E16 - Space Pirates / Gourmet Episode / The Cutie Next Door
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] Pirate
I stole it all...
[00:11] Pirate
Money,
[00:13] Pirate
weapons,
[00:15] Pirate
authority,
[00:17] Pirate
and women.
[00:20] Sha
Everything in this world was my prey.
[00:27] Guy
That's...
[00:30] Guy
The space pirate Shaazar!
[00:32] Guy2
It's Shaazar!
[00:51] Sha
But I'm reaching the end of the line.
[01:05] Sha
Boredom is evil.
[01:24] Guy
All right! We've finally got him!
[01:27] Guy
Shoot him down with everything we've got!
[01:33] Guy
Wait! That's...
[01:40] Sha
I've decided to reset everything.
[01:43] Sha
This life, my memories...
[01:46] Sha
I'm going back to nothingness,
and going down a new path.
[01:53] prof
This is rather commendable, Shaazar-sama.
[01:57] Prof
You have a life anyone would be envious of,
and such a beautiful face.
[02:01] Prof
Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
[02:10] Prof
This way.
[02:23] Prof
How unfortunate.
[02:25] Prof
I guess even the great pirate
has no choice but to run away
[02:29] Prof
if the Empire is after him.
[02:32] Android
That's not it.
[02:33] Prof
Huh?
[02:33] Android
He's not running away. He's become
bored with this whole universe.
SIGN 20 Years Later
[02:49] Guy
We've finally found you,
Space Pirate Shaazar!
[02:52] Guy 2
To think you'd change your face
to this just to get away from us.
[02:56] Guy
Give it up! We know you're Shaazar!
[03:01] Dayon
Nope, I'm not!
SIGN Space Pirates
[03:04] Dayon
I'm just Dayon!
[03:07] Guy
You can't fool us! No human
actually looks like that!
[03:11] Dayon
You've got the wrong guy!
[03:13] Guy
It's Shaazar! Fire!
[03:15] Deka
Hold it!
[03:16] Deka
What's all this fuss about?
[03:19] Guy
Who the heck's this guy?
[03:20] Guy
He's suspicious, too.
Are you the real Shaazar?!
[03:23] Deka
What?!
[03:24] Guy
Fire!
[03:25] Deka
You've got the wrong guy!
[03:27] Guy
No one dresses like that on purpose!
[03:30] Guy
It's Shaazar! Fire!
[03:31] Deka
Wait!
[03:33] Iya
What's going on here?
[03:35] Guy
Are you the real Shaazar?!
[03:36] Iya
Huh?!
[03:37] Guy
No one looks that evil to begin with!
[03:40] Guy
It's Shaazar! Fire!
[03:41] Iya
Sheeeh!
[03:42] Iya
You've got the wrong guy!
[03:44] Guy
Wh-Which one is the real Shaazar?!
[03:46] Dayon
It's him!
[03:48] Guy
Fire!
[03:48] Deka
It's him!
[03:49] Guy
Fire!
[03:50] Iya
It has to be you!
[03:51] Guy
Fire!
[03:51] Dayon
It's him!
[03:52] Guy
Fire!
[03:53] Deka
It's him!
[03:53] Guy
Fire!
[03:53] Iya
It has to be you!
[03:54] Guy
Fire!
[03:54] Dayon
It's him!
[03:55] Guy
Which one is the real Shaazar?!
[03:57] Deka
It's him!
[03:58] Guy
Fire!
[03:58] Iya
It has to be you!
[03:59] Guy
Fire!
[03:59] Dayon
It's him!
[04:00] Guy
Fire!
[04:00] Deka
It's him!
[04:01] Iya
It has to be you!
[04:01] Guy
Fire!
[04:02] Dayon
It's him!
[04:02] Guy
Fire!
[04:02] Deka
It's him!
[04:03] Guy
Fire!
[04:03] Iya
It has to be you!
[04:04] Dayon
It's him!
[04:04] ---
Fire!
[04:04] ---
Fire!
SIGN End
[04:05] ---
Fire!
[04:07] ---
Fire!
SIGN "Gourmet Episode"
[05:43] Ichi
So good.
[05:44] Jyushi
Yum!
[05:45] Mom
It's so good! I didn't think it'd be so good.
[05:48] Mom
I underestimated him.
[05:49] Oso
Right? Chibita's oden is the best!
[05:53] Chibi
Oh, stop, you idjit. But my oden's
got spirit, if nothing else.
[05:59] Mom
What's the matter, dear?
[06:02] Dad
It's not a big deal, really.
[06:03] Dad
I'm just surprised you can all fuss over
this oden when it's not even good.
[06:07] All
Huh?
[06:08] Chib
Whaddya say, you idjit?! Say it again!
[06:11] Dad
Yeah, I'll say it as many times as you want.
[06:14] Dad
This isn't something you
can actually call oden.
[06:18] Dad
It's just some hodgepodge
made by some amateur!
[06:22] Totty
Who the heck are you?
[06:23] Oso
What's wrong, Dad? Why are you
acting like someone else?
[06:26] Kara
What kind of switch is this?!
[06:28] Dad
Listen up, chef. The atmosphere is
really important when you're eating.
[06:34] Dad
I'm going to be blunt...
[06:36] Dad
It's frickin' cold out here.
[06:38] Chibi
Uh, it's a food stall, so of
course it's cold, you idjit.
SIGN Hybrid Oden
[06:41] Chibi
What're you talkin' about?
[06:43] Dad
You don't even have the right equipment.
These are disposable chopsticks.
[06:46] Chibi
Because it's a food stall.
[06:47] Dad
And the mustard is hot!
[06:49] Chibi
Duh. It's mustard.
[06:50] Dad
All of those things are
making your oden taste bad.
[06:54] Chibi
You're the one making it taste bad! Leave!
[06:57] Dad
Listen up, everyone. If you want to eat
some real oden, this time next week,
[07:02] Dad
come to this place.
SIGN Matsuboshi
[07:05] Dad
I'll serve you all the best oden in Japan.
SIGN Akatsuka Tribune
[07:13] Guy
Hey, Matsuno-kun! You still have work to do!
[07:17] Guy
Matsuno-kun!
SIGN Matsuboshi
[08:02] Dad
That's it.
SIGN Matsuboshi
SIGN Matsuboshi
SIGN 30 Minutes Later
SIGN Matsuboshi
SIGN 2 Hours Later
[08:35] Dad
No one came!
SIGN End
SIGN "The Cutie Next Door"
[08:49] Oso
S-So cute!
[08:51] Jyu
She's cute!
[08:52] Totty
Yeah, she's super cute!
[08:53] Kara
She's beautiful.
[08:54] Choro
She's lovely.
[09:00] Todo
So, what's important here is how
we become acquainted with her.
[09:04] Choro
Right... They do say first
impressions are important.
[09:08] Jyu
How to greet her, huh?
[09:10] Oso
How to greet her...
[09:12] Ichi
Huh?
[09:23] Oso
Wh-Wh-Wh-What are we
supposed to do with this?!
[09:26] Kara
What are we going to do? Her bra came
over before we could even go say hi!
[09:30] Totty
How does this happen?!
[09:32] Ichi
Sh-Should we go return it?
[09:35] Todo
Huh? And say, "You dropped your bra?"
[09:37] Todo
Talk about the worst first impression.
[09:38] Oso
All right. Should we just keep it, then?
[09:40] Choro
Are you stupid?
[09:41] Jyu
Should we just eat it?
[09:42] Kara
Are you stupid?
[09:43] Oso
What are we going to do?! Do virgins
usually have to face such challenges?!
[09:47] Six
What should we do?!
[09:48] Six
What are we going to do?!
[09:49] Kinko
Pardon me!
[09:58] Todo
Who would've thought
she'd come and get it?
[10:04] Oso
Her name is Inuyama Kinko.
Kin-chan for short.
[10:09] Oso
Ever since then, her bras
show up every once in a while.
[10:14] Kinko
It blew away again.
[10:16] Choro
This isn't really something
to laugh about, Kin-chan.
[10:18] Kara
We're virgins over here.
[10:20] Oso
The more bras that came flying
over, the closer we got.
[10:25] Jyu
We're home!
[10:26] Kin
Hey, NEETs.
[10:28] Jyu
Kin-chan!
[10:30] Kin
Heya!
[10:32] Kin
Here, this is for you guys.
[10:35] Jyu
What is it?
[10:36] Kin
They're sweets from back home.
[10:37] Kin
I wanted to thank you guys
for always finding my bras.
[10:40] Jyu
What? Really?
[10:42] Kin
Give some to your parents, too. See ya!
[10:49] Oso
Kin-chan's so cute.
[10:51] Choro
She's so lovely.
[10:53] Kara
Kin-chan, we love you!
[10:55] Totty
You're super cute!
[10:56] Oso
So cute!
[10:57] Jyu
Kin-chan!
[11:01] Toto
Kin-chan? Who's that?
[11:04] Oso
Make sure your bras don't
come flying over again!
[11:07] Toto
Someone who has bras flying
over there? Who is she?
[11:10] Choro
Kin-chan!
[11:11] Kara
Kin-chan!
[11:12] Toto
Who? Who's Kin-chan?!
[11:14] Six
Kin-chan!
[11:15] Toto
Seriously, who is she?!
SIGN A Few Days Later
[11:19] Oso
Hey, there's trouble!
[11:21] All
Huh?
[11:22] Oso
Kin-chan says she wants
to go on a date with us!
[11:24] All
What?!
[11:25] Totty
Seriously?!
[11:26] Jyu
Why?!
[11:26] Kara
Wow, wow, wow!
[11:28] Oso
Apparently she's still not used to Tokyo,
so she wants us to show her around.
[11:33] Choro
Sheeeh! When?
[11:34] Oso
Tomorrow!
[11:35] All
Tomorrow?!
[11:38] Ichi
Tomorrow's not going to work.
[11:39] Ichi
We promised Totoko-chan...
[11:43] Ichi
that we'd go to a sale with her so she
can let us carry all her stuff for her.
[11:47] Ichi
It's a very blessed day.
[11:49] Toto
Is it heavy, you guys?
[11:52] All
Not at all!
[11:53] Oso
Oh, crap! That's tomorrow?
[11:56] Kara
How could you double-book, you fool?!
[11:58] Oso
We don't have any other choice...
but to decline Totoko-chan's offer.
[12:02] Choro
Huh?
[12:03] Choro
Can we actually do that?
Won't we get killed?
[12:05] Oso
Well, you know, Kin-chan's...
[12:08] Choro
Oh, right...
SIGN Totoko-chan
SIGN In call
[12:18] Toto
Hello?
[12:22] Kara
T-Totoko-chan?
[12:24] Toto
What is it, Karamatsu-kun?
[12:27] Kara
Um... About tomorrow...
[12:30] Toto
Yeah?
[12:32] Toto
What? What? What?!
[12:35] Toto
You can't come?!
[12:43] Toto
What's that supposed to mean?
[12:47] Toto
You promised me, didn't you? So why?
[12:51] Kara
Well, uh, something came up...
[12:53] Toto
Something came up?
[12:55] Toto
So you don't want to come on our date?
[12:58] Kara
Non, non! No, no, no, non, Totoko-chan!
[13:00] Choro
Of course we want to go!
And we're grief-stricken over this, but...
[13:03] Toto
Really?
[13:05] Choro
Yes! Totally grief-stricken!
[13:07] Choro
Right, Jyushimatsu?
[13:09] Jyu
My insides are exploding!
I can't believe we can't go!
[13:15] Toto
Okay, fine.
[13:16] Toto
I'll never ask you guys out again.
[13:18] Toto
Bye!
[13:22] Ichi
Totoko-chan's amazing...
[13:24] Oso
When'd she learn how to do that?
[13:27] Jyu
Someone praise me.
SIGN The Next Day
[13:29] Toto
Hmph!
[13:31] Toto
How dare they cancel on me
at the last minute? Those idiots.
[13:35] Toto
Oh, well. I guess I can try
holding my own bags for once.
[13:41] Toto
Huh?
[13:43] Toto
What? Why?
[13:45] Toto
Was the thing that came up...
[13:48] Kin
Let's go.
[13:49] Jyu
Where do you want to go, Kin-chan?
[13:51] Toto
There's that Kin-chan again!
[13:52] Toto
Who's Kin-chan? Who's this Kin-chan?
[13:54] Toto
Who is she?!
[14:01] Toto
Oh-ho... I see.
[14:04] Toto
So basically, when you're that
unpopular, I'm out of your league.
[14:09] Toto
That's why they're targeting
a commoner instead.
[14:12] Toto
Yes, they can't help it.
[14:14] Toto
I'm just too cute! They are
virgins, after all, yes.
SIGN Fresh
Juice
[14:18] Toto
They look like they're having fun.
It's good that I let them do this. Yes.
[14:22] Toto
They're so close. I guess they don't
get as nervous with a commoner. Yes.
[14:35] Kin
Hey, what do you think of this?
[14:37] Todo
Huh? I'm not so sure...
[14:39] Kin
No way! It's cute, isn't it?
[14:41] Oso
Yeah, I'm not sure...
[14:42] Choro
I'm not sure if it suits you, Kin-chan.
[14:44] Kin
What? I look good, don't I?
[14:46] Ichi
It doesn't look good on you at all.
[14:47] Kin
What?
[14:51] Oso
Where should we go next?
[14:52] Oso
Pachinko? The horse races?
[14:54] Jyu
Jingu? Dome?
[14:56] Kin
I dunno. There are so many choices.
[14:59] Choro
Huh?
[15:00] Ichi
What's wrong?
[15:01] Choro
Look over there.
[15:02] All
Huh?
[15:03] Choro
Isn't that... Totoko-chan?
[15:24] Kin
What? What's going on?
[15:30] Kara
She's super pissed!
[15:33] Jyu
Not good.
[15:34] Todo
Choromatsu-niisan,
get me something to drink.
[15:36] Choro
Buy it yourself!
[15:38] Choro
Honestly...
[15:48] All
T-Totoko-chan!
[15:50] Choro
We're sorry! Please forgive us!
[15:51] Choro
It's all our fault, Totoko-chan!
[15:53] Toto
I am not Totoko. I'm a vending machine.
[15:56] Toto
Please insert 130 yen.
[15:58] Kara
Really, we're sorry!
[16:00] Choro
Please forgive us, Totoko-chan!
[16:01] Toto
I am not Totoko. Please insert 130 yen.
[16:05] Kara
You're freaking us out!
[16:06] Choro
Come on, please!
[16:08] Toto
Buy some drinks.
SIGN Izakaya
[16:26] Choro
S-So, this is Kin-chan...
[16:30] Toto
Who? Who's Kin-chan?
[16:32] Kin
N-Nice to meet you.
[16:34] Toto
Nice to meet you.
[16:35] Kin
My name is Inuyama Kinko.
[16:37] Toto
I am a vending machine.
[16:40] Choro
Y-You see, there's a good reason for this.
[16:44] Choro
We didn't pick one over the other.
[16:47] Toto
It's fine. I'm not mad.
[16:50] Toto
I don't care who you hang out with.
I'm not your girlfriend.
[16:54] Toto
Of course you'd prefer this date instead.
[16:57] Toto
Who would want to go out with an uncute
girl who'd make you hold all her bags?
[17:01] Choro
Huh? But you're the cutest, Totoko-chan!
[17:04] Toto
I'm not cute.
[17:05] Jyu
But you are!
[17:06] Toto
How am I cute? I get mad
easily, and I'm selfish.
[17:09] Toto
That's not cute at all.
[17:11] Ichi
No, you are.
[17:12] Toto
I'm not.
[17:13] All
You're cute!
[17:14] Toto
I'm not.
[17:15] All
You are!
[17:16] Toto
I'm not.
[17:17] All
You are!
[17:18] Toto
I'm not.
[17:20] Oso
Yeah, you're not cute at all.
[17:25] Oso
What's with you, Totoko-chan? Are you that
mad we had to cancel at the last minute?
[17:29] Oso
You're acting weird today.
[18:02] Todo
Totoko-chan. Sorry, he's an idiot.
[18:06] Todo
Don't let him get to you.
[18:08] Todo
We're the ones who double-booked, and he
tried to overlook that fact. He's an idiot.
[18:21] (Flashback) Kin
Oh, sorry. Don't worry about it.
I'll hold my own things.
[18:25] (Flashback) Kin
This is perfect for you.
[18:27] (Flashback) Kin
Why don't we rest a bit?
This is tiring, isn't it?
[18:32] (Flashback) Kin
This one!
[18:35] (Flashback) Todo
It doesn't look good at all!
[18:36] (Flashback) Oso
Let's pick something else.
[18:40] (Flashback) Kin
Gosh, you guys are so picky.
[18:50] Todo
What's wrong?
[18:52] Toto
I'm going home.
[18:53] Todo
Huh? But why?
[18:54] Todo
Everyone's waiting for you.
[18:56] Toto
Forget it. It's too much trouble.
[19:00] Todo
What's too much trouble?
[19:11] Toto
Huh?
[19:14] Kin
Um... They explained everything to me,
[19:19] Kin
and it seems like they
changed their plans for me
[19:22] Kin
since I'm going back home tomorrow.
[19:25] Toto
Going home?
[19:26] Choro
Yeah. She's in town now to visit a relative.
[19:31] Choro
She's going home tomorrow,
so today was the only day.
[19:35] Oso
I guess we should've just said that.
[19:37] Oso
We're sorry, Totoko-chan.
[19:39] Kin
I'm so sorry!
[19:41] Kin
They promised you first,
but I ended up intervening...
[19:47] Oso
Hey, you don't need to apologize, Kin-chan.
[20:05] Toto
Why?! Why are you apologizing?!
[20:12] Toto
Who? Who's Kin-chan? Ugh!
[20:18] Todo
Uh, what?
[20:20] Oso
I have no idea...
[20:21] Toto
Who's Kin-chan?!
SIGN The Next Day
[21:12] Oso
Well, there she goes.
[21:15] Kara
Hopefully she'll come visit again.
[21:17] Jyu
Maybe over summer vacation.
[21:19] Todo
Thanks for coming, Totoko-chan.
[21:21] Choro
We're relieved you two made up.
[21:28] Toto
Hey.
[21:32] Toto
Listen up. I'll forgive Kin-chan,
because she was a nice girl.
[21:36] Toto
However... However!
[21:40] Toto
You have the cutest girl of all,
Yowai Totoko, right next to you!
[21:44] Toto
So stop letting your eyes wander like that!
[21:47] All
Yes, ma'am!
[21:48] Toto
Totoko is number one!
[21:49] All
Yes, milady!
[21:50] Toto
No question.
[21:52] All
Yes, milady!
[21:53] Toto
The cutest!
[21:54] All
Yes, milady!
[21:56] Oso
Um, just wondering... What are the chances
you'll go out with one of us someday?
[22:01] Toto
Huh?
[22:02] Toto
Yeah... I don't see that happening.
[22:05] All
Yes, milady!
SIGN End
SIGN Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
[23:39] Choro
Next week is a story about a mysterious girl
[23:42] Choro
who appears at a traditional
inn in the countryside.
[23:44] Choro
What's her secret?
[23:46] Choro
Did you figure it out?
That's what I thought, too.
SIGN "Punishment!" "Inn" etc.
[23:49] Choro
Just the sound of the word
"inn" makes it sound pervy.