E21 - BANANA, NEET Correctional Facility, etc. Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya SIGN    Jigae Pot SIGN    "The Late Night Himatsuya" [00:11] Guy     Paid in exact change. [00:14] Guy     Thanks, come again. [00:25] Kara     Man, we're wasted. [00:27] Todo     Yes, we are, Karamatsu-niisan. [00:30] Kara     Hey, who are you calling "Charisma-niisan"? [00:34] Todo     Yeah, I didn't say that. [00:37] Todo     Hey, I want to order.     Can you push the button? [00:39] Kara     Got it. [00:41] Jyu     Ding dong! [00:45] Oso     Hey, you're not the button. You're Jyushimatsu! [00:49] Todo     I can't breathe! [00:51] Choro     Hey, what's so funny? [00:54] Choro     I don't get it at all. [00:56] Jyu     You don't? [00:58] Choro     I don't. [00:59] Choro     Ding dong! [01:02] Choro     Now I'm the button! I'm the button! SIGN    Pepper [01:09] Oso     Man, that was fun. Should we head home? [01:13] Kara     Yeah, I guess we should. [01:15] Ichi     We need to get our check, then. [01:22] Ichi     Our check... [01:25] Ichi     We need to get our check... [01:27] Oso     So what do we have to do     to get our check, Ichimatsu? [01:31] Ichi     Huh? [01:32] Oso     Come on, tell me, Ichimacchan!     What do we have to do? [01:36] Ichi     Push the button. [01:38] Kara     Ding dong! [01:43] Ichi     Ding dong. [01:44] Oso?     Ding dong! [01:46] Todo     My stomach hurts! Please stop! [01:49] Todo     Ding dong! [01:52] Jyu     So much fun! [01:54] Guy     Hey! [01:56] Guy     Shut up. [02:02] Oso     We got in trouble... [02:05] Jyu     Ding dong! [02:08] Kara     Just don't. SIGN    End SIGN    Shibuya Station [03:51] Tottymi     What am I going to do? [03:53] Totty     I work and work, but can't     seem to save any money. [03:57] Totty     I wonder if there's some job I can do for     a little while and make lots of money. [04:01] Totty     I want to turn the tables! [04:08] Song     B! N! N! Banana [04:10] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    We'll support your money-loving lifestyle SIGN    Get paid under the table! SIGN    Super high income! Check out our available positions [04:11] Song     Banana banana banana [04:14] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich SIGN    We'll support your money-loving lifestyle [04:17] Song     Banana banana make money quick SIGN    Super high income! SIGN    Get paid under the table! [04:20] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [04:23] Song     Banana! [04:23] Song     Banana banana make money quick [04:26] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [04:29] Song     Banana! [04:29] Totty     Wow! Maybe I can turn the tables after all! [04:29] Song     Let's find a part-time job [04:31] Song     Banana! [04:32] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [04:39] Ichi     All right, let's start the interview. SIGN    Kitty Shack [04:43] Ichi     Good evening. I'm Ichimatsu, the manager. [04:45] Ichi     Pleasure to meet you. [04:47] Totty     S-Sir, thank you for having me. [04:52] Ichi     Are you nervous? [04:55] Ichi     Could this be your first time     working in a place like this? [04:59] Totty     Um... Yes. [05:02] Ichi     Don't worry. [05:03] Ichi     It might be a little rough at first,     but you'll get used to things quickly. [05:07] Totty     Really? [05:09] Ichi     Yes. Now, why don't we have you change? [05:12] Totty     Yes, sir! I'll do my best. [05:15] Ichi     Here you go. [05:16] Totty     I can't! There's no way I can wear that! [05:19] Ichi     Then what about this? [05:20] Totty     I can't! No way! [05:23] Ichi     Then how about this? [05:24] Totty     No way! More importantly,     what's the theme here? [05:27] Totty     Is this really what the customers want? [05:30] Ichi     Well, there are all kinds     of people in this world. [05:34] Totty     Y-Yes, but... [05:36] Ichi     Just so you know... [05:38] Ichi     These are the services     we provide at our shop. SIGN    One-shot Jokes     Oogiri     Impressions     What's in the Box?     Bungee Jumping     Kissing a Wild Alligator SIGN    One-shot Jokes [05:43] Ichi     One-shot jokes. SIGN    Oogiri [05:44] Ichi     Oogiri. SIGN    Impressions [05:45] Ichi     Impressions. SIGN    What's in the Box? [05:46] Ichi     What's in the box? SIGN    Bungee Jumping [05:48] Ichi     Bungee jumping. [05:49] Ichi     Kissing a wild alligator. SIGN    Kissing a Wild Alligator [05:51] Totty     I can't! I can't do any of those! [05:54] Ichi     You'll get used to it. [05:55] Totty     I won't! This isn't what I imagined at all! [06:00] Totty     No way! I can't! [06:04] Totty     I can't! [06:06] Totty     I-I can't! [06:11] Totty     Sir... [06:12] Totty     I don't think I'm cut out     for this job after all. [06:16] Ichi     That's what everyone says at first,     but don't you worry. SIGN    Hot     Mustard [06:21] Ichi     You'll get used to it. [06:22] Totty     No! This isn't what I wanted to do! [06:27] Totty     That's right. What I wanted to do is... SIGN    Money [06:34] Oso     I'm so bummed. [06:36] Jyu     Same. [06:37] Oso     We're way too broke. [06:40] Oso     The wage gap is too steep. [06:42] Jyu     Totally want to turn the tables. [06:45] Song     B! N! N! Banana [06:45] Both     Wow! [06:46] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee [06:48] Song     Banana banana banana [06:51] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich [06:54] Song     Banana banana make money quick [06:57] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [06:59] Song     Banana! [07:00] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:03] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [07:05] Song     Banana! [07:06] Song     Let's find a part-time job [07:08] Song     Banana! [07:09] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [07:11] Song     Banana! [07:12] Song     Overseas vacations, brand bags [07:13] ---     Wow! [07:15] Song     Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy [07:18] Song     It can't be true... Yes it can, banana! [07:24] Song     Hey! [07:24] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:27] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [07:29] Song     Banana! [07:30] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:33] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [07:35] Song     Banana! [07:36] Song     Let's find a part-time job [07:38] Song     Banana! [07:39] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [07:41] Song     Banana! [07:42] Song     Overseas vacations, brand bags [07:45] Song     Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy [07:48] Song     It can't be true... Yes it can, banana! SIGN    The Ultimate Sentai Show VS Virgin Rangers [07:53] Song     Hey! [07:57] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    Akatsuka Hall SIGN    Spring Tour SIGN    Arena [07:58] Song     B! N! N! Banana [08:00] Song     Banana banana banana [08:03] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich [08:06] Song     Banana banana make money quick [08:09] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [08:11] Song     Banana! [08:12] Song     Banana banana make money quick [08:15] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [08:18] Song     Banana! [08:18] Totty     Yay! [08:18] Song     Same day super celebrity [08:19] Totty     I was able to turn the tables! [08:21] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone SIGN    End SIGN    "NEET Correctional Facility" [08:25] Sales     Hello, it's your neighborhood salesman. [08:32] Sales     I'm terribly sorry to show up unannounced. [08:36] Sales     Please take this high-class pound     cake from the Grand Hat Hotel [08:39] Sales     as a token of my apology. [08:43] Sales     You see, I just happened to hear a rumor [08:46] Sales     that you happen to have six NEETs [08:48] Sales     who absolutely refuse to work     no matter how old they get. [08:53] Sales     That must be hard. You have my sympathies. [08:56] Dad     R-Right... [08:58] Sales     So I was wondering if you'd be willing [09:01] Sales     to try sending them to a facility     that we created. It's called... [09:05] Sales     "We'll immediately change     any failure of a human being! [09:08] Sales     The NEET correctional facility: NEETZAP." [09:13] Sales     Oh, don't worry. [09:15] Sales     There's nothing shady about our facility. [09:17] Sales     We call all the children     we take in our friends. [09:21] Sales     We truly treat them as friends. SIGN    Probability of finding a job after graduation [09:23] Sales     Many of our graduates go back     out into society and do great! SIGN    (According to our research) [09:27] Sales     You just have to leave them     with us for two years! SIGN    Life SIGN    90 years' worth SIGN    (2 years' worth) [09:29] Sales     Just two years, and they'll be reformed! SIGN    2 years SIGN    Special time offer! [09:31] Sales     And right now, we have a     sales campaign going on! SIGN    NTNT Campaign! SIGN    1 NEET only [09:33] Sales     We'll take in one of your NEETs free of charge! SIGN    Yen [09:36] Sales     Well, what do you think? [09:38] Sales     I'm sure you might have some reservations,     but it's not a bad deal. [09:41] Sales     Be brave, and give us a try! [09:46] Dad     You can't be serious. [09:48] Dad     It's true that all of our kids are NEETs, [09:51] Dad     but there's no way we could send one of our     sons to your crazy facility for two years. [09:54] Dad     Right, dear? [09:56] Mom     Could you tell us more about this facility? [09:58] Dad     What?! [09:59] Dad     D-Dear! [10:04] Sales     Well, I'll be looking forward     to a positive answer. [10:07] Sales     I know you love your sons very much. [10:08] Sales     Farewell! [10:15] Dad     You want to send one of our     kids to that facility? [10:18] Dad     What are you thinking? [10:22] Dad     Matsuyo? [10:24] Mom     Well... [10:27] Mom     This pound cake... [10:29] Mom     is one of my absolute favorites! [10:31] Dad     You're sacrificing one of our     sons for that? You're awful! [10:34] Mom     I'm joking. [10:36] Mom     But I'm serious about the facility. [10:39] Mom     I think it might be worth considering. [10:43] Dad     Huh? [10:44] Mom     I've been thinking lately [10:47] Mom     that maybe they turned out     that way because of me. [10:54] Mom     "Hurry up and find a job     and become independent." [10:57] Mom     I say that, but I'm still too     nice when it comes to them. [11:00] Mom     In the end, I let them get away with anything. [11:03] Mom     At this rate, they'll never change. [11:06] Mom     I need to be stricter with them. [11:09] Mom     If we send one of them to the facility,     something might change. [11:13] Mom     I'm okay with them hating me,     as long as it helps them. [11:18] Dad     Dear, you'd go that far? [11:22] Mom     And let me just say this... [11:26] Mom     If there were only three of them,     it'd be pretty lonely, and I may even feel guilty, [11:32] Mom     but we have sextuplets! [11:34] Mom     We have six of them! [11:36] Mom     Even if we sent one off,     I don't think we'd really notice! SIGN    Because we have sextuplets, even if we sent one off, we really wouldn't notice [11:43] Dad     Well, I mean, even five is a lot. [11:48] Mom     I said that so confidently, [11:50] Mom     but having to actually pick one of     these kids to go is pretty hard. [11:55] Mom     I'd like to let the good ones stay,     and choose the worst. [12:04] Mom     Which ones are the good sons?     Who's the bad son? [12:09] Mom     I just don't know... [12:12] Oso     Mom, I want to go play pachinko. [12:14] Oso     Got any extra cash, by any chance? [12:17] Kara     Mommy, when are you going     to buy me this bike? [12:21] Ichi     Huh? Is it good? [12:23] Ichi     It's okay, I guess. [12:25] Jyu     Mom, I wet the bed! SIGN    Expensive [12:28] Todo     Mom, I borrowed your toner,     so could you buy more? [12:32] Mom     I don't have a good son to begin with! [12:35] Mom     All of you should go to     the facility, you morons! [12:40] Mom     It's no use. They're all worthless. [12:43] Mom     I was right after all. [12:46] Mom     Now is the time for tough love! [13:00] Choro     Y-You're sending one of us     to a correctional facility? [13:04] Mom     Yes. [13:05] Choro     J-Just to make sure, I'm not the one     you're sending to this facility, am I? [13:18] Mom     No, you're safe, Choromatsu. [13:19] Choro     Oh, thank God! That's not good for my heart! [13:22] Choro     Safe! Choro-chan is safe! [13:24] Mom     I want you to hear me out. [13:26] Choro     Hear you out? [13:28] Choro     Oh, I see... [13:31] Choro     That's why you brought up this facility. [13:33] Choro     I didn't know you were facing     such a hard decision. [13:36] Mom     This is a last resort. [13:38] Choro     All right. I'll throw out     any pity and help you out. [13:41] Choro     So we just have to pick which one of     these guys we're going to part with? [13:46] Mom     Yes. They're all so awful,     I just can't seem to make up my mind. [13:50] Mom     Tell me what you think as their brother. [13:53] Choro     Well, as one of the brothers... [13:56] Choro     It's definitely him. [13:57] Mom     Oh, my. I never thought     you'd decide so quickly. [14:00] Choro     There's absolutely no hesitation. [14:02] Mom     What? But Osomatsu's... How do I put it? [14:04] Mom     He basically defines you sextuplets. [14:07] Mom     If he's out of the picture,     it'd be hard to understand what's going on. [14:10] Choro     No, no, speaking for the sextuplets,     it'd be the most peaceful with him gone. [14:15] Choro     Ask all the others, and they'll probably     all point to his picture at once. [14:19] Mom     Really? [14:20] Choro     Really. [14:21] Mom     I really thought you were     going to pick this one. [14:26] Choro     Ah. [14:28] Choro     Well, yeah... [14:30] Mom     I mean, you're always getting mad     at him. He's annoying, right? [14:33] Choro     Well, he is, but he hasn't     actually done anything wrong. [14:37] Choro     So, speaking for the sextuplets,     there's no problem with keeping him. [14:40] Mom     Oh, really? [14:42] Mom     I guess he can stay, then. [14:43] Choro     What about you, Mom? [14:46] Choro     Who do you think should go? [14:48] Mom     U-Um... But that's just it. [14:51] Choro     If you had to choose. [14:52] Mom     If I had to choose... [15:03] Mom     I-I think this one, or this one. [15:05] Choro     Really? Ichimatsu or Todomatsu?! [15:08] Mom     Shh! You're too loud! [15:09] Choro     Wait, but why?! [15:10] Mom     I can't tell if they really love me... [15:13] Choro     Ah... [15:15] Mom     And I can't really find anything     positive about keeping them. [15:18] Choro     I see. [15:19] Mom     W-Wait, did I just say something awful?! [15:21] Choro     You did. Actually,     you've been pretty awful all day. [15:24] Choro     But that's fine. This is your     chance to let it all out. [15:28] Choro     By the way, what about this one? [15:33] Both     No, no, no! Not a chance! [15:34] Both     I can't imagine having someone     else take care of this one! [15:38] Choro     Right? [15:39] Mom     Exactly. [15:40] Choro     It's not that we want to keep him,     but we don't have a choice. [15:43] Mom     Right. [15:45] Choro     So, what are you going to do?     Which one are we parting with? [15:48] Mom     What? Hmm... [16:00] Mom     Then... [16:01] Choro     Whoa, seriously?! [16:02] Mom     I'll go along with the other sextuplets' opinion. [16:05] Mom     Not to mention, if he's gone,     I do think the rest of you might change. [16:10] Choro     It's decided? [16:11] Mom     Yes. [16:12] Choro     So we're parting ways with Osomatsu? [16:14] Mom     Yes, Osomatsu. [16:17] Choro     All right. I'll go get him, then. [16:21] Mom     Wait! [16:24] Mom     What should I do? [16:26] Choro     Uh, about what? [16:27] Mom     Osomatsu, huh? [16:29] Mom     Really? Osomatsu? [16:29] Choro     Seriously, what is your deal? [16:32] Mom     I'm going to hold off on Osomatsu after all. [16:33] Choro     Huh? You changed your mind? [16:35] Mom     Yes. [16:35] Choro     Okay, so who's it going to be? [16:38] Mom     Huh? Um... [16:41] Mom     This one. [16:42] Choro     Karamatsu? [16:43] Mom     Yes. [16:45] Choro     Final answer? [16:45] Mom     Final answer. [16:46] Choro     Okay. I'll go get him. [16:49] Mom     Wait. [16:50] Choro     Huh? [16:52] Choro     Mom?! [16:53] Choro     Seriously, what is your deal?! [16:57] Choro     Mom! [16:58] Mom     I'm getting sick of this! [16:59] Choro     Huh?! [17:00] Mom     I know I'm the one who brought this up,     but actually having to pick one... [17:04] Mom     I'm so sick of this! [17:06] Choro     Mom! [17:07] Choro     Calm down! You're the one     who brought this up! [17:11] Mom     R-Right... I'm the one who brought     all of this up in the first place... [17:16] Mom     I was about to go soft again. [17:18] Mom     Thanks, Choromatsu-kun. [17:19] Choro     No problem. [17:21] Choro     What about this one? [17:22] Mom     Ichimatsu? No! [17:25] Choro     Then what about him? [17:26] Mom     Todomatsu? No, no! [17:29] Choro     What about him?! [17:29] Mom     I said no! [17:31] Mom     But he's such a good character! [17:34] Mom     But he's so cute! [17:36] Mom     He's such a good boy! [17:37] Mom     I can't! I just can't! [17:39] Mom     I just can't choose! [17:42] Choro     Matsuyo! Get a friggin' grip, Matsuyo! [17:46] Mom     I'm going to be honest. [17:48] Mom     Even if you're all just lazing around     every day, or NEETs, I don't care. [17:53] Mom     I actually don't care at all. [17:55] Choro     What?! That's some confession! [17:58] Choro     This goes against everything! [17:59] Choro     Why did we waste all this time, then? [18:02] Mom     It all just came out, but I meant it. [18:04] Mom     As long as you're all doing well,     that's all that matters. I don't care at all. [18:08] Choro     Oh, come on! You're the one     who brought all of this up! [18:13] Mom     You're right! I was going soft again! [18:16] Mom     I have to choose one! [18:18] Choro     Is this ever going to end? Well, Mom?! [18:21] Mom     Ugh! What am I supposed to do?! [18:25] Mom     Oh, I know. [18:26] Mom     You go, then. [18:27] Choro     What?! Now it's me? [18:30] Choro     Why?! [18:30] Mom     I guess not. Then we'll     have your father decide. [18:33] Choro     Huh?! [18:34] Mom     No, maybe I'm the one who needs     to go to some kind of facility. [18:38] Choro     Mom! You're not making any sense! [18:39] Choro     Calm down! [18:41] Choro     Mom! [18:45] Kara     So, how'd it go? [18:47] Todo     Who's it going to be? [18:48] Oso     Choromatsu! [18:49] Jyu     Choromatsu-niisan! [18:50] Ichi     Well? [18:51] Choro     In the end... [18:52] Choro     Mom just couldn't decide. [18:57] Ichi     Oh, thank goodness. [18:58] Todo     So everything's on hold. [18:59] Oso     We're just barely safe. [19:00] Jyu     Safe, safe! [19:01] Kara     We're saved. [19:03] Choro     Well, I guess this is the best choice. [19:07] Dad     I'm home. [19:08] Six     Dad! [19:10] Dad     Something wrong? [19:11] Jyu     What's this about a correctional facility? [19:13] Dad     Oh, that. [19:18] Dad     I spent all day thinking about it at work, [19:21] Dad     but it's just silly to think about     sending one of you off [19:25] Dad     to a facility for two years. [19:27] Dad     Still, I decided that you     need some tough love. [19:30] Six     Huh? [19:31] Dad     Starting tomorrow, three of you     will be going to the facility. [19:40] All     What?! [19:41] Ichi     Three of us?! [19:42] Oso     Why is it more now?! [19:43] Dad     Well, if we want to make our family     better, we need this resolve. [19:48] Kara     Better?! No, that betterment     isn't necessary, Daddy! [19:51] Dad     Now, then. [19:52] Dad     Which three of you should I choose? [19:58] Oso     D-D-D-D-Dad! I'll give you this! [20:00] Oso     A coupon for a hostess club! [20:02] Dad     What? Really? [20:03] Dad     Osomatsu gets 100 points! [20:04] Oso     All right! [20:05] Jyu     Dad, you can have this     ticket to a baseball game! [20:08] Dad     Jyushimatsu gets 50 points! [20:09] Jyu     Yay! [20:10] Choro     Dad, you can have this idol photobook. [20:12] Dad     100 points! [20:13] Choro     Yass! SIGN    Softshell Turtle [20:14] Kara     Daddy, use this! [20:17] Dad     Nice, my son! [20:18] Kara     One more. [20:19] Dad     Great, my son! [20:20] Kara     One more! [20:21] Dad     50,000 sun! Karamatsu doesn't have to go! [20:25] Ichi     Dad, here's the URL to a free porn site. [20:28] Dad     One million points! You don't have to go! [20:30] Ichi     Thanks! [20:31] Todo     Dad, I'm sorry. [20:32] Dad     Huh? [20:33] Todo     I don't have anything to     give you like the others. [20:37] Todo     But you know... [20:38] Todo     Since I always had you to look up to, [20:41] Todo     I know I'll grow up to be     a great man like you. [20:42] Todo     Thanks for everything. [20:44] Dad     A hundred million points!     You get to be a NEET for life! [20:47] Todo     Yass! Don't you dare     underestimate Totty, damn it! [20:49] Oso     All right, you guys! [20:51] Oso     Let's show Dad how much we appreciate him! [20:55] ---     Yeah! [20:56] Six     Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! [20:59] Dad     Don't worry! Don't worry, my little NEETs! [21:02] Dad     Your father is so happy! [21:14] Mom     We're such a strange family.     What am I going to do with all of you? [21:19] Mom     More importantly, when are     you all going to get jobs? [21:23] Mom     Honestly, you stupid little NEETs! [21:28] Choro     Ow! What are you doing, Mom? [21:30] Todo     Come on, Mom. [21:31] Jyu     What're you doing? [21:33] Mom     Well? Do you give up? [21:35] Ichi     Uh, could you hurry up and move? [21:37] Kara     Hey, Mommy! [21:39] Mom     Nope. I'm going to stay like     this a little longer. [21:41] Oso     Wait, why?! [21:47] Mom     Nope. SIGN    End [21:50] Mom     Nope! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:24] Jyu     It's me, Jyushimatsu! [23:26] Jyu     Next week's going to be about survival! [23:28] Jyu     So I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:31] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:36] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:40] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:43] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! SIGN    "Overseas Vacation" [23:47] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:52] Jyu     Starving!