Nisemonogatari

In Bakemonogatari, the story centers on Koyomi Araragi, a third year high school student who has recently survived a vampire attack, and finds himself mixed up with all kinds of apparitions: gods, ghosts, myths, and spirits. However, in Nisemonogatari, we pick up right where we left off and follow Koyomi as the psychological twists delve deeper and deeper…

Season 1

Season 1

E1 - Karen Bee, Part One

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:09] Araragi
    I apologize for this jarring and
    unexpected development,
[00:13] Araragi
    but it appears I have been kidnapped.
[00:16] Araragi
    This happened ten days into
    summer vacation, on July 29th.
[00:24] Araragi
    No, it's possible that it's already the 30th.
[00:39] Senjougahara
    Oh, you're awake, Araragi-kun.
[00:42] Senjougahara
    I'm glad.
[00:44] Senjougahara
    I was worried you might have died.
[00:51] Senjougahara
    Are you all right?
[00:52] Senjougahara
    Does the back of your head hurt?
[00:53] Araragi
    Senjougahara,
[00:54] Araragi
    remove these handcuffs.
[00:55] Senjougahara
    No.
[00:58] Araragi
    I knew it! You did this!
[01:00] Senjougahara
    I see...
[01:01] Senjougahara
    Interesting theory,
[01:03] Senjougahara
    assuming you have proof.
[01:05] Araragi
    I guessed the minute I saw you chose
    to confine me at this cram school.
[01:09] Araragi
    Now take off the handcuffs!
[01:10] Senjougahara
    No.
[01:12] Senjougahara
    No.
[01:13] Senjougahara
    Also, I can't.
    I've thrown away the key.
[01:15] Araragi
    Seriously?
[01:17] Senjougahara
    I also threw away the antidote.
[01:18] Araragi
    You poisoned me, too?!
[01:21] Senjougahara
    That was a lie.
[01:23] Senjougahara
    Though it might come true
    if you don't do as I say.
[01:27] Senjougahara
    Float like a butterfly,
    sting like a butterfly!
[01:30] Araragi
    Butterflies don't sting!
[01:32] Senjougahara
    I said it wrong.
[01:34] Senjougahara
    Good for you, to be able
    to point out my mistake.
[01:36] Senjougahara
    Take pride in this moment forever.
[01:38] Araragi
    What's this new, avant-garde method
    of admitting your mistakes?
[01:40] Senjougahara
    The correct word was "bee."
[01:42] Araragi
    Bee poison is strong, isn't it?
[01:45] Senjougahara
    Don't worry.
[01:46] Senjougahara
    Araragi-kun,
[01:47] Senjougahara
    I'll protect you.
[01:50] Senjougahara
    You won't die.
[01:52] Senjougahara
    Because I'll protect you.
[01:53] Araragi
    I'd prefer to enjoy this conversation
[01:56] Araragi
    with no unnecessary Evangelion references.
[01:58] Araragi
    And, um, Gahara-san?
[02:01] Araragi
    I'm hungry...
[02:03] Araragi
    And kinda thirsty.
[02:05] Araragi
    Want to get something to eat?
[02:08] Senjougahara
    I expected a wormlike fool like
    yourself might say that,
[02:11] Senjougahara
    so I brought several items with me.
[02:13] Araragi
    Did you?
[02:15] Araragi
    Then give me something to drink.
[02:26] Senjougahara
    You want something to drink?
[02:27] Araragi
    Well, I guess...
[02:30] Senjougahara
    But I'm going to drink it.
[02:38] Senjougahara
    It's good.
[02:41] Senjougahara
    What's with that look of longing?
[02:43] Senjougahara
    No one said they were giving it to you.
[02:47] Senjougahara
    Or did you think I'd feed it
    to you, mouth-to-mouth?
[02:50] Senjougahara
    My, Araragi-kun...
[02:51] Senjougahara
    You're so naughty.
[02:53] Araragi
    In this situation, only Kanbaru
    would come up with that!
[02:56] Senjougahara
    Yeah?
[02:57] Senjougahara
    But what about when I
    made out with you?
[03:00] Araragi
    Don't bring that up, in this setting!
[03:04] Senjougahara
    All right, then.
[03:05] Senjougahara
    If you absolutely must
    drink it, I'll let you.
[03:08] Araragi
    I absolutely must drink it.
[03:10] Senjougahara
    Has this man no pride?
[03:13] Senjougahara
    To say something so humiliating,
    from a simple desire for water.
[03:17] Senjougahara
    Wouldn't it be better for you,
    if you died?
[03:20] Araragi
    She really seems to be enjoying this.
[03:21] Senjougahara
    Very well.
[03:22] Senjougahara
    Since you're so insistent,
[03:23] Senjougahara
    so pathetic, that I can't
    bear to look at you,
[03:25] Senjougahara
    I'll give you some water,
    out of sympathy.
[03:27] Senjougahara
    Be grateful,
[03:28] Senjougahara
    water-drinking bird.
[03:29] Araragi
    "Water-drinking bird" isn't
    really an insult, is it?
[03:41] Senjougahara
    Lick it.
[03:43] Senjougahara
    What's wrong?
[03:45] Senjougahara
    You're thirsty, aren't you?
[03:46] Senjougahara
    So stretch out your tongue,
[03:48] Senjougahara
    and naughtily lick it, like a giraffe.
[03:51] Araragi
    Hey, Senjougahara.
[03:52] Senjougahara
    What?
[03:53] Senjougahara
    Aren't you thirsty?
[03:56] Senjougahara
    Or was that a lie?
[03:58] Senjougahara
    Liars should be punished.
[04:01] Araragi
    I'll lick it!
[04:01] Araragi
    I'll totally lick it!
[04:02] Araragi
    Please let me lick it!
[04:05] Senjougahara
    How pathetic.
[04:06] Senjougahara
    The ultimate in pathetic.
[04:08] Senjougahara
    No normal person would do this,
    just for some water.
[04:10] Senjougahara
    I'm sure you're
[04:12] Senjougahara
    a pervert who just enjoys licking
    girls' fingers, right?
[04:16] Araragi
    Senjougahara-san was enjoying herself
    so much, I thought she'd explode.

[04:20] Senjougahara
    It's such a wonderful picture, I want to
    set it as my cell phone wallpaper.
[04:24] Araragi
    Yeah? Glad to hear it.
[04:27] Araragi
    Then, next I'd like a rice ball.
[04:29] Senjougahara
    All right.
[04:29] Senjougahara
    I'm in one of my rare generous moods.
[04:32] Senjougahara
    What do you want in it?
[04:33] Araragi
    It doesn't matter.
[04:34] Senjougahara
    An apathetic reply.
[04:35] Senjougahara
    Do you prefer bread?
[04:37] Araragi
    That's not really it.
[04:39] Araragi
    And as near as I can tell,
    you haven't bought any bread.
[04:42] Senjougahara
    That's true.
[04:42] Senjougahara
    I only brought rice balls.
[04:44] Araragi
    I won't request something you don't have.
[04:45] Senjougahara
    If you have no bread to eat,
    then you can eat cake.
[04:48] Araragi
    Too tyrannical...
[04:49] Senjougahara
    I was raised amidst butterflies and bees.
[04:53] Araragi
    That should be "and flowers"!
SIGN    The right answer
SIGN    Time Passes
[05:01] Senjougahara
    I hadn't much time today, so I got
    lunch from a convenience store.
[05:04] Senjougahara
    But don't worry, Araragi-kun.
[05:06] Senjougahara
    Starting tomorrow, I'll make
    your lunch myself.
[05:09] Araragi
    What is this?
[05:11] Araragi
    Her motives remain unclear.
[05:14] Araragi
    Oh, right.
[05:15] Araragi
    Her motives are totally clear.
[05:17] Senjougahara
    Don't worry.
[05:19] Senjougahara
    Araragi-kun,
[05:20] Senjougahara
    I'll protect you.
[05:21] Araragi
    To protect me, right?
[05:24] Araragi
    She's serious.
[05:25] Araragi
    Probably.
[05:29] Araragi
    By the way, Senjougahara.
[05:31] Araragi
    How am I supposed to use
    the bathroom here?
[05:34] Senjougahara
    Don't worry.
[05:36] Senjougahara
    I'll change your diaper.
[05:39] Senjougahara
    Didn't you know?
[05:40] Senjougahara
    I love you, Araragi-kun.
[05:43] Senjougahara
    So much that I could embrace you
    without hesitation,
[05:46] Senjougahara
    even if you were entirely
    covered in feces.
[05:48] Senjougahara
    Including your brain,
    I will manage your entire body,
[05:51] Senjougahara
    from ingestion to excretion.
[05:54] Araragi
    Her love is too extreme!
SIGN    Episode 1: Karen Bee, Part 1
SIGN    7/29 Saturday Morning
[07:34] Araragi
    Over summer break,
    I'm being tutored each day,
SIGN    7/29 Saturday
[07:38] Araragi
    except for Sundays, by Senjougahara.
[07:40] Araragi
    And also by Hanekawa,
[07:43] Araragi
    who has some of the school's best grades.
[07:47] Araragi
    But on that Saturday, July 29th,
[07:50] Araragi
    Hanekawa, with whom I was to study...
SIGN    Flashback
[07:51] Hanekawa
    "Something that I absolutely
    can't avoid came up.
[07:53] Hanekawa
    I'll make it up to you
[07:55] Hanekawa
    in exactly two days!"
SIGN    Black Scene
[07:58] Araragi
    And so, I'm bored.
[08:04] Karen
    Oh, Onii-chan...
[08:07] Karen
    Don't you have your tutoring today?
[08:09] Araragi
    Yeah.
[08:10] Araragi
    Hey, where is she?
[08:12] Tsukihi
    She?
[08:13] Araragi
    My bigger little sister.
[08:14] Tsukihi
    Karen-chan's out.
[08:17] Araragi
    Don't get into any trouble, you two.
[08:19] Tsukihi
    I resent that.
    We aren't planning anything.
[08:22] Tsukihi
    You're always this way.
[08:23] Tsukihi
    You always treat us like children.
[08:26] Tsukihi
    You worry too much.
[08:28] Araragi
    I'm not worried.
[08:29] Araragi
    I just don't trust you.
[08:31] Tsukihi
    Aren't those the same thing?
[08:32] Araragi
    No.
[08:33] Araragi
    Worry and trust are two
    entirely different things.
[08:37] Tsukihi
    They're both just words...
[08:43] Araragi
    Don't stop talking halfway through!
[08:45] Araragi
    So, where'd the bigger little sister go?
[08:48] Tsukihi
    I told you, she isn't in any trouble.
[08:50] Tsukihi
    In fact, she went to go help
    people out of trouble.
[08:53] Araragi
    That's trouble.
[08:55] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, don't interfere in
    middle school kids' fights.
[08:59] Tsukihi
    It's lame.
[09:00] Tsukihi
    In their own way,
[09:02] Tsukihi
    fights are also a valid form
    of communication.
[09:04] Araragi
    Well, it sounds right when
    you put it like that.
[09:09] Tsukihi
    It isn't that fights per se are wrong.
[09:10] Tsukihi
    It's that people simply don't know
    the proper way to fight.
SIGN    Fights
[09:13] Araragi
    But the fights you two get involved with
[09:15] Araragi
    are always violent.
[09:18] Araragi
    I refuse to believe that's
    the right way to fight.
[09:22] Tsukihi
    Just shut up!
[09:24] Tsukihi
    I don't know!
[09:25] Tsukihi
    I don't know anything!
[09:27] Tsukihi
    I don't know what's going on with
    the bigger sister, the littler sister,
[09:30] Tsukihi
    or the middle sister!
[09:32] Araragi
    I don't have a middle sister...
[09:35] Araragi
    This is why worrying about you
    isn't ever worth it.

[09:38] Araragi
    Jeez...
[09:40] Araragi
    I won't tell you to grow up,
[09:42] Araragi
    but at least keep quiet.
[09:44] Tsukihi
    I don't want to hear that from you.
[09:50] Araragi
    Well, I suppose that of the two,
[09:52] Araragi
    the latter is more difficult.
[09:54] Araragi
    Anyone can grow up, just by aging.
[09:58] Araragi
    But still, I wouldn't want them
    as quiet as Sengoku.

[10:02] Araragi
    Oh, right. Sengoku...
SIGN    Flashback
[10:04] Sengoku
    Come over to my house next time.
[10:07] Araragi
    Sure.
SIGN    Black Scene
[10:10] Araragi
    Come to think of it,
[10:11] Araragi
    it's been quite a while since that.
[10:14] Araragi
    This is a good chance...
[10:15] Sengoku
    H-Hello?!
[10:17] Sengoku
    This is Sengoku!
[10:18] Sengoku
    Koyomi-oniichan, it's been a while.
[10:20] Sengoku
    What's up?
[10:22] Araragi
    Sorry it's so abrupt,
[10:24] Araragi
    but remember when I said I'd come over?
[10:27] Araragi
    I was wondering if today might be good.
[10:30] Araragi
    If it isn't a good day...
[10:32] Sengoku
    No...
[10:33] Sengoku
    Today, today, today!
[10:34] Sengoku
    Actually, I'm busy every day but today.
[10:36] Araragi
    I see.
[10:37] Araragi
    If you're busy every day but today,
[10:39] Araragi
    today is our only option.
[10:41] Araragi
    How about now?
[10:42] Sengoku
    Sure!
[10:43] Sengoku
    Actually, no time but now will work.
[10:44] Araragi
    Then I'll come over now.
[10:50] Araragi
    Hey! So...
[10:52] Tsukihi
    Bye!
[10:53] Tsukihi
    I'll watch the house.
[10:54] Araragi
    No, you're coming, as well.
[10:58] Araragi
    We're going to Sengoku's,
    so of course you're coming.
[11:00] Tsukihi
    I thought for sure you'd go alone.
[11:03] Tsukihi
    And I'm certain that's what
    Sen-chan is thinking...
[11:06] Araragi
    Really?
[11:07] Araragi
    No way.
[11:09] Tsukihi
    Go by yourself.
[11:10] Tsukihi
    I'm sure she'd prefer that.
SIGN    Anyway
[11:13] Tsukihi
    Anyway...
[11:14] Tsukihi
    I won't interfere with a
    friend's feeling of love.
[11:17] Tsukihi
    Even if it's unrequited.
SIGN    Love?
[11:20] Araragi
    Come?
[11:21] Araragi
    She never said she'd love
    for me to come over.
[11:24] Araragi
    She just asked me to.
[11:26] Araragi
    Unlike you two, she's polite.
[11:29] Tsukihi
    By the way, Onii-chan...
[11:31] Tsukihi
    Do you believe that boys and
    girls can be friends?
[11:34] Araragi
    Sure.
[11:35] Araragi
    I'm Sengoku's friend!
[11:37] Tsukihi
    I see.
[11:38] Tsukihi
    Then I guess that works.
[11:40] Tsukihi
    Anyway, get going.
[11:42] Araragi
    Fine.
[11:44] Araragi
    Then I'll go on my own.
[11:45] Araragi
    Watch the house while I'm gone.
[11:47] Araragi
    See you...
[11:48] Tsukihi
    One last thing, before you go.
[11:51] Tsukihi
    You've totally
[11:52] Tsukihi
    stopped brawling with Karen-chan.
[11:56] Tsukihi
    How come?
[11:59] Araragi
    Lately, she's gotten too good at karate.
[12:02] Araragi
    Like, way too good.
[12:04] Araragi
    I'd lose in a straight-up fight.
[12:06] Araragi
    Even though she's taller,
[12:08] Araragi
    I should still be stronger.
[12:10] Araragi
    But I guess I can't defeat a
    martial arts practitioner.
[12:14] Tsukihi
    Even if that explains things
    with Karen-chan,
[12:16] Tsukihi
    when I freaked out a minute ago,
    you backed off.
[12:19] Tsukihi
    Dealing with you has gotten a lot easier.
[12:22] Araragi
    Well, I guess so.
[12:23] Tsukihi
    I mean, from our perspective,
[12:26] Tsukihi
    it's good, because it's
    easier to get our way.
[12:29] Tsukihi
    But you know,
[12:31] Tsukihi
    really...
[12:33] Tsukihi
    Don't just grow up and leave us behind.
[12:35] Tsukihi
    It'd be boring that way...
[12:42] Araragi
    Actually, you guys never knew this,
[12:45] Araragi
    but I turned into a vampire.
[12:46] Araragi
    Well, I turned back.
[12:50] Araragi
    But it changed me.
    So it's possible...

[12:52] Araragi
    And I mean possible, not certain,
[12:54] Araragi
    that if I got into a real fight with you,
SIGN    Red Scene
[12:57] Araragi
    I could end up killing you both.
[12:59] Araragi
    So I'm trying to avoid that.
[13:01] Araragi
    How am I supposed to tell them that?
[13:07] Araragi
    Hey, it's Hachikuji.
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Hachikuji 5-3
[13:18] Araragi
    But I promised to go to Sengoku's...
[13:21] Araragi
    And I don't really like that elementary school brat, anyway.
[13:27] Araragi
    Honest, I don't like her.
[13:29] Araragi
    I hate her.
[13:30] Araragi
    We're not even close enough that
    I'd talk to her if I saw her.
[13:34] Araragi
    But yeah, I guess as a high schooler,
[13:37] Araragi
    it's kind of sad for me to act that way
    toward an elementary school girl.
[13:41] Araragi
    Honestly, I'm not happy to see her at all.
[13:44] Araragi
    But I suppose a bare minimum of courtesy
[13:46] Araragi
    demands that I maintain appearances.
[13:48] Araragi
    I'm such a sap.
[14:01] Araragi
    Hachikuji!
[14:03] Araragi
    I've missed you...
[14:06] Araragi
    I haven't seen you,
[14:08] Araragi
    so I thought you'd moved away!
[14:10] Araragi
    And I was so worried...
[14:12] Araragi
    So let me touch you more.
[14:14] Araragi
    Let me hug you more...
[14:15] Araragi
    Let me lick you more!
[14:17] Araragi
    Come on, stay put!
[14:18] Araragi
    It makes removing your panties harder!
[14:23] Araragi
    What are you doing?
[14:27] Araragi
    W-Wait, Hachikuji!
[14:30] Araragi
    Look, it's me!
[14:36] Hachikuji
    It's Araragi...
[14:37] Hachikuji
    Yomiko-san!
[14:39] Araragi
    That's depressingly close.
[14:41] Araragi
    But, Hachikuji,
[14:43] Araragi
    I'd prefer you not call me the name
    of a paper-using secret agent
[14:45] Araragi
    for the British Library who lives in a
    book-filled Jinbouchou building.
[14:49] Araragi
    My name is Araragi Koyomi.
SIGN    Excepting Light Vehicles
[14:53] Hachikuji
    But that aside, Araragi-san,
[14:55] Hachikuji
    where are you going today?
[14:57] Hachikuji
    Nowhere special...
SIGN    Excepting Boys
[14:59] Hachikuji
    Searching for new Araragi harem members?
[15:01] Araragi
    I never founded any such creepy group!
[15:04] Hachikuji
    An original member,
[15:05] Hachikuji
    Oshino-san, has graduated now...
[15:07] Hachikuji
    It'll be a difficult gap to fill.
[15:11] Araragi
    Even assuming this so-called
    Araragi harem's existence,
[15:13] Araragi
    why would Oshino be a member?
SIGN    No Old Men Allowed
[15:16] Araragi
    He's an old guy in a floral shirt!
[15:17] Hachikuji
    Add too many members,
[15:19] Hachikuji
    and the story will be hard to follow.
SIGN    Watch for Bears
[15:20] Hachikuji
    So be careful.
[15:23] Araragi
    Well, I told you about Sengoku right?
[15:26] Araragi
    A girl I used to know...
[15:28] Araragi
    I'm going over to her place today.
[15:31] Hachikuji
    Given that, you seemed rather unhappy.
[15:33] Araragi
    Did I?
[15:34] Araragi
    I looked that unhappy?
[15:36] Hachikuji
    Yeah!
[15:37] Hachikuji
    Like a story that's gotten a lot of
    mileage from jokes about how
[15:41] Hachikuji
    it'll never be animated,
    due to some screw-up.
[15:44] Hachikuji
    You had an awkwardness that
    was reminiscent of that.
[15:47] Araragi
    My face was hardly that specific!
[15:49] Hachikuji
    Well, I can understand that you'd be
    wary of unexpected happiness.
[15:53] Hachikuji
    But any time you enter a new arena,
[15:55] Hachikuji
    there's something to be gained.
[15:57] Araragi
    Something to be gained? Like what?
[16:00] Hachikuji
    In a word...
[16:01] Hachikuji
    Money.
[16:02] Araragi
    No, aren't there other things?
[16:05] Hachikuji
    Is there really anything else in the world?
[16:07] Araragi
    Sure!
[16:08] Araragi
    Like you know...
[16:10] Araragi
    Love!
SIGN    Love
[16:10] Hachikuji
    Huh? Love?
[16:12] Hachikuji
    Oh, yeah! I know love.
[16:13] Hachikuji
    The convenience store was selling it.
SIGN    Love, Now On Sale
[16:15] Araragi
    They were selling it?!
    At the convenience store?
[16:17] Hachikuji
    Yup, for 298 yen.
[16:19] Araragi
    A bargain!
[16:20] Hachikuji
    Talk of money aside, Araragi-san,
[16:22] Hachikuji
    I've been looking forward to this.
[16:25] Hachikuji
    What kind of dance will
    we do during the ED?
[16:28] Araragi
    It's a given that we're dancing?
[16:30] Hachikuji
    I'm hoping for something like in Cat's Eye,
[16:32] Hachikuji
    nice and sexy!
[16:33] Araragi
    You're okay with just silhouettes?!
[16:36] Araragi
    Anyway, that's not it, Hachikuji.
[16:38] Araragi
    Oh, right... I guess I can tell you.
[16:41] Araragi
    You know I'm actually a vampire, right?
[16:45] Hachikuji
    I see, Shuraragi-san.
[16:46] Araragi
    That name's pretty cool,
[16:48] Araragi
    and honestly, I'd like to change mine to it.
[16:50] Araragi
    But Hachikuji,
[16:50] Araragi
    I've told you over and over,
[16:52] Araragi
    my name is Araragi.
[16:54] Hachikuji
    Sorry! I bit my tongue.
[16:55] Araragi
    No, you did it deliberately.
[16:57] Hachikuji
    I bwit my twongue!
[16:58] Araragi
    It wasn't deliberate?
[16:59] Hachikuji
    Seen the Family Mart?
[17:00] Araragi
    No, I don't know where the
    convenience store is!
[17:02] Araragi
    Is it love?
[17:03] Araragi
    Are you going to buy love?
[17:04] Araragi
    For 298 yen?!
[17:07] Hachikuji
    I see, a vampire.
[17:09] Hachikuji
    But what about it?
[17:11] Araragi
    Well, it's really hard to tell
[17:13] Araragi
    my family about it, you know?
[17:16] Araragi
    But I'm not sure it's something
    I can hide forever.
[17:20] Hachikuji
    I don't think it's really necessary
[17:23] Hachikuji
    to just come out and tell them.
[17:25] Hachikuji
    I think keeping a secret or two
    from your family is natural.
[17:28] Araragi
    Hachikuji?
[17:30] Hachikuji
    For one thing, sharing your
    secret with someone
[17:33] Hachikuji
    means you involve them in your problems.
[17:36] Hachikuji
    It may make things easier for you,
[17:39] Hachikuji
    but your family could end up
    suffering for it.
[17:43] Araragi
    That's true, isn't it?
[17:45] Hachikuji
    Right now, what you need is
[17:47] Hachikuji
    the courage to keep your
    secret to yourself!
[17:50] Araragi
    That sounds very wise.
[17:51] Hachikuji
    Well, I'm just making it sound positive
[17:54] Hachikuji
    by adding the word "courage" to it.
[17:55] Hachikuji
    Really, it's just a normal secret.
[17:57] Araragi
    That sounds very honest!
[17:59] Hachikuji
    You can make almost anything
[18:01] Hachikuji
    sound positive by adding
    the word "courage."
[18:03] Araragi
    That can't be right.
[18:05] Araragi
    I refuse to believe that Japanese
    is structured that way.
[18:09] Hachikuji
    Shall I demonstrate?
[18:11] Araragi
    Bring it.
[18:15] Araragi
    If you can satisfy me,
[18:18] Araragi
    I'll do a handstand, right here.
[18:20] Hachikuji
    A handstand?
[18:21] Araragi
    Yes...
[18:22] Araragi
    Like getting on your knees
    to bow, but better.
[18:24] Araragi
    And if you can't satisfy me,
[18:28] Araragi
    then you have to do a handstand here,
[18:30] Araragi
    wearing your skirt!
[18:31] Araragi
    Your kiddy panties will be
    exposed to public view,
[18:34] Araragi
    until I allow you to stop!
[18:36] Hachikuji
    Very well.
[18:37] Hachikuji
    I accept your challenge.
[18:39] Araragi
    I praise your guts, if nothing else.
[18:41] Hachikuji
    You're like a phoenix
    to the flame, Araragi-san.
[18:44] Araragi
    No, I'm nothing as cool as that.
[18:48] Hachikuji
    We'll start with warm-ups.
SIGN    Courage Series
[18:50] Hachikuji
    The courage to lie to your lover.
[18:53] Araragi
    Not bad...
[18:54] Araragi
    All you're doing is simply lying,
[18:57] Araragi
    but tacking "courage" onto it
[18:59] Araragi
    makes it sound like you're
    lying for your lover's sake.

[19:01] Araragi
    Even though she hasn't said
    anything suggesting that.

[19:03] Hachikuji
    The courage to betray your comrades.
[19:04] Araragi
    What?!
[19:05] Araragi
    Amazing...
[19:06] Araragi
    The end result is that you've
    betrayed your comrades.

[19:09] Araragi
    But that gives the impression
[19:10] Araragi
    that you've somehow protected them.
[19:12] Araragi
    Even though she hasn't said
    anything suggesting that!

[19:14] Hachikuji
    The courage to be a lazy bum.
[19:15] Araragi
    Wh-What?
[19:17] Araragi
    It really can do anything!
[19:19] Araragi
    You're just meaninglessly
    whiling away your life,

[19:21] Araragi
    but that makes it sound like you've
[19:23] Araragi
    positioned yourself in poverty,
    all for some greater goal.

[19:25] Araragi
    Even though she hasn't said anything,
[19:26] Araragi
    anything at all, suggesting that!
[19:28] Araragi
    B-But I cannot admit defeat here!
[19:31] Hachikuji
    The courage to admit defeat.
[19:33] Araragi
    I admit my defeat!
[19:35] Araragi
    I was lulled by the awesomeness of the words
[19:37] Araragi
    into admitting my own defeat!
[19:39] Araragi
    And all I did was admit defeat...
[19:41] Araragi
    Japanese is really simple!
[19:43] Hachikuji
    Now, Araragi-san.
[19:44] Hachikuji
    Show me something better than
    getting on your knees to bow.
[19:46] Araragi
    Very well...
[19:48] Araragi
    I have the courage to do a handstand!
[19:54] Hachikuji
    Seeing someone your age doing a
    handstand is actually kind of pathetic...
[19:58] Hachikuji
    You can stop.
[20:01] Hachikuji
    I said you could stop, Araragi-san.
[20:05] Hachikuji
    Actually, please stop, Araragi-san.
[20:07] Hachikuji
    I'm embarrassed, just being next to you.
[20:11] Hachikuji
    Why continue your handstand,
[20:12] Hachikuji
    as if it were a promise made in response
    to a friend's last request?
[20:16] Araragi
    Well, you know...
[20:18] Araragi
    I was just thinking
[20:20] Araragi
    that if I stood on my hands,
[20:22] Araragi
    from this angle, I can see your panties.
[20:27] Hachikuji
    Araragi-san, you are a pervert!
[20:29] Araragi
    The courage to accept the label of pervert!
[20:32] Hachikuji
    So cool!
[20:34] Hachikuji
    So cool, I'm tempted to have the courage
    to show you my panties as you wish!
[20:38] Hachikuji
    Especially the way you continue,
[20:39] Hachikuji
    even after I kicked you in the face!
[20:42] Hachikuji
    I can't believe the technology I developed
[20:45] Hachikuji
    has now been turned against me...
[20:47] Hachikuji
    So ironic.
[20:49] Araragi
    You grew overconfident, Hachikuji!
[20:51] Araragi
    I have mastered your secret technique!
[20:54] Hachikuji
    Oh, no.
[20:56] Hachikuji
    I may have created a monster!
[21:00] Araragi
    But I do apologize for
    calling them kiddy panties.
[21:03] Araragi
    I never expected
[21:04] Araragi
    you'd be wearing
    semi-transparent black panties.
[21:08] Hachikuji
    What are you saying?
[21:09] Hachikuji
    Take a closer look!
[21:10] Hachikuji
    Don't say that!
[21:11] Hachikuji
    It'll ruin my image!
[21:13] Hachikuji
    I've responded to consumer demand,
    and am wearing kiddy panties!
[21:16] Hachikuji
    They have a bunny on them, right?
[21:18] Araragi
    I can't see any bunnies.
[21:20] Araragi
    If you want me to see them,
    you have to make it easier.
[21:23] Hachikuji
    L-Like this?
[21:26] Hachikuji
    Like this?
[21:34] Araragi
    Oh, yeah.
[21:35] Araragi
    We were talking about the need
[21:37] Araragi
    to keep the supernatural a secret, right?
[21:39] Hachikuji
    You see, Araragi-san,
[21:41] Hachikuji
    in a way, the supernatural is
    what's behind the curtain.
[21:44] Araragi
    Behind the curtain?
[21:46] Hachikuji
    Normally, you only need to see
    what's happening on stage.
[21:49] Hachikuji
    That's how reality works.
[21:51] Hachikuji
    If you don't know,
[21:52] Hachikuji
    then it's best that you don't.
[21:54] Hachikuji
    Actually, learning about the supernatural
[21:56] Hachikuji
    only increases the number
    of things you don't know.
[21:59] Araragi
    I see.
[22:01] Hachikuji
    So, Araragi-san...
[22:02] Hachikuji
    If your family should ever
[22:05] Hachikuji
    find themselves unfortunately backstage,
[22:08] Hachikuji
    you can guide them out.
[22:11] Hachikuji
    But until then,
    the answer is to do nothing.
[22:14] Araragi
    I see.
[22:16] Araragi
    Anyway, we've been talking a while.
[22:19] Araragi
    Sorry for stopping you, Hachikuji.
[22:21] Hachikuji
    It's fine.
[22:23] Hachikuji
    I'm always basically lost.
[22:26] Araragi
    That's not...
[22:27] Hachikuji
    In a way,
[22:28] Hachikuji
    I guess I was just walking around, saying,
[22:31] Hachikuji
    "Isn't Araragi-san's house here?
[22:32] Hachikuji
    I haven't seen him in a while!
[22:34] Hachikuji
    Maybe I can see him again."
[22:37] Araragi
    Yeah...
[22:38] Araragi
    Well, bye!
[22:39] Hachikuji
    Yeah, let's meet again.
[22:43] Araragi
    Hey, Hachikuji.
[22:46] Araragi
    You aren't going to disappear, are you?
[22:50] Araragi
    Because, you know, Oshino's gone.
[22:53] Araragi
    I just wondered if you were going
    to vanish like he did.
[22:57] Hachikuji
    You spend so much time
    worrying about others,
[23:00] Hachikuji
    the only people you foist
[23:03] Hachikuji
    your problems on are Shinobu-san and me.
[23:08] Hachikuji
    I'm honored, really...
[23:11] Araragi
    Hachikuji...
[23:12] Hachikuji
    Then let me ask you
    a question, Araragi-san.
[23:15] Hachikuji
    If I'm ever in really bad trouble again,
[23:18] Hachikuji
    would you help me?
[23:21] Araragi
    Sure, I would.
[23:22] Araragi
    Of course I would.
[23:23] Araragi
    I won't give anyone else
    enough time to save you.
[23:27] Hachikuji
    I can talk to you about my problems?
[23:28] Araragi
    If you don't, I'll get mad!
[23:33] Hachikuji
    That's just like you.
[23:37] Hachikuji
    I'm sure there's a reason that,
[23:39] Hachikuji
    even after I stopped being lost,
[23:41] Hachikuji
    I stayed here.
[23:43] Hachikuji
    I won't leave until I know
    what that reason is.
[23:47] Araragi
    The reason, huh?
[23:49] Hachikuji
    Well, even if I do go away someday,
[23:53] Hachikuji
    before I do, I'll come to say goodbye.
[23:57] Araragi
    I see...
SIGN    Black Scene
[24:01] Araragi
    Okay, then you do that.
[24:05] Hachikuji
    Yeah.
[24:06] Hachikuji
    I'd be scared of having you
    mad at me, you know?

Season 1

E2 - Karen Bee, Part Two

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Araragi
    The older of my sisters, Araragi Karen...
[00:03] Araragi
    A third-year in middle school.
[00:05] Araragi
    Had a birthday at the end of June,
    turning fifteen.
[00:08] Araragi
    She's always been a tomboy
    who excels at most sports.
[00:12] Araragi
    But her talents seemed best suited to combat.
[00:16] Araragi
    She earned her karate in black belt in record time.
[00:20] Araragi
    She enjoyed fighting too much
    to appear truly feminine.
[00:25] Araragi
    I wouldn't call her manly,
[00:27] Araragi
    but the aggressive look in her eye
    makes her appear boyish.
[00:32] Araragi
    And the younger of my sisters, Araragi Tsukihi...
[00:35] Araragi
    A second-year in middle school.
[00:36] Araragi
    Her birthday falls in early April,
[00:38] Araragi
    which makes her fourteen now.
[00:40] Araragi
    Karen is, well,
[00:42] Araragi
    exactly what she looks like.
[00:44] Araragi
    But Tsukihi's appearance
    belies her true nature.
[00:47] Araragi
    But what's important is that her true nature
    does not belie her appearance.
[00:51] Araragi
    She looks extremely feminine,
[00:54] Araragi
    but her nature is even more
    aggressive than Karen's.
[00:57] Araragi
    And she's easily provoked.
[00:59] Araragi
    Her fits could almost be called hysterics.
SIGN    Black Scene
[01:03] Araragi
    The Fire Sisters of Tsuganoki
    2nd Middle School...
SIGN    Black Scene
[01:06] Araragi
    The pair has formed what
    could be considered
[01:08] Araragi
    either a rescue squad or a heroic duo,
SIGN    Black Scene
[01:12] Araragi
    a game that occupies the
    majority of their time.
SIGN    Black Scene
[01:15] Araragi
    Of course, were you to tell them that...
[01:18] Tsukihi
    It isn't a game, Nii-chan!
[01:20] Tsukihi
    We aren't the good guys.
[01:21] Tsukihi
    We're goodness itself, Onii-chan.
[01:25] Araragi
    ...is what they'd tell you.
[01:26] Araragi
    I can usually anticipate what they'll say.
[01:30] Araragi
    But I can say this without hesitation...
[01:34] Araragi
    Araragi Karen and Araragi Tsukihi,
[01:37] Araragi
    the actions of the Fire Sisters
[01:39] Araragi
    are nothing but a game.
[01:43] Araragi
    Because, my dear sisters,
[01:45] Araragi
    you are irredeemable fakes.
SIGN    Episode 2: Karen Bee, Part 2
[03:32] Araragi
    Sengoku, that's how you do it at home?
[03:37] Sengoku
    D-Do what?
[03:40] Araragi
    Those bangs.
[03:41] Sengoku
    B-Bangs?
[03:44] Sengoku
    Wh-What are you talking about?
[03:46] Araragi
    She's pretending to have no idea.
[03:47] Sengoku
    I-I definitely didn't work up the courage
[03:51] Sengoku
    to change my hairstyle because you were
[03:54] Sengoku
    coming over to my house
    for the first time.
[03:59] Sengoku
    Come in, Koyomi-oniichan.
[04:02] Araragi
    Sure...
[04:10] Araragi
    Hey, Sengoku...
[04:11] Araragi
    Where are your mom and dad?
[04:12] Sengoku
    My parents work on Saturdays.
[04:16] Araragi
    Just like mine.
[04:18] Araragi
    So that's why you answered the phone.
[04:22] Sengoku
    My room is on the second floor.
SIGN    Black Scene
[04:29] Araragi
    Sengoku, that clo—
[04:32] Sengoku
    Don't open it!
[04:32] Araragi
    —set...
[04:34] Sengoku
    I'd never forgive anyone,
    even you, for opening it.
[04:41] Sengoku
    Okay, have a seat there,
[04:43] Sengoku
    Koyomi-oniichan.
[04:44] Araragi
    There? On the bed?
[04:46] Araragi
    You're sure?
[04:47] Sengoku
    Yeah.
[04:48] Sengoku
    You can't sit anywhere but on the bed...
[04:55] Sengoku
    This room is kind of hot, isn't it?
[05:01] Sengoku
    Wh-Why don't you take off your
    sweatshirt, Koyomi-oniichan?
[05:05] Araragi
    Me?
[05:06] Sengoku
    Even if you aren't hot,
    you still have no choice
[05:08] Sengoku
    but to remove your sweatshirt.
[05:10] Araragi
    I have no choice but to remove it, huh?
SIGN    Black Scene
[05:13] Sengoku
    Koyomi-oniichan, let's play a King Game.
[05:13] Sengoku
    [In a King Game, one person issues orders, of an often
    sexual nature, to others, referred to by number.]
[05:17] Araragi
    Sengoku, do you even know
    what the King Game is?
[05:22] Araragi
    It has nothing to do with a deck of cards.
[05:25] Sengoku
    I know what it is.
[05:26] Sengoku
    It's like Captain's Orders, right?
SIGN    Simon Says
[05:30] Sengoku
    The king's word is law!
[05:32] Araragi
    Too political!
[05:34] Araragi
    Well, I've never played it before,
    so I don't really know.
[05:37] Araragi
    But, Sengoku,
[05:38] Araragi
    you can't have a King Game
    with only two players.
[05:42] Sengoku
    Why not?
[05:43] Sengoku
    I'm fine with either role.
[05:46] Sengoku
    Giving the orders and taking them.
[05:49] Araragi
    W-Well, let's not play that...
[05:55] Sengoku
    Then let's play the Game of Life,
    Koyomi-oniichan.
[05:58] Araragi
    The Game of Life, huh?
[06:00] Araragi
    Sure, that sounds fun.
[06:01] Sengoku
    The word of Life is law!
[06:03] Araragi
    Deep!
[06:04] Araragi
    Oh, yeah.
[06:06] Araragi
    We used to play that at my place, right?
[06:10] Sengoku
    Yeah, I remember.
[06:11] Araragi
    Yeah?
[06:12] Sengoku
    I never forgot.
[06:17] Araragi
    Koyomi-oniichan will not
    get dirty thoughts

[06:21] Araragi
    from looking at Sengoku's body.
[06:24] Araragi
    Aren't you glad I'm such
    a gentleman, Sengoku?

SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Time Passes
[06:27] Araragi
    Sengoku, has anything been
    happening lately?
[06:31] Sengoku
    Wh-What do you mean?
[06:33] Araragi
    I mean anything like what
    happened before.
[06:36] Sengoku
    No, I've been fine.
[06:38] Araragi
    I see.
[06:39] Sengoku
    But there's some weird charm
    circulating, as usual.
[06:44] Araragi
    At your school?
[06:45] Sengoku
    Yeah, but not just at my school.
[06:48] Sengoku
    Among all the middle schoolers.
[06:51] Sengoku
    I think Rara-chan and the others
    are up to something.
[06:55] Araragi
    Up to something?
[06:57] Sengoku
    When I talked to Rara-chan a while ago,
[06:59] Sengoku
    she asked about what happened
    with the snake.
[07:02] Sengoku
    And since I couldn't tell her the truth,
[07:06] Sengoku
    I didn't say too much.
[07:09] Sengoku
    But she was getting others to
    help her investigate stuff.
[07:13] Araragi
    In other words,
[07:13] Araragi
    it has to do with that charm.
[07:16] Araragi
    But to be precise, that whole
[07:19] Araragi
    curse was basically nonsense, right?
[07:21] Araragi
    In your case, you just chose the
    wrong way to handle it.
[07:25] Sengoku
    Yeah.
[07:26] Sengoku
    I was the only one
[07:27] Sengoku
    for whom anything actually
    manifested that way, I think.
[07:34] Sengoku
    But that's just a guess.
[07:35] Araragi
    Then...
[07:36] Sengoku
    I don't think they're worried about the curse actually working.
[07:41] Sengoku
    I think they probably
[07:44] Sengoku
    don't even believe in the supernatural.
[07:47] Araragi
    Yeah, I'm sure.
[07:49] Sengoku
    It seems like they're more concerned
[07:52] Sengoku
    with the fact that nonsense of
    that sort is going around.
[07:56] Sengoku
    They said they're trying to discover
[07:59] Sengoku
    who's spreading it.
[08:01] Araragi
    No one's trying to spread it.
[08:04] Araragi
    And even should they find someone,
[08:07] Araragi
    now that it's spread, it isn't
    their responsibility.
[08:09] Sengoku
    That's just Rara-chan...
    Or rather, the Fire Sisters.
[08:14] Sengoku
    They seemed on the verge of saying
[08:18] Sengoku
    that someone had deliberately spread
    the charm for their own reasons.
[08:25] Araragi
    That sounds just like them...
[08:27] Araragi
    Sheesh.
[08:28] Araragi
    I'm gonna have to talk to Karen.
[08:32] Araragi
    It isn't something I have
    to get involved in...

[08:35] Araragi
    But given the percent
[08:36] Araragi
    of Sengoku Nadeko involved, it's delicate.
[08:41] Sengoku
    K-Koyomi-oniichan?
[08:43] Araragi
    It's nothing!
[08:44] Araragi
    I'm fine, Sengoku.
[08:46] Araragi
    Anyway, Sengoku...
[08:48] Araragi
    You look better that way.
[08:51] Araragi
    I mean your bangs.
[08:52] Araragi
    You should do it like that outside.
[08:54] Sengoku
    B-But I'm embarrassed!
[08:57] Sengoku
    But if you want me to...
[09:01] Sengoku
    I'll do my best.
[09:02] Araragi
    Yeah, doing your best is always good.
[09:04] Araragi
    Anyway, we're almost done
    with the Game of Life.
[09:08] Araragi
    What do you want to do after this?
[09:10] Sengoku
    Twister!
[09:13] Araragi
    I don't know Twister.
[09:14] Araragi
    How do you play? Show me.
[09:16] Sengoku
    Okay, I'll show you...
[09:18] Sengoku
    I'll show your body.
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Black Scene
[09:24] Araragi
    I can't wait!
[09:27] Araragi
    After that, Sengoku's mom
    suddenly came home.
[09:30] Sengoku
    I-I didn't tell them you
    were coming over!
[09:35] Sengoku
    She'll get mad! She'll get mad!
[09:37] Sengoku
    If she sees me dressed this way,
    she'll think I'm a pervert...
[09:45] Araragi
    I wonder why...
[09:47] Araragi
    I think the fact that there was
    a problem at her mom's workplace

[09:50] Araragi
    saved something important
    for me, as a man.

[09:56] Araragi
    It was supposed to be
    tomorrow, but eh...

[10:00] Suruga
    This is Kanbaru Suruga!
[10:02] Suruga
    Kanbaru Suruga...
[10:04] Suruga
    Primary weapon, accelerator.
[10:05] Araragi
    You're a cyborg?!
[10:08] Suruga
    That voice and joke...
[10:10] Suruga
    It's you, Araragi-sempai.
[10:10] Araragi
    Yeah, but...
[10:12] Araragi
    Hey, you're at home, right?
[10:15] Suruga
    Yes, I am.
[10:16] Suruga
    Would you wait a minute, Araragi-sempai?
[10:19] Suruga
    I'll take my clothes off, right now.
[10:21] Araragi
    Why?
[10:23] Suruga
    What are you talking about,
    Araragi-sempai?
[10:26] Suruga
    It may be over the phone,
    but I'm still speaking to you.
[10:29] Suruga
    Thus, courtesy dictates that
    I must be naked.
[10:32] Araragi
    Don't speak as though I've
    never heard of courtesy.
[10:36] Araragi
    And stop trying to find excuses to strip!
[10:39] Suruga
    You've underestimated me.
[10:40] Suruga
    I guess you don't understand
    how fast I really am.
[10:45] Suruga
    I'm already naked!
[10:47] Araragi
    Already naked?
[10:48] Araragi
    Your perversion has finally gone further
[10:50] Araragi
    than I'm willing to go, Kanbaru!
[10:52] Suruga
    Oh, my...
[10:54] Suruga
    This is my house, and this is my room.
[10:57] Suruga
    No matter what I may wear or don't,
[10:58] Suruga
    that's a decision for me, and no one else.
[11:01] Araragi
    You're right.
[11:02] Araragi
    Sorry.
[11:04] Araragi
    You weren't getting naked
    outside or anything.
[11:06] Araragi
    I'm sorry for yelling.
[11:07] Suruga
    No, so long as you understand, it's fine.
[11:10] Suruga
    No matter how liberated I feel when naked,
[11:13] Suruga
    I only go outside naked occasionally.
[11:16] Araragi
    You do it occasionally?!
[11:17] Suruga
    Like in a bath.
[11:20] Suruga
    Or with the basketball team...
[11:21] Araragi
    You won't trick me this time...
[11:23] Araragi
    I bet it was at the bath,
    during your team trip, right?
[11:25] Suruga
    Close.
[11:26] Suruga
    It was on our trip.
[11:29] Suruga
    During the summer of our first year,
    I led a naked team trip.
[11:33] Araragi
    I hope your team gets banned!
[11:35] Suruga
    What's wrong, Araragi-sempai?
[11:38] Suruga
    It was obviously a joke.
[11:40] Suruga
    For you to believe such an obvious lie,
[11:42] Suruga
    you may be even dirtier than I am.
[11:46] Araragi
    Wh-What?
SIGN    Black Scene
[11:49] Suruga
    What's wrong, Kanbaru?
[11:50] Suruga
    I accidentally forgot to close
    the partition to my room...
SIGN    Grandmother
[11:54] Suruga
    And my grandmother came
    down the hallway.
[11:58] Suruga
    She looked at me with sad eyes,
[12:02] Suruga
    and passed me without missing a step!
[12:06] Araragi
    Well, the granddaughter she
    raised was on the phone,
[12:09] Araragi
    while stark naked.
[12:12] Suruga
    My life is over...
[12:14] Suruga
    How can I ever talk to her again?
[12:17] Araragi
    Hey, Kanbaru.
[12:19] Araragi
    Sorry to interrupt your emotional trauma,
[12:21] Araragi
    but I unexpectedly have the
    day off from my test prep.
[12:24] Araragi
    I know I promised to help clean
    your room tomorrow.
[12:28] Araragi
    But how about today?
[12:29] Suruga
    Sure...
[12:30] Suruga
    That's fine.
[12:32] Suruga
    Whatever day is best for you.
[12:35] Araragi
    Then I'll be right there.
SIGN    Black Scene
[13:07] Karen
    Oh, it's you, Nii-chan?
[13:09] Karen
    I thought it was an enemy.
[13:10] Araragi
    Do you have enemies?
[13:13] Araragi
    Jeez.
[13:14] Araragi
    Doing handstands that way, in public...
[13:17] Araragi
    Don't you have any dignity?
[13:19] Araragi
    You should act more like a girl
    who's going through puberty.
[13:22] Araragi
    What if you get a reputation?
[13:24] Karen
    I'm not sure I follow,
[13:27] Karen
    but I think you're trying to avoid
    talking about yourself.
[13:30] Araragi
    I'm not doing that at all.
[13:32] Araragi
    What are you doing out here?
[13:35] Karen
    Community service.
[13:36] Karen
    Just a bit of volunteer work.
[13:38] Araragi
    Volunteer work?
[13:40] Araragi
    You don't even know what
    that word means, idiot.
[13:50] Karen
    What are you doing, Nii-chan?!
[13:52] Karen
    That's dangerous.
[13:53] Araragi
    What's dangerous is what you're doing.
[13:55] Araragi
    And what are you doing?
[13:58] Karen
    I told you, community service.
[14:00] Karen
    Who do you think I am?
[14:03] Araragi
    I don't know.
[14:04] Araragi
    Who are you, anyway?
[14:06] Karen
    Slayer of a thousand demons...
[14:09] Karen
    Hell's guard dog, the Gumshoe Master!
[14:12] Araragi
    How cool...
[14:13] Karen
    Super-cool and perfect!
[14:14] Araragi
    I guarantee that, if nothing else,
    that pose is not cool at all.
[14:18] Karen
    Well, I'm a brightly burning girl.
[14:19] Araragi
    Burn to death.
SIGN    Black Scene
[14:21] Araragi
    But I will admit that I enjoy
    the inherent humor
[14:25] Araragi
    of saying cool things in
    that ridiculous pose.
[14:27] Karen
    I see, I see...
[14:29] Karen
    Then we'll make it a running gag of mine.
[14:33] Araragi
    Okay, let's practice.
[14:36] Araragi
    Say something cool. Anything at all.
[14:39] Karen
    If you wish to pass here, you must defeat me first!
[14:42] Araragi
    Cooler than expected.
[14:44] Karen
    And the reverse...
[14:45] Karen
    Leave this to me. You go on ahead!
[14:50] Karen
    Anyway,
[14:51] Karen
    I'm busy with some stuff right now.
[14:56] Karen
    Nii-chan, if you want to chat,
[14:58] Karen
    we'll do it tonight with Tsukihi-chan.
[15:00] Karen
    Will that work?
[15:05] Karen
    Hello?
[15:08] Karen
    Oh, yeah...
[15:17] Karen
    Nii-chan...
[15:18] Karen
    It's okay.
[15:19] Karen
    It looks like this really will be over soon.
[15:23] Karen
    Seems I'll have a heroic tale
[15:26] Karen
    to tell tonight!
[15:29] Araragi
    Who'd listen to that?
[15:31] Araragi
    The worst part of my day so far
[15:33] Araragi
    is finding out that you've nearly
    finished middle school,
[15:36] Araragi
    but still walk on your hands through the city.
[15:39] Karen
    Bye!
[15:41] Karen
    Hasta la vista!
SIGN    Suruga's Grandmother: Ah... Be kind to Suruga, Koyomi-kun.
[15:55] Araragi
    K-Kanbaru?
[15:58] Kanbaru
    Is that you, Araragi-sempai?
[16:00] Araragi
    Wait, Kanbaru!
[16:01] Araragi
    Do not turn over right now...
[16:02] Araragi
    If you turn over, we'll have a big problem!
[16:06] Kanbaru
    Oh, I apologize for this...
[16:11] Kanbaru
    I'm embarrassed to be this way
    in front of you.
[16:15] Kanbaru
    But for you to open the partition
    without knocking...
[16:19] Kanbaru
    That isn't anything like the
    Araragi-sempai I know,
[16:22] Kanbaru
    the paragon of virtue.
[16:25] Araragi
    Um, well...
[16:27] Araragi
    I wanted to see you depressed...
[16:31] Kanbaru
    If such an ugly thing satisfies you,
    you're free to watch as much as you like.
[16:36] Kanbaru
    Look long and well.
[16:38] Kanbaru
    This is who Kanbaru Suruga truly is.
[16:41] Kanbaru
    With nothing at all concealed.
[16:43] Araragi
    Well, that is...
[16:46] Araragi
    Sorry.
[16:48] Araragi
    Sorry, Kanbaru.
[16:50] Araragi
    Let me take responsibility.
[16:51] Kanbaru
    Responsibility?
[16:52] Kanbaru
    What could you mean by responsibility,
    Araragi-sempai?
[16:56] Araragi
    Let's get married!
[16:57] Kanbaru
    Wh-Why marriage?
[17:00] Araragi
    Well, even if it was just your
    back half, I saw you naked.
[17:03] Kanbaru
    You're skipping a few steps there.
[17:06] Kanbaru
    By that theory,
[17:07] Kanbaru
    how many girls would you need to marry?
[17:13] Araragi
    That isn't a very nice thing to say!
[17:16] Kanbaru
    Araragi-sempai,
[17:18] Kanbaru
    that's an extraordinarily attractive offer,
[17:21] Kanbaru
    but you don't need to take responsibility.
[17:23] Kanbaru
    If you did that, Senjougahara-sempai
    would get mad at me.
[17:28] Kanbaru
    Instead, Araragi-sempai,
    I do have a request...
[17:32] Kanbaru
    Would you fulfill it?
[17:35] Araragi
    Sure, anything.
[17:37] Araragi
    For today, I'm your slave!
[17:39] Kanbaru
    I'd like to get dressed.
    Could you wait in the hall?
[17:52] Araragi
    Kanbaru, what's this?
[17:53] Kanbaru
    Oh, my team uniform.
SIGN    Come to a Complete Stop
[17:56] Kanbaru
    I wondered where it had gone.
[17:59] Kanbaru
    And there it was.
SIGN    No Entry
[18:01] Araragi
    A practice uniform?
[18:03] Kanbaru
    No, it's a memento from my first year,
[18:05] Kanbaru
    when we made it to the nationals.
[18:08] Kanbaru
    Turn it over, and look inside.
[18:11] Kanbaru
    All of my teammates signed it.
[18:15] Araragi
    Do you not understand the concept
    of treasuring your memories?
[18:19] Kanbaru
    My memories are always in my heart.
[18:22] Araragi
    That's a great line, but...
[18:23] Araragi
    Actually, I've only seen you play
[18:28] Araragi
    in a single basketball game...
[18:30] Araragi
    Hey, Kanbaru.
[18:31] Araragi
    Would you put this on?
[18:33] Kanbaru
    Sure.
[18:35] Kanbaru
    I've grown out my hair, so I'll look
    different than I did then.
[18:39] Araragi
    Your hair grows awfully fast...
[18:43] Kanbaru
    Yeah?
SIGN    No Entry
[18:45] Araragi
    I've heard normal hair grows at
[18:47] Araragi
    a rate of one centimeter per month.
[18:50] Araragi
    But yours has grown at least five.
SIGN    No Entry
[18:52] Kanbaru
    Well, I'm really erotic.
[18:54] Koyomi
    She said it frankly!
[18:56] Kanbaru
    That's right.
[18:57] Kanbaru
    I'm so erotic,
[18:57] Kanbaru
    I thought that "peperoncino"
[19:00] Kanbaru
    was a dirty word for years.
[19:02] Araragi
    You should have realized
    that when you ate it!
[19:03] Kanbaru
    I once misheard "family rate"
    as "family rape."
SIGN    Family Rape
SIGN    Dangerous Object
[19:08] Kanbaru
    I mean, I once misheard
    "family rate" as "family hate."
SIGN    Family Hate
[19:12] Araragi
    That doesn't really make it better!
[19:14] Kanbaru
    And I remember recently thinking
[19:18] Kanbaru
    "bracelet" meant "let's take a breath."
SIGN    Erotic
[19:20] Araragi
    That isn't erotic at all.
    It's just a misunderstanding!
[19:23] Kanbaru
    "Bracelet,"
[19:24] Kanbaru
    I said, rather than, "Don't worry,"
    during matches,
[19:27] Kanbaru
    getting really embarrassed.
[19:29] Kanbaru
    I'll never forget my teammates'
    stunned expressions.
[19:33] Araragi
    Stop it...
[19:34] Araragi
    That episode is too embarrassing!
[19:38] Kanbaru
    Here... Well?
[19:40] Kanbaru
    Something like this, Araragi-sempai?
[19:44] Kanbaru
    When I wear this, I feel
    the way I did back then.
[19:47] Araragi
    Back then?
[19:49] Araragi
    When you played basketball?
SIGN    No Entry
[19:51] Kanbaru
    No, the naked team trip.
[19:52] Araragi
    You're totally aware of it?!
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    The Glasses-Wearing Secretary
    and the Glasses-Wearing Prince
[19:56] Araragi
    We can throw this one out...
[19:58] Araragi
    I guess it goes in the flammable trash.
[20:00] Kanbaru
    Araragi-sempai,
[20:01] Kanbaru
    that's flammable but it's not trash.
[20:03] Kanbaru
    It may be rotten, but I need it.
SIGN    Black Scene
[20:08] Araragi
    But all of these look the same...
[20:12] Araragi
    Can you tell the difference
    when you read them?
[20:14] Kanbaru
    Of course.
SIGN    Watch for Falling Books
[20:16] Kanbaru
    Any time one isn't familiar with something,
    it all looks the same.
[20:19] Kanbaru
    Knowledge and education
[20:21] Kanbaru
    are required to properly judge a thing.
[20:23] Araragi
    I see.
[20:24] Araragi
    But even still...
SIGN    The Glasses-Wearing Secretary and the Glasses-Wearing Prince
SIGN    The Glasses-Wearing Secretary and the Glasses-Wearing Prince
SIGN    The Glasses-Wearing Secretary and the Glasses-Wearing Prince
[20:28] Araragi
    I guess they're all handsome.
[20:31] Araragi
    I was just thinking you like 'em handsome...
[20:35] Araragi
    Maybe you aren't really a big pervert.
[20:39] Araragi
    Don't all girls like handsome guys?
[20:43] Araragi
    So it's natural to enjoy seeing
    handsome guys together.
[20:46] Araragi
    It's basically like an idol group, right?
[20:50] Kanbaru
    P-Please don't use simplified examples!
[20:53] Araragi
    It's not as though you only like guys
    who weigh more than 150 kg,
[20:56] Araragi
    or are turned on by the smell of old men.
[20:59] Kanbaru
    U-Um, well...
[21:02] Kanbaru
    If you say that to me,
    there's nothing else I can do...
[21:06] Kanbaru
    I'll strip!
[21:07] Kanbaru
    I'll strip right now.
[21:08] Araragi
    No, no, no, no.
[21:09] Araragi
    When you think about it,
    being underdressed
[21:12] Araragi
    at home is actually pretty normal...
[21:14] Araragi
    And even outside, it's only in a bath, right?
[21:16] Araragi
    I'm sorry for all the things I've said.
[21:18] Kanbaru
    I don't want you to apologize!
[21:20] Kanbaru
    Araragi-sempai,
[21:22] Kanbaru
    listen to what I have to say.
[21:23] Araragi
    And as you, yourself, said on the phone,
[21:27] Araragi
    maybe I'm the bigger pervert...
SIGN    She fell into complete disarray.
[21:32] Kanbaru
    That's... No!
[21:33] Kanbaru
    I just happened to have a lot of
    books like that around there!
[21:37] Kanbaru
    There's harder BL on a lower stratum!
[21:40] Kanbaru
    I know that BL is more than
    just handsome guys!
[21:43] Kanbaru
    Keep looking!
[21:45] Araragi
    Come on, Kanbaru.
[21:47] Araragi
    If you actually have to look for it,
    it isn't really you...
[21:53] Kanbaru
    Now I have no choice but
    to prove my innocence...
[22:00] Kanbaru
    Araragi-sempai, prepare yourself!
[22:02] Araragi
    Prepare myself for what?
[22:02] Kanbaru
    Don't worry...
[22:04] Kanbaru
    It only hurts at first.
[22:05] Kanbaru
    It'll feel good soon.
SIGN    Pedestrian
SIGN    Construction
[22:11] Kanbaru
    You have a pretty nice body yourself.
[22:14] Kanbaru
    I like these muscles.
[22:16] Kanbaru
    They feel great to touch!
[22:20] Kanbaru
    Stop struggling...
[22:22] Kanbaru
    It makes it harder to remove your underwear!
[22:26] Araragi
    I swore then that
[22:28] Araragi
    no matter when or how I
    encountered Hachikuji,
[22:31] Araragi
    I would never open the conversation
[22:37] Araragi
    with sexual harassment.

Season 1

E3 - Karen Bee, Part Three

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Araragi
    It's starting to look a little better.
[00:06] Araragi
    Want to take a break?
[00:08] Kanbaru
    Yeah, let's!
[00:10] Kanbaru
    Your cleaning skills are amazing.
[00:14] Kanbaru
    Perhaps I make my room messy
[00:17] Kanbaru
    just so I can see your skill.
[00:19] Araragi
    That'd be a pain, so cut it out.
[00:21] Kanbaru
    You'll make a great wife.
[00:23] Araragi
    I don't want to be a wife!
[00:25] Kanbaru
    I'd almost want you as my wife...
[00:27] Araragi
    No,
[00:28] Araragi
    I wouldn't want you for a husband.
[00:30] Kanbaru
    Then you'll marry me?
[00:32] Araragi
    If our positions were reversed.
[00:34] Araragi
    But either way, Senjougahara would kill you.
[00:37] Araragi
    Well, she'd probably kill me, too.
[00:40] Kanbaru
    But you know, Araragi-sempai...
[00:42] Kanbaru
    You and Senjougahara-sempai
[00:43] Kanbaru
    make a good couple.
[00:47] Kanbaru
    However,
[00:48] Kanbaru
    I think you'll end up marrying
    Hanekawa-sempai.
[00:51] Araragi
    Don't say that!
[00:53] Kanbaru
    And you'll have me for a lover,
SIGN    Koyomi Tsubasa
SIGN    Suruga
SIGN    Nadeko
[00:55] Kanbaru
    and maybe Sengoku-chan as your #3?
SIGN    Koyomi Suruga
[00:57] Araragi
    Following that logic,
SIGN    Nadeko
SIGN    Tsubasa
SIGN    Mayoi
[00:59] Araragi
    I'm really in love with Hachikuji.
[01:00] Araragi
    Th-That isn't true...
[01:02] Araragi
    I'm marrying Senjougahara someday.
SIGN    Cold Sweat
[01:07] Kanbaru
    I don't know what to say
[01:10] Kanbaru
    about your dream proposal.
[01:13] Kanbaru
    But still, Araragi-sempai,
[01:15] Kanbaru
    if I really pursued you, you couldn't refuse.
[01:19] Araragi
    T-To marry?
[01:21] Kanbaru
    Nope.
[01:23] Kanbaru
    To be your mistress!
[01:25] Araragi
    I would refuse!
[01:28] Kanbaru
    It's easy for girls to
[01:30] Kanbaru
    take advantage of your kindness,
    so be careful.
[01:33] Kanbaru
    That's what I mean.
[01:34] Kanbaru
    For now, that's all it is.
[01:37] Kanbaru
    I like our current relationship.
[01:39] Kanbaru
    I wouldn't do anything to endanger it.
[01:41] Kanbaru
    But should you ever do anything to
    hurt Senjougahara-sempai,
[01:46] Kanbaru
    I'm certain I would...
[01:51] Araragi
    Actually, if I married Hanekawa,
[01:55] Araragi
    wouldn't Senjougahara kill her, too?
[01:58] Araragi
    I wouldn't want that.
[02:00] Araragi
    Didn't I tell you?
[02:01] Araragi
    I'm more grateful to Hanekawa
    than to anyone else.
[02:04] Kanbaru
    Well...
[02:06] Kanbaru
    Hanekawa-sempai...
[02:08] Kanbaru
    Hanekawa-sempai and
    Senjougahara-sempai...
[02:12] Kanbaru
    Well, I don't think you should
    worry about that relationship.
[02:15] Araragi
    What?
[02:16] Kanbaru
    They have their own little world, you know.
[02:21] Kanbaru
    I'm not terribly pleased about it.
[02:24] Kanbaru
    But since those two are happy with it,
[02:26] Kanbaru
    it isn't my place to say anything.
[02:31] Araragi
    Oh, Kanbaru...
[02:33] Araragi
    Wanna play this, while we take a break?
[02:35] Kanbaru
    Oh, Hanafuda!
SIGN    Shishinden
[02:37] Kanbaru
    I forgot I had that.
[02:39] Kanbaru
    But I don't know the rules.
[02:41] Kanbaru
    I just bought it on a whim,
    at a department store.
[02:44] Araragi
    Oh, I see...
[02:46] Araragi
    Then we can't play.
[02:47] Kanbaru
    No, that's not true, Araragi-sempai.
[02:50] Kanbaru
    If you teach me, I can play!
[02:52] Kanbaru
    It may surprise you,
[02:54] Kanbaru
    but I'm good at learning
    the rules to games.
[02:59] Kanbaru
    What's wrong, Araragi-sempai?
[03:01] Kanbaru
    This round, you're the parent.
[03:03] Araragi
    Sorry...
[03:04] Araragi
    I've got a four-hand.
[03:05] Araragi
    That's six points.
SIGN    Koyomi Suruga
[03:09] Araragi
    So, yeah...
[03:11] Araragi
    That was a rare hand, so let's end it here.
[03:13] Kanbaru
    Wait! Grr...
[03:15] Kanbaru
    We still have one match left.
[03:17] Araragi
    Don't get so mad...
[03:19] Araragi
    Bracelet! Bracelet!
[03:21] Araragi
    It's just a game.
[03:22] Kanbaru
    How can you win without
    even taking it seriously?!
[03:25] Araragi
    But I am winning.
[03:28] Araragi
    It's just a game.
[03:30] Araragi
    You should enjoy it...
[03:32] Araragi
    For example, look at Sengoku.
[03:34] Araragi
    She taught me something called "Twister."
[03:37] Araragi
    She lost to a total newbie like me,
[03:39] Araragi
    but she still seemed really happy.
[03:41] Kanbaru
    Araragi-sempai,
[03:42] Kanbaru
    it seems you've not yet recognized
[03:45] Kanbaru
    the true final boss's existence.
[03:47] Araragi
    What are you talking about?
[03:49] Kanbaru
    Nothing.
[03:50] Kanbaru
    It's not for me to say anything.
[04:00] Araragi
    Kanbaru?
[04:01] Kanbaru
    What is it, Araragi-sempai?
[04:03] Araragi
    We should decide a punishment game first.
[04:05] Kanbaru
    You're certainly in a hurry.
[04:06] Kanbaru
    And I intend to ask for a sexual pact...
[04:09] Kanbaru
    I mean, sexual act.
[04:12] Araragi
    I see.
[04:12] Araragi
    You can order me to die, if you want.
[04:14] Araragi
    Never, ever, start gambling!
SIGN    Episode 3: Karen Bee, Part 3
[05:53] Araragi
    I asked Kanbaru about something
    I'd been wondering...
[05:57] Araragi
    What she tells her family
[05:59] Araragi
    about her left arm.
[06:02] Kanbaru
    I tell them it's injured.
[06:04] Kanbaru
    I don't think it's something
    I could really explain.
[06:08] Araragi
    But does that work?
[06:10] Araragi
    Unlike my vampirism,
[06:12] Araragi
    your left arm is something they can see.
[06:16] Kanbaru
    Well, my grandma and grandpa
[06:19] Kanbaru
    do worry about me, naturally.
[06:22] Kanbaru
    But despite everything,
    what happened with
[06:25] Kanbaru
    my mother puts a wall
     between me and them.
[06:27] Kanbaru
    So they never ask anything
[06:31] Kanbaru
    I wouldn't want them to ask.
[06:37] Kanbaru
    Either way, I only have to tolerate it
[06:39] Kanbaru
    for a few more years.
[06:53] Kaiki
    Are you a child from this household?
[06:55] Araragi
    No...
[06:58] Araragi
    Actually, I'm not.
[07:03] Kaiki
    I apologize.
[07:05] Kaiki
    I haven't introduced myself.
[07:07] Kaiki
    The caution you've shown a total stranger
    is extremely appropriate.
[07:11] Kaiki
    Treasure it.
[07:14] Kaiki
    My name is Kaiki.
[07:16] Araragi
    Kaiki?
[07:17] Kaiki
    Yes.
[07:18] Kaiki
    "Kai," like a mound of clamshells.
[07:19] Kaiki
    "Ki," like a dead tree.
[07:23] Araragi
    My name is Araragi.
[07:26] Araragi
    The kanji are, uh...
[07:27] Kaiki
    No need to explain.
[07:30] Kaiki
    It's a name I just heard said.
[07:37] Kaiki
    But I suppose if I'm a dead tree,
[07:40] Kaiki
    you must be a sapling.
[07:44] Araragi
    Well, if you need something
    at Kanbaru's place...
[07:49] Kaiki
    You're polite, for a child these days.
[07:53] Kaiki
    And kind, too. Interesting.
[07:57] Kaiki
    But your kindness is wasted on me.
[08:01] Kaiki
    And I've no particular business
    with this household.
[08:04] Kaiki
    However...
[08:06] Kaiki
    I'd heard that the Gaen child lived here.
[08:12] Kaiki
    I haven't anything to do here,
    but I thought I might take a look.
[08:15] Kaiki
    That's all.
[08:17] Araragi
    Gaen?
[08:18] Araragi
    Isn't that the maiden name
    of Kanbaru's mother?

[08:21] Araragi
    Then her child would be Kanbaru Suruga?
[08:28] Kaiki
    But I've wasted my time.
[08:31] Kaiki
    I hardly feel any aura at all.
[08:33] Kaiki
    One-third, I'd say...
[08:36] Kaiki
    It won't cause problems if I ignore it.
[08:39] Kaiki
    No, I have no choice but to ignore it.
[08:41] Kaiki
    Unfortunately, there's no money to be made.
[08:46] Kaiki
    The lesson for me here is that
[08:50] Kaiki
    even if the truth is as one suspects,
[08:53] Kaiki
    it may still be worthless.
[09:02] Araragi
    Um...
[09:09] Araragi
    No...
[09:10] Araragi
    He's totally different from
    that slacker, Oshino.
[09:14] Araragi
    He was more like Guillotine Cutter.
[09:18] Araragi
    Well, both Oshino and Guillotine Cutter
[09:21] Araragi
    were totally different types, but...
[09:26] Araragi
    I'll follow him.
[09:34] Araragi
    Maybe it's intuition,
[09:36] Araragi
    but I have a feeling that it's a bad
    idea to get involved with him.

[09:40] Araragi
    Those strange, depressing funeral clothes.
[09:43] Araragi
    But there was something far beyond that...
[09:46] Araragi
    Something ominous.
[09:48] Araragi
    Ominous...
[09:49] Araragi
    And threatening.
SIGN    A Threat
[10:01] Araragi
    Hey! Senjougahara!
[10:09] Araragi
    Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
[10:14] Araragi
    Don't do things that will seriously depress me!
SIGN    No Entry
[10:22] Araragi
    Hey, Senjougahara.
[10:25] Senjougahara
    I don't know any boy who'd
    neglect his studies,
[10:29] Senjougahara
    to wander around here.
[10:30] Araragi
    Well... Y-You've misunderstood.
[10:34] Senjougahara
    Silence. I most certainly have not.
[10:37] Senjougahara
    Running from my tutelage is one thing,
    but to run from Hanekawa-san's,
[10:41] Senjougahara
    you must be a true coward.
[10:43] Senjougahara
    I'm disappointed in you.
[10:44] Araragi
    No, no.
[10:45] Araragi
    Hanekawa's busy today,
    and couldn't make it.
[10:48] Senjougahara
    I'm tired of excuses, incompetent fool.
[10:51] Senjougahara
    In the end, you're all talk, Araragi-kun.
[10:55] Senjougahara
    The fact that a man like you won my heart
[10:58] Senjougahara
    will shame me for the rest of my life.
[11:00] Araragi
    You say things that would drive
    any other man to suicide,
[11:03] Araragi
    all like it's nothing, you know?
[11:05] Senjougahara
    Insect.
[11:15] Araragi
    Gahara-san! Gahara-san!
[11:16] Senjougahara
    What is it, Churaragi-kun.
[11:18] Araragi
    Don't say my name like an obscure
    regional Okinawa word!
[11:21] Araragi
    My name is Araragi!
[11:23] Araragi
    And that's Hachikuji's gag!
[11:26] Senjougahara
    Sorry! I bit my tongue.
[11:27] Araragi
    No, you did it deliberately.
[11:29] Senjougahara
    I bit my tongue, and you can die.
[11:30] Araragi
    She really did do it deliberately!
[11:32] Senjougahara
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[11:33] Senjougahara
    I actually hate human garbage like you.
[11:38] Araragi
    Are you just taking advantage
    of your tsundere status
[11:41] Araragi
    to say what you really think?!
[11:43] Senjougahara
    But they say a woman's better off
[11:46] Senjougahara
    with an unloved man,
    versus a man who loves.
[11:49] Araragi
    That isn't quite right!
SIGN    An Unloved Man
[11:50] Senjougahara
    It's a joke.
[11:52] Senjougahara
    Everyone loves you,
    and you're super-popular.
SIGN    Watch your head.
SIGN    Danger Zone
SIGN    Danger
[12:05] Senjougahara
    Stare.
[12:06] Senjougahara
    Three. Or maybe it's five?
[12:09] Araragi
    Wh-What's that?
[12:11] Senjougahara
    The number of girls you've
    played with today.
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Five
[12:19] Senjougahara
    Six, to be completely accurate.
SIGN    Six
SIGN    Grandma
[12:23] Senjougahara
    So, with that in the open,
SIGN    Danger Zone
SIGN    Danger
[12:26] Senjougahara
    everyone loves you,
    and you're super-popular.
[12:35] Senjougahara
    Don't worry, Araragi-san.
SIGN    Danger Zone
SIGN    Danger
[12:38] Senjougahara
    I may not seem it,
[12:39] Senjougahara
    but I'm quite tolerant regarding adultery.
[12:42] Araragi
    I'm not committing adultery.
[12:43] Araragi
    I'm not even engaging in the "adult" part.
[12:46] Senjougahara
    So regardless of what you play, with whom,
[12:49] Senjougahara
    that is your choice.
[12:52] Senjougahara
    But if any of it ever gets the
    slightest bit serious,
[12:55] Senjougahara
    I'll kill you.
SIGN    Danger Zone
SIGN    Danger
[12:59] Senjougahara
    Don't worry.
[13:00] Senjougahara
    I won't let you die alone.
[13:03] Senjougahara
    I'll send the other woman
    right after you.
[13:06] Araragi
    Why don't you just die, too?
[13:07] Senjougahara
    Then I'll send Kanbaru,
    so you don't get lonely!
[13:11] Araragi
    What do you think Kanbaru is?
[13:13] Senjougahara
    An underclassman I can
    use however I like.
[13:14] Araragi
    A cruel definition,
    stated without hesitation!
[13:16] Senjougahara
    A joke.
[13:17] Senjougahara
    Kanbaru is a cute little underclassman.
[13:19] Senjougahara
    And I don't believe in life
    after death at all.
[13:24] Araragi
    I see...
[13:26] Senjougahara
    I just wanted you to understand that
[13:29] Senjougahara
    this is what it means to date me.
[13:33] Araragi
    I get it.
[13:34] Araragi
    I wouldn't cheat, anyway.
[13:36] Senjougahara
    Okay.
[13:38] Senjougahara
    Very well, then.
[13:39] Senjougahara
    As long as you don't forget
    to whom you belong,
[13:43] Senjougahara
    that's fine.
[13:45] Senjougahara
    I put a decent amount of effort
    into being your woman.
[13:50] Senjougahara
    If possible, I'd like you to do the same.
[13:54] Araragi
    Effort, huh?
[13:56] Araragi
    I am...
[13:57] Araragi
    I've never forgotten to whom I belong.
[14:00] Senjougahara
    I see...
[14:04] Senjougahara
    By the way, Araragi-kun,
SIGN    Danger Zone
[14:05] Senjougahara
    that said, I'd like to be certain
    that you know this...
[14:11] Senjougahara
    Speaking as a girlfriend,
    it's actually quite wonderful
[14:15] Senjougahara
    to have such a popular boyfriend.
[14:17] Araragi
    Too close to what she's really thinking!
[14:21] Araragi
    Are you going somewhere?
[14:23] Senjougahara
    I finished my shopping, and I'm heading home.
[14:26] Senjougahara
    Speaking of which, what are
    you doing out here?
[14:29] Senjougahara
    This isn't your normal territory.
[14:31] Araragi
    Can't you tell?
[14:33] Senjougahara
    Unfortunately, I've never studied the
    actions of microscopic organisms.
[14:38] Senjougahara
    But if I had to guess regardless,
    given what I know about you,
[14:41] Senjougahara
    I'd say you're returning from
    some misdemeanor.
[14:44] Araragi
    Do you think I just go out
     and commit misdemeanors?
[14:47] Araragi
    I'm on my way back from Kanbaru's.
[14:50] Senjougahara
    I see.
[14:50] Senjougahara
    You were committing
    misdemeanors at Kanbaru's.
[14:52] Araragi
    I was not!
[14:53] Senjougahara
    Oh?
[14:54] Senjougahara
    I thought you saw Kanbaru naked.
[14:57] Araragi
    I... I did not!
[14:58] Araragi
    At least, not from the front.
[15:01] Araragi
    I simply thought a minor detail
    like that wasn't worth sharing.

[15:05] Araragi
    Come to think of it,
[15:07] Araragi
    I saw a weird guy in front
    of Kanbaru's house.
[15:09] Senjougahara
    Oh?
[15:10] Senjougahara
    When did they hang a mirror
    in front of Kanbaru's house?
[15:13] Araragi
    He was strange...
[15:15] Araragi
    Kind of ill-omened.
[15:18] Senjougahara
    Ill-omened?
[15:19] Araragi
    His name was...
[15:22] Araragi
    Kaiki?
[15:24] Araragi
    Was that it?
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Five
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Two
SIGN    One
SIGN    7/30 Early Morning
[15:40] Araragi
    Do you know this Kaiki guy?
[15:53] Senjougahara
    I'd prefer that you not ask.
[15:56] Araragi
    If I shouldn't, then I won't.
[15:58] Araragi
    But that isn't really the case, is it?
[16:00] Araragi
    If you have to do all this...
[16:04] Araragi
    It was just to protect me.
[16:05] Araragi
    Senjougahara kidnapped me
[16:08] Araragi
    in order to protect me.
[16:14] Araragi
    For you to go to these lengths,
[16:16] Araragi
    it must be a big deal.
[16:17] Senjougahara
    You think so?
[16:18] Senjougahara
    Personally, I'd say that it's likely
[16:21] Senjougahara
    that I'd kidnap you, with even
    the slightest of pretexts.
[16:25] Araragi
    Yeah...
[16:31] Senjougahara
    Kaiki Deishuu.
[16:34] Senjougahara
    That's his name.
[16:36] Senjougahara
    Kaiki is an uncommon name.
[16:38] Senjougahara
    And if you saw him and "ill-omened"
    sprang to mind, that's him.
[16:41] Senjougahara
    I know no other man who suits
[16:43] Senjougahara
    that term so well.
[16:46] Senjougahara
    Yes,
[16:47] Senjougahara
    just as you know nothing at all...
[16:51] Senjougahara
    I hadn't imagined he'd
    return to this town...
[16:54] Senjougahara
    Surprising, inexplicable...
[16:56] Senjougahara
    Honestly, I didn't expect it in the slightest.
[16:58] Araragi
    What's he like?
[17:00] Araragi
    It's unusual for you to have such antipathy
[17:02] Senjougahara
    for someone.
[17:05] Senjougahara
    Kaiki is a fraud.
[17:09] Senjougahara
    You and Oshino-san solved my problem,
[17:13] Senjougahara
    if you recall?
[17:18] Araragi
    Yeah.
[17:19] Senjougahara
    And did I not tell you?
[17:21] Senjougahara
    How, before you introduced
    me to Oshino-san,
[17:24] Senjougahara
    I met with five con men.
SIGN    Three Four Two One Five
[17:28] Senjougahara
    Kaiki was one of them.
[17:30] Senjougahara
    The first.
[17:32] Araragi
    I understand.
[17:33] Araragi
    His feel was akin to that of Oshino
    and Guillotine Cutter.

[17:37] Araragi
    Those two are similar by virtue of their
    expertise in the supernatural.

[17:41] Araragi
    And Kaiki...
[17:42] Araragi
    Kaiki Deishuu is just like them.
[17:46] Araragi
    Regardless of whether he's
    for real or a fake...
[17:49] Senjougahara
    He's a fake,
[17:50] Senjougahara
    but he's a master con man.
[17:53] Senjougahara
    My entire family and I have
    suffered greatly at his hands.
[17:57] Senjougahara
    He did a few tricks, took our money,
[18:00] Senjougahara
    and vanished without helping at all.
[18:03] Senjougahara
    But that's a minor issue.
[18:07] Araragi
    So, what isn't minor?
[18:10] Senjougahara
    I do not
[18:11] Senjougahara
    want you involved with him.
[18:15] Senjougahara
    That's all.
[18:17] Senjougahara
    I will no longer relinquish that
    which is important to me.
[18:20] Senjougahara
    I won't lose anything else.
[18:21] Senjougahara
    Therefore,
[18:23] Senjougahara
    I am going to protect you, Araragi-kun.
[18:31] Araragi
    Is this Kaiki that much of a problem?
[18:35] Araragi
    Why do you want me to keep away?
[18:37] Senjougahara
    Hmm...
[18:38] Senjougahara
    He's too much for a man
    of justice like yourself.
[18:41] Araragi
    A man of justice?
[18:43] Araragi
    I'm not one of the Fire Sisters.
[18:45] Senjougahara
    Until I know at least what he's after,
[18:49] Senjougahara
    why he's returned,
[18:52] Senjougahara
    I'd like you to please remain here.
[18:57] Senjougahara
    No.
[18:58] Senjougahara
    Even if he isn't here for any specific reason,
[19:01] Senjougahara
    I'd like you to stay here until he leaves.
[19:05] Araragi
    What if he moves here?
[19:09] Senjougahara
    If he moves here...
[19:12] Senjougahara
    Then you'll have to spend the rest
    of your life in this room.
[19:14] Araragi
    Hey, Gahara-san!
[19:15] Senjougahara
    Or...
[19:17] Senjougahara
    I could kill Kaiki.
[19:18] Araragi
    Wait.
[19:19] Senjougahara
    I know. I'll go "click" on him.
[19:22] Araragi
    "Click"?
[19:23] Araragi
    Cute sounds do not make it okay!
SIGN    Not Okay
[19:25] Araragi
    And it isn't okay!
[19:26] Araragi
    Anyway, what is this Kaiki guy...
[19:31] Araragi
    Can I look at that?
[19:45] Araragi
    Wait, you're groping around too much!
[19:47] Araragi
    Where are you touching me?
[19:49] Senjougahara
    It's hard to reach, deep in your pocket.
[19:51] Araragi
    My pockets aren't that deep.
[19:53] Senjougahara
    I see.
[19:54] Senjougahara
    Neither your life nor your pockets
    are that deep, right?
[19:56] Senjougahara
    Do you have to hurt me,
    to find my cell phone?
SIGN    From: Younger Little Sister Subject: Help Me
[20:12] Senjougahara
    Araragi-kun?
[20:18] Senjougahara
    Where are you going?
[20:21] Araragi
    I've got somewhere to be.
[20:23] Araragi
    That's enough playing around.
[20:24] Araragi
    Sorry, but I'm going home.
[20:26] Senjougahara
    Do you think you can?
[20:28] Araragi
    I do. It's my home.
[20:30] Araragi
    And my family.
SIGN    Koyomi Voice /Dialogue
[20:32] Senjougahara
    Just so we're clear,
[20:34] Senjougahara
    I'm not such a coward that I'd hesitate
    because I'm facing a vampire.
[20:38] Senjougahara
    Nor kind enough to hesitate
    because I'm facing my lover.
[20:42] Araragi
    I know that.
[20:45] Araragi
    It's why I like you.
[20:48] Senjougahara
    If you want to get past me,
    you'll have to defeat me.
[20:52] Senjougahara
    Can you do that?
[20:54] Araragi
    I can.
[20:55] Araragi
    Those lines don't work
    unless they're said together.
[20:58] Araragi
    Just as you claim to wish to protect me,
[21:01] Araragi
    I have something I want to protect.
[21:03] Senjougahara
    Do you expect those words
    to convince me?
[21:06] Araragi
    They don't need to, right?
[21:08] Senjougahara
    I don't know about that.
[21:10] Senjougahara
    I'd prefer that you not consider me to be
    the understanding type of woman.
[21:14] Araragi
    But, Senjougahara...
[21:16] Araragi
    Then when you fell in love,
    what did you like about me?
[21:19] Araragi
    Can you boldly claim to love me,
    even if I do nothing here?
[21:22] Senjougahara
    Oh, no.
[21:24] Senjougahara
    That's really cool.
[21:25] Senjougahara
    If I were a man, I'd love you.
[21:28] Araragi
    Stay a woman, and love me anyway!
[21:30] Senjougahara
    I do.
[21:37] Senjougahara
    Hello?
[21:39] Senjougahara
    I'm busy right now.
[21:43] Senjougahara
    N-No...
[21:46] Senjougahara
    That's a misunderstanding...
[21:47] Senjougahara
    I never said a word about that.
[21:50] Senjougahara
    Wait a second...
[21:51] Senjougahara
    You don't have to do that.
[21:53] Senjougahara
    That wasn't the deal.
[21:54] Senjougahara
    Stop, please...
[21:55] Senjougahara
    Give me some time.
[21:59] Senjougahara
    All right.
[22:01] Senjougahara
    I'll do everything you say.
[22:10] Senjougahara
    You can go home, Araragi-kun.
[22:14] Senjougahara
    Are you sure?
[22:16] Senjougahara
    I'm sure.
[22:17] Senjougahara
    A-And Araragi-kun...
[22:19] Senjougahara
    Well, you know...
[22:23] Senjougahara
    I'm s-sorr... I'm sorry...
[22:30] Senjougahara
    Hey, Gahara-san?
[22:32] Senjougahara
    Who were you talking to, by the way?
SIGN    White Scene
[22:37] Senjougahara
    To be continued.
[22:38] Senjougahara
    Hanekawa-san.
SIGN    

Season 1

E4 - Karen Bee, Part Four

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Karen
    I'm right!
[00:07] Tsukihi
    Karen-chan...
[00:08] Koyomi
    For now, just tell me what happened.
[00:11] Koyomi
    Weren't you going to have a heroic tale for me?
[00:15] Koyomi
    I'll ask once more, bigger little sister...
[00:17] Koyomi
    Tell me what happened.
[00:19] Karen
    Nope!
[00:24] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun?
[00:26] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun, you were really upset when
[00:30] Hanekawa
    my father hit me, right?
[00:32] Hanekawa
    So why are you about to hit your little sister?
[00:37] Hanekawa
    I think physical punishment is
[00:39] Hanekawa
    appropriate to some circumstances.
[00:42] Hanekawa
    If you can give some reason,
[00:43] Hanekawa
    which will satisfy Karen-chan,
[00:46] Hanekawa
    even after you've hit her,
[00:48] Hanekawa
    then it's all right.
[00:50] Koyomi
    I'm sorry.
[00:51] Hanekawa
    Why are you apologizing to me?
[00:54] Koyomi
    I'm very sorry.
[00:55] Koyomi
    I got too emotional.
[00:56] Karen
    Hey, Tsubasa-san,
[00:57] Karen
    don't be mad at my brother.
[00:59] Karen
    This one was my fault.
[01:02] Karen
    And if he'd hit me, I would've hit him back.
[01:05] Hanekawa
    I see.
[01:06] Hanekawa
    Then I guess my help wasn't needed.
[01:08] Karen
    That's right, Tsubasa-san.
[01:10] Hanekawa
    But I don't think you'd have
    been able to hit him back.
[01:13] Karen
    If not, I'd have bitten him.
[01:16] Karen
    You don't know how strong my teeth are.
[01:19] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, don't be mad, okay?
[01:23] Tsukihi
    Hanekawa-san is
[01:24] Tsukihi
    helping the Fire Sisters with this...
[01:27] Koyomi
    I'm very mad!
[01:28] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun, keep it down.
[01:32] Hanekawa
    You'll wake up your parents.
[01:34] Hanekawa
    And I didn't realize
[01:35] Hanekawa
    you yelled at your sisters that way.
[01:38] Hanekawa
    I'm surprised.
SIGN    They're pretending to be good in front of Hanekawa.
[01:40] Koyomi
    This is really hard!
[01:41] Tsukihi
    Hanekawa-san, don't get mad at Onii-chan.
[01:45] Tsukihi
    He's just worried that we're
[01:49] Tsukihi
    causing trouble for you.
[01:50] Koyomi
    Jeez.
[01:51] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun,
[01:53] Hanekawa
    I'm cooperating with Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan
[01:55] Hanekawa
    of my own free will.
[01:57] Hanekawa
    So don't blame them.
[01:59] Hanekawa
    The Araragi-kun I know wouldn't get
[02:01] Hanekawa
    angry with his sisters for no reason, would he?
[02:07] Koyomi
    Okay, okay.
[02:09] Koyomi
    I won't get mad.
[02:10] Koyomi
    I promise.
[02:10] Karen
    And you won't tell Mom and Dad?
[02:13] Koyomi
    I won't.
[02:14] Koyomi
    So explain. What was the big deal,
[02:16] Koyomi
    and what happened after that?
[02:18] Karen
    Hmm, what happened then, I wonder...
[02:22] Koyomi
    Hanekawa, would you go to
    my room for a second?
[02:25] Karen
    Nii-chan is trying to get
    Tsubasa-san into his room!
SIGN    I will kill you someday.
[02:30] Hanekawa
    All right. Let's go.
[02:32] Hanekawa
    It's okay, Karen-chan... Tsukihi-chan.
[02:35] Hanekawa
    You did the right thing.
[02:38] Hanekawa
    Once he talks to me,
    I'm sure he'll understand.
[02:41] Hanekawa
    I'll tell him everything, so don't worry.
[02:43] Both Hanekawas
    Tsubasa-san!
    Hanekawa-san!
[02:47] Hanekawa
    I trust your brother.
[02:55] Koyomi
    Hey, big one.
[02:57] Karen
    What is it, little one?
[02:59] Koyomi
    You're probably right.
[03:01] Koyomi
    You always are.
[03:03] Koyomi
    I won't deny that.
[03:04] Koyomi
    But that's all you are.
[03:07] Koyomi
    You're never strong.
[03:09] Koyomi
    And if you're not strong, you'll lose.
[03:11] Koyomi
    You do enough martial arts to know that.
[03:15] Koyomi
    The first requirement of being
    a hero isn't being right.
[03:18] Koyomi
    It's being strong.
[03:20] Koyomi
    That's why the hero always wins.
[03:22] Koyomi
    You need to learn that.
[03:24] Koyomi
    Until you do, what you're doing is just a game.
[03:29] Koyomi
    And you'll only be fakes.
SIGN    Episode 4: Karen Bee, Part 4
[03:43] Hanekawa
    It's kind of different...
[03:45] Hanekawa
    The way you worry about your sisters,
[03:49] Hanekawa
    or Senjougahara-san,
[03:51] Hanekawa
    or Mayoi-chan,
[03:52] Hanekawa
    or Kanbaru-san,
[03:53] Hanekawa
    or Sengoku-chan, is totally different
[03:56] ---
    than how you worry about me.
[03:57] Hanekawa
    I don't know how to explain it.
[03:59] Hanekawa
    It feels more desperate.
[04:01] Koyomi
    Desperate?
[04:02] Hanekawa
    It's like a totally different personality.
[04:07] Hanekawa
    You were pretty hard
[04:09] Hanekawa
    on them back there, weren't you?
[04:11] Hanekawa
    "You're only right,
    you aren't strong."
[04:13] Hanekawa
    It sounded like
[04:14] Hanekawa
    you were telling yourself that, too.
[04:17] Koyomi
    You're saying they bother me because
    I have the same problem?
[04:19] Hanekawa
    I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear.
[04:22] Hanekawa
    But I think it's more like
[04:26] Hanekawa
    you bother yourself.
[04:27] Koyomi
    Hanekawa, you've only known them for
[04:30] Koyomi
    a month or so, so you might not understand.
[04:35] Koyomi
    But I've lived with Karen-chan
    for fifteen years,
[04:37] Koyomi
    and Tsukihi-chan for fourteen.
[04:40] Koyomi
    And from that experience, I can tell you...
[04:44] Koyomi
    Hanekawa?
[04:46] Hanekawa
    Sorry, sorry.
[04:47] Hanekawa
    But you call them "-chan," huh?
[04:52] Koyomi
    B-Big mistake!
[04:56] Hanekawa
    Don't worry about it.
[04:58] Hanekawa
    I call them that, too.
[05:01] Koyomi
    I-It isn't like that.
[05:02] Koyomi
    I was just, you know,
    imitating how you talk...
[05:06] Koyomi
    That's right.
[05:07] Koyomi
    It's a type of rhetorical trick,
[05:09] Koyomi
    and normally, I don't...
[05:13] Koyomi
    Th-That aside.
[05:16] Koyomi
    Let's get to the point, Hanekawa.
[05:18] Koyomi
    We might not have much time.
[05:20] Hanekawa
    That's true...
[05:23] Koyomi
    But I at least know the beginning, right?
[05:27] Koyomi
    They were looking for the source of the charm
[05:30] Koyomi
    that's circulating among the middle school kids.
[05:32] Hanekawa
    Huh? How did you know?
[05:34] Koyomi
    Sengoku told me.
[05:36] Koyomi
    Unfortunately, my little sisters...
[05:38] Hanekawa
    Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan!
[05:41] Koyomi
    My little sis—
[05:42] Hanekawa
    Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan!
SIGN    Black Scene
[05:46] Koyomi
    Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan are
[05:48] Koyomi
    famous among middle school kids.
[05:51] Koyomi
    So Sengoku hears about
    anything they're up to.
[05:55] Hanekawa
    I see.
[05:56] Hanekawa
    Come to think of it,
[05:58] Hanekawa
    wasn't Sengoku-chan one of
    that charm's victims?
[06:02] Koyomi
    The only victim.
[06:04] Hanekawa
    Not the only victim.
[06:06] Hanekawa
    But the biggest victim.
SIGN    "You can sit on the bed." "Araragi-kun, you shouldn't
[06:08] Hanekawa
    But the charms are having
SIGN    just ask a girl to your bed like that." "Why not?"
SIGN    Sengoku asked me to sit on her bed.
    She even said I couldn't sit anywhere else.

[06:10] Hanekawa
    a lot of negative effects.
SIGN    I sit in my chair.
    "By the way, Hanekawa, it's late.
    Why are you in your uniform?"
SIGN    Right. I'd been meaning to say something,
    but hadn't had the chance.

SIGN    Hanekawa Tsubasa is always in her uniform.
    "I'm used to you wearing your uniform over break,
[06:13] Koyomi
    Negative effects?
SIGN    so it's fine, but... Don't you have any other clothes? I've never seen you not wearing your uniform!"
[06:14] Hanekawa
    Mostly in terms of relationships.
SIGN    "You saw me in my PJ's." "Pajamas don't count."
SIGN    I'd also seen her in her underwear. But that
    doesn't really count, either. What I want to see

SIGN    is what Hanekawa picks to wear
    when she's going out somewhere!

[06:17] Hanekawa
    But when we looked into it, we found that
SIGN    When will I ever see them?
    "Well, there's no real reason.
    I met Tsukihi-chan this evening,
SIGN    and then we came here. Maybe I should start the story there?"
[06:20] Hanekawa
    all the charms going around were curses.
SIGN    "Yeah, thanks."
[06:22] Hanekawa
    There was a definite trend.
[06:24] Hanekawa
    Their guess, that someone was
    deliberately spreading them,
[06:29] ---
    probably was just a guess.
[06:32] Hanekawa
    But even so, it wasn't completely wrong.
[06:36] Koyomi
    By the way,
[06:38] Koyomi
    how long have you been going
    around with them?
[06:40] Hanekawa
    I haven't been going around with them.
[06:43] Hanekawa
    Once in a while, they ask
    me for help, and I do.
[06:46] Hanekawa
    To answer the question of
    how long it's been...
[06:49] Hanekawa
    Hmm,
[06:50] Hanekawa
    I suppose since the start
    of summer vacation.
[06:54] Koyomi
    So you helped them.
[06:56] Koyomi
    In other words, you found out
    who was behind it.
[06:59] Koyomi
    Basically, it was none other
    than Hanekawa Tsubasa

[07:03] Koyomi
    who was calling Karen's phone that time.
SIGN    Black Scene
[07:06] Hanekawa
    I'd prefer you didn't try and
    act like this is my fault...
[07:09] Koyomi
    That's what worried Oshino about you...
[07:13] Koyomi
    That you're too smart,
[07:14] Koyomi
    and you'll always find the answer.
[07:16] Hanekawa
    I suppose so.
[07:18] Hanekawa
    But that doesn't mean I can
    not do my best.
[07:21] Koyomi
    Yeah.
[07:22] Koyomi
    Just as I, Karen-chan, or Tsukihi-chan...
[07:27] Koyomi
    Just as I, Karen-chan, or Tsukihi-chan
[07:29] Koyomi
    must accept our weakness,
[07:32] Koyomi
    you must accept your strength.
SIGN    Black Scene
[07:36] Koyomi
    So then what? Karen-chan went to talk
[07:38] Koyomi
    to whoever was behind this,
[07:41] Koyomi
    and they did something to her?
[07:42] Hanekawa
    That's right.
[07:44] Hanekawa
    I was busy with something else,
[07:46] Hanekawa
    and only arrived later.
[07:48] Hanekawa
    So I didn't see the culprit directly.
[07:51] Hanekawa
    If only I could have met up with
    Karen-chan earlier,
[07:55] ---
    I'd have been able to help.
[07:57] Koyomi
    Karen-chan said who it was, right?
[08:00] Hanekawa
    Um...
[08:01] Hanekawa
    Some weird, ill-omened guy
[08:03] Hanekawa
    named Kaiki Deishuu.
SIGN    Black Scene
[08:11] Koyomi
    I decided to leave my sisters
    in Hanekawa's care,

[08:14] Koyomi
    and take a bath.
[08:16] Koyomi
    To be honest, I needed time to cool off,
[08:19] Koyomi
    or I was just going to yell at them again.
[08:24] Koyomi
    That's right, Hanekawa...
[08:26] Koyomi
    What were you talking about
[08:28] Koyomi
    over the phone, with Senjougahara?
[08:30] Hanekawa
    Oh, that?
[08:32] Hanekawa
    Tsukihi-chan sent a message
    on her cell phone.
[08:34] Hanekawa
    But she said it was strange that
    there was no response.
[08:37] Hanekawa
    So I called.
[08:41] Hanekawa
    For all they might say, they trust you.
[08:45] Koyomi
    Well, I figured that was what happened.
[08:49] Koyomi
    But how did you manage to
    persuade Senjougahara?
[08:53] Hanekawa
    It was nothing, really.
[08:54] Hanekawa
    When I heard her voice,
[08:56] Hanekawa
    I guessed most of what was happening.
[08:58] Hanekawa
    So I just made a small request.
[09:00] Koyomi
    A small request?
[09:02] Hanekawa
    "If you won't be a good girl,
[09:04] Hanekawa
    I'll ask Araragi-kun to be my boyfriend."
[09:11] Koyomi
    Scary...
[09:28] Koyomi
    Um...
[09:30] Kiss-Shot
    Since you've seen me naked now,
[09:33] Kiss-Shot
    I guess that means I'll have
    to marry you, too.
[09:37] Kiss-Shot
    My master.
[09:40] Koyomi
    Shinobu!
[09:41] Kiss-Shot
    Ha ha!
[09:42] Kiss-Shot
    What's wrong with you?
[09:45] Kiss-Shot
    You look like a pigeon that's
    been hit by a peashooter.
[09:48] Kiss-Shot
    Or maybe a vampire that's been
    hit by a silver bullet?
[09:54] Kiss-Shot
    Is it that rare for me to talk?
[09:56] Kiss-Shot
    Or maybe you thought I'd forgotten how?
[10:00] Koyomi
    Shinobu, y-you...
[10:05] Kiss-Shot
    Got bored.
[10:06] Kiss-Shot
    I'm normally pretty talkative.
[10:08] Kiss-Shot
    You know that.
[10:10] Kiss-Shot
    I'm not going to keep my
    mouth shut forever.
[10:13] Kiss-Shot
    You should understand that, my master.
[10:22] Koyomi
    Thank you.
[10:25] Kiss-Shot
    What are you talking about?
[10:27] ---
    Oh...
[10:29] Koyomi
    Um... These! These chains...
[10:32] Koyomi
    Weren't you the one who cut them?
[10:34] Kiss-Shot
    Was I?
[10:35] Kiss-Shot
    Ha ha!
[10:36] Kiss-Shot
    I really don't remember.
[10:38] Kiss-Shot
    But those arms look pretty stupid.
[10:42] Kiss-Shot
    Let's see.
[11:06] Kiss-Shot
    No need to thank me.
[11:08] Kiss-Shot
    I just do what I feel like.
[11:11] Kiss-Shot
    Always have, always will...
[11:14] Kiss-Shot
    And this time, purely by chance,
[11:16] Kiss-Shot
    and I assure you it was just chance,
[11:18] Kiss-Shot
    your wishes and mine coincided,
[11:20] Kiss-Shot
    my master.
[11:23] Koyomi
    Shinobu, hey...
[11:24] Kiss-Shot
    Hair.
[11:26] Kiss-Shot
    My hair.
[11:28] Koyomi
    Wh-What about your hair?
[11:30] Kiss-Shot
    Wash my hair.
[11:32] Kiss-Shot
    I feel like trying this shampoo stuff, for fun.
[11:35] Kiss-Shot
    From your shadow, I've seen you do it,
[11:38] Kiss-Shot
    and I always thought it looked fun.
[11:40] Koyomi
    Can I touch you?
[11:43] Kiss-Shot
    How can you wash my hair
    without touching me?
[11:45] Koyomi
    Okay, I'll give you some hair treatment, too.
[11:53] Koyomi
    Hey...
[11:54] Kiss-Shot
    Stop.
[11:55] Kiss-Shot
    Don't say a word.
[11:58] Kiss-Shot
    You won't forgive me,
[12:00] Kiss-Shot
    and I'll never forgive you.
[12:03] Kiss-Shot
    And that's fine.
[12:04] Kiss-Shot
    Neither of us forgives the other.
[12:07] Kiss-Shot
    That's fine.
[12:09] Kiss-Shot
    We can't let the past be mere
    water under the bridge.
[12:12] Kiss-Shot
    Even so, there's no reason that
    we can't come together.
[12:17] Kiss-Shot
    That's the conclusion I've come to,
    after thinking
[12:20] Kiss-Shot
    for these past three or four months.
[12:24] Kiss-Shot
    What do you think, my master?
[12:27] Koyomi
    I'm surprised to hear that
    you were thinking that.
[12:32] Kiss-Shot
    You've been thinking
    for yourself, haven't you?
[12:35] Kiss-Shot
    I've been in your shadow.
[12:39] Kiss-Shot
    So I know.
[12:52] Kiss-Shot
    I can't be sullen forever.
[12:54] Kiss-Shot
    I'm not so small a person.
[12:57] Kiss-Shot
    And it seems you'll never get this
    unless I tell you directly.
[13:04] Kiss-Shot
    I do like pon-de-ring.
[13:06] Kiss-Shot
    However...
[13:07] Kiss-Shot
    Golden chocolate is my favorite!
[13:10] Kiss-Shot
    So if you're going to buy two, buy those.
[13:16] Koyomi
    Got it.
[13:23] Kiss-Shot
    A wreathe-fire bee.
[13:24] Kiss-Shot
    A supernatural variant of
    the Asian giant hornet.
[13:26] Koyomi
    Is that...
[13:28] Kiss-Shot
    It's the monster that's afflicting
    your colossal sister.
[13:33] Koyomi
    Bigger sister. Not colossal.
[13:35] Kiss-Shot
    Just so we're clear,
    this isn't my knowledge.
[13:38] Kiss-Shot
    It's that kid's.
[13:41] Kiss-Shot
    Can you understand how I felt?
[13:44] Kiss-Shot
    That sleazy little brat spent
[13:46] Kiss-Shot
    every hour of every day filling my head
[13:49] Kiss-Shot
    with useless stories of
    ghosts and monsters.
[13:53] Kiss-Shot
    And I had to sit there and listen,
[13:55] Kiss-Shot
    without saying a word!
[13:58] Koyomi
    That's horrible!
SIGN    Black Scene
[14:00] Kiss-Shot
    And this is one of the stories he told me.
[14:02] Kiss-Shot
    The wreathe-fire bee.
[14:04] Kiss-Shot
    I think
[14:05] Kiss-Shot
    it dates back to around the
    fourteenth or fifteenth century.
[14:08] Kiss-Shot
    A type of infectious disease
    with no known cause.
[14:12] Kiss-Shot
    The disease starts with a
[14:14] Kiss-Shot
    fever so high that it renders
    its victims unable to move,
[14:17] Kiss-Shot
    proceeding until their death.
[14:20] Kiss-Shot
    In the end, hundreds of people did die.
[14:23] Kiss-Shot
    It was a long time before a famous
    onmyoji stopped it.
[14:27] Kiss-Shot
    Supposedly, this was written in
    some scroll or another.
[14:31] Kiss-Shot
    "They were stung by a bee that
    could not be touched,
[14:34] Kiss-Shot
    and their bodies were wreathed
    in flames," it said.
[14:41] Koyomi
    Karen is the type
[14:43] Koyomi
    who hates to show weakness.
[14:45] Koyomi
    And I'll be honest when I say
    I didn't notice a thing.

[14:48] Koyomi
    But she was under considerable stress.
[14:52] Koyomi
    She was running a bad fever.
[14:54] ---
    Hanekawa said she felt like,
[14:57] Koyomi
     she was covered in flames.
[15:00] Koyomi
    In other words, she was really sick.
[15:05] Koyomi
    Jeez...
[15:06] Koyomi
    So that's why Hanekawa
    was covering for her.
[15:08] Koyomi
    I still think it's her own fault.
[15:11] Kiss-Shot
    Her own fault?
[15:13] Kiss-Shot
    You're really tough on your family...
[15:16] Kiss-Shot
    Well, I've been watching for a long time,
[15:19] Kiss-Shot
    so I can't say this surprises me.
[15:21] Kiss-Shot
    But even so,
[15:22] Kiss-Shot
    while I'm not certain I agree
[15:24] Kiss-Shot
    with your former class president,
[15:25] Kiss-Shot
    I really am surprised.
[15:26] Koyomi
    Former class president?
SIGN    She's still class president, you know.
[15:30] Koyomi
    I don't think I'm being harsh.
[15:33] Koyomi
    But either way, I guess this Kaiki guy
[15:37] Koyomi
    used a supernatural monster
    to poison my sister.
[15:39] Koyomi
    I don't know if that's possible, but...
[15:43] Kiss-Shot
    It's possible.
[15:44] Kiss-Shot
    Doable, certainly.
[15:46] Kiss-Shot
    But...
[15:48] Kiss-Shot
    If we believe what your tsundere told us,
[15:52] Kiss-Shot
    Kaiki was a fake and a con man.
[15:55] Koyomi
    That's true...
[15:57] Kiss-Shot
    Of course,
[15:58] Kiss-Shot
    there's no reason
[15:59] Kiss-Shot
    a fake can't do what the real thing would.
[16:03] Kiss-Shot
    And it's possible for a fake
[16:04] Kiss-Shot
    to be more real than the real thing.
[16:07] Koyomi
    True...
[16:09] Koyomi
    Certainly,
[16:10] Koyomi
    it's possible for someone to be
[16:12] Koyomi
    unskilled as a specialist,
    but still a master con artist.
[16:15] Kiss-Shot
    Unskilled as a specialist...
SIGN    Black Scene
[16:20] Kiss-Shot
    But in that case,
[16:21] Kiss-Shot
    they'd be an even bigger problem
    than someone who's good at it.
[16:26] Kiss-Shot
    Anyone who would bend the supernatural to their will without the
[16:29] Kiss-Shot
    proper talents isn't acting
     as a normal person would.
[16:31] Kiss-Shot
    Their lack of skill isn't the issue.
[16:33] Kiss-Shot
    They're not even human.
[16:37] Kiss-Shot
    It would be more accurate to say
[16:39] Kiss-Shot
    that they themselves are a supernatural monster.
[16:43] Koyomi
    Well, I can ask Senjougahara about that.
[16:47] Koyomi
    In fact, I don't have a choice.
[16:49] Koyomi
    The problem is how to get her...
[16:52] Koyomi
    Well, I suppose there's no point
    in faking this in front of you.
[16:55] Koyomi
    Karen-chan...
[16:56] Koyomi
    How to get her symptoms down.
SIGN    Black Scene
[17:02] Koyomi
    Shinobu, could you eat her disease?
[17:08] Kiss-Shot
    Unfortunately...
[17:10] Kiss-Shot
    The disease is merely the result.
[17:13] Kiss-Shot
    I could make a tasty snack of the bee,
[17:15] Kiss-Shot
    but I can't eat the result of a bee sting.
[17:18] Koyomi
    That's right.
[17:19] Koyomi
    Hmm...
[17:20] Koyomi
    Then what?
[17:22] Koyomi
    Did Oshino say anything about
    dealing with a wreathe-fire bee?
[17:27] Kiss-Shot
    Did he?
[17:29] Kiss-Shot
    I think he might have,
[17:31] Kiss-Shot
    but his lectures tended to wander
    all over the place...
[17:36] Kiss-Shot
    Come to think of it,
[17:37] Kiss-Shot
    it's been a long time since
    I last had a bath.
[17:39] Kiss-Shot
    Ha ha.
[17:40] Koyomi
    Has it?
[17:41] Kiss-Shot
    Yup.
[17:42] Kiss-Shot
    Maybe four hundred years.
[17:44] Koyomi
    A scale beyond my power to imitate.
[17:49] Kiss-Shot
    What are you staring at?
[17:51] Kiss-Shot
    If you're staring this closely at
    a young girl's naked body,
[17:54] Kiss-Shot
    does that make you a true pervert?
[17:55] Koyomi
    No, that's not what I...
[17:59] Kiss-Shot
    Your passionate gaze
[18:03] Kiss-Shot
    is stimulating my imagination a little bit.
[18:07] Kiss-Shot
    Nothing exciting...
[18:09] Kiss-Shot
    For example,
[18:10] Kiss-Shot
    what do you think would happen
    if I started to scream
[18:13] Kiss-Shot
    so loudly that the whole
    house could hear?
[18:18] Kiss-Shot
    Just stuff like that.
[18:21] Kiss-Shot
    Of course, if you were to offer me
[18:23] Kiss-Shot
    a giant pile of donuts to
    keep my mouth shut,
[18:27] Kiss-Shot
    I would be willing to negotiate.
[18:32] Koyomi
    Go ahead and try.
[18:34] Koyomi
    You and I are one.
[18:36] Koyomi
    Since you can't leave my shadow,
[18:38] Koyomi
    it'll be bad for you, too.
[18:40] Koyomi
    If nothing else,
[18:41] Koyomi
    you'll never get any more Mister Donuts.
[18:43] Kiss-Shot
    Ha ha.
[18:44] Kiss-Shot
    I see, then.
[18:46] Kiss-Shot
    So that's your answer.
    I guess you've grown up a little, my master.
[18:49] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, how long will you
    be taking that bath?
[18:52] Tsukihi
    You were going to listen to
    my story next, right?
[18:56] ---
    Umm...
[19:10] Tsukihi
    Huh?
[19:11] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, where's that girl?
[19:14] Koyomi
    Girl?
[19:15] Koyomi
    What are you talking about?
[19:17] Koyomi
    Don't say nonsensical things
    during an emergency.
[19:20] Koyomi
    Stupid girl...
[19:22] Tsukihi
    Maybe I imagined it.
[19:24] Koyomi
    Definitely!
[19:25] Koyomi
    There was no girl with bright golden hair,
    pale white skin, and a flat chest,
[19:28] Koyomi
    who spoke in a haughty, old-style voice,
[19:30] Koyomi
    but appeared to be around eight years old.
[19:32] Koyomi
    You imagined it.
[19:34] Tsukihi
    Really...
[19:38] Tsukihi
    Well, whatever.
[19:39] Tsukihi
    I'll let it slide.
[19:41] Tsukihi
    Anyway, Onii-chan, your bath
    is taking quite a while.
[19:44] Tsukihi
    How long will you be?
[19:47] Koyomi
    I'll be out in a second.
[19:48] Koyomi
    Wait in the living room.
[19:49] Tsukihi
    Right...
[19:50] Koyomi
    And learn to knock.
[19:54] Tsukihi
    You've never said that before!
[19:56] Tsukihi
    Since when did you stop being a kid?
[19:58] Tsukihi
    Don't get cocky, just because
    you have some muscle now!
SIGN    Black Scene
[20:08] Kiss-Shot
    Ha ha.
[20:09] Kiss-Shot
    That was scary...
[20:11] Kiss-Shot
    You have a very violent sister.
[20:12] Koyomi
    Shut up.
[20:16] Kiss-Shot
    By the way, I'm sure this isn't
    something the kid mentioned...
[20:21] Kiss-Shot
    In fact, he deliberately kept it secret.
[20:25] Kiss-Shot
    But when do you suppose
    you're going to die?
[20:29] Koyomi
    What does that mean?
[20:30] Kiss-Shot
    Well, you know...
[20:33] Kiss-Shot
    You're mostly human,
[20:35] Kiss-Shot
    but at the same time,
    you're still part vampire.
[20:39] Kiss-Shot
    What does that mean for your lifespan?
[20:44] Kiss-Shot
    Your toughness may have
    reverted to human levels.
[20:46] Kiss-Shot
    But it's possible that your lifespan
    remains that of a vampire.
[20:49] Kiss-Shot
    You retain some of your healing ability.
[20:53] Kiss-Shot
    It's possible you'll live, not four hundred,
[20:57] Kiss-Shot
    but five hundred years like me.
[21:04] Kiss-Shot
    And your lover,
[21:05] Kiss-Shot
    your friends,
[21:06] Kiss-Shot
    your junior classmate,
[21:07] Kiss-Shot
    your little sisters...
[21:09] Kiss-Shot
    All of them are going to
    die and disappear.
[21:13] Kiss-Shot
    And in the end, it'll just be you and me.
[21:17] Kiss-Shot
    No matter what bonds you
    forge with others,
[21:20] Kiss-Shot
    time will tear them apart.
[21:26] Kiss-Shot
    Well?
[21:27] Kiss-Shot
    Doesn't thinking about it
    make you sick?
[21:33] Kiss-Shot
    So here's a plan...
[21:36] Kiss-Shot
    Why don't you kill me,
[21:38] Kiss-Shot
    and go back to being a human for real?
[21:44] Koyomi
    Don't be silly.
[21:46] Koyomi
    It's just like you said.
[21:48] Koyomi
    I won't forgive you,
[21:50] Koyomi
    and you won't forgive me.
[21:53] Koyomi
    That's all there is to it.
[21:54] Koyomi
    And we're done discussing this.
[21:58] Koyomi
    There's nothing left to say.
[22:00] Koyomi
    We live until we die.
[22:05] Kiss-Shot
    Very well, then.
[22:07] Kiss-Shot
    Pray I don't kill you in your sleep,
[22:11] Kiss-Shot
    my master.
[22:14] Kiss-Shot
    Regardless, my life is well past its prime.
[22:18] Kiss-Shot
    I'll while away some of my
[22:20] Kiss-Shot
    remaining time beside you,
    as your shadow.
[22:23] Kiss-Shot
    But I've no intention of getting along.
[22:25] Kiss-Shot
    Lower your guard, and I'll
    kill you, then and there.
[22:31] Koyomi
    And so, little by little,
[22:33] Koyomi
    Shinobu and I came to a reconciliation.

Season 1

E5 - Karen Bee, Part Five

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Koyomi
    Where's the big one?
[00:07] Tsukihi
    Hanekawa-san's looking after her.
[00:11] Koyomi
    Then tell me the details.
[00:14] Tsukihi
    Sure, okay.
[00:16] Tsukihi
    But will you promise me something first?
[00:19] Koyomi
    Are you in a position to make demands?
[00:21] Tsukihi
    Sure, I am. I'm your little sister.
[00:23] Koyomi
    And I'm your big brother,
    so I can refuse them.
[00:28] Tsukihi
    Fine. Forget it.
[00:30] Koyomi
    By the way, what were you
    going to ask me to do?
[00:33] Tsukihi
    Not to get mad at Karen-chan.
[00:36] Koyomi
    No.
[00:36] Tsukihi
    You can be mad at me,
[00:38] Tsukihi
    but don't get mad at Karen-chan.
[00:40] Koyomi
    I'm getting mad at both of you.
[00:42] Tsukihi
    You can be mad at Karen-chan,
[00:44] Tsukihi
    but please don't get mad at me.
[00:45] Koyomi
    I'm already mad.
[00:47] Koyomi
    So start talking, and get it off your chest.
[00:50] Tsukihi
    You think you're so cool.
[00:52] Tsukihi
    You promised you wouldn't get mad
[00:53] Tsukihi
    when Hanekawa-san was around.
[00:56] Tsukihi
    Do you have any regrets, Onii-chan?
[00:59] Koyomi
    Regrets?
[01:00] Koyomi
    Of course I do.
[01:02] Koyomi
    Does anyone not?
[01:04] Tsukihi
    Well, I don't know...
[01:06] Tsukihi
    I guess I'm not the type to regret things.
[01:09] Koyomi
    I bet.
[01:10] Koyomi
    You two sisters are like that.
[01:12] Tsukihi
    But that means that sometimes,
[01:14] Tsukihi
    I regret that I didn't regret something
[01:18] Tsukihi
    when I should have.
[01:26] Tsukihi
    Not that it matters.
[01:29] Koyomi
    I guess you really want a strangling...
[01:31] Tsukihi
    No, that's not it...
SIGN    Black Scene
[01:34] Koyomi
    Then get to the point.
[01:37] Tsukihi
    I know, Onii-chan...
[01:38] Tsukihi
    I'll tell you something cool.
[01:40] Tsukihi
    Something cool?
[01:41] Tsukihi
    You know how I always say
    I'm "platinum" mad?
[01:44] Tsukihi
    It was originally "pretty" mad.
[01:48] Tsukihi
    So it doesn't mean that I'm so mad,
[01:50] Tsukihi
    the word "platinum" comes to mind.
[01:52] Koyomi
    I've never heard you say "platinum" mad.
[01:55] Tsukihi
    How come you don't know?
[01:57] Tsukihi
    I'm platinum mad!
[01:58] Koyomi
    You're clearly extremely upset!
[02:00] Koyomi
    And stop trying to cleverly
    change the subject.
[02:04] Tsukihi
    Okay, Onii-chan.
[02:05] Tsukihi
    Then why don't you tell me
    something you regret?
[02:10] Tsukihi
    I want to hear it.
[02:13] Tsukihi
    Just telling you straight out would
    be kind of upsetting.
[02:16] Tsukihi
    So maybe we could like, share secrets?
[02:20] Tsukihi
    Like we were on a school trip or something!
[02:22] Koyomi
    Idiot...
SIGN    Black Scene
[02:23] Koyomi
    Still, what I regret, huh?
[02:26] Koyomi
    It's hard to come up with something,
[02:28] Koyomi
    now that I think about it.
[02:29] Tsukihi
    Like, something that's kind
    of embarrassing.
[02:32] Tsukihi
    Like... Oh...
[02:35] Tsukihi
    Why don't you have any friends?
[02:38] Koyomi
    I have friends now!
[02:38] Tsukihi
    Do you?
[02:39] Tsukihi
    How many?
[02:40] Koyomi
    How many?
[02:41] Koyomi
    Let me tell you...
[02:45] Koyomi
    Five!
[02:47] Tsukihi
    Wow, that seriously scared me.
[02:50] Tsukihi
    Poor onii-chan...
[02:51] Tsukihi
    You're going to die of loneliness!
[02:53] Koyomi
    Don't be so mean to your brother!
[02:56] Koyomi
    Anyway, I have some now,
[02:58] Koyomi
    but you're asking why I didn't
    have any for a while.
[03:01] Koyomi
    Well, here's what I used to think.
[03:05] Koyomi
    If you make friends, that means
    your human hardness—
[03:07] Tsukihi
    No, I've already heard enough
    embarrassing stuff.
[03:11] Tsukihi
    I'm sorry I asked.
[03:13] Koyomi
    Don't apologize yet!
[03:14] Koyomi
    I haven't said anything embarrassing!
[03:16] Tsukihi
    Stop it, Onii-chan!
[03:18] Tsukihi
    That's enough!
[03:18] Tsukihi
    You needn't reopen the wounds anymore!
[03:21] Tsukihi
    Stop it... It's over!
[03:23] Koyomi
    It's not over!
[03:24] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun, I can hear you
    from the second floor!
[03:28] Hanekawa
    And I can hear you talking about something
[03:30] Hanekawa
    that really doesn't sound too important.
[03:32] Hanekawa
    Could you be a little more quiet?
[03:35] Koyomi
    Yeah, sorry.
[03:37] Koyomi
    I'll be more care...
SIGN    Episode 5: Karen Bee, Part 5
[05:21] Koyomi
    Let's talk about Araragi Karen for a while.
[05:24] Koyomi
    Of course, this is just based on what
[05:27] Koyomi
    I heard from Tsukihi and Hanekawa.
[05:30] Koyomi
    So it may differ slightly from what happened.
[05:34] Kaiki
    Welcome, young lady.
[05:35] Kaiki
    My name is Kaiki.
[05:37] Kaiki
    "Kai," like a mound of clamshells.
[05:40] Kaiki
    "Ki," like a dead tree. What's your name?
[05:42] Karen
    Araragi Karen.
[05:44] Karen
    The "kozato" radical, with the
    kanji for possibility.
[05:46] Karen
    "It is good."
[05:47] Karen
    And "ki," like a young tree.
[05:48] Karen
    And my given name means
    "to admire the flame."
[05:49] Karen
    Karen.
[05:51] Kaiki
    An excellent name.
[05:52] Kaiki
    Be grateful to your parents.
[05:59] Kaiki
    So, which are you?
[06:01] Kaiki
    Do you want to learn a charm?
[06:03] Kaiki
    Or have one undone?
[06:07] Kaiki
    The former is 10,000 yen.
[06:08] Kaiki
    The latter, 20,000.
[06:10] Karen
    Neither.
[06:11] Karen
    I've come here to punch you!
[06:13] Kaiki
    To punch me.
[06:15] Kaiki
    So the message you sent me was a fake,
[06:18] Kaiki
    and this is a trap.
[06:20] Kaiki
    I see.
[06:21] Kaiki
    Well done.
[06:23] Kaiki
    Of course, I don't believe that
[06:26] Kaiki
    you were the one who did it.
[06:28] Kaiki
    I can't imagine a simpleton like you
SIGN    Black Scene
[06:31] Kaiki
    being able to reach me.
[06:36] Kaiki
    Not many people could.
[06:38] Kaiki
    Only someone who's a touch abnormal
[06:41] Kaiki
    could get this far.
[06:46] Karen
    What you're doing is a giant pain in the butt.
[06:49] Karen
    You don't need me to explain, do you?
[06:51] Kaiki
    A pain?
[06:53] Kaiki
    I'm giving you kids what you want.
[06:57] Kaiki
    How you use it is your responsibility.
[06:59] Karen
    Our responsibility?
[07:02] Karen
    How is it our responsibility?
[07:03] Karen
    How dare you?!
[07:04] Karen
    You're ruining people's relationships...
[07:07] Karen
    What are you thinking?
[07:09] Kaiki
    What am I thinking?
[07:11] Kaiki
    Quite a deep question.
[07:13] Kaiki
    Unfortunately, I'll have to respond
    with a shallow answer.
[07:19] Kaiki
    I'm doing it for the money, naturally.
[07:21] Karen
    Money?
[07:23] Kaiki
    Money makes the world go round.
[07:27] Kaiki
    I suppose you've come here out of
[07:30] Kaiki
    some primitive sense of justice.
[07:32] Kaiki
    But that was a mistake.
[07:36] Kaiki
    You could have earned 100,000 yen for this.
[07:38] Kaiki
    The lesson for you here is that working for free
[07:40] Kaiki
    isn't worth it.
[07:42] Karen
    No one hired me!
[07:44] Karen
    I'm not here because someone asked me to be!
[07:48] Kaiki
    I see...
[07:49] Kaiki
    Then you should have had someone ask you.
[07:51] Karen
    Even if someone had, I wouldn't
    have taken their money!
[07:54] Kaiki
    So young...
[07:56] Kaiki
    I'm not at all jealous, though.
[07:59] Kaiki
    What's wrong?
[08:00] Kaiki
    You're shaking, Araragi.
[08:03] Karen
    I'm not shaking...
[08:07] Kaiki
    Araragi, you've heard what I wanted.
[08:11] Kaiki
    Now it's your turn.
[08:13] Kaiki
    What do you want?
[08:15] Karen
    I told you already.
[08:17] Karen
    I came here to punch you!
[08:20] Kaiki
    Just to punch me?
[08:22] Karen
    I'll kick you, too!
[08:23] Kaiki
    Violence, then?
[08:24] Karen
    Force!
[08:26] Karen
    And I'll make you stop this.
[08:28] Karen
    Selling this crap to middle schoolers?
[08:31] Karen
    What are you thinking?
[08:32] Karen
    And you call yourself an adult?!
[08:34] Kaiki
    I'm an adult, yes.
[08:36] Kaiki
    And of course I'm selling it to them...
[08:42] Kaiki
    I'm a con man.
[08:46] Karen
    Aren't you embarrassed,
    selling charms to middle schoolers?
[08:49] Kaiki
    Not at all.
[08:50] Kaiki
    Children are simple to fool.
[08:53] Kaiki
    That's all.
[08:54] Kaiki
    But, Araragi, if you want to stop me,
[08:58] Kaiki
    punches and kicks are useless.
[09:01] Kaiki
    The fastest way would be to bring money.
[09:05] Kaiki
    My target for this little business is 3,000,000 yen.
SIGN    3,000,000 Yen
[09:09] Kaiki
    I've waited over two months for it to take root.
[09:12] Kaiki
    Any less, and it wouldn't be worth my time.
[09:15] Karen
    And you call yourself human?
[09:18] Kaiki
    Unfortunately, I am human, yes.
[09:21] Kaiki
    I'm willing to sacrifice my life to protect
[09:24] Kaiki
    what's dear to me.
[09:26] Kaiki
    Just as you fill your heart through good deeds,
[09:28] Kaiki
    I fill my bank account with evil ones.
[09:32] Kaiki
    Is there really a difference?
[09:34] Karen
    A-A difference?
[09:36] Kaiki
    No, there's no difference at all.
[09:38] Kaiki
    Your activities may make someone happier.
[09:42] Kaiki
    But the same is true
[09:43] Kaiki
    if I take the money I've earned and use it
[09:47] Kaiki
    to grease the gears of a capitalist economy.
[09:50] Kaiki
    The lesson for you here is that
[09:53] Kaiki
    just as there isn't a problem that
    can't be solved by being right,
[09:56] Kaiki
    there isn't a problem that
    can't be solved by money.
SIGN    Black Scene
[10:02] Kaiki
    The same is true of my victims, yes?
[10:05] Kaiki
    They paid me in money.
[10:08] Kaiki
    This means that they recognized
[10:09] Kaiki
    money as an object of value.
SIGN    Black Scene
[10:12] Kaiki
    Is the same not true of you?
[10:14] Kaiki
    Or did you not pay
[10:15] Kaiki
    in money when you bought that jacket?
[10:18] Karen
    D-Don't talk about the jacket!
[10:22] Karen
    Just give me your answer...
[10:24] Karen
    Do you want to be punched?
[10:25] Karen
    Or...
[10:27] Kaiki
    I don't want to be punched.
[10:28] Kaiki
    Nor do I want to be kicked.
[10:30] Kaiki
    I dislike pain.
[10:32] Kaiki
    So,
[10:34] Kaiki
    here is a present for you, a bee.
[11:07] Kaiki
    It's working quite well.
[11:10] Kaiki
    You must have an active imagination.
[11:13] Kaiki
    The lesson for you here is to assume
[11:16] Kaiki
    that any person you see is a con man.
[11:19] Kaiki
    Learn to doubt others.
[11:22] Kaiki
    Did you think I would beg for forgiveness?
[11:25] Kaiki
    Then you're just a fool.
[11:27] Kaiki
    If you want me to have a change of heart,
[11:29] Kaiki
    bring some cash.
[11:30] Kaiki
    I'd be willing to discuss it for 10,000,000 yen.
[11:33] Karen
    What did you do?
[11:35] Karen
    What did you do to me?!
[11:37] Kaiki
    Something bad.
[11:39] Kaiki
    Of course, nothing is free.
[11:41] Kaiki
    I'll take money for it.
[11:43] Kaiki
    4,000 yen? I suppose that will do.
[11:47] Kaiki
    I'll throw in our little chat as a bonus.
[11:50] Kaiki
    I suppose I can leave some change
    for train fare home...
[11:52] Kaiki
    Oh, you already have a ticket.
[11:56] Kaiki
    Then you won't need this change.
[11:59] Kaiki
    In a moment, the poison will take hold,
[12:00] Kaiki
    and you'll be able to move.
[12:02] Kaiki
    I recommend using a cell to call for help.
[12:06] Kaiki
    In the meantime, I'll make my escape.
[12:09] Kaiki
    Of course, I'll continue what I was doing.
[12:12] Kaiki
    But from now on, I'll avoid meeting
    my customers directly.
[12:18] Kaiki
    An excellent lesson...
[12:20] Kaiki
    Farewell.
SIGN    Black Scene
[12:26] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun, are you upset?
[12:29] Koyomi
    About what?
[12:30] Hanekawa
    Well, you know...
[12:31] Hanekawa
    I was the one who tracked him down.
[12:34] Hanekawa
    Are you mad about what
    happened to Karen-chan?
[12:38] Koyomi
    I wouldn't say I'm mad.
[12:40] Koyomi
    But I'd like to say that if you were going to
[12:43] Koyomi
    help the Fire Sisters, you should have told me.
[12:46] Hanekawa
    But wouldn't you have gotten mad?
[12:49] Hanekawa
    And if I decide I want to be friends
    with Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan,
[12:53] Hanekawa
    isn't it my choice?
[12:54] Koyomi
    It is your choice.
[12:55] Hanekawa
    Yup.
[12:58] Hanekawa
    But as an apology for not telling you
[13:00] Hanekawa
    about Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan,
[13:04] Hanekawa
    you can have this ticket!
[13:06] Koyomi
    What's this?
[13:07] Hanekawa
    This ticket entitles you to touch my breasts
[13:09] Hanekawa
    whenever you want, for as long as you like.
[13:11] Hanekawa
    It's yours.
[13:13] Koyomi
    Seriously?
[13:15] Hanekawa
    Seriously.
[13:16] Hanekawa
    But if you use it, I'll hate you forever.
[13:19] Koyomi
    Then it's useless!
[13:23] Hanekawa
    Well, putting that aside,
[13:27] Hanekawa
    don't be too mean to Karen-chan
    and Tsukihi-chan.
[13:31] Koyomi
    It's fine.
[13:33] Koyomi
    Don't worry about it.
[13:35] Koyomi
    I realize they aren't just doing it for fun.
[13:38] Hanekawa
    I know we talked about this before...
[13:44] Hanekawa
    But still, they are kind of like you.
[13:48] Koyomi
    They resemble me?
[13:49] Hanekawa
    Not on the outside, on the inside.
[13:52] Hanekawa
    I guess I'm one to talk, though.
[13:55] Koyomi
    That's sure true.
[13:56] Koyomi
    Of course, your family and
    mine are different.
[14:02] Hanekawa
    Oshino-san...
[14:04] Hanekawa
    What's Oshino-san up to right now?
[14:07] Koyomi
    I don't know.
[14:08] Koyomi
    But he's watching over us
    from somewhere.
[14:12] Koyomi
    He'll probably just fix whatever's
    wrong with Karen-chan.
[14:17] Koyomi
    From what Shinobu said, the wreathe-fire bee
[14:20] Koyomi
    is a very low-level monster.
[14:23] Hanekawa
    Shinobu-chan?
[14:24] Hanekawa
    Wreathe-fire bee?
[14:30] Hanekawa
    A wreathe-fire bee, huh?
[14:32] Hanekawa
    But I'm glad to see you've
    made up with Shinobu-chan.
[14:36] Koyomi
    I'm not upset about it, but...
[14:42] Hanekawa
    Well, the reason Oshino-san left was
[14:45] Hanekawa
    because he thought he could leave
    Shinobu-chan to you, right?
[14:49] Hanekawa
    Really, it would've made sense
    if you'd reconciled
[14:52] Hanekawa
    just after the culture fair.
[14:54] Koyomi
    I guess that means it's taken a long time.
[14:57] Koyomi
    You could say I've been slacking on the job.
[15:00] Hanekawa
    You haven't been slacking at all.
[15:03] Hanekawa
    I know that very well.
[15:05] Koyomi
    You know everything, don't you?
[15:08] Hanekawa
    I don't know everything.
[15:10] Hanekawa
    I just know what I know.
[15:12] Hanekawa
    The real problem in a fight comes
    after you've made up.
[15:15] Hanekawa
    Keep that in mind.
[15:27] Hanekawa
    I can go the rest of the way myself.
[15:29] Koyomi
    Take my bike.
[15:30] Koyomi
    I'll lend it to you.
[15:31] Hanekawa
    You're sure?
[15:32] Hanekawa
    I'll take it, I guess.
[15:35] Hanekawa
    Okay, then thanks.
[15:39] Hanekawa
    I'll give it back tomorrow.
[15:41] Koyomi
    Yeah.
[15:42] Hanekawa
    Get this solved tonight.
[15:45] Hanekawa
    You have to start studying
    again tomorrow.
[15:50] Hanekawa
    It's good that you're being a brother,
[15:52] Hanekawa
    but don't forget that you're a
    high school student, too!
[15:58] Karen
    You're making too big a deal
    out of this, Nii-chan.
[16:00] Karen
    That's why I didn't want to tell you.
[16:03] Karen
    People should keep their mouths shut.
[16:05] Karen
    It's just a fever.
[16:08] Koyomi
    Shut up.
[16:09] Koyomi
    You're sick, so shut up and do what I say.
[16:13] Koyomi
    Want to eat something?
[16:14] Koyomi
    Canned peaches?
[16:15] Karen
    No appetite.
[16:17] Koyomi
    I see.
[16:19] Koyomi
    I'm gonna let down your hair.
[16:20] Karen
    I want to take a bath.
[16:22] Karen
    This sweat feels awful.
[16:24] Koyomi
    Your hair.
[16:26] Karen
    Go ahead.
[16:32] Koyomi
    A bath isn't happening,
[16:34] Koyomi
    but I'll wipe down your body.
[16:38] Karen
    Thanks.
[16:39] Karen
    Not that I like it.
[16:41] Koyomi
    Right.
[16:42] Koyomi
    Then remove your clothes.
[16:49] Koyomi
    Hey, I said to remove your clothes.
[16:51] Karen
    Sorry, Nii-chan.
[16:54] Karen
    I'm tired...
[16:55] Karen
    Take my clothes off.
[16:58] Karen
    Wipe me down.
[16:59] Karen
    Put them back on.
[17:01] Koyomi
    Why, you...
SIGN    Nii-chan saw me naked, and I am so freaking embarrassed. —Karen
[17:04] Karen
    Nii-chan saw me naked,
[17:05] Karen
    and I am so freaking embarrassed.
[17:07] Koyomi
    Why is it a haiku?
[17:09] Karen
    Because I'm embarrassed!
[17:11] Koyomi
    You dance around half naked
    when you get out of the bath.
[17:13] Koyomi
    I don't want to hear it.
[17:15] Karen
    I'm not dancing!
[17:16] Karen
    That's aerobics!
[17:23] Koyomi
    I'll wipe down your back.
[17:25] Koyomi
    Turn over.
[17:28] Karen
    Too lazy.
[17:29] Karen
    Turn me over.
[17:32] Karen
    Damn it...
[17:35] Karen
    I screwed this up.
[17:40] Karen
    I know strength is more important
[17:41] Karen
    than being right. I didn't need you to tell me.
[17:45] Karen
    But you can't get strong all of a sudden.
[17:48] Karen
    However,
[17:49] Karen
    that doesn't mean you can just
    ignore all the bad stuff you see
[17:53] Karen
    until you are strong.
[17:55] Karen
    The blood of justice flows through me,
[17:58] Karen
    and it tells me to punish evil.
[17:59] Koyomi
    You just like punching people.
[18:02] Koyomi
    That's what I think.
[18:03] Karen
    I'm sure it all looks like a game to you.
[18:06] Karen
    But Kaiki...
[18:09] Karen
    Kaiki Deishuu...
[18:11] Karen
    Tsukihi-chan already told you
[18:14] Karen
    why he was spreading those
    weird charms and curses
[18:18] Karen
    around the middle schools, right?
[18:21] Karen
    That's right... It was for money.
[18:23] Karen
    He spread hatred...
[18:25] Karen
    Fear...
[18:26] Karen
    And then, he took advantage of it,
[18:28] Karen
    to take money without
    actually doing anything.
[18:33] Karen
    And when I asked him if
    he weren't ashamed,
[18:35] Karen
    here is what he said.
[18:39] Karen
    Without a trace of shame, he said,
[18:41] Karen
    "Children are easier to fool."
[18:44] Koyomi
    Easier to fool...
[18:45] Karen
    Tsukihi-chan's friend... Sengoku, was it?
[18:48] Karen
    She didn't really want to talk about it,
[18:52] Karen
    but whatever happened, didn't you save her?
[18:56] Karen
    But she was one of the lucky ones.
[18:59] Karen
    Some kids went to Kaiki for help, not knowing
    he was the source of the rumors.
[19:03] Karen
    And when they tried to get the money,
[19:05] Karen
    he demanded they be arrested
    for shoplifting.
[19:07] Karen
    Could you have let that happen?
[19:10] Karen
    Could you have looked them
    in the eye and said,
[19:11] Karen
    "I'm not strong yet, so I won't do anything"?
[19:16] Karen
    He told me money was everything.
[19:19] Karen
    I didn't think anyone like that
    existed outside of manga.
[19:23] Karen
    I mean, money is important.
[19:26] ---
    But aren't there other things
    that matter, too?
SIGN    Love
[19:29] Karen
    Like love!
[19:30] Koyomi
    Our opinions overlapped.
[19:31] Karen
    Money isn't everything.
[19:34] Karen
    It's just most everything!
[19:35] Koyomi
    Okay, maybe not.
[19:38] Karen
    Nii-chan, Tsukihi-chan and I
    are serious about this.
[19:42] Karen
    We won't stop here.
[19:44] Karen
    If this happens again, we'll do the same thing.
[19:48] Karen
    This time, I may have lost the outcome.
[19:50] Karen
    But I didn't lose mentally.
[19:52] Karen
    And next time, I'll win.
[19:53] Karen
    I'll keep it up until I win.
[19:54] Karen
    I'll try, even if I don't win.
[19:56] Karen
    The outcome isn't all that's important.
    Right, Nii-chan?
[20:00] Koyomi
    Lose the match, but win the game, huh?
[20:03] Koyomi
    That's not something I'd expect
    to hear from a martial artist.
[20:07] Karen
    You can lose the match and the game,
[20:09] Karen
    but if you don't lose to yourself,
    it isn't a loss.
[20:12] Karen
    That's my way.
[20:14] Koyomi
    But as long as you stay like that,
[20:17] Koyomi
    those around you will suffer.
[20:20] Koyomi
    That's why you'll never grow up.
[20:25] Karen
    I'm already grown up.
[20:26] Karen
    Look at these boobs!
[20:28] Koyomi
    Not even half Hanekawa's size.
[20:30] Koyomi
    What of it?
[20:32] Karen
    Tsubasa-san is that big?
[20:34] Koyomi
    She's the real thing.
[20:36] Koyomi
    I think you know that.
SIGN    Black Scene
[20:38] Koyomi
    Honestly,
[20:40] Koyomi
    I'd prefer if you didn't hang
    out with Hanekawa.
[20:43] Koyomi
    But I guess this is a good chance.
[20:45] Koyomi
    From now on, you should
    start learning from her.
[20:49] Koyomi
    Don't move.
[20:50] Koyomi
    It's hard to wipe you down.
[20:51] Karen
    It's fine now. I feel much better.
[20:54] Koyomi
    We're almost done. Don't stop now.
[20:57] Karen
    I don't want to get you sick.
[21:02] Koyomi
    Get me sick?
[21:04] Koyomi
    Wait a second.
SIGN    Black Scene
[21:06] Koyomi
    Shinobu.
[21:07] Kiss-Shot
    What?
[21:08] Kiss-Shot
    It's almost time for bed.
[21:12] Koyomi
    Then, one thing before bed...
[21:15] Koyomi
    Is there any way to transfer
    her illness to me?
[21:19] Koyomi
    It's more of a supernatural poison
    than an illness.
[21:22] Koyomi
    And it was given to her deliberately.
[21:25] Koyomi
    So wouldn't it be possible for
    her to give it to me?
[21:30] Kiss-Shot
    So you're saying you'll take her illness?
[21:35] Kiss-Shot
    There is a way.
[21:36] Kiss-Shot
    But honestly, I can't recommend it.
[21:41] Kiss-Shot
    Or it would be more accurate to say
[21:42] Kiss-Shot
    I certainly wouldn't prefer it.
[21:45] Koyomi
    I understand there's a risk.
[21:46] Kiss-Shot
    I don't know if "risk" is the right word.
[21:49] Kiss-Shot
    Well, I suppose it's an urban legend.
[21:52] Kiss-Shot
    I think the kid used totally different
    words to describe it.
[21:56] Koyomi
    What?
[21:57] Koyomi
    That's pretty vague.
    And not like you at all.
[22:01] Kiss-Shot
    Well, I don't know...
[22:02] Kiss-Shot
    Whether it's something that would
    be allowed, I couldn't say.
[22:06] Koyomi
    I don't know what you're talking about,
[22:08] Koyomi
    but of course it would.
[22:10] Koyomi
    If there's any way to alleviate her suffering,
[22:12] Koyomi
    we should take it.
[22:14] Kiss-Shot
    Very true.
[22:17] Kiss-Shot
    Do what you will.
[22:21] Karen
    Nii-chan,
[22:23] Karen
    I don't know if you went to
    the bathroom or what,
[22:25] Karen
    but you should have at least dressed me first.
[22:29] Koyomi
    Karen-chan.
[22:34] Koyomi
    I'm going to kiss you now.

Season 1

E6 - Karen Bee, Part Six

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Araragi
    I'll just tell you how it ended up.
[00:10] Araragi
    I wasn't able to take all the poison
[00:12] Araragi
    from the wreathe-fire bee.
SIGN    Stay with Karen, and don't cause any trouble today. —Koyomi
[00:18] Araragi
    But even so, Karen's fever went down a little.
SIGN    Black Scene
[00:40] Araragi
    Hey, Hachikuji.
[00:43] Araragi
    U-Um...
[00:45] Araragi
    Hachikuji?
[00:47] Hachikuji
    Is that you, Araragi-san?
[00:49] Araragi
    Come on, screw up my name!
[00:50] Hachikuji
    Araragi-san, if you're greeting
    me like a normal person,
[00:53] Hachikuji
    that means you've gotten boring.
[00:57] Hachikuji
    Did something happen?
[00:58] Araragi
    Harsh!
[01:00] Araragi
    Hey, you didn't like it, anyway!
[01:03] Hachikuji
    That was just me acting,
    so you'd do it more.
[01:05] Hachikuji
    You didn't really think "no"
    means "no", did you?
[01:08] Hachikuji
    Jeez.
SIGN    Don't push. Danger.
[01:09] Hachikuji
    You ruined the opportunity I gave you!
[01:11] Araragi
    Your "acting" is harsh!
[01:13] Hachikuji
    You screwed it up right at the start.
[01:15] Hachikuji
    Now the whole joke's wasted.
[01:17] Araragi
    It's really that bad?!
[01:20] Araragi
    Hey, Hachikuji.
[01:21] Araragi
    Wait...
[01:22] Hachikuji
    I don't know you.
[01:23] Hachikuji
    My friend Araragi-san is dead.
[01:26] Hachikuji
    Remove the sexual harassment from Araragi-san,
[01:28] Hachikuji
    and there's nothing left but a flea.
[01:31] Araragi
    No part of me was a flea to begin with!
SIGN    Sexual Harassment Flea
[01:35] Hachikuji
    I don't even want to see your face.
[01:37] Hachikuji
    Disappear.
[01:37] Araragi
    Don't say that!
[01:39] Araragi
    Senjougahara's said that
    to me a hundred times,
[01:41] Araragi
    but when you say it,
    I really do want to disappear.
[01:44] Araragi
    So don't say that...
[01:46] Hachikuji
    Huh?
[01:46] Hachikuji
    I told you to disappear.
    Why are you still here?
[01:49] Hachikuji
    You can't even do that?
SIGN    Danger Ahead!
[01:52] Araragi
    I want to restart from a save point!
[01:56] Hachikuji
    So what happened?
[01:58] Hachikuji
    You seem pretty serious,
    compared to yesterday.
[02:01] Araragi
    Serious, huh?
[02:03] Araragi
    Yeah, maybe.
[02:04] Araragi
    A lot of stuff's happened.
[02:07] Hachikuji
    Well, I won't ask for details.
[02:09] Hachikuji
    But, Araragi-san,
[02:10] Hachikuji
    you're looking disturbingly pale...
[02:14] Araragi
    Am I?
[02:15] Hachikuji
    You don't seem well.
SIGN    I took half of Karen's illness, but that shouldn't result in any physical effects.
SIGN    Wait, maybe Hachikuji can tell?
[02:22] Araragi
    It was something called a wreathe-fire bee.
[02:25] Araragi
    It's a totally different type
[02:27] Araragi
    than your snail, I think.
[02:30] Araragi
    But it's a problem anyway.
[02:32] Hachikuji
    I see.
[02:34] Hachikuji
    That is a problem...
[02:35] Hachikuji
    But I'm sure you'll be fine, Araragi-san.
[02:39] Hachikuji
    You always have been, right?
[02:43] Araragi
    I hope so...
[02:45] Araragi
    A lot of stuff is going wrong.
[02:49] Araragi
    For one thing, my sisters are idiots.
[02:51] Hachikuji
    More idiotic than you?
[02:53] Araragi
    Don't call me an idiot!
[02:56] Araragi
    What they're saying is right,
[02:58] Araragi
    and I'd like to respect that...
[03:01] Araragi
    But they're too rash.
[03:03] Araragi
    What they want to do is right, but they
    aren't doing it right, right away.
[03:06] Araragi
    That's how it feels.
[03:09] Hachikuji
    Isn't that what you're always being told?
[03:13] Hachikuji
    And if you weren't like that,
[03:16] Hachikuji
    I wouldn't be able to take
    a nice walk around here.
[03:19] Hachikuji
    So doesn't that mean that
[03:23] Hachikuji
    they've saved a lot of people?
[03:27] Araragi
    Still, I guess they're just kids.
[03:30] Araragi
    They don't listen to a word anyone says.
[03:33] Araragi
    I have to do this thing
[03:34] Araragi
    while they're still sensible
    enough to stay home.
[03:38] Araragi
    Sensible...
[03:41] Araragi
    Hachikuji, when do you think
    you become an adult?
[03:46] Hachikuji
    Not while you're saying things like that.
[03:49] Hachikuji
    In Japan, you officially
    become an adult at twenty,
[03:51] Hachikuji
    but it changes, depending on the era.
[03:53] Hachikuji
    Some people say that once you
    start working, you're an adult.
[03:57] Hachikuji
    But you can be an adult without working.
[04:00] Araragi
    You can become an adult just by aging, huh?
[04:03] Araragi
    I guess telling two girls in their
    second and third years
[04:07] Araragi
    of middle school to grow up
    is asking too much.
[04:10] Araragi
    Age-wise, they're kids.
[04:12] Hachikuji
    That's the point!
[04:14] Hachikuji
    It's natural for a middle schooler to be a kid.
[04:17] Hachikuji
    But the fact that
[04:18] Hachikuji
    they don't realize they're kids is the problem.
[04:21] Hachikuji
    They may still be better than adults
[04:24] Hachikuji
    who don't think they're adults.
[04:25] Araragi
    There's nothing as difficult to deal with
[04:28] Araragi
    as an adult who thinks they're a kid...
[04:30] Araragi
    By the way, Hachikuji,
    how do you think of yourself?
[04:34] Hachikuji
    The body of a child and the brains of an adult.
[04:36] Araragi
    So, you're a detective?!
[04:39] Araragi
    Then, Hachihachiji...
[04:41] Araragi
    What were we talking about?
[04:42] Hachikuji
    Araragi-san, you're missing a temple.
[04:44] Araragi
    I see.
[04:45] Araragi
    I didn't realize. Sorry.
[04:47] Araragi
    Hachishichiji.
[04:48] Hachikuji
    Are we losing temples each time
    you say my name?!
[04:52] Araragi
    Hachirokuji.
[04:53] Araragi
    I'm almost to Senjougahara's house.
[04:55] Araragi
    We should split up here.
[04:58] Hachikuji
    Oh, right.
[05:00] Hachikuji
    You're right.
[05:01] Hachikuji
    She doesn't like me.
[05:05] Hachikuji
    Farewell, Araragi-san.
[05:06] Hachikuji
    Be well.
[05:07] Araragi
    You, too.
[05:10] Araragi
    But at the time, I didn't know
[05:13] Araragi
    what would happen to the cheerful young girl
[05:16] Araragi
    named Hachikuji Mayoi.
[05:21] Araragi
    Just kidding.
[05:23] Araragi
    Honestly, I have no idea what will happen.
SIGN    Episode 5: Karen Bee, Part 6
SIGN    Tamikurasou
SIGN    201
[07:20] Araragi
    Um...
[07:21] Araragi
    Gahara-san?
[07:22] Senjougahara
    A question, Araragi-kun...
[07:24] Senjougahara
    If, by some strange coincidence,
    a hundred sharp pencils
[07:26] Senjougahara
    I was carrying embedded
    themselves in a third party,
[07:31] Senjougahara
    would that be an accidental death?
[07:32] Araragi
    No, it would be murder!
[07:33] Araragi
    First-degree murder!
[07:34] Araragi
    The following day's headlines would
    read, "Man Killed by Pencils!"
[07:38] Senjougahara
    Then I'll sharpen more pencils on
    top of those headlines.
[07:42] Araragi
    Calm down, Senjougahara!
[07:44] Araragi
    You may think that's a good line,
    but it really isn't!
[07:48] Senjougahara
    Take off your shoes and come in, Araragi-kun.
[07:53] Senjougahara
    Don't worry. I won't tie you up again.
[07:57] Araragi
    Thanks...
[08:00] Araragi
    Well?
[08:01] Araragi
    If I ask, will you tell me why you're
[08:04] Araragi
    arming yourself so heavily?
[08:07] Senjougahara
    I'm going to go and chat with Kaiki.
[08:09] Senjougahara
    As you've refused my protection,
[08:12] Senjougahara
    I've no choice but to go on the attack.
[08:14] Araragi
    Kidnapping and protection
    are not the same thing!
SIGN    One match can start a fire
SIGN    Be careful
    with fire
[08:18] Araragi
    By the way, I talked to Hanekawa afterwards.
[08:21] Senjougahara
    What?
[08:22] Senjougahara
    Did Hanekawa-sama...
[08:23] Senjougahara
    I mean, Hanekawa-san say anything about me?
[08:26] Araragi
    Did you just say "Hanekawa-sama"?
SIGN    One match can start a fire
SIGN    Be careful
    with fire
[08:29] Senjougahara
    I-I did not.
[08:30] Senjougahara
    There is no bullying occurring at my school.
SIGN    Bullying Is A Crime
[08:32] Araragi
    You're being bullied? You?!
[08:35] Araragi
    I mean, given the way you act,
[08:37] Araragi
    I can see you might attract a lot
    of Hanekawa's attention.
[08:40] Araragi
    But don't say you're being bullied...
[08:42] Araragi
    That's mean.
[08:43] Senjougahara
    I'm not saying that.
[08:46] Senjougahara
    I'm polishing her shoes every morning
[08:49] Senjougahara
    because I enjoy doing so.
[08:52] Araragi
    Why do you act like that toward her?
[08:55] Araragi
    Anyway, you're going to see Kaiki, right?
[08:59] Araragi
    But, Senjougahara, do you know where he is?
[09:02] Senjougahara
    I have a business card from long ago,
[09:05] Senjougahara
    one he gave me.
[09:07] Senjougahara
    It's a miracle I never threw it away.
SIGN    Ghost Buster Kaiki Deishuu
[09:12] Araragi
    Senjougahara, I'm about to say
[09:15] Araragi
    the worst thing in the world.
SIGN    Ghost Buster Kaiki Deishuu
[09:17] Araragi
    But if you fell for this, isn't it
    partially your own fault?
[09:20] Senjougahara
    That's the trap.
[09:22] Senjougahara
    You'd never think that anyone
    who'd give themselves
[09:25] Senjougahara
    such a ridiculous title would
    actually be a con man.
[09:28] Araragi
    Is that how it works?
[09:30] Araragi
    So what, Senjougahara?
[09:31] Araragi
    You called this number,
    and you spoke with him?
[09:35] Senjougahara
    Yes.
[09:36] Senjougahara
    He hadn't changed a bit.
[09:39] Senjougahara
    As gloomy as ever.
[09:42] Araragi
    Can I go with you?
[09:47] Araragi
    If you're going to speak with Kaiki,
    I want to go...
[09:53] Senjougahara
    I can still pretend I didn't hear that.
[09:57] Senjougahara
    Unless you wish to die, take that back.
[10:01] Araragi
    My sister was one of his victims.
SIGN    Ghost Buster Kaiki Deishuu
[10:04] Araragi
    He set some bizarre monster called
    a wreathe-fire bee on her.
[10:09] Araragi
    She's suffering from a terrible fever.
[10:11] Araragi
    I've taken half of it upon myself, to neutralize it,
[10:14] Araragi
    but I don't know what could
    happen in the future.
[10:19] Senjougahara
    You took half of it yourself?
[10:22] Senjougahara
    Will you be okay?
[10:25] Araragi
    My vampiric healing ability
    is keeping me safe.
[10:28] Araragi
    It isn't perfect, but...
[10:30] Senjougahara
    I see.
[10:31] Senjougahara
    Then there's no turning back for you.
[10:34] Senjougahara
    But I suppose with your sister involved,
[10:36] Senjougahara
    that was never really a possibility.
[10:38] Araragi
    That's not all.
[10:40] Araragi
    You're involved, too.
[10:43] Araragi
    Your trying to deal with Kaiki alone,
    for my sake, is insane.
[10:47] Araragi
    Am I wrong?
[10:50] Senjougahara
    It isn't only for your sake.
[10:54] Senjougahara
    Kaiki is one of the things
    I need to settle for myself.
[10:59] Senjougahara
    To the point where, had he not returned,
[11:02] Senjougahara
    I'd have gone looking for him.
[11:05] Araragi
    Why are you so obsessed?
SIGN    One match can start a fire
SIGN    Be careful
    with fire
[11:08] Araragi
    Wasn't it a little thing?
[11:11] Senjougahara
    That was me tsundere-ing.
[11:13] Araragi
    Tsundere-ing?
[11:15] Araragi
    Do you plan to seek revenge on all
    five of the con artists like that?
[11:19] Araragi
    It's over.
[11:21] Araragi
    Aren't there other things you should settle?
[11:25] Senjougahara
    Of course not.
[11:26] Senjougahara
    Like Oshino-san said, I won't pretend
[11:30] Senjougahara
    to be their helpless victim.
[11:33] Senjougahara
    I relied on them, and I was betrayed.
[11:35] Senjougahara
    My personality isn't such that I still...
[11:39] Senjougahara
    My personality...
[11:42] Senjougahara
    My personality isn't the issue here.
[11:44] Senjougahara
    I won't do that.
SIGN    One match can start a fire
[11:46] Araragi
    You have some personality
    problems, don't you?

[11:49] Senjougahara
    But Kaiki is a different matter.
[11:50] Araragi
    Why?
[11:52] Senjougahara
    He's the one responsible for my
    mom and dad's divorce.
[11:57] Senjougahara
    Naturally, I can't blame the
    entire thing on Kaiki,
[12:00] Senjougahara
    and I don't intend to.
[12:01] Senjougahara
    But he ruined my family.
[12:04] Senjougahara
    I can't forgive that.
[12:06] Senjougahara
    If I forgave it...
[12:09] Senjougahara
    I wouldn't be myself anymore.
[12:13] Senjougahara
    I think that
[12:14] Senjougahara
    even without Kaiki, my mom and
    dad would have divorced.
[12:17] Senjougahara
    I think my family would have been split up.
[12:21] Senjougahara
    I think it's my fault that my mom left...
[12:26] Senjougahara
    But, Araragi-kun,
[12:28] Senjougahara
    does the fact that the result would have
[12:30] Senjougahara
    been the same forgive the fact
    that he caused it?
[12:34] Senjougahara
    Does the fact that it would have happened,
[12:36] Senjougahara
    sooner or later, forgive the fact that
    he made it happen, out of malice?
SIGN    Malice
[12:39] Araragi
    Malice.
[12:41] Senjougahara
    Malice is something I have a monopoly on.
[12:43] Araragi
    I don't know about that.
SIGN    Ghost Buster Kaiki Deishuu
[12:45] Senjougahara
    Kaiki used the crab I met to ruin
[12:49] Senjougahara
    my family, all for money.
[12:51] Senjougahara
    Because it made no difference...
[12:56] Senjougahara
    It's possible that you were a
    secondary concern for me,
[13:01] Senjougahara
    that protecting you was simply an excuse.
[13:04] Senjougahara
    And that, in the end, I simply hate Kaiki.
[13:08] Araragi
    An excuse?
SIGN    One match can start a fire
SIGN    Be careful
    with fire
[13:10] Senjougahara
    So I tsundere-ed.
[13:13] Senjougahara
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[13:15] Senjougahara
    I'm not doing this for your sake, Araragi-kun.
[13:20] Araragi
    That is
[13:22] Araragi
    probably not true.
[13:25] Araragi
    The crab...
[13:26] Araragi
    The crab that Senjougahara met.
SIGN    Stop
SIGN    Beast
SIGN    Perversion and Sexual Desire
SIGN    Praying
SIGN    Flashback
    Flashback
    Flashback
[13:28] Araragi
    This happened when the crab was possessing her.
SIGN    In Surgery
[13:31] Araragi
    She couldn't even hate Kaiki Deishuu when it happened.
SIGN    M*m Broken
[13:37] Araragi
    That was how the crab worked.
SIGN    Hand Hand Hand
[13:41] Araragi
    She should have gotten angry, like a child.
[13:44] Araragi
    A child who'd lost her mom.
[13:46] Araragi
    But then, there is
[13:49] Araragi
    one thing I don't understand.
[13:52] Araragi
    Kaiki is a con man and a fake, right?
[13:55] Araragi
    But from what you said,
    it sounds like he saw your crab.
[13:59] Senjougahara
    I don't know.
[14:00] Senjougahara
    But a fake with more power
    than the real thing
[14:04] Senjougahara
    is more dangerous than the real thing.
[14:06] Senjougahara
    Of course, at the time,
[14:08] Senjougahara
    I thought him just another sleazy con artist.
[14:10] Senjougahara
    But thinking back,
[14:11] Senjougahara
    he may have deliberately feigned incompetence
[14:14] Senjougahara
    to draw more money from my father.
[14:17] Araragi
    He's spending his time taking pocket
    change from middle schoolers now.
[14:21] Araragi
    And he got my sister when
    she tried to stop him.
[14:25] Senjougahara
    I see.
[14:26] Senjougahara
    Your sister is a hero-man like you.
[14:28] Araragi
    Stop calling me that!
[14:31] Senjougahara
    The Fire Sisters of Tsuganoki
    2nd Middle School.
[14:33] Senjougahara
    I'd heard the rumors.
[14:36] Araragi
    Come to think of it, you did hear about them.
[14:38] Senjougahara
    Just so we're clear, Araragi-kun,
[14:40] Senjougahara
    my impression is that
[14:41] Senjougahara
    "right" is a concept that won't work on him.
[14:45] Senjougahara
    And "right" is all you have,
[14:46] Senjougahara
    which makes you strong against hypocrites,
[14:48] Senjougahara
    but weak against someone who's really evil.
[14:51] Araragi
    I told you I'm not like that...
[14:53] Araragi
    However,
[14:54] Araragi
    I won't sit back and let you become a criminal.
[14:57] Senjougahara
    I've no intention of committing any crimes.
[15:00] Senjougahara
    I'm just going to punish him...
[15:02] Araragi
    In modern society the two are identical.
SIGN    One match can start a fire
SIGN    Be careful
    with fire
[15:05] Araragi
    Senjougahara, you might not know this,
[15:09] Araragi
    but I love you.
[15:11] Araragi
    Even if you do become a criminal,
    and end up in jail,
[15:15] Araragi
    I'd still visit you every day.
[15:19] Araragi
    But I'd rather be with you all the time.
[15:22] Araragi
    Sometimes, I don't know
    why I'm dating you.
[15:27] Araragi
    But I love you so much, I don't need a reason.
[15:32] Araragi
    If you're going, then let's go together.
[15:34] Araragi
    You can protect me...
[15:36] Araragi
    I'll protect you.
[15:38] Senjougahara
    Oh, no.
[15:39] Senjougahara
    So incredibly cool...
[15:41] Senjougahara
    If I were a man,
[15:43] Senjougahara
    I'd be so jealous of your manliness
    that I'd kill you.
[15:46] Araragi
    Terrifying!
SIGN    Terrifying
[15:47] Senjougahara
    I'm glad I'm a woman
[15:49] Senjougahara
    because I can love you...
[15:53] Senjougahara
    I understand, Araragi-kun.
[15:55] Senjougahara
    I'll do as you say.
[15:57] Araragi
    Then you'll take me to Kaiki?
[16:00] Senjougahara
    Yes.
[16:01] Senjougahara
    But in exchange, I do have a request.
[16:04] Araragi
    A request?
[16:05] Senjougahara
    If you dislike the presumption implied
    by the word "request,"
[16:09] Senjougahara
    then call it a condition.
[16:10] Senjougahara
    A condition required before
    I'll take you to Kaiki.
[16:13] Senjougahara
    What will you do?
[16:14] Araragi
    I'll do it.
[16:16] Araragi
    I'll do it gladly, no matter what
    it is or how many there are.
[16:19] Hachikuji
    I have just one request, Araragi-kun.
[16:23] Hachikuji
    By meeting with Kaiki, I intend
    to resolve things with myself.
[16:28] Hachikuji
    Just like my master cut...
[16:29] Hachikuji
    I mean, Hanekawa-san cut her hair.
[16:31] Araragi
    That is a remarkable mistake to make.
SIGN    My Master
[16:34] Araragi
    And not anything I can pretend I didn't hear!
[16:35] Senjougahara
    I am not being threatened.
[16:36] Araragi
    You're being threatened? By Hanekawa?!
[16:38] Senjougahara
    No matter where I am,
[16:40] Senjougahara
    it's natural that I should kneel
    before Hanekawa-san.
[16:43] Araragi
    No matter where you are?
[16:44] Senjougahara
    Just as Hanekawa-san...
[16:46] Senjougahara
    As Hanekawa-san cut her hair.
[16:49] Senjougahara
    Just as doing that let her move forward,
[16:52] Senjougahara
    I'm going to settle things with
    my past by meeting Kaiki.
[16:57] Senjougahara
    I'm going to move forward.
[17:01] Araragi
    So, what's your request?
[17:04] Araragi
    What must I do, for you to take me with you?
[17:07] Senjougahara
    I can't say yet.
[17:08] Araragi
    It's something you can't tell me?
[17:10] Senjougahara
    Once things are settled with Kaiki,
[17:12] Senjougahara
    no matter what the outcome,
[17:13] Senjougahara
    I'll tell you then.
[17:15] Araragi
    Then there's no difference if you say it now.
[17:17] Senjougahara
    If I said it now, it wouldn't be foreshadowing.
[17:20] Araragi
    It's foreshadowing?!
[17:21] Senjougahara
    That's right.
[17:22] Senjougahara
    After you die, I'll have to spend
[17:25] Senjougahara
    the rest of my life alone, regretting
    that I didn't say anything now.
[17:28] Araragi
    It's foreshadowing my death?
[17:30] Senjougahara
    That's right.
[17:31] Senjougahara
    And in the climactic scene,
[17:33] Senjougahara
    the telescope you gave me for
[17:35] Senjougahara
    my birthday features as an important item.
[17:38] Araragi
    There isn't a scene involving a telescope!
[17:42] Araragi
    Just tell me what it is...
[17:43] Araragi
    Screw the foreshadowing!
[17:44] Senjougahara
    Then let's forget the whole thing.
[17:48] Araragi
    Fine... I'll do it.
[17:49] Senjougahara
    All right.
[17:51] Senjougahara
    Then let's go.
[17:53] Senjougahara
    Let's protect each other.
SIGN    Room 201
[17:56] Senjougahara
    I promised I'd meet him at 5:00 PM.
[17:59] Araragi
    Right...
[18:00] Araragi
    Then I'll be going back to my house.
[18:02] Senjougahara
    Very well.
[18:03] Senjougahara
    Then come back in the early evening.
[18:05] Araragi
    Yeah.
[18:06] Araragi
    Don't do anything on your own, okay?
[18:08] Senjougahara
    Of course not.
[18:09] Senjougahara
    Have I ever lied?
[18:13] Senjougahara
    Don't worry.
[18:15] Senjougahara
    This time, it's to get you
    to hear my request.
[18:19] Senjougahara
    I might lie, but I'll keep my promise.
[18:22] Araragi
    All right...
[18:24] Araragi
    Well, then that's okay.
[18:26] Senjougahara
    Yes.
[18:27] Senjougahara
    This is a trade.
[18:28] Senjougahara
    And...
[18:30] Senjougahara
    Even I'm starting to get a little tired.
[18:33] Senjougahara
    You've been up all night,
[18:35] Senjougahara
    even if you were unconscious for a while.
[18:37] Senjougahara
    Kaiki isn't someone you can
    deal with on no sleep.
[18:42] Araragi
    Well, I think I deal with no
    sleep better than most.
[18:46] Araragi
    As a former vampire.
[18:47] Senjougahara
    But rest up anyway.
[18:50] Senjougahara
    You might not be able to sleep tonight.
[19:00] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan?
[19:01] Araragi
    Oh, you're up?
[19:03] Araragi
    Good morning.
[19:04] Tsukihi
    Karen-chan is gone!
[19:07] Tsukihi
    When I got up...
[19:09] Tsukihi
    She wasn't there...
[19:12] Tsukihi
    And she can't be fully healed yet!
[19:14] Araragi
    Calm down, Tsukihi-chan!
[19:17] Senjougahara
    Her shoes are gone,
[19:18] Senjougahara
    and it looks like she changed her clothes...
[19:20] Araragi
    Calm down.
[19:21] Araragi
    Do you have any idea where she'd go?
[19:22] Araragi
    Anywhere she'd be likely to go?
[19:25] Tsukihi
    None...
[19:26] Tsukihi
    I think she'd go to that Kaiki guy's place.
[19:29] Tsukihi
    But I don't know where he is...
[19:34] Araragi
    Does that mean Karen-chan does?
[19:37] Tsukihi
    She shouldn't.
[19:38] Tsukihi
    She let him go once.
[19:42] Araragi
    I'll look for her.
[19:44] Araragi
    You wait at home.
[19:46] Tsukihi
    But I want to go, too.
[19:48] Araragi
    If you find her, there's a risk she'll
    persuade you to go with her.
[19:53] Tsukihi
    You really don't trust me, do you?
[19:55] Araragi
    I don't.
[19:57] Araragi
    But I do worry.
[20:01] Araragi
    But more than that, I'm mad!
[20:09] Araragi
    Think.
[20:11] Araragi
    If I were Karen, what would I do?
[20:13] Araragi
    First, I'd want to get away from the house.
SIGN    No Cars Please
[20:15] Araragi
    Because if I found her, I'd take her back.
[20:17] Araragi
    That much is certain.
[20:19] Araragi
    The problem is, what then?
[20:22] Araragi
    What then? What then? What then?
SIGN    Black Scene
[20:24] Shinobu
    Be quiet...
[20:26] Shinobu
    You're being too loud for me to sleep.
[20:29] Shinobu
    When you panic,
[20:31] Shinobu
    that panic is transmitted directly to me.
[20:36] Araragi
    Shinobu,
[20:37] Araragi
    do you know what's going on?
[20:38] Shinobu
    Basically.
[20:40] Shinobu
    Your sister's almost as reckless as you are...
[20:47] Shinobu
    Come to think of it,
[20:49] Shinobu
    you once searched for me when I was lost.
[20:52] Shinobu
    I remember those days.
[20:55] Araragi
    Can I ask if you're going to help me?
[20:57] Shinobu
    Ha ha.
[20:58] Shinobu
    Unfortunately,
[21:00] Shinobu
    I'm not in a position to refuse
    any request you make.
[21:04] Shinobu
    The question of which of us is the master
[21:06] Shinobu
    is a complicated one,
[21:08] Shinobu
    but you're certainly the stronger.
[21:10] Shinobu
    I've told you a bunch of times that
[21:11] Shinobu
    the bonds of a vampire are
    bonds of the soul, right?
[21:14] Shinobu
    Thus,
[21:16] Shinobu
    for any order you give me,
[21:18] Shinobu
    no matter how much I may
    want to refuse, I cannot.
[21:22] Araragi
    It isn't an order.
[21:23] Araragi
    I'm not in a position to order you.
[21:26] Shinobu
    Then I won't do it, idiot.
[21:28] Shinobu
    What you just saw
[21:29] Shinobu
    was me saying I'd help you,
    but I'd rather not say so myself.
[21:33] Shinobu
    So please allow me to save face
    by calling it an order.
[21:37] Shinobu
    Why couldn't you tell?
[21:39] Shinobu
    My showing up right now,
    when I should clearly
[21:43] Shinobu
    be sleeping was obviously
    so that I could help you.
[21:49] Araragi
    You're a tsundere, too.
[21:53] Araragi
    Then it's an order.
[21:54] Araragi
    Get off your ass, and find out
    where Karen-chan is, already!
[21:57] Shinobu
    Oh, no... Oh, no.
[21:59] Shinobu
    What cruel fate forces me
    to obey the orders
[22:03] Shinobu
    of a lesser being like this human?
[22:05] Shinobu
    But I cannot disobey an order...
[22:11] Shinobu
    You can't do anything without me around.
[22:15] Shinobu
    You're so cute.
[22:18] Shinobu
    Ha ha.
[22:21] Shinobu
    Your sister's blood is structurally
    similar to yours.
[22:25] Shinobu
    So I can tell where she is by the smell.
[22:32] Shinobu
    She doesn't seem to have gone very far...

Season 1

E7 - Karen Bee, Part Seven

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Karen
    Hey, kiss-freak...
[00:10] Koyomi
    We're going home.
[00:11] Karen
    Shut up.
[00:12] Karen
    Go home by yourself.
[00:13] Karen
    Don't try and stop me.
[00:15] Karen
    I told you...
[00:17] Karen
    How mad he made me.
[00:20] Koyomi
    And I told you to leave the rest to me.
[00:23] Karen
    I...
[00:24] Karen
    I never said I would.
[00:26] Koyomi
    Don't push yourself...
[00:28] Koyomi
    You should rest right now.
[00:31] Karen
    I'm not going to talk about this.
[00:34] Karen
    You won't listen to what I have to say anyway.
[00:37] Koyomi
    I'll listen later.
[00:39] Koyomi
    I'll sit beside you, peeling apples,
[00:41] Koyomi
    while you rest.
[00:43] Karen
    Come to think of it,
[00:45] ---
    it's been a long time since
    I've had a real, serious
[00:47] ---
    fight with you!
SIGN    Episode 7: Karen Bee, Part 7
[00:55] Koyomi
    Don't be stupid.
[00:56] Koyomi
    I've never been serious
    against my little sister.
[01:00] Koyomi
    This isn't the dojo.
[01:03] Koyomi
    And you're not in great shape,
SIGN    Stung by Supernatural Bee
[01:05] Koyomi
    
[01:05] Koyomi
    right?
[01:06] Karen
    Great shape?
[01:07] Karen
    You've got that right.
[01:09] Karen
    My head's all stuffed up,
    and my whole body is hot.
[01:13] Karen
    It feels like my clothes are
    about to catch fire.
[01:15] Karen
    My muscles ache, and I can barely walk.
[01:19] Karen
    And maybe there isn't enough moisture
[01:21] ---
    in my eyes, 'cause you look all blurry.
[01:24] Karen
    The next time I blink, I might
    never open my eyes again.
[01:28] Karen
    So I'm in the best shape of my life!
[01:32] Koyomi
    Pretty cool...
[01:33] Koyomi
    If you weren't my sister,
    I'd fall in love with you.
[01:36] Karen
    If you weren't my brother,
    I might be able to hold back!
SIGN    
[01:49] Karen
    Thanks, Nii-chan...
[01:51] Karen
    That woke me up!
[01:53] Karen
    There are twenty minutes till
    the next bus comes.
[01:57] Karen
    Nii-chan, should I call you an ambulance?
[01:59] Koyomi
    Hell, no.
[02:00] Koyomi
    The one who'll be taking the ambulance...
[02:04] ---
    is you!
[02:05] Karen
    No way.
[02:06] Karen
    How can he stand?
[02:07] Karen
    That could've killed him.
[02:09] Karen
    I was told never to use it outside the dojo...
[02:12] Koyomi
    Then I think it's time they kicked you out!
[02:14] Karen
    Don't try and stop me!
[02:27] Karen
    By the way, Nii-chan...
SIGN    When Your Body Feels Hot
[02:29] Karen
    When you say, "Your body feels hot,"
[02:32] Karen
    don't you think it seems kinda naughty?
[02:34] Koyomi
    I don't...
[02:37] Karen
    Because
[02:37] Karen
    "hot" is the first three letters of "hotel"!
[02:39] Koyomi
    Are you my junior?!
SIGN    Naughtiness in the Athletic Storeroom
    A beast of lust arrives!
SIGN    Talk to us about anything
[02:41] Karen
    Your junior? Who's that?
[02:43] Koyomi
    The biggest pervert I know!
SIGN    Kanbaru
    Suruga
SIGN    Recreation
[02:54] Shinobu
    Hey, master...
SIGN    Recreation
[02:58] Shinobu
    Did I not tell you?
[03:00] Shinobu
    Just as your fears are transmitted to me directly,
[03:05] Shinobu
    I feel your pain, as well.
[03:11] Koyomi
    Put up with it for a little longer.
SIGN    Recreation
[03:13] Shinobu
    If you order me to, I will act.
[03:16] Koyomi
    Here's your order: do nothing.
SIGN    Recreation
[03:19] Shinobu
    You ask the hardest things...
[03:22] Koyomi
    I'll pat your head later.
SIGN    Recreation
[03:25] Shinobu
    That isn't enough.
[03:26] Shinobu
    I request a ritual one level higher.
[03:31] Koyomi
    I didn't know there was one.
SIGN    Recreation
[03:32] Koyomi
    Out of curiosity, what is it?
[03:35] Shinobu
    Don't pat my head...
[03:39] Shinobu
    Rub my breasts.
SIGN    Recreation
SIGN    Recreation
[03:43] Koyomi
    Why didn't you say that to me
[03:45] ---
    when you were still an adult?!
SIGN    Punch
[03:55] Karen
    Give it up, already.
[03:57] Karen
    It hurts my fists when I punch you...
[04:00] Koyomi
    Forget that.
[04:01] Koyomi
    It hurts me when you punch me.
[04:04] Karen
    You can't beat me, Nii-chan.
[04:07] Koyomi
    You can't beat me, Karen-chan.
[04:09] Karen
    This is your chance to surrender, Nii-chan!
[04:12] Koyomi
    It's way too late for that line.
[04:16] Karen
    My fists hurt, so I'm going
    to stop punching you.
[04:26] Karen
    Not bad, Nii-chan!
[04:34] Koyomi
    Hey!
[04:54] Karen
    You get it now, right?
[04:56] Karen
    You can't beat me, Nii-chan!
[04:58] Koyomi
    You're the one who needs to get it...
[05:01] Koyomi
    You can't beat me, Karen-chan!
[05:04] Karen
    The good guy always wins, right?
[05:07] Karen
    Doesn't that mean that whoever
    wins is right, Nii-chan?
[05:10] Karen
    So if I beat you, I can go?
[05:13] Koyomi
    That way of thinking is dangerous.
[05:16] Koyomi
    It's about as far from justice as you can get.
[05:19] Karen
    What are you talking about?
[05:20] Karen
    You always say that, don't you?
[05:22] Karen
    Like a big arrogant jerk.
[05:24] Koyomi
    What do I say?
[05:26] Karen
    About Tsukihi-chan and me...
[05:28] Karen
    We're right, but we aren't strong.
[05:31] Karen
    And the good guys always win,
    so you can't lose.
SIGN    Fakes
[05:35] Karen
    You always talk like you're so
    much better than we are!
[05:40] Karen
    So I tried to make it so I wouldn't lose...
[05:42] Koyomi
    Oh, that?
[05:44] Koyomi
    That's correct.
[05:45] Koyomi
    You're right.
[05:47] Koyomi
    But you aren't strong.
[05:48] Karen
    I am strong...
[05:49] Karen
    Stronger than you, if nothing else.
[05:51] Koyomi
    Physically strong means nothing.
[05:54] Koyomi
    To be the real thing,
[05:56] Koyomi
    you need a strong will.
[05:58] Koyomi
    When you say you can't forgive Kaiki,
    where is your will?
[06:03] Koyomi
    You two are always trying to help others.
[06:06] Koyomi
    You're always doing it for someone else.
[06:08] Koyomi
    There's no will of your own there.
[06:10] Karen
    No!
[06:11] Karen
    We're doing what we think is right.
[06:15] Karen
    Everyone else is just the reason.
[06:17] Koyomi
    Don't make me laugh!
[06:19] Koyomi
    How can someone who seeks
[06:20] ---
    a reason from another person be right?
[06:23] Koyomi
    While you're forcing that reason
[06:24] ---
    on someone else, how can
    you take responsibility?
[06:27] Koyomi
    You're not good, and you're not heroes.
[06:31] Koyomi
    You're just kids playing a game!
SIGN    Fakes
[06:34] Koyomi
    Fakes.
[06:36] Koyomi
    You never go after evil people, just villains.
[06:40] Koyomi
    Am I wrong?
[06:41] Karen
    You are!
[06:42] Karen
    You don't know anything, so shut up.
[06:44] Karen
    Tsubasa-san would understand...
[06:47] Karen
    She knows everything!
[06:49] Koyomi
    She doesn't know everything.
[06:51] Koyomi
    All she knows
[06:53] Koyomi
    is what she knows.
[06:55] Koyomi
    If you can't give up the idea of self-sacrifice
    and be content with self-satisfaction,
[06:59] Koyomi
    you need to shut up.
[07:00] Koyomi
    It gives me a headache to hear you talk.
[07:03] Karen
    What's wrong with doing
    something for someone else?
[07:06] Karen
    What's wrong with self-sacrifice?
[07:08] Karen
    Even if... Even if we're fakes,
    what's wrong with that?
[07:13] Karen
    Has it ever caused any trouble for you?!
[07:16] Koyomi
    For a long time now.
[07:18] Koyomi
    But...
[07:21] Koyomi
    I never said it was wrong.
[07:24] Koyomi
    If you're prepared to live with a sense
    of inferiority for the rest of your life,
[07:27] Koyomi
    then even if you're a fake,
    isn't that the same as being real?
[07:31] Koyomi
    Just so we're clear, I hate you two.
[07:34] Koyomi
    But I'm always proud of you.
[07:37] Karen
    Nii-chan.
[07:38] Koyomi
    You said he made you mad, right?
[07:41] Koyomi
    I heard you...
[07:43] Koyomi
    However, I'm much madder...
[07:47] Koyomi
    He hurt something I'm
    proud of, and he'll pay.
[07:49] Koyomi
    Leave the rest to me!
[07:51] Karen
    I'm mad, but I also feel pathetic.
[07:54] Karen
    Making you clean up after my mess...
[07:56] Koyomi
    You can't even clean up your own sweat.
    Don't worry about it.
[08:00] Koyomi
    Cleaning up after their
[08:01] ---
    little sister is an honor for a big brother.
[08:05] Koyomi
    This time, I'll show you being cool.
[08:08] Koyomi
    Make sure you don't fall in love.
[08:10] Koyomi
    It'd be incestuous...
[08:12] Karen
    I'm already in love, Nii-chan.
[08:17] Karen
    You take care of the rest.
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    7/30 Sunday
SIGN    After that, I carried Karen home on my back.
    I don't think she'll be running off again,
    but just in case, I wrote "Any man will do"
    on her face with permanent marker, so she can't leave.
    (While I was at it, I wrote "Wearing a bra is a pain,
    so I'm not" on Tsukihi's. She shares responsibility, too.)
    Then I went to meet up with Senjougahara again. Then...
[08:29] Kaiki
    Aren't you the one I met in front
    of the Gaen child's house?
SIGN    Fine-ground and Deep-roasted
[08:35] Kaiki
    You're here about your sister?
SIGN    Naughty Ferris Wheel
[08:37] Kaiki
    A very manly child, then.
    Rare these days.
[08:42] Kaiki
    Your charm is gone, Senjougahara.
[08:46] Kaiki
    You've become a normal girl.
[08:48] Suruga
    What?
[08:49] Suruga
    I never wanted to see you again.
[08:52] Suruga
    Actually, that's a lie.
[08:54] Suruga
    I never wanted to see you in the first place.
[08:59] Suruga
    But I can say this now...
[09:04] Suruga
    I've been wanting to see you, Kaiki-san.
[09:06] Kaiki
    I didn't want to see you,
[09:08] Kaiki
    now that you're just a normal girl.
SIGN    Naughty Ferris Wheel
[09:12] Kaiki
    The last time we met,
    you shone like darkness.
[09:16] Kaiki
    No, better to say you'd attained
    a level of enlightenment.
[09:19] Kaiki
    Someone well worth deceiving...
[09:21] Kaiki
    Stop. Let's talk.
[09:23] Kaiki
    I've come to talk.
[09:25] Kaiki
    So did you, right?
[09:27] Kaiki
    Am I wrong?
[09:30] Kaiki
    Very well. I get it...
[09:33] Kaiki
    I'll stop cheating the middle schoolers.
[09:35] Kaiki
    And I won't spread the charms anymore.
[09:40] Kaiki
    And that lively little girl,
[09:42] ---
    your sister... Don't worry
    about her, Araragi.
[09:46] Kaiki
    It's called instant hypnosis.
[09:49] Kaiki
    She'll recover her health within
    the next three days.
[09:52] Kaiki
    And, Senjougahara...
[09:54] Kaiki
    I'll officially apologize for what
    happened with your mother.
[09:58] Kaiki
    And I'll do my best to return the money
[10:02] ---
    taken from your father.
[10:09] Suruga
    That's quite gracious of you...
[10:12] Suruga
    Did you really think I'd believe it?
[10:14] Suruga
    You don't seem repentant at all.
[10:18] Suruga
    Not the slightest bit.
[10:20] Kaiki
    Don't I?
[10:21] Kaiki
    Come to think of it,
    I didn't actually apologize.
[10:25] Kaiki
    Or beg for my life.
[10:28] Kaiki
    Sorry, very sorry, guys.
[10:30] Kaiki
    I'm very repentant.
[10:32] Kaiki
    Very sorry.
[10:33] Suruga
    I'm supposed to believe that
    half-hearted apology?
[10:37] Suruga
    Every word you say is a lie.
[10:40] Kaiki
    Perhaps.
[10:42] Suruga
    I'd prefer if you didn't upset me.
[10:44] Suruga
    I'm doing everything I can to hold
    myself back right now.
[10:47] Suruga
    Refraining from killing you is very difficult.
[10:51] Kaiki
    So it seems.
[10:52] Kaiki
    And it's in that respect that
    you've become normal.
[10:59] Kaiki
    The old you would never have held back.
[11:03] Suruga
    I won't ask you to return the money.
[11:06] Suruga
    That won't bring my family back.
[11:09] Kaiki
    You won't?
[11:11] Kaiki
    That's great.
[11:12] Kaiki
    I go through money fast.
[11:14] Kaiki
    I barely have any on me.
SIGN    A I U E O
SIGN    Open the
    mind's eye
SIGN    Gotta drink the medicine. Gotta peel the apples. Hurry, gotta do it.
[11:16] Kaiki
    If I were going to repay you,
SIGN     1
    
    8 O
    
    7 E
SIGN    A 3
    
    I 4
    
    U 5
SIGN    Oh, how horrid. My beloved daughter's hands and legs are warping into something awful.
SIGN    Gotta sever Gotta sever Gotta join Gotta join Oh, so busy Busy
SIGN    Tooth
    
    Bloomed
    
    Bloomed
    
    Cherry
SIGN    Nose Flower Flower
SIGN    With All My Heart
[11:18] ---
    I'd have needed to think up a new con.
SIGN    Flashback
SIGN    Toward
    intercourse
    like an
    animal
SIGN    Lust writhing atop the girl's body.
SIGN    Palm
SIGN    Rising Sun
SIGN    
    
    8
    
    7
    
    6
SIGN    1 2 3 4
SIGN    Broken
[11:23] Suruga
    Leave this city.
[11:25] Suruga
    Now.
[11:25] Kaiki
    Very well.
[11:28] Kaiki
    What's wrong, Araragi?
[11:29] Kaiki
    Why do you look at me with those eyes?
[11:32] Kaiki
    I hurt your sister.
[11:35] Kaiki
    Shouldn't I see more hatred in them?
[11:39] Koyomi
    She got what was coming to her.
[11:42] Koyomi
    It's her fault for getting involved
    with someone like you.
[11:45] Suruga
    That's not true.
[11:46] Suruga
    Her mistake was coming to see me alone.
[11:50] Suruga
    If she wanted to get me, she should have
[11:52] ---
    come with greater numbers,
    just as you have.
[11:56] Suruga
    In most other respects, she was right.
[12:02] Suruga
    Or, Araragi, did you decide on
    your own that she is a fool,
[12:06] Suruga
    thereby denying her?
[12:10] Koyomi
    I think she's right. Just...
[12:12] Kaiki
    She isn't strong?
[12:14] Kaiki
    True, she isn't.
[12:16] Kaiki
    But denying her kindness is a mistake.
[12:20] Kaiki
    And...
[12:23] Kaiki
    And without girls like that around,
[12:25] Kaiki
    I'd be out of business as a con man.
[12:29] Suruga
    So why is a con man like that
[12:32] ---
    doing what I want?
[12:34] Suruga
    It would be easy to talk me into
    doing whatever you wished.
[12:37] Suruga
    Like before.
[12:38] Kaiki
    Senjougahara,
[12:39] Kaiki
    you have the wrong idea about me.
[12:42] Kaiki
    No, you have the right idea.
    You merely overestimate me.
[12:46] Kaiki
    The person you view as your enemy
[12:49] ---
    is just a pathetic, middle-aged man.
[12:51] Kaiki
    Even as a con man,
    he's a minor and shabby one.
[12:54] Kaiki
    Or did I seem to you like
    some sort of monster?
[12:58] Suruga
    Of course not.
SIGN    Black Scene
[13:00] Suruga
    You're just...
[13:04] Suruga
    ...a fake.
[13:08] Kaiki
    Yes, that's right.
[13:09] Kaiki
    I'm a fake.
[13:12] Kaiki
    I'm no one special.
[13:14] Kaiki
    Nor are you.
[13:16] Kaiki
    There's nothing dramatic about me
[13:18] Kaiki
    or about you.
[13:21] Kaiki
    Araragi, what about you?
[13:24] Kaiki
    I'd like to ask you a question.
SIGN    Naughty Ferris Wheel
[13:27] Kaiki
    Is your life dramatic?
SIGN    Tragic
[13:30] Kaiki
    Tragic?
SIGN    Comedic
[13:31] Kaiki
    Musical?
SIGN    Musical
[13:33] Kaiki
    I feel an unpleasant presence
    from your shadow.
[13:37] Kaiki
    And it appears
[13:38] ---
    you've taken half of your
    sister's pain onto yourself.
[13:42] Kaiki
    Madness...
[13:43] Kaiki
    To do something so risky for no money.
[13:47] Koyomi
    Which are you?
[13:50] Kaiki
    Which am I?
[13:51] Koyomi
    Do you know about the supernatural?
[13:55] Kaiki
    That's a less interesting question
    than I expected...
[13:58] Kaiki
    You're ruining my fun, Araragi.
[14:00] Kaiki
    For example, do you believe in ghosts?
[14:03] Kaiki
    You understand the mind of someone
[14:05] ---
    who doesn't believe in ghosts,
[14:07] ---
    but is still scared of them, right?
[14:09] Kaiki
    I'm something similar.
[14:11] Kaiki
    So let me answer your question this way...
[14:14] Kaiki
    I know nothing about the supernatural.
[14:16] Kaiki
    But I know those who do know.
[14:19] Kaiki
    That is all.
[14:21] Kaiki
    More precisely, I simply know
    those who think they know.
[14:28] Kaiki
    The wreathe-fire bee.
[14:30] Kaiki
    Ever heard of the wreathe-fire bee?
[14:33] Koyomi
    A monster from around the 15th century
    or something, wasn't it?
[14:36] Koyomi
    When a strange plague was explained
[14:37] ---
    as the work of a supernatural monster.
[14:40] Kaiki
    Correct.
[14:41] Kaiki
    However, wrong.
[14:43] Kaiki
    The wreathe-fire bee is a monster
    recorded in Chapter 15
SIGN    Wreathe-Fire Bee
SIGN    18th-Century Work
[14:47] ---
    of the 18th-century work,
SIGN    Illustrated Codex of
    Eastern Disturbances, Chapter 15
[14:49] ---
    The Illustrated Codex of Eastern Disturbances.
[14:51] Kaiki
    However, the truth of the matter
[14:53] ---
    is that there was no such plague
    during the Muromachi era.
SIGN    Falsified History Bee
[14:58] Kaiki
    Falsified history.
[15:00] Kaiki
    Those who came after the author
[15:02] ---
    foolishly believed the tale he'd written.
[15:07] Koyomi
    My sister...
[15:10] Koyomi
    My sister who was stung by
    the wreathe-fire bee...
SIGN    Any Man Will Do.
SIGN    Wearing a bra is a pain, so I'm not
[15:15] Koyomi
    Is it true that she'll recover,
    even if we do nothing?
[15:17] Kaiki
    Of course.
[15:18] Kaiki
    There are no monsters.
SIGN    Victim
[15:21] Kaiki
    And thus, no victims.
SIGN    Monster
[15:23] Kaiki
    You think that they exist,
[15:26] Kaiki
    so you feel like they're there.
[15:28] Kaiki
    Let me be clear...
[15:31] Kaiki
    Don't involve me in your delusions.
[15:35] Kaiki
    It's a nuisance.
[15:39] Koyomi
    He's a fake.
[15:42] Koyomi
    Just like Senjougahara said
[15:43] Koyomi
    and he said,
[15:45] Koyomi
    he's decided to live his entire life
    with a sense of inferiority.

[15:48] Koyomi
    A proud fake.
[15:50] Kaiki
    And you've taken half of it upon yourself.
[15:53] Kaiki
    It may not even take three days.
[15:56] Kaiki
    I don't know how you did it,
    but that's impressive.
[16:00] Kaiki
    But that means, Araragi,
SIGN    Naughty Ferris Wheel
[16:02] Kaiki
    that you and I will never
    accept one another.
[16:06] Kaiki
    It's far worse than water and oil.
[16:08] Kaiki
    We're fire and oil.
[16:09] Koyomi
    Who's fire and who's oil?
[16:12] Kaiki
    I don't know.
[16:13] Kaiki
    Since neither of us really seems like fire,
[16:15] Kaiki
    why not rubidium and water instead?
[16:19] Kaiki
    And I'm the rubidium.
[16:21] Koyomi
    So I'm water?
[16:23] Koyomi
    Then the fire is Karen and Tsukihi.
[16:27] Koyomi
    Fire and fire...
[16:28] Koyomi
    Together, they become an inferno,
[16:29] Koyomi
    the Fire Sisters.
[16:31] Suruga
    Your phone.
[16:34] Suruga
    Give me your phone.
[16:41] Kaiki
    That was horrible of you.
[16:43] Kaiki
    Now I won't be able to help those
    poor middle schoolers...
[16:47] Kaiki
    I wouldn't know how to reach them.
[16:51] Suruga
    I'm not asking you to help kids
    I don't even know.
[16:55] Suruga
    Araragi-kun, I'm about to say the
    most horrible thing in the world.
[17:03] Suruga
    It's their fault for being tricked.
[17:07] Suruga
    I'm not a hero or a good guy.
[17:09] Suruga
    I'm just an enemy of evil.
[17:13] Suruga
    You can't do anything for the victims, anyway.
[17:16] Suruga
    Even if you tried,
[17:18] ---
    you'd only end up stealing more from them.
[17:21] Kaiki
    I'm sure I would.
[17:23] Kaiki
    I'm a con man.
[17:24] Kaiki
    The whole atonement thing
    was a lie, as well.
[17:26] Kaiki
    You probably don't want to understand this,
[17:28] Kaiki
    but for me, making money isn't
    a matter of profit and loss.
[17:32] Suruga
    That's the part of you...
[17:35] Kaiki
    The "part of me" you what?
[17:39] Kaiki
    No answer?
[17:40] Kaiki
    You really have grown up to be boring...
[17:44] Kaiki
    Dramatic or not, you used to be wonderful.
[17:48] Kaiki
    And now you're just boring.
[17:51] Kaiki
    Heavier and fatter, though.
[17:53] Suruga
    Shut up.
[17:55] Suruga
    I don't care what you say about the old me.
[17:57] Suruga
    But don't insult me as I am now.
[18:00] Suruga
    Araragi-kun says he loves me.
[18:04] Suruga
    He loves me as I am now.
[18:06] Suruga
    Therefore, I like me as I am, too.
[18:09] Suruga
    So I cannot ignore anything you
    say that would damage me.
[18:13] Kaiki
    What?
[18:15] Kaiki
    So you two are like that.
[18:17] Kaiki
    I see... I see.
[18:18] Kaiki
    So that's it...
[18:20] Kaiki
    Then I've nothing more to say.
[18:22] Kaiki
    I don't wish to interfere with
    a budding relationship.
[18:24] Kaiki
    If you're not going to ask for it,
    I won't attempt to atone.
[18:27] Kaiki
    I don't want to do anything that
    won't get me any money.
[18:30] Kaiki
    I'll leave town.
[18:33] Kaiki
    I'll be gone tomorrow.
[18:35] Kaiki
    That's good enough, isn't it, Senjougahara?
[18:37] Kaiki
    Oh, yes... Senjougahara.
[18:39] Kaiki
    Let me tell you something.
[18:41] Suruga
    I don't want to hear it.
[18:42] Kaiki
    The man who once tried to rape you...
[18:45] Kaiki
    He was hit by a car and died.
[18:47] Kaiki
    In a place that had nothing to do with you,
[18:49] Kaiki
    in a way that had nothing to do with you.
[18:52] Kaiki
    And with no drama at all.
[18:55] Kaiki
    That's all there is to the past that
[18:58] ---
    you spend so much time worrying about.
[19:00] Kaiki
    There's nothing even worth settling.
[19:04] Kaiki
    The lesson for you here is not to expect
    anything dramatic from life.
[19:08] Suruga
    That's another lie, of course.
[19:10] Suruga
    The man who'd forgotten about me
    until this morning
[19:12] ---
    wouldn't know a thing about the
    man who tried to rape me.
[19:16] Kaiki
    Senjougahara, try to see past
    the surface of things.
[19:20] Kaiki
    It's possible that the fact that I'd forgotten
[19:23] ---
    about you was a lie, right?
[19:26] Suruga
    A lie...
[19:27] Suruga
    That's a lie.
SIGN    Black Scene
[19:28] Kaiki
    Does it matter if it's a lie?
[19:30] Kaiki
    There's no such thing as truth in this world.
[19:33] Kaiki
    Don't worry.
[19:35] Kaiki
    The fact that you were once in love with me
[19:37] Kaiki
    doesn't count as cheating.
[19:40] Kaiki
    It isn't fair to me if you hate me,
    in an attempt
[19:43] ---
    at loyalty to your current lover.
[19:46] Kaiki
    I'll say it again.
[19:47] Kaiki
    The past is merely the past.
[19:49] Kaiki
    There's no value in overcoming it
    or catching up to it.
[19:52] Kaiki
    A woman like you shouldn't be bound
    by such stupid emotions.
[19:56] Kaiki
    Just be happy with the man you have.
[19:59] Kaiki
    Farewell.
[20:04] Koyomi
    You fell in love with him?
[20:06] Suruga
    What was that?
[20:08] Suruga
    Araragi-kun, did you just attempt
[20:10] ---
    to confirm the virginity of
    the girl you're dating?
[20:13] Suruga
    Of course not.
[20:15] Suruga
    That would never happen.
[20:16] Suruga
    He's simply mistaken.
[20:18] Suruga
    What an insult.
[20:20] Suruga
    Disgusting...
[20:21] Suruga
    But at that time,
[20:24] ---
    anyone who attempted to save me
    would have seemed a prince,
[20:27] Suruga
    no matter what kind of person they were.
[20:30] Suruga
    I won't deny that I did feel somewhat
    positively toward that con man.
[20:35] Suruga
    He was still the first...
[20:37] Suruga
    I've discussed this before,
    so I won't dwell on it.
[20:41] Suruga
    If anyone other than you had saved me,
[20:45] Suruga
    it's possible I would've fallen
    in love with them, too.
[20:50] Suruga
    When I think about that, it infuriates me.
[20:53] Suruga
    I'm so glad you were the one who did...
[20:57] Koyomi
    Oshino would say that you just
    got saved by yourself.
[21:02] Suruga
    Possibly.
[21:03] Suruga
    Let's go home.
[21:04] Suruga
    It's getting late.
[21:06] Koyomi
    Oh, right, Senjougahara...
[21:08] Koyomi
    Before we leave, tell me
    that request you had.
[21:11] Koyomi
    What are you going to make me do?
[21:14] Suruga
    Nothing special.
[21:15] Suruga
    I didn't need that con man to tell me.
[21:17] Suruga
    It's possible that my past isn't
    worth settling things with.
[21:22] Suruga
    But I just did.
[21:28] Suruga
    That's what I think.
[21:31] Koyomi
    Settled, huh?
[21:32] Suruga
    Compliment me.
[21:33] Koyomi
    That's your request?
[21:37] Suruga
    No.
[21:38] Suruga
    A compliment from someone like you means
[21:40] ---
    absolutely nothing to me.
[21:42] Suruga
    But you seem to have forgotten
    to fulfill your obvious duty.
[21:47] Suruga
    I simply reminded you.
[21:48] Koyomi
    Really, are you made of iron or something?
[21:51] Suruga
    Iron?
[21:53] Suruga
    Of course not.
[21:54] Suruga
    I am a soft, cute girl.
[21:57] Suruga
    After everything that scum said to me,
    I am terribly hurt.
[22:02] Suruga
    I can barely stand...
[22:05] Koyomi
    Liar.
[22:06] Koyomi
    Are you a con artist, too?
[22:07] Suruga
    It's true.
[22:09] Suruga
    So...
[22:13] Suruga
    Be gentle to me tonight.
SIGN    Black Scene
[22:21] Koyomi
    The next day,
[22:23] Koyomi
    without even waiting for the
    three days Kaiki had stated,
[22:27] Koyomi
    Karen had recovered.
[22:31] Koyomi
    After that, I gave a general explanation
    to Karen and Tsukihi.
[22:35] Koyomi
    That Kaiki was gone from the city.
[22:37] Koyomi
    And thus, there would be no more victims.
[22:41] Karen
    Nii-chan, we'll be gone for a bit.
[22:44] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, we'll be gone for a while.
[22:46] Koyomi
    Where are you two yuri sisters going?
[22:48] Karen
    Even with the con man gone,
[22:50] ---
    that doesn't mean the charms
    will just disappear.
[22:52] Karen
    And the damage they did
[22:54] ---
    to people's relationships won't heal itself.
[22:56] Karen
    The fact that there are no more victims
[22:58] ---
    doesn't help the victims already there.
[23:01] Tsukihi
    So we want to start cleaning up the mess.
[23:05] Koyomi
    Don't let your game get out of hand.
[23:09] Karen
    It's not a game, Nii-chan!
[23:12] Tsukihi
    We're not good guys.
[23:13] ---
    We're goodness itself, Onii-chan.
[23:15] Tsukihi
    Bye!
[23:18] Koyomi
    My prides.
[23:19] Koyomi
    My little sisters I'm so proud of.
[23:21] Koyomi
    Fakes...
[23:23] Koyomi
    But because of that, closer than
    anything to the real thing.

[23:26] Koyomi
    The Fire Sisters ran out of the house
[23:30] Koyomi
    like a lit firecracker.

Season 1

E8 - Tsukihi Phoenix, Part One

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Koyomi
    Let's end our story by revealing
[00:04] ---
    the true identity of Araragi Tsukihi.
[00:09] Tsukihi
    You're always like that, Onii-chan.
[00:11] Tsukihi
    You treat Karen-chan and me like kids.
[00:15] Koyomi
    The story of my bratty and annoying
[00:17] ---
    littler little sister will bring these episodes
[00:19] ---
    of my beloved companions and me to a close.
[00:22] Tsukihi
    How come you don't know?
[00:25] Tsukihi
    I'm platinum mad!
[00:27] Koyomi
    Araragi Tsukihi.
[00:28] Koyomi
    One of the Fire Sisters.
[00:30] Koyomi
    The younger little sister.
[00:31] Koyomi
    The littler little sister.
[00:33] Koyomi
    Second year, in middle school.
[00:34] Koyomi
    Born in April.
[00:35] Koyomi
    Age 14.
[00:36] Koyomi
    Blood type B.
[00:36] Koyomi
    A hysteric.
[00:37] Tsukihi
    I don't want to hear that from you.
[00:40] Koyomi
    Sly.
[00:41] Tsukihi
    You can be mad at Karen-chan,
[00:43] ---
    but please don't get mad at me.
[00:45] Koyomi
    Prone to heights of emotion.
[00:46] Tsukihi
    Huh?
[00:47] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, where's that girl?
SIGN    
[00:50] Koyomi
    And immortal, too.
[00:51] Koyomi
    This is the story of just another fake.
SIGN    Episode 8: Tsukihi Phoenix, Part 1
SIGN    August 14th Monday Morning
SIGN    Sole
[02:59] Tsukihi
    Nii-chan, is there anything
    you want me to do?
[03:03] Koyomi
    No.
[03:04] Tsukihi
    There must be something, right?
[03:09] Tsukihi
    Come on, Nii-chan...
[03:11] Tsukihi
    I want to be useful to you.
[03:14] Tsukihi
    I may not look it, but I'm a
    very helpful little sister...
[03:17] Tsukihi
    A dedicated little sister...
[03:19] Tsukihi
    A little sister ready to serve you!
[03:21] Koyomi
    Nothing...
[03:22] Koyomi
    There's nothing!
[03:23] Koyomi
    There's nothing I would want my sister
    to do this early in the morning!
[03:27] Koyomi
    There's nothing I want you to do for me,
[03:30] Koyomi
    and there's nothing you can do...
[03:33] Koyomi
    As you can see, I'm trying
    to concentrate on studying.
SIGN    English Drills
[03:36] Koyomi
    I don't have time to play with
    a lower life form like you,
[03:40] Koyomi
    you single-celled organism!
[03:42] Koyomi
    If you're bored, go run through the fields.
[03:45] Koyomi
    You don't have to come back...
[03:54] Koyomi
    Um...
[03:59] Koyomi
    Araragi Karen, my sister, is wearing a skirt.
[04:14] Koyomi
    Who is this pretty girl?
[04:18] Koyomi
    Karen-chan!
[04:19] Koyomi
    If someone's bullying you, tell me!
[04:24] Koyomi
    Why didn't you talk to me
[04:26] Koyomi
    before this terrible thing happened?
[04:28] Karen
    No, nobody's bullying me.
[04:30] Karen
    If anyone is, it's you, Nii-chan.
[04:35] Karen
    I can laugh about this now.
[04:37] Karen
    But some of your thoughtless words
[04:39] ---
    almost drove me to suicide when
    I was in elementary school.
[04:44] Karen
    That was the start of my
    attempts to be a hero.
[04:48] Karen
    The hatred for evil in my heart
    is something you created.
[04:52] Koyomi
    But... But, Karen-chan...
[04:55] Koyomi
    If no one's threatening you,
[04:57] Koyomi
    there's no way you would dress like this!
[05:01] Koyomi
    Don't worry, Karen-chan.
[05:03] Koyomi
    I'll do something.
[05:05] Koyomi
    Leave it all to your big brother.
[05:08] Koyomi
    Let's start by giving me
[05:09] ---
    the addresses and cell phone numbers
    of whoever is bullying you.
[05:11] Koyomi
    And then the names of any teachers
    who let them get away with it!
[05:15] Koyomi
    I'll make them all pay!
[05:19] Karen
    Sometimes, Nii-chan,
    you're hotter than fire.
[05:23] Karen
    I'm in love.
[05:27] Koyomi
    Oh, I get it... It's cosplay.
[05:29] Karen
    Don't call a girl wearing a skirt "cosplay"!
[05:33] Karen
    Even I
[05:35] Karen
    get a little hurt.
[05:37] Karen
    That's the kind of stuff that
[05:39] ---
    made me want to kill myself
    in middle school.
[05:42] Koyomi
    So, there was a time when even
    you were delicate, huh?
[05:47] Koyomi
    If it isn't cosplay, and you aren't
    being bullied, what is it?
[05:50] Karen
    Well, I was wondering if it was cute...
[05:58] Koyomi
    Then I don't know what to say...
[06:02] Karen
    It's cute, isn't it?
[06:04] Koyomi
    S-Sure is cute...
[06:22] Koyomi
    K-Karen-chan...
[06:24] Karen
    Thank you!
[06:25] Karen
    I'm so happy you complimented me, Nii-chan!
[06:28] Karen
    I'm so happy. So happy... Yay!
[06:32] Karen
    I just feel so relaxed when I'm
    hanging on to Nii-chan...
[06:36] Karen
    It just feels so good,
    giving you a big hug like this!
[06:41] Karen
    This must be how a
    Tempur-Pedic pillow feels!
[06:44] Koyomi
    Stop it! It feels creepy.
[06:46] Koyomi
    Creepy! Creepy! Creepy!
[06:48] Koyomi
    I'm sorry.
[06:48] Koyomi
    It really, really, really feels creepy.
[06:50] Koyomi
    Get away from me!
[06:52] Koyomi
    What is this?
[06:53] Koyomi
    What did I do to you?
[06:55] Koyomi
    Karen-chan, what is the meaning of all this?
[06:58] Karen
    I don't know how to answer that...
[07:00] Karen
    I know. From now on, I've decided
[07:02] ---
    to be a good little sister, who loves her
    brother and would never disobey him.
[07:06] Koyomi
    I don't want that!
[07:08] Koyomi
    And I think that character
    would overlap with Kanbaru!
[07:12] Karen
    Kanbaru.
[07:19] Koyomi
    Um... Karen-chan.
[07:22] Koyomi
    Kanbaru is my junior by one year.
[07:25] Karen
    Yes...
[07:26] Karen
    Kanbaru Suruga.
[07:28] Koyomi
    Huh?
[07:30] Koyomi
    I didn't say her full name yet, did I?
[07:34] ---
    Karen-chan.
[07:35] Karen
    Nii-chan, I have a request!
[07:41] Karen
    Would you please introduce
[07:42] ---
    your little sister to Kanbaru-sensei?
[07:46] Koyomi
    Well, come to think of it,
[07:48] ---
    martial arts is a type of sport, isn't it?
[07:51] Koyomi
    I guess it makes perfect sense that you'd know
[07:54] ---
    a local star and national-level
    player like Kanbaru.
[07:57] Karen
    Please, Nii-chan...
[07:59] Karen
    Nay, Onii-sama.
[08:01] Koyomi
    Don't say "nay."
[08:03] Karen
    Aye, sir.
[08:04] Koyomi
    That's a good answer, but...
[08:06] Karen
    I'm so honored that you'd step on me...
[08:09] Koyomi
    And I'm seriously sick of seeing you bow.
[08:13] Koyomi
    Don't bow every time something happens.
[08:15] Koyomi
    Just so you know,
[08:16] ---
    in modern society, bowing is
    a form of violence!
[08:20] Karen
    Got it! Then I'll lick your feet.
[08:22] ---
    I'll start with the big toe,
    and work my way down!
[08:24] Koyomi
    That's why I'm telling you to stop!
[08:29] Karen
    Fine... Then I'll give you my virginity.
[08:32] Karen
    I'll give you my virginity, Nii-chan!
SIGN    Black Scene
[08:39] Koyomi
    I don't want my little sister's virginity!
[08:49] Koyomi
    I guess I should ask about this.
[08:51] Koyomi
    Karen-chan, you don't act like
    this outside, do you?
[08:54] Koyomi
    With your friends, or classmates,
[08:56] ---
    or teachers at school?
[08:58] Karen
    Of course not.
[09:00] Karen
    Everyone looks up to me.
[09:03] Koyomi
    Anyway, I'm amazed Tsukihi-chan
    loaned you those clothes.
[09:07] Koyomi
    You're gonna stretch the fabric
    if you wear them.
[09:09] Karen
    That's why I took them quietly...
[09:12] Koyomi
    She's gonna get mad at you later.
[09:14] Koyomi
    She's scarier than you are.
[09:16] Karen
    I hate to say this after you complimented me,
[09:18] ---
    but skirts don't seem to match my skin.
[09:23] Karen
    But this miniskirt works great for kicking.
[09:27] Koyomi
    By the way, Karen-chan,
[09:29] Koyomi
    how did you learn I was friends with Kanbaru?
[09:32] Karen
    Oh, the unofficial Kanbaru-sensei
    fan club, Kanbaru Tool,
[09:36] ---
    sent me a newsletter with lots
    of pictures of you in it.
SIGN    Kanbaru Tool
    
    This is the unofficial fan club,
    made by your host,
    a huge Kanbaru Suruga fan.
    It is unofficial.
    There are no dues.
    
    It's a place for comrades
    who secretly love
    Kanbaru Suruga to gather.
    
    !!No trolling!!
[09:44] Koyomi
    She didn't know you guys took
    those pictures, did she?!
[09:46] Karen
    And then my own investigations revealed
[09:49] ---
    that she looks up to you like a teacher.
[09:52] Koyomi
    Well, that's true, I guess.
[09:55] Karen
    I think this must be some
    kind of karma, Nii-chan.
[09:58] Karen
    Would you please introduce
    me to Kanbaru-sensei?
[10:02] Koyomi
    Karma, huh?
[10:08] Karen
    It may sound odd to say this,
[10:10] ---
    but I think Kanbaru-sensei and
    I would get along!
[10:15] Koyomi
    But I have no intention of introducing
    my sister to Kanbaru.
[10:19] Koyomi
    There's a reason I can't.
[10:20] Koyomi
    It's because I know her sexual proclivities,
[10:24] ---
    of which most people are unaware.
[10:29] Koyomi
    Karen-chan.
[10:31] Karen
    What is it, Nii-chan?
[10:32] Koyomi
    Give it up.
[10:38] Karen
    Now, let's talk, Nii-chan.
[10:42] Karen
    You're telling me you can't do a favor
    for your wonderful little sister?
[10:45] Karen
    Then I have my own idea.
[10:49] Koyomi
    I-If bowing doesn't get you what you want,
    you immediately resort to violence?
[10:53] Koyomi
    No way...
[10:54] Koyomi
    Seriously impossible!
[10:56] Karen
    Impossible?!
[10:57] Karen
    Then what am I supposed to do, Nii-chan?
[10:59] Karen
    Is there some way to get through
    to you, besides talking?
[11:04] Koyomi
    Then we need to have a game...
[11:08] Koyomi
    If we fight, we have a game.
[11:09] Koyomi
    That's our rule.
[11:11] Koyomi
    And just so we're clear, it won't be fair.
[11:17] Koyomi
    This is just your request.
    There's nothing in this for me.
[11:20] Koyomi
    Karen-chan, this game won't be fair.
[11:22] ---
    I'll have a huge advantage.
[11:25] Karen
    Okay, that works.
[11:28] Karen
    I guess you understand.
[11:30] Karen
    Sure, you can choose
    whatever rules you like.
[11:33] Karen
    To meet Kanbaru-sensei,
[11:36] Karen
    I'll pass any test!
[11:48] Karen
    Wait a second.
[11:49] Karen
    I'll get the tools ready.
[12:00] Karen
    Nii-chan, that was fast.
SIGN    Closed
[12:06] Karen
    Nii-chan?
[12:08] Karen
    That's my toothbrush you're holding, isn't it?
[12:14] Karen
    Y-You're not...
[12:17] Karen
    Nii-chan?
[12:19] Karen
    You're going to stick that toothbrush
[12:22] Karen
    up my butt?!
[12:27] Karen
    That's my brother...
[12:29] Karen
    Terrifying!
[12:33] Koyomi
    No, your brother isn't going to
    think up anything that terrifying.
[12:37] Koyomi
    Karen-chan,
[12:38] Koyomi
    a toothbrush is for brushing teeth.
[12:42] Karen
    Nii-chan,
[12:43] Karen
    you may be right, and a toothbrush
    may be for brushing teeth.
[12:46] ---
    But what of it?
[12:48] Karen
    You aren't going to tell me to brush
    my teeth here, are you?
[12:51] Koyomi
    No.
[12:52] Koyomi
    No, I'm not.
[12:53] Koyomi
    I won't have you brush them.
[12:55] Koyomi
    I'm going to brush them.
[12:59] Koyomi
    And I'm not going to brush my teeth.
[13:03] Koyomi
    I'm going to brush your teeth.
[13:06] Karen
    Um, I don't understand.
[13:08] Karen
    You're going to brush my teeth?
[13:11] Karen
    How is that a game?
[13:16] Koyomi
    You and Tsukihi-chan get your hair cut
    at a beauty parlor, right?
[13:19] Koyomi
    But I don't really like those.
[13:23] Koyomi
    I get nervous when someone I don't know
[13:25] ---
    touches my head.
[13:27] Karen
    Yeah, I only want the stylists
    I know cutting mine.
[13:32] Koyomi
    Psychologically, you have to be fairly close
[13:35] ---
    to someone before you'd allow
    them to touch your hair.
[13:38] Koyomi
    I've heard that some girls are more against
[13:41] ---
    having their hair touched than their bodies
[13:45] Karen
    What of it?
[13:46] Koyomi
    It's called "touching."
[13:48] Koyomi
    The most obvious example is hair-cutting.
[13:51] Koyomi
    Another example is tooth-brushing.
[13:55] Koyomi
    A moment ago, you didn't
    think it was a big deal.
[13:58] ---
    But usually, having someone else brush
    your teeth is out of the question.
[14:02] Koyomi
    Normally, you can do it yourself,
    and normally, you do.
[14:07] Koyomi
    In other words, Karen-chan,
[14:09] ---
    having someone else brush your teeth
[14:11] ---
    generates major psychological resistance.
[14:15] Koyomi
    If you can withstand
[14:17] ---
    that psychological resistance for
    five minutes, you win.
[14:21] Koyomi
    If you do, I'll introduce you to Kanbaru.
[14:24] Koyomi
    If you cry uncle before the
    five minutes are up, I win.
[14:27] Koyomi
    And I won't introduce you...
[14:32] Karen
    Is that all?
[14:33] Karen
    You made such a big deal out of it,
[14:36] ---
    even I was starting to get a little scared.
[14:38] Karen
    I'm a bit disappointed.
[14:40] Koyomi
    Are you?
[14:41] Karen
    Sure! It sounds great to me.
[14:44] Karen
    I mean, I wouldn't want a
    total stranger doing it,
[14:48] ---
    but you'll be doing it. Right, Nii-chan?
[14:50] Karen
    Then I'll be fine.
[14:53] Karen
    I'll clarify this.
[14:54] ---
    No matter what you do to me,
    I won't be embarrassed.
[14:59] Koyomi
    If I give up before time expires, you win.
[15:03] Karen
    For an introduction to the
    great Kanbaru-sensei,
[15:06] ---
    I think this is a bit too easy.
[15:09] Karen
    Actually, I'd hoped for something
    more challenging.
[15:14] Koyomi
    Okay, then we can start, right?
[15:17] Koyomi
    Sit down there.
[15:18] Karen
    Okay!
[15:27] Koyomi
    Ahhh.
[15:29] Karen
    Ahhh.
[15:32] Koyomi
    Now, feel the terror
[15:35] ---
    of the great Kanbaru-sensei for yourself.
[15:38] Koyomi
    Kanbaru-sensei's fetishistic ideas
    will lead to your defeat.

[15:41] Koyomi
    You must be overjoyed.
[15:56] Koyomi
    Did you just now understand?
[15:58] Koyomi
    But it isn't too late, Karen-chan.
[16:01] Koyomi
    I'm not messing with the
    exterior of your body.

[16:04] ---
    I'm messing with the interior.
[16:06] Koyomi
    To simplify this,
[16:08] ---
    it brings you pleasure.
[16:10] Koyomi
    Thin hairs are stimulating
[16:12] ---
    the delicate parts of your body,
[16:15] Koyomi
    so it must feel good.
[16:39] Koyomi
    Not bad...
[16:41] Koyomi
    It makes me want to try harder.
[16:47] Koyomi
    If you give up now, Karen-chan,
    you'll feel good.
[16:51] Koyomi
    Or rather, you'll stop feeling good!
[17:04] Koyomi
    Oh, no...
[17:05] Koyomi
    Hearing her moan makes
    me feel really weird...

[17:10] Koyomi
    It makes my heart race!
SIGN    3 minutes 24 seconds
SIGN    Tsukihi Phoenix Chapter
[17:31] Koyomi
    She really is cute...
[17:35] Koyomi
    This is seriously bad.
[17:36] Koyomi
    Was Karen always this cute?
[17:39] Koyomi
    Huh? Huh? Huh?
[17:40] Koyomi
    This is just a possibility,
[17:42] ---
    but could my sister be the
    cutest girl in the world?

[17:44] Koyomi
    I've always thought Hanekawa Tsubasa
    was the ideal woman,

[17:49] Koyomi
    but could I have been mistaken?
[17:53] Koyomi
    Even if she isn't better than Hanekawa,
[17:55] ---
    she could still give her a
    good run for her money.

[17:58] Koyomi
    No, no, no... Wait!
[17:59] Koyomi
    What am I saying?
[18:01] Koyomi
    No human could match Hanekawa.
[18:04] Koyomi
    This is a hallucination!
[18:06] Koyomi
    This special situation is
    weakening me. That's all!

[18:09] Koyomi
    I know that! I know that!
[18:12] Koyomi
    B-But...
[18:27] Koyomi
    K-Karen-chan...
[18:39] Koyomi
    Karen-chan...
[18:40] Koyomi
    Karen-chan...
[18:41] Koyomi
    Karen-chan...
[18:44] Karen
    Nii-chan...
[18:52] Karen
    Nii-chan...
[18:54] Karen
    It's okay.
[19:16] Tsukihi
    What are you doing?
[19:23] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, Karen-chan, please tell me
    what, exactly, is going on here?
[19:27] Koyomi
    W-Wait, Tsukihi-chan!
[19:29] Koyomi
    It's not what you think!
[19:30] Tsukihi
    Why is my brother happily pushing Karen-chan
[19:34] ---
    into the bed, while brushing her teeth?
[19:38] Tsukihi
    Why is Karen-chan wearing my clothes and
[19:42] ---
    happily smiling, while being pushed
    into the bed by my brother?
[19:47] Koyomi
    Why am I pushing my little sister into
[19:49] ---
    the bed with a smile,
    while brushing her teeth?!
[19:53] Karen
    Why am I wearing my little sister's clothes,
[19:55] ---
    smiling, as my big brother
    pushes me into the bed?!
[19:59] Karen
    What a surprise!
[20:01] Karen
    Y-You saved us, Tsukihi-chan!
[20:03] Karen
    Thank you!
[20:14] Tsukihi
    Would the judge be merciful?
[20:16] Tsukihi
    Would there be room for
    extenuating circumstances?

[20:19] Tsukihi
    Let there at least be a stay of execution,
[20:22] ---
    Karen-chan and I hoped.
[20:24] Tsukihi
    Would you two stay like that,
    just for a moment?
[20:28] Tsukihi
    I'm running to the convenience
    store to buy an awl.
[20:31] Koyomi
    There would not be.
[20:33] Koyomi
    We were given the death penalty.
[20:37] Karen
    Tsukihi-chan, I don't think they sell
    awls at the convenience store.
[20:41] Karen
    You'd have to go to a specialty goods store!
[20:47] Karen
    Nii-chan, you're heavy.
[20:49] Koyomi
    Oh, sorry.
SIGN    Closed
[21:04] Karen
    So, Nii-chan, about our game...
[21:08] Karen
    It's way past five minutes.
[21:11] Koyomi
    Crap...
[21:14] Koyomi
    Fine... A promise is a promise.
[21:18] Koyomi
    Okay, Karen-chan.
[21:20] Koyomi
    I'll introduce you to Kanbaru.
[21:23] Koyomi
    You did well, Karen-chan.
[21:26] Koyomi
    You win.
[21:27] Koyomi
    I lose today.
[21:30] Koyomi
    I'll accept it.
[21:36] Karen
    N-Nii-chan?
[21:38] Koyomi
    What?
[21:39] Karen
    I-If you really insist,
    and only because you insist,
[21:44] ---
    we can go best out of three.
[21:47] Karen
    You know, Tsukihi-chan interrupted midway.
[21:51] Karen
    That normally means it's a tie.
[21:54] Karen
    A-And there's still time before
    Tsukihi-chan gets back...
[21:59] Karen
    We can go into extra innings if you want.
[22:03] ---
    Uh...
[22:06] Koyomi
    O-Okay, maybe I will...
[22:10] Karen
    Y-Yeah.
[22:12] Karen
    Now that you've said that,
    I can't turn you down.
[22:16] Karen
    I accept... I accept your challenge!
[22:20] Koyomi
    Th-This time, you want to do me?
[22:24] Karen
    Y-Yeah, th-that's fairer.
[22:30] Koyomi
    And so, starting that morning,
    Karen and I

[22:34] ---
    began to get along a little better.

Season 1

E9 - Tsukihi Phoenix, Part Two

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Koyomi
    I decided it would be best
[00:03] ---
    if I kept my promise as soon as I could.
[00:06] Koyomi
    And after barely escaping Tsukihi's awls,
[00:09] Koyomi
    I called Kanbaru's phone.
SIGN    Kanbaru Suruga
[00:14] Suruga
    Araragi-sempai, I'd really prefer that you not.
[00:17] Suruga
    It's true that I said I wanted to meet your sister,
[00:21] Suruga
    but that was a joke.
[00:23] Suruga
    Temporary Shutdown
[00:25] Suruga
    I wasn't serious.
[00:28] Suruga
    No, well...
[00:29] Suruga
    Araragi-sempai,
[00:30] Suruga
    I mean, I'm really grateful for your kindness.
[00:34] Suruga
    But I can't take your little sister's virginity!
SIGN    charge forward
[00:39] Koyomi
    I'm not giving it to you!
[00:40] Koyomi
    I'd rather take it myself than give it to you!
[00:42] Suruga
    The thought's enough for me.
[00:44] Koyomi
    Don't take the thought, either...
[00:45] Koyomi
    You can't have anything of my sister's!
[00:49] Koyomi
    And so, with some difficulty,
[00:52] Koyomi
    I promised to bring Karen to her this afternoon.
[00:57] Suruga
    Okay, I'll get dressed and wait for you.
[01:01] Koyomi
    Why are you usually naked?
SIGN    Episode 9: Tsukihi Phoenix, Part 2
[02:39] Karen
    Nii-chan, Nii-chan...
[02:40] Karen
    Do you know how to win every time
    at rock-paper-scissors?
[02:53] Karen
    Just knowing how will change
[02:56] Karen
    your rock-paper-scissors life forever.
[02:59] Karen
    Normally, I'd just keep it to myself...
[03:02] Karen
    But thanks to you, this is a great day.
[03:04] Karen
    So I'll tell you specially.
[03:08] Karen
    I haven't even told Tsukihi-chan!
[03:13] Koyomi
    Fine, fine.
[03:15] Koyomi
    I'll listen to it.
[03:16] Koyomi
    Your kind, wonderful
    Koyomi-oniichan will listen to you.
[03:20] Karen
    Okay!
[03:21] Karen
    If you're that insistent, I'll tell you.
[03:24] Karen
    Let's try it.
[03:25] Karen
    But you know,
[03:27] Karen
    just learning it normally won't motivate you...
[03:31] Karen
    We should bet something.
[03:32] Koyomi
    Don't bother.
[03:33] Koyomi
    It's a pain.
[03:34] Karen
    No, we have to...
[03:36] Karen
    Or there's a possibility that later,
    you'll say, "I deliberately lost!"
[03:42] Koyomi
    I think deliberately losing at rock-paper-scissors
    is just as hard as always winning.
[03:46] Karen
    Okay, let's do this, Niii-chan.
[03:49] Karen
    An athletic punishment game.
[03:50] Karen
    The loser has to carry the winner
    the rest of the way.
[03:54] Koyomi
    Carry?
[03:55] Karen
    On their back!
SIGN    Carriers Get Priority
[03:56] Karen
    Carry them all the way there.
[03:59] Koyomi
    Whatever.
[04:00] Koyomi
    If I lose, I just have to go back on it.
[04:03] Koyomi
    Okay, I get it.
[04:04] Koyomi
    That's fine.
[04:06] Karen
    You agreed more easily than I expected.
[04:08] Koyomi
    I'm not planning anything.
[04:10] Koyomi
    Trust your brother.
[04:13] Koyomi
    He'd never break his word...
[04:18] Karen
    That's right...
[04:20] Karen
    You're my pride!
[04:21] Koyomi
    I've probably broken thousands
    of promises to her.

[04:24] Koyomi
    Why would she trust me this much?
[04:26] Koyomi
    Let's go... Rock, paper—
[04:28] Karen
    Wait, wait, wait!
[04:30] Karen
    That's not how you do it.
[04:33] Karen
    You have to say the words yourself.
[04:35] Karen
    That's the first stage of the trick.
[04:38] Koyomi
    The first stage?
[04:39] Koyomi
    That's a lot of work to go through
    for rock-paper-scissors.
[04:42] Koyomi
    How many stages are there?
[04:44] Karen
    Two!
SIGN    Mind the Step
[04:45] Koyomi
    Simple!
[04:46] Koyomi
    So what, you gain an advantage
    by saying it yourself?
[04:50] Koyomi
    Sounds kind of spiritual...
[04:53] Koyomi
    Not that it matters.
[04:55] Koyomi
    Then you say it.
[04:56] Karen
    Okay!
[04:57] Karen
    Here I go...
[04:59] Karen
    Rock!
[05:03] Karen
    Paper!
[05:10] Karen
    Do you get it?
[05:11] Karen
    Do you get it, Nii-chan?
[05:13] Karen
    You say rock, then paper,
    and then you put out your hand.
[05:17] Karen
    Thus, you can make your opponent,
[05:19] ---
    who was waiting for the "scissors," go late.
[05:21] Karen
    The ultimate technique,
[05:23] ---
    using the game's very name to
    cause your opponent to go late.
[05:26] Karen
    In other words, whether you throw
    rock, paper, or scissors,
[05:29] ---
    since you've put your fist out too late,
[05:31] ---
    I automatically win.
[05:34] Karen
    Now, Nii-chan, you're going to carry me!
SIGN    Black scene
[05:40] Koyomi
    That's cheating.
[05:41] Koyomi
    What kind of idiot would
    admit defeat over that?!
[05:45] Karen
    And I just thought of it, too.
[05:47] Koyomi
    You just thought of it?
[05:49] Koyomi
    Karen-chan, you lost because you cheated.
[05:51] Koyomi
    Carrying me on your back isn't good enough.
[05:53] Koyomi
    You have to carry me on your shoulders.
[05:55] Karen
    Oh, fine...
[05:59] Karen
    Okay, Nii-chan.
[06:00] Karen
    Get on my shoulders.
[06:04] Koyomi
    Um, well...
[06:06] Koyomi
    Let's not, Karen-chan.
[06:07] Koyomi
    I've been studying too much.
    I've gained weight.
[06:10] Karen
    How much do you weigh?
[06:11] Koyomi
    Um, 56 kilograms.
[06:14] Karen
    Then I'll be fine.
[06:16] Karen
    Anything less than 180 kilos
    is nothing to me.
[06:19] Karen
    30 kg on the Moon
[06:19] Koyomi
    Do you live on the moon?!
[06:21] Koyomi
    P-Putting that aside,
[06:24] Koyomi
    it's one thing if you're carrying
    me on your back.
[06:27] ---
    But on your shoulders, your ponytail
    is in the way.
[06:28] Karen
    Oh, my ponytail...
[06:31] Karen
    That's right.
[06:32] Koyomi
    Right?
[06:33] Karen
    You're right!
[06:35] Karen
    That's my brother.
[06:37] Karen
    You're always right!
[06:40] Koyomi
    A key?
[06:41] Koyomi
    Why are you taking out a key now?
[06:44] Karen
    Don't you use the ridges of a key when you
[06:47] ---
    cut vinyl tape or tags on your clothes?
[07:00] Karen
    It's a lot lighter!
[07:04] Karen
    Oh, perfect. There's a trash can.
[07:09] Karen
    Right! Now I can carry you
    on my shoulders.
[07:12] Koyomi
    You've had that ponytail since
    elementary school!
[07:15] Koyomi
    Don't you have any attachment to it?!
[07:17] Karen
    It's long, and hard to take care of,
[07:19] Karen
    and a pain when I'm trying to sleep.
[07:21] ---
    And when I get up, it's a mess.
[07:22] Karen
    I've always hated it.
[07:24] Koyomi
    You kept it anyway?
[07:25] Karen
    Okay, Nii-chan, let me carry you.
[07:27] Karen
    Let me carry you... Let me carry you!
[07:32] Koyomi
    Why is she so excited?
[07:33] Koyomi
    Why is she so excited, when she's
    the one doing the carrying?

[07:36] Koyomi
    My sister is totally a masochist!
[07:38] Koyomi
    This is all just a punishment game for me.
[07:42] Koyomi
    Um...
[07:49] Karen
    I'm standing up now.
[07:55] Koyomi
    Scared! Scared! Scared! Scared!
[07:57] Koyomi
    It's too high and very scary!
[07:58] ---
    Neo-Tokyo 3
[07:59] Koyomi
    Let me down. Let me down.
[07:59] Koyomi
    Let me down now!
[08:00] Koyomi
    I'm sorry! Please let me down, Karen-san!
[08:02] Koyomi
    No, Karen-sama!
[08:08] Karen
    Nii-chan, got a sec?
[08:10] Koyomi
    What?
[08:12] Karen
    Your crotch is pressing into the back of
    my head, and it doesn't feel good.
[08:16] Karen
    Well, Nii-chan?
[08:18] Karen
    Don't you think we should
    cut off your crotch,
[08:20] ---
    like I cut off my ponytail, to be fair?
SIGN    Koyomi
[08:23] Koyomi
    Too scary!
[08:25] Koyomi
    Your hair might grow back,
[08:26] Koyomi
    but if you cut me off down there, it's over
[08:29] ---
    in a lot of ways for a lot of things!
[08:31] Karen
    I see.
[08:32] Karen
    Still, Nii-chan, the weight isn't a problem.
[08:34] ---
    But if you move too much, it throws
    me off balance. Can you stay put?
[08:37] Koyomi
    Don't be crazy...
[08:39] Koyomi
    I'm not like you.
[08:40] Koyomi
    I can't keep my balance with my
    head as high as a giraffe's.
[08:43] Karen
    Oh, fine.
[08:44] Karen
    It might take a little effort, Nii-chan,
[08:47] ---
    but put your weight forward.
[08:49] Karen
    Put your head out, in front of my shoulders.
SIGN    Right / Wrong / Shut the hell up.
[08:52] Karen
    Then hook your legs under my arms.
[08:55] Karen
    I'll lock them like the bar at an amusement park.
[08:58] Koyomi
    Like this?
[09:00] Karen
    All right!
[09:05] Karen
    Okay, now we're fine.
[09:09] Koyomi
    No, I'm not very fine.
[09:13] Koyomi
    I can't move a finger.
[09:15] Koyomi
    And my legs are going numb...
[09:17] Koyomi
    Hey, Karen-sama,
[09:17] Koyomi
    you don't think you've cut off
    the circulation, do you?
[09:21] Karen
    But it's easier for me.
[09:23] Karen
    Your calves were pressing into
    my breasts, and it felt weird.
[09:28] Karen
    And your crotch was pressing into my head,
[09:30] ---
    and I was stuck between your legs.
[09:34] Karen
    Nii-chan, is giving someone a ride on
    your shoulders always this erotic?
[09:38] Koyomi
    No, normally the guy carries the girl.
[09:42] Karen
    Then let's go, Nii-chan.
[09:53] Girl
    You... Devil boy...
[10:03] Girl
    I'd like to ask you something.
[10:05] Girl
    Is that all right?
[10:08] Girl
    Well... I'm looking for a place
    called Eikou Cram School.
[10:12] Girl
    Do you know where it is?
[10:15] Koyomi
    Well...
[10:17] Girl
    What is it, devil boy?
[10:24] Girl
    When you were little,
[10:28] Girl
    didn't they teach you to help others?
[10:31] Girl
    Um...
[10:32] Girl
    How would an objective third
    party view this situation?

[10:36] Girl
    Which of us is weirder?
    The one atop the mailbox,

[10:38] ---
    or the one atop his little sister?
[10:40] Girl
    I think she has the upper hand.
[10:44] Girl
    I can understand why she's
    calling me a devil boy.

[10:47] Girl
    My name is Kagenui Yodzuru.
[10:50] Girl
    Do you know me?
SIGN    Gaze
[10:57] Girl
    My name is Araragi Koyomi.
[10:59] Girl
    I'm Araragi Karen.
[11:04] Yozuru
    A devilish brother and a hornet sister.
[11:07] Yozuru
    Interesting.
SIGN    Black scene
[11:10] Koyomi
    Did she just say "hornet"?
[11:14] Yozuru
    Looks like that's over, so it doesn't matter.
[11:19] Yozuru
    So, well?
[11:21] ---
    I'll repeat my question.
[11:23] ---
    Do you know where Eikou Cram School is?
[11:27] Koyomi
    Let's see...
[11:29] ---
    Hold on a second.
[11:31] Koyomi
    A friend of mine
[11:32] ---
    has the rather terrifying talent
    of having memorized
[11:34] ---
    locations for every cram school in Japan.
[11:37] Koyomi
    Okay, I'll do it...
[11:38] Koyomi
    I'll call Hanekawa-san!
[11:39] Koyomi
    Yay!
SIGN    Hanekawa Tsubasa
[11:42] Hanekawa
    Here I am.
[11:44] Hanekawa
    This is Hanekawa.
[11:46] Hanekawa
    Araragi-kun, are you studying?
[11:49] Hanekawa
    Are you slacking off?
[11:52] Hanekawa
    That's good to hear.
[11:54] Hanekawa
    Me? Yeah, it's fine.
[11:56] Hanekawa
    I was just doing some afternoon studying.
SIGN    Red Scene
[12:00] Hanekawa
    Eikou Cram School?
[12:02] Hanekawa
    Yeah, I know it.
SIGN    She really knew it.
[12:04] Koyomi
    You know everything.
[12:06] Hanekawa
    I don't know everything.
[12:08] Hanekawa
    I just know what I know.
[12:09] Hanekawa
    Anyway, you should know
    Eikou Cram School yourself.
[12:15] ---
    Because it's...
[12:17] Hanekawa
    It's the abandoned building where
    Oshino-san and Shinobu-chan lived.
[12:21] Hanekawa
    The cram school in that building
    was Eikou Cram School.
[12:24] Koyomi
    
[12:25] Koyomi
    Eikou Cram School, huh?
[12:26] Koyomi
    I didn't know it had such a
    smart-sounding name.
[12:31] Hanekawa
    It's nothing worth thanking me for...
[12:34] Hanekawa
    Bye, Araragi-kun.
SIGN    Black Scene
[12:36] Hanekawa
    Say hi to Kanbaru-san for me.
[12:39] Hanekawa
    Bye-bye!
[12:43] Koyomi
    I didn't say anything about going
    to see Kanbaru...

[12:47] Koyomi
    I was just asking her about a cram school.
[12:49] Koyomi
    How much of my private life does she know?
[12:51] Koyomi
    That's too steep a price!
[12:53] Yozuru
    You figure it out?
[12:54] Yozuru
    Devil boy.
[12:56] Koyomi
    Yes, well...
SIGN    Explaining
[13:00] Yozuru
    I see.
[13:02] Yozuru
    So there's where it is.
[13:03] Koyomi
    But Kagenui-san, it's gone out of business.
[13:07] Koyomi
    Why are you going there?
[13:12] Yozuru
    Nothing special, I suppose...
[13:15] Yozuru
    First, to establish a base of operations.
[13:20] Yozuru
    Goodbye then, devil boy.
[13:26] Yozuru
    Oh, right...
[13:27] Yozuru
    You might get asked the same sort of thing
[13:30] ---
    by a girl about this high.
[13:34] Yozuru
    Be as kind to her as you were to me.
[13:49] Yozuru
    What?
[13:50] Yozuru
    You've been really quiet, Karen-chan.
[13:57] Yozuru
    What's wrong?
[13:58] Yozuru
    Don't make me deal with a
    strange human like that alone!
[14:01] Karen
    Oh, sorry.
[14:03] Karen
    I was just thinking she was really strong.
[14:07] Karen
    So I was readying myself.
[14:08] Koyomi
    Strong?
[14:10] Koyomi
    Really?
[14:11] Koyomi
    She didn't look it.
[14:13] Koyomi
    Except for the way she acted and spoke,
[14:15] Koyomi
    she seemed like just an ordinary pretty woman.
[14:19] Karen
    Her center of gravity stayed constant,
[14:22] ---
    the entire time she was chatting with you.
[14:24] Karen
    She had the balance of a figure skater.
[14:27] Koyomi
    But you also walk along the
    tops of walls, right?
[14:31] Koyomi
    And while handstanding.
[14:33] Karen
    Yeah, that's true...
[14:36] Karen
    But she's spent a lot of time training.
[14:38] Karen
    Her fists were perfectly shaped
    for punching people.
[14:42] Koyomi
    W-Were they?
[14:44] Karen
    Yeah. If she hit a car's bumper,
    she could set off the airbags.
SIGN    Goodbye SRS
[14:50] Karen
    She's probably as good as my teacher...
[14:54] Karen
    I couldn't beat her myself.
[14:56] Koyomi
    My, Karen-san...
[14:58] Koyomi
    You're sounding pretty wimpy.
SIGN    Black Scene
[14:59] Karen
    I can tell any difference in strength,
[15:02] Karen
    so long as my opponent isn't evil.
[15:04] Koyomi
    I see.
[15:06] Karen
    But I don't know for sure that she isn't.
[15:17] Koyomi
    After that, I took Karen to
    Kanbaru's front gate,

[15:21] ---
    and introduced them to each other.
[15:25] Koyomi
    This is Kanbaru Suruga-san,
    a second-year at Naoetsu High.
[15:28] Koyomi
    She's a pervert, so be careful.
[15:30] Koyomi
    This is Araragi Karen-san, a third-year
    at Tsuganoki 2nd Middle School.
[15:34] Koyomi
    She's an idiot, so be careful.
[15:38] Koyomi
    Don't both blush at the same time...
[15:40] Koyomi
    Those weren't compliments!
SIGN    Sister Brother
[15:42] Koyomi
    After seeing my sister to Kanbaru's,
[15:44] Koyomi
    I started home without any handstanding
    or riding on someone's shoulders,

SIGN    Hachikuji Mayoi
    5-3
[15:48] ---
    when I found Hachikuji.
[15:56] Koyomi
    Jeez...
[15:58] Koyomi
    I'm certain you all expect me to leap
    on Hachikuji, in a burst of joy...

[16:03] Koyomi
    You all expect me to grab a girl,
[16:07] ---
    innocent as a newborn fawn, from behind
[16:10] ---
    and start rubbing my face against her.
[16:14] Koyomi
    No, I admit it.
[16:15] Koyomi
    There was a time when I would have.
[16:17] Koyomi
    There was.
[16:18] Koyomi
    But I'm an adult now.
[16:20] Koyomi
    I've no interest in the little girl
    called Hachikuji Mayoi.

[16:25] Koyomi
    But I suppose, given that
    I have no interest in her,

[16:29] Koyomi
    I've no particular reason to ignore her...
[16:33] Koyomi
    If I ignore her, she may get the impudent
[16:37] ---
    and brazen idea that I'm
    deliberately ignoring her.

[16:40] Koyomi
    In light of this, and only in
    light of this, mind you,

[16:42] Koyomi
    it may mean that the smartest option
    would be to call out and greet her,

[16:46] ---
    to prove how disinterested
    I am in Hachikuji.

[16:51] Koyomi
    Okay, then...
[16:51] Koyomi
    With that conclusion reached,
    it's time to get started.

[16:55] Koyomi
    I'm not hesitant in the least.
[16:57] Koyomi
    I have to go home and study,
    or Hanekawa will get mad at me.

[17:01] Koyomi
    But I'll spare a single minute for Hachikuji.
[17:06] Koyomi
    Now...
[17:07] Koyomi
    Now it's time to grab her
    as hard as I can...

[17:10] Koyomi
    To rub my cheek against her...
[17:11] Koyomi
    To touch and rub her...
[17:12] Koyomi
    To love her as much as I can...
[17:13] Koyomi
    Today, I shall embrace Hachikuji!
[17:18] Koyomi
    Hachikuji!
[17:29] Hachikuji
    Araragi-san!
[17:34] Koyomi
    Shinobu, was that you?!
[17:36] Koyomi
    Damn! Damn you, damn you, damn you!
[17:38] Koyomi
    What were you doing? What?!
[17:39] Koyomi
    You screwed it up!
[17:40] Koyomi
    You screwed up the biggest event of my life!
[17:42] Koyomi
    No more blood for you,
    you golden-eyed blondie...
[17:45] Koyomi
    I should've abandoned you!
[17:47] Hachikuji
    U-Um...
[17:48] Hachikuji
    Um, Kikirara-san?
[17:51] Koyomi
    Hachikuji,
[17:52] Koyomi
    don't confuse my name with that of
    the little twin sisters of fancy goods.
[17:55] Koyomi
    My name is Araragi.
[17:57] Koyomi
    And when I flew past you,
[18:01] Koyomi
    you got it right.
[18:03] Hachikuji
    Sorry. I bit my tongue.
[18:05] Koyomi
    No, you did it deliberately.
[18:07] Karen
    I smiled!
[18:09] Koyomi
    Too cute!
[18:13] Karen
    You're as bad at ad-libbing as ever...
SIGN    No Cars
SIGN    Off-Limits
    Detour
[18:19] Karen
    Anyway, Araragi-san, you must
    have lots of free time
[18:21] ---
    on your hands to be wandering
    the city at this hour.
[18:25] Karen
    Have you given up on studying?
[18:27] Karen
    Wandering?
[18:28] Hachikuji
    Have you given up on pretending to study
    to make Hanekawa-san like you?
[18:32] Koyomi
    That's really mean!
SIGN    Failure as a Person
[18:35] Hachikuji
    Well, she's not the type
    you could fool forever.
[18:40] ---
    Let me guess.
[18:41] ---
    She realized you were pretending to study
    so you could see her in her camisole.
[18:45] ---
    Since half your motivation
    comes from her boobs.
[18:50] Koyomi
    What kind of person do you see me as?
[18:52] Hachikuji
    The rest of it is from my hot, curvy body!
[18:56] Koyomi
    Where is your body hot and curvy?
[19:00] Koyomi
    Your body's more barrel-shaped...
[19:02] ---
    You could make some delicious
    beef stew out of it.
SIGN    Failure as a Person
[19:06] Koyomi
    I do like you, but I don't like flat lolis.
SIGN    Danger
[19:11] Koyomi
    I only talk to you because you have
    big boobs, for an elementary schooler.
[19:16] Koyomi
    I'm taking a chance on the future of your
[19:19] ---
    presently underwhelming bust.
SIGN    Failure as a Person
[19:22] Hachikuji
    No human being would ever say that.
[19:24] Koyomi
    But anyway, Hachikuji...
[19:27] Koyomi
    I'm dating Senjougahara,
    and I love Hanekawa.
[19:31] Koyomi
    But I plan to marry you.
[19:36] Hachikuji
    Please don't be the first person
    to propose to me!
SIGN    Danger Zone
[19:41] Hachikuji
    Actually, don't propose to
    elementary schoolers.
[19:43] Koyomi
    Hmm... No luck, huh?
[19:46] Koyomi
    How can I get the overwhelming passion
[19:48] ---
    in my chest to reach Hachikuji's heart?
SIGN    Danger Zone
[19:51] Koyomi
    Touch it directly, maybe?
[19:55] Koyomi
    Will fondling them make her understand?
SIGN    Black Scene
[19:57] Hachikuji
    Oh, my.
SIGN    Danger Zone
[19:58] Hachikuji
    I sense the presence of something bad.
[20:00] Koyomi
    Be careful, Hachikuji.
[20:02] Koyomi
    I'm always after your breasts.
[20:04] Koyomi
    Given the slightest opportunity, I'd drop
    whatever I'm doing, to touch them.
SIGN    Karabuki
[20:07] Koyomi
    By the way, Karabuki-san.
[20:09] Koyomi
    It's true that I plan to clean
    Kanbaru's room tomorrow,
[20:12] Koyomi
    but that doesn't make me a cleaning
    maniac who loves to clean.
[20:16] Koyomi
    Don't call me by a name that sounds like
    I clean with a dried karabuki cloth...
[20:19] Koyomi
    My name is Araragi!
[20:20] Hachikuji
    Sorry. I bit my tongue.
[20:22] Koyomi
    No, you did it deliberately.
SIGN    Failure as a Person
[20:25] Hachikuji
    I bit you.
[20:27] Hachikuji
    A love-bite?!
[20:29] Hachikuji
    Yes!
[20:30] Hachikuji
    This time, I ad-libbed a response...
[20:31] Hachikuji
    I can do it!
[20:34] Yotsugi
    Hey, devil boy.
SIGN    No entry.
[20:36] Yotsugi
    If you know, please tell me
[20:38] Yotsugi
    which way I want to go...
[20:40] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
SIGN    No Entry
SIGN    Danger Zone
[20:46] Yotsugi
    I'm told there's a cram school
[20:48] ---
    that went out of business
    called Eikou Cram School.
[20:52] Yotsugi
    Do you know where it is, devil boy?
[20:58] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
[21:02] Yotsugi
    My name is Ononoki Yotsugi.
[21:06] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
[21:09] Koyomi
    That's a stupid phrase.
[21:11] Koyomi
    And where the hell is your posed look?
SIGN    Danger Zone
[21:14] Koyomi
    I see. I'm Araragi Koyomi.
[21:17] Yotsugi
    Hello, devil boy.
[21:19] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
[21:21] Koyomi
    Hi...
[21:23] Koyomi
    Um, Eikou Cram School is...
SIGN    Construction Sorry for the Trouble
SIGN    Turn Right
[21:29] Koyomi
    All right. Thank you.
[21:31] Koyomi
    You were a big help, devil boy.
[21:33] Koyomi
    And snail girl.
[21:35] Koyomi
    I said, with a posed look.
SIGN    Danger Zone
SIGN    Danger Zone
[21:52] Koyomi
    Huh?
SIGN    Danger Zone
[21:53] Koyomi
    Did she just call you "snail girl"?
[21:59] Hachikuji
    Yeah, she did.
[22:00] ---
    Huh?
[22:01] Koyomi
    Isn't that strange?
[22:03] Koyomi
    Come to think of it, Kagenui-san...
[22:05] Koyomi
    Kagenui Yodzuru...
[22:06] Koyomi
    She didn't just call me a devil boy.
[22:09] Koyomi
    She said something about Karen.
[22:13] Yozuru
    A devilish brother and a hornet sister.
[22:17] Yozuru
    Interesting.
SIGN    Devil Devil Boy
[22:18] Yozuru
    Devil...
[22:22] Yozuru
    Devils who suck blood...
SIGN    Vampires
[22:25] Yozuru
    Vampires.
[22:27] Hachikuji
    Anyway, Araragi-san, from what I saw,
    she looked pretty capable.
[22:32] Hachikuji
    You'd have to be as good as my
    master to be a match for her.
SIGN    White Scene To be continued
[22:36] Koyomi
    You don't have a master.

Season 1

E10 - Tsukihi Phoenix, Part Three

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Red Scene
[00:04] Shinobu
    Master,
[00:05] Shinobu
    I have something important to discuss with you.
[00:08] Shinobu
    Well?
[00:09] Shinobu
    Do you have a moment to talk?
[00:11] Koyomi
    It can't be later?
[00:13] Koyomi
    Can't it wait until I'm done studying?
[00:15] Shinobu
    It's actually a rather serious situation,
[00:18] Shinobu
    one requiring drastic action.
[00:20] Koyomi
    What is it?
[00:23] Koyomi
    Very well...
[00:24] Koyomi
    I'll listen.
[00:26] Shinobu
    Master,
[00:28] Shinobu
    according to secret information I've acquired,
[00:32] Shinobu
    Mister Donuts is having
SIGN    100-Yen Donut Sale
[00:35] ---
    a sale where any donut costs 100 yen!
[00:39] Shinobu
    If we don't leave immediately, they'll sell out...
[00:43] Koyomi
    Fine, fine.
[00:45] Koyomi
    I'll go to buy you some before dinner,
[00:46] ---
    so I can get out of the house.
[00:48] Koyomi
    You like golden chocolate, right?
[00:50] Shinobu
    No.
[00:51] Shinobu
    Take me there.
[00:53] Shinobu
    I want to choose for myself!
[00:56] Koyomi
    It's really sunny out.
[00:57] Koyomi
    Will you be okay?
[00:59] Shinobu
    I'll just get a nasty sunburn.
[01:01] Shinobu
    I'm not really a normal vampire anymore.
[01:05] Shinobu
    I won't even need sunscreen,
[01:07] Shinobu
    just a hat should suffice.
[01:10] Koyomi
    No, I'll let you know when we're at the store.
[01:13] Koyomi
    Until then, stay in my shadow.
[01:15] Koyomi
    You'd prefer to minimize your
    time in the sun, right?
[01:19] Shinobu
    Yes. The sun is my enemy.
[01:22] Koyomi
    It'll only take thirty minutes or so.
[01:23] Koyomi
    Be sure you stay awake.
[01:25] Shinobu
    See you soon, then.
[01:26] Shinobu
    Bye.
SIGN    Episode 10: Tsukihi Phoenix, Part 3
[03:11] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan?
[03:12] Tsukihi
    Heading out again?
[03:13] Koyomi
    Yeah... I am.
[03:16] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan, will Karen-chan be
    home late again today?
[03:19] Koyomi
    I dunno.
[03:21] Tsukihi
    I see.
[03:22] Tsukihi
    Well, when she's really into something,
[03:24] ---
    she stops paying attention
    to her surroundings.
[03:27] Koyomi
    Why? Did you have something
    to discuss with her?
[03:30] Koyomi
    Aren't you done with your Fire Sisters stuff?
[03:35] Tsukihi
    Yeah, it's really nothing...
[03:39] Tsukihi
    But you know, well,
[03:40] Tsukihi
    I haven't been spending much
    time with her lately.
[03:45] Tsukihi
    I'm sure you've already figured this out,
[03:48] Tsukihi
    but I'm not as into justice as she is.
[03:55] Tsukihi
    I like justice, and I love justice,
[03:58] Tsukihi
    but I don't really have any clear
    image of it inside me.
[04:02] Tsukihi
    You know how Karen-chan says,
[04:03] ---
    "My blood of justice won't forgive you!"
    and stuff like that?
[04:05] Tsukihi
    And "My blood of justice burns"? Like that?
[04:07] Koyomi
    She does.
[04:09] Tsukihi
    But I've never felt that way before.
[04:12] Tsukihi
    She has it within her, and I don't.
[04:18] Tsukihi
    The justice I have faith in
[04:21] Tsukihi
    is her brand and yours.
[04:25] Tsukihi
    If she wasn't so sure about it,
[04:29] ---
    I wouldn't believe in something as vague as justice.
[04:33] Tsukihi
    In that sense, you're right.
[04:36] Tsukihi
    My justice is fake.
[04:38] Tsukihi
    The reason I talk about it is because
[04:40] ---
    I'm too easily influenced by
    the people around me.
[04:43] Tsukihi
    If Karen-chan does what she
    does for other people,
[04:46] Tsukihi
    I do it because of them.
[04:50] Tsukihi
    We two have always been
    different in that way.
[04:53] Tsukihi
    So, Onii-chan...
[04:55] Tsukihi
    Lately, I've begun thinking it's time
    to put the Fire Sisters to bed.
[05:01] Koyomi
    Sounds good to me.
[05:03] Koyomi
    Actually, I think you two have
    gotten along too well up to this point.
[05:09] Tsukihi
    I know it isn't anything that can be helped...
[05:12] Tsukihi
    Once she reaches high school,
[05:14] Tsukihi
    will she bully me like you do?
[05:17] Koyomi
    Don't talk about me like that!
[05:20] Koyomi
    I consider myself a helpful,
    and reliable, older brother.
[05:25] Tsukihi
    Helpful?
[05:27] Tsukihi
    You mean like brushing our teeth,
    while touching our breasts?
[05:31] Tsukihi
    Okay, I've decided.
[05:33] Tsukihi
    Once Karen-chan returns,
[05:34] ---
    we'll discuss the future of the Fire Sisters!
[05:38] Koyomi
    What? So you might split up?
[05:41] Tsukihi
    It is possible...
[05:42] Tsukihi
    We have creative differences!
[05:44] Tsukihi
    If she wants to go at it alone, I won't stop her.
[05:48] Tsukihi
    I shall swallow my tears, watching her go!
[05:50] Tsukihi
    Come to our farewell party, okay?
[05:52] Tsukihi
    I'll invite lots of middle-school girls and stuff.
[05:55] Koyomi
    Fine... I'll make the time to go.
[05:59] Tsukihi
    So, my helpful brother,
[06:01] Tsukihi
    weren't you going to leave?
[06:03] Koyomi
    Oh, that's right...
[06:06] Koyomi
    Watch the house, okay?
[06:08] Koyomi
    I'll be home soon.
[06:10] Koyomi
    Need me to pick up anything?
[06:12] Tsukihi
    Nope. See you.
[06:14] Koyomi
    See me...
[06:16] Koyomi
    And get back to your room.
[06:19] Koyomi
    I can't open the door with
    you here, dressed like that
[06:24] Koyomi
    Stop wandering around partially clothed,
    is what I'm saying.
[06:28] Koyomi
    Don't dress like that.
[06:31] Koyomi
    Hey, Tsukihi-chan...
[06:33] Koyomi
    I'm gonna take that off.
[06:34] Tsukihi
    Wh-What?
[06:35] Tsukihi
    Stop it, Onii-chan...
[06:36] Tsukihi
    What are you doing?
[06:38] Tsukihi
    No!
SIGN    Black Scene
[06:45] Koyomi
    I knew it.
[06:46] Tsukihi
    What? What? What?
[06:47] Tsukihi
    What's going on?
[06:49] Tsukihi
    Why is my brother stripping off my clothes,
[06:51] ---
    grabbing my hands, and pushing me down?
[06:53] Koyomi
    Um, Tsukihi-chan...
[06:55] Koyomi
    Didn't you have a scar here?
[06:58] Koyomi
    The scar that should have
    been there is gone.

[07:00] Koyomi
    The doctors were certain that
[07:02] ---
    the scar would never, ever fade, but...
[07:05] Koyomi
    Wait. There aren't any
    scars on your body...
[07:10] Tsukihi
    Scars heal. I'm a human being!
[07:14] Koyomi
    Yeah, I guess so.
[07:15] Tsukihi
    And just get off me, Onii-chan.
[07:18] Tsukihi
    If you wanted to see if the scar was there,
[07:20] ---
    you didn't have to grab my hands
    and get on top of me.
[07:24] Koyomi
    That's... That's true.
[07:29] Tsukihi
    Why did you grab my breast,
    before getting off me?
[07:32] Koyomi
    Just because.
[07:33] Koyomi
    It was right in front of me,
    so I wondered how it would feel.
[07:36] Tsukihi
    That's the only reason?!
[07:37] Koyomi
    Yeah, see...
[07:39] Koyomi
    Squish squish squish squish.
[07:41] Tsukihi
    Don't touch me with your feet!
[07:42] Tsukihi
    It isn't making any fun
    sound effects like that!
[07:44] Tsukihi
    Jeez, Onii-chan, you're touching your
    little sisters' body way too much!
[07:47] Koyomi
    Um, if someone only heard that line,
[07:49] ---
    they'd get some really
    strange ideas about me.
[07:51] Tsukihi
    Jeez...
[07:52] Tsukihi
    Jeez, jeez, jeez!
[07:55] Tsukihi
    Why is it that sisters have pure
    relationships with their boyfriends,
[07:59] Tsukihi
    but are still required to have a physical relationship with their brother?
[08:02] Koyomi
    Oh...
[08:03] Koyomi
    What was his name?
[08:05] Koyomi
    Your boyfriend.
[08:06] Koyomi
    Rosokuzawa-kun?
[08:07] Koyomi
    You haven't split up yet?
[08:09] Tsukihi
    Sorry, but I'm in love.
[08:11] Tsukihi
    Karen-chan's boyfriend, Mizudori-kun,
[08:13] ---
    hasn't been getting along
    with her as well lately.
[08:16] Tsukihi
    But I think they're all right, too.
[08:20] Koyomi
    Okay, I'm leaving now.
[08:22] Tsukihi
    Don't bother coming home!
[08:24] Tsukihi
    There's no home for you!
[08:26] Koyomi
    No, I'm coming back...
[08:29] Koyomi
    Inside your heart!
[08:31] Shinobu
    Flocky chou?
[08:33] Shinobu
    What is this? Is such a thing possible?
[08:35] Shinobu
    To combine the pon de ring
    and the French cruller...
[08:39] Shinobu
    Incredible!
[08:41] Shinobu
    Old-fashioned!
[08:43] Shinobu
    Just looking at it reveals how
    delicious it must be.
[08:45] Shinobu
    I can tell! I don't even have to eat it.
[08:48] Shinobu
    I will, though!
[08:49] Shinobu
    And the mere name "tofu donut" entices me...
[08:54] Shinobu
    And look at these muffins,
    lined up like jewels...
[08:58] Shinobu
    Why was the existence of
    these muffins hidden from me?
[09:02] Shinobu
    Curse them! Unforgivable.
[09:05] Shinobu
    However, and there's no need
    to even say this,
[09:08] ---
    the best part is having all the wonderful
[09:11] ---
    donuts I've consumed so far,
[09:13] ---
    including the golden chocolate,
    laid out before me, in such numbers!
[09:17] Shinobu
    Incredible!
[09:18] Shinobu
    Master, can I eat them all?
SIGN    Black Scene
[09:21] Koyomi
    Of course not!
[09:24] Shinobu
    Then what?!
[09:25] ---
    I will be forced to select a few for my meal,
[09:28] ---
    from the dozens upon dozens set out here?
[09:32] Koyomi
    I'll bring you once a month or something.
[09:34] Koyomi
    So you can wait.
[09:36] Koyomi
    Hmm,
[09:37] Koyomi
    I suppose you can pick three to start.
[09:41] Shinobu
    Oh, my master...
[09:43] Shinobu
    Don't be so foolish.
[09:46] Shinobu
    If you're thinking about the future,
[09:48] ---
    then why not consider this an investment
[09:51] ---
    for getting on my good side?
[09:54] Koyomi
    What happens if I get on your good side?
[10:05] Koyomi
    Oh, fine... Yeah, yeah.
[10:07] Koyomi
    Let's do this...
[10:08] Koyomi
    Let's each choose five.
[10:10] Koyomi
    Ten total.
[10:11] Koyomi
    And we can share.
[10:13] Koyomi
    But no muffins and no pies.
[10:15] Koyomi
    They aren't part of the 100-yen sale.
[10:19] Shinobu
    Very well.
[10:21] Shinobu
    I accept.
[10:37] Koyomi
    So, Shinobu...
[10:38] Koyomi
    I wanted to ask you something.
[10:40] Koyomi
    On my way to Kanbaru's place,
    and when I was coming back,
[10:44] Koyomi
    those two girls who asked me for directions...
[10:46] Koyomi
    The older, with the Kyoto accent,
    and the younger of the "posed look."
[10:49] Koyomi
    What did you think of them?
[10:54] Shinobu
    I suppose I could tell you
    about the posed look one.
[10:59] Koyomi
    What do you mean?
[11:00] Shinobu
    She wasn't human.
[11:02] Shinobu
    She was a supernatural creature.
[11:03] Shinobu
    She took on human form,
[11:06] Shinobu
    but like me, she isn't the age she appears.
[11:09] Shinobu
    And Ononoki Yotsugi is, of course, an alias.
SIGN    Ononoki Yotsugi
[11:13] Koyomi
    I was wondering about her
    first name, Yotsugi.
SIGN    Kagenui Yodzuru
[11:17] Koyomi
    Her first name sounds
     just like that Kagenui girl.
[11:21] Shinobu
    She's probably using the name to bind her!
[11:25] Shinobu
    Just like I'm bound by that brat
    in the Hawaiian shirt.
SIGN    Oshino Meme
SIGN    Oshino Shinobu
[11:30] Shinobu
    Basically, Ononoki Yotsugi is
    Kagenui Yodzuru's familiar.
[11:34] Koyomi
    Familiar?
[11:36] Shinobu
    That's what you'd call it in your culture.
[11:39] Shinobu
    A shikigami, perhaps?
[11:43] Koyomi
    So, of the two,
[11:44] Koyomi
    Kagenui is one of those specialists...
[11:48] Shinobu
    I'm not going to share information
    about a respectable person.
[11:52] Shinobu
    I don't really want you to use me as a tool.
[11:58] Shinobu
    You won't be able to get me to talk
[12:00] Shinobu
    just by buying me donuts.
[12:02] Shinobu
    I'm not that cheap a woman.
[12:04] Shinobu
    I'm not your servant or your shikigami.
[12:08] Shinobu
    If you really insist on knowing,
[12:11] ---
    why not ask the man sitting
    in the seat over there?
[12:26] Koyomi
    Kaiki-san,
[12:27] Koyomi
    after all that grandstanding when you left,
[12:31] Koyomi
    why are you here, eating donuts?
[12:33] Kaiki
    Some minor business.
[12:35] Kaiki
    Just unpleasant, minor business.
[12:38] Kaiki
    Araragi, it's nothing for you
    to concern yourself over.
[12:41] Kaiki
    I'll be gone shortly.
[12:43] Koyomi
    I'd prefer if you left now.
[12:46] Kaiki
    Don't be in such a hurry.
[12:48] Kaiki
    I didn't ever want to see you again, either.
[12:52] Kaiki
    Because of you, I lost a lot of money.
[12:57] Koyomi
    You do know Kagenui Yodzuru
    and Ononoki Yotsugi, right?
[13:00] Kaiki
    You want to know about them? I'll tell you.
[13:02] Kaiki
    Pay up.
[13:04] Koyomi
    Fine...
[13:06] Koyomi
    How much do I need to pay,
    for you to tell me?
[13:09] Karen
    Let me see.
[13:11] Karen
    That will do.
[13:13] Karen
    Araragi.
[13:14] Karen
    I'll allow you to pay with this
    meager change, as a gift
[13:18] ---
    to honor your relationship
    with Senjougahara.
[13:21] Koyomi
    Tell me...
[13:23] Koyomi
    Kagenui Yodzuru and Ononoki Yotsugi!
[13:25] Karen
    They are specialists...
[13:27] Karen
    Ghost busters like me.
[13:29] Karen
    Of course, while I'm a fake, they're real.
[13:34] Karen
    I'm a con man, and they are onmyouji.
[13:37] Koyomi
    Onmyouji?
[13:42] Karen
    Naturally, I said "they."
[13:45] Karen
    But to be precise, Kagenui is the onmyouji,
[13:47] ---
    and Ononoki is her shikigami.
[13:51] Koyomi
    You know them?
[13:52] Karen
    Why would you think so?
[13:53] Koyomi
    Well, the way you talked.
[13:56] Koyomi
    Just the way you spoke implied it.
[13:59] Karen
    I merely know their names.
[14:01] Karen
    Kagenui is rather famous in the business.
[14:06] Karen
    Kagenui Yodzuru and Ononoki Yotsugi,
[14:08] Karen
    modern-day onmyouji.
[14:11] Karen
    Hey, Araragi,
[14:13] Karen
    they're specialists, but they
    specialize in a very limited field.
[14:17] Karen
    That two-person cell specializes
[14:19] Karen
    in immortal creatures.
[14:26] Koyomi
    An onmyouji specializing
    in immortal monsters?
[14:29] Koyomi
    Jeez...
[14:30] Koyomi
    Then they're probably after you and me.
[14:34] Shinobu
    You think we're their targets?
[14:37] Shinobu
    But perhaps we are not, my master.
[14:40] Shinobu
    I've eaten many immortal creatures.
[14:43] Shinobu
    I kill the immortal, too.
[14:45] Shinobu
    Timed Light
    1
[14:46] Shinobu
    Timed Light
[14:46] Shinobu
    And the supernatural isn't immortal.
[14:47] Shinobu
    Timed Light
    3
[14:48] Shinobu
    It isn't even alive.
[14:51] Koyomi
    Yeah...
[14:52] Koyomi
    Well, I guess if you're not living, you can't die.
[14:55] Koyomi
    So I guess anything supernatural is immortal.
[14:59] Koyomi
    But strict definitions aside,
[15:02] Koyomi
    when you say that they might
    not be after us, Shinobu,
[15:05] ---
    does that mean there are
    vampires in this city besides us?
[15:12] Shinobu
    It doesn't have to be vampires.
[15:15] Shinobu
    It wouldn't be strange.
[15:17] Shinobu
    No.
[15:18] Shinobu
    I suppose it would.
[15:20] Koyomi
    Come to think of it,
[15:22] Koyomi
    even just among those I know,
[15:24] ---
    many people have supernatural
    creatures inside them.

[15:29] Koyomi
    Like Kanbaru Suruga, with a
    monkey in her left hand.

[15:32] Koyomi
    Or Hanekawa Tsubasa,
    with a cat inside her mind.

[15:38] Koyomi
    So it wouldn't be particularly odd
    if there were others

[15:41] ---
    housing creatures that I don't know about.
[15:45] Koyomi
    Kagenui-san and Ononoki-chan.
[15:47] Koyomi
    If they're setting up base in the same
    abandoned building as Oshino,

SIGN    Homeless
[15:51] Koyomi
    they're likely in the same business.
    I should deal with them quickly.

SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Black Scene
[16:08] Yozuru
    You...
[16:11] Koyomi
    Hi.
[16:13] Yozuru
    First, I should thank you.
[16:15] Yozuru
    I followed the directions you gave me,
[16:18] ---
    and it led me to the Eikou Cram School.
[16:20] Yozuru
    And you told Yotsugi, as well.
[16:23] Koyomi
    Um, I'm sorry...
[16:25] Koyomi
    I'd like to make something clear.
[16:29] Koyomi
    You came to this city to exterminate us, right?
[16:35] Koyomi
    You've come to kill her, an immortal
    creature not of this world,
[16:38] ---
    along with me, her servant, yes?
[16:42] Koyomi
    Both of you asking me for
    directions was no coincidence.
[16:45] Koyomi
    You were investigating me.
[16:50] Koyomi
    Devil boy,
[16:52] Koyomi
    you seem to be under a misapprehension.
[16:58] Koyomi
    Matters pertaining to the iron-blooded,
    cold-blooded, hot-blooded
[17:03] Koyomi
    killer of monsters and lord of the night,
[17:05] Koyomi
    Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade,
[17:09] Koyomi
    have already been resolved.
[17:12] Koyomi
    And our industry hardly has the free time
[17:14] ---
    to squander resources on a normal human
[17:17] ---
    with a few lingering aftereffects.
[17:21] Koyomi
    Of course, that's thanks to
    Oshino-kun's habitual interference and meddling.
[17:28] Koyomi
    Oshino-kun?
[17:30] Koyomi
    Did she just say Oshino-kun?
SIGN    Yellow Scene
[17:31] Koyomi
    Hey, master. Focus.
[17:35] Koyomi
    You have other things to think about now.
[17:43] Koyomi
    That's right. That's right...
[17:45] Koyomi
    If they aren't here for Oshino Shinobu
    and Araragi Koyomi,

[17:49] Koyomi
    then why have Kagenui-san and
    Ononoki-chan come?

[17:53] Tsukihi
    Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!
[17:57] Tsukihi
    How long will you stand there,
    pressing the doorbell?
[17:59] Tsukihi
    Can't you tell I'm pretending
    not to be here?!
[18:01] Yotsugi
    Unlimited Rulebook.
[18:04] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
SIGN    Black Scene
[18:41] Yozuru
    Calm down, devil boy.
[18:44] Yozuru
    Don't get so worked up.
[18:46] Yozuru
    Oshino-kun would probably
    say something like,
[18:50] ---
    "You're looking lively.
    Did something good happen?"
[18:54] Koyomi
    Shut up!
[18:55] Koyomi
    You...
[18:56] Koyomi
    You bastards...
[18:57] Koyomi
    You killed my sister...
[18:59] Koyomi
    My sister Tsukihi-chan...
[19:01] Koyomi
    I'll make you pay!
[19:03] Yozuru
    What, that was your sister?
[19:06] Yozuru
    I see.
[19:07] Yozuru
    Right, your name is Araragi, too.
[19:10] Yozuru
    I thought it was just a coincidence.
[19:12] Yozuru
    I understand.
[19:14] Yozuru
    Our information had some gaps.
[19:16] Yozuru
    Then that must have been a shock for you.
[19:20] Yozuru
    Sorry, sorry.
[19:22] Koyomi
    You think an apology will help?
[19:24] Yozuru
    Observe.
[19:35] Yozuru
    Devil boy,
[19:37] Yozuru
    you appear to have a thing
    for immortal creatures.
[19:41] Yozuru
    Your sister is possessed by an immortal bird.
[19:44] Yozuru
    That was never truly your sister.
[19:47] ---
    It is human, yet not human.
[19:50] Yozuru
    What you see there is the rare firebird,
[19:53] Yozuru
    the evil phoenix.
[19:55] Yozuru
    I said, with a posed look.
[19:58] Shinobu
    Enough.
[19:59] Shinobu
    I will not allow any more of this.
[20:01] Shinobu
    You can't wish
[20:03] ---
    to attract more attention than
    you already have, correct?
[20:08] Yozuru
    We don't care.
[20:10] Yozuru
    We're not clever enough to be
    concerned with time or place...
[20:14] Yozuru
    And how will you stop us?
[20:16] Yozuru
    What can you do?
[20:18] Yozuru
    Vampire...
[20:20] Yozuru
    Former vampire.
[20:22] Yozuru
    Without your skills, you're no threat to me.
[20:26] Shinobu
    Possibly!
[20:29] Shinobu
    But whether that's true for you,
    is it true for the girl?
[20:32] Shinobu
    I doubt she's strong enough
[20:35] Shinobu
    to withstand my energy drain.
[20:38] Shinobu
    And if I drain her dry,
[20:41] Shinobu
    I think I could handle you...
[20:45] Koyomi
    A bluff!
[20:46] Shinobu
    I'm not going to interfere with you.
[20:50] Shinobu
    But I shall request that you
    withdraw for now.
[20:53] Shinobu
    You could do that for me, couldn't you?
[20:56] Shinobu
    Time isn't an important factor for you.
[21:01] Yozuru
    Fine, then.
[21:02] Yozuru
    As you say, we'll leave now.
[21:04] Yozuru
    Let's go.
[21:05] Yozuru
    Despite what I said,
[21:06] ---
    we have no interest in killing
[21:10] ---
    a sister in front of her brother.
[21:14] Yozuru
    Naturally.
[21:16] Yozuru
    She isn't your real sister.
[21:18] Koyomi
    Not my real sister...
[21:21] Koyomi
    A fake sister?
[21:24] Koyomi
    I'm sure the devil boy
[21:25] ---
    needs time to get this straight in his head.
[21:28] Koyomi
    We'll give you time, out of respect for the legendary vampire.
[21:33] Koyomi
    We'll pretend to fall for your bluff,
[21:36] Koyomi
    so prepare yourself in any way you like.
[21:42] Koyomi
    We'll return tomorrow.
[21:43] Koyomi
    Be sure everything has been handled by then.
[21:46] Koyomi
    Running won't help.
[21:48] Koyomi
    To be clear, neither of us is as easy
    to deal with as Oshino-kun.
[21:51] Koyomi
    We won't let any prey escape.
[21:54] Koyomi
    And if you try to stop us,
[21:55] Koyomi
    we'll ignore the ruling that
    decided you were harmless,
[21:57] Koyomi
    and we'll eliminate you, too.
[22:00] Koyomi
    Goodbye.
[22:01] Koyomi
    Why...
[22:02] Koyomi
    Why are you after Tsukihi-chan?
[22:06] Koyomi
    There's no reason for you to...
[22:09] Yozuru
    There is.
[22:10] Yozuru
    She's a supernatural creature...
[22:13] Yozuru
    A monstrous fake that snuck
    into a human family,
[22:16] Yozuru
    pretended to be human,
[22:18] Yozuru
    and deceived humans!
[22:20] Yozuru
    We call that evil.
[22:26] Yozuru
    We're the good guys...
[22:29] Yozuru
    So we cannot ignore a con like that.
[22:33] Yozuru
    We can't allow it.

Season 1

E11 - Tsukihi Phoenix, Part Four

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Suruga
    The Dying Bird...
[00:03] Suruga
    A type of supernatural cuckoo.
[00:06] Suruga
    The cuckoo from the poem:
[00:08] ---
    "I see green leaves and hear
    the mountain cuckoo's cry,
[00:10] ---
    as I eat the first tuna of the year."
[00:12] Suruga
    They lied when they said it was a phoenix.
[00:16] Suruga
    This bird habitually plants its
    eggs in other birds' nests.
[00:20] Suruga
    It waits for the mother bird of
    another species to leave,
[00:24] Suruga
    and then pushes those eggs out
    of the nest, onto the ground.
[00:27] Suruga
    Then it lays its own eggs,
[00:31] ---
    for the mother bird to warm and hatch.
[00:36] Suruga
    The supernatural cuckoo,
[00:38] ---
    the Dying Bird, exhibits the same behavior.
[00:42] Suruga
    It does the same thing.
[00:44] Suruga
    It plants its egg in a human nest.
[00:47] Suruga
    Inside the womb of a pregnant mother,
[00:50] ---
    it reincarnates itself like a phoenix,
    the immortal bird.
[00:54] Suruga
    The common legend of the phoenix
[00:57] ---
    describes the bird, at its life's end,
[01:00] Suruga
    throwing itself into the flames,
[01:06] ---
    so it can be reborn.
[01:09] Suruga
    In this case, the flame is a human mother.
[01:13] Suruga
    To be precise, the Dying Bird's victim
[01:17] ---
    is not your sister,
[01:19] ---
    but is, instead, your mother.
[01:22] Suruga
    Over ten years ago,
[01:25] Suruga
    your mother carried a monster in her womb.
SIGN    Body
SIGN    Womb
[01:29] Koyomi
    And a year later, Araragi Tsukihi was born.
[01:34] Koyomi
    The Dying Bird was reborn.
[01:37] Suruga
    In the larger scheme, it's a harmless creature.
[01:41] Suruga
    It never hurts anyone.
[01:43] Suruga
    But it is a fake.
[01:46] Suruga
    And it is immortal.
[01:50] Suruga
    Any wound heals instantly.
[01:52] Suruga
    Any illness vanishes.
[01:54] Suruga
    It lives out its lifespan.
[01:56] Suruga
    And then it dies, and is reborn.
[01:59] Suruga
    It has repeated this cycle up to the modern era.
[02:03] Suruga
    Just like a cuckoo...
SIGN    Episode 11: Tsukihi Phoenix, Part 4
[02:11] Karen
    Nii-chan, what is this?!
[02:12] Karen
    What happened?
[02:13] Karen
    An artillery strike?
[02:14] Karen
    Have syndicate pursuit teams
    fired a cannon at us?
[02:17] Koyomi
    Honestly, well...
[02:19] Koyomi
    I don't know.
[02:21] Koyomi
    I went to Mister Donuts, to take a study break,
[02:23] Koyomi
    and when I returned, it was like this.
[02:26] Koyomi
    Maybe a dump truck hit the house,
    before driving off.
[02:31] Karen
    So you've been standing guard...
[02:34] Karen
    Thanks!
[02:35] Karen
    But you haven't gotten to study
    at all today, have you?
[02:39] Koyomi
    I guess not.
[02:40] Karen
    Okay, Nii-chan, I'll take over!
[02:42] Karen
    Now it's my turn.
[02:44] Karen
    Until Mom and Dad get home,
[02:46] Karen
    I shall be Cerberus, Guardian of Hell.
[02:49] Karen
    So get back to your room and study.
[02:55] Karen
    By the way, where's Tsukihi-chan?
[02:58] Koyomi
    I think she was on the second floor
    when it happened.
[03:01] Koyomi
    She watched the front until I returned.
[03:04] Koyomi
    But since she was here when it happened,
[03:07] Koyomi
    it was a big shock.
[03:09] Koyomi
    She's out cold on the second floor.
[03:11] Karen
    Yeah...
[03:12] Karen
    She actually gets rattled pretty easily...
[03:17] Koyomi
    I'm sure you have things you'd like to ask her,
[03:19] Koyomi
    but she really is fast asleep.
[03:21] Koyomi
    Let her rest for a while.
[03:22] Karen
    Aye aye!
[03:25] Koyomi
    Karen-chan?
[03:27] Karen
    What is it, Nii-chan?
[03:28] Koyomi
    Would you be able to die for me?
[03:32] Karen
    Sure.
[03:33] Karen
    Why?
[03:35] Koyomi
    Then, could you die for Tsukihi-chan?
[03:38] Karen
    I could.
[03:40] Karen
    With a smile on my face.
[03:42] Karen
    She's my little sister.
[03:44] Karen
    Of course I could.
[03:47] Koyomi
    Yeah, of course.
[03:49] Koyomi
    And I'd die for you, too.
[03:53] Koyomi
    Again and again,
[03:55] Koyomi
    like some immortal Dracula.
SIGN    Red Scene
[03:57] Koyomi
    I'd die every day until I was dead.
[04:06] Koyomi
    Immortal, huh?
[04:08] Koyomi
    Not a vampire,
[04:10] Koyomi
    but a phoenix, huh?
[04:12] Koyomi
    It's all so sudden...
[04:14] Koyomi
    I can't keep up with everything.
[04:23] Koyomi
    Hey.
SIGN    Hey
SIGN    Black Scene
[04:27] Tsukihi
    What are you doing?!
[04:35] Tsukihi
    I can't believe it...
[04:36] Tsukihi
    This can't be happening!
[04:38] Tsukihi
    My first kiss...
[04:39] Tsukihi
    I was going to give it to Rosokuzawa!
[04:49] Tsukihi
    What's so funny?!
[04:51] Koyomi
    Nothing...
[04:52] Koyomi
    I was just thinking that I felt
    nothing when I kissed you.
[04:56] Koyomi
    It wasn't exciting, and I didn't enjoy it.
[05:00] Koyomi
    You really are my sister.
[05:03] Koyomi
    Tsukihi-chan, did you know
[05:05] Koyomi
    that there was a time when
    I wasn't your brother?
[05:10] Tsukihi
    What are you talking about?
[05:11] Koyomi
    There was a time when I wasn't
    Karen-chan's brother, either.
[05:14] Koyomi
    For the first three years of
    my life, I was an only child.
[05:18] Koyomi
    And the year after that, I only had one sister.
[05:22] Koyomi
    It was four years before I finally
    became your brother.
[05:26] Tsukihi
    Well, yeah...
[05:27] Koyomi
    But, Tsukihi-chan...
[05:30] Koyomi
    Araragi Tsukihi has always
    been my little sister.
[05:34] Koyomi
    My little sister, as well as
    Karen-chan's little sister.
[05:37] Koyomi
    That has never been untrue.
[05:42] Koyomi
    Don't count my kiss...
[05:44] Koyomi
    That's how family works.
[05:46] Koyomi
    For example, when we were little,
[05:48] ---
    how many times did we say we
    were gonna get married?
[05:51] Koyomi
    I couldn't tell you.
[05:53] Koyomi
    Of course, I would've married you both.
[05:55] Tsukihi
    Stupid.
[05:56] Tsukihi
    You think you can fool me
    by bringing up the past?
SIGN    White Scene
[06:00] Tsukihi
    I'm platinum mad...
[06:05] Tsukihi
    Hey, Karen-chan.
[06:07] Tsukihi
    I'm going out for a bit.
[06:09] Karen
    Okay, bye.
[06:11] Koyomi
    While I'm gone, keep an eye out.
[06:13] Koyomi
    No one gets in.
[06:15] Karen
    Leave it to me.
[06:16] Karen
    Karen-chan does whatever her brother says.
[06:29] Suruga
    You're going, my master?
[06:33] Koyomi
    Yes, I am.
[06:34] Suruga
    Where? To do what?
[06:36] Koyomi
    To them. To fight.
[06:38] Suruga
    Why?
[06:40] Koyomi
    For my sister.
[06:41] Suruga
    What will that gain you?
[06:44] Koyomi
    Nothing at all.
[06:46] Koyomi
    I'll only waste some time.
[06:49] Suruga
    I see...
[06:50] Suruga
    Tsukihi, was it?
[06:53] Suruga
    Your miniscule sister.
[06:56] Koyomi
    Yeah...
[06:58] Koyomi
    What? You learned her name?
[07:01] Koyomi
    It's rare for you to learn a human's name.
[07:04] Suruga
    After hearing you scream it so many times...
[07:07] Suruga
    And it's a good name.
[07:09] Koyomi
    A good name?
[07:11] Koyomi
    Is it?
[07:12] Suruga
    I like the "tsuki," from "moon," part.
[07:14] Suruga
    The sun is my enemy,
[07:16] Suruga
    but the moon has been quite good to me.
[07:19] Suruga
    And so,
[07:20] Suruga
    perhaps I shall repay it.
[07:25] Koyomi
    Okay.
[07:27] Koyomi
    Thanks.
[07:29] Suruga
    No need for thanks...
SIGN    No Entry
SIGN    We apologize for the inconvenience, and request your cooperation.
SIGN    No Entry
SIGN    No Entry
SIGN    Beware of
    Falling Objects
SIGN    Danger
[07:55] ---
    
[07:55] ---
    
SIGN    No Entry Watch Your Head
[07:55] ---
    
SIGN     No Entry
SIGN    Emergency Exit
[08:01] Yozuru
    Uninvited company...
[08:04] Yozuru
    Oshino-kun would say "Oh, you're late.
[08:08] Yozuru
    I've been waiting for you."
[08:11] Yozuru
    But I'm not that friendly.
[08:16] Koyomi
    Oshino...
[08:18] Koyomi
    Oshino was never so violent.
[08:25] Yozuru
    I'm sure that's true!
[08:25] Yozuru
    That's how he was...
[08:27] Yozuru
    That's how it is with him.
[08:29] Yozuru
    So what do we do?
[08:32] Yozuru
    An outright brawl is fine with us.
[08:35] Yozuru
    It's simple.
[08:37] Yozuru
    We're all about violence.
[08:39] Yozuru
    And thankfully, both of our teams
    include a human and a monster.
[08:42] Yozuru
    You and me.
[08:44] Yozuru
    And the former Heart-under-blade-chan; Yotsugi-chan.
[08:47] Yozuru
    How does that sound?
[08:52] Yozuru
    Not happy?
[08:53] Yozuru
    Then, I can take the former Heart-under-blade,
[08:56] ---
    and you can have Yotsugi.
[08:59] Yozuru
    She's the one who attacked
    your sister, fake or not.
[09:05] Koyomi
    No,
[09:05] Koyomi
    the first pairing is better.
[09:08] Shinobu
    Excellent.
[09:09] Shinobu
    Then, girl,
[09:10] Shinobu
    come downstairs.
[09:12] Shinobu
    There's a perfect room on the
    second floor for us to fight in.
[09:15] Shinobu
    We can enjoy ourselves there.
[09:18] Shinobu
    I'll show you the difference that
    years of experience make.
[09:22] Yotsugi
    Sure, that's fine.
[09:24] Yotsugi
    Even after powering up,
    you're still weaker than I am.
[09:28] Yotsugi
    Respect for the Elderly Day is
    still a month from now.
[09:31] Yotsugi
    But if you're willing to force
[09:33] ---
    that tired old body to show me the
    difference of years of experience,
[09:36] Yotsugi
    I'll go with you,
[09:38] Yotsugi
    Grannie.
[09:40] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
[09:45] Suruga
    You're a minor Far Eastern youkai,
[09:47] ---
    lacking even existent texts about her.
[09:49] Suruga
    I'll see to it that you can't ever
    have a posed look again.
SIGN    Black Scene
[09:55] Yotsugi
    Well, I'm off to take care of
    the elderly, Onee-chan.
[10:00] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
SIGN    Black Scene
[10:07] Koyomi
    Kagenui-san, what's your relationship to Oshino?
[10:12] Koyomi
    You know the idiot in the
    Hawaiian shirt, Oshino Meme?
SIGN    
[10:17] Yozuru
    What? Oshino-kun's still wearing those shirts?
[10:22] Yozuru
    I thought it was just some kind of trademark,
[10:24] Yozuru
    but if he's still doing it, perhaps
    there's a deeper reason...
[10:29] Yozuru
    Well, it's nothing really.
[10:33] Yozuru
    Just an old friend.
[10:35] Yozuru
    Oshino-kun, Kaiki-kun, and I
[10:37] Yozuru
    were all university classmates.
[10:41] Koyomi
    Oshino, okay...
[10:43] Koyomi
    But Kaiki?
[10:44] Koyomi
    Kaiki?
[10:44] Koyomi
    Did she say Kaiki?
[10:46] Koyomi
    Kaiki...
[10:47] Koyomi
    You mean Kaiki Deishuu?
SIGN    Shinto Studies
SIGN    Student Building
SIGN    Gallery
SIGN    Social Work Department
SIGN    Cafeteria
[10:49] Yozuru
    That's right. Kaiki-kun...
[10:51] Yozuru
    We shared a major, and he was in my club.
SIGN    Campus Map
[10:53] Yozuru
    We used to play four-person shogi
    with another upperclassman.
[10:58] Koyomi
    Was it the shogi research club?
[11:01] Yozuru
    No, the occult research club.
[11:03] Yozuru
    Actually, it was Kaiki-kun who
    was kind enough to tell us
[11:08] Yozuru
    about your sister.
[11:16] Koyomi
    Kaiki!
[11:18] Koyomi
    So this was all your fault?
[11:20] Koyomi
    It was all your doing?!
[11:26] Koyomi
    Kagenui-san.
[11:27] Koyomi
    I'm on my sister's side in this.
[11:30] Yozuru
    Your sister is a fake.
[11:33] Yozuru
    She isn't your real sister.
[11:35] Yozuru
    Even if you recognize that the sister
    you believed to be real is a fake,
[11:40] Yozuru
    can you truly love her, as you always have?
[11:44] Koyomi
    I can.
[11:45] Koyomi
    No, I'll love her even more.
[11:48] Koyomi
    Isn't it hot,
SIGN    Black Scene
[11:50] Koyomi
    having a sister who isn't your real sister?!
SIGN    Red Scene
[11:57] Yozuru
    I understand your feelings.
[11:59] Yozuru
    And I suppose I must respect them.
[12:02] Yozuru
    But from the perspective of a good guy like me...
SIGN    Yellow Scene
[12:06] Yozuru
    Nothing I say will change your mind.
[12:09] Yozuru
    I've given up trying to convince you.
[12:12] Yozuru
    I'm different from Oshino-kun
    and Kaiki-kun, after all.
[12:16] Yozuru
    I can only speak with my fists.
[12:18] Yozuru
    But... But...
[12:20] Yozuru
    I wonder.
[12:22] Yozuru
    Even if you're all right with it...
SIGN    Red Scene
SIGN    Yellow Scene
SIGN    Red Scene
[12:38] Yozuru
    Even if you're all right with it,
[12:41] Yozuru
    how about the rest of your family?!
[12:49] Yozuru
    You were once immortal.
[12:53] Yozuru
    So perhaps you'd be fine
[12:54] Yozuru
    with a fake sister who's an immortal creature.
[12:58] Yozuru
    But how about the rest of your family?
[13:00] ---
    Those who have nothing to do
    with the supernatural?
[13:06] Yozuru
    For example, Karen-chan, was it?
[13:08] Yozuru
    If your other sister knew her little sister
[13:10] ---
    is a supernatural creature,
[13:13] ---
    could she answer the same way?
[13:16] Yozuru
    Or your mother?
[13:17] Yozuru
    If she knew that she birthed a monster,
[13:21] ---
    could she say the same thing as you?
[13:24] Yozuru
    What about your father?!
[13:32] Yozuru
    And what about her?
[13:35] Yozuru
    If the fake knew everything,
[13:37] Yozuru
    could she continue living
[13:39] Yozuru
    like she always has?
[13:43] Yozuru
    Everything's all right now,
    because she doesn't know.
[13:46] Yozuru
    But when she finds out,
[13:48] Yozuru
    won't she be hurt?
[13:51] Yozuru
    An immortal monster cannot
    adapt to its surroundings...
[13:55] Yozuru
    You should know that better than anyone.
[13:57] Yozuru
    Or will she try to be a hero,
    with her inhuman body?
[14:02] Yozuru
    The Fire Sisters, wasn't it?
[14:05] Yozuru
    But how proud, how cruel
[14:08] Yozuru
    could an immortal monster be toward humans?
[14:13] Yozuru
    You know that better than anyone, as well!
SIGN    Black Scene
SIGN    Red Scene
[14:19] Yozuru
    Our job is to stop it before that happens.
[14:23] Yozuru
    Whatever you value...
[14:25] ---
    What you consider right is up to you.
[14:28] Yozuru
    But don't force it onto other people!
SIGN    Red Scene
[14:38] Yozuru
    I'm not finished yet.
[14:42] Yozuru
    I'm starting to worry about Yotsugi, also.
[14:45] Yozuru
    Let's go take a look!
[14:55] Suruga
    What are you doing,
[14:57] Suruga
    my master?
[15:02] Yozuru
    What?
[15:03] Yozuru
    For all her big talk, this is as far as she got?
[15:06] Yozuru
    Looks like you're having a tough time, Yotsugi.
[15:10] Yotsugi
    I was preparing to stage an elaborate comeback.
[15:13] Yotsugi
    Don't worry about me when
    you don't have to, Onee-chan.
[15:17] Yotsugi
    I said, with a posed look.
[15:19] Yozuru
    Right, right.
[15:21] Yozuru
    But allow your sister to have this pleasure.
[15:25] Yozuru
    Former Heart-under-blade,
[15:27] Yozuru
    want to have a final round with me?
[15:46] Suruga
    No, I won't fight.
[15:49] Suruga
    And a final round?
[15:52] Suruga
    Don't be stupid, human.
[15:54] Suruga
    My master hasn't lost to you yet.
[15:59] Suruga
    Correct, my master?
[16:04] Koyomi
    That's right.
[16:05] Koyomi
    I haven't lost yet...
[16:09] Koyomi
    I haven't conceded to you yet.
[16:13] Koyomi
    Not to your fists or to your words.
[16:19] Koyomi
    I haven't accepted either!
[16:23] Yozuru
    Didn't you listen to me?
[16:24] Yozuru
    Whatever you value...
[16:27] ---
    What you consider right is up to you.
[16:30] Yozuru
    But don't force those ideals onto other people.
[16:35] Koyomi
    It isn't "other people."
[16:37] Koyomi
    Not "other people."
[16:40] Koyomi
    It's my family.
[16:42] Koyomi
    I'll force my ideals on my family.
[16:46] Koyomi
    And since they're family, I'll lie to them.
[16:48] Koyomi
    I'll deceive them. I'll cause trouble for them.
[16:50] Koyomi
    I'll make them worry.
[16:52] Koyomi
    I'll owe them things...
[16:55] Koyomi
    Things I'll never be able to repay.
[16:58] Koyomi
    However, I think that's okay.
[17:02] Koyomi
    Kagenui-san...
[17:04] Koyomi
    Miss Good Guy.
[17:07] Koyomi
    If you say that being a fake is evil,
[17:10] Koyomi
    then I will shoulder the burden of that evil.
[17:13] Koyomi
    If lying is evil,
[17:16] Koyomi
    then I'm fine with being evil.
[17:18] Koyomi
    I don't need them to like me.
[17:21] Koyomi
    I'm fine with being the worst kind of person.
[17:23] Tsukihi
    Onii-chan!
[17:24] Koyomi
    As long as she calls me that,
[17:28] Koyomi
    it's enough for me...
[17:32] Yozuru
    The theory of fundamental evil?
[17:34] Yozuru
    As a high school student, you've learned
    the theory of fundamental good, right?
[17:37] Yozuru
    It was a concept developed by
    Chinese philosopher Mencius.
[17:41] Yozuru
    He said that humans are born
    fundamentally good.
[17:44] Yozuru
    That's the one.
[17:46] Koyomi
    Um...
[17:47] Yozuru
    If the theory of fundamental good is an ideal,
[17:50] Yozuru
    the theory of fundamental evil is simple realism.
[17:51] Yozuru
    Desire lies at the core of human nature.
[17:54] Yozuru
    And humans are ruled by these desires.
[17:57] Yozuru
    That was the less tactful theory of Xun Zi.
[18:00] Yozuru
    He claimed that humans are born evil.
[18:04] Koyomi
    Born
[18:06] Koyomi
    evil?
[18:07] Yozuru
    Yes.
[18:08] Yozuru
    Thus, if a person does good,
[18:11] ---
    that is not their true self, but a lie.
[18:15] Yozuru
    That was his theory.
[18:16] Yozuru
    It would be a lie, a fake,
[18:19] Yozuru
    and due only to hypocrisy...
[18:21] Koyomi
    Hypocrisy.
[18:22] Yozuru
    Artificial. And thus,
    by definition, deliberate.
[18:25] Yozuru
    He said all good is thereby
    hypocrisy, and therefore,
[18:30] Yozuru
    it constitutes a deliberate attempt to be good.
[18:34] Yozuru
    It was a game that Kaiki-kun
    often used to discuss...
[18:38] Yozuru
    Given the real thing,
    and an indistinguishable fake,
[18:43] ---
    which is worth more?
[18:46] Koyomi
    The real thing and a fake...
[18:49] Yozuru
    Naturally, my response was that
[18:51] Yozuru
    the real thing was worth more.
[18:54] Yozuru
    Oshino-kun asserted that they
    had equal value, though.
[18:58] Yozuru
    But here is Kaiki-kun's argument:
[19:01] Yozuru
    The fake is of far greater value.
[19:05] Yozuru
    In its deliberate attempt to be real,
[19:08] ---
    it's more real than the real thing.
[19:13] Yozuru
    Kaiki-kun's such a petty villain,
[19:16] ---
    but he does say some neat things.
[19:19] Yozuru
    I suppose you could say
[19:20] Yozuru
    that's the lesson for us here.
[19:25] Yozuru
    It took us ten years to learn, though.
[19:30] Yozuru
    We're leaving.
[19:31] Yozuru
    We lose.
[19:36] Koyomi
    U-Um, Kagenui-san?
[19:38] Yozuru
    Bored.
[19:39] Yozuru
    We're leaving.
[19:41] Yozuru
    I can't fight when I'm feeling strange like this.
[19:47] Yozuru
    Unlimited Rulebook.
[19:49] Yozuru
    You can shoot a bird, but not one that's nesting.
SIGN    Unlimited Rulebook
    A rulebook mostly filled with exceptions.
[19:53] Yozuru
    We'll just call your little sister an exception.
[19:57] Yozuru
    In a way, you're her mentor,
    so keep a close watch over her.
[20:01] Yozuru
    Anyway, you weren't ever
[20:03] ---
    really serious about fighting us, were you?
[20:08] Koyomi
    We weren't serious?
[20:09] Yozuru
    I never sensed a desire to kill.
[20:12] Yozuru
    I don't think you were holding back.
[20:14] Yozuru
    But to be honest, it wasn't much fun for me.
[20:18] Koyomi
    If you didn't think I wanted to kill you,
[20:21] Koyomi
    that's because you treated me like
    a human being, Kagenui-san.
[20:27] Koyomi
    You said we both had a human
    and a monster, right?
[20:31] Koyomi
    Since I became this way, only Oshino
    referred to me as a human being.
[20:37] Koyomi
    So I'm the one who wasn't really into it.
[20:40] Koyomi
    I felt weird, and I didn't want to fight.
[20:43] Koyomi
    It's like when I was facing that
    old guy in the Hawaiian shirt.
[20:48] Yozuru
    I suppose I've ended up acting
    like Oshino-kun here.
[20:53] Yozuru
    I kind of regret it...
[20:56] Yozuru
    Pathetic.
[20:57] Yozuru
    So I guess I'll end this
[20:59] Yozuru
    with something Oshino-kun would never say.
[21:07] Yozuru
    Goodbye.
SIGN    Black Scene
[21:27] Tsukihi
    I was worried you were going to kiss me again,
[21:30] Tsukihi
    but I guess you weren't.
[21:33] Tsukihi
    Good morning. Welcome home.
[21:35] Tsukihi
    Where were you?
[21:36] Koyomi
    Actually, I just went out and
    fought a human like a monster,
[21:40] ---
    and a monster like a human, all for you.
[21:44] Tsukihi
    That was kind of you. Thanks.
[21:48] Tsukihi
    Don't overdo it.
[21:49] Koyomi
    Just let me. I do it because I want to.
[21:52] Tsukihi
    I know, I know.
[21:54] Tsukihi
    You love us.
[21:58] Koyomi
    Don't take it like that.
[22:00] Koyomi
    I hate you both.
[22:03] Koyomi
    Once summer break ends,
[22:06] ---
    I'll introduce you to my girlfriend.
[22:10] Tsukihi
    What, Onii-chan?
[22:11] Tsukihi
    You have a girlfriend?
[22:13] Koyomi
    Yeah, ever since May.
[22:15] Tsukihi
    I'm platinum mad!
[22:17] Koyomi
    Don't tell her anything she
    doesn't need to know.
SIGN    Black Scene
[22:21] Koyomi
    I got way more involved than usual,
[22:25] Koyomi
    but there was no point in
    staying there forever.
[22:27] Koyomi
    For now, I'll go back to my room and change.
[22:31] Koyomi
    It's gotten quite late while
    I was doing all this.
[22:36] ---
    It's time for this monster to bow out.
SIGN    To Be Continued