E8 - Gifts in the Season of White

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[02:19] Mr. Villain
    And that's the dream I had.
[02:25] Rooney
    Dreams are a manifestation
    of one's deep psyche.
[02:28] Rooney
    Has something shocking
    happened to you, General?
[02:35] Mr. Villain
    Yes.
SIGN    Panda Collection 10
SIGN    I Want to Be a Panda
SIGN     Cute Pandas, Fluffy and Soft
SIGN    Panda Collection 10
[03:00] (Flashback) Mr. Villain
    Oh?
[03:56] (Flashback) Mr. Villain
    I think I'll make some coffee.
SIGN    One notification
SIGN    Now
SIGN    An announcement from the Uenono Zoo
[04:11] announcer
    There's been a decision
    to return the pandas.
[04:14] announcer
    The pandas have been a popular
    attraction for the zoo,
[04:18] announcer
    so we interviewed people on the street
    to see the reaction to this development.
[04:24] announcer
    Here's the footage now.
[04:30] Mr. Villain
    The damage inflicted was surprisingly severe.
[04:34] Mr. Villain
    My knees still hurt.
[04:38] Rooney
    Ah, so that's what's up.
[04:41] Mr. Villain
    Yeah.
[04:57] Rooney
    I'm prepared now.
[05:00] Mr. Villain
    You sure about this?
[05:04] Rooney
    Right back at you, General.
[05:28] Mr. Villain
    What's that supposed to be?
[05:36] Mr. Villain
    What... the...
[05:43] Mr. Villain
    He hollowed out the skin
    and closed it back up
[05:48] Mr. Villain
    so it would look like a perfectly
    untouched mandarin orange?!
[05:54] Rooney
    You should never show your hand.
[05:57] Rooney
    And what's that you've made, General?
[06:00] Rooney
    A dog or something?
[06:04] Mr. Villain
    You underestimate me.
[06:11] Rooney
    What secret plan gives you such confidence?
[06:16] Mr. Villain
    That's right! Be afraid!
[06:31] Rooney
    A panda?!
[06:34] Rooney
    Well done, General.
[06:36] Rooney
    I'll have to get serious too.
[06:41] Rooney
    It's on!
[06:43] Rooney
    A caterpillar!
[06:48] Mr. Villain
    A flower.
[06:51] Rooney
    I haven't lost yet.
[06:54] Mr. Villain
    Bold words.
[06:57] Rooney
    Here goes...
[07:00] Rooney
    A turtle!
[07:03] Mr. Villain
    An elephant!
[07:04] Rooney
    A crab!
[07:06] Mr. Villain
    A lobster!
[07:07] Rooney
    A helicopter!
[07:09] backgrounder A
    What are they doing?
[07:11] Mr. Villain
    A car!
[07:12] backgrounder Z
    Thinking up new weaponized
     life forms, perhaps?
[07:15] backgrounder A
    Who can say?
[07:26] Mr. Villain
    You're better than I expected.
[07:31] Rooney
    I get the job done when it counts.
[07:42] Rooney
    This will be the final round.
[07:45] Mr. Villain
    Fine by me.
[07:48] Rooney
    General!
[07:51] Mr. Villain
    Let's see it!
[08:05] Rooney
    A kotatsu monster!
[08:07] Mr. Villain
    An Earthling!
[08:10] Mr. Villain
    Oho.
[08:12] Rooney
    Wow, look at that!
[08:14] Rooney
    How's he standing up?!
[08:16] Rooney
    I want to make one, too!
[08:18] Rooney
    Oh, but now we're all out of oranges...
[08:24] Mr. Villain
    I had a feeling this would happen.
[08:27] Rooney
    Don't tell me...
SIGN    Delicious Yumeiro Mandarin Oranges
[08:31] Mr. Villain
    I bought an extra box!
[08:34] Rooney
    General!
[08:36] Mr. Villain
    No need to thank me. However...
[08:39] Rooney
    Yeah.
[08:42] Rooney
    We'll have to eat all these.
[08:45] Mr. Villain
    Yep.
[08:52] Rooney
    They always taste so good!
[08:57] Mr. Villain
    Yeah.
[08:59] Mr. Villain
    I wonder if the rest of the gang would enjoy
    it if we taught them how to make these.
[09:11] Trigger
    There.
[09:15] backgrounder A
    Trigger, sir.
[09:16] backgrounder A
    I brought the documents.
[09:21] Trigger
    What's that creature?!
[09:24] backgrounder A
    Oh, it's a mandarin orange.
[09:26] backgrounder A
    Rooney taught me how to make this.
[09:33] Trigger
    Don't teach them things
    that'll cause confusion!
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[10:00] Rooney
    General!
[10:02] Rooney
    Wanna do that "Christmas
    present exchange" thing?
[10:06] Mr. Villain
    Huh?
[10:08] Rooney
    Don't Earthlings do something
    like that at "Christmastime"?
[10:13] Rooney
    We do need to get a handle
    on the Earthlings' tastes, you know.
SIGN    GAB
SIGN    GAB
SIGN    GAB
SIGN    GAB
SIGN    GAB
[10:17] Rooney
    Well, I've got a meeting now.
[10:19] Rooney
    We'll talk details later!
[10:26] Mr. Villain
    What?
[10:29] Mr. Villain
    A present?
[10:41] Mr. Villain
    Present...?
SIGN    Get your Christmas cake at Hope Mart
[10:53] Mr. Villain
    Presen...
[11:03] Mr. Villain
    Pres...
SIGN    brush
SIGN    brush
[11:10] Mr. Villain
    Pre...
[11:25] Mr. Villain
    Pr...
[11:49] Santa
    The secret to choosing a present?
[11:51] Mr. Villain
    Yeah.
[11:52] Mr. Villain
    Isn't that your specialty, old man?
[11:56] Santa
    Let's see...
[11:58] Santa
    Picture the recipient's smiling face
    as you choose.
[12:03] Santa
    That's what I do.
[12:06] Mr. Villain
    Their face?
[12:11] Santa
    The joy on their face when they see the gift.
[12:14] Santa
    When they open it, exclaim in surprise,
     and then smile again...
[12:20] Santa
    Ah, that makes me so happy.
[12:29] Mr. Villain
    Do you select presents so you
    yourself can feel happy?
[12:35] Santa
    Hmm?
[12:39] Santa
    Well, well.
[12:41] Santa
    You know, you might be right.
[12:46] Santa
    Both parties receive joy.
[12:49] Santa
    Maybe that's what gift-giving is all about.
[12:58] Rooney
    General!
[12:59] Rooney
    Hey, hey, General! Hey, hey, General!
    Hey, hey, General! Hey, hey, General!
[13:23] Mr. Villain
    Now I get it.
[13:42] Rooney
    So, General...
[13:44] Rooney
    Are you sure you're ready?
[13:48] Mr. Villain
    Who do you think you're talking to?
[13:52] Rooney
    I'd expect no less from you.
[13:54] Rooney
    Now, let's get this over with.
[14:01] Mr. Villain/Rooney
    Merry Christmas!
SIGN    Mandarins
[14:27] Rooney
    Perhaps we're too like-minded?
[14:29] Mr. Villain
    I'll never live this down.
[14:31] Rooney
    You say that now,
[14:34] Rooney
    but let's do this again next year!
[14:36] Rooney
    We can get all the higher-ups to take part.
[14:39] Mr. Villain
    Huh?
[14:42] Mr. Villain
    Not bad.
[14:45] Rooney
    Tasty, right?
[14:48] Rooney
    But there are so many of them,
    we should share with everyone.
[14:57] Rooney
    You guys!
[14:58] Rooney
    We have mandarins in the control room!
[15:00] Rooney
    Help yourselves!
[15:02] backgrounder
    Sweet!
[15:02] backgrounder
    Thank you, sir!
[15:08] backgrounder B
    Where'd you get those?
[15:10] backgrounder C
    The control room.
[15:14] backgrounder C
    Here, you can have one.
[15:15] backgrounder B
    Really? You sure?
[15:18] Trigger
    What do they have now?
[15:22] Trigger
    Hey, Rooney!
[15:26] Rooney
    Yeah?
[15:28] Mr. Villain
    Sorry, Trigger. We just ran out.
[15:33] Trigger
    Huh?
[15:42] Mr. Villain
    You'll have to settle for this.
[15:48] Mr. Villain
    It's milk flavored.
[15:51] Trigger
    Well, I don't want it!
[16:47] Mugi
    Sora.
[16:48] Mugi
    Sora, wake up.
[16:59] Mugi
    Hey, Sora.
[17:00] Mugi
    There are presents.
[17:13] Sora
    You're right.
[17:15] Mugi
    They were just there.
[17:17] Sora
    Can we open them now?
[17:19] Mugi
    But it's still dark outside.
[17:26] Sora
    We'll wait until it's
    a little lighter out, then.
[17:30] Mugi
    Yeah, just a little longer.
[17:44] Pink
    This is the one I wanted.
[17:48] Blue
    Black.
[17:50] Red
    Why did I get one, too?
[17:52] Blue
    I'm in my twenties, you know.
[18:00] Black
    From Santa's point of view,
     we never grow up.
[18:05] Blue
    Huh?
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[18:45] Mr. Villain A
    Let us begin the meeting.
[18:53] Mr. Villain A
    The topic is befriending pandas,
[18:55] Mr. Villain A
    which we'll proliferate
    after humanity is exterminated.
[18:59] Mr. Villain B
    Objection.
[19:01] Mr. Villain A
    Yes, the me who likes white bears?
[19:04] Mr. Villain B
    While calling them "white bears" is charming,
[19:07] Mr. Villain B
    I prefer to call the name polar bears.
[19:10] Mr. Villain A
    Call them whatever you like.
[19:12] Mr. Villain B
    I recommend we proliferate polar bears
    after humanity's downfall, not pandas.
[19:21] Mr. Villain C
    Objection!
[19:22] Mr. Villain D
    Objection.
[19:23] Mr. Villain A
    Yes, the me who likes red pandas
[19:26] Mr. Villain A
    and the me who likes grizzlies?
[19:28] Mr. Villain C
    Since white bear me already went there,
    I say it's red pandas we should increase!
[19:30] Mr. Villain B
    Polar bear!
[19:33] Mr. Villain C
    Behold this lovable form!
[19:37] Mr. Villain D
    No!
[19:38] Mr. Villain D
    I endorse the grizzly!
[19:41] Mr. Villain D
    Their strength will be
    an asset to our home world!
[19:45] Mr. Villain D
    They're cool and cute! 
    The strongest of them all!
[19:50] Mr. Villain E
    Just a moment.
[19:52] Mr. Villain A
    Yes, the me who likes teddy bears?
[19:54] Mr. Villain E
    For the most part,
    we collectively like bears.
[19:57] Mr. Villain E
    Let's make them all into teddies
    and decorate with them.
[20:01] Mr. Villain D
    I don't know what you're talking about!
[20:01] another Mr. Villain
    Be quiet!
[20:02] another Mr. Villain
    Get real!
[20:03] Mr. Villain C
    The red panda isn't in the Ursidae
    family! It's an Ailuridae!
[20:03] another Mr. Villain
    We're talking about living things here!
[20:07] Mr. Villain F
    May I speak too?
[20:08] Mr. Villain A
    Yes, the me who likes Chinese buns?
[20:10] dumpling
    I taste great!
[20:12] Mr. Villain F
    Chinese buns are enjoyed both
    for their flavor and adorable shape.
[20:16] Mr. Villain F
    We should take over a production line
    so we can still eat them post-humanity.
[20:21] Mr. Villain A
    I approve.
[20:22] Mr. Villain D
    Seconded!
[20:22] Mr. Villain B
    Well said!
[20:23] another Mr. Villain
    Seconded!
[20:23] Mr. Villain C
    Agreed!
[20:24] another Mr. Villain
    Seconded.
[20:25] Mr. Villain E
    Well played, me who likes Chinese buns.
[20:26] another Mr. Villain
    Seconded!
[20:27] another Mr. Villain
    I'd like to speak, too!
[20:28] another Mr. Villain
    Me, too!
[20:28] another Mr. Villain
    And me!
[20:29] another Mr. Villain
    I want to be heard as well.
[20:30] another Mr. Villain
    We should go with rabbits!
[20:32] another Mr. Villain
    Wait! First we need to talk about dogs!
[20:32] another Mr. Villain
    Badgers aren't bad, either.
[20:34] another Mr. Villain
    Those are in Mustelidae!
[20:34] another Mr. Villain
    Listen to me first!
[20:35] another Mr. Villain
    Ferrets are uncommonly cute, too!
[20:36] another Mr. Villain
    What about kangaroos?!
[20:38] another Mr. Villain
    What about squirrels?
[20:39] another Mr. Villain
    Sun bears are awesome, too!
[20:39] another Mr. Villain
    Listen to what I'm saying!
[20:40] another Mr. Villain
    I say we spread sweet potato soft serve.
[20:43] another Mr. Villain
    I'm of the same opinion.
[20:43] another Mr. Villain
    Then I say we make the winter-exclusive
    strawberry mochi bar year-round.
[20:45] another Mr. Villain
    I second that.
[20:47] another Mr. Villain
    Makes sense to me.
[20:49] Mr. Villain A
    This is getting us nowhere.
[20:52] Mr. Villain G
    You guys are so noisy.
[21:00] Mr. Villain A
    The me who likes cats!
[21:03] Mr. Villain G
    Today, I'm gonna school you
    on the appeal of cats.
[21:10] another Mr. Villain
    Say what?!
[21:11] another Mr. Villain
    Be quiet!
[21:12] another Mr. Villain
    Don't do it!
[21:13] another Mr. Villain
    Shut up!
[21:13] another Mr. Villain
    All of us here already know all about that!
[21:14] another Mr. Villain
    You dastardly villain!
[21:17] Mr. Villain G
    So, about cats...
[21:19] all the others
    S-Stop!
SIGN    rub...
SIGN    MR. VILLAIN'S DAY OFF
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[23:21] Mr. Villain
    A cat's young: a kitten.
[23:24] Mr. Villain
    A lion's young: a cub.
[23:28] Mr. Villain
    Toyed with by a devil and an angel.
[23:32] Mr. Villain
    Nailed by a beanshooter.
[23:34] Mr. Villain
    Even ogres cry.
[23:40] Mr. Villain
    The answer is in the wind.
[23:44] Mr. Villain
    The way of desire.
SIGN    The Way of Desire