E3 - My Wife Met My Sister

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Potato Chips
    Lightly salted
[00:09] Mina
    Hello, Kosugi residence.
[00:12] Akari
    Uh, hello?
[00:13] Akari
    Huh? Is this Kosugi Takuma's cell?
[00:16] Mina
    Yes. My master is
    currently out shopping.
[00:20] Akari
    Huh? "Mas..."
[00:22] Akari
    U-Um, wh-who might you be?
[00:25] Mina
    My name is Mina.
[00:27] Akari
    Mina-san...
[00:28] Mina
    Takuma-sama and I—
[00:30] Akari
    "Sama"?!
[00:31] Mina
    We are not legally married, but our
    relationship is similar to marriage.
SIGN    Onii-chan
SIGN    Ongoing call
[00:45] Mina
    As a wife, I concluded it was best
    to answer my husband's phone.
[00:50] Akari
    Y-Yes. I would say so.
[00:53] Akari
    I-I'm Kosugi Takuma's
    little sister, Akari.
[00:56] Akari
    W-Would it be okay if I
    stopped by to say hello?
[00:59] Mina
    No problem. May I ask
    what the occasion is?
[01:03] Akari
    Oh, n-nothing in particular!
SIGN    Onii-chan
SIGN    Ongoing call
[01:05] Akari
    B-Bye!
SIGN    Akari
SIGN    Call ended
[01:16] Takuma
    I'm home.
[01:18] Takuma
    Huh? My smartphone?
[01:20] Takuma
    Did something happen?
[01:23] Mina
    Nothing in particular, it seems.
SIGN    #03 My Wife Met My Sister
[03:00] Takuma
    Yup, this is the stuff.
SIGN    Akari
SIGN    Cell phone
[03:12] Takuma
    It's Akari.
[03:14] Takuma
    Hello.
[03:15] Akari
    I'm coming over today.
[03:17] Takuma
    Why, all of a sudden?
[03:18] Akari
    As if you have to ask!
[03:20] Akari
    Don't you have
    something to say to me?
[03:23] Takuma
    Um... Do I?
[03:25] Akari
    Whatever!
    I'm coming over, anyway!
[03:29] Takuma
    She's mad?
SIGN    Luminous Asahi
[03:33] Takuma
    I'm home.
[03:39] Mina
    Welcome home.
[03:41] Mina
    You are early.
[03:43] Takuma
    Yeah.
[03:44] Mina
    I have not made dinner yet.
    What should I do?
[03:47] Takuma
    Well, today...
[03:51] Takuma
    Actually, it turns out
    someone's coming over.
[03:58] Takuma
    So, Mina-chan.
[03:59] Takuma
    Sorry to ask this, but could you
    stay in here a little while?
[04:07] Mina
    Very well.
[04:20] Takuma
    I don't think they'll be here long.
[04:22] Mina
    Very well.
[04:33] Takuma
    Mina-chan!
[04:35] Takuma
    Mina-chan!
[04:36] Takuma
    Ow!
[04:38] Takuma
    Sorry. Forget it, come on out.
[04:40] Mina
    Very well.
[04:44] Takuma
    So, my sister is coming over.
[04:47] Takuma
    Are you okay with meeting her?
[04:49] Mina
    Very well.
[04:51] Mina
    According to information
    on the internet,
[04:53] Mina
    my husband's sister becomes
    my sister as well.
[04:56] Takuma
    Yeah.
[04:57] Mina
    How does one normally
    behave around a sister?
[05:01] Takuma
    You can say
    whatever you're thinking.
[05:04] Takuma
    No matter what
    happens, I'll be here.
[05:07] Mina
    Very well.
[05:17] Takuma
    H-Hi.
[05:19] Takuma
    Akari-chan, what brings you—
[05:20] Akari
    Onii-chan, you jerk!
[05:24] Takuma
    Hey!
[05:24] Akari
    Why didn't you tell me
    you have a girlfriend?!
[05:27] Akari
    And she's your 
    common-law wife, to boot?!
[05:29] Takuma
    Huh?! How do you know that?
[05:31] Akari
    This is low! Too low! You lech!
[05:34] Akari
    Where is sh—
[05:35] Mina
    Takuma-sama...
[05:38] Mina
    is a lecher?
[05:42] Mina
    Takuma-sama is abnormally
    curious about the opposite sex?
[05:46] Takuma
    Don't look up that word online!
[05:49] Akari
    A-A robot?
[05:51] Akari
    Onii-chan, you bought a robot?
[05:53] Takuma
    Here she is.
[05:55] Mina
    I am his common-law wife,
    Mina. How do you do?
[05:59] Akari
    Sh-She's adorable!
[06:05] Akari
    I-I mean...!
[06:07] Akari
    B-But she's a robot!
[06:09] Akari
    Are you serious?
[06:11] Takuma
    I am.
[06:13] Takuma
    I'm in... love with her.
[06:17] Akari
    Oh, wow...
[06:27] Akari
    He's actually going
    out with a robot?
[06:30] Akari
    Th-That is...
[06:33] Akari
    awesome!
SIGN    Has an interspecies love fetish.
[06:39] Akari
    A human married to
    a robot? That rules!
[06:45] Mina
    Was there some problem?
[06:47] Takuma
    No, it was fine.
[06:50] Takuma
    I decided not to
    keep it secret any longer.
[06:53] Takuma
    Anyway, I'll go after Akari
    and discuss it with her.
[06:56] Mina
    Very well.
[06:58] Takuma
    Whoa!
[07:00] Akari
    Sorry, I lost my composure.
[07:04] Akari
    There's no rule that says you can't
    love a robot, so that itself is fine.
[07:10] Akari
    However!
[07:12] Akari
    If you're going to be
    in love with my brother!
[07:13] Akari
    Not to mention,
    become his wife!
[07:15] Akari
    You're going to have to
    defeat his sister first!
[07:19] Mina
    All right.
[07:20] Mina
    I must switch to bodyguard mode to
    neutralize an opponent without causing injury,
[07:25] Mina
    so could I ask you
    to attack Takuma-sama?
[07:28] Takuma
    Mina-chan, it's a figure of speech.
    She means, talk her into it.
[07:32] Akari
    I want to know more about you!
[07:35] Akari
    Would you mind
    telling me some things?
[07:38] Mina
    No problem.
[07:41] Akari
    Okay, Onii-chan.
    Find someplace to go.
[07:43] Akari
    I'll call you afterwards.
[07:44] Takuma
    Huh? What for?
[07:46] Akari
    There are things we can only
    discuss if it's us girls!
[07:59] Akari
    Calm down. Calm down, Akari.
[08:02] Akari
    Asking about someone else's
    relationship while you're worked up
[08:05] Akari
    would be the height of rudeness!
[08:07] Akari
    Feign calm, and glean as
    much info as possible from
[08:10] Akari
    whatever friendly questions
    a sister can ask a robot!
[08:16] Akari
    Parse it all carefully
    once you get home, Akari!
[08:21] Akari
    So, you're designed for cooking.
[08:24] Mina
    I am a scaled-down version of
    the housework robot Super Mina.
[08:28] Akari
    That sounds great. I wish you
    could come by my house too.
[08:31] Mina
    I cannot. I have work to do.
[08:33] Akari
    First, I'll focus on breaking
    the ice with small talk.
[08:38] Akari
    Mina-san, do you...
    love my brother?
[08:43] Akari
    Yow! Oh no, I blurted out
    exactly what I was thinking!
[08:46] Mina
    I do not really understand
    the concept of "love."
[08:50] Akari
    I guess maybe it means "that
    person alone is special."
[08:54] Akari
    Say I were your master. If I told you
    to marry me, do you think you would?
[08:59] Mina
    Yes. I obey my master's commands
    to whatever extent possible.
[09:02] Akari
    Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
[09:05] Akari
    Okay, picture being married to me,
    versus married life with my brother.
[09:11] Akari
    Which do you think is better?
[09:14] Mina
    Living with Takuma-sama.
[09:21] Mina
    Are you all right?
[09:22] Akari
    I-I'm fine.
[09:24] Akari
    S-So, why is that?
[09:26] Akari
    Why would you prefer him?
[09:29] Mina
    I have so little data on you, Akari-sama,
    that I was unable to simulate it.
[09:33] Akari
    Oh, so that's why...
[09:36] Akari
    Okay, imagine there's a runaway
    trolley flying along at high speed.
[09:40] Akari
    Onii-chan is standing there
    on the track, spacing out,
[09:43] Akari
    and the trolley's going to kill him!
[09:46] Mina
    Why is he spacing out
    in a place like that?
[09:49] Akari
    A-Anyhow, you're right next to the
    track switch, and you can save him!
[09:54] Akari
    But standing on the other track, spacing
    out, is some older dude you don't know!
[09:59] Akari
    So! Will you switch the tracks?!
[10:02] Mina
    My programming does not
    allow me to endanger anyone,
[10:05] Mina
    so I suspect I would
    not touch the switch.
[10:07] Akari
    The trolley is closing in!
[10:09] Akari
    Are you okay with just letting it
    slam into my brother and kill him?!
[10:12] Mina
    No trolleys exist in Takuma-sama's daily
    life, so I cannot foresee such a situation.
[10:18] Mina
    Takuma-sama...
[10:21] Mina
    is safe.
[10:25] Akari
    Figuring out how
    a robot feels isn't easy.
[10:28] Mina
    Akari-sama.
[10:30] Mina
    May I ask a question too?
[10:32] Akari
    What is it?
[10:33] Mina
    Takuma-sama said previously
    that he loves me.
[10:37] Mina
    Does that mean that I,
    individually, am special?
[10:40] Akari
    Huh? Y-Yeah.
[10:42] Mina
    For instance, even if Super Mina
    and I cost the same amount,
[10:47] Mina
    does that mean Takuma-sama
    would purchase me?
[10:50] Akari
    Y-Yeah! He'd definitely choose you!
[10:52] Akari
    Wait, is this...?
[10:54] Mina
    I see, then he
    would suffer a loss.
[10:57] Akari
    No, it's not a loss!
[10:59] Akari
    You have some other value with
    which nothing else compares!
[11:03] Akari
    And that's...
[11:04] Akari
    That's...
[11:06] Akari
    l-love!
[11:08] Mina
    Are you all right?
[11:11] Akari
    M-Maybe not!
[11:20] Akari
    Are you interested in being fashionable?
[11:20] Akari
    During our conversation, I think I
    figured out why Takuma fell for her.
[11:22] Mina
    What is being fashionable?
[11:24] Akari
    It sucked that he bought Mina-san at a
    second-hand shop, but it's also thrilling.
[11:25] Akari
    Making yourself look as nice as you can.
[11:28] Mina
    That always happens during maintenance.
[11:31] Akari
    I'm not really into it either, but I
    figure this situation calls for it.
[11:31] Akari
    I'd like to find out all sorts
    of things, but some seem taboo.
[11:36] Mina
    I see.
[11:36] Akari
    Oh, by the way. What was
    your former owner like?
[11:41] Akari
    Or so I thought, but I
    just blurted one out...
[11:43] Mina
    I can hardly remember.
[11:46] Mina
    Information about my former
    owner is nearly all encrypted,
[11:49] Mina
    and impossible to reference.
[11:50] Akari
    Is that so.
[11:51] Mina
    Based on data fragments, I surmise that
    while my former owner did purchase me,
[11:56] Mina
    they were apparently dissatisfied with my
    machine-like body, my lack of expression,
[12:00] Mina
    and that I could not exhibit
    human-like behavior.
[12:05] Mina
    They sold me to a second-hand shop
[12:08] Mina
    and put that money towards
     purchasing a Super Mina.
[12:11] Akari
    Th-That's unforgivable.
[12:14] Mina
    When I think of it in this way, I conclude
    it is good that I am the cheap edition.
[12:19] Akari
    Huh? Why's that?
[12:20] Mina
    Were I not incomplete, I would probably
    still be with my former owner,
[12:25] Mina
    and would never have
    met Takuma-sama.
[12:35] Mina
    Then, I also would never have
    received this diamond ring.
[12:39] Akari
    Diamond?!
[12:41] Mina
    Nor would I be
    Takuma-sama's common-law wife,
[12:44] Mina
    nor would we have gone on a picnic.
[12:47] Mina
    It is good that I am the cheap edition.
[12:51] Akari
    Yeah.
[12:52] Akari
    Are you having any trouble right now?
[12:55] Akari
    If there's anything I can do, I'll do it.
[12:57] Mina
    I want a Mina Series Deluxe Option Set.
[13:00] Akari
    How much is that?
SIGN    Mina Series
SIGN    Ichijo Robotics Inc.
SIGN    Mina Series
SIGN    DX Option Set
SIGN    Your adorable Mina-chan can have super-special
     functions added?! Introducing the dreamlike 
    DX Option Set!!! The price is ¥7,500,000. 
    We can have her upgraded soon after you order. 
    °Please contact Customer Service for further info.
[13:01] Mina
    ¥7,500,000.
[13:04] Akari
    Sorry, I can't afford that.
[13:06] Mina
    Then I want a memory card.
SIGN    Ichijo Robotics Inc.
[13:09] Akari
    Oh, I have the kind for digital cameras.
SIGN    SD card
SIGN    Our 128GB SD card is a user-friendly balance 
    between storage capacity and price. It makes for 
    a great low-cost gift. ★ And this memory card will 
    make your adorable Mina-chan very happy. We will 
    ship it as soon as you order. °Please contact 
    Customer Service for further info.
[13:11] Akari
    Here.
[13:12] Mina
    You are sure that I can have it?
[13:16] Mina
    Thank you.
[13:17] Akari
    Don't mention it.
[13:18] Akari
    But for what do—
[13:22] Mina
    I will save a backup.
[13:26] Akari
    Listen, you and Onii-chan...
[13:29] Akari
    You're husband and wife, right?
[13:31] Mina
    Not legally, but we are married.
[13:34] Akari
    A-Are you... 
    physically intimate, that way?
[13:40] Akari
    Sex drive is in overdrive.
[13:43] Mina
    Akari-sama.
[13:44] Akari
    I-I'm sorry,
    that was a weird question!
[13:47] Mina
    As we are married, I sleep in
    the same futon as Takuma-sama.
[13:52] Mina
    There are times when our
    bodies come into contact.
[13:57] Mina
    Does this count as physical intimacy?
[13:59] Akari
    I-It sure does!
[14:09] Takuma
    I wonder what they're talking about.
[14:15] Akari
    My heart runneth over.
[14:21] Mina
    May I ask another favor?
[14:23] Akari
    Of course.
[14:25] Mina
    I want you to hold on to this data,
    in case anything happens.
[14:29] Akari
    I get it.
[14:31] Akari
    But this can't be big
    enough for a full backup.
[14:35] Mina
    No problem. The data necessary for a
    restoration is automatically stored on a server.
[14:40] Akari
    Oh, okay.
[14:42] Akari
    Then, what's this?
[14:46] Akari
    All right.
[14:48] Akari
    I'll look after it.
[14:50] Mina
    I am in your hands.
[14:53] Akari
    This was a gift from someone else, but...
SIGN    It was in her bag the whole time.
[14:57] Mina
    What is this?
[14:58] Akari
    It's called solid perfume.
[15:00] Akari
    It comes in all sorts of scents.
[15:02] Akari
    You take a little, and spread
    it on your wrist or wherever.
[15:08] Akari
    And a pleasant-smelling girl is born!
[15:11] Mina
    A pleasant-smelling girl.
[15:13] Akari
    Want to try some?
[15:14] Mina
    I will.
[15:16] Akari
    Take a little...
[15:21] voice
    Foreign material attached to finger.
[15:24] voice
    Please remove it immediately.
[15:26] Akari
    What's going on?
[15:27] Mina
    It is a hygiene-related warning.
[15:29] Mina
    It will happen continuously
    if I spread this on my wrist.
[15:33] Akari
    S-Spread it somewhere else!
[15:41] Akari
    This precious memory
    might be lost someday.
[15:44] Akari
    I can't tell Onii-chan about it.
[15:46] Akari
    I'm sure it contains...
SIGN    Onii-chan - Cell phone
[15:50] Akari
    Hello, Onii-chan?
[15:52] Akari
    You can come home now.
[15:54] Akari
    Yeah.
[16:00] Takuma
    I'm home.
[16:02] Mina
    Welcome home, Takuma-sama.
[16:04] Takuma
    Akari left?
[16:06] Mina
    Yes.
[16:07] Takuma
    She could have tried
    some of your food first.
[16:10] Takuma
    What did you and she talk about?
[16:15] Mina
    Conversation between girls is secret. Shh.
[16:24] Takuma
    Did you mean to do this?
[16:27] Mina
    It is secret. Shh.
[16:31] Takuma
    W-Well, secret is secret.
[16:34] Mina
    Dinner will be ready soon,
    so please wait a bit.
[16:37] Takuma
    Sure.
[16:46] Mina
    Takuma-sama.
[16:48] Mina
    It is dangerous to approach during cooking.
[16:51] Takuma
    Sorry to get in your way.
[16:52] Mina
    It is no problem, provided
    you say something first.
[16:56] Takuma
    Can I eat a little later?
[16:59] Mina
    No problem.
[17:08] Takuma
    Wh-What was that sound?
[17:10] Mina
    A message has arrived from Akari-sama.
[17:14] Takuma
    You exchanged IDs?
[17:16] Mina
    Yes, she is giving me some advice.
SIGN    Did Onii-chan 
    eat the carrots?
SIGN    Did Onii-chan 
    eat the carrots?
SIGN    Yes. He seemed pleased 
    with the added honey.
SIGN    That's good.♥
SIGN    That's good.♥
SIGN    It is an effective source 
    of vitamin A.
SIGN    That's good.♥
SIGN    It is an effective source 
    of vitamin A.
SIGN    Oh yeah, 
    I forgot to mention 
    this before...
[17:19] Takuma
    Huh.
[17:21] Takuma
    What sort of things did you—
[17:23] Mina
    Takuma-sama.
[17:24] Mina
    Is your birthday May 21st?
[17:28] Takuma
    Y-Yeah.
[17:31] Takuma
    What's up?
[17:32] Mina
    A surprise.
[17:35] Mina
    I want it to be a secret.
[17:37] Takuma
    Huh.
[17:38] Takuma
    She's planning to surprise me.
[17:41] Takuma
    On that note, do you have
    a birthday, Mina-chan?
[17:44] Mina
    Not as a fixed date, no.
[17:46] Takuma
    Okay. Maybe we should pick one.
[17:49] Takuma
    Do you know what day you were made?
[17:52] Mina
    I was manufactured four
    years ago, on December 12th.
[17:55] Takuma
    Then that day's your birthday.
[17:58] Mina
    Is it?
[17:59] Takuma
    Mhm.
[18:01] Takuma
    A message?
[18:02] Mina
    Yes.
[18:03] Takuma
    What are you discussing?
[18:05] Mina
    Conversation between girls is secret.
[18:07] Takuma
    I'm so curious.
[18:10] Mina
    I received a piece of
    advice regarding you.
[18:14] Takuma
    What is it?
[18:15] Mina
    She said that smelling someone's hair for
    21 minutes straight is downright creepy.
[18:21] Takuma
    That's not advice, it's a comment.
[18:24] Mina
    It is a comment?
[18:26] Takuma
    I had her mute her outgoing
    and incoming alerts.
[18:33] Takuma
    I'm home.
[18:35] Mina
    Welcome home.
[18:38] Takuma
    What's for dinner tonight?
[18:48] Mina
    Are you all right?
[18:49] Takuma
    Wh-What are you wearing?
[18:52] Mina
    Akari-sama bought it for me.
[18:54] Takuma
    Oh yeah, she said something about that.
SIGN    Akari
SIGN    Can I go shopping 
    with Mina-chan?
SIGN    Sure. 
    I'll let her 
    know.
[19:02] Takuma
    Oww...
[19:05] Takuma
    H-Hey...
[19:10] Takuma
    You look really good!
[19:13] Mina
    This is to your taste?
[19:14] Takuma
    Yeah!
[19:15] Mina
    That is good to hear.
[19:18] Mina
    As there are many more clothes.
[19:20] Takuma
    Whoa!
[19:22] Mina
    Could you tell me which
    articles are your favorites?
[19:30] Takuma
    Hello, Akari?
[19:32] Akari
    What?
[19:33] Akari
    Thanks for buying so much
    for her. I'll pay you back.
[19:36] Akari
    Nah, shopping with Mina-san
    is all sorts of fun.
[19:41] Akari
    The relationship you
    two have is adorable.
[19:44] Akari
    Sorry to poke my nose
    into your personal life.
[19:47] Takuma
    I don't really mind.
[19:49] Takuma
    Except I do.
[19:50] Takuma
    Keep on teaching her stuff.
[19:53] Takuma
    When Mina-chan does things I don't
    see coming, it makes me happy.
[19:59] Takuma
    When someone learns all about the world,
    and still decides they like me the best,
[20:04] Takuma
    aren't they the one I marry?
[20:07] Takuma
    And so, to that end...
[20:14] Akari
    Wh-What's wrong?!
[20:16] Mina
    I will try on other clothes.
[20:18] Takuma
    W-Wait a minute!
[20:19] Takuma
    Don't undress here!
SIGN    Asaobi
SIGN    Seeking 100 happy married couples!!
    To convey the words "Thank you"
SIGN    What's the key to a happy relationship?!
[20:25] TV announcer
    The key to a happy relationship
    is all about bathing together!
[20:29] TV announcer
    All you couples out there,
    try sharing a bath!
[20:33] Takuma
    A shared bath sounds great.
[20:35] Takuma
    I'd love to try that.
[20:38] Mina
    Shall we bathe together?
[20:40] Takuma
    Huh?! Y-You could handle that?
[20:43] Mina
    My model has cleared temperature
    resistance tests from -57˚C to 98˚C.
[20:50] Mina
    The heat of a bath will pose no challenge.
[20:54] Mina
    The Mina Series is uncompromising
    when it comes to water resistance.
[20:57] Mina
    The top model, Super Mina,
SIGN    Congrats on a successful crossing!
[21:00] Mina
    passed a durability test by traversing the
    bottom of the Akashi Straight on foot.
[21:04] Takuma
    That's too uncompromising.
[21:06] Mina
    In terms of getting into a bath,
[21:08] Mina
    one could say I am far more
    suitable than a human woman.
[21:12] Takuma
    O-Okay then...
[21:14] Takuma
    I mean... shall we?
[21:15] Mina
    Yes.
[21:18] Mina
    It was suggested on television
    earlier that we scrub one another.
[21:21] Takuma
    L-Let's just take things
    one step at a time.
[21:25] Mina
    Very well.
[21:28] Takuma
    Oh man, this is wild.
[21:30] Mina
    Takuma-sama, what is the matter?
[21:32] Takuma
    Oh, n-nothing.
[21:36] Takuma
    Two minutes in, and I was dizzy.
[21:38] Mina
    Takuma-sama.
[21:40] Takuma
    B-baggy loungewear!
[21:45] Takuma
    What's wrong?
[21:46] Mina
    My abdomen.
[21:48] Takuma
    Huh? Are you okay?
[21:51] Mina
    I apologize. It seems my thermal
    compartment was open slightly.
[21:55] Takuma
    Is your body okay?
[21:56] Mina
    No problem.
[21:59] Takuma
    That's good!
[22:01] Mina
    Yes.
[23:35] Mina
    Next time.
SIGN    #04 My Wife Changed into a Swimsuit
[23:36] Takuma
    If my wife changed into a swimsuit.