# E25 - Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR2PE037R/osomatsu-san-such-as-it-was)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Choro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[00:04] Choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[00:06] Todo**
*It's probably better*
**[00:07] Todo**
*if we're not together.*
**[00:09] Kara**
*At this rate, we sextuplets will be ruined.*
**[00:12] Mom**
*Osomatsu.*
**[00:14] Mom**
*There's a letter for you.*
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was"
**[01:55] Choro**
Huh? Huh?!
**[01:57] Choro**
Why?!
**[01:58] Choro**
Why did it catch on fire?!
**[01:59] Choro**
After I went to the trouble of writing it!
**[02:03] Choro**
But just in case something like this
happened, I actually wrote another...
**[02:08] Oso**
Y-You're kidding me...
**[02:13] Oso**
We've...
**[02:15] Oso**
been selected...
**[02:17] Oso**
for the invitational!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:21] Oso**
Hey, guys! You won't believe it!
**[02:23] Oso**
We've been selected for the invitational!
**[02:25] Todo**
The invitational?!
**[02:26] Oso**
Hurry up and come home!
We need to get ready for the match!
**[02:29] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[02:29] Oso**
This is no time to be selfish
**[02:31] Oso**
and talk about things like being
independent and getting a job!
**[02:33] Jyu**
True!
**[02:34] Oso**
I mean, it's the invitational!
**[02:35] Ichi**
Yeah!
**[02:36] Oso**
Now's the time to put
our strengths together!
**[02:38] Choro**
You're right!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:42] Todo**
It's true!
**[02:43] Kara**
To think we...
**[02:45] Jyu**
...were picked for the invitational!
**[02:47] Choro**
Could there possibly be anything better?
**[02:51] Choro**
Oh, it caught fire.
**[02:52] Mom**
Good for you! To think you were
chosen for the invitational...
**[02:56] Dad**
Invitational?
**[02:58] Dad**
What invitational?
**[03:00] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:02] Dad**
Also, Choromatsu, why aren't you at work?
**[03:04] Choro**
I turned in my resignation and quit.
**[03:06] Choro**
What?! You... What?!
**[03:12] Mom**
Honey, this isn't the time to
be saying such silly things.
**[03:16] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:17] Oso**
All right, you guys!
**[03:18] Oso**
This is our chance to graduate from
being shitty NEETs! We have to win!
**[03:22] Five**
Yeah!
**[03:23] Oso**
Victory in the invitational is ours!
**[03:26] All**
Yeah!
**[03:28] Choro**
Invitational! Invitational!
**[03:33] Dad**
Wh-What is this?
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational Match-up Drawings
**[03:35] Host**
We will now draw the match-ups for the
88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
**[03:43] Dad**
Huh? The invitational what?
**[03:45] Mom**
Shh!
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[03:50] Dad**
*The invitational* what*?!*
**[03:54] Jyu**
This is so exciting!
**[03:55] Choro**
It gets your ass hair burning.
**[03:57] Todo**
Hey, if you guys win, what prize
are you going to ask for?
**[03:59] Choro**
Huh? You're already going there, Totty?
**[04:02] Choro**
You're actually asking?
**[04:03] Oso**
I'm going to ask for permanent residence
in pachinko parlors and horse race tracks.
**[04:07] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:09] Choro**
I'm going to ask for a magical
staff that can stop a girl's time.
**[04:12] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:14] Todo**
I'll get Prestige to use me in a film.
**[04:16] Five**
Nice!
**[04:17] Ichi**
I'll get a species change
operation to become a cat.
**[04:19] Five**
Nice!
**[04:20] Kara**
I'm going to have a solo
concert at the Budokan.
**[04:22] Ichi**
Nice!
**[04:26] Ichi**
Damn it!
**[04:28] Oso**
Anyway, the only choice we have is to win.
**[04:30] Oso**
Let's seriously do our best!
**[04:31] All**
Yeah!
**[04:33] Dad**
W-Well, they're trying to do their
best, so I guess it's fine.
**[04:37] Guy**
Next, the 21st century Matsuno family.
**[04:40] Oso**
Y'ere!
**[04:42] Choro**
Calm down.
**[04:54] Guy**
The Matsuno Family has drawn the snake.
**[04:57] Guy**
The snake will be the third match on
the fourth day of the tournament.
***SIGN*** Koushien
***SIGN*** Black Factory Academy Dogface High School
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation Matsuno Family
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile Chinese Kenpo High School Robot Tech High School
**[05:20] Dad**
H-Hey, dear... Why do they have guns?
**[05:22] Mom**
Shh!
**[05:24] Guy**
And now for the athletes' pledge.
**[05:37] Dad**
What?
**[05:45] Hiji**
Hey! Cut it out!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
**[05:48] Hiji**
What are you saying? I can't
understand you, you idiot!
**[05:51] Hiji**
Let's go!
**[05:57] Dad**
Huh?
**[05:58] Dad**
Huh?!
**[06:01] Guy**
We've reached the fourth day of the 88th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[06:08] Guy**
The third match will be Musashi
Ironworks versus the Matsuno Family.
**[06:11] Guy**
They'll begin play momentarily.
**[06:13] Both**
Let's play!
***SIGN*** Pitcher
Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Catcher
Choromatsu
***SIGN*** First Base
Jyushimatsu
**[06:20] Jyu**
Baseball! Baseball!
***SIGN*** Second Base
Ichimatsu
**[06:22] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow.
***SIGN*** Third Base
Karamatsu
**[06:25] Kara**
I guess I'll have to play for real.
**[06:31] Kara**
Right here, Jyushimatsu!
**[06:33] Kara**
Ah! Mistake!
***SIGN*** Shortstop
Todomatsu
**[06:36] Todo**
Whoopsie.
***SIGN*** Left Field
Matsuyo
**[06:39] Mom**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Center Field
Matsuzou
**[06:40] Dad**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Right Field
Nobody
**[06:44] Toto**
We came to cheer you on!
**[06:46] Toto**
You can do it, you pieces of trash!
**[06:48] Nya**
Win, nya!
**[06:51] Chibi**
If you win, I'll clear your tab!
**[06:55] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:59] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:01] Oso**
Everyone! This is the do-or-die moment!
**[07:03] Oso**
Even though we've only ever lost before...
**[07:07] Oso**
If we win this invitational,
I think it'll make up for all that.
**[07:11] Oso**
I think all of our fail up
to now will just vaporize!
**[07:15] Oso**
So let's win this thing!
**[07:24] Oso**
Hey, where's your reaction?!
**[07:26] Guy**
And now, the third match of the day begins!
**[07:30] Ump**
Play!
***SIGN*** Fujita Gas
**[07:39] Oso**
Man, nobody else is into this. I guess
I'll have to pull all of our weight.
**[07:46] Oso**
*I'll show everyone my pitching...*
**[07:49] Oso**
*For my sake, as well as my brothers'...*
**[07:51] Oso**
*I'll bet everything on this throw.*
**[07:54] Choro**
Uh, this is the opening pitch.
**[07:56] Choro**
Why are you all worked up?
Just throw the damn thing.
**[07:59] Oso**
*Thinking back...*
**[08:00] Choro**
Stop thinking back! It's the opening pitch!
**[08:02] Oso**
*Yes, for our victory at this invitational,*
**[08:05] Oso**
*we've been through so much.*
**[08:07] Choro**
None of that happened.
**[08:09] Choro**
That's slightly off. What the hell?
**[08:11] Choro**
That never happened!
**[08:13] Choro**
Neither did that!
***SIGN*** All of the pitches!
**[08:15] Choro**
Didn't happen!
**[08:16] Choro**
Well, that happened, but still!
**[08:18] Oso**
* Yes, now is the time to put all those*
* feelings into this ball, Osomatsu!*
**[08:25] Choro**
Just throw it already.
You're pissing me off.
**[08:28] Oso**
Here goes!
**[08:36] Choro**
Just throw the damn ball, dumbass!
**[08:38] Oso**
Hi-yah!
**[08:39] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:40] Oso**
Che-yah!
**[08:41] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:41] Oso**
And there!
**[08:42] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:43] Oso**
Ow!
**[08:44] Ump**
Ball. Four balls.
**[08:46] Guy**
Oh, my! Four straight balls,
right from the start!
**[08:49] Oso**
Whew, that ump sure is tough.
**[08:55] Toto**
What are you doing, you damn virgin?!
**[09:02] Todo**
Man, we can't count on
him to handle anything.
**[09:05] Ichi**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:07] Kara**
I guess it's my turn now.
**[09:09] Choro**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:10] Kara**
Uh, I said...
**[09:11] Todo**
Hmm...
**[09:12] Todo**
We have no choice. Since he loves baseball,
we'll have Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[09:17] Jyu**
Baseballman!
**[09:19] Todo**
What the hell?!
**[09:21] Jyu**
Boeh! Boeh!
**[09:22] Jyu**
I'll kill you with baseball!
**[09:25] Ichi**
There, there, there...
**[09:26] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
**[09:27] Choro**
He loves baseball, but it's his first match.
**[09:31] Choro**
He's so thrilled, he went all crazy.
**[09:34] Todo**
This is way too crazy!
**[09:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[09:36] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu!
**[09:37] Kara**
Well, no choice now.
**[09:39] Kara**
I'll just have to be the pitcher...
**[09:41] Choro**
I'll do it.
**[09:42] Todo**
Thanks.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[09:44] Guy**
And the Matsuno Family is
changing pitchers already.
**[09:48] Kara**
Brother, let's go over the signals.
**[09:52] Kara**
This means a fastball.
**[09:54] Kara**
This means a curveball.
**[09:57] Kara**
This means a forkball. Understand?
**[09:59] Choro**
Nope.
**[10:01] Ump**
Play!
**[10:04] Choro**
What signal is that?!
You didn't mention that one!
**[10:08] Kara**
Brother, throw it inside!
**[10:09] Choro**
Don't tell me, idiot!
**[10:11] Oso**
Hey, pitcher. Hey.
**[10:14] Oso**
Hurry up and throw it.
**[10:16] Oso**
It's only your first pitch. Are you scared?
**[10:19] Choro**
*Whose team are you on?!*
**[10:21] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, focus! Ignore him!
**[10:24] Choro**
Right.
**[10:25] Toto**
You can do it, Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:27] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[10:28] Todo**
Fappymatsu! Focus!
**[10:30] Nya**
Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:32] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
**[10:33] Todo**
Fappymatsu!
**[10:34] Both**
Fight!
**[10:37] Todo**
Chorofappyski!
**[10:38] Ichi**
Fappy bastard! You fappy bastard!
**[10:45] Choro**
Man, I can't deal with this.
**[10:48] Oso**
I know. They have no teamwork.
**[10:49] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:51] Choro**
You said it.
**[10:52] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
Why are we brothers like this?
**[10:55] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:56] Kara**
Okay, brother.
**[10:58] Kara**
Given what's happened to the
oldest and third-oldest,
**[11:00] Kara**
I, the second-oldest, will be pitcher—
**[11:02] Guy**
And they've changed again.
This game is going nowhere.
**[11:05] Guy**
Give it a rest!
**[11:07] Both**
Yeah! Four balls!
**[11:09] Both**
Bean ball!
**[11:10] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:10] Todo**
I wish they'd just die.
**[11:13] Todo**
Once again, I'm the only decent one here.
**[11:13] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:16] Todo**
There!
**[11:17] Both**
Are you a girl?!
**[11:19] Todo**
Yay! It's coming to you, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:21] Guy**
This could be a double play!
**[11:23] Chibi**
Yes!
**[11:24] Choro**
Blow it!
**[11:25] Oso**
Blow it!
**[11:27] Guy**
Four!
**[11:28] Guy**
Six!
**[11:29] Guy**
Three, and...
**[11:37] Guy**
Home run!
**[11:41] Guy**
First baseman Jyushimatsu has actually
completed a 4-6-3 home run!
**[11:46] Jyu**
I did it!
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[11:49] Guy**
It's the top of the first,
and Musa Iron leads by three runs!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Yay! Yay!
**[11:54] Todo**
Doesn't he know the rules of baseball?
**[11:54] Jyu**
I did it! I did it!
**[11:57] Ichi**
Okay, I'm going home.
**[11:57] Jyu**
Bravo! Bravo!
**[12:00] All**
Shortstop!
**[12:02] All**
Don't take a break, Todomatsu!
**[12:05] All**
Second base!
**[12:07] All**
Don't give up, Karamatsu!
**[12:11] All**
Hey!
**[12:30] Kara**
I see.
**[12:32] Kara**
Okay, someone take over—
**[12:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[12:37] Jyu**
Baseball is so fun!
**[12:51] Dad**
Dear, they're no good after all.
**[12:53] Dad**
Let's have some new kids.
**[12:55] Mom**
Yeah, let's.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[12:58] Ump**
Game, set!
**[13:00] Ump**
The Matsuno Family loses as the game
is called in the top of the first.
**[13:12] Todo**
Damn... So this is an invitational...
**[13:14] Kara**
If not for that sea breeze...
**[13:16] Jyu**
I guess there are some real
monsters at invitationals...
**[13:21] Oso**
*And so, our invitational match ended.*
**[13:26] Oso**
*And then...*
***SIGN*** One Year Later
**[13:31] Oso**
Everyone, let's believe in our own strength.
**[13:34] All**
Yeah!
**[13:35] Oso**
* After lots of such-and-such and*
* so-and-so, we came back much stronger!*
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[13:43] Guy**
Hey! Our number 4!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
Chinese Kenpo High School
**[13:44] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[13:48] Guy**
Whoa!
**[13:49] Guy**
Hey! Our ace!
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation
Matsuno Family
**[13:50] Hata**
That's too big a lead-off, jo!
**[13:53] Ichi**
Hm? What's wrong?
**[13:55] Todo**
Are you all right?
***SIGN*** Robot Tech High School
Matsuno Family
**[13:59] Toto**
The hell you doing, dumbass?!
**[14:04] Ump**
S-Safe.
**[14:05] Both**
You're so cute!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
Matsuno Family
**[14:07] Iyami**
This is my chance to hit
a walk-off home run!
**[14:10] Iyami**
Taste me French-style hit!
**[14:14] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[14:15] Hiji**
Ha! Idiot!
**[14:17] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[14:18] Hiji**
What the hell?!
**[14:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Yokohama High School
**[14:24] Guy**
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
***SIGN*** Sendai Ikue Matsuno Family
**[14:27] Choro**
Hey.
***SIGN*** BL Academy Matsuno Family
**[14:34] Oso**
* And so, with these ingenious*
* plans, we kept winning,*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
**[14:38] Oso**
and finally made it to the final round of
the Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** 89th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[14:43] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
**[14:45] All**
Muscle! Muscle!
**[14:47] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[14:55] Oso**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:56] Choro**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:58] Kara**
We managed to get this
strong because of you.
**[15:02] Jyu**
I wanted you to see us play in the final...
**[15:05] Ichi**
I'm sorry, everyone!
**[15:07] Ichi**
If... If only I hadn't done
that, Coachmatsu would...
**[15:10] Todo**
Don't talk like that now, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:12] Todo**
It was an accident! An accident, okay?
**[15:15] Chibi**
The hell? Crying won't
bring Coachmatsu back.
**[15:19] Iyami**
Our only option is to win.
**[15:21] Toto**
We have to psych ourselves up!
**[15:23] Hata**
We have to win, jo.
**[15:27] Oso**
Okay, that's enough sentimentality.
**[15:30] ---**
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[15:32] All**
Sheeeh!
**[15:36] Ichi**
Man, every single one of
us really is just trash.
**[15:39] Jyu**
But if we're together...
**[15:40] Kara**
We can win.
**[15:42] Todo**
You think so?
**[15:43] Choro**
Who knows?
**[15:45] Oso**
Well, we have no choice but to go for it.
**[15:52] Oso**
*The final round...*
**[15:53] Oso**
*For better or for worse, this is the end.*
**[16:01] Guy**
And now, in the final round of the 89th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament,
**[16:06] Guy**
it's the Matsuno Family versus the
**[16:07] Guy**
Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School.
**[16:08] Guy**
We've reached the critical moment,
the bottom of the ninth.
**[16:22] All**
Chibita!
**[16:27] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[16:29] Chibi**
R-Run for it... you idjits...
**[16:34] All**
Chibita!
**[16:36] Guy**
And he's basically dead.
**[16:37] Guy**
Fourth Galaxy U Affiliated's
power is overwhelming.
**[16:40] Guy**
This is what we know as galactic baseball.
**[16:42] Guy**
There's nothing the Matsuno Family can do!
**[16:45] Toto**
I-Is this the en—
**[16:55] Oso**
D-Damn it! So this is the
wall of the invitationals?
**[17:00] Choro**
Iyami!
**[17:02] Iyami**
There's no defying an enemy we can't beat.
**[17:04] Iyami**
Bye-bye, sextuplets!
**[17:09] All**
Iyami!
**[17:13] All**
Iyami?!
**[17:14] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:23] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:33] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[17:35] Ump**
And that's two outs. They're out of chances.
**[17:39] Choro**
E-Even Iyami...
**[17:41] Ichi**
I guess there's no way we can win after all.
**[17:44] Todo**
No! It's not over yet!
**[17:46] Todo**
We still have a chance! Have faith!
**[17:52] Jyu**
But we've already...
**[17:54] Todo**
Don't give up so easily!
**[17:56] Todo**
It's the invitational! The final round!
**[17:58] Todo**
We expected this much!
**[18:00] Todo**
Here!
**[18:02] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan, I don't
want to say this, but...
**[18:07] Todo**
As the oldest, you have
to sacrifice yourself!
**[18:09] Oso**
What?!
**[18:10] Todo**
You're the oldest!
**[18:11] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:12] Todo**
No, seriously!
**[18:13] Oso**
You—
**[18:13] Todo**
No, seriously, seriously, seriously!
**[18:15] Todo**
I mean it! Times like this
are what the oldest is for!
**[18:18] Kara**
That's true.
**[18:18] Ichi**
He has a point.
**[18:19] Choro**
You are the oldest.
**[18:20] Jyu**
Yeah, for times like this.
**[18:22] Oso**
You guys are seriously the worst!
**[18:24] Oso**
All five of you are the enemy!
**[18:25] Oso**
Die! Just die!
**[18:27] Choro**
Hey, look at that!
**[18:29] All**
Oh! Is that...
**[18:33] All**
Is it finally here?!
**[18:36] Deka**
Sorry for the wait.
**[18:37] Deka**
With this power we've attained through
overflowing jealousy and lust...
**[18:41] Dayon**
We'll kill them all.
**[18:49] All**
R-Run!
**[18:52] Toto**
Hold it!
**[18:55] All**
T-Totoko-chan!
**[18:58] Toto**
Don't you run away,
**[18:59] Toto**
you shitty, stupid, NEET trash v*****
Fappyski brothers with tiny ****s!
**[19:02] All**
B-But...
**[19:04] Toto**
You can still do it!
**[19:05] Toto**
After all... After all,
if you win this match...
**[19:11] Toto**
I'll grant you the right to **** Totoko!
**[19:23] All**
All right!
**[20:07] Toto**
Go, you shitty NEETS!
**[20:22] Oso**
*I... I wanna do you!*
**[20:24] Kara**
*Let me do you!*
**[20:26] Choro**
*I don't wanna be a virgin anymore!*
**[20:29] Ichi**
*I'd be satisfied with just looking!*
**[20:31] Jyu**
*Boobies!*
**[20:32] Todo**
*No! Bellybutton wrinkles!*
**[20:37] Oso**
* If the six of us can combine*
* our strengths as one...*
**[20:40] All**
*As one...*
**[20:47] Oso**
*But!*
**[20:49] Oso**
*One, two, and...*
**[20:53] All**
*What's impossible is impossible!*
**[21:02] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[21:05] Ump**
Game, set!
**[21:08] Guy**
And so the invitational winner is
**[21:10] Guy**
the Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School!
**[21:12] Guy**
They've earned the right to
advance to the final stage!
**[21:22] [SONG] Text**
Fourth Galactic
University Affiliated
High School Song
**[21:23] Song**
*Black holes look so obscene*
**[21:31] Song**
*A moon landing sounds sort of perverted*
**[21:39] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks in low gravity*
**[21:47] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks with no resistance*
**[21:54] Song**
*We are Fourth Galaxy, Fourth Galaxy*
**[21:58] Song**
* Forever in the secondary sex*
* characteristics growth stage*
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Ending Card Illustration:
Asano Naoyuki
**[23:44] Bottom**
See ya sometime!!