E13 - No Way, Why Is It So Big... / You Mustn't Touch That...
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN Mikazuki Temple
SIGN Extra 1
No Way, Why Is It So Big...
[01:33] Akagami
Wh-Wh-What...
[01:36] Yuzuki
Wh-Wh-What...
SIGN Mikazuki Temple
[01:39] Both
What the heck is this?!
[01:43] Akagami
Huh? What? What's happening?
[01:47] Akagami
Is this Akagami-kun's body?
[01:49] Akagami
What's going on?
[01:50] Akagami
When I woke up,
I was inside Akagami-kun's body.
[01:54] Akagami
I'm not dreaming.
[02:01] Akagami
No way... Why is it so big?
[02:04] Akagami
But I'm not thinking any dirty thoughts.
[02:08] Yuzuki
I-I'm inside Yuzuki-san's body?
[02:11] Yuzuki
Her boo—
[02:14] Yuzuki
Worldly thoughts, begone!
[02:16] Yuzuki
No, I mustn't hurt Yuzuki-san's precious face.
[02:20] Yuzuki
She's so beautiful.
[02:23] Yuzuki
But how can I fix this?
[02:29] Akagami
Kurage?
[02:32] Kurage
Akagami-san.
[02:34] Kurage
Let's get married.
[02:37] Kurage
Everyone will have to acknowledge
our relationship then.
[02:39] Akagami
W-W-Wait...
[02:45] Kurage
Checkmate, Akagami-san.
[02:48] Akagami
Wait, wait, wait!
[02:50] Kurage
Kurage-san is still just a child.
[02:52] Kurage
If people found out you were doing
this with her, you'd be finished.
[02:58] Akagami
I said wait!
[03:00] Kurage
My, my. I can't believe you're
letting Kurage-san do this to you.
[03:04] Kurage
You lolicon.
[03:07] Akagami
Oh, no!
[03:09] Kurage
What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.
[03:12] Akagami
Is that you, Kagura?
SIGN Mikazuki Temple
[03:17] Kurage
It seems we've all swapped bodies.
[03:21] Akagami
Is that even possible?
[03:23] Kurage
It's happening right now.
[03:25] Akagmi
I wonder what caused it.
[03:27] Kurage
The cause, huh?
[03:30] (Flashback) Yuzuki
Incense?
[03:32] (Flashback) Kagura
Yes, I had the Baldwin family send it here.
[03:35] (Flashback) Tsukuyo
It looks kind of sketchy.
[03:37] (Flashback) Kagura
Let's try burning it.
[03:41] Kurage
I was just trying to turn
Mia-san into a sexy perv, but...
[03:46] Kagami
So this was your fault, Kagura?
[03:48] Kurage
Tee-hee.
[03:49] Akagami
In any case, we need to find the others.
[03:52] Akagami
They probably need help.
[03:56] Yuzuki
I can't stay here forever.
[03:58] Yuzuki
I'll get changed and make
myself look like Yuzuki-san...
[04:02] Yuzuki
No bra?!
[04:10] Mia
I'm an adult.
[04:18] Mia
So mature and sexy.
SIGN Recording
[04:22] Mia
Akagami-san, look at me.
[04:42] Akagami
Kurage?
[04:44] Akagami
You're Kurage, aren't you?
[04:45] Kurage
Make sure you save that video, please.
[04:49] Mia
It's me. What a strange feeling.
[04:53] Kurage
I've never seen Mia-san
act like this before, either.
[04:56] Akagami
Kurage, we're holding a family meeting later.
[04:59] Mia
Yuzuki-oneechan?
[05:00] Akagami
I think this calls for an apology.
[05:04] Mia
But I'm Mia-chan right now.
[05:06] Akagami
I see. I suppose it can't be helped, then.
[05:10] Akagami
Mia did mention that she's on a diet.
[05:13] Akagami
It's a shame, since we received that tasty
yokan from one of our temple's supporters.
[05:18] Mia
Yokan?
[05:22] Akagami
Taking dirty videos of
yourself really isn't okay.
[05:25] Mia
I'm sorry.
[05:27] Akagami
Good girl. Now, let's erase this vid—
[05:32] Kurage
That was my scream.
[05:37] Yuzuki
There's always a solution.
[05:38] Yuzuki
This will allow me to undress
without looking at myself.
[05:45] Yuzuki
Oh, no!
[05:48] Kurage
My, my.
[05:50] Kagura
Kiki-san, please stop.
[05:55] Akagami
Nyagosuke?
[05:57] Kurage
I see. So Kiki-san swapped with Nyagosuke.
[05:58] Kagura
Kiki-san...
[06:00] Kagura
Kiki-san, no...
[06:01] Akagami
Is that you, Tsukuyo?
[06:05] Akagami
You're Tsukuyo, right?
[06:08] Kagura
Don't look!
[06:12] Kagura
You'll pay for this!
[06:14] Akagami
Why are you mad at me?
[06:16] Nyagosuke
Good grief. What a ruckus.
[06:19] Akagami
It spoke!
[06:20] Nyagosuke
What's wrong with a talking cat?
[06:22] Mia
Nothing. Nyagosuke is cute.
[06:25] Nyagosuke
I am Kiki.
[06:27] Mia
There, there.
[06:28] Nyagosuke
I am Kiki!
[06:30] Mia
Let's get you some milk.
[06:33] Nyagosuke
I'd prefer sake.
[06:35] Kurage
For her, I mean.
[06:42] Nyagosuke
That's rather sexy, if I do say so myself.
[06:44] Mia
Nyagosuke goes to sleep after drinking milk,
so we can leave him alone for a while.
[06:49] Kurage
Let's look for the others in the meantime.
[06:53] Akagami
Wait.
[06:55] Kurage
What is it?
[06:56] Akagami
Well, um...
[07:00] Kagura/Id
I ran without thinking about it, but it's
possible Akagami's swapped with someone, too.
[07:14] Kagura
What are you doing?
[07:16] Akagami
How do I do this?
[07:21] Yuzuki
I'll never get anywhere
unless I do something about this.
[07:24] Yuzuki
I must get dressed quickly.
[07:25] Yuzuki
Which clothes would make
Yuzuki-san look the most beautiful?
[07:30] Yuzuki
A kimono?
[07:30] Yuzuki
But a kimono would involve...
[07:34] Yuzuki
Changing my bottoms...
[07:35] Yuzuki
Oh, no!
[07:38] Tsukuyo/Id
It's just my imagination.
[07:40] Tsukuyo/Id
This is definitely just a
trick of my imagination.
[07:44] Tsukuyo/Id
It's real!
[07:46] Akagami
Mia?
[07:49] Akagami
You're Mia, right?
[07:51] Tsukuyo
Is that you, Yuzuki-san?
[07:54] Akagami
I'm glad nothing terrible has happened to you.
[07:56] Tsukuyo
Does this mean you've all swapped, too?
[08:00] Tsukuyo
It's me...
[08:02] Mia
I'm Kurage.
[08:03] Kurage
I'm Kagura.
[08:06] Tsukuyo
What are those for?
[08:07] Kurage
Handling hazardous materials.
[08:10] Nyagosuke
Damn you for being so robust!
[08:13] Akagami
Kiki-san...
[08:14] Tsukuyo
Master, could you cat slap me, too?
[08:18] Kagura
Don't! That's my body!
[08:20] Mia
What's robust?
[08:22] Kagura
Don't worry about it, Kurage.
[08:24] Akagami
More importantly, we need
to find everyone quickly!
[08:27] Akagami
Who haven't we found yet?
[08:29] Kagura
Yuzu-nee herself!
[08:31] Kagura
She's in serious trouble since
she swapped with Akagami.
[08:34] Kurage
Maybe Akagami-san's in
the bathroom right now.
[08:39] Yuzuki
If I clear my mind of mundane thoughts,
I should be able to ignore my worldly thoughts.
[08:42] Yuzuki
I'm not Akagami Akemitsu
right now. I'm Yuzuki-san.
[08:47] Yuzuki
Yuzuki-san, the world's most wonderful woman.
[08:49] Yuzuki
I never experience the shadow
of a worldly thought.
[08:53] Kurage
You're pervy too, Yuzuki-oneechan.
[08:55] Yuzuki
Not right now, Kurage-san!
[08:57] Kurage
You secret perv.
[09:03] Yuzuki
I don't think so, worldly thoughts.
[09:15] Mia
Huh?
[09:16] Kagura
My, my.
[09:17] Kurage
I'm not mature or sexy anymore.
[09:19] Akagami
Which means...
[09:21] Tsukuyo
We're back to normal?
[09:24] Kiki
Hey, kids.
[09:26] Mia
Master?
[09:27] Kiki
Well? Is everyone back to normal?
[09:30] Tsukuyo
What about you?
[09:32] Tsukuyo
She's still got some cat in her.
[09:34] Kurage
Meow, meow.
[09:36] Kiki
Hey, cut that out.
[09:37] Kagura
If the effects expire
after some time has passed,
[09:40] Kagura
then I must give some more
thought to how to use it.
[09:46] Tsukuyo
Wait. Akagami, where's Yuzu-nee?
[09:49] Tsukuyo
You swapped bodies with Yuzu-nee, right?
[09:52] Tsukuyo
Then you must know where she is.
[09:55] Akagami
Well, actually, um...
[09:59] Akagami
I was in Yuzuki-san's room this whole time.
[10:02] Tsukuyo
Let's go, everyone.
[10:04] Akagami
N-No, wait!
[10:11] Akagami
I gave up on getting dressed, and in order
to suppress my worldly desires, I...
[10:16] Yuzuki
Is everyone out there? Are we back to normal?
[10:19] Yuzuki
It's pitch-black! And why can't I move?
[10:23] Akagami
Yuzuki-san, I'm sorry!
[10:29] Yuzuki
What?!
SIGN Mikazuki Temple
SIGN Pearls before swine, sutras before cats
SIGN Extra 2
You Mustn't Touch That...
[10:59] Akagami
What?!
[11:02] Akagami
Kiki-san?
[11:03] Kiki
Do you believe in God?
[11:06] Akagami
God? But we run a temple.
This can't be good.
[11:10] Kiki
You may kiss the bride.
[11:12] Akagami
You want me to what?!
[11:17] Akagami
Is that you, Yuzuki-san?
[11:20] Kiki
In sickness and in health,
may the Buddha always be with you.
[11:34] Hoan
I'd like to have about ten kids.
[11:38] Hoan
Mikazuki Temple shall be closed immediately!
[11:50] Hoan
Don't waste your time.
[11:51] Hoan
Un-horse-tunately, there are no
knights here to ride to your defense.
[11:55] Kagura
There's one right here.
[12:05] Akagami
Kagura-san!
[12:13] Hoan
Get her!
[12:42] Kagura
Uggy...
[12:44] Akagami
Uggy?
[12:45] Kagura
It's short for "Ugh, kill them."
[12:47] Akagami
I see! I won't allow that to happen!
[12:52] Kagura
Wow!
[12:57] Kagura
My, my.
[12:58] Akagami
Let's run for it.
[13:09] Akagami
Which way?
[13:13] Akagami
Kagura-san, where are we going?
[13:16] Kagura
Hold on tight!
[13:29] Akagami
Where are we?
[13:31] Kagura
On the moon, of course.
[13:33] Akagami
What?!
[13:36] Kagura
No one will interrupt us here.
[13:40] Kagura
It's time to pay up.
[13:43] Akagami
W-We mustn't, Kagura-san!
I'm not that kind of—
[13:50] Kagura
Poke.
[13:50] Akagami
Hey!
[14:21] Tsukuyo
Akagami, are you okay?
[14:44] Akagami
Tsukuyo-san?
[14:45] Tsukuyo
You don't have to pay for that kiss.
[14:47] Tsukuyo
That was just mouth-to-mouth.
[14:49] Akagami
What are you talking about?
[14:52] Tsukuyo
Forget it. Anyway, why
don't we swim together?
[14:54] Akagami
Sounds nice.
[15:24] Tsukuyo
That was fun.
[15:25] Akagami
Yes.
[15:28] Tsukuyo
Akagami?
[15:29] Akagami
Tsukuyo-san, your, um... breasts...
[15:39] Tsukuyo
Hey, Akagami...
[15:40] Akagami
Y-Yes?
[15:41] Tsukuyo
Look at me.
[15:43] Akagami
But...
[15:43] Tsukuyo
Just do it.
[15:46] Tsukuyo
There.
[15:47] Akagami
You can take that off?!
[15:55] Tsukuyo
Don't avert your eyes, Akagami.
[15:58] Akagami
Tsukuyo-san...
[15:59] Tsukuyo
Hold me tight. Please.
[16:05] Akagami
Quicksand?!
[16:06] Tsukuyo
Akagami...
[16:17] Akagami
Where am I?
[16:18] Kurage
A room in a castle.
[16:19] Kurage
The kind you sometimes see
on the side of major roadways.
[16:25] Akagami
Kurage-san, those aren't castles.
[16:28] Kurage
I'll accommodate your tastes.
[16:30] Akagami
What?
SIGN Kurage
[16:38] Kurage
Well?
[16:41] Kurage
Or do you prefer this?
[16:49] Kurage
You're a lolicon, after all.
[16:52] Akagami
I'm not, though!
[16:56] Kurage
Here's a special treat.
[16:58] Akagami
Huh?
[17:00] Akagami
What?
[17:02] Akagami
What?!
[17:08] Akagami
Kurage-san turned into an adult?!
[17:11] Kurage
This is in the way.
[17:13] Akagami
W-W-Wait...
[17:15] Akagami
Wait!
[17:18] Kurage
Kaboom.
[17:23] Akagami
Kurage-san, we mustn't!
[17:25] Kurage
Why not? I'm an adult.
[17:28] Akagami
Even adults should only do this
with someone they truly love.
[17:31] Kurage
But I truly love you, Akagami-san.
[17:37] Mia
Akagami!
[17:39] Akagami
Now Mia-san's here?!
[17:40] Mia
Save the excuses!
[17:42] Mia
You shall be judged by Hyakunin Isshu!
[17:44] Akagami
And her character
development has been undone!
[17:46] Akagami
Wait! This is dangerous!
[17:46] Mia
Wait! Stop running!
[17:50] Tsukuyo
You've got this, Akagami!
[17:51] Kagura
Keep it up, Mia-san!
[17:53] Akagami
What's going on here?
[17:55] Akagami
This series of events has
been chaotic from the start...
[17:59] Akagami
Kiki-san?!
[18:01] Akagami
I'm sorry, I—
[18:02] Akagami
Why are you undressing, too?!
[18:04] Kiki
It's not fan service unless I undress, too.
[18:07] Kiki
Come on. Don't be shy.
[18:10] Akagami
Worldly thoughts, be—
[18:14] Mia
Gotcha.
[18:22] Akagami
Where am I?
SIGN Post-Penance
Pleasure Room
[18:23] Mia
Akagami.
SIGN Post-Penance
Pleasure Room
[18:26] Mia
Do you perhaps enjoy this kind of thing?
[18:28] Kagura
It's BDSM penance.
SIGN Blessings of Dreamlike
and Surreal Madness
BDSM
[18:31] Akagami
It's certainly a type of penance...
[18:35] Mia
Prepare yourself.
[18:37] Kagura
Mia-san, be careful with that open flame.
[18:39] Mia
I know.
[18:40] Akagami
No, no, no!
[18:46] Akagami
Huh? It's not actually that hot.
[18:48] Mia
It's called a low-temperature candle.
[18:50] Mia
It's a specialty product that
allows you to safely
[18:53] Mia
enjoy wax play without burning your partner.
[18:54] Akagami
Why do you know so much about that?!
[18:56] Yuzuki
Mia! Kagura!
[19:00] Akagami
Yuzuki-san?!
[19:01] Yuzuki
Look at you, Akagami-kun. You're all dirty.
[19:09] Mia
Perhaps you could scrape the
wax off with your fingernails.
[19:12] Kagura
Let's wait until we've
dripped wax on more places.
[19:14] Akagami
Please, no!
[19:16] Yuzuki
Then why don't we wash you off in the bath?
[19:19] Akagami
Together?!
[19:28] Yuzuki
How is this, Akagami-kun?
[19:33] Tsukuyo
This is so embarrassing.
[19:35] Kurage
Adult bodies are so much fun.
[19:39] Mia
What am I supposed to wash, exactly?
[19:42] Kagura
Calm down and feel around with
your hands. You'll figure it out.
[19:45] Akagami
I-I don't think hitting myself will
save me from these worldly thoughts.
[19:51] Kiki
How does it feel to be in paradise?
[19:54] Akagami
Clear your mind,
clear your mind, clear your mind,
[19:57] Akagami
clear your mind, clear your mind, clear your—
[20:12] Mia
No!
[20:13] Kiki
Stop!
[20:15] Kagura
Oh, no.
[20:18] Akagami
Those tentacles are preying upon
you in a most indecent manner!
[20:21] Yuzuki
Akagami-kun, save us!
[20:23] Akagami
One moment! I'll be right—
[20:33] Akagami
Who wants to see this?!
[20:37] Kagura
Such an unsightly turtle head.
[20:40] Akagami
Just kill me already.
[20:42] Kagura
I won't go that far, but...
[21:08] Yuzuki
Akagami-kun seems to be in a lot of pain.
[21:11] Kiki
It kind of looks like he's enjoying himself.
[21:13] Tsukuyo
How? He's stuck in bed with a fever.
[21:16] Mia
I can't believe he suddenly
got sick and collapsed.
[21:20] Kurage
Akagami-san...
[21:22] Yuzuki
Don't worry. The doctor who came said it's
just a cold, and he'll get better with rest.
[21:29] Akagami
Ladies...
[21:31] Akagami
You mustn't touch that...
[21:34] Kagura
I wonder what he's dreaming about.
[21:36] Kurage
If Akagami-san starts sweating,
should we wipe his body clean again?
[21:41] Yuzuki
What?
[21:45] Mia
That was something we had to do together.
[21:50] Mia
Right, Kagura?
[21:52] Kurage
Akagami-san's body looked
just like I learned in health class.
[21:59] Kiki
You're such a good student, Kurage.
[22:01] Yuzuki
In any case, let's not tell Akagami-kun
[22:04] Yuzuki
we wiped every last centimeter
of his body when he wakes up.
[22:08] Yuzuki
Okay?
[22:11] Kurage
Can I write about it in my illustrated diary?
[22:13] Yuzuki
No!
[22:16] Akagami
Worldly thoughts, begone...