# E40 - Otto Suwen / A Reason to Believe
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G4VUQ3D5D/otto-suwen--a-reason-to-believe)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Garfiel**
"Instead"?!
**[00:04] Otto**
Yes.
**[00:05] Garfiel**
Where's the old hag?
**[00:06] Otto**
I couldn't foresee what would happen,
**[00:08] ---**
so I had her go elsewhere.
**[00:10] Garfiel**
And what the hell are you still doin' here?
**[00:13] Garfiel**
You wanna "talk things over," but the
one you wanna talk to ain't even here!
**[00:16] Otto**
That's true.
**[00:17] Otto**
So I guess we'll just say I'm buying time so a
certain boy and girl can be alone for a while.
**[00:24] Garfiel**
Oh, really?!
**[00:29] Garfiel**
You ain't got what it takes, small fry.
**[00:37] Garfiel**
The stone—
**[00:43] ---**
Damn it...
**[00:46] Otto**
Is this what you're looking for?
**[00:49] Otto**
A merchant always keeps one step ahead
to ascertain his chances of success,
**[00:54] Otto**
and that's what I am.
**[00:56] Garfiel**
You piece of...
**[00:59] Otto**
I've never had very many human friends,
**[01:03] Otto**
but I made lots of non-human
friends instead.
**[01:07] Otto**
The entire forest is against you now.
**[01:09] Otto**
Enjoy this welcome from
the zodda bugs first!
**[01:15] Garfiel**
Damn it... Damn it!
**[01:17] Garfiel**
Damn it!
**[01:31] Otto**
*When I was a young boy,*
**[01:34] Otto**
*the world was a hellish cradle.*
**[01:39] Otto**
* No matter where I went,*
* I heard endless voices,*
**[01:42] Otto**
* but had no idea what any*
* of them were saying.*
**[01:46] Otto**
* At that age, I had no way to know that*
* this was the blessing I was born with,*
**[01:51] Otto**
*the "soul of language" divine protection.*
**[01:55] Bro**
Wait up!
**[02:00] Mom**
Otto, what are you doing?
**[02:04] Mom**
You're not going to play with them?
**[02:08] Otto**
* My parents tried their hardest*
* to understand my abnormality,*
**[02:13] Otto**
* but any who don't have a divine*
* protection can never understand.*
**[02:35] Bro**
Otto, try writing it.
**[02:43] Otto**
*It was my brother, seven years my senior,*
**[02:46] Otto**
* who realized that written words might*
* bring about that understanding*
**[02:50] Otto**
*when spoken words couldn't.*
**[03:16] Mom**
Otto...
**[03:29] Otto**
* That may have been the first time*
* I'd cried out since I was born.*
**[03:38] Otto**
*Then when I turned ten...*
**[03:54] Bug**
Big... light... went... that way...
**[03:57] Otto**
* Those meaningless voices started to*
* transform into sounds with meaning.*
**[04:02] Bro**
You can understand what animals say?
**[04:04] Otto**
Yeah.
**[04:08] Bug**
Rain... fall soon. Rain soon.
**[04:11] Otto**
They say it's going to rain soon.
**[04:13] Bro**
Huh?
**[04:22] Bro**
Otto, that's an amazing power.
**[04:25] Bro**
And because it's so amazing,
**[04:26] ---**
you shouldn't talk to zodda
bugs when people are around.
**[04:30] Otto**
Why not?
**[04:31] Bro**
Divine protections are blessings
granted by this world,
**[04:34] Bro**
but there are people who would
try to take advantage of it.
**[04:36] Bro**
You have to keep your power hidden.
**[04:40] Otto**
That's why I can't talk to you around
other people anymore, Fulfew.
**[04:45] Fulfew**
I understand, Young Master.
**[04:47] Kid**
Liar!
**[04:49] Kid**
Liar! Liar!
**[04:50] Kid**
You're just a liar!
**[04:51] Kid**
We know it's all lies!
**[04:52] Kid**
You're so lying!
**[04:53] Bro**
I'm not lying!
**[04:55] Bro**
My big brother Otto can talk to animals!
**[04:59] Bro**
Can't you, Otto?!
**[05:20] Kid**
It's true!
**[05:21] Kid**
Zodda bugs!
**[05:26] Guy**
Oh, no! Zodda bugs!
**[05:33] Kid**
You zodda bug freak!
**[05:38] Otto**
*After that, I sealed my divine protection*
**[05:41] Otto**
*and swore never to use it again.*
**[05:46] Otto**
*Then when I was fifteen...*
**[05:50] Guy**
You son of a bitch! I know
you were with my girlfriend!
**[05:54] Otto**
W-Wait a—
**[05:55] Guy**
Shut the hell up, you zodda bug freak!
**[05:58] Otto**
Zodda bug... freak?
**[06:02] Otto**
I'm gonna find out the truth!
**[06:06] Dog**
I saw.
**[06:33] Otto**
I know the truth!
**[06:34] Otto**
You're the eighth guy she's been with!
**[06:38] Girl**
You jerk!
**[06:41] Girl**
Someone kill him!
**[06:47] Otto**
* I made an enemy of the daughter of*
* the most powerful person in town,*
**[06:50] Otto**
*and they ran me out.*
**[06:58] Otto**
* After that, I unexpectedly found*
* my independence as a merchant,*
**[07:02] Otto**
*and I busted my butt working.*
**[07:08] Otto**
* I made up my mind that I'd*
* run my own shop one day.*
**[07:18] Otto**
*You can do it, Otto!*
**[07:20] Otto**
*Go, go, Otto!*
**[07:29] Petel**
Well, well, well...
**[07:31] Petel**
Where are you off to in such a...
**[07:34] Petel**
hurry?!
***SIGN*** You're one lucky boy.
***SIGN*** You woulda been killed if I hadn't found ya.
***SIGN*** Better be grateful to the boss kid.
**[08:20] Otto**
B-Boss... kid?
***SIGN*** Yeah, he's our boss.
***SIGN*** And he's the guy who saved your life.
**[08:28] Otto**
I-I understand. Thank you very much.
**[08:31] Otto**
And I should thank him, too.
***SIGN*** If yer gonna cry, go hide first.
***SIGN*** No man should start sobbin' in front of anyone.
**[08:41] Otto**
Huh? C-Cry?
**[08:49] Otto**
Darn it...
**[08:51] Otto**
What is this?
**[08:53] Otto**
This... Th-This...
**[08:59] Otto**
I... I'm so glad I didn't die...
**[09:05] Otto**
* I realized that every time I cry,*
* it marks a rebirth in my life.*
**[09:10] Otto**
* My first cry as a baby*
* after receiving life...*
**[09:14] Otto**
*My second cry after learning*
**[09:16] Otto**
* of my family's love and realizing*
* where my heart lay...*
**[09:20] Otto**
* And this day, the third,*
* when I had a brush with death,*
**[09:23] Otto**
* and gained an understanding of my*
* purpose and reason for living.*
**[09:29] Otto**
I wasn't actually asked
to buy time this way...
**[09:33] Otto**
But it's all to help my friend!
**[09:42] Bird**
...coming! Coming!
**[09:44] Bird**
Bad one coming!
**[09:45] Otto**
I know that!
**[09:47] Bug**
Right behind you. Already here.
**[09:49] Otto**
I said I *know* that!
**[09:51] Otto**
I planned for it! It's all
part of the calculation!
**[09:53] Hamster**
You're going to die. Poor thing.
**[09:56] Otto**
Could you please stop being so pessimistic?!
**[10:08] Otto**
Is this what happens when I keep using it?
**[10:11] Otto**
My divine protection is such a hassle.
**[10:15] Otto**
I wonder if Natsuki-san... is getting
his chance to talk to Emilia-sama.
**[10:44] Garfiel**
Found ya!
**[10:57] Garfiel**
Damn you!
**[10:59] Otto**
I was given a really exciting
role to play for once!
**[11:02] Otto**
I'm not letting you catch me that easily!
**[11:33] Otto**
Come on, give me a break...
**[11:35] Garfiel**
I don't think so!
**[11:42] Garfiel**
I'm not lettin' you pull
any of your shit again!
**[11:45] Otto**
I... I wouldn't be so sure...
**[11:48] Otto**
This fight isn't over ye—
**[11:51] Garfiel**
I told you, I'm not lettin'
you pull any shit!
**[11:54] Garfiel**
Frankly, you surprised me.
**[11:56] Garfiel**
I seriously never woulda
thought you had it in ya.
**[12:01] Garfiel**
You'll hafta forgive me for doin'
somethin' so shitty to a man.
**[12:08] Otto**
I think I've done all I could.
**[12:11] Garfiel**
Gimme the stone back right now!
**[12:13] Garfiel**
Enough already, damn it!
**[12:19] Garfiel**
A'right, then. When you
wake up, this'll all be—
**[12:22] Otto**
Let's just say my personal battle ends here.
**[12:28] Garfiel**
Ram!
**[12:29] Ram**
El Fula!
**[12:30] Garfiel**
Cocky bitch!
**[12:36] Ram**
Not that I didn't know it, but you're
so pathetic, I couldn't watch.
**[12:40] Otto**
Isn't that a little harsh toward someone
who just gave all he had fighting?
**[12:44] Ram**
All you had? In the state you're in?
**[12:47] Otto**
I've never seen a maid as well-described
as the polar opposite of soothing!
**[12:51] Garfiel**
Hey, Ram, doesn't joining their side mean
**[12:53] Garfiel**
you're goin' against what
that bastard Roswaal wants?
**[12:57] Ram**
I would give my very soul to fulfill
my master's fondest desire.
**[13:00] Ram**
But...
**[13:02] Ram**
in my own way.
**[13:04] Garfiel**
Cut the shit!
**[13:05] Garfiel**
What do you think is happenin'
while you keep me here?!
**[13:09] Garfiel**
You really think he's worth
trustin' that much?!
**[13:13] Otto**
Is Natsuki-san worth it?
**[13:15] Otto**
Well, if we're talking about
whether he's worth anything,
**[13:18] Otto**
I suppose he's not.
**[13:19] Garfiel**
Huh?!
**[13:20] Otto**
But I look forward to seeing
what flowers bloom from him,
**[13:23] Otto**
so I keep pruning and
brushing off the bugs...
**[13:27] Otto**
I suppose that's the mood I'm in now.
**[13:30] Ram**
Hmph. Frankly, I have no idea what
gives you such high hopes for Barusu.
**[13:36] Ram**
He's weak, useless, and so incompetent,
he can't even make tea right.
**[13:41] Otto**
That's going a bit too far...
or maybe not, actually.
**[13:45] Ram**
But... when it's do or die,
**[13:48] Ram**
he has bizarrely good timing.
**[13:52] Ram**
A man who only has good timing.
**[13:54] ---**
That's what Barusu is.
**[13:56] Ram**
If he believes he sees an
opportunity and acts on it,
**[14:00] Ram**
you know that's the only path to victory.
**[14:03] Otto**
I guess when all's said and done,
you trust Natsuki-san too, Ram-san.
**[14:06] Ram**
That's "Ram-sama."
**[14:07] Otto**
That's such a hostile way
to hide your shyness!
**[14:11] Garfiel**
Enough!
**[14:25] Ram**
Stay back.
**[14:26] Otto**
Wait... Ram-san!
**[14:38] Ram**
Have you ever once beaten me in a punch-out?
**[14:47] Otto**
No... way...
**[15:01] Ram**
You've gotten stronger, Garf.
**[15:24] Ram**
Al Fula!
**[15:32] Subaru**
I'm counting on you, Otto.
Please don't do anything crazy.
**[15:37] Subaru**
Now...
**[15:39] Subaru**
I'm going to do my part.
**[15:46] Subaru**
Oh, good. I finally found you.
***SIGN*** Otto Suwen
**[16:00] Subaru**
You really thought this through,
didn't you, Emilia-tan?
**[16:04] Subaru**
You knew no one would find
you if you holed up in here.
**[16:08] Emilia**
Why... are you here, Subaru? You don't...
**[16:13] Subaru**
...get forced back as hard as Roswaal?
**[16:16] Subaru**
I mean, I'm here, but I'm
fighting pretty hard to endure.
**[16:21] Emilia**
I... see...
**[16:23] Subaru**
Half of me believed you'd be here,
and half of me just wished for it.
**[16:29] Emilia**
Half... and half...
**[16:31] Subaru**
I'm so relieved that I found you.
**[16:34] Emilia**
Just... relieved?
**[16:37] Emilia**
You're not angry?
**[16:39] Subaru**
What's this about, Emilia-tan?
**[16:41] Subaru**
Were you actually afraid I'd be mad at you?
**[16:44] Subaru**
I'm not angry.
**[16:46] Subaru**
Though I did panic, and frankly,
I wasn't even sure I was alive.
**[16:49] Emilia**
I see. You're not angry.
**[16:52] Subaru**
Emilia?
**[16:56] Emilia**
You're not angry at me, Subaru.
**[17:01] Emilia**
You won't even get angry.
**[17:04] Emilia**
Why won't you get angry?
**[17:08] Emilia**
What I did was selfish, wasn't it?
**[17:11] Emilia**
It caused trouble for you, didn't it?
**[17:13] Emilia**
I worried you by leaving
without saying anything.
**[17:17] Emilia**
Are you not angry because you d-didn't
expect anything in the first place?
**[17:21] Emilia**
You're kind to me even when I mess up
**[17:24] Emilia**
because you're not even
disappointed in me, right?
**[17:27] Emilia**
Because you know it's
never going to go right?
**[17:30] Subaru**
No, Emilia! That's not what I think!
**[17:33] Emilia**
Then...
**[17:35] Emilia**
Then why?
**[17:38] Emilia**
Why didn't you keep your promise?!
**[17:41] Emilia**
You and Puck both broke
your word and went away.
**[17:46] Emilia**
You went away and left me behind.
**[17:50] Emilia**
You're a liar.
**[17:52] ---**
Puck is a liar.
**[17:55] Emilia**
Liar...
**[17:57] ---**
You liar...
**[17:59] Subaru**
Emilia...
**[17:59] Emilia**
You shouldn't... break a promise...
**[18:03] Emilia**
You shouldn't lie!
**[18:05] Emilia**
It's wrong!
**[18:20] Subaru**
Emilia...
**[18:22] Subaru**
I love you.
**[18:24] Emilia**
Huh?
**[18:28] Subaru**
Night after night, you go rushing into
the same damn trial over and over.
**[18:32] Subaru**
What the hell is that trial, anyway?
It's just the past!
**[18:35] Subaru**
Don't keep moping over stuff
that's over and done with!
**[18:38] Emilia**
Uh, wha...
**[18:39] Subaru**
When I tried to do it for you, you
insisted that only you could do it.
**[18:44] Subaru**
So when you blow it, that just
means you were all talk!
**[18:47] Emilia**
S-Subaru...
**[18:48] Subaru**
And in the end, when your
pet and guardian takes off,
**[18:51] Subaru**
you abandon your duties and run off
to sulk and cry your eyes out?
**[18:54] Subaru**
I can't put up with it any longer!
**[19:00] Emilia**
You're right.
**[19:02] ---**
It only makes sense that
you'd think of me that way.
**[19:06] Subaru**
But still...
**[19:08] Subaru**
I love you, Emilia.
**[19:14] Subaru**
I love you.
**[19:17] Subaru**
I love you so, so, so much, I don't
know what to do with myself.
**[19:21] Emilia**
Wh-Where did all this come from?
**[19:24] Subaru**
I love that beautiful silver hair of yours,
**[19:27] Subaru**
I love those damp purple
jewels you have for eyes.
**[19:31] Subaru**
I love your voice and how just
hearing it puts me in a trance.
**[19:34] Subaru**
Your long, slender arms
and legs, your pale skin,
**[19:38] Subaru**
and your height are all so perfect
to me that I can't stand it.
**[19:41] Subaru**
Just being with you makes my
heart race out of control.
**[19:44] Subaru**
It's scary, honestly.
**[19:47] Subaru**
I love how you're a little
absent-minded, too.
**[19:49] Subaru**
The way you give everything
your all is adorable,
**[19:52] Subaru**
and I respect the way you do
your best to help others.
**[19:56] Subaru**
It's hard to leave you alone when I see
you putting others before yourself.
**[20:00] Subaru**
I want to see all the expressions you
make from right here beside you.
**[20:05] Emilia**
Th-This is no time for...
**[20:08] Emilia**
Stop playing around!
**[20:10] Emilia**
Why are you suddenly saying all this?!
**[20:13] Emilia**
That's not what we were talking about!
**[20:15] Emilia**
You were saying that I'm utterly useless,
**[20:17] ---**
that you couldn't put up with me!
**[20:19] Subaru**
Yeah, you're right.
**[20:20] Emilia**
So why would you forgive
me for being so useless?!
**[20:23] Subaru**
If that answer is all you want,
I've said it over and over!
**[20:26] Subaru**
It's because I love you!
**[20:31] Subaru**
I'm head-over-heels in love with you!
**[20:33] Subaru**
Everything about you shines in my eyes!
**[20:36] Subaru**
Yeah, of course, parts of you aren't perfect.
**[20:39] Subaru**
You're not an angel or a goddess.
You're an ordinary girl.
**[20:42] Subaru**
You'll feel so bad that you
want to cry sometimes,
**[20:44] Subaru**
and you'll want to run away from
things that hurt! I get that!
**[20:48] Subaru**
But even including that weakness and
the parts you might even call ugly...
**[20:54] Subaru**
I love every part of your being, Emilia.
**[20:58] Emilia**
That's just... t-too selfish!
**[21:01] Emilia**
You just named all the things
that make me useless,
**[21:04] Emilia**
and you still say you love me?
**[21:07] Emilia**
How can you expect me to believe you?!
**[21:08] Subaru**
You're wrong! You've got
it completely wrong!
**[21:12] Subaru**
It's not because I believe
in you that I love you!
**[21:16] Subaru**
I believe in you because I love you!
**[21:19] Emilia**
Just loving someone isn't a
reason to believe in them!
**[21:24] Subaru**
If just loving you isn't a
reason to believe in you...
**[21:27] Subaru**
Then who the hell would willingly
go through all this suffering
**[21:31] Subaru**
to come and help a pain
in the ass like you?!
**[21:34] Subaru**
I love you so much it makes me crazy!
**[21:38] Subaru**
I love you so much I could die!
**[21:40] Subaru**
That's why I put up with
the pain and suffering!
**[21:43] Subaru**
Even now, I feel like I might puke,
but I'm still standing in front of you!
**[21:47] Emilia**
I never asked you to do that!
**[21:50] Emilia**
You're just being selfish!
**[21:52] ---**
You're not thinking about my feelings at all!
**[21:56] Emilia**
You have no idea how
I feel every time I see you
**[21:59] Emilia**
getting hurt because of me!
**[22:02] Subaru**
How *would* I know?! I don't
even think about it!
**[22:05] Subaru**
All I think about is how to
look good in front of you!
**[22:09] Subaru**
I'm suffering for you here!
**[22:11] ---**
At least try to look as
cute as I hoped you would!
**[22:14] Emilia**
Don't talk like I'm just some doll!
**[22:16] Emilia**
Why did you break your promise?!
**[22:18] Emilia**
If you'd just done what I asked you to,
that would've been enough!
**[22:21] Emilia**
Why wouldn't you even do that?!
**[22:23] Emilia**
You actually hate me, don't you?!
**[22:25] Subaru**
I love you!
**[22:26] Emilia**
Liar!
**[22:27] Subaru**
I'm not lying! I love you!
**[22:28] Emilia**
Then...
**[22:33] Emilia**
Why?
**[22:35] ---**
Why did you break your promise?
**[22:39] Subaru**
I can't tell you.
**[22:40] Emilia**
If you'd stayed with me until
morning like you promised,
**[22:44] Emilia**
I think I could have believed you.
**[22:47] Emilia**
I could have believed you and
entrusted you with everything.
**[22:52] Emilia**
But you...
**[23:01] Emilia**
Since Puck left, my memories
have been slowly coming back.
**[23:07] Emilia**
Sights in my mind that I don't recognize...
**[23:10] Emilia**
Conversations I don't remember...
**[23:12] Emilia**
More and more of them keep coming back.
**[23:15] Emilia**
I thought I remembered
everything all this time,
**[23:19] Emilia**
but I went and forgot them,
as if they never existed.
**[23:25] Emilia**
When all the memories come back,
**[23:28] Emilia**
what's going to happen to me?
**[23:31] Emilia**
Is this me... really me?
**[23:34] Emilia**
I forgot so many important things.
**[23:36] Emilia**
I even forgot about Mother.
**[23:39] Emilia**
And yet... I'm not wrong?
**[23:47] Nahoko**
*What matters isn't how you start
or what happens in the middle.*
**[23:51] Nahoko**
*It's how it ends.*
**[23:55] Subaru**
*Yeah... you're right, Mom.*
**[24:00] Subaru**
No matter what memories you get back,
**[24:03] Subaru**
it won't change anything.
**[24:06] Subaru**
I love you.
**[24:08] ---**
I'm always going to love you.
**[24:11] Emilia**
I can't believe that.
**[24:14] Emilia**
If the me that you say you love...
g-goes away, could you still...
**[24:22] Subaru**
I could.
**[24:23] Subaru**
No matter what happens,
you're not going to go away.
**[24:27] Subaru**
I love you.
**[24:29] Emilia**
But you're a liar!
**[24:31] Emilia**
You wouldn't make me believe you.
**[24:35] Subaru**
Then I'll make you believe me now.
**[24:40] Emilia**
Suba—
**[24:41] Subaru**
If you don't want this, then dodge.
**[25:14] Subaru**
I love you.
**[25:16] Subaru**
No matter how many hopeless
sides of you I see,
**[25:18] Subaru**
and even if we argue like this...
**[25:20] Subaru**
I'm never going to stop loving you.
**[25:24] Subaru**
That won't change, no matter what happens.
**[25:27] Subaru**
I'll just love you even more than before.
**[25:29] Subaru**
That's why I'll always believe in you.
**[25:33] Subaru**
And if you want to know why...
**[25:36] Emilia**
Because... you love me?
**[25:42] Subaru**
With all those unfamiliar
memories flooding you,
**[25:45] Subaru**
it's only natural that you'd
feel anxious and scared.
**[25:48] Subaru**
But the path you've walked
until now won't go away.
**[25:52] Subaru**
You're going to be fine.
**[25:54] Emilia**
How can you say that for sure?
**[25:58] Subaru**
What matters isn't how you start.
**[26:00] ---**
It's how it ends.
**[26:03] Subaru**
The woman I respect the most
in the whole world said so.
**[26:08] Subaru**
You'll be fine, Emilia.
**[26:10] Subaru**
I'm on your side.
**[26:12] ---**
It's okay if you remember everything.
**[26:15] Subaru**
And if you're still scared, we'll find it.
**[26:18] Emilia**
Find... what?
**[26:22] Subaru**
Just like my feelings for you make
me able to keep running forward,
**[26:26] Subaru**
you'll find your most precious feeling,
the one that makes you able to blow away
**[26:30] Subaru**
all the anxieties and run forward.
**[26:34] Subaru**
Of course, I'd like to hope that
precious feeling will be for me.
**[26:41] Emilia**
My most... precious feeling...
**[26:46] Emilia**
I wonder if it's among all these
memories I've been getting back.
**[26:52] Emilia**
My most precious feeling...
**[26:55] Subaru**
Yeah, I'm sure it is.
**[26:57] Subaru**
Your reason to keep walking is there.
**[27:08] Emilia**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** A Reason to Believe
**[27:24] Subaru**
Hey. Sorry to keep you waiting.
**[27:26] Garfiel**
Ain't like I was waitin' for you.
**[27:29] ---**