# E3.5 - Virgin Heroes
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675K4XNR/virgin-heroes)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Please place this episode somewhere between
episodes 4 and 5 and view it with an open mind!
**[02:00] Nar**
*For the sextuplets of the Akatsuka Fujio Group,*
**[02:02] Nar**
*F6, mornings start cool and early.*
**[02:12] Oso**
Today's finally the day.
**[02:14] Nar**
*Their iron-clad leader,*
**[02:16] Nar**
*"Refreshing Justice," Matsuno Osomatsu.*
**[02:27] Nar**
* The youngest with miraculous looks,*
* the cutie fairy, Matsuno Todomatsu.*
**[02:32] Ichi**
I'm heading out, Todo.
**[02:33] Todo**
'Kay.
**[02:38] Kara**
Hey.
**[02:40] Nar**
* Nailing any prey he's after in a single shot,*
* the carnivorous piece of meat,*
**[02:44] Nar**
*Matsuno Karamatsu.*
**[02:50] Jyu**
Are you just having coffee
for breakfast again, Choro?
**[02:54] Nar**
* The prince that slays ten thousand,*
* the sweet prince, Matsuno Jyushimatsu.*
**[03:01] Choro**
This bitterness clears my brain.
**[03:06] Nar**
* An associate professor at Harvard*
* University, the beautiful genius,*
**[03:09] Nar**
*Matsuno Choromatsu.*
**[03:14] Ichi**
All right, let's go...
**[03:16] Ichi**
To the stage known as today.
**[03:18] Nar**
* The charismatic centripetal force,*
* the mysteriously cool Matsuno Ichimatsu.*
**[03:27] Oso**
Guys, I'm sure you're aware...
**[03:31] Kara**
This will be the test of all that we are.
**[03:33] Choro**
I won't go easy on you guys.
**[03:35] Ichi**
Of course.
**[03:37] Jyu**
Let's go all-out!
**[03:39] Todo**
I'm ready!
**[03:42] Oso**
Ready...
**[03:44] Oso**
Go!
**[03:54] Kara**
The wind is crying.
**[04:02] Jyu**
The ocean lets me be honest.
***SIGN*** Cat Stories
**[04:16] Ichi**
What's wrong?
**[04:19] Ichi**
The world isn't so bad.
**[04:29] Oso**
What's the matter?
**[04:32] Oso**
Honey, look up.
**[04:38] Todo**
I can feel it! My soul is trembling!
**[04:48] Choro**
Is this... the truth?
**[05:09] Kara**
Choro!
**[05:10] Choro**
Kara!
**[05:19] Oso**
I'll make you dance with these lead kisses.
**[05:31] Todo**
I'll give you a taste of heaven.
**[05:39] Choro**
So the IMF wants to challenge my brain?
**[05:49] Toto**
Huh?
**[05:49] Oso**
It's from the gentleman over there.
**[05:54] Toto**
You idiot!
**[06:01] Ichi**
Are you satisfied?
**[06:04] Ju**
Totokiku, it's about time.
**[06:06] Toto**
Right.
**[06:14] Todo**
Smooch.
**[06:44] Oso**
Hup!
**[06:54] Oso**
We've heard your voices!
**[07:00] Kara**
But this isn't all there is to the bond
you all share with me, is it?!
**[07:04] Choro**
More power! More love!
**[07:07] Ichi**
You don't need to hold back!
**[07:09] Jyu**
All right! Who's going to be the
King of Hot Guys, the Top Men?
**[07:12] Todo**
Put your hearts into your voices! Tell me!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-kun!!
**[07:17] Oso**
Osomatsu Academy, F6:
**[07:20] Oso**
The Top Men popularity contest!
**[07:22] Oso**
The announcement of the winner is drawing near!
**[07:26] Oso**
All right, are you ready?
**[07:40] Oso**
Come here,
**[07:42] Oso**
my little kitten.
**[07:44] Kara**
Don't show your tears
**[07:45] Kara**
to anyone but me.
**[07:48] Choro**
I recently realized that I...
**[07:51] Choro**
I'm no good without you.
**[07:54] Ichi**
There's nothing I can do.
**[07:56] Ichi**
I love you much more
**[07:58] Ichi**
than you love yourself.
**[07:59] Jyu**
These are my feelings for you right now!
**[08:02] Jyu**
Love you!
**[08:03] Todo**
Hey... I know a café where we can
drink some delicious Earl Grey.
**[08:07] Todo**
Wanna come with me?
**[08:11] Ann**
And now,
**[08:13] Ann**
please cast your votes!
**[08:24] Oso**
As you can see, I'm quite used
to being this hot by now,
**[08:28] Oso**
but before, I was troubled by
my role as a gag character.
***SIGN*** Matsujiru
**[08:32] Oso**
That's when someone recommended
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru to me.
**[08:37] Oso**
Drinking Matsujiru every day
**[08:38] Oso**
made me into a hot guy who isn't
embarrassed to be seen anywhere.
***SIGN*** *This Is His Own Personal Opinion
**[08:42] Oso**
It's all because of Matsujiru!
**[08:45] Oso**
They've taken all the calcium,
vitamins, minerals, and enzymes,
**[08:48] Oso**
and done something to something-or-other
and ended up with something.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Seal
Matsujiru
**[08:52] Oso**
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru.
**[08:54] Oso**
Order now, and you can get twelve
servings for only 129,600 yen!
***SIGN*** 129,600 Yen (Tax Included)
**[08:59] Oso**
Don't you want to be a hot guy, too?
**[09:01] Oso**
Call right now!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Virgin Heroes"
**[09:13] Choro**
I totally bought this, even though I'm broke.
**[09:17] Choro**
But that doesn't matter.
**[09:20] Choro**
I'm way too happy.
**[09:26] Choro**
Wow, those are people
who have true happiness.
**[09:32] Choro**
I'll take a different way home.
**[09:35] Oso**
Halt, young man! There's no reason
to choose a different path!
**[09:38] Choro**
Huh? What?
***SIGN*** O
**[09:41] Oso**
I'll photobomb your selfie completely naked!
**[09:44] Oso**
Cherry Osomatsu!
**[09:46] Kara**
Even when dealing with grade-schoolers,
I get nervous if they're girls.
***SIGN*** Ka
**[09:49] Kara**
Cherry Karamatsu!
**[09:50] Jyu**
Shibuya's scary!
***SIGN*** Jyu
**[09:52] Jyu**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
***SIGN*** Ichi
**[09:56] Ichi**
I'll kill you.
**[09:57] Ichi**
Cherry Ichimatsu.
**[09:59] Todo**
*Girugame*, come back!
***SIGN*** To
**[10:01] Todo**
Cherry Todomatsu!
**[10:03] Oso**
We'll take all the world's happiness
**[10:04] Oso**
and erase it!
**[10:06] All**
The Virgin Vigilante Corps!
Cherry Brothers!
***SIGN*** The Virgin Vigilante Corps
***SIGN*** Cherry Brothers
**[10:12] Oso**
Young man, now that we're here...
**[10:15] Oso**
Uh, hey!
**[10:17] Oso**
Why are you running away?
You called for help!
**[10:19] Choro**
I didn't.
**[10:20] Ichi**
You just want us to tear those
college kids apart, right?
**[10:23] Choro**
Please move.
**[10:24] Todo**
You can't fool us! Your eyes...
You're definitely one of us!
**[10:28] Choro**
You're pissing me off.
**[10:30] Choro**
What's with you people, anyway?
**[10:32] Oso**
Huh? We're heroes.
**[10:33] Choro**
What kind?
**[10:34] Kara**
Allow me to explain.
**[10:37] Kara**
Young man! This whole world is a caste system!
***SIGN*** Cherry Karamatsu's Easy-to-Understand
Society Caste Lecture
***SIGN*** Awesome
***SIGN*** Not Awesome
**[10:40] Kara**
Only a mere few are truly awesome.
**[10:42] Kara**
People say that you need to
work hard to get to the top.
**[10:44] Kara**
However!
**[10:45] Kara**
We believe that if you can work hard
at all, you're already up here.
**[10:49] Choro**
What kind of lesson is this?
**[10:51] Kara**
And this is where we are.
**[10:56] Kara**
The Dark Demon World's Shitty
Hell of Darkness caste.
**[10:59] Choro**
Just how low is that?!
**[11:00] Kara**
Probably around here.
**[11:01] Choro**
That's too low!
**[11:02] Kara**
By the way, to get from here to up here,
you need about three lifetimes.
**[11:06] Choro**
About 200 years?! That's never gonna happen!
**[11:08] Kara**
Yes. It's never going to happen!
**[11:10] Kara**
So rather than climbing up,
**[11:12] Kara**
we take slight pleasure in dragging
those above us down a bit.
**[11:16] Five**
That's the kind of heroes we are!
**[11:17] Choro**
Uh, what kind of heroes?
You're just a shady group!
**[11:21] Todo**
There's trouble!
**[11:22] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[11:23] Todo**
The enemy has finally started their barbecue!
**[11:26] Oso**
What?!
**[11:31] Jyu**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[11:32] Jyu**
It's too bright!
**[11:34] Oso**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
**[11:40] Oso**
He's dead.
**[11:41] Choro**
Why?! You die from looking at barbecues?!
**[11:43] Choro**
What kind of logic is that?!
**[11:45] Oso**
You idiot! Why did you look
directly at that blissful sight?
**[11:48] Kara**
It's just too intense for us, the Cherries!
**[11:51] Choro**
So you can't look at barbecues
with the naked eye...
**[11:53] Oso**
Damn it! We have to get our revenge!
**[11:57] Oso**
Let's go! Let's show them the power of virgins!
**[11:59] Choro**
Seriously, what?
**[12:02] Oso**
Take this!
**[12:03] Oso**
Water Jumping Stone!
**[12:06] Choro**
Er, you're just skipping stones!
**[12:08] Choro**
Is that all virgins can do?!
Well... Yeah, that's about right.
**[12:13] Oso**
It didn't reach! One more time!
**[12:15] Kara**
It's no use! There are no good stones!
**[12:17] Todo**
We're out of options!
**[12:20] Choro**
I'm going home. I'm going home
to watch all the anime I DVRed.
**[12:24] Iichi**
I-It can't be...
**[12:26] Todo**
What's the matter, Cherry Ichimatsu?
**[12:28] Ichi**
Look over there!
**[12:31] Todo**
Th-They're... They're off on their own!
**[12:34] Oso**
Don't look! You'll just be following in
the footsteps of Cherry Brother #5!
**[12:35] Choro**
Uh, hey!
**[12:39] Oso**
Oh, no... Cherry Ichimatsu is...
**[12:43] Ichi**
Even though they willingly
participated in the barbecue...
**[12:46] Ichi**
"I'm not used to these things."
**[12:48] Ichi**
"Oh, really? I'm not, either."
**[12:51] Ichi**
Is the contradictory conversation
they're having right now!
**[12:54] Ichi**
It's completely unforgivable!
**[12:59] Choro**
What the? What the hell is that?!
**[13:10] Choro**
What is that?
**[13:11] Oso**
That's the mythical beast that eats
all those who are truly happy!
**[13:15] Oso**
The Normie Eater Ichigeruge!
***SIGN*** Normie Eater Ichigeruge
**[13:17] Choro**
What the hell is that?!
**[13:22] Nar**
* Oh, no! One of the members of the Cherry*
* Brothers has turned into a monster!*
**[13:26] Nar**
*What will they do? What will happen?!*
**[13:28] Nar**
*The conclusion after this commercial break!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[13:32] Nar**
*Water Jumping Stone!*
**[13:35] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[13:37] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[13:39] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[13:43] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[13:46] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[13:49] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
**[13:53] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater Pajamas!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[14:03] Nar**
*In their battle to the death with college
kids having a barbecue by the river,*
***SIGN*** Please stay a safe distance from reality when watching "Virgin Vigilante Corps"!!
**[14:07] Nnar**
*Cherry Ichimatsu turned into a monster.*
**[14:10] Nar**
*However...*
**[14:12] Nar**
*By giving Cherry Ichimatsu a cat,*
**[14:15] Nar**
* the Cherry Brothers were able*
* to quell the darkness within him!*
**[14:19] Choro**
Just how much does he like cats?
**[14:22] Oso**
Damn it! Look what happened to Cherry
Brother #4 and Cherry Brother #5...
**[14:25] Oso**
What can we do?!
**[14:26] Choro**
You could probably go home.
**[14:28] Todo**
Cherry Brother #1, I have a good idea.
**[14:31] Todo**
Look over there!
**[14:33] Todo**
There's a good, flat stone over there!
**[14:36] Choro**
That's enough Water Jumping Stone!
I've actually learned the name!
**[14:39] Oso**
But if it's over there, we can't use it.
**[14:42] Todo**
I'll go get it.
**[14:43] Kara**
What are you saying, Cherry?
**[14:45] Oso**
If you go over to that sparkling bunch alone...
**[14:48] Oso**
You saw what happened to these two!
**[14:51] Todo**
It's okay if I die.
**[14:54] Both**
Wha—
**[14:55] Todo**
Because I'm...
**[14:57] Todo**
one of the Cherry Brothers!
**[15:00] Choro**
Uh... He is just going to pick up a stone, right?
**[15:03] Todo**
Ah... The memories.
**[15:06] Todo**
I joined the Cherry Brothers five years ago.
**[15:08] Todo**
I went to rent one of *those* kinds of
DVDs in the middle of the night—
**[15:11] Choro**
Really, we don't need a flashback!
No one cares about your backstory!
**[15:28] Todo**
It's so good! So this is what a
toasted marshmallow tastes like!
**[15:33] Girl**
You're so funny!
**[15:35] Choro**
Wow, he totally just betrayed you guys,
didn't he? He is that kind of guy...
**[15:39] Kara**
I'm gonna go kill him.
**[15:40] Oso**
Please.
**[15:41] Choro**
Whoa, you're scaring me! Don't do it!
**[15:43] Choro**
No gory scenes!
**[15:49] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:51] Choro**
He's coming back.
**[15:52] Oso**
Wh-What's wrong, Cherry?
**[15:56] Oso**
Hey.
**[15:57] Kara**
Th-They invited us over...
**[16:00] Kara**
They asked if we wanted to
join the barbecue with them.
**[16:04] Oso**
Huh?!
**[16:06] Choro**
It ripped!
**[16:08] Ooso**
Impossible!
**[16:09] Ooso**
Those people above the clouds are asking
us sewer dwellers to come eat with them?!
**[16:14] Choro**
And now you're deprecating yourself.
**[16:15] Oso**
Inconceivable! It must be a trap!
**[16:17] Todo**
Come on, what are you doing? Hurry on over!
**[16:21] Oso**
Cherry Todomatsu, you bastard!
**[16:24] Todo**
Come on, stop that.
**[16:25] Todo**
The club has a shared house on campus.
**[16:28] Oso**
He's already acting like a college student!
**[16:30] Choro**
I don't even have a clue what he said.
**[16:32] Todo**
Come on, it's okay. They're all nice people.
**[16:37] Ichi**
Nice... people?
**[16:41] Todo**
And it's a lot of fun!
**[16:44] Ichi**
Fun...?
**[16:48] Choro**
Hey, that monster just
learned how to speak human.
**[16:51] Oso**
W-Was there anyone wearing perfume?
**[16:54] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:55] Oso**
How about someone with a tattoo?
**[16:56] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:57] Oso**
Anyone with jewels on their nipples?
**[16:59] Choro**
Of course not! Just how are
you imagining these people?!
**[17:02] Todo**
Come on, let's go.
**[17:03] Oso**
No, I cannot.
**[17:05] Todo**
What?
**[17:06] Oso**
I'm... We're...
**[17:09] Oso**
The Japanese Anti-Flirting
Squad, Student Fucking!
**[17:12] Choro**
Was that really your name?!
**[17:14] Oso**
No matter the temptation,
we cannot escape our destiny!
**[17:18] Todo**
Oh, okay. That's fine.
**[17:20] Todo**
Let's go, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[17:22] Choro**
And you finally forgot the setting and
outright called him "Karamatsu-niisan."
**[17:25] Ichi**
Wait...
**[17:29] Ichi**
I'll go, too...
**[17:31] Todo**
Really?!
**[17:32] Oso**
Hey, what are you saying, monster?!
**[17:34] Ichi**
Want... barbecue... want... meet people...
**[17:49] Choro**
Now what?!
**[17:51] Choro**
Huh? What is this?!
**[17:53] Kara**
That's... the legendary virgin form that only
the most warped virgins can reach...
***SIGN*** Sealed
**[18:00] Kara**
The "I've Finally Admitted
to Just Being Jealous God."
***SIGN*** Virgin God
***SIGN*** I've Finally Admitted to Just Being Jealous God
**[18:03] Choro**
You can become a god because of that?!
**[18:06] Chi**
Cherry Osomatsu...
**[18:09] Ichi**
Do not fear the barbecue.
**[18:12] Ichi**
It is only an event in which
they grill meat and vegetables.
**[18:16] Kara**
Such a simple explanation!
**[18:18] Todo**
He's so accepting!
**[18:20] Choro**
Are you guys stupid?
**[18:21] Oso**
I can't!
**[18:23] Oso**
You say that, but a girl's reaction
will be totally different
**[18:26] Oso**
when some hot guy talks to
her and when I talk to her!
**[18:30] Todo**
Ah, yeah. Definitely.
**[18:32] Kara**
That gap is brutal.
**[18:34] Ichi**
Are you still saying that, you fools?!
**[18:40] Ichi**
Look with hopeful eyes,
**[18:44] Ichi**
and...
**[18:46] Ichi**
Look between your legs!
**[18:57] Ich**
That's just from the slight possibility that
you might be able to befriend them.
**[19:01] Ichi**
So stop your complaining!
**[19:03] All**
We're sorry!
**[19:06] Ichi**
There is nothing for virgins to protect.
**[19:08] Ichi**
Let us go.
**[19:10] Ichi**
Let us party with some sexy college students!
**[19:14] All**
Wahoo!
**[19:19] Nar**
*And so, the Cherry Brothers and Choromatsu*
**[19:21] Nar**
*took their first step to losing their virginity.*
**[19:25] Nar**
*And they lived happily ever after!*
**[19:28] Nar**
*Next week,*
**[19:29] Nar**
*"The Girl We Got Close To Is a
Multi-Talented Charisma!" Look forward to it!*
***SIGN*** End
**[21:05] Guy**
*Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
**[21:09] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[21:10] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[21:12] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[21:16] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[21:19] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[21:22] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[21:27] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater ashtrays!*