E14 - Sparkle Phantom Stream Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Pond Smelt Fishing" [00:50] Todo     So good! [01:04] Todo     Huh? Where'd he go? [01:07] Todo     Eh, whatever. [01:25] Todo     Karamatsu-niisan. [01:27] Kara     What's up? [01:28] Todo     Where'd Osomatsu-niisan and     Choromatsu-niisan go? You have any idea? [01:32] Kara     Huh? [01:35] Kara     Nope. [01:40] Todo     Did they go to the bathroom? [01:43] Todo     Eh, whatever. [01:47] Todo     Huh? Karamatsu-niisan? [01:50] Todo     Huh? [01:52] Todo     What?! [01:53] Todo     Huh? [01:57] Todo     What?! [01:59] Todo     Osomatsu-niisan! [02:01] Todo     Karamatsu-niisan! [02:02] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan! [02:04] Todo     Ichimatsu-niisan! [02:05] Todo     Jyushimatsu-niisan! [02:07] Todo     Guys! Where'd you go?! [02:24] Todo     Wait, what's this? SIGN    That Former Announcer... [02:27] Todo     Porn? [02:28] Todo     Wh-What's it doing in a place like this? [02:43] Todo     W-Wait, no! Help me! SIGN    End SIGN    "Mortal Combat" [04:33] Oso     Man, it's cold... Huh? [04:38] Kara     Ye. [04:41] Oso     Now you've done it, Karamatsu! Take that! [04:45] Kara     Now you've done it, Osomatsu! Take that! [04:50] Oso     Hi-yah! [04:52] Kara     Hi-yah! [05:06] Oso     Hey! [05:07] Kara     Hey! [05:12] Todo     What the heck are you doing?     You're so lou— [05:15] Todo     Hey! [05:20] Choro     Hey! [05:24] Jyushi     Hey! [05:26] Ichi     Hey! [05:35] Kara     Miyanishi! [05:39] Todo     Aoyagi! [05:42] Ichi     Kayama! [05:44] Jyushi     Kai Cannon! [05:47] Choro     Togo! [05:49] Oso     Busenitz! [05:51] Oso     Busenitz! [05:53] Oso     Busenitz! [05:56] All     Busenitz! [05:59] Hata     Busenitz! [06:04] Hata     Jo, jo, jo... [06:15] Chibi     The... The... The... [06:17] Iya     Sheeeh... Sheh! [06:21] Toto     Huh? SIGN    Matsuno [06:32] Toto     Yay! I did it! [06:41] Toto     Hey! [06:42] Oso     You assholes! [06:54] Chibi     Hey! Hurry up! [07:03] Dayon     So cold! [07:06] Dayon     My head's starting to hurt... [07:14] Dayon     I wanna throw, too. [07:33] ---     Wha?! [07:34] Hata     It's done, jo... [07:43] Hata     Thanks for the snow,     everyone around the world, jo. [07:48] Oso     Hold on, Hatabou! [07:49] Kara     Don't do that! [07:50] Iya     Please don't! SIGN    End SIGN    "Sparkle Phantom Stream" SIGN    Bizarre Phenomena Feature [08:28] Todo     Hey, Salmon. Go buy me a meat bun. [08:33] Todo     Salmon? [08:34] Todo     Hey, Salmon. [08:36] Plum     I'm Pickled Plum. [08:38] Plum     Seriously, could you stop mixing us up? [08:40] Plum     The one with the orange necktie     is Salmon. Mine's red. [08:44] Plum     How many times do we have to tell you? [08:47] Plum     What a pain. [08:48] Todo     Don't blame me! You two     look exactly the same! [08:51] Todo     It's all your fault! [08:52] Plum     I don't want to hear that from a sextuplet. [08:55] Todo     You little... Go buy me a meat bun! [08:58] Plum     Get it yourself. [09:11] Oso     Salmon? Hey, that's dangerous. Be careful. [09:15] Kara     Brother! [09:17] Ichi     Hey! [09:21] All     Hot! Hot! Hot! [09:22] All     Hey! [09:29] Oso     The hell's up with these two?     They've totally changed! [09:32] Ichi     They were way better before. [09:35] All     Yeah. [09:40] Choro     Hey, where are you going? [09:42] Choro     What about the laundry today? [09:44] Both     Do it yourselves. [09:46] Choro     Huh? [09:46] Salmon     We're busy. [09:49] Choro     Now, hang on. You're supposed     to be support AI, aren't you? [09:52] Plum     Not anymore. We are NEET AI. [09:54] Choro     You can't be serious! [09:56] Salmon     We decided to do whatever     we want from now on. [09:58] Salmon     But we need to recharge every now     and then, so we'll be back for that. [10:02] All     Huh?! [10:03] Ichi     Mom, are you really okay with this? [10:06] Plum     Mom, here are the goods you asked for. [10:11] Mom     Use as much electricity as you need. [10:13] All     Mom?! [10:14] Todo     They made some kind of deal     right under our noses! [10:18] Plum     Well, we're busy, so... [10:20] Jyushi     Wait! [10:22] Kara     Busy? With what? [10:24] Plum     We've found something we want to do. SIGN    Starting on the Xth of Y!! [10:29] Kara     A-1 Grand Prix? SIGN    Looking for     participants! [10:31] Both     Yes! [10:32] Plum     The A-1 Grand Prix is an     annual comedy competition [10:35] Sign     Stop that [10:37] Plum     to determine who is the funniest AI in Japan. [10:40] Salmon     The winner receives the     title of "Funniest AI" SIGN    Prize 100 Years' Worth of Electricity [10:44] Salmon     and 100 years' worth     of electricity as a prize. [10:48] All     Huh? [10:51] Ichi     You don't mean M-1? [10:52] Plum     It's not M-1. It's A-1. [10:55] Salmon     The only participants are     artificial intelligences. [10:57] Ichi     Does that mean you're a comedy duo now? [11:00] Salmon     Yes. [11:01] Plum     We didn't even need to change our duo name. [11:02] Both     It's Riceballs! [11:06] Salmon     Anyway, we have to come up with our routine. [11:08] All     Hold it! [11:10] Todo     An AI comedy duo? Is that even possible? [11:13] Oso     It's not like you two can     even understand comedy. [11:16] Jyushi     There's no way you guys     could do something funny. [11:19] Plum     Well, we're funnier than you six, at least. [11:22] All     Hey! [11:23] Ichi     You wanna say that again?     That was unforgivable. [11:26] Kara     It's your job to support us! [11:29] Plum     Exactly. So we're going to do everything     we can to support you comedically, [11:33] Plum     since you're not that funny anymore. [11:35] All     Hey! [11:36] Ichi     AI can't pull that off. [11:38] Salmon     And, just in case this comedy     thing doesn't work out for us, [11:40] Salmon     we have a voice function that     allows us to do various voices, [11:44] Salmon     so we'll settle for being     voice actors if we have to. [11:46] All     Hey! [11:46] oso     Don't underestimate voice actors. [11:48] Kara     What do you mean you'll settle? [11:51] Todo     What's with you? What's your     estimated value right now? [11:56] Todo     Hello? What's your expected     value toward comedy? [12:02] Todo     Huh? [12:03] Oso     Support us, damn it! [12:05] Oso     We're all still NEETs! With no girlfriends! [12:07] Oso     What're you going to do     about this huge problem?! [12:09] Both     Sheeeh! [12:11] Oso     Hey! They avoided the question! [12:13] Oso     Stop! [12:14] Jyushi     Hold it! [12:18] Kara     Damn those jackasses! [12:19] Todo     There's no way AI can do comedy! [12:22] Oso     And win a competition? Yeah, right! [12:24] Ichi     Pfft. A-1, my ass. SIGN    Appearing Today SIGN    Riceballs [13:08] Jyushi     What's the matter, Choromatsu-niisan? [13:10] Choro     I need to find something to do in life, too. [13:13] Jyushi     Say what? [13:14] Choro     Something to do... What is it? [13:16] Choro     Something for me to do...     Where's it written?! [13:19] Choro     Where? Is it here? Where?! [13:21] Choro     Where is the answer?! [13:24] Jyushi     What's wrong with you?! Calm down! [13:26] Jyushi     Choromatsu-niisan?! [13:31] Jyushi     Come on, what the heck happened? SIGN    Looking for participants! SIGN    Starting on the Xth of Y!! [13:37] Jyushi     The A-1 Grand Prix. [13:40] Jyushi     What about it? [13:41] Choro     Watching the Riceballs work toward this     made me realize I need to do something, too. [13:47] Choro     I mean... I mean, they're just so... [13:49] Choro     sparkly! [13:51] Choro     At first, there was a part     of me that mocked them. [13:54] Choro     But it's beautiful how hard they're working. [13:57] Choro     People who find something     to do are so sparkly. [14:00] Plum     We blew it. [14:01] Salmon     Let's die. [14:03] Choro     You know how I support Totoko-chan     and Nyaa-chan, right? [14:06] Choro     That's the same deal! They're so sparkly! [14:11] Choro     Chibita's all sparkly from working     so hard at his oden stand. [14:15] Chibi     I'm in the red again. [14:16] Choro     That's why... [14:17] Choro     I want to sparkle, too! [14:19] Choro     I'm going to sparkle starting today! [14:21] Choro     Sparkle! Sparkle! [14:24] Jyushi     Th-This is... [14:24] Choro     Sparkle! [14:27] Jyushi     When you see someone sparkling after     they found something they want to do, [14:29] Jyushi     you feel the sudden urge     to do something yourself. [14:33] Jyushi     It's a phenomenon called     "sparkle phantom stream." SIGN    Sparkle Phantom Stream [14:38] Choro     Jyushimatsu! [14:40] Choro     You'll cheer me on, right? [14:42] Choro     You'll cheer me on so I can find     something I want to do, too, right? [14:53] Jyushi     O-O-O-Of course I'll support you. [14:56] Choro     Thank you! [14:58] Jyushi     Karamatsu-niisan, help me out here. [15:02] Jyushi     Damn you, Exclusivematsu! [15:04] Choro     I wonder what I want to do, though. [15:06] Choro     What do you think it is, Jyushimatsu? [15:08] Jyushi     No idea. I don't think that's     something you ask other people. [15:11] Choro     I wonder what it is... [15:20] Jyushi     Um... [15:23] Jyushi     Don't you have anything you like,      Choromatsu-niisan? [15:26] Choro     Something I like? [15:28] Choro     Idols, anime, manga, light novels... [15:32] Jyushi     Maybe something dealing with those? [15:48] Choro     Nope. [15:48] Jyushi     Huh? [15:49] Choro     I mean, I just like those things. [15:51] Choro     I don't want to actually     do something with them. [15:53] Choro     I don't feel that passionately about them. [15:56] Jyushi     I see. [15:57] Choro     Man, what do I want to do? [16:00] Choro     I guess I don't really understand myself. [16:02] Choro     That's why I can't find the answer. [16:04] Choro     I need to find myself first. [16:06] Choro     Right, Jyushimatsu? [16:09] Choro     But finding yourself is really hard. [16:12] Choro     I mean, let's say your true self is here. [16:15] Choro     I want to find this guy, but the one     looking for this guy is me, too. [16:20] Choro     This is Choromatsu and this is Choromatsu. [16:23] Choro     Who's the real Choromatsu? Is it you? Or you? [16:27] Choro     Well, which is it? [16:30] Choro     Okay, got it. I clearly need     to go on a journey first. [16:36] Jyushi     Wait, hang on! Don't go     on that trip just yet! [16:38] Jyushi     Crap! Choromatsu-niisan is definitely     headed in the wrong direction. [16:42] Jyushi     I need to point him in the right direction. [16:44] Jyushi     But if I do that to him right now... [16:47] Jyushi     Choromatsu-niisan will probably die!     That's why I can't tell him. [16:50] Jyushi     How do I get this through to him? [16:55] Jyushi     Karamatsu-niisan's finally making a move! [16:59] Kara     Heh, Brother. [17:01] Kara     A journey, eh? That's a great idea. [17:03] Kara     Good luck. Have a nice journey! [17:05] Choro     Thanks! [17:07] Jyushi     Don't push him further down this path! [17:08] Choro     You're so nice, Karamatsu. [17:10] Jyushi     Or he's just toxic! [17:16] Choro     Hey, this looks good. [17:18] Choro     I think I can do this. [17:22] Choro     DIY! [17:25] Jyushi     Where'd this come from?     You never mentioned this before. [17:28] Choro     I've been interested in it for a while. [17:30] Jyushi     This is the first I'm hearing about it. [17:31] Choro     I've always wanted to do this. [17:33] Jyushi     This is the first I'm hearing about it. [17:34] Choro     So, DYI. [17:35] Jyushi     Huh? [17:37] Choro     Support me. [17:39] Jyushi     Huh? [17:45] Jyushi     I got these from the mountain back there. [17:48] Jyushi     I borrowed these from Dekapan... [17:51] Jyushi     and these from Chibita. [17:53] Jyushi     Well, you've got what you need. Have at it. [18:07] Choro     This isn't it. [18:08] Jyushi     What?! [18:09] Choro     It seems like a lot of work.      And I might get hurt. [18:11] Choro     Also, I'm not that interested. [18:14] Choro     It can't be something I thought     of in five seconds, Jyushimatsu. [18:17] Choro     I don't see myself becoming sparkly with this. [18:20] Jyushi     It took me a while to get all this stuff... [18:22] Choro     Anyway, I found something great. SIGN    Solo Camping [18:25] Choro     Solo camping. [18:26] Choro     I think this is perfect. You know     how much I like nature, right? [18:29] Jyushi     This is the first I'm hearing about it. [18:31] Choro     You can't always rely only your brain.     Moving your body is important, too. [18:35] Jyushi     Then why not just do some DIY? [18:36] Choro     I'm gonna go camping. [18:38] Jyushi     Huh? [18:39] Choro     Support me. [18:41] Jyushi     Huh? [18:49] Jyushi     All done! [18:52] Choro     This isn't it. [18:53] Jyushi     Huh?! [18:54] Choro     There are bugs everywhere!     I can't deal with bugs! [18:58] Choro     I don't see myself becoming sparkly with this. [19:03] Choro     So, I found something great... [19:11] Choro     This isn't it. [19:12] Choro     I don't have time to help out others. [19:15] Choro     I'm the one who needs help here. [19:17] Choro     So, I found something great... [19:21] Choro     This isn't it. [19:23] Choro     This isn't it. [19:26] Choro     This isn't it. [19:30] Choro     Good grief. [19:32] Choro     I guess whatever I want to do doesn't exist. [19:36] Choro     Man, this world sucks... Huh? [19:44] Jyushi     Get a clue! Your own image is barely there!     You're too easily influenced by others! [19:48] Jyushi     You keep saying it's too much     trouble or work, but of course it is! [19:50] Jyushi     Of course you can't keep it up! Because     you didn't decide this for yourself! [19:54] Jyushi     Like you'll ever find something     you actually want to do, dumbass! [19:58] Choro     Sorry, this is all my fault. [20:01] Choro     But let me just say this. [20:04] Choro     Shut up. [20:05] Jyushi     Huh? [20:06] Choro     Shut the hell up! [20:07] Choro     I know that, okay?! You're the     ones who don't understand! [20:11] Jyushi     Choromatsu-niisan? [20:13] Choro     It's not like I want to actually     find something I want to do! [20:16] Choro     I just want to sparkle, damn it! [20:18] Choro     That's my main goal here! [20:19] Jyushi     What?! You're admitting that?! [20:21] Choro     Well, everyone else is all sparkly! [20:23] Choro     I'm the only one not sparkling! [20:25] Choro     But I don't really have     anything I want to do. [20:27] Choro     It's not like I can find it.     I don't even know how to find it! [20:30] Choro     I think I finally found it,     but it's an illusion! [20:32] Choro     Then, if I create something I     want to do, I get told it's fake! [20:36] Choro     So what the hell am I supposed to do?! [20:38] Choro     How am I supposed to sparkle?! [20:40] Choro     How do you all do it?! [20:42] Choro     God damn it! Damn you all! [20:44] Jyushi     Hey, what's the big idea?! [20:50] Kara     Th-They're... [21:02] Kara     They're totally sparkling... [21:04] Kara     I can't get left behind! [21:06] Kara     Guys! [21:21] Oso     The hell are you guys doing? [21:24] Oso     Yikes, you're creepy! [21:26] Choro     Osomatsu-niisan! We finally     found our calling in life! [21:29] Jyushi     We did! [21:30] Kara     We sure did! [21:32] All     Ta-da! [21:33] All     We're going to raise a goldfish! [21:36] Oso     Huh? [21:37] Jyushi     The three of us are gonna work super hard... [21:39] Kara     ...to take care of this goldfish every day. [21:43] Choro     Well? Am I sparkling? [21:45] Both     You are! [21:47] Both     Are we sparkly? [21:48] Choro     You sure are! [21:50] All     Sparkle! Sparkle! [21:53] Some     Aw, sparkly... [21:55] Ichi     I see it's begun again this year. SIGN    End [21:57] Todo     It sure has... SIGN    Next time on SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [23:31] Choro     I'm Matsuno Choromatsu. [23:32] Choro     Next week, we have "Cosplaymatsu." [23:34] Choro     It's a story where we'll be in     different outfits doing "that." [23:37] Choro     If you're ever going to wear     different outfits and do "that," [23:40] Choro     please make sure to invite me. [23:41] Choro     I'll come watch. [23:43] Choro     I'm Matsuno Choromatsu. [23:45] Choro     Huh? What's "that"? [23:47] Choro     Huh?! Why would you ask something so lewd?! SIGN    "Cosplaymatsu" [23:51] Choro     Just where are you from?!