E12 - The Eitarou Family

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa 3"
[00:11] Totoko
    What should I do?
[00:12] Totoko
    This isn't good. Not good at all.
[00:17] Totoko
    What should I do?
[00:19] Totoko
    This isn't good. I might be in real trouble.
[00:25] Totoko
    What should I do?
[00:27] Totoko
    I'm troubled. Will anyone hear me out?
[00:32] Totoko
    If you don't hear me out,
    I might end up in worse trouble.
[00:36] Totoko
    The absolute worst might happen!
[00:39] Totoko
    Seriously, what should I do?
[00:42] Nyaa
    Shut up!
[00:43] Nyaa
    What's with you? You're ruining my liquor.
[00:46] Nyaa
    Is something bothering you?
[00:48] Totoko
    Huh?
[00:49] Totoko
    No, it's nothing. I'll be fine.
[00:53] Nyaa
    You're so annoying!
[00:55] Nyaa
    You're hinting at it so much,
    and when I finally ask,
[00:57] Nyaa
    you act like nothing's wrong! I hate you!
[01:02] Totoko
    You see, I...
[01:03] Nyaa
    Now she's telling me anyway!
[01:05] Toto
    I'm thinking about quitting being an idol.
[01:08] Nyaa
    Huh?
[01:10] Nyaa
    Wh-What's wrong? Did something happen?
[01:14] Nyaa
    Tell me, even though I might
    not be able to say much about it.
[01:18] Nyaa
    I mean, we're always
    here drinking together.
[01:24] Toto
    Sorry. Is it okay to tell you?
[01:26] Nyaa
    Yeah.
[01:27] Toto
    You see...
[01:29] Toto
    I was just thinking that idols...
[01:30] Chibi
    What?!
[01:31] Chibi
    They're hearing out each other's problems?
[01:33] Chibi
    What the heck is this?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
[03:07] Ei
    One, two, three, four, five,
SIGN    "The Eitarou Family"
[03:13] Ei
    six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
[03:19] Ei
    Are you ready?
[03:22] Jyu
    I'm ready!
[03:32] Ei
    Huh?
[03:34] Ei
    Jyushimatsu, where are you?
[03:38] Ei
    Okay, I give up. Come out, Jyushimatsu!
[03:47] Jyu
    Boba!
[03:51] Ei
    A-Amazing! You're amazing, Jyushimatsu!
[03:55] Ei
    So cool!
[03:58] Ei
    What the heck is that?!
[04:02] Ei
    So cool!
[04:05] Ei
    What?!
[04:08] Jyu
    Boeh!
[04:09] Ei
    Amazing!
[04:11] Jyu
    Boeba!
[04:12] Ei
    You're too amazing!
[04:17] Ei
    So cool!
[04:20] Ei
    You really are the best, Jyushimatsu.
[04:23] Ei
    I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
[04:26] Jyu
    Eitarou, you should call me "Master."
[04:30] Ei
    You're amazing, Jyushimatsu.
[04:32] Jyu
    You should call me "Master."
[04:34] Ei
    I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
SIGN    Muscle Power
[04:38] Ei
    Thanks, Master!
[04:41] Both
    Jyushimatsu is super popular.
[04:45] Both
    The crows gather and the dogs bark.
[04:49] Both
    Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu.
[04:53] Both
    I said Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu.
[04:56] Both
    Cheers!
[05:03] Ei
    Sigh...
[05:04] Ei
    I wonder if I can ever
    be like you, Jyushimatsu.
[05:08] Jyu
    I dunno. It's not really something
    you can become just by wanting to.
[05:12] Ei
    I see...
[05:15] Jyu
    But I'm sure you can.
[05:18] Ei
    I can, huh?
[05:19] Ei
    All right! I'm gonna do my best!
[05:23] Todo
    Huh?
[05:24] Todo
    What are they doing? Who is that kid?
[05:27] Ichi
    Apparently he's Jyushimatsu follower.
[05:29] Todo
    Follower?!
[05:30] Ichi
    Yeah.
[05:31] Ichi
    An unfortunate grade-schooler
    who was bewitched by Jyushimatsu's
[05:35] Ichi
    excitement and physical form.
[05:36] Todo
    Say what?
[05:37] Ichi
    You've never seen him?
[05:39] Ichi
    He's been waiting outside our house lately.
[05:42] Todo
    Waiting outside our house?
    For Jyushimatsu-niisan?
[05:45] Ichi
    This isn't good.
[05:46] Todo
    Of course it's not. He totally looks
    up to him for all the wrong reasons.
[05:50] Ei
    Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
[05:51] Ichi
    Youthful passion, huh...
[05:53] Todo
    No surprise he'd get into that.
[05:53] Both
    Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
[05:55] Ichi
    It's like a hard drug...
[05:56] Both
    Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
[06:01] Ei
    Say, Jyushimatsu.
SIGN    Muscle  Power
[06:03] Ei
    Say, Master.
[06:04] Jyu
    Yeah?
[06:05] Ei
    This is just something I heard,
[06:07] Ei
    but are you something
    called a "NEET, "Jyushimatsu?
[06:09] Jyu
    Huh?! A NEET?
[06:11] Ei
    What's a NEET?
[06:13] Jyu
    Huh?
[06:13] Jyu
    Uh...
[06:16] Jyu
    It's a position in baseball.
[06:18] Both
    A position in baseball?!
[06:19] Ei
    A position in baseball?
[06:21] Jyu
    It's a position between second and
    shortstop, called NEET for short.
[06:24] Jyu
    Bring it!
[06:25] Ei
    Huh? Then... does that mean you're a
    professional baseball player, Jyushimatsu?!
[06:30] Jyu
    Yeah. I'm in an independent league, though.
[06:33] Ei
    Wow... You really are amazing!
[06:36] Ichi
    He is amazing. He's actually lying to a kid.
[06:41] Ei
    Also, what's a cherry boy?
[06:43] Jyu
    I love cherries.
[06:45] Ei
    Really?
[06:47] Both
    Really?
[06:48] Jyu
    All right, Eitarou. Today,
    I'll teach you a secret technique.
[06:52] Ei
    A secret technique? Finally?
[06:54] Ei
    I've been waiting my whole life for this!
[06:56] Jyu
    And it's called...
[06:58] Jyu
    Final...
[07:00] Jyu
    Fart Rush.
[07:01] Ei
    Final Fart Rush!
[07:03] Ei
    What's that? Hurry up and
    show me, Jyushimatsu!
[07:07] Ei
    Hurry, hurry!
[07:08] Ichi
    Final Fart Rush?!
[07:10] Todo
    Don't sound so interested.
[07:12] Jyu
    Okay, here we go.
[07:18] Jyu
    Final... Fart Rush!
[07:24] Ei
    That's an amazing rush!
[07:26] Ei
    How do you do that?
    How does your body even work?!
[07:35] Ei
    You really are the best, Jyushimatsu.
[07:38] Ei
    I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
[07:43] Ichi
    To be frank, at the time,
[07:46] Ichi
    I thought he was going to get
    punished in some way for this.
[07:49] Todo
    Yeah.
[07:51] Ichi
    But it was interesting,
    so I decided not to say anything.
[07:54] Todo
    Yeah. We totally let it go.
SIGN    One Week Later
[07:58] Ichi
    And then, one day...
[08:00] Ei
    Hup! Take that!
[08:04] Ei
    Yay!
[08:05] Ei
    Reversing two-seam fast pitch!
[08:06] Ei
    Thanks for the steal!
[08:08] Ei
    Sorry for the trouble machines!
[08:10] Ei
    Boeh! Boeba!
[08:13] Ei
    Boeh! Boeba!
[08:16] Mom
    Matsuno-san, what's going on here?
[08:20] Jyu
    Well, uh...
[08:23] Mom
    He's clearly imitating you, isn't he?
[08:26] Jyu
    Uh, is he?
[08:29] Jyu
    I don't know if we can say that for sure.
[08:31] Ei
    Look, look, Master!
[08:32] Mom
    "Master"?
[08:34] Mom
    Did you teach my son something?
[08:36] Jyu
    No, no...
[08:37] Mom
    Did you brainwash him?
[08:38] Jyu
    No, no, no!
[08:39] Ei
    It's no use!
[08:41] Ei
    I just can't do it the way
    you taught me, Master.
[08:45] Mom
    How often are you seeing my son?
[08:49] Jyu
    Huh? Uh... Maybe once a month?
[08:53] Ei
    We see each other every day!
[08:54] Jyu
    Eitarou-kun?!
[08:56] Mom
    Every day...
[08:57] Mom
    Pardon me for asking,
    but what is your occupation?
[09:00] Ei
    He's a NEET!
[09:01] Jyu
    Eitarou-kun!
[09:02] Ei
    He's a professional baseball player
    in an independent league,
[09:04] Ei
    who plays the position
    between second and short!
[09:07] Jyu
    Eitarou-kun!
[09:08] Ei
    He's also a cherry boy!
[09:10] Jyu
    Eitarou-kun!
[09:26] Mom
    What is he...
[09:27] Jyu
    Oh, that's uh, um...
[09:29] Mom
    Eitarou.
[09:30] Jyu
    Ma'am.
[09:31] Mom
    Eitarou.
[09:32] Jyushi
    Ma'am! Let's not ask!
[09:34] Mom
    Eitarou, what are you doing?
[09:36] Ei
    It's the Final Fart Rush!
[09:38] Mom
    Huh?
[09:38] Jyushi
    Eitarou-kun!
[09:40] Mom
    Final Fart Rush?
[09:42] Ei
    Yup! Master taught it to me!
[09:44] Jyu
    Eitarou-kun!
[09:46] Mom
    What might that be?
[09:48] Jyu
    Pardon?
[09:49] Mom
    What exactly is Final Fart Rush?
[09:55] Ei
    It's a joke.
[09:57] Mom
    A joke?
[09:57] Ei
    Yeah! And it's super funny!
[10:01] Mom
    Matsuno-san, pardon me for asking,
[10:04] Mom
    but would you mind doing it right now?
[10:06] Jyu
    Right now? Right here?!
[10:08] Mom
    I would love to see it.
[10:10] Jyu
    W-Well, I'm not sure...
[10:12] Ei
    Come on, do it!
[10:14] Ei
    But I'm warning you, Mom...
    You'll definitely laugh!
[10:17] Ei
    You'll be in stitches!
    You're lucky to be able to see it.
[10:20] Jyu
    Eitarou!
[10:23] Mom
    If you would.
[10:26] Jyu
    U-Um... Do you promise not to get mad?
[10:31] Mom
    Of course.
[10:33] Mom
    I'm the one asking you to do it.
[10:37] Jyu
    Okay...
[10:38] Ei
    Yes! The Final Fart!
[10:40] Ei
    We get to see the Final Fart!
[10:41] Ei
    Huh?
[10:51] Jyu
    Final...
[10:54] Jyu
    Fart Ru—
[10:58] Mom
    I-I'm so sorry. I couldn't hold back.
[11:03] Jyu
    No, no...
[11:04] Jyu
    Please don't worry about it.
[11:06] Mom
    What should I do?
[11:08] Jyu
    I'm the one at fault here.
[11:09] Mom
    I'm so sorry.
[11:12] Ei
    You look funny!
[11:16] Mom
    Matsuno-san... No, Master...
[11:19] Jyu
    Huh?
[11:20] Mom
    I'm sorry for being critical.
[11:23] Jyu
    Huh?
[11:24] Mom
    I asked you over to the house
    because I had a favor to ask you.
[11:31] Todo
    They move around a lot?
[11:32] Jyu
    Yeah.
[11:34] Jyu
    Apparently Eitarou is constantly
    moving because of his dad's job.
[11:40] Jyu
    Because of that, he hasn't really
    been able to make any friends.
[11:43] Jyu
    His mom said he's always been
    a really lonely and sad little kid.
[11:47] Todo
    Huh... But since he met you...
[11:51] Ichi
    ...he became a happy, energetic kid.
[11:55] Jyu
    His mom ended up asking me
    to keep hanging out with him.
[12:03] Ichi
    That's a bit iffy, isn't it?
[12:05] Todo
    Yeah. It'd be better for him if he could
    be friends with the kids at school.
[12:10] Jyu
    Yeah...
[12:12] Todo
    What are you going to do?
[12:13] Jyu
    Hmm...
[12:16] Jyu
    I have no choice.
[12:18] Jyu
    I'll have to make up more jokes.
[12:21] Both
    Huh?
[12:23] Both
    Hop, step, and then...
[12:25] Ichi
    Uh, Jyushimatsu?
[12:25] Both
    Crash with all your might!
[12:27] Todo
    Eitarou-kun? Why would you need
    those jokes to make friends?
[12:33] Todo
    Wait, what's wrong with his family?
    There's something wrong here!
[12:38] Eitarou
    Sheeeh!
[12:40] Ichi
    Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's not even his!
[12:42] Todo
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
    that's someone else's!
SIGN    Comedy
SIGN    Heart Technique Physique
SIGN    Get the  laughs
SIGN    Jyushimatsu Style License Eitarou-dono
[12:54] Both
    What?
[13:01] Mom
    I wonder if Eitarou will be okay...
[13:04] Mom
    Is that joke really funny?
[13:06] Jyu
    Don't worry. He'll be able to...
[13:09] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
[13:12] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
[13:12] Mom
    Such confidence!
[13:15] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle!
[13:15] Ei
    Here I go!
[13:29] Ei
    I did it!
[13:30] Ei
    Jyushimatsu, look! When I did that joke,
    I made a ton of friends!
[13:36] Ei
    It's all thanks to you, Jyushimatsu!
[13:37] Jyu
    Yes. Well done, my apprentice.
[13:41] Jyu
    You did it, Eitarou!
[13:44] Ei
    Yeah!
[13:46] Ei
    Yay! I did it!
[13:47] Jyu
    You did it! You did it!
[13:48] Ei
    Thanks, Jyushimatsu!
[13:49] Mom
    Thank goodness I took a chance on him.
    Good for you, Eitarou.
[13:50] Jyu
    No problem!
[13:55] Ei
    Oh, and also, Jyushimatsu...
[13:57] Ei
    I even got a girlfriend.
[14:01] Jyu
    Eitarou...
[14:03] Jyu
    You're expelled!
[14:05] Jyu
    You're expelled!
[14:06] Jyu
    You're expelled!
[14:14] Jyu
    How dare you surpass your Master?!
[14:16] Mom
    Amazing!
[14:17] Mom
    M-Master!
[14:19] Mom
    Master! Make me your apprentice!
[14:21] Jyu
    No more apprentices!
[14:22] Mom
    Master!
[14:24] Jyu
    I'm telling you, no more apprentices!
[14:26] Mom
    Please!
[14:27] Jyu
    Nope!
SIGN    End
[14:40] Deka
    How boring.
SIGN    "Give Them Back"
[14:42] Deka
    Nothing's happening. I feel so down.
[14:51] Deka
    Wh-What are you doing?
[14:53] Deka
    Don't! Hey!
[14:58] Deka
    Now you've done it. Give them back.
[15:04] Deka
    Give them back.
[15:09] Deka
    Hey!
[15:13] Deka
    Give them back!
[15:20] Deka
    Give them back!
[15:34] Deka
    Now I'm feeling much better. Thank you.
[15:38] Deka
    It's hard to figure out what
    you're really thinking,
[15:41] Deka
    but you're actually a kind soul.
[16:21] Deka
    Give them back!
[16:36] Deka
    Give them back! Hey!
[16:41] Deka
    Give them back!
[16:42] Toto
    Eek! A pervert!
[16:44] Toto
    Mommy!
[16:45] Deka
    Y-You've got it all wrong!
    This is his fault!
[16:49] Aida
    That hat looks really good on you.
[16:51] Todo
    Really?
[16:52] Deka
    Give them back!
[16:54] Todo
    Hey, you bastard!
[16:57] Oso
    I lost...
[16:58] Ichi
    This sucks.
[17:00] Deka
    Give them back!
[17:02] Ichi
    What?
[17:04] ---
    Whoa, hey!
[17:07] Ei
    Make me your apprentice again!
[17:11] Deka
    Hold it!
[17:14] Ei
    Jyushimatsu!
[17:16] Jyu
    Boeh!
[17:17] Ei
    Boeh!
SIGN    Don't run!  It's dangerous!
[17:21] Deka
    Give them back!
[17:27] Deka
    Give them back!
[17:31] Choro
    What are you doing?
[17:33] Choro
    What, what, what?
[17:34] Kara
    Wh-Wh-Wh-What is this?!
[17:36] Kara
    What? What? What?!
[17:41] Choro
    Isn't this a bit long?
[17:43] Kara
    What the hell?!
[17:45] Deka
    Give them back!
[17:47] Deka
    That's enough! I'm being serious here!
[17:51] Deka
    Seriously, give them back!
[17:52] Deka
    Hey!
[18:01] Deka
    What are you trying to do?
[18:02] Deka
    What are you thinking?
[18:05] Deka
    Hey!
[18:06] Deka
    Hold it!
[18:09] Deka
    Give them back!
[19:39] Deka
    Hot, hot, hot!
[20:42] Deka
    Give them back!
[20:47] Deka
    I'll never forgive you!
[20:48] Deka
    Did you hear me?!
    I'll never forgive you for this!
[20:54] Deka
    Give them back!
[20:57] Deka
    Give them back!
[21:00] Deka
    Hey!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa 4"
[22:39] Toto
    That's what's been on my mind lately.
[22:42] Toto
    So I was thinking it might
    be time to call it quits.
[22:46] Toto
    I seriously don't know what to do.
[22:48] Nya
    I see... That sucks...
[22:51] Nya
    Doesn't it?
[22:51] Toto
    Ow! Hot, hot, hot! Hot, hot, hot!
[22:54] Toto
    Hot!
[22:56] Nyaa
    My eyes! My eyes!
[22:58] Nyaa
    Take that!
[23:04] Toto
    The hell are you doing?!
[23:36] Nya
    Bitch!
[23:37] Toto
    The hell?!
[23:39] ---
    Damn it!
[23:42] Toto
    Disappear!
[23:44] Toto
    You stupid Hashimoto!
SIGN    End
[23:46] Toto
    Die!
[23:47] Toto
    Uggo!
[23:48] Nyaa
    You're the uggo!
SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "End of the Year" etc.
[23:49] Todo
    The end of the year comes for us NEETs, too.
[23:51] Todo
    That's both good and bad.