# E18 - Just Don't
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G9DUEX4ME/just-dont)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Just Don't"
**[02:30] Nyaa**
Is his name Osomatsu-san?
**[02:32] Toto**
Hm? What about Osomatsu-kun?
**[02:35] Nyaa**
He's the youngest of the sextuplets, right?
**[02:38] Toto**
Nope. Todomatsu-kun is the youngest.
Osomatsu's the oldest.
**[02:41] Nyaa**
What? He's the oldest?
**[02:44] Toto**
Huh? Yeah.
**[02:46] Nyaa**
He's the oldest, but he acts
like that? That's hilarious.
**[02:50] Toto**
Up you go!
**[02:51] Nyaa**
I was just thinking he's pretty great.
**[02:56] Toto**
Huh?
**[02:59] toto**
You think Osomatsu-kun is... great?
**[03:02] ---**
Yeah.
**[03:03] toto**
How?
**[03:04] Nyaa**
Well, isn't he?
**[03:05] Toto**
Like, how?!
**[03:06] Nyaa**
You know.
**[03:07] Toto**
No, I don't!
**[03:08] Nyaa**
I run into him every now and then,
**[03:10] Nyaa**
and I've been wanting to
learn more about him.
**[03:12] Toto**
What? He's clearly a piece of shit.
**[03:15] Toto**
He's a forever NEET. He's a stupid,
perverted king of NEETs.
**[03:18] Toto**
What do you like about him?
He's the embodiment of failure.
**[03:21] Nyaa**
I see. So he has some issues.
**[03:24] Toto**
Yes.
**[03:26] Nyaa**
I like him.
**[03:27] Toto**
Why?! What is going on in your head?!
**[03:29] Uggo**
I get it.
**[03:32] Uggo**
There's a point in life when
guys like that seem nice.
**[03:36] Uggo**
Even if you know they're good-for-nothings,
or that they're a bad seed,
**[03:40] Uggo**
you just can't help yourself.
**[03:42] Uggo**
I mean, quiet, earnest
guys are just so boring.
**[03:46] Uggo**
They're not interesting. They lack character.
**[03:48] Uggo**
Do you understand? They're boring.
**[03:51] Uggo**
Failures are better because, you know...
**[03:55] Uggo**
Love isn't logical.
**[03:57] Toto**
Who are you again?
What was that speech about?
**[04:01] Toto**
Anyway, just forget Osomatsu-kun.
**[04:03] Toto**
I'm not kidding.
He's a worthless piece of shit.
**[04:05] Toto**
Really, he's a scumbag and a NEET. Just don't—
**[04:08] Nyaa**
Oh, shut up already.
**[04:09] Nyaa**
I was just sort of interested in him,
**[04:11] Nyaa**
and it's not like I'd know for sure
**[04:13] Nyaa**
if he's a bad guy or not
unless I actually dated him.
**[04:15] Toto**
You totally can tell with him. Nope.
**[04:17] Nyaa**
He's nice.
**[04:18] Toto**
Nope.
**[04:19] Nyaa**
He's nice!
**[04:19] Toto**
No, really, don't. No, really, don't!
**[04:24] Nyaa**
I'm allowed to fall in love
with whoever I choose.
**[04:27] Toto**
Uh, love?! Wait, wait, wait. You didn't
say anything about love earlier!
**[04:31] Toto**
Seriously, where is this coming from?
I don't understand!
**[04:33] Uggo**
I get it.
**[04:36] Uggo**
The more the people around you reject him,
the more interested you are.
**[04:40] Uggo**
The more the people around you reject him,
the more you want to defend him.
**[04:45] Uggo**
It actually excites you.
**[04:48] Uggo**
It's not logical.
**[04:50] Toto**
Who *are* you?
**[04:50] Toto**
Stop agreeing with her.
Talk her out of this.
**[04:52] Nyaa**
Oh, I know. The next time I see him,
I'll ask him for his contact info.
**[04:58] Toto**
* Shit. I don't usually like butting into*
* other people's love interests...*
**[05:02] Toto**
* But this is a special case,*
* considering who we're dealing with!*
**[05:06] Toto**
*This is an emergency!*
**[05:09] Toto**
*Please! Reach them in time!*
**[05:15] All**
What's up?
**[05:16] Jyushi**
I have no idea.
**[05:18] Jyushi**
Hey, it's an arrow with
a letter from Totoko-chan.
**[05:20] Kara**
An arrow with a letter from Totoko-chan?
**[05:22] Ichi**
Seriously?
**[05:23] Ichi**
I-If this is true...
**[05:25] Todo**
This is bad! We can't just sit here!
**[05:28] Kara**
My brothers, we need to save
this poor girl's future!
**[05:31] All**
Yeah!
**[05:39] Todo**
We're coming in!
**[05:40] Jyushi**
We're coming in!
**[05:41] Nyaa**
What? Where'd you all come from?
**[05:47] Kara**
It's a pleasure to meet you,
Hashimoto Nyaa-san.
**[05:49] Kara**
I'm the second oldest of the
Matsuno brothers, Karamatsu.
**[05:52] Ichi**
I'm the fourth son, Ichimatsu.
**[05:54] Jyushi**
I'm the fifth son, Jyushimatsu.
**[05:57] Todo**
And I'm the youngest, Totty.
**[05:59] Nyaa**
I-I see...
**[06:00] Nyaa**
Can I help you?
**[06:02] Kara**
I'll get straight to the point.
**[06:04] Kara**
When it comes to our oldest
brother... Ready, and...
**[06:07] All**
Just don't.
**[06:08] Nyaa**
Huh?
**[06:09] Todo**
No, really. He's bad news.
**[06:10] Jyushi**
He's really a piece of shit.
**[06:11] Todo**
You'll regret everything.
He'll make you unhappy.
**[06:13] Kara**
Because he's...
**[06:14] All**
A piece of shit!
**[06:15] All**
Trash!
**[06:18] Nyaa**
Um, I honestly can't imagine
him being that bad.
**[06:22] All**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[06:23] Nyaa**
I mean, everyone has one
good thing about them.
**[06:26] All**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[06:27] Ichi**
But he doesn't. Strange, right?
**[06:29] Nyaa**
Does someone like that actually exist?
**[06:31] Todo**
Yes! Weird, right?!
**[06:32] Jyushi**
These are all the terrible
things he's done in the past.
**[06:36] Nyaa**
What? He's done this much?
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
"All the terrible things he's done"
**[06:38] Nyaa**
This is vile.
**[06:39] Jyushi**
Huh? Why, yes, he is vile.
That's what we've been saying.
**[06:45] Kara**
And now, representing his countless victims,
**[06:48] Kara**
we will be talking to
I-matsu-san and T-matsu-san.
**[06:51] Kara**
Thank you for coming today.
**[06:52] Both**
Thank you.
***SIGN*** Victims of Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Victim: I-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
What kind of man is Matsuno Osomatsu?
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He's a piece of shit. He's insane.
He's not human.
***SIGN*** Victim:
T-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
Can any woman find happiness in dating him?
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Ahahaha.
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Happiness? With that trash?
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Happiness???
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
It seems he has his doubts.
***SIGN*** Victim: I-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He doesn't have any tact.
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He'll grab someone's
heart with his filthy paws,
***SIGN*** I-matsu
then stir them all up, knock
them over, and die of laughter.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
How awful.
***SIGN*** Victim:
T-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** T-matsu
He has no manners. He seriously
believes the world revolves around him.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
That devil!
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He's a walking dick.
He's a virgin manwhore.
***SIGN*** T-matsu
He's mentally 8! A 2nd grader!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
Holy crap!
***SIGN*** I-matsu
Once in a while, we hear idiots say,
"That's what makes him great"...
***SIGN*** I-matsu and T-matsu
...but as his family...
**[07:37] Kara**
You have my sympathy!
**[07:40] Jyushi**
Now, then...
**[07:41] Jyushi**
Let's ask some AIs for their evaluation.
**[07:44] Jyushi**
What's the expected value of becoming
happy with Matsuno Osomatsu?
**[07:46] Both**
We will now determine the expected value.
***SIGN*** Smelly
***SIGN*** Brat
***SIGN*** Floppy
***SIGN*** Stupid
***SIGN*** Error Danger Bug Discovered NEET Danger Unknown Piece of Shit
**[07:54] Jyushi**
This is all you need to know.
**[07:56] Chibi**
Missy, you should lay off of him.
**[07:59] Chibi**
I've been his friend since we were kids,
so I know what I'm talking about, you idjit.
**[08:02] Chibi**
Right, Hatabou?
**[08:03] Hata**
He's insane, jo! Stay away from him!
**[08:07] Chibi**
Hatabou can vouch for this, too,
and he never talks like this.
**[08:12] Mom**
Hashimoto Nyaa-san, don't do anything rash!
**[08:15] Dad**
Are you willing to let
your life go to waste?
**[08:17] Dad**
He's way more of a handful than a baby!
***SIGN*** We are against this!
**[08:20] Mom**
Just don't!
**[08:21] Dad**
Just don't!
**[08:22] Both**
Rethink your decision!
**[08:34] Kara**
Ch-Choromatsu!
**[08:36] Todo**
Nii-san...
**[08:39] Todo**
He's the one who's been
hit hardest by this news.
**[08:42] Todo**
His beloved idol used to be
married and has a child,
**[08:45] Todo**
and now, the one she fell in love with
happens to be our oldest brother.
**[08:52] Ichi**
I'm surprised you made it here alive.
**[08:54] Jyushi**
There's no way he can watch someone
he loves so much fall into misery.
**[08:58] Kara**
That's our superhero!
**[09:00] All**
You've got this!
**[09:03] Choro**
N-Nyaa-chan... You're free
to love whoever you want,
**[09:08] Choro**
but you're making a big mistake.
**[09:12] Choro**
So please, listen to our advice—
**[09:14] Nyaa**
Hey.
**[09:16] Nyaa**
Who do you think you are,
calling me "Nyaa-chan"?
**[09:20] Nyaa**
We're not friends. I don't even know you.
**[09:23] Choro**
Y-Y-Y-You don't know me?!
**[09:28] Choro**
S-So you never even acknowledged me...
**[09:33] All**
Choromatsu!
**[09:40] Nyaa**
Could you just leave now?
**[09:42] Nyaa**
I chose him. I love him.
**[09:45] Nyaa**
Just leave me alone!
**[09:46] Toto**
*Sh-Shit!*
**[09:47] Kara**
*We really need to figure something out!*
***SIGN*** Nyaa
Reverse Cupid Plan
**[10:16] Choro**
*Hello, it's me, Choromatsu.*
***SIGN*** Varanasi, India
**[10:19] Choro**
*I'm currently in Varanasi.*
**[10:22] Choro**
* My plan is to ride buses*
* until I get to London.*
**[10:27] Choro**
* I'm on this journey to forget that*
* inconceivable memory of someone*
**[10:31] Choro**
* saying that piece of shit*
* is more popular than me.*
***SIGN*** Dramatic Travelogue Choro Express
***SIGN*** ~A Journey to Reset~
**[10:42] Choro**
*Ah... Slowly, I'm feeling at peace.*
**[10:46] Choro**
*Being overseas is great.*
**[10:48] Choro**
* I think this will help me forget*
* those ominous memories.*
**[11:12] Deka**
Did you hear this?
**[11:14] Dayon**
What?
**[11:16] Deka**
I heard that the oldest Matsuno
boy is an absolute ********.
**[11:20] Dayon**
Eek! What a good-for-nothing!
**[11:26] Iyami**
Hey, miss.
**[11:28] Iyami**
What about me?
Me is basically just like him.
**[11:34] Iyami**
Sheeeh?
**[11:37] Nyaa**
Nope.
**[11:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh?!
***SIGN*** Izakaya
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Izakaya
**[11:55] Kara**
*Guys, let's do this according to plan.*
**[11:57] All**
*Yeah!*
**[11:59] Kara**
*She just doesn't know the real Osomatsu yet.*
**[12:02] Kara**
* Because of that,*
* we're going to let her meet him,*
**[12:04] Kara**
* have her face reality,*
* and bring her back to her senses.*
**[12:06] Todo**
* To do that, we need to make that*
* idiot drink as much alcohol as possible.*
**[12:10] Todo**
*He'll definitely do something if he's drunk.*
**[12:11] Todo**
*Got it?*
**[12:12] All**
*Yeah.*
**[12:13] Ichi**
* So we're letting him dig*
* his own grave. Nice plan.*
**[12:16] Jyushi**
*Who came up with it?*
**[12:18] All**
*Well done, Totty.*
**[12:20] Kara**
* Now she'll be saved. Actually, the*
* world will be one step closer to peace.*
**[12:25] Kara**
* This is an excellent*
* contribution to society.*
**[12:27] Kara**
* Put your all into this for the*
* sake of world peace, you guys!*
**[12:30] All**
*Yeah!*
**[12:31] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:32] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:33] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:34] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:35] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:36] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:37] Kara**
*All right!*
**[12:39] Toto**
*He should be showing up any minute.*
**[12:41] All**
*Yeah.*
**[12:59] Kara**
He's still not here! The hell is he doing?!
**[13:01] Ichi**
We planned to meet at six, right?!
**[13:03] Jyushi**
We did! And Osomatsu-niisan is the
one who said that time worked best!
**[13:07] Toto**
What's going on? The hell's going on?!
**[13:22] Nyaa**
He promised to meet us here,
and even picked the time...
**[13:27] Nya**
And he's late. I love it.
**[13:32] Jyushi**
He's finally here!
**[13:33] Todo**
You're late!
**[13:34] Toto**
Come on!
**[13:35] Oso**
Sorry, my bad.
**[13:37] Kara**
Where the hell were you?!
**[13:39] Oso**
Huh? Playing pachinko.
**[13:40] All**
What?!
**[13:41] Oso**
I was on a surprising roll today.
**[13:43] Jyushi**
We promised to meet up at six!
**[13:45] Ichi**
What's wrong with you?!
**[13:46] Toto**
You jackass!
**[13:49] Nyaa**
He chose pachinko over
his plans with others...
**[13:52] Nyaa**
I love it.
**[13:54] Kara**
Your bedhead is out of control.
I told you we'd be meeting with a lady today!
**[13:58] Oso**
Huh?
**[13:59] Nyaa**
I love it.
**[14:00] All**
Huh?
**[14:01] Jyushi**
Hey! We haven't toasted yet.
**[14:03] Nyaa**
He's great.
**[14:06] Nyaa**
He's great.
**[14:08] All**
Hey!
**[14:11] Oso**
Totoko-chwan!
**[14:18] Oso**
Huh?
**[14:21] Oso**
By the way...
**[14:23] Oso**
Who are you?
**[14:23] All**
Huh?!
**[14:24] Nyaa**
Oh my gosh! And he
doesn't even remember me!
**[14:28] Toto**
Yeah, there's no saving her.
**[14:28] Nyaa**
I love him!
**[14:30] All**
Yeah.
**[14:35] Choro**
*Hello. It's me, Choromatsu.*
**[14:38] Choro**
*I'm currently in Egypt.*
**[14:40] Choro**
* I heard that pieces of shit were more*
* popular, so I tried being one, and...*
**[14:46] Choro**
*I was arrested. I'm scared.*
**[14:49] Choro**
* I didn't want to be held prisoner by*
* anything anymore, so I left Japan,*
**[14:53] Choro**
* and now I'm literally a prisoner.*
* Life's pretty funny, isn't it?*
**[14:58] Choro**
*But some good things came out of this.*
**[15:02] Choro**
*I don't have time to think*
**[15:04] Choro**
* about anything other than eating,*
* going to the bathroom, and sleeping,*
**[15:09] Choro**
* so I don't let the little*
* things get me down.*
**[15:12] Choro**
*There's no envy, no self-loathing, and no hope.*
**[15:15] Choro**
* And because there's no hope, I'm in a lovely*
* state where there's also no despair.*
**[15:20] Choro**
*I don't know how much happier I am*
**[15:22] Choro**
* being a prisoner physically*
* versus being one mentally,*
**[15:25] Choro**
* but the fact that I'm thinking this way*
* might be a sign that I'm still a prisoner.*
**[15:31] Choro**
*I shouldn't feel trapped, but I do,*
**[15:33] Choro**
* but I also feel trapped by the fact that*
* I don't feel trapped over feeling trapped.*
**[15:37] Choro**
*What the hell am I even saying?*
**[15:38] Choro**
*I feel like I might go insane.*
**[15:41] Choro**
* Anyway, I'm going to try to live life*
* without being held prisoner by anyone.*
***SIGN*** Izakaya
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Izakaya
**[15:54] Oso**
I see. You're the girl from back then.
**[15:56] Nyaa**
Yes. You were a lifesaver!
**[15:59] Oso**
Hey, no problem.
**[16:02] Ichi**
He's getting pretty drunk.
**[16:04] Jyushi**
Yeah.
**[16:05] Oso**
Hey, you've been acting
kinda bashful around me.
**[16:08] Oso**
Could it be...
**[16:09] Oso**
that you like me?
**[16:10] Nyaa**
Huh?
**[16:13] Oso**
Just kidding!
**[16:15] Ichi**
*He's gonna do something.*
**[16:16] Todo**
*Do it!*
**[16:17] Jyushi**
*Freak her out!*
**[16:17] Oso**
Uh? Hello? Do you like me?
**[16:18] Kara**
*Make her hate you!*
**[16:20] Oso**
You wanna go out with me, then?
Wanna go on a date?
**[16:25] Nya**
Yes.
**[16:27] Five**
Huh?
**[16:28] Nyaa**
I would... like to date you.
**[16:32] Nyaa**
Please.
**[16:59] Jyushi**
What's going on?
**[17:00] Jyushi**
He's actually going out on a
date with someone that cute!
**[17:03] Kara**
This world is messed up. It's insane.
**[17:06] Ichi**
Everything we've been taught
up until now has been a lie.
**[17:10] Ichi**
You'll always get punished
if you do something wrong?
**[17:13] Todo**
Nah. I mean, obviously you win
out if you're a piece of shit.
**[17:16] Jyushi**
But God is watching!
**[17:17] Kara**
The hell he is! Did he doze off?!
**[17:20] Todo**
So did anyone find Choromatsu-niisan?
**[17:23] Ichi**
He's still missing.
**[17:25] Ichi**
That poor bastard.
**[17:26] Ichi**
Hopefully he's alive somewhere.
**[17:28] All**
Yeah.
**[17:29] Jyushi**
Should we file a missing person's report?
**[17:30] Todo**
Nah, we don't need to go that far.
**[17:33] Kara**
And what are we gonna do about that?
**[17:35] Kara**
He hasn't come out at all.
**[17:39] Kara**
Hey, Osomatsu.
**[17:40] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan! Come out!
**[17:42] Kara**
The hell are you doing? Actually,
how did you even get under there?
**[17:45] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, drag him out.
**[17:47] Jyushi**
Aye!
**[17:51] Jyushi**
I can't. He's super strong.
**[17:53] Jyushi**
I feel an unbreakable will
as strong as a demon's.
**[17:55] Todo**
What?
**[17:56] Ichi**
Hey, jackass. You've got a
date tomorrow afternoon.
**[17:59] Ichi**
Remember to go, and don't be late.
**[18:03] Kara**
Huh? He's saying something.
**[18:05] ---**
What?
**[18:07] Jyushi**
That was so quiet. What'd you say?
**[18:10] Jyushi**
He said, "I don't know."
**[18:12] Kara**
What doesn't he know?
**[18:14] Jyushi**
He doesn't know what he doesn't know.
**[18:16] All**
Huh?
**[18:19] Jyushi**
He doesn't know anything.
**[18:21] Jyushi**
"I don't know."
**[18:22] Oso**
I don't know. I don't know.
**[18:24] Jyushi**
"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know."
**[18:28] Kara**
Wait, what? What's going on?
**[18:31] Totty**
Ooh, Totty's figured it out!
**[18:34] Totty**
So basically...
**[18:36] Totty**
You ass!
**[18:37] Totty**
You're scared, aren't you?!
**[18:39] Kara**
Seriously?! That's so lame!
**[18:40] Jyushi**
So lame!
**[18:41] Ichi**
So lame!
**[18:42] Kara**
You said you'd go, so go!
**[18:45] Todo**
Where'd your cockiness go?!
**[18:47] Ichi**
Are you all talk?!
**[18:52] Todo**
The hell?
**[18:55] Jyushi**
"Someone wear this."
**[18:57] Jyushi**
"Make yourself look like me."
**[19:00] Jyushi**
"And go on this date in my place"?!
**[19:03] All**
You're awful, you know that?!
**[19:06] Jyushi**
Don't run! No hiding!
**[19:07] Todo**
That's just super rude to Nyaa-chan!
**[19:09] Ichi**
At least have the balls to
turn her down yourself!
**[19:12] Jyushi**
Come down here, you jerk!
**[19:13] Todo**
This is who you are?
You're such a disappointment!
**[19:15] Ichi**
Oldest brother, my ass!
**[19:17] Kara**
Hold it.
**[19:18] Kara**
That's enough.
**[19:20] Kara**
I can understand how
Osomatsu must be feeling.
**[19:23] Todo**
K-Karamatsu-niisan...
**[19:27] Kara**
Have no fear, Osomatsu.
**[19:29] Kara**
I'll go on this date for you.
**[19:31] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:32] Todo**
No!
**[19:33] Kara**
Huh?
**[19:34] Todo**
She'll figure it out immediately,
plus it's honestly really rude.
**[19:39] Todo**
I'll go on this date.
**[19:40] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:41] Jyushi**
I'll go.
**[19:42] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:44] Ichi**
Okay, I'll go.
**[19:47] Kara**
I wanna go on a date, too!
**[19:48] Todo**
I wanna go on a date!
**[19:49] Jyushi**
I want someone to love me!
**[19:50] Ichi**
I want to be popular!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[21:40] Nyaa**
I'm sorry!
**[21:42] Nyaa**
I-I'm so sorry!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:44] Oso**
Sorry to keep you waiting,
all you dog lovers out there!
**[23:47] Oso**
The next episode of *Mr. Osomatsu* is "Dogs!"
***SIGN*** "Dogs" etc.
**[23:50] Oso**
To all you crayfish lovers out there,
you'll have to wait a little longer!