E3 - The Fiends of Winter

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[01:54] Mr. Villain
    It's cold.
[02:07] Mr. Villain
    It's profoundly cold.
[02:11] Mr. Villain
    But if I stay in bed like this,
    my precious day off will pass me by.
[02:33] Mr. Villain
    It's time.
SIGN    Adorable baby pandas
[03:05] (Flashback) Rooney
    Hey, hey! That was you at the store, right?
[03:09] (Flashback) Rooney
    Hey, hey! It's lunchtime!
[03:11] (Flashback) Rooney
    Wanna come with me to the cafeteria?
[03:29] Rooney
    Oh, you finally answered—
[03:30] Mr. Villain
    You try my patience.
[03:32] Mr. Villain
    Did you forget I told you not
    to call me on my day off, Rooney?
[03:37] Rooney
    Of course I didn't, General!
[03:41] Rooney
    Say, you're not showing up on my end.
[03:44] Rooney
    Wonder why. Is it busted?
[03:45] Mr. Villain
    Who knows?
[03:46] Rooney
    Oh, I bet you're doing it on purpose.
[03:48] Mr. Villain
    This call ends in two seconds 
    if it's about nothing.
[03:52] Rooney
    Wait! Wait!
[03:53] Rooney
    I need to talk to you about an Earth monster!
[03:56] Mr. Villain
    A monster?
[03:59] Mr. Villain
    You've got five minutes.
[04:01] Rooney
    Thank you!
[04:02] Rooney
    So, I've been looking into some talk
    about a monster that appears in the winter
[04:07] Rooney
    and occupies human dwellings.
[04:10] Mr. Villain
    Is it powerful?
[04:12] Rooney
    Very powerful.
[04:15] Rooney
    It uses warmth to lure in humans,
    then traps them in its belly.
[04:21] Mr. Villain
    It eats humans, does it?
[04:24] Mr. Villain
    That could work in our favor.
[04:26] Rooney
    Yes. I was also wondering
    if we could use it somehow.
[04:31] Rooney
    But... I let it get the better of me.
[04:35] Rooney
    It's already...
[04:36] Rooney
    devoured me from the waist down.
[04:40] Mr. Villain
    Why didn't you say so sooner?!
[04:42] Mr. Villain
    Where are you right now?!
[04:44] Rooney
    The control room.
[04:46] Mr. Villain
    Headquarters has already been breached?!
[04:50] Mr. Villain
    Give me a full report!
[04:52] Rooney
    You're coming in, General?!
[04:55] Mr. Villain
    Of course I am!
[04:57] Mr. Villain
    Try to hold out until I get there!
[04:59] Rooney
    Oh, and hey! Could you buy
    some mandarin oranges?
[05:02] Mr. Villain
    Mandarin oranges?
[05:04] Mr. Villain
    Apparently, that's what you
    do with this monster.
[05:07] Mr. Villain
    Yet I completely forgot to prepare some.
[05:12] Mr. Villain
    So you distract the enemy
    with its favorite food?
[05:15] Mr. Villain
    How could you forget to prepare a decoy?
[05:17] Mr. Villain
    But rejoice!
SIGN    Yumeiro Mandarin Oranges
[05:19] Mr. Villain
    I just bought a bunch of oranges yesterday!
[05:23] (Flashback) middle-aged woman
    We always go through
    mandarin oranges in no time,
[05:27] (Flashback) middle-aged woman
    so I buy them by the box.
[05:28] (Flashback) Mr. Villain
    Makes sense.
[05:30] Mr. Villain
    Rooney isn't combat personnel.
[05:32] Mr. Villain
    He stands no chance in an attack!
[05:34] Mr. Villain
    Damn you!
[05:36] Mr. Villain
    Damn you, Earthlings!
[05:45] Mr. Villain
    Rooney!
[05:53] Rooney
    General! I'm so glad you've come!
[05:57] Rooney
    Teach me how to free myself
    from this wintertime monster!
[06:03] Rooney
    I'll get cold if I get up, but I've needed
    to go to the bathroom for ages now!
[06:07] Rooney
    What do I do, General?!
[06:13] Rooney
    You're well-versed in human culture,
    so you must know a way.
[06:18] Rooney
    Oh? You know, I haven't seen you
    with your hair down in forever.
SIGN    KONK
[06:23] Rooney
    Ouch!
[06:32] Rooney
    Behold the winter monster's final form!
[06:36] Mr. Villain
    Less talking, more peeling.
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[07:06] woman
    Look!
[07:07] woman
    It's so cute!
SIGN    warm
SIGN    warm
[07:10] boyfriend
    It's a panda.
[07:11] woman
    Yeah, a limited-edition panda bun!
[07:14] Mr. Villain
    Panda bun?!
[07:16] woman
    That convenience store back there had them.
[07:19] Mr. Villain
    You can get them at convenience stores?
[07:22] boyfriend
    What's the filling?
[07:23] woman
    Probably meat.
[07:24] boyfriend
    We just ate, and now
    you're going to have more?
[07:27] woman
    What can you do? 'Tis the
    season for Chinese buns!
[07:30] woman
    But I also don't want to overdo it.
[07:38] woman
    Let's go halfsies.
[07:39] boyfriend
    Jeez, why'd you buy one now?
[07:41] boyfriend
    But thanks.
[07:43] boyfriend
    Hey, that's tasty.
[07:44] woman
    Right?
[07:55] Yamano
    Welcome!
SIGN    Manager Recommended
SIGN    Hot Snacks
SIGN    Freshly brewed coffee
SIGN    Chocolate!!
SIGN    Half Off
[08:28] Yamano
    Have you decided?
[08:30] Yamano
    We have those limited-edition
    panda buns all this month.
[08:34] Yamano
    They're packed full of meat,
    and they're juicier than the regular ones!
[08:38] Yamano
    I recommend them!
SIGN    This month's recommendation
[08:40] Yamano
    But they're so cute,
     it's kind of a shame to eat them.
[08:44] Yamano
    I feel a little bad doing it, you know?
[08:50] Yamano
    There I go again!
[08:52] Yamano
    I'm sorry!
[08:53] Mr. Villain
    You.
[08:54] Yamano
    Yes, sir!
[08:56] Mr. Villain
    You get it.
[08:58] Yamano
    Uh?
[09:03] Mr. Villain
    I'll have to build up to it.
[09:06] Yamano
    Oh, sure...
SIGN    A later date
[09:09] Yamano
    Welcome!
[09:24] Yamano
    I recommend these, too.
SIGN    Original Meat Buns
SIGN    You'll find convenient ready-made food at the checkout counter!
[09:37] Yamano
    Thank you so much!
[09:46] Mr. Villain
    To start, a meat bun.
[09:50] Mr. Villain
    Sure is small.
SIGN    The next day
[09:59] Mr. Villain
    Today, a pizza bun.
SIGN    The day after
[10:04] Mr. Villain
    Today, a sweet bean paste bun.
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    anxious
[10:06] Yamano
    Thanks for waiting.
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    Several
    days later
[10:10] Mr. Villain
    Today, a gourmet pork bun.
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    anxious
SIGN    anxious
[10:13] Mr. Villain
    This has become my after-work treat.
[10:15] Yamano
    Here you go.
SIGN    Several more
    days later
[10:21] Harada
    Welcome.
[10:32] Mr. Villain
    Today's the day.
SIGN    Pork Chunk Buns
[10:43] Harada
    Thanks!
[10:50] Mr. Villain
    By the time I worked up the nerve,
    they'd discontinued the panda buns.
[11:07] Mr. Villain
    I'm a high-ranking officer of the Evil League,
    which fights daily to wipe out humankind
[11:17] Mr. Villain
    and claim the Earth in the
    name of our home planet.
[11:20] Mr. Villain
    But today is my day off.
[11:23] Mr. Villain
    I stopped by the supermarket
    on my way home from the zoo.
SIGN    Meat Buns
SIGN    Meat Buns
[11:30] Mr. Villain
    Chinese buns?!
[11:32] Mr. Villain
    Somewhere other than the convenience store?
[11:35] Mr. Villain
    And in four-packs?
[11:36] woman A
    I wonder what I should fix tonight.
[11:37] Mr. Villain
    What a bargain!
[11:38] woman B
    Well, how about something warm?
[11:38] Mr. Villain
    I know what I'm having 
    for breakfast tomorrow.
[11:41] woman A
    Good idea!
[11:42] woman B
    Yeah!
[11:52] Mr. Villain
    Chinese bun...
[11:55] Mr. Villain
    Chinese bun...
[11:57] Mr. Villain
    Chinese bun...
[11:59] Mr. Villain
    Chinese bun...
[12:01] Mr. Villain
    Chinese—
[12:06] Mr. Villain
    Dampen it.
[12:10] Mr. Villain
    Wrap it up.
[12:12] Mr. Villain
    One minute in the microwave.
SIGN    flat...
[12:42] Mr. Villain
    At least it tasted like a Chinese bun.
SIGN    Meanwhile
SIGN    flat...
[12:54] Red
    My meat bun...
[12:56] Red
    How could this be?
[12:58] Mugi
    Red, you wrapped it too tightly.
[13:01] Sora
    When you do that,
    it forms a vacuum that flattens it.
[13:04] Sora
    I feel sorry for the meat bun.
[13:07] Mugi
    I'm sure even it wanted to be eaten
    in its original fluffy form.
[13:13] Sora
    And now it's been reduced to this.
[13:17] Mugi/Sora
    Poor thing.
[13:20] Red
    Sorry, meat bun!
[13:22] Red
    This is all my fault!
[13:24] Blue
    What a fuss to make over a single meat bun.
[13:27] Blue
    And stop picking on Red.
[13:30] Blue
    If you two want meat buns,
    I'll warm them up for you.
[13:33] Mugi
    No thanks, Blue. They come out
    all hard when you do them.
[13:36] Sora
    You both suck at this.
[13:38] Blue
    Gimme a break!
[13:41] Mugi
    Actually, we have this amazing thing.
[13:44] Sora
    We always use this to get fluffy meat buns.
[13:48] Blue
    You should've said so!
[13:57] Mr. Villain
    To think such a superb device exists...
[14:00] Mr. Villain
    It's so fluffy.
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[14:19] child
    Hooray!
[16:18] Mr. Villain
    Today's a compensatory day off,
[16:20] Mr. Villain
    and I'm on my way to the zoo
    for some soothing panda time.
[16:45] Mr. Villain
    Hey.
[16:48] Mr. Villain
    Let me help.
[16:52] old man
    Well, well. I do appreciate it.
[17:11] Mr. Villain
    Hey.
[17:16] Mr. Villain
    Climb on.
[17:19] old man
    Well, thanks a bunch!
[17:22] Mr. Villain
    You got a good grip, old man?
[17:25] old man
    Sure do.
[17:27] Mr. Villain
    Okay.
[17:37] old man
    You're such a kind boy, sonny.
[17:40] Mr. Villain
    "Sonny"?
[17:42] old man
    Would you lend me a hand again?
[17:44] Mr. Villain
    Fine by me.
[17:46] old man
    Good, good.
[17:49] old man
    You're a good boy. Thank you.
[18:08] Mr. Villain
    Did he mistake me for his
    grandson or something?
[18:14] Mr. Villain
    Humans are so fleeting, it's painful.
[18:23] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-three pandas...
[18:26] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-four pandas...
[18:29] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-five pandas...
[18:32] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-six pandas...
[18:36] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-seven pandas...
[18:40] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-eight pandas...
[18:44] Mr. Villain
    Three hundred and fifty-nine...
[19:07] Mr. Villain
    Where am I?
[19:09] old man
    Sonny! Sonny!
[19:11] old man
    Am I glad to see you!
    Lend me a hand again, won't you?
[19:16] Mr. Villain
    You're the old man from today...
[19:17] old man
    Here, put this on. It's cold.
[19:21] old man
    Okay, now come with me.
[19:23] Mr. Villain
    Wai—
[19:24] old man
    This way!
[19:53] Mr. Villain
    Old man, do you always do this hard labor?
[19:57] old man
    Yup, I sure do.
[19:59] Mr. Villain
    Haven't you reached retirement age?
[20:03] old man
    I'd like to keep it up, as long as
    there are children who believe in me.
[20:12] old man
    Even if I'm a fairy tale
    they naturally forget as they grow up,
[20:18] old man
    I'm alive in their hearts for as
    long as they believe I exist.
[20:31] old man
    I want to grant their little
    wishes, one by one.
[20:37] Mr. Villain
    Old man...
[20:38] old man
    And sometimes, I get to meet
    kind young ones like yourself.
[20:44] old man
    Thank you for today,
    child of a distant star.
[20:50] old man
    Merry Christmas to you.
[21:06] Mr. Villain
    I think I had a dream about
    doing hard labor in the snow...
[21:10] Mr. Villain
    Oddly enough, my muscles feel sore.
[21:23] Mr. Villain
    Might as well put away the bedding.
[21:28] newscaster
    Good morning!
[21:29] newscaster
    Today is December 25th.
[21:31] newscaster
    That means it's Christmas.
[21:34] newscaster
    Christmas songs are playing downtown,
[21:36] newscaster
    there are lights everywhere, and I suspect
    plenty of people are out and about.
[21:41] newscaster
    I hope all of you have a wonderful day.
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    MR. VILLAIN'S DAY OFF
[23:22] Mr. Villain
    Milky clouds hanging
     in the jet-black sky...
[23:27] Mr. Villain
    Before you know it, they change shape...
[23:30] Mr. Villain
    and twinkle gently in the light.
[23:34] Mr. Villain
    At a brief, quiet gathering,
    the wind blows and flowers scatter.
[23:43] Mr. Villain
    A lost child, when spring comes to town.
SIGN    When Spring Comes to Town