN    Licenses:
[11:43] Miyu
    Oh. Now that you mention it, yeah.
[11:45] Yomogi
    But that's so weird.
[11:46] Yomogi
    How can there be two different people
[11:48] Yomogi
    with the same base head as
    Kana-chan at the same school?
[11:51] Miyu
    Now, check this out!
[11:53] Kana
    Could you guys stop?
[11:55] Miyu
    Doesn't it look exactly like
    Macaronita-sensei now?
[11:58] Yomogi
    Macaronita isn't even human!
[12:00] Misao
    Macaronita-sensei is a craftsman too,
     so of course he has wings.
[12:05] Kana
    Yeah, um, instead of that,
    could you look a little closer?
[12:09] Misao
    With a few more tweaks, doesn't it look like
     the science teacher, Yanagita-sensei?
[12:12] Yomogi
    How many people are at your school
    are modeled after Kana-chan?
[12:15] Misao
    Give it here.
[12:16] Miyu
    Hey, wait! If you're doing that,
    I wanna add a catapult deck.
[12:22] Misao
    Ooh!
[12:22] Miyu
    Wow!
[12:24] Miyu
    Oh, dang. Sorry.
[12:25] Misao
    Sorry. I felt like a kid again.
[12:28] Kana
    I-It's okay. Don't worry about it.
[12:32] Kana
    The fruit of all my work...
[12:34] Mako
    Well, that's too bad, Kana-chan.
[12:37] Mako
    Want a sauce senbei cracker?
[12:38] Kana
    Yeah! I'd love one!
[12:40] Mako
    I made a bunch, so help yourself.
[12:42] Kana
    Really? Thanks!
[12:45] Kana
    D-Did you...?
[12:48] Kana
    She got me!
[12:49] Kana
    She finished such high-quality sauce
    senbei while I made my potato stamp!
[12:54] Kana
    And she's actually good at drawing!
    What was up with that Horngry Donut?
[12:59] Mako
    Well, I suppose now I have won, Kana-chan.
[13:03] Yayoi
    We're home!
[13:04] Yomogi
    Welcome back. Did you get what I asked for?
[13:07] Yayoi
    I forgot what you wanted, so I just
    bought tons of snacks instead.
[13:12] Yomogi
    You did what?
[13:13] Yomogi
    You've got the self-control
    of an elementary schooler.
[13:16] Yuzu
    I'm sorry. I should have checked
    with you before we left.
[13:20] Yayoi
    It's okay. You know, they say
    there's a snack for everything.
[13:24] Yomogi
    No, they don't!
[13:25] Yayoi
    Oh! Those sauce senbei look delicious!
[13:27] Yayoi
    Can I have one?
[13:28] Misao
    Sure, go ahead.
[13:29] Yayoi
    Thank you!
[13:32] Mako
    Hey, wait!
[13:35] Yuzu
    Me too. Thank you!
[13:39] Yayoi
    I sure get hungry after doing hard work.
[13:41] Yomogi
    You're supposed to say that after
    you've actually finished your job.
[13:45] Yomogi
    You don't have the right to
    be that hungry, Yayoi.
[13:47] Yayoi
    "Even one who is not yet done
    shall become hungry."
[13:51] Yayoi
    We are human, after all!
[13:53] Yomogi
    You ain't reciting proverbs.
[13:56] Mako
    Um, hey...
[13:57] Yayoi
    Oh, sorry. Were those for you, Mako-chan?
[14:00] Mako
    Well, not exactly.
[14:03] Mako
    That was my masterpiece!
[14:06] Yayoi
    Kana-chan!
[14:07] Kana
    Huh?
[14:08] Yayoi
    Did you get a manicure? How pretty!
[14:11] Kana
    I did it myself. How's it look?
[14:14] Miyu
    It's so cool that you did it yourself!
[14:16] Miyu
    I like 'em more weaponized, though.
[14:19] Misao
    You're totally thinkin' of the guy with
    bladed gloves who slices people up.
[14:23] Mako
    Oh, wow! Let me look, too!
[14:26] Kana
    Sure.
[14:27] Mako
    Wha—!
[14:29] Mako
    She's using her manicure?!
[14:31] Kana
    Just as planned.
[14:34] Mako
    I can't believe she wrote it
    on every single fingernail!
[14:40] Yomogi
    This is pretty good!
SIGN    Squid Ink
[14:43] Yayoi
    Right? Aren't they yummy?
[14:46] Yayoi
    They're deep squid ink chips.
SIGN    Deep Squid Ink Chips
[14:48] Yayoi
    They look kinda weird,
    but one bite and you're hooked.
[14:51] Kana
    Are they that good? Can I have some?
[14:53] Yomogi
    Sure.
[14:58] Kana
    Whoa! What a unique texture!
[15:01] Yayoi
    I know, right?
[15:02] Yayoi
    You can't blame me for buying these up
    when I forgot what I was shopping for.
[15:10] Yuzu
    But those chips have one
     unfortunate side effect.
[15:14] Yuzu
    They stick to your fingers.
[15:16] Kana
    Huh?
[15:17] Yayoi
    Even if you wash your hands,
    it doesn't come off.
[15:19] Yuzu
    Not for three days.
[15:22] Kana
    Oh, dang!
[15:24] Mako
    Phew! I'm in the clear.
[15:26] Mako
    Perfect timing, too. It won't seem weird
    if I say I didn't see the message on her nails.
[15:31] Mako
    But Kana-chan is one tough opponent.
[15:33] Mako
    At this point, I might have
    to play my trump card.
[15:37] Mako
    Sorry! I think I forgot to do something.
[15:39] Yayoi
    Okay. See you later.
[15:42] Misao
    By the way, where's Hina?
[15:44] Miyu
    No idea. Probably out
    selling natto somewhere.
[15:47] Yomogi
    It really doesn't come off.
[15:49] Yayoi
    Last time, I got it all around my mouth,
    and it looked like I grew a beard!
[15:54] Yuina
    Oh, everyone's here. What's going on?
[15:57] Miyu
    Ready to get inked up all shiny black?
[15:59] Mone
    All of a sudden? No way.
[16:01] Misao
    It's black, but you won't shine.
[16:12] Everyone
    What is that?
[16:17] Yomogi
    It's getting closer!
[16:18] Yayoi
    Is it looking for food?
[16:20] Yuzu
    Are we gonna be its dinner?
[16:22] Misao
    Quit tryin' to freak me out!
[16:24] Mone
    Is this one of those piñata things?
[16:27] Yuzu
    Oh. Like the dolls with
    candy and stuff inside?
[16:30] Yuzu
    And when you break them, it all comes out?
[16:32] Miyu
    Kind of a horse-shaped confetti ball?
[16:35] Yuina
    Looks about right. They come
    in all shapes and sizes.
[16:39] Chihori
    Huh. Like a coming-of-age ceremony on Mars.
[16:46] Mako
    Yes, that's right. This is a piñata.
[16:48] Mako
    And it's stuffed full of birthday cards.
SIGN    Happy Birthday
[16:53] Mako
    When it breaks and the
    cards all spill out with me,
[16:57] Mako
    everyone should realize it's my birthday.
[17:00] Mako
    I'm glad I made it as a last resort,
    but I never thought I'd be forced to use it.
[17:05] Yomogi
    So we have to break it?
[17:07] Miyu
    Misao, use those trademark
     iron fists of yours!
[17:10] Misao
    Don't make it sound like
    violence is my gimmick!
[17:19] All
    What is it this time?
[17:23] Miyu
    Another one of those piñatas?
[17:26] Yuzu
    I think so, but...
[17:28] Yomogi
    I don't know. It looks like it's made
    for something other than celebration.
[17:33] Mako
    Could that be Kana-chan?
[17:37] Kana
    Another miscalculation!
[17:38] Kana
    I never thought I'd come up with
    the same bit as Mako-chan.
[17:42] Miyu
    What's happening?
[17:45] Mone
    Oh, I get it. It's The Great Space Battle.
[17:48] Yuina
    The Great Space Battle?
[17:51] Mone
    The holy grail of sci-fi movies.
[17:53] Mone
    A horse-shaped monster battles
    the giant life form known
[17:57] Mone
    as the Star Fairy to determine
    the fate of the universe.
[18:00] Mone
    I bet they're trying to
    reenact a scene from that.
[18:04] Kana
    No, we aren't!
[18:05] Misao
    Huh. This is gonna be good.
    Show us what you got!
[18:09] Mako
    Quit telling us what to do!
[18:11] Kana
    But this might work.
[18:13] Kana
    It doesn't look like anyone is gonna
    bust us open. But if we fight...
[18:18] Mako
    If I smash into Kana-chan and break
    open before she does, I win!
[18:22] Mako
    All right. Let's have at it!
[18:35] Mako
    The shell is too tough!
[18:37] Kana
    It just isn't breaking! I'm so tired.
[18:42] Yomogi
    How long are they gonna do this?
[18:44] Misao
    Wait a minute. Isn't this...
[18:48] Misao
    The one and only Horngry Donut?!
[18:51] Yomogi
    I never thought the famous
    monster would show up here.
[18:54] Miyu
    Thank goodness.
[18:55] Misao
    For what?
[18:58] Miyu
    Oh, Hina. You got here at the right time.
[19:02] Miyu
    Wh-What's wrong, Hina?
[19:04] Hina
    Hey. I got the balloons.
[19:06] Miyu
    Balloons?
[19:07] Hina
    You didn't check Waratter?
[19:10] Kana
    That's balloon harassment!
[19:12] Mako
    You can't say things like
    that to get attention!
[19:14] Hina
    Huh?
[19:15] Hina
    What's wrong with wanting people to
    celebrate your happy occasion?
[19:20] Mako & Kana
    She isn't wrong.
[19:21] Misao
    What? Wait a minute.
[19:22] Misao
    Your birthday isn't today, is it, Hina?
[19:25] Miyu
    Yeah! Yeah! We'd never forget
    our friend's birthday.
[19:29] Hina
    Not me. Today is Akudare Kingdom's birthday.
[19:32] Hina
    It's our one-year anniversary.
[19:34] Miyu
    Huh?
[19:35] Hina
    I didn't think anyone would be
    interested in jokes about Ibaraki.
[19:39] Hina
    I actually thought Akudare
    would have split up by now.
[19:43] Hina
    But we did our best and
    made it through the year.
[19:46] Hina
    So I really wanted to celebrate
    our one-year anniversary.
[19:53] Hina
    Both of you forgot that
    today's the anniversary!
[19:56] Hina
    Even after I started an official Waratter
    account just to make you remember.
SIGN    Using Waratter since August 10
SIGN    Edit Profile
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom (Official)
SIGN    Takako-so Rm. 204
[19:59] Hina
    Even then, you didn't notice! You blockheads!
[20:03] Misao
    Then you should have just told us!
[20:06] Hina
    And look like I was the only one
    who cared? It'd be embarrassing!
[20:11] Hina
    What kind of person can't
    remember special days?
[20:13] Miyu
    I do remember!
[20:16] Miyu
    Yesterday was Suzuki-sensei's birthday,
[20:18] Miyu
    tomorrow is Kato-sensei's birthday,
[20:21] Miyu
    and the day after tomorrow is Ibaraki natto
    craftsman Macaronita-sensei's birthday!
[20:25] Miyu
    In Ibaraki, every day is a special day!
[20:28] Misao
    That doesn't make any sense.
[20:30] Misao
    That's enough.
[20:31] All three
    Thank you very much!
[20:35] Yomogi
    What's that?
[20:37] Saeka
    Hi, everybody.
[20:38] Saeka
    It's all ready!
[20:40] Mako
    Huh? What is?
SIGN    Mako & Kana
             Happy Birthday!
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom too!!
[20:49] Iroha
    Here's our present for you.
[20:51] Chitose
    We spent a whole day practicing at Yomogi's
    place and then made this ourselves.
[20:55] Chitose
    Eat as much as you want!
[20:56] Kana
    Wow! Thanks!
[20:58] Chitose
    Hey, I'm glad things were
    okay with your dad.
[21:01] Kana
    Yeah. He got this idea to make
    his middle-aged idol debut
[21:05] Kana
    and was just out auditioning.
[21:07] Iroha
    Exactly how I'd imagine your dad, Kana.
SIGN    Ramen
SIGN    T
    A
    I
    W
    A
    N
SIGN    Ramen
SIGN    Brazilian
[21:10] Saeka
    I brought the best Taiwan Ramen
    chef on the East China Sea.
SIGN    Ramen
SIGN    T
    A
    I
    W
    A
    N
SIGN    Ramen
SIGN    Brazilian
[21:15] Saeka
    Eat as much as you like.
[21:17] Mako
    Thank you!
[21:19] Hikari
    I brought a bunch of my family's
    candy, too. All-you-can-eat for today.
[21:22] Mako
    Thank you too, Hikari!
[21:24] Mako
    Good friends really are all you need!
[21:27] Saeka
    By the way, Mako, we heard from the
    others that you were quite persistent
[21:31] Saeka
    in trying to get attention
    regarding your birthday.
[21:34] Mako
    Gulp!
[21:35] Hikari
    Even after we warned you last year.
[21:37] Chitose
    Kana, so were you.
[21:39] Kana
    But! But! I didn't say the word "birthday"!
[21:42] Mako
    Right! Right! We carefully avoided
    using the word. Both of us.
[21:48] Mako & Kana
    Right?
[21:49] Iroha
    Avoiding one word doesn't make it okay!
[21:51] Iroha
    What shall we do about this?
[21:53] Chitose
    Dotonbori for the both of them?
SIGN    Mako & Kana
             Happy Birthday!
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom too!!
[21:56] Saeka
    Oh, what a lovely idea.
[21:58] Mako & Kana
    F-F-Forgive us!
[22:05] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Cattle Chapter

E11 - The Boss Battle Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] All three
    Hello!
[00:05] Yayoi
    I'm Yayoi.
[00:06] Yomogi
    I'm Yomogi.
[00:08] Yuzu
    I'm Yuzu.
[00:09] Yuzu
    Y!
[00:09] Yayoi
    Y!
[00:10] Yomogi
    Y!
[00:10] All three
    We're Young Wai-Wai!
[00:12] Yayoi
    Time sure flies, doesn't it?
[00:14] Yomogi
    For sure!
[00:16] Yayoi
    It feels like the dinosaurs
    went extinct just yesterday.
[00:18] Yomogi
    Your memory goes back to
    the Cretaceous Period?!
[00:21] Yomogi
    What kind of dinosaur are you, anyway?
[00:23] Yuzu
    Some people believe the dinosaurs moved
    underground and didn't go extinct.
[00:27] Yuzu
    You shouldn't jump to conclusions.
[00:28] Yuzu
    What's with the disclaimer there?
[00:30] Yuzu
    You think we'll get complaints from
     the underground theory believers?
[00:34] Yuzu
    But speaking of time, how about Takako-so?
[00:37] Yuzu
    Our time there has gone by in a flash.
[00:39] Yayoi
    So much has happened!
[00:42] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[00:42] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[00:43] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[00:44] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[00:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[00:46] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[00:47] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[00:47] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[00:49] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[00:49] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[00:51] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[00:51] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[00:52] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[00:52] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[00:54] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[00:55] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[00:55] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[00:55] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[00:57] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[00:58] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[01:00] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[01:00] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[01:01] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[01:02] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[01:02] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:04] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:05] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:06] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:07] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:08] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:08] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:08] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:09] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:10] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:10] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:12] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:13] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:13] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:13] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:15] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:15] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:16] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:16] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:18] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:19] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:20] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:21] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:21] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:23] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:23] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:25] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[01:25] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[01:27] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[01:28] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[01:30] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[01:30] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[01:32] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[01:34] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[01:35] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[01:38] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[01:41] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[01:44] [SONG] all call
    All that
[01:45] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[01:45] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[01:48] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:48] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[01:53] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[01:53] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[01:58] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[02:02] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[02:02] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[02:05] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:05] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:10] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Boss Battle Chapter
[02:16] Seiji
    Only three days remain in the last
    Teppen Grand Prix qualifying round.
[02:19] Seiji
    It's about time you show
    us what you're made of...
[02:24] Seiji
    in the final test!
[02:26] Yomogi
    The final test.
[02:27] Yuzu
    That's right. At the start,
[02:30] Yuzu
    he said the final qualifier would be to
    keep living at Takako-so until the end.
[02:34] Yayoi
    Huh? Does that mean...?
[02:40] Seiji
    You look like you're starting
    to take this seriously.
[02:42] Seiji
    But determination alone won't
    get you to the main event.
[02:45] Seiji
    The Teppen Grand Prix isn't that easy!
[02:48] Yayoi
    Just watch! We'll beat whatever
    test you throw at us!
[02:52] Seiji
    Heh. Well then,
[02:53] Seiji
    let's see if you can stay put inside
    the dorm for the next three days.
[02:58] Seiji
    I'll be watching closely.
[03:03] Macho men
    Macho! Macho! Macho! Macho!
[03:06] Macho men
    Macho! Macho! Macho! Macho!
[03:08] Macho men
    Macho! Macho! Macho! Macho!
[03:11] Macho men
    Macho! Macho! Macho! Macho!
[03:14] Macho men
    Macho! Macho!
[03:16] Macho men
    Ooh, muscle!
[03:18] Macho men
    Muscle! Muscle!
[03:19] Seiji
    Well?
[03:21] Seiji
    How long can you take the heat in here?
[03:24] Yayoi
    The temperature and the air are so steamy
    with machismo I feel like I'm gonna melt!
[03:29] Yuzu
    I don't want to be here one second!
[03:31] Yomogi
    Is this why he thought staying
    put would be a challenge?
[03:34] Mone
    Oh, come on! The A/C isn't working!
[03:37] Seiji
    The A/C was timed to turn off right now.
[03:40] Seiji
    I set it up that way...
[03:42] Seiji
    in the first episode!
[03:43] Kana
    What?
[03:45] Kana
    You mean that was foreshadowing all along?
[03:48] Hina
    But that doesn't make sense.
[03:49] Hina
    Takako-so was completely destroyed.
[03:51] Seiji
    Don't be so nitpicky!
[03:53] Seiji
    Be more macho! More macho!
[03:55] Misao
    Don't change the subject!
[03:56] Seiji
    Anyway, between now and the
    morning three days from now,
[03:59] Seiji
    if you take one step outside of
    Takako-so, you'll be disqualified.
[04:02] Mako
    It's so hot!
[04:03] Hikari
    Three days like this, and we'll die.
[04:06] Yomogi
    There must be something
    we can do! Something!
[04:08] Macho men
    Muscle! Muscle!
[04:10] Yuzu
    That's it! I get it now!
[04:12] Yayoi
    Yuzu, you figured it out?
[04:14] Yuzu
    There's an old proverb from
    the ancient comedy world:
[04:17] Yuzu
    "Thou shalt eat the hot
    oden whilst it is hot."
[04:19] Chitose
    Is that really an old proverb?
[04:21] Yuzu
    The point is, the heat is coming
    from the steaming hot oden.
[04:25] Yuzu
    So we should eat it!
[04:26] Saeka
    With the oden gone,
    the temperature will drop,
[04:29] Saeka
    and macho men can't survive in cold places.
[04:32] Saeka
    Is that what you mean?
[04:33] Iroha
    That's gotta be it.
[04:34] Iroha
    Macho men don't have enough
    body fat to stand the cold!
[04:38] Mako
    In that case...
[04:39] Kana
    It's our move!
[04:41] Miyu
    Leave the eating to me!
[04:43] Mako
    I call the tofu fritter!
[04:45] Mako
    You're mine!
[04:47] Seiji
    Muscle turbo!
[04:49] Seiji
    On!
[04:50] Mako
    What?!
[04:51] Miyu
    The pot dodged?!
[04:52] Macho men
    Muscle! Muscle! Muscle! Muscle!
[04:57] Kana
    We can't grab anything with
    them squatting that fast!
[05:01] Seiji
    You went after the oden, I'll give you that.
[05:04] Seiji
    But don't think you can catch a
    macho man's squat that easily!
[05:09] Yomogi
    What speed! But what kind
    of test is this anyway?
[05:13] Kana
    Now I'll never get any oden!
[05:15] Chitose
    Is there any another way?
[05:16] Chitose
    Some way to stop the macho men?
[05:18] Iroha
    That's it! We can use those!
[05:20] Chitose
    Huh?
SIGN    Miss Donut
[05:23] Mone
    The donuts Saeka brought to share!
[05:26] Iroha
    Donuts are basically
    high-calorie clumps of oil!
[05:28] Iroha
    Eat this!
[05:37] Macho man
    My PFC ratio is falling apart!
SIGN    Protein
SIGN    Fat
SIGN    Carbohydrates
[05:42] Yayoi
    They stopped moving!
[05:43] Yomogi
    Why...?
[05:44] Iroha
    They struggle every day to
    maintain an ideal PFC ratio.
[05:48] Iroha
    No macho man can face the
    terror of having that ruined.
[05:51] Chitose
    Macho life is too weird!
[05:53] Yomogi
    Now's our chance!
[05:54] Miyu
    It's mine!
[05:55] Mako
    Chesuto!
[05:55] Miyu
    Whoa!
[05:55] Yomogi
    Get 'em!
[05:56] Miyu
    Ouch!
[05:58] Mako
    Huff, huff, huff...
[05:59] Yuina
    Let's all work together!
[06:01] Chihori
    Yeah! Compared to a solar prominence,
     hot oden is nothing!
[06:05] Saeka
    Let's combine our strength and eat it up!
[06:08] Yuina
    It's still hot!
[06:10] Hina
    Oh. I hate konjac. Here, Miyu.
[06:12] Miyu
    Ouch! Don't stick hot konjac
    on my face! I'll die!
[06:20] Yuzu
    I'm exhausted.
[06:22] Mone
    Ugh... I'm stuffed.
[06:26] Yuina
    It's getting pretty late.
[06:27] Yuina
    Let's go to bed so we're ready for tomorrow.
[06:32] Misao
    What's that noise?
[06:34] Chitose
    Who's playing upbeat
    music when we're all so tired?!
[06:55] Hikari
    Could you sleep?
[06:56] Miyu
    No way. Not a wink.
[06:59] Miyu
    They were dancing right next to me.
[07:02] Hikari
    I hear that.
[07:03] Yuina
    Are these people ever going to stop dancing?
[07:07] Kana
    Why don't we ask them to leave?
[07:09] Chitose
    Would they even listen when
    they're having so much fun?
[07:14] Yuzu
    Are those...
[07:16] Yuzu
    clothespins?
[07:18] Yuzu
    If we pull those clothespins,
    we might be able to move them.
[07:21] Mako
    Oh, yeah! So that's what they're for!
[07:24] Misao
    What the heck? They aren't moving at all.
[07:27] Yomogi
    They won't even budge!
[07:30] Seiji
    It won't work.
[07:31] Seiji
    You'd need superhuman strength to
    make trained samba dancers move.
[07:35] Mone
    Seiji-san, were you drumming all night?
[07:38] Yuzu
    There's an old proverb from
    the ancient comedy world:
[07:42] Yuzu
    "Thou shalt clip clothespins to thy face."
SIGN    Yuzu-neesan's...
SIGN    ...Declaration
[07:45] Misao
    Where are you getting these proverbs?!
[07:47] Yuzu
    If we clip the clothespins to our faces,
    we might be able to pull the dancers!
[07:51] Misao
    And how does that make any sense?!
[07:52] Kana
    It probably increases surface force.
[07:55] Misao
    What the heck is "surface force"?!
[07:56] Hikari
    If there's no other way,
    we'll just have to try it.
[08:00] Saeka
    But we'll need to choose who will endure
    the humiliation of a clothespin face.
[08:05] Mako
    Shouldn't it be the girls with the
    faces most suited to clothespins?
[08:09] Mako
    Why me?!
[08:10] Saeka
    Do your best, Mako.
[08:10] Chihori
    Ow, ow, ow!
[08:13] Chihori
    It hurts!
[08:14] Chihori
    It hurts as much as when I got
    hit by a meteorite on Mars!
[08:18] Yuina
    W-We're counting on you, Chihori.
[08:20] Hina
    It suits you, Miyu.
[08:22] Miyu
    I don't wanna hear it!
[08:23] Kana
    Iroha-senpai, doesn't it hurt?
[08:25] Iroha
    I thought it might come to this,
    so I've been exercising my face.
[08:28] Iroha
    I'm fine.
[08:29] Mako
    All right, then. One, two...
[08:32] Mako; Chihori; Miyu; Iroha
    Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave-ho!
[08:34] Yayoi
    Ah! They moved a little!
[08:36] Mako
    My skin! It's tearing off my skin!
[08:38] Saeka
    I'll replenish your skin!
    Replace it, even!
[08:41] Saeka
    Keep going!
[08:42] All
    Heave-ho! Heave-ho!
[08:51] Yayoi
    That was crazy, guys.
SIGN    Felt like my face was getting destroyed
[08:54] Yayoi
    Mm-hmm.
[08:56] Yuzu
    We now know where this is leading.
[08:58] Yomogi
    Yeah. When they try to force us out,
    we have to counter with comedy.
[09:05] Yayoi
    Now that we know how to play, we can't lose.
[09:08] Yayoi
    When did Seiji-san leave?
[09:14] Mone
    W-We're under attack?!
[09:19] Yuina
    They have darts and blowguns!
[09:21] Yomogi
    Hey, that's dangerous!
    You could've hit someone!
[09:26] Yuzu
    Yomogi!
[09:27] Yayoi
    Don't die on us!
[09:28] Chitose
    There's no way she'd die from that.
[09:30] Mone
    I bet it's mega painful, though.
[09:34] Hikari
    Can we take cover somewhere?
[09:36] Hikari
    Huh?
[09:37] Hikari
    Where did that thing come from?
[09:40] Kana
    Perfect timing, though!
[09:42] Kana
    Darts can't fly through a bath.
[09:44] Chitose
    Stop, Kana!
[09:45] Chitose
    If this is like the others, that's...!
[09:48] Kana
    Huh?
[09:49] Kana
    Aaahoowww!
[09:51] Chitose
    Super-hot water. I knew it.
[09:53] Mako
    Hey! We can't get in water that hot!
[09:56] Yuzu
    No! If it's that hot, then we must get in it!
[09:59] Hina
    Say what?
[10:01] Yuzu
    There's an old proverb from
    the ancient comedy world:
[10:05] Yuzu
    "Don't push me. Don't push me. Okay, push!"
[10:08] Yuzu
    Jumping into a super-hot
    bath is a comedy standard.
[10:13] Hina
    A comedy standard?
[10:17] Misao
    So we either get shot by darts
    or jump in hot water?
[10:20] Miyu
    Okay, then!
[10:23] Miyu
    I'll go in at my own pace.
[10:26] Miyu
    Don't push me. Don't push me.
[10:28] Miyu
    Don't push me. Don't push me!
[10:33] Miyu
    Okay, push!
[10:34] Miyu
    Aaah! It's so hot!
[10:36] Misao
    M-Miyu!
[10:37] Misao
    We gotta follow Miyu in!
[10:39] Misao
    Jump in the water!
[10:42] Yayoi
    O-Okay!
[10:43] Yuzu
    Ah! It's hot!
[10:45] Yuina
    Chihori, the darts!
[10:45] Chihori
    Aah! One stuck me!
[10:48] Seiji
    Sounds like they're doing pretty well.
[10:50] Seiji
    But we're just getting started.
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[11:02] Kana
    Nobody's out there.
[11:03] Mako
    Yeah. Is the test over already?
[11:05] Yuzu
    I don't think so.
[11:07] Yuzu
    The deadline is tomorrow morning.
[11:09] Yuzu
    Anything could happen before then!
[11:12] Miyu
    But we're ready for whatever
     they throw at us now.
[11:17] Police (Seiji)
    To the suspects barricaded
     inside Takako-so:
[11:20] Police (Seiji)
    Release the hostages and
    surrender immediately!
[11:23] Chitose
    What does he mean "suspects"?
[11:24] Chitose
    We don't have any hostages!
[11:26] Police (Seiji)
    Immediately release the smoked chicken
    tenders that Seiji so lovingly prepared!
[11:31] Yomogi
    The chicken tenders are our hostages?!
[11:33] Police (Seiji)
    We're the Muscle Police!
    You must follow our orders.
[11:36] Misao
    They ain't even real cops!
[11:38] Yayoi
    Does that mean this is part of the test?
[11:41] Yuzu
    It seems like it.
[11:43] Police (Seiji)
    Your criminal activities are
    making your parents suffer!
[11:47] Hikari's mom
    Hikari? You're in there, right?
[11:48] Hikari
    Huh?! Mom?!
[11:50] Hikari's mom
    I heard you were involved in a crime.
[11:53] Hikari's mom
    That makes me so sad!
[11:55] Mako
    What a cheap move, to bring her mom into it!
[11:57] Hikari's mom
    You've never been the type to cause trouble.
[12:00] Hikari's mom
    You've always been such
    a good, gentle child!
[12:03] Hikari
    Mom...
[12:03] Mako
    Huh?!
[12:04] Hikari
    Mom!
[12:07] Hikari's mom
    I want you to remember who you are,
[12:09] Hikari's mom
    so I'm going to read the grade
    school essay you wrote.
[12:13] Hikari
    Huh?
[12:14] Hikari's mom
    "When I Grow Up," by Jogasaki Hikari,
     Grade Six, Class One.
[12:18] Hikari's mom
    "Everybody calls me Princess Hikari.
[12:22] Hikari's mom
    I think it's because I give off
    a super-strong princess vibe.
[12:27] Hikari's mom
    This little princess's mom and
    dad own a sweets company."
[12:32] Iroha
    This is horrible. How embarrassing.
[12:35] Chitose
    It's pure hell.
[12:36] Hikari
    I'll make her stop.
[12:37] Saeka
    You can't, Hikari!
[12:38] Yuzu
    She's right! That's exactly
    what they want you to do!
[12:41] Yuzu
    These tests are all based
    on variety TV show gags.
[12:44] Yayoi
    Variety show gags?
[12:46] Yuzu
    Yeah.
[12:46] Yuzu
    Since ancient times, it's been
     common on variety shows
[12:48] Yuzu
    to have the guest comedians' parents
    make a surprise appearance.
[12:51] Yuzu
    If the guests get angry about it,
    they're never invited to the show again.
[12:56] Yomogi
    So no matter how embarrassing
    our parents are,
[12:59] Yomogi
    it's important to keep reacting 
    without actually getting angry?
[13:03] Yuzu
    Probably.
[13:04] Kana's mom
    Kana, can you hear me?
[13:05] Kana
    Ma?
[13:06] Chitose
    Wha—Next up is Kana's ma?
[13:08] Kana
    Oh, don't say any weird stuff about me, Ma.
[13:11] Kana
    Like the essay I wrote about becoming
    the world's number one idol,
[13:15] Kana
    or about becoming the god of Naniwa.
[13:17] Kana
    That stuff is so embarrassing!
    Please don't say anything!
[13:20] Iroha
    You've already said it all.
[13:22] Kana's mom
    Actually... Kana...
[13:24] Kana's mom
    Pa left me again.
[13:28] Kana's mom
    I really wonder if it's all my fault.
[13:32] Kana's mom
    Or has he found someone else?
[13:35] Iroha
    Don't, Kana!
[13:36] Kana
    Let me go! Let me go!
SIGN    Go with the "Dad left me" routine
[13:39] Kana
    I need to go give Ma a big hug!
[13:42] Chitose
    I know how you feel, but you can't!
[13:42] Kana
    Ma! Wait for me! I'm coming! Let me go!
[13:43] Chitose
    He isn't actually gone anyway!
[13:45] Chitose
    Maybe!
[13:46] Saeka
    This is unexpected.
[13:48] Saeka
    I didn't think they would resort
    to psychological warfare.
[13:50] Miyu
    Pretty tough enemy, huh?
[13:52] Miyu
    Ah!
[13:56] Yuzu
    What is it this time?
[13:57] Miyu
    It's gotta be...
[13:59] Miyu
    This... It's gotta be!
[14:01] Miyu
    It's the Mito Komon Neo theme song!
[14:03] Komon
    To the villains tormenting the townsfolk:
[14:05] Komon
    I can no longer ignore your evil deeds!
[14:08] Miyu
    Th-That voice is...
[14:09] Komon
    Do you not recognize the
    Shogun's family crest?
[14:11] Miyu
    It's g-g-g-g-gotta be!
[14:14] Miyu
    Komon-sama's voice!
[14:15] Miyu
    They're filming Mito Komon Neo
     outside right now!
[14:19] Misao
    Don't go, Miyu! It's a trap!
[14:21] Miyu
    Trap or not, it's Mito Komon, in the raw!
[14:24] Miyu
    A once-in-a-lifetime chance!
[14:26] Miyu
    Gimme the raw Mito Komon!
[14:27] Miyu
    Show me the raw Mito Komon!
[14:30] Hina
    Stop saying "raw Mito Komon."
[14:31] Miyu
    Let me go! You gotta let me go!
SIGN    Mito Komon Neo & Space Wars
[14:37] Yuina
    What's that sound?
[14:38] Mone
    It sounds like a light saber!
[14:39] Knight
    Believe in the force of the Power!
[14:41] Mone
    Aah! He said the thing!
[14:42] Mone
    It's gotta be!
[14:43] Mone
    They're filming a Space Wars movie outside!
[14:47] Yuina
    You still can't go, Mone!
[14:49] Mone
    I wanna watch! I wanna watch! Let me go!
[14:52] Chihori
    It's probably a trap! I'm sure it's a trap!
[14:55] Komon
    What an unusual glowing sword.
[14:57] Komon
    Suke-san and Kaku-san aren't here right now,
[14:59] Komon
    so why don't you and I join forces?
[15:02] Knight
    Very well. May you also
    be guided by the Power.
[15:07] Mone
    It's a crossover!
[15:09] Mone
    It's a Space Wars and 
    Mito Komon Neo crossover!
[15:12] Miyu
    Komon-sama leaves Mito
    and flies into space?!
[15:16] Miyu; Mone
    I can't live without seeing this!
[15:19] Yayoi
    Don't go!
[15:25] Yayoi
    I won't let you pass!
[15:26] Miyu
    Ouch! Move it, Yayoi!
[15:28] Miyu
    The raw Mito Komon is right out there!
[15:31] Mone
    Space is expanding!
[15:33] Yayoi
    I won't let you! If you go outside,
    you can't go to the Teppen!
[15:37] Mone
    That's none of your business!
[15:39] Yayoi
    It is too! You're my friends!
[15:41] Yayoi
    I want all of us to go to
    the main event together!
[15:46] Yomogi
    Yayoi...
[15:47] Yayoi
    I don't want anyone left out.
[15:50] Yayoi
    Let's all stand on that stage together!
[15:53] Miyu
    You're right. Our futures are on the line.
[15:57] Mone
    Sorry, Yayoi-chan. I just...
[16:00] Yayoi
    Hey, it's fine. Let's all
     eat and take a break.
[16:04] Mone
    You can have my space rations.
[16:06] Yayoi
    Really? Thanks!
[16:08] Yuzu
    Even if we get invited to work on
    our favorite shows and movies,
[16:11] Yuzu
    we can't can't neglect our
    main work as comedians.
[16:14] Yuzu
    I'm sure this test was made
    to teach us that lesson.
[16:18] Yomogi
    Is all this really necessary to
    determine Grand Prix participation?
[16:25] Kana
    We got some kind of a delivery.
[16:28] Chitose
    What are those?
[16:30] Hina
    They're VR headsets.
[16:32] Misao
    Like the gaming device?
[16:34] Yuzu
    Variety shows always have gaming segments.
[16:37] Yuzu
    This might be a test to
    see how we handle them.
[16:40] Yuina
    According to what Seiji-san said,
     today's the third day.
[16:42] Yuina
    If we hold out until morning,
    we can go to the main event.
[16:46] Yayoi
    Just a little longer! Let's make
    it to the competition together!
[16:49] Chitose
    After this, we'll be rivals, though.
[16:52] Yomogi
    Obviously. Only one team
    can make it to the top!
[16:55] Yuzu
    This must be the last test.
[16:58] Yuzu
    Stay focused, everyone.
[17:00] Yayoi
    I'm sure we can clear it
    if we all work together!
[17:03] Yomogi
    Let's give it all we got!
[17:08] Yayoi
    Wow! Awesome!
[17:11] Chitose
    It's really like we're inside a game.
[17:13] Chitose
    VR is awesome.
[17:16] Yuina
    Hey, look! The cows have wings!
     Just like an isekai!
[17:20] Mone
    Probably hard to milk them, though.
[17:23] Mako
    But why tracksuits?
[17:25] Hina
    Everyone wears tracksuits
    in isekai. It's a rule.
[17:28] Villager
    Oh, gee. Are y'all adventurers?
[17:32] Yomogi
    What crappy graphics!
[17:34] Yomogi
    He totally sticks out from the background!
[17:36] Villager
    This here's the perfect village
    to start an adventure in.
[17:40] Villager
    If you need anything,
    you should visit the tool shop.
[17:44] Villager
    Here's 100 gold, so why don'tcha get set up?
[17:48] Yomogi; Yayoi
    Thank you very much!
[17:50] Misao
    Such a nice character, too.
     Kinda makes it more sad.
[17:53] Villager
    Ah, there she is. That over
    there is my daughter.
[17:59] Yomogi
    And the daughter's model is high quality?!
[18:01] Yomogi
    Put some resources into the dad, too!
[18:03] Villager
    Her name is Lady Meat Wench.
    I hope you'll get along.
[18:07] Chitose
    What a messed-up name!
    The devs need a taste overhaul!
[18:11] Yuina
    Wh-What?
[18:19] Yomogi
    Something really nasty just spawned.
[18:21] Mone
    It's the final boss! Look at it!
    It's gotta be the final boss!
[18:25] Mako
    But that's weird! Why would the final
    boss appear in the starting village?
[18:30] Last Boss
    I heard that some brave heroes had arrived.
[18:33] Last Boss
    I figured I'd smash you to bits before
    you had a chance to level up.
[18:38] Misao
    He's just gonna betray time-honored
     final boss conventions and skip ahead?!
[18:42] Misao
    What a coward!
[18:44] Last Boss
    The humans have spread too far.
[18:46] Last Boss
    At this rate, the entire planet will perish.
[18:49] Chitose
    What's he talking about all of a sudden?
[18:51] Iroha
    It's typical final boss dialogue.
[18:54] Last Boss
    There is no time left.
[18:55] Last Boss
    To save the planet, I must wipe
    out the humans. It is decided.
[18:59] Hina
    What a cliché motive.
    Don't you know this is the Reiwa era?
[19:02] Last Boss
    Silence!
[19:09] Villager
    No, no, no!
[19:10] Mako
    Mr. Villager!
[19:11] Yayoi
    Aah!
[19:12] Last Boss
    Perish, humans!
[19:15] Miyu
    I ain't gonna let you win!
[19:17] Miyu
    Monkfish Stew Fire!
SIGN    Monkfish Stew
[19:20] Monkfish
    Pigyah!
SIGN    Monkfish from Oarai
[19:21] Kana
    Attack! Naniwa Summonster!
SIGN    Naniwa Summonster
[19:23] Naniwa Doll
    How's it hangin', man?
[19:25] Saeka
    Thank you for your purchase!
[19:26] Saeka
    Credit Withdrawal Glitter!
[19:27] Chihori
    The Big Bang Next Door!
SIGN    Gold Bullion
SIGN    Singularity
[19:29] Monkfish
    Pigyaaah!
[19:29] Singularity
    Birth of the universe!
[19:29] Naniwa Doll
    All good. And you? And you?
[19:34] Last Boss
    No effect. No effect at all!
[19:36] Last Boss
    You will never defeat me!
[19:38] Last Boss
    Your world will fall under my control!
[19:44] Yayoi
    This way!
[19:46] Yayoi
    Hurry!
[19:57] Yomogi
    Yayoi...
[20:02] Yayoi
    I'll defeat you myself!
[20:09] Saeka
    Stop! You're going too far!
[20:11] Yayoi
    I don't care!
[20:26] Last Boss
    Is that all you got?
[20:30] Yayoi
    Why, you...
[20:33] Yayoi
    I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
[20:37] Yayoi
    Yomogi! Yuzu!
[20:40] Yuzu
    Let's finish this.
[20:41] Yomogi
    We will.
[20:42] Yuzu; Yayoi; Yomogi
    With one attack!
[20:47] Yomogi
    Take this!
[20:48] Yuzu
    Death blow!
[20:49] Yayoi
    Young Wai-Wai!
[20:50] Last Boss
    I-It can't be!
[20:52] Last Boss
    Did their delicate bond of friendship
    affect the world's code
[20:55] Last Boss
    and glitch their XP?!
[20:59] Yuzu; Yayoi; Yomogi
    Slash!
[21:07] Last Boss
    It can't be... The bugs! Fix the bugs!
[21:12] Last Boss
    Optimize the... code...
[21:14] Last Boss
    Apologems...
[21:17] Cow
    Moo!
[21:19] Cow
    Moo!
[21:28] Yayoi
    Yes!
[21:29] Yomogi
    We succeeded!
[21:40] All three
    A-Are we...?
[21:43] Seiji
    There's an old proverb from
    the ancient comedy world:
[21:48] Seiji
    "Thou shalt not lose thyself
    in games and quizzes
[21:53] Seiji
    and forget thy true work."
[21:56] Seiji
    Young Wai-Wai is...
[21:58] Seiji
    out!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
    Disqualified
[22:03] Yayoi
    No way...
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Laughter Chapter

E12 - The Laughter Chapter
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Master Frog
    The Teppen Grand Prix final
    qualifier has ended.
[00:06] Master Frog
    It seems one team from
    Takako-so was eliminated.
[00:09] Master Phone
    Even more should have been washed out.
[00:12] Master Phone
    Why did you go so easy on them?
[00:14] Master Kokeshi
    What's wrong, code name:
    Muscle? Do you dare defy us?
[00:18] Master Frog
    The comedy world is a battleground,
[00:20] Master Frog
    a path of blood and carnage
    where the weak fail
[00:23] Master Frog
    and only the funny reach the top!
[00:27] Master Barber
    Either way, if they have true skills, it
    should be possible to crawl their way up.
[00:33] Master Moai
    Only if they have the skills.
[00:35] Master Frog
    Enough talking.
[00:37] Master Frog
    This concludes the Teppen
    Grand Prix Committee meeting.
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Takoyaki
SIGN    Takohashi
SIGN    The Laughter Chapter
[00:55] Yayoi
    It's all over.
[00:57] Yomogi
    Yeah.
[00:58] Yuzu
    That's true.
[00:59] Yayoi
    We were kicked out of Takako-so.
[01:02] Yomogi
    Yeah.
[01:02] Yuzu
    That's true.
[01:04] Yayoi
    And our dreams for the Teppen Grand Prix...
[01:07] Yayoi
    I'm sorry, Yomogi, Yuzu.
[01:09] Yayoi
    If only I hadn't saved the world!
[01:13] Yayoi
    If only I hadn't claimed a hero's glory!
[01:15] Yuzu
    It wasn't your fault, Yayoi!
[01:17] Yomogi
    She's right! We were up there with you too.
[01:20] Yomogi
    If only I had stopped you then...
[01:24] Yomogi
    As Young Wai-Wai's tsukkomi,
    I'm an embarrassment.
[01:27] Yayoi
    Yuzu. Yomogi.
[01:33] Yayoi
    Let's forget it.
[01:35] Yayoi
    This isn't like us at all. Let's cheer up.
[01:38] Yayoi
    Oh, yeah! Since everyone at Takako-so
    is going to the main event,
[01:41] Yayoi
    why don't we form a cheer squad for them?
[01:44] Yomogi
    That sounds great!
[01:46] Yomogi
    We'll be so happy if they do well.
[01:48] Yuzu
    Think of how exciting it'll be if they win!
[01:51] Yayoi
    Then we'll have to thank them!
[01:53] Yayoi
    Like, "thanks for the excitement!"
[01:55] Yomogi
    Yeah, "thanks for the excitement."
[01:57] Yuzu
    Sure. "Thanks for the excitement."
[01:59] Yayoi
    Yeah, yeah! Thanks for the...
[02:03] Yomogi
    I don't know. I just...
[02:05] Yuzu
    I'm happy to see them succeed, but...
[02:13] Yomogi
    I just... can't.
[02:15] Yomogi
    I can't shift gears that fast.
[02:17] Yomogi
    I really wanted it.
[02:19] Yomogi
    I really wanted to make people laugh.
[02:21] Yomogi
    I really wanted to make it to the top.
[02:25] Yayoi
    It isn't fair! It isn't fair! It isn't fair!
[02:27] Yayoi
    I wanna be in the main event!
[02:28] Yayoi
    There's so much more we can do!
[02:30] Yayoi
    We were gonna be so hilarious!
[02:32] Yuzu
    I really don't want things to end like this.
[02:35] Steward
    Is that right, Mistress?
[02:37] Yuzu
    Steward?
[02:39] Yayoi
    How'd you get in?
[02:40] Yayoi
    Wait. How long were you there?
[02:41] Steward
    From the part when Yayoi-sama said,
[02:43] Steward
    "It's all over."
[02:45] Yomogi
    Since the start of the scene?!
[02:46] Yuzu
    You should have said something.
[02:48] Steward
    Please accept my apologies.
[02:49] Steward
    I have a bad habit of blending
    into the background.
[02:52] Steward
    I have watched over
    Mistress Yuzu her entire life,
[02:57] Steward
    so her time away felt
    like an eternity to me.
[03:01] Yuzu
    I had to ask him not to
    follow me to Takako-so.
[03:05] Yomogi
    Is that right?
[03:06] Yayoi
    But why did you show up now?
[03:09] Steward
    The Teppen Grand Prix office asked
    me to deliver something to you.
[03:14] Yuzu
    Oh? What is it?
[03:16] Steward
    It's this.
[03:17] Yomogi
    A dumbbell?!
[03:18] Yayoi
    Something's written on it.
[03:21] Yayoi
    "To the members of Young Wai-Wai.
[03:23] Yayoi
    You have been entered to compete
    in the comeback round."
[03:27] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    The comeback round?!
[03:28] Seiji
    It's true that you failed
    the final qualifier.
[03:32] Seiji
    But that doesn't mean you've
    completely run out of options.
[03:36] Seiji
    Final qualifiers were held all over the
    country, with the same rules as Takako-so.
[03:40] Seiji
    All of the disqualified trios are given the
    right to participate in the comeback round
[03:44] Seiji
    to compete for the last
    spot in the main event.
[03:47] Seiji
    The comeback round will be held on a special
    stage in two days, right before the main event.
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
[03:53] Seiji
    This will be your final chance.
[03:57] Seiji
    If you want to reach the top,
    grab that one last ticket
[04:00] Seiji
    like your life depends on it!
[04:03] Steward
    So only one team will advance.
[04:06] Steward
    That does sound quite strict.
[04:08] Yomogi
    Oh, yes!
[04:09] Yomogi
    We still had a chance!
[04:11] Yuzu
    We aren't finished with the
    Teppen Grand Prix yet!
[04:15] Yayoi
    We get another chance to perform together!
[04:18] Yuzu
    We can do more gags together!
    The three of us!
[04:21] Yayoi
    Hurray!
[04:22] Yomogi
    Praise the gods of comedy!
[04:25] Yayoi
    A comedy carnival?
[04:27] Steward
    Yes.
[04:28] Steward
    It's a small event held on the
    roof of a department store.
[04:31] Steward
    Several of the trios participating in the
    comeback round will be appearing there.
[04:37] Steward
    I suppose they're using it as a final
    practice run before the real thing.
[04:40] Yomogi
    If they're signed up for the comeback round,
     that means they're all our rivals.
[04:44] Yayoi
    I wonder what they're like.
SIGN    Comedy Carnival!!!
[04:45] Yuzu
    So do I.
[04:47] Steward
    I expected you to say that.
SIGN    Comedy Carnival!
[04:53] Yayoi
    Too bad. I wish we could have performed, too.
[04:56] Yuzu
    Oh, well. The deadline for
    registering was yesterday.
[05:00] Hitoe
    Oh, nice! You guys are Young Wai-Wai, right?
[05:03] Yomogi
    Huh? Yeah, we are.
[05:05] Hitoe
    I heard all about how you got
    disqualified in the last round.
[05:09] Hitoe
    You went on TV, and it went
    straight to your head.
[05:11] Hitoe
    That's, like, super lame!
[05:13] Yomogi
    Don't talk to us like that. It's so rude!
[05:15] Yuzu
    But who are you?
[05:17] Hitoe
    Oh, us?
[05:19] Hitoe
    Sprouted from the land and sea of Okinawa,
[05:22] Hitoe
    the guardian lions of comedy!
[05:24] Hitoe
    You know that "Chochune" joke? That's us!
SIGN    Chochune
[05:27] Eri
    Flyin' high like an Okinawan rail.
[05:29] Miroko
    I dream of drowning at sea and
    coming back as a coral reef.
[05:36] Yayoi
    Are you guys appearing
    in the comeback round?
[05:39] Hitoe
    Yeah, and we're the ones who're gonna win!
[05:43] Hitoe
    We ain't losing to some fancy-pants
    Takako-so team that was showin' off on TV!
[05:48] Ringo
    Hold it right there!
[05:52] Yomogi
    Huh?
[05:52] Yuzu
    Namahage?
[05:56] Ringo
    Ripe as fresh fruit from Tohoku,
SIGN    Michinoku
SIGN    Blizzard
[05:58] Ringo
    Michinoku Blizzard is gonna snag
    that last spot at the main event!
[06:02] Cherry
    Hi, I'm Cherry.
[06:03] Nashiko
    I dare you to say my pear
    costume looks dumb.
[06:06] Yuzu
    Could it be? These three too?
[06:09] Udon
    Youse ain't gonna leave us out of this.
[06:12] Udon
    Main event, you say?
[06:14] Udon
    That spot's for the four-star
    triangle of Shikoku,
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
[06:17] Udon
    The Fore Seasons. You won't get past us!
[06:21] Pom
    Anyone want some Pon orange juice?
[06:23] Naru
    Believe it! Believe it!
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
[06:25] Yomogi
    They keep getting weirder and weirder!
[06:28] Yuzu
    They're coming on so strong, it's
     actually drowning out their style.
[06:31] Yuzu
    These are the trios going
    to the comeback round?
[06:35] Udon
    What a seriously sour bunch you are.
[06:37] Udon
    I'll strangle you to death with my udon!
[06:39] Udon
    Or would ya rather choke to death on it?
[06:42] Yomogi
    Quit weaponizing your local cuisine!
[06:44] Jessie
    Remember!
[06:45] Jessie
    If y'all ignore us, you're
    going to re-Greta Garbo it!
[06:48] Yayoi
    Who is it this time?
[06:50] Jessie
    The world-class star player of comedy.
[06:53] Jessie
    Fujiyama Touchdown is who we are!
SIGN    Fujiyama Touchdown
[06:56] Miley
    Country is country!
[06:59] Kaepernickson
    Fujiyama justice!
[07:00] Jessie
    Young Wai-Wai!
[07:02] Jessie
    You think you're somethin' special just
    because you got on TV a little, big man?
[07:06] Jessie
    We'll show ya who's who when
    we ace that comeback round!
[07:10] Hitoe
    Oh, jeez! That fake globalization!
[07:13] Hitoe
    We won't let you just brush
    Chochune off and declare a win!
[07:17] Ringo
    Our jokes are better and our farms
    are bigger than anything you got!
[07:20] Udon
    We'll show you how thick our
    skin is. Thicker than udon!
[07:30] Yayoi
    They were crazy.
[07:32] Yomogi
    Yeah, literally.
[07:33] Yuzu
    Their intros had such impact that
    I don't even remember the jokes.
[07:38] Yomogi
    I guess that sort of thing is comedy too,
[07:40] Yomogi
    but I want us to compete on
    the strength of our gags.
[07:43] Yayoi
    Then let's start writing new ones!
[07:45] Yayoi
    Let's hit 'em with the best we got!
[07:48] Kana
    I heard about what's going on.
[07:50] Yayoi
    Kana-chan?!
[07:52] Chitose
    Kana. You're inside. Take off your shoes.
[07:54] Iroha
    Excuse us! We just dropped by.
[07:56] Yomogi
    Bullet Kunoichi!
[07:58] Yomogi
    Why are you guys here?
[07:59] Kana
    Come on, we aren't strangers.
[08:01] Kana
    We were your housemates at Takako-so!
[08:03] Kana
    If you're having trouble with
    your routine, we can help!
[08:07] Miyu
    That settles it! The theme
    is Ibaraki versus Gunma!
[08:10] Misao
    Yeah, that's perfect.
[08:12] Yomogi
    No, it isn't!
[08:13] Yomogi
    But where the heck did you come from?
[08:15] Hina
    Kids in Ibaraki learn to camouflage
    themselves three months after birth.
[08:19] Hina
    They must, to survive.
[08:20] Yomogi
    Is their life really that harsh?
[08:22] Saeka
    We got worried and decided to visit.
    We thought things might turn out like this.
[08:27] Hikari
    If we can't give Young
    Wai-Wai practical advice,
[08:30] Hikari
    it'll just be a distraction for them.
[08:33] Mako
    People who are really stingy with their
    advice never actually help, do they?
[08:37] Miyu
    Oh, stuff it!
[08:39] Miyu
    You think you can give
    them good advice, then?
[08:42] Saeka
    Yes, of course.
[08:43] Saeka
    First of all, we'll have them
    wear this when they go on stage.
SIGN    We'll pay you 100,000 yen each
     if you help us win
[08:49] Yomogi
    It's a bribe!
[08:50] Yuina
    The horoscope says the stars will be
    aligned for Young Wai-Wai that day.
[08:55] Yomogi
    Invaders!
[08:58] Yomogi
    Why'd you come in that way?
[08:59] Yuina
    And your lucky charm is
    a space alien's head!
[09:02] Chihori
    What? Seriously?!
[09:03] Mone
    Want me to teach you my beam saber bit?
[09:06] Yomogi
    This room is too small for all of you!
[09:09] Kana
    But we're all worried about you!
[09:12] Yuina
    We want you at the main event! Definitely!
[09:14] Mako
    Then why don't we all take turns
    writing parts of the routine?
[09:18] Miyu
    We'll start it with "Ibaraki banzai!"
[09:21] Yomogi
    That makes the topic too small!
[09:23] Mone
    How about "space banzai"?
[09:25] Yomogi
    That makes it too big!
[09:26] Saeka
    Why don't we drop cash
    from a helicopter, then?
[09:30] Yomogi
    Another bribe?
[09:31] Yomogi
    You only see that at the
    end of heist movies!
[09:34] Miyu
    Then we'll drop natto instead.
[09:36] Yomogi
    That's harassment!
[09:37] Mone
    I always use the beam saber
    to heat up the onsen.
[09:40] Yomogi
    Enough of the beam saber jokes!
[09:42] Kana
    How about everything from the birth
    of the planet to the present?
[09:42] Yayoi
    Did you think of something?
[09:45] Yuzu
    Yeah. Why don't we go with this theme?
[09:46] Yomogi
    That's too long!
SIGN    Our Friends at Takako-so
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
[10:05] Ahn Mika
    The day is finally here!
[10:07] Ahn Mika
    The Teppen Grand Prix main event!
[10:10] Ahn Mika
    I'll be your host today—
[10:12] Ahn Mika
    like a big sister you all know and love,
[10:14] Ahn Mika
    Ahn Mika is here for you!
[10:18] Ahn Mika
    Before tonight's main event,
[10:20] Ahn Mika
    we're holding the comeback round on
    a special stage next to the stadium.
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
SIGN    Chochune
[10:26] Ahn Mika
    The comeback round will stream
    live on our official channel,
[10:30] Ahn Mika
    where the audience will
    be able to participate!
[10:33] Ahn Mika
    The ranking of the performances will
    be decided by the in-person audience
[10:37] Ahn Mika
    and online viewers around the country.
[10:40] Ahn Mika
    Out of the ten entrants, only the group with
    the most votes will receive a ticket
[10:45] Ahn Mika
    to attend the Teppen Grand Prix main event.
SIGN    Teppen
    Grand Prix
SIGN    Teppen
    Grand Prix
[10:49] Ahn Mika
    Which trio will earn a final chance
    to perform at the main event?
SIGN    Teppen
    Grand Prix
SIGN    Comeback Round
     Entries
SIGN    Chochune
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Fujiyama Touchdown
SIGN    Michinoku Blizzard
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
SIGN    Tonkotsu Busters
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Hyakumangoku Manju
SIGN    Mixed Vegetables
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[10:54] Ahn Mika
    This is one show you don't want to miss!
[10:57] Chitose
    A traffic jam?!
[10:58] Yuzu
    Yeah. There was some kind of accident.
[11:00] Steward
    I am very sorry.
[11:02] Yayoi
    It isn't your fault, Steward.
[11:04] Yomogi
    But how long will this traffic jam last?
[11:10] Akudai
    Hey, you! Get out of my way!
[11:13] Detective
    No! This is our filming location!
[11:15] Akudai
    No men allowed!
[11:17] Detective
    Damn it! We air in 24 hours!
SIGN    Fujiyama Touchdown
[11:22] Jessie
    Touchdown! We're Fujiyama Touchdown,
[11:26] Jessie
    and we're going to send a comedy tornado...
[11:28] Chitose
    At this rate, they might not even make it.
SIGN    Green Room
[11:31] Kana
    Oh, no!
[11:32] Misao
    They're on last, so they
    still have some time.
[11:36] Yuina
    Saeka-san! Can't you send them
    a helicopter or something?
[11:39] Saeka
    It's impossible. It would take
    too much time to arrange.
[11:43] Chihori
    There aren't any UFOs available, either.
[11:45] Mako
    Then let's ask them to delay!
[11:47] Hikari
    That's right. If we talk
    to the management...
[11:51] Seiji
    That won't work.
[11:53] Seiji
    The main event broadcast
    starts right afterward.
[11:56] Seiji
    The schedule is locked in.
[11:58] Kana
    I know, but this is too unfair!
[12:00] Kana
    Yayoi-chan kept saying she wanted to
    go to the main event with everyone.
[12:04] Kana
    But now...
[12:13] Yuzu
    If we catch the next train, we might make it.
[12:16] Yayoi
    Let's hurry!
[12:17] Yuzu; Yomogi
    Yeah!
[12:19] Steward
    Please be careful!
[12:28] Ringo
    So I told 'em to cut it out and...
SIGN    Michinoku Blizzard
[12:32] Yuina
    They're already on the fourth team.
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
[12:38] Udon
    Pon, are ya ready?
[12:51] Yayoi
    We made it!
[12:52] Yuzu
    I'm out of breath.
[12:54] Yomogi
    We should just barely make it in time.
[12:59] Yuzu
    I wonder how the comeback round is going.
[13:02] Yayoi
    Let's check.
[13:04] Yomogi
    Chochune, Michinoku Blizzard,
[13:06] Yomogi
    and then The Fore Seasons and
    Fujiyama Touchdown, was it?
[13:10] Yomogi
    How're those guys doing?
SIGN    Chochune
[13:12] Yuzu
    They seemed really funny,
    with their costumes and stuff.
SIGN    Michinoku
SIGN    Blizzard
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
SIGN    Fujiyama Touchdown
SIGN    Teppen
    Grand Prix
SIGN    Comeback Round
     Tentative Ranking
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Tonkotsu Busters
[13:15] Yayoi
    Who's in first? Never heard of this trio.
SIGN    Comeback Round
SIGN    Audience Votes
[13:18] Yuzu
    And the four teams we met...
[13:20] Yuzu
    Huh?
SIGN    C
    H
    O
    C
    H
    U
    N
    E
SIGN    B
    E
    A
    C
    H
     
    T
    I
    M
    E
SIGN    F
    U
    J
    I
    Y
    A
    M
    A
SIGN    T
    O
    U
    C
    H
    D
    O
    W
    N
SIGN    M
    I
    C
    H
    I
    N
    O
    K
    U
SIGN    B
    L
    I
    Z
    Z
    A
    R
    D
SIGN    T
    H
    E
     
    F
    O
    R
    E
     
    S
    E
    A
    S
    O
    N
    S
[13:21] Yomogi
    They're bombing!
[13:22] Yomogi
    That can't be right!
[13:24] Yomogi
    They came out swinging like they were
    supposed to be the tough opponents!
[13:28] Yomogi
    They even got their own introduction scenes!
[13:31] Yuzu
    What was the point of them acting so cocky?
[13:33] Yayoi
    I guess they only looked funny.
[13:37] Yomogi
    What now?
[13:40] Announcer
    Due to a regional power outage,
    we must make a temporary stop.
[13:44] Announcer
    We apologize for the inconvenience.
[13:49] Police
    You rerouted all of the
    power in the city? Why?
[13:53] Interpreter
    In the story, the super rifle
    needs that much power to shoot.
[13:58] Police
    But you can't do it for real!
[14:00] Police
    You caused a power outage!
[14:02] Yayoi
    How long does "temporary" mean?
[14:04] Yomogi
    Temporary means temporary.
[14:07] Yomogi
    But there's no way we'll make it now.
[14:09] Yayoi
    Then let's get off here!
[14:11] Yuzu
    We can't. Look.
[14:13] Yuzu
    We're on a bridge!
[14:15] MC
    Next is entry number 8, Hyakumangoku Manju!
SIGN    Hyakumangoku Manju
SIGN    Hyakumangoku Manju
[14:19] All three
    Hello! We're Hyakumangoku Manju!
[14:20] Chitose
    Oh, come on. Aren't they here yet?
[14:36] Yomogi
    That's it. We'll never make it now.
[14:39] Yuzu
    We let everyone at Takako-so down.
[14:42] Yuzu
    After they did so much to encourage us...
[14:44] Yomogi
    Unbelievable. Disqualified for being late...
[14:48] Yuzu
    Yayoi?
[14:50] Yayoi
    That was so fun!
[14:51] Yuzu; Yomogi
    Huh?
[14:52] Yayoi
    Oh, sorry.
[14:53] Yayoi
    I'm really sad and frustrated, too.
[14:56] Yayoi
    But when I realized it was over and
    thought about everything we did...
[15:01] Yayoi
    "It was so much fun!"
[15:03] Yayoi
    That was all I could think about.
[15:06] Yomogi
    How can you say that at a time like this?
[15:08] Yayoi
    Yeah, I know. I'm sorry!
[15:10] Yomogi
    It really was a lot of fun, though.
[15:13] Yomogi
    Especially when we were in Takako-so.
[15:15] Yomogi
    I felt like we were laughing the whole time.
[15:17] Yuzu
    That's right. I had fun, too.
[15:20] Yuzu
    Everyone at Takako-so was such a character.
[15:22] Yuzu
    At first, I didn't think we'd get along.
[15:25] Yayoi
    You were worried about that?
[15:27] Yuzu
    Well, yeah.
[15:28] Yuzu
    When I met Miyu-chan,
    she handed me a natto bean,
[15:31] Yuzu
    and said, "Here, a sign of friendship."
[15:33] Yomogi
    "A clean vote for Ibaraki!"
    Sayin' stuff like that.
[15:36] Yomogi
    But my vote's worth more
    than one slimy natto bean!
[15:40] Yomogi
    It ain't even close to a fair trade.
[15:42] Yuzu
    When she got in a fight with Kana-chan,
    she whipped out the natto and yelled, "eat it!"
[15:47] Yomogi
    I get that a lot of Kansai
    folks don't like natto,
[15:50] Yomogi
    but she used it like a
    crucifix against Dracula!
[15:53] Yomogi
    Is that what she thinks
    of her local cuisine?
[15:55] Yayoi
    And then Kana-chan almost turned to dust.
[15:57] Yomogi
    No, she didn't!
SIGN    Peach Robot
SIGN    These three girls on the train are so funny
[15:58] Yomogi
    If natto made Kansai folks evaporate,
    there'd be tragedies all over Osaka!
SIGN    Miyapi #9/25 Fukuoka
SIGN    I've seen them somewhere before
[16:03] Yomogi
    You gonna make us all go extinct?!
SIGN    Yukki
SIGN    They're right in front of me!!
[16:05] Yayoi
    Extinction would suck!
    I love Osaka and Kansai!
[16:09] Yomogi
    Well, I'm glad to hear that.
[16:10] Yayoi
    People in Kansai are all
    funny, warm, bipedal,
[16:15] Yayoi
    omnivorous, and don't have tails!
[16:18] Yomogi
    Are you comparing us to dinosaurs?
[16:20] Yomogi
    Who the heck jokes about the Reiwa Era
     and the Cretaceous Period together?
[16:23] Yuzu
    We were talking about extinction, so
    your mind went to dinosaurs, right?
[16:26] Yuzu
    But don't worry. Even if a giant asteroid
    fell, the people of Kansai would repel it!
SIGN    Ohapi
    Laughing so hard
    my stomach hurts!
SIGN    Nobuyasu
    
     Hold on.
     Young Wai-Wai is hilarious!
     And cute! They're great!
SIGN    YY King
    
     In Kansai they do manzai on trains! lol
SIGN    Too funny, I can't! lol
    Please, not on the train! lol
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai are too cute to be this funny!
[16:31] Yomogi
    These Kansai folk aren't just for show...
SIGN    Kuma Bear
    
     A normal conversation turns into manzai
     They must really love comedy!
SIGN    ...on the show??
[16:33] Yomogi
    Forget that! The glow of Naniwa hearts
    won't make a miracle happen!
SIGN    Taper Taro
    
     They're doing manzai in the wild! lol
SIGN    Glasses Ryutaro
    
     Hilarious! I could watch this forever!
SIGN    Phone Light Kid
    
     The girl on the right has crazy comebacks!
SIGN    Huh? Young Wai-Wai!
    I've seen them on TV
SIGN    The girls from the show in the park
SIGN    LOL
SIGN    Fish-Fish Master
    
     They're performing on the train?
SIGN    Teppen
    Grand Prix
SIGN    Comeback Round
     Entries
SIGN    Chochune
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Fujiyama Touchdown
SIGN    Michinoku Blizzard
SIGN    The Fore Seasons
SIGN    Tonkotsu Busters
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Hyakumangoku Manju
SIGN    Mixed Vegetables
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[16:37] Ahn Mika
    We're down to the last team
    in the comeback round!
[16:40] Ahn Mika
    And yet...
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[16:42] Ahn Mika
    it seems that the last team,
    Young Wai-Wai, have not arrived.
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[16:54] Ahn Mika
    Unfortunately, we'll have...
[16:56] Ahn Mika
    to dis—
SIGN    Look at the votes!
[16:57] Ahn Mika
    Huh?
[16:58] Ahn Mika
    Check the votes?
SIGN    Comeback Round
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[17:01] Ahn Mika
    Is this...?
[17:02] Ahn Mika
    What does this mean? Even though
    they haven't performed,
[17:05] Ahn Mika
    Young Wai-Wai is raking in the votes!
[17:08] Hina
    How?
SIGN    Comeback Round
[17:10] Yomogi
    That's why you can't put Kansai
    folk in a blast furnace!
[17:13] All
    What?
[17:15] Mako
    What? What? What is happening?
[17:17] Yayoi
    Yay! I don't know why, but
    we're being recorded!
SIGN    Kansai folk in a blast furnace??   It's Young whatever!   They get my vote   gimme deets   lol
[17:20] Yuzu
    Like a live stream?
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
    
     Huh? On the train???
    
     they're from the comeback round
[17:22] Yomogi
    So what? There's enough of us to go around.
[17:24] Yayoi
    Hey, will you make my eyes
    sparkly and my nose pointier?
SIGN    JK cute   funny
SIGN    funny
    
     who the heck
    
     vote! vote! vote! vote!
    
     I've seen them before
    
     don't put effects on the pink girl lol
[17:28] Yomogi
    Don't put filters on the video!
[17:29] Yuzu
    I don't need all that, but would
    you mind giving me a halo?
[17:33] Yomogi
    You trying to look holy?
[17:36] Yomogi
    That's even more egotistical!
[17:37] Ahn Mika
    It seems like the live stream is going viral,
    and the people watching are casting votes.
SIGN    Comeback Round
[17:44] Ahn Mika
    But is this allowed?
[17:47] Yayoi
    Doesn't it seem like Chitose-chan likes
    tsukkomi too much and gets carried away?
[17:52] Yuzu
    When she came back with, "What
    kind of sun rises like that?"
[17:54] Yuzu
    I thought she'd peaked.
[17:56] Iroha
    Young Wai-Wai is still gaining points!
[17:59] Kana
    Go! Go!
[18:00] Yayoi
    When I called Ibaraki "Ibaragi" once,
     Hina-chan in Akudare Kingdom
[18:04] Yayoi
    blinked a death threat at me in Morse code.
[18:08] Miyu
    Go for it!
[18:10] Yuzu
    Around Takako-so,
[18:11] Yuzu
    there are so many UFOs
    appearing all the time,
[18:13] Yuzu
    it's practically a sci-fi pilgrimage site.
[18:16] Yayoi
    I heard Saeka-san in Celebri-Tea
    paid for those UFOs.
[18:20] Yomogi
    Has she paid off the entire galaxy?
SIGN    Mixed Vegetables
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[18:24] Saeka
    Keep going!
[18:25] Yayoi
    According to Yuina-chan in Invaders,
[18:27] Yayoi
    space aliens that used to be all
    silver are starting to turn yellow.
[18:31] Yomogi
    The stress of intergalactic
    ambition is aging their skin!
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Beach Time
[18:36] Yuina; Mone; Chihori
    Go!
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Hyakumangoku Manju
SIGN    Mixed Vegetables
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[18:39] Yomogi
    Yeah, you said it!
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Beach Time
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Comeback Round
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
SIGN    Three Silly Sisters
SIGN    Beach Time
[18:45] Miyu
    They did it!
[18:48] Announcer
    Thank you for your patience.
[18:50] Announcer
    Train operation will now resume.
[18:52] Master Frog
    Invalid! They aren't even at the venue!
[18:56] Master Kokeshi
    And those aren't real gags!
[18:57] Master Frog
    No matter how many votes they received,
    we cannot endorse this result!
[19:01] Seiji
    I hate to disagree, but...
[19:02] Master Moai
    What is it, code name: Muscle?
[19:05] Seiji
    Our predecessors were once told the
    same thing by their superiors.
[19:09] Seiji
    "You're just punks making small talk."
     "This isn't even comedy."
[19:13] Seiji
    But afterward, those same people went on
    to shine as legends in the world of comedy.
[19:19] Master Frog
    What are you trying to say?
[19:22] Seiji
    The old shouldn't limit the
    possibilities of the young.
[19:24] Seiji
    If it's funny, isn't that enough?
[19:29] Yomogi
    Aw, we didn't make it after all.
[19:32] Yayoi
    Yeah.
[19:33] Yuzu
    Too bad.
[19:40] Yuzu
    Barbra-san?
[19:42] Yayoi
    How?
[19:43] Barbra
    You can still make it. Get in!
[19:46] Yayoi
    Takada-san!
[19:51] All three
    Thanks!
[19:54] Ahn Mika
    Following the solo and duo competitions,
    we now bring you trios!
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
[19:58] Ahn Mika
    Funny faces from across Japan will compete
[20:00] Ahn Mika
    for the number one spot in
    this historic competition!
[20:03] Ahn Mika
    We'll see who is strong enough to reach
    the top—the Teppen—of comedy
[20:06] Ahn Mika
    in the Teppen Grand Prix!
[20:08] Ahn Mika
    The show is about to begin!
[20:11] Ahn Mika
    But before we start the main event, let's
    announce the results of the comeback round.
[20:16] Ahn Mika
    The team who passed the comeback round is...
[20:19] Ahn Mika
    Three Silly Sisters!
[20:21] Ahn Mika
    Only one team can advance
    from the comeback round.
[20:35] Ahn Mika
    However, this year, there is an exception!
[20:39] Ahn Mika
    The Teppen Grand Prix management
    committee has decided that,
SIGN    Teppen Grand Prix
[20:42] Ahn Mika
    since they received an
    unprecedented number of votes,
[20:44] Ahn Mika
    one more trio will be given
    special permission to perform.
[20:48] Ahn Mika
    Let's welcome them to the stage!
[20:51] Ahn Mika
    Young Wai-Wai!
[21:23] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[21:27] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[21:34] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[21:37] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[21:40] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[21:42] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[21:45] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[21:51] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:00] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:03] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:06] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:11] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:14] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:17] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[22:20] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[22:23] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:27] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:28] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[22:34] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[22:40] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
[22:53] Yayoi
    And that's it! We had so much fun.
[22:55] Yuzu
    We had so much fun that we
    can't talk about it all now.
[22:58] Yuzu
    To be continued online!
[22:59] Yomogi
    Let's talk now! I've never seen a
    commercial say "to be continued online"
[23:02] Yomogi
    and then link to anything even
    remotely worth watching!
[23:04] Yuzu
    Oh, I know!
[23:06] Yuzu
    We can stick QR codes to our clothes
    and let people watch our gags online.
[23:09] Yuzu
    Then all we have to do is stand still!
[23:12] Yomogi
    Just get mannequins for that!
[23:14] Yomogi
    That isn't why we're here!
[23:15] Yuzu
    I guess you're right.
    If we're gonna be on stage,
[23:18] Yuzu
    we should be joking and making
    the audience here laugh.
[23:21] Yomogi
    Right? When the audience laughs,
     we all have a blast.
[23:24] Yayoi
    Yeah! Yeah!
[23:25] Yayoi
    We laugh, you laugh,
[23:27] Yayoi
    and when everyone has a smile on their face,
     then we're all at the Teppen!
[23:30] All three
    Yeah!
SIGN    The End.
SIGN    Teppen!!!         !!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Illustration: Namamugi
SIGN    Thank you for watching!!!