E11 - Pizza Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Do It" [01:38] Oso     I'm cold. I'm tired. [01:40] Oso     Karamatsu, are we going to make it in time? [01:42] Kara     We should probably hurry a bit. SIGN    New Machines!! SIGN    Open at 10:00 Today [01:44] Kara     The place opens at 10. [01:46] Oso     Man, NEET life sure is busy. [01:51] Oso     So... [01:52] Oso     Why are they coming with us? [01:53] Both     Sheeeh! [01:55] Oso     They keep doing that lately. What's with that? [01:58] Kara     They say they want to     understand "sheeeh" better. [02:00] Both     Sheeeh! [02:00] Oso     Huh? [02:00] Kara     But they keep getting the timing     and the technique wrong. [02:04] Shake     Can we ask you a question,     Shitty Eldest Brother? [02:07] Oso     Don't call me that. [02:09] Shake     When are you supposed to use "sheeeh"? [02:11] Oso     Huh? How the hell should I know? [02:13] Oso     You just sorta do it. [02:14] Kara     Hmm... [02:16] Kara     Maybe it's when we're surprised. [02:18] Both     Surprised? [02:18] Oso     Nah, these guys are emotionless morons.     They wouldn't understand that. [02:22] Kara     I see. In that case... [02:24] Kara     When something unexpected happens. [02:27] Both     Something unexpected? [02:31] Both     We have adjusted our algorithm. [02:33] Ume     By the way, why do you use "sheeeh"? [02:36] Kara     Why?! Huh?! [02:37] Kara     Um... [02:39] Kara     Well... because it's funny, I guess? [02:42] Ume     How would you describe "funny"? [02:45] Oso     Oh, shut up. Stop making us use our     brains this early in the morning. [02:48] Oso     This is why you AI suck. [02:51] Kara     Osomatsu... [02:54] Oso     Riceballs. [02:56] Oso     Ta-da! [02:58] Kara     Sheeeh! [03:00] Shake     You mustn't strip naked in public! [03:02] Ume     It's indecent exposure! [03:03] Oso     No, do it! [03:04] Kara     This is when you use "sheeeh"! [03:12] Kara     Hey, it's Totoko-chan. [03:14] Oso     You're right. She's so cute. [03:17] Toto     Oh? [03:19] Toto     What are you doing, Osomatsu-kun     and Karamatsu-kun? [03:22] Kara     Well, uh... [03:23] Oso     We're headed to pachinko. [03:25] Toto     Ah... [03:26] Oso     What are you up to? [03:27] Toto     Dance practice. [03:29] Kara     R-Really? Well, do your best! [03:32] Toto     Say, you two. [03:33] Toto     You showed up at the perfect time.     I have a favor to ask. [03:37] Oso     Huh? [03:40] Kara     Huh?! [03:41] Kara     Y-You want to hear your value     as an idol... one more time? [03:46] Toto     Yup! [03:47] Toto     Because last time, they were too     nervous after meeting my cute self. [03:51] Toto     I think that's probably why they     gave me such a weird score. [03:55] Toto     So I wanted to get the right score this time. [03:59] Kara     Yeah, but... you know... [04:01] Kara     Right? [04:03] Oso     I don't see why not. [04:04] Kara     Hey! You fool! [04:06] Toto     Please! [04:09] Toto     I want to know. [04:12] Kara     Totoko-chan... [04:15] Kara     I see. [04:17] Kara     So your idol career isn't going very well... [04:21] Totoko     Yeah... I'm not popular at all. [04:25] Totoko     I don't even stand a chance     against my super uggo partner. [04:28] Totoko     Does no one want to see a fish idol? [04:31] Kara     That's not true! You're super cute! [04:34] Kara     And fish are super healthy. [04:36] Kara     You can prepare them all sorts of ways! [04:37] Oso     Huh? [04:38] Shake     May we do the "sheeeh" now? [04:40] Ume     May we do the "sheeeh" now? [04:41] Oso     No, no, no, absolutely not! [04:44] Oso     You can't do it when     things are this serious! [04:47] Oso     I mean, it is pretty unexpected to see     Totoko-chan lose confidence like this... [04:52] Oso     But she'll lose her shit     if you do that right now. [04:55] Oso     Just keep quiet! [04:58] Oso     Pieces of junk... [05:02] Toto     Maybe I'm not that cute after all. [05:05] Rice     Shee— [05:08] Oso     What the hell are you doing?! [05:12] Both     Ow. [05:12] Oso     That was absolutely not the time to do that! [05:15] Shake     But Yowai-san being so insecure... [05:18] Ume     ...is completely unexpected. [05:21] Oso     No. You're not reading the room. [05:27] Toto     Okay, I'm counting on you.     Give me my correct value as an idol. [05:32] Both     As you wish. We will determine     your estimated value. [05:40] Shake     The results are in. [05:41] Ume     Your estimated value... [05:54] Both     ...is 100! [05:59] Oso     Okay, excuse us for just one moment! [06:02] Oso     What the hell are you two doing?! [06:04] Both     Ow. [06:04] Oso     How did she suddenly get 100? [06:06] Both     We tried reading the room. [06:08] Oso     That's all wrong. She wants     an accurate value right now. [06:12] Oso     This wasn't the time to flatter her. [06:17] Toto     It's my fault, isn't it? [06:20] Toto     Because I flip out when     you give me a low score. [06:23] Toto     But today, I really want to know my real score. [06:28] Toto     I promise I won't get mad. Really! [06:32] Oso     Totoko-chan... [06:35] Both     The results are in! [06:36] shake     Your estimated value... [06:38] ume     ...is 2. [06:45] Oso     Uh... she's pretty pissed, isn't she? [06:47] Kara     W-Will they be okay? [06:50] Both     Totoko-chan?! [06:55] Toto     How about now? [06:56] Shake     Your estimated value... [06:58] Ume     ...is 1. [07:04] Oso     I thought she promised not to get mad? [07:06] Kara     Will they be okay? [07:11] Toto     Okay, this! [07:12] Ume     That's shit. [07:21] Shake     Old guy who sexually harasses others. [07:22] Both     Totoko-chan! [07:24] Ume     Old lady who likes to cut in line. [07:29] Ume     A pinch-hitter who strikes out looking. [07:33] Ume     A middle reliever who just     throws four balls and leaves. [07:40] Toto     Okay, here's my last outfit. [07:45] Toto     I'm sure this won't work, though. [08:00] Both     The results are in! [08:01] shake     Your estimated value... [08:03] ume     ...is one million points! SIGN    1,000,000 [08:05] Both     Dat-dadada! [08:10] Toto     Huh? [08:11] Both     Of course! [08:12] Kara     Totoko-chan! That's the best! [08:14] Shake     Yes. There's no doubt this value is correct. [08:18] Ume     Cats have maintained stable     popularity, even online, [08:21] Ume     and so many more people will like you     better now that you're not a fish. [08:24] Kara     Man, that's great! I guess     cats are better than fish. [08:30] Kara     Huh? [08:31] Toto     What's so wrong with fish?     Why are cats so much better? [08:38] Both     Sh-Sheeeh! [08:43] Both     Do it! [08:45] Both     Shee— [08:45] Both     Too late! SIGN    The Grave of Osomatsu and Karamatsu [08:59] Shake     Guess we did it again. [09:01] Ume     We sure did. [09:02] Shake     We fail as support AI. [09:04] Ume     We sure do. [09:09] Both     Ta-da! [09:21] Both     Do it! SIGN    End SIGN    "Pizza" [09:55] Choro     Huh? [09:56] Choro     Pizza? [09:57] Choro     You're gonna order? [09:58] Todo     We're not ordering any. [09:59] Choro     Huh? [10:00] Todo     We're not ordering any, but we're talking     about what we would order if we did. [10:06] Choro     So it's just hypothetical? [10:07] Todo     Yeah. Hypothetical. [10:09] Choro     What a total waste of time. [10:12] Ichi     What would you get? [10:14] Choro     Huh? [10:16] Choro     Can we order as many as we want? [10:19] Ichi     Let's just say two. [10:20] Todo     We've gotta stick to a budget.     I mean, you're a NEET, Choromatsu-niisan. [10:23] Choro     So are you! [10:26] Choro     We're all going to eat these, right? [10:28] Todo     Of course. [10:29] Choro     Let's see... I wonder... SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! SIGN    Now even thicker! [10:33] Choro     Hey, maybe this one. The Gluttonous Four. SIGN    Now even thicker! SIGN    Enjoy 4 kinds      of pizza in one!! [10:36] Choro     We'll get the cheapest combination     to keep the price down, [10:39] Choro     and we can ask for eight kinds in total,     so that should keep everyone satisfied. [10:43] Todo     Well, that's boring. [10:44] Choro     Huh? [10:45] Ichi     God, you're boring, Fappymatsu-kun. [10:47] Ichi     How simple are you?     That's not the point here. [10:51] Choro     But wait. We're all eating them, right? [10:54] Choro     If we get lots of different kinds,     we're less likely to get the wrong— [10:57] Todo     So boring. [10:58] Choro     Stop saying that. [11:00] Todo     We're just saying what we'd get     if we hypothetically ordered pizza. [11:03] Todo     Why are you being all logical about it? [11:05] ichi     You have such a puny imagination.     You'll never get big or go anywhere. [11:10] Choro     The hell is your problem?! [11:11] Choro     Why do I have to get dissed this     much over hypothetical pizza?! [11:15] Choro     You know, you guys always     make fun of me like this, [11:18] Choro     but it's the rest of you that are messed up! [11:20] Choro     I'm the most normal one     out in the real world! [11:23] Choro     I'm gonna end up the happiest! [11:24] Choro     Morons like you can spend the rest of     your lives eating imaginary pizza! [11:27] Choro     You dumbasses! You pieces of trash! [11:29] Todo     God, what a filthy mouth, you delinquent. [11:32] Choro     What the hell would you pick, then?! [11:34] Tood     What? I think one piece     of pizza is enough for me. [11:37] Todo     They have way too many calories.     I gotta think about my beautiful face. [11:40] Both     You piece of shit. [11:41] Todo     Huh? [11:42] Choro     You're just a piece of shit. [11:43] Choro     Stop talking about calories and your     stupid face when we're talking about pizza! [11:47] Ichi     What's with you? Do you     actually think you're popular? [11:50] Ichi     I'm pretty sure, no,     positive that you're not. [11:52] Choro     Not to mention how he's like,     "I'm totally in with girls. I totally get it," [11:57] Choro     but it's just all talk.     He never has anything to show for it. [12:02] Ichi     It's all a facade. [12:03] Choro     Oh, and one more thing. If you're not careful,      guys are gonna hate you. [12:07] Ichi     No one wants a guy who's hated by other guys. [12:10] Choro     Nope. [12:11] Both     No one wants you. [12:16] Choro     Damn, you're tough. [12:17] Ichi     So what are we going to do about the pizza?      Let's hurry up and decide. SIGN    Half off     when you pick it up!! [12:21] Todo     Well, you pick. [12:22] Ichi     Huh? [12:23] Choro     You haven't said anything yet, Ichimatsu. [12:25] Choro     Which one would you get? Tell us. [12:27] Ichi     Nah, I'm good. [12:29] Both     Wait, wait, wait. [12:31] Todo     Tell us. You're not getting out of this now. [12:34] Todo     Why are you trying to run? [12:36] Choro     This guy has no problem dragging others, [12:39] Choro     but when the attention's on him,     he immediately runs away. [12:42] Todo     Surprisingly, Ichimatsu-niisan has way     more pride than you, Choromatsu-niisan. [12:46] Ichi     Shut up! [12:47] Choro     He's also a cocky braggart. [12:48] Ichi     Shut up. [12:49] Todo     And the most childish. [12:50] Ichi     Shut up. [12:51] Choro     A wittle babby. [12:51] Ichi     Shut up. [12:52] Todo     Maybe we should get you some     babby fwood instead of pwizza. [12:55] Choro     Wittle babby boy. [13:00] Choro     So what crust should we get? [13:02] Todo     I like thin crust. [13:04] Choro     'Cause it lacks substance, like you? [13:05] Todo     Wha? [13:06] Ichi     I want some cola. [13:07] Choro     That's a waste of money! We have tea at home. [13:10] Todo     God, you're stingy. [13:11] Ichi     Boring. [13:12] Choro     Huh? [13:13] Ichi     If you're that worried about money, SIGN    Half off     when you pick it up!! [13:15] Ichi     go pick it up. It makes it half price. [13:19] Both     Then you go pick it up! [13:20] Ichi     Huh? [13:21] Choro     Quit running your mouth     and use your damn feet. [13:25] Todo     Wait, do I sense trouble coming? [13:27] Ichi     Definitely trouble. [13:31] Choro     Why are you so wet? [13:33] Choro     What were you doing? [13:34] Jyushi     I went for a walk. [13:35] Choro     In this rain? [13:36] Jyushi     It just started raining out of nowhere. [13:39] Choro     It wasn't out of nowhere.     It's been raining all day. [13:42] Choro     Hey! [13:44] Jyushi     Whatcha doin'? [13:45] Jyushi     Ooh, pizza! [13:46] Jyushi     Are we ordering some? [13:48] Todo     Nope. We're just talking about what     we'd hypothetically get if we did. [13:52] Jyushi     So you're delusional. [13:53] Todo     Not quite. [13:54] Choro     What would you get? We're     getting two. We're all sharing. [13:57] Jyushi     What? Let's see... [14:01] Jyushi     I want Chinese food! [14:03] All     Huh? [14:04] Ichi     Did you hear a word we just said?     We gave you a prompt. [14:07] Jyushi     A prompt? [14:08] Ichi     We told you to pick a pizza. If you say     you want Chinese, what's the point? [14:13] Choro     You don't understand logic at all, do you? [14:15] Choro     You're crazy. [14:17] Todo     Also, why were you walking in the rain?     You're borderline. Borderline insane. [14:21] Ichi     Do you realize how difficult it is for us? [14:24] Ichi     You'd be nothing without us. [14:27] Ichi     I seriously hope you realize you wouldn't     be funny at all if we weren't here. [14:30] Todo     You could never be pizza,     Jyushimatsu-niisan. [14:33] Todo     You're nothing more than a topping.     Basically, we'd be fine without you. [14:36] Jyushi     I'll pick! I'll follow the prompt you gave me! SIGN    Get more yeet      for your yen!! [14:41] Jyushi     This pizza and this pizza! SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! [14:44] All     You're supposed to pick Chinese! [14:51] Oso     Oh, pizza? We ordering some? SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! [14:54] Todo     Nope. We're just talking about what     we'd hypothetically get if we did. [14:58] Oso     Ah... SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! [14:59] Oso     I'd pick this one, this one, and this one. [15:02] Todo     Oh, we're only getting two. [15:04] Oso     Then I'll get this one,     this one, this one, and this one. [15:07] Todo     Stop ignoring the limit of two! [15:09] Choro     Also, the ones you picked [15:11] Choro     are just the ones you want to eat, aren't they? [15:13] Oso     Yup. [15:14] Choro     All six of us are going to eat them! [15:16] Oso     Wait, really? [15:18] Choro     Of course we are! God, would it     kill you to think of us for once? [15:21] Jyushi     Our shitty older brother     planned to eat them all himself. [15:24] Oso     But I mean, you guys would     want the pizzas I want, too. [15:27] All     Why?! [15:28] Todo     Your outlook is so messed up! [15:30] Ichi     Seriously, there's     something wrong with him. [15:32] Choro     Oh, what's this, Ichimatsu-kun? [15:34] Ichi     Do you guys remember the     last time we ordered pizza? [15:38] Ichi     He sneakily takes more than the rest of us. [15:42] Ichi     And where it's cut in the center, [15:44] Ichi     if there's a shrimp or a huge glob of cheese     or something there, he'll always take it! [15:51] Ichi     Like it's the obvious thing to do,     without a shred of guilt! [15:54] Jyushi     On our way home from that wedding, he said, [15:56] Jyushi     "I don't think I could live with      someone," out of the blue, [15:58] Jyushi     but it's more amazing we're     able to live with him at all! [16:01] Choro     Right? No one in this world     would want to live with him. [16:05] Ichi     What do you think about     that aspect of yourself? [16:08] Oso     Well, you know... [16:11] Oso     I'm just that kind of character. [16:12] Ichi     I'll kill you. [16:13] Todo     Just so you know,     we haven't accepted this. [16:16] Todo     We just have no other choice. [16:18] Choro     Exactly! I couldn't have     put it better myself. [16:19] Choro     We don't actually      forgive everything you do. [16:21] Oso     Okay, jeez. You guys are so picky. [16:25] Oso     I'll let it slide, though,     since I'm the oldest. [16:30] Oso     Huh? [16:31] Todo     Never mind. [16:32] Jyushi     We won't expect anything. [16:33] Choro     Nothing. [16:34] Oso     Huh? [16:36] Jyushi     Which one are you picking,     Karamatsu-niisan? [16:38] Kara     Huh? [16:40] Kara     You mean pizza? [16:43] Kara     Just pick whatever ones you want. [16:45] Kara     I'm fine with whatever. [16:47] All     Wh-Whatever? [16:49] Oso     Wait, what? [16:53] Jyushi     Hang on a sec. [16:54] Kara     Huh? [16:55] Jyushi     Have a seat. [16:56] Jyushi     We'll set the pizzas aside for a sec. [16:57] Jyushi     Let's talk about you, Karamatsu-niisan. [16:59] All     Yes, let's. [17:00] Kara     Huh?! [17:04] Todo     Do you really think stuff     like that, Karamatsu-niisan? [17:07] Todo     You're really okay with     whatever pizzas we pick? [17:10] Kara     Yes, whatever you choose, [17:14] Kara     I'll accept your choices, my brothers! [17:18] Jyushi     What do you really think, though? [17:20] Kara     Huh? [17:21] Ichi     What's going on in your head? [17:22] Choro     We just can't read you, Karamatsu. [17:25] Oso     Yeah, you're a mystery. [17:27] Todo     Is there really no pizza you'd want? [17:30] Kara     No. [17:30] Todo     Of course there is!      And we want to know what it is! [17:33] Kara     But I don't have one! [17:34] Jyu     You really don't like     letting people in, do you? [17:37] Choro     He seems nice, but he's actually exclusive. [17:39] Oso     Exclusivematsu. [17:40] Ichi     Exclusivematsu. [17:44] Kara     Okay, then, let me just say this. SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! [17:46] Kara     This is just hypothetical, right? [17:48] Kara     We're not actually ordering pizza, right? [17:50] Kara     So what do we get from picking?     What a pain in the ass. [17:53] Ichi     Wait, is that what you've     thought this whole time? [17:56] Kara     Yeah. [17:57] Kara     I thought, "Man, they're     talking about something dumb. [18:00] Kara     This sucks." That's why I tried to end it. [18:04] Kara     I don't want to waste any more time.     I'm Exclusivematsu? Fine by me. [18:08] Kara     I'd be more than happy to be     free from this dumbass topic. [18:11] Jyushi     Uh, you can go to the bathroom now... [18:14] Kara     It's not like I really have to go.      I just wanted to get the hell outta here. [18:17] Kara     Why, you ask? [18:18] Kara     Because you shitheads wouldn't stop     talking about this shitty topic [18:21] Kara     and kept yapping and yapping and yapping... [18:24] Both     Sorry, we're sorry... [18:24] Kara     Exclusivematsu? Go on, call me that. [18:26] Kara     Call me Exclusivematsu-niisan. Come on. [18:28] ---     We're sorry. [18:30] Kara     Well? [18:32] Choro     I guess "Exclusivematsu" was a landmine. [18:34] Ichi     Let's not do that again. [18:40] Todo     What're we gonna do? [18:41] Choro     About what? [18:42] Todo     We need to decide on the pizzas. [18:44] Choro     We really don't, though. [18:50] Kara     You know, pizza didn't exist a long time ago. [18:53] Kara     Didn't it suddenly appear out of nowhere? [18:56] Oso     True. When was that? [18:59] Todo     When did we first eat pizza? [19:03] Kara     A pizza bun from a convenience store? [19:05] Ichi     Might be. [19:06] Todo     That's true for pizza, but pasta     sorta came out of nowhere, too. [19:11] Todo     It used to just be "spaghetti." [19:12] Todo     Then we suddenly started calling it "pasta." [19:14] Jyushi     True. [19:15] Ichi     When did we start calling it pasta? [19:18] Ichi     It's sorta embarrassing switching over. [19:21] Jyushi     "Pfft, he actually calls it pasta." [19:24] Ichi     Yeah, exactly that. [19:26] Todo     You all call it pasta now, right? [19:28] Oso     I still call it spaghetti. [19:29] Todo     No way! [19:29] Both     Spaghetti. [19:30] Kara     For real? You still haven't switched over? [19:33] Oso     We totally missed the opportunity. [19:36] Ichi     That happens, though.     Like saying "walking" in English. [19:39] Todo     Or calling the past an archive? [19:41] Jyushi     This, too. [19:42] Jyshi     We used to call this "Margarita,"     but now we say "Margherita." SIGN    Get more yeet for your yen!! SIGN    Experience authentic pizza!     Try our original flavors, too!          Margherita [19:48] Choro     Well, it's the same with pizza.     Now people say it like "pitza." [19:51] All     Yeah, no. [19:52] Choro     Huh? SIGN    Experience authentic pizza! Try our original flavors, too! SIGN    Margherita [19:53] Todo     Pitza isn't right.     Yeah, no. No one says that. [19:56] Oso     Man, you suck at these conversations. [20:00] Ichi     If you just didn't know, it'd be fine, [20:03] Ichi     but you always act like you     know everything and fall flat. [20:07] Choro     That's fine. I believe in myself. [20:09] Ichi     The hell? [20:10] Kara     Excellent Exclusivematsu move. [20:13] Jyushi     So... SIGN    Super Popular! Gluttonous 4     Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!! [20:14] Jyushi     What're we gonna do about the pizzas? [20:17] Oso     Only two, huh? That's the hard part. [20:22] Todo     Man, sextuplets are a lot! [20:25] Todo     Seriously, what are sextuplets?     That's messed up! So annoying! SIGN    Matsu [20:28] All     It is a lot! [20:29] Todo     Imagine if we were just two brothers!     We'd decide on pizza instantly! [20:32] Todo     And we'd be able to eat a ton of it! [20:34] Choro     Man, I wanna eat a whole pizza! [20:38] Jyushi     Same here. Talk about a dream. [20:40] Kara     Even our room is small.     Why are there so many of us? [20:43] Kara     Someone move out already. [20:45] Oso     And we all look way too much alike. [20:47] Oso     One of you get plastic     surgery already, jackasses. [20:50] Ichi     Do you guys realize how much     I suffer, living with you all? [20:53] Jyushi     Wait, wait, wait, I'm     the one who's suffering. [20:55] Choro     Uh, it's me. [20:57] Todo     Wait, wait. [20:57] Oso     Wait, wait. [20:58] All     Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [21:00] Oso     Todomatsu, you've got it great. [21:03] Todo     Huh? [21:03] Oso     The youngest has it the best. [21:05] Oso     Everyone dotes on you. Your life     must be awesome. No worries at all. [21:11] Todo     Are you freakin' serious? [21:13] Oso     Huh? [21:14] Todo     Being the youngest out of us six is easy? [21:17] Todo     I have no troubles? [21:19] Oso     It must be nice. Your big bro is jelly. [21:25] Oso     Why?! Why are you choking me?! Todomatsu, hey! [21:26] Todo     You can't be serious! [21:32] Jyushi     We were just talking about some pizza     we weren't gonna actually order. [21:54] Ichi     Hey. SIGN    Our best delivered to you! [21:57] Ichi     What if we were gonna order sushi? [21:59] Oso     Aw, man. Sushi! [22:02] Todo     That's hard. SIGN    End SIGN    Next time on SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [23:39] Kara     Good... This is Karamatsu. [23:41] Kara     Good, good. [23:44] Kara     Next time on Mr. Osomatsu,     we've got "AI"... [23:47] Kara     Just like that. Yeah, just like that, AI! SIGN    "AI" [23:51] Kara     See you ne— Oh, yes!