E2 - Earth Is Formidable Indeed

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[01:30] backgrounder Z
    Dear Mother in suspended animation
    on our distant home planet...
[01:35] backgrounder Z
    How are you?
[01:37] backgrounder Z
    I've finally been dispatched to Earth,
[01:39] backgrounder Z
    and I'm proudly working for the League!
[01:42] backgrounder Z
    What's more, I received the honor
    of being assigned to his unit!
[01:51] backgrounder Z
    I would love to see you and report
    all this to you in person,
[01:55] backgrounder Z
    but there's no easy way to travel
    between our world and Earth.
[01:59] backgrounder Z
    It's unfortunate.
[02:01] backgrounder Z
    We are not permitted to utter
    the name of he whom we serve
[02:05] backgrounder Z
    out of reverence for his top-class strength.
[02:11] backgrounder Z
    Which is why we, his subordinates,
    respectfully address him as the General!
[02:29] Rooney
    Hey, hey! It's lunchtime!
[02:32] Rooney
    Wanna come with me to the cafeteria?
[02:33] Mr. Villain
    Shut up. I'm busy. Get lost.
[02:36] Rooney
    Okay! Too bad!
[02:39] Mr. Villain
    I should have taken a paid vacation day...
SIGN    Public unveiling today!!!
SIGN    Uenono Zoo's baby panda
[02:46] Mr. Villain
    I accepted that only the winners
    would get to see this in person today,
[02:50] Mr. Villain
    but why do a lottery in the first place?
[02:53] Mr. Villain
    Let the people who want to see it see it.
[02:56] Mr. Villain
    Right?
SIGN    Public unveiling today!!!
SIGN    Uenono Zoo's baby panda
[03:19] Mr. Villain
    The health and safety of
    the baby panda come first.
[03:24] Mr. Villain
    When you're that cute,
    there's just no way around it.
[03:31] backgrounder Z
    Oh man, this never ends!
[03:34] backgrounder Z
    Everyone else has already gone home!
[03:36] backgrounder Z
    But I at least need to—
[03:37] Mr. Villain
    Hey.
[03:40] Mr. Villain
    You're that rookie who joined up recently.
[03:45] backgrounder Z
    It's the G-G-G-G-General!
[03:50] Mr. Villain
    Your shift is long over.
[03:53] Mr. Villain
    Get the hell outta here.
[03:55] backgrounder Z
    B-But...
[03:56] backgrounder Z
    I-I-I just thought... I would
    get through... this much, sir!
[04:03] backgrounder Z
    I apologize for being so slow.
[04:12] Mr. Villain
    This ain't anything
    that needs finishing tonight.
[04:19] Mr. Villain
    Neither's this.
[04:20] Mr. Villain
    Or this.
[04:21] Mr. Villain
    Don't try to bulldoze through it all.
[04:24] Mr. Villain
    It's gonna take more than a day
     for Earth to fall to our planet.
[04:30] Mr. Villain
    This is a protracted war.
[04:32] Mr. Villain
    If you don't look after your own mind
    and body, you'll burn out someday.
[04:38] Mr. Villain
    Tomorrow's a day off. Make the most of it.
[04:50] backgrounder Z
    H-H-H-He spoke to me!
[04:54] backgrounder Z
    He told me to make the most of it, but how?
[04:58] backgrounder Z
    "How to spend a day off"...
[05:05] Mr. Villain
    What? You went to the zoo?
[05:08] backgrounder Z
    Y-Yes, sir!
SIGN    Uenono Zoo
[05:09] employee
    The line to view the pandas starts here!
[05:12] employee
    Please come forward another step!
[05:17] backgrounder Z
    It's so cute!
[05:19] backgrounder Z
    General, you wrote in a report
    that it would be worth revisiting!
[05:24] backgrounder Z
    So I was wondering what it was like...
[05:28] backgrounder Z
    I-I'd be honored if you would accept these.
[05:31] backgrounder Z
    I hear they're popular!
[05:40] Mr. Villain
    Not bad.
[05:43] backgrounder Z
    I-I'll be on my way now!
[05:51] backgrounder B
    Hey, he melted.
[05:52] backgrounder C
    You okay?
[05:54] backgrounder Z
    Dear beloved Mother...
[05:56] backgrounder Z
    I will keep working hard under the General!
[06:10] Mr. Villain
    A gift from the zoo...
[06:24] Mr. Villain
    I'm... supposed to chew this up?
[06:29] Mr. Villain
    Damn you, Earthlings! What barbarism!
[06:32] Mr. Villain
    It's too cute!
SIGN    He decorated his place with them
    until the expiration date
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[07:16] Mr. Villain
    I...
[07:19] Mr. Villain
    I want a pet panda.
[07:23] Mr. Villain
    At times like this when I drag myself home,
    exhausted from work...
[07:29] Mr. Villain
    If only I had a pet panda...
[08:02] Mr. Villain
    That would rule.
[08:05] Mr. Villain
    No, wait. "Pet" is rather presumptuous.
[08:10] Mr. Villain
    Once humanity is no more,
    the pandas will propagate
[08:14] Mr. Villain
    and they will coexist with us.
SIGN    Paradise full of pandas
[08:17] Mr. Villain
    So rather than pets,
    won't they be our friends...?
SIGN    °His ability to think is negatively
     impacted by his exhaustion
[08:24] Mr. Villain
    With a panda...
SIGN    Gaming together
[08:27] Mr. Villain
    We'd game together.
SIGN    Seeing the cherry 
    blossoms together
[08:29] Mr. Villain
    We'd go see cherry blossoms together.
SIGN    Sharing our troubles
[08:32] Mr. Villain
    We'd share our troubles.
[08:33] Mr. Villain
    You must have it rough, too.
[08:36] Mr. Villain
    What? Not so much?
SIGN    Drinking parties
[08:39] Mr. Villain
    Drinking parties.
[08:41] Mr. Villain
    Trips.
SIGN    Traveling together
[08:43] Mr. Villain
    How splendid the world will be
     with humanity gone...
[09:03] Mr. Villain
    Pandas...
[09:08] Mr. Villain
    On this weekday morning, I renewed
    my resolve to wipe out the human race.
[09:15] Mr. Villain
    I wanna take a paid vacation day
    and spend it at the zoo...
[09:20] Mr. Villain
    And so I am.
[09:23] Mr. Villain
    However, I've encountered a serious dilemma.
[09:33] Mr. Villain
    What color are panda tails?
[09:37] Mr. Villain
    It's generally accepted that they're white.
[09:41] Mr. Villain
    But is that true?
[09:43] Mr. Villain
    Are they really white?
[09:45] Mr. Villain
    Their ears and limbs are black,
    yet their tails are white?
[09:50] Mr. Villain
    I won't believe it until I see it for myself.
SIGN    °He bought an annual pass
[09:54] Mr. Villain
    Now show me your tail, panda!
SIGN    Fifteen minutes later
SIGN    Thirty minutes later
SIGN    One hour later
SIGN    Two hours later
[10:37] Mr. Villain
    For two hours, it's just been
    sitting there stuffing its face.
[10:44] Mr. Villain
    But if I stay too much longer,
    I'll be in the way of other visitors.
[10:49] Mr. Villain
    And it could be my imagination,
    but I feel like the staff is eyeing me.
[10:55] Mr. Villain
    Worse, I've taken so many pics,
    my battery's at critical.
[11:09] Mr. Villain
    That was the best shot.
[11:14] Mr. Villain
    So be it.
[11:18] visitor
    Look, it's moving!
[11:22] Mr. Villain
    Oh, right, my phone's dead!
[11:28] mother
    Mr. Panda sat back down...
[11:31] child
    Sure did.
[11:52] Mr. Villain
    I get it. There are days
    you just want to sit around.
[11:56] Mr. Villain
    But can't you turn around real quick?
[12:00] Mr. Villain
    Only for a second would be fine, Mr. Panda...
SIGN    Three hours later
[13:19] Mr. Villain
    It's white!
[13:19] Hiroki
    The tail's white!
[13:44] Mr. Villain
    At a later date, I would write in my report
    that it was a long struggle.
[13:58] Mr. Villain
    Having conquered my serious dilemma,
    I've found my way to the petting zoo.
SIGN    Petting Zoo
[14:04] Mr. Villain
    That one has a panda-like pattern.
[14:09] employee
    Would you like to try
    playing with the rabbits?
[14:13] employee
    Adults are welcome too.
SIGN    Petting Zoo
[14:20] employee
    Just make sure not to stand up
    while holding a rabbit.
[14:24] employee
    We also have guinea pigs inside.
[14:32] Mr. Villain
    I'm supposed to walk without
    stepping on these adorable guys?
[14:41] Mr. Villain
    What cursed tests these Earthlings concoct!
[14:46] employee
    Oh, wow! They sure seem to like you, mister.
[14:51] employee
    You've got him trapped,
    so come over here, little ones.
[14:56] employee
    Try crouching down to touch them.
[15:11] Hiroki
    It's easiest to pet them on
    their backs... To start, I mean.
[15:23] Hiroki
    They like it down
[15:25] Hiroki
    the middle of their backs
    with the grain of their fur.
[15:29] Hiroki
    Once the rabbit is used to it,
[15:32] Hiroki
    they like having places like
    their head and cheeks rubbed.
[15:36] Mr. Villain
    This kid...
[15:38] Mr. Villain
    It's white!
[15:38] Hiroki
    The tail's white!
[15:44] Mr. Villain
    He's the boy who confirmed
    the panda's tail color with me!
[15:48] Mr. Villain
    Are you a zoologist?
[15:51] Hiroki
    N-No, I'm not!
[15:54] Hiroki
    I'm still a kid.
[15:58] Hiroki
    But I would like to become an animal doctor.
[16:04] Mr. Villain
    Oh, yeah?
[16:05] Hiroki
    Yeah.
[16:07] Hiroki
    But Mom said it'll never happen...
[16:11] Mr. Villain
    Doctor,
[16:12] Mr. Villain
    could you explain the proper way
    to pet them again for me?
[16:19] Hiroki
    "Doctor"? You mean me?
[16:21] Mr. Villain
    That's right.
[16:24] Mr. Villain
    I don't have a clue,
     so please teach me, animal doctor.
SIGN    Petting Zoo
[16:33] Hiroki
    Well, you see...
[16:50] Mr. Villain
    This warmth.
[16:52] Mr. Villain
    Its perfect heft.
[16:54] Mr. Villain
    And above all, the feel...
[16:57] Mr. Villain
    The sensation of stroking it!
[17:00] Mr. Villain
    To think something so soothing exists...
[17:03] Mr. Villain
    Earth is formidable indeed.
[17:10] Mr. Villain
    We could use this at work.
[17:14] Mr. Villain
    Could it be...?
[17:15] Mr. Villain
    I wonder if pandas...
[17:15] Hiroki
    I wonder if pandas are this soft, too.
[17:39] Mr. Villain
    Once there are more pandas,
    I'll see to it we can touch one another.
[17:43] Hiroki
    Yay! Yay!
[17:45] Mr. Villain
    When that time comes,
    if he's become an animal doctor...
[17:56] Mr. Villain
    No, even then,
    humanity will still have to go.
[18:15] backgrounder Z
    I bet he's thinking up ways
    to wipe out the humans!
[18:22] Mr. Villain
    What would be a persuasive argument
    for getting some rabbits in here?
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[19:08] Mr. Villain
    Today's my day off.
[19:10] Mr. Villain
    I'd love to get myself out of here
    with the grace of a shooting star,
[19:15] Mr. Villain
    but sadly, I missed my chance...
[19:19] Red
    So we meet again,
    nice guy from the Evil League.
[19:24] Red
    Today's the day you fight Ranger Dawn Red!
[19:29] Red
    Does that mean our truce
    is back in effect today?
[19:33] Red
    There are no pandas here
    and no other pedestrians around.
[19:37] Red
    Are you trying to escape?!
[19:39] Red
    I have a mission to defeat you guys!
[19:42] Mr. Villain
    Just hold on.
[19:44] Mr. Villain
    I'm serious about the truce today.
[19:46] Mr. Villain
    I absolutely do not want to work.
[19:49] Mr. Villain
    But there's a bigger reason
    I can't throw down now.
[19:53] Mr. Villain
    I've got two cartons of eggs
     in this reusable bag.
[19:57] Red
    Eggs?!
[19:58] Mr. Villain
    I'm currently on a hot spring egg kick.
[20:01] Red
    Well...
[20:02] Red
    Hot spring eggs are delicious.
[20:05] Mr. Villain
    It's hard to make them properly.
[20:09] Mr. Villain
    I'm still practicing.
[20:10] Red
    Good luck with that.
[20:12] Mr. Villain
    Thank you.
[20:14] Mr. Villain
    Now then, I can't have
     my eggs getting broken.
[20:17] Mr. Villain
    Wait here for a spell.
[20:36] Red
    No sign of him.
[20:38] Red
    I wonder if he gave me the slip.
[20:40] Red
    No, he might come back with reinforcements.
[20:44] Red
    He's with the Evil League.
[20:47] Red
    I bet there's no low he wouldn't stoop to.
[20:50] Red
    But as the Red Ranger,
    I have to fight back fair and square.
[21:01] Mr. Villain
    Use this.
[21:04] Red
    A weapon?
[21:05] Mr. Villain
    This, too. You don't have to give it back.
[21:08] Mr. Villain
    Also, someone I know gave me
    more snacks than I can eat.
[21:12] Mr. Villain
    You take the rest.
[21:23] Mr. Villain
    As for the station, go straight ahead
    and turn left at the third light.
[21:27] Red
    Th-That's very kind. Thank you.
[21:30] Red
    How could he tell I was lost?!
[21:32] Red
    He's amazing!
[21:33] Red
    But still...
[21:35] Mr. Villain
    Huh?
[21:37] Red
    Y-You're really not going to fight?
[21:40] Mr. Villain
    Certainly not.
[21:45] Mr. Villain
    Today's my day off, after all.
SIGN    Mr. Villain's Day Off
[23:22] Mr. Villain
    A night when sighs turn
    into mist and dissolve.
[23:26] Mr. Villain
    The convenience store
    is a lonely spacecraft.
[23:31] Mr. Villain
    People impulsively yield themselves to the
    Chinese dumplings in the display case.
[23:39] Mr. Villain
    A warmth that spreads deep within.
[23:42] Mr. Villain
    There for an instant, then gone.
[23:45] Mr. Villain
    The fiends of winter.
SIGN    The Fiends of Winter