# E5 - The Karamatsu Incident / ESP Kitty
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR190GW16/the-karamatsu-incident--esp-kitty)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** The Karamatsu Incident
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[01:35] Oso**
I'm full.
**[01:36] Chibi**
You drank too much, you idjit.
**[01:38] Chibi**
You guys better have money
to pay for all this.
**[01:41] Choro**
We do.
**[01:41] Ichi**
We don't.
**[01:42] Chibi**
One of you said you don't, you idjits!
**[01:44] Chibi**
Damn it... Always putting
everything on your tab.
**[01:48] Chibi**
You spent quite a bit again today, y'know.
**[01:50] Chibi**
Go home already.
**[01:52] Jyu**
Yum! More oden, please!
**[01:55] Chibi**
Take your time, idjit.
**[02:06] Choro**
We fell asleep.
**[02:07] Choro**
Come on, guys. Let's head home.
**[02:12] Choro**
How much is it, Chibita?
**[02:16] Choro**
Oh?
**[02:17] Todo**
Thanks for the meal, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[02:19] Oso**
Why is it me?
**[02:20] Oso**
We're splitting this evenly!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
**[02:27] Oso**
Sorry, Chibita! Put it on our tab!
**[02:43] Chibi**
Hey, hold it right there!
**[02:45] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:47] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:53] Chibi**
You'll regret this, damn you!
**[03:07] Kara**
Huh?!
**[03:12] Chibi**
I see you're awake, idjit.
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
**[03:18] Chibi**
Soon it'll be high tide, and you'll be finished.
**[03:25] Chibi**
You're my hostage, you idjit.
**[03:27] Chibi**
You guys are gonna pay off
your tab with your ransom.
**[03:32] Kara**
Y-You're kidding, right, Chibita?
**[03:35] Chibi**
I'm dead serious, you idjit!
**[03:37] Kara**
Y-You really think you're
gonna get away with—
**[03:40] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:41] Kara**
That's hot!
**[03:42] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:43] ---**
Hot!
**[03:43] ---**
Take that!
**[03:44] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:45] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:45] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:49] Kara**
That's good.
**[03:50] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:51] Kara**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[03:57] Oso**
So noisy... What time do you think it is?
**[04:00] Oso**
It's only ten in the morning.
**[04:03] Oso**
Yeah?
**[04:04] Chibi**
* Listen up. I kidnapped*
* your brother, Karamatsu.*
**[04:08] Chibi**
*If you want him back—*
**[04:09] Oso**
You've got the wrong number.
**[04:15] Oso**
I'm going back to bed.
**[04:19] Jyu**
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hi-yah!
**[04:23] Jyu**
Yes, this is Jyushimatsu.
**[04:25] Choro**
Who answers the phone like that?
**[04:26] Jyu**
What?! Karamatsu-niisan's...
**[04:29] Jyu**
A youkai?!
**[04:30] Jyu**
What does that mean?!
**[04:32] Choro**
What?
**[04:33] Jyu**
Apparently Karamatsu-niisan's
been turned into a youkai.
**[04:36] Choro**
Huh?
**[04:37] Chibi**
*That's "kidnapped (yuukai)," you idjit!*
**[04:39] Jyu**
One more time, please.
**[04:44] Jyu**
Roger that.
**[04:45] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan is gonna die from
an enema in the ocean, apparently.
**[04:48] Choro**
Why is he getting an enema in the ocean?
**[04:51] Choro**
And how would someone die
from an enema (kanchou)?
**[04:53] Chibi**
*High tide (manchou)!*
**[04:55] Choro**
Hand it over. Hello?
**[04:57] Choro**
Is it true that our brother turned into a youkai
and will die from an enema in the ocean?
**[05:02] Choro**
That's not right at all?
**[05:04] Choro**
Oh, thank goodness.
**[05:06] Choro**
Huh? Yes.
**[05:09] Choro**
What?!
**[05:09] Jyu**
Huh?
**[05:13] Choro**
We're in trouble! Karamatsu's been kidnapped!
**[05:16] Choro**
What should we do?!
**[05:17] Oso/Todo**
Oh, no. What to do?
**[05:18] Choro**
Come on! Be a little worried!
Why are you so relaxed?
**[05:21] Choro**
Our brother's life is in danger!
**[05:23] Choro**
If we don't do something,
Karamatsu might die!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no...
**[05:28] Choro**
Stop dancing, Ichimatsu. Don't celebrate
your brother's disappearance.
**[05:31] Oso**
Even if he was kidnapped,
we don't have any money.
**[05:34] Oso**
I'm sure there's a ransom, right?
**[05:36] Choro**
One million, he said.
**[05:37] Oso**
So expensive!
**[05:38] Todo**
One million to get Karamatsu-niisan back?
**[05:41] Ichi**
Who's Karamatsu?
**[05:42] Choro**
Are you all demons?
**[05:44] Choro**
That's not that expensive for a ransom!
**[05:46] Todo**
You pay it, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:48] Oso**
What? Why me?
**[05:50] Todo**
You won at the horse races
the other day, didn't you?
**[05:53] Todo**
Did you think I didn't know?
**[05:54] Oso**
How do you know that?
**[05:56] Todo**
What?! You really did win?
**[05:58] Oso**
Hey! You tricked me!
**[06:00] Todo**
Aren't I good? All the *horsing around* pays off!
**[06:04] Choro**
Hey! Stop trying to lighten the
mood with your stupid conversation
**[06:05] Oso**
"Horsing around!" Good one!
**[06:08] Choro**
and think of a way to get that money!
**[06:10] Oso**
Oh, by the way, Ichimatsu.
**[06:12] Ichi**
Huh?
**[06:12] Oso**
I lent you some money
the other day, didn't I?
**[06:15] Oso**
Use that to pay the ransom.
**[06:16] Ichi**
Huh? B-But I've got money out on
loan to Jyushimatsu right now.
**[06:21] Jyu**
I've got some out on loan to Todomatsu.
**[06:23] Todo**
And mine's out on loan to Karamatsu-niisan.
**[06:26] Oso**
Then we just need to have
Karamatsu pay the ransom.
**[06:29] Choro**
What the hell?! He's the
one who's been kidnapped!
**[06:32] Todo**
There's nothing we can do about the
money. Let's talk to Mom about it.
**[06:36] Choro**
Mom! Perfect timing!
**[06:38] Choro**
We were just—
**[06:38] Mom**
Hello, my NEETs.
**[06:40] Mom**
I peeled some pears for you.
**[06:42] All**
Wow, pears!
**[06:46] Mom**
Our neighbors gave them to us. Eat up!
**[06:49] All**
Yay!
**[06:52] One**
So good!
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
***SIGN*** Pub
**[07:19] Chibi**
O-Order whatever you'd like.
**[07:22] Chibi**
Th-The sashimi here is great!
**[07:26] Chibi**
Want to get a sashimi boat?
**[07:31] Chibi**
Y-You know, they probably thought it was
a prank, and not an actual kidnapping.
**[07:37] Chibi**
Th-That's probably why they
didn't come to save you...
**[07:40] Chibi**
Man, I totally messed up.
**[07:42] Chibi**
I'm really a lousy actor.
**[07:55] Chibi**
What do you want to do? Want to go home?
**[08:00] Chibi**
I guess you probably can't, huh?
**[08:02] Chibi**
It'd be awkward, huh?
**[08:05] Chibi**
But seriously, the sashimi's
good. Aren't you hungry?
**[08:12] Chibi**
Damn it! Say something, you idjit!
**[08:14] Chibi**
It's awkward for me, too!
**[08:16] Chibi**
How was I supposed to know that,
when I kidnapped you,
**[08:18] Chibi**
your family wouldn't care at all?
**[08:26] Chibi**
I'm sorry! Seriously, I'm so sorry!
**[08:29] Kara**
I lost to pears!
**[08:31] Chibi**
Don't let it get to you!
**[08:32] Chibi**
No one can win over the lure
of having pears at home!
**[08:36] Chibi**
Karamatsu, this just means
you've gotta get revenge.
**[08:39] Chibi**
We're gonna teach those idiots a lesson!
**[08:42] Chibi**
We'll show them just how lonely
it'd be if one of you from
**[08:45] Chibi**
the ultimate group of siblings
actually disappeared.
**[08:47] Kara**
Chibita...
**[08:56] Kara**
Hey! You didn't say anything about this!
**[08:58] Kara**
Chibita, stop! Let me down!
**[09:01] Kara**
Hey! Listen to me!
**[09:02] Chibi**
Hey, you stupid brothers!
**[09:04] Chibi**
Do you really not care what happens
to Karamatsu? He's gonna die!
**[09:08] Kara**
I'm gonna die!
**[09:10] Chibi**
If you really love him,
then come save him, you idjits!
**[09:14] Kara**
Are you stupid?! You idiot!
**[09:15] Kara**
Let me down, you shrimp!
**[09:16] Kara**
Baldy! Die, you dumbass!
**[09:19] Chibi**
Oh, look! There they are!
**[09:21] Chibi**
Now defeat me and come save him, damn it!
**[09:25] Chibi**
Come at me!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[09:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "ESP Kitty"
**[10:05] Jyu**
Beg your pardon! Beg your pardon!
**[10:08] Ichi**
In this day and age?
**[10:09] Jyu**
Beg your pardon!
**[10:11] Deka**
Hello. Who might you be?
**[10:13] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu. Hello, Professor Dekapan.
**[10:16] Deka**
Well, hello.
**[10:23] Ichi**
Hi.
**[10:24] Deka**
Hello.
**[10:26] Jyu**
Discussion! There's something
we'd like to discuss with you!
**[10:28] Deka**
Oh?
**[10:31] Deka**
A medicine that would let you speak to cats?
**[10:34] Jyu**
Yeah. You got one?
**[10:36] Deka**
Sadly, no...
**[10:38] Jyu**
I see.
**[10:42] Deka**
And why would you need something like that?
**[10:45] Jyu**
My brother here, Ichimatsu-niisan,
doesn't have any friends.
**[10:49] Ichi**
It's not that I don't have any.
I just don't make any.
**[10:52] Jyu**
So I thought it'd be nice if
he could talk to that cat.
**[10:56] Ichi**
Meddlesome idiot.
**[10:58] Ichi**
You can't even talk to
people properly yourself.
**[11:01] Jyu**
You're one to talk.
**[11:03] Deka**
Come to think of it, I've got just the thing!
**[11:06] Deka**
Hmm, this is karintou... Ah...
**[11:08] Jyu**
Did you find it, Professor?
**[11:10] Deka**
That's odd...
**[11:12] Deka**
I could've sworn it was around here...
**[11:13] Deka**
Oh, I remember now!
**[11:16] Deka**
This is it.
**[11:17] Both**
It reeks!
**[11:18] Deka**
It's called Feelings Medicine.
**[11:21] Jyu**
Feel-good medicine?
**[11:22] Deka**
Feelings Medicine!
Stop with the risqué phrasing.
**[11:25] Jyu**
What's it do?
**[11:26] Deka**
You'll be able to tell how the other person
is really feeling at the moment.
**[11:31] Deka**
You'll be able to understand
what that kitty's feeling, too.
**[11:34] Jyu**
Sounds good! You should get
some, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:38] Ichi**
And I told you to stop meddl—
Ack! What are you doing?!
**[11:42] Deka**
What is it?
**[11:44] Deka**
What do you want to do? I want
to know how you really feel.
**[11:48] Ichi**
I-It's no— Ack! I said don't!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[11:56] Ichi**
M-Maybe I do wanna know...
**[12:00] Ichi**
What he's really feeling.
**[12:03] Deka**
All right, then. Stick out your bum.
**[12:05] Ichi**
Huh? Why my ass?
**[12:06] Deka**
Well, because this medicine...
**[12:09] Deka**
is administered via injection.
**[12:15] Ichi**
Let go of me! I'm going
to kill you, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:17] Jyu**
I've never heard you yell
so loud, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:21] Ichi**
You're scaring me! How can
you sound so unconcerned?!
**[12:24] Deka**
All right, here we go.
**[12:25] Ichi**
I can't do this!
**[12:26] Deka**
Come on, now. You're an adult.
**[12:28] Ich**
That's got nothing to do with this!
Shots are hell, no matter how old you are!
**[12:30] Deka**
This will hurt, so relax your muscles.
**[12:32] Ichi**
No!
**[12:42] Deka**
Oh, my.
**[12:44] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:48] All**
What?!
**[12:49] All**
A cat that can understand human feelings?!
**[12:53] Todo**
So he can tell if you're lying?
**[12:55] Dekka**
That is correct.
**[12:56] Dekka**
No matter how much you try to cover
it up, it's futile in the face of this kitty.
**[13:01] Deka**
Also, it seems like there was a side effect,
so he can now speak human language.
**[13:06] Oso**
What? He can speak?!
**[13:07] Deka**
Try it out.
**[13:09] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[13:10] Oso**
Me?
**[13:15] Oso**
Choromatsu is stylish.
**[13:18] Cat**
Choromatsu is super lame.
**[13:20] Oso**
That's amazing! He saw right through me!
**[13:22] Choro**
Forget him seeing right through you!
Is that what you really think?!
**[13:25] Todo**
Choromatsu is funny.
**[13:27] Cat**
Choromatsu is super boring.
**[13:28] Choro**
Hey...
**[13:29] Oso**
Choromatsu is smart.
**[13:31] Cat**
Choromatsu is super dumb.
**[13:32] Todo**
Choromatsu is popular.
**[13:34] Cat**
Choromatsu is a stupid virgin.
**[13:36] Todo**
That's awesome! Perfect!
**[13:39] Choro**
Bullying? Is this bullying?
**[13:41] Oso**
You're incredible!
**[13:43] Oso**
You're an ESP kitty!
**[13:46] Todo**
But I'm worried...
**[13:49] Todo**
Someone could use him for evil.
**[13:50] Todo**
Let's keep him here.
**[13:52] Cat**
This cat's gonna be worth some money.
**[13:54] Todo**
Th-There'd be trouble if the
press found out about him.
**[13:57] Cat**
There's always the circus.
**[13:59] Todo**
We have to take good care of
Ichimatsu-niisan's good friend.
**[14:02] Cat**
Get rich quick!
**[14:04] Choro**
You dried-up monster... Everything
you thought just came out.
**[14:08] Oso**
So I guess no one can lie in front of him.
**[14:12] Oso**
I've got a great idea!
**[14:14] Oso**
Let's take this cat to Totoko-chan.
**[14:16] Choro**
Why?
**[14:18] Oso**
We'll ask her which of us she likes the most.
**[14:20] Oso**
And then...
**[14:22] Choro**
We'll be able to find out
how she really feels!
**[14:24] Todo**
Good idea!
**[14:27] Oso**
Actually, let's not.
**[14:28] Choro**
Yeah, let's not.
**[14:30] Todo**
She might have someone else she likes...
**[14:31] Oso**
That was close...
**[14:33] Choro**
We would've crashed and burned.
**[14:34] Todo**
That vagueness will keep us sane.
**[14:38] Jyu**
Hey.
**[14:39] Jyu**
Why don't you talk to him?
**[14:44] Ichi**
I'll pass.
**[14:45] Jyu**
Why? It's fun.
**[14:47] Ichi**
No thanks. I'm not interested.
**[14:50] Jyu**
Here.
**[14:50] Ichi**
Hey! Stop meddling—
**[14:55] Oso**
He's being as cold as ever. I thought
at least the cat was his friend.
**[15:00] Todo**
Nah, Ichimatsu-niisan doesn't
know what friendship is.
**[15:05] Ichi**
Well, yeah. You don't need that to live.
**[15:09] Ichi**
I honestly don't know how you guys
adjust to others the way you do.
**[15:12] Ichi**
Friends? Comrades?
**[15:15] Ichi**
I'll never need either of those.
**[15:18] Cat**
I don't really feel that way, though.
**[15:22] Choro**
Huh? Who just said that?
**[15:26] Todo**
The cat.
**[15:27] Choro**
Which means that what Ichimatsu
just said is how he really feels...
**[15:32] Oso**
What? This cat can see how
people really feel, you know.
**[15:36] Oso**
You act like a loner, but you
actually want friends, don't you?
**[15:39] Ichi**
Th-That's not true... I don't want any.
**[15:42] Cat**
I do.
**[15:44] Ichi**
I told you I don't!
**[15:47] Ichi**
Why should I go through the effort
to have something like that?
**[15:51] Cat**
Why can't I make any friends?
**[15:56] Ichi**
W-Well, no one's really worth it.
**[16:00] Cat**
Well, actually, I'm not really worth that.
**[16:04] Ichi**
It's useless to try to get closer to others.
**[16:08] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to others.
**[16:12] Ichi**
It's a waste of effort.
**[16:13] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[16:15] Ichi**
Those guys would all betray me
without a second thought.
**[16:18] Cat**
I might not be able to live
up to their expectations.
**[16:20] Ichi**
Actually, who ever heard of
having a cat as a friend?
**[16:24] Cat**
Actually, it's easier to have a cat as a friend.
**[16:26] Ichi**
They don't understand what you say.
**[16:28] Cat**
That's why I won't get hurt.
**[16:29] Ichi**
Ugh, this is stupid!
**[16:31] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[16:32] Ichi**
I really don't need any friends!
**[16:34] Cat**
I really don't need any friends...
**[16:37] Cat**
Because I have all of you guys.
**[16:43] Ichi**
Shut up! You think you can
act like you know me?!
**[16:46] Choro**
No, Ichimatsu. The cat's just
saying how you really feel...
**[16:50] Ichi**
You're annoying me! Get lost!
**[16:54] Cat**
You're annoying me. Get lost.
**[17:02] Choro**
Ichimatsu... You...
**[17:13] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[17:15] Iyami**
You should all believe in me and vote for me!
***SIGN*** The Con Party Iyami
**[17:19] Iyami**
If I'm elected, all of your problems will be solved.
**[17:22] Cat**
Actually, I just want to use my title
and money to have babes fawn over me.
**[17:27] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:30] Iyamim**
Welcome!
**[17:32] Iyami**
Our products are good for you, good for
the environment, and completely organic.
**[17:38] Cat**
Though I have no idea what "organic" means.
**[17:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:44] Iyami**
I-I love you...
**[17:46] Cat**
At least until you let me do you.
**[17:47] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:51] Cat**
This would look perfect on you.
**[17:54] Cat**
You guys have no future.
**[17:57] Cat**
I'm amazed you actually believe me.
**[18:00] Iyami**
You keep blabbing unnecessary things!
**[18:03] Iyami**
Come back here!
**[18:16] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to people.
**[18:19] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[18:21] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[18:25] Ichi**
Pain in the ass.
**[19:08] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:10] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:11] Choro**
Stop that, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[19:14] Oso**
Can't find him anywhere.
Maybe he ran off somewhere far away,
**[19:18] Oso**
because someone said something
really mean to him.
**[19:21] Choro**
Hey.
**[19:26] Todo**
Should we let Chibita know, too?
You never know where he'll turn up.
**[19:31] Oso**
What do you want to do, Ichimatsu?
**[19:34] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[19:35] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan...
**[19:37] Ichi**
It's not like I was his owner.
**[19:40] Ichi**
It doesn't matter if he dies.
**[19:41] Choro**
Now, look...
**[19:44] Oso**
If you say you don't care, we won't look for him.
**[19:48] Oso**
Are you sure that's what you want?
**[19:50] Ichi**
Yeah...
**[19:51] Oso**
Okay. Let's go home, then.
**[19:58] Oso**
Hey, we're going home.
**[20:08] Oso**
Oh?
**[20:26] Ichi**
What? What the heck?!
**[20:34] Cat**
I'm sorry.
**[20:46] Ichi**
I'm sorry, too.
**[20:50] Cat**
I'm sorry, too.
**[21:07] Oso**
What the heck? Where were you?
**[21:10] Oso**
And why are you so dirty? Whoa, you stink!
**[21:13] Oso**
You smell like an old guy's behind!
**[21:14] Choro**
Uh, I can't say I've ever
smelled an old guy's behind.
**[21:18] Todo**
Man, I didn't know what we were
going to do when you disappeared.
**[21:21] Todo**
Thank goodness you came back.
**[21:23] Oso**
Nice job, Jyushimatsu!
We'll treat you to a public bath...
**[21:25] Oso**
Choromatsu will, that is.
**[21:27] Choro**
Why me?!
**[21:32] Todo**
Huh? Are you crying, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[21:34] Ichi**
I'm not.
**[21:35] Todo**
Are you actually crying?!
**[21:36] Ichi**
There's no way I'd cry.
**[21:45] Kara**
They're treating him completely differently!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:22] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[23:24] Iyami**
To all of you who thought it was Todomatsu's
turn to do this week's preview...
**[23:29] Iyami**
Well done. You can go take
a dump and go to bed now.
**[23:32] Iyami**
You've got hair coming out of your
nose. You stink behind the ears.
**[23:36] Iyami**
And... next week is what
you've all been waiting for!
**[23:39] Iyami**
It's an episode all about me!
**[23:41] Iyami**
I'm sure you all have nothing
better to do, so check it out!
***SIGN*** "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo" "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[23:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!