E23 - Friend Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:11] Announcer     Welcome to NEWS MATSU. [00:14] Announcer     Here's our first story. [00:16] Announcer     The third season of the anime      Mr. Osomatsu is coming to a close, SIGN    Anime Mr. Osomatsu Contract Renewals [00:20] Announcer     so the leading stars of the show are negotiating their contract renewals [00:23] Announcer     for next season with the      production committee. [00:26] Guy     How much each star shone will     come under scrutiny during these [00:29] Guy     contract renewal talks. SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [00:31] Guy     Let's see how talks went     for Matsuno Osomatsu. SIGN    On Hold 60,000 yen | 53,000 yen (estimated) [00:35] Oso     I'm gonna be completely honest here.     They don't think highly of me at all. [00:39] Oso     If they lower my yearly salary this much, [00:41] Oso     there's no way I can go all     out at the horse races! [00:43] Oso     I mean, I have a family, you know! [00:45] Oso     Not that I spend any money on them,     but I still need to protect them! [00:50] Oso     Not that I spend any money on them! [00:52] Oso     I've done three seasons, become the     eldest brother everyone loves, [00:55] Oso     and this is all I get? Hell no! [00:58] Oso     I'm not backing down this year. [01:01] Guy     How did things go for Matsuno Todomatsu? [01:02] Todo     God, they piss me off! SIGN    On Hold 61,000 yen | 54,000 yen (estimated) [01:04] Todo     I've got nothing to say. [01:06] Todo     That's way too low! [01:07] Todo     If this is all I'm getting after playing     the youngest brother this long, [01:12] Todo     what even is the point? [01:14] Todo     They don't get how much popularity     my cuteness brought this series. [01:17] Todo     Totty's totes pissed. [01:19] Todo     I wanna go to Softbank! I want 500 million! SIGN    Signed 1,200,000 yen | 4,800,000 yen (estimated) [01:24] Guy     How did things go for the rookies     of this season, the Riceballs? [01:27] Both     Our pay went up! [01:28] Ume     We signed immediately. [01:30] Shake     We'll see you next season! [01:32] Guy     As for Matsuno Choromatsu... SIGN    On Hold 65,000 yen | 58,000 yen (estimated) [01:35] Choro     Sign? Hell no! I deferred! [01:38] Choro     I'm not going to retort if     this is all I'm getting paid! [01:41] Choro     They keep talking about good faith here, [01:43] Choro     but the only thing that talks in this     situation is money. You get that, right? [01:46] Choro     Money, yen! Gimme money! [01:48] Choro     Money, money, money, money,     money, money, gimme money! [01:54] Guy     Next up is Matsuno Ichimatsu. SIGN    Signed 23,000 yen | 4,000 yen (estimated) [01:59] Reporter     You seem to have signed immediately     despite your rate going down significantly. [02:03] Reporter     Why is that? [02:04] Ichi     B-Before I knew it, I just... [02:07] Reporter     Are you satisfied with your deal? [02:10] Reporter     Your rates go down each year     and you keep signing instantly. [02:15] Reporter     Are you all right? [02:21] Ichi     Please kill me. [02:23] Reporter     Huh? [02:24] Guy     As for Yowai Totoko... [02:25] Totoko     I signed! SIGN    Signed 81,000,000 yen | 165,000,000 yen (estimated) [02:27] Totoko     How much did I get? 165 mil! [02:32] Guy     Next up is Matsuno Jyushimatsu. [02:34] Jyushi     I did not sign today. SIGN    On Hold 61,000 yen | 54,000 yen (estimated) [02:36] Jyushi     I didn't get to play in many games this year, [02:39] Jyushi     but I wish they would've     acknowledged me more. [02:42] Jyushi     I mean, I was batting .280, [02:44] Jyushi     but I didn't get enough at-bats to qualify. [02:46] Jyushi     I was careful about walking batters,     though they were all third-tier matches. [02:50] Jyushi     And I missed a lot of signs, and I let     the ball fly between my legs a lot, [02:53] Jyushi     and whenever I challenged the     ump's call, it ended in failure. [02:56] Jyushi     and I had 16 Tommy John surgeries... [02:58] Reporter     Er, excuse me... [03:00] Jyushi     Huh? [03:01] Reporter     Are you talking about baseball? [03:02] Jyushi     Yup! I sure am talking about baseball! [03:05] Guy     And lastly, Matsuno Karamatsu. [03:09] Kara     I'm not promoting jack shit. Screw all of you. [03:12] Kara     I'm not showing up in anything. SIGN    On Hold 60,000 yen | 53,000 yen (estimated) [03:14] Kara     We're helping you promote     this show to make it a hit, [03:17] Kara     and if we're not getting     anything once it is a hit, [03:20] Kara     what the hell is our      motivation supposed to be?! [03:22] Kara     Well? Well?! [03:25] Kara     I'm definitely not in the wrong here! [03:27] All     You tell 'em, Karamatsu! [03:29] Kara     Give us royalties, too! [03:30] All     Yeah! Yeah! [03:32] Kara     Give us bonuses! [03:33] All     Yeah! Yeah! [03:34] Kara     We can't buy any fancy cars like this! SIGN    Anime Mr. Osomatsu Contract Renewals [03:39] Lady     Looks like things went     badly again this year. [03:42] Lady     The next season may be in danger. [03:44] All     Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! SIGN    End SIGN    Toukyuu SIGN    "Shopping" [05:21] Jyushi     What are you guys buying today? [05:25] Todo     I'm thinking something suited for spring. [05:26] Choro     Same. I hope I find something     with a bright feel. [05:29] Jyushi     What about you, Karamatsu-niisan? [05:31] Kara     I'm thinking about changing     up my image a bit. [05:33] Jyushi     Seriously? [05:35] Kara     I might be feeling adventurous today. [05:36] Jyushi     What? [05:38] Todo     What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan? [05:40] Ichi     Something normal. [05:41] Todo     What would you consider normal? [05:43] Ichi     Something plain that doesn't stand out. [05:45] Todo     Oh, I see. [05:46] Oso     Well, we won't know what they     have until we get there. [05:50] Todo     Yeah, you never know what it     actually looks like online. [05:53] Kara     I hope we all find something     nice today, brothers. [05:55] Choro     Yeah. [06:18] Todo     Ichimatsu-niisan. [06:20] Todo     I think this would look great on you. [06:22] Ichi     Really? Isn't it too flashy? [06:23] Todo     No way! You'll look great in it! [06:26] Ichi     I was thinking about this one. [06:28] Todo     That's way too plain. Go for this one. [06:29] Ichi     Really? I've never worn     something like this before. [06:33] Ichi     It might look good on me,     but I wouldn't be comfortable in it. [06:36] Todo     Yeah, I guess I can see that. Okay... [06:40] Kara     Totty, can I see your smartphone? [06:46] Kara     There you go. [06:49] Choro     They're all good in their own way. [06:52] Kara     I think this one's a nice color. [06:54] Choro     Maybe this one, too. [06:56] Both     Hmm... This is so hard. [06:59] Todo     Did you pick something, Osomatsu-niisan? [07:01] Oso     Yeah, this one. [07:02] Todo     Really? [07:04] Todo     Are you sure? Did you really think about it? [07:06] Oso     This one was the cheapest. [07:07] Todo     Nah... If it's cheap,     there's definitely a reason. [07:12] Todo     See? You can see the difference, right? [07:17] Oso     Oh, you're right! They're totally different! [07:20] Todo     This one seems cheaper, right? [07:22] Oso     Yeah, it's shoddy! Yikes! [07:25] Jyushi     How's this outfit? [07:29] Oso     Jyushimatsu, what the hell is that? [07:31] Choro     You don't have to wear it for laughs! [07:33] Choro     You can't walk outside with an     embarrassing design like that! [07:36] Todo     Talk about a waste of money! [07:40] Kara     What do you think? [07:41] Ichi     What? [07:42] Kara     Huh? It's no good? [07:44] Ichi     You should go for something plainer. [07:45] Kara     But this looks so cool! [07:47] Ichi     It's cool on its own, but not when you wear it. [07:51] Kara     But this is what I want to wear! [07:52] Ichi     What you want to wear and what looks     good on you are separate things. [07:55] Kara     I see. [07:58] Todo     Which one should I get... [08:00] Todo     Well? [08:01] Oso     You look the same as usual. [08:03] Todo     What about this? [08:04] Choro     Go for it. [08:06] All     Nope, no way. [08:08] Kara     It's okay. [08:10] Oso     Hey! That looks great on you! [08:12] Todo     Man, it's so hard to decide! [08:20] Jyushi     Excuse me! [08:23] Guy     Customer number 14! [08:26] Jyushi     Here! [08:27] Guy     We've finished fixing your sleeves. [08:30] Guy     What do you think? [08:32] Jyushi     It's perfect! Thank you very much. [08:38] Guy     I'll wrap them up for you.     Please wait a few minutes. [08:40] Todo     Oh, no need for that.     We're going to wear them home. [08:46] Guy     Thank you very much! [08:49] Oso     Man, I found the perfect one! [08:51] Kara     I got adventurous. [08:53] Jyushi     We've got even more stuff to wear now! SIGN    End [08:59] Sign     Congratulations [09:03] Sign     Akasaka High School     OXth Akasaka High School Graduation Ceremony [09:25] Tachi     Professor. [09:30] Choro     Tacchan! [09:36] Tachi     It's been a while, Professor. [09:38] Choro     It has. How many years has it been     since we graduated high school? SIGN    "Friends" [09:42] Tachi     It's definitely been a while. [09:44] Choro     But you actually showed up. [09:46] Tachi     Of course I did. [09:49] Tachi     There's no way I could forget     what happened here on that day. [10:01] Choro     Yeah. [10:06] Tachi     But you sure have changed, Professor. [10:09] Tachi     You're totally different from     when you were in high school. [10:11] Choro     Look who's talking!     You're like an actual adult. [10:15] Tachi     How are your brothers? [10:17] Choro     They haven't changed. [10:18] Tachi     So much happened during high school. [10:21] Choro     Yeah. [10:24] Tachi     Karamatsu was such a scaredy-cat. [10:26] (Flashback) Tachi     Hey. [10:28] (Flashback) Kara     T-Tatsunami-kun... [10:30] (Flashback) Tatsu     Know where Professor is? [10:32] (Flashback) Kara     Sorry! I have no idea... [10:34] Choro     He got scared so easily.     He was way too quick to cry. [10:38] Tatsu     Well, how I looked probably didn't help. [10:42] (Flashback) Girl     Matsuno-kun. [10:42] (Flashback) Kara     Yes?! [10:44] Kara     Yeah, no. He's way too scared. [10:46] Tatsu     Ichimatsu was hard to get along with. [10:49] (Flashback) Tatsu     Know where Professor is? [10:50] (Flashback) Ichi     Professor?! You must mean Choromatsu! [10:57] (Flashback) Ichi     I don't know! Yay! [11:09] Choro     He's trying way too hard. It hurts to watch. [11:12] Tatsu     Todomatsu was super needy, like a little kid. [11:16] Choro     He really is a kid. [11:19] Choro     Wait. Is he getting smaller? [11:23] Choro     Huh?! [11:25] Tatsu     He was such a cute little guy. [11:27] Choro     Now he doesn't have any time      for me at all, though. [11:32] Todo     Creepy. [11:34] Tatsu     Jyushimatsu was always acting tough. [11:36] Tatsu     He was always picking fights. [11:38] (Flashback) Jyushi     You wanna throw down? Huh?! [11:42] Choro     Who is he fighting? [11:43] (Flashback) Jyushi     The hell are you lookin' at?! [11:44] Choro     You're the one staring. [11:48] Choro     Are you pretending to fight someone? [11:51] Choro     How the hell did you lose?! [11:53] Tatsu     And Osomatsu truly was an idiot. [12:11] Choro     Why'd he even bother going to school? [12:15] Choro     Honestly, all of these are     just precious memories now. [12:18] Tatsu     Yeah. [12:20] Tatsu     Though, in my case, that's all     thanks to you, Professor. [12:23] Choro     Oh, stop. Where'd that come from? [12:26] Choro     Also, you're basically the only one     to call me Professor, Tacchan. [12:30] Tatsu     I'm truly grateful. [12:32] Tatsu     You saved me back in high school. [12:35] Tatsu     If you hadn't been around,     by now I'd probably be... [12:47] Tatsu     No one liked me. SIGN    Akasaka High School SIGN    Akasaka High School [12:50] Tatsu     I felt like there was no point     in going to that school. [12:52] Tatsu     I was thinking of quitting. [12:55] Tatsu     But that was never going to work. [12:59] Tatsu     Because... [13:00] (Flashback) Choro     Tacchan! [13:04] (Flashback) Tatsu     Professor! [13:07] (Flashback) Tatsu     Look at this insane lineup! SIGN    Melon     The High School Girl      of Your Dreams SIGN    First Press Comes with a DVD! SIGN    Hot Wives Special SIGN    The Legend of Satomi [13:10] (Flashback) Tatsu     How did you get all of these?! [13:14] (Flashback) Choro     I can't have you underestimating     my skills, my friend. [13:16] (Flashback) Tatsu     Way to go, Dirty Magazine Professor! SIGN    Melon     The High School Girl     of Your Dreams [13:27] Tatsu     I didn't quit because I wanted to read all     the dirty magazines you brought to school. SIGN    Supplementary Test [13:34] Tatsu     But since I was an idiot, I kept failing, [13:37] Tatsu     so I had to take supplementary     exams to avoid flunking out. [13:41] Tatsu     The teacher realized I was cheating. [13:45] Tatsu     I thought everything was over, and then... [13:51] (Flashback) Teach     What's this? [13:53] (Flashback) Teach     This is shameful! Absolutely shameful! [13:57] Tatsu     Thanks to that dirty magazine,     I wasn't held back. [14:01] Tatsu     I can't tell you how many     times they saved me. SIGN    Bazoongas Festival [14:21] (Flashback) Choro     Yay! [14:22] (Flashback) Tatsu     Yay! [14:36] Tatsu     I'm truly grateful. [14:39] Tatsu     Thanks, Dirty Magazine Professor. [14:42] Choro     Nah, I didn't do anything. It's all     thanks to those dirty magazines. [14:47] Choro     And now, they're just some great memories. [14:50] Tatsu     Yeah. [14:52] Choro     But I need to apologize to     you for what happened. [14:58] Choro     That scar under your eye. [15:01] Choro     That was all my fault. [15:04] Tatsu     It's not your fault! [15:05] Choro     No... [15:06] Choro     It totally is. [15:15] (Flashback) Choro     No! It just came out! I haven't     even gotten to look at it yet! [15:24] (Flashback) Tatsu     Stop that! [15:27] (Flashback) Tatsu     You'll be sorry if you lay a finger on... [15:31] (Flashback) Tatsu     that dirty magazine! [15:33] (Flashback) Choro     Tacchan! [15:34] (Flashback) Guy     Who the hell are you?! [15:42] (Flashback) Guy     You little shit... [15:45] (Flashback) Choro     Tacchan! [15:58] (Flashback) Choro     You okay? [15:59] (Flashback) Tatsu     Don't worry about me! Is the magazine okay? [16:00] (Flashback) Choro     Yeah! I protected it with my life!      Let's look at it together! [16:05] (Flashback) Choro     Yay! It's a sealed page! [16:08] (Flashback) Tatsu     W-Wait, Professor! If you rush too much— [16:10] Choro     Take that! [16:16] (Flashback) Choro     Ta... [16:16] (Flashback) Choro     Tacchan! [16:24] Choro     It is my fault. [16:25] Tatsu     It's not your fault. [16:26] Choro     No, it's definitely my fault. [16:29] Tatsu     No! It was all because of that sealed page! [16:32] Tatsu     Sealed pages make people go insane! [16:36] Choro     Thanks, Tacchan. [16:38] Choro     They're all just precious memories now. [16:43] Tatsu     Yeah. [16:48] Tatsu     To think we were so close... [16:51] Tatsu     and ended up causing that incident. [16:54] Choro     Actually, that tragedy might've     happened because we were so close. [17:11] (Flashback) Choro     You betrayed me. [17:14] (Flashback) Choro     Say something. [17:20] (Flashback) Choro     You have a girlfriend, don't you?! [17:23] (Flashback) Choro     You don't need these dirty     magazines anymore, do you?! [17:25] (Flashback) Choro     You traitor! [17:27] (Flashback) Choro     Who cares about these anymore?! [17:29] (Flashback) Tatsu     Stop it, Professor! [17:32] (Flashback) Choro     What's more important?     The dirty magazines or your girlfriend? [17:37] (Flashback) Choro     The dirty magazines are more     important, right, Tacchan? [17:43] (Flashback) Choro     I guess you don't need your      girlfriend anymore, then. [17:46] (Flashback) Choro     She's in your room right now, isn't she? [17:50] (Flashback) Choro     Let's get rid of her. [17:55] Tatsu     There was something wrong      with us back then. [17:58] Choro     To think we'd do something like that     to an innocent girl like her... [18:14] Tatsu     And then, on that day... [18:19] Choro     At that moment... [18:20] Tatsu     In this place... [18:24] Both     ...we buried her here. [18:26] Choro     Every time this day comes, I think about... [18:29] Tatsu     ...what we do for atonement. [18:34] Choro     So that we don't forget this tragedy... [18:37] Tatsu     Because we can't escape our sin... [18:42] Choro     She's still buried. [18:45] Tatsu     Yeah. [18:49] Choro     These are just precious memories now, too. [18:53] Tatsu     Yeah. [18:58] Choro     Man, this takes me back. I wish we     could go back to being kids, Tacchan. [19:02] Tatsu     That's not gonna happen. [19:05] Tatsu     We're adults now. [19:09] Choro     Tacchan... [19:11] Tatsu     See ya, Professor. [19:15] Choro     H-He disappeared? [19:18] Choro     Oh, right. Tacchan never     existed to begin with. [19:24] Choro     The dirty magazines were basically my whole     identity in my shitty high school life, [19:29] Choro     and I wanted to share that with someone. [19:31] Choro     So he was basically my imaginary friend. SIGN    End [19:39] Choro     Sheeeh! [21:21] Ichi     You're actually an imaginary     friend I thought up, aren't you? [21:26] Oso     Huh? SIGN    "IF Doubts" [21:27] Ichi     I know. You can't fool me. [21:29] Ichi     You're actually an imaginary     friend who doesn't exist. [21:32] Oso     The hell? [21:34] Ichi     You're a fictional friend I thought up.     For mental and emotional support. [21:38] Oso     And you're saying that's me? [21:39] Ichi     Yeah. [21:40] Oso     Why, though?! [21:41] Oso     We've lived together ever since we were born. [21:44] Oso     And I'm not your friend. I'm your brother. [21:47] Ichi     You can't fool me. You don't exist. [21:49] Oso     What are you talking about? [21:51] Ichi     Prove to me that you exist, then. [21:53] Oso     What? [21:54] Ichi     See? You can't. Because you're imaginary. [21:57] Ichi     But don't worry. If I die, so will you. [22:03] Oso     Wait, stop, Ichimacchan! I actually exist! [22:06] Oso     See? Your big brother's right here! [22:09] Ichi     You're right. You do exist. [22:13] Ichi     Which means you're not my imaginary friend. [22:17] Ichi     I'm an imaginary friend you made up. [22:21] Oso     Huh? [22:21] Jyushi     If you die, I'll disappear, too. [22:23] Oso     What? [22:25] Oso     Wait, stop! [22:27] Oso     Why does my method look way     more painful, Ichimacchan?! [22:30] Ichi     Why are you so scared     when this is all imaginary? [22:33] Ichi     We imaginary sextuplets     live our imaginary lives [22:36] Ichi     in this imaginary house,     imagined by someone's imagination! [22:39] Oso     I don't follow. [22:41] Ichi     All of you, listen up. [22:42] Oso     Who are you talking to? [22:44] Ichi     All of your friends, lovers,     family, coworkers... [22:48] Ichi     They're all just your imaginary friends. [22:51] Oso     Stop that. [22:51] Ichi     This anime doesn't even exist. [22:55] Ichi     It's just something imaginary that your     imaginations thought up to watch every week. [22:59] Ichi     The epitome of imagination! [23:01] Ichi     You're all messed up. [23:02] Oso     You're messed up! [23:03] Ichi     Now, say goodnight, imaginary friends. [23:08] Ichi     I'll throw you into the depths of despair [23:10] Ichi     again next week with your lovely imagination. [23:12] Oso     Stop! [23:13] Ichi     Is it imaginary or is it not     imaginary? Nobody knows. [23:18] Ichi     That's... [23:21] Ichi     imaginary. [23:25] Oso     Uh, you just want to say "imaginary," don't you? [23:28] Ichi     No. We ended up with extra time. [23:30] Oso     Well, that got realistic fast. SIGN    End SIGN    Next time on SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [23:34] Todo     Hey, it's Totty! [23:36] Todo     Next time on Mr. Osomatsu,     we have "A-1 Grand Prix." [23:39] Todo     As you can imagine,     my role in this will be... [23:41] Todo     Pretty nonexistent! Yup! [23:43] Todo     However... Irino Miyu has a     surprisingly big part in this! SIGN    "A-1 Grand Prix" etc. [23:49] Todo     Congratulations on this god-tier episode!