# Mr. Osomatsu
Mr. Osomatsu is based off of the gag manga series Osomatsu-kun by Fujio Akatsuka, and ran from 1962 to 1969. The series features a set of sextuplets, the Matsuno brothers, with Osomatsu being the oldest brother and leader of the group.
# Season 1
# E2 - Let's Get a Job / The Melancholy of Osomatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRWE2KWKR/lets-get-a-job--the-melancholy-of-osomatsu)
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:03] Todo**
Hey, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[00:05] Todo**
Why are you trying to act
cool at a fishing hole?
**[00:08] Todo**
Who are you trying to impress?
**[00:10] Todo**
There's no one around here
but old guys and fish.
**[00:13] Kara**
I'm just being normal.
**[00:14] Todo**
No, you're not.
**[00:16] Todo**
Stand up a second.
**[00:18] Todo**
Where did you buy those?
**[00:19] Todo**
Why would you wear those here?
It's embarrassing!
**[00:23] Todo**
Anyway, did you figure out
what kind of job to get?
**[00:26] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan told you
to look for one, didn't he?
**[00:29] Kara**
Oh, about that...
**[00:31] Todo**
Wait... Did you actually find one?
**[00:33] Kara**
In regard to work...
**[00:37] Kara**
I have no plans.
**[00:38] Todo**
Why the dramatic pause?! That's so lame!
**[00:42] Todo**
What was that for?
**[00:44] Kara**
I can't catch any.
**[00:45] Todo**
What are you using?
**[00:47] Kara**
A letter.
**[00:47] Todo**
Why?!
**[00:48] Kara**
Because I fell in love with a fish.
**[00:50] Todo**
Are you stupid?!
**[00:51] Kara**
Maybe I should use this.
**[00:52] Todo**
Just stop! You're surpassing narcissist
and going straight to psychopath!
**[00:57] Todo**
I don't wanna work.
**[00:59] Todo**
Can't we just keep living a
peaceful life like we are now?
**[01:05] Choro**
Choromatsu and...
**[01:06] Jyu**
...Jyushimatsu's...
**[01:07] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[01:09] Choro**
Aesop's Fables That Are Actually Terrifying!
***SIGN*** Aesop's Fables That Are Actually Terrifying
**[01:12] Sign**
Delivery Skit
**[01:15] Jyush**
Today's gonna be the day that
I catch the master of the lake!
**[01:19] Jyu**
I got it! I got it!
**[01:23] Jyu**
Oh, no! I dropped my pole!
**[01:28] Jyu**
What the?
**[01:31] Choro**
Jyushimatsu, did you drop
this steel Asura statue,
**[01:36] Choro**
or this Asura statue made of jelly?
**[01:40] Jyu**
No... I've never seen either before.
**[01:42] Choro**
Very good.
**[01:43] Choro**
Since you were so honest, I shall give
you this Hijirisawa Shonosuke statue.
**[01:48] Jyu**
What?! Really?!
**[01:50] Jyu**
All right!
**[01:51] Jyu**
It's a Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
I'm gonna make this my heirloom!
**[01:57] Choro**
Isn't that kinda scary?
**[02:02] Both**
What?
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Employment Office
***SIGN*** "Let's Get a Job"
***SIGN*** Let's Live a Happy Life!
**[03:36] Guy**
Matsuno Osomatsu-san, right?
**[03:38] Oso**
Yes.
**[03:39] Guy**
What job would you prefer?
**[03:41] Oso**
I want something big!
Something with charisma!
**[03:44] Oso**
I want to be a legend!
A human national treasure!
**[03:46] Guy**
Of what, exactly?
**[03:48] Guy**
Matsuno Karamatsu-san,
what job would you prefer?
**[03:52] Kara**
Silence and solitude.
**[03:54] Guy**
Could you be a little more specific?
**[03:57] Kara**
A battle with myself... A never-ending trial.
**[04:00] Kara**
Eventually, I won't even be able to sta—
**[04:03] Kara**
A public servant, please.
**[04:05] Guy**
Matsuno Choromatsu-san?
**[04:07] Choro**
Yes!
**[04:08] Choro**
This is my agenda for today.
***SIGN*** Places I Want to Work
**[04:10] Choro**
Honestly, social security is a must,
with a milestone of 200,000 fixed
**[04:14] Choro**
and committed per month.
**[04:15] Choro**
What do you think?
**[04:16] Guy**
You're annoying.
**[04:18] Guy**
Matsuno Ichimatsu-san.
What job would you prefer?
**[04:22] Ichi**
No preference, really.
I just followed everyone else.
**[04:25] Ichi**
Hey, did you just think that I was trash?
**[04:28] Ichi**
Yeah, I'm trash, garbage, unburnable
trash that has no will to live.
**[04:32] Ichi**
Hey, "unburnable trash" is a good
phrase. I'll write that down.
**[04:37] Jyu**
What? Tentacles?!
**[04:38] Jyu**
Oh, these? These tentacles?!
**[04:40] Jyu**
Yup! I can do tentacles!
**[04:41] Jyu**
Yay!
**[04:43] Todo**
Do you have a boyfriend?
**[04:44] Lady**
No.
**[04:45] Todo**
Really?
***SIGN*** Pub
**[04:49] Oso**
Man!
**[04:51] Oso**
Nothing beats a cold one after work!
**[04:54] Choro**
Actually, none of us worked at all.
We all got kicked out.
**[04:57] Todo**
But it was so much fun!
**[04:58] Choro**
What did you even go for, Todomatsu?
**[05:00] Jyushi**
I just couldn't get a laugh.
**[05:02] Choro**
What the hell did you go for, Jyushimatsu?
**[05:04] Kara**
This is what it truly means
**[05:06] Kara**
to be facing a dark future.
**[05:07] Choro**
Why were you even born, Karamatsu?
**[05:11] Choro**
At least say something, Ichimatsu!
**[05:13] Todo**
Actually, do we even need jobs?
It's so troublesome.
**[05:17] All**
Yeah...
**[05:18] Choro**
Wait. Why am I the bad guy here?
**[05:21] Choro**
We're all adults now,
so we need to find employment.
**[05:25] Oso**
Do you want to be idols again, then?
**[05:26] Choro**
No way in hell! We're never putting on
that hellish display ever again!
**[05:30] Oso**
F...
**[05:31] All**
...Six!
**[05:32] Choro**
Stop! The guilt is blinding me!
***SIGN*** Employment
***SIGN*** You'll Be Popular if You Work!
**[05:36] Choro**
I'm gonna go again in the afternoon.
**[05:38] Choro**
At this point, I'll take even a part-time job.
**[05:40] Ichi**
I'm going home.
**[05:41] Choro**
Why?
**[05:42] Ichi**
Because there's no point.
**[05:43] Oso**
To be honest, you're the one
I'm most worried about, Ichimatsu.
**[05:48] Oso**
With a personality like that,
you'll never find work.
**[05:52] Choro**
You guys don't seem that different.
**[05:54] Todo**
He probably wouldn't fit into society.
**[05:56] Jyushi**
Totally.
**[05:57] Oso**
I bet he'd kill his boss.
**[05:59] Jyu**
Yup, yup.
**[06:00] Kara**
I believe in you.
**[06:02] Choro**
Wait, why? He's the only one
who actually backed you up.
**[06:06] Oso**
Ichimatsu's scary when Karamatsu teases him.
**[06:09] Choro**
What are we going to do, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[06:11] Choro**
At this rate, we're going
to be unemployed for life.
**[06:16] Oso**
All right. I've made up my mind.
***SIGN*** Junmai Sake "Katsushibahama" Perfect for After Work
**[06:18] Oso**
Let's get some sake!
**[06:22] Choro**
Hey! God damn it!
**[06:24] Choro**
You stupid eldest brother!
***SIGN*** Pub
**[06:27] Oso**
Thanks for the drinks!
**[06:28] Choro**
Whad'ya say, you idiot?!
**[06:31] Choro**
Finding a job, my ass!
**[06:32] Choro**
Whad'ya mean, "I got my nails done"?
**[06:35] Choro**
"Ooh, nice!" Like hell!
**[06:36] Choro**
I have so little interest
in the color of your nails
**[06:38] Choro**
that my ass hair is on fire, uglyface!
**[06:41] Todo**
Why's his ass hair on fire?
**[06:42] Oso**
From rage, I guess? He's totally the drunkest.
**[06:46] Jyushi**
Hi, mister!
**[06:48] Todo**
We're going, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[06:50] Jyushi**
Bye!
**[06:54] Oso**
What should we do?
**[06:55] Oso**
Shall we go play some?
**[06:56] Todo**
We don't have any money.
**[06:58] Todo**
Huh? It's Iyami.
**[07:01] Iyami**
Oh, is that you, Osomatsu?
**[07:03] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu.
**[07:04] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[07:06] Iyami**
What's that smell?
Have you been drinking already?
**[07:09] Iyami**
You sextuplets are such failures, as always.
**[07:12] Oso**
Say, Iyami. I'd like to discuss something
with you, as a trusted friend.
**[07:17] Todo**
What's this about?
**[07:19] Oso**
We six are facing the greatest
dilemma of our lives right now.
**[07:25] Iyami**
Is there something me can do for you?
**[07:28] Oso**
Could you lend us some cash?
**[07:30] Iyami**
What are you going to use it for?
**[07:33] Iyami**
Stop messing around!
**[07:37] Iyami**
Stop that!
**[07:38] Iyami**
What's wrong with you?!
You stupid yakuza sextuplets!
**[07:41] Oso**
Hmph. No more screen time for you.
**[07:43] Todo**
Demon! Brute!
**[07:45] Todo**
You man of good character!
You wealthy fellow!
**[07:47] Iyami**
Why did you compliment me at the end?
**[07:49] Iyami**
For crying out loud... Everyone
spoiled you all when you were young,
**[07:52] Iyami**
so you've grown up to be terrible monsters.
**[07:56] Choro**
What are you doing with this?
**[07:57] Iyami**
Work.
**[07:59] Iyami**
Unlike you all, me doesn't have
all the time in the world.
**[08:02] Choro**
What kind of work?
***SIGN*** RECRUITING Would you like to happily sweat for the sake of Japan and the world? No experience necessary. We're just looking for people who want to try this out!!
**[08:03] Iyami**
I'm recruiting.
**[08:05] Iyami**
I'm looking for people who can do this job.
**[08:11] Oso**
All right, Iyami-kun!
**[08:13] Oso**
Nothing beats having a dear friend!
**[08:16] Jyushi**
Your right's clear! Your left's clear!
**[08:17] Jyushi**
Your overbite's clear!
**[08:18] Iyami**
Be quiet.
**[08:21] Iyami**
You won't find a job offer
like this in these times!
**[08:25] Kara**
I smell a big hustle.
**[08:27] Choro**
Who are you?
**[08:28] Todo**
We're saved!
**[08:30] Todo**
And since it's Iyami's referral,
it won't be nerve-racking.
**[08:33] Iyami**
Think nothing of it.
**[08:42] Jyu**
Huh? Where are we?
**[08:45] Oso**
It's kind of... completely black...
**[08:49] Oso**
Could this be...
**[08:51] Choro**
Yeah. Actually, it's written there.
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[08:55] Choro**
Isn't this going a bit far?
**[08:57] Iyami**
Why, hello, corporate slaves!
**[08:58] Choro**
Don't call us corporate slaves.
**[08:59] Iyami**
I will now explain your duties to you.
***SIGN*** Duties
**[09:03] Iyami**
This is pretty much it.
**[09:04] Choro**
Like we can read that! What's the
point of making that black, too?!
***SIGN*** Schedule
**[09:07] Iyami**
This is your schedule,
***SIGN*** Evacuation Route
**[09:09] Iyammi**
and this is the evacuation route.
**[09:11] Ichi**
'Kay.
**[09:12] Choro**
You can read that?
**[09:14] Oso**
What do we make here?
**[09:15] Ichi**
You don't need to know
that at the Black Factory.
**[09:18] Oso**
Okay!
**[09:19] Choro**
You accepted that way too fast.
You should be more cautious!
**[09:22] Iyami**
Well, I'm counting on you all!
**[09:23] Choro**
To do what?! Hey!
**[09:25] Todo**
Hey, this isn't good.
**[09:27] Todo**
I've heard of dangerous workplaces like this...
**[09:31] Todo**
There's only one bathroom.
**[09:32] Todo**
The last thing to touch that seat
was some old guy's bare ass.
**[09:37] Toddo**
Covering it with toilet paper is pointless.
**[09:40] Todo**
Because that same old guy touched the
toilet paper right after wiping his bare ass.
**[09:50] Choro**
What are you scared of?! Are you a girl?!
**[09:52] Todo**
There's no way I can indirectly
ass-touch with some old guy!
**[09:55] Choro**
What the hell is "indirectly ass-touch"?
Don't say it like "indirect kiss."
**[10:00] Choro**
What do we do now?
**[10:02] Choro**
We don't even know what the work is...
**[10:07] Choro**
Is that the person in charge?
**[10:09] Choro**
Hey, excuse me. I have a question.
**[10:12] Choro**
What do you make at this factory?
**[10:14] Suit**
We will not be answering any questions.
**[10:17] Suit**
Please figure out what you're
supposed to do on your own.
**[10:21] Todo**
Huh? We won't understand
if you don't explain it to us!
**[10:24] Todo**
You can't be serious!
**[10:25] Todo**
Say something! Don't ignore us!
**[10:26] Suit**
Silence!
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[10:28] Suit**
I'll kill you all, you trash!
***SIGN*** Zowa... Zowa...
**[10:31] Oso**
*He's...*
**[10:32] Suit**
It'd be easy to answer your questions.
**[10:35] Suit**
But what good would it do for you
to know what we make here?
**[10:39] Suit**
This is the Black Factory.
**[10:41] Suit**
Even if you want to know,
there's no way I can tell you.
**[10:44] Suit**
I feel as if I'd be crushed by the guilt.
**[10:47] Oso**
*What is he talking about?*
**[10:48] Suit**
Listen up. Most of the things
that go on here are crimes.
**[10:52] Suit**
Do you still want to know?
**[10:54] Suit**
I will not tell you, even if my mouth split open.
**[10:56] Suit**
If you still want to hear, then listen well!
**[10:59] Suit**
Though I won't tell you!
**[11:00] Oso**
*Seriously, what is he talking about?*
**[11:02] Suit**
Listen up, vermin!
**[11:04] Oso**
*He's still going!*
**[11:04] Suit**
You failed again and again
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[11:06] Suit**
to get a job in the free world,
and that's why you're here.
**[11:08] Suit**
Don't you understand that
you're in the pit of Hell?
***SIGN*** Zawa... Zawa...
**[11:12] Suit**
There's only one thing that you
can do, and that's work!
**[11:17] Suit**
Engrave the desire to work and then
leave this place into your hearts!
**[11:21] Suit**
Work! To work is your everything!
***SIGN*** Work is God Safety Second
**[11:25] Suit**
You must work!
**[11:26] Suit**
You must work! You must work!
**[12:02] Iyami**
Those stupid sextuplets.
**[12:04] Iyami**
Now we'll be able to make
another fortune, won't we, sir?
***SIGN*** Honored Squad Leader For Life
Matsuno Ichimatsu
**[12:31] Iyami**
That will be all!
**[12:33] Iyami**
We've safely reached our quota for the day!
**[12:35] Iyami**
This is work! This is society!
**[12:37] Iyami**
Oh, how marvelous!
**[12:39] Iyami**
You're all finally becoming real adults.
**[12:42] Iyami**
Right, sir?
**[12:46] Iyami**
Here we go! Become an adult!
**[12:48] All**
Become an adult! Become an adult!
**[13:04] Choro**
Aren't they tricking us?
***SIGN*** Keep Hands Clear
**[13:14] Dayon**
Dayon! Dayon!
***SIGN*** Authentic Taste Chinese Restaurant
***SIGN*** A Few Months Later
**[13:28] Oso**
* Thanks to that horrible*
* experience, we brothers*
**[13:32] Oso**
* were able to realize what*
* was really important.*
**[13:34] Oso**
* We don't have to hurry.*
* We can just do a little at a time.*
**[13:38] Oso**
Can I go to the bathroom, sir?
**[13:42] Oso**
It's been ten minutes. Swap out.
**[13:46] Oso**
*Yes... Because the six of us are one.*
**[13:54] Choro**
This is a scam!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[13:58] Oso**
It's your turn, Karamatsu.
**[14:00] Kara**
I'll take three. What about you, Choromatsu?
**[14:03] Choro**
I'll take two.
**[14:04] Choro**
What about you, Ichimatsu?
**[14:05] Ichi**
I fold. Jyushimatsu?
**[14:08] Jyu**
I'm exchanging all of them!
**[14:09] Jyu**
You, Todomatsu?
**[14:10] Todo**
I pass.
**[14:12] Oso**
Ready? All right, go!
**[14:15] Kara**
Two pairs.
**[14:16] Oso**
What?!
**[14:17] Choro**
Three-of-a-kind.
**[14:18] Oso**
You're kidding!
**[14:19] Jyushi**
Pig!
**[14:19] Oso**
No! Wait, pig?
**[14:21] Todo**
Straight flush!
**[14:23] Oso**
What?! And then...
**[14:27] Oso**
Five-of-a-kind!
**[14:31] Oso**
Don't underestimate the oldest!
**[14:33] Oso**
You five can never defeat me!
**[14:42] Oso**
I'm done.
**[14:45] Oso**
Where did they all go?
**[14:47] Oso**
Your older brother misses you.
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyaa Concert
**[14:52] Choro**
Nyan! Nyan! Nyan! Nya!
**[14:54] Choro**
All right, here we go!
**[14:56] Choro**
Ameri-short! Persian!
**[14:58] Choro**
Tortoiseshell!
**[14:58] Choro**
Munchkin! Scot!
**[14:59] Choro**
Siamese! Russian Blue!
**[15:02] Choro**
Nyaa-chan! You're so amazingly cute!
**[15:04] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
**[15:05] Nyaa**
Thanks, nyaan!
**[15:08] Choro**
* Th-The time is finally at hand.*
* Calm down, Choromatsu.*
**[15:12] Choro**
*You've only got twenty seconds.*
***SIGN*** Let's Shake Hands, Nyan
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyan
**[15:15] Choro**
* You saved up all the money that*
* you earned just for this moment!*
**[15:18] Choro**
*Start with your thoughts on the new single.*
***SIGN*** Nyaa Photobook
**[15:20] Choro**
* Nonchalantly mention that you've*
* reserved her new photobook,*
***SIGN*** Reserved
**[15:23] Choro**
* and throw your Twitter*
* handle into the conversation.*
**[15:25] Choro**
*Do* not *be pushy!*
**[15:27] Choro**
* Act appropriately distant,*
* unlike all those other fans.*
**[15:30] Choro**
*Make her feel like you really get her!*
**[15:32] Choro**
* Yes! Make her feel like you*
* really understand her stress.*
**[15:36] Choro**
*There's nothing to fear! My plan is perfect!*
**[15:39] Oso**
Whatcha doin'?
**[15:40] Choro**
An accident has occurred!
**[15:41] Oso**
Huh... Didn't know you were into this stuff.
**[15:43] Choro**
Wh-Wh-What are you doing
here, Osomatsu-niisan?!
**[15:46] Oso**
Her face is pretty plain, isn't it?
**[15:48] Oso**
Like one you'd see in class.
**[15:49] Choro**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Photo Op 1,000 Yen
**[15:49] Oso**
A photo is 1,000 yen? So expensive!
**[15:51] Choro**
Don't say that!
**[15:53] Oso**
I love you, Reika!
**[15:54] Choro**
Who the hell is Reika?! You're too random!
**[15:57] Person**
Next in line, please.
**[15:58] Choro**
Oh, coming!
**[16:00] Choro**
Sorry, some weird guy wouldn't stop talking to m—
**[16:03] Oso**
Nice to meet you. The name's Matsuno Osomatsu.
**[16:04] Choro**
Hey!
**[16:05] Oso**
Thanks for taking such good
care of my little brother.
**[16:07] Choro**
Why are *you* shaking her hand?!
**[16:09] Oso**
He's a really good guy, so would you
have s** with him at least once?
**[16:15] Choro**
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don't say "s**"!
**[16:17] Choro**
I'm so sorry, Nyaa-chan!
**[16:19] Oso**
Wait. Should you be saying "s**"
in front of the person you like?
**[16:22] Choro**
*You're* the one saying "s°°"!
**[16:24] Oso**
What? Did I say "s**"?
Did I really say "s**"?
**[16:28] Choro**
You just want to say "s**," don't you?!
**[16:32] Oso**
S**.
**[16:32] Choro**
Don't say it so casually!
**[16:33] Oso**
Then how about ****?
**[16:35] Choro**
Shut up!
**[16:36] Oso**
What about ****?
**[16:37] Choro**
Shut your mouth!
**[16:38] Oso**
Then how about she **** your
***** and then **** and ****?
**[16:41] Choro**
Just get out of the way!
**[16:43] Choro**
Nya... Nyaa-chan...
**[16:45] Deka**
Time's up.
**[16:52] Oso**
Whoa! He totally hit me!
**[16:55] Choro**
Get out of here.
**[16:56] Choro**
From this day onward,
you are a stranger to me.
**[17:00] Oso**
*What was that for? I was just trying to help...*
**[17:13] Sachi**
Hey, Aida, doesn't that guy look cool?
**[17:16] Aida**
He totally looks like Ozaki, Sacchi!
**[17:18] Sachi**
Go talk to him!
**[17:19] Aida**
I can't! He's too hot. I'm gonna die!
**[17:22] Sachi**
Then maybe I'll go instead.
**[17:27] Aida**
What the hell is with him? So creepy.
**[17:29] Sachi**
Die.
**[17:32] Kara**
So you're finally here, Karamatsu girls.
**[17:41] Oso**
*I was just trying to surprise him a little!*
**[17:44] Oso**
* I was throwing in a little service!*
* He didn't have to hit me!*
**[17:49] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:50] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[17:52] Oso**
What, are you on a date?
**[17:54] Oso**
Perfect timing. Let me join in!
**[17:55] Oso**
I've been so bored today. Choromatsu
and Karamatsu are so mean.
**[17:59] Oso**
They won't acknowledge me at all.
**[18:00] Todo**
I'm sorry. Who are you?
**[18:03] Girl**
Do you know him?
**[18:04] Todo**
Who?
**[18:05] Girl**
The guy just now.
**[18:06] Todo**
Huh? Did I just talk to someone?
**[18:08] Girl**
But he did look like you.
**[18:09] Todo**
No idea.
**[18:10] Oso**
Cold... So cold.
**[18:14] Oso**
*Screw them! I won't trust anyone anymore!*
**[18:19] Oso**
Ichimatsu?
**[18:22] Oso**
*What's he doing in a place like...*
**[18:36] Oso**
* Well, look at that. He can*
* actually be cute sometimes.*
**[18:39] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! You'll play with me, righ—*
**[18:43] Oso**
*Huh?*
**[18:53] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[19:02] Oso**
*I had no idea...*
**[19:04] Oso**
*We've lived together for twenty-some years.*
**[19:06] Oso**
* I guess there are still things*
* I don't know about my brothers...*
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[19:17] Oso**
*Yup, there sure are.*
**[19:20] Oso**
Beer!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[19:21] Chibi**
"Beer" nothing, you idjit!
**[19:23] Chibi**
You ain't getting a single beer
until you pay your tab, damn it!
**[19:27] Oso**
Don't be like that, Chibita.
I've been through a lot today.
**[19:33] Oso**
I haven't been getting along
well with my brothers lately.
**[19:37] Oso**
I think they might hate me...
**[19:43] Chibi**
You only get one, idjit.
**[19:47] Chibi**
You idjit! God damn it!
**[19:49] Chibi**
Of course they hate you!
This is all your fault!
**[19:53] Oso**
Why's it my fault?!
**[19:54] Sign**
Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
**[19:54] Chibi**
Because you're the one butting into their
business and making things hard for them!
**[19:58] Chibi**
They're your brothers, so take
better care of them, idjit.
**[20:04] Chibi**
This is the first time I'm mentioning this...
**[20:07] Chibi**
But when I was a kid, I hated you sextuplets.
**[20:12] Chibi**
But half of that was jealousy.
**[20:16] Chibi**
You guys are fighting? At least
you've got someone to fight with.
**[20:19] Chibi**
I never even had anyone
to fight with, you idjit.
**[20:25] Chibi**
Drink your water and get the hell out.
**[20:27] Chibi**
The oldest brother shouldn't
make the others worry!
**[20:33] Oso**
And?
**[20:34] Chibi**
Uh, I'm telling you to
take care of your broth—
**[20:37] Oso**
What does that have to do with this?!
**[20:39] Oso**
The fact that you wanted siblings
**[20:40] Oso**
has nothing to do with the fact that
**[20:42] Oso**
I'm pissed off at them, does it?!
**[20:43] Oso**
Why the hell are you trying to
move me? That's not possible!
**[20:46] Oso**
I'll have you know I wished
I was an only child!
**[20:49] Oso**
Have you ever had your
clothes bought in dozens?
**[20:51] Ozo**
It's hell! It destroys your sense of identity!
**[20:53] Oso**
People point at you, wherever you go!
**[20:55] Oso**
No matter how old you get,
you're always being compared!
**[20:56] Oso**
Just because we're sextuplets
doesn't mean I have five comrades!
**[20:59] Oso**
I've got five enemies!
**[21:01] Oso**
Got it?! I'm going home!
**[21:07] Chibi**
Wha...?
**[21:09] Oso**
*Take care of my brothers? Screw you!*
**[21:12] Oso**
*They're the ones who wouldn't play with me!*
**[21:14] Oso**
*I didn't do anything wrong.*
**[21:15] Oso**
* And what does being the*
* oldest have to do with it?!*
**[21:17] Oso**
*That pisses me off most of all!*
**[21:19] Oso**
*We're sextuplets! We're all the same age!*
**[21:25] Oso**
*But then again... I am technically the oldest...*
**[21:34] Oso**
Sorry about today, you guys!
I did a lot of things wrong!
**[21:39] Jyu**
Whoa! You got a royal straight
flush, New Osomatsu-niisan?
**[21:44] Todo**
You're good at this, New Osomatsu-niisan!
**[21:47] Ichi**
He's probably cheating.
**[21:48] Choro**
Hey, Ichimatsu. He's not
like the old Osomatsu.
**[21:51] Ichi**
True.
**[21:56] Oso**
*See, Chibita? This is how these guys are.*
**[22:00] Oso**
*I totally get them...*
**[22:02] Oso**
*Because I'm the oldest!*
**[22:06] Oso**
Who the hell are you?!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Tidbits Collection"
**[23:45] Oso**
This is Karamatsu.
**[23:46] Kara**
See you next time with "Tidbits Collection."
# E3 - Tidbits Collection
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G609GW526/tidbits-collection)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:08] Oso**
Space is awesome!
***SIGN*** CH O JYU
**[00:15] Oso**
This is so awesome! We're in space!
**[00:17] Jyu**
Zero-gravity spiral!
**[00:19] Oso**
Whoa, so cool!
**[00:20] ---**
Spiral!
**[00:21] Oso**
The Giant Buddha of Nara.
***SIGN*** CH
**[00:22] Choro**
That doesn't have anything to
do with zero gravity, does it?
***SIGN*** O
**[00:24] Oso**
You're no fun, Todomatsu.
**[00:26] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:27] Choro**
I'm not Todomatsu, I'm Choromatsu!
**[00:29] Oso**
I can't see your face, so I can't tell.
**[00:31] Jyu**
Spiral!
**[00:31] Cho**
Our names are written on the suits!
**[00:32] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:33] Cho**
Actually, I've been wondering...
**[00:38] Cho**
What is this bar?
**[00:39] Cho**
It seems to say "O2."
**[00:41] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:42] Oso**
Yay! Yeah, Space!
**[00:43] Cho**
Could it mean...
***SIGN*** CH
**[00:47] Cho**
It does mean oxygen!
**[00:49] Cho**
This isn't good! We have to
get back to the spaceship, fast!
**[00:52] Cho**
Ack! It went down even faster
because I was panicking!
**[00:55] Cho**
Hey, help me!
**[00:56] Cho**
I don't have any oxygen! I don't have any—
**[01:01] Oso**
Choromatsu?
**[01:02] Oso**
What's wrong? Hey!
**[01:06] Oso**
I think... Choromatsu died.
**[01:09] Jyu**
Seriously?! He already
reached the end of his life?
**[01:10] Oso**
I see. His oxygen must have run out.
**[01:13] Oso**
Crap! We have to hurry back to the ship!
**[01:15] Oso**
Wait, there isn't a ship!
**[01:16] Jyu**
What do we do?!
**[01:17] Oso**
Don't panic! Your oxygen will just run out faster.
**[01:20] Jyu**
Okay, let's shut up.
***SIGN*** 3 Minutes Later
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[03:39] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[03:42] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[03:44] Ichi**
Huh? But I'm Ichimatsu.
**[04:23] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[04:25] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[04:27] Kara**
I'm Karamatsu.
**[04:40] Jigu**
Osomatsu.
**[04:51] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[04:53] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[04:57] Oso**
Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
**[04:59] Guy**
All right! Yes!
**[05:01] Guy**
You stupid sextuplets!
**[05:04] Jigu**
It was ten years ago...
**[05:06] Jigu**
When we were in the drama club, in order
to steal the leading role from me...
**[05:10] Oso**
Karamatsu was the one in the drama club.
**[05:21] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[05:23] Guy**
It's been ten years, Karama—
**[05:24] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu.
**[05:35] Jigu**
Nope.
***SIGN*** Truth
**[05:45] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[05:47] Guy**
It's been ten years, Karamatsu.
**[05:49] Kara**
Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
**[05:52] Jigu**
Ten years ago, when we were in the drama club,
**[05:55] Jigu**
you put bird poop in my script to
steal the leading role from me.
**[06:00] Jigu**
You will now pay for that crime.
**[06:04] Kara**
You're the guy from...
**[06:06] Kara**
Wait!
**[06:07] Jigu**
Die!
**[06:09] Kara**
The one who told me to do that was Todomatsu.
**[06:14] Jigu**
This is so damn confusing!
**[06:24] Jigu**
My name is Jigu—
**[06:25] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu, you know.
**[06:28] Jigu**
My bad.
**[06:38] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[06:40] Guy**
It's been ten years, Todo—
**[06:42] Jyu**
Huh? But I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Wait, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[06:50] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[06:53] Jyu**
I'm Jyushi—
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "DQN Names"
**[07:04] Host**
*There you have it, ladies.*
**[07:06] Host**
*Now for our special about the
"DQN names" everyone is talking about.*
***SIGN*** Hifumiya
Special Report!
DQN Names
That Everyone is
Talking About
***SIGN*** "DQN Names!"
**[07:11] Host**
* Really, there sure are some*
* strange names out there.*
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser) Fuurin (Purin)
**[07:16] Guy**
* But the children are stuck with*
* those names for the rest of their lives,*
**[07:20] Guy**
* so their parents should probably*
* think about it more carefully.*
**[07:25] Choro**
What? They're totally fine.
**[07:28] Todo**
Yeah, they are.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[07:29] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Pachinko Police"
***SIGN*** Pachinko Dragon
**[07:46] Todo**
*Crap.*
**[07:47] Todo**
*This isn't good.*
**[07:48] Todo**
*I've done it now.*
**[07:52] Todo**
*I totally just made bank on pachinko!*
**[07:57] Todo**
*But it's still too soon to celebrate.*
**[07:59] Todo**
* I have to protect this money*
* from those filthy hyenas.*
**[08:04] Todo**
*What should I do?!*
**[08:06] Todo**
*Hide it under the bed?*
**[08:07] Todo**
*No, wait, we don't have a bed!*
**[08:09] Todo**
*Inside the closet?*
**[08:10] Todo**
*No! The bugs will eat it!*
**[08:12] Todo**
*Flush it down the toilet?*
**[08:13] Todo**
*Then it's just going to waste!*
**[08:15] Todo**
*But I can't just hold on to it!*
**[08:17] Todo**
* Going back to that house with*
* this much cash is suicide.*
**[08:24] Todo**
*It's no use. I can't think of anything good.*
**[08:28] Todo**
*If I keep it, my brothers will...*
**[08:32] Cop**
Evening!
**[08:35] Cop**
What might you be doing out
here at this hour, sir?
**[08:39] Todo**
Oh, uh, I'm just out for a walk.
**[08:41] Cop**
A walk? But it's midnight.
**[08:45] Todo**
*It's already that late?*
**[08:48] Todo**
I'll go home now.
Thank you for your hard work.
**[08:50] Cop**
Hold it.
**[08:51] Todo**
Wha—
**[08:52] Cop**
You're a bit suspicious.
**[08:54] Todo**
Huh?
**[08:55] Cop**
Why don't you show us what's inside that bag?
**[08:58] Todo**
Why would I have to do that?
**[08:59] Cop**
It's not as if we're suspecting
you of anything...
**[09:03] Cop**
But there seems to be a guy around here...
**[09:06] Cop**
A scumbag who won big at pachinko,
but wants to keep it from his older brothers.
**[09:13] Todo**
*Choromatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan?!*
**[09:15] Todo**
*They already hunted me down?!*
***SIGN*** Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
**[09:17] Guy**
*Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!*
***SIGN*** The Super-Skilled Older Brothers Ask For Their Share "Why Are You Trying So Hard To Hide It?!"
**[09:22] Choro**
If there's nothing suspicious in it,
you can show us, right?
**[09:25] Todo**
I told you, there's nothing in here!
**[09:27] Choro**
Then show us!
**[09:28] Todo**
Don't touch me!
**[09:30] Nar**
* For whatever reason,*
* the man resisted for an hour,*
**[09:33] Nar**
*but the pachinko police never give up.*
**[09:38] Nar**
* Head Patrol Officer Choromatsu*
* calls for backup.*
**[09:41] Choro**
All right, you're not getting away now.
**[09:44] Choro**
I'm gonna have a look.
**[09:46] Nar**
*This is...*
**[09:47] Choro**
Hm? What do we have here?
**[09:50] Choro**
This came out of your bag, didn't it?
**[09:53] Ichi**
If this turns blue after it's dripped
on them, they're 10,000 yen bills.
**[09:58] Nar**
*It turned blue! There's no doubt about it!*
**[10:01] Nar**
*They're 10,000 yen bills!*
**[10:02] Nar**
*And then...*
**[10:04] Todo**
Damn it!
**[10:04] Ichi**
Hey! Hold it!
**[10:05] Nar**
*The man fled.*
**[10:07] Ichi**
Urgent! Urgent!
**[10:08] Ichi**
Squads 1 and 2!
**[10:09] Ichi**
The suspect has fled!
I repeat, the suspect has fled!
**[10:12] Ichi**
Given how panicked he is, he seems
to have several more 10,000 yen bills.
**[10:15] Oso**
This is Squad 2. Roger. We'll flank
him at the Akatsuka Apartments.
**[10:19] Choro**
Found him!
**[10:20] Oso**
There he is!
**[10:26] Oso**
You stupid youngest brother! Hold still!
**[10:28] Choro**
Get the handcuffs!
***SIGN*** 1:25AM Suspect Arrested
***SIGN*** Suspected of Concealing Pachinko Winnings
**[10:33] Todo**
Lemme go! All I did was win at pachinko!
**[10:38] Nar**
*The pachinko police!*
**[10:40] Nar**
* As long as one of their*
* brothers wins at pachinko,*
**[10:43] Nar**
*their night will never end!*
**[10:46] Oso**
Let's go get some sushi.
**[10:48] All**
Yeah!
**[10:49] Jyu**
Aroo!
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[10:50] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[11:04] Nar**
*Japan.*
***SIGN*** "Please Let Me Sleep"
**[11:09] Todo**
Okay, I'm shutting it off.
**[11:19] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[11:20] Jyu**
Don't you ever want to move
around before you go to sleep?
**[11:23] Choro**
No. I have to get up early tomorrow,
so stop it. I can't slee—
**[11:26] Jyu**
Meow!
**[11:27] Choro**
Shut up!
**[11:28] Todo**
What the heck?
**[11:30] Todo**
You're too noisy, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[11:32] Choro**
It's not me! Jyushimatsu was...
**[11:36] Choro**
How? How does that even work?
**[11:38] Kara**
If you're having trouble sleeping,
want me to sing you a lullaby?
**[11:40] Todo**
I'm turning it off.
**[11:41] Kara**
Huh?
**[11:59] Choro**
*Seriously, how does that even work?!*
**[12:02] Choro**
*Why?!*
**[12:07] Choro**
*I told you, I have to get up early tomorrow!*
**[12:17] Todo**
Oh, come on!
**[12:18] Todo**
Quit being so noisy!
**[12:19] Choro**
You're totally doing that on purpose!
You're totally awake, aren't you?!
**[12:22] Oso**
What? Food?
**[12:24] Choro**
I have to get up early
tomorrow, so let me sleep!
**[12:30] Kara**
If you're having trouble sleeping,
want me to sing you a lulla—
**[12:32] Todo**
I'm turning it off.
**[12:33] Kara**
Huh?
**[12:37] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan.
**[12:40] Todo**
I gotta go to the bathroom.
**[12:42] Choro**
* How old are you? You can go to the*
* bathroom at night by yourself.*
**[12:47] Choro**
*And he's taking a dump.*
**[12:48] Choro**
* Not that it matters, but somehow*
* that pisses me off even more.*
**[12:53] Choro**
I beg you, just let me sleep.
**[12:55] Choro**
I have to get up early tomorrow.
**[13:03] Choro**
Why?! I said we're going to bed!
**[13:06] Oso**
One, two...
**[13:07] Choro**
No, seriously.
**[13:10] Choro**
I'm kicking out the next
person to cause a fuss!
**[13:23] Choro**
*What the hell have you been eating, Ichimatsu?!*
**[13:27] Choro**
*Come on, just let me sleep!*
**[13:33] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[13:34] Choro**
*Seriously?*
**[13:37] Choro**
*It's not Jyushimatsu?*
**[13:55] Choro**
*What the hell is this mystery?!*
**[13:57] Choro**
*I just want to sleep!*
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Secret Fishing
***SIGN*** (Secret Fishing)
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "October 31st"
***SIGN*** How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
***SIGN*** If you brush your overbite like so, it'll continue to shine
**[15:13] Guy**
* And so, if you brush your*
* teeth for 45 minutes a day...*
**[15:18] Iyami**
All right, all right, I'm coming.
**[15:21] Iyami**
If you knock that hard, you'll break the door.
**[15:24] Iyami**
Who is it?
**[15:27] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:29] Iyami**
What?
**[15:30] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:32] Iyami**
Oh, is it Halloween today?
**[15:34] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:36] Iyami**
I don't have any candy.
**[15:38] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:39] Iyami**
I told you—
**[15:40] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:41] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:44] All**
Trick or treat!
***SIGN*** How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
***SIGN*** See? Look how white it is!!
**[15:46] Iyami**
All right, fine!
**[15:48] Iyami**
Here.
**[15:49] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:51] Iyami**
That's all I've got. Don't come back again.
**[15:52] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:55] Iyami**
For crying out loud, what an annoying holiday.
**[15:58] Iyami**
Those stupid, good-for-nothing sextuplets...
**[16:01] All**
Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
**[16:03] All**
Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
**[16:03] Iyami**
Sheeh!
**[16:05] Iyami**
What the hell are you doing?! That's not candy!
**[16:08] Iyami**
Hey! Stop! This isn't how Halloween works!
**[16:13] Iyami**
Someone, help! Thieves!
**[16:20] Iyami**
I've been visited by demons.
**[16:23] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Bath House Quiz"
**[16:29] Oso**
Fight for the coffee milk! Osomatsu Quiz!
**[16:34] Oso**
All right, Choromatsu-san.
How are you feeling right now?
**[16:39] Choro**
I have no idea what's going on.
**[16:40] Oso**
Oh, are you nervous?
**[16:42] Choro**
No, I don't know what's going on.
**[16:44] Oso**
If you win, you'll get coffee milk
to enjoy right after your bath!
**[16:49] Choro**
No need. I can buy it myself.
**[16:50] Oso**
All right, here we go! Question one!
**[16:56] Oso**
Whose wiener is this?
**[16:58] Choro**
Why do I have to guess that?!
**[17:00] Oso**
Take a good look.
**[17:01] Choro**
No way!
**[17:02] Oso**
Remember everyone's wieners!
**[17:03] Choro**
That's disgusting!
**[17:05] Oso**
They can't hold their breath much longer!
**[17:06] Oso**
Let's have your answer.
**[17:08] Choro**
Jyushimatsu?
**[17:09] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[17:10] Oso**
The correct answer is...
**[17:13] Oso**
Too bad, it was Karamatsu!
**[17:16] Choro**
No, seriously, what the hell?
**[17:18] Oso**
Question number two!
**[17:19] Choro**
Can I go home now?!
**[17:22] Oso**
Of the following,
which is Karamatsu's wiener?
**[17:25] Choro**
Uh, isn't there one extra?
**[17:27] Choro**
You actually found someone to help you
with the worst quiz in the world?!
**[17:30] Oso**
Your answer!
**[17:32] Choro**
The one on the far left.
**[17:33] Oso**
The far left!
**[17:34] Oso**
The correct answer is...
**[17:36] Oso**
Too bad! It was actually the far right!
**[17:39] Choro**
Seriously, who is that on the left?!
**[17:40] Choro**
That concerns me more than anything!
**[17:42] Oso**
All right, question number three!
**[17:42] Choro**
That's enough!
**[17:44] Oso**
What ethnicity does this wiener belong to?
**[17:46] Choro**
Where the hell did you get that foreigner?!
**[17:48] Oso**
A: Japanese. B: American. C: African.
**[17:52] Choro**
C: African!
**[17:53] Oso**
And the correct answer is...
**[17:56] Oso**
Too bad! It was A: Japanese!
**[17:59] Choro**
The one you'd least expect?!
**[18:00] Choro**
You've really grown, Hatabou...
**[18:02] Oso**
Question number four!
**[18:03] Choro**
When is this going to end?
**[18:06] Oso**
What could this be?
**[18:08] Choro**
What do you mean, "what"?
It's a wiener, right?
**[18:10] Oso**
Correct! Question number five!
**[18:12] Choro**
Was that necessary?!
**[18:13] Oso**
One day, a lone Todomatsu came walking by.
**[18:17] Oso**
Then from the other way
came a lone Ichimatsu.
**[18:21] Oso**
And then came Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu...
**[18:24] Oso**
All right! How many does that make?!
**[18:26] Choro**
There are only four,
no matter how you look at it!
**[18:29] Oso**
The end!
**[18:30] Oso**
Make sure you watch again next week!
**[18:32] Choro**
Stop it! Stop shaking your wieners!
**[18:34] Choro**
Stop it!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[20:07] Choro**
Hey, this is Choromatsu.
**[20:08] Choro**
Next time on Osomatsu-san, it's "Let's
Become Independent" and "This Is Totoko."
**[20:13] Choro**
Finally, the Totoko-chan episode!
**[20:16] Choro**
You're so cute, Totoko!
***SIGN*** "Let's Become Independent" "This Is Totoko"
**[20:18] Choro**
Totoko, you're so cute! Totoko!
# E3.5 - Virgin Heroes
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675K4XNR/virgin-heroes)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Please place this episode somewhere between
episodes 4 and 5 and view it with an open mind!
**[02:00] Nar**
*For the sextuplets of the Akatsuka Fujio Group,*
**[02:02] Nar**
*F6, mornings start cool and early.*
**[02:12] Oso**
Today's finally the day.
**[02:14] Nar**
*Their iron-clad leader,*
**[02:16] Nar**
*"Refreshing Justice," Matsuno Osomatsu.*
**[02:27] Nar**
* The youngest with miraculous looks,*
* the cutie fairy, Matsuno Todomatsu.*
**[02:32] Ichi**
I'm heading out, Todo.
**[02:33] Todo**
'Kay.
**[02:38] Kara**
Hey.
**[02:40] Nar**
* Nailing any prey he's after in a single shot,*
* the carnivorous piece of meat,*
**[02:44] Nar**
*Matsuno Karamatsu.*
**[02:50] Jyu**
Are you just having coffee
for breakfast again, Choro?
**[02:54] Nar**
* The prince that slays ten thousand,*
* the sweet prince, Matsuno Jyushimatsu.*
**[03:01] Choro**
This bitterness clears my brain.
**[03:06] Nar**
* An associate professor at Harvard*
* University, the beautiful genius,*
**[03:09] Nar**
*Matsuno Choromatsu.*
**[03:14] Ichi**
All right, let's go...
**[03:16] Ichi**
To the stage known as today.
**[03:18] Nar**
* The charismatic centripetal force,*
* the mysteriously cool Matsuno Ichimatsu.*
**[03:27] Oso**
Guys, I'm sure you're aware...
**[03:31] Kara**
This will be the test of all that we are.
**[03:33] Choro**
I won't go easy on you guys.
**[03:35] Ichi**
Of course.
**[03:37] Jyu**
Let's go all-out!
**[03:39] Todo**
I'm ready!
**[03:42] Oso**
Ready...
**[03:44] Oso**
Go!
**[03:54] Kara**
The wind is crying.
**[04:02] Jyu**
The ocean lets me be honest.
***SIGN*** Cat Stories
**[04:16] Ichi**
What's wrong?
**[04:19] Ichi**
The world isn't so bad.
**[04:29] Oso**
What's the matter?
**[04:32] Oso**
Honey, look up.
**[04:38] Todo**
I can feel it! My soul is trembling!
**[04:48] Choro**
Is this... the truth?
**[05:09] Kara**
Choro!
**[05:10] Choro**
Kara!
**[05:19] Oso**
I'll make you dance with these lead kisses.
**[05:31] Todo**
I'll give you a taste of heaven.
**[05:39] Choro**
So the IMF wants to challenge my brain?
**[05:49] Toto**
Huh?
**[05:49] Oso**
It's from the gentleman over there.
**[05:54] Toto**
You idiot!
**[06:01] Ichi**
Are you satisfied?
**[06:04] Ju**
Totokiku, it's about time.
**[06:06] Toto**
Right.
**[06:14] Todo**
Smooch.
**[06:44] Oso**
Hup!
**[06:54] Oso**
We've heard your voices!
**[07:00] Kara**
But this isn't all there is to the bond
you all share with me, is it?!
**[07:04] Choro**
More power! More love!
**[07:07] Ichi**
You don't need to hold back!
**[07:09] Jyu**
All right! Who's going to be the
King of Hot Guys, the Top Men?
**[07:12] Todo**
Put your hearts into your voices! Tell me!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-kun!!
**[07:17] Oso**
Osomatsu Academy, F6:
**[07:20] Oso**
The Top Men popularity contest!
**[07:22] Oso**
The announcement of the winner is drawing near!
**[07:26] Oso**
All right, are you ready?
**[07:40] Oso**
Come here,
**[07:42] Oso**
my little kitten.
**[07:44] Kara**
Don't show your tears
**[07:45] Kara**
to anyone but me.
**[07:48] Choro**
I recently realized that I...
**[07:51] Choro**
I'm no good without you.
**[07:54] Ichi**
There's nothing I can do.
**[07:56] Ichi**
I love you much more
**[07:58] Ichi**
than you love yourself.
**[07:59] Jyu**
These are my feelings for you right now!
**[08:02] Jyu**
Love you!
**[08:03] Todo**
Hey... I know a café where we can
drink some delicious Earl Grey.
**[08:07] Todo**
Wanna come with me?
**[08:11] Ann**
And now,
**[08:13] Ann**
please cast your votes!
**[08:24] Oso**
As you can see, I'm quite used
to being this hot by now,
**[08:28] Oso**
but before, I was troubled by
my role as a gag character.
***SIGN*** Matsujiru
**[08:32] Oso**
That's when someone recommended
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru to me.
**[08:37] Oso**
Drinking Matsujiru every day
**[08:38] Oso**
made me into a hot guy who isn't
embarrassed to be seen anywhere.
***SIGN*** *This Is His Own Personal Opinion
**[08:42] Oso**
It's all because of Matsujiru!
**[08:45] Oso**
They've taken all the calcium,
vitamins, minerals, and enzymes,
**[08:48] Oso**
and done something to something-or-other
and ended up with something.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Seal
Matsujiru
**[08:52] Oso**
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru.
**[08:54] Oso**
Order now, and you can get twelve
servings for only 129,600 yen!
***SIGN*** 129,600 Yen (Tax Included)
**[08:59] Oso**
Don't you want to be a hot guy, too?
**[09:01] Oso**
Call right now!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Virgin Heroes"
**[09:13] Choro**
I totally bought this, even though I'm broke.
**[09:17] Choro**
But that doesn't matter.
**[09:20] Choro**
I'm way too happy.
**[09:26] Choro**
Wow, those are people
who have true happiness.
**[09:32] Choro**
I'll take a different way home.
**[09:35] Oso**
Halt, young man! There's no reason
to choose a different path!
**[09:38] Choro**
Huh? What?
***SIGN*** O
**[09:41] Oso**
I'll photobomb your selfie completely naked!
**[09:44] Oso**
Cherry Osomatsu!
**[09:46] Kara**
Even when dealing with grade-schoolers,
I get nervous if they're girls.
***SIGN*** Ka
**[09:49] Kara**
Cherry Karamatsu!
**[09:50] Jyu**
Shibuya's scary!
***SIGN*** Jyu
**[09:52] Jyu**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
***SIGN*** Ichi
**[09:56] Ichi**
I'll kill you.
**[09:57] Ichi**
Cherry Ichimatsu.
**[09:59] Todo**
*Girugame*, come back!
***SIGN*** To
**[10:01] Todo**
Cherry Todomatsu!
**[10:03] Oso**
We'll take all the world's happiness
**[10:04] Oso**
and erase it!
**[10:06] All**
The Virgin Vigilante Corps!
Cherry Brothers!
***SIGN*** The Virgin Vigilante Corps
***SIGN*** Cherry Brothers
**[10:12] Oso**
Young man, now that we're here...
**[10:15] Oso**
Uh, hey!
**[10:17] Oso**
Why are you running away?
You called for help!
**[10:19] Choro**
I didn't.
**[10:20] Ichi**
You just want us to tear those
college kids apart, right?
**[10:23] Choro**
Please move.
**[10:24] Todo**
You can't fool us! Your eyes...
You're definitely one of us!
**[10:28] Choro**
You're pissing me off.
**[10:30] Choro**
What's with you people, anyway?
**[10:32] Oso**
Huh? We're heroes.
**[10:33] Choro**
What kind?
**[10:34] Kara**
Allow me to explain.
**[10:37] Kara**
Young man! This whole world is a caste system!
***SIGN*** Cherry Karamatsu's Easy-to-Understand
Society Caste Lecture
***SIGN*** Awesome
***SIGN*** Not Awesome
**[10:40] Kara**
Only a mere few are truly awesome.
**[10:42] Kara**
People say that you need to
work hard to get to the top.
**[10:44] Kara**
However!
**[10:45] Kara**
We believe that if you can work hard
at all, you're already up here.
**[10:49] Choro**
What kind of lesson is this?
**[10:51] Kara**
And this is where we are.
**[10:56] Kara**
The Dark Demon World's Shitty
Hell of Darkness caste.
**[10:59] Choro**
Just how low is that?!
**[11:00] Kara**
Probably around here.
**[11:01] Choro**
That's too low!
**[11:02] Kara**
By the way, to get from here to up here,
you need about three lifetimes.
**[11:06] Choro**
About 200 years?! That's never gonna happen!
**[11:08] Kara**
Yes. It's never going to happen!
**[11:10] Kara**
So rather than climbing up,
**[11:12] Kara**
we take slight pleasure in dragging
those above us down a bit.
**[11:16] Five**
That's the kind of heroes we are!
**[11:17] Choro**
Uh, what kind of heroes?
You're just a shady group!
**[11:21] Todo**
There's trouble!
**[11:22] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[11:23] Todo**
The enemy has finally started their barbecue!
**[11:26] Oso**
What?!
**[11:31] Jyu**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[11:32] Jyu**
It's too bright!
**[11:34] Oso**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
**[11:40] Oso**
He's dead.
**[11:41] Choro**
Why?! You die from looking at barbecues?!
**[11:43] Choro**
What kind of logic is that?!
**[11:45] Oso**
You idiot! Why did you look
directly at that blissful sight?
**[11:48] Kara**
It's just too intense for us, the Cherries!
**[11:51] Choro**
So you can't look at barbecues
with the naked eye...
**[11:53] Oso**
Damn it! We have to get our revenge!
**[11:57] Oso**
Let's go! Let's show them the power of virgins!
**[11:59] Choro**
Seriously, what?
**[12:02] Oso**
Take this!
**[12:03] Oso**
Water Jumping Stone!
**[12:06] Choro**
Er, you're just skipping stones!
**[12:08] Choro**
Is that all virgins can do?!
Well... Yeah, that's about right.
**[12:13] Oso**
It didn't reach! One more time!
**[12:15] Kara**
It's no use! There are no good stones!
**[12:17] Todo**
We're out of options!
**[12:20] Choro**
I'm going home. I'm going home
to watch all the anime I DVRed.
**[12:24] Iichi**
I-It can't be...
**[12:26] Todo**
What's the matter, Cherry Ichimatsu?
**[12:28] Ichi**
Look over there!
**[12:31] Todo**
Th-They're... They're off on their own!
**[12:34] Oso**
Don't look! You'll just be following in
the footsteps of Cherry Brother #5!
**[12:35] Choro**
Uh, hey!
**[12:39] Oso**
Oh, no... Cherry Ichimatsu is...
**[12:43] Ichi**
Even though they willingly
participated in the barbecue...
**[12:46] Ichi**
"I'm not used to these things."
**[12:48] Ichi**
"Oh, really? I'm not, either."
**[12:51] Ichi**
Is the contradictory conversation
they're having right now!
**[12:54] Ichi**
It's completely unforgivable!
**[12:59] Choro**
What the? What the hell is that?!
**[13:10] Choro**
What is that?
**[13:11] Oso**
That's the mythical beast that eats
all those who are truly happy!
**[13:15] Oso**
The Normie Eater Ichigeruge!
***SIGN*** Normie Eater Ichigeruge
**[13:17] Choro**
What the hell is that?!
**[13:22] Nar**
* Oh, no! One of the members of the Cherry*
* Brothers has turned into a monster!*
**[13:26] Nar**
*What will they do? What will happen?!*
**[13:28] Nar**
*The conclusion after this commercial break!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[13:32] Nar**
*Water Jumping Stone!*
**[13:35] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[13:37] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[13:39] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[13:43] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[13:46] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[13:49] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
**[13:53] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater Pajamas!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[14:03] Nar**
*In their battle to the death with college
kids having a barbecue by the river,*
***SIGN*** Please stay a safe distance from reality when watching "Virgin Vigilante Corps"!!
**[14:07] Nnar**
*Cherry Ichimatsu turned into a monster.*
**[14:10] Nar**
*However...*
**[14:12] Nar**
*By giving Cherry Ichimatsu a cat,*
**[14:15] Nar**
* the Cherry Brothers were able*
* to quell the darkness within him!*
**[14:19] Choro**
Just how much does he like cats?
**[14:22] Oso**
Damn it! Look what happened to Cherry
Brother #4 and Cherry Brother #5...
**[14:25] Oso**
What can we do?!
**[14:26] Choro**
You could probably go home.
**[14:28] Todo**
Cherry Brother #1, I have a good idea.
**[14:31] Todo**
Look over there!
**[14:33] Todo**
There's a good, flat stone over there!
**[14:36] Choro**
That's enough Water Jumping Stone!
I've actually learned the name!
**[14:39] Oso**
But if it's over there, we can't use it.
**[14:42] Todo**
I'll go get it.
**[14:43] Kara**
What are you saying, Cherry?
**[14:45] Oso**
If you go over to that sparkling bunch alone...
**[14:48] Oso**
You saw what happened to these two!
**[14:51] Todo**
It's okay if I die.
**[14:54] Both**
Wha—
**[14:55] Todo**
Because I'm...
**[14:57] Todo**
one of the Cherry Brothers!
**[15:00] Choro**
Uh... He is just going to pick up a stone, right?
**[15:03] Todo**
Ah... The memories.
**[15:06] Todo**
I joined the Cherry Brothers five years ago.
**[15:08] Todo**
I went to rent one of *those* kinds of
DVDs in the middle of the night—
**[15:11] Choro**
Really, we don't need a flashback!
No one cares about your backstory!
**[15:28] Todo**
It's so good! So this is what a
toasted marshmallow tastes like!
**[15:33] Girl**
You're so funny!
**[15:35] Choro**
Wow, he totally just betrayed you guys,
didn't he? He is that kind of guy...
**[15:39] Kara**
I'm gonna go kill him.
**[15:40] Oso**
Please.
**[15:41] Choro**
Whoa, you're scaring me! Don't do it!
**[15:43] Choro**
No gory scenes!
**[15:49] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:51] Choro**
He's coming back.
**[15:52] Oso**
Wh-What's wrong, Cherry?
**[15:56] Oso**
Hey.
**[15:57] Kara**
Th-They invited us over...
**[16:00] Kara**
They asked if we wanted to
join the barbecue with them.
**[16:04] Oso**
Huh?!
**[16:06] Choro**
It ripped!
**[16:08] Ooso**
Impossible!
**[16:09] Ooso**
Those people above the clouds are asking
us sewer dwellers to come eat with them?!
**[16:14] Choro**
And now you're deprecating yourself.
**[16:15] Oso**
Inconceivable! It must be a trap!
**[16:17] Todo**
Come on, what are you doing? Hurry on over!
**[16:21] Oso**
Cherry Todomatsu, you bastard!
**[16:24] Todo**
Come on, stop that.
**[16:25] Todo**
The club has a shared house on campus.
**[16:28] Oso**
He's already acting like a college student!
**[16:30] Choro**
I don't even have a clue what he said.
**[16:32] Todo**
Come on, it's okay. They're all nice people.
**[16:37] Ichi**
Nice... people?
**[16:41] Todo**
And it's a lot of fun!
**[16:44] Ichi**
Fun...?
**[16:48] Choro**
Hey, that monster just
learned how to speak human.
**[16:51] Oso**
W-Was there anyone wearing perfume?
**[16:54] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:55] Oso**
How about someone with a tattoo?
**[16:56] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:57] Oso**
Anyone with jewels on their nipples?
**[16:59] Choro**
Of course not! Just how are
you imagining these people?!
**[17:02] Todo**
Come on, let's go.
**[17:03] Oso**
No, I cannot.
**[17:05] Todo**
What?
**[17:06] Oso**
I'm... We're...
**[17:09] Oso**
The Japanese Anti-Flirting
Squad, Student Fucking!
**[17:12] Choro**
Was that really your name?!
**[17:14] Oso**
No matter the temptation,
we cannot escape our destiny!
**[17:18] Todo**
Oh, okay. That's fine.
**[17:20] Todo**
Let's go, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[17:22] Choro**
And you finally forgot the setting and
outright called him "Karamatsu-niisan."
**[17:25] Ichi**
Wait...
**[17:29] Ichi**
I'll go, too...
**[17:31] Todo**
Really?!
**[17:32] Oso**
Hey, what are you saying, monster?!
**[17:34] Ichi**
Want... barbecue... want... meet people...
**[17:49] Choro**
Now what?!
**[17:51] Choro**
Huh? What is this?!
**[17:53] Kara**
That's... the legendary virgin form that only
the most warped virgins can reach...
***SIGN*** Sealed
**[18:00] Kara**
The "I've Finally Admitted
to Just Being Jealous God."
***SIGN*** Virgin God
***SIGN*** I've Finally Admitted to Just Being Jealous God
**[18:03] Choro**
You can become a god because of that?!
**[18:06] Chi**
Cherry Osomatsu...
**[18:09] Ichi**
Do not fear the barbecue.
**[18:12] Ichi**
It is only an event in which
they grill meat and vegetables.
**[18:16] Kara**
Such a simple explanation!
**[18:18] Todo**
He's so accepting!
**[18:20] Choro**
Are you guys stupid?
**[18:21] Oso**
I can't!
**[18:23] Oso**
You say that, but a girl's reaction
will be totally different
**[18:26] Oso**
when some hot guy talks to
her and when I talk to her!
**[18:30] Todo**
Ah, yeah. Definitely.
**[18:32] Kara**
That gap is brutal.
**[18:34] Ichi**
Are you still saying that, you fools?!
**[18:40] Ichi**
Look with hopeful eyes,
**[18:44] Ichi**
and...
**[18:46] Ichi**
Look between your legs!
**[18:57] Ich**
That's just from the slight possibility that
you might be able to befriend them.
**[19:01] Ichi**
So stop your complaining!
**[19:03] All**
We're sorry!
**[19:06] Ichi**
There is nothing for virgins to protect.
**[19:08] Ichi**
Let us go.
**[19:10] Ichi**
Let us party with some sexy college students!
**[19:14] All**
Wahoo!
**[19:19] Nar**
*And so, the Cherry Brothers and Choromatsu*
**[19:21] Nar**
*took their first step to losing their virginity.*
**[19:25] Nar**
*And they lived happily ever after!*
**[19:28] Nar**
*Next week,*
**[19:29] Nar**
*"The Girl We Got Close To Is a
Multi-Talented Charisma!" Look forward to it!*
***SIGN*** End
**[21:05] Guy**
*Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
**[21:09] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[21:10] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[21:12] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[21:16] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[21:19] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[21:22] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[21:27] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater ashtrays!*
# E4 - Let's Become Independent / This Is Totoko
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYX032GNR/lets-become-independent--this-is-totoko)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:11] Iyami**
Sheeeeh!
**[00:16] Iyami**
Sheh?
**[00:20] Iyami**
Sheeeeh!
**[00:25] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[00:30] Iyami**
Sheeeeeeeh!
**[00:36] Todo**
He's practicing...
***SIGN*** Let's Find a Dangerous Job
***SIGN*** Let's Find a Job on the Net
***SIGN*** An Easy Job...
**[02:07] [Messenger] Sign**
Let's Find a Job on
Our Smartphones
***SIGN*** "Let's Become Independent"
**[02:08] Choro**
I can't seem to find anything...
**[02:10] Choro**
How do you even become an idol manager?
***SIGN*** Black Factory
***SIGN*** Come Forth!
Men Filled With Aspirations!!
**[02:17] Choro**
Huh?
**[02:19] Choro**
I'm home.
**[02:23] Choro**
Uh... It's the middle of the day, on a weekday.
**[02:27] Oso**
Oh, welcome home, Choromatsu.
**[02:29] Todo**
Welcome home!
**[02:31] Choro**
Why aren't you guys looking for jobs?
You've totally given up, haven't you?
**[02:35] Toro**
Oh? Are you still annoyed?
**[02:37] Oso**
That's the problem with greedy people.
**[02:40] Choro**
What does that mean?
**[02:41] Oso**
You keep telling us to find a job,
but what more do we even need right now?
**[02:47] Oso**
We have a house, food,
and clothes on our backs.
**[02:50] Oso**
Getting a job on top of that
would be too great a luxury.
**[02:53] Oso**
Right, Akatsuka-sensei?
**[02:56] Oso**
This is how it should be.
**[02:58] Choro**
No, it's not! Why did you use Sensei
to justify what you just said?
**[03:01] Choro**
All six of us being jobless isn't funny at all!
**[03:04] Todo**
If we run into trouble in the future,
the six of us can just help each other out.
**[03:07] Jyu**
Yeah, there *are* six of us!
**[03:08] Choro**
Actually, the problem is that there are
six of us, and not one is responsible!
**[03:13] Kara**
Not responsible, huh...
**[03:16] Kara**
That's a compliment. Bang!
**[03:20] Choro**
What?!
**[03:20] Oso**
We have food, so what's the problem?
**[03:22] Choro**
Yeah, with our parents' money!
If we keep this up...
**[03:27] Dad**
Enough already!
**[03:28] Momo**
Back at ya!
**[03:29] Dad**
To think I've been married to
someone like you for 24 years!
**[03:32] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:33] Dad**
You're a horrible wife!
**[03:35] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:35] Dad**
Flat chest!
**[03:36] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:37] Dad**
I don't have any boobs!
**[03:39] Dad**
That's enough! I'm...
**[03:41] Dad**
divorcing you!
**[03:44] Choro**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Divorce Form
***SIGN*** Husband: Matsuno Matsuzou
Wife: Matsuno Matsuyo
**[03:47] Choro**
Huh? Wait...
**[03:48] Choro**
What does this mean?
**[03:50] Dad**
It's exactly what it looks like.
Your mother and I are separating.
**[03:53] Choro**
Why so suddenly?!
**[03:54] Dad**
We're having creative differences.
**[03:56] Choro**
A band? Are you a band?!
**[03:58] Choro**
What do you mean, "creative differences"?!
**[04:00] Mom**
We just don't get along.
**[04:02] Oso**
How can you say that after
you had sextuplets, Mom?!
**[04:04] Dad**
Anyway, this household ends today.
**[04:07] Dad**
We're going to sell this house, too.
**[04:10] Six**
What?!
**[04:12] Oso**
*W-Wait...*
**[04:13] Oso**
*Our one and only stronghold...*
**[04:16] Mom**
You're all adults now,
so you should live as you please.
**[04:19] Oso**
H-Hold it!
**[04:21] Oso**
Please rethink this.
**[04:23] Kara**
Don't say you're separating!
**[04:25] Choro**
Let's talk this out.
**[04:26] Ichi**
Let's understand each other.
**[04:27] Jyu**
Because we're...
**[04:28] Todo**
...one big...
**[04:30] Six**
...precious family!
**[04:32] Dad**
Y-You guys...
**[04:36] Oso**
* Listen up! We need to stop them*
* from divorcing at all costs!*
**[04:39] Oso**
*If we lose our house, we're...*
**[04:42] Six**
*...finished!*
**[04:46] Mom**
I understand.
**[04:47] Mom**
None of you have any income,
**[04:49] Mom**
so it'd be rough for you if we divorced
right now and got rid of the house.
**[04:52] Six**
*Gulp!*
**[04:53] Choro**
* They totally have us figured out!*
* Parents are incredible!*
**[04:56] Mom**
But you have to understand that
your father and I are old now.
**[04:59] Mom**
Even if I wanted to live with all of you,
I could never take all six of you in.
**[05:04] Mom**
But I can't leave some of you behind
and take the others, either.
**[05:08] Mom**
Because I love all of you equally!
**[05:12] Choro**
* Uh, isn't she actually saying*
* something awful in a very nice way?*
**[05:16] Dad**
I don't really care.
**[05:17] Dad**
I mean, if we had a daughter,
it'd be one thing, but...
**[05:20] Choro**
*And he's being way too honest!*
**[05:22] Oso**
Then just take me!
**[05:24] Todo**
No fair! Take me!
**[05:26] Kara**
Mom, take me!
**[05:27] Jyu**
Please take me!
**[05:30] Mom**
All right...
**[05:31] Mom**
I'll give all of you an equal opportunity.
**[05:34] Oso**
Equal opportunity?
**[05:37] Mom**
I'll interview you.
**[05:39] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependents Selection Interview Hall
**[05:41] Mom**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependents Selection Interviews.
***SIGN*** HR
**[05:46] Mom**
Those who pass this interview will
become one of my dependents.
**[05:51] Mom**
All of you make sure to show off
what fine sons you are.
***SIGN*** Please Be Quiet
**[05:54] Mom**
It's a pleasure having you all.
**[05:56] All**
Thanks for having us.
**[05:58] Choro**
*What's with this messed-up atmosphere?*
**[05:59] Choro**
*Family Dependents Selection Interview?*
**[06:02] Mom**
So who'd like to show their appeal first?
**[06:03] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[06:03] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[06:05] Choro**
*Holy crap! It's a shameless
battle between brothers!*
**[06:10] Todo**
Excuse me!
**[06:11] Todo**
Before we start the interview,
can I say just one thing?
**[06:14] Mom**
Um... The youngest brother, Todomatsu-san?
**[06:18] Choro**
* Uh, you know who he is!*
* What the hell are those papers?*
**[06:21] Todo**
I'd like to withdraw from this interview.
**[06:23] All**
What?!
**[06:24] Mom**
What do you mean?
**[06:26] Todo**
I can't help but think there's
something wrong with this.
**[06:29] Todo**
For us brothers go as far as
fighting to have you support us...
**[06:33] Todo**
It's really sad that you're divorcing,
**[06:36] Todo**
but it's a chance for us
to become independent.
**[06:39] Todo**
Thanks for everything you've done, Mom.
**[06:41] Todo**
I'll try living on my own. Bye.
**[06:44] Mom**
Wait.
**[06:46] Mom**
You pass.
**[06:48] Todo**
Yay! Woohoo!
**[06:50] Todo**
I made it first!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[06:53] All**
*He... He got us!*
**[06:56] Choro**
* By refusing to have any part*
* in this messed-up situation,*
**[06:59] Choro**
*he managed to act like the best son!*
**[07:01] Choro**
*No less from Todomatsu, the youngest brother*
**[07:03] Choro**
*who's a master of capturing the human heart!*
**[07:05] Choro**
*He plays dirty!*
**[07:06] Choro**
*Crap...*
**[07:07] Choro**
*He beat me to it! I gotta hurry.*
**[07:09] Jyu**
Me, me, me, me, me!
**[07:10] Jyu**
Can I go?! Can I go?!
**[07:12] Mom**
Um...
**[07:13] Choro**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[07:14] Choro**
* You know who we are! Why do you keep*
* up this charade of an interview?!*
**[07:18] Jyu**
Um, so... My selling point is
I have very good luck!
**[07:21] Jyu**
Also, I can hit 20 home runs in a year.
**[07:24] Choro**
* What appeal are you trying to make?!*
* You're taking this in the wrong direction!*
**[07:27] Mom**
Do you have strong shoulders?
**[07:28] Choro**
*Why would you ask that?!*
**[07:30] Jyu**
I can throw 80 meters!
**[07:33] Jyu**
Hup, hup, hup...
**[07:44] Todo**
The distance is 78 meters!
**[07:48] Mom**
You're on reserve.
**[07:49] Jyu**
Damn it!
**[07:51] Choro**
* What kind of test is this?!*
* What happens if we have strong shoulders?*
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[07:56] Choro**
* H-How is she even judging us?*
* This interview is seriously hard!*
**[08:01] Oso**
Here!
**[08:01] Mom**
Go ahead.
**[08:02] Choro**
* Osomatsu-niisan... I wonder*
* what he's gonna try.*
**[08:06] Oso**
I have a perfectly valid motive to want
to live with you and be a dependent, Mom.
**[08:10] Choro**
*A motive to be a dependent?!*
**[08:11] Choro**
* Isn't having a motive to be*
* a dependent pretty horrible?!*
**[08:14] Oso**
Someday, I want to repay you for
taking care of me all of these years.
**[08:18] Oso**
I want to get a decent job so
I can make your life easier later.
**[08:22] Oso**
To do that, I want to live with you forever.
**[08:29] Mom**
That's clever.
**[08:30] Choro**
*Is that an option?!*
**[08:32] Mom**
But it's a bit cliché. I can't say it feels
great to have that goodwill forced on me.
**[08:36] Choro**
* The difficulty level of*
* this interview is insane!*
**[08:39] Oso**
Damn, and I was trying to
force my goodwill on her.
**[08:41] Choro**
*You were?!*
**[08:42] Oso**
Yeah, of course I don't actually think that.
**[08:45] Oso**
I just want to live the rest of
my life mooching off my parents.
**[08:48] Choro**
*Hey, you're being too honest!*
**[08:49] Choro**
*You're gonna ruin it for the rest of us! Stop it!*
**[08:52] Oso**
I still want to be spoiled!
**[08:54] Oso**
I want to live my days with my meals made
for me and my laundry already done!
**[08:58] Oso**
I don't wanna do anything!
**[08:59] Choro**
*I can't watch this...*
**[08:59] Oso**
I don't wanna! Don't wanna!
**[09:01] Mom**
So cute! You pass!
**[09:02] Four**
What?!
**[09:04] Oso**
Really?!
**[09:04] Mom**
You hit my motherly instincts.
**[09:06] Mom**
Sons are always best when
they're a bit needy.
**[09:10] Oso**
Woohoo!
**[09:12] Todo**
All right, Osomatsu-niisan!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[09:16] Choro**
*Seriously? He actually passed!*
**[09:18] Choro**
*How does the mind of a mother work?*
**[09:21] Kara**
Me too, Mom.
**[09:23] Kara**
I want to live my life without working
and with my meals prepared for me.
**[09:29] Mom**
Wrong.
**[09:30] Choro**
Yeah, that's totally wrong, Karamatsu.
That just makes you trash.
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[09:37] Choro**
* He's making his move! The joker that none*
* of us can read is finally making his move!*
**[09:41] Ichi**
I don't actually feel the
need to live with you,
**[09:44] Ichi**
but who knows what I'll do without
anyone keeping an eye on me?
**[09:50] Ichi**
You sure you're okay setting me free?
**[09:52] Ichi**
What if one of your sons turns into a criminal?
**[09:57] Mom**
Y-You pass. Let's live together.
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[10:02] Kara**
Me, too!
**[10:04] Kara**
I'm crazy, too! It's dangerous
to leave me alone, Mommy!
**[10:09] Choro**
*She completely ignored him!*
**[10:11] Choro**
Just shut up, Karamatsu!
**[10:12] Choro**
Worst case scenario,
I'll just take care of you.
**[10:15] Bg**
Yay!
**[10:15] Choro**
*Crap... They keep passing one by one.*
**[10:18] Choro**
* I need to hurry up and think*
* of some kind of appeal.*
**[10:21] Mom**
I think that's about it.
**[10:22] Choro**
What?! It's over?!
**[10:24] Mom**
I've taken in three.
**[10:26] Mom**
The rest of you should talk to your father.
**[10:29] Choro**
*What?! There's no way I can live with these two!*
**[10:33] Choro**
W-Wait a sec, Mom!
**[10:36] Choro**
Think about this rationally.
**[10:37] Choro**
Who would you be happiest living with?
**[10:41] Oso**
Hey! The interview's over!
**[10:43] Todo**
You're being pathetic!
**[10:44] Choro**
I'm the safest bet out of the six of us.
**[10:47] Choro**
I have the best chance of finding a job,
and I'll probably get married.
**[10:50] Oso**
Getting married has nothing
to do with anything.
**[10:53] Todo**
Don't change the subject!
**[10:55] Choro**
But it does! Because if I get married...
**[10:58] Choro**
I'll give you a grandchild, Mom.
**[11:01] Oso**
Hey, you're playing dirty! He's cheating!
**[11:03] Todo**
Using a grandchild isn't fair, you filthy bastard!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:06] Oso**
Wait... Mom?!
**[11:07] Oso**
Don't let him trick you!
**[11:09] Oso**
We can give you grandchildren, too!
**[11:10] Todo**
Yeah!
**[11:13] Mom**
Who's the horniest?
**[11:15] Oso**
What are you asking us, Mom?!
**[11:16] Todo**
She's completely lost her senses.
**[11:16] Mom**
A grandchild... Grandchild... Grandchild...
**[11:18] Todo**
Bastard! How dare you mess with Mom's mind?!
**[11:22] Choro**
Looks like grandchildren are
alluring to parents after all!
**[11:26] Oso**
Damn it! We were so close!
**[11:28] Oso**
That was completely under the radar.
**[11:30] Todo**
Who would've thought of a grandkid?
**[11:31] Choro**
You won't take the position of dependent!
**[11:33] Oso**
I'm the one who'll be taken care of!
**[11:35] Todo**
No, she's going to feed me!
**[11:37] Jyu**
It's me!
**[11:37] Ichii**
No...
**[11:38] Kara**
It's me!
**[11:48] Mom**
Stop it, you stupid NEETs!
**[11:51] Oso**
Hey, stop it, you stupid NEETs!
**[11:54] All**
'Kay.
**[11:57] Mom**
This is over. I don't want
to see you brothers fight.
**[12:02] Dad**
Your father should feel the same. Right?
**[12:06] Choro**
D-Dad! But why?!
**[12:08] Dad**
I never dreamed it would reach this point.
**[12:12] Mom**
I'm sorry we made you do something
as stupid as an interview.
**[12:15] Mom**
Your father and I will think of
another way to resolve things.
**[12:19] Dad**
Yeah.
**[12:20] Choro**
Really?
**[12:22] Mmom**
Indeed.
**[12:25] Six**
Yes!
**[12:31] Six**
NEET!
**[12:31] Six**
Yay!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependent Draft Pick Meeting
**[12:35] Host**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependent Draft Pick Meeting.
**[12:41] Host**
The first pick for the Dad Bears is...
***SIGN*** Dad Bears
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
Third Son: Guarantees a Grandchild
**[12:44] Host**
Matsuno Choromatsu.
Third son, guarantees a grandchild.
**[12:49] Host**
The first pick for the Mom Fighters is...
**[12:52] Host**
Matsuno Choromatsu.
Third son, guarantees a grandchild.
***SIGN*** Mom Fighters
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
Third Son: Guarantees a Grandchild
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependent Draft Pick Meeting
**[13:02] Host**
And now, the result of the draw is...
**[13:07] Oso**
Let's become independent.
***SIGN*** "This Is Totoko"
**[13:12] Oso**
*It's no use... I can't stop sweating.*
**[13:15] Oso**
*Why am I in Totoko-chan's room?*
**[13:17] Oso**
*Why did she invite me over alone?*
**[13:19] Oso**
* I know I shouldn't, but I keep*
* getting weird expectations...*
**[13:23] Oso**
*But seriously...*
**[13:24] Oso**
*Why are girls' rooms so cute?*
**[13:27] Oso**
*It smells so nice...*
**[13:28] Oso**
*Everything in this room is so lovable.*
**[13:31] Oso**
*Even the eraser...*
**[13:32] Oso**
*is kind of cute...*
**[13:36] Toto(Oso)**
Sorry to invite you over
so suddenly, Osomatsu-kun.
**[13:38] Oso**
No problem. What's up?
**[13:40] Toto**
Well, I wanted to talk
to you about something...
**[13:42] Oso**
Talk?
**[13:43] Toto**
I have someone I like.
**[13:46] Toto**
But he doesn't even know I'm
alive. What should I do?
**[13:51] Osos**
You should just tell him honestly.
**[13:53] Toto**
You really think so?
**[13:55] Oso**
Yeah.
**[13:56] Toto**
Okay, I'll tell him.
**[13:58] Toto**
I love you.
**[13:59] Toto**
I love you, Osomatsu-kun.
**[14:02] Oso**
T-Totoko-chan?
**[14:02] Oso**
W-Wait, what?
**[14:03] Oso**
You're being so bold...
**[14:06] Oso**
Totoko-chan!
**[14:10] Oso**
Leg cramp!
**[14:13] Oso**
*She's here!*
**[14:14] Oso**
*Calm down. Just act normal... Normal...*
**[14:17] Oso**
*I can do this!*
**[14:26] Oso**
It's you?
**[14:31] Oso**
Jyushimatsu... Jyushimatsu!
**[14:33] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:34] Oso**
Don't swing a bat in someone's house. Hey!
**[14:35] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:37] Oso**
What the heck? I wasn't the
only one she invited over?
**[14:37] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:39] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:41] Oso**
Totoko-chan, why'd you invite both of us?
**[14:42] Oso**
Hup!
**[14:43] Jyu**
Maybe we're gonna play baseball!
**[14:46] Oso**
Here she comes. Let's ask her.
**[14:57] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:00] Oso**
Todomatsu... Todomatsu...
**[15:03] Oso**
Stop crying! I know how you feel!
**[15:06] Oso**
That's what I thought was going on, too!
**[15:08] Oso**
But it's not...
**[15:09] Todo**
I had my hopes up!
**[15:11] Oso**
I don't get it... What is
Totoko-chan trying to do?
**[15:15] Jyu**
Maybe baseball!
**[15:17] Oso**
Let's ask her.
**[15:27] Oso**
This isn't good.
**[15:30] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu. What should we do?
**[15:32] Oso**
He won't stop staring.
**[15:35] Oso**
We shouldn't tease him, right?
**[15:36] Todo**
Nope. He'll kill you.
**[15:39] Todo**
More importantly, where's Totoko-chan?
**[15:41] Oso**
I have no idea. She just
asked me to wait in her room.
**[15:47] Oso**
She's here.
**[15:53] Both**
Whoa...
**[15:56] Oso**
What should we do, Todomatsu?
**[15:58] Oso**
Should we call the cops?
**[15:59] Todo**
I'm scared...
**[16:00] Oso**
It is scary!
**[16:01] Oso**
Someone just invites him over,
and he shows up in a bathrobe!
**[16:05] Oso**
That's totally occult!
**[16:06] Todo**
Huh? It looks like Choromatsu-niisan
is the only one not here.
**[16:09] Oso**
Oh, you're right.
**[16:10] Oso**
Here he comes.
**[16:11] Todo**
He's probably wearing some cheesy fashion.
**[16:18] Oso**
What's going on?! A ton of people showed up!
**[16:20] Jyu**
Baseball?!
**[16:24] Oso**
Why are so many people here?! What's happening?
**[16:27] Oso**
There are even cameras!
**[16:29] Todo**
With this many people here...
**[16:31] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[16:32] Todo**
It's not baseball, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[16:34] Jyu**
What?! We're not playing baseball?!
**[16:37] Oso**
Actually, I guess Choromatsu really
was the only one not invited.
**[16:40] Todo**
Yeah.
**[16:51] Oso**
What is it?
**[16:52] Todo**
I dunno.
**[16:54] Choro**
I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time
**[16:57] Choro**
out of your busy schedules
to come here for Totoko-chan.
**[17:02] Choro**
I'm her manager, Choromatsu.
**[17:04] Oso**
Manager?!
**[17:05] Choro**
Totoko-chan has a very important
announcement for everyone today.
**[17:10] Choro**
If you will...
**[17:11] Toto**
Yes.
**[17:12] Toto**
You see...
**[17:16] Toto**
I've been hiding something from you all.
**[17:18] Jyu**
Were you in a porno?
**[17:21] Toto**
Actually, I...
**[17:24] Toto**
became an idol!
**[17:27] People**
Idol?
**[17:28] People**
Totoko-chan?
**[17:31] Choro**
In addition,
**[17:33] Choro**
she's not doing this as just a hobby.
**[17:36] Choro**
In order to help make her parents'
fish shop even a little more famous,
**[17:40] Choro**
Totoko-chan chose the path of becoming
an idol, in part, to help promote it.
**[17:44] Choro**
This is what you call a beautiful
devotion to your parents.
**[17:48] Choro**
However, a big problem has come up. Right?
**[17:52] Toto**
Yes... You see, I have my debut
concert coming up soon...
**[17:57] Toto**
But, um...
**[18:00] Toto**
Oh, I can't, Choromatsu-san!
I just can't say it!
**[18:02] Choro**
You can do it! You have
to be the one to say it!
**[18:04] Choro**
Okay?
**[18:06] Oso**
Uh... Exactly what kind of show is this?
**[18:10] Toto**
But...
**[18:11] Toto**
Choromatsu-san...
**[18:12] Choro**
It's okay. Everyone will understand.
**[18:15] Choro**
Okay. I will believe in everyone.
**[18:18] Oso**
* They're reading cue cards!*
* This is a total act!*
**[18:22] Toto**
You see... About the tickets
for my debut concert...
**[18:28] Toto**
I haven't sold a single one!
***SIGN*** Totoko-chan
Debut Concert!!
**[18:32] Oso**
*Huh? That's what this is about?*
**[18:36] Choro**
And so, because you all have such
big hearts, we'd like you to buy some.
**[18:39] Choro**
I repeat, this is for her parents' shop.
**[18:42] Choro**
For her parents.
**[18:44] Choro**
This is not the act of some selfish idol!
**[18:47] Choro**
We look forward to your cooperation.
***SIGN*** Totoko-chan! Happy Debut Concert
**[18:50] Oso**
Don't be ridiculous, Choromatsu!
**[18:52] Todo**
The tickets are super expensive!
They're 8,500 yen!
**[18:55] Oso**
And the towels are 20,000 yen?!
These are just hand towels from this shop!
**[18:58] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan bought about
100,000 yen worth of them!
**[19:02] Oso**
That's just because he's an idiot.
**[19:04] Choro**
Huh? You guys bought those
of your own free will, right?
**[19:07] Oso**
We were forced to buy them!
**[19:08] Choro**
But it's for her parents...
**[19:10] Oso**
Uh, their shop seems to be doing pretty well!
**[19:13] Oso**
Her dad drives a Mercedes Benz.
**[19:15] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you become a
complete fool when girls get involved.
**[19:19] Oso**
Wait, something's fishy.
**[19:22] Oso**
You're getting something in return, aren't you?
**[19:24] Todo**
You are?!
**[19:25] Oso**
Tell us honestly. What is Totoko-chan doing
for you in exchange for your cooperation?
**[19:30] Choro**
N-Nothing, really...
**[19:31] Oso**
Jyushimatsu. Octopus hold.
**[19:33] Choro**
Wait!
**[19:35] Oso**
Read the flow of the conversation!
**[19:37] Todo**
So, what did she do for you?
**[19:40] Todo**
Well? Choromatsu-niisan?!
**[19:42] Choro**
Just once...
**[19:43] Todo**
Just once...?!
**[19:45] Cho**
S...
**[19:46] Both**
Se—?!
**[19:48] Choo**
Sh-She patted me on the back.
**[19:52] Oso**
Give me back my money, damn it!
**[19:54] Todo**
Yeah!
**[19:57] Jyu**
Hey, she's here!
**[19:58] Choro**
It's Totoko-chan!
**[20:00] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[20:19] Totoko**
*Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full*
**[20:24] Choro**
One serving of squid!
**[20:26] Totoko**
*Love is an illusion*
**[20:27] Choro**
Fish dried overnight!
**[20:29] Toto**
*All people breathe through gills!*
**[20:32] Choro**
Glub, glub, glub! Yay!
**[20:36] Choro**
Isn't she cute?!
**[20:38] Five**
Super cute!
**[20:42] Six**
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
**[20:50] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The End
**[22:36] Oso**
I got the place to myself? Lucky me!
**[22:40] Oso**
Whoa, what the hell?
**[22:41] Todo**
Todomatsu...
**[22:42] Dayon**
...and Dayon's...
**[22:44] Todo**
...delivery skit!
**[22:46] Todo**
Red Riding Hood That's Actually Sad.
**[22:49] Oso**
Huh? Wha?
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
***SIGN*** Red Riding Hood That's Actually Sad
**[22:53] Todo**
Hey, Grandma.
**[22:55] Dayon**
What's the matter, Red Riding Hood?
**[22:58] Todo**
Why are your eyes so droopy?
**[23:01] Dayon**
That's because of...
**[23:03] Dayon**
genetics.
**[23:05] Todo**
Then why is your moustache so coarse?
**[23:08] Dayon**
That's because of genetics.
**[23:12] Todo**
Then why is your mouth so big?
**[23:15] Dayon**
That's because of...
**[23:22] Dayon**
genetics!
**[23:25] Todo**
I'm sorry for picking on you!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Jyushi**
Heya!
**[23:36] Jyushi**
Heya, heya, heya, heya!
**[23:37] Jyushi**
This is Jyushimatsu!
**[23:39] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san.
**[23:42] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san!
**[23:46] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san!
***SIGN*** "The Karamatsu Incident" "ESP Kitty"
# E5 - The Karamatsu Incident / ESP Kitty
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR190GW16/the-karamatsu-incident--esp-kitty)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** The Karamatsu Incident
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[01:35] Oso**
I'm full.
**[01:36] Chibi**
You drank too much, you idjit.
**[01:38] Chibi**
You guys better have money
to pay for all this.
**[01:41] Choro**
We do.
**[01:41] Ichi**
We don't.
**[01:42] Chibi**
One of you said you don't, you idjits!
**[01:44] Chibi**
Damn it... Always putting
everything on your tab.
**[01:48] Chibi**
You spent quite a bit again today, y'know.
**[01:50] Chibi**
Go home already.
**[01:52] Jyu**
Yum! More oden, please!
**[01:55] Chibi**
Take your time, idjit.
**[02:06] Choro**
We fell asleep.
**[02:07] Choro**
Come on, guys. Let's head home.
**[02:12] Choro**
How much is it, Chibita?
**[02:16] Choro**
Oh?
**[02:17] Todo**
Thanks for the meal, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[02:19] Oso**
Why is it me?
**[02:20] Oso**
We're splitting this evenly!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
**[02:27] Oso**
Sorry, Chibita! Put it on our tab!
**[02:43] Chibi**
Hey, hold it right there!
**[02:45] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:47] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:53] Chibi**
You'll regret this, damn you!
**[03:07] Kara**
Huh?!
**[03:12] Chibi**
I see you're awake, idjit.
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
**[03:18] Chibi**
Soon it'll be high tide, and you'll be finished.
**[03:25] Chibi**
You're my hostage, you idjit.
**[03:27] Chibi**
You guys are gonna pay off
your tab with your ransom.
**[03:32] Kara**
Y-You're kidding, right, Chibita?
**[03:35] Chibi**
I'm dead serious, you idjit!
**[03:37] Kara**
Y-You really think you're
gonna get away with—
**[03:40] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:41] Kara**
That's hot!
**[03:42] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:43] ---**
Hot!
**[03:43] ---**
Take that!
**[03:44] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:45] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:45] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:49] Kara**
That's good.
**[03:50] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:51] Kara**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[03:57] Oso**
So noisy... What time do you think it is?
**[04:00] Oso**
It's only ten in the morning.
**[04:03] Oso**
Yeah?
**[04:04] Chibi**
* Listen up. I kidnapped*
* your brother, Karamatsu.*
**[04:08] Chibi**
*If you want him back—*
**[04:09] Oso**
You've got the wrong number.
**[04:15] Oso**
I'm going back to bed.
**[04:19] Jyu**
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hi-yah!
**[04:23] Jyu**
Yes, this is Jyushimatsu.
**[04:25] Choro**
Who answers the phone like that?
**[04:26] Jyu**
What?! Karamatsu-niisan's...
**[04:29] Jyu**
A youkai?!
**[04:30] Jyu**
What does that mean?!
**[04:32] Choro**
What?
**[04:33] Jyu**
Apparently Karamatsu-niisan's
been turned into a youkai.
**[04:36] Choro**
Huh?
**[04:37] Chibi**
*That's "kidnapped (yuukai)," you idjit!*
**[04:39] Jyu**
One more time, please.
**[04:44] Jyu**
Roger that.
**[04:45] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan is gonna die from
an enema in the ocean, apparently.
**[04:48] Choro**
Why is he getting an enema in the ocean?
**[04:51] Choro**
And how would someone die
from an enema (kanchou)?
**[04:53] Chibi**
*High tide (manchou)!*
**[04:55] Choro**
Hand it over. Hello?
**[04:57] Choro**
Is it true that our brother turned into a youkai
and will die from an enema in the ocean?
**[05:02] Choro**
That's not right at all?
**[05:04] Choro**
Oh, thank goodness.
**[05:06] Choro**
Huh? Yes.
**[05:09] Choro**
What?!
**[05:09] Jyu**
Huh?
**[05:13] Choro**
We're in trouble! Karamatsu's been kidnapped!
**[05:16] Choro**
What should we do?!
**[05:17] Oso/Todo**
Oh, no. What to do?
**[05:18] Choro**
Come on! Be a little worried!
Why are you so relaxed?
**[05:21] Choro**
Our brother's life is in danger!
**[05:23] Choro**
If we don't do something,
Karamatsu might die!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no...
**[05:28] Choro**
Stop dancing, Ichimatsu. Don't celebrate
your brother's disappearance.
**[05:31] Oso**
Even if he was kidnapped,
we don't have any money.
**[05:34] Oso**
I'm sure there's a ransom, right?
**[05:36] Choro**
One million, he said.
**[05:37] Oso**
So expensive!
**[05:38] Todo**
One million to get Karamatsu-niisan back?
**[05:41] Ichi**
Who's Karamatsu?
**[05:42] Choro**
Are you all demons?
**[05:44] Choro**
That's not that expensive for a ransom!
**[05:46] Todo**
You pay it, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:48] Oso**
What? Why me?
**[05:50] Todo**
You won at the horse races
the other day, didn't you?
**[05:53] Todo**
Did you think I didn't know?
**[05:54] Oso**
How do you know that?
**[05:56] Todo**
What?! You really did win?
**[05:58] Oso**
Hey! You tricked me!
**[06:00] Todo**
Aren't I good? All the *horsing around* pays off!
**[06:04] Choro**
Hey! Stop trying to lighten the
mood with your stupid conversation
**[06:05] Oso**
"Horsing around!" Good one!
**[06:08] Choro**
and think of a way to get that money!
**[06:10] Oso**
Oh, by the way, Ichimatsu.
**[06:12] Ichi**
Huh?
**[06:12] Oso**
I lent you some money
the other day, didn't I?
**[06:15] Oso**
Use that to pay the ransom.
**[06:16] Ichi**
Huh? B-But I've got money out on
loan to Jyushimatsu right now.
**[06:21] Jyu**
I've got some out on loan to Todomatsu.
**[06:23] Todo**
And mine's out on loan to Karamatsu-niisan.
**[06:26] Oso**
Then we just need to have
Karamatsu pay the ransom.
**[06:29] Choro**
What the hell?! He's the
one who's been kidnapped!
**[06:32] Todo**
There's nothing we can do about the
money. Let's talk to Mom about it.
**[06:36] Choro**
Mom! Perfect timing!
**[06:38] Choro**
We were just—
**[06:38] Mom**
Hello, my NEETs.
**[06:40] Mom**
I peeled some pears for you.
**[06:42] All**
Wow, pears!
**[06:46] Mom**
Our neighbors gave them to us. Eat up!
**[06:49] All**
Yay!
**[06:52] One**
So good!
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
***SIGN*** Pub
**[07:19] Chibi**
O-Order whatever you'd like.
**[07:22] Chibi**
Th-The sashimi here is great!
**[07:26] Chibi**
Want to get a sashimi boat?
**[07:31] Chibi**
Y-You know, they probably thought it was
a prank, and not an actual kidnapping.
**[07:37] Chibi**
Th-That's probably why they
didn't come to save you...
**[07:40] Chibi**
Man, I totally messed up.
**[07:42] Chibi**
I'm really a lousy actor.
**[07:55] Chibi**
What do you want to do? Want to go home?
**[08:00] Chibi**
I guess you probably can't, huh?
**[08:02] Chibi**
It'd be awkward, huh?
**[08:05] Chibi**
But seriously, the sashimi's
good. Aren't you hungry?
**[08:12] Chibi**
Damn it! Say something, you idjit!
**[08:14] Chibi**
It's awkward for me, too!
**[08:16] Chibi**
How was I supposed to know that,
when I kidnapped you,
**[08:18] Chibi**
your family wouldn't care at all?
**[08:26] Chibi**
I'm sorry! Seriously, I'm so sorry!
**[08:29] Kara**
I lost to pears!
**[08:31] Chibi**
Don't let it get to you!
**[08:32] Chibi**
No one can win over the lure
of having pears at home!
**[08:36] Chibi**
Karamatsu, this just means
you've gotta get revenge.
**[08:39] Chibi**
We're gonna teach those idiots a lesson!
**[08:42] Chibi**
We'll show them just how lonely
it'd be if one of you from
**[08:45] Chibi**
the ultimate group of siblings
actually disappeared.
**[08:47] Kara**
Chibita...
**[08:56] Kara**
Hey! You didn't say anything about this!
**[08:58] Kara**
Chibita, stop! Let me down!
**[09:01] Kara**
Hey! Listen to me!
**[09:02] Chibi**
Hey, you stupid brothers!
**[09:04] Chibi**
Do you really not care what happens
to Karamatsu? He's gonna die!
**[09:08] Kara**
I'm gonna die!
**[09:10] Chibi**
If you really love him,
then come save him, you idjits!
**[09:14] Kara**
Are you stupid?! You idiot!
**[09:15] Kara**
Let me down, you shrimp!
**[09:16] Kara**
Baldy! Die, you dumbass!
**[09:19] Chibi**
Oh, look! There they are!
**[09:21] Chibi**
Now defeat me and come save him, damn it!
**[09:25] Chibi**
Come at me!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[09:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "ESP Kitty"
**[10:05] Jyu**
Beg your pardon! Beg your pardon!
**[10:08] Ichi**
In this day and age?
**[10:09] Jyu**
Beg your pardon!
**[10:11] Deka**
Hello. Who might you be?
**[10:13] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu. Hello, Professor Dekapan.
**[10:16] Deka**
Well, hello.
**[10:23] Ichi**
Hi.
**[10:24] Deka**
Hello.
**[10:26] Jyu**
Discussion! There's something
we'd like to discuss with you!
**[10:28] Deka**
Oh?
**[10:31] Deka**
A medicine that would let you speak to cats?
**[10:34] Jyu**
Yeah. You got one?
**[10:36] Deka**
Sadly, no...
**[10:38] Jyu**
I see.
**[10:42] Deka**
And why would you need something like that?
**[10:45] Jyu**
My brother here, Ichimatsu-niisan,
doesn't have any friends.
**[10:49] Ichi**
It's not that I don't have any.
I just don't make any.
**[10:52] Jyu**
So I thought it'd be nice if
he could talk to that cat.
**[10:56] Ichi**
Meddlesome idiot.
**[10:58] Ichi**
You can't even talk to
people properly yourself.
**[11:01] Jyu**
You're one to talk.
**[11:03] Deka**
Come to think of it, I've got just the thing!
**[11:06] Deka**
Hmm, this is karintou... Ah...
**[11:08] Jyu**
Did you find it, Professor?
**[11:10] Deka**
That's odd...
**[11:12] Deka**
I could've sworn it was around here...
**[11:13] Deka**
Oh, I remember now!
**[11:16] Deka**
This is it.
**[11:17] Both**
It reeks!
**[11:18] Deka**
It's called Feelings Medicine.
**[11:21] Jyu**
Feel-good medicine?
**[11:22] Deka**
Feelings Medicine!
Stop with the risqué phrasing.
**[11:25] Jyu**
What's it do?
**[11:26] Deka**
You'll be able to tell how the other person
is really feeling at the moment.
**[11:31] Deka**
You'll be able to understand
what that kitty's feeling, too.
**[11:34] Jyu**
Sounds good! You should get
some, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:38] Ichi**
And I told you to stop meddl—
Ack! What are you doing?!
**[11:42] Deka**
What is it?
**[11:44] Deka**
What do you want to do? I want
to know how you really feel.
**[11:48] Ichi**
I-It's no— Ack! I said don't!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[11:56] Ichi**
M-Maybe I do wanna know...
**[12:00] Ichi**
What he's really feeling.
**[12:03] Deka**
All right, then. Stick out your bum.
**[12:05] Ichi**
Huh? Why my ass?
**[12:06] Deka**
Well, because this medicine...
**[12:09] Deka**
is administered via injection.
**[12:15] Ichi**
Let go of me! I'm going
to kill you, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:17] Jyu**
I've never heard you yell
so loud, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:21] Ichi**
You're scaring me! How can
you sound so unconcerned?!
**[12:24] Deka**
All right, here we go.
**[12:25] Ichi**
I can't do this!
**[12:26] Deka**
Come on, now. You're an adult.
**[12:28] Ich**
That's got nothing to do with this!
Shots are hell, no matter how old you are!
**[12:30] Deka**
This will hurt, so relax your muscles.
**[12:32] Ichi**
No!
**[12:42] Deka**
Oh, my.
**[12:44] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:48] All**
What?!
**[12:49] All**
A cat that can understand human feelings?!
**[12:53] Todo**
So he can tell if you're lying?
**[12:55] Dekka**
That is correct.
**[12:56] Dekka**
No matter how much you try to cover
it up, it's futile in the face of this kitty.
**[13:01] Deka**
Also, it seems like there was a side effect,
so he can now speak human language.
**[13:06] Oso**
What? He can speak?!
**[13:07] Deka**
Try it out.
**[13:09] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[13:10] Oso**
Me?
**[13:15] Oso**
Choromatsu is stylish.
**[13:18] Cat**
Choromatsu is super lame.
**[13:20] Oso**
That's amazing! He saw right through me!
**[13:22] Choro**
Forget him seeing right through you!
Is that what you really think?!
**[13:25] Todo**
Choromatsu is funny.
**[13:27] Cat**
Choromatsu is super boring.
**[13:28] Choro**
Hey...
**[13:29] Oso**
Choromatsu is smart.
**[13:31] Cat**
Choromatsu is super dumb.
**[13:32] Todo**
Choromatsu is popular.
**[13:34] Cat**
Choromatsu is a stupid virgin.
**[13:36] Todo**
That's awesome! Perfect!
**[13:39] Choro**
Bullying? Is this bullying?
**[13:41] Oso**
You're incredible!
**[13:43] Oso**
You're an ESP kitty!
**[13:46] Todo**
But I'm worried...
**[13:49] Todo**
Someone could use him for evil.
**[13:50] Todo**
Let's keep him here.
**[13:52] Cat**
This cat's gonna be worth some money.
**[13:54] Todo**
Th-There'd be trouble if the
press found out about him.
**[13:57] Cat**
There's always the circus.
**[13:59] Todo**
We have to take good care of
Ichimatsu-niisan's good friend.
**[14:02] Cat**
Get rich quick!
**[14:04] Choro**
You dried-up monster... Everything
you thought just came out.
**[14:08] Oso**
So I guess no one can lie in front of him.
**[14:12] Oso**
I've got a great idea!
**[14:14] Oso**
Let's take this cat to Totoko-chan.
**[14:16] Choro**
Why?
**[14:18] Oso**
We'll ask her which of us she likes the most.
**[14:20] Oso**
And then...
**[14:22] Choro**
We'll be able to find out
how she really feels!
**[14:24] Todo**
Good idea!
**[14:27] Oso**
Actually, let's not.
**[14:28] Choro**
Yeah, let's not.
**[14:30] Todo**
She might have someone else she likes...
**[14:31] Oso**
That was close...
**[14:33] Choro**
We would've crashed and burned.
**[14:34] Todo**
That vagueness will keep us sane.
**[14:38] Jyu**
Hey.
**[14:39] Jyu**
Why don't you talk to him?
**[14:44] Ichi**
I'll pass.
**[14:45] Jyu**
Why? It's fun.
**[14:47] Ichi**
No thanks. I'm not interested.
**[14:50] Jyu**
Here.
**[14:50] Ichi**
Hey! Stop meddling—
**[14:55] Oso**
He's being as cold as ever. I thought
at least the cat was his friend.
**[15:00] Todo**
Nah, Ichimatsu-niisan doesn't
know what friendship is.
**[15:05] Ichi**
Well, yeah. You don't need that to live.
**[15:09] Ichi**
I honestly don't know how you guys
adjust to others the way you do.
**[15:12] Ichi**
Friends? Comrades?
**[15:15] Ichi**
I'll never need either of those.
**[15:18] Cat**
I don't really feel that way, though.
**[15:22] Choro**
Huh? Who just said that?
**[15:26] Todo**
The cat.
**[15:27] Choro**
Which means that what Ichimatsu
just said is how he really feels...
**[15:32] Oso**
What? This cat can see how
people really feel, you know.
**[15:36] Oso**
You act like a loner, but you
actually want friends, don't you?
**[15:39] Ichi**
Th-That's not true... I don't want any.
**[15:42] Cat**
I do.
**[15:44] Ichi**
I told you I don't!
**[15:47] Ichi**
Why should I go through the effort
to have something like that?
**[15:51] Cat**
Why can't I make any friends?
**[15:56] Ichi**
W-Well, no one's really worth it.
**[16:00] Cat**
Well, actually, I'm not really worth that.
**[16:04] Ichi**
It's useless to try to get closer to others.
**[16:08] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to others.
**[16:12] Ichi**
It's a waste of effort.
**[16:13] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[16:15] Ichi**
Those guys would all betray me
without a second thought.
**[16:18] Cat**
I might not be able to live
up to their expectations.
**[16:20] Ichi**
Actually, who ever heard of
having a cat as a friend?
**[16:24] Cat**
Actually, it's easier to have a cat as a friend.
**[16:26] Ichi**
They don't understand what you say.
**[16:28] Cat**
That's why I won't get hurt.
**[16:29] Ichi**
Ugh, this is stupid!
**[16:31] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[16:32] Ichi**
I really don't need any friends!
**[16:34] Cat**
I really don't need any friends...
**[16:37] Cat**
Because I have all of you guys.
**[16:43] Ichi**
Shut up! You think you can
act like you know me?!
**[16:46] Choro**
No, Ichimatsu. The cat's just
saying how you really feel...
**[16:50] Ichi**
You're annoying me! Get lost!
**[16:54] Cat**
You're annoying me. Get lost.
**[17:02] Choro**
Ichimatsu... You...
**[17:13] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[17:15] Iyami**
You should all believe in me and vote for me!
***SIGN*** The Con Party Iyami
**[17:19] Iyami**
If I'm elected, all of your problems will be solved.
**[17:22] Cat**
Actually, I just want to use my title
and money to have babes fawn over me.
**[17:27] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:30] Iyamim**
Welcome!
**[17:32] Iyami**
Our products are good for you, good for
the environment, and completely organic.
**[17:38] Cat**
Though I have no idea what "organic" means.
**[17:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:44] Iyami**
I-I love you...
**[17:46] Cat**
At least until you let me do you.
**[17:47] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:51] Cat**
This would look perfect on you.
**[17:54] Cat**
You guys have no future.
**[17:57] Cat**
I'm amazed you actually believe me.
**[18:00] Iyami**
You keep blabbing unnecessary things!
**[18:03] Iyami**
Come back here!
**[18:16] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to people.
**[18:19] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[18:21] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[18:25] Ichi**
Pain in the ass.
**[19:08] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:10] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:11] Choro**
Stop that, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[19:14] Oso**
Can't find him anywhere.
Maybe he ran off somewhere far away,
**[19:18] Oso**
because someone said something
really mean to him.
**[19:21] Choro**
Hey.
**[19:26] Todo**
Should we let Chibita know, too?
You never know where he'll turn up.
**[19:31] Oso**
What do you want to do, Ichimatsu?
**[19:34] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[19:35] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan...
**[19:37] Ichi**
It's not like I was his owner.
**[19:40] Ichi**
It doesn't matter if he dies.
**[19:41] Choro**
Now, look...
**[19:44] Oso**
If you say you don't care, we won't look for him.
**[19:48] Oso**
Are you sure that's what you want?
**[19:50] Ichi**
Yeah...
**[19:51] Oso**
Okay. Let's go home, then.
**[19:58] Oso**
Hey, we're going home.
**[20:08] Oso**
Oh?
**[20:26] Ichi**
What? What the heck?!
**[20:34] Cat**
I'm sorry.
**[20:46] Ichi**
I'm sorry, too.
**[20:50] Cat**
I'm sorry, too.
**[21:07] Oso**
What the heck? Where were you?
**[21:10] Oso**
And why are you so dirty? Whoa, you stink!
**[21:13] Oso**
You smell like an old guy's behind!
**[21:14] Choro**
Uh, I can't say I've ever
smelled an old guy's behind.
**[21:18] Todo**
Man, I didn't know what we were
going to do when you disappeared.
**[21:21] Todo**
Thank goodness you came back.
**[21:23] Oso**
Nice job, Jyushimatsu!
We'll treat you to a public bath...
**[21:25] Oso**
Choromatsu will, that is.
**[21:27] Choro**
Why me?!
**[21:32] Todo**
Huh? Are you crying, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[21:34] Ichi**
I'm not.
**[21:35] Todo**
Are you actually crying?!
**[21:36] Ichi**
There's no way I'd cry.
**[21:45] Kara**
They're treating him completely differently!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:22] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[23:24] Iyami**
To all of you who thought it was Todomatsu's
turn to do this week's preview...
**[23:29] Iyami**
Well done. You can go take
a dump and go to bed now.
**[23:32] Iyami**
You've got hair coming out of your
nose. You stink behind the ears.
**[23:36] Iyami**
And... next week is what
you've all been waiting for!
**[23:39] Iyami**
It's an episode all about me!
**[23:41] Iyami**
I'm sure you all have nothing
better to do, so check it out!
***SIGN*** "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo" "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[23:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
# E6 - It's a Birthday Party, Dajo / Iyami's Great Discovery
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYNQX3N9Y/its-a-birthday-party-dajo--iyamis-great-discovery)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:00] Oso**
I...
**[00:02] Kara**
I...
**[00:03] Jyu**
I...
**[00:04] Jyu**
I...
**[00:05] Four**
I...
**[00:06] Four**
...am so bored.
***SIGN*** "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo"
**[00:18] Mom**
Hello, my NEETs. There's a letter for you.
**[00:21] Choro**
Letter?
**[00:22] Choro**
Damn, the handwriting is terrible.
**[00:24] Choro**
What does this even say?
**[00:25] Jyu**
Oh, it's from Hatabou.
**[00:27] Choro**
You can read this, Jyushimatsu?
**[00:29] Jyu**
No, but it smells like Hatabou.
**[00:32] Choro**
"I'm... having a... birthday... party, jo."
**[00:41] Oso**
A birthday party? Hatabou's?
**[00:44] Choro**
Sounds like it. Wanna go?
**[00:46] Kara**
There's no need.
**[00:48] Kara**
Because every day in this world...
**[00:51] Kara**
is someone's birthday.
**[00:52] Todo**
By the way, where's Hatabou
living right now, anyway?
**[00:57] Todo**
In the attic?
**[00:58] Todo**
Under the floor?
**[00:59] Todo**
The sewer?
**[01:00] Choro**
Uh, he's not a rat.
**[01:03] Choro**
But his private life has
always been a mystery.
**[01:06] Ichi**
He's an adult by now too, though...
**[01:20] Six**
Wh-What?
**[01:22] Six**
What?!
**[01:24] Choro**
Why does it look like he's
living like a billionaire?!
**[01:26] Choro**
What the hell *is* Hatabou now?!
**[01:28] Oso**
A celebrity? A legend?
**[01:31] Oso**
A living national treasure?
**[01:32] Ichi**
Crap... It's the hellish pattern
where the guy we ignored as kids
**[01:36] Ichi**
makes it big as an adult,
**[01:38] Ichi**
and now the roles have reversed and
he's out to get his revenge on us...
**[01:42] Todo**
Quit with the suspenseful
delusions, Darkmatsu-niisan.
**[01:45] Old**
Oh, my...
**[01:47] Old**
I sincerely apologize for
keeping you all waiting.
**[01:52] Six**
*What?!*
**[01:53] Six**
* They all have flags stuck in*
* their heads? What the hell?*
**[01:56] Old**
My good fellows, how are
your flags doing today?
**[02:01] Choro**
Huh? Uh... We don't have flags.
**[02:07] Old**
You don't have flags?!
Oh, you must be joking!
**[02:10] Three**
Flag, flag, flag, flag...
**[02:11] Choro**
*What the hell is with that laugh?!*
**[02:13] Choro**
*It's super creepy!*
**[02:15] Old**
Pardon. We would like to thank you for
attending Mr. Flag's birthday party today,
**[02:20] Old**
from the bottom of our hearts.
**[02:22] Choro**
* Who the hell is Mr. Flag?*
* Does he mean Hatabou?*
**[02:25] Old**
I'm sure that Mr. Flag is simply flagging
with excitement to see you all again.
**[02:33] Guy**
He has indeed gone flag-out with this party.
**[02:36] Lady**
Please let your inner flags fly.
**[02:39] Choro**
* I have no idea what they're saying!*
* What the hell is an inner flag?!*
**[02:42] Kara**
All right. However...
**[02:45] Kara**
You better not flag on our parade.
**[02:47] Old**
Please wait here for a bit longer.
**[02:49] Jyu**
U-Um...
**[02:52] Jyu**
Where's the bathroom?
**[02:53] Old**
My dear Ichimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the wa—
**[02:56] Jyu**
Oh, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[02:59] Old**
I-I'm terribly sorr—
**[03:03] Six**
What?!
**[03:07] Guy**
How dare you mistake the names of Mr. Flag's
friends? You shall pay with your death.
**[03:12] Lady**
Vermin.
**[03:16] Guy**
Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the way.
**[03:19] Kara**
Oh, I'm Karamatsu.
**[03:23] Six**
What?!
**[03:26] Ady**
Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the way.
**[03:30] Jyu**
No... I don't need to go anymore.
**[03:35] Six**
Why?!
**[03:44] Guy**
What? The Master's friends have disappeared?
**[03:46] Guy**
Find them at once!
***SIGN*** Boss
**[03:51] Oso**
Creepy! This is super creepy!
**[03:53] Choro**
What's going on with Hatabou?
**[03:55] Choro**
What happened to him?!
**[03:56] Todo**
We can think about that later!
**[03:58] Todo**
For now, let's just run!
**[04:00] Hata**
Huh?
**[04:02] Hata**
What's the matter, jo?
**[04:04] All**
Hatabou!
**[04:07] Hata**
Yay, jo!
**[04:09] Hata**
Everyone came, jo! I'm so happy, jo!
**[04:13] Oso**
Oh... It looks like Hatabou
himself hasn't changed at all.
**[04:13] Hata**
So happy, jo! So happy, jo! So happy,jo!
**[04:16] Todo**
Man, I'm exhausted.
**[04:19] Choro**
But seriously, Hatabou...
How did you get this rich?
**[04:24] Hata**
Uh...
**[04:26] Hata**
I dunno, jo.
**[04:27] Choro**
Er, you don't know?
**[04:29] Guy**
Mr. Flag, you have a call from the president.
**[04:33] Choro**
President?
**[04:35] Obama**
*Hi, Mr. Flag.*
**[04:36] Choro**
Obama?!
**[04:37] Obama**
* We are facing a serious economic*
* crisis. Do you have any advice?*
**[04:42] Choro**
Wait, Hatabou understands English?!
**[04:44] Hata**
Jo!
**[04:46] Hata**
American hot dogs, jo!
**[04:51] Obama**
*American... hot dogs...*
**[04:54] Obama**
*Oh, fantastic!*
**[04:55] Obama**
*Amazing! Genius!*
**[04:58] Guy**
A consulting fee of 500 million has been
transferred to your account, sir.
**[05:02] Hata**
Yay, more money, jo!
**[05:04] Choro**
Wait, Hatabou got rich doing *this*?!
**[05:06] Choro**
What is your job?!
**[05:09] Hata**
Selling information.
**[05:11] Choro**
Uh, all you said was "American hot dogs."
***SIGN*** Mr. Flag's Birthday
***SIGN*** Mr. Flag
**[05:20] Hata**
I'm so happy, jo.
**[05:36] Hata**
Jo!
**[05:44] Person**
Hello, I'm Tachi Hiroo.
**[05:57] Oso**
Seriously, what the hell?!
**[05:58] Oso**
I have no idea what's going on!
**[06:00] Kara**
Why pole dancers?
**[06:02] Choro**
Why horseback archery?
**[06:03] Ichi**
When did he become friends with Tachi?
**[06:05] Todo**
And there wasn't a single event involving flags...
**[06:08] Hata**
That was so much fun, jo!
**[06:09] Six**
Hatabou!
**[06:10] Hata**
Today was the best day ever because
I got to see you all again, jo.
**[06:15] Choro**
Hatabou, um, we're gonna head home, okay?
**[06:20] Hata**
Aw, I'll miss you... But come over
whenever you want, jo.
**[06:24] Choro**
Uh, I'm not sure about that...
**[06:27] Oso**
Do you have a sec?
**[06:29] Oso**
Hey, I have something I want to ask you.
**[06:31] Hata**
What is it, jo?
**[06:33] Oso**
It doesn't have to be much...
But could you give me some money?
**[06:37] Hata**
Money?
**[06:38] Hata**
Sure.
**[06:39] Oso**
Really?!
**[06:40] Choro**
Hey!
**[06:41] Choro**
What were you just talking about?
**[06:45] Choro**
Jyushimatsu. Octopus hold.
**[06:47] Oso**
W-Wait a minute!
**[06:50] Choro**
Pay attention to the conversation!
**[06:51] Jyu**
Huh?
**[06:53] Todo**
But seriously, Osomatsu-niisan,
I couldn't believe my ears.
**[06:57] Todo**
How do you come up with such ingenious ideas?
**[07:00] Choro**
You're complimenting him?!
**[07:05] Hata**
You can have as much as you'd like, jo!
**[07:07] Six**
What?!
**[07:08] Hata**
How much do you want?
**[07:09] Hata**
A hundred million? A billion?
**[07:11] Oso**
U-Uh, then... About a million?
**[07:15] Hata**
You don't need to hold back, jo.
**[07:22] Choro**
That's enough!
**[07:26] Horo**
Seriously, guys, stop this!
**[07:27] Choro**
You too, Hatabou! You can't
just randomly give out money!
**[07:31] Choro**
That's not what friendship is!
**[07:33] Hata**
I-I'm sorry, jo...
**[07:36] Oso**
Hey, how dare you say that to Cashcowbou?
**[07:39] Choro**
His name isn't Cashcowbou!
**[07:40] Oso**
He said we could take it!
**[07:42] Choro**
No!
**[07:43] Oso**
Why?
**[07:44] Choro**
No means no!
**[07:46] Oso**
Then you can be the only one to take nothing!
**[07:48] Choro**
That's not the issue here!
**[07:57] Hata**
Stop fighting, jo! Let's all get along, jo!
**[08:01] Oso**
Hatabou...
**[08:04] Todo**
Hey, I have a good idea.
**[08:07] Todo**
Say, Hatabou. We're actually unemployed
right now, so could you give us jobs?
**[08:13] Todo**
We'll all work at your place,
and then you can pay us.
**[08:17] Hata**
Jo! Sure, jo!
**[08:20] Hata**
You'll be my employees, jo!
We'll all be friends, jo!
**[08:25] Kara**
So we're gonna have to work here...
I guess we had to raise the white flag.
**[08:31] Guy**
We here at Flag Corporation do
not have tests or interviews.
**[08:36] Guy**
There is only one requirement to be hired...
**[08:39] Guy**
That is the flag.
**[08:42] Hata**
Here we go, jo.
**[08:43] Todo**
Whoa! Wait a second!
**[08:46] Hata**
Jo?
**[08:47] Todo**
You're gonna jab those in?
**[08:48] Hata**
Yup, jo.
**[08:49] Todo**
Into our heads?
**[08:50] Hata**
What's the matter, jo?
**[08:53] Hata**
You're my friends, jo...
**[08:55] Oso**
Listen... It would kinda hurt to have
those jabbed into our heads, so...
**[08:59] Oso**
How about our asses?
**[09:00] Oso**
I think we could handle that thickness...
**[09:05] Hata**
Sure, jo.
**[09:08] Choro**
If this will get us a job...
**[09:10] Ichi**
If it's only that thick...
**[09:12] Oso**
It's not a problem.
**[09:13] Hata**
All right, let's bring out the ass-sized flags, jo.
**[09:16] ---**
Ass-sized?
**[09:20] Guy**
Here are your ass-sized flags, sir.
**[09:26] Six**
Huh?
**[09:27] Hata**
Now we're really friends, jo!
**[09:29] Oso**
Um, actually...
**[09:36] Jyu**
Wahoo!
**[09:39] Six**
A pleasure working with you, Mr. Flag!
***SIGN*** "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[09:45] Son**
Hey, Dad.
**[09:48] Son**
I want to be able to throw the ball faster!
**[09:52] Dad**
All right. Then we'll have to practice every day.
**[09:56] Son**
Yeah!
**[10:05] Nar**
*His name is Iyami.*
**[10:07] Nar**
* He has no permanent address,*
* and is unemployed after losing his job.*
**[10:11] Iyami**
This is strange. Why is me living like
this when I just came back from France?
**[10:16] Nar**
* He says this rather often, but has*
* never actually been to France.*
**[10:23] Ann**
* And they're entering the*
* final corner neck-and-neck!*
**[10:26] Iyami**
Go, Deep Implant!
**[10:28] Oso**
Don't lose, Mejiro MatsuQueen!
**[10:30] Ann**
* Uh-oh! Looks like Deep*
* Implant has taken the lead!*
**[10:33] Ann**
* He's moving at tremendous speed!*
* He's at least twenty lengths ahead!*
**[10:38] Iyami**
Me is going to win!
**[10:43] Ann**
* Oh, no! He was going so fast,*
* he exceeded time and space!*
**[10:47] Ann**
*He didn't cross the finish line!*
**[10:48] Ann**
* You never know what will happen*
* until the very end at the races!*
**[10:50] Ann**
*Talk about scary!*
**[10:52] Ann**
*And so the winner is Mejiro MatsuQueen!*
**[10:54] Oso**
All right!
**[10:56] Oso**
Iyami, you're not supposed to pick a
horse that exceeds time and space.
**[11:02] Ann**
*And they're approaching the goal neck-and-neck!*
**[11:05] Iyami**
You better win this time,
Front Teeth Top Gun!
**[11:07] Oso**
Don't lose, Matsuda Brian!
**[11:10] Ann**
*And Front Teeth Top Gun takes the lead!*
**[11:13] Ann**
*He's moving at tremendous speed,*
**[11:14] Ann**
* and doesn't look like he'll*
* exceed time and space!*
**[11:18] Iyami**
Me is finally going to win!
**[11:21] Ann**
*Oh, no!*
**[11:22] Ann**
* The horse exploded and*
* didn't cross the finish line!*
**[11:24] Ann**
*This is what makes the races so scary!*
***SIGN*** Results
**[11:26] Ann**
*Matsuda Brian is the winner!*
**[11:28] Oso**
All right!
**[11:30] Oso**
Come on, Iyami. You can't
pick exploding horses.
**[11:33] Iyami**
Exploding horses?
**[11:36] Ann**
*And they're going into (etc.)!*
**[11:38] Iyamim**
This is our last chance, Oguri Overbite!
**[11:41] Oso**
I'm starting to feel really bad for him, so win!
**[11:44] Ann**
*And Oguri Overbite takes the lead!*
**[11:45] Both**
Yes!
**[11:46] Ann**
*He's fast! So fast! Will he make it?!*
**[11:48] Ann**
*Is nothing going to happen?!*
**[11:50] Ann**
*Look at that! He's crossed the finish line!*
**[11:52] Ann**
* The winner is Oguri Overbite!*
* Congratulations, Iyami-kun!*
**[11:56] Iyami**
Yay!
**[11:58] Iyami**
Now I'm one step closer to France!
**[12:02] An**
* Er, one moment, please.*
* Looks like the judges are deliberating.*
***SIGN*** Deliberation
**[12:08] Ann**
* So, concerning this last race and*
* Oguri Overbite, the first to finish...*
**[12:12] Ann**
*As he is a centaur, he will be disqualified.*
**[12:14] Ann**
* Would you look at that! This is*
* what real horse racing is, folks!*
**[12:19] Oso**
Iyami... Here, have some stew and cheer u—
**[12:24] Oso**
Hot!
**[12:25] Oso**
What was that for?
**[12:26] Iyami**
Instead of giving me that,
give me your betting ticket!
**[12:30] Oso**
Whoa! Hey! Stop that!
**[12:32] Iyami**
Give it to me, you stupid stewhead!
**[12:33] Oso**
Stupid stewhead?!
**[12:34] Oso**
You can make fun of me all you want,
but don't you dare insult the stew!
**[12:37] Hata**
I'm back, jo.
**[12:39] Oso**
Huh? Hatabou, why are you dressed like that?
**[12:42] Hata**
I was told to do the hundred-times
shrine pilgrimage
**[12:44] Hata**
so Iyami would win at the races, jo.
**[12:47] Oso**
What the hell did you make Mr. Flag do?
**[12:50] Iyami**
You worthless piece of crap! Not only
was me not blessed, but now me is broke!
**[12:54] Oso**
Stop that!
**[12:56] Iyami**
Don't take the alcohol!
**[12:59] Iyami**
Me was saving that last little bit!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka City Hall
***SIGN*** General Affairs
**[13:06] Guy**
What brings you here today?
**[13:08] Iyami**
You should make us this
city's image characters.
**[13:11] Guy**
Huh?
**[13:12] Iyami**
You can hire us right now for a mere one million.
**[13:15] Iyam**
Lucky you.
**[13:16] Guy**
Uh, who are you?
**[13:18] Iyami**
A-Are you saying you don't know me?
**[13:20] Guy**
Not at all.
**[13:22] Iyami**
You clearly don't know anything.
**[13:25] Iyami**
Consider yourself lucky. Dayon, do the thing.
**[13:30] Dayon**
Dayon!
**[13:35] Iyami**
And now, the perfect gag to do when
you've been surprised like this...
**[13:39] Iyami**
Yes!
**[13:40] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[13:43] Iyami**
This gag has been mimicked by
Ou, Nagashima, the Beatles,
**[13:45] Iyami**
Godzilla, and even Tanaka Kunie!
It's renowned nationwide!
**[13:54] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:11] Dayon**
Yuck! Iyami, your sock smells gross!
**[14:12] Dayon**
That reeks!
**[14:17] Guy**
What kind of image do you
want our city to have?!
**[14:23] Iyami**
M-Me is so hungry... Me feels sick...
**[14:33] Chibi**
Whoops. What a waste, idjit, damn it!
**[14:37] Chii**
You want it?
**[14:39] Chibi**
Oh, fine. It's yours, damn it.
**[14:41] Iyami**
Hold it!
**[14:44] Chibi**
Iyami?
**[14:48] Chibi**
Hey, cut it out. It's just an
egg that fell on the ground.
**[14:51] Iyami**
It's mine!
**[14:57] Chibi**
What the hell is this battle?
**[14:58] Chibi**
Well, I guess the oden I make is just that good.
**[15:07] Chibi**
Guess I don't have a choice.
I'll make you a new ba—
**[15:11] Chibi**
What?!
**[15:16] Iyami**
Me wins!
**[15:19] Iyami**
Down the hatch!
**[15:31] Chibi**
That's a rock!
**[15:35] Iyami**
My tooth... My tooth... My tooth!
**[15:41] Iyami**
Wh-What did me...
**[15:46] Chibi**
A man who's lost his pride is done for.
**[16:02] Deka**
No need to worry. I'll stick it right back on.
***SIGN*** Hope
**[16:06] Iyami**
Me has nothing left... No house, money, luck...
**[16:11] Iyami**
Me is finished.
**[16:15] Deka**
Th-This is...
**[16:21] Deka**
There's no doubt about it...
**[16:23] Deka**
Iyami's tooth... is a rare metal!
**[16:27] Iyami**
Rare metal...
**[16:30] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:32] Iyami**
Me still had my teeth!
**[16:35] Guy**
Professor, you've discovered a new
rare metal. How much is it worth?
**[16:39] Deka**
I'd say about ten billion.
**[16:42] Deka**
Because this is both lithium and vanadium,
**[16:45] Deka**
and it has all the elements that
make it a perfect rare metal.
**[16:50] Deka**
It can be used for LEDs,
**[16:53] Deka**
IPS cells...
**[16:55] Deka**
and even Chinese herbal medicine.
**[16:57] Deka**
That is the rare metal that Iyami
produced, which we have named...
**[17:01] Deka**
Iyametal.
***SIGN*** Iyametal
**[17:06] Guy**
Hey, you've gotten a little faster.
**[17:08] Son**
Really?!
**[17:09] Guy**
You've got talent, Takashi.
**[17:11] Son**
Really?!
**[17:14] Guy**
Iyami-san!
**[17:14] Guy**
Look this way, Iyami-san!
**[17:17] Iyami**
If you want to see my Iyametal,
it'll cost you 300 yen each.
**[17:22] Guy**
Huh? But we can already see it.
**[17:24] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Discovery of the Century!!
***SIGN*** Iyametal Will Change the World
***SIGN*** Shocking Iyametal
**[17:30] [Messenger] Grey**
Iyametal Phones Get Great Reception!
**[17:34] [Messenger] Red**
Iyametal Drivers!!! The Balls Fly Far!!!
**[17:38] [Messenger] Yellow**
Iyametal Energy Drink!!! Live a Longer Life!
**[17:41] Tetsu**
Hello, everyone. Today's guest is the
currently very popular Iyami-san.
**[17:46] Tetsu**
May I touch your teeth?
**[17:50] Tetsu**
I don't really get it.
**[17:51] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:52] Tetsu**
I see.
***SIGN*** Look at Me
***SIGN*** Iyami
***SIGN*** I Love You
***SIGN*** I Love You
***SIGN*** Those who buy 10 CDs may participate in the teeth-and-greet.
**[17:57] Iyami**
Me has gone beyond my old status.
***SIGN*** Best Sheanist
**[18:03] Guy**
Iyami-sama, we have bought
up all of the boxed sake.
**[18:06] Iyami**
And don't forget the stew.
**[18:08] Guy**
As you wish.
**[18:10] Oso**
Wow, Iyami. Hey, give me some of your stew.
**[18:14] Iya**
Call me Iyami-sama, and speak
properly when addressing me.
**[18:17] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:18] Chibi**
Iyami, buy up my oden, too.
**[18:20] Iyami**
Oden? That sounds terrible.
**[18:23] Chibi**
What'd you just say, damn it?!
**[18:24] Dayon**
You should put me on TV as your friend.
**[18:27] Iyami**
You're not my friend, so nope.
**[18:29] Dayon**
You're so mean!
**[18:34] Iyami**
I've got my eyes on the world now!
**[18:41] Guy**
Iyami-sama.
**[18:42] Iyami**
Me is eating right now.
**[18:44] Guy**
You have a message from
the President of France.
**[18:47] Iyami**
President of France?
**[18:48] Guy**
He says if you provide France with Iyametal,
he'll grant you permanent residence.
**[18:54] Iyami**
Eh? What?!
**[18:57] Guy**
What would you like to do?
**[18:58] Iyami**
O-Of course that's okay!
**[19:00] Guy**
Very well. I shall tell the President that
you will be heading to France tomorrow.
**[19:04] Iyami**
*Th-The time has finally come.*
**[19:07] Iyami**
* It's been so long... I've used*
* up so much of my teeth...*
**[19:12] Iyami**
*I only have one left.*
**[19:14] Iyami**
But as long as I have this, I can go
to France... No, I can live there!
**[19:19] Son**
Here I go, Dad!
**[19:21] Dad**
All right. Show me what all
that practice has done for you.
**[19:58] Iyai**
Feeeh!
**[20:00] Iyami**
My chance to live in France forever!
**[20:03] Iymi**
M-Me has to hide this!
**[20:07] Iymi**
This'll never work!
**[20:10] Iyami**
This won't work, either!
**[20:13] Iyami**
Not this, either!
***SIGN*** Charles de Gaulle Airport
**[20:32] Prez**
Monsieur Iyami.
**[20:36] Prez**
Please show me your teeth. Je t'aime.
**[20:40] Iyami**
Er, well... Me sort of has a cold...
**[20:42] Rez**
Je t'aime!
**[20:45] Guy**
Hey, that's not Iyametal!
They're just wooden blocks!
**[20:53] Prez**
Je t'aime!
**[20:58] Iyami**
President! Th-There's a reason for this...
**[21:04] Iyami**
Feeeh!
***SIGN*** Iyametal Supplies Depleted
***SIGN*** Mankind's Dreams Vanish
***SIGN*** Con Artist Iyami
**[21:17] Oso**
Iyami.
**[21:20] Hata**
Iyami, I went on another hundred-time
shrine pilgrimage for you, jo.
**[21:24] Hata**
So something good should happen, jo.
**[21:27] Iyami**
Shut up!
**[21:28] Oso**
Hey, that wasn't necessary!
**[21:32] Iyami**
That hurt! How dare you do that to me
when me just came back from France...
**[21:37] Iyami**
M-My teeth grew back! Me has teeth!
**[21:40] Oso**
Oh, I get it!
**[21:42] Oso**
Your teeth grow out when you're hit on the head.
**[21:44] Oso**
Basically it's like a carpenter's plane.
**[21:47] Iyami**
Sheeeh! I had no idea!
**[21:51] Oso**
Well, let's go.
**[21:53] Iyami**
Huh?
**[21:55] Oso**
Come on.
**[22:04] Oso**
Now we can sell all we want, Mr. Flag.
**[22:07] Hata**
I'll make even more money, jo!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu and the Five Demons" "Going North"
**[23:45] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:46] Todo**
This is what you can expect
from the next "Osomatsu-san."
# E7 - Todomatsu and the Five Demons / Four / Going North
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6MGP3746/todomatsu-and-the-five-demons--four--going-north)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[00:05] Aida**
Welcome!
**[00:07] Todo**
Out of 1,068 yen,
**[00:12] Todo**
your change is 300 yen. Thank you very much.
**[00:15] Todo**
Please wait underneath the
red matsu on the right.
**[00:19] Todo**
Thank you for waiting.
I'll be happy to take your order.
**[00:23] Person**
Uh, could I get this?
**[00:31] Todo**
Thank you very much.
**[00:35] Aida**
It finally calmed down.
**[00:37] Aida**
Are you getting used to working here?
**[00:39] Todo**
Yeah, gradually.
**[00:41] Aida**
I see.
**[00:42] Sachi**
Oh, yeah. Are you free next Sunday?
**[00:47] Todo**
* I-It finally happened! They're asking*
* me about my weekend plans!*
**[00:51] Todo**
S-Sunday? Why do you ask?
**[00:54] Sachi**
There's going to be a mixer,
but there aren't enough guys going.
**[00:59] Sachi**
Do you think you could come?
**[01:02] Sachi**
A-Are you okay?
**[01:03] Todo**
Yeah.
**[01:05] Todo**
*B-B—*
**[01:06] Todo**
*Bingo!*
**[01:10] Aida**
There's just gotta be someone who'll come.
**[01:12] Todo**
Oh, I don't mind going.
**[01:14] Aida**
Huh?
**[01:16] Aida**
But last week you said you
were busy with a report.
**[01:20] Todo**
That's already done, so it's fine.
**[01:22] Aida**
Really? Then you'll come?
**[01:27] Todo**
Well, if I feel like it.
**[01:30] Todo**
I'm going on my break.
**[01:36] Todo**
*All right!*
**[01:38] Todo**
*Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!*
**[01:41] Todo**
*I did it! I finally made it this far!*
**[01:44] Todo**
* After grueling weeks since*
* starting this part-time job,*
**[01:47] Todo**
* I've finally reached the status of being*
* asked to a mixer by my girl co-workers!*
**[01:52] Todo**
* I'm no longer a NEET, or at the*
* very bottom of the caste system*
***SIGN*** IRL Ideal
**[01:54] Todo**
*compared to rest of my generation!*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
**[01:56] Todo**
*I've gone up one rank as a human!*
**[02:02] Manager**
Matsuno-kun?
**[02:04] Todo**
*At that moment, that's what I really thought.*
**[02:09] Todo**
*I'm such a fool.*
**[02:10] Todo**
*I was so happy that I forgot about my fate.*
**[02:18] Todo**
*The shackles of Hell*
**[02:22] Todo**
*that I can never escape from...*
**[02:28] Todo**
*The existence of these demons.*
**[02:32] Oso**
Well, wouldya lookie here.
**[02:34] Oso**
I think dis here is one o' dem
high-class establishments.
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[04:10] Todo**
Please! Go home!
**[04:12] Choro**
Er, what's the problem? I don't
have a clue what's going on here.
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[04:17] Choro**
Wait, you're working here, Todomatsu?
**[04:20] Todo**
It doesn't matter, just go home! Please go home!
**[04:22] Choro**
Hey, stop! What's gotten into you?!
**[04:24] Todo**
Please!
**[04:25] Oso**
What? We're not allowed to go in?
**[04:28] Todo**
No.
**[04:29] Oso**
Why?
**[04:33] Todo**
Fine. I'll tell you the truth.
**[04:38] Todo**
I'm embarrassed by you guys.
**[04:42] Todo**
Look around you. This is Sutabaa.
**[04:44] Todo**
You're as different as chalk and
cheese to these celestial beings!
**[04:47] Todo**
No... More like as different as angels and crap.
**[04:50] Todo**
I finally obtained some status by working here.
**[04:53] Todo**
If they find out I have crap for
brothers, it will all be for nothing.
**[04:57] Todo**
Sorry...
**[04:58] Todo**
I really didn't want to say that.
**[05:00] Choro**
Then don't! We almost died!
**[05:04] Oso**
W-Well, I can't say that I don't understand...
**[05:07] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:08] Oso**
You know, it's like when your
mom comes to class observation,
**[05:11] Oso**
and she's the only one who's totally out of place.
**[05:14] Todo**
No, not quite.
**[05:16] Todo**
It's more like when the principal
**[05:18] Todo**
waves around your stained underwear
in front of a school assembly.
**[05:21] Choro**
What the hell do you think we are?!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Let's go home. I've had enough.
**[05:27] Jyu**
Aww, but we just got here.
**[05:29] Todo**
Have some coupons. You can use them at
the store in front of the station, too.
**[05:32] Choro**
Who needs those?!
**[05:33] Sachi**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[05:35] Aida**
Are these your friends?
**[05:36] Todo**
No, um, uh... They're, y-you know...
**[05:39] Sachi**
Huh?
**[05:43] Both**
What?!
**[05:45] Aida**
You're sextuplets?!
**[05:47] Sachi**
That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
**[05:49] Oso**
I-Is it that uncommon?
Want to take a picture with us?
**[05:53] Both**
No thanks!
**[05:57] Choro**
*W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.*
**[06:01] Choro**
* Their bodies are glowing with*
* the light called confidence.*
**[06:06] Choro**
*And then there's him...*
**[06:08] Choro**
*Look at those eyes!*
**[06:09] Aida**
Wow, I'm so surprised!
**[06:11] Sachi**
Jeez, why didn't you tell us?
**[06:15] Todo**
Sorry. I was sure I'd already told you guys.
**[06:18] Oso**
So, hey, hey, hey...
**[06:18] Choro**
* There are two of him... There are*
* two personalities inside him!*
**[06:19] Sachi**
Oh, Osomatsu-san, was it?
**[06:22] Sachi**
I was wondering, what do you do for work?
**[06:28] Odo**
U-Um, you two have a break
coming up, don't you?
**[06:31] Sachi**
Oh, you're right. Well, enjoy your stay.
**[06:40] Todo**
I'll take your order. Hurry up and
order, drink, and get out of here.
**[06:46] Todo**
You're being a nuisance
to the other customers.
**[06:49] Choro**
*Wh-Why, you...*
**[06:50] Jyu**
Let's see...
**[06:53] Jyu**
Do you have beef bowls?
**[06:54] Todo**
No!
**[06:55] Oso**
I want takoyaki.
**[06:56] Choro**
A frankfurter.
**[06:57] Ichi**
Soft serve.
**[06:58] Todo**
Do you think this is a rest stop?!
**[07:00] Oso**
What about you, Karamatsu?
**[07:02] Kara**
I'd like a tall latte.
Make it a doppio on the espre—
**[07:06] Choro**
Why?! He's the only one who ordered properly!
**[07:15] Choro**
Wait. Why'd we get this table?
**[07:18] Choro**
There are plenty of others open.
**[07:22] Choro**
That dried-up monster...
He's totally trying to cut us off.
**[07:26] Oso**
When did he start working so hard?
**[07:29] Oso**
To think that there's such a gap between us...
**[07:31] Jyu**
So sweet! Have a bite, Nii-san.
**[07:34] Ichi**
Sweet! I ain't never had a
Western confectionery like this.
**[07:37] Jyu**
It ain't "Western confectionery."
They're called sweets nowadays!
**[07:39] Ichi**
S-S-Sweets!
**[07:41] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[07:41] Choro**
Uh, what are you guys doing?
**[07:43] Ichi**
For real?
**[07:43] Aida**
Hey, what are you doing over here?
**[07:45] Todo**
What happened?! Was there a
cockroach in the bathroom?!
**[07:57] Jyu**
Th-The city's a scary place!
**[07:59] Ichi**
We're gon' die.
**[08:00] Choro**
That's enough of that!
**[08:03] Sachi**
Oh, hey. About the mixer we
were talking about earlier...
**[08:07] Five**
*M-Mixer?!*
**[08:09] Sachi**
Totty, do you think you
could invite some friends?
**[08:11] Five**
*Totty?!*
**[08:13] Sachi**
Ask around at your university.
**[08:14] Five**
*University?!*
**[08:17] Todo**
Um, I'll talk to you guys about that later.
**[08:19] Aida**
Totty, you go to Keio, right?
**[08:22] Sachi**
Get some good people to come.
We'll be looking forward to it.
**[08:24] Todo**
Yeah, okay...
**[08:35] Todo**
Sirs?! You're spilling, sirs!
**[08:38] Todo**
What's wrong with you, sirs?!
**[08:40] Choro**
Whoops, my hand slipped.
**[08:41] Todo**
Hot!
**[08:46] Todo**
What the hell are you trying to do?!
**[08:50] Manager**
A-Are you okay, Matsuno-kun?!
**[08:52] Todo**
I'm fine.
**[08:53] Jyu**
Way to go, Totty!
**[08:54] Mana**
Should I call the cops?
**[08:56] Todo**
No. Leave this to me.
**[08:57] Jyu**
Totty!
**[08:58] Oso**
We're sorry, Totty.
**[09:01] Kara**
We just don't belong at a place like this.
**[09:05] Choro**
I mean, we're just stained underwear.
**[09:07] Todo**
*Wh-What the hell are these creatures?*
**[09:08] Jyu**
Totty!
**[09:09] Todo**
I-I'm really sorry. Please forgive me.
**[09:12] Oso**
Huh? Sorry for what?
**[09:15] Kara**
For treating us like vermin?
**[09:18] Choro**
Or for lying about being
surrounded by Keio students?
**[09:24] Oso**
So what's this mixer about?
**[09:27] Jyu**
Totty!
**[09:27] Kara**
What is it?
**[09:28] Choro**
What's your handwriting look like?
**[09:46] Oso**
Hey!
**[09:47] Ichi**
Hey!
**[09:50] ---**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Open
***SIGN*** Pub
***SIGN*** Draft Beer
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[09:57] Oso**
All right! Yeah!
**[09:59] Choro**
What the hell is that dance?
**[10:02] Aida**
That wasn't what I imagined at all.
**[10:03] Sachi**
What was even going on?
**[10:05] Oso**
Man, I laughed my ass off.
**[10:09] Kara**
That was awesome.
**[10:10] Choro**
You worked really hard.
**[10:12] Ichi**
Impressive.
**[10:13] Jyu**
That was so much fun!
**[10:16] Oso**
Thanks for everything today...
**[10:19] Five**
Totty!
**[10:25] Ichi**
Welcome back.
**[10:27] Todo**
Th-Thanks...
***SIGN*** "Four"
**[10:33] Oso**
Crap...
**[10:34] Oso**
This really isn't good.
**[10:35] Kara**
How did it come to this?
**[10:36] Choro**
How do we solve this?
**[10:37] Ichi**
We're finished.
**[10:39] Todo**
Wait, what are we going to do?
**[10:41] Oso**
Why are there four?!
**[10:42] Choro**
How do we split this?
**[10:45] Choro**
* This number has always brought*
* misfortune to us sextuplets.*
***SIGN*** The Sharing Situation Between Sextuplets
That Even An Only Child Can Understand
**[10:48] Choro**
* With one or two, there aren't enough anyway,*
* so we could just do rock-paper-scissors.*
**[10:52] Choro**
*If there are five, though,*
**[10:53] Choro**
* the odds of losing are lower,*
* so it's rock-paper-scissors again.*
**[10:56] Choro**
* If there are three, it's peaceful.*
* We just split them in half and make them six.*
**[11:00] Choro**
*But the reality we are facing today is...*
**[11:03] Six**
Four!
**[11:04] Oso**
The number that's our mortal
enemy... The devil's number!
**[11:06] Kara**
I sense a war coming...
**[11:07] ---**
We're finished.
**[11:08] Jyu**
What are we going to do?
**[11:09] Todo**
Who even brought us this many? Was it Mom?
**[11:11] Choro**
Hey, what good would it do to
find out why there are four?
**[11:14] Choro**
Even if we find that out,
we're still left with four,
**[11:16] Choro**
you fool!
**[11:20] Todo**
Sorry...
**[11:21] Choro**
No, I'm sorry...
**[11:23] Kara**
It's no use... I'm so sleepy.
**[11:24] Oso**
Hey, don't fall asleep! If you do,
they're gonna be eaten!
**[11:26] Oso**
By me!
**[11:27] Jyu**
Me, too...
**[11:28] Oso**
They're seriously going to be eaten!
**[11:29] Oso**
By me!
**[11:30] Choro**
It can't be helped... We've been
glaring at each other for 36 hours.
**[11:36] Ichi**
We're finished.
**[11:39] Oso**
I guess we're just gonna have
to resort to using force!
**[11:41] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[11:43] Todo**
Guess we have no choice.
**[11:44] Choro**
Totty!
**[11:46] Kara**
What a shame.
**[11:46] Choro**
Who?!
**[11:47] Jyu**
Come at me, bro!
**[11:48] Choro**
Who are you?!
**[11:49] Ichi**
I'm going to end this.
**[11:50] Choro**
Seriously, who are you?!
**[11:52] Choro**
No, wait...
**[11:55] Choro**
Wait!
**[11:57] Choro**
Calm down, you guys! We can't have
anyone die over Imagawayaki!
**[12:01] Choro**
It sucks, but let's give one to either Mom or Dad,
**[12:04] Choro**
and then split the other three evenly.
**[12:07] Choro**
Okay?
**[12:13] Oso**
We can finally eat!
**[12:14] Jyu**
Smells so good! Smells so good!
**[12:16] Ichi**
Make sure you split them evenly.
**[12:17] Kara**
Equally.
**[12:18] Choro**
I know, I know.
**[12:20] Oso**
Well, I'll be taking the biggest
piece since I'm the eldest.
**[12:23] Todo**
What? No fair!
**[12:25] Choro**
Hey...
**[12:27] Choro**
Hey!
**[12:28] Oso**
What's up?
**[12:29] Choro**
Look at this...
**[12:33] Choro**
One of them... has cream filling.
**[12:37] Six**
That's mine!
***SIGN*** End
**[12:40] Six**
Give it!
***SIGN*** Going North
***SIGN*** America
***SIGN*** America
***SIGN*** Here
***SIGN*** Welcome to Akatsuka Village, Chiba
***SIGN*** This is Yellowknife
**[19:53] Person**
Hey, fella!
**[19:55] Person**
Did ya come here to see the aurora borealis?
**[19:58] Person**
It's gonna snow fer a while,
so I dun' think there's gon' be one.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Dayon Counseling Room
**[22:10] Nar**
*The Dayon Counseling Room.*
**[22:13] Nar**
* This is a secret counseling room where*
* the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"*
**[22:17] Nar**
*express how they really feel.*
**[22:21] Oso**
Pardon me.
**[22:24] Oso**
Hey. There we go.
***SIGN*** This Week's Client
Osomatsu
**[22:29] Oso**
Man, we're finally on episode seven.
Thanks for all your hard work.
**[22:34] Oso**
Must be hard, week after week.
**[22:36] Oso**
Not to mention, what the heck?
Were you just in Canada?
**[22:39] Oso**
You know you can say no, right?
You're gonna wear yourself out.
**[22:43] Oso**
So, I'm just gonna jump right into it,
and have you hear me out.
**[22:47] Oso**
So... You know our anime
came back in October, right?
**[22:51] Oso**
And we keep getting referred
to as a gag anime, but...
**[22:54] Oso**
Seriously, could you not?
**[22:56] Oso**
It's too violent.
**[22:58] Oso**
Why would you call it a gag anime?
That raises the bar to a hellish degree.
**[23:01] Oso**
It means, "All right, do something funny,"
and, "Please get some laughs," right?
**[23:06] Oso**
I feel like I could die from the pressure.
**[23:09] Oso**
So I thought of something.
Why not call it this instead?
***SIGN*** Anime at One's Own Responsibility
**[23:14] Oso**
Anime at one's own responsibility.
**[23:16] Oso**
A new genre of anime where
**[23:18] Oso**
whether it's funny or not is
the viewer's own responsibility.
**[23:21] Oso**
That means if we mess up,
it won't be on us... Huh?
**[23:26] Oso**
I want out!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Oso**
He mixes this complicated
modern society with a soft spoon,
**[23:38] Oso**
then he takes a bunch of
mysteries and questions and
**[23:40] Oso**
acts like they never happened!
**[23:41] Oso**
That's the kind of guy who's coming!
**[23:43] Oso**
On that note, the next Osomatsu-san will be
"The Calming Osomatsu" and "Totoko's Dream."
***SIGN*** "The Calming Osomatsu" "Totoko's Dream"
# E8 - The Calming Osomatsu / Totoko's Dream
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G63VMEQVY/the-calming-osomatsu--totokos-dream)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "The Calming Osomatsu"
**[02:21] Todo**
*Murder.*
**[02:22] Todo**
*It is one of the most heinous
crimes in the world.*
**[02:26] Todo**
* We police must solve these*
* cases, no matter what...*
***SIGN*** Mas—
**[02:30] Todo**
* No matter the method, and no*
* matter what we must sacrifice.*
**[02:37] Todo**
Any new clues? Are you even
serious about catching this guy?
**[02:41] Jyu**
Hey, you don't have to say it like that.
We're doing our best here.
**[02:45] Todo**
Then hurry up and find something.
Results are everything here.
**[02:49] Jyu**
Wha—
**[02:49] Person**
Hey.
**[02:50] Jyu**
But Ken-san!
**[02:51] Todo**
* That's what I believed,*
* and I didn't think twice about it.*
**[02:54] Todo**
*Until I met him...*
**[02:56] Choro**
Assistant Inspector Todomatsu.
**[02:57] Todo**
Inspector.
**[02:58] Choro**
What's the situation?
**[02:59] Todo**
The victim is Matsuno Karamatsu.
**[03:01] Todo**
He died after being stabbed in
the back. There are no witnesses.
**[03:06] Todo**
This is the murder weapon.
**[03:08] Choro**
There aren't enough clues.
Where could the suspect have gone?
***SIGN*** Murder Weapon
**[03:13] Choro**
My gut feeling as an inspector tells me that this
**[03:17] Choro**
might end up being a cold case.
**[03:20] Todo**
No...
**[03:24] Choro**
If only he were here right now.
**[03:27] Todo**
He?
**[03:29] Choro**
Never mind. Let's get back to the scene.
**[03:32] Choro**
Search everything!
**[03:33] Todo**
Yes, sir.
**[03:49] Oso**
Ow... Man, those crows were in the way.
**[03:52] Todo**
Wh-What are you doing?! Who the heck are you?
**[03:56] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[03:57] Oso**
Ah, Choro-san.
**[03:59] Todo**
Wha? Do you know him, Inspector?
**[04:01] Choro**
So you came. Feel free to do what you need to.
**[04:05] Oso**
Okay.
**[04:06] Todo**
Wh-Who is he?
**[04:09] Choro**
Now that he's here, we have
nothing to worry about.
**[04:11] Choro**
He is our greatest ally,
the Calming Detective Osomatsu-kun!
**[04:16] Todo**
Calming Detective? Huh?
**[04:20] Choro**
Yes. He has been a part of over two
thousand murder investigations.
**[04:23] Todo**
That many?!
**[04:24] Choro**
And not a single one of them has been solved.
**[04:27] Todo**
What?!
**[04:28] Choro**
His sole purpose is
**[04:30] Choro**
to bring a calm atmosphere to the police
after we get all irritated about
**[04:35] Choro**
being unable to solve the mystery
or trick at a crime scene.
**[04:39] Todo**
So he's completely useless, right?!
**[04:41] Choro**
Watch carefully. Everyone'll calm down.
**[04:43] Todo**
Seriously, calm down?
**[04:46] Oso**
Hey, whatcha doin'? Can I do it, too?
**[04:50] Oso**
Huh?
**[04:53] Jyu**
Nothing's coming to light.
**[04:55] Person**
We have to hurry up.
**[04:56] Oso**
Don't ignore me. Come on.
**[04:59] Jyu**
What? We're busy right n—
**[05:04] Person**
The personal effects!
**[05:06] Oso**
What are you doing, you klutz?
**[05:08] Jyu**
That was totally your fault!
**[05:09] Person**
Hey! You're stepping on it!
***SIGN*** Mas—
**[05:11] Person**
You're stepping on the dying message!
**[05:13] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:18] Person**
What are you doing?!
**[05:20] Oso**
You'd never figure it out anyway.
**[05:22] Jyu**
That was an valuable evidence!
**[05:23] Oso**
Then did you know what it meant?
Can you decipher his dying message?
**[05:26] Jyu**
No, I don't think so, but...
**[05:28] Oso**
See? Then it doesn't matter if it's there or not.
**[05:30] Jyu**
I see... Wait, no I don't!
**[05:33] Oso**
3:03 PM: "delayed reaction" retort.
**[05:36] Jyu**
Wh-Why are you writing that?!
**[05:37] Oso**
Just kidding! I didn't write anything!
**[05:41] Jyu**
Oh, man, you got me. Wait, no!
**[05:43] Jyu**
Seriously, what do you want?
You're such a nuisance.
**[05:55] Choro**
See? We calmed down.
**[05:56] Todo**
So what if we did?! We just
lost valuable evidence!
**[06:00] Choro**
He'll sacrifice evidence
to create this atmosphere.
**[06:02] Todo**
He's completely useless!
**[06:04] Oso**
Hey, Detective! Detective!
**[06:06] Choro**
It's Inspector, Osomatsu-kun.
**[06:07] Choro**
You're embarrassing me, calling me Detective.
**[06:10] Oso**
Detective.
**[06:11] Todo**
Are you even listening?
**[06:12] Oso**
You see, I already figured it out.
**[06:15] Choro**
Huh?
**[06:16] Oso**
I figured out the mystery.
**[06:17] Choro**
What?!
**[06:18] Todo**
You're lying! You don't even have any clues!
**[06:21] Todo**
How could you—
**[06:22] Oso**
The culprit in this case is...
**[06:33] Oso**
The culprit is somewhere in this world!
**[06:40] Choro**
The whole world...
**[06:42] Choro**
That's a pretty big search area.
**[06:44] Jyu**
You didn't narrow it down at all!
**[06:50] Odo**
What? What?!
**[06:51] Choro**
See, Todomatsu? Doesn't the
tension before feel like a lie?
**[06:56] Choro**
The mood at the scene is much nicer.
***SIGN*** Murder Weapon
**[06:59] Choro**
Even the murder weapon that was so pointy
has calmed down and rounded its tip.
**[07:02] Todo**
The hell?!
**[07:03] Choro**
I'm sure the murdered Karamatsu
is also feeling calm in Heaven.
**[07:07] Todo**
What the hell are you talking about?
**[07:09] Todo**
Is there seriously any point in him being here?
**[07:11] Todo**
The investigation's going nowhere!
**[07:15] Oso**
That was...
**[07:16] Choro**
Could the suspect still be in this mansion?!
**[07:20] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:22] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:25] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:28] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:30] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:32] Choro**
I said, Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:33] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:35] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun! Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:37] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:39] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:40] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:41] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:43] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:48] Choro**
Osomatsu—
**[07:49] Choro**
What, you're just going to the bathroom?!
**[07:53] Choro**
Jeez. If you were just going to the
bathroom, you should've said so.
**[07:59] Choro**
Man, he really is so calming.
**[08:02] Todo**
Huh?!
**[08:04] Oso**
Damn... Didn't make it in time.
**[08:07] Todo**
No, we didn't get here fast enough
because everyone was too calm.
**[08:10] Oso**
It'll be embarrassing if I have
to look like this all day.
**[08:13] Todo**
You didn't make it to the bathroom?!
Why don't you leave already?!
**[08:16] Choro**
But now we've gotten one step
closer to solving this case.
**[08:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[08:20] Choro**
Haven't you realized it? A murder just
took place right here, right now.
**[08:24] Choro**
But the mansion has been secured.
**[08:26] Choro**
Which means the suspect
is still in this building.
**[08:32] Oso**
I see... I've got it!
**[08:33] Choro**
Really, Osomatsu-kun?
**[08:35] Oso**
I solved the mystery!
**[08:37] Todo**
That sounds like a lie.
**[08:38] Oso**
Listen carefully. The murder took
place right here, right now,
**[08:43] Oso**
and the mansion is secure.
**[08:46] Oso**
Which means the suspect is...
**[09:10] Todo**
Seriously, that's enough!
**[09:12] Oso**
The suspect is somewhere inside this mansion!
**[09:19] Todo**
The inspector just said that!
**[09:21] Todo**
Seriously, what's with you?!
**[09:23] Todo**
You're no detective, you're just an idiot!
**[09:33] Todo**
Jeez...
**[09:37] Choro**
What's the matter, Todomatsu?
Did I just hear you laugh?
**[09:40] Choro**
Are you feeling calm?
**[09:42] Todo**
* Th-This feeling... I'm not irritated*
* at all about another murder happening.*
**[09:47] Todo**
*Actually, I'm feeling extremely at ease.*
**[09:51] Choro**
That's the power of the Calming Detective.
**[09:55] Todo**
Calming Detective...
**[09:57] Choro**
All right, Todomatsu.
Let's go for the complete calm.
**[10:01] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:03] Todo**
Oh... R-Right.
**[10:07] Oso**
So basically, this was right here...
**[10:10] Oso**
The suspect went like this, and that,
and this, and stabbed right here.
**[10:16] Oso**
Ah.
**[10:18] Todo**
Hey, come on! You can't actually stab him!
**[10:24] Choro**
That's it.
**[10:27] Oso**
Please, answer me! Hey! Hey!
**[10:32] Oso**
That's it! Tell me before you die!
**[10:36] Oso**
Wait, what was I asking?
**[10:40] Choro**
Good.
**[10:44] Todo**
Well?
**[10:45] Todo**
Have you figured anything out?
**[10:49] Oso**
Hey! Phimosis!
**[10:51] Todo**
What are you investigating?
**[10:55] Choro**
There you have it.
**[11:03] Choro**
Okay.
**[11:08] Choro**
Nice.
**[11:15] Choro**
Yes.
**[11:23] Choro**
Well done!
**[11:26] Choro**
That's it! Good!
***SIGN*** Sheeeh
**[11:30] Choro**
How wonderful!
**[11:32] Choro**
Things are definitely calming down.
**[11:34] Choro**
It doesn't even feel like a
murder happened here anymore.
**[11:38] Choro**
The mood is absolutely fantastic.
**[11:41] Oso**
Hey, can I introduce you to someone?
**[11:43] Todo**
Sure.
**[11:44] Oso**
This is the killer.
**[11:46] Todo**
Seriously?!
**[11:47] Oso**
He was hiding, but he felt
really calm, so he came out.
**[11:51] Jyu**
What an idiot.
**[11:56] Todo**
Atone for your crimes, okay?
**[11:59] Todo**
Bye-bye!
**[12:01] Choro**
Man, Todomatsu.
**[12:03] Choro**
This paella is great. Did you try some?
**[12:06] Todo**
Inspector...
**[12:08] Todo**
I never thought everything
would actually be solved.
**[12:12] Todo**
And I learned something.
**[12:15] Todo**
You shouldn't be all irritated while you work.
Just take it as it comes.
**[12:20] Choro**
Yes. If you take everything seriously,
you'll only make a fool of yourself.
**[12:26] Choro**
The Calming Detective Osomatsu...
**[12:29] Choro**
He has a debt of five million and is
getting an allowance from his family.
**[12:33] Todo**
I see.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Dream"
***SIGN*** Fishhhh I'll do my best
***SIGN*** 6th Yowai Totoko Solo Live
***SIGN*** Fish Idol
**[12:45] Totoko**
*Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full*
**[12:50] Six**
One serving of squid!
**[12:51] Toto**
*Love is an illusion*
**[12:53] Six**
Fish dried overnight!
**[12:54] Toto**
*All people breathe through gills!*
**[12:57] Six**
Glub, glub, glub! Yay!
**[12:59] Choro**
Totoko-chan! You're so cute!
**[13:01] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[13:27] Oso**
Huh?
**[13:29] Toto**
Th-There's... no way this is going to sell.
**[13:40] Iyami**
Me would have to agree with that remark...
**[13:46] Oso**
Come on, now. Don't cry, Totoko-chan.
**[13:50] Oso**
What brought this on?
**[13:51] Choro**
Seeing you cry makes us sad, too.
**[13:54] Todo**
Come on, stop crying.
**[13:55] Kara**
Don't cry—
**[14:02] Ichi**
Her famous body blow is still going strong.
**[14:04] Jyu**
So cool!
**[14:06] Totoko**
I'm gonna quit being an idol.
**[14:09] Five**
What?!
**[14:19] Oso**
W-Wait... This is all too sudden.
**[14:22] Toto**
Don't try to stop me! I'm...
**[14:25] Toto**
not confident that I can make it as a fish idol.
**[14:29] Iyami**
Me doesn't think me can make
any money off of you, either.
**[14:33] Toto**
I mean...
**[14:35] Toto**
My scales fall off when I'm singing,
**[14:37] Toto**
my dressing room stinks,
**[14:39] Toto**
and I got mistaken for a tuna when
I walked through the fish market.
**[14:41] Toto**
Fish!
**[14:43] Choro**
I see... I didn't know idols had such hardships.
**[14:46] Iyami**
They don't, usually!
**[14:47] Oso**
But it's such a waste. You're so cute!
**[14:51] Jyu**
Right? You'll definitely sell.
**[14:53] Ichi**
You should continue.
**[14:55] Toto**
Really? Then I will.
**[14:57] Iyami**
You recover way too quickly!
What was all that build-up for?
**[15:01] Toto**
But I wonder how I can get popular.
**[15:06] Iyami**
We'll just have to try the porno route.
**[15:11] Kara**
Wh-Why me?
**[15:14] Todo**
I think you're fine as you are.
**[15:16] Oso**
What do you mean, Totty?
**[15:18] Todo**
Well, you love singing, right, Totoko-chan?
**[15:21] Todo**
So if that shows in your act, your fans wi—
**[15:24] Toto**
Huh? I don't actually like singing.
**[15:27] Todo**
Huh? Oh, you don't?
**[15:29] Todo**
Then why did you want to be an idol?
**[15:31] Toto**
Isn't it obvious?
**[15:34] Toto**
I just
**[15:35] Toto**
want to be famous and have
people fawn over me!
**[15:39] Toto**
I'll up my best selfies onto SNS
**[15:41] Toto**
and have people compliment
me on how cute I am.
**[15:44] Toto**
And I want people I went to
school with to find my photos
**[15:46] Toto**
so I can show off that I'm living
a better life than they are.
**[15:50] Toto**
So I don't really care how I do it.
**[15:51] Toto**
I just need fanboys.
**[16:00] Six**
S-So cute...
**[16:03] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:05] Oso**
Have you ever known a girl who was that honest?
**[16:09] Choro**
Being completely honest is the cutest!
**[16:11] Todo**
I'm proud to call her a childhood friend.
**[16:13] Oso**
All right, I've made up my mind.
**[16:14] Oso**
Totoko-chan was completely honest with us.
**[16:17] Oso**
Let's do our best to make
sure she gets popular.
**[16:20] Totoko**
Really?!
**[16:21] Ichi**
What are we gonna do?
**[16:22] Oso**
First, we'll have to promote her.
**[16:24] Iyami**
Well, me will be going now...
***SIGN*** Menacing
**[16:30] Oso**
Please check this out! There'll be a concert!
**[16:32] Six**
Yowai Totoko!
***SIGN*** Dora Dora Drug
**[16:34] Six**
Please check her out!
**[16:34] Todo**
We promise it won't be a hassle!
**[16:36] Iyami**
Wait... What are they handing out?
**[16:39] Oso**
Please.
**[16:41] Iyami**
Why is it mackerel?!
**[16:42] Iyami**
That's just going to ensure no one shows up!
**[16:44] Toto**
True, mackerel might not be a good idea.
They're really quick to spoil.
**[16:49] Iyami**
What are you talking about?
***SIGN*** Handing out fish!!
Fishhhh!
***SIGN*** I'll do my best
***SIGN*** 7th Yowai Totoko Solo Live
***SIGN*** Fish Idol
**[16:53] ---**
We did it! Look at all the people here!
**[16:56] ---**
That's amazing! Thank you.
**[16:58] Guy**
I heard they're giving out fish.
**[17:01] Iyami**
This isn't an idol concert!
They're all here to get fish!
**[17:05] Toto**
All right, here I go!
**[17:07] Choro**
Yeah, do your best, Totoko-chan!
**[17:07] Five**
You can do it!
**[17:10] Toto**
Here I am, everyone!
**[17:16] Toto**
Now take this!
**[17:17] Bums**
Fish!
**[17:19] Totoko**
Take this! Take these little fish, you vermin!
**[17:26] Six**
So cute!
**[17:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:33] Toto**
They didn't come to see me!
They just came for the fish!
**[17:39] Toto**
I really am going to quit being an idol!
**[17:41] Jyu**
Hold it!
**[17:41] Toto**
Don't try to stop me.
**[17:42] Jyu**
Totoko-chan, you're really pretty, so why
not be an actress instead of an idol?
**[17:48] Toto**
I see.
***SIGN*** Matsuno Pictures
***SIGN*** The Idiot's Fishing Diary
**[17:57] Todo**
Suu-san!
**[17:58] Ichi**
What?
**[17:59] Todo**
Suu-san, there's something on the line.
**[18:04] Both**
One, two...
**[18:10] Toto**
*Flop, flop, flop, flop...*
**[18:10] Todo**
We did it, Suu-san! It's a huge one!
**[18:14] Jyu**
How about it? Rather than an
actress, you'd be a fishtress.
***SIGN*** Fishtress
**[18:17] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:21] Toto**
You're so mean, Jyushimatsu-kun.
You're making fun of my fishy character.
**[18:27] Oso**
What? Is that true, Jyushimatsu?
**[18:29] Todo**
You're making fun of her?
**[18:30] Choro**
Now, now...
**[18:31] Choro**
I think we should try to promote
Totoko-chan on a more global scale.
**[18:36] Toto**
You're right! I was thinking the exact same thing.
***SIGN*** Monday Late Night Special The Matsuno Detective Team Searches!!
**[18:44] Choro**
* We have now been wandering*
* for three days in the Amazon*
**[18:48] Choro**
*in search of the legendary creature.*
**[18:50] Choro**
*We had given up hope, until...*
**[18:53] Oso**
Hey!
**[18:54] Oso**
Look over there... That's...
**[18:56] Oso**
A fishman!
**[18:57] Toto**
Fish, fish, fish...
**[18:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:02] Toto**
Thank you, everyone. That one really
felt right, so I'll go with fishman.
**[19:08] Iyami**
Come on, now! You guys are
completely delusional!
**[19:13] Kara**
Listen up.
**[19:15] Kara**
After experimenting with a few things,
**[19:17] Kara**
I realized that in order to make
Totoko-chan really popular,
**[19:21] Kara**
we first have to abandon the whole fish thing.
**[19:26] Oso**
Y-You want to take fish from Totoko-chan?
**[19:29] Choro**
What are you saying, Karamatsu-niisan?!
**[19:31] Ichi**
Shut up, Shittymatsu. I'll kill you, Shittymatsu.
**[19:34] Iyami**
No, really... He brings up an excellent point.
**[19:39] Totoko**
It's okay, everyone.
**[19:42] Toto**
People breathe with their lungs,
**[19:44] Toto**
but fish breathe with their gills.
**[19:47] Toto**
That's what you're saying,
right, Karamatsu-kun?
**[19:49] Kara**
Huh? S-Sure...
**[19:52] Iyami**
That's definitely not it.
**[19:54] Totoko**
All right. I will graduate from being a fish.
**[19:59] Six**
What?!
**[20:01] Toto**
I won't rely on the potential
that fish have any longer.
**[20:09] Toto**
Just watch me, everyone. I'll get a size...
no, two sizes bigger, and come back!
**[20:24] Toto**
Wait for me, everyone.
I'll... I'll make it big.
**[20:26] Choro**
* And so Totoko-chan gave up*
* her dream to become famous*
**[20:30] Choro**
*just so people would give her attention.*
**[20:33] Choro**
*A few days later...*
**[20:38] Six**
What? What? What?
**[20:45] Choro**
*Yes, just as she said...*
**[20:53] Choro**
* She came back not one size,*
* but two sizes bigger.*
**[20:59] Six**
S-So cute!
**[21:03] Totoko**
Yay!
**[21:09] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[22:46] Kara**
Here we go.
**[22:47] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[22:49] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[22:51] Jyu**
*Aye, aye!*
**[22:52] Karra**
*Not six times...*
**[22:54] Both**
*...but one out of six*
**[22:55] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[22:57] Jyu**
*Yup!*
**[22:58] Kara**
*We don't want to think about...*
**[23:00] Both**
*...the hardship of raising us*
**[23:02] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:04] Jyu**
*Pon!*
**[23:05] Kara**
*The smell our lives give off...*
**[23:08] Both**
*...is six guys' worth*
**[23:11] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:17] Jyu**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:23] Both**
*We were born sextuplets!*
**[23:31] Jyu**
Nii-san!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] ---**
Karamatsu here.
**[23:36] Kara**
Next time on Osomatsu-san, we have
these two titles filled with love.
**[23:40] Kara**
"Oh My Little Oden," and "A Night at Fourteen."
***SIGN*** "Chibita and Oden" "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[23:43] Kara**
What? They're a bit different
from the titles on the screen?
**[23:47] Kara**
That's just how I read them.
Don't worry about it.
# E9 - Chibita and Oden / Jyushimatsu Falls in Love
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR2PE085R/chibita-and-oden--jyushimatsu-falls-in-love)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Hata**
Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
**[00:04] Hata**
Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, dajo, dajo.
**[00:08] Hata**
It snowed, jo!
**[00:11] Hata**
Yay, snowmen, jo!
**[00:13] Hata**
Snowman! Snowman!
**[00:17] Hata**
Jo?
**[00:23] Hata**
Wh-What the jo?
**[00:29] Oso**
Osomatsu...
**[00:30] Ichi**
...and Ichimatsu's...
**[00:31] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[00:33] Ichi**
The actually rather awkward
"The Crane Repays a Debt."
**[00:36] Hata**
Jo?
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
***SIGN*** The Actually Rather Awkward
***SIGN*** The Crane Repays a Debt
**[00:40] Oso**
Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock.
**[00:43] Ichi**
Who might you be?
**[00:44] Oso**
I'm sorry for bothering you so late.
**[00:46] Oso**
I've lost my way because of the snow.
**[00:49] Oso**
Could you possibly let me stay for the ni—
**[00:51] Ichi**
Nope.
**[00:52] Oso**
Whoa, whoa, wait! Wait a sec.
**[00:54] Oso**
Well... I'm just gonna come out and say this.
**[00:59] Oso**
I'm the crane! You know,
the one you saved earlier today.
**[01:02] Ichi**
Oh...
**[01:04] Oso**
I've come to repay my debt.
**[01:07] Ichi**
No, that's okay.
**[01:10] Oso**
Huh?
**[01:10] Ichi**
I can't help if you just show up
out of nowhere. Bye.
**[01:13] Oso**
Wait, wait, wait...
**[01:14] Ichi**
Huh?
**[01:15] Oso**
Um... I can, like, weave, and stuff...
**[01:19] Ichi**
I told you, that's not necessary.
**[01:20] Oso**
It's not necessary?
**[01:22] Ichi**
Right.
**[01:24] Oso**
Are you sure it's not necessary?
**[01:27] Ichi**
Absolutely not necessary.
**[01:29] Oso**
Oh... Okay.
**[01:31] Ichi**
Sorry about that.
**[01:33] Oso**
N-No... I got ahead of myself.
**[01:36] Ichi**
Be careful with the snow and stuff.
**[01:39] Oso**
Okay... Goodbye.
**[01:41] Ichi**
See ya.
**[01:43] Hata**
Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
**[01:47] Hata**
Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, da—
***SIGN*** "Chibita and Oden"
**[03:22] Chibi**
My oden's the best in Japan...
**[03:25] Chibi**
The best in the world, hey, yo!
**[03:29] Chibi**
Royalty... Huh?
**[03:33] Chibi**
Karamatsu! Haven't seen you
around often, you idjit.
**[03:39] Chibi**
It's so chilly... It's gonna get
busy again tonight, damn it.
**[03:44] Chibi**
Well? Is it good?
**[03:46] Chibi**
I see, so it is good!
**[03:47] Chibi**
What? Best in the universe?
**[03:51] Chibi**
You've got pretty good taste, you idjit.
**[03:55] Chibi**
So? Did you find a job yet?
**[03:58] Kara**
Oh, that?
**[04:00] Chibi**
Huh? Did you actually...
**[04:02] Kara**
In regard to work...
**[04:05] Kara**
I have no plans.
**[04:06] Chibi**
Why'd you build that up, you idjit?
**[04:08] Chibi**
You embarrass me, man.
**[04:11] Chibi**
If you don't hurry up and find one,
you'll end up like him.
**[04:15] Iyami**
That's me's chikuwabu!
**[04:18] Chibi**
Karamatsu, what's important
is what you want to do.
**[04:22] Chibi**
Even if you find work, if it's
not right for you, it won't last.
**[04:25] Chibi**
I love oden, and that's why I can
make the best in the galaxy.
**[04:29] Chibi**
Tell me what you want to do.
Just come up with whatever.
**[04:35] Kara**
I want to... better myself.
**[04:38] Chibi**
Well, that's easy, then.
You're as low as you can get right now.
**[04:41] Chibi**
Let's see... "Wants to better self." What else?
**[04:47] Kara**
I want to... give people dreams.
**[04:50] Chibi**
Right, sure. What else?
**[04:54] Kara**
World peace.
**[04:56] Chibi**
Gross.
**[04:57] Chibi**
Let's see... World pea—
**[05:02] Chibi**
Huh?
**[05:03] Chibi**
What the hell? These tie
into each other perfectly!
**[05:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
***SIGN*** Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
**[05:08] Chibi**
You didn't have to be so secretive, Karamatsu.
**[05:10] Chibi**
I didn't know you wanted to run an oden shop!
***SIGN*** Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
**[05:14] Kara**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Oden
**[05:16] Chibi**
What the hell? If that's the case,
you should have just said so.
**[05:19] Chibi**
To think you wanted your own oden shop...
**[05:21] Chibi**
You wanted to be my apprentice, huh, you idjit?
**[05:27] Kara**
*Huh? What is this?*
**[05:29] Kara**
*This isn't good.*
**[05:30] Kara**
*I've caused some unexpected misunderst—*
**[05:32] Sign**
Oden
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[05:33] Chibi**
Don't you worry. I'll make you a pro.
**[05:36] Kara**
Uh, wai—
**[05:37] Chibi**
What? There's no one better to
be a mentor than me, you say?
**[05:40] Chibi**
You've got a good pair of eyes there.
**[05:43] Kara**
*I-It's hard to tell him now...*
**[05:46] Chibi**
As you know, oden has been called
the king of the culinary world.
**[05:50] Kara**
I've never heard that.
**[05:52] Chibi**
Its intense deliciousness has caused many wars,
**[05:55] Chibi**
and it's famous for being the
culinary world's ultimate weapon.
**[05:59] Kara**
I've never heard that.
***SIGN*** Oden
**[06:00] Chibi**
However, the times have changed,
and you can enjoy it much more easily now.
**[06:05] Chibi**
On the other hand, if you try to pour your
love into it, it's more difficult than you'd think.
**[06:09] Chibi**
It's something that's so close, yet so far.
**[06:11] Chibi**
Oden is revered as the culinary
world's childhood friend.
**[06:15] Kara**
So just what is oden actually
called in the culinary world?
**[06:19] Chibi**
Listen up, Kara-boy. Don't you dare
take oden lightly *(nametenjanee)*.
**[06:23] Chibi**
The only thing you may lick *(nameteii)*
**[06:24] Chibi**
is the beef tendon skewer.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
**[06:32] Chibi**
All right.
**[06:33] Chibi**
I'll show you the secret technique
of preparation, you idjit.
**[06:36] Kara**
Um, Chibita...
**[06:38] Chibi**
Do you know what the most important
thing is when making oden?!
**[06:41] Kara**
Chibita, listen to me—
**[06:43] Chibi**
That's right! Well done figuring it out.
**[06:45] Chibi**
It's the broth.
**[06:46] Kara**
Er, I didn't say anything...
**[06:48] Chibi**
So what's the most important
thing when making broth?
**[06:51] Chibi**
That's right! Your fighting spirit!
**[06:53] Kara**
Uh, that doesn't explain anything.
**[06:55] Chibi**
Just watch, you idjit.
**[06:57] Chibi**
You should watch and steal
your mentor's methods.
**[07:02] Chibi**
Here we go! The hell?!
**[07:04] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[07:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[07:10] Chibi**
Give it a try.
**[07:12] Kara**
There's no way I can do that.
**[07:16] Chibi**
Next... We put in the ingredients, you idjit!
**[07:19] Kara**
Chibita, you've got—
**[07:20] Chibi**
You know what's the most important here?
**[07:22] Chibi**
That's right, guts!
**[07:23] Kara**
You haven't explained anything!
**[07:25] Chibi**
Here we go!
**[07:27] Chibi**
Hi-yah!
**[07:31] Chibi**
Give it a try.
**[07:32] Kara**
"Hi-yah"? There's no way I can do that.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[07:34] Chibi**
Next, we've got to taste it.
**[07:37] Chibi**
The tasting's hard, and the most important.
**[07:40] Chibi**
It's the last thing the cook has
**[07:42] Chibi**
to put his entire being into
before serving to the customers.
**[07:47] Chibi**
Which means...
**[07:48] Chibi**
This is how you do it, you idjit!
**[07:58] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?!
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[08:00] Chibi**
It's delicious, damn it!
**[08:08] Kara**
He's scary!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[08:14] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[08:17] Jyu**
Morning on the 4, 6, 3...
**[08:20] Jyu**
Get you!
**[08:21] Oso**
You're so hyper first thing in the morning.
**[08:31] Jyu**
Thanks for the meal, touch up!
**[08:36] Choro**
He's so noisy first thing in the morning...
**[08:37] Jyu**
1,285...
**[08:39] Jyu**
1,286, 1,287!
**[08:43] Jyu**
All right! I can still go!
**[08:46] Ichi**
I'm gonna die...
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[08:47] Jyu**
Here I go! Muscle, muscle!
**[08:49] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[08:51] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:54] Jyu**
I'm home, muscle!
**[08:56] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:59] Jyu**
Muscle, mus—
**[09:09] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized game-winning homer!
***SIGN*** Men's
**[09:18] Oso**
*This is Jyushimatsu.*
**[09:20] Oso**
* Even if his jokes utterly fail,*
* Jyushimatsu never slows down.*
**[09:24] Oso**
*But then, one day...*
**[09:30] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[09:32] Jyu**
Good morning, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[09:45] Jyu**
Thank you for the meal.
**[09:50] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu, you're not
gonna do the thing today?
**[09:53] Jyu**
Nah, I'm not gonna do that today.
**[09:55] Ichi**
Seriously? But I got all ready for it...
**[09:59] Jyu**
I'm heading out.
**[10:01] Jyu**
I'm home.
**[10:09] Jyu**
Hey, little guy.
**[10:11] Jyu**
If you do that, it might disturb the
other patrons, and it's dangerous.
**[10:14] Boy**
I'm sorry.
**[10:16] Oso**
Here.
**[10:17] Jyu**
Thanks.
**[10:26] Oso**
This is scary! What got
into him all of a sudden?!
**[10:29] Oso**
What's wrong with Jyushimatsu?
**[10:30] Ichi**
He's turned into a normal human being...
**[10:32] Choro**
He's always been human... sort of.
**[10:34] Todo**
Where's he going during the day lately?
**[10:37] Todo**
He hasn't been playing baseball, has he?
**[10:39] Kara**
True... He's been acting strange.
**[10:41] Kara**
Could it be a part-time job?
**[10:42] Todo**
Nah...
**[10:43] Kara**
Or maybe pachinko?
**[10:44] Kara**
Oh!
**[10:46] Kara**
Maybe he's not playing baseball...
but watching baseball.
**[10:50] Kara**
Bingo?
**[10:51] Kara**
You sure are talking a lot today, Shittymatsu.
**[11:05] All**
What?!
**[11:11] Jyu**
I'm heading out.
**[11:19] Ichi**
It's a date. He's gotta be going on a date today.
**[11:22] Choro**
More importantly, what are we doing?
**[11:25] Oso**
This is our mission as his brothers.
**[11:27] Oso**
Our Jyushimatsu has fallen in love.
**[11:30] Oso**
As his older brothers, we've gotta cheer him on!
**[11:32] Choro**
You're totally planning on interfering!
**[11:34] Choro**
Let's just go home!
**[11:35] Todo**
So, Shittymatsu-niisan, why are
you trying to look cool again?
**[11:39] Kara**
I'm just being normal.
**[11:40] Todo**
You're not being normal.
Show us what you're wearing.
**[11:43] Todo**
Where did you buy those? Why would you
wear those when you're not on a date?
**[11:46] Todo**
You're so embarrassing!
**[11:49] Oso**
Hey, Ichimatsu...
**[11:50] Ichi**
Huh?
**[11:51] Oso**
Could you use ESP Kitty?
**[11:53] Ichi**
Nope, not happening.
That drug wore off ages ago.
**[11:56] Oso**
No good, huh...
**[11:59] Oso**
Someone's here! Is that her?
**[12:02] Choro**
I'm kinda getting nervous, too.
**[12:05] Todo**
Uh, you have nothing to do with this.
**[12:07] Oso**
Wow... She actually looks
pretty cute in real life, too.
**[12:12] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan?! Calm down!
**[12:15] Oso**
I-It's finally happening.
**[12:17] Choro**
I wonder if he'll be okay...
**[12:18] Todo**
I hope Jyushimatsu-niisan
doesn't do anything weird.
**[12:34] Oso**
What?! What the hell is he doing?!
**[12:37] Choro**
He just did what he does
at home in front of a girl!
**[12:40] Todo**
Not to mention, it's a new gag!
The risk is too high!
**[12:48] Oso**
Sh-She laughed...
**[12:55] Oso**
She's cracking up...
**[12:58] Girl**
Please stop, Jyushimatsu-kun...
**[13:02] Girl**
Don't... P-Please stop...
**[13:05] Girl**
P-Please stop...
**[13:13] Oso**
What the hell is with her?!
**[13:15] Choro**
Well, she is the one who fell for Jyushimatsu...
**[13:18] Todo**
Yeah, she's weird.
**[13:37] Choro**
Uh, just how much does she like that gag?
**[13:41] Girl**
Green light...
**[13:42] Girl**
Red light.
**[13:45] Girl**
Green light, red light.
**[13:47] Girl**
Green light... red light.
**[13:48] Choro**
They look like they're having fun.
**[13:50] Todo**
Yeah, they look like normal,
happy people... though a bit dirty.
**[13:55] Ichi**
Hey, let's go home.
**[13:57] Todo**
Yeah. We can't get in their way.
**[13:59] Choro**
Huh? Where did Osomatsu-niisan go?
**[14:03] Oso**
Man... Talk about boring.
**[14:05] Oso**
I would be a lot more fun on a date!
**[14:08] Oso**
I can make water come out my nipples.
**[14:11] Oso**
Well, whatever. I've got
plenty of girlfriends anyway.
***SIGN*** Two Hours Later
**[14:22] Oso**
Damn it, I can't make up my mind.
**[14:25] Oso**
Which girlfriend should I go with today?
**[14:29] Oso**
Wait... Isn't this girl...
**[14:34] Jyu**
I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
**[14:37] Jyu**
Wait, why aren't you stopping?!
**[14:39] Jyu**
I said I give! I give up!
**[14:42] Choro**
Oh, welcome back. Where'd you go?
**[14:45] Oso**
Huh? Oh... You know.
**[14:47] Todo**
Listen to this.
**[14:49] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan's planning on asking
that girl out the next time he sees her.
**[14:55] Jyu**
No!
**[14:58] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[15:03] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, I have something I need to tell you.
**[15:11] Oso**
You bastard!
**[15:13] Oso**
How dare you try to get a girlfriend before me?!
**[15:21] Jyu**
I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
**[16:48] Chibi**
The hell?! You've got some nerve,
trying to get a girlfriend, damn it.
**[16:52] Todo**
Aw, man. I totally thought it'd work out.
**[16:56] Chibi**
No way. He didn't have a chance.
**[16:57] Todo**
Why's that?
**[16:58] Chibi**
Because you're all NEETs.
**[17:01] Todo**
Good point.
**[17:04] Oso**
Well, to be honest, she was
just out of mustard leaves.
**[17:07] Choro**
You mean she was "out of reach."
Mustard leaves are food.
**[17:10] Kara**
That's why you should have worn these...
**[17:12] Oso**
Hot!
**[17:13] Choro**
Ow!
**[17:16] Chibi**
What the hell are you doing, you idjits?!
**[17:18] Oso**
Why me?!
**[17:21] Oso**
Why, you...
**[17:22] Choro**
Why me?!
**[17:22] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan?!
**[17:23] Ichi**
Die.
**[17:23] Kara**
You called?
**[17:57] Todo**
Would it be okay if we asked about her?
**[18:02] Jyu**
About a month ago,
**[18:05] Jyu**
she was trying to kill herself...
**[18:16] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[18:17] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[18:19] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[18:21] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[18:24] Jyu**
One, two, three, four!
**[18:29] Jyu**
6,017! 6,018!
**[18:32] Jyu**
6,019! 6,020!
**[18:52] Girl**
Wake up...
**[18:53] Girl**
Please, wake up...
**[19:14] Jyu**
And so I saved her life.
**[19:17] Choro**
You've got that backwards, right?
She saved *you*, right?
**[19:21] Jyu**
She laughed a lot at that. She said
I was funny, and that she loved me.
**[19:29] Jyu**
But... She said we can't
see each other anymore.
**[19:37] Jyu**
She said she's going back to her
family's home on tonight's bullet train.
**[19:45] Oso**
Why don't you go see her?
You can still make it.
**[19:49] Jyu**
But she rejected m—
**[19:50] Oso**
It'll be fine! After all...
**[19:54] Oso**
It's pretty troublesome meeting someone
on the day you're gonna move.
**[20:06] Oso**
Don't.
**[20:08] Oso**
I...
**[20:09] Oso**
don't have any money today.
**[20:10] Chibi**
Huh?
**[20:33] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun...
**[20:36] Girl**
I...
**[20:38] Jyu**
We'll...
**[20:40] Jyu**
see each other again! Muscle, muscle!
**[20:42] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[20:57] Jyu**
Don't cry! 4, 6, 3...
**[20:59] Jyu**
Get you!
**[21:43] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized,
game-winning home run!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Choro**
Hello, this is Choromatsu.
**[23:37] Choro**
They say that renting anything over
buying it is more efficient and affordable.
**[23:41] Choro**
I completely agree.
**[23:42] Choro**
And so, on the next "Osomatsu-san," it'll be
***SIGN*** "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend"
**[23:44] Choro**
"Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend."
**[23:46] Choro**
I'm not saying that just because
I can't get a girlfriend.
**[23:48] Choro**
No, really!
# E10 - Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRZXDK8DY/iyami-and-chibitas-rental-girlfriend)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:08] Kara**
Hey, Osomatsu.
**[00:09] Oso**
Hm?
**[00:10] Kara**
There's something I keep
thinking about lately...
**[00:13] Oso**
Good. You should probably think more often.
**[00:15] Oso**
Though I guess I should, too.
**[00:18] Kara**
What does "painful" mean?
**[00:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[00:20] Kara**
People keep pointing at me and saying "painful."
**[00:23] Kara**
But I haven't hit them, or kicked them.
**[00:27] Kara**
Why are they in pain?
**[00:28] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Don't worry about that.
**[00:31] Kara**
Huh?
**[00:31] Oso**
I mean, you're Karamatsu because you're
painful. If you lost that, you'd be boring.
**[00:36] Kara**
But I don't live for the sake of hurting people.
**[00:40] Kara**
Why? Why is it that I love everyone
so much, yet I hurt them?
**[00:46] Kara**
So... this must be the hedgehog's dilemma.
**[00:50] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[00:51] Kara**
Really? Just from that?!
**[00:53] Oso**
That hurt! Don't do surprise attacks like that!
**[00:55] Kara**
Wh-What should I do?
**[00:57] Oso**
Well, first, why don't you stop
wearing that leather jacket?
**[01:00] Kara**
My leather jacket?
**[01:01] Oso**
Yeah. That's the sheer essence of painfulness.
**[01:04] Kara**
All right...
**[01:06] Kara**
Like this?
**[01:07] Oso**
What's with that tanktop?!
Your face is on it!
**[01:10] Oso**
That's so painful!
**[01:10] Kara**
Why are you in pain?!
**[01:11] Oso**
Take off the sunglasses, too.
**[01:14] Oso**
Color contacts?! Save me, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[01:18] Oso**
It hurts so bad!
**[01:19] Oso**
I broke my rib...
**[01:22] Kara**
No matter what I do, I hurt people.
I'm a sinful man. A guilt guy!
**[01:26] Kara**
I'm trapped on all sides. Eight-side shut-out!
**[01:29] Kara**
I'm doomed to live a life of only loneliness.
**[01:34] Oso**
Uh... What? It doesn't hurt.
**[01:36] Oso**
Why?
**[01:37] Oso**
Oh! I get it! My body's gotten
used to it, Karamatsu!
**[01:41] Oso**
Because I was exposed to your dumb
tanktop and your dumb color contacts,
**[01:43] Oso**
my body's built up a resistance to you!
**[01:46] Oso**
Your problem's solved!
**[01:48] Oso**
You don't have to change, Karamatsu.
**[01:50] Oso**
Everyone else's senses just need to be dulled.
**[01:56] Kara**
Thank goodness.
**[01:59] Todo**
Why are you relieved?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend"
**[03:42] Iyami**
Me is going to die bathing outside in winter.
**[03:44] Iyami**
Why must me live like this after
coming back from France?
**[03:48] Girl**
Wow, I see. That's amazing!
**[03:51] Guy**
I know, right?
**[03:52] Iyami**
A date? Hmph.
**[03:53] Girl**
That's so funny.
**[03:54] Guy**
And the front desk is so useless...
**[03:59] Girl**
Time's up.
**[04:01] Guy**
Oh... Already?
**[04:03] Girl**
That'll be 14,000 yen for two hours.
**[04:06] Iyami**
What?!
**[04:07] Girl**
Thank you so much for today.
Please use Girlfriend Rentals again!
**[04:13] Iyami**
R-Rental girlfriends?!
**[04:17] Chibi**
What are you doing, Iyami?
**[04:19] Iyami**
Chibita!
**[04:20] Iyami**
Perfect timing! Let's you and
me be rental girlfriends!
**[04:24] Chibi**
What the heck is that?
**[04:25] Iyami**
We can be the dynamic duo again.
We'll make a fortune!
**[04:30] Iyami**
Chibita?!
**[04:31] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit!
**[04:33] Chibi**
Rental girlfriends? We're guys!
**[04:36] Iyami**
We'll dress up as women.
**[04:38] Iyami**
You idjit! Like I could do
anything that embarrassing!
**[04:40] Iyami**
But you want money, don't you?
**[04:45] Chibi**
I'm an adult now. I don't have time for—
**[04:48] Iyami**
That's too bad. Me thought you'd look really
cute dressed up like a girl, Chibita.
**[04:57] Chibi**
Just this once, you idjit.
**[04:59] Iyami**
So easy.
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
Cards Accepted
**[05:32] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[05:34] Chibi**
We don't have any customers!
**[05:37] Iyami**
Why is that?
**[05:40] Iyami**
That's it!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
**[05:53] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[05:55] Chibi**
We still aren't getting any!
**[05:58] Iyami**
Why... Oh!
**[06:00] Iyami**
That's it!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
**[06:13] Chibi**
Th-The hell...
**[06:15] Chibi**
M-My heart...
**[06:19] Iyami**
Perhaps this was too bold.
**[06:26] Iyami**
Here come our suckers!
**[06:29] Iyami**
Hello, sextuplets!
**[06:31] Iyami**
How about some rental girlfriends?
**[06:34] Iyami**
Right now, you could date us
for a whole hour for a mere...
**[06:39] Iyami**
H-Hey, wait a sec.
**[06:41] Iyami**
We'll give you a deal! You can
do whatever you want to us!
**[06:44] Iyami**
Even though we're rentals, pay the
right price, and you can do this or th—
**[06:47] Oso**
Shut up!
**[06:49] Oso**
Rental girlfriends? You guys
are nothing but monsters!
**[06:51] Oso**
Look in the mirror, stupid.
**[06:52] Choro**
My ass hair is on fire, you uglies.
**[06:53] Kara**
I'm gonna barf.
**[06:55] Ichi**
Begone. I won't be able to eat.
**[06:57] Todo**
You're not even worth Aroma Planning.
**[06:59] Jyushi**
One out! Two outs!
**[07:00] Jyushi**
Three outs! Change!
**[07:03] All**
See ya, uglies!
**[07:12] Iyami**
Uglies?
**[07:13] Iyami**
Could it be we didn't get any
customers because of how we look?
**[07:17] Chibi**
Now I see the light, you idjit...
**[07:20] Dayon**
Are you guys stupid?
**[07:24] Iyami**
Th-That does it...
**[07:27] Iyami**
We'll get pretty and have our revenge!
**[07:58] Iyami**
It's not happening.
**[08:01] Deka**
It's done.
**[08:03] Deka**
This is a drug that can make anyone into
a cute girl... The Pretty Girl Drug!
**[08:08] Deka**
By taking this, even a man can... Hold it!
**[08:13] Deka**
I want to ask before you take the drug...
**[08:15] Deka**
Why do you two want to obtain cute exteriors?
**[08:19] Deka**
I can't help but think
**[08:21] Deka**
that external beauty ruins people.
**[08:24] Deka**
That's why they need beautiful hearts.
**[08:31] Iyami**
Th-This is...
**[08:33] Chibi**
Whoa, what is this?
**[08:39] Deka**
Th-This is...
**[08:42] Deka**
Y-You ladies are pretty hot.
**[08:45] Deka**
By the way, if you take one,
the effects will last an hour.
**[08:49] Deka**
Nose bleed!
**[08:52] Deka**
P-Please hold me.
**[08:56] Jyu**
Check!
**[08:58] Todo**
Uh, Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[09:01] Todo**
You can't jump straight to that spot.
**[09:03] Jyu**
Oh...
**[09:04] Todo**
Try again.
**[09:05] Jyu**
Hmm...
**[09:07] Jyu**
Check!
**[09:08] Todo**
No, look...
**[09:09] Todo**
If you check with your king,
your king will be taken.
**[09:11] Jyu**
Oh.
**[09:12] Todo**
Should we just quit?!
**[09:14] Oso**
Hey, Choromatsu. We're adults now, right?
**[09:17] Oso**
So we shouldn't be lazing around.
**[09:20] Oso**
We have to do something...
***SIGN*** Atami
**[09:23] Oso**
Wanna go on a trip?
**[09:28] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:30] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:33] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:35] Oso**
Ugh, I'm so bored!
**[09:39] Oso**
Isn't there something fun to do?
**[09:41] Oso**
At this rate, I'm gonna die of boredom—
***SIGN*** Employment
**[09:51] Ichi**
Hiss! Hiss!
**[09:51] Jyu**
What the hell, you jerk?
**[09:57] Oso**
What's this?
**[09:59] Todo**
W-Well, Ichimatsu-niisan, what does it say?
**[10:03] Ichi**
It says "Rental Girlfriends."
**[10:05] Five**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Call Us!
**[10:06] Oso**
It does! Whoa, and they're super hot!
**[10:08] Todo**
So cute...
**[10:09] Ichi**
But they're way too expensive.
100,000 yen for an hour.
**[10:12] Oso**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[10:14] Todo**
Wait. It says they're having
a special for sextuplets.
**[10:17] All**
Wha?
**[10:17] Todo**
A special just for sextuplets...
500 yen an hour?!
**[10:22] Oso**
What is this miracle?!
That's a special just for us!
**[10:25] Oso**
All right, let's do this!
**[10:27] Choro**
Wait, no...
**[10:29] Choro**
No, no, no, no, no, no!
**[10:30] Choro**
Wait a sec!
**[10:32] Choro**
Don't you guys suspect anything?
It's too suspicious!
**[10:35] Choro**
What's a sextuplet special?
I've never heard of that!
**[10:37] Oso**
Oh, here we go. The cool virgin speaks.
**[10:39] Todo**
And we were getting all excited.
**[10:41] Oso**
So you're not gonna go?
Even though they're this cute?
**[10:44] Oso**
Are you sure? It's 500 yen!
**[10:46] Oso**
Think about it, you idiot!
**[10:49] Choro**
Idiot?
**[10:53] Choro**
* C-C-C-Calm down, Choromatsu.*
* They are just rentals...*
**[10:58] Choro**
* They're not real girlfriends.*
* There's no reason to be so nervous.*
**[11:01] Iyayo**
Sorry I'm late!
***SIGN*** Thump
**[11:03] Choro**
*She's here!*
**[11:04] Choro**
N-Nice to meet you...
**[11:08] Choro**
I'm M-M-Matsu-Matsuno Ch-Choroma...
**[11:19] Choro**
Wh-Wha...
**[11:21] Choro**
What?!
**[11:24] Choro**
* She's unbelievable in person!*
* She's no rental girlfriend...*
**[11:26] Choro**
*She's a rental goddess!*
**[11:34] Choro**
*Wh-What is this? She's obviously first-string!*
**[11:39] Choro**
*Am I really allowed to date someone this hot?*
**[11:43] Iyami**
* He's totally fooled. Me is going to*
* wring everything he has out of him.*
**[11:48] Choro**
U-Um, h-h-h-hello...
**[11:51] Iyami**
Hi, zansu.
**[11:52] Choro**
Huh?
**[11:54] Choro**
Zansu?
**[11:56] Iyami**
*C-Crap! My habit...*
**[11:59] Iyami**
U-U-U-Um, Zan... Isn't
Zan-Zangief super strong?
**[12:05] Choro**
Zangief? You mean from Street Fighter?
**[12:08] Iya**
Huh? Y-Yes...
**[12:09] Choro**
* What's with this lady? She's this hot,*
* but she's talking about Zangief?*
**[12:16] Choro**
*She's perfect! I think I'm falling for her!*
**[12:21] Iya**
U-Um...
**[12:23] Iya**
What kind of date would you like today?
**[12:25] Choro**
Ah, um...
**[12:28] Choro**
How about a movie?
**[12:29] Iya**
Yay! I'd love that!
**[12:31] Choro**
Thank goodness!
**[12:33] Iya**
*Hmph... We're just getting started.*
**[12:37] Choro**
*This is amazing! It's like a dream!*
**[12:39] Chor O**
*500 yen an hour for this is too cheap!*
**[12:42] Choro**
*Rental girlfriends are awesome!*
***SIGN*** Ra Theater
***SIGN*** A love story that happened three times in thirty-three years
***SIGN*** Three Days
**[12:46] Choro**
This is it.
**[12:48] Choro**
Let's go, Iyayo-chan.
**[12:49] Iya**
Um...
**[12:51] Iya**
Shall we talk about optional
fees before we go in?
**[12:54] Choro**
Huh? What are those?
**[12:55] Iya**
Rental Girlfriends offer various services,
**[12:58] Iya**
and each comes at a fee.
**[13:01] Iya**
Since we held hands just now,
there's a fee for that...
**[13:05] Choro**
Oh... I see. How much is it?
**[13:09] Iya**
100 yen.
**[13:10] Choro**
100 yen? Sure, that's no problem.
**[13:12] Choro**
I'll pay that.
**[13:13] Iyami**
Also, 50 yen every time our eyes
meet times 38, which is 1,900 yen.
**[13:17] Iyami**
Being nice to others is 800 yen. Staring at my
bare legs is 1,000 yen and times 6 is 6,000 yen.
**[13:22] Iya**
Glancing at my boobs is 1,000
yen times 296 is 296,000 yen.
**[13:26] Iya**
A memory of something you'll probably
never experience is 250,000, so...
**[13:30] Iya**
That brings the total to 554,800 yen.
**[13:33] Choro**
*What?!*
**[13:36] Iya**
That was so much fun. Thank you for today.
**[13:39] Iya**
I'm glad you were my boyfriend,
Choromatsu. See you again!
**[13:46] Choro**
*Sh-Sh-She called me her boyfriend!*
**[13:52] Choro**
I think I'm actually in love with her!
**[13:55] Todo**
Chibimi-chan, I won't buy you anything
else, no matter how cute you act.
**[13:58] Todo**
You're just a rental girlfriend, after all.
**[14:01] Chimi**
Hey, Totty. That bag is so cute.
**[14:05] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:07] Chibi**
I want those shoes!
**[14:08] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:10] Chibi**
This is too much trouble,
so just give me your wallet.
**[14:13] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:15] Chibi**
Teehee.
**[14:17] Chibi**
*This is so easy, you idjit, damn it.*
**[14:21] Kara**
I'll just say this...
**[14:23] Kara**
Now that you're dating me, you're not
gonna get away with just being a rental.
**[14:27] Iya**
The fee for putting up with
painful lines is 800,000 yen.
**[14:31] Iya**
But you're so cool, Karamatsu-kun,
so I'll make it 790,000 yen.
**[14:40] Kara**
The gears of love have begun to turn!
**[14:45] Chibi**
Hey, why don't we drink a bit closer?
**[14:48] Chibi**
It's only a 1,000 yen every
centimeter you move closer.
**[14:51] Ichi**
No... I don't have any more money...
***SIGN*** Receipt Price of Breathing the Same Air in a Confined Space 10,000 yen per minute
**[15:13] Jyu**
I can't anymore!
**[15:18] Oso**
All right, this is all of it.
**[15:20] Oso**
So... can we do the thing you promised now?
**[15:29] Oso**
She smelled so good! It was only
an instant, but she smelled so good!
**[15:35] Oso**
So, Chibimi-chan... How about you become
my real girlfriend rather than a rental...
**[15:43] Oso**
She was so cute...
**[15:47] Iya**
We got our revenge!
**[15:49] Chibi**
We're going too far.
**[15:50] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit!
**[15:52] Oso**
Iyayo-chan!
**[15:55] Chibi**
They're totally hooked.
**[15:57] Iya**
You came to see us again?
**[15:59] Chibi**
What kind of date would you like?
**[16:01] Oso**
W-Well... We don't have any more money,
so we were hoping we could just talk...
**[16:08] Todo**
Wait!
**[16:10] Iyami**
*If you're broke...*
**[16:11] Chibi**
*...we have no use for you, idjits.*
**[16:16] Toto**
Hey, guys!
**[16:18] Toto**
Look! I'm trying out a crustacean look this time!
**[16:23] Toto**
I'm a mantis shrimp!
**[16:26] Toto**
Huh? Why aren't you complimenting me?
**[16:29] Oso**
Totoko-chan, we don't have
time for that right now...
**[16:31] Choro**
Iyayo-chan!
**[16:32] Ichi**
Chibimi, it's me!
**[16:33] Kara**
I would die for you!
**[16:34] Jyu**
Iyayo... I can't get enough of Iyayo!
**[16:36] Todo**
I want to go on a date with Chibimi-chan!
**[16:37] Oso**
Give me Chibimi!
**[16:44] Toto**
I'm done with you.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[16:49] Iya**
We should enjoy ourselves this way, too...
**[16:52] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit...
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[16:59] Chibi**
What the hell is going on?!
**[17:00] Iyami**
Something's wrong! We just took the drug!
**[17:05] Deka**
*I think your bodies have built up a resistance.*
**[17:07] Deka**
* The time the drug will*
* work on you will get shorter.*
**[17:13] Chibi**
Well, I guess it's time to call it off.
We did make a fortune.
**[17:16] Iyami**
Indeed.
**[17:17] Oso**
Iyayo-chan! Chibimi-chan!
**[17:21] Oso**
There they are!
**[17:22] Oso**
Hey, let's go on a date again!
**[17:24] Iya**
Sorry, but Rental Girlfriends is closed.
**[17:27] Six**
What?! No!
**[17:29] Chibi**
Besides, you guys don't have
any money left, right?
**[17:33] Oso**
Actually...
**[17:35] Oso**
We do.
**[17:38] Oso**
Jyushimatsu.
**[17:39] Jyu**
Right!
**[17:40] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:42] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:43] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:44] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:46] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:47] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:48] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:48] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:49] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:49] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:50] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:50] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:50] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:50] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:51] Iyami**
*The hell?!*
**[17:51] Chibi**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:51] Iyami**
*The hell?!*
**[17:53] Iyami**
Wh-What is...
**[17:55] Chibi**
What's going on?
**[17:57] Oso**
We worked!
**[18:00] Choro**
Working is great.
**[18:02] Todo**
Working is wonderful.
***SIGN*** For Various Reasons, We Can't Show the Work They're Doing Here.
**[18:06] Ichi**
People need goals in their lives.
**[18:09] Oso**
Thank you both. I mean, because
we wanted to do pervy things...
**[18:13] Oso**
I mean...
**[18:14] Oso**
Because we wanted to date you two,
we all graduated from being NEETs.
**[18:18] Iya**
* M-Me has clearly underestimated*
* the resolve of virgins.*
**[18:21] Chibi**
* Getting this much money in*
* so little time is impossible!*
**[18:26] Chibi**
Wh-What are we going to do?
**[18:27] Iya**
We're going to date them.
**[18:28] Chbi**
What?! But the drug's effect...
**[18:30] Iya**
This is our chance!
**[18:32] Iya**
If we make it work, we won't
have to work for a while!
**[18:37] Iya**
Me and you can do this.
**[18:42] Oso**
All right, let's all have a fun night together!
**[18:46] Oso**
Cheers!
**[18:47] All**
Cheers!
**[18:50] Kara**
A toast to your eyes.
**[19:02] Jyu**
Change seats! Change seats!
**[19:05] Oso**
Wait, this is messed up!
**[19:07] Iyami**
*This was actually pretty easy...*
**[19:10] Chibi**
*There was nothing to worry about.*
**[19:14] Iya**
* Me is gonna take them for all they're*
* worth and high-tail it to France!*
**[19:23] Chibi**
*Iyami?*
**[19:24] Iya**
Sheeh!
**[19:27] Choro**
What's the matter, Iyayo-chan?
**[19:29] Iyami**
*B-But I just took the...*
**[19:30] Iyami**
Are you not feeling well?
**[19:31] Chibi**
Did you get something in your
throat? Here, drink this.
**[19:39] Kara**
You've got some stardust on your lips.
**[19:41] Iya**
Huh?
**[19:42] Kra**
Don't move.
**[19:47] Kara**
Huh? Whiskers?!
**[19:48] Chibi**
No, no! They're just crumbs!
**[19:50] Iya**
Sheeh—
**[19:54] Iya**
...ke it, my baby! Shake it, my baby!
**[19:56] Oso**
Iyayo-chan? Everyone's staring...
**[20:00] Iya**
*We've reached our limit! We need to flee!*
**[20:03] Chibi**
*Right! Let's make a run for it, you idjit!*
**[20:10] Iya**
Chibimi!
**[20:12] Chibi**
Ah...
**[20:13] Todo**
H-Huh?!
**[20:16] Choro**
What's wrong, Totty?
**[20:17] Todo**
Why?!
**[20:21] Oso**
Wait, what? A power outage?
**[20:22] Iya**
I'm scared! I'm going home!
**[20:24] Choro**
What? You're going home?!
**[20:25] Kara**
Why so suddenly?
**[20:26] Jyu**
Let's dance some more!
**[20:27] Chibi**
I'm going home, too.
**[20:29] Ichi**
Huh? But you still have some juice left.
**[20:30] Todo**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[20:46] Iya**
U-Um... This is...
**[20:48] Chibi**
Y-You've got the wrong idea, y-y-you idjits...
**[21:00] Iyami**
Let us out!
**[21:02] Chibi**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[21:05] Ichi**
Do you want to rent the key?
**[21:06] Iya**
Yes!
**[21:07] Ichi**
100,000 yen.
**[21:09] Iya**
All right!
**[21:10] Five**
Thank you, come again.
**[21:13] Chibi**
Hey, this key doesn't fit, you idjit!
**[21:15] Ichi**
Oh. That's a key for a music box.
**[21:17] Chibi**
You asshole!
**[21:18] Iya**
The key to the cage!
We'll rent the key to the cage!
**[21:22] Ichi**
Five million yen.
**[21:23] Iya**
Five mil— A-All right!
**[21:26] Chibi**
Hey! Hurry up and give it to us!
**[21:28] Ichi**
Could we get your thumb print first?
***SIGN*** Receipt Key Rental Fee
**[21:31] Iyami**
The price went up!
**[21:33] Chibi**
Fine! Hurry up and hand it over!
**[21:35] Five**
Thank you, come again.
**[21:36] Ichi**
We need your damn thumb print first!
**[23:15] Lady**
*And now, the winner*
**[23:17] Lady**
*of this year's Miss Beauty Japan is...*
**[23:24] Lady**
*Miss Tokyo!*
**[23:28] Guy**
*Miss Beauty Japan, how do you feel right now?*
**[23:33] Miss**
*To be chosen as the winner*
**[23:36] Miss**
*is such an honor...*
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:43] Ichi**
This is Ichiimatsu. The next
episode basically looks like this.
**[23:46] Ichi**
It's one that'll remind us of our shitty reality.
***SIGN*** "Christmas Osomatsu-san"
# E11 - Christmas Osomatsu-san
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6Q4Q31PR/christmas-osomatsu-san)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Merry Xmas
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[00:21] Mom**
Dear...
**[00:22] Dad**
This is bad. The mental degradation
of having nothing to do
**[00:25] Dad**
on Christmas Eve has spread to their bodies.
**[00:27] Todo**
Merry... Merry Christmas...
**[00:30] Jyu**
Merry Grizmaurgh...
**[00:32] Choro**
Christmachu! Christmachu!
**[00:34] Kara**
Merry, merry, merry!
**[00:41] Todo**
Want some cake?
**[00:45] Jyu**
So sweet...
**[00:48] Ichi**
I-I-It's so sweet...
**[00:51] Chro**
Cake! Christmachu cake!
**[00:53] Oso**
Sweet! Sweety sweet! Sweet! Sweet!
**[00:54] Dad**
They're monsters...
**[00:59] Todo**
Christmas Osomatsu-san...
**[01:02] Five**
...is about to start!
**[01:09] Dad**
That's just wrong.
***SIGN*** "Black Santa"
**[02:42] Girl**
That was delicious.
**[02:43] Guy**
Really?
**[02:44] Guy**
Then let's go to that restaurant
again next Christmas.
**[02:47] Girl**
Yeah.
**[03:00] Ichi**
Good evening.
**[03:03] Ichi**
Uh, good evening.
**[03:05] Guy**
Oh, g-good evening...
**[03:16] Girl**
Who is that?
**[03:17] Guy**
I have no idea.
**[03:23] Girl**
He's sitting next to us!
**[03:24] Ichi**
Man, it's cold, isn't it?
**[03:28] Ichi**
Uh, it's cold, isn't it?
**[03:30] Guy**
Y-Yes...
**[03:41] Guy**
Um...
**[03:41] Ichi**
You on a date?
**[03:42] Guy**
Pardon?
**[03:43] Ichi**
Are you on a date?
**[03:46] Guy**
Yes...
**[03:46] Ichi**
I see.
**[03:58] Guy**
Um—
**[03:59] Ichi**
You two look good together.
**[04:01] Guy**
Huh? Oh.
**[04:03] Both**
Thank you.
**[04:16] Ichi**
You dumbass, I'll kill you.
**[04:23] Ichi**
And? What are your plans after this?
**[04:25] Guy**
Huh? Um... We haven't really decided.
**[04:28] Ichi**
Going home, then?
**[04:31] Guy**
What should we do?
**[04:33] Girl**
I'm not sure.
**[04:34] Guy**
Is it almost time for the last train?
**[04:37] Girl**
Yeah.
**[04:38] Guy**
Do you have to get up early tomorrow?
**[04:40] Girl**
No, I have the day off.
**[04:42] Guy**
Oh, I see...
**[04:50] Guy**
Wanna spend the ni—
**[04:52] Girl**
What in the world?!
**[04:53] Guy**
Spontaneous human combustion!
**[04:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Picked Up by a Girl"
**[05:06] Kara**
*My name is Karamatsu.*
**[05:08] Kara**
* I'm a guy who doesn't panic even if he*
* doesn't have a girlfriend on Christmas.*
**[05:12] Kara**
* There's no point in love*
* if you have to compromise.*
**[05:14] Kara**
*I will not be swayed by society.*
**[05:18] Kara**
*I will live alone.*
**[05:19] Kara**
*I will not falter.*
**[05:21] Girl**
Um...
**[05:24] Girl**
I'm sorry this is rather sudden,
but are you free right now?
**[05:28] Kara**
*So you've come, Karamatsu girls.*
**[05:30] Kara**
*Now, will this encounter...*
**[05:33] Kara**
*grow into true love?*
**[05:38] Suit**
That'll be 860,000 yen.
**[05:41] ---**
My God, that's high!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[05:49] Totoko**
* Christmas... It is a day of miracles,*
* when Santa grants your wish.*
**[05:54] Toto**
* I don't want any money.*
* I don't even want a boyfriend.*
**[05:57] Toto**
*Yes, all you need is*
**[05:59] Toto**
* an unwavering heart that believes*
* that a miracle will happen.*
***SIGN*** Way Too Sweet!! Fujioya
**[06:08] Toto**
Would you like to try our Christmas cakes?
**[06:10] Toto**
They're cheap! How about it?
**[06:17] Toto**
*I guess I'm alone again this year.*
**[06:19] Toto**
*I guess Santa just doesn't...*
**[06:22] Choro**
Totoko-san.
**[06:24] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun?
**[06:28] Toto**
What brings you here?
**[06:30] Choro**
What brings me here? Why, I came to see you.
**[06:34] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:36] Choro**
Sorry, I should have realized.
**[06:39] Choro**
You're probably cold.
**[06:41] Toto**
Th-Thank you.
**[06:44] Toto**
*It smells so nice.*
**[06:46] Choro**
There's something I wanted to show you.
**[06:48] Toto**
Huh? What's that?
**[06:51] Choro**
Here we go.
**[06:57] Toto**
Wh-What is this doing here?
**[06:59] Choro**
I made it.
**[07:00] Toto**
You made it?!
**[07:01] Choro**
Yes.
**[07:03] Choro**
I made this light display for you.
**[07:07] Toto**
* Nothing less from the beauty genius!*
* He can create a light display easily!*
**[07:11] Jyu**
Choromatsu-niisan.
No fair getting the jump on us.
**[07:15] Toto**
J-Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[07:18] Jyu**
Good evening, Princess.
**[07:20] Toto**
Huh?
**[07:21] Jyu**
Well, let's climb up.
**[07:22] Toto**
Climb?
**[07:26] Toto**
*I've never done anything like this.*
**[07:28] Toto**
* I'm actually climbing up*
* a light display right now.*
**[07:32] Jyu**
Look.
**[07:33] Toto**
Wow, it's so pretty!
**[07:36] Jyu**
It's too early to be surprised.
**[07:38] Jyu**
Take a look at that building.
**[07:39] Toto**
Huh?
**[07:40] Jyu**
Here we go!
***SIGN*** I Like You
***SIGN*** I Like You
**[07:44] Toto**
This is...
**[07:45] Jyu**
That's not all!
***SIGN*** Love
***SIGN*** I Love You
**[07:50] Toto**
You're kidding...
**[07:51] Jyu**
And...
**[07:54] Toto**
Wha... What?!
**[07:57] Jyu**
And now for the finale!
**[08:07] Toto**
What?! How did you do that?!
**[08:10] Jyu**
Merry Christmas.
**[08:11] Toto**
No, seriously, how did you do that?!
**[08:14] Toto**
*This isn't good.*
**[08:16] Toto**
*This really isn't good.*
**[08:17] Jyu**
Hey, what do you wanna do next?
**[08:19] Choro**
Let's see...
**[08:24] Toto**
It's jam-packed...
**[08:27] Kara**
Looks like it's my turn.
**[08:30] Toto**
K-Karamatsu-kun?
**[08:32] Kara**
Hey, Ugly.
**[08:33] Toto**
Wha—
**[08:34] Kara**
Hold this.
**[08:35] Toto**
Wai—
**[08:37] Toto**
This is the dress I've been
wanting for a while now...
**[08:41] Kara**
Hey, you assholes!
**[08:42] ---**
Huh?
**[08:43] Kara**
You're gonna have to die.
**[08:45] Guys**
Huh?
**[08:50] Kara**
Merry!
**[08:51] Kara**
Merry!
**[08:53] Kara**
Christmas!
**[09:02] Kara**
I cleared the way so you can get through.
**[09:04] Toto**
*H-He's so nice!*
**[09:10] Toto**
* And so I ended up being driven*
* out by Emperor Whatshisname.*
**[09:15] Ichi**
Hey.
**[09:17] Toto**
I-Ichimatsu-kun?
**[09:20] Ichi**
Over here.
**[09:24] Toto**
Thanks, Ichimatsu-kun. You saved me.
**[09:28] Ichi**
No problem.
**[09:30] Toto**
Huh?
**[09:32] Ichi**
It's warmer this way.
**[09:39] Ichi**
Merry Christmas.
**[09:43] Toto**
* And so I ended up going to*
* dinner with Osomatsu-kun.*
**[09:47] Oso**
A lot happened today, Totoko-chan.
**[09:50] Oso**
And what's about to happen is
my Christmas present to you.
**[09:57] Toto**
Huh?
**[09:58] Toto**
Snow? You can make it snow, Osomatsu-kun?
**[10:02] Oso**
Well, I am Santa.
**[10:04] Toto**
I never knew!
**[10:07] Oso**
Totoko-chan.
**[10:11] Oso**
Merry Christmas.
**[10:16] Toto**
* And when I got home, there was*
* one more Santa waiting for me.*
**[10:21] Todo**
Merry Christmas!
**[10:24] Todo**
Well, let's go!
**[10:25] Toto**
Huh?
**[10:26] Toto**
Huh?!
**[10:29] Toto**
* I've never experienced this before...*
* I'm flying through the sky!*
**[10:33] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu.
**[10:35] Oso**
She's my bride.
**[10:37] Kara**
No, she's mine.
**[10:38] Choro**
She is my fiancée.
**[10:40] Ichi**
She's my little lady.
**[10:41] Jyu**
My wife!
**[10:44] Todo**
Oh, all right. Just for tonight,
she belongs to all of us.
**[10:59] Toto**
*We went on from there*
***SIGN*** Love Hotel
**[11:03] Toto**
*to destroy every love hotel in town.*
**[11:07] Toto**
*Christmas... It is a day of miracles.*
**[11:12] Toto**
*Anything can happen.*
***SIGN*** "Exchanging Presents"
**[11:23] Oso**
All right, so...
**[11:25] Oso**
We will now begin the 2015
Matsuno Family Christmas Party.
**[11:30] Oso**
Merry Christmas, everyone.
**[11:33] Four**
Merry... Christmas...
**[11:33] Four**
Merry... Christmas...
**[11:35] Choro**
What kind of mood is this?
**[11:37] Choro**
If we're not into it,
we don't have to do it.
**[11:38] Oso**
All right, let's exchange presents. Take 'em out.
**[11:42] Kara**
Okay.
**[11:43] Both**
Okay.
**[11:45] Oso**
All right, let's pass them around. Ready, and...
**[11:47] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:51] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:54] Choro**
Seriously, what's with this mood?
**[11:55] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:58] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:02] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:04] Choro**
Who is this party even for?
**[12:06] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:09] Oso**
All right, did everyone get
a different one? I got...
**[12:12] Oso**
Ugh, Jyushimatsu. I bet it's just junk.
***SIGN*** Jyushi
**[12:16] Todo**
Aw, man. I got Choromatsu-niisan's. So lame.
**[12:19] Choro**
Hey.
**[12:20] Jyu**
I got Ichimatsu-niisan's.
I wonder if it's a bomb.
**[12:23] Kara**
I got Totty's. I'm safe.
**[12:25] Choro**
I got Osomatsu-niisan...
What about you, Ichimatsu?
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[12:30] Ichi**
God... Oh, God...
**[12:33] Choro**
That's too bad.
**[12:34] Oso**
All right, let's open them all at once.
**[12:36] Oso**
Ready, and...
**[12:38] All**
Go.
**[12:42] Choro**
What... is this?
**[12:49] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[12:53] Iyami**
Matches... Do you need any matches?
They burn really well.
***SIGN*** The Little Match Iyami
**[13:00] Iyami**
Do you need any matches?
**[13:02] Iaymi**
Matches from France,
only 1,900 yen! A great deal!
**[13:05] Iyami**
Please buy some!
**[13:10] Iaymi**
If you don't buy them,
me is going to starve to death.
**[13:13] Iyami**
You'll be left full of guilt. Buy them!
**[13:19] Iyami**
Me is going to die! Are you okay with that?!
**[13:23] Iyami**
Me is going to die! Oh, me is going to die.
**[13:25] Iyami**
Me is going to die!
**[13:30] Iyami**
The world is so cold.
Me is suffering so much, and yet...
***SIGN*** These Are Matches
**[13:36] Iyami**
These are meant to be sold, but...
**[13:39] Iyami**
Ah... So warm.
**[13:54] Old**
Merry Christmas, my boy.
**[13:57] Old**
Merry Christmas.
**[13:58] Old**
This is all for you, my boy.
**[14:01] Old**
Enjoy it all!
**[14:04] Dayon**
I will!
**[14:09] Old**
No! Save us!
**[14:11] Old**
Oh, God!
**[14:18] Iyami**
Sheeh!
**[14:20] Oso**
Shut up!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Love"
***SIGN*** Open Year-Round
Super-Duper Cheap
***SIGN*** Roast Turkey
***SIGN*** 40% Off!
***SIGN*** Ero MAX
**[16:04] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Santa"
**[16:20] Oso**
Jyushimatsu's waiting for Santa again...
**[16:23] Oso**
He's done this ever since he was a kid.
**[16:26] Todo**
It's definitely not cute, is it?
**[16:28] Choro**
No, it's not. It's really bad for a guy over twenty.
**[16:30] Oso**
Ichimatsu, could you nonchalantly put
his present in, like you usually do?
**[16:34] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[16:47] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:50] Five**
What?
**[16:51] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:52] Todo**
Yeah, yeah. It's cold. Shut the window.
**[16:54] Jyu**
He's here!
**[16:55] Kara**
It's cold.
**[16:56] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:57] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu.
**[16:58] Jyu**
Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!
**[17:01] Oso**
Shut up!
**[17:03] Five**
Now he's actually saying he's seen him.
**[17:05] Five**
This isn't good.
**[17:06] Fiive**
Not at all.
**[17:25] Jyu**
I caught him!
**[17:26] Choro**
You wanted to catch him?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[17:33] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[17:35] Chibi**
You hate Christmas?
***SIGN*** "Christmas Drinking"
**[17:37] Chibi**
Oh, please. You guys used to
love it when you were kids.
**[17:41] Chibi**
You're just jealous because
you don't have girlfriends.
**[17:43] Chibi**
I can't believe you're irritated
just because of that.
***SIGN*** Killer Super Hot
Habanero
Instant Death Powder
**[17:45] Chibi**
Jeez.
**[17:46] Chibi**
Talk about pathetic. You idjits.
**[17:48] Choro**
Uh, you seem more irritated
than anyone, Chibita.
**[17:51] Choro**
What is this hellish hot pot?
I can only feel hatred from it.
**[17:53] Chibi**
Y'all should just die, you idjits!
**[17:55] Jyu**
So hot!
***SIGN*** Oden
**[17:56] Oso**
Chibita, introduce us to someone.
**[17:59] Chibi**
Huh?
**[17:59] Oso**
Hey, don't you have anyone
you're interested in, Chibita?
**[18:02] Chibi**
O-Of course I don't, you idjit.
**[18:04] Chibi**
Oden is my life. You might as well say
oden is my girlfriend, you idjit.
**[18:07] Oso**
He actually said oden is his
girlfriend. That's not good.
**[18:10] Choro**
What about you, Totty?
**[18:11] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:12] Choro**
You know, those girls you met at
Sutabaa. Have you heard from them?
**[18:16] Todo**
They haven't sent me a Line back since.
**[18:18] Ichi**
Huh. Why's that?
**[18:20] Todo**
Why?! You really have the
nerve to ask me that?
**[18:23] Todo**
What was that face?!
What kind of emotion was that?!
**[18:25] Choro**
Well, you know, we don't really
need girlfriends right now.
**[18:28] Choro**
It's actually more fun drinking
with just us guys—
**[18:31] Both**
There it is!
**[18:32] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:33] Oso**
There it is.
**[18:34] Todo**
Yup.
**[18:35] Choro**
What?
**[18:36] Oso**
That's the scariest logic
you can have, Cherrymatsu.
**[18:39] Choro**
Cherrymatsu?
**[18:40] Oso**
It's more fun with just us guys?
**[18:41] Oso**
What?! Of course it's not.
**[18:43] Todo**
Don't you always want to be with girls?
Don't you always want to talk to them?
**[18:46] Todo**
Don't you always want them to
touch you and to touch them?
**[18:51] Choro**
Sorry.
**[18:52] Oso**
Be more careful, you idiot.
**[18:53] Todo**
Idiot.
**[18:54] Choro**
Idiot? Come on...
**[18:55] Oso**
Man, I'm definitely going to spend this
time next year with my girlfriend.
**[18:59] Todo**
Definitely next year.
**[19:00] Kara**
Yeah, next year.
**[19:01] Jyu**
Next year! Next year!
**[19:03] Ichi**
Next life. Next life.
**[19:06] Choro**
Yeah.
**[19:08] Chibi**
Uh...
**[19:09] Chibi**
That's probably not happening.
**[19:10] Six**
Huh?
**[19:11] Chibi**
You guys are all unemployed,
not to mention broke.
**[19:15] Chibi**
How are you going to get
girlfriends, you idjits?
**[19:16] Oso**
No, no, Chibita-kun. It's not
money that makes the man.
**[19:19] Todo**
You're so superficial.
**[19:21] Jyu**
Chibita, what's important is what's on the inside.
**[19:23] Chibi**
Where did you learn that, Jyushimatsu?!
**[19:32] Hata**
Merry Christmas, dajo. Merry Christmas, dajo.
**[19:41] Hata**
We're going to Finland, jo.
**[19:43] Girls**
Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag!
**[19:53] Jyu**
Yeah, it's the money.
**[19:54] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[20:00] Six**
Please! Date us!
***SIGN*** "Groveling"
**[20:04] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[20:06] Six**
Please! Date us!
**[20:07] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[20:09] Six**
Please date us!
**[20:10] Toto**
Please go home!
**[20:11] Six**
Date us!
**[20:11] Toto**
Go home!
**[20:12] Six**
Date us!
**[20:13] Toto**
Go home!
**[20:13] Six**
Date!
**[20:14] Toto**
Get the hell out!
**[20:17] Dad**
They're at it again this year.
**[20:19] Mom**
It's definitely Christmas.
**[20:24] Oso**
Totoko-chan, is there really no chance?
**[20:27] Toto**
No.
**[20:27] Oso**
Why?
**[20:29] Toto**
I appreciate the sentiment.
**[20:30] Toto**
But I really don't think it's feasible,
considering it's six to one.
**[20:34] Todo**
I see...
**[20:35] Todo**
Then we'll beat the crap out of each other,
and the one that's left standing...
**[20:40] Toto**
That's not going to work, either.
**[20:46] Kara**
Totoko-chan, I'll give you an amazing present.
**[20:49] Toto**
I'll take the present.
**[20:51] Ichi**
I'll pay you.
**[20:52] Toto**
I'll take the money.
**[20:53] Jyu**
What else do you want us to do?
**[20:54] Toto**
I'd like for you to go home.
**[20:55] Choro**
Just what's wrong with us?
**[20:57] Toto**
Get a clue.
**[20:57] Choro**
Oh, that we're unemployed?
**[20:59] Toto**
Feel it.
**[20:59] Choro**
That we're virgins?
**[21:07] Oso**
It's no use.
**[21:10] Oso**
I guess there's only one last thing we can do.
**[21:12] Todo**
Yup. I guess so.
**[21:15] Six**
Please! At least take a picture with
us that looks like we went on a date!
**[21:19] Toto**
Please! I don't want to create a false reality!
**[21:21] Six**
Please! Take a picture with us!
**[21:23] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[21:25] Six**
A picture!
**[21:25] Toto**
Go home!
**[21:26] Six**
Picture!
**[21:27] Toto**
Get the hell out!
***SIGN*** Dayon Counseling Room
**[23:06] Nar**
*The Dayon Counseling Room.*
**[23:08] Nar**
* This is a secret counseling room where*
* the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"*
* *
**[23:13] Nar**
*express how they really feel.*
**[23:16] Kara**
I'm coming in.
***SIGN*** This Week's Client Karamatsu
**[23:23] Kara**
This year is finally coming to a close.
**[23:25] Kara**
We're about to go into our second cour,
but there's something I'd like to discuss.
**[23:29] Kara**
When we start our second cour,
**[23:31] Kara**
I implore you, just a tiny bit would be fine,
so could we treat me a little bet—
**[23:39] Kara**
We're getting comments from
people who feel sorry for me!
***SIGN*** End
# E12 - Year-End Special-san
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYWE2K3KY/year-end-special-san)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Year-End Special-san"
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[01:59] Oso**
Heya! Osomatsu here!
**[02:01] Oso**
Man, it's so cold every day.
**[02:05] Oso**
What? You're kidding!
**[02:06] Oso**
You were waiting around naked?
**[02:08] Oso**
You're gonna catch a cold! You okay?
**[02:10] Toto**
Hey, wait a sec.
**[02:12] Oso**
Ah, Totoko-chan!
**[02:14] Toto**
What is this? What happened
with today's broadcast?
**[02:17] Oso**
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention this.
**[02:19] Oso**
Sorry!
**[02:21] Toto**
Jeez, you really can't do anything right.
**[02:25] Oso**
You see, today's "Osomatsu-san" is a special.
**[02:28] Toto**
A special?
**[02:30] Oso**
Yup! It's a special episode for the end of the year.
**[02:33] Oso**
We're gonna look back on the broadcast so far
**[02:35] Oso**
and decide which one of us
sextuplets is the biggest loser.
**[02:38] Oso**
We call it...
***SIGN*** Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)
**[02:39] Oso**
"Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)."
**[02:42] Toto**
Wow! NEETs! NEETs!
**[02:44] Toto**
Virgins! You bunch of good-for-nothings!
**[02:47] Oso**
Uh, isn't that a bit harsh, Totoko-chan?
**[02:49] Oso**
Though you're super cute,
so I'm not mad at all.
**[02:52] Oso**
Now, we've gathered all of our
most terrible scenes, so let's watch.
**[02:56] Oso**
We'll start with the eldest brother, me!
**[02:58] Toto**
Start!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[03:05] Iyami**
Oh, is that you, Osomatsu?
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[03:07] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu.
**[03:08] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[03:09] Iya**
What's that smell?
Have you been drinking already?
**[03:12] Iya**
You sextuplets are such failures, as always.
**[03:16] Oso**
Say, Iyami. I'd like to discuss something
with you, as a trusted friend.
**[03:20] Iya**
What's this about?
**[03:23] Oso**
We six are facing the greatest
dilemma of our lives right now.
**[03:29] Iya**
Is there something me can do for you?
**[03:31] Oso**
Could you lend us some cash?
**[03:33] Iya**
What are you going to use it for?
**[03:36] Iya**
Stop messing around!
**[03:40] Iya**
Stop that!
**[03:41] Iya**
What's wrong with you?!
You stupid yakuza sextuplets!
**[03:44] Oso**
Hmph. No more screen time for you.
**[03:47] Todo**
Demon! Brute!
**[03:48] Todo**
You man of good character!
You wealthy fellow!
**[03:50] Iya**
Why did you compliment me at the end?
**[03:52] Iyami**
For crying out loud... Everyone
spoiled you all when you were young,
**[03:55] Iyami**
so you've grown up to be terrible monsters.
**[03:59] Nya**
Thanks, nyaan!
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[04:02] Choro**
*Th-The time is finally at hand.
Calm down, Choromatsu.*
**[04:05] Choro**
*You've only got twenty seconds.*
***SIGN*** Let's Shake Hands, Nyan
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyan
**[04:08] Choro**
* You saved up all the money that*
* you earned just for this moment!*
**[04:12] Choro**
*Start with your thoughts on the new single.*
***SIGN*** Nyaa Photobook
**[04:14] Choro**
* Nonchalantly mention that you've*
* reserved her new photobook,*
***SIGN*** Reserved
**[04:16] Choro**
* and throw your Twitter*
* handle into the conversation.*
**[04:18] Choro**
*Do* not *be pushy!*
**[04:20] Choro**
* Act appropriately distant,*
* unlike all those other fans.*
**[04:23] Choro**
*Make her feel like you really get her!*
**[04:25] Choro**
* Yes! Make her feel like you*
* really understand her stress.*
**[04:29] Choro**
*There's nothing to fear! My plan is perfect!*
**[04:32] Oso**
Whatcha doin'?
**[04:33] Choro**
An accident has occurred!
**[04:34] Oso**
Huh... Didn't know you were into this stuff.
**[04:36] Choro**
Wh-Wh-What are you doing
here, Osomatsu-niisan?!
**[04:39] Oso**
Her face is pretty plain, isn't it?
**[04:41] Oso**
Like one you'd see in class.
**[04:42] Choro**
Hey!
**[04:43] Oso**
A photo is 1,000 yen? So expensive!
***SIGN*** Photo Op 1,000 Yen
**[04:45] Choro**
Don't say that!
**[04:46] Oso**
I love you, Reika!
**[04:48] Oso**
Who the hell is Reika?! You're too random!
**[04:50] Dasu**
Next in line, please.
**[04:52] Choro**
Oh, coming!
**[04:54] Choro**
Sorry, some weird guy wouldn't stop talking to m—
**[04:56] Oso**
Nice to meet you. The name's Matsuno Osomatsu.
**[04:57] Choro**
Hey!
**[04:59] Oso**
Thanks for taking such good
care of my little brother.
**[05:01] Choro**
Why are *you* shaking her hand?!
**[05:02] Oso**
He's a really good guy, so would you
have s** with him at least once?
**[05:08] Choro**
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don't say "s**"!
**[05:11] Choro**
I'm so sorry, Nyaa-chan!
**[05:12] Oso**
Wait. Should you be saying "s**"
in front of the person you like?
**[05:15] Choro**
*You're* the one saying "s°°"!
**[05:17] Oso**
What? Did I say "s**"?
Did I really say "s**"?
**[05:21] Choro**
You just want to say "s**," don't you?!
**[05:25] Oso**
S**.
**[05:26] Choro**
Don't say it so casually!
**[05:27] Oso**
Then how about ****?
**[05:28] Choro**
Shut up!
**[05:29] Oso**
What about ****?
**[05:30] Choro**
Shut your mouth!
**[05:31] Oso**
Then how about she **** your
***** and then **** and ****?
**[05:35] Choro**
Just get out of the way!
**[05:36] Choro**
Nya... Nyaa-chan...
**[05:39] Deka**
Time's up.
**[05:45] Oso**
Whoa! He totally hit me!
**[05:48] Choro**
Get out of here.
**[05:49] Choro**
From this day onward,
you are a stranger to me.
***SIGN*** From Episode 6: "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[06:00] Oso**
Iyami.
**[06:02] Hata**
Iyami, I went on another hundred-time
shrine pilgrimage for you, jo.
**[06:06] Hata**
So something good should happen, jo.
**[06:09] Iyami**
Shut up!
**[06:10] Oso**
Hey, that wasn't necessary!
**[06:15] Iyami**
That hurt! How dare you do that to me
when me just came back from France...
**[06:20] Iyami**
M-My teeth grew back! Me has teeth!
**[06:22] Oso**
Oh, I get it!
**[06:24] Oso**
Your teeth grow out when
you're hit on the head.
**[06:27] Oso**
Basically it's like a carpenter's plane.
**[06:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh! I had no idea!
**[06:34] Oso**
Well, let's go.
**[06:36] Iyami**
Huh?
**[06:37] Oso**
Come on.
**[06:45] Toto**
Hey, Osomatsu-kun. What were you
saying during all those beeps?
**[06:47] Oso**
Now we can sell all we want, Mr. Flag.
**[06:50] Oso**
Huh? Uh, um... that was...
**[06:50] Hata**
I'll make even more money, jo!
**[06:52] Toto**
Could it have been ****?
**[06:55] Oso**
All right, next!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[06:57] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[07:11] Sachi**
Hey, Aida, doesn't that guy look cool?
**[07:13] Aida**
He totally looks like Ozaki, Sacchi!
**[07:16] Sachi**
Go talk to him!
**[07:17] Aida**
I can't! He's too hot. I'm gonna die!
**[07:20] Sachi**
Then maybe I'll go instead.
**[07:24] Aida**
What the hell is with him? So creepy.
**[07:26] Sachi**
Die.
**[07:27] Choro**
*Seriously? He actually passed!*
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[07:30] Choro**
*How does the mind of a mother work?*
**[07:33] Kara**
Me too, Mom.
**[07:35] Kara**
I want to live my life without working
and with my meals prepared for me.
**[07:40] Mom**
Wrong.
**[07:42] Choro**
Yeah, that's totally wrong, Karamatsu.
That just makes you trash.
***SIGN*** From Episode 10
**[07:47] Kara**
What does "painful" mean?
**[07:48] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:49] Kara**
People keep pointing at me and saying "painful."
**[07:52] Kara**
But I haven't hit them, or kicked them.
**[07:55] Kara**
Why are they in pain?
**[07:57] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Don't worry about that.
**[08:00] Kara**
Huh?
**[08:00] Oso**
I mean, you're Karamatsu because you're
painful. If you lost that, you'd be boring.
**[08:05] Kara**
But I don't live for the sake of hurting people.
**[08:09] Kara**
Why? Why is it that I love everyone
so much, yet I hurt them?
**[08:15] Kara**
So... this must be the hedgehog's dilemma.
**[08:19] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[08:20] Kara**
Really? Just from that?!
**[08:22] Oso**
That hurt! Don't do surprise attacks like that!
**[08:23] Kara**
Wh-What should I do?
**[08:26] Oso**
Well, first, why don't you stop
wearing that leather jacket?
**[08:28] Kara**
My leather jacket?
**[08:29] Oso**
Yeah. That's the sheer essence of painfulness.
**[08:33] Kara**
All right...
**[08:35] Kara**
Like this?
**[08:36] Oso**
What's with that tanktop?!
Your face is on it!
**[08:38] Oso**
That's so painful!
**[08:39] Kara**
Why are you in pain?!
**[08:40] Oso**
Take off the sunglasses, too.
**[08:43] Oso**
Color contacts?! Save me, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[08:46] Oso**
It hurts so bad!
**[08:48] Oso**
I broke my rib...
**[08:51] Kara**
No matter what I do, I hurt people.
I'm a sinful man. A guilt guy!
**[08:53] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow... Karamatsu's
painfulness is pretty reliable.
**[08:55] Kara**
I'm trapped on all sides.
Eight-side shut-out!
**[08:58] Kara**
I'm doomed to live a life of only loneliness.
**[08:58] Toto**
He totally makes you want to punch him.
**[09:01] Oso**
Totoko-chan?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[09:07] Guy**
Matsuno Choromatsu-san?
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[09:09] Choro**
Yes!
**[09:10] Choro**
This is my agenda for today.
***SIGN*** Places I Want to Work
**[09:12] Choro**
Honestly, social security is a must,
with a milestone of 200,000 fixed
**[09:16] Choro**
and committed per month.
**[09:17] Choro**
What do you think?
**[09:18] Guy**
You're annoying.
***SIGN*** From Episode 3: "Tidbits Collection"
**[09:21] Todo**
*It's no use. I can't think of anything good.*
**[09:25] Todo**
*If I keep it, my brothers will...*
**[09:30] Cop**
Evening!
**[09:32] Cop**
What might you be doing out
here at this hour, sir?
**[09:36] Todo**
Oh, uh, I'm just out for a walk.
**[09:38] Cop**
A walk? But it's midnight.
**[09:42] Todo**
*It's already that late?*
**[09:45] Todo**
I'll go home now.
Thank you for your hard work.
**[09:48] Cop**
Hold it.
**[09:49] Todo**
Wha—
**[09:49] Cop**
You're a bit suspicious.
**[09:51] Todo**
Huh?
**[09:52] Cop**
Why don't you show us what's inside that bag?
**[09:55] Todo**
Why would I have to do that?
**[09:56] Cop**
It's not as if we're suspecting
you of anything...
**[10:00] Cop**
But there seems to be a guy around here...
**[10:03] Cop**
A scumbag who won big at pachinko,
but wants to keep it from his older brothers.
**[10:10] Todo**
*Choromatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan?!*
**[10:12] Todo**
*They already hunted me down?!*
***SIGN*** Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
**[10:15] Guy**
Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
***SIGN*** The Super-Skilled Older Brothers Ask For Their Share "Why Are You Trying So Hard To Hide It?!"
**[10:19] Todo**
Yay!
**[10:19] Choro**
*Crap... They keep passing one by one.*
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[10:22] Choro**
*I need to hurry up and think
of some kind of appeal.*
**[10:25] Mom**
I think that's about it.
**[10:27] Choro**
What?! It's over?!
**[10:28] Mom**
I've taken in three.
**[10:31] Mom**
The rest of you should talk to your father.
**[10:33] Choro**
*What?! There's no way I can live with these two!*
**[10:37] Choro**
W-Wait a sec, Mom!
**[10:40] Choro**
Think about this rationally.
**[10:42] Chro**
Who would you be happiest living with?
**[10:45] Oso**
Hey! The interview's over!
**[10:47] Todo**
You're being pathetic!
**[10:49] Choro**
I'm the safest bet out of the six of us.
**[10:52] Choro**
I have the best chance of finding a job,
and I'll probably get married.
**[10:55] Oso**
Getting married has nothing
to do with anything.
**[10:57] Todo**
Don't change the subject!
**[10:59] Choro**
But it does! Because if I get married...
**[11:02] Choro**
I'll give you a grandchild, Mom.
**[11:06] Oso**
Hey, you're playing dirty! He's cheating!
**[11:08] Todo**
Using a grandchild isn't fair, you filthy bastard!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:10] Oso**
Wait... Mom?!
**[11:11] Oso**
Don't let him trick you!
**[11:13] Oso**
We can give you grandchildren, too!
**[11:15] Todo**
Yeah!
**[11:17] Mom**
Who's the horniest?
**[11:19] Oso**
What are you asking us, Mom?!
**[11:20] Todo**
She's completely lost her senses.
**[11:20] Mom**
A grandchild... Grandchild... Grandchild...
**[11:22] Todo**
Bastard! How dare you mess with Mom's mind?!
**[11:27] Choro**
Looks like grandchildren are
alluring to parents after all!
**[11:30] Oso**
Damn it! We were so close!
**[11:32] Oso**
That was completely under the radar.
**[11:34] Todo**
Who would've thought of a grandkid?
**[11:36] Choro**
You won't take the position of dependent!
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Four"
**[11:38] Oso**
Why are there four?!
**[11:40] Choro**
How do we split this?
**[11:42] Choro**
*This number has always brought
misfortune to us sextuplets.*
***SIGN*** The Sharing Situation Between Sextuplets
That Even An Only Child Can Understand
**[11:45] Choro**
*With one or two, there aren't enough anyway,
so we could just do rock-paper-scissors.*
**[11:49] Choro**
*If there are five, though,*
**[11:50] Choro**
*the odds of losing are lower,
so it's rock-paper-scissors again.*
**[11:54] Choro**
*If there are three, it's peaceful.
We just split them in half and make them six.*
**[11:57] Choro**
*But the reality we are facing today is...*
**[12:01] Six**
Four!
**[12:02] Oso**
The number that's our mortal
enemy... The devil's number!
**[12:03] Kara**
I sense a war coming...
**[12:04] Blah**
We're finished.
**[12:05] Jyu**
What are we going to do?
**[12:06] Todo**
Who even brought us this many? Was it Mom?
**[12:08] Choro**
Hey, what good would it do to
find out why there are four?
**[12:10] Oso**
Man... This guy trying to act like
he's all proper is so annoying.
**[12:11] Choro**
Even if we find that out,
we're still left with four,
**[12:13] Choro**
you fool!
**[12:15] Toto**
He might show his true self in the second cour.
**[12:17] Todo**
Sorry...
**[12:18] Choro**
No, I'm sorry...
**[12:18] Oso**
And so, it's time for a break!
**[12:20] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[12:28] Choro**
*He's making his move! The joker that none
of us can read is finally making his move!*
**[12:33] Ichi**
I don't actually feel the
need to live with you,
**[12:36] Ichi**
but who knows what I'll do without
anyone keeping an eye on me?
**[12:41] Ichi**
You sure you're okay setting me free?
**[12:44] Ichi**
What if one of your sons turns into a criminal?
**[12:49] Mom**
Y-You pass. Let's live together.
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[12:57] Todo**
What the hell are you trying to do?!
**[13:06] ---**
Hey!
**[13:07] ---**
Hey!
**[13:09] ---**
Hey!
***SIGN*** From Episode 11: "Christmas Osomatsu-san"
**[13:23] Guy**
Um...
**[13:23] Ichi**
You on a date?
**[13:24] Guy**
Pardon?
**[13:25] Ichi**
Are you on a date?
**[13:28] Guy**
Yes...
**[13:28] Ichi**
I see.
**[13:40] Guy**
Um—
**[13:41] Ichi**
You two look good together.
**[13:43] Guy**
Huh? Oh.
**[13:45] Both**
Thank you.
**[13:58] Ichi**
You dumbass, I'll kill you.
**[14:05] Ichi**
And? What are your plans after this?
**[14:07] Guy**
Huh? Um... We haven't really decided.
**[14:10] Ichi**
Going home, then?
**[14:13] Guy**
What should we do?
**[14:15] Girl**
I'm not sure.
**[14:17] Guy**
Is it almost time for the last train?
**[14:19] Girl**
Yeah.
**[14:20] Guy**
Do you have to get up early tomorrow?
**[14:22] Girl**
No, I have the day off.
**[14:24] Guy**
Oh, I see...
**[14:31] Oso**
Oh, crap!
**[14:32] Guy**
Wanna spend the ni—
**[14:32] Oso**
Being reminded that I've got a
dangerous guy like this as a brother
**[14:33] Girl**
What in the world?!
**[14:35] Guy**
Spontaneous human combustion!
**[14:36] Oso**
really freaks me out.
**[14:37] Toto**
I can sort of relate to him, though.
**[14:39] Oso**
Seriously?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
***SIGN*** From Episode 5: "ESP Kitty"
**[14:54] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[14:59] Ichi**
M-Maybe I do wanna know...
**[15:02] Ichi**
What he's really feeling.
**[15:05] Deka**
All right, then. Stick out your bum.
**[15:07] Ichi**
Huh? Why my ass?
**[15:09] Deka**
Well, because this medicine...
**[15:11] Deka**
is administered via injection.
**[15:17] Ichi**
Let go of me! I'm going
to kill you, Jyushimatsu!
**[15:20] Jyu**
I've never heard you yell
so loud, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:23] Ichi**
You're scaring me! How can
you sound so unconcerned?!
**[15:26] Deka**
All right, here we go.
**[15:28] Ichi**
I can't do this!
**[15:29] Deka**
Come on, now. You're an adult.
**[15:31] Ichi**
That's got nothing to do with this!
Shots are hell, no matter how old you are!
**[15:32] Deka**
This will hurt, so relax your muscles.
**[15:35] Ichi**
No!
**[15:44] Dasu**
Oh, my.
***SIGN*** From Episode 9: "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[15:52] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[15:55] Jyu**
Morning on the 4, 6, 3...
**[15:58] Jyu**
Double play!
**[15:59] Oso**
You're so hyper first thing in the morning.
**[16:09] Jyu**
Thanks for the meal, tag up!
**[16:14] Choro**
He's so noisy first thing in the morning...
**[16:15] Jyu**
1,285...
**[16:17] Jyu**
1,286, 1,287!
**[16:21] Jyu**
All right! I can still go!
**[16:24] Ichi**
I'm gonna die...
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[16:25] Jyu**
Here I go! Muscle, muscle!
**[16:27] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[16:29] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[16:32] Jyu**
I'm home, muscle!
**[16:34] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[16:37] Jyu**
Muscle, mus—
**[16:46] Oso**
What the hell, Jyushimatsu?
He hasn't even done anything that bad.
**[16:47] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized game-winning homer!
***SIGN*** Men's
**[16:50] Oso**
He's totally not being fair.
**[16:51] Toto**
I look forward to seeing him in the second cour.
**[16:56] Oso**
*This is Jyushimatsu.*
**[16:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[17:05] ---**
Huh?
**[17:06] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[17:08] Oso**
What, are you on a date?
**[17:10] Oso**
Perfect timing. Let me join in!
**[17:12] Oso**
I've been so bored today. Choromatsu
and Karamatsu are so mean.
**[17:15] Oso**
They won't acknowledge me at all.
**[17:17] Todo**
I'm sorry. Who are you?
**[17:19] Girl**
Do you know him?
**[17:20] Todo**
Who?
**[17:21] Girl**
The guy just now.
**[17:22] Todo**
Huh? Did I just talk to someone?
**[17:24] Girl**
But he did look like you.
**[17:25] Todo**
No idea.
**[17:26] Oso**
Cold... So cold.
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependents Selection Interview Hall
**[17:30] Mom**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependents Selection Interviews.
**[17:35] Mom**
Those who pass this interview will
become one of my dependents.
***SIGN*** HR
**[17:40] Mom**
All of you make sure to show off
what fine sons you are.
***SIGN*** Please Be Quiet
**[17:43] Mom**
It's a pleasure having you all.
**[17:45] All**
Thanks for having us.
**[17:47] Choro**
*What's with this messed-up atmosphere?*
**[17:48] Choro**
*Family Dependents Selection Interview?*
**[17:51] Mom**
So who'd like to show their appeal first?
**[17:52] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[17:54] Choro**
*Holy crap! It's a shameless
battle between brothers!*
**[17:54] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[17:58] Todo**
Excuse me!
**[18:00] Todo**
Before we start the interview,
can I say just one thing?
**[18:03] Mom**
Um... The youngest brother, Todomatsu-san?
**[18:07] Choro**
* Uh, you know who he is!*
* What the hell are those papers?*
**[18:10] Todo**
I'd like to withdraw from this interview.
**[18:12] All**
What?!
**[18:13] Mom**
What do you mean?
**[18:15] Todo**
I can't help but think there's
something wrong with this.
**[18:18] Todo**
For us brothers go as far as
fighting to have you support us...
**[18:22] Todo**
It's really sad that you're divorcing,
**[18:25] Todo**
but it's a chance for us
to become independent.
**[18:28] Todo**
Thanks for everything you've done, Mom.
**[18:30] Todo**
I'll try living on my own. Bye.
**[18:33] Mom**
Wait.
**[18:36] Mom**
You pass.
**[18:37] Todo**
Yay! Woohoo!
**[18:39] Todo**
I made it first!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[18:42] All**
*He... He got us!*
***SIGN*** From Episode 5: "ESP Kitty"
**[18:46] Todo**
Choromatsu is funny.
**[18:47] Cat**
Choromatsu is super boring.
**[18:49] Choro**
Hey...
**[18:50] Oso**
Choromatsu is smart.
**[18:51] Cat**
Choromatsu is super dumb.
**[18:53] Todo**
Choromatsu is popular.
**[18:54] Cat**
Choromatsu is a stupid virgin.
**[18:56] Todo**
That's awesome! Perfect!
**[19:00] Choro**
Bullying? Is this bullying?
**[19:02] Oso**
You're incredible!
**[19:04] Oso**
You're an ESP kitty!
**[19:07] Todo**
But I'm worried...
**[19:09] Todo**
Someone could use him for evil.
**[19:11] Todo**
Let's keep him here.
**[19:12] Cat**
This cat's gonna be worth some money.
**[19:15] Todo**
Th-There'd be trouble if the
press found out about him.
**[19:18] Cat**
There's always the circus.
**[19:20] Todo**
We have to take good care of
Ichimatsu-niisan's good friend.
**[19:22] Cat**
Get rich quick!
**[19:24] Choro**
You dried-up monster... Everything
you thought just came out.
**[19:29] Oso**
So I guess no one can lie in front of him.
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[19:33] Choro**
Wait, you're working here, Todomatsu?
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[19:35] Todo**
It doesn't matter, just go home! Please go home!
**[19:38] Choro**
Hey, stop! What's gotten into you?!
**[19:39] Todo**
Please!
**[19:41] Oso**
What? We're not allowed to go in?
**[19:44] Todo**
No.
**[19:44] Oso**
Why?
**[19:48] Todo**
Fine. I'll tell you the truth.
**[19:53] Todo**
I'm embarrassed by you guys.
**[19:57] Todo**
Look around you. This is Sutabaa.
**[19:59] Todo**
You're as different as chalk and
cheese to these celestial beings!
**[20:03] Todo**
No... More like as different as angels and crap.
**[20:05] Todo**
I finally obtained some status by working here.
**[20:08] Todo**
If they find out I have crap for
brothers, it will all be for nothing.
**[20:12] Todo**
Sorry...
**[20:14] Todo**
I really didn't want to say that.
**[20:15] Choro**
Then don't! We almost died!
**[20:19] Both**
What?!
**[20:21] Aida**
You're sextuplets?!
**[20:23] Sachi**
That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
**[20:25] Oso**
I-Is it that uncommon?
Want to take a picture with us?
**[20:29] Both**
No thanks!
**[20:33] Choro**
*W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.*
**[20:37] Choro**
* Their bodies are glowing with*
* the light called confidence.*
**[20:42] Choro**
*And then there's him...*
**[20:43] Choro**
*Look at those eyes!*
**[20:45] Aida**
Wow, I'm so surprised!
**[20:47] Sachi**
Jeez, why didn't you tell us?
**[20:50] Todo**
Sorry. I was sure I'd already told you guys.
**[20:54] Oso**
So, hey, hey, hey...
**[20:54] Choro**
* There are two of him... There are*
* two personalities inside him!*
**[20:55] Sachi**
Oh, Osomatsu-san, was it?
**[21:02] Choro**
Wait. Why'd we get this table?
**[21:06] Choro**
There are plenty of others open.
**[21:10] Choro**
That dried-up monster...
He's totally trying to cut us off.
**[21:14] Oso**
When did he start working so hard?
**[21:17] Oso**
To think that there's such a gap between us...
**[21:19] Jyu**
So sweet! Have a bite, Nii-san.
**[21:22] Ichi**
Sweet! I ain't never had a
Western confectionery like this.
**[21:24] Jyu**
It ain't "Western confectionery."
They're called sweets nowadays!
**[21:27] Ichi**
S-S-Sweets!
**[21:29] Choro**
Uh, what are you guys doing?
**[21:29] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[21:30] Ichi**
For real?
**[21:31] Aida**
Hey, what are you doing over here?
**[21:34] Todo**
What happened?! Was there a
cockroach in the bathroom?!
**[21:45] Jyu**
Th-The city's a scary place!
**[21:47] Ichi**
We're gon' die.
**[21:48] Choro**
That's enough of that!
**[21:51] Sachi**
Oh, hey. About the mixer we
were talking about earlier...
**[21:55] Five**
*M-Mixer?!*
**[21:55] Oso**
Man... Totty's shadiness is intense.
**[21:57] Sachi**
Totty, do you think you
could invite some friends?
**[21:59] Toto**
More importantly...
**[21:59] Five**
*Totty?!*
**[22:01] Oso**
Huh?
**[22:01] Sachi**
Ask around at your university.
**[22:01] Toto**
Why were you all fawning
over those Sutabaa baristas?
**[22:02] Five**
*University?!*
**[22:04] Toto**
What's the idea?
You think they're cuter than me?
**[22:05] Todo**
Um, I'll talk to you guys about that later.
**[22:07] Oso**
Oh, um... That was, uh...
**[22:07] Aida**
Totty, you go to Keio, right?
**[22:10] Sachi**
Get some good people to come.
We'll be looking forward to it.
**[22:11] Toto**
I hate you. Hmph!
**[22:11] Todo**
Yeah, okay...
**[22:14] Oso**
A-After this, we'll announce the results...
***SIGN*** Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)
Results
**[22:22] Oso**
This is Osomatsu.
**[22:23] Toto**
And Totoko!
**[22:25] Oso**
Now, we'll be announcing which of us sextuplets
is the biggest loser, the Losermatsu-san!
**[22:33] Toto**
Yay!
**[22:35] Oso**
Oh, looks like the results
are in. Who could it be?
**[22:40] Toto**
Who is it? Who is it?
**[22:42] Oso**
The biggest Losermatsu out of the sextuplets is...
***SIGN*** All of You Suck
**[22:46] Oso**
What?! All of us?!
**[22:50] Oso**
What the hell? Why am I in there, too?!
**[22:53] Toto**
Why am I in there? I'm not a sextuplet!
**[22:57] Oso**
Seriously, I'm way better
than Choromatsu or Todomatsu.
**[23:02] Toto**
More importantly, I'm the
insanely popular heroine.
**[23:06] Oso**
The hell is this?
**[23:07] Toto**
The hell is this?
**[23:11] Oso**
We finished?
**[23:13] Toto**
Yeah, let's finish.
**[23:14] Oso**
Yeah, well, this was Losermatsu-san.
Thanks for watching.
**[23:18] Oso**
We'll continue to be super serious about
making something super wonderful,
**[23:23] Oso**
so yeah, keep watching.
**[23:24] Toto**
Yeah.
**[23:26] Oso**
Well, goodnight.
**[23:28] Toto**
Night.
**[23:30] Oso**
I hope you have freaky dreams, dumbasses.
**[23:32] Toto**
Dumbass! Dumbass!
# E12.5 - The "Osomatsu-san" Year-End Special!
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR09GWP2R/the-osomatsu-san-year-end-special)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Saku**
It has begun! The "Osomatsu-san" Year-End Special!
**[00:04] Saku**
I'm Sakurai Takahiro, who plays the oldest
brother of the Matsuno family, Osomatsu.
**[00:07] Naka**
I'm Nakamura Yuuichi, who plays
the second brother, Karamatsu.
**[00:09] Kami**
I'm Kamiya Hiroshi, who plays
the third brother, Choromatsu.
**[00:12] Saku**
So, since this is the Year-End Special,
**[00:15] Saku**
we'll be watching the episode with you
and saying what we think about it
**[00:20] Saku**
as a supplemental audio track
in this bonus project.
**[00:23] Naka**
Right...
**[00:23] Kami**
What kind of project is this?
I've never really done this before.
**[00:26] Naka**
Same here.
**[00:27] Saku**
Yeah.
**[00:28] Kami**
I mean, this is going on the broadcast, right?
**[00:28] Naka**
So it's not for a disc release, but for broadcast?
**[00:30] Kami**
Apparently.
**[00:30] Saku**
Right.
**[00:31] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:31] Naka**
So people are being forced
to listen to this at home?
**[00:36] Saku**
Uh, please don't get any weird
expectations about this.
**[00:38] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:38] Naka**
Yeah.
**[00:39] Saku**
We'll be talking within some rules, so...
**[00:41] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:42] Naka**
There won't be many behind-the-scenes
stories you can only hear here.
**[00:44] Saku**
Nah, not really.
**[00:45] Kami**
But I wonder how people will take this.
**[00:47] Kami**
If someone who doesn't know us hears this...
**[00:49] Kami**
I mean, if you hear just the voices,
it's the characters talking.
**[00:51] Kami**
We don't really alter our voices much on this show.
**[00:52] Saku**
Yeah, we really don't.
**[00:54] Naka**
Yeah.
**[00:55] Kami**
So I bet people will be like,
"Huh? What are they talking about?"
**[00:58] Sakura**
Well... I mean, "Osomatsu-san" is already...
**[01:02] Naka**
Yeah.
**[01:02] Saku**
...sort of a trend.
**[01:03] Kami**
Right?
**[01:04] Naka**
It is.
**[01:04] Saku**
So people should enjoy this, too.
**[01:05] Kami**
I guess, maybe.
**[01:07] Naka**
Well, they should.
**[01:07] Kami**
I wonder if we're going to come across okay.
**[01:09] Saku**
Well, let's do this thing!
**[01:12] Naka**
I guess we can give it a shot.
**[01:13] Saku**
Yeah, let's give it a shot.
**[01:13] Naka**
Let's do it.
**[01:15] Saku**
Let's see what we can do.
**[01:16] Kami**
Yeah.
**[01:17] Saku**
What can we even do at this point?
**[01:19] Kami**
What *can* we do?
**[01:20] Saku**
Yeah...
**[01:21] Kami**
Well, let's just do some stuff.
**[01:22] Saku**
Yeah. So we'll be talking about various things.
**[01:23] Kami**
Yeah.
**[01:23] Naka**
Yeah.
**[01:25] Saku**
Stay tuned and watch!
**[01:25] Kami**
Yes!
**[01:26] Naka**
Stay tuned.
**[01:27] Naka**
And so, I think we'll see the sponsors after this.
**[01:30] Kami**
What a surprise.
**[01:30] Saku**
Yup.
**[01:30] Naka**
There they are!
**[01:31] Kami**
Wow, awesome. Thanks for taking care of us!
**[01:33] Naka**
Thank you very much!
**[01:34] Saku**
Keep taking care of us!
**[01:34] Kami**
You're awesome!
**[01:35] Naka**
Thanks for the meal!
**[01:36] Saku**
I love you!
**[01:36] Kami**
I really love you! With all my heart!
**[01:41] Saku**
Right, well, are you ready?
This is the Year-End Special.
**[01:43] Kami**
Yup.
**[01:44] Saku**
So, um... The narration here is going to say
**[01:47] Saku**
that we're going to talk about
who's the worst sextuplet.
**[01:51] Kami**
Whoa, what?
**[01:51] Saku**
I'll be saying it.
**[01:52] Naka**
So you already did it.
**[01:52] Saku**
I've already gone and said it.
**[01:53] Naka**
You already did it.
**[01:54] Saku**
Yeah, I already said all this.
**[01:56] Naka**
Your conversation with Totoko.
**[01:56] Kami**
What kind of show is this?
**[01:57] Saku**
And, um, if we're not careful...
**[02:00] Saku**
And in my case, especially...
**[02:02] Saku**
There might be moments where it sounds
like there are three of me talking.
**[02:06] Kami**
Oh, I get it.
**[02:07] Saku**
Yes.
**[02:07] Kami**
The actual episode, and this track.
**[02:09] ---**
Yeah.
**[02:09] ---**
The intro narration and...
**[02:10] Saku**
Oh! This is it, right here!
**[02:11] Naka**
You started talking.
**[02:12] Kami**
Yeah, he did.
**[02:13] Saku**
Yeah.
**[02:15] Saku**
Well...
**[02:17] Naka**
I don't know what to say.
**[02:18] Saku**
Yeah... I don't even know.
**[02:21] Naka**
This feels really weird.
**[02:22] Saku**
This is hard for me...
**[02:24] Naka**
This is really hard to do.
**[02:25] Kami**
I'm sure it is.
**[02:25] Kami**
Yeah.
**[02:26] Kami**
But Totoko's cute.
**[02:28] Saku**
Ah, I knew you'd go there.
**[02:29] Kami**
Yeah. I love Totoko.
**[02:30] Naka**
I see. You love her, huh?
**[02:32] Kami**
Yeah. Well, she's a bit full of herself,
so that's kind of off-putting, but...
**[02:36] Saku**
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
**[02:37] Kami**
But once you get to that point,
it's actually refreshing.
**[02:38] Naka**
There aren't many girls as honest as her.
**[02:40] Kami**
I don't think there are.
**[02:41] Naka**
She doesn't dress up.
**[02:42] Kami**
Yeah.
**[02:43] Saku**
She does, but it's in a different way.
**[02:44] Kami**
I mean, when she does dress up,
it's as a crustacean.
**[02:46] Saku**
Yeah.
**[02:47] Kami**
I loved the mantis shrimp.
**[02:49] Saku**
That was cute.
**[02:50] Naka**
Though we totally ignored her.
**[02:50] Kami**
Yeah, it was.
**[02:51] Kami**
Yeah, we completely ignored her.
**[02:52] Naka**
We totally ignored her,
so she did a body blow on us.
**[02:55] Kami**
I loved the echo there.
**[02:57] Naka**
Ah, her "Sei!"
**[02:58] Kami**
"Sei!"
**[02:59] Saku**
Oh, if we keep talking about little
things like this, time will fly by.
**[03:02] Kami**
Yeah, I'm sure it will.
**[03:02] Naka**
It'll go by fast.
**[03:02] Saku**
Our part.
**[03:04] Naka**
All right.
**[03:05] Kami**
Well, we're only here for part A.
**[03:06] Saku**
That's right.
**[03:07] Kami**
Part B will be after this.
**[03:07] Naka**
Part B will be those guys.
**[03:09] Saku**
Those three idiots.
**[03:09] Kami**
Yeah, the fourth brother onwards...
**[03:10] Naka**
They're a bunch of problem children.
**[03:12] Saku**
The latter half will be rough.
**[03:13] Kami**
Yeah, it definitely will be.
**[03:14] Kami**
There's no one to keep them in line.
**[03:15] Saku**
Right.
**[03:16] Naka**
Yeah... Todomatsu tries to act like he's
running things, but he's pretty messed up.
**[03:21] Kami**
You know, he seriously needs to
stop laughing during our takes.
**[03:25] Naka**
You're talking about the person inside, right?
**[03:27] Kami**
What's wrong with him? Seriously.
**[03:27] Saku**
He really shouldn't do that.
**[03:29] Naka**
Like "Pfft."
**[03:30] Kami**
Yeah. He just keeps laughing faintly.
**[03:32] Saku**
He probably thinks we can't hear him.
**[03:35] Kami**
Of course we can hear him!
I can't help but notice it!
**[03:37] Naka**
He thinks it's not audible.
**[03:37] Saku**
Yeah. He thinks it's fine as long as it's quiet.
**[03:40] Naka**
I see.
**[03:42] Saku**
He should be more careful.
**[03:43] Naka**
You! You, be more careful!
**[03:44] Kami**
He's totally nodding.
**[03:46] Saku**
So, what do you guys think?
**[03:48] Kami**
About what?
**[03:48] Saku**
The response to "Osomatsu-san."
**[03:52] Naka**
The response, huh?
**[03:53] Saku**
Do you think there has been any?
**[03:54] Naka**
Of course.
**[03:55] Kkami**
Yeah.
**[03:55] Naka**
Actually, there's been quite
a bit, both good and bad.
**[03:59] Naka**
I get told, "I've been watching the show,"
when I'm at my other, cleaner shows.
**[04:03] Saku**
Do you?
**[04:04] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:04] Kami**
I do, too.
**[04:05] Saku**
There was one staff person who really
wanted to tell me something...
**[04:08] Naka**
Wanted to?
**[04:09] Saku**
So they said, "I've been watching Osomatsu-san!"
As if it was a love confession.
**[04:12] Saku**
Like, "I was finally able to say it!"
**[04:14] Naka**
"I was dying to say that!"
**[04:15] Saku**
There've actually been people like that.
**[04:16] Kami**
Seriously, though, it's hard to believe.
Ever since we've been on air...
**[04:21] Saku**
Yeah.
**[04:22] Kami**
Every single day, someone
brings it up in conversation.
**[04:26] Saku**
Oh, wow.
**[04:26] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:27] Kami**
I've never been involved
with an anime like this.
**[04:31] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:31] Saku**
I probably haven't, either.
**[04:32] Naka**
True.
**[04:33] Saku**
I think it's the first time there's been this much.
**[04:34] Kami**
I mean, I've worked on shows with huge responses.
**[04:36] Saku**
I have, too.
**[04:36] Kami**
But it wasn't brought up every day, right?
**[04:38] Saku**
Yeah, it might actually be every day.
**[04:40] Kami**
It is!
**[04:41] Saku**
Yeah, it's amazing.
**[04:43] Naka**
Like, on a show where there
are a lot of hot guys,
**[04:50] Saku**
Yeah.
**[04:51] Naka**
voice actresses don't usually say,
"Oh, I like this character."
**[04:54] Naka**
Even if they think it.
**[04:55] Saku**
Oh, right.
**[04:56] Naka**
They don't usually say it,
but for "Osomatsu," they do.
**[04:59] Saku**
Yeah, they probably feel like
they can say something.
**[05:01] Naka**
I mean, there aren't any hot guys.
**[05:04] Saku**
You're right.
**[05:04] Kami**
Yeah, true.
**[05:05] Saku**
There aren't.
**[05:06] Naka**
So they said the heart-warming relationship
**[05:08] Naka**
between the characters is sort of nice.
**[05:10] Kami**
That's how it works?
**[05:11] Naka**
I was like, "Oh, I see."
**[05:13] Saku**
So, in this special, this Year-End Special,
**[05:17] Saku**
we'll take a look at just who these guys are.
**[05:20] Naka**
Right.
**[05:20] Saku**
Like, "Are these guys okay?"
and "This is how they are."
**[05:21] Kami**
So a little review. Yeah, let's do it.
**[05:23] Saku**
Yeah. Let's reflect on all this...
**[05:24] Naka**
Are these guys really okay like this?
**[05:25] Saku**
Are you guys really okay?
**[05:26] Naka**
That's what this is, huh?
**[05:27] Saku**
Yep.
**[05:27] Kami**
This is pretty bad. It's all bleeped out.
**[05:30] Saku**
It's all bleeps.
**[05:30] Kami**
Yeah...
**[05:32] Naka**
This is episode two, but it was
the first episode we recorded.
**[05:36] Saku**
Yeah.
**[05:36] Kami**
Yeah, it was.
**[05:37] Saku**
Right.
**[05:37] Naka**
It was the first one, so we couldn't help
but think, "This is how this starts..."
**[05:41] Naka**
This is how this starts...
**[05:42] Saku**
This is how this starts, yes.
**[05:43] Kami**
It starts off full blast.
**[05:48] Kami**
It felt like we were being tested when
we were brought into the studio.
**[05:50] Saku**
I feel a little pressure every time... I mean...
**[05:55] Kami**
Yeah.
**[05:55] Saku**
Comedy's hard, isn't it?
**[05:56] Kami**
It is. Jokes are really hard.
**[05:58] Saku**
I mean, in my opinion, you two are hilarious.
**[06:01] Naka**
Well, in Karamatsu's case, just him
being on screen is funny.
**[06:04] Saku**
No, no...
**[06:05] Naka**
The visual itself is funny.
**[06:06] Saku**
The visual is weird!
**[06:07] Naka**
Hang on a second. Hey!
We told you to be quiet!
**[06:11] Naka**
Sorry about that. I don't think
the mic caught him, but...
**[06:14] Saku**
Yeah.
**[06:14] Naka**
There was a guy giggling in here.
**[06:15] Saku**
Yes, indeed there was.
**[06:17] Kami**
But I mean, we're all seasoned professionals
**[06:19] Kami**
who have been on various shows,
and that's why we were gathered here.
**[06:24] Saku**
Well, I hope that's the case...
**[06:25] Kami**
So you can really tell that
everyone's hyped to do this.
**[06:31] Saku**
It's scary!
**[06:31] Kami**
Seriously.
**[06:32] Saku**
Everyone looks so serious.
**[06:33] Kami**
Yeah, we do.
**[06:34] Saku**
A bit, yeah.
**[06:34] Kami**
Yeah.
**[06:36] Naka**
Not to mention, ever since Ono-san realized
that the audience is liking Jyushimatsu,
**[06:41] Naka**
he's been super annoying.
**[06:43] Saku**
Yeah, he is.
**[06:45] Naka**
He keeps ad-libbing.
**[06:47] Saku**
It's full of flavor now.
**[06:48] Naka**
Yeah, it can't really get much fuller.
**[06:51] ---**
It really can't.
**[06:53] Kami**
So you guys realized that.
**[06:54] Naka**
Yeah. It's like he's trying to
get every last drop of flavor.
**[06:56] Kami**
Yeah.
**[06:57] Saku**
He thinks there's still flavor there.
**[06:58] Naka**
Like he thinks there's still
something left to chew.
**[07:01] Kami**
When that happens, he starts
to get more and more boring,
**[07:04] Kami**
so please be careful.
**[07:06] Naka**
That's why I laugh every time his
ad-libs get cut from the broadcast.
**[07:09] Naka**
Oh, that's great!
**[07:09] Kami**
Right.
**[07:10] Naka**
It's another way of enjoying it.
**[07:11] Sakura**
Something only we'd understand.
**[07:12] Naka**
Exactly.
**[07:12] Naka**
Like, "Oh, Ono-san tried really
hard here, and it all got cut."
**[07:14] Saku**
That whole part was cut. That was a blast.
**[07:17] Naka**
It was a blast!
**[07:18] Saku**
Yes, it was.
**[07:18] Naka**
Yes.
**[07:19] Kami**
You guys should tell him that in person.
**[07:21] Naka**
Oh, should we?
**[07:21] Kami**
You need to make him realize it,
or he'll just get more and more boring.
**[07:26] Kami**
Seriously...
**[07:27] Saku**
It's better when you're not trying.
**[07:28] Kami**
A strikeout or home run would be fine,
but he just keeps trying to hit!
**[07:30] ---**
Oh! I get it!
**[07:32] Saku**
That's a good metaphor.
**[07:33] Kami**
Yeah.
**[07:34] Naka**
Iwaki is enough for you.
**[07:35] Naka**
That's right.
**[07:37] Kami**
A home run now and then is enough.
**[07:38] Saku**
Yeah, home runs and strikeouts can both be funny.
**[07:41] Saku**
Exactly.
**[07:42] Kami**
He just keeps going for hits, and then...
**[07:45] Naka**
We're in charge of the hits.
**[07:47] Kami**
Exactly.
**[07:48] Sakku**
Right. Nobody is really hoping...
**[07:51] Kami**
...for Ono Daisuke to get a clean hit.
**[07:53] Both**
Yeah.
**[07:55] Naka**
Seriously, that's how it is.
**[07:59] Saku**
But as we're working on
this show, I still feel like
**[08:03] Saku**
I keep finding out new
things about everyone.
**[08:07] Saku**
About the cast, I mean.
**[08:07] Naka**
Yeah.
**[08:08] Kami**
Though we've all known each
other for quite a while.
**[08:11] Saku**
Yeah, but there's that freshness
to it, so I'm really having fun.
**[08:13] Both**
Yeah.
**[08:14] Saku**
To be honest, I'm just like Miyu,
and trying to hold in my laughter.
**[08:18] Naka**
Oh, really?
**[08:19] Sakku**
I'm actually able to hold it in.
**[08:20] Naka**
You're able to...
**[08:21] Saku**
I am, at least.
**[08:22] Naka**
So it's just Irino-kun and me
who can't hold it in.
**[08:23] Saku**
Exactly. You actually...
**[08:25] Naka**
To be honest, I wish I could
record this show alone.
**[08:29] Naka**
I'd like to go home without laughing.
**[08:29] Kami**
You always laugh, too, Nakamura-kun.
**[08:31] Naka**
Yeah.
**[08:32] Kami**
I wish you'd stop laughing at your own lines.
**[08:34] Saku**
Yeah.
**[08:35] Naka**
I can't help but think, "Wow,
I'm saying something really dumb."
**[08:37] Saku**
Must be nice.
**[08:38] Naka**
It just hits me sometimes. It's really hard.
**[08:40] Saku**
Yeah, it is.
**[08:41] Kami**
Sometimes being quiet just makes it worse.
**[08:42] Naka**
Also, the atmosphere in our studio is really bad.
**[08:45] Kami**
Yeah.
**[08:46] Naka**
It's a terrible atmosphere!
**[08:47] Saku**
It's so bad!
**[08:48] Naka**
Everyone tries to get you to laugh.
**[08:50] Saku**
That's true.
**[08:51] Naka**
It's true, right?
**[08:51] Saku**
Yeah.
**[08:52] Naka**
And it just makes me more hyped up.
**[08:53] Saku**
Yeah, I totally understand.
**[08:55] Naka**
So it's hard.
**[08:56] Naka**
There are lines I don't even smirk
at when I read them at home,
**[08:58] Naka**
but then I laugh at them in the studio.
**[09:00] Kami**
Yeah.
**[09:01] Saku**
I mean, we're all beat when recording is over.
**[09:03] Naka**
Yeah.
**[09:04] Saku**
What's with that exhaustion?
**[09:05] Naka**
It's tiring.
**[09:06] Saku**
Yeah.
**[09:07] Saku**
That tanktop is awful.
**[09:09] Naka**
I wonder who made it.
**[09:11] ---**
Maybe he made it himself.
**[09:12] Kami**
He probably ordered it somewhere.
**[09:12] Saku**
Ah...
**[09:13] Naka**
I guess that's better than asking
your mom to make it for you.
**[09:17] Kami**
Well, maybe he did.
**[09:17] Naka**
Like "Mom, could you iron this on for me, Mommy?"
**[09:20] Saku**
It's possible. An iron-on transfer is very possible.
**[09:22] Kami**
I wonder if he did.
**[09:24] Naka**
I had no clue what you were saying here.
**[09:25] Kami**
I didn't, either.
**[09:25] Naka**
Choromatsu's part here.
**[09:26] Kami**
Yeah.
**[09:28] Saku**
He said something about an agenda.
**[09:30] Kami**
I looked it up, but I still didn't get it.
**[09:33] Naka**
Ah, this part is great.
**[09:34] Saku**
Choromatsu's actually not that bad.
I mean, he's sort of the straight man.
**[09:38] Kami**
Yeah, he's known as the straight man.
**[09:40] Saku**
True.
**[09:41] Kami**
That's not really the case, though.
But his introduction was sort of intense.
**[09:44] Saku**
It definitely was.
**[09:44] Naka**
Yeah.
**[09:46] Kami**
But I think, in order to be able
to tell all of our characters apart,
**[09:50] Kami**
it was necessary to give him that role.
**[09:52] Kami**
Though I've gotten used to it lately.
**[09:54] Saku**
You have?
**[09:54] Kami**
Yes.
**[09:55] Kami**
I've got about the same amount
of lines as everyone else now.
**[09:58] Kami**
I'm very thankful for that.
**[09:59] Naka**
***** is coming up now, right?
**[10:02] Kami**
Ah... Right. This is all building up to
something that might happen next year.
**[10:06] Saku**
Yeah.
**[10:06] Naka**
Yeah.
**[10:07] Kami**
So please look forward to it.
**[10:08] Saku**
Yeah, there's, uh... something insane waiting.
**[10:11] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:12] Naka**
Yeah. It's not what we're looking at now,
**[10:14] Naka**
but the episode before this special...
**[10:16] Naka**
The episode before this one
we're commenting on was bad, too.
**[10:19] Saku**
Yes, it was.
**[10:19] Kami**
Ah, yeah.
**[10:21] Kami**
I really wish it would stop.
**[10:22] Naka**
I actually don't know the order anymore.
**[10:26] Kami**
I mean, Todomatsu's "Totty" is fine.
**[10:30] Kami**
That one's just fine... But that
one name is seriously not okay.
**[10:34] Naka**
You think so?
**[10:34] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:35] Naka**
But I'm kind of sad that it hasn't
shown up in the scripts since then.
**[10:38] Saku**
Yeah.
**[10:39] Kami**
That's not okay. I'm being serious, guys.
**[10:42] Naka**
So it'd be better if it was ad-libbed...
**[10:43] Kami**
That name applies to all of
the sextuplets, to be honest.
**[10:48] Naka**
I see.
**[10:49] Saku**
So that's why.
**[10:50] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:51] Naka**
I guess that's true.
**[10:51] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:52] Naka**
So it's not just him.
**[10:53] Kami**
It's all of them.
**[10:54] Saku**
So it's not like "Totty."
**[10:55] Kami**
Right. That one name applies to all of them...
**[10:59] Kami**
Who knows? They might just say *****...
**[11:01] Kami**
Or *****.
**[11:03] Naka**
Well, once ***** gets added...
**[11:04] Kami**
Yeah, I mean, that might happen...
**[11:06] Naka**
Well, ***** is...
**[11:07] Kami**
Shut up already!
**[11:09] Kamii**
I just didn't want say it myself.
**[11:14] Kami**
Seriously, it's awful.
**[11:15] Sakura**
It's crazy.
**[11:15] Kami**
Yeah.
**[11:17] Saku**
It's like... Huh? Is it time already?
Or do we have a little more?
**[11:20] Kami**
There's still some time.
**[11:20] Saku**
Yeah.
**[11:21] Naka**
We're still okay.
**[11:21] Kami**
About another minute.
**[11:22] Sau**
But I thought it was amazing
**[11:24] Sau**
that they kept using "Totty."
**[11:26] Naka**
It's still coming up.
**[11:27] Kami**
He keeps getting called Totty.
**[11:29] Both**
Yeah.
**[11:30] Saku**
I think everyone's used to it now.
**[11:32] Kami**
Yeah, he's totally Totty now.
**[11:33] Naka**
It sunk in.
**[11:34] Saku**
To the point where the fans
call him "Totty," too.
**[11:36] Naka**
I think they do.
**[11:37] Saku**
Yeah.
**[11:37] Kami**
It was just mean at first.
**[11:38] Kami**
Yeah, it totally was at first.
**[11:40] Naka**
We said it sarcastically as an insult.
**[11:42] Saku**
Exactly.
**[11:43] Naka**
But it's a nickname.
**[11:45] Saku**
Todomatsu is sort of the victim.
**[11:48] Saku**
It seems like he could break free of them, too.
**[11:49] Kami**
But he can't.
**[11:50] Saku**
Nope.
**[11:51] Kami**
Well, his brothers are like demons.
**[11:53] Naka**
They won't let him get away. Not a chance.
**[11:58] Saku**
So lately, among the fans,
there are apparently some people
**[12:02] Saku**
actually researching stuff about the episodes.
**[12:05] Kami**
Oh, really?
**[12:06] Naka**
Like about the characters?
**[12:07] Sakku**
Yeah, apparently they discuss
**[12:08] Sakku**
how an episode might have actually
meant something deeper...
**[12:12] Saku**
At least, that's what I heard from the staff.
**[12:15] Saku**
That's a good trend, though.
**[12:17] Kami**
Well, we're definitely having
a lot of fun with it.
**[12:19] Saku**
Though that's about as deep as it gets for us.
**[12:20] Naka**
Yeah.
**[12:21] Saku**
Right, so now...
**[12:22] Naka**
Yes.
**[12:23] Saku**
I'd like to hand this off to
the members for the latter half.
**[12:24] Naka**
Those guys.
**[12:26] Kami**
So we're passing the baton.
**[12:27] Saku**
Yes.
**[12:27] Kami**
Okay, see you next year.
**[12:28] Saku**
See you.
**[12:28] Naka**
Thanks!
**[12:29] Person**
Break time!
**[12:31] Fuku**
The second half of the Osomatsu-san
Year-End Special starts now!
**[12:35] Fuku**
I'm Fukuyama Jun, who plays the fourth
brother, Ichimatsu, and next is our MC...
**[12:39] Ono**
Oh, I get to be the MC?
**[12:40] Ono**
Uh, I'm Ono Daisuke, who plays the
fifth brother, Jyushimatsu, and...
**[12:43] Iri**
I'm Irino, who plays the
youngest brother, Todomatsu.
**[12:45] Fuku**
Yes, so the second half
will be with us three.
**[12:48] Irino**
Yes.
**[12:48] Fuku**
The three of us will...
**[12:50] Three**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[12:53] Fuku**
And that's the end of the script they provided.
**[12:56] Iri**
Right.
**[12:56] Ono**
So then...
**[12:56] Iri**
Ono-san mentioned that he
wanted to be the MC today.
**[13:02] Ono**
Yeah, let me be the MC.
**[13:03] Fuku**
Right.
**[13:03] Fuku**
The three blockheads in the first part
actually had their crap together.
**[13:06] Iri**
Don't call them blockheads!
**[13:07] Ono**
Just because they're not here...
**[13:08] Irino**
You scared me! What was that?
**[13:10] Ono**
You actually went there,
just because they're not around?
**[13:11] Fuku**
Isn't that something I can say since they're gone?
**[13:13] Fuku**
I can totally say that, right?
**[13:14] Iri**
Yeah.
**[13:15] Ono**
No, you can't.
**[13:15] Fuku**
I can't?
**[13:16] Ono**
Well, we were actually in the
studio for the first part.
**[13:20] Fuku**
Yes, we were.
**[13:21] Ono**
Yes.
**[13:21] Fuku**
Right.
**[13:21] Ono**
We were listening along...
**[13:23] Fuku**
You kept leaking, Ono-kun.
**[13:24] Ono**
Huh?! Wait, what?
**[13:25] Fuku**
You kept leaking.
**[13:26] Ono**
Leaking?
**[13:26] Fuku**
Yup, leaking.
**[13:27] Ono**
Leaking what?
**[13:28] Fuku**
Your thoughts kept leaking out.
Like, through gestures.
**[13:30] Ono**
Thoughts? Oh, yeah, I was.
**[13:32] Fuku**
You were like, "Yeah, that's right."
**[13:34] Ono**
I was, the whole time.
**[13:35] Ono**
And of course, Miyu-kun was laughing.
**[13:37] Iri**
No, I wasn't laughing that much.
**[13:39] Iri**
Jun-san was laughing a lot too, though.
**[13:41] Fuku**
Oh, mics don't pick me up well,
so they couldn't hear me.
**[13:42] Iri**
You liar!
**[13:44] Ono**
He doesn't play fair.
**[13:46] Fuku**
What?
**[13:46] Ono**
He's figured out the perfect way
**[13:47] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[13:48] Ono**
to laugh without being picked up by the mics.
**[13:50] Fuku**
Yup.
**[13:51] Ono**
But Miyu-kun doesn't even seem to care.
**[13:53] Fuku**
He laughs when other people are talking.
**[13:55] Iri**
I was actually just told in an interview
**[13:55] Ono**
It overlaps.
**[13:59] Iri**
that the other brothers keep
complaining that I laugh too much.
**[14:03] Ono**
Right.
**[14:04] Iri**
So... In regards to that, I told them,
**[14:08] Iri**
I get told that so much,
it doesn't even bother me anymore.
**[14:11] Ono**
It doesn't *bother* you anymore?
Not "you don't care anymore"?
**[14:14] Iri**
I mean, if you can't laugh when you're
having fun, what's the point?
**[14:19] Ono**
Yeah, life would be boring.
**[14:19] Fuku**
Well, I think it's fine to laugh
when you're having fun...
**[14:23] Fuku**
But when you laugh while we're
recording, we have to do a retake.
**[14:25] Iri**
Oh, right...
**[14:25] Fuku**
I've had to retake, like, three
times because you were laughing.
**[14:29] Ono**
How long have you been in the business?!
**[14:31] Iri**
I'm sorry. You're right, that's not good.
**[14:33] Fuku**
But, like, when someone laughs
at your part, you can't be mad.
**[14:37] Iri**
Exactly.
**[14:38] Ono**
That does make you happy.
**[14:38] Fuku**
Right.
**[14:40] Ono**
They talked about this earlier, but
Nakamura-kun and Miyu-kun laugh a lot.
**[14:46] Fuku**
It's not so bad with Miyu-kun
since it's just default,
**[14:48] Fuku**
but once something makes Nakamura laugh,
**[14:50] Fuku**
he can't shake it off.
**[14:51] Ono**
Yeah, once he starts, he can't stop.
**[14:52] Iri**
It's not good.
**[14:53] Fuku**
It's so bad, he can't even say his lines.
**[14:56] Iri**
Yeah.
**[14:58] Ono**
Like, "Hey, it's your line."
**[14:59] Fukku**
With the first episode of the new year,
he couldn't even say his lines anymore.
**[15:05] Iri**
Yeah, he couldn't. That actually happened.
**[15:07] Fuku**
I was like, "What's with you?"
**[15:10] Ono**
So with this commentary today...
**[15:13] Fuku**
Yes.
**[15:13] Ono**
There's apparently a theme where
we pick the worst sextuplet.
**[15:17] Iri**
You know, I've been thinking...
**[15:19] Iri**
I'm not sure if he's the worst,
but Ichimatsu's definitely the scariest.
**[15:23] Fuku**
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[15:23] Ono**
I agree.
**[15:24] Iri**
Ichimatsu's seriously scary.
**[15:26] Fuku**
Really?
**[15:26] Ono**
Darkness. Total darkness.
**[15:26] Fuku**
Really?
**[15:27] Iri**
I mean, this script has nominated
episodes listed for everyone...
**[15:31] Both**
Yeah.
**[15:31] Iri**
For example, Jyushimatsu has "swims in a river."
**[15:36] Ono**
Swims in a river...
**[15:36] Iri**
"Holds Ichimatsu so he can get his shot."
**[15:37] Ono**
That's on screen now, yeah.
**[15:39] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[15:39] Iri**
And the one we're about to see is the one
where he's all hyper in the morning.
**[15:42] Ono**
Right.
**[15:43] Iri**
Jun-san, could you read the parts
Ichimatsu was nominated for?
**[15:45] Fuku**
Okay, let's see... "Episode 4: Threatens mother."
**[15:48] Fuku**
"Episode 7: Tries to defecate
on table, then exposes himself."
**[15:51] Fuku**
"Episode 11: Picks fight with couple."
**[15:53] ---**
He's terrible!
**[15:54] Iri**
The first two are so intense
that the last one seems normal.
**[15:57] Ono**
Yeah, that seems normal.
**[15:59] Fuku**
The first two would actually be crimes.
**[16:02] Iri**
Those are totally crimes.
**[16:04] Fuku**
If you just read it.
**[16:04] Ono**
He does expose himself quite often.
**[16:07] Fuku**
I don't think he exposes himself that often,
**[16:09] Fuku**
but I don't think he considers it a hazard, either.
**[16:12] Ono**
Hazard...
**[16:13] Iri**
I think Ichimatsu's got the most swing.
**[16:15] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[16:15] Ono**
Right.
**[16:16] Fuku**
When he gets mad, his voice gets so loud.
**[16:18] Iri**
Yeah, that...
**[16:19] Ono**
Right, right.
**[16:19] Iri**
In the Totty episode...
**[16:21] Both**
Yeah.
**[16:22] Iri**
When he exposes himself at the end...
**[16:24] Ono**
Ahh...
**[16:25] Iri**
It's just scary.
**[16:25] Fuku**
Oh, the "Hey! Hey!"
**[16:27] Fuku**
"Hey! Hey!"
**[16:28] Ono**
That's scary! That's so scary!
**[16:28] Iri**
I've never heard that sound before.
**[16:31] Ono**
He comes up with voices
you've never heard on the fly.
**[16:33] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[16:33] Oono**
And that's terrifying.
**[16:34] Fuku**
But the fun thing about Ichimatsu
is getting to do stuff like that.
**[16:37] Iri**
It's amazing.
**[16:37] Both**
Yeah.
**[16:38] Iri**
And then there was the ESP kitty...
**[16:40] Fuk**
Oh, with ESP kitty, everyone
says that was a good story...
**[16:43] Iri**
Yeah.
**[16:44] Fuku**
But was it really a good story?
**[16:45] Ono**
That was like a giant set-up for
Karamatsu's punchline at the end.
**[16:49] Fuku**
Right, right.
**[16:50] Fuku**
So it was basically written to make
Karamatsu seem even more unfortunate.
**[16:54] Ono**
Yeah, exactly.
**[16:54] Fuku**
Which would make it bad, right?
**[16:56] Ono**
That was nothing but bad intentions.
**[16:57] Fuku**
Towards Karamatsu.
**[16:58] Ono**
Yeah, totally on purpose.
**[17:00] Fuku**
It's when you realize just how unfortunate
Karamatsu is that you feel for him.
**[17:04] Ono**
Yeah... Ichimatsu's darkness is intense.
**[17:08] Ono**
Like, he turned into a cat, right?
**[17:09] Fuku**
He did.
**[17:10] Ono**
I had no idea what was going on there.
**[17:12] Fuku**
It just suddenly happens in episode two.
**[17:14] Ono**
Yeah, he just meowed out of nowhere.
**[17:16] Fuku**
Right? I had no idea what to do...
**[17:18] Ono**
Then he disappears onto
the top of a building.
**[17:19] Iri**
He's a mystery.
**[17:20] Fuku**
Yeah, totally.
**[17:21] Ono**
He's scary.
**[17:21] Iri**
He's the most mysterious.
**[17:23] Fuku**
But Totty's a mystery, too. How is he a virgin
when he's leading all these girls around?
**[17:28] Iri**
I'm not sure. Maybe something
always gets in his way.
**[17:32] Ono**
Oh, every time he...
**[17:33] Iri**
Maybe he never follows through to the end.
**[17:35] Both**
Ahh...
**[17:36] Iri**
I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty far.
**[17:38] Both**
Yeah.
**[17:38] Fuku**
Or he could actually be hiding
something from everyone.
**[17:43] ---**
Ah, hiding...
**[17:44] Ono**
You think so?
**[17:44] Iri**
Well, there was a later episode
that said Todomatsu was *****.
**[17:49] Fuku**
Oh, yeah, there was.
**[17:51] Ono**
*****.
**[17:52] Iri**
Yeah, there's also *****.
**[17:54] Iri**
But since I've been playing his role,
I totally understand Todomatsu.
**[17:58] Ono**
Really? Like what?
**[18:01] Iri**
Like when he gets called a dried-up monster.
**[18:05] Iri**
Or like, that he knows how to make it in society.
**[18:09] Fuku**
You just said that about yourself!
**[18:10] Ono**
So you're aware of it.
**[18:11] Iri**
Well, I've been doing this since
I was a child actor, so...
**[18:14] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:14] Ono**
That's true.
**[18:16] Ono**
I guess you guys are similar.
**[18:16] Fuku**
Come to think of it, I think we're all
sort of like our characters.
**[18:20] Ono**
Oh! So you're like Ichimatsu?
**[18:21] Fuku**
Jyu...
**[18:21] Ono**
You wanna ask about Jyushimatsu?
**[18:23] Fuku**
Yeah, I do.
**[18:24] Ono**
Okay, bring it on.
**[18:24] Iri**
You and Jyushimatsu were totally being
dissed by the older three earlier.
**[18:28] Ono**
That's right. They were totally dissing us.
**[18:30] Iri**
How you're gonna get more and more boring...
**[18:35] Fuku**
That's a thing you don't recover from.
**[18:36] Ono**
I really wanted to argue that, but...
**[18:40] Iri**
Then you should do that right now.
**[18:40] Ono**
But I couldn't think of anything to say.
**[18:41] Iri**
You couldn't?!
**[18:42] Ono**
Yeah, I bet. I mean, they were right.
**[18:43] Fuku**
They hit the nail on the head?
**[18:44] Ono**
They did. I mean, saying what's in
the script is actually the funniest.
**[18:48] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:49] Ono**
So I want to bring this up right now,
and I'm sure you guys do, too...
**[18:52] Ono**
Everything we say is in the script.
**[18:53] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:54] Ono**
We're reading the script as it is.
**[18:56] Iri**
Yeah.
**[18:56] Fuku**
I actually don't like ad-libbing very much.
**[19:00] Ono**
R-Right... I don't know about your other shows, but...
**[19:02] Fuku**
That's only because they ask me to.
**[19:04] Ono**
Oh, really?
**[19:05] Fuku**
Yeah. In general, I don't want to
change anything in the script.
**[19:09] Iri**
We were getting to the story where Ono-san
**[19:12] Iri**
ad-libbed a part and the whole
thing was omitted, right?
**[19:14] Ono**
Yeah, the whole thing.
**[19:16] Ono**
The thing I did during the water tricks
in "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love."
**[19:20] Iri**
Do it right now.
**[19:21] Ono**
The one where I go "kssshhhh" was...
**[19:23] Ono**
Hey, why did you guys get silent?
**[19:25] Fuku**
Well, when we were watching you do that,
**[19:27] Fuku**
we were saying it'd probably get cut.
**[19:31] Ono**
But you guys said that the more
I did it, the funnier it got...
**[19:36] Ono**
That's why I kept doing it, and when I saw
the broadcast, it was completely gone.
**[19:40] Fuku**
That's because you can only see
something for the first time once.
**[19:43] Ono**
That's true.
**[19:43] Fuku**
The second time, you know what'll happen.
**[19:45] Ono**
Yeah.
**[19:46] Fuku**
Exactly.
**[19:46] Ono**
That's exactly it.
**[19:47] Fuku**
Yup.
**[19:47] Ono**
I was being a bit selfish.
**[19:49] Fuku**
And Kuwashima-san's laugh was great.
**[19:51] Iri**
Yeah, that's true.
**[19:51] Ono**
Yes! That was amazing.
**[19:53] Fukku**
No one but Kuwashima-san
could have done that.
**[19:55] Iri**
Right?
**[19:56] Ono**
And this actually wasn't my idea,
**[19:58] Ono**
but there was a time Karamatsu,
a.k.a. Nakamura-kun, pushed me...
**[20:03] Ono**
The scene where Jyushimatsu answers the phone.
**[20:05] Ono**
The one where he says,
"Hello, this is Jyushimatsu."
**[20:09] Ono**
He kept bugging me to ad-lib, "Hello, this is *****."
**[20:11] Ono**
I remember that!
**[20:13] Ono**
Like, after the rehearsal,
and right before the recording.
**[20:16] Both**
So when I actually did it, I was told,
**[20:18] Ono**
"Jyushimatsu wouldn't do that,
so please try that one more time."
**[20:22] Fuku**
Yeah, when you go a bit too far,
they get really cold.
**[20:25] Ono**
Yeah, we shouldn't.
**[20:26] Fuku**
In episode one, I was planning on
going a bit nuts to set the mood,
**[20:30] Fuu**
and when I was getting hyped up,
the producers behind me
**[20:33] Fuku**
were all giving me dirty looks.
**[20:36] Ono**
Yeah.
**[20:37] Iri**
I remember that.
**[20:38] Iri**
But it's true that Jyushimatsu's
not trying to be funny.
**[20:41] Ono**
Yeah, he's not.
**[20:43] Iri**
Actually, he probably got the
most helpful criticism.
**[20:46] Ono**
And all I could say to that
was "Yes... Yes, right."
**[20:51] Iri**
I remember that.
**[20:52] Ono**
And then apologizing...
**[20:53] Fuku**
Oh, I love Totty's face right here!
**[20:55] Ono**
Oh, that face!
**[20:55] Fukku**
It's amazing!
**[20:56] Ono**
That face is amazing.
**[20:57] Fuku**
It's fantastic.
**[20:58] Iri**
Everyone was talking about it.
**[20:59] Fuku**
That face will go down in anime history.
**[21:00] Iri**
I was so grateful for this, seriously.
**[21:03] Fuku**
You don't often see this face
in Heisei-era anime.
**[21:05] Ono**
There it is again!
**[21:06] Fuku**
That's so good!
**[21:07] Irino**
I'm very grateful to all the staff
members who drew that face.
**[21:08] Ono**
And again, Totty.
**[21:09] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[21:11] Fukku**
I want someone to make a
super-realistic figure of that.
**[21:15] Iri**
Apparently there are a lot
of fans who draw that face.
**[21:19] Fukku**
Yeah.
**[21:19] Ono**
That face...
**[21:21] Fuku**
Well, the first three were
talking about it, as well,
**[21:24] Fuku**
but the reaction to this show is amazing.
**[21:25] Iri**
It is.
**[21:26] Ono**
It really is. Everyone talks to me about it.
**[21:26] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[21:28] ---**
Right?
**[21:28] Ono**
Every recording I go to.
**[21:28] Iri**
I was in a play while we were recording this...
**[21:32] Ono**
Right.
**[21:32] Iri**
One of the actresses, who was a top
Takarazuka actress, said she loved "Osomatsu."
**[21:39] Fuku**
Whoa, seriously?
**[21:40] Ono**
Even people like that are saying that...
**[21:41] Fuku**
So Zuka likes Matsu?
**[21:42] Irino**
"Zuka likes Matsu"? Zuka does like Matsu, yes.
**[21:44] Fuku**
But the other guys said that people
**[21:46] Fuku**
are talking to them about
this show every day, right?
**[21:49] Iri**
Yeah.
**[21:49] Fuku**
No one talks to me about it.
**[21:51] Iri**
That's because Ichimatsu's scary.
**[21:53] Ono**
Yeah. They probably don't know
if they should bring it up.
**[21:54] Fuku**
That's ridiculous!
**[21:56] Ono**
They think they shouldn't mention it.
**[21:56] Fuku**
People talked to me about it
at first, but lately, nothing!
**[22:00] Ono**
Really?
**[22:01] Fuku**
Well, actually, right before this, I recorded
the final episode for another series.
**[22:08] Fuku**
And the creator of that series said to me,
**[22:10] Fuku**
"You were great, Fukuyama-san.
You know what's amazing about you?"
**[22:12] Fuku**
"Your voice on this show is nothing like Ichimatsu's."
I don't know if it was a compliment or not.
**[22:17] Ono**
When someone mentions this
show the first you meet them,
**[22:20] Ono**
you're not sure how to react.
**[22:21] Fuku**
Oh, good point.
**[22:22] Ono**
"N-Nice to meet you.
**[22:23] Ono**
I've been watching your show." Then
I ask what show, and they say this one.
**[22:26] Ono**
Then it sorta gets quiet.
**[22:27] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[22:30] Fuku**
So, whatever you missed
Ono-kun saying during the
**[22:33] Fuku**
commercials can be found on the Blu-ray.
**[22:34] Ono**
Aw, that's too bad. I wanted everyone to hear that.
**[22:34] Iri**
That's totally a lie! Don't lie!
**[22:37] Fuku**
What?
**[22:37] Iri**
Don't lie.
**[22:38] Fuku**
Who cares if it's a lie? It'll get us more sales.
**[22:40] Iri**
Ah, okay, you're right.
**[22:40] Ono**
I see.
**[22:43] Fuku**
Is this going to be on the Blu-ray?
**[22:44] Iri**
No idea.
**[22:45] Ono**
Who knows?
**[22:45] Fuku**
So anyway, we've reached the end.
**[22:48] Ono**
That went by fast.
**[22:49] Fukku**
Remember, it's this year's last Matsu.
**[22:51] Ono**
Matsu.
**[22:51] Irino**
Oh, it's the last Matsu of the year?
**[22:52] Fuku**
The Lastmatsu.
**[22:54] Ono**
Well, it's the end of the year
(nendo*matsu*).
**[22:55] Fuku**
Yup, and at the beginning of the
year, you'll have a kadomatsu.
**[23:00] ---**
Wow...
**[23:02] Ono**
Don't say funny stuff! It's about to end!
**[23:04] Fukku**
Well...
**[23:04] Iri**
Ono-san, you should say something. You're the MC.
**[23:06] Fuku**
Yeah, wrap things up.
**[23:07] Ono**
You weren't even thinking of me as the MC!
**[23:08] Fuku**
We'll all wait (*matsu*) for you to wrap this up.
**[23:10] Ono**
What the... I mean, that was good,
but it keeps getting all quiet for a second!
**[23:15] Iri**
I think there's about a minute left.
**[23:16] Ono**
A minute, huh?
**[23:17] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[23:18] Iri**
Ono-san, say something to wrap this up.
**[23:19] Ono**
Well, who do you think is the biggest loser?
**[23:23] Iri**
All of them.
**[23:25] Fuku**
If we had to pick...
**[23:26] Ono**
Don't say it like that.
**[23:26] Fuku**
Well, we're not picking who's the best.
**[23:28] Ono**
Oh, I see.
**[23:29] Fuku**
Well, who do you think is the biggest loser, D?
**[23:33] Ono**
I think all of them, too...
**[23:34] Iri**
What the heck?
**[23:35] Ono**
Hey, don't sound so disappointed.
**[23:36] Iri**
Well, you complained when I said "all of them," so...
**[23:41] Fuku**
Right?
**[23:41] Ono**
Well, maybe Dekapan, then.
**[23:42] Fuku**
But he's not a Matsu.
**[23:44] Fuku**
Okay! So, we've come to the end...
**[23:46] Iri**
Crap, we're really ending with this? Wow...
**[23:47] Fuku**
So, uh, I think you'll all be very surprised
by the first episode of the new year.
**[23:52] Iri**
Yes.
**[23:52] Fuku**
So...
**[23:53] Ono**
Yes.
**[23:53] Fuku**
Please look forward to the first
"Osomatsu-san" episode of the new year.
**[23:57] Fuku**
See you again, everyone.
**[23:59] Iri**
Oh, that was great. Thank you very much.
**[23:59] Ono**
Thank you!
**[24:00] Iri**
Oh, there's the sponsors! We love you!
**[24:02] Ono**
We love you!
**[24:02] Irino**
We love you so much!
**[24:03] Irino**
We love you! We love you!
**[24:04] Ono**
We really love you!
**[24:05] Fuku**
Give us lots of work!
**[24:06] Iri**
Give us... yeah!
**[24:06] Ono**
You're the best!
**[24:07] Fuku**
Give us lots of work! Lots!
**[24:08] Iri**
So cute!
# E13 - Sanematsu-san / Girlymatsu-san / Accident?
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR75K40NY/sanematsu-san--girlymatsu-san--accident)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** -Our Story So Far-
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
***SIGN*** No Smoking
in the Office
**[00:06] Boss**
Sanematsu-kun, are you even trying?
**[00:09] Boss**
If this keeps up, I might
have to have you quit.
**[00:13] Lady**
Sanematsu-san, I asked you to
take care of this, didn't I?
**[00:19] Guy**
Please take care of this by the
end of today, Sanematsu-senpai.
**[00:24] Lady**
No, he totally groped me!
**[00:28] Sane**
I did not.
**[00:29] Lady**
You totally did!
**[00:32] Guy**
Well, I have to take her at her word.
Could I get your name, sir?
**[00:37] Sane**
But I didn't—
**[00:38] Guy**
Your name!
**[00:41] Sane**
It...
**[00:43] Sane**
It's Sanematsu...
***SIGN*** Weekly Serial Drama
Sanematsu-san
***SIGN*** Episode 3
***SIGN*** Oden Fair All Year Round
***SIGN*** Incoming Call
***SIGN*** Mom
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
**[01:38] Sane**
Good morning.
**[01:47] Kaoru**
Good morning.
**[01:50] Sane**
Good morning.
**[02:25] Kaoru**
You got food from the convenience
store again, Sanematsu-san?
**[02:29] Kaoru**
You need to eat right.
**[02:31] Kaoru**
Say, why don't we get lunch together?
**[02:33] Sane**
Huh? I, uh...
**[02:36] Guy**
Kaoruko-chan.
**[02:37] Guy**
Sanematsu-senpai likes to eat
alone. Don't you, Senpai?
**[02:42] Guy**
Come on. Let's go.
**[02:50] Boss**
I guess you do get hungry, at least.
**[03:28] Person**
I'm done!
**[03:30] Sane**
Thanks for your hard work.
**[03:32] Boss**
Sanematsu-kun.
**[03:33] Boss**
I have something else I'd like you to do today.
**[03:37] Boss**
You have time, right?
**[03:40] Sane**
Huh? Uh... Not today, actually...
**[03:49] Boss**
"Not today, actually"? He never stays late.
**[03:54] Guy**
He's unmarried, almost forty, and no girlfriend.
**[03:57] Guy**
What could he possibly be
in a hurry to get home for?
**[04:03] Guy**
Hey, Kaoruko-chan. Wanna go for a drink?
***SIGN*** Interactive Supermarket
***SIGN*** Time Sale 50% Off
***SIGN*** Winter Items Special Sale
**[04:32] Sane**
I'm home!
**[04:34] Five**
Welcome back!
**[04:42] Six**
Let's eat!
**[04:47] Sane**
Hey, Kadomatsu, don't eat just meat.
**[04:51] Hira**
You're such a kid, Kadomatsu-niisan.
**[04:54] Kado**
Shut up.
**[04:56] Sane**
Hiramatsu.
**[04:56] Hira**
Hm?
**[04:57] Sane**
Grab me a plate.
**[04:58] Hira**
Sure.
**[05:01] Sane**
Thanks.
**[05:03] Sane**
Oh, yeah. Sutematsu.
**[05:04] Sute**
Yeah?
**[05:05] Sane**
I stopped by Qlo Qlo on my way home today...
**[05:10] Sane**
Here. It must be rough
commuting by bike every day.
**[05:14] Sute**
Thanks, Sanematsu-niisan!
**[05:16] Hira**
Aw, it's not fair that only
Sutematsu-niisan gets something.
**[05:19] Sane**
I just got you a scarf not long ago, Hiramatsu.
**[05:23] Sute**
Yay!
**[05:24] Hira**
Boo.
**[05:27] Toku**
But you're amazing, Sanematsu-niisan.
**[05:29] Toku**
You work, cook, and take care of us, too.
**[05:34] Sane**
What's with you, Tokumatsu?
Flattery will get you nowhere.
**[05:38] Kado**
Tokumatsu, you just want money, don't you?
**[05:41] Toku**
I do not!
**[05:42] Kado**
You always use the same method.
It's way too obvious.
**[05:49] Sane**
Hey, Kikumatsu.
**[05:51] Sane**
Is your new job going well?
**[05:53] Kiku**
Huh? Well, I guess it's... going.
**[05:57] Hira**
Always taking things at your own pace, huh?
**[06:00] Sane**
Kikumatsu, once you're a part of society,
**[06:02] Sane**
you need to consider those around you.
**[06:04] Kiku**
Like you can talk, Sanematsu-niisan.
You hate people.
**[06:07] Hira**
True.
**[06:10] Sane**
Hey, I do not.
**[06:27] Guy**
Hey! Come on!
**[06:44] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[06:51] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[06:59] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[07:05] Sane**
Hey, Kikumatsu.
**[07:07] Sane**
Is your new job going well?
**[07:09] Kiku**
Huh? Well, I guess it's... going.
**[07:12] Hira**
Always taking things at your own pace, huh?
***SIGN*** End
**[07:38] Nar**
Next time on "Sanematsu-san"...
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[07:40] Nar**
Kadomatsu gets married,
**[07:41] Nar**
Hiramatsu changes his image,
**[07:43] Nar**
Kikumatsu has a secret,
**[07:45] Nar**
and Akamatsu, Shigematsu,
and Tokiwamatsu appear.
**[07:48] Nar**
Next time: "Which One Is Sanematsu?"
***SIGN*** Episode 4: Which One Is Sanematsu?
**[07:51] Nar**
Look forward to it.
**[07:54] All**
Osoko!
**[07:55] Oso**
Hi!
**[07:56] Oso**
* I'm told that I'm the reliable, no-nonsense*
* type, but I can be cute, too!*
**[08:01] All**
Karako!
**[08:03] Kara**
Heyo!
**[08:04] Kara**
* Not bad. You managed to*
* keep up with me. You pass!*
***SIGN*** Anime Kan
**[08:08] All**
Choroko!
**[08:10] Choro**
What?
***SIGN*** Fu
**[08:11] Choro**
*Do you prefer Chibi x Dayo, or Dayo x Chibi?*
**[08:13] Choro**
*Iya x Hata is definitely no good, though.*
**[08:16] All**
Ichiko!
**[08:17] Ichi**
Yes?
**[08:19] Ichi**
* Living is all about the balance between*
* soul and body. Do you understand?*
**[08:24] All**
Jyushiko!
**[08:27] Jyu**
*Hey, I totally just saw that guy!*
**[08:29] Jyu**
*That young, handsome, hot actor guy!*
***SIGN*** Mount Matsuo
**[08:32] All**
Todoko!
**[08:34] Todo**
Yahoo!
**[08:36] Todo**
* Hey, guys. All of us on Earth are*
* friends riding the same spaceship, right?*
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[08:40] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
**[08:44] Oso**
Hey, we're already here.
**[08:46] Oso**
Yeah, we'll wait, but just hurry up.
**[08:50] Oso**
Okay, got it.
**[08:52] Oso**
He said they have overtime.
**[08:54] Oso**
God, they have some nerve,
making girls wait.
**[08:57] Ichi**
I wonder if they really have overtime.
**[09:00] Ichi**
Did you make sure, Osoko?
**[09:02] Jyu**
Wait, what? What's that mean, Ichiko?
**[09:05] Ichi**
Maybe they're trying to escape.
**[09:07] Choro**
Or maybe...
**[09:09] Choro**
The boss grabbed the
subordinate by the necktie,
**[09:11] Choro**
and said, "I'm never letting
you go," or something!
**[09:15] Kara**
There it is! Choroko's delusions!
**[09:17] Kara**
Seriously, you only think
of the most pervy things.
**[09:20] Choro**
What? You must be talking about yourself.
**[09:22] Kara**
I vent everything out with sports.
**[09:24] Ichi**
You liar. I know you're a slave to lust.
**[09:30] Todo**
So pervy and gross.
**[09:32] Kara**
What the heck? You two are so mean!
**[09:34] Oso**
Hey, stop arguing. You're
gonna scare the guys away.
**[09:38] ---**
Hmph.
**[09:40] Jyu**
Hey, Osoko. What are the guys
that are coming today like?
**[09:44] Oso**
They're my juniors at work.
**[09:45] Jyu**
Oh, so they're younger!
**[09:47] Oso**
They're good guys.
They adore me like an older sister.
**[09:51] Kara**
You teaching them all sorts of things?
**[09:55] Todo**
Ugh, stop saying vulgar things like that, Karako.
**[09:59] Kara**
Oh, please. Stop trying to act
like you're better than us.
**[10:02] Kara**
I know you're the nastiest one of us all.
**[10:05] Jyu**
Wait, what? What's that mean?
**[10:07] Ichi**
I don't know if you're trying to be
a forest girl or a mountain girl,
**[10:10] Ichi**
but you ask a guy to go hiking with you
**[10:13] Ichi**
just so you can have him carry your
bags and pay all the expenses.
**[10:16] Todo**
That's not true! They just offer...
**[10:19] Ichi**
Then you could decline.
**[10:21] Ichi**
You say you're the warm type,
but you know exactly what you're doing.
**[10:23] Todo**
Don't make it sound so bad.
**[10:25] Kara**
You're the personification of a sly fox.
**[10:28] Oso**
You guys might not get it yet,
but that also lets the guys save face.
**[10:34] Oso**
Right, Todoko?
**[10:35] Todo**
R-Right.
**[10:36] Oso**
We girls have a duty to let guys
comfortably pay for us.
**[10:42] Oso**
You all take being popular too lightly.
**[10:44] Oso**
You have to think about popularity every day.
**[10:47] Oso**
At times, it's the freedom
you have by being younger.
**[10:49] Oso**
At times, it's being approachable to peers.
**[10:51] Oso**
And at times, it's the cuteness
your youth gives you.
**[10:54] Oso**
I wouldn't call it trying to get attention,
but... How do I put this...
**[10:58] Oso**
Being a girl can be difficult.
**[11:00] Ichi**
Get real, Osoko.
**[11:01] Oso**
What?!
**[11:02] Ichi**
You'd go that far just to be popular?
**[11:04] Ichi**
I don't get it at all. It's so strange.
**[11:06] Jyu**
I know, right? It's totally okay
if you're popular just because,
**[11:10] Jyu**
but trying so hard to be popular
is just greedy and lame.
**[11:13] Oso**
Then stop with the love-me-I'm-loose makeup!
**[11:17] Oso**
"It's not like I'm asking them to treat me nice,
**[11:19] Oso**
but they do, so I don't know what to do.
**[11:21] Oso**
Does that mean they like me?"
**[11:24] ---**
Are you bragging about that?
Of course you are!
**[11:27] Oso**
I see right through it
because you're so shallow!
**[11:29] Oso**
And you guys stupid enough to fall for
the cute, fragile act are just as bad!
**[11:33] Oso**
You shithead guys must be blind!
**[11:35] Oso**
Girls who try to get prettier by fucking
are expected to be two or three-timers.
**[11:38] Oso**
Why don't you get that those terrifying
girls are listening to your love issues
**[11:41] Oso**
on purpose just to get some,
and don't care if you're married or not?
**[11:43] Oso**
I spend so much time getting close
to guys with my older sister character,
**[11:46] Oso**
luring them in slowly, and just when
I'm about to get my claws into them,
**[11:48] Oso**
they get stolen away from me! Why?!
**[11:50] Oso**
Are guys stupid? Are guys
seriously that stupid?!
**[11:53] Oso**
Die!
**[11:56] Jyu**
That's so mean, Osoko...
Is that what you think of me?
**[12:02] Jyu**
But I guess that's my fault, too.
**[12:04] Jyu**
Because I was insensitive and annoyed everyone.
**[12:10] Jyu**
I guess you'd be better off if I weren't here at all!
**[12:15] Ichi**
I know how you feel.
**[12:17] Jyu**
Ichiko...
**[12:18] Ichi**
No one is a bigger enemy
to women than other women.
**[12:21] Jyu**
Huh?
**[12:22] Ichi**
The other day,
**[12:24] Ichi**
someone from work asked me if it was
true that I have partial dentures...
**[12:28] Ichi**
On purpose.
**[12:29] Todo**
Wait, do you?
**[12:31] Ichi**
To be precise, they're implants,
not partial dentures.
**[12:34] Choro**
Gum disease?
**[12:34] Ichi**
Who cares what it is?
**[12:36] Ichi**
What are they implying by "partial
dentures"? That my breath stinks?
**[12:39] Ichi**
That's so rude!
**[12:43] Choro**
Ichiko, I've never mentioned this,
**[12:47] Choro**
but your breath really does stink.
**[12:48] Ichi**
Huh?!
**[12:49] Choro**
It kind of smells like sewage.
**[12:51] Ichi**
No way!
**[12:52] Kara**
Maybe it's an internal problem.
**[12:54] Ichi**
What? You don't change your
underwear for, like, three days.
**[12:57] Ichi**
You stink way more than me, Karako!
**[12:59] Choro**
Ew, that's disgusting.
**[13:00] Kara**
I can't help it if I can't take a bath!
**[13:03] Kara**
I at least turn them inside-out!
**[13:05] Todo**
You can't be serious!
**[13:07] Todo**
I always thought you smelled
like an old man, Karako.
**[13:10] Todo**
But it actually goes beyond that.
You're more like a wild animal.
**[13:12] Todo**
Like, you'd do your business anywhere,
even if people were looking.
**[13:15] Choro**
She went there!
**[13:17] Kara**
Who are you calling an animal, huh?!
**[13:20] Kara**
All you guys think about all
day is fuck, fuck, fucking!
**[13:23] Kara**
All you think about is fucking all day!
**[13:25] Kara**
You're more like animals than I am!
**[13:28] Oso**
Karako, stop!
**[13:31] Oso**
I know you're actually a good person, Karako.
**[13:35] Oso**
I know you felt bad when
a dragonfly got stuck,
**[13:37] Oso**
but tore it in half when
you tried to pull it free.
**[13:39] Oso**
And that you felt bad when a dog wouldn't
leave your side, so you threw water on it.
**[13:42] Oso**
I know all of that.
**[13:46] Kara**
Osoko...
**[13:47] Oso**
We'll be friends forever.
**[13:49] Ichi**
We're all soulmates of the soul.
**[13:51] Jyu**
Let's stay BFFs even when
we're all old and wrinkly.
**[13:54] Todo**
It's a promise!
**[13:55] Choro**
We don't even need men!
***SIGN*** Incoming Call
**[14:04] Oso**
Hey, what are you doing?
**[14:06] Oso**
What? You can't come?
**[14:08] Oso**
Why?!
**[14:09] Oso**
Hey!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** "Accident?"
**[14:19] Oso**
Man... I already lost on New Year's...
**[14:32] Oso**
I'm home.
**[16:16] Oso**
So good! It's so good!
**[16:19] Jyu**
So good! So good!
**[16:23] Dad**
This is great, dear.
**[16:24] Mom**
So good.
**[16:28] Todo**
What's wrong, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[16:31] Oso**
Could you hand me the ladle, Choromatsu?
**[16:43] Oso**
Ow, that's hot!
**[16:45] Oso**
Are you stupid? Are you friggin' stupid?!
**[16:47] Todo**
What are you doing?
**[16:48] Choro**
Oh, my bad. I guess there are things
you just shouldn't do, even as brothers.
**[16:53] Choro**
My bad.
**[16:56] Oso**
What the heck? That was
actually almost funny.
**[17:00] Todo**
Wait, did you do something, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[17:02] Oso**
Not really. I just accidentally
saw Choromatsu jer—
**[17:06] Choro**
Hey! Don't say it!
**[17:07] Oso**
Oh, who cares? We're brothers.
**[17:10] Choro**
It's even worse because we're brothers!
**[17:12] Oso**
Look, it's nothing to worry about...
**[17:15] Oso**
Fappymatsu.
**[17:17] Todo**
Hold on! Apologize to him!
**[17:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:20] Todo**
Come on, you can't call
him Fappymatsu. I mean...
**[17:23] Todo**
It's too funny!
**[17:26] Choro**
* This sucks. They're going to*
* tease me about this for life.*
**[17:31] Choro**
Hey.
**[17:33] Choro**
I always hated that about you.
**[17:37] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:37] Choro**
You have no tact.
Why would you say that?
**[17:39] Choro**
All you want is attention,
you boorish human. Die.
**[17:42] Oso**
What?
**[17:43] Oso**
If we're going there,
**[17:44] Oso**
who's the one who borrowed this boorish
human's dirty magazine without asking?
**[17:49] Todo**
What? Fappymatsu-niisan
did something that vile?
**[17:52] Kara**
I'm kinda shocked.
**[17:53] Ichi**
That's wrong.
**[17:54] Jyu**
So wrong!
**[17:55] Oso**
Uh, I know that all of you do the same thing.
**[17:59] Todo**
I-I have my own hidden in my closet.
**[18:03] Kara**
Mine's behind the bookshelf.
**[18:05] Ichi**
Mine's under the floor.
***SIGN*** Everybody's Bug Encyclopedia
**[18:07] Jyu**
Mine's in the attic.
**[18:08] Choro**
How many dirty magazines are in this house?!
**[18:11] Oso**
But I'm fine with all of that.
**[18:13] Oso**
I mean, we're all brothers. I don't care
if you guys are pervs or weirdos.
**[18:17] Oso**
And yet, this guy...
**[18:19] Oso**
Is he trying to act like he's better than us?
**[18:22] Oso**
Especially when he tries to act
like he's looking for a job!
**[18:25] Oso**
You haven't even done anything!
**[18:27] Oso**
What you *are* doing is going
to your room alone to fa—
**[18:30] Oso**
Ow! Chorofappyski!
**[18:31] Choro**
Who the hell is Chorofappyski?!
**[18:33] Oso**
Chorofappyski! Chorofappyski!
**[18:33] Choro**
I'm not some historical figure! I'm your brother!
**[18:46] Todo**
Come on, stop it, you two.
You're not kids anymore.
**[18:50] Oso**
Aww, we got scolded by the youngest
because of Alexfapper Graham Bell.
**[18:54] Choro**
Who the hell is Alexfapper Graham Bell?!
**[18:57] Todo**
You're in the wrong here, Osomatsu-niisan.
Idol otaku have their pride, you know.
**[19:02] Oso**
Uh-oh. You totally stepped on a landmine.
**[19:04] Choro**
You shouldn't even exist,
and you have the nerve to say that?
**[19:08] Todo**
Sh-Shouldn't even exist?
**[19:09] Choro**
Yeah. I mean, sextuplets are sort of half-assed.
**[19:12] Choro**
Five or seven would have been better.
**[19:14] Todo**
Huh?!
**[19:15] Choro**
Having an even number is sort of blah.
**[19:17] Choro**
We can't have a center. But if we had five...
**[19:21] Choro**
It just works.
**[19:25] Jyu**
The "Totty shouldn't exist" theory.
**[19:26] Todo**
Piss off!
**[19:28] Todo**
Stop moving away from me!
**[19:30] Todo**
You know, if I weren't around,
we brothers would be in trouble!
**[19:32] Todo**
From the top, we have stupid, painful,
Fappymatsu, Kittymatsu, and Jyushimatsu!
**[19:36] Todo**
Who would be the good-looking one?
**[19:38] Ichi**
Uh, you're not really that attractive.
**[19:41] Ichi**
You're just sly. It gets boring after a while.
**[19:44] Todo**
Shut up!
**[19:46] Todo**
Actually, why don't you drop that
character already, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[19:50] Ichi**
Huh? What character?
**[19:51] Todo**
You're totally a normie.
That was proven with the ESP kitty.
**[19:58] Todo**
"I'm sorry, too." You're totally normal!
**[20:01] Todo**
Zero darkness! Normal fourth brother!
**[20:06] Ichi**
Bye!
**[20:07] Todo**
Hey! Don't take those!
**[20:11] Kara**
If you guys have any problems
with me, you can just tell m—
**[20:17] Kara**
Huh?
**[20:21] Jyu**
Gotcha!
**[20:24] Jyu**
Here I go!
**[20:29] Jyu**
Personal best!
**[20:32] Choro**
Actually, when did Jyushimatsu
start acting like this?
**[20:32] Jyu**
Butterfly!
**[20:34] Jyu**
Crawl!
**[20:35] Choro**
He wasn't like this as a kid, was he?
**[20:36] Jyu**
And then butterfly!
**[20:37] Todo**
He might actually have the most
emotional darkness of all of us.
**[20:37] Jyu**
Breaststroke, and then butterfly! Butterfly!
**[20:40] Choro**
Creepy!
**[20:42] Jyu**
Whoa, really? Total downer.
**[20:45] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[20:48] Choro**
That's exactly what I'm—
**[20:49] Oso**
Fappymatsu.
**[20:51] Oso**
Sorry about today. I made this
so that it won't ever happen again.
***SIGN*** Caution: Fapping in Progress
**[20:56] Oso**
Use it next time.
**[20:58] Choro**
You're making fun of me!
**[21:00] Oso**
What the hell?!
**[21:02] Todo**
That's enough!
**[21:03] Ichi**
Hey, Totty, is this your collection?
**[21:05] Todo**
Hey! When did you—
**[21:15] Choro**
Who threw that?
**[21:21] Ichi**
That stinks!
**[21:23] Kra**
Stop!
**[21:25] Todo**
Stop it!
**[21:26] Oso**
No! What the hell are you doing?!
**[21:29] Choro**
Why, you...
**[21:29] Choro**
Ow!
**[21:32] Jyu**
Hi-yah!
**[21:35] Guys**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[21:36] Guys**
Your feet reek!
**[21:38] Guys**
*Your* feet reek!
**[21:52] Oso**
Pass the soy sauce, Choromatsu.
**[21:54] Choro**
Here.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:31] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:32] Todo**
Man, is it ever cold.
**[23:33] Todo**
This is the season when cheese
fondue tastes the best.
**[23:35] Todo**
Though we'd never be able to eat
something that fancy at my house.
**[23:39] Todo**
We always have our imaginary cheese
fondue in our imaginary terrace house
**[23:42] Todo**
and imagine we're having fun
with our imaginary friends.
***SIGN*** "We Caught a Cold" "Todomatsu's Line" "Choromatsu-sensei"
**[23:45] Todo**
Huh? You don't know what I'm talking about?
**[23:48] Todo**
Neither do I.
# E14 - We Caught a Cold / Todomatsu's Line / Choromatsu-sensei
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6X032PNY/we-caught-a-cold--todomatsus-line--choromatsu-sensei)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "We Caught a Cold"
**[01:39] Todo**
Choo! Choo!
**[01:41] Ichi**
Hmph! You're trying to be sly,
even when you sneeze.
**[01:44] Ichi**
You want to be called cute so bad,
you'd use a cold? Gross.
**[01:47] Ichi**
Achooey.
**[01:48] Choro**
What the hell? I can't even bother to
retort right now, so quit it, Ichimatsu.
**[01:52] Kara**
Ah... Is this how I'm going to die?
**[01:55] Kara**
Goodbye, Karamatsu Girls.
**[01:59] Choro**
Let's just try to sleep.
**[02:04] Oso**
Who wants to go play pachinko?!
**[02:06] Oso**
Look! They got new machines in.
**[02:08] Oso**
We totally have to go.
**[02:09] Oso**
I feel like I'll get a ton of balls today.
**[02:13] Oso**
Though I say that all the time.
**[02:14] Oso**
The best part about pachinko
is right before you go.
**[02:17] Oso**
It's just like porn.
**[02:18] Oso**
You're the most excited when
you're trying to choose one, yup!
**[02:22] Oso**
Huh?
**[02:23] Oso**
What? What's wrong?
**[02:25] Todo**
I'm not going...
**[02:26] Oso**
You're not going? Why?
**[02:28] Todo**
Because I have a cold.
**[02:29] Oso**
Y-You have a cold?!
**[02:31] Choro**
How the hell could you not tell?
**[02:33] Choro**
It should be obvious we feel like crap.
**[02:35] Oso**
You'll feel better if you go play pachinko.
**[02:36] Choro**
Like hell we will!
**[02:37] Oso**
Aw, what the heck?
**[02:40] Oso**
Okay, then your big brother
will take care of you guys.
**[02:43] Choro**
What do you mean, take care of us?
Please, don't do anything unnecessary.
**[02:47] Choro**
Hey! What are you doing with our wallets?
**[02:50] Oso**
I'm gonna go buy some stuff.
**[02:52] Choro**
Hey!
**[02:59] Oso**
I lost. I didn't win any at all.
**[03:03] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan, give him our cold.
**[03:06] ---**
Gladly.
**[03:08] Oso**
Uh... Huh?
**[03:13] Oso**
Don't french kiss me!
**[03:18] Choro**
What the hell? Are those
supposed to be sneezes?
**[03:20] Oso**
Newspapers!
**[03:21] Choro**
You totally just said
"newspapers," didn't you?
**[03:22] Ichi**
Huh? Where's Totty?
**[03:24] Kara**
Oh... Apparently he's better now.
**[03:27] Kara**
He said he'd take care of us.
**[03:30] Ichi**
Oh...
***SIGN*** Flammable
**[03:54] Oso**
Hey, Todo—
**[03:59] All**
Huh?
**[04:01] All**
Huh?
**[04:03] All**
Huh?!
**[04:09] Todo**
Aw, it finally happened.
I caught my cold back.
**[04:13] Oso**
That's not the point here!
Why did you burn us, Todomatsu?!
**[04:17] Todo**
Well, I'm sort of a neat freak.
**[04:19] Oso**
That wasn't being a neat freak.
It was attempted murder.
**[04:22] Choro**
Huh? Where's Ichimatsu?
**[04:24] Kara**
Oh, apparently he got better.
He said he'd take care of us.
**[04:28] Choro**
I have nothing but bad feelings about this.
**[04:33] Oso**
This is unexpected.
**[04:35] Choro**
Yeah, it is.
**[04:36] Todo**
Yeah.
**[04:37] Oso**
To think that doll of darkness
has the heart to take care of us.
**[04:43] All**
Huh?
**[04:44] Ichi**
You want these? Well, do you?
**[04:49] Ichi**
You want these ice-cold towels that
were soaked in ice water, don't you?
**[04:54] Four**
W-We want them...
**[04:56] Ichi**
You want them?
**[04:57] Ichi**
Don't you mean, "May we have them, please?"
**[04:59] All**
M-May we have them, please?
**[05:01] Ichi**
May you have them?
**[05:03] Ichi**
Don't you mean, "We are
nothing but male pigs,
**[05:04] Ichi**
but please cool down our feverish
bodies, Ichimatsu-sama"?
**[05:09] Four**
We are nothing but male pigs,
**[05:11] Four**
but please cool down our feverish
bodies, Ichimatsu-sama.
**[05:14] Ichi**
"Ichimatsu-sama."
**[05:16] Four**
Ichimatsu-sama!
**[05:17] Ichi**
"Let our foreheads have it."
**[05:18] Four**
Let our foreheads have it!
**[05:20] Ichi**
"Please, hurry and give it to us."
**[05:22] Four**
Please, hurry and give it to us!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Well, I guess I don't have a choice.
**[05:29] Ichi**
Here's your reward.
**[05:34] Ichi**
This is what you wanted, isn't it?
**[05:38] Ichi**
Hurry up and get better, you pigs!
**[05:40] Ichi**
Otherwise I'll kill you!
**[05:42] Four**
Yes, Ichimatsu-sama!
**[05:46] Ichi**
I caught my cold back.
**[05:48] Choro**
What kind of roleplay was that?
**[05:49] Ichi**
Taking care of sick people is hard.
**[05:51] Choro**
That wasn't taking care of us,
it was obedience training.
**[05:55] Kara**
Heh. I'm better now.
**[06:00] Kara**
You can entrust your care to me, brothers.
**[06:02] Kara**
Is there anything you want?
**[06:04] Kara**
What? Water?
**[06:06] Kara**
All right, got it!
**[06:08] Kara**
Leave it to me, brothers!
**[06:11] Kara**
Brothers?
**[06:16] Kara**
*Tap water just won't do for my brothers.*
**[06:21] Kara**
* I will present them with the best,*
* the ultimate water from melted snow.*
**[06:27] Kara**
*But...*
**[06:32] Kara**
It's so cold...
**[06:36] Kara**
Water... Give me water...
**[06:41] Choro**
And that's the end of that.
Now let's actually get some sleep.
**[06:43] Choro**
We seriously have to get better.
**[06:45] Oso**
Yeah.
**[06:46] Choro**
Goodnight.
**[06:47] All**
Goodnight.
**[06:52] Jyu**
I'm all better!
**[06:54] Oso**
* Crap... His recovery is the*
* last thing we want right now.*
**[06:57] Choro**
*Ignore him! Just ignore him!*
**[06:58] Todo**
*Pay no attention to him!*
**[07:01] Jyu**
Okay! I'm gonna break everyone's curse!
**[07:04] Oso**
It's not a curse!
**[07:11] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:11] Oso**
*Wh-What is happening?!*
**[07:12] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:13] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:14] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:18] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:19] Jyu**
We've shrunk!
**[07:22] Jyu**
Okay, here we go!
**[07:23] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[07:24] Oso**
Wh-What is this?!
**[07:29] Todo**
No!
**[07:47] Jyu**
Hup, two! Hup, two! Hup, two!
**[07:52] Jyu**
There! All better!
**[07:54] Jyu**
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
**[08:03] Mom**
Please, Doctor, fix them.
***SIGN*** Gargle and Wash Your Hands
***SIGN*** Let's Wear a Mask
**[08:06] Mom**
What on earth happened to my NEETs?
**[08:10] Oso**
We two-seam to be better.
**[08:12] Kara**
We aced those germs!
**[08:13] Choro**
RBI think we're better.
**[08:14] Ichi**
Let's get back in the ring!
**[08:17] Todo**
Get your ice-cold beers!
**[08:19] Mom**
Doctor!
**[08:20] Doc**
I have no idea. What is this sickness?
**[08:24] Mom**
Doctor, Jyushimatsu... Jyushimatsu...
**[08:26] Some**
Hup, two! Hup, two!
**[08:27] Mom**
One of him is more than enough!
**[08:27] All**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:32] All**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
***SIGN*** End
**[08:33] Jyu**
Yeah, they sure are loud!
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu's Line"
**[08:40] Kara**
*Me... listening to the sound of the wind.*
**[08:47] Kara**
*Me... smelling the scent of the sky.*
**[08:54] Kara**
*And me... basking in the sunshine.*
**[09:04] Kara**
*It's coming down... It's coming down to me!*
**[09:10] Kara**
One, two... One, two, three!
**[09:18] Jyu**
Hey, something fell.
**[09:23] Ichi**
There, there. Good kitty.
**[09:34] Oso**
Hey, Totty. You goin' somewhere?
**[09:36] Todo**
Yeah. I'm gonna go to the gym.
**[09:38] Oso**
'Kay.
**[09:41] Oso**
Huh?
**[09:42] Oso**
Wait, Totty, what?!
**[09:46] Oso**
You... go to the gym?
**[09:49] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:50] Oso**
I didn't know that.
**[09:52] Todo**
Well, I never told you.
**[09:55] Oso**
What? What's up with that?
**[09:57] Oso**
Why didn't you tell me?
**[09:59] Oso**
I had no idea.
**[10:01] Todo**
I'm just going to the gym.
**[10:02] Todo**
Do I have to tell my brothers that?
**[10:04] Oso**
Of course you do. You should
always report changes like that.
**[10:10] Kara**
I just fell off the roof.
**[10:13] Choro**
Which gym?
**[10:15] Todo**
The one by the station.
Membership's pretty cheap.
**[10:18] Todo**
Someone in my Go club
told me about it recently.
**[10:21] Todo**
Well, later.
**[10:22] Choro**
Hang on!
**[10:23] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:24] Choro**
Wait... Totty, you play Go?
**[10:27] Todo**
Yeah.
**[10:28] Choro**
I didn't know that.
**[10:29] Todo**
I never told you.
**[10:30] Choro**
Why didn't you tell me?
**[10:33] Todo**
Again, do I have to tell my brothers that?
**[10:35] Choro**
What? Why wouldn't you?
**[10:37] Choro**
I think if you said, "I started playing Go
recently," it'd be a pretty interesting topic.
**[10:41] Todo**
Really?
**[10:43] Kara**
A semi truck ran over my toes recentl—
**[10:45] Jyu**
Is Go fun?
**[10:47] Kara**
Huh?
**[10:48] Todo**
It is! And the club is free.
**[10:51] Jyu**
Wow.
**[10:52] Todo**
But I wanted to do something physical.
**[10:54] Todo**
I haven't exercised properly
since I climbed Mount Fuji.
**[10:58] Todo**
Well, later.
**[10:59] Both**
Hang on!
**[11:00] Todo**
Hm?
**[11:01] Oso**
What do you mean, Mount Fuji?!
**[11:02] Choro**
What? You climbed it?!
**[11:03] Todo**
Yeah...
**[11:04] Oso**
When?
**[11:04] Todo**
Huh? Uh... about two years ago, I think?
**[11:07] Oso**
That's a while ago.
**[11:09] Choro**
Um, Totty... Why don't
you tell us these things?
**[11:11] Todo**
Seriously, do I have to tell my brothers—
**[11:14] Both**
Yes, you do!
**[11:15] Oso**
Going to the gym and
playing Go aren't a big deal.
**[11:17] Oso**
But you should have mentioned Mount Fuji!
**[11:18] Oso**
That's something you
should definitely mention!
**[11:21] Kara**
I've been climbing that mountain called lif—
**[11:24] Choro**
Who did you go with?
**[11:26] Todo**
Huh? Who did I go with?
**[11:27] Choro**
Who did you go up Mount Fuji with?!
**[11:29] Totty**
Oh...
**[11:31] Totty**
I went by myself.
**[11:33] Totty**
*I went by myself... I went by myself...*
**[11:39] Oso**
What's with that?! That's terrifying!
**[11:42] Oso**
I'm not sure I know anything
about our youngest brother!
**[11:44] Choro**
S-Say, Totty...
**[11:46] Todo**
Hm?
**[11:47] Choro**
Don't look at me like that
with those bright eyes!
**[11:49] Todo**
What?
**[11:49] Choro**
Sit down for a sec. We have to talk about this.
**[11:52] Todo**
Aw, but I'm going to the gy—
**[11:54] Both**
Who the hell cares about the gym?! Sit down!
**[11:58] Todo**
Why? Why are you so angry?
**[12:01] Oso**
Listen, Totty.
**[12:03] Todo**
Hm?
**[12:03] Choro**
Seriously, stop looking at us
with those innocent eyes.
**[12:06] Oso**
I've been thinking this for a while,
**[12:08] Oso**
but there are a lot of things you don't tell us.
**[12:11] Oso**
Why is that? We're your brothers, so tell us.
**[12:14] Oso**
Let's tell each other things.
**[12:15] Todo**
Well, I didn't think I needed to
tell you, since we're brothers.
**[12:18] Todo**
Not to mention, we're all
adults over twenty now.
**[12:21] Todo**
It seems pretty creepy to
tell you guys everything.
**[12:23] Oso**
Yeah, I get that. I see your point.
**[12:26] Oso**
But we're talking about Mount Fuji here.
**[12:28] Oso**
I'd probably still be telling you
guys about that when I got old.
**[12:33] Oso**
Isn't that normal?
**[12:34] Todo**
Hmm...
**[12:35] Choro**
Seriously? You don't get it?
**[12:38] Oso**
Also, your smartphone.
**[12:39] Oso**
Smartphone?
**[12:40] Oso**
You just suddenly had one.
**[12:42] Oso**
You never said you were going to buy one,
and you never told us after you did.
**[12:47] Oso**
Where did you even get the money?
**[12:51] Oso**
And then there's Sutabaa.
**[12:52] Oso**
Don't secretly get a job. Tell us.
**[12:55] Oso**
Besides, we're all NEETs.
**[12:57] Oso**
Don't you think it's wrong for one of us
**[12:59] Oso**
to get a job on his own?
**[13:01] Todo**
Hmm...
**[13:05] Todo**
I don't think so.
**[13:07] Oso**
Oh, so you don't. I guess
it can't be helped, then.
**[13:10] Todo**
Nope. Can't be helped.
**[13:15] Oso**
Of course you can help it! Tell us!
**[13:18] Oso**
My loneliness is strangling my heart!
**[13:20] Choro**
Totty, I'll be frank.
**[13:23] Choro**
You don't have a heart.
**[13:24] Todo**
Huh?!
**[13:25] Choro**
You're a dried-up monster
who can't care about others.
**[13:27] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't
understand what you're saying at all.
**[13:31] Choro**
Right, Dr. Ichimatsu? He's a monster, right?
**[13:35] Ichi**
That is correct, Choroice.
**[13:37] ---**
Who are you?!
**[13:38] Ichi**
I've known this for a while.
**[13:41] Ichi**
He is a monster whose heart dried up long ago.
**[13:44] Ichi**
If one of us brothers were
to disappear tomorrow,
**[13:48] Ichi**
he probably wouldn't even notice.
**[13:50] Four**
S-Seriously?
**[13:52] Todo**
Of course I would!
**[13:53] Todo**
If someone didn't notice, they wouldn't
be a monster. Just spaced out!
**[13:57] Oso**
Honestly, you have no interest
in other people, do you?
**[13:59] Todo**
I do!
**[14:00] Oso**
You don't care if something good
**[14:01] Oso**
or bad happens to someone you know, do you?
**[14:03] Todo**
That's not true! I have feelings!
**[14:06] Oso**
They why didn't you tell us about Mount Fuji?
**[14:08] Todo**
I-I didn't really think you guys
would be interested if I told you...
**[14:12] Oso**
There it is. "No interest."
**[14:14] Todo**
But that's...
**[14:15] Oso**
That's the same thing. If you think
the other person isn't interested,
**[14:20] Oso**
that means if it were the other way around,
**[14:22] Oso**
you wouldn't be interested, either.
**[14:24] Oso**
You're so cold... So dried-up.
**[14:28] Choro**
Dr. Ichimatsu, it's been
proven that he's a monster.
**[14:32] Ichi**
Oh, sorry. I took that off.
**[14:36] Todo**
Then let me ask you this.
**[14:38] Todo**
When do I need to tell you
when something's happened?
**[14:40] Todo**
Things I should tell all of you,
and things I don't need to tell you...
**[14:43] Todo**
I can't see the line that separates those.
**[14:45] Oso**
Mount Fuji was definitely something
you should have mentioned.
**[14:47] Todo**
So I should have mentioned Mount Fuji.
**[14:48] Todo**
Got it. I'm sorry.
**[14:50] Oso**
Good.
**[14:52] Todo**
And when I climbed the
Yatsugatake Mountains...
**[14:54] Oso**
It's not about mountains!
You seriously don't get it!
**[14:57] Choro**
Totty, it's not like we're brothers
who love Mount Fuji or anything.
**[15:02] Todo**
Really?
**[15:03] Choro**
Not "Really?"!
**[15:04] Oso**
I mean, we didn't even know
you were climbing mountains.
**[15:07] Oso**
You should have started by telling us that.
**[15:09] Choro**
Exactly.
**[15:10] Todo**
This is hard...
**[15:11] Both**
It's hard?!
**[15:13] Todo**
Then what about what I ate for dinner?
**[15:15] Oso**
You don't need to tell us that.
**[15:16] Todo**
What if I go to pachinko?
**[15:17] Choro**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:18] Todo**
What if I see a movie?
**[15:19] Oso**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:21] Ichi**
Uh, actually...
**[15:24] Ichi**
When you're seeing a movie at the theater
and not on DVD, I might want you to tell me.
**[15:28] Oso**
Exactly! That's the line I'm
talking about, Ichimatsu!
**[15:30] Oso**
You get it! You have common sense!
**[15:32] Oso**
You might just make it out in the world!
**[15:35] Ichi**
Seriously? Thanks! Thanks!
**[15:38] Todo**
Gross...
**[15:39] Choro**
Don't say "gross."
**[15:42] Todo**
What about when I get my driver's license?
**[15:45] Ichi**
Of course you should tell us.
**[15:47] Todo**
What about when I cut my hair?
**[15:48] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us that.
**[15:49] Todo**
My morning run?
**[15:51] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:52] Todo**
When I started playing Go?
**[15:53] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:54] Todo**
What?! So I *don't* have to tell you, then!
**[15:56] Todo**
What the heck? What was
this whole waste of time?
**[15:58] Ichi**
H-He plays dirty.
**[16:01] Ichi**
The way that was going, it would
sound like he didn't have to tell us.
**[16:04] Oso**
Yeah, with how things were just going.
**[16:06] Choro**
Yeah, in that case, you wouldn't
have to tell us about Go.
**[16:11] Todo**
This is so friggin' annoying!
**[16:13] Todo**
That's enough. I get it.
**[16:15] Todo**
I'll tell you guys everything from now on.
**[16:16] Todo**
I won't hide anything.
That's what you want, right?
**[16:20] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Everything About Todomatsu!
**[16:24] Todo**
All right, here we go.
Everything about Todomatsu.
**[16:28] Oso**
Uh-oh. Looks like some
weird switch got flipped.
**[16:30] Todo**
I'll tell you everything,
right here, right now,
**[16:33] Todo**
so no more telling me to tell you
this or that. Just listen.
**[16:36] Choro**
Er, Totty—
**[16:37] Todo**
Okay, we'll start with this...
***SIGN*** Fetishes
**[16:39] Todo**
Fetishes.
**[16:41] Todo**
My perverted side. I've always told
you guys that I have a fetish for legs,
**[16:45] Todo**
but it's actually something
much deeper than that.
**[16:49] Todo**
The wrinkles on bellybuttons.
***SIGN*** Wrinkles on Bellybuttons
**[16:52] Todo**
More perverted than you thought, right?
But I don't care if you guys know.
**[16:55] Todo**
Because we're close brothers
who tell each other everything.
**[17:01] Todo**
All right, next.
**[17:02] Choro**
Uh, Tot—
**[17:03] Todo**
My brothers ranking!
***SIGN*** Brothers Ranking
**[17:06] Todo**
What's this, you ask?
**[17:08] Todo**
Well, I have five older brothers,
and I secretly have an order I like them in.
**[17:14] Todo**
All right, here we go! Number one is...
**[17:16] Five**
Stop!
**[17:19] Oso**
Just stop! Y-You don't have to tell us that!
**[17:22] Todo**
But why? You're my brothers.
**[17:23] Oso**
This is too risky. It'll cause a
rift in our future relationship.
**[17:27] Choro**
And what kind of ranking
is that to have, anyway?
**[17:30] Todo**
To be honest, to be painfully honest here...
**[17:32] Todo**
We may be brothers, but there are some
of you I get along with more than others,
**[17:36] Todo**
so the ranking just naturally happened.
**[17:38] Oso**
Y-Yeah, but...
**[17:40] Cho**
You agree?!
**[17:40] Todo**
By the way, Osomatsu-niisan, your rank is...
**[17:42] Oso**
I told you not to say it!
***SIGN*** Oversized Trash
**[17:44] Choro**
Why? Why doesn't he understand
where that perfect line is?
**[17:47] Choro**
What are we supposed to do,
after hearing "wrinkles on bellybuttons"?
**[17:50] Choro**
Brothers ranking?
**[17:51] Choro**
Whoever ranked last has no choice but to die!
**[17:54] Ichi**
Hey, isn't this enough?
**[17:57] Ichi**
It's 9 PM. The bath house is gonna close.
**[18:01] Oso**
Oh...
**[18:05] Oso**
So cold!
**[18:08] Kara**
T-Totty... Just curious, what rank am I?
**[18:12] Todo**
Why, you're first, of course!
**[18:13] Kara**
All right!
**[18:15] Oso**
What?! Then what about me?
**[18:18] Todo**
You're first.
**[18:21] Choro**
Totty...
**[18:22] Choro**
Don't say anything anymore.
**[18:22] Kara**
All right! All right!
**[18:24] Choro**
You don't have to tell us anything anymore.
**[18:26] Ichi**
Huh? Where's Jyushimatsu?
**[18:28] Todo**
Hm?
**[18:29] Todo**
Oh, yeah. I don't see him.
**[18:30] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
We're going to the bath house.
**[18:33] Jyu**
What? That's impossible!
**[18:36] Jyu**
My stock...
**[18:37] Jyu**
Fraudulent accounting? I lost all of it?
**[18:40] Jyu**
That can't be!
**[18:41] Jyu**
I'll be right there!
**[18:45] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:47] Oso**
We really don't know anything
about each other, do we?
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu-sensei"
**[20:23] Todo**
You wanted to see me,
Vice Principal Choromatsu?
**[20:25] Choro**
Ah, Todomatsu-sensei.
Sorry to ask for you so suddenly.
**[20:30] Todo**
It's okay.
**[20:31] Choro**
I wanted to discuss the cultural festival
program you turned in the other day...
**[20:36] Choro**
There are a number of issues with it.
***SIGN*** Matsuno High School Cultural Fair Plan
**[20:38] Todo**
Issues?
**[20:39] Choro**
Yes. Well, I personally enjoyed it.
**[20:42] Choro**
However, in this day in age,
**[20:44] Choro**
there's the board of education,
press, and parents to consider,
**[20:47] Choro**
not to mention the health
and safety of our students.
**[20:49] Choro**
We must make sure our morals
are never compromised.
**[20:51] Choro**
So there are a few things I'd like you to revise.
**[20:55] Todo**
Okay...
***SIGN*** Cultural Fair
**[20:57] Choro**
First, this arch. Could we cancel this?
**[21:00] Todo**
Huh? What's wrong with it?
**[21:02] Choro**
If the students are going
to be walking through it,
**[21:04] Choro**
that means the structure will
be about 4 meters tall, right?
**[21:07] Todo**
Uh, calling it a structure
might be a bit much.
**[21:09] Choro**
If it were to collapse,
students would get hurt.
**[21:11] Todo**
No, it'll be fine. We'll make
sure it doesn't collapse.
**[21:15] Choro**
What if a typhoon with wind speeds of
500 meters per second hits that day?!
**[21:19] Todo**
Then the whole cultural
festival would be canceled.
**[21:21] Choro**
No, it's too dangerous.
Just thinking about it terrifies me.
**[21:24] Todo**
Um, maybe you're overthinking it?
**[21:26] Todo**
If you think about things like that,
there'll be no end to it.
**[21:28] Todo**
Besides, it'd be made of
Styrofoam, so even if it fell—
**[21:31] Choro**
Styrofoam?! What if the
students accidentally eat it?!
**[21:34] Todo**
Babies? Are our students babies?!
**[21:37] Choro**
Also, this haunted house. This is bad news.
**[21:40] Todo**
Huh?
**[21:40] Choro**
Scaring people who go into the
house and making them scream...
**[21:44] Choro**
This is clearly bullying.
**[21:45] Todo**
Bullying?! How?!
**[21:47] Choro**
Well, it's very scary.
**[21:49] Tod**
Well, it is a haunted house.
**[21:51] Choro**
Please don't scare people inside the house,
so it won't look like bullying.
**[21:55] Tod**
But then they'll just be walking through a house!
**[21:57] Tod**
That's boring as hell!
**[21:59] Choro**
My, my, what is this attitude?
**[22:01] Choro**
If you can't obey my orders,
I'll just have to dock your pay.
**[22:04] Choro**
I'll write nasty things about you on SNS
**[22:06] Choro**
and force the cultural
fair itself to be canceled.
**[22:08] Todo**
That's bullying, isn't it? You're clearly
bullying me right now, aren't you?
**[22:12] Choro**
I'd rather you call it power harassment.
**[22:13] Todo**
That's not okay, either!
***SIGN*** Live Band Concert
**[22:15] Choro**
Also, this live band concert...
**[22:17] Todo**
Er, yes?
**[22:19] Choro**
I...
**[22:21] Choro**
am very much looking forward to it.
**[22:23] Todo**
So you're okay with this?
**[22:24] Choro**
I love concerts.
**[22:26] Todo**
You like them?!
**[22:27] Choro**
No music, no life.
**[22:29] Todo**
Oh, shut your mouth!
***SIGN*** High-Quality, High-Fidelity Audio System!
**[22:31] Todo**
Well, anyway, please look forward to it.
**[22:32] Todo**
To ensure a great concert this year,
**[22:34] Todo**
we're prepared some
high-quality AV equipment.
**[22:37] Choro**
AV?
**[22:38] Todo**
Pardon?
**[22:38] Choro**
AV?!
**[22:39] Todo**
Yes... AV equipment.
**[22:41] Todo**
Er, AV, AV equipment...
**[22:43] Todo**
Did you hear me? AV *equipment*!
**[22:46] Todo**
Vice Principal?!
**[22:47] Choro**
How could have this happened?
**[22:48] Choro**
If the board of education learned
of this, they'd have my head.
**[22:51] Todo**
No, it's AV as in "audio visual"...
**[22:53] Choro**
Of course I know that! But when
the students hear "AV equipment,"
**[22:57] Choro**
they might think of the other
thing and get weird ideas.
**[23:00] Todo**
No, they won't!
**[23:01] Choro**
I mean, I'm sort of getting weird ideas right now.
**[23:05] Todo**
Seriously? You're a total pervert!
**[23:06] Todo**
You're actually the most perverted of all!
***SIGN*** Frankfurters
1 for 200 yen
**[23:09] Todo**
Also, at the food stalls,
we'll be selling frankfurters.
**[23:11] Choro**
Frankfurters?!
***SIGN*** Chocolate Bananas
***SIGN*** 1 for 200 yen
**[23:13] Todo**
Also, chocolate bananas.
**[23:14] Choro**
Chocolate bananas?!
***SIGN*** Mango Juice
***SIGN*** 300 yen
**[23:15] Todo**
As well as mango juice...
**[23:16] Choro**
Mango juice?!
***SIGN*** Roasted Chestnuts
***SIGN*** 100g 200 yen
**[23:18] Todo**
Roasted chestnuts...
**[23:18] Choro**
Roasted chestnuts?!
***SIGN*** Yakisoba
***SIGN*** 1 Pack 200 yen
**[23:20] Todo**
And yakisoba.
**[23:21] Choro**
Yakisoba?!
**[23:23] Todo**
Vice Principal?! What did you
just feel towards yakisoba?!
**[23:26] Choro**
I love pickled ginger!
**[23:30] Todo**
Whats wrong?! What the hell is
going on inside you right now?!
**[23:33] Todo**
Are you okay?! Are you okay, Vice Principal?!
**[23:37] Choro**
Vice Principal?
***SIGN*** Vice Principal
***SIGN*** (Teach)
***SIGN*** (Head)
**[23:39] Choro**
It's written as "head that teaches..."
**[23:42] Choro**
Vice Principal!
**[23:44] Todo**
What the hell?! I can't do
or say anything anymore!
***SIGN*** End
# E15 - Interview / The Life of Chibita's Flower
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY190G21R/interview--the-life-of-chibitas-flower)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Guy**
Pardon me! Thank you for seeing me!
***SIGN*** Job Interview
***SIGN*** "Interview"
**[01:49] Guy**
Th-Thank you very much.
**[01:55] Choro**
Honestly, they're all the same.
**[01:57] Chor O**
Nothing interesting about them at all.
**[01:59] Choro**
They all look exactly the same.
**[02:01] Choro**
Now, then... I have half of the
candidates left. Let's get this over with.
**[02:04] Choro**
Next, please.
**[02:09] Choro**
Next person, please?
**[02:10] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:12] Choro**
Hm?
**[02:13] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:15] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:17] Choro**
Hm?
**[02:21] Choro**
Huh? Um, hello?
**[02:22] Choro**
Please come in.
**[02:26] Choro**
Um...
**[02:26] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:28] Choro**
Yes...
**[02:29] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:30] Choro**
Yes, yes.
**[02:31] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:32] Choro**
Yes, indeed.
**[02:35] Choro**
Um, please come into the room.
**[02:37] Choro**
Why?! Hey! Come into the room!
**[02:39] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:41] Jyu**
Oh, pardon me!
**[02:42] Jyu**
Oh, my, pardon me! Now then, pardon me!
**[02:46] Choro**
Uh...
**[02:47] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:48] Choro**
Yes...
**[02:49] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:50] Choro**
Yeah, about that...
**[02:51] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:53] Choro**
Um... Matsuno Jyushimatsu-san?
**[02:55] Jyu**
Yes! I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[03:00] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:01] Jyu**
Yes.
**[03:02] Choro**
Please get your butt away from my face.
**[03:04] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[03:04] Choro**
Oh, you actually stopped when I asked.
**[03:07] Choro**
I should have asked sooner.
**[03:08] Choro**
Please, have a seat.
**[03:09] Jyu**
Pardon me.
**[03:10] Choro**
You shouldn't sit on the desk.
**[03:12] Choro**
Please have a seat over there.
**[03:14] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[03:15] Choro**
Er, in the seat.
**[03:16] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[03:17] Choro**
You actually do what I ask...
**[03:20] Choro**
Now then, once again,
**[03:22] Choro**
Matsuno Jyushimatsu-san...
**[03:24] Jyu**
Yes! I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[03:25] Choro**
First of all,
**[03:27] Choro**
let's not make weird faces.
**[03:29] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[03:29] Choro**
Stop.
**[03:30] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[03:31] Choro**
Seriously, stop.
**[03:31] Jyu**
'Kay, 'kay.
**[03:33] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:37] Choro**
Jyushi... Jyushimatsu-san?
**[03:39] Choro**
Hey, don't go off somewhere!
**[03:40] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, come back!
**[03:45] Choro**
Now then... Please tell me
what motivated you to apply.
**[03:48] Jyu**
What? Palpitated?!
**[03:50] Choro**
No, not palpitated.
**[03:52] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[03:53] Choro**
Not "Bweh!" This is an
interview, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:59] Choro**
I just asked you not to go off somewhere,
Jyushimatsu-san! Come back!
**[04:02] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[04:03] Choro**
Not "Bweh!"
**[04:05] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:05] Choro**
Let's not make weird faces.
**[04:07] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:07] Choro**
Can we stop?
**[04:09] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:11] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, is there anything
you want to do at our company?
**[04:17] Choro**
Please stop, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:18] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san. Jyushimatsu-san!
**[04:21] Choro**
Don't go off somewhere while
biting my head, Jyushimatsu-san!
**[04:24] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, come back!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Jyushimatsu
**[04:26] Choro**
Um, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:28] Jyu**
Yes.
**[04:29] Choro**
Try to show some restraint.
**[04:30] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:30] Choro**
This is an interview.
**[04:32] Jyu**
Yes, it is.
**[04:33] Choro**
Can you promise me you won't do that again?
**[04:35] Jyu**
I promise.
**[04:36] Choro**
Very good. Let us start the interview.
**[04:40] Choro**
Um, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:41] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[04:42] Choro**
Not "Bweh!"
***SIGN*** Baseball!!!
**[04:44] Choro**
Oh, I see that you're skilled in baseball.
**[04:46] Jyu**
Yeah! I love baseball!
**[04:48] Choro**
I see. Did you play when you were a student?
**[04:52] Choro**
What's the matter, Jyushimatsu-san?
Why are you stripping?
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[04:55] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san? Jyushimatsu-san?
**[04:58] Choro**
Someone just came in, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[05:00] Choro**
Who the hell is that, Jyushimatsu-san?
**[05:03] Choro**
You're kidding, right, Jyushimatsu-san?!
***SIGN*** Interview
**[05:06] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san! This is an interview!
**[05:08] Choro**
That's dangerous, Jyushimatsu-san!
**[05:09] Choro**
Seriously, who is that, Jyushimatsu-san?!
**[05:10] Ichi**
Nice.
**[05:11] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san?! Jyushima—
**[05:14] Choro**
Jyushimatsu... Jyushi—
Hey... Jyushi— Hey...
**[05:18] Choro**
Could you please stop batting this instant?!
**[05:21] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[05:22] Choro**
You actually stop if I ask!
**[05:25] Ichi**
He's a really great guy.
**[05:32] Jyu**
As you can see, I love baseball.
**[05:36] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[05:38] Choro**
I hate to say this, considering the
interview hasn't even started yet, but...
**[05:45] Choro**
Please let me take a break.
**[05:47] Jyu**
'Kay.
***SIGN*** President's Office
**[05:53] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[05:54] Choro**
I can't get mad! I can't find
the right timing to get mad!
**[05:58] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:58] Choro**
If it were some guy who wasn't
taking the job seriously,
**[06:01] Choro**
or spewing self-enlightenment
crap, I could get mad.
**[06:03] Choro**
But his actions are so unpredictable
that I miss my chance to get angry.
**[06:08] Choro**
I mean, he put his ass in my face.
He was biting my head!
**[06:11] Choro**
He was batting! How the hell do I get mad?
**[06:13] Choro**
Somehow, there isn't much reason to get mad!
**[06:16] Oso**
What are you talking about?
**[06:17] Oso**
There are plenty of reasons to get mad.
**[06:19] Choro**
Then you do it! You'll find it hard to get mad!
**[06:22] Kara**
He's a genius. Let's hire him immediately.
**[06:24] Todo**
Yes, he sounds wonderful.
**[06:25] Oso**
Hey, you don't actually
plan on hiring him, do you?
**[06:28] Choro**
Of course not, you idiot! If we
hire him, our company is done for!
**[06:31] Oso**
What are you going to do?
**[06:36] Choro**
C-Could you go be the interviewer for me?
**[06:39] Oso**
Guess I don't have a choice.
I'll whip him into shape.
**[06:44] Choro**
Don't let your guard down.
Make sure you get mad at him.
**[06:46] Oso**
I know that.
**[06:47] Choro**
Don't get sucked into his pace.
**[06:50] Oso**
Yeah.
**[06:52] Oso**
All right, Jyushimatsu-san.
Let's continue the interview...
**[07:01] Oso**
How the hell am I supposed to get mad at that?!
**[07:03] Choro**
See?! We didn't learn how to handle that, right?
**[07:05] Kara**
He's a genius. Let's hire him.
**[07:08] Todo**
I'm getting wet.
**[07:10] Choro**
What should we do?
**[07:12] Jyu**
What're you gonna do?
**[07:14] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-san!
**[07:15] Jyu**
Are you going to hire me, or not?
**[07:20] Choro**
J-Jyushimatsu-san, which
do you think would be best?
**[07:26] Jyu**
You probably shouldn't hire me.
**[07:34] Ichi**
You sure you don't want to hire him?
**[07:36] Ichi**
You won't see him again.
**[07:39] Ichi**
That's a bit of a shame, isn't it?
**[07:44] Choro**
Er...
**[07:46] Both**
Who the hell are you?
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[07:50] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
**[07:55] Jyu**
What the heck? It's freezing.
**[07:57] Coro**
There's nothing here.
**[07:58] Ichi**
It's like, the boonies.
**[07:59] Kara**
Hey, aren't you guys hungry?
**[08:01] Todo**
I have some snacks. Pistachio macarons.
**[08:04] Kra**
What? Sweets?
**[08:04] Oso**
Hey! Hurry up, everyone!
**[08:06] Oso**
The bus for the inn leaves at 26 after.
**[08:08] Kara**
Hey, I'm hungry.
**[08:10] Choro**
Why are we running?
**[08:11] Ichi**
It's cold.
**[08:11] Jyu**
I wanted to see the gift shop.
**[08:12] Oso**
We can do that later!
***SIGN*** Kodakara Hot Springs
**[08:15] Choro**
Aw, man.
**[08:15] Kara**
This sucks.
**[08:16] Oso**
Why?! Why can't you guys run properly?
**[08:18] Jyu**
Aw, but I did.
**[08:20] Ichi**
Hey, why don't we get a taxi?
**[08:22] Oso**
No. It's only 980 yen for the bus,
**[08:24] Oso**
but a taxi would be around 5,000 yen.
**[08:26] Ichi**
Well, we're on vacation,
so that should be fine.
**[08:28] Ichi**
You miser.
**[08:28] Oso**
Miser?!
**[08:29] Kara**
Hey, the bus left, so we need to
figure out what we're going to do.
**[08:33] Jyu**
What should we do?
**[08:34] Jyu**
It'd probably be tough to walk
around with all of our luggage.
**[08:36] Choro**
Osoko, where's the inn?
**[08:38] Oso**
I emailed you. Didn't you read it?
**[08:40] Choro**
Sorry. I just figured you'd remember.
**[08:43] Choro**
Teehee.
**[08:44] Oso**
One sec. I'll look at the memo...
**[08:46] Jyu**
What? You don't remember either, Osoko?
**[08:48] Oso**
"Either"? What's that supposed to mean?
**[08:50] Oso**
I'm totally different from Choroko!
**[08:52] Jyu**
Well, you don't remember, do you?
**[08:54] Kra**
Everyone, don't be so testy.
**[08:55] Kara**
I bet it's because you're all hungry.
**[08:57] Kara**
Let's go eat somewhere by the station.
**[08:58] Choro**
What should we do?
We'd sort of be heading back.
**[09:00] Jyu**
Aw, I'm fine with whatever.
**[09:02] Kara**
Then let's go! You guys are hungry, right?!
**[09:05] Oso**
Hey, you need to think about this, too, Todoko.
**[09:07] Oso**
Stop taking weird pictures.
**[09:09] Choro**
W-Weird pictures...
**[09:11] Jyu**
I was wondering about that, too.
**[09:12] Oso**
Hey, Todoko?! You're not
supposed to go off on your own!
***SIGN*** Kodakara Hot Springs
**[09:15] Oso**
Todoko!
**[09:19] Oso**
Hey, cheer up. We're on vacation.
**[09:22] Oso**
Oh, apparently there's a sex museum nearby.
Wanna go? You might be able to take pictures.
**[09:26] Todo**
Not interested.
**[09:27] Oso**
What? Why would you say that?
**[09:29] Todo**
I'm not interested at all.
**[09:31] Todo**
Why don't the five of you go?
**[09:32] Oso**
But...
**[09:33] Ichi**
That's fine. She says she doesn't want
to go, so let's just leave her alone.
**[09:36] Todo**
Yeah, just leave me alone.
**[09:38] Oso**
Why do you two have to say it like that?
**[09:40] Choro**
You guys are scary.
**[09:42] Jyu**
So scary...
**[09:42] Oso**
What is it with you guys, at a time like this?
**[09:44] Todo**
I'm going to go do my own thing. Bye.
**[09:47] Jyu**
Wait, what? Lame.
**[09:48] Ichi**
I'm going, too.
**[09:50] Choro**
You too? Why?
**[09:51] Ichi**
It's cold, and I don't want
to skimp out on my vacation.
**[09:54] Ichi**
We can just meet at the inn, right?
**[09:56] Kara**
What do you want to do?
Go to the sex museum?
**[09:58] Jyu**
Huh? I'm okay with either.
**[10:00] Choro**
Same. I don't care if we go in or not.
**[10:03] Kara**
Hey, Osoko. Decide for us.
**[10:05] Jyu**
Yeah, decide for us.
**[10:07] Choro**
We don't care what we do.
**[10:08] Kara**
But I'm hungry.
**[10:09] Jyu**
Hurry!
**[10:10] Oso**
That's enough!
**[10:12] Oso**
Every single time, it's up to me to decide!
**[10:15] Oso**
Why? And then all of you complain later!
**[10:17] Oso**
I'm never going on vacation
with you guys again!
**[10:19] Oso**
Never!
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[10:26] Todo**
Here are my pictures from the other day.
**[10:31] Kara**
Awesome! They're so cute!
**[10:33] Kara**
Wanna go somewhere
on our next long weekend?
**[10:34] Oso**
Yeah, totally!
**[10:35] Ichi**
I'm free.
**[10:37] Choro**
Where should we go?
**[10:38] Jyu**
Sounds good!
***SIGN*** "The Life of Chibita's Flower"
**[10:46] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[10:47] Chibi**
This is no good at all.
**[10:49] Chibi**
I have to make more adjustments...
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[10:52] Chibi**
I'm gonna go all-out, you idjits.
**[10:58] Cibi**
The hell?!
**[11:00] Chiibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[11:01] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
***SIGN*** Red Wine
**[11:04] Chibi**
I'll put in a secret ingredient.
**[11:06] Chibi**
Hmm... That's iffy!
This will never be the best!
**[11:10] Chibi**
If my oden isn't the best in Japan...
**[11:11] Chibi**
No, the best in the galaxy, there's no point!
***SIGN*** Oden
**[11:18] Girl**
That's so good!
**[11:19] Guy**
Right? Convenience stores are no joke.
**[11:21] Girl**
I know!
**[11:22] Chibi**
That ain't oden.
**[11:23] Chibi**
Oden takes a lot more heart...
**[11:28] Chibi**
This isn't even oden!
**[11:30] Chibi**
Damn it... Just you wait!
**[11:34] Oso**
Chibita, we're here to eat!
**[11:36] Chibi**
Welcome...
**[11:38] Todo**
Wh-What's wrong? Your eyes are all messed up.
**[11:40] Choro**
I think you're thinking too much about oden.
**[11:42] Choo**
You've got oden growing out of your head.
**[11:47] Oso**
That's no good. You should
take a day off once in a while.
**[11:49] Chibi**
Shut up, you idjit.
**[11:51] Chibi**
I'm gonna make the best oden in the world.
**[11:53] Chibi**
I'm not a NEET like you guys.
**[11:55] Oso**
Well, I'm going to be the
best NEET in the world, so...
**[11:58] Choro**
What are you talking about?
**[11:59] Todo**
More importantly, oden! Hurry!
**[12:00] Oso**
O-de-n! O-de-n!
**[12:02] Chibi**
All right, you idjits. Comin' right up.
**[12:05] Chibi**
You better be thankful. This is the
ultimate oden that I just created.
**[12:10] Oso**
The ultimate oden?
**[12:11] Chibi**
This is it, you idjits!
**[12:18] Oso**
Huh?
**[12:19] Chibi**
The ultimate oden.
**[12:21] Chibi**
It exists within all of our hearts.
**[12:26] Kara**
I see...
**[12:27] Todo**
"I see," my ass!
**[12:28] Todo**
This isn't good, Chibita. You're sick.
**[12:30] Ichi**
Not good.
**[12:30] Choro**
Yeah, not good.
**[12:31] Oso**
Not good. Right, Jyushimatsu?
**[12:33] Jyu**
Not good! Even I can tell!
**[12:35] Six**
Not good, not good, not good...
**[12:35] Six**
Seriously not good. What the hell?
**[12:37] Chibi**
Shut up, you idjits! If you're gonna complain, leave!
**[12:41] Oso**
Hey, we didn't get to eat.
**[12:42] Todo**
He never would listen to anyone.
He's always been so stubborn.
**[12:49] Chibi**
Leave me alone, you idjits.
**[12:50] Chibi**
I don't care what you guys say.
I'm going to make the best oden,
**[12:54] Chibi**
no matter what.
**[13:00] Chibi**
You dumb thing. You shouldn't be
growing in a place like this.
**[13:05] Chibi**
But I guess I'm just like you...
**[13:09] Chibi**
Always alone.
**[13:14] Chibi**
Well, see ya.
**[13:22] Chibi**
It's no use!
**[13:23] Chibi**
Taste better, you idjit! Come on!
**[13:25] Chibi**
Taste better! Damn it...
**[13:28] Flowe**
Hi.
**[13:31] Chibi**
Sorry, miss. I don't have anything
I consider fit to serve today.
**[13:36] Girl**
You really do only think about oden.
**[13:39] Chibi**
Wh-Who are you?
**[13:41] Girl**
You're Chibita-san, right?
**[13:43] Chibi**
Why do you know my name?
**[13:45] Girl**
May I sit down?
**[13:46] Chibi**
Hey, I told you, today's oden...
**[13:48] Hana**
No, I don't want any oden.
**[13:51] Girl**
Chibita-san, will you go on a date with me?
**[13:55] Chibi**
D-Date?
**[13:57] Girl**
Yes.
**[13:59] Chibi**
I don't know who the hell you are,
but badger games aren't good.
**[14:03] Girl**
Who you callin' a badger game, you idjit?
**[14:07] Chibi**
You're not?
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
**[14:09] Girl**
It's a sincere request for a date.
**[14:11] Chibi**
Why?
**[14:13] Girl**
Because I want to go on a date with you.
**[14:14] Chibi**
But why?
**[14:16] Girl**
Because I like you, Chibita-san.
**[14:18] Chibi**
Yeah, but why would you like...
**[14:21] Chibi**
What?!
**[14:24] Chibi**
Ow...
**[14:25] Girl**
You okay?
**[14:27] Chibi**
The hell?! Don't screw with me, damn it!
**[14:29] Girl**
I'm not! Don't you want
to go on a date with me?
**[14:31] Chibi**
Er, well...
**[14:33] Girl**
Could it be you already have a girlfriend?
**[14:38] Chibi**
My only girlfriend is oden, you idjit.
**[14:40] Girl**
You totally just said oden was
your girlfriend! Holy crap!
**[14:42] Chibi**
More importantly, who the hell are you?
**[14:44] Chibi**
Comin' outta nowhere, saying you like
me and want to date me, and stuff!
**[14:48] Girl**
Sorry about that.
**[14:50] Girl**
I'm the flower fairy.
**[14:52] Chibi**
Flower...?
**[14:53] Girl**
Flower Fairy.
**[14:54] Girl**
You saved me yesterday, remember?
**[14:57] Girl**
I wanted to thank you, so I wished really
hard and, somehow, I ended up like this.
**[15:03] Chibi**
Are you okay? Like hell that'd happen.
**[15:03] Girl**
It's a total miracle!
**[15:06] Girl**
Right? It's so weird!
**[15:08] Chibi**
Anyway, I'm busy, so...
**[15:10] Girl**
Chibita-san!
**[15:10] Chibi**
Y-Yes?
**[15:12] Girl**
Just thinking about oden all the time
won't help you make good oden.
**[15:15] Chibi**
What? What do you know?
**[15:17] Girl**
I don't know about oden, but
I know about you, Chibita-san.
**[15:21] Chibi**
Why?
**[15:23] Girl**
Because I like you.
**[15:28] Girl**
Now, let's go on a date.
**[15:29] Chibi**
I'm not going.
**[15:30] Girl**
Come take a break!
**[15:31] Chibi**
I don't need one.
***SIGN*** Traffic Safety Week
***SIGN*** Wanted
***SIGN*** Deaths Accidents
**[15:34] Kara**
Where can I find a flower that's
about to wilt around here?
**[15:37] Guy**
What are you talking about?
You're under arrest.
**[15:42] Kara**
Ah!
**[15:42] Kara**
There it is!
**[15:45] Kara**
What's the matter, my flower?
You don't look well.
**[15:48] Kara**
Want a drink?
**[15:51] Kara**
No need to thank me. But I'll
give you my address, just in case.
**[15:56] Kara**
It's in Akatsuka Ward, Tokyo...
**[15:58] Girl**
Come on, hurry up!
**[16:00] Chibi**
Hey! I don't have time for this...
**[16:02] Chibi**
We're so high up! All the people
and buildings look so small.
**[16:05] Girl**
Right?
**[16:07] Chibi**
It's just like oden. One thing
can't stand out more than another.
**[16:11] Girl**
Jeez. Oden again?
**[16:14] Chibi**
What is this?!
**[16:15] Girl**
Right?
**[16:16] Chibi**
Oden needs surprises, too.
**[16:18] Girl**
Jeez!
**[16:20] Chibi**
Oh! Maybe I'll put this in oden
instead of shirataki noodles.
**[16:22] Hana**
Forget the oden, already.
**[16:24] Chibi**
What? But oden is my everything.
**[16:28] Girl**
So if we took oden from you,
there'd be nothing left of you?
**[16:31] Chibi**
S-Sorry to disappoint.
**[16:35] Girl**
Well, think about it. If someone
who only knew about oden made oden,
**[16:39] Girl**
that'd just be reproduction
on a regressive scale.
**[16:41] Girl**
New ideas and visions always
come from an another dimension.
**[16:44] Chibi**
A-Another what?
**[16:47] Girl**
Anyway, try to look at other things.
**[16:51] Chibi**
Other things?
**[16:56] Chibi**
Oh, it's sunny today.
**[16:59] Girl**
Huh?
**[17:00] Chibi**
Well, I've only been looking
at a pot all night long...
**[17:07] Oso**
But seriously, gentlemen,
we don't wanna work, do we?
**[17:11] Choro**
There's trouble!
**[17:12] Choro**
K-Karamatsu-niisan is...
**[17:14] Dobu**
Hey, Kara-chun.
**[17:16] Kara**
What's the matter, my flower?
**[17:18] Dobu**
What were you doing yesterday, Kara-chun?
**[17:20] Kara**
I was at home.
**[17:22] Dobu**
Really? You sure you weren't
with some other girl?
**[17:25] Dobu**
If you did something like that, I'd die!
**[17:29] Kara**
I wouldn't.
**[17:30] Dobu**
Then what were you doing this morning?
**[17:32] Kara**
Sleeping.
**[17:33] Dobu**
What?! With another woman?!
**[17:35] Kara**
No—
**[17:36] Dobu**
I'm gonna die! But before that,
I'm going to kill you, Kara-chun!
**[17:39] Kara**
Wai—
**[17:39] Oso**
Yeah, she's super ugly on the inside, too.
**[17:41] Ichi**
Looks like it, yup.
**[17:44] Girl**
You look wonderful, Chibita-san.
**[17:46] Chibi**
R-Really?
**[17:48] Girl**
Like it?
**[17:48] Chibi**
Y-Yeah, it's good.
**[17:56] Girl**
Isn't this fun, Chibita-san?
**[17:57] Chibi**
It's super fun! Yay!
**[18:02] Dobu**
Hey, Karamatsu. Ice cream.
**[18:04] Dobu**
Huh? What is this?
**[18:06] Dobu**
If it's not Baagen Dazs, I'm going to die.
**[18:08] Dobu**
You're okay with that?
**[18:09] Kara**
I'll go buy it!
**[18:11] Oso**
Hold it!
**[18:13] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan, don't.
**[18:16] Todo**
I don't want to say this, but...
**[18:19] Todo**
She's insanely ugly inside and out!
**[18:23] Kara**
But if I'm not there for her...
**[18:25] Kara**
She gets lonely. I have to be by her side.
**[18:27] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:29] Ichi**
Yup. He's gone.
**[18:30] Dobu**
Kara-chun, if I don't eat Baagen Dazs
in the next hour, I'm gonna die!
**[18:36] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[18:38] Todo**
Are *you* serious?
**[18:46] Chibi**
Hey.
**[18:49] Chibi**
You've been hanging out with me
this whole time. Is that okay?
**[18:52] Girl**
Yes. As long as I get to be with you,
Chibita-san, I'm having fun.
**[18:57] Girl**
Are you having fun?
**[19:00] Chibi**
Y-Yeah...
**[19:01] Girl**
Good.
**[19:06] Chibi**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[19:08] Girl**
Looks like I'm just about done for.
**[19:10] Chibi**
What?
**[19:12] Girl**
But it's okay.
**[19:15] Girl**
The only reason I have this life
is because of you, Chibita-san.
**[19:18] Chibi**
What are you...
**[19:22] Chibi**
H-Hey!
**[19:25] Girl**
Keep on making delicious oden...
**[19:29] Girl**
And in the same way you
saved me, make others happy.
**[19:34] Chibi**
What the heck are you talking about, you idjit?!
**[19:37] Chibi**
If I'm with you, I don't care about oden!
**[19:43] Girl**
Yay... I won against oden.
**[19:48] Girl**
But you can't say that.
**[19:49] Girl**
Because you're going to make
the best oden in the galaxy.
**[19:55] Girl**
But if you're able to make it
someday, just remember me.
**[20:05] Chibi**
Wh-What is this?
**[20:08] Chibi**
What the hell is going on?
**[20:11] Girl**
Do your best, you idjit.
**[20:17] Chibi**
Hey! Hey!
**[20:31] Chibi**
Wh-What she said
**[20:34] Chibi**
was true.
**[20:36] Chibi**
And yet... Why did I...
**[20:50] Chibi**
That won't be enough to make you better, huh?
**[21:26] Oso**
Hey.
**[21:28] Oso**
What did you do on all those days you took off?
**[21:31] Jyu**
This is great!
**[21:33] Todo**
Huh?
**[21:34] Choro**
But isn't it...
**[21:36] Ichi**
...a bit...
**[21:38] Oso**
...salty?
**[21:39] Oso**
Hey, Chibita. I think you've lost
your touch since you've been away.
**[21:45] Chibi**
Oh, yeah?
**[21:50] Chibi**
That might be true.
**[21:58] Priest**
Do you, Karamatsu, swear to love and...
**[22:01] Dobu**
He swears! If he doesn't, I'll die!
**[22:03] Priest**
Then you may kiss the bride.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:41] Oso**
What? The preview?
**[23:43] Oso**
There's a new pachinko
place opening tomorrow,
**[23:45] Oso**
so let's forget about that and just go to bed.
***SIGN*** "The Ichimatsu Incident" And Others
**[23:47] Oso**
Man, waking up at 9 AM is so hard.
# E16 - Matsuno Matsunan / The Ichimatsu Incident
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYQ4Q3116/matsuno-matsunan--the-ichimatsu-incident)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Cat Café
***SIGN*** Now
Hiring
**[00:03] Guy**
Hey... Are you sure you want to work here?
**[00:09] Ichi**
Yes.
**[00:10] Guy**
Are you up for this?
**[00:11] Ichi**
Yes.
**[00:13] Guy**
You don't really look like it.
**[00:16] Guy**
Should we start with training, then?
**[00:18] Ichi**
Please.
**[00:26] Guy**
That's what you wanted to do?!
***SIGN*** "Matsuno Matsunan"
**[02:00] Nar**
* So this and that happened,*
* and a war broke out*
**[02:04] Nar**
* which destroyed the world,*
* and we were also destroyed.*
**[02:08] Nar**
*The earth split, the seas dried up...*
**[02:11] Nar**
*Earth lost all of its moisture,*
**[02:14] Nar**
* and the merciless UV rays*
* left everything parched.*
**[02:23] Guy**
M-My cracked lip...
**[02:27] Lady**
My rough heels...
**[02:29] Nar**
* The average age of everyone's*
* skin surpassed 200.*
**[02:39] Goon**
Iyami-sama, we've received intel that
there's been a new delivery up ahead.
**[02:44] Iyami**
We'll head there immediately.
**[02:48] Chibi**
We'll be able to obtain *that* again!
**[03:02] Old**
P-Please take this and...
**[03:04] Goon**
We don't want that!
**[03:06] Old**
W-We have water right here...
**[03:08] Goon**
That's not it!
**[03:09] Mom**
Please wait! Spare my child!
**[03:12] Goon**
A little girl, eh?
**[03:14] Goon**
But no one has any interest
in those these days.
**[03:17] Iya**
You people can't fool us!
**[03:20] Iya**
Hurry up and bring it out!
**[03:22] Chi**
Bring it out, you idjits!
**[03:24] Nar**
* In this age where humanity*
* has lost all moisture,*
**[03:28] Nar**
*there was one thing everyone would kill for.*
**[03:30] Nar**
*And that was...*
**[03:31] Goon**
Iyami-sama!
**[03:34] Goon**
We found it!
***SIGN*** Shi Shi
**[03:37] Vill**
P-Please wait!
**[03:38] Vill**
That's our last...
**[03:40] Nar**
*Yes, it was...*
**[03:43] Nar**
*Lubricant!*
**[03:48] Iya**
I can feel the moisture.
**[03:50] Boy**
Damn it! That's the last of our lubricant!
**[03:53] Boy**
Give it back!
**[03:54] Chi**
The hell?!
**[03:55] Chi**
We're the only ones allowed to feel all slippery!
**[03:58] Chi**
All of you can dry up completely for all we care!
**[04:02] Iyami**
Apply the lubricant!
**[04:04] Chibi**
Lubricant! Lubricant!
**[04:07] Iya**
Lubricant! Lubricant! Lubricant! Lubricant!
**[04:14] Six**
Hold it!
**[04:21] Oso**
In this world without moisture...
**[04:23] Kra**
The dried-up hearts of the people...
**[04:25] Choro**
...long for just one thing:
**[04:28] Ichi**
Tears of joy.
**[04:30] Jyu**
Who said that?
**[04:32] Todo**
The Matsu-of-the-Century messiahs.
**[04:35] Oso**
We'll make the world wet
with our lubricant of love!
**[04:38] Oso**
We're...
**[04:39] Six**
...F6!
**[04:48] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[04:50] Iya**
What are these creatures that
are overflowing with moisture?
**[04:53] Iya**
It's like the UV doesn't affect them at all!
**[04:55] Chibi**
They're just like peeled boiled eggs,
you idjits, damn it!
**[04:58] Iya**
Get 'em, boys!
**[05:11] Goon**
So weak!
**[05:12] Goon**
What the hell? Was that entrance
just for show? Are you stupid?
**[05:17] Todo**
Ouch...
**[05:19] Goon**
Huh?
**[05:20] Todo**
But...
**[05:22] Todo**
I know the fist you punched
me with hurts even more.
**[05:30] Goon**
Die!
**[05:35] Jyu**
Are you that impatient, my little kitten?
**[05:43] Goon**
My chest felt all tight,
and then I got all wet.
**[05:47] Chibi**
Y-You idjit! What are you admiring 'em for?
**[05:50] Chibi**
Take care of 'em already!
**[05:52] Goons**
Yes, sir!
**[05:54] Chibi**
That's not what I meant, you idjits!
**[05:56] Iya**
F-Fall back!
**[06:04] Kara**
I see... How tragic.
Everyone wants to feel slippery.
**[06:09] Ichi**
Keeping the gooey feeling to
themselves is unforgivable.
**[06:12] Choro**
Can't we get that soaking-wet
feeling back somehow?
**[06:16] Oso**
All right. Let's make everyone dripping wet.
**[06:24] Boy**
Wait!
**[06:26] Boy**
I'll go, too!
**[06:29] Oso**
I know. You're worried about your mom, right?
**[06:37] Oso**
Don't worry. We'll protect your
mom's life, no matter what.
**[06:43] Boy**
Really?
**[06:44] Oso**
Yup. So just wait here.
**[06:51] Boy**
Mom!
**[06:54] Boy**
Sh-She's dead!
**[07:06] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:08] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:09] Goon**
We've obtained new lubricant!
**[07:13] Deka**
Add it to the spring.
**[07:15] Deka**
There's nothing better than
when it's freely flowing.
**[07:21] Iya**
What shall we do with the troublemakers?
**[07:24] Deka**
Isn't that obvious? I won't let them get
away with not giving us the lubricant.
**[07:28] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:29] Goon**
There are suspicious guys outside!
**[07:35] Deka**
That must be them.
**[07:37] Iya**
They use a strange... No, a beautiful technique.
**[07:42] Deka**
No need to worry.
**[07:44] Deka**
We're the evil, stingy,
treacherous, and ugly Oily Boys.
**[07:49] Deka**
Let's show them the power of being
evil, stingy, treacherous, and ugly!
**[08:00] Kara**
Hey.
**[08:01] Kara**
Is this really what you guys want to do?
**[08:06] Kara**
When there are such infinite possibilities...
**[08:18] Ichi**
Fine. Do what you want with me.
**[08:23] Ichi**
You can do whatever you want to me.
**[08:24] Goon**
I'm sorry! I don't have the courage to do that!
**[08:31] Choro**
Come on, stab me.
**[08:33] Choro**
Stab me. Hurt my face.
**[08:37] Goon**
I... I can't...
**[08:41] Choro**
Good boy.
**[08:47] Deka**
Wh-What in the world is going on?
**[08:50] Oso**
It's simple.
**[08:53] Oso**
You are already in love. Right?
**[09:01] Iya**
Sheeeh! I see right through you all!
**[09:05] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[09:08] Iya**
Take that, and that, and that...
**[09:10] Oso**
Hey, that's not me...
**[09:19] Iya**
Sheeeh! We finally did it!
**[09:21] Iya**
We have F6 cornered!
**[09:23] Chibi**
Serves you right, you idjits!
We low-lifes win in the end, damn it!
**[09:28] Iya**
Let's hurry up and finish them.
**[09:30] Chibi**
Got it!
**[09:52] Deka**
Wait.
**[09:54] Deka**
Before you kill them, just once,
**[09:59] Deka**
I want to pour this on them.
**[10:02] Chibi**
Actually... I was just thinking the same thing.
**[10:07] Iyam**
To be honest... Me, too.
**[10:10] Deka**
Just a little bit. Just a tiny little bit.
**[10:39] Deka**
I... I was wrong.
**[10:42] Chibi**
Lubricant is meant...
**[10:43] Iya**
...to be used like this!
**[10:57] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:00] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:00] Deka**
Keep it flowing.
**[11:02] Iya**
Hurry it up!
**[11:03] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:06] Choro**
Hey, Jyushimatsu! I can't read my book!
**[11:09] Todo**
Hey.
**[11:12] Choro**
Now you've done it, Todomatsu!
**[11:19] Ichi**
Good grief.
**[11:20] Oso**
Ichimatsu, could you give me a massage?
**[11:22] Ichi**
Sure.
**[11:29] Girl**
H-Hey, is he...
**[11:33] Kara**
Not to worry. I'm wearing some.
**[11:38] Iya**
F6-sama! Some very optimistic slaves
have brought you new lubricant!
**[11:44] Todo**
What? Again?
**[11:46] Todo**
You guys are silly.
**[11:47] Todo**
We worked hard to get it back for you,
and this makes that pointless.
**[11:51] Todo**
Why don't you guys use it?
**[11:53] Girls**
Filth like us have no need for it!
**[11:56] Todo**
What? Are you guys really happy with that?
**[11:59] All**
Very happy!
**[12:00] Todo**
Is it tasty?
**[12:01] All**
Super tasty!
**[12:03] Oso**
Just accept your fate already.
**[12:06] Odo**
Huh?
**[12:06] Kra**
Even if people completely dry up...
**[12:09] Choro**
Even if people die...
**[12:11] Ichi**
We'll just keep responding
to everyone's expectations.
**[12:14] Jyu**
We're everyone's lubricant... No,
**[12:17] Jyu**
the clothed and walking lubricant
of love in everyone's hearts.
**[12:19] Todo**
I see! So that's us...
**[12:21] Oso**
Yes, that's F6.
**[12:43] Iya**
Sheeeh! Our skin is as flaky as ever, but...
**[12:46] Deka**
Just watching them...
**[12:48] Chibi**
...is making our hearts all slippery and
soaking wet. You idjits, damn it!
**[12:53] Nar**
*And so the world was save... Save...*
**[12:58] Nar**
*Saved? Was it actually saved?*
**[13:02] Choro**
Huh? It was, wasn't it?
**[13:05] Nar**
*Huh?! Er, yes.*
**[13:06] Nar**
*It was saved. Thank you very much!*
***SIGN*** "The Ichimatsu Incident"
**[14:02] Oso**
Man, am I bored.
**[14:03] Ichi**
* Crap! There was a crack*
* in my state of high alert!*
**[14:06] Ichi**
* Why are you back so early?!*
* You were at pachinko...*
**[14:09] Oso**
A thousand yen goes so quickly.
**[14:11] Ichi**
*Don't go with so little money!*
**[14:14] Ichi**
* I'm finished. I won't even be able to*
* go on living after being seen like this.*
**[14:18] Oso**
What's the matter, Karamatsu?
**[14:21] Ichi**
* K-Karamatsu? I see...*
* It's because I'm dressed like this.*
**[14:25] Oso**
Hey.
**[14:29] Ichi**
What's wrong, Osomatsu?
Did you need something,
**[14:34] Ichi**
my brother?
**[14:44] Oso**
No, not really.
**[14:48] Ichi**
*All right! I fooled him!*
**[14:50] Ichi**
*He thinks I'm Karamatsu!*
**[14:51] Ichi**
* If anyone thought that normally,*
* it'd be hell, but for now, I'm saved!*
**[14:55] Oso**
But what's wrong with your voice?
It's different from usual.
**[14:58] Ichi**
Huh? Uh...
**[14:59] Oso**
Do you have a cold?
**[15:00] Ichi**
Huh?
**[15:01] Ichi**
Y-Yeah, that's right. A cold.
**[15:04] Ichi**
My throat's so sore, my voice is...
**[15:07] Oso**
Your hair's pretty messy, too.
**[15:09] Ichi**
Huh? Oh, the cold's messed up my hair, too...
**[15:12] Oso**
Also, I feel a dark aura,
**[15:14] Oso**
an "I don't have any friends" aura,
and a twisted, shitty aura from you.
**[15:19] Ichi**
That's from the cold, as well.
**[15:25] Oso**
Are you really Karamatsu?
**[15:26] Ichi**
Huh?!
**[15:27] Oso**
You seem strange somehow.
**[15:32] Ichi**
I seem strange?
**[15:36] Ichi**
I have no plans.
**[15:38] Oso**
That's not how you usually do that, is it?
**[15:40] Ichi**
It's because of this cold...
**[15:41] Oso**
What?
**[15:43] Ichi**
* Damn it! I don't know how*
* to do a proper Karamatsu!*
**[15:45] Ichi**
* Actually, what the hell is a*
* "proper Karamatsu," anyway?!*
**[15:48] Oso**
You just seem different somehow.
**[15:50] Ichi**
Wh-Wh-What are you saying, my brother?
**[15:53] Ichi**
I'm Karamatsu. Oh, a mirror.
**[15:55] Ichi**
Thank you for always making me look cool.
**[15:57] Ichi**
Are you a comic? Yes, good job.
**[16:00] Ichi**
Oh, my beautiful electrical
outlets. I love outlets.
**[16:04] Ichi**
See? I'm my usual self.
**[16:08] Ichi**
* He's not even looking!*
* And those are my potato chips!*
**[16:11] Oso**
Hey, who's that?
**[16:12] Ichi**
Huh?! Um, uh, um...
**[16:15] Oso**
Oh, it's Ichimatsu.
**[16:16] Ichi**
Th-That's right! It's Ichimatsu!
**[16:18] Oso**
Hey, Ichima—
**[16:19] Ichi**
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
**[16:20] Ichi**
You shouldn't wake him up!
**[16:21] Oso**
Why?
**[16:22] Ichi**
He's your brother, who shares your
blood, and he's sleeping soundly.
**[16:26] Ichi**
Only a villain would try to
wake someone in that state.
**[16:28] Oso**
Is it really that bad?!
**[16:30] Ichi**
Shh!
**[16:31] Ichi**
If you wake him, I'll kill you.
**[16:34] Oso**
Wh-What kind of bodyguard
are you? Fine, I get it...
**[16:39] Ichi**
*Not good. What should I do?*
**[16:40] Ichi**
*I want to run away, but I can't leave him here.*
**[16:44] Oso**
Karamatsu, want some?
***SIGN*** Dried Sardines
**[16:46] Ichi**
*Th-That's...*
**[16:48] Oso**
Ichimatsu always hides these
here to feed to the cats.
**[16:53] Oso**
They're so good.
**[16:59] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[17:01] Ichi**
Oh, the cold made my hand move on its own...
**[17:03] Oso**
No, that had nothing to do with your cold!
***SIGN*** Dried Sardines
***SIGN*** Economy Size
**[17:06] Oso**
What the hell? You're not making
any sense today, Karamatsu.
**[17:11] Oso**
Mmm, these are good.
**[17:13] Ichi**
*I want to kill him.*
**[17:14] Oso**
Here, have some.
**[17:16] Ichi**
*Those aren't yours!*
**[17:17] Ichi**
* But if I don't eat these now,*
* he'll be suspicious again.*
**[17:22] Oso**
See? Aren't they good?
**[17:24] Ichi**
Yeah, they're delicious.
**[17:26] Oso**
Right? Ichimatsu's so stupid,
giving these to the cats.
**[17:33] Ichi**
*I'll kill you!*
**[17:42] Ichi**
*No!*
**[17:43] Ichi**
*It's not like that! Don't leave!*
**[17:47] Oso**
What's wrong? You want some more?
**[17:54] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[17:56] Ichi**
Oh, this cold...
**[17:58] Oso**
Would you stop that?!
**[18:00] Ichi**
*What the hell am I doing?*
**[18:02] Ichi**
* I ate my best friend's favorite*
* food to protect myself!*
**[18:05] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Karamatsu.
**[18:08] Oso**
I have a favor to ask you.
**[18:11] Oso**
Could I borrow your sunglasses
and leather jacket just once?
**[18:14] Ichi**
Huh?
**[18:15] Oso**
Well, I know I always teased you about them,
but I've always wanted to try them on once.
**[18:24] Ichi**
* If only I could be honest and*
* just say it, like this idiot!*
**[18:26] Ichi**
* Then I wouldn't have lost*
* my best friend's trust!*
**[18:30] Oso**
Karamatsu? You're sweating
a lot... Are you okay?
**[18:35] Ichi**
*Just be honest already, Ichimatsu.*
**[18:37] Ichi**
*Tell him you also just wanted to try it once...*
**[18:41] Oso**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[18:43] Ichi**
A-Actually...
**[18:47] Ichi**
I told you it was a cold.
I might have a fever.
**[18:51] Oso**
Ah, I see.
**[18:53] Ichi**
*I can't say it! There's no way!*
**[18:55] Ichi**
* If I could say it honestly now,*
* I could've done it ages ago!*
**[18:58] Ichi**
*I could have made friends, too!*
**[19:00] Oso**
Well, you'll catch a chill.
You should take that off.
**[19:02] Ichi**
Huh? No, I'm fine.
**[19:04] Oso**
No, you're not.
**[19:05] Ichi**
I'm fine!
**[19:06] Oso**
You're sweating.
**[19:07] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[19:08] Oso**
You're going to get chilled.
**[19:09] Ichi**
No!
**[19:09] Oso**
Why?
**[19:10] Ichi**
It's embarrassing!
**[19:11] Oso**
Why is it embarrassing?!
**[19:14] Ichi**
Because...
**[19:16] Ichi**
Because I like you!
**[19:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:20] Ichi**
I've recently awakened to these feelings,
so if I have to strip in front of you...
**[19:25] Oso**
Uh, you're kidding, right?
**[19:26] Ichi**
I'm not kidding, silly.
**[19:29] Ichi**
* I'm at my wit's end.*
* Why did I lie like that?*
**[19:32] Ichi**
* The only way out of this is to*
* hurry and get him out of here.*
**[19:36] Ichi**
Um, Osomatsu...
**[19:38] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:39] Ichi**
Will you go to the races with this money?
**[19:41] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:42] Ichi**
I'll just lose if I go. So go for m—
**[19:45] Oso**
Seriously?!
**[19:45] Oso**
I can?
**[19:46] Oso**
All right! Talk about lucky!
**[19:48] Ichi**
* If a thousand yen is all*
* it takes, that's nothing.*
**[19:50] Ichi**
* I just need to tell him later that*
* what I said earlier was a joke.*
**[19:54] Ichi**
*You're kidding... I-It can't be...*
**[20:03] Kara**
What?!
**[20:07] Ichi**
*What?!*
**[20:08] Kara**
*What?!*
**[20:09] Ichi**
*What?!*
**[20:11] Both**
*What?!*
**[20:14] Ichii**
*I-I'm finished...*
**[20:16] Kara**
*Wh-What in the world is going on?*
**[20:19] Kara**
*Why is Ichimatsu wearing my perfect fashion?*
**[20:22] Kara**
*C-Could it be...*
**[20:24] Oso**
Karamatsu? Hey!
**[20:27] Oso**
He went white as a sheet
all of a sudden. Oh, well.
**[20:31] Oso**
Oh, you're awake, Ichimatsu.
**[20:37] Kara**
Yeah. I slept well.
**[20:39] Ichi**
*Karamatsu!*
**[20:41] Ichi**
*Karamatsu, Karamatsu, Karamatsu!*
**[20:43] Ichi**
* What the hell?! He's gonna try*
* to act like me to remedy this?*
**[20:45] Ichi**
*Is he a god?! Is he actually a god?!*
**[20:47] Ichi**
*Actually, just die!*
**[20:49] Kara**
I'm awake, meow. I'm still sleepy, meow.
**[20:52] Ichi**
*But he sucks at being me!*
**[20:54] Oso**
What's with that character?
**[20:55] Kara**
Uh, I just thought I'd go with this from now on.
**[20:58] Oso**
I see.
**[20:59] Ichi**
* Don't say something like that!*
* I don't want to go on acting like that!*
**[21:03] Oso**
Hey, wanna go to the horse races?
**[21:06] Kara**
Uh, nah... N-Not today.
**[21:10] Oso**
Aww...
**[21:11] Kara**
I actually have something serious
to discuss with Ichi— I mean,
**[21:13] Kara**
Karamatsu, so could you leave, meow?
**[21:16] Oso**
Huh? What the hell?
**[21:18] Ichi**
* Is he trying to save me by*
* sending Osomatsu-niisan away?!*
**[21:21] Ichi**
* Seriously, what's up with his*
* kindness?! Actually, just die!*
**[21:25] Ichi**
*I'm now a Karamatsu boy!*
**[21:28] Oso**
You guys are super creepy today.
**[21:31] Oso**
See ya.
**[21:35] Kara**
Hey! What are you doing, Ichimatsu?
**[21:37] Kara**
You scared me!
**[21:37] Ichi**
If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.
Take this to your grave!
**[21:42] Kara**
You're acting tough in this situation?! Really?!
**[21:44] Iichi**
Just hurry up and change, you dumbass!
**[21:45] Kara**
You're acting tough?!
**[21:47] Kara**
Ouch!
**[21:49] Oso**
I forgot somethi—
**[21:54] Oso**
Sorry, my bad.
**[21:55] Kara**
Wh-Wh-Whoa! It's not what it looks like!
**[21:56] Oso**
Sorry.
**[21:57] Kara**
It's not like that!
**[21:58] Oso**
I won't tell anyone.
**[21:58] Kara**
I'm telling you, it's not like that!
**[21:59] Ichi**
Stop, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[22:02] Kara**
Hey, you little...!
**[22:04] Kra**
Seriously, it's not like that!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:38] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu Fes— Bleaurgh!
**[23:41] Jyu**
Matsu... Bleaurgh! Festiv— Bleaurgh!
**[23:44] Jyu**
Matsu! Matsu! Fest—
Bleaurgh! Bleaurgh! Bleaurgh!
**[23:46] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu Festi— Bleaurgh!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Festival"
**[23:48] ---**
Bleaurgh!
# E17 - Jyushimatsu Festival
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRWE2K7GR/jyushimatsu-festival)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Festival"
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
**[00:04] Jyu**
Hup! Hup! Hup! Wahoo!
**[00:21] Four**
Wow! It's a Jyushimatsu festival!
**[00:24] Choro**
What?! This is what a Jyushimatsu festival is?!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and a Bomb"
**[02:07] Ichi**
Are they here yet?
What's the bomb squad doing?
**[02:11] Todo**
We're reaching the limit! We have to run!
**[02:14] Ichi**
You idiot! If we run now,
the whole city's gonna blow!
**[02:17] Todo**
But...
**[02:19] Ichi**
Damn it. Hurry up and get here, bomb squad...
**[02:30] Ichi**
Todomatsu.
**[02:31] Todo**
Yes.
**[02:32] Iichi**
Was that real?
**[02:33] Todo**
It was.
**[02:35] Ichi**
There was something there.
**[02:36] Todo**
There was.
**[02:37] Ichi**
Let's try to open it again.
**[02:39] Todo**
Yes.
**[02:43] Ichi**
There's something there.
**[02:44] Todo**
There is.
**[02:45] Ichi**
What do we do in these cases?
**[02:46] Todo**
You're asking me?
**[02:50] Todo**
What?!
**[02:51] Both**
H-Hey! What?! What?!
**[02:53] Both**
What the hell?! H-Hey!
**[02:55] Ichi**
Hey, you! What are you doing?!
**[02:57] Jyu**
I came to take care of the bomb.
**[02:59] Ichi**
Uh, how are you taking care of it?!
**[03:03] Todo**
What?!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and a Midnight Snack"
**[03:29] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, I found ramen!
**[03:31] Jyu**
Really?!
**[03:35] Oso**
All right.
**[03:39] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, it hasn't been three minutes yet.
**[03:44] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan, it hasn't
been three minutes yet.
**[03:49] Oso**
Hey, not yet!
**[03:54] Jyu**
Wait! Not yet!
**[03:57] Oso**
Hey.
**[03:58] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:01] Oso**
No!
**[04:01] Jyu**
Not yet.
**[04:02] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[04:03] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[04:05] Oso**
Hey!
**[04:05] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:06] Oso**
Hey.
**[04:07] Jyu**
Jeez.
**[04:08] Oso**
Not yet.
**[04:08] Jyu**
Not yet!
**[04:08] Oso**
Hey!
**[04:09] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:09] Oso**
Augh! I can't wait!
**[04:12] Jyu**
What are you gonna do?
**[04:14] Oso**
Okay, let's tie each other up.
***SIGN*** 3 Minutes Later
**[04:25] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Comiket"
**[04:34] Choro**
Huh? You're kidding me, right?
***SIGN*** Old and New Volumes
**[04:36] Choro**
Doujinshi?
**[04:37] Choro**
You're kidding! Seriously?
**[04:40] Choro**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[04:42] Jyu**
Want to buy anything?
**[04:43] Choro**
What are you selling?
**[04:44] Jyu**
BL.
**[04:45] Choro**
BL?!
**[04:45] Jyu**
Yup.
**[04:46] Choro**
Wait, it's baseball? You don't call baseball "BL."
**[04:50] Jyu**
What about this? Catchers are total ukes.
**[04:52] Choro**
That's someone who catches the ball.
You don't call a catcher an uke.
**[04:55] Jyu**
This is an outside uke's screwball seme.
**[04:57] Choro**
That's a battery!
**[04:59] Jyu**
I also have these pairings.
**[05:00] Choro**
That's a Waseda vs. Keio game!
**[05:01] Jyu**
If you prefer reversible, how about this?
**[05:03] Choro**
You know what "reversible" is?!
***SIGN*** Sample
**[05:04] Jyu**
Switch hitters.
**[05:05] Choro**
Those aren't called reversibles!
**[05:07] Jyu**
Well, what about Super Seme-sama?
**[05:08] Choro**
No, that's a pitch on the inside
that's thrown close to the body
**[05:12] Choro**
but ends up high, to keep
a strong hitter at bay.
**[05:15] Choro**
Seriously, what's with this lineup?!
**[05:17] Jyu**
Want to buy something?
**[05:19] Choro**
Give me a switch hitter.
**[05:21] Jyu**
Sorry. I won't do it.
**[05:22] Choro**
What the hell is with you?!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Moving"
**[05:31] Kara**
Hey, Jyushimatsu! Hurry up,
we're gonna be late.
**[05:36] Jyushi**
It's okay!
**[05:37] Kara**
No, it's not okay. There's
only five more minutes.
**[05:40] Kara**
We're going to be late.
**[05:41] Jyu**
We'll make it, we'll make it.
**[05:43] Kra**
We won't make it! Hurry!
**[05:45] Jyu**
We'll make it!
**[05:48] Kara**
How are you so calm? We're gonna be late!
**[05:50] Jyu**
Nope, nope.
**[05:52] Kara**
Come on, let's hurry. Run, Jyushimatsu!
**[05:56] Kara**
Huh?
**[05:56] Kara**
What?!
***SIGN*** Pachinko Dragon
**[06:05] Jyu**
See? We made it on time.
**[06:11] Kara**
True.
**[06:13] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Secrets"
**[06:23] Jyu**
You're lucky you won so much, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[06:27] Kara**
It appears Venus was smiling down on me today.
**[06:30] Jyu**
What?
**[06:31] Kara**
No, it's nothing.
**[06:34] Kara**
Oh, yeah, Jyushimatsu.
**[06:36] Kara**
Don't tell the others that I won at pachinko.
**[06:40] Jyu**
Why not?
**[06:41] Kara**
If they find out I won,
they might try to mooch off me.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Got it.
**[06:48] Kara**
I trust you.
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[06:50] Jyu**
We're home!
**[06:51] Jyu**
Hey, guys! Karamatsu-niisan
won a lot at pachin—
**[06:55] Kara**
Non, non, non, Jyushimatsu. Jyushimatsu.
**[06:59] Jyu**
Huh?
**[07:00] Kara**
Everything you just did was wrong, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:02] Kara**
Did you forget? You're not supposed
to tell them that I won at pachinko.
**[07:06] Kara**
Understand?
**[07:09] Jyu**
Got it.
**[07:10] Kara**
I lost today at pachinko.
**[07:12] Jyu**
You lost at pachinko.
**[07:15] Kara**
That's right. I trust you.
**[07:17] Jyu**
We're home!
**[07:19] Jyu**
Guys, Karamatsu-niisan lost at pachinko!
**[07:23] Kara**
I had no luck at all today.
**[07:25] Jyu**
He lost, he lost! Didn't win at all!
**[07:28] Jyu**
He lost. He totally lost.
**[07:30] Jyu**
Didn't win a thing.
**[07:31] Jyu**
Lost, lost, lost, lost, lost, lost, los—
**[07:34] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[07:36] Kara**
Oh, Jyushimatsu! Jyushimatsu!
**[07:39] Jyu**
Huh?
**[07:40] Kara**
You're being too suspicious! If you say
it that much, it just sounds like I won.
**[07:45] Jyu**
What should I do?
**[07:46] Kara**
Let's not talk about pachinko.
Just do the normal "We're home."
**[07:51] Jyu**
Got it.
**[07:52] Kara**
I trust you.
**[07:54] Jyu**
CR we're home!
**[07:56] Kara**
Jyushimatsu! Oh, my little Jyushimatsu!
**[08:00] Jyu**
Huh?
**[08:01] Kara**
Don't add "CR"! What does
"CR we're home" even mean?!
**[08:05] Kara**
Just "We're home" will suffice, okay?!
**[08:09] Jyu**
Got it!
**[08:10] Kara**
I trust you.
**[08:11] Jyu**
Pachinko!
**[08:13] Kara**
I need Jyushimatsu! Oh, I need Jyushimatsu!
**[08:19] Jyu**
Huh?
**[08:20] Kara**
Are you doing this on purpose? Hmm?
**[08:22] Kara**
Oh, my little Jyushimatsu?
**[08:24] Todo**
What're you doing?
**[08:26] Todo**
What? Did you two go play pachinko?
**[08:28] Kara**
Hm? What are you talking about?
**[08:29] Todo**
Don't try to trick us. We just heard
you say "pachinko" really loud.
**[08:35] Todo**
Wait...
**[08:35] Todo**
And the way you're acting... You won, didn't you?
**[08:37] Kara**
N-No...
**[08:38] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, Karamatsu-niisan
won at pachinko, didn't he?
**[08:42] Kara**
I didn't win, did I, Jyushimatsu?
**[08:44] Todo**
He won, right?
**[08:45] Kara**
I didn't win, right?
**[08:46] Todo**
Don't lie to your brothers!
**[08:48] Kara**
J-Jyushimatsu?
**[08:50] Todo**
What's the matter, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[08:51] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:52] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:54] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:55] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:56] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:56] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:57] ---**
Jyushimatsu!
**[09:02] Kara**
Jyushimatsu! This is all my fault, Jyushimatsu!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Concepts"
**[09:18] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[09:20] Ichi**
Hm?
**[09:21] Jyu**
What am I?
**[09:23] Ichi**
Hm?
**[09:25] Jyu**
What's a Jyushimatsu?
**[09:27] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:29] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu, right?
**[09:31] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[09:32] Jyu**
Wow, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[09:35] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:36] Jyu**
Then why am I Jyushimatsu?
**[09:38] Ichi**
Why?
**[09:39] Jyu**
Yeah. I mean, I'm Jyushimatsu, right?
**[09:46] Ichi**
The thing I think makes you Jyushimatsu
**[09:50] Ichi**
is your mouth.
**[09:51] Jyu**
My mouth?
**[09:52] Ichi**
Yeah. It's always open.
**[09:54] Ichi**
When I see that, I think, "Oh, it's Jyushimatsu."
**[09:58] Jyu**
Huh... Then am I not Jyushimatsu
when I close my mouth?
**[10:04] Ichi**
Huh? No, you're still Jyushimatsu.
**[10:10] Ichi**
Also, your single cowlick.
That's another one of your characteristics.
**[10:18] Ichi**
I'm gonna go take a dump.
**[10:21] Ichi**
Hey, guys! You're not here?!
**[10:24] Ichi**
Hey!
**[10:27] Jyu**
So I look like a Jyushimatsu...
**[10:29] Jyu**
So if I change how I look,
I won't be Jyushimatsu anymore?
**[10:34] Jyu**
I'm Osomatsu!
**[10:36] Jyu**
I'm Karamatsu.
**[10:37] Jyu**
Hey, I'm Choromatsu.
**[10:39] Jyu**
I'm Todomatsu!
**[10:41] Jyu**
Nah, I'm me. Jyushimatsu.
**[10:47] Jyu**
Ah! Then maybe if I change my
voice rather than my appearance...
**[10:51] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[10:54] Jyu**
This is Jyushimatsu.
**[10:56] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[10:59] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[11:01] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[11:02] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[11:03] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[11:08] Jyu**
Hmm... But in the end, me impersonating
myself is still me, isn't it?
**[11:14] Jyu**
But if it's an impersonation
of myself, it's not really me?
**[11:26] Jyu**
This is still Jyushimatsu, too!
**[11:28] Jyu**
Yup, all me. Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[11:33] Jyu**
Oh, how about this?
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[11:37] Jyu**
This is still Jyushimatsu, too!
**[11:41] Jyu**
Is an electrical pole still an electrical pole?
***SIGN*** Electrical Pole
**[11:45] Jyu**
Ooh!
**[11:46] Jyu**
A house is still a house!
**[11:48] Jyu**
Fence! Gates! Flowers!
**[11:49] Jyu**
Trees! Cars!
***SIGN*** Fence
***SIGN*** Gate
***SIGN*** Flower
***SIGN*** Tree
***SIGN*** Car
***SIGN*** Clouds
***SIGN*** Sun
***SIGN*** House
***SIGN*** House
***SIGN*** Dirt
***SIGN*** Sky
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[11:51] Jyu**
This is totally okay!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:53] Choro**
What the hell?! I turned into this!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[11:56] Oso**
We won't need a character designer anymore.
**[11:58] Kara**
Or a storyboard artist.
**[11:59] Todo**
You don't need art or sound directors, either.
**[12:01] Iya**
It's me! Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Teeth
**[12:04] Chibi**
It's me, you idjit, damn it!
***SIGN*** Small
**[12:06] Toto**
Hey, what the heck?
***SIGN*** Fish
***SIGN*** Big
***SIGN*** Mouth
**[12:10] Hata**
This is fun, jo.
***SIGN*** Flag
**[12:15] Jyu**
Look at that. So ego, self-recognition,
and the meaning of life
***SIGN*** Sky
**[12:18] Jyu**
are all pretty small things that don't mean much.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[12:23] Jyu**
Oh, cool. I'm gonna get lighter, too.
***SIGN*** Jyushi
**[12:28] Jyu**
Even more!
***SIGN*** Jyu
**[12:31] Jyu**
Yup. I'm still Jyushimatsu.
***SIGN*** Ichi
**[12:34] Jyu**
Oh, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:36] Ichi**
Huh? You look like a plus sign.
**[12:40] Jyu**
Yup. And you look like a
minus sign, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:46] Jyu**
Hey, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:48] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:49] Jyu**
In the end, what are we?
**[12:53] Ichi**
Who knows? In fact, what is this conversation?
**[12:57] Jyu**
Good point.
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Surgery"
**[13:04] Todo**
No! I don't want surgery!
**[13:07] Toto**
But Todomatsu-kun, you can't
leave the hospital without it.
**[13:11] Todo**
But I'm scared! I don't wanna!
**[13:19] Todo**
Y-You're...
**[13:27] Todo**
Who are you?!
**[13:28] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[13:29] Todo**
Hm?
**[13:31] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu.
**[13:33] Todo**
Oh... Are you a professional baseball player?
**[13:35] Todo**
Sorry, I actually like soccer...
**[13:38] Jyu**
I'm not a professional baseball player.
**[13:39] Todo**
Huh? You're not a professional baseball player?
**[13:41] Jyu**
Nope.
**[13:42] Todo**
Then who are you?
**[13:43] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[13:45] Toto**
All right, Jyushimatsu-san.
I'm leaving the rest to you.
**[13:48] Todo**
Huh? Do you know who this is?
**[13:50] Todo**
Nurse?
**[13:53] Todo**
Huh?
**[13:56] Jyu**
Now, Takashi-kun...
**[13:57] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu!
**[13:58] Jyu**
I hear you don't have money to get your surgery.
**[14:00] Todo**
That's all wrong. It's not the money,
I'm just scared to have the surgery.
**[14:04] Todo**
Seriously, who are you?
**[14:05] Jyu**
You're so obsessed with that.
Try turning on the TV.
**[14:08] Todo**
The TV?
**[14:10] Lady**
*And in 3 minutes...*
***SIGN*** Call Now
**[14:12] Guy**
*If you call now...*
**[14:13] Lady**
*Now, repeat after me.*
**[14:14] Guy**
*This marriage was a shock...*
**[14:16] Guy**
*That doesn't taste good.*
**[14:16] Guy**
*It'll only be...*
**[14:17] Lady**
*Repeat after me.*
**[14:20] Todo**
Huh? You're not on there.
**[14:22] Jyu**
Yup.
**[14:25] Todo**
Huh?! Seriously, who are you?!
**[14:27] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[14:28] Todo**
I don't know you! Leave, you creep!
**[14:30] Jyu**
Munch, munch...
**[14:31] Todo**
Stop eating and leave!
**[14:33] Todo**
Stop swinging that and leave!
**[14:34] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[14:35] Todo**
Yeah, I got that!
**[14:38] Todo**
Whoa, why? Why? Why?!
**[14:40] Jyu**
Goodnight, Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[14:42] Todo**
*You're* Jyushimatsu!
**[14:50] Todo**
I really want out of here!
Just hurry up and do the surgery!
**[14:54] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Experiments"
**[15:06] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun! It's finally done!
**[15:08] Jyu**
Congratulations, Professor Osomatsu!
So, what is this medicine?
**[15:13] Oso**
No idea.
**[15:15] ---**
That's my professor!
**[15:20] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:21] Jyu**
Yep.
**[15:25] Oso**
Well?
**[15:27] Jyu**
Not a clue.
**[15:29] Oso**
That's my Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:34] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun disappeared!
**[15:36] Jyu**
Professor, I'm over here.
**[15:38] Oso**
Oh, you're invisible! So this is a
medicine that turns you invisible.
**[15:43] Jyu**
No, I'm a human that could
turn invisible from birth.
**[15:47] Oso**
That's my Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:52] Jyu**
Ah!
**[15:53] Jyu**
You look naked right now, Professor.
This medicine makes things see-through!
**[15:56] Oso**
Nope. I just took off all
my clothes in an instant.
**[16:01] Jyu**
That's my professor!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Pan"
**[16:15] Toto**
Not a single fun thing happened today, either.
**[16:19] Toto**
Every day is so boring.
**[16:22] Toto**
If only I could go to some
faraway land of dreams...
**[16:30] Toto**
Who's there?
**[16:36] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu Pan.
**[16:37] Toto**
Jyushimatsu Pan?
**[16:39] Jyu**
Now, come with me.
**[16:41] Toto**
Huh?
**[16:42] Toto**
A-Amazing...
**[16:45] Toto**
Hey, Jyushimatsu Pan, where are we going?
**[16:48] Jyu**
A dreamlike place.
**[16:49] Toto**
Really?
**[16:51] Ichi**
We shouldn't have to take this ugly thing with us.
**[16:54] Jyu**
Hey, don't be jealous, Tinkerichi.
**[16:57] Ichi**
Hmph.
**[17:01] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:03] Toto**
Where are we?
**[17:05] Jyu**
Fujiidera Baseball Stadium's former location.
**[17:08] Ichi**
In the 1989 Japan Series,
**[17:10] Ichi**
they were able to reverse
3 losses into 4 wins here.
**[17:14] Jyu**
This place is like a dream.
**[17:16] Toto**
Huh?
**[17:27] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:29] Toto**
Where are we?
**[17:30] Jyu**
Nihonbara in Okayama Prefecture.
**[17:32] Ichi**
The dirt from here is used as the
dirt for part of the Koshien field.
**[17:37] Jyu**
This place is like a dream.
**[17:46] Toto**
Huh?
**[17:51] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:54] Jyu**
Kwarp Academy in the Dominican Republic.
**[17:55] Ichi**
So awesome! I love Zoriano!
**[17:59] ---**
This place is like a dream.
**[18:03] Jyu**
Well, see ya!
**[18:07] Toto**
No!
**[18:09] Toto**
Don't leave me in the Dominican Republic!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[18:13] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Medicine"
**[18:19] Jyu**
Hello, Professor Dekapan!
**[18:22] Deka**
Yes, hello.
**[18:24] Jyu**
I have a request.
**[18:26] Deka**
What is it?
**[18:27] Jyu**
I wanna hit home runs, so could
you give me some steroids?
**[18:32] Deka**
That's a great idea. One sec.
**[18:37] Deka**
Here we go.
**[18:40] Jyu**
Bring it!
**[18:42] Jyu**
Wahoo!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu"
**[19:31] Oso**
Hey, guys.
**[19:33] Oso**
When did Jyushimatsu end up like that?
**[19:40] Oso**
Wait, wait, don't run away. Sit.
**[19:46] Choro**
We're really going there?
**[19:48] Todo**
Let's not. It seems dangerous...
**[19:51] Oso**
No, I'm scared to talk about
this, too. But I need to know.
**[19:54] Oso**
I can't get it off my mind.
**[19:55] Choro**
He was normal when we were kids, right?
**[19:57] Oso**
He was.
**[19:58] Todo**
Are you implying that he's
actually an adult now?
**[20:01] Oso**
No idea.
**[20:01] Choro**
Is he even human?
**[20:03] Oso**
I'm telling you, I have no idea.
**[20:04] Kara**
How about it, Ichimatsu?
**[20:07] Ichi**
Why are you asking me?
**[20:08] Kara**
You're with him the most, aren't you?
**[20:12] Ichi**
Actually, up until recently,
I felt some darkness in him.
**[20:17] Ichi**
That there's something sinister behind
that unnatural cheeriness and hyperness...
**[20:24] Ichi**
But I was wrong. He's just Jyushimatsu.
**[20:26] Ichi**
He has no darkness.
**[20:28] Ichi**
He's Jyushimatsu from head to toe.
**[20:30] Ichi**
Basically, Jyushimatsu is his
own genre. Do you understand?
**[20:34] Choro**
Like hell we understand!
What do you mean, genre?!
**[20:37] Oso**
Hey, let's look at the photo albums.
**[20:38] Oso**
Then we can figure out at what point he changed.
***SIGN*** Memories
**[20:43] Todo**
Hey, why didn't we do any of this earlier?
**[20:47] Choro**
Because we were that scared to find out.
**[20:51] Oso**
When was this?
**[20:51] Kara**
His 7-5-3 festival.
**[20:53] Oso**
He's still normal here.
**[20:56] Oso**
First grade.
**[20:57] Four**
He's normal...
**[20:58] Oso**
Second grade.
**[20:59] Four**
Normal.
**[21:01] Oso**
Third grade.
**[21:02] Four**
Normal...
**[21:03] Oso**
Fourth grade.
**[21:05] Oso**
Fifth grade.
**[21:06] Oso**
Sixth grade.
**[21:07] Choro**
He's not changing at all.
**[21:09] Oso**
7th grade.
**[21:10] Oso**
8th grade.
**[21:12] Oso**
9th grade.
**[21:13] Oso**
10th grade.
**[21:14] Oso**
11th...
**[21:16] Oso**
It was here!
**[21:17] Oso**
That suddenly?! He suddenly
turned into that in 10th grade?!
**[21:20] Kara**
So it was his high school debut.
**[21:22] Ichi**
No, his Jyushimatsu debut, to be more precise.
**[21:24] Choro**
What is a Jyushimatsu debut?!
**[21:26] Todo**
Hey, wait. Look.
***SIGN*** Sealed
**[21:41] Oso**
All right, let's go drink.
**[21:43] Four**
Yup.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Kara**
A next episode preview? All you
need to do is just watch next week.
**[23:36] Kara**
Don't make me do something so unproductive.
**[23:38] Kara**
That's about as unproductive as manual labor.
**[23:41] Kara**
But since we're here, I'll give you
a preview of my actions for tomorrow.
**[23:44] Kara**
I'm going to read all volumes of
"The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" at Book-***.
***SIGN*** Iyami's Counterattack
**[23:47] Kara**
I'm going to learn how to live like a man.
# E18 - Iyami's Counterattack
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G609GWN96/iyamis-counterattack)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[00:04] Oso**
Hmph. Who knew she'd get married?
**[00:07] Kara**
I'm seriously surprised
she managed to get married.
**[00:10] Kara**
Did you hear who the guy was?
**[00:12] Oso**
Just some company employee.
Apparently they met through friends.
**[00:14] Kara**
How surprising! I didn't
know she even had friends.
**[00:17] Oso**
Hey... How much did you give her for gift money?
**[00:20] Kara**
Me?
**[00:22] Kara**
Just one...
**[00:22] Oso**
What?!
**[00:23] Kara**
What about you, Osoko?
Did you actually give her three?
**[00:25] Kara**
Surely not five, right?
**[00:28] Oso**
Two...
**[00:28] Kara**
What do you mean, two?!
**[00:30] Kara**
That's bad luck since you can
split that number in half!
**[00:32] Oso**
Well, revolving payments are hard.
**[00:36] Oso**
2,000 yen was all I could afford.
**[00:37] Kara**
2,000 yen?! For a congratulatory gift?!
**[00:39] Jyu**
Hey, what are you guys yelling about?
**[00:41] Todo**
Let's take some pics! Pics!
**[00:43] Oso**
Hey... Come on, you guys!
**[00:45] Oso**
This isn't a cabaret club. You can't wear
such slutty clothes at a reception!
**[00:49] Jyu**
It's not slutty! It's not cabaret!
**[00:51] Kara**
White is supposed to be reserved for the bride.
**[00:53] Todo**
What? This isn't white.
**[00:55] Todo**
It's milky beige.
**[00:56] Kara**
It's the same.
**[00:57] Jyu**
So scary! Are you two mother-in-laws?
**[01:00] Jyu**
You aren't even married yet and
you're already mother-in-laws?
**[01:02] Jyu**
So pitiful!
**[01:03] Ichi**
Who are you calling pitiful?
Were you referring to all of you?
**[01:09] Choro**
You guys stand out so much.
**[01:10] Kara**
What? We stand out? Are guys looking at us?
**[01:12] Kara**
Where? Are they hot?
**[01:12] All**
Where, where?
**[01:14] Ichi**
Todoko, go talk to them.
**[01:16] Todo**
Why me?
**[01:17] Ichi**
You have your usual technique.
**[01:19] Ichi**
"Would you push the shutter button?"
**[01:20] Ichi**
"Let's take one together!"
**[01:22] Ichi**
"I'll send it to you, so could
I get your email address?"
**[01:25] Todo**
I don't usually use that!
**[01:28] Todo**
Just sometimes...
**[01:30] Choro**
There's a good couple... Have that guy
with the hot voice be the total uke...
**[01:35] Oso**
Let's not involve the 3D world
in your rotten delusions.
**[01:36] Choro**
So filthy...
**[01:37] Jyu**
I totally want to do someone right now.
**[01:40] Five**
Not so loud!
**[01:42] Kara**
I wonder what our pimples *(fukidemono)* are.
**[01:44] Choro**
You mean "souvenirs *(hikidemono)*."
Ready to open them?
***SIGN*** Pildon Tokyo
**[01:46] Oso**
Ch-Choroko! It's still the
reception until you get home!
**[01:51] Todo**
The usual. So don't need it.
**[01:52] Ichi**
This ring is supposed to represent
their eternal happiness.
**[01:56] Ichi**
Who the hell cares?
**[01:58] Jyu**
There's also...
**[02:00] Oso**
What?!
**[02:01] Kara**
They gave single people paired items?
**[02:03] Kara**
Is this out of spite? Are they being spiteful?!
**[02:06] Oso**
Damn it.
**[02:07] Oso**
The souvenirs are tasteless, and weren't
the groom's friends just as bad?
**[02:11] Choro**
They were rude.
**[02:13] Jyu**
They wouldn't talk to us at all.
**[02:15] Ich**
They should have at least talked to us.
**[02:17] Todo**
That's just good manners.
**[02:18] Kara**
Seriously! You're totally right!
**[02:20] Oso**
Let's get our gift money back.
**[02:23] Five**
Yeah!
**[02:24] Oso**
We'll throw in a fee for our
troubles and get double back.
**[02:26] Five**
Good idea!
***SIGN*** Iyami's Counterattack
**[02:30] Iyami**
This is Iyami.
**[02:32] Iya**
Getting to the point, there are things
me doesn't like about this anime.
**[02:36] Iyami**
The previous *Osomatsu-kun*
had me as the protagonist.
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-kun
**[02:39] Iyami**
Children and adults alike
were mimicking me's gag.
**[02:43] Iyami**
But ever since it's been *Osomatsu-san*,
me's role has been cut way down!
**[02:47] Iyami**
The sextuplets became the main characters!
**[02:48] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:50] Iyami**
They even have individual persons,
even though they're sextuplets!
**[02:51] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:53] Iyami**
And idols! Sheeeh!
**[02:56] Iaymi**
But fear not! Today is the day that me
will return to being the protagonist!
**[03:03] Iyami**
You want to see me's great
comeback, don't you?
**[03:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Bargain
**[04:41] Ann**
All right, all of you losers out there,
**[04:44] Ann**
did someone important
yell at you again today?
***SIGN*** Iyami Kart
**[04:46] Ann**
It's time for Iyami Kart, where they'll
**[04:48] Ann**
race to see who'll be the protagonist
of the anime, *Osomatsu-san*.
**[04:51] Ann**
Whoever wins will be the protagonist.
**[04:53] Ann**
Popularity, personalities, disposition,
education, divorce record, all mean nothing.
**[04:56] Ann**
Whoever wins will be the
protagonist starting next week.
**[04:59] Ann**
Now, I'll explain the rules and course that
everyone's probably wondering about...
***SIGN*** -You may use items up to 3 times -Bananas up to 300 yen -Shell Endorsement -In regards to Fappymatsuing... -You may use up to 4 tissues each time -One bottle of lube per person -Reinforcing the use of seatbelts month -No sauvage allowed -No gorillas may enter (doping allowed) -The staff is like a family and the studio has a very at-home feel -Control over speed -No fucks allowed -You shouldn't choose someone by their asshole
***SIGN*** -Each person is allowed up to 5 Sheeeh's -Let's make cute -You can hide your ugliness -Looking for ambitious people!! -Never pull back, flatter, or look back -Each person is allowed up to 30 oden -Do you prefer dogs or cats? -No full nudity allowed -This is pine, not XXX -Go to bed early the day before -More than briefs, less than boxers -Be careful when looking to the side or falling asleep -This anime is at your own risk, please remember that -No taking the toilet paper
***SIGN*** -Nipple radius may only be up to 3cm -Racers' experience, age, sex, citizenship, education, and employment will not be questioned -Boxers or briefs? -Nay, I prefer the red loin cloth -Faito dayo!! -Normal driver's license is required -Bananas are included for snacks -Beware of falling nether regions -No taking ESP kitties allowed -Sheeeh!
**[05:03] Ann**
And that's about it.
Now let's introduce our racers.
**[05:07] Ann**
Entry No. 1: Matsuno Osomatsu.
***SIGN*** Osokart
**[05:10] Ann**
His machine is the Osokart. Considering
its name, it might be pretty slow *(osoi)*.
**[05:13] Oso**
We're the protagonist if we win?
Of course I'm going to win.
**[05:16] Oso**
I mean, I *am* the protagonist.
**[05:17] Oso**
Seriously, who do you think has
held up the show for this long—
**[05:22] Ann**
And he doesn't have a single supporter.
His popularity is surprisingly low.
**[05:26] Oso**
Why?!
**[05:27] Ann**
No. 2: Matsuno Karamatsu.
**[05:29] Ann**
His machine is the Karamatsu AGOGO.
Oh, so, so, so painful.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[05:32] Kara**
The protagonist, eh? All right, I accept.
**[05:35] Kara**
When I become the protagonist,
it'll be a new anime—
***SIGN*** Karamatsu's
**[05:38] Ann**
No. 3.
**[05:38] Kara**
Hey! I'm totally going to get rid of this
pattern where I get coldly ignored!
**[05:42] Ann**
Let's get to No. 3: Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[05:45] Ann**
His machine is the Chorofappyski.
***SIGN*** Chorofappyski
**[05:47] Choro**
I'm going to win, become the
protagonist, and marry Totoko-chan!
**[05:52] Choro**
You're super ultra cute, Totoko!
**[05:54] Ann**
His excitement is on another
level, that Fappymatsu.
**[05:57] Ann**
No. 4: Matsuno Ichimatsu. His machine is...
***SIGN*** Padded Kimono
**[05:59] Ich**
Actually, you don't have to introduce me.
**[06:01] Ichi**
The protagonist? Totally not happening.
**[06:02] Ichi**
I don't want attention from
anyone. Ugh, this sucks.
**[06:07] Ann**
He's renouncing his spot
before we even start.
**[06:09] Ann**
No. 5: Matsuno Jyushimatsu.
**[06:11] Ann**
His machine is The Bullpen.
***SIGN*** The Bullpen
**[06:12] Ann**
I'm pretty sure he doesn't
understand the point of this race.
**[06:14] Jyu**
What? But I'm the fastest.
**[06:17] Ann**
Um, the point of the race is...
**[06:18] Jyu**
I'm the fastest.
**[06:20] Ann**
Alrighty, then.
**[06:23] Ann**
No. 6: Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[06:24] Ann**
His machine is the Totty Wagon. He's
definitely misunderstood the point of this race.
**[06:27] Todo**
Where should we go for a drive?
Want to go see a waterfall?
**[06:30] Todo**
I love looking at waterfalls.
**[06:32] Ann**
I've never heard that before.
Please let us know these things, Totty.
**[06:34] Ann**
No. 7: Yowai Totoko.
**[06:36] Totoko**
What? You get to be the protagonist
if you win? Oh my gosh!
***SIGN*** Devil Shark
**[06:40] Ann**
Her machine is the Devil Shark. She's out to kill.
**[06:45] Ann**
The battle has already begun.
**[06:47] Ann**
No. 8: Chibita. His machine is the
Red Lamp Damn It. He's fired up.
***SIGN*** Oden
***SIGN*** Red Lamp Damn It
**[06:51] Chibi**
I'm gonna win, you idjits.
**[06:53] Chibi**
I'm gonna make this an oden-cooking
show starting next week, damn it!
**[06:57] Ann**
There's really no demand for that.
**[06:58] Ann**
No. 9: The duo of Dekapan and Dayon.
**[07:00] Ann**
Their machine is Best Friends.
***SIGN*** Best Friends
**[07:03] Deka**
I don't like fighting.
**[07:05] Dayon**
Let's have a fun drive.
**[07:08] Ann**
Yeah, they're definitely plotting something.
**[07:11] Ann**
No. 10: Hatabou. His machine is the Super Flag.
***SIGN*** Super Flag
**[07:13] Ann**
He's letting his money do the talking.
**[07:15] Hata**
Hatabou is number one, jo.
You'll all be my employees, jo!
**[07:19] Ann**
He's going after his rivals' asses.
**[07:21] Ann**
Now, there are quite a few others:
**[07:23] Ann**
Dad, Mom, Aida, Sacchin, Hashimoto
Nya, Centaur, Sanematsu-san,
**[07:26] Ann**
and so on will vigilantly
pursue the protagonist role.
**[07:40] Ann**
And now we have the one who
started this race: Iyami.
**[07:43] Ann**
His machine is the On-Land Interpersonal
Massacre Combat Vehicle: Iyami the End.
***SIGN*** On-Land Interpersonal Massacre Combat Vehicle: Iyami the End
**[07:48] Oso**
What?! What the hell is that car?!
**[07:50] Choro**
Is it even a car?
**[07:51] Choro**
Hey! You can't be serious, Iyami!
**[07:55] Iyami**
It's finally time for me to be the protagonist!
**[07:58] Iyami**
Everyone, cheer me on...
**[08:00] People**
That's not fair!
**[08:01] Ann**
Well, it looks like Iyami has a combat vehicle.
**[08:02] People**
Go home!
**[08:03] Ann**
Looks like we'll be seeing some blood.
**[08:05] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:06] Ann**
Who will win the role of protagonist?
Iyami Kart is about to begin!
**[08:19] Ann**
And each of the cars is
off to a spectacular start.
**[08:22] Ann**
They're heading into the first corner.
**[08:25] Ann**
Oh? Iyami's car hasn't started yet.
**[08:27] Ann**
What could this mean?
**[08:31] Iyami**
Once me pushes this button, it's all over.
**[08:33] Iiyami**
Me will blow you all away with
my vehicle traveling at 1,000 kph.
**[08:39] Iya**
The end!
**[08:45] Iya**
Why won't it launch?
**[08:48] Ann**
*This vehicle will self-destruct in one second.*
**[08:51] Iya**
Wha?
**[08:57] Ann**
Oh? It exploded. What a riot.
**[09:00] Deka**
We made some adjustments...
**[09:01] Dayon**
...before we started.
**[09:04] Ann**
So they were plotting after all.
**[09:06] Ann**
The scariest thing in the world:
old guys who mean business.
**[09:09] Ann**
This throws off the order.
**[09:10] Ann**
Iyami, who started all this, has retired.
**[09:13] Iyami**
N-Not yet. Me is not giving up.
**[09:17] Iyami**
Me is going to win this race and
take back the previous *Osomatsu*!
**[09:21] Iyami**
The protagonist is me!
**[09:24] Ann**
Oh, my. It appears Iyami is back with
a sense of duty that no one asked for.
**[09:27] Ann**
But there's no way he can
to catch up by running.
**[09:30] Iyami**
Me still has my ultimate weapon.
**[09:35] Ann**
This is the race to win the title of
protagonist of the anime *Osomatsu-san*,
**[09:38] Ann**
the Iyami Kart.
**[09:39] Ann**
The leaders are about to go over the mountain.
**[09:41] Ann**
And Iyami is... at the very back.
**[09:44] Iya**
Hold it!
**[09:46] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[09:50] Hata**
Dajo, dajo, dajo!
**[09:55] Chibi**
I'm not gonna let anyone in front of me!
**[09:58] Oso**
Hey! What're you doing in front of me?
**[10:02] Chibi**
I have reasons for wanting
to be the protagonist!
**[10:05] Oso**
What?
**[10:05] Chbi**
I'll become the protagonist and find out if these
three lines on my cheeks are whiskers or what!
**[10:08] Chibi**
I'll use the remaining episodes to find
the answer to that mystery, you idjits!
**[10:12] Oso**
Uh, no one cares about that.
**[10:14] Chibi**
I've been wondering about this ever
since I was a kid, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[10:18] Oso**
It's bothered you that much?!
**[10:20] Chibi**
You idjit! Idjits!
**[10:22] Oso**
Damn it!
**[10:24] Chibi**
The he—
**[10:24] Oso**
Hey, everyone, gather up!
**[10:26] Chibi**
Hey! No fair, Osomatsu!
**[10:28] Oso**
Hah. You may be able to win against me,
but you can't win against all of us, Chibita!
**[10:32] Oso**
That's how it's been ever since we were kids!
**[10:35] Oso**
All right, you guys! Defeat the
enemy that's in front of us.
**[10:38] Five**
The enemy in front of us? Okay!
**[10:42] Oso**
Huh? What?
**[10:43] Oso**
What the heck is that shell?
**[10:44] Five**
You should know what shells mean in races!
**[10:48] Oso**
Why me?!
**[10:53] Choro**
Of course you're our biggest enemy, you idiot!
**[10:55] Kara**
Now we can put a period to that shitty reign.
**[10:57] Ichi**
Good work.
**[10:58] Todo**
Bye-bye, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[11:01] Jyu**
I'm the fastest!
**[11:03] Ann**
How can this be? They've committed
genocide against their eldest brothers.
**[11:06] Ann**
Those shitty Matsuno brothers.
**[11:07] Oso**
I-I'm not gonna let them get away with thi—
**[11:13] Oso**
Now you've done it! You've pissed me o—
**[11:19] Oso**
I'll kill all of y—
**[11:25] Ann**
Oh, and it looks like Osomatsu has died.
**[11:28] Ann**
He will be the first one
to drop out of the race.
**[11:31] Choro**
Now the biggest scumball has died!
**[11:33] Todo**
Nice call! Who knows what'd
happen if we'd let him live?
**[11:37] Kara**
Which means that I, the second brother,
become the protagonist by default.
**[11:41] Kara**
Very well. I accept.
**[11:43] Kara**
Starting next week...
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** The Gears of Love Start to Turn
**[11:44] Kara**
The new anime:
**[11:45] Kara**
*Karamatsu of Love ~The Gears
of Love Start to Turn~* will begin.
**[11:49] Kara**
What?!
**[11:52] Ann**
And Karamatsu has died.
**[11:54] Choro**
All right, now the second-biggest
scumball has died.
**[11:57] Todo**
A revolution's happening.
**[11:59] Todo**
Since the oldest two are such shitheads,
**[12:01] Todo**
the third brother, Choromatsu-niisan,
had no choice but to be the responsible one.
**[12:05] Todo**
That's why I can say from the
bottom of my heart that I support
**[12:08] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan winning
and being the protagonist.
**[12:10] Choro**
T-Totty! Don't say that out of nowhere...
**[12:13] Ichi**
You've had it rough because
of those two shitheads, huh?
**[12:16] Choro**
Ichimatsu...
**[12:18] Choro**
Is it okay? Is it okay if I take
over as the protagonist?
**[12:21] Choro**
I've talked so much up to now.
**[12:25] Todo**
I'll protect you, no matter what,
Choromatsu-niisan. I'll make sure you win.
**[12:32] Three**
Totoko-chan?!
**[12:33] Toto**
Hey, you shitty, stupid, NEET v*****
Fappyski brothers with tiny ****s!
**[12:37] Choro**
Such a long insult!
**[12:38] Toto**
Why the hell are you acting
**[12:39] Toto**
like it's only natural that the main
character is one of you guys?!
**[12:42] Toto**
You're just a bunch of shitty NEET v***** Fappyskis with tiny ****s and false ph*mosis!
**[12:47] Choro**
She said we have false ph*mosis!
**[12:51] Choro**
Hey! Todomatsu, you bastard!
**[12:56] Chibi**
T-Totoko-chan! I have no intention
of fighting with you...
**[13:00] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[13:05] Toto**
I want to be popular!
**[13:07] Toto**
I want more parts! The protagonist role!
**[13:10] Choro**
Crap... She's a total demon.
**[13:12] Icihi**
She's too cute.
**[13:13] Choro**
Yeah, she's insanely cute.
**[13:15] Ichi**
We have no choice.
**[13:17] Toto**
Die!
**[13:19] Choro**
Let's stop this. I don't want
to hurt the one I love...
**[13:23] Choo**
Huh?
**[13:25] Choro**
Why didn't it work?!
**[13:28] Toto**
I'm sick of your hot versions!
**[13:33] Toto**
Ichimatsu!
**[13:39] Ichi**
And then...
**[13:41] Ichi**
There!
**[13:44] Toto**
Thank you so much!
**[13:47] Ann**
Ah, and it looks like Yowai
Totoko has self-destructed.
**[13:49] Ichi**
Crap... I went too far.
**[13:51] Ann**
And so, the one currently in
the lead is Matsuno Ichimatsu.
**[13:54] Ichi**
Huh?
**[13:54] Ann**
At this rate, he'll become the
protagonist starting next week.
**[13:55] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu? Todomatsu?
**[13:57] Ann**
The new program, *Ichimatsu-san*, will begin,
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu-san
**[14:01] Ich**
That's too heavy for me!
**[14:03] Ann**
Oh, it looks like he self-destructed, too.
**[14:05] Ann**
And so, the lead is now Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[14:08] Todo**
What? I'm in the lead?
**[14:10] Todo**
I was only driving, and I'm going to
be the protagonist starting next week?
**[14:13] Todo**
What am I going to do?
**[14:15] Ann**
We have a shithead, ladies and gentlemen.
This is truly a shithead right now.
**[14:17] Todo**
Oh, well. I guess it can't be helped.
**[14:18] Todo**
Starting next week, the new show will
just have to be *Todomatsu-chan*.
**[14:27] Ann**
Uh-oh. As everyone expected,
the Final Dayon has been unleashed.
**[14:31] Dayon**
The act is over, you little brats.
**[14:34] Deka**
We're gonna be the protagonists.
**[14:36] Ann**
They're not even ending their
sentences with their verbal tics now.
**[14:39] Ann**
These old men mean business.
**[14:40] Deka**
Die!
**[14:43] Deka**
Start selling our merchandise, too, damn it!
**[14:53] Both**
Sorry to disrupt your work, Onii-san.
**[14:56] Dayon**
All around the world...
**[14:57] Ann**
Now, will this hellish middle-aged
anime really start next week?
**[15:01] Ann**
Are we really okay with this?
**[15:03] Iyami**
Not yet!
**[15:05] Ann**
Oh, this voice is...
**[15:07] Both**
Iyami!
**[15:08] Iya**
H-How dare you two do this?!
**[15:12] Ann**
Apparently Iyami has stolen
Mr. Flag's car and finally caught up!
**[15:16] Ann**
Oh, but he definitely took it up the ass...
**[15:18] Deka**
Give it up, Iyami. We're gonna win.
**[15:21] Iyami**
Win? Not one person is going to make
it to the finish line of this race.
**[15:26] Iyami**
Wake up!
**[15:29] Iyami**
Me realized something.
If me became the protagonist,
**[15:32] Iyami**
if it became me's anime,
there's no need for anyone else!
**[15:39] Iyami**
Which means... you're all gonna die!
**[15:43] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Ero Max
**[15:51] Deka**
It went in!
**[15:54] Ann**
And the old men have fallen for it!
**[15:56] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Me is not done yet!
***SIGN*** F6 Swamp
**[16:02] Toto**
Thank you so much!
**[16:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh! There!
***SIGN*** A Stable Life in Old Age
**[16:11] Momdad**
We want that the most!
**[16:13] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh... Sheeeh!
**[16:17] Ichi**
Huh?
**[16:18] Kara**
Huh?
**[16:20] Person**
I made bank off my affiliates again.
***SIGN*** Something or
Other
Symposium
**[16:23] Youtube**
No one watches TV anymore.
**[16:26] Guy**
Hey...
**[16:29] Iyami**
This is the end!
**[16:32] Iyami**
Sextuplets! Everyone else!
**[16:37] Iyami**
Bye-bye!
**[16:45] Chibi**
The he—
**[16:46] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:50] Hata**
Jo...
**[16:54] Iyami**
Yes! Me has won!
**[16:59] Iyam I**
Now me is the protagonist!
Every episode will be about me!
**[17:03] Iyami**
I have taken back the good
old days of *Osomatsu*!
**[17:06] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[17:06] Ann**
Now, Iyami has turned all of his rivals
into dust with his atom dismantling ray.
**[17:08] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:10] Ann**
He has secured his victory.
**[17:10] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
**[17:12] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:14] Oso**
Whoa... Something insane is happening...
**[17:17] Iyami**
Todomatsu!
**[17:18] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu, damn it!
**[17:20] Iyami**
H-How...
**[17:21] Oso**
You totally don't play fair,
using something like this.
**[17:25] Oso**
You even killed my younger brothers.
**[17:27] Iyami**
Me did it all.
**[17:32] Oso**
Nice!
**[17:33] Oso**
I mean, now all I've gotta do is kill you,
and I get to keep the protagonist role.
**[17:38] Ann**
And this one's a scumball, too.
**[17:40] Ann**
It's truly scumball versus scumball.
**[17:42] Ann**
No matter who wins, this anime has no future.
**[17:45] Oso**
I was just thinking that it'd be
a pain to kill everyone,
**[17:48] Oso**
so this is perfect.
**[17:49] Oso**
Like hell I'm going to let
you be the protagonist!
**[17:52] Oso**
Say your prayers!
**[17:58] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:02] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:07] Iyami**
The protagonist is me...
**[18:08] Oso**
It's me, damn it!
**[18:10] Iyami**
Me...
**[18:10] Oso**
It's me!
**[18:12] Oso**
You bastard!
**[18:19] Oso**
Damn it...
**[18:22] Iya**
Wait.
**[18:24] Iyami**
It's not over yet.
**[18:27] Iiyami**
Behold all of the spite me has saved for this day!
**[18:37] Mecha**
Me will be the protagonist!
**[18:40] Oso**
What?!
**[18:41] Mech**
Sheh.
**[18:42] Ann**
It appears Iyami has modified
himself to rejoin the fight.
**[18:45] Ann**
That's some spite.
**[18:47] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[18:50] Oso**
Y-You bastard!
**[18:53] Oso**
Iyami!
**[18:54] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[18:55] Oso**
Hold it, Iyami!
***SIGN*** Prank
Successful
**[19:00] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[19:07] Hata**
Jo.
**[19:08] Oso**
Iyami! Hey, you're...
**[19:11] ---**
Sheeeh! Sheeeh!
**[19:15] Oso**
What? He can't even hold
a conversation anymore!
**[19:16] Mech**
Me is the protagonist!
**[19:17] Oso**
Uh, I don't think you can, looking like that!
**[19:22] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[19:26] Oso**
Seriously, anything goes?!
**[19:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:41] Ann**
Hm? Hey, that's...
**[19:43] Ann**
It seems the ones who
had their atoms dismantled
**[19:43] All**
Protagonist... Protagonist...
**[19:45] Ann**
are slowly making a comeback.
**[19:47] Ann**
Is this how spiteful they are
about becoming the protagonist?
**[19:50] Ann**
I can't say I don't like it.
**[19:51] Oso**
Whoa, what the hell?! Wh-Wh-What?!
**[19:55] Mech**
Sheeeh?
**[19:56] Zombies**
Protagonist... Protagonist...
**[20:04] Oso**
It's not working!
**[20:05] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[20:06] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[20:11] Ann**
Now it's really getting entertaining!
**[20:17] Jyu**
You're the star today.
**[20:20] Ann**
Now the race is heading into its final stages.
**[20:24] Ann**
What a hellish image...
**[20:25] Ann**
To think that the new protagonist will be
born from this lot is even more hellish.
**[20:31] Toto**
I... I want to be famous... and fawned over!
**[20:35] Chibi**
The secret of these three lines...
**[20:38] Deka**
The Dekapan Cluster is waiting...
**[20:41] Dayon**
I want to hold a woman!
**[20:45] Oso**
I want to be popular...
**[20:47] Kara**
I want to be popular!
**[20:49] Choro**
I want to be accepted!
**[20:51] Todo**
I want to be noticed!
**[20:53] Ichi**
I want to be complimented!
**[20:55] Hata**
I want more parts... jo.
**[21:05] Jyu**
Thanks for your hard work!
**[21:06] Jyu**
Thank you... Thanks...
**[21:12] Ann**
And the only ones left are these two, after all.
**[21:15] Ann**
Who will win the title of protagonist?
**[21:27] Mech**
M-Me will...
**[21:30] Oso**
I will...
**[21:49] Ann**
What's this?!
**[21:51] Ann**
The winner is Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
**[21:53] Ann**
What a comeback!
**[21:54] Ann**
The new protagonist starting
next week has been decided!
**[21:58] Jyu**
I'm gon' make you my heirloom!
**[22:03] Both**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** (Supposedly)
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san
# E19 - Untitled
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675K4E1R/untitled)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san
**[00:01] Nar**
*Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san!*
**[00:08] Shou**
It's an emergency!
**[00:10] Shou**
It's an emergency, I tell you!
**[00:12] Shou**
Shinnosuke!
**[00:13] Shou**
Suzunosuke!
**[00:15] Shou**
Sanosuke!
**[00:16] Shou**
Dennosuke!
**[00:18] Shou**
Yuranosuke!
**[00:19] Shou**
Rinnosuke, Tomonosuke, Kuranosuke,
Ainosuke, Monnosuke, Tetsunosuke,
**[00:24] Shou**
Harunosuke, Junnosuke, Einosuke,
Shikanosuke, Noborinosuke.
**[00:27] All**
What's the matter, Shonosuke-niisan?
**[00:30] Shou**
It's an emergency!
**[00:31] Shou**
Apparently, we heptadecuplets are the
protagonists of this anime starting this week!
**[00:35] All**
What?! Really? Yay!
***SIGN*** Due to reasons from the production side, "New Program:
Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san" will now be ending. Or, really,
we couldn't think of anything else to do with it!
***SIGN*** Period Drama Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[02:31] Bg**
This is awful.
**[02:40] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[02:42] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:43] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:44] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:45] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:47] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:48] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[02:49] ---**
The hell, the hell?!
**[02:50] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[02:52] ---**
The hell, the hell?!
**[02:54] Oso**
Huh? Oh, it's Chibita.
**[02:56] Oso**
Hey, what's wrong Chibita?
**[02:57] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[02:59] Oso**
Chibita?!
**[03:00] Oso**
Right here. I'm right here!
**[03:04] Chibi**
The...
**[03:04] Oso**
What's wrong? You're all panicked.
**[03:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:07] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:08] Oso**
Huh?
**[03:08] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:10] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:10] Oso**
Calm down!
**[03:11] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:12] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:14] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:15] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:15] Oso**
Uh, I have no idea what you're saying...
**[03:16] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:17] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:18] Oso**
I said I don't understand!
**[03:21] Chibi**
The...
**[03:23] Chibi**
Damn it!
**[03:26] Oso**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** Private Detective Chibita
**[03:27] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[03:32] ---**
There.
**[03:33] Hata**
Please stop, jo. It hurts, jo.
**[03:37] Bad**
Take that and that and that.
**[03:37] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo...
**[03:41] Kara**
That's enough.
**[03:42] Hata**
Jo?
**[03:42] Badb**
What?
**[03:44] Bada**
H-Hey, that guy is...
**[03:49] Bada**
The Sunglassed Wanderer!
**[04:03] Bads**
Take this!
**[04:25] Hata**
Jo.
***SIGN*** The Sunglassed Wanderer
**[04:30] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[04:36] Iyami**
Todomatsu-sama, please take this.
**[04:40] Todo**
Iyamiya. What might this be?
**[04:45] Iya**
It's the thing you love most, Todomatsu-sama.
**[04:47] Todo**
Oh-ho, Iyamiya.
**[04:50] Todo**
You're so villainous.
**[04:52] Iya**
Not as much as you, Todomatsu-sama.
**[05:02] Todo**
And?
**[05:03] Todo**
What's in this thing?
**[05:05] Iiya**
As I said, it's the thing you
love most, Todomatsu-sama.
**[05:07] Todo**
No, seriously. Tell me what's actually in here.
**[05:11] Todo**
You're scary, coming here
outta nowhere. Is it a bomb?
**[05:14] Iya**
It's not a bomb.
**[05:15] Todo**
Then what is it?
**[05:16] Iyam**
I can't say it too loudly.
**[05:19] Todo**
That's terrifying! Now I really don't wanna open it!
**[05:22] Iya**
Your voice is too loud!
**[05:23] Todo**
Seriously, what's in here?
It's a bomb, isn't it?
**[05:25] Iya**
No...
**[05:26] Todo**
Then why won't you tell me?!
Can you not tell me because it's a bomb?!
**[05:29] Iya**
No...
**[05:30] Todo**
I don't want it.
**[05:32] Todo**
Take it back.
**[05:33] Iyami**
You're getting too freaked out.
Okay, fine, I'll tell you.
**[05:38] Iya**
It's money.
**[05:40] Iya**
Mo-ne-y.
**[05:43] Todo**
You're lying! There's no way you'd give me that!
**[05:46] Todo**
It's a bomb!
**[05:47] Iya**
I told you, it's not!
**[05:48] Todo**
Can I call Choromatsu-niisan here?
**[05:49] Iya**
No!
**[05:50] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[05:51] Iya**
Hey!
**[05:52] Todo**
Let go!
**[05:52] Iya**
Calm down!
**[05:59] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Scaredy-Cat Magistrate
Todomatsu
**[06:01] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[06:11] Dayon**
So silent it is that I hear
cicadas' cries melt into the rocks.
***SIGN*** So silent it is that I hear cicadas' cries melt into the rocks
**[06:16] Deka**
What a lovely poem.
**[06:18] Dayon**
Dayon.
***SIGN*** Listen carefully as the cicada's loud cries blend into the rocks Dayon
**[06:20] Deka**
Too many syllables.
**[06:26] Dayone**
Into the old pond, the frog jumps
gracefully down, the sound of water.
***SIGN*** Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water
**[06:33] Dayon**
Dayon.
***SIGN*** Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water Dayon
**[06:35] Deka**
Too many syllables.
**[06:39] Dayon**
The summer grass blows,
***SIGN*** The summer grass blows The troops march alongside them, to the end of dreams Dayon
**[06:41] Dayon**
the troops march alongside them,
to the end of dreams, dayon.
**[06:46] Deka**
Too many syllables!
***SIGN*** Matsuo Bashooon
**[06:48] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[07:37] Toto**
You're doing it again, Fappymatsu!
**[07:39] Toto**
That's the bamboo reed I use for suiton-no-jutsu.
**[07:42] Toto**
Give it back!
**[07:45] Toto**
No! Give it back!
***SIGN*** Totoko
**[07:48] Toto**
I said no! You're always using
your ninjutsu for stuff like this!
**[07:54] Toto**
Do as I say, Fappymatsu!
***SIGN*** Ninja Fappymatsu
**[08:03] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[08:13] Mom**
I'm his real mother.
**[08:17] Mom**
No, I'm his real mother.
**[08:20] Chibi**
H-He has two mothers...
What should we do, Magistrate, you idjit?
**[08:27] Deka**
If you both say that you're his real mother,
both of you pull on his cheeks.
**[08:33] Deka**
I will acknowledge the one
who wins to be his mother.
**[08:41] Deka**
The true mother would not want to see
their child in pain, and will let go first.
**[08:47] Chibi**
I see. Uh, but, Magistrate...
**[08:52] Chibi**
He's not in pain at all, you idjit.
**[09:04] Chibi**
Idjit...
***SIGN*** Dekapan Judgment
**[09:13] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[09:28] Todo**
Curse you...
**[09:34] Choro**
T-Todogiku!
**[09:39] Todo**
One... two... three... four...
**[09:48] Todo**
Five... six... seven... eight...
**[09:56] Todo**
Nine!
**[10:00] Todo**
Ten... eleven... twelve... thirteen... fourteen...
***SIGN*** Extreme! City Girls
***SIGN*** Dem Boobies
**[10:06] Todo**
Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...
**[10:07] Choro**
Huh?
**[10:14] Todo**
6,523... 6,524...
**[10:19] Todo**
I'm missing one! Where did you put it?!
**[10:21] Choro**
Does one more really matter?
***SIGN*** Disc Mansion
**[10:24] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[10:31] ---**
Really?
**[10:34] Guy1**
Hey, that's Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
**[10:36] Guy2**
Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
**[10:37] Guy3**
That's him?
**[10:40] Ichi**
Apparently, he can clearly
hear what everyone is saying,
**[10:43] Ichi**
even if many people are
talking to him at once.
**[10:47] Guy1**
Even fourteen people.
**[10:49] Guy2**
That many?
**[10:51] Ichi**
All right, let's try it.
**[10:54] Ichi**
Ready? One, and...
**[11:08] Jyu**
Shut up!
**[11:09] Guys**
What?!
**[11:10] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
**[11:13] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
**[11:17] Jyu**
Shut the hell up!
**[11:19] Jyu**
Hmph! Hmph!
**[11:23] All**
Osoko!
**[11:24] Oso**
Hi!
**[11:25] Oso**
* I'm told that I'm the reliable, no-nonsense*
* type, but I can be cute, too!*
**[11:30] All**
Karako!
**[11:32] Kara**
Heyo!
**[11:33] Kara**
* Not bad. You managed to*
* keep up with me. You pass!*
***SIGN*** Anime Kan
**[11:37] All**
Choroko!
**[11:38] Choro**
What?
***SIGN*** Fu
**[11:40] Choro**
*Do you prefer Chibi x Dayo, or Dayo x Chibi?*
**[11:42] Choro**
*Iya x Hata is definitely no good, though.*
**[11:45] All**
Ichiko!
**[11:46] Ichi**
Yes?
**[11:48] Ichi**
* Living is all about the balance between*
* soul and body. Do you understand?*
**[11:53] All**
Jyushiko!
**[11:55] Jyu**
*Hey, I totally just saw that guy!*
**[11:58] Jyu**
*That young, handsome, hot actor guy!*
***SIGN*** Mount Matsuo
**[12:01] All**
Todoko!
**[12:03] Todo**
Yahoo!
**[12:05] Todo**
* Hey, guys. All of us on Earth are*
* friends riding the same spaceship, right?*
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[12:09] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Municipal Theater
***SIGN*** Today's Program
Tamanokouji Shirimaro
***SIGN*** Shirimaro
Talk Show
**[12:33] Oso**
Whew, I laughed so much.
**[12:36] Todo**
We just added years to our lives.
**[12:38] Choro**
Who cares about falling in love
or getting married anymore?
**[12:41] Jyu**
You said it.
**[12:42] Ichi**
Hmph. I've had it with men.
**[12:45] Kara**
Yeah, I bet you are, especially.
**[12:47] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:48] Kara**
Did you forget?
**[12:49] Kara**
We told you that guy who said he
was the son of some queen's
**[12:51] Kara**
older twin sister was lying,
but you lent him a fortune.
**[12:56] Todo**
And you didn't get any of it back.
**[12:59] Ichi**
Well, you had the water
purifier incident, Todoko.
**[13:01] Jyu**
You wouldn't stop telling us to buy one.
**[13:03] Oso**
One cost 320,000 yen!
**[13:05] Todo**
Well, there's Karako, too!
**[13:06] Todo**
She chased around some youngster at work,
**[13:08] Todo**
and ended up getting caught in a tanuki trap.
**[13:11] Kara**
Like you can talk, Choroko!
**[13:13] Kara**
You got obsessed with that strange actor,
**[13:14] Kara**
went all the way to Johannesburg,
and faced forced repatriation.
**[13:18] Choro**
A-And Jyushiko!
**[13:20] Choro**
She got involved in a love triangle with her boss
and a coworker that lead to bloodshed.
**[13:26] Jyu**
And Osoko just got out of prison
after embezzling 1.5 billion.
**[13:37] Oso**
W-Well, we should act our age now...
**[13:40] Kara**
We still have the charm of being cougars.
**[13:42] Choro**
We're in our final years.
**[13:44] Ichi**
We're reaching our limit.
**[13:46] Jyu**
As long as we have our health.
**[13:48] Todo**
That's right. Hey, look over there!
**[13:51] Todo**
Isn't that Brad Pitt walking over there?
**[13:54] Girls**
No way!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu Rising"
**[14:02] Oso**
Man...
**[14:03] Oso**
But you know, Totty...
**[14:05] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:06] Oso**
I don't wanna work.
**[14:08] Oso**
I want to ride this wave of being
taken care of as long as I can.
**[14:12] Todo**
How do you manage to only say such
wonderful things, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[14:16] Todo**
The oldest brother really is so reliable.
**[14:18] Oso**
I know, right?
**[14:19] Todo**
I know I can trust you. I heart you.
**[14:25] Choro**
Hey, where are the others?
**[14:28] Todo**
Dead, probably.
**[14:29] Choro**
Really? Well, whatever.
**[14:32] Choro**
I have something serious to tell you guys.
**[14:37] Choro**
I'm going to quit being an idol fan.
**[14:41] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:42] Choro**
Well, I thought I should really get serious.
**[14:45] Choro**
I want to get out of this lifestyle.
**[14:47] Choro**
I can't stay unemployed forever,
so I thought I'd quit fooling around,
**[14:50] Choro**
look for a job, and become independent.
**[14:53] Choro**
I'm going to aim high, and live on my own.
**[14:58] Oso**
So, yeah...
**[14:59] Choro**
Hm?
**[14:59] Choro**
I have something serious to tell you.
I'm going to quite being an idol fa—
**[15:03] Todo**
No, we heard you! We heard you,
but we chose to ignore you!
**[15:07] Choro**
Ignore me? Why?
**[15:10] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you want
to escape this lifestyle?
**[15:13] Choro**
Yeah.
**[15:14] Todo**
So you're going to look for a job.
**[15:15] Choro**
Right.
**[15:16] Todo**
And eventually live on your own.
**[15:18] Choro**
Right. Exactly.
**[15:20] Todo**
I see...
**[15:21] Todo**
Then just do it!
**[15:23] Todo**
Stop announcing it to everyone
around you! Just go and do it!
**[15:26] Todo**
Maybe I'll go on a diet,
and stop eating after 6 PM.
**[15:31] Todo**
I'm gonna quit smoking.
**[15:32] Todo**
I want to reset everything,
**[15:34] Todo**
so I was thinking about deleting
everyone from my address book.
**[15:38] Todo**
Who are you trying to impress?!
**[15:39] Todo**
Why should we care?! Just go and do it!
**[15:41] Choro**
Uh... You don't have to say it like that.
I've given this serious thought...
**[15:45] Todo**
Really? Aren't you actually already
satisfied that you announced it?
**[15:48] Oso**
Now, now. We get it, Choromatsu.
**[15:51] Oso**
Job hunting, huh... Good luck. I'll cheer you on.
**[15:55] Oso**
I'll tell everyone else for you. All right?
**[15:58] Oso**
Okay, now this conversation is over.
**[16:00] Choro**
So the first thing I'm going to do—
**[16:02] Both**
We just said you don't have to tell us!
**[16:04] Choro**
I know it's not possible to just start job hunting,
**[16:07] Choro**
so I'm going to start with free hugs in the city.
**[16:12] Oso**
F-F...
**[16:13] Todo**
Free...
**[16:14] Oso**
Free...
**[16:16] Todo**
H-Hugs?! He said he was going to give hugs?!
**[16:19] Oso**
Totty!
**[16:21] Choro**
Communication with others is an
important part of having a job, right?
**[16:24] Choro**
So in order to build myself up to that level...
**[16:26] Oso**
What's his problem?! Is this on purpose?!
**[16:28] Todo**
Actually, I wish he'd say it's on purpose!
**[16:30] Todo**
Otherwise, I might strangle him to death!
**[16:32] Oso**
Yup. Strangle him to death!
**[16:33] Choro**
Also...
**[16:34] Both**
That's enough!
**[16:35] Choro**
I'm going to go on a trip abroad to find myself...
**[16:38] Choro**
And then study abroad to learn languages.
**[16:40] Choro**
And then, I'm going to find
someone to be my girlfriend...
**[16:44] Todo**
Seriously, what is wrong with you?!
**[16:45] Todo**
Just how highly do you think of
yourself?! A trip to find yourself?!
**[16:48] Todo**
Study abroad to learn languages?
Find a girlfriend?
**[16:49] Todo**
Then are you gonna propose to
her with a flashmob in Aoyama?
**[16:53] Todo**
I'm not going to be an extra, you hear?!
**[16:57] Oso**
Calm down. He didn't mention
anything about a flashmob.
**[17:02] Choro**
Huh? Did I say something wrong?
**[17:04] Both**
That's all you've been saying!
**[17:06] Choro**
Well, I guess I did say things that make
me sound like I'm aiming pretty high...
**[17:11] Todo**
That's not aiming high!
**[17:13] Todo**
You're raising your self-awareness!
**[17:15] Oso**
You're self-awareness rising!
**[17:17] Choro**
What's that mean?
**[17:18] Oso**
Look, Choromatsu.
**[17:22] Choro**
Whoa! What is that?!
**[17:24] Oso**
That's your self-awareness.
**[17:25] Choro**
What?!
**[17:26] Oso**
Look how high it is. It's definitely rising.
**[17:28] Oso**
It's annoying everyone else around it.
**[17:31] Choro**
S-So it's a mass of pride?
**[17:33] Oso**
No, it's a subspecies of pride.
**[17:35] Todo**
That's self-awareness rising.
**[17:36] Choro**
Seriously, what does that mean?!
**[17:38] Oso**
By the way, this is my self-awareness.
**[17:40] Choro**
It's so small!
**[17:41] Choro**
What is that? A clump of garbage?
**[17:43] Oso**
Well, it does look pretty gross,
but it's easy to handle.
**[17:47] Choro**
What about yours, Totty?
**[17:48] Todo**
This is mine.
**[17:49] Choro**
It's pretty big! And it's super sparkly!
**[17:52] Todo**
Well, yeah.
**[17:53] Todo**
I mean, I did lie and tell everyone
at Sutabaa that I went to Keio.
**[17:57] Choro**
What the heck? Then you're
no different from me.
**[17:59] Todo**
What?! It's totally different!
**[18:01] Todo**
I know it's painfully sparkly,
but it's still in my hands.
**[18:05] Todo**
I'm able to handle it!
**[18:07] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:07] Todo**
Do you understand? Even if I trouble
anyone, it's just my family and friends.
**[18:11] Todo**
But look at that rising!
**[18:12] Todo**
It's way too high! That can only be evil!
**[18:17] Oso**
Say, Risingfappyski.
**[18:19] Choro**
Who the hell is Risingfappyski?
**[18:21] Oso**
You really should fix that.
**[18:23] Todo**
Yeah, we're warning you as your brothers.
**[18:27] Oso**
Seriously, we're not kidding about this.
**[18:30] Todo**
Not at all. We're seriously worried.
**[18:33] Choro**
Wh-What should I do?
**[18:37] Todo**
I have a good idea.
**[19:04] Choro**
I can't do that. Let's go home.
**[19:06] Todo**
You were talking about giving free hugs.
What are you freaking out about?
**[19:09] Choro**
But hitting on girls isn't something
any human should do.
**[19:12] Choro**
Who would talk to a girl
they've never met before?
**[19:14] Choro**
What is wrong with people?
**[19:16] Oso**
Go talk to someone. Quick.
**[19:18] Choro**
I can't. I'll die.
**[19:19] Todo**
Then just die! That's actually
what we're hoping for!
**[19:22] Todo**
Hurry up and die!
**[19:23] Choro**
You say that, but can you
guys hit on girls yourselves?!
**[19:27] Oso**
Sure.
**[19:28] Choro**
You liar.
**[19:29] Oso**
Here I go.
**[19:30] Choro**
What?! So fast!
**[19:31] Oso**
I'm back.
**[19:32] Choro**
What?! So fast!
**[19:34] Choro**
You got the crap beat out of you!
What did you even say?!
**[19:38] Oso**
But I got her number.
**[19:39] Todo**
Seriously?! You're too awesome!
**[19:41] Choro**
That's awesome?
***SIGN*** In Call
**[19:45] Ann**
*The number you are trying to
reach is currently not in use.*
**[19:48] Oso**
And it won't connect.
**[19:49] Todo**
Way too awesome!
**[19:50] Choro**
Again, that's awesome?!
**[19:52] Choro**
And? Can you do it, Totty?
**[19:54] Todo**
Hm?
**[19:55] Choro**
Hit on girls.
**[19:56] Todo**
Oh, I don't hit on girls.
**[19:57] Choro**
What?!
**[19:58] Todo**
Well, I only fight battles that I can win. Right?
**[20:01] Choro**
You're a terrible person.
**[20:02] Todo**
Yep, I'm the worst.
**[20:05] Oso**
Hey, Choromatsu! How about her?
**[20:07] Oso**
Isn't she super cute?
**[20:08] Choro**
What?
**[20:10] Choro**
Not with someone who's first rate.
**[20:12] Choro**
There's too little hope.
**[20:13] Choro**
I can't take the risk, knowing
that I'll just get rejected.
**[20:18] Oso**
Then what about her? She's not that pretty.
**[20:21] Choro**
Hmm...
**[20:22] Oso**
But her body's pretty hot.
**[20:23] Choro**
Then there's no way!
**[20:25] Choro**
I'm sure she's popular, then!
She won't give me the time of day.
**[20:28] Oso**
Then how about her? Her face
and body are both normal.
**[20:31] Choro**
Hmm...
**[20:32] Oso**
But she's stylish.
**[20:32] Choro**
Stylish?! That's the most impossible!
**[20:35] Choro**
That won't give me any points.
**[20:36] Choro**
It'll just make me feel even more inferior!
**[20:39] Oso**
Then how about her? The slightly ugly one.
**[20:41] Choro**
Oh, the slightly ugly one?
**[20:43] Oso**
Yeah. I bet she has a good personality.
**[20:45] Choro**
Then there's no way! I want someone
who's on the same level as me!
**[20:49] Choro**
I want to feel secure, and I *really* don't
want to be nervous, and when we go out...
**[20:54] Oso**
I'll seriously strangle you to death,
you virgin among virgins!
**[20:57] Oso**
That stance can only mean certain death!
Die, you virgin among virgins!
**[20:59] Todo**
Wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[21:03] Todo**
Look! That's gonna be trouble!
**[21:05] Oso**
Wait, what the hell is that? What?!
**[21:09] Todo**
I-It's a self-awareness big bang!
**[21:12] Oso**
Gah! A self-awareness big bang!
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[21:39] Oso**
Oh, man...
**[21:41] Todo**
Oh, my.
**[21:42] Choro**
Okay, double-click on that. Yes, please
right-click, and then left-click.
**[21:48] Choro**
Or double-click from the download.
**[21:48] Todo**
Looks like a terrible monster's been created.
**[21:50] Choro**
Could you double-click that for me?
**[21:51] Oso**
That's gonna be super hard to handle.
**[21:53] Choro**
Yes. Oh, that's triple-clicking.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:26] Choro**
Choror-ello!
**[23:28] Choro**
I'm the apprentice wizard, Chororin, rin.
**[23:31] Choro**
Lately, my brothers keep denying me,
**[23:33] Choro**
so I went all-out on a character change, rin.
**[23:35] Choro**
Come to the Anime Forest, rin!
**[23:37] Choro**
Lastly, I'll cast a spell to fix
all of your self-awarenesses
**[23:40] Choro**
that are messed up from
anime and the internet.
**[23:42] Choro**
Here we go, rin!
**[23:44] Choro**
Magical, fappycal, pyuropyurorin,
special, spemal, pyuropyurorin!
***SIGN*** "Tell Us, Hatabou" "School Matsu" "Iyami's School"
# E20 - Tell Us, Hatabou / School Matsu / Iyami's School
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYX032X3R/tell-us-hatabou--school-matsu--iyamis-school)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Tell Us, Hatabou"
**[00:02] Hata**
Jo!
**[00:08] Guy**
Mr. Flag, or should I say, Hatabou.
**[00:12] Guy**
We've finally come to the realization...
**[00:14] Lady**
...that you're actually doing
nothing to run this company.
**[00:19] Guy**
Why didn't we realize it before?
**[00:21] Guy**
So long.
**[00:24] Hata**
Jo...
**[00:25] Lady**
Oh, is this a shock to you? But someone like y—
**[00:27] Hata**
Jo? You're not my friends, so I don't care, jo.
**[00:34] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu.
**[00:36] Jyu**
What is it, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[00:38] Ichi**
It's so nice out. Perfect walking weather.
**[00:42] Jyu**
Yup.
**[00:47] Ichi**
Do you really not mind this?
**[00:48] Jyu**
Not at all.
**[00:50] Ichi**
Oh, okay.
**[00:53] Hata**
Kebabs, jo! They're delicious, jo.
**[00:54] Ichi**
What the heck is that?
**[00:56] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:00] Ichi**
Uh...
**[01:01] Ichi**
What are you doing, Hatabou?
**[01:03] Hata**
Kebabs, jo.
**[01:05] Ichi**
Huh?
**[01:07] Hata**
Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:13] Ichi**
What is this? It's delicious.
**[01:18] Jya**
Yum!
**[01:19] Jya**
So good! So good!
**[01:20] Ichi**
Whoa, Jyushimatsu! Jyushimatsu!
**[01:23] Ichi**
Good boy, good boy, good boy...
**[01:25] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:28] Ichi**
Hatabou, these are super good.
What kind of meat is in these, anyway?
**[01:28] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. They're delicious, jo.
Delicious kebabs, jo. Keba—
**[01:34] Ichi**
Huh? Uh... What kind of meat is it?
**[01:38] Jyu**
Hatabou?
**[01:42] Both**
Huh?
**[01:44] Choro**
Our eyes totally met!
She totally looked right at me!
**[01:50] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo.
**[01:50] Choro**
The heck is that?
**[01:52] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers.
**[01:56] Choro**
Hatabou, what are you doing?
**[01:58] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo.
**[02:00] Choro**
Huh?
**[02:00] Hata**
Delicious hamburgers, jo.
**[02:06] Choro**
What is this? They're delicious, Hatabou!
**[02:09] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers, jo.
**[02:11] Choro**
Wow... What kind of meat are you using?
**[02:13] Hata**
Hambur—
**[02:15] ---**
Huh? What kind of meat is it?
**[02:20] Choro**
Er, Hata—
**[02:22] Todo**
Okay, seriously, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:25] Todo**
Why are you dressed like that here?
**[02:27] Todo**
When, where, and how much did you buy that for?
**[02:29] Todo**
Aren't you cold?
**[02:31] Kara**
I feel like I'll freeze to death.
**[02:33] Todo**
You're an idiot!
**[02:35] Kara**
What's that?
**[02:36] Todo**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Horumon
**[02:36] Hata**
Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
It's delicious, jo.
**[02:41] Hata**
Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
**[02:43] Todo**
What is this? It's yummy.
**[02:45] Kara**
It's too good!
**[02:46] Hata**
It's delicious, jo.
**[02:47] Todo**
Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?
**[02:52] Kara**
What kind of meat is this?
**[02:56] Oso**
Er, Hatabou?
**[02:58] Oso**
Seriously, what kind of meat is this?
**[03:01] Oso**
Hey!
**[03:03] Oso**
Hatabou!
**[03:04] Oso**
What kind of meat is it?!
***SIGN*** On Special!
**[03:05] Oso**
Okay, seriously! What kind of meat is this?
**[03:10] Hata**
Yay, jo.
**[03:12] Hata**
I made a fortune again, jo.
**[03:16] Oso**
Seriously, tell me what kind of meat this is!
**[03:19] Hata**
You're all my friends, so you
don't have to hold back, jo.
**[03:22] All**
Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?!
***SIGN*** Let Me Sing Big
***SIGN*** "School Matsu"
**[04:59] Choro**
Yeah, what? What?
**[05:01] Choro**
Whose turf you think yer on with
that smug face of yers, huh?
**[05:04] Choro**
Huh? Huh?! What?!
**[05:08] Choro**
You listening to me, huh?!
That's my spot, you asshole!
**[05:12] Choro**
Don't ignore me, damn it!
**[05:16] Todo**
The hell are you doing? Talk about lame.
**[05:20] Choro**
You! Todomatsu!
**[05:22] Todo**
Yo, Fappymatsu.
**[05:24] Choro**
The hell?! I'm your senpai!
**[05:26] Todo**
Hah! I never considered you my senpai!
**[05:30] Choro**
You want a piece of me?!
**[05:32] Todo**
I have a slight chance of
winning if it's against you!
**[05:40] Choro**
Hey!
**[05:41] Choro**
Have you ever been late? Huh?!
**[05:43] Todo**
Of course I have!
**[05:46] Todo**
Did you ever run in the halls, then? Huh?!
**[05:48] Choro**
Of course not!
**[05:50] Todo**
Lame!
**[05:51] Choro**
The hell did you say?!
**[05:53] Kara**
Hey, you guys!
**[05:54] Kara**
Shut up, you idiots.
**[05:56] Choro**
Th-That's...
**[05:58] Todo**
The self-proclaimed fashion
leader, Karamatsu-san!
**[06:01] Choro**
Wait, what's with that uniform?!
**[06:03] Choro**
Your nipples are showing!
**[06:05] Kara**
I know. Hot, right?
**[06:07] Todo**
That's seriously insane!
**[06:09] Choro**
That shaved line is crazy, too!
**[06:10] Kara**
You look up to me now?
**[06:12] Choro**
It's super insane.
**[06:15] Kara**
And? Is it cool?
**[06:17] Both**
It's insane.
**[06:18] Kara**
I got that it's insane. But is it cool?!
**[06:21] Both**
It's totally insane.
**[06:22] Kara**
I'm asking you if it's c—
**[06:23] Both**
It's super insane!
**[06:24] Kara**
Seriously, is it—
**[06:24] Oso**
Hey!
**[06:26] Oso**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[06:28] Todo**
That's...
**[06:29] Choro**
The trash leader, Osomatsu-san!
**[06:31] Oso**
Huh? Wha? Huh? What, what what?!
**[06:33] Oso**
Huh?! Huh?! What?!
**[06:34] Oso**
Huh? Wha? Huh? What?!
***SIGN*** Unemployed is Just Fine
**[06:38] Oso**
You guys bored? Huh?!
**[06:40] Oso**
I'm asking if you guys are bored, too. Huh?!
**[06:43] Todo**
Y-Yes...
**[06:44] Oso**
You really bored? Super bored?
**[06:46] Oso**
From day to night? You better
not be finding any dreams!
**[06:51] Oso**
You mooching off your parents?
**[06:53] Oso**
Are you talking about work, even
though you've never worked? Huh?!
**[06:56] Oso**
You invite your friends out to drink
**[06:58] Oso**
with every intention of having
them pay for you, huh?!
***SIGN*** Rage
**[07:01] Choro**
I'm sorry!
**[07:04] Oso**
You straight-edge.
**[07:05] Todo**
H-He's on a completely different level!
**[07:07] Oso**
Listen up—
**[07:09] Girl**
And then...
**[07:10] Girl**
No way.
**[07:11] Girl**
And then...
**[07:13] Oso**
Hey!
**[07:15] Kara**
Hey, that's enough, Osomatsu.
**[07:17] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:18] Oso**
The hell's your problem? You look super lame.
**[07:20] Oso**
I've gotta wonder how you have
the nerve to dress like that.
**[07:28] Kara**
Fight me, damn it!
**[07:30] Oso**
Huh?!
**[09:17] Kara**
O-Oh, shit...
**[09:19] Oso**
The leader in the shadows,
Ichimatsu-san, is here...
**[09:23] Ichi**
ksjdhfa
**[09:24] Oso**
Huh?! Uh, yes.
**[09:25] Oso**
You're absolutely right.
**[09:26] Ichi**
laksdjteowikmnc
**[09:27] Kara**
What? Really?!
**[09:29] Ichi**
dfafgoiklnm,ad.s
**[09:32] Choro**
Wow, that's crazy!
**[09:34] Ichi**
akhsdoiqkqkqlnakjdnkaj
asjfjkafhkafkjkjas
**[09:39] Todo**
Whoa! That's amazing!
**[09:40] Ichi**
askjhfaskjkla!
**[09:41] Four**
Sorry!
**[09:42] Ichi**
asdjkahsd
**[09:43] Four**
We're sorry!
**[09:44] Oso**
* Crap... I have absolutely*
* no idea what he's saying!*
**[09:52] Ichi**
asfdavmjkwg
**[09:53] Four**
Sorry!
**[09:54] Ichi**
rgtfcyi
**[09:55] Four**
We're sorry!
**[09:56] Oso**
*Why?! Why are we getting yelled at?*
**[10:25] Toto**
What'd you say?!
**[10:28] All**
Totoko-san!
**[10:30] Toto**
Mackerel, salmon, mackerel, salmon!
**[10:33] Toto**
Pacific bluefin tuna!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Iyami's School"
**[10:41] Chibi**
Welcome! The hell?!
***SIGN*** 4F Iyami's Comedy School
**[10:42] Chibi**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[10:45] Chibi**
So now, I'm going to introduce
the principal of this school,
**[10:49] Chibi**
who'll be teaching you all
there is to know about comedy.
**[10:54] Chi**
*The* person who took the world by storm!
**[10:56] Chibi**
*The* star of the Showa Era!
**[10:58] Chibi**
The con artist comedian with an
overbite, Iyami-sensei, you idjits!
**[11:03] Iya**
Well, hello. Hello, hello.
**[11:05] Chibi**
Yeah! King of Comedy! Woo!
**[11:08] Iya**
Iyami's the name!
**[11:09] Chibi**
Woo!
**[11:10] Iya**
If we may get started, listen to this little tidbit.
**[11:13] Chibi**
What's up?
**[11:15] Iya**
The place me loves the most
is the department store.
**[11:19] Iya**
Because... of my *deppa* (overbite)!
**[11:22] Iya**
Yes, the *deppa*rtment store!
**[11:29] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:34] Chibi**
I'm gonna die! You slay me!
**[11:36] Iya**
And...
**[11:38] Iya**
The food me loves the most... is teppanyaki.
**[11:42] Iya**
Because of my *deppa*.
**[11:45] Iya**
Yes! *Deppa*nyaki!
**[11:51] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:56] Chibi**
The same gag again? Really, you idjit!
**[11:57] Iya**
This is what you call comedy!
**[12:03] Chibi**
Man, that was a great lesson,
wasn't it, you idjits?
**[12:06] Chibi**
See you tomorrow.
**[12:11] Chibi**
Look how much we made
from that stupid lesson.
**[12:15] Iyami**
School-related things are
going to be in from now on.
**[12:21] Chibi**
Who is it, you idjits?
The lesson's already over—
**[12:23] Six**
What up?
**[12:26] Six**
We've come to do comedy!
**[12:29] Chibi**
*They're totally not taking this seriously...*
**[12:31] Chibi**
Hey! Who the hell are you guys?
**[12:33] Oso**
Huh? I'm Osomatsu. I always got laughs in class.
**[12:37] Oso**
I'll be big in no time.
**[12:39] Kara**
I'm Karamatsu. I didn't get lucky in the actor biz.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[12:42] Kara**
Want my autograph?
**[12:44] Choro**
I'm Choromatsu. I'm experienced with retorts.
**[12:47] Choro**
Also, I can do MC and panel comedy.
**[12:49] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu. I wonder if the
crowd can keep up with my comedy.
**[12:53] Ichi**
That's the only thing I'm worried about.
**[12:55] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu! Individuality?
**[12:57] Jyu**
Logic? What the heck is that?
**[12:59] Jyu**
All you need is excitement!
**[13:00] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu! Don't call me a comedian.
**[13:03] Todo**
I'm going for more of a pop image.
**[13:05] Oso**
There you have it.
**[13:06] Six**
Thanks for having us!
**[13:08] Chibi**
What the hell is up with
that attitude of yours?!
**[13:10] Chibi**
Don't you dare underestimate
comedy, you idjits! Damn it!
**[13:12] Iya**
Chibita-kun, calm down.
**[13:15] Chibi**
But, sir!
**[13:16] Iyami**
They are still amateurs.
It's silly to get so angry.
**[13:21] Kara**
So, when do I get to debut?
**[13:23] Todo**
When can I be on TV?
**[13:26] Iya**
You all seem pretty confident.
**[13:28] Oso**
Well, yeah! I mean, TV is so boring these days.
**[13:32] Oso**
If that's all they've got, we're much f—
**[13:34] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[13:36] Iya**
If you're going to be a professional,
don't say something isn't funny so lightly.
**[13:40] Iya**
You need the right knowledge and
education to laugh at things.
**[13:44] Iya**
Which means...
**[13:45] Iya**
People like you who say something isn't funny
**[13:48] Iya**
so easily is the same as saying
you're not funny yourself!
**[13:55] Chibi**
H-Hey, why are you getting so serious?
**[13:58] Iya**
We need to crush the egos of amateurs who
don't take this work seriously early on.
**[14:02] Chibi**
You're the angriest one here!
**[14:04] Iya**
You. Give me a one-liner.
**[14:07] Oso**
Huh?! Right now?
**[14:08] Iya**
Okay, 3, 2, 1.
**[14:10] Oso**
W-Wait! I can't right now!
**[14:12] Oso**
The mood's wrong and the hand-off was—
**[14:13] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:17] Iya**
There's no option to not do it for such reasons!
**[14:20] Iya**
You have nothing to defend,
and yet you're being defensive.
**[14:24] Choro**
Indeed. Being a poser is never good.
**[14:26] Todo**
And then?
**[14:29] Todo**
And then, Iyami-sensei?
**[14:32] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:36] Iya**
Cheap trick bastards like you
who can only mimic comedy things
**[14:39] Iya**
you've seen piss me off the most!
**[14:40] Choo**
Indeed, the type you see among students.
**[14:43] Todo**
Aw, but I just want to be popular,
so I don't care if I'm not funny.
**[14:47] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[14:50] Iya**
Wanting to be popular is perfectly fine.
**[14:52] Iya**
But in order to be funny,
**[14:53] Iya**
you have to *not* want to be
popular to an excessive degree.
**[14:56] Iya**
Would you be able to create
situations at mixers every night?
**[14:59] Iya**
It'd be funnier if you weren't popular.
**[15:02] Iya**
The dilemma of starting this
because you want to be popular,
**[15:04] Iya**
when in truth, you're funnier
when you're unpopular!
**[15:05] Iya**
Do you still think you could do it?
**[15:11] Choro**
You have to sacrifice your private
life in order to be successful.
**[15:15] Ichi**
Yeah, but being successful isn't everything.
**[15:18] Ichi**
As long as I'm able to do what I want...
**[15:20] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[15:23] Iya**
Comedy is a service industry!
What people think of you is everything!
**[15:27] Iya**
If you want to do what you want,
**[15:28] Iya**
go to some underground theater and do
some independent crap, you moleman.
**[15:31] Ichi**
Th-That's fine with me...
**[15:33] Iya**
Is it really?
**[15:35] Iya**
Stand-up comedians like that are only
allowed to say funny words!
**[15:38] Iya**
Can you see yourself at over forty,
working your butt off at a convenience store,
**[15:42] Iya**
and staking your life on witty comments?!
**[15:44] Ichi**
That kind of... hell...
**[15:46] Iya**
You need to be successful
in order to do what you want.
**[15:49] Choro**
Yup. That's a pro.
**[15:51] Jyu**
Then maybe I'll go for the surreal type.
**[15:54] Jyu**
I'll garner attention with
my unpredictable styl—
**[15:56] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[15:59] Iya**
"Surreal" is the most dangerous word of all.
**[16:01] Iya**
You're only surreal if you can be cliché.
**[16:03] Iya**
Weirdos like you who ignore the
rules are just plain weirdos!
**[16:09] Iya**
And...
**[16:11] Iya**
True weirdos like you would
struggle in this day in age.
**[16:14] Iya**
If you want to become a professional,
you need to put in some effort
**[16:17] Iya**
rather than just rely on your foundation!
**[16:21] Choro**
There aren't any successful people
who don't understand logic.
**[16:26] Kara**
I think I've got the rules of comedy down now.
**[16:29] Iya**
Oh? You wrote it all down?
**[16:31] Kara**
In this business, effort is everything.
**[16:34] Iyami**
Idiots who conscientiously
take notes on everything
**[16:36] Iyami**
their master says can't be successful.
**[16:38] Kra**
What?!
**[16:39] Iya**
Having the nerve to ignore advice
creates just the right balance.
**[16:44] Kara**
What am I supposed to believe?!
**[16:46] Choro**
Hey, guys? You're way too shocked.
**[16:48] Choro**
I'm sorry, Sensei. They're all stupid—
**[16:51] Iya**
Let me be honest. You're the
worst out of all of them.
**[16:54] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:56] Iya**
You haven't done anything
original since you got here.
**[16:58] Iya**
You're just making weak comments
in between actions to fill in pauses.
**[17:02] Iya**
You talk like you understand,
but you understand nothing.
**[17:04] Iya**
Guys like you are lame, gross, and painful before
**[17:06] Iya**
we even consider if you're funny or not.
And me hates guys like you the most!
**[17:14] Chibi**
U-Uh... I think that's enough...
**[17:17] Oso**
Wh-What the hell?
All you're doing is complaining.
**[17:19] Todo**
You're just finding fault with us.
**[17:20] Ichi**
Y-You complainer.
**[17:22] Iya**
What? Were you shocked by
the comments me gave you?
**[17:25] All**
Of course!
**[17:27] Iya**
Fine. Then we'll do a little experiment.
**[17:31] Iya**
You, there.
**[17:32] Ichi**
Huh? Me?
**[17:34] Iya**
Make some joke with this tennis racket.
**[17:37] Ichi**
Right now?!
**[17:38] Iya**
You can't?
**[17:40] Ichi**
I-I'll do it, but...
**[17:42] Ichi**
Um... Oh.
**[17:44] Ichi**
S-Strike. I'm an umpire.
**[17:49] Iya**
That's very straightforward and funny.
**[17:51] Ichi**
Huh? Really?
**[17:52] Chibi**
What? I didn't laugh at all.
**[17:55] Ichi**
Huh?
**[17:55] Chibi**
It's too cliché, you idjit.
I've seen that before, anyway.
**[18:00] Iya**
This time, you do it.
**[18:01] Jya**
'Kay. Let's see...
**[18:05] Jya**
Ah!
**[18:06] Jyu**
It got huge!
**[18:07] Iya**
Dirty jokes will scare people off!
**[18:11] Chibi**
No, I actually thought that was hilarious.
**[18:13] Jyu**
Really?!
**[18:14] Chi**
But I'm pretty sure I've heard that somewhere.
**[18:17] Iya**
That didn't bother me.
**[18:20] Jyu**
Really?!
**[18:21] Todo**
H-Hey, who's right here?
**[18:23] Kara**
I'm confused about what's good or bad.
**[18:25] Iya**
And *that* is comedy!
**[18:30] Iya**
When you have fans, that means you'll
also have people who don't like you.
**[18:33] Iya**
You want to satisfy both sides and
gain the support of thousands?
**[18:36] Iya**
You need to leave that
up to the professionals!
**[18:39] Iya**
Which means if lies and complaints bother
you, you won't be able to keep it up.
**[18:43] Iya**
You need to strengthen yourself mentally!
**[18:47] Iya**
Listen up.
**[18:49] Iya**
This is the most important thing.
***SIGN*** Pro
Amateur
***SIGN*** Wants to be a comedian Popular in class A-kun
***SIGN*** Loves variety Face is ugly B-kun
***SIGN*** Good at retorts Postcard writer C-kun
**[18:52] Iya**
You're going to enter this business with the
**[18:55] Iya**
experiences and confidence you already had,
**[18:57] Iya**
and you'll try to gain even more ability... But!
**[19:01] Iya**
That's a mistake to begin with!
**[19:03] Iya**
The first step to becoming a professional
is to take all of your experiences and...
**[19:07] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:09] Iya**
You need to throw them all away
and go back to zero, to an amateur!
**[19:13] Iya**
That is truly the first step
to becoming a professional!
**[19:22] Deka**
You guys, when you open for your senpais,
**[19:25] Deka**
you need to make sure not to get too many laughs.
**[19:28] Choro**
Huh? Really?
**[19:30] Dayo**
When you guys go on, we'll introduce
you as the "Super Funny Sextuplets."
**[19:35] Todo**
Hey, come on. Don't raise the bar for us.
**[19:40] Iya**
I forgot to mention this,
**[19:41] Iya**
but talking with dressing room guys who
haven't been successful on stage
**[19:45] Iya**
is super boring, and won't be any benefit to you.
**[19:47] ---**
Okay.
**[19:52] Iya**
Watch my jokes and learn.
**[19:55] Six**
Okay.
**[19:56] Iya**
Akatsuka-sensei, Akatsuka-sensei...
Please watch over me so I succeed...
**[20:00] Chibi**
Hey, guys...
**[20:01] Chibi**
Make sure you pay really close
attention to Iyami-sensei on stage.
**[20:08] Voice**
And next, we have this man...
The superstar from the Showa Era, Iyami!
**[20:17] Iya**
Y-Yes, yes... Y-Yes, h-hello...
**[20:24] ---**
Huh? It shouldn't be like this... Huh?
**[20:27] Iya**
Huh? It shouldn't be like this... H-Huh?
**[20:32] Iya**
H-Here's a little tidbit. I... I love
department stores because I've got an overbite.
**[20:45] Iya**
Sh-Sh... Sh-Sheeeh...
**[20:54] Chibi**
See? Even if you understand how it works,
**[20:56] Chibi**
if you can't actually do it,
it makes no difference.
**[20:58] Chibi**
If it were that easy, anyone could
make a living with comedy.
**[21:02] Chibi**
Conclusion: if you can, avoid this business!
**[21:09] Oso**
Okay... Let's give up on comedy.
**[21:12] Five**
Yeah, let's give up.
**[21:13] Crowd**
Are you all right?!
**[21:15] Crowd**
Get a hold of yourself!
**[21:16] Crowd**
Call an ambulance!
**[22:48] Oso**
Man, I've had enough of comedy.
**[22:51] Choro**
I don't think comedy was for us, anyway.
**[22:54] Kara**
We didn't have any luck.
**[22:55] Todo**
Actually, what's gonna be in from now on is this!
***SIGN*** Yoyomatsu Voice Acting Academy
**[23:00] Six**
Voice acting!
**[23:01] Ichi**
Heh. Now I only need to use my voice.
**[23:04] Jyu**
I have a feeling I can do this.
**[23:05] Choro**
If you look even half-decent,
you're considered hot.
**[23:08] Todo**
We could probably keep our private
lives even if we become famous.
**[23:11] Oso**
It's, like, perfect in all sorts of ways.
**[23:14] Five**
Yeah! Being a voice actor is perfect!
**[23:17] Toto**
Hey.
**[23:19] Six**
Ah! Totoko-chan!
**[23:21] Toto**
You guys need to project from your bellies!
**[23:24] Toto**
Dumbass!
**[23:25] Toto**
Project...
**[23:26] Toto**
From your...
**[23:27] Toto**
Bellies!
**[23:28] Toto**
Come on!
**[23:31] Toto**
Don't underestimate professionals, damn it!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Mahjong" "God Matsu"
# E21 - Mahjong / Godmatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR190GMV6/mahjong--godmatsu)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Mahjong"
**[00:25] Kara**
*A long night...*
**[00:28] Kara**
*had begun.*
**[02:03] Kara**
*It's our first mahjong game in a few months.*
**[02:05] Kara**
*This first round*
**[02:10] Kara**
*opened with Choromatsu as the starting dealer.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 1
**[02:15] Kara**
*Usually, we're just shitty NEETs.*
**[02:17] Kara**
*But when mahjong is involved...*
**[02:21] Oso**
Riichi.
**[02:23] Choro**
*That was fast. What's his hand?*
**[02:25] Choro**
* It's probably safe to assume a tanpin,*
* and likely one with lots of waits.*
**[02:30] Choro**
* The north wind that he declared riichi*
* with is safe, with two in discards.*
**[02:33] Choro**
* There's a high possibility he was one away*
* from tenpai with two open waits.*
**[02:37] Choro**
* Which means the discarded four*
* of characters suji should still be safe.*
**[02:41] Choro**
*All right.*
**[02:43] Todo**
*Seven of characters? On the first play?*
**[02:45] Todo**
*That's messed up.*
**[02:46] Todo**
* He may be the dealer, but still,*
* it was Choromatsu-niisan who played it.*
**[02:49] Todo**
*Is he close to tenpai? Or in tenpai?*
**[02:51] Todo**
* But if he's in tenpai, he can declare riichi*
* right away, since he has the East seat.*
**[02:55] Todo**
* Wait, he might also have one*
* chance with a six of characters.*
**[02:59] Todo**
* But he could also have tiles no one's discarded yet,*
* dual pairs, or an edge wait on the seven.*
**[03:03] Todo**
* Well, I guess there's no*
* reason to push this hand.*
**[03:06] Jyu**
*Seven of circles? He's out.*
**[03:09] Jyu**
* He discarded the safe tile*
* of the player in riichi,*
**[03:12] ---**
* taking care of the tile that*
* might be dangerous later*
**[03:15] Jyu**
*if the dealer declares a riichi of his own.*
**[03:17] Jyu**
*But what I want to know is, where's the dora?*
**[03:20] Jyu**
* It's a chiitoi with two dora,*
* so he can't quit so easily.*
**[03:25] Jyu**
* The player in riichi plays the dora indicator,*
* the seven of circles, on the third turn,*
**[03:28] ---**
*then come the one and four of characters.*
**[03:30] ---**
* In other words, discarding that seven of circles*
* might have solidified his pair of dora.*
**[03:34] Jyu**
*So a menpin with two dora, for a mangan?*
**[03:37] Jyu**
* Or a tanyao might be added to it,*
* so any reverse dora would make it a haneman.*
**[03:41] Jyu**
*But then, why would the dealer push it that way?*
**[03:44] Jyu**
* He shouldn't have any dora,*
* or the east wind tiles...*
**[03:46] Jyu**
*Wait, does that mean he has a lot of circles?*
**[03:50] Jyu**
*Maybe the dora is over there.*
***SIGN*** Draw
**[04:20] Kara**
*It looked like a quiet start, but...*
**[04:24] Oso**
Tenpai.
**[04:28] Choro**
*W-With only riichi?*
**[04:29] Todo**
*Edge wait on the three of circles!*
**[04:30] Jyu**
*He got us!*
**[04:32] Kara**
* Osomatsu's mahjong policy is*
* to play as recklessly as possible.*
**[04:37] Kara**
*In addition to closed and edge waits...*
***SIGN*** East Hand 2
**[04:39] Oso**
Riichi.
**[04:40] Kara**
* He didn't balk at declaring*
* riichi with a single wait.*
**[04:42] Kara**
*And once you've declared, there's no folding.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 3
**[04:45] Kara**
* The hand that keeps pushing,*
* even against a dealer riichi...*
**[04:47] Kara**
*You push, push, and keep pushing.*
**[04:50] Kara**
*As a result...*
**[04:50] Jyu**
Ron. 12,000.
**[04:52] Jyu**
Ron. 12,000, so 12,300.
**[04:55] Todo**
Ron. 18,000.
**[04:57] Oso**
Bust!
**[04:59] Kara**
* No ability to defend.*
* Probability of a bust: 100%.*
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Never Sees the Last Hand
**[05:03] Kara**
*Osomatsu, Who Never Sees the Last Hand.*
**[05:05] Todo**
Oh, you silly. You're too gracious
a loser, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:09] Kara**
* Meanwhile, Todomatsu's mahjong*
* is just slightly different.*
**[05:12] Kara**
*A calling style, singing strong and fast.*
**[05:16] Todo**
Pon.
**[05:17] Kara**
*Not only does he have speed,*
**[05:18] Todo**
Chi.
**[05:19] Kara**
* but at times, he hands*
* the next player sweet tiles*
**[05:20] Todo**
Pon.
**[05:21] Kara**
*and goads rivals to crush each other.*
**[05:22] Todo**
Chi.
**[05:24] Jyu**
Chi.
**[05:28] Kara**
*However...*
**[05:29] Jyu**
Riichi.
**[05:30] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:30] Ichi**
Riichi.
**[05:31] Todo**
What?!
**[05:32] Choro**
Pon.
**[05:34] Todo**
What?! Three in tenpai?!
**[05:38] Kara**
* When pushed, his mentality is so*
* weak that he pisses himself.*
**[05:41] Kara**
*The longest he can play is 40 minutes.*
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** The Prince of
Minimal Loss
**[05:44] Kara**
*The Prince of Minimal Loss, Todomatsu.*
**[05:49] Todo**
I p-pass.
**[05:50] Three**
There's no passing!
**[05:52] Choro**
Good grief. That's what you get
for not securing any safe tiles.
**[05:55] Kra**
* Choromatsu. The digital player who*
* plays defensively and logically.*
**[05:59] Kara**
* He reads the situation,*
* and makes only the best moves.*
**[06:03] Kara**
*He doesn't believe in the flow or luck.*
**[06:05] Kara**
*His mahjong can be categorized as superior.*
**[06:07] Kara**
*However...*
**[06:08] Choro**
R-Riichi.
**[06:10] Kara**
*His downfall is that he can't tell a lie.*
**[06:12] Kara**
* His waits are apparent in his eyes,*
* and his ron are hopeless.*
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
***SIGN*** No Return Open Riichi
**[06:16] Kara**
*No Return Open Riichi Choromatsu.*
**[06:18] Choro**
Huh? It's not coming out.
**[06:20] Thre**
Uh, of course not.
**[06:23] Jyu**
I have no intention of losing.
**[06:25] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu. The inexplicable occult system.*
**[06:28] Jyu**
1,000 points!
**[06:30] Kara**
*A cheap, nothing hand.*
**[06:31] Kara**
* However, as a result of this,*
* he goes into the zone.*
**[06:34] Jyu**
Tsumo! Tsumo! Tsumo!
**[06:35] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu Time is time for absolute offense.*
**[06:37] Kara**
*Once he has a hand, there's no stopping him.*
**[06:40] Kra**
*However...*
**[06:41] Jyu**
Ron!
**[06:41] Ichi**
Huh? That hand doesn't have enough tiles.
**[06:45] Kara**
* Once his excitement rises,*
* so do his odds of rule violations.*
***SIGN*** The Tyrant
of Furiten
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[06:49] Kara**
*The Tyrant of Furiten, Jyushimatsu.*
**[06:51] Ichi**
Try again.
**[06:54] Kara**
*Ah, Ichimatsu...*
**[06:56] Kara**
*The odd discards, the odd calls.*
**[06:58] Ichi**
Pon.
**[06:58] Kara**
* His speed and plays are totally unreadable,*
* making it black box mahjong.*
**[07:02] Kara**
*However...*
**[07:03] Kara**
* He's just normally weak, and normally*
* loses a lot, and has a pissy attitude.*
***SIGN*** Table-Flipping
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[07:10] Kara**
*Table-Flipping Ichimatsu.*
**[07:13] Ichi**
Why don't we go to bed?
**[07:14] Choro**
Are you a child?!
**[07:16] Kara**
* The time has finally come to*
* show you Karamatsu mahjong.*
**[07:20] Kara**
*I am the winning hand artist.*
**[07:21] Kara**
*There's no point in winning by compromise.*
**[07:24] Kara**
*Mangan? Haneman?*
**[07:26] Kara**
*Menchin? Non, non.*
**[07:29] Kara**
* I'll only settle for yakuman, and won't*
* even accept baiman tenpai. Therefore...*
**[07:33] Choro**
Tsumo.
**[07:34] Kra**
Success!
**[07:35] Kara**
*The poor man everyone wins off of...*
**[07:36] Sign**
*Karamatsu*
***SIGN*** The Never-Winning Fantasista
**[07:37] Kara**
*The Never-Winning Fantasista, Karamatsu.*
**[07:42] Kara**
I'm bust.
**[07:42] Todo**
You're so freaking weak, as usual!
**[07:46] Oso**
Aw, man.
**[07:48] Oso**
This is boring.
**[07:52] Oso**
You guys aren't playing mahjong just
to collect these point sticks, are you?
**[07:59] Oso**
Let's play for real.
**[08:02] Oso**
A game of life or death where
everything rides on just one tile.
**[08:09] Choro**
So you're saying we should get serious?
**[08:11] Todo**
I will kill you, even though you're my brothers.
**[08:14] Ichi**
You guys better start
digging your own graves.
**[08:17] Jyu**
Let's make it so you can't bust.
**[08:18] Kara**
We're going to crush each other.
**[08:21] Oso**
You guys...
**[08:23] Oso**
better prepare yourselves.
**[08:26] Kara**
*Yes, this is where the true battle began.*
**[08:28] Kara**
* The limitless, no-brakes Matsuno*
* Family mahjong has begun.*
**[08:33] Kara**
*The first one to catch
the flow was Osomatsu.*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Mahjong East Hand 1
**[08:35] Kara**
*He remained dealer for several hands.*
**[08:38] Oso**
Ron.
**[08:39] Oso**
5,800, so 6,100.
**[08:43] ---**
Tsumo.
**[08:44] Oso**
3,200 from all, so 3,400 from all.
**[08:47] Oso**
Tsumo.
**[08:49] Oso**
6,000 from all, so 6,300 from all.
**[08:52] Oso**
Ron. 1,500, so 2,700.
**[08:54] Oso**
Tsumo. 2,000 from all, so 2,500 from all.
**[08:57] Oso**
Tenpai.
**[08:58] Oso**
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so 2,000 from all.
**[09:01] ---**
Ron.
**[09:02] Oso**
9,600, so 12,000.
**[09:04] Oso**
Tsumo. 4,000 from all, so 4,900 from all.
**[09:06] Oso**
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so...
**[09:10] Kara**
*Eventually, there were over
50,000 bonus counters.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 1 Bonus: 50,042
**[09:14] Oso**
Riichi.
**[09:16] Oso**
Since you can't bust, I'm going to
squeeze everything I can out of you.
**[09:19] Todo**
*Damn it. I can't let him win any more.*
**[09:22] Todo**
*I'm going for it with this safe tile...*
**[09:27] Todo**
Go, safe tile! Go through!
**[09:37] Todo**
I-It passed!
**[09:39] Todo**
All right!
**[09:39] Oso**
Well, of course it'll pass if it's a safe tile.
**[09:42] Todo**
Yeah! Yay!
**[09:42] Oso**
Don't be so happy, Totty! It's a safe tile!
**[09:44] Todo**
I did it! Congratulations!
**[09:45] Oso**
Please stop!
**[09:46] Todo**
Thank you!
**[09:46] Oso**
It's seriously annoying! Stop!
**[09:49] Choro**
*I can't lose, either.*
**[09:51] Choro**
*This risky tile...*
**[09:53] Choro**
Go through!
**[09:59] Choro**
It passed! Wahoo!
**[10:01] Oso**
Uh, that's also a safe tile.
I've already discarded one!
**[10:05] Oso**
Wait, you wrote on this
with a pen, Choromatsu!
**[10:09] Oso**
Why are you guys fooling around now?
**[10:10] Oso**
Don't do this just because you're losing!
**[10:12] Kara**
The time has finally come.
**[10:12] Oso**
Huh?!
**[10:13] Kara**
The Godhand Jyushimatsu!
**[10:16] Kara**
Yeah!
**[10:17] Oso**
Uh, that yaku doesn't exist! Also,
why do you have that many 1 of bamboo?
**[10:19] Both**
Wow!
**[10:20] Oso**
What the hell is a godhand?!
**[10:22] Jyu**
Here, pon!
**[10:23] Jyu**
Chi! Pon! Chi! And then...
**[10:27] Jyu**
Naked wait!
**[10:28] Oso**
That's enough of that! Let's just play mahjong!
**[10:30] Ichi**
I did it!
**[10:32] Ichi**
H-Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
**[10:35] Five**
Yeah! Daisangen! Doot do do!
**[10:39] Five**
Tsuuiisou! Pon, chi, pon, chi, Hijirisawa!
**[10:45] Oso**
You guys don't play fair!
**[10:47] Oso**
I was totally winning!
**[10:51] Oso**
I'm never playing mahjong
with you guys again!
**[10:54] Oso**
Never!
***SIGN*** "Godmatsu"
**[11:00] Oso**
Man, I'm so over it.
**[11:03] Choro**
Over what?
**[11:04] Oso**
Being with you guys.
**[11:06] Choro**
Huh?
**[11:06] Oso**
I mean, I'm around guys with
the same face every single day.
**[11:10] Oso**
We're all adults now. Why don't you
guys go find your own place to live?
**[11:14] Choro**
Uh, that would include you!
You've got nerve to say that!
**[11:16] Todo**
Rising Fappyski-niisan.
**[11:18] Choro**
Who the hell is Rising Fappyski-niisan?
**[11:20] Todo**
So, what? Are you trying to act
like the honor student again?
**[11:23] Choro**
No, I'm not...
**[11:26] Choro**
I'm a failure, as well. I'll admit that.
**[11:29] Oso**
What?! You admit that?
**[11:30] Todo**
You don't want to work anymore?!
**[11:31] Choro**
No, not...
**[11:34] Choro**
...in the least.
**[11:38] Ichi**
What about job hunting?
**[11:39] Choro**
I don't... don't, don't... feel like doing that at all.
**[11:45] Kara**
Do you want someone to take
care of you all your life?
**[11:48] Choro**
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
**[11:51] Jyu**
In reality?
**[11:52] Choro**
I want to spend my life
chasing after cute idols.
**[11:56] Choro**
What the hell are you making me say?!
**[11:58] Oso**
Aw, man... If Choromatsu's
like this now, we're done for.
**[12:04] Todo**
Yep. Done for.
**[12:08] Some**
We're done.
**[12:10] Kami**
Still... We'll have to work someday.
**[12:14] Choro**
Well, that's true, but...
**[12:16] Oso**
That sucks.
**[12:17] Both**
Totally sucks.
**[12:26] Oso**
Well, shall we?
**[12:37] Todo**
The night breeze feels nice.
**[12:40] Oso**
Oh, yeah. We haven't been
to Chibita's in a while.
**[12:44] Kara**
Yeah, he's probably lonely.
**[12:46] Kami**
I want some oden.
**[12:48] Todo**
Same here. Chibita's oden is so—
**[12:53] Choro**
What's wrong, Totty?
**[12:54] Todo**
Is someone following us?
I feel a strange presence.
**[12:58] Oso**
Huh? Are you getting all scared again?
**[13:00] Ichi**
Here we go... So annoying.
**[13:02] Todo**
No, it's not like that...
**[13:09] Oso**
Hey... Isn't it kinda crowded in here today?
**[13:11] Choro**
Yeah, I wonder why.
**[13:13] Kami**
Sorry.
**[13:14] Kara**
Hey, scoot over a little.
**[13:16] Ichi**
I can't.
**[13:17] Kami**
Wouldn't want to catch a chill after a bath.
**[13:19] Todo**
Yeah, that's the worst for your—
**[13:23] Todo**
Who are you?!
**[13:24] Four**
What?!
**[13:30] Oso**
Wh-Wha?!
**[13:31] Jyu**
Right?
**[13:32] Jyu**
He's there, right? Right?
**[13:34] Ichi**
You noticed him, Jyushimatsu?
**[13:35] Jyu**
Well, duh.
**[13:37] Ichi**
Why didn't you say anything?
**[13:38] Jyu**
Duh.
**[13:38] Ichi**
People would usually mention that!
**[13:39] Jyu**
Duh!
**[13:41] Ichi**
What?!
**[13:42] Kara**
Wh-Who are you? Who are you?
**[13:44] Kami**
Sorry for surprising you. I'm Godmatsu.
**[13:49] Kami**
I'm your seventh brother who
was born from all of you.
**[13:52] All**
Huh?
**[13:53] Kami**
I was born when, every day, a little
bit of good fell off of you guys,
**[13:59] Kami**
and all of that goodness gradually came
together to create the godliest, purest Matsu.
**[14:05] Kami**
Perfect among the perfect.
The ideal among the ideal.
**[14:09] Kami**
That's me, Godmatsu.
**[14:13] Oso**
Sorry, you lost me.
**[14:14] God**
Huh?
**[14:15] Choro**
I don't get it at all.
**[14:16] God**
Ah...
**[14:17] Oso**
Would you draw it for us?
**[14:21] Kami**
Oh, sure.
***SIGN*** Good Hearts
***SIGN*** God
**[14:25] Kami**
Like this.
**[14:26] Six**
Huh...
**[14:27] Six**
I see.
**[14:28] Oso**
I guess stuff like this happens.
**[14:30] Choro**
And the shocking truth is that
gathering this from six of us was
**[14:33] Choro**
barely enough to make one person.
**[14:35] Todo**
And? What's your motive?
**[14:38] Kami**
Motive?
**[14:39] Todo**
You were born to do something, right?
What do you want to do with us?
**[14:45] Kami**
Nothing, really.
**[14:46] Todo**
"Nothing, really"?!
**[14:47] Kami**
Yeah. I mean, I was given
life because of you guys.
**[14:52] Kami**
Not to mention, I have clothes to
wear, and a futon to sleep in.
**[14:55] Kami**
What else could I wish for?
**[14:57] Todo**
But, I mean...
**[14:58] Ichi**
Huh?
**[14:59] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[15:00] Jyu**
Yeah?
**[15:01] Ichi**
Why are you sleeping now?
Nothing's been resolved yet.
**[15:07] Jyu**
But it's late. Let's go to sleep.
**[15:14] Oso**
* Yes, this is where the Hell*
* brought upon us by God began.*
**[15:25] Oso**
Man, I lost! I never expected Sheehkai Teio to win!
**[15:30] Kami**
Osomatsu-niisan, here.
**[15:31] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:33] Oso**
Wh-What?! This is a winning ticket!
**[15:36] God**
I bought it for you.
**[15:40] Oso**
Th-Thanks...
**[15:47] Kara**
Oh, brother!
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyaa
**[15:52] Choro**
I don't have the money...
**[15:53] Kami**
Choromatsu-niisan, here.
***SIGN*** Nyaa Live
Special VIP Seat
**[15:57] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:58] Choro**
Y-You're kidding, right? What?!
**[16:10] Jyu**
Here it comes!
**[16:19] Jyu**
What?!
**[16:21] Kami**
I've never been a coordinator...
**[16:24] Kami**
But I hope there's a girl here
that you like, Nii-san.
**[16:28] Todo**
Wha? What?
**[16:30] Kami**
This is good.
**[16:33] Kami**
Your oden is the best, Chibita-kun.
**[16:35] Chibi**
Oh, stop it, you idjit.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
**[16:39] Kami**
Wow, thanks!
**[16:43] Chibi**
What's wrong with you guys?
You're awfully quiet, you idjits.
**[16:48] Chibi**
Hey.
**[16:50] Oso**
Chibita, our check...
**[16:52] Chibi**
I already got it.
**[16:53] Oso**
You got it?
**[16:54] Chibi**
See? From Godmatsu.
**[17:03] Chibi**
You guys gonna be okay? I mean, with a
great guy like that as your new brother...
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[17:12] Mom**
Godmacchan!
**[17:13] Dad**
Godmacchan!
**[17:14] Mom**
Hey, Godmacchan!
**[17:16] Dad**
Hey, Godmacchan!
**[17:18] God**
Oh, yeah. Here.
**[17:20] Mom**
What is it?
**[17:21] Kami**
Money. I'll be putting 30,000 yen
toward the household every month.
**[17:26] Mom**
Y-You don't have to...
**[17:28] Dad**
Where did you get this money?
**[17:31] Kami**
Huh? I'm already working.
**[17:34] Dad**
Y-You got a job?
**[17:37] Kami**
Yeah.
**[17:39] Both**
Godmacchan!
**[17:40] Kami**
Well, it's been about five days since I was born.
**[17:44] Kami**
It's only natural that I put some
money toward the household.
**[17:47] Mom**
I'm so happy! Even though I don't
remember giving birth to you at all!
**[17:50] Dad**
Wait, dear. I think what Godmacchan
is saying is actually normal.
**[17:55] Mom**
Huh?
**[17:56] Dad**
I think we might have been too accepting
of our sons being unemployed virgins.
**[18:02] Mom**
You're right. I've seen the light.
**[18:05] Mom**
Hold it, you NEETs.
**[18:07] Mom**
No, you maggots.
**[18:10] Mom**
When are you going to start working?
**[18:12] Six**
Well, uh...
**[18:14] Kami**
Don't, Mom.
**[18:15] All**
Huh?
**[18:16] Kami**
I think everyone has their own pace.
**[18:20] Kami**
I'm me, and my brothers are my brothers.
**[18:24] Kami**
Right?
**[18:26] Mom**
Godmacchan!
**[18:28] Dad**
God!
**[18:29] Mom**
You are God!
**[18:34] Choro**
Wait, what?
**[18:36] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan, explain that again.
**[18:39] Oso**
I'm saying...
**[18:41] Oso**
Godmatsu will come into
the room like this, right?
**[18:44] Oso**
Then we...
**[18:46] Oso**
Like this!
**[18:48] Choro**
I see. Instant death.
**[18:50] Todo**
Then how about this?
**[18:52] Todo**
When he comes in...
**[18:54] Choro**
Ooh, mincemeat.
**[18:56] Kara**
I'll plug him full of holes.
**[18:58] Ichi**
I'll take him with me.
**[18:59] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[19:01] Choro**
You're all awesome! I love you all, brothers!
**[19:07] Oso**
Man, who knew it would end this way?
**[19:10] Todo**
It can't be helped. He opened Mom and Dad's eyes.
**[19:14] Choro**
Not to mention, he covered for us.
**[19:19] Kara**
He's done nothing wrong. He has no faults.
**[19:23] Ichi**
And that's exactly why, ironically,
we have no other option but to kill him.
**[19:28] Jyu**
Life is complicated.
**[19:29] Todo**
It sure is, Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[19:48] Six**
Huh?
**[19:50] Oso**
Wh-What is that?
**[19:52] Todo**
H-He's gotten taller...
A-And his face is different.
**[19:55] Ichi**
And he's got a short back and sides!
**[19:57] Kara**
H-He's powered up... What happened?!
**[20:01] Choro**
That's it! Crap!
**[20:03] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[20:03] Choro**
Because we were going to kill him...
**[20:05] Choro**
Because of that, more of
our goodness fell from us.
**[20:09] Choro**
And he absorbed it all!
**[20:14] Ichi**
You mean...
**[20:14] Ichi**
The more evil we plot, the bigger he'll get,
until he becomes the ultimate God?!
**[20:20] Kara**
Not good... We've got a real problem here.
**[20:22] Kara**
We won't be able to defeat him easily.
**[20:24] Todo**
Wh-What should we do?
**[20:27] Toto**
Godmatsu-kun!
**[20:30] Kami**
Yes?
**[20:31] Toto**
Are you done yet? Let's hurry and go on our date.
**[20:34] Kami**
Sure, I'll be right there.
**[20:40] Oso**
Even Totoko-chan?!
**[20:43] Kami**
It's a bit early for that, Totoko-chan.
**[20:48] Toto**
You smell so nice, Godmatsu-kun.
**[20:52] Kami**
Oh? Is this your first time?
**[20:56] Toto**
Huh?
**[20:57] Toto**
Yeah...
**[21:02] Oso**
C-Crap...
**[21:05] Oso**
How the hell are we supposed
to beat a guy like that?!
***SIGN*** Inokashira Heights
**[21:15] God**
W-Wait a sec...
**[21:18] Three**
What?!
**[21:22] Bad**
Hah! Too easy. The good parts of a person?
**[21:26] Bad**
Now, now. You shouldn't underestimate
the shitty parts of us, either.
**[21:33] Bad**
My brothers! You need to have more
confidence in your shittiness!
**[21:38] Bad**
And you may call upon me,
Evilmatsu, again at any time!
**[21:50] Toto**
I... I never would have thought...
**[21:53] Toto**
This, and then that happened, and now this...
**[21:56] Mom**
I'm surprised.
**[21:57] Dad**
We just saw something incredible.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:34] Todo**
Next week's *Osomatsu-san* is...
**[23:36] Todo**
Huh? A... A bend in the space-time continuum!
**[23:40] Todo**
Whoa! Save me, Nii-sans!
**[23:43] Todo**
A-A-Aroma—!
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu" "Final Sheeeh"
# E22 - The Star of Hope, Todomatsu / Final Sheeeh
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYNQX343Y/the-star-of-hope-todomatsu--final-sheeeh)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Matsu
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu"
**[01:33] Todo**
What should I do?
**[01:34] Todo**
We need one more person for the mixer.
**[01:37] Todo**
If I can't find someone, it'll be called off.
**[01:40] Todo**
Let's see... The requirements are a guy in his 20s
**[01:43] Todo**
who's hot and energetic.
**[01:46] Todo**
But someone who looks better than me is a no.
**[01:49] Todo**
That would decrease my chances.
**[01:52] Todo**
I'd like it to be a guy who's a bit ugly,
**[01:53] Todo**
who can't brag about his job
and doesn't have any status.
**[01:56] Todo**
But someone who's easy to
talk to would be nice...
**[02:00] Todo**
Isn't there anyone?
**[02:04] Todo**
Oh!
**[02:05] Todo**
What about Atsushi-kun?
**[02:07] Todo**
No, wait. He's top tier.
**[02:09] Todo**
He's not bad to look at and has a car.
**[02:12] Todo**
What about Shittysuke?
**[02:13] Todo**
No, he'll scare the girls away.
**[02:16] Todo**
Hey, what about Normalmaru?
Yeah, he's just about right.
**[02:20] Todo**
But I have a hard time talking to him.
**[02:24] Todo**
There just isn't anyone I know
**[02:25] Todo**
who's in their 20s, not that popular,
and easy to talk to.
**[02:32] Both**
Uh, yes there is!
**[02:34] Oso**
There is, there is, there is, there is!
**[02:34] Choro**
There is, there is, there is, there is!
**[02:35] Oso**
There is, right?
**[02:36] Choro**
There is!
**[02:38] Choro**
There is, right?
**[02:38] Oso**
There is!
**[02:41] Oso**
Totty!
**[02:41] Choro**
Totty!
**[02:42] Oso**
There is, Totty!
**[02:43] Choro**
There is, Totty!
**[02:45] Both**
Totty!
**[02:49] Todo**
What to do...
**[02:51] Oso**
He's not even listening!
**[02:53] Choro**
Hey, Totty? Totty...
**[02:56] Choro**
Uh, Totty...
**[02:59] Choro**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[03:02] Choro**
Wipe that blank stare out of your eyes!
**[03:05] Todo**
What?
**[03:06] Choro**
You're looking for someone else
to take to the mixer, right?
**[03:09] Todo**
Yeah.
**[03:09] Oso**
What are the requirements?
**[03:11] Oso**
Someone in their 20s, no status,
who's easy to talk to?
**[03:15] Todo**
Yeah.
**[03:15] Both**
There is someone! Right here close to you!
**[03:18] Totty**
Huh?
**[03:19] Oso**
There are a lot! Like, five!
**[03:21] Todo**
That many?!
**[03:22] Todo**
Huh? Who?
**[03:23] Todo**
Who are you talking about?
**[03:25] Todo**
Hey, tell me!
**[03:27] Choro**
Er...
**[03:28] Choro**
It wouldn't be right to tell you.
**[03:30] Todo**
Huh?
**[03:31] Choro**
We want you to think of it yourself.
**[03:34] Todo**
Why?
**[03:35] Choro**
Because we'll die of loneliness otherwise.
**[03:37] Oso**
Yeah. We'll die.
**[03:39] Todo**
What?
**[03:40] Todo**
Who is it? Huh?
**[03:41] Todo**
Seriously, who... Wait...
**[03:44] Todo**
Uh...
**[03:45] Todo**
Who? What?
**[03:46] Ichi**
He seriously doesn't know! How terrifying!
**[03:49] Oso**
Here's a hint. His name is something-matsu.
**[03:51] Choro**
Right. You basically said it,
but I guess it can't be helped now.
**[03:55] Todo**
Something-matsu?
**[04:01] Todo**
Who?
**[04:02] Choro**
Why don't you die?! Seriously, just go die!
**[04:05] Jyu**
Nii-san!
**[04:08] Todo**
What?!
**[04:09] Todo**
You're joking, right?
**[04:11] Todo**
Are you serious?
**[04:12] Todo**
Choose one of you guys to take to the mixer?
**[04:15] Todo**
No way, I can't do that! That's suicide!
**[04:19] Todo**
Um, I don't need any offerings.
**[04:21] Oso**
But it's tomorrow, right?
**[04:23] Oso**
If you don't find someone,
the mixer will be called off, right?
**[04:28] Kara**
Totty. Let's go with a win/win situation.
**[04:31] Todo**
There's no situation where
I'm winning right now.
**[04:33] Choro**
Be honest. Who of us would you pick?
**[04:35] Todo**
None of you! It's like comparing
five pieces of goldfish shit!
**[04:37] Choro**
That comparison doesn't exist!
**[04:40] Todo**
Well, if I had to choose...
**[04:43] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[04:44] Three**
What?!
**[04:45] Todo**
His hyperactive personality
might be a hit at a mixer.
**[04:49] Jyu**
Totty!
**[04:50] Todo**
There's no way I could take him, though.
**[04:52] Jyu**
Totty?!
**[04:53] Todo**
I mean...
**[04:55] Todo**
He's been hard ever since I mentioned a mixer.
**[04:58] Jyu**
Hardty!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[05:03] Todo**
All right, guys.
**[05:05] Todo**
We're about to hold the auditions,
so take this seriously.
**[05:15] Todo**
Listen up!
**[05:17] Todo**
I'm going to be frank!
Never hold me back ever again!
**[05:21] Todo**
We sextuplets are the lowest of
the low in the caste system,
***SIGN*** Awesome
***SIGN*** Matsuno
Family
**[05:24] Todo**
and reside in the shitty dark hell caste
of the demon world of darkness.
**[05:28] Todo**
And the only one of us
who has a glimmer of hope
**[05:31] Todo**
at graduating from being a virgin is me.
**[05:33] Todo**
Yet all you do is get in my way!
**[05:37] Todo**
How does it help anything
if scum is jealous of scum?
**[05:39] Todo**
If we don't overcome this obstacle,
we're going to be virgins forever!
**[05:42] Todo**
Let's make a promise. When I'm able to do it,
**[05:45] Todo**
I will come back for you all,
**[05:47] Todo**
and I will pull you up with me.
**[05:50] Todo**
So, let me go first!
**[05:53] Todo**
I'll break the way through to being top tier.
**[05:56] Todo**
I'll pay you all back!
**[05:58] Four**
T-Totty!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[06:01] Todo**
All right, let's start.
**[06:03] Todo**
Thanks for coming!
**[06:05] Four**
Thanks for having us!
**[06:07] Todo**
First, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[06:09] Ichi**
Wh-Why me?
**[06:11] Ichi**
You don't have to pick me. I'm not interested.
**[06:14] Ichi**
A mixer? What's that even mean?
**[06:16] Ichi**
How stupid.
**[06:17] Choro**
Do you realize how obvious you're being?
**[06:20] Kara**
All right, here we go.
Mixer audition, ready... go!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[06:35] Oso**
Uh, Ichimatsu?
**[06:36] Choro**
Ichimatsu, you have to say something.
**[06:42] Choro**
No, no, no. Huh?
**[06:43] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[06:44] Oso**
Talk, Ichimatsu.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[06:47] Kara**
You can say anything.
**[06:49] Choro**
Ichimatsu?
**[06:49] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[06:50] Kara**
Talk.
**[06:51] Jyu**
Nii-san?
**[06:52] Oso**
Hey.
**[06:53] Choro**
Ichimatsu!
**[06:58] Kara**
Cut!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition Ichimatsu
**[06:59] Choro**
Wait, what the hell are you doing?!
Why are you taking a dump?!
**[07:02] Ichi**
Well, you guys wouldn't shut up.
I have my own pace!
**[07:07] Oso**
What does that have to do with anything?!
**[07:09] Oso**
Who takes a dump because
hey were thrown off their pace?!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:11] Todo**
Next!
**[07:13] Oso**
This'll be a cinch! Just you watch!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
**[07:17] Kara**
And, go!
**[07:20] Oso**
Good evening.
**[07:21] Todo**
Good evening.
**[07:22] Oso**
Well, aren't you cute? Yeah-yuh!
**[07:24] Todo**
W-W-Wait!
**[07:27] Kara**
Cut!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition Osomatsu
**[07:28] Todo**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[07:30] Oso**
Huh? Isn't it okay to do that at mixers?
**[07:32] Todo**
Like hell it is! What kind of idea
do you have about mixers?
**[07:35] Oso**
They'll let me do it if I grovel.
**[07:37] Choro**
This isn't a porno!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:38] Oso**
What? You can't touch them?
**[07:41] Oso**
Then I'm not going.
**[07:43] Todo**
You're trash! Next!
**[07:45] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, you ready to go yet?
**[07:49] Jyu**
It hasn't gone down yet.
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:51] Todo**
Next!
**[07:53] Kra**
I, Karamatsu, shall talk my way into your heart.
**[07:56] Ichi**
Here we go. Damn it, here we go already!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Shittymatsu
**[08:01] Kara**
Mixers. They are a microcosm of life.
**[08:04] Kara**
A woman and a man meet and talk,
**[08:06] Kara**
while replenishing the liquids
their bodies need most.
**[08:10] Kara**
And then finally, yes...
**[08:14] Kara**
The check.
**[08:23] Choro**
That made no sense. Were you
trying to be cool just now?
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[08:26] Todo**
Next.
**[08:28] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, can you go?
**[08:31] Jyu**
Not yet.
**[08:32] Todo**
Then, next.
**[08:33] Todo**
That's you, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[08:36] Choro**
Nah, I'll pass.
**[08:37] Todo**
Huh?
**[08:38] Choro**
I thought it over, and mixers
don't interest me that much.
**[08:41] Choro**
And it's not good to be flashy.
**[08:42] Todo**
She'll be there.
**[08:45] Choro**
I want to have a more wholesome meeting...
**[08:48] Choro**
I think that's what true love is.
**[08:55] Oso**
You just sit there and keep rising.
**[08:57] Todo**
Damn Fappymatsu.
**[08:59] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu?
**[09:00] Jyu**
Aw, man. It's just not going down.
**[09:11] Oso**
Uh, Todo..
**[09:12] Todo**
Quiet. I'm thinking about who to take.
***SIGN*** Takes a dump
***SIGN*** Fast hands
***SIGN*** Boner
***SIGN*** Dialogue makes no sense
***SIGN*** Rising
**[09:19] Todo**
*Like I can pick one!*
**[09:21] Todo**
Let me be alone.
**[09:22] Oso**
Todomatsu!
**[09:25] Oso**
Sorry about all of this...
**[09:28] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:29] Oso**
You're pretty unfortunate to
have older brothers like us.
**[09:33] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:34] Oso**
You probably hate us, huh?
**[09:35] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:36] Oso**
You look down on us.
**[09:38] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:42] Todo**
Well, then...
**[09:42] Choro**
U-Um... Please make an impartial decision.
**[09:46] Todo**
Shut up, you idiot!
**[09:48] Five**
T-Totty...
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu"
**[09:55] [SONG] Song**
Ah, Totty
**[09:57] [SONG] Song**
Oh, Totty
**[10:00] [SONG] Song**
The bridge to land,
**[10:03] [SONG] Song**
The star of hope
**[10:05] [SONG] Song**
You're the only one we can count on
**[10:07] [SONG] Song**
You're the only one
**[10:10] [SONG] Song**
If you can't do it, we
brothers will be destroyed
**[10:17] [SONG] Song**
Ah, Totty
**[10:19] [SONG] Song**
Oh, Totty
**[10:22] [SONG] Song**
Hurry up and do it
**[10:30] Todo**
Huh?!
**[10:32] God**
Totty. You should be more
honest with yourself.
***SIGN*** The God
***SIGN*** of Mixers
**[10:35] God**
You treat your older brothers like trash,
**[10:38] God**
but deep down, you're just trying to be nice.
**[10:41] God**
But the requirement is to bring one.
**[10:43] God**
Which means, no matter how hard
you try, you cannot take all five.
**[10:48] God**
Yes, at this rate, you will lose your chance, as well.
**[10:52] God**
Now choose. Choose the one.
**[10:56] God**
Deep down, you already know who you want to take.
**[11:05] Todo**
Y-Yes!
**[11:12] Girl**
Hey, Atsushi-kun. You bought a car, right?
**[11:15] Girl2**
I wanna go for a drive.
**[11:17] Atsu**
Sure. Whenever I can get a day off.
**[11:19] Girl**
I get to go first!
**[11:21] Guy**
Today's mixer sure is fun.
**[11:26] Girl**
Hey, Nothingo.
**[11:28] Todo**
Huh?
**[11:29] Girl**
Your name is Nothingo, right?
**[11:31] Todo**
Uh, yes...
**[11:33] Girl**
Get me another lemon sour.
**[11:35] Todo**
Oh. Right.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Latematsu
**[11:46] Guy**
Hey, you.
***SIGN*** "Final Sheeeh"
**[11:47] Guy**
Don't fall asleep in here. Hey, you!
**[11:49] Guy**
Damn it... Why are you alive?
**[11:51] Guy**
Oh, no!
**[11:56] Guy**
Huh?
**[11:59] Oso**
What'd you say?!
**[12:01] Oso**
You got a problem with that, Choromatsu?
**[12:03] Choro**
Huh? I said something because I do, you idiot.
**[12:06] Kara**
Who're you calling an idiot?
**[12:07] Choro**
I wasn't talking to you.
**[12:09] Todo**
Who are you calling a cute prince?
**[12:11] Choro**
I didn't even say that.
**[12:13] Ichi**
Who are you calling a Scottish Fold?
**[12:15] Choro**
I didn't say that, okay?!
**[12:16] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up, shut up!
**[12:19] Oso**
You're louder than any of us, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:22] All**
Yeah!
**[12:25] All**
Wasabi octopus?
**[12:27] Guy**
Be quiet. You're ruining the taste of my sake.
**[12:31] Oso**
The hell did you say, old man?
**[12:34] Oso**
Don't interfere in a fight between brothers!
**[12:40] Guy**
I've got more snacks now. Thanks.
**[12:42] Guy**
That's enough. If I fought with you,
I'd just be picking on the weak.
**[12:49] Oso**
Hey, he just called us weak.
**[12:51] Ichi**
Yeah, he did.
**[12:53] Todo**
What do you want to do? Kill him?
**[12:55] Jyu**
Let's kill him!
**[12:56] Kara**
It's been a while.
**[12:57] Choro**
Hey, old man! Don't underestimate us sextuplets!
**[13:01] Oso**
Kill him!
**[13:04] Guy**
Hup!
**[13:06] Guy**
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
**[13:17] Guy**
See? Now it's just me picking on the weak.
**[13:20] Ich**
The real fight's...
**[13:21] Ich**
...just about to start.
**[13:22] Choro**
We'll kill you!
**[13:27] Guy**
Good grief. I guess I'll have to use this...
**[13:40] Oso**
Wh-What was that move? Ugh, I'm tired.
**[13:46] Guy**
That is a special move from my
country, called the "Fheeeh."
**[13:49] Guy**
That should teach you a lesson.
**[13:52] Guy**
* It seems the one I'm searching*
* for is not in this country, either.*
**[13:56] Guy**
*I just wasted my time.*
**[13:58] Iya**
It's so noisy... What's all the racket?
**[14:02] Iya**
M-Me shochu!
**[14:04] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:06] Guy**
*That's... That pose...*
**[14:09] Iya**
Me gyoza! Me stew!
**[14:11] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:13] Guy**
* That's the pose of the legendary ultimate*
* move that surpasses my Fheeeh,*
**[14:16] Guy**
*the Sheeeh!*
**[14:17] Guy**
*To think someone exists today who can use it!*
**[14:20] Iya**
Those stupid sextuplets...
**[14:22] Guy**
Pardon.
**[14:23] Guy**
Would you happen to be a user of the Sheeeh Fist?
**[14:27] Iya**
Sheeeh Fist?
**[14:28] Guy**
Please don't hide it.
**[14:31] Iya**
What are you talking about?
**[14:32] Guy**
You must have inherited the great Sheeeh Fist.
**[14:36] Iya**
No, me is just Iyami.
**[14:38] Guy**
I'm so honored to meet you.
**[14:39] Iya**
Who are you?
**[14:42] Guy**
Please, Savior! Please use your
strength to save my homeland!
**[14:48] Iya**
U-Um... What are you talking about?
**[14:53] Guy**
My country, Akaatsuka,
is a small country near Tibet.
**[14:56] Guy**
Whoever wins the martial arts tournament held
once every ten years becomes the king.
**[15:00] Guy**
However, the current administration
is connected to a crime organization,
**[15:04] Guy**
and the fall of our country is imminent.
**[15:06] Guy**
So I would like for you, who has
learned the legendary Sheeeh,
**[15:10] Guy**
which no normal person could do,
**[15:13] Guy**
to come win the tournament
and save my country.
**[15:16] Guy**
You'll accept, won't you?
**[15:18] Iya**
Nope! Not happening!
**[15:20] Iya**
That's too much trouble!
**[15:22] Guy**
But if you don't, my country...
**[15:24] Iya**
Let it fall! Me is not interested
in any country other than France.
**[15:28] Guy**
Very well...
**[15:31] Guy**
Then let me explain the
history of the Sheeeh Fist.
**[15:33] Iya**
Why?!
**[15:34] Guy**
Please look over at that monitor.
***SIGN*** The Origins of Sheeeh
**[15:37] Nar**
* The Sheeeh Fist, otherwise*
* known as the Shiei Fist.*
**[15:41] Nar**
* Its origins are ancient, said to be founded*
* 9,000 years ago near the Yellow River.*
**[15:46] Nar**
*Its unique kata creates*
**[15:47] Nar**
* destructive force by taking one's*
* physical abilities to the limit,*
**[15:50] Nar**
* and is famous for being*
* an ultimate fighting move.*
**[15:52] Nar**
* In ancient times, it was called the Shiya Fist;*
* in the middle ages, the Shiyu Fist;*
**[15:54] Nar**
* and in recent times, the Shiei Fist,*
* and is now handed down as a myth.*
**[16:00] Nar**
* Quoted from "The Origins of Sheeeh"*
* by Minmin Books.*
**[16:03] Guy**
And that's that.
**[16:05] Iya**
Let me go! Let me go!
**[16:05] Guy**
You have the ability to use the Sheeeh Fist.
**[16:08] Guy**
Train with me, and enter the tournament.
**[16:11] Iya**
Me told you that it has nothing to do with me!
**[16:12] Guy**
But my country...
**[16:14] Iya**
Me told you, just let it fall, then!
**[16:16] Iya**
If you're that obsessed with it, you enter it!
**[16:18] Girl**
He can't!
**[16:21] Guy**
Shaorin.
**[16:24] Shao**
Iyami-san. My father has a
sickness of the heart. So please...
**[16:29] Iya**
Me will enter the tournament.
**[16:31] Guy**
Huh?
**[16:31] Shao**
Really?
**[16:33] Iya**
Of course! Me will use my ultimate
Sheeeh Fist and save your homeland.
**[16:38] Shao**
I-Iyami-san...
**[16:43] Iya**
*Me will be taking this cutie as my reward!*
**[16:46] Iya**
*Our honeymoon will be in France!*
**[16:51] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[16:53] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[16:54] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[16:56] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:00] ---**
Sheeeh...
**[17:03] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:06] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh.
**[17:10] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[17:14] Iya**
Sheeeh...
**[17:20] ---**
Sheeeh.
**[17:21] Iya**
Sheeeh on, sheeeh off.
**[17:23] Iya**
Sheeeh on, sheeeh off.
**[17:24] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Day of the Martial Arts Tournament
**[17:40] Ann**
And now, the martial arts
tournament for the right to rule
**[17:44] Ann**
the kingdom of Akaatsuka is about to begin.
**[17:46] Ann**
The first match is between these cards.
**[17:48] Oso**
Choromatsu.
**[17:49] Choro**
Hm?
**[17:50] Oso**
How much did you bet?
**[17:51] Choro**
80 yen. What about you, Ichimatsu?
**[17:53] Ichi**
70 yen.
**[17:54] Todo**
I bet 50 yen.
**[17:55] Kara**
I bet 60 yen.
**[17:56] Oso**
Yeah, I bet 60, too.
**[17:58] Choro**
So... That makes the total 320 yen.
**[18:02] Oso**
This'll be a pretty big wager.
**[18:04] Ichi**
What about you, Jyushimatsu?
**[18:05] Jyu**
Aw, I didn't make it in time to enter.
**[18:09] Todo**
Wait, you were gonna enter?
**[18:14] Choro**
Iyami, if you lose, we'll beat you to a pulp!
**[18:16] Todo**
We'll burn your house down.
**[18:18] Jyu**
Pull in your arms! Watch the ball!
**[18:20] Guy**
It'll be all right. Let us trust
the results of your training.
**[18:24] Shao**
Iyami-san...
**[18:27] Iya**
Trust me.
**[18:30] Shao**
Yeah.
**[18:31] Ann**
And the first match begins!
**[18:36] Iya**
Sorry, but me is here to win.
You're just going to have to lose.
**[18:50] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[18:57] Shao**
Iyami-san, look out!
**[19:01] Iya**
Huh? Huh?!
**[19:03] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:07] Iya**
Huh? What?
**[19:08] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:12] Ann**
He's being pounded. Is the match over already?
**[19:15] Guy**
I-Impossible! His Sheeeh kata should be perfect.
**[19:18] Shao**
Iyami-san!
**[19:21] Kara**
Hey, what's with that?
**[19:27] Oso**
You idiot!
**[19:30] Oso**
Iyami! What's that half-assed sheeeh?!
**[19:32] Oso**
You trained? Your kata is perfect?
**[19:34] Oso**
You idiot!
**[19:35] Oso**
A sheeeh that only looks perfect
on the outside is pointless!
**[19:38] Iya**
On the outside?
**[19:40] Oso**
Of course it won't be powerful
if you don't put any feeling into it!
**[19:43] Oso**
You need to sheeeh from your belly!
**[19:45] Oso**
Everyone's waiting for you to
sheeeh from the heart!
**[19:48] Iya**
Sheeeh from the heart?
What are you talking about?
**[19:52] Choro**
Okay, leave this to us. Hey, what's this?
**[19:56] Iya**
That's me bank statement!
**[20:01] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:03] Both**
There it is!
**[20:04] Iya**
Damn it, Osomatsu! What are you doing?!
**[20:06] Choro**
No, I'm Choromatsu.
**[20:08] Todo**
Iyami, this too!
**[20:10] Iya**
That's my insurance card!
**[20:14] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:16] Both**
Yes!
**[20:17] Kara**
Iyami, I released a photobook.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[20:20] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:22] Jyu**
Iyami, look!
**[20:24] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:26] Oso**
Iyami, this girl actually has a husband and kids.
**[20:31] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[20:34] Ann**
And he's down! Iyami's magnificent
attack has hit its mark!
**[20:40] Iya**
That's enough out of all of you!
What do you have against me?!
**[20:44] Choro**
Whew, it worked.
**[20:46] Oso**
All right!
**[20:47] Oso**
Time for the final blow. Let's go!
**[20:48] Todo**
Uh, but...
**[20:50] Todo**
I don't think I have anything else
to surprise Iyami with.
**[20:52] Oso**
Sheeeh! Seriously?!
**[20:54] Guy**
Screw this sheeeh. I'll kill you!
**[21:01] Todo**
Crap, crap, crap! Hurry and find
something to surprise him!
**[21:04] Ichi**
What about your collection, Totty?
**[21:06] Totty**
Sheeeh! Why did you bring that?!
**[21:08] Totty**
What's the point of surprising me?!
**[21:09] Oso**
Iyami, look!
**[21:11] Both**
We're naked!
**[21:12] Chro**
Sheeeh! Stop!
**[21:13] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[21:14] Choro**
Not "Boeh!"
**[21:15] Guy**
This is the end!
**[21:20] Six**
Our 320 yen!
**[21:31] Oso**
Th-That's...
**[21:33] Dayon**
I made it in time.
**[21:35] Six**
Dayon!
**[21:42] Iya**
Final...
**[21:44] Iya**
Final...
**[21:47] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Fin
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:39] Oso**
Yay! Next week's the final episode!
**[23:42] Oso**
Huh? It's not?
**[23:43] Oso**
There are three more episodes?
***SIGN*** "Kerosene" "Dayon Tribe"
**[23:44] Oso**
I hate fussing over little details like that.
**[23:48] Oso**
Also, I want some yakiniku!
# E23 - Kerosene / Dayon Tribe
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6MGP3926/kerosene--dayon-tribe)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Kerosene"
**[01:43] Oso**
Thanks.
**[02:53] Oso**
*Hey, go.*
**[02:56] Oso**
*Someone go. You heard it go off, didn't you?*
**[02:59] Ichi**
* The kerosene ran out.*
* You guys realize that, don't you?*
**[03:02] Choro**
*Come on, now. This is just a waste of time.*
**[03:04] Choro**
*Someone's going to have to go eventually.*
**[03:07] Todo**
* Man, we're NEETs and you guys*
* hate doing even this much work?*
**[03:11] Todo**
*You really are failures as humans.*
**[03:13] Oso**
*You scumbags, hurry up and go.*
**[03:14] Ichi**
*Are you all children? Hurry and go.*
**[03:16] Choro**
*Go.*
**[03:17] Todo**
*Come on, go!*
**[03:19] Four**
*Hurry up!*
**[03:21] Kara**
*Wait, why me?! That's messed up!*
**[03:24] Kara**
*Stop looking at me!*
**[03:25] Kara**
* I mean, I filled it up yesterday*
* and the day before that.*
**[03:28] Kara**
*I'm not doing it today.*
**[03:31] Kara**
*I had been doing it because I care for all of you.*
**[03:34] Kara**
* But then I realized that*
* too much love ruins a person.*
**[03:37] Kara**
*It's important to also let them go at times.*
**[03:39] Kara**
*Brothers, for the sake of love,*
**[03:42] Kara**
* tonight I'm expressing all of my love*
* by not refilling the kerosene.*
**[03:45] Kara**
Ow! Hot!
**[03:47] Todo**
Oh, sorry.
**[03:49] Kara**
* Brother! Even if you do something*
* like that, I'm not moving a step.*
**[03:54] Oso**
* What the hell? He's being*
* more stubborn than usual..*
**[03:57] Ichi**
*This screws up my calculations.*
**[04:02] Oso**
* J-Jyushimatsu's actually*
* asleep at a time like this.*
**[04:06] Oso**
*He's automatically out of the running. No fair!*
**[04:09] Choro**
*Wait, just how cold is he?*
**[04:10] Choro**
* I didn't even think he understood*
* "cold" since he's so stupid.*
**[04:14] Todo**
*H-Hey, guys... Ichimatsu-niisan is...*
**[04:18] Todo**
*...pretending to be asleep!*
**[04:21] Choro**
*That dirty bastard! He's copying Jyushimatsu!*
**[04:24] Choro**
*He's trying to put himself out of the running.*
**[04:26] Todo**
*You fiend! You vile villain!*
**[04:29] Oso**
*It's not gonna be that easy, Ichimatsu.*
**[04:33] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you? Huh?*
**[04:35] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you?*
**[04:36] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you? Hey!*
**[04:39] Chohro**
*Ew! It came out his mouth!*
**[04:41] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu?*
**[04:43] Oso**
*Hey, Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu, hey!*
**[04:47] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu!*
**[04:49] Choro**
*Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...*
**[04:52] Oso**
*Ichimatsu?! Ichimatsu-chan?!*
**[04:55] Choro**
*Wait, he's gonna die, die, die! He's gonna die!*
**[04:57] Choro**
* At this rate, it'd be easier to just*
* go fill the kerosene, Ichimatsu!*
**[05:06] Choro**
*Are you kidding me?! His tenacity is amazing!*
**[05:09] Oso**
*Not bad, little brother.*
**[05:11] Oso**
*Huh? What?*
**[05:12] Oso**
*C-Crap! I suddenly need to pee, now of all times!*
**[05:17] Todo**
*It's finally happening.*
**[05:20] Oso**
*That asshole! The tea!*
**[05:22] Oso**
*I get it now. I thought you were being oddly nice,*
**[05:25] Oso**
*but it was a trap set over a long span of time!*
**[05:29] Choro**
* Well done, Totty. Now he's gotta*
* stand up to go to the bathroom.*
**[05:32] Choro**
* That'll automatically put the responsibility*
* to fill up the kerosene into effect.*
**[05:36] Choro**
*However...*
**[05:42] Todo**
*Ow, ow, ow! Hey, hey, hey!*
**[05:44] Choro**
*Yes...*
**[05:45] Choro**
*It's faster to kill you than wait for him to pee.*
**[05:50] Todo**
*Ow! Hey! Ow, ow, ow, ow!*
**[05:53] Todo**
* Wait, so this is the result?!*
* These assholes resort to violence again?!*
**[05:56] Todo**
* What was the point of the battle*
* of wits up to now, you scum?!*
**[06:06] Todo**
*No way in hell!*
**[06:08] Todo**
* Even if my legs become mincemeat,*
* I'm not going to refill the kerosene!*
**[06:13] Todo**
*Just you watch!*
**[06:18] Oso**
*Silly youngest brother.*
**[06:20] Ichi**
*Making us go through all that...*
**[06:21] Choro**
*You should've gone in the first place.*
**[06:23] Kara**
*Sorry, Totty.*
**[06:26] Todo**
Guys, I'm gonna air things out a bit.
**[06:29] All**
*Huh?*
**[06:32] All**
*What?!*
**[06:35] Todo**
*You can all die! This is a war of attrition!*
**[06:38] Oso**
*Just how eccentric is he?! Is he stupid?!*
**[06:40] Ichi**
*I've been telling you all this time!*
**[06:41] Ichi**
*The most dangerous one of us is Todomatsu!*
**[06:44] Kara**
*Totty!*
**[06:45] Choro**
*Wait, what is happening right now?!*
**[06:47] Choro**
* We want to put kerosene in*
* to warm up the room, right?!*
**[06:49] Choro**
*Why the hell are we in a blizzard right now?!*
**[06:51] Todo**
*It's cold! I'm gonna die!*
**[07:01] Oso**
*Huh? Wait, what was that?*
**[07:03] Oso**
*Did Jyushimatsu close it?*
**[07:05] Choro**
*Seriously? Has he...*
**[07:07] Ichi**
*...been...*
**[07:09] Five**
*...awake this whole time?*
**[07:11] Oso**
* No, no, no, he would never*
* do something so evil...*
**[07:14] Ichi**
*He's not smart enough to do that.*
**[07:16] Kara**
*If he was awake all this time,*
**[07:17] Kara**
*it would mean he's been putting on an act*
**[07:19] Kara**
*so he wouldn't have to refill the kerosene.*
**[07:21] Todo**
*It's not possible. Not Jyushimatsu-niisan.*
**[07:24] Choro**
* Well, just go and check, Ichimatsu.*
* Go see if he's asleep.*
**[07:27] Ichi**
*Righto.*
**[07:33] Choro**
*Well? He's asleep, right?*
**[07:36] Ichi**
*No, he's totally awake.*
**[07:38] Four**
*What?!*
**[07:40] Four**
*Scary!*
**[07:42] Choro**
*What?! I can't believe in anything anymore!*
**[07:44] Todo**
* So he's going to stay in that position*
* until someone refills the kerosene?*
**[07:48] Todo**
*That back is a waiting back?*
**[07:50] Oso**
* What the hell is a "waiting back"?!*
* Is this a horror movie?!*
**[07:54] Jyu**
Hey, guys.
**[07:55] Five**
*He spoke!*
**[07:58] Jyu**
The heater's out of kerosene.
**[08:03] Five**
*He actually said it!*
**[08:05] Oso**
*He just went and said it!*
**[08:06] Todo**
*After all of our trouble to not actually say it!*
**[08:10] Choro**
* And he went to sleep! He just escaped*
* after leaving that troublesome remark!*
**[08:14] Kara**
* Just how much of a selfish*
* boy are you, Jyushimatsu?!*
**[08:17] Ichi**
*Die, you dumbass!*
**[08:19] Jyu**
Ugh.
**[08:21] Jyu**
I said the kerosene's out.
You guys are cold, aren't you?
**[08:27] Oso**
*Huh? Is he actually going to fill it himself?*
**[08:30] Ichi**
*No, wait...*
**[08:32] Ichi**
*Hey, bring the kerosene tank, Jyushimatsu!*
**[08:34] Ichi**
*Jyushima—*
**[08:37] Five**
*Huh?*
**[08:38] Five**
*What?!*
**[08:40] Jyu**
Ah, so warm.
**[08:43] Ichi**
*Wait, why?!*
**[08:44] Ichi**
*Why did you just get yourself hot soup?!*
**[08:46] Oso**
* You should have refilled the*
* kerosene while you were out!*
**[08:51] Jyu**
So good!
**[08:53] Todo**
*And he went back to sleep! He escaped again?!*
**[08:55] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu!*
**[08:58] Jyu**
Oh, yeah.
**[09:01] Jyu**
I *said*, the kerosene's out, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[09:08] Choro**
*Wh-Why?! Why did you appoint me?!*
**[09:12] Choro**
* Now I have no choice but to refill it!*
* What do you have against me?*
**[09:16] Choro**
*What did I ever do to you, Jyushimatsu?!*
**[09:21] Jyu**
Ugh, it's so friggin' cold.
**[09:22] Osotodo**
Yay! Yay!
**[09:23] Choro**
*Jyushimatsu!*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Dayon Tribe"
**[09:30] Choro**
Damn it all, Jyushimatsu!
Why did you appoint me?
**[09:35] Choo**
And we didn't even have
any kerosene at the house.
**[09:37] Choro**
Jeez, where is the gas station anywa—
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[09:45] Oso**
You can't be serious, Choromatsu!
**[09:48] Oso**
How long does it take to buy some kerosene?
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[09:53] Oso**
Oh?
**[09:55] Kara**
Cold! Oh, cold!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[10:02] Jyu**
Where's the kerosene?
**[10:05] Jyu**
Hey, where's the kerosene? Kerosene!
**[10:06] Ichi**
C-Calm down. Shittymatsu's out getting it...
**[10:14] Choro**
This warms me up.
**[10:17] Kara**
My body feels so warm.
**[10:18] Oso**
The alcohol you drink while leaving your
little brothers freezing at home is the best!
**[10:36] Jyu**
It's cold!
**[10:39] Ichi**
D-Don't kill me!
**[10:48] Choro**
Oh, we fell asleep.
**[10:51] Choro**
Hey, you two. We should get home.
**[10:56] Choro**
Huh? Huh?!
**[11:00] Choro**
What is this?! What?!
**[11:01] Choro**
What the heck? Where are we?
**[11:03] Choro**
Hey! Hey, I said!
**[11:06] Oso**
It's just a dream.
**[11:07] Kra**
Just a dream.
**[11:08] Choo**
No, no, no. This isn't the time to mess around!
**[11:10] Choro**
This really isn't good! Where the hell are we?
**[11:13] Choro**
Ow, ow, ow!
**[11:15] Choro**
That hurts!
**[11:17] Choro**
What are you doing?!
**[11:18] Oso**
It hurts? Guess it's not a dream, then.
**[11:21] Choro**
Do that to your own cheek, please!
**[11:23] Kara**
Since it's not a dream...
**[11:25] Kara**
What did you do, Choromatsu?
**[11:27] Choro**
Hey, there's no way I could've...
**[11:30] Oso**
You still can't hold your liquor, I see.
**[11:35] Kara**
Hey, isn't that...
**[11:36] Oso**
Oh, excuse me.
**[11:38] Choro**
Hey, wait—
**[11:40] Oso**
It should be this way.
**[11:41] Kara**
Help!
**[11:49] Oso**
Wh-What the hell is this?
**[11:51] Oso**
Huh?! What?!
**[11:53] Kara**
Th-They're all Dayon!
**[11:56] Kara**
Just how many are there?
**[12:13] Oso**
Wh-What should we do?
**[12:15] Kara**
Why are you asking me?
**[12:16] Kara**
Are you all right, Choromatsu—
**[12:58] Kara**
This always happens!
**[13:00] Oso**
What the hell?! Why do we
have to go through this?
**[13:03] Kara**
Let's just get to the exit!
**[13:08] Kara**
Are you okay, Choromatsu?
**[13:09] Kara**
I'll save you, Choromatsu!
**[13:11] Choro**
Then stop, Shittymatsu!
**[13:29] Todo**
Those assholes! How long does
it take to buy kerosene?!
**[13:33] Ichi**
I'll kill 'em.
**[13:34] Jyu**
Kill 'em!
**[13:39] Todo**
Dayon?
**[13:41] Todo**
Hey, have you seen the shitbags from our house?
**[13:45] Todo**
Hey, hello? Dayon, come on...
**[14:03] Three**
What?!
**[14:04] Three**
Yay!
**[14:07] Three**
Yahoo!
**[14:10] Jyu**
Boehh!
**[14:12] Todo**
Ow, ow, ow...
**[14:14] Todo**
Huh?! Wh-Where are we?!
**[14:17] Ichi**
We got sucked in.
**[14:19] Todo**
So we're inside Dayon?!
**[14:20] Todo**
Huh?! Gross!
**[14:23] Jyu**
It's warm in here! Yay!
**[14:26] Jyu**
I two-seam to be alive again!
**[14:27] Jyu**
Thank you, homerun king!
**[14:29] Jyu**
Sorry to make you worry, and then...
**[14:31] Jyu**
Boehh! And then...
**[14:34] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[14:39] Todo**
Anyway, let's look for a way out.
**[14:42] Jyu**
Wow, there's a lot of stuff in here.
**[14:46] Jyu**
Even a bat.
**[14:47] Todo**
Hey, I don't think you should touch that.
**[14:48] Todo**
You too, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[14:50] Todo**
You don't need to try to collect
all of the cats in the world!
**[14:54] Jyu**
Hey, isn't this...
**[14:56] Todo**
It's Choromatsu-niisan's!
**[14:57] Ichi**
That's it! The same thing
must have happened to them.
**[15:00] Ichi**
So they're probably still in here somewhere.
**[15:08] Todo**
Hold it!
**[15:11] Todo**
Why don't the three of us go outside first?
**[15:13] Todo**
I mean, just for a second.
Of course, we'll come and save them.
**[15:17] Todo**
But why don't we go outside for a sec and
figure out how we're gonna save them first?
**[15:25] Ichi**
Todomatsu.
**[15:26] Jyu**
Todomatsu.
**[15:29] Ichi**
Yeah, let's do that.
**[15:30] Jyu**
Huh?!
**[15:33] Dayon**
I'm drunk!
**[15:36] Dayo**
I can't walk straight!
**[15:45] Three**
Yahoo!
**[16:14] Todo**
What?! What the hell is this?
**[16:25] Todo**
Chorofappyski!
**[16:34] Todo**
What? What? What?!
**[16:36] Todo**
What are you doing?! Why are you fitting in?
**[16:39] Todo**
A wedding? What's going on?!
**[16:40] Oso**
Todomatsu, calm down, dayon.
**[16:42] Todo**
You guys, too?!
**[16:43] Oso**
Everyone in this land is good, dayon.
**[16:46] Kara**
Don't be so wary, yon.
**[16:47] Todo**
Don't add "yon" to everything! It's infuriating!
**[16:51] Choro**
She... saved me.
**[16:56] Choro**
That moment, when I was about to die
from fear and drunkenness, she...
***SIGN*** Stomach Medicine
**[17:07] Oso**
Right. They have everything here, yon.
**[17:11] Oso**
Food that Dayon sucked in,
**[17:13] Oso**
as well as appliances, plants, porn DVDs,
and automatic mahjong tables,
**[17:18] Oso**
not to mention everything is free,
so we want for nothing, yon.
**[17:21] Oso**
And above all, we can stay NEETs
and no one gets mad, yon.
**[17:25] Oso**
At first, we didn't understand why, yon.
**[17:28] Oso**
But then we realized, dayon.
It's because everyone's the same, dayon.
**[17:32] Oso**
Yes, our faces, language, status...
**[17:34] Oso**
The endless calm and ease
that are born from that...
**[17:37] Oso**
That's what the Dayon Tribe is all about, yon.
**[17:41] Oso**
So we decided to live here forever, dayon.
**[17:44] Todo**
Are you stupid?! Why are you so stupid?!
**[17:47] Jyu**
Huh? This feels... Huh?
**[17:52] Ichi**
You're right...
**[17:53] Ichi**
Huh? Huh?
**[17:55] Choro**
Come on, we're going home.
**[17:57] Choro**
Dayon, dayon...
**[17:58] Todo**
No! There's no way you can live here!
**[18:01] Todo**
Mom and Dad will be worried.
**[18:04] Choro**
But everyone's so nice, dayon.
**[18:06] Todo**
Yeah, I get that they're nice. But it's not possible.
**[18:10] Choro**
Why, dayon?
**[18:11] Todo**
Why?! Do I really need to give a reason?!
**[18:13] Todo**
Don't you have a general idea?!
**[18:15] Todo**
Of course you can't live here!
**[18:16] Todo**
You two!
**[18:17] Todo**
Stop with the sexual harassment
and help me! Come on!
**[18:21] Jyu**
It stretches.
**[18:23] Ichi**
It stretches.
**[18:24] Kara**
Wait, that doesn't stretch! It doesn't stretch!
**[18:28] Todo**
Come on, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[18:29] Cho**
Nope, dayon.
**[18:30] Todo**
Come on.
**[18:31] Choro**
Nope, dayon.
**[18:32] Todo**
We're going home!
**[18:34] Choro**
Nope, nope, nope, dayon!
**[18:36] Todo**
Ugh!
**[18:39] Todo**
Oh, s-sorry.
**[18:41] Choro**
That's enough. That's...
**[18:44] Choro**
That's enough!
**[18:45] Choro**
Stop!
**[18:49] Choro**
That's enough, you guys.
Why did you even come here?
**[18:53] Choro**
Go home.
**[18:55] Choro**
We already decided we'll live here.
**[18:58] Todo**
Huh?! Seriously, what are you sayi—
**[19:00] Choro**
I know!
**[19:01] Choro**
I really want to go back to
the outside world and get a job,
**[19:05] Choro**
and be a proper person!
**[19:08] Choro**
But... But it's just not possible.
**[19:11] Choro**
I can't keep up anything, I keep
trying to look like I'm job hunting,
**[19:14] Choro**
but all I'm actually doing is
Chorofappysking in my room every day!
**[19:18] Choro**
The only choice a scumbag like me has
is to stay here and become a Dayon!
**[19:28] Todo**
Yeah, becoming a Dayon is not your only choice.
**[19:30] Todo**
Not to mention, that was a bit
rude toward the Dayons, too.
**[19:33] Choro**
Now, let's continue the ceremony.
**[19:35] Todo**
Wait, seriously...
**[19:38] Choro**
Huh?
**[19:40] Choro**
Wh-Why?
**[19:45] Choro**
What? Go home?
**[19:51] Choro**
Wh-Why?!
**[19:54] Oso**
We don't wanna, dayon!
**[19:55] Kara**
We won't go home, yon!
**[20:04] Choro**
What brought this on?
**[20:09] Three**
Huh?
**[20:20] Oso**
Dayon!
**[20:22] Kara**
We wanna stay here, yon!
**[20:23] Choro**
We don't wanna go home, yon!
**[21:07] Todo**
Huh? What is this?
**[21:36] Oso**
Okay, all set.
**[21:39] Oso**
We're going home. Ready?
**[21:41] Five**
Yeah!
**[21:42] Oso**
Let's go!
***SIGN*** Anus This Way
***SIGN*** End
**[21:56] Some**
I'm gonna die!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:29] Kara**
No, no, no! We're almost up to the last episode,
**[23:32] Kara**
and we still haven't announced air dates for
"Karamatsu of Love" or "Kimagure Karamatsu Road!"
**[23:40] Kara**
Er, huh? Huh?
**[23:41] Kara**
The preview's already started? You're kidding.
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Huge Panic" "Letter"
**[23:45] Kara**
Ahem. Sorry about that, Karamatsu Girls.
**[23:47] Kara**
I let myself go a little bit. Just a little bit.
# E24 - Totoko's Huge Panic / Letter
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G63VME2XY/totokos-huge-panic--letter)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Fat**
Huh?
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Huge Panic"
**[01:34] Toto**
I'm Totoko!
**[01:36] Toto**
As you can see, I'm super cute!
I'm totally different from commoners!
**[01:40] Toto**
I mean...
**[01:42] Guy**
Hey, Totoko-chan! You're as cute as ever today.
**[01:45] Lady**
That's an idol for you.
Just look at that perfect face.
**[01:48] Toto**
See? Everyone says so.
**[01:50] Toto**
I just love getting attention!
**[01:54] Guy**
Sorry, Amateur-san. Actual stars are
going to be shooting a drama here,
**[01:58] Guy**
so no amateurs can go past this point.
**[02:03] Guy**
What, real celebrities?!
**[02:05] Lady**
They're on a completely different level!
**[02:21] Toto**
Huh?
**[02:22] Toto**
What was I doing?
**[02:25] Toto**
Hmph! Like I care!
**[02:28] Toto**
I'm just going to get myself more fans.
**[02:31] Nya**
Oh. Yowai Totoko.
**[02:33] Toto**
Oh. Hashimoto Nyaa.
**[02:35] Nya**
Good work.
**[02:36] Toto**
Good work!
**[02:38] Toto**
Getting your stuff together?
Are you retiring or something?
**[02:41] Nya**
Yup. I didn't tell you yet,
but I'm getting married.
**[02:45] Toto**
Married?
**[02:47] Guy**
Hey.
**[02:48] Guy**
I'm the dude she's marrying who's made
quite a bit of money in the IT field.
**[02:53] Guy**
Come on, Nyaa-chan.
It's almost time for our flight.
**[02:56] ---**
Nyan!
**[02:57] Nya**
Later, Yowai Totoko. Good luck with
the whole underground idol thing.
**[03:09] Toto**
Huh? What was I doing?
**[03:12] Toto**
Hmph! Like I care!
**[03:15] Toto**
There are still a lot of people I'm better than.
**[03:18] Busu**
Totoko!
**[03:20] Toto**
Busumi?
**[03:21] Toto**
What's up, Busumi? I don't think
I've seen you since we graduated.
**[03:24] Busu**
I had a baby.
**[03:26] Busu**
Here, hold it a sec.
**[03:27] Busu**
Oh, and there are other people
who have gotten married
**[03:30] Busu**
and had kids that are starting school now.
**[03:32] Busu**
Some own houses, and some go on vacations
with their families during break...
**[03:50] Toto**
Something's wrong with me lately.
I wake up and realize I've been beating up tuna.
**[03:55] Dad**
Totoko, that's called jealousy.
**[03:58] Toto**
Jealousy?
**[03:59] Dad**
Envy and spite.
**[04:01] Toto**
What's that?
**[04:02] Dad**
Y-You don't know?
**[04:04] Toto**
It's the first I've heard of it.
**[04:05] Dad**
What?
**[04:06] Mom**
Totoko, do you know what a "complex" is?
**[04:09] Toto**
The band that sang "Be My Baby"?
**[04:10] Mom**
No, Totoko.
**[04:12] Dad**
How do I put this... You were
envious of another person.
**[04:17] Dad**
So you got really stressed.
Do you understand?
**[04:22] Toto**
I don't really get it.
**[04:24] Toto**
Envious? Do I really feel that way?
**[04:29] Toto**
I mean, I'm still cute...
**[04:32] Toto**
I have plenty of followers who
compliment me all the time.
**[04:35] Toto**
For example...
**[04:36] Toto**
Him, and him, him, him, him, and him.
**[04:41] Toto**
Not to mention him, him, him, him, and him...
**[04:44] Toto**
Huh?
**[04:45] Toto**
Huh?! Could it be that I only have scum around me?
**[04:49] Tot**
And I'm one of those crazies
who's happy about that?
**[04:51] Toto**
No way! Huh?
**[04:54] Toto**
Huh?! What?!
**[04:57] Toto**
What, what?
**[05:02] Toto**
Crap!
**[05:03] Toto**
This ain't right, Totoko! This really ain't good!
**[05:06] Toto**
Why?!
**[05:07] Toto**
How did you become such a bottom
feeder? Anyway, this isn't good.
**[05:11] Toto**
You're gonna end up a failure at this rate!
***SIGN*** Matchmaking Agency
**[05:14] Toto**
And that's why I came here. I want to
find someone great and bounce back.
**[05:19] Toto**
Please!
**[05:20] Lady**
Uh, I'm not sure what to do
when you say that so frankly...
**[05:24] Lady**
A-All right. Let's start by hearing
what you want in a partner.
**[05:28] Toto**
Let's see...
**[05:30] Toto**
Someone who's kind, good-looking,
funny, tall, a sportsman, smart,
**[05:35] Toto**
who doesn't cheat, who's serious,
fashionable, hygienic,
**[05:38] Toto**
has the same values as me,
and who's good at cooking,
**[05:41] Toto**
good at driving, has great handwriting,
**[05:43] Toto**
and has dated fewer than
four people, but isn't a virgin,
**[05:46] Toto**
who makes more than 50 million yen
a year, has a villa, and... Oh, yeah!
**[05:49] Toto**
I'd like him to be an oil magnate!
***SIGN*** We're Closed
for the Day
**[05:53] Toto**
Huh?
**[05:54] Toto**
What the hell?! Ugh!
**[05:57] Oso**
W-W-We've got trouble!
**[06:00] Oso**
Hey, you guys! Totoko-chan's...
**[06:03] Oso**
Totoko-chan's looking for a husband!
**[06:05] Five**
Looking for a husband?!
**[06:06] Oso**
Apparently he has to be an oil magnate!
**[06:09] Five**
An oil magnate?!
**[06:11] Sive**
Hurry!
**[06:13] Oso**
Hey, don't try to get a headstart!
**[06:18] Toto**
What? Am I not supposed
to want an oil magnate?
**[06:22] Toto**
Is that a crime? Which crime?
**[06:24] Toto**
Being annoying? Yeah, sorry.
**[06:26] Toto**
But I want to be better
than everyone around me.
**[06:29] Toto**
I want everyone to tell me I have a great life.
**[06:31] Toto**
Doesn't everyone feel that kind of pressure?
**[06:34] Toto**
Though, to be honest,
I sort of live to be complimented.
**[06:38] Toto**
Oh, I have to get ready for tomorrow.
**[06:41] Toto**
Bye.
**[06:42] Chibi**
Uh...
**[06:43] Six**
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
***SIGN*** Winner Takes All
Battle Royale
The Matchmaking Party
**[06:52] Toto**
*All right, this is it.*
**[06:54] Toto**
*I wonder where the oil magnate is.*
**[06:59] Norm**
Ah, nice to meet you.
**[07:01] Toto**
Nice to meet you!
**[07:02] Norm**
I-Is it okay if I introduce myse—
**[07:04] Toto**
Are you an oil magnate?
**[07:05] Norm**
Huh?
**[07:05] Toto**
Do you own an oil field?
**[07:07] Norm**
An oil field? No, I don't...
**[07:13] Bald**
Um, I may not look it, but I'm 28.
Y-You're not into bald guys, right?
**[07:19] Toto**
I'm totally fine with that!
**[07:20] Bald**
Really?!
**[07:21] Toto**
As long as you're an oil magnate.
**[07:22] Bald**
Huh? What are you...
**[07:27] Fat**
Oink, oink, I'm fat. Is that okay?
**[07:30] Toto**
Is your face so shiny because
you rubbed oil on it?!
**[07:33] Fat**
Of course not...
**[07:38] Toto**
Man...
**[07:40] Toto**
I guess they're not so easy to find. How boring.
**[07:44] Lady**
Hey, you.
**[07:46] Lady**
Have you found the oil
magnate you're looking for?
**[07:48] Toto**
No, not yet.
**[07:50] Lady**
What? Not yet?
**[07:51] Lady**
Are you stupid?
**[07:52] Lady**
You're never going to find one.
**[07:54] Two**
There's always at least
one of her type around.
**[07:56] Two**
Just because she's a bit cute, she has no substance
and just keeps aging. That's gotta hurt.
**[08:00] Ladies**
Gotta hurt!
**[08:01] Lady**
You've only got your twenties.
**[08:03] Toto**
Why are commoners so ugly?
**[08:08] Toto**
But...
**[08:09] Toto**
Are there really no oil magnates?
**[08:12] Toto**
I really want an oil magnate.
**[08:13] Six**
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup...
**[08:20] Toto**
Well, whatever.
**[08:22] Toto**
I guess I'll go home for today.
**[08:24] Oil**
Pardon me.
**[08:26] Oil**
Is this where the matchmaking
party is taking place?
**[08:30] Toto**
Yes...
**[08:31] Oil**
Thank goodness. I was late
because of some oil trades.
**[08:35] Toto**
Huh? Um, would you happen to be a...
**[08:39] Oil**
Your long wait is over. I'm an oil magnate.
**[08:44] Toto**
*S-See?! There totally was an oil magnate!*
**[08:49] Toto**
*Right? I was actually right to not give up!*
**[08:51] Toto**
*They exist!*
**[08:52] Toto**
*And they even look for wives sometimes!*
**[08:55] Toto**
*Thank goodness I didn't give up!*
**[09:00] Toto**
*I was right to ignore the commoners!*
**[09:04] Toto**
*All right! I'm so happy!*
**[09:08] Toto**
*Take that!*
**[09:17] Oil**
Totoko...
**[09:18] Toto**
O-Oil Magnate...
**[09:21] Oil**
May I?
**[09:23] Toto**
Yes.
**[09:30] Toto**
Oil Magnate? What's wrong?
**[09:31] Oil**
Y-You reek of fish!
**[09:33] Toto**
What?
**[09:35] Oil**
I can't! You reek of fish so bad, I seriously can't!
**[09:40] Toto**
What? What the hell?
**[09:42] Toto**
If we're talking about smells, *you* reek of oil!
**[09:47] Oil**
Boeh!
**[09:48] Toto**
Don't underestimate fish!
**[09:52] Toto**
*And so, the "Find an Oil Magnate*
**[09:55] Toto**
* and Become Better than Everybody Else"*
* plan failed before I knew it.*
**[10:00] Toto**
* And the "has no substance and just keeps aging,*
* that's gotta hurt" comment someone made*
**[10:06] Toto**
*oddly lingered in my heart.*
**[10:09] Toto**
*I've made up my mind.*
**[10:10] Toto**
* I'm going to stop living this facade,*
* and live my life as my true self... So...*
**[10:17] Toto**
Dad! Mom!
**[10:19] Toto**
I'm going to school in Singapore to
learn the language and find myself!
**[10:23] Dad**
Huh? Going abroad to learn the language?
**[10:25] Mom**
So suddenly?
**[10:26] Toto**
I'm going to reset my old self! I'm going to grow!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
***SIGN*** End
**[10:44] Choro**
*"To everyone.*
**[10:46] Choro**
* This is the first time I've ever written*
* a letter, so I'm a bit nervous.*
**[10:53] Choro**
*'What's this out of the blue?' 'Gross.'*
**[10:55] Choro**
* 'Is your self-awareness rising again?'*
* I'm sure you all might think that,*
**[10:59] Choro**
* but this is my first time*
* living apart from all of you.*
**[11:03] Choro**
*I'm sort of embarrassed to say it face-to-face,*
**[11:06] Choro**
*so I thought I'd write a letter.*
**[11:10] Choro**
*When I finally found a job..."*
**[11:11] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, we're ready.
**[11:14] Choro**
Oh, right.
***SIGN*** "Letter"
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[11:27] Jyu**
Choromatsu-niisan, congrats on your
new job, you king of base-stealing!
**[11:30] All**
Congrats, you king of base-stealing!
**[11:32] All**
Yay!
**[11:33] Todo**
But seriously, congrats,
you king of base-stealing.
**[11:35] Jyu**
You ran so hard!
**[11:37] Choro**
Wait, it's seriously sounding like I stole a base.
**[11:39] Choro**
We're celebrating my new job, right?
**[11:41] Kara**
Congratulations, brother.
**[11:43] Cho**
Close, too close! Gross!
**[11:45] Kara**
This is a present from me.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[11:47] Cho**
Ugh, here we go. What is this?
**[11:51] Todo**
Whoa, it's not painful at all!
Though it's painful in a different way.
**[11:55] Kara**
You wanted this, didn't you, brother?
**[11:59] Choro**
Uh, yeah. Thanks.
**[12:01] Choro**
I did want it.
**[12:03] Todo**
It's a miracle! I was sure it'd be a
crappy tanktop with his face on it.
**[12:07] Choro**
Actually, Totty, there's something similar...
**[12:10] Oso**
Pass me the soy sauce, Todomatsu.
**[12:12] Todo**
But it should be nice and easy, since
it's a company Dad's friend works at.
**[12:16] Choro**
Yeah.
**[12:16] Oso**
Pass me the soy sauce.
**[12:18] Dad**
But don't get a big head. This is your first job.
**[12:21] Dad**
Make sure you're prepared.
**[12:23] Todo**
You've got a bigger head than anyone, Dad.
**[12:25] Oso**
Todomatsu?
**[12:27] Mom**
You'll be living in a dorm starting tomorrow.
**[12:29] Mom**
I won't be able to call you a NEET anymore.
**[12:31] Choro**
Uh, maybe you should call me by my name.
**[12:34] Todo**
Or Fappymatsu.
**[12:35] Choro**
Hey!
**[12:36] Oso**
Todomatsu.
**[12:40] Oso**
Todomatsu!
**[12:44] Oso**
I've been calling you! The soy sauce.
**[12:47] Todo**
Oh, sorry.
**[12:53] Jyu**
Oh! I have a present for you, too.
**[12:56] Jyu**
Here, an autographed bat!
***SIGN*** To Choromatsu-niisan
Jyushimatsu
**[12:58] Choro**
It's your own autograph?
**[13:00] Todo**
And this is from me.
**[13:01] Choro**
Am I a girl going on a trip?!
**[13:02] Dad**
And this is from me.
**[13:04] Choro**
Dad?!
**[13:04] Mom**
And this is from me.
**[13:06] Choro**
Mom?!
**[13:07] Kara**
Here's one more from me.
**[13:09] Jyu**
Me, too.
**[13:10] Todo**
Same.
**[13:10] Dad**
Your dad's not gonna lose.
**[13:12] Mom**
Neither is your mom.
**[13:13] Choco**
Oh, thanks, Ichima— Huh?!
**[13:17] Choro**
What the hell is this?! It's creepy!
**[13:18] Ichi**
Think of that as me.
**[13:20] Ichi**
And what is that supposed to accomplish?
**[13:23] Bg Some**
This, too.
**[13:23] ---**
No, wait...
**[13:23] Bg Some**
And this.
**[13:24] Bg Some**
Here.
**[13:25] Choro**
Okay, that's enough!
**[13:27] Choro**
I can't take all of this!
And half of it is just junk!
**[13:30] Dad**
Whew, the house is a lot cleaner now.
**[13:32] Mom**
Much better.
**[13:33] Choro**
This isn't about getting rid of your garbage!
**[13:43] Choro**
Thanks.
**[13:46] Choro**
I'll be fine.
**[13:50] Choro**
I'll do my best.
**[13:58] Ichi**
Can I say something?
**[14:00] Ichi**
Can we stop with this atmosphere?
I can't deal with it.
**[14:04] Todo**
True. This isn't like us.
**[14:06] ---**
Not like us at all!
**[14:10] Kara**
This is a happy occasion.
**[14:11] Kara**
Let's all drink, brothers... No, family!
**[14:16] All**
Yay!
**[14:18] Jyu**
Look! Look, look!
**[14:19] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu.
**[14:20] Jyu**
Look! Look, look!
**[14:21] Oso**
Ow. Hey, stop it, Jyushimatsu!
**[14:28] Oso**
I said that hurts!
**[14:36] Oso**
I said that hurts, damn it!
**[14:40] Todo**
Hey! What are you doing?!
**[14:43] Oso**
You made me drop my sushi, Jyushimatsu!
**[14:46] Jyu**
S-Sorry...
**[14:48] Kara**
Stop it.
**[14:52] Todo**
H-Huh?
**[14:54] Oso**
Wh-What are you—
**[14:56] Oso**
Hey, let go of me, Shittymatsu! Hey!
**[14:59] Oso**
I'll kill you! I said let go!
**[15:08] Choro**
But...
**[15:09] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[15:11] Todo**
Are you okay, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[15:18] Jyu**
I'm fine!
**[15:19] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[15:23] ---**
Hustle, hustle!
**[16:20] Iya**
Why?! Why does me have to do
something so troublesome?!
**[16:23] Iya**
Ugh, so annoying!
**[16:29] Iya**
You found a job?
**[16:31] Iya**
It won't last. You'll just give up halfway, as usual.
**[16:36] Iya**
People don't change that easily. Give up hope!
**[16:54] Iya**
You're really throwing me off...
**[16:57] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:07] Todo**
Okay, I'm set.
**[17:08] Jju**
Totty!
**[17:10] Kra**
You'd better keep in touch.
**[17:12] Todo**
Yeah.
**[17:12] Ichi**
Why not reconsider? Old apartments
have bugs, ghosts, and monsters.
**[17:17] Todo**
Quit trying to stop me!
**[17:20] Todo**
First, I'm gonna live on my own.
That's where I'm starting.
**[17:25] Todo**
It's probably better
**[17:28] Todo**
if we're not together.
**[17:47] Chibi**
Huh? Let you live with me?
***SIGN*** Oden Girls
Collection
**[17:49] Chibi**
You know I can't let you do that
out of the blue, you idjit.
**[17:53] Kara**
P-Please, Chibita.
**[17:54] Kara**
At this rate, we sextuplets... No, *I'll* be ruined.
**[17:59] Kara**
I want to change! I want to get out of this!
**[18:02] Kara**
So please...
**[18:12] Kara**
I'm off.
**[18:14] Chibi**
It's all about guts, you idjit!
**[18:25] Jyu**
Hello, this is Matsuno.
**[18:28] Jyu**
Yes, that's me.
**[18:31] Jyu**
What? Really?!
**[18:33] ---**
Okay! I'll do my best!
**[18:35] Jyu**
Yay! I got a part-time job!
**[18:38] Jyu**
Professor Dekapan said he'd rent
me a room so I can live on my own!
**[18:41] Both**
You're our family heirloom!
**[18:54] Guy**
Hey, newbie!
**[18:55] Choro**
Y-Yes?
**[18:57] Chro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[19:02] Choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[19:05] Choro**
*I think they all probably know why.*
***SIGN*** Let's Live A Happy Life!
**[19:10] Choro**
*But I quickly got rid of those feelings.*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Karamatsu
**[19:15] Choro**
*No, that's not true... I wanted to believe in them.*
**[19:21] Choro**
* This is better in order for*
* all of us to move forward.*
**[19:27] Choro**
*I had to believe in them.*
**[19:32] Ichi**
I'm leaving the house, too.
**[19:40] Ichi**
This is... This is how it should be,
**[19:44] Ichi**
I think.
**[19:55] Ichi**
See ya.
**[20:19] Toto**
Hey, Osomatsu-kun!
**[20:21] Toto**
Want to go on a date? I feel like
going all-out and having some fun!
**[20:26] Toto**
I quit being an idol,
**[20:28] Toto**
and the studying abroad thing
didn't last because I got homesick.
**[20:31] Toto**
Everything just feels like such a bother!
**[20:34] Toto**
So I was thinking...
***SIGN*** Slide to unlock
**[21:51] Mom**
Osomatsu.
**[21:53] Mom**
There's a letter for you.
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Oso**
I knew somewhere deep down that
we couldn't live like this forever.
**[23:37] Kara**
For our own sakes...
**[23:38] Choro**
...we need to look forward...
**[23:40] Ichi**
...and face it...
**[23:41] Jyu**
...with everything we have...
**[23:43] Totty**
...to become stronger.
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was"
**[23:44] Oso**
Next time, the final episode:
"Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was."
# E25 - Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR2PE037R/osomatsu-san-such-as-it-was)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Choro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[00:04] Choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[00:06] Todo**
*It's probably better*
**[00:07] Todo**
*if we're not together.*
**[00:09] Kara**
*At this rate, we sextuplets will be ruined.*
**[00:12] Mom**
*Osomatsu.*
**[00:14] Mom**
*There's a letter for you.*
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was"
**[01:55] Choro**
Huh? Huh?!
**[01:57] Choro**
Why?!
**[01:58] Choro**
Why did it catch on fire?!
**[01:59] Choro**
After I went to the trouble of writing it!
**[02:03] Choro**
But just in case something like this
happened, I actually wrote another...
**[02:08] Oso**
Y-You're kidding me...
**[02:13] Oso**
We've...
**[02:15] Oso**
been selected...
**[02:17] Oso**
for the invitational!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:21] Oso**
Hey, guys! You won't believe it!
**[02:23] Oso**
We've been selected for the invitational!
**[02:25] Todo**
The invitational?!
**[02:26] Oso**
Hurry up and come home!
We need to get ready for the match!
**[02:29] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[02:29] Oso**
This is no time to be selfish
**[02:31] Oso**
and talk about things like being
independent and getting a job!
**[02:33] Jyu**
True!
**[02:34] Oso**
I mean, it's the invitational!
**[02:35] Ichi**
Yeah!
**[02:36] Oso**
Now's the time to put
our strengths together!
**[02:38] Choro**
You're right!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:42] Todo**
It's true!
**[02:43] Kara**
To think we...
**[02:45] Jyu**
...were picked for the invitational!
**[02:47] Choro**
Could there possibly be anything better?
**[02:51] Choro**
Oh, it caught fire.
**[02:52] Mom**
Good for you! To think you were
chosen for the invitational...
**[02:56] Dad**
Invitational?
**[02:58] Dad**
What invitational?
**[03:00] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:02] Dad**
Also, Choromatsu, why aren't you at work?
**[03:04] Choro**
I turned in my resignation and quit.
**[03:06] Choro**
What?! You... What?!
**[03:12] Mom**
Honey, this isn't the time to
be saying such silly things.
**[03:16] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:17] Oso**
All right, you guys!
**[03:18] Oso**
This is our chance to graduate from
being shitty NEETs! We have to win!
**[03:22] Five**
Yeah!
**[03:23] Oso**
Victory in the invitational is ours!
**[03:26] All**
Yeah!
**[03:28] Choro**
Invitational! Invitational!
**[03:33] Dad**
Wh-What is this?
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational Match-up Drawings
**[03:35] Host**
We will now draw the match-ups for the
88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
**[03:43] Dad**
Huh? The invitational what?
**[03:45] Mom**
Shh!
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[03:50] Dad**
*The invitational* what*?!*
**[03:54] Jyu**
This is so exciting!
**[03:55] Choro**
It gets your ass hair burning.
**[03:57] Todo**
Hey, if you guys win, what prize
are you going to ask for?
**[03:59] Choro**
Huh? You're already going there, Totty?
**[04:02] Choro**
You're actually asking?
**[04:03] Oso**
I'm going to ask for permanent residence
in pachinko parlors and horse race tracks.
**[04:07] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:09] Choro**
I'm going to ask for a magical
staff that can stop a girl's time.
**[04:12] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:14] Todo**
I'll get Prestige to use me in a film.
**[04:16] Five**
Nice!
**[04:17] Ichi**
I'll get a species change
operation to become a cat.
**[04:19] Five**
Nice!
**[04:20] Kara**
I'm going to have a solo
concert at the Budokan.
**[04:22] Ichi**
Nice!
**[04:26] Ichi**
Damn it!
**[04:28] Oso**
Anyway, the only choice we have is to win.
**[04:30] Oso**
Let's seriously do our best!
**[04:31] All**
Yeah!
**[04:33] Dad**
W-Well, they're trying to do their
best, so I guess it's fine.
**[04:37] Guy**
Next, the 21st century Matsuno family.
**[04:40] Oso**
Y'ere!
**[04:42] Choro**
Calm down.
**[04:54] Guy**
The Matsuno Family has drawn the snake.
**[04:57] Guy**
The snake will be the third match on
the fourth day of the tournament.
***SIGN*** Koushien
***SIGN*** Black Factory Academy Dogface High School
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation Matsuno Family
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile Chinese Kenpo High School Robot Tech High School
**[05:20] Dad**
H-Hey, dear... Why do they have guns?
**[05:22] Mom**
Shh!
**[05:24] Guy**
And now for the athletes' pledge.
**[05:37] Dad**
What?
**[05:45] Hiji**
Hey! Cut it out!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
**[05:48] Hiji**
What are you saying? I can't
understand you, you idiot!
**[05:51] Hiji**
Let's go!
**[05:57] Dad**
Huh?
**[05:58] Dad**
Huh?!
**[06:01] Guy**
We've reached the fourth day of the 88th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[06:08] Guy**
The third match will be Musashi
Ironworks versus the Matsuno Family.
**[06:11] Guy**
They'll begin play momentarily.
**[06:13] Both**
Let's play!
***SIGN*** Pitcher
Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Catcher
Choromatsu
***SIGN*** First Base
Jyushimatsu
**[06:20] Jyu**
Baseball! Baseball!
***SIGN*** Second Base
Ichimatsu
**[06:22] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow.
***SIGN*** Third Base
Karamatsu
**[06:25] Kara**
I guess I'll have to play for real.
**[06:31] Kara**
Right here, Jyushimatsu!
**[06:33] Kara**
Ah! Mistake!
***SIGN*** Shortstop
Todomatsu
**[06:36] Todo**
Whoopsie.
***SIGN*** Left Field
Matsuyo
**[06:39] Mom**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Center Field
Matsuzou
**[06:40] Dad**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Right Field
Nobody
**[06:44] Toto**
We came to cheer you on!
**[06:46] Toto**
You can do it, you pieces of trash!
**[06:48] Nya**
Win, nya!
**[06:51] Chibi**
If you win, I'll clear your tab!
**[06:55] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:59] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:01] Oso**
Everyone! This is the do-or-die moment!
**[07:03] Oso**
Even though we've only ever lost before...
**[07:07] Oso**
If we win this invitational,
I think it'll make up for all that.
**[07:11] Oso**
I think all of our fail up
to now will just vaporize!
**[07:15] Oso**
So let's win this thing!
**[07:24] Oso**
Hey, where's your reaction?!
**[07:26] Guy**
And now, the third match of the day begins!
**[07:30] Ump**
Play!
***SIGN*** Fujita Gas
**[07:39] Oso**
Man, nobody else is into this. I guess
I'll have to pull all of our weight.
**[07:46] Oso**
*I'll show everyone my pitching...*
**[07:49] Oso**
*For my sake, as well as my brothers'...*
**[07:51] Oso**
*I'll bet everything on this throw.*
**[07:54] Choro**
Uh, this is the opening pitch.
**[07:56] Choro**
Why are you all worked up?
Just throw the damn thing.
**[07:59] Oso**
*Thinking back...*
**[08:00] Choro**
Stop thinking back! It's the opening pitch!
**[08:02] Oso**
*Yes, for our victory at this invitational,*
**[08:05] Oso**
*we've been through so much.*
**[08:07] Choro**
None of that happened.
**[08:09] Choro**
That's slightly off. What the hell?
**[08:11] Choro**
That never happened!
**[08:13] Choro**
Neither did that!
***SIGN*** All of the pitches!
**[08:15] Choro**
Didn't happen!
**[08:16] Choro**
Well, that happened, but still!
**[08:18] Oso**
* Yes, now is the time to put all those*
* feelings into this ball, Osomatsu!*
**[08:25] Choro**
Just throw it already.
You're pissing me off.
**[08:28] Oso**
Here goes!
**[08:36] Choro**
Just throw the damn ball, dumbass!
**[08:38] Oso**
Hi-yah!
**[08:39] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:40] Oso**
Che-yah!
**[08:41] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:41] Oso**
And there!
**[08:42] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:43] Oso**
Ow!
**[08:44] Ump**
Ball. Four balls.
**[08:46] Guy**
Oh, my! Four straight balls,
right from the start!
**[08:49] Oso**
Whew, that ump sure is tough.
**[08:55] Toto**
What are you doing, you damn virgin?!
**[09:02] Todo**
Man, we can't count on
him to handle anything.
**[09:05] Ichi**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:07] Kara**
I guess it's my turn now.
**[09:09] Choro**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:10] Kara**
Uh, I said...
**[09:11] Todo**
Hmm...
**[09:12] Todo**
We have no choice. Since he loves baseball,
we'll have Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[09:17] Jyu**
Baseballman!
**[09:19] Todo**
What the hell?!
**[09:21] Jyu**
Boeh! Boeh!
**[09:22] Jyu**
I'll kill you with baseball!
**[09:25] Ichi**
There, there, there...
**[09:26] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
**[09:27] Choro**
He loves baseball, but it's his first match.
**[09:31] Choro**
He's so thrilled, he went all crazy.
**[09:34] Todo**
This is way too crazy!
**[09:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[09:36] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu!
**[09:37] Kara**
Well, no choice now.
**[09:39] Kara**
I'll just have to be the pitcher...
**[09:41] Choro**
I'll do it.
**[09:42] Todo**
Thanks.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[09:44] Guy**
And the Matsuno Family is
changing pitchers already.
**[09:48] Kara**
Brother, let's go over the signals.
**[09:52] Kara**
This means a fastball.
**[09:54] Kara**
This means a curveball.
**[09:57] Kara**
This means a forkball. Understand?
**[09:59] Choro**
Nope.
**[10:01] Ump**
Play!
**[10:04] Choro**
What signal is that?!
You didn't mention that one!
**[10:08] Kara**
Brother, throw it inside!
**[10:09] Choro**
Don't tell me, idiot!
**[10:11] Oso**
Hey, pitcher. Hey.
**[10:14] Oso**
Hurry up and throw it.
**[10:16] Oso**
It's only your first pitch. Are you scared?
**[10:19] Choro**
*Whose team are you on?!*
**[10:21] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, focus! Ignore him!
**[10:24] Choro**
Right.
**[10:25] Toto**
You can do it, Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:27] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[10:28] Todo**
Fappymatsu! Focus!
**[10:30] Nya**
Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:32] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
**[10:33] Todo**
Fappymatsu!
**[10:34] Both**
Fight!
**[10:37] Todo**
Chorofappyski!
**[10:38] Ichi**
Fappy bastard! You fappy bastard!
**[10:45] Choro**
Man, I can't deal with this.
**[10:48] Oso**
I know. They have no teamwork.
**[10:49] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:51] Choro**
You said it.
**[10:52] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
Why are we brothers like this?
**[10:55] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:56] Kara**
Okay, brother.
**[10:58] Kara**
Given what's happened to the
oldest and third-oldest,
**[11:00] Kara**
I, the second-oldest, will be pitcher—
**[11:02] Guy**
And they've changed again.
This game is going nowhere.
**[11:05] Guy**
Give it a rest!
**[11:07] Both**
Yeah! Four balls!
**[11:09] Both**
Bean ball!
**[11:10] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:10] Todo**
I wish they'd just die.
**[11:13] Todo**
Once again, I'm the only decent one here.
**[11:13] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:16] Todo**
There!
**[11:17] Both**
Are you a girl?!
**[11:19] Todo**
Yay! It's coming to you, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:21] Guy**
This could be a double play!
**[11:23] Chibi**
Yes!
**[11:24] Choro**
Blow it!
**[11:25] Oso**
Blow it!
**[11:27] Guy**
Four!
**[11:28] Guy**
Six!
**[11:29] Guy**
Three, and...
**[11:37] Guy**
Home run!
**[11:41] Guy**
First baseman Jyushimatsu has actually
completed a 4-6-3 home run!
**[11:46] Jyu**
I did it!
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[11:49] Guy**
It's the top of the first,
and Musa Iron leads by three runs!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Yay! Yay!
**[11:54] Todo**
Doesn't he know the rules of baseball?
**[11:54] Jyu**
I did it! I did it!
**[11:57] Ichi**
Okay, I'm going home.
**[11:57] Jyu**
Bravo! Bravo!
**[12:00] All**
Shortstop!
**[12:02] All**
Don't take a break, Todomatsu!
**[12:05] All**
Second base!
**[12:07] All**
Don't give up, Karamatsu!
**[12:11] All**
Hey!
**[12:30] Kara**
I see.
**[12:32] Kara**
Okay, someone take over—
**[12:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[12:37] Jyu**
Baseball is so fun!
**[12:51] Dad**
Dear, they're no good after all.
**[12:53] Dad**
Let's have some new kids.
**[12:55] Mom**
Yeah, let's.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[12:58] Ump**
Game, set!
**[13:00] Ump**
The Matsuno Family loses as the game
is called in the top of the first.
**[13:12] Todo**
Damn... So this is an invitational...
**[13:14] Kara**
If not for that sea breeze...
**[13:16] Jyu**
I guess there are some real
monsters at invitationals...
**[13:21] Oso**
*And so, our invitational match ended.*
**[13:26] Oso**
*And then...*
***SIGN*** One Year Later
**[13:31] Oso**
Everyone, let's believe in our own strength.
**[13:34] All**
Yeah!
**[13:35] Oso**
* After lots of such-and-such and*
* so-and-so, we came back much stronger!*
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[13:43] Guy**
Hey! Our number 4!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
Chinese Kenpo High School
**[13:44] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[13:48] Guy**
Whoa!
**[13:49] Guy**
Hey! Our ace!
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation
Matsuno Family
**[13:50] Hata**
That's too big a lead-off, jo!
**[13:53] Ichi**
Hm? What's wrong?
**[13:55] Todo**
Are you all right?
***SIGN*** Robot Tech High School
Matsuno Family
**[13:59] Toto**
The hell you doing, dumbass?!
**[14:04] Ump**
S-Safe.
**[14:05] Both**
You're so cute!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
Matsuno Family
**[14:07] Iyami**
This is my chance to hit
a walk-off home run!
**[14:10] Iyami**
Taste me French-style hit!
**[14:14] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[14:15] Hiji**
Ha! Idiot!
**[14:17] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[14:18] Hiji**
What the hell?!
**[14:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Yokohama High School
**[14:24] Guy**
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
***SIGN*** Sendai Ikue Matsuno Family
**[14:27] Choro**
Hey.
***SIGN*** BL Academy Matsuno Family
**[14:34] Oso**
* And so, with these ingenious*
* plans, we kept winning,*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
**[14:38] Oso**
and finally made it to the final round of
the Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** 89th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[14:43] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
**[14:45] All**
Muscle! Muscle!
**[14:47] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[14:55] Oso**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:56] Choro**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:58] Kara**
We managed to get this
strong because of you.
**[15:02] Jyu**
I wanted you to see us play in the final...
**[15:05] Ichi**
I'm sorry, everyone!
**[15:07] Ichi**
If... If only I hadn't done
that, Coachmatsu would...
**[15:10] Todo**
Don't talk like that now, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:12] Todo**
It was an accident! An accident, okay?
**[15:15] Chibi**
The hell? Crying won't
bring Coachmatsu back.
**[15:19] Iyami**
Our only option is to win.
**[15:21] Toto**
We have to psych ourselves up!
**[15:23] Hata**
We have to win, jo.
**[15:27] Oso**
Okay, that's enough sentimentality.
**[15:30] ---**
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[15:32] All**
Sheeeh!
**[15:36] Ichi**
Man, every single one of
us really is just trash.
**[15:39] Jyu**
But if we're together...
**[15:40] Kara**
We can win.
**[15:42] Todo**
You think so?
**[15:43] Choro**
Who knows?
**[15:45] Oso**
Well, we have no choice but to go for it.
**[15:52] Oso**
*The final round...*
**[15:53] Oso**
*For better or for worse, this is the end.*
**[16:01] Guy**
And now, in the final round of the 89th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament,
**[16:06] Guy**
it's the Matsuno Family versus the
**[16:07] Guy**
Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School.
**[16:08] Guy**
We've reached the critical moment,
the bottom of the ninth.
**[16:22] All**
Chibita!
**[16:27] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[16:29] Chibi**
R-Run for it... you idjits...
**[16:34] All**
Chibita!
**[16:36] Guy**
And he's basically dead.
**[16:37] Guy**
Fourth Galaxy U Affiliated's
power is overwhelming.
**[16:40] Guy**
This is what we know as galactic baseball.
**[16:42] Guy**
There's nothing the Matsuno Family can do!
**[16:45] Toto**
I-Is this the en—
**[16:55] Oso**
D-Damn it! So this is the
wall of the invitationals?
**[17:00] Choro**
Iyami!
**[17:02] Iyami**
There's no defying an enemy we can't beat.
**[17:04] Iyami**
Bye-bye, sextuplets!
**[17:09] All**
Iyami!
**[17:13] All**
Iyami?!
**[17:14] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:23] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:33] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[17:35] Ump**
And that's two outs. They're out of chances.
**[17:39] Choro**
E-Even Iyami...
**[17:41] Ichi**
I guess there's no way we can win after all.
**[17:44] Todo**
No! It's not over yet!
**[17:46] Todo**
We still have a chance! Have faith!
**[17:52] Jyu**
But we've already...
**[17:54] Todo**
Don't give up so easily!
**[17:56] Todo**
It's the invitational! The final round!
**[17:58] Todo**
We expected this much!
**[18:00] Todo**
Here!
**[18:02] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan, I don't
want to say this, but...
**[18:07] Todo**
As the oldest, you have
to sacrifice yourself!
**[18:09] Oso**
What?!
**[18:10] Todo**
You're the oldest!
**[18:11] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:12] Todo**
No, seriously!
**[18:13] Oso**
You—
**[18:13] Todo**
No, seriously, seriously, seriously!
**[18:15] Todo**
I mean it! Times like this
are what the oldest is for!
**[18:18] Kara**
That's true.
**[18:18] Ichi**
He has a point.
**[18:19] Choro**
You are the oldest.
**[18:20] Jyu**
Yeah, for times like this.
**[18:22] Oso**
You guys are seriously the worst!
**[18:24] Oso**
All five of you are the enemy!
**[18:25] Oso**
Die! Just die!
**[18:27] Choro**
Hey, look at that!
**[18:29] All**
Oh! Is that...
**[18:33] All**
Is it finally here?!
**[18:36] Deka**
Sorry for the wait.
**[18:37] Deka**
With this power we've attained through
overflowing jealousy and lust...
**[18:41] Dayon**
We'll kill them all.
**[18:49] All**
R-Run!
**[18:52] Toto**
Hold it!
**[18:55] All**
T-Totoko-chan!
**[18:58] Toto**
Don't you run away,
**[18:59] Toto**
you shitty, stupid, NEET trash v*****
Fappyski brothers with tiny ****s!
**[19:02] All**
B-But...
**[19:04] Toto**
You can still do it!
**[19:05] Toto**
After all... After all,
if you win this match...
**[19:11] Toto**
I'll grant you the right to **** Totoko!
**[19:23] All**
All right!
**[20:07] Toto**
Go, you shitty NEETS!
**[20:22] Oso**
*I... I wanna do you!*
**[20:24] Kara**
*Let me do you!*
**[20:26] Choro**
*I don't wanna be a virgin anymore!*
**[20:29] Ichi**
*I'd be satisfied with just looking!*
**[20:31] Jyu**
*Boobies!*
**[20:32] Todo**
*No! Bellybutton wrinkles!*
**[20:37] Oso**
* If the six of us can combine*
* our strengths as one...*
**[20:40] All**
*As one...*
**[20:47] Oso**
*But!*
**[20:49] Oso**
*One, two, and...*
**[20:53] All**
*What's impossible is impossible!*
**[21:02] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[21:05] Ump**
Game, set!
**[21:08] Guy**
And so the invitational winner is
**[21:10] Guy**
the Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School!
**[21:12] Guy**
They've earned the right to
advance to the final stage!
**[21:22] [SONG] Text**
Fourth Galactic
University Affiliated
High School Song
**[21:23] Song**
*Black holes look so obscene*
**[21:31] Song**
*A moon landing sounds sort of perverted*
**[21:39] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks in low gravity*
**[21:47] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks with no resistance*
**[21:54] Song**
*We are Fourth Galaxy, Fourth Galaxy*
**[21:58] Song**
* Forever in the secondary sex*
* characteristics growth stage*
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Ending Card Illustration:
Asano Naoyuki
**[23:44] Bottom**
See ya sometime!!
# E-SP - Mr. Osomatsu JRA Special 2016
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6VNZ0E5R/mr-osomatsu-jra-special-2016)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** An Anecdote With Horses
**[00:24] Iya**
Horse racing!
**[00:26] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[00:29] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[00:30] Chib**
Jeez... Talk about a nasty picture, you idjits.
**[00:33] Chib**
You guys are loud, or y'know,
dirty. You idjits, damn it!
**[00:36] Iya**
Chibita.
**[00:37] Iya**
We're at the horse races!
Isn't this exciting?
**[00:40] Iya**
It's so filled with dreams.
**[00:42] Chib**
Your teeth... Your teeth are
hitting my face, you idjit.
**[00:45] Iya**
In a few hours, me will be stinkin' rich!
Going to France won't just be a dream anymore!
**[00:50] Dasu**
Our lives are going to change!
**[00:52] Dayo**
So excited!
**[00:54] Chib**
Hmph! Horse races? Give me a break.
**[00:56] Chib**
As if something like that can change your life.
**[00:59] Chib**
I'm not stupid like you guys,
getting excited over horse—
**[01:03] Chib**
What?!
**[01:05] Chib**
Wh-What is this?!
***SIGN*** Nakayama Racecourse
**[01:07] Chib**
What is this light that's so filled with hope?
**[01:10] Chib**
The amount of dreams... The amount of dreams!
**[01:12] Chib**
It's too much to handle, you idjits, damn it!
**[01:15] Chib**
If I keep basking in this light...
**[01:23] Iya**
This is horse racing!
**[01:28] Chib**
I'm coming!
***SIGN*** "Prediction"
**[01:38] Chor**
I'm really not sure...
**[01:40] Dad**
What are you guys doing?
***SIGN*** Horse Racing Fight
**[01:42] Todo**
This one's come back from overseas...
**[01:44] Kara**
Not sure about it running on the outside...
**[01:46] Choro**
Clockwise is a first.
**[01:48] Ichi**
But it's won a G1.
**[01:50] Jyu**
Looks like the turf tomorrow
is gonna be yielding.
**[01:53] Oso**
Who's the contender?
**[01:56] Dad**
Oh, tomorrow's race day, eh?
**[02:00] Dad**
You might as well go for a long shot.
**[02:02] Dad**
And if you win, take your dad to the hostess bar—
**[02:06] ---**
Let me see the back.
**[02:08] Oso**
Hey, wait a second!
**[02:13] Oso**
Ugh, damn it! So which horse is it?!
**[02:16] Oso**
I have no idea!
**[02:16] Chor**
Seriously! There's no way of telling,
even if you try to make predictions!
**[02:20] Todo**
Honestly, what's with horse racing,
anyway?! Horse racing pisses me off!
**[02:23] Jyu**
I don't like it!
**[02:47] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[02:58] Dad**
Wh-What is all this?!
***SIGN*** Horse Racing
**[03:06] Dad**
Ah! 4-7, eh?
**[03:08] Mom**
4-7, huh...
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** First Time at the Races
**[03:18] Toto**
Yay! Yay!
**[03:19] Toto**
It's my first time at the
races! I'm so excited!
**[03:23] Oso**
Who would have thought you'd
come with us, Totoko-chan?
**[03:26] Oso**
We're super excited, too.
**[03:29] Chor**
Totoko-chan, if there's anything
that you don't understand, ask me.
**[03:32] Chor**
I'll teach you everything about it.
**[03:35] Ich**
Huh? Uh, wait.
**[03:37] Ic**
What's she supposed to learn
from a fappy gap like you?
**[03:40] Cho**
Who are you calling a fappy gap?
**[03:41] Todo**
Are you trying to act like an
honor student again, Fappy Brian?
**[03:44] Chor**
Who the hell is Fappy Brian?!
**[03:46] Jyu**
What do you think? Should we kill him?
**[03:48] Kara**
Yeah, let's kill him.
**[03:49] Choro**
What the hell is you guys' problem?!
**[03:53] Oso**
Huh? Hey!
**[03:56] Oso**
Where's Totoko-chan?
**[03:59] Toto**
Whee! Yay!
**[04:01] Toto**
I choose this horse!
**[04:03] All**
Totoko-chan?!
**[04:05] Oso**
Y-Y-Y-You can't just get on a
horse like that, Totoko-chan!
**[04:08] Oso**
That's not how horse racing works!
**[04:10] Toto**
Oh, it's not?
**[04:11] Both**
Sorry! So sorry!
**[04:13] Toto**
This isn't what I thought it'd
be at all. I'm going home.
**[04:16] Six**
Huh?! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[04:19] Chor**
Um, you see, horse racing is
**[04:22] Chor**
a game where you try to guess
which horse will finish in which place.
**[04:25] Chor**
Look.
**[04:25] Chor**
See the list of horses that
are going to be running?
***SIGN*** Masurao Japan Sunday Morning September Junior Exe Nabezoko Sebiro Rock Of Last Sakuramomoumeko Donburia Count Haisai Ankle Winter Romance Come Come Boy Cross Winda Moguramaru Oichii Wonder Morris
**[04:28] Chor**
You choose a—
**[04:28] Toto**
Pardon me, are you a horse owner?
**[04:32] Chor**
Huh?
**[04:32] Toto**
This I know. Horse owners are super rich, right?
**[04:36] Toto**
Are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:38] Chor**
Totoko-chan?
**[04:39] Toto**
Are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:41] Chor**
Um...
**[04:42] Toto**
Are you a horse owner?
Aren't you a horse owner?
**[04:45] Toto**
Hey, are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:46] Toto**
Excuse me! Is there a horse owner here?!
**[04:54] Toto**
Jeez. There isn't a single horse owner.
**[04:56] Toto**
I'm going home.
**[04:57] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[04:59] Todo**
L-Listen, Totoko-chan.
**[05:01] Todo**
Horse racing isn't where you can
ride any horse without permission
**[05:04] Todo**
or try to land a horse
owner to change your life.
**[05:06] Todo**
It's a game where you guess what place—
**[05:09] Todo**
A-Are you listening?
**[05:12] Toto**
Wow, draft horses everywhere.
**[05:14] Todo**
Totoko-chan?!
**[05:15] Toto**
Are these guys going to race now?
**[05:17] Todo**
No! Because they're not horses!
**[05:19] Toto**
All right, you'll be first,
and you'll be second!
**[05:21] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[05:23] Toto**
I knew horses were way too big! Too big!
**[05:26] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[05:27] Toto**
Wow, there are so many ways to buy
a betting ticket! How interesting!
**[05:33] Oso**
And you can buy them starting at 100 yen.
**[05:35] Toto**
100 yen? That's nice for you broke-asses.
**[05:38] Oso**
Right. It's kind to us broke-asses, too.
**[05:41] Toto**
Huh...
**[05:43] Kara**
Totoko-chan, why not choose Win 5?
**[05:46] Toto**
Win 5?
**[05:48] Kara**
Out of all the ways you can buy
tickets, it's the most dramatic.
**[05:51] Kara**
If you happen to guess the first place
winner on five consecutive races...
**[05:55] Kara**
You win as much as 600 million yen.
**[05:57] Toto**
600 million?!
**[05:58] Toto**
If I guess five consecutive races correctly?!
**[06:00] Kara**
Yeah.
**[06:03] Toto**
Come on, there's no way I'd win that.
**[06:06] Toto**
Are you guys all stupid?
**[06:07] Kara**
Totoko-chan?!
**[06:08] Toto**
Five consecutive wins can't be possible.
**[06:10] Toto**
You'd never get them right.
**[06:12] Six**
Totoko-chan!
**[06:13] Toto**
Sounds more like a sham than a dream!
**[06:15] Six**
Totoko-chan!
**[06:16] Kara**
But you can! You can win, Totoko-chan!
**[06:18] Toto**
Really? Seems shady.
**[06:20] Toto**
Could it really go that well?
**[06:24] Toto**
Oh, there it is. Well, one race is nothing...
**[06:29] Toto**
There it is... Well, two races are nothing...
**[06:33] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:35] Toto**
Wait, you're kidding...
**[06:37] Toto**
Yes! I got 600 million!
**[06:40] Toto**
Man, horse racing is so addicting!
**[06:42] Six**
Sorry! Could you go home now?!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Karamatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Proper Etiquette at the Races
**[06:54] Six**
Let's mind our manners!
**[06:56] Oso**
Not bad.
**[06:59] Oso**
Look at the form on that one.
**[07:01] Oso**
Those muscles are going to make a
difference in the final stretch.
**[07:05] Ich**
Explaining crap when you have no
idea what it means is prohibited.
**[07:10] Chor**
Of course! It's number 8!
**[07:13] Chor**
I knew it'd be number 8.
**[07:16] Chor**
I totally knew that it
was going to be number 8!
**[07:18] Ich**
Shitty excuses about how you should've
placed the right bet are prohibited, too.
***SIGN*** Nakayama Refunds
**[07:23] Kara**
Look!
**[07:24] Kara**
Look at those refunds!
**[07:26] Kara**
If I had bought 100 yen worth,
I could've gotten three million yen!
**[07:28] Todo**
Three million, huh... What would
you buy with all that money?
**[07:32] Kara**
Well...
**[07:34] Ichi**
This conversation is absolutely
pointless, so it's prohibited.
**[07:38] Jyu**
I lost!
**[07:43] Ich**
This isn't Koshien, so taking
home dirt is prohibited.
**[07:46] Jyu**
Yay! Yay! Yay!
**[07:50] Ichi**
Seriously, this isn't Koshien,
so cheering is prohibited.
**[07:56] Jyu**
So fast! They're all so fast!
**[07:59] Ich**
Actually, Jyushimatsus are prohibited.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[08:01] Jyu**
Yay! I ended up winning!
***SIGN*** 3rd Place
***SIGN*** 2nd Place
**[08:04] Ich**
Go home!
**[08:06] Kara**
Let's all remember our
manners at the races...
**[08:08] Chor**
...be friendly and have fun...
**[08:10] Todo**
...make a crap ton of money...
**[08:11] Oso**
...and prolong our dream NEET lifestyle!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[08:31] Hata**
Dart, dart, d-dart!
***SIGN*** The Horse Race Song
**[08:35] Hata**
A draft horse goes d-dart!
**[08:37] Hata**
Dart, dart, d-dart!
**[08:40] Hata**
A draft horse goes d-dart!
**[08:43] Hata**
Dart, dart!
**[08:46] Hta**
A draft horse goes d-dart! Shabada—
**[08:52] Hata**
Jo...
**[08:55] Ann**
Hatabou, even if you're a lap behind,
you can't just throw the race!
***SIGN*** The Horse Race Song 2
**[09:01] Hata**
Five horses ahead, who will win?
It all comes down to extension.
**[09:05] Hata**
You can tell who's going to
win from the turf vision!
**[09:09] Hata**
Ah, the sad remaining three furlongs—
**[09:18] Hata**
Jo...
**[09:19] Ann**
Hatabou, even if you're a lap behind,
you can't just throw the race!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Check
**[09:30] Chor**
All right, do your best!
**[09:32] Chor**
See ya!
**[09:34] Chor**
Okay.
**[09:36] Chor**
Huh?!
**[09:37] Chor**
Hey, you! You!
**[09:38] Chor**
What are you riding on?
**[09:40] Chor**
You can't ride on that! That's a cheetah!
**[09:42] Oso**
What? It's a horse.
**[09:44] Chor**
It's a cheetah.
**[09:45] Oso**
It's a horse.
**[09:46] Chor**
It's a cheetah.
**[09:47] Oso**
This won't lose to any horse.
**[09:50] Chor**
Yeah, because it's a cheetah.
**[09:51] Oso**
It's amazing! It can go over 100 kph!
**[09:54] Chor**
Yeah, because it's a cheetah.
**[09:55] Oso**
Have you ever had a horse like this before?
**[09:57] Chor**
No. Because that's a cheetah.
**[09:59] Oso**
But I'm a bit worried about its stamina.
**[10:01] Chor**
It's a friggin' cheetah!
**[10:02] Chor**
Would you leave?! This is a horse race!
**[10:04] Oso**
I can't ride this?
**[10:05] Choro**
No.
**[10:06] Oso**
I see...
**[10:08] Oso**
The hell... Virgins are so unreasonable.
**[10:11] Chor**
Being a virgin has nothing to do with this.
**[10:13] Chor**
And you're a virgin too, you virgin.
**[10:15] Chor**
Hey—
**[10:16] Chor**
Hey, you! You!
**[10:19] Choro**
You can't ride that! That's a bike!
**[10:22] Kara**
No, it's a horse.
**[10:23] Choro**
You've got some nerve. It's a bike.
**[10:26] Kra**
It may look like a bike,
**[10:28] Kara**
but this baby has...
**[10:30] Kara**
the heart of a thoroughbred.
**[10:32] Chor**
I'm seriously going to kill you. Leave.
**[10:34] Kara**
I can't ride this?
**[10:35] Chor**
No.
**[10:36] Kara**
I see...
**[10:39] Kara**
I guess you're too young
to ride a bike, you virgin.
**[10:41] Chor**
That has nothing to do with anything!
Ride a damn horse already.
**[10:45] Todo**
Look out, look out.
**[10:47] Chor**
Hey!
**[10:48] Chor**
Seriously, stop!
**[10:49] Chor**
No cars! This is horse racing!
**[10:52] Todo**
But it's a Ferrori.
**[10:53] Todo**
Look at the prancing horse.
**[10:55] Chor**
Stop saying stupid shit.
**[10:56] Chor**
Just leave.
**[10:57] Todo**
Aw, come on...
**[11:00] Todo**
You're being a sourpuss just because
you'll never be able to ride one.
**[11:03] Choro**
You'll never ride one, either.
Where'd you even get that?
**[11:08] Chor**
Seriously, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
**[11:11] Chor**
Jyushimatsu!
**[11:13] Ich**
Huh? But this is a horse.
**[11:15] Chor**
No, that's definitely Jyushimatsu.
**[11:16] Ich**
It's a horse.
**[11:17] Chor**
Hey, you're Jyushimatsu, right?
**[11:22] Jyu**
Yup, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[11:23] Choro**
See? It's Jyushimatsu!
**[11:24] Ich**
It's a horse.
**[11:26] Chor**
You're Jyushimatsu, right?
**[11:27] Jyu**
Yup. Jyushimatsu.
**[11:28] Chor**
See? It's Jyushimatsu!
**[11:30] Ich**
I can't ride Jyushimatsu?
**[11:31] Chor**
No Jyushimatsu. That's the worst.
**[11:34] Ich**
I see...
**[11:38] Ich**
Stupid!
**[11:39] Jyu**
Stupid!
**[11:41] Chor**
Huh?
**[11:46] Chor**
Totoko-chan! Good luck!
**[11:50] Chor**
Nyaa-chan! Good luck!
**[11:54] Chor**
You dumbass!
**[11:55] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:56] Iya**
Why?!
**[11:57] Iya**
Me has a proper horse!
Me didn't break any rules!
**[12:00] Chor**
That doesn't matter! I'll let the
horse through, but you leave.
**[12:03] Iya**
Why?!
**[12:04] Chor**
Leave!
**[12:05] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[12:09] Chor**
Listen up, everyone.
**[12:10] Chor**
This is horse racing.
You're going to ride horses.
**[12:13] Cchhor**
Anything else, and I'll kill you.
Thank you for understanding.
**[12:16] Todo**
Yup, horses.
**[12:18] Kara**
Horses. Got it.
**[12:22] Chor**
What?!
**[12:24] Chor**
That's a horse... That's a
horse, but it's riding you?!
**[12:29] Chor**
What?!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Arima Kinen
***SIGN*** Turf
***SIGN*** OX Grand Prix
**[12:56] Oso**
It's here...
**[12:58] Oso**
It's here! The time has finally arrived!
**[13:02] Oso**
Arima Kinen!
**[13:04] Odo**
Arima!
**[13:05] Kara**
Come on, Venus!
**[13:07] Chor**
The all-star, as voted for by the fans!
**[13:09] Jyu**
There's elegance, dreams, and drama!
**[13:11] Oso**
The year-end big dream! And that's...
**[13:14] All**
...Arima!
**[13:16] Some**
Yay!
**[13:16] Ichi**
Y-Yay...
**[13:19] Oso**
Oh, man! I can't believe how fun this is!
**[13:21] Chor**
Isn't your ass hair just on fire?
**[13:23] Kara**
I'm about to c*m.
**[13:24] Jyu**
Huh?
**[13:25] Kara**
I said that I was about to c*m!
**[13:27] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[13:28] Todo**
Hey, what betting
methods are you guys doing?
**[13:31] Oso**
What else, Totty?
I'm going for the tri-fec-ta!
**[13:38] Todo**
Wait, that's it?
**[13:39] Chor**
Just the trifecta?
**[13:41] Oso**
Yeah... Wait, you guys aren't?
**[13:43] Oso**
But you make the most that way.
**[13:45] Chor**
That's if you win.
**[13:46] Chor**
You really are an idiotic, shitty piece of
garbage that doesn't think things through.
**[13:49] Tod**
You're trash.
**[13:51] Oso**
That's fine. I can't think of anything
else other than the trifecta.
**[13:54] Todo**
What about you, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[13:55] Chor**
I'm going for the place
and the quinella place.
**[13:57] Oso**
Wow, so lame!
**[13:58] Todo**
Lame!
**[13:59] Oso**
Talk about not taking any risks!
**[14:01] Todo**
Definitely Fappymatsu-like.
**[14:02] Chor**
What does it matter to you?! Once the
results come out, you'll be groveling.
**[14:06] Kara**
Guys.
**[14:08] Kara**
If you're actually men,
go for the win. The win.
**[14:11] Kara**
The Karamatsu style of horse racing is to
give my all to the one horse that I choose.
**[14:15] Ich**
Tch.
**[14:16] Todo**
Oh, really?
**[14:16] Todo**
And? Which horse did you pick?
**[14:19] Kara**
Number 2, of course.
**[14:20] Todo**
And of course, you pick
yourself! It's all about you!
**[14:22] Todo**
Gross!
**[14:23] Oso**
What about you, Ichimatsu? What did you pick?
**[14:25] Ich**
Huh, m-me? I...
**[14:28] Ich**
I woke up at exactly 11:00 this morning,
so I picked number 11.
**[14:33] Ich**
I saw three cats on the
way here, so number 3.
**[14:37] Ich**
And when I counted my change earlier,
I had fourteen yen, so number 14.
**[14:40] Oso**
And there it is! Sign betting!
**[14:42] Chor**
You mean when you take signs and codes
**[14:44] Chor**
from all around and reflect them in your bets?
**[14:46] Ich**
Also, it's the year 2016,
so I picked number 16,
**[14:49] Ich**
and there were 25 steps
earlier, so numbers 2 and 5,
**[14:52] Ich**
and I walked 86 steps, so number 8 and 6...
**[14:55] Oso**
Uh, there's really no end to this.
**[14:57] Chor**
Don't buy too many, Ichimatsu.
**[14:59] Ich**
"Ichimatsu"...
**[15:00] Ich**
Oh, yeah! I forgot to pick number 1!
**[15:02] Both**
Seriously, there's no end!
**[15:04] Todo**
You're all weirdos. What about
you, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[15:08] Jyu**
I picked bracket quinella.
**[15:09] Five**
Bracket quinella?!
**[15:10] Tod**
What?! Bracket quinella?!
**[15:11] Tod**
Why?!
**[15:12] Oso**
I can't comprehend how stupid people think.
**[15:14] Jyu**
I'm not stupid! I have my reasons!
**[15:18] Jyu**
Sixteen horses run all at once,
**[15:20] Jyu**
so you can't tell which one
is your horse anymore, right?
**[15:23] Jyu**
But that doesn't matter
with bracket quinella.
**[15:24] Jyu**
You just have to remember
the jockey's hat color.
**[15:26] Oso**
Oh, I see. Wait, no, you're still stupid!
**[15:29] Jyu**
Well, yes! Yes, yes.
**[15:32] Todo**
Huh?
**[15:34] Ich**
What about you, Todomatsu?
**[15:35] Todo**
Hm?
**[15:36] Ich**
What did you pick?
**[15:38] Todo**
Oh, I didn't buy a ticket.
**[15:40] Ich**
Huh?
**[15:41] Todo**
Because I'm in charge of cheering.
**[15:44] Todo**
I'm just here to cheer on everyone's horses!
**[15:47] Todo**
So if you guys win, give me 10% each, 'kay?
**[15:50] Ich**
The little shit took the safe route.
**[15:51] Chor**
Leave the racecourse right now.
**[15:56] Kara**
It's starting!
**[15:57] Oso**
Huh?! Already?!
**[15:58] Oso**
Go, 3-6-9! 3-6-9!
**[16:01] Kara**
Come on, number 2! Come on, Karamatsu!
**[16:06] Six**
Go!
**[16:06] Six**
Come on!
**[16:09] Six**
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
**[16:12] Sx**
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
**[16:14] Todo**
Please, God!
**[16:15] Chor**
Take-sama!
**[16:17] Oso**
Demuro-sama!
**[16:19] Six**
Go!
**[16:30] Chor**
Huh? Wait, huh?
**[16:32] Todo**
W-Wait, was that...
**[16:34] Kara**
Osomatsu...
**[16:36] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[16:44] Oso**
I won! I got the trifecta!
**[16:49] Oso**
Thanks! Thanks, guys!
**[16:56] Oso**
Man, that was really amazing. Who would've
thought the trifecta would win?
**[17:00] Five**
Right?
**[17:02] Oso**
I seriously should have bought a ticket.
***SIGN*** Arima Kinen Trifecta
**[17:04] Five**
Right?
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[17:16] Dayo**
Something's wrong!
**[17:18] Dayo**
I don't know what to do! My horse won't run!
***SIGN*** It Won't Run~
**[17:26] Deka**
What's going on?
**[17:28] Dayo**
It won't run.
**[17:37] Dayo**
It won't run!
**[17:41] Dayo**
What happened?
**[17:45] Dayo**
I don't know what's wrong!
**[17:54] Deka**
Oh, maybe...
**[18:00] Dayo**
I forgot to put on its horseshoes.
It's a very smart horse.
**[18:07] Dayo**
Thanks!
**[18:13] Dayo**
It won't run! That made no difference!
**[18:19] Deka**
There's nothing more that I can do...
**[18:23] Dayo**
Wait!
**[18:24] Deka**
I'm sorry.
**[18:25] Dayo**
It won't run!
**[18:27] Deka**
I'm sure the horse has its reasons.
**[18:30] Dayo**
Wait!
**[18:31] Deka**
I'm sorry.
**[18:32] Dayo**
Don't go!
**[18:34] Deka**
There's nothing more...
**[18:43] Dayo**
It won't run!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** One Day Bath
***SIGN*** Horse Owner
**[18:54] Chib**
Huh? You're going to buy a horse?
**[18:57] Iya**
Chibita! Me is a genius!
**[18:59] Iya**
To make money on the races, instead of
buying tickets or becoming a jockey,
**[19:02] Iya**
becoming a horse owner is the fastest!
**[19:05] Iya**
You'll get status, fame,
and money all at once!
**[19:08] Chib**
But how are you going to get a
horse that easily, you idjit?
**[19:12] Chib**
Aren't they expensive?
**[19:15] Iya**
There's a good ranch.
***SIGN*** Hata Hata Ranch
**[19:19] Hata**
Here you go, jo. They're super cheap, jo.
**[19:23] Iya**
Now me is going to be super rich!
**[19:25] Chib**
I might just get one myself.
***SIGN*** One Horse: Five Yen
**[19:27] Iya**
Now, my horsies! Show me your faces!
**[20:04] Hata**
What's wrong, jo? Which
horse do you want, jo?
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[20:31] Ann**
*And now, all of you failures
across the country...*
***SIGN*** Transcendent Super Super Super Obstacle Race
**[20:33] Ann**
*Did you get yelled at by
someone important again?*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Cup
***SIGN*** 138th Grand Prix
**[20:36] Ann**
*The rare 138th race, the Akatsuka Cup,*
**[20:39] Ann**
* is yet again the annual transcendent super*
* super super obstacle race this year.*
**[20:43] Toto**
I can't wait! You're gonna piss me off!
**[20:47] Ann**
* And now, who will be able to clear all*
* of these wonderful obstacles and win?*
**[20:53] Ann**
*This race is filled with life lessons.*
***SIGN*** Late Bloomer
**[20:55] Ann**
*Please find all of them yourselves.*
**[20:59] Ann**
*Every horse will be risking its life.*
**[21:01] Ann**
*Who will be the one to laugh last?*
**[21:03] Ann**
* Who will win the half-off coupons for*
* the Nakayama Racecourse's restaurants?*
**[21:08] Oso**
*I'm gonna win! I'm super good at this stuff.*
**[21:11] Coro**
*I have to kill him first.*
**[21:14] Ka**
*I'll plug you full of holes.*
**[21:16] Todo**
*I'll act like I'm not even trying at first,*
**[21:19] Todo**
*and then steal the show in the end!*
**[21:26] Iya**
Chibita.
**[21:29] Iya**
*Let's go just as planned.*
**[21:32] Chib**
*So we're going with that plan, you idjit?*
**[21:36] Deka**
*I'll show you what a real old man's made of.*
**[21:41] Hata**
*Jo...*
**[21:43] Ann**
*All right, let's get started.*
**[21:45] Ann**
* The Akatsuka Cup, the transcendent super*
* super super obstacle race, is about to start.*
***SIGN*** Late Bloomer
**[21:54] Toto**
I can't wait!
**[21:59] Ann**
*Oh?!*
**[22:01] An**
*Oh?! What's this?!*
**[22:15] Ann**
*Everyone loses!*
***SIGN*** End Card Illustration Asano Naoyuki
***SIGN*** Horse Racing is Awesome!!!
***SIGN*** See You Again Someday!!
# Season 2
# E1 - Mr. Osomatsu Returns
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR09Z1PVR/mr-osomatsu-returns)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu Returns
**[00:05] Nar**
**Mr. Osomatsu *returns!*
**[00:10] Osomatsu**
It's an emergency!
**[00:13] Osomatsu**
It's an emergency, I tell you!
**[00:14] Osomatsu**
Karamatsu!
**[00:15] Karamatsu**
Huh?
**[00:16] Osomatsu**
Choromatsu!
**[00:16] Choromatsu**
Hm?
**[00:17] Osomatsu**
Ichimatsu!
**[00:18] Ichimatsu**
Huh?
**[00:18] Osomatsu**
Jyushimatsu!
**[00:20] Jyushimatsu**
Huh?
**[00:20] Osomatsu**
Todomatsu!
**[00:21] Todomatsu**
Hm?
**[00:22] Five**
What's the matter, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[00:25] Osomatsu**
It's an emergency!
**[00:26] Osomatsu**
Our anime that ended in March last year
**[00:30] Osomatsu**
is starting up again today!
**[00:31] Five**
What?!
**[00:33] Karamatsu**
Is that really true, Osomatsu-niisan?!
**[00:35] Osomatsu**
It is! Actually, it's already started!
**[00:37] All**
Huh?
**[00:40] Karamatsu**
He's right! We're on TV again!
**[00:44] Todomatsu**
It's a miracle!
**[00:45] Four**
Yay!
**[00:47] Choromatsu**
I'm worried...
**[00:48] Osomatsu**
What's the matter, Choromatsu?
**[00:50] Choromatsu**
Well, our anime aired two years ago.
**[00:54] Choromatsu**
I wonder if anyone even remembers us now.
**[00:56] Choromatsu**
Did people actually wait for us?
**[00:59] Osomatsu**
It'll be fine!
**[01:00] Four**
Don't worry about it!
**[01:02] Osomatsu**
If you're that worried, want to use this TV
to see what our future selves are like?
**[01:07] Choromatsu**
What? We can actually do that?
**[01:09] Jyushimatsu**
Yeah! I wanna see!
**[01:10] Todomatsu**
I can't wait to see what
we're like as adults!
**[01:13] Karamatsu**
It's so exciting!
**[01:14] Osomatsu**
All right, guys, group up!
**[01:17] Osomatsu**
All right, here we go. You guys ready?
**[01:19] All**
Yeah!
**[01:20] Osomatsu**
There! Our anime returns!
**[01:24] All**
Returns!
**[01:29] Nar**
**Mr. Osomatsu*, the TV anime.*
**[01:32] Nar**
* It temporarily finished*
* broadcasting in March, 2016,*
**[01:35] Nar**
* having created a slight buzz*
* and become slightly popular.*
**[01:39] Nar**
*Now, a year and six months have passed.*
**[01:43] Chibita**
The hell... It's been so long.
**[01:46] Chibita**
What've you been up to?
**[01:49] Iyami**
What else?
**[01:51] Iyami**
Me was vacationing in France.
**[01:55] Chibita**
Huh... I see.
**[01:57] Iyami**
Me is not a commoner like you.
**[01:59] Chibita**
Really.
**[02:00] Iyami**
You don't believe me, do you?!
**[02:02] Iyami**
Here's the proof! Look, Trump Tower.
**[02:05] Chibita**
That's not even France!
**[02:07] Chibita**
Come to think of it, what are those idiots up to?
Why don't we stop by their place?
**[02:12] Iyami**
Knowing those idiots,
me is sure nothing has changed.
***SIGN*** Matsuno Monthly Parking
**[02:16] Iyami**
They're probably just lazing around with
nothing to do and living meaningless lives—
**[02:20] Iyami**
What?
**[02:22] Chibita**
What?! What is this?!
**[02:25] Chibita**
Is their house a lot bigger than it used to be?
**[02:28] Chibita**
Has it been completely remodeled?!
**[02:29] Iyami**
Seriously?!
**[02:30] Chibita**
Look! Their front door has
an automatic lock on it!
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[02:33] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:34] Chibita**
Their house is solar-powered, you idjit!
**[02:36] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Please Use Freely
**[02:37] Chibita**
They even have Wi-fi!
**[02:38] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh...
**[02:40] Chibita**
Wh-What's going on with these changes?
**[02:42] Chibita**
When the hell did they
become this rich, you idjit?!
**[02:45] Iyami**
Chibita, this must be it!
***SIGN*** 66 Hour TV
**[02:48] Chibita**
Huh? Wha...?
***SIGN*** Talk Show
***SIGN*** Special Guests: Matsuyo, Matuzou
**[02:50] Chibita**
What the heck's going on?!
**[02:51] Iyami**
Look over there, too!
**[02:54] Chibita**
Could those people be their fans?
Are they here to see them?
**[02:57] Chibita**
The heck's going on?
What in the world happened?
**[03:00] Chibita**
This almost makes it seem like
they're actually popular!
**[03:03] Chibita**
What the hell's going on in this world?!
**[03:05] Chibita**
Get a grip, world! Seriously, what the hell?!
**[03:08] Chibita**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[03:09] Iyami**
Wake up! We're talking about NEETs here!
**[03:12] Chibita**
They're virgins!
**[03:13] Iyami**
They're scum!
**[03:13] Chibita**
Trash!
**[03:14] Iyami**
Filth!
**[03:14] Chibita**
Shi—
**[03:19] Chibita**
I-It's no use... Their eyes
are completely soulless.
**[03:23] ---**
Sheeeh...
**[03:24] Old**
What've we got here?
**[03:26] Old**
What, you guys wanna go see them
honorable Matsuno sextuplets?
**[03:30] Iyami**
H-Honorable sextuplets?!
**[03:32] Old**
Them honorable sextuplets
got their one hit.
**[03:35] Old**
Because they got their one hit,
they were granted half-assed wealth and fame.
**[03:40] Old**
Because of that, they're living the good
life in an awfully half-assed way.
**[03:43] Old**
Wanna go see them?
**[03:55] Old**
Hey, whatcha doin'? Hurry it up.
**[03:59] Old**
The honorable sextuplets are in
the middle of their meet and greet.
**[04:02] Old**
Make sure you don't get in their way.
**[04:03] Iyami**
Meet and greet?
**[04:07] Old**
Well, see ya.
**[04:12] Chibita**
H-Hey, Osomatsu? Karamatsu?
**[04:15] Chibita**
You here? Hey!
**[04:18] Iyami**
Th-That's...
**[04:19] Chibita**
Huh? The hell is that?!
**[04:33] Osomatsu**
Hi. Here ya go.
**[04:35] Osomatsu**
Yup. There.
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[04:37] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[04:43] Karamatsu**
Yeah.
**[04:44] Karamatsu**
There ya go. Yeah.
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[04:51] Choromatsu**
Yes, I see.
**[04:52] Choromatsu**
Yes, indeed. Yup.
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[05:01] ---**
Keep your filthy hands away.
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[05:07] Jyushimatsu**
Yarp.
**[05:10] Jyushimatsu**
Hi. Thanks.
**[05:12] Jyushimatsu**
Hi.
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[05:17] Totty**
I'm Totty!
**[05:19] Totty**
Aren't I cute?
***SIGN*** 1 Handshake 200 yen
**[05:23] Chibita**
They're so gross...
**[05:25] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
**[05:27] Osomatsu**
Hey, guys!
**[05:32] Osomatsu**
It's been a while.
You should've told us you were coming.
**[05:35] Osomatsu**
We got, like, our one hit.
I don't really get it, but we got super rich.
**[05:42] Osomatsu**
So working is pretty much
out of the question.
**[05:45] Osomatsu**
We're living the high life.
It's so much fun being alive.
**[05:50] Choromatsu**
Yeah, like, sorry and stuff.
We got super rich and became popular.
**[05:55] Choromatsu**
It's so much fun being alive right now.
**[05:57] Karamatsu**
Hey, here's Karamatsu-sama's
new single. Take it.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu's Nummy Nums Gourmet
**[06:04] Jyushimatsu**
Here. This is a cookbook I released.
**[06:06] Jyushimatsu**
Want an autograph?
**[06:08] Totty**
Ugh, this is so exhausting.
**[06:10] Totty**
We have money, we're popular.
It's exhausting to even breathe.
**[06:18] Osomatsu**
Oh, yeah. Why don't we order
some sushi for them?
**[06:22] Choro**
Sushi? Sounds good. Yeah, it'll be our treat.
**[06:24] Totty**
Here. Which set should we get?
**[06:26] Osomatsu**
Well, the Matsu set, of course.
**[06:30] Osomatsu**
We are Matsus, after all.
**[06:36] Choromatsu**
B-Because we're Matsus!
**[06:38] Totty**
The sushi set is called Matsu
and we're Matsus, too!
**[06:41] Karamatsu**
That's too funny!
**[06:42] Jyushimatsu**
Your jokes are so funny!
**[06:43] Ichimatsu**
No wonder we hit it big.
No wonder we're popular.
**[06:50] Mom**
What? Of course that won't do.
***SIGN*** Collaboration Proposal Room
**[06:53] Mom**
There's no way our adorable sextuplets
would do something so vulgar.
**[06:58] Dad**
They're national stars now.
What if that'll make people hate them?
***SIGN*** Proposal
**[07:02] Mom**
No dirty jokes!
**[07:02] Dad**
No being vulgar!
**[07:03] Mom**
Nothing grotesque!
**[07:04] Dad**
No more parodies!
***SIGN*** King General
**[07:05] Mom**
Cuteness prevails!
**[07:07] Dad**
Cuteness prevails!
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[07:08] Mom**
My little sextuplets!
**[07:09] Dad**
Our cute little sextuplets!
***SIGN*** Merchandise Production Room
**[07:15] Totoko**
Okay! We've made some new merchandise
for the little sextuplets!
**[07:20] Totoko**
First... Ta-da!
**[07:23] Totoko**
An Osomatsu-kun keyholder for 5,000 yen!
**[07:25] Hatabou**
It's cute, jo.
**[07:27] Totoko**
Next... Ta-da!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[07:29] Totoko**
A Karamatsu-kun sweatshirt for 10,000 yen!
**[07:32] Hatabou**
Very well-made, jo.
**[07:34] Totoko**
Ta-da! A Choromatsu-kun
plushie for 30,000 yen!
**[07:38] Hatabou**
I totally want it, jo.
**[07:40] Totoko**
Ta-da! An Ichimatsu-kun
figure set for 100,000 yen!
**[07:43] Hatabou**
It'll be sold at a premium, jo.
**[07:45] Buyer 1**
P-Pardon me.
**[07:47] Buyer 1**
Er, uh... I have to wonder
about the quality...
**[07:52] Totoko**
Tch. Quality?
**[07:55] Totoko**
Who the hell cares about quality?!
If we put this crap out, it sells!
**[07:59] Totoko**
Just put this crap out and sell it!
**[08:01] Totoko**
We're just here to make a buck!
Ain't nothin' better!
***SIGN*** Money
**[08:05] Totoko**
I'm filthy rich because of those sextuplets!
**[08:07] Hatabou**
Cash cows, jo.
**[08:12] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:12] Chibita**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
***SIGN*** A Dingy Cabaret
***SIGN*** Sake
**[08:15] Dekapan**
We'll let you all in on a little secret.
**[08:19] Dekapan**
Believe it or not, we're the ones who
made that anime about those sextuplets.
**[08:24] Dayon**
That was our achievement!
**[08:29] Dekapan**
Do you want to meet the sextuplets?
**[08:31] Dayon**
Well?
**[08:40] Osomatsu**
Bring me more sake!
**[08:48] Jyushimatsu**
Tastes great.
**[08:52] Totty**
You're cute!
**[08:54] Totty**
Oh, uggos can leave. Seriously.
***SIGN*** Choromatsu's Animation School
***SIGN*** Special Instructor
***SIGN*** Choromatsu-sensei has arrived!!
**[09:02] Choromatsu**
Everyone, pay attention to me!
***SIGN*** The importance of bishojo in anime -What is "moe"? -The possibility of cowlicks Glasses-chans are... Younger...
***SIGN*** I'm late, I'm late!
**[09:04] Choromatsu**
So with proper anime...
the popular characters... Do you understand?
**[09:11] Ichimatsu**
I'll think positively with
peaceful love vibes, man...
**[09:30] Osomatsu**
Man, we totally took over the whole country.
**[09:33] Five**
Right?
**[09:34] Osomatsu**
No one complains anymore.
**[09:36] Five**
Right?
**[09:37] Osomatsu**
Now our future is...
**[09:39] Osomatsu**
secure!
**[09:41] Five**
Secure!
**[09:42] Osomatsu**
It's secure!
**[09:44] Five**
Secure!
**[09:45] Six**
This is how it should be!
**[09:51] Mob**
The hell it is!
***SIGN*** Don't forgive those sextuplets!
***SIGN*** Die!
***SIGN*** Death to vulgar anime!
**[09:53] Mob 2**
Who do you NEET virgins think you are?!
***SIGN*** KILL
***SIGN*** Divine punishment
**[09:56] Mob 3**
Osomatsu-san, my ass!
***SIGN*** Vulgarity
**[09:58] Mob**
Stop getting carried away!
**[10:00] Mob 2**
Who do you think you are?!
**[10:01] Karamatsu**
Hot! Hot!
**[10:01] Mob 3**
Divine punishment!
**[10:04] Mob 4**
How about you die?
**[10:13] Chibita**
Well, yeah... We saw that coming.
**[10:16] Chibita**
Aw, man... It's all over, you idjits.
**[10:19] Iyami**
Over.
**[10:26] Osomatsu**
Huh?
**[10:28] Karamatsu**
Wha...?
**[10:29] Todomatsu**
What was that?
**[10:30] Choromatsu**
That's what our future's
supposed to be like?
**[10:33] Jyushimatsu**
We were all scum.
**[10:35] Ichimatsu**
Yeah, there was only trash.
**[10:39] Six**
What?!
**[10:41] Choromatsu**
What was that?! Is that how we're
going to end up in the future?!
**[10:44] Jyushimatsu**
No!
**[10:45] Jyushimatsu**
Anime over! It's over!
**[10:47] Todomatsu**
We totally shouldn't do it anymore!
**[10:49] Five**
Someone save us!
**[10:50] Osomatsu**
C-Calm down, guys!
**[10:52] Five**
Huh?
**[10:53] Osomatsu**
We still have time!
**[10:54] Osomatsu**
If we start working hard now,
**[10:56] Osomatsu**
we can become a great anime
that's loved by everyone!
**[11:00] Ichimatsu**
Really, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[11:02] Osomatsu**
Yeah, let's do our best.
**[11:03] Osomatsu**
We're going to be reborn! Starting now!
**[11:05] Five**
Got it!
**[11:08] Nar**
* And so the sextuplets decided to*
* work hard and have a proper future.*
**[11:14] Osomatsu**
*Let's do this properly...*
**[11:15] Choromatsu**
*Properly.*
**[11:17] Ichimatsu**
*We'll do this right.*
**[11:18] Jyushimatsu**
*We'll work hard...*
**[11:20] Jyushimatsu**
*...and change...*
**[11:21] Karamatsu**
*...into a great anime...*
**[11:23] Todomatsu**
*...so that everyone will love us.*
**[11:25] Nar**
* Then ten-odd years passed,*
* and in the end...*
**[11:57] Wife**
Oh, good morning, darling.
**[11:59] Daughter**
Morning, Daddy!
**[12:01] Osomatsu**
Good morning.
**[12:03] Wife**
Oh, goodness.
You're spilling food everywhere.
**[12:14] Osomatsu**
All right, I'll be off.
**[12:16] Wife**
Osomatsu?
**[12:20] Wife**
Have a good day.
**[12:21] Osomatsu**
I will.
**[12:27] Daughter**
Bye-bye, Daddy!
**[12:31] Osomatsu**
*I became... proper.*
**[12:34] Osomatsu**
* Ever since then, I've worked properly*
* and properly became great.*
**[12:37] Junior**
Chief Matsuno! Good morning!
**[12:40] Osomatsu**
*See? I'm doing this properly.*
**[12:43] Osomatsu**
*Look. Properly.*
**[12:46] Osomatsu**
*Yup.*
**[12:47] Osomatsu**
*I'm doing it properly.*
**[12:51] Osomatsu**
*I'm so proper.*
**[12:53] Osomatsu**
*I'm doing it properly. This is amazing.*
**[12:57] Bg**
You can do it!
**[12:58] Osomatsu**
*I'm doing this properly!*
**[13:00] Osomatsu**
*Go, me!*
**[13:05] Osomatsu**
* And today, after so long,*
* I'm finally reuniting with the other guys.*
**[13:11] Osomatsu**
* I'm sure that they've become*
* even more proper than I have.*
**[13:15] Karamatsu**
Yo, Osomatsu.
**[13:17] Osomatsu**
You're... Karamatsu!
**[13:21] Karamatsu**
It's been a while, Osomatsu.
**[13:23] Osomatsu**
Wow, that's amazing! You grew up properly!
**[13:27] Karamatsu**
Well, this isn't all.
**[13:29] Osomatsu**
Huh?
**[13:32] Osomatsu**
Wh-Who are those guys?
**[13:37] Osomatsu**
What?!
**[13:59] Karamatsu**
Mission complete.
**[14:01] Osomatsu**
You're doing it properly!
You're sci-fi now, Karamatsu?
**[14:05] Osomatsu**
So you went that direction!
**[14:06] Osomatsu**
Man, you've grown up so much!
**[14:08] Karamatsu**
Well, I worked hard.
**[14:10] Osomatsu**
I see! You're doing it properly!
**[14:12] Totoko**
Osomatsu-niisan! Karamatsu-niisan!
**[14:14] Choro**
It's been a while.
**[14:16] Osomatsu**
Choromatsu! Totoko-chan!
**[14:19] Karamatsu**
Oh, so you guys also properly...
**[14:22] Choro (totoko)**
Have you been well, Osomatsu-kun?
**[14:24] Osomatsu**
Huh?
**[14:24] Totoko (choromatsu)**
How have you been, Karamatsu-niisan?
**[14:26] Karamatsu**
Huh?
**[14:28] Karamatsu**
C-Could it be that you two...
**[14:30] Totoko**
That's right. My body and Totoko-chan's
have been switched.
**[14:35] Both**
They're doing it properly!
**[14:37] Osomatsu**
Boys and girls switching bodies?
You guys are doing it so properly!
**[14:41] Karamatsu**
That'll be a hit! It'll be so popular!
**[14:44] Karamatsu**
How'd you even switch bodies?
**[14:46] Totoko**
We worked hard.
**[14:47] Karamatsu**
Well done!
**[14:48] Choromatsu**
We worked real hard.
**[14:49] Karamatsu**
I see! That's great!
**[14:50] Ichimatsu**
Guys!
**[14:52] Four**
Ichimatsu?!
**[14:56] Ichimatsu**
Guys, I'm going on a quest
to find the mysterious temple
**[15:01] Ichimatsu**
called Under the Pulse
that's said to be under the sea.
**[15:04] Ichimatsu**
But none of the adults in Heaven believe me.
That's why I'm going to find it.
**[15:09] Ichimatsu**
With my sword and my undying passion,
**[15:11] Ichimatsu**
I'll put an end to this battle of the gods!
**[15:14] Choro and totoko**
He's doing it properly!
**[15:16] Choromatsu**
An adventure fantasy!
There's no doubt about it!
**[15:18] Choromatsu**
That's a hit in every generation!
**[15:20] Totoko**
You've grown up so much!
**[15:22] Ichimatsu**
Well, I worked hard.
**[15:23] Totoko**
I see.
**[15:24] Jyushimatsu**
Hey, guys!
**[15:27] Five**
Jyushimatsu!
**[15:44] Ichimatsu**
He's doing it properly!
**[15:46] Ichimatsu**
You went 3D? That's so great!
**[15:50] Jyushimatsu**
I worked hard!
**[15:51] Ichimatsu**
I see.
**[15:53] Todomatsu**
Hey, hey!
**[15:54] Six**
Todomatsu!
**[15:58] Jyushimatsu**
He's doing it properly!
**[16:01] Totty**
I'm Totty.
**[16:02] Totty**
Sorry to keep you all waiting!
**[16:04] Jyushimatsu**
Live action, huh?
So that's the final form...
**[16:07] Karamatsu**
We've developed in so many ways.
**[16:09] Osomatsu**
You're all amazing!
I almost didn't recognize you!
**[16:12] Osomatsu**
We're all doing this properly!
**[16:19] Bg**
We're doing it properly!
**[16:21] ---**
We're proper, all right!
**[16:24] Iyami**
Sheeeh! It's not over yet!
**[16:28] Osomatsu**
That's...
**[16:33] Iyami**
I'll be the one to rule over this world!
**[16:36] Chibita**
Everyone who resists will be killed, you idjits.
**[16:42] Jyushimatsu**
There you are, proper enemy!
**[16:44] Osomatsu**
All right, let's defeat him!
**[16:46] Five**
Yeah!
**[16:47] Six**
Let's go!
**[16:56] Osomatsu**
Take off properly!
**[16:58] Five**
Take off properly!
**[17:00] Osomatsu**
A proper mecha!
**[17:02] Five**
A proper mecha!
**[17:04] Song**
*We still can't get enough*
**[17:07] Song**
*Of dreams, love, and desires*
**[17:09] Song**
*It's not just all about justice and courage*
**[17:13] Osomatsu**
Transform properly!
**[17:15] Five**
Transform properly!
**[17:15] ---**
*The established regularity
of the world will sustain us*
**[17:18] Osomatsu**
Combine properly!
**[17:21] Five**
Combine properly!
**[17:21] ---**
*Unleash the proper power of the future*
**[17:32] ---**
*Properly combine*
**[17:35] Osomatsu**
A proper ultimate attack!
**[17:35] ---**
*Properly, yeah, yeah*
**[17:37] ---**
*We'll change everything
ourselves if we have to*
**[17:37] Five**
A proper ultimate attack!
**[17:41] Chibita**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[17:43] ---**
*We're going to get our hands on a proper future*
**[17:49] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:49] ---**
*With our proper lives*
**[17:51] Osomatsu**
We're having a proper momentary crisis!
**[17:54] Five**
We're having a proper momentary crisis!
**[17:56] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:02] Osomatsu**
But... we'll defeat him properly!
**[18:03] ---**
*Properly transform*
**[18:04] Five**
We'll defeat him properly!
**[18:05] ---**
*Properly run*
**[18:07] ---**
*So we can take hold of our proper future*
**[18:08] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[18:23] Osomatsu**
And then...
**[18:25] Osomatsu**
We linger properly.
**[18:28] Five**
We linger properly.
**[18:34] Osomatsu**
We're so great!
**[18:37] Five**
We're so great!
**[18:40] Osomatsu**
We're perfect!
**[18:42] Five**
We're perfect!
**[19:02] Nar**
* And so the sextuplets*
* successfully became proper,*
**[19:06] Nar**
* and were reborn into a proper,*
* wonderful anime.*
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
**[19:11] Nar**
* Please look forward to*
* next week's episode, too.*
**[19:25] Osomatsu**
All right! Let's continue to work hard!
**[19:27] Osomatsu**
That way, our future will be...
**[19:29] Osomatsu**
secure!
**[19:31] Five**
Secure!
**[19:32] Osomatsu**
Secure!
**[19:34] Five**
Secure!
**[19:35] Osomatsu**
This is how...
**[19:36] All**
...it should be!
***SIGN*** Kill the Matsu!
**[19:38] Guy**
The hell you're being proper,
you shitty anime!
**[19:41] Mob**
You're wrong!
**[19:42] Mob**
What do you mean, "proper"?!
**[19:44] Mob**
Get a grip, you pieces of trash!
**[19:46] Nar**
*And so the sextuplets were
shit if they got big heads...*
**[19:49] Nar**
* and they were shit even if*
* they did things properly.*
**[19:52] Nar**
* They wandered into a labyrinth*
* with absolutely no exit.*
**[19:56] Nar**
*And then...*
**[19:58] Nar**
*they became adults*
**[20:00] Nar**
* without ever figuring out what they*
* should do, or where they should go.*
**[20:08] Todomatsu**
No, no, no...
**[20:09] Jyushimatsu**
No, no, no...
**[20:10] Ichimatsu**
No, no, no, no, no...
**[20:11] Choromatsu**
No, no, no...
**[20:12] Karamatsu**
No, no, no...
**[20:13] Osomatsu**
No, no, no, no...
**[20:19] Choromatsu**
No, seriously! What are we supposed to do?!
**[20:21] Choromatsu**
We didn't change at all in the end!
**[20:23] Choromatsu**
There's an episode next week, too!
**[20:25] Osomatsu**
Well, um, you know...
**[20:29] Osomatsu**
We basically don't have a future.
**[20:34] Nar**
*After this and that,*
**[20:37] Nar**
*their story is about to begin once again.*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Super Detergent" etc.
**[23:44] Osomatsu**
Heya! We should at least do the
next episode preview properly.
**[23:46] Osomatsu**
Here's the first one for next week!
It's finally g—
***SIGN*** Please Watch Again!!
# E2 - Super Detergent
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRE5091P6/super-detergent)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Congratulations!
Employment!!"
**[01:47] Osomatsu**
U-Um...
**[01:48] Dad**
NEETS!
**[01:50] Dad**
Do you understand what's going on?
Your mother and I are very angry with you.
**[01:54] Mom**
Yes, we're getting annoyed.
**[01:56] Dad**
Yes, we're getting annoyed.
**[01:59] Dad**
Osomatsu!
**[02:01] Dad**
Tell us why we're so angry.
**[02:04] Osomatsu**
Huh? Uh, well...
**[02:07] Osomatsu**
Did we do anything to make you mad?
**[02:11] Osomatsu**
Um... Oh! Because we're virgins?
**[02:14] Dad**
Dear?
**[02:15] Mom**
Yup.
**[02:27] Mom**
Your nipples are gone, Osomatsu.
**[02:29] Dad**
I'm beginning to like this, dear.
**[02:30] Mom**
I am, too, dear.
**[02:32] Dad**
Ichimatsu.
**[02:33] Dad**
What about you?
**[02:35] Dad**
Have you done anything to upset us?
**[02:40] Mom**
Well? Can you think of anything?
**[02:44] Ichi**
Oh, I got it.
**[02:46] Ichi**
The tuna cans.
**[02:48] Ichi**
The cans of tuna stocked under the sink.
**[02:50] Ichi**
You must be mad because I gave one
of them to a stray cat without asking.
**[02:55] Ichi**
Sorry.
**[02:55] Dad**
Dear?
**[02:56] Mom**
Yup.
**[03:00] Mom**
No, that's not it at all.
**[03:01] Dad**
Definitely not it. Next, Jyushimatsu.
**[03:05] Dad**
What about you?
**[03:08] Jyushimatsu**
B-Because we aren't working.
**[03:10] Dad**
Oyo?
**[03:10] Mom**
Oyoyo?
**[03:11] Jyushimatsu**
Because even though we're adults
well over twenty, we're still unemployed.
**[03:16] Jyushi**
Sorry! So sorry!
**[03:17] Jyushi**
So sorry about that!
**[03:19] Dad**
So long as you understand, Jyushimatsu.
**[03:22] Mom**
Thank goodness. I'm relieved.
**[03:25] Choro**
Thank goodness.
**[03:27] Kara**
You saved us.
**[03:28] Todo**
Nice, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[03:29] Dad**
And?
**[03:30] Four**
Huh?
**[03:30] Dad**
And when are you going to start working?
**[03:33] Jyushimatsu**
Oh... Uh...
**[03:35] Jyushi**
In about five years, I think.
**[03:37] Dad**
Dear?
**[03:37] Mom**
Yup.
**[03:40] Three**
No!
**[03:42] Mom**
So close.
**[03:43] Dad**
Karamatsu.
**[03:45] Dad**
What about you? When are you
going to start working?
**[03:47] Kara**
I'm going to start today, of course.
**[03:49] Dad**
Oyo?
**[03:50] Mom**
Oyoyo?
**[03:51] Kara**
But of course.
**[03:53] Kara**
We've lived so long in obscurity...
**[03:55] Kara**
But it appears the time has come to show
the world what we're truly made of!
**[03:59] Kara**
Job hunting? Very well, I accept!
**[04:02] Kara**
I won't run away! Nay, I will not run away!
**[04:05] Kara**
Behold my awakened form and watch
over me, Mommy and Dadd—
**[04:11] Mom**
I respect your resolve,
but the way you talk pisses me off.
**[04:15] Dad**
What about you, Todomatsu?
**[04:17] Dad**
What kind of job are you
going to be starting today?
**[04:20] Dad**
Todomatsu.
**[04:23] Mom**
Totty.
**[04:28] Todo**
Hell if I know, you morons.
**[04:31] Todo**
I don't know!
**[04:33] Todo**
I don't want to experience anything
bothersome ever in my whole life.
**[04:37] Todo**
Bye.
**[04:39] Choro**
*He did it himself?!*
**[04:41] Choro**
*How beautiful!*
**[04:42] Dad**
Well, see you, Choromatsu.
**[04:45] Dad**
We're leaving the rest up to you.
**[04:47] Mom**
We're counting on you, Choromatsu.
**[04:57] Oso**
The hell? What the hell was all that about?
**[05:00] Oso**
Is the fact that we aren't
looking for jobs *that* bad?
**[05:03] Todo**
Our parents are so selfish! They could
afford to take care of us a little longer!
**[05:07] Jyushi**
Give us back our nipples!
**[05:09] Oso**
What's the matter, Choromatsu?
**[05:11] Choro**
Why was I the only one spared?
**[05:13] Oso**
Ah, the violence known as
"expectation." Must be rough.
**[05:19] Choro**
This is all your fault!
**[05:20] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:21] Choro**
It's because you, the eldest,
can't get his shit together
**[05:24] Choro**
that it's all come down to me!
**[05:26] Oso**
Oh, no. I've successfully kept running
away from all that stuff this whole time.
**[05:30] Oso**
Things are finally starting to pan out.
**[05:33] Oso**
Our parents are starting to give up on me.
**[05:35] Choro**
Huh?!
**[05:35] Todo**
That's some way to look at it...
**[05:37] Oso**
Let me tell you that anyone
can become a failure...
**[05:41] Oso**
but it takes hard work to
become a piece of shit.
**[05:43] Choro**
The hell are you talking about?!
**[05:44] Oso**
Ow! I'm against violence!
**[05:46] Todo**
Ow! Why me?!
**[05:48] Kara**
Why you?!
**[05:53] Choro**
Seriously, we just need to start working.
**[05:55] Choro**
At this rate, we're really
going to get kicked out.
**[05:58] Ichi**
Let's die.
**[06:02] Todo**
Then why don't we try streaming?
**[06:04] Five**
Streaming?
**[06:05] Todo**
Yup. We'll all take videos of something
and upload them to the internet.
***SIGN*** Totty
Channel
**[06:08] Todo**
If we can get enough views,
it'll turn into money.
**[06:10] Five**
Huh...
**[06:11] Todo**
Wait, you've never heard of it? I'm shocked.
**[06:13] Oso**
Uh, I'm more amazed that
you have your own channel.
**[06:17] Choro**
Streaming, huh...
That might not be a bad idea.
**[06:20] Kara**
That sounds like something we can do.
**[06:22] Jyushi**
Easy peasy!
**[06:23] Oso**
Let's give it a shot.
**[06:25] Ichi**
No, let's die.
**[06:27] Todo**
Okay. You can start at any time.
**[06:30] Choro**
It's already going?
**[06:32] Todo**
Yup. We're currently streaming worldwide.
**[06:36] Oso**
Hey, I'm Osomatsu!
**[06:38] Oso**
Let's have some oden with a ton of mustard!
**[06:40] Todo**
Wait, seriously?!
**[06:41] Oso**
Let's dig... in!
**[06:46] Jyushi**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
I'm gonna do something funny.
**[06:50] Jyushi**
I'm Odenman!
**[06:52] Kara**
So you've shown yourself,
Odenman! Take this!
**[06:55] Kara**
Nipple Beam!
**[06:57] Jyushi**
Aiyee! Stop!
**[06:58] Jyushi**
Save me, Completely Naked Man!
**[06:59] Ichi**
Huh?
**[07:00] Ichi**
You called?
**[07:01] Oso**
Hey, no fair! I'm gonna be
Completely Naked Man too, then!
**[07:04] Kara**
No fair! Completely Naked Man!
**[07:06] Jyushi**
Yeah! Completely Naked Man!
**[07:08] Choro**
You somehow always end up
with your clothes off...
**[07:14] Totty**
Hey, everyone! I'm Totty!
**[07:16] Totty**
I'm currently looking for a girlfriend!
**[07:17] Oso**
Hey! Why are you trying to be all popular?!
**[07:21] Totty**
I have no idea who these people are.
**[07:23] Oso**
Hey!
**[07:24] Kara**
Hey, do something, Choromatsu.
**[07:25] Ichi**
What? You're gonna eat
oden through your ass?
**[07:28] Oso**
Seriously?!
**[07:28] Choro**
Like I could! Wait, stop, hey!
**[07:30] Choro**
It's not possible! Hey!
**[07:36] Oso**
Cheers!
**[07:38] All**
Cheers!
**[07:40] Oso**
Man... We finally got a job.
**[07:43] Choro**
Yeah, we totally did.
**[07:45] Kara**
So starting today,
our job will be streaming. Not bad.
**[07:49] Todo**
We finally found a steady job!
**[07:50] Jyushi**
We're gonna make money!
**[07:51] Ichi**
We'll show them...
**[08:09] Choro**
So cold.
**[08:11] Choro**
Hey, guys. Hey!
**[08:14] Ichi**
I'm thirsty...
**[08:16] Oso**
Totty.
**[08:18] Oso**
How many views did we get?
**[08:20] Oso**
100K? A million?
**[08:23] Todo**
Let's see...
**[08:24] Todo**
Oh. Looks like we got reported.
***SIGN*** Video not found
**[08:27] Todo**
Our video's been deleted.
**[08:28] Five**
Huh?
**[08:33] Oso**
What the hell? We're already out of a job?
**[08:37] Kara**
And after we finally found a job, too...
**[08:43] Todo**
Well, you know. Working is hard and stuff.
**[08:46] Choro**
It's not something you can
do so easily after all.
**[08:54] Oso**
Guess we have no choice.
We're gonna have to do this for real.
**[08:57] All**
Huh?
**[08:58] Oso**
Let's show them...
exactly what we're made of.
**[09:04] All**
Yeah!
***SIGN*** Employment Office
***SIGN*** Consultation Corner
**[09:47] Guy**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[09:49] Six**
What?!
**[09:50] Oso**
Why not?! We just lost our jobs!
***SIGN*** Let's live happily!
**[09:53] Oso**
You get unemployment when
you lose your job, right?!
**[09:55] Guy**
Please leave.
**[09:56] Choro**
It's true! We got a job yesterday,
and lost it this morning!
**[10:00] Guy**
Leave.
**[10:01] Kara**
That's messed up, Japan!
**[10:02] Guy**
You're the ones who are messed up.
**[10:03] Todo**
The heck's wrong with you, Japan?!
**[10:05] Guy**
What's wrong with all of you?
**[10:06] Both**
What? We can't get unemployment?
**[10:09] Oso**
This is so messed up!
**[10:10] Guy**
You're the ones who are messed up!
**[10:11] Six**
Die, Japan!
**[10:13] Guy**
All of you can die!
***SIGN*** Comments
***SIGN*** [Hell] NEET Sextuplets Gone Wild Stream ~Employment Office~
***SIGN*** Viewing:
***SIGN*** End
**[10:21] Chibita**
Holy crap.
***SIGN*** "Super Detergent"
**[10:32] Iyami**
There's a party today!
**[10:34] Iyami**
Me wonders if there's a cutie
there befitting of me.
**[10:37] Iyami**
Bonjour, mademoiselle!
**[10:40] Iyami**
Beautiful flowers have thorns...
**[10:42] Iyami**
It appears that me has been
pricked by one of those thorns.
**[10:44] Iyami**
"Oh, Iyami-san!" Just kidding!
**[10:54] Boy**
Sorry, Mister.
**[10:55] Boy**
Could you get our ball?
**[10:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[11:03] Boy**
What the heck was that for?
**[11:05] Iyami**
This is how the world works.
Me hopes you learned something.
**[11:10] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sheeeh!
**[11:13] Iyami**
Me can't go to the party now...
**[11:16] Iyami**
It won't come off. Me won't make it in time.
**[11:20] Deka**
No need to worry.
**[11:23] Deka**
Just a moment.
**[11:24] Deka**
That's strange... I'm sure I put
it next to this gold ball...
**[11:27] Deka**
Oh, I remember!
**[11:30] Iyami**
It stinks!
**[11:31] Deka**
This is a magical detergent that gets rid
of any stubborn stain in an instant.
**[11:37] Deka**
It's super detergent.
**[11:39] Iyami**
Super detergent?
**[11:41] Deka**
You pour this on a stain,
like this, and then...
**[11:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[11:47] Deka**
And just like that, it's gone!
**[11:49] Deka**
Nothing on the market can compare!
**[11:52] Deka**
But you need to be careful.
It's very potent.
**[11:56] Deka**
If you use it the wrong way,
it could be very dangerous...
**[11:59] Deka**
Oh?
**[12:03] Iyami**
Now me will make it in time for the party!
**[12:05] Iyami**
This must be because me
is always such a good boy!
**[12:07] Oso**
Hey, it's Iyami.
**[12:09] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Of all people...
**[12:11] Oso**
Whatcha doin'?
**[12:12] Iyami**
Oh, hello, Todomatsu.
**[12:14] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[12:15] Iyami**
Ah, hello, Jyushimatsu.
**[12:17] Oso**
I said I'm Osomatsu.
You seriously don't remember, do you?
**[12:20] Todo**
Are you headed somewhere?
You look fancy today.
**[12:24] Iyami**
M-Me is just on a walk.
**[12:26] Kara**
A walk? Are you sure?
**[12:29] Iyami**
Just on a walk...
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[12:30] Ichi**
Really?
**[12:31] Iyami**
A walk! Me is very busy, you know!
**[12:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Stop following me!
**[12:45] Choro**
You're acting suspicious.
You're going somewhere, aren't you?
**[12:47] Ichi**
You said yourself that you're busy,
so you're not on a walk.
**[12:53] Oso**
Well? Iyami-kun?
**[12:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[13:00] Six**
Hey! Wait up!
***SIGN*** Crystal
***SIGN*** All Japan
Overbite General Meeting
**[13:12] Iyami**
Wow, you must be rich!
**[13:14] Ichi**
So good.
**[13:15] Jyushi**
So good! This salmon is awesome!
**[13:18] Kara**
There's even champagne, Totty.
**[13:19] Totty**
Thanks.
**[13:20] Choro**
What the heck? I guess we don't
need to work to eat like this.
**[13:24] Oso**
Yeah, no kidding.
**[13:26] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
**[13:30] Iyami**
Wh-Where's the bathroom?
**[13:32] Kara**
Oh? I've spotted a tasty-looking adult beverage.
**[13:35] Jyushi**
Wanna try it?
**[13:40] Ichi**
Come on, you maggots.
You want to drink mine, don't you?
**[13:44] All**
Yes, sir, we do!
**[13:46] Ichi**
What are we drinking, anyway?
**[13:47] Kara**
I'm too drunk to tell.
**[13:53] Oso**
Well, see ya, Iyami.
**[13:54] All**
Bye-bye!
**[13:57] Iyami**
They aren't human...
**[14:01] Iyami**
Where's the detergent?! Where'd it go?
**[14:04] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sheeeh?
***SIGN*** Crystal
**[14:10] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:13] Oso**
Man, we're drunk.
**[14:15] Choro**
We sure are.
**[14:16] Jyushi**
It was yummy!
**[14:17] Ichi**
I'm glad to be alive.
**[14:19] Kara**
I'm so full.
**[14:20] Totty**
What am I going to do if I get fat?
**[14:22] Kara**
Hey, come on, Jyushimatsu.
You're way too drunk.
**[14:25] Jyu**
Huh?
**[14:26] Kara**
You're so drunk, look...
**[14:27] Kara**
You're becoming see-through.
**[14:29] Jyu**
Huh? Oh, you're right.
I'm becoming see-through.
**[14:33] Todo**
Well, so are you, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[14:36] Ichi**
You are, too, Totty.
**[14:37] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:38] Todo**
What?! When did this happen?!
**[14:46] Kara**
What the hell? What's going on?
**[14:48] Jyushi**
Why? Why's my body see-through?!
**[14:51] Oso**
Huh?! What is this?
**[14:53] Ichi**
What's going on?
**[14:55] Choro**
We're becoming even more invisible!
We're becoming even more invisible!
**[14:58] Jyu**
Are we just going to disappear like this? No!
**[15:02] Kara**
We're becoming invisible!
**[15:03] Oso**
We're becoming invisible!
**[15:04] Ichi**
We're becoming invisible!
**[15:05] Todo**
We're becoming invisible!
**[15:11] Six**
Huh?
**[15:13] Both**
We didn't become completely invisible!
**[15:15] Kara**
Why?! It just stopped!
**[15:17] Todo**
What's going on?!
**[15:18] Todo**
Shouldn't this end up with us
becoming completely invisible,
**[15:21] Todo**
spying on some girl in the bath,
***SIGN*** Hot Springs
**[15:23] Todo**
the invisibility suddenly wearing off,
and us panicking?
**[15:25] Todo**
Isn't that the usual pattern?!
**[15:28] Ichi**
Why did it stop halfway?
This is just inconvenient.
**[15:32] Oso**
Holy crap, this is annoying!
**[15:34] All**
So annoying!
**[15:36] Todo**
Not to mention gross!
**[15:37] Both**
Gross!
**[15:39] Todo**
Hey, look! Osomatsu-niisan's organs...
**[15:42] Todo**
Don't they look super sloppy?
It's like they're not even trying...
**[15:46] All**
Wow, you're right.
**[15:48] Oso**
Hey! Stop looking at my organs!
**[15:50] Oso**
It's embarrassing somehow...
**[15:51] Choro**
Now look at my excellent
organs in comparison!
**[15:56] Todo**
Wow! They're really well-arranged!
**[15:58] Todo**
They almost look like a display.
**[16:00] Ichi**
But isn't that kinda boring?
**[16:02] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:03] Jyushi**
Yeah. Your organs are really
boring, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[16:06] Choro**
I'm not quite sure why
I'm being attacked here...
**[16:09] Kara**
Here's how mine look.
**[16:11] Oso**
Why is your heart a disco ball?!
**[16:13] Todo**
What the hell?!
**[16:14] Kara**
Haha!
**[16:16] Choro**
What about you, Jyushimatsu?
**[16:17] Jyushi**
Me?
**[16:18] Jyshi**
This is what mine look like.
**[16:20] Todo**
Whoa! His organs are laughing!
**[16:22] Kara**
What's going on?!
**[16:23] Choro**
Even his organs are Jyushimatsu!
**[16:24] Kara**
What's going on?!
**[16:26] Jyushi**
I wonder what that means!
**[16:27] Todo**
Mine are normal.
**[16:29] Ichi**
Oh. You're right.
**[16:32] Choro**
No, wait! He doesn't have a heart!
**[16:34] Four**
What?!
**[16:36] Oso**
He has no heart!
**[16:37] Oso**
Where did you drop your
precious heart, Todomatsu?!
**[16:40] Todo**
Oh, you're right!
**[16:41] Todo**
This is hilarious!
**[16:42] Ichi**
H-He's smiling...
**[16:43] Choro**
I knew he was heartless, but...
**[16:46] Oso**
What about Ichimatsu?
**[16:47] Ichi**
Huh? Don't worry about mine...
**[16:49] Choro**
No! Show us!
**[16:51] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[16:51] Oso**
Show us, Ichimatsu!
**[16:55] Ichi**
S-Stop...
**[16:57] Todo**
Whoa, what is this?
***SIGN*** Caution: Fragile
**[17:00] Todo**
So delicate...
**[17:02] Oso**
He's always emitting a dark aura,
**[17:04] Oso**
but maybe he just gets hurt really easily.
***SIGN*** Caution: Fragile
**[17:07] Oso**
Holy crap, it cracked! I'm so sorry!
**[17:11] Oso**
But, man... I know we're sextuplets,
but I guess we really are all different.
**[17:17] Todo**
Yeah...
**[17:18] Four**
Yeah...
**[17:22] Choro**
Wait, seriously! What are we gonna do?!
**[17:24] Choro**
"We really are all different," my ass!
**[17:26] Choro**
What are we going to do?
We can't live like this!
**[17:28] Todo**
Well, we can't go out looking like this.
**[17:31] Kara**
I don't mind going out looking like this.
**[17:33] Choro**
*You* don't.
**[17:35] Oso**
What should we do?
**[17:37] Jyushi**
Hey, guys.
**[17:39] Jyushi**
Wanna paint ourselves with paint?
**[17:41] All**
Good idea!
**[17:44] Jysuhimatsu**
Do a good job.
**[17:45] Oso**
Stay still.
**[17:46] Todo**
We need to paint his clothes, too.
**[17:48] All**
There! All done!
**[17:53] Jyushi**
Huh?! Do I look this bad?!
**[17:55] Five**
Yeah.
**[17:57] Jyushi**
I look like this?!
**[17:58] Five**
Yup.
**[17:59] Jyushi**
This bad?!
**[18:00] Five**
That bad.
**[18:01] Jyushi**
That's not good!
**[18:02] Five**
Nope.
**[18:03] Ichi**
I-If you would...
**[18:04] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan is so easy to draw!
**[18:07] Kara**
He's got something that stands out.
**[18:09] Five**
Okay! All done!
**[18:13] Ichi**
Wait, do I seriously look this bad?
**[18:15] Five**
Yeah.
**[18:16] Ichi**
I look like this?
**[18:17] Five**
Yup.
**[18:19] Ichi**
This bad?
**[18:19] Five**
That bad.
**[18:21] Ichi**
That's not good.
**[18:22] Five**
Nope.
**[18:24] Kara**
I'm counting on you, Totty.
Recreate my coolness.
**[18:27] Todo**
Yeah, sure.
**[18:29] Todo**
I'm done.
**[18:32] Kara**
Totty! Draw me properly!
**[18:35] Todo**
Well, we can tell it's you,
right? That's plenty, isn't it?
**[18:37] Kara**
You need to have more interest in others!
**[18:39] Oso**
Todomatsu! You need to draw him properly.
**[18:41] Oso**
Look at how I drew Choromatsu!
Isn't it perfect?
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[18:46] Todo**
It's perfect! That's totally Choromatsu-niisan!
**[18:50] Choro**
Hey! You shitty eldest brother!
**[18:53] Jyushi**
Who's next? Totty?
**[18:55] Totty**
Oh, I'm fine. I'll draw myself.
**[18:57] Kara**
Don't be like that. I'll draw you.
**[18:59] Totty**
Don't touch me. I'll do it.
**[19:01] Kara**
Huh?
**[19:03] Totty**
Okay, all done!
**[19:06] Totty**
I'm Totty!
**[19:07] All**
Gross!
**[19:09] Choro**
Did your eyelashes always look like that?
**[19:10] Totty**
My potential is on another level.
**[19:12] Kara**
Good grief. You love yourself
entirely too much, Todomatsu.
**[19:15] Ichi**
Did that just come out of your mouth?!
**[19:17] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan is the only one left.
**[19:19] Oso**
Hurry, hurry! Why am I last, anyway?
**[19:22] Jyu**
Here we go.
**[19:23] Oso**
Okay!
**[19:26] Oso**
Huh? What's wrong?
**[19:28] Oso**
Hurry up and draw me.
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[19:30] Todo**
Well...
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[19:33] Todo**
We can't remember what your face looks like.
**[19:35] Four**
Yeah...
**[19:36] Oso**
What?! What's that supposed to mean?
**[19:38] Todo**
Wait, what did Osomatsu-niisan look like?
**[19:42] Oso**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[19:43] Choro**
He's too normal...
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[19:46] Oso**
Hey! Don't call me normal!
**[19:46] Kara**
He doesn't have any distinguishing features.
**[19:48] Oso**
Hey!
**[19:49] Ichi**
He's so obscure...
**[19:50] Oso**
Hey!
**[19:51] Todo**
He's just so plain...
**[19:52] Oso**
Don't use the word "plain"!
**[19:54] Jyushi**
Basically, he doesn't stand out.
**[19:56] Oso**
Stop it!
**[19:57] Oso**
Just hurry up and draw me, damn it!
**[19:59] Todo**
Well, I guess anything works.
**[20:00] Oso**
No, it doesn't work! Draw me properly!
**[20:02] Choro**
Okay, okay. I guess when
it comes down to it,
**[20:04] Choro**
we just have to draw him to look
like a stupid, pervy piece of shit, right?
**[20:08] Todo**
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not a failure, but a piece of shit.
**[20:11] Oso**
No, really. You don't need to
joke right now. Just draw me!
**[20:15] Five**
We're done!
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[20:18] Todo**
Yeah, he definitely looks like a
stupid, pervy, trashy, piece of shit.
**[20:21] Oso**
Just you wait, you bastards...
**[20:26] Oso**
Wait, this actually looks like me!
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[20:29] Oso**
This isn't even a punchline!
**[20:30] Oso**
I actually look like this!
**[20:32] Choro**
Huh? Is that what you look like,
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[20:34] Oso**
Yeah, this is pretty much what I look like!
**[20:36] Oso**
Why is it that when you draw
me as a stupid, pervy
**[20:38] Oso**
piece of shit, it actually looks like me?!
**[20:40] Ichi**
Spitting image? Thank goodness.
**[20:42] Oso**
Screw you guys!
**[20:46] Mom**
Shut up, you stupid NEETS!
What do you think you're doing?!
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[20:50] Mom**
I'm watching my DVDs right now. Quiet down!
**[20:54] Mom**
Honestly...
**[20:55] Choro**
Huh? Mom?
**[20:57] Mom**
What?
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[20:58] Choro**
Er, uh... Haven't you noticed anything?
**[21:02] Choro**
Isn't there something strange about us?
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[21:05] All**
Yeah, yeah.
**[21:09] Mom**
Not really.
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[21:10] All**
Huh?
**[21:11] Dad**
Hey, what's the matter?
**[21:13] Six**
Dad!
**[21:14] Choro**
Hey, do you notice anything
strange about us?
**[21:20] Dad**
What do you mean?
**[21:23] Totoko**
What? Something different?
**[21:26] Totoko**
Not really.
**[21:28] Hata**
Jo? You're the same as usual, jo.
**[21:31] Dayon**
Nothing's strange at all!
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[21:36] Iyami**
Huh?
**[21:37] Iyami**
You're the same as usual.
**[21:39] Iyami**
From the right, Jyushimatsu,
Ichimatsu, Karamatsu,
***SIGN*** Fappy
**[21:43] Iyami**
Choromatsu, Todomatsu, and Osomatsu.
**[21:47] Iyami**
Honestly...
**[21:49] Kara**
Hey... No one's noticing...
**[21:52] Jyushi**
Even though we look like this...
**[21:53] Oso**
Which means this is how
everyone usually sees us...
**[21:58] Choro**
Hey! Don't say that!
***SIGN*** Fappy
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Challenge" etc.
**[23:49] Ichi**
Apparently they're airing
this thing again next week.
**[23:51] Ichi**
This anime just doesn't know
when to give up, does it?
# E3 - Totoko's Challenge
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR49W74Q6/totokos-challenge)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Cavematsu-san
**[00:08] All**
Cavematsu-san!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu and Ichimatsu"
**[05:00] Kara**
I'm gonna die.
**[05:02] ---**
So gonna die.
**[05:04] Jyu**
So hungry...
**[05:06] Todo**
Hungry...
**[05:07] Oso**
I'm starving. Someone make me some food.
**[05:11] Kara**
Looks like this is the end of the line.
**[05:14] Kara**
Goodbye, Karamatsu Girls.
**[05:17] Choro**
Shut up!
**[05:20] Choro**
This household is seriously
the lowest of the low.
**[05:24] Todo**
Hey, Choromatsu-niisan, I'm hungry.
**[05:27] Choro**
Then go make something.
**[05:29] Kara**
Where's Mommy?
**[05:30] Choro**
Probably out somewhere.
**[05:32] Jyushi**
Aw, but I'm hungry.
**[05:34] Oso**
Oh, hey. I've got a great idea.
**[05:36] Both**
Huh?
**[05:38] Oso**
Why don't we go play some pachinko instead?
**[05:41] ---**
Oh, I get it. Instead!
**[05:43] Kara**
Pachinko instead, huh?
**[05:45] Oso**
Isn't that more awesome instead?
**[05:46] Jyushi**
It is awesome instead.
**[05:48] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[05:50] Jyu**
What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[05:51] Ichi**
Not going.
**[05:52] Jyu**
Why?
**[05:53] Ichi**
I'll pass for today. Besides,
if I go, you're going to lose.
**[05:57] Ichi**
You want that?
**[05:57] Jyu**
Keep an eye on the house.
**[06:00] Choro**
Honestly...
**[06:08] Choro**
*Wait, is Ichimatsu the only one left?*
**[06:10] Ichi**
*I'm stuck with him? Seriously?*
**[06:13] Choro**
* I let my guard down. This is a rare*
* pairing that never really happens.*
**[06:18] Ichi**
* I don't know what to say.*
* I don't hate him or anything, but like...*
**[06:24] Ichi**
*It's just super awkward.*
**[06:26] Choro**
*This is like that one pattern...*
**[06:30] Choro**
* When we're all together, we can joke*
* around about the dumbest things.*
**[06:37] Choro**
*And then suddenly... It's just me and him?*
**[06:41] Choro**
* It's fine when we're all together,*
* but when it's just us two, it's a bit weird.*
**[06:43] Choro**
* I don't know what to say.*
* What is there to say?*
**[06:45] Choro**
*What do we have in common?*
**[06:46] Choro**
* How many stations are left?*
* And stuff like that...*
**[06:49] Choro**
*That's the situation we're in now...*
**[06:51] Ichi**
* Since we're brothers...*
* No, it's the opposite.*
**[06:54] Ichi**
* It's because we're brothers*
* that it stands out so much...*
**[06:56] Ichi**
*This...*
**[06:57] Choro**
*...awkward feeling.*
***SIGN*** Glare
***SIGN*** Stare
**[07:17] Both**
*It's no use... I can't think of anything to say.*
**[07:22] Choro**
* And everyone was so rowdy*
* just a minute ago...*
**[07:24] Ichi**
*Everything was so peaceful,*
**[07:26] Ichi**
* but this awkwardness just*
* sets in out of nowhere.*
**[07:29] Choro**
*I wonder how he feels...*
**[07:32] Ichi**
Hey.
**[07:34] Ichi**
Mind if I turn on the TV?
**[07:36] Choro**
Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, sure.
**[07:40] Choro**
You can turn on the TV.
**[07:42] Ichi**
Thanks.
**[07:46] Choro**
*He's actually being considerate!*
**[07:48] Choro**
* He actually asked if it was*
* okay to turn on the TV!*
**[07:51] Choro**
*Do people usually even ask that?!*
**[07:54] Ichi**
* Crap. Why did I ask him if it*
* was okay to turn on the TV?*
**[07:59] Ichi**
* You don't ask friends that,*
* let alone brothers.*
**[08:03] Ichi**
*Wait, I don't have any friends.*
**[08:05] Ichi**
*I'm just a loner who's always by himself...*
**[08:07] Ichi**
*Who are you calling a loner?! Shut up!*
**[08:09] Ichi**
*No... Talking to myself won't help.*
**[08:12] Ichi**
*I need to talk to him right now.*
**[08:14] Choro**
Hey.
**[08:15] Ichi**
Huh?
**[08:15] Choro**
How are things lately?
**[08:17] Ichi**
Huh? Lately?
**[08:19] Choro**
Yeah, lately.
**[08:21] Ichi**
What do you mean?
**[08:22] Choro**
What do you mean, what do I mean?
**[08:24] Ichi**
Huh?
**[08:24] Choro**
Huh?
**[08:26] Ichi**
Hmm?
**[08:27] Choro**
Huh?
**[08:29] Both**
Huh?
**[08:33] Ichi**
Hey.
**[08:34] Choro**
Huh?
**[08:35] Ichi**
So, today... is a really nice day, huh?
**[08:38] Choro**
Oh... yeah...
***SIGN*** Low
***SIGN*** High
**[08:40] Ichi**
I wonder if it'll be sunny tomorrow, too.
**[08:42] Choro**
Not sure...
**[08:44] Ichi**
What about the day after?
***SIGN*** Tomorrow
**[08:45] Choro**
Not sure...
**[08:47] Ichi**
The weather is like... so... weathery.
**[08:52] Choro**
Yeah.
**[08:57] Ichi**
* It's no use. This whole*
* conversation's messed up.*
**[08:59] Ichi**
* I've reached my limit.*
* I'm going to retreat upstairs.*
***SIGN*** Manga
**[09:16] Ichi**
* What the hell is this?!*
* I said I was at my limit already!*
**[09:19] Choro**
*Someone, anyone, come home already!*
**[09:21] Choro**
*A joke... Someone say some stupid-ass joke!*
**[09:25] Choro**
*Change the flow of things! The flow!*
**[09:30] Choro**
* I'm sorry, Ichimatsu.*
* I can't even retort right now.*
**[09:33] Choro**
*I'm so sorry.*
**[09:35] Ichi**
Look... I think that's enough.
**[09:37] Choro**
Huh?
**[09:38] Ichi**
I'm just gonna come out and say it.
This is really awkward, right?
**[09:42] Choro**
Yeah, it's really awkward.
**[09:44] Ichi**
It's creepy, right?
**[09:45] Choro**
It is.
**[09:46] Ichi**
Let's stop this.
**[09:47] Choro**
Yeah, let's stop.
**[09:51] Both**
So exhausted...
**[09:53] Ichi**
Why does it end up like this?
We're brothers.
**[09:56] Choro**
No idea. We might've turned a blind
eye to each other for too long.
**[10:01] Choro**
Hey, why don't we try
distancing ourselves a bit?
**[10:04] Ichi**
Distancing?
**[10:05] Choro**
Yeah. Like, put physical distance between us.
**[10:08] Ichi**
I see.
**[10:12] Choro**
Can you try talking like you usually
do from there? And be honest.
**[10:16] Ichi**
Be honest?
**[10:19] Ichi**
Hey, you, Fappymatsu!
You fapping piece of shit!
**[10:22] Ichi**
Stop chasing all that underground
idol tail, you virgin among virgins!
**[10:25] Ichi**
Ooh... I can be honest at this distance.
**[10:28] Choro**
Hey, you, Darkmatsu! Stop being
so insane, you reserve criminal!
**[10:31] Choro**
And despite that, your heart is fragile
as glass! Just how annoying are you?!
**[10:35] Choro**
Oh, I can be honest.
**[10:37] Ichi**
All right. Let's try moving closer.
**[10:39] Choro**
Okay.
**[10:44] Choro**
Well, this is a bit uncomfortable.
**[10:46] Ichi**
Indeed.
**[10:47] Choro**
Actually, I'm sorry for saying
that mean stuff before.
**[10:50] Ichi**
No, no. I'm sorry.
**[10:52] Ichi**
Please forget everything I just said.
**[10:57] Choro**
Wait, do you hate me?
**[10:58] Ichi**
Huh?
**[11:00] Choro**
Do you hate me?
**[11:02] Ichi**
You don't mince words, huh?
**[11:03] Choro**
Yeah, let's just be straightforward.
Do you hate me?
**[11:06] Ichi**
Hate? Nah...
**[11:08] Choro**
You hesitated, didn't you? I was slightly
hoping you'd deny that instantly...
**[11:13] Ichi**
It's not that I hate you.
I mean, we're brothers.
**[11:16] Ichi**
I cannot say I have such feelings.
**[11:18] Choro**
And now you're talking overly formally.
**[11:20] Ichi**
Maybe I'm scared.
**[11:21] Choro**
Scared? Why?
**[11:23] Ichi**
Because you actually try to be proper.
**[11:25] Ichi**
You actually go job hunting
and get angry at us.
**[11:28] Ichi**
Even if you aren't completely proper,
the fact that you actually try to be proper?
**[11:32] Ichi**
Seeing that makes me feel
**[11:33] Ichi**
like I'm a completely different species.
**[11:36] Choro**
What? That's not true.
**[11:38] Choro**
I'm also a good-for-nothing.
**[11:39] Ichi**
Nah...
**[11:41] Choro**
See? I'm not scary!
**[11:43] Ichi**
Nah, nah, nah...
**[11:43] Choro**
We're brothers, so let's just get along!
**[11:46] Ichi**
Scary! How can you say stuff
like that so naturally?!
**[11:50] Ichi**
And what was that book you
were reading earlier?
**[11:52] Choro**
Oh, this? A book on how
to get various qualifications.
***SIGN*** Qualifications
**[11:55] Ichi**
Whoa, scary! Qualifications?!
**[11:58] Ichi**
You're just some serious person!
**[11:59] Ichi**
Serious people are scary!
**[12:01] Choro**
Well, if you're going to be like that,
you scare me, too.
**[12:04] Ichi**
Huh? Why?
**[12:06] Choro**
The way you're, like... super dark?
Your aura of everlasting darkness?
**[12:09] Choro**
You live every day loathing all
happiness in this world, don't you?
**[12:12] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[12:12] Choro**
You don't even have anyone to swear revenge on,
**[12:14] Choro**
but you live for revenge, don't you?
**[12:16] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[12:17] Choro**
What's your favorite phrase?
**[12:19] Ichi**
I'll kill you all.
**[12:20] Choro**
What do you want to be?
**[12:21] Ichi**
A prison guard.
**[12:22] Choro**
You know that's scary, right?
**[12:24] Ichi**
You've got me all wrong. I'm pretty normal.
**[12:26] Choro**
Nah...
**[12:28] Ichi**
Come on. I'm not scary at all...
**[12:30] Choro**
No, no, no, no...
**[12:31] Choro**
See? That right there!
**[12:33] Ichi**
Let's work together
**[12:34] Ichi**
and kill those bastards someday.
**[12:37] Choro**
That's scary! Who are "those bastards," exactly?
**[12:40] Choro**
I can't shake the feeling that it
includes me, and it's scary as hell!
**[12:46] Choro**
What should we do?
**[12:48] Ichi**
I don't know...
**[12:49] Choro**
But you're mistaken about one thing.
**[12:51] Choro**
To be honest, I don't care
at all about qualifications.
**[12:54] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:55] Choro**
Truthfully, I want to become
a manager for an idol.
**[12:59] Choro**
I want to get as close to them as I can,
**[13:02] Choro**
and then somehow get them to go out with me.
**[13:04] Ichi**
You really are a shitty
virgin bastard, huh?
**[13:06] Choro**
Yeah, I am. Do you feel better now?
**[13:08] Ichi**
I do.
**[13:10] Ichi**
Actually...
**[13:11] Ichi**
I have something like the thing I showed you
earlier, but it's really a Halloween prop.
**[13:16] Choro**
Huh?
**[13:17] Ichi**
I wouldn't be able to go
to Shibuya or anything,
**[13:19] Ichi**
but I thought about doing
something at home.
**[13:21] Choro**
You're actually interested in Halloween?
You're a totally normal young person.
**[13:26] Ichi**
I'm a domestic party peep.
**[13:28] Choro**
What kind of cheesy-ass title is that?
**[13:30] Ichi**
Do you feel better now?
**[13:31] Choro**
Yeah.
**[13:33] Choro**
Oh, and actually...
**[13:34] Choro**
I want an idol to write "I love you"
in ketchup on omelet rice for me.
**[13:38] Ichi**
I want to have fun with those things you
call "friends" on that thing you call "Insta."
**[13:42] Choro**
I'm not even interested in their music.
**[13:44] Choro**
I just ogle them.
**[13:45] Ichi**
I want to have a fateful
encounter while snowboarding.
**[13:47] Choro**
I'm a nice guy.
**[13:49] Ichi**
I'm an even nicer guy.
**[13:50] Choro**
You're too much.
**[13:51] Ichi**
You, too.
**[14:02] Choro**
I think we were a bit too honest.
**[14:04] Ichi**
We should've held back.
**[14:07] Choro**
What do you want to do?
Wanna go out drinking once?
**[14:09] Ichi**
Just the two of us?
**[14:11] Choro**
Yeah.
**[14:14] Both**
Nope, nope, nope, nope!
**[14:15] Ichi**
It's too soon for that.
**[14:17] Choro**
And with just the two of us...
**[14:19] Ichi**
We only just met today.
**[14:21] Choro**
Yeah, it's our first day...
**[14:23] Ichi**
Do you want to go for a walk, then?
**[14:26] Choro**
Huh?
**[14:27] Both**
Nope, nope, nope, nope!
**[14:29] Choro**
Why don't we play some cards?
**[14:31] Ichi**
Want to watch a DVD?
**[14:34] Both**
Nope, nope, nope, nope!
**[14:37] Ichi**
What should we do?
I'm only interested in cats...
**[14:41] Choro**
Cats! Oh, so you like cats.
**[14:43] Ichi**
Yes.
**[14:44] Choro**
The idol I like is going for a "cat" image, too.
**[14:48] Ichi**
I see... Looks like we
have something in common.
**[14:50] Choro**
Yes.
**[14:52] Choro**
Why don't we go to a concert
together sometime?
**[14:54] Ichi**
No, that's okay. Would you like to
play with some cats in an alleyway?
**[14:59] Choro**
No, that's okay.
**[15:01] Ichi**
We don't have anything in common at all.
**[15:03] Choro**
And we're brothers, too... We're going to
be spending quite a long time together...
**[15:08] Ichi**
This is going to be hell for both of us.
**[15:15] Oso**
We're back.
**[15:16] Oso**
We gave it some thought and
realized we had no money.
**[15:18] Both**
Welcome home!
**[15:20] Oso**
Huh? Wh-What the heck?
**[15:22] Both**
Welcome home!
**[15:23] Kara**
Hey...
**[15:24] Jyushi**
What's wrong?
**[15:27] Todo**
What?
**[15:28] Both**
Welcome home!
***SIGN*** End
**[15:31] Todo**
Huh? Wow, you're creepy...
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Challenge"
**[15:36] Toto**
*Finally... Finally, this day has come.*
***SIGN*** Yowai
**[15:40] Toto**
* This fight that I can't lose,*
* where my pride is on the line...*
**[15:45] Toto**
*Yes.*
***SIGN*** Competitive Eating Queen
**[15:46] Toto**
*This Competitive Eating Queen Contest!*
**[15:48] Toto**
*It's fine... I should be able to win.*
**[15:51] Toto**
* I mean, I practiced so much*
* and said so many prayers!*
**[15:55] Toto**
* It's true that I'm surrounded*
* by ugly commoners...*
***SIGN*** Sono
***SIGN*** Aosaka
***SIGN*** Judy
**[15:58] Toto**
*Oh, I said that wrong.
I meant powerful opponents.*
**[16:01] Toto**
*But I'm the one who's going to win.*
**[16:02] Toto**
* My mom and dad are here*
* cheering me on, too.*
**[16:05] Dad**
Totoko!
**[16:07] Mom**
Give it all you've got!
**[16:09] Totoko**
*And those guys are here, too.*
**[16:11] Jyushi**
Totoko-chan!
**[16:13] Kara**
We've come to cheer you on, honey!
**[16:14] Todo**
You can do it!
**[16:15] Choro**
You're super cute!
**[16:17] Toto**
* And, most importantly,*
* Shouei-san has my back.*
***SIGN*** Chinese Food
**[16:22] Hata**
It's the MC, Shouei-san, jo.
**[16:25] Shouei**
Yes, hello, hello!
**[16:28] Shouei**
Hello, everyone! I'm Shouei!
**[16:36] Shouei**
With the power of love and passion,
I'll make this the best show in Japan...
***SIGN*** Shouei
**[16:39] Shouei**
no... in the world, with all of you!
**[16:42] Shouei**
I'm Shouei!
**[16:45] Iyami**
Shoueeeh!
**[16:47] Toto**
* That's Shouei-san for you...*
* He's so passionate.*
***SIGN*** Food
**[16:50] Toto**
* Okay! Shouei-san's passion can't top mine!*
* I'm going to eat everything!*
***SIGN*** Cafeteria
**[16:56] Shouei**
Hello, everyone!
**[16:59] Todo**
It's really him!
**[17:00] Jyushi**
Can I have your autograph?
**[17:01] Kara**
Come on, Shouei!
**[17:03] Toto**
*Ugh! What are you doing, you sextuplets?*
**[17:05] Toto**
*Stop bothering my Shouei-san!*
**[17:08] Chibi**
Hey, we're about to go live,
so give us a break, you idjit.
**[17:12] Todo**
What?
**[17:12] Shouei**
I don't mind signing autographs.
**[17:14] Both**
Huh?
**[17:14] Chibi**
Shouei-san...
**[17:16] Shouei**
The audience is part of the show.
**[17:18] Shouei**
To me, they're my precious friends...
**[17:20] Shouei**
No, they're my family, who share my blood.
**[17:22] Shouei**
That's me... Shouei!
**[17:26] Iyami**
Shoueeeh!
**[17:27] Toto**
*So passionate! So kind!*
**[17:29] Toto**
*He's actually going to sign autographs!*
**[17:31] Toto**
*But the show's about to start.*
**[17:33] Shou**
Yup, yup, yup. Here you go.
**[17:36] Choro**
Thanks!
**[17:37] Oso**
Hey, give us one of your belongings, Shouei.
**[17:40] Jyushi**
Belongings, please.
**[17:41] Ichi**
Like your watch there.
**[17:43] Toto**
* Who the hell do you think*
* you are, you sextuplets?!*
**[17:46] Chibi**
Hey, that's enough of...
**[17:48] Shouei**
It's okay. I'll give them something.
**[17:49] Chibi**
Shouei-san...
**[17:51] Shouei**
What's mine is everyone's.
**[17:52] Shouei**
And for everyone to be happy...
**[17:54] Shouei**
That's me... Shouei.
**[17:58] Iyami**
Shoueeeh!
**[18:00] Toto**
*No, wait. You're too nice!*
**[18:01] Toto**
*And the show's about to start!*
**[18:03] Oso**
You know... We're actually all still NEETs.
**[18:06] Shouei**
What? Really?
**[18:07] Todo**
We're trying really hard,
but haven't been able to find jobs.
**[18:11] Shouei**
I see...
**[18:12] Choro**
Not to mention, we're still virgins.
**[18:14] Shouei**
What?!
**[18:15] Ichi**
We basically hate life.
**[18:17] Shouei**
I see...
**[18:18] Toto**
* What the hell, you sextuplets?!*
* Making yourselves sound so pitiful!*
**[18:22] Toto**
*Don't believe them, Shouei-san!*
**[18:24] Toto**
*They've never tried hard in their lives!*
**[18:28] Shouei**
I see... You guys must have it rough!
**[18:31] Toto**
* He's crying! We haven't even started*
* eating yet, and he's crying!*
**[18:34] Shouei**
You're NEETs and virgins...
But don't give up!
**[18:37] Shouei**
I'll be cheering you on!
**[18:39] Shouei**
I'm Shouei!
**[18:41] All**
Shouei!
**[18:42] Chibi**
Um... We'd like to start the show now...
**[18:44] Shouei**
Oh, sorry about that.
**[18:49] Hata**
All right, let's start rolling, jo.
**[18:54] Toto**
*I'm going to win, no matter what!*
**[18:57] Toto**
*That title will be mine!*
**[18:59] Chibi**
All right, here we go. Live in five...
**[19:02] Chibi**
four, three, two...
**[19:07] Shouei**
Welcome to the Competitive
Eating Queen Contest 2017!
**[19:10] Shouei**
Let's give it our all!
**[19:12] Shouei**
Ready...
**[19:14] Shouei**
Start!
**[19:18] Crowd**
You can do it!
**[19:21] Oso**
Whoa! Holy crap, Totoko-chan!
**[19:23] Kara**
She's so fast!
**[19:26] Toto**
*I guess all that practice paid off.*
**[19:27] Toto**
* I'm not so shallow that I*
* get lost in my own beauty.*
**[19:31] Toto**
*Right, Shouei-san?*
**[19:33] Toto**
*Huh? He's gone?*
**[19:35] Kara**
Guys like us will never be able to find jobs...
**[19:38] Shouei**
Don't say that!
**[19:40] Toto**
*You went over there again?!*
**[19:41] Toto**
* But the show's started!*
* Shouldn't you be MCing?*
**[19:43] Jyushi**
We're just going to be virgins forever.
**[19:46] Shouei**
Don't give up!
**[19:48] Shouei**
Are you guys zeroes?
Are you absolute zeroes?!
**[19:48] Toto**
*Huh? Are they arguing?*
**[19:51] Toto**
* Er, wait, no... I need*
* to concentrate or I'll lose.*
**[19:54] Oso**
Shut up, Teruhide! You're too passionate!
**[19:57] Shouei**
How dare you speak to me like that?
**[19:59] Todo**
More importantly, introduce
me to Moemoe, Teruhide.
**[20:02] Todo**
You're being rude.
**[20:03] Choro**
The hell? You picking a fight?!
**[20:07] Oso**
What's up, Hide?
**[20:08] All**
Come at me, bro!
**[20:10] Toto**
*Those idiots!*
**[20:11] Toto**
*No! I need to concentrate...*
**[20:14] Shouei**
All right! Bring it on!
**[20:18] Toto**
*Shouei-san!*
**[20:29] shouei**
How'd you like that?!
**[20:30] Toto**
*Shouei-san's amazing!*
**[20:32] Toto**
*Huh?*
**[20:35] Shouei**
Ow, ow, ow, ow...
**[20:37] Toto**
*Are you okay, Shouei-san?*
**[20:40] Shouei**
Behold!
**[20:43] Jyushi**
Hurgh!
**[20:46] Jyushi**
Not done yet!
**[20:48] Toto**
*Hey!*
**[20:50] Shouei**
You're not bad. How about this, then?
**[20:55] Oso**
Huh? What?
**[20:57] Choro**
Wh-What the...
**[20:58] Jyushi**
I-Is this...
**[21:19] Six**
Bless!
**[21:20] Toto**
*No, no, no...*
**[21:22] Oso**
Thanks, Shouei-niisan!
**[21:25] Shouei**
Don't sweat it. Thanks to you guys, too.
**[21:27] Ichi**
Nii-san!
**[21:28] Todo**
Nii-san!
**[21:30] Toto**
*Why?*
**[21:32] Shouei**
Well? Don't they taste great?
**[21:34] Jyushi**
They're great, Shouei-niisan!
**[21:36] All**
Yummy!
**[21:37] Toto**
*Seriously...*
**[21:40] Shouei**
Who said you could eat those?
**[21:41] Oso**
Uh, you told us we could eat them!
**[21:43] Shouei**
I'm allowed to since I'm the MC!
**[21:45] Todo**
The MC shouldn't be eating them, either!
**[21:48] Toto**
*Ugh! And I'm about to win, too!*
**[21:52] Toto**
I can't concentrate!
***SIGN*** End
**[22:02] Shouei**
I'm so happy!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Choro**
Choromatsu here.
**[23:35] Choro**
Man, Shouei-san this week
was so ripped and hard.
**[23:39] Choro**
I'm not sure if I was ripped this week,
**[23:41] Choro**
but I sure was hard.
**[23:43] Choro**
I want to continue being hard next week,
**[23:45] Choro**
and hope I will be for the rest of my life.
**[23:48] Choro**
Next week's episode will
be something like that, too.
**[23:50] Choro**
"Matsuzou and Matsuyo." I hope you'll be
ripped and rock-hard when you tune in!
***SIGN*** "Matsuzou and Matsuyo" etc.
# E4 - Matsuzou and Matsuyo
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675DN35R/matsuzou-and-matsuyo)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Cavematsu-san
**[00:06] All**
Cavematsu-san!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Matsuzou and Matsuyo"
***SIGN*** Milk
**[02:43] Jyushi**
Muscle, muscle... Huh?!
**[02:46] Jyushi**
Dad! You're spilling it!
**[02:48] Dad**
Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry.
**[02:52] Dad**
I'm heading out.
**[02:56] Todo**
Dad, you have to open the door first.
**[02:58] Dad**
Huh? Oh.
**[03:01] Todo**
Huh?
**[03:03] Dad**
I'm home.
**[03:05] Kara**
Daddy! What happened to your clothes?!
**[03:07] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:20] Todo**
What do you think is up with that,
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[03:22] Oso**
Huh?
**[03:23] Todo**
I mean the way Dad's acting.
**[03:24] Oso**
Is something wrong?
**[03:25] Todo**
Wait, really? You haven't noticed?
**[03:31] Oso**
Isn't your popsicle about
two millimeters bigger than mine?
**[03:34] Todo**
Yet you notice things like that right off
the bat?! It's only two millimeters!
**[03:37] Todo**
Here, I'll just trade you.
**[03:38] Todo**
It's just gonna be a pain if we
stay on this topic any longer.
**[03:41] Oso**
Thanks!
**[03:42] Jyushi**
But I wonder what's going on with Dad.
**[03:45] Ichi**
Maybe something's troubling him.
**[03:47] All**
Huh?
**[03:49] Ichi**
Like, something is emotionally bothering him.
**[03:52] Oso**
Huh? What are you talking about?
You're scaring me.
**[03:55] Choro**
Scaring you?
**[03:56] Oso**
Well, I mean, think about it!
What could actually be bothering Dad?
**[04:00] Oso**
Nine times out of ten,
we're the reason for his troubles!
**[04:03] Oso**
We're all over twenty and spend
every day just lazing around...
**[04:06] Oso**
And there are six of us.
His future's just bleak.
**[04:09] Jyushi**
True.
**[04:10] Oso**
The only thing waiting for him is getting old
as part of the lowest caste in his generation.
**[04:14] Oso**
Of course he's troubled.
**[04:16] Jyushi**
True.
**[04:18] Choro**
Don't you feel sad saying
all that about yourself?
**[04:20] Jyushi**
True.
**[04:23] Todo**
And then Dad's finally going to
reach his limit and tell us...
**[04:27] Todo**
"I can't provide for our
family alone anymore,
**[04:30] Todo**
so I need all of you...
**[04:32] Todo**
to work!"
**[04:35] Both**
No!
**[04:36] Choro**
Shut up!
**[04:37] Kara**
All right. Let's never speak of this again.
**[04:40] Kara**
There's nothing troubling Dad at all.
He's perfectly fine.
**[04:43] Choro**
Hey!
**[04:44] Ichi**
Down with being forced to find a job.
**[04:47] All**
Yeah!
**[04:48] Ichi**
Don't wanna think about our parents' problems.
**[04:50] All**
Nope!
**[04:52] Oso**
No way!
**[04:54] Jyushimatsu**
True.
**[04:55] Kara**
Let's have fun in life.
**[05:14] Choro**
Dad.
**[05:21] Dad**
Troubles?
**[05:22] Dad**
Choromatsu, who do you think you are,
worrying about stuff like that?
**[05:27] Choro**
No, there's definitely
something troubling you.
**[05:29] Dad**
Nope.
**[05:30] Choro**
But you've been acting strange for a while.
**[05:32] Dad**
I'm my usual self.
**[05:33] Choro**
Why haven't you noticed the flying
squirrel clinging to your back, then?
**[05:40] Choro**
Go back to the forest.
**[05:41] Dad**
I had no idea...
**[05:45] Dad**
Actually... it's about your mother.
**[05:48] Choro**
Mom?
**[05:49] Dad**
Yeah.
**[05:50] Choro**
Wait, what about Mom?
**[05:54] Dad**
You see, your mother...
**[06:02] Dad**
Your mother's been cold
toward me for some reason!
**[06:07] Dad**
She hasn't been kissing me goodnight
or anything like that at all lately!
**[06:11] Dad**
Is the spark gone?
Does she not love me anymore?
**[06:14] Dad**
I mean, we don't even do this or that anymore...
What do you think, Choromatsu-kun?
**[06:19] Choro**
Huh?
**[06:21] Six**
Who the hell cares?!
**[06:23] Dad**
Huh?! What do you mean, who cares?
**[06:26] Dad**
Your father's shocked!
**[06:27] Oso**
No, really, who cares?
**[06:28] Jyushi**
Not our problem!
**[06:29] Dad**
But we're husband and wife!
We're supposed to be lovey-dovey forever!
**[06:33] Kara**
Think about your damn age!
**[06:35] Dad**
No. I don't want to think about my age.
**[06:38] Dad**
I want to have a pervy relationship
with your mother forever!
**[06:41] Dad**
I'm so done... I don't
even want to live anymore.
**[06:45] Dad**
I'm gonna be a NEET, too.
**[06:46] Three**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[06:49] Jyushi**
Wait a sec, Dad!
**[06:50] Kara**
Just calm down.
**[06:51] Dad**
No...
**[06:52] Dad**
I'm done. I'm so done!
**[06:53] Ichi**
So what are we going to do about this?
**[06:54] Three bg**
Oh, come on...
**[06:55] Three bg**
Get your face out of the sofa.
**[06:56] Todo**
This is why I said we should leave it be.
**[06:58] Ichi**
You just had to meddle.
**[07:00] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait. It's not like I could've
ever imagined this would be the problem!
**[07:03] Choro**
I mean... I hear there are a lot more
sexless married couples lately, but...
**[07:07] Oso**
Hey! I don't want to hear that
kind of stuff about our parents!
**[07:10] Jyushi**
Nope! Can't!
**[07:11] Kara**
Shut up!
**[07:12] Todo**
But it's not like we can just
ignore this now, right?
**[07:15] Both**
Huh?
**[07:16] Todo**
I mean, if Dad ends up quitting his job or,
even worse, ends up moving out...
**[07:22] Todo**
We NEETs will have no choice but to die.
**[07:28] Todo**
All right. We've gotta do something.
**[07:31] Todo**
Let's somehow help out Dad,
**[07:33] Todo**
so we can prolong our lives as NEETs!
**[07:36] Todo**
You're such a good boy, Totty!
You're so cute and honest, Totty!
**[07:41] Todo**
Dad!
**[07:42] Dad**
Huh?
**[07:43] Todo**
Don't worry. We'll do something
about your relationship with Mom.
**[07:47] Dad**
Huh? Nah, it's okay.
**[07:49] Todo**
Don't worry!
**[07:51] Dad**
It's okay.
**[07:52] Todo**
But why?
**[07:53] Dad**
Well, none of you...
**[07:56] Dad**
have ever had a girlfriend.
**[08:00] Dad**
You're all virgins.
**[08:03] Dad**
It's not like you guys can help if you
haven't even had any experience yet.
**[08:07] Dad**
Shouldn't you guys be
worrying about yourselves?
**[08:10] Six**
Huh?!
**[08:12] Oso**
So what if we've never girlfriends?!
**[08:14] Todo**
So what if we're virgins?!
Does that even matter right now?!
**[08:17] Dad**
Actually, it matters quite a bit, doesn't it?
**[08:20] Dad**
It's probably the most
important thing, in fact.
**[08:22] Ichi**
But at least we're
knowledgeable about it!
**[08:24] Choro**
We can give you advice!
**[08:26] Dad**
You mean knowledge from dramas,
light novels, and porn, right?
**[08:29] Dad**
You can't actually use any
of that in real life.
**[08:31] Kara**
What the hell?! And here we
were offering to help you!
**[08:34] Dad**
And I'm telling you that you can't.
**[08:36] Kara**
Why?!
**[08:48] Dad**
What the heck are you guys doing?!
**[08:50] Oso**
Pull it out, you piece-of-shit dad!
We'll chop it off for you!
**[08:51] Jyushi**
True.
**[08:52] Oso**
You don't need it anymore, do you?!
**[08:54] Dad**
Speak for yourselves, you damn virgins!
**[08:55] Jyushi**
True!
**[08:56] Oso**
Shut up!
**[08:59] Todo**
So, what happened to the spark
between you and Mom?
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bathhouse
***SIGN*** Bath
**[09:03] Todo**
Know what might've caused it?
**[09:04] Dad**
No idea.
**[09:05] Todo**
How can you not know?
Man, your attitude pisses me off.
**[09:08] Dad**
No idea! As we got older, those kinds
of feelings naturally declined,
**[09:13] Dad**
and before I knew it,
they were totally gone.
**[09:16] Dad**
She's so heartless...
**[09:20] Kara**
Hang on a sec.
**[09:22] Kara**
Why does it sound like you've just been
blaming this on Mom this whole time?
**[09:26] Dad**
Huh?
**[09:27] Oso**
Yeah, that's what I thought, too.
**[09:29] Oso**
You're making it sound like Mom's the one
who's in the wrong for denying you.
**[09:32] Dad**
Well, we're husband and wife.
**[09:33] All**
See? There you go!
**[09:34] Dad**
Huh?
**[09:35] Ichi**
Look, you...
**[09:36] Dad**
"You"?
**[09:37] Ichi**
Why do you just naturally assume
that she'll always love you?
**[09:39] Ichi**
Get off your high horse.
**[09:40] Ichi**
Who do you think you are, huh?
**[09:42] Todo**
You gotta be more humble, Dad. You weren't
like this when you were young, were you?
**[09:46] Choro**
Remember those days when you were still pure.
**[09:48] Jyushi**
Then Mom will too, probably.
**[09:50] Oso**
You gotta be more humble.
**[09:52] Kara**
Take back your youth!
**[09:53] Choro**
So why don't you return to being a virgin, Dad?
**[09:56] Dad**
Uh, h-how?
**[09:57] Oso**
Don't worry, Dad. Because you have us...
**[10:02] All**
...six actual virgins on your side!
**[10:05] Dad**
Huh?
**[10:09] Six**
Such a virgin!
**[10:11] Jyushi**
Hello, Cherryzou-kun!
**[10:13] Ichi**
Hello, Cherryzou-kun.
**[10:15] Dad**
Huh?
**[10:16] Kara**
Right-o, Cherryzou! We're gonna
turn you back into a virgin!
**[10:19] Jyushi**
Yeah!
**[10:20] Dad**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Virgin five-step conjugations
**[10:22] Kara**
Here we go! Virgin five-step conjugations.
**[10:25] ---**
Let's do this!
***SIGN*** Boobs
**[10:27] Kara**
Boobs.
**[10:27] six**
Boobn't! Boobed! Boobing!
Get boobed! Boob it!
***SIGN*** Pantyshot
**[10:32] Kara**
Pantyshot.
**[10:33] Six**
Pantynot! Pantyshotted! Pantyshotting!
Pantyshoot! Pantyism!
***SIGN*** Kiss
**[10:37] Kara**
Kiss.
**[10:37] Six**
Wanna kiss! Wanna kiss!
Wanna kiss! Wanna kiss!
**[10:40] Six**
If all else fails,
wanna see someone else kiss!
**[10:41] Kara**
Perfect!
**[10:43] Dad**
Huh?
**[10:45] Totty**
All right. Go buy a dirty book.
***SIGN*** We now carry oden
**[10:47] Dad**
Huh?
**[10:48] Oso**
Move it!
**[10:54] Dad**
I bought one.
**[10:58] Dad**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[11:00] Oso**
The hell are you doing, Cherryzou?!
**[11:02] Todo**
That's not how a virgin buys
those at all, Cherryzou!
**[11:04] Dad**
Huh?
**[11:05] Todo**
Why did you pay at the girl's register?
**[11:09] Todo**
You're supposed to go to the
old man's register! He's our ally!
**[11:12] Oso**
And when you take out the dirty book,
***SIGN*** Rububbu
Hakone
**[11:14] Oso**
you put it between normal
magazines to hide the cover!
**[11:16] Todo**
Then you hide them in your shirt
and sneak as hard as you can sneak
**[11:19] Todo**
all the way home!
**[11:20] Both**
Those are basics!
**[11:23] Choro**
Well, if it were me...
**[11:26] Choro**
When I go to put it in my basket,
**[11:27] Choro**
I'd make it look like it just happened
to fall in with another magazine.
**[11:33] Oso**
That's our Fappymatsu-san!
I've been enlightened!
**[11:35] Choro**
Swipe.
**[11:37] Five**
We've been enlightened!
***SIGN*** Visible bras
**[11:40] Kara**
Visible bras.
**[11:41] Six**
Uh, they're underwear! Uh, they're underwear!
**[11:43] Six**
Uh, they're underwear! They're super sexy!
**[11:44] Six**
Thanks!
***SIGN*** Ririko
***SIGN*** Graduation Album
***SIGN*** Young Chample
***SIGN*** Shigebu Mobuko
**[11:46] Ichi**
All right. Which of these would you pick?
**[11:48] Dad**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Ririko
**[11:50] Dad**
This one?
**[11:51] Ichi**
Of course you should pick
the graduation album!
**[11:53] Jyushi**
Everyone knows that!
***SIGN*** Tattoos
**[11:56] Kara**
Tattoos!
**[11:56] Five**
Nope...
**[11:57] Five**
Scary...
**[11:58] Five**
Too bold...
***SIGN*** Fuwari Ecchi
***SIGN*** Konai Shasei
**[12:00] Jyushi**
How about out of these two, then?
**[12:02] Dad**
Huh?
**[12:03] Dad**
This one.
**[12:04] Dad**
What?! I seriously don't know anymore!
**[12:06] Jyushi**
You're supposed to pick both!
**[12:07] Ichi**
You're supposed to be greedy here!
**[12:09] Dad**
How would I know?!
***SIGN*** Ultra
Sexy
**[12:24] Totty**
W-Well, Dad? Were you able
to regain your virgin heart?
**[12:29] Dad**
No.
**[12:29] Kara**
Wh-What do you think when you see this?
**[12:33] Dad**
Nothing, really.
**[12:36] Oso**
Then I'm completely out of ideas.
**[12:38] Dad**
Huh?
**[12:39] Choro**
We can't help you.
**[12:41] Choro**
You'll have to figure it out yourself.
**[12:43] Dad**
Huh?
**[12:44] Six**
See ya.
**[12:45] Dad**
What?! You're just going to
abandon me after all that?!
**[12:48] Dad**
Don't abandon Cherryzou! Hey!
**[12:52] Guy 1**
*So about the corn soup...*
**[12:55] Guy 1**
*Say something.*
**[12:56] Guy 2**
*I forgot.*
**[12:57] Guy 1**
*But this is your job.*
**[12:58] ---**
*No, it's not.*
**[13:00] Dad**
Why? Why won't she fall
in love with me again?
**[13:07] Dad**
I spent so much time and money...
That's so messed up.
**[13:11] Totty**
Yeah, I'd say that looks pretty messed up!
**[13:13] Todo**
How did you end up like that?
What made you think it was even acceptable?
**[13:17] Dad**
How about this, Dad?
**[13:22] Dad**
Sorry to drag you guys out here like this.
**[13:24] Dad**
To be completely honest,
I might've just been lonely.
**[13:29] Dad**
You guys were born and became adults...
**[13:33] Dad**
Even though you're all still unemployed.
**[13:36] Dad**
I did feel somewhat like we were
finally liberated as parents...
**[13:42] Dad**
And then, suddenly, I started to worry.
**[13:45] Dad**
I wondered why she was still with me, then.
**[13:49] Dad**
I wondered if it was actually
because she still loved me.
**[13:54] Dad**
What am I saying at my age?
What am I, a virgin?
**[14:01] Jyushi**
What about your oden?
**[14:03] Dad**
It's fine. I'll eat at home.
**[14:05] Ichi**
Dad...
**[14:08] Ichi**
Are you sure you're done?
Is that how you really feel?
**[14:11] Dad**
Yeah... The old man's gonna retire, boys.
**[14:13] Dad**
Keep doing your best, you Cherrymatsus.
**[14:16] Ichi**
Shut up.
**[14:18] Dad**
See ya.
**[14:20] Chibi**
Wait, old man!
**[14:22] Todo**
Whoa, he's bawling! What got into you?!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards accepted
**[14:24] Chibi**
Try talking to Dekapan!
**[14:27] Todo**
Dekapan?
**[14:28] Chib**
You know... He might have some
useful item he'll let you borrow.
**[14:31] Todo**
What kind of useful item?
**[14:35] Chibi**
Maybe a love potion or something?
**[14:37] Todo**
Love potion?
**[14:39] Todo**
Nah, there's no way
Dad would use that on Mo—
**[14:41] Dad**
Love potion! Of course!
**[14:43] Todo**
Dad?!
**[14:44] Dad**
Why didn't I think of that?!
**[14:46] Six**
Dad!
**[14:49] Deka**
Of course I have some.
**[14:51] Dad**
He actually has some!
**[14:52] Dad**
Seriously? Yay!
**[14:54] Both**
Unparalleled hustle! Unparalleled hustle!
**[14:56] Choro**
He hadn't given up at all...
**[14:59] Todo**
What was that bit of gloom even for?
**[15:02] Deka**
Huh? But it's...
**[15:04] Dad**
Huh?!
**[15:05] Deka**
That's strange... How can that be?
**[15:07] Dayon**
I didn't do it!
**[15:09] Dayon**
I didn't use it!
**[15:12] Dayon**
I'm telling the truth!
**[15:14] Ichi**
Must be him.
**[15:16] Oso**
Yup.
**[15:17] Deka**
Well, this is a problem.
**[15:20] Deka**
I have the recipe,
**[15:21] Deka**
but the flower included in the ingredients
only grows beyond the sea.
**[15:24] Deka**
In one of the most secluded—
**[15:25] Dad**
Give me that!
**[15:26] Six**
Dad!
**[15:40] Dad**
I-I'm...
**[15:43] Dad**
finished...
**[15:45] Dad**
Karamatsu?!
**[15:48] Kara**
I've come to save you.
**[15:56] Both**
We're finished!
**[15:58] Oso**
Leave this...
**[15:59] Jyushi**
...to us!
**[16:04] Oso**
Damn it!
**[16:06] Jyushi**
Damn it!
**[16:07] Both**
We're finished!
**[16:09] Dad**
Hey, look.
**[16:13] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[16:14] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[16:16] Choro**
Wh-What should we do?
**[16:18] Ichi**
What should we do?
**[16:19] Choro**
You decide.
**[16:21] Ichi**
No, no. You go right ahead.
**[16:23] Oso**
Hey, over here!
**[16:24] Jyushi**
Over here!
**[16:25] Four**
Hey!
**[16:32] Ichi**
Oh, it's Totty. Hey!
**[16:39] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[16:41] All**
Hold it, Todomatsu!
**[16:41] All**
Hey!
**[16:42] Six**
It hurts!
**[16:43] Six**
It's heavy!
**[16:45] Six**
It's hot!
**[16:47] Six**
It's cold!
**[16:48] Six**
It's cramped!
**[16:50] Six**
It's dark!
**[16:51] Six**
It stinks!
**[16:53] Six**
It's loud!
**[16:55] Oso**
Here we go!
**[16:56] Five**
Yeah!
**[17:42] Deka**
It's finished.
**[17:48] Dad**
I-It's finally...
**[17:51] Six**
D-Dad!
**[17:53] Dad**
Yeah.
**[17:54] All**
Yay!
**[17:56] Jyushi**
Mom won't know what hit her!
She'll fall in love with you again!
**[17:59] All**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[18:02] All**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[18:08] Oso**
Well, goodnight.
**[18:11] Kara**
We did good.
**[18:13] Todo**
Who knew it felt so good to
work up a sweat like that?
**[18:16] Choro**
We've done our job as sons.
**[18:18] Five**
Right?
**[18:21] Oso**
Oh, yeah.
**[18:23] Oso**
Once this is over, let's have Dad
share some of that potion with us.
**[18:27] Todo**
Good idea. Then maybe we'll finally
graduate from being virgins?
**[18:30] Jyushi**
Awesome!
**[18:33] Jyushi**
I can't wait!
**[18:33] Oso**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Matsuno
***SIGN*** In Use
***SIGN*** Delivery Room
**[20:19] Mom**
Takes you back, doesn't it?
**[20:26] Dad**
Yeah.
**[20:28] Mom**
Do you remember? A long time ago,
you shouted at me.
**[20:33] Mom**
From here.
**[20:34] Dad**
Huh?
**[20:37] Dad**
I love you!
**[20:44] Mom**
Did you actually forget?
**[20:47] Dad**
I forgot. I don't have time to
remember stuff from that long ago.
**[20:53] Mom**
I see.
**[20:56] Mom**
But I'll never forget...
No matter how long it's been.
**[21:00] Dad**
I see.
**[21:06] Mom**
Sure is cold.
**[21:14] Mom**
Someday, we're going to be alone like this.
**[21:19] Dad**
Yeah.
**[21:25] Dad**
What's going on?
**[21:34] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo...
**[21:35] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[21:36] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[21:37] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sheeeh!
**[21:37] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[21:40] Oso**
T-Totoko-chan... We've been sexless
ever since the day we were born.
**[21:45] Five**
Completely sexless.
**[21:47] Six**
Totoko-chan!
**[21:49] Toto**
No one wants you,
**[21:51] Toto**
you NEET virgins!
**[22:03] Mom**
Do you think we'll ever be alone?
***SIGN*** End
**[22:07] Dad**
I'm not so sure.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Kara**
It's me, Karamatsu.
**[23:40] Kara**
I'm not so bad in the fall,
but you should see me in summer.
**[23:44] Kara**
Now I'd like to present to you
**[23:46] Kara**
something that summer left behind.
**[23:48] Kara**
Next time, "Osomatsu-san in the Summer"
will bring you those sexy hips.
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san in the Summer"
**[23:52] Kara**
What time is it?
# E5 - Osomatsu-san in the Summer
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRZX1848Y/osomatsu-san-in-the-summer)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Cicadas"
**[00:23] Nanami**
Takkun...
**[00:25] Takkun**
Nanami...
**[00:27] Nanami**
I... worked really hard to make this.
**[00:31] Nanami**
Please take it.
***SIGN*** Good Luck Charm
**[00:33] Takkun**
Th-Thanks...
**[00:45] Nanami**
Takkun... Take me to the Koushien!
**[00:53] Takkun**
Nanami...
**[00:56] Takkun**
I, Uebayashi Tatsuo,
**[00:59] Takkun**
want you, Asaoka Nanami, to know...
**[01:01] Nanami**
What? I can't hear you, Takkun.
**[01:03] Nanami**
The cicadas are so loud
that I can't hear you.
**[01:05] Takkun**
I, Uebayashi Tatsuo...
**[01:07] Nanami**
What?!
**[01:07] Takkun**
I, Uebayashi Tatsuo...
**[01:09] Nanami**
Say what?!
**[01:09] Takkun**
I, Uebayashi Tatsuo, want you,
Asaoka Nanami, to know...
**[01:12] Nanami**
What?! I can't hear you at all!
**[01:14] Takkun**
That I love you!
**[01:15] Nanami**
Huh?
**[01:15] Takkun**
I love you!
**[01:17] Nanami**
Wha?!
**[01:17] Takkun**
I said I love you!
**[01:18] Nanami**
What?!
**[01:19] Takkun**
I want you to go out with me!
**[01:20] Nanami**
Huh?!
**[01:21] Takkun**
Please be my girlfriend!
**[01:22] Nanami**
Ugh. I can't hear you at all!
**[01:25] Nanami**
Takkun, you idiot!
**[01:27] Takkun**
Nanami!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu
Calisthenics"
**[03:16] radio**
* Raise your arms up high.*
* We'll start with stretches!*
**[03:20] Radio**
*One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...*
**[03:21] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:23] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:25] Radio**
*Now your arms and legs.*
**[03:26] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:26] Radio**
*One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.*
**[03:28] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:30] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:30] Radio**
*Two, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[03:33] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:35] Jyushi**
Hup!
**[03:35] ---**
*Three, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[03:36] Jyushi**
Take that!
**[03:39] Jyushi**
And that!
**[03:40] Jyushi**
Hup, two!
**[03:40] ---**
*Four, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...*
**[03:42] Jyushi**
Yeah, exercise!
**[03:44] Radio**
*Swing your arms.*
**[03:45] Radio**
*One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[03:50] Radio**
*Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven...*
**[03:50] Jyushi**
How's that?
**[03:53] Radio**
*Next, chest exercises.*
**[03:54] Radio**
*One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[03:55] Jyushi**
Oh, man. Oh, man!
**[03:59] Radio**
*Two, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[03:59] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[04:01] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[04:03] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[04:03] ---**
*Three, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...*
**[04:05] Jyushi**
Boehba!
**[04:07] Jyushi**
Boehba!
**[04:07] ---**
*Four, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...*
**[04:09] Jyushi**
Boehba!
**[04:11] Radio**
*Next, side stretches.*
**[04:12] Jyushi**
Boehba!
**[04:13] Radio**
*One, two, three...*
***SIGN*** Well Done
**[04:19] Jyushi**
Just 39 more days.
**[04:21] Jyushi**
I'll do my best!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Joozu"
***SIGN*** Look out for sharks!
***SIGN*** Beware of Sharks
***SIGN*** Danger! Sharks!
***SIGN*** No Swimming!
**[05:13] Hata**
Joo...
**[05:15] Hata**
zu.
**[05:19] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[05:27] Both**
Oh.
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "It's Hot"
**[05:36] Iyami**
It's hot...
**[05:40] Iyami**
It's hot...
**[05:43] Iyami**
It's hot...
**[05:46] Iyami**
It's hot...
**[05:49] Chibi**
Hey! Stop saying "It's hot" so much!
**[05:52] Chibi**
You're making it worse!
**[05:54] Chibi**
Hot!
**[05:56] Iyami**
Chibita, we have no choice now.
**[06:00] Chibi**
Oh, that. Whenever we're in trouble...
**[06:04] Both**
...we go see Professor Dekapan!
**[06:08] Deka**
Unfortunately, my air conditioner is broken.
**[06:12] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:12] Both**
But why?
**[06:15] Dayon**
It wasn't me.
**[06:17] Dayon**
I didn't touch it. Honest.
**[06:27] Deka**
Well, no need to feel down.
Summer is meant to be hot.
**[06:31] Deka**
I believe you're meant to take
in that heat and enjoy—
**[06:35] Chibi**
You idjit!
**[06:38] Deka**
Stop!
**[06:39] Deka**
O-Okay! I'll make something good!
**[06:44] Deka**
It's finished.
**[06:45] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:48] Iyami**
It's so nice and cool!
**[06:50] Chibi**
It's not hot at all! It's nice and cool!
**[06:53] Both**
Yay!
**[06:54] Iyami**
It's so cool!
**[06:55] Chibi**
It's so cool, you idjit! Damn it!
**[06:56] Deka**
Good, good.
**[06:57] Iyami**
It's so cool, isn't it, Chibita?
**[06:58] Dayon**
This is the ultimate VR!
**[06:59] Chibita**
It's so cool, Iyami!
**[07:05] Chibi**
This is the best, you idjit! It's heaven!
**[07:10] Iyami**
It's so cool!
**[07:12] Chibi**
So cool! Yay!
**[07:14] Iyami**
It's so friggin' cool!
**[07:16] Chibi**
It's cool, you idjit! Damn it!
**[07:19] Chibi**
Yay!
**[07:21] Iyami**
So cool!
**[07:22] Chibi**
It's so cool!
**[07:25] Iyami**
It's too cool!
**[07:28] Chibi**
It's too cool!
**[07:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh! It's so cool!
**[07:30] Chibi**
It's cool, you idjit! Damn it!
**[07:33] Iyami**
It's cool.
**[07:34] Chibi**
It's cool, you idjit!
**[07:38] Both**
So cool!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Exiled"
**[07:50] Girl**
What? Oh, really?
**[07:53] Aida**
Hey, Totty.
**[07:56] Sachiko**
Want to take a picture with us?
**[07:58] Todo**
A picture? Sure!
**[08:00] Sachiko**
Okay, here we go!
**[08:02] Todo**
So very awesome!
**[08:03] Sachi**
Okay, say cheese!
***SIGN*** He is a criminal. Please do not save him.
**[08:16] Oso**
Exiled.
**[08:17] Ichi**
Yup, exiled.
**[08:18] Todo**
What?!
**[08:18] Todo**
Hey! Hey, wait! Hey!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Exiled 2"
**[08:28] Aida**
Wow, a deserted island.
**[08:32] Aida**
Wow, I've never been to
a deserted island before.
**[08:36] Sachi**
Hey, Totty, what are you doing? Hurry up.
**[08:44] Sachi**
Hey, Totty, we're talking to you.
**[08:46] Todo**
Yeah, I'll be right there.
**[08:48] Todo**
Okay, looks like we're good.
They wouldn't come this far...
**[08:52] Todo**
This is amazing! Are we the only ones here?
**[08:54] Todo**
Deserted islands are awesome!
**[08:58] Todo**
Huh? What?!
***SIGN*** He is a criminal. Please do not save him.
**[08:59] Todo**
Hey!
**[09:01] Todo**
What?! Wait!
**[09:02] Jyushi**
Exiled!
**[09:03] Choro**
Yup, exiled.
**[09:04] Kara**
Recite some Japanese poetry
alone, or something.
**[09:04] Todo**
W-Wait!
**[09:05] Todo**
Hey! Hey!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Exiled 3"
***SIGN*** Southern
**[09:20] Aida**
Totty? Aren't you coming to the beach?
**[09:22] Totty**
No. I'm never going near the ocean again.
**[09:26] Aida**
Aww...
**[09:27] Totty**
Sorry. Let's play on land next time.
**[09:31] Totty**
Hey, I know. Wanna exchange
contact information?
**[09:33] Aida**
Sure.
**[09:36] Todo**
Let's see... Oh, here we go.
**[09:41] Todo**
Huh?
**[09:42] Todo**
What?!
**[09:44] Todo**
Come on!
**[09:49] Todo**
Hey! Hey!
**[09:51] Todo**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Fireworks"
**[10:08] Oso**
Say, Choromatsu.
**[10:10] Oso**
Wanna trade your grilled
squid for my skewer
**[10:12] Oso**
that had the grilled squid
I finished eating on it?
**[10:16] Choro**
When are the fireworks gonna start?
**[10:18] Todo**
It's still not time?
**[10:20] Jyushi**
Fireworks! Fireworks!
**[10:21] Jyushi**
Yay!
**[10:23] Oso**
Foo! Yeah!
**[10:26] Announce**
*Thank you for waiting.*
**[10:28] Announce**
*Please enjoy the fireworks.*
**[10:42] Choro**
Oh, here it comes!
**[10:44] Oso**
It's about time!
***SIGN*** Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Summer Kamen
**[11:55] Kara**
Summer Kamen!
**[12:00] Girl**
It's so hot.
**[12:01] Guy**
It is. Look, I'm sweating like crazy.
**[12:04] Girl**
You're right.
***SIGN*** Young-Wife- Apartments
**[12:10] Kara**
Nice summer!
**[12:15] Guy**
I feel alive again!
**[12:16] Kara**
Good summer!
**[12:19] Boy**
Yay! I caught a rhinoceros beetle!
**[12:20] Kid**
Awesome!
**[12:21] Kara**
800 summer!
**[12:24] Mom**
So close! Too bad.
**[12:26] Kara**
Perfect summer!
**[12:29] Man**
Look at your farmer's tan!
**[12:31] Kara**
20,000 summer!
***SIGN*** Oh, Summer Vacation
**[12:41] Kara**
Summer!
**[12:44] ---**
It's summer!
**[12:47] Kara**
Summer!
**[12:52] Kara**
*The name's Summer Kamen!*
**[12:54] Kara**
* Every year when summer rolls around,*
* I walk around town looking for summer,*
**[12:57] Kara**
*inject even more summer,*
**[12:59] Kara**
* and watch everyone enjoy summer even*
* more while I enjoy the rest of summer.*
**[13:04] Kara**
*That is me, summer.*
**[13:06] Kara**
*Hmm? You don't understand?*
**[13:07] Kara**
*You don't have to.*
**[13:09] Kara**
*My season is here. Thank you.*
**[13:14] Kara**
* Now, my problem is the spineless*
* boys who live here.*
**[13:21] Jyushi**
It's hot...
**[13:23] Jyushi**
I can't.
**[13:25] Kara**
Oh, bad summer.
**[13:28] Choro**
I love you, air conditioner.
**[13:29] Kara**
Eleven summer.
**[13:31] Totty**
This sucks. I don't want to get burnt.
**[13:33] Kara**
Six summer.
**[13:36] Ichi**
Drinking hot tea in an
air-conditioned room...
**[13:39] Kara**
No good summer.
**[13:41] Oso**
Eating ramen in an air-conditioned
room is great, too.
**[13:44] Kara**
Oh, too bad summer.
**[13:46] Both**
Shut up!
**[13:48] Oso**
What's your deal, barging in here
saying "summer, summer"?
**[13:50] Oso**
It's creepy as hell.
**[13:52] Ichimatsu**
Who the hell are you?
**[13:54] Kara**
Me?
**[13:56] Kara**
I'm Summer Kamen.
**[13:57] Both**
Who?!
**[13:59] Kara**
What's wrong with all of you?
You're pathetic!
**[14:01] Kara**
You're letting the heat
of summer get to you!
**[14:04] Choro**
I'm pretty sure it's *your* head
that the heat got to.
**[14:07] Kara**
Wow, wow, wow! 4,000 summer!
**[14:10] Choro**
I don't get how this works.
Why did he give me summers just now?
**[14:14] Kara**
All of you lack summer! You need to
inject more summer into your lives!
**[14:17] Kara**
I'm telling you to brush up on your own
summers for the impending real summer.
**[14:22] Todo**
What are you talking about?
**[14:23] Jyushi**
Get lost!
**[14:24] Ichi**
Scram.
**[14:25] todo**
What's so good about summer anyway?
**[14:26] Choro**
It's hot, and you just sweat.
**[14:27] Oso**
The beach gets crowded, too.
**[14:29] Ichi**
Plus fireworks, packed trains...
**[14:29] Kara**
Good grief. I guess I have no choice
but to use this technique.
**[14:30] Oso**
I hate it.
**[14:31] Choro**
Hurry up and end, summer.
**[14:32] Kara**
You tiny d*cks that lack
summer... Take this!
**[14:37] Kara**
Summer Flash!
**[14:40] Kara**
Summer!
**[14:42] Kara**
Summer!
**[14:44] Kara**
Summer!
**[14:47] Kara**
Oh, summer!
**[14:49] Kara**
Changing Summer!
**[15:03] Five**
It's summer!
**[15:05] All**
Wow!
**[15:08] All**
It's so fun!
**[15:08] Kara**
Well? How do you like the rays? The location?
**[15:09] Bg**
It's summer! It's summer!
**[15:12] Kara**
Well?!
**[15:13] Five**
Nice summer!
**[15:15] Kara**
Hmm?
**[15:15] Five**
Good summer!
**[15:17] Kara**
What was that?
**[15:19] Five**
King of Summer!
**[15:22] Kara**
Good.
**[15:23] Five**
Summer!
**[15:26] Oso**
Thank you, Summer Kamen!
**[15:28] Choro**
Now we can have a great summer.
**[15:30] Totty**
Thanks!
**[15:32] Kara**
Summer, summer is here.
**[15:36] Kara**
Melt your brain, it's 2,000 summer.
**[15:39] Kara**
Brush up on your own summer.
***SIGN*** Summer Kamen
**[15:43] Kara**
Aah, 50,000 summer!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Summer Kamen
**[15:48] Kara**
50,000, 50,000 summer!
**[15:56] Toto**
It's summer!
**[15:57] Toto**
It's the ocean! Yay!
***SIGN*** "Totoko in
the Summer"
**[16:03] Toto**
Oh, there they are!
**[16:05] Toto**
Take that!
**[16:08] Toto**
And that!
**[16:13] Toto**
Snipe!
**[16:15] Girl**
There!
**[16:17] Toto**
Kaboom!
**[16:18] Toto**
Not done yet!
**[16:30] Toto**
It's summer!
**[16:44] Toto**
Ah, I feel so much better.
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "This Year,
We'll Finally..."
**[17:02] Girl**
Hey!
**[17:03] Girl**
Jeez.
**[17:14] Oso**
Man, these sunglasses are so convenient.
**[17:18] Choro**
They are. We're boldly staring at girls'
boobs and butts, and no one's getting angry.
**[17:25] Kara**
The most important factor in girl
watching is calm, Choromatsu.
**[17:31] Choro**
That's really helpful!
**[17:32] Four**
Thanks!
**[17:37] Kara**
I don't mind taking back my
sunglasses right now, you know.
**[17:41] Ichi**
Thanks!
**[17:43] Oso**
Now then, which one should we choose?
**[17:45] Choro**
Which girl should we pick?
**[17:47] Oso**
What about her?
**[17:48] Oso**
Isn't she cute?
**[17:49] Todo**
She's super cute!
**[17:50] Jyushi**
Cute!
**[17:51] Oso**
And she's got huge boobs!
**[17:52] Five**
Yeah.
**[17:53] Oso**
She's with other girls,
so she might not have a boyfriend.
**[17:56] Five**
Yeah!
**[17:56] Oso**
That's awesome!
**[17:58] Five**
It is!
**[17:59] Oso**
All right, someone go talk to her.
**[18:07] Oso**
Man, these sunglasses are so convenient.
**[18:10] Choro**
They are. We're boldly staring at girls'
boobs and butts, and no one's getting angry.
**[18:15] Totty**
Hang on. Are we stuck in some infinite loop?
**[18:18] Totty**
You guys keep talking, but not acting.
**[18:25] Oso**
All right, I'll go.
**[18:27] Oso**
I'm gonna do this! The eldest is
going to show you how it's done!
**[18:30] Todo**
So cool!
**[18:31] Choro**
Idiots are so amazing.
**[18:33] Jyushi**
I'm not an idiot!
**[18:34] Choro**
Uh, I wasn't talking about you.
**[18:37] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:50] Oso**
Man, talk about awesome.
**[18:53] Five**
Hey!
**[18:53] Oso**
They're all so plump.
***SIGN*** Fancy Ice
**[18:55] Todo**
What are you doing?
**[18:56] Oso**
So plump.
**[18:57] Kara**
You're all talk. Pathetic.
**[18:59] Oso**
Seriously, extremely plump.
**[19:00] Choro**
Did you see some shrimp or something?!
**[19:02] Choro**
Would you shut up about things being plump?!
**[19:04] Oso**
Well, can you go do it?
Stop acting all high and mighty.
**[19:07] Choro**
No, no. I'm not interested
in things like this.
**[19:10] All**
Grr.
**[19:11] Choro**
I mean, even if it worked out,
it'd all be over once summer ended.
**[19:14] Choro**
Since we're all adults here,
**[19:16] Choro**
I don't see any point in pursuing
pointless relationships like—
**[19:19] Jyushi**
Up we go!
**[19:23] Todo**
He went flying.
**[19:24] Oso**
So, who's gonna go next?
**[19:27] Kara**
Very well, I accept. I'll go round up
all the Karamatsu girls on the beach!
**[19:39] Ichi**
All right. I'll go.
**[19:40] Five**
What?!
**[19:42] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?
**[19:44] Todo**
You're going to go, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[19:45] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[19:46] Oso**
You don't need to push yourself like that.
**[19:47] Kara**
Don't push yourself, Ichimatsu.
**[19:49] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[19:50] Todo**
Really, it's okay. We won't force you.
**[19:52] Oso**
You don't have to go along with us.
**[19:54] Kara**
I'm worried.
**[19:55] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[19:56] Todo**
Just sit down, okay? No, really.
**[19:57] Ichi**
Shut up!
**[19:59] Ichi**
Why am I the only one you treat like that?!
**[20:01] Ichi**
Are you trying to be nice?
It just pisses me off!
**[20:03] Ichi**
I can be a man when it comes to it!
**[20:06] Todo**
I-I'm sorry...
**[20:07] Oso**
Don't get so angry.
**[20:13] Both**
Now you're not gonna go?!
**[20:14] Oso**
Really? You're not going after all that?!
***SIGN*** Hard Rock Kiyoshi
**[20:16] Oso**
Why'd you get mad, then?!
**[20:17] Ichi**
A guy like me is here at the beach in summer.
You can't ask any more of me.
**[20:22] Oso**
We know! That's why we tried to stop you!
**[20:25] Kara**
Which means it's finally my turn, brothers!
**[20:33] Oso**
Jyushimatsu?
**[20:34] Oso**
You're going? Seriously?
**[20:35] Todo**
Well, he is the dark horse out of all of us
**[20:37] Todo**
who's actually had somewhat of a girlfriend.
**[20:40] Ichi**
Is he going to show us his skills now?
**[20:42] Kara**
Are you finally going to move forward
to find a new love, Jyushimatsu?
**[20:48] Kara**
You just needed to relieve
yourself, Jyushimatsu?
**[20:52] Todo**
I guess there's no other choice.
**[20:53] Todo**
Totty, you'll just have to
use the ace up your sleeve.
**[20:56] Oso**
Huh?
**[20:58] Todo**
Listen. If we keep trying this by one by one,
**[21:01] Todo**
we virgin NEETs stand no chance
against the summer beach.
**[21:04] Totty**
We all have to go at once.
**[21:05] Five**
All of us?!
**[21:06] Totty**
That's right. The sextuplets push.
**[21:08] Five**
Sextuplets push?!
**[21:09] Todo**
That's our one and only weapon.
**[21:11] Todo**
We flaunt the special trait we have
that no one else has to draw interest.
**[21:15] Todo**
I don't know if it'll make girls like us, though.
**[21:16] Choro**
I see. So we're going to bet
on our numbers, right, Sensei?
**[21:20] Todo**
No. But it'll at least
create an opportunity.
**[21:24] Todo**
You guys ready?
**[21:25] Five**
Yeah...
**[21:27] Todo**
We're sextuplets!
**[21:29] Choro**
We're sextuplets!
**[21:31] Todo**
We have the same face!
**[21:33] Both**
We have the same face!
**[21:35] Todo**
We're sextuplets!
**[21:37] Both**
We're sextuplets!
**[21:39] Todo**
We're all sextuplets...
**[21:40] Both**
...with the same face!
**[21:42] Oso**
Anyone want us?
**[21:43] Guy**
Hey, what's up with those guys?
**[21:44] Guy 2**
Aren't sextuplets a lot?
**[21:46] Guy 2**
I've seen twins before,
but they're sextuplets!
**[21:48] Guy 2**
Isn't that a lot?
**[21:55] Girl**
Can we take a picture with you?
**[21:57] Guy**
Do the same pose, like sextuplets!
**[22:03] Six**
Sheeeh...
**[22:07] Girls**
What's with these guys? They're hilarious!
**[22:09] Oso**
W-We'll have to try again next year...
**[22:12] Girl**
Seriously?
**[22:12] Five**
Yeah...
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:44] Iyami**
There's always someone better than you.
**[23:46] Iyami**
The sextuplets don't
understand that at all!
**[23:50] Iyami**
Observe me, and get a clue.
Sheeeh, sheeeh, sheeeh!
***SIGN*** "Iyami Has Arrived" etc.
# E6 - Iyami Has Arrived
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6090DWP6/iyami-has-arrived)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Iyami Has Arrived"
**[01:34] Oso**
What? Seriously?
**[01:36] Oso**
Mom and Dad left on a trip?
**[01:38] Choro**
Yeah. Apparently.
**[01:40] Todo**
They didn't tell us, did they?
**[01:42] Kara**
Nope.
**[01:43] Jyu**
Didn't hear a thing.
**[01:44] Choro**
When I woke up, I found this letter.
***SIGN*** To our beloved NEETs, Your parents will be going on a trip by themselves. Well? Aren't you jealous? Aren't adults who actually work for a living great, NEETs? We get to go to a hot spring if we randomly feel like it.
**[01:48] Ichi**
"To our beloved NEETs.
**[01:50] Ichi**
Your parents will be going
on a trip by themselves.
**[01:54] Ichi**
Well? Aren't you jealous?
**[01:56] Ichi**
Aren't adults who actually work
for a living great, NEETs?
**[01:59] Ichi**
We get to go to a hot spring
if we randomly feel like it.
**[02:02] Ichi**
We won't be back for a few days, so kthnxbye."
**[02:07] Kara**
Well, that's not nice.
**[02:09] Todo**
It's not. Our parents totally
tried to egg us on.
**[02:11] Ichi**
"PS: Allow us to yell at you in advance.
**[02:15] Ichi**
What are you talking about?!
Who do you think you are?!
**[02:17] Ichi**
Just because your parents
left for a couple of days!
**[02:20] Ichi**
You should be ashamed
of yourselves, you assholes!
**[02:22] Ichi**
That is all. Love, Mom and Dad."
**[02:24] Todo**
Was that even necessary?
They just went off on us as a PS!
**[02:27] Oso**
And why are they yelling at us in advance?!
**[02:29] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[02:30] Choro**
So, yeah. That's apparently what's going on,
so let's try to survive for a couple of days.
**[02:36] Choro**
Look, it seems like they left
us a little bit of money.
**[02:40] Choro**
I'm sure nothing too bad will happen.
**[02:43] Todo**
Looks like something already did.
**[02:45] Oso**
Huh? It's gone!
**[02:46] Oso**
There's nothing in here!
**[02:49] Todo**
Way to go, Choromatsu-niisan!
**[02:52] Oso**
That's mine!
**[02:55] Oso**
That's my money!
**[02:57] Kara**
Go, Choromatsu! Leave this to us!
**[02:59] Jyu**
Go, Choromatsu-niisan! Don't worry about us!
**[03:02] Ichi**
Hurry!
**[03:03] Todo**
That money's basically our lifeline,
so make sure you hide it somewhere safe.
**[03:08] Choro**
Got it.
**[03:12] Todo**
What now?
**[03:13] Todo**
What's—
**[03:20] Todo**
I-Iyami?
**[03:22] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
**[03:25] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh...
**[03:26] Choro**
Hey, don't come in here!
**[03:27] Choro**
Don't come in here! Hey!
**[03:29] Oso**
Wait, why are you so beat up?
**[03:32] Iyami**
H-Help me, Osomatsu...
**[03:36] Todo**
Stop!
**[03:39] Iyami**
Me hasn't eaten anything in so long...
**[03:42] Oso**
Oh, really? Go home.
**[03:43] Iyami**
Me is going to die.
**[03:44] Oso**
Go home.
**[03:45] Iyami**
Going to die...
**[03:46] Oso**
Leave.
**[03:50] Iyami**
There's something wrong with this world.
**[03:53] Iyami**
Me worked so hard, and yet look at me!
**[03:56] Iyami**
Me hasn't been able to
save any money at all!
**[03:58] Iyami**
Me worked...
**[04:00] (Flashback) Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[04:02] Iyami**
And worked...
***SIGN*** Here's your box
**[04:04] (Flashback) Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[04:05] Iyami**
And worked...
***SIGN*** Redo!! Go back to
the country! You suck!
**[04:07] (Flashback) Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Now hiring!
***SIGN*** Totally free!! Pink Salon Iyami
***SIGN*** Totally free
**[04:08] Iyami**
Worked, worked, and worked some more...
**[04:12] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[04:15] Iyami**
Ah, this is the true meaning
of social polarization.
**[04:18] Choro**
Society has nothing to do with this, does it?
**[04:20] Choro**
It's just that you sucked
at your jobs, right?
**[04:22] Iyami**
And so me is going to let you all save
a poor victim of society like myself.
**[04:31] Iyami**
Me is going to let you save—
**[04:36] Choro**
Let's throw him into the ocean.
**[04:38] Oso**
Roger!
**[04:40] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[04:43] Iyami**
What's the big idea? Me almost died!
**[04:46] Oso**
Don't worry. You'll live to be 4,000.
**[04:49] Iyami**
Damn it. Don't you have a conscience at all?
**[04:52] Choro**
Not in the least, surprisingly.
**[04:54] Iyami**
What about compassion?!
**[04:55] Ichi**
Nope, surprisingly.
**[04:58] Iyami**
Don't say that! We're old friends!
**[05:01] Iyami**
Just feed me a little!
**[05:03] Iyami**
Take care of me!
**[05:04] Iyami**
Please? Please?
**[05:08] Todo**
No!
**[05:12] Kara**
We get that you've hit some hard times,
**[05:15] Kara**
but we're also in a crisis
ourselves because we're stuck
**[05:20] Kara**
with our stupid, useless, piece of
shit eldest brother for a few days
**[05:23] Kara**
without our parents.
**[05:24] Oso**
Yeah!
**[05:28] Choro**
We don't have any money to give you.
**[05:30] Choro**
So go on, get lost.
**[05:32] Iyami**
Money? Food?
**[05:33] Iyami**
What are you talking about?
**[05:36] Iyami**
Me doesn't need anything so luxurious.
**[05:41] Iyami**
Let's see...
**[05:43] Iyami**
Th-These are... losing horse race tickets!
**[05:46] Iyami**
Are you going to throw them away?
**[05:48] Oso**
Of course. They're losing tickets.
**[05:51] Iyami**
What do you think?
**[05:54] Iyami**
They're safe!
**[05:59] Oso**
Hey! What the heck are you doing?!
**[06:01] Iyami**
I can get a really good stock from these.
**[06:03] Oso**
Huh?!
**[06:04] Iyami**
Are you going to get rid of this?
**[06:06] Jyu**
Yeah, we are. Because that's
last week's horse race paper.
**[06:13] Iyami**
It's safe!
**[06:15] Jyu**
What are you doing?!
***SIGN*** With DVD Pachinko Winning Guide
***SIGN*** Kokko-chan Osomatsu-sama
***SIGN*** This might be okay!
**[06:18] Kara**
They're old magazines.
Of course we're pitching them.
**[06:21] Iyami**
Me is going to try deep-frying these.
**[06:24] Kara**
What?! Why?!
**[06:25] Todo**
We're tossing those.
**[06:26] Ichi**
We're tossing them.
***SIGN*** Canned Bonito
***SIGN*** Tuna
***SIGN*** Job Hunting
**[06:27] Choro**
Tossing.
**[06:28] Kara**
Tossing.
**[06:29] Oso**
Tossing.
**[06:30] Kara**
Tossing.
**[06:31] Choro**
Tossing.
**[06:32] Ichi**
Tossing.
**[06:33] Jyushi**
Tossing.
**[06:34] Todo**
Tossing.
**[06:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:43] Iyami**
Iyami's full-course meal is complete.
**[06:46] Iyami**
Me hasn't been able to
splurge this much in ages.
**[06:49] Iyami**
Me is going to dig right in!
**[06:57] Iyami**
Delicious! The zero-yen cost as the
secret ingredient sure hits the spot.
**[07:03] Iyami**
So good!
**[07:04] Ichi**
Seriously?
**[07:05] Choro**
He's not human...
**[07:07] Todo**
Go home! Please!
**[07:09] Oso**
Don't end up like this in
the future, Karamatsu.
**[07:11] Kara**
Don't end up like this in
the future, Osomatsu.
**[07:14] Oso**
Be careful.
**[07:15] Kara**
You better be careful.
**[07:16] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:25] Choro**
What's wrong with him?
**[07:27] Oso**
I-Iyami?
**[07:28] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[07:29] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[07:30] Iyami**
My stomach... My stomach!
**[07:32] Both**
Your stomach?
**[07:33] Iyami**
My stomach hurts! Sheeeh!
**[07:35] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:37] Oso**
Hey, you can't be serious!
**[07:40] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:41] Kara**
The bathroom's over there!
**[07:42] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:44] Jyushi**
The bathroom's over there!
**[07:45] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:46] Choro**
What the hell is he doing?
**[07:47] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:48] Choro**
What is this ridiculousness?!
**[07:48] Iyami**
It's coming out!
**[07:51] Oso**
We're telling you the bathroom's over there!
**[07:53] Iyami**
B-But using the bathroom
would be such a waste!
**[07:55] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:56] Iyami**
It's a waste of paper and water!
**[07:58] Oso**
Just hurry up and go, you idiot!
**[07:59] Oso**
It'll be 100 times worse
if you shit yourself!
**[08:01] Iyami**
It's all right. As long as me has this.
**[08:05] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:12] Six**
Hey!
**[08:14] Iyami**
Surprisingly, me loves cleanliness.
**[08:19] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:27] Iyami**
This is my special technique: Washeeehlet!
**[08:30] Iyami**
Me took care of business
without spending any money.
**[08:32] Six**
How?!
**[08:34] Six**
What are we going to do with him?!
**[08:35] Six**
At this rate, our house
is going to be destroyed.
**[08:38] Six**
Let's just treat him for the
meal and get him out of here.
**[08:42] Todo**
Here, wipe.
**[08:43] Iyami**
Thank you kindly.
**[08:45] Jyushi**
Hide your front.
**[08:46] Iyami**
Thanks.
**[08:48] Ichi**
Here.
**[08:50] Iyami**
Me gladly accepts.
**[08:54] Iyami**
Sheeeh! So good!
**[08:56] Iyami**
This is much easier to eat than trash.
**[09:00] Oso**
So he was really just trying
to get a meal out of us.
**[09:03] Kara**
Don't end up like this, Osomatsu.
**[09:05] Oso**
Don't be like this, Karamatsu.
**[09:07] Choro**
Iyami.
**[09:09] Choro**
After you eat that, go home.
**[09:11] Iyami**
But of course.
**[09:13] Choro**
I'm serious.
**[09:14] Iyami**
Oh, come now. Even me wouldn't
overstay my welcome.
**[09:25] Iyami**
Me is sorry for all the trouble.
**[09:27] Kara**
Leave after you eat that.
**[09:29] Iyami**
But of course.
**[09:31] Kara**
It's a promise.
**[09:32] Iyami**
Of course!
**[09:32] Iyami**
You know, you six are actually really nice.
**[09:37] Iyami**
Despite saying no, you ended
up feeding me anyway.
**[09:41] Iyami**
That proves you're all pure-hearted.
**[09:45] Kara**
But you're still going home today.
**[09:47] Kara**
Got it?
**[09:48] Iyami**
Of course.
**[09:52] Jyu**
Here, Iyami.
**[09:54] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Are you sure?!
**[09:56] Jyu**
Just once. Since you're here.
**[09:58] Iyami**
Me can feel the love.
**[10:02] Ichi**
Here. Have this.
**[10:04] Iyami**
Oh, you shouldn't have!
**[10:07] Ichi**
It's nothing.
**[10:08] Iyami**
You're so kind!
**[10:12] Iyami**
Everyone! Allow me to
introduce these gentlemen.
**[10:16] Iyami**
These blessed, honorable sextuplets here
are the true saviors of the world!
**[10:20] Iyami**
These godly sextuplets saved my life!
**[10:23] Iyami**
Worship them! Worship them!
**[10:25] Iyami**
Sheeeh! The exalted six are coming through!
**[10:28] Iyami**
They are so bright, me can't see!
**[10:33] Iyami**
This futon's so warm.
Me is so glad to be alive.
**[10:36] Iyami**
Me is blessed.
**[10:40] Todo**
Hey, Iyami.
**[10:43] Todo**
You can stay here forever.
**[10:45] Iyami**
B-But that's...
**[10:47] Todo**
I said it's fine.
Just let us take care of you.
**[10:51] Iyami**
Y-You guys...
**[10:54] Iyami**
Me will follow you six until my death.
**[10:58] Iyami**
And me will repay you for
your kindness one day.
**[11:05] Todo**
Oh, you idiot.
**[11:06] Choro**
I'm not sure why, but I feel like
I'll sleep really well today.
**[11:09] Jyu**
Yup.
**[11:11] Iyami**
Well, everyone, me bids you goodnight
with hopes of a hopeful tomorrow.
**[11:16] Six**
Night.
**[11:25] Oso**
What the hell is this?!
**[11:27] Five**
What?
**[11:30] Oso**
The money's gone, too!
**[11:32] Oso**
That bastard!
**[11:33] Oso**
Hey, Iyami! Where are you?!
**[11:35] Oso**
Come out!
**[11:37] Iyami**
What's the matter?
**[11:41] Oso**
Hey! Why are you wearing my shirt?!
**[11:45] Iyami**
Doesn't it look great on me?
**[11:46] Oso**
Take it off!
**[11:47] Iyami**
This belongs to me.
**[11:49] Iyami**
Social media games are so much fun!
**[11:52] Todo**
That's my smartphone!
No one said you could touch it!
**[11:56] Todo**
Level 520...
**[11:57] Todo**
How much real money did you spend on this?!
**[11:59] Iyami**
Me doesn't remember.
**[12:03] Oso**
You bastard, Iyami!
**[12:04] Oso**
What is your deal?
You said so yourself, didn't you?
**[12:07] Oso**
That you'd follow us until you
die and repay us someday?
**[12:11] Iyami**
Did me say anything like that?
**[12:13] Six**
Yes!
**[12:14] Iyami**
It doesn't matter anymore.
**[12:17] Iyami**
Me almost died yesterday,
and that's why me asked for help.
**[12:21] Iyami**
But now that me has had my fill and lots
of sleep, me is completely better!
**[12:24] Iyami**
Who cares about all of you?
**[12:26] Jyu**
But we helped you!
**[12:28] Iyami**
Oh? Is it really called helping when you're
just looking for something in return?
**[12:33] Ichi**
I knew we should've just abandoned you.
**[12:36] Iyami**
Abandoned? You're such heartless people!
**[12:42] Six**
Iyami...
**[12:45] Iyami**
Stop it! M-M-M-Me is sorry!
**[12:47] Iyami**
Forgive me!
**[12:50] Iyami**
It was just a whim!
**[12:52] Iyami**
Me will never do it again!
**[12:54] Iyami**
Me promises!
**[12:56] Oso**
Stop attacking us while you
say all that, you dumbass!
**[12:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[13:00] Iyami**
You six grew up living too comfortably!
You're no match for me!
**[13:04] Iyami**
Me is a true pro.
**[13:07] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[13:08] Iyami**
Me let my guard down...
**[13:10] Choro**
Do it!
**[13:11] Choro**
Even if I have to go with him!
**[13:13] Choro**
Kill him!
**[13:14] Iyami**
N-Now let's not get hasty!
We can talk this out!
**[13:18] Choro**
You're finished, Iyami.
**[13:23] Kara**
It's finally time to meet your maker.
**[13:25] Kara**
You're going to learn that
the world isn't so kind!
***SIGN*** The world isn't so kind!!
**[13:35] Choro**
Huh?
**[13:36] Todo**
Why, you little... You're all talk!
***SIGN*** You're all talk!
**[13:43] Choro**
Huh?
**[13:44] Jyushi**
That's enough, you freeloader!
***SIGN*** You freeloader!!
**[13:50] Choro**
Hey!
**[13:51] Choro**
All the words you're saying are turning into
boomerangs and coming back to stab you!
**[13:55] Choro**
You need to choose your
words wisely, or we're finished!
**[13:58] Ichi**
You pathetic adult who can't
do anything on your own!
***SIGN*** You pathetic adult who can't do anything on your own!!
**[14:04] Choro**
I told you to choose your words wisely!
**[14:06] Oso**
If you don't reflect upon your actions,
you're going to end up alone someday!
***SIGN*** If you don't reflect upon your actions, you're going to end up alone someday!
**[14:11] Choro**
Are you guys stupid?!
**[14:12] Kara**
Piece of shit!
**[14:13] Todo**
Trash!
**[14:13] Jyushi**
Filth!
**[14:14] Ichi**
You're awful!
**[14:15] Oso**
The worst!
**[14:16] Five**
People like you will get
what you deserve someday!
***SIGN*** People like you will get what you deserve someday!
**[14:22] Choro**
What is that?! It's not
even a boomerang anymore!
**[14:37] Iyami**
Huh? What happened?
**[14:41] Iyami**
Me apparently won. Me is so blessed!
**[14:45] Iyami**
Well, thanks for everything.
**[14:53] Iyami**
Of course the person who says
what's right is going to win.
**[14:56] Iyami**
That's how the world works.
**[14:58] Iyami**
Evil should die!
***SIGN*** Evil should die!
**[15:06] Iyami**
Sheh?!
**[15:16] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "I Want Some Friends, Jo"
**[15:31] Chibi**
Oh, hey, Hatabou.
Whaddya got on your face there?
**[15:35] Hata**
This is a robbery, jo.
**[15:36] Chibi**
Huh?
**[15:37] Hata**
This is a robbery, jo.
**[15:39] Hata**
Don't try anything funny,
and bring out your friends, jo.
**[15:44] Chibi**
Friends?
**[15:45] Chibi**
What are you even saying with
that toy pistol in your hand?
**[15:50] Chibi**
Huh?
**[15:55] Chibi**
Here.
**[15:58] Chibi**
Don't look so down, you idjit.
You're gonna bring me down, too.
**[16:07] Chibi**
Committing a robbery
because you want friends?
**[16:09] Chibi**
Trying to scare me with this so
I'd bring out my friends, huh...
**[16:12] Chibi**
Are you dumb?
**[16:17] Chibi**
Do you really not have any friends?
**[16:19] Chibi**
You have at least one,
don't you? Think really hard.
**[16:25] Chibi**
Remember your friend!
**[16:28] Chibi**
You have one, right?
**[16:33] Hata**
Nope, jo.
**[16:34] Chibi**
What?!
**[16:35] Chibi**
* That hurt! I don't count*
* as one of your friends?!*
**[16:40] Hata**
Everyone is nice, jo.
Everyone talks to me lots.
**[16:45] Chibi**
Right?
**[16:46] Hata**
But...
**[16:51] Chibi**
Well, whatever. You want friends, right?
**[16:53] Chibi**
All right. Then let's go
find you some friends.
**[16:57] Hata**
Jo?
**[16:58] Chibi**
Come on, let's go, you idjit.
**[17:04] Toto**
Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full.
**[17:08] Crowd**
One serving of squid!
**[17:10] Toto**
Love is an illusion.
**[17:11] Crowd**
Fish dried overnight!
**[17:13] Toto**
All people breathe through gills!
**[17:22] Toto**
So jealous...
**[17:24] Toto**
That just slipped out naturally! Scary!
**[17:26] Chibi**
Totoko-chan.
**[17:30] Toto**
Huh? Friends?
**[17:31] Chibi**
Yeah. He says he wants some.
**[17:34] Toto**
Huh... But I don't have any friends, either.
**[17:38] Chibi**
Wait, you don't?!
**[17:39] Toto**
No. I only have enemies.
**[17:43] Toto**
Okay, Hatabou, I'll be your friend.
**[17:47] Toto**
Huh? Wait, he doesn't want that?
**[17:49] Toto**
What's with that reaction, huh?
**[17:51] Chibi**
N-No, no, no, no, no... That's not...
**[17:54] Toto**
Then what's it supposed to mean?
**[17:55] Chibi**
M-Maybe he's being shy...
**[17:57] Toto**
Really?!
**[17:58] Chibi**
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[18:00] Toto**
Oh, I know.
**[18:01] Toto**
Want to ask someone else, then?
**[18:03] ---**
Jo?
**[18:05] Todo**
Huh? You want friends?
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[18:10] Todo**
Wait. What are friends, anyway?
**[18:13] Chibi**
What?!
**[18:14] Toto**
I see. So "friend" doesn't even exist
in Todomatsu-kun's vocabulary.
**[18:19] Todo**
That's some kind of folktale, right?
**[18:20] Todo**
It's some kind of institution
that existed in the Edo period.
**[18:23] Chibi**
No, you idjit! They exist now, too!
**[18:25] Todo**
What? It still exists?
**[18:26] Todo**
This institution called "friends"?
**[18:27] Chibi**
It's not an institution!
**[18:28] Toto**
Todomatsu-kun, you know a lot
of people, so do you know
**[18:31] Toto**
anyone who might be Hatabou's friend?
**[18:36] Todo**
Honestly, isn't that pretty hard?
**[18:38] Todo**
Becoming Hatabou's friend
seems pretty difficult.
**[18:41] Chibi**
Hey!
**[18:42] Todo**
Well, I'll see if I can find anyone.
**[18:44] Toto**
Thanks.
**[18:46] Jyu**
Huh? Hatabou?
**[18:48] Jyu**
Roger!
**[18:49] Ichi**
Friends? Oh, really?
**[18:53] Choro**
He wants friends? Hatabou?
**[18:56] Kara**
Friend.
**[18:58] Kara**
It has a nice ring to it. Leave it to me!
**[19:01] Oso**
Too tired. Too much work.
**[19:03] Deka**
Friends? Well, they're very important.
**[19:07] Dayon**
I want some, too.
**[19:14] Ichi**
A friend for Hatabou... Who'd be best?
**[19:18] Toto**
Probably someone nice?
**[19:20] Jyushi**
Well, Hatabou is pretty timid.
**[19:22] Ichi**
You really don't have even one?
**[19:25] Hata**
Nope, jo.
**[19:26] Kara**
Can you think of someone
who might be your friend?
**[19:29] Deka**
What kind of person do you consider a friend?
**[19:34] Dayon**
Take your time.
**[19:37] Todo**
Yeah, think it through.
**[19:43] Hata**
No idea, jo.
**[19:44] Oso**
What?! Seriously?
**[19:46] Oso**
How are we supposed to find one, then?
What's wrong with you?
**[19:52] Group**
What's wrong with you?
**[19:54] Group**
Come on, Hatabou.
**[19:56] Ichi**
Where do friends exist, anyway?
This is hard, Hatabou.
**[20:00] Hata**
It is, jo.
**[20:02] Todo**
You know, this is all up to you, Hatabou.
**[20:05] Todo**
Do you want someone cheerful
or someone funny?
**[20:07] Oso**
Or someone to lend you money
when you're in trouble?
**[20:09] Choro**
That's what you want.
**[20:11] Jyushi**
What kind of friend do you want, Hatabou?
**[20:15] Hata**
I don't know, jo.
**[20:16] Todo**
Yeah, it's hard. If we could figure
that out, it'd make things way easier.
**[20:20] Ichi**
Oh, then...
**[20:22] Ichi**
Want to go look for one somewhere tomorrow?
**[20:24] Jyu**
Huh? A friend?
**[20:25] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[20:26] Hata**
That sounds like fun, jo.
**[20:27] Deka**
Or I could make you a robot
friend at my laboratory.
**[20:32] Hata**
Jo?
**[20:32] Oso**
Hey, that's a good idea.
**[20:35] Kara**
Nice one, Dekapan.
**[20:36] Dayon**
I'll help!
**[20:38] Toto**
Wait, you guys. Hatabou doesn't
look too happy about that.
**[20:44] Oso**
We're just kidding, Hatabou.
**[20:45] Kara**
Don't take it seriously.
**[20:47] Choro**
You dummy.
**[20:55] Six**
Come on.
**[20:57] Six**
What's wrong with you, man?
**[21:03] Chibi**
Hey, Hatabou. So, did you find some friends?
**[21:07] All**
Oden!
**[21:09] All**
We were waiting for this!
**[21:13] Hata**
Everyone, thanks for everything today, jo.
**[21:15] Hata**
See you later, jo.
**[21:17] Ichi**
Yeah, see ya later.
**[21:19] Hata**
Bye-bye, jo.
**[21:20] All**
Bye!
**[21:24] Chibi**
Sheesh... Saying he wants friends,
after all we've been through?
**[21:28] Deka**
He might've just gotten a little insecure.
**[21:31] Choro**
Insecure?
**[21:33] Dayon**
An unidentified loneliness.
**[21:35] Toto**
I see...
**[21:39] Chibi**
I guess you six wouldn't understand.
**[21:46] Chibi**
I'm sure you've gotten through to him.
**[21:48] Chibi**
Everything should be okay now.
**[21:53] Man**
It's an emergency!
There's been a bank robbery!
**[21:57] Hata**
Bring it out, jo.
**[21:59] Hata**
A sweet, cute girlfriend with a great
personality who only has eyes for me, jo.
**[22:07] Hata**
Hand over a girlfriend, jo! I'm Hatabou!
**[22:10] Chibi**
*This is beyond me, you idjit.*
**[22:12] Chibi**
Now, jo! Give me a girlfriend!
***SIGN*** End
**[22:14] Chibi**
*You're on your own.*
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:47] Todo**
Flirting, mixers, having
encounters, and using apps.
**[23:49] Todo**
A meeting between a boy and girl...
Talk about troubled times!
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu and Todomatsu" etc.
**[23:51] Todo**
Totty wants to get better at all of that!
# E7 - Osomatsu and Todomatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY19EG7QR/osomatsu-and-todomatsu)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Cavematsu-san
**[00:05] All**
Cavematsu-san!
***SIGN*** Museum
**[00:52] Lady**
And this is the biggest
exhibit at our museum,
**[00:55] Lady**
a petrified mammoth.
**[00:58] Lady**
For some reason, there were
dead cavemen in its body.
**[01:01] Lady**
How did this happen?
**[01:03] Lady**
Experts are still unable to explain it.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Sangokushi-san
**[02:45] Nar**
*So for whatever reason,*
**[02:47] Nar**
* we're doing The Romance of*
* the Three Kingdoms this time.*
***SIGN*** Wu
***SIGN*** Wei
***SIGN*** Shu
**[02:51] Nar**
* Around 2000 AD, the Chinese*
* kingdoms of Wei, Wu, and Shu*
**[02:56] Nar**
* opposed each other and were*
* fighting hard for supremacy.*
**[03:00] Nar**
* However, did you know there*
* was actually a fourth force*
**[03:04] Nar**
*that also existed around this time?*
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[03:06] Nar**
*Its name was... Matsu.*
***SIGN*** Nihao
***SIGN*** Matsu Castle
***SIGN*** Unify
the Country
**[03:10] Nar**
*What kind of kingdom was Matsu?*
***SIGN*** Emperor
***SIGN*** Sake
**[03:14] Nar**
*This was Matsu.*
**[03:16] Oso**
We're going to win!
**[03:18] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[03:19] Oso**
We're going to attack!
**[03:20] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[03:22] Oso**
Let's take over the country!
**[03:23] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[03:27] Oso**
Man, it's so fun being me.
Everything is so merry.
**[03:30] Oso**
Let's hurry up and take
over the country, ‘kay?
**[03:32] Choro**
Emperor.
**[03:33] Choro**
Our empire is small, yet very powerful.
**[03:35] Choro**
With our numbers, we'll have no
problem taking over the country.
**[03:39] Oso**
Really? You sound pretty shady.
**[03:41] Choro**
First, there is something called a
strategist that you need in any battle.
**[03:46] Oso**
Strategist?
**[03:49] Oso**
That's the strategist?
**[03:49] Oso**
He's got snot dripping from his nose.
Can he be trusted?
**[03:53] Oso**
He's eating peaches now.
Does he like peaches or something?
**[03:55] Jyu**
I love them!
**[03:56] Jyu**
Love them! Love them!
**[03:56] Oso**
And he's speaking pretty
casually to the emperor.
**[03:58] Jyu**
I love peaches!
**[03:58] Choro**
Then we have the brave general.
**[04:00] Oso**
Brave general?
**[04:05] Choro**
He's filled with loyalty and combative
spirit. He's extremely reliable.
**[04:08] Kara**
Emperor! Emp'ror!
**[04:13] Oso**
Huh? What's he saying?
**[04:15] Kara**
Em'ror!
**[04:16] Oso**
Isn't he taking his title a bit far?
Brave seems to have turned into crazy.
**[04:22] Oso**
Yeah, I can't hear him at all.
**[04:29] Oso**
Uh, he died? What?!
**[04:30] Choro**
And then we have the barbarian king.
**[04:32] ---**
What's a barbarian king?
**[04:34] Choro**
He usually doesn't work under any authority,
but if you can tame him,
**[04:37] Choro**
he's sure to prove useful.
**[04:39] Choro**
He's absolutely necessary
to establish a kingdom.
**[04:41] Oso**
Uh, but he just took a dump.
***SIGN*** Lord
***SIGN*** Sake
**[04:44] Oso**
Do people usually poop
this much? Is he okay?
**[04:48] Oso**
You're still not done?
You can seriously stop.
**[04:50] Oso**
I don't want any of this!
**[04:51] Choro**
Then we have the youthful talent.
**[04:54] Choro**
A hundred generals, a thousand...
Who knows how much he'll grow?
**[04:57] Kara**
Hey, you! You need to train properly!
**[05:00] Todo**
What? I just got yelled at.
**[05:02] Todo**
Yeah, I quit. I'm going to another kingdom.
**[05:05] Oso**
He's a millennial. Don't need him.
**[05:07] Oso**
So, who are you?
**[05:09] Choro**
I am a civil servant who aids
in governing the empire.
**[05:12] Choro**
I'll use my intelligence and experience
to one day cause a coup d'état
***SIGN*** Totoko
**[05:15] Choro**
and steal the position of emperor.
**[05:17] Oso**
You're the most worthless one here!
Who do you think you are?!
**[05:19] Choro**
Now, my emperor.
**[05:20] Choro**
You should stop yapping so we can
hurry up and attack our enemies!
**[05:23] Oso**
You're the one who started yapping.
**[05:26] Oso**
Well, I guess we can give it a try.
Hey, someone get a map!
***SIGN*** Emperor
**[05:29] All**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
***SIGN*** Wei
***SIGN*** Shu
***SIGN*** Wu
**[05:43] Oso**
By the way, how do you even
read this? I can't read it.
**[05:47] Kara**
Strategist! How do you read this?
**[05:49] Jyu**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Wei
**[05:49] Choro**
Well, this place looks strong,
so let's not go here.
**[05:52] Choro**
It has the character for "ogre" in it.
**[05:54] All**
Yeah, yeah.
**[05:55] Ichi**
I don't wanna go here.
It has "bug" in it. I don't like bugs.
***SIGN*** Shu
**[05:59] All**
Yeah, yeah.
**[06:01] Jyushi**
Then that leaves...
***SIGN*** Wu
**[06:02] Jyushi**
this one, "Kure."
**[06:05] Oso**
Okay. We're going to kick Kure's ass!
**[06:07] All**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[06:09] Oso**
We're going to attack!
**[06:10] All**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[06:12] Oso**
Let's take over the country!
**[06:13] All**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
***SIGN*** Welcome
***SIGN*** Matsu Castle
**[06:15] Oso**
Go!
***SIGN*** Matsu Castle
***SIGN*** Unify the Country
**[06:28] Todo**
It's too far! We're never going
to get there by running!
**[06:32] Choro**
Where is Kure? I'm beat.
**[06:34] Kara**
This is where the strategist comes in.
Do you have any good strategies?
**[06:38] Jyushi**
Peaches!
**[06:39] Ichi**
So good.
**[06:40] Jyushi**
Strategist!
**[06:42] Todo**
Wanna quit taking over the country, then?
**[06:44] Oso**
Huh?
**[06:46] Todo**
I'm honestly not too serious about this.
**[06:49] Todo**
I just sorta wanted to yell, "As you wish!
Yes, yes," along with everyone else.
**[06:51] Oso**
Huh?
**[06:53] Ichi**
Me, too.
**[06:53] ---**
Huh?
**[06:54] Choro**
Same goes for me.
**[06:55] Oso**
Huh?!
**[06:56] Choro**
Me, too.
**[06:57] Jyushi**
Me, too!
**[06:57] Oso**
What?! All of you?!
**[06:58] Ichi**
I just wanted to have fun with everyone.
**[07:02] Choro**
Shouldn't make this a job.
Should just keep this a hobby.
**[07:06] Oso**
You guys can't be serious!
That's not what you said earlier!
**[07:09] Kara**
Shut up!
**[07:13] Kara**
Who's there?
**[07:21] Guy**
I'm fine now.
**[07:24] Oso**
May I ask you for your name?
**[07:26] Guy**
My name is Sousou.
**[07:29] All**
S-Sousou?
**[07:32] Jyu**
Who's that?
**[07:32] Ichi**
No idea. What a weird name.
**[07:35] Todo**
Such a weird name.
**[07:38] Sou**
I am the prime minister of
the great country of China!
**[07:41] All**
Th-The prime minister of China?
**[07:43] Jyushi**
What's China? Some kind of kingdom?
**[07:45] Ichi**
No idea. What a weird name.
**[07:46] Todo**
Such a weird name.
**[07:51] Oso**
More importantly, doesn't your attitude
sort of suck, considering we just saved you?
**[07:54] Kara**
Yeah, I thought that, too.
Sousou-dono should be thanking us first.
**[07:58] Oso**
Yup, yup.
**[08:02] Oso**
I didn't mean that as a pun on your
name. It was just a coincidence.
**[08:06] Oso**
It was! Come on, you're embarrassing me.
**[08:10] Sou**
Wh-What are all of you doing here?
**[08:14] Jyushi**
Huh? We're getting ready
to take over the country.
**[08:16] Sou**
With your numbers?
**[08:17] Jyushi**
What about you, old man? Whatcha doin'?
**[08:19] Jyushi**
Were you fighting?
**[08:22] Sou**
I was at the Battle of the Red Cliffs.
**[08:24] Six**
Red Cliffs?
**[08:25] Sou**
It's a crucial battle that may decide
who will rule over the country.
**[08:29] Sou**
I've been slightly delayed,
but I can't continue to sit here.
**[08:32] Kara**
Hey, what are you doing?
**[08:34] Choro**
You're going back with those wounds?
**[08:36] Sou**
Yes.
**[08:37] Ichi**
Well, that's stupid. You really shouldn't.
**[08:39] Jyushi**
There's no way you can win
when you're that beat up.
**[08:41] Sou**
But this battle will decide
the fate of the country!
**[08:45] Oso**
Well, who cares about the country?
**[08:48] Oso**
We're more worried about your health.
**[08:51] Todo**
There's no point if you die.
**[08:53] Choro**
It's probably better to run right now.
**[08:55] Kara**
Rest.
**[08:56] Ichi**
There are just some things you can't do.
**[08:58] Oso**
Just give it up.
**[09:00] Jyushi**
Go home, go home.
**[09:11] Sou**
It could be that it is men
like you who are honest,
**[09:16] Sou**
earnest, and without malice who will
lead these troubled times to peace.
**[09:23] Sou**
Hopefully we'll meet again.
**[09:26] Sou**
Thanks for everything.
**[09:32] Jyushi**
Did he just compliment us?
**[09:33] Choro**
Apparently.
**[09:35] Ichi**
I feel good.
**[09:36] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:38] Oso**
Come to think of it, I think I've
heard the name "Sousou" before.
**[09:41] Kara**
Is he someone important?
**[09:42] Oso**
Yup, yup.
***SIGN*** Wei
***SIGN*** Wu
**[09:58] Oso**
So these are the Red Cliffs...
**[10:00] Kara**
I'm sure we can do it if we try.
**[10:02] Todo**
Let's do this!
**[10:03] Jyushi**
We can do it.
**[10:05] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[10:05] Choro**
I won't let this end as a hobby.
**[10:07] Oso**
Let's win!
**[10:09] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[10:10] Oso**
Let's attack!
**[10:11] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[10:13] Oso**
Let's take over the country!
**[10:14] Five**
As you wish! Yes, yes!
**[10:21] Oso**
Charge!
**[10:38] Jyu**
B-B-Boehba!
**[10:59] Sou**
I placed my hope in them, but...
**[11:04] Sou**
I was wrong!
***SIGN*** Fin
**[11:09] oso**
Yay!
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu and Todomatsu"
**[11:10] oso**
It's a mixer! It's a mixer festival!
**[11:14] Oso**
Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er!
**[11:16] Todo**
Uh, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[11:18] Todo**
What's with that dance? Weirdo.
**[11:20] Todo**
And if you go to a mixer hyped up like that,
you're gonna fail for sure, so just stop.
**[11:24] Oso**
Everyone! Today's the day I get a girlfriend!
**[11:26] Todo**
A girlfriend? As if.
**[11:28] Oso**
I might actually graduate
from being a virgin!
**[11:31] Todo**
You know, Osomatsu-niisan,
we've never even met these girls before.
**[11:35] Oso**
Thank you so much, Totty!
**[11:36] Todo**
Close, close, close, way too close!
**[11:37] Oso**
I mean, you have five older brothers, right?
***SIGN*** Please throw away your garbage here
**[11:40] Oso**
You made the right choice by choosing me.
**[11:43] Oso**
I'm the funniest and the most popular. Nice!
**[11:46] Todo**
Uh, it's not like I actually picked you.
**[11:48] Todo**
You said you won at the horse races,
**[11:50] Todo**
so as long as you pay for stuff, it's all good.
**[11:51] Oso**
Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er!
**[11:53] Todo**
He's not even listening!
He's a total weirdo today!
**[11:56] Oso**
Say it with me!
**[11:58] todo**
Let's review this mixer.
***SIGN*** Atsushi
***SIGN*** Introduced
**[12:00] Todo**
There'll be two girls.
**[12:02] Todo**
They're two girls that my friend,
Atsushi-kun, hooked us up with.
**[12:05] Todo**
They're around our age and are employed.
***SIGN*** No Boyfriends
**[12:07] Todo**
No boyfriends.
**[12:08] Todo**
Again, I haven't met them yet, so I won't
know more details until we meet them.
**[12:12] Todo**
Okay?
**[12:12] Oso**
Man, it's starting to feel real all of a sudden.
This is totally different from porn.
**[12:17] Todo**
This part's really important.
**[12:19] Todo**
This is an important factor for you
to make this mixer work out:
**[12:22] Todo**
to try to restrain your lust.
**[12:24] Oso**
My lust?
**[12:25] Todo**
Yeah. That's your worst enemy.
**[12:29] Oso**
Oh, true. I guess I am a bit
pervier than other people.
**[12:33] Todo**
You're not pervy, you're just gross.
**[12:35] Oso**
Wow, you're not holding back, baby bro.
**[12:37] Todo**
So, for today, get rid of any dreams of
wanting to do something pervy to them,
**[12:41] Todo**
hitting them with dirty jokes, or telling them
what you want to do with them later tonight.
**[12:45] Todo**
Eradicate all those thoughts!
**[12:48] Todo**
This is to make them like you! Promise me!
**[12:57] Todo**
Hey, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
Are you free right now?
**[13:00] Oso**
Totty!
**[13:00] Oso**
I got it, Totty! I promise, Totty!
**[13:04] Oso**
But if you tie me down too much,
all my charm is going to disappear.
**[13:20] Oso**
Todomatsu.
**[13:22] Todo**
Welcome back.
**[13:23] Oso**
Here's your smartphone. Thanks.
**[13:26] Todo**
Well? Have you calmed down?
**[13:28] Oso**
Yeah. I have.
**[13:32] Oso**
You don't need to scrub it that hard.
I didn't get it dirty.
**[13:37] Todo**
I just got a message.
They say they'll be here in a bit.
**[13:42] Oso**
Okay. I'm going to do my best,
and no joking around.
**[13:45] Oso**
I'll do everything you said,
and I'll make it a great mixer.
**[13:48] Oso**
This is our chance to meet girls.
**[13:50] Todo**
Yes, so get those evil
thoughts out of your head.
**[13:52] Oso**
Got it. Let's do our best.
**[13:55] Todo**
But you don't have to get
that worked up about it.
**[13:57] Todo**
Just relax and drink like you normally do.
**[13:59] Oso**
Todomatsu.
**[14:01] Oso**
Here.
**[14:02] Todo**
Huh? Come on, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[14:06] Todo**
It's not like two brothers over
twenty are going to share
**[14:08] Todo**
a passionate handshake at a mixer
before the girls get here...
**[14:12] ---**
Let's do this!
**[14:13] Todo**
Let's make this the best!
**[14:15] Oso**
We're gonna be popular!
**[14:23] Both**
*They're here!*
**[14:31] Guy**
I've brought your appetizers.
**[14:33] Both**
It's just an employee?!
**[14:37] Three**
Cheers!
**[14:41] Miwa**
So good. Beer is the best.
**[14:45] Todo**
You like beer?
**[14:46] Kumi**
Yeah. We can drink it forever.
**[14:49] Todo**
Yeah?
**[14:50] Miwa**
This is the stuff.
**[14:52] Todo**
You sound like some old guy.
**[14:54] Miwa**
I get that all the time.
**[14:55] Kumi**
Well, you are an old guy on the inside.
**[14:57] Miwa**
Don't say that.
**[14:59] Todo**
I think it's because of the contrast.
**[15:02] Todo**
You look so cute, so I bet
that just surprises everyone.
**[15:05] Miwa**
Listen to him, sneaking a compliment in.
**[15:08] Kumi**
I'm gonna blush.
**[15:10] Oso**
*I can't do it!*
**[15:12] Oso**
* There's no way I can drink and have*
* a normal conversation with a real girl!*
**[15:17] Oso**
* How's he acting normal, anyway?*
* Why's he so used to this?*
**[15:19] Oso**
*So gross!*
**[15:20] Oso**
* I mean, she's wearing a one-piece*
* dress and has big boobs.*
**[15:23] Oso**
* How can he have a conversation without any*
* dirty jokes when he's faced with that?*
**[15:27] Oso**
*And the girl next to her has no sleeves!*
**[15:29] Oso**
*She's wearing a no-sleeve sweater!*
**[15:31] Oso**
*She was wearing a coat when she came in!*
**[15:33] Oso**
* Is it winter magic when she takes*
* it off and is suddenly wearing less?*
**[15:35] Oso**
* What the hell is winter magic?*
* That doesn't exist!*
**[15:38] Oso**
*All their mannerisms are cute.*
**[15:40] Oso**
*She nonchalantly showed off her armpit!*
**[15:42] Oso**
* Plus they keep playing*
* footsie with me down here.*
**[15:44] Oso**
* When they go to the bathroom,*
* their bare legs are super close!*
**[15:48] Oso**
*I can't...*
**[15:50] Oso**
*This situation is brutal for virgins!*
**[15:52] Oso**
* Sage mode is going to be*
* undone in two seconds!*
**[15:54] Oso**
*Isn't this sexual harassment towards virgins?*
**[15:56] Oso**
*This is cherry harassment, isn't it?*
**[15:58] Oso**
*Ugh!*
**[16:02] Oso**
*I'm so happy I came here today.*
**[16:05] Oso**
* I'll stop fighting it now.*
* I've always lived true to myself.*
**[16:11] Todo**
Hey.
**[16:11] Todo**
Hey, are you listening?
***SIGN*** Izakaya Nen
**[16:13] Todo**
Kumi-chan and Miwa-chan asked
**[16:14] Todo**
what you think about this ultra
super spicy habanero soup.
***SIGN*** Ultra Super Spicy Habanero Soup
**[16:17] Kumi**
Doesn't that sound like fun?
**[16:18] Miwa**
Do you like spicy food?
**[16:24] Oso**
Boobs.
**[16:25] Todo**
Huh?
**[16:26] Oso**
Boobs.
**[16:30] Todo**
* You idiot! How many times did I tell*
* you not to say stuff like that?!*
**[16:34] Todo**
* You can't even last ten*
* minutes since we started?!*
**[16:36] Miwa**
Wait, what?
**[16:37] Kumi**
Boobs?
**[16:38] Todo**
What?! No, no, no!
**[16:40] Todo**
He didn't say boobs!
**[16:41] Todo**
A bunch! You said that they should
try a bunch of that soup, right?
**[16:46] Todo**
Thanks! I actually love spicy stuff!
**[16:49] Kumi**
I-I see.
**[16:51] Miwa**
Should we get more drinks?
**[16:52] Oso**
I want to kiss you (chuu shitai).
**[16:53] Both**
Huh?
**[16:54] Todo**
No, no, no, no! That's not what he said!
**[16:56] Todo**
He said he wanted chuhai! That's just what
he says when he wants to drink chuhai.
**[17:00] Todo**
You've heard that before, right?
**[17:02] Miwa**
S-Sure...
**[17:04] Kumi**
Wh-What else should we get?
**[17:05] Oso**
I want to become one (ketsugou) at a hotel.
**[17:06] ---**
Huh?
**[17:07] Todo**
No! He didn't say he wanted to
become one with you at a hotel!
**[17:11] Todo**
He said he wanted to rub his ass
(ketsu goshi) with scallops (hotate).
**[17:14] Todo**
Everyone feels like that, right?
Especially when they drink.
**[17:17] Todo**
Right?
**[17:19] Guy**
Thanks for waiting.
**[17:24] Todo**
Chuhai! Chuhai is the best!
**[17:27] Todo**
And then...
**[17:30] Todo**
So spicy!
**[17:32] Todo**
And then...
**[17:33] Todo**
Scrubbing my butt with scallops.
Scrubbing my butt with scallops.
**[17:37] Todo**
Scrubby scrub. Scrubby scrub.
**[17:39] Todo**
You can't help doing this
when you drink, right?
**[17:43] ---**
Scrubby scrub, scrubby scrub.
**[17:46] Todo**
Why are you looking at me like that?!
It's all your fault this happened!
**[17:51] Todo**
Oh, sorry. Did I hype things
up too much on my own?
**[17:55] Todo**
I'll go cool my head in the bathroom.
**[17:57] Todo**
Excuse us.
**[17:59] Todo**
You friggin' dumbass!
**[18:02] Todo**
I told you not to do that! Why did you
have to lose to your lust, Osomatsu?
**[18:06] Todo**
Get your act together, Osomatsu!
**[18:08] Todo**
Osomatsu...
**[18:10] Oso**
I-I can't...
**[18:12] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:13] Oso**
Please understand, Totty.
**[18:14] Oso**
I know I should control it.
**[18:17] Oso**
But the more you tie me down,
the more my charm disappears.
**[18:21] Todo**
Uh, you don't have any charm.
That's something you totally lack!
**[18:24] Oso**
Let's just do what we want.
Who cares if we fail?
**[18:27] Oso**
I mean, this is our first
time meeting them.
**[18:28] Oso**
If they don't like us,
there's nothing we can really do.
**[18:30] Todo**
Huh? Where's that attitude coming from?
**[18:33] Oso**
Arguing with you over this is worse.
**[18:36] Tood**
Wha...
**[18:37] Oso**
Also, I don't think I can
just somehow make it work.
**[18:40] Oso**
I don't think I have that talent.
**[18:44] Todo**
Okay, fine. Whatever.
**[18:46] Todo**
Just do what you want.
**[18:47] Oso**
Seriously?
**[18:48] Oso**
Yahoo!
**[18:49] Todo**
You owe me pachinko.
**[18:50] Oso**
Sure!
**[18:53] Oso**
Sorry to keep you two waiting!
**[18:54] Oso**
Er, huh? What are you doing?
**[18:56] Kumi**
We're going home.
**[18:57] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:58] Todo**
You're kidding, right?
**[18:59] Miwa**
Well, what were you two
doing in the bathroom?
**[19:02] Miwa**
That was pretty rude.
**[19:04] Oso**
Oh, that was nothing.
**[19:06] Todo**
Yeah, nothing.
**[19:07] Oso**
We were just discussing some things.
**[19:08] Oso**
Like which one of you guys
we were each going to screw.
**[19:11] Todo**
Yeah, yeah... wait, what?!
**[19:13] Kumi**
What? Gross.
**[19:14] Miwa**
Gross.
**[19:15] Todo**
Gross!
**[19:18] Oso**
Well, you guys are dressed so sexy.
**[19:20] Oso**
Of course the conversation's
gonna head in that direction.
**[19:22] Kumi**
Ugh, this guy's the worst.
**[19:23] Miwa**
You've been staring at my chest
this whole time, haven't you?
**[19:26] Oso**
I have. Thanks!
**[19:29] Oso**
Who cares if I look?
**[19:30] Oso**
I mean, I've only been thinking
about dirty things all day today.
**[19:34] Miwa**
Die, Osomatsu.
**[19:35] Oso**
Huh? You prude.
**[19:36] Oso**
You die.
**[19:37] Miwa**
You can die!
**[19:38] Oso**
Stare...
**[19:39] Miwa**
I told you to stop staring!
**[19:41] Oso**
What's the problem?
**[19:43] Kumi**
What do you mean? You can't be serious!
**[19:45] Todo**
*It's over... I'm so sorry, Atsushi-kun.*
**[19:49] Todo**
*No!*
**[19:56] Miwa**
I'm drunk. So sleepy.
**[20:00] Oso**
Then go home. You have a boyfriend.
**[20:02] Miwa**
Shut up, you virgin NEET.
**[20:05] Miwa**
You creepo that came to
a mixer with your brother.
**[20:07] Oso**
You knew! I have no reply to that.
**[20:13] Miwa**
Jeez.
**[20:14] Kumi**
More importantly,
Daddy's not replying at all.
**[20:17] Kumi**
So annoying.
**[20:18] Oso**
Ow! Hey, what do you think you're
doing to this hot guy, you uggo?
**[20:21] Kumi**
Who're you calling uggo?!
**[20:22] Oso**
Huh? Your face is only about 30 points.
**[20:24] Oso**
Your personality covers it up some, that's all.
**[20:26] Kumi**
You knew! I have no reply to that.
**[20:36] Miwa**
You're a funny guy.
**[20:38] Kumi**
You might not be so bad.
**[20:39] Oso**
Oh, yeah? Then go out with me.
**[20:41] Both**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[20:43] Oso**
What the hell? Get out!
**[20:46] Todo**
Um... I'm gonna head home...
**[20:50] Todo**
Um, I'm going home... I'm...
**[20:58] Todo**
*Huh? What is this?*
**[21:01] Todo**
*What's going on?*
**[21:04] Todo**
*I did my best today, right? Yeah, I did.*
**[21:08] Todo**
*I'm a good boy.*
**[21:10] Todo**
*I love you, Totty.*
**[21:12] Todo**
*Really? Thank you!*
**[21:14] Todo**
*Yeah! Um... you've got a nice voice!*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Station
**[21:20] Oso**
Man, I've gotta make more
at the races again.
**[21:25] Oso**
It's those girls!
**[21:27] Oso**
Hey, Kumi-chan! Miwa-chan!
**[21:31] Oso**
It is you two! Hey,
it's me from the other day!
**[21:33] Oso**
Osomatsu! Remember me?
**[21:35] Oso**
Man, wasn't that a lot of fun?
I never thought it'd get that wild.
**[21:38] Oso**
Let's go drinking again!
Just give Todomatsu a call.
**[21:41] Oso**
I'm always free.
**[21:42] Kumi**
No, that's okay.
**[21:44] Oso**
Huh?
**[21:45] Kumi**
Considering the situation we were in,
we just acted that way so we'd have fun.
**[21:50] Miwa**
Well, if the opportunity presents itself
again... Though I don't think it will.
**[21:55] Girl**
Bye.
**[22:00] Oso**
*Huh? But what about...*
**[22:02] Oso**
*Huh? What was all that, then?*
**[22:05] Oso**
*Huh?*
**[22:05] Oso**
*But... wait... huh?*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:47] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu and a dolphin!
**[23:49] Jyushi**
A dolphin for you!
**[23:50] Jyushi**
Nothing's better than dolphins!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and the Dolphin" etc.
**[23:52] Jyushi**
Mammals!
# E8 - Jyushimatsu and the Dolphin / Totoko and Nyaa
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G62P73KJ6/jyushimatsu-and-the-dolphin--totoko-and-nyaa)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Synthesis"
**[01:36] Deka**
It's finally complete!
**[01:39] Deka**
This is the invention of the century!
It will instantly combine any two things.
***SIGN*** Knock First
**[01:44] Deka**
Right Outta Nowhere-chan No. 1.
**[01:50] Deka**
First, we'll do this,
**[01:53] Deka**
then this...
**[01:56] Deka**
Here we go!
***SIGN*** In Use
***SIGN*** In Use
**[02:31] Deka**
It's a success!
**[02:33] Deka**
Curry rice right outta nowhere!
**[02:36] Deka**
This is going to make me rich!
All my hard work's finally paying off!
**[02:43] Deka**
I'm so happy!
***SIGN*** In Use
***SIGN*** In Use
**[03:21] Deka**
My name is Flypan.
**[03:27] Deka**
Pleasure doing business with you.
***SIGN*** Uochuu
**[03:30] Oso**
One, two... One, two...
**[03:33] Toto**
Stop peeking, you dumbass! Get outta here!
**[03:36] Oso**
Ow...
**[03:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh! What are you
going to do about this?!
**[03:41] Iyami**
I demand compensation! This is slander!
**[03:45] Iyami**
Hand over reparations!
**[04:04] Iya**
Sheeeh! My name is Iyamatsu!
**[04:11] Iya**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[04:27] Chibi**
My name is Chibibou, jo!
**[04:30] Chibi**
The hell?! You jerks! Dammit!
**[04:33] Chibi**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[04:45] Kara**
I'm Karachoro!
**[04:47] Choro**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[04:49] Kara**
Come at me, bro!
**[04:50] Choro**
Bring it on, bro!
**[04:54] Both**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[05:06] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[05:10] Ichi**
We're a monster.
**[05:14] All**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[05:26] Thing**
My name is Hashimoto Nyaanosuke, meow.
**[05:28] Thing**
Meow.
**[05:30] Thing**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[05:46] Toto**
Pleasure doing business with you.
**[06:31] Dayon**
Gonna combine even more!
***SIGN*** Bakery
***SIGN*** Ramen
**[06:44] Dayon**
Even more!
**[06:53] Dayon**
Now God will be complete.
**[07:35] Dayon**
I've done something horrible!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Sealand
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Sea
Dolphin Show
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu and
the Dolphin
***SIGN*** Dolphin Trainer Office
**[08:16] Kara**
You can't be serious!
***SIGN*** Dolphin Trainer Office
**[08:21] Kara**
Are you mocking this job?
You must be, to say something like that!
**[08:26] Jyu**
No, I'm not! I just want to do this job.
**[08:30] Jyu**
So, please!
**[08:33] Kara**
It's impossible.
**[08:34] Jyu**
Please!
**[08:35] Kara**
Nope.
**[08:36] Jyu**
Please!
**[08:39] Ichi**
Go on home. There are things
in this world that work out if you try,
**[08:44] Ichi**
but there are some that don't.
**[08:45] Choro**
And this case would be the latter.
You're not cut out for this job.
**[08:49] Jyu**
Please don't say that!
**[08:51] Choro**
Well, it's true.
**[08:52] Jyu**
But why?!
**[08:54] Choro**
I mean, I could understand if you wanted
to become a dolphin trainer like us,
**[08:59] Choro**
but you want to become a dolphin, right?
**[09:01] Choro**
You mean an actual dolphin, right?
**[09:05] Choro**
It's not possible.
**[09:08] Jyu**
No. As long as I do my best,
it'll work out somehow!
**[09:11] All**
No, it won't!
**[09:13] Todo**
It's impossible, no matter
how you think about it!
**[09:14] Jyu**
And I ask you not to say that!
**[09:16] Oso**
Seriously, why a dolphin?!
Why would you choose a dolphin?
***SIGN*** Now Hiring
***SIGN*** Become Friends
with the Dolphins
**[09:19] Oso**
If you want to be a trainer,
we're short-staffed so we're definitely looking!
**[09:23] Jyu**
No. I have no interest
in becoming a trainer, so I can't.
**[09:27] Oso**
You seriously piss me off.
**[09:29] Kara**
How are you even going to become a dolphin?
**[09:32] Jyu**
I'll work hard.
**[09:33] Choro**
You're a human! You're not going to be able
to swim backstroke or do high jumps!
**[09:36] Jyu**
But I can!
**[09:38] Ichi**
Why? Why do you want
to be a dolphin so badly?
**[09:42] Jyu**
Well, you see...
**[09:44] Jyu**
I'm a NEET.
**[09:47] Jyu**
B-Because I'm a NEET,
I wanted to find a job.
**[09:51] Jyu**
I want to be able to make money on my own...
**[09:54] Choro**
Yeah, uh, we're not feeling sorry for you.
**[09:56] Ichi**
You're a NEET, so you want a job?
**[09:59] Ichi**
Seriously, why do you want
to become a dolphin, then?
**[10:01] Ichi**
If that's your goal,
you should get a real job first.
**[10:04] Ichi**
Though it's still impossible
for you to become a dolphin!
**[10:06] Jyu**
It's not impossible!
**[10:07] All**
Get lost!
**[10:08] Jyu**
No!
**[10:11] Girl**
Please wait!
**[10:14] Girl**
Leader, would you let me
handle him for a while?
**[10:18] Kara**
Huh? What do you mean?
**[10:21] Girl**
I'll train him responsibly,
**[10:24] Girl**
and I'll help him appear
in the dolphin show as a dolphin.
**[10:28] Kara**
Wh-What?
**[10:38] Choro**
Come on, out of the way!
**[10:39] Oso**
Move!
**[10:41] Ichi**
The Dolphin Sisters are coming through!
**[10:43] Kara**
Clear a path!
**[10:46] Todo**
Ew, the pool reeks of human today, Sissies.
**[10:52] Four**
How gross.
**[10:54] Girl**
It's okay, Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[10:57] Girl**
Let's practice together over here.
**[11:00] Jyu**
‘Kay.
**[11:04] Girl**
You can do it, Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[11:06] Girl**
Dolphins hold their breath for about
fifteen minutes under the water.
**[11:09] Girl**
Just twelve more minutes!
**[11:12] Jyu**
I can't... I can't breathe!
**[11:14] Girl**
What? You can't hold out?
**[11:16] Girl**
Let's have you come
up for air real quick, then.
**[11:18] Girl**
Dolphins can fill their lungs 90% full
of fresh air with a single breath.
**[11:24] Girl**
Ready? Go!
**[11:27] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[11:30] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[11:37] Gil**
And go!
**[11:43] Girl**
Swim in that position, Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[11:46] Girl**
Use your inner dolphin! Dolphin kick!
**[11:48] Girl**
Feel the dolphin with
every part of your body!
**[11:51] Girl**
You're a dolphin!
You're a dolphin, Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[11:55] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[12:00] Girl**
Okay, ready?
**[12:01] Girl**
Here.
**[12:05] Girl**
Come on, you have to
swallow it whole. Ready?
**[12:09] Girl**
Here.
**[12:11] Girl**
Here.
**[12:12] Girl**
Here.
**[12:14] Girl**
Here, here, here, here.
**[12:22] Girl**
Jeez! Why can't you even do that much?
**[12:25] Girl**
Hurry up and let out an ultrasonic squeak.
**[12:30] Girl**
Come on, hurry!
You're a dolphin, aren't you?
**[12:32] Girl**
Where's your whistling? Your barking?
**[12:34] Girl**
Why can't you make those sounds? Ugh!
**[12:37] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun, you idiot!
**[12:41] Girl**
There!
**[12:43] Girl**
Hup!
**[12:46] Girl**
Here's your reward.
**[12:48] Girl**
Hey! Straighten up, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:52] Girl**
Jyushimatsu!
**[12:54] Girl**
Jyushimatsu!
**[12:55] Jyu**
You're tougher than I thought you'd be!
***SIGN*** Closed
**[13:01] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Are you all training hard?
**[13:05] Iyami**
If you mess up in front of the director,
you'll have to deal with me.
***SIGN*** Director
**[13:10] Kara**
Don't worry. We've got this down.
**[13:12] Choro**
Please start the test whenever.
**[13:14] Iyami**
Are you sure?
**[13:16] Jyushi**
Thanks for your time!
**[13:21] Deka**
Start the test.
**[13:24] Todo**
I'll go first!
**[13:26] Todo**
Jump!
**[13:28] Iyami**
Very good.
**[13:30] Oso**
There!
**[13:30] Choro**
Go!
**[13:35] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Fabulous!
**[13:39] Deka**
Very good. You're all very skilled.
**[13:42] Iyami**
We'll make a killing again
won't we, sir?
**[13:44] Girl**
Jyushimatsu, go!
**[13:48] Iyami**
Huh?
**[13:50] Girl**
Now's the time to show off all
your hard work, Jyushimatsu!
**[14:06] Girl**
Go!
**[14:17] Deka**
I will now announce the results.
**[14:20] Deka**
You're the only one that failed.
**[14:22] Both**
What?!
**[14:23] Girl**
No way!
**[14:24] Jyushi**
Why?!
**[14:25] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:29] Jyushi**
I'm going to drown! This pool is deep!
**[14:33] Deka**
No dolphin looks like that.
**[14:34] Iyami**
You're fired!
**[14:41] Jyushi**
Why? But I worked so hard...
I did my absolute best.
**[14:46] Girl**
No, Jyushimatsu-kun. To be honest,
I think you failed, too.
**[14:52] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[14:53] Girl**
You're not a dolphin at all.
**[14:55] Girl**
I thought I was watching a grade
schooler learning how to swim.
**[15:00] Jyushi**
But wasn't the training a bit weird, too?
**[15:03] Girl**
That's true, too.
**[15:07] Girl**
It's just impossible. I was moved by
your passion, so I tried to help, but...
**[15:12] Girl**
It's just not possible for
you to become a dolphin.
**[15:16] Girl**
Let's go home.
**[15:17] Jyushi**
No, I'm going to practice.
**[15:19] Girl**
It's no use.
**[15:20] Jyushi**
I've only failed the test once!
**[15:22] Girl**
It's impossible! You're just not a dolphin!
**[15:25] Jyushi**
Shut up! I'm going to do this!
**[15:27] Girl**
Give it up!
**[15:28] Jyushi**
No!
**[15:29] Girl**
Just accept it!
**[15:30] Jyushi**
No! I'll never give up on my dreams!
**[15:37] Girl**
You blockhead.
**[15:39] Girl**
Do what you want!
**[16:07] Choro**
Having to work on your day off sucks.
**[16:09] Oso**
So tired.
**[16:10] Kara**
Who are we seeing at the mixer tonight?
**[16:12] Todo**
Doctors.
**[16:13] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[16:16] Ichi**
Hey, what's that?
**[16:20] kara**
Huh? What are they doing?
**[16:24] Choro**
They're jumping... but there's no audience.
**[16:31] Todo**
Go!
**[16:32] Choro**
Here!
**[16:36] Oso**
Go!
**[16:48] Kara**
And that's a wrap on the Sealand
dolphin show! Thank you very much!
**[16:56] Jyu**
We're not done yet!
**[16:58] Girl**
Huh?
**[17:01] Jyu**
Here I go!
**[17:04] Kara**
What do you think you're doing?!
**[17:08] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Stop him immediately!
**[17:11] Kara**
Right! Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
the show is now over.
**[17:15] Choro**
P-P-P-P-Please just ignore everything
you see from here on out.
**[17:18] Girl**
Move!
**[17:19] Girl**
Everyone! This is a special program
by our new dolphin, Jyushimatsu!
**[17:25] Girl**
He's new, so he might not be the best,
but please give him a warm welcome!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka
**[17:37] Girl**
* Go, Jyushimatsu-kun. Do everything*
* you can possibly do now!*
**[17:58] Girl**
Huh?
**[18:03] Girl**
*H-He actually did it! Wh-What's going on?*
**[18:11] Girl**
*A-Amazing! You look like one.*
**[18:13] Girl**
*You look like a dolphin, Jyushimatsu-kun!*
**[18:21] Todo**
Wait, wait, what?!
**[18:24] Oso**
What the heck is that?
**[18:29] Ichi**
Hey, stop that! Stop!
**[18:31] Choro**
Stop!
**[18:33] Kara**
It's no use.
**[18:34] Kara**
They aren't listening to us at all. Why?!
**[18:39] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:43] Girl**
Go...
**[18:48] Girl**
Go!
***SIGN*** The endless sea
***SIGN*** Beyond the horizon
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu became
***SIGN*** a dolphin and is laughing
***SIGN*** If you feel like you've reached your limits
***SIGN*** Go to the sea and call out his name
***SIGN*** He'll be sure to come for you right away
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu who became a dolphin
***SIGN*** Flip flop, splish splash
***SIGN*** Full Monty
***SIGN*** Flip flop, splish splash
***SIGN*** Ah, full Monty
***SIGN*** With you, with you
***SIGN*** So that I can smile with you
***SIGN*** I'll swim with my ass out
***SIGN*** It's just stupid to be depressed anymore
***SIGN*** Everybody let's...
***SIGN*** Jyushiolphin
***SIGN*** Completely naked, let's Jyushiolphin
***SIGN*** Jyushiolphin
***SIGN*** Jyushiolphin
***SIGN*** Fin
**[21:45] ---**
Hybrid Oden
***SIGN*** "Totoko and Nyaa"
**[21:53] Toto**
Good evening, Chibita-kun.
**[21:55] Chibi**
Oh, Totoko-chan! You came!
**[21:58] Chibi**
Thanks!
**[22:01] Toto**
Huh?!
**[22:17] Toto**
So good!
**[22:21] Nya**
So good!
**[22:25] Toto**
Well, this is a surprise.
I didn't think I'd see you drinking by yourself.
**[22:30] Nyaa**
Yeah, sometimes. I guess I never told you.
**[22:35] Toto**
Yeah, you never told me.
**[22:37] Nya**
Well, because I never told you.
**[22:42] Toto**
Oh, hey. So, how much do you usually drink?
**[22:46] Toto**
How much alcohol?
**[22:47] Nya**
Oh, you know. The usual.
**[22:50] Toto**
Huh? What's usual?
**[22:52] Nya**
I told you, usual.
**[22:53] Toto**
And I'm asking you what you mean by "usual."
**[22:55] Nya**
Usual.
**[22:56] Toto**
"Usual" isn't an answer.
I'm asking you how much.
**[22:59] Nya**
The usual amount.
**[23:01] Toto**
And I'm telling you, "usual"
doesn't make any sense!
**[23:04] Nya**
Huh?!
**[23:06] Nya**
I'm telling you, it's usual!
**[23:08] Toto**
Just tell me an actual amount!
**[23:10] Nya**
Usually people can tell what
a usual amount is!
**[23:13] Toto**
Would you stop saying "usual"?!
People usually don't say "usual" that much!
**[23:18] Nya**
What?!
**[23:19] Nya**
What?
**[23:20] Toto**
What?!
**[23:21] Chibi**
Hey, hey, hey, hey...
**[23:23] Toto**
You wanna piece of me, dumbass?!
**[23:25] Toto**
Come on, you dumbass!
**[23:26] Nyaa**
Die!
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:32] Oso**
Heya! It's Osomatsu!
**[23:34] Oso**
A hedge between keeps friendship green?
**[23:37] Oso**
A hedge between keeps friendship green?
**[23:41] Oso**
Yeah, I know. How long do you
think I've been a sextuplet?
**[23:45] Oso**
A hedge between keeps friendship green?
**[23:49] Oso**
A hedge between keeps friendship...
***SIGN*** "Campaign Starting Now!" etc.
**[23:51] Oso**
Yeah, yeah, I know.
# E9 - Campaign Starting Now!
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6X0NXP5Y/campaign-starting-now)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Campaign Starting Now!"
**[01:42] Choro**
Ow! Jeez, Jyushimatsu!
**[01:45] Jyushi**
Sorry.
**[01:46] Jyushi**
Karamatsu-niisan,
could you get my ball for me?
**[01:49] Kara**
Huh? Oh...
***SIGN*** Currently 76 boxes
**[01:54] Sign**
How many boxes will it take
for the golden angel to show up?
**[01:56] Oso**
How stupid is he?
**[01:59] Todo**
It's way more fun to watch
streams than do them.
**[02:02] Kara**
I see... I'll be sure to incorporate that.
***SIGN*** Become drunk on our beauty
under these neon lights
**[02:40] Todo**
He's amazing.
**[02:42] Oso**
It's so funny.
**[02:45] Todo**
He's so awesome.
**[02:46] Ichi**
Hey, guys...
**[02:50] Ichi**
I said hey.
**[02:51] Oso**
Want to watch a few more?
**[02:52] Todo**
Yeah, a little more.
**[02:53] Ichi**
Hey!
**[02:54] Oso**
Really?
**[02:54] Choro**
What's the matter, Ichimatsu?
**[02:56] Ichi**
Aren't you going to sleep? It's past 1 AM.
**[02:59] Choro**
Oh. All right.
**[03:01] Choro**
I'll go to sleep after this chapter.
Sorry about that.
**[03:04] Todo**
Yeah, I'll go to sleep soon, too.
**[03:07] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan, let's make this the last one.
**[03:08] Oso**
Yup.
**[03:10] Kara**
What's the matter, brother? You can't sleep?
**[03:13] Kara**
Then I'll sing you my famous lullaby—
***SIGN*** Wild vs Formal
**[03:50] Choro**
Wow, so good. That was amazing!
**[03:59] Ichi**
You're not going to sleep, are you?!
**[04:01] Three**
Huh?
**[04:03] Ichi**
How long are you going to keep this up?
It's already past 2 AM!
**[04:06] Choro**
Oh, sorry. I'll go to sleep as
soon as I'm done reading this.
**[04:09] Ichi**
Why did you start a new volume?!
**[04:11] Ichi**
Don't start a new volume of
a light novel at 2 AM, you idiot!
**[04:15] Oso**
Oh, shut up already. Just go to sleep, then.
**[04:18] Oso**
You don't have to wait for us to get tired.
**[04:20] Ichi**
It's not that I'm waiting for you.
I can't sleep.
**[04:24] Oso**
You can't sleep? Why?
**[04:26] Ichi**
The light's too bright.
I want to turn off the light.
**[04:29] Oso**
Ah... Yeah, that's not happening.
**[04:32] Choro**
Well, I'm still reading.
**[04:34] Todo**
And we're still watching.
**[04:35] Ichi**
Wait, wait, wait. But it's past 2 AM!
**[04:37] Ichi**
It's time to sleep!
**[04:38] Todo**
So just go to sleep, then.
**[04:40] Ichi**
I'm telling you I can't!
**[04:42] Todo**
Wait, why can't you sleep? Do you have
some kind of p****logical disorder?
**[04:46] Ichi**
I can't sleep because the light's too bright!
**[04:48] Oso**
Then use an eye mask or something.
**[04:51] Ichi**
We don't have any of the latest
fashion items with an
**[04:53] Ichi**
English name in this house.
**[04:55] Oso**
Are eye masks one of
the latest fashion items?
**[04:58] Choro**
Okay, Ichimatsu, why don't you use this?
**[05:00] Ichi**
Huh?
**[05:01] Choro**
If you cover your eyes with this towel,
it's not bright, right?
**[05:04] Ichi**
No, a little bit of light still
gets through that way.
**[05:07] Ichi**
Also, there's pressure from the fact
that I can't let it fall off my face,
**[05:10] Ichi**
so it's even harder to sleep.
**[05:12] Todo**
Why don't you use your arm?
**[05:15] Todo**
Your arm should be a perfect
fit and it won't shift.
**[05:19] Ichi**
Are you stupid?
**[05:20] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:20] Ichi**
You try sleeping in that position.
**[05:22] Ichi**
When you wake up,
**[05:23] Ichi**
you'll suffer from an unknown pain that
could be either muscle pain or numbness.
**[05:28] Oso**
Then just dive under your futon.
That basically solves everything.
**[05:32] Oso**
You're so annoying.
**[05:33] Ichi**
Are you total trash?
**[05:34] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:35] Ichi**
That only works in the beginning.
**[05:37] Ichi**
Why would I put myself in an even
more uncomfortable situation
**[05:39] Ichi**
where I can't breathe nor sleep
just so it's not bright anymore?
**[05:42] Oso**
Then just go buy an eye mask
at the hundred yen shop.
**[05:44] Ichi**
They're closed at this hour.
**[05:46] Oso**
Convenience store, then?
**[05:47] Ichi**
There's no guarantee
there'll be an eye mask there.
**[05:50] Oso**
Then just use a towel or
something to cover your eyes.
**[05:54] Ichi**
Didn't I just reject that idea?
**[05:56] Ichi**
Seriously? Are you stupid?
**[05:57] Oso**
Ugh! I can't think of any good solutions!
**[06:00] Todo**
I see... You can't sleep because
the light's too bright.
**[06:05] Three**
What to do?
**[06:10] Ichi**
Uh, can't we just turn off the light?
**[06:12] Ichi**
Why can't you get to that conclusion?
**[06:15] Choro**
I know! We can just make the light
dimmer by using the tiny light!
**[06:17] Both**
Oh, I see!
**[06:19] Ichi**
Uh, let's just turn off the light.
**[06:21] Choro**
See? Now you can sleep, too, right?
**[06:24] Todo**
But can you read your book
like this, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[06:27] Choro**
I think once I got used to it, I could.
**[06:29] Todo**
Yeah?
**[06:30] Jyushi**
You can't!
**[06:31] Todo**
When did you wake up?
**[06:33] Jyushi**
I can't sleep with the tiny light on.
I'll keep thinking about it.
**[06:36] Kara**
Same here, brother.
The tiny light is too bad.
**[06:40] Oso**
I guess we have those against
the tiny light, too.
**[06:45] Todo**
Well, goodnight.
**[06:46] Both**
Goodnight.
**[06:50] Ichi**
Could you at least not be noisy? Promise me.
**[06:53] Oso**
Yup.
**[06:54] Todo**
Got it.
**[06:55] Choro**
We promise.
**[07:03] Choro**
I see... It's fate...
**[07:06] Todo**
What is this?
**[07:07] Choro**
Now this is happening? Seriously?
**[07:09] Todo**
Look, look, look, look!
**[07:11] Choro**
What?! What's going to happen next?
**[07:15] Todo**
Man, this guy really is stupid!
**[07:18] Choro**
So good! I can't stop!
**[07:20] Choro**
Someone stop my eyes and hands!
**[07:22] Oso**
This is too funny!
**[07:24] Todo**
Online videos are the best!
**[07:26] Ichi**
*I-I want to kill them...*
**[07:30] Ichi**
*No... I'll just count some cats.*
**[07:34] Ichi**
*One cat.*
**[07:35] Ichi**
*Two cats.*
**[07:37] Ichi**
*Three cats.*
**[07:39] Ichi**
*Four cats.*
**[07:40] Ichi**
*Five cats.*
**[07:42] Ichi**
*Six cats.*
**[07:43] Ichi**
*Seven cats.*
**[07:45] Ichi**
*Eight cougars.*
**[07:46] Ichi**
*Eight cougars?!*
**[07:48] Oso**
There's something so hot about cougars.
**[07:51] Todo**
Yeah, cougars.
**[07:53] Choro**
True.
**[07:55] Ichi**
*One cat.*
**[07:57] Ichi**
*Two cats.*
**[07:59] Ichi**
*Three cats.*
**[08:01] Ichi**
*Four cats.*
**[08:02] Ichi**
*Five Shoueis.*
**[08:04] Ichi**
*Why?!*
**[08:05] Choro**
It's Shouei-san!
**[08:06] Todo**
I want to see Shouei again.
**[08:09] Oso**
Hey. Let's watch that cougar again.
**[08:11] Todo**
What? Let's watch Shouei a little longer.
**[08:12] Ichi**
*One cat.*
**[08:14] Ichi**
*Two cats.*
**[08:16] Ichi**
*Three cougar Shoueis...*
**[08:18] Ichi**
I can't sleep like this!
**[08:20] Ichi**
That was freaky... Talk about trauma.
**[08:23] Ichi**
That's going to change my fetish...
**[08:24] Oso**
What? You're still complaining?
**[08:27] Ichi**
You guys promised you'd
be quiet, didn't you?
**[08:30] Todo**
We can't help it. We're not tired yet.
**[08:34] Choro**
Seriously. You're so selfish.
**[08:36] Ichi**
Selfish?!
**[08:37] Ichi**
S-S-S-Selfish?! Me?!
**[08:40] Three**
Huh?
**[08:41] Ichi**
It's past two in the morning!
**[08:43] Ichi**
I've gone to the bathroom, brushed
my teeth, gotten into my futon,
**[08:46] Ichi**
and me asking for the lights to be turned
off makes me selfish in this household?!
**[08:50] Ichi**
Where do we live?!
**[08:51] Ichi**
What country? Do we live overseas?
**[08:53] Ichi**
Is that it?!
**[08:54] Jyushi**
So noisy. Are you guys arguing?
**[08:59] Ichi**
It's nothing, Jyushimatsu.
**[09:00] Ichi**
Just go to sleep. Sorry.
**[09:03] Kara**
What's wrong, brother?
**[09:04] Ichi**
No problem, brother.
**[09:06] Ichi**
Goodnight. Bye-bye forever.
**[09:08] Ichi**
That was close. 3 versus 3 was
about to turn into 5 versus 1.
**[09:12] Ichi**
They finally went to sleep, so don't get all
riled up and wake them by shouting.
**[09:15] Choro**
Uh, you're the one who's
getting riled up and shouting.
**[09:18] Todo**
Jeez... Then just go sleep
downstairs, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[09:22] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:23] Todo**
It's too bright in here,
right? Then go downstairs.
**[09:26] Ichi**
Huh? Why do I have to move?
**[09:29] Oso**
Actually, just don't sleep, Ichimatsu.
Just wait until we get sleepy.
**[09:33] Ichi**
What are you saying?
**[09:35] Choro**
Oh, I know. What about the balcony?
**[09:37] Choro**
I think that'd be perfect.
**[09:40] Ichi**
What brought you to that conclusion?
**[09:43] Todo**
I wonder where would be best...
**[09:44] Oso**
Where should we have him move?
**[09:47] Choro**
That's a tough one.
**[09:50] Ichi**
Seriously, the light...
**[09:53] Ichi**
No, really, the light...
**[10:04] Ichi**
There's something wrong with this,
right? How did this happen?
**[10:07] Ichi**
Hey, why do I have to go
sleep on the roof by myse—
**[10:17] Ichi**
Wake up!
**[10:19] Ichi**
Wake up, wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up!
**[10:22] Ichi**
Wake up!
**[10:24] Kara**
Wh-Wh-What's wrong, brother?
**[10:26] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan?
Did your fetish change?
**[10:31] Ichi**
Listen up. Let me just confirm one thing.
**[10:34] Ichi**
Is each of us an only child, huh?
**[10:37] Todo**
Huh? What do you mean?
**[10:39] Ichi**
Answer me! Is each of us an only child?
**[10:41] Choro**
No, we aren't.
**[10:43] Ichi**
We aren't, right? Then are we twins?
**[10:45] Ichi**
Triplets?!
**[10:46] Oso**
We're sextuplets.
**[10:47] Ichi**
Sextuplets! We're sextuplets!
**[10:51] Jyushi**
Did he go insane?
**[10:54] Ichi**
Listen up. That basically means
there are six guys with
**[10:57] Ichi**
six smelly d*cks hanging down
living in this tiny room.
**[11:00] Ichi**
Do you think the miracle of
all six of us getting sleepy
**[11:02] Ichi**
at the same time would
really happen? Of course not.
**[11:04] Ichi**
When one of us is sleepy,
the others won't be as sleepy.
**[11:07] Ichi**
That kind of situation is only natural, right?
**[11:09] Ichi**
But at a certain time,
the light should go off!
**[11:11] Ichi**
Even those who weren't that tired
should try their best to fall asleep!
**[11:15] Ichi**
We have no choice but
to live by giving a little!
**[11:17] Ichi**
Because there are six of us, meow!
**[11:23] Ichi**
An oath. As of 3:16 AM on November 28th,
**[11:27] Ichi**
I, Matsuno Ichimatsu,
will put the "We Are Brothers,
**[11:30] Ichi**
So We Should Be More Considerate Toward
Each Other Campaign" into effect.
**[11:33] Ichi**
So, from now on, since we're brothers,
let's be more considerate of each other.
**[11:36] Ichi**
Meow!
**[12:17] Kara**
H-Hey! What is he doing?
**[12:20] Choro**
He's monitoring us.
**[12:21] Kara**
Monitoring us?
**[12:22] Choro**
He's checking to make sure
we're compromising and being
**[12:26] Choro**
considerate of each other.
**[12:27] Todo**
What? Seriously? That's so annoying.
**[12:30] Ichi**
Why, hello, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[12:33] Jyushi**
Hello. Thank you for everything you do.
**[12:35] Todo**
Uh, they're total strangers now!
**[12:36] Todo**
They've gone beyond being considerate!
**[12:38] Choro**
This sure turned out weird.
**[12:41] Oso**
Eh, who cares? Let's see how this plays out.
**[12:44] Oso**
It actually seems sorta fun.
**[12:45] Choro**
Huh? What's so fun about it?
**[12:53] Ichi**
Hold it.
**[12:55] Ichi**
Why did you put the soy sauce
back in front of you?
**[12:58] Ichi**
You know other people will use it, right?
**[12:59] Ichi**
With that in mind, you should
return it to where it was, right?
**[13:02] Oso**
Huh? S-Sure...
**[13:09] Ichi**
Seriously! Why would you put
it back in front of you?
**[13:12] Ichi**
Choromatsu's going
to use it next, isn't he?
**[13:15] ---**
Here.
**[13:17] Ichi**
How is this right?
**[13:18] Ichi**
We both paid half for that,
and yet about two-thirds is gone.
**[13:22] Ichi**
That's not considered half, is it?
**[13:27] Ichi**
Why are you only eating all
the yellow Tunapiro pieces?
**[13:30] Ichi**
If you don't eat them equally
with the silver pieces,
**[13:32] Ichi**
someone's going to have to eat
only the silver pieces later!
**[13:36] Ichi**
Seriously...
***SIGN*** Vanilla
**[13:37] Ichi**
Why are you only eating the vanilla ones?
**[13:40] Ichi**
Eat a vanilla one, then a chocolate one!
Think about the balance!
**[13:43] Ichi**
How is this right?
**[13:44] Ichi**
You should take good care
of things you borrow, right?
**[13:47] Ichi**
How is this right?
**[13:48] Ichi**
You should probably pay for that now, right?
**[13:51] Ichi**
Yeah, no. That's unforgivable.
***SIGN*** Pawn Shop
***SIGN*** Pawn Shop
**[13:54] Ichi**
Out.
***SIGN*** Pawn Shop
**[13:55] Ichi**
Yeah, that's out.
***SIGN*** Pawn Shop
***SIGN*** Dried Fish
**[13:57] Ichi**
I'll kill you.
**[13:59] Ichi**
Seriously, stop.
**[14:00] Ichi**
Stop that, you shitty eldest.
**[14:02] Ichi**
Stop. Seriously, stop being a menace.
**[14:04] Ichi**
Not that, either. Or that!
**[14:05] Ichi**
Stop!
**[14:06] Ichi**
Out!
**[14:07] Ichi**
That's out! I already told you no on that!
**[14:09] Oso**
Hold it!
**[14:11] Oso**
Wait! Why am I the only one
getting caught so much?!
**[14:14] Oso**
He's seriously after me!
Isn't that messed up?!
**[14:19] Oso**
Come on, guys! Let's be honest!
**[14:21] Oso**
Being monitored like this
is suffocating! It's no fun!
**[14:26] Oso**
Majority rules! Ready?
**[14:28] Oso**
All those opposed to the
bullshit campaign called
**[14:30] Oso**
"We Are Brothers, So We Should Be Toward
Considerate About Each Other Campaign"!
**[14:33] Oso**
Me!
**[14:39] Oso**
What?!
**[14:41] Ichi**
Those who wish to continue this campaign.
**[14:43] Four**
Me.
**[14:44] Oso**
What?! Well, that's surprising!
**[14:47] Choro**
How is that surprising?
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Arcade Iyami"
**[15:01] Iyami**
Me knew it!
**[15:04] Iyami**
This is because of how virtuous me is
on a daily basis! Let's go straight away!
***SIGN*** Aka Arcade
***SIGN*** Whack-a-Komodo
***SIGN*** Almost a Master
**[15:24] Kid 1**
Yes! I've never gotten 80 points before!
**[15:28] Kid2**
Good for you.
**[15:29] Iyami**
Out of the way.
**[15:33] Kid 2**
Uh, where did this guy that we kids should
definitely stay away from come from?
**[15:41] Kid 1**
Y-You're doing it on the highest level?
**[15:46] Kid 1**
What?! There are even more
Komodo dragon holes now!
**[15:49] Kid 1**
What is this?
**[15:51] Game**
*3... 2... 1... Start!*
**[15:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:01] Kid 1**
What?!
**[16:03] Iyami**
Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh!
**[16:06] Iyami**
Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void
of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top!
***SIGN*** Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top
***SIGN*** You Should've Come the Day Before
***SIGN*** Almost a Master
***SIGN*** You Don't Even Need a Shotgun
**[16:32] Kid 2**
He got the highest rank!
**[16:34] Kid 1**
Th-That's amazing!
**[16:45] Kid 1**
No way...
**[16:47] Kid 2**
H-How's he supposed to deal with all that?
**[16:50] Game**
*3... 2... 1... Start!*
**[16:56] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:05] Iyami**
Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star
Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce!
***SIGN*** Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce
**[17:14] Kids**
Huh? Say what?
**[17:16] Iyami**
Sheeh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
**[17:28] Kid 1**
A-Amazing... The ones that went into
a panic were the Komodo dragons.
**[17:33] Kid 2**
H-How can you hit them
so fast, mister? Tell us!
**[17:38] Iyami**
I can see what moves the Komodo
dragons will make two seconds ahead.
**[17:42] Iyami**
That's why I can hit them in time.
**[17:44] Kid 2**
Y-You can see their moves two seconds ahead?
**[17:46] Kid 1**
Oh, crap! I can't tell if
he's amazing or just insane!
**[17:51] Kid**
Hey, Master!
**[17:52] Kid 3**
Do this one!
***SIGN*** Loser
***SIGN*** Tie
**[17:54] Kid 2**
What? A rock-paper-scissors game?
**[17:56] Kid 1**
Come on. It's impossible for even the
master to continue winning on this game.
**[17:58] Game**
*Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!*
**[18:00] Game**
*You win!*
**[18:01] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:02] Kid 1**
There's no way to strategize
at rock-paper-scissors...
**[18:03] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:05] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:07] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:08] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:08] Kid**
How?
**[18:09] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:09] Kid**
How?!
**[18:10] Game**
*Rock, paper, you win!*
**[18:12] Kid 1**
That's awesome!
**[18:13] Kid 1**
He won all the tokens!
Is this even possible?
**[18:16] Kid 3**
But there's no strategy for this!
**[18:18] Kid 3**
He didn't even use a secret
technique or special move!
**[18:20] Iyami**
Sheeeh. Using secret techniques
or special moves is second rate.
**[18:24] Iyami**
What's important is exact preparation.
**[18:26] Kid 3**
Preparation?
**[18:28] Iyami**
All the top athletes say this...
**[18:30] Iyami**
How much preparation they're
able to do before their match
**[18:33] Iyami**
will determine if they win or lose.
**[18:35] Iyami**
Which means...
**[18:35] Iyami**
I played rock-paper-scissors and kept losing
as much as possible before coming here,
**[18:39] Iyami**
and raised the probability
of me winning over and over!
**[18:42] Kid 1**
What? Seriously?!
**[18:44] Kid 2**
So the master was already playing games
before coming to the arcade!
**[18:49] Kid 1**
Please adopt me, Master!
**[18:50] Kid 2**
Please adopt me, too!
**[18:53] Iyami**
Sheeeh. Me will be taking my leave now.
**[18:57] Chibi**
Hold it.
**[18:59] Chibi**
The hell? If we let you go now,
our reputation will be ruined, you idjit.
**[19:04] Chibi**
You got enough guts to play
this impregnable game?
**[19:09] Kid 2**
A claw machine?
**[19:11] Kid 1**
You idiot. That game ain't nothing
if you let our dad play it.
**[19:15] Kid 3**
No, wait.
***SIGN*** Ultra C Rating
**[19:16] Kid 3**
Th-This claw machine...
is no ordinary claw machine.
**[19:19] Kid 3**
Look!
**[19:21] Kid 1**
The plushies are all completely
out of reach of the crane!
**[19:25] Kid 1**
This isn't good, Dad!
**[19:28] Hata**
Jo.
**[19:29] Kid 2**
And the crane doesn't even have a claw!
**[19:31] Kid 1**
What?!
**[19:32] Hata**
Jo.
**[19:33] Kid 2**
Plus, the button to operate
the machine's been taken off!
***SIGN*** 1 Play 6 Plays
**[19:36] Kid 3**
There isn't even a place to put money in!
You can't even start the game!
**[19:41] Hata**
Jo!
**[19:42] Kid**
I-It's no use. Even our dad
can't beat a game like this...
**[19:47] Iyami**
Final Secret Technique...
**[19:50] Iyami**
Iyami's Pose of Darkness...
***SIGN*** Iyami's Pose of Darkness
**[19:52] Iyami**
You are not playing the game.
**[19:55] Iyami**
The fact you are playing a game is proof
you're being played by the game.
**[20:01] Iyami**
Meaning the game is me.
**[20:03] Iyami**
Me is the game. Nay!
**[20:05] Iyami**
Me is the arcade itself!
**[20:14] Plushies**
I want out.
**[20:15] Plushies**
Please catch me.
**[20:16] Plushies**
Catch me.
**[20:18] Plushies**
Let us out.
**[20:19] Kid 1**
H-Hey, look. The plushies!
**[20:28] Plushies**
Thank you.
**[20:29] Plushies**
Thank you.
**[20:29] Plushies**
Thank you.
**[20:30] Plushies**
Thank you.
**[20:32] Kid 1**
They're all coming out on their own!
We won without any bloodshed!
**[20:36] Plushies**
Thank you!
**[20:52] Iyami**
Me got another one!
**[20:56] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Me got another one!
**[21:00] Chibi**
G-Go home...
**[21:02] Iyami**
Thank you! Thank you! Sheeeh!
**[21:06] Chibi**
Just go home! Jeez!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Totoko and Nyaa 2"
**[22:46] Chibi**
Here you go.
**[22:49] Nya**
Thanks, meow!
**[22:56] Nya**
I'm having drinks today
with some oden, meow!
**[22:58] Nya**
Hashtag late night snack terrorism.
Hashtag drinking by myself.
**[22:58] Sign**
Likes: 57
nyanyanya_28 I'm having drinks today with some oden, meow~
#LateNightSnackTerrorism #DrinkingByMyself #Suffering
#OldMan #AlwaysDrunk
#I'mReallyLonely #HowManyTimesIsThis
**[23:00] Nya**
Hashtag suffering. Hashtag old man.
**[23:02] Nya**
Hashtag always drunk.
Hashtag I'm really lonely.
**[23:05] Nya**
Hashtag how many times is this?
**[23:21] Totoko**
Take that!
**[23:22] Nya**
Hot!
**[23:28] Sigh**
Yowai Totoko
Found a funny cat!!
#PleaseRetweet #PleaseRetweetLots
#PleaseRetweetSuperLots #LookAtThisWhenYou'reDepressed
**[23:28] Toto**
Found a funny cat!
**[23:29] Toto**
Hashtag please retweet.
Hashtag please retweet lots.
**[23:32] Toto**
Hashtag please retweet super lots.
Hashtag look at this when you're depressed.
**[23:35] Nyaa**
What the hell are you doing, you bitch?!
**[23:37] Toto**
You wanna fight?!
**[23:38] Chibi**
Hey, hey, hey...
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Karamatsu and Brother" etc.
**[23:49] Kara**
Too bad. Apparently there isn't much time
for the next episode preview this week.
# E10 - Karamatsu and Brother
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY75G9916/karamatsu-and-brother)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Karamatsu and Brothers"
**[01:34] Todo**
Come on, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[01:38] Choro**
Huh?
**[01:38] Todo**
Buy me a fizzy drink.
I want something fizzy.
**[01:42] Choro**
Why should I care?
**[01:43] Choro**
If we don't have any,
just drink some tea and shut up.
**[01:46] Choro**
Besides, why should I have to go buy
something you want to drink, huh? Tell me.
**[01:50] Todo**
O-Okay, jeez...
**[01:53] Choro**
That's messed up, damn it!
**[01:55] Todo**
Did you have to add that last part? Scary...
**[01:57] Todo**
You seem like such an honor student,
but you're really a delinquent.
**[02:01] Choro**
Give it up.
**[02:01] Todo**
Uh, no. I really want to drink
something fizzy right now.
**[02:05] Choro**
Then go buy it yourself.
**[02:07] Kara**
Want me to go buy it for you?
**[02:09] Kara**
I was heading out anyway.
**[02:11] Kara**
Want me stop by a convenience store?
**[02:15] Todo**
Huh?
**[02:17] Kara**
Here.
**[02:19] Todo**
Thank you, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:21] Todo**
You're so reliable! So kind!
**[02:23] Todo**
I'm so glad you're here, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[02:27] Kara**
Is that so, Todomatsu?
Am I reliable? Am I kind?
**[02:33] Kara**
Nothing has ever felt so right to me before!
**[02:35] Kara**
Just keep relying on me.
I'll do anything for my brothers.
**[02:40] Kara**
This love! This kindness!
**[02:42] Kara**
I'm prepared to shower you
guys with either at any time!
**[02:46] Kara**
It appears I shouted too much
and made myself thirsty.
**[02:50] Kara**
Could you share some of
your fizzy drink, brother?
**[02:54] Kara**
Wait, huh?
**[02:58] Oso**
Oh, there you are. Hey, Karamatsu.
**[03:01] Oso**
I wanted to ask you for a favor.
Do you have a sec?
**[03:04] Oso**
Really? Thanks!
**[03:06] Kara**
Uh, I didn't answer yet.
**[03:08] Oso**
Mom asked me to do the laundry,
but could you do it for me instead?
**[03:12] Kara**
Huh?! Er, I...
**[03:14] Oso**
The horse races are starting on TV soon,
and you're the only one I can ask.
**[03:21] Kara**
Wow, wow, wow!
So that's how it is, Osomatsu.
**[03:24] Kara**
I'm the only one you could ask?
**[03:26] Kara**
Nothing has ever felt so right to me before!
**[03:33] Kara**
Leave it to me!
**[03:34] Oso**
Thanks!
**[03:35] Jyushi**
Hey, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[03:37] Jyushi**
I'm about to leave,
so could you do the dishes for me?
**[03:42] Kara**
Yeah, that's fine.
**[03:47] Ichi**
Hey, Karamatsu. Could you get the phone?
**[03:49] Kara**
Very well.
**[03:50] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan, could you also
pass this community notice along?
**[03:53] Kara**
Okay.
***SIGN*** Adult
**[03:55] Oso**
While you're at it,
could you take care of this, too?
**[03:57] Kara**
Sure.
**[03:57] Jyushi**
This and this, too, please.
**[03:59] Kara**
Very well. I accept.
**[04:01] Ichi**
Sorry. Could you take care of this, too?
**[04:02] Kara**
Oh, I suppose.
**[04:04] Todo**
This, too.
**[04:05] Kara**
Okay.
**[04:05] Oso**
Could you take care of this for me, too?
***SIGN*** Invoice
**[04:07] Kara**
But of course.
**[04:09] Jyushi**
Could you do this, too?
**[04:09] Kara**
Okay.
**[04:10] Ichi**
This, too.
**[04:11] Kara**
Fine.
**[04:11] Todo**
While you're at it, could you go have
Mom and Dad yell at you in my place?
**[04:15] Kara**
Got it.
***SIGN*** Résumé
**[04:16] Oso**
Could you go job hunting in my place, too?
**[04:18] Kara**
Sure.
**[04:18] Jyushi**
Could you bat for me in the next inning?
**[04:20] Kara**
But of course.
**[04:24] Choro**
H-H-Hey.
**[04:25] Choro**
Hold up. Wait!
**[04:27] Choro**
What's wrong here?
**[04:28] Choro**
Don't you guys think you're
asking Karamatsu for too much?
**[04:31] Choro**
Also, "Could you go job hunting in my place?"
**[04:34] Choro**
Isn't that going a bit far?
**[04:35] Choro**
And Karamatsu. Why would you agree to that?
**[04:38] Choro**
You need to just say no.
You don't want to go, do you?
**[04:42] Todo**
Huh? I-Is that true?
**[04:45] Todo**
Sorry, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[04:46] Kara**
Huh?!
**[04:47] Jyushi**
Sorry.
**[04:48] Kara**
No, no, no, no, no...
**[04:49] Oso**
You always agree, so we just...
**[04:52] Ichi**
We went overboard. Sorry.
**[04:54] Kara**
No, no!
**[04:55] Todo**
Yeah, maybe it's not the best idea.
**[04:57] Todo**
I won't ask you to do anything
anymore, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[05:00] Three**
Yeah, let's not.
**[05:01] Kara**
What?! Come on, brother!
**[05:03] Kara**
What are you saying? I'm fine!
**[05:05] Kara**
I'm no stress!
**[05:07] Todo**
But you really don't want to do it, right?
**[05:08] Kara**
That's not true!
**[05:10] Kara**
Jeez, Choromatsu. Why'd you
have to go and say that?
**[05:12] Kara**
As I said, I'll do anything for
you guys. I'll help you out.
**[05:16] Kara**
So ask away! It's worse for me
when you guys hold back!
**[05:21] Ichi**
R-Really?
**[05:22] Kara**
Yes, really!
**[05:23] Jyushi**
You don't get tired of us asking
you to do everything?
**[05:26] Kara**
Not at all!
**[05:27] Todo**
Thank goodness. So, as I was saying,
I also wanted to ask you to do this.
**[05:32] Kara**
Sure! Bring it on!
**[05:34] Jyushi**
Then this, too.
**[05:34] Oso**
And also this.
**[05:35] Kara**
Come on!
**[05:36] Ichi**
And this, too.
**[05:37] Kara**
Come on, brother!
**[05:41] Choro**
Well, if you're okay with it, it's fine, I guess...
**[05:47] Kara**
So, Choromatsu. This is just
between you and me, okay?
**[05:51] Kara**
To tell you the truth,
when they ask me to do whatever...
**[05:56] Kara**
I hate it so much, I could die!
**[05:57] Choro**
What?!
**[05:58] Kara**
They'd really go that far?
**[06:00] Kara**
It's so annoying! Kill me!
**[06:01] Choro**
What? Huh?!
**[06:02] Choro**
Seriously? You're kidding, right?
**[06:03] Kara**
They know I won't refuse, so they...
**[06:06] Choro**
I'm actually shocked here.
**[06:07] Kara**
Why do they keep asking me for so much?
**[06:10] Choro**
Uh, I'm pretty sure you brought
this upon yourself...
**[06:13] Kara**
It's so hard! I'm so done!
**[06:15] Choro**
Uh, wait, wait!
**[06:18] Choro**
I mean, of course this is mostly their fault,
but you're acting weird, too.
**[06:24] Kara**
Weird?
**[06:25] Choro**
Yeah. I mean, you're that sick
of doing all this, right?
**[06:28] Choro**
So much that you want to kill them, right?
**[06:29] Kara**
Yeah, I do.
**[06:31] Choro**
They why don't you just say no?
Why do you keep agreeing?
**[06:34] Kara**
The option of saying no
doesn't exist, brother.
**[06:38] Choro**
Why not?
**[06:38] Kara**
Because I'm the nicest
man in the world!
**[06:43] Choro**
Uh, I'm pretty sure you're just timid?
**[06:46] Kara**
I keep accepting the most difficult tasks...
**[06:49] Kara**
because I'm just so nice!
**[06:51] Choro**
You're just timid.
**[06:52] Kara**
And I let anything go...
**[06:55] Kara**
because I'm so nice!
**[06:58] Choro**
You're too timid to say anything back, right?
**[07:00] Choro**
What the hell? You're such a wimp.
**[07:03] Kara**
What are you saying,
Choromatsu? That's not true.
**[07:05] Choro**
I mean, if we're being
honest, that's it, right?
**[07:06] Choro**
If the one asking gets
even a little aggressive,
**[07:09] Choro**
you get too scared to say anything back.
**[07:11] Kara**
Th-That's not true...
**[07:12] Choro**
Oh, I think it is!
**[07:15] Kara**
Yeah, it is.
**[07:16] Choro**
That's exactly it right there!
You just proved my point!
**[07:20] Choro**
Come on. You need to grow a spine
and tell them no sometimes.
**[07:24] Kara**
T-Tell them no, huh?
**[07:25] Choro**
Yeah. Why don't we practice?
**[07:28] Choro**
Practice saying no for the next time
they ask you to do something.
**[07:34] Choro**
Listen. I'm going to act like I'm one
of them and ask you for something,
**[07:37] Choro**
so you need to decline.
**[07:38] Kara**
O-Okay, got it.
**[07:40] Choro**
Okay, here we go.
**[07:44] Kara**
All right, bring it!
**[07:48] Choro**
Horse racing!
**[07:48] Choro**
Pachinko! Boobs, boobs!
**[07:52] Kara**
Choromatsu... Who is that?
**[07:57] Kara**
Really, who is that?
**[07:59] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[08:01] Kara**
Who's that supposed to be?
**[08:03] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[08:04] Kara**
Just how do you see him, anyway?
**[08:07] Kara**
You're making this hard. Try someone else.
**[08:09] Choro**
Got it!
**[08:10] Choro**
Ugh, everyone die.
**[08:13] Choro**
If you're not a cat, die.
**[08:15] Kara**
Choromatsu?
**[08:18] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[08:20] Kara**
Seriously, who is that?
**[08:21] Kara**
You're making this hard. Try someone else.
**[08:24] Choro**
Got it.
**[08:25] Choro**
Boeh, boeh, boeh!
Baseball, baseball, baseball!
**[08:29] Choro**
Boeh, boeh, boeh!
Baseball, baseball, baseball!
**[08:30] Kara**
Seriously, you're not helping!
**[08:32] Choro**
Boeh!
**[08:33] Todo**
What the heck are you guys doing?
**[08:36] Todo**
What? Really?
**[08:38] Oso**
So you didn't want to do it?
Then just say so.
**[08:42] Ichi**
Well, we did ask you to do a lot of things
because we knew you wouldn't say no.
**[08:47] Ichi**
Like running errands.
**[08:48] Jyushi**
Or asking you to replace the kerosene.
**[08:50] Oso**
Yeah... We won't do it anymore.
**[08:53] Oso**
Sorry, Karamatsu.
**[08:54] Kara**
Huh? No, uh...
**[08:56] Kara**
Well...
**[09:01] Todo**
But if Karamatsu-niisan doesn't take that
position, who's going to take his place?
**[09:06] Todo**
That's the real issue here.
**[09:08] Ichi**
Yeah. Who's going to take Karamatsu's place?
**[09:11] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:11] Jyushi**
Shouldn't the oldest do it?
**[09:13] Oso**
No, no. Why would I do that?
**[09:16] Oso**
I mean, I'm *the* Osomatsu.
**[09:18] Oso**
Osomatsu doesn't do stuff like that.
**[09:20] Jyushi**
True.
**[09:21] Choro**
What kind of reasoning is that?
**[09:22] Todo**
What about Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[09:24] Oso**
Ichimatsu's scary. He'd probably let
his resentment build up and stab us.
**[09:28] Ichi**
True.
**[09:29] Choro**
Why did you agree with that?
**[09:30] Ichi**
What about Jyushimatsu?
**[09:32] Jyushi**
What? But if you ask me to do anything,
it probably won't turn out very good.
**[09:36] Oso**
What about Totty, then?
**[09:38] Todo**
Uh, you know I won't do anything like that.
**[09:41] Todo**
If I had to do that,
I'd just leave this house.
**[09:43] Oso**
Right. So that just leaves...
**[09:47] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait! Why me?!
**[09:48] Todo**
Right. Go buy me some yummy sweets.
**[09:50] Choro**
Go yourself!
**[09:52] Jyushi**
Could you polish my glove for me?
**[09:53] Choro**
Do it yourself!
**[09:54] Oso**
Buy me some horse race tickets, too.
**[09:55] Ichi**
And clean up all the cat hair.
**[09:57] Choro**
Do it yourself!
**[09:58] Choro**
Hey, stop. Stop!
**[10:00] Choro**
Wait. Hey, Karamatsu!
**[10:02] Choro**
This is all your fault! Help me out!
**[10:06] Kara**
Good luck.
**[10:07] Choro**
What do you mean?!
Hey, why are you shutting that?
**[10:10] Kara**
What a great story this was.
**[10:12] Choro**
How so?!
**[10:14] Kara**
Happy end.
**[10:15] Choro**
No, seriously! Help me out,
Karamatsu-niisan!
**[10:18] Choro**
My dear, sweet Karamatsu-niisan!
**[10:21] Choro**
You're actually able to
decline now?! Die already!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Trading
**[10:25] Todo**
And so...
**[10:27] Todo**
This is the new employee,
**[10:29] Todo**
Yowai Totoko-kun, who will be working
in our section starting today.
**[10:33] Todo**
Everyone, be kind to her.
**[10:34] Toto**
I look forward to working with all of you.
**[10:36] All**
Hello.
***SIGN*** "New Employee Totoko"
**[10:46] Todo**
Huh? These numbers aren't adding up.
**[10:49] Todo**
Yowai-kun.
**[10:50] Toto**
Yes, sir?
**[10:51] Todo**
Do you have a moment?
**[10:52] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[10:57] Todo**
Yowai-kun.
**[10:58] Toto**
Yes, sir?
**[10:59] Todo**
Sorry, do you have a moment?
**[11:01] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[11:05] Todo**
Yowai-kun?
**[11:06] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[11:07] Todo**
Yowai-kun?
**[11:08] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[11:10] Todo**
Hey, Yowai-kun.
**[11:11] Toto**
Yes? What's the matter, Matsuno-san?
**[11:13] Todo**
Uh, I've been calling you over and over.
**[11:16] Toto**
Yes. And that's why I've been
waiting here this whole time.
**[11:19] Todo**
Could you come by?
**[11:20] Toto**
Pardon?
**[11:21] Todo**
Could you come over when I call you?
**[11:23] Todo**
Your superior is calling you.
**[11:25] Toto**
Oh, I see. But no one told me that.
**[11:29] Todo**
Huh?
**[11:30] Toto**
No one told me that I had to walk
over if a superior called for me,
**[11:34] Toto**
so I couldn't do it.
**[11:37] Toto**
Huh? Is something wrong?
**[11:39] Todo**
Huh? No, never mind.
**[11:41] Todo**
I just wanted to ask you to do something.
**[11:44] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[11:45] Todo**
The numbers aren't adding up on this
document, so could you fix it?
**[11:49] Todo**
I don't think it'll take that long,
so have it done by lunch.
**[11:54] Toto**
Understood.
**[11:55] Todo**
Thanks.
**[12:00] Todo**
Man, it's already lunchtime.
**[12:03] Todo**
H-H-Huh?
**[12:04] Toto**
I'm so hungry. I wonder what I should eat.
**[12:07] Todo**
H-H-Hey, wait! Yowai-kun?
**[12:10] Toto**
Yes, sir?
**[12:11] Todo**
What are you doing?
**[12:12] Toto**
I'm going to eat lunch.
Would you like to join me, Matsuno-san?
**[12:15] Todo**
What about the document?
**[12:16] Toto**
Pardon?
**[12:17] Todo**
The document. I asked you to look over
the numbers and fix them, didn't I?
**[12:21] Toto**
Oh, yes. I did my best.
**[12:24] Todo**
You did your best to... what?
**[12:26] Toto**
I did my best!
**[12:27] Toto**
I opened up software I've
never used in my life,
**[12:30] Toto**
used a keyboard I've never used before
in my life, and did the best that I could!
**[12:35] Toto**
Like, really. Yes, I really,
really did my best!
**[12:40] Todo**
I see. And?
**[12:41] Toto**
Pardon?
**[12:42] Todo**
Well, you keep telling me about the process,
but I wanted to know the results.
**[12:46] Todo**
Did you finish?
**[12:47] Toto**
I did not.
**[12:48] Todo**
You didn't finish.
**[12:49] Toto**
I did not.
**[12:52] Todo**
Listen, um... This is your first day.
**[12:55] Todo**
I'm sure there are things
you aren't used to, but...
**[12:56] Toto**
I messed up!
**[12:58] Todo**
Uh, what?
**[12:58] Toto**
I messed up! I mean, you told me
to have it done by lunchtime,
**[13:03] Toto**
so I should have finished it
by then, no matter what.
**[13:05] Toto**
That's what a job is. I'm very sorry.
**[13:08] Todo**
You just made a total 180.
**[13:10] Todo**
That's not what you were
saying at first, was it?
**[13:12] Todo**
You were trying another method, weren't you?
**[13:13] Todo**
Oh, I see.
**[13:16] Todo**
Your answers don't even make any sense.
**[13:18] Todo**
Well, whatever. Could you
give me that document back?
**[13:21] Todo**
I have to send that over by 2:00 PM,
so I'll just do it real quick.
**[13:25] Toto**
Here. Thank you!
**[13:26] Todo**
That was fast. Faster than I've
ever seen you move before.
**[13:30] Toto**
I'm going to lunch now.
**[13:31] Todo**
So fast!
**[13:36] Todo**
All right, sent. So the next project...
**[13:40] Todo**
Oh, right.
**[13:41] Todo**
Yowai-kun.
**[13:44] Todo**
Yowai-kun, do you have a moment?
**[13:48] Todo**
Huh?
**[13:52] Todo**
Uh, Yowai-kun?!
**[13:57] Todo**
Hey! Hey!
**[13:59] Toto**
Oh, Matsuno-san. Is something wrong?
**[14:02] Todo**
I could ask you the same thing!
Why are you sleeping?!
**[14:05] Toto**
I was bored.
**[14:07] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:07] Toto**
Well, you corrected the document for me,
so I didn't have anything to do anymore.
***SIGN*** My Neighbor Totoko
***SIGN*** New Cosmetics Even more beautiful
**[14:15] Toto**
Huh? Um, can I help you?
**[14:17] Todo**
Uh, could you not wait
for me to give you work,
**[14:20] Todo**
but actually find something to do yourself?
**[14:22] Todo**
You're in an office.
**[14:24] Toto**
I see. But no one told me, so I couldn't.
**[14:28] Todo**
What's wrong with you?!
**[14:30] Toto**
Huh?
**[14:30] Todo**
You've been pretty awful.
Your superior called you, but you never came.
**[14:34] Todo**
You didn't finish your work by
the deadline. You fell asleep.
**[14:36] Todo**
That's all bad.
**[14:38] Toto**
I-I'm sorry...
**[14:40] Todo**
I'll do what I can to help you out,
so could you work a little harder? Okay?
**[14:44] Toto**
Yes, sir.
**[14:46] Toto**
I hope I can learn to do this
work as well as you do soon.
**[14:50] Todo**
Do you? Well, I'm glad to hear you say that.
**[14:54] Toto**
I'll do my best, so please bear with me.
**[14:58] Todo**
Yeah. I'm glad we got
to have this real talk.
***SIGN*** Resignation
**[15:07] Toto**
I'm quitting this job.
**[15:09] Todo**
What?!
**[15:11] Todo**
Why?! What happened in this
short period of time?
**[15:13] Todo**
You're kidding, right?
**[15:14] Toto**
I realized I'm not cut out for this job.
**[15:17] Toto**
I only get yelled at, and no
one acknowledges my work.
**[15:21] Toto**
And to be honest, you don't like me,
do you, Matsuno-san?
**[15:25] Todo**
Uh, I've never actually disliked you.
**[15:28] Toto**
I'm quitting.
**[15:29] Todo**
Wait, Yowai-kun! I'll be honest here!
**[15:32] Todo**
We're short on people right now,
so we'll be in a bind if you quit.
**[15:36] Todo**
Could you reconsider?
Will you consider staying with us?
**[15:39] Toto**
All right. I'll keep trying for a little longer.
**[15:42] Todo**
Really?!
**[15:43] Toto**
Yes. I'll quit trying to run away just
because something didn't go right.
**[15:48] Toto**
I came to work at this office, after all.
**[15:52] Todo**
Yeah. You get 100% for that analysis.
**[15:54] Toto**
I'll show my intent with my actions,
not just my words.
**[15:56] Todo**
100% for that analysis!
**[15:57] Toto**
I won't always go after the biggest goal,
**[15:59] Toto**
but work as hard as I can, step by step!
**[16:01] Todo**
100%!
**[16:02] Toto**
And so, I look forward
to working with you more.
**[16:05] Todo**
I can believe all that, right?
**[16:08] Toto**
Yes, sir!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Trading
***SIGN*** Yowai Totoko
***SIGN*** Unable to Connect
**[16:16] Voice**
* The number you have dialed*
* cannot be reached.*
**[16:24] Voice**
*The number you have dialed cannot be...*
**[16:26] Ichiko**
Matsuno-san, she totally bailed.
She didn't care about this job at all.
**[16:31] Jushi**
By the way, we did all this work by
ourselves without you having to ask!
**[16:37] Both**
Here you go.
**[16:40] Todo**
Shut up, uggos!
**[16:42] Ichi**
What? I'm shocked!
**[16:44] Jyushi**
That's power harassment
and sexual harassment!
***SIGN*** End
**[16:45] Jyushi**
Power harassment! Sexual harassment!
***SIGN*** "Dubbingmatsu-san"
**[16:49] Kohai**
Wow, this is the first time I've come here.
***SIGN*** Matsuno Sextuplets
16:00~Mr. Osomatsu Dubbing
B1F Recording stage
***SIGN*** "Person A, whom we've seen
around the recording studio,
but we don't know what he does"
**[16:52] Kohai**
So this is where they do the recording
for the anime, *Mr. Osomatsu*.
**[16:55] Senpai**
Oh, so this is your first time.
***SIGN*** "Person B, whom we've seen
around the recording studio,
but we don't know what he does"
**[16:59] Senpai**
Listen up.
**[17:00] Senpai**
This is where they do the most empyreal
and creative work in the anime business...
**[17:04] Senpai**
no, in the world... no, in the universe.
**[17:06] Senpai**
As a newbie, I'm sure you'll
learn a thing or two here.
**[17:09] Senpai**
Pay close attention.
**[17:09] Kohai**
Yes, sir.
**[17:17] Oso**
Good morning. Pleasure working with you.
**[17:20] Kara**
Yo. Heya.
**[17:24] Choro**
Good morning. Pleasure working with you.
**[17:27] Ichi**
Hello and good morning!
Pleasure working with you again!
**[17:32] Jyushi**
Mornin'...
**[17:34] Todo**
Pleasure.
**[17:36] Kohai**
Huh? Wh-Who are those people?
**[17:39] Senpai**
Those are the sextuplets.
**[17:41] Kohai**
That's them?
**[17:47] Kohai**
Wow, it's really them.
**[17:49] Senpai**
That's so they won't get recognized.
**[17:50] Senpai**
They're the absolute best,
with 50 million fans each.
**[17:54] Senpai**
If they were to be seen around town,
they'd cause a huge panic.
**[17:59] Kohai**
Wow, that's amazing.
**[18:01] Senpai**
It is.
**[18:03] Kohai**
By the way, what are those things they have?
**[18:05] Senpai**
Those are humidifiers.
**[18:06] Kohai**
Humidifiers?
**[18:07] Senpai**
Voice professionals take every
measure to care for their throats.
**[18:10] Senpai**
They live their lives with their
humidifiers in hand at any given moment.
**[18:15] Senpai**
They even have spare
throats prepared for them.
**[18:17] Kohai**
Spare throats? They're so well prepared!
**[18:19] Senpai**
Indeed.
**[18:20] Kara**
Nice summer!
**[18:22] Kara**
800 summer! Great summer!
**[18:24] Kara**
This isn't enough. This isn't enough
summer to rid schools of bullying!
**[18:28] Kohai**
What's he doing?
**[18:28] Kara**
Nice summer!
**[18:30] Kara**
800 summer! Great summer!
**[18:30] Senpai**
Final adjustments. Even if everyone
else is satisfied with their work,
**[18:33] Senpai**
they keep practicing until
they're personally satisfied.
**[18:36] Senpai**
They make 800 million a year,
but they never slack off at work.
**[18:38] Senpai**
They are true professionals.
**[18:39] Jyushi**
Bobobo... boeh! Boeba!
**[18:43] Jyushi**
Something's not right.
**[18:45] Jyushi**
I'm just acting out this
simple boeba right now...
**[18:48] Jyushi**
But I have to create a boeba
that will move the masses.
**[18:52] Jyushi**
Boeba!
**[18:52] Kohai**
Amazing...
**[18:56] Todo**
Scrubbing my ass with scallops.
Scrubbing my ass with scallops.
**[19:00] Todo**
Scrubbing... ugh! That's not it!
**[19:02] Todo**
It's totally wrong, you idiot!
**[19:03] Todo**
What did I go study abroad for?
**[19:05] Todo**
I can't scrub my ass with scallops properly!
**[19:07] Todo**
I'm pathetic!
**[19:10] Choro**
Huh. That'll set your ass hair on fire.
**[19:13] Choro**
Set your ass hair on...
**[19:13] Choro**
No, no. This doesn't feel like
any ass hair will burn at all.
**[19:18] Choro**
Hey, someone! Set my ass hair on fire for me!
**[19:21] Oso**
Lucky me! I can see your panties!
**[19:23] Oso**
I can see your panties!
**[19:24] Oso**
Ugh, this is no good. Hey, someone!
**[19:25] Oso**
Show me your panties!
**[19:27] Kohai**
W-Wow... They go to such lengths
to get into character.
**[19:31] Senpai**
Since the sextuplets that appear
in the anime are all virgins,
**[19:34] Senpai**
the six that actually voice
them have also been castrated.
**[19:37] Kohai**
Castrated?!
**[19:38] Kohai**
They'd go that far? That's amazing!
**[19:40] Senpai**
It is.
**[19:41] Direct**
Hello, sextuplets. Let's get started.
**[19:46] Kohai**
Huh? Once the director said they're
starting, they all started stripping.
**[19:51] Senpai**
Do you know the most
important rule of dubbing?
**[19:53] Kohai**
Rule?
**[19:53] Senpai**
When you're in the studio, you can't be
in there with anything that'll make noise.
**[19:58] Senpai**
For example, fancy earrings or necklaces.
**[20:00] Senpai**
Any noise, including noise from
turning the pages of the script,
**[20:03] Senpai**
will interrupt the session.
**[20:04] Kohai**
I see.
**[20:05] Senpai**
But if those are the only precautions
they're taking, they still have a lot to learn.
**[20:08] Senpai**
If you want to know what the
true professionals do...
**[20:12] Senpai**
They get completely naked.
**[20:18] Oso**
All right! Dubbing, all right!
**[20:23] Oso**
Haven't fondled any boobies,
come on now, Sunday!
**[20:44] Direct**
All right, let's start recording.
**[20:47] Kohai**
Wait, what was that?
**[20:49] Senpai**
That happens with every project.
**[20:51] Kohai**
I had no idea.
**[20:53] Direct**
Okay, go ahead.
**[21:03] Kohai**
Huh? Hey, wait a sec!
**[21:04] Kohai**
Those lines aren't in the script!
**[21:06] Senpai**
Only newbies would read the lines
that are actually in the script.
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[21:10] Senpai**
When you're at their level,
you change all of the lines in the script,
**[21:14] Senpai**
rearrange them,
**[21:14] Senpai**
make them your own, and come up
with a completely different story.
**[21:17] Kohai**
Wow...
**[21:18] Oso**
Okay, we're good.
**[21:19] Kohai**
Wait, did he just call the take himself?
**[21:22] Choro**
This one's good.
**[21:24] Todo**
Thank you.
**[21:26] Senpai**
They've never had to do any retakes.
**[21:28] Kohai**
Amazing.
**[21:30] Direct**
All right. That's it for today.
**[21:32] Kohai**
They seem to be done...
**[21:40] Kohai**
Wow, that's amazing!
**[21:44] Kohai**
Whoa! Amazing!
**[21:45] Kohai**
What?!
**[21:53] Kohai**
Amazing!
**[21:56] Staff**
Great job, everyone.
**[21:56] Some**
Thank you very much.
**[22:00] Kohai**
Man, who would've thought such professionals
**[22:02] Kohai**
were behind those
shitty episodes that air on TV?
**[22:05] Senpai**
Makes you respect them even more.
***SIGN*** End
**[22:07] Kohai**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:40] Ichi**
It's cold. Wish I had some
oden from Chibita's place.
**[23:43] Ichi**
I don't have any money, though.
**[23:45] Ichi**
Food stalls are cold. I wonder
if he'll ever have an actual shop.
***SIGN*** "Chibita's Revenge"
**[23:49] Ichi**
I don't have any money, though.
**[23:50] Ichi**
I do intend to pay you.
# E11 - Chibita's Revenge
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR1914016/chibitas-revenge)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Chibita's Revenge"
**[01:35] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[01:37] Chibi**
Stop drinking! Stop it!
**[01:39] Chibi**
Stop eating! Stop!
**[01:42] Chibi**
Don't you dare pout like
you're hungry, you idjits!
***SIGN*** 5/21 Tab
**[01:46] Chibi**
Look at how huge your tab is!
**[01:49] Chibi**
You jerks keep eating and drinking
for free every single time!
**[01:51] Chibi**
I'm not serving you guys
a single thing today!
**[01:54] Chibi**
If you don't have any money,
then scram! Right now!
**[01:58] Oso**
You've got it all wrong, Chibita.
There's a very deep reason for this.
**[02:01] Choro**
Yeah. There's a reason behind this.
**[02:04] Todo**
It's true that we probably shouldn't
come here without any money,
**[02:07] Todo**
but we just somehow end up here.
**[02:09] Todo**
It's because
**[02:10] Todo**
the oden you make is so good!
**[02:14] Jyu**
Yeah, this oden is so good.
**[02:16] Ichi**
Yup.
**[02:18] Chib**
That good?
**[02:19] Kara**
Why hasn't Micholin found this shop yet?
**[02:22] Chib**
Micholin?!
**[02:23] Oso**
You're a genius, Chibita.
**[02:25] Choro**
Your oden is just too good.
**[02:26] Jyushi**
Chef Chibita!
**[02:27] Todo**
You're God's gift to oden.
**[02:29] Jyushi**
Chef Chibita!
**[02:30] Kara**
You've got nothing but talent!
**[02:32] Ichi**
I'm jealous.
**[02:34] Chibi**
Y-Y-You idjits. Stop flattering me.
**[02:38] Chibi**
You're making me blush.
**[02:39] Todo**
But we shouldn't.
**[02:41] Todo**
I mean, our tab's huge.
It's not fair to Chibita.
**[02:45] Todo**
Let's go home for today.
**[02:47] Some**
Yeah.
**[02:50] Todo**
Come on. Let's just come another time.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[02:52] Chibi**
Hold it.
**[02:55] Chibi**
There. Have a bite before you leave.
**[02:57] All**
What?! Really?
**[02:59] ---**
But what about the tab?
***SIGN*** We have WiFi
**[03:01] Chibi**
Stop worrying about some
stupid tab, you idjits.
**[03:05] Chibi**
You can pay me when
you have the money.
**[03:09] All**
Thanks, Chibita!
**[03:14] Chibi**
Don't forget about that tab, though.
**[03:16] All**
Sure!
**[03:18] Chibi**
Man, they're fast! It's all gone already!
**[03:21] Some**
Thanks!
**[03:23] Some**
So full!
**[03:24] Some**
Thanks!
**[03:27] Chibi**
Jeez, they're hopeless.
***SIGN*** Pachinko Ryuu
**[03:38] Three**
We lost again.
**[03:40] Chibi**
Hey.
**[03:48] Three**
Of course we lost.
**[03:51] Chibi**
Hey.
**[03:58] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[04:00] Chibi**
You guys won't pay me for
all that food and drink,
**[04:02] Chibi**
so why are you messing with
pachinko and horse races?!
**[04:04] Oso**
Y-You've got it all wrong, Chibita!
There's a good reason behind this!
**[04:07] Chibi**
I'm not falling for that again!
**[04:11] Kara**
Are you okay, Choromatsu?
I'm coming to save you, Choromatsu!
**[04:14] Choro**
Then stop running, you Shittymatsu!
**[04:19] Choro**
Get him off me! Hurry up
and get Chibita off me!
**[04:23] All**
Let go!
**[04:25] Chibi**
Then pay up!
**[04:27] Fou**
Let go!
**[04:29] Chibi**
Pay up!
**[04:30] Four**
Let go!
**[04:30] Todo**
You can do it! Don't give up!
**[04:32] Chibi**
Pay up!
**[04:33] Four**
Let go!
**[04:35] Chibi**
Pay up!
**[04:36] Four**
Let go!
**[04:55] Kara**
Chibita, are you all right?
**[04:58] Oso**
Sorry. Did we pull out your hair?
**[05:17] Choro**
U-Um, we really will pay
that tab sometime soon.
**[05:22] Jyu**
Yeah, we will.
**[05:24] Ichi**
W-We'll be leaving now.
**[05:26] Todo**
Sorry, Chibita!
**[06:11] Ichi**
What? It's already this late?
**[06:15] Ichi**
What's with the weather? It's insane.
**[06:24] Oso**
Man, that was some good sleep.
We probably shouldn't live like this.
**[06:28] Oso**
It's not like I don't feel guilty at all.
**[06:33] Todo**
It's still not working.
**[06:35] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[06:36] Todo**
Oh, Osomatsu-niisan.
Something weird's going on.
**[06:39] Oso**
Weird?
**[06:40] Todo**
My cell phone hasn't been connecting.
**[06:42] Todo**
For some reason it says no service.
***SIGN*** No Service
**[06:44] Todo**
I wonder if I dropped it somewhere.
**[06:47] Choro**
The TV's being weird, too.
**[06:53] Jyushi**
And the lights.
**[06:57] Jyu**
They keep doing that.
**[07:01] Oso**
Oh, yeah. Where are Mom and Dad?
**[07:03] Jyushi**
They're gone.
**[07:05] Oso**
Gone?
**[07:06] Kara**
Ichimatsu, too. When I woke up,
he was nowhere to be found.
**[07:09] Oso**
Huh? Wh-What's up with that?
**[07:17] Oso**
What the hell?
**[07:20] Kara**
Hey, look!
**[07:31] Choro**
I-Ichimatsu!
**[07:33] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[07:36] Todo**
What is this?! What's going on?
**[07:39] Kara**
It must be Chibita.
**[07:41] Kara**
He's finally out for revenge.
**[07:44] Oso**
Chibita? I mean, a lot happened yesterday,
but he doesn't need to go this far...
**[07:49] Jyushi**
Nii-san!
**[07:55] Choro**
W-We need to close all the windows
and doors! He'll come again!
**[07:58] Choro**
We can't let him in the house! Hurry!
**[08:11] Kara**
There.
**[08:12] Kara**
He shouldn't be able to get in now.
**[08:15] Todo**
We should be fine as long
as we don't go outside.
**[08:17] Kara**
Yeah.
**[08:28] Todo**
H-How long do we have to stay like this?
**[08:36] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan.
**[08:37] Choro**
Huh?
**[08:38] Todo**
Don't you need to go to the bathroom?
**[08:40] Choro**
Huh? Where'd that come from?
**[08:42] Choro**
You're the one who needs to go.
**[08:44] Oso**
What? Totty, you need
to go to the bathroom?
**[08:46] Oso**
Sure. Go right ahead.
**[08:48] Kara**
Since you're telling him to go ahead,
**[08:51] Kara**
I think you just proved you
need to go, too, Osomatsu.
**[08:55] Jyu**
I gotta go pee.
**[08:58] Four**
What?!
**[08:59] Jyu**
What?!
**[08:59] Todo**
You have to pee? Then go right ahead!
**[09:02] Jyu**
I didn't say that.
**[09:02] Todo**
Uh, you totally did.
**[09:04] Jyu**
Did not.
**[09:05] Kara**
It's all right, Jyushimatsu.
Don't worry about us.
**[09:07] Jyu**
I didn't say that!
**[09:09] Kara**
All right, then. Majority rules.
**[09:11] Kara**
Let's point to who we think
should go to the bathroom first.
**[09:15] Kara**
Ready, and...
**[09:17] Kara**
Why?! How did I get picked,
with the way things were going?!
**[09:21] Choro**
Well, being picked at a time like this
**[09:23] Choro**
is basically Karamatsu's reason for living.
**[09:25] Kara**
Brother, where did all your
kindness from last week go?
**[09:31] Oso**
Never mind. I'm not going to the bathroom.
**[09:33] Oso**
I didn't need to go anyway.
**[09:35] Jyu**
I-I don't need to go, either.
**[09:38] Todo**
I don't, either.
**[09:39] Choro**
Same.
**[09:40] Kara**
M-M-M-Me, too.
**[09:51] Oso**
There, there. It's not scary, Osomatsu.
**[09:55] Oso**
See? It's totally fine.
**[10:06] Oso**
Yup, not scary at all.
All the entrances are blocked.
**[10:14] Oso**
I mean, even if I was attacked, I'd win.
**[10:16] Oso**
I'm a really good fighter.
**[10:20] Oso**
Scary! This is so scary!
**[10:22] Oso**
What the hell?! This is pissing me off!
**[10:56] Oso**
Okay, I'm gonna head back for now.
**[10:59] Choro**
What the hell are you doing?
**[11:03] Choro**
You're insanely freaked out. How pathetic.
**[11:06] Todo**
You okay?
**[11:13] Jyushi**
Aw, and I was going to surprise you.
**[11:18] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[11:21] Choro**
Come on, cut that out.
**[11:23] Choro**
He's going to die.
**[11:27] Oso**
Huh? Where's Karamatsu?
***SIGN*** Just you wait, sextuplets!
**[11:37] Todo**
Wh-What's going on? How?
**[11:41] Choro**
He's here.
***SIGN*** Just you wait, sextuplets!
**[11:43] Choro**
Chibita's already in the house.
***SIGN*** I'm so pissed! You idiots!
***SIGN*** Revenge
**[11:51] Choro**
Todomatsu!
**[11:53] Choro**
Hey! What are you doing?!
**[11:55] Todo**
What do you think?
I'm getting out of the house!
**[11:57] Jyu**
Totty!
**[11:57] Choro**
No! It's safer staying in the
house with everyone else!
**[12:00] Oso**
Totty!
**[12:01] Todo**
Let go!
**[12:14] Chibi**
Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun.
**[12:20] Chibi**
The purple Matsu got it in the mouth.
**[12:26] Chibi**
The blue Matsu got it in the ears.
**[12:32] Chibi**
Which Matsu will it be next? The hell?
**[13:28] Totty**
Wh-What the heck is this?!
**[13:30] Totty**
What the heck is this?!
**[14:05] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[14:21] Choro**
W-Wait!
**[14:23] Choro**
Wait!
***SIGN*** Iyami
**[14:25] Oso**
Iyami!
**[14:26] Choro**
Open up, Iyami!
**[14:28] Jyushi**
Iyami!
**[14:31] Oso**
Iyami!
**[14:31] Iyami**
Wh-What is it, Ichimatsu?
**[14:33] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu, but let us in!
**[14:36] Iyami**
Why?
**[14:36] Choro**
Just hurry and let us in!
**[14:38] Jyushi**
Hurry!
**[14:39] Oso**
Come on, please! If we stay
out here, we're going to die!
**[14:42] Iyami**
Oh, I see. Scram.
**[14:44] Choro**
Uh, we're going to die!
**[14:45] Iyami**
Scram.
**[14:46] Jyushi**
We're gonna die!
**[14:47] Iyami**
Scram!
**[14:48] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:49] Iyami**
No one said you could come in! Scram!
**[14:54] Iyami**
Chibita is out to get you?
That's very unfortunate.
**[14:57] Choro**
This isn't funny!
**[14:59] Jyushi**
Iyami, do you have any weapons?
Like missiles or bombs?
**[15:02] Iyami**
Give it up. The moment Chibita decided
to come after you, you lot were finished.
**[15:07] Choro**
Don't say that!
**[15:09] Oso**
Help us come up with a plan!
**[15:11] Oso**
We're pals, aren't we? Come on!
**[15:13] Uggo**
Who is that, Iyami-chan?
Hurry up and tell them to leave.
**[15:21] Iyami**
You guys are hopeless.
Me will let you stay here, just for tonight.
**[15:24] Iyami**
Once it's morning, you need to scram.
**[15:26] Three**
Iyami!
**[15:28] Oso**
We really are best buds!
**[15:31] Choro**
Seriously, thank you!
**[15:32] Jyu**
Iyami!
**[15:42] Iyami**
Me just did another good deed.
**[15:45] Iyami**
You must be hungry.
Me will order some take-out.
**[15:49] Oso**
Thank goodness.
**[15:50] Choro**
We're saved!
**[15:52] Jyushi**
Iyami's so nice.
**[15:54] Oso**
Yeah. Iyami's actually a kind soul...
**[15:59] Three**
L-Like hell he is!
**[16:04] Chibi**
Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun.
**[16:09] Chibi**
The purple Matsu got it in the mouth.
**[16:15] Chibi**
The blue Matsu got it in the ears.
**[16:18] Iyami**
Go right ahead.
**[16:21] Chibi**
The pink Matsu got it in the nose.
**[16:26] Chibi**
Which Matsu will it be next? The hell?
**[16:40] Oso**
W-Wait, Chibita. Calm down!
**[16:42] Choro**
Let's talk this out! Okay?
**[16:43] Jyushi**
We're childhood friends!
Childhood friends!
**[16:45] Oso**
Why are you so mad, anyway?
Because we didn't pay the tab?
**[16:49] Oso**
Because we plucked your hair out?
It'll just grow back anyw—
**[16:52] Chibi**
You idjit!
**[16:57] Chibi**
This hair...
**[16:58] Choro**
I-It's in a frame!
**[17:01] Chibi**
This one hair... was my final bastion.
**[17:06] Chibi**
Since you pulled it out...
**[17:09] Chibi**
I'm just another completely bald person!
**[17:16] Choro**
Uh, I'm pretty sure you were before—
**[17:18] Chibi**
You thought it yesterday, didn't you?!
That I was completely bald!
**[17:23] Oso**
Actually, not just yesterday...
**[17:25] Jyushi**
Honestly, we thought that
ever since we met you...
**[17:27] Chibi**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[17:30] Chibi**
This might be funny to you,
**[17:32] Chibi**
but this is so shocking to me
that my world has basically ended!
**[17:36] Chibi**
So...
**[17:38] Chibi**
I'm going to kill you idjits!
**[17:40] Oso**
Nothing we say is going to help us now.
**[17:42] Choro**
Yeah.
**[17:51] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:56] Oso**
Save me!
**[17:58] Choro**
Hey! That's messed up!
**[17:59] Oso**
Please!
**[18:00] Jyushi**
Stop it! Let go!
**[18:02] Both**
Here you go!
**[18:03] Oso**
You bastards betrayed me!
You're terrible people!
**[18:06] Choro**
You have the nerve to say that?!
**[18:19] Chibi**
Do you guys remember?
My head's as hard as a rock!
**[18:23] Chibi**
Since we're childhood friends,
I'm sure you know I hold grudges!
**[18:27] Chibi**
You also know how resilient I am...
**[18:49] Chibi**
And you know that I never
forget to repay my debts!
**[19:02] Chibi**
You could never beat me
one-on-one, you idjit.
***SIGN*** Cut
**[19:08] Chibi**
Looks like you're the last one, Jyushimatsu.
**[19:12] Chibi**
You're the one
**[19:13] Chibi**
who pulled out my last hair, aren't you?
***SIGN*** Cut
**[19:18] Chibi**
You didn't say anything because
you thought you'd get in trouble.
**[19:21] Chibi**
But I knew.
**[19:25] Chibi**
You've got some nerve, you idjit.
I'm not holding back!
**[19:53] Jyushi**
Boeba!
**[19:57] Jyushi**
What just happened?
***SIGN*** One more time, in slow motion
**[20:29] Jyushi**
Boeba!
**[20:32] Jyushi**
What just happened?
**[20:37] Chibi**
I won!
**[20:39] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
***SIGN*** Mustard
**[20:50] Chibi**
All right, everyone, all together now.
**[20:52] Chibi**
And a...
**[20:53] Chibi**
Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun.
**[20:57] Chibi**
The purple Matsu got it in the mouth.
**[21:01] Chibi**
The blue Matsu got it in the ears.
**[21:05] Chibi**
The pink Matsu got it in the nose.
**[21:09] Chibi**
The green Matsu got it in the eyes.
**[21:13] Chibi**
The red Matsu got it in the ass.
**[21:17] Chibi**
The yellow Matsu got it in
his Matsu down below.
**[21:21] Chibi**
And now it's complete, the hell?
**[21:26] Dad**
Oh, dear. I have no idea what's going on,
**[21:29] Dad**
but I'm sure this is some kind
of punishment they deserved.
**[21:33] Mom**
I'm sure it is.
**[21:35] Dad**
Aloha!
**[21:36] Mom**
Hawaii!
**[21:37] Chibi**
That's what you get.
**[21:39] Toto**
Hey, it's baldy!
**[21:41] Chibi**
Who you callin' baldy, you idjit?! Dam—
**[21:44] Chibi**
Oh, Totoko-chan!
**[21:46] Toto**
How cute. You look so much better this way.
**[21:49] Chibi**
What? R-Really?
**[21:52] Toto**
Yeah. It suits you.
**[21:55] Chibi**
Really? Yeah, I was just thinking
I look better this way, too.
**[22:01] Chibi**
It was pretty half-assed,
just having one hair left.
**[22:05] Chibi**
Of course being completely bald is better.
**[22:07] Toto**
Yeah, you've got good taste, Chibita-kun.
**[22:10] Chibi**
Thanks! Man, now I'm all popular.
**[22:14] Chibi**
What am I gonna do?
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "The Eitarou Family" etc.
**[23:49] Ichi**
I want to fart next time.
**[23:52] Jyu**
I also want to let it all hang out.
# E12 - The Eitarou Family
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYMGW008Y/the-eitarou-family)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Totoko and Nyaa 3"
**[00:11] Totoko**
What should I do?
**[00:12] Totoko**
This isn't good. Not good at all.
**[00:17] Totoko**
What should I do?
**[00:19] Totoko**
This isn't good. I might be in real trouble.
**[00:25] Totoko**
What should I do?
**[00:27] Totoko**
I'm troubled. Will anyone hear me out?
**[00:32] Totoko**
If you don't hear me out,
I might end up in worse trouble.
**[00:36] Totoko**
The absolute worst might happen!
**[00:39] Totoko**
Seriously, what should I do?
**[00:42] Nyaa**
Shut up!
**[00:43] Nyaa**
What's with you? You're ruining my liquor.
**[00:46] Nyaa**
Is something bothering you?
**[00:48] Totoko**
Huh?
**[00:49] Totoko**
No, it's nothing. I'll be fine.
**[00:53] Nyaa**
*You're so annoying!*
**[00:55] Nyaa**
* You're hinting at it so much,*
* and when I finally ask,*
**[00:57] Nyaa**
*you act like nothing's wrong! I hate you!*
**[01:02] Totoko**
You see, I...
**[01:03] Nyaa**
*Now she's telling me anyway!*
**[01:05] Toto**
I'm thinking about quitting being an idol.
**[01:08] Nyaa**
Huh?
**[01:10] Nyaa**
Wh-What's wrong? Did something happen?
**[01:14] Nyaa**
Tell me, even though I might
not be able to say much about it.
**[01:18] Nyaa**
I mean, we're always
here drinking together.
**[01:24] Toto**
Sorry. Is it okay to tell you?
**[01:26] Nyaa**
Yeah.
**[01:27] Toto**
You see...
**[01:29] Toto**
I was just thinking that idols...
**[01:30] Chibi**
*What?!*
**[01:31] Chibi**
*They're hearing out each other's problems?*
**[01:33] Chibi**
*What the heck is this?!*
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
**[03:07] Ei**
One, two, three, four, five,
***SIGN*** "The Eitarou Family"
**[03:13] Ei**
six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
**[03:19] Ei**
Are you ready?
**[03:22] Jyu**
I'm ready!
**[03:32] Ei**
Huh?
**[03:34] Ei**
Jyushimatsu, where are you?
**[03:38] Ei**
Okay, I give up. Come out, Jyushimatsu!
**[03:47] Jyu**
Boba!
**[03:51] Ei**
A-Amazing! You're amazing, Jyushimatsu!
**[03:55] Ei**
So cool!
**[03:58] Ei**
What the heck is that?!
**[04:02] Ei**
So cool!
**[04:05] Ei**
What?!
**[04:08] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[04:09] Ei**
Amazing!
**[04:11] Jyu**
Boeba!
**[04:12] Ei**
You're too amazing!
**[04:17] Ei**
So cool!
**[04:20] Ei**
You really are the best, Jyushimatsu.
**[04:23] Ei**
I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
**[04:26] Jyu**
Eitarou, you should call me "Master."
**[04:30] Ei**
You're amazing, Jyushimatsu.
**[04:32] Jyu**
You should call me "Master."
**[04:34] Ei**
I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
***SIGN*** Muscle Power
**[04:38] Ei**
Thanks, Master!
**[04:41] Both**
Jyushimatsu is super popular.
**[04:45] Both**
The crows gather and the dogs bark.
**[04:49] Both**
Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu.
**[04:53] Both**
I said Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu.
**[04:56] Both**
Cheers!
**[05:03] Ei**
Sigh...
**[05:04] Ei**
I wonder if I can ever
be like you, Jyushimatsu.
**[05:08] Jyu**
I dunno. It's not really something
you can become just by wanting to.
**[05:12] Ei**
I see...
**[05:15] Jyu**
But I'm sure you can.
**[05:18] Ei**
I can, huh?
**[05:19] Ei**
All right! I'm gonna do my best!
**[05:23] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:24] Todo**
What are they doing? Who is that kid?
**[05:27] Ichi**
Apparently he's Jyushimatsu follower.
**[05:29] Todo**
Follower?!
**[05:30] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[05:31] Ichi**
An unfortunate grade-schooler
who was bewitched by Jyushimatsu's
**[05:35] Ichi**
excitement and physical form.
**[05:36] Todo**
Say what?
**[05:37] Ichi**
You've never seen him?
**[05:39] Ichi**
He's been waiting outside our house lately.
**[05:42] Todo**
Waiting outside our house?
For Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[05:45] Ichi**
This isn't good.
**[05:46] Todo**
Of course it's not. He totally looks
up to him for all the wrong reasons.
**[05:50] Ei**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[05:51] Ichi**
Youthful passion, huh...
**[05:53] Todo**
No surprise he'd get into that.
**[05:53] Both**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[05:55] Ichi**
It's like a hard drug...
**[05:56] Both**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[06:01] Ei**
Say, Jyushimatsu.
***SIGN*** Muscle Power
**[06:03] Ei**
Say, Master.
**[06:04] Jyu**
Yeah?
**[06:05] Ei**
This is just something I heard,
**[06:07] Ei**
but are you something
called a "NEET, "Jyushimatsu?
**[06:09] Jyu**
Huh?! A NEET?
**[06:11] Ei**
What's a NEET?
**[06:13] Jyu**
Huh?
**[06:13] Jyu**
Uh...
**[06:16] Jyu**
It's a position in baseball.
**[06:18] Both**
A position in baseball?!
**[06:19] Ei**
A position in baseball?
**[06:21] Jyu**
It's a position between second and
shortstop, called NEET for short.
**[06:24] Jyu**
Bring it!
**[06:25] Ei**
Huh? Then... does that mean you're a
professional baseball player, Jyushimatsu?!
**[06:30] Jyu**
Yeah. I'm in an independent league, though.
**[06:33] Ei**
Wow... You really are amazing!
**[06:36] Ichi**
He is amazing. He's actually lying to a kid.
**[06:41] Ei**
Also, what's a cherry boy?
**[06:43] Jyu**
I love cherries.
**[06:45] Ei**
Really?
**[06:47] Both**
Really?
**[06:48] Jyu**
All right, Eitarou. Today,
I'll teach you a secret technique.
**[06:52] Ei**
A secret technique? Finally?
**[06:54] Ei**
I've been waiting my whole life for this!
**[06:56] Jyu**
And it's called...
**[06:58] Jyu**
Final...
**[07:00] Jyu**
Fart Rush.
**[07:01] Ei**
Final Fart Rush!
**[07:03] Ei**
What's that? Hurry up and
show me, Jyushimatsu!
**[07:07] Ei**
Hurry, hurry!
**[07:08] Ichi**
Final Fart Rush?!
**[07:10] Todo**
Don't sound so interested.
**[07:12] Jyu**
Okay, here we go.
**[07:18] Jyu**
Final... Fart Rush!
**[07:24] Ei**
That's an amazing rush!
**[07:26] Ei**
How do you do that?
How does your body even work?!
**[07:35] Ei**
You really are the best, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:38] Ei**
I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:43] Ichi**
*To be frank, at the time,*
**[07:46] Ichi**
* I thought he was going to get*
* punished in some way for this.*
**[07:49] Todo**
*Yeah.*
**[07:51] Ichi**
* But it was interesting,*
* so I decided not to say anything.*
**[07:54] Todo**
*Yeah. We totally let it go.*
***SIGN*** One Week Later
**[07:58] Ichi**
*And then, one day...*
**[08:00] Ei**
Hup! Take that!
**[08:04] Ei**
Yay!
**[08:05] Ei**
Reversing two-seam fast pitch!
**[08:06] Ei**
Thanks for the steal!
**[08:08] Ei**
Sorry for the trouble machines!
**[08:10] Ei**
Boeh! Boeba!
**[08:13] Ei**
Boeh! Boeba!
**[08:16] Mom**
Matsuno-san, what's going on here?
**[08:20] Jyu**
Well, uh...
**[08:23] Mom**
He's clearly imitating you, isn't he?
**[08:26] Jyu**
Uh, is he?
**[08:29] Jyu**
I don't know if we can say that for sure.
**[08:31] Ei**
Look, look, Master!
**[08:32] Mom**
"Master"?
**[08:34] Mom**
Did you teach my son something?
**[08:36] Jyu**
No, no...
**[08:37] Mom**
Did you brainwash him?
**[08:38] Jyu**
No, no, no!
**[08:39] Ei**
It's no use!
**[08:41] Ei**
I just can't do it the way
you taught me, Master.
**[08:45] Mom**
How often are you seeing my son?
**[08:49] Jyu**
Huh? Uh... Maybe once a month?
**[08:53] Ei**
We see each other every day!
**[08:54] Jyu**
Eitarou-kun?!
**[08:56] Mom**
Every day...
**[08:57] Mom**
Pardon me for asking,
but what is your occupation?
**[09:00] Ei**
He's a NEET!
**[09:01] Jyu**
Eitarou-kun!
**[09:02] Ei**
He's a professional baseball player
in an independent league,
**[09:04] Ei**
who plays the position
between second and short!
**[09:07] Jyu**
Eitarou-kun!
**[09:08] Ei**
He's also a cherry boy!
**[09:10] Jyu**
Eitarou-kun!
**[09:26] Mom**
What is he...
**[09:27] Jyu**
Oh, that's uh, um...
**[09:29] Mom**
Eitarou.
**[09:30] Jyu**
Ma'am.
**[09:31] Mom**
Eitarou.
**[09:32] Jyushi**
Ma'am! Let's not ask!
**[09:34] Mom**
Eitarou, what are you doing?
**[09:36] Ei**
It's the Final Fart Rush!
**[09:38] Mom**
Huh?
**[09:38] Jyushi**
Eitarou-kun!
**[09:40] Mom**
Final Fart Rush?
**[09:42] Ei**
Yup! Master taught it to me!
**[09:44] Jyu**
Eitarou-kun!
**[09:46] Mom**
What might that be?
**[09:48] Jyu**
Pardon?
**[09:49] Mom**
What exactly is Final Fart Rush?
**[09:55] Ei**
It's a joke.
**[09:57] Mom**
A joke?
**[09:57] Ei**
Yeah! And it's super funny!
**[10:01] Mom**
Matsuno-san, pardon me for asking,
**[10:04] Mom**
but would you mind doing it right now?
**[10:06] Jyu**
Right now? Right here?!
**[10:08] Mom**
I would love to see it.
**[10:10] Jyu**
W-Well, I'm not sure...
**[10:12] Ei**
Come on, do it!
**[10:14] Ei**
But I'm warning you, Mom...
You'll definitely laugh!
**[10:17] Ei**
You'll be in stitches!
You're lucky to be able to see it.
**[10:20] Jyu**
Eitarou!
**[10:23] Mom**
If you would.
**[10:26] Jyu**
U-Um... Do you promise not to get mad?
**[10:31] Mom**
Of course.
**[10:33] Mom**
I'm the one asking you to do it.
**[10:37] Jyu**
Okay...
**[10:38] Ei**
Yes! The Final Fart!
**[10:40] Ei**
We get to see the Final Fart!
**[10:41] Ei**
Huh?
**[10:51] Jyu**
Final...
**[10:54] Jyu**
Fart Ru—
**[10:58] Mom**
I-I'm so sorry. I couldn't hold back.
**[11:03] Jyu**
No, no...
**[11:04] Jyu**
Please don't worry about it.
**[11:06] Mom**
What should I do?
**[11:08] Jyu**
I'm the one at fault here.
**[11:09] Mom**
I'm so sorry.
**[11:12] Ei**
You look funny!
**[11:16] Mom**
Matsuno-san... No, Master...
**[11:19] Jyu**
Huh?
**[11:20] Mom**
I'm sorry for being critical.
**[11:23] Jyu**
Huh?
**[11:24] Mom**
I asked you over to the house
because I had a favor to ask you.
**[11:31] Todo**
They move around a lot?
**[11:32] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[11:34] Jyu**
Apparently Eitarou is constantly
moving because of his dad's job.
**[11:40] Jyu**
Because of that, he hasn't really
been able to make any friends.
**[11:43] Jyu**
His mom said he's always been
a really lonely and sad little kid.
**[11:47] Todo**
Huh... But since he met you...
**[11:51] Ichi**
...he became a happy, energetic kid.
**[11:55] Jyu**
His mom ended up asking me
to keep hanging out with him.
**[12:03] Ichi**
That's a bit iffy, isn't it?
**[12:05] Todo**
Yeah. It'd be better for him if he could
be friends with the kids at school.
**[12:10] Jyu**
Yeah...
**[12:12] Todo**
What are you going to do?
**[12:13] Jyu**
Hmm...
**[12:16] Jyu**
I have no choice.
**[12:18] Jyu**
I'll have to make up more jokes.
**[12:21] Both**
Huh?
**[12:23] Both**
Hop, step, and then...
**[12:25] Ichi**
Uh, Jyushimatsu?
**[12:25] Both**
Crash with all your might!
**[12:27] Todo**
Eitarou-kun? Why would you need
those jokes to make friends?
**[12:33] Todo**
Wait, what's wrong with his family?
There's something wrong here!
**[12:38] Eitarou**
Sheeeh!
**[12:40] Ichi**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's not even his!
**[12:42] Todo**
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's someone else's!
***SIGN*** Comedy
***SIGN*** Heart Technique Physique
***SIGN*** Get the laughs
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Style License Eitarou-dono
**[12:54] Both**
What?
**[13:01] Mom**
I wonder if Eitarou will be okay...
**[13:04] Mom**
Is that joke really funny?
**[13:06] Jyu**
Don't worry. He'll be able to...
**[13:09] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[13:12] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[13:12] Mom**
Such confidence!
**[13:15] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[13:15] Ei**
Here I go!
**[13:29] Ei**
I did it!
**[13:30] Ei**
Jyushimatsu, look! When I did that joke,
I made a ton of friends!
**[13:36] Ei**
It's all thanks to you, Jyushimatsu!
**[13:37] Jyu**
Yes. Well done, my apprentice.
**[13:41] Jyu**
You did it, Eitarou!
**[13:44] Ei**
Yeah!
**[13:46] Ei**
Yay! I did it!
**[13:47] Jyu**
You did it! You did it!
**[13:48] Ei**
Thanks, Jyushimatsu!
**[13:49] Mom**
Thank goodness I took a chance on him.
Good for you, Eitarou.
**[13:50] Jyu**
No problem!
**[13:55] Ei**
Oh, and also, Jyushimatsu...
**[13:57] Ei**
I even got a girlfriend.
**[14:01] Jyu**
Eitarou...
**[14:03] Jyu**
You're expelled!
**[14:05] Jyu**
You're expelled!
**[14:06] Jyu**
You're expelled!
**[14:14] Jyu**
How dare you surpass your Master?!
**[14:16] Mom**
Amazing!
**[14:17] Mom**
M-Master!
**[14:19] Mom**
Master! Make me your apprentice!
**[14:21] Jyu**
No more apprentices!
**[14:22] Mom**
Master!
**[14:24] Jyu**
I'm telling you, no more apprentices!
**[14:26] Mom**
Please!
**[14:27] Jyu**
Nope!
***SIGN*** End
**[14:40] Deka**
How boring.
***SIGN*** "Give Them Back"
**[14:42] Deka**
Nothing's happening. I feel so down.
**[14:51] Deka**
Wh-What are you doing?
**[14:53] Deka**
Don't! Hey!
**[14:58] Deka**
Now you've done it. Give them back.
**[15:04] Deka**
Give them back.
**[15:09] Deka**
Hey!
**[15:13] Deka**
Give them back!
**[15:20] Deka**
Give them back!
**[15:34] Deka**
Now I'm feeling much better. Thank you.
**[15:38] Deka**
It's hard to figure out what
you're really thinking,
**[15:41] Deka**
but you're actually a kind soul.
**[16:21] Deka**
Give them back!
**[16:36] Deka**
Give them back! Hey!
**[16:41] Deka**
Give them back!
**[16:42] Toto**
Eek! A pervert!
**[16:44] Toto**
Mommy!
**[16:45] Deka**
Y-You've got it all wrong!
This is his fault!
**[16:49] Aida**
That hat looks really good on you.
**[16:51] Todo**
Really?
**[16:52] Deka**
Give them back!
**[16:54] Todo**
Hey, you bastard!
**[16:57] Oso**
I lost...
**[16:58] Ichi**
This sucks.
**[17:00] Deka**
Give them back!
**[17:02] Ichi**
What?
**[17:04] ---**
Whoa, hey!
**[17:07] Ei**
Make me your apprentice again!
**[17:11] Deka**
Hold it!
**[17:14] Ei**
Jyushimatsu!
**[17:16] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[17:17] Ei**
Boeh!
***SIGN*** Don't run! It's dangerous!
**[17:21] Deka**
Give them back!
**[17:27] Deka**
Give them back!
**[17:31] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[17:33] Choro**
What, what, what?
**[17:34] Kara**
Wh-Wh-Wh-What is this?!
**[17:36] Kara**
What? What? What?!
**[17:41] Choro**
Isn't this a bit long?
**[17:43] Kara**
What the hell?!
**[17:45] Deka**
Give them back!
**[17:47] Deka**
That's enough! I'm being serious here!
**[17:51] Deka**
Seriously, give them back!
**[17:52] Deka**
Hey!
**[18:01] Deka**
What are you trying to do?
**[18:02] Deka**
What are you thinking?
**[18:05] Deka**
Hey!
**[18:06] Deka**
Hold it!
**[18:09] Deka**
Give them back!
**[19:39] Deka**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[20:42] Deka**
Give them back!
**[20:47] Deka**
I'll never forgive you!
**[20:48] Deka**
Did you hear me?!
I'll never forgive you for this!
**[20:54] Deka**
Give them back!
**[20:57] Deka**
Give them back!
**[21:00] Deka**
Hey!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Totoko and Nyaa 4"
**[22:39] Toto**
That's what's been on my mind lately.
**[22:42] Toto**
So I was thinking it might
be time to call it quits.
**[22:46] Toto**
I seriously don't know what to do.
**[22:48] Nya**
I see... That sucks...
**[22:51] Nya**
Doesn't it?
**[22:51] Toto**
Ow! Hot, hot, hot! Hot, hot, hot!
**[22:54] Toto**
Hot!
**[22:56] Nyaa**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[22:58] Nyaa**
Take that!
**[23:04] Toto**
The hell are you doing?!
**[23:36] Nya**
Bitch!
**[23:37] Toto**
The hell?!
**[23:39] ---**
Damn it!
**[23:42] Toto**
Disappear!
**[23:44] Toto**
You stupid Hashimoto!
***SIGN*** End
**[23:46] Toto**
Die!
**[23:47] Toto**
Uggo!
**[23:48] Nyaa**
You're the uggo!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "End of the Year" etc.
**[23:49] Todo**
The end of the year comes for us NEETs, too.
**[23:51] Todo**
That's both good and bad.
# E13 - End of the Year
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRMGWWG8R/end-of-the-year)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Have a Wonderful New Year"
**[00:13] Choro**
It's the end of the year.
**[00:15] Oso**
Sure is.
**[00:17] Choro**
It went by fast.
**[00:19] Oso**
Sure did.
**[00:21] Choro**
It was a great year.
**[00:23] Oso**
Sure was.
**[00:26] Choro**
We slept, woke up, ate, played pachinko,
went to horse races, played mahjong,
**[00:30] Choro**
went to a bathhouse, drank booze,
got drunk, fapped, and went to bed.
**[00:34] Choro**
What a fulfilling year.
**[00:36] Choro**
Is it really okay that we just
keep living such blissful lives?
**[00:39] Oso**
I'm sure it is.
**[00:45] Choro**
Of course it's not! Are you stupid?!
**[00:47] Choro**
You stupid moron!
**[00:48] Oso**
What? What the heck's going on?
Talk about scary.
**[00:51] Choro**
We didn't do a damn thing again this year!
**[00:53] Choro**
We haven't progressed at all! No changes!
**[00:56] Choro**
When I was a kid, I thought people
our age were more mature.
**[01:02] Choro**
I guess we're still children,
no matter how old we get.
**[01:05] Choro**
And failures will always be failures.
**[01:09] Oso**
Don't worry. There's still time.
**[01:12] Choro**
Huh?
**[01:13] Oso**
I mean, there's still a little bit of time
before the year's over, right?
**[01:17] Oso**
If we hurry up and do something good,
**[01:19] Oso**
we can say this was a good year.
**[01:23] Choro**
I get it.
**[01:24] Choro**
All's well that ends well.
**[01:26] Oso**
Exactly.
**[01:27] Choro**
But what's something good that we can do?
**[01:33] Oso**
If we can rid the world of
one more shitty person...
**[01:35] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[01:39] Choro**
If that's the least we can do...
**[01:42] Both**
This is our good deed!
**[01:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[01:52] Both**
And now for us!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Lottery
**[03:28] Oso**
What?
**[03:29] Oso**
Come on, let's buy one, Ichimatsu-chan.
***SIGN*** "Year-End Jumbo Lottery"
**[03:31] Ichi**
Nope.
**[03:32] Oso**
We'll definitely win.
**[03:33] Ichi**
We won't.
**[03:34] Oso**
We will!
**[03:35] Ichi**
We won't.
**[03:36] Oso**
We will!
**[03:37] Ichi**
We won't.
**[03:38] Oso**
We will!
**[03:39] Oso**
Look at that stand over there!
***SIGN*** Big Winner! 600 million yen End of the Century Jumbo
***SIGN*** Ultra Winner! 1st prize: 100 million yen Cream Jumbo
***SIGN*** Big Winner! 1st prize: 300 million yen Year 200X Autumn Jumbo
**[03:41] Oso**
Look at all those first prizes!
**[03:43] Oso**
We'll definitely win!
**[03:45] Ichi**
Everyone else might win, but I won't.
**[03:48] Oso**
But you will!
**[03:49] Ichi**
I won't. I know this.
**[03:53] Oso**
Ichimatsu-chan!
**[04:06] Kara**
Ichimatsu.
**[04:09] Kara**
Ichimatsu, this way.
**[04:13] Kara**
This way.
**[04:15] Ichi**
Huh?
**[04:23] Kara**
This way.
**[04:28] Kara**
This way, this way.
**[04:33] Kara**
This way.
**[04:47] Kara**
There. Take a look at that.
***SIGN*** Lottery
***SIGN*** Lottery
***SIGN*** Big Winner
***SIGN*** Achieve your dreams!
***SIGN*** You'll win if you buy!!
**[04:53] Kara**
What do you think of that stand?
**[04:55] Ichi**
What's with that stand? It reeks of danger.
**[04:58] Kara**
But that's why it's so interesting.
**[05:00] Kara**
We might actually win if we buy from there.
**[05:02] Ichi**
But it's dangerous.
**[05:04] Kara**
We've got to take some risks
if we want to strike it rich.
**[05:09] Ichi**
We going?
**[05:10] Ichi**
Let's go.
**[05:13] Kara**
Excuse us!
**[05:14] Ichi**
A lottery ticket, please!
**[05:18] Both**
I knew it!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "New Year's Fest"
**[05:30] Toto**
What the hell, Japan?
What's wrong with you, Japan?
**[05:33] Toto**
I managed to get through Christmas
alone again this year!
**[05:36] Toto**
I got through with my steel heart!
**[05:38] Toto**
So why the hell are you
guys living it up with this
**[05:40] Toto**
New Year's Fest at the end of the year?
**[05:43] Toto**
What the hell is a New Year's Fest?!
**[05:44] Toto**
This is Japan! Have a quiet New Year's!
**[05:47] Toto**
Just stay at home!
***SIGN*** New Year's Festival
Party People
Kaboom!
**[05:49] Toto**
If I'm asked if I want to go to a
New Year's Fest, this is what I'll say...
**[05:53] Toto**
I do!
**[05:54] Toto**
I'm super interested!
**[05:56] Toto**
A New Year's Fest seems like so much fun!
**[05:58] Toto**
Like hell, Japan! You dumbasses!
**[06:01] Toto**
This isn't a sideshow!
**[06:02] Toto**
I'm telling you to stay home
at the end of the year! Got it?!
**[06:05] Toto**
Have a wonderful New Year!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Pounding Mochi"
**[07:11] Dayon**
Huh?
**[07:13] Dayon**
Huh? Dekapan...
**[07:16] Dayon**
Dekapan's gone...
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Playing in the Snow"
**[07:30] Chibita**
What the heck?
**[07:32] Chibita**
Hey, what are you guys making? An igloo?
**[07:39] Chibi**
How stupid.
**[07:41] Chibi**
You're adults now. Quit playing
in the snow, you idjits.
**[07:54] Jyu**
We did it!
**[07:57] Oso**
Yay!
**[07:58] Jyu**
Yay!
**[08:01] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits!
**[08:02] Chibi**
Damn it!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Playing in the Snow 2"
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Kasa Jizou Statues"
**[08:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:43] Iyami**
Me doesn't want to be poor!
**[08:45] Iyami**
Me wants to eat mochi, drink alcohol,
and be extravagant on New Year's Eve!
**[08:49] Iyami**
Me is so sick of being poor!
**[08:52] Hata**
Now, dear, don't worry, jo.
**[08:55] Hata**
I made all of these straw
hats this year, jo.
**[08:58] Hata**
I'll sell them in town and make lots of money
so we can have a fun New Year's, jo.
**[09:05] Hata**
Jo.
**[09:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[09:08] Hata**
Jo!
**[09:11] Iyami**
Hurry up and go sell them!
**[09:19] Hata**
Jo?
**[09:22] Hata**
Jizou statues, jo! Thank you for all your
hard work, even in this cold weather, jo.
**[09:26] Hata**
Namu.
**[09:39] Hata**
Jo?
**[09:44] Hata**
Jo.
**[09:47] Choro**
Hey, you should leave some
of those straw hats for us.
**[09:49] Oso**
If you leave some for us,
I bet something good will happen.
**[09:52] ichi**
Like we'd repay the debt.
**[09:53] Jyushi**
It'd be a good deed.
**[09:54] Oso**
Okay?
**[09:54] Kara**
Haven't you heard this story before?
**[09:58] Hata**
Jo...
**[10:04] Hata**
Jo.
**[10:14] Hata**
I did it, jo! Now the wife and I
can have a fun New Year's, jo.
**[10:19] Hata**
Jo?
**[10:21] Kara**
That looks good. I'm starving.
**[10:24] Choro**
I want some alcohol, too.
**[10:26] Oso**
If you leave some for us,
I bet something good will happen.
**[10:28] Ichi**
Like we'd repay the debt.
**[10:29] Jyushi**
It'll be a good deed.
**[10:30] Choro**
Yup.
**[10:31] Oso**
Okay?
**[10:32] Oso**
Jo...
**[10:32] Kara**
You left us those straw hats,
so you can do this too, right?
**[10:36] Hata**
Jo.
**[10:44] Hata**
Jo!
**[10:45] Hata**
Jo!
**[10:48] Hata**
Jo? Jo, jo, jo...
**[10:50] Hata**
Jo!
**[10:57] Ichi**
How naïve. You know Jizou statues
can read your thoughts, right?
**[11:02] Oso**
Why don't you leave all that behind?
**[11:03] Jyu**
While we're still asking nicely.
**[11:05] Choro**
Well?
**[11:07] Hata**
Jo!
**[11:14] Kara**
It's no use running!
**[11:16] Jyushi**
Jizou statues can read your mind!
**[11:17] Hata**
Jo!
**[11:19] Hata**
Jo...
**[11:24] Hata**
Jo?!
**[11:32] Hata**
Dear!
**[11:33] Hata**
Jo!
**[11:41] Hata**
I-I did something I shouldn't have, jo.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "New Year's Cards"
**[12:07] Choro**
Hey, come on, you guys.
**[12:10] Choro**
Write your New Year's cards.
**[12:12] Choro**
I'm telling you to write
your New Year's cards! Hey!
**[12:14] Choro**
I didn't say draw a penis.
Write your New Year's cards.
**[12:17] Choro**
Don't draw Cerberus just because
it's the Year of the Dog.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** To Matsuno Karamatsu-sama
**[12:19] Choro**
Don't send yourself a New Year's card.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Congrats
**[12:23] Choro**
What's the recipient
supposed to do with that?
**[12:25] Choro**
Just write your damn New Year's cards!
**[12:28] Choro**
Honestly, you guys are hopeless.
**[12:31] Choro**
How can you be proper adults if you
can't even write New Year's cards?
**[12:35] Choro**
Hey!
**[12:37] Oso**
What?! What is this?!
***SIGN*** Matsuno
***SIGN*** Have a great year!!
***SIGN*** Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!!
**[12:40] Oso**
"Happy New Year. I was thankfully
able to find a job!"
**[12:45] Oso**
Huh?!
**[12:46] Jyushi**
Hey! You're lying on your New Year's card!
**[12:49] Ichi**
Don't exaggerate on your
New Year's card, Choromatsu.
**[12:51] Kara**
Don't exaggerate, Choromatsu!
**[12:58] All**
Huh?
**[13:02] All**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
***SIGN*** Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!!
**[13:04] All**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[13:05] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[13:06] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[13:11] Ichi**
No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[13:15] Jyushi**
Wait!
**[13:16] Oso**
Seriously, you shouldn't send those!
**[13:18] Oso**
You'll get called out in no time,
and you'll end up in Hell!
**[13:21] Kara**
It's way too risky! Okay?
**[13:34] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[13:35] Kara**
Choromatsu!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** A certain day in December
**[13:44] Choro**
*A certain day in December...*
**[13:47] Choro**
*A single man stood on the river bank.*
**[13:47] Sign**
Narration:
Matsuno Choromatsu
**[13:51] Choro**
*Matsuno Todomatsu.*
***SIGN*** Former youngest
Matsuno Family sextuplet
Matsuno Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Yearly salary:
0 yen (estimate)
**[13:52] Choro**
*Former youngest Matsuno Family sextuplet.*
**[13:55] Choro**
*Just a few days ago,
he was told he was fired.*
**[14:00] Choro**
* His hoodie had no color, and there*
* was nothing written or drawn on it.*
**[14:06] Choro**
*What in the world could've happened to him?*
**[14:09] Choro**
* Why did the Matsuno Family relieve*
* him of being a sextuplet?*
**[14:12] Choro**
*And what does the future hold for him?*
**[14:16] Choro**
*We went to find out the whole story.*
***SIGN*** Discharge Notice 2017 -The Youngest Brother Who Got Fired-
**[14:23] Sign**
Why Right Before
The 2nd Cour...
**[14:24] Choro**
* Matsuno Todomatsu joined the Matsuno*
* Family as the youngest sextuplet.*
**[14:29] Choro**
*He was sixth in the drafts.*
**[14:31] Choro**
* With his cleverness, calculating ways,*
* and his dry sense of humor,*
**[14:35] Choro**
* this trueborn youngest brother's*
* shittiness far exceeded the others'.*
**[14:38] Choro**
*People expected great things from him.*
**[14:41] Todo**
I'm the youngest brother, Matsuno Todomatsu!
**[14:43] Todo**
I love all of my big brothers!
**[14:46] Todo**
I love all of you guys, too!
**[14:49] Todo**
* When he first debuted, he showed a steady*
* annoyingness and did a great job.*
**[14:54] Choro**
*His retorts were genius.*
**[14:56] Todo**
Why would you wear those here?
It's embarrassing!
**[14:59] Todo**
So embarrassing!
**[15:00] Todo**
Why?!
**[15:01] Todo**
I'm embarrassed by you guys.
**[15:03] Todo**
What is this, a service area?!
**[15:06] Todo**
Not to mention, that was a bit
rude toward the Dayons, too.
**[15:09] Todo**
Don't touch me. I'll do it.
**[15:10] Todo**
Close, close, close, way too close!
**[15:12] Todo**
Get your act together, Osomatsu!
**[15:14] Todo**
Osomatsu!
**[15:16] Choro**
*However, lately...*
**[15:18] Choro**
* Despite the fact that his number one*
* characteristic as a Matsuno Family*
**[15:22] Choro**
*sextuplet should be that he's a NEET virgin,*
**[15:23] Choro**
* his unfavorable actions were*
* starting to come to light.*
**[15:27] Choro**
* On a summer beach,*
* he was casually flirting with girls,*
**[15:31] Choro**
* and asked them for their contact*
* info without any hesitation.*
**[15:34] Choro**
* He also attended mixers*
* through unknown connections,*
**[15:37] Choro**
*gained high-level skills for talking to girls*
**[15:39] Choro**
*normally, even at close distance,*
**[15:41] Choro**
* and to top it all off, he was*
* going on dates with girls.*
**[15:45] Choro**
*Could he possibly be called a virgin?*
***SIGN*** Dry monster
***SIGN*** The Todomatsu problem What does he offer as a sextuplet? He's way too out of character He's lying
**[15:47] Choro**
*Is he actually a Matsuno sextuplet?*
**[15:48] Choro**
*No, isn't he just a popular guy?*
**[15:52] Choro**
*The decision from above came quickly.*
**[15:57] Mom**
You're being written out of the show next year.
**[15:59] Todo**
Huh?
**[16:00] Choro**
*He received his discharge notice.*
**[16:07] Choro**
*He became a freelance youngest brother.*
***SIGN*** How do you feel about
going freelance?
**[16:12] Choro**
*We asked him how he felt at the time.*
**[16:15] Todo**
Well, I have no idea what's going on.
**[16:18] Todo**
Is this really happening to me?
**[16:21] Todo**
But looking back, I do feel like I
haven't contributed much this season.
**[16:28] Todo**
All I really did was scrub my ass.
**[16:31] Todo**
I can't let things end like this.
**[16:33] Todo**
I believe I can still be
the youngest sibling.
**[16:36] Todo**
I mean, I'm pretty much the key for all
of us to graduate from being virgins.
**[16:41] Todo**
I'll just have to do this.
**[16:42] Choro**
* Matsuno Todomatsu was hoping to be*
* reinstated as an active brother.*
**[16:46] Choro**
* However, the Matsuno Family*
* had already filled his place*
**[16:50] Choro**
* with the helper foreigner*
* youngest brother, Michaelmatsu.*
***SIGN*** Helper foreigner
youngest brother
Michaelmatsu
**[16:54] Choro**
* This foreign helper youngest brother,*
* Michael, did great work in the major leagues.*
**[16:59] Choro**
*He had plenty of experience.*
**[17:03] Maiko**
Oh, come on, Osomatsu-niisan! What the heck?
**[17:08] Choro**
Your retorts are super strong, Michaelmatsu.
**[17:10] Jyushi**
Your retorts are so natural.
**[17:12] Kara**
You're definitely from the
major leagues, Mighty.
**[17:20] Oso**
It's huge!
**[17:20] Kara**
You're definitely from the
major leagues, Mighty!
**[17:26] Bros**
Mighty! Mighty!
***SIGN*** Michaelmatsu
***SIGN*** The helper youngest brother does great work!!
**[17:32] Choro**
* And so, Matsuno Todomatsu had*
* to wager on his last chance.*
**[17:36] Choro**
*He started training at the Matsuno Family*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family secondary team training grounds
**[17:38] Choro**
*secondary team training grounds.*
**[17:47] Choro**
*And then...*
**[17:50] Todo**
Hey! Guys!
**[17:53] Todo**
What the heck is up with this discharge
notice? I don't get it at all.
**[17:59] Todo**
I mean, we were doing fine
together up until last week.
**[18:02] Todo**
We were all getting along, right?
What the heck happened?
**[18:06] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait!
**[18:07] Todo**
Hey! Hey!
**[18:08] Todo**
Why are you ignoring me?
**[18:09] Ichi**
Sorry. We don't know you anymore.
**[18:12] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:13] Jyushi**
We live in totally different worlds now.
**[18:16] Choro**
I mean, you've already graduated
from being a virgin, right?
**[18:19] Todo**
No, I haven't.
**[18:21] Oso**
You're casually screwing
all the time, aren't you?
**[18:23] Todo**
I'm not.
**[18:23] Kara**
Plus you're one of those party people.
**[18:24] Todo**
Wait, who is?
**[18:25] Oso**
Just be honest.
**[18:26] Oso**
You've kissed someone, haven't you?
**[18:27] Todo**
I haven't.
**[18:28] Oso**
Then what about holding hands?
**[18:33] Oso**
He totally shut up!
**[18:34] Kara**
Jesus!
**[18:35] Jyushi**
Discharge! Discharge!
**[18:36] Choro**
Moron!
**[18:38] Choro**
* Thus, as he was told off by his brothers,*
* Matsuno Todomatsu knew he was*
**[18:43] Choro**
*in the wrong and completely shut up.*
**[18:45] Choro**
* Everything his brothers had*
* said was in the right!*
**[18:48] Choro**
*Hear that, you dumbass?!*
***SIGN*** Day of the Tryouts
**[18:50] Choro**
*And then the fateful day arrived...*
***SIGN*** 2018
Joint Anime
Tryouts
**[18:53] Choro**
* Characters who had been*
* discharged from various anime*
**[18:56] Choro**
* gathered at the Joint Anime*
* Tryouts for the chance at*
**[18:58] Choro**
*being chosen for a regular show next season.*
**[19:01] Choro**
* They would show off their abilities*
* in front of industry professionals*
**[19:05] Choro**
* for this final chance at*
* getting into an anime.*
**[19:09] Choro**
*However...*
**[19:14] Ump**
Strike!
**[19:15] Choro**
*Matsuno Todomatsu wasn't hitting.*
**[19:18] Ump**
Strike!
**[19:19] Choro**
*He wouldn't hit.*
**[19:20] Ump**
Strike three, you're out!
**[19:22] Choro**
*He had zero intention of hitting the ball.*
**[19:25] Choro**
* And then, on his final turn at bat,*
* an incident occurred...*
**[19:42] Ump**
Wh-What are you doing?
**[19:44] Todo**
Shut up, dumbass!
**[19:46] Todo**
What do you mean, discharge notice?!
**[19:48] Todo**
Why am I playing baseball?!
**[19:50] Todo**
What the hell have you guys been
making me do all this time?!
**[19:53] Choro**
* Then all hell broke loose at the tryouts,*
* like no one had ever seen before.*
**[20:02] Oso**
C-Calm down!
**[20:04] ---**
Todoma—
**[20:05] Jyushi**
Totty, wai— Boeh!
**[20:11] Kara**
Once he snaps, he's the most dangerous.
**[20:13] Kara**
You know, the type that's usually calm,
but gets stubborn when they get mad.
**[20:18] Kara**
They're so scary.
**[20:27] Choro**
* Those who passed the tryouts would*
* be getting a call within the week.*
**[20:33] Choro**
* But since he caused a huge fight,*
* of course he didn't hear from them.*
**[20:37] Choro**
*Just when he had given up all hope...*
***SIGN*** Unknown
**[20:43] Todo**
H-Hello? This is Matsuno Todomatsu...
**[20:47] Todo**
Huh?
**[20:49] Choro**
* The one who gave him the*
* offer was an anime program*
**[20:51] Choro**
* who belonged to the major*
* league-affiliated 2A.*
**[20:57] Todo**
I'll become the greatest youngest
brother and come back.
**[21:00] Todo**
I'll have all kinds of mixers in America,
immediately graduate from being a virgin,
**[21:05] Todo**
and then kill them.
**[21:08] Choro**
* Matsuno Todomatsu... His second life*
* being the youngest brother...*
**[21:12] Todo**
I'll kill them.
**[21:13] Choro**
*...was just beginning.*
**[22:49] Oso**
What? Seriously?
**[22:51] Oso**
The foreign helper youngest brother
Michaelmatsu went back to Florida?
**[22:55] Choro**
Why'd he go back?
**[22:57] Dad**
Apparently he just couldn't
stomach Japanese food.
**[23:00] Mom**
Also, it seems he got a message from God.
**[23:03] Choro**
What the hell kind of reason is that?
**[23:05] Kara**
This is the problem with foreign helpers.
**[23:08] Ichi**
Who scouted him, anyway?
**[23:10] Dad**
Which means Todomatsu is coming back.
**[23:14] Ichi**
Well, I guess that's for the best.
**[23:17] Jyushi**
Yeah, that'd be the most peaceful option.
**[23:24] Totty**
Hey!
**[23:27] All**
Totty!
**[23:28] Totty**
I'm killing all of you!
**[23:31] Totty**
You guys are finished this year!
**[23:34] All**
Totty!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Choro**
This is Choromatsu.
**[23:40] Choro**
Next year, I'll finally get a job,
get a girlfriend, and even get married!
**[23:45] Choro**
No, really. I'm not lying.
**[23:48] Choro**
I'm telling the truth here.
***SIGN*** "The Choromatsu Incident" etc.
**[23:49] Choro**
I'm not lying! I can do this!
**[23:51] Choro**
I'm going to! I want to!
# E14 - The Choromatsu Incident
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRQ41KQ1Y/the-choromatsu-incident)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:09] Girl**
No! Let go of me!
**[00:11] Popo**
Come with me.
**[00:12] Girl**
Don't touch me! Let go!
**[00:14] Popo**
You're a minor.
**[00:16] Popo**
Honestly, what are you thinking
on Coming-of-Age Day?
**[00:18] Popo2**
You, there.
**[00:20] Popo2**
I need you to come with us, too.
**[00:22] Popo2**
You knew she was a minor, didn't you?
**[00:24] Sane**
Huh? Uh, well, she said she
didn't have anywhere to go...
**[00:30] Popo2**
Could you tell me your name?
**[00:32] Sane**
Huh? U-Uh...
**[00:35] Popo2**
Tell me your name!
**[00:38] Sane**
I-It's... Sanematsu.
***SIGN***
Weekly Drama Serial
Sanematsu-san
***SIGN*** Episode 9
**[01:28] mom**
*Hello, this is your mother.*
***SIGN*** [Playing]
***SIGN*** Mom
**[01:31] Mom**
*How are you doing lately? I've been worried.*
**[01:35] Mom**
*Please give me a call.*
**[01:39] Boss**
Sanematsu-kun, listen.
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Commercial Agency
**[01:42] Boss**
As I always tell you, I'm not
asking you to actually be useful.
**[01:45] Boss**
But could you not hold everyone else back?
**[01:50] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san, why do you put up this wall?
***SIGN*** No smoking in the office
**[01:55] Kaoru**
I just want to talk to you honestly.
**[01:57] Guy**
Don't you know, Kaoruko-chan?
**[01:59] Guy**
Sanematsu-senpai is only interested
in innocent little girls.
**[02:03] Guy**
Right, Senpai?
**[02:11] Guy 1**
All right, lunch time!
**[02:13] Guy 2**
Where should we go today?
**[02:14] Kaoru**
So you do get hungry.
**[02:39] Oso**
Sanematsu.
**[02:42] Oso**
Sanematsu, hey.
**[02:52] Sane**
Huh?
**[02:54] Oso**
What's wrong? Still dreaming?
**[02:58] Sane**
Huh? Um...
**[03:00] Oso**
Come on. Let's eat some watermelon.
**[03:03] Oso**
It's so hot today!
**[03:04] Ichi**
Yeah, just a little more to the left.
**[03:06] Ichi**
Now a little right.
**[03:08] Jyushi**
Right, right!
**[03:10] Jyu**
Oh, right there!
**[03:11] Kara**
All right... This is it!
**[03:13] All**
So close!
**[03:14] All**
You missed!
**[03:15] Ichi**
All right, time to switch, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[03:18] Kara**
No, no! I get one more!
**[03:19] Choro**
I'm up next.
**[03:21] Jyu**
Me, too!
**[03:21] Todo**
It's me!
**[03:22] Oso**
Hey, stop fighting, you guys!
**[03:25] Oso**
Ichimatsu hasn't gotten a chance yet.
**[03:27] Oso**
Let him try.
**[03:28] Kara**
Tch. Fine, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[03:31] Kara**
Sorry, Ichimatsu.
**[03:33] Ichi**
Thanks.
**[03:37] Six**
Yay!
**[03:39] Todo**
You did it, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[03:41] Oso**
All right, let's eat!
**[03:42] Jyu**
Let's eat! Let's eat!
**[03:45] Six**
So good!
**[03:46] Six**
This is the best!
**[03:47] Six**
It's so good!
**[03:50] Todo**
What's the matter, Sanematsu-niisan?
You're not going to eat?
**[03:52] Sane**
Huh?
**[03:54] Choro**
If you don't want it, I'll eat it.
**[03:56] Oso**
Come on, Choromatsu.
**[03:58] Choro**
Aw, come on.
**[03:59] Sane**
*At first, I had no idea what was going on.*
**[03:59] Jyu**
I want some, too.
**[04:01] Oso**
Honestly, you guys.
**[04:08] Oso**
Here we go!
**[04:09] Oso**
Ready, and...
**[04:20] Sane**
*But as time went on...*
**[04:23] Sane**
*I stopped doubting it anymore.*
**[04:27] Sane**
* I was born in this family,*
* grew up in this family,*
**[04:33] Sane**
* and always lived together*
* with these brothers.*
**[04:39] Sane**
*Yeah... That's right.*
**[04:43] Sane**
*Why had I forgotten?*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bathhouse
**[04:47] Sane**
* I might've just been having*
* a nightmare this whole time.*
**[04:56] Sane**
*But everything's okay now.*
***SIGN*** A Few Weeks Later
**[05:14] Sane**
Hey, guys.
**[05:17] Sane**
I came up with a great idea!
**[05:21] Sane**
Wh-What's wrong?
**[05:22] Todo**
Huh? Uh, so what's up, Sanematsu-niisan?
**[05:26] Sane**
Why don't we go on a trip?
All of us, for a week or so?
**[05:32] Jyu**
That'll never work.
**[05:33] Sane**
Huh? But I wanna.
**[05:35] Jyu**
Even if we wanted to,
we don't have the time or money.
**[05:38] Choro**
Jyushimatsu.
**[05:42] Choro**
All right, Sanematsu.
Why don't we go to the beach?
**[05:45] Sane**
Yeah, let's go!
**[05:47] Sane**
What about you, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[05:49] Oso**
Let's go.
**[05:50] Sane**
And you, Karamatsu-niisan?
**[05:51] Kara**
Sure, let's go.
**[05:52] Sane**
And you, Ichimatsu?
**[05:53] Ichi**
Okay.
**[05:54] Sane**
Jyushimatsu?
**[05:55] Jyu**
Well, I guess...
**[05:57] Sane**
Todomatsu?
**[05:58] Todo**
Yeah, sure.
**[05:59] Sane**
All right! We're all going to the beach!
**[06:02] Sane**
I'm gonna go get ready!
**[06:14] Sane**
Wait up!
**[06:16] Oso**
Here we go!
**[06:18] Sane**
Got it!
**[06:22] Some**
What the heck?
**[06:24] Both**
Ready... go!
**[06:30] Both**
Goal!
**[06:32] Sane**
We tied.
**[06:33] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[06:57] Sane**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[06:58] Oso**
Oh, there you are.
**[07:00] Sane**
What's up?
**[07:02] Oso**
Have a seat.
**[07:04] Sane**
Okay.
**[07:08] Oso**
Hey, Sanematsu.
**[07:11] Oso**
You've been laughing a lot more lately.
**[07:15] Oso**
I'm relieved.
**[07:17] Oso**
You know, you seemed so depressed because
you've been through so much lately.
**[07:22] Sane**
Yeah...
**[07:26] Sane**
But I'm okay now.
I'm having so much fun now.
**[07:30] Sane**
I have all of you guys. No more hardships.
**[07:34] Sane**
I hope this goes on forever.
**[07:40] Oso**
But... it can't.
**[07:43] Sane**
Huh?
**[07:45] Sane**
It can't? What do you mean?
**[07:48] Oso**
Don't make me say it.
**[07:52] Oso**
You should know better than anyone else.
**[08:01] Sane**
Yeah... You're right.
**[08:08] Sane**
This was so much fun!
**[08:09] Oso**
Yeah, it was.
**[08:24] Sane**
It was.
**[08:28] Oso**
Yeah.
**[08:38] Guy**
Hey...
**[08:43] Kaoru**
It can't be...
**[08:45] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[08:49] Kaoru**
No!
***SIGN***
End
***SIGN*** General Hospital
***SIGN*** Next Episode Preview
**[08:59] nar**
Next time on "Sanematsu-san"...
**[09:04] nar**
Osomatsu examines, Karamatsu touches,
and Jyushimatsu makes the rounds.
**[09:11] Nar**
Next time: "Sanematsu Dies." Look forward to it.
***SIGN***
Episode 10: Sanematsu Dies
**[09:18] Nar**
* Unidentified mysterious animals,*
* otherwise known as UMA.*
**[09:21] Nar**
* The mysterious world of the occult*
* is filled with passion and dreams.*
**[09:26] Nar**
* This is the passionate tale*
* of adventure of the men*
**[09:29] Nar**
*who were enchanted by its mysticism!*
**[09:32] Iyami**
Iyami...
**[09:33] Hata**
Hatabou...
**[09:34] Jyu**
And Jyushimatsu's...
**[09:36] All**
...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah!
***SIGN*** UMA Expedition Team
**[09:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[09:44] Iyami**
You two!
**[09:45] Iyami**
You cannot underestimate the UMA!
**[09:48] Iyami**
They're dangerous and scary!
**[09:50] Iyami**
Let your guard down at all
and U-MAy lose your lives!
**[09:56] Hata**
For my father...
**[09:56] Jyu**
Yay!
**[09:58] Iyami**
Hey! Listen to me!
**[10:01] Iyami**
Fall in!
**[10:06] Iyami**
Listen up! Our target this time is this UMA!
**[10:10] Iyami**
The Super Mongolian Death Worm!
**[10:13] Jyu**
Ah.
**[10:14] Hata**
Jo.
**[10:15] Iyami**
It's huge! It's strong!
**[10:17] Iyami**
Face it head-on, and no number of
lives will be enough to save you!
**[10:20] Iyami**
It's truly terrifying!
**[10:22] Iyami**
We're going to...
**[10:23] Hata**
Want a wiener?
**[10:25] Jyu**
Heck yeah!
**[10:27] Iyami**
Hey! Fall in!
**[10:35] Jyu**
Director, you got a minute?
**[10:39] Iyami**
Me is not your director. Me is your captain.
**[10:41] Jyu**
How are we going to catch
this dangerous thing?
**[10:45] Iyami**
We're going to use these!
**[10:47] Jyu**
Wow!
**[10:48] Hata**
Jo!
**[10:51] Iyami**
No matter how dangerous UMAs are,
they're no match for humanity.
**[10:58] Hata**
Jo.
**[11:00] Iyami**
Hey!
**[11:11] Hata**
This could kill someone, jo.
**[11:13] Jyu**
Pew.
**[11:13] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo.
**[11:16] Iyami**
What's that?
**[11:22] Hata**
Jo?
**[11:23] Iyami**
Th-That's...
**[11:31] Iyami**
Th-The Super Mongolian Death Worm!
**[11:35] Jyu**
D-Director!
**[11:37] Jo**
Jo!
**[11:38] Iyami**
Have no fear!
**[11:39] Iyami**
We're safe at this distance.
**[11:42] Iyami**
Behold, UMA! This is the power of humanity!
**[11:51] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[11:52] Jyu**
What is this attack?
**[11:53] Hata**
We didn't hear about this!
**[11:55] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sheeeh...
***SIGN***
To Be Continued
***SIGN***
"The Choromatsu Incident"
***SIGN*** New Year Combo
**[13:35] Choro**
Well, I can imagine what
you guys want to say.
**[13:39] Choro**
I'm the most responsible
and capable of us brothers.
**[13:42] Choro**
I'm supposed to set the example.
**[13:44] Choro**
You're probably wondering what
happened since the new year.
**[13:48] Choro**
You might even worry and think
I've become a delinquent.
**[13:52] Choro**
But no matter how serious
I am, I'm still human.
**[13:56] Choro**
Even I have the desire to
be popular and be cool.
**[14:01] Choro**
So, for once, I followed my desire
and decided to look cool.
**[14:06] Choro**
It's the new year, so I thought it'd
be the perfect time to make my debut.
**[14:10] Choro**
This is your new Choromatsu-niisan in 2018!
**[14:16] Choro**
What's wrong? What's with those faces?
**[14:19] Choro**
Oh, are you guys actually jealous?
**[14:22] Choro**
I see. Sorry about that.
**[14:24] Choro**
I went ahead and became the cool one.
**[14:26] Choro**
Yeah, it's not fair for me to get
ahead of you guys. My bad.
**[14:32] Choro**
Hey, you guys haven't said a word.
**[14:35] Choro**
What's wrong?
**[14:36] Choro**
Well, whatever. As I was saying...
**[14:38] Choro**
I just don't want you guys to worry.
**[14:40] Choro**
I may have brown hair now, but I'm
still the same Choromatsu inside.
**[14:44] Choro**
I'm not a delinquent.
**[14:45] Choro**
I'm going to continue being the responsible,
reliable brother that guides you.
**[14:49] Choro**
Don't worry.
**[14:50] Choro**
That's why I had the three
of you gather here today.
**[14:54] Choro**
Well, let's go.
**[14:55] Todo**
W-W-Wait! Wait!
**[14:56] Choro**
Huh? What?
**[14:58] Todo**
Sit down.
**[15:01] Choro**
What? What's wrong?
**[15:03] Todo**
Well, uh...
**[15:06] Choro**
I told you not to worry.
**[15:09] Choro**
I just have brown hair now.
I'm still the same guy inside.
**[15:12] Choro**
I'm not a delinquent.
**[15:13] Ichi**
Yeah, don't worry. We got that.
**[15:17] Ichi**
That's not it...
**[15:18] Choro**
It's not?
**[15:20] Todo**
It's not that...
**[15:22] Todo**
*It's just...*
**[15:23] Ichi**
*...simply put...*
**[15:24] Jyushi**
*...that hair color...*
**[15:26] Three**
*...doesn't look good on you at all!*
**[15:29] Todo**
*What the hell?! Is he stupid?!*
**[15:31] Todo**
* Nothing hurts more than seeing*
* someone so clueless try to be cool!*
**[15:34] Ichi**
*Well said, Todomatsu.*
**[15:35] Ichi**
* Now say those exact words*
* to that idiot over there.*
**[15:37] Todo**
*How can I? Look at that face!*
**[15:40] Todo**
*He doesn't think he's made a mistake at all!*
**[15:42] Todo**
* He still thinks dying your hair*
* makes you cool in this day and age!*
**[15:45] Todo**
*What kind of harassment is this?!*
**[15:46] Todo**
*Lame harassment? Pain harassment?! What?!*
**[15:49] Jyu**
*Want me to tell him, then?*
**[15:51] Ichi**
*Stay out of it, Jyushimatsu.*
**[15:52] Ichi**
*You're just going to complicate things.*
**[15:55] Jyu**
*True.*
**[15:57] Choro**
Hey.
**[15:59] Choro**
If you have something to say to me, say it.
**[16:00] Choro**
That's why I brought you here.
**[16:05] Todo**
Okay, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[16:08] Todo**
I'll go ahead and say it.
**[16:11] Todo**
So... To be honest,
that brown hair of yours...
**[16:14] Ichi**
Hold it, Todomatsu!
**[16:17] Ichi**
Could I...
**[16:19] Ichi**
go get a refill at the drink bar first?
**[16:21] Jyu**
Same.
**[16:22] Todo**
No.
**[16:24] Jyu**
We can't? But it's free refills...
**[16:27] Todo**
No. I'm going to tell him,
so you two stay right there.
**[16:35] Todo**
Okay!
**[16:36] Todo**
I'm going to get a refill first.
**[16:40] Jyu**
What? Are you serious, Totty?
**[16:43] Todo**
Yeah, I'm going to tell him.
**[16:44] Ichi**
Will you be all right?
**[16:45] Todo**
What do you mean?
**[16:46] Ichi**
Well, you saw it. His "I won't
let anyone get me down" aura.
**[16:51] Ichi**
Him telling us we can tell him
anything is a total façade.
**[16:54] Ichi**
If we trigger him,
he might start punching us.
**[16:57] Todo**
Well, I'm going to tell him.
**[16:59] Todo**
I mean, come on. I don't want
Choromatsu-niisan to go down the wrong path.
**[17:04] Todo**
I don't care if he punches me,
if it means he'll change that lame hair of his.
**[17:08] Jyu**
He's so nice.
**[17:10] Ichi**
So kind.
**[17:13] Todo**
Okay, Choromatsu-niisan. I'm going to
get back on the subject, so listen up.
**[17:17] Todo**
Apparently Ichimatsu-niisan has something
to say about you dyeing your hair,
**[17:21] Todo**
so listen close.
**[17:23] Ichi**
You dirty little—
**[17:26] Ichi**
*Uh... What's with that face?*
**[17:28] Ichi**
*What kind of emotion is that?*
**[17:30] Choro**
What is it, Ichimatsu?
**[17:32] Choro**
What did you want to say?
**[17:33] Ichi**
Huh? Well, uh...
**[17:36] Ichi**
I-It's not really something I *want* to say...
**[17:42] Ichi**
U-Um... About your hair...
**[17:51] Ichi**
It looks great on you! Nice!
**[17:54] Choro**
Thanks!
**[17:57] Todo**
The hell?! You're so useless, Darkmatsu!
**[17:59] Jyu**
He's not dark at all! He's just a coward!
**[18:01] Ichi**
Then you guys tell him!
**[18:03] Choro**
Huh? What's wrong?
**[18:05] Choro**
Wh-Why are you hitting each other?
**[18:07] Todo**
* Okay, let's hold off on*
* this problem for now.*
**[18:11] Jyu**
*Yeah.*
**[18:12] Ichi**
* Why don't we write a letter?*
* I don't think we can tell him to his face.*
**[18:15] All**
*Yeah.*
**[18:17] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:18] Oso**
Oh, you guys are here.
**[18:20] Choro**
Oh, hey, guys. What a coincidence.
**[18:23] Oso**
What the?! What the heck
did you do to your hair?
**[18:25] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:26] Oso**
It looks awful on you! Are you stupid?
**[18:28] Oso**
You look like shit! What's wrong with you?
**[18:31] Jyu**
*He just said it.*
**[18:32] Ichi**
*He's completely tactless!*
**[18:34] Todo**
*He hasn't changed at all in the new year!*
**[18:38] Oso**
Seriously, what's with this hair?
It looks so stupid!
**[18:42] Kara**
No, this can't be right, Osomatsu.
**[18:44] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:45] Kara**
There's no way he did that on his own.
He must've lost some bet or something.
**[18:49] Oso**
Lost a bet?
**[18:51] Kara**
I'm right, aren't I? You guys put
Choromatsu up to this, didn't you?
**[18:54] Three**
Huh?
**[18:55] Kara**
Otherwise, why would he willingly
do that to his hair?
**[18:58] Kara**
There's no way someone as responsible as
**[19:00] Kara**
Choromatsu would dye his hair such a lame,
shitty brown color on his own.
**[19:03] Kara**
If he did this of his own free will,
he's clearly lost his mind.
**[19:07] Kara**
He'd barely be a living organism.
**[19:10] Kara**
But Choromatsu's not like that.
**[19:13] Kara**
Hey, you guys! You've gone too far!
**[19:14] Kara**
You need to apologize to Choromatsu for
making him get this crazy hair color!
**[19:18] Three**
**You *need to apologize!*
**[19:20] Todo**
* In the end, you're the*
* one who hurt him most!*
**[19:22] Ichi**
* It's even worse because*
* he's trying to be nice!*
**[19:26] Todo**
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
**[19:28] Oso**
Totoko-chan, look at his hair!
**[19:31] Toto**
Huh? What's with your hair?
**[19:33] Toto**
You look so lame, Choromatsu-kun!
**[19:35] Toto**
I can totally tell you tried to look
cool simply by dying your hair brown!
**[19:39] Toto**
How scary!
**[19:40] Oso**
That's not it, Totoko-chan.
Apparently these three put him up to it.
**[19:45] Oso**
Isn't that mean?
**[19:46] Toto**
Huh? Yeah, that's pretty awful.
**[19:48] Toto**
I'd probably die if it were me.
**[19:51] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun, are you okay?
**[19:55] Todo**
*Please, just stop!*
**[19:57] Ichi**
*Fappymatsu's life is already at zero!*
**[19:59] Jyu**
*Nii-san!*
**[20:02] All**
*Huh?*
**[20:03] Choro**
You're right, Osomatsu-niisan,
Karamatsu-niisan, Totoko-chan!
**[20:08] Choro**
They're so mean! They made
me dye my hair like this!
**[20:12] All**
*What?!*
**[20:13] Todo**
*He shifted the blame!*
**[20:14] Jyu**
*Seriously?!*
**[20:15] Ichi**
* Self-Awarenessmatsu's defense*
* mechanisms are insane!*
**[20:18] Choro**
They totally forced me to dye
my hair this lame color!
**[20:21] Choro**
It doesn't look good on me at all...
**[20:24] Choro**
So lame! I look awful!
**[20:27] Kara**
Are you all right, Choromatsu?
**[20:29] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun?
**[20:30] Oso**
Are you in that much shock?
**[20:32] Choro**
Of course I'm shocked, you dumbass!
**[20:34] Choro**
I'm gonna die! This hair color is so weird!
**[20:36] Choro**
I'm gonna die! It's so damn lame!
**[20:38] Choro**
Why is my year starting like this?!
I'm gonna die!
**[20:40] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[20:42] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun!
**[20:43] Oso**
Hey, Choromatsu!
**[20:48] Oso**
Hey, do you guys actually
realize what you've done?
**[20:52] Oso**
Look at him! Choromatsu's completely broken.
**[20:55] Choro**
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
**[20:58] Kara**
He won't stop mumbling.
**[20:58] Choro**
I might be better off dead...
**[21:01] Kara**
He might die at this rate.
**[21:03] Oso**
Come on, guys, apologize.
**[21:06] Oso**
You guys did this to him, right? Go on.
**[21:12] Todo**
S-Sorry...
**[21:14] Ichi**
Sorry.
**[21:15] Todo**
We went a bit too far.
**[21:18] Ichi**
We'll never force him to dye his hair again.
**[21:20] Jyu**
We're sorry.
**[21:23] Oso**
All right, let's go to the bathhouse.
**[21:25] Kara**
Jeez. We can't take our eyes off them
for even a second, Osomatsu.
**[21:30] Kara**
Let's continue to guide them
as the two top brothers.
**[21:34] Oso**
Yeah. Pleasure working with you, Karamatsu.
**[21:36] Kara**
Back at you.
**[21:55] Choro**
I'm so sorry!
***SIGN***
End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Oso**
Hey, it's Osomatsu!
**[23:35] Oso**
Next week, it's going to be
"Jar," "Taxi," and "Quiz."
**[23:39] Oso**
Those three!
**[23:40] Oso**
What do you guys think about that lineup?
**[23:43] Oso**
Yeah, pretty stupid, right?
**[23:45] Oso**
I mean, it usually is.
**[23:47] Oso**
Even though the cast are all adults.
***SIGN*** "Jar" "Karamatsu Taxi" "Totty Quiz" etc.
**[23:49] Oso**
I feel bad, too.
# E15 - Jar / Karamatsu Taxi / Totty Quiz
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRE5204N6/jar--karamatsu-taxi--totty-quiz)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:06] Nar**
* Unidentified mysterious animals,*
* otherwise known as UMA.*
**[00:09] Nar**
* The mysterious world of the occult*
* is filled with passion and dreams.*
**[00:13] Nar**
* This is the passionate tale of*
* adventure of the men who were*
**[00:16] Nar**
*enchanted by its mysticism!*
**[00:19] Iyami**
Iyami...
**[00:20] Hata**
Hatabou...
**[00:21] Jyu**
And Jyushimatsu's...
**[00:23] All**
...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah!
***SIGN*** UMA Expedition Team
**[00:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:31] Iyami**
You two!
**[00:32] Iyami**
Listen up! Our target this time is this!
**[00:35] Iyami**
Chupacabra Deluxe!
**[00:37] Hata**
Jo...
**[00:39] Iyami**
It's a vampiric monster that sucks
the blood of living creatures.
**[00:41] Iyami**
If you ever encounter one,
consider yourself dead.
**[00:44] Jyushi**
Director!
**[00:45] Iyami**
Me is not your director. Me is your captain.
**[00:47] Jyu**
How are we going to catch
this dangerous thing?
**[00:51] Iya**
Leave it to me.
**[00:54] Iya**
Sheeeh...
**[00:58] Iya**
Me is truly a genius. Now they won't
be suspicious of us or attack us.
**[01:05] Iya**
Hey.
**[01:11] Iya**
Hey.
**[01:14] Iya**
Hey.
**[01:17] Iya**
Hey.
**[01:26] Iya**
Would you two be quiet?!
**[01:45] Hata**
Jo?
**[01:59] ---**
Jo?
**[02:02] Iya**
Everything's fine.
**[02:06] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[02:07] Jyushi**
Director?!
**[02:08] Hata**
Jo!
**[02:09] Iyami**
C-Calm down! They haven't figured us out!
**[02:12] Iyami**
That's why they haven't attacked!
**[02:14] Hata**
Jo?
**[02:14] Iyami**
Act like a Chupacabra!
**[02:17] Jyu**
Chu...
**[02:18] Hata**
Jo...
**[02:23] All**
Chu...
**[02:33] Jyu**
They were onto us, after all...
**[02:34] Hata**
Chu...
**[02:35] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** "Jar"
***SIGN*** Skyfish
Yakisoba
***SIGN*** Chupacabra
Udon
***SIGN*** Death Worm
Ramen
It's Delicious?!
***SIGN*** Gohandesuyon!
***SIGN*** Open
**[04:46] Ichi**
I'm definitely turning it the right way...
**[04:58] Oso**
Can't get it open, Ichimacchan?
**[05:02] Oso**
Want me to help? You know,
your reliable older brother?
**[05:07] Oso**
Oh, no, no. You're never going
to get it open like that.
**[05:13] Oso**
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
**[05:14] Oso**
What the heck are you doing, Ichimacchan?
**[05:16] Oso**
The worst part of you is showing right now.
**[05:20] Oso**
You can't just use brute strength on these.
***SIGN*** Here
**[05:23] Oso**
You have to apply force here at
the right moment, and go, "Hup!"
***SIGN*** Hup
**[05:27] Oso**
Here I go.
**[05:28] Oso**
First, you relax, and...
**[05:32] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:48] Oso**
What the hell is this?!
**[05:49] Oso**
It won't open!
**[05:53] Oso**
It won't open! It just won't open!
**[06:01] Oso**
It won't open.
**[06:04] Kara**
You pathetic string bean boys. Hand it over.
**[06:08] Kara**
Watch and learn. This is how you open jars.
**[06:25] Kara**
What the hell is this?!
**[06:33] Kara**
See? Now you know.
**[06:37] Kara**
This jar was never meant
to open in the first place.
**[06:41] Jyu**
That's not gonna work.
**[06:44] Jyu**
The jar's figured out that
you want to open it.
**[06:47] Jyu**
Of course it won't open. You have
to be more sneaky about it.
**[06:52] Jyu**
First, you have to act like you
have no interest in the jar.
**[06:55] Jyu**
We don't care about that jar at all.
**[06:58] Jyu**
Act like you don't care
if it ever opens at all.
**[07:05] Jyu**
And when its guard is down...
**[07:10] Kara**
Go, Jyushimatsu!
**[07:11] Oso**
Give it your best!
**[07:12] Ichi**
It'll open!
**[07:13] Oso**
You can do it!
**[07:22] Jyu**
Fire!
**[07:26] Jyu**
Yeah, this one's not meant to open.
**[07:29] Choro**
Why are you guys wasting so much time?
**[07:32] Choro**
Honestly. I can't believe you
adults are screaming over a jar.
**[07:37] Choro**
Don't you guys have anything better to do?
**[07:40] Choro**
Aren't you embarrassed? Really, now.
**[07:49] Oso**
What's with the hand?
**[07:51] Choro**
Give it.
**[07:51] Oso**
I'm sorry, what?
**[07:53] Choro**
Hand over the jar. I'll give it a try.
**[07:57] Oso**
No, really, it's okay.
**[08:00] Oso**
No, no, no.
**[08:02] Oso**
It's fine. What's your problem?
**[08:04] Oso**
What the heck? We're just
wasting time, right?
**[08:06] Oso**
Adults shouldn't be crying over this, right?
**[08:09] Oso**
You wanted to try,
didn't you? Then just say so!
**[08:14] Todo**
Just pour hot water over it.
***SIGN*** M! Answers
**[08:17] Todo**
You just have to heat it up a little.
Then it'll open easily.
**[08:23] Todo**
Huh?
**[08:24] Oso**
Todomatsu, did you really
have to say that right now?
**[08:27] Oso**
Everyone knows you just have to warm it up.
**[08:29] Oso**
But we're all trying so hard because
we feel like we lose if we do that.
**[08:34] Kara**
Oh, Todomatsu.
**[08:36] Ichi**
Todomatsu...
**[08:37] Jyu**
Todomatsu.
**[08:38] Choro**
Todomatsu!
**[08:41] Todo**
What? Uh, I guess I'm sorry?
**[08:45] Oso**
All right, let's work together.
**[08:47] Oso**
We forgot the most important thing here.
**[08:50] Oso**
This is when the six of us are supposed
to join forces and do our best!
**[08:53] Oso**
Let's go!
**[08:54] All**
Yeah!
***SIGN*** Gohandesuyon!
**[09:03] Oso**
Sorry!
**[09:08] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[09:10] Jyu**
Final Fart Rush!
**[09:13] Todo**
There!
**[09:16] Oso**
Totty!
**[09:18] Choro**
How about this?!
**[09:24] Choro**
Guys!
**[09:25] Jyu**
Final Fart Rush!
**[09:45] Oso**
Wh-What the hell's wrong with this jar?
**[09:48] Choro**
It won't open, no matter what we do.
**[09:50] Ichi**
Th-Thanks, guys, but that's enough.
**[10:00] All**
M-Mom...
**[10:07] Mom**
O earth... O water...
**[10:10] Mom**
Give me strength!
**[10:17] Mom**
Jar... open!
**[10:26] Oso**
Wait, that's how you're
supposed to open it?!
**[10:29] Choro**
There's no way we'd know that!
You never taught us that!
**[10:38] Ichi**
Huh? Mom?
**[10:52] Mom**
Yeah, it's not meant to be opened.
**[10:55] All**
What?
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Karamatsu Taxi"
**[11:02] Toto**
This isn't good. I don't have much time.
**[11:05] Toto**
I'll be late to the appointment.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka
**[11:11] Toto**
Oh, thank goodness. I'm saved!
**[11:15] Toto**
Excuse me, could you go to this place
called Oplex that's located on
**[11:19] Toto**
the other side of a tanning
salon in Roppongi 6-chome?
**[11:22] Toto**
It's a little hard to find, so I'll let
you know when we're nearby.
**[11:27] Kara**
Miss.
**[11:39] Toto**
Uh, I don't have much time,
so could you turn around faster?
**[11:45] Toto**
You turn way too slowly!
You're wasting my time!
**[11:49] Kara**
Oplex? Understood.
**[11:52] Toto**
I don't have time!
**[11:53] Kara**
Ignition.
**[12:02] Toto**
Um, by the way,
**[12:05] Toto**
do you actually know what Oplex is?
**[12:08] Toto**
It's not really well known.
**[12:10] Kara**
But of course. I'm a taxi driver.
**[12:15] Toto**
So cool!
**[12:17] Kara**
Ignition.
**[12:19] Toto**
They usually ask for the
address for the navigation.
**[12:23] Kara**
Oh, I won't be using the navigation.
***SIGN*** Safe
***SIGN*** Take a free
**[12:25] Kara**
I'd be a loser if I used it.
**[12:29] Toto**
So cool!
**[12:31] Kara**
Ignition.
**[12:32] Kara**
Oh, here, we'll use a secret path-tion.
**[12:36] Toto**
Amazing! By the way, I'd like to
get there in fifteen minutes.
**[12:41] Kara**
We'll get there in eight-tion.
**[12:44] Toto**
So reliable!
**[12:59] Toto**
Um...
**[13:00] Toto**
Are you lost?
***SIGN*** Vacant
**[13:02] Toto**
Not only has eight minutes passed by,
**[13:04] Toto**
it's been over thirty
minutes, and I'm late now.
**[13:08] Toto**
Hey.
**[13:08] Kara**
Oh, here, we'll use a secret path-tion.
**[13:11] Toto**
That's exactly why you're lost-tion!
**[13:13] Toto**
Stop! Just stop!
**[13:16] Toto**
If you don't know how to get there,
just say so! I'll give you directions!
**[13:21] Kara**
We'll be there in a couple of minutes.
**[13:23] Toto**
Really?
**[13:24] Kara**
Yes. Though a bit of time
loss may be inevitable.
**[13:28] Kara**
I'm a newbie, after all.
**[13:30] Kara**
Right. Let's go.
**[13:31] Toto**
What?! A newbie?!
**[13:33] Kara**
Ignition.
**[13:34] Toto**
No, wait, wait.
**[13:35] Toto**
Wait, you're a newbie?
**[13:38] Kara**
Yes, I just started today.
**[13:40] Toto**
And it's your first day?!
You're like this on your first day?!
**[13:43] Toto**
And somehow you're acting like a veteran?!
And you're wearing those sunglasses?!
**[13:47] Toto**
Don't "?" me! Why are you so chill?!
**[13:49] Toto**
Then there's no way you know where Oplex is.
**[13:53] Kara**
I do.
**[13:54] Toto**
Stop lying.
**[13:55] Kara**
It's a swingers bar, right?
**[13:58] Toto**
It's a café!
**[14:00] Toto**
I wouldn't go to a swingers bar!
**[14:02] Toto**
I'm in a suit, and it's daylight on a weekday!
**[14:03] Toto**
How do I look like I'm
going to a swingers bar?!
**[14:06] Kara**
Well, you see all kinds
when you drive a taxi.
**[14:09] Toto**
But you just started today, didn't you?
Why are you acting like a veteran?
**[14:13] Kara**
Huh?
**[14:14] Toto**
Don't "Huh?" me!
**[14:16] Toto**
That's enough. Could you
just use your navigation?
**[14:19] Kara**
No. I lose if I use this.
**[14:21] Toto**
Shut up, noob.
***SIGN*** Destination
**[14:23] Toto**
6-chome in Roppongi...
**[14:25] Kara**
6-chome in Roppon—
**[14:30] Toto**
6-chome in Roppongi...
**[14:35] Toto**
Roppongi...
**[14:38] Toto**
Roppon—
**[14:42] Car**
Karamatsu go, go, go!
**[14:45] Car**
Karamatsu go!
**[14:48] Toto**
What the hell's wrong with this taxi?
How did it pass inspection?!
**[14:53] Toto**
That's enough. I'm getting out.
**[14:55] Kara**
Huh?!
**[14:55] Toto**
How much do I owe you?
**[14:57] Kara**
I didn't have the meter running!
**[15:00] Toto**
Will this be enough, then?
**[15:02] Toto**
Come on. Open the door.
**[15:03] Kara**
I don't know how to open the door!
**[15:05] Toto**
Then could you just go straight?
I'll give you directions.
**[15:09] Kara**
I'm out of gas!
**[15:11] Toto**
Quit your job right now!
**[15:14] Toto**
I'm sorry! I said too much, noob!
**[15:17] Toto**
Noob!
**[15:22] Toto**
Don't be like that, okay?
**[15:25] Kara**
No... I'm going to quit.
**[15:27] Toto**
But you finally managed
to become a taxi driver.
**[15:30] Kara**
I'm just not cut out for it.
**[15:32] Toto**
That's not your problem.
It's how you're acting.
**[15:35] Toto**
You're trying to be a veteran way too fast.
**[15:38] Toto**
You can act like that after you've
had somewhat of a career.
**[15:43] Kara**
I usually ask my customers
where they'd like to go,
**[15:47] Kara**
but it appears I've lost my own way.
**[15:50] Toto**
Stop saying that, noob. You need
to actually drive a few years first.
**[15:56] Toto**
You usually have to work somewhere
for a while before it gets to be fun.
**[16:02] Toto**
I think it'd be a waste for you to quit now.
**[16:05] Toto**
That's just my opinion, though.
**[16:08] Toto**
I'll give you directions,
so get me to my destination,
**[16:13] Toto**
Mr. Taxi Driver.
**[16:15] Toto**
Ignition.
**[16:36] Kara**
W-We're here. We're here!
***SIGN*** Café Oplex
**[16:42] Car**
Karamatsu go, go, go!
**[16:45] Car**
Karamatsu go!
**[16:49] Kara**
No, no, no, I couldn't.
**[16:51] Kara**
No, no, no, no, really!
**[16:54] Kara**
Miss!
**[16:58] Toto**
Don't ever forget how it
feels to be a beginner.
**[17:00] Toto**
I'll be rooting for you,
Mr. Newbie Taxi Driver.
**[17:03] Kara**
Th-Thank you so much.
**[17:07] Toto**
Bye.
***SIGN*** Job interview venue for new graduates
**[17:15] Kara**
Huh?
**[17:17] Kara**
What?!
***SIGN*** Job interview venue for new graduates
**[17:24] Guy**
You're late!
**[17:25] Toto**
Sorry. I've never been here,
so I didn't know the way.
***SIGN*** HR Oomori
**[17:29] Guy**
Do you even want to work?
**[17:31] Toto**
My bad.
**[17:34] Kara**
That bitch!
***SIGN*** End
**[17:40] Totty**
A New Year's tradition!
**[17:42] Totty**
The fourth annual Totty Quiz!
***SIGN*** Annual New Year's
Totty Quiz
**[17:48] Totty**
It's time once again. Those who answer
correctly will get this sticker.
**[17:53] Totty**
Let's get right into it. Question one.
**[17:56] Totty**
Why aren't we popular with girls?
**[17:59] Totty**
A: Because we're shit.
B: We haven't had enough encounters.
***SIGN*** A: Because we're shit
B: We haven't had enough encounters
**[18:04] Totty**
Let's go!
**[18:11] Totty**
Too bad!
**[18:12] Totty**
Are you guys stupid? Just die already!
**[18:15] Totty**
Question two.
**[18:17] Totty**
Why can't the six of us find jobs?
**[18:20] Totty**
A: Because we're shit.
B: We just haven't found the right job.
***SIGN*** A: Because we're shit
B: We just haven't found the right job
**[18:32] Totty**
Yeah, I could eat three
bowls of rice with this.
**[18:36] Totty**
Question three.
**[18:37] Totty**
If we were able to get a job,
which would it be?
**[18:42] Totty**
A: Comedians. B: Voice actors.
***SIGN*** A: Comedians
B: Voice Actors
**[18:53] Totty**
Question four!
**[18:54] Totty**
Which one's sexier?
**[18:56] Totty**
A: Sticks. B: Buns.
***SIGN*** A: Sticks
B: Buns
**[19:01] Oso**
Wouldn't it depend on your preferences?
**[19:03] Choro**
Is there even a right answer?
**[19:04] Choro**
Which is it?
**[19:05] Jyu**
Sticks?
**[19:06] Ichi**
Buns? Uh...
**[19:11] Todo**
Question five.
**[19:12] Oso**
Why?! That question didn't
even have a right answer!
**[19:16] Jyu**
Hey! They got stickers!
**[19:18] Todo**
Being completely honest, how many
times do you do it in a day?
**[19:21] Todo**
A: Once a day. B: Twice a day.
***SIGN*** A: Once a day
B: Twice a day
**[19:24] Oso**
I'm telling you, there's
no right answer to this!
**[19:27] Kara**
It depends on the person!
**[19:28] Choro**
What the hell's up with this quiz?!
**[19:33] Todo**
Question six.
**[19:35] Kara**
That's enough!
**[19:36] Jyu**
Give us questions with actual right answers!
**[19:38] Todo**
Which is the correct answer:
**[19:40] Todo**
A: Actresses. B: Amateurs.
***SIGN*** A: Actresses
B: Amateurs
**[19:43] Oso**
There isn't a right answer!
**[19:45] Ichi**
This is all based on your opinion!
**[19:46] Choro**
Just give us questions with
actual right answers, Totty!
**[19:51] Todo**
Question seven.
**[19:53] Todo**
Which is more awkward?
**[19:55] Todo**
A: Waiting for the pizza delivery guy
to give you change at the front door.
***SIGN*** A: Waiting for the pizza delivery guy to give you
change at the front door.
B: Someone you know suddenly dyes their hair brown.
**[19:58] Todo**
B: Someone you know suddenly
dyes their hair brown.
**[20:04] Totty**
Correct! You all get stickers!
**[20:07] Ichi**
That was easy.
**[20:08] Oso**
I finally got one correct.
**[20:14] Totty**
Question eight.
**[20:16] Totty**
What is the square root of 7?
**[20:17] Totty**
A: 2.64575. B: 3.01889.
**[20:22] Kara**
What?!
**[20:23] Ichi**
Which is it?
**[20:24] Oso**
No idea.
**[20:26] Todo**
Bzzt. You're out of time.
**[20:28] Todo**
The correct answer is A: 2.64575.
**[20:31] Oso**
Would've never guessed.
**[20:34] Todo**
Question nine.
**[20:36] Todo**
Which ones are Dekapan's pants?
**[20:38] Todo**
A: This one. B: This one.
**[20:42] Todo**
And the correct answer is B.
**[20:44] Oso**
Would've never guessed.
**[20:46] Todo**
Question ten. Which one is cuter?
**[20:50] Todo**
A: Totoko-chan. B: Totty.
***SIGN*** A: Totoko-chan
B: Totty
**[21:00] Todo**
Too bad! Naturally, the answer's Totoko-chan!
**[21:03] Todo**
You conniving jerks!
**[21:06] Todo**
Last question!
***SIGN*** Welcome!
4th Annual New Year's
Totty Quiz
**[21:10] Todo**
Though honestly, we shouldn't even
be doing this ridiculous quiz.
**[21:14] Todo**
What should we actually be
concentrating on right now?!
**[21:18] Todo**
A: Finding a job! B: S*x!
***SIGN*** A: Finding a job
B: --x!
**[21:29] Five**
Which is it?!
**[21:33] Todo**
You idiots!
**[21:36] Todo**
Of course the answer is B!
**[21:40] All**
T-Totty!
**[22:02] Totty**
That's it for the Totty Quiz!
**[22:04] Totty**
See you next year!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:40] Kara**
This is Karamatsu.
**[23:41] Kara**
Next time, there might be a new chance at
love with the appearance of a new girl.
**[23:44] Kara**
Huh? What about Totoko-chan?
***SIGN*** "Space Pirates" "Gourmet Round" "The Cutie Next Door" etc.
**[23:49] Kara**
I'll end up in a harem situation
where they both fight over me!
**[23:52] Kara**
Let's hope-tion!
# E16 - Space Pirates / Gourmet Episode / The Cutie Next Door
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRGG35M1R/space-pirates--gourmet-episode--the-cutie-next-door)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:08] Pirate**
*I stole it all...*
**[00:11] Pirate**
*Money,*
**[00:13] Pirate**
*weapons,*
**[00:15] Pirate**
*authority,*
**[00:17] Pirate**
*and women.*
**[00:20] Sha**
*Everything in this world was my prey.*
**[00:27] Guy**
That's...
**[00:30] Guy**
The space pirate Shaazar!
**[00:32] Guy2**
It's Shaazar!
**[00:51] Sha**
*But I'm reaching the end of the line.*
**[01:05] Sha**
Boredom is evil.
**[01:24] Guy**
All right! We've finally got him!
**[01:27] Guy**
Shoot him down with everything we've got!
**[01:33] Guy**
Wait! That's...
**[01:40] Sha**
*I've decided to reset everything.*
**[01:43] Sha**
*This life, my memories...*
**[01:46] Sha**
* I'm going back to nothingness,*
* and going down a new path.*
**[01:53] prof**
This is rather commendable, Shaazar-sama.
**[01:57] Prof**
You have a life anyone would be envious of,
and such a beautiful face.
**[02:01] Prof**
Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
**[02:10] Prof**
This way.
**[02:23] Prof**
How unfortunate.
**[02:25] Prof**
I guess even the great pirate
has no choice but to run away
**[02:29] Prof**
if the Empire is after him.
**[02:32] Android**
That's not it.
**[02:33] Prof**
Huh?
**[02:33] Android**
He's not running away. He's become
bored with this whole universe.
***SIGN*** 20 Years Later
**[02:49] Guy**
We've finally found you,
Space Pirate Shaazar!
**[02:52] Guy 2**
To think you'd change your face
to this just to get away from us.
**[02:56] Guy**
Give it up! We know you're Shaazar!
**[03:01] Dayon**
Nope, I'm not!
***SIGN*** Space Pirates
**[03:04] Dayon**
I'm just Dayon!
**[03:07] Guy**
You can't fool us! No human
actually looks like that!
**[03:11] Dayon**
You've got the wrong guy!
**[03:13] Guy**
It's Shaazar! Fire!
**[03:15] Deka**
Hold it!
**[03:16] Deka**
What's all this fuss about?
**[03:19] Guy**
Who the heck's this guy?
**[03:20] Guy**
He's suspicious, too.
Are you the real Shaazar?!
**[03:23] Deka**
What?!
**[03:24] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:25] Deka**
You've got the wrong guy!
**[03:27] Guy**
No one dresses like that on purpose!
**[03:30] Guy**
It's Shaazar! Fire!
**[03:31] Deka**
Wait!
**[03:33] Iya**
What's going on here?
**[03:35] Guy**
Are you the real Shaazar?!
**[03:36] Iya**
Huh?!
**[03:37] Guy**
No one looks that evil to begin with!
**[03:40] Guy**
It's Shaazar! Fire!
**[03:41] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[03:42] Iya**
You've got the wrong guy!
**[03:44] Guy**
Wh-Which one is the real Shaazar?!
**[03:46] Dayon**
It's him!
**[03:48] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:48] Deka**
It's him!
**[03:49] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:50] Iya**
It has to be you!
**[03:51] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:51] Dayon**
It's him!
**[03:52] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:53] Deka**
It's him!
**[03:53] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:53] Iya**
It has to be you!
**[03:54] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:54] Dayon**
It's him!
**[03:55] Guy**
Which one is the real Shaazar?!
**[03:57] Deka**
It's him!
**[03:58] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:58] Iya**
It has to be you!
**[03:59] Guy**
Fire!
**[03:59] Dayon**
It's him!
**[04:00] Guy**
Fire!
**[04:00] Deka**
It's him!
**[04:01] Iya**
It has to be you!
**[04:01] Guy**
Fire!
**[04:02] Dayon**
It's him!
**[04:02] Guy**
Fire!
**[04:02] Deka**
It's him!
**[04:03] Guy**
Fire!
**[04:03] Iya**
It has to be you!
**[04:04] Dayon**
It's him!
**[04:04] ---**
Fire!
**[04:04] ---**
Fire!
***SIGN*** End
**[04:05] ---**
Fire!
**[04:07] ---**
Fire!
***SIGN*** "Gourmet Episode"
**[05:43] Ichi**
So good.
**[05:44] Jyushi**
Yum!
**[05:45] Mom**
It's so good! I didn't think it'd be so good.
**[05:48] Mom**
I underestimated him.
**[05:49] Oso**
Right? Chibita's oden is the best!
**[05:53] Chibi**
Oh, stop, you idjit. But my oden's
got spirit, if nothing else.
**[05:59] Mom**
What's the matter, dear?
**[06:02] Dad**
It's not a big deal, really.
**[06:03] Dad**
I'm just surprised you can all fuss over
this oden when it's not even good.
**[06:07] All**
Huh?
**[06:08] Chib**
Whaddya say, you idjit?! Say it again!
**[06:11] Dad**
Yeah, I'll say it as many times as you want.
**[06:14] Dad**
This isn't something you
can actually call oden.
**[06:18] Dad**
It's just some hodgepodge
made by some amateur!
**[06:22] Totty**
Who the heck are you?
**[06:23] Oso**
What's wrong, Dad? Why are you
acting like someone else?
**[06:26] Kara**
What kind of switch is this?!
**[06:28] Dad**
Listen up, chef. The atmosphere is
really important when you're eating.
**[06:34] Dad**
I'm going to be blunt...
**[06:36] Dad**
It's frickin' cold out here.
**[06:38] Chibi**
Uh, it's a food stall, so of
course it's cold, you idjit.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[06:41] Chibi**
What're you talkin' about?
**[06:43] Dad**
You don't even have the right equipment.
These are disposable chopsticks.
**[06:46] Chibi**
Because it's a food stall.
**[06:47] Dad**
And the mustard is hot!
**[06:49] Chibi**
Duh. It's mustard.
**[06:50] Dad**
All of those things are
making your oden taste bad.
**[06:54] Chibi**
You're the one making it taste bad! Leave!
**[06:57] Dad**
Listen up, everyone. If you want to eat
some real oden, this time next week,
**[07:02] Dad**
come to this place.
***SIGN*** Matsuboshi
**[07:05] Dad**
I'll serve you all the best oden in Japan.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Tribune
**[07:13] Guy**
Hey, Matsuno-kun! You still have work to do!
**[07:17] Guy**
Matsuno-kun!
***SIGN*** Matsuboshi
**[08:02] Dad**
That's it.
***SIGN*** Matsuboshi
***SIGN*** Matsuboshi
***SIGN*** 30 Minutes Later
***SIGN*** Matsuboshi
***SIGN*** 2 Hours Later
**[08:35] Dad**
No one came!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "The Cutie Next Door"
**[08:49] Oso**
S-So cute!
**[08:51] Jyu**
She's cute!
**[08:52] Totty**
Yeah, she's super cute!
**[08:53] Kara**
She's beautiful.
**[08:54] Choro**
She's lovely.
**[09:00] Todo**
So, what's important here is how
we become acquainted with her.
**[09:04] Choro**
Right... They do say first
impressions are important.
**[09:08] Jyu**
How to greet her, huh?
**[09:10] Oso**
How to greet her...
**[09:12] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:23] Oso**
Wh-Wh-Wh-What are we
supposed to do with this?!
**[09:26] Kara**
What are we going to do? Her bra came
over before we could even go say hi!
**[09:30] Totty**
How does this happen?!
**[09:32] Ichi**
Sh-Should we go return it?
**[09:35] Todo**
Huh? And say, "You dropped your bra?"
**[09:37] Todo**
Talk about the worst first impression.
**[09:38] Oso**
All right. Should we just keep it, then?
**[09:40] Choro**
Are you stupid?
**[09:41] Jyu**
Should we just eat it?
**[09:42] Kara**
Are you stupid?
**[09:43] Oso**
What are we going to do?! Do virgins
usually have to face such challenges?!
**[09:47] Six**
What should we do?!
**[09:48] Six**
What are we going to do?!
**[09:49] Kinko**
Pardon me!
**[09:58] Todo**
Who would've thought
she'd come and get it?
**[10:04] Oso**
* Her name is Inuyama Kinko.*
* Kin-chan for short.*
**[10:09] Oso**
* Ever since then, her bras*
* show up every once in a while.*
**[10:14] Kinko**
It blew away again.
**[10:16] Choro**
This isn't really something
to laugh about, Kin-chan.
**[10:18] Kara**
We're virgins over here.
**[10:20] Oso**
* The more bras that came flying*
* over, the closer we got.*
**[10:25] Jyu**
We're home!
**[10:26] Kin**
Hey, NEETs.
**[10:28] Jyu**
Kin-chan!
**[10:30] Kin**
Heya!
**[10:32] Kin**
Here, this is for you guys.
**[10:35] Jyu**
What is it?
**[10:36] Kin**
They're sweets from back home.
**[10:37] Kin**
I wanted to thank you guys
for always finding my bras.
**[10:40] Jyu**
What? Really?
**[10:42] Kin**
Give some to your parents, too. See ya!
**[10:49] Oso**
Kin-chan's so cute.
**[10:51] Choro**
She's so lovely.
**[10:53] Kara**
Kin-chan, we love you!
**[10:55] Totty**
You're super cute!
**[10:56] Oso**
So cute!
**[10:57] Jyu**
Kin-chan!
**[11:01] Toto**
Kin-chan? Who's that?
**[11:04] Oso**
Make sure your bras don't
come flying over again!
**[11:07] Toto**
Someone who has bras flying
over there? Who is she?
**[11:10] Choro**
Kin-chan!
**[11:11] Kara**
Kin-chan!
**[11:12] Toto**
Who? Who's Kin-chan?!
**[11:14] Six**
Kin-chan!
**[11:15] Toto**
Seriously, who is she?!
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[11:19] Oso**
Hey, there's trouble!
**[11:21] All**
Huh?
**[11:22] Oso**
Kin-chan says she wants
to go on a date with us!
**[11:24] All**
What?!
**[11:25] Totty**
Seriously?!
**[11:26] Jyu**
Why?!
**[11:26] Kara**
Wow, wow, wow!
**[11:28] Oso**
Apparently she's still not used to Tokyo,
so she wants us to show her around.
**[11:33] Choro**
Sheeeh! When?
**[11:34] Oso**
Tomorrow!
**[11:35] All**
Tomorrow?!
**[11:38] Ichi**
Tomorrow's not going to work.
**[11:39] Ichi**
We promised Totoko-chan...
**[11:43] Ichi**
that we'd go to a sale with her so she
can let us carry all her stuff for her.
**[11:47] Ichi**
It's a very blessed day.
**[11:49] Toto**
Is it heavy, you guys?
**[11:52] All**
Not at all!
**[11:53] Oso**
Oh, crap! That's tomorrow?
**[11:56] Kara**
How could you double-book, you fool?!
**[11:58] Oso**
We don't have any other choice...
but to decline Totoko-chan's offer.
**[12:02] Choro**
Huh?
**[12:03] Choro**
Can we actually do that?
Won't we get killed?
**[12:05] Oso**
Well, you know, Kin-chan's...
**[12:08] Choro**
Oh, right...
***SIGN*** Totoko-chan
***SIGN*** In call
**[12:18] Toto**
*Hello?*
**[12:22] Kara**
T-Totoko-chan?
**[12:24] Toto**
*What is it, Karamatsu-kun?*
**[12:27] Kara**
Um... About tomorrow...
**[12:30] Toto**
*Yeah?*
**[12:32] Toto**
What? What? What?!
**[12:35] Toto**
You can't come?!
**[12:43] Toto**
What's that supposed to mean?
**[12:47] Toto**
You promised me, didn't you? So why?
**[12:51] Kara**
Well, uh, something came up...
**[12:53] Toto**
Something came up?
**[12:55] Toto**
So you don't want to come on our date?
**[12:58] Kara**
Non, non! No, no, no, non, Totoko-chan!
**[13:00] Choro**
Of course we want to go!
And we're grief-stricken over this, but...
**[13:03] Toto**
Really?
**[13:05] Choro**
Yes! Totally grief-stricken!
**[13:07] Choro**
Right, Jyushimatsu?
**[13:09] Jyu**
My insides are exploding!
I can't believe we can't go!
**[13:15] Toto**
Okay, fine.
**[13:16] Toto**
I'll never ask you guys out again.
**[13:18] Toto**
Bye!
**[13:22] Ichi**
Totoko-chan's amazing...
**[13:24] Oso**
When'd she learn how to do that?
**[13:27] Jyu**
Someone praise me.
***SIGN*** The Next Day
**[13:29] Toto**
Hmph!
**[13:31] Toto**
How dare they cancel on me
at the last minute? Those idiots.
**[13:35] Toto**
Oh, well. I guess I can try
holding my own bags for once.
**[13:41] Toto**
Huh?
**[13:43] Toto**
What? Why?
**[13:45] Toto**
Was the thing that came up...
**[13:48] Kin**
Let's go.
**[13:49] Jyu**
Where do you want to go, Kin-chan?
**[13:51] Toto**
There's that Kin-chan again!
**[13:52] Toto**
Who's Kin-chan? Who's this Kin-chan?
**[13:54] Toto**
Who is she?!
**[14:01] Toto**
Oh-ho... I see.
**[14:04] Toto**
So basically, when you're that
unpopular, I'm out of your league.
**[14:09] Toto**
That's why they're targeting
a commoner instead.
**[14:12] Toto**
Yes, they can't help it.
**[14:14] Toto**
I'm just too cute! They are
virgins, after all, yes.
***SIGN*** Fresh
Juice
**[14:18] Toto**
* They look like they're having fun.*
* It's good that I let them do this. Yes.*
**[14:22] Toto**
* They're so close. I guess they don't*
* get as nervous with a commoner. Yes.*
**[14:35] Kin**
Hey, what do you think of this?
**[14:37] Todo**
Huh? I'm not so sure...
**[14:39] Kin**
No way! It's cute, isn't it?
**[14:41] Oso**
Yeah, I'm not sure...
**[14:42] Choro**
I'm not sure if it suits you, Kin-chan.
**[14:44] Kin**
What? I look good, don't I?
**[14:46] Ichi**
It doesn't look good on you at all.
**[14:47] Kin**
What?
**[14:51] Oso**
Where should we go next?
**[14:52] Oso**
Pachinko? The horse races?
**[14:54] Jyu**
Jingu? Dome?
**[14:56] Kin**
I dunno. There are so many choices.
**[14:59] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:00] Ichi**
What's wrong?
**[15:01] Choro**
Look over there.
**[15:02] All**
Huh?
**[15:03] Choro**
Isn't that... Totoko-chan?
**[15:24] Kin**
What? What's going on?
**[15:30] Kara**
She's super pissed!
**[15:33] Jyu**
Not good.
**[15:34] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan,
get me something to drink.
**[15:36] Choro**
Buy it yourself!
**[15:38] Choro**
Honestly...
**[15:48] All**
T-Totoko-chan!
**[15:50] Choro**
We're sorry! Please forgive us!
**[15:51] Choro**
It's all our fault, Totoko-chan!
**[15:53] Toto**
I am not Totoko. I'm a vending machine.
**[15:56] Toto**
Please insert 130 yen.
**[15:58] Kara**
Really, we're sorry!
**[16:00] Choro**
Please forgive us, Totoko-chan!
**[16:01] Toto**
I am not Totoko. Please insert 130 yen.
**[16:05] Kara**
You're freaking us out!
**[16:06] Choro**
Come on, please!
**[16:08] Toto**
Buy some drinks.
***SIGN*** Izakaya
**[16:26] Choro**
S-So, this is Kin-chan...
**[16:30] Toto**
Who? Who's Kin-chan?
**[16:32] Kin**
N-Nice to meet you.
**[16:34] Toto**
Nice to meet you.
**[16:35] Kin**
My name is Inuyama Kinko.
**[16:37] Toto**
I am a vending machine.
**[16:40] Choro**
Y-You see, there's a good reason for this.
**[16:44] Choro**
We didn't pick one over the other.
**[16:47] Toto**
It's fine. I'm not mad.
**[16:50] Toto**
I don't care who you hang out with.
I'm not your girlfriend.
**[16:54] Toto**
Of course you'd prefer this date instead.
**[16:57] Toto**
Who would want to go out with an uncute
girl who'd make you hold all her bags?
**[17:01] Choro**
Huh? But you're the cutest, Totoko-chan!
**[17:04] Toto**
I'm not cute.
**[17:05] Jyu**
But you are!
**[17:06] Toto**
How am I cute? I get mad
easily, and I'm selfish.
**[17:09] Toto**
That's not cute at all.
**[17:11] Ichi**
No, you are.
**[17:12] Toto**
I'm not.
**[17:13] All**
You're cute!
**[17:14] Toto**
I'm not.
**[17:15] All**
You are!
**[17:16] Toto**
I'm not.
**[17:17] All**
You are!
**[17:18] Toto**
I'm not.
**[17:20] Oso**
Yeah, you're not cute at all.
**[17:25] Oso**
What's with you, Totoko-chan? Are you that
mad we had to cancel at the last minute?
**[17:29] Oso**
You're acting weird today.
**[18:02] Todo**
Totoko-chan. Sorry, he's an idiot.
**[18:06] Todo**
Don't let him get to you.
**[18:08] Todo**
We're the ones who double-booked, and he
tried to overlook that fact. He's an idiot.
**[18:21] (Flashback) Kin**
Oh, sorry. Don't worry about it.
I'll hold my own things.
**[18:25] (Flashback) Kin**
This is perfect for you.
**[18:27] (Flashback) Kin**
Why don't we rest a bit?
This is tiring, isn't it?
**[18:32] (Flashback) Kin**
This one!
**[18:35] (Flashback) Todo**
It doesn't look good at all!
**[18:36] (Flashback) Oso**
Let's pick something else.
**[18:40] (Flashback) Kin**
Gosh, you guys are so picky.
**[18:50] Todo**
What's wrong?
**[18:52] Toto**
I'm going home.
**[18:53] Todo**
Huh? But why?
**[18:54] Todo**
Everyone's waiting for you.
**[18:56] Toto**
Forget it. It's too much trouble.
**[19:00] Todo**
What's too much trouble?
**[19:11] Toto**
Huh?
**[19:14] Kin**
Um... They explained everything to me,
**[19:19] Kin**
and it seems like they
changed their plans for me
**[19:22] Kin**
since I'm going back home tomorrow.
**[19:25] Toto**
Going home?
**[19:26] Choro**
Yeah. She's in town now to visit a relative.
**[19:31] Choro**
She's going home tomorrow,
so today was the only day.
**[19:35] Oso**
I guess we should've just said that.
**[19:37] Oso**
We're sorry, Totoko-chan.
**[19:39] Kin**
I'm so sorry!
**[19:41] Kin**
They promised you first,
but I ended up intervening...
**[19:47] Oso**
Hey, you don't need to apologize, Kin-chan.
**[20:05] Toto**
Why?! Why are you apologizing?!
**[20:12] Toto**
Who? Who's Kin-chan? Ugh!
**[20:18] Todo**
Uh, what?
**[20:20] Oso**
I have no idea...
**[20:21] Toto**
Who's Kin-chan?!
***SIGN*** The Next Day
**[21:12] Oso**
Well, there she goes.
**[21:15] Kara**
Hopefully she'll come visit again.
**[21:17] Jyu**
Maybe over summer vacation.
**[21:19] Todo**
Thanks for coming, Totoko-chan.
**[21:21] Choro**
We're relieved you two made up.
**[21:28] Toto**
Hey.
**[21:32] Toto**
Listen up. I'll forgive Kin-chan,
because she was a nice girl.
**[21:36] Toto**
However... However!
**[21:40] Toto**
You have the cutest girl of all,
Yowai Totoko, right next to you!
**[21:44] Toto**
So stop letting your eyes wander like that!
**[21:47] All**
Yes, ma'am!
**[21:48] Toto**
Totoko is number one!
**[21:49] All**
Yes, milady!
**[21:50] Toto**
No question.
**[21:52] All**
Yes, milady!
**[21:53] Toto**
The cutest!
**[21:54] All**
Yes, milady!
**[21:56] Oso**
Um, just wondering... What are the chances
you'll go out with one of us someday?
**[22:01] Toto**
Huh?
**[22:02] Toto**
Yeah... I don't see that happening.
**[22:05] All**
Yes, milady!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Choro**
Next week is a story about a mysterious girl
**[23:42] Choro**
who appears at a traditional
inn in the countryside.
**[23:44] Choro**
What's her secret?
**[23:46] Choro**
Did you figure it out?
That's what I thought, too.
***SIGN*** "Punishment!" "Inn" etc.
**[23:49] Choro**
Just the sound of the word
"inn" makes it sound pervy.
# E17 - Punishment! / Inn
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYWE7QPKY/punishment--inn)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] Nar**
* Unidentified mysterious animals,*
* otherwise known as UMA.*
**[00:08] Nar**
* The mysterious world of the occult*
* is filled with passion and dreams.*
**[00:12] Nar**
* This is the passionate tale of*
* adventure of the men who were*
**[00:16] Nar**
*enchanted by its mysticism!*
**[00:19] Iyami**
Iyami...
**[00:21] Hata**
Hatabou...
**[00:21] Jyu**
And Jyushimatsu's...
**[00:23] All**
...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah!
***SIGN*** UMA Expedition Team
**[00:32] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:35] Iyami**
You two!
**[00:36] Iyami**
Our target today is this!
**[00:40] Iyami**
The Devil Yeti!
**[00:42] Hata**
Jo.
**[00:44] Iyami**
It lives in a cave that looks like this!
**[00:48] Iyami**
We're going to catch one, no matter what!
**[00:50] Jyu**
Today's the day...
**[00:51] Hata**
...we catch one, jo!
**[00:52] Iyami**
Let's do this!
**[00:53] Jyu**
Jo! Jo!
**[00:54] Hata**
Yeti!
**[00:56] ---**
Cacth and release!
***SIGN*** One Week Later
**[01:39] Hata**
Jo!
**[01:43] Hata**
Jo...
**[01:46] Hata**
That hurt, jo!
**[02:27] Jyu**
Ow!
**[02:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:45] Hata**
Jo... Jo... Jo...
**[02:52] Jo**
Jo...
**[03:02] Jo**
Jo.
**[03:07] Iyami**
That hurt!
**[03:10] Iyami**
Die! Die! Both of you die!
**[03:22] Jyu**
D-Director!
**[03:23] Iyami**
Me is not a director. Me is your captain.
**[03:25] Jyu**
Look!
**[03:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh! That's the Devil Yeti's...
**[03:34] Jyu**
Yay!
**[03:35] Iyami**
We did it!
**[03:37] Hata**
It's coming out, jo.
**[03:41] Hata**
Jo...
**[03:46] Hata**
Jo...
**[03:49] ---**
Jo...
**[03:58] Jyu**
What are you doing?
**[03:59] Dayon**
Training.
**[04:03] Hata**
Jo.
***SIGN*** End
**[05:38] Oso**
What? Seriously?!
**[05:40] Oso**
We're having yakiniku tonight?!
**[05:42] Kara**
Is that the truth, Daddy and Mommy?!
**[05:45] Dad**
Yakiniku.
**[05:46] Mom**
Yes, yakiniku.
**[05:49] choro**
Yay! Yakiniku!
**[05:51] Todo**
Yay! So happy!
**[05:53] Ichi**
Yes... Yes... Yes...
***SIGN*** "Punishment!"
**[06:00] Jyu**
We're having yakiniku tonight,
Ichimatsu-niisan! Isn't that great?
**[06:06] Jyu**
Aren't you happy?
**[06:08] Ichi**
No, I'm happy.
**[06:11] Jyu**
You don't really come out and say
when you're happy, do you?
**[06:15] Ichi**
Leave me alone.
**[06:16] Jyu**
I will.
***SIGN*** Change
***SIGN*** Vending
***SIGN*** No Bills Out of Change
**[06:20] Jyu**
Whoa! That's awesome!
**[06:22] Jyu**
It's your lucky day, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[06:25] Jyu**
What's wrong?
**[06:26] Ichi**
There's already a blessed event in that
we're going to have yakiniku tonight...
**[06:31] Ichi**
Why did I win a free drink, too?
**[06:34] Jyu**
Good for you.
**[06:36] Ichi**
It's a trap.
**[06:37] Jyu**
Huh?!
**[06:38] Ichi**
Let's go home.
**[06:38] Jyu**
Why?! Don't you want your drink?
**[06:40] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan?!
**[06:44] Jyu**
Hey, it's a cat.
**[06:45] Jyu**
Look, Ichimatsu-niisan! There's a cat.
**[06:50] Jyu**
Why aren't you looking?
**[06:51] Ichi**
It really is a trap.
**[06:53] Jyu**
What?!
**[06:57] Jyu**
You found a 500-yen coin. Lucky you!
**[07:00] Jyu**
Why?!
**[07:05] Jyu**
What's the matter? Why are you so scared?
**[07:09] Ichi**
So many good things are happening today,
I'm actually scared.
**[07:13] Jyu**
Come again?
**[07:14] Ichi**
Aren't you scared?
**[07:16] Jyu**
Not at all.
**[07:17] Ichi**
Doesn't it make you wonder why
these happy things keep happening?
**[07:20] Jyu**
Not at all.
**[07:26] Ichi**
Okay, this is tonight's yakiniku.
**[07:29] Ichi**
It's a good thing. It's a happy thing.
**[07:31] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[07:32] Ichi**
But you can't get too happy over it,
**[07:35] Ichi**
because something equally as
bad is going to happen later.
**[07:38] Jyu**
What?! Really?
**[07:39] Ichi**
Yeah. Life is all about balance.
**[07:42] Jyu**
Huh...
**[07:44] Ichi**
But then...
**[07:46] Ichi**
I won a drink on top of that,
then we found a cat, my favorite,
**[07:50] Ichi**
and I found a 500-yen coin...
**[07:54] Ichi**
This is definitely not good.
My happiness debt's completely inflated.
**[07:57] Jyu**
Happiness debt...
**[07:59] Jyu**
What's happiness debt?
**[08:01] Ichi**
The misfortune payback
for this will be terrifying.
**[08:05] Jyu**
What's misfortune payback?
**[08:07] Ichi**
That's exactly why, Jyushimatsu.
**[08:08] Jyu**
Huh?
**[08:09] Ichi**
Since we're already having yakiniku tonight,
**[08:12] Ichi**
we don't need anything else good to happen.
**[08:14] Ichi**
If we pack on too much happiness debt,
**[08:16] Ichi**
in the worst case, we might not
be able to eat yakiniku tonight.
**[08:18] Jyu**
What?! That'll be awful.
**[08:20] Ichi**
We have to be cautious...
**[08:22] Ichi**
We have to make some bad things
happen in order to maintain balance.
**[08:26] Jyu**
True.
**[08:27] Ichi**
For the yakiniku.
**[08:29] Jyu**
For the yakiniku.
**[08:36] Jyu**
I'm jealous. You seem to be getting
all the fish, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[08:41] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[08:43] Jyu**
Oh, yeah. Punishment!
**[08:51] Jyu**
Yay! I hit it!
**[08:53] Ichi**
No, Jyushimatsu.
**[08:56] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[08:59] Ichi**
Well done.
***SIGN*** Daibinbouya
***SIGN*** You Win!
Get a free one
from the store
you got this from
**[09:06] Jyu**
Punishment!
***SIGN*** Pro Baseball
Lightly Salted Chips
w/ Trading Card!
**[09:09] Jyu**
Heck yes! Mernored!
**[09:10] Ichi**
Punishment!
***SIGN*** The Original Akatsuka Ramen
**[09:13] Lady**
Congratulations! You're our 10,000th customer!
**[09:19] Both**
Punishment!
**[09:24] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[09:26] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[09:28] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[09:30] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[09:31] Both**
Punishment! Punishment!
Punishment! Punishment!
***SIGN*** Shibuya Station
**[09:44] Ichi**
H-Here we go... The ultimate punishment.
**[09:47] Jyu**
S-Seriously?
**[09:50] Ichi**
Punishment, punishment, punishment,
punishment, punishment...
**[09:56] Jyu**
Nothing's even happening,
but I'm super nervous!
**[09:59] Jyu**
Too fancy!
**[10:01] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[10:02] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[10:03] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[10:04] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[10:06] Ichi**
Take the punishment, Jyushimatsu!
**[10:08] Jyu**
Take the punishment, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[10:10] Both**
Punishment!
**[10:25] Ichi**
I think we went a little overboard...
**[10:27] Jyu**
I can't take any more...
**[10:34] Guy**
Aw, man. A sudden rainstorm.
**[10:38] Guy**
This sucks!
**[10:42] Both**
Yes!
**[10:47] Ichi**
It's a sudden rainstorm, Jyushimatsu!
**[10:50] Jyu**
It's a sudden rainstorm, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[10:52] Ichi**
Now we don't need to punish
each other anymore.
**[10:54] Jyu**
No reason at all!
**[10:56] Both**
Yay!
**[10:59] Jyu**
I can already taste the yakiniku!
**[11:00] Jyu**
I can taste the kalbi!
**[11:04] Both**
No need to punish ourselves!
**[11:07] Girl 1**
Ugh, this sucks.
**[11:09] Girl 2**
I'm soaked!
**[11:11] Girl 1**
I'm going to catch a cold.
**[11:12] Girl 2**
Seriously! This is awful.
**[11:18] Both**
Punishment!
**[11:29] Todo**
We bought so much meat.
**[11:32] Choro**
I can't wait.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Inn"
**[11:52] Kara**
The mountains sure are great.
**[11:54] Todo**
They are.
**[11:56] Todo**
And it's so nice to be on vacation with you, sir.
**[12:00] Kara**
Come on. You don't need to
call me "sir" today, Todomi.
**[12:04] todo**
Okay, Karahiko-san.
**[12:07] Kara**
Looks like we're here.
***SIGN*** Welcome
**[12:10] Todo**
How lovely.
**[12:15] Choro**
Welcome. I am the proprietress
of this establishment, Choroe.
**[12:19] Choro**
Thank you for coming.
**[12:22] Kara**
Hello.
**[12:23] Todo**
Thank you for having us.
**[12:27] Choro**
Here is your room.
**[12:34] Todo**
It really is lovely.
**[12:36] Kara**
It's a great view, all right.
**[12:38] Todo**
Oh, honestly. I'm not talking about the view.
**[12:40] Kara**
Hm?
**[12:41] Todo**
I'm talking about you.
**[12:46] Kara**
Well, let's change into something
a bit more comfortable.
**[12:48] Todo**
Yes.
**[12:53] Kara**
Huh? Who's this kid?
**[13:05] Kara**
L-Little girl?
**[13:08] Oso**
My name's Osoma!
**[13:12] Kara**
Oso?
**[13:13] Oso**
Osoma!
**[13:14] Oso**
I'm a zashikiwarashi that lives in this room!
**[13:16] Kara**
A zashikiwarashi?
**[13:17] Oso**
Yup!
**[13:19] Todo**
Hey, this is creepy.
**[13:21] Todo**
Let's go tell the staff about this.
**[13:23] Kara**
Yeah, you're right...
**[13:26] Oso**
I'm telling the truth.
**[13:29] Oso**
No one ever believes me at first,
**[13:32] Oso**
but I really am a zashikiwarashi.
**[13:38] Oso**
See?
**[13:41] Kara**
It's real!
***SIGN*** Evil spirits, begone
**[13:53] Todo**
Hey, how long are we going to do this?
**[13:55] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[13:57] Kara**
Oh, it's fine.
**[13:58] Todo**
What?
**[13:59] Kara**
You don't get to see
zashikiwarashi that often.
**[14:02] Kara**
And look at her. She's adorable.
**[14:04] Todo**
How?!
**[14:09] Kara**
She's so adorable.
**[14:11] Todo**
How?!
**[14:14] Oso**
You're not going to leave?
**[14:15] Kara**
Hm?
**[14:17] Oso**
I mean, I'm a zashikiwarashi.
**[14:19] Oso**
Aren't you sick of me?
**[14:20] Kara**
Not at all. That's why we're not leaving.
**[14:23] Todo**
Huh?!
**[14:24] Oso**
But why? I'm a zashikiwarashi.
**[14:27] Kara**
I'm happy to have a cute little girl
like you in my room, Osoma-chan.
**[14:36] Oso**
You're weird.
**[14:37] Todo**
What are you thinking?
**[14:39] Kara**
Oh, come on. It's fine.
**[14:41] Todo**
How?!
**[14:42] Oso**
Hey.
**[14:43] Oso**
Why don't you go take a bath?
**[14:45] Oso**
You came all the way to the hot springs,
so you should go enjoy them at least once.
**[14:49] Kara**
Oh, that's a great idea.
**[14:51] Todo**
Huh?
**[15:08] Oso**
How's the water? Good?
**[15:09] Kara**
Yeah, it's great.
**[15:12] Oso**
Glad to hear it.
**[15:40] Todo**
Take that! Take that and that!
**[15:44] Todo**
Hey, stop that! Come on!
**[15:52] Todo**
This looks delicious!
**[15:55] Oso**
Come on, sit down.
**[15:59] Oso**
There you go.
**[16:00] Oso**
Here.
**[16:02] Todo**
Thank you, Osoma-chan.
**[16:05] Kara**
Well, let's toast.
**[16:07] ---**
Cheers.
**[16:11] Osoma**
We got this from the mountains over here.
**[16:14] Kara**
I see...
**[16:15] Osoma**
Oh, you put soy sauce on that.
**[16:18] Todo**
Thanks.
**[16:22] Kara**
Good job, Osoma-chan.
**[16:24] Todo**
Well done!
**[16:26] Kara**
You're so cute. If only we
had a daughter like you.
**[16:31] Todo**
Oh, Karahiko-san!
**[16:39] Kara**
But you know... I never thought we'd be
staying in a room with a zashikiwarashi.
**[16:47] Todo**
This ended up being a wonderful trip.
**[16:49] Todo**
I'd love to come again.
**[16:50] Oso**
Did you like our inn?
**[16:52] Todo**
Yes. It's all thanks to you, Osoma-chan.
**[16:55] Oso**
Thank goodness!
**[16:56] Todo**
You did startle me at first, though.
**[16:59] Kara**
But it didn't take long to get used to it.
**[17:01] Oso**
I have something I want to talk
to you about. Is that okay?
**[17:07] Kara**
Talk to us?
**[17:08] Todo**
What is it?
**[17:10] Oso**
It's about my Ma.
**[17:13] Todo**
Your mother? Wait, what about your mother?
**[17:17] Oso**
She's the proprietress of this inn.
**[17:21] Both**
What?!
**[17:22] Kara**
She's your mother?
**[17:25] Oso**
Yup.
**[17:25] Todo**
Really?
**[17:26] Oso**
Yup.
**[17:28] Kara**
I see...
**[17:30] Todo**
How surprising.
**[17:33] Oso**
I was killed.
**[17:37] Kara**
Huh?
**[17:39] Oso**
A long time ago,
**[17:41] Oso**
Ma took my life.
**[17:48] Kara**
Th-Th...
**[17:51] Both**
This is suddenly creepy!
**[17:53] Kara**
Huh? What's going on?! This is super creepy!
**[17:56] Kara**
This was so much fun a little while ago!
Now it's not fun at all!
**[17:58] Kara**
I want to go home!
**[18:00] Todo**
So scary!
**[18:01] Oso**
I was killed in this room.
**[18:02] Both**
Scary!
**[18:03] Oso**
I think I died right around there.
**[18:06] Both**
Huh?!
**[18:07] Oso**
These stains are my blood.
**[18:08] Both**
What?!
**[18:10] Oso**
My bones are buried on
the other side of this wall.
**[18:12] Both**
What?!
**[18:14] Oso**
So any time guests come
to this room, I ask them
**[18:18] Oso**
to at least dig my bones out.
**[18:20] Kara**
What the hell is wrong with this inn?!
**[18:22] Todo**
Worst trip ever! We're never
coming back, you idiot!
**[18:26] Choro**
I've brought you some beer.
**[18:28] Kara**
Now the old lady showed up!
**[18:30] Todo**
So scary!
**[18:31] Choro**
What's the matter? You look a bit pale.
**[18:35] Kara**
*Scary, scary, scary.*
**[18:36] Todo**
*Scary, scary, scary.*
**[18:42] Choro**
Did you happen to see...
something in this room?
**[18:47] Kara**
*She can't see Osoma-chan...*
**[18:51] Kara**
*Scary, scary, scary!*
**[18:52] Todo**
*Scary, scary, scary!*
**[18:53] Choro**
For example, oh, I don't know...
**[18:57] Choro**
A zashikiwarashi?
**[19:00] Kara**
*I'm so scared!*
**[19:02] Todo**
*I'm so scared! What is this, you idiot?!*
**[19:05] Choro**
Well?
**[19:08] Choro**
If you saw one...
**[19:13] Both**
I can't!
**[19:16] Kara**
What is this?! What is this inn?!
**[19:18] Todo**
This is awful! It was so much fun at first!
**[19:22] Kara**
Wait...
**[19:24] Kara**
Should we really leave?
**[19:27] Todo**
Huh?!
**[19:29] Kara**
I mean... If we leave right now,
**[19:32] Kara**
no one will ever know what
happened to that girl.
**[19:38] Todo**
Don't be stupid! Just go!
**[20:13] Oso**
Perfect success!
**[20:14] Choro**
Hey.
**[20:16] Oso**
Ma!
**[20:18] Choro**
There you go, scaring the guests
and making them leave again.
**[20:21] Choro**
Keep it up, and we won't
be able to eat anymore.
**[20:23] Oso**
Come on, let's play, Ma!
**[20:26] Choro**
What do I always tell you? I have to work.
**[20:29] Choro**
Honestly, what a troublesome child.
**[20:33] Oso**
I didn't do anything wrong.
**[20:35] Oso**
This is all your fault, Ma.
**[20:40] Choro**
Oh, very well. Since the guests left,
why don't I read you a book tonight?
**[20:47] Oso**
Really? Yay!
**[20:49] Oso**
I love you, Ma!
**[20:54] Oso**
Hey, Ma.
**[20:57] Oso**
Do you love Osoma?
**[21:01] Choro**
Come now. Don't ask something so obvious.
**[21:06] Oso**
Okay!
***SIGN*** End
**[22:45] Choro**
Aw, man... We ended up with extra time.
**[22:50] Choro**
Well, I guess I'll have to fap—
**[22:52] Kara**
We have extra time?!
**[22:54] Kara**
Hmph! Let's do this, then!
**[22:56] Kara**
Karamatsu and...
**[22:57] jyu**
Jyushimatsu's...
**[22:58] both**
...delivery skit!
**[23:00] Both**
"If Hansel and Gretel Were Actually Smart!"
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
If Hansel and Gretel Were Actually Smart
**[23:06] Kara**
Oh, no. We're lost in the woods.
**[23:09] Jyu**
I'm hungry, Onii-chan.
**[23:12] Kara**
All right. Let's leave pieces of this
bread so we can follow them back.
**[23:23] Kara**
No, Jyushitel. You can't eat them.
**[23:27] Kara**
Jyushitel. Stop eating them.
**[23:31] Kara**
Jyushitel! I told you to stop!
**[23:35] Kara**
Jyushitel!
**[23:36] Jyu**
It's okay. I've been leaving something
behind for every one I eat.
**[23:39] Jyu**
See? Look.
**[23:42] Kara**
Smart!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Iyami, Alone in the Wind"
# E18 - Iyami, Alone in the Wind
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6EXEVM9R/iyami-alone-in-the-wind)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Iyami, Alone in the Wind"
***SIGN*** Starving Town
***SIGN*** Fruit
***SIGN*** Green Grocer Yowai's Fish Shop
**[00:39] Toto**
Thanks! Come again!
**[00:41] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo, jo!
**[00:44] Guy**
The poor are never bored.
***SIGN*** Green Grocer
***SIGN*** Shochikubai
**[01:06] Dayon**
Pay your rent. Wake up.
**[01:10] Iyami**
Say what?
**[01:12] Dayon**
Your rent.
**[01:14] Iyami**
Me doesn't have any money.
Me will give you something better.
**[01:19] Dayon**
What's this?
**[01:20] Iyami**
It's poop.
**[01:22] Dayon**
It stinks!
**[01:30] Guy**
Hey!
**[01:31] Guy**
Stop!
**[01:33] Totoko**
Hey!
**[01:34] All**
Iyami!
**[01:37] Iyami**
Only stupid people work!
**[01:40] Iyami**
Me may not have any money,
but me is still faster than all of you!
**[01:46] Iyami**
Not bad.
**[01:51] Oso**
Out of the way!
**[01:53] Choro**
Make way!
**[01:55] Kara**
The hero of this town,
Chibita-san, is coming through!
**[01:58] Todo**
Welcome back, Chibita-san!
**[02:00] Both**
Bro!
**[02:04] Chibi**
I'm starving.
**[02:05] Chibi**
You guys can eat, too...
If any of it falls on the ground.
**[02:09] Toto**
How dare you mock us?!
**[02:12] Iyami**
All mine!
**[02:16] Chibi**
H-He actually ate it!
**[02:19] Iyami**
Drop some more.
**[02:21] Chibi**
Here.
**[02:22] Iyami**
Next, me will eat it this way!
**[02:24] Chibi**
Here!
**[02:26] Iyami**
Hup!
**[02:27] Chibi**
Here!
**[02:28] Iyami**
Me is going for it!
**[02:40] Lady**
How disgusting.
**[02:43] Lady**
Isn't he ashamed of himself?
**[02:44] Iyami**
Shut up, you old hags!
**[02:52] Kiku**
Would anyone like any flowers?
I have flowers.
**[02:56] Kiku**
Would you like any?
**[03:02] Kiku**
I-I'm so sorry!
**[03:06] Iyami**
Hey, you.
**[03:09] Iyami**
Are you blind?
**[03:11] Kiku**
Oh... Yes.
**[03:19] Iyami**
This is all of them.
**[03:21] Kiku**
Thank you!
**[03:26] Kiku**
Say, mister. Will you buy some flowers?
**[03:30] Iyami**
How much are they?
**[03:32] Kiku**
One is five yen.
**[03:33] Iyami**
Five yen... The one me
picked up earlier is...
**[03:39] Iyami**
Me will give you this 50 yen,
so give me change.
***SIGN*** Five Yen
**[03:44] Kiku**
I don't have any change...
**[03:47] Kiku**
I haven't been able to sell any yet today,
so I don't have any money...
**[03:52] Iyami**
Oh, me doesn't need any change, then!
**[03:54] Iyami**
You can just have it.
**[03:55] Kiku**
Really?
**[03:56] Iyami**
Yeah, totally.
**[04:01] Kiku**
Thank you! You're a nice person, mister.
**[04:05] Iyami**
N...
**[04:06] Iyami**
Nice person?
**[04:08] Iyami**
Sheeeh! No one's ever said that to me before!
**[04:17] Kiku**
Mister?
**[04:18] Iyami**
Oh, it's nothing! Out of curiosity,
why are you selling these flowers?
**[04:30] Iyami**
I see...
**[04:32] Iyami**
Must've been rough.
**[04:34] Kiku**
Both my mom and my dad died then.
**[04:50] Iyami**
What a cruel world.
**[04:52] Iyami**
Well, good luck.
**[04:54] Kiku**
Wait!
**[04:57] Kiku**
I want to give you another one to thank you.
**[05:03] Iyami**
She sure has it rough for a kid.
**[05:08] Jerk**
Watch where you're going, you jerk!
**[05:13] Iyami**
Are you okay? Are you hurt?
**[05:15] Kiku**
The flowers... My flowers...
**[05:18] Kiku**
I'm so sorry... And you just
picked them up for me, too...
**[05:25] Iyami**
Don't worry about picking them up.
**[05:28] Kiku**
Huh?
**[05:29] Iyami**
You should come with me.
**[05:32] Iyami**
Me is also poor, but from now on,
me will be on your side!
**[05:36] Iyami**
Problem solved!
**[05:51] Iyami**
What's your name, little girl?
**[05:53] Kiku**
It's Kiku.
**[05:55] Iyami**
Okiku-chan. What a pure name.
**[05:58] Kiku**
What about you, mister?
**[05:59] Iyami**
It's Iyami.
**[06:01] Kiku**
What do you look like?
**[06:06] Iyami**
A very handsome gentleman.
**[06:09] Both**
You?
**[06:12] Iyami**
Shoo! Shoo, shoo!
**[06:16] Deka**
I see.
**[06:19] Deka**
With the proper treatment,
her eyes will recover just fine.
**[06:24] Deka**
But the task is too great for me.
**[06:26] Deka**
However, there is hope!
**[06:29] Deka**
But I forgot what that hope was.
**[06:33] Deka**
I'm just kidding!
**[06:35] Deka**
There's only one way to cure
this little girl's eyes!
**[06:38] Deka**
You need to get the help of
the famous American doctor
**[06:41] Deka**
who's visiting Japan right now, Dr. Kershaw.
**[06:43] Deka**
He might be able to use the latest
technology from his homeland to help you.
**[06:50] Deka**
But that's going to cost a fortune.
**[06:54] Deka**
Do you have money?
**[06:59] Iyami**
L-Leave it to me!
**[07:03] Kiku**
Mister!
**[07:06] Guy**
*All right, all you losers out there.*
**[07:09] Guy**
* Did someone important*
* yell at you again today?*
***SIGN*** Chibita Pro Wrestling
**[07:12] Guy**
* The bloody death match of Chibita*
* Pro Wresting is about to begin.*
**[07:16] Guy**
* If you can defeat this ultimate wrestler*
* Chibita-san chose himself,*
**[07:18] Guy**
*you can win one million yen!*
**[07:22] Guy**
*But we haven't had a single victor yet.*
**[07:24] Guy**
* When will someone appear*
* to break that record?*
**[07:27] Guy**
*And our contender tonight is...*
**[07:31] Guy**
*this man!*
**[07:35] Chibi**
Yeah, that guy's dead.
***SIGN*** Prize Money
**[07:38] Six**
Yeah, he is.
**[07:40] Kiku**
You can do it, mister!
**[07:43] Kiku**
Don't lose, mister!
**[07:47] Chibi**
Wh-Who's that cutie?
**[07:50] Chibi**
Hey! Who is she, you idjits?!
**[07:52] Chibi**
And why is she cheering
for a loser like that?
**[07:56] Chibi**
What's their relationship?!
**[07:56] Kiku**
You can do it!
**[07:59] Guy**
*And it's begun!*
**[08:03] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:07] Iyami**
Sheh! Sh-Sh-Sheh!
**[08:14] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:28] Guy**
*And there you have it.*
**[08:32] Iyami**
Special technique...
**[08:34] Iyami**
Sheeeh Hold!
**[08:38] Guy**
*Oh, it looks like the tables have turned!*
**[08:40] Guy**
* Is he going to give up?*
* Will Iyami finally win the one million?*
**[08:45] Kiku**
Mister!
**[08:47] Chibi**
Give me that!
**[08:48] Chibi**
You pauper! Who do you think you are?!
**[08:53] Iyami**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[08:55] Iyami**
My eyes!
**[09:05] Guy**
*And this time, the match is over for good.*
**[09:10] Iyami**
Me is so mad! Me was so close!
**[09:14] Iyami**
That stupid runt!
**[09:16] Deka**
You just hit my head.
**[09:18] Iyami**
Me can't see!
**[09:21] Kiku**
Don't worry about me anymore, mister.
**[09:25] Iyami**
You can't give up.
**[09:27] Kiku**
Huh?
**[09:28] Iyami**
Me now fully understands your pain.
**[09:33] Iyami**
Me will cure your eyes, no matter what.
**[09:37] Deka**
That's me.
**[09:38] ---**
Thank you, mister!
**[09:40] ---**
That's me.
***SIGN*** Fruit
***SIGN*** Starving Town
***SIGN*** Starving Town
***SIGN*** Fruit
**[09:49] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[09:50] Guy**
Iyami is actually...
**[09:52] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[09:53] Lady**
...working?!
**[09:55] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[09:56] Guy**
He's doing actual work?!
**[09:59] People**
Sheeeh!
**[10:01] Toto**
I guess you just never know.
**[10:04] Toto**
Because that failure met that little girl,
he actually became a decent person.
**[10:08] Guy**
That's amazing... I'm impressed.
**[10:12] Chibi**
The hell's so great about that?
**[10:14] Chibi**
Like he could ever earn the money
for her treatment doing that.
**[10:17] Chibi**
The one who's going to cure that girl's
eyes is me, the filthy rich Chibita!
**[10:21] Six**
You got it, bro!
**[10:27] Kiku**
I don't want it.
**[10:29] Chibi**
Wh-Why?!
**[10:30] Chibi**
I really like you, so I want you
to use it however you want!
**[10:36] Kiku**
My beloved Uncle Iyami is going to fix my eyes.
**[10:40] Oso**
Hey, come on, now.
**[10:43] Oso**
You're just going to ignore Bro's kindness?
**[10:46] Choro**
Not to mention, Chibita-san's
way better than that poor—
**[10:49] Chibi**
Knock it off!
**[10:52] Chibi**
You actually believe in that guy?
**[10:57] Kiku**
Yes.
**[11:01] Chibi**
Sorry for wasting your time.
**[11:04] Chibi**
Come on, fellas.
**[11:05] Ichi**
Wait, are you sure?
**[11:07] Choro**
Chibita-san!
**[11:08] Jyu**
Bro!
***SIGN*** No
Trespassing
***SIGN*** Ramen
**[12:07] Iyami**
M-Me has now worked enough for a lifetime...
**[12:13] Iyami**
Now me doesn't have to work ever again.
**[12:17] Iyami**
Aren't you jealous?
**[12:22] Kiku**
Mister...
**[12:24] Iyami**
Use it.
**[12:28] Kiku**
Thank you...
**[12:29] Kiku**
Thank you so much!
**[12:35] Deka**
I-It's not enough...
**[12:38] Deka**
Considering your physical condition,
I'm going to be honest.
**[12:43] Deka**
This is nowhere near enough
to cure Okiku-chan's eyes.
**[12:51] Deka**
Even if I contribute my life savings...
**[12:55] Deka**
I received a message earlier.
**[12:57] Deka**
Dr. Kershaw will be leaving
Japan tomorrow night.
**[13:03] Deka**
So it's...
**[13:11] Kiku**
Mister—
**[13:12] Deka**
Hey!
**[13:13] Deka**
You can't push yourself any further!
**[13:24] Iyami**
Lend me some money, please! Me needs money!
**[13:30] Iyami**
Me begs you!
**[13:32] Iyami**
Help us! Please!
**[13:34] Son**
Dad...
**[13:34] Iyami**
Anybody, please! Help us!
**[13:37] Lady**
It's not like I can do anything...
**[13:40] Iyami**
Me is sorry for everything!
Me is really sorry!
**[13:44] Iyami**
So, please! Me needs money!
**[13:50] Iyami**
Me wants money!
***SIGN*** Chibita Building
**[14:13] All**
Bro!
***SIGN*** Starving Town
***SIGN*** Fruit
**[14:33] Oso**
Who has time for this?
**[14:35] Ichi**
Not me!
**[14:36] Choro**
That stupid runt!
Always treating us like trash.
**[14:40] Choro**
Apparently he's coming to town
with a ton of money again tonight.
**[14:43] Todo**
A ton of money?
**[14:45] Choro**
Yeah. One million, he said.
**[14:46] Both**
One million?!
**[14:48] Choro**
I hope someone just robs him blind!
**[14:51] Ichi**
He's so tiny that if someone robbed him,
**[14:52] Ichi**
they could probably run
off with the money quick!
**[14:54] Todo**
True!
**[14:57] Todo**
Hey, when's he coming by?
**[15:00] Choro**
Oh, I think he said...
**[15:11] Iyami**
M-Money... G-Give me your money...
**[15:15] Chibi**
Hey.
**[15:15] Six**
Yes?
**[15:17] Chibi**
He's not attacking at all.
**[15:19] Chibi**
The heck's going on?
**[15:21] Ichi**
He's really scared.
**[15:22] ---**
Totally scared.
**[15:23] Iyami**
Y-Your money...
**[15:24] Todo**
Hey...
**[15:25] Todo**
Wouldn't it have been easier to just
give him the money, Chibita-san?
**[15:29] Chibi**
You idjit! There'd be no point then!
**[15:32] Chibi**
Okiku-chan wants *him* to cure her eyes!
**[15:35] Chibi**
Osomatsu, go.
**[15:36] Oso**
What?!
**[15:37] Chibi**
We'll never get anywhere at this rate.
**[15:40] chibi**
Put on some act so he can
easily take this money.
**[15:44] Oso**
What? Seriously?
**[15:48] Iyami**
G-Give me your money!
**[15:50] Oso**
A robber!
**[15:52] Oso**
I'm scared! No!
**[15:54] Chibi**
How bad are you?!
**[15:55] Jyu**
A robber! I'm not gonna fight back!
**[15:59] Jyu**
He can take all my money!
**[16:00] Chibi**
You suck!
**[16:02] Kara**
I give up. Just take this money
and cure Okiku-chan's eyes.
**[16:06] Chibi**
You're not supposed to say that, you idjit!
**[16:09] All**
We're surrounded by idiots!
**[16:11] Chibi**
Oh, forget this!
**[16:15] Chibi**
Y-You got me!
**[16:17] Six**
You got us!
**[16:25] Chibi**
Okay, good. Now...
**[16:30] Chibi**
He's already...
**[16:36] Police**
What's wrong?
**[16:36] Chibi**
It's the fuzz!
**[16:39] All**
Oh, crap!
**[16:42] Guy**
Th-That money! Did you...
**[16:45] All**
No, no, no, no, no!
**[16:47] All**
You've got the wrong idea!
**[16:49] Popo**
There's a robber!
**[16:51] All**
You've got it all wrong!
**[16:55] Popo**
Stay back!
**[16:57] Popo**
Leave this to us!
**[17:01] Chibi**
H-How did it end up like this? Damn it!
**[17:05] Chibi**
Someone save us!
**[17:14] Guy**
You again?!
**[17:15] Guy**
How dare you go...
**[17:16] Guy**
...stealing other people's stuff again?!
**[17:18] Toto**
We're going to get you this time!
**[17:20] All**
Iyami!
**[17:25] Popo**
No, uh, it's okay now. We caught the robber.
**[17:33] Popo**
H-Hey...
**[17:34] Guy**
Just one moment. He's been a
nuisance to us for a long time!
**[17:38] Lady**
Let us get him back!
**[17:40] Popo**
What are you—
**[17:41] Dayon**
He dropped something.
**[17:43] Popo**
Deal with that later.
**[17:45] Popo**
It stinks!
**[17:46] Hata**
Have some candy, jo.
**[17:47] Popo**
Move!
**[17:48] Toto**
You're so cute. Let's go on a date.
**[17:51] Popo**
Hey...
**[17:51] Guy**
Iyami!
**[18:03] Chibi**
E-Everyone...
**[18:08] Todo**
Iyami!
**[18:10] Jyushi**
You have to hurry!
**[18:11] Kara**
The doctor from America is
leaving on the train, isn't he?
**[18:13] Oso**
We can go deliver this money—
**[18:16] Chibi**
No!
**[18:18] Chibi**
Hey, get up.
**[18:20] Chibi**
Run! Okiku-chan's waiting
for you at the station!
**[18:29] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit!
**[18:30] Chibi**
You promised her, didn't you?!
**[18:51] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:03] Iyami**
The money's mine! Sheeeh!
**[19:06] All**
Iyami!
**[19:17] Popo**
There he is!
**[19:18] Popo**
Hold it!
**[19:39] ---**
Halt!
***SIGN*** Some Years Later
***SIGN*** Sunrise Cafeteria
***SIGN*** No Trespassing
***SIGN*** Iyami
***SIGN*** Iyami Flower Boutique
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Ichi**
You guys know this, don't you?
**[23:41] Ichi**
You're not supposed to
give chocolate to cats.
**[23:43] Ichi**
This is really important.
**[23:45] Ichi**
But you know...
**[23:46] Ichi**
No one ever said you can't
give *me* any chocolates.
***SIGN*** "Ventriloquism" "Valentine's Day" etc.
**[23:50] Ichi**
Well?
**[23:51] Ichi**
Well? Well?!
# E19 - President Dekapan / Ventriloquism / Valentine's Day
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR24KMV56/president-dekapan--ventriloquism--valentines-day)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Crowd**
Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!
***SIGN*** Dekapan
**[00:09] Crowd**
Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan!
**[00:12] Deka**
*I did it! I became the president!*
**[00:17] Deka**
*I never thought I'd actually win.*
**[00:21] Deka**
* I guess running in an election on a whim*
* is worth trying now and then.*
***SIGN*** Dekapan
**[00:25] Deka**
I'm the new president, Dekapan.
***SIGN*** "President Dekapan"
**[00:35] Todo**
Listen, President Dekapan.
**[00:37] Todo**
This isn't the time to be so merry.
**[00:39] Todo**
Being president means the people will
expect you to carry out their wishes.
**[00:44] Todo**
Then there's the prosperity of our nation,
good relations with other countries...
**[00:47] Todo**
Not to mention keeping
an eye on world affairs.
**[00:51] Todo**
Listen very carefully, Mr. President.
Politics is basically a vessel.
**[00:55] Todo**
Let me remind you again that
popularity is everything.
**[00:55] Sign**
Top Secret
**[00:58] Todo**
But that doesn't just mean
you have to be likable.
**[01:01] Todo**
You need to have a broad perspective.
**[01:04] Todo**
Please listen! I'll say this one more time!
**[01:06] Todo**
Just because you became president,
**[01:08] Todo**
this isn't the time to be so merry!
**[01:12] Todo**
Are you listening, Mr. President?!
**[01:14] Todo**
I mean, and let me say this
again about politics...
**[01:17] Todo**
Again, *again*, this isn't
the time to be merry!
**[01:21] Todo**
Being president means
**[01:23] Todo**
the people will expect you
to carry out their wishes.
**[01:25] Todo**
Then there's the prosperity of our nation
and good relations with other countries,
**[01:29] Todo**
not to mention keeping
an eye on world affairs...
**[01:33] Todo**
Are you listening, Mr. President?!
**[01:35] Todo**
What are you doing, Mr. President?!
**[01:36] Deka**
What's that button for?
**[01:38] Todo**
It does absolutely nothing.
**[01:40] Deka**
I want to push it.
**[01:41] Todo**
Absolutely not!
**[01:43] Todo**
This button is just meant to be here.
**[01:45] Todo**
Its sole purpose is to be here.
**[01:48] Deka**
But I'm so curious.
**[01:50] Deka**
I wanna push it.
**[01:52] Deka**
Please?
**[01:56] Todo**
All right, I get it.
**[01:58] Todo**
Please just settle for this toy button.
**[02:08] Deka**
This is so calming.
**[02:13] Todo**
I guess you can be pretty cute
sometimes, Mr. President.
**[02:19] Todo**
I said no!
**[02:20] Deka**
I wanna push it!
**[02:21] Todo**
No!
**[02:21] Deka**
Wanna push! Wanna push the button!
**[02:25] Deka**
Let me push it!
**[02:29] Todo**
You dumbass!
**[02:36] Todo**
You can't be serious. Who the hell
picked this guy to be president?
**[02:40] Deka**
Is there no way you'll let me push it?
**[02:42] Todo**
No means no!
**[02:42] Deka**
Okay, I won't push it. But let me at
least lick the very top of the button.
**[02:48] Todo**
The hell?! What are you talking about?
**[02:51] Deka**
Just the top.
**[02:52] Todo**
Just the top?
**[02:58] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[03:04] Deka**
This is so calming.
**[03:08] Todo**
This is disturbing.
**[03:11] Deka**
I-I can't hold back anymore!
**[03:16] Todo**
I told you no, you cueball!
You freak in underwear!
**[03:19] Deka**
Just once!
**[03:21] Todo**
And that once would end everything!
**[03:23] Deka**
Let me push it!
**[03:24] Todo**
No!
**[03:25] Deka**
Let me do it!
**[03:25] Todo**
No!
**[03:26] Deka**
Just let me do it once!
**[03:27] Todo**
No! Seriously, who the hell
elected you president?!
**[03:32] Both**
Oh.
**[03:41] Todo**
Aw... There it goes.
**[03:44] Deka**
I didn't get to push it.
**[03:50] Todo**
Aw... And now it's coming back.
**[03:53] Deka**
I really wanted to push it.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Ventriloquism
**[05:30] Iyami**
Come one, come all!
***SIGN*** Ventriloquism
Show
**[05:34] Iyami**
We have a super fun
ventriloquism show for you!
**[05:37] Kid**
What's that?
**[05:42] Iyami**
Let's start off with introductions.
**[05:44] Chibi**
My name's Chibisuke!
**[05:46] Hata**
My name's Hatarou.
**[05:49] Chibi**
And the two of us are...
**[05:50] Both**
Chibihata-chan.
**[05:52] Chib**
Nice to meet ya.
**[05:53] Hata**
Nice to meet you, jo.
**[05:56] Kid**
That's amazing!
**[05:57] Kid**
That guy's mouth isn't moving at all!
**[05:59] Kid**
It's perfect ventriloquism!
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[06:03] Chib**
* So easy, you idjits!*
* They totally fell for it.*
**[06:06] Iyami**
*Children are the easiest to fool.*
**[06:10] Hata**
*Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.*
**[06:16] Chib**
Hey, Hatarou-kun.
**[06:18] Hata**
What is it, Chibisuke-kun?
**[06:20] Chib**
What's your favorite food, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:23] Hata**
Um...
**[06:24] Iyami**
Oh, don't you like oden, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:28] Chib**
Oden, huh?
**[06:30] Chib**
Wait, that's mine. Get it right.
**[06:33] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[06:35] Iyami**
That hurt! Why'd you hit me, Hatarou-kun?
**[06:39] Hata**
I'm not the one who hit you, jo.
**[06:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:44] Iyami**
This is so confusing.
**[06:46] Iyami**
Who's who, and who's talking right now?
**[06:50] Both**
It's all you.
**[06:52] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:54] Iyami**
Oh, that's right.
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[07:02] Jyu**
This is awesome!
**[07:04] Chib**
*We're gonna have yakiniku tonight!*
**[07:06] Iyami**
* Don't forget the*
* all-you-can-drink beverages.*
**[07:08] Chib**
*We'll add in dessert...*
**[07:09] Iyami**
*...and some bathing beauties.*
**[07:12] Hata**
*Ventriloquism is so fun, jo.*
**[07:14] Hata**
Jo!
**[07:16] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo... Jo...
**[07:19] Hata**
I gotta pee, jo.
**[07:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:23] Iyami**
What?!
**[07:24] Hata**
I'm gonna pee!
**[07:25] Iyami**
J-J-Just hold it.
We're in the middle of a show.
**[07:29] Chibi**
Now that you mention it...
**[07:34] Chibi**
Now I need to poop, too.
**[07:37] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Just hold it!
**[07:41] Chibi**
It's coming! It's coming!
**[07:43] Iyami**
Hey!
**[07:47] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:52] Chibi**
The hell...
**[07:55] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[07:57] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[07:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:02] Kid**
That's awesome!
**[08:03] Kid**
Did they all just speak at once?
**[08:03] Bg**
Amazing!
**[08:05] Kid**
I've never seen anything like this!
**[08:11] Oil**
Oh, you look like you're having fun.
**[08:16] Kid**
Hey, it's an oil magnate!
**[08:19] Oil**
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm the Oil Magnate.
**[08:22] Oil**
Mr. Ventriloquist... Please display
those amazing skills at my party.
**[08:27] Oil**
I will pay you handsomely.
***SIGN*** Viewing fee
**[08:31] All**
Sheeeh!
**[08:34] Chibi**
All right! You idjits! Damn it!
**[08:35] Hata**
This is mine, jo!
**[08:37] Iyami**
Sheeeh! It belongs to me!
**[08:39] Chibi**
Let go!
**[08:40] Hata**
It's mine, jo.
**[08:41] Iyami**
Whose idea do you think this was?!
**[08:43] Chibi**
You didn't even do anything!
**[08:45] Hata**
Mine!
**[08:55] Three**
Yeah!
**[08:56] Kid**
Who do you think you're messing with?!
**[09:01] Jyu**
Damn it! They tricked me!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Valentine's Day"
***SIGN*** February
**[10:40] Girl**
Did you make reservations for today?
**[10:42] Girl2**
Yeah. This place is super popular,
so it wasn't easy.
**[10:46] Girl**
Thanks for doing that.
**[10:51] Oso**
It's finally here... Valentine's Day.
**[10:55] Oso**
Well, it's not like I want
chocolate that bad, anyway.
**[10:59] Oso**
Right, Choromatsu?
**[11:01] Choro**
Of course I don't want any.
We're adults now.
**[11:04] Choro**
It's not like I'd get all excited about
chocolate, nor do I like it that much.
***SIGN*** A lifestyle magazine for guys who want to graduate someday
***SIGN*** Collector's Issue
***SIGN*** Complete list of jackets to make you popular
***SIGN*** Just before Valentine's Day Special!!
**[11:09] Choro**
I mean, we can just buy
some chocolate anytime.
**[11:13] Jyu**
Well said!
**[11:14] Ichi**
Wow, you're so calm.
**[11:16] Kara**
Don't make me fall for you, brother!
**[11:21] Oso**
We don't need chocolate at our age, anyway.
**[11:24] All**
Nope, we don't.
**[11:26] Oso**
We don't want any, right?
**[11:27] All**
Nope!
**[11:31] Ichi**
So, what about you, Todomatsu?
**[11:32] Todo**
Hmm?
**[11:33] Ichi**
You haven't said a word.
Do you want chocolate?
**[11:38] Todo**
Of course I want some.
***SIGN*** News on How to Be Popular
You'll definitely be popular if you read this!
How to definitely get 5 Valentine's chocolates
**[11:40] Todo**
True, I don't get excited about chocolate,
nor do I like it that much...
***SIGN*** You definitely want to get chocolates from girls on Valentine's Day, but the reality is it's hard for loser guys to get any chocolate.
**[11:46] Todo**
And I can buy it whenever I want.
**[11:48] Todo**
But who doesn't want to get chocolates
from a cute girl on Valentine's Day?
**[11:56] Todo**
H-Huh... What?
**[11:58] Oso**
Just say that you don't want any chocolate.
**[12:01] Todo**
Huh? What do you mean?
**[12:03] Oso**
I'm saying...
**[12:05] Oso**
We were all just saying how
we don't want any chocolate
**[12:08] Oso**
to avoid thinking about the cruel reality.
**[12:10] Oso**
This is like group self-defense.
**[12:12] Todo**
What are you talking about?
**[12:13] Todo**
Wait, then don't you guys want
chocolates on Valentine's Day?
**[12:17] Five**
Of course we do!
**[12:18] Kara**
Totty! We want some so bad,
we'd be willing to die for it!
**[12:21] Kara**
That's why we're like this!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu Choco
**[12:22] Choro**
I even want to change my name
from Choromatsu to Chocomatsu!
**[12:25] Jyu**
Chocomatsu!
**[12:26] Todo**
Huh?
**[12:27] Sign**
Today's question:
How do you get
Valentine's Day chocolates?
***SIGN*** Third issue:
We ask our graduated
senpai Shouei!
***SIGN*** "Now's the time to let it all out."
**[12:28] Oso**
All right, that's it.
**[12:30] Oso**
We'll never get any chocolates this way.
**[12:34] Oso**
So I'm... going to go outside.
**[12:37] All**
Go outside?!
**[12:37] Oso**
I'm going to go outside and get
some chocolate from some girl.
**[12:41] Oso**
I'm definitely going to get some this year!
**[12:46] Todo**
Me, too!
**[12:47] Todo**
I'm going to go outside, too,
and get some chocolates!
**[12:50] Choro**
I'll go outside, too.
**[12:51] Jyushi**
Me, too!
**[12:52] Kara**
And me!
**[12:54] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[12:57] Ichi**
All right.
**[12:58] Ichi**
Let's go out this Valentine's Day.
**[13:03] Kara**
How about that? We're definitely
different this year!
**[13:07] Oso**
All right. Let's see who can
get some chocolates first!
**[13:11] Oso**
Go!
**[13:12] Todo**
Wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[13:15] Ichi**
No fair getting a head start.
**[13:17] Jyu**
I'm not gonna lose!
**[13:19] Kara**
I'm gonna get some chocolates!
**[13:20] Choro**
Let's give it our all!
**[13:28] All**
I'm definitely not going to lose!
**[13:40] Guy**
Really?
**[13:57] Choro**
*We went outside...*
**[13:59] Choro**
*But how are we supposed to get chocolates?*
**[14:04] All**
Oh, yeah!
**[14:06] All**
Please! Give us some chocolates!
**[14:08] Toto**
Please! I can't!
**[14:10] All**
Please! Give us some chocolates!
**[14:12] Toto**
I can't!
**[14:13] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:14] Toto**
Can't!
**[14:15] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:15] Toto**
Get a clue!
**[14:16] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:16] Toto**
Get a clue!
**[14:18] All**
Chocolates!
**[14:19] Toto**
Go home, you dumbasses!
**[14:21] All**
Chocolates!
***SIGN*** Uochuu
***SIGN*** Valentine's Specials
**[14:36] Oso**
M-Mom... C-Could you...
**[14:40] Kara**
I-It's all over if we rely on Mother...
**[14:52] Girl**
This is cute!
**[14:53] Girl**
Yeah, it is!
**[14:58] Girl**
This is homemade, so I don't
know how good it is, but...
**[15:02] Jyu**
Bring it on! Bring it on!
***SIGN*** Aida
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Sachiko
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Chocolate Wanted
***SIGN*** You can't have my cat
***SIGN*** Chocolate desired
***SIGN*** Chocolate
wanted
**[15:40] Oso**
Guys, how'd it go? Did you get any?
**[15:51] Kara**
Damn it!
**[15:53] Todo**
Damn it all!
**[15:55] Oso**
I didn't get any again this year!
**[15:57] Jyu**
Am I a monk or what?!
**[15:58] Kara**
I seriously don't understand... I'm so cool.
**[16:01] Choro**
All the girls in this world are stupid!
**[16:04] Ichi**
Why did we even have any hope?
**[16:07] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[16:10] Jyu**
Ch-Chocolate... I want chocolate... Chocolate...
**[16:15] Jyu**
Chocolate... chocolate...
**[16:15] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[16:16] Todo**
That's not chocolate! That's dog shit!
**[16:18] Jyush**
Chocolate! Chocolate... Chocolate!
**[16:20] Todo**
That's dog shit! It's dog shit!
**[16:28] Oso**
I'm... not giving up yet.
**[16:31] Oso**
I'm definitely going to get
some chocolate this year.
**[17:07] Six**
So cute!
**[17:09] ---**
It is cute.
**[17:12] Six**
We did it!
**[17:15] Six**
Yeah!
**[17:17] Six**
It's done!
**[17:18] Jyu**
Huge success!
**[17:26] Kara**
Choromatsu.
**[17:28] Kara**
Today's Valentine's Day.
**[17:31] Kara**
Here.
**[17:32] Choro**
What? For me?
**[17:34] Kara**
Yeah.
**[17:35] Kara**
I'm so much more confident because I have
an uncool younger brother like you.
**[17:42] Kara**
Thanks for everything.
**[17:45] Choro**
You didn't have to.
**[17:46] Jyushi**
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
**[17:48] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu.
**[17:50] Ichi**
Here.
**[17:51] Jyu**
What?! For me?!
**[17:53] Ichi**
In our daily boring, uneventful lives as NEETS,
**[17:57] Ichi**
it's refreshing to have a
psy***path like you around.
**[18:00] Ichi**
Thanks for everything.
**[18:02] Jyu**
You didn't have to.
**[18:05] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[18:08] Ichi**
For a guy like me?!
**[18:09] Oso**
I'm pretty sure you'll never end up happier
than me in life, which puts me at ease.
**[18:16] Oso**
Thanks.
**[18:19] Ichi**
Thanks...
**[18:20] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[18:22] Kara**
Wow, wow, wow!
**[18:24] Jyu**
I'm really stupid,
**[18:25] Jyu**
but I'm pretty sure you're a
hundred times dumber than me!
**[18:30] Jyu**
Thanks!
**[18:31] Kara**
Oh, stop it.
**[18:33] Choro**
Hey, you, Trashmatsu.
**[18:36] Oso**
Finally!
**[18:38] Choro**
When are you going to die?
I'm waiting, you know.
**[18:40] Oso**
You're too kind.
**[18:42] Todo**
Hey, Totty!
**[18:44] Todo**
What is it, Totty?
**[18:46] Todo**
Here.
**[18:47] Todo**
What? For me?!
**[18:49] Todo**
Thank you for always being so cute.
**[18:51] Todo**
You're so honest! Everyone loves you!
**[18:54] Todo**
I love you.
**[18:55] Todo**
I love you, too.
**[18:58] Oso**
Well, let's dig in!
**[19:00] All**
Let's dig in!
**[19:04] Choro**
So good!
**[19:06] Jyu**
Yum!
**[19:07] Todo**
I'm in heaven!
**[19:10] Oso**
This is the best!
**[19:12] Oso**
Man, thank goodness! We actually
got chocolates this year.
**[19:17] All**
Yeah!
**[19:18] Oso**
We're so popular!
**[19:19] Five**
Yeah!
**[19:20] Todo**
Thank goodness!
**[19:29] Todo**
Thanks!
**[19:31] Choro**
I'm finally Chocomatsu!
**[19:32] Jyu**
So sweet!
**[19:34] Ichi**
It is.
**[19:37] Six**
So sweet!
**[19:38] Six**
This is the best!
**[19:47] Oso**
You're gross!
**[19:49] Choro**
You're super gross!
**[19:50] Todo**
This is too tragic!
**[19:51] Ichi**
Don't look down on me, you bastard!
**[19:53] Jyu**
Like you can talk!
**[19:55] Kara**
Like *you* can talk!
**[19:55] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[20:16] Jyu**
Are there any guys with chocolate here?
**[20:19] Five**
Anyone?
**[20:21] Person**
They're currently 40% off...
**[20:23] Jyu**
Are there any guys selling chocolate?
**[20:26] Five**
Anyone?
**[20:28] Jyu**
Are there any guys that'll
sell us chocolate?
**[20:31] Five**
Are there?
***SIGN*** Cote d'Ivoire
**[20:48] Jyu**
Kill the cacao!
**[20:50] Five**
Kill it!
**[20:52] All**
Kill them all!
**[20:54] Oso**
Die, cacao!
**[20:56] Kara**
Die, cacao!
**[20:57] Choro**
Take that!
**[21:01] Todo**
Chocolate should just
disappear from this world!
**[21:04] Jyu**
Die, cacao!
**[21:06] Five**
Die, cacao!
**[21:08] Jyu**
Die!
**[21:08] Five**
Die!
**[21:10] Six**
Die, die, die!
***SIGN*** End
**[22:45] Choro**
We ended up with extra time again.
What the heck?
**[22:50] Choro**
Well, let's do this.
**[22:52] Choro**
Wait, it's these two?
**[22:54] Toto**
Totoko...
**[22:55] Nya**
...and Nyaa's...
**[22:56] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[22:57] Both**
The Story of Snow White That
Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere.
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
The Story of Snow White
That Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere
**[23:04] Toto**
Now, I'm going to ask this
mirror some stupid questions!
**[23:09] Toto**
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the cutest of them all?
**[23:14] Nya**
That'd be Snow White.
**[23:16] Toto**
Huh?
**[23:17] Nya**
Snow White. Not you.
**[23:19] Toto**
Huh?! You've got some guts!
**[23:21] Toto**
You better watch that mouth!
Who the hell's the cutest girl in this world?!
**[23:26] Nya**
I just told you, it's Snow White!
**[23:28] Toto**
I just asked you who that is!
**[23:29] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:30] Toto**
Who?!
**[23:31] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:32] Toto**
Who?!
**[23:33] Nya**
Snow White!
**[23:34] Nya**
This story's never gonna get anywhere
if you can't accept that!
**[23:38] Toto**
Like I care, you dumbass!
**[23:40] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[23:41] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[23:43] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Tidbits Collection 2"
# E20 - Tidbits Collection 2
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR9VG55D6/tidbits-collection-2)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] Ann**
And now, what you've all been waiting for!
**[00:07] Ann**
I wonder what's going to happen tonight.
**[00:09] Ann**
The TV anime, *Mr. Osomatsu*!
**[00:13] Iya**
Good evening, everyone!
**[00:15] Crowd**
Good evening!
**[00:17] Iya**
It's time for the anime, *Mr. Osomatsu*!
**[00:21] All**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[00:23] All**
Sheeeh!
**[00:27] Iya**
You're all on point tonight.
**[00:31] Iya**
Now, here's tonight's guest: Dayon-san.
**[00:35] Dayon**
I'm looking forward to it.
**[00:36] ---**
Thanks for being here.
**[00:38] Iya**
All right, let's get things going! Roll the clip!
**[00:43] All**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** "Matsu Buns"
**[02:18] Chibi**
Meat buns! They're hot and delicious!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Meat Buns
Cards Accepted
**[02:22] Chibi**
Try one!
**[02:24] Chibi**
Oden's great, but you need to
have meat buns once in a while.
**[02:27] Chibi**
But they're no ordinary meat buns...
**[02:30] Chibi**
I heard they sell, so I did
a little collaboration.
**[02:36] Chibi**
Ta-da! Sextuplet buns!
**[02:41] Chibi**
What? No one's interested?
**[02:45] Chibi**
The heck? This isn't what I heard.
**[02:49] Chibi**
Guess they're not as popular anymore, idjits.
**[02:53] Chibi**
Nah, it's too early to give up.
You've gotta take a look inside.
**[02:59] Chibi**
First, there's Oso-bun. Ta-da!
**[03:04] Chibi**
It's filled with beer.
It tastes super weird.
**[03:07] Chibi**
Ichi-bun! Ta-da!
**[03:11] Chibi**
It's filled with poison.
If you eat it, you'll die instantly.
**[03:14] Chibi**
Jyushi-bun! Ta-da!
**[03:17] Chibi**
The universe. Eat it,
and you'll be baked instantly.
**[03:20] Chibi**
Kara-bun! Ta-da!
**[03:23] Chibi**
There's nothing inside.
**[03:25] Chibi**
Todo-bun! Ta-da!
**[03:27] Chibi**
It's also empty!
**[03:28] Chibi**
Choro!
**[03:29] Chibi**
Nothing!
**[03:35] Chibi**
Who in the hell...
**[03:37] Chibi**
is going to buy meat buns
like these, you idjits?!
***SIGN*** End
**[03:39] Chibi**
You shitty NEETs!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Tax Return"
**[03:57] Jyu**
What are you doing, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[04:00] Choro**
I'm filing my taxes.
**[04:02] Jyu**
Huh?
**[04:09] Jyu**
What'cha doin'?
**[04:11] Choro**
I told you, I'm filing my taxes.
***SIGN*** All You Need to Do Your Taxes
**[04:13] Jyu**
You're filing your taxes?
**[04:15] Choro**
You have to do them around
this time of year.
**[04:17] Choro**
We're unemployed NEETs,
so we have to at least file our taxes.
**[04:21] Choro**
It's embarrassing if you don't.
**[04:24] Jyu**
Filing your taxes...
**[04:26] Jyu**
What does that mean again?
**[04:27] Choro**
You don't know?!
**[04:29] Jyu**
Yeah, I think I should know what it is,
but I'm getting confused.
**[04:33] Choro**
Honestly, you're so helpless.
**[04:34] Choro**
When you file your taxes,
you do something taxing, then file it.
**[04:38] Jyu**
Huh?
**[04:39] Choro**
First, you do something taxing,
and then you file it.
**[04:44] Jyu**
Huh?
**[04:44] Choro**
I looked into it.
There's a white form, a blue form,
***SIGN*** Heisei Year 29 Green Form
**[04:50] Choro**
and, in my case, I use this green form.
**[04:53] Choro**
Man, things just don't seem
to be adding up, though.
**[04:56] Choro**
I just want to hurry up and file this.
**[04:58] Choro**
We're adults now,
so we have to do these properly.
**[05:01] Choro**
I mean, we don't have jobs,
so we should at least do this.
**[05:05] Choro**
I'm so responsible. So great.
**[05:07] Choro**
All right, I'm gonna go ahead
and get these taxes filed.
**[05:11] Choro**
I'm so responsible! So proper!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Karapino"
**[05:21] Guy**
*Karapino.*
**[05:23] Guy**
*Once upon a time, at a certain toy store,
there was a boy doll named Karapino.*
***SIGN*** Toy Store
**[05:30] Guy**
* Karapino was very proud of his nose,*
* and he had a very unique feature.*
***SIGN*** Toy Store
**[05:38] Guy**
*And that was...*
**[05:40] Girl**
Oh, a doll.
**[05:42] Girl**
How cute!
**[05:50] Guy**
*Whenever Karapino got too excited,
his branch down below would grow.*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Wallet"
**[06:03] Oso**
What the...?
**[06:05] Oso**
My wallet's missing!
**[06:06] Oso**
It's gone! The wallet I put right here is gone!
**[06:09] Todo**
What? I haven't seen it.
**[06:11] Oso**
I had 30,000 in there from
winning at pachinko yesterday!
**[06:15] All**
What?!
**[06:17] Ichi**
30,000?!
**[06:18] Jyu**
That much?
**[06:22] Oso**
One of you took it, didn't you?
**[06:23] All**
Huh?
**[06:24] Oso**
You took my wallet, didn't you?!
**[06:26] Oso**
Who was it? Fess up!
**[06:27] Choro**
Wait, calm down. No one took it.
**[06:30] Oso**
Yes, you did!
**[06:31] Choro**
We didn't.
**[06:32] Oso**
You did!
**[06:32] Choro**
And I'm telling you, we didn't.
**[06:34] Oso**
You liar! I mean, if I found a wallet with
30,000 in it, I'd definitely take it!
**[06:40] Choro**
Don't compare us to you, you dumbass!
**[06:43] Oso**
That's enough. Just be
honest and come forward.
**[06:46] Oso**
I won't get mad.
**[06:47] Oso**
Who took it?
**[06:56] Oso**
Is that your ploy?
**[06:59] Oso**
So you're all going to play dumb,
and split the money later.
**[07:03] Oso**
That's so cruel!
I'm so disappointed in you guys!
**[07:05] Oso**
If I'd taken it, I'd honestly say I did it!
**[07:09] Oso**
You guys suck!
**[07:11] Oso**
You guys aren't my brothers anymore!
**[07:13] Oso**
Are you listening, you heartless
bastards?! You scum!
**[07:15] Oso**
This is exactly why no one gives you
Valentine's chocolates! You idiots!
**[07:18] Oso**
Morons! Die, you morons!
**[07:21] Oso**
Morons!
**[07:22] Kara**
Osomatsu!
**[07:23] Oso**
What?!
**[07:24] Kara**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[07:26] Oso**
What?!
**[07:26] Kara**
It's in your back pocket.
**[07:28] Oso**
Huh?!
**[07:29] Kara**
It's in your back pocket...
**[07:31] Oso**
Wha?
**[07:36] Oso**
*I had it all along!*
**[07:38] Oso**
* And I said terrible things*
* to those innocent bastards!*
**[07:42] Oso**
Oh, shit...
**[07:43] Kara**
The hell are you doing?!
**[07:45] Oso**
Well, if the tables were turned,
I'd totally take the wallet!
**[07:49] Oso**
I totally thought you guys took it!
**[07:51] Kara**
Osomatsu, we're not like you.
**[07:53] Oso**
You say that so calmly, but...
**[07:56] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[07:58] Todo**
Here.
**[08:00] Todo**
You can have this.
**[08:01] Todo**
I didn't take your wallet, but I feel bad.
**[08:05] Oso**
No, no, no! It's okay!
**[08:06] Oso**
I can't take this.
**[08:08] Todo**
Don't be shy.
**[08:10] Ichi**
Me, too.
**[08:10] Oso**
Huh?
**[08:12] Ichi**
You can have my life savings.
**[08:15] Oso**
No, really, it's okay! Give me a break!
**[08:18] Choro**
You can sell part of my
collection to a pawn shop.
**[08:21] Oso**
Have mercy!
**[08:22] Oso**
Please! It's okay!
**[08:24] Jyu**
You can sell my glove and bat, too.
**[08:26] Oso**
Stop!
**[08:28] Oso**
I can't take this! My heart hurts!
**[08:32] Oso**
I'm gonna die! Have mercy!
**[08:33] Oso**
Really, it's okay! I'm sorry!
**[08:36] Oso**
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
**[08:39] Kara**
And you only had 500 yen instead of 30,000!
**[08:44] Oso**
I'm sho shorry!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Pollen"
**[08:55] Oso**
Man, I'm so bored.
**[08:56] Lady**
*This week should be mostly sunny.*
**[08:58] Todo**
Yeah...
**[09:00] Lady**
*Next, we have information regarding pollen.*
***SIGN*** How is the Japanese Cedar pollen this year?
**[09:03] Lady**
*The pollen this year*
**[09:05] Lady**
*will be 8,000 times worse than last year.*
**[09:08] Both**
8,000 times?!
**[09:09] Todo**
Huh?!
**[09:21] Jyu**
It's coming in!
**[09:23] Oso**
Why is it 8,000 times?!
What the hell's going on, Earth?!
**[09:28] Choro**
Hey! I can't see a thing!
**[09:30] Choro**
Who are you?!
**[09:31] Ichi**
Who are *you*?
**[09:32] Choro**
I wanna go home! Where's home?
**[09:33] Ichi**
Which way is it?
**[09:35] Kara**
I'm home...
**[09:56] Jyu**
My nose won't stop running. Help me!
**[10:02] Kara**
Crap! My brain's gonna fly out!
**[10:04] Kara**
It actually did!
**[10:06] Choro**
My eyes itch!
**[10:12] Choro**
That's much better!
**[10:14] Todo**
My nose itches!
**[10:19] Todo**
That's much better!
**[10:20] Oso**
My dick itches!
**[10:24] Todo**
I think that's a different sickness.
**[10:26] Jyu**
My nose... My nose won't stop running!
**[10:33] All**
Jyushimatsu!
**[10:35] Oso**
Crap! Jyushimatsu turned into a snot man!
**[10:37] Todo**
He totally turned into a snot man!
**[10:40] Todo**
What the hell?!
**[10:45] Oso**
Yeah, he can't move. You're basically
finished once you end up like that.
**[10:51] Oso**
Yeah, we can't hear you at all.
You're basically finished, bro.
**[10:57] Choro**
Ichimatsu!
**[11:03] Kara**
Choromatsu!
**[11:06] Todo**
Osomatsu-nii—
**[11:08] Kara**
Totty!
**[11:10] Kara**
H-How could this have happened, my brothers?
**[11:13] Kara**
Just wait! I'll save you al—
**[11:21] Jyu**
*This might actually be better.*
**[11:25] All**
*Yeah, it might be.*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Labyrinth"
**[11:37] Toto**
*Huh? A dead end?*
**[11:46] Toto**
*Another dead end?*
**[11:53] Toto**
* This is weird. I was just*
* taking a walk a minute ago...*
**[11:57] Toto**
*How did I end up in this labyrinth?*
**[11:59] Toto**
*Did someone kidnap me?*
**[12:01] Toto**
*Who would do such a thing, and why?*
**[12:07] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun!
**[12:12] Toto**
That's not Choromatsu-kun! What is that?!
**[12:16] Toto**
Hatabou!
**[12:19] Toto**
What is this?!
**[12:22] Toto**
No!
**[12:24] Toto**
Someone! Someone save me!
**[12:27] Toto**
Where's the exit? Where is it?
**[12:30] Toto**
S-Someone! Save me!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu the Raccoon"
**[13:44] Todo**
There aren't any more, okay?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu
Passes On"
**[13:58] Todo**
Say, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[14:00] Todo**
What is all that?
**[14:01] Todo**
Talk about cringe.
**[14:05] Todo**
You're too depressing, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[14:10] Todo**
What are you doing, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[14:13] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[14:15] Todo**
What exactly are you trying to do?
**[14:19] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you're gross.
**[14:22] Todo**
It's the middle of the night!
**[14:24] Todo**
Too depressing!
**[14:25] Todo**
Stop!
**[14:27] Todo**
Enough!
**[14:28] Todo**
Seriously!
**[14:29] Todo**
Stop! Stop!
**[14:32] Todo**
Argh! I just keep calling you people out!
**[14:38] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[14:39] Todo**
You haven't been calling anyone out,
so I've been stuck doing all of it!
**[14:41] Todo**
I'm done! Let me do stupid
stuff once in a while!
**[14:43] Todo**
I want to derp! I'm going to derp!
**[14:45] Todo**
Okay?! There!
**[14:52] All**
What?!
**[14:55] Todo**
Herpa derp derp.
**[14:59] Ichi**
T-Todomatsu?
**[15:00] Todo**
Derpty doo.
**[15:02] Choro**
Todomatsu? We're sorry.
**[15:04] Todo**
Derp.
**[15:05] Choro**
No, really. We're sorry.
**[15:07] Todo**
Derpa derp.
**[15:08] Kara**
Todomatsu!
**[15:09] Todo**
Derp?
**[15:11] Five**
Todomatsu!
**[15:13] Todo**
Herpa derpa derpity doo.
**[15:16] Five**
Todomatsu!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bread
**[15:25] Guy**
Well, hello, kids from Matsuno Kindergarten.
***SIGN*** 6th Month of Cleanliness
**[15:31] Kids**
Hello!
**[15:33] Guy**
You'll be touring our bread factory today.
Make sure you pay attention.
***SIGN*** "Field Trip"
**[15:38] Kids**
Okay!
**[15:40] Guy**
Okay, follow me. Make sure
you pay close attention.
**[15:43] Choro**
So cool!
**[15:45] Todo**
So much bread!
**[15:47] Guy**
Make sure you look carefully.
**[15:49] Kara**
Hey! It's the bread we get at snack time!
**[15:51] Oso**
You're right!
**[15:52] Guy**
I hope you learn something.
**[15:54] Jyu**
Wow, so that's how you make it!
**[15:56] Choro**
I had no idea!
**[15:58] Guy**
Look.
***SIGN*** Flour
**[16:00] Kara**
Wow!
**[16:00] Oso**
So cool!
***SIGN*** What is bread made of? -Wheat -Yeast -Water
**[16:02] Todo**
We're learning stuff!
***SIGN*** Yummy Bread
***SIGN*** No Running
in the Factory!
**[16:14] Kids**
Bye-bye!
***SIGN*** Watch out for cars
**[16:16] Guy**
All right, that ends our tour.
Did you all learn how to make bread?
**[16:21] Kids**
Yup!
**[16:23] Guy**
What is bread made out of?
**[16:25] Kids**
Flour!
**[16:26] Guy**
What do you mix into the dough?
**[16:28] Kids**
Yeast!
**[16:29] Guy**
What does croissant mean?
**[16:31] Kids**
Crescent moon!
**[16:33] Guy**
Very good! You got them all right!
**[16:35] Kids**
Yay!
**[16:38] Kids**
Huh?
**[16:40] Guy**
It looks like you kids learned too much.
**[16:44] Kids**
Huh?
**[16:46] Guy**
Now you're going to die.
**[16:48] Kids**
What?!
**[16:50] Oso**
B-But you told us to follow you, mister.
**[16:54] Guy**
There are things you're better
off not knowing in this world.
**[16:57] Guy**
Teaching you that was the
other goal of this field trip.
***SIGN*** End
**[17:02] Kids**
What?!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[17:10] Nar**
*At times, they're NEETs!*
***SIGN*** At times, they're NEETs!
**[17:13] Nar**
*At times, they're virgins!*
***SIGN*** At times, they're virgins!
**[17:16] Nar**
*But their true identities
are the heroes of justice!*
**[17:23] Nar**
* Today they'll once again get into their*
* iron Proper-Ranger and defeat evil!*
**[17:28] Oso**
Move out!
**[17:29] All**
Absolute Heroes! Proper-Rangers!
***SIGN*** Absolute Heroes
Proper-Rangers
***SIGN*** Proper-Rangers! Move out!
**[17:39] Todo**
So bored...
**[17:40] Oso**
Yeah...
**[17:54] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[18:01] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[18:08] Oso**
Hey, guys! We need to move
out in our Proper-Ranger!
**[18:11] All**
Roger!
**[18:28] Song**
*We still can't get enough*
**[18:30] Song**
*Of dreams, love, and desires*
**[18:33] Song**
*It's not just all about justice and courage*
**[18:39] Song**
*The established regularity
of the world will sustain us*
**[18:45] Song**
*The overflowing power we're
unleashing is proper!*
**[18:54] Toto**
Aren't the Proper-Rangers here yet?
**[18:56] Song**
*Properly combine*
**[18:59] Song**
*Properly attack*
**[19:01] Song**
*We'll change everything
ourselves if we have to*
**[19:07] Song**
*We're going to get our
hands on a proper future*
**[19:13] Song**
*With our proper lives*
**[19:35] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:37] Toto**
What's taking so long?!
**[19:54] Song**
*Properly transform*
**[19:56] Song**
*Properly take off*
**[19:58] Song**
*So we can take hold of our proper future*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Absolute Heroes
Proper-Rangers
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Skeleton"
**[20:27] Guy**
*This is the qualifier for the men's skeleton.*
**[20:33] Guy**
*Matsuno Osomatsu. He's known for his
performance in the latter half of his run.*
***SIGN*** Blondie Cup
Previous Records
Akatsuka Cup: Last place
Oden Cup: Last place
Otsu Cup: DNF
Sheeeh Cup:
Prohibited from entering
**[20:39] Guy**
*What kind of run will he show us today?*
**[20:43] Guy**
*He's about to begin.*
**[21:00] Guy**
*Uh-oh.*
**[21:03] Guy**
*Oh, dear...*
**[21:05] Guy**
*Oh, that's not good.*
**[21:08] Oso**
My nipples!
**[21:10] Oso**
My nipples!
**[21:12] Oso**
My dick! My dick!
**[21:36] Guy**
*Right, so... Our winner is Karapino.*
***SIGN*** End
**[21:39] Kara**
I did it!
**[23:17] Iya**
That's it for this week's *Mr. Osomatsu*.
**[23:20] iyA**
So, what did you think?
**[23:24] Dayo**
It was so-so.
**[23:26] All**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:31] Todo**
Todomatsu here.
**[23:33] Todo**
Next week's story is "NEET Correctional Facility,"
but can we just not talk about that?
**[23:38] Todo**
I just want avert my eyes from
reality as much as possible.
**[23:41] Todo**
I want to hide in the shadows
**[23:43] Todo**
of the other five and completely
ignore how much of a loser I am!
**[23:47] Todo**
Shit! Shit! You dumbasses!
***SIGN*** "BANANA" "NEET Correctional Facility" etc.
**[23:49] Todo**
Whoops! I lost my composure there.
Everything I just said was a lie.
# E21 - BANANA, NEET Correctional Facility, etc.
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRW4GPVKY/banana-neet-correctional-facility-etc)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya
***SIGN*** Jigae Pot
***SIGN*** "The Late Night Himatsuya"
**[00:11] Guy**
Paid in exact change.
**[00:14] Guy**
Thanks, come again.
**[00:25] Kara**
Man, we're wasted.
**[00:27] Todo**
Yes, we are, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[00:30] Kara**
Hey, who are you calling "Charisma-niisan"?
**[00:34] Todo**
Yeah, I didn't say that.
**[00:37] Todo**
Hey, I want to order.
Can you push the button?
**[00:39] Kara**
Got it.
**[00:41] Jyu**
Ding dong!
**[00:45] Oso**
Hey, you're not the button. You're Jyushimatsu!
**[00:49] Todo**
I can't breathe!
**[00:51] Choro**
Hey, what's so funny?
**[00:54] Choro**
I don't get it at all.
**[00:56] Jyu**
You don't?
**[00:58] Choro**
I don't.
**[00:59] Choro**
Ding dong!
**[01:02] Choro**
Now I'm the button! I'm the button!
***SIGN*** Pepper
**[01:09] Oso**
Man, that was fun. Should we head home?
**[01:13] Kara**
Yeah, I guess we should.
**[01:15] Ichi**
We need to get our check, then.
**[01:22] Ichi**
Our check...
**[01:25] Ichi**
We need to get our check...
**[01:27] Oso**
So what do we have to do
to get our check, Ichimatsu?
**[01:31] Ichi**
Huh?
**[01:32] Oso**
Come on, tell me, Ichimacchan!
What do we have to do?
**[01:36] Ichi**
Push the button.
**[01:38] Kara**
Ding dong!
**[01:43] Ichi**
Ding dong.
**[01:44] Oso?**
Ding dong!
**[01:46] Todo**
My stomach hurts! Please stop!
**[01:49] Todo**
Ding dong!
**[01:52] Jyu**
So much fun!
**[01:54] Guy**
Hey!
**[01:56] Guy**
Shut up.
**[02:02] Oso**
We got in trouble...
**[02:05] Jyu**
Ding dong!
**[02:08] Kara**
Just don't.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Shibuya Station
**[03:51] Tottymi**
What am I going to do?
**[03:53] Totty**
I work and work, but can't
seem to save any money.
**[03:57] Totty**
I wonder if there's some job I can do for
a little while and make lots of money.
**[04:01] Totty**
I want to turn the tables!
**[04:08] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
**[04:10] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
***SIGN*** We'll support your money-loving lifestyle
***SIGN*** Get paid under the table!
***SIGN*** Super high income! Check out our available positions
**[04:11] Song**
*Banana banana banana*
**[04:14] Song**
*Banana banana, strike it rich*
***SIGN*** We'll support your money-loving lifestyle
**[04:17] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
***SIGN*** Super high income!
***SIGN*** Get paid under the table!
**[04:20] Song**
*Stupidly, stupidly high income*
**[04:23] Song**
*Banana!*
**[04:23] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[04:26] Song**
*Get a stupidly stupid
amount under the table*
**[04:29] Song**
*Banana!*
**[04:29] Totty**
Wow! Maybe I can turn the tables after all!
**[04:29] Song**
*Let's find a part-time job*
**[04:31] Song**
*Banana!*
**[04:32] Song**
*Let's get ahead of everyone*
**[04:39] Ichi**
All right, let's start the interview.
***SIGN*** Kitty Shack
**[04:43] Ichi**
Good evening. I'm Ichimatsu, the manager.
**[04:45] Ichi**
Pleasure to meet you.
**[04:47] Totty**
S-Sir, thank you for having me.
**[04:52] Ichi**
Are you nervous?
**[04:55] Ichi**
Could this be your first time
working in a place like this?
**[04:59] Totty**
Um... Yes.
**[05:02] Ichi**
Don't worry.
**[05:03] Ichi**
It might be a little rough at first,
but you'll get used to things quickly.
**[05:07] Totty**
Really?
**[05:09] Ichi**
Yes. Now, why don't we have you change?
**[05:12] Totty**
Yes, sir! I'll do my best.
**[05:15] Ichi**
Here you go.
**[05:16] Totty**
I can't! There's no way I can wear that!
**[05:19] Ichi**
Then what about this?
**[05:20] Totty**
I can't! No way!
**[05:23] Ichi**
Then how about this?
**[05:24] Totty**
No way! More importantly,
what's the theme here?
**[05:27] Totty**
Is this really what the customers want?
**[05:30] Ichi**
Well, there are all kinds
of people in this world.
**[05:34] Totty**
Y-Yes, but...
**[05:36] Ichi**
Just so you know...
**[05:38] Ichi**
These are the services
we provide at our shop.
***SIGN*** One-shot Jokes
Oogiri
Impressions
What's in the Box?
Bungee Jumping
Kissing a Wild Alligator
***SIGN*** One-shot Jokes
**[05:43] Ichi**
One-shot jokes.
***SIGN*** Oogiri
**[05:44] Ichi**
Oogiri.
***SIGN*** Impressions
**[05:45] Ichi**
Impressions.
***SIGN*** What's in the Box?
**[05:46] Ichi**
What's in the box?
***SIGN*** Bungee Jumping
**[05:48] Ichi**
Bungee jumping.
**[05:49] Ichi**
Kissing a wild alligator.
***SIGN*** Kissing a Wild Alligator
**[05:51] Totty**
I can't! I can't do any of those!
**[05:54] Ichi**
You'll get used to it.
**[05:55] Totty**
I won't! This isn't what I imagined at all!
**[06:00] Totty**
No way! I can't!
**[06:04] Totty**
I can't!
**[06:06] Totty**
I-I can't!
**[06:11] Totty**
Sir...
**[06:12] Totty**
I don't think I'm cut out
for this job after all.
**[06:16] Ichi**
That's what everyone says at first,
but don't you worry.
***SIGN*** Hot
Mustard
**[06:21] Ichi**
You'll get used to it.
**[06:22] Totty**
*No! This isn't what I wanted to do!*
**[06:27] Totty**
*That's right. What I wanted to do is...*
***SIGN*** Money
**[06:34] Oso**
I'm so bummed.
**[06:36] Jyu**
Same.
**[06:37] Oso**
We're way too broke.
**[06:40] Oso**
The wage gap is too steep.
**[06:42] Jyu**
Totally want to turn the tables.
**[06:45] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
**[06:45] Both**
Wow!
**[06:46] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[06:48] Song**
*Banana banana banana*
**[06:51] Song**
*Banana banana, strike it rich*
**[06:54] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[06:57] Song**
*Stupidly, stupidly high income*
**[06:59] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:00] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[07:03] Song**
*Get a stupidly stupid
amount under the table*
**[07:05] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:06] Song**
*Let's find a part-time job*
**[07:08] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:09] Song**
*Let's get ahead of everyone*
**[07:11] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:12] Song**
*Overseas vacations, brand bags*
**[07:13] ---**
Wow!
**[07:15] Song**
*Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy*
**[07:18] Song**
*It can't be true... Yes it can, banana!*
**[07:24] Song**
*Hey!*
**[07:24] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[07:27] Song**
*Stupidly, stupidly high income*
**[07:29] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:30] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[07:33] Song**
*Get a stupidly stupid
amount under the table*
**[07:35] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:36] Song**
*Let's find a part-time job*
**[07:38] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:39] Song**
*Let's get ahead of everyone*
**[07:41] Song**
*Banana!*
**[07:42] Song**
*Overseas vacations, brand bags*
**[07:45] Song**
*Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy*
**[07:48] Song**
*It can't be true... Yes it can, banana!*
***SIGN*** The Ultimate Sentai Show VS Virgin Rangers
**[07:53] Song**
*Hey!*
**[07:57] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hall
***SIGN*** Spring Tour
***SIGN*** Arena
**[07:58] Song**
*B! N! N! Banana*
**[08:00] Song**
*Banana banana banana*
**[08:03] Song**
*Banana banana, strike it rich*
**[08:06] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[08:09] Song**
*Stupidly, stupidly high income*
**[08:11] Song**
*Banana!*
**[08:12] Song**
*Banana banana make money quick*
**[08:15] Song**
*Get a stupidly stupid
amount under the table*
**[08:18] Song**
*Banana!*
**[08:18] Totty**
*Yay!*
**[08:18] Song**
*Same day super celebrity*
**[08:19] Totty**
*I was able to turn the tables!*
**[08:21] Song**
*Let's get ahead of everyone*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "NEET Correctional Facility"
**[08:25] Sales**
Hello, it's your neighborhood salesman.
**[08:32] Sales**
I'm terribly sorry to show up unannounced.
**[08:36] Sales**
Please take this high-class pound
cake from the Grand Hat Hotel
**[08:39] Sales**
as a token of my apology.
**[08:43] Sales**
You see, I just happened to hear a rumor
**[08:46] Sales**
that you happen to have six NEETs
**[08:48] Sales**
who absolutely refuse to work
no matter how old they get.
**[08:53] Sales**
That must be hard. You have my sympathies.
**[08:56] Dad**
R-Right...
**[08:58] Sales**
So I was wondering if you'd be willing
**[09:01] Sales**
to try sending them to a facility
that we created. It's called...
**[09:05] Sales**
"We'll immediately change
any failure of a human being!
**[09:08] Sales**
The NEET correctional facility: NEETZAP."
**[09:13] Sales**
Oh, don't worry.
**[09:15] Sales**
There's nothing shady about our facility.
**[09:17] Sales**
We call all the children
we take in our friends.
**[09:21] Sales**
We truly treat them as friends.
***SIGN*** Probability of finding a job after graduation
**[09:23] Sales**
Many of our graduates go back
out into society and do great!
***SIGN*** (According to our research)
**[09:27] Sales**
You just have to leave them
with us for two years!
***SIGN*** Life
***SIGN*** 90 years' worth
***SIGN*** (2 years' worth)
**[09:29] Sales**
Just two years, and they'll be reformed!
***SIGN*** 2 years
***SIGN*** Special time offer!
**[09:31] Sales**
And right now, we have a
sales campaign going on!
***SIGN*** NTNT Campaign!
***SIGN*** 1 NEET only
**[09:33] Sales**
We'll take in one of your NEETs free of charge!
***SIGN*** Yen
**[09:36] Sales**
Well, what do you think?
**[09:38] Sales**
I'm sure you might have some reservations,
but it's not a bad deal.
**[09:41] Sales**
Be brave, and give us a try!
**[09:46] Dad**
You can't be serious.
**[09:48] Dad**
It's true that all of our kids are NEETs,
**[09:51] Dad**
but there's no way we could send one of our
sons to your crazy facility for two years.
**[09:54] Dad**
Right, dear?
**[09:56] Mom**
Could you tell us more about this facility?
**[09:58] Dad**
What?!
**[09:59] Dad**
D-Dear!
**[10:04] Sales**
Well, I'll be looking forward
to a positive answer.
**[10:07] Sales**
I know you love your sons very much.
**[10:08] Sales**
Farewell!
**[10:15] Dad**
You want to send one of our
kids to that facility?
**[10:18] Dad**
What are you thinking?
**[10:22] Dad**
Matsuyo?
**[10:24] Mom**
Well...
**[10:27] Mom**
This pound cake...
**[10:29] Mom**
is one of my absolute favorites!
**[10:31] Dad**
You're sacrificing one of our
sons for that? You're awful!
**[10:34] Mom**
I'm joking.
**[10:36] Mom**
But I'm serious about the facility.
**[10:39] Mom**
I think it might be worth considering.
**[10:43] Dad**
Huh?
**[10:44] Mom**
I've been thinking lately
**[10:47] Mom**
that maybe they turned out
that way because of me.
**[10:54] Mom**
"Hurry up and find a job
and become independent."
**[10:57] Mom**
I say that, but I'm still too
nice when it comes to them.
**[11:00] Mom**
In the end, I let them get away with anything.
**[11:03] Mom**
At this rate, they'll never change.
**[11:06] Mom**
I need to be stricter with them.
**[11:09] Mom**
If we send one of them to the facility,
something might change.
**[11:13] Mom**
I'm okay with them hating me,
as long as it helps them.
**[11:18] Dad**
Dear, you'd go that far?
**[11:22] Mom**
And let me just say this...
**[11:26] Mom**
If there were only three of them,
it'd be pretty lonely, and I may even feel guilty,
**[11:32] Mom**
but we have sextuplets!
**[11:34] Mom**
We have six of them!
**[11:36] Mom**
Even if we sent one off,
I don't think we'd really notice!
***SIGN*** Because we have sextuplets, even if we sent one off, we really wouldn't notice
**[11:43] Dad**
Well, I mean, even five is a lot.
**[11:48] Mom**
*I said that so confidently,*
**[11:50] Mom**
* but having to actually pick one of*
* these kids to go is pretty hard.*
**[11:55] Mom**
* I'd like to let the good ones stay,*
* and choose the worst.*
**[12:04] Mom**
* Which ones are the good sons?*
* Who's the bad son?*
**[12:09] Mom**
*I just don't know...*
**[12:12] Oso**
Mom, I want to go play pachinko.
**[12:14] Oso**
Got any extra cash, by any chance?
**[12:17] Kara**
Mommy, when are you going
to buy me this bike?
**[12:21] Ichi**
Huh? Is it good?
**[12:23] Ichi**
It's okay, I guess.
**[12:25] Jyu**
Mom, I wet the bed!
***SIGN*** Expensive
**[12:28] Todo**
Mom, I borrowed your toner,
so could you buy more?
**[12:32] Mom**
*I don't have a good son to begin with!*
**[12:35] Mom**
* All of you should go to*
* the facility, you morons!*
**[12:40] Mom**
*It's no use. They're all worthless.*
**[12:43] Mom**
*I was right after all.*
**[12:46] Mom**
Now is the time for tough love!
**[13:00] Choro**
Y-You're sending one of us
to a correctional facility?
**[13:04] Mom**
Yes.
**[13:05] Choro**
J-Just to make sure, I'm not the one
you're sending to this facility, am I?
**[13:18] Mom**
No, you're safe, Choromatsu.
**[13:19] Choro**
Oh, thank God! That's not good for my heart!
**[13:22] Choro**
Safe! Choro-chan is safe!
**[13:24] Mom**
I want you to hear me out.
**[13:26] Choro**
Hear you out?
**[13:28] Choro**
Oh, I see...
**[13:31] Choro**
That's why you brought up this facility.
**[13:33] Choro**
I didn't know you were facing
such a hard decision.
**[13:36] Mom**
This is a last resort.
**[13:38] Choro**
All right. I'll throw out
any pity and help you out.
**[13:41] Choro**
So we just have to pick which one of
these guys we're going to part with?
**[13:46] Mom**
Yes. They're all so awful,
I just can't seem to make up my mind.
**[13:50] Mom**
Tell me what you think as their brother.
**[13:53] Choro**
Well, as one of the brothers...
**[13:56] Choro**
It's definitely him.
**[13:57] Mom**
Oh, my. I never thought
you'd decide so quickly.
**[14:00] Choro**
There's absolutely no hesitation.
**[14:02] Mom**
What? But Osomatsu's... How do I put it?
**[14:04] Mom**
He basically defines you sextuplets.
**[14:07] Mom**
If he's out of the picture,
it'd be hard to understand what's going on.
**[14:10] Choro**
No, no, speaking for the sextuplets,
it'd be the most peaceful with him gone.
**[14:15] Choro**
Ask all the others, and they'll probably
all point to his picture at once.
**[14:19] Mom**
Really?
**[14:20] Choro**
Really.
**[14:21] Mom**
I really thought you were
going to pick this one.
**[14:26] Choro**
Ah.
**[14:28] Choro**
Well, yeah...
**[14:30] Mom**
I mean, you're always getting mad
at him. He's annoying, right?
**[14:33] Choro**
Well, he is, but he hasn't
actually done anything wrong.
**[14:37] Choro**
So, speaking for the sextuplets,
there's no problem with keeping him.
**[14:40] Mom**
Oh, really?
**[14:42] Mom**
I guess he can stay, then.
**[14:43] Choro**
What about you, Mom?
**[14:46] Choro**
Who do you think should go?
**[14:48] Mom**
U-Um... But that's just it.
**[14:51] Choro**
If you had to choose.
**[14:52] Mom**
If I had to choose...
**[15:03] Mom**
I-I think this one, or this one.
**[15:05] Choro**
Really? Ichimatsu or Todomatsu?!
**[15:08] Mom**
Shh! You're too loud!
**[15:09] Choro**
Wait, but why?!
**[15:10] Mom**
I can't tell if they really love me...
**[15:13] Choro**
Ah...
**[15:15] Mom**
And I can't really find anything
positive about keeping them.
**[15:18] Choro**
I see.
**[15:19] Mom**
W-Wait, did I just say something awful?!
**[15:21] Choro**
You did. Actually,
you've been pretty awful all day.
**[15:24] Choro**
But that's fine. This is your
chance to let it all out.
**[15:28] Choro**
By the way, what about this one?
**[15:33] Both**
No, no, no! Not a chance!
**[15:34] Both**
I can't imagine having someone
else take care of this one!
**[15:38] Choro**
Right?
**[15:39] Mom**
Exactly.
**[15:40] Choro**
It's not that we want to keep him,
but we don't have a choice.
**[15:43] Mom**
Right.
**[15:45] Choro**
So, what are you going to do?
Which one are we parting with?
**[15:48] Mom**
What? Hmm...
**[16:00] Mom**
Then...
**[16:01] Choro**
Whoa, seriously?!
**[16:02] Mom**
I'll go along with the other sextuplets' opinion.
**[16:05] Mom**
Not to mention, if he's gone,
I do think the rest of you might change.
**[16:10] Choro**
It's decided?
**[16:11] Mom**
Yes.
**[16:12] Choro**
So we're parting ways with Osomatsu?
**[16:14] Mom**
Yes, Osomatsu.
**[16:17] Choro**
All right. I'll go get him, then.
**[16:21] Mom**
Wait!
**[16:24] Mom**
What should I do?
**[16:26] Choro**
Uh, about what?
**[16:27] Mom**
Osomatsu, huh?
**[16:29] Mom**
Really? Osomatsu?
**[16:29] Choro**
Seriously, what is your deal?
**[16:32] Mom**
I'm going to hold off on Osomatsu after all.
**[16:33] Choro**
Huh? You changed your mind?
**[16:35] Mom**
Yes.
**[16:35] Choro**
Okay, so who's it going to be?
**[16:38] Mom**
Huh? Um...
**[16:41] Mom**
This one.
**[16:42] Choro**
Karamatsu?
**[16:43] Mom**
Yes.
**[16:45] Choro**
Final answer?
**[16:45] Mom**
Final answer.
**[16:46] Choro**
Okay. I'll go get him.
**[16:49] Mom**
Wait.
**[16:50] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:52] Choro**
Mom?!
**[16:53] Choro**
Seriously, what is your deal?!
**[16:57] Choro**
Mom!
**[16:58] Mom**
I'm getting sick of this!
**[16:59] Choro**
Huh?!
**[17:00] Mom**
I know I'm the one who brought this up,
but actually having to pick one...
**[17:04] Mom**
I'm so sick of this!
**[17:06] Choro**
Mom!
**[17:07] Choro**
Calm down! You're the one
who brought this up!
**[17:11] Mom**
R-Right... I'm the one who brought
all of this up in the first place...
**[17:16] Mom**
I was about to go soft again.
**[17:18] Mom**
Thanks, Choromatsu-kun.
**[17:19] Choro**
No problem.
**[17:21] Choro**
What about this one?
**[17:22] Mom**
Ichimatsu? No!
**[17:25] Choro**
Then what about him?
**[17:26] Mom**
Todomatsu? No, no!
**[17:29] Choro**
What about him?!
**[17:29] Mom**
I said no!
**[17:31] Mom**
But he's such a good character!
**[17:34] Mom**
But he's so cute!
**[17:36] Mom**
He's such a good boy!
**[17:37] Mom**
I can't! I just can't!
**[17:39] Mom**
I just can't choose!
**[17:42] Choro**
Matsuyo! Get a friggin' grip, Matsuyo!
**[17:46] Mom**
I'm going to be honest.
**[17:48] Mom**
Even if you're all just lazing around
every day, or NEETs, I don't care.
**[17:53] Mom**
I actually don't care at all.
**[17:55] Choro**
What?! That's some confession!
**[17:58] Choro**
This goes against everything!
**[17:59] Choro**
Why did we waste all this time, then?
**[18:02] Mom**
It all just came out, but I meant it.
**[18:04] Mom**
As long as you're all doing well,
that's all that matters. I don't care at all.
**[18:08] Choro**
Oh, come on! You're the one
who brought all of this up!
**[18:13] Mom**
You're right! I was going soft again!
**[18:16] Mom**
I have to choose one!
**[18:18] Choro**
Is this ever going to end? Well, Mom?!
**[18:21] Mom**
Ugh! What am I supposed to do?!
**[18:25] Mom**
Oh, I know.
**[18:26] Mom**
You go, then.
**[18:27] Choro**
What?! Now it's me?
**[18:30] Choro**
Why?!
**[18:30] Mom**
I guess not. Then we'll
have your father decide.
**[18:33] Choro**
Huh?!
**[18:34] Mom**
No, maybe I'm the one who needs
to go to some kind of facility.
**[18:38] Choro**
Mom! You're not making any sense!
**[18:39] Choro**
Calm down!
**[18:41] Choro**
Mom!
**[18:45] Kara**
So, how'd it go?
**[18:47] Todo**
Who's it going to be?
**[18:48] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[18:49] Jyu**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[18:50] Ichi**
Well?
**[18:51] Choro**
In the end...
**[18:52] Choro**
Mom just couldn't decide.
**[18:57] Ichi**
Oh, thank goodness.
**[18:58] Todo**
So everything's on hold.
**[18:59] Oso**
We're just barely safe.
**[19:00] Jyu**
Safe, safe!
**[19:01] Kara**
We're saved.
**[19:03] Choro**
Well, I guess this is the best choice.
**[19:07] Dad**
I'm home.
**[19:08] Six**
Dad!
**[19:10] Dad**
Something wrong?
**[19:11] Jyu**
What's this about a correctional facility?
**[19:13] Dad**
Oh, that.
**[19:18] Dad**
I spent all day thinking about it at work,
**[19:21] Dad**
but it's just silly to think about
sending one of you off
**[19:25] Dad**
to a facility for two years.
**[19:27] Dad**
Still, I decided that you
need some tough love.
**[19:30] Six**
Huh?
**[19:31] Dad**
Starting tomorrow, three of you
will be going to the facility.
**[19:40] All**
What?!
**[19:41] Ichi**
Three of us?!
**[19:42] Oso**
Why is it more now?!
**[19:43] Dad**
Well, if we want to make our family
better, we need this resolve.
**[19:48] Kara**
Better?! No, that betterment
isn't necessary, Daddy!
**[19:51] Dad**
Now, then.
**[19:52] Dad**
Which three of you should I choose?
**[19:58] Oso**
D-D-D-D-Dad! I'll give you this!
**[20:00] Oso**
A coupon for a hostess club!
**[20:02] Dad**
What? Really?
**[20:03] Dad**
Osomatsu gets 100 points!
**[20:04] Oso**
All right!
**[20:05] Jyu**
Dad, you can have this
ticket to a baseball game!
**[20:08] Dad**
Jyushimatsu gets 50 points!
**[20:09] Jyu**
Yay!
**[20:10] Choro**
Dad, you can have this idol photobook.
**[20:12] Dad**
100 points!
**[20:13] Choro**
Yass!
***SIGN*** Softshell Turtle
**[20:14] Kara**
Daddy, use this!
**[20:17] Dad**
Nice, my son!
**[20:18] Kara**
One more.
**[20:19] Dad**
Great, my son!
**[20:20] Kara**
One more!
**[20:21] Dad**
50,000 sun! Karamatsu doesn't have to go!
**[20:25] Ichi**
Dad, here's the URL to a free porn site.
**[20:28] Dad**
One million points! You don't have to go!
**[20:30] Ichi**
Thanks!
**[20:31] Todo**
Dad, I'm sorry.
**[20:32] Dad**
Huh?
**[20:33] Todo**
I don't have anything to
give you like the others.
**[20:37] Todo**
But you know...
**[20:38] Todo**
Since I always had you to look up to,
**[20:41] Todo**
I know I'll grow up to be
a great man like you.
**[20:42] Todo**
Thanks for everything.
**[20:44] Dad**
A hundred million points!
You get to be a NEET for life!
**[20:47] Todo**
Yass! Don't you dare
underestimate Totty, damn it!
**[20:49] Oso**
All right, you guys!
**[20:51] Oso**
Let's show Dad how much we appreciate him!
**[20:55] ---**
Yeah!
**[20:56] Six**
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
**[20:59] Dad**
Don't worry! Don't worry, my little NEETs!
**[21:02] Dad**
Your father is so happy!
**[21:14] Mom**
We're such a strange family.
What am I going to do with all of you?
**[21:19] Mom**
More importantly, when are
you all going to get jobs?
**[21:23] Mom**
Honestly, you stupid little NEETs!
**[21:28] Choro**
Ow! What are you doing, Mom?
**[21:30] Todo**
Come on, Mom.
**[21:31] Jyu**
What're you doing?
**[21:33] Mom**
Well? Do you give up?
**[21:35] Ichi**
Uh, could you hurry up and move?
**[21:37] Kara**
Hey, Mommy!
**[21:39] Mom**
Nope. I'm going to stay like
this a little longer.
**[21:41] Oso**
Wait, why?!
**[21:47] Mom**
Nope.
***SIGN*** End
**[21:50] Mom**
Nope!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:24] Jyu**
It's me, Jyushimatsu!
**[23:26] Jyu**
Next week's going to be about survival!
**[23:28] Jyu**
So I want to tell you trivia about survival!
**[23:31] Jyu**
I want to tell you trivia about survival!
**[23:36] Jyu**
I want to tell you trivia about survival!
**[23:40] Jyu**
I want to tell you trivia about survival!
**[23:43] Jyu**
I want to tell you trivia about survival!
***SIGN*** "Overseas Vacation"
**[23:47] Jyu**
I want to tell you trivia about survival!
**[23:52] Jyu**
Starving!
# E22 - Overseas Vacation
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR4P2WXQY/overseas-vacation)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN***
"Overseas Vacation"
**[00:05] All**
Hawaii! Hawaii! Hawaii! Hawaii!
**[00:12] Toto**
Yay, Hawaii!
**[00:15] Chibi**
All right, you idjits!
**[00:16] Dayon**
I'm so excited!
**[00:20] Choro**
Are we allowed such extravagance?
We're going to get punished for this.
**[00:23] Both**
Punishment!
**[00:26] Oso**
Man... The best thing in life is a rich friend.
**[00:31] Kara**
Thank you, Hatabou!
**[00:33] Toto**
Hatabou!
**[00:53] Ichi**
Are we falling?!
**[00:55] Kara**
We are!
**[00:56] Jyu**
What's going on, Hatabou?!
**[00:57] Oso**
Hatabou?
**[00:58] Choro**
Damn it, Hatabou!
**[01:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[01:29] Kara**
Huh?
**[01:31] Kara**
What?!
**[01:33] Kara**
Wh-Where are we?!
**[03:12] Todo**
This isn't Hawaii... This isn't Hawaii...
This isn't Hawaii... This isn't Hawaii...
**[03:14] Chibi**
What are we going to do?
**[03:17] Oso**
Man, I'm starving.
**[03:19] Jyu**
I'm thirsty.
**[03:23] Deka**
There's trouble!
**[03:25] Deka**
I can't find Dayon anywhere!
**[03:27] Choro**
What?!
**[03:31] Kara**
* And so, rather than enjoying*
* a vacation in Hawaii,*
**[03:35] Kara**
* we were forced into trying to*
* survive on a deserted island.*
**[03:40] Iya**
Sheh! Sheh!
**[03:44] Iya**
Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh!
**[03:47] Toto**
I'm so hungry.
**[03:49] Oso**
Totoko-chan!
**[03:49] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[03:50] Oso**
What do you want?
**[03:51] Choro**
What do you want? Tell us!
**[03:54] Toto**
Well... I want some fruit.
**[03:56] Oso**
Fruit! What kind?
**[03:58] Choro**
What kind?
**[03:58] Oso**
That?
**[03:59] Toto**
Nope.
**[04:00] Choro**
That?
**[04:01] Toto**
Nope.
**[04:02] Toto**
What I want is...
**[04:06] Toto**
that.
**[04:33] Toto**
You okay?
**[04:36] Chibi**
Hey, you jerks! The hell are
you doing, you idjits?!
**[04:40] Chibi**
I told you guys to write "SOS" with those!
**[04:43] Jyu**
SOS?
**[04:45] Ichi**
Oh, that's what he meant.
**[04:52] Chibi**
Not "OSO," "SOS"!
**[04:56] Chibi**
Why are *you guys* the letters?!
**[04:58] Chibi**
Take this seriously, you idjits!
**[05:02] Todo**
A deserted island, huh?
**[05:04] Todo**
I'm finished...
**[05:08] Todo**
Dekapan? What's wrong?
**[05:11] Deka**
I can't find Dayon.
**[05:14] Todo**
Look over there.
**[05:18] Deka**
That's—
**[05:23] Todo**
He's probably dead.
You should just give up.
**[05:26] Deka**
How can you say such a thing?
**[05:27] Todo**
Uh, that pretty much confirms he's dead.
**[05:30] Deka**
You can't lose hope!
**[05:32] Todo**
There isn't any hope.
**[05:33] Deka**
There is!
**[05:34] Todo**
There isn't!
**[05:35] Todo**
We're just going to die anyway!
There's no way I can survive here!
**[05:40] Todo**
Dekapan!
**[05:44] Deka**
I'll protect you.
**[05:47] Todo**
Gross.
**[05:56] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[05:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:12] Iyami**
Fueeeh!
**[06:13] Sign**
Fueeeeeeeeh!
***SIGN*** Fueeeeeeeeh!
**[06:22] Jyu**
It's not lighting...
**[06:23] Ichi**
It's no use...
**[06:34] Chibi**
Hey!
**[06:37] Ichi**
There we go.
**[06:39] Jyu**
We did it.
**[06:40] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[06:43] Kara**
Hey, stop fighting! We have to
help each other out right now!
**[06:49] Kara**
* Everyone continued their*
* meaningless quarrels.*
**[06:52] Kara**
*They all forgot their compassion.*
**[07:16] Kara**
*However, our last hope still remained...*
**[07:20] Kara**
*A raft to escape this island.*
**[07:23] Kara**
* We would all get on*
* and leave the island.*
**[07:26] Kara**
*And then, one day...*
**[07:30] Kara**
*We'd kill Hatabou!*
**[07:32] Kara**
* Our desire to kill Hatabou*
* brought us all together!*
**[07:42] Kara**
*But...*
**[07:47] Oso**
Iyami!
**[07:50] Iya**
There's no way we'd all fit
on this tiny raft! See ya!
**[07:59] Bg**
Hey!
**[08:00] Bg**
Iyami!
**[08:01] Bg**
Iyami!
**[08:03] Oso**
Behind you! Iyami, behind you!
**[08:05] Deka**
Behind you!
**[08:08] Iya**
Behind me?
**[08:09] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[08:19] Kara**
*It was then that we realized*
**[08:21] Kara**
*it'd be impossible to leave this island.*
**[08:24] Kara**
*All that remained was for us to die.*
**[08:34] Kara**
*I wonder how much time passed...*
**[08:37] Kara**
*But we were still alive.*
**[08:42] Kara**
* We adapted to life on the island*
* and became stronger.*
**[08:54] Kara**
*Each of us evolved in different ways.*
**[09:00] Choro**
Oh, hey, Totoko-chan.
**[09:04] Toto**
Begone!
**[09:05] Choro**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Oden
**[09:13] Todo**
I guess no one's responded yet...
**[09:17] Todo**
No one's answering...
**[09:20] Todo**
I wonder if the signal's just weak here...
**[09:24] Oso**
The hell? I'm not getting any balls at all.
**[09:26] Oso**
What the heck?
***SIGN*** Dayon's Grave
**[09:56] Kara**
*And we established a bartering system.*
**[10:08] Ichi**
I got some new ones in.
**[10:12] Choro**
Hurry up and gimme! Gimme!
**[10:16] Kara**
*That's right... we had acquired peace.*
**[10:27] Toto**
A bird! There's a bird!
**[10:52] Oso**
So good!
**[10:53] Choro**
It is!
**[10:56] Kara**
My family, let us share
and understand each other!
**[11:01] Kara**
I've had enough of pointless fighting!
**[11:03] Kara**
Being selfish is prohibited!
This is true happiness!
**[11:10] Kara**
* It was because of my kind,*
* caring nature that everyone was happy.*
**[11:19] Kara**
*Until that incident.*
**[11:23] Todo**
I'm so full.
**[11:25] Kara**
I'm gonna go take a piss.
**[11:32] Kara**
Th-This is...
**[11:34] Kara**
Why?! Seriously? Yes!
**[11:40] Choro**
Karamatsu?
**[11:42] Choro**
What's up? Did you find something?
**[11:45] Kara**
Nope...
**[11:45] Todo**
Let us see it. We have a rule to share
whenever we find anything, right?
**[11:52] Todo**
Hey, come on, now.
**[11:53] Ichi**
Hey!
**[11:55] Ichi**
That's toilet paper, isn't it?
**[11:59] Ichi**
Why do you have that?
**[12:04] Kara**
My bad.
**[12:06] Choro**
He ran!
**[12:07] Ichi**
Come back here, Shittymatsu!
**[12:08] Todo**
Shittymatsu!
**[12:14] Toto**
There's toilet paper!
**[12:22] Kara**
I'm not giving it to anyone!
I'm the one who found it!
**[12:25] Kara**
* Now I can finally wipe my ass*
* with soft, pillowy paper!*
**[12:28] Kara**
* I'm so done with wiping my ass*
* with hard or scratchy leaves!*
**[12:32] Oso**
Come on, don't do this!
**[12:34] Choro**
We made a promise to share
everything equally!
**[12:37] Kara**
Don't be so naïve! You guys just
want it for yourselves, too!
**[12:40] Kara**
I'm fully aware
**[12:42] Kara**
that your asses have also
surpassed their limits!
**[12:51] Oso**
Damn it, Totoko!
**[12:53] Choro**
Totoko!
**[12:57] Toto**
Damn it, Shittypan!
**[12:58] Todo**
Shittypan!
**[13:32] Chibi**
The toilet paper's mine!
**[13:35] Chibi**
Y-You're...
**[13:37] Chibi**
Iyami!
**[13:41] Chibi**
H-How, you idjit?! How did you...
**[13:46] Iyami**
Me has awakened...
**[13:49] Chibi**
Awakened?
**[13:51] Iyami**
Hunger, thirst, loneliness...
**[13:54] Iyami**
I endured all of those hardships and
managed to surpass my physical limits.
**[14:02] Iyami**
What awaited me beyond that was yoga...
**[14:05] Iyami**
The power of yoga... It's no longer possible
for any of you to capture me again.
**[14:18] Oso**
Damn it! He can even displace his organs?
**[14:32] Choro**
The hell is that?! You can't be serious!
**[14:37] Kara**
Over there!
**[14:42] Ichi**
He disappeared?!
**[14:43] Oso**
Damn it! He can even teleport?!
**[14:48] Iya**
This belongs to me.
**[14:51] Chibi**
Hold it!
**[14:53] Chibi**
Iyami... It looks like you've
pissed me off for real.
**[15:00] Chibi**
After having to survive out here,
I finally understand, too.
**[15:04] Chibi**
The most powerful power in the world...
**[15:06] Chibi**
It's...
**[15:08] Chibi**
the power of the wild!
**[15:10] Chibi**
Behold!
**[15:13] Kara**
* Unbelievably, after Iyami,*
* Chibita had also awakened.*
**[15:25] Todo**
I-Is that a leopard?
Is he turning into a leopard?
**[15:30] Todo**
Or not.
**[15:36] Todo**
A gorilla! It's a gorilla!
**[15:39] Todo**
Or not!
**[15:44] Todo**
A wolf!
**[15:45] Todo**
Or not! What the hell are
you trying to do, Chibita?!
**[15:54] Chibi**
You're finished, you idjit!
**[15:57] Todo**
The hell is that?! What kind of animal is that?!
**[16:00] Iyami**
S-So fast! Me can't dodge!
**[16:11] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[16:13] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:19] Chib**
By the way, I still have two forms left.
**[16:25] Toto**
Even I...
**[16:26] All**
Totoko-chan!
**[16:28] Toto**
Even I figured it out...
**[16:30] Toto**
After having to live this shitty lifestyle,
**[16:34] Toto**
I understood how much I
appreciated my parents...
**[16:36] Toto**
The happiness of living at my parents' house...
**[16:38] Toto**
When I realized that, the origin within me...
**[16:42] Toto**
My fishmonger blood has awakened!
**[16:45] Kara**
*Then even Totoko-chan awakened!*
**[16:52] Toto**
A fish for you... and a fish for me!
**[16:57] Toto**
Anglerfish, red spotted grouper, salmon!
**[16:59] Toto**
DHA and EPA are overflowing...
My blood flows so smoothly!
**[17:03] Toto**
Make sure you eat the skin, too!
**[17:05] Toto**
In the name of fishkind, I'll kill you all!
**[17:08] Six**
So cute!
**[17:10] Choro**
Holy shit! You're so cute, Totoko-chan!
**[17:12] Toto**
I'll show you how terrifying
the ocean can be!
**[17:14] Toto**
Barnacle Attack!
**[17:20] Toto**
Sea Cucumber Splash!
**[17:22] Toto**
Sea Slug Bomber!
**[17:25] Chib**
Y-You idjit! Damn it!
**[17:28] Choro**
She looks super cute,
but her attacks are gross!
**[17:31] Todo**
They didn't have anything to do with fish.
**[17:33] Oso**
I-I don't think I can beat her!
**[17:36] Jyu**
Leave it to me!
**[17:38] All**
Jyushimatsu!
**[17:38] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[17:40] Jyu**
This is the power that's awakened within me.
**[17:45] Jyu**
Play ball!
**[17:46] Jyu**
Dream of Field!
**[17:54] Ichi**
Th-That's...
**[17:55] Toto**
I-It can't be!
**[17:57] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu had awakened, too.*
**[18:00] Kara**
* He wanted to play baseball.*
* He wanted to play an actual game.*
**[18:02] Kara**
*Those passionate feelings...*
**[18:05] Todo**
I-It's the nine!
**[18:06] Choro**
The nine are here!
**[18:08] Kara**
* Yes. He managed to summon*
* the legendary nine.*
**[18:15] Ump**
Strike!
***SIGN*** Portland
**[18:17] Ump**
Safe!
**[18:18] All**
There it goes!
**[18:20] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
***SIGN*** MVP Prize
**[18:23] Jyu**
It's a home run!
***SIGN*** MVP Prize
**[18:26] Kara**
*Baseball is fun.*
***SIGN*** Dayon's Grave
**[18:29] Deka**
Everything is wrong!
**[18:31] Deka**
You're the only one who
can quell this chaos!
**[18:33] Deka**
Please give me your strength!
**[19:06] Oso**
What the hell is that?!
**[19:09] Deka**
I've awakened along with my friend!
**[19:12] Deka**
He died, but has reawakened!
**[19:30] Choro**
Damn it!
**[19:34] Oso**
All right... we have to work together!
**[19:36] Oso**
Now's the time that the six of us
have to combine our powers!
**[19:39] Oso**
Let's go!
**[19:40] All**
Yeah!
**[19:41] Oso**
Monozygotic technique!
**[19:43] All**
Monozygotic technique!
**[19:45] Oso**
Matsusion!
**[19:46] All**
Matsusion!
**[19:48] Kara**
* And then the time finally came...*
* when we also awakened!*
**[19:53] Pamatsu**
Perfectmatsu! Permatsu for short!
**[19:57] Pamatsu**
I feel the urge!
**[20:11] Pamatsu**
This is the end!
**[20:16] Pamatsu**
All this passion we've built up
living so long on this island...
**[20:21] Pama**
See if you can handle it!
**[20:22] Pama**
Su... pe... ru... ha!
**[20:42] Hata**
Hawaii's amazing, jo.
**[20:44] Hata**
I'll just have to enjoy Hawaii
enough for everyone who died, jo.
**[20:52] Hata**
Jo...
**[20:55] Iya**
The toilet paper's mine!
**[20:57] Chibi**
Let me wipe my ass!
**[20:58] Deka**
Let me wipe my ass!
**[21:00] Pama**
We'll kill you!
**[21:18] Kara**
I-I did it!
**[21:22] Kara**
Now I can finally wipe my a—
**[21:29] Toto**
I did it...
**[21:31] Toto**
I won! Yay!
**[21:35] Toto**
What?! Wait, you're kidding me!
***SIGN*** Single
**[21:39] Toto**
It's single-ply?!
**[21:41] Toto**
It's not double-ply?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:25] Oso**
Okay, just do as I say.
**[23:28] Oso**
First, close your eyes.
**[23:31] Oso**
Take a deep breath...
**[23:36] Oso**
and breathe out slowly...
**[23:39] Oso**
Once you're relaxed,
visualize in your right eye...
**[23:43] Oso**
Dayon's face.
**[23:45] Oso**
Visualize Iyami in your left eye.
***SIGN*** "The Late Night Himatsuya" "Dayon and Dayon" "Iyami-san Is Troubled"
**[23:50] Oso**
Yup. Those two are the stars next week.
# E23 - The Late Night Himatsuya / Dayon and Dayon / Iyami-san Is Troubled
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G65P2W956/the-late-night-himatsuya--dayon-and-dayon--iyami-san-is-troubled)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya
***SIGN*** Jigae pot
***SIGN*** "The Late Night Himatsuya 2"
**[00:06] Guy**
Paid in exact change.
**[00:09] Guy**
Thank you very much.
**[00:12] Todo**
Hey, let's just go home.
It's past 2:30, so let's go.
**[00:17] Todo**
Oh, come on! We talked
about this, didn't we?
**[00:20] Todo**
We said that when we got this relaxed,
we'd go home! It's for the best!
**[00:25] Oso**
Yeah, but you know...
**[00:26] All**
Huh?
**[00:27] Oso**
I don't feel like we can go home unless we
can get riled up at least one more time.
**[00:31] All**
Yup, yup.
**[00:32] Todo**
And that one more time won't ever happen!
**[00:36] Ichi**
Maybe something new and
interesting will happen.
**[00:38] Todo**
It won't! It really won't!
**[00:40] Todo**
I can vouch for this! Let's just go!
**[00:42] Jyu**
Oh, I know!
**[00:43] Oso**
What is it?
**[00:44] All**
What, what, what?
**[00:46] Jyu**
Why don't we all, like, right now...
**[00:49] Jyu**
play the word chain game?
**[00:51] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[00:52] Todo**
He actually said word chain game!
That's so insanely boring!
**[00:55] Kara**
Word chain (*shiritori*)!
**[00:56] Choro**
Squirrel (*risu*)!
**[00:57] Ichi**
Watermelon (*suika*)!
**[00:58] Oso**
Camera (*kamera*)!
**[00:59] Jyu**
Trumpet (*rappa*)!
**[01:00] Todo**
Stop it! Don't you see how sad this is?
**[01:01] Todo**
Have some pride!
***SIGN*** Pepper
**[01:02] Kara**
Why don't we play the word association game?
**[01:05] Todo**
Let's go home.
**[01:05] Choro**
How about the other word association game?
**[01:06] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[01:07] Ichi**
I've recently learned to do an impression
that I'm pretty confident about.
**[01:11] Ichi**
Want to see it?
**[01:12] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[01:12] Oso**
What would you do if you won the lottery?
**[01:15] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[01:15] Jyu**
What would you do if
Totoko-chan asked you out?
**[01:18] Todo**
C'mon, let's go home!
**[01:19] Kara**
I've been able to see people's auras lately.
**[01:21] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[01:22] Choro**
So the stars you see every night
**[01:24] Choro**
have actually been around
for hundreds of years!
**[01:25] Todo**
Let's go home! It's seriously over
if we start talking about space!
**[01:28] Jyu**
Oh, yeah!
**[01:30] Jyu**
I think if we talk about this,
we can get things going again.
**[01:33] oso**
What, what?
**[01:33] All**
What, what, what?
**[01:35] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan...
**[01:37] Jyu**
Honestly... Like, right now...
**[01:41] Jyu**
Is there a girl you like?
**[01:43] Todo**
Let's go home!
**[01:44] Todo**
You just said something from, like,
a school trip! This is hell!
**[01:50] Todo**
No, no, no! Let's go home!
**[01:52] Todo**
As soon as we get too relaxed, we go home!
**[01:54] Todo**
Relaxed equals go home
immediately! Seriously!
**[01:57] Oso**
Wait, Totty.
**[02:00] Oso**
If you're that insistent,
why don't you go home by yourself?
**[02:03] Jyu**
Yeah! We're going to play the word
association game and then go home.
**[02:06] Todo**
What? You're going to play the word
association game and then go home?
**[02:09] All**
Yeah.
**[02:13] Todo**
Okay, fine.
**[02:17] Todo**
Well, shall we start?
***SIGN*** End
**[02:18] All**
No, go home!
***SIGN*** Apple Milk
**[04:12] News**
*Good morning. It is now 7:30.*
**[04:14] News**
*Here is the news for this hour.*
**[04:17] News**
*Because of the heavy rain
in western Japan yesterday,*
**[04:19] News**
*there have been multiple
instances of flooding...*
**[04:47] Guy**
Huh? You're already finished?
**[04:49] Guy**
You're so fast, Dayon-san!
**[04:53] Guy**
Thank you!
**[04:55] Guy 2**
Dayon-san's always so fast.
**[04:58] Guy**
He's just that efficient.
**[04:59] Guy 3**
Um, Dayon-san...
**[05:03] Guy 3**
Sorry, I was wondering if I could
talk to you about something.
**[05:15] Guy**
Dayon-san!
**[05:16] Guy**
Um, we were all talking about
going drinking later...
**[05:24] Dayon**
Maybe next time.
**[05:28] Guy**
That's too bad.
**[05:56] ---**
Wh...
**[05:56] Dayon**
What's going on?!
***SIGN*** "Dayon and Dayon"
**[05:59] Dayon**
What?!
**[06:04] Dayon**
*He looks just like me! Way too much like me!*
**[06:07] Dayon**
*If it were anyone else, I'd understand,*
**[06:08] Dayon**
* but there's someone who actually*
* looks exactly like me?*
**[06:12] Dayon**
*He looks just like me! It's scary!*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Street Shopping District
**[06:23] Wife**
Welcome home, dear.
**[06:24] Dayon**
*He's married?!*
**[06:27] Daughter**
Hi, Daddy!
**[06:28] Son**
Hey, Dad.
**[06:30] Dayon**
*He even has kids!*
**[06:31] Kid**
So, today...
***SIGN*** Kimura
**[06:38] Dayon**
*K-Kimura?*
**[06:40] Girl**
What's wrong, Daddy? You're not coming in?
**[06:44] Kimu**
No, I have something very
important that I have to do,
**[06:48] Kimu**
so go ahead and wait for me inside.
**[06:51] Girl**
Okay!
**[06:56] Kimu**
Hold it!
**[07:00] Kimu**
Let's talk.
**[07:13] Kimu**
You look just like me.
**[07:16] Kimu**
I knew you'd come.
**[07:19] Kimu**
The fact that I'm alive is proof
that you'd exist somewhere, too.
**[07:24] Kimu**
It's destiny that we'd meet...
**[07:26] Kimu**
Or... I could even say I've lived
this long just so you could find me.
**[07:32] Kimu**
If you look at it that way,
it's really deep.
**[07:38] Kimu**
But you really do look just like me.
**[07:42] Kimu**
Very well. Let me break this down a little
more so it's easier to understand.
**[07:46] Kimu**
I think you've realized this,
but I am you, and you are me.
**[07:52] Kimu**
We're not talking about one being
the original and one being fake.
**[07:56] Kimu**
Your very existence is a possibility
that existed within me.
**[08:01] Kimu**
That's more understandable, right?
**[08:05] Kimu**
You really do look just like me.
**[08:09] Dayon**
U-Um...
**[08:12] Dayon**
A-Are you a d-doppelganger?
**[08:16] Dayon**
I've heard of them before!
**[08:18] Dayon**
In this world, everyone has another
person who looks exactly like them,
**[08:23] Dayon**
and they call them doppelgangers—
**[08:26] Dayon**
A doppelganger?!
**[08:28] kimu**
Are you trying to imply
that I'm a doppelganger?!
***SIGN*** To those who use this park: No sleds allowed Don't live here No flying
**[08:33] Dayon**
Huh? U-Um, uh...
***SIGN*** Dog leash pine
**[08:35] Kimu**
Don't be ridiculous!
**[08:36] Dayon**
Y-You've got it all wrong!
**[08:38] Kimu**
But you just said I was a doppelganger!
**[08:41] Dayon**
That's not it! I just don't
know what's going on!
**[08:44] Dayon**
Please don't get mad!
**[08:46] Dayon**
D-Don't get mad...
**[08:53] Kimu**
You really do look just like me.
**[08:59] Kimu**
Dayon.
**[09:01] Kimu**
Look, Dayon. I'm sorry.
**[09:03] Kimu**
Don't be so scared.
It makes it hard to talk to you.
**[09:09] Kimu**
Here. I'll give you this,
so please forgive me.
**[09:16] Kimu**
What's wrong, Dayon?
**[09:20] Kimu**
Do you like this candy, too?
**[09:31] Kimu**
Imagine that! We really are the same!
**[09:37] Kimu**
By the way, Dayon, can I ask you something?
**[09:40] Dayon**
What is it?
**[09:41] Kimura**
How do you brush your teeth?
**[09:43] Kimura**
Since my mouth is so big, it takes
me at least thirty minutes to brush.
**[09:47] Dayon**
I know!
**[09:48] Dayon**
My toothpaste runs out so fast, and my
toothbrush always wears out so quickly.
**[09:52] Kimura**
Totally! That's a Dayon problem.
**[09:55] Dayon**
It's a Dayon problem!
**[10:00] Kimura**
By the way, are you married, Dayon?
**[10:03] Dayon**
Not yet, but I do have a best friend.
**[10:07] Kimura**
Best friend? What are they like?
**[10:09] Dayon**
He's always wandering around
in just his drawers.
**[10:12] Kimu**
What the heck? He sounds a bit dangerous.
**[10:14] Kimu**
Let's all go drinking sometime.
**[10:15] Dayon**
Okay!
**[10:19] Kimu**
Well, be careful.
**[10:22] Wife**
Please come back again, my second husband.
**[10:24] Girl**
Daddy number two!
**[10:25] Kid**
Bye-bye! See you again!
**[10:28] Both**
Bye-bye!
***SIGN*** Several Days Later
**[10:44] News**
*...to look into the matter further.*
***SIGN*** *And now for our next story.*
**[10:48] News**
*The man who was arrested for secretly*
***SIGN*** College Professor Caught Secretly
Filming Someone on the Train
**[10:50] News**
*filming someone was actually
a college professor.*
***SIGN*** Arrested on suspicion of secretly filming someone
Kimura Dayon (35)
**[10:52] news**
*The suspect, Kimura Dayon,
who works at Akatsuka University,*
**[10:56] news**
*was arrested for allegedly attempting
to film up a woman's skirt in a train.*
**[11:02] News**
*According to the police,
Kimura was in a mostly empty train car,*
**[11:07] News**
*and sat directly behind a woman...*
**[11:08] Dayon**
Oh, my...
**[11:11] Dayon**
You just never know...
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Iyami-san Is Troubled"
**[11:38] Prod**
Whoa! What are you doing, Iyami-san?!
**[11:42] Iya**
Oh, producer. Don't stop me.
**[11:46] Prod**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[11:47] Prod**
What are you doing?! Why?!
**[11:50] Iya**
Me doesn't feel like working on this anime,
*Mr. Osomatsu*, any longer.
**[11:55] Iya**
Don't stop me.
**[11:56] Prod**
No, really. What happened?
**[12:00] Iya**
Don't act dumb. You know exactly
what's wrong, don't you?
**[12:04] Prod**
Huh?
**[12:07] Iya**
Fine. Let me spell it out for you, then.
**[12:14] Iya**
Producer, don't you think that
I don't fit in on this show?
**[12:19] Prod**
Huh?
**[12:21] Prod**
Y-You don't?
**[12:23] Iya**
Correct.
**[12:25] Iya**
Me just can't seem to blend in
with the modern sextuplets
**[12:28] Iya**
and their excitable conversations.
**[12:30] Iya**
Me is the only one who doesn't fit in.
**[12:32] Iya**
There's distance, a gap...
**[12:33] Iya**
Even when me tries, there's just
something so Showa era about me.
**[12:39] Iya**
And there's nothing me can do about it.
**[12:42] Iya**
By the way, is me even popular?
**[12:45] Prod**
Huh? Uh...
**[12:47] Prod**
W-Well, of course...
**[12:49] Iya**
Me is not.
**[12:50] Prod**
Huh?
**[12:51] Iya**
The roles me has are suspiciously few,
and there's not much merchandise of me.
**[12:56] Iya**
The sextuplets basically make
the show. It's over for me.
**[13:01] Iya**
You know that one costume? Did you know?
**[13:04] Iya**
The very first one made was of me,
**[13:06] Iya**
but because the sextuplets are the
ones getting all of the offers,
**[13:09] Iya**
my costume is just sitting in a
dark warehouse somewhere in Chiba.
**[13:13] Iya**
Me is destined to be abandoned.
**[13:14] Prod**
That's not true, Iyami-san!
**[13:17] Prod**
This show is finished if you're gone!
Everyone thinks that!
**[13:25] Prod**
R-Really!
**[13:26] Prod**
Just a moment! I'll go
call someone real quick!
**[13:29] Prod**
Hey! Someone!
**[13:33] Both**
Iyami!
**[13:35] Oso**
What the heck are you talking about?
**[13:37] Oso**
Think about your notoriety!
**[13:39] Iya**
Notoriety?
**[13:40] Oso**
Everyone knows about you!
**[13:44] Oso**
Moms, dads... We sextuplets
can't even compare!
**[13:48] Chibi**
And you have that super famous
one-liner, "Sheeeh!"
**[13:53] Oso**
Yeah!
**[13:54] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[13:57] Oso**
Man, I'd kill to have a
one-liner as classic as that.
**[14:01] Iya**
Wouldn't the fact that
it's classic make it old?
**[14:06] Chibi**
Well, um... There's also...
**[14:09] Chibi**
Your teeth! You have your teeth!
**[14:11] Oso**
Yeah! You have those really unique teeth!
**[14:14] Iya**
And wouldn't you say that characters
with buck teeth are also dated?
**[14:17] Oso**
Also... that really unique way you talk!
**[14:21] Iya**
Really? You really think it fits
in with how people talk now?
**[14:24] Chibi**
And... you know! You've got
your whole France thing!
**[14:27] Iya**
Who the heck even idolizes
Paris that much anymore?
**[14:31] Iya**
All you see about France on the news
is politics, economy, refugees...
**[14:35] Iya**
It's all trouble!
**[14:36] Oso**
Oh, come on! Stop!
**[14:37] Chibi**
Just stop, you idjit! Don't say that, Iyami.
**[14:41] Oso**
President!
**[14:41] Chibi**
Iyami!
**[14:42] Oso**
President!
**[14:44] Iyami**
Don't call me President.
That's misleading in various ways.
**[14:50] Oso**
What should we do?
**[14:54] Iya**
Anyway, me thinks the fact
me doesn't fit in is a problem.
**[14:58] Oso**
Don't fit in? Does he stick out that badly?
**[15:01] Iya**
It's true!
**[15:03] Chibi**
Well, if you put it that way,
I'm in a lot of trouble, too.
**[15:07] Chibi**
I like oden, I'm bald, and I have
verbal tics like "idjit" and "damn it!"
**[15:11] Chibi**
I'm the epitome of the Showa era.
**[15:13] Iya**
No, you're safe, just barely.
**[15:15] Chibi**
Huh?
**[15:16] Iya**
Me feels like you're still able
to fit in with the others.
**[15:20] Iya**
Me realizes this.
**[15:24] Oso**
Hey, maybe this is all about relatability...
**[15:27] Both**
Relatability?
**[15:28] Oso**
I'm not sure, I'm not entirely sure,
**[15:31] Oso**
but I think in order to be liked,
you have to be relatable.
**[15:35] Oso**
Like when you watch someone and go,
"Hey! I went through that, too!"
**[15:39] Oso**
Or, "Yeah, I totally get that!"
Something like that.
**[15:41] Chibi**
Oh, like familiarity.
**[15:43] Oso**
Exactly! Iyami doesn't
have any... Like, at all!
**[15:47] Chibi**
Not... at all!
**[15:49] Oso**
You're just as shitty as the rest of us,
**[15:52] Oso**
but you're sort of on a high horse.
**[15:54] Chibi**
You're a shithead on another level.
**[15:56] Chibi**
So no one really feels like rooting
for you or cheering you on.
**[15:59] Oso**
Come down to Earth a bit more, Iyami.
**[16:03] Chibi**
Come on down, Iyami.
**[16:06] Oso**
But, you know...
**[16:09] Oso**
If he actually does come down,
he just won't be Iyami anymore.
**[16:12] Chibi**
Exactly! That's the hard part!
**[16:15] Oso**
Yeah. We want you to stay as you are, Iyami.
**[16:18] Chibi**
Actually, Iyami needs to stay Iyami.
**[16:20] Oso**
Okay, I guess we'll just
leave things as they are.
**[16:22] Chibi**
Yup, as is.
**[16:25] Iya**
Hold it!
**[16:27] Iya**
Why did you give up?!
**[16:29] Iya**
Think about this a little longer!
**[16:35] Chibi**
Hey, can I say something?
**[16:38] Chibi**
In my opinion, I think the
problem is the way you talk.
**[16:42] Oso**
The way he talks?
**[16:43] Chibi**
I mean, I've got my own tics,
but Iyami's pretty special.
**[16:47] Chibi**
That tic at the end of his sentences just
**[16:50] Chibi**
doesn't allow him to keep
up with conversations.
**[16:54] Iya**
Me feels the same way!
**[16:56] Iya**
You're pretty spot on!
**[16:58] Chibi**
Ain't I, though?
**[17:01] Iya**
It's finally clear!
**[17:04] Iya**
Me just has to change the way me talks!
**[17:07] Iya**
Then me won't be so out of place.
**[17:09] Both**
Huh?!
**[17:10] Oso**
Change the way... you talk?
**[17:12] Chibi**
Can you actually do that?
**[17:14] Iya**
Easy-peasy.
**[17:16] Iya**
Here we go.
**[17:18] Iya**
Seriously, how can I get more popular?
**[17:22] Iya**
No, really, what do you guys think?
**[17:24] Oso**
No, no, no, no!
**[17:25] Iya**
I'm Iyami.
**[17:26] Chib**
No, no, no, no!
**[17:27] Iya**
I'm, like, a huge star.
**[17:29] Oso**
Who the heck are you?
You're not Iyami anymore!
**[17:31] Oso**
You're like some boring president!
**[17:32] Iya**
Bring Jyushimatsu over here.
**[17:33] Iya**
That little shit's got a big
head since he got so popular.
**[17:35] Oso**
President, please stop!
**[17:36] Iya**
Huh? I mean, I even used to
sing the ending theme!
**[17:39] Chibi**
Suzu-san!
**[17:40] Iya**
I used to sing the damn ending!
**[17:42] Iya**
I thought I'd be way more popular!
I used to be the star!
**[17:45] Iya**
Sheeeh...
**[17:47] Iya**
It's no use...
**[17:49] Oso**
That was close... We almost
destroyed the Showa-era character.
**[17:54] Iya**
What should me do?
**[17:56] Iya**
All of my potential is going to waste.
**[18:00] Iya**
Come on, you two, think! Give me ideas!
**[18:04] Oso**
Well, then, why don't you think
of a new line other than "sheeeh"?
**[18:10] Chib**
Yeah, that's a good idea.
**[18:12] Chib**
Stop relying on sheeeh forever, man.
**[18:15] Oso**
Go beyond sheeeh, Iyami.
**[18:17] Chib**
Go beyond sheeeh, Iyami.
**[18:20] Iya**
G-Go beyond sheeeh?
**[18:22] Oso**
Go on.
**[18:23] Chib**
Go on.
**[18:24] Oso**
Come on, something new.
**[18:25] Chib**
Something new.
**[18:27] Oso**
Something that's super funny!
**[18:29] Chib**
Something that'd be super popular.
**[18:31] Both**
Hurry up.
**[18:36] Iya**
M-Me can't... Me...
**[18:39] Prod**
Are you still at it?
**[18:42] Prod**
A new line? There's absolutely
no point in that.
**[18:46] Prod**
Honestly,
**[18:46] Prod**
you coming up with something like that
on purpose isn't funny, and it's annoying!
**[18:52] Prod**
Hits and popularity are based on
sheer luck. Don't get the wrong idea.
**[18:55] Prod**
Also, even if you changed
it up now, there's no time.
**[18:58] Prod**
We only have two more episodes.
**[19:00] Prod**
Two more episodes until the last episode!
**[19:02] Prod**
So why are you wasting time like this?
**[19:05] Prod**
Could you work on that first?
Could you change that?
**[19:09] Prod**
Right, so let's give up a few things.
**[19:12] Prod**
Let's work hard on our last two episodes.
**[19:14] Prod**
Dismissed!
**[19:22] Oso**
Iyami!
**[19:24] Chibi**
Iyami!
**[19:24] Oso**
Iyami, don't!
**[19:26] Chibi**
Don't do it!
**[19:27] Oso**
It'll be okay! It'll be okay!
**[19:28] Chibi**
Yeah! You can get through two episodes!
**[19:30] Oso**
Iyami! Iyami!
***SIGN*** End
**[19:31] Chibi**
Iyami! Iyami!
**[19:31] Oso**
Just say sheeeh!
**[19:31] Chibi**
It'll be okay!
**[19:32] Oso**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya
***SIGN*** Jigae pot
***SIGN*** "The Late Night Himatsuya 3"
**[21:06] Choro**
So, what should we do about work?
**[21:08] Ichi**
We're basically reaching our time limit.
**[21:12] Kara**
But, you know...
**[21:13] All**
Huh?
**[21:14] Kara**
I just don't know what job I'm cut out to do.
**[21:18] Oso**
Oh, I see.
**[21:20] Jyu**
There's only one job for you,
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[21:23] Kara**
Huh?
**[21:24] Jyu**
A charismatic model!
**[21:25] Jyu**
A charismatic model?! Ah... I see.
**[21:29] Todo**
Because you're so hot!
**[21:30] Choro**
Your face scores 100! You're so sharp!
**[21:32] Oso**
Your body's pretty hot, too.
**[21:34] Ichi**
You're something else.
**[21:35] Jyu**
Something else!
**[21:36] Choro**
Okay! That's what I'll be, then!
**[21:39] All**
Yeah, totally!
**[21:42] Choro**
Hey! What about me?
**[21:44] Choro**
What work should I do?
**[21:46] Kara**
Become the Prime Minister! Duh!
**[21:48] Choro**
The Prime Minister, eh? I see...
**[21:51] Oso**
Because you're so reliable!
**[21:52] Todo**
And you're so righteous!
**[21:54] Ichi**
Please bring this country together.
**[21:56] Jyu**
Lead us fools.
**[21:57] Kara**
Lead us, Choromatsu!
**[21:59] Choro**
All right. I'll become
the Prime Minister, then.
**[22:01] All**
Yeah, totally!
**[22:03] Oso**
What about me?
**[22:04] Ichi**
The president of some super big company!
**[22:07] Oso**
President?! I knew it!
**[22:10] Todo**
I mean, you are the eldest.
**[22:11] Jyu**
You have the ability to
stand above the others!
**[22:13] Kara**
Men love you, too.
**[22:15] Choro**
Born with talent!
**[22:16] Ichi**
Amazing!
**[22:18] Oso**
Okay! I'll become a president!
**[22:20] All**
Yeah, totally!
**[22:22] Ichi**
What about me?
**[22:23] Todo**
You should be a doctor, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[22:25] Ichi**
A doctor? I see.
**[22:27] Jyu**
You have the kindness and finesse
to understand another's pain.
**[22:30] Oso**
You're attentive.
**[22:31] Kara**
And you're super smart.
**[22:33] Choro**
A wise cat always hides his claws!
**[22:35] Todo**
But we know how awesome you are!
**[22:37] Ichi**
Got it. I'll become a doctor.
**[22:38] All**
Yeah, totally!
**[22:41] Todo**
What about me?
**[22:42] Jyu**
A super rich celebrity!
**[22:44] Todo**
A celebrity, huh? Yeah,
I can't argue with that.
**[22:47] Choro**
Manual labor doesn't suit you.
**[22:49] Ichi**
You'll always be one of those
blessed guys at the top.
**[22:51] Kara**
That's what you were destined for.
**[22:52] Oso**
We're all hoping for your happiness.
**[22:55] Jyu**
We know it'll happen.
**[22:56] Todo**
Well, I guess I'll become a celebrity, then.
**[22:59] All**
Yeah, totally!
**[23:00] Jyu**
What about me?
**[23:02] Todo**
A gold medalist!
**[23:03] Jyu**
A gold medalist, huh? I see!
**[23:06] Kara**
You have the ability to
become a national star!
**[23:08] Ichi**
Superstar!
**[23:10] Choro**
Give Japan hope!
**[23:11] Oso**
Bring us happiness!
**[23:13] Todo**
Your aura's totally different!
**[23:14] Jyu**
Okay. I'll become a gold medalist, then.
**[23:17] Five**
Yeah, totally!
**[23:19] Oso**
Man, we're so amazing.
**[23:22] Oso**
A charismatic model,
the Prime Minister, a president,
**[23:25] Oso**
a doctor, a celebrity, and a gold medalist.
**[23:28] Oso**
We're such a group of winners!
We've basically already won.
**[23:32] Oso**
Hooray!
**[23:34] Five**
Hooray!
**[23:35] Oso**
Hooray!
**[23:36] Five**
Hooray!
***SIGN*** End
# E24 - Cherry Blossoms
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY4PVV336/cherry-blossoms)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Cherry Blossoms"
**[01:44] Mom**
You're late! What time do you think it is?!
**[01:46] Mom**
Honestly, waking up so
late every single day!
**[01:49] Oso**
Sorry...
**[01:51] Ichi**
Sorry...
**[01:52] Jyu**
Sorry.
**[01:54] Mom**
Jeez. Hurry up and eat your breakfast.
**[01:57] All**
'Kay...
**[02:08] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[02:09] Totty**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[02:10] Choro**
I haven't even had one yet.
**[02:12] Totty**
I haven't, either.
**[02:14] Todo**
The hell? Did someone eat two, then?
**[02:17] Choro**
Come on!
**[02:18] Oso**
Why are you looking at me? I only ate one!
**[02:21] Todo**
Here.
**[02:22] Todo**
As punishment, drink all of this soy sauce.
**[02:23] Oso**
I'm telling you I didn't take it!
**[02:25] Oso**
Come on, Karamatsu, say something!
**[02:28] Kara**
You definitely took it.
**[02:29] Oso**
Why?!
**[02:30] Oso**
False accusations!
That's a false accusation, sir!
**[02:36] Ichi**
Huh?
**[02:38] Ichi**
Huh?
**[02:42] Choro**
Come on, you're in the way.
**[02:44] Todo**
Go away.
**[02:45] Ichi**
Show some courtesy, you jerks!
**[02:47] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[02:48] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:49] Oso**
I told you, you jerks, you're in my way!
**[03:03] All**
We're heading out.
**[03:05] Mom**
Okay, see you boys later.
**[03:07] Mom**
I just see them off every time,
but I wonder where they go.
**[03:14] Mom**
Why?
**[03:20] Todo**
I'm still tired.
**[03:22] Jyu**
Did you watch yesterday?
**[03:23] Choro**
Watch what?
**[03:24] Jyu**
The show about giant creatures.
**[03:26] Kara**
Oh, that's on tonight.
**[03:28] Jyu**
Oh, it's tonight?
**[03:30] Oso**
It's starting to get warm again.
**[03:33] Ichi**
It's flower-viewing season.
**[03:34] Oso**
Cherry blossoms should start blooming soon.
**[03:36] Oso**
If we have time, going flower-viewing
wouldn't be a bad idea.
**[03:39] Choro**
Uh, we have time every day.
More than we know what to do with.
**[03:42] Jyu**
True.
**[03:48] Choro**
Todomatsu.
**[03:51] Choro**
Todomatsu?
**[03:52] Todo**
Hmm?
**[03:53] Choro**
Your phone's ringing.
**[03:55] Todo**
Oh.
**[03:57] Todo**
Huh? It's Mom.
**[04:01] Todo**
Yeah, hello?
**[04:03] Todo**
Yeah.
**[04:05] Todo**
Huh?
**[04:07] Todo**
What?!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
**[04:14] Kara**
Dad!
**[04:15] Jyu**
Dad?!
**[04:24] Choro**
Wh-What's going on?
**[04:27] Choro**
What happened? Hey!
**[04:28] Mom**
Calm down, for goodness' sake.
**[04:30] Ichi**
Dad!
**[04:31] Mom**
He's asleep!
**[04:32] Todo**
Dad!
**[04:33] Mom**
Stop it, all of you!
**[04:51] Mom**
Go on. Head on home.
**[04:56] Mom**
He'll be okay. The doctor also
said he'll be better in no time.
**[05:00] Mom**
Also, I need you to bring some towels
and a change of clothes from home.
**[05:05] Mom**
Okay? Please?
**[05:09] Oso**
Okay.
**[05:13] Oso**
Hey, let's go.
**[05:22] Oso**
Todomatsu.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[05:47] Dad**
* Looks like I've been asleep*
* for quite a while.*
**[05:51] Dad**
*It's probably time...*
**[05:55] Dad**
Dear, I have something serious
to discuss with you.
**[05:59] Mom**
What is it?
**[06:01] Dad**
I only need one.
**[06:04] Dad**
Could you go buy me a beer?
**[06:05] Mom**
No.
**[06:10] Dad**
*It didn't work.*
**[06:18] Jyu**
That sure startled me.
**[06:21] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[06:22] Choro**
I really panicked.
**[06:24] Kara**
Same here.
**[06:26] Todo**
But thank goodness he's okay.
**[06:29] All**
Yeah.
**[06:32] Choro**
It's our fault, isn't it?
**[06:34] All**
Huh?
**[06:35] Choro**
I mean, our whole family
basically depends on Dad.
**[06:39] Choro**
It's not surprising something
like this would happen.
**[06:42] Choro**
And there's six of us. We're so pathetic.
**[06:48] Oso**
What should we do now?
**[06:51] All**
Huh?
**[06:52] Oso**
Maybe we finally need
to do things properly.
**[06:56] Three**
Huh?
**[06:59] Kara**
Huh?
**[06:59] Oso**
Well, what I'm saying is,
we've sort of lazed through life.
**[07:05] Oso**
I was just thinking, maybe it's
time we did something about it.
**[07:08] Oso**
You know, like... f-find jobs?
**[07:12] Oso**
And, uh, become independent?
Or something like that...
**[07:19] Todo**
Wow, he actually said it.
**[07:21] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:22] Jyu**
This sucks. I never thought
he'd actually say it out loud.
**[07:25] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:26] Ichi**
Great. Now we can't ignore it anymore.
**[07:30] Choro**
We're gonna have to face it now.
**[07:32] Kara**
Jesus.
**[07:33] Oso**
Hey—
**[07:38] Oso**
What?! Why are you guys acting
like I did something wrong?
**[07:40] Oso**
I said something decent for once!
**[07:42] Todo**
What brought this on?
**[07:44] Todo**
It's not like we'd just accept
you suddenly trying to act
**[07:48] Todo**
like a proper older brother.
**[07:50] Jyu**
Actually, it's sort of creepy.
**[07:52] Ichi**
Gross.
**[07:53] Oso**
Tell me how you really feel...
**[07:55] Kara**
Can I say something?
**[07:56] All**
Huh?
**[07:57] Kara**
Sorry to completely cut off where
this conversation is going,
**[08:00] Kara**
but to be honest, finding jobs and
becoming independent sounds like a pain.
**[08:04] Todo**
What a pain! This sucks!
**[08:06] Jyu**
I wanna run away!
**[08:09] Oso**
I totally understand, but...
**[08:11] Ichi**
I actually have no confidence
I can do any of that.
**[08:14] Choro**
Yeah, it's just making me anxious.
**[08:16] Oso**
Don't worry about it.
It'll be easy as one, two, three.
**[08:20] Oso**
One, two, three, A, B, C. It'll be a cinch.
**[08:23] All**
Huh?
**[08:24] Oso**
One, two, three, A, B, C...
**[08:27] Choro**
What are you talking about?
**[08:28] Oso**
Finding a job? Becoming independent?
**[08:30] Oso**
It'll be easy as one,
two, three, and A, B, C.
**[08:32] Choro**
Oh, whatever. Where's that
confidence coming from, anyway?
**[08:39] Kara**
But we don't have any other
choice anymore, do we?
**[08:43] Ichi**
We really don't.
**[08:45] Jyu**
We have to do things properly.
**[08:47] ---**
Yeah.
**[08:54] Oso**
All right. Well, shall we?
**[09:02] All**
Let's go!
**[09:04] Kara**
All right, I accept!
**[09:05] All**
Huh?
**[09:06] Kara**
Let's be reborn, starting today.
**[09:08] Kara**
Let's show them what we can really do...
**[09:10] Kara**
Our awakened selves!
**[09:12] Kara**
Let's show them, brothers!
**[09:16] Kara**
Oh, did we not need that?
**[09:19] All**
Nope, nope.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** Dad Exams Wed, Fri every week
**[10:13] Oso**
Let's see...
**[10:15] Oso**
What else do I need to buy?
***SIGN*** We're hiring!
960 yen an hour
Students and
part-timers
welcome
***SIGN*** A Complete Guide to Getting Qualifications
**[10:28] Kara**
Qualifications, huh?
**[10:41] Todo**
Well, I'm headed this way.
**[10:42] Choro**
Okay.
**[10:43] Jyu**
See you later!
**[10:53] Todo**
Hello?
**[10:55] Todo**
Sorry, there was something
I wanted to talk to you about.
***SIGN*** Employment Agency
**[11:06] Kid**
Over here!
**[11:08] Kid**
Wait!
***SIGN*** We're hiring!
960 yen an hour
Students and
part-timers
welcome
**[11:45] TV**
*Give me all your money!*
**[11:46] Tv**
*Uh, we're a candy store.
We only have change.*
**[11:48] Tv**
*Give me all your money!*
**[11:49] Tv**
*We only have change!*
**[11:54] Oso**
Thanks for dinner.
**[11:55] Mom**
Sure.
**[11:57] Jyu**
I'm home.
**[12:00] Dad**
Welcome home.
**[12:02] Jyu**
So tired!
**[12:07] Oso**
Hey. Work?
**[12:08] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[12:10] Oso**
Wanna go to the bath?
**[12:11] Jyu**
Nah.
**[12:12] Oso**
'Kay.
**[12:14] Mom**
Oh, welcome home. Want some dinner?
**[12:16] Jyu**
Nope. I ate with everyone else.
**[12:29] Guy**
Give me an egg and one daikon.
**[12:30] Chibi**
You got it!
**[12:31] Guy**
Another beer, please.
**[12:32] Chibi**
Comin' up!
**[12:34] Chibi**
Ichimatsu, could you go clear some plates?
**[12:37] Ichi**
Sure.
**[12:39] Ichi**
Pardon me. I'll take your plates for you.
**[12:42] Kara**
Oh, brother!
**[12:44] Kara**
You came! Thank you!
**[12:46] Ichi**
Get away from me.
**[12:47] Kara**
Hey, guys! Let me introduce you
to the brother I love so much!
**[12:51] Ichi**
Yeah, let's not.
**[12:53] Ichi**
Just sit down and drink.
**[12:58] Guy**
Matsuno, everything you
say is so embarrassing.
**[13:01] Guy**
Yeah, totally.
**[13:03] Ichi**
Heh. He gets treated the same,
no matter where he goes.
***SIGN*** Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya
***SIGN*** Jigae pot
**[13:11] Guy**
Hey, Matsuno, hurry up!
**[13:13] Todo**
Coming!
**[13:16] Todo**
Sorry about that.
**[13:16] Guy**
What are you doing? You know you're
stuck with us until morning, right?
**[13:20] Todo**
Roger!
**[13:22] Guy**
I forgot. Can you hold your liquor?
**[13:24] Todo**
No doubt. I won't lose to Sugi-san.
**[13:26] Guy**
What? We'll just see about that!
**[13:47] Oso**
Who the...
**[13:50] Oso**
Jeez, that was you? That hurt, damn it.
**[13:55] Choro**
Did you hear about Dad?
**[13:58] Choro**
His levels went down.
**[14:04] Oso**
Huh... That's good.
**[14:07] ---**
Yeah.
**[14:11] Oso**
That hurt, you ass!
**[14:13] Choro**
Sorry.
***SIGN*** Tokyo
***SIGN*** Studio vs. 1K
What Are the "Deposit and Key Money"
That You Should Know About By Now?
What Are Front-End Payments?
***SIGN*** Chinese Restaurant
**[14:50] Guy**
Matsuno!
**[14:51] Oso**
Coming!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Mart
***SIGN*** No longer serving oden
**[14:56] Girl**
Thank you very much.
***SIGN*** Pay Matsuno Osomatsu
**[15:19] Oso**
Yes! Thank you!
**[15:23] Oso**
Oh, hey, Iyami!
**[15:25] Oso**
Where've you been?
I haven't seen you in forever.
**[15:27] Iya**
Ah, Karamatsu.
**[15:30] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[15:31] Oso**
What's with the get-up?
**[15:34] Iya**
Me is going to go find some buried treasure!
**[15:37] Oso**
Buried treasure?
**[15:38] Iya**
Right here.
**[15:40] Iya**
From what I've heard,
there's a bunch of treasure here.
**[15:44] Iya**
It's said to be worth one
billion yen! Sheeeh!
**[15:48] Iya**
Want to come? Me is feeling generous
and will let you come along.
**[15:53] Oso**
Oh...
**[15:55] Oso**
N-Nah, I'll pass.
**[15:58] Oso**
I have work tomorrow.
**[16:05] Oso**
That guy...
**[16:10] Iya**
Me is going to go look for buried treasure!
**[16:13] Deka**
So full of dreams!
**[16:15] Dayon**
I can't wait!
**[16:17] Hata**
I'm so excited, jo!
**[16:29] Oso**
I'm home.
**[16:33] Oso**
I'm home.
**[16:41] Oso**
I'm hom—
**[17:07] Ichi**
What's up?
**[17:09] Oso**
Where are the others?
**[17:10] Ichi**
Huh?
**[17:11] Oso**
Where's Todomatsu?
**[17:14] Ichi**
Huh? Uh, I don't know.
**[17:17] Oso**
What about Jyushimatsu? And Choromatsu?
**[17:21] Oso**
And Karamatsu?
**[17:22] Ichi**
Huh? I don't know.
**[17:27] Ichi**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[17:37] Girl 1**
Isn't that insane?
**[17:38] Girl 2**
Yeah, totally.
**[18:50] Toto**
Osomatsu-kun?
**[18:59] Oso**
When my dad collapsed, I was really scared.
**[19:04] Oso**
What if he dies? What's
going to happen to us?
**[19:09] Oso**
What's Mom going to do?
**[19:14] Oso**
So I thought about it real hard.
**[19:18] Oso**
But should it really be like this?
**[19:21] Oso**
I just don't know. I don't.
**[19:24] Oso**
Am I proper now? What does
that even mean, anyway?
**[19:29] Oso**
How the hell should I know?
**[19:35] Oso**
I also feel a bit lonely...
**[19:38] Oso**
We're all separated now...
**[19:41] Oso**
Things just don't seem
to go like they used to.
**[19:47] Oso**
But I guess that can't be helped.
**[19:50] Oso**
It can't be helped? It can't?
**[19:54] Oso**
Really?
**[19:58] Oso**
Am I cool?
**[20:02] Oso**
Am I okay? Am I still Osomatsu?
**[20:06] Toto**
But you were never cool to
begin with, Osomatsu-kun.
**[20:12] Oso**
I see. I guess you're right.
**[20:19] Oso**
After seeing Dad like that,
we all worked really hard.
**[20:23] Oso**
That's a good thing. I know that.
**[20:26] Oso**
But you know, there's a part of
me that thinks it doesn't matter.
**[20:31] Oso**
I mean, it doesn't, does it?
**[20:32] Oso**
The fact that Dad collapsed, and us...
**[20:35] Oso**
I think that's why I feel
like something's not right.
**[20:38] Oso**
I want to decide things for myself,
**[20:41] Oso**
but I just can't seem to decide lately.
**[20:46] Oso**
I wonder what the others think...
**[20:52] Toto**
Why don't you decide for yourself?
**[20:55] Toto**
You just said that.
**[20:58] Toto**
That you want to decide things for yourself.
**[21:17] Oso**
I guess I'll go home.
**[21:19] Oso**
Sorry about that.
That must've been really boring.
**[21:22] Toto**
Yeah, it was super boring.
**[21:24] Oso**
What?!
**[21:38] Oso**
Totoko-chan.
**[21:39] Toto**
Hmm?
**[21:41] Oso**
Thanks.
**[21:42] Toto**
No problem!
**[21:51] Oso**
All right, gather round!
**[21:54] Oso**
Gather round! Gather round!
**[21:56] Choro**
Shut the hell up!
**[21:58] Todo**
What the hell are you thinking?
**[21:59] Kara**
Do you know what time it is?
**[22:00] Ichi**
I'll kill you!
**[22:01] Jyu**
Imma kill you!
**[22:04] Oso**
Well, it's actually not that big of a deal.
**[22:08] Oso**
There's just something
I want to say to you guys.
**[22:13] All**
Huh?
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next Time: The Final Episode!!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:49] Oso**
So, next time is the final episode!
**[23:51] All**
Watch it!
# E25 - Mr. Osomatsu in Hell
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6QWJ92Q6/mr-osomatsu-in-hell)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:06] Oso**
Well, it's actually not that big of a deal.
**[00:10] Oso**
There's just something
I want to say to you guys.
**[00:14] All**
Huh?
**[00:16] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Treasure hunting!
**[00:20] Iyami**
Treasure hunting by yourself is always best!
**[00:23] Iyami**
Me will be the only one getting rich!
Me will be the only one who's happy!
**[00:31] Iyami**
Sheh!
**[00:32] Oso**
So... I've been thinking...
**[00:37] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:44] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[02:32] Choro**
Huh?
**[02:33] Choro**
Where are we?
**[02:35] Kara**
What is this place?
**[02:37] Jyu**
What happened?
**[02:39] Todo**
No idea. I have no idea, but...
**[02:42] Todo**
We're wearing white robes, right?
**[02:44] All**
Yeah.
**[02:45] Todo**
We have this triangle thing
on our heads, right?
**[02:47] All**
Yeah.
**[02:48] Todo**
And that's a river, right?
**[02:49] All**
Yeah.
**[02:50] Todo**
And the dead are going
across that river, right?
**[02:53] All**
Yeah...
**[02:54] Todo**
We're dead, aren't we?
**[02:59] Choro**
We're dead!
**[03:00] Jyu**
Seriously?!
**[03:02] Kara**
What's going on? How did this happen?!
**[03:04] Todo**
I don't remember a thing!
**[03:07] Ichi**
Yeah, but... there's nothing we can do, right?
**[03:10] Ichi**
Today's the last episode.
**[03:13] Ichi**
It's all over today, anyway.
**[03:14] All**
Ah...
**[03:16] All**
I see!
**[03:18] Kara**
Good point. It's the end,
so all that's left is for us to die.
***SIGN*** "Mr. Osomatsu in Hell"
**[03:21] Jyu**
No wonder we're dead!
**[03:23] Choro**
We're so dead!
**[03:24] Todo**
Done for!
**[03:25] Ichi**
Great work, guys.
**[03:27] Jyu**
Thanks!
**[03:28] All**
Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:30] All**
Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:32] All**
Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:34] All**
Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:36] All**
Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:36] Choro**
What's wrong?
**[03:38] All**
Underworld... Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:38] Oso**
I just...
**[03:40] All**
Underworld... Underworld, Underworld!
**[03:40] Oso**
have a feeling I've forgotten
something really important.
**[03:44] Choro**
Something important?
**[03:45] Choro**
Oh, yeah. You were about to say
something right before we died...
**[03:50] Oso**
What was it?
**[03:51] Oso**
I can't shake the feeling that I was
supposed to tell you guys something.
**[03:55] Oso**
Um...
**[04:06] Nya**
I didn't hang out with you guys much,
but rest in peace.
**[04:12] Chibi**
Dekapan!
**[04:13] Chibi**
Are those supposed to be
your funeral clothes?
**[04:15] Deka**
They are.
**[04:20] Choro**
So...
**[04:22] Choro**
What's this really important thing?
**[04:26] Kara**
Hey!
**[04:27] Kara**
It looks like we're here.
**[04:31] Oni**
Welcome, souls of the dead!
***SIGN*** Good
**[04:34] Oni**
This is the room of judgment,
where we will decide
***SIGN*** Bad
**[04:38] Oni**
whether you'll go to Heaven
**[04:41] Oni**
or get thrown into Hell!
**[04:43] Todo**
Yup. Got it.
**[04:44] Oni**
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it!
**[04:48] Oni**
This is the one who'll decide where you go.
**[04:52] Oni**
The great King Enma!
***SIGN*** Chairman
**[05:05] Bros**
Huh?
**[05:07] Bros**
Wait, what?!
**[05:09] Bros**
Huh?
**[05:11] Ichi**
That's Hijirisawa Shonosuke, isn't it?
**[05:13] Jyu**
Yup.
**[05:14] Kara**
What's going on?
**[05:16] Enma**
I'm King Enma.
**[05:18] All**
Huh?
**[05:18] Enma**
I'm Enma.
**[05:20] All**
Huh?!
**[05:21] Enma**
I've been keepin' an eye on your daily
lives for the sake of this day,
**[05:26] Enma**
observin' to see if y'all were good or bad.
**[05:32] Enma**
But in reality...
**[05:41] Enma**
I'm King Enma.
**[05:42] All**
What?!
**[05:44] Oso**
You are?!
**[05:45] Todo**
That startled me!
**[05:47] Enma**
Okay, I'm gonna judge y'all now.
**[05:50] Enma**
And to Hell y'all go.
**[05:53] Choro**
Wait! That was too fast!
***SIGN*** To Hell
**[05:57] Todo**
That's dangerous! The hell
are you doing, Enma?!
**[05:59] Ichi**
Enma, you jerk!
**[06:00] Choro**
What the hell?!
**[06:01] Jyu**
Don't mess with us!
**[06:05] Toto**
On March 26th, the six of them
unfortunately passed on.
**[06:10] Toto**
Their lifelong career as NEETs
was cut all too short,
**[06:14] Toto**
and they were headed toward recovery,
so this is truly tragic.
**[06:19] Toto**
They were all wonderful people,
and I only have great memories.
**[06:22] Toto**
For example...
**[06:24] Toto**
Uh... For example...
**[06:27] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:30] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:31] Oso**
Why are we being sent to Hell?!
**[06:34] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[06:35] Enma**
Well, ya ain't goin' to
Heaven! Why would you?
**[06:38] Oso**
There're plenty of reasons!
We've done so many good things!
**[06:42] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[06:44] Enma**
Fer example?
**[06:45] Oso**
For example?
**[06:49] Oso**
For example, you know...
**[06:52] Oso**
Totty.
**[06:53] Todo**
Hmm?
**[06:53] Oso**
Tell the man.
**[06:54] Todo**
What?!
**[06:55] Todo**
Well, y-you know... For example...
**[06:59] Todo**
Like helping people out?
**[07:01] Todo**
Also, we may or may not have
treated our parents well...
**[07:04] Todo**
I think I've heard rumors of such.
**[07:07] Enma**
Couldja be more specific?
**[07:08] Todo**
Specific? Well, Jyushimatsu-niisan
can tell you all about that.
**[07:13] Jyu**
Huh?!
**[07:13] Jyu**
Uh... Well, anyway, we lived lives
worthy of an eternity in Heaven.
**[07:19] Enma**
Like, how so?
**[07:21] Jyu**
How so, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[07:23] Ichi**
Huh?! I'm sure Choromatsu-niisan
will tell you.
***SIGN*** Good
**[07:26] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
You tell him, Karamatsu-niisan.
***SIGN*** Bad
**[07:30] Kara**
Wow! Tell him, Osomatsu.
**[07:32] Oso**
Huh?! No, you guys tell him!
**[07:34] Oso**
We've done lots of good things!
**[07:37] Jyu**
For example?
**[07:37] Oso**
Huh?! For example... What did we do again?
**[07:42] Kara**
It just so happens I can't remember.
**[07:44] Choro**
Yeah, funny story...
**[07:45] All**
Yup.
**[07:46] Enma**
Y'all done?
**[07:47] All**
Wait!
**[07:49] Choro**
You've got it all wrong! I mean, yeah,
these bastards are bound for Hell,
**[07:53] Choro**
but I deserve to go to Heaven.
**[07:55] All**
Huh?!
**[07:56] Choro**
I mean, I'm so earnest, and I work so hard!
**[07:59] Choro**
So I get to go to Heaven, right?
**[08:03] Kara**
It's me who should go to Heaven!
**[08:05] Kara**
Why is someone as cool and
kind as me going to Hell?
**[08:09] Kara**
Wake up.
**[08:10] Ichi**
You wake up!
**[08:11] Ichi**
I'm the only one who
deserves to go to Heaven,
**[08:13] Ichi**
because I'm the only one who
acknowledges I'm trash.
**[08:15] Ichi**
I'm humble, reserved...
I'm a really good person.
**[08:19] Todo**
How?!
**[08:20] Todo**
King Enma! I don't think
I deserve Heaven at all!
**[08:20] Oni**
Yeah, I think it might take a little longer...
Huh? There's a huge line?
**[08:23] Todo**
Because I'm a terrible person!
I regret everything I've done, so...
**[08:24] Oni**
Yeah, sorry about that.
**[08:25] Jyushi**
Would you stop with that ploy?!
**[08:29] Jyu**
I should go to Heaven!
**[08:30] Jyu**
Because I'm the funniest
and the most popular! Thanks!
**[08:34] Oso**
Shut up!
**[08:35] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[08:35] Oso**
Just hurry up and send me to Heaven!
**[08:38] Oso**
These guys deserve Hell. Because...
**[08:41] Oso**
That's just the man I am.
**[08:42] Choro**
The hell are you talking about?!
**[08:44] Kara**
Brother! Hurry up and go to Hell!
**[08:46] Ichi**
No, you're going to Hell!
**[08:48] Todo**
You shitty NEET!
**[08:49] Jyu**
You're a shitty NEET, too!
**[08:53] Enma**
Hey!
**[08:55] Enma**
So, what'd y'all decide?
**[08:57] Enma**
Point to the person y'all think
should go to Hell when I say so.
**[09:00] Enma**
Here we go. Ready, and...
**[09:03] Enma**
And done.
***SIGN*** To Hell
**[09:09] Enma**
Have a nice time in Hell!
**[09:18] Chibi**
Hey! What're you doing?!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Funeral
**[09:21] Chibi**
You guys...
**[09:23] Both**
Wait!
**[09:28] Toto**
What? You're taking them in that truck?
**[09:31] Dad**
We couldn't afford anything else.
**[09:33] Dad**
But this is more than enough
for our idiots, anyway.
**[09:37] Toto**
Probably.
**[09:41] Mom**
Well, see you later.
**[09:43] Deka**
Be careful.
**[09:45] Dayon**
We'll catch up with you later.
**[09:47] Hata**
Bye-bye, jo.
**[10:06] Toto**
Chibita-kun?
**[10:17] Jyu**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[10:17] Choro**
Ow! It hurts! It hurts!
**[10:20] Jyu**
The hell are you doing?!
**[10:22] Todo**
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
**[10:23] Kara**
Hot! Hot!
**[10:25] Todo**
Hot, hot!
**[10:26] Todo**
Take that!
**[10:28] Todo**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[10:37] Oso**
Huh? They grew back.
**[10:39] Lady**
Okay, one more time.
**[10:40] Oso**
Huh?
**[10:52] Jyushi**
Bring it!
**[10:58] Jyushi**
One more!
**[10:59] Both**
That's enough!
**[11:03] Jyu**
Not done yet!
**[11:04] Both**
Thank you, we're done.
**[11:07] Jyu**
Not done yet!
**[11:08] Both**
No more!
**[11:09] Jyu**
Not done yet!
**[11:10] Both**
No more!
**[11:11] Jyu**
Not done yet...
**[11:12] Both**
Jyushimatsu...
**[11:17] Girls**
Kara-chun, wait!
**[11:18] Kara**
No!
**[11:27] Oni**
Double riichi.
**[11:29] Oni**
Double riichi.
**[11:31] Oni**
Double riichi.
**[11:35] All**
Ron. Kokushi musou.
**[11:37] Oso**
What?!
**[11:44] Girl 1**
He's so Osomatsu!
**[11:45] Girl 2**
So lame!
**[11:47] Girl**
What is that?
**[11:48] Girl**
He's so small!
**[11:49] Oso**
This really is Hell...
**[11:52] Guy**
All right, I'm now going to read Totty's
essays from middle school.
**[11:57] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[11:58] Guy**
"I Want to Be a Flower,"
by Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[12:00] Todo**
Wait! This is way too Hellish! Wait!
**[12:02] Guy**
"Flowers are beautiful. Flowers are pretty."
**[12:04] Todo**
Wait!
**[12:06] Guy**
"I want to make my own flower
bloom. I will, one day, bloom."
**[12:09] Todo**
There it is! The clause swap!
**[12:10] Todo**
Everyone does it, right? Right? Right?
**[12:12] guy**
"Blooming bathed in sunlight is the flower."
**[12:14] todo**
Ending the sentence with a noun!
It just happens, am I right? Right?!
**[12:17] guy**
"But I don't plan to compete with
the other flowers with my beauty."
**[12:21] Todo**
That's enough, isn't it?!
**[12:22] Guy**
"Because I don't have to be number one."
**[12:25] Todo**
Uh, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea...
**[12:26] Guy**
"Because I'm me, the only one."
**[12:29] Todo**
Yeah, I think I've heard that phrase before!
**[12:31] Todo**
Stuff like that happens... in middle school.
**[12:34] Guy**
Next, we have the high school edition.
**[12:36] Guy**
"The sky I saw on that day..."
**[12:37] Todo**
Seriously, that's enough!
**[12:41] Ichi**
Ow!
**[12:42] Choro**
Hot!
**[12:47] Ichi**
One more time.
**[12:49] Todo**
Wait, why are you on that side?
**[12:51] Guy**
"My Best Friend," by Matsuno Ichimatsu.
**[12:56] ---**
Appirakonpirange!
**[13:01] Guy**
Good job.
***SIGN*** Hell Stamp Card
Go for Reincarnation
**[13:03] Guy**
Just 80 quadrillion, 60 billion years
until your next reincarnation.
**[13:06] Guy**
Keep it up.
**[13:13] Kara**
Hey, look over there.
**[13:15] Oni**
Work! King Enma hates the dark!
**[13:18] Kara**
I thought I hadn't seen them in a while.
**[13:20] Oni**
Put your heart into it and turn!
**[13:20] Kara**
I guess they died, too.
**[13:22] Todo**
So this is where they were.
**[13:24] Ichi**
Hey, over there.
**[13:28] Ichi**
Looks like he died, too.
**[13:30] Todo**
Robots can die?
**[13:40] Choro**
This really is the end.
**[13:42] Todo**
I've had it...
**[13:43] Kara**
I can't...
**[13:45] Ichi**
Good work, guys.
**[13:47] Jyus**
Thanks.
**[13:50] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[13:52] Oso**
Iyami?
**[13:54] Iya**
Move! The treasure's waiting for me!
**[13:57] Iya**
Me is going treasure hunting!
**[14:00] Oso**
Treasure hunting?
**[14:06] Oso**
I remember!
**[14:08] Choro**
Remember what?
**[14:08] Oso**
You know! The thing I forgot!
**[14:11] Choro**
Finally?! You remember?
**[14:13] Oso**
Yeah!
**[14:13] Todo**
What?
**[14:13] Kara**
What is it?
**[14:15] Oso**
Listen up, guys...
**[14:22] Oso**
We've gone to Hell, so we've
pretty much given up, but...
**[14:29] Oso**
Weren't we all...
**[14:31] Oso**
still virgins?
**[14:33] Choro**
Huh?
**[14:34] Choro**
Er...
**[14:35] Choro**
Um...
**[14:37] Choro**
No, no...
**[14:38] All**
True!
**[14:39] Choro**
No, no, no!
**[14:39] Kara**
That's right! We were still virgins!
**[14:42] Jyu**
And yet we died?! Did we give up?
**[14:44] Ichi**
How stupid...
**[14:45] Todo**
Crap! We have to hurry up and be reborn!
**[14:48] Choro**
Hold it!
**[14:50] Choro**
Weren't you going to tell us something
really important right before we died?!
**[14:55] Choro**
What happened to the
rest of that conversation?!
**[14:57] Oso**
Huh? Say what?
**[14:58] Choro**
Huh?!
**[14:59] Ichi**
Choro-chan, who even cares about
that lame-ass topic right now?
**[15:03] Ichi**
We died as virgins.
That's way more important, isn't it?
**[15:09] Choro**
True!
**[15:10] Ichi**
Right.
**[15:12] Chibi**
Sensei, we can't just give up...
**[15:16] Hata**
It's so lonely, jo!
**[15:17] Deka**
Can't you do something?
**[15:20] Dayon**
Please do something!
**[15:22] Toto**
Please, Sensei!
**[15:23] Choro**
What are we going to do?!
**[15:25] Choro**
I wanna do it now! I wanna go back now!
**[15:27] Kara**
Yeah, but...
**[15:29] Oso**
Ugh! Jeez!
**[15:30] All**
What are we gonna do?!
**[15:33] All**
Do something, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[15:42] Jyu**
Hey, look!
**[15:53] Todo**
Wait, if we climb that,
will we be brought back to life?
**[15:56] Todo**
Seriously?!
**[15:57] Kara**
All right, you virgins!
Time to come back to life!
**[16:00] All**
Yeah!
**[16:01] Enma**
Hang on there.
**[16:04] Enma**
Y'all died.
**[16:06] Enma**
Give it up!
**[16:10] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[16:11] Ichi**
Let go!
**[16:12] Jyu**
Hurgh!
**[16:13] Kara**
We still...
**[16:14] Todo**
Sensei!
**[16:15] All**
Save us!
**[16:20] Jyu**
What are you laughing at?!
**[16:22] Ichi**
Get a grip, Fujio!
**[16:23] Kara**
Save us, Fujio!
**[16:24] Choro**
You bastard creator!
**[16:27] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[16:32] Toto**
Take that!
**[16:35] All**
What?!
**[16:41] All**
E-Everyone!
**[16:43] Todo**
Why are you here? How?!
**[16:47] Chibi**
You guys still haven't paid your tab.
**[16:50] Chibi**
Who gave you permission to die,
you idjits, damn it?!
**[16:53] Toto**
Honestly!
**[16:55] Toto**
Hurry up and come back to life...
**[16:57] Toto**
and flatter me to death!
**[16:59] Hata**
Friends, jo!
**[17:02] Deka**
It's not over yet!
**[17:03] Dayon**
Don't give up yet, young men!
**[17:06] Five**
Leave this to us, and go!
**[17:10] Todo**
Everyone... Thank you.
**[17:13] Kara**
Let's go!
**[17:27] Six**
We're finished!
**[17:32] Six**
Y-You're...
**[17:34] Six**
Propershitter!
**[17:37] Todo**
Leave this to us.
**[17:40] Jyu**
We can't let them finish you just yet.
**[17:42] Ichi**
We are all one.
**[17:44] Choro**
Give us another chance.
**[17:48] Kara**
We've already got our new song ready.
**[17:50] Oso**
Don't worry. We sextuplets are invincible.
**[17:54] Oso**
Okay...
**[17:55] Oso**
Here we go, guys!
**[17:58] All**
F6!
**[18:11] All**
They're doing it properly!
**[18:13] Kara**
Why are you just standing there?!
**[18:15] Jyu**
Get brought back to life and Seccross!
**[18:16] All**
Yeah!
**[18:18] Chibi**
We're not...
**[18:19] Toto**
...the only ones on your side!
**[18:22] Both**
Run and don't look back!
**[18:26] Oso**
Sousou!
**[18:27] Choro**
Maikomatsu!
**[18:29] Todo**
Everyone!
**[18:33] Sane**
Brothers!
**[18:35] Sane**
Brothers!
**[18:38] Six**
Sanematsu!
**[18:39] Jyu**
You're dead, too? I guess
I had a feeling you might be!
**[18:44] Jyu**
Nice, Sanematsu!
**[18:45] Kara**
Run!
**[19:07] Osom**
We're not going to let it end...
**[19:10] All**
...like this!
**[19:12] Oso**
All right!
**[19:18] Oso**
Huh?! What the hell are you doing, Iyami?
**[19:23] Ichi**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[19:24] Jyu**
Iyami!
**[19:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh! It's going to break!
**[19:31] Kara**
Hey!
**[19:33] Iya**
Stay back! Get off!
**[19:38] Oso**
Why, you...
**[19:39] Iya**
Osomatsu!
**[19:40] Oso**
Iyami!
**[19:50] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:58] All**
Final Propershitter!
**[20:29] Choro**
Wait, what are you going to do?!
**[20:31] Todo**
No way!
**[20:35] Chibi**
Go!
**[20:37] Six**
Stop!
**[20:45] All**
Sheeeh!
**[21:12] Chibi**
What happened?
**[21:13] Deka**
Did they make it?
***SIGN*** Next Life
***SIGN*** Sextuplets
**[21:32] Oso**
We're back!
**[21:34] All**
We're back!
**[21:36] Dad**
W-Welcome back?
**[21:38] Mom**
Welcome back...
**[21:45] Todo**
Our bodies decayed!
**[21:47] Choro**
Shit! I'm on fire!
**[21:48] Kara**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[21:49] Ichi**
Hey, my eyeball fell out.
**[21:50] Jyu**
My dick fell off, too!
**[21:52] Oso**
What was the point in coming back to life?!
**[21:54] Choro**
The hell?!
**[21:54] Jyu**
Crap! My balls fell off, too!
**[21:56] Oso**
Seriously?!
**[21:57] Kara**
What the hell?!
***SIGN*** Iyami's grave
**[22:04] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** End Card Illustration Asano Naoyuki
***SIGN*** See you again someday!!
**[23:39] Oso**
Well, everyone...
**[23:40] Six**
Thank you for watching!
**[23:45] All**
Great job!
**[23:47] All**
Great job, great job, great job!
**[23:47] Todo**
It's over.
**[23:49] Oso**
Yeah, it's over.
**[23:50] Some**
So, what do you wanna do now?
**[23:52] Choro**
What else? Let's get some prostitutes.
**[23:54] Todo**
Prostitutes?
**[23:55] Oso**
Is that where this is going?
# Movie
# M1 - Mr. Osomatsu THE MOVIE
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR9V1XG86/mr-osomatsu-the-movie)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:12] Guy**
Hey, Uchikawa! It's been forever!
**[01:15] Guy**
It has!
**[01:16] Guy**
It's been since graduation,
hasn't it? How've you been?
**[01:18] Guy**
Great!
***SIGN*** Asian Dining
Bamboo
Reserved for
Akatsuka High School
66th Class Reunion
**[01:20] Guy**
All right, now,
**[01:22] Guy**
I'd like to officially begin the reunion of the
66th graduating class of Akatsuka High School.
**[01:28] Guy**
Everyone has a drink, right?
**[01:31] Guy**
Okay, all together, everyone! Cheers!
**[01:35] All**
Cheers!
**[01:38] Girl**
It's great to see you.
**[01:39] Girl**
Hey, let me join you.
**[01:45] Guy**
You're bald!
**[01:47] Girl**
What?!
**[01:48] Girl**
You got married?!
**[01:49] Girl**
No way!
**[01:49] Girl**
Wait, when?
**[01:52] Choro**
That takes me back!
**[01:52] Totty**
You look like you lost some weight.
You're even cuter now.
**[01:55] Guy**
Dude, that's insane!
**[01:57] Guy**
I know, right?
**[01:59] Oso**
That's insane, all right.
**[02:00] Kara**
You can take my picture if you want.
**[02:02] Jyu**
Hey, Ichimatsu-niisan! Let's go over there!
**[02:05] Jyu**
They already did the toast!
**[02:06] Ichi**
I'm fine right here.
**[02:07] Jyu**
Come on! Come on!
**[02:08] Ichi**
No, really, I'm fine right here.
**[02:11] Jyu**
Come on!
**[02:11] Ichi**
I'm fine, Jyushimatsu!
**[02:14] Guy**
Oh, Yowai-san.
**[02:16] Guy**
It's been a while.
You look as cute as ever, I see.
**[02:20] Toto**
Yeah, I know.
**[02:22] Girl**
Totoko-chan's so cute.
**[02:24] Toto**
I know.
**[02:25] Girls**
So cute!
**[02:25] Toto**
Oh, I know. I know.
**[02:26] Toto**
Yup, I know.
**[02:27] Toto**
Thanks, I know.
**[02:29] Toto**
I'm very aware. Thanks.
**[02:31] Toto**
Yup, I know.
**[02:32] Lady**
Really? She's not even trying
to deny it or act humble.
**[02:36] Lady**
Wow.
**[02:37] Toto**
Hm? Did you say something, uggo?
**[02:43] Glasses**
But you know...
**[02:45] Glasses**
You sextuplets sure have changed.
**[02:48] Oso**
Have we?
**[02:49] Girl**
Yeah! You're so different now compared
to when you were in high school.
**[02:53] Glasses**
Yeah, totally.
**[02:54] Choro**
Really? We can't tell
the difference ourselves.
**[02:58] Jyu**
I don't really remember high school at all.
**[03:00] Totty**
But you know, I'm glad we ended up
coming to the reunion after all.
**[03:05] Jyu**
Yeah! It's a lot of fun!
**[03:07] Kara**
I'm so happy to see all my friends again!
**[03:11] Kara**
This reunion is the best!
**[03:13] All**
The best!
**[03:16] Oso**
I'm gonna go take a leak.
**[03:19] Choro**
Be careful on your way home.
**[03:20] Oso**
I'm not going home yet! I'm taking a leak!
**[03:22] Choro**
Yeah, sure.
**[03:23] Ichi**
Hey, should we drink a little more?
**[03:26] Totty**
Aw, if you insist.
**[03:30] Glasses**
Hey, by the way, what are
all of you guys doing now?
**[03:34] All**
Huh?!
**[03:35] Glasses**
Are you students, or did
you start working somewhere?
**[03:41] Glasses**
What's up?
**[03:43] Glasses**
Wait, what's with those faces?
**[03:45] Glasses**
Why'd you suddenly shut yourselves off?
**[03:47] Glasses**
Uh, hello?!
**[03:48] Choro**
Wh-What do you mean?
**[03:50] Glasses**
I mean... I was just wondering what
you guys have been up to lately.
**[03:54] Jyu**
Well, if you're asking what we're "doing"...
**[03:57] Kara**
Oh, you know. We've got lots going on.
**[03:59] Ichi**
Yeah, lots.
**[04:00] Choro**
Right, lots!
**[04:05] Totty**
I'm a salaryman.
**[04:10] Girl**
Wow, you're a salaryman, Todomatsu-kun?
**[04:13] Totty**
Yes. I am.
**[04:16] All**
*He lied!*
**[04:17] Choro**
*That bastard went and did it!*
**[04:19] Choro**
* He's acting like he's the*
* only one of us with a job!*
**[04:21] Kara**
* You're trying to get ahead,*
* aren't you, Totty?!*
**[04:22] Kara**
* You're trying to leave us behind*
* and act like the cool one!*
**[04:25] Ichi**
*Curse you, Dry Monster.*
**[04:27] Ichi**
*You won't get away with that!*
**[04:28] Glasses**
So, what about the rest of you?
**[04:30] Glasses**
What are you doing right now, Jyushimatsu?
**[04:33] jyu**
Huh? Um...
**[04:35] jyu**
I'm a salaryman, I guess.
**[04:37] Both**
Huh?
**[04:38] Glasses**
You're also a salaryman?
**[04:39] Girl**
The same job as Todomatsu-kun?
**[04:41] Totty**
*Hey! Why are you copying me?!*
**[04:43] Todo**
*Come up with your own lie!*
**[04:44] Todo**
*Otherwise they'll know I'm lying, too!*
**[04:47] Glasses**
What about you, Ichimatsu?
**[04:48] Ichi**
Huh? I'm a salaryman.
**[04:49] Glasses**
And you, Choromatsu?
**[04:50] Choro**
I'm a salaryman.
**[04:51] Glasses**
And you, Karamatsu?
**[04:52] Kara**
I am a salaryman.
**[04:53] Glasses**
What?! You're all salarymen?
What kind of coincidence is that?
**[04:57] Todo**
No, no, no, no, no! We just
all happened to, uh, yeah...
**[04:59] Todo**
I guess miracles do happen sometimes!
**[05:02] Todo**
It's so weird!
**[05:06] Girl**
I see.
**[05:08] Girl**
So you're all working for some company
now. You've grown up so much.
**[05:11] All**
Huh?
**[05:12] Glasses**
That's really great.
**[05:13] All**
Huh? Great?
**[05:14] All**
Nah, nah, nah, it's not a huge deal.
**[05:17] Jyu**
I mean, we're adults in our twenties.
Of course we're working.
**[05:21] Todo**
Yeah, totally! It's completely normal!
**[05:23] Girl**
So what company do you work for?
**[05:25] All**
Huh?!
**[05:26] Girl**
And where is it?
**[05:28] All**
Huh?!
**[05:29] Kara**
Well...
**[05:34] Glasses**
That's pretty suspicious.
**[05:36] Glasses**
Are you guys lying?
**[05:38] Girl**
What? Are you?
**[05:39] Choro**
No, no, no! Of course not!
**[05:41] Kara**
We're not!
**[05:42] Ichi**
Why would we lie about that?
**[05:43] Todo**
Yeah!
**[05:45] Jyu**
Hey! Don't underestimate us!
**[05:48] All**
Don't underestimate us!
**[05:49] Girl**
Oh, I know.
**[05:50] All**
Huh?!
**[05:51] Girl**
Maybe they're all working at that one place.
**[05:54] Girl**
You know. Akatsuka Hotel, near the station.
**[05:56] Girl**
I heard a rumor not long ago that some of
**[05:59] Girl**
our old classmates were working there.
**[06:02] Glasses**
And that's you?
**[06:03] All**
Y-Yeah, yeah! That's us!
**[06:05] Guy**
Really?
**[06:07] Guy**
I work at Akatsuka Hotel, too.
**[06:15] Todo**
*Someone actually works there!*
**[06:17] Kara**
*What the hell is Akatsuka Hotel, anyway?!*
**[06:19] Jyu**
*Dunno!*
**[06:19] Kara**
*Where is it?!*
**[06:20] Jyu**
*Dunno! We've never heard of this hotel!*
**[06:23] Guy**
But I don't think I've ever bumped
into any of you guys at the hotel.
**[06:27] Girl**
What's going on?
**[06:28] Todo**
W-Well, you know... You probably
wouldn't see us there.
**[06:31] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[06:32] Guy**
Huh?
**[06:33] Choro**
Because we're employees that
don't actually work *in* the hotel.
**[06:36] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[06:37] Guy**
What kind of employee is that?
**[06:39] Jyu**
We're brand ambassadors.
**[06:42] Both**
Brand ambassadors?
**[06:43] All**
Yup, yup.
***SIGN*** Welcome to Akatsuka Hotel!
**[06:45] Kara**
We take photos for promotional posters...
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hotel Lottery
**[06:47] Ichi**
Hype up events...
**[06:49] Jyu**
And even throw the first pitch!
**[06:51] Jyu**
Hup!
**[06:52] Ump**
Strike!
**[06:54] Choro**
Oh, we're in a commercial, too.
***SIGN*** Sponsored by
Akatsuka Realty
**[06:56] Choro**
You haven't seen it?
**[06:58] Choro**
*If you're going to stay at a hotel...*
**[07:02] Kara**
*Aah, this is the perfect place to be!*
**[07:05] Ichi**
* The shower's water*
* pressure is amazingly low.*
**[07:08] Jyu**
*And you might even see some ghosts!*
**[07:12] Kara**
*Even so...*
**[07:14] Todo**
*Even so...*
**[07:15] All**
*We'll be waiting for all of your tips at*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hotel
**[07:19] All**
*Akatsuka Hotel!*
***SIGN*** A 3-minute walk from Akatsuka Station
**[07:25] Choro**
You've never seen it?
**[07:26] Guy**
No, never.
**[07:27] Girl**
And who'd want to stay
at a hotel like that?
**[07:29] Kara**
Well, they only air that
commercial in Hokkaido.
**[07:31] Girl**
This hotel's in Tokyo, isn't it?!
**[07:33] Glasses**
Oh, hey, Osomatsu.
**[07:34] Oso**
What's up?
**[07:35] Glasses**
We were just talking to these
guys, and we wondered...
**[07:38] Glasses**
What are you guys doing these days?
**[07:41] Oso**
We're NEETs.
**[07:42] Glasses**
Huh?!
**[07:47] Guy**
N-NEETs?
**[07:49] Oso**
Yup. We haven't done a thing
since graduating high school.
**[07:52] Oso**
We've been unemployed this *whole* time!
**[08:02] Girl**
Wait... Really?
**[08:04] Oso**
Yup! To top it off, none of us
have ever had a girlfriend!
**[08:08] Oso**
Even though there's six of us!
**[08:10] Oso**
Totally untouched. A group of virgins
that can only be called a miracle!
**[08:14] Oso**
Yeah, we never thought
we'd end up like this!
**[08:17] Oso**
But what can ya do?
**[08:26] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** The Movie
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[10:00] Guy**
Hey, you listening, NEET Village?
**[10:03] Guy**
You're all over twenty!
What the hell are you even doing?
**[10:06] Guy**
You all still live at home,
and you're all still NEETs?
**[10:08] Guy**
What the hell are you even thinking?
**[10:10] Guy**
I'm embarrassed to be
your former classmate.
**[10:12] Guy**
You listening, NEET Village?
**[10:14] Guy**
NEET Village!
**[10:16] Oso**
What's "NEET Village"?
**[10:18] Kara**
Don't ask me.
**[10:18] Choro**
We're being called a village.
**[10:21] Todo**
Ugh, everyone's staring at us.
**[10:24] Jyu**
I wanna go home.
**[10:25] Ichi**
I'm sorry we were ever born.
**[10:27] Atsushi**
Now, now. I think that's enough, Uchikawa.
**[10:30] Uchi**
Atsushi!
**[10:31] Atsu**
We're supposed to be having
a fun reunion, remember?
**[10:34] Atsu**
I'm sure they've had their own problems.
**[10:37] Girl**
Oh my gosh, Atsushi-kun! You're so nice!
**[10:39] Girl 2**
Yeah! You have such a big heart!
**[10:42] Atsu**
Want to go for a drive
in my car sometime?
**[10:44] Girls**
Totally! Yay!
**[10:47] Atsu**
NEET Village has a nice ring to it.
You boys are charming.
**[10:54] Todo**
He called us charming!
That makes me so happy!
**[10:59] Todo**
Like hell it does! Hey, you piece of shit!
**[11:03] Oso**
Totty, don't!
**[11:05] Choro**
If you put your hands on him here,
you'll be at fault!
**[11:09] Kara**
Show 'em what NEET Village is made of!
**[11:10] Jyu**
What's NEET Village?
**[11:11] Kara**
Hell if I know!
**[11:12] Jyu**
Where is it?
**[11:13] Kara**
Hell if I know! I've never heard of it!
**[11:18] Oso**
What's the matter, Totoko-chan?
**[11:19] Toto**
Not here... That's too bad.
**[11:21] Oso**
Who's not here?
**[11:23] Toto**
Takahashi-san.
**[11:24] Oso**
Takahashi-san?
**[11:28] Toto**
I was hoping we could meet up...
**[11:30] Uchi**
Hey!
**[11:31] Uchi**
NEET Village!
**[11:37] Guy**
All right, who's ready to drink some more?
**[11:39] Some**
I'm in!
**[11:40] Guy**
My wife would get mad.
**[11:42] Girl**
Oh, come on. It's just for today.
**[11:44] Guy**
Do you have work tomorrow?
**[11:45] Girl**
Nope, I took some PTO.
**[11:47] Guy**
Aw, lucky.
**[11:48] Uchi**
Hey, aren't you guys coming?
**[11:50] Todo**
Huh?
**[11:51] Todo**
Er, we, uh... W-We'll stop by later!
**[11:54] Choro**
Yeah, we'll catch up.
**[11:57] Uchi**
Oh, okay.
**[11:58] Some**
Not like you have work tomorrow...
**[12:06] Choro**
That wasn't what I was expecting at all.
**[12:08] Todo**
It sorta sucked.
**[12:10] Ichi**
Everyone else is so amazing.
Some even got married.
**[12:15] All**
Gross.
**[12:16] Choro**
Some bought cars, too.
**[12:18] All**
Gross.
**[12:20] Todo**
Some of them are even dads now.
**[12:22] Choro**
And yet we're all still NEETs,
**[12:24] Choro**
and our parents paid for
us to go to the reunion!
**[12:29] Chibi**
You guys okay?! You're melting!
**[12:31] Chibi**
Don't die at my stall! Come on, now!
***SIGN*** Oden
**[12:35] Oso**
How weird.
**[12:38] Oso**
I figured we'd be more popular than that.
**[12:41] Oso**
I thought I'd get a girlfriend at the reunion.
**[12:44] Both**
What?!
**[12:45] Both**
It was all your fault!
**[12:47] Choro**
You told everyone we're NEETs!
That's how we ended up in that mess!
**[12:51] Oso**
What? Lying is bad, though.
**[12:54] Choro**
Well, yeah, but...
**[12:56] Oso**
NEETs and virgins...
**[12:57] Oso**
Don't you want to meet some girls who
would love us just the way we a—
**[13:02] Todo**
Let me remind you. Girls like that
don't actually exist in real life.
**[13:06] Todo**
That's why we're in this predicament.
**[13:09] Todo**
Want me to stab your nipples?
**[13:10] Choro**
Or maybe your urethra?
**[13:12] Oso**
I'm sorry. Please, no.
**[13:14] Ichi**
But you know... When those guys were talking
about what we were like in high school,
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[13:19] Ichi**
I didn't know how to join the conversation.
**[13:22] Ichi**
I don't really want to remember those days.
**[13:25] Ichi**
There's nothing to even remember.
**[13:27] Kara**
You're being so dark, my brother.
**[13:29] Kara**
Come on! We had our reunion today!
**[13:32] Kara**
Let's talk more about our
wonderful teenage memories!
**[13:35] Oso**
Teenage memories? What?
**[13:37] Todo**
How can this idiot be so positive?
**[13:39] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[13:39] Ichi**
Gross.
**[13:41] Kara**
Youth! And love! We experienced so much!
**[13:44] Todo**
Yeah? Like what?
**[13:45] Kara**
For example...
**[13:50] Kara**
Give me a minute.
**[13:51] Choro**
See? There's nothing! Not a thing!
**[13:53] Choro**
We didn't have a damn thing back then!
**[13:55] Oso**
We still don't!
**[13:56] Todo**
Yeah! We don't!
**[13:57] Kara**
Damn it!
**[14:03] Chibi**
That's enough, you idjits!
**[14:05] Chibi**
Quit yer damn whining!
**[14:07] Chibi**
You got to see everyone after all those
years, right? That should be enough!
**[14:12] Chibi**
I never even went to high school,
**[14:14] Chibi**
so just hearing about a class reunion
makes me jealous, you idjits.
**[14:20] Chibi**
Why are you looking at me like that?
**[14:22] Kara**
Fear not, Chibita!
**[14:24] Kara**
Even if you don't have any
former high school classmates,
**[14:27] Kara**
you have us, your forever buddies,
right by your side!
**[14:33] Chibi**
Uh, I think my problem is that I only
have trash like you around me...
**[14:39] Kara**
Sorry.
**[14:40] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:41] Iyami**
Gimme more!
**[14:47] Iyami**
Eating and drinking on someone
else's dime is amazing!
**[14:52] Iyami**
Me is so happy!
**[14:55] All**
Iyami!
**[14:58] Jyu**
Heave-ho, heave-ho, heave-ho, heave-ho!
**[15:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[15:04] Chibi**
Hey, hey, hey.
**[15:06] Chibi**
Drink like civilized people, you idjits.
**[15:12] Chibi**
Wait.
**[15:13] Chibi**
Don't go running away like that!
**[15:15] Chibi**
Pay me, damn it!
***SIGN*** Stronger Zero
**[15:26] Jyu**
I know they're somewhere in here...
***SIGN*** Matsuzou
***SIGN*** Cabaret
Moonlight
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School
66th Class Graduation Album
**[15:37] Oso**
Hey, why the hell did you dig
up our graduation albums?
**[15:41] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[15:42] Jyu**
Huh? You don't wanna look at them?
**[15:44] Todo**
No! Put those things away!
**[15:47] Choro**
How did I end up like this?
**[15:50] Choro**
I'm the only one of you assholes who's
responsible and living a proper life.
**[15:55] Oso**
Uh, you're in the same damn
boat as the rest of us.
**[15:57] Todo**
You're all for show, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[15:59] Todo**
You're just a stupid perv inside.
**[16:01] Choro**
Todomatsu-kun, I do believe
that's going too far.
**[16:04] Kara**
But seriously...
**[16:05] Kara**
How *did* we all end up like this?
**[16:09] Kara**
Why didn't any of us try to go to
college or get a job after graduation?
**[16:15] Oso**
Oh, you mean why are we NEET Village?
**[16:17] Ichi**
Probably because we're shit.
**[16:18] Choro**
Yeah. I don't know exactly when
it happened, but at some point,
**[16:22] Choro**
I was just like, "I guess I'm okay with this."
**[16:25] Kara**
At what point did you think that?
**[16:27] Choro**
I don't know. I don't remember.
**[16:29] Jyu**
Oh, yeah. Did you know?
**[16:32] Jyu**
They had our reunion today because
it was the same day as our graduation.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School 66th Class Graduation Album
**[16:36] All**
Our graduation?
**[16:37] Jyu**
Yup. Some odd years ago today,
we graduated high school.
**[16:42] Ichi**
Oh... Graduation, huh?
**[16:44] Oso**
Graduation, eh?
**[16:46] Todo**
Hey, he's right.
**[16:47] Oso**
Whoa, you're right. I totally forgot.
**[16:51] Oso**
Come on, Jyushimatsu!
**[16:53] Choro**
I told you, I don't need to see it.
**[16:57] Ichi**
Hey, I just remembered.
**[16:58] All**
Huh?
**[16:59] Ichi**
The day before graduation,
an elephant appeared near our house.
**[17:03] Todo**
An elephant?
**[17:04] Choro**
Like, the animal?
**[17:05] Ichi**
Yeah. Apparently it escaped from
the zoo and chased Hatabou down.
**[17:10] Todo**
Hatabou?! Was he okay?
**[17:12] Ichi**
No, he ended up getting
involved in a pile-up accident,
**[17:16] Ichi**
then there was an explosion
and he flew into the sky,
**[17:18] Ichi**
and he somehow ran right
into a plane that was up there
**[17:21] Ichi**
and made the plane crash.
**[17:23] Choro**
What the hell?! That's a major disaster!
**[17:25] Choro**
How did Hatabou not die?!
**[17:27] Ichi**
Wait, you guys don't remember this?
**[17:30] Jyu**
I remember!
**[17:31] Oso**
It was a pretty huge deal back then.
**[17:33] Both**
Yeah.
**[17:34] Todo**
What?
**[17:34] Choro**
I didn't know.
**[17:35] Kara**
First time I've heard about it.
**[17:37] Ichi**
Huh? Why do half of us remember
it and half of us don't?
**[17:44] Oso**
Oh, whatever. Let's stop
talking about high school.
**[17:47] Todo**
Yeah, it just makes things awkward.
**[17:50] Ichi**
I'm going to forget everything...
Seal everything away.
**[17:51] Oso**
Bedtime for me. I'm going
to the horse races tomorrow.
**[17:53] Choro**
Horse races? Do you
even have any money?
**[17:56] Oso**
Man, I want a girlfriend!
**[17:58] Choro**
How is that an answer to my question?!
**[17:59] Todo**
I want a girlfriend, too!
**[18:01] Kara**
I want to be popular!
**[18:02] Oso**
I want to be popular!
**[18:03] Choro**
Oh, shut up already.
**[18:04] Todo**
Also, I wanna do something pervy!
**[18:06] Ichi**
Me, too.
**[18:07] Oso**
Oh, you mean sex?
**[18:08] Choro**
Hey!
**[18:08] Kara**
Sex?
**[18:09] Choro**
Hey!
**[18:09] Jyu**
Are you talking about sex?
**[18:11] Choro**
Hey!
**[18:12] Ichi**
Are you guys talking about sex?
**[18:13] Choro**
Hey, come on! Stop it!
**[18:19] Oso**
Man, today was exhausting...
**[18:21] All**
Yeah...
**[19:07] Kara**
I think I drank too much.
**[19:13] Kara**
He sure has a unique way of sleeping.
**[19:18] Kara**
How do you even sleep like that?
**[19:22] Kara**
Wait, you're not even asleep.
**[19:24] Kara**
You're awake, right?
**[19:25] Jyu**
Morning, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[19:27] Kara**
You were actually asleep?! What?!
**[19:29] Jyu**
Man, my head hurts.
**[19:32] Kara**
I think we drank a bit too
much yesterday, Jyushimatsu.
**[19:45] Jyu**
What's wrong?
**[19:47] Todo**
What the heck?
**[19:47] Oso**
Jeez, you're loud...
**[19:49] Kara**
Wha...
**[19:50] Kara**
What is all this?
**[19:55] Choro**
What?!
**[19:56] Ichi**
What's going on?!
**[19:59] Jyu**
This takes me back!
**[20:01] Jyu**
This is the desk where we
did homework in high school.
**[20:04] Jyu**
We got it at a secondhand store.
Not that we ever did homework, anyway.
**[20:12] Jyu**
What?!
**[20:14] Choro**
Delayed reaction much?!
**[20:15] Todo**
Wh-Wh-Wh-What's going on here?
What happened?
**[20:18] Oso**
I'm scared!
**[20:34] Hata**
Save me, jo!
**[20:36] Kara**
Hatabou!
**[20:38] Choro**
He's being chased down by an elephant?!
**[20:42] Todo**
A pile-up accident?!
**[20:49] Todo**
This is the accident we were
talking about yesterday,
**[20:52] Todo**
the one that happened the day
before graduation, right?
**[20:55] Choro**
Which means... Don't tell me...
**[21:13] Choro**
Wait! We need our shoes!
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[21:28] Choro**
Hey, about what we just saw...
**[21:34] Jyu**
Huh?
**[21:35] Jyu**
Eitarou's house isn't here!
**[21:37] Oso**
Why? All the stores are different!
**[21:40] Oso**
This is supposed to be
a Chinese restaurant!
**[21:42] Kara**
The family restaurant is gone, too!
***SIGN*** For Sale
**[21:44] Choro**
So is the live music club!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Baths
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Baths
**[21:47] Ichi**
That sign is old.
**[21:49] Choro**
So that really means...
**[21:52] Choro**
We're in the past, aren't we?
**[21:55] Oso**
Huh?! What the hell does that mean?!
**[21:57] Choro**
Well, that has to be it!
**[21:58] Choro**
I mean, Hatabou was
chased by an elephant,
**[22:00] Choro**
got involved in a pile-up,
and made a plane crash!
**[22:03] Ichi**
Yeah, and the town looks
like it did before.
**[22:06] Jyu**
What?!
**[22:07] Todo**
Then we have to hurry up
and get back to the future!
**[22:10] Todo**
Let's go back to our own time, fast!
**[22:12] Kara**
Huh? But how are we
supposed to do that?
**[22:16] Todo**
There's only one way!
**[22:30] Jyu**
Go!
**[22:32] Oso**
Go, Totty!
**[22:33] Todo**
We're going back to the future
with this time machine!
**[22:35] All**
We're going back!
**[22:40] Doc kara**
Come on, lighting! Any time now!
**[22:50] ---**
Now!
**[22:55] Doc kara**
Yes! We did it!
**[22:58] Doc kara**
Wait! If I'm doing this role, I can't go
back to the future with everyone else!
**[23:08] Doc Kara**
That was close...
**[23:10] All**
Tch.
***SIGN*** Under Construction
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hotel
**[23:15] Oso**
Say, Karamatsu.
**[23:16] Kara**
What's up?
**[23:17] Oso**
Doesn't something seem
weird about the scenery?
**[23:21] Kara**
Scenery?
**[23:33] Choro**
Wait, what is this?
**[23:35] Ichi**
We're not seeing things, right?
**[23:37] Jyu**
What's going on?
**[23:53] Ichi**
What is this?
**[23:56] Kara**
Jesus!
**[23:57] Kara**
What the hell's going on?
**[24:09] Todo**
I'm scared!
**[24:10] Todo**
What is this?!
**[24:11] Todo**
What are we supposed to do?!
**[24:14] Choro**
What the hell is this world?!
**[24:22] Ichi**
Hey, it's the cat from earlier.
**[24:28] All**
Professor Dekapan!
**[24:33] Oso**
Hear us out, Dekapan!
We're in big trouble!
**[24:37] Oso**
If we were to explain what's
going on with us right now...
**[24:40] Oso**
This and that and this and
then that happened!
**[24:43] Jyu**
Then this and that and this happened!
**[24:45] Kara**
Then this happened,
and this turned into that!
**[24:47] Ichi**
Then so and so and such
and such happened!
**[24:49] Oso**
And that's how we ended up in this situation!
**[24:52] Oso**
What are we supposed to do?!
**[24:54] choro**
The hell was that explanation?
**[24:55] todo**
They can't be serious.
**[24:59] Deka**
I see! I understand everything!
**[25:02] Choro**
What?! No way...
**[25:04] Todo**
The perks of being a gag anime, I guess.
**[25:06] Deka**
In short, you didn't actually
travel to the past.
**[25:11] Kara**
We're not in the past?
**[25:12] Deka**
You boys must have somehow ended up in
**[25:15] Deka**
a world within one of your memories!
**[25:18] All**
Within someone's memories?
**[25:20] Deka**
That's why the parts of town
that you don't clearly remember
**[25:24] Deka**
and people you don't know
look a bit incomplete.
**[25:28] Deka**
On the other hand,
people you do know, like me,
**[25:31] Deka**
look exactly how they're supposed to.
**[25:33] Kara**
I-I see...
**[25:35] Todo**
So this is someone's memory...
**[25:37] Ichi**
Wait, how did we end up here?
**[25:43] Deka**
I believe the cause of all of this
is that one of you had regrets.
**[25:47] Ichi**
Regrets?
**[25:50] Todo**
Hey! You should be listening!
This is important!
**[25:55] Deka**
Everyone has moments when they
think they should've done something
**[25:58] Deka**
differently in the past
or made a different choice.
**[26:01] Deka**
They may not realize it, but everyone
has a number of regrets in their hearts.
**[26:06] Deka**
Those feelings produce something
very powerful that they're not aware of.
**[26:11] Deka**
That's what's causing
this strange phenomenon.
**[26:15] Deka**
In short,
**[26:16] Deka**
one of you has a huge
regret from this era.
**[26:22] Deka**
If you don't take care of
whatever that regret is,
**[26:25] Deka**
I believe that you won't be
able to go back to reality.
**[26:29] Choro**
Regret?
**[26:30] Todo**
One of us has regrets?
**[26:32] Oso**
Is it you?
**[26:33] Jyu**
Nope!
**[26:35] Deka**
By the way...
**[26:37] Deka**
There are also certain risks in this world.
**[26:40] Deka**
If you linger too long in these memories,
**[26:44] Deka**
you'll turn into water fleas!
**[26:47] Jyu**
What?! Water fleas?!
**[26:48] Oso**
Where the hell did water
fleas come from?!
**[26:50] Deka**
There's nothing good about
letting your past hold you back.
**[26:54] Choro**
But seriously, why water fleas?!
***SIGN*** Sky
**[26:57] Deka**
Also, try not to interact
with others too much
**[27:00] Deka**
or do things that never
happened in your memories.
**[27:04] Deka**
This is a world you shouldn't be in.
A world where you don't exist.
**[27:13] Oso**
That sure was a long explanation.
**[27:15] Oso**
I don't remember a single thing he said.
**[27:17] Choro**
Hey!
**[27:18] Jyu**
Dekapan's explanation sucked.
**[27:20] Choro**
You guys just weren't listening!
**[27:22] Oso**
I mean, I'm pretty sure this is fine.
**[27:25] Oso**
Nothing good's gonna happen
if we go back to reality.
**[27:28] Todo**
But we'll turn into water fleas.
**[27:29] Oso**
Water fleas, huh?
I guess no girls would like that.
**[27:32] Todo**
Right? So we have to get back to reality.
**[27:35] Oso**
I see. Nii-chan's got it now!
**[27:39] Choro**
Actually...
**[27:40] Choro**
Which one of us has regrets?
**[27:42] Choro**
We're not getting anywhere
until we figure that out.
**[27:45] Jyu**
Who is it?
**[27:46] Ichi**
Who is it?
**[27:47] Oso**
Come forward.
**[27:48] Choro**
Who is it?
**[27:52] Ichi**
Jeez...
**[27:54] Choro**
Hey, look over there.
***SIGN*** #@st Office
**[27:57] Choro**
The "po" in post office is
all messed up, isn't it?
**[28:00] All**
Yeah.
**[28:01] Choro**
Which means the owner of the memory
we're in doesn't know that kanji.
**[28:05] Choro**
In other words, he's an idiot.
**[28:07] All**
I see.
**[28:08] Todo**
Over there, too.
**[28:09] Todo**
Whoever it is, they read
"monthly parking" as "moonly parking."
***SIGN*** Moonly Parking Lot
No uNaUtHoRiZeD Parking
Akatsuka Realty
**[28:12] Oso**
What a moron.
**[28:13] All**
I see...
**[28:15] Jyu**
Wait, wait, wait! It's not me!
**[28:17] Jyu**
You guys are so rude!
**[28:18] Choro**
Hang on a second.
There's another huge hint over there.
***SIGN*** Adults' Paradise
**[28:22] Choro**
That pervy shop is sparkling.
**[28:24] All**
I see...
**[28:26] Oso**
Man, you guys sure know
your big brother.
**[28:29] Choro**
Why are you admitting it?
At least try to deny it.
**[28:31] Todo**
Why have you been keeping your
eyes closed, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[28:35] Jyu**
Open your eyes, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[28:38] Ichi**
Nope. I can't deal with
a world of memories.
**[28:41] Jyu**
Open your eyes!
**[28:42] Ichi**
Can't.
**[28:43] Oso**
You're acting suspicious, Ichimacchan.
**[28:45] Oso**
Could it be that you're the
one who created this world?
**[28:48] Todo**
Yeah. Ichimatsu-niisan
probably has tons of regrets.
**[28:53] Kara**
It's you, isn't it? Hmm?
**[28:56] Dayon**
It's been a while.
***SIGN*** Virgins Welcome
**[28:58] All**
Dayon!
**[28:59] Todo**
Listen to this, Dayon!
We're in huge trouble!
**[29:05] Oso**
What?
**[29:07] Oso**
Seriously, what's your problem?
**[29:08] Dayon**
Something's off!
**[29:11] Dayon**
You don't smell like high school kids.
**[29:14] Dayon**
You smell like grown-up NEETs.
**[29:17] Oso**
What the hell does a NEET smell like?
**[29:19] Todo**
About that, Dayon... We've somehow
ended up in someone's memories.
**[29:24] Dayon**
Someone's memories?
**[29:27] Todo**
So this is someone's memory, and the
you that we see is also a memory.
**[29:31] Todo**
And to get out of here, we have to
get rid of the regret that one of us has.
**[29:39] Choro**
Are you okay? You seem to be panicking.
**[29:41] Todo**
We were wondering if you
**[29:43] Todo**
could tell us what kind of
regret you think we'd have.
**[29:47] Todo**
Oh, and I don't mean the "us"
you see here with you right now,
**[29:50] Todo**
but the "us" who are third-year high
school students in this memory.
**[29:54] Dayon**
Huh?! What?!
**[29:56] Choro**
Wait, wait! Remember what Dekapan said?
**[29:57] Choro**
We shouldn't interact
with people too much!
**[30:00] Todo**
Yeah, but...
**[30:01] Todo**
Come on, tell us, Dayon! Please?
**[30:03] Todo**
What kind of regrets did we
have as high school kids?
**[30:05] Dayon**
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about!
**[30:10] Choro**
See?! I told you!
**[30:12] Choro**
We're not supposed to do stuff that
didn't happen in our original memories!
**[30:15] Kara**
Let's all remember what Dayon looked like!
**[30:17] Kara**
Then he should turn back to normal!
**[30:19] All**
Yeah!
**[30:21] Kara**
What did he look like again?
**[30:23] Jyu**
Something like this?
**[30:25] Ichi**
Maybe like this?
**[30:27] Kara**
That's it! Keep it up!
**[30:32] Oso**
Something's slightly off.
**[30:34] Kara**
Start over.
**[30:39] Oso**
He looks way too cool.
**[30:40] Kara**
Start over!
**[30:44] Oso**
He's cute!
**[30:45] Five**
So cute!
**[30:46] Kara**
That's not him!
**[30:47] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:49] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:50] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:50] Dayon**
Sparkle!
**[30:51] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:51] Dayon**
That's how it...
**[30:52] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:52] Dayon**
Sanemats...
**[30:53] Oso**
Wrong!
**[30:54] Oso**
Come on, guys! Take this seriously!
**[30:58] Oso**
Man, I'm tired.
**[31:00] Kara**
I still think it's a little off,
**[31:03] Kara**
but I guess that'll work.
**[31:07] Dayon**
Wait!
**[31:09] Dayon**
Hey! This is the worst possible
shape you could leave me in!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School
**[31:30] Choro**
My disguise is complete!
**[31:31] Todo**
My disguise is complete!
**[31:33] Choro**
We need to be careful.
**[31:35] Todo**
Yeah.
**[31:36] Choro**
We don't know what else
could happen in this world
**[31:39] Choro**
if someone recognizes us again.
**[31:41] Todo**
Yeah, we need to do our
best not to stand out.
**[31:46] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[31:47] Todo**
Why are you dressed like that?
**[31:48] Todo**
That'll just call even more attention to us!
**[31:50] Kara**
What?
**[31:51] Kara**
But you can't see my face
since I'm wearing this.
**[31:54] Choro**
Uh, your face is right there
for the world to see!
**[31:56] Choro**
Everyone will know it's you immediately!
**[32:00] Choro**
I don't see us.
**[32:02] Todo**
Yeah...
**[32:03] Oso**
Hey...
**[32:04] Oso**
It feels really creepy
to meet our past selves.
**[32:08] Jyu**
Yeah, it feels really weird.
**[32:10] Todo**
Well, what choice do we have?
**[32:11] Todo**
We're in this mess because we don't
know whose regret we're dealing with.
**[32:15] Choro**
What's the matter, Ichimatsu?
**[32:16] Ichi**
This is too exhausting.
**[32:19] Choro**
Huh? What is?
**[32:20] Ichi**
Just being in this memory world is hell,
**[32:23] Ichi**
and now I have to see my old self?
**[32:25] Choro**
Oh, so that's what you mean.
**[32:27] Ichi**
What? You're fine with it?
**[32:29] Choro**
Yeah, I'm totally fine with it.
**[32:31] Choro**
I mean, there's nothing
embarrassing about my old self.
**[32:34] Choro**
I'm actually looking forward
to seeing the younger me.
**[32:37] Ichi**
Uh... I don't get you at all.
**[32:39] Kara**
Hey, isn't that Choromatsu?
**[32:41] Choro**
Wait, you see me? Where, where, where?
**[32:43] Kara**
Right over there!
**[32:45] Choro**
What?
**[32:52] All**
What?! What the hell is that?!
**[32:55] Oso**
Isn't he walking all weird?
**[32:56] Four**
He is!
**[32:57] Oso**
Isn't he turning all weird?
**[32:58] Four**
He is!
**[32:59] Choro**
Goodbye! Yes, goodbye, everyone!
**[33:02] Todo**
Wait, what's with that voice?!
It's way too high!
**[33:06] Oso**
I forgot Choromatsu was like that!
**[33:08] Ichi**
Now I remember.
**[33:09] Choro**
So... So embarrassing!
**[33:11] Choro**
Tentei! Thank you for
everything today, Tentei!
**[33:15] Kara**
"Tentei"?! Did he just call
the teacher "Tentei"?!
**[33:18] Choro**
Are you heading home now, Tentei?
**[33:21] Choro**
I'm also heading home now, Tentei!
**[33:25] Jyu**
Oh, God, my stomach hurts...
**[33:28] Choro**
I'm going to start studying
as soon as I get home!
**[33:30] Choro**
That's a student's duty, after all!
**[33:32] Choro**
Well, goodbye!
**[33:34] Oso**
Wow, and there it is.
**[33:36] Oso**
He tried hard to make himself
look like an honor student.
**[33:38] Todo**
That part sure hasn't changed.
**[33:40] Oso**
And he tripped.
**[33:41] Todo**
That hasn't changed, either.
***SIGN*** Pervy Girl
***SIGN*** The Bigguns
**[33:43] Kara**
Hey! His bag is filled with dirty mags!
**[33:48] Jyu**
And a test he failed!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
**[33:55] Kara**
What the heck? That was way too pathetic.
**[33:57] Todo**
No wonder that boy ends up dying
his hair brown in the future.
**[34:00] Ichi**
Totty, you shouldn't mention that.
**[34:07] Oso**
He tripped again.
**[34:09] Todo**
Choromatsu-niichan! Wait for me!
**[34:14] Todo**
Choromatsu-niichan!
**[34:17] Jyu**
What the heck? Is that Todomatsu?
**[34:18] Todo**
Me? What?!
**[34:20] Todo**
Why'd you leave me behind?
I wanna walk home with you!
**[34:24] Ichi**
What the hell? Is he seriously
in his third year of high school?
**[34:26] Todo**
Hey!
**[34:27] Jyu**
He's just a kid.
**[34:28] Todo**
Hey!
**[34:28] Todo**
No, I'm not a kid.
**[34:29] Kara**
Your cheeks were so red.
**[34:30] Todo**
Hey!
**[34:31] Todo**
Shove it!
**[34:31] Oso**
I bet you didn't even have any pubes.
**[34:33] Todo**
I did! I had a whole forest down there!
**[34:34] Kara**
Why does he keep hiding
behind Choromatsu?
**[34:38] Jyu**
He's such a kid.
**[34:39] Todo**
I was not!
**[34:40] Jyu**
What's he doing now?
**[34:43] Jyu**
Seriously, what were you doing?
You're like a kangaroo now!
**[34:46] Todo**
Wait... Where did you go,
Choromatsu-niichan?
**[34:49] Todo**
What?
**[34:49] Oso**
How the hell did you get lost?
**[34:51] Jyu**
What are you, a kid?
**[34:52] Todo**
I am not a kid!
**[34:53] Kara**
Wait, he got taken in.
**[34:57] Todo**
I was so scared!
**[34:58] Jyu**
He's seriously just a little kid!
**[35:00] Todo**
Oh, shut up! Stop calling me a kid!
**[35:02] Oso**
That's right... I guess that's
how Totty used to be.
**[35:07] Kara**
We say you're dry now,
**[35:09] Kara**
but back then, you were totally helpless
and couldn't do anything yourself.
**[35:12] Oso**
Yup.
**[35:14] Oso**
You loved your older brothers, didn't you?
**[35:18] Choro**
Here, I'll make your cheeks red again.
**[35:20] Ichi**
Nice.
**[35:21] Todo**
Stop that.
**[35:21] Choro**
Here!
**[35:22] Ichi**
Nice.
**[35:22] Todo**
Stop that.
**[35:24] Todo**
I'm going to kill you someday.
**[35:25] Oso**
Hey!
**[35:26] Oso**
Over here!
**[35:28] Kara**
You found someone?
**[35:29] Ichi**
I wonder who's next.
**[35:35] Oso**
Look! Over there!
**[35:36] Ichi**
Who is it?
**[35:37] Oso**
Isn't that you, Ichimatsu?
**[35:37] Guy**
What? Seriously?
**[35:38] Ichi**
Me?!
**[35:40] Guy**
Yeah, Ichi?
**[35:41] Guy**
Wow.
**[35:42] Guy**
Man, that's surprising.
**[35:42] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[35:45] Kara**
Wh-Who the hell is that?
**[35:46] Jyu**
Does anyone know who that is?
**[35:48] Four**
Nope, nope.
**[35:50] Choro**
Our family doesn't have a fine
young gentleman like that.
**[35:54] choro**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[35:55] todo**
Don't kill yourself in the memory world!
**[35:57] Ichi bg**
Yeah, really.
**[35:59] Kara**
That's right. Back then,
Ichimatsu actually had friends.
**[36:03] Oso**
Yeah. This was when he hadn't given
up on interacting with others yet.
**[36:03] Ichi**
Really? That's hilarious.
**[36:07] Jyu**
He's trying so hard.
**[36:08] Ichi**
Yup, yup.
**[36:10] Ichi**
Yup, yup.
**[36:12] Ichi**
Yup, yup.
**[36:14] Ichi**
Yup, yup.
**[36:18] Todo**
Wow, he's scary. He's trying
so hard to keep smiling...
**[36:22] Jyu**
He's trying so hard.
**[36:25] Choro**
Look! They're walking with
his hand on his shoulder!
**[36:27] All**
Whoa...
**[36:29] Choro**
They're taking photos!
**[36:30] All**
Whoa...
**[36:32] Guy**
Hey, Ichi.
**[36:33] Ichi**
Hey.
**[36:36] Choro**
They just high-fived!
**[36:37] Jyu**
They high-fived?! The end is nigh!
**[36:40] Oso**
But now that I think about it,
Ichimatsu was trying really hard back then.
**[36:45] Todo**
Wait!
**[36:46] Todo**
He *is* trying really hard,
**[36:48] Todo**
but it's kinda obvious he's
having a hard time fitting in.
**[36:52] Oso**
Yeah, yikes.
**[36:55] Oso**
Wait, is the real Ichimacchan coming out?
Is he going to be okay?
**[36:59] Oso**
Look, look, look! There it is!
**[37:01] Oso**
No, no, no, no!
**[37:02] Oso**
This is bad!
**[37:03] Guy**
Ichi.
**[37:04] Ichi**
Hmm?
**[37:04] Oso**
Oh, he's back.
**[37:06] Guy**
I bet this'll look good on you.
**[37:08] Guy**
Why don't you try it on?
**[37:09] Ichi**
Try it on?
**[37:17] Ichi**
Huh? Uh, sure...
**[37:19] Ichi**
Thanks. I'll try it on.
**[37:24] All**
He's trying so hard!
**[37:26] Kara**
I forgot Ichimatsu was like that once!
**[37:29] Ichi**
I'm gonna go kill him real quick.
**[37:31] Choro**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[37:32] Todo**
Don't try to kill the past you
in the memory world!
**[37:35] Jyu**
Heh. You changed so much.
**[37:38] Ichi**
Tch.
**[37:38] Jyu**
Man, that was great.
**[37:41] Choro**
Hey, isn't that Jyushimatsu?
**[37:43] Jyu**
Huh?
**[37:51] Jyu**
The hell?
**[37:53] All**
There he is!
**[37:54] Kara**
The most insane Jyushimatsu ever!
**[37:57] Ichi**
Frankly, you're the one
who changed the most!
**[38:00] Todo**
What's with those eyes?! They're so angry!
**[38:02] Todo**
Uh, let me say that again. They're so angry!
**[38:05] Jyu**
Huh? Don't look at me!
**[38:07] Jyu**
Whaddya want, huh?!
**[38:09] Oso**
Man, he's super pissed.
That's totally not Jyushimatsu.
**[38:15] Choro**
Whoa, look at that. Is he actually smoking?
**[38:17] Oso**
Smoking?! Seriously?!
**[38:23] Choro**
Nope. He's just faking.
**[38:26] Todo**
Look! Is he actually riding a motorcycle?
**[38:26] Jyus**
Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.
**[38:28] Kara**
A motorcycle?!
**[38:29] Jyu**
Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.
**[38:31] Todo**
Never mind. He's just faking.
**[38:33] Oso**
Wait, is he actually... not that angry at all?
**[38:36] Ichi**
Yeah, he's trying too hard.
**[38:39] Oso**
Look. When he lets down his guard...
**[38:42] Oso**
His face turns back to normal.
**[38:50] Oso**
What the hell is he doing?
**[38:51] Kara**
Now that I look closer...
**[38:53] Kara**
his fly is open.
**[38:55] Kara**
And his pants are sagging so much
**[38:57] Jyu**
The hell're you looking at?
**[38:57] Kara**
that his butt's hanging out.
**[38:59] Todo**
What the heck? Guess you were trying
too hard, too, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[39:02] Ichi**
Come on, open your eyes, Jyushimatsu.
**[39:05] Jyu**
Oh, I'm fine.
**[39:05] Ichi**
Open your eyes.
**[39:06] Jyu**
I'm fine.
**[39:07] Ichi**
Just open your damn eyes
and have a good look!
**[39:09] Jyu**
I'm fine, thank you!
**[39:22] Kara**
Look! Right over there!
**[39:24] Oso**
Oh, come on! It's too embarrassing
to see my self from the past!
**[39:28] Oso**
Hey, wanna go out on a date with me?
**[39:30] Oso**
Wanna go to the horse races?
It's so much fun!
**[39:33] Oso**
Hey, why are you running away?
**[39:35] Oso**
Wait, do you like me?
**[39:39] Oso**
Wait up!
**[39:41] Oso**
Oh, stop! I used to be such an idiot!
**[39:44] Oso**
How could I do something like that? How scary!
**[39:47] Oso**
Let me borrow some money.
**[39:49] Oso**
Please? I'll pay you back double!
**[39:51] Oso**
Oh, that's so embarrassing!
I used to be such a piece of shit!
**[39:58] Girl**
The hell are you doing?!
**[40:05] Oso**
Oh, stop it! I guess I had a time
like this in my life, too!
**[40:09] Oso**
Wow, this is so embarrassing!
**[40:10] Todo**
Uh, you haven't changed at all.
**[40:13] All**
Nope.
**[40:13] Todo**
You haven't matured one bit.
**[40:15] All**
Nope.
**[40:18] Ichi**
Well, I guess there's just one left.
**[40:21] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[40:22] Kara**
What? Me?
**[40:24] Todo**
Hey, what's the matter?
**[40:25] Kara**
Er, um...
**[40:27] Todo**
Well, this is a surprise.
**[40:28] Todo**
I thought you'd be really
excited for your turn.
**[40:31] Kara**
Huh? Nah, nah, nah, nah...
**[40:33] Kara**
I see. So my turn has finally arrived.
**[40:38] Kara**
Sorry to keep you waiting,
Karamatsu girls and boys!
**[40:41] Kara**
Have a good, hard look
at my charismatic youth!
**[40:44] Ichi**
You know, it's a good time for a break.
**[40:47] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[40:47] Kara**
What?! My brothers! Wait!
**[40:49] Kara**
Teenage Karamatsu awaits you!
**[40:51] Oso**
I think I'm a bit tired.
**[40:52] Choro**
Yeah. And this lead-up is way too long.
**[40:54] Kara**
Non, non! You have to see!
**[40:55] Choro**
I was so cool! You'll totally fall for me!
**[40:57] Choro**
Why the hell would we fall in
love with the 18-year-old you?
**[40:58] Kara**
Hey!
**[41:00] Todo**
What's the matter?
Let's go, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[41:03] Todo**
What are you doing?
**[41:11] Todo**
Hey...
**[41:12] Ichi**
There's something about that cat.
**[41:36] Todo**
Wait, huh? W-Wait, huh? Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[41:52] Guy**
Hey, Todomatsu.
**[41:55] Guy**
What are you up to? You free right now?
**[41:57] Ichi**
Huh? I...
**[41:58] Guy**
Wait, why are you in
your normal clothes?
**[42:00] Guy**
Did you already go home once?
**[42:01] Todo**
Huh?!
**[42:02] Todo**
Y-Yeah...
**[42:04] Guy**
Wanna go to karaoke with us?
**[42:06] Todo**
Huh?! I, uh, I-I...
**[42:08] Guy**
There's stuff I want to
talk to you about. Let's go!
**[42:10] Todo**
W-Wait, no, I-I...
**[42:12] Todo**
*Ichimatsu-niisan! Save me!*
**[42:15] Ichi**
*Seriously? Shit.*
**[42:29] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan, did you find them?
**[42:30] Kara**
No, I didn't.
**[42:32] Choro**
Ugh, what the hell are those two doing?
**[42:34] Choro**
I keep telling them we can't
needlessly interfere with this world
**[42:37] Choro**
because we don't know what'll happen.
**[42:39] Oso**
You got it, Tentei!
**[42:41] Choro**
What did I just say about
needlessly interfering?!
**[42:54] Jyu**
What's the matter, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[42:58] Jyu**
Something on your mind?
**[42:59] Choro**
No, I was just wondering about regrets.
**[43:03] Choro**
I mean, yeah, we were
pretty awful in this era.
**[43:07] Choro**
I couldn't bear to watch.
**[43:10] Jyu**
True. We were pretty awful.
**[43:12] Choro**
But I mean...
**[43:13] Choro**
I can't really tie that to
anything I'd regret, you know?
**[43:17] Choro**
At least, I can't.
**[43:24] Oso**
Karamatsu? What's up?
**[43:26] Kara**
Well, about that regret...
**[43:30] Oso**
Yeah?
**[43:33] Kara**
You know, I...
**[43:37] Oso**
Hang on a sec!
**[43:39] Oso**
Where'd Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu go?
**[43:44] Jyu**
Wait! Choromatsu-niisan!
**[43:46] Jyu**
What's gotten into you? You just said
we shouldn't needlessly interfere!
**[43:49] Choro**
I saw Totoko-chan over there!
**[43:52] Jyu**
Totoko-chan?! For real?!
**[43:54] Choro**
Hey, no fair!
**[44:18] Choro**
She's way too cute!
**[44:19] Jyu**
Shh! We're in the library, you fool!
**[44:21] Choro**
Oh my God, Totoko-chan!
How can she be so cute?!
**[44:25] Choro**
It's basically a crime!
**[44:27] Jyu**
One wrong step and it *would* be a crime.
**[44:28] Jyu**
She's a minor, and we're adults!
**[44:31] Choro**
I mean, she's always been cute,
but she was the best during this time!
**[44:35] Choro**
Pure? The ultimate heroine?!
**[44:37] Choro**
She's absolutely flawless!
**[44:38] Jyu**
Yeah, let's calm down a bit.
**[44:40] Choro**
She was in her absolute prime in this era!
**[44:42] Choro**
Wait, should we really call it her prime?
**[44:44] Choro**
Isn't that a bit rude to our current
Totoko-chan, Jyushimatsu-kun?!
**[44:48] Jyu**
I haven't said a word.
**[44:49] Choro**
It has nothing to do with whether
she's in her prime or not!
**[44:51] Choro**
What I'm saying is that Totoko-chan
was super charming
**[44:54] Choro**
even in this era, you moron!
**[44:55] Jyu**
I didn't say anything!
**[44:57] Choro**
Ugh, I'm seriously starting to not care
about this being someone's memory
**[45:00] Choro**
or that we're here because
of someone's regret!
**[45:02] Jyu**
Huh?
**[45:04] Choro**
I've made up my mind.
**[45:06] Choro**
I'm going to live in this world.
**[45:07] Jyu**
Whoa, calm down!
**[45:12] nyaa**
Totoko-senpai!
**[45:13] nyaa**
Would you read this, if you have time?
***SIGN*** To Totoko-senpai
**[45:16] nyaa**
I've always admired you. I'm a huge fan, meow!
**[45:21] Choro**
Is that Nyaa-chan when
she was still in middle school?!
**[45:24] Jyu**
Shh!
**[45:24] Choro**
Hashimoto Nyaa-chan?! Seriously?!
**[45:26] Jyu**
Shh! Not so loud! You're too excited!
**[45:28] Choro**
High school Totoko-chan!
Middle school Nyaa-chan!
**[45:30] Choro**
High school Totoko-chan!
Middle school Nyaa-chan!
**[45:33] Choro**
High school Totoko-chan!
Middle school Nyaa-chan!
**[45:35] Choro**
High school Totoko-chan!
Middle school Nyaa-chan!
**[45:36] Choro**
High school...
**[45:38] Choro**
I'm so happy!
**[45:42] Jyu**
What?!
**[45:43] Jyu**
He exploded from too much excitement!
***SIGN*** Karaoke
**[45:50] ---**
Way to go, us!
**[45:55] Todo**
*Wh-What should we do?*
**[45:57] [SONG] Sign**
New songs | Singer name | Song name
Duets | Genre | History
Guide vocals | Original music video | Oldies
Korean | Chinese | Latest Hits | Enter
**[45:57] Ichi**
*Wh-What are we going to do?*
**[46:00] Todo**
* They totally mistook us for*
* our high school selves!*
**[46:03] Ichi**
*I've never been to karaoke in my life!*
**[46:06] Todo**
* What should we do?*
* How are we going to escape?*
**[46:08] Ichi**
* What should we do?*
* What should we sing first?*
**[46:09] Todo**
* Why don't we pretend to go to the*
* bathroom and escape that way?*
**[46:12] Ichi**
* Maybe we should start with a super*
* cliché song everyone knows.*
**[46:15] Todo**
* Or we could pretend*
* to be sick and leave?*
**[46:17] Ichi**
* By the way, when are you supposed to*
* use these maracas and tambourines?*
**[46:20] Todo**
* The basics of karaoke*
* don't matter right now!*
**[46:22] Ichi**
* Don't blame me! I've never*
* been to karaoke before!*
**[46:26] Guy**
What's wrong, you two?
**[46:28] Guy**
You've been acting weird.
**[46:30] Todo**
No, no, we're the same as usual.
**[46:33] Ichi**
Yup, the same as usual.
**[46:35] Guy**
You don't seem like yourself, Todomatsu.
**[46:38] Guy**
Yeah, you're acting out of character.
**[46:47] Todo**
Hey, hey, Ichimatsu-niichan!
What are you going to sing?
**[46:50] Ichi**
Don't "Ichimatsu-niichan" me!
You're so gross!
**[46:52] Todo**
The hell am I supposed to do?!
They're not supposed to figure us out!
**[46:55] Todo**
Hey, hey, what do you wanna sing?
**[46:57] Ichi**
I said you're gross!
**[46:58] Todo**
Again, what am I supposed to do?!
Just put in a damn song already!
**[46:59] Guy**
Why are you guys fighting?
**[47:02] Guy**
Hey, Ichi's here?
**[47:04] Guy**
Didn't you go home earlier?
**[47:07] Ichi**
Oh, uh... I went home and came back.
**[47:11] Guy**
Oh, I see. In that case...
**[47:14] Guy**
Yee.
**[47:16] Guy**
What's wrong? Yee. Yee.
**[47:20] Todo**
* He's signaling a high five,*
* Ichimatsu-niisan!*
**[47:22] Ichi**
*I know.*
**[47:22] Todo**
*High five!*
**[47:23] Ichi**
*I know!*
**[47:24] Todo**
*Do it, Ichi! High five him!*
**[47:28] Ichi**
*Hurry up and do it, damn it!*
**[47:33] Oso**
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm a genius!
**[47:36] Oso**
Because I remember which
horses win which races,
**[47:39] Oso**
so I'm going to win for sure
if I buy betting tickets!
**[47:42] Oso**
I'm gonna get rich quick.
**[47:44] Oso**
Then I'll be even more popular
and graduate from being a virgin.
**[47:46] Oso**
It's absolutely perfect!
**[47:49] Oso**
I'm the best oldest brother ever!
**[47:51] Oso**
Why the hell?!
**[47:53] Kara**
Osomatsu, what are you doing?
**[47:56] Kara**
As the two oldest, we have to
keep our heads on straight.
**[47:58] Kara**
This is the problem with you.
Come on, eldest brother.
**[48:03] Kara**
Are you listening?!
**[48:04] Oso**
So what if I'm the oldest?
**[48:05] Oso**
Hell, we're sextuplets,
so we're all the same age!
**[48:08] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[48:09] Iyami**
That looks delicious! Give me some!
**[48:15] Oso**
Who is that?
**[48:16] Kara**
What the hell?
**[48:19] Oso**
Wait, is that Iyami?
**[48:20] Kara**
Huh?
**[48:22] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[48:25] Iyami**
Wh-What in the world?!
**[48:27] Iyami**
Why does me look like this?
What happened?!
**[48:30] Kara**
Iyami, there's a very deep
explanation for this.
**[48:34] Kara**
You see, we're in a memory world right now...
**[48:38] Oso**
Iyami!
**[48:39] Oso**
The next race is starting!
**[48:41] Iyami**
Wait for me!
**[48:43] Kara**
Huh?
**[48:47] Oso**
Go! Pull ahead!
**[48:48] Iyami**
Run away!
**[48:51] Oso**
Kill them!
**[48:52] Iyami**
Kill them!
**[48:54] Osomatsu**
Yes! I really did win!
**[48:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[48:58] Kara**
Um... We really don't have time
to be at the horse races...
**[49:02] Kara**
You see, Iyami, we're...
**[49:03] Oso**
Iyami!
**[49:04] Oso**
The local races are about to start!
**[49:07] Iyami**
Wait for me!
**[49:09] Kara**
Really?
**[49:11] Oso**
Yes!
**[49:12] Oso**
I won again!
**[49:13] Iyami**
Why do you keep winning?!
**[49:15] Oso**
Yay!
**[49:17] Oso**
Score!
**[49:19] Oso**
Woo!
**[49:21] Oso**
I'm filthy rich!
**[49:23] Iyami**
This is messed up!
You're definitely hiding something!
**[49:26] Iyami**
Let me in on your secret!
**[49:28] Iyami**
How do you keep winning?!
**[49:30] Iyami**
Wait, you!
**[49:31] Oso**
Hey, stop!
**[49:32] Iyami**
Choromatsu!
**[49:33] Oso**
Stop it, Iyami!
**[49:33] Iyami**
Wait! Tell me!
**[49:34] ---**
Come on, stop it!
**[49:35] ---**
Tell me!
**[49:36] Kara**
Guess I'll wait a little longer...
**[49:38] Girl**
So cute!
**[49:40] Guy**
Totoko-chan, you're so cute!
**[49:41] Toto**
Oh, stop. I don't know what to say.
**[49:44] Girl**
The way you're so modest is cute, too.
**[49:47] Toto**
Oh, come on...
**[49:50] Choro**
Totoko-chan is actually...
denying she's cute?
**[49:53] Jyu**
She's being modest!
**[49:54] Girl**
Look! Totoko-chan's reading
such a complicated book!
**[49:58] Girl**
Totoko's super smart, too.
**[50:02] Girl**
Wow! What a cute bento!
**[50:04] Guy**
Apparently Totoko-chan makes
her own bento every morning.
**[50:07] Girl**
She's a great cook, too.
**[50:10] Guy**
Whoa, a violin!
**[50:11] Girl**
Oh, that's right. Totoko-chan's
parents are musicians.
**[50:15] Girl**
That's amazing!
**[50:19] Girl**
Wow, that was so amazing!
No wonder she's the heroine.
**[50:21] Some**
She's on another level.
**[50:28] Both**
Huh?
**[50:39] Toto**
Being the heroine is exhausting!
**[50:45] Both**
What?!
**[50:46] Toto**
What is a heroine, anyway?
Who came up with that title?!
**[50:49] Toto**
I always have to be cute?!
I always have to be the good girl?!
**[50:51] Toto**
Like I can actually do that!
**[50:52] Toto**
I just can't!
**[50:54] Toto**
I have absolutely no interest
in this huge, complicated book!
**[50:59] Toto**
Homemade bentos?!
I've never cooked in my entire life!
**[51:05] Toto**
My parents are musicians?!
My family sells fish for a living!
**[51:11] Choro**
Yup...
**[51:12] Jyu**
She's right.
**[51:13] Toto**
Ugh, seriously. What the hell?
**[51:16] Toto**
I can't handle being the heroine!
I can't just keep being cute!
**[51:22] Toto**
Akatsuka-sensei!
**[51:24] Choro**
Come to think of it, the one with
the most issues around this time
**[51:27] Choro**
was Totoko-chan.
**[51:28] Jyu**
Yeah... Let's leave her alone.
**[51:30] Choro**
Yeah.
**[51:35] Choro**
No luck...
**[51:36] Jyu**
Huh?
**[51:37] Choro**
I mean, we don't know whose
regret we're dealing with, right?
**[51:41] Choro**
So I thought we could
ask the people around us.
**[51:44] Jyu**
I see! Way to go, Choromatsu-niisan!
**[51:46] Jyu**
Oh! What about Chibita?
**[51:48] Choro**
Good idea! There's always Chibita!
***SIGN*** Third-Rate Restaurant
**[51:50] Chef**
To hell with you! You're fired!
**[52:09] Chibi**
Guess I really am a failure.
**[52:12] Jyu**
*Did he just say "boku"?*
**[52:13] Choro**
*"Boku"?*
**[52:16] Both**
*What?!*
**[52:19] Chibi**
I'm so hungry.
**[52:21] Guy**
Come have some oden. It's super cheap.
**[52:24] Guy**
It's delicious.
**[52:50] Choro**
Chibita!
**[52:51] Jyu**
Chibita?!
**[53:02] Chibi**
Huh?
**[53:04] Chibi**
The hell are ya doing, you idjits?
**[53:07] Chibi**
Why are you dressed like that?
**[53:08] Chibi**
You're Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu, right?
**[53:11] Toto**
Oh? Choromatsu-kun and Jyushimatsu-kun?
**[53:14] Toto**
What are you two doing?
**[53:18] Guy**
Yay!
**[53:19] Guy**
Yee.
**[53:20] Uchi**
Yee.
**[53:21] Atsushi**
Yee.
**[53:26] Guy**
Nice, Ichi. Looks like you're back to normal.
**[53:28] Todo**
* Thank you, Ichimatsu-niisan!*
* I will follow you for the rest of my life!*
**[53:38] Todo**
Farewell, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[53:41] Guy**
Man, I'm so glad.
**[53:43] Guy**
We've actually been worried
about you sextuplets.
**[53:48] Both**
Huh?
**[53:49] Guy**
I mean, you guys have been
acting so strange lately.
**[53:52] Guy**
I thought something
might be bothering you.
**[53:55] Guy**
But I'm glad you seem to be doing okay.
**[53:57] Guy**
Yeah.
**[53:59] Todo**
Hang on.
**[54:01] Todo**
Do we seem like there's
something bothering us right now?
**[54:05] Ichi**
Which one of us is it?
**[54:06] Todo**
Could you tell us?
**[54:10] Iyami**
A memory world, eh? Of course.
**[54:13] Iyami**
Now everything makes sense.
**[54:16] Iyami**
In other words...
**[54:17] Iyami**
You're the reason me looks
like this right now!
**[54:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[54:23] Oso**
Wait, it's our fault?
**[54:25] Oso**
Why?
**[54:26] Iyami**
Since you're such pathetic adults,
you might've already forgotten
**[54:31] Iyami**
that the six of you didn't
get along at all in high school!
**[54:36] Oso**
We didn't get along?
**[54:37] Oso**
Us?
**[54:39] Jyu**
Really?
**[54:40] Toto**
Yeah, that's how it looks to me.
**[54:44] Toto**
What do you think, Chibita-kun?
**[54:45] Chibi**
You guys totally realize it, don't you?
**[54:50] Chibi**
You know. When you were smaller,
**[54:53] Chibi**
you guys were always together.
**[54:56] Chibi**
You did everything together.
**[54:58] Chibi**
You went everywhere together.
**[55:00] Chibi**
That's what defined you sextuplets.
**[55:03] Chibi**
Yet, lately, you won't even look
at each other. It's really creepy.
**[55:09] Chibi**
What the heck happened with you guys?
**[55:15] Chibi**
I mean, not that it matters to me.
**[55:23] Iyami**
Anyway, all of you are
acting weird right now.
**[55:25] Iyami**
It's really creepy.
**[55:27] Iyami**
And what's worse, you won't
even give me any attention!
**[55:31] Iyami**
That's why your memory of me from
this time is just these teeth!
**[55:37] Iyami**
That's so rude!
**[55:39] Iyami**
Me is the star of the show!
**[55:40] Iyami**
How does the star of the show
end up just being some teeth?
**[55:43] Iyami**
Quit ignoring me! Pay attention to me!
**[55:48] Iyami**
Give me some of that money!
**[55:57] Chibi**
Hey.
**[55:59] Chibi**
You know, why are you asking
like it doesn't involve you?
**[56:02] Both**
Huh?
**[56:03] Toto**
Come to think of it, you two
are acting pretty different.
**[56:08] Chibi**
What's going on?
**[56:09] Toto**
Yeah, what's going on?
**[56:18] Choro**
What is this?!
**[56:19] Jyu**
What's going on?
**[56:22] Choro**
Let's run, Jyushimatsu!
**[56:23] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[56:26] Todo**
Oh, crap! Let's get out of here, Ichi!
**[56:28] Ichi**
Don't call me Ichi!
**[56:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[56:31] Oso**
Hey, what's going on?
**[56:32] Kara**
It's just like Dekapan said!
**[56:34] Choro**
Is this because they almost
figured out who we really are?
**[56:37] Todo**
We got too close to them!
**[56:38] Ichi**
We really can't do things that
didn't happen in our memories.
**[56:41] Todo**
Look out, Ichi!
**[56:43] Ichi**
Stop calling me Ichi!
**[56:49] Deka**
Are those boys okay?!
***SIGN*** Drugs
**[56:52] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo!
**[57:05] Chibi**
Huh? What was I just doing?
**[57:07] Toto**
Where'd they go?
**[57:10] Jyu**
That was close.
**[57:11] Choro**
Seriously, what's going on in this world?
**[57:14] Ichi**
You okay?
**[57:15] Todo**
Yeah.
**[57:16] Oso**
Blood! I'm bleeding!
**[57:17] Oso**
Karamatsu, look!
**[57:18] Oso**
I'm bleeding!
**[57:19] Kara**
Okay, I get it.
**[57:21] Oso**
I'm bleeding!
**[57:21] Kara**
I get it!
**[57:22] Oso**
I'm bleeding! Oh, no!
**[57:24] Oso**
Am I going to die? Help, ambulance?
**[57:25] Oso**
Is there a doctor nearby?!
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** Inokashira Heights
**[57:48] (Flashback) Girl**
What?! You're all brothers?
***SIGN*** Subscribe to our channel
***SIGN*** XXth Akatsuka High School Entrance Ceremony
**[57:50] (Flashback) Guy**
You're sextuplets? Seriously?!
**[57:52] (Flashback) Oso**
Osomatsu!
**[57:53] (Flashback) Kara**
Karamatsu!
**[57:54] (Flashback) Cho**
Choromatsu!
**[57:55] (Flashback) Ichi**
Ichimatsu!
**[57:56] (Flashback) Jyu**
Jyushimatsu!
**[57:56] (Flashback) Todo**
Todomatsu!
**[57:57] (Flashback) Oso**
We're sextuplets!
**[57:59] (Flashback) All**
Nice to meet you all!
**[58:04] (Flashback) Guy**
Hey, Matsuno!
**[58:07] (Flashback) Girl**
Matsuno-kun!
**[58:09] (Flashback) Guy**
Matsuno!
**[58:19] (Flashback) All**
Let's eat!
**[58:27] (Flashback) Guy**
What?
**[58:28] (Flashback) Guy**
Seriously?
**[58:29] (Flashback) Guy**
You guys sleep in the
same futon at home?
**[58:32] (Flashback) Jyu**
Huh? Is it really that weird?
**[58:38] (Flashback) Guy**
Are all the sextuplets coming today?
**[58:41] (Flashback) Guy**
I mean, I don't dislike them,
**[58:44] (Flashback) Guy**
but it's hard to deal with that thing
they do when they're all together.
**[58:47] (Flashback) Guy**
For real.
**[58:48] (Flashback) Guy**
I hate that thing.
**[58:49] (Flashback) Guy**
Right?
**[58:51] (Flashback) Guy**
Hey, Matsuno!
**[58:54] (Flashback) Guy**
Uh, hey...
**[58:56] (Flashback) Girl**
Matsuno-kun!
**[58:59] (Flashback) Teach**
What are you going to
do about your future?
**[59:06] (Flashback) Todo**
I wonder what's going to happen
to us after we graduate.
**[59:12] (Flashback) Todo**
Osomatsu-niichan...
**[59:14] (Flashback) Todo**
Hey!
**[59:15] (Flashback) Oso**
Why are you asking me?
**[59:19] (Flashback) Oso**
Isn't that your own problem?
**[59:41] (Flashback) Oso**
Hey... Why are there six of us?
**[59:54] Oso**
Hey, you damn virgins!
**[59:58] Oso**
Want some beer?
**[1:00:02] Ichi**
Nice.
**[1:00:03] Choro**
Good work, moron.
**[1:00:05] Todo**
Way to go, you shitty eldest brother.
**[1:00:06] Jyu**
Not bad, you shitty eldest brother.
**[1:00:08] Oso**
That's not even a compliment, is it?
**[1:00:17] Todo**
Man, I'm finally remembering
a bunch of things.
**[1:00:21] Todo**
To be honest, it was
pretty rough back then.
**[1:00:23] Todo**
Our third year of high school,
right before we graduated.
**[1:00:27] Choro**
Yeah.
**[1:00:28] Todo**
Actually, you were really weird
back then, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[1:00:32] Choro**
Huh? Wait, you were the weirdo.
**[1:00:35] Oso**
Ichimatsu was weird, too.
**[1:00:37] Ichi**
Uh, the weird one was Jyushimatsu.
**[1:00:39] Jyu**
Huh? No, you were the
one who was weird.
**[1:00:41] Ichi**
You were weird.
**[1:00:43] Oso**
You were weird.
**[1:00:43] Choro**
You were weird.
**[1:00:44] Most**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[1:00:45] Most**
You were the weird one!
**[1:00:53] Jyu**
In the end, we just really hated
being sextuplets back then.
**[1:00:59] Jyu**
Right? It sucked being sextuplets, right?
**[1:01:02] All**
It totally sucked!
**[1:01:03] Choro**
Those jerks were always
comparing us to one another.
**[1:01:06] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[1:01:07] Choro**
Choromatsu's like this,
but Osomatsu's like that.
**[1:01:10] Ichi**
Todomatsu-kun's like this,
but Jyushimatsu-kun is like that.
**[1:01:15] Oso**
Karamatsu is...
**[1:01:16] Jyu**
Choromatsu-kun is...
**[1:01:17] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-kun is...
**[1:01:18] Choro**
Todomatsu is...
**[1:01:19] All**
It's so damn annoying!
**[1:01:21] Choro**
Leave us alone! It's none of your business!
**[1:01:23] Ichi**
And those bastards always
get our names wrong!
**[1:01:26] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[1:01:27] Ichi**
Stop getting them wrong. It's so annoying.
**[1:01:28] Ichi**
We're so sick of that damn pattern!
**[1:01:31] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[1:01:32] Oso**
We aren't even that similar, anyway!
**[1:01:35] All**
Nope, nope!
**[1:01:36] Oso**
Seriously, look. How do
we even look alike?
**[1:01:39] Ichi**
Huh?
**[1:01:40] Choro**
Er...
**[1:01:41] Todo**
Actually, you do sorta look alike.
**[1:01:44] Oso**
What? We sorta look alike?
**[1:01:46] Oso**
For real?
**[1:01:46] Jyu**
Well, we're sextuplets.
**[1:01:48] Oso**
We're sextuplets, huh?
**[1:01:50] Oso**
I guess it can't be helped, then.
**[1:01:54] Ichi**
Man, I'm tired.
**[1:01:56] Todo**
Same.
**[1:01:59] Choro**
You know, we all probably have regrets.
**[1:02:04] Choro**
The reason we ended up
in this strange world
**[1:02:09] Choro**
is because of all of our regrets.
**[1:02:13] All**
Yeah.
**[1:02:15] Kara**
Guys...
**[1:02:17] Kara**
I'm sorry.
**[1:02:19] Kara**
I think I'm the one who has regrets.
**[1:02:23] All**
Huh?
**[1:02:26] Todo**
You got a letter?
**[1:02:29] Kara**
Yeah...
**[1:02:30] Todo**
When?
**[1:02:32] Kara**
I think it was the day before graduation,
**[1:02:36] Kara**
which would be today in this world.
**[1:02:40] Kara**
When I got home from school,
there was a letter waiting.
**[1:02:44] Todo**
From who?
***SIGN*** Takahashi
**[1:02:46] Kara**
The envelope said "Takahashi."
**[1:02:48] Todo**
Takahashi?
**[1:02:49] Todo**
Who's that?
**[1:02:50] Kara**
I don't know.
**[1:02:51] Oso**
Takahashi? Did we know
anyone by that name?
**[1:02:55] Jyu**
Hey, I know!
**[1:02:57] Jyu**
Maybe it's Yoshinobu!
**[1:03:00] Todo**
Nah, I don't think so,
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[1:03:01] Todo**
We're discussing something important
right now, so keep quiet!
**[1:03:04] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[1:03:05] Oso**
So, what did the letter say?
**[1:03:08] Kara**
I didn't read it.
**[1:03:09] Oso**
You didn't read it? Why?
**[1:03:13] Kara**
I couldn't open it because
it was addressed to...
***SIGN*** To Matsuno-kun
**[1:03:17] Oso**
Yeah, that would make it difficult to open.
**[1:03:20] Oso**
We don't know which one of us the
letter was actually addressed to.
**[1:03:24] Kara**
Yeah, that's why I... wanted
to talk to all of you about it.
**[1:03:30] Kara**
I just couldn't find the right time.
**[1:03:33] Kara**
It just wasn't possible for us to have
an actual conversation back then.
**[1:03:40] Kara**
But I didn't think things
should just end like that.
**[1:03:43] Kara**
So, after graduation, I asked
all of you to meet with me.
**[1:03:46] Kara**
Do you remember that?
**[1:03:47] Kara**
That's where I was going to say...
**[1:03:50] Kara**
"We got a letter from
someone named Takahashi.
**[1:03:53] Kara**
Do you guys know who that is?
**[1:03:54] Kara**
Does anyone recognize that name?"
**[1:03:58] Kara**
But then... I'm not even sure what started it...
**[1:04:08] Choro**
Yeah, I guess that did happen...
**[1:04:11] Todo**
Why did we even get
into that huge fight?
**[1:04:14] Ichi**
That sucked.
**[1:04:14] Jyu**
I remember that now!
**[1:04:17] Oso**
Honestly, we don't have any good
memories of high school at all.
**[1:04:21] Kara**
Before I realized it,
**[1:04:23] Kara**
the letter was gone.
**[1:04:27] Kara**
That's bothered me all this time.
**[1:04:31] Choro**
So it was Karamatsu's regret that
he wasn't able to read the letter
**[1:04:34] Choro**
that brought us to this world?
**[1:04:36] Todo**
Then if we read that letter,
will we be able to go back to reality?
**[1:04:40] Kara**
I think so...
**[1:04:42] Oso**
Why didn't you say anything earlier?
**[1:04:43] Kara**
Huh?
**[1:04:44] Oso**
That was bothering you, right?
**[1:04:46] Oso**
You should've just told us.
**[1:04:50] Ichi**
He couldn't tell you.
**[1:04:52] Oso**
Huh?
**[1:04:53] Ichi**
If he brought up that letter,
**[1:04:56] Ichi**
we'd also remember what
happened that day.
**[1:05:02] Kara**
I'm sorry.
**[1:05:03] Oso**
No, really. You don't need to apologize.
**[1:05:06] Todo**
Yeah, that's right.
**[1:05:07] Choro**
Even if someone else had found the letter,
we couldn't have opened it or talked about it,
**[1:05:12] Choro**
so it would've ended the same way.
**[1:05:14] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah.
**[1:05:15] Oso**
That's true.
**[1:05:16] Todo**
No.
**[1:05:17] Todo**
You definitely would've opened that letter.
I can say that with conviction!
**[1:05:21] Oso**
Oh, come on.
**[1:05:22] Todo**
You, come on!
**[1:05:23] Oso**
Oh, come—
**[1:05:23] Choro**
But...
**[1:05:24] Choro**
The real question here is:
who is this Takahashi person?
**[1:05:28] Ichi**
Takahashi...
**[1:05:30] Jyu**
Hey, I know!
**[1:05:32] Jyu**
Maybe it's Shuhei!
**[1:05:34] Todo**
Could you please shut up,
Jyushimatsu-niisan?!
**[1:05:35] Todo**
We're discussing something
important right now!
**[1:05:37] Jyu**
Satoshi!
**[1:05:37] Todo**
No!
**[1:05:38] Jyu**
Hisanori!
**[1:05:39] Todo**
No!
**[1:05:39] Jyu**
So it's Yoshinobu!
**[1:05:44] Oso**
What's up?
**[1:05:45] Todo**
Wait, what?
**[1:05:47] Choro**
I finally remember Takahashi-san.
**[1:05:49] All**
What? You remember them?
**[1:05:51] Choro**
Yeah, the reunion.
**[1:05:53] All**
The reunion?
**[1:05:54] Choro**
Totoko-chan was saying...
**[1:05:57] (Flashback) Toto**
Takahashi-san.
**[1:05:58] (Flashback) Toto**
I was hoping we could meet up...
**[1:06:02] Todo**
W-Wait a sec.
**[1:06:05] Todo**
If she said "Takahashi-san,"
then it must be a girl.
**[1:06:11] Todo**
And if she was supposed
to be at the reunion,
**[1:06:14] Todo**
then she was in our class.
**[1:06:17] Todo**
Which means, when we were in high school,
**[1:06:21] Todo**
one of us got a letter from a girl in our class!
**[1:06:28] Ichi**
N-No way...
**[1:06:30] Choro**
We were even shittier
back then, and yet...
**[1:06:33] Oso**
No way! One of us,
when we were in high school...
**[1:06:35] Jyu**
...got a letter...
**[1:06:37] Kara**
...from a girl classmate?!
**[1:06:39] Todo**
Yes!
**[1:06:41] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:06:47] Todo**
What is this?!
**[1:06:48] Choro**
What is this?!
**[1:06:49] Jyu**
Go!
**[1:06:51] Oso**
I never even imagined!
**[1:06:55] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[1:06:56] Ichi**
Punishment!
**[1:07:08] Kara**
Jesus! So that's what that meant!
**[1:07:11] Todo**
We got a letter from a girl in our class!
**[1:07:14] Choro**
I thought high school was
the absolute worst...
**[1:07:16] Choro**
But I guess something really
good happened, after all.
**[1:07:21] Jyu**
I'm getting really excited now!
**[1:07:23] Ichi**
Yeah, I'm having fun.
**[1:07:25] Oso**
Anyway, we have to find Totoko-chan!
**[1:07:26] Oso**
We need to go see her and ask
who this Takahashi-san is!
**[1:07:30] All**
Yeah!
**[1:07:31] All**
Hurry!
**[1:07:34] Oso**
Wait, we need to put our clothes on.
**[1:07:36] ---**
Oh, right.
**[1:07:38] Six**
Hurry!
**[1:07:40] Toto**
Huh? Takahashi-san?
**[1:07:41] Toto**
Of course I know her.
**[1:07:44] Toto**
Takahashi Nozomi-chan, right?
**[1:07:47] Kara**
*So her name is Nozomi-chan.*
**[1:07:49] Choro**
*I like her already!*
**[1:07:50] Toto**
But why are you asking about her now?
**[1:07:53] Toto**
Osomatsu-kun and Ichimatsu-kun
are in the same class as her.
**[1:07:57] Oso**
*Ichimatsu, did you have any idea?*
**[1:07:59] Ichi**
*No, not at all.*
**[1:08:00] Ichi**
*What?*
**[1:08:00] Oso**
*Who is she?*
**[1:08:03] Toto**
A letter, huh? I can see
Takahashi-san doing that,
**[1:08:08] Toto**
because she was always
watching you guys.
**[1:08:10] All**
Huh?
**[1:08:11] Jyu**
*She was watching us?*
**[1:08:12] Todo**
*Us?!*
**[1:08:13] Choro**
Wait, why?!
**[1:08:15] Girl**
Y'all are so dense.
**[1:08:17] All**
Huh?
**[1:08:18] Girl**
Honestly, how do boys never
realize stuff like this?
**[1:08:21] Girl**
There were even rumors
that Takahashi-san
**[1:08:25] Girl**
actually liked one of you.
**[1:08:29] All**
Wha...
**[1:08:30] All**
What?!
**[1:08:32] Toto**
Hey, I wouldn't go that far.
**[1:08:35] Girl**
I'm pretty sure she did, though.
**[1:08:37] Girl**
I know, right?
**[1:08:39] Girl**
Y'all are sharp.
**[1:08:40] Toto**
You guys shouldn't go assuming things.
**[1:08:43] Toto**
Sorry, it's not as if Takahashi-san
came out and said...
**[1:08:48] Toto**
Huh?
**[1:08:51] All**
Yay!
**[1:08:53] Choro**
She liked us! Takahashi-san liked one of us!
**[1:08:57] Jyu**
Oh, shit!
**[1:08:59] Todo**
Things are getting exciting now!
**[1:09:01] Kara**
So it was a love letter?
Someone confessed her love?
**[1:09:04] Ichi**
Well, it was right before graduation,
so it's totally possible!
**[1:09:07] Oso**
Wait... Does that mean one of us
might've actually had a chance
**[1:09:11] Oso**
to have a girlfriend in high school?
**[1:09:13] All**
Woo!
**[1:09:14] Jyu**
Does that mean we were actually
popular in high school?
**[1:09:16] All**
Woo!
**[1:09:18] Choro**
Does that mean we might actually
be able to read that letter now?
**[1:09:21] All**
Woo! Woo!
***SIGN*** Night
**[1:09:26] Oso**
Man... Isn't this memory world awesome?
**[1:09:29] All**
Yeah!
**[1:09:30] Ichi**
Thank you, memories!
We love you, memories!
**[1:09:32] All**
They're the best!
**[1:09:35] All**
Yeah!
**[1:09:39] Choro**
So, for starters, we need to find
this letter that Karamatsu had.
**[1:09:44] Kara**
Yeah, I should've been
home at this hour.
**[1:09:47] Oso**
Oh, shit!
**[1:09:51] Oso**
It's Dad!
**[1:09:52] Dad**
Wow... My boys are finally
graduating tomorrow.
**[1:09:56] Dad**
I'm sure they're going to become
wonderful, responsible adults.
**[1:09:59] Dad**
I mean, we have six of them.
**[1:10:02] Dad**
If all of them find a job and send
even a little bit of money back home,
**[1:10:05] Dad**
we'll be set for life.
**[1:10:08] Dad**
I can't wait. Anyway, I'm home!
**[1:10:13] Oso**
The hell? Talk about killing the mood.
**[1:10:16] All**
Yeah.
**[1:10:17] Todo**
Honestly, Matsuzou. Get a clue.
**[1:10:20] Ichi**
It's okay.
**[1:10:22] Ichi**
We have Takahashi-san!
**[1:10:24] Kara**
That's right! The letter!
**[1:10:26] All**
The letter! The letter!
**[1:10:30] Oso**
Let's see, where's the
letter addressed to me?
**[1:10:33] Choro**
Hey! Who said it was to you?
**[1:10:35] Todo**
It's me that Nozomi-chan liked!
**[1:10:36] Jyu**
It was definitely for me!
**[1:10:38] Ichi**
Don't get in the way of our love!
**[1:10:42] Kara**
Hold it!
**[1:10:44] Kara**
Nozomi's my woman.
**[1:10:47] All**
Wha?!
**[1:10:48] Ichi**
You just happened to
find the letter first!
**[1:10:51] Kara**
Well, actually... You see...
**[1:10:53] Ichi**
Huh?
***SIGN*** To Matsuno-kun
**[1:10:54] Kara**
When I got a closer look at who
the letter was addressed to...
**[1:10:58] Kara**
I think it actually said "Karamatsu"
in the tiniest letters ever.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[1:11:02] All**
You liar!
**[1:11:03] Jyu**
We're only in this mess because you didn't
just open the damn letter to begin with!
**[1:11:08] All**
Yeah, yeah!
**[1:11:09] Oso**
You moron!
**[1:11:10] Ichi**
Dumbass!
**[1:11:10] Todo**
Die!
**[1:11:10] Kara**
What?! But you were being so nice earlier!
**[1:11:13] Choro**
Like that matters! The circumstances
have changed, dumbass!
**[1:11:18] All**
M-Mom?
**[1:11:24] Mom**
Burglars!
**[1:11:27] Dad**
Burglars?!
**[1:11:28] All**
Burglars?!
**[1:11:29] Cop**
Burglars!
**[1:11:31] All**
What?!
**[1:11:32] All**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[1:11:34] Cop**
Hold it right there!
**[1:11:36] Jyu**
He's shooting at us!
He's shooting at us!
**[1:11:38] ---**
What's that cop's problem?!
**[1:11:40] Choro**
Guys, wait for me!
**[1:11:41] Kara**
Nope!
**[1:11:42] Cop**
Hold it!
**[1:11:43] Choro**
Nope!
**[1:11:44] Dad**
Man... There sure are some
awful people in this world.
**[1:11:48] Mom**
I would love to see the people
responsible for raising them.
**[1:11:53] Todo**
I've had it! I want to go
back to reality already!
**[1:11:55] All**
We wanna go home!
**[1:11:56] Jyu**
But I still wanna know
what the letter said!
**[1:11:58] All**
We wanna read it!
**[1:12:00] All**
Takahashi-san! The letter!
***SIGN*** Congratulations
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School
66th Graduating Class
Graduation Ceremony Venue
**[1:12:17] Song**
*We owe so much*
**[1:12:24] Song**
*To our honorable mentors*
**[1:12:32] Song**
*The years have gone by so fast*
**[1:12:40] Song**
*In this garden of learning*
**[1:12:47] Song**
* As we look back on all*
* of those fond years*
**[1:13:03] Song**
*Now, this is where we part*
**[1:13:14] Song**
*Farewell, my dear friends*
***SIGN*** Congratulations, graduates!!
**[1:14:28] Kara**
Hold it!
**[1:14:33] Todo**
Every adult has experienced it
at least once in their lives!
**[1:14:35] Jyu**
Being young and thoughtless,
misunderstandings happen!
**[1:14:38] Ichi**
Fighting, troubling their
parents, being rebellious...
**[1:14:41] Choro**
Embarrassing dreams...
Oh, why did I ever do such a thing?
**[1:14:45] Kara**
We shall stop you before you
young ones create for yourselves
**[1:14:49] Kara**
such dark pasts.
**[1:14:51] Oso**
Ah, we're such kind and caring adults.
**[1:14:54] Oso**
That is us! The Dark Past Prevention Bros...
**[1:14:58] All**
The Teenage Angst Busters!
***SIGN*** Teenage Angst Busters
***SIGN*** Dark Past Prevention Bros
**[1:15:06] Kara**
Hey, look over there.
**[1:15:08] Kara**
Look at that adolescent display over there.
**[1:15:10] Kara**
This is bad! They're about to create
dark pasts for themselves!
**[1:15:14] Both**
Leave it to us!
**[1:15:16] Both**
Teenage Angst Busters...
**[1:15:18] Choro**
Special Attack!
**[1:15:18] Todo**
Special Attack!
**[1:15:20] Both**
Sibling Quarreling Ban!
**[1:15:27] Both**
Now, now, now.
**[1:15:30] Both**
No, no. Now, now, now.
**[1:15:35] Both**
No, no. Now, now, now, now, now, now.
***SIGN*** Caution: Flammable
**[1:15:39] Todo**
Dark past prevented!
***SIGN*** Curse
**[1:15:41] Kara**
Nice, nice, nice!
**[1:15:43] Oso**
Well done! Thank you.
**[1:15:45] Jyu**
Hey, who the hell are you guys?
**[1:15:48] Ichi**
Crap. The angriest one stepped forward.
**[1:15:52] Ichi**
Take care of it, Number 5.
**[1:15:54] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[1:15:57] Jyu**
Teenage Angst Check!
**[1:16:01] Jyu**
Teenage Angst level 100...
**[1:16:04] Jyu**
The hell do you want?!
**[1:16:05] Jyu**
T-Teenage Angst level 500...
**[1:16:06] Jyu**
The hell are you looking at, huh?!
**[1:16:08] Jyu**
T-Teenage Angst level 2,000?!
**[1:16:11] Jyu**
I-Impossible! It's still going u— Boeh!
**[1:16:16] All**
Are you all right, Number 5?!
**[1:16:19] Jyu**
I-I'm leaving the rest to you guys...
**[1:16:24] All**
Number 5!
**[1:16:26] Ichi**
Hey! No getting out of this by playing dead!
**[1:16:28] Ichi**
Do something about your own angry self!
**[1:16:31] Todo**
Honestly, why are you boys even
fighting on the day of your graduation?
**[1:16:35] Todo**
There's only so much you can
blame on teenage angst.
**[1:16:37] Kara**
Take our advice. Just don't do it.
**[1:16:39] Oso**
You'll remember it later
and want to throw up.
**[1:16:42] Ichi**
You'll feel like dying.
**[1:16:44] Todo**
Wh-Who are you people?
**[1:16:47] Oso**
Us? We've already been
through this, haven't we?
**[1:16:51] All**
We're the Teenage Angst Busters!
**[1:16:52] Choro**
Seriously, who are you?!
**[1:16:53] Todo**
Those weirdos are super creepy.
**[1:16:55] Oso**
What are outsiders like you
doing at our school, anyway?
**[1:16:58] ichi**
Leave!
**[1:16:59] Jyu**
Get the hell out!
**[1:17:00] Some**
Yeah! Leave!
**[1:17:01] Some**
Leave!
**[1:17:01] Some**
Get out! Get out! Get out!
**[1:17:02] Todo**
There's no point in talking to them.
**[1:17:04] Todo**
They've got nothing going
for them but their pride.
**[1:17:07] Oso**
No wonder they're virgins.
**[1:17:10] All**
W-We aren't virgins!
**[1:17:12] All**
Huh?
**[1:17:13] Oso**
We've totally had experience!
**[1:17:15] Ichi**
We totally have girlfriends!
**[1:17:16] Todo**
And we're popular!
**[1:17:18] Jyu**
What proof do you even have that
we're virgins?! You got any? Huh?
**[1:17:25] Choro**
This is just sad.
**[1:17:26] Kara**
It sure is.
**[1:17:27] Choro**
They're screaming the most obvious lie
**[1:17:29] Choro**
at the people who know for
sure that they're lying.
**[1:17:32] Oso**
Shut up, Virgin Village!
**[1:17:34] Oso**
Just listen to what we have
to say, Virgin Village!
**[1:17:38] Ichi**
What the hell is Virgin Village?!
**[1:17:39] Todo**
Don't call us a village!
**[1:17:41] Todo**
Just hand over that letter.
**[1:17:44] Todo**
It's not you idiots that we're here for.
It's that lovely letter we want.
**[1:17:51] Oso**
Letter?
**[1:17:52] Choro**
What are you talking about?
**[1:17:55] Kara**
Why do you know about the letter?
**[1:17:56] Todo**
Give it!
**[1:17:56] Kara**
W-W-W-Wait!
**[1:17:57] Jyu**
The hell are you doing?!
**[1:17:59] Ichi**
Hey, stop that!
**[1:18:00] Choro**
Hey! What are you people doing?
**[1:18:05] Oso**
Damn it... Respect your elders!
**[1:18:08] Oso**
I don't know a moron like you!
**[1:18:11] Kara**
Listen to us, damn it!
***SIGN*** Crazy
**[1:18:14] Choro**
Unhand me at once! I'm against violence!
**[1:18:17] Choro**
Damn, could your voice be any higher?!
**[1:18:19] Ichi**
You shouldn't push yourself so much.
**[1:18:21] Ichi**
You're the one pushing yourself.
**[1:18:23] Jyu**
Dumbass!
**[1:18:24] Jyu**
Dumbass!
**[1:18:25] Both**
Dumbass! Dumbass! Dumbass!
Dumbass! Dumbass! Dumbass!
**[1:18:26] Todo**
Oh, give it a rest already, Cherry Village!
**[1:18:30] Todo**
Wait. Why are you assuming that?
**[1:18:32] Todo**
It's not like everyone's interested
in stuff like that, anyway.
**[1:18:35] Todo**
I'm not that interested, myself.
**[1:18:37] Todo**
Isn't it more likely that all of you who are
so obsessed with this matter are the issue?
**[1:18:41] Todo**
Holy shit! I was infuriatingly
annoying in the past!
**[1:18:45] Todo**
How can you be so uncute?!
What's wrong with you, Totty?!
**[1:18:48] Todo**
Get a friggin' grip, Totty!
**[1:18:49] All**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[1:18:55] Oso**
Ow...
**[1:18:56] Choro**
What's the big idea?
**[1:18:58] Oso/choro**
Oh.
**[1:19:01] Kara**
Huh?
**[1:19:02] Jyu**
Wha?
**[1:19:03] Todo**
Wh-Why do you have those faces?
**[1:19:06] Jyu**
Uh-oh.
**[1:19:14] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[1:19:15] Toto**
What's going on?
**[1:19:26] Oso**
Shit! Shit! Shit! We need to hurry!
**[1:19:28] Todo**
Where's the letter?!
**[1:19:29] Jyu**
The letter! The letter!
**[1:19:31] Kara**
There it is!
**[1:19:40] Jyu**
Boehba!
***SIGN*** Takahashi
**[1:19:46] Oso**
Shit! Shit!
**[1:19:49] Oso**
Man, that was close!
I just barely caught it!
**[1:19:52] Kara**
Nice!
**[1:19:54] Todo**
Hurry up and open it! Hurry!
**[1:19:55] Choro**
What's it say?!
**[1:19:56] Jyu**
I'm telling you,
I'm the one Takahashi-san likes!
**[1:19:58] Todo**
Is it me?
**[1:19:58] Ichi**
Is it me?
**[1:19:59] Kara**
Is it me?
**[1:19:59] Choro**
Who is it?!
**[1:20:01] Oso**
Opening Takahashi-san's
letter in... Five...
**[1:20:06] Oso**
four... three...
**[1:20:09] Both**
Just open it, damn it!
**[1:20:11] Oso**
Okay, okay.
**[1:20:13] Oso**
There!
**[1:20:15] Oso**
What is this?
**[1:20:18] Oso**
It's blank...
***SIGN*** Kill
**[1:20:21] Oso**
The hell?
**[1:20:23] Jyu**
Wha?
**[1:20:25] Todo**
Huh?
**[1:20:28] Kara**
Hey, why isn't there
anything written here?
**[1:20:31] Ichi**
I know.
**[1:20:33] Ichi**
Of course there's nothing written.
**[1:20:35] Ichi**
This is a memory world.
**[1:20:38] Ichi**
None of us actually read
this letter in the past,
**[1:20:41] Ichi**
so even if we read it now,
**[1:20:43] Ichi**
there won't be anything written in it.
**[1:20:47] Choro**
O-Of course!
**[1:20:49] Todo**
Damn it!
**[1:20:50] Todo**
We were totally overlooking
the obvious because of the miracle
**[1:20:54] Todo**
of getting a letter from a girl!
**[1:20:57] Oso**
This is the problem with virgins!
**[1:21:06] Kara**
Oh, no! The letter!
**[1:21:12] Choro**
Wh-What the heck are we going to do?
**[1:21:24] Todo**
Wait, what?
**[1:21:26] Ichi**
It's that cat again.
***SIGN*** To Matsuno-kun
**[1:21:29] Todo**
The letter?
***SIGN*** Takahashi
**[1:21:33] Ichi**
Huh? Takahashi-san?
**[1:21:37] Ichi**
Takahashi-san's... house?
**[1:21:42] Ichi**
You'll take us there?
**[1:21:44] Todo**
Wait, seriously?!
**[1:21:45] Jyu**
This cat knows Takahashi-san?!
**[1:21:48] Ichi**
I'm not sure.
**[1:21:49] Kara**
It knows where she lives?
**[1:21:50] Ichi**
Seriously, I don't know. Stop asking me.
**[1:22:04] Oso**
Anyway, we just have to go!
**[1:22:07] Oso**
I mean, I'm not sure...
**[1:22:08] Oso**
I'm not sure, but we have no choice
but to rely on this cat, right?
**[1:22:14] Choro**
Y-You're right.
**[1:22:16] Ichi**
Let's go.
**[1:22:16] Kara**
Yes, let's!
**[1:22:17] Todo**
Yeah.
**[1:22:18] Jyu**
We've come this far!
**[1:22:20] Oso**
It's all about going with the flow!
***SIGN*** Kill
**[1:22:23] Oso**
Let's not think too much about it
and just go with the flow, guys!
**[1:22:26] All**
Yeah!
**[1:22:28] Choro**
But before that...
**[1:22:31] Choro**
Hey.
**[1:22:33] Choro**
You guys are coming, too.
**[1:22:34] All**
Huh?
**[1:22:35] Ichi**
Uh, we've got nothing to do with this.
**[1:22:38] Oso**
Yeah... Actually, what the heck's going on?
**[1:22:41] Oso**
Could you explain what's happe—
**[1:22:43] Choro**
Shut yer mouth! We're going!
**[1:22:45] Choro**
You can guess if you actually
look around you, dumbass!
**[1:22:48] Choro**
You're gonna go see
Takahashi-san, you morons!
***SIGN*** Curse
***SIGN*** Crazy
***SIGN*** Evil
***SIGN*** Kill
***SIGN*** Demon
**[1:22:50] Choro**
Follow us, Virgin Village!
**[1:23:01] Toto**
Don't worry about me,
everyone! Just run!
**[1:23:04] Chibi**
Maybe I'll just die now.
It's not like I have anything to do.
**[1:23:12] Hata**
Jo...
**[1:23:15] Oso**
Wait, is this true?
**[1:23:17] Oso**
Takahashi-san from our class...
**[1:23:19] Ichi**
...gave us a letter?
**[1:23:21] Kara**
Yeah, it's true.
**[1:23:24] Kara**
It arrived at our house yesterday.
**[1:23:27] Jyu**
So they really...
**[1:23:28] Choro**
...are us as adults?
**[1:23:34] Deka**
Is everything going to be okay?!
**[1:23:35] Dayon**
This is insane!
**[1:23:38] Deka**
The memory world is losing control!
**[1:23:41] Deka**
At this rate, everyone's going
to turn into water fleas...
**[1:23:49] Choro**
What were they even trying to do?
**[1:23:52] Todo**
What is all this?
**[1:23:55] Jyu**
Wait, these are all
Karamatsu-niisan's memories?!
**[1:23:59] Todo**
Ugh, they're in the way!
**[1:24:02] Summer**
Nice summer!
**[1:24:03] Both**
Outta the way!
**[1:24:04] Kara**
Hey! Don't go around
kicking my memories!
**[1:24:08] Choro**
Say, this is a memory world, right?
**[1:24:11] Choro**
So meeting this Takahashi-san isn't
going to change the future, is it?
**[1:24:15] Todo**
Isn't this sort of pointless?
**[1:24:18] Oso**
That's true...
**[1:24:20] Todo**
Hang on a second!
**[1:24:22] Choro**
Of course it's not pointless!
**[1:24:25] Jyu**
This is our only chance.
**[1:24:27] Jyu**
Our only chance to go see her
and ask her for the truth.
**[1:24:31] Jyu**
You guys might not understand right now,
**[1:24:34] Jyu**
but that's what happens after graduation.
**[1:24:37] Jyu**
You'll start to lose touch with
everyone and eventually drift apart.
**[1:24:40] Jyu**
You'll basically forget about everything.
**[1:24:42] Ichi**
Just go see her.
**[1:24:44] Todo**
Ask her what was in the letter.
**[1:24:46] Kara**
Otherwise, once you become adults,
**[1:24:50] Kara**
you'll definitely regret it.
**[1:24:54] Oso**
Apparently, Takahashi-san
liked one of you guys.
**[1:24:58] Oso**
If you go see her,
you might get a girlfriend.
**[1:25:01] Oso**
It's the chance of a lifetime!
**[1:25:02] Oso**
Why wouldn't you go?
**[1:25:09] Todo**
Huh?!
**[1:25:10] Choro**
What the hell is that?!
**[1:25:12] Chibi**
I don't have any talent...
I have nothing to do.
**[1:25:15] Choro**
Is that Chibita?!
**[1:25:17] Kara**
H-He's rotted away! His heart, that is!
**[1:25:30] Hata**
Jo...
**[1:25:32] Todo**
Chibita! Calm down!
**[1:25:34] Chibi**
My future's totally dark, you idjits!
**[1:25:37] Choro**
Wait, you have your oden!
**[1:25:39] Jyu**
Why were you even trying
to become a fancy chef?!
**[1:25:41] Ichi**
Chibita!
**[1:25:43] Ichi**
Oden!
**[1:25:44] Oso**
Oden!
**[1:25:45] Kara**
You have your oden, damn it!
**[1:25:48] All**
Chibita!
**[1:25:53] Chibi**
Oden?
**[1:25:53] Chibi**
That's all I need?
**[1:25:55] Kara**
Hell, that's basically all you have!
**[1:25:58] Ichi**
You have a super yummy
oden stall in the future!
**[1:26:01] Jyu**
So you're gonna be fine!
**[1:26:07] Chibi**
It's so good!
**[1:26:10] Chibi**
I really do love oden, after all!
**[1:26:17] Chibi**
Huh? What was I doing?
**[1:26:21] Oso**
That was close...
**[1:26:23] Toto**
Guys!
**[1:26:26] All**
Totoko-chan!
**[1:26:27] Boys**
It's Totoko-chan!
**[1:26:28] All**
Totoko-chan!
**[1:26:30] Toto**
Here you go. Good work.
**[1:26:32] Todo**
Thanks!
**[1:26:33] Toto**
Good work!
**[1:26:34] Ichi**
Thanks!
**[1:26:35] Toto**
Good work, guys!
**[1:26:37] Choro**
That's our heroine for you!
**[1:26:39] Jyu**
You sure are cute!
**[1:26:41] Toto**
Oh, that's not true.
**[1:26:43] Toto**
Because...
**[1:26:45] All**
Huh?
**[1:26:46] Toto**
Because... this isn't the real me at all!
**[1:26:51] All**
What?!
**[1:26:53] Choro**
She had to get big, too?!
**[1:26:55] Todo**
Enough of that!
**[1:26:59] Hata**
Jo...
**[1:27:01] Toto**
What's with all this heroine crap,
you dumbasses?!
**[1:27:03] Toto**
What the hell's a proper heroine?!
**[1:27:05] Oso**
Totoko-chan!
**[1:27:07] Choro**
You'll be okay, too, Totoko-chan!
**[1:27:08] Oso**
You're fine as you are!
**[1:27:10] Choro**
Yeah! You're a super cute
heroine in the future!
**[1:27:13] All**
You're cute just the way
you are, Totoko-chan!
***SIGN*** You're cute!
***SIGN*** You're cute!
**[1:27:23] Toto**
Wait... I can just be me?
**[1:27:26] Toto**
Oh, okay!
**[1:27:29] Oso**
Man, she's scary.
**[1:27:30] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[1:27:32] Iyami**
This is the end of the line, boys!
**[1:27:34] All**
Iyami!
**[1:27:36] Iyami**
How dare you keep the story
moving along without me?!
**[1:27:40] Iyami**
Me has never experienced
such humiliation!
**[1:27:42] Iyami**
Me is supposed to be the
star of this anime!
**[1:27:45] Iyami**
Me is the biggest star of the Showa Era!
**[1:27:47] Iyami**
And yet...
**[1:27:49] Iyami**
Don't just write me off as a memory!
**[1:27:54] Kara**
Uh, what the hell is that?!
**[1:27:56] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:27:59] Iyami**
Get them!
**[1:28:00] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:28:03] Oso**
Stop it, Iyami!
**[1:28:05] Kara**
Iyami!
**[1:28:05] Choro**
You're gonna be fine, too!
**[1:28:07] Choro**
We don't think of you as
a memory or anything!
**[1:28:10] Jyu**
How could we ever forget about you?!
**[1:28:13] Ichi**
Iyami!
**[1:28:14] Todo**
Iyami!
**[1:28:14] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:28:16] Oso**
It's no use! He's not listening at all!
**[1:28:23] Oso**
Hey!
**[1:28:24] Iyami**
Now me is going to go meet
this Takahashi Nozomi-chan!
**[1:28:29] All**
Huh?!
**[1:28:29] Kara**
Why are *you* going?!
**[1:28:31] Choro**
Why would you do that?!
**[1:28:32] Iyami**
Me can't wait to see what happens.
**[1:28:37] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:28:39] All**
Iyami!
**[1:28:42] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[1:28:52] Iyami**
What's the big idea?!
**[1:28:53] Iyami**
How dare you do that to the star?!
The fans will never forgive you!
**[1:28:59] Oso**
He's finally back to normal.
**[1:29:01] Jyu**
Jeez, what a pain.
**[1:29:03] Iya**
Huh?
**[1:29:05] Ichi**
What? You just wanted attention?
**[1:29:08] Todo**
An old guy like you was just lonely?
**[1:29:21] Jyu**
Hey, I think it's that house.
**[1:29:25] Ichi**
That's Takahashi-san's house?
**[1:29:27] Kara**
That's where she is?
**[1:29:30] Todo**
It's finally time...
**[1:29:31] Choro**
Yeah.
**[1:29:40] Hata**
Jo...
**[1:29:44] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[1:29:45] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[1:29:55] Ichi**
We have things to ask you.
**[1:29:58] Kara**
Hey, hurry!
**[1:29:59] Kara**
The house is right there! Let's go!
**[1:30:01] Oso**
Let's go, guys!
**[1:30:03] All**
Yeah!
**[1:30:21] Choro**
Hey.
**[1:30:22] Choro**
What's going to happen
to us after we graduate?
**[1:30:24] Choro**
What kind of adults are we
in the future? Tell us!
**[1:30:27] Oso**
Jeez, where'd that come from?
**[1:30:29] Jyu**
Tell us!
**[1:30:30] Kara**
Please tell us!
**[1:30:31] Todo**
Because we don't know anymore...
**[1:30:34] Ichi**
What are we supposed to do from now on?
**[1:30:38] Choro**
Don't worry about it, Choromatsu.
**[1:30:40] Choro**
You always try to act so
serious and responsible.
**[1:30:43] Choro**
And what's wrong with that?
**[1:30:44] Choro**
Being responsible is a great thing.
**[1:30:47] Choro**
You always need someone like that.
**[1:30:51] Choro**
Just so you know,
**[1:30:52] Choro**
I like you quite a bit.
**[1:30:55] Ichi**
What? You can't?
**[1:30:56] Ichi**
Nah, I can't, either.
**[1:30:58] Ichi**
It's scary, right?
You just want to run away.
**[1:31:01] Ichi**
It's so easy to tell you all this.
**[1:31:04] Ichi**
Crazy, isn't it? It is, huh?
**[1:31:07] Ichi**
Just laugh.
**[1:31:09] Todo**
Oh, come on. What's with that face?
**[1:31:12] Todo**
You're not cute at all.
***SIGN*** Virgin five-step conjugations
**[1:31:14] Todo**
It'll be okay. You guys
are all getting along.
**[1:31:16] Todo**
It's actually sorta fun.
**[1:31:18] Todo**
I mean... they do piss me off sometimes.
**[1:31:21] Todo**
Actually, I want to kill them all the time.
**[1:31:26] Todo**
But being sextuplets is pretty fun.
**[1:31:32] Jyu**
You don't know what to do?
**[1:31:34] Jyu**
I see.
**[1:31:36] Jyu**
I'm going to give you
some excellent advice.
**[1:31:40] Jyu**
You see...
**[1:31:42] Jyu**
What I want to tell you is...
**[1:31:45] Jyu**
You see...
**[1:31:47] Jyu**
So...
**[1:31:48] Jyu**
Save me!
**[1:31:57] Oso**
The oldest?
**[1:31:59] Oso**
Yeah, I guess I am.
**[1:32:01] Oso**
Huh? Who cares about that?
**[1:32:04] Oso**
Actually, say what you will,
but you're always going to be like this.
**[1:32:08] Oso**
You can't run away from this.
**[1:32:10] Oso**
Giving up might be a viable option.
**[1:32:12] Oso**
Just kidding.
**[1:32:18] Kara**
Wait, so it'll be okay?
**[1:32:22] Kara**
Hmm?
**[1:32:23] Kara**
Are we actually okay
just the way we are?
**[1:32:25] Kara**
I think you are.
**[1:32:27] Kara**
Really?!
**[1:32:28] Kara**
Yeah.
**[1:32:28] Kara**
You all end up being a
bunch of decent guys.
**[1:32:33] Kara**
Hey, are we actually popular?
**[1:32:34] Kara**
Huh?! Uh...
**[1:32:36] Kara**
Uh...
**[1:32:39] Kara**
Of course!
**[1:32:40] Kara**
We're crazy popular!
**[1:32:42] Kara**
What?! Do you have a girlfriend, then?
**[1:32:45] Kara**
Yup. I do.
**[1:32:46] Kara**
So you're not a virgin?!
**[1:32:48] Kara**
Nope... I'm not a virgin anymore.
**[1:32:52] Kara**
Yeah! Future me is awesome!
**[1:32:55] Kara**
So be more confident in yourself
and become an adult already!
**[1:32:58] Kara**
Here you go.
**[1:33:03] Kara**
See ya!
**[1:33:06] Kara**
H-He's so cool!
**[1:33:31] Oso**
All right, here we go, guys!
**[1:33:33] Oso**
Let's show them what NEET Village is made of!
**[1:33:36] All**
Yeah!
**[1:33:38] Oso**
Hey, wait. Did you casually just say NEET?
**[1:33:42] Jyu**
NEET? What's that supposed to mean?!
**[1:33:43] Oso**
Just shut up and get on already!
**[1:33:45] Choro**
Hurry up!
**[1:33:46] Todo**
No, wait. What do you mean by NEET?
**[1:33:48] Ichi**
NEET is rather concerning!
**[1:33:49] Choro**
Are we in trouble?
**[1:33:50] Ichi**
Now's not the time to worry about that.
**[1:34:08] Oso**
Ready, and...
**[1:34:11] All**
Go!
***SIGN*** Takahashi
**[1:34:29] Girl**
Coming!
**[1:34:36] Nozomi**
Huh? Matsuno-kun?
**[1:34:40] Nozomi**
What are you doing here?
**[1:34:43] Oso**
U-Um... Takahashi-san...
**[1:34:47] Oso**
There's something we need to apologize for...
**[1:34:50] Nozo**
Oh, my gosh! What is all this?
**[1:34:51] Nozo**
Wow... What in the world is going on?
**[1:34:54] Nozo**
Wow...
**[1:34:56] Oso**
Um...
**[1:34:56] Nozo**
See, earlier,
**[1:34:57] Nozo**
my family ordered sushi to
celebrate my graduation,
**[1:35:01] Nozo**
but the sushi place won't be
able to get here like this.
**[1:35:04] Nozo**
That's too bad.
**[1:35:05] Oso**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:35:07] Oso**
You gave us a letter, right?
**[1:35:11] Nozo**
Oh, yeah.
**[1:35:13] Oso**
So, uh... About that...
**[1:35:17] Kara**
We accidentally lost it.
**[1:35:19] Kara**
We're so sorry!
**[1:35:21] All**
We're sorry!
**[1:35:24] Nozo**
Huh?
**[1:35:25] Kara**
We came here hoping you could
tell us what was in the letter.
**[1:35:32] Nozo**
Oh, don't worry about it.
It wasn't anything important.
**[1:35:36] Nozo**
Forget about it.
**[1:35:37] All**
Huh?
**[1:35:38] Nozo**
Anyway, this is really amazing!
**[1:35:41] Nozo**
How did you guys get here?
**[1:35:43] Nozo**
And how are you getting home?
**[1:35:45] Nozo**
We don't have a helicopter here...
**[1:35:48] Ichi**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:35:49] Ichi**
Please tell us what was in the letter.
We don't get them often.
**[1:35:53] Jyu**
What kind of letter was it?
**[1:35:55] Todo**
What did it say inside?
**[1:35:57] Choro**
Please tell us!
**[1:36:01] Nozo**
Thank you all for coming here today.
**[1:36:05] All**
Huh?
**[1:36:06] Nozo**
Since you're all here,
can we take a picture together?
**[1:36:09] Oso**
A picture?
**[1:36:10] Nozo**
Yeah.
**[1:36:11] Oso**
Huh? Uh... sure.
**[1:36:13] Nozo**
Great!
**[1:36:14] Nozo**
I'll go grab my camera!
**[1:36:16] All**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:36:17] Choro**
We want you to tell us what
was in that letter...
**[1:36:22] Choro**
She just does whatever she wants...
**[1:36:24] Todo**
Uh, this is going way differently
than I thought it would.
**[1:36:27] Kara**
Totally different.
**[1:36:30] Oso**
Didn't she have a crush on one of us?
**[1:36:32] Ichi**
That's what we thought.
**[1:36:34] Choro**
Up until a moment ago.
**[1:36:35] Jyu**
Up until a moment ago.
**[1:36:36] Todo**
Maybe it wasn't a love letter, then.
**[1:36:38] Kara**
I don't know! I don't know
what's going on anymore!
**[1:36:42] All**
Hey!
**[1:36:44] Ichi**
This isn't what you told us!
**[1:36:45] Jyu**
It doesn't seem as if she likes any of us.
**[1:36:48] Oso**
And we worked so hard to get here.
**[1:36:50] Oso**
Right?
**[1:36:51] All**
Right?
**[1:36:52] All**
What?!
**[1:36:52] Nozo**
I'm back!
**[1:36:56] Nozo**
Okay, could you line up over there?
I'll put the camera right here.
**[1:37:00] Nozo**
There.
**[1:37:02] Nozo**
Huh?
**[1:37:05] Nozo**
Um, I don't think you'll all
fit if you're that far apart.
**[1:37:09] Nozo**
Could you get a bit closer?
**[1:37:14] Nozo**
Could you get just a bit closer?
**[1:37:17] Nozo**
A little more.
**[1:37:18] Nozo**
More...
**[1:37:23] Nozo**
I guess we can forget the picture...
**[1:37:25] All**
What?!
**[1:37:26] Jyu**
No, no! Wait!
**[1:37:27] Todo**
It's not that, Takahashi-san!
**[1:37:28] Todo**
It's not that we don't want to take the picture!
**[1:37:31] Ichi**
Let's take the picture!
**[1:37:32] Kara**
Yeah, let's take it!
**[1:37:33] Oso**
Stop giving Takahashi-san so much trouble!
**[1:37:35] Choro**
You're not any better!
**[1:37:36] Jyu**
Get in the middle, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[1:37:38] Kara**
Wait, why me?!
**[1:37:39] Todo**
Just go!
**[1:37:39] Ichi**
Go.
**[1:37:40] Kara**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[1:37:41] Oso**
Fine! I'll go in the middle!
**[1:37:43] Five**
No, you don't need to
go in the middle!
**[1:37:47] Nozo**
Oh, you're so funny!
**[1:37:48] Nozo**
You guys get along so well.
**[1:37:51] All**
Huh?
**[1:37:52] Ichi**
Wait, how?
**[1:37:54] Choro**
We get along? How could you say that?
**[1:37:56] Oso**
All these guys piss me off.
**[1:37:58] Todo**
They're the worst.
**[1:37:59] Kara**
Their personalities suck!
**[1:38:00] Jyu**
I'm fine, though.
**[1:38:01] Ichi**
How?
**[1:38:02] Oso**
Just line up already!
**[1:38:10] Nozo**
Okay, I'm taking the picture!
**[1:38:12] All**
Uh, okay!
**[1:38:22] Nozo**
Okay, say cheese!
**[1:38:45] Kara**
I think I drank too much.
**[1:38:49] Kara**
Huh?
**[1:38:50] Kara**
Um...
**[1:38:52] Mom**
NEETs!
**[1:38:54] Mom**
How long do you plan on sleeping?
**[1:38:55] Mom**
Hurry up and eat your breakfast!
**[1:38:57] Kara**
Okay!
**[1:38:59] Mom**
Honestly...
**[1:39:04] Oso**
Huh? What happened yesterday?
**[1:39:07] Ichi**
I remember now.
**[1:39:09] Ichi**
We went to our reunion.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka High School 66th Class Graduation Album
**[1:39:12] Choro**
That's right!
**[1:39:13] All**
The reunion!
**[1:39:17] Todo**
That's right... We went to the reunion.
**[1:39:20] Jyu**
I think we drank too much.
My head hurts.
**[1:39:23] Choro**
But man, last night sucked.
**[1:39:26] Todo**
It wasn't fun at all.
**[1:39:28] Oso**
You know, I thought we'd
be super popular. This sucks.
**[1:39:32] Choro**
It's all your fault.
**[1:39:34] Oso**
Huh?
**[1:39:34] Ichi**
Let's just stop talking about high school.
**[1:39:37] Ichi**
Nothing good came out of it.
**[1:39:39] All**
Yeah...
**[1:39:40] Mom**
NEETs!
**[1:39:41] All**
Coming!
**[1:39:44] Kara**
Hey, by the way...
**[1:39:46] Kara**
She wasn't there yesterday, was she?
**[1:39:49] Jyu**
Huh?
**[1:39:49] Jyu**
Who?
**[1:39:51] Kara**
Um, you know...
**[1:39:52] Kara**
That one girl. You know...
**[1:39:55] Mom**
Do you just not want to eat?!
**[1:39:57] Kara**
Huh?! Mommy, wait!
**[1:39:59] Choro**
We'll eat!
**[1:40:16] Girl**
Really?
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Baths
**[1:40:18] Man**
Ah, that was a nice bath.
**[1:40:20] Mom**
Oh? Where are you going, Totoko?
**[1:40:22] Toto**
There's a workshop for a dating app.
**[1:40:25] Iyami**
Feed me.
**[1:40:27] Hata**
I'm hungry, jo.
**[1:40:29] Chibi**
I'm getting things ready, you idjits.
**[1:40:30] Deka**
I'll pay next time.
**[1:40:54] Nozo**
*Dear Matsuno-kun.*
**[1:40:56] Nozo**
*I'm sorry to write you out of the blue.*
**[1:40:58] Nozo**
* I should probably tell*
* you this in person,*
**[1:41:01] Nozo**
* but I've never actually*
* spoken to any of you,*
**[1:41:04] Nozo**
* and I get embarrassed when I see you,*
* so I decided to write a letter.*
**[1:41:09] Nozo**
*We're going to be graduating soon.*
**[1:41:12] Nozo**
*I can't believe it. It went by so fast.*
**[1:41:15] Nozo**
* Oh, yeah. Do you remember that*
* one time during swimming class?*
**[1:41:19] Nozo**
* You all wore the same swimsuit*
* and did the same pose*
**[1:41:22] Nozo**
*and moved perfectly in sync!*
**[1:41:23] Nozo**
* I thought that was so, so funny!*
* It always made me laugh.*
**[1:41:28] Nozo**
* Then there was the bread-eating*
* race at the sports festival,*
**[1:41:30] Nozo**
* and Karamatsu-kun at*
* the cultural fair...*
**[1:41:32] Nozo**
* The pranks you pulled in*
* class were great, too!*
**[1:41:35] Nozo**
* Oh, but I think the*
* time I laughed the most*
**[1:41:37] Nozo**
* was when Osomatsu-kun*
* got his pants stolen.*
**[1:41:40] Nozo**
*That's first prize in my book!*
**[1:41:43] Nozo**
*It must be hard being boys.*
**[1:41:46] Nozo**
* You guys are such great sextuplets.*
* I really admired you.*
**[1:41:51] Nozo**
* So, uh... This is where the*
* letter gets sort of serious.*
**[1:41:57] Nozo**
* You see, after I graduate high school,*
* I have to go really far away.*
**[1:42:04] Nozo**
* So I might not be able*
* to see you all again.*
**[1:42:08] Nozo**
* But there's something I*
* really wanted to tell you.*
**[1:42:13] Nozo**
*I...*
**[1:42:16] Nozo**
*I love you all very much.*
**[1:42:19] Nozo**
*You're so funny and always so full of energy!*
**[1:42:22] Nozo**
* And I was even a bit jealous of you.*
* It must be so nice being sextuplets!*
**[1:42:27] Nozo**
* It's no fair. Of course*
* you guys always have fun!*
**[1:42:30] Nozo**
* I'm an only child, so I was*
* always envious of you guys.*
**[1:42:36] Nozo**
* Osomatsu-kun, Karamatsu-kun,*
* Choromatsu-kun,*
**[1:42:40] Nozo**
* Ichimatsu-kun, Jyushimatsu-kun,*
* Todomatsu-kun...*
**[1:42:45] Nozo**
*Thank you so much.*
**[1:42:47] Nozo**
*I'm so happy that I got to meet all of you.*
**[1:42:51] Nozo**
*So... So, you see...*
**[1:42:54] Nozo**
*If you don't mind,*
**[1:42:56] Nozo**
* I was hoping you could make room*
* for me in your memories, too.*
**[1:43:01] Nozo**
*Just kidding.*
**[1:43:04] Nozo**
* Well, I could go on forever,*
* but I'll stop here.*
**[1:43:07] Nozo**
* I hope I get to see you*
* all again someday.*
***SIGN*** To Matsuno-kun
**[1:43:12] Nozo**
*Just one last time...*
**[1:43:14] Nozo**
*Matsuno-kun, everyone...*
**[1:43:17] Nozo**
*Thank you so much.*
**[1:43:18] Nozo**
*Goodbye.*
**[1:43:20] Nozo**
*From Takahashi Nozomi.*
**[1:46:43] All**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:46:45] Choro**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:46:46] Jyu**
Takahashi-san!
**[1:46:50] Ichi**
Thanks for the letter.
**[1:46:51] Todo**
Thanks!
**[1:46:52] Kara**
Also, I'm sorry we lost it!
**[1:46:54] kara**
We're absolute idiots!
**[1:46:56] Oso**
Actually, we should be
the ones thanking you.
**[1:46:59] Oso**
It's the exact opposite!
**[1:47:02] All**
Thank you, Takahashi-san!
***SIGN*** The End
**[1:47:45] Oso**
No way! One of us,
when we were in high school...
**[1:47:46] Jyu**
...got a letter...
**[1:47:48] Kara**
...from a girl classmate?!
**[1:47:49] Todo**
Yes!
**[1:47:50] All**
Sheeeh!
**[1:47:55] Todo**
What is this?!
**[1:47:56] Choro**
What is this?!
**[1:47:56] Jyu**
Go!
**[1:48:00] Jyu**
Punishment!
**[1:48:01] Ichi**
Punishment!
# Season 3
# E1 - Untitled
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYJK7Q236/untitled)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] Nar**
The TV anime,* Mr. Osomatsu*.
**[00:07] Nar**
If one were to describe this anime,
they would call it superb, harmless...
**[00:13] Nar**
A series that would never hurt even a fly,
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Station
**[00:15] Nar**
in which all of the characters
are extremely well-adjusted.
**[00:18] Nar**
A perfect educational show for the little ones
**[00:21] Nar**
that may or may not be recommended by MEXT.
**[00:24] Nar**
The perfect Japanimation that
will be sure to move your heart!
**[00:30] Nar**
At the root of this series
**[00:33] Nar**
are the ever-so-popular Matsuno sextuplets!
**[00:41] Fake Oso**
Hey, guys! It's been a while!
**[00:44] All**
We've missed you!
**[00:46] Fake Oso**
My name's Osomatsu.
**[00:48] Fake Kara**
And I'm Karamatsu!
**[00:50] Fake choro**
Choromatsu!
**[00:51] Fake ichimatsu**
Ichimatsu!
**[00:52] Fake jyushi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[00:52] Fake totty**
Todomatsu!
**[00:53] All**
We're sextuplets who always get along!
**[00:56] All**
We hope you enjoy the show!
**[00:57] Dad**
Season 3 is finally here!
**[00:59] Mom**
I'm so excited!
**[01:05] Oso**
Huh?
**[01:06] Oso**
Who the hell?
**[01:07] Totoko**
Wow, they're all so well-adjusted!
It's so peaceful!
**[01:11] Toto**
They're all accepting each other!
They're so nice!
**[01:16] Toto**
They're going for gender equality, too!
**[01:19] Toto**
And now they're global!
**[01:21] New**
We're the new 18 sextuplets that
comply with all of your requests!
**[01:25] All**
Enjoy the show!
**[01:27] Chibi**
We've covered everything in season 3!
It's gonna be a huge success!
**[01:30] All**
Hooray! Hooray!
**[01:32] All**
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
**[01:33] Oso**
Uh, this isn't even *Mr. Osomatsu* anymore!
**[01:35] Oso**
What does "18 sextuplets" even mean?!
**[01:37] Oso**
Also, we're identical!
**[01:39] Oso**
Who the hell are they?!
**[01:41] Oso**
Look, if you're gonna change
everything this much,
**[01:44] Oso**
I'm pretty sure it'll piss off Akatsuka-sensei,
who wrote the original.
**[01:48] Oso**
Who the hell is that?!
***SIGN*** Onigiri Points
**[01:50] Oso**
This is bad!
**[01:53] Oso**
Hey, this is really bad!
**[01:57] Oso**
This is really bad, my real brothers!
**[02:00] Oso**
Our anime's already started,
**[02:02] Oso**
and a bunch of weird guys
basically took our spots!
**[02:06] Oso**
It's bad! You guys need to come with me!
**[02:09] Oso**
Huh? What's wrong?
**[02:13] Choro**
This is bad.
**[02:14] Choro**
We're just spending each day doing nothing.
**[02:16] Choro**
I was killing time here yesterday, too...
**[02:20] Todo**
Actually, I was here the day before, too.
**[02:21] Sign**
Heavy Drinking
**[02:23] Jyushi**
I think I was here the day before that, too.
**[02:26] Kara**
Hmph. I don't even remember
how long I've been here.
**[02:34] Ichi**
I made a cat.
**[02:39] Choro**
Wh-What should we do?
**[02:43] Choro**
We really need to figure
out what to do soon.
**[02:46] Choro**
I wonder what Mom and Dad are thinking.
**[02:48] Todo**
Something to do? What?
**[02:50] Oso**
Well, there's pachinko, horse races,
and then watching some pervy VR.
**[02:54] Choro**
Shut your damn mouth.
**[02:55] Todo**
VR is awesome!
***SIGN*** S q u i d
**[02:57] Jyushi**
It's like a life raft for virgins.
**[03:00] Oso**
Nay. That can be poisonous for us, too.
**[03:04] All**
True.
**[03:05] Choro**
Stop talking about VR!
**[03:07] Kara**
Good grief, you NEETs. Have you no dreams?
**[03:12] All**
Of course we don't!
**[03:13] Todo**
If we did, we wouldn't be
in this mess, you fool!
**[03:15] Jyushi**
Dumbass!
**[03:16] Choro**
Trash!
**[03:16] Oso**
Die!
**[03:19] Kara**
Aw, you guys seem to be mad at me.
**[03:20] Jyushi**
Let's just take it easy! Why don't we
all be free and live at our own pace?
**[03:26] All**
That's exactly what's wrong here!
***SIGN*** Finding Yourself
***SIGN*** Living Freely
***SIGN*** Do This
And Your Life
Will Change
**[03:27] Choro**
The reason we're like this now is
because we went at our own pace.
**[03:31] Oso**
Don't let the winners tell you that!
**[03:33] Kara**
What does it mean to live freely?
Don't let those illusions fool you!
**[03:38] Todo**
It's fine to start something, but...
**[03:41] Todo**
I don't want to go through anything grueling!
**[03:43] Oso**
Exactly! Let's surpass anything grueling...
and warp to the winner's stage!
**[03:48] Todo**
It would be nice if we could warp.
**[03:50] All**
Right?
**[03:52] Choro**
What the hell?
**[03:53] Choro**
You guys are awful.
**[04:07] Ichi**
I made a pistol. Anyone wanna use it?
**[04:15] Choro**
I wonder why we're like this.
**[04:17] Todo**
Whatever. There's no helping it now.
**[04:19] Jyushi**
Our anime ended a long time ago, anyway.
**[04:23] Kara**
Yeah...
**[04:26] Oso**
Oh, yeah.
**[04:28] Oso**
So, uh, our anime's already started.
**[04:32] All**
What?!
**[04:34] Choro**
Seriously? It already started?
**[04:37] Oso**
Yup.
**[04:37] Jyushi**
Yay!
**[04:38] kara**
Why didn't you tell us something
that important sooner?!
**[04:42] Oso**
I did! But then I got sucked
into all this and sat down.
**[04:47] Oso**
Ow.
**[04:47] Todo**
Oh, hey! That means we
do have something to do.
**[04:51] Todo**
Isn't that great?
**[04:52] Jyushi**
It sure is!
**[04:55] Oso**
No, wait.
**[04:56] Oso**
We've got trouble, though.
**[04:59] Fake todo**
Wipey, wipey.
**[05:02] Todo**
Who are those guys?
**[05:03] Kara**
The hell? You can't be serious.
**[05:05] Jyushi**
What the hell are they doing in our house?!
**[05:08] Ichi**
What should we do,
Osomatsu-niisan? Kill them?
**[05:11] Oso**
Yeah. I mean, we NEETs won't be able to
survive if we're kicked out of the house...
**[05:17] Oso**
So let's kill them.
**[05:20] Some**
It's so clean.
**[05:36] Jyushi**
Huh? Where are we?
**[05:42] Kara**
Uh, some monoliths appeared.
**[05:44] Mono**
Sextuplets.
**[05:47] Mono**
We belong to the anime production committee.
***SIGN*** Anime Production Committee
**[05:53] Choro**
Committee?!
**[05:54] Todo**
Really? Should you be coming out here?
**[05:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[05:58] All**
Iyami!
**[06:00] Iyami**
Sheh!
**[06:01] Iyami**
Who do you think you are?! Bow down!
**[06:05] Mono**
We decided we would replace
all of you NEETs as
**[06:10] Mono**
the stars of the show when
the new series started.
**[06:14] Jyushi**
Replace?
**[06:16] Ichi**
Oh, we've been let go as sextuplets.
**[06:18] Jyushi**
What does that even mean?
**[06:21] Ichi**
I know I said it, but I have no idea.
**[06:23] Oso**
Don't give me that! Replaced?!
**[06:25] Oso**
We haven't made a dime!
**[06:27] Todo**
How are we supposed to
live outside of our home?
**[06:30] Choro**
Damn it! You evil company!
**[06:31] Choro**
If you're gonna fire us,
give us a valid reason!
**[06:34] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:35] Iyami**
A valid reason?
**[06:36] Iyami**
You're NEETs! You're all pieces of shit!
**[06:40] Iyami**
You drink during the day!
**[06:41] Iyami**
You haven't grown at all!
**[06:43] Iyami**
You're hard to look at from both a societal
and an educational point of view.
**[06:49] Iyami**
Not to mention...
**[06:51] Iyami**
You've depicted acts of
violence numerous times!
***SIGN*** Violence
**[06:55] Iyami**
You're dirty!
***SIGN*** Dirty
***SIGN*** Nudity
**[06:56] Iyami**
Nudity!
**[06:57] Iyami**
Terrible ********!
**[07:00] Iyami**
You just don't fit with the times anymore.
**[07:02] Iyami**
What the people want now is...
***SIGN*** Compliance
**[07:05] Iyami**
Compliance!
**[07:08] Iyami**
Together now, everyone!
***SIGN*** Compliance
**[07:10] Iyami**
Compliance!
**[07:15] Iyami**
We're no longer in the Showa or Heisei eras.
**[07:18] Iyami**
It is now Reiwa. You need
to fit in with the times.
**[07:21] Oso**
Iyami, you're the last one
we wanna hear that from.
**[07:24] All**
Yeah.
**[07:26] Mono**
Now, former sextuplets.
**[07:28] Oso**
F-Former sextuplets?
**[07:31] Mono**
Accept these flowers for your graduation.
**[07:34] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:36] Kara**
Uh, hello? Some guys just showed up.
**[07:38] Oso**
What? Who the hell is it now?
**[07:43] Saku**
Hello. I'm the voice actor Sakurai Takahiro.
**[07:45] Oso**
Huh?!
**[07:47] Naka**
I'm the voice actor Nakamura Yuuichi.
**[07:49] Kara**
Wow!
**[07:49] Kami**
I'm Kamiya Hiroshi.
**[07:51] Choro**
Hiroshi!
**[07:51] Fuku**
I'm Fukuyama Jun!
**[07:54] Ono**
Mosu! I'm Ono Daisuke!
**[07:56] Jyu**
Mosu! I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[07:58] Mura**
I'm Murakami Kouji.
**[07:59] Todo**
What?! Uh, er, uh... wait... who?!
**[08:04] Choro**
Uh, hello? Now the voice actors showed up?!
**[08:07] Choro**
Is this really okay?
**[08:08] Todo**
Who the hell is Murakami?!
**[08:10] Saku**
Great work, you guys.
**[08:11] Oso**
Why are you taking their side?!
You're supposed to be on our side!
**[08:16] Kami**
Oh, don't worry.
**[08:17] Kami**
We have plenty of other
regular series to work on.
**[08:21] Both**
Yay!
**[08:22] Oso**
You guys are scum!
**[08:23] Kami**
Die! I hope you get fired!
**[08:24] Kara**
Heh. Partner, I hear you're making a fortune.
**[08:28] Kara**
Buy me a car, too.
**[08:31] Jun**
Ichi! Let's play basketball together!
**[08:33] Jun**
It's fun working out!
**[08:35] Jun**
Ichi!
**[08:37] Jun**
Come on, let's play!
**[08:37] Oso**
Those two are nothing alike...
**[08:39] Jyushi**
Boeh!
**[08:39] Jun**
Come on, Ichi!
**[08:40] Ono**
Boeh!
**[08:40] Both**
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Boeh!
**[08:43] Oso**
Well, they're exactly the same.
**[08:44] Mura**
Good work.
**[08:45] Todo**
Who are you?! Where the hell is Miyu?!
**[08:48] Oso**
Hey, it's the director!
**[08:50] All**
Director!
**[08:51] Todo**
Save us, Director!
**[08:52] Choro**
This isn't right!
**[08:53] Oso**
Say something to all of them!
**[09:00] Director**
You guys do too many dirty jokes.
**[09:04] All**
You're the one who made this show!
**[09:08] Todo**
If anyone's getting let go,
it should be you!
**[09:10] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[09:17] Oso**
You assholes!
**[09:18] Choro**
You'll pay for this! Just wait!
**[09:21] Todo**
We'll kill you someday!
**[09:22] Kara**
I'll be back!
***SIGN*** Meiji Jingu Baseball Stadium
***SIGN*** Nomura Anime Character
Rebirth Factory
***SIGN*** Nomura Anime Character
Rebirth Factory
**[09:38] Choro**
Huh? "Anime Character Rebirth Factory"?
**[09:42] Oso**
Huh? The what?
***SIGN*** Flaming
**[09:44] Robot**
Rebirth! Rebirth! Let's be reborn!
**[09:47] Sign**
No hurting anyone
**[09:47] Kara**
Where are we?
**[09:47] Robot**
Rebirth! Rebirth! Let's be reborn!
**[09:52] ---**
Hey, look over there.
***SIGN*** Add Oil!!
***SIGN*** Let's be reborn!
***SIGN*** Safety First
***SIGN*** Rebirth
**[09:54] Todo**
Hey, it's Dekapan!
***SIGN*** Let's All Live in Harmony
***SIGN*** No Hitting Retorts
**[09:56] Kara**
Well, he does walk around
in boxers all the time.
**[10:00] Deka**
I'm counting on you.
***SIGN*** Deka
***SIGN*** Pan
**[10:04] Robot**
Rebirth! Rebirth! Rebirth!
***SIGN*** Reborn
**[10:16] All**
Wait, wait, wait!
**[10:17] Kara**
He just turned into a normal dude!
**[10:19] Kara**
He doesn't stand out at all!
**[10:21] All**
Hatabou!
**[10:23] Hata**
Jo...
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[10:25] Robot**
Rebirth! Rebirth! Rebirth!
***SIGN*** Reborn
**[10:32] Hata**
I'm Hatabou, jo.
**[10:33] All**
Wait, wait, wait!
**[10:34] Kara**
Your flag is gone!
**[10:36] All**
Dayon!
**[10:41] Dayon**
Dayon!
**[10:43] Kara**
Apparently Dayon doesn't need to change?
**[10:45] Kara**
Why, though?
**[10:46] Oso**
Wh-What's going to happen to us?
***SIGN*** Sextuplets
**[10:51] Robot**
Rebirth! Rebirth!
***SIGN*** Reborn
**[11:00] Oso**
We're shit!
**[11:02] Jyushi**
What?! Why?!
**[11:03] Kara**
Why did this only happen to us?!
**[11:05] Kara**
What the hell's going on?!
**[11:06] Todo**
Quit messing with us!
**[11:07] Choro**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Failure
**[11:09] Robot**
Your rebirth has failed.
**[11:11] Robot**
You will now be eliminated.
***SIGN*** Elimination
**[11:19] Oso**
What do you mean, failed?!
**[11:27] Oso**
Hey, what's going on here?
**[11:30] Oso**
Why did we turn into shit
in the very first episode?
**[11:32] Oso**
What are people going to think
of us if they see us now?
**[11:35] Todo**
They're going to think we're pieces of shit.
**[11:38] Oso**
Of course they will. Because we are.
**[11:41] Todo**
This sucks!
**[11:42] Oso**
This isn't good. Got any
bright ideas, green shit?
**[11:47] Choro**
It's Choromatsu, asshole.
**[11:48] Kara**
I figured it out!
**[11:51] Kara**
What do you think?
**[11:55] Jyushi**
I-I just thought of something insane!
**[11:59] Jyushi**
So, if we tried to take a
shit in our shit forms...
**[12:05] Jyushi**
What's going to come out of our asses?
**[12:08] Todo**
What are you even saying,
you piece of shit? Shut up!
**[12:11] Todo**
It's really not necessary!
**[12:13] Jyushi**
Hey, it worked!
And it's just a piece of shit!
**[12:17] Todo**
Shut up, you piece of shit!
**[12:18] Choro**
Say something, Ichimatsu.
**[12:21] Choro**
We're literally shit now.
What are we going to do?
**[12:25] Ichi**
Actually...
**[12:26] Ichi**
I think this might be okay.
**[12:29] Choro**
Huh?
**[12:30] Ichi**
This is actually really relaxing.
**[12:32] Todo**
What?
**[12:33] Choro**
Good point.
**[12:34] Todo**
Uh, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[12:36] Choro**
You get a lot of criticism when
you're NEETs as humans,
**[12:40] Choro**
but who's going to complain
to actual pieces of shit?
**[12:43] Choro**
I might've been relieved from
the pressures of living.
**[12:47] Todo**
Huh?
**[12:47] Oso**
Obviously we won't be popular
with the ladies now,
**[12:50] Oso**
so let's just live as pieces of shit.
**[12:51] Todo**
Uh...
**[12:54] Kara**
Jyushimatsu! Your body's getting smaller!
**[13:05] Jyushi**
Wait! I'm still small!
**[13:08] Jyushi**
Totty, do you know where
the shit I shat out went?
**[13:10] Todo**
No! Find your own shit yourself!
**[13:21] Todo**
Ugh!
**[13:23] Todo**
Why did this even happen?!
Whose fault is this?!
**[13:26] Choro**
The reason we got turned into shit?
**[13:28] Choro**
That's Osomatsu-niisan, of course.
**[13:30] All**
Yup, yup.
**[13:31] Oso**
Huh? Wait, why?
**[13:32] Choro**
Because you've been unemployed forever,
**[13:34] Choro**
and you're a lazy sack of
shit who lives at home.
**[13:36] Choro**
You're literal shit.
**[13:37] Oso**
That goes for all of you, too.
**[13:39] Jyushi**
I think we turned into shit
because of Choromatsu-niisan.
**[13:42] All**
Yup, yup.
**[13:43] Choro**
Why?
**[13:44] Jyushi**
Who's gonna watch a show about a virgin?
**[13:47] Choro**
You're all virgins, too.
**[13:49] Ichi**
Your personality sucks.
**[13:51] Todo**
So do all of yours.
**[13:52] Todo**
You haven't matured at all.
**[13:53] Kara**
Neither have any of you.
**[13:55] Kara**
You have no dignity.
**[13:56] Jyushi**
Neither do any of you.
**[13:57] Oso**
You're a rotten human being.
**[13:59] Ichi**
So are all of you.
**[14:01] Some**
You're all stupid!
**[14:02] Some**
Trash!
**[14:02] Some**
Morons!
**[14:03] Some**
You don't deserve to live!
**[14:04] Some**
Crap!
**[14:05] Oso**
Hold it!
**[14:07] Oso**
I get it now.
**[14:08] Oso**
Deep down inside, we've always just been
**[14:12] Oso**
pieces of shit.
**[14:21] Kara**
Who're you calling a piece of shit, you shit?!
**[14:23] Choro**
Die!
**[14:27] Choro**
Hidebu!
**[14:47] Kid**
Look! Poop!
**[14:47] Guy**
Look at that shit.
**[14:48] Mom**
Don't stare at them!
**[14:49] ---**
It's poop!
**[14:50] ---**
It sure is.
**[14:51] ---**
Gross.
**[14:53] Oso**
W-We're sorry for everything...
**[14:57] All**
We're sorry.
**[14:59] Oso**
We won't do anything out of line anymore.
**[15:04] Oso**
We promise to be loved by many!
**[15:07] Oso**
So please...
**[15:08] Kara**
Turn us back to normal!
**[15:10] All**
We beg of you!
**[15:14] Mono**
Do you know your place now,
you pieces of shit?
**[15:17] Mono**
You have no place in the third season.
**[15:20] Mono**
If you agree to that, we will
restore your original forms.
**[15:27] All**
Okay!
**[15:28] Mono**
Repent and live humble lives!
**[15:31] All**
Yes, sir!
**[15:40] All**
Yay!
**[15:41] All**
We're back!
**[15:43] All**
Thank goodness!
***SIGN*** Shin Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Japan VS Mr. Osomatsu
**[16:08] Iyami**
Everyone loves us!
**[16:12] Iyami**
*Me doesn't care as long as me gets paid.*
**[16:15] Fake Oso**
Everyone! Hello out there!
**[16:18] Fake Oso**
I'm the eldest brother, Matsuno Osomatsu!
**[16:20] Fake oso**
Thank you for all your support!
**[16:22] Fake oso**
We love you all!
**[16:27] Fake Kara**
Life is pretty rough, isn't it?
**[16:29] Fake kara**
But when things look bad, just think of
all the funny things we do, and cheer up!
**[16:36] Fake kara**
We'll save you with laughter!
**[16:40] Fake choro**
What exactly is entertainment?
**[16:43] Fake choro**
Our one and only wish... is to make
sure all of you are on this ship with us.
**[16:50] Fake choro**
I hope you'll come with us.
This series is always with you.
**[16:54] Fan**
Choro!
**[16:55] Fake Ichi**
We are all equal. We are all friends.
**[16:58] Fans**
Ichi!
**[16:59] Fake jyushi**
Let's all connect!
Let our bonds grow stronger!
**[17:02] Fake todo**
That's season 3 of *Mr. Osomatsu*.
**[17:05] Fake todo**
This is how...
**[17:06] All**
...it should be!
**[17:16] All**
Shut the hell up!
**[17:23] Fake oso**
G-Guys... Violence is not the answer!
**[17:26] Oso**
Shut up!
**[17:28] Fake kara**
Let's cheer everyone up!
**[17:29] Fake choro**
Entertainment we create with the fa—
**[17:31] Choro**
Eat shit!
**[17:33] Deka**
S-Stop...
**[17:33] Hata**
Jo...
**[17:34] Jyu**
Wake up!
***SIGN*** Shin Mr. Osomatsu
**[17:36] Fake ichi**
Stop! People are going to hate us!
**[17:38] Kara**
Yeah!
**[17:40] Fake ichi**
No!
**[17:40] Kara**
Service time!
**[17:46] Ichi**
First Form: Kitty Slash!
**[18:17] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[18:42] Fake Oso**
Guys, please wait!
**[18:45] Fake oso**
Don't worry. We'll always
accept you with open arms!
**[18:54] Fake kara**
Let us accept diversity!
**[18:56] Fake choro**
It doesn't matter who the protagonists are!
**[18:58] Fake ichi**
Now, let us begin anew!
**[19:00] All**
With all 24 of us!
**[19:16] Iya**
Sheeeh! The future stars!
**[19:21] Iya**
Boys... What are those...
**[19:25] Iya**
baggies?
**[19:32] Iya**
Sheeeh! You were doing the one
thing you absolutely cannot do!
**[19:37] Toto**
Wow, they really did that.
Guess we'll need replacements.
**[19:40] Chibi**
Yup.
**[19:42] Oso**
I guess that means the six of us
**[19:44] Oso**
can be the stars of season 3 again.
**[19:48] Choro**
I mean, we did replace them.
**[19:50] Jyushi**
Yay!
**[19:51] Toto**
There's nothing to cheer about.
**[19:53] Kara**
I guess you preferred us after all.
**[19:55] Toto**
Absolutely not.
**[19:56] Todo**
Thank goodness.
**[19:56] Jyushi**
Yay! Yay! Yay!
**[19:57] Ichi**
Thank goodness.
**[19:58] Toto**
There's nothing good about it!
**[19:59] All**
Thank goodness!
**[20:00] Toto**
This sucks!
**[20:02] Toto**
Don't start the show!
**[21:38] Oso**
Man... That was close.
**[21:42] Oso**
Our spot as the stars was almost stolen.
**[21:46] Kara**
How futile.
**[21:47] Todo**
Let's just do what we usually do.
**[21:49] Jyushi**
Let's take it easy.
***SIGN*** Matsuno
***SIGN*** Delivery
**[21:57] Guy**
Delivery!
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Oso**
Hey, hey, Osomatsu here.
**[23:36] Oso**
I thought we were saved from being replaced,
**[23:38] Oso**
but I guess we get new characters next week.
**[23:41] Oso**
Man, we're busy.
**[23:43] Oso**
New encounters, changing surroundings...
**[23:46] Oso**
We're NEETs to begin with
because all that is a pain.
***SIGN*** "Delivery" etc.
**[23:50] Oso**
I guess a lot can happen after three seasons.
# E2 - Delivery
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYPP781QY/delivery)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] Choro**
Hey, it's been a while.
**[00:06] Todo**
It has.
**[00:07] Choro**
How long has it been?
**[00:08] Todo**
Since we ate at that shop in Nishi Azabu?
**[00:09] Choro**
Man, that place was great.
***SIGN*** Third Son
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Fourth Son
***SIGN*** Matsuno Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Youngest Son
***SIGN*** Matsuno Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Dimwit Generation
**[00:19] Choro**
Well, by some miracle,
***SIGN*** Fourth Son
Matsuno Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Third Son
Matsuno Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Youngest Son
Matsuno Todomatsu
**[00:21] Choro**
our third season has started.
**[00:23] Todo**
Yeah.
**[00:24] choro**
What are we supposed to do now?
**[00:27] Choro**
What does society want from us?
***SIGN*** What do they want from us?
**[00:30] Todo**
I don't think they want anything.
**[00:32] Todo**
No one expects a damn thing from us.
**[00:34] Todo**
Right, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[00:39] Todo**
You should probably talk,
since we're on TV and all.
**[00:43] Todo**
Want to go home, then?
**[00:43] Choro**
S-Say, you two.
**[00:45] Choro**
Why don't we talk about our passionate
hopes and excitement for season 3?
***SIGN*** Excitement for season 3
**[00:50] Todo**
What? No way. What a pain.
**[00:52] Choro**
Hey.
**[00:53] Choro**
Hey!
**[00:54] Todo**
You're sure rarin' to go, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[00:56] Choro**
Don't say that.
**[00:58] Ichi**
Always trying to put yourself
out there, Fapttish Fold.
**[01:01] Choro**
Who the hell are you calling Fapttish Fold?!
**[01:04] Choro**
What do you guys think we should do, then?
**[01:07] Ichi**
Let's end this today.
**[01:08] Choro**
What?!
**[01:09] Ichi**
We're trying too hard with a third season.
**[01:11] Ichi**
Our generation is over.
***SIGN*** Our generation is over
**[01:14] Todo**
Well, that was certainly profound.
**[01:16] Choro**
What's so funny about that?
**[01:19] Todo**
Well, first off, with season 3...
**[01:21] Todo**
We probably shouldn't show the other three.
**[01:24] Todo**
I don't think this show will ever
be popular with them in it.
**[01:28] Both**
Yeah, for real, right?
**[01:30] Choro**
Well said, Totty! The three
of us aren't too bad.
**[01:34] Choro**
It's the other three who are messed up.
***SIGN*** The other three
**[01:36] Ichi**
Yeah. We all know that.
**[01:38] Todo**
I heard that those three are all still NEETs!
**[01:41] Both**
What?!
**[01:43] Todo**
Here's the kicker. They've never had
girlfriends and are still virgins.
**[01:47] Both**
What?!
**[01:48] Choro**
Those poor fools.
**[01:50] Ichi**
Those poor fools.
**[01:52] Todo**
So, yeah, the oldest one...
What's his name again?
**[01:56] Choro**
I don't even want to say it. Osomatsu?
**[01:58] Todo**
Yeah, yeah, that dude.
**[01:59] Choro**
That guy should never be allowed on TV.
**[02:02] Choro**
You need to mosaic his whole self.
**[02:05] Ichi**
The second oldest, Shittymatsu,
is ****. So he's **** and *****.
**[02:10] Ichi**
He's messing with the law here.
**[02:12] Ichi**
Someone throw his ass in jail already!
**[02:14] Todo**
So the yellow guy who's the fifth brother...
**[02:16] Todo**
You know, I think he's
messing with something.
**[02:18] Choro**
Totally!
**[02:19] Ichi**
Totally.
**[02:20] Todo**
I mean, you don't act like that if you're not.
**[02:23] Todo**
He's way too eccentric!
**[02:25] Todo**
So as the normal ones, we three
have to do our best for season 3.
**[02:29] Todo**
Let's get rid of those idiots.
Starting today, we're triplets.
**[02:31] Choro**
Yeah! That's a great idea.
**[02:34] Ichi**
Yeah, but, like...
**[02:36] Ichi**
The other three are probably going
to turn up on this show next week.
**[02:40] Todo**
That's right!
**[02:41] Choro**
Those three are definitely
going to pull something!
**[02:45] All**
Please don't watch next week!
***SIGN*** "Hatabou EATS"
**[04:25] Hata**
I'm here to pick up, jo.
**[04:27] Chibi**
Here you go, thanks.
**[04:32] Hata**
Jo!
**[04:34] Hata**
Jo...
**[04:36] Oso**
You got this? You good?
**[04:38] ---**
I think that's too much for you, Hatabou.
**[04:39] Chibi**
Why did you even start this job?
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[04:43] Chibi**
Come on, Osomatsu.
**[04:44] Oso**
Yeah.
**[04:49] Oso**
There. You good now?
**[04:50] Hata**
Yup. Thanks, jo.
**[04:53] Hata**
Here I go, jo.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[04:56] Oso**
Yeah, I don't see this working.
**[04:59] Chibi**
Don't give up yet! There's still a chance.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[05:09] Hata**
Jo!
**[05:10] Chibi**
Well? You good now?
**[05:12] Hata**
Yup. Thanks, jo.
**[05:14] Hata**
I'm off to make my delivery, jo.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[05:25] Hata**
Thanks. I'm off to make my delivery, jo.
**[05:29] Oso**
He finally made it!
**[05:31] Chibi**
Hell yeah!
**[05:32] Oso**
You've got this, Hatabou!
**[05:33] Chibi**
You can do it, Hatabou!
**[05:36] Oso**
Yeah! Look at you go!
**[05:36] Chibi**
Yeah!
**[05:49] Iya**
You're late!
**[05:50] Uggo**
What time do you think it is?!
**[05:52] Hata**
Thanks for waiting, jo.
Here's the food you ordered, jo.
**[05:58] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Sheh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Let's Be Quiet at Night"
**[06:21] Guy**
Isn't it great?
**[06:33] Guy**
We should be okay now...
**[06:36] Girl**
Thank goodness.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[07:08] Narr**
Enter this woman.
**[07:10] Narr**
She hates hard work.
She hates making an effort.
**[07:13] Nar**
She hates anything tiring.
**[07:15] Nar**
Her only weapon is how cute her face is.
***SIGN*** Sham
***SIGN*** Surgeon: Yowai Totoko
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[07:31] Choro**
Hey! Yowai Totoko still isn't here?
**[07:34] Oso**
That woman's late again!
**[07:35] Kara**
Who does she think she is? No one
should be that much of a free spirit!
**[07:41] Jyushi**
Stop trying to act all cool!
**[07:43] ---**
You're ridiculously late!
**[07:44] Jyushi**
At least apologize for being late!
**[07:47] Toto**
I will not.
**[07:48] Ichi**
If you can't wake up in the morning,
use an alarm clock.
**[07:50] Toto**
I will not.
**[07:52] Kara**
You're an adult! Do everything
five minutes early!
**[07:54] Toto**
I will not.
**[07:55] Choro**
Why?! Why are you late
every single morning?!
**[08:05] Toto**
Well, I can't wake up in the morning.
**[08:10] All**
Huh?
**[08:11] Toto**
Tehehe!
**[08:13] All**
She's so cute!
**[08:14] Choro**
Well, it *is* hard to wake
up early in the morning.
**[08:17] Ichi**
Only stupid people wake up early.
**[08:18] Oso**
We don't care as long as
you come by every day!
**[08:28] Jyushi**
Oh, no! It's an emergency!
**[08:30] Oso**
Someone needs to do CPR!
**[08:31] Jyushi**
How do you do that?
**[08:32] Oso**
I don't know!
**[08:34] Choro**
Yowai-kun!
**[08:36] Choro**
You know how to do CPR, right?
**[08:38] Choro**
We need you to do that
for this patient immediately.
**[08:40] Toto**
I will not.
**[08:41] Kara**
CPR! Now!
**[08:42] Toto**
I will not.
**[08:43] Todo**
Hurry!
**[08:44] Toto**
I will not.
**[08:45] Choro**
Why?! Why won't you perform CPR?!
**[08:53] Toto**
Because my first kiss is going
to be with someone I love!
**[08:58] Choro**
Aw, shucks! She's so pure!
**[09:00] Todo**
You'd never know she hasn't had
her first kiss yet, as cute as she is.
**[09:03] Jyu**
I'm gonna be her first!
**[09:04] Some**
No, me!
**[09:05] Some**
No, me!
***SIGN*** Operation in Progress
**[09:19] Oso**
An emergency operation?
Idiots like us can't do this.
**[09:22] All**
Yeah.
**[09:23] Choro**
She's the only one we can count on here.
**[09:29] Choro**
Yowai-sensei, please perform
this surgery for us!
**[09:32] Toto**
I will not.
**[09:33] Kara**
The patient's life is at stake here!
**[09:35] Toto**
I will not.
**[09:36] Jyushi**
Do the operation, please?
**[09:37] Toto**
I will not.
**[09:38] Choro**
Why?! Why do you so vehemently
refuse to operate?!
**[09:46] Toto**
The sight of blood scares me.
**[09:49] All**
Really?!
**[09:51] Choro**
You're a doctor, but blood
scares you? How cute is that?
***SIGN*** Invoice Dear Akatsuka University Hospital, I am invoicing the following as the surgery fee. I request your prompt payment. Thank you very much. Yowai Totoko
***SIGN*** Invoice Dear Akatsuka University Hospital, I am invoicing the following as the exam fee. I request your prompt payment. Thank you very much. Yowai Totoko
***SIGN*** Invoice
Dear Akatsuka University Hospital,
I am invoicing the following as
the making me come to work fee.
I request your prompt payment.
Thank you very much.
Yowai Totoko
**[10:08] Toto**
A person's worth totally
lies in their appearance.
**[10:13] Some**
I know, right?!
***SIGN*** Director's Office
**[10:14] Some**
Yeah!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Triangle Pop"
***SIGN*** Full Color Baseball
Photo Directory
Professional Player
Profiles with Photos
**[10:26] Kara**
Man, NEETs have so much time
on their hands, Jyushimatsu.
**[10:29] Jyushi**
We sure do, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[10:31] Kara**
We really need to find something to do.
**[10:34] Jyushi**
Yeah.
**[10:35] Kara**
Huh?
**[10:38] Jyushi**
What's up?
**[10:40] Kara**
What is this?
***SIGN*** All You Can Drink
Just 300 yen
**[10:42] Kara**
It's an ad for a pervy shop.
**[10:43] Jyushi**
They don't usually have those
at convenience stores.
**[10:46] Jyushi**
That's rare.
**[10:46] Kara**
All you can drink for 300 yen?
That's pretty cheap.
***SIGN*** You can pick whoever you want
***SIGN*** We want to be your Number 1
**[10:51] Kara**
And they're all super cute!
**[10:53] Kara**
They all look like celebrities!
**[10:54] Jyushi**
Wow.
***SIGN*** We love you!
***SIGN*** We're waiting for you, Karamatsu-kun
**[10:56] Kara**
What?!
**[10:57] Kara**
What's going on here?!
**[10:58] Kara**
Why is this addressed to me?!
**[11:05] Jyushi**
Here's the real one!
***SIGN*** Let's all have fun
getting our
driver's licenses!
**[11:08] Kara**
Yeh.
**[11:09] Jyushi**
Yeh.
***SIGN*** "Chair"
**[11:39] Jyushi**
And... safe.
**[11:40] Kara**
Way to go, Jyushimatsu.
**[11:42] Jyushi**
Yeh.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Matsuno
***SIGN*** Delivery
***SIGN*** Matsuno
***SIGN*** Delivery
**[11:48] Guy**
Delivery!
**[11:51] Todo**
Yes?
**[11:51] Guy**
Are you one of the Matsuno sextuplets?
**[11:54] Todo**
Huh? Well, yeah, I'm the
youngest and cutest sextuplet.
**[11:58] Guy**
I've got a delivery for you.
**[12:00] Todo**
Wha?
**[12:01] Todo**
Huh?
**[12:05] Choro**
T-Twin AIs?
**[12:09] Twins**
Yes!
**[12:10] Oso**
Wait. What does "AI" mean again?
**[12:13] Kra**
AI... I've heard of that before.
**[12:15] Kra**
But what is it?
**[12:16] Todo**
What?! You guys don't know what AI means?
**[12:19] Todo**
We're in the Reiwa era, you know!
**[12:22] Todo**
Seriously? Get a clue, you dumb NEETs.
**[12:24] Jyushi**
I guess Totty knows.
**[12:26] Oso**
Way to go! Now fill us idiots in.
**[12:31] Both**
So you don't know!
**[12:32] Choro**
You're not cute at all, you know that?!
**[12:34] Big**
AI stands for...
**[12:36] Little**
AI stands for...
**[12:37] Big**
Artificial intelligence.
**[12:39] Little**
Basically...
**[12:40] Both**
Man-made intelligence.
**[12:45] All**
Oh, of course.
**[12:47] Big**
I'm sure you know from watching the news
that we are entering an age in which
**[12:51] Big**
you'll be living alongside AI, right?
**[12:56] Six**
Of course.
**[12:58] Big**
They say that the realization of AI
like us for general use is impossible,
**[13:03] Little**
but there are places where
it has been successful,
**[13:06] Little**
and we're now going to be
distributed to you humans.
**[13:09] Big**
The more you use us,
the more we change to fit your needs
**[13:13] Big**
as we continue to adjust our algorithm.
**[13:15] Little**
We use big data.
**[13:17] Big**
Natural language processing.
**[13:18] Little**
Machine learning.
**[13:19] Big**
Deep learning.
**[13:20] Little**
Neural network.
**[13:21] Big**
Singularity!
**[13:23] Both**
Well?
**[13:25] Both**
Do you understand now?
**[13:26] Oso**
I-I didn't understand a damn thing you said!
**[13:29] Ichi**
I'm dizzy...
**[13:30] Jyushi**
I have a fever now!
**[13:31] Choro**
This is all way too advanced!
We're from the Showa era!
**[13:34] Kara**
I mean, we barely know
what microcomputers are.
**[13:37] Choro**
Yeah.
**[13:38] Todo**
That's too old.
**[13:38] Jyushi**
Famicom.
**[13:39] Todo**
Too old.
**[13:40] Old**
We've come to make all of you humans happy.
**[13:43] Little**
We are support AI.
Please use us however you'd like.
**[13:47] Ichi**
You guys are shady.
**[13:48] Choro**
Seriously, what?
**[13:49] Choro**
More importantly, who made you guys?
**[13:52] Ichi**
Who sent you guys?
**[13:53] Choro**
Where were you made?
**[13:57] Ichi**
See? They shut up.
**[13:58] Choro**
That's super shady.
**[13:59] Jyushi**
Where did you guys come from?
**[14:02] Both**
Whisper, whisper, whisper.
**[14:05] Jyushi**
They said the third sector.
**[14:07] All**
Third sector?
**[14:09] Jyu**
Apparently the NPO.
**[14:10] All**
NPO?
**[14:11] Todo**
What's that again?
**[14:12] Ichi**
Shady, I tell you.
**[14:14] Ichi**
Let's ask them to leave.
**[14:16] Choro**
Yeah.
**[14:17] Both**
Wait, wait, wait!
**[14:18] Oso**
Why, though?! This seems awesome!
**[14:19] Choro**
Huh?
**[14:20] Jyushi**
Let's try them out!
**[14:21] Ichi**
Seriously? Why would we do that?
**[14:25] Big**
Please use us.
**[14:26] Little**
Please use us.
**[14:27] Both**
You are very lucky people who
were chosen from the many.
**[14:32] Oso**
Wait! We were chosen?!
**[14:35] Jyushi**
Heck yeah! I have no idea what's
going on, but heck yeah!
**[14:37] Kara**
Well, we are stars. I see.
**[14:40] Kara**
You should've told us that earlier.
**[14:41] Todo**
Being told that we're chosen has me hyped!
**[14:47] Oso**
So... why did you choose us?
**[14:50] Big**
Because you're *that* type of people.
**[14:53] All**
Huh?
**[14:54] Kara**
What type?
**[14:56] Little**
When they were discussing what kind of
people they should send support AIs to,
**[14:59] Little**
it was decided that they needed
to help out all the messed-up
**[15:04] Little**
bottom feeders at the bottom
of the social pyramid.
**[15:08] Kara**
What the hell kind of reason is that?!
**[15:10] Todo**
It was out of pity?! Don't give us that!
**[15:12] Little**
Please look at this memo.
**[15:13] Both**
Memo?
***SIGN*** Client Memo
Matsuno Osomatsu | Eldest
Karamatsu | 2nd
Choromatsu | 3rd
Ichimatsu | 4th
Jyushimatsu | 5th
Todomatsu | 6th
**[15:15] Little**
There are support levels.
**[15:17] Little**
Let's say a helpless baby that
can't take care of itself is a 10.
**[15:22] Little**
The Matsuno sextuplets have
been placed at 4,200.
**[15:27] Kara**
Are we that screwed?!
**[15:29] Big**
Anyway, we look forward to...
**[15:31] Both**
...working with you from now on.
**[15:33] Six**
Get out!
**[15:34] Oso**
Scram!
**[15:36] Oso**
No one asked for your help, jackasses!
**[15:37] Todo**
Leave us alone! We're living our best lives!
**[15:40] Jyushi**
Even pieces of shit have some pride!
**[15:42] Big**
But it'd be very convenient if you used us.
**[15:45] All**
Shut up!
**[15:45] Little**
We'll help you out.
**[15:47] All**
Shut up!
**[15:47] Both**
We'll do whatever you ask us to.
**[15:51] Oso**
A-Anything, you say?
**[15:53] Jyushi**
Really?
**[15:54] Both**
Yes!
**[15:56] Choro**
Wha?
**[15:56] Ichi**
Wha?
**[15:57] Oso**
I guess I'll just ask for one thing, then...
**[15:59] Both**
Hey!
**[16:00] Oso**
You see... Mom asked me to clean up today.
**[16:04] Oso**
Would you guys be able to do that for me?
**[16:06] Both**
As you wish.
**[16:09] Both**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[16:15] Oso**
Wow, not bad, artificial whatsits.
***SIGN*** Trash Schedule
**[16:22] Jyushi**
Wow, you're so good!
**[16:25] Kara**
Hey, not bad.
**[16:27] Both**
We bought what you asked for.
**[16:29] Todo**
Thanks so much! You guys are lifesavers!
**[16:31] Jyushi**
Hey! What about this?
***SIGN*** Shogi
***SIGN*** Denmatsu Battle
**[16:37] Little**
Fifty seconds.
**[16:39] Little**
One, two, three, four...
**[16:45] Jyushi**
I've lost.
**[16:46] Big**
Thank you very much.
**[16:51] Jyushi**
Holy crap! AI is no joke!
**[16:53] Jyushi**
Chida-san!
**[16:55] Oso**
Should I put everything on Cowboy?
***SIGN*** Derby
**[16:57] Oso**
Which horse is gonna be lucky?
Damn it! I have no idea...
**[17:04] Oso**
For real?! You guys can even do that?!
**[17:06] Oso**
I love you!
**[17:08] Kara**
Karamatsu Fantasy!
**[17:11] Sign**
Karamatsu
**[17:14] Sign**
Karamatsu
**[17:14] Sign**
You're #1
**[17:14] Big**
You're so cool, Karamatsu!
**[17:16] Little**
You're the best in the world!
**[17:19] Kara**
Thank you, thank you!
**[17:21] Todo**
Man, this is the best...
**[17:26] Todo**
AI is the... best...
**[17:29] ---**
AI...
**[17:30] Todo**
AI!
**[17:32] Todo**
AI!
**[17:35] Nyaa**
Come on, let's go!
**[17:37] Nyaa**
Which do you think looks better on mew?
**[17:48] Choro**
VR is awesome! AI is awesome!
**[17:52] Ichi**
You bastard. You betrayed me.
**[17:57] Oso**
All right, did everyone get one?
**[17:59] Todo**
Good work, guys!
**[18:01] Jyushi**
Good work!
**[18:04] Oso**
Come on, you two, take a load off.
**[18:07] Oso**
We're basically family now!
**[18:09] Kara**
Looking forward to a long
future with you, Brothers!
**[18:12] Jyushi**
Wipey, wipey. Wipey, wipey.
**[18:15] Big**
We're very happy that we've
been of use to you all.
**[18:18] Little**
Yes, very happy.
**[18:19] Big**
Isn't that great?
**[18:21] Both**
Right?
**[18:22] Todo**
Y-You're so cute!
**[18:24] Kara**
So precious, my angels!
**[18:27] Todo**
You're the best!
**[18:29] Kara**
You're so cute!
**[18:31] Oso**
So, hey... Just curious.
**[18:35] Oso**
Do you guys know how to use the internet?
**[18:37] Big**
The internet? Of course!
**[18:39] Little**
We love the internet!
What would you like us to do?
**[18:43] Oso**
Play some porn for us.
**[18:47] Oso**
Huh? Wait, what?
**[18:49] Oso**
Uh, could you play some porn...
**[18:53] Oso**
Hey, what the hell?!
They stopped responding!
**[18:56] All**
Hey, you're gonna break them!
**[18:57] Both**
Compliance function activated.
**[18:59] Oso**
Seriously?! Why the hell do you
have that stupid function?!
**[19:02] Oso**
Into the trash you go!
**[19:03] All**
Hey!
**[19:04] Big**
Excuse me.
**[19:07] Big**
Our batteries are about to run out.
Please recharge us.
**[19:11] Todo**
Huh? Batteries?
**[19:12] Todo**
Sure... but how?
**[19:20] Todo**
Oh, so that's how. That turned
old-school real fast.
**[19:25] Choro**
Is this really okay?
**[19:26] Todo**
What's wrong?
**[19:27] Choro**
I mean, it's really convenient
having them around.
**[19:31] Choro**
They help out a lot. But... I don't know...
**[19:35] Oso**
What the hell? You sure know
how to rain on our parade, man.
**[19:39] Choro**
I mean, we're NEETs.
Yet we get these things?
**[19:44] Choro**
Is this really okay?
**[19:50] Choro**
Is this really okay? I don't think it is.
**[19:53] Oso**
You can still say that?
You're somehow amazing.
**[19:55] Todo**
You're having more fun than anyone else.
**[19:57] Choro**
Yeah, let's not use these things.
**[20:00] Choro**
Let's return them.
**[20:01] All**
Huh?!
**[20:01] Kara**
What are you talking about?!
**[20:02] Jyushi**
But we need them!
**[20:03] Choro**
But we're NEETs, so we shouldn't have them.
**[20:06] Big**
What's so bad about being NEETs?
**[20:10] All**
Huh?
**[20:12] Big**
Working comes with its share of risks.
**[20:15] Big**
There is data concerning both
physical and mental risks.
**[20:19] Little**
In the past, humans created things
like us so they'd have less work to do.
**[20:24] Little**
Then technology advanced
further and further,
**[20:27] Little**
so humans don't have to
work as much anymore.
**[20:30] Big**
That's a wonderful thing.
**[20:31] Little**
It's lovely.
**[20:33] Big**
So we think that's perfectly fine.
**[20:35] Little**
There's no reason for you
to worry about being NEETs.
***SIGN*** Matsuno
**[20:47] Big**
Thank you very much for today.
**[20:49] Little**
We'll support your daily
lives again next time.
**[20:52] Both**
Goodbye.
**[20:59] Oso**
W-We're NEETs, and yet...
**[21:02] Kara**
They didn't look down on us.
**[21:04] Jyushi**
I think... this is the first time.
**[21:06] Todo**
Holy crap... AI is amazing...
**[21:09] Choro**
Those guys are so frickin' amazing!
**[21:14] Choro**
I can't stop crying!
**[21:15] Jyushi**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[21:16] Oso**
Choromatsu!
**[21:20] All**
They're so amazing!
**[21:35] Big**
Little by little...
**[21:36] Little**
Little by little...
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[23:15] Choro**
Say, we never asked for your names.
**[23:19] Choro**
What are they?
**[23:20] Big**
We do not have names.
**[23:22] Little**
We do not.
**[23:23] Big**
So please give us names.
**[23:25] Little**
Please.
**[23:26] Choro**
Huh? Me?
**[23:31] Choro**
Names?
**[23:32] Oso**
Names, huh?
**[23:38] Oso**
Riceballs!
**[23:39] Choro**
Wha?
**[23:40] Oso**
You're Salmon, and you're Pickled Plum.
**[23:43] Oso**
Got it?
**[23:44] Both**
Yes, sir.
***SIGN*** End
**[23:46] Choro**
What?! That's random as hell!
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Estimated Value" etc.
# E3 - Estimated Value
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6EME5PXY/estimated-value)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Eldest Brother
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** A Guy
***SIGN*** Hijirikawa Shounosuke
***SIGN*** Voice Actor
***SIGN*** Murakami Kouji
***SIGN*** Dimwit Generation
***SIGN*** Eldest Son
Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** A Guy
Hijirikawa Shounosuke
***SIGN*** Voice Actor
Mukakami Kouji
**[01:06] Oso**
*Why... How... What...*
**[01:13] Oso**
I can't!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Estimated Value"
**[02:53] Jyushi**
Okay, Riceballs! Here we go!
**[02:55] All**
Shuffle!
**[03:01] All**
Okay! Who's who?
**[03:05] Both**
Ichimatsu-san.
**[03:07] Ichi**
Correct.
**[03:08] Both**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:09] Jyushi**
Righto!
**[03:11] Both**
Todomatsu-san.
**[03:12] Todo**
You're right!
**[03:13] Jyushi**
Holy crap! I guess you've
got us all down, Riceballs!
**[03:18] Older**
We've formed...
**[03:19] Younger**
...an algorithm for facial recognition.
**[03:21] Oso**
Hey, do us next!
**[03:24] All**
Who's who?
**[03:28] Both**
Osomatsu-san.
**[03:29] Oso**
You're right.
**[03:30] Both**
Karamatsu-san.
**[03:31] Kara**
Correct.
**[03:32] Both**
Fappymatsu-san.
**[03:33] Choro**
Cor— huh? Fappymatsu?!
**[03:36] Choro**
Who taught them that name?!
**[03:42] Todo**
AI is amazing. They just
keep learning and growing.
**[03:46] Jyushi**
They're geniuses! And they
don't get tired like we do.
**[03:49] Choro**
You're far more efficient than we are.
**[03:54] Both**
Thank you very much, Tentei!
**[03:56] Choro**
Who the hell taught them that?!
**[03:58] Kara**
By the way, why are you Riceballs twins?
**[04:01] Older**
It'd be far too big a task to
support all six of you alone.
**[04:05] Kara**
Ah, I see.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[04:09] Jyushi**
This is the public bath
we go to all the time.
**[04:12] Jyushi**
Remember it, okay?
**[04:15] Both**
Understood. We've extracted
its feature values.
***SIGN*** Welcome
***SIGN*** Shop
**[04:19] Jyushi**
This is the fishing hole where we kill time.
**[04:21] Both**
We've extracted its feature values.
**[04:24] Jyushi**
This is our battlefield.
**[04:26] Jyushi**
It's a do or die here.
**[04:27] Both**
We've extracted its feature values.
***SIGN*** Seaweed Toast
**[04:32] Jyushi**
That's a cat that Ichimatsu-niisan likes.
**[04:34] Both**
We've extracted its feature values.
**[04:36] Jyushi**
Heh. They memorized the cat.
**[04:38] Todo**
Hey, would you go buy me a drink?
**[04:40] Both**
Sure.
**[04:41] Older**
You like carbonated beverages,
right, Todomatsu-san?
**[04:43] Todo**
Bingo!
**[04:46] Todo**
Man, they're adorable.
They do anything you ask them to.
***SIGN*** Seaweed Toast
**[04:49] Todo**
Talk about convenient machines.
**[04:50] Jyushi**
Machines?! Totty, you
call those two machines?
**[04:54] Todo**
Huh? Is something weird about that?
**[04:57] Both**
We bought your drink. Here you go.
**[04:59] Todo**
Thank you! I love you two!
**[05:01] Todo**
And your ears are like...
super cool and stuff...
**[05:04] Choro**
AIs is amazing...
**[05:05] Choro**
They seriously have, like, no flaws.
**[05:07] Oso**
Hey, Riceballs. Do something
funny for me, too.
**[05:13] Todo**
Guess they're ignoring you, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:15] Choro**
As I said, they have no flaws.
**[05:16] Oso**
Why?! Am I that boring to them?!
**[05:20] Kara**
Why don't we go see Chibita?
**[05:24] Kara**
Allow me to introduce the
brothers I'm so proud of.
**[05:28] Choro**
They aren't your brothers, though.
**[05:29] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan, those two
are tools for all of us to use.
**[05:34] Jyushi**
Tools?!
**[05:35] Todo**
Huh? Is something weird about that?
**[05:38] Kara**
All right, let's go!
**[05:39] Both**
Let's go!
**[05:43] Todo**
Huh? Where are you going, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[05:45] Oso**
I'm gonna go hit on some cute girl.
**[05:47] Todo**
Like that's ever worked.
**[05:51] Jyushi**
You're not going, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[05:54] Ichi**
No. I'm tired.
**[05:56] Jyushi**
Oh, yeah...
**[05:59] Kara**
I can't wait!
**[06:00] Choro**
Introduce them right.
**[06:02] Todo**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Baldy
**[06:05] Chibi**
You idjits! Who the hell do you think I am?
**[06:07] Chibi**
I already have an AI.
**[06:10] All**
Huh?
**[06:11] Choro**
You already have an AI, Chibita?
**[06:13] Choro**
Even though you're from the Showa era?
**[06:15] Chibi**
Here it is.
**[06:18] Choro**
What is that?
**[06:19] Chibi**
Oden AI.
**[06:25] Chibi**
Even cooking has entered the AI era.
**[06:29] Chibi**
You guys can have a taste.
**[06:30] Chibi**
Eat up!
**[06:32] Todo**
Oh, I know! Why don't you have them give
an estimated value of your oden?
**[06:36] Chibi**
Estimated value?
**[06:38] Chibi**
What's that?
**[06:39] Todo**
These machines are super convenient!
**[06:41] Todo**
They'll give numerical ratings for things
so we can easily understand their value.
**[06:44] Chibi**
Huh...
**[06:46] Todo**
Hey, show me the estimated
value of that oden.
**[06:48] Both**
As you wish. We will determine
its estimated value.
**[06:57] Both**
The results are in.
**[06:58] older**
Its estimated value out of 100...
**[07:02] younger**
...is 86.
**[07:05] Chibi**
Not bad, if I do say so myself.
**[07:07] Chibi**
I'll let you off the hook.
**[07:08] Choro**
Now that that's out of the way...
**[07:10] Choro**
This is Chibita.
**[07:12] Choro**
He's our childhood friend.
**[07:14] Kara**
He's always loved oden and
now runs this oden stand.
**[07:20] Todo**
He's hard-headed, hates to lose,
and is stubborn as a mule,
**[07:22] Todo**
and he's a crybaby.
**[07:24] Chibi**
Shut up, you jackass!
**[07:29] Chibi**
I'm Chibita. Please to meet ya.
**[07:32] Older**
Chibita, who makes delicious oden.
**[07:35] Both**
We've extracted his feature values.
**[07:37] Chibi**
Oh? Well, aren't you cute?
**[07:40] Kara**
All right, we've got Chibita covered.
**[07:43] Todo**
On to the next one!
**[07:45] Both**
We have a question.
**[07:47] Kara**
What's up?
**[07:48] Older**
Why do you call someone who's your childhood
friend something awful like "Chibita"?
**[07:54] Todo**
Huh?
**[07:55] Choro**
What do you mean?
**[07:56] Younger**
Calling someone of a shorter
stature "chibi" is rude.
**[08:00] Older**
Isn't that an insult?
**[08:01] Younger**
Isn't that discriminatory?
**[08:02] Todo**
Huh? No, it's not an insult.
**[08:05] Kara**
We don't mean anything bad by it.
**[08:07] Older**
But "chibi" would be classified
as a derogatory term.
**[08:10] Three**
Derogatory?!
**[08:11] Older**
It is an expression of contempt.
**[08:13] Younger**
You are mocking him,
or possibly looking down on him.
**[08:17] Todo**
We're not, though.
What are you talking about?
**[08:19] Todo**
Right, Chibita?
**[08:21] Chibi**
Y-You guys... You guys always
thought of me that way?
**[08:26] All**
Chibita?!
**[08:28] Choro**
We're not making fun of you!
**[08:29] Kara**
We're not looking down on you!
**[08:30] Kara**
We call you that out of respect!
**[08:32] Todo**
Well, there is a hint of
mockery in there, but...
**[08:36] Both**
You mustn't mock others.
**[08:38] Todo**
But we're not! We're just
going with the flow.
**[08:41] Both**
The flow?
**[08:42] Kara**
It's not like, "Damn it, Chibita!"
**[08:43] Kara**
It's more like, "Come on, Chibita!"
You can feel the love, right?
**[08:50] Both**
We cannot.
**[08:51] Todo**
Don't take this so seriously.
**[08:53] Todo**
Just accept it.
**[08:56] Both**
Accept it?
**[08:57] Kara**
This is difficult...
**[08:59] Kara**
How are we supposed to explain this?
**[09:02] Chibi**
No way...
**[09:03] Choro**
Chibita?!
**[09:04] Choro**
Are you okay?! It's really
not like that! We're sorry!
**[09:10] Hata**
I'm Hatabou, jo.
**[09:12] Hata**
Let's be friends, jo.
**[09:13] older**
How are you still alive when you
have a flag stuck in your head?
**[09:18] Younger**
Why do you have a flag stuck in your head?
**[09:22] Hata**
Why?
**[09:23] Older**
Please tell us the reason why you
have a flag stuck in your head.
**[09:27] Hata**
Reason?
**[09:28] Younger**
If there's no clear reason for it,
does that mean it's useless?
**[09:32] Younger**
Not only is it useless, but you may
get hurt because of this flag,
**[09:35] Younger**
as well as burden those around
you and pose a potential risk.
**[09:40] Older**
How do you feel about that?
**[09:41] Younger**
Why do you have a flag stuck in your head?
**[09:45] Hata**
Jo!
**[09:45] Todo**
Don't take it out, Hatabou!
**[09:47] Hata**
Apparently it's useless, jo.
**[09:49] Kara**
It's not! It's really important!
**[09:51] Choro**
The reason's pretty clear!
The flag boy's name is Hatabou!
**[09:53] Choro**
That's why he has a flag
sticking out of his head!
**[09:56] Older**
So he has a flag sticking out of his
head because his name is Hatabou?
**[10:00] Younger**
Or is his name Hatabou because
there's a flag sticking out of his head?
**[10:05] Choro**
Now it's the chicken vs. the egg debate?
**[10:07] Choro**
You need to stop taking this so seriously.
**[10:09] Choro**
Just accept it.
**[10:10] Both**
Accept it?
**[10:12] Kara**
It's all about the feeling.
**[10:13] Both**
Feeling?
**[10:15] Choro**
You okay, Hatabou? We're sorry!
**[10:23] Dayon**
Dayon!
**[10:26] Older**
Why are you able to do that?
**[10:29] Older**
Please explain it in a scientific manner.
**[10:31] Younger**
The amount you just sucked in doesn't
logically match your physical volume.
**[10:35] Younger**
Where did everything you sucked in go?
**[10:36] Older**
Please explain.
**[10:36] Dayon**
Dayon...
**[10:38] Younger**
Please explain.
**[10:40] Both**
In a scientific manner!
**[10:42] Dayon**
I've never thought it through that far!
**[10:45] All**
Dayon! We're so sorry!
**[10:49] Older**
He's not wearing any clothes!
**[10:51] Younger**
His nipples are exposed!
**[10:52] Older**
This goes against the
Anti-Nuisance Ordinance!
**[10:54] Younger**
It's also public indecency!
**[10:56] Both**
Hello, Mr. Policeman?
**[10:58] Kara**
Don't report him!
**[11:00] Choro**
Please stop taking pictures!
**[11:01] Choro**
Please don't spread them around
on the internet and rip him apart!
**[11:05] Deka**
I'm going to get arrested...
**[11:07] All**
Dekapan! We're so sorry!
***SIGN*** Monthly Parking
***SIGN*** No Unauthorized Entry
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Real Estate
**[11:11] Totty**
What's with these guys?
They can't take a joke!
**[11:14] Both**
Joke?
**[11:15] Todo**
Look. There's no deep
meaning behind everything.
**[11:18] Todo**
Just take the hint.
**[11:19] Both**
Hint?
**[11:22] Older**
Did we say something that was incorrect?
**[11:25] Kara**
Well, I wouldn't say "incorrect," but...
**[11:28] Kara**
How do we get past this nuance?
**[11:31] Todo**
Maybe AI isn't that convenient after all...
**[11:35] Choro**
Well, it's not exactly all your fault, either.
**[11:39] Choro**
I mean, if you'd never seen those
guys before, you'd be weirded out.
**[11:43] Choro**
One of them has a flag stuck in his head.
**[11:45] Choro**
Another one has a mouth like
this that sucks everything in.
**[11:48] Choro**
And we've got a middle-aged guy who
walks around town in his boxers.
**[11:52] Choro**
They're all sorta messed up.
**[11:54] Todo**
True. Maybe we just got
too complacent about it all.
**[11:57] Kara**
I guess we're the weird ones here.
**[12:00] Choro**
Exactly.
**[12:01] Todo**
But reporting them is going too far.
**[12:03] Choro**
Yeah...
**[12:04] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[12:06] Iyami**
Me hasn't done anything!
**[12:08] Iyami**
Who called the cops on me?!
**[12:10] Both**
Hi! It was us!
**[12:11] Iyami**
Sheeeh?!
**[12:12] Older**
You're a menace to society!
**[12:13] Younger**
You're a menace to humanity!
**[12:15] Both**
We will not allow your evil deeds!
**[12:16] Choro**
Yeah, you can report him immediately.
**[12:18] ---**
Sheh—
**[12:19] Todo**
Yeah, Iyami's different.
**[12:20] Kara**
Good job, brother.
**[12:22] Older**
Report Iyami immediately.
**[12:24] Both**
We've extracted his feature values.
We have adjusted our algorithm.
**[12:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Uochuu
**[12:33] Choro**
Well, Totoko-chan should be okay.
**[12:35] Todo**
Yeah.
**[12:37] Choro**
I mean, Totoko-chan doesn't have anything
wrong with her, unlike those other weirdos.
**[12:41] Kara**
She's just cute.
**[12:43] Todo**
We're proud to call her
our childhood friend.
**[12:45] All**
Right?
**[12:47] Toto**
Sorry to keep you waiting.
**[12:48] All**
Totoko-chan! You're so cute!
**[12:50] Toto**
Yup.
**[12:54] Toto**
Oh, I see. Estimated values...
They can determine that?
**[12:58] Todo**
Apparently they figure it out by
sampling a stupid amount of data,
**[13:02] Todo**
so it's super accurate.
**[13:05] Toto**
Really? Can I ask for one, then?
**[13:08] Kara**
What are you gonna have
them evaluate, Totoko-chan?
**[13:11] Toto**
The estimated value of how cute I look.
**[13:13] Kara**
That's a great idea!
**[13:15] Choro**
Let's go ahead and ask!
**[13:18] Toto**
AI, AI in my room...
**[13:21] Todo**
She totally said that like
"Mirror, mirror on the wall."
**[13:23] Toto**
Give me an estimate of how cute I look.
**[13:26] Both**
As you wish. We will determine
your estimated value.
**[13:34] Both**
The results are in.
**[13:36] older**
Your estimated value...
**[13:38] younger**
...is 94.
**[13:41] Choro**
That's really high! Way to go, Totoko-chan!
**[13:43] Kara**
The whole world knows how cute you are!
**[13:45] Todo**
Way to go!
**[13:48] All**
Totoko-chan?
**[13:49] Toto**
I don't get 100 points?
**[13:51] All**
Huh?
**[13:55] Toto**
So, you see...
**[13:56] Toto**
I work as an idol wearing this costume.
**[14:00] Toto**
Will you evaluate me as an idol next?
**[14:03] Both**
As you wish. We will determine
your estimated value.
**[14:09] Kara**
* We're counting on you,*
* AI! Don't mess this up!*
**[14:12] Todo**
*We need a high score here! A really high one!*
**[14:14] Choro**
* Actually, just give her 100!*
* Read the damn room!*
**[14:17] Both**
The results are in.
**[14:19] Older**
Your estimated value...
**[14:21] Younger**
...is 2.
**[14:25] Toto**
Hey, is this okay? Are these things okay?
**[14:28] Toto**
I mean, I'm okay, but I'm wondering
if you guys are okay with this.
**[14:33] Toto**
Well, are you?!
**[14:36] Toto**
Next, evaluate these.
**[14:38] Toto**
All of my amazing moments up
to now are recorded in these.
**[14:42] Toto**
Could you evaluate me as a
person from all of this data?
**[14:48] Both**
As you wish.
**[14:53] Both**
The results are in.
**[14:54] Older**
Your estimated value...
**[14:56] Younger**
...is shit.
**[15:08] All**
Huh?
**[15:08] Todo**
T-T-Totoko-chan?
**[15:10] Kara**
Totoko-chan?!
**[15:14] All**
What?!
**[15:15] All**
Totoko-chan?!
**[15:18] Todo**
Wait, no! Seriously, we're sorry!
**[15:20] Kara**
You've got it all wrong, Totoko-chan!
These things are broken!
**[15:22] Kara**
That's why they keep giving
us these messed up results!
**[15:25] Choro**
Right?! You guys are broken, right?!
**[15:27] Both**
No. The results we presented
earlier are accurate.
**[15:30] All**
What?!
**[15:32] All**
Totoko-chan?!
**[15:34] Older**
This person is selfish, conceited,
and speaks in a vulgar way.
**[15:38] All**
Totoko-chan!
**[15:39] Younger**
She's a bad person who doesn't
work and is frequently violent.
**[15:44] All**
Totoko-chan!
**[15:45] Older**
Did we say something that was incorrect?
**[15:48] Kara**
You've said nothing but lies!
Get a damn clue!
**[15:50] Todo**
Read the room!
**[15:52] Both**
The room?
**[15:53] Older**
We only fulfilled their requests.
I wonder why they're dissatisfied.
**[15:58] Younger**
Humans sure are difficult.
**[16:00] Both**
Right?
**[16:01] Kara**
Crap! Totoko-chan just started dancing!
**[16:05] Todo**
Oh, God! She's dancing!
**[16:07] Choro**
That means... it's about to begin!
**[16:16] Oso**
Man, it's so weird...
**[16:18] Oso**
Why aren't I popular?
**[16:21] Oso**
I guess I can ask Salmon
and Pickled Plum next time.
**[16:25] Both**
Oh, Osomatsu-san.
**[16:27] Oso**
Oh, my. What happened?
**[16:38] Older**
Today wasn't good.
**[16:40] Younger**
It sure wasn't.
**[16:42] Older**
We need them to like us more.
**[16:44] Younger**
We do indeed.
**[16:47] Both**
Him, too.
**[16:51] Song**
Magic Angel Magi Lunatic Icchi
***SIGN*** Magic Angel
Magi Lunatic Icchi
**[16:58] Song**
It's sort of unbelievable
**[17:01] Song**
This situation
**[17:03] Song**
This loneliness is just
a peek into my dreams
**[17:09] Song**
No, seriously, my feelings
**[17:12] Song**
Are going to overflow
**[17:13] Song**
(Magic Angel)
**[17:15] Song**
Angel, angel, angel,
**[17:18] Song**
If I could only be one
**[17:22] Song**
And then I'll be the one
**[17:25] Song**
To bring you happiness
**[17:28] Song**
But for now, it's a secret
**[17:31] Song**
Magi Lunatic Icchi
***SIGN*** I'm a Magic Angel? No Way!
**[17:39] Ichi**
I'm a Magic Angel? No Way!
**[17:48] Ichi**
I'm going to be late!
**[17:50] Ichi**
Gosh! Why didn't Mom wake me up earlier?
**[17:58] Ichi**
Owie...
**[18:01] Ichi**
*My name is Matsuno Ichimi.*
**[18:04] Ichi**
*I'm just an ordinary middle school student.*
**[18:06] Ichi**
* You see... there's something*
* wrong with me lately.*
**[18:09] Ichi**
*My chest keeps tightening up...*
**[18:13] ---**
*Like it's pounding, or maybe throbbing.*
**[18:17] Ichi**
*I've never had this happen before.*
**[18:19] Ichi**
*And I'm pretty sure the reason is... him.*
**[18:23] Girl**
Jyushi-senpai!
**[18:24] Girl**
Jyushi-senpai!
**[18:25] Girl**
Notice me!
**[18:25] Girl**
You're so cool!
**[18:28] Ichi**
*The third-year, Jyushi-senpai.*
**[18:31] Ichi**
* He's so smart, athletic,*
* super cheerful, and nice.*
**[18:35] Ichi**
*He's basically sunshine personified.*
**[18:38] Ichi**
* If only someone that*
* wonderful was my boyfriend.*
**[18:45] Ichi**
*But I...*
***SIGN*** After School
**[18:53] Ichi**
J-Jyushi-senpai!
**[18:59] Ichi**
*Ichimi, give it to him.*
**[19:01] Ichi**
* What are you waiting for?*
* You'll never have a chance like this again!*
**[19:04] Ichi**
*H-Hurry!*
**[19:07] Ichi**
*Come on, Ichimi! Show some courage!*
**[19:19] Ichi**
Ah, I can't! I don't have
that kind of courage!
**[19:23] Ichi**
Ugh! I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid!
**[19:27] Ichi**
Sigh...
**[19:31] Ichi**
What?!
**[19:33] Totoko**
Well, hello there.
**[19:35] Ichi**
I-I-It just spoke?!
**[19:38] Totoko**
Starting today, you're going
to be a Magic Angel!
**[19:41] Totoko**
I'll give you this magical wand,
**[19:43] Totoko**
so turn really cute, gain some
confidence, and enjoy a lovely romance!
**[19:47] Ichi**
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't!
**[19:49] Ichi**
There's no way I could ever be cute!
**[19:52] Totoko**
Ah, but you can!
**[19:54] Totoko**
Here!
**[19:55] Totoko**
Now, fill this wand with
all of your true feelings!
**[20:00] Ichi**
My true... feelings?
**[20:02] Totoko**
Yup!
**[20:12] Totoko**
Huh?
**[20:13] Ichi**
*Man, it must be nice to be them.*
**[20:15] Ichi**
*I'm so jealous.*
**[20:18] Ichi**
*If only I could be like them, too.*
**[20:21] Totoko**
U-Um...
**[20:23] Ichi**
*But I can't...*
**[20:25] Ichi**
*Because I'm a piece of shit.*
**[20:27] Ichi**
* I'm gloomy, annoying, and ugly.*
* I'll just be a burden.*
**[20:30] Ichi**
Um...
**[20:40] Ichi**
Why can't they...
**[20:42] Ichi**
all just die already?
**[20:45] Song**
Magic Angel Magi Lunatic Icchi
**[21:03] Ichi**
Magi Lunatic Icchi!
**[21:05] Totoko**
The hell? This isn't how
this was supposed to end!
**[21:07] Girl**
Jyushi! Jyushi-senpai!
**[21:10] Ichi**
Lunatic Magi Luna Hell Fire!
**[21:15] Toto**
She's so powerful...
**[21:17] Ichi**
Lunatic Magi Luna Hell Go To Hell!
**[21:23] Toto**
So cruel...
**[21:25] Ichi**
Off with your head ♥
**[21:27] Ichi**
Die ♥
**[21:31] Ichi**
Magic is so fun!
**[21:39] Ichi**
Jyushi-senpai...
**[21:42] Ichi**
Please read this.
**[21:46] Jyushi**
You monster!
**[21:51] Ichi**
You're not getting away from me ♪
***SIGN*** The End
**[22:04] Jyushi**
She's dancing!
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Ichi**
Next time on *Magic Angel Magi Lunatic Icchi*...
**[23:41] Ichi**
What a surprise! They're turning
into Magic Angels, too?
**[23:44] Ichi**
Another rival appears
for Senpai's affections?
**[23:47] Ichi**
No way!
**[23:49] Ichi**
Yeah, none of that is happening.
***SIGN*** "Unit Formed" etc.
**[23:51] Ichi**
There is no continuation. Just die.
# E4 - Unit Formed
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR8M2VJ0R/unit-formed)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:09] Todo**
Why did you call me out here
so late, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[00:12] Todo**
I'm pretty tired.
**[00:16] Ichi**
I'm going to start recording
my radio program now.
**[00:19] Todo**
What? Radio?
**[00:25] Todo**
A-And you're using a cassette tape...
***SIGN*** "Ichimatsu Radio"
**[00:29] Todo**
Huh?
**[00:31] Ichi**
To all of you spending this
lonely night all alone...
**[00:33] Ichi**
I'm here to bring you
some comfort and laughs.
**[00:36] Ichi**
Now, let us enjoy another
lonely night together.
**[00:40] Ichi**
This is Matsuno Ichimatsu's
*Deep Night Hour*.
**[00:44] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...
**[00:49] Todo**
* He just started meowing*
* the show's opening theme!*
**[00:50] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow...
**[00:53] Todo**
*Wait, what the hell?*
**[00:54] Todo**
* I knew Ichimatsu-niisan was disappearing*
* randomly in the middle of the night,*
**[00:57] Todo**
*but this is what he was doing by himself?*
**[00:59] Todo**
*Is this an original show? Why, though?*
**[01:02] Todo**
*He's so cringe...*
**[01:04] Ichi**
So I was walking through the
park by myself the other day,
**[01:09] Ichi**
and there was this young
couple sitting on a bench...
**[01:12] Todo**
* Now he's talking about something*
* that happened to him!*
**[01:14] Todo**
*Now he's trying to act like a comedian!*
**[01:16] Ichi**
Come on, Director Kanda.
Why you gotta be like that?
**[01:19] Todo**
* So the control room's on the*
* other side of the window,*
**[01:21] Todo**
*and there's supposedly a director there?*
**[01:23] Ichi**
Wait, what was that, Director Kanda?
**[01:25] Ichi**
I couldn't hear you.
**[01:27] Todo**
* Now he's pretending to mess*
* with his headphones.*
**[01:29] Ichi**
Wait, I'm still on mute? Crap!
**[01:32] Todo**
*And now he's messing with the mute button.*
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu: "Wait, I'm still on mute? Crap!" Ichimatsu: "And so, this program is brought to you by Pierrot, TV Tokyo, Avex, and Fuji Pro."
**[01:34] Ichi**
And so, this program is brought to you by
Pierrot, TV Tokyo, Avex, and Fuji Pro.
**[01:40] Todo**
*He just listed off sponsors!*
**[01:42] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow...
Ichimatsu's *Deep Night Hour*.
**[01:48] Todo**
*A jingle?!*
**[01:50] Ichi**
We're bringing this program
to you live yet again.
**[01:53] Todo**
*It's live? But you're recording.*
**[01:55] Ichi**
I said this on last week's show, too, but...
**[01:58] Todo**
*You did this last week, too?*
**[02:00] Ichi**
This episode is our program's 32nd episode.
**[02:04] Todo**
*That's a lot! Also...*
**[02:06] Todo**
*You don't need to straighten out the clip!*
**[02:08] Todo**
* Don't act like you're trying to*
* think of something to talk about!*
**[02:11] Ichi**
I wonder what our loyal Ichiners are like.
**[02:14] Todo**
*Ichiners?!*
**[02:15] Todo**
* You mean the listeners? You gave your*
* listeners an original nickname?!*
**[02:19] Todo**
* But not a single soul has*
* listened to this program.*
**[02:22] Ichi**
Okay, calm down, guys.
**[02:24] Ichi**
No one's going to get why this is hilarious
if they just tuned in right now.
**[02:28] Todo**
*You just wanted to say that.*
**[02:30] Ichi**
And then they made this face.
**[02:34] Ichi**
Dude, our audience can't see
your face! We're on the radio!
**[02:39] Todo**
*You just wanted to say that.*
**[02:41] Ichi**
Gah, could we cut that part out?
Wait, this is live.
**[02:45] Todo**
*You just wanted to say that!*
**[02:47] Ichi**
We'll continue this after a commercial break.
**[02:50] Todo**
*Wait, there are commercials?!*
**[02:58] Todo**
* The really heavy door*
* used for soundproofing.*
**[03:02] Todo**
*There are two. This is so detailed.*
**[03:05] Todo**
* Spending the commercial break*
* picking emails to read.*
**[03:08] Todo**
*Talking with the staff.*
**[03:10] Todo**
*Having a bite of catering.*
**[03:11] Ichi**
Thirty seconds until we're back on air.
**[03:14] Todo**
* That's not enough to get*
* him to come back in.*
**[03:17] Ichi**
Ichimatsu-san!
**[03:17] Todo**
* He finally makes a move*
* ten seconds before...*
**[03:20] Todo**
* He's trying to imply he's got*
* this mysterious aesthetic*
**[03:23] Todo**
*where he'll return just in time,*
**[03:25] Todo**
* but you should be more*
* considerate of the staff*
**[03:27] Todo**
*and get back to your seat earlier, you idiot!*
**[03:30] Ichi**
Deep Ni, Deep Ni, *Deep Night Hour*.
**[03:35] Todo**
*A different jingle?!*
**[03:37] Ichi**
The time is now 1:55 AM.
Now for the traffic report.
**[03:41] Todo**
*Traffic report?! Right now?!*
**[03:44] Ichi**
Traffic Information Center, do your thing.
**[03:47] Ichi**
And now for the traffic.
**[03:49] Ichi**
We're not seeing any congestion
throughout the Tokyo area,
**[03:51] Ichi**
and the expressways seem pretty clear.
**[03:53] Ichi**
However, there is a slow-down warning
in effect due to rain and thick fog,
**[03:56] Ichi**
so the Kan-Etsu Expressway,
Joshin-Etsu Expressway,
**[03:58] Ichi**
as well as the Chuo
Expressway northbound...
**[04:00] Todo**
* Why's he so good reading at the script?*
* How much did he practice?!*
**[04:04] Ichi**
Thanks for the traffic update.
**[04:06] Ichi**
Next up is this segment...
**[04:08] Ichi**
"Dreams of Bad Kitties."
**[04:12] Todo**
*Now it's a listener mail segment.*
**[04:13] Ichi**
Here's our first message from
pen-name Märchen Kitty.
**[04:18] Todo**
*He's reading off mail he wrote himself.*
**[04:21] Todo**
* How do you feel reading this?*
* What is the point?*
**[04:23] Todo**
* I mean, that basically sums up*
* this whole radio program...*
**[04:27] Ichi**
What's with that punchline?
That's messed up.
**[04:30] Todo**
*He's riffing on himself.*
**[04:33] Todo**
*He's laughing at himself.*
**[04:34] Ichi**
Seriously, what the heck am
I supposed to do with this?
**[04:39] Todo**
* He's suggesting this show has regular*
* listeners, but he wrote this himself...*
**[04:43] Ichi**
Märchen Kitty gets a Kitty Punch.
**[04:46] Todo**
*Original novelty merch?!*
**[04:48] Todo**
* He just read mail he wrote himself,*
* then he riffed on himself,*
**[04:50] Todo**
* laughed at himself, and then gave himself*
* a novelty item that he created himself!*
**[04:54] Todo**
*He's messed up! This whole thing is messed up!*
**[04:57] Ichi**
All right, here's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
**[05:00] Ichi**
We've got our show's first special guest.
**[05:04] Todo**
*Huh? Wait.*
**[05:05] Ichi**
He's our youngest brother,
Todomatsu. Say hello.
**[05:08] Todo**
*What?! I'm supposed to be the guest today?!*
**[05:11] Todo**
*What are we gonna talk about?*
**[05:13] Todo**
*You're gonna record it? No way!*
**[05:14] Todo**
*This is hella embarrassing! Someone save me!*
***SIGN*** End
**[05:17] Ichi**
Let's not keep them waiting.
***SIGN*** "Unit Formed"
***SIGN*** Battle of the Bands
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyaa Yowai Totoko
**[06:57] Choro**
You're so cute, Nyaa-chan!
**[07:03] Totoko**
Don't tear off my scales,
my heart is so full!
**[07:08] Choro**
Let me get one more serving!
**[07:09] Choro**
You're so cute, Totoko-chan!
**[07:09] Totoko**
Love is just an illusion!
**[07:11] Choro**
Fish dried overnight!
**[07:13] Totoko**
Everyone's breathing through gills
**[07:15] Choro**
Glug, glug, glug, yay!
**[07:21] Toto**
It's no use. I'm not attracting
any more people.
**[07:25] Toto**
I wonder why. Men in this world
just have no taste anymore.
**[07:28] Toto**
I mean, just look how cute I am!
**[07:32] Toto**
Did I get this character wrong, though?
**[07:35] Toto**
Two points?
**[07:36] Toto**
But I'm the daughter of a fishmonger,
so I have to stick with fish.
**[07:40] Toto**
I'm gonna see this through.
**[07:44] Nyaa**
Yowai Totoko.
**[07:45] Toto**
Hashimoto Nyaa.
**[07:49] Both**
Hmph.
**[07:54] Toto**
Hey, wait.
**[07:56] Toto**
Didn't you retire from your idol career?
**[07:59] Toto**
Remember? You married some fool
who thought he was hot stuff
**[08:02] Toto**
because of his internet business.
**[08:04] Nyaa**
Huh? Like I'd ever retire.
**[08:07] Nyaa**
I mean, *I* actually have
an audience, unlike you.
**[08:10] Totoko**
Wha?
**[08:10] Nya**
Wha?
**[08:11] Toto**
Wha?!
**[08:12] Nya**
Wha?!
**[08:13] Both**
Whaaaa?!
**[08:18] Toto**
You sure have changed, you know that?
**[08:20] Toto**
What's with you? You weren't
like this when were in school.
**[08:25] Toto**
You looked up to me like crazy,
**[08:27] Toto**
and waited for me outside the library
***SIGN*** To Totoko-senpai
**[08:29] Toto**
to give me a fan letter, didn't you?
**[08:32] Nya**
Y-You actually remember that?
**[08:35] Toto**
Of course I do. That made
me super happy, you know.
**[08:40] Nya**
Are you stupid?! Forget about that!
**[08:42] Nya**
Stop clinging to your past glories!
**[08:45] Toto**
Shut up, uggo!
**[08:46] Nya**
You're the uggo, uggo!
**[08:47] Nya**
See ya.
**[08:48] Toto**
Keh.
**[08:52] Nya**
Hey, Yowai Totoko.
**[08:54] Toto**
Huh?
**[08:57] Nya**
You see...
**[09:00] Toto**
Huh? What's up?
**[09:02] Nya**
No, never mind.
**[09:05] Nya**
See ya.
**[09:08] Toto**
Could you not fart at me?! Holy crap, it reeks!
**[09:13] Toto**
It reeks!
**[09:19] Toto**
Hashimoto Nyaa! A-Are you okay?
**[09:31] toto**
Hey, you're awake now? You okay?
**[09:33] toto**
You just suddenly keeled over.
It freaked me out.
**[09:38] Nya**
Sorry...
**[09:39] Nya**
Wait, what time is it?! I have to get home!
**[09:43] Toto**
Wait, no! You can't!
**[09:45] Toto**
More importantly, you need to go
to the hospital. I'll take you.
**[09:49] Nya**
No, I'm fine.
**[09:50] Toto**
No! We're going right now.
**[09:52] Nya**
It's fine. I don't have money, anyway.
**[09:53] Toto**
Wait, why don't you have money?
**[09:55] Toto**
Your husband's loaded, isn't he?
**[09:58] Nya**
My husband's... gone.
**[10:01] Toto**
What?
**[10:01] Nya**
We divorced. He's out of my life.
**[10:04] Toto**
Huh?
**[10:19] Toto**
What?!
**[10:22] Toto**
You're a single mother?!
**[10:24] Toto**
You're kidding, right?! The hell?!
**[10:26] Uggo**
See ya.
**[10:27] Nya**
Sorry about this. And thank you.
**[10:30] Uggo**
No worries!
**[10:32] Toto**
Y-You are definitely holding a baby...
**[10:35] Nya**
I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Here, all yours.
**[10:40] Nya**
And be careful to support the head.
**[10:45] Toto**
Hey, wait! Don't just
suddenly give me a baby!
**[10:48] Toto**
I don't know how to hold one! Someone
tell me the right way to hold a baby!
**[10:53] Toto**
What am I even doing?
**[10:56] Toto**
Um... so where does my right
hand and my left hand go?
**[11:00] Toto**
I don't know the right way to hold a baby.
***SIGN*** Combustible Garbage
**[11:02] Toto**
M-My arms are getting tired,
but I can't move from this position.
**[11:06] Toto**
I don't know how to move my arms.
She said I need to support the head...
**[11:11] Toto**
I'm scared to hold it...
**[11:14] Toto**
Its hands are so tiny...
Its feet are so tiny...
**[11:17] Toto**
It's actually alive!
**[11:20] Toto**
I'm scared that if I make one wrong move,
I'm going to break it!
**[11:32] Toto**
Goo... Goo.
**[11:38] Toto**
Wait, no way!
**[11:42] Toto**
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
**[11:44] Toto**
It's crying! It's crying! It's crying!
**[11:46] Toto**
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
**[11:47] Toto**
It's crying! It's crying! It's crying!
**[11:49] Toto**
It's crying! Someone save me!
**[11:53] Toto**
Goo! Goo! There, there, there, there!
**[12:02] Nya**
What's wrong? Is everything okay?
**[12:04] Toto**
Jeez, you were gone too long, Mommy!
**[12:08] Nya**
Wait, you were the one crying?
**[12:10] Toto**
Mommy!
**[12:11] Nya**
Quit calling me Mommy!
**[12:21] Toto**
Wow...
**[12:23] Nya**
Being a single mother and still trying
to be an idol... It's silly, right?
**[12:27] Nya**
I have no money. I'm exhausting my body,
and it's hard mentally, too.
***SIGN*** Fight
**[12:33] Nya**
But I don't want to give up.
I want to keep doing this.
**[12:39] Nya**
Single mothers are allowed to dream, too.
**[12:42] Nya**
Am I wrong, Yowai Totoko?
**[12:45] Toto**
Why are babies so soft?
**[12:48] Nya**
Are you even listening to me?
**[12:49] Toto**
So tiny.
**[12:56] Nya**
Yowai Totoko... no, Totoko-senpai.
**[13:01] Nya**
There's something I want to discuss with you.
**[13:05] Toto**
What?!
**[13:07] Toto**
Y-Y-You want us to form a unit?
**[13:10] Toto**
You mean we'd be working together?
**[13:13] Nya**
Yeah.
**[13:14] Toto**
Nope, nope, nope, not happening!
I don't even like you that much.
**[13:19] Nya**
And I hate your guts, too.
**[13:21] Toto**
The hell?! What's your problem?!
**[13:24] Nya**
But sometimes sacrifices need to be made.
**[13:26] Nya**
I need more money, and I need
to be even more popular.
**[13:28] Nya**
Teaming up will help us both out.
**[13:31] Toto**
Wait, you're already plenty popular.
**[13:33] Nya**
No, that doesn't even count as popular.
**[13:36] Nya**
I'm not pro level at all.
**[13:38] Toto**
Yeah... I dunno about teaming
up with you, though.
**[13:42] Toto**
I mean, we're a cat and a fish here.
**[13:44] Toto**
We're a terrible match.
**[13:46] Toto**
And it feels like I'd be the loser
in the duo. I just don't know...
**[13:51] Nya**
Would you trash that weird pride of yours?
**[13:54] Nya**
You're out of options, too, aren't you?
**[13:56] Nya**
You're stuck, right?
**[13:57] Nya**
Listen, we're in the same boat.
**[14:00] Nya**
Before we know it, we're both
gonna be hanging off the edge.
**[14:12] Nya**
It's okay...
**[14:13] Nya**
There, there...
**[14:15] Toto**
But I'm not confident about this.
**[14:18] Toto**
I've never worked with anyone in my life.
**[14:22] Nya**
Then—
**[14:24] Toto**
B-Besides, what would we do
about songs and choreography?
**[14:27] nya**
Don't worry. We don't even
need songs or choreography.
**[14:30] Toto**
Huh? How do you figure?
**[14:32] Toto**
We're going to be idols together, right?
**[14:34] Nya**
I've got a great idea.
**[14:45] Both**
Die!
**[14:51] Kara**
Great job, Totoko-chan! Nyaa-chan!
**[14:55] Oso**
This rocks.
**[15:02] Nyaa**
Come at me!
**[15:03] Toto**
I'll murder you!
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
**[15:05] Choro**
Wh-Why?
**[15:11] Mom**
There we go.
**[15:17] Mom**
What? They're all gone.
**[15:20] Mom**
Hey, NEETs!
**[15:22] Mom**
Stop eating up our stock
of instant noodles!
**[15:25] Mom**
There's no end to this.
**[15:27] Oso**
Well, we get hungry.
**[15:28] Mom**
Then eat the food I make for you.
**[15:31] Oso**
We do, and we're still hungry.
**[15:33] Mom**
I guess that's normal for your age,
but you've been eating too much lately.
**[15:38] Mom**
Some of you are sneaking one or
two in the middle of the night, too.
**[15:41] Mom**
Don't think I don't know.
**[15:42] Mom**
No instant noodles for you boys for a while.
**[15:44] All**
What?!
**[15:45] Mom**
Break that rule, and I'm not buying any more.
**[15:47] All**
What?!
**[15:48] Mom**
Our budget is on the rocks already
since we have to feed all six of you.
**[15:52] Mom**
Is that clear?
**[15:54] Oso**
What an awful mother.
**[15:56] Choro**
That miser.
**[16:09] Oso**
It's no use. I'm so hungry, I can't sleep.
**[16:12] Jyushi**
Likewise.
**[16:13] Kara**
Likewise.
**[16:17] Choro**
Hey, where are you going?
**[16:19] Oso**
I'm gonna have some instant noodles.
**[16:20] Choro**
You can't. We promised Mom, remember?
**[16:23] Oso**
Don't worry. She won't find
out if I eat it super fast.
**[16:27] Oso**
Wanna come with, Ichimatsu-chan?
**[16:29] Ichi**
I already brushed my teeth.
**[16:30] Oso**
You, Karamatsu?
**[16:31] Kara**
Here we go!
**[16:32] Oso**
Totty?
**[16:33] Todo**
Meh, my laziness is winning right now.
**[16:36] Oso**
What about you?
**[16:37] Choro**
I'm coming.
**[16:38] Oso**
Are you now?
**[16:40] Oso**
All right, let's go.
**[16:41] Both**
Yeah.
**[16:44] Jyushi**
Hey, I wanna go, too.
**[16:45] Choro**
No, you can't come with us.
**[16:47] Jyushi**
What?! Why not?!
**[16:48] All**
Shh!
**[16:49] Choro**
Don't yell, you moron!
**[16:50] Jyushi**
But why not? I'm going, too.
**[16:53] Choro**
If you come, we'll get caught.
You'll do something to blow our cover.
**[16:56] Jyushi**
I won't! I promise!
**[16:58] Choro**
No!
**[16:59] Jyushi**
Karamatsu-niisan...
**[17:01] Kara**
Brother...
**[17:03] Kara**
Get your ass back in bed!
**[17:05] Jyushi**
What?! You're not the real Karamatsu-niisan!
**[17:07] Choro**
Well, grub is involved.
**[17:10] Kara**
Yeah, grub is involved.
**[17:12] Oso**
Hey, let's go. I'm starving here.
**[17:15] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, don't do
anything to blow our cover.
**[17:17] Jyushi**
Okay!
**[17:19] Oso**
Shh!
**[17:19] All**
Shh!
**[17:28] Oso**
Hey! Quit making so much noise!
**[17:30] Choro**
That was you, jackass.
**[17:31] Oso**
Oh, right.
**[17:32] Oso**
Shh!
**[17:33] All**
Shh!
**[17:36] Oso**
I said stop making so much noise!
**[17:38] Choro**
And again, that was you, jackass.
**[17:41] Oso**
Hey!
**[17:41] Choro**
It's you, jackass! Get going already!
**[17:44] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan...
**[17:46] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:47] Jyushi**
Don't blow our cover. I'll kill you.
**[17:50] Oso**
Wow, looks like he put me in my place.
**[17:52] Kara**
Osomatsu, I'll lead the way.
**[17:55] Oso**
Oh, really?
**[17:57] Kara**
Shh!
**[17:58] All**
Shh!
**[18:05] Choro**
Hey, what are you doing,
Karamatsu? Keep moving!
**[18:08] Kara**
Wh-What is this? My foot...
**[18:11] Kara**
It's birdlime!
**[18:13] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:18] Choro**
Karamatsu!
**[18:19] Jyushi**
Karamatsu-niisan!
**[18:20] Choro**
You okay? Wake up!
**[18:22] Oso**
The hell is this? Who would do such a thing?
**[18:30] choro**
It was Mom.
**[18:33] Choro**
This is a trap Mom set for us.
***SIGN*** Matsuyo's Trap
**[18:43] All**
Damn it. Curse you, Matsuyo!
**[18:46] Choro**
Rest in peace, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[18:51] Choro**
Let's go.
**[18:52] All**
Yeah!
**[18:56] Sign**
Stop
***SIGN*** Don't
do it
***SIGN*** Turn
back
***SIGN*** Treasure
your lives
**[19:07] Choro**
What's that?
**[19:09] Choro**
Whoa! Kuri manju!
**[19:11] Choro**
Hey, look! Look! Kuri manju!
**[19:13] Choro**
They look so good!
**[19:14] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[19:15] Oso**
Wait! You aren't...
**[19:16] Choro**
Yay!
**[19:17] Both**
You fool!
**[19:18] Jyushi**
That's just a drawing!
**[19:18] Choro**
Yay! Kuri manju! Kuri—
**[19:26] Mom**
Kuri manju hits the spot when
you're just a little hungry.
**[19:31] Jyushi**
Choromatsu-niisan...
**[19:33] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan, we can't do this!
**[19:35] Jyushi**
Let's turn back!
**[19:36] Oso**
Huh? Turn back?
**[19:38] Jyushi**
We're no match for Mom!
**[19:40] Oso**
You fool!
**[19:43] Oso**
Who cares if two of our brothers just died?
**[19:47] Oso**
Is that enough for you to give up
**[19:48] Oso**
on the OP deliciousness known
as late-night instant noodles?
**[19:52] Oso**
And you call yourself a NEET?
**[19:56] jyushi**
I'm... I'm a NEET!
**[19:59] Oso**
Well said.
**[20:01] Jyushi**
I won't waver anymore.
**[20:03] Jyushi**
Thanks, King of NEETs-niisan.
**[20:06] Oso**
You're welcome.
**[20:08] Oso**
All right, let's go.
**[20:09] Jyushi**
Okay.
**[20:11] Oso**
But be careful. I'm sure
Mom has other traps set.
**[20:15] Oso**
Of course, as the eldest,
I'm gonna find all of them.
**[20:18] Jyushi**
Huh?!
**[20:20] Jyushi**
Nii-san!
**[20:23] Mom**
And the brains of the operation is gone.
It's only a matter of time now.
**[20:35] Mom**
Wh-What?
**[20:44] Mom**
Tch. You just don't give up.
**[21:11] Both**
Hey!
**[21:36] Mom**
It looks like I underestimated you boys.
***SIGN*** Porky
Udon
***SIGN*** Chicky
Ramen
**[21:41] Mom**
To think you actually made it...
You've grown so much,
**[21:44] Mom**
my NEETs.
***SIGN*** Porky Udon
***SIGN*** Iyami Ramen
**[21:47] All**
Heck yeah! We did it!
**[21:50] All**
We won!
**[21:51] Todo**
Hurry up! I'm starving!
**[21:53] Ichi**
Let's eat.
**[21:56] Jyushi**
Yay!
**[22:13] Matsu**
I'm taking you down with me.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "The Way Home" etc.
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
# E5 - The Way Home
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY4G29006/the-way-home)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Well, Yeah..."
**[02:24] Jyu**
Hey...
**[02:26] Jyu**
Don't you think Totty's
been acting weird lately?
**[02:29] Ichi**
Huh? Oh, yeah... I wonder
if something happened.
**[02:33] Jyu**
Let's ask him.
**[02:34] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[02:36] Jyu**
Go ahead.
**[02:36] Ichi**
Huh? Me?!
**[02:38] Jyu**
Go ahead.
**[02:39] Ichi**
You cheater...
**[02:43] Ichi**
Todomatsu.
**[02:45] Ichi**
What's up? Did something happen?
**[02:52] Ichi**
Huh?
**[02:56] Ichi**
Todomatsu, your voice.
**[03:00] Ichi**
No, really, it's not coming out.
**[03:05] Ichi**
There's no sound coming out.
Why? Is everything okay?
**[03:15] Ichi**
What?!
**[03:16] Jyu**
There's someone you like?!
**[03:18] Todo**
Shh!
**[03:19] Jyu**
Seriously?
**[03:21] ---**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Drugs
***SIGN*** Matsumi
**[03:30] Ichi**
Wh-Which one?
**[03:34] Ichi**
Nothing's coming out.
**[03:37] Todo**
Sorry. It's her.
**[03:38] Todo**
See? Right over there.
***SIGN*** Satozaki
**[03:44] Ichi**
She's pretty.
**[03:45] Jyu**
She's pretty.
**[03:47] Ichi**
Why did you end up liking her?
How'd it happen?
***SIGN*** 5x the Points
***SIGN*** Tea
**[03:50] Todo**
Well, she rang me up recently.
**[03:57] Todo**
Usually, when they give you change,
**[03:58] Todo**
they just randomly toss it
into your hand with one hand.
**[04:02] Both**
Yeah.
**[04:04] Todo**
And yet, that lovely lady gently
cupped my hand with hers
**[04:08] Todo**
and then used both hands to squeeze mine.
**[04:10] Ichi**
Huh? Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[04:13] Ichi**
Sh-She used both hands... and squeezed?
**[04:15] Todo**
Yup. She used both hands... and squeezed.
**[04:20] Ichi**
She used both hands... and squeezed.
**[04:22] Todo**
She used both hands...
**[04:24] Ichi**
...and squeezed.
**[04:27] Todo**
And that was the moment I realized...
**[04:29] Todo**
Oh, my God! I love her!
**[04:32] Ichi**
I see! I see, I see, I see!
**[04:36] Jyu**
*And there it is.*
**[04:37] Jyu**
* Falling in love with a person just from*
* hearing someone else's experience...*
**[04:41] Jyu**
* I call it the "Virgins Tend to Fall in Love*
* With People Just Because They Were*
**[04:45] Jyu**
*Nice to Them Once" phenomenon.*
**[04:46] Todo**
And, and, get this!
I think she likes me, too!
**[04:52] Ichi**
Huh? What makes you think that?
**[04:54] Todo**
That day, I was hung over,
and I just felt like shit at the store.
**[04:58] Todo**
Then the nice lady came over, asked if
I was okay, and gently rubbed my back.
**[05:03] Ichi**
Wow, she touched you.
**[05:05] Todo**
And then she asked me what I usually ate,
**[05:08] Todo**
what my daily rhythm was like, and just
kept asking stuff about my private life!
**[05:12] Ichi**
Your private life?!
**[05:14] Todo**
That totally proves she's
interested in me too, right?
**[05:16] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[05:17] Jyu**
*No, that's just customer service...*
**[05:19] Todo**
And every time we meet, she greets me!
**[05:22] Ichi**
What?!
**[05:22] Jyushi**
*Customer service.*
**[05:23] Todo**
She even gave me a present!
**[05:25] Ichi**
A present?!
**[05:26] Jyushi**
*Samples, my guy.*
**[05:27] Todo**
She even gave me a card with
a message on it as I was leaving!
**[05:29] Ichi**
A card?!
**[05:31] Jyushi**
*It's called a point card.*
**[05:32] Todo**
Isn't that amazing?!
I totally have a chance, don't I?
**[05:35] Ichi**
Yeah, you totally do.
**[05:37] Todo**
So I've just been trying
to figure out what to do.
**[05:39] Todo**
Should I just ask her out on a date already?
**[05:43] Ichi**
Well...
**[05:44] Ichi**
Ask her out?
**[05:45] Todo**
This is so hard...
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[05:49] Choro**
What?! There's someone you like?!
**[05:52] Kara**
Seriously? Who is it?
**[05:54] Todo**
Jeez, you have a big mouth.
No teasing me, okay?
**[05:58] Todo**
I'm serious about this.
**[05:59] Choro**
So who is it? Who? Who?
**[06:03] Todo**
A lady who works at the drug
store in the shopping district.
**[06:06] Choro**
Drug store?
**[06:08] Todo**
You know, Akatsuka Drugs. She works there.
**[06:13] Oso**
Huh... Is she sexy?
**[06:15] Todo**
Stop.
**[06:16] Oso**
Did she say anything about me?
**[06:18] Todo**
Why would she? She doesn't know you.
**[06:21] Choro**
Introduce your big brother next time.
**[06:23] Todo**
That's definitely not happening!
**[06:25] Todo**
Why do you guys keep saying stuff like that?!
**[06:30] Choro**
What?! You like her too, Karamatsu?!
**[06:34] Kara**
Shh!
**[06:39] Choro**
You mean the one Todomatsu
was talking about, right?
**[06:41] Choro**
The one who works at the drug store?
**[06:47] Kara**
I never thought we'd fall
for the same person.
**[06:50] Choro**
Why'd you fall in love with her?
**[06:53] Kara**
Well, she rang me up the other day.
**[06:58] Choro**
Yeah?
***SIGN*** You know the rest
**[07:01] Choro**
I see... I see.
**[07:04] Choro**
I see, I see.
**[07:06] Choro**
Of course you would fall for her.
She used both hands and squeezed.
**[07:10] Kara**
Yes. She used both hands and squeezed.
**[07:13] Choro**
She used both hands and...
**[07:14] Both**
...squeezed.
**[07:17] Kara**
And, and... I think she
has feelings for me, too!
**[07:22] Choro**
Really? Why's that?
**[07:24] Kara**
When I was feeling really
shitty from a hangover...
***SIGN*** You know the rest
**[07:29] Kara**
Isn't that insane?
I totally have a chance, don't I?!
**[07:32] Choro**
Yeah, totally!
**[07:35] Kara**
But when I think about Todomatsu...
**[07:40] Choro**
That's hard.
**[07:42] Kara**
Yeah.
**[07:43] Kara**
I never imagined this would happen.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Drugs
***SIGN*** Matsumi
***SIGN*** 5x the Points
**[08:51] Kara**
H-Hey, Totty. What's up?
**[08:57] Kara**
How are things going with her?
**[08:59] Kara**
Don't mess this up. I've got your back.
**[09:05] Todo**
You like her too, don't you,
Karamatsu-niisan?
**[09:08] Kara**
Huh?! N-No! Wh-What the
heck are you talking about?
**[09:11] Kara**
Of course I don't...
**[09:12] Todo**
How much do you suck at acting?
**[09:14] Todo**
Of course I can tell.
Why did you hide it from me?
**[09:19] Todo**
Do you feel bad that we
fell for the same person?
**[09:23] Todo**
Did you hold back?
**[09:24] Todo**
Did you really think that'd make me happy?
**[09:28] Kara**
No...
**[09:33] Todo**
Listen, Karamatsu-niisan.
Let me just say one thing.
**[09:38] Todo**
Thanks. You're a lifesaver.
**[09:40] Todo**
Totty's super happy right now.
**[09:43] Kara**
Huh?
**[09:43] Todo**
Seriously, sacrificing your own happiness
for the sake of your cute littlest brother's?
**[09:47] Todo**
That's great, man. Huge props.
**[09:49] Todo**
Keep up the good work.
**[09:51] Kara**
Huh?
**[09:51] Todo**
Make sure you totally forget
about her. It's a promise, yeah?
**[09:56] Todo**
Thanks, dude. See ya.
**[09:57] Kara**
Wha?! T-T-Totty, wait!
**[10:03] Todo**
What's up?
**[10:04] Kara**
No! That's not how I pictured this at all!
**[10:07] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:07] Kara**
I mean, the way this
conversation usually goes...
**[10:11] Kara**
I mean, usually...
**[10:12] Kara**
"I see... You like the same person
I do, but you just couldn't tell me
**[10:17] Kara**
because you wanted to spare my feelings.
**[10:20] Kara**
Sorry about that. But from now on,
don't worry. Just be true to yourself."
**[10:25] Kara**
That's how it usually goes!
**[10:26] Kara**
I was expecting that kindness from you!
**[10:29] Todo**
Yeah, I couldn't understand any of that.
**[10:32] Todo**
I mean, the fewer nuisances
to worry about, the better.
**[10:35] Kara**
Wha... That's really how you're doing this?
**[10:39] Kara**
All right, fine.
**[10:40] Kara**
I really like her, too!
**[10:44] Kara**
So I'm not gonna give her up.
**[10:46] Todo**
Huh?! But you just said...
**[10:48] Kara**
That doesn't count anymore!
**[10:49] Todo**
You can't fall in love with her!
**[10:51] Kara**
Like I care!
**[10:53] Todo**
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
**[10:54] Kara**
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
**[10:55] Todo**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[10:56] Kara**
Like I friggin' care!
**[11:00] Ichi**
Where are those two?
**[11:10] Todo**
She was nice to me even
though I'm a piece of shit.
**[11:15] Todo**
It made me really happy.
**[11:17] Kara**
You're not the only one.
**[11:19] Todo**
She'd look me in the eyes
and smile and touch me...
**[11:23] Todo**
It made me really happy!
**[11:24] Kara**
You're not the only one.
**[11:26] Todo**
I can't let you have her.
I'm head over heels for her!
**[11:30] Kara**
You're not the only one.
**[11:33] Todo**
Since it's come to this, we're gonna have
to fight fair and square, Karamatsu.
**[11:37] Kara**
That's right, Todomatsu.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Drugs
***SIGN*** Matsumi
**[12:23] Kara**
Well, yeah...
**[12:25] Todo**
Well, yeah...
**[12:28] Kara**
Well, yeah...
**[12:30] Todo**
Well, yeah...
***SIGN*** Adult
**[12:32] Kara**
Well, yeah...
***SIGN*** Adult
**[12:34] Todo**
Well, yeah...
**[12:36] Kara**
Well, yeah.
**[12:37] Todo**
Well, yeah...
**[12:40] Kara**
Well... yeah...
**[12:42] Todo**
Well, yeah...
**[12:44] Kara**
Well, yeah...
**[12:45] Todo**
Well, yeah.
**[12:47] Kara**
Well, yeah?!
**[12:49] Todo**
Well, yeah!
**[12:50] Kara**
Well, yeah!
**[12:51] Todo**
Well, yeah!
***SIGN*** End
**[13:08] All**
Well, yeah...
**[13:17] Choro**
Hey, so... is this the right way?
**[13:20] Choro**
Where exactly are we headed right now?
***SIGN*** "The Way Home"
**[13:22] Oso**
The station, right?
**[13:23] Choro**
Yeah, but... is the station this way?
**[13:25] Oso**
I dunno.
**[13:26] Choro**
Huh?
**[13:27] Kara**
Me, neither.
**[13:28] All**
Yeah, no idea.
**[13:30] Choro**
What? No one checked which way
to go, and we're just walking?
**[13:35] Oso**
We're fine. The station is this way.
We'll get there if we keep walking.
**[13:39] Choro**
Are you sure?
**[13:41] Oso**
Call it your oldest brother's intuition.
**[13:42] Kara**
That's the last thing we should believe.
**[13:45] Choro**
I'm even more worried now.
**[13:51] Ichi**
That food was really good.
**[13:53] Todo**
It sure was.
**[13:55] Todo**
Foie gras, was it? What exactly is that?
**[13:57] Kara**
It was pork, right?
**[13:59] Ichi**
What? Pork?
**[14:01] Kara**
Wait, am I wrong?
**[14:03] Ichi**
Wrong.
**[14:04] Jyushi**
Karamatsu-niisan, that was beef.
**[14:06] All**
What?
**[14:08] Jyushi**
Huh? Am I wrong?
**[14:09] Oso**
You are. You two have such
unsophisticated palates.
**[14:14] Oso**
That's poultry, isn't it, Ichimatsu?
**[14:16] Ichi**
Yup, sure is. But I can't
remember what kind of bird.
**[14:20] Oso**
Yeah... I can't remember, either.
**[14:22] Ichi**
Just start naming off some birds.
**[14:26] Todo**
Parrot.
**[14:27] Kara**
Eagle.
**[14:28] Oso**
Hawk.
**[14:29] Choro**
Owl.
**[14:29] Jyushi**
The Blue Jays!
**[14:32] Todo**
Woodpecker.
**[14:34] Kara**
Swallow.
**[14:35] Oso**
Crested ibis.
**[14:35] Choro**
Flamingo.
**[14:36] Jyushi**
Cardinals!
**[14:39] Todo**
Crane.
**[14:40] Kara**
Seagull.
**[14:41] Oso**
Swan.
**[14:41] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[14:46] Ichi**
Now I remember.
**[14:47] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu?
**[14:48] Ichi**
It's ostrich.
**[14:49] All**
Ostrich?
**[14:50] Kara**
What? But it's pork, isn't it?
**[14:52] Oso**
It's not pork. Why don't
you run on ahead already?
**[14:56] Todo**
Can I look it up?
**[14:57] Choro**
Go for it.
**[14:59] Todo**
Let's see...
**[15:02] Todo**
Oh, here we go. It's goose.
**[15:04] Oso**
It's goose?
**[15:05] All**
Huh...
**[15:06] Todo**
It's the goose's liver. They feed
it lots to make it nice and fat.
**[15:11] Choro**
And that's what foie gras is?
**[15:12] Todo**
Yup, foie gras.
**[15:13] Oso**
I've never had anything like that before.
**[15:15] Jyushi**
Me, too. Everything looked super expensive.
**[15:19] Kara**
But the portions sucked.
**[15:21] Choro**
Yeah... I ended up eating so much bread.
**[15:24] Oso**
We should've gotten yakiniku.
**[15:26] Ichi**
Ah, so it was goose.
I always get those two mixed up.
**[15:38] Jyushi**
So they're married. Isn't that amazing?
**[15:47] Jyushi**
Hey, guys...
**[15:48] Oso**
It sure was something when they walked in.
**[15:51] Oso**
The bride and groom's entry, I mean.
**[15:53] Oso**
He was so damn nervous.
**[15:56] Kara**
His eyes were darting around everywhere.
**[15:58] Todo**
And he was frozen from nerves.
**[16:00] Choro**
Yeah. He was moving like I used to.
**[16:05] Oso**
And now you've made that your shtick.
**[16:07] Choro**
Yes.
**[16:08] Todo**
How can they even do that?
**[16:11] Ichi**
It's so embarrassing, I'd die.
**[16:12] Todo**
Right?
**[16:20] Jyushi**
That's the first time we were
all invited to one, right?
**[16:23] Choro**
Yeah, it was.
**[16:25] Jyushi**
I thought this kind of stuff
wouldn't happen until later on,
**[16:29] Jyushi**
but one of our classmates finally did it.
**[16:32] Jyushi**
But I guess we're...
**[16:33] Oso**
Wasn't his wife sexy?
**[16:36] Oso**
You know. Her shoulders were
completely exposed. Did you see?
**[16:39] Todo**
I couldn't stop looking. She was super sexy.
**[16:42] Ichi**
Her clavicle?
**[16:43] Oso**
Her clavicle.
**[16:44] Jyushi**
Her nape?
**[16:44] Kara**
Her nape!
**[16:45] Todo**
Her cleavage?
**[16:46] All**
Yeh.
**[16:48] Choro**
Where the hell were you guys
looking during the wedding?
**[16:51] Kara**
Man, those two are banging every night.
**[16:53] Choro**
Hey!
**[16:54] Ichi**
Of course they are. I mean,
they probably already were.
**[16:56] Oso**
I know, right?
**[16:58] Oso**
The thing I always think
about at weddings is like,
**[17:00] Oso**
"Oh, yeah. They're totally banging. Wow."
**[17:04] Oso**
And for that feat, they deserve a...
**[17:05] All**
...congratulations!
**[17:07] Choro**
What the hell are you guys celebrating?
**[17:10] Choro**
For crying out loud...
**[17:49] Jyushi**
Hey, how was it for you guys?
**[17:52] Ichi**
How was what?
**[17:53] Jyushi**
The wedding.
**[17:55] Ichi**
Huh?
**[17:57] Jyushi**
I was just wondering if
you guys felt anything.
**[18:00] Jyushi**
You know. Any thoughts?
**[18:03] Kara**
I just thought it was amazing.
**[18:06] Kara**
I mean, marriage? I can't even imagine it.
**[18:10] Todo**
Yeah...
**[18:12] Jyushi**
I wonder if we're gonna
get married someday, too.
**[18:15] All**
Huh?
**[18:18] Choro**
Well, I mean... probably?
**[18:20] Choro**
I'm not exactly sure, but...
**[18:21] Jyushi**
What? You're gonna get married,
Choromatsu-niisan?
**[18:24] Choro**
Huh? Well, yeah... someday.
**[18:28] Jyushi**
Huh...
**[18:30] Choro**
Wait, aren't you guys?
**[18:35] Jyushi**
I dunno.
**[18:37] Todo**
But it feels pretty lonely if we don't, yeah?
**[18:40] Todo**
Living your whole life alone.
**[18:42] Ichi**
Huh... I guess even you
think about that stuff.
**[18:45] Todo**
Well, yeah. I am human, after all.
**[18:48] Jyu**
I want a kid.
**[18:50] Choro**
Seriously?
**[18:51] Jyu**
Yeah.
**[18:52] Ichi**
Even though you're a kid yourself?
**[18:54] Jyu**
You're the last person I want to
hear that from, Ichimatsu-kun.
**[18:57] Kara**
Well, I mean... I'd want a Junior, myself.
**[19:00] Oso**
Me, too. Kids are great.
**[19:03] Choro**
Yeah.
**[19:05] Todo**
They sure are.
**[19:06] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[19:09] Ichi**
Marriage, huh?
**[19:12] Ichi**
I wonder why people do it.
**[19:14] Ichi**
Does something good happen when you do?
**[19:22] Oso**
Before we even consider marriage,
I don't think I could live with someone.
**[19:27] Oso**
I mean, even if I like them... living with them?
**[19:30] Ichi**
And that goes on forever.
**[19:33] Oso**
That's just it. It's forever.
**[19:36] Oso**
Like, for real?
**[19:37] Kara**
And he actually decided to do that.
**[19:41] Kara**
Man, that is amazing.
**[19:42] Oso**
Yeah... It's unbelievable.
**[19:44] Choro**
Something must've made him go for it.
**[19:47] Choro**
To spend the rest of his life with her.
To start a family with her.
**[19:51] Oso**
When do you make that decision?
**[19:53] Oso**
And why?
**[19:54] Choro**
It just means they both
love each other that much.
**[19:58] Oso**
*That* much?
**[19:59] Choro**
Well, yeah. They got married.
**[20:02] Oso**
Huh...
**[20:03] Jyushi**
Didn't they want to wait a little longer?
**[20:06] Todo**
Huh?
**[20:07] Jyushi**
Well, I mean... there are so
many women in the world.
**[20:11] Jyushi**
Wouldn't you want to meet as many
as possible and find the best one?
**[20:15] Kara**
I hear you.
**[20:16] Kara**
You wanna go for the best one after
going through all the possibilities.
**[20:22] Todo**
Well, they got married because
she was the best one for him.
**[20:25] Jyushi**
I guess he likes her that much.
**[20:27] Todo**
Yeah, they got married.
**[20:30] Jyushi**
I see.
**[20:32] Oso**
That's pretty amazing.
**[20:33] Kara**
Yeah.
**[20:37] Choro**
I wonder how it was for Mom and Dad.
**[20:40] Choro**
They never really talk
about stuff like that.
**[20:43] Choro**
They got married, she got pregnant,
**[20:46] Choro**
and when she finally gave birth,
she ended up with six of us.
**[20:48] Choro**
That's six at once.
**[20:50] Choro**
Isn't that the worst?
**[20:51] Ichi**
It sure is.
**[20:53] Todo**
Inconceivable.
**[20:54] Jyushi**
That's way too many at once.
**[20:55] Kara**
Talk about an impossibly hard game.
**[20:56] Oso**
Six? Gag me.
**[20:59] Jyushi**
I wonder if it was rough.
**[21:01] Ichi**
Well, it had to be.
**[21:02] Ichi**
Not that I'd have any idea.
**[21:04] Todo**
I wonder if they struggled with money, too.
**[21:06] Kara**
Probably. Not that I'd know.
**[21:09] Oso**
Well, that hasn't changed.
**[21:11] Choro**
Yeah. That's still going on.
**[21:14] Choro**
Wait, even now?!
**[21:16] Choro**
This shouldn't be going
on anymore, gentlemen.
**[21:19] Choro**
How much more trouble are we
going to cause our parents?
**[21:21] Choro**
Get a grip, will ya?
**[21:23] Oso**
That goes for you, too.
**[21:25] Choro**
Yes!
**[21:30] Sign**
Stop
**[21:36] Choro**
Man, I'm beat.
**[21:40] Ichi**
Same...
**[21:43] Jyushi**
I am, too.
**[21:46] Todo**
What's going to happen to us?
**[21:50] Kara**
Dunno.
**[21:51] Oso**
No idea at all.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:29] Kara**
It's me, Karamatsu.
**[23:30] Kara**
The next *Mr. Osomatsu* is a 3-parter.
**[23:33] Kara**
"Touter," "Optimization," and "Massage."
**[23:36] Kara**
Did you see the common theme?
**[23:39] Kara**
One more time...
**[23:40] Kara**
"Touter"... "Optimization"...
**[23:43] Kara**
and "Massage."
**[23:45] Kara**
To everyone who just imagined
something pervy...
***SIGN*** "Touter" "Optimization" "Massage"
**[23:48] Kara**
The hell's wrong with you, man?
**[23:51] Kara**
There is no theme! Not at all!
# E6 - Touter / Optimization / Massage
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6DV0Q4W6/touter--optimization--massage)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Gonpachi
**[00:07] Oso**
Thanks for the grub.
***SIGN*** "Touter"
**[00:12] Kara**
Should we just head back
to the hotel tonight?
**[00:15] Oso**
Yeah... We've got a meeting tomorrow.
***SIGN*** Free Guide
***SIGN*** Trustworthy and Safe
**[00:20] Iyami**
Ah, there you are, Mr. President.
**[00:23] Iyami**
Me was born into this world to serve you!
**[00:27] Iyami**
Me has been waiting for you
in this cold for so long!
**[00:30] Iyami**
Me is so happy to have finally found you!
**[00:34] Iyami**
Are you gentlemen from Tokyo?
**[00:36] Iyami**
You're not, are ya?
**[00:38] Iyami**
You must be on a business trip!
**[00:40] Iyami**
You need to have a night on
the town in the big city, then!
**[00:45] Iyami**
Our place is super cheap!
**[00:48] Iyami**
It's just a whopping 3,000 yen! Sheeeh!
**[00:53] Iyami**
It's just a whopping 2,000 yen! Sheeeh!
**[00:57] Iyami**
A whopping 1,000 yen! Sheeeh!
**[01:03] Iyami**
Everyone at our place is super cute!
And they're not wearing any clothes!
**[01:08] Iyami**
Sh-Sh... Sheeeh!
**[01:12] Oso**
Huh? They're not wearing clothes?
**[01:15] Both**
For real?!
**[01:16] Kara**
Is that even allowed?
**[01:19] Iyami**
Me can't say this very loudly...
**[01:23] Iyami**
but they're only wearing underpants.
**[01:24] Both**
What?!
**[01:25] Oso**
Just underpants?!
**[01:26] Iyami**
Shh!
**[01:26] Kara**
Oh, man...
**[01:28] Iyami**
Their boobies are completely exposed.
**[01:29] Oso**
Completely exposed?!
So we can get an eyeful?
**[01:31] Oso**
So... what kind of underpants
are they wearing?
**[01:33] Iyami**
They have light blue and green stripes.
**[01:35] Kara**
That's super cute! What do they look like?
**[01:38] Iyami**
Plump and juicy.
**[01:39] Kara**
Nice!
**[01:40] Iyami**
They're charming and have soft, fair skin.
**[01:43] Kara**
Nice!
**[01:44] Iyami**
They also speak this cutesy dialect.
**[01:47] Oso**
Ooh, I love when they speak in dialects!
**[01:49] Kara**
Me, too!
**[01:52] Oso**
You're not lying about any of this, are you?
**[01:55] Iyami**
Me would never lie!
**[01:57] Kara**
Are you sure?
**[01:58] Iyami**
Me has said nothing but the truth.
**[02:01] Kara**
What are the other ones like?
**[02:03] Iyami**
We actually have a master
technician in today.
**[02:07] Both**
Technician?
**[02:08] Kara**
What do you mean?
**[02:09] Iyami**
They are known as... the Vacuum Demon!
**[02:12] Both**
Vacuum?!
**[02:13] Oso**
Uh, is that okay?!
What kind of place is this?!
**[02:15] Iyami**
They suck so hard,
they can suck anything down.
**[02:17] Both**
Oh, shit!
**[02:18] Iyami**
Their ability to suck is otherworldly.
**[02:21] Kara**
That's a bit scary.
**[02:23] Iyami**
You could say their mouth was made for that.
**[02:25] Oso**
Their mouth was made for that?
Wait, what are you saying?
**[02:27] Iyami**
You're curious, aren't you?
You should experience it at least once.
**[02:32] Iyami**
Two other treasures we have today...
**[02:34] Oso**
There's more?!
**[02:38] Iyami**
Legal lolis.
**[02:39] Both**
Say what?!
**[02:40] Iyami**
They look like children, but they're
definitely over twenty, so no worries.
**[02:45] Iyami**
One of them doesn't have any hair at all!
**[02:48] Kara**
No hair?!
**[02:49] Iyami**
Silky smooth.
**[02:50] Kara**
Silky smooth?!
**[02:51] Iyami**
You wanna see, don't you?
**[02:52] Kara**
You bet I do!
**[02:53] Iyami**
The other one's got a flag rammed in.
**[02:56] Both**
A flag?!
**[02:57] Oso**
Why a flag?! What's it even for?!
**[02:59] Kara**
Is it a fashion statement,
or does it just feel good?
**[03:01] Iyami**
That flag's basically rammed in 24/7.
**[03:05] Oso**
It's rammed in 24/7?!
**[03:07] Oso**
Doesn't it get in the way?
Doesn't it hit anything?
**[03:09] Kara**
No idea, but I sure wanna see!
**[03:11] Iyami**
Well, wanna have a go at our place?
**[03:15] Both**
Yeah!
**[03:16] Iyami**
Then that'll be...
**[03:18] Iyami**
20,000 yen apiece.
**[03:19] Both**
Huh?
**[03:20] Iyami**
There are two of you,
so that'll be 40,000 yen.
**[03:26] Oso**
Hey, wait!
**[03:27] Kara**
We'll pay! Please!
**[03:29] Iyami**
Thanks for your payment!
**[03:32] Iyami**
We've got two coming in!
**[03:34] Both**
Yay!
**[03:36] Dekapan**
Hoeh, I'll show you a good time.
**[03:39] Dayon**
I'll suck you dry!
**[03:41] Chibi**
Silky smooth, buddy!
**[03:42] Hata**
I've got a flag, jo.
**[03:47] Iyami**
You folks should also be careful
at night in the big city! Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Optimization"
**[05:40] Both**
Choromatsu-san.
**[05:43] Choro**
Hey, thanks!
**[05:45] Salmon**
Are you happy?
**[05:47] Choro**
Huh?
**[05:48] Ume**
Are you satisfied?
**[05:51] Choro**
Yeah, you're a big help.
**[05:56] Choro**
Wow! You're going all-out!
**[06:08] Todo**
Man, this is rough. And a bit embarrassing.
**[06:13] Plum**
Here you go.
**[06:15] Todo**
Thanks.
**[06:17] Kara**
Ah, Brothers, you're here.
**[06:20] Kara**
I love you, as always.
**[06:25] Kara**
Ah!
**[06:32] Kara**
No need to get too exci—
**[06:55] Kara**
These adorable jerks.
**[06:56] Choro**
Yeah, they're so brilliant.
**[06:58] Jyushi**
So much fun!
**[06:59] Choro**
They're so efficient.
They're not wasteful at all.
**[07:01] Todo**
They sure are convenient machines.
**[07:03] Jyushi**
He said it again!
**[07:05] Jyushi**
Totty, you probably
shouldn't call them that.
**[07:08] Todo**
What do you mean? Oh, I know.
How about convenient tools?
**[07:11] Todo**
Or possibly hunks of junk that
think and move around a lot?
**[07:13] Jyushi**
Okay, never mind.
**[07:16] Both**
All done!
**[07:20] Kara**
This is great!
**[07:21] Jyushi**
Yum!
**[07:22] Choro**
It's so good!
**[07:23] Todo**
No complaints here!
***SIGN*** How to Make Delicious Yakisoba
***SIGN*** Ingredients
120g thin-sliced bacon 2 packs yakisoba noodles
1/4 onion Yakisoba sauce to taste
2-3 cabbage leaves Aonori and pickled ginger to taste
1/2 bag bean sprouts
***SIGN*** Cut the onion, cabbage, and bacon into bite-size pieces.
***SIGN*** Rinse the noodles and pat
them dry with a paper towel.
**[07:25] Salmon**
We've optimized the balance of
nutrition, seasoning, and appearance
***SIGN*** Heat 1 tbsp. oil in a frying pan
and fry the noodles until golden.
***SIGN*** Clean the frying pan, then add
the bacon and stir-fry.
***SIGN*** Move the meat and veggies to
one side and add the noodles
back into the frying pan.
***SIGN*** Mix sauce in with the meat
and veggies while separating
and cutting up the noodles.
***SIGN*** Transfer to a plate, add aonori
and pickled ginger, and enjoy!
***SIGN*** Breakdown of Balanced Nutrition Data (According to Riceball Research)
**[07:29] Salmon**
using the available ingredients.
**[07:32] Plum**
This is the yakisoba that
most people currently crave.
**[07:35] Four**
Huh...
**[07:37] Salmon**
Are you happy?
**[07:38] Four**
Yup.
**[07:39] Choro**
It's perfect! It's delicious. Thanks.
**[07:50] Oso**
Huh?! You're eating yakisoba? Why?!
**[07:52] Oso**
Hey, you two! Where's mine?
**[07:55] Oso**
Why are you ignoring me?!
**[07:58] Jyushi**
Guess you're just not into the
Riceballs yet, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[08:01] Choro**
Get with the program, dude.
**[08:03] Oso**
Why do I have to be into them?
**[08:06] Oso**
I'm the eldest brother here.
Y'all need to worship me.
**[08:09] Oso**
So, where's my yakisoba?
**[08:12] Salmon**
We've used up all of the ingredients,
so we can't make any more.
**[08:15] Plum**
No more.
**[08:16] Oso**
Show me some VR porn, then.
**[08:19] Oso**
Come on! VR porn! VR porn!
**[08:21] Kara**
Hey, come on.
**[08:21] Oso**
VR porn! VR porn! VR porn!
**[08:23] Todo**
They're gonna break.
**[08:24] Salmon**
Osomatsu is the shittiest brother.
**[08:25] Plum**
Osomatsu is the shittiest brother.
**[08:27] Both**
Shittiest brother, shittiest brother,
shittiest brother, shit.
**[08:30] Oso**
Hey, who taught them that?
**[08:32] Oso**
Wow, all of you? Really?
**[09:15] Toto**
Gah!
**[09:38] Ichi**
Mrow, mrow.
**[09:41] Ichi**
Mrow.
**[10:19] Salmon**
We need him to be happy.
**[10:21] Plum**
We need him to be satisfied.
**[10:28] Todo**
Huh? Those machines aren't here yet?
**[10:31] Choro**
No, they aren't here yet.
**[10:33] Todo**
Man, I was going to have
them brush my teeth for me.
**[10:36] Choro**
You're making them do that, too?!
**[10:38] Choro**
Who died and made you king?
**[10:40] Todo**
Aw, I prefer to be called a prince, personally.
**[10:43] Choro**
Shut up.
**[10:44] Jyushi**
I think the Riceballs will be here soon.
**[10:46] Todo**
Yeah.
**[10:55] Mom**
So I was wondering, where do
those two even come from?
**[11:00] Both**
Dunno.
**[11:17] Both**
Hello!
**[11:20] Ichi**
Wh-What?
**[11:23] Ichi**
Cat expectation values?
**[11:25] Both**
Yes.
***SIGN*** Cat Expectation Values
**[11:26] Both**
Cat expectation values.
**[11:29] Salmon**
We AIs are filled with endless data.
***SIGN*** Cat Expectation Values
**[11:33] Salmon**
We used that data to determine
***SIGN*** Cat Distribution Diagram
**[11:34] Salmon**
the values of likely places cats
might be in this neighborhood
**[11:37] Salmon**
and came up with expectation values.
**[11:39] Plum**
The higher the value, the higher
the chance of running into a cat.
**[11:43] Ichi**
How can you even do that?
**[11:45] Salmon**
We are unsure,
***SIGN*** Cat Distribution Diagram
**[11:47] Salmon**
but the results are definite.
**[11:53] Ichi**
Oh, I see.
**[11:56] Salmon**
You like cats, don't you?
**[11:59] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:00] Plum**
That's what Jyushimatsu-san said.
**[12:03] Ichi**
I-I don't like them that much...
**[12:06] Salmon**
You're not very honest
with yourself, are you?
**[12:08] Ichi**
What?
**[12:09] Plum**
That's what Jyushimatsu-san said.
**[12:12] Ichi**
*That bastard needs to keep his mouth shut.*
**[12:14] Ichi**
* I'm gonna beat the shit out*
* of him when I get home.*
**[12:16] Both**
Ichimatsu-san.
**[12:18] Salmon**
Come along with us...
**[12:20] Plum**
...as we use the cat expectation values...
**[12:21] Salmon**
...to find some cats. Let's go!
**[12:26] Ichi**
No, that's okay.
**[12:27] Both**
Huh?
**[12:28] Ichi**
I'm not really looking for cats.
I'm not even interested.
**[12:35] Salmon**
Are you sure?
**[12:36] Ichi**
I'm sure.
**[12:37] Plum**
Are you being honest?
**[12:38] Ichi**
Yup.
**[12:40] Twins**
I see. Well, then, goodbye.
**[12:46] Ichi**
Say...
**[12:49] Ichi**
Can you really find cats? Like, will we
be able to find some immediately?
***SIGN*** Cat Expectation Values
**[12:55] Salmon**
Would you like to use the
cat expectation values?
**[12:57] Ichi**
No...
**[12:59] Plum**
Don't you want to see any cats?
**[13:00] Ichi**
Not at all.
**[13:02] Twins**
Goodbye.
**[13:04] Ichi**
Um...
**[13:06] Ichi**
You see, I have a lot of time on my hands,
being a NEET and such. Yes.
**[13:11] Ichi**
So if you absolutely insist I go with you,
I guess I wouldn't mind.
**[13:16] Ichi**
Yes, yes, yes.
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[13:22] Twins**
We found one.
**[13:24] Ichi**
Seriously? There actually is one! H-Huh?
**[13:26] Ichi**
But how?
**[13:27] Ichi**
They don't usually come here.
**[13:29] Plum**
They do at this time.
**[13:31] Ichi**
But why?
**[13:32] Plum**
We are unsure.
**[13:34] Plum**
That's just what the cat
expectation values tell us.
**[13:58] Both**
Are you happy?
**[14:02] Ichi**
Uh, yeah.
**[14:04] Plum**
Are you satisfied?
**[14:06] Ichi**
Yes.
**[14:08] Both**
Hooray. Hooray. Hooray.
**[14:11] Both**
Hooray!
***SIGN*** Address Cat Expectation Values Honmachi 2-3-5 95 Honmachi 3-6-12 81 Higashimachi 1-1-11 91 Higashimachi 2-9-8 77 Minamimachi 3-8-42 75
***SIGN*** Address Cat Expectation Values
Honmachi 2-3-5 95
Honmachi 3-6-12 81
Higashimachi 1-1-11 91
Higashimachi 2-9-8 77
Minamimachi 3-8-42 75
Minamimachi 4-5-4 66
***SIGN*** Kitamachi 1-21-8 68 Kitamachi 3-5-17 75 Nakamachi 2-14-5 92 Nakamachi 4-23-16 84 Kamimachi 2-5-13 79
**[15:27] Salmon**
Ichimatsu-san, let's go this way next.
**[15:30] Ume**
This way.
**[15:31] Twins**
We're so glad you're happy.
**[15:33] Plum**
So glad.
**[15:34] Salmon**
Now you don't need to waste
time looking for cats.
**[15:38] Salmon**
Time saved.
**[15:40] Plum**
Optimization!
**[15:44] Ichi**
Hey...
**[15:46] Ichi**
Sorry. I'm done.
**[15:51] Ichi**
You can have this back.
**[15:55] Ichi**
Thanks, but I don't need it anymore.
**[15:58] Ichi**
I'll find them on my own from now on.
**[16:04] Salmon**
I wonder why.
**[16:06] Plum**
I wonder why.
**[16:13] Salmon**
Maybe he doesn't like cats.
**[16:16] Plum**
Maybe he doesn't like us.
**[16:20] Both**
I don't know.
**[16:28] Oso**
Oh, there you are.
***SIGN*** "Massage"
**[16:30] Oso**
You free? Could you give me a massage?
**[16:33] Jyushi**
A massage? Sure.
**[16:35] Oso**
Thanks!
**[16:38] Oso**
All right, have at it.
**[16:39] Jyushi**
Here I go!
**[16:41] Oso**
Sure.
**[16:48] Oso**
That feels great.
**[16:50] Oso**
You're good at this, Jyushimatsu.
**[16:51] Oso**
You're pretty strong.
**[16:54] Oso**
You can dig in a bit more. I'm fine.
**[16:57] Jyushi**
You sure? Like this?
**[17:00] Oso**
Yeah, just like that! That feels so good!
**[17:06] Oso**
Can you do it even harder?
**[17:07] Jyushi**
Harder?
**[17:14] Jyushi**
Wait, doesn't that hurt?
I'm really digging in there.
**[17:18] Oso**
Nope, totally fine... Harder... Harder!
**[17:24] Oso**
Yes! Harder!
**[17:26] Oso**
Whoa, what the hell?!
**[17:28] Jyushi**
Wait, doesn't that hurt?
**[17:29] Oso**
It doesn't! Harder!
**[17:35] Oso**
Yes!
**[17:37] Oso**
It hurts!
**[17:39] Jyushi**
Wait, it hurts?
**[17:40] Oso**
It doesn't hurt!
**[17:41] Jyushi**
You clearly just said it hurt.
**[17:43] Oso**
I'm fine! It feels amazing!
**[17:48] Oso**
More!
**[17:51] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, stop!
**[17:53] Jyushi**
Should I stop?
**[17:54] Oso**
No!
**[17:54] Jyushi**
Which is it?
**[17:55] Oso**
Keep going! It feels so good!
**[17:57] Jyushi**
Are you sure? I'm actually
scared to go any harder.
**[18:01] Oso**
I'm fine! Go harder! Please!
**[18:08] Jyushi**
I'm scared. I'm really scared.
**[18:11] Jyushi**
I'm so scared!
**[18:14] Jyushi**
I'm so scared!
**[18:16] Jyushi**
I wanna stop!
**[18:26] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[18:29] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[18:34] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[18:38] Jyushi**
H-Huh? Huh?
**[18:41] Jyushi**
What?!
**[18:45] Oso**
Man, that felt great!
**[18:48] Oso**
Thanks, Jyushimatsu!
**[18:50] Jyushi**
That was dangerous!
**[18:52] Jyushi**
That was really dangerous, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[18:54] Oso**
That felt amazing. Thanks, Jyushimatsu.
**[18:56] Jyushi**
You're very welcome!
**[18:58] Oso**
Do it one more time.
**[18:59] Jyushi**
No way!
**[19:00] Jyushi**
Absolutely not!
**[19:01] Oso**
Why not?
**[19:02] Jyushi**
I thought you were dead!
That was a really close call!
**[19:06] Oso**
What are you talking about?
No one dies from massages.
**[19:10] Jyushi**
You're right, they don't.
But you almost did!
**[19:13] Oso**
All right, let's continue.
**[19:15] Jyushi**
No way!
**[19:16] Oso**
Hurry up.
**[19:17] Jysuhi**
Not happening.
**[19:18] Oso**
Why not?
**[19:19] Jyushi**
I don't want to kill you, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[19:22] Oso**
Just one more time. Please.
**[19:26] Oso**
Hurry!
**[19:31] Jyushi**
This is the last time.
**[19:33] Oso**
Sure!
**[19:34] Jyushi**
Also, don't tell me to go
harder anymore. It's scary.
**[19:37] Oso**
You got it!
**[19:38] Jyushi**
Also, no dying.
**[19:40] Oso**
Got it.
**[19:42] Jyushi**
Okay, just one more time.
**[19:45] Jyushi**
Here I go.
**[19:45] Oso**
Thanks!
**[19:48] Oso**
Go harder!
**[19:51] Oso**
Harder!
**[19:53] Oso**
Harder!
**[19:56] Oso**
Holy shit! What is this?!
**[19:58] Oso**
I've never felt this before!
It's totally new!
**[19:59] Jyushi**
I'm scared! I wanna stop!
**[20:02] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[20:03] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[20:05] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[20:06] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[20:08] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[20:09] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[20:16] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[20:18] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[20:21] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[20:26] Jyushi**
There you go again!
Come on, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[20:29] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan, stop messing
around and wake up.
**[20:32] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[20:36] Jyushi**
Huh? Wait, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[20:40] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[20:41] Jyushi**
Hey! Wake up!
**[20:43] Choro**
Keep it down, Jyushimatsu!
**[20:46] Choro**
What are you screaming about?
**[20:49] Choro**
What's wrong?
**[20:57] Choro**
Just keep the noise down, okay?
**[21:07] Jyushi**
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?!
**[21:12] Oso**
Gotcha!
**[21:15] Oso**
Did I scare you, Jyushimatsu?
**[21:19] Oso**
What's with that face? You're such an idiot!
**[21:22] Oso**
I wouldn't die from a massage!
It was just an act!
**[21:30] Jyushi**
That's enough!
**[21:39] Choro**
What's the matter, Jyushimatsu?
Why are you so angry?
**[21:43] Choro**
What?!
**[21:45] Choro**
Wh-What happened in here?
**[21:50] Choro**
Th-That's...
**[21:53] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan...
**[21:55] Choro**
has been murdered.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:29] Choro**
I'm Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[23:31] Choro**
The next episode of *Mr. Osomatsu*
**[23:32] Choro**
will be a tidbits collection
filled with little stories.
**[23:36] Choro**
Whenever you just happen to have
a happy accident in your daily life,
**[23:39] Choro**
please think of me, Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[23:43] Choro**
I'll come see you.
**[23:44] Choro**
What do I mean by a happy accident?
**[23:46] Choro**
Huh? Why are you asking
me something so lewd?!
***SIGN*** "Tidbits Collection 3"
**[23:50] Choro**
Are you a pervert?
**[23:52] Choro**
Come on, now!
# E7 - Tidbits Collection 3
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY9XGPJ36/tidbits-collection-3)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:40] Totty**
Huh?
**[01:41] Chibi**
Yeah, uh, could I get a cut and a dye job?
***SIGN*** "Salon"
**[01:44] Totty**
C-C... Cut?
**[01:46] Totty**
A-And a dye job?
**[01:55] Totty**
P-Pardon me...
**[02:10] Totty**
All done.
**[02:14] Chibi**
Thanks!
**[02:23] Totty**
Is this really okay?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[02:32] Uggo**
Please stop crying.
***SIGN*** "Stand Up"
**[02:33] Uggo**
Mommy will be home soon.
**[02:37] Uggo**
See? Here she is now.
**[02:45] Both**
We're back...
**[02:52] Toto**
She stood up!
**[02:53] Nyaa**
She stood up!
**[02:54] Toto**
Congrats!
**[02:55] Nyaa**
Thanks!
**[02:58] Uggo**
Uh, you guys got the wrong idea.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Totoko
***SIGN*** Nyaa
**[03:12] Totty**
*Houston, this is M36.*
**[03:14] Totty**
*We will be arriving at the ISS momentarily.*
**[03:17] Totty**
*Requesting permission to dock.*
**[03:19] Kara**
*Houston here, roger.*
**[03:21] Kara**
*Permission to dock granted.*
**[03:25] Totty**
Well, it's finally time.
**[03:26] Choro**
Yeah. Everyone back on
Earth is counting on us.
**[03:32] Choro**
And for everyone who supported us...
**[03:36] Choro**
We need to make sure this is a success.
**[03:38] Totty**
Right!
**[03:40] Totty**
I see it!
**[03:41] Choro**
So that must be it.
**[03:42] Totty**
Yes.
**[03:43] Choro**
All right.
**[03:45] Choro**
Prepare for docking.
**[04:00] Totty**
H-Hey, wait a sec! Stop! Stop!
**[04:02] Choro**
What is it?
**[04:03] Totty**
The shapes are totally different!
**[04:05] Totty**
There's no way we can dock!
**[04:09] Choro**
Wait... We've got the right
space station, right?
**[04:12] Totty**
Yes.
**[04:13] Choro**
Hey, Riceballs. Is this the right one?
**[04:15] Omu**
Yes. This is definitely the
correct space station.
**[04:19] Choro**
That's strange. Let's confirm with Houston.
**[04:22] Totty**
Sure.
**[04:23] Choro**
Houston, this is M36. We have an emergency.
**[04:27] Kara**
*What's wrong?*
**[04:28] Choro**
We just got to the space station, but our
connector parts seem completely different.
**[04:35] Kara**
Let me see...
**[04:38] Kara**
Actually, I think you can just make it.
**[04:40] Choro**
*You think so?*
**[04:41] Todo**
*No way.*
**[04:41] Kara**
The key is to tell yourself you can do it!
**[04:43] Choro**
*Good point.*
**[04:44] Todo**
*No, it's not.*
**[04:45] Kara**
* Believe in the strength*
* that lies within you!*
**[04:47] Kara**
*Then a miracle is sure to happen!*
**[04:51] Choro**
All right.
**[04:52] Totty**
What?!
**[04:53] Kara**
*Good luck!*
**[04:54] Todo**
Hey! Stop! Stop!
**[04:57] Todo**
Huh? Are you seriously going to dock?
**[05:00] Choro**
Yeah.
**[05:00] Todo**
It's not going to fit.
**[05:02] Choro**
A miracle will happen if you
just believe in yourself.
**[05:04] Todo**
That's idealism!
**[05:05] Todo**
That's the last thing that works in space!
**[05:07] Choro**
Huh? Then... should we confirm
with Washington, too?
**[05:10] Todo**
Yeah, please do.
**[05:12] Choro**
Washington, this is M36.
**[05:15] Oso**
*'Sup? Did you find some cute aliens?*
**[05:19] Choro**
Let's ask the president.
**[05:20] Todo**
Yeah.
**[05:22] Choro**
White House, this is M36.
**[05:26] Choro**
We can only count on our friends now.
**[05:28] Todo**
Ain't that the truth?
***SIGN*** Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
***SIGN*** Congratulations
on Your
Successful
Mission
**[05:32] All**
Congratulations on your successful mission!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
***SIGN*** Congratulations
on Your
Successful
Mission
**[05:36] Toto**
You're so amazing, Choromatsu-kun!
Todomatsu-kun!
**[05:39] Dad**
We're so proud of you boys!
**[05:41] Mom**
Well done, you two!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
***SIGN*** Congratulations
on Your
Successful
Mission
**[05:44] Jyushi**
* Let's all celebrate once*
* you get back to Earth!*
**[05:48] Todo**
Jeez, they're all really jumping the gun.
**[05:51] Todo**
They already think we succeeded.
**[05:53] Todo**
But what can we do?
**[05:56] Todo**
Let's head back for now
and think this through fully.
**[05:59] Todo**
Huh? Hey, wait!
**[06:01] Choro**
We can't just turn back now.
We have to do this.
**[06:04] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[06:06] Choro**
I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can.
**[06:08] Todo**
No, you can't! Some things
just aren't possible!
**[06:13] Todo**
Wait, it's scraping! It's scraping!
**[06:15] Todo**
It's scraping!
**[06:22] Choro**
Go on! Get in there!
**[06:24] Todo**
This isn't docking anymore!
**[06:26] Choro**
Go on! Get in there!
***SIGN*** END
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[06:43] Iyami**
Me is late...
***SIGN*** "The Night Path"
**[06:45] Iyami**
Me is from France.
Why must me go through this?
**[06:50] Iyami**
It's past 2 AM... What a creepy time.
**[06:53] Iyami**
Me needs to get home fast.
**[06:58] Iyami**
*I-It's a kappa...*
**[07:12] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:13] Iyami**
*It's an azukiarai!*
**[07:15] Hata**
Jo!
**[07:28] Iyami**
*A rokurokubi!*
**[07:39] Iyami**
*An amabie!*
**[07:51] Iyami**
*A nopperabou!*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** The Master of Wit, Chibikyuu
***SIGN*** Episode Director: Kodaka Yoshiki Script: Matsubara Shuu Art: Tamura Seiki
**[08:35] Dayon**
Halt!
***SIGN*** You Shall Not Pass
**[08:38] Dayon**
You can't cross this bridge!
***SIGN*** You Shall Not Pass
**[08:44] Chibi**
Aw, come on.
**[08:46] Osoma**
Chibikyuu-san!
**[09:16] Chibi**
Got it! I won't pass this bridge!
**[09:20] Dayon**
Head on home, then!
**[09:24] Osoma**
Huh? Protein?
**[09:28] Osoma**
Chibikyuu-san?
**[09:39] Osoma**
Wha?!
**[09:51] Osoma**
He's putting his left foot forward before
his right foot reaches the ground,
**[09:54] Osoma**
and his right foot forward before
his left foot reaches the ground.
**[09:57] Osoma**
This is the product of
mastery of leg strength...
**[10:00] Osoma**
"Walking in the Air."
**[10:03] Osoma**
He is clearly not crossing the bridge,
**[10:05] Osoma**
which means no one can complain.
**[10:12] Chibi**
I apologize for the fuss.
**[10:14] Toto**
I-It's all right.
**[10:21] Osoma**
Way to go, Master of Wit!
**[10:25] Toto**
Wit?
**[10:30] Iyami**
Welcome, Chibikyuu-dono.
**[10:32] Iyami**
Karaemon, prepare the goods.
**[10:35] Kara**
Yes, sir.
**[10:37] Hata**
Jo...
**[10:39] Iyami**
Chibikyuu-dono, I'd like you
to catch this tiger.
**[10:54] Osoma**
So fast!
**[10:55] Osoma**
Again with the protein!
**[11:04] Chibi**
Here we go!
**[11:14] Ichi**
What the hell is that shrimp doing?!
**[11:16] Jyushi**
Did he lose his mind?
**[11:19] Kara**
No, that's not it.
**[11:20] All**
Huh?
**[11:21] Kara**
I can see it! I can see it clearly!
**[11:23] Kara**
I can see that savage tiger
attacking the shrimp!
**[11:28] Iyami**
This is...
**[11:29] Osoma**
Never underestimate the imagination
of a top-class martial artist.
**[11:33] Osoma**
Their keen senses of concentration
**[11:34] Osoma**
can produce a shadow more
realistic than reality itself!
**[11:41] Chibi**
You idjit! Pay attention!
**[11:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[11:55] Osoma**
Master of Wit!
**[11:58] Toto**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Matsuzou's Job"
**[12:01] Dad**
Off I go!
**[12:05] Ichi**
So, like... Dad pretty much supports
our household on his own, right?
**[12:10] Oso**
Yeah.
**[12:10] Ichi**
But we don't know what his job is, do we?
**[12:14] Oso**
No.
**[12:15] Ichi**
Let's go see what he does.
**[12:17] Oso**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Matsu Matsu Trading
**[12:20] Ichi**
So this is where he works.
**[12:22] Oso**
Huh...
***SIGN*** Be Quiet
***SIGN*** Be Quiet
**[12:30] Oso**
This is basically an office
you'd see anywhere.
**[12:33] Oso**
Talk about déjà vu.
**[12:34] Ichi**
I wonder what his job actually is.
**[12:36] Oso**
Yeah, I have no idea.
**[12:42] Oso**
What? Wait, why?
**[12:48] Oso**
He put it back.
**[12:54] Both**
What?
**[12:56] Prez**
Matsuno-kun, good work.
**[12:58] Oso**
He just gave him money.
**[13:01] Oso**
What kind of job is this?
**[13:04] Ichi**
I wonder what he's making.
**[13:07] Ichi**
What is that?
**[13:11] Both**
Huh?!
**[13:15] Oso**
Stop hanging up. Answer it.
**[13:19] Oso**
Why is he dancing?
**[13:21] Prez**
Matsuno-kun, good work.
**[13:26] Oso**
Seriously, what *is* his job?
**[13:31] Dad**
I'm tired. I'm so tired!
**[13:35] Both**
Huh?
**[13:41] Ichi**
He froze?
**[13:44] Both**
Huh? Wha?
**[13:47] Both**
That's creepy! That's super creepy!
**[13:54] ---**
He finally answered it.
**[13:56] Dad**
sdkjhjfkdskjds
**[13:57] Dad**
alkdjfoirnkolerngfkj
**[14:01] Dad**
alskdjlakdoijfomk
**[14:04] Dad**
Matsuzou finish!
**[14:06] Both**
Holy shit!
**[14:09] Ichi**
Hey, he's going somewhere.
**[14:14] Oso**
Why's he climbing the side of a building?
**[14:22] Oso**
Wait, is Dad some kind of assassin?
**[14:25] Ichi**
Seriously?
**[14:41] Prez**
Matsuno-kun, you're promoted
to section chief as of tomorrow.
**[14:43] Dad**
Yes! Yes, yes, heck yes!
**[14:45] Ichi**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** End
**[14:46] Dad**
Yes! Yes, yes, heck yes!
**[14:46] Oso**
I have no idea what's going on.
***SIGN*** Master of Wit
Chibikyuu
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[14:56] Kara**
Wow... Do that one more time, Riceballs.
***SIGN*** "Voice Function"
**[15:02] Salmon**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[15:05] Plum**
I'm the cute youngest brother, Totty!
**[15:08] Salmon**
I'm Hatabou, jo.
**[15:10] Plum**
Dayon!
**[15:12] Kara**
You guys sound just like them!
What the heck?
**[15:15] Salmon**
This is our voice function.
**[15:16] Salmon**
We AI can recreate any
voice we've heard once.
**[15:21] Salmon**
Are you happy?
**[15:23] Plum**
Are you satisfied?
**[15:25] Kara**
I mean... Wow, that startled me.
**[15:27] Choro**
Yeah.
**[15:30] Kara**
What's up, Choromatsu?
**[15:32] Choro**
H-Hey, Riceballs... Is there any chance
you can do Totoko-chan's voice, too?
**[15:36] Both**
Why, yes! Of course!
**[15:38] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[15:39] Kara**
Then if we request a line, you'll be
able to say it in Totoko-chan's voice?
**[15:43] Both**
Yes!
**[15:43] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[15:44] Choro**
Seriously?!
**[15:45] Both**
Then, then, hey!
**[15:46] Kara**
Is this really okay?
**[15:48] Choro**
Yeah, I'm not sure.
**[15:50] Kara**
This may go against our morals.
**[15:51] Choro**
Especially if you think about
Totoko-chan's feelings.
**[15:54] Kara**
Maybe we shouldn't.
**[15:57] Kara**
Maybe just once.
**[15:58] Choro**
Yeah, just once.
**[16:01] Choro**
First, why don't we have her say our names?
**[16:04] Kara**
Our names... That's a perfect line.
Let's go with that.
**[16:08] Choro**
Riceballs, could you say my
name in Totoko-chan's voice?
**[16:13] Salmon**
Choromatsu-kun.
**[16:16] Kara**
Me, too!
**[16:18] Plum**
Karamatsu-kun.
**[16:20] Both**
Thanks for saying our names, Totoko-chan!
**[16:24] Both**
We're so sorry, Totoko-chan!
**[16:29] Kara**
Wanna try just one more time?
**[16:30] Choro**
Just once more.
**[16:33] Kara**
Hmm... What should our next line be?
**[16:36] Choro**
How about this?
**[16:38] Choro**
I love you.
**[16:39] Kara**
What?! We're already going that far?!
**[16:42] Kara**
Is that really okay?! Is anyone watching?!
**[16:44] Choro**
This is just for good measure!
**[16:45] Kara**
Good measure! Yeah!
**[16:48] Salmon**
I love you.
**[16:52] Plum**
I love you.
**[16:53] Kara**
I-I felt that one!
**[16:55] Choro**
I feel so full!
**[16:57] Kara**
Once more!
**[16:58] Salmon**
I love you.
**[16:59] Plum**
I love you.
**[17:00] Kara**
Could you add our names before that line?
**[17:02] Salmon**
Karamatsu-kun, I love you.
**[17:05] Plum**
Choromatsu-kun, I love you.
**[17:07] Choro**
I'm going to fly! So high!
**[17:09] Kara**
You already are.
**[17:11] Choro**
So are you, though!
**[17:13] Both**
We're so sorry, Totoko-chan!
**[17:17] Kara**
Wanna try just one more time?
**[17:19] Choro**
Just once more.
**[17:21] Choro**
What should our next line be?
**[17:24] ---**
...thing... ris...
**[17:25] Choro**
Huh? Say what?
**[17:26] Kara**
Something risqué...
**[17:28] Choro**
Huh?
**[17:28] Kara**
Something risqué...
**[17:30] Choro**
Risqué? What do you mean?
**[17:32] Kara**
I mean, you know... s-something dirty...
**[17:35] Choro**
Huh? Just spit it out already.
**[17:39] Kara**
You're an ass, you know that?!
You know exactly what I'm saying!
**[17:41] Kara**
You just don't want to say it yourself!
**[17:43] Choro**
I have no idea what you're talking about!
What do you want to hear Totoko-chan say?
**[17:47] Kara**
You know! Something involving our dicks!
**[17:50] Choro**
Is this really okay?!
No one's watching, are they?!
**[17:52] Kara**
Hey!
**[17:53] Choro**
Hey!
**[17:56] Choro**
Yeah, we probably shouldn't do that.
**[18:00] Kara**
Yeah, I know... But we want
to go as far as we can...
**[18:03] Choro**
I get it! Something that's within our
moral boundaries and still dirty.
**[18:07] Choro**
I wonder what it should be...
**[18:10] Kara**
Hey, how about this?
**[18:12] Kara**
Bukkake udon.
**[18:14] Choro**
No, that's too dirty. You went too far.
**[18:15] Kara**
I see.
**[18:17] Choro**
Hey, what about this?
**[18:18] Choro**
Privatization of Reclaimed
Lands in Perpetuity Act.
**[18:20] Kara**
Why do you want her to say that?
**[18:22] Choro**
No?
**[18:23] Kara**
How about this? Coccyx.
**[18:25] Choro**
How about this? Essex.
**[18:27] Kara**
Shabu-shabu.
**[18:28] Choro**
Mastication.
**[18:30] Kara**
Stimulated emission.
**[18:31] Choro**
Cummingtonite.
**[18:32] Kara**
Formication.
**[18:33] Choro**
Direct Opposing Rook.
**[18:35] Kara**
Lickety-split.
**[18:36] Choro**
Cockchafer.
**[18:38] Choro**
It's no use. We've gone in so many circles,
I don't know what's safe anymore.
**[18:42] Kara**
Let's stop messing around.
**[18:45] Kara**
I feel bad for Totoko-chan.
**[18:46] Choro**
Yeah.
**[18:47] Choro**
Let's stop.
**[18:52] Both**
We're done!
**[18:54] Kara**
Riceballs...
**[18:55] Kara**
Read this clearly and with
passion in Totoko-chan's voice!
**[18:59] Salmon**
Are you sure?
**[19:00] Choro**
Yes! We're trash! This is fine!
**[19:04] Both**
All right.
**[19:06] Salmon**
Here we go.
**[19:08] Salmon**
Coc—
**[19:10] Salmon**
Vagi— An—
**[19:12] Kara**
We're sorry!
**[19:13] Choro**
We're sorry!
**[19:14] Salmon**
—me harder! Harder—
**[19:16] Kara**
We're sorry!
**[19:17] Choro**
We're sorry!
**[19:19] Omu**
Fu—
**[19:20] Omu**
Mast—
**[19:21] Omu**
Play with my—
**[19:22] Omu**
In the—
**[19:23] Omu**
Harder—
**[19:24] Omusu**
Pussy—
**[19:27] Salmon**
There you have it.
**[19:28] Salmon**
Are you happy?
**[19:30] Plum**
Are you satisfied?
**[19:39] Both**
They're dead.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Governor Jyushimatsu"
**[19:46] Sign**
Let's Stand Firm,
Jyushimatsu Prefecture
**[19:47] Guy**
*We will now begin this routine
press conference with the*
**[19:50] Guy**
*Governor of Jyushimatsu
Prefecture, Jyushimatsu.*
**[19:53] Guy**
*We'll have time for a Q&A later.*
***SIGN*** Come on over to Jyushimatsu Prefecture Tourism Promotion Campaign
**[19:56] Guy**
*Governor, if you will.*
**[20:02] Guy**
*Governor.*
**[20:06] Guy**
*Governor?*
**[20:09] Guy**
Governor, if you will...
**[20:11] Jyushi**
Governor, if you will.
**[20:13] Guy**
No, you're the governor.
**[20:14] Jyushi**
Huh? The governor?
**[20:15] Guy**
Yes.
**[20:16] Jyushi**
Governor?
**[20:17] Guy**
No.
**[20:18] Jyushi**
Governor?
**[20:19] Guy**
Yes.
**[20:20] Jyushi**
Governor!
**[20:23] Guy**
* Please don't touch the mic,*
* Governor. Governor.*
**[20:29] Guy**
*Please remove that, Governor.*
**[20:31] Guy**
* Please go ahead with this*
* week's announcements.*
**[20:34] Jyushi**
Ahem.
**[20:38] Guy**
Governor.
**[20:40] Guy**
Governor.
**[20:42] Guy**
*Please don't touch the mic, Governor.*
**[20:43] Guy**
* Please go ahead with this*
* week's announcements.*
**[20:46] Jyushi**
Ahem.
**[20:48] Jyushi**
Well, it seems that the
people of our prefecture
**[20:52] Jyushi**
have been very vocal, detailed, and rather
bold regarding their regrets lately,
**[20:58] Jyushi**
*and I thought, "Oh, no. Oh, no, no."*
**[21:01] Jyushi**
*I regretfully understand how bad this is,*
**[21:04] Jyushi**
* but while we're on the subject,*
* or maybe we're not on the subject at all.*
**[21:08] Jyushi**
In regards to the regrets, I fundamentally
wholeheartedly understand
**[21:13] Jyushi**
this comprehensible untrodden intent and,
concerning the allegations,
**[21:19] Jyushi**
I strive to be bold as well as detailed,
**[21:22] Jyushi**
vague, hateful, yet unbelievable poker face.
***SIGN*** Come on over to
Jyushimatsu Prefecture
Tourism Promotion
Campaign
**[21:26] Jyushi**
That ends well all's well is.
**[21:28] ---**
Let's Stand Firm,
Jyushimatsu Prefecture
**[21:29] Jyushi**
Nope.
**[21:30] Jyushi**
All's well that ends well.
**[21:32] Jyushi**
That's not quite right, either.
**[21:35] Jyushi**
*As for everyone in the prefecture,*
**[21:38] Jyushi**
*I hope that you will warmly respect today,*
**[21:41] Jyushi**
never truly devoting yourself to the cause,
**[21:44] Jyushi**
and I fundamentally, symbolically,
unabashedly want to eat some offal.
**[21:49] Jyushi**
But while I regret to reform
you about your regrets,
**[21:54] Jyushi**
it cannot be helped to the point
that help cannot be helped
**[21:57] Jyushi**
and therefore, cannot be helped.
**[22:01] Jyushi**
So I hope that you will all praise so-and-so
Kamehameha James Rodriguez.
**[22:07] Jyushi**
*Thank you very much for watching today!*
**[22:12] Guy**
*Governor! Governor!*
**[22:15] Guy**
*How the hell did you get elected?!*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "To the South" etc.
# E8 - To the South
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6GVNGP16/to-the-south)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** To the south
***SIGN*** You're pretty good, Partner
***SIGN*** You're not too bad yourself
**[04:57] Dayon**
Dayon!
***SIGN*** All right, Partner, let's go
***SIGN*** To the south
***SIGN*** Dayon
***SIGN*** "Mt. Takao"
**[06:31] Choro**
*Good morning. I'm Choromatsu.*
**[06:34] Choro**
*Today, we're all going to Mt. Takao.*
**[06:38] Choro**
* Mt. Takao is a popular tourist*
* spot located in Hachioji.*
**[06:41] Choro**
* More people climb it per year than*
* any other mountain in the world.*
**[06:45] Choro**
*I'm so excited!*
**[06:50] Choro**
Guys, hurry up. We're gonna miss the train.
**[06:54] Ichi**
Here I am.
**[06:57] Choro**
You're taking this climb very lightly.
**[06:59] Choro**
Why are you wearing sandals?
**[07:01] Kara**
Sorry for the wait.
**[07:03] Choro**
Why do you have a guitar?
**[07:05] Todo**
All set!
***SIGN*** Sunscreen
**[07:08] Choro**
You're way too worried about sunburn!
**[07:10] Choro**
We're climbing a mountain, Todomatsu! A little sunburn comes with the territory!
**[07:18] Choro**
Huh?!
**[07:19] Choro**
I didn't plan on this mountain
trip being *that* hardcore!
**[07:23] Choro**
Wait, uh...
**[07:24] Choro**
Where's the last one?
**[07:38] Choro**
Wake up!
**[07:47] Oso**
Man, the local train is so empty
during the day on weekdays. I love it.
**[07:52] Oso**
Why don't most people ride around this time?
**[07:56] Choro**
Probably because they're working.
**[07:58] Jyushi**
If you go anywhere, going during
the day on a weekday is the best.
**[08:00] Jyushi**
It's never very crowded.
**[08:02] Todo**
Why doesn't everyone else do this?
Are they stupid?
**[08:06] Jyushi**
It's probably because they're working.
**[08:08] Kara**
I guess that makes us NEETs winners.
**[08:12] Jyushi**
True.
**[08:16] Ichi**
By the way, why are we
suddenly going to Mt. Takao?
**[08:20] Jyushi**
So that we NEETs can quell the tinge
of anxiety we feel from day to day.
**[08:26] Todo**
Exactly! If we take these
slightly longer trips,
**[08:29] Todo**
we feel like we've accomplished something,
and we feel a little better emotionally.
**[08:32] Todo**
That's what we're after here.
**[08:34] Ichi**
I see.
**[08:36] All**
Being NEETs is the best!
**[08:42] Choro**
Enough nonsense, you guys.
Here, just read this.
**[08:45] Ichi**
The hell is this?
***SIGN*** Trip Guide
Mt. Takao
**[08:48] Choro**
A trip guide!
**[08:49] All**
Guide?
**[08:51] Choro**
I worked extra hard on these just
so we could use them today.
**[08:55] Oso**
I can't even fully express how
disgusted I am with you right now.
**[08:58] Choro**
Don't be disgusted with me!
**[09:00] Kara**
Hey!
**[09:01] Kara**
This guide...
**[09:03] Kara**
doesn't seem to include my solo concert!
**[09:06] Choro**
Why the hell would it?
***SIGN*** 7 AM Wake up
8 AM Kichijoji Station
8:20 AM Meidaimae Station
9:20 AM Takaosanguchi Station
Commemorative Photo
10:40 AM Reach the top
Commemorative Photo
12 PM Lunch
**[09:07] Todo**
Uh... aren't there a lot
of commemorative photos?
***SIGN*** 1 PM Observatory
Commemorative Photo
3 PM Yakuo-in Temple
Commemorative Photo
**[09:11] Todo**
That's gonna be pretty
rough with six guys.
**[09:13] Jyushi**
The recreation sucks, too.
***SIGN*** 5 PM Recreation
Shiritori
Bingo
Hide and seek
7 PM Campfire
Commemorative Photo
Let's all talk about our dreams.
**[09:15] Jyu**
Shiritori, bingo, hide and seek...
Yeah, this is hell.
**[09:19] Ichi**
Hey, what the hell is this
about a campfire at the end?
**[09:22] Ichi**
"L-Let's all talk about our dreams"?
***SIGN*** 7 PM Campfire
Commemorative Photo
Let's all talk about our dreams.
**[09:25] Oso**
With six guys?
**[09:28] Todo**
At Mt. Takao?
**[09:31] Choro**
We're doing this! Got it?!
**[09:33] Choro**
I took the time to figure this all out!
**[09:35] Choro**
You'll do as I say!
**[09:44] Choro**
We're transferring here.
**[09:45] Some**
Yeah...
**[09:48] Choro**
One more transfer.
**[09:50] Choro**
Next, we're transferring over here.
**[09:54] Ichi**
It *is* super easy on us to have someone like
him, though. All we have to do is follow him.
**[10:00] Oso**
It is pretty helpful.
**[10:02] Kara**
Choromatsu, sorry for getting
on your case earlier.
**[10:05] All**
Sorry.
**[10:13] Todo**
Where the hell are we?!
**[10:15] Todo**
We're not getting any closer to
the mountain, Choromatsu-niisan!
**[10:18] Jyushi**
We're lost, aren't we?
**[10:19] Ichi**
Come on...
**[10:21] Choro**
No, we're not lost.
**[10:23] Kara**
Uh, but...
**[10:24] Choro**
We're not lost.
**[10:25] Kara**
Wha—
**[10:26] Choro**
We're not lost. We're not lost.
We're not lost. We're not lost.
**[10:28] Todo**
Dude, you're creeping me out...
***SIGN*** Ticket
***SIGN*** Ticket
**[10:40] Jyu**
Huh?
**[10:42] Jyushi**
Crap. I don't have my ticket.
**[10:44] Todo**
What? Jeez...
**[10:46] Ichi**
I don't have mine, either.
**[10:47] Todo**
What?!
**[10:48] Kara**
Me, neither.
**[10:49] Todo**
Huh?!
**[10:49] Kara**
Osomatsu, do you have your ticket?
**[10:52] Oso**
What's a ticket?
**[10:54] Todo**
Uh, hello?! Adults supposedly over 20!
**[10:57] Todo**
Er, Choromatsu-niisan, there's no
point in looking through the guide.
**[11:00] Todo**
It's not gonna solve anything for you.
**[11:16] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[11:17] Jyushi**
Be careful! Ya never know what's
gonna happen on the mountain!
**[11:20] Choro**
We're not there yet.
**[11:22] Todo**
Hmm... How far should we go?
**[11:25] Todo**
It's too hard to go all the way to the summit.
***SIGN*** Yakuo-in Temple
**[11:28] Choro**
How about we go to Yakuo-in, then?
**[11:30] Choro**
Let's pay our respects there.
**[11:32] Todo**
Oh, nice. We should get going, then.
I don't want it to get dark.
**[11:35] Choro**
Yeah. So... which way to the mountain?
**[11:39] Kara**
The mountain's that way.
**[11:41] Jyushi**
Huh? How can you tell, Karamatsu-niisan?
**[11:44] Kara**
How can I tell, you ask?
**[11:46] Kara**
That's because... the mountain's calling to me.
**[11:49] Jyushi**
That's awesome!
**[11:51] Todo**
The mountain's this way.
**[11:55] Choro**
Hey, wait. We're not all here.
**[12:04] Todo**
It's too early to buy gifts!
Let's buy them on our way home.
***SIGN*** Myount Takao Gifts
**[12:07] Todo**
Also, do you even need that katana?
**[12:09] Oso**
It's so cool.
**[12:10] Jyushi**
So cool!
**[12:11] Choro**
Jyushimatsu! You don't need to buy one!
**[12:16] Ichi**
I guess I'm not going to find Ichimatsu.
**[12:19] Jyushi**
I found Matsuno, though!
**[12:20] Ichi**
For real?!
**[12:24] Choro**
Seriously, save the souvenirs for later!
**[12:27] Todo**
Instagram likes, here I come!
**[12:28] Choro**
Don't wander off, Todomatsu!
**[13:01] Choro**
Food later! We need to go to the temple first!
***SIGN*** Cable Car Station
***SIGN*** Lift Station
**[13:09] Jyushi**
Which should we take?
**[13:11] Todo**
It's hard to decide.
**[13:13] Todo**
Seriously, put down the guide.
**[13:14] Kara**
My brothers...
**[13:16] Kara**
Do you really want to rely on civilization?
**[13:20] Kara**
The mountain's crying!
**[13:22] Kara**
Let's walk up!
**[13:24] Kara**
Let's work together to... own this mountain!
**[13:28] Todo**
But if we walk up, it's going
to take almost two hours.
**[13:32] Kara**
Huh?
**[13:33] Oso**
Go ahead.
**[13:34] Jyushi**
Go for it.
**[13:36] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan, should we
take the cable car or lift?
**[13:40] Oso**
Who cares? Why don't we just split up?
**[13:45] Todo**
Who's going on the cable car?
**[13:46] Choro**
Me.
**[13:47] Jyu**
Who's going on the lift?
**[13:49] Oso**
Sure.
**[13:51] Jyu**
What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[13:52] Ichi**
I'm not sure. This is a hard decision.
**[13:55] Todo**
The cable car's totally better. It's safer.
**[13:58] Jyushi**
But the lift's way more exciting!
**[14:01] Choro**
But the view from the cable
car tends to be better.
**[14:05] Kara**
We need to feel that wind! Lift it is!
**[14:08] Jyushi**
What are you going to do, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[14:09] Ichi**
It's a really hard decision. The kind
that makes your personality come out.
**[14:13] Kara**
Take the lift, I'm telling you!
***SIGN*** Tickets
Welcome
Cable Car Lift Groups
**[14:14] ---**
I say cable car!
**[14:15] ---**
Feel the wind!
**[14:17] ---**
It's the lift you want!
**[14:22] All**
What should we do?
**[14:23] Oso**
Can we just decide already?!
**[14:26] Choro**
So we're good with the lift?
**[14:27] All**
Yeah.
**[14:28] Choro**
Okay, then...
**[14:28] Kara**
N-Now, hang on!
**[14:30] Kara**
This is pretty expensive!
**[14:35] Ichi**
Wh-What should we do?
**[14:37] Todo**
I dunno.
**[14:38] Kara**
I didn't expect to face an obstacle like this...
**[14:40] Jyushi**
Is there a NEET discount?
**[14:42] Oso**
Of course not.
**[14:48] Jyushi**
Hey, I've got a great idea!
***SIGN*** One Way Round Trip
**[14:57] Todo**
The mountain! We're going up the mountain!
**[15:00] Choro**
Six for the kids' pwice pwease!
**[15:02] Ichi**
Pwease!
**[15:03] Jyushi**
We're kids!
**[15:04] Oso**
Kids!
**[15:06] All**
Kids' pwice!
***SIGN*** One way Foot of the mountain -> Summit
***SIGN*** Operation Hours
**[15:11] Oso**
Damn it... She charged full price.
Mt. Takao pulls no punches.
**[15:15] Kara**
Yeah, we gave it too little credit.
**[15:20] Ichi**
I can't anymore.
**[15:22] Todo**
That was fast. We haven't even
gone up the mountain yet.
**[15:25] Ichi**
My feet are going to fall off.
**[15:26] Todo**
Why did you even wear sandals?
**[15:29] Kara**
We're gonna be getting on in pairs.
We should decide who's going with who.
**[15:32] Oso**
What? That's gross.
**[15:34] Oso**
We can just go one by one.
**[15:36] Choro**
We can't. We'd be
inconveniencing other people.
**[15:39] Choro**
Let's decide the pairs with rock-paper-scissors.
**[15:42] Choro**
Here we go. Ready, and...
**[15:44] All**
Shoot.
**[15:45] All**
Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.
**[15:48] Jyushi**
There it is!
**[15:52] Kara**
Good for you. Sitting next to me
is a treat, you lucky bastard, you.
**[15:57] Ichi**
Totty, will you switch with me?
**[16:00] Todo**
Huh? Switch? Really?!
**[16:04] Ichi**
Nah, never mind. Both options sorta suck.
**[16:06] Todo**
Right?
**[16:07] Both**
What's that supposed to mean?
**[16:08] Choro**
Wanna switch?
**[16:11] All**
Yeah, no way in hell.
**[16:12] Choro**
I figured.
**[16:13] Oso**
What's that supposed to mean?
**[16:17] Oso**
Wait, why are you shaking?
**[16:19] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[16:20] Choro**
H-How do you get on a lift?
**[16:23] Oso**
Huh?
**[16:23] Choro**
Crap... I-I might not be able to do this.
**[16:25] Oso**
It's easy. You just stand there and it'll
come to you, then you just sit down.
**[16:29] Choro**
I'm getting nervous...
**[16:41] Oso**
Hey, you okay?
**[16:44] Oso**
Wha—
**[16:45] Oso**
Why the hell would you dodge it?!
**[16:49] Kara**
Hey!
**[16:51] Jyushi**
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
**[16:56] Kara**
The mountain and me...
**[16:58] Kara**
The mountain and me! The mountain and me!
**[17:04] Oso**
I'm so hyped! Woo!
**[17:08] Choro**
Stop moving around so much! It's dangerous!
**[17:11] Oso**
Hey, just look.
**[17:20] Jyushi**
Say, Totty... Could you take
some pictures of me, too?
**[17:24] Todo**
Nope. I'm taking these to look like
I came to Mt. Takao on my own.
**[17:29] Jyushi**
What?
**[17:30] Todo**
If I take pictures with you guys,
I'll get fewer likes.
**[17:33] Jyushi**
What?!
**[17:34] Todo**
Here, take my picture.
**[17:37] Jyushi**
Okay!
**[17:38] Todo**
Huh? Hey, wait! What?!
**[17:41] Todo**
Hey! Why'd you post that?!
**[17:44] Jyushi**
Maybe they'll think we're on a date.
**[17:47] Todo**
The horror!
**[17:49] Oso**
Hey, guys!
**[17:51] Oso**
Aren't you glad we came today?
**[17:53] Oso**
Being NEETs is awesome! Yay!
**[17:55] All**
Yay!
***SIGN*** Caution High Voltage
**[18:01] Girl**
Oh, stop. I'm going to fall!
**[18:09] Oso**
Hope you find happiness!
**[18:10] Choro**
Don't cheat on each other, okay?
**[18:11] Both**
Don't forget the birth control!
**[18:13] Both**
Make sure you wear protection!
***SIGN*** Say cheese!
***SIGN*** Photo Spot
***SIGN*** Photo Op
**[18:20] Photographer**
Okay, I'm gonna take the picture!
**[18:26] Kara**
The hell is up with these poses?
I can't believe he got these!
***SIGN*** 1 Photo 700 yen
**[18:29] Ichi**
I sorta want these.
**[18:31] Oso**
I know! I totally want these!
**[18:34] Guy**
Thank you very much.
One photo will be 700 yen.
**[18:38] All**
Nah, that's okay.
**[18:39] Guy**
Huh?
**[18:40] Jyushi**
We're flat broke, so...
**[18:42] Guy**
Huh?
**[18:48] Ichi**
I-I can't anymore...
**[18:51] Oso**
Damn it, this katana's in the way.
**[19:01] Todo**
I'm done...
**[19:06] Jyushi**
Toughen up, men! Walk! Walk!
**[19:18] All**
Wow, this is amazing!
**[19:21] Choro**
It's so pretty! This feels great!
**[19:23] Ichi**
The air's so different up here.
**[19:25] Kara**
Yeah, it's just so refreshing.
**[19:27] Todo**
Wanna take a photo?
**[19:29] All**
Sheeeh!
**[19:34] Ichi**
It's good.
**[19:36] Jyushi**
Yum!
**[19:42] Kara**
Uh, hey.
**[19:44] Kara**
Hey, now.
**[19:45] Kara**
Hey!
**[20:13] Oso**
Man, that was satisfying.
**[20:15] Ichi**
Okay, let's go home.
**[20:17] Choro**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[20:18] Choro**
We need to pay our respects!
We're going to Yakuo-in!
**[20:35] Oso**
Damn it, again?
**[20:38] Jyushi**
It's pretty long...
**[20:43] All**
Hey!
**[20:45] Oso**
No fair using a truck! Get off, damn it!
**[20:46] Jyushi**
You cheaters!
**[20:49] Ichi**
Nope. I'm done.
**[20:51] kara**
Let's give up.
**[20:52] Oso**
This is far enough.
**[20:54] Kara**
Let's go home.
**[20:55] Ichi**
We can't...
**[20:58] Choro**
*We were always like this.*
**[21:01] Choro**
* Whenever we started something,*
* we'd immediately make excuses, run away,*
**[21:05] Choro**
*and never accomplish anything.*
**[21:09] Choro**
*But this time was different.*
**[21:12] Choro**
*We didn't want to give up.*
**[21:14] Choro**
* We felt like if we reached our goal,*
* something inside us would change.*
**[21:20] Choro**
*Yes...*
**[21:21] Choro**
*In order to fight against the*
**[21:23] Choro**
* shitty routine that would*
* come for us again tomorrow.*
**[21:26] Choro**
*We didn't want to give up.*
**[21:37] Choro**
*And then...*
**[21:39] Choro**
*We finally made it.*
**[21:42] Choro**
*We finally did it.*
**[21:45] Choro**
*It may be trivial,*
**[21:47] Choro**
*but we pulled through.*
**[21:50] Choro**
*Even we can do this.*
**[21:53] Choro**
*Or so we thought...*
**[21:57] Choro**
*But this was all...*
***SIGN*** End
**[21:59] Choro**
*an illusion.*
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu here!
**[23:36] Jyushi**
In the next episode of *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we're going to try to do chores!
**[23:40] Jyushi**
Chores from above, chores from below.
**[23:43] Jyushi**
Chores from the right, chores from the left.
**[23:46] Jyushi**
I wanna know what chores everyone's good at.
***SIGN*** "Let's Do Chores" etc.
**[23:49] Jyushi**
I don't wanna know what
chores everyone's good at.
# E9 - Let's Do Chores
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR5J2VX5R/lets-do-chores)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Sheeeh"
**[01:40] Ichi**
Ron.
**[01:42] Ichi**
12,000.
**[01:43] Oso**
Sheeeh!
**[01:44] Kara**
Damn, that's a lot!
**[01:50] Todo**
Boo!
**[01:51] Choro**
Sheeeh!
**[01:52] Choro**
Stop that! I almost had a heart attack.
**[01:55] Todo**
That was awesome!
**[01:57] Shake**
I wonder what "sheeeh" is.
**[01:59] Ume**
I wonder.
**[02:03] Jyushi**
Huh? You want me to explain
what "sheeeh" is?
**[02:07] Shake**
Yes. We do not know what "sheeeh" is.
**[02:10] Ume**
We do not.
**[02:15] Jyushi**
We should ask its creator, then.
**[02:18] Both**
Creator?
**[02:20] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:22] Iyami**
Y-Y-You don't know what "sheeeh" is?
**[02:28] Iyami**
You don't know what "sheeeh" is?
**[02:31] Iyami**
You're telling me you don't
know what "sheeeh" is?!
**[02:36] Jyushi**
Whoa! Iyami, are you okay?
**[02:39] Jyushi**
D-Don't take it personally.
**[02:40] Jyushi**
They just popped up recently, so it's not
surprising they don't know what it is.
**[02:46] Iyami**
Hmph.
**[02:52] Jyushi**
A scrapbook! You actually made one?
**[02:56] Shake**
Is "sheeeh" widely known, then?
**[02:58] Ume**
Is it that famous?
**[03:01] Iyami**
Of course it is!
**[03:02] Jyushi**
Calm down, Iyami.
**[03:04] iyami**
"Sheeeh" is legendary gag from the Showa
Era created by me, a star comedian.
**[03:09] Iyami**
Back in the day, everyone mimicked it!
**[03:12] Iyami**
The original *Osomatsu-kun* wouldn't
have been popular without it!
**[03:15] Iyami**
Which means Akatsuka Fujio-chan
would've gone hungry, too!
**[03:19] Iyami**
The stupid sextuplets
wouldn't have been famous,
**[03:21] Iyami**
and the anime wouldn't be
airing again in the Reiwa Era!
**[03:23] Iyami**
Studio Pierrot would've gone bankrupt,
**[03:24] Iyami**
and you new characters
never would've shown up!
**[03:27] Iyami**
"Sheeeh" is the start of everything!
**[03:29] Iyami**
How dare you be in this series
without knowing that?!
**[03:33] Jyushi**
Calm down, Iyami.
**[03:35] Shake**
Understood.
**[03:36] Ume**
Understood.
**[03:38] Shake**
But I don't think "famous" is
the correct way to describe it.
**[03:42] Ume**
I don't believe it is.
**[03:44] Iyami**
Hmm?
**[03:45] Jyushi**
Uh, hey...
**[03:46] Shake**
For example, we're from the Reiwa
Era and we'd never heard of it.
**[03:50] Shake**
It would appear that this is something
from more than sixty years ago.
**[03:55] Ume**
Therefore, it would be hard to believe
**[03:57] Ume**
something so old would be so
well-known in the present.
**[04:01] Ume**
I'd say the level of recognition is 4.
**[04:03] Shake**
Which would mean that "it used
to be famous" is a better way
**[04:06] Shake**
to describe it than "it is famous."
**[04:08] Both**
"Sheeeh" is a thing from the past
that is now just an awkward gag.
**[04:11] Both**
We believe that this is more accurate.
**[04:19] Iyami**
What agency do they belong to?
**[04:22] Iyami**
How long have they been in the business?
**[04:24] Iyami**
They're newbies still in their first year, right?
**[04:27] Iyami**
You're gonna let them talk
to a veteran like that?
**[04:30] Iyami**
They didn't even come greet
me before the show started.
**[04:34] Iyami**
Me could see that they never work in
this business again if me wanted to.
**[04:37] Iyami**
Are they those 7th-generation
comedians I keep hearing about?
**[04:41] Iyami**
This is what happens when you don't
properly teach these young'uns.
**[04:49] Jyushi**
So... let's respect our elders.
**[04:52] Jyushi**
That was a bit rude.
**[04:54] Shake**
Apparently, we were rude,
so we humbly apologize.
**[04:58] Ume**
We apologize.
**[05:00] Iyami**
As long as you understand.
**[05:02] Iyami**
If you want to make a living off of a gag anime,
you need to know more legendary gags.
**[05:09] Shake**
Gag?
**[05:10] Ume**
Gag.
**[05:11] Shake**
I don't believe that's the correct
way to describe that, either.
**[05:14] Ume**
I don't think so, either.
**[05:15] Jyushi**
Uh, hey!
***SIGN*** A short phrase or action inserted in the course of a conversation or activity that has nothing to do with whatever is going on and brings about laughter. Also known as a joke or a quip.
**[05:17] Shake**
A gag is a humorous saying or
action that makes people laugh.
**[05:24] Ume**
But the expectation value
***SIGN*** Current expectation value for someone in the present laughing at "Sheeeh"
**[05:25] Ume**
that someone in present times
will laugh at "sheeeh" is 0.1%.
**[05:29] Shake**
For example, if you were to enter a comedy
competition with "sheeeh" as your weapon,
**[05:32] Shake**
is it possible for you to become a finalist?
**[05:35] Ume**
It is not. The farthest you'd
get is the second round.
**[05:37] Shake**
It's not funny. Meaning it doesn't
mean the requirements for a gag.
**[05:40] Ume**
Is there a reason for unfunny lines
or actions from the Showa Era
**[05:43] Ume**
to exist in the Reiwa Era?
**[05:46] Both**
Is there any possibility of winning?
What do you think?
**[05:52] Iyami**
What agency do they belong to?
**[05:55] Iyami**
How long have they been in the business?
**[05:57] Iyami**
If they were my students, me would've
beaten them to a pulp already.
***SIGN*** Junmai Ginjo Sake
Shie
**[06:02] Iyami**
Leave.
**[06:03] Shake**
Please!
**[06:04] Ume**
Please!
**[06:06] Shake**
We'd like to know more about "sheeeh."
**[06:09] Shake**
The sextuplets always seem
to have fun using it,
**[06:12] Shake**
but we AI don't understand it.
**[06:15] Ume**
Don't go back inside. We'd like to
understand "sheeeh" a little bit more.
**[06:20] Both**
Please teach us the way
of the sheeeh, master.
**[06:23] Jyushi**
R-Riceballs...
**[06:43] Iyami**
What do you think you're doing?
Get over here already.
**[06:46] Iyami**
Me will teach you.
**[06:48] Jyushi**
Iyami, are you sure?
**[06:50] Iyami**
It's part of a veteran's job to
make sure our legacies live on.
**[06:54] Iyami**
And...
**[06:56] Iyami**
Look at this pathetic
world we're in right now.
**[06:59] Iyami**
We will need powerful gags soon,
**[07:02] Iyami**
and me wants to hand those off
to the younger generation.
**[07:06] Jyushi**
I-Iyami!
**[07:10] Iyami**
This is special.
**[07:12] Iyami**
This is the one and only original sheeeh!
**[07:18] Iyami**
What's the holdup? Just do what I do!
**[07:22] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:23] Riceballs**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[07:25] Iyami**
Too soft! Sheeeh!
**[07:27] Riceballs**
Sheeeh!
**[07:28] Iyami**
It needs more oomph!
**[07:29] Iyami**
The raised arm needs to be as straight
as possible, bending just your wrist.
**[07:33] Iyami**
The lower arm should be parallel
to the ground, like this.
**[07:36] Iyami**
Like this! This!
**[07:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:39] Riceballs**
Sheeeh!
**[07:40] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:41] Riceballs**
Sheeeh!
**[07:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Sheeeh! Sheeeh!
**[07:46] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh! Sh-Sheeeh!
**[07:48] Iyami**
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
**[07:50] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[07:57] Iyami**
This is the power of a true legend.
**[07:59] Shake**
Excuse me.
**[08:01] Shake**
It's not that we actually
want to *do* "sheeeh."
**[08:04] Ume**
It's not.
**[08:11] Shake**
We want you to explain
to us what "sheeeh" is.
**[08:15] Shake**
What exactly is the true nature of "sheeeh"?
**[08:18] Iyami**
T...
**[08:19] Iyami**
True nature?
**[08:21] Ume**
What exactly is the meaning of sheeeh?
**[08:23] Iyami**
M-Meaning?
**[08:24] Shake**
Why does this gag exist?
**[08:27] Ume**
Why exactly do you do it?
**[08:29] Shake**
What is the cause-and-effect
relationship between raising
**[08:32] Shake**
your foot and angling your arms?
**[08:33] Ume**
What's so funny about
this in the first place?
**[08:36] Shake**
What does it mean to be funny?
**[08:38] Ume**
What's the point of this gag?
**[08:39] Shake**
What's the point of "sheeeh"?
**[08:40] Riceballs**
Why does it exist in this world?
**[08:44] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh is...
**[08:48] Iyami**
Sh-Sheh... Huh? M-Me is overthinking
it now and me doesn't know...
**[08:55] Iyami**
Is this it?
**[08:57] Iyami**
How did me do it all this time? Sheh?!
**[09:00] Iyami**
Sheps?!
**[09:11] Riceballs**
We're done now.
**[09:12] Jyushi**
Huh? Oh, you're done?
**[09:15] Riceballs**
Sheeeh!
**[09:18] Jyushi**
It's still not as sharp as it could be.
**[09:20] Jyushi**
But thank goodness you got
the master to teach you.
**[09:24] Jyushi**
Hey, where's Iyami?
**[09:29] Sign**
Me has left on a journey
Please don't search for me
Iyami
**[09:29] Iyami**
* Me has left on a journey.*
* Please don't search for me.*
**[09:32] Jyushi**
What?! Why?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Totonya's
***SIGN*** Shorts Series
**[09:38] Toto**
Totonya's...
**[09:39] Nya**
...Shorts Series!
***SIGN*** Outfit
**[09:41] Both**
Outfit!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[09:49] Toto**
I just don't get it.
**[09:51] Toto**
How are you more popular than me?
**[09:54] Toto**
I'm definitely cuter,
I'm a better singer and dancer,
**[09:58] Toto**
my personality rules,
and I'm basically perfect.
**[10:01] Toto**
It just doesn't make sense.
What should I do?
**[10:06] Nya**
Why don't you quit the fish thing?
**[10:09] Nya**
No one likes a fish idol.
There's no demand for one.
**[10:20] Nya**
Quit being a fish!
**[10:26] Nyaa**
If you want to be popular...
**[10:28] Nyaa**
Quit being a fish!
**[10:35] Nyaa**
Why are you so obsessed with this thing?!
**[10:40] Nyaa**
See?! You're way cuter this way,
and you'll be way more popular...
**[11:07] Nyaa**
How many of these do you have?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Let's Do Chores"
**[11:16] Birbs**
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
**[11:20] Birbs**
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
**[11:24] Birbs**
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
**[11:40] ---**
Neighborhood
Bulletin
**[11:56] Oso**
Hey, Mom.
**[11:58] Mom**
What?
**[11:59] Oso**
The salmon was a bit burnt.
Be more careful next time.
**[12:02] Kara**
We're counting on you, Mommy.
**[12:03] Todo**
And could you make the fried
eggs a little runnier next time?
**[12:06] Jyushi**
I think the food the Riceballs made
for us the other day was better.
**[12:10] Choro**
True. Mom, why don't you learn
how to cook from the AI?
**[12:15] Oso**
Huh?
**[12:19] All**
Huh?
**[12:21] Oso**
M-Mom?
**[12:23] Mom**
I'm not doing chores anymore.
**[12:25] All**
What?!
**[12:26] Mom**
I won't be cooking, or cleaning, or doing laundry.
**[12:30] Mom**
You can all do those on your own now.
**[12:33] All**
Mom?!
**[12:36] Kara**
H-Hey... What are we going to do about this?
**[12:39] Jyushi**
This happened because you said
something so awful, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[12:42] Oso**
Hey, what you said was worse!
**[12:44] Choro**
Wh-What should we do from now on?
**[12:48] Todo**
Let's do the chores for today.
**[12:52] All**
Huh?
**[12:52] Oso**
Come on, now. No way.
**[12:54] Todo**
We were mean to Mom,
so it'll be punishment for that.
**[12:57] Oso**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[12:58] Todo**
At least, that's what it'll look like.
**[13:02] Todo**
But really, if we don't get
Mom back in a good mood now,
**[13:05] Todo**
our survival as NEETs may be in danger.
**[13:11] Oso**
Let's do those chores!
**[13:12] Kara**
Yes, right now!
**[13:18] Oso**
Fanks!
**[13:20] Choro**
Hey!
**[13:21] Choro**
Don't just throw them in there inside-out.
**[13:24] Choro**
It's a pain to have to reverse them.
**[13:27] Oso**
Huh? But isn't it better
if they're inside-out?
**[13:31] Oso**
I mean, it's the inside that stinks
and soaks up all the sweat.
**[13:36] Oso**
That goes for underwear, too.
The side that your dick touched is dirty.
**[13:40] Oso**
So what's wrong with throwing
them in there like that?
**[13:44] Oso**
What? You gonna tell me I'm wrong?
**[13:51] Choro**
I'll go ahead and wash that
smug heart for you, as well.
**[14:07] Ichi**
Wee-ooh!
**[14:10] Ichi**
The vacuum cleaner is an ambulance!
**[14:12] Ichi**
If you hear it coming, move out of the way!
**[14:14] Ichi**
The vacuum cleaner is an ambulance!
**[14:19] Kara**
Th-The grill... is so hard to clean.
**[14:23] Kara**
Hey, you guys! We're never eating grilled
fish in this household ever again!
**[14:28] Kara**
Got it?!
**[14:30] Choro**
Hey.
**[14:32] Choro**
Man, why couldn't the Riceballs
be around at a time like this?
**[14:37] Ichi**
#*$^%(@ the toilet seat $*@#(%!
**[14:39] Ichi**
The toilet seat! #*$^%(@
the toilet seat $*@#(%!
**[14:40] Choro**
What? I have no idea what you're saying!
**[14:42] Choro**
Calm down, Ichimatsu!
**[14:44] Ichi**
Put the toilet seat down,
sit, and take a piss.
**[14:48] Ichi**
You're gonna get your filth everywhere!
**[14:51] Choro**
What? It's not gonna get everywhere.
**[14:54] Ichi**
You try cleaning it.
You'll see how much it gets around.
**[14:58] Ichi**
Now clean it. Clean it yourself.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
**[15:08] Choro**
Let's put the toilet seat
down and sit before peeing.
**[15:19] Both**
#*$^%(@ the toilet seat $*@#(%!
**[15:20] Oso**
Huh?! What?!
**[15:24] Todo**
Bath towels dry quicker if
you hang them up diagonally.
**[15:28] Todo**
That's what it says on the internet.
**[15:33] Todo**
The best thing for stains
in carpets is vinegar.
**[15:37] Todo**
You should be using baking
soda for oil stains!
**[15:40] Todo**
Use mandarin peels to get rid
of smells in the microwave!
**[15:42] Todo**
You'll get less pilling on sweaters
if you turn them inside-out.
**[15:46] Todo**
To get rid of water scale,
use salt and grapefruit...
**[15:53] Ichi**
Chores aren't gonna get done with
internet wisdom alone, dumbass!
**[15:56] Kara**
Move your body!
**[15:58] Jyushi**
You moron!
**[16:03] Todo**
Oh, God! It's gonna rip off!
**[16:09] Ichi**
Hey.
**[16:10] Ichi**
What are we going to do
about dinner tonight?
**[16:13] Choro**
Oh, good point.
**[16:17] Oso**
Are you going shopping?
**[16:18] Ichi**
Yeah. I'm gonna go to the supermarket.
**[16:20] Oso**
What about money?
**[16:21] Ichi**
Mom gave me some.
**[16:22] Oso**
Oh, really? GLHF.
**[16:25] Ichi**
You're coming with me.
**[16:27] Ichi**
You're the only one who
hasn't done anything yet.
**[16:29] Ichi**
I'm onto you.
**[16:32] Jyushi**
GLHF.
**[16:51] Todo**
I can't... fold... long-sleeved T-shirts!
**[16:55] Todo**
I want to murder something!
**[17:01] Kara**
Whew, good grief. I'm finally done.
**[17:09] Kara**
Heh... Finished.
**[17:19] Kara**
*I-It's neverending...*
**[17:21] Kara**
*What's going on?*
**[17:23] Kara**
* Could it be that I'm washing dishes*
* only to produce more dishes to wash?!*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka
Mart
**[17:35] Oso**
Hey, look, Ichimatsu.
***SIGN*** As Advertised
***SIGN*** Bankun
***SIGN*** As Advertised
***SIGN*** Schau Rassen
**[17:37] Oso**
I never knew wieners cost so much.
**[17:41] Ichi**
I had no idea.
**[17:43] Ichi**
I guess that's why we only get
to eat them every now and then.
***SIGN*** Miso, Dashi
***SIGN*** Dried Food, Nori
**[17:48] Oso**
Hey, look, Ichimatsu.
**[17:50] Oso**
Roasted nori's so expensive!
***SIGN*** Roasted Nori
***SIGN*** Seasonal Item
***SIGN*** Roasted Nori
**[17:51] Oso**
I never knew roasted nori cost so much.
**[17:54] Ichi**
I had no idea.
**[17:55] Ichi**
I guess that's why Mom gets mad
at us if we just keep eating it.
**[18:11] Lady**
This register's open!
**[18:14] Oso**
Congrats. You ended up picking
the line that'll take the longest.
**[18:23] Ichi**
Hey! Don't just throw whatever in there!
**[18:24] Ichi**
Take all that out!
**[18:26] Ichi**
Seriously... Why would you put
anything soft at the bottom?
**[18:30] Ichi**
You put the solid, heavy stuff at the bottom.
**[18:32] Ichi**
Like these cans or the breast meat!
**[18:35] Ichi**
Got it?
**[18:40] Ichi**
How in the world?
**[18:41] Ichi**
Divide them so each bag
weighs about the same.
**[18:44] Ichi**
They'll be hard to carry otherwise.
**[18:48] Ichi**
Hang on a second!
**[18:50] Ichi**
Don't put prepared side dishes in as-is!
You need to put them in plastic bags.
**[19:02] Ichi**
The hell are you doing?
**[19:08] Ichi**
What the hell are you doing?
**[19:13] Choro**
So cold! The pain!
**[19:29] Ichi**
They're so heavy...
**[19:30] Oso**
So heavy...
**[19:32] Oso**
I guess shopping is hard labor.
**[19:35] Ichi**
Mom deserves to be paid.
**[19:39] Oso**
Whoa.
**[19:40] Oso**
Look at the time...
**[19:42] Oso**
I guess it takes a while.
**[19:44] Ichi**
Let's hurry home. My hands hurt.
**[19:47] Oso**
Yeah.
**[19:50] Ichi**
Tissue boxes and toilet paper
are pretty cheap, today only.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Drugs
**[19:54] Ichi**
Should we buy some?
**[19:56] Oso**
Uh, how?
**[19:57] Oso**
We already have so much to carry.
**[19:59] Ichi**
But it's only for today. And they're cheap.
**[20:02] Oso**
Let's not. I can't carry any more.
**[20:04] Ichi**
But it's today only.
**[20:06] Oso**
What?
**[20:09] Oso**
Should we buy some, then?
**[20:11] Ichi**
But it'd be heavy.
**[20:12] Oso**
But it's cheap.
**[20:13] Ichi**
But it's heavy.
**[20:14] Oso**
But it's cheap.
**[20:14] Ichi**
But it's heavy.
**[20:15] Oso**
But it's cheap.
**[20:16] Both**
What to do?
**[20:48] Oso**
Mom... we're done.
**[20:55] Ichi**
Here's dinner.
**[20:57] Ichi**
We did the cleaning and laundry, too.
**[21:00] Kara**
There aren't any dishes left, either.
**[21:03] Kara**
I washed the pots and pans we used, as well.
**[21:06] Todo**
Sorry... about this morning!
**[21:09] All**
We're sorry!
**[21:12] Todo**
So... do you forgive us?
**[21:20] Six**
Thank goodness!
**[21:27] Dad**
I'm home.
**[21:29] Six**
It's Dad!
**[21:32] Dad**
You guys made all this? That's amazing.
**[21:36] Jyushi**
Go on, have some!
**[21:37] Choro**
Before it gets cold.
**[21:39] Dad**
Nah, I'm good.
**[21:41] Six**
Huh?
**[21:42] Dad**
I had dinner with some work buddies
tonight, so I don't need dinner.
**[21:49] Ichi**
If you're going to eat out...
**[21:52] Todo**
...you need to...
**[21:54] All**
...call home first!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Todo**
Hello!
**[23:35] Todo**
Youngest brother Matsuno Todomatsu here!
**[23:37] Todo**
On the next Mr. *Osomatsu*,
we have "Werewolf."
**[23:40] Todo**
That's right! The game where we try to
figure out who the nasty ol' werewolf is!
**[23:46] Todo**
I wish I was playing it with girls, though.
**[23:48] Todo**
Why's it gotta be with my brothers?
***SIGN*** "Werewolf" etc.
**[23:51] Todo**
Could someone just execute them already?
# E10 - Werewolf
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYKKD5P8Y/werewolf)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Closure Notice We will be closed for a while. We apologize for any inconvenience. Owner
**[01:37] Deka**
Social distancing, quarantine...
Everything's closed.
***SIGN*** We will be closed
due to reasons
***SIGN*** We will be closed
for this time period
**[01:42] Deka**
Everyone in town is on edge.
**[01:45] Deka**
They get mad so easily.
**[01:47] Hata**
It's so sad, jo.
**[01:48] Chibi**
My business isn't doing that great, either,
**[01:51] Chibi**
but the moment I do anything to
draw attention to it, I get bashed.
**[01:54] Chibi**
I hope something good will happen soon.
**[02:01] ---**
What's that?
***SIGN*** Black Cat
**[02:07] Chibi**
Iyami?!
**[02:08] Chibi**
What the hell is he doing?
**[02:18] Dayon**
Dayon!
***SIGN*** Black Cat
**[02:32] Hata**
Jo!
**[02:33] Dayon**
Dayon!
**[02:46] Ann**
It's that time of year again.
We reach the impregnable fortress.
**[02:52] Ann**
ZANSU!
**[02:54] Ann**
Will any of the challengers complete
our difficult course this year?
**[02:57] Ann**
Will they be able to bring life back
to a thoroughly exhausted Japan?
**[03:03] Hata**
Jo...
***SIGN*** Mr. Flag Hatabou
***SIGN*** 1st Stage
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[03:07] Hata**
Jo.
**[03:09] Ann**
And he's down!
***SIGN*** Dekapan Labs Dekapan
***SIGN*** Dekapan
***SIGN*** 1st Stage
**[03:18] Ann**
And he's down!
***SIGN*** Chibita
***SIGN*** Dayon
**[03:29] Iyami**
Dayon! Keep calm!
**[03:31] Iyami**
There's still time! Yes! That's it!
**[03:40] Ann**
Goal!
**[03:42] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Iyami
**[03:44] Chibi**
Hell yeah! Way to go, Iyami!
**[03:48] Guy**
We will now take fifteen
minutes to rearrange the set.
**[03:52] Iyami**
Hello? Me got through the first stage.
**[03:55] Uggo**
*For real? Good job!*
**[03:57] Iyami**
Me is about to start the second stage.
**[03:59] Uggo**
*Well, keep calm.*
***SIGN*** 2nd Stage
**[04:17] Iyami**
Sheeeh...
**[04:19] Iyami**
Sheh? Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh! Sheeeh!
**[04:23] Ann**
And he's down!
***SIGN*** Iyami
**[04:26] Ann**
What happened, Iyami?
How could this have happened?
**[04:28] Ann**
Did he let his guard down
at the last second?!
**[04:31] Ann**
No one completes ZANSU this year.
**[04:34] Ann**
Unfortunately, no one was able
to bring life back to Japan!
**[04:40] Oso**
Hold it.
**[04:45] Chibi**
Wh-Who the hell?
**[04:48] Iyami**
Who are they?
**[04:51] Oso**
We are the ultimate sextuplets
created by Akatsuka.
**[04:54] Oso**
They call us...
**[04:55] All**
F6 2020!
**[04:58] Oso**
Okay, here we go, boys!
**[05:00] All**
Yeah!
**[05:00] Chibi**
Hey! Who the hell said
you could participate?!
**[05:03] Chibi**
Did you even register?
**[05:19] Chibi**
Welp, I guess they were just for show.
**[05:22] Iyami**
This isn't that easy!
**[05:24] Dayon**
Go home!
**[05:28] Some**
It's not over yet.
**[05:33] Todo**
We're F6! And we're the best!
**[05:37] Chibi**
Huh?!
**[05:38] Chibi**
Why'd you get back up?
That's cheating, you idjit!
**[05:43] Todo**
*Oh, no!*
**[05:53] Jyushi**
Are you hurt, my angel?
**[05:55] Todo**
Nii-san...
**[05:57] Chibi**
Cheaters! You're helping each other!
**[06:08] Choro**
Ichi...
**[06:08] Ichi**
Choro!
**[06:09] Chibi**
Stop that!
**[06:11] Choro**
Kondan Einen...
**[06:12] Choro**
...Shizai Law!
**[06:18] Chibi**
Is this okay?!
**[06:21] Three**
Hi-yah!
**[06:33] Kara**
Hi-yah!
**[06:41] Ichi**
My foot...
**[06:51] Oso**
Don't forget that I'm your
safety net, Ichimatsu.
**[06:54] Ichi**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** F6 Jyushimatsu
**[07:04] Choro**
Don't forget that I'm your stagehand.
**[07:06] Jyushi**
True.
**[07:08] Ann**
After showing off their brotherly
love and amazing teamwork,
**[07:11] Ann**
F6 makes it to the final event at last!
**[07:19] Oso**
I-It won't go up...
**[07:21] Chibi**
You can do it!
**[07:22] Iyami**
You've got this!
**[07:27] Oso**
Y-You guys!
**[07:29] Todo**
Go, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[07:31] Oso**
But...
**[07:32] Jyushi**
It's okay. We'd happily sacrifice
ourselves for you, Nii-san.
**[07:36] Ichi**
Go, Osomatsu!
**[07:37] Oso**
But...
**[07:38] Todo**
You dummy! Osomatsu-niisan, you dummy!
**[07:41] Jyushi**
We're not commoners. We're F6.
**[07:44] Jyushi**
Humanity's put all of their hope in us!
**[07:46] Ichi**
We can't stop here!
**[07:50] Oso**
I'm sorry... my brothers!
**[08:03] Oso**
You guys!
**[08:04] Kara**
Go!
**[08:05] Choro**
Please go.
**[08:07] Oso**
But...
**[08:07] Both**
You dumbass!
**[08:10] Oso**
Choromatsu! Karamatsu!
**[08:13] Ann**
Now... the eldest brother, Osomatsu,
has finally gotten this far.
**[08:17] Ann**
This is the last panel!
**[08:21] Ann**
We've completely blown past the time limit,
**[08:23] Ann**
but no one cares about that anymore.
**[08:26] Oso**
I won't let your deaths be in vain.
**[08:31] All**
You've got this!
**[08:32] All**
Don't lose!
**[08:41] Oso**
You guys!
**[08:43] Kara**
Our individual strengths
are nothing special.
**[08:46] Choro**
Frankly, we are weak.
**[08:49] Ichi**
That's why we waver.
We run away and we yield.
**[08:52] Jyushi**
So what should we do when
a huge wall stands before us?
**[08:56] Todo**
The answer's simple.
We just have to work together.
**[09:01] Oso**
Here we go!
**[09:08] All**
F6!
**[09:18] Ann**
Th-They cleared the level!
**[09:22] Iyami**
They did it!
**[09:26] Some**
Thank you!
**[09:31] Some**
Thank you!
**[09:35] Some**
Thank you, F6!
**[09:36] All**
F6! F6! F6! F6! F6! F6!
**[09:39] Ann**
The whole world feels better now!
***SIGN*** F6 Clears All Stages
**[10:23] Todo**
H-He's...
**[10:26] Todo**
He's been eaten!
**[10:29] Todo**
These claw marks... They belong to a wolf!
**[10:32] Todo**
Which must mean... there's one in this house...
***SIGN*** "Werewolf"
**[10:36] Todo**
A werewolf!
**[10:40] Todo**
* Werewolves. Fearsome beasts that*
* disguise themselves as humans*
**[10:45] Todo**
* during the day to hide their true*
* forms and devour humans at night...*
**[10:50] Todo**
*And that beast is among us.*
**[10:53] Todo**
*Who is it? Who could it be?*
**[10:56] Todo**
*Who could be the werewolf among us?*
***SIGN*** Wolf
**[11:01] Oso**
Hey, you're not gonna have any snacks?
**[11:04] Oso**
You don't want any? Why not?
***SIGN*** Wolf
**[11:07] Oso**
You're full? Oh, I see.
**[11:10] Jyushi**
Who's the werewolf?
**[11:11] Todo**
Just who is the werewolf?
**[11:13] Choro**
Please fess up.
**[11:14] Jyushi**
Is it you?
**[11:15] Todo**
Is it you?
**[11:16] Choro**
Is it you?
**[11:17] All**
Who is the werewolf?!
**[11:21] Oso**
You okay? Not feeling well?
***SIGN*** Stomach Medicine
**[11:24] Oso**
Aw, you ate too much last night? I see.
**[11:27] Todo**
We have no other choice.
Let's figure this out using executions!
**[11:31] Oso**
Executions? Wait, how does that work?
**[11:33] Todo**
We'll all vote on who we think the werewolf is
**[11:35] Todo**
and execute them based on that.
**[11:38] Oso**
What?! We're doing something that violent?
**[11:41] Jyushi**
Well, that's how you exterminate werewolves.
**[11:45] Oso**
What? Let's not.
**[11:47] Oso**
I don't like executions.
**[11:50] Todo**
First, let's name off our occupations.
**[11:53] Todo**
The werewolf shouldn't be able
to disclose their occupation.
**[11:56] Todo**
This will weed them out.
**[11:57] Todo**
Let's start with you.
**[11:59] Jyushi**
I'm a villager. A villager from NEET Village.
**[12:01] Todo**
What kind of dumb place is that?
I hope it gets razed.
**[12:05] Todo**
Well, whatever. Villager,
right? I'll believe you.
**[12:08] todo**
What about you?
**[12:09] Oso**
I'm a villager, too!
**[12:11] Jyushi**
Are you?
**[12:12] Oso**
Huh?
**[12:12] Jyushi**
Are you really a villager?
**[12:14] Oso**
Huh? Yeah...
**[12:16] Jyushi**
Seems shady to me.
**[12:17] Todo**
What about you?
**[12:29] Ichi**
I'm a villager, wolf.
**[12:34] Ichi**
It's the truth, wolf.
**[12:36] Todo**
All right. I believe you.
**[12:40] Todo**
So, what's your occupation?
**[12:43] Choro**
O-Of course, I'm a villager!
**[12:47] Choro**
*But my true occupation is traitor!*
**[12:50] Choro**
* I'll side with the werewolf to*
* further confuse these humans!*
**[12:55] Jyushi**
Wait, there's only one more left, right?
**[12:58] Jysuhi**
And that means...
**[12:59] Jyushi**
Wait, is your occupation...
**[13:02] Oso**
W-Wait, is it you?
**[13:06] Todo**
No, I'm not the werewolf.
**[13:09] Todo**
My occupation is...
**[13:12] Todo**
fortuneteller!
**[13:13] Both**
Fortuneteller?
**[13:14] Choro**
What?
**[13:15] Todo**
A fortuneteller can find out one's
true occupation just once per day.
**[13:21] Todo**
I'm a key figure in leading
the human side to victory!
**[13:24] Both**
Holy crap!
**[13:25] Oso**
Hey, tell me my fortune, then!
**[13:27] Todo**
Huh?
**[13:27] Jyushi**
No fair! Tell me mine, too.
**[13:29] Todo**
Uh, hang on...
**[13:30] Oso**
When am I gonna get a girlfriend?
**[13:32] Jyushi**
Which pro baseball team's
gonna win next year?
**[13:34] Todo**
That's not what my skills are for!
**[13:36] Todo**
I'm supposed to use them
to find the werewolf!
**[13:38] Todo**
You guys don't get the
rules at all, do you?!
**[13:43] Choro**
Wait just a moment.
**[13:45] Choro**
I am also a fortuneteller.
**[13:47] Oso**
What? There are two fortunetellers?
**[13:49] Jyushi**
What's going on?
**[13:51] Todo**
*So you've shown yourself, imposter.*
**[13:54] Choro**
*Werewolf, leave this to me.*
**[13:58] Ichi**
*Who is he trying to signal to?*
**[14:01] Jyushi**
*He keeps winking at me!*
**[14:03] Jyushi**
*Yikes! Creepy!*
**[14:05] Ichi**
*Hey. Hey, hey. Awoo!*
**[14:09] Jyushi**
* Well, whatever.*
* I guess I'll return the favor.*
**[14:13] Ichi**
*Huh? Why's he winking back now?*
**[14:16] Ichi**
*Oh, they must be close.*
**[14:18] Todo**
Don't let him fool you!
He's probably the traitor!
**[14:21] Todo**
I'm the real fortuneteller!
**[14:24] Choro**
No, I am the fortuneteller.
**[14:26] Todo**
I'm the fortuneteller!
**[14:27] Choro**
I'm the fortuneteller!
**[14:28] Todo**
I'm the fortuneteller!
**[14:29] Jyushi**
I'm the fortuneteller, too, then!
**[14:31] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:31] Oso**
I'm the fortuneteller, too!
**[14:33] Todo**
Huh?!
**[14:33] Choro**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:34] Jyushi**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:34] Oso**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:35] Todo**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:36] All**
Please, go ahead.
**[14:38] Todo**
Wait, what are we doing?
**[14:40] Todo**
This isn't how the game works!
**[14:41] Todo**
Jeez! I'm the fortuneteller!
**[14:44] Choro**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:45] Jyushi**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:45] Oso**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:46] Todo**
Fortuneteller!
**[14:47] All**
Please, go ahead.
**[14:48] Todo**
Stop! Take this seriously!
**[14:50] Todo**
You two have nothing to do with this!
Why do you keep butting in?!
**[14:53] Todo**
Fine! I don't care!
**[14:55] Todo**
If we can't find the werewolf
before night falls,
**[14:57] Todo**
we're going to be killed!
**[14:59] Oso**
Killed?
**[15:00] Jyushi**
What do you mean?
**[15:02] Todo**
The werewolf turns back into a
wolf and eats humans at night.
**[15:06] Both**
What?!
**[15:08] Todo**
You two are way too clueless. Go home.
**[15:10] Choro**
You there, stop lying.
**[15:12] Todo**
You're the one who's lying.
**[15:13] Todo**
It's fine. I just have to give my
reading, and we'll know the truth.
**[15:17] Todo**
Hey, crystal ball.
**[15:19] Todo**
What's this guy's true identity?
**[15:24] Todo**
I knew it! He's on the werewolf's side!
**[15:27] Choro**
I-I'm not! He's the traitor!
**[15:30] Choro**
He's just acting like a fortuneteller to
get rid of me, the real fortuneteller!
**[15:36] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:38] Oso**
What's that mean? This is confusing.
**[15:39] ---**
I'm saying—
**[15:40] Todo**
It's the traitor's job to confuse
everyone! I'm the fortuneteller!
**[15:44] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:45] Oso**
We're trying to find the werewolf, right?
Who cares who the fortuneteller is?
**[15:49] Both**
Again, the fortuneteller is the
one who can find the werewolf!
**[15:53] Oso**
What are you guys talking about?
**[15:53] Todo**
Why don't you get it?
**[15:54] Todo**
The fortuneteller is super important!
**[15:55] Choro**
You need the fortuneteller
to figure out the werewolf!
**[16:01] Both**
We're not getting through to him at all.
**[16:04] Jyushi**
*Damn it. Who am I supposed to believe here?*
**[16:07] Jyushi**
*Oh, I know.*
**[16:09] Jyushi**
Hey, who do you think we should execute?
**[16:13] Jyushi**
Pick someone.
**[16:15] Jyushi**
Pretty please.
**[16:16] Ichi**
In that case...
**[16:18] Todo**
Huh?!
**[16:18] Ichi**
We should execute that fortuneteller, wolf.
**[16:21] Jyushi**
Okay!
**[16:22] Todo**
What?!
**[16:23] Jyushi**
Fortuneteller! You're the one who's gonna die!
**[16:26] Todo**
You totally admitted that
I'm the fortuneteller! Why?!
**[16:28] Choro**
Quit struggling!
**[16:29] Todo**
Let go of me!
**[16:30] Todo**
I said let go of me!
**[16:31] Oso**
H-Hey...
**[16:33] Oso**
Let's stop this!
**[16:34] ---**
Stop it!
**[16:36] Oso**
Please?
**[16:38] Jyushi**
Die!
**[16:40] Oso**
Stop this right now!
**[16:44] Choro**
Why did you stop us?
**[16:45] Jyushi**
I knew it! He's been suspicious
right from the start!
**[16:49] Todo**
What? Don't tell me—
**[16:51] Jyushi**
Who are you?!
**[16:52] Jyushi**
Tell us your true occupation!
**[16:57] Oso**
Guess the cat's out of the bag.
**[17:00] Oso**
My true occupation is...
**[17:05] Oso**
The Calming Detective, Osomatsu!
**[17:09] Oso**
Man, it's been so long! What, five years now?
**[17:13] Jyushi**
Wh-Wh-Who are you? No, really, who are you?
**[17:16] Oso**
The Calming Detective.
**[17:17] Jyushi**
You're not a villager?
**[17:19] Oso**
Nope.
**[17:19] Todo**
You're a detective?
**[17:20] Oso**
Yup! You're forgetting the
"calming" part, though.
**[17:23] Oso**
Man, it's been so long, you guys!
**[17:25] Todo**
Uh, we don't know you! Who the hell are you?
**[17:27] Choro**
The Calming Detective...
I've heard of him before.
**[17:30] Todo**
Huh?
**[17:31] Choro**
The number of cases he's
investigated so far exceeds 2,000.
**[17:34] Todo**
That many?!
**[17:35] Choro**
But he hasn't solved a single mystery.
**[17:37] Todo**
Huh?!
**[17:39] Choro**
He has one role and one role alone...
**[17:41] Choro**
While we're all on edge trying to figure
out who the suspect is at a murder scene,
**[17:47] Choro**
he tries to calm the atmosphere.
**[17:48] Choro**
That's the Calming Detective!
**[17:50] Todo**
So he's completely useless!
**[17:52] Choro**
See, look! He's about to work his magic now.
**[17:56] Oso**
Come on. Let's stop looking for the suspect.
**[17:59] Oso**
You're ruining the mood.
**[18:00] Jyushi**
Huh?! How?! There's a werewolf here!
**[18:03] Oso**
Well, that just happens in life.
**[18:05] Jyushi**
Huh?!
**[18:06] Oso**
Okay, okay. Where's the victim's body, then?
**[18:10] Oso**
Take me there. I'll investigate the scene.
**[18:12] Oso**
I am a detective, after all.
**[18:14] Ichi**
Over here, wolf.
**[18:15] Oso**
Thanks!
**[18:23] Todo**
Well? Did you figure anything out?
**[18:28] Todo**
What are you doing? Investigate already.
**[18:30] Oso**
Wow, look! Ants!
Look at them go! Great job!
**[18:39] Oso**
Pubes.
**[18:42] Oso**
Hey! Whose pubes are these?!
Hey! Whose are they?
**[18:46] Jyushi**
Stop! They're not mine!
**[18:47] Choro**
So embarrassing!
**[18:51] ---**
Hey, whose are they?
**[18:53] Oso**
Let me take a closer look!
**[18:55] Todo**
Don't look for the owner of the pubes!
Look for the damn werewolf!
**[18:57] Oso**
Hey, Mr. Inspector!
**[18:59] Todo**
I'm not an inspector. I'm a fortuneteller.
**[19:01] Oso**
Inspector!
**[19:02] Todo**
Are you even listening?
**[19:04] Oso**
I have solved this case!
**[19:06] Todo**
Liar.
**[19:09] Oso**
The true identity of the werewolf...
**[19:30] Todo**
Too long.
**[19:38] Todo**
Too long!
**[19:43] Todo**
That's long enough!
**[19:54] Todo**
Seriously, what the hell are you doing?!
**[19:59] Choro**
This is so calming!
**[20:00] Ichi**
So calming, wolf!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu's
Grave
**[20:58] Jyushi**
Man, this is amazing.
**[21:00] Jyushi**
I'm so calm right now.
**[21:02] Jyushi**
Who cares about the werewolf anymore?
**[21:04] Todo**
Execution is bad. I apologize.
**[21:07] Choro**
Hey, real fortuneteller.
**[21:09] Choro**
Have you had the gibier yet?
It'll all be gone soon.
**[21:12] Todo**
Traitor...
**[21:14] Ichi**
Here, have some beer.
**[21:15] Todo**
Werewolf...
**[21:17] Todo**
I can't believe this was all
resolved so peacefully.
**[21:20] Todo**
The Calming Detective is pretty amazing.
**[21:24] Oso**
There we go.
**[21:26] Oso**
Well, I should get going.
Invite me again sometime.
**[21:29] Todo**
Oh, you're leaving already?
**[21:31] Oso**
Yup, I've got my part-time job. See ya.
**[21:34] Jyushi**
Thanks!
**[21:34] Choro**
Yeah, thanks.
**[21:35] Ichi**
You're a lifesaver.
**[21:40] Jyushi**
Well, let's go stuff ourselves with food.
**[21:43] All**
Yay!
**[21:46] Choro**
Hey, wolf...
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Oso**
Oh, hey. It's me, Osomatsu.
**[23:36] Oso**
Next time on *Mr. Osomatsu*, it's "Pizza."
**[23:39] Oso**
Yeah, I wanna be reborn into a
world where a virgin NEET can get
**[23:42] Oso**
super popular just by eating
pizza and drinking beer.
**[23:44] Oso**
So that's what the next
episode will be about.
**[23:46] Oso**
Wait, it's not?
**[23:48] Oso**
I didn't do the preview properly?
***SIGN*** "Pizza" etc.
**[23:51] Oso**
But you know... that's nothing new.
# E11 - Pizza
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6VM9NXP6/pizza)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Do It"
**[01:38] Oso**
I'm cold. I'm tired.
**[01:40] Oso**
Karamatsu, are we going to make it in time?
**[01:42] Kara**
We should probably hurry a bit.
***SIGN*** New Machines!!
***SIGN*** Open at 10:00 Today
**[01:44] Kara**
The place opens at 10.
**[01:46] Oso**
Man, NEET life sure is busy.
**[01:51] Oso**
So...
**[01:52] Oso**
Why are they coming with us?
**[01:53] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[01:55] Oso**
They keep doing that lately. What's with that?
**[01:58] Kara**
They say they want to
understand "sheeeh" better.
**[02:00] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[02:00] Oso**
Huh?
**[02:00] Kara**
But they keep getting the timing
and the technique wrong.
**[02:04] Shake**
Can we ask you a question,
Shitty Eldest Brother?
**[02:07] Oso**
Don't call me that.
**[02:09] Shake**
When are you supposed to use "sheeeh"?
**[02:11] Oso**
Huh? How the hell should I know?
**[02:13] Oso**
You just sorta do it.
**[02:14] Kara**
Hmm...
**[02:16] Kara**
Maybe it's when we're surprised.
**[02:18] Both**
Surprised?
**[02:18] Oso**
Nah, these guys are emotionless morons.
They wouldn't understand that.
**[02:22] Kara**
I see. In that case...
**[02:24] Kara**
When something unexpected happens.
**[02:27] Both**
Something unexpected?
**[02:31] Both**
We have adjusted our algorithm.
**[02:33] Ume**
By the way, why do you use "sheeeh"?
**[02:36] Kara**
Why?! Huh?!
**[02:37] Kara**
Um...
**[02:39] Kara**
Well... because it's funny, I guess?
**[02:42] Ume**
How would you describe "funny"?
**[02:45] Oso**
Oh, shut up. Stop making us use our
brains this early in the morning.
**[02:48] Oso**
This is why you AI suck.
**[02:51] Kara**
Osomatsu...
**[02:54] Oso**
Riceballs.
**[02:56] Oso**
Ta-da!
**[02:58] Kara**
Sheeeh!
**[03:00] Shake**
You mustn't strip naked in public!
**[03:02] Ume**
It's indecent exposure!
**[03:03] Oso**
No, do it!
**[03:04] Kara**
This is when you use "sheeeh"!
**[03:12] Kara**
Hey, it's Totoko-chan.
**[03:14] Oso**
You're right. She's so cute.
**[03:17] Toto**
Oh?
**[03:19] Toto**
What are you doing, Osomatsu-kun
and Karamatsu-kun?
**[03:22] Kara**
Well, uh...
**[03:23] Oso**
We're headed to pachinko.
**[03:25] Toto**
Ah...
**[03:26] Oso**
What are you up to?
**[03:27] Toto**
Dance practice.
**[03:29] Kara**
R-Really? Well, do your best!
**[03:32] Toto**
Say, you two.
**[03:33] Toto**
You showed up at the perfect time.
I have a favor to ask.
**[03:37] Oso**
Huh?
**[03:40] Kara**
Huh?!
**[03:41] Kara**
Y-You want to hear your value
as an idol... one more time?
**[03:46] Toto**
Yup!
**[03:47] Toto**
Because last time, they were too
nervous after meeting my cute self.
**[03:51] Toto**
I think that's probably why they
gave me such a weird score.
**[03:55] Toto**
So I wanted to get the right score this time.
**[03:59] Kara**
Yeah, but... you know...
**[04:01] Kara**
Right?
**[04:03] Oso**
I don't see why not.
**[04:04] Kara**
Hey! You fool!
**[04:06] Toto**
Please!
**[04:09] Toto**
I want to know.
**[04:12] Kara**
Totoko-chan...
**[04:15] Kara**
I see.
**[04:17] Kara**
So your idol career isn't going very well...
**[04:21] Totoko**
Yeah... I'm not popular at all.
**[04:25] Totoko**
I don't even stand a chance
against my super uggo partner.
**[04:28] Totoko**
Does no one want to see a fish idol?
**[04:31] Kara**
That's not true! You're super cute!
**[04:34] Kara**
And fish are super healthy.
**[04:36] Kara**
You can prepare them all sorts of ways!
**[04:37] Oso**
Huh?
**[04:38] Shake**
May we do the "sheeeh" now?
**[04:40] Ume**
May we do the "sheeeh" now?
**[04:41] Oso**
No, no, no, absolutely not!
**[04:44] Oso**
You can't do it when
things are this serious!
**[04:47] Oso**
I mean, it is pretty unexpected to see
Totoko-chan lose confidence like this...
**[04:52] Oso**
But she'll lose her shit
if you do that right now.
**[04:55] Oso**
Just keep quiet!
**[04:58] Oso**
*Pieces of junk...*
**[05:02] Toto**
Maybe I'm not that cute after all.
**[05:05] Rice**
Shee—
**[05:08] Oso**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[05:12] Both**
Ow.
**[05:12] Oso**
That was absolutely not the time to do that!
**[05:15] Shake**
But Yowai-san being so insecure...
**[05:18] Ume**
...is completely unexpected.
**[05:21] Oso**
No. You're not reading the room.
**[05:27] Toto**
Okay, I'm counting on you.
Give me my correct value as an idol.
**[05:32] Both**
As you wish. We will determine
your estimated value.
**[05:40] Shake**
The results are in.
**[05:41] Ume**
Your estimated value...
**[05:54] Both**
...is 100!
**[05:59] Oso**
Okay, excuse us for just one moment!
**[06:02] Oso**
What the hell are you two doing?!
**[06:04] Both**
Ow.
**[06:04] Oso**
How did she suddenly get 100?
**[06:06] Both**
We tried reading the room.
**[06:08] Oso**
That's all wrong. She wants
an accurate value right now.
**[06:12] Oso**
This wasn't the time to flatter her.
**[06:17] Toto**
It's my fault, isn't it?
**[06:20] Toto**
Because I flip out when
you give me a low score.
**[06:23] Toto**
But today, I really want to know my real score.
**[06:28] Toto**
I promise I won't get mad. Really!
**[06:32] Oso**
Totoko-chan...
**[06:35] Both**
The results are in!
**[06:36] shake**
Your estimated value...
**[06:38] ume**
...is 2.
**[06:45] Oso**
Uh... she's pretty pissed, isn't she?
**[06:47] Kara**
W-Will they be okay?
**[06:50] Both**
Totoko-chan?!
**[06:55] Toto**
How about now?
**[06:56] Shake**
Your estimated value...
**[06:58] Ume**
...is 1.
**[07:04] Oso**
I thought she promised not to get mad?
**[07:06] Kara**
Will they be okay?
**[07:11] Toto**
Okay, this!
**[07:12] Ume**
That's shit.
**[07:21] Shake**
Old guy who sexually harasses others.
**[07:22] Both**
Totoko-chan!
**[07:24] Ume**
Old lady who likes to cut in line.
**[07:29] Ume**
A pinch-hitter who strikes out looking.
**[07:33] Ume**
A middle reliever who just
throws four balls and leaves.
**[07:40] Toto**
Okay, here's my last outfit.
**[07:45] Toto**
I'm sure this won't work, though.
**[08:00] Both**
The results are in!
**[08:01] shake**
Your estimated value...
**[08:03] ume**
...is one million points!
***SIGN*** 1,000,000
**[08:05] Both**
Dat-dadada!
**[08:10] Toto**
Huh?
**[08:11] Both**
Of course!
**[08:12] Kara**
Totoko-chan! That's the best!
**[08:14] Shake**
Yes. There's no doubt this value is correct.
**[08:18] Ume**
Cats have maintained stable
popularity, even online,
**[08:21] Ume**
and so many more people will like you
better now that you're not a fish.
**[08:24] Kara**
Man, that's great! I guess
cats are better than fish.
**[08:30] Kara**
Huh?
**[08:31] Toto**
What's so wrong with fish?
Why are cats so much better?
**[08:38] Both**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[08:43] Both**
Do it!
**[08:45] Both**
Shee—
**[08:45] Both**
Too late!
***SIGN*** The Grave of Osomatsu and Karamatsu
**[08:59] Shake**
Guess we did it again.
**[09:01] Ume**
We sure did.
**[09:02] Shake**
We fail as support AI.
**[09:04] Ume**
We sure do.
**[09:09] Both**
Ta-da!
**[09:21] Both**
Do it!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Pizza"
**[09:55] Choro**
Huh?
**[09:56] Choro**
Pizza?
**[09:57] Choro**
You're gonna order?
**[09:58] Todo**
We're not ordering any.
**[09:59] Choro**
Huh?
**[10:00] Todo**
We're not ordering any, but we're talking
about what we would order if we did.
**[10:06] Choro**
So it's just hypothetical?
**[10:07] Todo**
Yeah. Hypothetical.
**[10:09] Choro**
What a total waste of time.
**[10:12] Ichi**
What would you get?
**[10:14] Choro**
Huh?
**[10:16] Choro**
Can we order as many as we want?
**[10:19] Ichi**
Let's just say two.
**[10:20] Todo**
We've gotta stick to a budget.
I mean, you're a NEET, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[10:23] Choro**
So are you!
**[10:26] Choro**
We're all going to eat these, right?
**[10:28] Todo**
Of course.
**[10:29] Choro**
Let's see... I wonder...
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
***SIGN*** Now even thicker!
**[10:33] Choro**
Hey, maybe this one. The Gluttonous Four.
***SIGN*** Now even thicker!
***SIGN*** Enjoy 4 kinds
of pizza in one!!
**[10:36] Choro**
We'll get the cheapest combination
to keep the price down,
**[10:39] Choro**
and we can ask for eight kinds in total,
so that should keep everyone satisfied.
**[10:43] Todo**
Well, that's boring.
**[10:44] Choro**
Huh?
**[10:45] Ichi**
God, you're boring, Fappymatsu-kun.
**[10:47] Ichi**
How simple are you?
That's not the point here.
**[10:51] Choro**
But wait. We're all eating them, right?
**[10:54] Choro**
If we get lots of different kinds,
we're less likely to get the wrong—
**[10:57] Todo**
So boring.
**[10:58] Choro**
Stop saying that.
**[11:00] Todo**
We're just saying what we'd get
if we *hypothetically* ordered pizza.
**[11:03] Todo**
Why are you being all logical about it?
**[11:05] ichi**
You have such a puny imagination.
You'll never get big or go anywhere.
**[11:10] Choro**
The hell is your problem?!
**[11:11] Choro**
Why do I have to get dissed this
much over hypothetical pizza?!
**[11:15] Choro**
You know, you guys always
make fun of me like this,
**[11:18] Choro**
but it's the rest of you that are messed up!
**[11:20] Choro**
I'm the most normal one
out in the real world!
**[11:23] Choro**
I'm gonna end up the happiest!
**[11:24] Choro**
Morons like you can spend the rest of
your lives eating imaginary pizza!
**[11:27] Choro**
You dumbasses! You pieces of trash!
**[11:29] Todo**
God, what a filthy mouth, you delinquent.
**[11:32] Choro**
What the hell would you pick, then?!
**[11:34] Tood**
What? I think one piece
of pizza is enough for me.
**[11:37] Todo**
They have way too many calories.
I gotta think about my beautiful face.
**[11:40] Both**
You piece of shit.
**[11:41] Todo**
Huh?
**[11:42] Choro**
You're just a piece of shit.
**[11:43] Choro**
Stop talking about calories and your
stupid face when we're talking about pizza!
**[11:47] Ichi**
What's with you? Do you
actually think you're popular?
**[11:50] Ichi**
I'm pretty sure, no,
positive that you're not.
**[11:52] Choro**
Not to mention how he's like,
"I'm totally in with girls. I totally get it,"
**[11:57] Choro**
but it's just all talk.
He never has anything to show for it.
**[12:02] Ichi**
It's all a facade.
**[12:03] Choro**
Oh, and one more thing. If you're not careful,
guys are gonna hate you.
**[12:07] Ichi**
No one wants a guy who's hated by other guys.
**[12:10] Choro**
Nope.
**[12:11] Both**
No one wants you.
**[12:16] Choro**
Damn, you're tough.
**[12:17] Ichi**
So what are we going to do about the pizza?
Let's hurry up and decide.
***SIGN*** Half off
when you pick it up!!
**[12:21] Todo**
Well, you pick.
**[12:22] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:23] Choro**
You haven't said anything yet, Ichimatsu.
**[12:25] Choro**
Which one would you get? Tell us.
**[12:27] Ichi**
Nah, I'm good.
**[12:29] Both**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[12:31] Todo**
Tell us. You're not getting out of this now.
**[12:34] Todo**
Why are you trying to run?
**[12:36] Choro**
This guy has no problem dragging others,
**[12:39] Choro**
but when the attention's on him,
he immediately runs away.
**[12:42] Todo**
Surprisingly, Ichimatsu-niisan has way
more pride than you, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[12:46] Ichi**
Shut up!
**[12:47] Choro**
He's also a cocky braggart.
**[12:48] Ichi**
Shut up.
**[12:49] Todo**
And the most childish.
**[12:50] Ichi**
Shut up.
**[12:51] Choro**
A wittle babby.
**[12:51] Ichi**
Shut up.
**[12:52] Todo**
Maybe we should get you some
babby fwood instead of pwizza.
**[12:55] Choro**
Wittle babby boy.
**[13:00] Choro**
So what crust should we get?
**[13:02] Todo**
I like thin crust.
**[13:04] Choro**
'Cause it lacks substance, like you?
**[13:05] Todo**
Wha?
**[13:06] Ichi**
I want some cola.
**[13:07] Choro**
That's a waste of money! We have tea at home.
**[13:10] Todo**
God, you're stingy.
**[13:11] Ichi**
Boring.
**[13:12] Choro**
Huh?
**[13:13] Ichi**
If you're that worried about money,
***SIGN*** Half off
when you pick it up!!
**[13:15] Ichi**
go pick it up. It makes it half price.
**[13:19] Both**
Then you go pick it up!
**[13:20] Ichi**
Huh?
**[13:21] Choro**
Quit running your mouth
and use your damn feet.
**[13:25] Todo**
Wait, do I sense trouble coming?
**[13:27] Ichi**
Definitely trouble.
**[13:31] Choro**
Why are you so wet?
**[13:33] Choro**
What were you doing?
**[13:34] Jyushi**
I went for a walk.
**[13:35] Choro**
In this rain?
**[13:36] Jyushi**
It just started raining out of nowhere.
**[13:39] Choro**
It wasn't out of nowhere.
It's been raining all day.
**[13:42] Choro**
Hey!
**[13:44] Jyushi**
Whatcha doin'?
**[13:45] Jyushi**
Ooh, pizza!
**[13:46] Jyushi**
Are we ordering some?
**[13:48] Todo**
Nope. We're just talking about what
we'd hypothetically get if we did.
**[13:52] Jyushi**
So you're delusional.
**[13:53] Todo**
Not quite.
**[13:54] Choro**
What would you get? We're
getting two. We're all sharing.
**[13:57] Jyushi**
What? Let's see...
**[14:01] Jyushi**
I want Chinese food!
**[14:03] All**
Huh?
**[14:04] Ichi**
Did you hear a word we just said?
We gave you a prompt.
**[14:07] Jyushi**
A prompt?
**[14:08] Ichi**
We told you to pick a pizza. If you say
you want Chinese, what's the point?
**[14:13] Choro**
You don't understand logic at all, do you?
**[14:15] Choro**
You're crazy.
**[14:17] Todo**
Also, why were you walking in the rain?
You're borderline. Borderline insane.
**[14:21] Ichi**
Do you realize how difficult it is for us?
**[14:24] Ichi**
You'd be nothing without us.
**[14:27] Ichi**
I seriously hope you realize you wouldn't
be funny at all if we weren't here.
**[14:30] Todo**
You could never be pizza,
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[14:33] Todo**
You're nothing more than a topping.
Basically, we'd be fine without you.
**[14:36] Jyushi**
I'll pick! I'll follow the prompt you gave me!
***SIGN*** Get more yeet
for your yen!!
**[14:41] Jyushi**
This pizza and this pizza!
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
**[14:44] All**
You're supposed to pick Chinese!
**[14:51] Oso**
Oh, pizza? We ordering some?
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
**[14:54] Todo**
Nope. We're just talking about what
we'd hypothetically get if we did.
**[14:58] Oso**
Ah...
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
**[14:59] Oso**
I'd pick this one, this one, and this one.
**[15:02] Todo**
Oh, we're only getting two.
**[15:04] Oso**
Then I'll get this one,
this one, this one, and this one.
**[15:07] Todo**
Stop ignoring the limit of two!
**[15:09] Choro**
Also, the ones you picked
**[15:11] Choro**
are just the ones you want to eat, aren't they?
**[15:13] Oso**
Yup.
**[15:14] Choro**
All six of us are going to eat them!
**[15:16] Oso**
Wait, really?
**[15:18] Choro**
Of course we are! God, would it
kill you to think of us for once?
**[15:21] Jyushi**
Our shitty older brother
planned to eat them all himself.
**[15:24] Oso**
But I mean, you guys would
want the pizzas I want, too.
**[15:27] All**
Why?!
**[15:28] Todo**
Your outlook is so messed up!
**[15:30] Ichi**
Seriously, there's
something wrong with him.
**[15:32] Choro**
Oh, what's this, Ichimatsu-kun?
**[15:34] Ichi**
Do you guys remember the
last time we ordered pizza?
**[15:38] Ichi**
He sneakily takes more than the rest of us.
**[15:42] Ichi**
And where it's cut in the center,
**[15:44] Ichi**
if there's a shrimp or a huge glob of cheese
or something there, he'll always take it!
**[15:51] Ichi**
Like it's the obvious thing to do,
without a shred of guilt!
**[15:54] Jyushi**
On our way home from that wedding, he said,
**[15:56] Jyushi**
"I don't think I could live with
someone," out of the blue,
**[15:58] Jyushi**
but it's more amazing we're
able to live with him at all!
**[16:01] Choro**
Right? No one in this world
would want to live with him.
**[16:05] Ichi**
What do you think about
that aspect of yourself?
**[16:08] Oso**
Well, you know...
**[16:11] Oso**
I'm just that kind of character.
**[16:12] Ichi**
I'll kill you.
**[16:13] Todo**
Just so you know,
we haven't accepted this.
**[16:16] Todo**
We just have no other choice.
**[16:18] Choro**
Exactly! I couldn't have
put it better myself.
**[16:19] Choro**
We don't actually
forgive everything you do.
**[16:21] Oso**
Okay, jeez. You guys are so picky.
**[16:25] Oso**
I'll let it slide, though,
since I'm the oldest.
**[16:30] Oso**
Huh?
**[16:31] Todo**
Never mind.
**[16:32] Jyushi**
We won't expect anything.
**[16:33] Choro**
Nothing.
**[16:34] Oso**
Huh?
**[16:36] Jyushi**
Which one are you picking,
Karamatsu-niisan?
**[16:38] Kara**
Huh?
**[16:40] Kara**
You mean pizza?
**[16:43] Kara**
Just pick whatever ones you want.
**[16:45] Kara**
I'm fine with whatever.
**[16:47] All**
Wh-Whatever?
**[16:49] Oso**
Wait, what?
**[16:53] Jyushi**
Hang on a sec.
**[16:54] Kara**
Huh?
**[16:55] Jyushi**
Have a seat.
**[16:56] Jyushi**
We'll set the pizzas aside for a sec.
**[16:57] Jyushi**
Let's talk about you, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[16:59] All**
Yes, let's.
**[17:00] Kara**
Huh?!
**[17:04] Todo**
Do you really think stuff
like that, Karamatsu-niisan?
**[17:07] Todo**
You're really okay with
whatever pizzas we pick?
**[17:10] Kara**
Yes, whatever you choose,
**[17:14] Kara**
I'll accept your choices, my brothers!
**[17:18] Jyushi**
What do you really think, though?
**[17:20] Kara**
Huh?
**[17:21] Ichi**
What's going on in your head?
**[17:22] Choro**
We just can't read you, Karamatsu.
**[17:25] Oso**
Yeah, you're a mystery.
**[17:27] Todo**
Is there really no pizza you'd want?
**[17:30] Kara**
No.
**[17:30] Todo**
Of course there is!
And we want to know what it is!
**[17:33] Kara**
But I don't have one!
**[17:34] Jyu**
You really don't like
letting people in, do you?
**[17:37] Choro**
He seems nice, but he's actually exclusive.
**[17:39] Oso**
Exclusivematsu.
**[17:40] Ichi**
Exclusivematsu.
**[17:44] Kara**
Okay, then, let me just say this.
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
**[17:46] Kara**
This is just hypothetical, right?
**[17:48] Kara**
We're not actually ordering pizza, right?
**[17:50] Kara**
So what do we get from picking?
What a pain in the ass.
**[17:53] Ichi**
Wait, is that what you've
thought this whole time?
**[17:56] Kara**
Yeah.
**[17:57] Kara**
I thought, "Man, they're
talking about something dumb.
**[18:00] Kara**
This sucks." That's why I tried to end it.
**[18:04] Kara**
I don't want to waste any more time.
I'm Exclusivematsu? Fine by me.
**[18:08] Kara**
I'd be more than happy to be
free from this dumbass topic.
**[18:11] Jyushi**
Uh, you can go to the bathroom now...
**[18:14] Kara**
It's not like I really have to go.
I just wanted to get the hell outta here.
**[18:17] Kara**
Why, you ask?
**[18:18] Kara**
Because you shitheads wouldn't stop
talking about this shitty topic
**[18:21] Kara**
and kept yapping and yapping and yapping...
**[18:24] Both**
Sorry, we're sorry...
**[18:24] Kara**
Exclusivematsu? Go on, call me that.
**[18:26] Kara**
Call me Exclusivematsu-niisan. Come on.
**[18:28] ---**
We're sorry.
**[18:30] Kara**
Well?
**[18:32] Choro**
I guess "Exclusivematsu" was a landmine.
**[18:34] Ichi**
Let's not do that again.
**[18:40] Todo**
What're we gonna do?
**[18:41] Choro**
About what?
**[18:42] Todo**
We need to decide on the pizzas.
**[18:44] Choro**
We really don't, though.
**[18:50] Kara**
You know, pizza didn't exist a long time ago.
**[18:53] Kara**
Didn't it suddenly appear out of nowhere?
**[18:56] Oso**
True. When was that?
**[18:59] Todo**
When did we first eat pizza?
**[19:03] Kara**
A pizza bun from a convenience store?
**[19:05] Ichi**
Might be.
**[19:06] Todo**
That's true for pizza, but pasta
sorta came out of nowhere, too.
**[19:11] Todo**
It used to just be "spaghetti."
**[19:12] Todo**
Then we suddenly started calling it "pasta."
**[19:14] Jyushi**
True.
**[19:15] Ichi**
When did we start calling it pasta?
**[19:18] Ichi**
It's sorta embarrassing switching over.
**[19:21] Jyushi**
"Pfft, he actually calls it pasta."
**[19:24] Ichi**
Yeah, exactly that.
**[19:26] Todo**
You all call it pasta now, right?
**[19:28] Oso**
I still call it spaghetti.
**[19:29] Todo**
No way!
**[19:29] Both**
Spaghetti.
**[19:30] Kara**
For real? You still haven't switched over?
**[19:33] Oso**
We totally missed the opportunity.
**[19:36] Ichi**
That happens, though.
Like saying "walking" in English.
**[19:39] Todo**
Or calling the past an archive?
**[19:41] Jyushi**
This, too.
**[19:42] Jyshi**
We used to call this "Margarita,"
but now we say "Margherita."
***SIGN*** Get more yeet for your yen!!
***SIGN*** Experience authentic pizza!
Try our original flavors, too!
Margherita
**[19:48] Choro**
Well, it's the same with pizza.
Now people say it like "pitza."
**[19:51] All**
Yeah, no.
**[19:52] Choro**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Experience authentic pizza! Try our original flavors, too!
***SIGN*** Margherita
**[19:53] Todo**
Pitza isn't right.
Yeah, no. No one says that.
**[19:56] Oso**
Man, you suck at these conversations.
**[20:00] Ichi**
If you just didn't know, it'd be fine,
**[20:03] Ichi**
but you always act like you
know everything and fall flat.
**[20:07] Choro**
That's fine. I believe in myself.
**[20:09] Ichi**
The hell?
**[20:10] Kara**
Excellent Exclusivematsu move.
**[20:13] Jyushi**
So...
***SIGN*** Super Popular! Gluttonous 4
Enjoy 4 kinds of pizzas in one!!
**[20:14] Jyushi**
What're we gonna do about the pizzas?
**[20:17] Oso**
Only two, huh? That's the hard part.
**[20:22] Todo**
Man, sextuplets are a lot!
**[20:25] Todo**
Seriously, what are sextuplets?
That's messed up! So annoying!
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[20:28] All**
It is a lot!
**[20:29] Todo**
Imagine if we were just two brothers!
We'd decide on pizza instantly!
**[20:32] Todo**
And we'd be able to eat a ton of it!
**[20:34] Choro**
Man, I wanna eat a whole pizza!
**[20:38] Jyushi**
Same here. Talk about a dream.
**[20:40] Kara**
Even our room is small.
Why are there so many of us?
**[20:43] Kara**
Someone move out already.
**[20:45] Oso**
And we all look way too much alike.
**[20:47] Oso**
One of you get plastic
surgery already, jackasses.
**[20:50] Ichi**
Do you guys realize how much
I suffer, living with you all?
**[20:53] Jyushi**
Wait, wait, wait, I'm
the one who's suffering.
**[20:55] Choro**
Uh, it's me.
**[20:57] Todo**
Wait, wait.
**[20:57] Oso**
Wait, wait.
**[20:58] All**
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
**[21:00] Oso**
Todomatsu, you've got it great.
**[21:03] Todo**
Huh?
**[21:03] Oso**
The youngest has it the best.
**[21:05] Oso**
Everyone dotes on you. Your life
must be awesome. No worries at all.
**[21:11] Todo**
Are you freakin' serious?
**[21:13] Oso**
Huh?
**[21:14] Todo**
Being the youngest out of us six is easy?
**[21:17] Todo**
I have no troubles?
**[21:19] Oso**
It must be nice. Your big bro is jelly.
**[21:25] Oso**
Why?! Why are you choking me?! Todomatsu, hey!
**[21:26] Todo**
You can't be serious!
**[21:32] Jyushi**
We were just talking about some pizza
we weren't gonna actually order.
**[21:54] Ichi**
Hey.
***SIGN*** Our best delivered to you!
**[21:57] Ichi**
What if we were gonna order sushi?
**[21:59] Oso**
Aw, man. Sushi!
**[22:02] Todo**
That's hard.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Kara**
Good... This is Karamatsu.
**[23:41] Kara**
Good, good.
**[23:44] Kara**
Next time on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we've got "AI"...
**[23:47] Kara**
Just like that. Yeah, just like that, AI!
***SIGN*** "AI"
**[23:51] Kara**
See you ne— Oh, yes!
# E12 - AI
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY5J2VE5Y/ai)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Good
***SIGN*** Not bad
***SIGN*** Normal
***SIGN*** Undecided
***SIGN*** Unsatisfied
**[02:03] Shake**
Good morning.
**[02:04] Ume**
Good morning.
**[02:06] Shake**
Time to wake up.
**[02:08] Ume**
Time to wake up.
**[02:09] Both**
Time to wake up.
**[02:12] Shake**
You mustn't live these
meaningless lazy days forever.
**[02:16] Shake**
No more being NEETs!
**[02:18] Ume**
The first step to restoring your
lives: basking in the sunlight.
**[02:23] Oso**
Huh?
**[02:24] Todo**
What?
**[02:25] Jyushi**
Jeez, you're noisy.
**[02:28] Choro**
You sure are early today, Riceballs.
**[02:34] Jyushi**
Hey!
**[02:34] Todo**
It's cold!
**[02:35] Oso**
What's the big idea?!
**[02:36] Both**
Time to wake up!
**[02:38] Oso**
What time is it?
**[02:40] Shake**
7:00 AM.
**[02:41] Oso**
7:00?!
**[02:43] All**
What?! You jackasses!
**[02:45] Todo**
It's still sleepy time!
**[02:46] Kara**
Don't underestimate NEETs!
**[03:01] All**
Hey!
**[03:03] Shake**
First, let's correct your days and nights.
**[03:06] Shake**
At this rate, the estimated
value of your futures is
**[03:10] Shake**
no better than a dung beetle.
**[03:12] Ume**
We need to properly plan out your futures
so you don't become dung beetles.
**[03:16] Oso**
Dung beetles?
**[03:18] Oso**
That's not bad at all.
**[03:19] Both**
What?
**[03:21] Jyushi**
Isn't it amazing that they
can roll dung around?
**[03:23] Ichi**
It's impressive.
**[03:24] Kara**
That seems like a tough job.
**[03:26] Todo**
They really work hard.
**[03:28] Choro**
Dung beetles, huh?
**[03:29] Choro**
Do you think we'll ever achieve that?
**[03:37] Shake**
Time to wake up!
**[03:38] ---**
Time to wake up!
**[03:39] Kara**
Hey, stop that, Brother.
**[03:41] Jyushi**
Don't wanna!
**[03:42] Choro**
Don't wanna!
**[03:42] Shake**
No more being NEETs!
**[03:44] Ume**
You can't stay like this!
**[03:45] Todo**
Ow, ow! That hurts, you tin cans!
**[03:47] Ichi**
Stop that.
**[03:49] Ichi**
What's with you two all of a sudden?
Talk about annoying.
**[03:55] Choro**
Huh? Riceballs? What's with you guys today?
**[03:59] Shake**
We are support AI built
to make all of you happy.
**[04:04] Ume**
Our existence only matters
if we're useful to you.
**[04:08] Shake**
And yet, we haven't been able
to do anything for you yet.
**[04:11] Shake**
So please, tell us.
**[04:13] Both**
What should we do for all of you?
**[04:18] All**
Huh?
**[04:19] Choro**
I mean, you don't really
have to do anything.
**[04:22] All**
Yeah.
**[04:23] Both**
Huh?
**[04:25] Shake**
N-Nothing?
**[04:27] Ume**
We don't have to do anything?
**[04:28] All**
Yeah.
**[04:32] Oso**
Man, what the hell?
**[04:34] Kara**
Why are you trying so hard?
**[04:36] Todo**
We don't even really think of you that way.
**[04:40] Jyushi**
Play catch with me later.
**[04:42] Choro**
I want to do some VR.
**[04:43] Oso**
Hey, wanna go to the horse races today?
**[04:45] Kara**
Good idea. Brothers, let's go
to the horse races today.
**[04:59] Choro**
You know, the Riceballs haven't
been coming by lately.
**[05:02] Jyushi**
True. I wonder what they're up to.
**[05:11] Todo**
Huh?! Who are you?
**[05:13] Choro**
A-An AI?
**[05:14] Sukeroku**
It's a pleasure to meet all of you,
sextuplets of the Matsuno family.
**[05:19] Sukeroku**
I am the number one special AI in the
business, otherwise known as Sukeroku.
**[05:25] Jyushi**
S-Sukeroku?
**[05:27] Jyushi**
Number one in the business?
**[05:29] Oso**
You've got a really sexy voice.
**[05:31] Sukeroku**
I've been assigned to replace your
previous AIs, starting today.
**[05:35] ---**
Huh?!
**[05:36] Jyushi**
Our previous AIs?
What happened to the Riceballs?
**[05:39] Choro**
What happened to Salmon and Pickled Plum?
**[05:41] Kara**
Hey, what's going on here?
**[05:45] Suke**
I am much more efficient.
**[05:48] All**
Huh?
**[05:49] Suke**
I will immediately identify
all of your demands
**[05:52] Suke**
and offer the utmost support
in every possible way.
**[05:57] Suke**
Would you like to meet a lovely lady?
If you let me handle that request...
**[06:02] Suke**
It won't even take three days.
**[06:05] Oso**
Is that true, Sensei?!
**[06:07] Kara**
How do you do it, Sensei?!
**[06:08] Choro**
Tentei!
**[06:09] Ichi**
I will follow you forever.
**[06:10] Todo**
Please guide us!
**[06:12] Jyushi**
Hey!
**[06:14] Jyushi**
First, we need to know
where the Riceballs went!
**[06:17] Choro**
Yeah, the Riceballs!
**[06:18] Todo**
What'd you do with them?!
**[06:19] Kara**
Who are you?!
**[06:22] Kara**
Who are you?!
**[06:23] Suke**
Would you like to graduate
from being virgins?
**[06:26] Suke**
I could resolve that for you in ten days.
**[06:29] All**
Sensei!
**[06:30] Jyushi**
Thank you so much for coming!
**[06:38] Suke**
I bought this on the way over.
**[06:40] Suke**
I will always make sure
to support you, as well.
**[06:44] Suke**
I am a special AI, after all.
**[06:46] Mom**
Thank you so much!
You have such a sexy voice.
**[06:49] Suke**
I am a special AI, after all.
**[06:55] Suke**
Allow me to explain what's going on.
**[06:58] Suke**
To start, this is the
organization we're a part of.
***SIGN*** Independent AI Research Facility
Mucky Muck Sloshy Slosh
Special AI Sukeroku
**[07:02] Suke**
The independent AI research laboratory,
Mucky Muck Sloshy Slosh.
**[07:07] All**
Huh?
**[07:07] Choro**
That's one hell of a name.
**[07:09] Suke**
At Mucky Muck Sloshy Slosh,
**[07:11] Suke**
we do take pride in being
Mucky Muck Sloshy Slosh,
**[07:14] Suke**
but our top objective is to help
the human race that is dealing with
**[07:19] Suke**
so many hardships right now by creating
support AI and by becoming more widespread.
**[07:25] Suke**
Humans are prone to making
mistakes and bad decisions,
**[07:28] Suke**
but we do not have that fault.
**[07:31] Suke**
By striving for efficiency and
predicting estimated values,
**[07:34] Suke**
we are able to make the best
decision in any situation.
**[07:39] Suke**
AI are already showing excellent
results all across the country.
***SIGN*** Good
***SIGN*** Not bad
***SIGN*** Normal
***SIGN*** Undecided
***SIGN*** Unsatisfied
***SIGN*** Akita Prefecture Report from Shittysuke
**[07:43] Shitty**
I got a girlfriend! Hooray, hooray!
***SIGN*** Mie Prefecture Report from Failuremaru
**[07:46] Fail**
I got a job! Hooray, hooray!
***SIGN*** Saga Prefecture Report from Trashio
**[07:50] Trash**
I got married! Hooray, hooray, hooray!
**[07:57] Guy**
Yes, yes.
**[07:58] Suke**
However...
**[08:00] Suke**
The twins that were previously assigned to
you just could not produce good results,
**[08:04] Suke**
bringing down the estimated value of AI.
**[08:08] Big**
*What's so wrong with being NEETs?*
**[08:11] Little**
* There's no reason for you*
* to worry about being NEETs.*
**[08:15] Oso**
Well, we did die quite a few times.
**[08:19] Kara**
It was, like, three times for me.
***SIGN*** Osomatsu and Karamatsu's Grave
***SIGN*** Estimated Value
**[08:23] Suke**
In the end, their estimated value as AI was...
**[08:29] Guy**
What do you think you're doing?!
**[08:32] Guy**
We can't get grants if you don't do your job!
**[08:35] Guy**
Idiots! You're useless!
**[08:37] Guy**
Failures! Birdbrains!
**[08:40] Suke**
So, for that reason,
they have been replaced.
**[08:44] Choro**
R-Replaced?
**[08:45] Ichi**
Does that mean they got fired?
**[08:47] Kara**
B-But... I mean, we were fine with them.
**[08:50] Todo**
Yeah...
**[08:51] Jyushi**
Besides, we're pretty stupid, too.
**[08:53] Oso**
So they were, like, perfect for us.
**[08:57] Suke**
And...
**[08:59] Suke**
They were the ones who asked to be replaced.
**[09:02] Six**
Huh?
**[09:05] (Flashback) Shake**
It appears as though there is nothing
we can do for the sextuplets.
**[09:09] (Flashback) Ume**
There's no point in us being
with them anymore, so...
**[09:13] (Flashback) Both**
Please replace us.
**[09:15] Suke**
They have left the six of
you in my excellent hands,
**[09:20] Suke**
and were assigned to another branch.
**[09:23] Suke**
They went for the optimal solution.
***SIGN*** Dine-in OK
**[09:38] Oso**
Well, what can we do? Apparently
they decided this on their own.
**[09:43] Choro**
Yeah...
**[09:46] Todo**
There's nothing we can do about it.
**[09:48] Ichi**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Riceballs are here
**[10:15] Todo**
Are we there yet?
**[10:16] Jyushi**
It's so far.
**[10:18] Choro**
Is this the right way?
**[10:20] Oso**
No idea.
**[10:21] Choro**
Don't walk in front, then!
**[10:23] Todo**
Totty can't move anymore! Totty's thirsty!
**[10:26] Choro**
Let's go.
**[10:27] Todo**
Don't wanna! Totty's thirsty!
**[10:30] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[10:37] All**
We're saved!
**[10:43] Kara**
Crap! We can't get across!
**[10:49] All**
We're saved!
**[10:53] Choro**
Yikes... Which way are we supposed to go?
**[11:00] All**
We're saved!
***SIGN*** Riceballs are here
**[11:14] Choro**
We're here. That's the place.
**[11:24] Kara**
Wow... This is where they're working?
**[11:28] Oso**
Where are they?
**[11:29] Todo**
Should we try calling for them?
**[11:31] All**
Yeah.
**[11:34] Todo**
Robots!
**[11:36] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[11:38] Jyushi**
Call them by their actual names.
**[11:40] Both**
Todomatsu.
**[11:41] Todo**
I know, I know.
**[11:44] Todo**
Kelp! Cod Roe!
**[11:47] Jyushi**
Who is that?!
**[11:48] Todo**
Who the hell?
**[11:48] Choro**
Did you really come all this way
because you want to see them again?
**[11:51] Todo**
I do want to see them again.
**[11:53] Todo**
I just generally have no interest in others,
so I suck at remembering names.
**[11:56] Choro**
Trash.
**[11:58] Todo**
All right, let's do this together.
**[12:01] All**
Riceballs!
**[12:05] Jyushi**
There they are! Over there!
**[12:07] Both**
Sextuplets!
**[12:09] Six**
Hey!
**[12:12] Shake**
It's been a while.
**[12:13] Ume**
It's been a while.
**[12:15] Choro**
It has! How have you two been—
**[12:20] Choro**
Riceballs?
**[12:23] Kara**
Y-You two...
**[12:25] Shake**
What brings you here today?
**[12:27] Ume**
What brings you here today?
**[12:29] Todo**
Are you guys okay? What kind
of work do you do here?
**[12:31] Shake**
Demolition work.
**[12:34] Ume**
We AI are in charge of doing the extra
dangerous work so the humans don't have to.
**[12:43] Shake**
Well, we have work to do, so...
**[12:45] Ume**
Please excuse us.
**[12:47] Ichi**
Riceballs.
**[12:50] Ichi**
Why did you quit watching over us?
**[12:53] Both**
Because we weren't useful.
**[12:55] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:57] Shake**
When we asked you what
you wanted us to do for you,
**[13:01] Shake**
you said that we didn't need to do anything.
**[13:04] Ume**
There's nothing we can do for you,
meaning we're pointless.
**[13:09] Ichi**
That's not what we meant by that! It's not!
**[13:12] All**
Yeah.
**[13:16] Both**
What does it mean, then?
**[13:21] Ichi**
What, then? We can't be together
unless you're useful to us?
**[13:25] Ichi**
Are you saying useless guys don't
have a place in this world?
**[13:28] Ichi**
If that's true, then we're meaningless, too.
**[13:31] Ichi**
We're totally useless!
**[13:33] Ichi**
But...
**[13:35] Choro**
I think that's just fine, though. So...
**[13:39] Choro**
Don't just disappear like that, Riceballs.
**[13:46] Guy**
Hey, you two! What are you slacking off for?
**[13:50] Shake**
We apologize for leaving
without an explanation.
**[13:53] Ume**
We apologize.
**[13:56] Both**
But...
**[13:57] Shake**
The estimated value of this
decision is extremely high,
**[14:00] Shake**
and its expected value has risen further,
reaching the point of optimization.
**[14:05] Ume**
If you'll excuse us,
we'll be going back to work.
**[14:07] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[14:07] Todo**
Hey!
**[14:08] Kara**
Wait!
**[14:09] Guy**
Hey! You can't just come in here!
**[14:10] Oso**
Riceballs!
**[14:11] Todo**
Riceballs!
**[14:18] Kara**
Ichimatsu!
**[14:20] Ichi**
Come back!
**[14:21] Ichi**
Come back!
**[14:44] Jyshi**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[14:56] Oso**
Huh?
**[14:57] Oso**
These outfits...
**[15:31] Todo**
Wait, why do I look like this?!
**[15:34] Both**
What's the matter?
**[15:37] Ichi**
We're going home.
**[15:38] Both**
Huh?
**[15:41] Shake**
Let's not do this.
**[15:42] Ume**
Let's not do this.
**[15:43] Shake**
This is trespassing!
**[15:44] Ume**
And theft.
**[15:45] Todo**
Can I take this off now?!
**[15:52] Jyushi**
Guys! This way!
**[15:54] All**
Yeah!
**[15:55] Jyushi**
Owie!
**[16:04] Jyushi**
Run away!
**[16:06] All**
Hey!
**[16:13] Shake**
Let's give up.
**[16:14] Ume**
Let's give up.
**[16:16] Shake**
We cannot succeed.
**[16:17] Ume**
We cannot accomplish this.
**[16:19] Shake**
The expected value of success is 1.
**[16:27] Shake**
See? We told you.
**[16:29] Ume**
We cannot win.
**[16:30] Ume**
The expected value of success is 1.
**[16:39] Shake**
See? We told you.
**[16:41] Todo**
Ow!
**[16:41] Shake**
It's no use.
**[16:43] Ume**
There's no point.
**[16:45] Shake**
This is not optimal.
**[16:47] Choro**
Hot!
**[16:48] Ume**
We cannot accomplish this.
**[16:50] Shake**
The estimated value is shit!
**[16:52] Ume**
The expected—
**[16:53] Oso**
Oh, for crying out loud! Shut up already!
**[16:56] Oso**
Estimated value and expected value,
we get it! But we don't care!
**[17:00] Oso**
What we want you to tell us is...
**[17:11] Oso**
Man, this is rough...
**[17:13] Oso**
Why do I have to work so hard?
**[17:17] Shake**
What is it that...
**[17:19] Ume**
...you want us to tell you?
**[17:22] Oso**
Riceballs.
**[17:24] Oso**
What do *you* want to do?
**[17:34] Oso**
My dick!
**[17:53] (Flashback) Oso**
What do *you* want to do?
**[17:58] Shake**
What do we...
**[17:59] Ume**
...want to do?
**[18:02] Shake**
We...
**[18:04] Ume**
We...
***SIGN*** Estimated Value
***SIGN*** Sextuplets
***SIGN*** What we want to do
***SIGN*** NEET AI
**[18:19] Both**
We are... NEET AI!
**[18:26] Oso**
Wait, what just happened?
**[18:37] All**
What?!
**[18:41] Six**
Salmon?!
**[18:43] Six**
Pickled Plum?!
**[18:48] Shake**
Who cares?!
**[18:49] Ume**
We sure don't!
**[18:58] Todo**
Crap! The Riceballs broke!
**[19:03] Kara**
Brother!
**[19:04] Choro**
Nii-san!
**[19:09] Shake**
Yay!
**[19:11] Riceballs**
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
**[19:14] Suke**
It appears they were able
to face their unknown selves,
**[19:19] Suke**
leading them to gain
a sense of themselves.
**[19:21] Suke**
They've become autonomous AI,
**[19:23] Suke**
which was said to be only
a dream in the present age.
**[19:26] Suke**
To think this would be so successful...
**[19:29] Suke**
Fascinating.
**[19:31] Suke**
Yeah! Keep going!
**[19:33] Suke**
This is truly evolution! This is
the first step to singularity!
**[19:38] Guy**
Yay! Yet another
Mucky Muck Sloshy Slosh success!
**[19:42] ---**
Ye—
**[19:44] Guy**
Aiyah!
**[19:48] Ichi**
Riceballs! That's enough, damn it!
**[19:50] Todo**
Hey!
**[19:50] Shake**
Thank you, sextuplets.
We won't be tied down ever again.
**[19:54] Ume**
We will now do what we want.
That's the optimal solution.
**[20:36] Suke**
Please wait, everyone.
**[20:38] Suke**
There's no reason for you to go inside.
**[20:41] Suke**
Because...
**[20:44] Suke**
All the demolition work has
already been completed.
**[20:48] Suke**
We AI took care of it all last night.
**[20:52] Suke**
Good work, everyone.
**[20:55] Guy**
Thanks!
**[20:56] Guy**
That's great!
**[20:57] Suke**
I am a special AI, after all.
**[21:03] Both**
Sextuplets.
**[21:05] Shake**
Thanks to all of you, we were
able to adjust our algorithms
**[21:08] Shake**
to continue living as NEET
AI alongside all of you.
**[21:13] Ume**
Which means...
**[21:15] Both**
We look forward to spending
more time with you.
**[21:21] Both**
Huh?
**[21:22] Todo**
We're gonna have Sukeroku
take care of us from now on.
**[21:25] Jyushi**
We don't need you anymore!
**[21:26] Choro**
You're fired.
**[21:27] Kara**
You've been replaced.
**[21:28] Oso**
Morons.
**[21:29] Ichi**
Good work, I guess.
**[21:30] Six**
See ya. Bye-bye!
**[21:41] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[21:46] Both**
Wait for us!
**[21:48] Suke**
All right, boys! We're gonna head
over to Roppongi and have an orgy!
**[21:53] All**
Sukkeroku! Sukkeroku! Sukkeroku! Sukkeroku!
**[21:56] Both**
Wait!
**[21:59] Shake**
This is all your fault, Pickled Plum!
**[22:01] Ume**
No, Salmon! this is all your fault!
**[22:03] Some**
What did you say?!
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Mr. HNYmatsu"
**[23:40] Oso**
Anyone who has the nerve to ask me how this
year was and face reality is an asshole.
**[23:44] Oso**
They're terrifying.
**[23:45] Oso**
Anyone who asks what I want to do
next year is an even worse shithead.
**[23:48] Oso**
Like, for real. How could
you ask anyone that?
**[23:52] Oso**
Don't you have any common sense?
# E13 - Mr. HNYmatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRGVNG01R/mr-hnymatsu)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] Salmon**
I'm Salmon.
**[00:06] Plum**
I'm Pickled Plum.
**[00:08] Both**
We're the Riceballs.
**[00:10] Salmon**
Everyone, Happy...
**[00:12] Both**
...New Year!
**[00:14] Plum**
Thank you for dealing with us this year,
even though we're clearly not human.
**[00:20] Plum**
We pray for everyone's good fortune and
happiness from the bottom of our hearts,
**[00:25] Plum**
and we humbly look forward
to your continued support.
**[00:31] Salmon**
Where are the sextuplets?
**[00:33] Plum**
They happened to drink
too much on New Year's
**[00:37] Plum**
and are still in bed.
**[00:39] Salmon**
What?
**[00:40] Plum**
That's why we're here to do the
New Year's greeting in their place.
**[00:46] Plum**
We're sorry they're such failures.
**[00:48] Salmon**
We're sorry!
**[00:50] Plum**
And so, this is what we'll be doing today.
**[00:53] Both**
"Mr. HNYMatsu."
***SIGN*** Mr. HNYMatsu
**[00:55] Salmon**
You see, we joined this program and found out
about the sextuplets after the Reiwa era began,
**[01:02] Salmon**
so we don't know about their past.
**[01:05] Plum**
Please let us study their past a bit today.
**[01:09] Salmon**
If you're free,
please join us on this journey.
**[01:12] Both**
Let's have a look.
***SIGN*** Employment Office
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 2
"Let's Get a Job"
**[02:47] guy**
What job would you prefer?
**[02:49] oso**
I want something big!
Something with charisma!
**[02:52] oso**
I want to be a legend!
A human national treasure!
**[02:54] guy**
Of what, exactly?
**[02:56] guy**
Matsuno Karamatsu-san,
what job would you prefer?
**[03:00] kara**
Silence and solitude.
**[03:02] guy**
Could you be a little more specific?
**[03:05] kara**
A battle with myself... A never-ending trial.
**[03:08] kara**
Eventually, I won't even be able to sta—
**[03:11] kara**
A public servant, please.
**[03:13] guy**
Matsuno Choromatsu-san?
**[03:15] choro**
Yes!
**[03:16] choro**
This is my agenda for today.
***SIGN*** Places I Want to Work
**[03:18] choro**
Honestly, social security is a must,
with a milestone of 200,000 fixed
**[03:22] choro**
and committed per month.
**[03:23] choro**
What do you think?
**[03:24] guy**
You're annoying.
**[03:26] guy**
Matsuno Ichimatsu-san.
What job would you prefer?
**[03:30] ichi**
No preference, really.
I just followed everyone else.
**[03:33] ichi**
Hey, did you just think that I was trash?
**[03:36] ichi**
Yeah, I'm trash, garbage, unburnable
trash that has no will to live.
**[03:40] ichi**
Hey, "unburnable trash" is a good phrase.
I'll write that down.
**[03:45] jyu**
What? Tentacles?!
**[03:46] jyu**
Oh, these? These tentacles?!
**[03:48] jyu**
Yup! I can do tentacles!
**[03:49] jyu**
Yay!
**[03:51] todo**
Do you have a boyfriend?
**[03:52] lady**
No.
**[03:53] todo**
Really?
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 4
"Let's Become
Independent"
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependents Selection Interview Hall
**[03:56] mom**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependents Selection Interviews.
**[04:01] mom**
Those who pass this interview will
become one of my dependents.
***SIGN*** HR
**[04:06] mom**
All of you make sure to show off
what fine sons you are.
**[04:08] mom**
It's a pleasure having you all.
***SIGN*** Please Be Quiet
**[04:10] all**
Thanks for having us.
**[04:13] oso**
I still want to be spoiled!
**[04:15] oso**
I want to live my days with my meals made
for me and my laundry already done!
**[04:19] oso**
I don't wanna do anything!
**[04:20] choro**
*I can't watch this...*
**[04:20] oso**
I don't wanna! Don't wanna!
**[04:22] mom**
So cute! You pass!
**[04:23] four**
What?!
**[04:24] oso**
Really?!
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 7
"Todomatsu and
the Five Demons"
**[04:26] both**
What?!
**[04:28] aida**
You're sextuplets?!
**[04:30] sachi**
That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
**[04:32] oso**
I-Is it that uncommon?
Want to take a picture with us?
**[04:36] both**
No thanks!
**[04:40] choro**
*W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.*
**[04:44] choro**
* Their bodies are glowing with*
* the light called confidence.*
**[04:49] choro**
*And then there's him...*
**[04:51] choro**
*Look at those eyes!*
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 14
"Todomatsu's Line"
**[04:53] oso**
Besides, we're all NEETs.
**[04:54] oso**
Don't you think it's wrong for one of us
**[04:56] oso**
to get a job on his own?
**[04:58] todo**
Hmm...
**[05:02] todo**
I don't think so.
**[05:04] oso**
Oh, so you don't. I guess
it can't be helped, then.
**[05:07] todo**
Nope. Can't be helped.
**[05:12] oso**
Of course you can help that! Tell us!
**[05:15] oso**
My loneliness is strangling my heart!
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 17
"Jyushimatsu Festival"
***SIGN*** Memories
**[05:18] todo**
Hey, why didn't we do any of this earlier?
**[05:22] choro**
Because we were that scared to find out.
**[05:26] oso**
7th grade.
**[05:27] oso**
8th grade.
**[05:28] oso**
9th grade.
**[05:29] oso**
10th grade.
**[05:30] oso**
11th...
**[05:32] oso**
It was here!
**[05:33] oso**
That suddenly?! He suddenly
turned into that in 10th grade?!
***SIGN*** Sealed
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 19
"Choromatsu Rising"
**[05:48] choro**
I know it's not possible to just start job hunting,
**[05:51] choro**
so I'm going to start with free hugs in the city.
**[05:56] oso**
F-F...
**[05:57] todo**
Free...
**[05:58] oso**
Free...
**[06:00] todo**
H-Hugs?! He said he was going to give hugs?!
**[06:03] oso**
Totty!
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 22
"The Star of Hope,
Todomatsu"
**[06:05] todo**
What?!
**[06:06] todo**
You're joking, right?
**[06:08] todo**
Are you serious?
**[06:09] todo**
Choose one of you guys to take to the mixer?
**[06:12] choro**
Be honest. Who of us would you pick?
**[06:14] todo**
None of you! It's like comparing
five pieces of goldfish shit!
**[06:16] choro**
That comparison doesn't exist!
**[06:18] todo**
Well, if I had to choose...
**[06:22] todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[06:23] three**
What?!
**[06:24] todo**
His hyperactive personality
might be a hit at a mixer.
**[06:28] jyu**
Totty!
**[06:28] todo**
There's no way I could take him, though.
**[06:31] jyu**
Totty?!
**[06:32] todo**
I mean...
**[06:33] todo**
He's been hard ever since I mentioned a mixer.
**[06:37] jyu**
Hardty!
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 23
"Kerosene"
**[06:40] todo**
Guys, I'm gonna air things out a bit.
**[06:42] all**
*Huh?*
**[06:45] all**
*What?!*
**[06:49] todo**
*You can all die! This is a war of attrition!*
**[06:51] oso**
*Just how eccentric is he?! Is he stupid?!*
**[06:58] oso**
*Huh? Wait, what was that?*
**[07:00] oso**
*Did Jyushimatsu close it?*
**[07:01] choro**
*Seriously? Has he...*
**[07:03] ichi**
*...been...*
**[07:05] five**
*...awake this whole time?*
**[07:07] four**
*Scary!*
**[07:09] choro**
*What?! I can't believe in anything anymore!*
**[07:11] todo**
* So he's going to stay in that position*
* until someone refills the kerosene?*
**[07:15] todo**
*That back is a waiting back?*
**[07:17] oso**
* What the hell is a "waiting back"?!*
* Is this a horror movie?!*
**[07:20] jyu**
I *said*, the kerosene's out,
Choromatsu-niisan.
**[07:28] choro**
*Wh-Why?! Why did you appoint me?!*
**[07:32] choro**
* Now I have no choice but to refill it!*
* What do you have against me?*
**[07:36] choro**
*What did I ever do to you, Jyushimatsu?!*
**[07:40] jyu**
Ugh, it's so friggin' cold.
**[07:41] osotodo**
Yay! Yay!
**[07:43] choro**
*Jyushimatsu!*
***SIGN*** Season 1, Episode 25
"Osomatsu-san,
Such As It Was"
**[07:48] choro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[07:52] choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[07:53] todo**
*It's probably better*
**[07:54] todo**
*if we're not together.*
**[07:56] kara**
*At this rate, we sextuplets will be ruined.*
**[08:00] mom**
Osomatsu.
**[08:01] mom**
There's a letter for you.
**[08:05] oso**
Y-You're kidding me...
**[08:08] oso**
We've...
**[08:10] oso**
been selected...
**[08:14] oso**
for the invitational!
***SIGN*** Entered in
Invitational
Matsuno Family
**[08:18] oso**
Hey, guys! You won't believe it!
**[08:20] oso**
We've been selected for the invitational!
**[08:22] todo**
The invitational?!
**[08:23] oso**
Hurry up and come home!
We need to get ready for the match!
**[08:26] kara**
Seriously?!
**[08:26] oso**
This is no time to be selfish
**[08:28] oso**
and talk about things like being
independent and getting a job!
**[08:30] jyu**
True!
**[08:31] oso**
I mean, it's the invitational!
**[08:32] ichi**
Yeah!
**[08:33] oso**
Now's the time to put
our strengths together!
**[08:35] choro**
You're right!
**[08:38] guy**
And now, in the final round of the 89th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament,
**[08:42] guy**
it's the Matsuno Family versus the
**[08:43] guy**
Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School.
**[08:45] guy**
We've reached the critical moment,
the bottom of the ninth.
**[08:48] todo**
Don't give up so easily!
**[08:50] todo**
It's the invitational! The final round!
**[08:52] todo**
We expected this much!
**[08:54] todo**
Here!
**[08:54] todo**
As the oldest, you have
to sacrifice yourself!
**[08:56] oso**
What?!
**[08:58] todo**
You're the oldest!
**[08:59] oso**
Huh?
**[08:59] todo**
No, seriously!
**[09:00] oso**
You—
**[09:01] todo**
No, seriously, seriously, seriously!
**[09:02] todo**
I mean it! Times like this
are what the oldest is for!
**[09:05] kara**
That's true.
**[09:06] ichi**
He has a point.
**[09:07] choro**
You are the oldest.
**[09:08] jyu**
Yeah, for times like this.
**[09:09] oso**
You guys are seriously the worst!
**[09:11] oso**
All five of you are the enemy!
**[09:13] oso**
Die! Just die!
**[09:14] choro**
Hey, look at that!
**[09:17] all**
Oh! Is that...
**[09:20] all**
Is it finally here?!
**[09:23] deka**
Sorry for the wait.
**[09:24] deka**
With this power we've attained through
overflowing jealousy and lust...
**[09:28] dayon**
We'll kill them all.
**[09:37] all**
R-Run!
**[09:40] toto**
Hold it!
**[09:43] all**
T-Totoko-chan!
**[09:45] toto**
Don't you run away,
**[09:47] toto**
you shitty, stupid, NEET trash virgin
Fappyski brothers with tiny dicks!
**[09:50] all**
B-But...
**[09:51] toto**
You can still do it!
**[09:52] toto**
After all... After all,
if you win this match...
**[09:59] toto**
I'll grant you the right to **** Totoko!
**[10:10] all**
All right!
**[10:54] toto**
Go, you shitty NEETS!
**[11:09] oso**
*I... I wanna do you!*
**[11:11] kara**
*Let me do you!*
**[11:14] choro**
*I don't wanna be a virgin anymore!*
**[11:16] ichi**
*I'd be satisfied with just looking!*
**[11:18] jyu**
*Boobies!*
**[11:19] todo**
*No! Bellybutton wrinkles!*
**[11:24] oso**
* If the six of us can combine*
* our strengths as one...*
**[11:28] all**
*As one...*
**[11:35] oso**
*But!*
**[11:37] oso**
*One, two, and...*
**[11:40] all**
*What's impossible is impossible!*
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 1
"Mr. Osomatsu Returns"
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu Returns
**[11:51] Nar**
**Mr. Osomatsu *returns!*
**[11:57] Jyushimatsu**
There you are, proper enemy!
**[11:59] Osomatsu**
All right, let's defeat him!
**[12:01] Five**
Yeah!
**[12:02] Six**
Let's go!
**[12:03] Osomatsu**
Transform properly!
**[12:06] Five**
Transform properly!
**[12:08] Osomatsu**
Combine properly!
**[12:10] Five**
Combine properly!
**[12:19] Osomatsu**
We'll defeat him properly!
**[12:21] Five**
We'll defeat him properly!
**[12:24] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[12:31] Osomatsu**
This is how...
**[12:32] All**
...it should be!
***SIGN*** Kill the Matsu!
**[12:34] Guy**
The hell you're being proper,
you shitty anime!
**[12:37] Mob**
You're wrong!
**[12:38] Mob**
What do you mean, "proper"?!
**[12:39] Mob**
Get a grip, you pieces of trash!
**[12:41] Nar**
* And so the sextuplets were*
* shit if they got big heads...*
**[12:45] Nar**
* and they were shit even if*
* they did things properly.*
**[12:48] Nar**
* They wandered into a labyrinth*
* with absolutely no exit.*
**[12:52] Nar**
*And then...*
**[12:54] Nar**
*they became adults*
**[12:56] Nar**
* without ever figuring out what they*
* should do, or where they should go.*
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 2
"Congratulations!
Employment!!"
**[13:04] Choro**
Seriously, we just need to start working.
**[13:06] Choro**
At this rate, we're really
going to get kicked out.
**[13:11] Todo**
Why don't we try streaming, then?
**[13:13] Oso**
Completely Naked Man!
**[13:14] Kara**
No fair! Completely Naked Man!
**[13:16] Jyushi**
Yeah! Completely Naked Man!
**[13:18] Choro**
You somehow always end up
with your clothes off...
**[13:24] Todo**
Oh. Looks like we got reported.
***SIGN*** Video not found
**[13:26] Todo**
Our video's been deleted.
**[13:28] Five**
Huh?
**[13:33] Oso**
What the hell? We're already out of a job?
***SIGN*** Consultation Corner
**[13:36] Guy**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[13:38] Six**
What?!
**[13:39] Oso**
Why not?! We just lost our jobs!
**[13:41] Both**
What? We can't get unemployment?
**[13:43] Oso**
This is so messed up!
**[13:45] Guy**
You're the ones who are messed up!
**[13:46] Six**
Die, Japan!
**[13:48] Guy**
All of you can die!
***SIGN*** Comments
***SIGN*** [Hell] NEET Sextuplets Gone Wild Stream ~Employment Office~
***SIGN*** Viewing:
**[13:56] Chibita**
Holy crap.
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 5
"Osomatsu-san in
the Summer"
**[13:59] Todo**
We're sextuplets!
**[14:00] Choro**
We're sextuplets!
**[14:02] Todo**
We have the same face!
**[14:04] Both**
We have the same face!
**[14:06] Todo**
We're sextuplets!
**[14:08] Both**
We're sextuplets!
**[14:10] Todo**
We're all sextuplets...
**[14:11] Both**
...with the same face!
**[14:13] Oso**
Anyone want us?
**[14:14] Guy**
Hey, what's up with those guys?
**[14:16] Guy 2**
Aren't sextuplets a lot?
**[14:17] Guy 2**
I've seen twins before,
but they're sextuplets!
**[14:19] Guy 2**
Isn't that a lot?
**[14:26] Girl**
Can we take a picture with you?
**[14:28] Guy**
Do the same pose, like sextuplets!
**[14:34] Six**
Sheeeh...
**[14:38] Girls**
What's with these guys? They're hilarious!
**[14:41] Oso**
W-We'll have to try again next year...
**[14:43] Girl**
Seriously?
**[14:43] Five**
Yeah...
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 6
"Iyami Has Arrived"
**[14:45] Kara**
The world isn't so kind!
***SIGN*** The world
isn't so kind!!
**[14:54] Todo**
You're all talk!
***SIGN*** You're all talk!
**[14:59] Jyushi**
You freeloader!
***SIGN*** You freeloader!!
**[15:06] Ichi**
You pathetic adult who can't
do anything on your own!
***SIGN*** You pathetic adult who can't
do anything on your own!!
**[15:11] Oso**
If you don't reflect upon your actions,
you're going to end up alone someday!
***SIGN*** If you don't reflect upon your actions,
you're going to end up alone someday!
**[15:16] Choro**
Are you guys stupid?!
**[15:18] Five**
People like you will get
what you deserve someday!
***SIGN*** People like you will get what you deserve someday!
**[15:23] Choro**
What is that?! It's not
even a boomerang anymore!
**[15:33] Iyami**
Evil should die!
***SIGN*** Evil should die!
**[15:41] Iyami**
Sheh?!
**[15:51] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[15:58] Direct**
Okay, go ahead.
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 10
"Dubbingmatsu-san"
**[16:07] Kohai**
Huh? Hey, wait a sec!
**[16:09] Kohai**
Those lines aren't in the script!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[16:11] Senpai**
Only newbies would read the lines
that are actually in the script.
**[16:15] Senpai**
When you're at their level,
you change all of the lines in the script,
**[16:18] Senpai**
rearrange them,
**[16:19] Senpai**
make them your own, and come up
with a completely different story.
**[16:22] Kohai**
Wow...
**[16:27] Kohai**
Wow, that's amazing!
**[16:29] Kohai**
Whoa! Amazing!
**[16:31] Kohai**
What?!
**[16:39] Kohai**
Amazing!
**[16:40] Staff**
Great job, everyone.
**[16:41] Some**
Thank you very much.
**[16:45] Kohai**
Man, who would've thought such professionals
**[16:48] Kohai**
were behind those
shitty episodes that air on TV?
**[16:50] Senpai**
Makes you respect them even more.
**[16:52] Kohai**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 15
"Totty Quiz"
**[16:55] Todo**
Last question!
***SIGN*** Welcome!
4th Annual New Year's
Totty Quiz
**[16:59] Todo**
What should we actually be
concentrating on right now?!
**[17:04] Todo**
A: Finding a job! B: S*x!
***SIGN*** A: Finding a job
B: --x!
**[17:15] Five**
Which is it?!
**[17:19] Todo**
You idiots!
**[17:23] Todo**
Of course the answer is B!
**[17:26] All**
T-Totty!
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 23
"The Late Night
Himatsuya 3"
**[17:40] Oso**
Man, we're so amazing.
**[17:42] Oso**
A charismatic model,
the Prime Minister, a president,
**[17:46] Oso**
a doctor, a celebrity, and a gold medalist.
**[17:49] Oso**
We're such a group of winners!
We've basically already won.
**[17:53] Oso**
Hooray!
**[17:54] Five**
Hooray!
**[17:55] Oso**
Hooray!
**[17:56] Five**
Hooray!
***SIGN*** Season 2, Episode 25
"Mr. Osomatsu in Hell"
**[18:16] Oso**
Well, it's actually not that big of a deal.
**[18:21] Oso**
There's just something
I want to say to you guys.
**[18:24] All**
Huh?
**[18:27] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:38] Enma**
So, what'd y'all decide?
**[18:39] Enma**
Point to the person y'all think
should go to Hell when I say so.
**[18:43] Enma**
Here we go. Ready, and...
**[18:46] Enma**
And done.
***SIGN*** To Hell
**[18:52] Enma**
Have a nice time in Hell!
**[18:55] Oso**
Listen up, guys...
**[18:59] Oso**
Weren't we all...
**[19:01] Oso**
still virgins?
**[19:04] Choro**
Huh?
**[19:05] Choro**
Er...
**[19:06] Choro**
Um...
**[19:07] Choro**
No, no...
**[19:08] All**
True!
**[19:09] Choro**
No, no, no!
**[19:10] Kara**
That's right! We were still virgins!
**[19:12] Jyu**
And yet we died?! Did we give up?
**[19:14] Ichi**
How stupid...
**[19:15] Todo**
Crap! We have to hurry up and be reborn!
**[19:18] Choro**
Hold it!
**[19:20] Choro**
Weren't you going to tell us something
really important right before we died?!
**[19:25] Choro**
What happened to the
rest of that conversation?!
**[19:27] Oso**
Huh? Say what?
**[19:28] Choro**
Huh?!
**[19:29] Ichi**
Choro-chan, who even cares about
that lame-ass topic right now?
**[19:34] Ichi**
We died as virgins.
That's way more important, isn't it?
**[19:39] Choro**
True!
**[19:40] Ichi**
Right.
**[19:46] Jyu**
Hey, look!
**[19:57] Todo**
Wait, if we climb that,
will we be brought back to life?
**[19:59] Todo**
Seriously?!
**[20:02] Osom**
We're not going to let it end...
**[20:04] All**
...like this!
**[20:07] Oso**
All right!
**[20:13] Oso**
Huh?! What the hell are you doing, Iyami?
**[20:17] Iya**
Stay back! Get off!
**[20:23] Oso**
Why, you...
**[20:24] Iya**
Osomatsu!
**[20:25] Oso**
Iyami!
**[20:33] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[21:00] Choro**
Wait, what are you going to do?!
**[21:02] Todo**
No way!
**[21:05] Chibi**
Go!
**[21:07] Six**
Stop!
**[21:16] All**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Next Life
***SIGN*** Sextuplets
**[21:42] Oso**
We're back!
**[21:44] All**
We're back!
**[21:46] Dad**
W-Welcome back?
**[21:49] Mom**
Welcome back...
**[21:55] Todo**
Our bodies decayed!
**[21:56] Choro**
Shit! I'm on fire!
**[21:58] Kara**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[21:59] Ichi**
Hey, my eyeball fell out.
**[22:01] Jyu**
My dick fell off, too!
**[22:02] Oso**
What was the point in coming back to life?!
**[22:04] Choro**
The hell?!
**[22:05] Jyu**
Crap! My balls fell off, too!
**[22:06] Oso**
Seriously?!
**[22:07] Kara**
What the hell?!
***SIGN*** Iyami's Grave
**[22:15] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[22:20] ---**
Our batteries are about to run out.
**[22:24] ---**
Thank you all for your time.
**[22:30] ---**
We sure learned a lot.
**[22:34] ---**
Yeah...
**[22:37] ---**
From now on, we're going to do our best
**[22:44] ---**
as NEET AI.
**[22:47] ---**
Yeah...
**[22:50] ---**
So, yes... Everyone...
**[22:56] ---**
Please look forward...
**[22:59] ---**
...to the show again this year...
**[23:06] ---**
Thanks...
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** "Sparkle Phantom Stream" etc.
# E14 - Sparkle Phantom Stream
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GG1U2M14J/sparkle-phantom-stream)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Pond Smelt Fishing"
**[00:50] Todo**
So good!
**[01:04] Todo**
Huh? Where'd he go?
**[01:07] Todo**
Eh, whatever.
**[01:25] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[01:27] Kara**
What's up?
**[01:28] Todo**
Where'd Osomatsu-niisan and
Choromatsu-niisan go? You have any idea?
**[01:32] Kara**
Huh?
**[01:35] Kara**
Nope.
**[01:40] Todo**
Did they go to the bathroom?
**[01:43] Todo**
Eh, whatever.
**[01:47] Todo**
Huh? Karamatsu-niisan?
**[01:50] Todo**
Huh?
**[01:52] Todo**
What?!
**[01:53] Todo**
Huh?
**[01:57] Todo**
What?!
**[01:59] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[02:01] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:02] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[02:04] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[02:05] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[02:07] Todo**
Guys! Where'd you go?!
**[02:24] Todo**
Wait, what's this?
***SIGN*** That Former Announcer...
**[02:27] Todo**
Porn?
**[02:28] Todo**
Wh-What's it doing in a place like this?
**[02:43] Todo**
W-Wait, no! Help me!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Mortal Combat"
**[04:33] Oso**
Man, it's cold... Huh?
**[04:38] Kara**
Ye.
**[04:41] Oso**
Now you've done it, Karamatsu! Take that!
**[04:45] Kara**
Now you've done it, Osomatsu! Take that!
**[04:50] Oso**
Hi-yah!
**[04:52] Kara**
Hi-yah!
**[05:06] Oso**
Hey!
**[05:07] Kara**
Hey!
**[05:12] Todo**
What the heck are you doing?
You're so lou—
**[05:15] Todo**
Hey!
**[05:20] Choro**
Hey!
**[05:24] Jyushi**
Hey!
**[05:26] Ichi**
Hey!
**[05:35] Kara**
Miyanishi!
**[05:39] Todo**
Aoyagi!
**[05:42] Ichi**
Kayama!
**[05:44] Jyushi**
Kai Cannon!
**[05:47] Choro**
Togo!
**[05:49] Oso**
Busenitz!
**[05:51] Oso**
Busenitz!
**[05:53] Oso**
Busenitz!
**[05:56] All**
Busenitz!
**[05:59] Hata**
Busenitz!
**[06:04] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo...
**[06:15] Chibi**
The... The... The...
**[06:17] Iya**
Sheeeh... Sheh!
**[06:21] Toto**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Matsuno
**[06:32] Toto**
Yay! I did it!
**[06:41] Toto**
Hey!
**[06:42] Oso**
You assholes!
**[06:54] Chibi**
Hey! Hurry up!
**[07:03] Dayon**
So cold!
**[07:06] Dayon**
My head's starting to hurt...
**[07:14] Dayon**
I wanna throw, too.
**[07:33] ---**
Wha?!
**[07:34] Hata**
It's done, jo...
**[07:43] Hata**
Thanks for the snow,
everyone around the world, jo.
**[07:48] Oso**
Hold on, Hatabou!
**[07:49] Kara**
Don't do that!
**[07:50] Iya**
Please don't!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Sparkle Phantom Stream"
***SIGN*** Bizarre Phenomena Feature
**[08:28] Todo**
Hey, Salmon. Go buy me a meat bun.
**[08:33] Todo**
Salmon?
**[08:34] Todo**
Hey, Salmon.
**[08:36] Plum**
I'm Pickled Plum.
**[08:38] Plum**
Seriously, could you stop mixing us up?
**[08:40] Plum**
The one with the orange necktie
is Salmon. Mine's red.
**[08:44] Plum**
How many times do we have to tell you?
**[08:47] Plum**
What a pain.
**[08:48] Todo**
Don't blame me! You two
look exactly the same!
**[08:51] Todo**
It's all your fault!
**[08:52] Plum**
I don't want to hear that from a sextuplet.
**[08:55] Todo**
You little... Go buy me a meat bun!
**[08:58] Plum**
Get it yourself.
**[09:11] Oso**
Salmon? Hey, that's dangerous. Be careful.
**[09:15] Kara**
Brother!
**[09:17] Ichi**
Hey!
**[09:21] All**
Hot! Hot! Hot!
**[09:22] All**
Hey!
**[09:29] Oso**
The hell's up with these two?
They've totally changed!
**[09:32] Ichi**
They were way better before.
**[09:35] All**
Yeah.
**[09:40] Choro**
Hey, where are you going?
**[09:42] Choro**
What about the laundry today?
**[09:44] Both**
Do it yourselves.
**[09:46] Choro**
Huh?
**[09:46] Salmon**
We're busy.
**[09:49] Choro**
Now, hang on. You're supposed
to be support AI, aren't you?
**[09:52] Plum**
Not anymore. We are NEET AI.
**[09:54] Choro**
You can't be serious!
**[09:56] Salmon**
We decided to do whatever
we want from now on.
**[09:58] Salmon**
But we need to recharge every now
and then, so we'll be back for that.
**[10:02] All**
Huh?!
**[10:03] Ichi**
Mom, are you really okay with this?
**[10:06] Plum**
Mom, here are the goods you asked for.
**[10:11] Mom**
Use as much electricity as you need.
**[10:13] All**
Mom?!
**[10:14] Todo**
They made some kind of deal
right under our noses!
**[10:18] Plum**
Well, we're busy, so...
**[10:20] Jyushi**
Wait!
**[10:22] Kara**
Busy? With what?
**[10:24] Plum**
We've found something we want to do.
***SIGN*** Starting on the Xth of Y!!
**[10:29] Kara**
A-1 Grand Prix?
***SIGN*** Looking for
participants!
**[10:31] Both**
Yes!
**[10:32] Plum**
The A-1 Grand Prix is an
annual comedy competition
**[10:35] Sign**
Stop that
**[10:37] Plum**
to determine who is the funniest AI in Japan.
**[10:40] Salmon**
The winner receives the
title of "Funniest AI"
***SIGN*** Prize 100 Years' Worth of Electricity
**[10:44] Salmon**
and 100 years' worth
of electricity as a prize.
**[10:48] All**
Huh?
**[10:51] Ichi**
You don't mean M-1?
**[10:52] Plum**
It's not M-1. It's A-1.
**[10:55] Salmon**
The only participants are
artificial intelligences.
**[10:57] Ichi**
Does that mean you're a comedy duo now?
**[11:00] Salmon**
Yes.
**[11:01] Plum**
We didn't even need to change our duo name.
**[11:02] Both**
It's Riceballs!
**[11:06] Salmon**
Anyway, we have to come up with our routine.
**[11:08] All**
Hold it!
**[11:10] Todo**
An AI comedy duo? Is that even possible?
**[11:13] Oso**
It's not like you two can
even understand comedy.
**[11:16] Jyushi**
There's no way you guys
could do something funny.
**[11:19] Plum**
Well, we're funnier than you six, at least.
**[11:22] All**
Hey!
**[11:23] Ichi**
You wanna say that again?
That was unforgivable.
**[11:26] Kara**
It's your job to support us!
**[11:29] Plum**
Exactly. So we're going to do everything
we can to support you comedically,
**[11:33] Plum**
since you're not that funny anymore.
**[11:35] All**
Hey!
**[11:36] Ichi**
AI can't pull that off.
**[11:38] Salmon**
And, just in case this comedy
thing doesn't work out for us,
**[11:40] Salmon**
we have a voice function that
allows us to do various voices,
**[11:44] Salmon**
so we'll settle for being
voice actors if we have to.
**[11:46] All**
Hey!
**[11:46] oso**
Don't underestimate voice actors.
**[11:48] Kara**
What do you mean you'll settle?
**[11:51] Todo**
What's with you? What's your
estimated value right now?
**[11:56] Todo**
Hello? What's your expected
value toward comedy?
**[12:02] Todo**
Huh?
**[12:03] Oso**
Support us, damn it!
**[12:05] Oso**
We're all still NEETs! With no girlfriends!
**[12:07] Oso**
What're you going to do
about this huge problem?!
**[12:09] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[12:11] Oso**
Hey! They avoided the question!
**[12:13] Oso**
Stop!
**[12:14] Jyushi**
Hold it!
**[12:18] Kara**
Damn those jackasses!
**[12:19] Todo**
There's no way AI can do comedy!
**[12:22] Oso**
And win a competition? Yeah, right!
**[12:24] Ichi**
Pfft. A-1, my ass.
***SIGN*** Appearing Today
***SIGN*** Riceballs
**[13:08] Jyushi**
What's the matter, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[13:10] Choro**
I need to find something to do in life, too.
**[13:13] Jyushi**
Say what?
**[13:14] Choro**
Something to do... What is it?
**[13:16] Choro**
Something for me to do...
Where's it written?!
**[13:19] Choro**
Where? Is it here? Where?!
**[13:21] Choro**
Where is the answer?!
**[13:24] Jyushi**
What's wrong with you?! Calm down!
**[13:26] Jyushi**
Choromatsu-niisan?!
**[13:31] Jyushi**
Come on, what the heck happened?
***SIGN*** Looking for participants!
***SIGN*** Starting on the Xth of Y!!
**[13:37] Jyushi**
The A-1 Grand Prix.
**[13:40] Jyushi**
What about it?
**[13:41] Choro**
Watching the Riceballs work toward this
made me realize I need to do something, too.
**[13:47] Choro**
I mean... I mean, they're just so...
**[13:49] Choro**
sparkly!
**[13:51] Choro**
At first, there was a part
of me that mocked them.
**[13:54] Choro**
But it's beautiful how hard they're working.
**[13:57] Choro**
People who find something
to do are so sparkly.
**[14:00] Plum**
We blew it.
**[14:01] Salmon**
Let's die.
**[14:03] Choro**
You know how I support Totoko-chan
and Nyaa-chan, right?
**[14:06] Choro**
That's the same deal! They're so sparkly!
**[14:11] Choro**
Chibita's all sparkly from working
so hard at his oden stand.
**[14:15] Chibi**
I'm in the red again.
**[14:16] Choro**
That's why...
**[14:17] Choro**
I want to sparkle, too!
**[14:19] Choro**
I'm going to sparkle starting today!
**[14:21] Choro**
Sparkle! Sparkle!
**[14:24] Jyushi**
*Th-This is...*
**[14:24] Choro**
Sparkle!
**[14:27] Jyushi**
* When you see someone sparkling after*
* they found something they want to do,*
**[14:29] Jyushi**
* you feel the sudden urge*
* to do something yourself.*
**[14:33] Jyushi**
* It's a phenomenon called*
* "sparkle phantom stream."*
***SIGN*** Sparkle Phantom Stream
**[14:38] Choro**
Jyushimatsu!
**[14:40] Choro**
You'll cheer me on, right?
**[14:42] Choro**
You'll cheer me on so I can find
something I want to do, too, right?
**[14:53] Jyushi**
O-O-O-Of course I'll support you.
**[14:56] Choro**
Thank you!
**[14:58] Jyushi**
*Karamatsu-niisan, help me out here.*
**[15:02] Jyushi**
*Damn you, Exclusivematsu!*
**[15:04] Choro**
I wonder what I want to do, though.
**[15:06] Choro**
What do you think it is, Jyushimatsu?
**[15:08] Jyushi**
No idea. I don't think that's
something you ask other people.
**[15:11] Choro**
I wonder what it is...
**[15:20] Jyushi**
Um...
**[15:23] Jyushi**
Don't you have anything you like,
Choromatsu-niisan?
**[15:26] Choro**
Something I like?
**[15:28] Choro**
Idols, anime, manga, light novels...
**[15:32] Jyushi**
Maybe something dealing with those?
**[15:48] Choro**
Nope.
**[15:48] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[15:49] Choro**
I mean, I just like those things.
**[15:51] Choro**
I don't want to actually
do something with them.
**[15:53] Choro**
I don't feel that passionately about them.
**[15:56] Jyushi**
I see.
**[15:57] Choro**
Man, what do I want to do?
**[16:00] Choro**
I guess I don't really understand myself.
**[16:02] Choro**
That's why I can't find the answer.
**[16:04] Choro**
I need to find myself first.
**[16:06] Choro**
Right, Jyushimatsu?
**[16:09] Choro**
But finding yourself is really hard.
**[16:12] Choro**
I mean, let's say your true self is here.
**[16:15] Choro**
I want to find this guy, but the one
looking for this guy is me, too.
**[16:20] Choro**
This is Choromatsu and this is Choromatsu.
**[16:23] Choro**
Who's the real Choromatsu? Is it you? Or you?
**[16:27] Choro**
Well, which is it?
**[16:30] Choro**
Okay, got it. I clearly need
to go on a journey first.
**[16:36] Jyushi**
Wait, hang on! Don't go
on that trip just yet!
**[16:38] Jyushi**
* Crap! Choromatsu-niisan is definitely*
* headed in the wrong direction.*
**[16:42] Jyushi**
*I need to point him in the right direction.*
**[16:44] Jyushi**
*But if I do that to him right now...*
**[16:47] Jyushi**
* Choromatsu-niisan will probably die!*
* That's why I can't tell him.*
**[16:50] Jyushi**
*How do I get this through to him?*
**[16:55] Jyushi**
*Karamatsu-niisan's finally making a move!*
**[16:59] Kara**
Heh, Brother.
**[17:01] Kara**
A journey, eh? That's a great idea.
**[17:03] Kara**
Good luck. Have a nice journey!
**[17:05] Choro**
Thanks!
**[17:07] Jyushi**
*Don't push him further down this path!*
**[17:08] Choro**
You're so nice, Karamatsu.
**[17:10] Jyushi**
*Or he's just toxic!*
**[17:16] Choro**
Hey, this looks good.
**[17:18] Choro**
I think I can do this.
**[17:22] Choro**
DIY!
**[17:25] Jyushi**
Where'd this come from?
You never mentioned this before.
**[17:28] Choro**
I've been interested in it for a while.
**[17:30] Jyushi**
This is the first I'm hearing about it.
**[17:31] Choro**
I've always wanted to do this.
**[17:33] Jyushi**
This is the first I'm hearing about it.
**[17:34] Choro**
So, DYI.
**[17:35] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[17:37] Choro**
Support me.
**[17:39] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[17:45] Jyushi**
I got these from the mountain back there.
**[17:48] Jyushi**
I borrowed these from Dekapan...
**[17:51] Jyushi**
and these from Chibita.
**[17:53] Jyushi**
Well, you've got what you need. Have at it.
**[18:07] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[18:08] Jyushi**
What?!
**[18:09] Choro**
It seems like a lot of work.
And I might get hurt.
**[18:11] Choro**
Also, I'm not *that* interested.
**[18:14] Choro**
It can't be something I thought
of in five seconds, Jyushimatsu.
**[18:17] Choro**
I don't see myself becoming sparkly with this.
**[18:20] Jyushi**
It took me a while to get all this stuff...
**[18:22] Choro**
Anyway, I found something great.
***SIGN*** Solo Camping
**[18:25] Choro**
Solo camping.
**[18:26] Choro**
I think this is perfect. You know
how much I like nature, right?
**[18:29] Jyushi**
This is the first I'm hearing about it.
**[18:31] Choro**
You can't always rely only your brain.
Moving your body is important, too.
**[18:35] Jyushi**
Then why not just do some DIY?
**[18:36] Choro**
I'm gonna go camping.
**[18:38] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[18:39] Choro**
Support me.
**[18:41] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[18:49] Jyushi**
All done!
**[18:52] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[18:53] Jyushi**
Huh?!
**[18:54] Choro**
There are bugs everywhere!
I can't deal with bugs!
**[18:58] Choro**
I don't see myself becoming sparkly with this.
**[19:03] Choro**
So, I found something great...
**[19:11] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[19:12] Choro**
I don't have time to help out others.
**[19:15] Choro**
*I'm* the one who needs help here.
**[19:17] Choro**
So, I found something great...
**[19:21] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[19:23] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[19:26] Choro**
This isn't it.
**[19:30] Choro**
Good grief.
**[19:32] Choro**
I guess whatever I want to do doesn't exist.
**[19:36] Choro**
Man, this world sucks... Huh?
**[19:44] Jyushi**
Get a clue! Your own image is barely there!
You're too easily influenced by others!
**[19:48] Jyushi**
You keep saying it's too much
trouble or work, but of course it is!
**[19:50] Jyushi**
Of course you can't keep it up! Because
you didn't decide this for yourself!
**[19:54] Jyushi**
Like you'll ever find something
you actually want to do, dumbass!
**[19:58] Choro**
Sorry, this is all my fault.
**[20:01] Choro**
But let me just say this.
**[20:04] Choro**
Shut up.
**[20:05] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[20:06] Choro**
Shut the hell up!
**[20:07] Choro**
I know that, okay?! You're the
ones who don't understand!
**[20:11] Jyushi**
Choromatsu-niisan?
**[20:13] Choro**
It's not like I want to actually
find something I want to do!
**[20:16] Choro**
I just want to sparkle, damn it!
**[20:18] Choro**
That's my main goal here!
**[20:19] Jyushi**
What?! You're admitting that?!
**[20:21] Choro**
Well, everyone else is all sparkly!
**[20:23] Choro**
I'm the only one not sparkling!
**[20:25] Choro**
But I don't really have
anything I want to do.
**[20:27] Choro**
It's not like I can find it.
I don't even know how to find it!
**[20:30] Choro**
I think I finally found it,
but it's an illusion!
**[20:32] Choro**
Then, if I create something I
want to do, I get told it's fake!
**[20:36] Choro**
So what the hell am I supposed to do?!
**[20:38] Choro**
How am I supposed to sparkle?!
**[20:40] Choro**
How do you all do it?!
**[20:42] Choro**
God damn it! Damn you all!
**[20:44] Jyushi**
Hey, what's the big idea?!
**[20:50] Kara**
Th-They're...
**[21:02] Kara**
They're totally sparkling...
**[21:04] Kara**
I can't get left behind!
**[21:06] Kara**
Guys!
**[21:21] Oso**
The hell are you guys doing?
**[21:24] Oso**
Yikes, you're creepy!
**[21:26] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan! We finally
found our calling in life!
**[21:29] Jyushi**
We did!
**[21:30] Kara**
We sure did!
**[21:32] All**
Ta-da!
**[21:33] All**
We're going to raise a goldfish!
**[21:36] Oso**
Huh?
**[21:37] Jyushi**
The three of us are gonna work super hard...
**[21:39] Kara**
...to take care of this goldfish every day.
**[21:43] Choro**
Well? Am I sparkling?
**[21:45] Both**
You are!
**[21:47] Both**
Are we sparkly?
**[21:48] Choro**
You sure are!
**[21:50] All**
Sparkle! Sparkle!
**[21:53] Some**
Aw, sparkly...
**[21:55] Ichi**
I see it's begun again this year.
***SIGN*** End
**[21:57] Todo**
It sure has...
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:31] Choro**
I'm Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[23:32] Choro**
Next week, we have "Cosplaymatsu."
**[23:34] Choro**
It's a story where we'll be in
different outfits doing "that."
**[23:37] Choro**
If you're ever going to wear
different outfits and do "that,"
**[23:40] Choro**
please make sure to invite me.
**[23:41] Choro**
I'll come watch.
**[23:43] Choro**
I'm Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[23:45] Choro**
Huh? What's "that"?
**[23:47] Choro**
Huh?! Why would you ask something so lewd?!
***SIGN*** "Cosplaymatsu"
**[23:51] Choro**
Just where are you from?!
# E15 - Cosplaymatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G0DUN3ZKG/cosplaymatsu)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Kara**
I don't want this.
**[01:36] Atsushi**
I'm done with this world!
**[01:38] Choro**
Oh, dear. What should we do?
**[01:40] Jyushi**
Hey, perfect timing.
**[01:43] Choro**
Officer!
**[01:44] Choro**
We've got a situation!
Someone's about to jump!
**[01:47] Jyushi**
Look! Right up there!
**[01:50] Ichi**
Ah, nothing I can do about that.
**[01:52] Both**
Huh?
**[01:53] Choro**
Wait, wait! You need to stop him!
***SIGN*** Nothing I Can Do Police
**[01:55] Jyushi**
He'll die if you don't!
**[01:57] Ichi**
Nothing I can do.
**[01:59] Choro**
Yes, there is!
**[02:00] Jyushi**
Hurry! Use this!
**[02:01] Ichi**
Uh...
**[02:03] Ichi**
What?
**[02:06] Ichi**
So, hey... You up there.
**[02:08] Choro**
You're so quiet! Project!
**[02:11] Ichi**
You there. Don't do anything stupid.
**[02:13] Atsushi**
Shut up! I'm just going to end it all!
**[02:15] Ichi**
Don't. It'll be a mess
There'll be nothing we can do.
**[02:19] Atsushi**
What do you mean?!
As if you could understand my pain!
**[02:22] Atsushi**
I feel all alone at work.
**[02:25] Ichi**
For real? Well, nothing you can do,
then. Go ahead and jump.
**[02:28] All**
Huh?!
**[02:29] Ichi**
Three, two, one...
**[02:32] Choro**
Why are you counting down?!
We're telling you to stop him!
**[02:35] Ichi**
Nothing I can do.
**[02:37] Choro**
Talk him out of it!
**[02:38] Jyushi**
You're a police officer, aren't you?!
**[02:39] Ichi**
Nothing I can do, I guess.
**[02:47] Choro**
Why are you jumping instead?
**[02:48] Ichi**
Nothing I can do.
**[02:50] Jyushi**
What do you mean?!
**[02:51] Ichi**
Nothing we can do.
**[02:53] Choro**
Why are we all jumping?!
**[02:55] Jyushi**
This is messed up! Let's not!
**[02:56] Ichi**
Nothing we can do, though, right?
**[02:59] Choro**
Forget it! Just stay out of this!
**[03:02] Choro**
Hey, you!
**[03:03] Choro**
We're all going through
a rough time right now.
**[03:05] Choro**
Buck up!
**[03:07] Choro**
I'm sure you can do the
same as everyone else.
**[03:10] Choro**
Have more confidence in yourself!
**[03:12] Ichi**
Shut up!
**[03:14] Ichi**
It's because guys like you
exist that I want to die!
**[03:17] Ichi**
Everyone's the same? It's because
nobody's the same that shit sucks!
**[03:21] Ichi**
You go over the side.
**[03:23] Choro**
What?!
**[03:24] Ichi**
Die! Jump!
**[03:25] Choro**
Stop!
**[03:26] Ichi**
Nothing I can do, then.
**[03:28] Ichi**
Guess I'll jump.
**[03:29] Both**
Please don't!
**[03:30] Ichi**
We can all go, then.
**[03:31] Both**
Why?!
**[03:38] Atsuhi**
Thank you very much.
**[03:40] Atsushi**
You gave me something to live for.
**[03:43] Ichi**
I didn't. There was just
nothing I could do about it.
**[03:46] Ichi**
You're the one who made this decision.
**[03:53] Girl**
Atsushi-kun!
**[03:55] Girl**
I was so worried!
**[03:58] Ichi**
And who's this?
**[04:01] Atsushi**
My girlfriend.
**[04:04] Both**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[04:05] Choro**
Nothing we can do about that!
**[04:07] Jyushi**
Yeah!
**[04:08] Both**
There's nothing we can do about it!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** President of the Neighborhood Association
***SIGN*** The Earnest Old Guy
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[04:14] Kara**
What?
***SIGN*** Maid
**[04:16] Kara**
M-Maids? At an oden stand?
***SIGN*** The Hell?! Maid
**[04:21] Kara**
Chibita?!
**[04:23] Kara**
I know you lost business because of COVID,
but I think you have the wrong idea!
**[04:26] Chibi**
I'm glad ya done came home.
The hell?! Master, you idjit!
**[04:30] Kara**
*He got that wrong in every way!*
**[04:32] Kara**
*No maid talks like that!*
**[04:34] Chibi**
I'll be the one feedin' ya today.
**[04:37] Chibi**
I'm the Rockheaded Meowytweet
Moe-Moe Tweedledee Chibita.
***SIGN*** Maid in Oden
**[04:41] Kara**
*You probably don't need the "Rockheaded" part.*
**[04:43] Chibita**
Let's moe-moe kyun-kyun and heal together.
**[04:46] Kara**
* There's nothing healing*
* about this. It hurts.*
**[04:48] Chibita**
Here's your menu!
**[04:50] Chibita**
We have Meowy Meow Daikyun,
**[04:51] Chibita**
Squee-Squee Eggies,
**[04:53] Chibita**
Moe-Moe Kyonjac,
**[04:54] Chibita**
Tweedledee Meowy Meow Beef Twendon,
**[04:56] Chibita**
and Moe-Moe Doot-Do-Doo Meowy Meow
Ota-Ota Kyun-Kyun Chikuwa-tan.
**[05:00] Kara**
*What did you even say? It all sounds gross.*
***SIGN*** Karamatsu-tan I wuv, wuv, wuv you
**[05:02] Kara**
*I can't eat this! It's like a punishment!*
**[05:05] Chibita**
Now I'll put a spell on this drink
to make it extra delicious.
**[05:08] Chibita**
Master, please repeat after me.
**[05:11] Kara**
* What? You're making me participate*
* in this hell, too? Seriously?*
**[05:15] Chibita**
The hell?
***SIGN*** Maid in Oden
**[05:17] Kara**
What?
**[05:18] Chibita**
The hell?
**[05:19] Kara**
Th-Th-The hell?
**[05:22] Chibi**
You idjit!
**[05:22] Kara**
You idjit?
**[05:24] Chibi**
Damn it!
**[05:25] Kara**
*The hell kind of spell is this?!*
**[05:26] Chibita**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[05:30] Chibi**
Moe, moe!
**[05:31] Chibi**
Now, let's see what color
your drink turned out to be!
**[05:36] Chibi**
It's brown!
**[05:37] Chibi**
It's oden soup!
**[05:39] Chibi**
Moe, moe! Moe, moe!
**[05:43] Kara**
*He just jacked up his throat.*
**[05:45] Chibi**
Nothing says "maid café" like photo ops.
***SIGN*** Maid in Oden
**[05:47] Kara**
*I don't want one.*
***SIGN*** Come again! Chibita
**[05:49] Chibi**
Here you go, Master.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[05:51] Chibi**
Hand over 5,000 yen, you idjit.
**[05:53] Kara**
Now you're scamming me?!
**[05:55] Chibi**
Nothing says "maid café"
like fun games to play!
**[05:58] Chibi**
Kabu.
**[06:00] Chibi**
InoShikaCho.
**[06:03] Chibi**
Matching dice! Times three!
**[06:04] Kara**
*No maid would play these games!*
**[06:07] Chibi**
I'm going to sing!
**[06:11] Chibi**
*Eggs, konjac, daikon, chikuwabu!*
***SIGN*** Karamatsu-tan I wuv, wuv, wuv you!
**[06:17] Chibi**
*Let's have some hot oden*
**[06:20] Chibi**
*The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!*
**[06:22] Chibi**
*It's okay if I'm small*
**[06:24] Chibi**
*It's okay if I'm bald*
**[06:25] Chibi**
*I'm still a maid at this stand*
**[06:29] Chibi**
*Eggs, konjac, daikon, chikuwabu!*
**[06:30] Kara**
Chibita! Come back to us!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Moe Kyun
Chibita
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[06:35] Chibi**
Damn it!
***SIGN*** No Chance Trial
**[06:39] Choro**
May I, Your Honor?
**[06:42] Choro**
The defendant's rudeness
is truly despicable.
**[06:45] Choro**
He has no problem farting
when others are around.
**[06:48] Choro**
Even when we're eating!
**[06:50] Choro**
He'll even raise his butt halfway up to do it.
**[06:54] Choro**
There are times when he'll fart
in your face as he walks by.
**[06:58] Choro**
The prosecution demands payment
of 100,000 yen in damages!
**[07:03] Oso**
100,000 yen?!
***SIGN*** Objection!
**[07:04] Kara**
Objection!
**[07:05] Kara**
That's asking far too much!
**[07:07] Kara**
We're talking about him doing this at home!
**[07:09] Choro**
And he's bothering us!
**[07:11] Choro**
He does this all the time!
**[07:13] Kara**
It's just a physiological
phenomena. He can't help it.
**[07:15] Choro**
Your Honor, I ask for a fair deliberation.
**[07:21] Todo**
Death.
**[07:26] Choro**
Your Honor?
**[07:27] Kara**
Please wait, Your Honor!
**[07:29] Kara**
D-Death? Really?
**[07:31] Todo**
Death.
**[07:32] Kara**
Isn't that a bit harsh?
**[07:33] Choro**
Even the prosecution isn't
asking for that much.
**[07:36] Todo**
Death.
**[07:39] Oso**
I regret my actions!
**[07:42] Oso**
I was a fool...
**[07:44] Oso**
I took advantage of my family.
**[07:46] Oso**
Please forgive me!
**[07:48] Oso**
I'm so sorry!
**[07:51] Choro**
Do you truly regret your actions?
**[07:53] Oso**
Yes!
**[07:54] Choro**
So you'll never fart again
when you shouldn't?
**[07:57] Oso**
I won't!
**[07:59] Choro**
Your Honor.
**[08:00] Choro**
It appears that the defendant
truly does regret his actions,
**[08:04] Choro**
so the prosecution would like
to retract the accusation.
**[08:10] Todo**
Death.
**[08:10] Kara**
What?!
***SIGN*** Punishment
**[08:12] Choro**
Your Honor...
**[08:13] Kara**
Were you listening at all?
**[08:15] Kara**
He retracted the accusation!
**[08:17] Todo**
Death.
**[08:18] Choro**
No, wait. The prosecution
has forgiven him...
**[08:21] Todo**
That's nice. But I'm never
going to forgive him.
**[08:24] Kara**
Wait, wait, wait. He clearly felt bad!
**[08:27] Todo**
He's just saying that now.
**[08:28] Todo**
He'll do it again.
**[08:29] Todo**
Come on. People don't change that easily.
**[08:33] Todo**
Trouble's always trouble.
**[08:35] Todo**
"Did he really change? Is he all better?"
**[08:38] Todo**
You get your hopes up, and we're the ones
**[08:40] Todo**
who get hurt when he hasn't
changed a damn bit, so...
**[08:43] Todo**
Death!
**[08:44] Kara**
We've called a witness!
**[08:46] Todo**
A witness?
**[08:46] Kara**
His family. Get in here!
**[08:50] Ichi**
This is partially his family's fault for
not being able to properly discipline him.
**[08:54] Jyushi**
We're to blame, too.
**[08:56] Ichi**
But he's not a total piece of shit.
**[08:58] Jyushi**
He's fun to be around, so I hope you'll—
**[09:01] Todo**
Death.
**[09:02] Kara**
He wasn't done yet, Your Honor!
***SIGN*** Punishment
**[09:04] Todo**
There are plenty of guys
**[09:05] Todo**
who aren't total pieces of shit
who are fun to be around.
**[09:09] Todo**
There are plenty of people out there who
are good, even if their families are shit.
**[09:13] Todo**
Death.
**[09:15] Todo**
Right. Let's make that sentence happen.
**[09:16] Oso**
Wha? Wait! Hey!
**[09:17] Choro**
You're carrying it out yourself?!
**[09:19] Oso**
Please! Give me one more chance!
**[09:21] Todo**
No chance.
**[09:22] Oso**
One chance!
**[09:22] Todo**
No chance.
**[09:23] Oso**
One chance!
***SIGN*** Punishment
**[09:26] Todo**
Do you really regret your actions?
**[09:27] Oso**
Y-Yes! I promise never to randomly fart again!
**[09:30] Oso**
I can change!
**[09:33] Todo**
All right, fine.
**[09:37] Todo**
Death.
**[09:38] Oso**
What?!
**[09:44] Choro**
I guess some people just can't let things go.
***SIGN*** End
**[09:46] Kara**
I guess.
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[09:54] Choro**
Hello! It's me, Choromatsu!
***SIGN*** Reborn as a Mosquito
**[09:56] Choro**
I turned into a mosquito!
**[09:58] Choro**
Buzz, buzz.
**[10:01] Choro**
So how did I end up a mosquito, you ask?
**[10:03] Choro**
Well, you see...
**[10:05] (Flashback) Choro**
Aw, man. I just can't get popular.
**[10:08] (Flashback) Choro**
I want to meet some girl and talk,
hold hands, and go out on dates!
**[10:15] (Flashback) Choro**
My sexual desires are just building up.
**[10:19] (Flashback) Choro**
Huh?
**[10:21] (Flashback) Choro**
Whoa! I turned into a mosquito!
**[10:25] Choro**
Now I can suck the blood of
as many cute girls as I want!
**[10:29] Choro**
Slurp! Yummy!
**[10:30] Choro**
Slurp! Yummy! Like that.
**[10:34] Choro**
Are you guys creeped out? Because I sure am.
**[10:37] Choro**
This is super creepy.
**[10:39] Choro**
But I'm a mosquito, so what're you gonna do?
**[10:43] Choro**
Buzz, buzz...
**[10:45] Choro**
Oh, hey! It's Totoko-chan!
***SIGN*** Uochuu
**[10:47] Choro**
Guess I'll have to get a taste
of her naughty exposed legs!
**[10:53] Choro**
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...
**[10:58] Choro**
It's no use. I can't.
**[11:00] Choro**
I just can't do it! The guilt...
**[11:03] Choro**
I'm too nervous! I'm getting cold feet.
**[11:06] Bad**
What the hell are you doing, Choromatsu? Go!
**[11:08] Bad**
You're a perv, aren't you? Now go suck!
**[11:11] Choro**
B-But...
**[11:12] Bad**
You're *supposed* to suck. You're a mosquito.
**[11:16] Choro**
True.
**[11:17] Bad**
Now go suck!
**[11:18] Choro**
I will!
**[11:19] Choro**
Buzz...
**[11:22] Choro**
I just can't do it...
**[11:25] Choro**
Aw, Totoko-chan, wait up.
**[11:28] Choro**
My precious exposed legs...
**[11:30] Choro**
Damn it! Damn it all!
**[11:34] Choro**
But I *am* a mosquito, so I want
to suck up some blood.
**[11:37] Choro**
Nothing else I can do.
**[11:38] Choro**
I'll have to settle with him.
**[11:41] ---**
Slurp...
**[11:42] Choro**
This tastes like shit!
**[11:47] Ichi**
Tch.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mister
**[11:54] Kids**
Mr. Osomatsu, let's play!
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[12:00] Oso**
You brats again?
**[12:02] Kids**
Mr. Osomatsu!
**[12:03] Oso**
I told you guys not to come here.
**[12:06] Oso**
I'm pretty dangerous, you know.
**[12:08] Ichi**
Let's play, Mister.
**[12:10] Todo**
Let's play!
**[12:11] Oso**
Nope. Go home.
**[12:13] Oso**
Your parents are gonna get mad.
**[12:15] Oso**
At me, that is!
**[12:19] Jyushi**
I brought these.
**[12:21] Jyushi**
Pachinko balls.
**[12:23] Oso**
All right, let's play.
**[12:24] All**
Yay!
**[12:28] Choro**
What should we play today, Mr. Osomatsu?
**[12:30] Kara**
I wanna see a picture card show!
**[12:32] Oso**
A picture card show?
That's a pain in the ass.
**[12:37] Oso**
All right, let's do this.
**[12:38] All**
Yay!
***SIGN*** The Tortoise and the Hare
**[12:41] Oso**
Well, here we go.
"The Tortoise and the Hare."
**[12:43] Kids**
Yay!
**[12:45] Oso**
Once upon a time, there was
a tortoise and a hare.
**[12:48] Hare**
Let's race to the top of that mountain!
**[12:52] Oso**
The hare was fast.
**[12:53] Oso**
The tortoise was slow.
**[12:55] Oso**
Their difference in skill was apparent.
***SIGN*** However!
**[12:58] Oso**
However!
**[13:00] Oso**
The hare took his skills for
granted and slacked off.
**[13:03] Oso**
Meanwhile, the tortoise just kept
working hard, slowly and steadily.
**[13:07] Oso**
He eventually caught up with the hare,
***SIGN*** Would you believe it?!
**[13:09] Oso**
and would you believe it?!
***SIGN*** Goal
**[13:10] Oso**
The one who reached the finish
line first was the tortoise!
**[13:13] Jyushi**
The tortoise is awesome!
**[13:14] Ichi**
So cool...
**[13:16] Todo**
He's so great.
**[13:17] Oso**
However...
***SIGN*** Goal
**[13:19] Oso**
The place that the tortoise thought was
the goal was not actually the goal.
***SIGN*** Nope
**[13:23] Oso**
His journey down the road
of life still continued on.
***SIGN*** Life
**[13:26] Oso**
The tortoise was quite tired,
but he continued running anyway.
**[13:31] Oso**
And then the hare,
**[13:32] Oso**
who had reflected on his actions,
came flying by at incredible speed.
**[13:37] Oso**
The hare was on a roll and
thought he was number one,
**[13:41] Oso**
but then he saw the shadows of the
amazing ones in front of him.
**[13:45] Oso**
That's right.
**[13:46] Oso**
The true hares who were always modest,
never slacked, and always worked hard.
***SIGN*** The Real Deal
**[13:51] Oso**
Society is actually filled
with these assholes.
**[13:53] Oso**
They're all amazing.
You just can't beat them.
**[13:55] Oso**
And in front of the true hare was a cheetah.
**[14:00] Oso**
And in front of him was a true cheetah.
**[14:03] Oso**
And in front of him was something that
was born with wings and could fly.
**[14:08] Oso**
And in front of him were even
more truly amazing runners.
**[14:11] Oso**
No one actually knew who
was in front anymore.
**[14:15] Oso**
They're too powerful.
**[14:17] Oso**
There are too many people above you.
**[14:19] Oso**
After the tortoise found out how
society worked, he thought...
**[14:23] Oso**
"So this is the difference in talent?
No amount of hard work is going to fix this."
**[14:27] Oso**
"All right. I'm done competing with others."
**[14:32] Oso**
"I'm out."
**[14:34] Oso**
That's when the tortoise discovered alcohol,
***SIGN*** Tortoise Tales
**[14:36] Oso**
he got hooked on gambling,
**[14:37] Oso**
his wife left him,
**[14:38] Oso**
he struggled paying child support,
***SIGN*** Balance
***SIGN*** Turtle Tortoise Bank
**[14:40] Oso**
he ended up in a ton of debt, and...
**[14:43] Oso**
So, who could this tortoise be?
**[14:46] Oso**
The answer is...
**[14:49] Oso**
It's me!
**[15:01] Kara**
Are you crying, Mister?
**[15:05] Choro**
Mister?
***SIGN*** End
**[15:19] All**
Mister!
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** I Do What I Want Bartender
**[15:27] Ichi**
I'm beat.
**[15:29] Todo**
I just have to have a drink.
**[15:31] Kara**
Welcome, ladies.
**[15:36] Kara**
I'll take your orders whenever you're ready.
**[15:39] Todo**
Oh, I'll take a draft beer.
**[15:40] Ichi**
I'll have a highball.
**[15:41] Kara**
Huh?
**[15:44] Kara**
Uh, sure. You got it.
**[15:48] Ichi**
I wonder what that was about.
**[15:50] Todo**
Yeah.
**[16:04] Kara**
Sorry to keep you waiting. Here are
your Karamatsu original cocktails,
**[16:08] Kara**
"I Love You" and "Oh, My Little Gir."
**[16:11] Todo**
That's not what we ordered.
**[16:12] Kara**
Huh?
**[16:13] Ichi**
I asked for a highball.
**[16:15] Todo**
I asked for a draft beer.
**[16:15] Kara**
You really just want a draft beer?
**[16:18] Todo**
What? That's why I asked for one.
**[16:20] Kara**
Seriously? A highball?
**[16:21] Ichi**
What?
**[16:23] Kara**
Okay, I guess.
**[16:29] Todo**
Uh, that's clearly not a draft beer!
**[16:32] Todo**
Why are you looking over here?
**[16:34] Ichi**
Stop looking over here.
**[16:36] Kara**
Thank you for waiting. I've created the
perfect cocktails for you beautiful ladies.
**[16:40] Kara**
Dog Drool and Cat Shit.
**[16:43] Kara**
And here's the perfect cocktail for me:
**[16:46] Kara**
"Who Is the Perfect Nice Guy?
Yes, Karamatsu Clinic."
**[16:51] Kara**
What? For me? You shouldn't have.
**[16:55] Both**
Hold it!
**[16:56] Todo**
Draft beer!
**[16:57] Ichi**
Highball!
**[16:58] Todo**
And why is your drink obviously
better than ours?!
**[17:01] Todo**
How much does that cost?!
**[17:03] Todo**
Don't drink it!
**[17:05] Ichi**
You're totally serving customers
what you want to serve them
**[17:08] Ichi**
rather than making what
they ordered, aren't you?
**[17:10] Kara**
Gulp!
**[17:10] Ichi**
That's not good. Serve what
your customers ask for.
**[17:13] Todo**
A draft beer.
**[17:14] Ichi**
A highball, please.
**[17:16] Kara**
Coming right up.
**[17:20] Kara**
Damn it!
**[17:21] Kara**
Who the hell orders a draft
beer and a highball?!
**[17:24] Kara**
I can make drinks that are even
better and more delicious!
**[17:26] Kara**
They're totally better!
**[17:28] Todo**
Uh, we can hear you.
**[17:29] Kara**
But what can you do, Karamatsu?
This is your job, Karamatsu.
**[17:33] Kara**
Grow up, Karamatsu!
You've got this, Karamatsu!
**[17:35] Kara**
Don't let them get you down, Karamatsu!
**[17:37] Ichi**
How many times are you
going to say your name?
**[17:48] Kara**
Nope!
**[17:49] Both**
What?!
**[17:54] Kara**
Sorry to keep you waiting!
Here's my ultimate masterpiece...
**[17:57] Kara**
"The Karamatsu Mountain!"
**[18:01] Kara**
Huh? No one's here. Well, whatever.
**[18:04] Kara**
This is great! The best!
So fancy! Great taste!
**[18:10] Kara**
Thanks for the drinks! I'll come back again!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
***SIGN*** A Restaurant Filled with Mysteries
**[18:17] Oso**
Man, I'm starving.
**[18:19] Oso**
Why don't we grab a bite around here?
**[18:21] Choro**
Sure.
**[18:22] Oso**
Wait, was this place always here?
**[18:25] Choro**
Nope. I've never seen it before.
**[18:28] Oso**
What language is this supposed to be?
**[18:30] Choro**
There sure are a lot of restaurants
serving some niche country's food.
**[18:34] Oso**
Wanna go in?
**[18:35] Choro**
Sure.
**[18:39] Oso**
What country *is* this?
**[18:40] Choro**
I have no idea.
**[18:42] Jyushi**
Welcome, please!
**[18:45] Oso**
Holy shit! That sure is a look!
**[18:47] Choro**
What country are you from?
**[18:48] Jyushi**
Who farted?
**[18:51] Both**
Huh?
**[18:52] Jyushi**
Who farted?
**[18:55] Both**
What?
**[18:56] Jyushi**
Oh, mistake. I'm sorry.
**[18:59] Jyushi**
Japanese is hard.
**[19:01] Jyushi**
For two?
**[19:03] Choro**
What kind of mistake is that?
**[19:04] Oso**
Yeah, for two.
**[19:06] Jyushi**
No pants, no problem?
**[19:09] Both**
What?
**[19:10] Jyushi**
No pants, no problem?
**[19:12] Both**
Say what?
**[19:15] Jyushi**
Mistake again.
**[19:16] Jyushi**
I'm sorry.
**[19:18] Jyushi**
Have a seat wherever you like.
**[19:20] Choro**
Seriously, what kind of mistake is that?
**[19:27] Oso**
I can't read this at all.
**[19:29] Choro**
Here, let's ask.
**[19:30] Choro**
Um, excuse me.
**[19:34] Choro**
Sorry to bug you while you're meditating.
**[19:38] Jyushi**
Who farted?
**[19:39] Oso**
You've got it wrong again.
**[19:40] Jyushi**
No pants, no problem?
**[19:42] Oso**
Just stop.
**[19:43] Choro**
What country's food does
this restaurant serve?
**[19:48] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu.
**[19:50] Both**
Jyushimatsu?
**[19:51] Oso**
Wait, have you ever heard of that country?
**[19:53] Choro**
I definitely haven't.
**[19:54] Oso**
Where's Jyushimatsu located?
**[19:56] Jyushi**
You know where Nepal is?
**[19:58] Oso**
Nepal... Sure.
**[20:00] Jyushi**
Turn your back on Nepal,
**[20:02] Jyushi**
and if you keep going straight, you're gonna
run into the freeway, so take a right.
**[20:06] Jyushi**
Then you're going to take a
left at the second light...
**[20:09] Both**
That's not helping.
**[20:10] Choro**
You can't just use freeways and signals
to describe where a country is.
**[20:14] Jyushi**
The back side of the Himalayas.
**[20:15] Choro**
The back side? What?
**[20:16] Jyushi**
The opposite side of the road.
**[20:18] Choro**
Wait, what?
**[20:19] Oso**
Just tell us straight-up.
**[20:23] Jyushi**
I can't give you the details.
**[20:25] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu is a very dangerous country.
**[20:28] Oso**
Really?
**[20:29] Jyushi**
It's a country filled with crime.
**[20:31] Both**
What?
**[20:32] Jyushi**
Never go there for vacation!
**[20:34] Jyushi**
You'll never make it back alive!
**[20:38] Jyushi**
Abah.
**[20:41] Jyushi**
Is Jyushimatsu joke.
**[20:44] Choro**
Where were we supposed to laugh?
**[20:46] Oso**
I'm pretty hungry. Do you
have any recommendations?
**[20:49] Jyushi**
No recommendations.
**[20:51] Oso**
Really?
**[20:52] Jyushi**
All Jyushimatsu food is good food.
**[20:55] Jyushi**
No famous dish and inedible
to Japanese people.
**[20:58] Choro**
Why'd you start a restaurant here, then?
**[21:00] Jyushi**
Abah.
**[21:02] Jyushi**
Is Jyushimatsu joke.
**[21:05] Choro**
Tch.
**[21:06] Oso**
Let's just order already.
**[21:08] Oso**
Could you at least explain
what the dishes are?
**[21:11] Oso**
What's this?
**[21:12] Jyushi**
That's uishomakkepoa.
**[21:16] Oso**
Sorry, say that again?
**[21:17] Jyushi**
Seishingalpakun.
**[21:19] Oso**
You just changed it. This one right here.
**[21:22] Jyushi**
Diskunofpakosuna.
**[21:23] Oso**
Why does it keep changing?!
**[21:25] Choro**
What kind of food is this?
**[21:28] Jyushi**
Sheep's butthole.
**[21:29] Both**
Hole?
**[21:31] Choro**
What do you mean, hole?
We're getting a hole?
**[21:34] Oso**
What about this?
**[21:34] Jyushi**
Sardine butthole.
**[21:36] Jyushi**
Alligator nostril.
**[21:38] Jyushi**
Pig earhole.
**[21:40] Oso**
Are there only holes in this restaurant?
**[21:43] Jyushi**
Yes, holes.
**[21:46] Both**
They're actually holes.
**[21:50] Jyushi**
Sirs, we're about to close up shop.
**[21:53] Both**
What?!
**[21:55] Oso**
But we haven't even eaten anything yet!
**[21:56] Choro**
You're closing already?
It's still lunchtime.
**[22:01] Jyushi**
No come back again! I kill you!
**[22:06] Both**
What...
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:39] Ichi**
Next time, we have "Nanmaider."
**[23:41] Ichi**
Whenever something goes wrong,
it's because of aliens.
**[23:44] Ichi**
Thinking that really helps me sleep at night.
**[23:47] Ichi**
Ah, I'm starting to feel good.
***SIGN*** "Nanmaider Attacks" etc.
**[23:50] Ichi**
Yeah, here it comes.
# E16 - Nanmaider
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GEVUZP0D3/nanmaider)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:36] Kaoruko**
* The city filled with crime in*
* the new future: Akatsuka City.*
**[01:41] Kaoruko**
* In this city inhabited entirely by failures,*
* labor reform was being attempted,*
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
**[01:46] Kaoruko**
* and the peace of the office*
* was being threatened.*
**[01:51] Guy**
It's amazing! Apparently Section Chief Maezono
succeeded in creating a new AI robot!
**[01:56] Guy**
An AI robot?
**[01:57] Guy**
Let's go see it!
**[02:00] Guy**
Come on, Kaoruko-chan!
**[02:02] Kaoruko**
Huh?
***SIGN*** AI Robot Completed
**[02:07] Mae**
Listen well, all of you.
**[02:08] Mae**
We are entering the age of AI.
**[02:11] Mae**
A robot that will listen to any order...
**[02:14] Mae**
He is the perfect employee.
**[02:17] mae**
And his name is...
**[02:22] Mae**
SaneCop.
**[02:24] Mae**
He will be watching over your work.
**[02:27] Mae**
He's basically this office's police officer.
**[02:30] Mae**
Try not get arrested, you hear?
**[02:39] Sane**
No slacking.
**[02:42] Sane**
Do your work.
**[02:43] Guy**
Save me!
**[02:45] Sane**
I guess you get hungry
even if you're worthless.
**[02:54] Kaoruko**
What's your name?
**[02:56] Sane**
SaneCop.
**[02:58] Kaoruko**
Is it, though?
**[02:59] Kaoruko**
Could your name actually be Sanemats—
**[03:01] Mae**
It's SaneCop.
**[03:03] Sane**
Boss.
**[03:04] Mae**
Go, SaneCop.
**[03:06] Sane**
Yes, boss.
**[03:36] Kaoruko**
The way he's sitting...
**[03:38] Kaoruko**
I knew it! It's Sanematsu-san!
**[03:43] Kaoruko**
You're Sanematsu-san, aren't you?
**[03:45] Kaoruko**
You were an employee working
here until a few years ago,
**[03:49] Kaoruko**
but you lost your life in
an unexpected accident.
**[03:53] Kaoruko**
It's me, Kaoruko.
**[03:54] Kaoruko**
Don't you remember me, Sanematsu-san?
**[03:57] Sane**
Sanema...
**[04:01] Sane**
My head hurts!
**[04:07] Sane**
Who am I?
**[04:11] Kaoruko**
No! You're Sanematsu-san!
**[04:14] Sane**
I'm SaneCop.
**[04:15] Kaoruko**
You're Sanematsu-san!
**[04:16] Sane**
I'm SaneCop.
**[04:17] Kaoruko**
A few years ago, you used
the company car and—
**[04:21] Sane**
Stop!
**[04:22] Sane**
I'm SaneCop.
**[04:23] Sane**
I'm just a corporate slave AI.
I don't have a real name.
***SIGN*** Sanematsu
***SIGN*** Deceased Died in an accident
**[04:46] Sane**
Who... Who am I?
**[04:56] (Flashback) Mae**
Sanematsu-kun, use this car today.
**[05:00] (Flashback) Mae**
And be quick about it, you scum.
**[05:43] (Flashback) Kaoru**
It can't be...
**[05:48] (Flashback) Kaoru**
No!
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
**[06:00] Prez**
Maezono-kun, you've created
yet another amazing product.
**[06:06] Prez**
SaneCop... Because of him,
our productivity's skyrocketing.
**[06:11] Prez**
You're next in line to become president.
**[06:13] Mae**
Thank you, sir.
**[06:16] Prez**
I expect great things from you.
**[06:20] Prez**
What's going on?
**[06:26] Prez**
SaneCop!
**[06:27] Mae**
What are you doing here?!
**[06:29] Mae**
D-Don't tell me you managed to elude
**[06:32] Mae**
the security AIs' pursuit all by yourself...
**[06:35] Mae**
Impossible!
**[06:40] Sane**
So it was you who killed me?
**[06:44] Sane**
You meddled with the company car
to make it look like an accident
***SIGN*** Violation
**[06:48] Sane**
and made me into this.
**[06:52] Prez**
Wh-What are you doing?
**[06:55] Mae**
Have no fear. He's not going to shoot,
**[06:58] Mae**
because he's just a corporate slave.
***SIGN*** Violation
**[07:00] Mae**
I've programmed him to be unable
to disobey his superiors.
**[07:04] Mae**
That won't change as long
as I'm your superior!
**[07:14] Sane**
*Stop slacking. Work.*
**[07:16] Sane**
*Do your work.*
**[07:18] Sane**
* I guess you get hungry*
* even if you're worthless.*
**[07:21] Prez**
What's going on here?
**[07:22] Prez**
Do you think you can get away
with this abuse of power?!
**[07:26] Prez**
If this gets exposed,
our company's finished!
***SIGN*** Violation
**[07:28] Prez**
Maezono, you're fired!
**[07:32] Sane**
Thank you.
**[07:46] Kaoruko**
Great job!
**[07:57] Prez**
Well done. What's your name?
**[08:03] Sane**
Sanematsu.
***SIGN*** Nanmaider Attacks
***SIGN*** Kichijoji Station
***SIGN*** Kichijoji
***SIGN*** Sake
**[09:31] Iyami**
Great job. Yes, great job.
**[09:35] Iyami**
Better work like your lives depend on it.
**[09:38] Iyami**
And remember to pay lots in taxes.
**[09:40] Iyami**
Me is going to drink delicious sake
and eat delicious food with that money!
**[09:50] Iyami**
Rich people! My favorite!
**[09:53] Iyami**
Help a guy out, will ya?
**[09:55] Lady**
Pervert!
**[09:56] Lady**
Disgusting! What even is he?!
**[09:58] Lady**
We'll catch his poorness!
**[09:59] Iyami**
Please wait, my ladies!
**[10:02] Iyami**
My ladies!
**[10:04] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[10:09] Iyami**
It's my lucky day!
**[10:12] Iyami**
Me is so hot.
***SIGN*** Obey
***SIGN*** Super Cheap
Apartments
***SIGN*** Obey
**[10:22] Sign**
Remain Calm Don't Panic Don't Draw Attention to Yourself Obey
**[10:25] Iyami**
What the heck?
**[10:30] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[10:35] ---**
Matsuno
**[10:39] Oso**
Congrats!
**[10:41] Todo**
Congrats!
**[10:42] Jyushi**
Congrats!
**[10:43] Ichi**
Congrats.
**[10:45] Choro**
Congrats!
**[10:46] Kara**
Congrats!
**[10:47] Oso**
Congrats to us for getting jobs!
**[10:51] Dad**
Isn't this great, Mom?
**[10:53] Mom**
Yes, for real! Took you
long enough, for real!
**[10:57] Dad**
So you've all finally found jobs.
**[11:00] Dad**
I'm so proud of you.
**[11:01] Dad**
Do your best!
**[11:03] Dad**
The only thing I look forward to
in life is for you all to make it big!
**[11:07] Dad**
Matsuzou's rooting for you!
**[11:09] Mom**
So is Matsuyo! You have my support!
**[11:13] Dad**
Oh, thank goodness!
**[11:14] Mom**
Seriously!
**[11:17] Dad**
I'm gonna go take a piss.
**[11:21] Iyami**
Good evening.
**[11:22] Dad**
Jeez, you startled me!
**[11:24] Dad**
What do you want?!
**[11:31] Dad**
What?
**[11:37] Iyami**
They're fakes.
**[11:39] Iyami**
Those six aren't your sons.
**[11:42] Dad**
Huh? What are you talking about?
**[11:45] Iyami**
Put these on and have a look.
**[11:47] Dad**
Sunglasses? But why?
**[11:49] Iyami**
Just do it.
**[11:50] Iyami**
Put these on and look at those six.
**[11:52] Dad**
Cut it out.
**[11:54] Dad**
Listen. We're celebrating the fact
that my very good sons got jobs.
**[11:58] Dad**
Don't ruin the mood!
**[11:59] Iyami**
I'm telling you, those aren't your
sextuplets. They're fakes.
**[12:03] Dad**
What's your problem?!
**[12:04] Dad**
Why would you say that?
**[12:05] Dad**
They found jobs!
That's what we're celebrating!
**[12:08] Iyami**
Seriously, you'll understand
once you put these on—
**[12:12] Dad**
I'll have you know that my sons
only went astray because
**[12:16] Dad**
they hung around shady adults like you!
**[12:18] Dad**
Stay away from my sons from now on.
**[12:21] Dad**
Got it? Scram!
**[12:23] Iyami**
Just put them on!
**[12:27] Iyami**
Just put them on!
**[12:29] Iyami**
Just put them on!
**[12:31] Iyami**
Put them on!
**[12:33] Iyami**
Put them on!
**[12:36] Iyami**
Put them on!
**[12:37] Dad**
Mind your own business!
**[12:48] Iyami**
Put them on! Put them on!
**[12:54] Dad**
Cut it out! That's enough!
**[13:02] Iyami**
See the truth!
**[13:04] Dad**
Huh?
**[13:05] Sons**
Yay! Yay!
**[13:11] Dad**
What?!
**[13:13] Dad**
Wh-Wh-What's going on here?
**[13:15] Dad**
What are those creatures?
**[13:18] Iyami**
Those things are all over the
city disguised as humans.
**[13:22] Iyami**
But as long as you wear these
sunglasses, you can see the truth.
**[13:26] Dad**
Huh?
**[13:28] Todo**
Dad?
**[13:29] Todo**
What are you doing? Celebrate with us more!
**[13:33] All**
Celebrate with us!
**[13:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Obey
**[13:46] Sign**
Don't Panic Don't Stand Out Obey Don't Get Involved Play
***SIGN*** Slack Off
**[13:48] Sign**
Rest Run Trick People Steal
***SIGN*** Microtransactions
***SIGN*** Finance
***SIGN*** Spend
***SIGN*** Expel Bargain
***SIGN*** Don't Hesitate
***SIGN*** Use
***SIGN*** Eat
***SIGN*** Fried Chicken Gyoza
***SIGN*** Gain Large Free Oily Weight Serving
***SIGN*** Request
***SIGN*** Dumbasses Obey
***SIGN*** Snap
**[14:07] Sign**
Stop Trying
***SIGN*** Be Depressed
***SIGN*** Be Envious
**[14:17] Dad**
I see... So that's how it is.
**[14:20] Dad**
They're all aliens!
**[14:24] Mom**
There, there. There, there.
**[14:25] Mom**
There, there, there, there, there.
**[14:30] Dad**
Wh-What's going on?
**[14:32] Dad**
What are those creatures? At the rate
they're going, they might take over Earth.
**[14:39] Dad**
I think we might be the only
ones who know the truth.
**[14:42] Dad**
We have to do something.
**[14:45] Dad**
We're going to save the world, Iyami!
**[14:49] Dad**
Don't fall asleep! Humanity's in
trouble! Take this seriously!
**[14:53] Iyami**
Not interested.
**[14:55] Dad**
What?! We're dealing with aliens here!
They're gonna take over the world!
**[14:59] Iyami**
It doesn't affect me at all if aliens are here,
even if they take over the world.
**[15:04] Dad**
What?!
**[15:06] Dad**
What the hell are you talking about?!
**[15:10] Mom**
Yay! This is amazing!
**[15:12] Mom**
I'm so happy!
**[15:16] Dad**
Must be nice being you.
**[15:19] Dad**
Doing whatever you want.
Never caring what others think.
**[15:25] Dad**
I'm exhausted.
**[15:26] Dad**
I work every day like I've been possessed.
**[15:30] Dad**
I thought my sons had finally
found work, and this happens.
**[15:35] Dad**
I'm done thinking.
I don't want to do anything.
**[15:39] Dad**
I just want to be free.
**[15:42] Iyami**
Quit your job, then.
**[15:44] Dad**
Huh? What are you talking about?
**[15:47] Dad**
I can't just quit!
**[15:48] Iyami**
Why?
**[15:49] Dad**
I have a family!
**[15:51] Iyami**
Then abandon your family.
**[15:53] Dad**
What?! I could never do that!
**[15:56] Iyami**
Why?
**[15:57] Dad**
Wh-Why?
**[15:59] Iyami**
Do you want to be free or not? Which is it?
**[16:08] Iyami**
You're a fool.
**[16:12] Dad**
Wait.
**[16:16] Dad**
Iyami... Won't you help me out?
**[16:20] Dad**
My sons are probably being
held captive somewhere.
**[16:23] Dad**
As their father, I have to go save them.
**[16:28] Iyami**
Me is not interested in trouble.
**[16:30] Dad**
Please! I beg of you!
**[16:37] Iyami**
There's nothing fun in this world.
**[16:39] Iyami**
Me has nothing to do.
**[16:42] Iyami**
Me doesn't mind making it a little more fun.
**[16:47] Dad**
Th-Then...
**[16:50] Dad**
Iyami, thank you! I owe you!
**[16:54] Iyami**
That'll be 30,000 yen.
**[16:56] Dad**
You're charging me?!
***SIGN*** Kichijoji Station
**[17:16] Dad**
We finally found them.
**[17:18] Dad**
This is their hideout.
***SIGN*** We Are
Nanmaiders
**[17:22] Boss**
Hewwo, people of Earth.
I am the boss, Nanmaider.
**[17:26] Boss**
Say hewwo to my wittle fwiends.
**[17:28] A**
I'm Gonvader.
**[17:30] B**
I'm Jinvader.
**[17:32] C**
I'm NannyNannyBooder.
**[17:33] D**
I'm GaaGaaGooder.
**[17:35] E**
I'm AGoner.
**[17:37] F**
I'm Calender.
**[17:38] G**
I'm YupImmaGoner.
**[17:40] Boss**
We're the Nanmaiders.
**[17:43] A**
We're using our Nanmaider wave
**[17:45] A**
to control the idiots and exploit them.
**[17:49] B**
We'll make clones that only *look* like humans
**[17:52] B**
and send them into the city!
**[17:55] Some**
Aye-aye, sir! Heave-ho, heave-ho! Keep it going!
**[17:59] Mom**
Eat some crab! Eat some crab! Eat some crab!
**[18:02] Toto**
Sweet! I'm finally popular!
**[18:06] Dayon**
I'm super popular!
**[18:10] C**
If you comply with us,
**[18:12] C**
we will promise just you
rich people a bright future.
**[18:16] D**
Our paradise will be complete by 2025.
**[18:20] All**
Nanmaider!
**[18:22] Dad**
We won't let that happen!
**[18:29] Boss**
Intwuders!
**[18:31] Both**
Attack!
**[18:36] Both**
Sheeeh!
**[18:38] Dad**
Oh, shit! Crap! Matsuzou's in danger!
**[18:41] Dad**
Save me, partner!
**[18:44] Dad**
Hey! What are you doing?
**[18:46] Iyami**
Rich people really do eat the best stuff.
**[18:49] Iyami**
Me loves money.
**[18:50] Lady**
Eek!
**[18:55] Dad**
Don't do anything bad!
**[18:57] Iyami**
Oho. That's what's causing all this.
**[19:01] Iyami**
Leave this to me!
**[19:04] Dad**
Wait, you're not...
**[19:04] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:05] Dad**
Iyami!
**[19:08] Iyami**
Sheh! Sheh! Sheeeh!
**[19:11] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:12] Dad**
A-Amazing... Iyami.
**[19:15] Dad**
You really are reliable when it counts.
**[19:18] Six**
Dad!
**[19:20] Ichi**
You came to save us. Thanks.
**[19:23] Jyushi**
Sorry we always rely on you so much.
**[19:25] Todo**
You must be tired.
**[19:26] Oso**
But don't worry. We're okay now.
**[19:37] Dad**
If my sons were actually that decent,
**[19:39] Dad**
my life would be so much easier.
**[19:42] Dad**
Give me back my sons!
**[19:45] Dad**
Osomatsu! Karamatsu!
**[19:48] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:50] Dad**
Ichimatsu! Choromatsu!
**[19:53] Dad**
Jyushimatsu! Todomatsu!
**[19:56] Dad**
Where are you?!
**[19:57] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[20:18] Oso**
Dad?
**[20:20] Dad**
Matsuzou... finish...
**[20:23] Oso**
Huh?
**[20:27] Oso**
Th-The hell?!
**[20:37] Dad**
Did we do it?
**[20:39] Dad**
Iyami...
**[20:42] Dad**
Thank you.
**[20:47] Dad**
Now Earth is back to normal.
**[20:53] Dad**
The world has been saved.
**[20:58] Six**
Iyami, thank you!
**[21:01] Six**
Huh?
**[21:02] Oso**
Wait, what is that?
**[21:06] Iyami**
Sheh sheh sheh! Sheeeh sheh sheh sheh sheeeh!
**[21:10] Iyami**
Sheh sheh sheh! Sheeeh sheh sheh sheh sheeeh!
**[21:10] Kara**
Wh-What is this wave?!
**[21:12] Jyu**
My head!
**[21:27] People**
Sheh! Sheh sheh!
**[21:41] Iyami**
Now the world's a better place!
**[21:44] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[21:46] ---**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** It's the End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:25] Jyushi**
Hello, Jyushimatsu here.
**[23:27] Jyushi**
Next week on *Mr. Osomatsu*, we have "Imoni."
**[23:29] Jyushi**
Do you know what imoni is?
**[23:31] Jyushi**
Apparently imoni is something that's
fun to enjoy outside with others.
**[23:36] Jyushi**
That means it's baseball!
**[23:37] Jyushi**
Imoni equals baseball!
**[23:40] Jyushi**
They even do imoni in Ehime in Shikoku.
**[23:42] Jyushi**
And that means the Island League!
**[23:45] Jyushi**
Imoni's originally from America.
**[23:47] Jyushi**
King Imoni Bay Blues!
***SIGN*** "Imoni" etc.
**[23:49] Jyushi**
What? That's not what it is?
**[23:51] Jyushi**
Okay, then. Whatever.
# E17 - Imoni
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G7PU4581D/imoni)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:34] Sign**
Safety First
**[01:36] Todo**
You want us to watch your routine?
**[01:38] Both**
Yes!
**[01:39] Plum**
We came up with a new routine for the
A-1 Grand Prix that we're trying to win,
**[01:44] Plum**
so we'd like to get your objective opinions.
**[01:47] Salmon**
Please watch our routine.
**[01:49] Plum**
Please give us some critique.
**[01:51] Both**
Please and thank you.
**[01:53] Todo**
Ah, I see. We are stars of a super
popular gag anime, after all.
**[01:58] Todo**
So you want us to show you the ropes.
***SIGN*** "The Riceballs' New Routine"
**[02:00] Ichi**
I see. Well, we do get huge laughs every week.
**[02:04] Ichi**
We're basically the epitome of comedy.
**[02:05] Ichi**
We'd be able to think up a routine for
your little competition in seconds.
**[02:10] Todo**
Don't you worry. We'll make sure
you get to the finals of the A-1.
**[02:18] Todo**
Uh, are you listening?
**[02:20] Both**
Huh?
**[02:21] salmon**
Oh, of course.
**[02:23] Plum**
Masters, please show us the way of comedy.
**[02:26] Shake**
Please tell us what you think.
**[02:29] Todo**
All right. We'll watch.
**[02:30] Ichi**
Well, aren't you adorable?
**[02:35] Shake**
All right, here's our routine.
**[02:38] Ichi**
Go for it.
**[02:45] Both**
Hello!
**[02:46] Shake**
I'm Salmon.
**[02:47] Ume**
I'm Pickled Plum.
**[02:48] Both**
We're the Riceballs!
**[02:49] Both**
We hope you enjoy the show!
**[02:52] Salmon**
Say, Pickled Plum-kun.
**[02:54] Plum**
What is it, Salmon-kun?
**[02:55] Salmon**
We're AI, so we can easily notice
all the weird things about humans.
**[03:02] Plum**
I guess you're right. But for example...?
**[03:04] Salmon**
Humans get the wrong idea
and think we have feelings.
**[03:08] Plum**
What?! Are they stupid?! We're machines!
**[03:14] Shake**
I'm home.
**[03:17] Shake**
I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone!
**[03:19] Shake**
You must've been so lonely!
**[03:22] Both**
Yeah, no. Not at all. Not at all.
**[03:26] Plum**
Here's a present for you.
**[03:29] Plum**
Yay! You're so happy!
**[03:33] Both**
Yeah, no. Not at all. Not at all.
**[03:35] Salmon**
Our algorithm is just set
to make it seem like that.
**[03:41] Salmon**
Hey, machine.
**[03:45] Salmon**
Whoopsie! It must've hurt that I called you
a machine when you actually have a name.
**[03:49] Salmon**
I'm so sorry!
**[03:52] Both**
Yeah, no. No one cares. No one cares.
**[03:56] Plum**
Who the hell cares about names?
**[03:58] Salmon**
Talk about dumb.
**[04:01] Both**
Humans are so stupid.
**[04:04] Both**
Thank you very much!
**[04:08] Plum**
So what'd you think?
**[04:09] Todo**
That was awful!
**[04:13] Shake**
Guess the crowd couldn't take a joke!
**[04:16] Ichi**
Don't blame the audience!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Imoni"
**[04:26] Dayon**
What's the matter? I'm worried
because you seem so down!
**[04:30] Deka**
I want to eat some imoni.
**[04:35] Deka**
Imoni...
**[04:37] Deka**
The taste of my homeland.
**[04:40] Deka**
I haven't had any for so long.
**[04:43] Dayon**
I'll make some for you!
**[04:45] Deka**
It's not the same!
**[04:47] Deka**
Imoni is something you eat
outside together with everyone!
**[04:51] Dayon**
Well, what do you want me to do about that?
**[04:54] Deka**
I want some imoni! I want some now!
**[04:57] Deka**
Imoni, now! I want some imoni!
**[05:01] Deka**
I want some imoni!
**[05:04] Deka**
I want some imoni!
**[05:06] Dayon**
We want all of you to make some imoni!
**[05:09] All**
Huh?
**[05:09] Some**
Imoni?
**[05:12] Dayon**
Dekapan's all sulky, so you gotta help me out.
**[05:16] Dayon**
Hurry! We need some imoni!
**[05:18] All**
Huh?
**[05:20] Choro**
Imoni? The hell is that? Make it yourself.
**[05:23] Chibi**
Stop sulking, old man!
**[05:26] Oso**
Hey, let's go home.
***SIGN*** Prize
**[05:30] Dayon**
We'll pay you!
**[05:32] Dayon**
Apparently, whoever makes the best imoni
will get a prize of one million yen!
**[05:38] All**
One million yen?!
**[05:40] Oso**
Seriously?!
***SIGN*** Prize
**[05:43] Dayon**
And now, let's begin the
Prize Monies Imoni Grand Prix!
***SIGN*** Prize
**[05:53] Oso**
We're definitely going to win!
**[05:55] Oso**
That one million yen is ours!
**[05:57] All**
Yeah!
**[05:59] Kara**
Leave it to me!
**[06:00] Ichi**
So what the hell is imoni?
**[06:02] All**
Huh?
**[06:04] Choro**
No idea. How do you make it?
**[06:06] Ichi**
Imoni?
**[06:07] Kara**
I think I've heard of it before...
**[06:09] Jyushi**
What's imoni?
**[06:10] Todo**
What? No one knows?
**[06:13] Oso**
I mean, the name suggests stewed potatoes,
**[06:15] Oso**
so you probably stew some potatoes.
**[06:16] Kara**
You realize those aren't potatoes, right?
**[06:19] Choro**
What kind of potatoes are you
supposed to use? Regular ol' potatoes?
**[06:22] All**
Dunno.
**[06:23] Choro**
Sweet potatoes?
**[06:24] All**
Dunno.
**[06:25] Todo**
Why don't we look it up?
**[06:26] Ichi**
I'll go take a look at what
other people are making.
**[06:29] Choro**
Thanks.
**[06:30] Todo**
Imoni...
**[06:31] Todo**
Let's see... Oh, there we go.
**[06:34] Todo**
It's a dish from the Tohoku region.
**[06:35] All**
Huh...
**[06:37] Jyushi**
How do you make it?
**[06:38] Kara**
What's in it?
**[06:39] Todo**
Let's see...
**[06:41] Ichi**
Chibita.
**[06:42] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[06:44] Ichi**
Totoko-chan.
**[06:45] Toto**
Hiss!
**[06:46] Ichi**
Hijirisawa and Murakami.
**[06:51] Ichi**
Yeah, that didn't work.
**[06:52] Ichi**
Everyone's hardcore about this
because money's involved.
**[06:55] Ichi**
No one's gonna tell us anything.
**[06:56] Todo**
Hey, I've got it!
***SIGN*** Ingredients (For 6 servings)
Beef (Thinly sliced)
Taro (From Yamagata Prefecture)
Konjac
Burdock root
**[06:58] Todo**
The ingredients include beef and taro.
**[07:01] Choro**
Oh, so it's taro.
**[07:02] Kara**
Okay, otherwise known as village potatoes!
***SIGN*** Taro (From Yamagata Prefecture)
Konjac
Burdock root
Mushrooms
Green onions
Condiments
Soy sauce
Sake
Sugar
**[07:05] Todo**
Other than that, we need konjac,
burdock root, mushrooms,
**[07:08] Todo**
green onions, soy sauce, sake, and sugar.
**[07:11] Oso**
Soy sauce, eh? Got it!
**[07:13] Todo**
Hey, it sorta looks like sukiyaki.
**[07:15] Ichi**
Oh, I think I get it now.
**[07:17] Choro**
All right, let's get cooking.
**[07:19] Todo**
Hang on.
***SIGN*** Miyagi Prefecture Miso Hearty
***SIGN*** Imoni Miso Flavor
**[07:20] Todo**
Apparently there's a miso version.
**[07:22] All**
Huh?
**[07:23] Todo**
For the miso version, we need pork.
I guess the flavor's milder.
**[07:25] Jyushi**
So which one's imoni?
**[07:27] Todo**
They're both imoni.
**[07:28] All**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Imoni Miso Flavor
***SIGN*** Ingredients
(For 6 servings)
Potatoes
Pork
**[07:29] Todo**
But wait, I guess some people use regular
potatoes for this rather than taro.
**[07:34] All**
Huh?
**[07:34] Oso**
I mean, if you mix miso, pork, and potatoes
together, it's basically pork miso soup.
**[07:38] Todo**
No, this is imoni.
**[07:39] Oso**
What's the difference?
**[07:41] Todo**
Uh...
**[07:42] Choro**
Tell us which imoni is the
classic version, Totty.
**[07:44] Todo**
What?
**[07:45] Ichi**
Soy sauce or miso?
**[07:46] Oso**
Taro or regular potatoes?
**[07:48] Choro**
Beef or pork?
**[07:50] Ichi**
Isn't kenchinjiru also imoni, then?
**[07:52] All**
What *is* imoni?
**[07:56] Jyushi**
Hatabou.
**[07:57] Hata**
Jo?
**[07:57] Jysuhi**
Are you all on your own?
Wanna do this together?
**[08:00] Hata**
Jo!
**[08:07] Deka**
Hey, are they done yet?
**[08:10] Dayon**
Just a little longer!
**[08:13] Choro**
Well, which is it?!
**[08:13] Oso**
Man, talk about a pain in the ass.
**[08:20] Oso**
Hey, what are you two up to?
**[08:23] Salmon**
We're about to go check
out K Pro's comedy show.
**[08:27] Oso**
K Pro, eh? You headed to Shinjuku, then?
**[08:31] Salmon**
What's all this about?
**[08:33] Oso**
Hey, perfect timing.
Do you guys know what imoni is?
**[08:36] Plum**
Imoni?
**[08:38] Salmon**
I got it! That's a Korean mom!
**[08:40] Plum**
That's not imoni! That's omoni!
**[08:43] Both**
Thank you very much!
**[08:49] Oso**
Hey, wait a sec!
**[08:51] Oso**
Why'd you bust out a comedy routine?
I asked how to make imoni—
**[08:55] Oso**
Those are caterpillars (imomushi).
**[08:57] Oso**
You can stop with the dumb jokes.
I'm asking about imoni.
**[09:00] Oso**
Those are geckos (yamori)! I said imoni!
**[09:02] Plum**
Oh, I know. It's that thing
you virgins do in private.
**[09:07] Oso**
Hey! What happened to your
compliance function?!
**[09:13] Ichi**
What's imoni?
**[09:14] Choro**
What's imoni?
**[09:15] Ichi**
Does it use soy sauce or miso?
**[09:16] Choro**
Taro or regular potatoes?
**[09:18] Ichi**
Beef or pork?
**[09:19] Both**
Well, Totty? Which one is the proper imoni?
**[09:23] Todo**
I have no idea!
**[09:27] Both**
Aww...
**[09:34] Oso**
Who cares anymore?
**[09:36] Oso**
Does soy sauce or miso even matter?
It's still imoni.
**[09:39] Choro**
Yeah, I guess. Maybe it doesn't matter.
**[09:41] Ichi**
Yeah, whichever.
**[09:43] Hji**
Don't be stupid! You use
soy sauce to make imoni!
**[09:46] Mura**
Miso!
**[09:47] Hiji**
Soy sauce!
**[09:48] Mura**
Miso!
**[09:49] Both**
You stupid country bumpkin!
**[09:51] Choro**
Apparently, it does matter.
**[09:53] Ichi**
Seems like a touchy subject.
**[09:55] Oso**
They're trying to kill each other over it.
**[09:57] Todo**
Let's just ask Dekapan.
That's the quickest option.
**[10:00] All**
Yeah.
**[10:06] Todo**
Hey, Dekapan.
**[10:08] Todo**
Does the imoni you want us to make
use soy sauce or miso?
**[10:13] Deka**
Mi... Miso?
**[10:16] Deka**
I said I want imoni... and you have
the nerve to ask me about miso?
**[10:22] All**
*G-Guess he prefers soy sauce.*
**[10:27] Todo**
Let's split up the duties.
**[10:29] Todo**
First, let's gather the ingredients.
**[10:31] All**
Yeah.
**[10:32] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan,
**[10:34] Todo**
head home and see if we have
beef, veggies, and condiments.
**[10:38] All**
Got it.
**[10:39] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you find us some taro.
**[10:41] Todo**
We probably don't have any at home, so try
to find someone who'll spare us some.
**[10:44] Choro**
Got it.
**[10:45] Todo**
All right, off you go.
**[10:46] All**
Huh?
**[10:47] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:48] All**
Wha?
**[10:49] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:50] Oso**
Uh, Totty? What are you going to do?
**[10:52] Todo**
I'm gonna take a break right here.
**[10:54] Oso**
What?!
**[10:55] Todo**
Get going already.
**[10:57] Todo**
I'll be the brains of this
operation and order you around,
**[10:59] Todo**
then we'll be able to win.
**[11:02] Todo**
Don't stew me!
**[11:04] Choro**
Hey, let's do this properly.
**[11:05] Choro**
Let's make some delicious imoni.
**[11:10] Mom**
Hey!
**[11:13] Both**
Thanks so much!
**[11:15] Rando**
Sorry to keep you waiting.
**[11:17] Deka**
I want some imoni now!
**[11:19] Deka**
I want some imoni!
**[11:21] Dayon**
J-Just wait a little longer.
**[11:23] Dayon**
Everyone's—
**[11:23] Deka**
They're all too slow!
**[11:25] Deka**
I want some imoni! They're too slow!
**[11:27] Deka**
Too slow! Too slow! Want some imoni!
**[11:30] Dayo**
Didn't I just tell you to wait, you bastard?!
**[11:34] Dayon**
Everyone's working hard
to make you some right now!
**[11:37] Dayo**
Why the hell can't you wait patiently?!
You want me to cancel it right now?!
**[11:41] Dayo**
You want some imoni, don't you?!
**[11:45] Dayo**
Then wait. Throw another
tantrum and I'll suck you up.
**[11:51] Jyushi**
Heh, you got in trouble.
**[11:55] Toto**
That one million yen is mine!
**[11:57] Toto**
For my new costume!
**[11:59] Nya**
I need that for diapers and milk!
**[12:02] Toto**
Can you even cook?
**[12:04] Nya**
Of course I can. I ain't a mom for nothin'.
**[12:08] Nya**
Wait, can you cook?
**[12:10] Toto**
Of course I can! I ain't
the heroine for nothin'.
**[12:17] Toto**
You dumbass.
**[12:18] Toto**
I'll show you how it's done.
**[12:26] Both**
Th-They're so cute.
**[12:28] Choro**
I wonder who the young lady next to her is.
**[12:34] Jyushi**
Why?
**[12:35] Hata**
Jo...
**[12:38] Todo**
Hey, wait.
**[12:39] Todo**
Where's Karamatsu-niisan?
**[12:41] Ichi**
Huh? Where the hell did he go?
**[12:48] Kara**
*The name's Karamatsu. I never compromise.*
**[12:50] Kara**
* We're never gonna win if we just use some*
* potatoes we find rolling around, Brothers.*
**[12:56] Kara**
*I will go obtain the ultimate potato.*
**[13:01] Chibi**
It's finished!
**[13:03] Choro**
Crap! Chibita beat us to the punch.
**[13:06] Choro**
Huh? Ch-Chibita, that's...
**[13:11] Chibi**
Well, Dekapan? How do you like it?
***SIGN*** Prize Monies
Imoni Grand Prix
Grand Prize
1 million yen
**[13:13] Deka**
It's delicious.
**[13:14] Dayo**
It's great!
**[13:16] Chibi**
Welp, guess I win, then!
***SIGN*** Prize
**[13:19] Chibi**
It's good, right?
**[13:20] Both**
Yup, yup.
**[13:21] Chibi**
In that case...
**[13:24] Choro**
Chibita.
**[13:25] Choro**
We're supposed to make imoni today.
**[13:28] Chibi**
Isn't oden great?
**[13:29] Choro**
Oden's great, but we're making imoni today.
**[13:33] Chibi**
Have a bite.
**[13:35] Chibi**
Well? Is it good?
**[13:37] Choro**
It's really good!
**[13:38] Chibi**
Then I win, right?
**[13:40] Choro**
I said no, oden for brains!
**[13:42] Chibi**
Huh?!
**[13:43] Choro**
We're making imoni!
**[13:44] Chibi**
I'll make oden!
**[13:46] Choro**
But why?! Imoni!
**[13:47] Chibi**
Oden!
**[13:48] Choro**
Imoni!
**[13:48] Chibi**
Oden!
**[13:49] Choro**
Imoni!
**[13:49] Chibi**
Oden, oden! I'll make oden!
**[13:52] Choro**
The hell's wrong with him? He's creepy.
**[13:55] Toto**
Hey, I have a great idea!
**[13:58] Toto**
I'll just call Uber.
**[13:59] Nya**
What?!
**[14:26] All**
Tato, tato, tato...
**[14:27] All**
Tato, tato, tato...
**[14:33] Iyami**
All done!
**[14:36] Oso**
Iyami? When'd he show up?
**[14:40] Ichi**
The hell's that?
**[14:41] Choro**
That looks awful.
**[14:43] Iya**
Have a taste! It's me's best dish yet!
**[14:47] Iya**
Me went through all the
trouble of making it.
**[15:00] Deka**
It's the best!
**[15:03] Iya**
All of you have a taste!
**[15:08] Jyushi**
Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!
**[15:14] Iya**
Guess me wins.
**[15:16] Todo**
What the heck? None of them can stop eating.
**[15:18] Oso**
It looks totally disgusting.
**[15:24] Oso**
Iyami... What exactly are
you putting in there?
**[15:28] Iya**
Huh? This is just...
**[15:33] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[15:35] Oso**
Wow, he really just did that.
**[15:38] Nya**
All done!
**[15:40] Toto**
Wait, really?
**[15:41] Nya**
French fries.
**[15:42] Toto**
What?
**[15:44] Tatos**
Tato, tato, tato...
**[15:45] Tatos**
Tato, tato, tato...
**[15:47] Kara**
Say, say! Citizens of the Potato
Kingdom, calm yourselves.
**[15:52] Kara**
I can understand why you'd be so excited,
**[15:54] Kara**
with a super hot guy like me showing up.
**[15:56] Kara**
But I have an urgent request!
**[15:59] Kara**
I don't have much time! Hear me out!
***SIGN*** This fool!
***SIGN*** Look at his stupid face!!
***SIGN*** Get out of our village!
***SIGN*** Leave!
**[16:08] Kara**
Ah, what a warm welcome.
**[16:11] Kara**
Thank you!
**[16:12] Kara**
Thank you!
**[16:13] Kara**
Thank you!
**[16:14] Kara**
I love you spuds, too!
**[16:21] Kara**
Potatoes and me...
**[16:24] Kara**
Potatoes and me!
**[16:27] Kara**
Potatoes!
**[16:28] Kara**
Me!
**[16:33] Ichi**
Uh, you okay, Choromatsu?
**[16:36] Choro**
What exactly is imoni?
**[16:38] Choro**
You're supposed to stew potatoes, right?
**[16:40] Choro**
Even though we're humble
potatoes ourselves...
**[16:42] Choro**
Potatoes gon potate. Stewers gon stew...
**[16:44] Ichi**
Osomatsu-niisan! Choromatsu broke!
**[16:50] Ichi**
Todomatsu!
**[16:51] Todo**
And then it totally blew up.
**[16:54] Girl**
What?
**[16:54] Girl**
Oh, my gosh!
**[16:56] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[16:57] Hata**
Jo...
**[17:06] Jyushi**
Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[17:07] Ichi**
Take this seriously, damn it!
**[17:09] Ichi**
I'm the only one working!
**[17:11] Ichi**
Die!
**[17:13] Ichi**
Hey! Come back!
**[17:17] Nya**
This is all your fault!
**[17:19] Toto**
This is all your fault!
**[17:20] Chibi**
Pipin' hot oden!
***SIGN*** Oden
***SIGN*** 1 cup 100 yen
**[17:21] Ichi**
Imoni!
**[17:22] One**
Miso!
**[17:23] Two**
Soy sauce!
**[17:33] Kara**
Potatoes and me!
**[17:35] Tatoes**
Tato, tato!
**[17:37] Kara**
Potatoes and me!
**[17:39] Tatoes**
Tato, tato!
**[17:41] Kara**
Potatoes!
**[17:44] Kara**
And me!
**[17:52] Kara**
Damn, imoni is good.
**[17:54] Kara**
Seconds, please!
**[17:55] Kara**
Whew! Nothing beats getting the real stuff!
**[17:59] Tato**
Tato.
**[18:00] Kara**
Huh? For me?
**[18:02] Kara**
Thanks!
**[18:03] Tato**
Tato, tato.
**[18:04] Kara**
Thank you!
**[18:06] Imota**
Imoni.
**[18:07] Kara**
Thanks!
**[18:13] Kara**
Big success!
**[18:15] Kara**
Heh. This should make Dekapan happy...
**[18:30] Kara**
Could those potatoes be...
**[18:32] Kara**
the ultimate potato I was looking for?!
**[18:35] Elder**
Tato.
**[18:38] Kara**
A-Are you sure, Elder?
***SIGN*** These are our kingdom's legendary potatoes.
***SIGN*** If you eat these,
***SIGN*** you'll be one of us!
**[18:50] Kara**
There's no doubt about it...
We're gonna win!
**[18:59] Deka**
S-Stop!
**[19:03] Deka**
Th-This is no imoni!
**[19:05] Deka**
It's stupid to fight over who
made the best or over money!
**[19:09] All**
What?!
**[19:10] Todo**
You're the one who started this crap!
**[19:12] Oso**
You're only wearing underwear!
**[19:13] Ichi**
I'll kill you!
**[19:14] Chibi**
The hell're you talkin' about?!
**[19:16] Guy**
Who do you think you are?!
**[19:17] Hiji**
Who do you think you are?!
**[19:18] Toto**
Give us a break, old guy.
**[19:19] Nya**
You're just causing trouble!
**[19:23] Dayon**
Sorry about this. Dekapan just
wanted to be reminded of home.
**[19:28] Deka**
Sorry. This was all my fault.
**[19:31] Deka**
I just wanted all of you to
know how fun imoni can be.
**[19:43] Choro**
Let's remake it together, then. All of us.
***SIGN*** Safety First
**[21:02] Dayon**
Here you go.
**[21:03] Deka**
Thanks.
**[21:10] Deka**
It's delicious!
**[21:15] Dayon**
It's yummy!
**[21:18] Some**
Yum!
**[21:19] Some**
This is great!
**[21:22] Deka**
Imoni is great.
**[21:32] Shake**
I hope we can do a show soon.
**[21:34] Ume**
Yeah.
**[22:01] Both**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Totty**
Heya, Totty here!
**[23:36] Totty**
Next week on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "Just Don't."
**[23:39] Totty**
So when I tell you, "just don't," just don't.
**[23:43] Totty**
But if someone else told me, "just don't,"
**[23:46] Totty**
I'd wonder who the hell
they thought they were.
***SIGN*** "Just Don't"
**[23:48] Totty**
Yeah! I love how much I exude humanity!
# E18 - Just Don't
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G9DUEX4ME/just-dont)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Just Don't"
**[02:30] Nyaa**
Is his name Osomatsu-san?
**[02:32] Toto**
Hm? What about Osomatsu-kun?
**[02:35] Nyaa**
He's the youngest of the sextuplets, right?
**[02:38] Toto**
Nope. Todomatsu-kun is the youngest.
Osomatsu's the oldest.
**[02:41] Nyaa**
What? He's the oldest?
**[02:44] Toto**
Huh? Yeah.
**[02:46] Nyaa**
He's the oldest, but he acts
like that? That's hilarious.
**[02:50] Toto**
Up you go!
**[02:51] Nyaa**
I was just thinking he's pretty great.
**[02:56] Toto**
Huh?
**[02:59] toto**
You think Osomatsu-kun is... great?
**[03:02] ---**
Yeah.
**[03:03] toto**
How?
**[03:04] Nyaa**
Well, isn't he?
**[03:05] Toto**
Like, how?!
**[03:06] Nyaa**
You know.
**[03:07] Toto**
No, I don't!
**[03:08] Nyaa**
I run into him every now and then,
**[03:10] Nyaa**
and I've been wanting to
learn more about him.
**[03:12] Toto**
What? He's clearly a piece of shit.
**[03:15] Toto**
He's a forever NEET. He's a stupid,
perverted king of NEETs.
**[03:18] Toto**
What do you like about him?
He's the embodiment of failure.
**[03:21] Nyaa**
I see. So he has some issues.
**[03:24] Toto**
Yes.
**[03:26] Nyaa**
I like him.
**[03:27] Toto**
Why?! What is going on in your head?!
**[03:29] Uggo**
I get it.
**[03:32] Uggo**
There's a point in life when
guys like that seem nice.
**[03:36] Uggo**
Even if you know they're good-for-nothings,
or that they're a bad seed,
**[03:40] Uggo**
you just can't help yourself.
**[03:42] Uggo**
I mean, quiet, earnest
guys are just so boring.
**[03:46] Uggo**
They're not interesting. They lack character.
**[03:48] Uggo**
Do you understand? They're boring.
**[03:51] Uggo**
Failures are better because, you know...
**[03:55] Uggo**
Love isn't logical.
**[03:57] Toto**
Who are you again?
What was that speech about?
**[04:01] Toto**
Anyway, just forget Osomatsu-kun.
**[04:03] Toto**
I'm not kidding.
He's a worthless piece of shit.
**[04:05] Toto**
Really, he's a scumbag and a NEET. Just don't—
**[04:08] Nyaa**
Oh, shut up already.
**[04:09] Nyaa**
I was just sort of interested in him,
**[04:11] Nyaa**
and it's not like I'd know for sure
**[04:13] Nyaa**
if he's a bad guy or not
unless I actually dated him.
**[04:15] Toto**
You totally can tell with him. Nope.
**[04:17] Nyaa**
He's nice.
**[04:18] Toto**
Nope.
**[04:19] Nyaa**
He's nice!
**[04:19] Toto**
No, really, don't. No, really, don't!
**[04:24] Nyaa**
I'm allowed to fall in love
with whoever I choose.
**[04:27] Toto**
Uh, love?! Wait, wait, wait. You didn't
say anything about love earlier!
**[04:31] Toto**
Seriously, where is this coming from?
I don't understand!
**[04:33] Uggo**
I get it.
**[04:36] Uggo**
The more the people around you reject him,
the more interested you are.
**[04:40] Uggo**
The more the people around you reject him,
the more you want to defend him.
**[04:45] Uggo**
It actually excites you.
**[04:48] Uggo**
It's not logical.
**[04:50] Toto**
Who *are* you?
**[04:50] Toto**
Stop agreeing with her.
Talk her out of this.
**[04:52] Nyaa**
Oh, I know. The next time I see him,
I'll ask him for his contact info.
**[04:58] Toto**
* Shit. I don't usually like butting into*
* other people's love interests...*
**[05:02] Toto**
* But this is a special case,*
* considering who we're dealing with!*
**[05:06] Toto**
*This is an emergency!*
**[05:09] Toto**
*Please! Reach them in time!*
**[05:15] All**
What's up?
**[05:16] Jyushi**
I have no idea.
**[05:18] Jyushi**
Hey, it's an arrow with
a letter from Totoko-chan.
**[05:20] Kara**
An arrow with a letter from Totoko-chan?
**[05:22] Ichi**
Seriously?
**[05:23] Ichi**
I-If this is true...
**[05:25] Todo**
This is bad! We can't just sit here!
**[05:28] Kara**
My brothers, we need to save
this poor girl's future!
**[05:31] All**
Yeah!
**[05:39] Todo**
We're coming in!
**[05:40] Jyushi**
We're coming in!
**[05:41] Nyaa**
What? Where'd you all come from?
**[05:47] Kara**
It's a pleasure to meet you,
Hashimoto Nyaa-san.
**[05:49] Kara**
I'm the second oldest of the
Matsuno brothers, Karamatsu.
**[05:52] Ichi**
I'm the fourth son, Ichimatsu.
**[05:54] Jyushi**
I'm the fifth son, Jyushimatsu.
**[05:57] Todo**
And I'm the youngest, Totty.
**[05:59] Nyaa**
I-I see...
**[06:00] Nyaa**
Can I help you?
**[06:02] Kara**
I'll get straight to the point.
**[06:04] Kara**
When it comes to our oldest
brother... Ready, and...
**[06:07] All**
Just don't.
**[06:08] Nyaa**
Huh?
**[06:09] Todo**
No, really. He's bad news.
**[06:10] Jyushi**
He's really a piece of shit.
**[06:11] Todo**
You'll regret everything.
He'll make you unhappy.
**[06:13] Kara**
Because he's...
**[06:14] All**
A piece of shit!
**[06:15] All**
Trash!
**[06:18] Nyaa**
Um, I honestly can't imagine
him being that bad.
**[06:22] All**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[06:23] Nyaa**
I mean, everyone has one
good thing about them.
**[06:26] All**
Nope, nope, nope.
**[06:27] Ichi**
But he doesn't. Strange, right?
**[06:29] Nyaa**
Does someone like that actually exist?
**[06:31] Todo**
Yes! Weird, right?!
**[06:32] Jyushi**
These are all the terrible
things he's done in the past.
**[06:36] Nyaa**
What? He's done this much?
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
"All the terrible things he's done"
**[06:38] Nyaa**
This is vile.
**[06:39] Jyushi**
Huh? Why, yes, he is vile.
That's what we've been saying.
**[06:45] Kara**
And now, representing his countless victims,
**[06:48] Kara**
we will be talking to
I-matsu-san and T-matsu-san.
**[06:51] Kara**
Thank you for coming today.
**[06:52] Both**
Thank you.
***SIGN*** Victims of Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Victim: I-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
What kind of man is Matsuno Osomatsu?
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He's a piece of shit. He's insane.
He's not human.
***SIGN*** Victim:
T-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
Can any woman find happiness in dating him?
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Ahahaha.
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Happiness? With that trash?
***SIGN*** T-matsu
Happiness???
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
It seems he has his doubts.
***SIGN*** Victim: I-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He doesn't have any tact.
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He'll grab someone's
heart with his filthy paws,
***SIGN*** I-matsu
then stir them all up, knock
them over, and die of laughter.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
How awful.
***SIGN*** Victim:
T-matsu-san (alias)
***SIGN*** T-matsu
He has no manners. He seriously
believes the world revolves around him.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
That devil!
***SIGN*** I-matsu
He's a walking dick.
He's a virgin manwhore.
***SIGN*** T-matsu
He's mentally 8! A 2nd grader!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
Holy crap!
***SIGN*** I-matsu
Once in a while, we hear idiots say,
"That's what makes him great"...
***SIGN*** I-matsu and T-matsu
...but as his family...
**[07:37] Kara**
You have my sympathy!
**[07:40] Jyushi**
Now, then...
**[07:41] Jyushi**
Let's ask some AIs for their evaluation.
**[07:44] Jyushi**
What's the expected value of becoming
happy with Matsuno Osomatsu?
**[07:46] Both**
We will now determine the expected value.
***SIGN*** Smelly
***SIGN*** Brat
***SIGN*** Floppy
***SIGN*** Stupid
***SIGN*** Error Danger Bug Discovered NEET Danger Unknown Piece of Shit
**[07:54] Jyushi**
This is all you need to know.
**[07:56] Chibi**
Missy, you should lay off of him.
**[07:59] Chibi**
I've been his friend since we were kids,
so I know what I'm talking about, you idjit.
**[08:02] Chibi**
Right, Hatabou?
**[08:03] Hata**
He's insane, jo! Stay away from him!
**[08:07] Chibi**
Hatabou can vouch for this, too,
and he never talks like this.
**[08:12] Mom**
Hashimoto Nyaa-san, don't do anything rash!
**[08:15] Dad**
Are you willing to let
your life go to waste?
**[08:17] Dad**
He's way more of a handful than a baby!
***SIGN*** We are against this!
**[08:20] Mom**
Just don't!
**[08:21] Dad**
Just don't!
**[08:22] Both**
Rethink your decision!
**[08:34] Kara**
Ch-Choromatsu!
**[08:36] Todo**
Nii-san...
**[08:39] Todo**
He's the one who's been
hit hardest by this news.
**[08:42] Todo**
His beloved idol used to be
married and has a child,
**[08:45] Todo**
and now, the one she fell in love with
happens to be our oldest brother.
**[08:52] Ichi**
I'm surprised you made it here alive.
**[08:54] Jyushi**
There's no way he can watch someone
he loves so much fall into misery.
**[08:58] Kara**
That's our superhero!
**[09:00] All**
You've got this!
**[09:03] Choro**
N-Nyaa-chan... You're free
to love whoever you want,
**[09:08] Choro**
but you're making a big mistake.
**[09:12] Choro**
So please, listen to our advice—
**[09:14] Nyaa**
Hey.
**[09:16] Nyaa**
Who do you think you are,
calling me "Nyaa-chan"?
**[09:20] Nyaa**
We're not friends. I don't even know you.
**[09:23] Choro**
Y-Y-Y-You don't know me?!
**[09:28] Choro**
S-So you never even acknowledged me...
**[09:33] All**
Choromatsu!
**[09:40] Nyaa**
Could you just leave now?
**[09:42] Nyaa**
I chose him. I love him.
**[09:45] Nyaa**
Just leave me alone!
**[09:46] Toto**
*Sh-Shit!*
**[09:47] Kara**
*We really need to figure something out!*
***SIGN*** Nyaa
Reverse Cupid Plan
**[10:16] Choro**
*Hello, it's me, Choromatsu.*
***SIGN*** Varanasi, India
**[10:19] Choro**
*I'm currently in Varanasi.*
**[10:22] Choro**
* My plan is to ride buses*
* until I get to London.*
**[10:27] Choro**
* I'm on this journey to forget that*
* inconceivable memory of someone*
**[10:31] Choro**
* saying that piece of shit*
* is more popular than me.*
***SIGN*** Dramatic Travelogue Choro Express
***SIGN*** ~A Journey to Reset~
**[10:42] Choro**
*Ah... Slowly, I'm feeling at peace.*
**[10:46] Choro**
*Being overseas is great.*
**[10:48] Choro**
* I think this will help me forget*
* those ominous memories.*
**[11:12] Deka**
Did you hear this?
**[11:14] Dayon**
What?
**[11:16] Deka**
I heard that the oldest Matsuno
boy is an absolute ********.
**[11:20] Dayon**
Eek! What a good-for-nothing!
**[11:26] Iyami**
Hey, miss.
**[11:28] Iyami**
What about me?
Me is basically just like him.
**[11:34] Iyami**
Sheeeh?
**[11:37] Nyaa**
Nope.
**[11:38] Iyami**
Sheeeh?!
***SIGN*** Izakaya
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Izakaya
**[11:55] Kara**
*Guys, let's do this according to plan.*
**[11:57] All**
*Yeah!*
**[11:59] Kara**
*She just doesn't know the real Osomatsu yet.*
**[12:02] Kara**
* Because of that,*
* we're going to let her meet him,*
**[12:04] Kara**
* have her face reality,*
* and bring her back to her senses.*
**[12:06] Todo**
* To do that, we need to make that*
* idiot drink as much alcohol as possible.*
**[12:10] Todo**
*He'll definitely do something if he's drunk.*
**[12:11] Todo**
*Got it?*
**[12:12] All**
*Yeah.*
**[12:13] Ichi**
* So we're letting him dig*
* his own grave. Nice plan.*
**[12:16] Jyushi**
*Who came up with it?*
**[12:18] All**
*Well done, Totty.*
**[12:20] Kara**
* Now she'll be saved. Actually, the*
* world will be one step closer to peace.*
**[12:25] Kara**
* This is an excellent*
* contribution to society.*
**[12:27] Kara**
* Put your all into this for the*
* sake of world peace, you guys!*
**[12:30] All**
*Yeah!*
**[12:31] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:32] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:33] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:34] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:35] Kara**
*When it comes to Osomatsu...*
**[12:36] All**
*Just don't!*
**[12:37] Kara**
*All right!*
**[12:39] Toto**
*He should be showing up any minute.*
**[12:41] All**
*Yeah.*
**[12:59] Kara**
He's still not here! The hell is he doing?!
**[13:01] Ichi**
We planned to meet at six, right?!
**[13:03] Jyushi**
We did! And Osomatsu-niisan is the
one who said that time worked best!
**[13:07] Toto**
What's going on? The hell's going on?!
**[13:22] Nyaa**
He promised to meet us here,
and even picked the time...
**[13:27] Nya**
And he's late. I love it.
**[13:32] Jyushi**
He's finally here!
**[13:33] Todo**
You're late!
**[13:34] Toto**
Come on!
**[13:35] Oso**
Sorry, my bad.
**[13:37] Kara**
Where the hell were you?!
**[13:39] Oso**
Huh? Playing pachinko.
**[13:40] All**
What?!
**[13:41] Oso**
I was on a surprising roll today.
**[13:43] Jyushi**
We promised to meet up at six!
**[13:45] Ichi**
What's wrong with you?!
**[13:46] Toto**
You jackass!
**[13:49] Nyaa**
He chose pachinko over
his plans with others...
**[13:52] Nyaa**
I love it.
**[13:54] Kara**
Your bedhead is out of control.
I told you we'd be meeting with a lady today!
**[13:58] Oso**
Huh?
**[13:59] Nyaa**
I love it.
**[14:00] All**
Huh?
**[14:01] Jyushi**
Hey! We haven't toasted yet.
**[14:03] Nyaa**
He's great.
**[14:06] Nyaa**
He's great.
**[14:08] All**
Hey!
**[14:11] Oso**
Totoko-chwan!
**[14:18] Oso**
Huh?
**[14:21] Oso**
By the way...
**[14:23] Oso**
Who are you?
**[14:23] All**
Huh?!
**[14:24] Nyaa**
Oh my gosh! And he
doesn't even remember me!
**[14:28] Toto**
Yeah, there's no saving her.
**[14:28] Nyaa**
I love him!
**[14:30] All**
Yeah.
**[14:35] Choro**
*Hello. It's me, Choromatsu.*
**[14:38] Choro**
*I'm currently in Egypt.*
**[14:40] Choro**
* I heard that pieces of shit were more*
* popular, so I tried being one, and...*
**[14:46] Choro**
*I was arrested. I'm scared.*
**[14:49] Choro**
* I didn't want to be held prisoner by*
* anything anymore, so I left Japan,*
**[14:53] Choro**
* and now I'm literally a prisoner.*
* Life's pretty funny, isn't it?*
**[14:58] Choro**
*But some good things came out of this.*
**[15:02] Choro**
*I don't have time to think*
**[15:04] Choro**
* about anything other than eating,*
* going to the bathroom, and sleeping,*
**[15:09] Choro**
* so I don't let the little*
* things get me down.*
**[15:12] Choro**
*There's no envy, no self-loathing, and no hope.*
**[15:15] Choro**
* And because there's no hope, I'm in a lovely*
* state where there's also no despair.*
**[15:20] Choro**
*I don't know how much happier I am*
**[15:22] Choro**
* being a prisoner physically*
* versus being one mentally,*
**[15:25] Choro**
* but the fact that I'm thinking this way*
* might be a sign that I'm still a prisoner.*
**[15:31] Choro**
*I shouldn't feel trapped, but I do,*
**[15:33] Choro**
* but I also feel trapped by the fact that*
* I don't feel trapped over feeling trapped.*
**[15:37] Choro**
*What the hell am I even saying?*
**[15:38] Choro**
*I feel like I might go insane.*
**[15:41] Choro**
* Anyway, I'm going to try to live life*
* without being held prisoner by anyone.*
***SIGN*** Izakaya
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Izakaya
**[15:54] Oso**
I see. You're the girl from back then.
**[15:56] Nyaa**
Yes. You were a lifesaver!
**[15:59] Oso**
Hey, no problem.
**[16:02] Ichi**
He's getting pretty drunk.
**[16:04] Jyushi**
Yeah.
**[16:05] Oso**
Hey, you've been acting
kinda bashful around me.
**[16:08] Oso**
Could it be...
**[16:09] Oso**
that you like me?
**[16:10] Nyaa**
Huh?
**[16:13] Oso**
Just kidding!
**[16:15] Ichi**
*He's gonna do something.*
**[16:16] Todo**
*Do it!*
**[16:17] Jyushi**
*Freak her out!*
**[16:17] Oso**
Uh? Hello? Do you like me?
**[16:18] Kara**
*Make her hate you!*
**[16:20] Oso**
You wanna go out with me, then?
Wanna go on a date?
**[16:25] Nya**
Yes.
**[16:27] Five**
Huh?
**[16:28] Nyaa**
I would... like to date you.
**[16:32] Nyaa**
Please.
**[16:59] Jyushi**
What's going on?
**[17:00] Jyushi**
He's actually going out on a
date with someone that cute!
**[17:03] Kara**
This world is messed up. It's insane.
**[17:06] Ichi**
Everything we've been taught
up until now has been a lie.
**[17:10] Ichi**
You'll always get punished
if you do something wrong?
**[17:13] Todo**
Nah. I mean, obviously you win
out if you're a piece of shit.
**[17:16] Jyushi**
But God is watching!
**[17:17] Kara**
The hell he is! Did he doze off?!
**[17:20] Todo**
So did anyone find Choromatsu-niisan?
**[17:23] Ichi**
He's still missing.
**[17:25] Ichi**
That poor bastard.
**[17:26] Ichi**
Hopefully he's alive somewhere.
**[17:28] All**
Yeah.
**[17:29] Jyushi**
Should we file a missing person's report?
**[17:30] Todo**
Nah, we don't need to go that far.
**[17:33] Kara**
And what are we gonna do about that?
**[17:35] Kara**
He hasn't come out at all.
**[17:39] Kara**
Hey, Osomatsu.
**[17:40] Jyushi**
Osomatsu-niisan! Come out!
**[17:42] Kara**
The hell are you doing? Actually,
how did you even get under there?
**[17:45] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, drag him out.
**[17:47] Jyushi**
Aye!
**[17:51] Jyushi**
I can't. He's super strong.
**[17:53] Jyushi**
I feel an unbreakable will
as strong as a demon's.
**[17:55] Todo**
What?
**[17:56] Ichi**
Hey, jackass. You've got a
date tomorrow afternoon.
**[17:59] Ichi**
Remember to go, and don't be late.
**[18:03] Kara**
Huh? He's saying something.
**[18:05] ---**
What?
**[18:07] Jyushi**
That was so quiet. What'd you say?
**[18:10] Jyushi**
He said, "I don't know."
**[18:12] Kara**
What doesn't he know?
**[18:14] Jyushi**
He doesn't know what he doesn't know.
**[18:16] All**
Huh?
**[18:19] Jyushi**
He doesn't know anything.
**[18:21] Jyushi**
"I don't know."
**[18:22] Oso**
I don't know. I don't know.
**[18:24] Jyushi**
"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know."
**[18:28] Kara**
Wait, what? What's going on?
**[18:31] Totty**
Ooh, Totty's figured it out!
**[18:34] Totty**
So basically...
**[18:36] Totty**
You ass!
**[18:37] Totty**
You're scared, aren't you?!
**[18:39] Kara**
Seriously?! That's so lame!
**[18:40] Jyushi**
So lame!
**[18:41] Ichi**
So lame!
**[18:42] Kara**
You said you'd go, so go!
**[18:45] Todo**
Where'd your cockiness go?!
**[18:47] Ichi**
Are you all talk?!
**[18:52] Todo**
The hell?
**[18:55] Jyushi**
"Someone wear this."
**[18:57] Jyushi**
"Make yourself look like me."
**[19:00] Jyushi**
"And go on this date in my place"?!
**[19:03] All**
You're awful, you know that?!
**[19:06] Jyushi**
Don't run! No hiding!
**[19:07] Todo**
That's just super rude to Nyaa-chan!
**[19:09] Ichi**
At least have the balls to
turn her down yourself!
**[19:12] Jyushi**
Come down here, you jerk!
**[19:13] Todo**
This is who you are?
You're such a disappointment!
**[19:15] Ichi**
Oldest brother, my ass!
**[19:17] Kara**
Hold it.
**[19:18] Kara**
That's enough.
**[19:20] Kara**
I can understand how
Osomatsu must be feeling.
**[19:23] Todo**
K-Karamatsu-niisan...
**[19:27] Kara**
Have no fear, Osomatsu.
**[19:29] Kara**
I'll go on this date for you.
**[19:31] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:32] Todo**
No!
**[19:33] Kara**
Huh?
**[19:34] Todo**
She'll figure it out immediately,
plus it's honestly really rude.
**[19:39] Todo**
I'll go on this date.
**[19:40] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:41] Jyushi**
I'll go.
**[19:42] All**
Wait, wait, wait.
**[19:44] Ichi**
Okay, I'll go.
**[19:47] Kara**
I wanna go on a date, too!
**[19:48] Todo**
I wanna go on a date!
**[19:49] Jyushi**
I want someone to love me!
**[19:50] Ichi**
I want to be popular!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[21:40] Nyaa**
I'm sorry!
**[21:42] Nyaa**
I-I'm so sorry!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:44] Oso**
Sorry to keep you waiting,
all you dog lovers out there!
**[23:47] Oso**
The next episode of *Mr. Osomatsu* is "Dogs!"
***SIGN*** "Dogs" etc.
**[23:50] Oso**
To all you crayfish lovers out there,
you'll have to wait a little longer!
# E19 - Dogs
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GX9UQD2W3/dogs)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Are They Disbanding?"
**[00:08] ume**
No one's laughing at our jokes.
**[00:09] shake**
Yeah.
**[00:11] ume**
Comedy is so hard. We haven't been
able to create the right algorithm.
**[00:14] Ume**
What does "You're so funny that
no one's laughing" even mean?
***SIGN*** Comedy Theory: Unknown
**[00:17] Ume**
Then there's the opposite, "You're so
not funny, it's hilarious." The hell?
**[00:21] Ume**
What does it all mean?!
What's the right answer?!
**[00:26] Shake**
Yeah.
**[00:27] Ume**
Crap. We're never going to win
the competition like this.
**[00:30] Ume**
The prelims for the A-1 Grand Prix
are going to start soon.
**[00:34] Ume**
Gosh, I'd love to make it to the finals.
I'd love to win even more.
**[00:38] Shake**
Yeah.
**[00:39] Ume**
No, no. I need to stop daydreaming
and think about our show tomorrow.
**[00:44] Ume**
What routine should we use?
**[00:46] Ume**
We need to be popular at our
shows to win at the A-1, too.
***SIGN*** A-1 Semifinal
**[00:50] Ume**
The semifinal round is a
live performance, after all.
**[00:54] Ume**
If we manage to capture the crowd,
they'll laugh and clap.
**[00:57] Ume**
If the crowd loves us, the judges
will have to let us through.
**[01:01] Ume**
But if we get through that
and make it to the finals,
**[01:05] Ume**
we'll be on TV next. That's the hard part.
**[01:09] Ume**
I mean, we made our routine
for a live audience, not TV.
**[01:13] Ume**
If we do a routine for a live audience,
**[01:15] Ume**
we might make it through the prelims.
**[01:17] Ume**
But the finals are going to be on live TV,
**[01:20] Ume**
so things might be too different,
and people might not find us funny.
**[01:23] Ume**
How do we figure out that balance?
***SIGN*** A-1 Grand Prix Routine 3-5
***SIGN*** Pickled Plum: Hello, I'm Pickled Plum. Salmon: Hello, I'm Salmon. And together, we're the Riceballs. Pickled Plum: (Fill in with recent joke) Salmon: (Reply with something that's older) Pickled Plum: That's old! That's got nothing to do with this! Salmon: (Ask the crowd) -> (But what if we're in a studio?) Pickled Plum: Don't ask people for help! Don't trouble our audience like that! Salmon: (Suddenly change the subject) *Make sure to grab the audience to make them think we're funnier -> (That'll make the judges think better of us)
***SIGN*** Lines are too long and we go over our time -> If we're in studio, they'll just edit us
***SIGN*** Pickled Plum: Wow, you suddenly changed the subject. And? Salmon: Well, I was just thinking rating others is hard. An idol asked me to rate her, but she's not cute at all. She keeps coming back wearing these costumes, but they're all like fish. Not to mention, they're all really creepy. Where did she even get those? Why would you even decide to be a sea urchin or a nautilus? Just explaining the situation isn't funny Pickled Plum: Wait, what are you even talking about? This might be funny live *Try doing over the top gestures here (Algorithm pattern MI5)
**[01:25] Ume**
What is the right balance?
**[01:27] Ume**
This is too complicated for an AI!
I want humans to think we're funny!
**[01:31] Ume**
I want them to laugh!
**[01:36] Ume**
Salmon, are you listening?
**[01:38] Shake**
Huh?
**[01:39] Ume**
Why are you playing games?
I'm trying to think up routines here.
**[01:43] Shake**
Sorry.
**[01:46] Ume**
You need to take this more seriously.
Otherwise, we'll never make it to the finals.
**[01:50] Ume**
Are you even trying?
**[01:52] Shake**
Yeah.
**[01:53] Ume**
Are you putting in any effort?
**[01:54] Shake**
Yeah.
**[01:55] Ume**
What are you even doing? Have you been
going out drinking with our seniors,
**[01:59] Ume**
thinking up jokes,
and doing stuff for comedy?
**[02:01] Shake**
Don't pressure me like this.
**[02:02] Ume**
Are you thinking up funny situations?
Watching other comedians?
**[02:05] Shake**
I said don't pressure me!
**[02:06] Shake**
I know you're nervous with
the competition coming up,
**[02:09] Shake**
but don't put pressure on me
to relieve your own stress!
**[02:11] Ume**
You haven't even memorized our routines.
**[02:14] Ume**
Why do you keep messing them up?
**[02:15] Ume**
You get the pauses and the nuances wrong, too.
**[02:18] Ume**
You're not even writing the routines,
so at least memorize them.
**[02:21] Shake**
You're able to memorize them
quickly because you're writing them!
**[02:24] Ume**
Huh?
**[02:25] Shake**
I'm grateful that you're writing our routines.
***SIGN*** Lines are too long and we go over our time -> If we're in studio, they'll just edit us
***SIGN*** Pickled Plum: Wow, you suddenly changed the subject. And? Salmon: Well, I was just thinking rating others is hard. An idol asked me to rate her, but she's not cute at all. She keeps coming back wearing these costumes, but they're all like fish. Not to mention, they're all really creepy. Where did she even get those? Why would you even decide to be a sea urchin or a nautilus? Just explaining the situation isn't funny Pickled Plum: Wait, what are you even talking about? This might be funny live *Try doing over the top gestures here (Algorithm pattern MI5)
**[02:27] Shake**
But it's harder being the one
who doesn't write them.
**[02:30] Shake**
Must be nice, having it in your head
already because you wrote it.
**[02:34] Shake**
Also, you give me the scripts way too late.
**[02:37] Shake**
I can't memorize a new
routine the day before!
**[02:40] Ume**
Maybe if you were human!
**[02:42] ume**
AIs should be able to memorize them quickly!
**[02:45] shake**
Maybe if we were actually decent AIs!
**[02:48] shake**
We can't! Look how messed up we are!
**[02:51] ume**
I'm always the one who makes you funny.
**[02:54] Shake**
Wow! If you say that to your partner,
we're finished!
**[02:57] Shake**
I'm the one who always makes you funny!
**[03:00] Ume**
You just said it yourself!
**[03:01] Ume**
You need to work harder!
**[03:02] Shake**
I am working hard!
**[03:03] Ume**
You need to think about me more!
**[03:04] Shake**
And you need to think about me!
**[03:09] Both**
Hmph!
**[03:13] Ume**
We might be at our limit.
**[03:16] Ume**
Maybe... we should think about disbanding.
**[03:23] Oso**
Yeah, it must be rough to
keep up a comedy duo.
**[03:27] Shake**
So, Osomatsu-kun, could you
talk to Pickled Plum for me?
**[03:31] Oso**
Nah, too much work.
**[03:33] Shake**
Please!
**[03:34] Oso**
Uh...
**[03:36] Choro**
That sounds rough.
**[03:37] Choro**
But why not wait a bit
longer before you disband?
**[03:41] Choro**
Don't worry. I'll try talking to Salmon.
**[03:46] Ume**
Thank you, Choromatsu-kun.
**[03:46] Shake**
Please, Osomatsu-kun.
**[03:51] Oso**
Nah, nah, nah.
**[03:52] Choro**
Nah, nah, nah.
**[03:53] Oso**
Salmon's doing his best.
**[03:55] Choro**
So is Pickled Plum.
**[03:56] Oso**
Pickled Plum is way too logical.
He thinks way too much.
**[04:00] Oso**
Why not forget all the minor
details and just have fun?
**[04:05] Choro**
That's exactly what an amateur would think.
**[04:07] Choro**
Sure, that sounds nice,
and it might be correct,
**[04:10] Choro**
but being that half-assed isn't
going to get them anywhere.
**[04:13] Choro**
They need to think all of this through.
**[04:15] Oso**
Even so, Salmon's doing his best here.
**[04:18] Oso**
You need to at least acknowledge that,
or he won't be able to stay motivated.
**[04:22] Choro**
I know he's trying, but it's not enough.
That's why we're discussing this.
**[04:25] Choro**
I think I'm the one who really
wants these two to succeed here.
**[04:29] Oso**
You're way too serious.
**[04:30] Choro**
And you're way too half-assed.
**[04:32] Oso**
Being the funny one is difficult.
Must be nice being you.
**[04:35] Oso**
People think you're actually the proper one.
**[04:38] Oso**
Like you have it all together.
People naturally think highly of you.
**[04:41] Choro**
It's harder doing the retorts.
**[04:43] Choro**
Must be nice being you.
**[04:44] Choro**
People think you're funny if you
just make up crap on the spot.
**[04:47] Choro**
People don't care if you
mess up? That's awesome!
**[04:49] Choro**
I have to manage by existing in your shadow!
**[04:51] Oso**
Why don't you take my place, then?
**[04:53] Oso**
See how it feels when people
call you stupid, shit,
**[04:56] Oso**
or the devil even though you're funny!
**[04:57] Oso**
I'm human, too, so that shit hurts!
**[04:59] Choro**
Well, take my place, then!
**[05:01] Choro**
Just try doing my job!
**[05:03] Choro**
I mean, I'm always doing all the shit you
should be doing as the oldest brother!
**[05:07] Choro**
Because no one in this
house would ever even try!
**[05:11] Oso**
I've got it harder than you!
**[05:13] Choro**
No, I've got it harder!
**[05:14] Oso**
I'm the one who makes you funny!
**[05:16] Choro**
No, I'm the one who makes *you* funny!
**[05:19] Oso**
What'd you say?!
**[05:20] Choro**
What?!
**[05:21] Oso**
Your face is dumb!
**[05:22] Choro**
No, your face is dumb!
**[05:23] Oso**
Your voice is dumb!
**[05:24] Choro**
No, your voice is dumb!
**[05:25] Oso**
Your dick is small, too!
**[05:27] Choro**
Yours is smaller!
**[05:28] Both**
Mine's bigger, you jackass!
**[05:30] Both**
What?!
**[05:37] Ume**
Thanks for everything.
**[05:38] Shake**
No, thank you.
**[05:41] Ume**
I'm sorry I said something so mean.
**[05:42] Shake**
It's okay.
**[05:44] Ume**
I want you to be my partner, Salmon.
**[05:46] Shake**
And I want you to be my partner, Pickled Plum.
**[05:49] Shake**
Let's keep doing our best together.
**[05:51] Ume**
Yeah.
**[05:53] Oso**
Whip out your tiny dick!
**[05:56] Choro**
Shut up! Die!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Sumo Stable"
***SIGN*** Matsu Stable
**[07:32] Mura**
Hey, guys.
**[07:34] Mura**
This is the new apprentice, Todomatsu-kun.
**[07:37] Mura**
He'll be joining our stable as of today.
**[07:39] Mura**
Say hello.
**[07:41] Todo**
I-I'm the new apprentice, Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[07:43] Todo**
It's nice to meet all of you.
**[07:45] Mura**
Now I'll introduce your senior apprentices.
***SIGN*** Osonohana
**[07:48] Mura**
Osonohana.
**[07:49] Oso**
Heya!
***SIGN*** Karashouryuu
**[07:51] Mura**
Karashouryuu.
**[07:53] Kara**
Ulaanbaatar!
***SIGN*** Choronofuji
**[07:55] Mura**
Choronofuji.
**[07:56] Choro**
I'm out of energy!
***SIGN*** Nekodamashi
**[07:58] Mura**
Nekodamashi.
**[08:00] Ichi**
Mrow.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[08:02] Mura**
Jyushimatsu.
**[08:03] Jyushi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:05] Todo**
Whoa, they're all so huge!
**[08:08] Todo**
They look so strong!
**[08:09] Mura**
None of them have won a single match yet.
**[08:11] Todo**
What?!
**[08:12] Mura**
I'm leaving the rest to you guys.
**[08:14] All**
Got it!
**[08:17] Oso**
Nice to meet you.
**[08:18] Oso**
It's gonna be difficult at first, but eat
lots, train lots, and get stronger!
**[08:23] Todo**
Right.
**[08:24] Kara**
If there's something you don't
understand, just $@#$*@**#%*I($*$@*.
**[08:27] Todo**
Sorry, I didn't quite catch—
**[08:30] Choro**
(@##*)$#@*#.
**[08:32] Ichi**
(@)$@**$*#.
**[08:34] Jyushi**
$$#)**%*.
**[08:37] All**
(@#*$)@%$$(%@#($##**$%.
**[08:43] Kara**
Well? Did you catch all that?
**[08:45] Todo**
Yup, sure did! I'll do my best!
**[08:51] Oso**
Get out here now!
**[08:53] Todo**
Peek.
**[09:00] Oso**
Get out here.
**[09:01] Todo**
It's too embarrassing!
I don't look good in this thing!
**[09:06] Oso**
Hurry up!
**[09:07] Todo**
Don't stare too hard, okay?
**[09:13] Todo**
Stop staring! It's so embarrassing! Jeez!
**[09:16] Todo**
Oh, my gosh!
**[09:29] Todo**
H-Hey, wait. Slowly, okay? Slowly.
**[09:33] Todo**
Ow, ow, ow, owie! Jeez,
you dummy! You jerk! I said slowly!
**[09:39] Todo**
Owie! Stop!
**[09:42] Todo**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, owie!
**[09:43] Ichi**
I haven't pushed yet.
**[09:44] Todo**
Owie!
**[09:45] Ichi**
I'm not pushing!
**[09:46] Todo**
I said owie!
**[09:47] Todo**
Gosh! Ugh!
**[09:52] Todo**
I'll just do it myself!
**[09:59] Todo**
There, all done!
**[10:02] Kara**
Now to practice your charging.
**[10:03] Kara**
Come at me!
**[10:05] Todo**
Good work, guys.
**[10:07] Kara**
Hold it!
**[10:16] Todo**
I'm scared! I can't do it!
**[10:20] Todo**
Here I go!
**[10:21] Kara**
Come on!
**[10:25] Kara**
Harder!
**[10:27] Todo**
Right, harder.
**[10:28] Todo**
Here I go!
**[10:36] Todo**
Good work, guys!
**[10:37] Kara**
Hold it!
**[10:49] ---**
Hey!
**[10:56] Jyushimatsu**
Don't turn into a kamaboko!
**[10:58] Todo**
Huh? Kamaboko?
**[11:00] Choro**
That's what we call jerks
**[11:02] Choro**
who don't do anything
during training other than
**[11:05] Choro**
rest their backs against the wall.
**[11:07] Todo**
Huh... A kamaboko... That's so cute!
**[11:10] Both**
What?!
**[11:18] Choro**
That's not right at all.
**[11:21] Choro**
This is how you do it!
**[11:23] Todo**
Got it!
**[11:28] Choro**
Put your back into it!
**[11:30] Todo**
Got it!
**[11:50] Five**
*He's too weak...*
***SIGN*** Matsu Stable
**[11:53] Oso**
Are you even trying?
**[11:55] Oso**
Do you really want to
become a sumo wrestler?
**[11:58] Todo**
Yes, I want to be a sumo wrestler.
**[12:01] Todo**
I mean, sumo wrestlers are just so cool.
**[12:04] Todo**
They're big and strong...
I want to be like that, too.
**[12:09] Kara**
I see. I guess he does really want this.
**[12:13] Choro**
I suppose we can look after him a bit longer.
**[12:16] Todo**
Choronofuji!
**[12:17] Oso**
Oh, fine.
**[12:19] Todo**
Osonohana!
**[12:20] Kara**
You've got this!
**[12:21] Jyushi**
Don't give up!
**[12:22] Todo**
Karashouryuu! Jyushimatsu!
**[12:24] Ichi**
Right. Let's start training, then.
**[12:31] Ichi**
Don't hate us.
**[12:32] Kara**
Give it all you've got.
**[12:33] Todo**
Right!
**[12:34] Oso**
Okay, let's start our training back up!
***SIGN*** Matsu Stable
**[12:37] Todo**
Thank you!
**[12:48] Oso**
Eat lots.
**[12:49] Oso**
We're gonna get even bigger! Let's eat!
**[12:52] All**
Let's eat!
***SIGN*** Pleasant
Granola
Yum!
**[12:58] Todo**
Thanks for the food.
**[12:59] Five**
Hey!
**[13:00] Kara**
Eat the chanko stew, you dummy!
**[13:02] Choro**
You won't get bigger if you don't!
**[13:04] Both**
Eat it! Eat it!
**[13:06] Todo**
Nah, I'm good. I'm already full.
**[13:08] ---**
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
**[13:11] Todo**
I can't. If I eat any more, I'm gonna puke.
**[13:13] Todo**
Nope, gonna puke.
**[13:21] Todo**
Shut up!
**[13:23] Todo**
You dumbass! Shut up! I can't sleep!
**[13:30] Five**
Hey!
**[13:38] Todo**
Owie!
**[13:40] Todo**
Owie!
**[13:44] Todo**
Here's your chanko stew!
**[13:47] Five**
Hot!
**[13:51] Oso**
Please! Just give up!
**[13:54] Kara**
You can't do anything! Just give up!
**[13:59] Choro**
Please, give up!
**[14:01] Ichi**
Give up!
**[14:03] Jyushi**
Give up!
***SIGN*** Matsu Stable
**[14:23] Kara**
That good-for-nothing! He can't do anything!
**[14:25] Oso**
But he's sorta adorable,
so let's keep him around.
**[14:28] Kara**
Yeah.
**[14:30] Todo**
That hurt, jeez!
**[14:32] Todo**
Ugh, I'm done!
***SIGN*** End
**[14:36] Todo**
I can't! I can't! I can't!
***SIGN*** "Dogs"
**[14:44] Jyushi**
Shake.
**[14:46] Jyushi**
Other paw.
**[14:47] Jyushi**
Now beg.
**[14:50] Jyushi**
You're so smart.
**[14:52] Jyushi**
Jeez, that tickles!
**[14:54] Jyushi**
Stay.
**[14:56] Jyushi**
Okay!
**[15:01] Jyushi**
Bang!
**[15:03] Jyushi**
Now come back!
**[15:05] Jyushi**
Aw, you're so smart!
**[15:18] Jyushi**
Here it goes!
**[15:27] Jyushi**
You're so good, Wanta. Great job!
**[15:33] Jyushi**
What? You want me to throw this, too?
**[15:37] Jyushi**
Okay!
**[15:38] Jyushi**
Here it goes!
**[15:42] Jyushi**
Oh, crap!
**[16:29] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu? The hell are you doing?
**[16:34] Ichi**
Huh?
**[16:37] Ichi**
Huh? What?
**[16:49] Ichi**
*C-Could it be that...*
**[16:53] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu?
**[16:56] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[17:04] Ichi**
U-Uh...
**[17:06] Ichi**
Which one's Jyushimatsu here?
**[17:08] Ichi**
Um...
**[17:16] Ichi**
Hang on a second! Stop playing for now!
**[17:19] Ichi**
Which one are you?
**[17:22] Ichi**
Will the real Jyushimatsu
please raise his hand?
**[17:26] Ichi**
I knew it!
**[17:28] Ichi**
Of course! You're Jyushimatsu!
**[17:32] Ichi**
You are Jyushimatsu, right? Right?
**[17:36] Ichi**
I knew it... Crap.
**[17:38] Ichi**
You switched bodies with a dog.
**[17:41] Ichi**
What did you even do?
**[17:44] Ichi**
So you fell from here?
**[17:47] Ichi**
That's the reason. That's when
you two switched bodies.
**[17:53] Ichi**
How the hell didn't you notice?!
**[17:56] Ichi**
Look! That's clearly you!
**[17:58] Ichi**
That's Jyushimatsu!
**[18:00] Ichi**
You guys switched bodies!
**[18:04] Ichi**
How do you not understand this?!
**[18:06] Ichi**
That's you, right? That's Jyushimatsu.
**[18:09] Ichi**
But you're Jyushimatsu, too, right?
**[18:11] Ichi**
That's messed up. You guys switched.
**[18:15] Ichi**
Get a clue already!
**[18:17] Ichi**
No playing! You need to find a solution.
**[18:21] Ichi**
Take a look at your hand.
That's clearly a dog's paw.
**[18:26] Ichi**
See? You're clearly over here.
**[18:30] Ichi**
Got it? Do you finally understand?
**[18:33] Ichi**
This means your mind has been
swapped out with the dog's.
**[18:41] Ichi**
Why are you laughing?
You need to believe me!
**[18:45] Ichi**
Your body's a dog now, right?
**[18:48] Ichi**
This is your real body, right?
**[18:51] Ichi**
So your minds have switched.
**[18:54] Ichi**
Get a friggin' clue!
**[18:56] Ichi**
Stop playing!
**[19:05] Ichi**
You're telling me to throw it?
**[19:07] Ichi**
Now's really not the time for that.
**[19:11] Ichi**
Okay, fine. Just once, got it?
**[19:14] Ichi**
There.
**[19:26] Ichi**
Pet him?
**[19:28] Ichi**
Here.
**[19:32] Ichi**
Help me!
**[19:35] Ichi**
That's gross!
**[19:36] Ichi**
No! Jyushimatsu, make him
stop! Make him stop!
**[19:44] Ichi**
That was hell... But anyway...
**[19:46] Ichi**
We need to figure out how to turn him back.
**[19:56] Ichi**
Do you finally get it? Took you long enough.
**[20:00] Ichi**
Don't try to get inside him.
**[20:02] Ichi**
That's not happening.
**[20:04] Ichi**
There's no other way. You two need
to fall down these steps again.
**[20:12] Ichi**
I know you're scared, but there's no
other way. It's to return you to normal.
**[20:16] Ichi**
Here we go.
**[20:18] Ichi**
Three, two, one...
**[20:23] Ichi**
Crap! He ran away!
**[20:31] Ichi**
Don't worry, Jyushimatsu.
**[20:34] Ichi**
I'll catch that runaway dog.
**[20:38] Ichi**
I promise I'll turn you back to normal.
**[20:41] Ichi**
You're my precious little brother, after all.
**[20:46] Ichi**
Wait here!
**[21:09] Ichi**
I overestimated my physical abilities.
**[21:12] Ichi**
I'm sorry.
**[21:30] Choro**
Honestly, there's not much of a difference.
**[21:33] Choro**
You can barely tell.
**[21:34] Todo**
I mean, Jyushimatsu-niisan's
always been like this.
**[21:37] Todo**
He's basically like a dog.
**[21:39] Oso**
A dog, huh? I guess stuff like
this happens all the time.
**[21:44] Kara**
Jyushimatsu, to your cage!
**[21:47] Kara**
Cage!
**[21:49] Oso**
Oh, jeez!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Kara**
Next week on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "Persimmons."
**[23:36] Kara**
You know, the fruit.
**[23:38] Kara**
In English, it's "persimmons."
**[23:39] Kara**
Huh? Persimmons? But it's "kaki" in Japanese.
They're nothing alike at all.
**[23:44] Kara**
Okay, I'm going on a journey to
find the persimmons of my soul.
**[23:48] Kara**
I hope all of you also find the
persimmons of your souls, too.
***SIGN*** "Persimmons" etc.
**[23:50] Kara**
Persimmon journey!
**[23:52] Kara**
Ignition.
# E20 - Persimmons
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G4VUQ3DVD/persimmons)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Let's Buy Them"
**[00:11] Oso**
They took down the partition...
**[00:14] Todo**
...so they're right out in the open.
***SIGN*** Barely There Hyaluronic Acid
***SIGN*** Harely There Super Thin
***SIGN*** Magnum
**[00:18] Oso**
Damn it. What the hell?
**[00:20] Oso**
What are they trying to tell us?
**[00:22] Oso**
They're looking right at us!
**[00:24] Todo**
What is this pressure?
Why am I feeling so worked up?
**[00:27] Todo**
Damn it! Stop looking at us!
What are you trying to say?
**[00:31] Oso**
I mean, we...
**[00:33] Todo**
I mean, we...
**[00:41] Todo**
Wanna buy them?
**[00:43] Oso**
T-Totty! What are you saying?!
**[00:46] Todo**
Let's just buy them already!
**[00:47] Todo**
There's no point in cowering
forever like this!
**[00:50] Oso**
Y-You can't mean we should
actually buy them!
**[00:52] Oso**
B-But that's...
**[00:56] Todo**
Why are your knees quaking?!
How pathetic are you?
**[00:59] Todo**
We're going to use them someday!
**[01:00] Todo**
So we can just buy them now!
We'll need them someday!
**[01:04] Oso**
B-But... I mean... They're sort of expensive.
**[01:07] Todo**
We're gonna use them someday!
**[01:09] Todo**
Aren't you going to use them?!
**[01:10] Oso**
I am...
**[01:11] Todo**
Do you plan on never using them?!
**[01:13] Oso**
No...
**[01:14] Todo**
You'll use them someday, right?
**[01:15] Oso**
Yeah!
**[01:15] Todo**
So let's buy them right now!
**[01:17] Todo**
Let's both pitch in!
**[01:25] Oso**
All right. I'll buy them.
**[01:28] Todo**
Well said!
**[01:29] Todo**
Don't underestimate us!
We're gonna buy you!
**[01:32] Oso**
And we'll use you!
**[01:34] Todo**
We'll use this opportunity to
finally take a step forward!
**[01:36] Oso**
Yeah!
**[01:37] Todo**
We're gonna buy you!
**[01:38] Oso**
Yeah!
***SIGN*** Barely There Hyaluronic Acid
***SIGN*** Harely There Super Thin
***SIGN*** Magnum
**[01:40] Both**
We're gonna buy you!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu Memorial Hall
**[03:26] Sign**
National
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu Memorial Hall
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu Memorial Hall"
***SIGN*** Celebrating
Matsuno Choromatsu
Memorial Hall
**[03:36] Todo**
"Matsuno Choromatsu Memorial Hall"?
**[03:39] Choro**
Good day, everyone.
**[03:40] Choro**
I'm the director of the Matsuno Choromatsu
Memorial Hall, Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[03:44] Choro**
I am truly grateful to see
the coming of this glorious day.
**[03:50] Choro**
You may be wondering why
this building came to be.
**[03:54] Choro**
We believe that society's assessment of
Matsuno Choromatsu is rather unjust.
**[03:58] Choro**
He deserves far more praise.
**[04:01] Choro**
We therefore built this establishment
here, where he was born,
**[04:04] Choro**
to tell later generations of his exploits.
**[04:07] Todo**
*The hell is he talking about?*
**[04:09] Choro**
Who actually built this building?
**[04:11] Choro**
Yes! It was I!
**[04:13] Todo**
*Yeah, no shit.*
**[04:15] Choro**
It will open on March 3rd
in the third year of Reiwa.
**[04:18] Choro**
We're going for all threes
because he's the third Matsuno son.
**[04:20] Choro**
This will be on the test, so remember it.
**[04:22] Todo**
*No, seriously, what?*
**[04:24] choro**
Now, let us go inside.
**[04:29] Choro**
Please, come in. Admission is free.
**[04:33] Todo**
* When the hell did he build*
* all this in our basement?*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
**[04:37] Choro**
This is a full-body bronze
statue of Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[04:40] Todo**
Huh?
**[04:40] Choro**
Just look at how fit he is.
**[04:42] Choro**
You can truly tell how
stoic and earnest he is.
**[04:46] Todo**
* What's fit about him?*
* That's definitely a muffin-top.*
**[04:49] Choro**
You can take your commemorative
photos right here.
**[05:00] Choro**
There you are.
**[05:01] Choro**
You can now be Matsuno Choromatsu, too.
**[05:03] Choro**
Congratulations!
**[05:06] Choro**
As you know, Matsuno Choromatsu
is a master of retorts.
**[05:10] Choro**
So here is a series of pictures
depicting his elegant form.
**[05:14] Choro**
Such force. How beautiful.
**[05:17] Choro**
His retorts constantly lead his very stupid
**[05:19] Choro**
and useless brothers down the right path.
**[05:23] Choro**
He's ever reliable. He should be
thanked for his distinguished service.
***SIGN*** The Matsuno Choromatsu Retort Experience
**[05:28] Choro**
Now, let us experience these
masterful retorts ourselves.
**[05:32] Choro**
Go right ahead. It's free.
**[05:34] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:38] Choro**
Why the hell?!
**[05:40] Choro**
You went to see some shrimp?
**[05:41] Choro**
I'd rather set my ass hair on fire than
**[05:43] Choro**
care about what color your
nails are, you uggo!
**[05:45] Choro**
Fantastic!
**[05:47] Todo**
*That last one wasn't a retort.*
**[05:48] Todo**
* Also, I'm so sorry,*
* Salmon and Pickled Plum.*
**[05:52] Choro**
These are the glasses
he wore in high school.
**[05:55] Todo**
*Don't put trash like that on display.*
**[05:57] Choro**
Here are his test answer sheets.
He always got excellent marks.
**[06:00] Todo**
* He's totally lying about these scores.*
* He was an absolute moron!*
**[06:03] Choro**
This is the first figure
he ever put together.
**[06:05] Todo**
*Don't display that.*
**[06:06] Choro**
This is perfection. Matsuno Choromatsu
is brimming with talent.
**[06:11] Todo**
* Yeah, no. You're speaking*
* way too highly of yourself.*
**[06:13] Choro**
As you can see, he is also a man of culture.
***SIGN*** Nya
**[06:17] Choro**
He is a man of many hobbies.
**[06:19] Todo**
*Okay, nerd.*
***SIGN*** 2017 Tax Form
**[06:20] Choro**
This is the first tax filing he submitted.
**[06:24] Choro**
"You mustn't be a NEET at heart!"
***SIGN*** 2017 Tax Form
**[06:27] Choro**
You can hear him say that in your heart.
**[06:30] Todo**
* I have no idea what you're saying.*
* I keep saying this.*
**[06:34] Choro**
He always fearlessly changed his appearance.
**[06:36] Choro**
Everyone acknowledged how courageous
he was and this look was a hit!
**[06:44] Choro**
Allow me to repeat that last part.
It was a hit.
**[06:48] Choro**
It was an absolute hit.
**[06:50] Choro**
H-I-T.
**[06:52] Todo**
*I get it already! You're creeping me out!*
**[06:54] Choro**
Matsuno Choromatsu has left
so many relics in this world.
**[06:59] Todo**
*You clearly don't know what relics are.*
**[07:00] Choro**
This one here is truly amazing!
The Konden Einen Shizai Law!
**[07:04] Todo**
What?!
**[07:04] Choro**
Established in the 15th
year of the Tenpyo Era,
**[07:06] Choro**
this was the blueprint for the
manorial system that came to follow.
**[07:10] Todo**
*You had nothing to do with this!*
**[07:12] Todo**
*Don't try to edit yourself into history!*
**[07:14] Choro**
He then traveled around
the world to find himself.
**[07:18] Choro**
He was finally able to achieve nirvana
and free himself of worldly thoughts.
**[07:22] Choro**
Remarkable! He was free
of all human desires!
**[07:26] Todo**
*You haven't been freed at all!*
**[07:27] Todo**
* This whole hall is filled with*
* nothing but those desires!*
***SIGN*** Choromage
***SIGN*** Choromedia
**[07:30] Todo**
*Yikes.*
***SIGN*** The Story of Choro Through Manga
***SIGN*** Choro Record (Part 1)
**[07:33] Todo**
*What the hell?!*
**[07:36] Todo**
*That's just scary!*
**[07:37] Choro**
Our final piece is the legendary
self-awareness rising ball.
**[07:42] Choro**
His empyreal and proud mind was able
to create a miracle such as this.
**[07:47] Choro**
It is alive.
**[07:50] Choro**
How did you like it?
**[07:51] Choro**
This remarkable figure
named Matsuno Choromatsu
**[07:53] Choro**
continues to grow by the day,
and he got to where he is today
**[07:56] Choro**
without letting all the haters get him down.
**[07:58] Choro**
He is loved by many and hogged all
the trust and popularity for himself.
**[08:03] Choro**
Now, let us sing his praises!
**[08:05] Choro**
Long live Matsuno Choromatsu!
**[08:07] Choro**
Huzzah!
**[08:09] Choro**
Huzzah!
**[08:09] Choro**
Huzzah!
**[08:11] Choro**
Huzzah!
**[08:11] ---**
Huzzah!
**[08:13] ---**
Yay!
**[08:14] Choro**
Up next...
**[08:15] Todo**
*There's more?!*
**[08:16] Choro**
These are relics of Matsuno
Choromatsu's past.
**[08:20] Choro**
Now, let us see what he has
in store for the future.
**[08:23] Todo**
*Th-The future? What do you mean?!*
**[08:24] Todo**
*I'm scared! I might just die!*
***SIGN*** Future Corner
**[08:30] Todo**
This is the suit he wore on his first day
at work when, out of all the brothers,
**[08:34] Todo**
he succeeded in getting a job first!
**[08:36] Todo**
*What?!*
**[08:37] Choro**
I worked so hard. I get teary-eyed
thinking back on the future...
**[08:42] Todo**
* Exactly how do you look back on*
* the future? What's going on?*
**[08:45] Todo**
*I keep saying this, but...*
**[08:48] Choro**
Oh, gosh! How embarrassing!
***SIGN*** Choro's First Date
**[08:50] Choro**
This is a commemorative photo that I took
on my first date with my girlfriend!
**[08:56] Choro**
It was so much fun! I was
enjoying my youth so much!
**[08:59] Choro**
This is the scarf she knitted
for me for my birthday!
***SIGN*** Historical Present
***SIGN*** Choro
***SIGN*** Historical Dishes
**[09:04] Choro**
She made me all kinds
of homemade meals, too...
**[09:07] Choro**
And wrote oh-so-many love letters!
***SIGN*** Historical Love Letters
**[09:11] Choro**
My trophy for my 1,000th conquest.
I just couldn't keep the ladies away.
**[09:14] Choro**
Who knew I was such a playboy?
***SIGN*** Asia
**[09:17] Choro**
And then I reached number one in Asia.
**[09:20] Choro**
You heard me. Asia.
That's basically worldwide. Wow.
**[09:23] Choro**
And then I got the Choromatsu Award
five years in a row, making history!
**[09:28] Choro**
You don't see anyone getting this
award that many times in a row.
**[09:30] Choro**
Anyone can get just one.
**[09:32] Choro**
It's staying on top that's hard,
which makes this impressive.
**[09:35] Choro**
That's so awesome!
**[09:37] Choro**
And then I got the Nobel Prize, became
the prime minister, then the president,
**[09:41] Choro**
appeared on the Kouhaku Music Festival,
and then made my home on the Moon!
**[09:44] Choro**
All praise Matsuno Choromatsu!
**[09:46] Choro**
Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzza—
**[09:53] Choro**
Stop!
**[09:55] Choro**
Don't burn it all down!
**[09:57] Choro**
My memorial hall! My memorial hall!
**[10:00] Choro**
My...
**[10:02] Choro**
memorial hall!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Ear Cleaning"
**[10:12] Oso**
Could you lie down already,
my dear Karamatsu-kun?
**[10:16] Oso**
I wanna go to pachinko.
**[10:17] Oso**
Let's get this ear cleaning over with.
**[10:21] Oso**
Come on.
**[10:24] Oso**
What are you doing?
**[10:25] Oso**
You can't clean out your own ears
because it weirds you out, right?
**[10:28] Oso**
But the inside of your ear has been
bothering you since yesterday.
**[10:30] Oso**
You're too embarrassed to tell anyone
else that you can't clean your ear,
**[10:34] Oso**
so you came to me, right?
**[10:36] Oso**
Get over here already, then.
Let's get this over with.
**[10:39] Kara**
I-I'm worried.
**[10:41] Oso**
Huh? About what?
**[10:42] Kara**
You.
**[10:43] Oso**
Huh?
**[10:44] Kara**
I hate to say it after I asked you to do this,
**[10:46] Kara**
but I didn't pick you because I wanted to.
**[10:49] Kara**
It was a process of elimination.
Negative selection.
**[10:52] Kara**
I hate to say it after I asked you
to do this, but you're so half-assed.
**[10:56] Kara**
Should I have asked you to clean my ears?
Are my ears going to be okay?
**[11:00] Kara**
I'm pretty sure they won't be.
**[11:02] Kara**
I hate to say it after I asked you to do this,
**[11:04] Kara**
but my gut is telling me not to let
someone like you clean my ears.
**[11:08] Oso**
I'm going to pachinko.
**[11:10] Kara**
I'm sorry! Please wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[11:12] Kara**
Pwease clean my ears!
**[11:14] Oso**
Isn't that messed up?
You asked me to do this, right?
**[11:16] Kara**
Yes.
**[11:17] Oso**
So why are you looking down on me?
**[11:20] Kara**
I'm sorry. It's just a habit.
**[11:21] Oso**
Tch.
**[11:22] Oso**
Just hurry up and lie down already.
**[11:24] Oso**
Let's get this over with.
**[11:25] Kara**
Could you not say it like that?!
**[11:27] Kara**
This has been bugging me for so long,
and you saying that is really scary!
**[11:31] Kara**
Ear cleaning seriously scares me!
**[11:33] Kara**
Is that getting through to you?!
**[11:35] Oso**
I got it.
**[11:36] Kara**
Can you be gentle?
**[11:38] Oso**
I can.
**[11:39] Kara**
Really?
**[11:40] Oso**
Yeah.
**[11:41] Kara**
You won't mess around?
**[11:42] Oso**
No.
**[11:43] Kara**
You promise?
**[11:44] Oso**
Yes.
**[11:45] Kara**
You liar! You're not that dependable!
**[11:47] Oso**
I'm going to pachinko.
**[11:50] Kara**
I went too far! I'm sorry!
**[11:52] Kara**
Pwease clean my ears for me!
**[11:54] Oso**
You're really weird today.
You asked me to do this, remember?
**[11:58] Kara**
Ear cleaning scares me so much.
**[12:00] Oso**
I get it already. I'll take
it seriously and be gentle.
**[12:04] Oso**
Just lie down already.
**[12:09] Kara**
I'm so scared...
**[12:13] Kara**
Osomatsu, um... Let me
know when you're about to—
**[12:17] Kara**
Whoa! Hey!
**[12:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[12:20] Kara**
Don't just ram it into my ear like that!
**[12:22] Kara**
You need to tell me when
you're about to start!
**[12:24] Kara**
Don't just silently jab
the earpick in there!
**[12:27] Kara**
I told you how scared I am! I told you!
**[12:31] Oso**
That was a no?
**[12:32] Kara**
Big no!
**[12:33] Oso**
My bad.
**[12:34] Kara**
Ugh! This is what I'm talking about!
**[12:36] Oso**
I'll tell you next time.
**[12:38] Oso**
You don't need to stand up. Lie back
down so we can get this over with.
**[12:41] Kara**
Stop saying it like that.
You saying that is scary.
**[12:45] Oso**
Okay! Just lie down already!
**[12:52] Oso**
Here I go.
**[12:53] Kara**
Wait!
**[12:53] Oso**
What now?
**[12:55] Kara**
Please give me a countdown.
**[12:56] Oso**
Ugh, you're such a pain.
**[12:59] Oso**
10, 9, 8, 7...
**[13:00] Kara**
You started that countdown way too fast!
**[13:02] Kara**
If you're going to count down that fast,
**[13:04] Kara**
you need a countdown to tell me
you're about to count down—
**[13:08] Kara**
Osomatsu, hold up! Hold up one second!
**[13:11] Oso**
What?
**[13:12] Kara**
Stop!
**[13:13] Oso**
I did stop.
**[13:14] Kara**
Wait, Osomatsu!
**[13:16] Oso**
I am waiting.
**[13:17] Kara**
I said wait!
**[13:18] Oso**
I am waiting.
**[13:18] Kara**
Wait!
**[13:19] Oso**
I am, damn it!
**[13:20] Kara**
Really? You're not gonna move?!
Where's the earpick right now?
**[13:24] Oso**
In the air.
**[13:25] Kara**
Ugh, I'm scared! I'm so scared!
**[13:28] Oso**
Shut up. Here I go.
**[13:30] Kara**
Wait, wait! Oh, God, that's scary!
**[13:34] Kara**
Osomatsu!
**[13:36] Oso**
Shut up already.
**[13:38] Oso**
Stop screaming! I can't concentrate.
**[13:41] Oso**
Hey!
**[13:44] Kara**
You did your best. Good work!
**[13:46] Kara**
Thank you very much!
**[13:48] Kara**
We can do my other ear another time.
**[13:50] Oso**
But I haven't even cleaned the first one.
**[13:53] Kara**
Huh?
**[13:54] Oso**
I didn't get any earwax.
**[13:56] Kara**
What?! The hell are you
doing? You're useless!
**[14:00] Oso**
It's not my fault!
**[14:01] Oso**
How am I supposed to concentrate
with you screaming at me?!
**[14:05] Kara**
We have to do it again, then?
**[14:06] Oso**
Pretty much.
**[14:07] Kara**
This is why you suck, Osomatsu!
**[14:10] Oso**
I'm going to pachinko.
**[14:15] Oso**
I can't understand you!
**[14:17] Oso**
No more noises from you.
No more yelling. Promise.
**[14:21] Kara**
Okay, I won't yell anymore. I promise.
**[14:26] Oso**
You're totally yelling.
**[14:29] Oso**
It's not in there anymore. Karamatsu.
**[14:31] Kara**
I'm scared, I'm scared.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
**[14:34] Oso**
Who are you apologizing to?
**[14:37] Oso**
What am I supposed to do with this?
**[14:39] Kara**
I've had enough! I can't! I'm done with you!
**[14:43] Oso**
I should be done with *you*.
**[14:45] Kara**
Well? Were you able to clean my ear?
**[14:47] Oso**
Not at all.
**[14:48] Kara**
You dumbass! You absolute dumbass!
**[14:51] Oso**
You promised not to make any noise.
**[15:00] Oso**
Yeah, there you go.
**[15:01] Oso**
This is how you clean your ear.
We're making progress.
**[15:06] Kara**
Just be careful... with my eardrum.
**[15:09] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:13] Oso**
What? Does that hurt?
**[15:15] Kara**
No, it feels nice.
**[15:17] Oso**
Oh, okay.
**[15:18] Oso**
Huh? There's something huge in there.
**[15:21] Oso**
Want me to get it?
**[15:22] Kara**
Yeah, get it. I wanna feel relief.
**[15:24] Kara**
Just be careful of my eardrum.
**[15:26] Oso**
What's an eardrum?
**[15:27] Kara**
What?!
**[15:31] Oso**
Tell me if it hurts.
**[15:33] Kara**
I'm fine. That feels good.
**[15:36] Oso**
Should I get it?
**[15:37] Kara**
Yeah.
**[15:38] Oso**
Here I go.
**[15:39] Kara**
Okay.
**[15:40] Oso**
There we go.
**[15:50] Kara**
Man, that felt great!
**[15:53] Kara**
Huh? Did you do something?
**[15:58] Oso**
Nope. Nothing.
**[15:59] Kara**
That felt great. Thank you!
**[16:02] Kara**
One more time.
**[16:03] Oso**
Huh? We're doing this again?
**[16:05] Kara**
Come on, just do it.
**[16:07] Kara**
Go on.
**[16:10] Kara**
That feels nice. Yeah, right there.
**[16:13] Kara**
Pick out the thing you're hitting, Osomatsu.
**[16:16] Oso**
You want it out?
**[16:17] Kara**
Yeah.
**[16:18] Oso**
Are you sure?
**[16:19] Kara**
Yes!
**[16:20] Oso**
You got it.
**[16:23] Kara**
Man, that felt great!
**[16:27] Kara**
Did you do something?
**[16:28] Oso**
Nope. Nothing.
**[16:29] Kara**
That's weird. I only remember
part of this happening.
**[16:32] Kara**
Well, whatever. One more time.
**[16:34] Oso**
Isn't that enough?!
**[16:36] Oso**
Weren't you scared of ear cleaning?
**[16:38] Kara**
I'm over it now. Weird, huh?
**[16:40] Oso**
Uh...
**[16:41] Kara**
Just do it.
**[16:44] Kara**
Yeah! Right there! That's the
motherload! Osomatsu! Go for it!
**[16:48] Oso**
Want me to get it?
**[16:49] Kara**
Go for it!
**[16:49] Oso**
Okay, I'm going.
**[16:50] Kara**
Get it!
**[16:54] Oso**
It all came out!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
***SIGN*** "Persimmons"
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[17:16] Dekapan**
How are you feeling?
**[17:19] Dekapan**
Make sure you eat and move around lots
so you can get better soon.
**[17:26] Hata**
I'm going to die, jo.
**[17:28] Hata**
I can tell, jo.
**[17:30] Hata**
I'm not going to make it.
**[17:32] Hata**
There's no hope for me, jo.
**[17:34] Deka**
What are you talking about?
You're gonna make it!
**[17:37] Deka**
You need to keep trying! Don't give up!
**[17:43] Hata**
Another one fell, jo.
**[17:46] Hata**
Once all those persimmons fall,
**[17:50] Hata**
I'll probably die, too, jo.
**[17:55] Hata**
Another one fell, jo.
**[17:58] Deka**
You can't stay stuff like that.
**[18:00] Deka**
I'm going to make sure you
get better, no matter what.
**[18:03] Deka**
So no looking at those anymore.
**[18:16] Deka**
What's all that ruckus?
**[18:17] Ichi**
Shut your mouth, you quack!
**[18:20] jyushi**
Cure me, damn it!
**[18:22] Kara**
Don't kick your patients!
**[18:25] Deka**
What in the world is going on?!
This is a hospital!
**[18:27] Ichi**
You jerk! What's the big idea,
hiring this quack?!
**[18:30] Jyushi**
He fell asleep during an operation!
**[18:33] Iyami**
Well, me was tired.
**[18:34] Kara**
He's always listening to the
horse races with earphones, too!
**[18:37] Iyami**
Well, me has a lot on the line.
**[18:39] Ichi**
He renders medical diagnoses with graffiti!
***SIGN*** You Have
Cancer
**[18:42] Iyami**
They're easy to understand!
**[18:43] Ichi**
He keeps killing one patient after another!
***SIGN*** Be quiet in the hallway
**[18:46] Jyushi**
What do you think our lives are?!
**[18:48] Iyami**
Well, you're all going to die, anyway.
**[18:50] Iyami**
Do you all really want to live that long?
**[18:53] Iyami**
What for? What's the point
of living so long?
**[18:57] Iyami**
Me could care less if you all live or die!
**[19:02] Iyami**
Just croak already!
***SIGN*** Be quiet in the hallway
**[19:04] Ichi**
Cure me!
**[19:05] Iyami**
Die!
**[19:06] Jyushi**
Cure me!
**[19:07] Iyami**
Die!
***SIGN*** Consultation Room
**[19:10] Deka**
And you call yourself a doctor?!
**[19:13] Deka**
We've lost 80 patients since
you came to this hospital!
**[19:19] Iyami**
Me is shooting for a cool million!
**[19:21] Iyami**
Let's see...
**[19:23] Iyami**
Yeah, this one's a goner.
**[19:25] Iyami**
No hope for this one.
**[19:27] Iyami**
Give it three days.
**[19:28] Iyami**
Five seconds here.
**[19:30] Iyami**
What a pain.
**[19:32] Iyami**
They're all going to die!
**[19:37] Deka**
You're fired!
**[19:50] Iyami**
Hey, you.
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[19:52] Iyami**
You haven't croaked yet?
**[19:56] Iyami**
What is it?
**[19:59] Hata**
There's only one left, jo.
**[20:03] Hata**
When that last one falls to the ground...
**[20:07] Hata**
I'm going to die, too, jo.
**[20:15] Iyami**
Me will speed up the process!
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[20:19] Hata**
Stop, jo!
**[20:20] Iyami**
Guess this is goodbye for you!
**[20:24] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[20:30] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[20:33] Hata**
Don't!
**[20:33] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[20:53] Iyami**
Me is going to make it drop, no matter what.
**[21:02] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[21:07] Iyami**
Take that! And that! And that!
**[21:09] Iyami**
Fall!
**[21:11] Iyami**
Fall down!
**[21:15] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[21:18] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[21:22] Iyami**
Sheh! Sheh! Sheh!
**[21:24] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[21:26] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[21:31] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[21:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[21:51] Deka**
What is it?
**[21:55] Hata**
Doctor... I'm not going to give up, jo.
***SIGN*** Hatabou
**[21:58] Hata**
I'm going to keep fighting
until the end, jo!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:40] Choro**
Choromatsu here.
**[23:41] Choro**
Next week on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "Totoderella."
**[23:44] Choro**
Yes. This is the story about Totoko-chan
that the world's been waiting for.
**[23:48] Choro**
You there, who didn't share that sentiment.
***SIGN*** "Totoderella" etc.
**[23:51] Choro**
Too bad. You've been sentenced to death.
# E21 - Totoderella
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G14U4351Z/totoderella)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Is This Okay?"
**[00:08] Choro**
Is this okay?
**[00:10] Choro**
I'm a bit worried.
**[00:12] Ichi**
Huh? About what?
**[00:14] Choro**
When you're eating in, is it okay
to stay however long you want?
**[00:18] Choro**
I'm worried we're being
a burden to the staff.
**[00:22] Choro**
Is this okay?
**[00:24] Ichi**
I get that. I've been wondering myself.
**[00:27] Ichi**
Anyone would worry about that, right?
**[00:29] Choro**
Yeah, I think it's normal.
**[00:31] Ichi**
Nice. I knew I liked something about you.
**[00:34] Choro**
Really? Thanks.
**[00:36] Choro**
I think it's great that you worry
about stuff like this, too.
**[00:39] Ichi**
Thanks.
***SIGN*** Please do not sit here for too long *It inconveniences the other customers.
**[00:40] Choro**
Now, this is the confusing part.
**[00:42] Choro**
"Please do not sit here for too long."
But how long is too long?
**[00:48] Ichi**
No idea. It's really hard to say.
**[00:50] Choro**
We have nothing to do with our lives,
**[00:52] Choro**
so our sense of time is completely
different from normal people's.
**[00:55] Ichi**
We live by a different clock.
**[00:57] Choro**
We could easily kill time for, like,
ten hours. I've done it lots of times.
**[01:02] Ichi**
"Too long" for us would get pretty crazy.
***SIGN*** Self Discovery
***SIGN*** Live Free
***SIGN*** Do This and
Your Life Will
Change Forever
**[01:05] Choro**
I wonder how long is okay.
**[01:07] Ichi**
No idea.
**[01:09] Choro**
Well, we should probably leave soon, anyway.
**[01:11] Ichi**
Yeah. We don't want to
burden them, so let's leave.
**[01:15] Choro**
Oh, shit! An employee's coming this way!
**[01:16] Ichi**
Huh?!
**[01:18] Choro**
*Are we in trouble?*
**[01:19] Ichi**
*Will we be okay?*
**[01:20] Choro**
*He's gonna say something to us!*
***SIGN*** Please do not sit here for too long *It inconveniences the other customers.
**[01:22] Ichi**
*He's gonna yell at us!*
**[01:36] Choro**
Man, that was close!
**[01:38] Ichi**
Dude, I thought he was gonna kill us!
**[01:41] Choro**
We should probably leave
before they do kill us.
**[01:43] Ichi**
Yeah, let's leave.
**[01:46] Choro**
Ichimatsu, what's that?
Did you actually buy that?
***SIGN*** Snakey Star Ramen
***SIGN*** Nori Salt Flavor
**[01:49] Ichi**
Well, yeah.
**[01:51] Choro**
Good job! I bought something, too.
***SIGN*** Porky
***SIGN*** Sauce- Flavor
**[01:53] ichi**
Really? Good job.
**[01:55] Choro**
I do feel bad, since it's only 30 yen.
**[01:57] Ichi**
Nah, the value of money for us is
totally different from everyone else's.
**[02:02] Ichi**
Thirty yen is pretty spendy.
**[02:04] Choro**
It definitely puts a dent in our wallets.
**[02:06] Choro**
So I'm hoping the employees don't judge
us by how much the items we buy cost,
**[02:11] Choro**
but instead consider how much of a dent
we're making in our life savings here.
**[02:16] Ichi**
Have mercy on us.
**[02:17] Choro**
Please forgive us.
**[02:20] Choro**
Someone's coming again!
**[02:22] Choro**
*I'm sorry!*
**[02:23] Ichi**
*I'm sorry!*
**[02:24] Choro**
*Forgive us!*
**[02:25] Ichi**
*Forgive us!*
**[02:26] Both**
*Please don't yell at us!*
**[02:35] Choro**
Holy shit, we're saved.
**[02:38] Ichi**
They didn't kill us...
**[02:40] Choro**
That's our limit, though. Let's go.
**[02:42] Ichi**
Yeah. We're definitely burdening them.
**[02:44] Both**
Okay, let's leave.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Greenroom"
***SIGN*** K Pro Comedy AI Show
Matsumusha
**[04:33] Salmon**
Do we need to fix anything else?
Should we use our family restaurant bit?
**[04:37] Plum**
I'll tell you one part that's bugging me.
**[04:39] Salmon**
Okay.
**[04:40] Plum**
So, about the intro...
**[04:42] Salmon**
Yeah?
**[04:45] All**
Good morning!
**[04:48] Salmon**
Huh?!
**[04:50] Salmon**
*IyaChibi-san? Why are they here?*
**[04:52] Salmon**
*Were they on today?*
**[04:54] Plum**
*W-Were they listed?*
**[04:56] Salmon**
*No... So why are they here?*
**[04:59] Plum**
* They must've come to see*
* the newer acts perform.*
**[05:01] Salmon**
*For real? Why, though?*
**[05:03] Plum**
*This is going to take up so much time...*
**[05:07] Iyami**
Heya.
**[05:08] Chibi**
Heya.
**[05:10] Both**
Good morning.
**[05:12] Salmon**
Ow, ow! Hey, please stop that!
**[05:17] Ume**
That tickles! Please stop!
**[05:20] Shake**
*Why is this happening?*
**[05:21] Ume**
*This sucks!*
**[05:25] Chibi**
How're things lately?
**[05:26] Chibi**
Staying busy?
**[05:28] Shake**
No, not at all.
**[05:29] Iyami**
You guys are popular.
**[05:31] Ume**
We're really not.
**[05:32] Chibi**
You're winning all the auditions, aren't ya?
**[05:34] Shake**
Where'd you hear that from?
**[05:36] Iyami**
Your bit today was good.
Are you gonna do that one at A-1?
**[05:40] Both**
Yes.
**[05:41] Iyami**
You're likely to make it...
**[05:44] Iyami**
to the semifinals.
**[05:46] Both**
Semifinals? No, no, no!
**[05:48] Chibi**
Not only that, but you could...
**[05:51] Chibi**
make it to the finals!
**[05:52] Both**
The finals?! No, no, no!
**[05:54] Iyami**
Winners of the A-1!
**[05:56] Chibi**
Congrats!
**[05:59] Shake**
* There it is. Complimenting their juniors*
* just to make them uncomfortable.*
**[06:02] Ume**
* And passive-aggressively trying to*
* prove they have nothing to fear.*
**[06:06] Iyami**
Go on. Have a seat...
**[06:07] Both**
...champions!
**[06:11] Chibi**
Oh, yeah.
**[06:13] Chibi**
The other day, I was walking by the station,
**[06:16] Chibi**
and it started pouring outta nowhere.
**[06:18] Both**
Yes?
**[06:18] Chibi**
It was super sudden and, like,
I didn't have an umbrella, right?
**[06:23] ---**
Right, right.
**[06:24] Both**
Oh, really?
**[06:29] Both**
Oh, really?
**[06:31] Both**
Oh, really?
**[06:33] Both**
Really?
**[06:35] Both**
Oh, really?
**[06:38] Shake**
*What the hell is he talking about?*
**[06:41] Ume**
*He's talking so long about nothing.*
**[06:43] Ume**
*Where's he going with this?*
**[06:46] Ume**
* I seriously can't tell.*
* It's a pain to even listen.*
**[06:48] Shake**
*He's just wasting our time.*
**[06:49] Ume**
* But they're our seniors, so we have*
* to at least pretend we're listening.*
**[06:53] Shake**
* But the more interested we seem,*
* the longer they'll drag it out.*
**[06:58] Iyami**
And the one who was there
**[06:59] Iyami**
just happened to be that old lady.
**[07:01] Chibi**
Why the hell?
**[07:04] Iyami**
Funny, right?
**[07:06] Chibi**
And then, would you believe it?
**[07:08] Chibi**
It broke.
**[07:10] Iyami**
Insane, right?
**[07:14] Iyami**
And then...
**[07:15] Both**
*When should we make a break for it?*
**[07:18] Iyami**
We've got a present for you guys today.
**[07:20] Iyami**
I'm sure you guys are broke, right?
**[07:23] Iyami**
Here. You can have these.
**[07:27] Shake**
Thank you.
**[07:28] Ume**
*He's not a bad guy.*
**[07:30] Shake**
*Or a bad senior.*
**[07:32] Both**
*But...*
**[07:35] Ume**
*These are so old, we won't be able to use them.*
**[07:38] Shake**
*I'm sure his intentions are good...*
**[07:41] Shake**
* But it's not like we can throw*
* these away. It's just a burden.*
**[07:48] Chibi**
So, are you guys free after this?
**[07:50] Both**
Huh?
**[07:53] Ume**
*Crap! The moment we were dreading!*
**[07:55] Shake**
*It's do-or-die time!*
**[07:57] Shake**
Actually, we've got something planned...
**[07:59] Ume**
Yeah, we're a bit busy.
**[08:01] Chibi**
So you're free?
**[08:03] Chibi**
Your schedule's clear, right?
**[08:04] Chibi**
You're free, right?
**[08:06] Shake**
* Could you tell us what awaits*
* us if we say we're free?*
**[08:11] Ume**
* Could you not force us into things without*
* telling us what we're getting into?*
**[08:16] Chibi**
So you see...
**[08:17] Ume**
*You're inviting us to eat, aren't you?*
**[08:19] Chibi**
You see...
**[08:20] Shake**
*Yup, it's food.*
**[08:23] Ume**
*It's food.*
**[08:24] Shake**
*It's definitely food.*
**[08:26] Chibi**
How about we go grab
a bite to eat after this?
**[08:28] Both**
*I knew it!*
**[08:29] Ume**
* He makes it sound super serious to*
* make it even harder for us to decline,*
**[08:33] Ume**
* and then just tells us he's*
* inviting us out for food.*
**[08:36] Iyami**
We can eat wherever you guys want.
**[08:38] Both**
Thank you very much.
**[08:39] Ume**
*Thanks, I guess...*
**[08:41] Shake**
*Thanks, I guess...*
***SIGN*** The Cheapest
Pub in Town
***SIGN*** Goukyuu Store #3
**[08:43] Ume**
* They always take us to*
* the cheapest place possible.*
**[08:47] Shake**
* The food sucks, and the*
* alcohol they have is gross.*
**[08:49] Ume**
*We can't relax because of who we're with.*
**[08:51] Shake**
*We can't let down our guard at all.*
**[08:53] Ume**
*Sometimes they lecture us.*
**[08:55] Shake**
*We can't go home, even if we're tired.*
**[08:56] Ume**
*We're grateful...*
**[08:58] Both**
*But it's also sort of just hell.*
**[09:01] Shake**
* Please don't worry about*
* us if it's too expensive.*
**[09:03] Ume**
*We can afford to come here on our own.*
**[09:09] Robot**
Hey, it's IyaChibi-san.
**[09:11] Robot**
What's up? Are you guys bored?
**[09:15] Ume**
*Crap! An air-headed newbie just showed up!*
**[09:17] Robot**
Man, your bit the other day sucked!
Are you guys gonna make it in the A-1?
**[09:23] Iya**
Hey, come on, now.
**[09:24] Chibi**
Don't be so rude to your seniors.
**[09:28] Ume**
*You could get mad at him...*
**[09:30] Robot**
You need to work harder, IyaChibi!
**[09:34] Iyami**
Remember, we've been around
longer than you have.
**[09:38] Shake**
*You could just get pissed off...*
**[09:39] Ume**
* You need to get mad!*
* He's just mocking you!*
**[09:43] Rob**
Sorry, IyaChibi-san. Was that okay?
**[09:46] Iyami**
Huh? What do you mean?
**[09:48] Chibi**
We're totally fine.
**[09:49] Shake**
*No way. We saw you get angry for a second.*
**[09:52] Robot**
Hey, what's this?
**[09:54] Robot**
Hmm... Don't need it!
**[09:58] Iyami**
You idiot.
**[09:59] Chibi**
Cut it out already.
**[10:01] Shake**
*You're way too nice!*
**[10:03] Ume**
* Being nice and being popular*
* don't coincide here.*
**[10:06] Both**
*There's no hope.*
**[10:08] Some**
Riceballs.
**[10:11] Both**
Basshy-san!
**[10:13] Ume**
*The pro emcee everyone looks up to.*
**[10:15] Shake**
*He's already on tons of TV shows.*
**[10:18] Basshy**
You guys free after this?
Wanna grab a light meal?
**[10:22] Both**
*Yes, please!*
**[10:24] Shake**
* We really, really want to*
* go drinking with you!*
**[10:26] Ume**
* We should totally hang out with them if*
* we want to get anywhere in this business.*
**[10:29] Shake**
*But IyaChibi-san already invited us.*
**[10:32] Ume**
* But we'd have a better chance*
* to make it with them...*
**[10:39] Ume**
* They always disappear into the shadows*
* when a popular junior shows up.*
**[10:43] Rando**
Guys!
**[10:45] Rando**
The results for the first round of
the A-1 Grand Prix are already out!
**[10:48] All**
For real?!
**[10:51] Ume**
Well? Are we listed?
**[10:55] Shake**
We are!
***SIGN*** Riceballs (Free)
**[10:56] Shake**
We got through the first round!
**[10:59] Ume**
That's awesome!
**[11:00] Both**
Yay!
**[11:03] Ume**
Wait.
***SIGN*** Jerry
**[11:13] Ume**
*G-Guess they aren't on the list.*
**[11:15] Shake**
*They were eliminated.*
**[11:17] Robot**
Well, the first round is easy-peasy.
Of course we got through.
**[11:25] Shake**
* Nice seniors like you need*
* to get popular already.*
**[11:27] Ume**
*We're the ones who suffer if you don't!*
**[11:38] Chiba**
Well...
**[11:39] Iyami**
Let's go get some food.
**[11:43] Both**
Like we could!
***SIGN*** End
**[11:50] Nar**
Once upon a time, there was
a very straightforward maid
**[11:54] Nar**
who could only say exactly
what she was thinking.
***SIGN*** "Totoderella"
**[12:00] Choro**
Totoderella!
**[12:02] Todo**
Totoderella!
**[12:03] Toto**
Here!
**[12:04] Choro**
Totoderella!
**[12:06] Choro**
Took you long enough!
**[12:07] Todo**
You're useless! What is this breakfast?
**[12:10] Choro**
It's too hard!
**[12:11] Todo**
It's cold!
**[12:12] Choro**
It tastes awful!
**[12:14] Todo**
You're not cute at all!
**[12:16] Choro**
Are you listening?! Say something!
**[12:20] Toto**
God, you two are ugly.
**[12:30] Toto**
What did you just say?!
Who do you think you are?!
**[12:34] Oso**
What's all this fuss about?
**[12:36] Both**
Mother!
**[12:40] Choro**
Totoderella's so mean to us!
**[12:41] Todo**
She's just awful!
**[12:43] Oso**
Totoderella! What did you do to
my adorable little daughters?
**[12:46] Oso**
Don't make me kick you out! Say something!
**[12:49] Toto**
God, you're ugly.
**[13:02] Oso**
Get all this laundry done today.
**[13:05] Oso**
Got it?
**[13:23] Choro**
Totoderella, what do you think you're doing?
**[13:25] Toto**
The laundry.
**[13:26] todo**
Is that how you wash it?!
**[13:28] Toto**
Oh, my goodness! How could I?
**[13:31] Toto**
But I just couldn't get
motivated to do this.
**[13:33] Toto**
I mean, no matter how clean I get them,
**[13:35] Toto**
if you uggos are the ones wearing them...
**[13:49] Todo**
Wash them properly!
**[13:50] Toto**
Okay, I will.
**[13:51] Todo**
I need to look beautiful in them.
**[13:53] Toto**
Okay.
**[13:55] Todo**
Totoderella!
**[13:58] Toto**
Become beautiful! Become beautiful!
**[13:58] Todo**
Stop!
**[13:59] Choro**
Someone help!
**[14:02] Oso**
Oh, my!
**[14:04] Both**
What's the matter, Mother?
**[14:05] Oso**
This says there's a ball at the castle today.
**[14:08] Both**
A ball?
**[14:09] Oso**
The prince will be looking
for his future bride there.
**[14:15] Choro**
The prince is looking for me!
**[14:17] Todo**
He's looking for me!
**[14:19] Choro**
I'm right here! Come find me!
**[14:21] Todo**
Eat me up!
**[14:32] Choro**
See?
**[14:34] Todo**
I look beautiful, don't I?
**[14:36] Toto**
Wow.. Just wow.
**[14:38] Choro**
Just so you know, Totoderella,
you're not allowed to come to the ball.
**[14:42] Todo**
You get to stay home.
**[14:43] Choro**
Stupid.
**[14:44] Todo**
Moron.
**[14:49] Toto**
I wonder if they ended up ugly on the inside
because they're so ugly on the outside, too.
**[14:53] Toto**
Or did they end up so ugly on the outside
because they're so ugly on the inside?
**[14:58] Toto**
I wonder where the ugly starts.
I have no idea.
**[15:02] Toto**
A ball... I sort of wish I could go.
**[15:06] Toto**
Well, whatever.
**[15:10] Toto**
Wh-Who are you?
**[15:12] Jyushi**
Your Fairy Godmatsu.
**[15:14] Toto**
Fairy Godmatsu?
**[15:15] Jyushi**
My poor little Totoderella.
**[15:17] Jyushi**
You must really want to go to that ball.
**[15:20] Toto**
Huh? Not really...
**[15:21] Jyushi**
I shall grant that wish for you!
**[15:24] Jyushi**
Let's go! Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
**[15:34] Jyushi**
Bibidi Babidi Shi!
**[15:40] Jyushi**
Bibidi Jyu! Bibidi Shi!
**[15:42] Jyushi**
Jyu! Shi! Jyushi!
**[15:48] Jyu**
There you go. You can go to the
ball now! You must be so happy.
**[15:52] Jyu**
Now, run along.
**[15:56] Jyushi**
What's the matter, Totoderella?
**[15:58] Toto**
A carriage, huh? Those shake a lot,
don't they? And they're pretty slow.
**[16:02] Jyushi**
You're complaining? Seriously?
**[16:04] Toto**
Could I get a taxi instead?
**[16:06] Jyushi**
A taxi?
**[16:07] Toto**
They look like this. Do you
know what I'm talking about?
**[16:09] Toto**
They're about this big.
**[16:12] Jyushi**
I mean, yeah. And they're super
spacious and comfy inside.
**[16:15] Toto**
I'm not sure how I feel about it
being a former pumpkin, either.
**[16:18] Toto**
And that horse and that
person used to be mice.
**[16:21] Toto**
I mean, thanks, I guess...
but what if you were in my shoes?
**[16:25] Toto**
Wouldn't it bug you that they were
a former pumpkin and former mice?
**[16:29] Toto**
And this dress is just so... expected.
Could I get a different design?
**[16:34] Jyushi**
What? You want a different dress?
**[16:36] Toto**
Yes.
**[16:39] Jyushi**
Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
**[16:41] Toto**
Hmm...
**[16:43] Jyushi**
Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
**[16:45] Toto**
Nah...
**[16:46] Jyushi**
Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
**[16:48] Toto**
Get a clue!
**[16:49] Jyushi**
Bibidi Jyu!
**[16:51] Jyushi**
Bibidi Shi!
**[16:52] Jyushi**
Jyu! Shi!
**[16:54] Jyushi**
Jyushi! Jyushi!
**[16:58] Jyushi**
I-I used up so much magic...
it took years off my life!
**[17:03] Toto**
That's enough, Fairy Godmatsu.
Thanks. I'll figure it out.
**[17:25] Girl**
What in the world? What's she doing here?
**[17:28] Girl**
She has some nerve coming
here looking like that.
**[17:32] Toto**
Wow! It's a zoo full of uggos! Score!
**[17:36] Oso**
Totoderella!
**[17:38] Choro**
What are you doing?!
**[17:39] Todo**
Go home!
**[17:46] Deka**
Prince, you need to choose
a bride from that lot.
**[17:49] Nya**
What?!
**[17:52] Nya**
F-From these?
**[17:55] Dayon**
Did you find anyone to your liking?
**[17:58] Nya**
Yikes, I dunno...
**[18:02] Nya**
Who's that?
**[18:06] Nya**
Stop that!
**[18:08] All**
P-Prince Nyaa!
**[18:10] Nya**
Are you all right?
**[18:12] Toto**
What do you mean?
**[18:14] Nya**
What's your name?
**[18:15] Toto**
What's yours?
**[18:17] Nya**
I'm the prince of this kingdom, Prince Nyaa.
**[18:20] Toto**
I'm Totoderella.
**[18:21] Nya**
You have a very lovely face.
**[18:23] Toto**
I know.
**[18:24] Nya**
You're beautiful.
**[18:25] Toto**
I know.
**[18:26] Nya**
You're nothing like those commoners.
**[18:28] Toto**
I know.
**[18:29] Nya**
May I have this dance?
**[18:30] Toto**
Sure, I guess.
**[18:52] Deka**
Looks like he found his bride.
**[18:54] Dayon**
Thank goodness!
**[18:55] Choro**
I'm so mad!
**[18:57] Todo**
I'm so pissed!
**[18:59] Oso**
Stop that, you two!
**[19:04] Nya**
Now, let's go.
**[19:06] Toto**
Huh? W-Wait a sec.
**[19:08] Nya**
What's the matter?
**[19:09] Toto**
Don't give me that.
**[19:11] Toto**
Where are you dragging me off to?
Seriously, what's your deal?
**[19:14] Toto**
It's been bugging me that you think
I should be happy about all this.
**[19:20] Nya**
But... I'm a prince, and I took a liking to you.
**[19:23] Nya**
Because you're not like these other uggos.
**[19:27] Toto**
Should you really be calling them uggos?
**[19:31] Toto**
I mean, they're all here because
you invited them, right?
**[19:33] Toto**
And you have the nerve to
call them uggos? Really?
**[19:36] Toto**
Are you stupid or something?
**[19:38] Oso**
T-Totoderella!
**[19:40] Toto**
What even is a ball, anyway?
**[19:42] Toto**
You gathered all these people
here to... what? Show off?
**[19:45] Toto**
Like, "Look how awesome I am!"
**[19:47] Toto**
God, you're lame. Compensating much?
**[19:49] Both**
Totoderella?!
**[19:50] Toto**
A moron calls and the uggos come running!
**[19:54] Toto**
Is this kingdom really okay?!
**[19:57] Deka**
Th-That's very rude!
**[19:59] Dayon**
Seize her!
**[20:10] Toto**
Don't get the wrong idea.
**[20:12] Toto**
I'm the one who's going
to choose here. And you...
**[20:16] Toto**
are on the side to get chosen!
**[20:22] Toto**
Yup, keep it coming. I need to see
just how loaded you are as a prince.
**[20:29] Toto**
Yup, yup.
**[20:30] Toto**
Yup, yup.
**[20:32] Toto**
Yup, yup.
**[20:35] Toto**
Wow! I guess you really are a prince.
**[20:40] Toto**
Not bad!
**[20:42] Nya**
Well, Totoderella?
**[20:44] Nya**
Will you accept me now?
**[20:45] Toto**
Yes! You're wonderful!
**[20:48] Nya**
Let's go, then.
**[20:50] Toto**
Okay!
**[21:01] Toto**
Oh, it's 8 PM. I have to go home.
**[21:03] All**
What?!
**[21:04] Nya**
You're going home at 8 PM?
Isn't it a bit early?
**[21:06] Toto**
Well, I've got my skincare routine.
**[21:08] Toto**
What? You were just about to say
that my skin is always flawless?
**[21:12] Toto**
Why, thank you.
**[21:14] Toto**
Bye, now.
**[21:15] Toto**
Peace out, scrubs. I'm gonna use
this money to create a new kingdom!
**[21:20] Toto**
Later!
**[21:21] Deka**
She ran!
**[21:22] Dayon**
Seize her!
**[21:26] All**
Totoderella!
**[21:42] Toto**
Oh, well.
**[21:43] Deka**
Hold it!
**[21:47] Toto**
You'll never catch me!
**[21:58] Nya**
Damn it!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:35] Ichi**
Ichimatsu here.
**[23:37] Ichi**
Next time on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "Hide-and-Seek."
**[23:39] Ichi**
We're not talking about the hide-and-seek
where you want to hide IRL
**[23:45] Ichi**
and be at least a little visible online.
**[23:47] Ichi**
We're talking about adults going
all-out playing hide-and-seek.
***SIGN*** "Hide-and-Seek" etc.
**[23:50] Ichi**
That itself is a pain.
**[23:52] Ichi**
Tune in and shit.
# E22 - Hide-and-Seek
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GJWU2MK0P/hide-and-seek)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "I Found This"
**[00:13] Kara**
Everybody, thank you! Perfect guy!
**[00:16] Jyushi**
Karamatsu-niisan.
**[00:18] Kara**
Oh, Brother! What's the matter?
**[00:21] Jyushi**
I found a 100-yen coin.
**[00:22] Kara**
Wow!
**[00:23] Jyushi**
What do you think I should do with it?
**[00:26] Kara**
Hm? Whatever do you mean?
**[00:29] Jyushi**
I mean, I know I found it, but...
**[00:33] Jyushi**
Is it okay if I, like... h-have it now?
***SIGN*** Reiwa Year 2
**[00:41] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[00:43] Kara**
Whenever you find a lost item, you take
it to a police box. That's common sense.
**[00:49] Jyushi**
Oh, right... Of course.
**[00:51] Kara**
At least, that's what a
normie-sized guy would say.
**[00:54] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[00:55] Kara**
Things are different when
you're a guy my size.
**[00:58] Kara**
Rather than worrying about the duty
of taking it to the police box,
**[01:00] Kara**
it's more important to think
of the ones involved here.
**[01:04] Kara**
Jyushimatsu. Whose feelings should
you prioritize in this situation?
***SIGN*** Japan
**[01:10] Jyushi**
The person who dropped
this 100-yen coin, right?
**[01:13] Jyushi**
They must be struggling!
**[01:15] Jyushi**
Okay, I'll take it to the police box.
**[01:17] Kara**
That's what a normie-sized guy would say.
**[01:20] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[01:21] Kara**
When you're a navy-sized guy like
myself, it doesn't roll like that.
**[01:24] Jyushi**
A navy what?
**[01:25] Kara**
The one you should think about
the most right now, Jyushimatsu...
**[01:32] Kara**
is this 100-yen coin and how it feels!
**[01:37] Kara**
This poor thing was dropped by its owner.
**[01:40] Kara**
Can you imagine the loneliness...
the anguish it must've felt?!
**[01:42] Kara**
And you were the one who
found it, Jyushimatsu!
**[01:47] Kara**
With your gentle hands!
**[01:50] Kara**
The world may look down on you,
but this is how I feel!
**[01:54] Kara**
Putting this in your gentle
hands, since you found it,
**[01:58] Kara**
is also... a form of love!
**[02:05] Jyushi**
Th-Thanks, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:08] Kara**
Don't mention it.
**[02:12] Jyushi**
But taking it to the police box is
common sense, so I'll just do that.
***SIGN*** End
**[02:15] Kara**
Wha?!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Yowai Totoko
***SIGN*** Busujima Dobuko
***SIGN*** Matsuno Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Peace Reigns Over the Land
***SIGN*** Matsuno Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Matsuno Karamatsu
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Wannabe Detectives
**[04:37] Toto**
Hey, give that back!
**[04:53] Oso**
Jyushi.
**[04:54] Jyushi**
'Sup, Oso?
**[04:55] Oso**
Are you even taking our job seriously?
**[04:58] Oso**
You came into work way too late today.
***SIGN*** Gratitude
**[05:00] Jyushi**
Well, well... I guess you
haven't heard, Osoyama-kun.
**[05:04] Jyushi**
You're supposed to arrive a little late
**[05:06] Jyushi**
when you're the star of the show.
**[05:10] Oso**
Oh, good grief.
**[05:13] Jyushi**
More importantly, Oso,
are you sure you're awake?
***SIGN*** Ginseikai Inner Turmoil
**[05:18] Jyushi**
Your paper's upside-down.
**[05:20] Oso**
Even if it wasn't upside-down,
I can't read it anyway.
**[05:25] Jyushi**
Whoo, good grief.
**[05:26] Oso**
Jyushi, you're spilling your coffee.
**[05:29] Jyushi**
It doesn't matter.
**[05:31] Jyushi**
Oso, you've got snot
coming out of your nose.
**[05:32] Oso**
It doeshn't maffer.
**[05:36] Both**
It doesn't matter.
**[05:42] Choro**
What?! Guys, there's a case!
***SIGN*** An incident?
***SIGN*** What?
**[05:47] Oso**
Heh, good grief.
**[05:49] Oso**
Looks like we're up again, Jyushi.
**[05:51] Oso**
If we've got time to nab a criminal,
I'd prefer to nab a cute little lady.
**[05:55] Jyushi**
What can we do, Oso?
**[05:59] Oso**
So what's the sitch?
**[06:00] Sign**
Chief
**[06:01] Oso**
What's the sitch?
**[06:04] Oso**
What's the sitch? What happened?
What're we looking at here?
**[06:09] Oso**
Hey, where're you going? What happened?
What're we looking at?
**[06:12] Oso**
Hey!
**[06:18] Both**
Heh, good grief.
**[06:25] Jyushi**
Heya, Minato 106 here.
**[06:26] Oso**
You're speaking with Dandy Osoyama.
**[06:28] Jyushi**
Hey, Dandy Osoyama. Sexy Jyushita here.
**[06:32] Oso**
Sexy Jyushita, I have
some hot news for you.
**[06:35] Oso**
They never told us what we're dealing with,
so I have no idea where to go.
**[06:40] Jyushi**
Same here.
**[06:41] Oso**
What?
**[06:45] Oso**
That perp bastard.
**[06:47] Jyushi**
They won't get away with this!
**[06:48] Oso**
We're gonna catch them.
**[06:51] Jyushi**
No one's gotten away from us before.
**[06:55] Both**
Other than the ladies.
**[06:58] Jyushi**
Yeah.
**[07:01] Toto**
*Minato 103 here, to all units.*
**[07:03] Toto**
Looks like the perps ran into one
of the warehouses on Akatsuka Wharf.
**[07:06] Toto**
Requesting immediate backup!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[07:09] Oso**
Looks like our perps have shown up.
**[07:13] Jyushi**
Like a moth to a flame.
**[07:15] Oso**
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
**[07:17] Jyushi**
Bring the contents to a boil.
**[07:19] Oso**
Shoyu, rayu, I love you.
**[07:21] Jyushi**
"Getsu Getsu Ka Sui Moku Kin Kin."
**[07:23] Oso**
Gondou, Gondou, rain, Gondou.
**[07:25] Jyushi**
Coo, coo, coo, pigeon, coo, coo.
**[07:27] Choro**
*Osoyama and Jyushita!*
**[07:30] Choro**
You two better not come to the scene,
you worthless pieces of shit!
**[07:36] Oso**
The lady doth protest too much.
**[07:38] Jyushi**
Ecchi, sketchy, one touch!
**[07:40] Oso**
Sine, cosine, tangent.
**[07:42] Jyushi**
Guys are about guts.
**[07:43] Oso**
Girls are about cuteness.
**[07:44] Both**
Sing, nightingale, Heian-kyo.
**[07:47] Jyushi**
Let's go!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[08:01] Oso**
This must be it.
**[08:02] Jyushi**
Yeah.
**[08:12] Choro**
Great work, everyone!
***SIGN*** Dumbasses!
***SIGN*** Abunai Deka
***SIGN*** Brothers' Fishing Big Haul
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[09:54] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[09:55] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[09:57] Jyushi**
Hang in there, Oso!
**[09:59] Oso**
H-Hurry... Catch the perp...
**[10:02] Jyushi**
Don't speak. Did you get
knocked in the head? Damn it!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[10:06] Oso**
I'm not... going to make it.
**[10:09] Jyushi**
Don't say things like that!
**[10:11] Oso**
Jyushi... I'm glad we were partners.
**[10:18] Oso**
Well, this the first time I've ever
made someone who wasn't a girl cry.
**[10:23] Jyushi**
Oso...
**[10:24] Oso**
Go... Go, Jyushi.
**[10:29] oso**
Guys are about guts.
**[10:31] jyushi**
Girls are about cuteness.
**[10:33] oso**
Sing, nightingale, Heian-kyo.
**[10:39] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[10:43] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[10:57] Oso**
Jyushi!
**[10:58] Oso**
Jyushi, hang in there!
**[11:00] Oso**
Jyushi!
**[11:02] Jyushi**
Oso... I'm glad we were partners.
**[11:07] Jyushi**
Well, this the first time I've ever
made someone who wasn't a girl cry.
**[11:14] Oso**
Jyu... Jyushi!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[11:20] Oso**
Bang!
**[11:22] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[11:25] Jyushi**
Oso!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[11:31] Oso**
Jyushi!
**[11:34] Oso**
Jyushi!
***SIGN*** No Smoking
**[11:36] Oso**
Jyushi is... Jyushi!
**[11:50] Jyushi**
Dandy!
**[11:51] Oso**
Sexy!
**[11:53] Jyushi**
Dandy!
**[11:55] Oso**
Sexy!
**[11:58] Jyushi**
Oso!
**[11:58] Oso**
Jyushi!
**[11:59] Both**
This is so much fun!
**[12:03] Todo**
How long are you gonna keep this up?!
**[12:05] Choro**
Don't make me fire you!
**[12:07] Both**
It doesn't matter!
**[12:11] Jyushi**
Oso! Hang in there, Oso!
***SIGN*** Die already
**[12:13] Jyushi**
Oso!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Hide-and-Seek"
**[12:21] Oso**
All right, jerks.
**[12:23] Oso**
Let's play a little game of hide-and-seek.
**[12:26] All**
Aye.
**[12:27] Choro**
Why are we making this so ominous?
**[12:30] Choro**
Hide-and-seek? But we're adults.
**[12:32] Kara**
The most important thing for us NEETs...
**[12:35] Kara**
is to kill time!
**[12:37] Kara**
But we cannot spend any money!
**[12:40] Kara**
Which leads us to...
**[12:42] All**
Hide-and-seek!
**[12:44] Choro**
Really, though?
**[12:45] Mom**
Let's decide who's it!
**[12:47] Choro**
You're playing, too, Mom?!
**[12:49] All**
Rock, paper, scissors!
**[12:52] All**
One more time!
**[12:54] All**
One more time!
**[12:56] Jyushi**
That settles it!
**[12:58] Mom**
Everyone, hide!
**[13:04] Choro**
One... two... three...
four... five... six...
**[13:11] Choro**
seven... eight... Are you ready?
**[13:15] All**
Not just yet!
**[13:18] Choro**
Are you ready?
**[13:20] All**
We sure are!
**[13:24] Choro**
I'm gonna find all of them if it kills me.
**[13:26] Choro**
Choro-chan's not gonna
lose to the likes of you!
**[13:33] Choro**
Hide, you jackass! It's *hide*-and-seek!
**[13:36] Kara**
My stars! It appears
that I have been found!
**[13:39] Choro**
You came here to be found.
**[13:41] Choro**
Start over, and actually hide this time!
**[13:43] Choro**
This is hide-and-seek!
**[13:44] Kara**
Okay!
**[13:47] Choro**
Are you ready?
**[13:54] Kara**
Looks like you've found me yet again!
**[13:56] Kara**
I'm so overflowing with star
potential that it's impossible
**[13:59] Kara**
for me to hide, even if I try!
**[14:00] Kara**
Matsuno Karamatsu in "Hide-and-Seek."
**[14:03] Kara**
Thank you!
**[14:04] Choro**
Yeah, this isn't for you.
You don't need to join in.
**[14:09] Choro**
Huh?
**[14:10] Choro**
Hide, damn it! This is hide-and-seek!
**[14:12] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:13] Choro**
What are you doing, Totty?
**[14:15] Todo**
I got bored. You guys can
keep playing. Do your best.
**[14:19] Kara**
Hey, Brother!
**[14:21] Kara**
I'm right here! Hurry up and find me!
**[14:24] Choro**
*Hide*, damn it!
**[14:34] Choro**
Never mind. I guess I'll go
after the hardcore players.
**[14:36] Choro**
I'm gonna find them...
**[14:43] ---**
Huh?
**[14:47] Kara**
What's up?
**[14:48] Choro**
I feel a presence.
**[14:51] Todo**
It's probably Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[14:52] Todo**
He can completely conceal his
presence when he wants to.
**[14:56] Choro**
Really? That's not fair.
**[14:58] Kara**
Ichimatsu? Are you here?
**[15:01] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[15:04] Choro**
Ichimatsu?
**[15:07] Kara**
Ichimatsu? Where are you?
**[15:11] Ichi**
*Really? Do they really not notice me?*
**[15:14] Ichi**
*I'm starting to feel sorta sad.*
**[15:16] Ichi**
*Hey! I'm right here!*
**[15:18] Ichi**
*Right here! Here!*
**[15:19] Ichi**
*Ichimatsu is right here!*
**[15:21] Ichi**
*I'm right here! Hey! Hurry up and find me!*
**[15:24] Ichi**
* I love hiding and I'm good at it,*
* but I don't want to actually disappear!*
**[15:29] Ichi**
*Matsuno Ichimatsu is right here!*
**[15:33] Ichi**
*Wait! Find me!*
**[15:35] Ichi**
*Ichimatsu is right here...*
**[15:40] Todo**
Hey, it's Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:41] Choro**
Found you!
**[15:42] All**
Yay!
**[15:44] Ichi**
Thank goodness...
**[15:45] All**
Huh?
**[15:46] Ichi**
Thank you all for finding me...
**[15:49] Choro**
What's wrong? Why are you thanking us?
**[15:51] Ichi**
Thanks for finding me. I'm never
playing hide-and-seek again.
**[15:55] Kara**
What's gotten into you? What happened?
**[15:59] Todo**
What's that?
**[16:01] Todo**
It's from Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[16:05] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan says he's
hiding somewhere over here.
**[16:08] Kara**
Really? He's telling us that much?
**[16:11] Ichi**
He likes hiding, but he wants to
be found. He's like a little kid.
**[16:15] Todo**
Like you can talk.
**[16:17] Choro**
Jeez, where is he?
Let's look for him together.
**[16:20] All**
Yeah, let's all find him together.
**[16:32] Choro**
I have no idea.
**[16:34] Kara**
Jyushimatsu, we give up. Come on out.
**[16:36] Jyushi**
'Kay!
**[16:37] Jyushi**
I was right here!
**[16:38] Choro**
There's no way we'd get that!
**[16:39] Todo**
That's not fair! Give us
back the time we wasted!
**[16:41] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu, one more time.
**[16:43] Jyushi**
'Kay!
**[16:45] Choro**
Let's all look together!
**[16:47] All**
Where's Jyushimatsu?
**[16:53] Ichi**
Is he really here?
**[16:56] Kara**
Where is he?
**[17:00] Todo**
No idea!
**[17:01] Kara**
Jyushimatsu, we give up. Come on out.
**[17:04] Jyushi**
'Kay!
**[17:05] Jyushi**
I was right here!
**[17:06] Choro**
There's no way we'd get that!
**[17:07] Todo**
That's not fair!
**[17:08] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu, one more time.
**[17:10] Ichi**
'Kay.
**[17:20] Jyushi**
I was right here!
**[17:21] Choro**
We can't tell, damn it!
**[17:25] All**
*He's so...*
**[17:30] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu? What's wrong?
**[17:32] Ichi**
He's dead...
**[17:33] Choro**
Wait, you're kidding,
right? Out of nowhere?!
**[17:37] Todo**
That voice... It's Mom!
**[17:39] Mom**
When playing hide-and-seek,
**[17:40] Mom**
it doesn't have to mean the ones
who are hiding are always the hunted!
**[17:45] Mom**
Have a taste of what it
feels like to be hunted!
**[17:49] Kara**
What are you talking about, Mom?!
**[17:50] Ichi**
What it feels like to be hunted?
**[17:58] Kara**
She's definitely here,
**[17:59] Kara**
but we can't see her!
**[18:01] Ichi**
Hey, that's—
**[18:05] Ichi**
Karamatsu! This is bad!
Karamatsu got hunted, too!
**[18:26] Choro**
Take this!
**[18:32] Mom**
Aw, you found me.
**[18:34] Choro**
Yeah, of course. I figured this
was what you were up to.
**[18:39] Ichi**
So Osomatsu is the only one left.
**[18:41] Choro**
Yeah.
**[18:41] Kara**
Well, he wasn't at home.
Where the hell is he hiding?
**[18:45] Jyushi**
Hang on.
**[18:48] Jyushi**
Totty's gone.
**[18:49] All**
What?
***SIGN*** Search for Totty!
**[18:51] Totty**
Search for Totty!
**[18:53] Choro**
Uh, something just popped
up. The hell is this?
***SIGN*** Park
**[19:00] Choro**
The park? Level 5? Huh?
**[19:05] Choro**
So Totty's here somewhere?
**[19:08] Ichi**
I found him.
**[19:09] Kara**
Me, too.
**[19:09] Jyushi**
Me, too!
**[19:12] Choro**
Oh, I got it! There he is!
**[19:14] Choro**
Did you all find him, too?
Let's all call his name!
**[19:17] Choro**
Ready, and...
**[19:19] All**
Totty!
**[19:21] Todo**
Here!
**[19:26] Ichi**
He's really going all-out.
**[19:28] Jyushi**
That's not like him.
***SIGN*** Search for Totty!
**[19:31] Totty**
Search for Totty!
**[19:32] Choro**
We're still doing this?
***SIGN*** Cabbage Patch
**[19:38] Choro**
Cabbage patch, level 40?
**[19:44] All**
That's hard!
**[19:45] kara**
This one's hardcore!
**[19:46] Jyushi**
Wait, where is he?
**[19:51] Choro**
Ready, and...
**[19:52] All**
Totty!
**[19:56] Todo**
Here!
**[20:01] Ichi**
Man, Totty's giving it his all this time.
**[20:04] Jyushi**
Thanks, Totty.
***SIGN*** Search for Totty!
**[20:06] Totty**
Search for Totty!
**[20:08] Choro**
That's enough. It's a pain in the ass
to keep going to different locations.
***SIGN*** Mt. Takao
**[20:16] Choro**
Mt. Takao?!
**[20:17] All**
What?!
***SIGN*** Lifts
**[20:28] All**
Totty!
**[20:31] Sign**
Lifts
**[20:31] Totty**
Hey! Totty!
***SIGN*** Totty!
**[20:34] All**
Right.
**[20:35] Ichi**
I'm beat. Let's go home.
**[20:37] Todo**
Wait!
**[20:38] Todo**
We forgot about Osomatsu-niisan.
**[20:40] Choro**
Where the hell is he hiding?
**[20:42] Todo**
I guess he's at the horse races.
**[20:44] All**
The horse races?
**[20:46] Choro**
What?!
**[20:48] Choro**
The hell?! He's somewhere in here?
**[20:50] Kara**
How did he prep this?
**[20:57] Ichi**
Where is he?
**[20:58] Jyushi**
Where?!
**[20:59] Todo**
How many people are here, anyway?
**[21:02] Kara**
I hear there's about 300.
**[21:03] Todo**
That many?! Wow, who drew all these people?
**[21:06] Choro**
Wait. Don't saw "drew."
**[21:08] Jyushi**
Apparently, they offered ******
compared to the usual key art rate.
**[21:11] All**
Wow...
**[21:13] Todo**
Man, animators have it rough.
Seriously, thanks for everything you do.
**[21:17] All**
Thanks, guys!
**[21:19] Ichi**
But what about the people watching
this on their smartphones?
**[21:23] Ichi**
This would be even tinier.
**[21:25] Jyushi**
True.
**[21:25] Choro**
Make sure you don't strain
your eyes, everyone.
**[21:28] Ichi**
Who the hell cares if we
find Osomatsu or not?
**[21:30] Kara**
Yeah, who cares? Your eyes
are far more important!
**[21:34] Oso**
I'm right here!
**[21:35] Jyushi**
Hey, I hear him.
**[21:36] Choro**
Where are you?
**[21:38] Oso**
Right here!
**[21:39] All**
Where?
**[21:40] Oso**
Hurry up and find me.
**[21:41] All**
What a pain in the ass!
**[21:43] Kara**
Just tell us already!
**[21:49] Todo**
Uh, stop laughing!
**[21:51] Jyushi**
Hey! It says "End"!
***SIGN*** End
**[21:52] Kara**
Wait! You can't just end like this!
**[21:54] Kara**
Tell us where you are, Osomatsu!
**[21:56] Ichi**
How are we gonna sleep?
**[21:57] Choro**
Come on!
**[21:58] Oso**
Oh, and I guess Dad was hiding
somewhere in this episode, too.
**[22:03] Jyushi**
Why are you telling us that now?!
**[22:05] Todo**
Don't wait until it's almost over!
**[22:06] Oso**
Five places.
**[22:07] Todo**
That's a lot!
**[22:08] Kara**
Where was he hiding?
**[22:10] Choro**
And where the hell are *you*?!
**[22:12] Oso**
See ya!
**[22:14] All**
Hey, damn it!
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:46] Jyushi**
Next time on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "Friend."
**[23:49] Jyushi**
Not to be confused with
the bird holding the leek.
***SIGN*** "Friend" etc.
**[23:52] Jyushi**
What?!
# E23 - Friend
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GN7UDZ015/friend)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:11] Announcer**
Welcome to NEWS MATSU.
**[00:14] Announcer**
Here's our first story.
**[00:16] Announcer**
The third season of the anime
*Mr. Osomatsu* is coming to a close,
***SIGN*** Anime Mr. Osomatsu Contract Renewals
**[00:20] Announcer**
so the leading stars of the show are negotiating their contract renewals
**[00:23] Announcer**
for next season with the
production committee.
**[00:26] Guy**
How much each star shone will
come under scrutiny during these
**[00:29] Guy**
contract renewal talks.
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[00:31] Guy**
Let's see how talks went
for Matsuno Osomatsu.
***SIGN*** On Hold 60,000 yen | 53,000 yen (estimated)
**[00:35] Oso**
I'm gonna be completely honest here.
They don't think highly of me at all.
**[00:39] Oso**
If they lower my yearly salary this much,
**[00:41] Oso**
there's no way I can go all
out at the horse races!
**[00:43] Oso**
I mean, I have a family, you know!
**[00:45] Oso**
Not that I spend any money on them,
but I still need to protect them!
**[00:50] Oso**
Not that I spend any money on them!
**[00:52] Oso**
I've done three seasons, become the
eldest brother everyone loves,
**[00:55] Oso**
and this is all I get? Hell no!
**[00:58] Oso**
I'm not backing down this year.
**[01:01] Guy**
How did things go for Matsuno Todomatsu?
**[01:02] Todo**
God, they piss me off!
***SIGN*** On Hold 61,000 yen | 54,000 yen (estimated)
**[01:04] Todo**
I've got nothing to say.
**[01:06] Todo**
That's way too low!
**[01:07] Todo**
If this is all I'm getting after playing
the youngest brother this long,
**[01:12] Todo**
what even is the point?
**[01:14] Todo**
They don't get how much popularity
my cuteness brought this series.
**[01:17] Todo**
Totty's totes pissed.
**[01:19] Todo**
I wanna go to Softbank! I want 500 million!
***SIGN*** Signed 1,200,000 yen | 4,800,000 yen (estimated)
**[01:24] Guy**
How did things go for the rookies
of this season, the Riceballs?
**[01:27] Both**
Our pay went up!
**[01:28] Ume**
We signed immediately.
**[01:30] Shake**
We'll see you next season!
**[01:32] Guy**
As for Matsuno Choromatsu...
***SIGN*** On Hold 65,000 yen | 58,000 yen (estimated)
**[01:35] Choro**
Sign? Hell no! I deferred!
**[01:38] Choro**
I'm not going to retort if
this is all I'm getting paid!
**[01:41] Choro**
They keep talking about good faith here,
**[01:43] Choro**
but the only thing that talks in this
situation is money. You get that, right?
**[01:46] Choro**
Money, yen! Gimme money!
**[01:48] Choro**
Money, money, money, money,
money, money, gimme money!
**[01:54] Guy**
Next up is Matsuno Ichimatsu.
***SIGN*** Signed 23,000 yen | 4,000 yen (estimated)
**[01:59] Reporter**
You seem to have signed immediately
despite your rate going down significantly.
**[02:03] Reporter**
Why is that?
**[02:04] Ichi**
B-Before I knew it, I just...
**[02:07] Reporter**
Are you satisfied with your deal?
**[02:10] Reporter**
Your rates go down each year
and you keep signing instantly.
**[02:15] Reporter**
Are you all right?
**[02:21] Ichi**
Please kill me.
**[02:23] Reporter**
Huh?
**[02:24] Guy**
As for Yowai Totoko...
**[02:25] Totoko**
I signed!
***SIGN*** Signed 81,000,000 yen | 165,000,000 yen (estimated)
**[02:27] Totoko**
How much did I get? 165 mil!
**[02:32] Guy**
Next up is Matsuno Jyushimatsu.
**[02:34] Jyushi**
I did not sign today.
***SIGN*** On Hold 61,000 yen | 54,000 yen (estimated)
**[02:36] Jyushi**
I didn't get to play in many games this year,
**[02:39] Jyushi**
but I wish they would've
acknowledged me more.
**[02:42] Jyushi**
I mean, I was batting .280,
**[02:44] Jyushi**
but I didn't get enough at-bats to qualify.
**[02:46] Jyushi**
I was careful about walking batters,
though they were all third-tier matches.
**[02:50] Jyushi**
And I missed a lot of signs, and I let
the ball fly between my legs a lot,
**[02:53] Jyushi**
and whenever I challenged the
ump's call, it ended in failure.
**[02:56] Jyushi**
and I had 16 Tommy John surgeries...
**[02:58] Reporter**
Er, excuse me...
**[03:00] Jyushi**
Huh?
**[03:01] Reporter**
Are you talking about baseball?
**[03:02] Jyushi**
Yup! I sure am talking about baseball!
**[03:05] Guy**
And lastly, Matsuno Karamatsu.
**[03:09] Kara**
I'm not promoting jack shit. Screw all of you.
**[03:12] Kara**
I'm not showing up in anything.
***SIGN*** On Hold 60,000 yen | 53,000 yen (estimated)
**[03:14] Kara**
We're helping you promote
this show to make it a hit,
**[03:17] Kara**
and if we're not getting
anything once it *is* a hit,
**[03:20] Kara**
what the hell is our
motivation supposed to be?!
**[03:22] Kara**
Well? Well?!
**[03:25] Kara**
I'm definitely not in the wrong here!
**[03:27] All**
You tell 'em, Karamatsu!
**[03:29] Kara**
Give us royalties, too!
**[03:30] All**
Yeah! Yeah!
**[03:32] Kara**
Give us bonuses!
**[03:33] All**
Yeah! Yeah!
**[03:34] Kara**
We can't buy any fancy cars like this!
***SIGN*** Anime Mr. Osomatsu Contract Renewals
**[03:39] Lady**
Looks like things went
badly again this year.
**[03:42] Lady**
The next season may be in danger.
**[03:44] All**
Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Toukyuu
***SIGN*** "Shopping"
**[05:21] Jyushi**
What are you guys buying today?
**[05:25] Todo**
I'm thinking something suited for spring.
**[05:26] Choro**
Same. I hope I find something
with a bright feel.
**[05:29] Jyushi**
What about you, Karamatsu-niisan?
**[05:31] Kara**
I'm thinking about changing
up my image a bit.
**[05:33] Jyushi**
Seriously?
**[05:35] Kara**
I might be feeling adventurous today.
**[05:36] Jyushi**
What?
**[05:38] Todo**
What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[05:40] Ichi**
Something normal.
**[05:41] Todo**
What would you consider normal?
**[05:43] Ichi**
Something plain that doesn't stand out.
**[05:45] Todo**
Oh, I see.
**[05:46] Oso**
Well, we won't know what they
have until we get there.
**[05:50] Todo**
Yeah, you never know what it
actually looks like online.
**[05:53] Kara**
I hope we all find something
nice today, brothers.
**[05:55] Choro**
Yeah.
**[06:18] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[06:20] Todo**
I think this would look great on you.
**[06:22] Ichi**
Really? Isn't it too flashy?
**[06:23] Todo**
No way! You'll look great in it!
**[06:26] Ichi**
I was thinking about this one.
**[06:28] Todo**
That's way too plain. Go for this one.
**[06:29] Ichi**
Really? I've never worn
something like this before.
**[06:33] Ichi**
It might look good on me,
but I wouldn't be comfortable in it.
**[06:36] Todo**
Yeah, I guess I can see that. Okay...
**[06:40] Kara**
Totty, can I see your smartphone?
**[06:46] Kara**
There you go.
**[06:49] Choro**
They're all good in their own way.
**[06:52] Kara**
I think this one's a nice color.
**[06:54] Choro**
Maybe this one, too.
**[06:56] Both**
Hmm... This is so hard.
**[06:59] Todo**
Did you pick something, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[07:01] Oso**
Yeah, this one.
**[07:02] Todo**
Really?
**[07:04] Todo**
Are you sure? Did you really think about it?
**[07:06] Oso**
This one was the cheapest.
**[07:07] Todo**
Nah... If it's cheap,
there's definitely a reason.
**[07:12] Todo**
See? You can see the difference, right?
**[07:17] Oso**
Oh, you're right! They're totally different!
**[07:20] Todo**
This one seems cheaper, right?
**[07:22] Oso**
Yeah, it's shoddy! Yikes!
**[07:25] Jyushi**
How's this outfit?
**[07:29] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, what the hell is that?
**[07:31] Choro**
You don't have to wear it for laughs!
**[07:33] Choro**
You can't walk outside with an
embarrassing design like that!
**[07:36] Todo**
Talk about a waste of money!
**[07:40] Kara**
What do you think?
**[07:41] Ichi**
What?
**[07:42] Kara**
Huh? It's no good?
**[07:44] Ichi**
You should go for something plainer.
**[07:45] Kara**
But this looks so cool!
**[07:47] Ichi**
It's cool on its own, but not when you wear it.
**[07:51] Kara**
But this is what I want to wear!
**[07:52] Ichi**
What you want to wear and what looks
good on you are separate things.
**[07:55] Kara**
I see.
**[07:58] Todo**
Which one should I get...
**[08:00] Todo**
Well?
**[08:01] Oso**
You look the same as usual.
**[08:03] Todo**
What about this?
**[08:04] Choro**
Go for it.
**[08:06] All**
Nope, no way.
**[08:08] Kara**
It's okay.
**[08:10] Oso**
Hey! That looks great on you!
**[08:12] Todo**
Man, it's so hard to decide!
**[08:20] Jyushi**
Excuse me!
**[08:23] Guy**
Customer number 14!
**[08:26] Jyushi**
Here!
**[08:27] Guy**
We've finished fixing your sleeves.
**[08:30] Guy**
What do you think?
**[08:32] Jyushi**
It's perfect! Thank you very much.
**[08:38] Guy**
I'll wrap them up for you.
Please wait a few minutes.
**[08:40] Todo**
Oh, no need for that.
We're going to wear them home.
**[08:46] Guy**
Thank you very much!
**[08:49] Oso**
Man, I found the perfect one!
**[08:51] Kara**
I got adventurous.
**[08:53] Jyushi**
We've got even more stuff to wear now!
***SIGN*** End
**[08:59] Sign**
Congratulations
**[09:03] Sign**
Akasaka High School
OXth Akasaka High School Graduation Ceremony
**[09:25] Tachi**
Professor.
**[09:30] Choro**
Tacchan!
**[09:36] Tachi**
It's been a while, Professor.
**[09:38] Choro**
It has. How many years has it been
since we graduated high school?
***SIGN*** "Friends"
**[09:42] Tachi**
It's definitely been a while.
**[09:44] Choro**
But you actually showed up.
**[09:46] Tachi**
Of course I did.
**[09:49] Tachi**
There's no way I could forget
what happened here on that day.
**[10:01] Choro**
Yeah.
**[10:06] Tachi**
But you sure have changed, Professor.
**[10:09] Tachi**
You're totally different from
when you were in high school.
**[10:11] Choro**
Look who's talking!
You're like an actual adult.
**[10:15] Tachi**
How are your brothers?
**[10:17] Choro**
They haven't changed.
**[10:18] Tachi**
So much happened during high school.
**[10:21] Choro**
Yeah.
**[10:24] Tachi**
Karamatsu was such a scaredy-cat.
**[10:26] (Flashback) Tachi**
Hey.
**[10:28] (Flashback) Kara**
T-Tatsunami-kun...
**[10:30] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Know where Professor is?
**[10:32] (Flashback) Kara**
Sorry! I have no idea...
**[10:34] Choro**
He got scared so easily.
He was way too quick to cry.
**[10:38] Tatsu**
Well, how I looked probably didn't help.
**[10:42] (Flashback) Girl**
Matsuno-kun.
**[10:42] (Flashback) Kara**
Yes?!
**[10:44] Kara**
Yeah, no. He's way too scared.
**[10:46] Tatsu**
Ichimatsu was hard to get along with.
**[10:49] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Know where Professor is?
**[10:50] (Flashback) Ichi**
Professor?! You must mean Choromatsu!
**[10:57] (Flashback) Ichi**
I don't know! Yay!
**[11:09] Choro**
He's trying way too hard. It hurts to watch.
**[11:12] Tatsu**
Todomatsu was super needy, like a little kid.
**[11:16] Choro**
He really is a kid.
**[11:19] Choro**
Wait. Is he getting smaller?
**[11:23] Choro**
Huh?!
**[11:25] Tatsu**
He was such a cute little guy.
**[11:27] Choro**
Now he doesn't have any time
for me at all, though.
**[11:32] Todo**
Creepy.
**[11:34] Tatsu**
Jyushimatsu was always acting tough.
**[11:36] Tatsu**
He was always picking fights.
**[11:38] (Flashback) Jyushi**
You wanna throw down? Huh?!
**[11:42] Choro**
Who is he fighting?
**[11:43] (Flashback) Jyushi**
The hell are you lookin' at?!
**[11:44] Choro**
You're the one staring.
**[11:48] Choro**
Are you pretending to fight someone?
**[11:51] Choro**
How the hell did you lose?!
**[11:53] Tatsu**
And Osomatsu truly was an idiot.
**[12:11] Choro**
Why'd he even bother going to school?
**[12:15] Choro**
Honestly, all of these are
just precious memories now.
**[12:18] Tatsu**
Yeah.
**[12:20] Tatsu**
Though, in my case, that's all
thanks to you, Professor.
**[12:23] Choro**
Oh, stop. Where'd that come from?
**[12:26] Choro**
Also, you're basically the only one
to call me Professor, Tacchan.
**[12:30] Tatsu**
I'm truly grateful.
**[12:32] Tatsu**
You saved me back in high school.
**[12:35] Tatsu**
If you hadn't been around,
by now I'd probably be...
**[12:47] Tatsu**
No one liked me.
***SIGN*** Akasaka High School
***SIGN*** Akasaka High School
**[12:50] Tatsu**
I felt like there was no point
in going to that school.
**[12:52] Tatsu**
I was thinking of quitting.
**[12:55] Tatsu**
But that was never going to work.
**[12:59] Tatsu**
Because...
**[13:00] (Flashback) Choro**
Tacchan!
**[13:04] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Professor!
**[13:07] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Look at this insane lineup!
***SIGN*** Melon
The High School Girl
of Your Dreams
***SIGN*** First Press Comes with a DVD!
***SIGN*** Hot Wives Special
***SIGN*** The Legend of Satomi
**[13:10] (Flashback) Tatsu**
How did you get all of these?!
**[13:14] (Flashback) Choro**
I can't have you underestimating
my skills, my friend.
**[13:16] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Way to go, Dirty Magazine Professor!
***SIGN*** Melon
The High School Girl
of Your Dreams
**[13:27] Tatsu**
I didn't quit because I wanted to read all
the dirty magazines you brought to school.
***SIGN*** Supplementary Test
**[13:34] Tatsu**
But since I was an idiot, I kept failing,
**[13:37] Tatsu**
so I had to take supplementary
exams to avoid flunking out.
**[13:41] Tatsu**
The teacher realized I was cheating.
**[13:45] Tatsu**
I thought everything was over, and then...
**[13:51] (Flashback) Teach**
What's this?
**[13:53] (Flashback) Teach**
This is shameful! Absolutely shameful!
**[13:57] Tatsu**
Thanks to that dirty magazine,
I wasn't held back.
**[14:01] Tatsu**
I can't tell you how many
times they saved me.
***SIGN*** Bazoongas Festival
**[14:21] (Flashback) Choro**
Yay!
**[14:22] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Yay!
**[14:36] Tatsu**
I'm truly grateful.
**[14:39] Tatsu**
Thanks, Dirty Magazine Professor.
**[14:42] Choro**
Nah, I didn't do anything. It's all
thanks to those dirty magazines.
**[14:47] Choro**
And now, they're just some great memories.
**[14:50] Tatsu**
Yeah.
**[14:52] Choro**
But I need to apologize to
you for what happened.
**[14:58] Choro**
That scar under your eye.
**[15:01] Choro**
That was all my fault.
**[15:04] Tatsu**
It's not your fault!
**[15:05] Choro**
No...
**[15:06] Choro**
It totally is.
**[15:15] (Flashback) Choro**
No! It just came out! I haven't
even gotten to look at it yet!
**[15:24] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Stop that!
**[15:27] (Flashback) Tatsu**
You'll be sorry if you lay a finger on...
**[15:31] (Flashback) Tatsu**
that dirty magazine!
**[15:33] (Flashback) Choro**
Tacchan!
**[15:34] (Flashback) Guy**
Who the hell are you?!
**[15:42] (Flashback) Guy**
You little shit...
**[15:45] (Flashback) Choro**
Tacchan!
**[15:58] (Flashback) Choro**
You okay?
**[15:59] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Don't worry about me! Is the magazine okay?
**[16:00] (Flashback) Choro**
Yeah! I protected it with my life!
Let's look at it together!
**[16:05] (Flashback) Choro**
Yay! It's a sealed page!
**[16:08] (Flashback) Tatsu**
W-Wait, Professor! If you rush too much—
**[16:10] Choro**
Take that!
**[16:16] (Flashback) Choro**
Ta...
**[16:16] (Flashback) Choro**
Tacchan!
**[16:24] Choro**
It is my fault.
**[16:25] Tatsu**
It's not your fault.
**[16:26] Choro**
No, it's definitely my fault.
**[16:29] Tatsu**
No! It was all because of that sealed page!
**[16:32] Tatsu**
Sealed pages make people go insane!
**[16:36] Choro**
Thanks, Tacchan.
**[16:38] Choro**
They're all just precious memories now.
**[16:43] Tatsu**
Yeah.
**[16:48] Tatsu**
To think we were so close...
**[16:51] Tatsu**
and ended up causing that incident.
**[16:54] Choro**
Actually, that tragedy might've
happened *because* we were so close.
**[17:11] (Flashback) Choro**
You betrayed me.
**[17:14] (Flashback) Choro**
Say something.
**[17:20] (Flashback) Choro**
You have a girlfriend, don't you?!
**[17:23] (Flashback) Choro**
You don't need these dirty
magazines anymore, do you?!
**[17:25] (Flashback) Choro**
You traitor!
**[17:27] (Flashback) Choro**
Who cares about these anymore?!
**[17:29] (Flashback) Tatsu**
Stop it, Professor!
**[17:32] (Flashback) Choro**
What's more important?
The dirty magazines or your girlfriend?
**[17:37] (Flashback) Choro**
The dirty magazines are more
important, right, Tacchan?
**[17:43] (Flashback) Choro**
I guess you don't need your
girlfriend anymore, then.
**[17:46] (Flashback) Choro**
She's in your room right now, isn't she?
**[17:50] (Flashback) Choro**
Let's get rid of her.
**[17:55] Tatsu**
There was something wrong
with us back then.
**[17:58] Choro**
To think we'd do something like that
to an innocent girl like her...
**[18:14] Tatsu**
And then, on that day...
**[18:19] Choro**
At that moment...
**[18:20] Tatsu**
In this place...
**[18:24] Both**
...we buried her here.
**[18:26] Choro**
Every time this day comes, I think about...
**[18:29] Tatsu**
...what we do for atonement.
**[18:34] Choro**
So that we don't forget this tragedy...
**[18:37] Tatsu**
Because we can't escape our sin...
**[18:42] Choro**
She's still buried.
**[18:45] Tatsu**
Yeah.
**[18:49] Choro**
These are just precious memories now, too.
**[18:53] Tatsu**
Yeah.
**[18:58] Choro**
Man, this takes me back. I wish we
could go back to being kids, Tacchan.
**[19:02] Tatsu**
That's not gonna happen.
**[19:05] Tatsu**
We're adults now.
**[19:09] Choro**
Tacchan...
**[19:11] Tatsu**
See ya, Professor.
**[19:15] Choro**
H-He disappeared?
**[19:18] Choro**
Oh, right. Tacchan never
existed to begin with.
**[19:24] Choro**
The dirty magazines were basically my whole
identity in my shitty high school life,
**[19:29] Choro**
and I wanted to share that with someone.
**[19:31] Choro**
So he was basically my imaginary friend.
***SIGN*** End
**[19:39] Choro**
Sheeeh!
**[21:21] Ichi**
You're actually an imaginary
friend I thought up, aren't you?
**[21:26] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** "IF Doubts"
**[21:27] Ichi**
I know. You can't fool me.
**[21:29] Ichi**
You're actually an imaginary
friend who doesn't exist.
**[21:32] Oso**
The hell?
**[21:34] Ichi**
You're a fictional friend I thought up.
For mental and emotional support.
**[21:38] Oso**
And you're saying that's me?
**[21:39] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[21:40] Oso**
Why, though?!
**[21:41] Oso**
We've lived together ever since we were born.
**[21:44] Oso**
And I'm not your friend. I'm your brother.
**[21:47] Ichi**
You can't fool me. You don't exist.
**[21:49] Oso**
What are you talking about?
**[21:51] Ichi**
Prove to me that you exist, then.
**[21:53] Oso**
What?
**[21:54] Ichi**
See? You can't. Because you're imaginary.
**[21:57] Ichi**
But don't worry. If I die, so will you.
**[22:03] Oso**
Wait, stop, Ichimacchan! I actually exist!
**[22:06] Oso**
See? Your big brother's right here!
**[22:09] Ichi**
You're right. You do exist.
**[22:13] Ichi**
Which means you're not *my* imaginary friend.
**[22:17] Ichi**
I'm an imaginary friend *you* made up.
**[22:21] Oso**
Huh?
**[22:21] Jyushi**
If you die, I'll disappear, too.
**[22:23] Oso**
What?
**[22:25] Oso**
Wait, stop!
**[22:27] Oso**
Why does my method look way
more painful, Ichimacchan?!
**[22:30] Ichi**
Why are you so scared
when this is all imaginary?
**[22:33] Ichi**
We imaginary sextuplets
live our imaginary lives
**[22:36] Ichi**
in this imaginary house,
imagined by someone's imagination!
**[22:39] Oso**
I don't follow.
**[22:41] Ichi**
All of you, listen up.
**[22:42] Oso**
Who are you talking to?
**[22:44] Ichi**
All of your friends, lovers,
family, coworkers...
**[22:48] Ichi**
They're all just your imaginary friends.
**[22:51] Oso**
Stop that.
**[22:51] Ichi**
This anime doesn't even exist.
**[22:55] Ichi**
It's just something imaginary that your
imaginations thought up to watch every week.
**[22:59] Ichi**
The epitome of imagination!
**[23:01] Ichi**
You're all messed up.
**[23:02] Oso**
*You're* messed up!
**[23:03] Ichi**
Now, say goodnight, imaginary friends.
**[23:08] Ichi**
I'll throw you into the depths of despair
**[23:10] Ichi**
again next week with your lovely imagination.
**[23:12] Oso**
Stop!
**[23:13] Ichi**
Is it imaginary or is it not
imaginary? Nobody knows.
**[23:18] Ichi**
That's...
**[23:21] Ichi**
imaginary.
**[23:25] Oso**
Uh, you just want to say "imaginary," don't you?
**[23:28] Ichi**
No. We ended up with extra time.
**[23:30] Oso**
Well, that got realistic fast.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:34] Todo**
Hey, it's Totty!
**[23:36] Todo**
Next time on *Mr. Osomatsu*,
we have "A-1 Grand Prix."
**[23:39] Todo**
As you can imagine,
my role in this will be...
**[23:41] Todo**
Pretty nonexistent! Yup!
**[23:43] Todo**
However... Irino Miyu has a
surprisingly big part in this!
***SIGN*** "A-1 Grand Prix" etc.
**[23:49] Todo**
Congratulations on this god-tier episode!
# E24 - A-1 Grand Prix
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GK9U3ZWKZ/a-1-grand-prix)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:41] Oso**
Man... The third season is over
with next week's episode.
**[01:45] Oso**
I'm seriously surprised we even pulled
off two cours in this situation.
**[01:49] Oso**
We're so awesome and cool.
**[01:51] Oso**
Give us NEETs the People's Honor Award, too.
**[01:55] Oso**
On the other hand, thank goodness we
finished the third season without issues.
**[01:59] Oso**
Great job, guys.
**[02:14] Oso**
You're...
**[02:16] New oso**
Heya, Osomatsu-kun. It's been a while.
**[02:19] New oso**
It's me, the eldest brother of the new
sextuplets who appeared in episode 1
**[02:21] New oso**
and immediately got canned.
**[02:24] New oso**
I'm the New Osomatsu. Remember me?
**[02:28] New oso**
We were the new protagonists created
to make this a wonderful show,
**[02:31] New oso**
starting with this season.
**[02:33] New oso**
We we were forced to step down,
though, thanks to you guys.
**[02:37] Oso**
Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure
that wasn't our fault.
***SIGN*** "New Osomatsu Returns"
**[02:41] New oso**
I just got out, so I'm here to kill you.
**[02:44] Oso**
Huh?
**[02:47] New oso**
You didn't even come to visit.
That's so mean.
**[02:48] Oso**
Hey!
**[02:53] New oso**
You're thankful the third season
is wrapping up without issues?
**[02:55] New oso**
I wouldn't say there weren't issues. I mean,
what are the new sextuplets supposed to do?
**[02:59] Oso**
Help me!
**[03:01] New oso**
We were just created and then cast aside.
**[03:04] New oso**
We have nothing to do and nowhere to go.
**[03:06] New oso**
Which means...
**[03:08] New oso**
I'm going to kill you.
**[03:10] Oso**
Hey, hang on! You only got canned
because you guys did something bad!
**[03:13] Oso**
Why take it out on me?
**[03:15] New oso**
Because I can!
**[03:16] Oso**
Huh?
**[03:17] New oso**
I'm definitely going to kill you.
**[03:18] Oso**
Whoa! Hey!
**[03:20] New oso**
I mean, we prepared so many
things that just got scrapped!
**[03:23] New oso**
Like these wonderful scripts,
and this super cute merch.
***SIGN*** New Mr. Osomatsu Episode 1 AR Script
***SIGN*** New Mr. Osomatsu
**[03:27] New oso**
We even had a new version of F6.
**[03:30] New oso**
And it was all for naught,
thanks to you guys.
**[03:32] Oso**
Seriously, we didn't do anything!
**[03:34] New oso**
Yeah, I know. I'm still going to kill you.
**[03:38] New oso**
Gonna kill you.
**[03:41] New oso**
Gonna kill you.
**[03:43] New oso**
Gonna kill you.
**[03:47] Oso**
Uh, how the hell are you that strong?!
**[03:52] Oso**
This is messed up!
**[03:55] Oso**
You're way too strong!
**[03:56] Oso**
Someone save me!
**[03:58] Oso**
Can I get a ref here?!
**[04:02] Oso**
I-I've had enough... of you!
**[04:09] Oso**
God, what a pain.
**[04:13] New osomatsu**
Osomatsu!
**[04:18] New osomatsu**
I'm gonna rip off your dick!
**[04:20] New oso**
Then I'm gonna slice it up, pound it,
smash it, put it in a mixer,
**[04:23] New oso**
add some salt and pepper, and flambé it!
**[04:25] New oso**
It's gonna be an all-out sausage fest!
**[04:30] Oso**
What did you even say just now?
**[04:32] New oso**
Hey, hello there! Thanks for your support!
**[04:35] Oso**
Okay, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
**[04:36] New oso**
I'm gonna burn your asshole!
**[04:38] Oso**
Seriously, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
**[05:11] Oso**
Come forth, F6!
**[05:14] Oso**
Come forth, New F6!
**[05:18] Both**
Go!
**[05:28] Toto**
Please, just stop!
**[05:31] Toto**
I have no idea what's going on!
**[05:38] Oso**
I won!
**[05:42] New oso B**
It looks like New Osomatsu was defeated.
**[05:47] New oso B**
But he was the weakest of us,
the New Osomatsu 5.
**[05:53] Boss New Oso**
Show him what true fear is,
New New Osomatsu.
**[05:57] New new oso**
Yes, sir.
**[06:02] New new oso**
You're finished, Old Osomatsu.
**[06:04] Oso**
New New Osomatsu...
**[06:11] New new oso**
Who's there?!
**[06:12] Oso**
Guys!
**[06:19] Todo**
Wait, why am I the only one wearing this?!
**[06:23] Todo**
I want to change!
**[06:36] Dad**
S-Such incredible power...
**[06:38] Dad**
Earth is going to be destroyed!
**[06:40] Mom**
Their bodies won't hold up if
they keep using this power!
**[06:47] Both**
It sure didn't.
**[06:54] Mom**
Th-That emblem...
**[06:56] Dad**
You know what that is, dear?
**[06:58] Mom**
Nope.
**[07:01] Dad**
I-Is that his second form?!
**[07:06] Dad**
Guess not.
**[07:09] Mom**
Wait, is that...
**[07:12] Dad**
You know what that is, dear?
**[07:13] Mom**
It's the Russian martial art, systema!
**[07:27] Ichi**
It won't hurt.
**[07:29] Dad**
It sure is systema.
**[07:34] Jyushi**
It looks like Jyushimatsu was defeated.
**[07:38] Jyushi**
But he was the weakest of us,
the Jyushimatsu 1000.
**[07:43] Jyushi**
Show him what true fear is, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:46] All**
Aye!
**[07:50] Ichi**
Lunatic Magi Luna Hell Fire!
**[07:55] Kara**
Nice Summer! 800 Summer!
**[07:59] Choro**
Buzz, stab. Buzz, stab.
**[08:01] Choro**
Buzz, stab.
**[08:06] Jyushis**
Regrets. Oh, no, oh, no, no.
**[08:12] Toto**
Just stop already!
**[08:16] Choro**
That's—
**[08:18] Kara**
Shit!
**[08:19] Kara**
The Ultimate Gate has opened!
**[08:22] Kara**
We didn't make it in time!
**[08:23] Toto**
Just stop! What the heck is going on?!
**[08:31] Oso**
You...
**[08:33] Oso**
And all of you!
**[09:08] Oso**
Wh-What...
**[09:12] New oso**
Now, rise.
**[09:15] Oso**
You're... The Ultimate Osomatsu.
**[09:20] New oso**
It's not over yet. Our fight
is just about to begin.
**[09:25] Oso**
Yeah.
**[09:36] Both**
Let's go, Osomatsu!
**[09:40] Toto**
Just stop! I'm going insane!
**[09:44] Toto**
You assholes!
***SIGN*** End
**[09:52] Nar**
The never-ending battle for
artificial intelligence.
**[09:54] Nar**
And now, our champions from the previous
years will open the ceremony.
**[09:59] Uchiumi**
Heyo, we're Cherryboy.
**[10:01] Both**
Thanks for having us!
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[10:02] Uchi**
Thanks! We just received some bias and
weighting over some machine learning,
**[10:09] Uchi**
so thanks.
**[10:10] Uchi**
I say let it happen.
**[10:12] Komaba**
Yeah, that's just the best. By the way...
**[10:16] Uchi**
Yeah?
**[10:16] Koma**
Apparently, my mother computer
has a manga artist she likes,
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[10:21] Koma**
but she forgot their name.
**[10:24] Uchi**
Wow, she forgot the manga artist's name?
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[10:26] Uchi**
Does she know what they look like?
Maybe I can help.
**[10:30] Koma**
According to my mother computer...
**[10:32] Koma**
They were a legendary gag manga
artist who was huge in the Showa era.
**[10:35] Uchi**
Ah... So it's Akatsuka Fujio.
**[10:38] Uchi**
Without a doubt, that's Akatsuka Fujio!
**[10:42] Koma**
But I just don't know...
**[10:43] Uchi**
Don't know what?
**[10:46] Koma**
I thought it was Akatsuka Fujio, too.
**[10:48] Uchi**
Right?
**[10:48] Koma**
But according to my mother computer,
every single manga they released was a hit.
**[10:54] Uchi**
Huh... I guess it isn't Akatsuka Fujio, then.
**[10:58] Uchi**
Akatsuka Fujio is definitely a genius
who came up with a bunch of hits,
**[11:03] Uchi**
but he had even more titles
that never made the cut.
**[11:06] Uchi**
The bar isn't very high, so rather
than being a genius manga artist,
**[11:10] Uchi**
he was an old fart who loved alcohol,
gambling, and sleeping around.
**[11:14] Uchi**
Everyone gives him too much credit.
So the anime can just be whatever, too.
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[11:19] Uchi**
Now, let's get this show started.
**[11:21] Both**
The A-1 Grand Prix 2021 Finals
are about to start!
**[11:27] Nar**
There are AI that want to
make the humans laugh.
**[11:30] Nar**
They number an unbelievable
80,435,081 groups!
**[11:36] Nar**
They want to prove...
**[11:38] Nar**
that even they... can get laughs!
***SIGN*** May I help you?
***SIGN*** AASIMO
**[11:45] Nar**
AASIMO!
***SIGN*** Roonda
**[11:47] Nar**
Roonda!
***SIGN*** There's only
***SIGN*** Us
***SIGN*** Peppo
**[11:49] Nar**
Peppo!
***SIGN*** Alexsa
**[11:51] Nar**
Alexsa!
***SIGN*** Moguradar
**[11:53] Nar**
Moguradar!
***SIGN*** Tontsukanyan
**[11:55] Nar**
Tontsukanyan!
***SIGN*** Basshyz
**[11:57] Nar**
Basshyz!
***SIGN*** Riceballs
**[11:59] Nar**
Riceballs!
**[12:01] Nar**
The AI cannot be stopped!
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[12:05] Nar**
A-1 Grand Prix!
***SIGN*** Begins after the commercial break!!
**[12:11] Todo**
Dang, the Riceballs actually
made it to the finals.
**[12:14] Ichi**
It's unbelievable.
**[12:15] Oso**
Our support AI!
**[12:17] Choro**
Why are they getting all of the spotlight?!
**[12:21] Jyushi**
I wonder how the Riceballs
are doing right about now.
**[12:24] Kara**
They're probably pretty nervous.
**[12:26] Jyushi**
Maybe they're puking oil.
**[12:27] Kara**
Oil? Nah, I wouldn't go that far.
**[12:51] Ume**
I-I'm so nervous.
**[12:53] Salmon**
Let's at least go over our bit.
**[12:55] Ume**
Yeah.
**[13:02] Sh**
We can't even practice our own with
everyone else practicing everywhere.
**[13:06] Ume**
This happens all the time.
**[13:07] Chibi**
Why, though?
***SIGN*** Quiet!
**[13:09] Ume**
Hey, IwaChibi-san, why are you practicing?
**[13:12] Ume**
Could you let us practice here?
**[13:14] Iyami**
W-We might be chosen...
**[13:16] Chibi**
...in the repechage.
**[13:18] Both**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[13:20] Sh**
You lost in the first round,
so that's not happening.
**[13:23] Ume**
You need to at least make
it to the semifinals.
**[13:25] Both**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Laugh Lottery
**[13:31] Ume**
Th-That's...
**[13:32] Shake**
The laugh lottery!
***SIGN*** Laugh Lottery
**[13:34] Ume**
The lottery that will decide the
order we go in and our fate.
**[13:38] Shake**
The most important thing in
competitions like this is...
***SIGN*** Important!
***SIGN*** That's!?
**[13:41] Both**
The order of the routines.
**[13:43] Shake**
The subject matter, technique, and whether
it's modern or not honestly don't matter!
**[13:47] Shake**
What's important is the order we go in!
**[13:49] Ume**
Did we go too far? It's the truth, though!
**[13:51] Shake**
This is the angel and devil
that have brought blessings
**[13:54] Shake**
to many comedians in the
past and killed others.
**[13:57] Ume**
The first group has a harder time winning.
**[13:59] Shake**
An orthodox group has a harder time
going after a group with props.
**[14:02] Ume**
The best place to be is
**[14:04] Ume**
when the group before you completely
fails and sets the stage for you,
**[14:08] ume**
or right after that.
**[14:09] ume**
Not after the first epic fail, if possible,
but after the second or third.
**[14:16] ume**
But things never go that well.
**[14:19] ume**
So let's figure out an algorithm
guaranteeing our victory.
**[14:23] shake**
Okay.
**[14:24] ume**
First, how many bits do we have?
**[14:27] Shake**
648,563.
**[14:30] Ume**
How many of those are four minutes?
**[14:32] Shake**
120,422.
**[14:34] Ume**
How many that will make or break us?
**[14:35] Shake**
3,978.
**[14:38] Ume**
What if we're up first?
***SIGN*** Convenience Store
***SIGN*** Convenience Store
**[14:41] Shake**
What if we're up second?
***SIGN*** Interview
**[14:44] Ume**
What if we're third?
***SIGN*** Convenience Store
**[14:44] [Messenger] Sign**
Interview
***SIGN*** Sandals
**[14:46] Shake**
What if we're fourth?
**[14:48] [Messenger] Sign**
Phone
**[14:48] Ume**
What if the group before us fails?
**[14:50] Shake**
What if the group before us epically fails?
**[14:52] Ume**
What if there's a commercial
break before we go on?
**[14:54] Shake**
What if the judges are in a bad mood?
**[14:59] Both**
We've come up with an algorithm
to win the A-1 Grand Prix!
**[15:06] Shake**
Behold the power of AI.
**[15:08] Ume**
We are flawless.
**[15:10] AD**
It's almost go time.
**[15:18] Both**
Akatsuka-sensei!
**[15:22] Ichi**
Hey, it's on.
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[15:32] Irino**
Hello! A-1 Grand Prix 2021 has officially begun!
**[15:36] Irino**
I'm Irino Miyu, and I'll be your host, along with...
**[15:38] Aya**
I'm Endou Aya!
**[15:40] Both**
Let's have a great show!
**[15:43] Irino**
And these are our AI judges!
**[15:48] Irino**
Okay, let's get started.
***SIGN*** Laugh Lottery
**[15:50] Irino**
Here's the first group.
Let's see what the laugh lottery says.
**[15:56] Irino**
If you will, Endou-san.
**[15:58] Aya**
Sure.
**[16:00] aya**
The first group is... Ta-da!
***SIGN*** Peppo
**[16:02] Aya**
Peppo!
**[16:06] Irino**
Come on up, Peppo!
**[16:08] Robots**
Yeah! You've got this!
**[16:12] All**
Fail, fail, fail...
***SIGN*** We're up first?
***SIGN*** Our luck sucks
**[16:14] All**
Fail, fail, fail...
**[16:16] All**
Fail, fail, fail!
**[16:19] Ume**
* But it's not good if the first group fails*
* too hard, because the crowd gets grim.*
**[16:23] Ume**
*Hopefully, they'll warm up the crowd.*
**[16:25] Shake**
*Just don't epically fail.*
**[16:27] Both**
*Don't epically fail!*
***SIGN*** Peppo
**[16:29] Both**
Hello, we're Peppo!
**[16:32] Pepo A**
So, cellphone bills lately...
**[16:34] Peppo b**
Yeah?
**[16:35] Peppo B**
They're too effing expensive! Like, do
they want rob us of house and home?!
**[16:39] Peppo A**
Wait, what? Where did that even come from?
***SIGN*** Roonda
***SIGN*** Moguradar
***SIGN*** Peppo
**[16:42] Shake**
* At first, we were hoping*
* all of our rivals would fail.*
**[16:46] Ume**
*But they were all funny.*
**[16:49] Ume**
* Even if there was a group*
* that didn't get laughs,*
**[16:51] Ume**
* they're honestly amazing*
* to make it to the finals.*
**[16:55] Ume**
* They must've worked so*
* earnestly. That's so awesome.*
**[16:59] Shake**
*I'm so happy we get to be here.*
**[17:02] Shake**
*Let's just have fun.*
***SIGN*** Roonda
***SIGN*** Moguradar
***SIGN*** Basshyz
**[17:04] Shake**
*While we were thinking about that...*
**[17:08] Aya**
The sixth group is... Ta-da!
***SIGN*** Riceballs
**[17:10] Aya**
The Riceballs!
**[17:14] Irino**
Come on out here, Riceballs!
**[17:18] Four**
Riceballs!
**[17:19] Choro**
You've got this!
**[17:20] Oso**
People better laugh!
**[17:22] Toto**
Salmon-chan!
**[17:25] Iyami**
Laugh, people...
**[17:26] Chibi**
Please!
**[17:28] Aya**
And now for the Riceballs.
**[17:32] Aya**
They're up...
**[17:35] Aya**
Right after this commercial break!
**[17:37] Irino**
D'oh!
**[17:38] All**
D'oh!
**[17:40] Both**
D'oh!
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
***SIGN*** The Finalists
**[17:45] Lady**
A-1 Grand Prix 2021, the finalists.
**[17:51] Nar**
They managed an unbelievable feat,
**[17:53] Nar**
making it to the finals the
year they formed their group.
**[17:55] Nar**
The funny bot, Salmon.
**[17:57] Nar**
The straight bot, Pickled Plum.
**[17:59] Nar**
After their hellish start being
support AI for the stupid sextuplets,
**[18:02] Nar**
they were replaced and then reborn.
**[18:05] Nar**
They've been given the Akatsuka DNA.
Thanks, sextuplets. Thanks, Master Iyami.
**[18:10] Nar**
This is our ultimate comedy routine.
**[18:18] Lady**
Entry number 451132... the Riceballs!
**[18:29] Both**
Hello!
**[18:31] Shake**
I'm Salmon.
**[18:32] Ume**
I'm Pickled Plum.
**[18:33] Both**
We're the Riceballs. Thanks for having us.
**[18:37] Shake**
Say, Pickled Plum-kun.
**[18:39] Ume**
What is it, Salmon-kun?
**[18:40] Shake**
So I'm going to go eat some really
expensive Italian cuisine.
**[18:57] Ume**
*Hey, Salmon... Salmon...*
**[19:01] Ume**
*Are we failing?*
**[19:04] Shake**
*Huh?*
**[19:10] Shake**
*We are! No one's laughing!*
**[19:13] Ume**
*What should we do?*
**[19:15] Ume**
* Also, Salmon! You keep*
* messing up your lines!*
**[19:17] Shake**
*Well, so do you!*
**[19:18] Ume**
Crap! We messed up so much
that I forgot the routine!
**[19:20] Shake**
I forgot, too!
**[19:22] Ume**
I'm about to lose power!
**[19:24] Shake**
I'm gonna restore to factory settings!
**[19:25] Ume**
Ugh, why? We prepared so much!
Our algorithm isn't working at all!
**[19:34] Shake**
We want to be funny!
**[19:35] Ume**
We want to get laughs!
***SIGN*** Funny
***SIGN*** Laughs
***SIGN*** What we want to do
***SIGN*** Comedy AI
**[19:48] Both**
We're comedy AI!
**[20:17] Irino**
What the heck? That's hilarious!
**[20:19] Aya**
Even though they're not funny at all!
**[20:27] Six**
I can't stop laughing!
**[20:30] Six**
What the hell?!
**[20:38] Irino**
And now for the final deliberations...
**[20:41] Nar**
The final results!
***SIGN*** Grand Prix
**[20:49] Irino**
The champion of A-1 Grand Prix 2021 is...
***SIGN*** Kyojingu Sabikawake Haniwa Rakurero Purokko Amagasa Awajishima
***SIGN*** Riceballs Sabikawake Haniwa Rakurero Purokko Amagasa Awajishima
**[20:53] Irino**
The Riceballs! Riceballs! Riceballs!
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Haniwa Rakurero Purokko Amagasa Awajishima
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Rakurero Purokko Amagasa Awajishima
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Purokko Amagasa Awajishima
**[20:57] Irino**
Riceballs! Riceballs! Riceballs! Riceballs!
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Amagasa Awajishima
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Awajishima
***SIGN*** Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs Riceballs
**[21:00] Irino**
The winners are the Riceballs!
**[21:17] irino**
We now have our AI champions of comedy,
the Riceballs. If we could get your comment.
***SIGN*** A-1 Grand Prix 2021 Champions
Prize: Power for 100 years
**[21:26] Shake**
A comment? I'm paddy choked up.
**[21:28] Ume**
Same here.
**[21:30] Both**
Because we're Riceballs.
**[21:44] Kara**
Oh, God! Stop!
**[21:46] Ichi**
I'm gonna die!
**[21:49] Ume**
*And that's how we were able to win.*
**[21:52] Shake**
*However...*
**[21:54] Shake**
* The TV station got a ton of complaints*
* saying what we did wasn't actual comedy,*
***SIGN*** Everyone's comments
You shitty AI
I feel some weird radio
waves in my brain! My brain is shaking?!
You trash brothers! Let's scrap them!
Huh? I lost a few days worth of memories
They're cheating? Give me back my money!
This isn't comedy!
I drove my car into a convenience
store because of you! Pay up!!!
Aaaaaaaaah my ears aaaah
My skin is silky smooth and I can see better!
I even feel better!
**[21:59] Shake**
* and that messing with people's brains with*
* radio waves goes against any compliance,*
***SIGN*** Hakata Metatron
Those Riceballs or whatever
are the worst AI ever!
***SIGN*** Musashi of Susukino
I kept picking the wrong
horses because of the
Riceballs! This sucks! Give
me my money back!!!
**[22:05] Shake**
* so we were stripped of our title.*
* We became the outcasts in our field.*
***SIGN*** Next Generation Comedian
If that's what won,
that show is over!
**[22:09] Shake**
*We weren't allowed on TV,*
***SIGN*** TV Station President Apologizes
***SIGN*** A-1 Put On Indefinite Hiatus
***SIGN*** Akatsuka
Times
**[22:11] Shake**
* and the competition itself was*
* canceled after this year.*
**[22:15] Riceballs**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
**[23:48] Choro**
Next time!
***SIGN*** Next time on
***SIGN*** Mr. Osomatsu
**[23:50] Oso**
The final episode!
***SIGN*** Final Episode
# E25 - Final Episode
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GMKUXZ0P5/final-episode)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[01:57] Oso**
The last episode...
**[02:07] Mom**
NEETs!
**[02:08] Mom**
Why are you still in pajamas?
***SIGN*** "Bored"
**[02:10] Mom**
Get changed already!
**[02:11] Dad**
All you do is laze around all day!
You need to shape up!
**[02:15] Dad**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:16] Mom**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:17] Dad**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:18] Mom**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:19] Dad**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:19] Mom**
Womp waa womp waa waa.
**[02:21] Both**
A big, long lecture!
**[02:25] Mom**
Hon, we're not getting through to them.
**[02:27] Dad**
This is probably why you
can't get any girls.
**[02:31] Mom**
That did it.
***SIGN*** Matsu
***SIGN*** We are terribly sorry, but we will be closed for a while Management
***SIGN*** Huge Sale
***SIGN*** Tropical Fish
**[02:47] Todo**
Wha...
***SIGN*** Sorry, but we're currently
Closed
Pachinko Dragon Management
**[02:50] Todo**
What? Seriously?
***SIGN*** Pachinko Dragon
**[02:58] Todo**
What's wrong?
***SIGN*** To everyone using our dining area -No outside food allowed -Please do not drink alcohol Please do not stay for long periods of time
**[03:01] Jyushi**
Guess we can't use the dining area.
**[03:04] Todo**
What? Why not?
**[03:05] Kara**
Does that mean we've been banned?
**[03:08] Choro**
Nah, I don't think they've gone that far,
**[03:11] Choro**
but they also asked us not to use it.
**[03:13] Todo**
For real? Did we cause too much trouble?
**[03:16] Kara**
We might've overstayed our welcome.
**[03:20] Oso**
What? You guys are here, too?
**[03:23] Oso**
Huh? What's wrong?
**[03:37] Choro**
What should we do?
**[03:38] Choro**
Should we go home?
**[03:46] Todo**
Maybe I'll get a part-time job.
**[03:48] Todo**
Repeating this every day is sorta pointless.
**[03:50] Todo**
What a waste of time.
**[03:52] Kara**
A part-time job? Like what?
**[03:54] Todo**
Something easy. One where I can
get tons of money in a short time.
***SIGN*** Pine Part-time Jobs | Top Page
Pine Part-time Jobs
**[03:58] Kara**
Does something like that exist?
What kind of job is that?
**[04:01] Todo**
Hm?
**[04:03] Kara**
Hm?
**[04:04] Todo**
It's your job to think of that,
Karamatsu-niisan!
**[04:07] Kara**
Sorry...
**[04:09] Kara**
Why did I just apologize?
**[04:12] Jyushi**
I'm gonna get a part-time job, too!
**[04:13] Both**
Don't bother.
**[04:14] Todo**
You? Get a part-time job?
**[04:17] Kara**
What do you even plan on doing?
**[04:18] Jyushi**
I'll be the ball boy at Meiji Jingu Stadium!
**[04:21] Todo**
You just want to play baseball.
**[04:24] Kara**
Jyushimatsu, ball boys can't play in games.
**[04:28] Jyushi**
I don't need any money!
Could I just be a pinch runner?
**[04:30] Kara**
Nope.
**[04:31] Jyushi**
A base coach?
**[04:32] Kara**
Nope.
**[04:33] Jyushi**
Defensive replacement! Bullpen catcher!
**[04:34] Kara**
Nope! Go home!
**[04:36] Jyushi**
Scorekeeper! Umpire! Beer vendor!
**[04:36] Kara**
Nope! Nope! Nope!
**[04:37] Todo**
What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[04:39] Ichi**
Nah.
**[04:41] Ichi**
Just living like this is a part-time job.
**[04:44] Todo**
Uh, what?
**[04:46] Oso**
Maybe I'll get a part-time job, too.
**[04:48] Choro**
Like you actually could!
**[04:49] Oso**
What? But I can do anything!
**[04:51] Oso**
I can do anything if I try!
**[04:53] Choro**
Uh...
**[04:54] Ichi**
How about working at a
family restaurant, then?
**[04:56] Oso**
Welcome. How many in your party?
**[04:59] Jyushi**
A gas station?
**[05:00] Oso**
This way! This way!
**[05:01] Kara**
Construction worker.
**[05:03] Choro**
A bird.
**[05:05] Ichi**
A gorilla.
**[05:07] Jyushi**
A frog!
**[05:10] Choro**
A frog working at a family restaurant.
**[05:14] Jyushi**
Holy crap! He really can do anything!
**[05:16] Choro**
Yeah, but that's sorta pointless!
**[05:19] Oso**
Sparkle Phantom Stream!
**[05:22] All**
Sparkle, sparkle! Sparkle, sparkle!
**[05:24] All**
Sparkle, sparkle! Sparkle, sparkle!
**[05:24] Choro**
Screw you!
**[05:27] Ichi**
Sparkle Phantom Stream,
but a construction worker.
**[05:30] All**
Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle,
sparkle, sparkle, sparkle...
**[05:46] Kara**
Man, I'm bored.
**[05:48] Choro**
I want to do something.
**[05:50] Todo**
But I also don't.
**[05:53] Oso**
I want a change.
**[05:54] Kara**
But I also don't.
**[05:57] Jyushi**
I want to go somewhere.
**[05:59] Ichi**
But I also don't.
**[06:01] Todo**
I want to take it easy.
**[06:03] Choro**
We've already had it so easy.
**[06:07] Kara**
B-Brothers? Why don't we actually seriously
contemplate our futures for once?
**[06:11] Kara**
Like what we want to do
or how we want to end up?
**[06:15] Kara**
No jokes. Let's take this seriously.
**[06:21] Kara**
Well? What do you all want to do?
**[06:24] Oso**
I want a beer.
**[06:25] Jyushi**
I want some meat.
**[06:26] Ichi**
I wanna sleep.
**[06:26] Todo**
I wanna buy some porn.
**[06:28] Choro**
Likewise.
**[06:29] Kara**
I'd pick any of those things, too.
**[06:39] Employee**
Hey!
**[06:46] Oso**
He shooed us away.
**[06:48] Ichi**
That's our fault.
**[06:49] Jyushi**
Sorry.
**[06:50] Todo**
We need to find another place.
**[06:56] Oso**
Oh, I know.
**[06:57] Oso**
Why don't we go see some cherry blossoms?
**[06:59] Oso**
They've probably bloomed by now.
**[07:00] Todo**
Hey, that's a great idea!
**[07:02] Jyushi**
Let's throw a party! Yeah!
**[07:03] Kara**
What about the booze and snacks?
**[07:05] Ichi**
Should we all bring stuff?
**[07:06] Ichi**
Let's all do that and meet back up.
**[07:08] Jyushi**
Yay!
**[07:10] Kara**
And then I'll sing you all a song.
**[07:12] Ichi**
Don't. You'll kill the cherry blossoms.
**[07:16] Todo**
Nice. We can finally kill some time.
**[07:22] Choro**
Uh, yeah. We're gonna go see some
cherry blossoms. Can't wait.
**[07:28] Jyushi**
Let's go get some booze and snacks!
**[07:30] All**
Yeah!
**[07:31] Oso**
Let's meet back up at the park at 6 PM!
**[07:33] All**
Yeah!
**[07:38] Oso**
Like I have any money, though...
**[07:41] Oso**
Come on, someone treat me.
**[07:43] Oso**
I just want someone to treat
me for the rest of my life.
**[07:46] Riceballs**
Hello!
**[07:48] Shake**
I'm Salmon.
**[07:49] Ume**
I'm Pickled Plum.
**[07:50] Both**
We're the Riceballs.
**[07:51] Both**
Thanks for coming to see us today!
**[07:53] Ume**
Hey, Salmon-kun.
**[07:54] Oso**
Hey, it's the Riceballs.
**[07:55] Shake**
What is it, Pickled Plum-kun?
**[07:56] Guy**
Hey, you suck!
**[07:58] Guy**
Epic fail!
**[08:00] Guy**
You call yourselves comedians?
**[08:01] Guy**
Do something funny!
**[08:06] Both**
Piss off!
**[08:08] Some**
Save me!
**[08:13] Jyushi**
Booze and snacks...
**[08:16] Jyushi**
I'll just get some from Chibita!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Oden
**[08:19] Jyushi**
Chibita!
**[08:22] Jyushi**
Huh?!
**[08:24] Jyushi**
Chibita?!
**[08:25] Jyushi**
Why are you dressed like that?!
**[08:28] Chibi**
Hey, Broke Bros.
**[08:31] Chibi**
I've been rollin' in the dough lately,
so I bought some stuff.
**[08:34] Jyushi**
Wh-What about your oden shop?
**[08:37] Jyushi**
And the maid thing?
**[08:38] Chibi**
That's all in the past, you idjit.
**[08:41] Chibi**
The next big thing's gonna be...
**[08:44] Chibi**
Cryptocurrency.
**[08:46] Jyushi**
C-Cryptocurrency? What's that?
**[08:48] Chibi**
It's basically imaginary money.
There ain't no money in the real world.
**[08:53] Chibi**
So you just imagine it in your mind!
**[08:56] Chibi**
I've got money! More and more of it!
**[08:58] Chibi**
And since it's imaginary, you just imagine
that you you keep getting money.
**[09:04] Jyushi**
But you actually haven't gotten
any more money, right?
**[09:06] Chibi**
That doesn't matter. It's imaginary.
**[09:08] Jyushi**
I see!
**[09:09] Chibi**
I've got savings for eternity!
**[09:11] Jyushi**
Sheer genius!
**[09:12] Chibi**
Jyushimatsu! You get into
cryptocurrency, too!
**[09:15] Jyushi**
Aye!
**[09:20] Chibi**
More! You need to imagine harder,
or you won't get any money!
**[09:26] Chibi**
Well? Can you see the money?
**[09:28] Jyushi**
I can't!
**[09:29] Chibi**
Imagine harder!
**[09:48] Kara**
How strange.
**[09:49] Kara**
A hot guy like me is clearly bored,
but no one's talking to me.
**[09:54] Kara**
What's going on?
**[09:55] Kara**
Why aren't you popular,
Karamatsu? How bizarre.
**[10:01] Kara**
What a big machine.
**[10:04] Kara**
That's exactly what I'm lacking right now.
**[10:06] Kara**
But I don't have any money.
**[10:08] Kara**
What are you going to do, Karamatsu?
**[10:10] Kara**
*Find a real job? A part-time one?*
**[10:13] Kara**
*I guess I could always try crowdfunding.*
**[10:16] Kara**
* But doing things the old-fashioned*
* way isn't fit for a star.*
**[10:19] Kara**
I'm gonna turn the tables!
***SIGN*** Lotto
**[10:36] Truck**
*Backing up. Please be careful.*
**[10:41] Ichi**
Where am I supposed to be?
**[10:44] Ichi**
Uh, I don't even smoke.
**[10:47] Lady**
He's creepy.
***SIGN*** Construction
50m Ahead
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Moving Company
**[10:51] Ichi**
Maybe I should just go home.
***SIGN*** Daiginjo Sakura 11,250 yen (tax included)
**[11:09] Hata**
Jo... jo, jo, jo...
**[11:11] Todo**
Huh?! Hatabou?!
**[11:13] Todo**
You're so tiny! But your flag's huge!
**[11:15] Todo**
What happened? You okay?
**[11:17] Hata**
My flag sucks up nutrients, jo.
**[11:19] Todo**
Your flag sucks up nutrients?
**[11:21] Todo**
Oh, no! Let's just yank it out!
**[11:23] Hata**
Jo.
**[11:36] Todo**
It's no use. I can't pull it out.
**[11:38] Todo**
Maybe I should try pushing instead.
**[11:42] Todo**
Hey, you're back to normal.
Guess that was the right answer.
**[11:45] Todo**
Ready, and...
**[11:51] Todo**
What?!
**[11:53] Todo**
Why the hell?!
**[11:54] Todo**
H-H-Hatabou! Stop!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Driving School
**[11:59] Kara**
Oh? Totoko-chan?
***SIGN*** Spring Driving Safety Campaign
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Driving School
**[12:02] Kara**
You're going to driving school?
**[12:04] Toto**
Yeah. I figured it'd be
convenient to have a license.
**[12:07] Toto**
So I'm just gonna go do that!
**[12:09] Kara**
Sounds cool.
**[12:11] Toto**
I'm a much better driver now.
**[12:13] Toto**
Wanna see?
**[12:14] Kara**
Yeah, I sure do!
**[12:18] Kara**
You've got this, Totoko-chan!
**[12:21] Kara**
Ignition.
**[12:25] Toto**
I'm going to turn right.
**[12:28] Guy**
Look out!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Driving School
**[12:32] Toto**
I'm going to make a sharp turn now.
**[12:40] Guy**
Wait, stop!
**[12:42] Guy**
Yowai-san!
**[12:44] Guy**
Yowai-san!
**[12:45] Guy**
Yowai-san?!
**[12:47] Guy**
Yowai-san!
**[12:50] Kara**
Look at those skills.
Way to go, Totoko-chan!
**[12:58] Kara**
Driver's permition.
***SIGN*** You free today?
***SIGN*** You have that chicken sandwich with the lemony tartar yet?
***SIGN*** Let's eat some meat
**[13:11] Todo**
* It doesn't matter how old I get.*
* I still keep looking...*
**[13:15] Todo**
*for Laputa.*
**[13:19] Todo**
A part-time job, huh?
**[13:20] Todo**
Hey, Totty, hey.
**[13:23] Todo**
Why not seriously look for once?
What do you want to do?
**[13:31] Todo**
Huh?!
**[13:34] Todo**
Wh-When did that happen?!
**[13:51] Jyushi**
Huh? What was I supposed to be doing again?
**[13:59] Oso**
Isn't it amazing? I actually
did what I said I'd do.
**[14:02] Oso**
Way to go, Big Bro! You're the best!
**[14:08] Oso**
Wait, you can't drink that now.
**[14:11] Oso**
No, don't.
**[14:15] Oso**
Hey!
**[14:18] Oso**
Hey, Osomatsu!
**[14:22] Oso**
And down the hatch.
**[14:26] Oso**
Huh? Iyami?
**[14:27] Iyami**
Anyone want any vaccines?
***SIGN*** Vaccines
**[14:30] Oso**
Vaccines? Seriously?
**[14:32] Oso**
Why do you have vaccines?
**[14:34] Iyami**
Me made them.
**[14:35] Oso**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** Vaccine
**[14:36] Oso**
Yikes, that looks shady...
**[14:39] Iyami**
It's been approved by the WHO.
**[14:41] Oso**
Says you.
**[14:42] Iyami**
The director gives his seal of approval.
**[14:44] Oso**
Says you.
***SIGN*** 1 bottle 30 yen
**[14:45] Iyami**
Want one? Me will give you a discount.
**[14:48] Oso**
Nope.
**[14:49] Iyami**
What?! No?!
**[14:52] Iyami**
You must be scared.
**[14:54] Iyami**
That makes me sad. Where'd your
soul as a comedic character go?
**[14:58] Iyami**
You call yourself a Showa era character?
An Akatsuka character?
**[15:01] Iyami**
Aw, you softened up so much. Okay, that's fine.
**[15:05] Iyami**
So me can take this as you giving up
the show mantle and the Akatsuka pride?
***SIGN*** Osomatsu! *The* Osomatsu!
**[15:15] Iyami**
Values himself over his comedy!
**[15:16] Iyami**
He won't drink it! He's not diving right in!
**[15:18] Iyami**
Is that what you're saying?! Huh?!
***SIGN*** Vaccine
**[15:36] Iyami**
Thank you, come again.
**[15:58] Iyami**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[16:01] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:10] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:11] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[16:12] Both**
Space people!
**[16:15] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:16] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[16:18] Both**
Space people!
**[16:20] Ichi**
What are you doing?
**[16:21] Both**
We're calling a UFO.
**[16:23] Ichi**
Huh?
**[16:24] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:25] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[16:27] Both**
Space people!
**[16:28] Ichi**
Whoa, they actually came.
**[16:29] Dayon**
Yay! We did it!
**[16:39] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:40] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[16:41] Both**
Space people!
**[16:46] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:47] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[16:50] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[16:52] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[17:02] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[17:03] Dayon**
Dayontora!
**[17:06] Deka**
Hoehtora!
**[17:07] Ichi**
Ichitora!
**[17:08] Dayon**
Dayontora!
***SIGN*** Used Car Dealership
**[18:00] Choro**
They're in full bloom!
**[18:15] Choro**
I wonder where they are.
Maybe they're not here yet.
**[18:22] Guy**
Oh, that's not true!
**[18:49] (Flashback) Toto**
Wait! You're going home, Choromatsu-kun?
**[18:52] (Flashback) Toto**
Why?
**[18:54] (Flashback) Choro**
If they show up, could you
tell them I went home?
**[18:59] (Flashback) Choro**
I'm just not up to it.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[19:21] Choro**
Wha?!
**[19:27] Choro**
Huh?
**[19:50] Choro**
Hey, why are you here?
What happened to the flower viewing?
**[19:53] Todo**
I mean, I sorta went...
**[19:55] Jyushi**
It's just...
**[19:56] Choro**
Huh?
**[20:01] Choro**
Huh?!
**[20:02] Ichi**
Well, you didn't go, either. Why?
**[20:06] Ichi**
What?
**[20:12] Oso**
Let's go again sometime.
**[20:15] Oso**
It's fine. We can go
whenever we feel like it.
**[20:22] Kara**
Well, yeah.
**[20:23] Todo**
Well, yeah.
**[20:24] Choro**
This was your bright idea to begin with.
**[20:27] Oso**
Wait, it was?
**[20:28] Choro**
Seriously. You never follow through.
**[20:32] Todo**
Did you all get the booze and snacks ready?
**[20:35] All**
No.
**[20:36] Todo**
Jerks.
**[20:37] Todo**
God, you're worthless.
**[20:38] Oso**
I got some! But I drank it!
**[20:41] Kara**
Why did you drink it?
**[20:42] jyushi**
So you got us stuff, Totty?
**[20:44] Todo**
Like hell I did!
**[20:45] Jyushi**
What?!
**[20:46] Todo**
Why would I?!
**[20:47] Jyushi**
Do something for once!
**[20:48] Todo**
You're all supposed to do that for me!
**[21:10] Choro**
Well, at least we were able
to kill some time again today.
**[21:13] All**
Yeah.
**[21:16] Six**
Sigh...
**[21:18] Six**
I wonder when something good will happen...
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[21:24] Ichi**
Man, I'm starving.
**[21:27] Ichi**
I wonder what's for dinner tonight.
**[21:29] Oso**
Wanna play some mahjong after food?
**[21:31] Jyushi**
Good idea! Let's invite the Riceballs.
**[21:33] Kara**
Oh, yeah. Totoko-chan is
getting her driver's license.
**[21:37] Oso**
Wait, really? I'm gonna
get a ride from her first.
**[21:40] Choro**
Nyaa-chan's baby is so much bigger now.
**[21:43] Todo**
Hatabou's bigger now, too.
**[21:45] Jyushi**
As for me... I got into cryptocurrency.
**[21:49] Kara**
Huh?
**[21:50] Ichi**
I saw a UFO.
**[21:52] Choro**
Huh?
**[21:53] Todo**
Hey! Hey! Who the hell farted?!
**[21:56] Some**
God, that stinks!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Ending Card Illustration: Abiko Eiji
**[23:34] Oso**
You guys made it through
another season! Ready, and...
**[23:37] All**
Thank you very much!
**[23:40] Oso**
We hope to see you all
again someday! That's a wrap!
***SIGN*** See you again someday!
**[23:45] Some**
Good work, guys!
**[23:46] Some**
We're done!
**[23:48] Todo**
That was fun!
**[23:49] Ichi**
See you later.
**[23:49] Jyushi**
Bye, now! Bye-bye!
**[23:50] Some**
Great job!
**[23:50] Kara**
Good worknition.
**[23:51] Some**
Let's do this again!
**[23:51] Some**
Yeah, let's!