# E19 - President Dekapan / Ventriloquism / Valentine's Day
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR24KMV56/president-dekapan--ventriloquism--valentines-day)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Crowd**
Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!
***SIGN*** Dekapan
**[00:09] Crowd**
Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!
**[00:12] Deka**
*I did it! I became the president!*
**[00:17] Deka**
*I never thought I'd actually win.*
**[00:21] Deka**
* I guess running in an election on a whim*
* is worth trying now and then.*
***SIGN*** Dekapan
**[00:25] Deka**
I'm the new president, Dekapan.
***SIGN*** "President Dekapan"
**[00:35] Todo**
Listen, President Dekapan.
**[00:37] Todo**
This isn't the time to be so merry.
**[00:39] Todo**
Being president means the people will
expect you to carry out their wishes.
**[00:44] Todo**
Then there's the prosperity of our nation,
good relations with other countries...
**[00:47] Todo**
Not to mention keeping
an eye on world affairs.
**[00:51] Todo**
Listen very carefully, Mr. President.
Politics is basically a vessel.
**[00:55] Todo**
Let me remind you again that
popularity is everything.
**[00:55] Sign**
Top Secret
**[00:58] Todo**
But that doesn't just mean
you have to be likable.
**[01:01] Todo**
You need to have a broad perspective.
**[01:04] Todo**
Please listen! I'll say this one more time!
**[01:06] Todo**
Just because you became president,
**[01:08] Todo**
this isn't the time to be so merry!
**[01:12] Todo**
Are you listening, Mr. President?!
**[01:14] Todo**
I mean, and let me say this
again about politics...
**[01:17] Todo**
Again, *again*, this isn't
the time to be merry!
**[01:21] Todo**
Being president means
**[01:23] Todo**
the people will expect you
to carry out their wishes.
**[01:25] Todo**
Then there's the prosperity of our nation
and good relations with other countries,
**[01:29] Todo**
not to mention keeping
an eye on world affairs...
**[01:33] Todo**
Are you listening, Mr. President?!
**[01:35] Todo**
What are you doing, Mr. President?!
**[01:36] Deka**
What's that button for?
**[01:38] Todo**
It does absolutely nothing.
**[01:40] Deka**
I want to push it.
**[01:41] Todo**
Absolutely not!
**[01:43] Todo**
This button is just meant to be here.
**[01:45] Todo**
Its sole purpose is to be here.
**[01:48] Deka**
But I'm so curious.
**[01:50] Deka**
I wanna push it.
**[01:52] Deka**
Please?
**[01:56] Todo**
All right, I get it.
**[01:58] Todo**
Please just settle for this toy button.
**[02:08] Deka**
This is so calming.
**[02:13] Todo**
I guess you can be pretty cute
sometimes, Mr. President.
**[02:19] Todo**
I said no!
**[02:20] Deka**
I wanna push it!
**[02:21] Todo**
No!
**[02:21] Deka**
Wanna push! Wanna push the button!
**[02:25] Deka**
Let me push it!
**[02:29] Todo**
You dumbass!
**[02:36] Todo**
You can't be serious. Who the hell
picked this guy to be president?
**[02:40] Deka**
Is there no way you'll let me push it?
**[02:42] Todo**
No means no!
**[02:42] Deka**
Okay, I won't push it. But let me at
least lick the very top of the button.
**[02:48] Todo**
The hell?! What are you talking about?
**[02:51] Deka**
Just the top.
**[02:52] Todo**
Just the top?
**[02:58] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[03:04] Deka**
This is so calming.
**[03:08] Todo**
This is disturbing.
**[03:11] Deka**
I-I can't hold back anymore!
**[03:16] Todo**
I told you no, you cueball!
You freak in underwear!
**[03:19] Deka**
Just once!
**[03:21] Todo**
And that once would end everything!
**[03:23] Deka**
Let me push it!
**[03:24] Todo**
No!
**[03:25] Deka**
Let me do it!
**[03:25] Todo**
No!
**[03:26] Deka**
Just let me do it once!
**[03:27] Todo**
No! Seriously, who the hell
elected you president?!
**[03:32] Both**
Oh.
**[03:41] Todo**
Aw... There it goes.
**[03:44] Deka**
I didn't get to push it.
**[03:50] Todo**
Aw... And now it's coming back.
**[03:53] Deka**
I really wanted to push it.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Ventriloquism
**[05:30] Iyami**
Come one, come all!
***SIGN*** Ventriloquism
Show
**[05:34] Iyami**
We have a super fun
ventriloquism show for you!
**[05:37] Kid**
What's that?
**[05:42] Iyami**
Let's start off with introductions.
**[05:44] Chibi**
My name's Chibisuke!
**[05:46] Hata**
My name's Hatarou.
**[05:49] Chibi**
And the two of us are...
**[05:50] Both**
Chibihata-chan.
**[05:52] Chib**
Nice to meet ya.
**[05:53] Hata**
Nice to meet you, jo.
**[05:56] Kid**
That's amazing!
**[05:57] Kid**
That guy's mouth isn't moving at all!
**[05:59] Kid**
It's perfect ventriloquism!
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[06:03] Chib**
* So easy, you idjits!*
* They totally fell for it.*
**[06:06] Iyami**
*Children are the easiest to fool.*
**[06:10] Hata**
*Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.*
**[06:16] Chib**
Hey, Hatarou-kun.
**[06:18] Hata**
What is it, Chibisuke-kun?
**[06:20] Chib**
What's your favorite food, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:23] Hata**
Um...
**[06:24] Iyami**
Oh, don't you like oden, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:28] Chib**
Oden, huh?
**[06:30] Chib**
Wait, that's mine. Get it right.
**[06:33] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[06:35] Iyami**
That hurt! Why'd you hit me, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:39] Hata**
I'm not the one who hit you, jo.
**[06:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:44] Iyami**
This is so confusing.
**[06:46] Iyami**
Who's who, and who's talking right now?
**[06:50] Both**
It's all you.
**[06:52] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:54] Iyami**
Oh, that's right.
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[07:02] Jyu**
This is awesome!
**[07:04] Chib**
*We're gonna have yakiniku tonight!*
**[07:06] Iyami**
* Don't forget the*
* all-you-can-drink beverages.*
**[07:08] Chib**
*We'll add in dessert...*
**[07:09] Iyami**
*...and some bathing beauties.*
**[07:12] Hata**
*Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.*
**[07:14] Hata**
Jo!
**[07:16] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo... Jo...
**[07:19] Hata**
I gotta pee, jo.
**[07:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:23] Iyami**
What?!
**[07:24] Hata**
I'm gonna pee!
**[07:25] Iyami**
J-J-Just hold it.
We're in the middle of a show.
**[07:29] Chibi**
Now that you mention it...
**[07:34] Chibi**
Now I need to poop, too.
**[07:37] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Just hold it!
**[07:41] Chibi**
It's coming! It's coming!
**[07:43] Iyami**
Hey!
**[07:47] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:52] Chibi**
The hell...
**[07:55] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[07:57] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[07:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:02] Kid**
That's awesome!
**[08:03] Kid**
Did they all just speak at once?
**[08:03] Bg**
Amazing!
**[08:05] Kid**
I've never seen anything like this!
**[08:11] Oil**
Oh, you look like you're having fun.
**[08:16] Kid**
Hey, it's an oil magnate!
**[08:19] Oil**
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm the Oil Magnate.
**[08:22] Oil**
Mr. Ventriloquist... Please display
those amazing skills at my party.
**[08:27] Oil**
I will pay you handsomely.
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[08:31] All**
Sheeeh!
**[08:34] Chibi**
All right! You idjits! Damn it!
**[08:35] Hata**
This is mine, jo!
**[08:37] Iyami**
Sheeeh! It belongs to me!
**[08:39] Chibi**
Let go!
**[08:40] Hata**
It's mine, jo.
**[08:41] Iyami**
Whose idea do you think this was?!
**[08:43] Chibi**
You didn't even do anything!
**[08:45] Hata**
Mine!
**[08:55] Three**
Yeah!
**[08:56] Kid**
Who do you think you're messing with?!
**[09:01] Jyu**
Damn it! They tricked me!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Valentine's Day"
***SIGN*** February
**[10:40] Girl**
Did you make reservations for today?
**[10:42] Girl2**
Yeah. This place is super popular,
so it wasn't easy.
**[10:46] Girl**
Thanks for doing that.
**[10:51] Oso**
It's finally here... Valentine's Day.
**[10:55] Oso**
Well, it's not like I want
chocolate that bad, anyway.
**[10:59] Oso**
Right, Choromatsu?
**[11:01] Choro**
Of course I don't want any.
We're adults now.
**[11:04] Choro**
It's not like I'd get all excited about
chocolate, nor do I like it that much.
***SIGN*** A lifestyle magazine for guys who want to graduate someday
***SIGN*** Collector's Issue
***SIGN*** Complete list of jackets to make you popular
***SIGN*** Just before Valentine's Day Special!!
**[11:09] Choro**
I mean, we can just buy
some chocolate anytime.
**[11:13] Jyu**
Well said!
**[11:14] Ichi**
Wow, you're so calm.
**[11:16] Kara**
Don't make me fall for you, brother!
**[11:21] Oso**
We don't need chocolate at our age, anyway.
**[11:24] All**
Nope, we don't.
**[11:26] Oso**
We don't want any, right?
**[11:27] All**
Nope!
**[11:31] Ichi**
So, what about you, Todomatsu?
**[11:32] Todo**
Hmm?
**[11:33] Ichi**
You haven't said a word.
Do you want chocolate?
**[11:38] Todo**
Of course I want some.
***SIGN*** News on How to Be Popular
You'll definitely be popular if you read this!
How to definitely get 5 Valentine's chocolates
**[11:40] Todo**
True, I don't get excited about chocolate,
nor do I like it that much...
***SIGN*** You definitely want to get chocolates from girls on Valentine's Day, but the reality is it's hard for loser guys to get any chocolate.
**[11:46] Todo**
And I can buy it whenever I want.
**[11:48] Todo**
But who doesn't want to get chocolates
from a cute girl on Valentine's Day?
**[11:56] Todo**
H-Huh... What?
**[11:58] Oso**
Just say that you don't want any chocolate.
**[12:01] Todo**
Huh? What do you mean?
**[12:03] Oso**
I'm saying...
**[12:05] Oso**
We were all just saying how
we don't want any chocolate
**[12:08] Oso**
to avoid thinking about the cruel reality.
**[12:10] Oso**
This is like group self-defense.
**[12:12] Todo**
What are you talking about?
**[12:13] Todo**
Wait, then don't you guys want
chocolates on Valentine's Day?
**[12:17] Five**
Of course we do!
**[12:18] Kara**
Totty! We want some so bad,
we'd be willing to die for it!
**[12:21] Kara**
That's why we're like this!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu Choco
**[12:22] Choro**
I even want to change my name
from Choromatsu to Chocomatsu!
**[12:25] Jyu**
Chocomatsu!
**[12:26] Todo**
Huh?
**[12:27] Sign**
Today's question:
How do you get
Valentine's Day chocolates?
***SIGN*** Third issue:
We ask our graduated
senpai Shouei!
***SIGN*** "Now's the time to let it all out."
**[12:28] Oso**
All right, that's it.
**[12:30] Oso**
We'll never get any chocolates this way.
**[12:34] Oso**
So I'm... going to go outside.
**[12:37] All**
Go outside?!
**[12:37] Oso**
I'm going to go outside and get
some chocolate from some girl.
**[12:41] Oso**
I'm definitely going to get some this year!
**[12:46] Todo**
Me, too!
**[12:47] Todo**
I'm going to go outside, too,
and get some chocolates!
**[12:50] Choro**
I'll go outside, too.
**[12:51] Jyushi**
Me, too!
**[12:52] Kara**
And me!
**[12:54] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[12:57] Ichi**
All right.
**[12:58] Ichi**
Let's go out this Valentine's Day.
**[13:03] Kara**
How about that? We're definitely
different this year!
**[13:07] Oso**
All right. Let's see who can
get some chocolates first!
**[13:11] Oso**
Go!
**[13:12] Todo**
Wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[13:15] Ichi**
No fair getting a head start.
**[13:17] Jyu**
I'm not gonna lose!
**[13:19] Kara**
I'm gonna get some chocolates!
**[13:20] Choro**
Let's give it our all!
**[13:28] All**
I'm definitely not going to lose!
**[13:40] Guy**
Really?
**[13:57] Choro**
*We went outside...*
**[13:59] Choro**
*But how are we supposed to get chocolates?*
**[14:04] All**
Oh, yeah!
**[14:06] All**
Please! Give us some chocolates!
**[14:08] Toto**
Please! I can't!
**[14:10] All**
Please! Give us some chocolates!
**[14:12] Toto**
I can't!
**[14:13] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:14] Toto**
Can't!
**[14:15] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:15] Toto**
Get a clue!
**[14:16] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:16] Toto**
Get a clue!
**[14:18] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:19] Toto**
Go home, you dumbasses!
**[14:21] All**
Chocolates!
***SIGN*** Uochuu
***SIGN*** Valentine's Specials
**[14:36] Oso**
M-Mom... C-Could you...
**[14:40] Kara**
I-It's all over if we rely on Mother...
**[14:52] Girl**
This is cute!
**[14:53] Girl**
Yeah, it is!
**[14:58] Girl**
This is homemade, so I don't
know how good it is, but...
**[15:02] Jyu**
Bring it on! Bring it on!
***SIGN*** Aida
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Sachiko
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Chocolate Wanted
***SIGN*** You can't have my cat
***SIGN*** Chocolate desired
***SIGN*** Chocolate
wanted
**[15:40] Oso**
Guys, how'd it go? Did you get any?
**[15:51] Kara**
Damn it!
**[15:53] Todo**
Damn it all!
**[15:55] Oso**
I didn't get any again this year!
**[15:57] Jyu**
Am I a monk or what?!
**[15:58] Kara**
I seriously don't understand... I'm so cool.
**[16:01] Choro**
All the girls in this world are stupid!
**[16:04] Ichi**
Why did we even have any hope?
**[16:07] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[16:10] Jyu**
Ch-Chocolate... I want chocolate... Chocolate...
**[16:15] Jyu**
Chocolate... chocolate...
**[16:15] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[16:16] Todo**
That's not chocolate! That's dog shit!
**[16:18] Jyush**
Chocolate! Chocolate... Chocolate!
**[16:20] Todo**
That's dog shit! It's dog shit!
**[16:28] Oso**
I'm... not giving up yet.
**[16:31] Oso**
I'm definitely going to get
some chocolate this year.
**[17:07] Six**
So cute!
**[17:09] ---**
It is cute.
**[17:12] Six**
We did it!
**[17:15] Six**
Yeah!
**[17:17] Six**
It's done!
**[17:18] Jyu**
Huge success!
**[17:26] Kara**
Choromatsu.
**[17:28] Kara**
Today's Valentine's Day.
**[17:31] Kara**
Here.
**[17:32] Choro**
What? For me?
**[17:34] Kara**
Yeah.
**[17:35] Kara**
I'm so much more confident because I have
an uncool younger brother like you.
**[17:42] Kara**
Thanks for everything.
**[17:45] Choro**
You didn't have to.
**[17:46] Jyushi**
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
**[17:48] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu.
**[17:50] Ichi**
Here.
**[17:51] Jyu**
What?! For me?!
**[17:53] Ichi**
In our daily boring, uneventful lives as NEETS,
**[17:57] Ichi**
it's refreshing to have a
psy***path like you around.
**[18:00] Ichi**
Thanks for everything.
**[18:02] Jyu**
You didn't have to.
**[18:05] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[18:08] Ichi**
For a guy like me?!
**[18:09] Oso**
I'm pretty sure you'll never end up happier
than me in life, which puts me at ease.
**[18:16] Oso**
Thanks.
**[18:19] Ichi**
Thanks...
**[18:20] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[18:22] Kara**
Wow, wow, wow!
**[18:24] Jyu**
I'm really stupid,
**[18:25] Jyu**
but I'm pretty sure you're a
hundred times dumber than me!
**[18:30] Jyu**
Thanks!
**[18:31] Kara**
Oh, stop it.
**[18:33] Choro**
Hey, you, Trashmatsu.
**[18:36] Oso**
Finally!
**[18:38] Choro**
When are you going to die?
I'm waiting, you know.
**[18:40] Oso**
You're too kind.
**[18:42] Todo**
Hey, Totty!
**[18:44] Todo**
What is it, Totty?
**[18:46] Todo**
Here.
**[18:47] Todo**
What? For me?!
**[18:49] Todo**
Thank you for always being so cute.
**[18:51] Todo**
You're so honest! Everyone loves you!
**[18:54] Todo**
I love you.
**[18:55] Todo**
I love you, too.
**[18:58] Oso**
Well, let's dig in!
**[19:00] All**
Let's dig in!
**[19:04] Choro**
So good!
**[19:06] Jyu**
Yum!
**[19:07] Todo**
I'm in heaven!
**[19:10] Oso**
This is the best!
**[19:12] Oso**
Man, thank goodness! We actually
got chocolates this year.
**[19:17] All**
Yeah!
**[19:18] Oso**
We're so popular!
**[19:19] Five**
Yeah!
**[19:20] Todo**
Thank goodness!
**[19:29] Todo**
Thanks!
**[19:31] Choro**
I'm finally Chocomatsu!
**[19:32] Jyu**
So sweet!
**[19:34] Ichi**
It is.
**[19:37] Six**
So sweet!
**[19:38] Six**
This is the best!
**[19:47] Oso**
You're gross!
**[19:49] Choro**
You're super gross!
**[19:50] Todo**
This is too tragic!
**[19:51] Ichi**
Don't look down on me, you bastard!
**[19:53] Jyu**
Like you can talk!
**[19:55] Kara**
Like *you* can talk!
**[19:55] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[20:16] Jyu**
Are there any guys with chocolate here?
**[20:19] Five**
Anyone?
**[20:21] Person**
They're currently 40% off...
**[20:23] Jyu**
Are there any guys selling chocolate?
**[20:26] Five**
Anyone?
**[20:28] Jyu**
Are there any guys that'll
sell us chocolate?
**[20:31] Five**
Are there?
***SIGN*** Cote d'Ivoire
**[20:48] Jyu**
Kill the cacao!
**[20:50] Five**
Kill it!
**[20:52] All**
Kill them all!
**[20:54] Oso**
Die, cacao!
**[20:56] Kara**
Die, cacao!
**[20:57] Choro**
Take that!
**[21:01] Todo**
Chocolate should just
disappear from this world!
**[21:04] Jyu**
Die, cacao!
**[21:06] Five**
Die, cacao!
**[21:08] Jyu**
Die!
**[21:08] Five**
Die!
**[21:10] Six**
Die, die, die!
***SIGN*** End
**[22:45] Choro**
We ended up with extra time again.
What the heck?
**[22:50] Choro**
Well, let's do this.
**[22:52] Choro**
Wait, it's these two?
**[22:54] Toto**
Totoko...
**[22:55] Nya**
...and Nyaa's...
**[22:56] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[22:57] Both**
The Story of Snow White That
Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere.
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
The Story of Snow White
That Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere
**[23:04] Toto**
Now, I'm going to ask this
mirror some stupid questions!
**[23:09] Toto**
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the cutest of them all?
**[23:14] Nya**
That'd be Snow White.
**[23:16] Toto**
Huh?
**[23:17] Nya**
Snow White. Not you.
**[23:19] Toto**
Huh?! You've got some guts!
**[23:21] Toto**
You better watch that mouth!
Who the hell's the cutest girl in this world?!
**[23:26] Nya**
I just told you, it's Snow White!
**[23:28] Toto**
I just asked you who that is!
**[23:29] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:30] Toto**
Who?!
**[23:31] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:32] Toto**
Who?!
**[23:33] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:34] Nya**
This story's never gonna get anywhere
if you can't accept that!
**[23:38] Toto**
Like I care, you dumbass!
**[23:40] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[23:41] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[23:43] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Tidbits Collection 2"