Season 2 E1 - Mr. Osomatsu Returns Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu Returns [00:05] Nar     Mr. Osomatsu returns! [00:10] Osomatsu**     It's an emergency! [00:13] Osomatsu     It's an emergency, I tell you! [00:14] Osomatsu     Karamatsu! [00:15] Karamatsu     Huh? [00:16] Osomatsu     Choromatsu! [00:16] Choromatsu     Hm? [00:17] Osomatsu     Ichimatsu! [00:18] Ichimatsu     Huh? [00:18] Osomatsu     Jyushimatsu! [00:20] Jyushimatsu     Huh? [00:20] Osomatsu     Todomatsu! [00:21] Todomatsu     Hm? [00:22] Five     What's the matter, Osomatsu-niisan? [00:25] Osomatsu     It's an emergency! [00:26] Osomatsu     Our anime that ended in March last year [00:30] Osomatsu     is starting up again today! [00:31] Five     What?! [00:33] Karamatsu     Is that really true, Osomatsu-niisan?! [00:35] Osomatsu     It is! Actually, it's already started! [00:37] All     Huh? [00:40] Karamatsu     He's right! We're on TV again! [00:44] Todomatsu     It's a miracle! [00:45] Four     Yay! [00:47] Choromatsu     I'm worried... [00:48] Osomatsu     What's the matter, Choromatsu? [00:50] Choromatsu     Well, our anime aired two years ago. [00:54] Choromatsu     I wonder if anyone even remembers us now. [00:56] Choromatsu     Did people actually wait for us? [00:59] Osomatsu     It'll be fine! [01:00] Four     Don't worry about it! [01:02] Osomatsu     If you're that worried, want to use this TV     to see what our future selves are like? [01:07] Choromatsu     What? We can actually do that? [01:09] Jyushimatsu     Yeah! I wanna see! [01:10] Todomatsu     I can't wait to see what     we're like as adults! [01:13] Karamatsu     It's so exciting! [01:14] Osomatsu     All right, guys, group up! [01:17] Osomatsu     All right, here we go. You guys ready? [01:19] All     Yeah! [01:20] Osomatsu     There! Our anime returns! [01:24] All     Returns! [01:29] Nar     Mr. Osomatsu, the TV anime.* [01:32] Nar*     It temporarily finished     broadcasting in March, 2016, [01:35] Nar     having created a slight buzz     and become slightly popular. [01:39] Nar     Now, a year and six months have passed. [01:43] Chibita     The hell... It's been so long. [01:46] Chibita     What've you been up to? [01:49] Iyami     What else? [01:51] Iyami     Me was vacationing in France. [01:55] Chibita     Huh... I see. [01:57] Iyami     Me is not a commoner like you. [01:59] Chibita     Really. [02:00] Iyami     You don't believe me, do you?! [02:02] Iyami     Here's the proof! Look, Trump Tower. [02:05] Chibita     That's not even France! [02:07] Chibita     Come to think of it, what are those idiots up to?     Why don't we stop by their place? [02:12] Iyami     Knowing those idiots,     me is sure nothing has changed. SIGN    Matsuno Monthly Parking [02:16] Iyami     They're probably just lazing around with     nothing to do and living meaningless lives— [02:20] Iyami     What? [02:22] Chibita     What?! What is this?! [02:25] Chibita     Is their house a lot bigger than it used to be? [02:28] Chibita     Has it been completely remodeled?! [02:29] Iyami     Seriously?! [02:30] Chibita     Look! Their front door has     an automatic lock on it! SIGN    Matsu [02:33] Iyami     Sheeeh! [02:34] Chibita     Their house is solar-powered, you idjit! [02:36] Iyami     Sheeeh! SIGN    Please Use Freely [02:37] Chibita     They even have Wi-fi! [02:38] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh... [02:40] Chibita     Wh-What's going on with these changes? [02:42] Chibita     When the hell did they     become this rich, you idjit?! [02:45] Iyami     Chibita, this must be it! SIGN    66 Hour TV [02:48] Chibita     Huh? Wha...? SIGN    Talk Show SIGN    Special Guests: Matsuyo, Matuzou [02:50] Chibita     What the heck's going on?! [02:51] Iyami     Look over there, too! [02:54] Chibita     Could those people be their fans?     Are they here to see them? [02:57] Chibita     The heck's going on?     What in the world happened? [03:00] Chibita     This almost makes it seem like     they're actually popular! [03:03] Chibita     What the hell's going on in this world?! [03:05] Chibita     Get a grip, world! Seriously, what the hell?! [03:08] Chibita     You idjits! Damn it! [03:09] Iyami     Wake up! We're talking about NEETs here! [03:12] Chibita     They're virgins! [03:13] Iyami     They're scum! [03:13] Chibita     Trash! [03:14] Iyami     Filth! [03:14] Chibita     Shi— [03:19] Chibita     I-It's no use... Their eyes     are completely soulless. [03:23] ---     Sheeeh... [03:24] Old     What've we got here? [03:26] Old     What, you guys wanna go see them     honorable Matsuno sextuplets? [03:30] Iyami     H-Honorable sextuplets?! [03:32] Old     Them honorable sextuplets     got their one hit. [03:35] Old     Because they got their one hit,     they were granted half-assed wealth and fame. [03:40] Old     Because of that, they're living the good     life in an awfully half-assed way. [03:43] Old     Wanna go see them? [03:55] Old     Hey, whatcha doin'? Hurry it up. [03:59] Old     The honorable sextuplets are in     the middle of their meet and greet. [04:02] Old     Make sure you don't get in their way. [04:03] Iyami     Meet and greet? [04:07] Old     Well, see ya. [04:12] Chibita     H-Hey, Osomatsu? Karamatsu? [04:15] Chibita     You here? Hey! [04:18] Iyami     Th-That's... [04:19] Chibita     Huh? The hell is that?! [04:33] Osomatsu     Hi. Here ya go. [04:35] Osomatsu     Yup. There. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [04:37] Both     Sheeeh! [04:43] Karamatsu     Yeah. [04:44] Karamatsu     There ya go. Yeah. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [04:51] Choromatsu     Yes, I see. [04:52] Choromatsu     Yes, indeed. Yup. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:01] ---     Keep your filthy hands away. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:07] Jyushimatsu     Yarp. [05:10] Jyushimatsu     Hi. Thanks. [05:12] Jyushimatsu     Hi. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:17] Totty     I'm Totty! [05:19] Totty     Aren't I cute? SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:23] Chibita     They're so gross... [05:25] Iyami     Sheeeh... [05:27] Osomatsu     Hey, guys! [05:32] Osomatsu     It's been a while.     You should've told us you were coming. [05:35] Osomatsu     We got, like, our one hit.     I don't really get it, but we got super rich. [05:42] Osomatsu     So working is pretty much     out of the question. [05:45] Osomatsu     We're living the high life.     It's so much fun being alive. [05:50] Choromatsu     Yeah, like, sorry and stuff.     We got super rich and became popular. [05:55] Choromatsu     It's so much fun being alive right now. [05:57] Karamatsu     Hey, here's Karamatsu-sama's     new single. Take it. SIGN    Jyushimatsu's Nummy Nums Gourmet [06:04] Jyushimatsu     Here. This is a cookbook I released. [06:06] Jyushimatsu     Want an autograph? [06:08] Totty     Ugh, this is so exhausting. [06:10] Totty     We have money, we're popular.     It's exhausting to even breathe. [06:18] Osomatsu     Oh, yeah. Why don't we order     some sushi for them? [06:22] Choro     Sushi? Sounds good. Yeah, it'll be our treat. [06:24] Totty     Here. Which set should we get? [06:26] Osomatsu     Well, the Matsu set, of course. [06:30] Osomatsu     We are Matsus, after all. [06:36] Choromatsu     B-Because we're Matsus! [06:38] Totty     The sushi set is called Matsu     and we're Matsus, too! [06:41] Karamatsu     That's too funny! [06:42] Jyushimatsu     Your jokes are so funny! [06:43] Ichimatsu     No wonder we hit it big.     No wonder we're popular. [06:50] Mom     What? Of course that won't do. SIGN    Collaboration Proposal Room [06:53] Mom     There's no way our adorable sextuplets     would do something so vulgar. [06:58] Dad     They're national stars now.     What if that'll make people hate them? SIGN    Proposal [07:02] Mom     No dirty jokes! [07:02] Dad     No being vulgar! [07:03] Mom     Nothing grotesque! [07:04] Dad     No more parodies! SIGN    King General [07:05] Mom     Cuteness prevails! [07:07] Dad     Cuteness prevails! SIGN    Matsu [07:08] Mom     My little sextuplets! [07:09] Dad     Our cute little sextuplets! SIGN    Merchandise Production Room [07:15] Totoko     Okay! We've made some new merchandise     for the little sextuplets! [07:20] Totoko     First... Ta-da! [07:23] Totoko     An Osomatsu-kun keyholder for 5,000 yen! [07:25] Hatabou     It's cute, jo. [07:27] Totoko     Next... Ta-da! SIGN    Karamatsu [07:29] Totoko     A Karamatsu-kun sweatshirt for 10,000 yen! [07:32] Hatabou     Very well-made, jo. [07:34] Totoko     Ta-da! A Choromatsu-kun     plushie for 30,000 yen! [07:38] Hatabou     I totally want it, jo. [07:40] Totoko     Ta-da! An Ichimatsu-kun     figure set for 100,000 yen! [07:43] Hatabou     It'll be sold at a premium, jo. [07:45] Buyer 1     P-Pardon me. [07:47] Buyer 1     Er, uh... I have to wonder     about the quality... [07:52] Totoko     Tch. Quality? [07:55] Totoko     Who the hell cares about quality?!     If we put this crap out, it sells! [07:59] Totoko     Just put this crap out and sell it! [08:01] Totoko     We're just here to make a buck!      Ain't nothin' better! SIGN    Money [08:05] Totoko     I'm filthy rich because of those sextuplets! [08:07] Hatabou     Cash cows, jo. [08:12] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:12] Chibita     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! SIGN    A Dingy Cabaret SIGN    Sake [08:15] Dekapan     We'll let you all in on a little secret. [08:19] Dekapan     Believe it or not, we're the ones who     made that anime about those sextuplets. [08:24] Dayon     That was our achievement! [08:29] Dekapan     Do you want to meet the sextuplets? [08:31] Dayon     Well? [08:40] Osomatsu     Bring me more sake! [08:48] Jyushimatsu     Tastes great. [08:52] Totty     You're cute! [08:54] Totty     Oh, uggos can leave. Seriously. SIGN    Choromatsu's Animation School SIGN    Special Instructor SIGN    Choromatsu-sensei has arrived!! [09:02] Choromatsu     Everyone, pay attention to me! SIGN    The importance of bishojo in anime -What is "moe"? -The possibility of cowlicks Glasses-chans are... Younger... SIGN    I'm late, I'm late! [09:04] Choromatsu     So with proper anime...     the popular characters... Do you understand? [09:11] Ichimatsu     I'll think positively with     peaceful love vibes, man... [09:30] Osomatsu     Man, we totally took over the whole country. [09:33] Five     Right? [09:34] Osomatsu     No one complains anymore. [09:36] Five     Right? [09:37] Osomatsu     Now our future is... [09:39] Osomatsu     secure! [09:41] Five     Secure! [09:42] Osomatsu     It's secure! [09:44] Five     Secure! [09:45] Six     This is how it should be! [09:51] Mob     The hell it is! SIGN    Don't forgive those sextuplets! SIGN    Die! SIGN    Death to vulgar anime! [09:53] Mob 2     Who do you NEET virgins think you are?! SIGN    KILL SIGN    Divine punishment [09:56] Mob 3     Osomatsu-san, my ass! SIGN    Vulgarity [09:58] Mob     Stop getting carried away! [10:00] Mob 2     Who do you think you are?! [10:01] Karamatsu     Hot! Hot! [10:01] Mob 3     Divine punishment! [10:04] Mob 4     How about you die? [10:13] Chibita     Well, yeah... We saw that coming. [10:16] Chibita     Aw, man... It's all over, you idjits. [10:19] Iyami     Over. [10:26] Osomatsu     Huh? [10:28] Karamatsu     Wha...? [10:29] Todomatsu     What was that? [10:30] Choromatsu     That's what our future's     supposed to be like? [10:33] Jyushimatsu     We were all scum. [10:35] Ichimatsu     Yeah, there was only trash. [10:39] Six     What?! [10:41] Choromatsu     What was that?! Is that how we're     going to end up in the future?! [10:44] Jyushimatsu     No! [10:45] Jyushimatsu     Anime over! It's over! [10:47] Todomatsu     We totally shouldn't do it anymore! [10:49] Five     Someone save us! [10:50] Osomatsu     C-Calm down, guys! [10:52] Five     Huh? [10:53] Osomatsu     We still have time! [10:54] Osomatsu     If we start working hard now, [10:56] Osomatsu     we can become a great anime     that's loved by everyone! [11:00] Ichimatsu     Really, Osomatsu-niisan? [11:02] Osomatsu     Yeah, let's do our best. [11:03] Osomatsu     We're going to be reborn! Starting now! [11:05] Five     Got it! [11:08] Nar     And so the sextuplets decided to     work hard and have a proper future. [11:14] Osomatsu     Let's do this properly... [11:15] Choromatsu     Properly. [11:17] Ichimatsu     We'll do this right. [11:18] Jyushimatsu     We'll work hard... [11:20] Jyushimatsu     ...and change... [11:21] Karamatsu     ...into a great anime... [11:23] Todomatsu     ...so that everyone will love us. [11:25] Nar     Then ten-odd years passed,     and in the end... [11:57] Wife     Oh, good morning, darling. [11:59] Daughter     Morning, Daddy! [12:01] Osomatsu     Good morning. [12:03] Wife     Oh, goodness.     You're spilling food everywhere. [12:14] Osomatsu     All right, I'll be off. [12:16] Wife     Osomatsu? [12:20] Wife     Have a good day. [12:21] Osomatsu     I will. [12:27] Daughter     Bye-bye, Daddy! [12:31] Osomatsu     I became... proper. [12:34] Osomatsu     Ever since then, I've worked properly     and properly became great. [12:37] Junior     Chief Matsuno! Good morning! [12:40] Osomatsu     See? I'm doing this properly. [12:43] Osomatsu     Look. Properly. [12:46] Osomatsu     Yup. [12:47] Osomatsu     I'm doing it properly. [12:51] Osomatsu     I'm so proper. [12:53] Osomatsu     I'm doing it properly. This is amazing. [12:57] Bg     You can do it! [12:58] Osomatsu     I'm doing this properly! [13:00] Osomatsu     Go, me! [13:05] Osomatsu     And today, after so long,     I'm finally reuniting with the other guys. [13:11] Osomatsu     I'm sure that they've become     even more proper than I have. [13:15] Karamatsu     Yo, Osomatsu. [13:17] Osomatsu     You're... Karamatsu! [13:21] Karamatsu     It's been a while, Osomatsu. [13:23] Osomatsu     Wow, that's amazing! You grew up properly! [13:27] Karamatsu     Well, this isn't all. [13:29] Osomatsu     Huh? [13:32] Osomatsu     Wh-Who are those guys? [13:37] Osomatsu     What?! [13:59] Karamatsu     Mission complete. [14:01] Osomatsu     You're doing it properly!     You're sci-fi now, Karamatsu? [14:05] Osomatsu     So you went that direction! [14:06] Osomatsu     Man, you've grown up so much! [14:08] Karamatsu     Well, I worked hard. [14:10] Osomatsu     I see! You're doing it properly! [14:12] Totoko     Osomatsu-niisan! Karamatsu-niisan! [14:14] Choro     It's been a while. [14:16] Osomatsu     Choromatsu! Totoko-chan! [14:19] Karamatsu     Oh, so you guys also properly... [14:22] Choro (totoko)     Have you been well, Osomatsu-kun? [14:24] Osomatsu     Huh? [14:24] Totoko (choromatsu)     How have you been, Karamatsu-niisan? [14:26] Karamatsu     Huh? [14:28] Karamatsu     C-Could it be that you two... [14:30] Totoko     That's right. My body and Totoko-chan's      have been switched. [14:35] Both     They're doing it properly! [14:37] Osomatsu     Boys and girls switching bodies?     You guys are doing it so properly! [14:41] Karamatsu     That'll be a hit! It'll be so popular! [14:44] Karamatsu     How'd you even switch bodies? [14:46] Totoko     We worked hard. [14:47] Karamatsu     Well done! [14:48] Choromatsu     We worked real hard. [14:49] Karamatsu     I see! That's great! [14:50] Ichimatsu     Guys! [14:52] Four     Ichimatsu?! [14:56] Ichimatsu     Guys, I'm going on a quest     to find the mysterious temple [15:01] Ichimatsu     called Under the Pulse     that's said to be under the sea. [15:04] Ichimatsu     But none of the adults in Heaven believe me.     That's why I'm going to find it. [15:09] Ichimatsu     With my sword and my undying passion, [15:11] Ichimatsu     I'll put an end to this battle of the gods! [15:14] Choro and totoko     He's doing it properly! [15:16] Choromatsu     An adventure fantasy!     There's no doubt about it! [15:18] Choromatsu     That's a hit in every generation! [15:20] Totoko     You've grown up so much! [15:22] Ichimatsu     Well, I worked hard. [15:23] Totoko     I see. [15:24] Jyushimatsu     Hey, guys! [15:27] Five     Jyushimatsu! [15:44] Ichimatsu     He's doing it properly! [15:46] Ichimatsu     You went 3D? That's so great! [15:50] Jyushimatsu     I worked hard! [15:51] Ichimatsu     I see. [15:53] Todomatsu     Hey, hey! [15:54] Six     Todomatsu! [15:58] Jyushimatsu     He's doing it properly! [16:01] Totty     I'm Totty. [16:02] Totty     Sorry to keep you all waiting! [16:04] Jyushimatsu     Live action, huh?     So that's the final form... [16:07] Karamatsu     We've developed in so many ways. [16:09] Osomatsu     You're all amazing!     I almost didn't recognize you! [16:12] Osomatsu     We're all doing this properly! [16:19] Bg     We're doing it properly! [16:21] ---     We're proper, all right! [16:24] Iyami     Sheeeh! It's not over yet! [16:28] Osomatsu     That's... [16:33] Iyami     I'll be the one to rule over this world! [16:36] Chibita     Everyone who resists will be killed, you idjits. [16:42] Jyushimatsu     There you are, proper enemy! [16:44] Osomatsu     All right, let's defeat him! [16:46] Five     Yeah! [16:47] Six     Let's go! [16:56] Osomatsu     Take off properly! [16:58] Five     Take off properly! [17:00] Osomatsu     A proper mecha! [17:02] Five     A proper mecha! [17:04] Song     We still can't get enough [17:07] Song     Of dreams, love, and desires [17:09] Song     It's not just all about justice and courage [17:13] Osomatsu     Transform properly! [17:15] Five     Transform properly! [17:15] ---     The established regularity     of the world will sustain us [17:18] Osomatsu     Combine properly! [17:21] Five     Combine properly! [17:21] ---     Unleash the proper power of the future [17:32] ---     Properly combine [17:35] Osomatsu     A proper ultimate attack! [17:35] ---     Properly, yeah, yeah [17:37] ---     We'll change everything     ourselves if we have to [17:37] Five     A proper ultimate attack! [17:41] Chibita     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [17:43] ---     We're going to get our hands on a proper future [17:49] Iyami     Sheeeh! [17:49] ---     With our proper lives [17:51] Osomatsu     We're having a proper momentary crisis! [17:54] Five     We're having a proper momentary crisis! [17:56] Iyami     Sheeeh! [18:02] Osomatsu     But... we'll defeat him properly! [18:03] ---     Properly transform [18:04] Five     We'll defeat him properly! [18:05] ---     Properly run [18:07] ---     So we can take hold of our proper future [18:08] Iyami     Sh-Sheeeh! [18:23] Osomatsu     And then... [18:25] Osomatsu     We linger properly. [18:28] Five     We linger properly. [18:34] Osomatsu     We're so great! [18:37] Five     We're so great! [18:40] Osomatsu     We're perfect! [18:42] Five     We're perfect! [19:02] Nar     And so the sextuplets     successfully became proper, [19:06] Nar     and were reborn into a proper,     wonderful anime. SIGN    To Be Continued [19:11] Nar     Please look forward to     next week's episode, too. [19:25] Osomatsu     All right! Let's continue to work hard! [19:27] Osomatsu     That way, our future will be... [19:29] Osomatsu     secure! [19:31] Five     Secure! [19:32] Osomatsu     Secure! [19:34] Five     Secure! [19:35] Osomatsu     This is how... [19:36] All     ...it should be! SIGN    Kill the Matsu! [19:38] Guy     The hell you're being proper,     you shitty anime! [19:41] Mob     You're wrong! [19:42] Mob     What do you mean, "proper"?! [19:44] Mob     Get a grip, you pieces of trash! [19:46] Nar     And so the sextuplets were     shit if they got big heads... [19:49] Nar     and they were shit even if     they did things properly. [19:52] Nar     They wandered into a labyrinth     with absolutely no exit. [19:56] Nar     And then... [19:58] Nar     they became adults [20:00] Nar     without ever figuring out what they     should do, or where they should go. [20:08] Todomatsu     No, no, no... [20:09] Jyushimatsu     No, no, no... [20:10] Ichimatsu     No, no, no, no, no... [20:11] Choromatsu     No, no, no... [20:12] Karamatsu     No, no, no... [20:13] Osomatsu     No, no, no, no... [20:19] Choromatsu     No, seriously! What are we supposed to do?! [20:21] Choromatsu     We didn't change at all in the end! [20:23] Choromatsu     There's an episode next week, too! [20:25] Osomatsu     Well, um, you know... [20:29] Osomatsu     We basically don't have a future. [20:34] Nar     After this and that, [20:37] Nar     their story is about to begin once again. SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Super Detergent" etc. [23:44] Osomatsu     Heya! We should at least do the     next episode preview properly. [23:46] Osomatsu     Here's the first one for next week!     It's finally g— SIGN    Please Watch Again!! E2 - Super Detergent Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Congratulations!     Employment!!" [01:47] Osomatsu     U-Um... [01:48] Dad     NEETS! [01:50] Dad     Do you understand what's going on?     Your mother and I are very angry with you. [01:54] Mom     Yes, we're getting annoyed. [01:56] Dad     Yes, we're getting annoyed. [01:59] Dad     Osomatsu! [02:01] Dad     Tell us why we're so angry. [02:04] Osomatsu     Huh? Uh, well... [02:07] Osomatsu     Did we do anything to make you mad? [02:11] Osomatsu     Um... Oh! Because we're virgins? [02:14] Dad     Dear? [02:15] Mom     Yup. [02:27] Mom     Your nipples are gone, Osomatsu. [02:29] Dad     I'm beginning to like this, dear. [02:30] Mom     I am, too, dear. [02:32] Dad     Ichimatsu. [02:33] Dad     What about you? [02:35] Dad     Have you done anything to upset us? [02:40] Mom     Well? Can you think of anything? [02:44] Ichi     Oh, I got it. [02:46] Ichi     The tuna cans. [02:48] Ichi     The cans of tuna stocked under the sink. [02:50] Ichi     You must be mad because I gave one     of them to a stray cat without asking. [02:55] Ichi     Sorry. [02:55] Dad     Dear? [02:56] Mom     Yup. [03:00] Mom     No, that's not it at all. [03:01] Dad     Definitely not it. Next, Jyushimatsu. [03:05] Dad     What about you? [03:08] Jyushimatsu     B-Because we aren't working. [03:10] Dad     Oyo? [03:10] Mom     Oyoyo? [03:11] Jyushimatsu     Because even though we're adults     well over twenty, we're still unemployed. [03:16] Jyushi     Sorry! So sorry! [03:17] Jyushi     So sorry about that! [03:19] Dad     So long as you understand, Jyushimatsu. [03:22] Mom     Thank goodness. I'm relieved. [03:25] Choro     Thank goodness. [03:27] Kara     You saved us. [03:28] Todo     Nice, Jyushimatsu-niisan. [03:29] Dad     And? [03:30] Four     Huh? [03:30] Dad     And when are you going to start working? [03:33] Jyushimatsu     Oh... Uh... [03:35] Jyushi     In about five years, I think. [03:37] Dad     Dear? [03:37] Mom     Yup. [03:40] Three     No! [03:42] Mom     So close. [03:43] Dad     Karamatsu. [03:45] Dad     What about you? When are you     going to start working? [03:47] Kara     I'm going to start today, of course. [03:49] Dad     Oyo? [03:50] Mom     Oyoyo? [03:51] Kara     But of course. [03:53] Kara     We've lived so long in obscurity... [03:55] Kara     But it appears the time has come to show     the world what we're truly made of! [03:59] Kara     Job hunting? Very well, I accept! [04:02] Kara     I won't run away! Nay, I will not run away! [04:05] Kara     Behold my awakened form and watch     over me, Mommy and Dadd— [04:11] Mom     I respect your resolve,     but the way you talk pisses me off. [04:15] Dad     What about you, Todomatsu? [04:17] Dad     What kind of job are you     going to be starting today? [04:20] Dad     Todomatsu. [04:23] Mom     Totty. [04:28] Todo     Hell if I know, you morons. [04:31] Todo     I don't know! [04:33] Todo     I don't want to experience anything     bothersome ever in my whole life. [04:37] Todo     Bye. [04:39] Choro     He did it himself?! [04:41] Choro     How beautiful! [04:42] Dad     Well, see you, Choromatsu. [04:45] Dad     We're leaving the rest up to you. [04:47] Mom     We're counting on you, Choromatsu. [04:57] Oso     The hell? What the hell was all that about? [05:00] Oso     Is the fact that we aren't     looking for jobs that bad? [05:03] Todo     Our parents are so selfish! They could     afford to take care of us a little longer! [05:07] Jyushi     Give us back our nipples! [05:09] Oso     What's the matter, Choromatsu? [05:11] Choro     Why was I the only one spared? [05:13] Oso     Ah, the violence known as     "expectation." Must be rough. [05:19] Choro     This is all your fault! [05:20] Oso     Huh? [05:21] Choro     It's because you, the eldest,     can't get his shit together [05:24] Choro     that it's all come down to me! [05:26] Oso     Oh, no. I've successfully kept running     away from all that stuff this whole time. [05:30] Oso     Things are finally starting to pan out. [05:33] Oso     Our parents are starting to give up on me. [05:35] Choro     Huh?! [05:35] Todo     That's some way to look at it... [05:37] Oso     Let me tell you that anyone     can become a failure... [05:41] Oso     but it takes hard work to     become a piece of shit. [05:43] Choro     The hell are you talking about?! [05:44] Oso     Ow! I'm against violence! [05:46] Todo     Ow! Why me?! [05:48] Kara     Why you?! [05:53] Choro     Seriously, we just need to start working. [05:55] Choro     At this rate, we're really     going to get kicked out. [05:58] Ichi     Let's die. [06:02] Todo     Then why don't we try streaming? [06:04] Five     Streaming? [06:05] Todo     Yup. We'll all take videos of something     and upload them to the internet. SIGN    Totty      Channel [06:08] Todo     If we can get enough views,     it'll turn into money. [06:10] Five     Huh... [06:11] Todo     Wait, you've never heard of it? I'm shocked. [06:13] Oso     Uh, I'm more amazed that     you have your own channel. [06:17] Choro     Streaming, huh...     That might not be a bad idea. [06:20] Kara     That sounds like something we can do. [06:22] Jyushi     Easy peasy! [06:23] Oso     Let's give it a shot. [06:25] Ichi     No, let's die. [06:27] Todo     Okay. You can start at any time. [06:30] Choro     It's already going? [06:32] Todo     Yup. We're currently streaming worldwide. [06:36] Oso     Hey, I'm Osomatsu! [06:38] Oso     Let's have some oden with a ton of mustard! [06:40] Todo     Wait, seriously?! [06:41] Oso     Let's dig... in! [06:46] Jyushi     I'm Jyushimatsu!     I'm gonna do something funny. [06:50] Jyushi     I'm Odenman! [06:52] Kara     So you've shown yourself,     Odenman! Take this! [06:55] Kara     Nipple Beam! [06:57] Jyushi     Aiyee! Stop! [06:58] Jyushi     Save me, Completely Naked Man! [06:59] Ichi     Huh? [07:00] Ichi     You called? [07:01] Oso     Hey, no fair! I'm gonna be     Completely Naked Man too, then! [07:04] Kara     No fair! Completely Naked Man! [07:06] Jyushi     Yeah! Completely Naked Man! [07:08] Choro     You somehow always end up     with your clothes off... [07:14] Totty     Hey, everyone! I'm Totty! [07:16] Totty     I'm currently looking for a girlfriend! [07:17] Oso     Hey! Why are you trying to be all popular?! [07:21] Totty     I have no idea who these people are. [07:23] Oso     Hey! [07:24] Kara     Hey, do something, Choromatsu. [07:25] Ichi     What? You're gonna eat     oden through your ass? [07:28] Oso     Seriously?! [07:28] Choro     Like I could! Wait, stop, hey! [07:30] Choro     It's not possible! Hey! [07:36] Oso     Cheers! [07:38] All     Cheers! [07:40] Oso     Man... We finally got a job. [07:43] Choro     Yeah, we totally did. [07:45] Kara     So starting today,     our job will be streaming. Not bad. [07:49] Todo     We finally found a steady job! [07:50] Jyushi     We're gonna make money! [07:51] Ichi     We'll show them... [08:09] Choro     So cold. [08:11] Choro     Hey, guys. Hey! [08:14] Ichi     I'm thirsty... [08:16] Oso     Totty. [08:18] Oso     How many views did we get? [08:20] Oso     100K? A million? [08:23] Todo     Let's see... [08:24] Todo     Oh. Looks like we got reported. SIGN    Video not found [08:27] Todo     Our video's been deleted. [08:28] Five     Huh? [08:33] Oso     What the hell? We're already out of a job? [08:37] Kara     And after we finally found a job, too... [08:43] Todo     Well, you know. Working is hard and stuff. [08:46] Choro     It's not something you can     do so easily after all. [08:54] Oso     Guess we have no choice.     We're gonna have to do this for real. [08:57] All     Huh? [08:58] Oso     Let's show them...     exactly what we're made of. [09:04] All     Yeah! SIGN    Employment Office SIGN    Consultation Corner [09:47] Guy     Yeah, that's not happening. [09:49] Six     What?! [09:50] Oso     Why not?! We just lost our jobs! SIGN    Let's live happily! [09:53] Oso     You get unemployment when     you lose your job, right?! [09:55] Guy     Please leave. [09:56] Choro     It's true! We got a job yesterday,     and lost it this morning! [10:00] Guy     Leave. [10:01] Kara     That's messed up, Japan! [10:02] Guy     You're the ones who are messed up. [10:03] Todo     The heck's wrong with you, Japan?! [10:05] Guy     What's wrong with all of you? [10:06] Both     What? We can't get unemployment? [10:09] Oso     This is so messed up! [10:10] Guy     You're the ones who are messed up! [10:11] Six     Die, Japan! [10:13] Guy     All of you can die! SIGN    Comments SIGN    [Hell] NEET Sextuplets Gone Wild Stream Employment Office SIGN    Viewing: SIGN    End [10:21] Chibita     Holy crap. SIGN    "Super Detergent" [10:32] Iyami     There's a party today! [10:34] Iyami     Me wonders if there's a cutie     there befitting of me. [10:37] Iyami     Bonjour, mademoiselle! [10:40] Iyami     Beautiful flowers have thorns... [10:42] Iyami     It appears that me has been     pricked by one of those thorns. [10:44] Iyami     "Oh, Iyami-san!" Just kidding! [10:54] Boy     Sorry, Mister. [10:55] Boy     Could you get our ball? [10:57] Iyami     Sheeeh! [11:03] Boy     What the heck was that for? [11:05] Iyami     This is how the world works.     Me hopes you learned something. [11:10] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sheeeh! [11:13] Iyami     Me can't go to the party now... [11:16] Iyami     It won't come off. Me won't make it in time. [11:20] Deka     No need to worry. [11:23] Deka     Just a moment. [11:24] Deka     That's strange... I'm sure I put     it next to this gold ball... [11:27] Deka     Oh, I remember! [11:30] Iyami     It stinks! [11:31] Deka     This is a magical detergent that gets rid     of any stubborn stain in an instant. [11:37] Deka     It's super detergent. [11:39] Iyami     Super detergent? [11:41] Deka     You pour this on a stain,     like this, and then... [11:44] Iyami     Sheeeh! [11:47] Deka     And just like that, it's gone! [11:49] Deka     Nothing on the market can compare! [11:52] Deka     But you need to be careful.     It's very potent. [11:56] Deka     If you use it the wrong way,     it could be very dangerous... [11:59] Deka     Oh? [12:03] Iyami     Now me will make it in time for the party! [12:05] Iyami     This must be because me     is always such a good boy! [12:07] Oso     Hey, it's Iyami. [12:09] Iyami     Sheeeh! Of all people... [12:11] Oso     Whatcha doin'? [12:12] Iyami     Oh, hello, Todomatsu. [12:14] Oso     I'm Osomatsu. [12:15] Iyami     Ah, hello, Jyushimatsu. [12:17] Oso     I said I'm Osomatsu.     You seriously don't remember, do you? [12:20] Todo     Are you headed somewhere?     You look fancy today. [12:24] Iyami     M-Me is just on a walk. [12:26] Kara     A walk? Are you sure? [12:29] Iyami     Just on a walk... SIGN    Matsu [12:30] Ichi     Really? [12:31] Iyami     A walk! Me is very busy, you know! [12:42] Iyami     Sheeeh! Stop following me! [12:45] Choro     You're acting suspicious.     You're going somewhere, aren't you? [12:47] Ichi     You said yourself that you're busy,     so you're not on a walk. [12:53] Oso     Well? Iyami-kun? [12:59] Iyami     Sheeeh! [13:00] Six     Hey! Wait up! SIGN    Crystal SIGN    All Japan     Overbite General Meeting [13:12] Iyami     Wow, you must be rich! [13:14] Ichi     So good. [13:15] Jyushi     So good! This salmon is awesome! [13:18] Kara     There's even champagne, Totty. [13:19] Totty     Thanks. [13:20] Choro     What the heck? I guess we don't     need to work to eat like this. [13:24] Oso     Yeah, no kidding. [13:26] Iyami     Sheeeh... [13:30] Iyami     Wh-Where's the bathroom? [13:32] Kara     Oh? I've spotted a tasty-looking adult beverage. [13:35] Jyushi     Wanna try it? [13:40] Ichi     Come on, you maggots.     You want to drink mine, don't you? [13:44] All     Yes, sir, we do! [13:46] Ichi     What are we drinking, anyway? [13:47] Kara     I'm too drunk to tell. [13:53] Oso     Well, see ya, Iyami. [13:54] All     Bye-bye! [13:57] Iyami     They aren't human... [14:01] Iyami     Where's the detergent?! Where'd it go? [14:04] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sheeeh? SIGN    Crystal [14:10] Iyami     Sheeeh! [14:13] Oso     Man, we're drunk. [14:15] Choro     We sure are. [14:16] Jyushi     It was yummy! [14:17] Ichi     I'm glad to be alive. [14:19] Kara     I'm so full. [14:20] Totty     What am I going to do if I get fat? [14:22] Kara     Hey, come on, Jyushimatsu.     You're way too drunk. [14:25] Jyu     Huh? [14:26] Kara     You're so drunk, look... [14:27] Kara     You're becoming see-through. [14:29] Jyu     Huh? Oh, you're right.     I'm becoming see-through. [14:33] Todo     Well, so are you, Karamatsu-niisan. [14:36] Ichi     You are, too, Totty. [14:37] Todo     Huh? [14:38] Todo     What?! When did this happen?! [14:46] Kara     What the hell? What's going on? [14:48] Jyushi     Why? Why's my body see-through?! [14:51] Oso     Huh?! What is this? [14:53] Ichi     What's going on? [14:55] Choro     We're becoming even more invisible!     We're becoming even more invisible! [14:58] Jyu     Are we just going to disappear like this? No! [15:02] Kara     We're becoming invisible! [15:03] Oso     We're becoming invisible! [15:04] Ichi     We're becoming invisible! [15:05] Todo     We're becoming invisible! [15:11] Six     Huh? [15:13] Both     We didn't become completely invisible! [15:15] Kara     Why?! It just stopped! [15:17] Todo     What's going on?! [15:18] Todo     Shouldn't this end up with us     becoming completely invisible, [15:21] Todo     spying on some girl in the bath, SIGN    Hot Springs [15:23] Todo     the invisibility suddenly wearing off,     and us panicking? [15:25] Todo     Isn't that the usual pattern?! [15:28] Ichi     Why did it stop halfway?     This is just inconvenient. [15:32] Oso     Holy crap, this is annoying! [15:34] All     So annoying! [15:36] Todo     Not to mention gross! [15:37] Both     Gross! [15:39] Todo     Hey, look! Osomatsu-niisan's organs... [15:42] Todo     Don't they look super sloppy?     It's like they're not even trying... [15:46] All     Wow, you're right. [15:48] Oso     Hey! Stop looking at my organs! [15:50] Oso     It's embarrassing somehow... [15:51] Choro     Now look at my excellent     organs in comparison! [15:56] Todo     Wow! They're really well-arranged! [15:58] Todo     They almost look like a display. [16:00] Ichi     But isn't that kinda boring? [16:02] Choro     Huh? [16:03] Jyushi     Yeah. Your organs are really     boring, Choromatsu-niisan. [16:06] Choro     I'm not quite sure why     I'm being attacked here... [16:09] Kara     Here's how mine look. [16:11] Oso     Why is your heart a disco ball?! [16:13] Todo     What the hell?! [16:14] Kara     Haha! [16:16] Choro     What about you, Jyushimatsu? [16:17] Jyushi     Me? [16:18] Jyshi     This is what mine look like. [16:20] Todo     Whoa! His organs are laughing! [16:22] Kara     What's going on?! [16:23] Choro     Even his organs are Jyushimatsu! [16:24] Kara     What's going on?! [16:26] Jyushi     I wonder what that means! [16:27] Todo     Mine are normal. [16:29] Ichi     Oh. You're right. [16:32] Choro     No, wait! He doesn't have a heart! [16:34] Four     What?! [16:36] Oso     He has no heart! [16:37] Oso     Where did you drop your     precious heart, Todomatsu?! [16:40] Todo     Oh, you're right! [16:41] Todo     This is hilarious! [16:42] Ichi     H-He's smiling... [16:43] Choro     I knew he was heartless, but... [16:46] Oso     What about Ichimatsu? [16:47] Ichi     Huh? Don't worry about mine... [16:49] Choro     No! Show us! [16:51] Todo     Ichimatsu-niisan! [16:51] Oso     Show us, Ichimatsu! [16:55] Ichi     S-Stop... [16:57] Todo     Whoa, what is this? SIGN    Caution: Fragile [17:00] Todo     So delicate... [17:02] Oso     He's always emitting a dark aura, [17:04] Oso     but maybe he just gets hurt really easily. SIGN    Caution: Fragile [17:07] Oso     Holy crap, it cracked! I'm so sorry! [17:11] Oso     But, man... I know we're sextuplets,     but I guess we really are all different. [17:17] Todo     Yeah... [17:18] Four     Yeah... [17:22] Choro     Wait, seriously! What are we gonna do?! [17:24] Choro     "We really are all different," my ass! [17:26] Choro     What are we going to do?     We can't live like this! [17:28] Todo     Well, we can't go out looking like this. [17:31] Kara     I don't mind going out looking like this. [17:33] Choro     You don't. [17:35] Oso     What should we do? [17:37] Jyushi     Hey, guys. [17:39] Jyushi     Wanna paint ourselves with paint? [17:41] All     Good idea! [17:44] Jysuhimatsu     Do a good job. [17:45] Oso     Stay still. [17:46] Todo     We need to paint his clothes, too. [17:48] All     There! All done! [17:53] Jyushi     Huh?! Do I look this bad?! [17:55] Five     Yeah. [17:57] Jyushi     I look like this?! [17:58] Five     Yup. [17:59] Jyushi     This bad?! [18:00] Five     That bad. [18:01] Jyushi     That's not good! [18:02] Five     Nope. [18:03] Ichi     I-If you would... [18:04] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan is so easy to draw! [18:07] Kara     He's got something that stands out. [18:09] Five     Okay! All done! [18:13] Ichi     Wait, do I seriously look this bad? [18:15] Five     Yeah. [18:16] Ichi     I look like this? [18:17] Five     Yup. [18:19] Ichi     This bad? [18:19] Five     That bad. [18:21] Ichi     That's not good. [18:22] Five     Nope. [18:24] Kara     I'm counting on you, Totty.     Recreate my coolness. [18:27] Todo     Yeah, sure. [18:29] Todo     I'm done. [18:32] Kara     Totty! Draw me properly! [18:35] Todo     Well, we can tell it's you,     right? That's plenty, isn't it? [18:37] Kara     You need to have more interest in others! [18:39] Oso     Todomatsu! You need to draw him properly. [18:41] Oso     Look at how I drew Choromatsu!     Isn't it perfect? SIGN    Fappy [18:46] Todo     It's perfect! That's totally Choromatsu-niisan! [18:50] Choro     Hey! You shitty eldest brother! [18:53] Jyushi     Who's next? Totty? [18:55] Totty     Oh, I'm fine. I'll draw myself. [18:57] Kara     Don't be like that. I'll draw you. [18:59] Totty     Don't touch me. I'll do it. [19:01] Kara     Huh? [19:03] Totty     Okay, all done! [19:06] Totty     I'm Totty! [19:07] All     Gross! [19:09] Choro     Did your eyelashes always look like that? [19:10] Totty     My potential is on another level. [19:12] Kara     Good grief. You love yourself     entirely too much, Todomatsu. [19:15] Ichi     Did that just come out of your mouth?! [19:17] Jyushi     Osomatsu-niisan is the only one left. [19:19] Oso     Hurry, hurry! Why am I last, anyway? [19:22] Jyu     Here we go. [19:23] Oso     Okay! [19:26] Oso     Huh? What's wrong? [19:28] Oso     Hurry up and draw me. SIGN    Fappy [19:30] Todo     Well... SIGN    Fappy [19:33] Todo     We can't remember what your face looks like. [19:35] Four     Yeah... [19:36] Oso     What?! What's that supposed to mean? [19:38] Todo     Wait, what did Osomatsu-niisan look like? [19:42] Oso     Wait, wait, wait, wait! [19:43] Choro     He's too normal... SIGN    Fappy [19:46] Oso     Hey! Don't call me normal! [19:46] Kara     He doesn't have any distinguishing features. [19:48] Oso     Hey! [19:49] Ichi     He's so obscure... [19:50] Oso     Hey! [19:51] Todo     He's just so plain... [19:52] Oso     Don't use the word "plain"! [19:54] Jyushi     Basically, he doesn't stand out. [19:56] Oso     Stop it! [19:57] Oso     Just hurry up and draw me, damn it! [19:59] Todo     Well, I guess anything works. [20:00] Oso     No, it doesn't work! Draw me properly! [20:02] Choro     Okay, okay. I guess when     it comes down to it, [20:04] Choro     we just have to draw him to look     like a stupid, pervy piece of shit, right? [20:08] Todo     Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.     Not a failure, but a piece of shit. [20:11] Oso     No, really. You don't need to     joke right now. Just draw me! [20:15] Five     We're done! SIGN    Fappy [20:18] Todo     Yeah, he definitely looks like a     stupid, pervy, trashy, piece of shit. [20:21] Oso     Just you wait, you bastards... [20:26] Oso     Wait, this actually looks like me! SIGN    Fappy [20:29] Oso     This isn't even a punchline! [20:30] Oso     I actually look like this! [20:32] Choro     Huh? Is that what you look like,     Osomatsu-niisan? [20:34] Oso     Yeah, this is pretty much what I look like! [20:36] Oso     Why is it that when you draw     me as a stupid, pervy [20:38] Oso     piece of shit, it actually looks like me?! [20:40] Ichi     Spitting image? Thank goodness. [20:42] Oso     Screw you guys! [20:46] Mom     Shut up, you stupid NEETS!     What do you think you're doing?! SIGN    Fappy [20:50] Mom     I'm watching my DVDs right now. Quiet down! [20:54] Mom     Honestly... [20:55] Choro     Huh? Mom? [20:57] Mom     What? SIGN    Fappy [20:58] Choro     Er, uh... Haven't you noticed anything? [21:02] Choro     Isn't there something strange about us? SIGN    Fappy [21:05] All     Yeah, yeah. [21:09] Mom     Not really. SIGN    Fappy [21:10] All     Huh? [21:11] Dad     Hey, what's the matter? [21:13] Six     Dad! [21:14] Choro     Hey, do you notice anything     strange about us? [21:20] Dad     What do you mean? [21:23] Totoko     What? Something different? [21:26] Totoko     Not really. [21:28] Hata     Jo? You're the same as usual, jo. [21:31] Dayon     Nothing's strange at all! SIGN    Fappy [21:36] Iyami     Huh? [21:37] Iyami     You're the same as usual. [21:39] Iyami     From the right, Jyushimatsu,     Ichimatsu, Karamatsu, SIGN    Fappy [21:43] Iyami     Choromatsu, Todomatsu, and Osomatsu. [21:47] Iyami     Honestly... [21:49] Kara     Hey... No one's noticing... [21:52] Jyushi     Even though we look like this... [21:53] Oso     Which means this is how     everyone usually sees us... [21:58] Choro     Hey! Don't say that! SIGN    Fappy SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Totoko's Challenge" etc. [23:49] Ichi     Apparently they're airing     this thing again next week. [23:51] Ichi     This anime just doesn't know     when to give up, does it? E3 - Totoko's Challenge Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Cavematsu-san [00:08] All     Cavematsu-san! SIGN    End SIGN    "Choromatsu and Ichimatsu" [05:00] Kara     I'm gonna die. [05:02] ---     So gonna die. [05:04] Jyu     So hungry... [05:06] Todo     Hungry... [05:07] Oso     I'm starving. Someone make me some food. [05:11] Kara     Looks like this is the end of the line. [05:14] Kara     Goodbye, Karamatsu Girls. [05:17] Choro     Shut up! [05:20] Choro     This household is seriously     the lowest of the low. [05:24] Todo     Hey, Choromatsu-niisan, I'm hungry. [05:27] Choro     Then go make something. [05:29] Kara     Where's Mommy? [05:30] Choro     Probably out somewhere. [05:32] Jyushi     Aw, but I'm hungry. [05:34] Oso     Oh, hey. I've got a great idea. [05:36] Both     Huh? [05:38] Oso     Why don't we go play some pachinko instead? [05:41] ---     Oh, I get it. Instead! [05:43] Kara     Pachinko instead, huh? [05:45] Oso     Isn't that more awesome instead? [05:46] Jyushi     It is awesome instead. [05:48] Jyushi     Huh? [05:50] Jyu     What about you, Ichimatsu-niisan? [05:51] Ichi     Not going. [05:52] Jyu     Why? [05:53] Ichi     I'll pass for today. Besides,     if I go, you're going to lose. [05:57] Ichi     You want that? [05:57] Jyu     Keep an eye on the house. [06:00] Choro     Honestly... [06:08] Choro     Wait, is Ichimatsu the only one left? [06:10] Ichi     I'm stuck with him? Seriously? [06:13] Choro     I let my guard down. This is a rare     pairing that never really happens. [06:18] Ichi     I don't know what to say.     I don't hate him or anything, but like... [06:24] Ichi     It's just super awkward. [06:26] Choro     This is like that one pattern... [06:30] Choro     When we're all together, we can joke     around about the dumbest things. [06:37] Choro     And then suddenly... It's just me and him? [06:41] Choro     It's fine when we're all together,     but when it's just us two, it's a bit weird. [06:43] Choro     I don't know what to say.     What is there to say? [06:45] Choro     What do we have in common? [06:46] Choro     How many stations are left?     And stuff like that... [06:49] Choro     That's the situation we're in now... [06:51] Ichi     Since we're brothers...     No, it's the opposite. [06:54] Ichi     It's because we're brothers     that it stands out so much... [06:56] Ichi     This... [06:57] Choro     ...awkward feeling. SIGN    Glare SIGN    Stare [07:17] Both     It's no use... I can't think of anything to say. [07:22] Choro     And everyone was so rowdy     just a minute ago... [07:24] Ichi     Everything was so peaceful, [07:26] Ichi     but this awkwardness just     sets in out of nowhere. [07:29] Choro     I wonder how he feels... [07:32] Ichi     Hey. [07:34] Ichi     Mind if I turn on the TV? [07:36] Choro     Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, sure. [07:40] Choro     You can turn on the TV. [07:42] Ichi     Thanks. [07:46] Choro     He's actually being considerate! [07:48] Choro     He actually asked if it was     okay to turn on the TV! [07:51] Choro     Do people usually even ask that?! [07:54] Ichi     Crap. Why did I ask him if it     was okay to turn on the TV? [07:59] Ichi     You don't ask friends that,     let alone brothers. [08:03] Ichi     Wait, I don't have any friends. [08:05] Ichi     I'm just a loner who's always by himself... [08:07] Ichi     Who are you calling a loner?! Shut up! [08:09] Ichi     No... Talking to myself won't help. [08:12] Ichi     I need to talk to him right now. [08:14] Choro     Hey. [08:15] Ichi     Huh? [08:15] Choro     How are things lately? [08:17] Ichi     Huh? Lately? [08:19] Choro     Yeah, lately. [08:21] Ichi     What do you mean? [08:22] Choro     What do you mean, what do I mean? [08:24] Ichi     Huh? [08:24] Choro     Huh? [08:26] Ichi     Hmm? [08:27] Choro     Huh? [08:29] Both     Huh? [08:33] Ichi     Hey. [08:34] Choro     Huh? [08:35] Ichi     So, today... is a really nice day, huh? [08:38] Choro     Oh... yeah... SIGN    Low SIGN    High [08:40] Ichi     I wonder if it'll be sunny tomorrow, too. [08:42] Choro     Not sure... [08:44] Ichi     What about the day after? SIGN    Tomorrow [08:45] Choro     Not sure... [08:47] Ichi     The weather is like... so... weathery. [08:52] Choro     Yeah. [08:57] Ichi     It's no use. This whole     conversation's messed up. [08:59] Ichi     I've reached my limit.     I'm going to retreat upstairs. SIGN    Manga [09:16] Ichi     What the hell is this?!     I said I was at my limit already! [09:19] Choro     Someone, anyone, come home already! [09:21] Choro     A joke... Someone say some stupid-ass joke! [09:25] Choro     Change the flow of things! The flow! [09:30] Choro     I'm sorry, Ichimatsu.     I can't even retort right now. [09:33] Choro     I'm so sorry. [09:35] Ichi     Look... I think that's enough. [09:37] Choro     Huh? [09:38] Ichi     I'm just gonna come out and say it.     This is really awkward, right? [09:42] Choro     Yeah, it's really awkward. [09:44] Ichi     It's creepy, right? [09:45] Choro     It is. [09:46] Ichi     Let's stop this. [09:47] Choro     Yeah, let's stop. [09:51] Both     So exhausted... [09:53] Ichi     Why does it end up like this?      We're brothers. [09:56] Choro     No idea. We might've turned a blind     eye to each other for too long. [10:01] Choro     Hey, why don't we try     distancing ourselves a bit? [10:04] Ichi     Distancing? [10:05] Choro     Yeah. Like, put physical distance between us. [10:08] Ichi     I see. [10:12] Choro     Can you try talking like you usually     do from there? And be honest. [10:16] Ichi     Be honest? [10:19] Ichi     Hey, you, Fappymatsu!     You fapping piece of shit! [10:22] Ichi     Stop chasing all that underground     idol tail, you virgin among virgins! [10:25] Ichi     Ooh... I can be honest at this distance. [10:28] Choro     Hey, you, Darkmatsu! Stop being     so insane, you reserve criminal! [10:31] Choro     And despite that, your heart is fragile     as glass! Just how annoying are you?! [10:35] Choro     Oh, I can be honest. [10:37] Ichi     All right. Let's try moving closer. [10:39] Choro     Okay. [10:44] Choro     Well, this is a bit uncomfortable. [10:46] Ichi     Indeed. [10:47] Choro     Actually, I'm sorry for saying     that mean stuff before. [10:50] Ichi     No, no. I'm sorry. [10:52] Ichi     Please forget everything I just said. [10:57] Choro     Wait, do you hate me? [10:58] Ichi     Huh? [11:00] Choro     Do you hate me? [11:02] Ichi     You don't mince words, huh? [11:03] Choro     Yeah, let's just be straightforward.     Do you hate me? [11:06] Ichi     Hate? Nah... [11:08] Choro     You hesitated, didn't you? I was slightly     hoping you'd deny that instantly... [11:13] Ichi     It's not that I hate you.     I mean, we're brothers. [11:16] Ichi     I cannot say I have such feelings. [11:18] Choro     And now you're talking overly formally. [11:20] Ichi     Maybe I'm scared. [11:21] Choro     Scared? Why? [11:23] Ichi     Because you actually try to be proper. [11:25] Ichi     You actually go job hunting     and get angry at us. [11:28] Ichi     Even if you aren't completely proper,     the fact that you actually try to be proper? [11:32] Ichi     Seeing that makes me feel [11:33] Ichi     like I'm a completely different species. [11:36] Choro     What? That's not true. [11:38] Choro     I'm also a good-for-nothing. [11:39] Ichi     Nah... [11:41] Choro     See? I'm not scary! [11:43] Ichi     Nah, nah, nah... [11:43] Choro     We're brothers, so let's just get along! [11:46] Ichi     Scary! How can you say stuff     like that so naturally?! [11:50] Ichi     And what was that book you     were reading earlier? [11:52] Choro     Oh, this? A book on how     to get various qualifications. SIGN    Qualifications [11:55] Ichi     Whoa, scary! Qualifications?! [11:58] Ichi     You're just some serious person! [11:59] Ichi     Serious people are scary! [12:01] Choro     Well, if you're going to be like that,     you scare me, too. [12:04] Ichi     Huh? Why? [12:06] Choro     The way you're, like... super dark?     Your aura of everlasting darkness? [12:09] Choro     You live every day loathing all     happiness in this world, don't you? [12:12] Ichi     Yeah. [12:12] Choro     You don't even have anyone to swear revenge on, [12:14] Choro     but you live for revenge, don't you? [12:16] Ichi     Yeah. [12:17] Choro     What's your favorite phrase? [12:19] Ichi     I'll kill you all. [12:20] Choro     What do you want to be? [12:21] Ichi     A prison guard. [12:22] Choro     You know that's scary, right? [12:24] Ichi     You've got me all wrong. I'm pretty normal. [12:26] Choro     Nah... [12:28] Ichi     Come on. I'm not scary at all... [12:30] Choro     No, no, no, no... [12:31] Choro     See? That right there! [12:33] Ichi     Let's work together [12:34] Ichi     and kill those bastards someday. [12:37] Choro     That's scary! Who are "those bastards," exactly? [12:40] Choro     I can't shake the feeling that it     includes me, and it's scary as hell! [12:46] Choro     What should we do? [12:48] Ichi     I don't know... [12:49] Choro     But you're mistaken about one thing. [12:51] Choro     To be honest, I don't care     at all about qualifications. [12:54] Ichi     Huh? [12:55] Choro     Truthfully, I want to become     a manager for an idol. [12:59] Choro     I want to get as close to them as I can, [13:02] Choro     and then somehow get them to go out with me. [13:04] Ichi     You really are a shitty     virgin bastard, huh? [13:06] Choro     Yeah, I am. Do you feel better now? [13:08] Ichi     I do. [13:10] Ichi     Actually... [13:11] Ichi     I have something like the thing I showed you     earlier, but it's really a Halloween prop. [13:16] Choro     Huh? [13:17] Ichi     I wouldn't be able to go     to Shibuya or anything, [13:19] Ichi     but I thought about doing     something at home. [13:21] Choro     You're actually interested in Halloween?     You're a totally normal young person. [13:26] Ichi     I'm a domestic party peep. [13:28] Choro     What kind of cheesy-ass title is that? [13:30] Ichi     Do you feel better now? [13:31] Choro     Yeah. [13:33] Choro     Oh, and actually... [13:34] Choro     I want an idol to write "I love you"     in ketchup on omelet rice for me. [13:38] Ichi     I want to have fun with those things you     call "friends" on that thing you call "Insta." [13:42] Choro     I'm not even interested in their music. [13:44] Choro     I just ogle them. [13:45] Ichi     I want to have a fateful     encounter while snowboarding. [13:47] Choro     I'm a nice guy. [13:49] Ichi     I'm an even nicer guy. [13:50] Choro     You're too much. [13:51] Ichi     You, too. [14:02] Choro     I think we were a bit too honest. [14:04] Ichi     We should've held back. [14:07] Choro     What do you want to do?     Wanna go out drinking once? [14:09] Ichi     Just the two of us? [14:11] Choro     Yeah. [14:14] Both     Nope, nope, nope, nope! [14:15] Ichi     It's too soon for that. [14:17] Choro     And with just the two of us... [14:19] Ichi     We only just met today. [14:21] Choro     Yeah, it's our first day... [14:23] Ichi     Do you want to go for a walk, then? [14:26] Choro     Huh? [14:27] Both     Nope, nope, nope, nope! [14:29] Choro     Why don't we play some cards? [14:31] Ichi     Want to watch a DVD? [14:34] Both     Nope, nope, nope, nope! [14:37] Ichi     What should we do?     I'm only interested in cats... [14:41] Choro     Cats! Oh, so you like cats. [14:43] Ichi     Yes. [14:44] Choro     The idol I like is going for a "cat" image, too. [14:48] Ichi     I see... Looks like we     have something in common. [14:50] Choro     Yes. [14:52] Choro     Why don't we go to a concert     together sometime? [14:54] Ichi     No, that's okay. Would you like to     play with some cats in an alleyway? [14:59] Choro     No, that's okay. [15:01] Ichi     We don't have anything in common at all. [15:03] Choro     And we're brothers, too... We're going to     be spending quite a long time together... [15:08] Ichi     This is going to be hell for both of us. [15:15] Oso     We're back. [15:16] Oso     We gave it some thought and     realized we had no money. [15:18] Both     Welcome home! [15:20] Oso     Huh? Wh-What the heck? [15:22] Both     Welcome home! [15:23] Kara     Hey... [15:24] Jyushi     What's wrong? [15:27] Todo     What? [15:28] Both     Welcome home! SIGN    End [15:31] Todo     Huh? Wow, you're creepy... SIGN    "Totoko's Challenge" [15:36] Toto     Finally... Finally, this day has come. SIGN    Yowai [15:40] Toto     This fight that I can't lose,     where my pride is on the line... [15:45] Toto     Yes. SIGN    Competitive Eating Queen [15:46] Toto     This Competitive Eating Queen Contest! [15:48] Toto     It's fine... I should be able to win. [15:51] Toto     I mean, I practiced so much     and said so many prayers! [15:55] Toto     It's true that I'm surrounded     by ugly commoners... SIGN    Sono SIGN    Aosaka SIGN    Judy [15:58] Toto     Oh, I said that wrong.     I meant powerful opponents. [16:01] Toto     But I'm the one who's going to win. [16:02] Toto     My mom and dad are here     cheering me on, too. [16:05] Dad     Totoko! [16:07] Mom     Give it all you've got! [16:09] Totoko     And those guys are here, too. [16:11] Jyushi     Totoko-chan! [16:13] Kara     We've come to cheer you on, honey! [16:14] Todo     You can do it! [16:15] Choro     You're super cute! [16:17] Toto     And, most importantly,     Shouei-san has my back. SIGN    Chinese Food [16:22] Hata     It's the MC, Shouei-san, jo. [16:25] Shouei     Yes, hello, hello! [16:28] Shouei     Hello, everyone! I'm Shouei! [16:36] Shouei     With the power of love and passion,     I'll make this the best show in Japan... SIGN    Shouei [16:39] Shouei     no... in the world, with all of you! [16:42] Shouei     I'm Shouei! [16:45] Iyami     Shoueeeh! [16:47] Toto     That's Shouei-san for you...     He's so passionate. SIGN    Food [16:50] Toto     Okay! Shouei-san's passion can't top mine!     I'm going to eat everything! SIGN    Cafeteria [16:56] Shouei     Hello, everyone! [16:59] Todo     It's really him! [17:00] Jyushi     Can I have your autograph? [17:01] Kara     Come on, Shouei! [17:03] Toto     Ugh! What are you doing, you sextuplets? [17:05] Toto     Stop bothering my Shouei-san! [17:08] Chibi     Hey, we're about to go live,     so give us a break, you idjit. [17:12] Todo     What? [17:12] Shouei     I don't mind signing autographs. [17:14] Both     Huh? [17:14] Chibi     Shouei-san... [17:16] Shouei     The audience is part of the show. [17:18] Shouei     To me, they're my precious friends... [17:20] Shouei     No, they're my family, who share my blood. [17:22] Shouei     That's me... Shouei! [17:26] Iyami     Shoueeeh! [17:27] Toto     So passionate! So kind! [17:29] Toto     He's actually going to sign autographs! [17:31] Toto     But the show's about to start. [17:33] Shou     Yup, yup, yup. Here you go. [17:36] Choro     Thanks! [17:37] Oso     Hey, give us one of your belongings, Shouei. [17:40] Jyushi     Belongings, please. [17:41] Ichi     Like your watch there. [17:43] Toto     Who the hell do you think     you are, you sextuplets?! [17:46] Chibi     Hey, that's enough of... [17:48] Shouei     It's okay. I'll give them something. [17:49] Chibi     Shouei-san... [17:51] Shouei     What's mine is everyone's. [17:52] Shouei     And for everyone to be happy... [17:54] Shouei     That's me... Shouei. [17:58] Iyami     Shoueeeh! [18:00] Toto     No, wait. You're too nice! [18:01] Toto     And the show's about to start! [18:03] Oso     You know... We're actually all still NEETs. [18:06] Shouei     What? Really? [18:07] Todo     We're trying really hard,     but haven't been able to find jobs. [18:11] Shouei     I see... [18:12] Choro     Not to mention, we're still virgins. [18:14] Shouei     What?! [18:15] Ichi     We basically hate life. [18:17] Shouei     I see... [18:18] Toto     What the hell, you sextuplets?!     Making yourselves sound so pitiful! [18:22] Toto     Don't believe them, Shouei-san! [18:24] Toto     They've never tried hard in their lives! [18:28] Shouei     I see... You guys must have it rough! [18:31] Toto     He's crying! We haven't even started     eating yet, and he's crying! [18:34] Shouei     You're NEETs and virgins...     But don't give up! [18:37] Shouei     I'll be cheering you on! [18:39] Shouei     I'm Shouei! [18:41] All     Shouei! [18:42] Chibi     Um... We'd like to start the show now... [18:44] Shouei     Oh, sorry about that. [18:49] Hata     All right, let's start rolling, jo. [18:54] Toto     I'm going to win, no matter what! [18:57] Toto     That title will be mine! [18:59] Chibi     All right, here we go. Live in five... [19:02] Chibi     four, three, two... [19:07] Shouei     Welcome to the Competitive     Eating Queen Contest 2017! [19:10] Shouei     Let's give it our all! [19:12] Shouei     Ready... [19:14] Shouei     Start! [19:18] Crowd     You can do it! [19:21] Oso     Whoa! Holy crap, Totoko-chan! [19:23] Kara     She's so fast! [19:26] Toto     I guess all that practice paid off. [19:27] Toto     I'm not so shallow that I     get lost in my own beauty. [19:31] Toto     Right, Shouei-san? [19:33] Toto     Huh? He's gone? [19:35] Kara     Guys like us will never be able to find jobs... [19:38] Shouei     Don't say that! [19:40] Toto     You went over there again?! [19:41] Toto     But the show's started!     Shouldn't you be MCing? [19:43] Jyushi     We're just going to be virgins forever. [19:46] Shouei     Don't give up! [19:48] Shouei     Are you guys zeroes?     Are you absolute zeroes?! [19:48] Toto     Huh? Are they arguing? [19:51] Toto     Er, wait, no... I need     to concentrate or I'll lose. [19:54] Oso     Shut up, Teruhide! You're too passionate! [19:57] Shouei     How dare you speak to me like that? [19:59] Todo     More importantly, introduce     me to Moemoe, Teruhide. [20:02] Todo     You're being rude. [20:03] Choro     The hell? You picking a fight?! [20:07] Oso     What's up, Hide? [20:08] All     Come at me, bro! [20:10] Toto     Those idiots! [20:11] Toto     No! I need to concentrate... [20:14] Shouei     All right! Bring it on! [20:18] Toto     Shouei-san! [20:29] shouei     How'd you like that?! [20:30] Toto     Shouei-san's amazing! [20:32] Toto     Huh? [20:35] Shouei     Ow, ow, ow, ow... [20:37] Toto     Are you okay, Shouei-san? [20:40] Shouei     Behold! [20:43] Jyushi     Hurgh! [20:46] Jyushi     Not done yet! [20:48] Toto     Hey! [20:50] Shouei     You're not bad. How about this, then? [20:55] Oso     Huh? What? [20:57] Choro     Wh-What the... [20:58] Jyushi     I-Is this... [21:19] Six     Bless! [21:20] Toto     No, no, no... [21:22] Oso     Thanks, Shouei-niisan! [21:25] Shouei     Don't sweat it. Thanks to you guys, too. [21:27] Ichi     Nii-san! [21:28] Todo     Nii-san! [21:30] Toto     Why? [21:32] Shouei     Well? Don't they taste great? [21:34] Jyushi     They're great, Shouei-niisan! [21:36] All     Yummy! [21:37] Toto     Seriously... [21:40] Shouei     Who said you could eat those? [21:41] Oso     Uh, you told us we could eat them! [21:43] Shouei     I'm allowed to since I'm the MC! [21:45] Todo     The MC shouldn't be eating them, either! [21:48] Toto     Ugh! And I'm about to win, too! [21:52] Toto     I can't concentrate! SIGN    End [22:02] Shouei     I'm so happy! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:34] Choro     Choromatsu here. [23:35] Choro     Man, Shouei-san this week     was so ripped and hard. [23:39] Choro     I'm not sure if I was ripped this week, [23:41] Choro     but I sure was hard. [23:43] Choro     I want to continue being hard next week, [23:45] Choro     and hope I will be for the rest of my life. [23:48] Choro     Next week's episode will     be something like that, too. [23:50] Choro     "Matsuzou and Matsuyo." I hope you'll be     ripped and rock-hard when you tune in! SIGN    "Matsuzou and Matsuyo" etc. E4 - Matsuzou and Matsuyo Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Cavematsu-san [00:06] All     Cavematsu-san! SIGN    End SIGN    "Matsuzou and Matsuyo" SIGN    Milk [02:43] Jyushi     Muscle, muscle... Huh?! [02:46] Jyushi     Dad! You're spilling it! [02:48] Dad     Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry. [02:52] Dad     I'm heading out. [02:56] Todo     Dad, you have to open the door first. [02:58] Dad     Huh? Oh. [03:01] Todo     Huh? [03:03] Dad     I'm home. [03:05] Kara     Daddy! What happened to your clothes?! [03:07] Dad     Huh? [03:20] Todo     What do you think is up with that,     Osomatsu-niisan? [03:22] Oso     Huh? [03:23] Todo     I mean the way Dad's acting. [03:24] Oso     Is something wrong? [03:25] Todo     Wait, really? You haven't noticed? [03:31] Oso     Isn't your popsicle about     two millimeters bigger than mine? [03:34] Todo     Yet you notice things like that right off     the bat?! It's only two millimeters! [03:37] Todo     Here, I'll just trade you. [03:38] Todo     It's just gonna be a pain if we     stay on this topic any longer. [03:41] Oso     Thanks! [03:42] Jyushi     But I wonder what's going on with Dad. [03:45] Ichi     Maybe something's troubling him. [03:47] All     Huh? [03:49] Ichi     Like, something is emotionally bothering him. [03:52] Oso     Huh? What are you talking about?     You're scaring me. [03:55] Choro     Scaring you? [03:56] Oso     Well, I mean, think about it!     What could actually be bothering Dad? [04:00] Oso     Nine times out of ten,     we're the reason for his troubles! [04:03] Oso     We're all over twenty and spend     every day just lazing around... [04:06] Oso     And there are six of us.     His future's just bleak. [04:09] Jyushi     True. [04:10] Oso     The only thing waiting for him is getting old     as part of the lowest caste in his generation. [04:14] Oso     Of course he's troubled. [04:16] Jyushi     True. [04:18] Choro     Don't you feel sad saying     all that about yourself? [04:20] Jyushi     True. [04:23] Todo     And then Dad's finally going to     reach his limit and tell us... [04:27] Todo     "I can't provide for our     family alone anymore, [04:30] Todo     so I need all of you... [04:32] Todo     to work!" [04:35] Both     No! [04:36] Choro     Shut up! [04:37] Kara     All right. Let's never speak of this again. [04:40] Kara     There's nothing troubling Dad at all.     He's perfectly fine. [04:43] Choro     Hey! [04:44] Ichi     Down with being forced to find a job. [04:47] All     Yeah! [04:48] Ichi     Don't wanna think about our parents' problems. [04:50] All     Nope! [04:52] Oso     No way! [04:54] Jyushimatsu     True. [04:55] Kara     Let's have fun in life. [05:14] Choro     Dad. [05:21] Dad     Troubles? [05:22] Dad     Choromatsu, who do you think you are,     worrying about stuff like that? [05:27] Choro     No, there's definitely     something troubling you. [05:29] Dad     Nope. [05:30] Choro     But you've been acting strange for a while. [05:32] Dad     I'm my usual self. [05:33] Choro     Why haven't you noticed the flying     squirrel clinging to your back, then? [05:40] Choro     Go back to the forest. [05:41] Dad     I had no idea... [05:45] Dad     Actually... it's about your mother. [05:48] Choro     Mom? [05:49] Dad     Yeah. [05:50] Choro     Wait, what about Mom? [05:54] Dad     You see, your mother... [06:02] Dad     Your mother's been cold     toward me for some reason! [06:07] Dad     She hasn't been kissing me goodnight     or anything like that at all lately! [06:11] Dad     Is the spark gone?     Does she not love me anymore? [06:14] Dad     I mean, we don't even do this or that anymore...     What do you think, Choromatsu-kun? [06:19] Choro     Huh? [06:21] Six     Who the hell cares?! [06:23] Dad     Huh?! What do you mean, who cares? [06:26] Dad     Your father's shocked! [06:27] Oso     No, really, who cares? [06:28] Jyushi     Not our problem! [06:29] Dad     But we're husband and wife!     We're supposed to be lovey-dovey forever! [06:33] Kara     Think about your damn age! [06:35] Dad     No. I don't want to think about my age. [06:38] Dad     I want to have a pervy relationship     with your mother forever! [06:41] Dad     I'm so done... I don't     even want to live anymore. [06:45] Dad     I'm gonna be a NEET, too. [06:46] Three     Wait, wait, wait, wait! [06:49] Jyushi     Wait a sec, Dad! [06:50] Kara     Just calm down. [06:51] Dad     No... [06:52] Dad     I'm done. I'm so done! [06:53] Ichi     So what are we going to do about this? [06:54] Three bg     Oh, come on... [06:55] Three bg     Get your face out of the sofa. [06:56] Todo     This is why I said we should leave it be. [06:58] Ichi     You just had to meddle. [07:00] Choro     Wait, wait, wait. It's not like I could've     ever imagined this would be the problem! [07:03] Choro     I mean... I hear there are a lot more     sexless married couples lately, but... [07:07] Oso     Hey! I don't want to hear that     kind of stuff about our parents! [07:10] Jyushi     Nope! Can't! [07:11] Kara     Shut up! [07:12] Todo     But it's not like we can just     ignore this now, right? [07:15] Both     Huh? [07:16] Todo     I mean, if Dad ends up quitting his job or,     even worse, ends up moving out... [07:22] Todo     We NEETs will have no choice but to die. [07:28] Todo     All right. We've gotta do something. [07:31] Todo     Let's somehow help out Dad, [07:33] Todo     so we can prolong our lives as NEETs! [07:36] Todo     You're such a good boy, Totty!     You're so cute and honest, Totty! [07:41] Todo     Dad! [07:42] Dad     Huh? [07:43] Todo     Don't worry. We'll do something     about your relationship with Mom. [07:47] Dad     Huh? Nah, it's okay. [07:49] Todo     Don't worry! [07:51] Dad     It's okay. [07:52] Todo     But why? [07:53] Dad     Well, none of you... [07:56] Dad     have ever had a girlfriend. [08:00] Dad     You're all virgins. [08:03] Dad     It's not like you guys can help if you     haven't even had any experience yet. [08:07] Dad     Shouldn't you guys be     worrying about yourselves? [08:10] Six     Huh?! [08:12] Oso     So what if we've never girlfriends?! [08:14] Todo     So what if we're virgins?!     Does that even matter right now?! [08:17] Dad     Actually, it matters quite a bit, doesn't it? [08:20] Dad     It's probably the most     important thing, in fact. [08:22] Ichi     But at least we're     knowledgeable about it! [08:24] Choro     We can give you advice! [08:26] Dad     You mean knowledge from dramas,     light novels, and porn, right? [08:29] Dad     You can't actually use any     of that in real life. [08:31] Kara     What the hell?! And here we     were offering to help you! [08:34] Dad     And I'm telling you that you can't. [08:36] Kara     Why?! [08:48] Dad     What the heck are you guys doing?! [08:50] Oso     Pull it out, you piece-of-shit dad!     We'll chop it off for you! [08:51] Jyushi     True. [08:52] Oso     You don't need it anymore, do you?! [08:54] Dad     Speak for yourselves, you damn virgins! [08:55] Jyushi     True! [08:56] Oso     Shut up! [08:59] Todo     So, what happened to the spark     between you and Mom? SIGN    Akatsuka Bathhouse SIGN    Bath [09:03] Todo     Know what might've caused it? [09:04] Dad     No idea. [09:05] Todo     How can you not know?     Man, your attitude pisses me off. [09:08] Dad     No idea! As we got older, those kinds     of feelings naturally declined, [09:13] Dad     and before I knew it,     they were totally gone. [09:16] Dad     She's so heartless... [09:20] Kara     Hang on a sec. [09:22] Kara     Why does it sound like you've just been     blaming this on Mom this whole time? [09:26] Dad     Huh? [09:27] Oso     Yeah, that's what I thought, too. [09:29] Oso     You're making it sound like Mom's the one     who's in the wrong for denying you. [09:32] Dad     Well, we're husband and wife. [09:33] All     See? There you go! [09:34] Dad     Huh? [09:35] Ichi     Look, you... [09:36] Dad     "You"? [09:37] Ichi     Why do you just naturally assume     that she'll always love you? [09:39] Ichi     Get off your high horse. [09:40] Ichi     Who do you think you are, huh? [09:42] Todo     You gotta be more humble, Dad. You weren't     like this when you were young, were you? [09:46] Choro     Remember those days when you were still pure. [09:48] Jyushi     Then Mom will too, probably. [09:50] Oso     You gotta be more humble. [09:52] Kara     Take back your youth! [09:53] Choro     So why don't you return to being a virgin, Dad? [09:56] Dad     Uh, h-how? [09:57] Oso     Don't worry, Dad. Because you have us... [10:02] All     ...six actual virgins on your side! [10:05] Dad     Huh? [10:09] Six     Such a virgin! [10:11] Jyushi     Hello, Cherryzou-kun! [10:13] Ichi     Hello, Cherryzou-kun. [10:15] Dad     Huh? [10:16] Kara     Right-o, Cherryzou! We're gonna     turn you back into a virgin! [10:19] Jyushi     Yeah! [10:20] Dad     Huh? SIGN    Virgin five-step conjugations [10:22] Kara     Here we go! Virgin five-step conjugations. [10:25] ---     Let's do this! SIGN    Boobs [10:27] Kara     Boobs. [10:27] six     Boobn't! Boobed! Boobing!     Get boobed! Boob it! SIGN    Pantyshot [10:32] Kara     Pantyshot. [10:33] Six     Pantynot! Pantyshotted! Pantyshotting!     Pantyshoot! Pantyism! SIGN    Kiss [10:37] Kara     Kiss. [10:37] Six     Wanna kiss! Wanna kiss!     Wanna kiss! Wanna kiss! [10:40] Six     If all else fails,     wanna see someone else kiss! [10:41] Kara     Perfect! [10:43] Dad     Huh? [10:45] Totty     All right. Go buy a dirty book. SIGN    We now carry oden [10:47] Dad     Huh? [10:48] Oso     Move it! [10:54] Dad     I bought one. [10:58] Dad     Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! [11:00] Oso     The hell are you doing, Cherryzou?! [11:02] Todo     That's not how a virgin buys     those at all, Cherryzou! [11:04] Dad     Huh? [11:05] Todo     Why did you pay at the girl's register? [11:09] Todo     You're supposed to go to the     old man's register! He's our ally! [11:12] Oso     And when you take out the dirty book, SIGN    Rububbu     Hakone [11:14] Oso     you put it between normal     magazines to hide the cover! [11:16] Todo     Then you hide them in your shirt     and sneak as hard as you can sneak [11:19] Todo     all the way home! [11:20] Both     Those are basics! [11:23] Choro     Well, if it were me... [11:26] Choro     When I go to put it in my basket, [11:27] Choro     I'd make it look like it just happened     to fall in with another magazine. [11:33] Oso     That's our Fappymatsu-san!     I've been enlightened! [11:35] Choro     Swipe. [11:37] Five     We've been enlightened! SIGN    Visible bras [11:40] Kara     Visible bras. [11:41] Six     Uh, they're underwear! Uh, they're underwear! [11:43] Six     Uh, they're underwear! They're super sexy! [11:44] Six     Thanks! SIGN    Ririko SIGN    Graduation Album SIGN    Young Chample SIGN    Shigebu Mobuko [11:46] Ichi     All right. Which of these would you pick? [11:48] Dad     Huh? SIGN    Ririko [11:50] Dad     This one? [11:51] Ichi     Of course you should pick     the graduation album! [11:53] Jyushi     Everyone knows that! SIGN    Tattoos [11:56] Kara     Tattoos! [11:56] Five     Nope... [11:57] Five     Scary... [11:58] Five     Too bold... SIGN    Fuwari Ecchi SIGN    Konai Shasei [12:00] Jyushi     How about out of these two, then? [12:02] Dad     Huh? [12:03] Dad     This one. [12:04] Dad     What?! I seriously don't know anymore! [12:06] Jyushi     You're supposed to pick both! [12:07] Ichi     You're supposed to be greedy here! [12:09] Dad     How would I know?! SIGN    Ultra     Sexy [12:24] Totty     W-Well, Dad? Were you able     to regain your virgin heart? [12:29] Dad     No. [12:29] Kara     Wh-What do you think when you see this? [12:33] Dad     Nothing, really. [12:36] Oso     Then I'm completely out of ideas. [12:38] Dad     Huh? [12:39] Choro     We can't help you. [12:41] Choro     You'll have to figure it out yourself. [12:43] Dad     Huh? [12:44] Six     See ya. [12:45] Dad     What?! You're just going to     abandon me after all that?! [12:48] Dad     Don't abandon Cherryzou! Hey! [12:52] Guy 1     So about the corn soup... [12:55] Guy 1     Say something. [12:56] Guy 2     I forgot. [12:57] Guy 1     But this is your job. [12:58] ---     No, it's not. [13:00] Dad     Why? Why won't she fall     in love with me again? [13:07] Dad     I spent so much time and money...     That's so messed up. [13:11] Totty     Yeah, I'd say that looks pretty messed up! [13:13] Todo     How did you end up like that?     What made you think it was even acceptable? [13:17] Dad     How about this, Dad? [13:22] Dad     Sorry to drag you guys out here like this. [13:24] Dad     To be completely honest,     I might've just been lonely. [13:29] Dad     You guys were born and became adults... [13:33] Dad     Even though you're all still unemployed. [13:36] Dad     I did feel somewhat like we were     finally liberated as parents... [13:42] Dad     And then, suddenly, I started to worry. [13:45] Dad     I wondered why she was still with me, then. [13:49] Dad     I wondered if it was actually     because she still loved me. [13:54] Dad     What am I saying at my age?     What am I, a virgin? [14:01] Jyushi     What about your oden? [14:03] Dad     It's fine. I'll eat at home. [14:05] Ichi     Dad... [14:08] Ichi     Are you sure you're done?     Is that how you really feel? [14:11] Dad     Yeah... The old man's gonna retire, boys. [14:13] Dad     Keep doing your best, you Cherrymatsus. [14:16] Ichi     Shut up. [14:18] Dad     See ya. [14:20] Chibi     Wait, old man! [14:22] Todo     Whoa, he's bawling! What got into you?! SIGN    Hybrid Oden Cards accepted [14:24] Chibi     Try talking to Dekapan! [14:27] Todo     Dekapan? [14:28] Chib     You know... He might have some     useful item he'll let you borrow. [14:31] Todo     What kind of useful item? [14:35] Chibi     Maybe a love potion or something? [14:37] Todo     Love potion? [14:39] Todo     Nah, there's no way     Dad would use that on Mo— [14:41] Dad     Love potion! Of course! [14:43] Todo     Dad?! [14:44] Dad     Why didn't I think of that?! [14:46] Six     Dad! [14:49] Deka     Of course I have some. [14:51] Dad     He actually has some! [14:52] Dad     Seriously? Yay! [14:54] Both     Unparalleled hustle! Unparalleled hustle! [14:56] Choro     He hadn't given up at all... [14:59] Todo     What was that bit of gloom even for? [15:02] Deka     Huh? But it's... [15:04] Dad     Huh?! [15:05] Deka     That's strange... How can that be? [15:07] Dayon     I didn't do it! [15:09] Dayon     I didn't use it! [15:12] Dayon     I'm telling the truth! [15:14] Ichi     Must be him. [15:16] Oso     Yup. [15:17] Deka     Well, this is a problem. [15:20] Deka     I have the recipe, [15:21] Deka     but the flower included in the ingredients     only grows beyond the sea. [15:24] Deka     In one of the most secluded— [15:25] Dad     Give me that! [15:26] Six     Dad! [15:40] Dad     I-I'm... [15:43] Dad     finished... [15:45] Dad     Karamatsu?! [15:48] Kara     I've come to save you. [15:56] Both     We're finished! [15:58] Oso     Leave this... [15:59] Jyushi     ...to us! [16:04] Oso     Damn it! [16:06] Jyushi     Damn it! [16:07] Both     We're finished! [16:09] Dad     Hey, look. [16:13] Oso     Choromatsu! [16:14] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan! [16:16] Choro     Wh-What should we do? [16:18] Ichi     What should we do? [16:19] Choro     You decide. [16:21] Ichi     No, no. You go right ahead. [16:23] Oso     Hey, over here! [16:24] Jyushi     Over here! [16:25] Four     Hey! [16:32] Ichi     Oh, it's Totty. Hey! [16:39] Choro     Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! [16:41] All     Hold it, Todomatsu! [16:41] All     Hey! [16:42] Six     It hurts! [16:43] Six     It's heavy! [16:45] Six     It's hot! [16:47] Six     It's cold! [16:48] Six     It's cramped! [16:50] Six     It's dark! [16:51] Six     It stinks! [16:53] Six     It's loud! [16:55] Oso     Here we go! [16:56] Five     Yeah! [17:42] Deka     It's finished. [17:48] Dad     I-It's finally... [17:51] Six     D-Dad! [17:53] Dad     Yeah. [17:54] All     Yay! [17:56] Jyushi     Mom won't know what hit her!     She'll fall in love with you again! [17:59] All     Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle! [18:02] All     Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle! [18:08] Oso     Well, goodnight. [18:11] Kara     We did good. [18:13] Todo     Who knew it felt so good to     work up a sweat like that? [18:16] Choro     We've done our job as sons. [18:18] Five     Right? [18:21] Oso     Oh, yeah. [18:23] Oso     Once this is over, let's have Dad     share some of that potion with us. [18:27] Todo     Good idea. Then maybe we'll finally     graduate from being virgins? [18:30] Jyushi     Awesome! [18:33] Jyushi     I can't wait! [18:33] Oso     Yeah. SIGN    Matsuno SIGN    In Use SIGN    Delivery Room [20:19] Mom     Takes you back, doesn't it? [20:26] Dad     Yeah. [20:28] Mom     Do you remember? A long time ago,     you shouted at me. [20:33] Mom     From here. [20:34] Dad     Huh? [20:37] Dad     I love you! [20:44] Mom     Did you actually forget? [20:47] Dad     I forgot. I don't have time to     remember stuff from that long ago. [20:53] Mom     I see. [20:56] Mom     But I'll never forget...     No matter how long it's been. [21:00] Dad     I see. [21:06] Mom     Sure is cold. [21:14] Mom     Someday, we're going to be alone like this. [21:19] Dad     Yeah. [21:25] Dad     What's going on? [21:34] Hata     Jo, jo, jo... [21:35] Iyami     Sheeeh! [21:36] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [21:37] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sheeeh! [21:37] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [21:40] Oso     T-Totoko-chan... We've been sexless     ever since the day we were born. [21:45] Five     Completely sexless. [21:47] Six     Totoko-chan! [21:49] Toto     No one wants you, [21:51] Toto     you NEET virgins! [22:03] Mom     Do you think we'll ever be alone? SIGN    End [22:07] Dad     I'm not so sure. SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:39] Kara     It's me, Karamatsu. [23:40] Kara     I'm not so bad in the fall,     but you should see me in summer. [23:44] Kara     Now I'd like to present to you [23:46] Kara     something that summer left behind. [23:48] Kara     Next time, "Osomatsu-san in the Summer"     will bring you those sexy hips. SIGN    "Osomatsu-san in the Summer" [23:52] Kara     What time is it? E5 - Osomatsu-san in the Summer Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Cicadas" [00:23] Nanami     Takkun... [00:25] Takkun     Nanami... [00:27] Nanami     I... worked really hard to make this. [00:31] Nanami     Please take it. SIGN    Good Luck Charm [00:33] Takkun     Th-Thanks... [00:45] Nanami     Takkun... Take me to the Koushien! [00:53] Takkun     Nanami... [00:56] Takkun     I, Uebayashi Tatsuo, [00:59] Takkun     want you, Asaoka Nanami, to know... [01:01] Nanami     What? I can't hear you, Takkun. [01:03] Nanami     The cicadas are so loud     that I can't hear you. [01:05] Takkun     I, Uebayashi Tatsuo... [01:07] Nanami     What?! [01:07] Takkun     I, Uebayashi Tatsuo... [01:09] Nanami     Say what?! [01:09] Takkun     I, Uebayashi Tatsuo, want you,     Asaoka Nanami, to know... [01:12] Nanami     What?! I can't hear you at all! [01:14] Takkun     That I love you! [01:15] Nanami     Huh? [01:15] Takkun     I love you! [01:17] Nanami     Wha?! [01:17] Takkun     I said I love you! [01:18] Nanami     What?! [01:19] Takkun     I want you to go out with me! [01:20] Nanami     Huh?! [01:21] Takkun     Please be my girlfriend! [01:22] Nanami     Ugh. I can't hear you at all! [01:25] Nanami     Takkun, you idiot! [01:27] Takkun     Nanami! SIGN    "Jyushimatsu     Calisthenics" [03:16] radio     Raise your arms up high.     We'll start with stretches! [03:20] Radio     One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... [03:21] Jyushi     Hup! [03:23] Jyushi     Hup! [03:25] Radio     Now your arms and legs. [03:26] Jyushi     Hup! [03:26] Radio     One, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight. [03:28] Jyushi     Hup! [03:30] Jyushi     Hup! [03:30] Radio     Two, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [03:33] Jyushi     Hup! [03:35] Jyushi     Hup! [03:35] ---     Three, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [03:36] Jyushi     Take that! [03:39] Jyushi     And that! [03:40] Jyushi     Hup, two! [03:40] ---     Four, two, three, four,     five, six, seven... [03:42] Jyushi     Yeah, exercise! [03:44] Radio     Swing your arms. [03:45] Radio     One, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [03:50] Radio     Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven... [03:50] Jyushi     How's that? [03:53] Radio     Next, chest exercises. [03:54] Radio     One, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [03:55] Jyushi     Oh, man. Oh, man! [03:59] Radio     Two, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [03:59] Jyushi     Boeh! [04:01] Jyushi     Boeh! [04:03] Jyushi     Boeh! [04:03] ---     Three, two, three, four,     five, six, seven, eight... [04:05] Jyushi     Boehba! [04:07] Jyushi     Boehba! [04:07] ---     Four, two, three, four,     five, six, seven... [04:09] Jyushi     Boehba! [04:11] Radio     Next, side stretches. [04:12] Jyushi     Boehba! [04:13] Radio     One, two, three... SIGN    Well Done [04:19] Jyushi     Just 39 more days. [04:21] Jyushi     I'll do my best! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Joozu" SIGN    Look out for sharks! SIGN    Beware of Sharks SIGN    Danger! Sharks! SIGN    No Swimming! [05:13] Hata     Joo... [05:15] Hata     zu. [05:19] Jyushi     Huh? [05:27] Both     Oh. SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "It's Hot" [05:36] Iyami     It's hot... [05:40] Iyami     It's hot... [05:43] Iyami     It's hot... [05:46] Iyami     It's hot... [05:49] Chibi     Hey! Stop saying "It's hot" so much! [05:52] Chibi     You're making it worse! [05:54] Chibi     Hot! [05:56] Iyami     Chibita, we have no choice now. [06:00] Chibi     Oh, that. Whenever we're in trouble... [06:04] Both     ...we go see Professor Dekapan! [06:08] Deka     Unfortunately, my air conditioner is broken. [06:12] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:12] Both     But why? [06:15] Dayon     It wasn't me. [06:17] Dayon     I didn't touch it. Honest. [06:27] Deka     Well, no need to feel down.     Summer is meant to be hot. [06:31] Deka     I believe you're meant to take     in that heat and enjoy— [06:35] Chibi     You idjit! [06:38] Deka     Stop! [06:39] Deka     O-Okay! I'll make something good! [06:44] Deka     It's finished. [06:45] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:48] Iyami     It's so nice and cool! [06:50] Chibi     It's not hot at all! It's nice and cool! [06:53] Both     Yay! [06:54] Iyami     It's so cool! [06:55] Chibi     It's so cool, you idjit! Damn it! [06:56] Deka     Good, good. [06:57] Iyami     It's so cool, isn't it, Chibita? [06:58] Dayon     This is the ultimate VR! [06:59] Chibita     It's so cool, Iyami! [07:05] Chibi     This is the best, you idjit! It's heaven! [07:10] Iyami     It's so cool! [07:12] Chibi     So cool! Yay! [07:14] Iyami     It's so friggin' cool! [07:16] Chibi     It's cool, you idjit! Damn it! [07:19] Chibi     Yay! [07:21] Iyami     So cool! [07:22] Chibi     It's so cool! [07:25] Iyami     It's too cool! [07:28] Chibi     It's too cool! [07:29] Iyami     Sheeeh! It's so cool! [07:30] Chibi     It's cool, you idjit! Damn it! [07:33] Iyami     It's cool. [07:34] Chibi     It's cool, you idjit! [07:38] Both     So cool! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Exiled" [07:50] Girl     What? Oh, really? [07:53] Aida     Hey, Totty. [07:56] Sachiko     Want to take a picture with us? [07:58] Todo     A picture? Sure! [08:00] Sachiko     Okay, here we go! [08:02] Todo     So very awesome! [08:03] Sachi     Okay, say cheese! SIGN    He is a criminal. Please do not save him. [08:16] Oso     Exiled. [08:17] Ichi     Yup, exiled. [08:18] Todo     What?! [08:18] Todo     Hey! Hey, wait! Hey! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Exiled 2" [08:28] Aida     Wow, a deserted island. [08:32] Aida     Wow, I've never been to     a deserted island before. [08:36] Sachi     Hey, Totty, what are you doing? Hurry up. [08:44] Sachi     Hey, Totty, we're talking to you. [08:46] Todo     Yeah, I'll be right there. [08:48] Todo     Okay, looks like we're good.     They wouldn't come this far... [08:52] Todo     This is amazing! Are we the only ones here? [08:54] Todo     Deserted islands are awesome! [08:58] Todo     Huh? What?! SIGN    He is a criminal. Please do not save him. [08:59] Todo     Hey! [09:01] Todo     What?! Wait! [09:02] Jyushi     Exiled! [09:03] Choro     Yup, exiled. [09:04] Kara     Recite some Japanese poetry     alone, or something. [09:04] Todo     W-Wait! [09:05] Todo     Hey! Hey! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Exiled 3" SIGN    Southern [09:20] Aida     Totty? Aren't you coming to the beach? [09:22] Totty     No. I'm never going near the ocean again. [09:26] Aida     Aww... [09:27] Totty     Sorry. Let's play on land next time. [09:31] Totty     Hey, I know. Wanna exchange     contact information? [09:33] Aida     Sure. [09:36] Todo     Let's see... Oh, here we go. [09:41] Todo     Huh? [09:42] Todo     What?! [09:44] Todo     Come on! [09:49] Todo     Hey! Hey! [09:51] Todo     Hey! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Fireworks" [10:08] Oso     Say, Choromatsu. [10:10] Oso     Wanna trade your grilled     squid for my skewer [10:12] Oso     that had the grilled squid     I finished eating on it? [10:16] Choro     When are the fireworks gonna start? [10:18] Todo     It's still not time? [10:20] Jyushi     Fireworks! Fireworks! [10:21] Jyushi     Yay! [10:23] Oso     Foo! Yeah! [10:26] Announce     Thank you for waiting. [10:28] Announce     Please enjoy the fireworks. [10:42] Choro     Oh, here it comes! [10:44] Oso     It's about time! SIGN    Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    Summer Kamen [11:55] Kara     Summer Kamen! [12:00] Girl     It's so hot. [12:01] Guy     It is. Look, I'm sweating like crazy. [12:04] Girl     You're right. SIGN    Young-Wife- Apartments [12:10] Kara     Nice summer! [12:15] Guy     I feel alive again! [12:16] Kara     Good summer! [12:19] Boy     Yay! I caught a rhinoceros beetle! [12:20] Kid     Awesome! [12:21] Kara     800 summer! [12:24] Mom     So close! Too bad. [12:26] Kara     Perfect summer! [12:29] Man     Look at your farmer's tan! [12:31] Kara     20,000 summer! SIGN    Oh, Summer Vacation [12:41] Kara     Summer! [12:44] ---     It's summer! [12:47] Kara     Summer! [12:52] Kara     The name's Summer Kamen! [12:54] Kara     Every year when summer rolls around,     I walk around town looking for summer, [12:57] Kara     inject even more summer, [12:59] Kara     and watch everyone enjoy summer even     more while I enjoy the rest of summer. [13:04] Kara     That is me, summer. [13:06] Kara     Hmm? You don't understand? [13:07] Kara     You don't have to. [13:09] Kara     My season is here. Thank you. [13:14] Kara     Now, my problem is the spineless     boys who live here. [13:21] Jyushi     It's hot... [13:23] Jyushi     I can't. [13:25] Kara     Oh, bad summer. [13:28] Choro     I love you, air conditioner. [13:29] Kara     Eleven summer. [13:31] Totty     This sucks. I don't want to get burnt. [13:33] Kara     Six summer. [13:36] Ichi     Drinking hot tea in an     air-conditioned room... [13:39] Kara     No good summer. [13:41] Oso     Eating ramen in an air-conditioned     room is great, too. [13:44] Kara     Oh, too bad summer. [13:46] Both     Shut up! [13:48] Oso     What's your deal, barging in here     saying "summer, summer"? [13:50] Oso     It's creepy as hell. [13:52] Ichimatsu     Who the hell are you? [13:54] Kara     Me? [13:56] Kara     I'm Summer Kamen. [13:57] Both     Who?! [13:59] Kara     What's wrong with all of you?     You're pathetic! [14:01] Kara     You're letting the heat     of summer get to you! [14:04] Choro     I'm pretty sure it's your head     that the heat got to. [14:07] Kara     Wow, wow, wow! 4,000 summer! [14:10] Choro     I don't get how this works.     Why did he give me summers just now? [14:14] Kara     All of you lack summer! You need to     inject more summer into your lives! [14:17] Kara     I'm telling you to brush up on your own     summers for the impending real summer. [14:22] Todo     What are you talking about? [14:23] Jyushi     Get lost! [14:24] Ichi     Scram. [14:25] todo     What's so good about summer anyway? [14:26] Choro     It's hot, and you just sweat. [14:27] Oso     The beach gets crowded, too. [14:29] Ichi     Plus fireworks, packed trains... [14:29] Kara     Good grief. I guess I have no choice     but to use this technique. [14:30] Oso     I hate it. [14:31] Choro     Hurry up and end, summer. [14:32] Kara     You tiny d*cks that lack     summer... Take this! [14:37] Kara     Summer Flash! [14:40] Kara     Summer! [14:42] Kara     Summer! [14:44] Kara     Summer! [14:47] Kara     Oh, summer! [14:49] Kara     Changing Summer! [15:03] Five     It's summer! [15:05] All     Wow! [15:08] All     It's so fun! [15:08] Kara     Well? How do you like the rays? The location? [15:09] Bg     It's summer! It's summer! [15:12] Kara     Well?! [15:13] Five     Nice summer! [15:15] Kara     Hmm? [15:15] Five     Good summer! [15:17] Kara     What was that? [15:19] Five     King of Summer! [15:22] Kara     Good. [15:23] Five     Summer! [15:26] Oso     Thank you, Summer Kamen! [15:28] Choro     Now we can have a great summer. [15:30] Totty     Thanks! [15:32] Kara     Summer, summer is here. [15:36] Kara     Melt your brain, it's 2,000 summer. [15:39] Kara     Brush up on your own summer. SIGN    Summer Kamen [15:43] Kara     Aah, 50,000 summer! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    Summer Kamen [15:48] Kara     50,000, 50,000 summer! [15:56] Toto     It's summer! [15:57] Toto     It's the ocean! Yay! SIGN    "Totoko in     the Summer" [16:03] Toto     Oh, there they are! [16:05] Toto     Take that! [16:08] Toto     And that! [16:13] Toto     Snipe! [16:15] Girl     There! [16:17] Toto     Kaboom! [16:18] Toto     Not done yet! [16:30] Toto     It's summer! [16:44] Toto     Ah, I feel so much better. SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "This Year,     We'll Finally..." [17:02] Girl     Hey! [17:03] Girl     Jeez. [17:14] Oso     Man, these sunglasses are so convenient. [17:18] Choro     They are. We're boldly staring at girls'     boobs and butts, and no one's getting angry. [17:25] Kara     The most important factor in girl     watching is calm, Choromatsu. [17:31] Choro     That's really helpful! [17:32] Four     Thanks! [17:37] Kara     I don't mind taking back my     sunglasses right now, you know. [17:41] Ichi     Thanks! [17:43] Oso     Now then, which one should we choose? [17:45] Choro     Which girl should we pick? [17:47] Oso     What about her? [17:48] Oso     Isn't she cute? [17:49] Todo     She's super cute! [17:50] Jyushi     Cute! [17:51] Oso     And she's got huge boobs! [17:52] Five     Yeah. [17:53] Oso     She's with other girls,     so she might not have a boyfriend. [17:56] Five     Yeah! [17:56] Oso     That's awesome! [17:58] Five     It is! [17:59] Oso     All right, someone go talk to her. [18:07] Oso     Man, these sunglasses are so convenient. [18:10] Choro     They are. We're boldly staring at girls'     boobs and butts, and no one's getting angry. [18:15] Totty     Hang on. Are we stuck in some infinite loop? [18:18] Totty     You guys keep talking, but not acting. [18:25] Oso     All right, I'll go. [18:27] Oso     I'm gonna do this! The eldest is     going to show you how it's done! [18:30] Todo     So cool! [18:31] Choro     Idiots are so amazing. [18:33] Jyushi     I'm not an idiot! [18:34] Choro     Uh, I wasn't talking about you. [18:37] Choro     Huh? [18:50] Oso     Man, talk about awesome. [18:53] Five     Hey! [18:53] Oso     They're all so plump. SIGN    Fancy Ice [18:55] Todo     What are you doing? [18:56] Oso     So plump. [18:57] Kara     You're all talk. Pathetic. [18:59] Oso     Seriously, extremely plump. [19:00] Choro     Did you see some shrimp or something?! [19:02] Choro     Would you shut up about things being plump?! [19:04] Oso     Well, can you go do it?     Stop acting all high and mighty. [19:07] Choro     No, no. I'm not interested     in things like this. [19:10] All     Grr. [19:11] Choro     I mean, even if it worked out,     it'd all be over once summer ended. [19:14] Choro     Since we're all adults here, [19:16] Choro     I don't see any point in pursuing     pointless relationships like— [19:19] Jyushi     Up we go! [19:23] Todo     He went flying. [19:24] Oso     So, who's gonna go next? [19:27] Kara     Very well, I accept. I'll go round up     all the Karamatsu girls on the beach! [19:39] Ichi     All right. I'll go. [19:40] Five     What?! [19:42] Todo     Wait, wait, wait, wait, what? [19:44] Todo     You're going to go, Ichimatsu-niisan? [19:45] Ichi     Yeah. [19:46] Oso     You don't need to push yourself like that. [19:47] Kara     Don't push yourself, Ichimatsu. [19:49] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan. [19:50] Todo     Really, it's okay. We won't force you. [19:52] Oso     You don't have to go along with us. [19:54] Kara     I'm worried. [19:55] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan. [19:56] Todo     Just sit down, okay? No, really. [19:57] Ichi     Shut up! [19:59] Ichi     Why am I the only one you treat like that?! [20:01] Ichi     Are you trying to be nice?     It just pisses me off! [20:03] Ichi     I can be a man when it comes to it! [20:06] Todo     I-I'm sorry... [20:07] Oso     Don't get so angry. [20:13] Both     Now you're not gonna go?! [20:14] Oso     Really? You're not going after all that?! SIGN    Hard Rock Kiyoshi [20:16] Oso     Why'd you get mad, then?! [20:17] Ichi     A guy like me is here at the beach in summer.     You can't ask any more of me. [20:22] Oso     We know! That's why we tried to stop you! [20:25] Kara     Which means it's finally my turn, brothers! [20:33] Oso     Jyushimatsu? [20:34] Oso     You're going? Seriously? [20:35] Todo     Well, he is the dark horse out of all of us [20:37] Todo     who's actually had somewhat of a girlfriend. [20:40] Ichi     Is he going to show us his skills now? [20:42] Kara     Are you finally going to move forward     to find a new love, Jyushimatsu? [20:48] Kara     You just needed to relieve     yourself, Jyushimatsu? [20:52] Todo     I guess there's no other choice. [20:53] Todo     Totty, you'll just have to     use the ace up your sleeve. [20:56] Oso     Huh? [20:58] Todo     Listen. If we keep trying this by one by one, [21:01] Todo     we virgin NEETs stand no chance     against the summer beach. [21:04] Totty     We all have to go at once. [21:05] Five     All of us?! [21:06] Totty     That's right. The sextuplets push. [21:08] Five     Sextuplets push?! [21:09] Todo     That's our one and only weapon. [21:11] Todo     We flaunt the special trait we have     that no one else has to draw interest. [21:15] Todo     I don't know if it'll make girls like us, though. [21:16] Choro     I see. So we're going to bet     on our numbers, right, Sensei? [21:20] Todo     No. But it'll at least     create an opportunity. [21:24] Todo     You guys ready? [21:25] Five     Yeah... [21:27] Todo     We're sextuplets! [21:29] Choro     We're sextuplets! [21:31] Todo     We have the same face! [21:33] Both     We have the same face! [21:35] Todo     We're sextuplets! [21:37] Both     We're sextuplets! [21:39] Todo     We're all sextuplets... [21:40] Both     ...with the same face! [21:42] Oso     Anyone want us? [21:43] Guy     Hey, what's up with those guys? [21:44] Guy 2     Aren't sextuplets a lot? [21:46] Guy 2     I've seen twins before,     but they're sextuplets! [21:48] Guy 2     Isn't that a lot? [21:55] Girl     Can we take a picture with you? [21:57] Guy     Do the same pose, like sextuplets! [22:03] Six     Sheeeh... [22:07] Girls     What's with these guys? They're hilarious! [22:09] Oso     W-We'll have to try again next year... [22:12] Girl     Seriously? [22:12] Five     Yeah... SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:44] Iyami     There's always someone better than you. [23:46] Iyami     The sextuplets don't     understand that at all! [23:50] Iyami     Observe me, and get a clue.     Sheeeh, sheeeh, sheeeh! SIGN    "Iyami Has Arrived" etc. E6 - Iyami Has Arrived Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Iyami Has Arrived" [01:34] Oso     What? Seriously? [01:36] Oso     Mom and Dad left on a trip? [01:38] Choro     Yeah. Apparently. [01:40] Todo     They didn't tell us, did they? [01:42] Kara     Nope. [01:43] Jyu     Didn't hear a thing. [01:44] Choro     When I woke up, I found this letter. SIGN    To our beloved NEETs, Your parents will be going on a trip by themselves. Well? Aren't you jealous? Aren't adults who actually work for a living great, NEETs? We get to go to a hot spring if we randomly feel like it. [01:48] Ichi     "To our beloved NEETs. [01:50] Ichi     Your parents will be going     on a trip by themselves. [01:54] Ichi     Well? Aren't you jealous? [01:56] Ichi     Aren't adults who actually work     for a living great, NEETs? [01:59] Ichi     We get to go to a hot spring     if we randomly feel like it. [02:02] Ichi     We won't be back for a few days, so kthnxbye." [02:07] Kara     Well, that's not nice. [02:09] Todo     It's not. Our parents totally     tried to egg us on. [02:11] Ichi     "PS: Allow us to yell at you in advance. [02:15] Ichi     What are you talking about?!     Who do you think you are?! [02:17] Ichi     Just because your parents     left for a couple of days! [02:20] Ichi     You should be ashamed     of yourselves, you assholes! [02:22] Ichi     That is all. Love, Mom and Dad." [02:24] Todo     Was that even necessary?     They just went off on us as a PS! [02:27] Oso     And why are they yelling at us in advance?! [02:29] Jyu     Yeah! [02:30] Choro     So, yeah. That's apparently what's going on,     so let's try to survive for a couple of days. [02:36] Choro     Look, it seems like they left     us a little bit of money. [02:40] Choro     I'm sure nothing too bad will happen. [02:43] Todo     Looks like something already did. [02:45] Oso     Huh? It's gone! [02:46] Oso     There's nothing in here! [02:49] Todo     Way to go, Choromatsu-niisan! [02:52] Oso     That's mine! [02:55] Oso     That's my money! [02:57] Kara     Go, Choromatsu! Leave this to us! [02:59] Jyu     Go, Choromatsu-niisan! Don't worry about us! [03:02] Ichi     Hurry! [03:03] Todo     That money's basically our lifeline,     so make sure you hide it somewhere safe. [03:08] Choro     Got it. [03:12] Todo     What now? [03:13] Todo     What's— [03:20] Todo     I-Iyami? [03:22] Iyami     Sheeeh... [03:25] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh... [03:26] Choro     Hey, don't come in here! [03:27] Choro     Don't come in here! Hey! [03:29] Oso     Wait, why are you so beat up? [03:32] Iyami     H-Help me, Osomatsu... [03:36] Todo     Stop! [03:39] Iyami     Me hasn't eaten anything in so long... [03:42] Oso     Oh, really? Go home. [03:43] Iyami     Me is going to die. [03:44] Oso     Go home. [03:45] Iyami     Going to die... [03:46] Oso     Leave. [03:50] Iyami     There's something wrong with this world. [03:53] Iyami     Me worked so hard, and yet look at me! [03:56] Iyami     Me hasn't been able to     save any money at all! [03:58] Iyami     Me worked... [04:00] (Flashback) Iyami     Sheeeh! [04:02] Iyami     And worked... SIGN    Here's your box [04:04] (Flashback) Iyami     Sheeeh! [04:05] Iyami     And worked... SIGN    Redo!! Go back to     the country! You suck! [04:07] (Flashback) Iyami     Sheeeh! SIGN    Now hiring! SIGN    Totally free!! Pink Salon Iyami SIGN    Totally free [04:08] Iyami     Worked, worked, and worked some more... [04:12] Iyami     Sheeeh! [04:15] Iyami     Ah, this is the true meaning     of social polarization. [04:18] Choro     Society has nothing to do with this, does it? [04:20] Choro     It's just that you sucked     at your jobs, right? [04:22] Iyami     And so me is going to let you all save     a poor victim of society like myself. [04:31] Iyami     Me is going to let you save— [04:36] Choro     Let's throw him into the ocean. [04:38] Oso     Roger! [04:40] Iyami     Sheeeh! [04:43] Iyami     What's the big idea? Me almost died! [04:46] Oso     Don't worry. You'll live to be 4,000. [04:49] Iyami     Damn it. Don't you have a conscience at all? [04:52] Choro     Not in the least, surprisingly. [04:54] Iyami     What about compassion?! [04:55] Ichi     Nope, surprisingly. [04:58] Iyami     Don't say that! We're old friends! [05:01] Iyami     Just feed me a little! [05:03] Iyami     Take care of me! [05:04] Iyami     Please? Please? [05:08] Todo     No! [05:12] Kara     We get that you've hit some hard times, [05:15] Kara     but we're also in a crisis     ourselves because we're stuck [05:20] Kara     with our stupid, useless, piece of     shit eldest brother for a few days [05:23] Kara     without our parents. [05:24] Oso     Yeah! [05:28] Choro     We don't have any money to give you. [05:30] Choro     So go on, get lost. [05:32] Iyami     Money? Food? [05:33] Iyami     What are you talking about? [05:36] Iyami     Me doesn't need anything so luxurious. [05:41] Iyami     Let's see... [05:43] Iyami     Th-These are... losing horse race tickets! [05:46] Iyami     Are you going to throw them away? [05:48] Oso     Of course. They're losing tickets. [05:51] Iyami     What do you think? [05:54] Iyami     They're safe! [05:59] Oso     Hey! What the heck are you doing?! [06:01] Iyami     I can get a really good stock from these. [06:03] Oso     Huh?! [06:04] Iyami     Are you going to get rid of this? [06:06] Jyu     Yeah, we are. Because that's     last week's horse race paper. [06:13] Iyami     It's safe! [06:15] Jyu     What are you doing?! SIGN    With DVD Pachinko Winning Guide SIGN    Kokko-chan Osomatsu-sama SIGN    This might be okay! [06:18] Kara     They're old magazines.     Of course we're pitching them. [06:21] Iyami     Me is going to try deep-frying these. [06:24] Kara     What?! Why?! [06:25] Todo     We're tossing those. [06:26] Ichi     We're tossing them. SIGN    Canned Bonito SIGN    Tuna SIGN    Job Hunting [06:27] Choro     Tossing. [06:28] Kara     Tossing. [06:29] Oso     Tossing. [06:30] Kara     Tossing. [06:31] Choro     Tossing. [06:32] Ichi     Tossing. [06:33] Jyushi     Tossing. [06:34] Todo     Tossing. [06:38] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:42] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:43] Iyami     Iyami's full-course meal is complete. [06:46] Iyami     Me hasn't been able to     splurge this much in ages. [06:49] Iyami     Me is going to dig right in! [06:57] Iyami     Delicious! The zero-yen cost as the     secret ingredient sure hits the spot. [07:03] Iyami     So good! [07:04] Ichi     Seriously? [07:05] Choro     He's not human... [07:07] Todo     Go home! Please! [07:09] Oso     Don't end up like this in     the future, Karamatsu. [07:11] Kara     Don't end up like this in     the future, Osomatsu. [07:14] Oso     Be careful. [07:15] Kara     You better be careful. [07:16] Ichi     Hey, Jyushimatsu. [07:25] Choro     What's wrong with him? [07:27] Oso     I-Iyami? [07:28] Iyami     Sh-Sheeeh! [07:29] Oso     What's wrong? [07:30] Iyami     My stomach... My stomach! [07:32] Both     Your stomach? [07:33] Iyami     My stomach hurts! Sheeeh! [07:35] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:37] Oso     Hey, you can't be serious! [07:40] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:41] Kara     The bathroom's over there! [07:42] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:44] Jyushi     The bathroom's over there! [07:45] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:46] Choro     What the hell is he doing? [07:47] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:48] Choro     What is this ridiculousness?! [07:48] Iyami     It's coming out! [07:51] Oso     We're telling you the bathroom's over there! [07:53] Iyami     B-But using the bathroom     would be such a waste! [07:55] Oso     Huh? [07:56] Iyami     It's a waste of paper and water! [07:58] Oso     Just hurry up and go, you idiot! [07:59] Oso     It'll be 100 times worse     if you shit yourself! [08:01] Iyami     It's all right. As long as me has this. [08:05] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:12] Six     Hey! [08:14] Iyami     Surprisingly, me loves cleanliness. [08:19] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:27] Iyami     This is my special technique: Washeeehlet! [08:30] Iyami     Me took care of business     without spending any money. [08:32] Six     How?! [08:34] Six     What are we going to do with him?! [08:35] Six     At this rate, our house     is going to be destroyed. [08:38] Six     Let's just treat him for the     meal and get him out of here. [08:42] Todo     Here, wipe. [08:43] Iyami     Thank you kindly. [08:45] Jyushi     Hide your front. [08:46] Iyami     Thanks. [08:48] Ichi     Here. [08:50] Iyami     Me gladly accepts. [08:54] Iyami     Sheeeh! So good! [08:56] Iyami     This is much easier to eat than trash. [09:00] Oso     So he was really just trying     to get a meal out of us. [09:03] Kara     Don't end up like this, Osomatsu. [09:05] Oso     Don't be like this, Karamatsu. [09:07] Choro     Iyami. [09:09] Choro     After you eat that, go home. [09:11] Iyami     But of course. [09:13] Choro     I'm serious. [09:14] Iyami     Oh, come now. Even me wouldn't     overstay my welcome. [09:25] Iyami     Me is sorry for all the trouble. [09:27] Kara     Leave after you eat that. [09:29] Iyami     But of course. [09:31] Kara     It's a promise. [09:32] Iyami     Of course! [09:32] Iyami     You know, you six are actually really nice. [09:37] Iyami     Despite saying no, you ended     up feeding me anyway. [09:41] Iyami     That proves you're all pure-hearted. [09:45] Kara     But you're still going home today. [09:47] Kara     Got it? [09:48] Iyami     Of course. [09:52] Jyu     Here, Iyami. [09:54] Iyami     Sheeeh! Are you sure?! [09:56] Jyu     Just once. Since you're here. [09:58] Iyami     Me can feel the love. [10:02] Ichi     Here. Have this. [10:04] Iyami     Oh, you shouldn't have! [10:07] Ichi     It's nothing. [10:08] Iyami     You're so kind! [10:12] Iyami     Everyone! Allow me to     introduce these gentlemen. [10:16] Iyami     These blessed, honorable sextuplets here     are the true saviors of the world! [10:20] Iyami     These godly sextuplets saved my life! [10:23] Iyami     Worship them! Worship them! [10:25] Iyami     Sheeeh! The exalted six are coming through! [10:28] Iyami     They are so bright, me can't see! [10:33] Iyami     This futon's so warm.     Me is so glad to be alive. [10:36] Iyami     Me is blessed. [10:40] Todo     Hey, Iyami. [10:43] Todo     You can stay here forever. [10:45] Iyami     B-But that's... [10:47] Todo     I said it's fine.     Just let us take care of you. [10:51] Iyami     Y-You guys... [10:54] Iyami     Me will follow you six until my death. [10:58] Iyami     And me will repay you for     your kindness one day. [11:05] Todo     Oh, you idiot. [11:06] Choro     I'm not sure why, but I feel like     I'll sleep really well today. [11:09] Jyu     Yup. [11:11] Iyami     Well, everyone, me bids you goodnight     with hopes of a hopeful tomorrow. [11:16] Six     Night. [11:25] Oso     What the hell is this?! [11:27] Five     What? [11:30] Oso     The money's gone, too! [11:32] Oso     That bastard! [11:33] Oso     Hey, Iyami! Where are you?! [11:35] Oso     Come out! [11:37] Iyami     What's the matter? [11:41] Oso     Hey! Why are you wearing my shirt?! [11:45] Iyami     Doesn't it look great on me? [11:46] Oso     Take it off! [11:47] Iyami     This belongs to me. [11:49] Iyami     Social media games are so much fun! [11:52] Todo     That's my smartphone!     No one said you could touch it! [11:56] Todo     Level 520... [11:57] Todo     How much real money did you spend on this?! [11:59] Iyami     Me doesn't remember. [12:03] Oso     You bastard, Iyami! [12:04] Oso     What is your deal?     You said so yourself, didn't you? [12:07] Oso     That you'd follow us until you     die and repay us someday? [12:11] Iyami     Did me say anything like that? [12:13] Six     Yes! [12:14] Iyami     It doesn't matter anymore. [12:17] Iyami     Me almost died yesterday,     and that's why me asked for help. [12:21] Iyami     But now that me has had my fill and lots     of sleep, me is completely better! [12:24] Iyami     Who cares about all of you? [12:26] Jyu     But we helped you! [12:28] Iyami     Oh? Is it really called helping when you're     just looking for something in return? [12:33] Ichi     I knew we should've just abandoned you. [12:36] Iyami     Abandoned? You're such heartless people! [12:42] Six     Iyami... [12:45] Iyami     Stop it! M-M-M-Me is sorry! [12:47] Iyami     Forgive me! [12:50] Iyami     It was just a whim! [12:52] Iyami     Me will never do it again! [12:54] Iyami     Me promises! [12:56] Oso     Stop attacking us while you     say all that, you dumbass! [12:59] Iyami     Sheeeh! [13:00] Iyami     You six grew up living too comfortably!     You're no match for me! [13:04] Iyami     Me is a true pro. [13:07] Oso     Choromatsu! [13:08] Iyami     Me let my guard down... [13:10] Choro     Do it! [13:11] Choro     Even if I have to go with him! [13:13] Choro     Kill him! [13:14] Iyami     N-Now let's not get hasty!     We can talk this out! [13:18] Choro     You're finished, Iyami. [13:23] Kara     It's finally time to meet your maker. [13:25] Kara     You're going to learn that     the world isn't so kind! SIGN    The world isn't so kind!! [13:35] Choro     Huh? [13:36] Todo     Why, you little... You're all talk! SIGN    You're all talk! [13:43] Choro     Huh? [13:44] Jyushi     That's enough, you freeloader! SIGN    You freeloader!! [13:50] Choro     Hey! [13:51] Choro     All the words you're saying are turning into     boomerangs and coming back to stab you! [13:55] Choro     You need to choose your     words wisely, or we're finished! [13:58] Ichi     You pathetic adult who can't     do anything on your own! SIGN    You pathetic adult who can't do anything on your own!! [14:04] Choro     I told you to choose your words wisely! [14:06] Oso     If you don't reflect upon your actions,     you're going to end up alone someday! SIGN    If you don't reflect upon your actions, you're going to end up alone someday! [14:11] Choro     Are you guys stupid?! [14:12] Kara     Piece of shit! [14:13] Todo     Trash! [14:13] Jyushi     Filth! [14:14] Ichi     You're awful! [14:15] Oso     The worst! [14:16] Five     People like you will get     what you deserve someday! SIGN    People like you will get what you deserve someday! [14:22] Choro     What is that?! It's not     even a boomerang anymore! [14:37] Iyami     Huh? What happened? [14:41] Iyami     Me apparently won. Me is so blessed! [14:45] Iyami     Well, thanks for everything. [14:53] Iyami     Of course the person who says     what's right is going to win. [14:56] Iyami     That's how the world works. [14:58] Iyami     Evil should die! SIGN    Evil should die! [15:06] Iyami     Sheh?! [15:16] Iyami     Sheeeh! SIGN    End SIGN    "I Want Some Friends, Jo" [15:31] Chibi     Oh, hey, Hatabou.     Whaddya got on your face there? [15:35] Hata     This is a robbery, jo. [15:36] Chibi     Huh? [15:37] Hata     This is a robbery, jo. [15:39] Hata     Don't try anything funny,     and bring out your friends, jo. [15:44] Chibi     Friends? [15:45] Chibi     What are you even saying with     that toy pistol in your hand? [15:50] Chibi     Huh? [15:55] Chibi     Here. [15:58] Chibi     Don't look so down, you idjit.     You're gonna bring me down, too. [16:07] Chibi     Committing a robbery     because you want friends? [16:09] Chibi     Trying to scare me with this so     I'd bring out my friends, huh... [16:12] Chibi     Are you dumb? [16:17] Chibi     Do you really not have any friends? [16:19] Chibi     You have at least one,     don't you? Think really hard. [16:25] Chibi     Remember your friend! [16:28] Chibi     You have one, right? [16:33] Hata     Nope, jo. [16:34] Chibi     What?! [16:35] Chibi     That hurt! I don't count     as one of your friends?! [16:40] Hata     Everyone is nice, jo.     Everyone talks to me lots. [16:45] Chibi     Right? [16:46] Hata     But... [16:51] Chibi     Well, whatever. You want friends, right? [16:53] Chibi     All right. Then let's go     find you some friends. [16:57] Hata     Jo? [16:58] Chibi     Come on, let's go, you idjit. [17:04] Toto     Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full. [17:08] Crowd     One serving of squid! [17:10] Toto     Love is an illusion. [17:11] Crowd     Fish dried overnight! [17:13] Toto     All people breathe through gills! [17:22] Toto     So jealous... [17:24] Toto     That just slipped out naturally! Scary! [17:26] Chibi     Totoko-chan. [17:30] Toto     Huh? Friends? [17:31] Chibi     Yeah. He says he wants some. [17:34] Toto     Huh... But I don't have any friends, either. [17:38] Chibi     Wait, you don't?! [17:39] Toto     No. I only have enemies. [17:43] Toto     Okay, Hatabou, I'll be your friend. [17:47] Toto     Huh? Wait, he doesn't want that? [17:49] Toto     What's with that reaction, huh? [17:51] Chibi     N-No, no, no, no, no... That's not... [17:54] Toto     Then what's it supposed to mean? [17:55] Chibi     M-Maybe he's being shy... [17:57] Toto     Really?! [17:58] Chibi     Ow, ow, ow, ow! [18:00] Toto     Oh, I know. [18:01] Toto     Want to ask someone else, then? [18:03] ---     Jo? [18:05] Todo     Huh? You want friends? SIGN    Akatsuka Bath [18:10] Todo     Wait. What are friends, anyway? [18:13] Chibi     What?! [18:14] Toto     I see. So "friend" doesn't even exist     in Todomatsu-kun's vocabulary. [18:19] Todo     That's some kind of folktale, right? [18:20] Todo     It's some kind of institution     that existed in the Edo period. [18:23] Chibi     No, you idjit! They exist now, too! [18:25] Todo     What? It still exists? [18:26] Todo     This institution called "friends"? [18:27] Chibi     It's not an institution! [18:28] Toto     Todomatsu-kun, you know a lot     of people, so do you know [18:31] Toto     anyone who might be Hatabou's friend? [18:36] Todo     Honestly, isn't that pretty hard? [18:38] Todo     Becoming Hatabou's friend     seems pretty difficult. [18:41] Chibi     Hey! [18:42] Todo     Well, I'll see if I can find anyone. [18:44] Toto     Thanks. [18:46] Jyu     Huh? Hatabou? [18:48] Jyu     Roger! [18:49] Ichi     Friends? Oh, really? [18:53] Choro     He wants friends? Hatabou? [18:56] Kara     Friend. [18:58] Kara     It has a nice ring to it. Leave it to me! [19:01] Oso     Too tired. Too much work. [19:03] Deka     Friends? Well, they're very important. [19:07] Dayon     I want some, too. [19:14] Ichi     A friend for Hatabou... Who'd be best? [19:18] Toto     Probably someone nice? [19:20] Jyushi     Well, Hatabou is pretty timid. [19:22] Ichi     You really don't have even one? [19:25] Hata     Nope, jo. [19:26] Kara     Can you think of someone     who might be your friend? [19:29] Deka     What kind of person do you consider a friend? [19:34] Dayon     Take your time. [19:37] Todo     Yeah, think it through. [19:43] Hata     No idea, jo. [19:44] Oso     What?! Seriously? [19:46] Oso     How are we supposed to find one, then?     What's wrong with you? [19:52] Group     What's wrong with you? [19:54] Group     Come on, Hatabou. [19:56] Ichi     Where do friends exist, anyway?     This is hard, Hatabou. [20:00] Hata     It is, jo. [20:02] Todo     You know, this is all up to you, Hatabou. [20:05] Todo     Do you want someone cheerful     or someone funny? [20:07] Oso     Or someone to lend you money     when you're in trouble? [20:09] Choro     That's what you want. [20:11] Jyushi     What kind of friend do you want, Hatabou? [20:15] Hata     I don't know, jo. [20:16] Todo     Yeah, it's hard. If we could figure     that out, it'd make things way easier. [20:20] Ichi     Oh, then... [20:22] Ichi     Want to go look for one somewhere tomorrow? [20:24] Jyu     Huh? A friend? [20:25] Ichi     Yeah. [20:26] Hata     That sounds like fun, jo. [20:27] Deka     Or I could make you a robot     friend at my laboratory. [20:32] Hata     Jo? [20:32] Oso     Hey, that's a good idea. [20:35] Kara     Nice one, Dekapan. [20:36] Dayon     I'll help! [20:38] Toto     Wait, you guys. Hatabou doesn't     look too happy about that. [20:44] Oso     We're just kidding, Hatabou. [20:45] Kara     Don't take it seriously. [20:47] Choro     You dummy. [20:55] Six     Come on. [20:57] Six     What's wrong with you, man? [21:03] Chibi     Hey, Hatabou. So, did you find some friends? [21:07] All     Oden! [21:09] All     We were waiting for this! [21:13] Hata     Everyone, thanks for everything today, jo. [21:15] Hata     See you later, jo. [21:17] Ichi     Yeah, see ya later. [21:19] Hata     Bye-bye, jo. [21:20] All     Bye! [21:24] Chibi     Sheesh... Saying he wants friends,     after all we've been through? [21:28] Deka     He might've just gotten a little insecure. [21:31] Choro     Insecure? [21:33] Dayon     An unidentified loneliness. [21:35] Toto     I see... [21:39] Chibi     I guess you six wouldn't understand. [21:46] Chibi     I'm sure you've gotten through to him. [21:48] Chibi     Everything should be okay now. [21:53] Man     It's an emergency!     There's been a bank robbery! [21:57] Hata     Bring it out, jo. [21:59] Hata     A sweet, cute girlfriend with a great     personality who only has eyes for me, jo. [22:07] Hata     Hand over a girlfriend, jo! I'm Hatabou! [22:10] Chibi     This is beyond me, you idjit. [22:12] Chibi     Now, jo! Give me a girlfriend! SIGN    End [22:14] Chibi     You're on your own. SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:47] Todo     Flirting, mixers, having     encounters, and using apps. [23:49] Todo     A meeting between a boy and girl...     Talk about troubled times! SIGN    "Osomatsu and Todomatsu" etc. [23:51] Todo     Totty wants to get better at all of that! E7 - Osomatsu and Todomatsu Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Cavematsu-san [00:05] All     Cavematsu-san! SIGN    Museum [00:52] Lady     And this is the biggest     exhibit at our museum, [00:55] Lady     a petrified mammoth. [00:58] Lady     For some reason, there were     dead cavemen in its body. [01:01] Lady     How did this happen? [01:03] Lady     Experts are still unable to explain it. SIGN    End SIGN    Sangokushi-san [02:45] Nar     So for whatever reason, [02:47] Nar     we're doing The Romance of     the Three Kingdoms this time. SIGN    Wu SIGN    Wei SIGN    Shu [02:51] Nar     Around 2000 AD, the Chinese     kingdoms of Wei, Wu, and Shu [02:56] Nar     opposed each other and were     fighting hard for supremacy. [03:00] Nar     However, did you know there     was actually a fourth force [03:04] Nar     that also existed around this time? SIGN    Matsu [03:06] Nar     Its name was... Matsu. SIGN    Nihao SIGN    Matsu Castle SIGN    Unify     the Country [03:10] Nar     What kind of kingdom was Matsu? SIGN    Emperor SIGN    Sake [03:14] Nar     This was Matsu. [03:16] Oso     We're going to win! [03:18] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [03:19] Oso     We're going to attack! [03:20] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [03:22] Oso     Let's take over the country! [03:23] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [03:27] Oso     Man, it's so fun being me.     Everything is so merry. [03:30] Oso     Let's hurry up and take     over the country, ‘kay? [03:32] Choro     Emperor. [03:33] Choro     Our empire is small, yet very powerful. [03:35] Choro     With our numbers, we'll have no     problem taking over the country. [03:39] Oso     Really? You sound pretty shady. [03:41] Choro     First, there is something called a     strategist that you need in any battle. [03:46] Oso     Strategist? [03:49] Oso     That's the strategist? [03:49] Oso     He's got snot dripping from his nose.     Can he be trusted? [03:53] Oso     He's eating peaches now.     Does he like peaches or something? [03:55] Jyu     I love them! [03:56] Jyu     Love them! Love them! [03:56] Oso     And he's speaking pretty     casually to the emperor. [03:58] Jyu     I love peaches! [03:58] Choro     Then we have the brave general. [04:00] Oso     Brave general? [04:05] Choro     He's filled with loyalty and combative     spirit. He's extremely reliable. [04:08] Kara     Emperor! Emp'ror! [04:13] Oso     Huh? What's he saying? [04:15] Kara     Em'ror! [04:16] Oso     Isn't he taking his title a bit far?     Brave seems to have turned into crazy. [04:22] Oso     Yeah, I can't hear him at all. [04:29] Oso     Uh, he died? What?! [04:30] Choro     And then we have the barbarian king. [04:32] ---     What's a barbarian king? [04:34] Choro     He usually doesn't work under any authority,     but if you can tame him, [04:37] Choro     he's sure to prove useful. [04:39] Choro     He's absolutely necessary     to establish a kingdom. [04:41] Oso     Uh, but he just took a dump. SIGN    Lord SIGN    Sake [04:44] Oso     Do people usually poop     this much? Is he okay? [04:48] Oso     You're still not done?     You can seriously stop. [04:50] Oso     I don't want any of this! [04:51] Choro     Then we have the youthful talent. [04:54] Choro     A hundred generals, a thousand...     Who knows how much he'll grow? [04:57] Kara     Hey, you! You need to train properly! [05:00] Todo     What? I just got yelled at. [05:02] Todo     Yeah, I quit. I'm going to another kingdom. [05:05] Oso     He's a millennial. Don't need him. [05:07] Oso     So, who are you? [05:09] Choro     I am a civil servant who aids     in governing the empire. [05:12] Choro     I'll use my intelligence and experience     to one day cause a coup d'état SIGN    Totoko [05:15] Choro     and steal the position of emperor. [05:17] Oso     You're the most worthless one here!     Who do you think you are?! [05:19] Choro     Now, my emperor. [05:20] Choro     You should stop yapping so we can     hurry up and attack our enemies! [05:23] Oso     You're the one who started yapping. [05:26] Oso     Well, I guess we can give it a try.     Hey, someone get a map! SIGN    Emperor [05:29] All     As you wish! Yes, yes! SIGN    Wei SIGN    Shu SIGN    Wu [05:43] Oso     By the way, how do you even     read this? I can't read it. [05:47] Kara     Strategist! How do you read this? [05:49] Jyu     Huh? SIGN    Wei [05:49] Choro     Well, this place looks strong,     so let's not go here. [05:52] Choro     It has the character for "ogre" in it. [05:54] All     Yeah, yeah. [05:55] Ichi     I don't wanna go here.     It has "bug" in it. I don't like bugs. SIGN    Shu [05:59] All     Yeah, yeah. [06:01] Jyushi     Then that leaves... SIGN    Wu [06:02] Jyushi     this one, "Kure." [06:05] Oso     Okay. We're going to kick Kure's ass! [06:07] All     As you wish! Yes, yes! [06:09] Oso     We're going to attack! [06:10] All     As you wish! Yes, yes! [06:12] Oso     Let's take over the country! [06:13] All     As you wish! Yes, yes! SIGN    Welcome SIGN    Matsu Castle [06:15] Oso     Go! SIGN    Matsu Castle SIGN    Unify the Country [06:28] Todo     It's too far! We're never going     to get there by running! [06:32] Choro     Where is Kure? I'm beat. [06:34] Kara     This is where the strategist comes in.     Do you have any good strategies? [06:38] Jyushi     Peaches! [06:39] Ichi     So good. [06:40] Jyushi     Strategist! [06:42] Todo     Wanna quit taking over the country, then? [06:44] Oso     Huh? [06:46] Todo     I'm honestly not too serious about this. [06:49] Todo     I just sorta wanted to yell, "As you wish!     Yes, yes," along with everyone else. [06:51] Oso     Huh? [06:53] Ichi     Me, too. [06:53] ---     Huh? [06:54] Choro     Same goes for me. [06:55] Oso     Huh?! [06:56] Choro     Me, too. [06:57] Jyushi     Me, too! [06:57] Oso     What?! All of you?! [06:58] Ichi     I just wanted to have fun with everyone. [07:02] Choro     Shouldn't make this a job.     Should just keep this a hobby. [07:06] Oso     You guys can't be serious!     That's not what you said earlier! [07:09] Kara     Shut up! [07:13] Kara     Who's there? [07:21] Guy     I'm fine now. [07:24] Oso     May I ask you for your name? [07:26] Guy     My name is Sousou. [07:29] All     S-Sousou? [07:32] Jyu     Who's that? [07:32] Ichi     No idea. What a weird name. [07:35] Todo     Such a weird name. [07:38] Sou     I am the prime minister of     the great country of China! [07:41] All     Th-The prime minister of China? [07:43] Jyushi     What's China? Some kind of kingdom? [07:45] Ichi     No idea. What a weird name. [07:46] Todo     Such a weird name. [07:51] Oso     More importantly, doesn't your attitude     sort of suck, considering we just saved you? [07:54] Kara     Yeah, I thought that, too.     Sousou-dono should be thanking us first. [07:58] Oso     Yup, yup. [08:02] Oso     I didn't mean that as a pun on your     name. It was just a coincidence. [08:06] Oso     It was! Come on, you're embarrassing me. [08:10] Sou     Wh-What are all of you doing here? [08:14] Jyushi     Huh? We're getting ready     to take over the country. [08:16] Sou     With your numbers? [08:17] Jyushi     What about you, old man? Whatcha doin'? [08:19] Jyushi     Were you fighting? [08:22] Sou     I was at the Battle of the Red Cliffs. [08:24] Six     Red Cliffs? [08:25] Sou     It's a crucial battle that may decide     who will rule over the country. [08:29] Sou     I've been slightly delayed,     but I can't continue to sit here. [08:32] Kara     Hey, what are you doing? [08:34] Choro     You're going back with those wounds? [08:36] Sou     Yes. [08:37] Ichi     Well, that's stupid. You really shouldn't. [08:39] Jyushi     There's no way you can win     when you're that beat up. [08:41] Sou     But this battle will decide     the fate of the country! [08:45] Oso     Well, who cares about the country? [08:48] Oso     We're more worried about your health. [08:51] Todo     There's no point if you die. [08:53] Choro     It's probably better to run right now. [08:55] Kara     Rest. [08:56] Ichi     There are just some things you can't do. [08:58] Oso     Just give it up. [09:00] Jyushi     Go home, go home. [09:11] Sou     It could be that it is men     like you who are honest, [09:16] Sou     earnest, and without malice who will     lead these troubled times to peace. [09:23] Sou     Hopefully we'll meet again. [09:26] Sou     Thanks for everything. [09:32] Jyushi     Did he just compliment us? [09:33] Choro     Apparently. [09:35] Ichi     I feel good. [09:36] Todo     Yeah. [09:38] Oso     Come to think of it, I think I've     heard the name "Sousou" before. [09:41] Kara     Is he someone important? [09:42] Oso     Yup, yup. SIGN    Wei SIGN    Wu [09:58] Oso     So these are the Red Cliffs... [10:00] Kara     I'm sure we can do it if we try. [10:02] Todo     Let's do this! [10:03] Jyushi     We can do it. [10:05] Ichi     Yeah. [10:05] Choro     I won't let this end as a hobby. [10:07] Oso     Let's win! [10:09] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [10:10] Oso     Let's attack! [10:11] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [10:13] Oso     Let's take over the country! [10:14] Five     As you wish! Yes, yes! [10:21] Oso     Charge! [10:38] Jyu     B-B-Boehba! [10:59] Sou     I placed my hope in them, but... [11:04] Sou     I was wrong! SIGN    Fin [11:09] oso     Yay! SIGN    "Osomatsu and Todomatsu" [11:10] oso     It's a mixer! It's a mixer festival! [11:14] Oso     Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er! [11:16] Todo     Uh, Osomatsu-niisan. [11:18] Todo     What's with that dance? Weirdo. [11:20] Todo     And if you go to a mixer hyped up like that,     you're gonna fail for sure, so just stop. [11:24] Oso     Everyone! Today's the day I get a girlfriend! [11:26] Todo     A girlfriend? As if. [11:28] Oso     I might actually graduate     from being a virgin! [11:31] Todo     You know, Osomatsu-niisan,     we've never even met these girls before. [11:35] Oso     Thank you so much, Totty! [11:36] Todo     Close, close, close, way too close! [11:37] Oso     I mean, you have five older brothers, right? SIGN    Please throw away your garbage here [11:40] Oso     You made the right choice by choosing me. [11:43] Oso     I'm the funniest and the most popular. Nice! [11:46] Todo     Uh, it's not like I actually picked you. [11:48] Todo     You said you won at the horse races, [11:50] Todo     so as long as you pay for stuff, it's all good. [11:51] Oso     Mix-er! Mix-er! Mix-er! [11:53] Todo     He's not even listening!     He's a total weirdo today! [11:56] Oso     Say it with me! [11:58] todo     Let's review this mixer. SIGN    Atsushi SIGN    Introduced [12:00] Todo     There'll be two girls. [12:02] Todo     They're two girls that my friend,     Atsushi-kun, hooked us up with. [12:05] Todo     They're around our age and are employed. SIGN    No Boyfriends [12:07] Todo     No boyfriends. [12:08] Todo     Again, I haven't met them yet, so I won't     know more details until we meet them. [12:12] Todo     Okay? [12:12] Oso     Man, it's starting to feel real all of a sudden.     This is totally different from porn. [12:17] Todo     This part's really important. [12:19] Todo     This is an important factor for you     to make this mixer work out: [12:22] Todo     to try to restrain your lust. [12:24] Oso     My lust? [12:25] Todo     Yeah. That's your worst enemy. [12:29] Oso     Oh, true. I guess I am a bit     pervier than other people. [12:33] Todo     You're not pervy, you're just gross. [12:35] Oso     Wow, you're not holding back, baby bro. [12:37] Todo     So, for today, get rid of any dreams of     wanting to do something pervy to them, [12:41] Todo     hitting them with dirty jokes, or telling them     what you want to do with them later tonight. [12:45] Todo     Eradicate all those thoughts! [12:48] Todo     This is to make them like you! Promise me! [12:57] Todo     Hey, Jyushimatsu-niisan.     Are you free right now? [13:00] Oso     Totty! [13:00] Oso     I got it, Totty! I promise, Totty! [13:04] Oso     But if you tie me down too much,     all my charm is going to disappear. [13:20] Oso     Todomatsu. [13:22] Todo     Welcome back. [13:23] Oso     Here's your smartphone. Thanks. [13:26] Todo     Well? Have you calmed down? [13:28] Oso     Yeah. I have. [13:32] Oso     You don't need to scrub it that hard.     I didn't get it dirty. [13:37] Todo     I just got a message.     They say they'll be here in a bit. [13:42] Oso     Okay. I'm going to do my best,     and no joking around. [13:45] Oso     I'll do everything you said,     and I'll make it a great mixer. [13:48] Oso     This is our chance to meet girls. [13:50] Todo     Yes, so get those evil     thoughts out of your head. [13:52] Oso     Got it. Let's do our best. [13:55] Todo     But you don't have to get     that worked up about it. [13:57] Todo     Just relax and drink like you normally do. [13:59] Oso     Todomatsu. [14:01] Oso     Here. [14:02] Todo     Huh? Come on, Osomatsu-niisan. [14:06] Todo     It's not like two brothers over     twenty are going to share [14:08] Todo     a passionate handshake at a mixer     before the girls get here... [14:12] ---     Let's do this! [14:13] Todo     Let's make this the best! [14:15] Oso     We're gonna be popular! [14:23] Both     They're here! [14:31] Guy     I've brought your appetizers. [14:33] Both     It's just an employee?! [14:37] Three     Cheers! [14:41] Miwa     So good. Beer is the best. [14:45] Todo     You like beer? [14:46] Kumi     Yeah. We can drink it forever. [14:49] Todo     Yeah? [14:50] Miwa     This is the stuff. [14:52] Todo     You sound like some old guy. [14:54] Miwa     I get that all the time. [14:55] Kumi     Well, you are an old guy on the inside. [14:57] Miwa     Don't say that. [14:59] Todo     I think it's because of the contrast. [15:02] Todo     You look so cute, so I bet     that just surprises everyone. [15:05] Miwa     Listen to him, sneaking a compliment in. [15:08] Kumi     I'm gonna blush. [15:10] Oso     I can't do it! [15:12] Oso     There's no way I can drink and have     a normal conversation with a real girl! [15:17] Oso     How's he acting normal, anyway?     Why's he so used to this? [15:19] Oso     So gross! [15:20] Oso     I mean, she's wearing a one-piece     dress and has big boobs. [15:23] Oso     How can he have a conversation without any     dirty jokes when he's faced with that? [15:27] Oso     And the girl next to her has no sleeves! [15:29] Oso     She's wearing a no-sleeve sweater! [15:31] Oso     She was wearing a coat when she came in! [15:33] Oso     Is it winter magic when she takes     it off and is suddenly wearing less? [15:35] Oso     What the hell is winter magic?     That doesn't exist! [15:38] Oso     All their mannerisms are cute. [15:40] Oso     She nonchalantly showed off her armpit! [15:42] Oso     Plus they keep playing     footsie with me down here. [15:44] Oso     When they go to the bathroom,     their bare legs are super close! [15:48] Oso     I can't... [15:50] Oso     This situation is brutal for virgins! [15:52] Oso     Sage mode is going to be     undone in two seconds! [15:54] Oso     Isn't this sexual harassment towards virgins? [15:56] Oso     This is cherry harassment, isn't it? [15:58] Oso     Ugh! [16:02] Oso     I'm so happy I came here today. [16:05] Oso     I'll stop fighting it now.     I've always lived true to myself. [16:11] Todo     Hey. [16:11] Todo     Hey, are you listening? SIGN    Izakaya Nen [16:13] Todo     Kumi-chan and Miwa-chan asked [16:14] Todo     what you think about this ultra     super spicy habanero soup. SIGN    Ultra Super Spicy Habanero Soup [16:17] Kumi     Doesn't that sound like fun? [16:18] Miwa     Do you like spicy food? [16:24] Oso     Boobs. [16:25] Todo     Huh? [16:26] Oso     Boobs. [16:30] Todo     You idiot! How many times did I tell     you not to say stuff like that?! [16:34] Todo     You can't even last ten     minutes since we started?! [16:36] Miwa     Wait, what? [16:37] Kumi     Boobs? [16:38] Todo     What?! No, no, no! [16:40] Todo     He didn't say boobs! [16:41] Todo     A bunch! You said that they should     try a bunch of that soup, right? [16:46] Todo     Thanks! I actually love spicy stuff! [16:49] Kumi     I-I see. [16:51] Miwa     Should we get more drinks? [16:52] Oso     I want to kiss you (chuu shitai). [16:53] Both     Huh? [16:54] Todo     No, no, no, no! That's not what he said! [16:56] Todo     He said he wanted chuhai! That's just what     he says when he wants to drink chuhai. [17:00] Todo     You've heard that before, right? [17:02] Miwa     S-Sure... [17:04] Kumi     Wh-What else should we get? [17:05] Oso     I want to become one (ketsugou) at a hotel. [17:06] ---     Huh? [17:07] Todo     No! He didn't say he wanted to     become one with you at a hotel! [17:11] Todo     He said he wanted to rub his ass     (ketsu goshi) with scallops (hotate). [17:14] Todo     Everyone feels like that, right?     Especially when they drink. [17:17] Todo     Right? [17:19] Guy     Thanks for waiting. [17:24] Todo     Chuhai! Chuhai is the best! [17:27] Todo     And then... [17:30] Todo     So spicy! [17:32] Todo     And then... [17:33] Todo     Scrubbing my butt with scallops.     Scrubbing my butt with scallops. [17:37] Todo     Scrubby scrub. Scrubby scrub. [17:39] Todo     You can't help doing this     when you drink, right? [17:43] ---     Scrubby scrub, scrubby scrub. [17:46] Todo     Why are you looking at me like that?!     It's all your fault this happened! [17:51] Todo     Oh, sorry. Did I hype things     up too much on my own? [17:55] Todo     I'll go cool my head in the bathroom. [17:57] Todo     Excuse us. [17:59] Todo     You friggin' dumbass! [18:02] Todo     I told you not to do that! Why did you     have to lose to your lust, Osomatsu? [18:06] Todo     Get your act together, Osomatsu! [18:08] Todo     Osomatsu... [18:10] Oso     I-I can't... [18:12] Todo     Huh? [18:13] Oso     Please understand, Totty. [18:14] Oso     I know I should control it. [18:17] Oso     But the more you tie me down,     the more my charm disappears. [18:21] Todo     Uh, you don't have any charm.     That's something you totally lack! [18:24] Oso     Let's just do what we want.     Who cares if we fail? [18:27] Oso     I mean, this is our first     time meeting them. [18:28] Oso     If they don't like us,     there's nothing we can really do. [18:30] Todo     Huh? Where's that attitude coming from? [18:33] Oso     Arguing with you over this is worse. [18:36] Tood     Wha... [18:37] Oso     Also, I don't think I can     just somehow make it work. [18:40] Oso     I don't think I have that talent. [18:44] Todo     Okay, fine. Whatever. [18:46] Todo     Just do what you want. [18:47] Oso     Seriously? [18:48] Oso     Yahoo! [18:49] Todo     You owe me pachinko. [18:50] Oso     Sure! [18:53] Oso     Sorry to keep you two waiting! [18:54] Oso     Er, huh? What are you doing? [18:56] Kumi     We're going home. [18:57] Oso     Huh? [18:58] Todo     You're kidding, right? [18:59] Miwa     Well, what were you two     doing in the bathroom? [19:02] Miwa     That was pretty rude. [19:04] Oso     Oh, that was nothing. [19:06] Todo     Yeah, nothing. [19:07] Oso     We were just discussing some things. [19:08] Oso     Like which one of you guys     we were each going to screw. [19:11] Todo     Yeah, yeah... wait, what?! [19:13] Kumi     What? Gross. [19:14] Miwa     Gross. [19:15] Todo     Gross! [19:18] Oso     Well, you guys are dressed so sexy. [19:20] Oso     Of course the conversation's     gonna head in that direction. [19:22] Kumi     Ugh, this guy's the worst. [19:23] Miwa     You've been staring at my chest     this whole time, haven't you? [19:26] Oso     I have. Thanks! [19:29] Oso     Who cares if I look? [19:30] Oso     I mean, I've only been thinking     about dirty things all day today. [19:34] Miwa     Die, Osomatsu. [19:35] Oso     Huh? You prude. [19:36] Oso     You die. [19:37] Miwa     You can die! [19:38] Oso     Stare... [19:39] Miwa     I told you to stop staring! [19:41] Oso     What's the problem? [19:43] Kumi     What do you mean? You can't be serious! [19:45] Todo     It's over... I'm so sorry, Atsushi-kun. [19:49] Todo     No! [19:56] Miwa     I'm drunk. So sleepy. [20:00] Oso     Then go home. You have a boyfriend. [20:02] Miwa     Shut up, you virgin NEET. [20:05] Miwa     You creepo that came to     a mixer with your brother. [20:07] Oso     You knew! I have no reply to that. [20:13] Miwa     Jeez. [20:14] Kumi     More importantly,     Daddy's not replying at all. [20:17] Kumi     So annoying. [20:18] Oso     Ow! Hey, what do you think you're     doing to this hot guy, you uggo? [20:21] Kumi     Who're you calling uggo?! [20:22] Oso     Huh? Your face is only about 30 points. [20:24] Oso     Your personality covers it up some, that's all. [20:26] Kumi     You knew! I have no reply to that. [20:36] Miwa     You're a funny guy. [20:38] Kumi     You might not be so bad. [20:39] Oso     Oh, yeah? Then go out with me. [20:41] Both     Yeah, that's not happening. [20:43] Oso     What the hell? Get out! [20:46] Todo     Um... I'm gonna head home... [20:50] Todo     Um, I'm going home... I'm... [20:58] Todo     Huh? What is this? [21:01] Todo     What's going on? [21:04] Todo     I did my best today, right? Yeah, I did. [21:08] Todo     I'm a good boy. [21:10] Todo     I love you, Totty. [21:12] Todo     Really? Thank you! [21:14] Todo     Yeah! Um... you've got a nice voice! SIGN    Akatsuka Station [21:20] Oso     Man, I've gotta make more     at the races again. [21:25] Oso     It's those girls! [21:27] Oso     Hey, Kumi-chan! Miwa-chan! [21:31] Oso     It is you two! Hey,     it's me from the other day! [21:33] Oso     Osomatsu! Remember me? [21:35] Oso     Man, wasn't that a lot of fun?     I never thought it'd get that wild. [21:38] Oso     Let's go drinking again!     Just give Todomatsu a call. [21:41] Oso     I'm always free. [21:42] Kumi     No, that's okay. [21:44] Oso     Huh? [21:45] Kumi     Considering the situation we were in,     we just acted that way so we'd have fun. [21:50] Miwa     Well, if the opportunity presents itself     again... Though I don't think it will. [21:55] Girl     Bye. [22:00] Oso     Huh? But what about... [22:02] Oso     Huh? What was all that, then? [22:05] Oso     Huh? [22:05] Oso     But... wait... huh? SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:47] Jyushi     Jyushimatsu and a dolphin! [23:49] Jyushi     A dolphin for you! [23:50] Jyushi     Nothing's better than dolphins! SIGN    "Jyushimatsu and the Dolphin" etc. [23:52] Jyushi     Mammals! E8 - Jyushimatsu and the Dolphin / Totoko and Nyaa Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Synthesis" [01:36] Deka     It's finally complete! [01:39] Deka     This is the invention of the century!     It will instantly combine any two things. SIGN    Knock First [01:44] Deka     Right Outta Nowhere-chan No. 1. [01:50] Deka     First, we'll do this, [01:53] Deka     then this... [01:56] Deka     Here we go! SIGN    In Use SIGN    In Use [02:31] Deka     It's a success! [02:33] Deka     Curry rice right outta nowhere! [02:36] Deka     This is going to make me rich!     All my hard work's finally paying off! [02:43] Deka     I'm so happy! SIGN    In Use SIGN    In Use [03:21] Deka     My name is Flypan. [03:27] Deka     Pleasure doing business with you. SIGN    Uochuu [03:30] Oso     One, two... One, two... [03:33] Toto     Stop peeking, you dumbass! Get outta here! [03:36] Oso     Ow... [03:38] Iyami     Sheeeh! What are you     going to do about this?! [03:41] Iyami     I demand compensation! This is slander! [03:45] Iyami     Hand over reparations! [04:04] Iya     Sheeeh! My name is Iyamatsu! [04:11] Iya     Pleasure doing business with you. [04:27] Chibi     My name is Chibibou, jo! [04:30] Chibi     The hell?! You jerks! Dammit! [04:33] Chibi     Pleasure doing business with you. [04:45] Kara     I'm Karachoro! [04:47] Choro     Hey, hey, hey! [04:49] Kara     Come at me, bro! [04:50] Choro     Bring it on, bro! [04:54] Both     Pleasure doing business with you. [05:06] Jyushi     Boeh! [05:10] Ichi     We're a monster. [05:14] All     Pleasure doing business with you. [05:26] Thing     My name is Hashimoto Nyaanosuke, meow. [05:28] Thing     Meow. [05:30] Thing     Pleasure doing business with you. [05:46] Toto     Pleasure doing business with you. [06:31] Dayon     Gonna combine even more! SIGN    Bakery SIGN    Ramen [06:44] Dayon     Even more! [06:53] Dayon     Now God will be complete. [07:35] Dayon     I've done something horrible! SIGN    End SIGN    Akatsuka Sealand SIGN    Akatsuka Sea     Dolphin Show SIGN    Jyushimatsu and     the Dolphin SIGN    Dolphin Trainer Office [08:16] Kara     You can't be serious! SIGN    Dolphin Trainer Office [08:21] Kara     Are you mocking this job?     You must be, to say something like that! [08:26] Jyu     No, I'm not! I just want to do this job. [08:30] Jyu     So, please! [08:33] Kara     It's impossible. [08:34] Jyu     Please! [08:35] Kara     Nope. [08:36] Jyu     Please! [08:39] Ichi     Go on home. There are things     in this world that work out if you try, [08:44] Ichi     but there are some that don't. [08:45] Choro     And this case would be the latter.     You're not cut out for this job. [08:49] Jyu     Please don't say that! [08:51] Choro     Well, it's true. [08:52] Jyu     But why?! [08:54] Choro     I mean, I could understand if you wanted     to become a dolphin trainer like us, [08:59] Choro     but you want to become a dolphin, right? [09:01] Choro     You mean an actual dolphin, right? [09:05] Choro     It's not possible. [09:08] Jyu     No. As long as I do my best,     it'll work out somehow! [09:11] All     No, it won't! [09:13] Todo     It's impossible, no matter     how you think about it! [09:14] Jyu     And I ask you not to say that! [09:16] Oso     Seriously, why a dolphin?!     Why would you choose a dolphin? SIGN    Now Hiring SIGN    Become Friends     with the Dolphins [09:19] Oso     If you want to be a trainer,     we're short-staffed so we're definitely looking! [09:23] Jyu     No. I have no interest     in becoming a trainer, so I can't. [09:27] Oso     You seriously piss me off. [09:29] Kara     How are you even going to become a dolphin? [09:32] Jyu     I'll work hard. [09:33] Choro     You're a human! You're not going to be able     to swim backstroke or do high jumps! [09:36] Jyu     But I can! [09:38] Ichi     Why? Why do you want     to be a dolphin so badly? [09:42] Jyu     Well, you see... [09:44] Jyu     I'm a NEET. [09:47] Jyu     B-Because I'm a NEET,      I wanted to find a job. [09:51] Jyu     I want to be able to make money on my own... [09:54] Choro     Yeah, uh, we're not feeling sorry for you. [09:56] Ichi     You're a NEET, so you want a job? [09:59] Ichi     Seriously, why do you want     to become a dolphin, then? [10:01] Ichi     If that's your goal,     you should get a real job first. [10:04] Ichi     Though it's still impossible     for you to become a dolphin! [10:06] Jyu     It's not impossible! [10:07] All     Get lost! [10:08] Jyu     No! [10:11] Girl     Please wait! [10:14] Girl     Leader, would you let me     handle him for a while? [10:18] Kara     Huh? What do you mean? [10:21] Girl     I'll train him responsibly, [10:24] Girl     and I'll help him appear     in the dolphin show as a dolphin. [10:28] Kara     Wh-What? [10:38] Choro     Come on, out of the way! [10:39] Oso     Move! [10:41] Ichi     The Dolphin Sisters are coming through! [10:43] Kara     Clear a path! [10:46] Todo     Ew, the pool reeks of human today, Sissies. [10:52] Four     How gross. [10:54] Girl     It's okay, Jyushimatsu-kun. [10:57] Girl     Let's practice together over here. [11:00] Jyu     ‘Kay. [11:04] Girl     You can do it, Jyushimatsu-kun! [11:06] Girl     Dolphins hold their breath for about     fifteen minutes under the water. [11:09] Girl     Just twelve more minutes! [11:12] Jyu     I can't... I can't breathe! [11:14] Girl     What? You can't hold out? [11:16] Girl     Let's have you come     up for air real quick, then. [11:18] Girl     Dolphins can fill their lungs 90% full     of fresh air with a single breath. [11:24] Girl     Ready? Go! [11:27] Girl     Jyushimatsu-kun! [11:30] Girl     Jyushimatsu-kun! [11:37] Gil     And go! [11:43] Girl     Swim in that position, Jyushimatsu-kun. [11:46] Girl     Use your inner dolphin! Dolphin kick! [11:48] Girl     Feel the dolphin with     every part of your body! [11:51] Girl     You're a dolphin!     You're a dolphin, Jyushimatsu-kun! [11:55] Girl     Jyushimatsu-kun! [12:00] Girl     Okay, ready? [12:01] Girl     Here. [12:05] Girl     Come on, you have to     swallow it whole. Ready? [12:09] Girl     Here. [12:11] Girl     Here. [12:12] Girl     Here. [12:14] Girl     Here, here, here, here. [12:22] Girl     Jeez! Why can't you even do that much? [12:25] Girl     Hurry up and let out an ultrasonic squeak. [12:30] Girl     Come on, hurry!     You're a dolphin, aren't you? [12:32] Girl     Where's your whistling? Your barking? [12:34] Girl     Why can't you make those sounds? Ugh! [12:37] Girl     Jyushimatsu-kun, you idiot! [12:41] Girl     There! [12:43] Girl     Hup! [12:46] Girl     Here's your reward. [12:48] Girl     Hey! Straighten up, Jyushimatsu! [12:52] Girl     Jyushimatsu! [12:54] Girl     Jyushimatsu! [12:55] Jyu     You're tougher than I thought you'd be! SIGN    Closed [13:01] Iyami     Sheeeh! Are you all training hard? [13:05] Iyami     If you mess up in front of the director,     you'll have to deal with me. SIGN    Director [13:10] Kara     Don't worry. We've got this down. [13:12] Choro     Please start the test whenever. [13:14] Iyami     Are you sure? [13:16] Jyushi     Thanks for your time! [13:21] Deka     Start the test. [13:24] Todo     I'll go first! [13:26] Todo     Jump! [13:28] Iyami     Very good. [13:30] Oso     There! [13:30] Choro     Go! [13:35] Iyami     Sheeeh! Fabulous! [13:39] Deka     Very good. You're all very skilled. [13:42] Iyami     We'll make a killing again      won't we, sir? [13:44] Girl     Jyushimatsu, go! [13:48] Iyami     Huh? [13:50] Girl     Now's the time to show off all     your hard work, Jyushimatsu! [14:06] Girl     Go! [14:17] Deka     I will now announce the results. [14:20] Deka     You're the only one that failed. [14:22] Both     What?! [14:23] Girl     No way! [14:24] Jyushi     Why?! [14:25] Iyami     Sheeeh! [14:29] Jyushi     I'm going to drown! This pool is deep! [14:33] Deka     No dolphin looks like that. [14:34] Iyami     You're fired! [14:41] Jyushi     Why? But I worked so hard...     I did my absolute best. [14:46] Girl     No, Jyushimatsu-kun. To be honest,     I think you failed, too. [14:52] Jyushi     Huh? [14:53] Girl     You're not a dolphin at all. [14:55] Girl     I thought I was watching a grade     schooler learning how to swim. [15:00] Jyushi     But wasn't the training a bit weird, too? [15:03] Girl     That's true, too. [15:07] Girl     It's just impossible. I was moved by     your passion, so I tried to help, but... [15:12] Girl     It's just not possible for     you to become a dolphin. [15:16] Girl     Let's go home. [15:17] Jyushi     No, I'm going to practice. [15:19] Girl     It's no use. [15:20] Jyushi     I've only failed the test once! [15:22] Girl     It's impossible! You're just not a dolphin! [15:25] Jyushi     Shut up! I'm going to do this! [15:27] Girl     Give it up! [15:28] Jyushi     No! [15:29] Girl     Just accept it! [15:30] Jyushi     No! I'll never give up on my dreams! [15:37] Girl     You blockhead. [15:39] Girl     Do what you want! [16:07] Choro     Having to work on your day off sucks. [16:09] Oso     So tired. [16:10] Kara     Who are we seeing at the mixer tonight? [16:12] Todo     Doctors. [16:13] Kara     Seriously?! [16:16] Ichi     Hey, what's that? [16:20] kara     Huh? What are they doing? [16:24] Choro     They're jumping... but there's no audience. [16:31] Todo     Go! [16:32] Choro     Here! [16:36] Oso     Go! [16:48] Kara     And that's a wrap on the Sealand     dolphin show! Thank you very much! [16:56] Jyu     We're not done yet! [16:58] Girl     Huh? [17:01] Jyu     Here I go! [17:04] Kara     What do you think you're doing?! [17:08] Iyami     Sheeeh! Stop him immediately! [17:11] Kara     Right! Uh, ladies and gentlemen,     the show is now over. [17:15] Choro     P-P-P-P-Please just ignore everything     you see from here on out. [17:18] Girl     Move! [17:19] Girl     Everyone! This is a special program     by our new dolphin, Jyushimatsu! [17:25] Girl     He's new, so he might not be the best,     but please give him a warm welcome! SIGN    Akatsuka [17:37] Girl     Go, Jyushimatsu-kun. Do everything     you can possibly do now! [17:58] Girl     Huh? [18:03] Girl     H-He actually did it! Wh-What's going on? [18:11] Girl     A-Amazing! You look like one. [18:13] Girl     You look like a dolphin, Jyushimatsu-kun! [18:21] Todo     Wait, wait, what?! [18:24] Oso     What the heck is that? [18:29] Ichi     Hey, stop that! Stop! [18:31] Choro     Stop! [18:33] Kara     It's no use. [18:34] Kara     They aren't listening to us at all. Why?! [18:39] Iyami     Sheeeh! [18:43] Girl     Go... [18:48] Girl     Go! SIGN    The endless sea SIGN    Beyond the horizon SIGN    Jyushimatsu became SIGN    a dolphin and is laughing SIGN    If you feel like you've reached your limits SIGN    Go to the sea and call out his name SIGN    He'll be sure to come for you right away SIGN    Jyushimatsu who became a dolphin SIGN    Flip flop, splish splash SIGN    Full Monty SIGN    Flip flop, splish splash SIGN    Ah, full Monty SIGN    With you, with you SIGN    So that I can smile with you SIGN    I'll swim with my ass out SIGN    It's just stupid to be depressed anymore SIGN    Everybody let's... SIGN    Jyushiolphin SIGN    Completely naked, let's Jyushiolphin SIGN    Jyushiolphin SIGN    Jyushiolphin SIGN    Fin [21:45] ---     Hybrid Oden SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa" [21:53] Toto     Good evening, Chibita-kun. [21:55] Chibi     Oh, Totoko-chan! You came! [21:58] Chibi     Thanks! [22:01] Toto     Huh?! [22:17] Toto     So good! [22:21] Nya     So good! [22:25] Toto     Well, this is a surprise.     I didn't think I'd see you drinking by yourself. [22:30] Nyaa     Yeah, sometimes. I guess I never told you. [22:35] Toto     Yeah, you never told me. [22:37] Nya     Well, because I never told you. [22:42] Toto     Oh, hey. So, how much do you usually drink? [22:46] Toto     How much alcohol? [22:47] Nya     Oh, you know. The usual. [22:50] Toto     Huh? What's usual? [22:52] Nya     I told you, usual. [22:53] Toto     And I'm asking you what you mean by "usual." [22:55] Nya     Usual. [22:56] Toto     "Usual" isn't an answer.     I'm asking you how much. [22:59] Nya     The usual amount. [23:01] Toto     And I'm telling you, "usual"     doesn't make any sense! [23:04] Nya     Huh?! [23:06] Nya     I'm telling you, it's usual! [23:08] Toto     Just tell me an actual amount! [23:10] Nya     Usually people can tell what     a usual amount is! [23:13] Toto     Would you stop saying "usual"?!     People usually don't say "usual" that much! [23:18] Nya     What?! [23:19] Nya     What? [23:20] Toto     What?! [23:21] Chibi     Hey, hey, hey, hey... [23:23] Toto     You wanna piece of me, dumbass?! [23:25] Toto     Come on, you dumbass! [23:26] Nyaa     Die! SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:32] Oso     Heya! It's Osomatsu! [23:34] Oso     A hedge between keeps friendship green? [23:37] Oso     A hedge between keeps friendship green? [23:41] Oso     Yeah, I know. How long do you     think I've been a sextuplet? [23:45] Oso     A hedge between keeps friendship green? [23:49] Oso     A hedge between keeps friendship... SIGN    "Campaign Starting Now!" etc. [23:51] Oso     Yeah, yeah, I know. E9 - Campaign Starting Now! Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Campaign Starting Now!" [01:42] Choro     Ow! Jeez, Jyushimatsu! [01:45] Jyushi     Sorry. [01:46] Jyushi     Karamatsu-niisan,     could you get my ball for me? [01:49] Kara     Huh? Oh... SIGN    Currently 76 boxes [01:54] Sign     How many boxes will it take     for the golden angel to show up? [01:56] Oso     How stupid is he? [01:59] Todo     It's way more fun to watch     streams than do them. [02:02] Kara     I see... I'll be sure to incorporate that. SIGN    Become drunk on our beauty     under these neon lights [02:40] Todo     He's amazing. [02:42] Oso     It's so funny. [02:45] Todo     He's so awesome. [02:46] Ichi     Hey, guys... [02:50] Ichi     I said hey. [02:51] Oso     Want to watch a few more? [02:52] Todo     Yeah, a little more. [02:53] Ichi     Hey! [02:54] Oso     Really? [02:54] Choro     What's the matter, Ichimatsu? [02:56] Ichi     Aren't you going to sleep? It's past 1 AM. [02:59] Choro     Oh. All right. [03:01] Choro     I'll go to sleep after this chapter.     Sorry about that. [03:04] Todo     Yeah, I'll go to sleep soon, too. [03:07] Todo     Osomatsu-niisan, let's make this the last one. [03:08] Oso     Yup. [03:10] Kara     What's the matter, brother? You can't sleep? [03:13] Kara     Then I'll sing you my famous lullaby— SIGN    Wild vs Formal [03:50] Choro     Wow, so good. That was amazing! [03:59] Ichi     You're not going to sleep, are you?! [04:01] Three     Huh? [04:03] Ichi     How long are you going to keep this up?     It's already past 2 AM! [04:06] Choro     Oh, sorry. I'll go to sleep as     soon as I'm done reading this. [04:09] Ichi     Why did you start a new volume?! [04:11] Ichi     Don't start a new volume of     a light novel at 2 AM, you idiot! [04:15] Oso     Oh, shut up already. Just go to sleep, then. [04:18] Oso     You don't have to wait for us to get tired. [04:20] Ichi     It's not that I'm waiting for you.     I can't sleep. [04:24] Oso     You can't sleep? Why? [04:26] Ichi     The light's too bright.     I want to turn off the light. [04:29] Oso     Ah... Yeah, that's not happening. [04:32] Choro     Well, I'm still reading. [04:34] Todo     And we're still watching. [04:35] Ichi     Wait, wait, wait. But it's past 2 AM! [04:37] Ichi     It's time to sleep! [04:38] Todo     So just go to sleep, then. [04:40] Ichi     I'm telling you I can't! [04:42] Todo     Wait, why can't you sleep? Do you have     some kind of p***logical disorder? [04:46] Ichi     I can't sleep because the light's too bright! [04:48] Oso     Then use an eye mask or something. [04:51] Ichi     We don't have any of the latest     fashion items with an [04:53] Ichi     English name in this house. [04:55] Oso     Are eye masks one of     the latest fashion items? [04:58] Choro     Okay, Ichimatsu, why don't you use this? [05:00] Ichi     Huh? [05:01] Choro     If you cover your eyes with this towel,     it's not bright, right? [05:04] Ichi     No, a little bit of light still     gets through that way. [05:07] Ichi     Also, there's pressure from the fact     that I can't let it fall off my face, [05:10] Ichi     so it's even harder to sleep. [05:12] Todo     Why don't you use your arm? [05:15] Todo     Your arm should be a perfect     fit and it won't shift. [05:19] Ichi     Are you stupid? [05:20] Todo     Huh? [05:20] Ichi     You try sleeping in that position. [05:22] Ichi     When you wake up, [05:23] Ichi     you'll suffer from an unknown pain that     could be either muscle pain or numbness. [05:28] Oso     Then just dive under your futon.     That basically solves everything. [05:32] Oso     You're so annoying. [05:33] Ichi     Are you total trash? [05:34] Oso     Huh? [05:35] Ichi     That only works in the beginning. [05:37] Ichi     Why would I put myself in an even     more uncomfortable situation [05:39] Ichi     where I can't breathe nor sleep     just so it's not bright anymore? [05:42] Oso     Then just go buy an eye mask     at the hundred yen shop. [05:44] Ichi     They're closed at this hour. [05:46] Oso     Convenience store, then? [05:47] Ichi     There's no guarantee     there'll be an eye mask there. [05:50] Oso     Then just use a towel or     something to cover your eyes. [05:54] Ichi     Didn't I just reject that idea? [05:56] Ichi     Seriously? Are you stupid? [05:57] Oso     Ugh! I can't think of any good solutions! [06:00] Todo     I see... You can't sleep because     the light's too bright. [06:05] Three     What to do? [06:10] Ichi     Uh, can't we just turn off the light? [06:12] Ichi     Why can't you get to that conclusion? [06:15] Choro     I know! We can just make the light     dimmer by using the tiny light! [06:17] Both     Oh, I see! [06:19] Ichi     Uh, let's just turn off the light. [06:21] Choro     See? Now you can sleep, too, right? [06:24] Todo     But can you read your book     like this, Choromatsu-niisan? [06:27] Choro     I think once I got used to it, I could. [06:29] Todo     Yeah? [06:30] Jyushi     You can't! [06:31] Todo     When did you wake up? [06:33] Jyushi     I can't sleep with the tiny light on.     I'll keep thinking about it. [06:36] Kara     Same here, brother.     The tiny light is too bad. [06:40] Oso     I guess we have those against     the tiny light, too. [06:45] Todo     Well, goodnight. [06:46] Both     Goodnight. [06:50] Ichi     Could you at least not be noisy? Promise me. [06:53] Oso     Yup. [06:54] Todo     Got it. [06:55] Choro     We promise. [07:03] Choro     I see... It's fate... [07:06] Todo     What is this? [07:07] Choro     Now this is happening? Seriously? [07:09] Todo     Look, look, look, look! [07:11] Choro     What?! What's going to happen next? [07:15] Todo     Man, this guy really is stupid! [07:18] Choro     So good! I can't stop! [07:20] Choro     Someone stop my eyes and hands! [07:22] Oso     This is too funny! [07:24] Todo     Online videos are the best! [07:26] Ichi     I-I want to kill them... [07:30] Ichi     No... I'll just count some cats. [07:34] Ichi     One cat. [07:35] Ichi     Two cats. [07:37] Ichi     Three cats. [07:39] Ichi     Four cats. [07:40] Ichi     Five cats. [07:42] Ichi     Six cats. [07:43] Ichi     Seven cats. [07:45] Ichi     Eight cougars. [07:46] Ichi     Eight cougars?! [07:48] Oso     There's something so hot about cougars. [07:51] Todo     Yeah, cougars. [07:53] Choro     True. [07:55] Ichi     One cat. [07:57] Ichi     Two cats. [07:59] Ichi     Three cats. [08:01] Ichi     Four cats. [08:02] Ichi     Five Shoueis. [08:04] Ichi     Why?! [08:05] Choro     It's Shouei-san! [08:06] Todo     I want to see Shouei again. [08:09] Oso     Hey. Let's watch that cougar again. [08:11] Todo     What? Let's watch Shouei a little longer. [08:12] Ichi     One cat. [08:14] Ichi     Two cats. [08:16] Ichi     Three cougar Shoueis... [08:18] Ichi     I can't sleep like this! [08:20] Ichi     That was freaky... Talk about trauma. [08:23] Ichi     That's going to change my fetish... [08:24] Oso     What? You're still complaining? [08:27] Ichi     You guys promised you'd     be quiet, didn't you? [08:30] Todo     We can't help it. We're not tired yet. [08:34] Choro     Seriously. You're so selfish. [08:36] Ichi     Selfish?! [08:37] Ichi     S-S-S-Selfish?! Me?! [08:40] Three     Huh? [08:41] Ichi     It's past two in the morning! [08:43] Ichi     I've gone to the bathroom, brushed     my teeth, gotten into my futon, [08:46] Ichi     and me asking for the lights to be turned     off makes me selfish in this household?! [08:50] Ichi     Where do we live?! [08:51] Ichi     What country? Do we live overseas? [08:53] Ichi     Is that it?! [08:54] Jyushi     So noisy. Are you guys arguing? [08:59] Ichi     It's nothing, Jyushimatsu. [09:00] Ichi     Just go to sleep. Sorry. [09:03] Kara     What's wrong, brother? [09:04] Ichi     No problem, brother. [09:06] Ichi     Goodnight. Bye-bye forever. [09:08] Ichi     That was close. 3 versus 3 was     about to turn into 5 versus 1. [09:12] Ichi     They finally went to sleep, so don't get all     riled up and wake them by shouting. [09:15] Choro     Uh, you're the one who's     getting riled up and shouting. [09:18] Todo     Jeez... Then just go sleep     downstairs, Ichimatsu-niisan. [09:22] Ichi     Huh? [09:23] Todo     It's too bright in here,     right? Then go downstairs. [09:26] Ichi     Huh? Why do I have to move? [09:29] Oso     Actually, just don't sleep, Ichimatsu.     Just wait until we get sleepy. [09:33] Ichi     What are you saying? [09:35] Choro     Oh, I know. What about the balcony? [09:37] Choro     I think that'd be perfect. [09:40] Ichi     What brought you to that conclusion? [09:43] Todo     I wonder where would be best... [09:44] Oso     Where should we have him move? [09:47] Choro     That's a tough one. [09:50] Ichi     Seriously, the light... [09:53] Ichi     No, really, the light... [10:04] Ichi     There's something wrong with this,     right? How did this happen? [10:07] Ichi     Hey, why do I have to go     sleep on the roof by myse— [10:17] Ichi     Wake up! [10:19] Ichi     Wake up, wake up, wake up,     wake up, wake up! [10:22] Ichi     Wake up! [10:24] Kara     Wh-Wh-What's wrong, brother? [10:26] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan?     Did your fetish change? [10:31] Ichi     Listen up. Let me just confirm one thing. [10:34] Ichi     Is each of us an only child, huh? [10:37] Todo     Huh? What do you mean? [10:39] Ichi     Answer me! Is each of us an only child? [10:41] Choro     No, we aren't. [10:43] Ichi     We aren't, right? Then are we twins? [10:45] Ichi     Triplets?! [10:46] Oso     We're sextuplets. [10:47] Ichi     Sextuplets! We're sextuplets! [10:51] Jyushi     Did he go insane? [10:54] Ichi     Listen up. That basically means     there are six guys with [10:57] Ichi     six smelly dcks hanging down     living in this tiny room. [11:00] Ichi     Do you think the miracle of     all six of us getting sleepy [11:02] Ichi     at the same time would     really happen? Of course not. [11:04] Ichi     When one of us is sleepy,     the others won't be as sleepy. [11:07] Ichi     That kind of situation is only natural, right? [11:09] Ichi     But at a certain time,     the light should go off! [11:11] Ichi     Even those who weren't that tired     should try their best to fall asleep! [11:15] Ichi     We have no choice but     to live by giving a little! [11:17] Ichi     Because there are six of us, meow! [11:23] Ichi     An oath. As of 3:16 AM on November 28th, [11:27] Ichi     I, Matsuno Ichimatsu,     will put the "We Are Brothers, [11:30] Ichi     So We Should Be More Considerate Toward     Each Other Campaign" into effect. [11:33] Ichi     So, from now on, since we're brothers,     let's be more considerate of each other. [11:36] Ichi     Meow! [12:17] Kara     H-Hey! What is he doing? [12:20] Choro     He's monitoring us. [12:21] Kara     Monitoring us? [12:22] Choro     He's checking to make sure     we're compromising and being [12:26] Choro     considerate of each other. [12:27] Todo     What? Seriously? That's so annoying. [12:30] Ichi     Why, hello, Jyushimatsu-san. [12:33] Jyushi     Hello. Thank you for everything you do. [12:35] Todo     Uh, they're total strangers now! [12:36] Todo     They've gone beyond being considerate! [12:38] Choro     This sure turned out weird. [12:41] Oso     Eh, who cares? Let's see how this plays out. [12:44] Oso     It actually seems sorta fun. [12:45] Choro     Huh? What's so fun about it? [12:53] Ichi     Hold it. [12:55] Ichi     Why did you put the soy sauce     back in front of you? [12:58] Ichi     You know other people will use it, right? [12:59] Ichi     With that in mind, you should     return it to where it was, right? [13:02] Oso     Huh? S-Sure... [13:09] Ichi     Seriously! Why would you put     it back in front of you? [13:12] Ichi     Choromatsu's going     to use it next, isn't he? [13:15] ---     Here. [13:17] Ichi     How is this right? [13:18] Ichi     We both paid half for that,     and yet about two-thirds is gone. [13:22] Ichi     That's not considered half, is it? [13:27] Ichi     Why are you only eating all     the yellow Tunapiro pieces? [13:30] Ichi     If you don't eat them equally     with the silver pieces, [13:32] Ichi     someone's going to have to eat     only the silver pieces later! [13:36] Ichi     Seriously... SIGN    Vanilla [13:37] Ichi     Why are you only eating the vanilla ones? [13:40] Ichi     Eat a vanilla one, then a chocolate one!     Think about the balance! [13:43] Ichi     How is this right? [13:44] Ichi     You should take good care     of things you borrow, right? [13:47] Ichi     How is this right? [13:48] Ichi     You should probably pay for that now, right? [13:51] Ichi     Yeah, no. That's unforgivable. SIGN    Pawn Shop SIGN    Pawn Shop [13:54] Ichi     Out. SIGN    Pawn Shop [13:55] Ichi     Yeah, that's out. SIGN    Pawn Shop SIGN    Dried Fish [13:57] Ichi     I'll kill you. [13:59] Ichi     Seriously, stop. [14:00] Ichi     Stop that, you shitty eldest. [14:02] Ichi     Stop. Seriously, stop being a menace. [14:04] Ichi     Not that, either. Or that! [14:05] Ichi     Stop! [14:06] Ichi     Out! [14:07] Ichi     That's out! I already told you no on that! [14:09] Oso     Hold it! [14:11] Oso     Wait! Why am I the only one     getting caught so much?! [14:14] Oso     He's seriously after me!     Isn't that messed up?! [14:19] Oso     Come on, guys! Let's be honest! [14:21] Oso     Being monitored like this     is suffocating! It's no fun! [14:26] Oso     Majority rules! Ready? [14:28] Oso     All those opposed to the     bullshit campaign called [14:30] Oso     "We Are Brothers, So We Should Be Toward     Considerate About Each Other Campaign"! [14:33] Oso     Me! [14:39] Oso     What?! [14:41] Ichi     Those who wish to continue this campaign. [14:43] Four     Me. [14:44] Oso     What?! Well, that's surprising! [14:47] Choro     How is that surprising? SIGN    End SIGN    "Arcade Iyami" [15:01] Iyami     Me knew it! [15:04] Iyami     This is because of how virtuous me is     on a daily basis! Let's go straight away! SIGN    Aka Arcade SIGN    Whack-a-Komodo SIGN    Almost a Master [15:24] Kid 1     Yes! I've never gotten 80 points before! [15:28] Kid2     Good for you. [15:29] Iyami     Out of the way. [15:33] Kid 2     Uh, where did this guy that we kids should     definitely stay away from come from? [15:41] Kid 1     Y-You're doing it on the highest level? [15:46] Kid 1     What?! There are even more     Komodo dragon holes now! [15:49] Kid 1     What is this? [15:51] Game     3... 2... 1... Start! [15:57] Iyami     Sheeeh! [16:01] Kid 1     What?! [16:03] Iyami     Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! [16:06] Iyami     Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void     of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top! SIGN    Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top SIGN    You Should've Come the Day Before SIGN    Almost a Master SIGN    You Don't Even Need a Shotgun [16:32] Kid 2     He got the highest rank! [16:34] Kid 1     Th-That's amazing! [16:45] Kid 1     No way... [16:47] Kid 2     H-How's he supposed to deal with all that? [16:50] Game     3... 2... 1... Start! [16:56] Iyami     Sheeeh! [17:05] Iyami     Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star     Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce! SIGN    Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce [17:14] Kids     Huh? Say what? [17:16] Iyami     Sheeh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheeeh! [17:28] Kid 1     A-Amazing... The ones that went into     a panic were the Komodo dragons. [17:33] Kid 2     H-How can you hit them     so fast, mister? Tell us! [17:38] Iyami     I can see what moves the Komodo     dragons will make two seconds ahead. [17:42] Iyami     That's why I can hit them in time. [17:44] Kid 2     Y-You can see their moves two seconds ahead? [17:46] Kid 1     Oh, crap! I can't tell if     he's amazing or just insane! [17:51] Kid     Hey, Master! [17:52] Kid 3     Do this one! SIGN    Loser SIGN    Tie [17:54] Kid 2     What? A rock-paper-scissors game? [17:56] Kid 1     Come on. It's impossible for even the     master to continue winning on this game. [17:58] Game     Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! [18:00] Game     You win! [18:01] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:02] Kid 1     There's no way to strategize     at rock-paper-scissors... [18:03] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:05] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:07] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:08] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:08] Kid     How? [18:09] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:09] Kid     How?! [18:10] Game     Rock, paper, you win! [18:12] Kid 1     That's awesome! [18:13] Kid 1     He won all the tokens!     Is this even possible? [18:16] Kid 3     But there's no strategy for this! [18:18] Kid 3     He didn't even use a secret     technique or special move! [18:20] Iyami     Sheeeh. Using secret techniques     or special moves is second rate. [18:24] Iyami     What's important is exact preparation. [18:26] Kid 3     Preparation? [18:28] Iyami     All the top athletes say this... [18:30] Iyami     How much preparation they're     able to do before their match [18:33] Iyami     will determine if they win or lose. [18:35] Iyami     Which means... [18:35] Iyami     I played rock-paper-scissors and kept losing     as much as possible before coming here, [18:39] Iyami     and raised the probability     of me winning over and over! [18:42] Kid 1     What? Seriously?! [18:44] Kid 2     So the master was already playing games     before coming to the arcade! [18:49] Kid 1     Please adopt me, Master! [18:50] Kid 2     Please adopt me, too! [18:53] Iyami     Sheeeh. Me will be taking my leave now. [18:57] Chibi     Hold it. [18:59] Chibi     The hell? If we let you go now,     our reputation will be ruined, you idjit. [19:04] Chibi     You got enough guts to play     this impregnable game? [19:09] Kid 2     A claw machine? [19:11] Kid 1     You idiot. That game ain't nothing     if you let our dad play it. [19:15] Kid 3     No, wait. SIGN    Ultra C Rating [19:16] Kid 3     Th-This claw machine...     is no ordinary claw machine. [19:19] Kid 3     Look! [19:21] Kid 1     The plushies are all completely     out of reach of the crane! [19:25] Kid 1     This isn't good, Dad! [19:28] Hata     Jo. [19:29] Kid 2     And the crane doesn't even have a claw! [19:31] Kid 1     What?! [19:32] Hata     Jo. [19:33] Kid 2     Plus, the button to operate     the machine's been taken off! SIGN    1 Play 6 Plays [19:36] Kid 3     There isn't even a place to put money in!     You can't even start the game! [19:41] Hata     Jo! [19:42] Kid     I-It's no use. Even our dad     can't beat a game like this... [19:47] Iyami     Final Secret Technique... [19:50] Iyami     Iyami's Pose of Darkness... SIGN    Iyami's Pose of Darkness [19:52] Iyami     You are not playing the game. [19:55] Iyami     The fact you are playing a game is proof     you're being played by the game. [20:01] Iyami     Meaning the game is me. [20:03] Iyami     Me is the game. Nay! [20:05] Iyami     Me is the arcade itself! [20:14] Plushies     I want out. [20:15] Plushies     Please catch me. [20:16] Plushies     Catch me. [20:18] Plushies     Let us out. [20:19] Kid 1     H-Hey, look. The plushies! [20:28] Plushies     Thank you. [20:29] Plushies     Thank you. [20:29] Plushies     Thank you. [20:30] Plushies     Thank you. [20:32] Kid 1     They're all coming out on their own!     We won without any bloodshed! [20:36] Plushies     Thank you! [20:52] Iyami     Me got another one! [20:56] Iyami     Sheeeh! Me got another one! [21:00] Chibi     G-Go home... [21:02] Iyami     Thank you! Thank you! Sheeeh! [21:06] Chibi     Just go home! Jeez! SIGN    End SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa 2" [22:46] Chibi     Here you go. [22:49] Nya     Thanks, meow! [22:56] Nya     I'm having drinks today     with some oden, meow! [22:58] Nya     Hashtag late night snack terrorism.     Hashtag drinking by myself. [22:58] Sign     Likes: 57     nyanyanya_28 I'm having drinks today with some oden, meow~     #LateNightSnackTerrorism #DrinkingByMyself #Suffering     #OldMan #AlwaysDrunk     #I'mReallyLonely #HowManyTimesIsThis [23:00] Nya     Hashtag suffering. Hashtag old man. [23:02] Nya     Hashtag always drunk.     Hashtag I'm really lonely. [23:05] Nya     Hashtag how many times is this? [23:21] Totoko     Take that! [23:22] Nya     Hot! [23:28] Sigh     Yowai Totoko     Found a funny cat!!     #PleaseRetweet #PleaseRetweetLots     #PleaseRetweetSuperLots #LookAtThisWhenYou'reDepressed [23:28] Toto     Found a funny cat! [23:29] Toto     Hashtag please retweet.     Hashtag please retweet lots. [23:32] Toto     Hashtag please retweet super lots.     Hashtag look at this when you're depressed. [23:35] Nyaa     What the hell are you doing, you bitch?! [23:37] Toto     You wanna fight?! [23:38] Chibi     Hey, hey, hey... SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Karamatsu and Brother" etc. [23:49] Kara     Too bad. Apparently there isn't much time     for the next episode preview this week. E10 - Karamatsu and Brother Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Karamatsu and Brothers" [01:34] Todo     Come on, Choromatsu-niisan. [01:38] Choro     Huh? [01:38] Todo     Buy me a fizzy drink.     I want something fizzy. [01:42] Choro     Why should I care? [01:43] Choro     If we don't have any,     just drink some tea and shut up. [01:46] Choro     Besides, why should I have to go buy     something you want to drink, huh? Tell me. [01:50] Todo     O-Okay, jeez... [01:53] Choro     That's messed up, damn it! [01:55] Todo     Did you have to add that last part? Scary... [01:57] Todo     You seem like such an honor student,     but you're really a delinquent. [02:01] Choro     Give it up. [02:01] Todo     Uh, no. I really want to drink     something fizzy right now. [02:05] Choro     Then go buy it yourself. [02:07] Kara     Want me to go buy it for you? [02:09] Kara     I was heading out anyway. [02:11] Kara     Want me stop by a convenience store? [02:15] Todo     Huh? [02:17] Kara     Here. [02:19] Todo     Thank you, Karamatsu-niisan! [02:21] Todo     You're so reliable! So kind! [02:23] Todo     I'm so glad you're here, Karamatsu-niisan. [02:27] Kara     Is that so, Todomatsu?     Am I reliable? Am I kind? [02:33] Kara     Nothing has ever felt so right to me before! [02:35] Kara     Just keep relying on me.     I'll do anything for my brothers. [02:40] Kara     This love! This kindness! [02:42] Kara     I'm prepared to shower you     guys with either at any time! [02:46] Kara     It appears I shouted too much     and made myself thirsty. [02:50] Kara     Could you share some of     your fizzy drink, brother? [02:54] Kara     Wait, huh? [02:58] Oso     Oh, there you are. Hey, Karamatsu. [03:01] Oso     I wanted to ask you for a favor.     Do you have a sec? [03:04] Oso     Really? Thanks! [03:06] Kara     Uh, I didn't answer yet. [03:08] Oso     Mom asked me to do the laundry,     but could you do it for me instead? [03:12] Kara     Huh?! Er, I... [03:14] Oso     The horse races are starting on TV soon,     and you're the only one I can ask. [03:21] Kara     Wow, wow, wow!     So that's how it is, Osomatsu. [03:24] Kara     I'm the only one you could ask? [03:26] Kara     Nothing has ever felt so right to me before! [03:33] Kara     Leave it to me! [03:34] Oso     Thanks! [03:35] Jyushi     Hey, Karamatsu-niisan. [03:37] Jyushi     I'm about to leave,     so could you do the dishes for me? [03:42] Kara     Yeah, that's fine. [03:47] Ichi     Hey, Karamatsu. Could you get the phone? [03:49] Kara     Very well. [03:50] Todo     Karamatsu-niisan, could you also     pass this community notice along? [03:53] Kara     Okay. SIGN    Adult [03:55] Oso     While you're at it,     could you take care of this, too? [03:57] Kara     Sure. [03:57] Jyushi     This and this, too, please. [03:59] Kara     Very well. I accept. [04:01] Ichi     Sorry. Could you take care of this, too? [04:02] Kara     Oh, I suppose. [04:04] Todo     This, too. [04:05] Kara     Okay. [04:05] Oso     Could you take care of this for me, too? SIGN    Invoice [04:07] Kara     But of course. [04:09] Jyushi     Could you do this, too? [04:09] Kara     Okay. [04:10] Ichi     This, too. [04:11] Kara     Fine. [04:11] Todo     While you're at it, could you go have     Mom and Dad yell at you in my place? [04:15] Kara     Got it. SIGN    Résumé [04:16] Oso     Could you go job hunting in my place, too? [04:18] Kara     Sure. [04:18] Jyushi     Could you bat for me in the next inning? [04:20] Kara     But of course. [04:24] Choro     H-H-Hey. [04:25] Choro     Hold up. Wait! [04:27] Choro     What's wrong here? [04:28] Choro     Don't you guys think you're     asking Karamatsu for too much? [04:31] Choro     Also, "Could you go job hunting in my place?" [04:34] Choro     Isn't that going a bit far? [04:35] Choro     And Karamatsu. Why would you agree to that? [04:38] Choro     You need to just say no.     You don't want to go, do you? [04:42] Todo     Huh? I-Is that true? [04:45] Todo     Sorry, Karamatsu-niisan! [04:46] Kara     Huh?! [04:47] Jyushi     Sorry. [04:48] Kara     No, no, no, no, no... [04:49] Oso     You always agree, so we just... [04:52] Ichi     We went overboard. Sorry. [04:54] Kara     No, no! [04:55] Todo     Yeah, maybe it's not the best idea. [04:57] Todo     I won't ask you to do anything     anymore, Karamatsu-niisan. [05:00] Three     Yeah, let's not. [05:01] Kara     What?! Come on, brother! [05:03] Kara     What are you saying? I'm fine! [05:05] Kara     I'm no stress! [05:07] Todo     But you really don't want to do it, right? [05:08] Kara     That's not true! [05:10] Kara     Jeez, Choromatsu. Why'd you     have to go and say that? [05:12] Kara     As I said, I'll do anything for     you guys. I'll help you out. [05:16] Kara     So ask away! It's worse for me     when you guys hold back! [05:21] Ichi     R-Really? [05:22] Kara     Yes, really! [05:23] Jyushi     You don't get tired of us asking     you to do everything? [05:26] Kara     Not at all! [05:27] Todo     Thank goodness. So, as I was saying,     I also wanted to ask you to do this. [05:32] Kara     Sure! Bring it on! [05:34] Jyushi     Then this, too. [05:34] Oso     And also this. [05:35] Kara     Come on! [05:36] Ichi     And this, too. [05:37] Kara     Come on, brother! [05:41] Choro     Well, if you're okay with it, it's fine, I guess... [05:47] Kara     So, Choromatsu. This is just     between you and me, okay? [05:51] Kara     To tell you the truth,     when they ask me to do whatever... [05:56] Kara     I hate it so much, I could die! [05:57] Choro     What?! [05:58] Kara     They'd really go that far? [06:00] Kara     It's so annoying! Kill me! [06:01] Choro     What? Huh?! [06:02] Choro     Seriously? You're kidding, right? [06:03] Kara     They know I won't refuse, so they... [06:06] Choro     I'm actually shocked here. [06:07] Kara     Why do they keep asking me for so much? [06:10] Choro     Uh, I'm pretty sure you brought     this upon yourself... [06:13] Kara     It's so hard! I'm so done! [06:15] Choro     Uh, wait, wait! [06:18] Choro     I mean, of course this is mostly their fault,     but you're acting weird, too. [06:24] Kara     Weird? [06:25] Choro     Yeah. I mean, you're that sick     of doing all this, right? [06:28] Choro     So much that you want to kill them, right? [06:29] Kara     Yeah, I do. [06:31] Choro     They why don't you just say no?     Why do you keep agreeing? [06:34] Kara     The option of saying no     doesn't exist, brother. [06:38] Choro     Why not? [06:38] Kara     Because I'm the nicest     man in the world! [06:43] Choro     Uh, I'm pretty sure you're just timid? [06:46] Kara     I keep accepting the most difficult tasks... [06:49] Kara     because I'm just so nice! [06:51] Choro     You're just timid. [06:52] Kara     And I let anything go... [06:55] Kara     because I'm so nice! [06:58] Choro     You're too timid to say anything back, right? [07:00] Choro     What the hell? You're such a wimp. [07:03] Kara     What are you saying,     Choromatsu? That's not true. [07:05] Choro     I mean, if we're being     honest, that's it, right? [07:06] Choro     If the one asking gets     even a little aggressive, [07:09] Choro     you get too scared to say anything back. [07:11] Kara     Th-That's not true... [07:12] Choro     Oh, I think it is! [07:15] Kara     Yeah, it is. [07:16] Choro     That's exactly it right there!     You just proved my point! [07:20] Choro     Come on. You need to grow a spine     and tell them no sometimes. [07:24] Kara     T-Tell them no, huh? [07:25] Choro     Yeah. Why don't we practice? [07:28] Choro     Practice saying no for the next time     they ask you to do something. [07:34] Choro     Listen. I'm going to act like I'm one     of them and ask you for something, [07:37] Choro     so you need to decline. [07:38] Kara     O-Okay, got it. [07:40] Choro     Okay, here we go. [07:44] Kara     All right, bring it! [07:48] Choro     Horse racing! [07:48] Choro     Pachinko! Boobs, boobs! [07:52] Kara     Choromatsu... Who is that? [07:57] Kara     Really, who is that? [07:59] Kara     Choromatsu! [08:01] Kara     Who's that supposed to be? [08:03] Choro     Osomatsu-niisan. [08:04] Kara     Just how do you see him, anyway? [08:07] Kara     You're making this hard. Try someone else. [08:09] Choro     Got it! [08:10] Choro     Ugh, everyone die. [08:13] Choro     If you're not a cat, die. [08:15] Kara     Choromatsu? [08:18] Kara     Choromatsu! [08:20] Kara     Seriously, who is that? [08:21] Kara     You're making this hard. Try someone else. [08:24] Choro     Got it. [08:25] Choro     Boeh, boeh, boeh!     Baseball, baseball, baseball! [08:29] Choro     Boeh, boeh, boeh!     Baseball, baseball, baseball! [08:30] Kara     Seriously, you're not helping! [08:32] Choro     Boeh! [08:33] Todo     What the heck are you guys doing? [08:36] Todo     What? Really? [08:38] Oso     So you didn't want to do it?     Then just say so. [08:42] Ichi     Well, we did ask you to do a lot of things     because we knew you wouldn't say no. [08:47] Ichi     Like running errands. [08:48] Jyushi     Or asking you to replace the kerosene. [08:50] Oso     Yeah... We won't do it anymore. [08:53] Oso     Sorry, Karamatsu. [08:54] Kara     Huh? No, uh... [08:56] Kara     Well... [09:01] Todo     But if Karamatsu-niisan doesn't take that     position, who's going to take his place? [09:06] Todo     That's the real issue here. [09:08] Ichi     Yeah. Who's going to take Karamatsu's place? [09:11] Todo     Yeah. [09:11] Jyushi     Shouldn't the oldest do it? [09:13] Oso     No, no. Why would I do that? [09:16] Oso     I mean, I'm the Osomatsu. [09:18] Oso     Osomatsu doesn't do stuff like that. [09:20] Jyushi     True. [09:21] Choro     What kind of reasoning is that? [09:22] Todo     What about Ichimatsu-niisan? [09:24] Oso     Ichimatsu's scary. He'd probably let     his resentment build up and stab us. [09:28] Ichi     True. [09:29] Choro     Why did you agree with that? [09:30] Ichi     What about Jyushimatsu? [09:32] Jyushi     What? But if you ask me to do anything,     it probably won't turn out very good. [09:36] Oso     What about Totty, then? [09:38] Todo     Uh, you know I won't do anything like that. [09:41] Todo     If I had to do that,     I'd just leave this house. [09:43] Oso     Right. So that just leaves... [09:47] Choro     Wait, wait, wait! Why me?! [09:48] Todo     Right. Go buy me some yummy sweets. [09:50] Choro     Go yourself! [09:52] Jyushi     Could you polish my glove for me? [09:53] Choro     Do it yourself! [09:54] Oso     Buy me some horse race tickets, too. [09:55] Ichi     And clean up all the cat hair. [09:57] Choro     Do it yourself! [09:58] Choro     Hey, stop. Stop! [10:00] Choro     Wait. Hey, Karamatsu! [10:02] Choro     This is all your fault! Help me out! [10:06] Kara     Good luck. [10:07] Choro     What do you mean?!     Hey, why are you shutting that? [10:10] Kara     What a great story this was. [10:12] Choro     How so?! [10:14] Kara     Happy end. [10:15] Choro     No, seriously! Help me out,     Karamatsu-niisan! [10:18] Choro     My dear, sweet Karamatsu-niisan! [10:21] Choro     You're actually able to     decline now?! Die already! SIGN    End SIGN    Akatsuka Trading [10:25] Todo     And so... [10:27] Todo     This is the new employee, [10:29] Todo     Yowai Totoko-kun, who will be working     in our section starting today. [10:33] Todo     Everyone, be kind to her. [10:34] Toto     I look forward to working with all of you. [10:36] All     Hello. SIGN    "New Employee Totoko" [10:46] Todo     Huh? These numbers aren't adding up. [10:49] Todo     Yowai-kun. [10:50] Toto     Yes, sir? [10:51] Todo     Do you have a moment? [10:52] Toto     Yes, sir. [10:57] Todo     Yowai-kun. [10:58] Toto     Yes, sir? [10:59] Todo     Sorry, do you have a moment? [11:01] Toto     Yes, sir. [11:05] Todo     Yowai-kun? [11:06] Toto     Yes, sir. [11:07] Todo     Yowai-kun? [11:08] Toto     Yes, sir. [11:10] Todo     Hey, Yowai-kun. [11:11] Toto     Yes? What's the matter, Matsuno-san? [11:13] Todo     Uh, I've been calling you over and over. [11:16] Toto     Yes. And that's why I've been     waiting here this whole time. [11:19] Todo     Could you come by? [11:20] Toto     Pardon? [11:21] Todo     Could you come over when I call you? [11:23] Todo     Your superior is calling you. [11:25] Toto     Oh, I see. But no one told me that. [11:29] Todo     Huh? [11:30] Toto     No one told me that I had to walk     over if a superior called for me, [11:34] Toto     so I couldn't do it. [11:37] Toto     Huh? Is something wrong? [11:39] Todo     Huh? No, never mind. [11:41] Todo     I just wanted to ask you to do something. [11:44] Toto     Yes, sir. [11:45] Todo     The numbers aren't adding up on this     document, so could you fix it? [11:49] Todo     I don't think it'll take that long,     so have it done by lunch. [11:54] Toto     Understood. [11:55] Todo     Thanks. [12:00] Todo     Man, it's already lunchtime. [12:03] Todo     H-H-Huh? [12:04] Toto     I'm so hungry. I wonder what I should eat. [12:07] Todo     H-H-Hey, wait! Yowai-kun? [12:10] Toto     Yes, sir? [12:11] Todo     What are you doing? [12:12] Toto     I'm going to eat lunch.     Would you like to join me, Matsuno-san? [12:15] Todo     What about the document? [12:16] Toto     Pardon? [12:17] Todo     The document. I asked you to look over     the numbers and fix them, didn't I? [12:21] Toto     Oh, yes. I did my best. [12:24] Todo     You did your best to... what? [12:26] Toto     I did my best! [12:27] Toto     I opened up software I've     never used in my life, [12:30] Toto     used a keyboard I've never used before     in my life, and did the best that I could! [12:35] Toto     Like, really. Yes, I really,     really did my best! [12:40] Todo     I see. And? [12:41] Toto     Pardon? [12:42] Todo     Well, you keep telling me about the process,     but I wanted to know the results. [12:46] Todo     Did you finish? [12:47] Toto     I did not. [12:48] Todo     You didn't finish. [12:49] Toto     I did not. [12:52] Todo     Listen, um... This is your first day. [12:55] Todo     I'm sure there are things     you aren't used to, but... [12:56] Toto     I messed up! [12:58] Todo     Uh, what? [12:58] Toto     I messed up! I mean, you told me     to have it done by lunchtime, [13:03] Toto     so I should have finished it     by then, no matter what. [13:05] Toto     That's what a job is. I'm very sorry. [13:08] Todo     You just made a total 180. [13:10] Todo     That's not what you were     saying at first, was it? [13:12] Todo     You were trying another method, weren't you? [13:13] Todo     Oh, I see. [13:16] Todo     Your answers don't even make any sense. [13:18] Todo     Well, whatever. Could you     give me that document back? [13:21] Todo     I have to send that over by 2:00 PM,     so I'll just do it real quick. [13:25] Toto     Here. Thank you! [13:26] Todo     That was fast. Faster than I've     ever seen you move before. [13:30] Toto     I'm going to lunch now. [13:31] Todo     So fast! [13:36] Todo     All right, sent. So the next project... [13:40] Todo     Oh, right. [13:41] Todo     Yowai-kun. [13:44] Todo     Yowai-kun, do you have a moment? [13:48] Todo     Huh? [13:52] Todo     Uh, Yowai-kun?! [13:57] Todo     Hey! Hey! [13:59] Toto     Oh, Matsuno-san. Is something wrong? [14:02] Todo     I could ask you the same thing!     Why are you sleeping?! [14:05] Toto     I was bored. [14:07] Todo     Huh? [14:07] Toto     Well, you corrected the document for me,     so I didn't have anything to do anymore. SIGN    My Neighbor Totoko SIGN    New Cosmetics Even more beautiful [14:15] Toto     Huh? Um, can I help you? [14:17] Todo     Uh, could you not wait     for me to give you work, [14:20] Todo     but actually find something to do yourself? [14:22] Todo     You're in an office. [14:24] Toto     I see. But no one told me, so I couldn't. [14:28] Todo     What's wrong with you?! [14:30] Toto     Huh? [14:30] Todo     You've been pretty awful.     Your superior called you, but you never came. [14:34] Todo     You didn't finish your work by     the deadline. You fell asleep. [14:36] Todo     That's all bad. [14:38] Toto     I-I'm sorry... [14:40] Todo     I'll do what I can to help you out,     so could you work a little harder? Okay? [14:44] Toto     Yes, sir. [14:46] Toto     I hope I can learn to do this     work as well as you do soon. [14:50] Todo     Do you? Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. [14:54] Toto     I'll do my best, so please bear with me. [14:58] Todo     Yeah. I'm glad we got     to have this real talk. SIGN    Resignation [15:07] Toto     I'm quitting this job. [15:09] Todo     What?! [15:11] Todo     Why?! What happened in this     short period of time? [15:13] Todo     You're kidding, right? [15:14] Toto     I realized I'm not cut out for this job. [15:17] Toto     I only get yelled at, and no     one acknowledges my work. [15:21] Toto     And to be honest, you don't like me,     do you, Matsuno-san? [15:25] Todo     Uh, I've never actually disliked you. [15:28] Toto     I'm quitting. [15:29] Todo     Wait, Yowai-kun! I'll be honest here! [15:32] Todo     We're short on people right now,     so we'll be in a bind if you quit. [15:36] Todo     Could you reconsider?     Will you consider staying with us? [15:39] Toto     All right. I'll keep trying for a little longer. [15:42] Todo     Really?! [15:43] Toto     Yes. I'll quit trying to run away just     because something didn't go right. [15:48] Toto     I came to work at this office, after all. [15:52] Todo     Yeah. You get 100% for that analysis. [15:54] Toto     I'll show my intent with my actions,     not just my words. [15:56] Todo     100% for that analysis! [15:57] Toto     I won't always go after the biggest goal, [15:59] Toto     but work as hard as I can, step by step! [16:01] Todo     100%! [16:02] Toto     And so, I look forward     to working with you more. [16:05] Todo     I can believe all that, right? [16:08] Toto     Yes, sir! SIGN    Akatsuka Trading SIGN    Yowai Totoko SIGN    Unable to Connect [16:16] Voice     The number you have dialed     cannot be reached. [16:24] Voice     The number you have dialed cannot be... [16:26] Ichiko     Matsuno-san, she totally bailed.     She didn't care about this job at all. [16:31] Jushi     By the way, we did all this work by     ourselves without you having to ask! [16:37] Both     Here you go. [16:40] Todo     Shut up, uggos! [16:42] Ichi     What? I'm shocked! [16:44] Jyushi     That's power harassment     and sexual harassment! SIGN    End [16:45] Jyushi     Power harassment! Sexual harassment! SIGN    "Dubbingmatsu-san" [16:49] Kohai     Wow, this is the first time I've come here. SIGN    Matsuno Sextuplets     16:00~Mr. Osomatsu Dubbing     B1F Recording stage SIGN    "Person A, whom we've seen     around the recording studio,     but we don't know what he does" [16:52] Kohai     So this is where they do the recording     for the anime, Mr. Osomatsu. [16:55] Senpai     Oh, so this is your first time. SIGN    "Person B, whom we've seen     around the recording studio,     but we don't know what he does" [16:59] Senpai     Listen up. [17:00] Senpai     This is where they do the most empyreal     and creative work in the anime business... [17:04] Senpai     no, in the world... no, in the universe. [17:06] Senpai     As a newbie, I'm sure you'll     learn a thing or two here. [17:09] Senpai     Pay close attention. [17:09] Kohai     Yes, sir. [17:17] Oso     Good morning. Pleasure working with you. [17:20] Kara     Yo. Heya. [17:24] Choro     Good morning. Pleasure working with you. [17:27] Ichi     Hello and good morning!     Pleasure working with you again! [17:32] Jyushi     Mornin'... [17:34] Todo     Pleasure. [17:36] Kohai     Huh? Wh-Who are those people? [17:39] Senpai     Those are the sextuplets. [17:41] Kohai     That's them? [17:47] Kohai     Wow, it's really them. [17:49] Senpai     That's so they won't get recognized. [17:50] Senpai     They're the absolute best,     with 50 million fans each. [17:54] Senpai     If they were to be seen around town,     they'd cause a huge panic. [17:59] Kohai     Wow, that's amazing. [18:01] Senpai     It is. [18:03] Kohai     By the way, what are those things they have? [18:05] Senpai     Those are humidifiers. [18:06] Kohai     Humidifiers? [18:07] Senpai     Voice professionals take every     measure to care for their throats. [18:10] Senpai     They live their lives with their     humidifiers in hand at any given moment. [18:15] Senpai     They even have spare     throats prepared for them. [18:17] Kohai     Spare throats? They're so well prepared! [18:19] Senpai     Indeed. [18:20] Kara     Nice summer! [18:22] Kara     800 summer! Great summer! [18:24] Kara     This isn't enough. This isn't enough     summer to rid schools of bullying! [18:28] Kohai     What's he doing? [18:28] Kara     Nice summer! [18:30] Kara     800 summer! Great summer! [18:30] Senpai     Final adjustments. Even if everyone     else is satisfied with their work, [18:33] Senpai     they keep practicing until     they're personally satisfied. [18:36] Senpai     They make 800 million a year,     but they never slack off at work. [18:38] Senpai     They are true professionals. [18:39] Jyushi     Bobobo... boeh! Boeba! [18:43] Jyushi     Something's not right. [18:45] Jyushi     I'm just acting out this     simple boeba right now... [18:48] Jyushi     But I have to create a boeba     that will move the masses. [18:52] Jyushi     Boeba! [18:52] Kohai     Amazing... [18:56] Todo     Scrubbing my ass with scallops.     Scrubbing my ass with scallops. [19:00] Todo     Scrubbing... ugh! That's not it! [19:02] Todo     It's totally wrong, you idiot! [19:03] Todo     What did I go study abroad for? [19:05] Todo     I can't scrub my ass with scallops properly! [19:07] Todo     I'm pathetic! [19:10] Choro     Huh. That'll set your ass hair on fire. [19:13] Choro     Set your ass hair on... [19:13] Choro     No, no. This doesn't feel like     any ass hair will burn at all. [19:18] Choro     Hey, someone! Set my ass hair on fire for me! [19:21] Oso     Lucky me! I can see your panties! [19:23] Oso     I can see your panties! [19:24] Oso     Ugh, this is no good. Hey, someone! [19:25] Oso     Show me your panties! [19:27] Kohai     W-Wow... They go to such lengths     to get into character. [19:31] Senpai     Since the sextuplets that appear     in the anime are all virgins, [19:34] Senpai     the six that actually voice     them have also been castrated. [19:37] Kohai     Castrated?! [19:38] Kohai     They'd go that far? That's amazing! [19:40] Senpai     It is. [19:41] Direct     Hello, sextuplets. Let's get started. [19:46] Kohai     Huh? Once the director said they're     starting, they all started stripping. [19:51] Senpai     Do you know the most     important rule of dubbing? [19:53] Kohai     Rule? [19:53] Senpai     When you're in the studio, you can't be     in there with anything that'll make noise. [19:58] Senpai     For example, fancy earrings or necklaces. [20:00] Senpai     Any noise, including noise from     turning the pages of the script, [20:03] Senpai     will interrupt the session. [20:04] Kohai     I see. [20:05] Senpai     But if those are the only precautions     they're taking, they still have a lot to learn. [20:08] Senpai     If you want to know what the     true professionals do... [20:12] Senpai     They get completely naked. [20:18] Oso     All right! Dubbing, all right! [20:23] Oso     Haven't fondled any boobies,     come on now, Sunday! [20:44] Direct     All right, let's start recording. [20:47] Kohai     Wait, what was that? [20:49] Senpai     That happens with every project. [20:51] Kohai     I had no idea. [20:53] Direct     Okay, go ahead. [21:03] Kohai     Huh? Hey, wait a sec! [21:04] Kohai     Those lines aren't in the script! [21:06] Senpai     Only newbies would read the lines     that are actually in the script. SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [21:10] Senpai     When you're at their level,     you change all of the lines in the script, [21:14] Senpai     rearrange them, [21:14] Senpai     make them your own, and come up     with a completely different story. [21:17] Kohai     Wow... [21:18] Oso     Okay, we're good. [21:19] Kohai     Wait, did he just call the take himself? [21:22] Choro     This one's good. [21:24] Todo     Thank you. [21:26] Senpai     They've never had to do any retakes. [21:28] Kohai     Amazing. [21:30] Direct     All right. That's it for today. [21:32] Kohai     They seem to be done... [21:40] Kohai     Wow, that's amazing! [21:44] Kohai     Whoa! Amazing! [21:45] Kohai     What?! [21:53] Kohai     Amazing! [21:56] Staff     Great job, everyone. [21:56] Some     Thank you very much. [22:00] Kohai     Man, who would've thought such professionals [22:02] Kohai     were behind those     shitty episodes that air on TV? [22:05] Senpai     Makes you respect them even more. SIGN    End [22:07] Kohai     Yeah. SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:40] Ichi     It's cold. Wish I had some     oden from Chibita's place. [23:43] Ichi     I don't have any money, though. [23:45] Ichi     Food stalls are cold. I wonder     if he'll ever have an actual shop. SIGN    "Chibita's Revenge" [23:49] Ichi     I don't have any money, though. [23:50] Ichi     I do intend to pay you. E11 - Chibita's Revenge Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Chibita's Revenge" [01:35] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [01:37] Chibi     Stop drinking! Stop it! [01:39] Chibi     Stop eating! Stop! [01:42] Chibi     Don't you dare pout like     you're hungry, you idjits! SIGN    5/21 Tab [01:46] Chibi     Look at how huge your tab is! [01:49] Chibi     You jerks keep eating and drinking     for free every single time! [01:51] Chibi     I'm not serving you guys     a single thing today! [01:54] Chibi     If you don't have any money,     then scram! Right now! [01:58] Oso     You've got it all wrong, Chibita.     There's a very deep reason for this. [02:01] Choro     Yeah. There's a reason behind this. [02:04] Todo     It's true that we probably shouldn't     come here without any money, [02:07] Todo     but we just somehow end up here. [02:09] Todo     It's because [02:10] Todo     the oden you make is so good! [02:14] Jyu     Yeah, this oden is so good. [02:16] Ichi     Yup. [02:18] Chib     That good? [02:19] Kara     Why hasn't Micholin found this shop yet? [02:22] Chib     Micholin?! [02:23] Oso     You're a genius, Chibita. [02:25] Choro     Your oden is just too good. [02:26] Jyushi     Chef Chibita! [02:27] Todo     You're God's gift to oden. [02:29] Jyushi     Chef Chibita! [02:30] Kara     You've got nothing but talent! [02:32] Ichi     I'm jealous. [02:34] Chibi     Y-Y-You idjits. Stop flattering me. [02:38] Chibi     You're making me blush. [02:39] Todo     But we shouldn't. [02:41] Todo     I mean, our tab's huge.     It's not fair to Chibita. [02:45] Todo     Let's go home for today. [02:47] Some     Yeah. [02:50] Todo     Come on. Let's just come another time. SIGN    Hybrid Oden [02:52] Chibi     Hold it. [02:55] Chibi     There. Have a bite before you leave. [02:57] All     What?! Really? [02:59] ---     But what about the tab? SIGN    We have WiFi [03:01] Chibi     Stop worrying about some     stupid tab, you idjits. [03:05] Chibi     You can pay me when     you have the money. [03:09] All     Thanks, Chibita! [03:14] Chibi     Don't forget about that tab, though. [03:16] All     Sure! [03:18] Chibi     Man, they're fast! It's all gone already! [03:21] Some     Thanks! [03:23] Some     So full! [03:24] Some     Thanks! [03:27] Chibi     Jeez, they're hopeless. SIGN    Pachinko Ryuu [03:38] Three     We lost again. [03:40] Chibi     Hey. [03:48] Three     Of course we lost. [03:51] Chibi     Hey. [03:58] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [04:00] Chibi     You guys won't pay me for     all that food and drink, [04:02] Chibi     so why are you messing with     pachinko and horse races?! [04:04] Oso     Y-You've got it all wrong, Chibita!     There's a good reason behind this! [04:07] Chibi     I'm not falling for that again! [04:11] Kara     Are you okay, Choromatsu?     I'm coming to save you, Choromatsu! [04:14] Choro     Then stop running, you Shittymatsu! [04:19] Choro     Get him off me! Hurry up     and get Chibita off me! [04:23] All     Let go! [04:25] Chibi     Then pay up! [04:27] Fou     Let go! [04:29] Chibi     Pay up! [04:30] Four     Let go! [04:30] Todo     You can do it! Don't give up! [04:32] Chibi     Pay up! [04:33] Four     Let go! [04:35] Chibi     Pay up! [04:36] Four     Let go! [04:55] Kara     Chibita, are you all right? [04:58] Oso     Sorry. Did we pull out your hair? [05:17] Choro     U-Um, we really will pay     that tab sometime soon. [05:22] Jyu     Yeah, we will. [05:24] Ichi     W-We'll be leaving now. [05:26] Todo     Sorry, Chibita! [06:11] Ichi     What? It's already this late? [06:15] Ichi     What's with the weather? It's insane. [06:24] Oso     Man, that was some good sleep.     We probably shouldn't live like this. [06:28] Oso     It's not like I don't feel guilty at all. [06:33] Todo     It's still not working. [06:35] Oso     What's wrong? [06:36] Todo     Oh, Osomatsu-niisan.     Something weird's going on. [06:39] Oso     Weird? [06:40] Todo     My cell phone hasn't been connecting. [06:42] Todo     For some reason it says no service. SIGN    No Service [06:44] Todo     I wonder if I dropped it somewhere. [06:47] Choro     The TV's being weird, too. [06:53] Jyushi     And the lights. [06:57] Jyu     They keep doing that. [07:01] Oso     Oh, yeah. Where are Mom and Dad? [07:03] Jyushi     They're gone. [07:05] Oso     Gone? [07:06] Kara     Ichimatsu, too. When I woke up,     he was nowhere to be found. [07:09] Oso     Huh? Wh-What's up with that? [07:17] Oso     What the hell? [07:20] Kara     Hey, look! [07:31] Choro     I-Ichimatsu! [07:33] Jyushi     Ichimatsu-niisan! [07:36] Todo     What is this?! What's going on? [07:39] Kara     It must be Chibita. [07:41] Kara     He's finally out for revenge. [07:44] Oso     Chibita? I mean, a lot happened yesterday,     but he doesn't need to go this far... [07:49] Jyushi     Nii-san! [07:55] Choro     W-We need to close all the windows     and doors! He'll come again! [07:58] Choro     We can't let him in the house! Hurry! [08:11] Kara     There. [08:12] Kara     He shouldn't be able to get in now. [08:15] Todo     We should be fine as long     as we don't go outside. [08:17] Kara     Yeah. [08:28] Todo     H-How long do we have to stay like this? [08:36] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan. [08:37] Choro     Huh? [08:38] Todo     Don't you need to go to the bathroom? [08:40] Choro     Huh? Where'd that come from? [08:42] Choro     You're the one who needs to go. [08:44] Oso     What? Totty, you need     to go to the bathroom? [08:46] Oso     Sure. Go right ahead. [08:48] Kara     Since you're telling him to go ahead, [08:51] Kara     I think you just proved you     need to go, too, Osomatsu. [08:55] Jyu     I gotta go pee. [08:58] Four     What?! [08:59] Jyu     What?! [08:59] Todo     You have to pee? Then go right ahead! [09:02] Jyu     I didn't say that. [09:02] Todo     Uh, you totally did. [09:04] Jyu     Did not. [09:05] Kara     It's all right, Jyushimatsu.     Don't worry about us. [09:07] Jyu     I didn't say that! [09:09] Kara     All right, then. Majority rules. [09:11] Kara     Let's point to who we think     should go to the bathroom first. [09:15] Kara     Ready, and... [09:17] Kara     Why?! How did I get picked,     with the way things were going?! [09:21] Choro     Well, being picked at a time like this [09:23] Choro     is basically Karamatsu's reason for living. [09:25] Kara     Brother, where did all your     kindness from last week go? [09:31] Oso     Never mind. I'm not going to the bathroom. [09:33] Oso     I didn't need to go anyway. [09:35] Jyu     I-I don't need to go, either. [09:38] Todo     I don't, either. [09:39] Choro     Same. [09:40] Kara     M-M-M-Me, too. [09:51] Oso     There, there. It's not scary, Osomatsu. [09:55] Oso     See? It's totally fine. [10:06] Oso     Yup, not scary at all.     All the entrances are blocked. [10:14] Oso     I mean, even if I was attacked, I'd win. [10:16] Oso     I'm a really good fighter. [10:20] Oso     Scary! This is so scary! [10:22] Oso     What the hell?! This is pissing me off! [10:56] Oso     Okay, I'm gonna head back for now. [10:59] Choro     What the hell are you doing? [11:03] Choro     You're insanely freaked out. How pathetic. [11:06] Todo     You okay? [11:13] Jyushi     Aw, and I was going to surprise you. [11:18] Jyushi     Boeh! [11:21] Choro     Come on, cut that out. [11:23] Choro     He's going to die. [11:27] Oso     Huh? Where's Karamatsu? SIGN    Just you wait, sextuplets! [11:37] Todo     Wh-What's going on? How? [11:41] Choro     He's here. SIGN    Just you wait, sextuplets! [11:43] Choro     Chibita's already in the house. SIGN    I'm so pissed! You idiots! SIGN    Revenge [11:51] Choro     Todomatsu! [11:53] Choro     Hey! What are you doing?! [11:55] Todo     What do you think?     I'm getting out of the house! [11:57] Jyu     Totty! [11:57] Choro     No! It's safer staying in the     house with everyone else! [12:00] Oso     Totty! [12:01] Todo     Let go! [12:14] Chibi     Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun. [12:20] Chibi     The purple Matsu got it in the mouth. [12:26] Chibi     The blue Matsu got it in the ears. [12:32] Chibi     Which Matsu will it be next? The hell? [13:28] Totty     Wh-What the heck is this?! [13:30] Totty     What the heck is this?! [14:05] Todo     Osomatsu-niisan! [14:21] Choro     W-Wait! [14:23] Choro     Wait! SIGN    Iyami [14:25] Oso     Iyami! [14:26] Choro     Open up, Iyami! [14:28] Jyushi     Iyami! [14:31] Oso     Iyami! [14:31] Iyami     Wh-What is it, Ichimatsu? [14:33] Oso     I'm Osomatsu, but let us in! [14:36] Iyami     Why? [14:36] Choro     Just hurry and let us in! [14:38] Jyushi     Hurry! [14:39] Oso     Come on, please! If we stay     out here, we're going to die! [14:42] Iyami     Oh, I see. Scram. [14:44] Choro     Uh, we're going to die! [14:45] Iyami     Scram. [14:46] Jyushi     We're gonna die! [14:47] Iyami     Scram! [14:48] Iyami     Sheeeh! [14:49] Iyami     No one said you could come in! Scram! [14:54] Iyami     Chibita is out to get you?     That's very unfortunate. [14:57] Choro     This isn't funny! [14:59] Jyushi     Iyami, do you have any weapons?     Like missiles or bombs? [15:02] Iyami     Give it up. The moment Chibita decided     to come after you, you lot were finished. [15:07] Choro     Don't say that! [15:09] Oso     Help us come up with a plan! [15:11] Oso     We're pals, aren't we? Come on! [15:13] Uggo     Who is that, Iyami-chan?     Hurry up and tell them to leave. [15:21] Iyami     You guys are hopeless.     Me will let you stay here, just for tonight. [15:24] Iyami     Once it's morning, you need to scram. [15:26] Three     Iyami! [15:28] Oso     We really are best buds! [15:31] Choro     Seriously, thank you! [15:32] Jyu     Iyami! [15:42] Iyami     Me just did another good deed. [15:45] Iyami     You must be hungry.     Me will order some take-out. [15:49] Oso     Thank goodness. [15:50] Choro     We're saved! [15:52] Jyushi     Iyami's so nice. [15:54] Oso     Yeah. Iyami's actually a kind soul... [15:59] Three     L-Like hell he is! [16:04] Chibi     Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun. [16:09] Chibi     The purple Matsu got it in the mouth. [16:15] Chibi     The blue Matsu got it in the ears. [16:18] Iyami     Go right ahead. [16:21] Chibi     The pink Matsu got it in the nose. [16:26] Chibi     Which Matsu will it be next? The hell? [16:40] Oso     W-Wait, Chibita. Calm down! [16:42] Choro     Let's talk this out! Okay? [16:43] Jyushi     We're childhood friends!     Childhood friends! [16:45] Oso     Why are you so mad, anyway?     Because we didn't pay the tab? [16:49] Oso     Because we plucked your hair out?     It'll just grow back anyw— [16:52] Chibi     You idjit! [16:57] Chibi     This hair... [16:58] Choro     I-It's in a frame! [17:01] Chibi     This one hair... was my final bastion. [17:06] Chibi     Since you pulled it out... [17:09] Chibi     I'm just another completely bald person! [17:16] Choro     Uh, I'm pretty sure you were before— [17:18] Chibi     You thought it yesterday, didn't you?!     That I was completely bald! [17:23] Oso     Actually, not just yesterday... [17:25] Jyushi     Honestly, we thought that     ever since we met you... [17:27] Chibi     You idjits! Damn it! [17:30] Chibi     This might be funny to you, [17:32] Chibi     but this is so shocking to me     that my world has basically ended! [17:36] Chibi     So... [17:38] Chibi     I'm going to kill you idjits! [17:40] Oso     Nothing we say is going to help us now. [17:42] Choro     Yeah. [17:51] Oso     Huh? [17:56] Oso     Save me! [17:58] Choro     Hey! That's messed up! [17:59] Oso     Please! [18:00] Jyushi     Stop it! Let go! [18:02] Both     Here you go! [18:03] Oso     You bastards betrayed me!     You're terrible people! [18:06] Choro     You have the nerve to say that?! [18:19] Chibi     Do you guys remember?     My head's as hard as a rock! [18:23] Chibi     Since we're childhood friends,     I'm sure you know I hold grudges! [18:27] Chibi     You also know how resilient I am... [18:49] Chibi     And you know that I never     forget to repay my debts! [19:02] Chibi     You could never beat me     one-on-one, you idjit. SIGN    Cut [19:08] Chibi     Looks like you're the last one, Jyushimatsu. [19:12] Chibi     You're the one [19:13] Chibi     who pulled out my last hair, aren't you? SIGN    Cut [19:18] Chibi     You didn't say anything because     you thought you'd get in trouble. [19:21] Chibi     But I knew. [19:25] Chibi     You've got some nerve, you idjit.     I'm not holding back! [19:53] Jyushi     Boeba! [19:57] Jyushi     What just happened? SIGN    One more time, in slow motion [20:29] Jyushi     Boeba! [20:32] Jyushi     What just happened? [20:37] Chibi     I won! [20:39] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! SIGN    Mustard [20:50] Chibi     All right, everyone, all together now. [20:52] Chibi     And a... [20:53] Chibi     Matsu hunting, Matsu hunting, so much fun. [20:57] Chibi     The purple Matsu got it in the mouth. [21:01] Chibi     The blue Matsu got it in the ears. [21:05] Chibi     The pink Matsu got it in the nose. [21:09] Chibi     The green Matsu got it in the eyes. [21:13] Chibi     The red Matsu got it in the ass. [21:17] Chibi     The yellow Matsu got it in     his Matsu down below. [21:21] Chibi     And now it's complete, the hell? [21:26] Dad     Oh, dear. I have no idea what's going on, [21:29] Dad     but I'm sure this is some kind     of punishment they deserved. [21:33] Mom     I'm sure it is. [21:35] Dad     Aloha! [21:36] Mom     Hawaii! [21:37] Chibi     That's what you get. [21:39] Toto     Hey, it's baldy! [21:41] Chibi     Who you callin' baldy, you idjit?! Dam— [21:44] Chibi     Oh, Totoko-chan! [21:46] Toto     How cute. You look so much better this way. [21:49] Chibi     What? R-Really? [21:52] Toto     Yeah. It suits you. [21:55] Chibi     Really? Yeah, I was just thinking     I look better this way, too. [22:01] Chibi     It was pretty half-assed,     just having one hair left. [22:05] Chibi     Of course being completely bald is better. [22:07] Toto     Yeah, you've got good taste, Chibita-kun. [22:10] Chibi     Thanks! Man, now I'm all popular. [22:14] Chibi     What am I gonna do? SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "The Eitarou Family" etc. [23:49] Ichi     I want to fart next time. [23:52] Jyu     I also want to let it all hang out. E12 - The Eitarou Family Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa 3" [00:11] Totoko     What should I do? [00:12] Totoko     This isn't good. Not good at all. [00:17] Totoko     What should I do? [00:19] Totoko     This isn't good. I might be in real trouble. [00:25] Totoko     What should I do? [00:27] Totoko     I'm troubled. Will anyone hear me out? [00:32] Totoko     If you don't hear me out,     I might end up in worse trouble. [00:36] Totoko     The absolute worst might happen! [00:39] Totoko     Seriously, what should I do? [00:42] Nyaa     Shut up! [00:43] Nyaa     What's with you? You're ruining my liquor. [00:46] Nyaa     Is something bothering you? [00:48] Totoko     Huh? [00:49] Totoko     No, it's nothing. I'll be fine. [00:53] Nyaa     You're so annoying! [00:55] Nyaa     You're hinting at it so much,     and when I finally ask, [00:57] Nyaa     you act like nothing's wrong! I hate you! [01:02] Totoko     You see, I... [01:03] Nyaa     Now she's telling me anyway! [01:05] Toto     I'm thinking about quitting being an idol. [01:08] Nyaa     Huh? [01:10] Nyaa     Wh-What's wrong? Did something happen? [01:14] Nyaa     Tell me, even though I might     not be able to say much about it. [01:18] Nyaa     I mean, we're always     here drinking together. [01:24] Toto     Sorry. Is it okay to tell you? [01:26] Nyaa     Yeah. [01:27] Toto     You see... [01:29] Toto     I was just thinking that idols... [01:30] Chibi     What?! [01:31] Chibi     They're hearing out each other's problems? [01:33] Chibi     What the heck is this?! SIGN    To Be Continued [03:07] Ei     One, two, three, four, five, SIGN    "The Eitarou Family" [03:13] Ei     six, seven, eight, nine, ten! [03:19] Ei     Are you ready? [03:22] Jyu     I'm ready! [03:32] Ei     Huh? [03:34] Ei     Jyushimatsu, where are you? [03:38] Ei     Okay, I give up. Come out, Jyushimatsu! [03:47] Jyu     Boba! [03:51] Ei     A-Amazing! You're amazing, Jyushimatsu! [03:55] Ei     So cool! [03:58] Ei     What the heck is that?! [04:02] Ei     So cool! [04:05] Ei     What?! [04:08] Jyu     Boeh! [04:09] Ei     Amazing! [04:11] Jyu     Boeba! [04:12] Ei     You're too amazing! [04:17] Ei     So cool! [04:20] Ei     You really are the best, Jyushimatsu. [04:23] Ei     I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu. [04:26] Jyu     Eitarou, you should call me "Master." [04:30] Ei     You're amazing, Jyushimatsu. [04:32] Jyu     You should call me "Master." [04:34] Ei     I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu. SIGN    Muscle Power [04:38] Ei     Thanks, Master! [04:41] Both     Jyushimatsu is super popular. [04:45] Both     The crows gather and the dogs bark. [04:49] Both     Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu. [04:53] Both     I said Jyushimatsu is Jyushimatsu. [04:56] Both     Cheers! [05:03] Ei     Sigh... [05:04] Ei     I wonder if I can ever     be like you, Jyushimatsu. [05:08] Jyu     I dunno. It's not really something     you can become just by wanting to. [05:12] Ei     I see... [05:15] Jyu     But I'm sure you can. [05:18] Ei     I can, huh? [05:19] Ei     All right! I'm gonna do my best! [05:23] Todo     Huh? [05:24] Todo     What are they doing? Who is that kid? [05:27] Ichi     Apparently he's Jyushimatsu follower. [05:29] Todo     Follower?! [05:30] Ichi     Yeah. [05:31] Ichi     An unfortunate grade-schooler     who was bewitched by Jyushimatsu's [05:35] Ichi     excitement and physical form. [05:36] Todo     Say what? [05:37] Ichi     You've never seen him? [05:39] Ichi     He's been waiting outside our house lately. [05:42] Todo     Waiting outside our house?     For Jyushimatsu-niisan? [05:45] Ichi     This isn't good. [05:46] Todo     Of course it's not. He totally looks     up to him for all the wrong reasons. [05:50] Ei     Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle! [05:51] Ichi     Youthful passion, huh... [05:53] Todo     No surprise he'd get into that. [05:53] Both     Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle! [05:55] Ichi     It's like a hard drug... [05:56] Both     Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle! [06:01] Ei     Say, Jyushimatsu. SIGN    Muscle Power [06:03] Ei     Say, Master. [06:04] Jyu     Yeah? [06:05] Ei     This is just something I heard, [06:07] Ei     but are you something     called a "NEET, "Jyushimatsu? [06:09] Jyu     Huh?! A NEET? [06:11] Ei     What's a NEET? [06:13] Jyu     Huh? [06:13] Jyu     Uh... [06:16] Jyu     It's a position in baseball. [06:18] Both     A position in baseball?! [06:19] Ei     A position in baseball? [06:21] Jyu     It's a position between second and     shortstop, called NEET for short. [06:24] Jyu     Bring it! [06:25] Ei     Huh? Then... does that mean you're a     professional baseball player, Jyushimatsu?! [06:30] Jyu     Yeah. I'm in an independent league, though. [06:33] Ei     Wow... You really are amazing! [06:36] Ichi     He is amazing. He's actually lying to a kid. [06:41] Ei     Also, what's a cherry boy? [06:43] Jyu     I love cherries. [06:45] Ei     Really? [06:47] Both     Really? [06:48] Jyu     All right, Eitarou. Today,     I'll teach you a secret technique. [06:52] Ei     A secret technique? Finally? [06:54] Ei     I've been waiting my whole life for this! [06:56] Jyu     And it's called... [06:58] Jyu     Final... [07:00] Jyu     Fart Rush. [07:01] Ei     Final Fart Rush! [07:03] Ei     What's that? Hurry up and     show me, Jyushimatsu! [07:07] Ei     Hurry, hurry! [07:08] Ichi     Final Fart Rush?! [07:10] Todo     Don't sound so interested. [07:12] Jyu     Okay, here we go. [07:18] Jyu     Final... Fart Rush! [07:24] Ei     That's an amazing rush! [07:26] Ei     How do you do that?     How does your body even work?! [07:35] Ei     You really are the best, Jyushimatsu. [07:38] Ei     I wanna be just like you, Jyushimatsu. [07:43] Ichi     To be frank, at the time, [07:46] Ichi     I thought he was going to get     punished in some way for this. [07:49] Todo     Yeah. [07:51] Ichi     But it was interesting,     so I decided not to say anything. [07:54] Todo     Yeah. We totally let it go. SIGN    One Week Later [07:58] Ichi     And then, one day... [08:00] Ei     Hup! Take that! [08:04] Ei     Yay! [08:05] Ei     Reversing two-seam fast pitch! [08:06] Ei     Thanks for the steal! [08:08] Ei     Sorry for the trouble machines! [08:10] Ei     Boeh! Boeba! [08:13] Ei     Boeh! Boeba! [08:16] Mom     Matsuno-san, what's going on here? [08:20] Jyu     Well, uh... [08:23] Mom     He's clearly imitating you, isn't he? [08:26] Jyu     Uh, is he? [08:29] Jyu     I don't know if we can say that for sure. [08:31] Ei     Look, look, Master! [08:32] Mom     "Master"? [08:34] Mom     Did you teach my son something? [08:36] Jyu     No, no... [08:37] Mom     Did you brainwash him? [08:38] Jyu     No, no, no! [08:39] Ei     It's no use! [08:41] Ei     I just can't do it the way     you taught me, Master. [08:45] Mom     How often are you seeing my son? [08:49] Jyu     Huh? Uh... Maybe once a month? [08:53] Ei     We see each other every day! [08:54] Jyu     Eitarou-kun?! [08:56] Mom     Every day... [08:57] Mom     Pardon me for asking,     but what is your occupation? [09:00] Ei     He's a NEET! [09:01] Jyu     Eitarou-kun! [09:02] Ei     He's a professional baseball player     in an independent league, [09:04] Ei     who plays the position     between second and short! [09:07] Jyu     Eitarou-kun! [09:08] Ei     He's also a cherry boy! [09:10] Jyu     Eitarou-kun! [09:26] Mom     What is he... [09:27] Jyu     Oh, that's uh, um... [09:29] Mom     Eitarou. [09:30] Jyu     Ma'am. [09:31] Mom     Eitarou. [09:32] Jyushi     Ma'am! Let's not ask! [09:34] Mom     Eitarou, what are you doing? [09:36] Ei     It's the Final Fart Rush! [09:38] Mom     Huh? [09:38] Jyushi     Eitarou-kun! [09:40] Mom     Final Fart Rush? [09:42] Ei     Yup! Master taught it to me! [09:44] Jyu     Eitarou-kun! [09:46] Mom     What might that be? [09:48] Jyu     Pardon? [09:49] Mom     What exactly is Final Fart Rush? [09:55] Ei     It's a joke. [09:57] Mom     A joke? [09:57] Ei     Yeah! And it's super funny! [10:01] Mom     Matsuno-san, pardon me for asking, [10:04] Mom     but would you mind doing it right now? [10:06] Jyu     Right now? Right here?! [10:08] Mom     I would love to see it. [10:10] Jyu     W-Well, I'm not sure... [10:12] Ei     Come on, do it! [10:14] Ei     But I'm warning you, Mom...     You'll definitely laugh! [10:17] Ei     You'll be in stitches!     You're lucky to be able to see it. [10:20] Jyu     Eitarou! [10:23] Mom     If you would. [10:26] Jyu     U-Um... Do you promise not to get mad? [10:31] Mom     Of course. [10:33] Mom     I'm the one asking you to do it. [10:37] Jyu     Okay... [10:38] Ei     Yes! The Final Fart! [10:40] Ei     We get to see the Final Fart! [10:41] Ei     Huh? [10:51] Jyu     Final... [10:54] Jyu     Fart Ru— [10:58] Mom     I-I'm so sorry. I couldn't hold back. [11:03] Jyu     No, no... [11:04] Jyu     Please don't worry about it. [11:06] Mom     What should I do? [11:08] Jyu     I'm the one at fault here. [11:09] Mom     I'm so sorry. [11:12] Ei     You look funny! [11:16] Mom     Matsuno-san... No, Master... [11:19] Jyu     Huh? [11:20] Mom     I'm sorry for being critical. [11:23] Jyu     Huh? [11:24] Mom     I asked you over to the house     because I had a favor to ask you. [11:31] Todo     They move around a lot? [11:32] Jyu     Yeah. [11:34] Jyu     Apparently Eitarou is constantly     moving because of his dad's job. [11:40] Jyu     Because of that, he hasn't really     been able to make any friends. [11:43] Jyu     His mom said he's always been     a really lonely and sad little kid. [11:47] Todo     Huh... But since he met you... [11:51] Ichi     ...he became a happy, energetic kid. [11:55] Jyu     His mom ended up asking me     to keep hanging out with him. [12:03] Ichi     That's a bit iffy, isn't it? [12:05] Todo     Yeah. It'd be better for him if he could     be friends with the kids at school. [12:10] Jyu     Yeah... [12:12] Todo     What are you going to do? [12:13] Jyu     Hmm... [12:16] Jyu     I have no choice. [12:18] Jyu     I'll have to make up more jokes. [12:21] Both     Huh? [12:23] Both     Hop, step, and then... [12:25] Ichi     Uh, Jyushimatsu? [12:25] Both     Crash with all your might! [12:27] Todo     Eitarou-kun? Why would you need     those jokes to make friends? [12:33] Todo     Wait, what's wrong with his family?     There's something wrong here! [12:38] Eitarou     Sheeeh! [12:40] Ichi     Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's not even his! [12:42] Todo     Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,     that's someone else's! SIGN    Comedy SIGN    Heart Technique Physique SIGN    Get the laughs SIGN    Jyushimatsu Style License Eitarou-dono [12:54] Both     What? [13:01] Mom     I wonder if Eitarou will be okay... [13:04] Mom     Is that joke really funny? [13:06] Jyu     Don't worry. He'll be able to... [13:09] Jyu     Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle! [13:12] Jyu     Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle! [13:12] Mom     Such confidence! [13:15] Jyu     Muscle, muscle! [13:15] Ei     Here I go! [13:29] Ei     I did it! [13:30] Ei     Jyushimatsu, look! When I did that joke,     I made a ton of friends! [13:36] Ei     It's all thanks to you, Jyushimatsu! [13:37] Jyu     Yes. Well done, my apprentice. [13:41] Jyu     You did it, Eitarou! [13:44] Ei     Yeah! [13:46] Ei     Yay! I did it! [13:47] Jyu     You did it! You did it! [13:48] Ei     Thanks, Jyushimatsu! [13:49] Mom     Thank goodness I took a chance on him.     Good for you, Eitarou. [13:50] Jyu     No problem! [13:55] Ei     Oh, and also, Jyushimatsu... [13:57] Ei     I even got a girlfriend. [14:01] Jyu     Eitarou... [14:03] Jyu     You're expelled! [14:05] Jyu     You're expelled! [14:06] Jyu     You're expelled! [14:14] Jyu     How dare you surpass your Master?! [14:16] Mom     Amazing! [14:17] Mom     M-Master! [14:19] Mom     Master! Make me your apprentice! [14:21] Jyu     No more apprentices! [14:22] Mom     Master! [14:24] Jyu     I'm telling you, no more apprentices! [14:26] Mom     Please! [14:27] Jyu     Nope! SIGN    End [14:40] Deka     How boring. SIGN    "Give Them Back" [14:42] Deka     Nothing's happening. I feel so down. [14:51] Deka     Wh-What are you doing? [14:53] Deka     Don't! Hey! [14:58] Deka     Now you've done it. Give them back. [15:04] Deka     Give them back. [15:09] Deka     Hey! [15:13] Deka     Give them back! [15:20] Deka     Give them back! [15:34] Deka     Now I'm feeling much better. Thank you. [15:38] Deka     It's hard to figure out what     you're really thinking, [15:41] Deka     but you're actually a kind soul. [16:21] Deka     Give them back! [16:36] Deka     Give them back! Hey! [16:41] Deka     Give them back! [16:42] Toto     Eek! A pervert! [16:44] Toto     Mommy! [16:45] Deka     Y-You've got it all wrong!     This is his fault! [16:49] Aida     That hat looks really good on you. [16:51] Todo     Really? [16:52] Deka     Give them back! [16:54] Todo     Hey, you bastard! [16:57] Oso     I lost... [16:58] Ichi     This sucks. [17:00] Deka     Give them back! [17:02] Ichi     What? [17:04] ---     Whoa, hey! [17:07] Ei     Make me your apprentice again! [17:11] Deka     Hold it! [17:14] Ei     Jyushimatsu! [17:16] Jyu     Boeh! [17:17] Ei     Boeh! SIGN    Don't run! It's dangerous! [17:21] Deka     Give them back! [17:27] Deka     Give them back! [17:31] Choro     What are you doing? [17:33] Choro     What, what, what? [17:34] Kara     Wh-Wh-Wh-What is this?! [17:36] Kara     What? What? What?! [17:41] Choro     Isn't this a bit long? [17:43] Kara     What the hell?! [17:45] Deka     Give them back! [17:47] Deka     That's enough! I'm being serious here! [17:51] Deka     Seriously, give them back! [17:52] Deka     Hey! [18:01] Deka     What are you trying to do? [18:02] Deka     What are you thinking? [18:05] Deka     Hey! [18:06] Deka     Hold it! [18:09] Deka     Give them back! [19:39] Deka     Hot, hot, hot! [20:42] Deka     Give them back! [20:47] Deka     I'll never forgive you! [20:48] Deka     Did you hear me?!     I'll never forgive you for this! [20:54] Deka     Give them back! [20:57] Deka     Give them back! [21:00] Deka     Hey! SIGN    End SIGN    "Totoko and Nyaa 4" [22:39] Toto     That's what's been on my mind lately. [22:42] Toto     So I was thinking it might     be time to call it quits. [22:46] Toto     I seriously don't know what to do. [22:48] Nya     I see... That sucks... [22:51] Nya     Doesn't it? [22:51] Toto     Ow! Hot, hot, hot! Hot, hot, hot! [22:54] Toto     Hot! [22:56] Nyaa     My eyes! My eyes! [22:58] Nyaa     Take that! [23:04] Toto     The hell are you doing?! [23:36] Nya     Bitch! [23:37] Toto     The hell?! [23:39] ---     Damn it! [23:42] Toto     Disappear! [23:44] Toto     You stupid Hashimoto! SIGN    End [23:46] Toto     Die! [23:47] Toto     Uggo! [23:48] Nyaa     You're the uggo! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "End of the Year" etc. [23:49] Todo     The end of the year comes for us NEETs, too. [23:51] Todo     That's both good and bad. E13 - End of the Year Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Have a Wonderful New Year" [00:13] Choro     It's the end of the year. [00:15] Oso     Sure is. [00:17] Choro     It went by fast. [00:19] Oso     Sure did. [00:21] Choro     It was a great year. [00:23] Oso     Sure was. [00:26] Choro     We slept, woke up, ate, played pachinko,     went to horse races, played mahjong, [00:30] Choro     went to a bathhouse, drank booze,     got drunk, fapped, and went to bed. [00:34] Choro     What a fulfilling year. [00:36] Choro     Is it really okay that we just     keep living such blissful lives? [00:39] Oso     I'm sure it is. [00:45] Choro     Of course it's not! Are you stupid?! [00:47] Choro     You stupid moron! [00:48] Oso     What? What the heck's going on?     Talk about scary. [00:51] Choro     We didn't do a damn thing again this year! [00:53] Choro     We haven't progressed at all! No changes! [00:56] Choro     When I was a kid, I thought people     our age were more mature. [01:02] Choro     I guess we're still children,     no matter how old we get. [01:05] Choro     And failures will always be failures. [01:09] Oso     Don't worry. There's still time. [01:12] Choro     Huh? [01:13] Oso     I mean, there's still a little bit of time     before the year's over, right? [01:17] Oso     If we hurry up and do something good, [01:19] Oso     we can say this was a good year. [01:23] Choro     I get it. [01:24] Choro     All's well that ends well. [01:26] Oso     Exactly. [01:27] Choro     But what's something good that we can do? [01:33] Oso     If we can rid the world of     one more shitty person... [01:35] Iyami     Sheeeh! [01:39] Choro     If that's the least we can do... [01:42] Both     This is our good deed! [01:44] Iyami     Sheeeh! [01:52] Both     And now for us! SIGN    End SIGN    Lottery [03:28] Oso     What? [03:29] Oso     Come on, let's buy one, Ichimatsu-chan. SIGN    "Year-End Jumbo Lottery" [03:31] Ichi     Nope. [03:32] Oso     We'll definitely win. [03:33] Ichi     We won't. [03:34] Oso     We will! [03:35] Ichi     We won't. [03:36] Oso     We will! [03:37] Ichi     We won't. [03:38] Oso     We will! [03:39] Oso     Look at that stand over there! SIGN    Big Winner! 600 million yen End of the Century Jumbo SIGN    Ultra Winner! 1st prize: 100 million yen Cream Jumbo SIGN    Big Winner! 1st prize: 300 million yen Year 200X Autumn Jumbo [03:41] Oso     Look at all those first prizes! [03:43] Oso     We'll definitely win! [03:45] Ichi     Everyone else might win, but I won't. [03:48] Oso     But you will! [03:49] Ichi     I won't. I know this. [03:53] Oso     Ichimatsu-chan! [04:06] Kara     Ichimatsu. [04:09] Kara     Ichimatsu, this way. [04:13] Kara     This way. [04:15] Ichi     Huh? [04:23] Kara     This way. [04:28] Kara     This way, this way. [04:33] Kara     This way. [04:47] Kara     There. Take a look at that. SIGN    Lottery SIGN    Lottery SIGN    Big Winner SIGN    Achieve your dreams! SIGN    You'll win if you buy!! [04:53] Kara     What do you think of that stand? [04:55] Ichi     What's with that stand? It reeks of danger. [04:58] Kara     But that's why it's so interesting. [05:00] Kara     We might actually win if we buy from there. [05:02] Ichi     But it's dangerous. [05:04] Kara     We've got to take some risks     if we want to strike it rich. [05:09] Ichi     We going? [05:10] Ichi     Let's go. [05:13] Kara     Excuse us! [05:14] Ichi     A lottery ticket, please! [05:18] Both     I knew it! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "New Year's Fest" [05:30] Toto     What the hell, Japan?     What's wrong with you, Japan? [05:33] Toto     I managed to get through Christmas     alone again this year! [05:36] Toto     I got through with my steel heart! [05:38] Toto     So why the hell are you     guys living it up with this [05:40] Toto     New Year's Fest at the end of the year? [05:43] Toto     What the hell is a New Year's Fest?! [05:44] Toto     This is Japan! Have a quiet New Year's! [05:47] Toto     Just stay at home! SIGN    New Year's Festival     Party People     Kaboom! [05:49] Toto     If I'm asked if I want to go to a     New Year's Fest, this is what I'll say... [05:53] Toto     I do! [05:54] Toto     I'm super interested! [05:56] Toto     A New Year's Fest seems like so much fun! [05:58] Toto     Like hell, Japan! You dumbasses! [06:01] Toto     This isn't a sideshow! [06:02] Toto     I'm telling you to stay home     at the end of the year! Got it?! [06:05] Toto     Have a wonderful New Year! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Pounding Mochi" [07:11] Dayon     Huh? [07:13] Dayon     Huh? Dekapan... [07:16] Dayon     Dekapan's gone... SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Playing in the Snow" [07:30] Chibita     What the heck? [07:32] Chibita     Hey, what are you guys making? An igloo? [07:39] Chibi     How stupid. [07:41] Chibi     You're adults now. Quit playing     in the snow, you idjits. [07:54] Jyu     We did it! [07:57] Oso     Yay! [07:58] Jyu     Yay! [08:01] Chibi     The hell?! You idjits! [08:02] Chibi     Damn it! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Playing in the Snow 2" SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Kasa Jizou Statues" [08:41] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:43] Iyami     Me doesn't want to be poor! [08:45] Iyami     Me wants to eat mochi, drink alcohol,     and be extravagant on New Year's Eve! [08:49] Iyami     Me is so sick of being poor! [08:52] Hata     Now, dear, don't worry, jo. [08:55] Hata     I made all of these straw     hats this year, jo. [08:58] Hata     I'll sell them in town and make lots of money     so we can have a fun New Year's, jo. [09:05] Hata     Jo. [09:06] Iyami     Sheeeh! [09:08] Hata     Jo! [09:11] Iyami     Hurry up and go sell them! [09:19] Hata     Jo? [09:22] Hata     Jizou statues, jo! Thank you for all your     hard work, even in this cold weather, jo. [09:26] Hata     Namu. [09:39] Hata     Jo? [09:44] Hata     Jo. [09:47] Choro     Hey, you should leave some     of those straw hats for us. [09:49] Oso     If you leave some for us,     I bet something good will happen. [09:52] ichi     Like we'd repay the debt. [09:53] Jyushi     It'd be a good deed. [09:54] Oso     Okay? [09:54] Kara     Haven't you heard this story before? [09:58] Hata     Jo... [10:04] Hata     Jo. [10:14] Hata     I did it, jo! Now the wife and I     can have a fun New Year's, jo. [10:19] Hata     Jo? [10:21] Kara     That looks good. I'm starving. [10:24] Choro     I want some alcohol, too. [10:26] Oso     If you leave some for us,     I bet something good will happen. [10:28] Ichi     Like we'd repay the debt. [10:29] Jyushi     It'll be a good deed. [10:30] Choro     Yup. [10:31] Oso     Okay? [10:32] Oso     Jo... [10:32] Kara     You left us those straw hats,     so you can do this too, right? [10:36] Hata     Jo. [10:44] Hata     Jo! [10:45] Hata     Jo! [10:48] Hata     Jo? Jo, jo, jo... [10:50] Hata     Jo! [10:57] Ichi     How naïve. You know Jizou statues     can read your thoughts, right? [11:02] Oso     Why don't you leave all that behind? [11:03] Jyu     While we're still asking nicely. [11:05] Choro     Well? [11:07] Hata     Jo! [11:14] Kara     It's no use running! [11:16] Jyushi     Jizou statues can read your mind! [11:17] Hata     Jo! [11:19] Hata     Jo... [11:24] Hata     Jo?! [11:32] Hata     Dear! [11:33] Hata     Jo! [11:41] Hata     I-I did something I shouldn't have, jo. SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "New Year's Cards" [12:07] Choro     Hey, come on, you guys. [12:10] Choro     Write your New Year's cards. [12:12] Choro     I'm telling you to write     your New Year's cards! Hey! [12:14] Choro     I didn't say draw a penis.     Write your New Year's cards. [12:17] Choro     Don't draw Cerberus just because     it's the Year of the Dog. SIGN    Karamatsu SIGN    To Matsuno Karamatsu-sama [12:19] Choro     Don't send yourself a New Year's card. SIGN    Jyushimatsu Congrats [12:23] Choro     What's the recipient     supposed to do with that? [12:25] Choro     Just write your damn New Year's cards! [12:28] Choro     Honestly, you guys are hopeless. [12:31] Choro     How can you be proper adults if you     can't even write New Year's cards? [12:35] Choro     Hey! [12:37] Oso     What?! What is this?! SIGN    Matsuno SIGN    Have a great year!! SIGN    Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!! [12:40] Oso     "Happy New Year. I was thankfully     able to find a job!" [12:45] Oso     Huh?! [12:46] Jyushi     Hey! You're lying on your New Year's card! [12:49] Ichi     Don't exaggerate on your     New Year's card, Choromatsu. [12:51] Kara     Don't exaggerate, Choromatsu! [12:58] All     Huh? [13:02] All     Wait, wait, wait, wait! SIGN    Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!! [13:04] All     Wait, wait, wait, wait! [13:05] Oso     Choromatsu! [13:06] Kara     Choromatsu! [13:11] Ichi     No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait! [13:15] Jyushi     Wait! [13:16] Oso     Seriously, you shouldn't send those! [13:18] Oso     You'll get called out in no time,     and you'll end up in Hell! [13:21] Kara     It's way too risky! Okay? [13:34] Oso     Choromatsu! [13:35] Kara     Choromatsu! SIGN    End SIGN    A certain day in December [13:44] Choro     A certain day in December... [13:47] Choro     A single man stood on the river bank. [13:47] Sign     Narration:     Matsuno Choromatsu [13:51] Choro     Matsuno Todomatsu. SIGN    Former youngest     Matsuno Family sextuplet     Matsuno Todomatsu SIGN    Yearly salary:     0 yen (estimate) [13:52] Choro     Former youngest Matsuno Family sextuplet. [13:55] Choro     Just a few days ago,     he was told he was fired. [14:00] Choro     His hoodie had no color, and there     was nothing written or drawn on it. [14:06] Choro     What in the world could've happened to him? [14:09] Choro     Why did the Matsuno Family relieve     him of being a sextuplet? [14:12] Choro     And what does the future hold for him? [14:16] Choro     We went to find out the whole story. SIGN    Discharge Notice 2017 -The Youngest Brother Who Got Fired- [14:23] Sign     Why Right Before     The 2nd Cour... [14:24] Choro     Matsuno Todomatsu joined the Matsuno     Family as the youngest sextuplet. [14:29] Choro     He was sixth in the drafts. [14:31] Choro     With his cleverness, calculating ways,     and his dry sense of humor, [14:35] Choro     this trueborn youngest brother's     shittiness far exceeded the others'. [14:38] Choro     People expected great things from him. [14:41] Todo     I'm the youngest brother, Matsuno Todomatsu! [14:43] Todo     I love all of my big brothers! [14:46] Todo     I love all of you guys, too! [14:49] Todo     When he first debuted, he showed a steady     annoyingness and did a great job. [14:54] Choro     His retorts were genius. [14:56] Todo     Why would you wear those here?     It's embarrassing! [14:59] Todo     So embarrassing! [15:00] Todo     Why?! [15:01] Todo     I'm embarrassed by you guys. [15:03] Todo     What is this, a service area?! [15:06] Todo     Not to mention, that was a bit     rude toward the Dayons, too. [15:09] Todo     Don't touch me. I'll do it. [15:10] Todo     Close, close, close, way too close! [15:12] Todo     Get your act together, Osomatsu! [15:14] Todo     Osomatsu! [15:16] Choro     However, lately... [15:18] Choro     Despite the fact that his number one     characteristic as a Matsuno Family [15:22] Choro     sextuplet should be that he's a NEET virgin, [15:23] Choro     his unfavorable actions were     starting to come to light. [15:27] Choro     On a summer beach,     he was casually flirting with girls, [15:31] Choro     and asked them for their contact     info without any hesitation. [15:34] Choro     He also attended mixers     through unknown connections, [15:37] Choro     gained high-level skills for talking to girls [15:39] Choro     normally, even at close distance, [15:41] Choro     and to top it all off, he was     going on dates with girls. [15:45] Choro     Could he possibly be called a virgin? SIGN    Dry monster SIGN    The Todomatsu problem What does he offer as a sextuplet? He's way too out of character He's lying [15:47] Choro     Is he actually a Matsuno sextuplet? [15:48] Choro     No, isn't he just a popular guy? [15:52] Choro     The decision from above came quickly. [15:57] Mom     You're being written out of the show next year. [15:59] Todo     Huh? [16:00] Choro     He received his discharge notice. [16:07] Choro     He became a freelance youngest brother. SIGN    How do you feel about     going freelance? [16:12] Choro     We asked him how he felt at the time. [16:15] Todo     Well, I have no idea what's going on. [16:18] Todo     Is this really happening to me? [16:21] Todo     But looking back, I do feel like I     haven't contributed much this season. [16:28] Todo     All I really did was scrub my ass. [16:31] Todo     I can't let things end like this. [16:33] Todo     I believe I can still be     the youngest sibling. [16:36] Todo     I mean, I'm pretty much the key for all     of us to graduate from being virgins. [16:41] Todo     I'll just have to do this. [16:42] Choro     Matsuno Todomatsu was hoping to be     reinstated as an active brother. [16:46] Choro     However, the Matsuno Family     had already filled his place [16:50] Choro     with the helper foreigner     youngest brother, Michaelmatsu. SIGN    Helper foreigner     youngest brother     Michaelmatsu [16:54] Choro     This foreign helper youngest brother,     Michael, did great work in the major leagues. [16:59] Choro     He had plenty of experience. [17:03] Maiko     Oh, come on, Osomatsu-niisan! What the heck? [17:08] Choro     Your retorts are super strong, Michaelmatsu. [17:10] Jyushi     Your retorts are so natural. [17:12] Kara     You're definitely from the     major leagues, Mighty. [17:20] Oso     It's huge! [17:20] Kara     You're definitely from the     major leagues, Mighty! [17:26] Bros     Mighty! Mighty! SIGN    Michaelmatsu SIGN    The helper youngest brother does great work!! [17:32] Choro     And so, Matsuno Todomatsu had     to wager on his last chance. [17:36] Choro     He started training at the Matsuno Family SIGN    Matsuno Family secondary team training grounds [17:38] Choro     secondary team training grounds. [17:47] Choro     And then... [17:50] Todo     Hey! Guys! [17:53] Todo     What the heck is up with this discharge     notice? I don't get it at all. [17:59] Todo     I mean, we were doing fine     together up until last week. [18:02] Todo     We were all getting along, right?     What the heck happened? [18:06] Todo     Wait, wait, wait! [18:07] Todo     Hey! Hey! [18:08] Todo     Why are you ignoring me? [18:09] Ichi     Sorry. We don't know you anymore. [18:12] Todo     Huh? [18:13] Jyushi     We live in totally different worlds now. [18:16] Choro     I mean, you've already graduated     from being a virgin, right? [18:19] Todo     No, I haven't. [18:21] Oso     You're casually screwing     all the time, aren't you? [18:23] Todo     I'm not. [18:23] Kara     Plus you're one of those party people. [18:24] Todo     Wait, who is? [18:25] Oso     Just be honest. [18:26] Oso     You've kissed someone, haven't you? [18:27] Todo     I haven't. [18:28] Oso     Then what about holding hands? [18:33] Oso     He totally shut up! [18:34] Kara     Jesus! [18:35] Jyushi     Discharge! Discharge! [18:36] Choro     Moron! [18:38] Choro     Thus, as he was told off by his brothers,     Matsuno Todomatsu knew he was [18:43] Choro     in the wrong and completely shut up. [18:45] Choro     Everything his brothers had     said was in the right! [18:48] Choro     Hear that, you dumbass?! SIGN    Day of the Tryouts [18:50] Choro     And then the fateful day arrived... SIGN    2018     Joint Anime     Tryouts [18:53] Choro     Characters who had been     discharged from various anime [18:56] Choro     gathered at the Joint Anime     Tryouts for the chance at [18:58] Choro     being chosen for a regular show next season. [19:01] Choro     They would show off their abilities     in front of industry professionals [19:05] Choro     for this final chance at     getting into an anime. [19:09] Choro     However... [19:14] Ump     Strike! [19:15] Choro     Matsuno Todomatsu wasn't hitting. [19:18] Ump     Strike! [19:19] Choro     He wouldn't hit. [19:20] Ump     Strike three, you're out! [19:22] Choro     He had zero intention of hitting the ball. [19:25] Choro     And then, on his final turn at bat,     an incident occurred... [19:42] Ump     Wh-What are you doing? [19:44] Todo     Shut up, dumbass! [19:46] Todo     What do you mean, discharge notice?! [19:48] Todo     Why am I playing baseball?! [19:50] Todo     What the hell have you guys been     making me do all this time?! [19:53] Choro     Then all hell broke loose at the tryouts,     like no one had ever seen before. [20:02] Oso     C-Calm down! [20:04] ---     Todoma— [20:05] Jyushi     Totty, wai— Boeh! [20:11] Kara     Once he snaps, he's the most dangerous. [20:13] Kara     You know, the type that's usually calm,     but gets stubborn when they get mad. [20:18] Kara     They're so scary. [20:27] Choro     Those who passed the tryouts would     be getting a call within the week. [20:33] Choro     But since he caused a huge fight,     of course he didn't hear from them. [20:37] Choro     Just when he had given up all hope... SIGN    Unknown [20:43] Todo     H-Hello? This is Matsuno Todomatsu... [20:47] Todo     Huh? [20:49] Choro     The one who gave him the     offer was an anime program [20:51] Choro     who belonged to the major     league-affiliated 2A. [20:57] Todo     I'll become the greatest youngest     brother and come back. [21:00] Todo     I'll have all kinds of mixers in America,     immediately graduate from being a virgin, [21:05] Todo     and then kill them. [21:08] Choro     Matsuno Todomatsu... His second life     being the youngest brother... [21:12] Todo     I'll kill them. [21:13] Choro     ...was just beginning. [22:49] Oso     What? Seriously? [22:51] Oso     The foreign helper youngest brother     Michaelmatsu went back to Florida? [22:55] Choro     Why'd he go back? [22:57] Dad     Apparently he just couldn't     stomach Japanese food. [23:00] Mom     Also, it seems he got a message from God. [23:03] Choro     What the hell kind of reason is that? [23:05] Kara     This is the problem with foreign helpers. [23:08] Ichi     Who scouted him, anyway? [23:10] Dad     Which means Todomatsu is coming back. [23:14] Ichi     Well, I guess that's for the best. [23:17] Jyushi     Yeah, that'd be the most peaceful option. [23:24] Totty     Hey! [23:27] All     Totty! [23:28] Totty     I'm killing all of you! [23:31] Totty     You guys are finished this year! [23:34] All     Totty! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:39] Choro     This is Choromatsu. [23:40] Choro     Next year, I'll finally get a job,     get a girlfriend, and even get married! [23:45] Choro     No, really. I'm not lying. [23:48] Choro     I'm telling the truth here. SIGN    "The Choromatsu Incident" etc. [23:49] Choro     I'm not lying! I can do this! [23:51] Choro     I'm going to! I want to! E14 - The Choromatsu Incident Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:09] Girl     No! Let go of me! [00:11] Popo     Come with me. [00:12] Girl     Don't touch me! Let go! [00:14] Popo     You're a minor. [00:16] Popo     Honestly, what are you thinking     on Coming-of-Age Day? [00:18] Popo2     You, there. [00:20] Popo2     I need you to come with us, too. [00:22] Popo2     You knew she was a minor, didn't you? [00:24] Sane     Huh? Uh, well, she said she     didn't have anywhere to go... [00:30] Popo2     Could you tell me your name? [00:32] Sane     Huh? U-Uh... [00:35] Popo2     Tell me your name! [00:38] Sane     I-It's... Sanematsu. SIGN         Weekly Drama Serial     Sanematsu-san SIGN    Episode 9 [01:28] mom     Hello, this is your mother. SIGN    [Playing] SIGN    Mom [01:31] Mom     How are you doing lately? I've been worried. [01:35] Mom     Please give me a call. [01:39] Boss     Sanematsu-kun, listen. SIGN    Dekoboko Commercial Agency [01:42] Boss     As I always tell you, I'm not     asking you to actually be useful. [01:45] Boss     But could you not hold everyone else back? [01:50] Kaoru     Sanematsu-san, why do you put up this wall? SIGN    No smoking in the office [01:55] Kaoru     I just want to talk to you honestly. [01:57] Guy     Don't you know, Kaoruko-chan? [01:59] Guy     Sanematsu-senpai is only interested     in innocent little girls. [02:03] Guy     Right, Senpai? [02:11] Guy 1     All right, lunch time! [02:13] Guy 2     Where should we go today? [02:14] Kaoru     So you do get hungry. [02:39] Oso     Sanematsu. [02:42] Oso     Sanematsu, hey. [02:52] Sane     Huh? [02:54] Oso     What's wrong? Still dreaming? [02:58] Sane     Huh? Um... [03:00] Oso     Come on. Let's eat some watermelon. [03:03] Oso     It's so hot today! [03:04] Ichi     Yeah, just a little more to the left. [03:06] Ichi     Now a little right. [03:08] Jyushi     Right, right! [03:10] Jyu     Oh, right there! [03:11] Kara     All right... This is it! [03:13] All     So close! [03:14] All     You missed! [03:15] Ichi     All right, time to switch, Karamatsu-niisan. [03:18] Kara     No, no! I get one more! [03:19] Choro     I'm up next. [03:21] Jyu     Me, too! [03:21] Todo     It's me! [03:22] Oso     Hey, stop fighting, you guys! [03:25] Oso     Ichimatsu hasn't gotten a chance yet. [03:27] Oso     Let him try. [03:28] Kara     Tch. Fine, Osomatsu-niisan. [03:31] Kara     Sorry, Ichimatsu. [03:33] Ichi     Thanks. [03:37] Six     Yay! [03:39] Todo     You did it, Ichimatsu-niisan! [03:41] Oso     All right, let's eat! [03:42] Jyu     Let's eat! Let's eat! [03:45] Six     So good! [03:46] Six     This is the best! [03:47] Six     It's so good! [03:50] Todo     What's the matter, Sanematsu-niisan?     You're not going to eat? [03:52] Sane     Huh? [03:54] Choro     If you don't want it, I'll eat it. [03:56] Oso     Come on, Choromatsu. [03:58] Choro     Aw, come on. [03:59] Sane     At first, I had no idea what was going on. [03:59] Jyu     I want some, too. [04:01] Oso     Honestly, you guys. [04:08] Oso     Here we go! [04:09] Oso     Ready, and... [04:20] Sane     But as time went on... [04:23] Sane     I stopped doubting it anymore. [04:27] Sane     I was born in this family,     grew up in this family, [04:33] Sane     and always lived together     with these brothers. [04:39] Sane     Yeah... That's right. [04:43] Sane     Why had I forgotten? SIGN    Akatsuka Bathhouse [04:47] Sane     I might've just been having     a nightmare this whole time. [04:56] Sane     But everything's okay now. SIGN    A Few Weeks Later [05:14] Sane     Hey, guys. [05:17] Sane     I came up with a great idea! [05:21] Sane     Wh-What's wrong? [05:22] Todo     Huh? Uh, so what's up, Sanematsu-niisan? [05:26] Sane     Why don't we go on a trip?     All of us, for a week or so? [05:32] Jyu     That'll never work. [05:33] Sane     Huh? But I wanna. [05:35] Jyu     Even if we wanted to,     we don't have the time or money. [05:38] Choro     Jyushimatsu. [05:42] Choro     All right, Sanematsu.     Why don't we go to the beach? [05:45] Sane     Yeah, let's go! [05:47] Sane     What about you, Osomatsu-niisan? [05:49] Oso     Let's go. [05:50] Sane     And you, Karamatsu-niisan? [05:51] Kara     Sure, let's go. [05:52] Sane     And you, Ichimatsu? [05:53] Ichi     Okay. [05:54] Sane     Jyushimatsu? [05:55] Jyu     Well, I guess... [05:57] Sane     Todomatsu? [05:58] Todo     Yeah, sure. [05:59] Sane     All right! We're all going to the beach! [06:02] Sane     I'm gonna go get ready! [06:14] Sane     Wait up! [06:16] Oso     Here we go! [06:18] Sane     Got it! [06:22] Some     What the heck? [06:24] Both     Ready... go! [06:30] Both     Goal! [06:32] Sane     We tied. [06:33] Jyu     Yeah. [06:57] Sane     Osomatsu-niisan. [06:58] Oso     Oh, there you are. [07:00] Sane     What's up? [07:02] Oso     Have a seat. [07:04] Sane     Okay. [07:08] Oso     Hey, Sanematsu. [07:11] Oso     You've been laughing a lot more lately. [07:15] Oso     I'm relieved. [07:17] Oso     You know, you seemed so depressed because     you've been through so much lately. [07:22] Sane     Yeah... [07:26] Sane     But I'm okay now.     I'm having so much fun now. [07:30] Sane     I have all of you guys. No more hardships. [07:34] Sane     I hope this goes on forever. [07:40] Oso     But... it can't. [07:43] Sane     Huh? [07:45] Sane     It can't? What do you mean? [07:48] Oso     Don't make me say it. [07:52] Oso     You should know better than anyone else. [08:01] Sane     Yeah... You're right. [08:08] Sane     This was so much fun! [08:09] Oso     Yeah, it was. [08:24] Sane     It was. [08:28] Oso     Yeah. [08:38] Guy     Hey... [08:43] Kaoru     It can't be... [08:45] Kaoru     Sanematsu-san? [08:49] Kaoru     No! SIGN         End SIGN    General Hospital SIGN    Next Episode Preview [08:59] nar     Next time on "Sanematsu-san"... [09:04] nar     Osomatsu examines, Karamatsu touches,     and Jyushimatsu makes the rounds. [09:11] Nar     Next time: "Sanematsu Dies." Look forward to it. SIGN         Episode 10: Sanematsu Dies [09:18] Nar     Unidentified mysterious animals,     otherwise known as UMA. [09:21] Nar     The mysterious world of the occult     is filled with passion and dreams. [09:26] Nar     This is the passionate tale     of adventure of the men [09:29] Nar     who were enchanted by its mysticism! [09:32] Iyami     Iyami... [09:33] Hata     Hatabou... [09:34] Jyu     And Jyushimatsu's... [09:36] All     ...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah! SIGN    UMA Expedition Team [09:42] Iyami     Sheeeh! [09:44] Iyami     You two! [09:45] Iyami     You cannot underestimate the UMA! [09:48] Iyami     They're dangerous and scary! [09:50] Iyami     Let your guard down at all     and U-MAy lose your lives! [09:56] Hata     For my father... [09:56] Jyu     Yay! [09:58] Iyami     Hey! Listen to me! [10:01] Iyami     Fall in! [10:06] Iyami     Listen up! Our target this time is this UMA! [10:10] Iyami     The Super Mongolian Death Worm! [10:13] Jyu     Ah. [10:14] Hata     Jo. [10:15] Iyami     It's huge! It's strong! [10:17] Iyami     Face it head-on, and no number of     lives will be enough to save you! [10:20] Iyami     It's truly terrifying! [10:22] Iyami     We're going to... [10:23] Hata     Want a wiener? [10:25] Jyu     Heck yeah! [10:27] Iyami     Hey! Fall in! [10:35] Jyu     Director, you got a minute? [10:39] Iyami     Me is not your director. Me is your captain. [10:41] Jyu     How are we going to catch     this dangerous thing? [10:45] Iyami     We're going to use these! [10:47] Jyu     Wow! [10:48] Hata     Jo! [10:51] Iyami     No matter how dangerous UMAs are,     they're no match for humanity. [10:58] Hata     Jo. [11:00] Iyami     Hey! [11:11] Hata     This could kill someone, jo. [11:13] Jyu     Pew. [11:13] Hata     Jo, jo, jo. [11:16] Iyami     What's that? [11:22] Hata     Jo? [11:23] Iyami     Th-That's... [11:31] Iyami     Th-The Super Mongolian Death Worm! [11:35] Jyu     D-Director! [11:37] Jo     Jo! [11:38] Iyami     Have no fear! [11:39] Iyami     We're safe at this distance. [11:42] Iyami     Behold, UMA! This is the power of humanity! [11:51] Iyami     Sh-Sheeeh! [11:52] Jyu     What is this attack? [11:53] Hata     We didn't hear about this! [11:55] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sheeeh... SIGN         To Be Continued SIGN         "The Choromatsu Incident" SIGN    New Year Combo [13:35] Choro     Well, I can imagine what     you guys want to say. [13:39] Choro     I'm the most responsible     and capable of us brothers. [13:42] Choro     I'm supposed to set the example. [13:44] Choro     You're probably wondering what     happened since the new year. [13:48] Choro     You might even worry and think     I've become a delinquent. [13:52] Choro     But no matter how serious     I am, I'm still human. [13:56] Choro     Even I have the desire to     be popular and be cool. [14:01] Choro     So, for once, I followed my desire     and decided to look cool. [14:06] Choro     It's the new year, so I thought it'd     be the perfect time to make my debut. [14:10] Choro     This is your new Choromatsu-niisan in 2018! [14:16] Choro     What's wrong? What's with those faces? [14:19] Choro     Oh, are you guys actually jealous? [14:22] Choro     I see. Sorry about that. [14:24] Choro     I went ahead and became the cool one. [14:26] Choro     Yeah, it's not fair for me to get     ahead of you guys. My bad. [14:32] Choro     Hey, you guys haven't said a word. [14:35] Choro     What's wrong? [14:36] Choro     Well, whatever. As I was saying... [14:38] Choro     I just don't want you guys to worry. [14:40] Choro     I may have brown hair now, but I'm     still the same Choromatsu inside. [14:44] Choro     I'm not a delinquent. [14:45] Choro     I'm going to continue being the responsible,     reliable brother that guides you. [14:49] Choro     Don't worry. [14:50] Choro     That's why I had the three     of you gather here today. [14:54] Choro     Well, let's go. [14:55] Todo     W-W-Wait! Wait! [14:56] Choro     Huh? What? [14:58] Todo     Sit down. [15:01] Choro     What? What's wrong? [15:03] Todo     Well, uh... [15:06] Choro     I told you not to worry. [15:09] Choro     I just have brown hair now.     I'm still the same guy inside. [15:12] Choro     I'm not a delinquent. [15:13] Ichi     Yeah, don't worry. We got that. [15:17] Ichi     That's not it... [15:18] Choro     It's not? [15:20] Todo     It's not that... [15:22] Todo     It's just... [15:23] Ichi     ...simply put... [15:24] Jyushi     ...that hair color... [15:26] Three     ...doesn't look good on you at all! [15:29] Todo     What the hell?! Is he stupid?! [15:31] Todo     Nothing hurts more than seeing     someone so clueless try to be cool! [15:34] Ichi     Well said, Todomatsu. [15:35] Ichi     Now say those exact words     to that idiot over there. [15:37] Todo     How can I? Look at that face! [15:40] Todo     He doesn't think he's made a mistake at all! [15:42] Todo     He still thinks dying your hair     makes you cool in this day and age! [15:45] Todo     What kind of harassment is this?! [15:46] Todo     Lame harassment? Pain harassment?! What?! [15:49] Jyu     Want me to tell him, then? [15:51] Ichi     Stay out of it, Jyushimatsu. [15:52] Ichi     You're just going to complicate things. [15:55] Jyu     True. [15:57] Choro     Hey. [15:59] Choro     If you have something to say to me, say it. [16:00] Choro     That's why I brought you here. [16:05] Todo     Okay, Choromatsu-niisan. [16:08] Todo     I'll go ahead and say it. [16:11] Todo     So... To be honest,     that brown hair of yours... [16:14] Ichi     Hold it, Todomatsu! [16:17] Ichi     Could I... [16:19] Ichi     go get a refill at the drink bar first? [16:21] Jyu     Same. [16:22] Todo     No. [16:24] Jyu     We can't? But it's free refills... [16:27] Todo     No. I'm going to tell him,     so you two stay right there. [16:35] Todo     Okay! [16:36] Todo     I'm going to get a refill first. [16:40] Jyu     What? Are you serious, Totty? [16:43] Todo     Yeah, I'm going to tell him. [16:44] Ichi     Will you be all right? [16:45] Todo     What do you mean? [16:46] Ichi     Well, you saw it. His "I won't     let anyone get me down" aura. [16:51] Ichi     Him telling us we can tell him     anything is a total façade. [16:54] Ichi     If we trigger him,     he might start punching us. [16:57] Todo     Well, I'm going to tell him. [16:59] Todo     I mean, come on. I don't want     Choromatsu-niisan to go down the wrong path. [17:04] Todo     I don't care if he punches me,     if it means he'll change that lame hair of his. [17:08] Jyu     He's so nice. [17:10] Ichi     So kind. [17:13] Todo     Okay, Choromatsu-niisan. I'm going to     get back on the subject, so listen up. [17:17] Todo     Apparently Ichimatsu-niisan has something     to say about you dyeing your hair, [17:21] Todo     so listen close. [17:23] Ichi     You dirty little— [17:26] Ichi     Uh... What's with that face? [17:28] Ichi     What kind of emotion is that? [17:30] Choro     What is it, Ichimatsu? [17:32] Choro     What did you want to say? [17:33] Ichi     Huh? Well, uh... [17:36] Ichi     I-It's not really something I want to say... [17:42] Ichi     U-Um... About your hair... [17:51] Ichi     It looks great on you! Nice! [17:54] Choro     Thanks! [17:57] Todo     The hell?! You're so useless, Darkmatsu! [17:59] Jyu     He's not dark at all! He's just a coward! [18:01] Ichi     Then you guys tell him! [18:03] Choro     Huh? What's wrong? [18:05] Choro     Wh-Why are you hitting each other? [18:07] Todo     Okay, let's hold off on     this problem for now. [18:11] Jyu     Yeah. [18:12] Ichi     Why don't we write a letter?     I don't think we can tell him to his face. [18:15] All     Yeah. [18:17] Oso     Huh? [18:18] Oso     Oh, you guys are here. [18:20] Choro     Oh, hey, guys. What a coincidence. [18:23] Oso     What the?! What the heck     did you do to your hair? [18:25] Choro     Huh? [18:26] Oso     It looks awful on you! Are you stupid? [18:28] Oso     You look like shit! What's wrong with you? [18:31] Jyu     He just said it. [18:32] Ichi     He's completely tactless! [18:34] Todo     He hasn't changed at all in the new year! [18:38] Oso     Seriously, what's with this hair?     It looks so stupid! [18:42] Kara     No, this can't be right, Osomatsu. [18:44] Oso     Huh? [18:45] Kara     There's no way he did that on his own.     He must've lost some bet or something. [18:49] Oso     Lost a bet? [18:51] Kara     I'm right, aren't I? You guys put     Choromatsu up to this, didn't you? [18:54] Three     Huh? [18:55] Kara     Otherwise, why would he willingly     do that to his hair? [18:58] Kara     There's no way someone as responsible as [19:00] Kara     Choromatsu would dye his hair such a lame,     shitty brown color on his own. [19:03] Kara     If he did this of his own free will,     he's clearly lost his mind. [19:07] Kara     He'd barely be a living organism. [19:10] Kara     But Choromatsu's not like that. [19:13] Kara     Hey, you guys! You've gone too far! [19:14] Kara     You need to apologize to Choromatsu for     making him get this crazy hair color! [19:18] Three     You need to apologize! [19:20] Todo**     In the end, you're the     one who hurt him most! [19:22] Ichi     It's even worse because     he's trying to be nice! [19:26] Todo     Hey, what are you guys doing here? [19:28] Oso     Totoko-chan, look at his hair! [19:31] Toto     Huh? What's with your hair? [19:33] Toto     You look so lame, Choromatsu-kun! [19:35] Toto     I can totally tell you tried to look     cool simply by dying your hair brown! [19:39] Toto     How scary! [19:40] Oso     That's not it, Totoko-chan.     Apparently these three put him up to it. [19:45] Oso     Isn't that mean? [19:46] Toto     Huh? Yeah, that's pretty awful. [19:48] Toto     I'd probably die if it were me. [19:51] Toto     Choromatsu-kun, are you okay? [19:55] Todo     Please, just stop! [19:57] Ichi     Fappymatsu's life is already at zero! [19:59] Jyu     Nii-san! [20:02] All     Huh? [20:03] Choro     You're right, Osomatsu-niisan,     Karamatsu-niisan, Totoko-chan! [20:08] Choro     They're so mean! They made     me dye my hair like this! [20:12] All     What?! [20:13] Todo     He shifted the blame! [20:14] Jyu     Seriously?! [20:15] Ichi     Self-Awarenessmatsu's defense     mechanisms are insane! [20:18] Choro     They totally forced me to dye     my hair this lame color! [20:21] Choro     It doesn't look good on me at all... [20:24] Choro     So lame! I look awful! [20:27] Kara     Are you all right, Choromatsu? [20:29] Toto     Choromatsu-kun? [20:30] Oso     Are you in that much shock? [20:32] Choro     Of course I'm shocked, you dumbass! [20:34] Choro     I'm gonna die! This hair color is so weird! [20:36] Choro     I'm gonna die! It's so damn lame! [20:38] Choro     Why is my year starting like this?!     I'm gonna die! [20:40] Kara     Choromatsu! [20:42] Toto     Choromatsu-kun! [20:43] Oso     Hey, Choromatsu! [20:48] Oso     Hey, do you guys actually     realize what you've done? [20:52] Oso     Look at him! Choromatsu's completely broken. [20:55] Choro     It wasn't supposed to be like this. [20:58] Kara     He won't stop mumbling. [20:58] Choro     I might be better off dead... [21:01] Kara     He might die at this rate. [21:03] Oso     Come on, guys, apologize. [21:06] Oso     You guys did this to him, right? Go on. [21:12] Todo     S-Sorry... [21:14] Ichi     Sorry. [21:15] Todo     We went a bit too far. [21:18] Ichi     We'll never force him to dye his hair again. [21:20] Jyu     We're sorry. [21:23] Oso     All right, let's go to the bathhouse. [21:25] Kara     Jeez. We can't take our eyes off them     for even a second, Osomatsu. [21:30] Kara     Let's continue to guide them     as the two top brothers. [21:34] Oso     Yeah. Pleasure working with you, Karamatsu. [21:36] Kara     Back at you. [21:55] Choro     I'm so sorry! SIGN         End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:34] Oso     Hey, it's Osomatsu! [23:35] Oso     Next week, it's going to be     "Jar," "Taxi," and "Quiz." [23:39] Oso     Those three! [23:40] Oso     What do you guys think about that lineup? [23:43] Oso     Yeah, pretty stupid, right? [23:45] Oso     I mean, it usually is. [23:47] Oso     Even though the cast are all adults. SIGN    "Jar" "Karamatsu Taxi" "Totty Quiz" etc. [23:49] Oso     I feel bad, too. E15 - Jar / Karamatsu Taxi / Totty Quiz Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:06] Nar     Unidentified mysterious animals,     otherwise known as UMA. [00:09] Nar     The mysterious world of the occult     is filled with passion and dreams. [00:13] Nar     This is the passionate tale of     adventure of the men who were [00:16] Nar     enchanted by its mysticism! [00:19] Iyami     Iyami... [00:20] Hata     Hatabou... [00:21] Jyu     And Jyushimatsu's... [00:23] All     ...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah! SIGN    UMA Expedition Team [00:29] Iyami     Sheeeh! [00:31] Iyami     You two! [00:32] Iyami     Listen up! Our target this time is this! [00:35] Iyami     Chupacabra Deluxe! [00:37] Hata     Jo... [00:39] Iyami     It's a vampiric monster that sucks     the blood of living creatures. [00:41] Iyami     If you ever encounter one,     consider yourself dead. [00:44] Jyushi     Director! [00:45] Iyami     Me is not your director. Me is your captain. [00:47] Jyu     How are we going to catch     this dangerous thing? [00:51] Iya     Leave it to me. [00:54] Iya     Sheeeh... [00:58] Iya     Me is truly a genius. Now they won't     be suspicious of us or attack us. [01:05] Iya     Hey. [01:11] Iya     Hey. [01:14] Iya     Hey. [01:17] Iya     Hey. [01:26] Iya     Would you two be quiet?! [01:45] Hata     Jo? [01:59] ---     Jo? [02:02] Iya     Everything's fine. [02:06] Iya     Sheeeh! [02:07] Jyushi     Director?! [02:08] Hata     Jo! [02:09] Iyami     C-Calm down! They haven't figured us out! [02:12] Iyami     That's why they haven't attacked! [02:14] Hata     Jo? [02:14] Iyami     Act like a Chupacabra! [02:17] Jyu     Chu... [02:18] Hata     Jo... [02:23] All     Chu... [02:33] Jyu     They were onto us, after all... [02:34] Hata     Chu... [02:35] Iyami     Sheeeh... SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    "Jar" SIGN    Skyfish     Yakisoba SIGN    Chupacabra     Udon SIGN    Death Worm     Ramen     It's Delicious?! SIGN    Gohandesuyon! SIGN    Open [04:46] Ichi     I'm definitely turning it the right way... [04:58] Oso     Can't get it open, Ichimacchan? [05:02] Oso     Want me to help? You know,     your reliable older brother? [05:07] Oso     Oh, no, no. You're never going     to get it open like that. [05:13] Oso     Hey, hey, hey, hey! [05:14] Oso     What the heck are you doing, Ichimacchan? [05:16] Oso     The worst part of you is showing right now. [05:20] Oso     You can't just use brute strength on these. SIGN    Here [05:23] Oso     You have to apply force here at     the right moment, and go, "Hup!" SIGN    Hup [05:27] Oso     Here I go. [05:28] Oso     First, you relax, and... [05:32] Oso     Huh? [05:48] Oso     What the hell is this?! [05:49] Oso     It won't open! [05:53] Oso     It won't open! It just won't open! [06:01] Oso     It won't open. [06:04] Kara     You pathetic string bean boys. Hand it over. [06:08] Kara     Watch and learn. This is how you open jars. [06:25] Kara     What the hell is this?! [06:33] Kara     See? Now you know. [06:37] Kara     This jar was never meant     to open in the first place. [06:41] Jyu     That's not gonna work. [06:44] Jyu     The jar's figured out that     you want to open it. [06:47] Jyu     Of course it won't open. You have     to be more sneaky about it. [06:52] Jyu     First, you have to act like you     have no interest in the jar. [06:55] Jyu     We don't care about that jar at all. [06:58] Jyu     Act like you don't care     if it ever opens at all. [07:05] Jyu     And when its guard is down... [07:10] Kara     Go, Jyushimatsu! [07:11] Oso     Give it your best! [07:12] Ichi     It'll open! [07:13] Oso     You can do it! [07:22] Jyu     Fire! [07:26] Jyu     Yeah, this one's not meant to open. [07:29] Choro     Why are you guys wasting so much time? [07:32] Choro     Honestly. I can't believe you     adults are screaming over a jar. [07:37] Choro     Don't you guys have anything better to do? [07:40] Choro     Aren't you embarrassed? Really, now. [07:49] Oso     What's with the hand? [07:51] Choro     Give it. [07:51] Oso     I'm sorry, what? [07:53] Choro     Hand over the jar. I'll give it a try. [07:57] Oso     No, really, it's okay. [08:00] Oso     No, no, no. [08:02] Oso     It's fine. What's your problem? [08:04] Oso     What the heck? We're just     wasting time, right? [08:06] Oso     Adults shouldn't be crying over this, right? [08:09] Oso     You wanted to try,     didn't you? Then just say so! [08:14] Todo     Just pour hot water over it. SIGN    M! Answers [08:17] Todo     You just have to heat it up a little.     Then it'll open easily. [08:23] Todo     Huh? [08:24] Oso     Todomatsu, did you really     have to say that right now? [08:27] Oso     Everyone knows you just have to warm it up. [08:29] Oso     But we're all trying so hard because     we feel like we lose if we do that. [08:34] Kara     Oh, Todomatsu. [08:36] Ichi     Todomatsu... [08:37] Jyu     Todomatsu. [08:38] Choro     Todomatsu! [08:41] Todo     What? Uh, I guess I'm sorry? [08:45] Oso     All right, let's work together. [08:47] Oso     We forgot the most important thing here. [08:50] Oso     This is when the six of us are supposed     to join forces and do our best! [08:53] Oso     Let's go! [08:54] All     Yeah! SIGN    Gohandesuyon! [09:03] Oso     Sorry! [09:08] Kara     Choromatsu! [09:10] Jyu     Final Fart Rush! [09:13] Todo     There! [09:16] Oso     Totty! [09:18] Choro     How about this?! [09:24] Choro     Guys! [09:25] Jyu     Final Fart Rush! [09:45] Oso     Wh-What the hell's wrong with this jar? [09:48] Choro     It won't open, no matter what we do. [09:50] Ichi     Th-Thanks, guys, but that's enough. [10:00] All     M-Mom... [10:07] Mom     O earth... O water... [10:10] Mom     Give me strength! [10:17] Mom     Jar... open! [10:26] Oso     Wait, that's how you're     supposed to open it?! [10:29] Choro     There's no way we'd know that!     You never taught us that! [10:38] Ichi     Huh? Mom? [10:52] Mom     Yeah, it's not meant to be opened. [10:55] All     What? SIGN    End SIGN    "Karamatsu Taxi" [11:02] Toto     This isn't good. I don't have much time. [11:05] Toto     I'll be late to the appointment. SIGN    Akatsuka [11:11] Toto     Oh, thank goodness. I'm saved! [11:15] Toto     Excuse me, could you go to this place     called Oplex that's located on [11:19] Toto     the other side of a tanning     salon in Roppongi 6-chome? [11:22] Toto     It's a little hard to find, so I'll let     you know when we're nearby. [11:27] Kara     Miss. [11:39] Toto     Uh, I don't have much time,     so could you turn around faster? [11:45] Toto     You turn way too slowly!     You're wasting my time! [11:49] Kara     Oplex? Understood. [11:52] Toto     I don't have time! [11:53] Kara     Ignition. [12:02] Toto     Um, by the way, [12:05] Toto     do you actually know what Oplex is? [12:08] Toto     It's not really well known. [12:10] Kara     But of course. I'm a taxi driver. [12:15] Toto     So cool! [12:17] Kara     Ignition. [12:19] Toto     They usually ask for the     address for the navigation. [12:23] Kara     Oh, I won't be using the navigation. SIGN    Safe SIGN    Take a free [12:25] Kara     I'd be a loser if I used it. [12:29] Toto     So cool! [12:31] Kara     Ignition. [12:32] Kara     Oh, here, we'll use a secret path-tion. [12:36] Toto     Amazing! By the way, I'd like to     get there in fifteen minutes. [12:41] Kara     We'll get there in eight-tion. [12:44] Toto     So reliable! [12:59] Toto     Um... [13:00] Toto     Are you lost? SIGN    Vacant [13:02] Toto     Not only has eight minutes passed by, [13:04] Toto     it's been over thirty     minutes, and I'm late now. [13:08] Toto     Hey. [13:08] Kara     Oh, here, we'll use a secret path-tion. [13:11] Toto     That's exactly why you're lost-tion! [13:13] Toto     Stop! Just stop! [13:16] Toto     If you don't know how to get there,     just say so! I'll give you directions! [13:21] Kara     We'll be there in a couple of minutes. [13:23] Toto     Really? [13:24] Kara     Yes. Though a bit of time     loss may be inevitable. [13:28] Kara     I'm a newbie, after all. [13:30] Kara     Right. Let's go. [13:31] Toto     What?! A newbie?! [13:33] Kara     Ignition. [13:34] Toto     No, wait, wait. [13:35] Toto     Wait, you're a newbie? [13:38] Kara     Yes, I just started today. [13:40] Toto     And it's your first day?!     You're like this on your first day?! [13:43] Toto     And somehow you're acting like a veteran?!     And you're wearing those sunglasses?! [13:47] Toto     Don't "?" me! Why are you so chill?! [13:49] Toto     Then there's no way you know where Oplex is. [13:53] Kara     I do. [13:54] Toto     Stop lying. [13:55] Kara     It's a swingers bar, right? [13:58] Toto     It's a café! [14:00] Toto     I wouldn't go to a swingers bar! [14:02] Toto     I'm in a suit, and it's daylight on a weekday! [14:03] Toto     How do I look like I'm     going to a swingers bar?! [14:06] Kara     Well, you see all kinds     when you drive a taxi. [14:09] Toto     But you just started today, didn't you?     Why are you acting like a veteran? [14:13] Kara     Huh? [14:14] Toto     Don't "Huh?" me! [14:16] Toto     That's enough. Could you     just use your navigation? [14:19] Kara     No. I lose if I use this. [14:21] Toto     Shut up, noob. SIGN    Destination [14:23] Toto     6-chome in Roppongi... [14:25] Kara     6-chome in Roppon— [14:30] Toto     6-chome in Roppongi... [14:35] Toto     Roppongi... [14:38] Toto     Roppon— [14:42] Car     Karamatsu go, go, go! [14:45] Car     Karamatsu go! [14:48] Toto     What the hell's wrong with this taxi?     How did it pass inspection?! [14:53] Toto     That's enough. I'm getting out. [14:55] Kara     Huh?! [14:55] Toto     How much do I owe you? [14:57] Kara     I didn't have the meter running! [15:00] Toto     Will this be enough, then? [15:02] Toto     Come on. Open the door. [15:03] Kara     I don't know how to open the door! [15:05] Toto     Then could you just go straight?     I'll give you directions. [15:09] Kara     I'm out of gas! [15:11] Toto     Quit your job right now! [15:14] Toto     I'm sorry! I said too much, noob! [15:17] Toto     Noob! [15:22] Toto     Don't be like that, okay? [15:25] Kara     No... I'm going to quit. [15:27] Toto     But you finally managed     to become a taxi driver. [15:30] Kara     I'm just not cut out for it. [15:32] Toto     That's not your problem.     It's how you're acting. [15:35] Toto     You're trying to be a veteran way too fast. [15:38] Toto     You can act like that after you've     had somewhat of a career. [15:43] Kara     I usually ask my customers     where they'd like to go, [15:47] Kara     but it appears I've lost my own way. [15:50] Toto     Stop saying that, noob. You need     to actually drive a few years first. [15:56] Toto     You usually have to work somewhere     for a while before it gets to be fun. [16:02] Toto     I think it'd be a waste for you to quit now. [16:05] Toto     That's just my opinion, though. [16:08] Toto     I'll give you directions,     so get me to my destination, [16:13] Toto     Mr. Taxi Driver. [16:15] Toto     Ignition. [16:36] Kara     W-We're here. We're here! SIGN    Café Oplex [16:42] Car     Karamatsu go, go, go! [16:45] Car     Karamatsu go! [16:49] Kara     No, no, no, I couldn't. [16:51] Kara     No, no, no, no, really! [16:54] Kara     Miss! [16:58] Toto     Don't ever forget how it     feels to be a beginner. [17:00] Toto     I'll be rooting for you,     Mr. Newbie Taxi Driver. [17:03] Kara     Th-Thank you so much. [17:07] Toto     Bye. SIGN    Job interview venue for new graduates [17:15] Kara     Huh? [17:17] Kara     What?! SIGN    Job interview venue for new graduates [17:24] Guy     You're late! [17:25] Toto     Sorry. I've never been here,     so I didn't know the way. SIGN    HR Oomori [17:29] Guy     Do you even want to work? [17:31] Toto     My bad. [17:34] Kara     That bitch! SIGN    End [17:40] Totty     A New Year's tradition! [17:42] Totty     The fourth annual Totty Quiz! SIGN    Annual New Year's     Totty Quiz [17:48] Totty     It's time once again. Those who answer     correctly will get this sticker. [17:53] Totty     Let's get right into it. Question one. [17:56] Totty     Why aren't we popular with girls? [17:59] Totty     A: Because we're shit.     B: We haven't had enough encounters. SIGN    A: Because we're shit     B: We haven't had enough encounters [18:04] Totty     Let's go! [18:11] Totty     Too bad! [18:12] Totty     Are you guys stupid? Just die already! [18:15] Totty     Question two. [18:17] Totty     Why can't the six of us find jobs? [18:20] Totty     A: Because we're shit.     B: We just haven't found the right job. SIGN    A: Because we're shit     B: We just haven't found the right job [18:32] Totty     Yeah, I could eat three     bowls of rice with this. [18:36] Totty     Question three. [18:37] Totty     If we were able to get a job,     which would it be? [18:42] Totty     A: Comedians. B: Voice actors. SIGN    A: Comedians     B: Voice Actors [18:53] Totty     Question four! [18:54] Totty     Which one's sexier? [18:56] Totty     A: Sticks. B: Buns. SIGN    A: Sticks     B: Buns [19:01] Oso     Wouldn't it depend on your preferences? [19:03] Choro     Is there even a right answer? [19:04] Choro     Which is it? [19:05] Jyu     Sticks? [19:06] Ichi     Buns? Uh... [19:11] Todo     Question five. [19:12] Oso     Why?! That question didn't     even have a right answer! [19:16] Jyu     Hey! They got stickers! [19:18] Todo     Being completely honest, how many     times do you do it in a day? [19:21] Todo     A: Once a day. B: Twice a day. SIGN    A: Once a day     B: Twice a day [19:24] Oso     I'm telling you, there's     no right answer to this! [19:27] Kara     It depends on the person! [19:28] Choro     What the hell's up with this quiz?! [19:33] Todo     Question six. [19:35] Kara     That's enough! [19:36] Jyu     Give us questions with actual right answers! [19:38] Todo     Which is the correct answer: [19:40] Todo     A: Actresses. B: Amateurs. SIGN    A: Actresses     B: Amateurs [19:43] Oso     There isn't a right answer! [19:45] Ichi     This is all based on your opinion! [19:46] Choro     Just give us questions with     actual right answers, Totty! [19:51] Todo     Question seven. [19:53] Todo     Which is more awkward? [19:55] Todo     A: Waiting for the pizza delivery guy     to give you change at the front door. SIGN    A: Waiting for the pizza delivery guy to give you     change at the front door.     B: Someone you know suddenly dyes their hair brown. [19:58] Todo     B: Someone you know suddenly     dyes their hair brown. [20:04] Totty     Correct! You all get stickers! [20:07] Ichi     That was easy. [20:08] Oso     I finally got one correct. [20:14] Totty     Question eight. [20:16] Totty     What is the square root of 7? [20:17] Totty     A: 2.64575. B: 3.01889. [20:22] Kara     What?! [20:23] Ichi     Which is it? [20:24] Oso     No idea. [20:26] Todo     Bzzt. You're out of time. [20:28] Todo     The correct answer is A: 2.64575. [20:31] Oso     Would've never guessed. [20:34] Todo     Question nine. [20:36] Todo     Which ones are Dekapan's pants? [20:38] Todo     A: This one. B: This one. [20:42] Todo     And the correct answer is B. [20:44] Oso     Would've never guessed. [20:46] Todo     Question ten. Which one is cuter? [20:50] Todo     A: Totoko-chan. B: Totty. SIGN    A: Totoko-chan     B: Totty [21:00] Todo     Too bad! Naturally, the answer's Totoko-chan! [21:03] Todo     You conniving jerks! [21:06] Todo     Last question! SIGN    Welcome!     4th Annual New Year's     Totty Quiz [21:10] Todo     Though honestly, we shouldn't even     be doing this ridiculous quiz. [21:14] Todo     What should we actually be     concentrating on right now?! [21:18] Todo     A: Finding a job! B: S*x! SIGN    A: Finding a job     B: --x! [21:29] Five     Which is it?! [21:33] Todo     You idiots! [21:36] Todo     Of course the answer is B! [21:40] All     T-Totty! [22:02] Totty     That's it for the Totty Quiz! [22:04] Totty     See you next year! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:40] Kara     This is Karamatsu. [23:41] Kara     Next time, there might be a new chance at     love with the appearance of a new girl. [23:44] Kara     Huh? What about Totoko-chan? SIGN    "Space Pirates" "Gourmet Round" "The Cutie Next Door" etc. [23:49] Kara     I'll end up in a harem situation     where they both fight over me! [23:52] Kara     Let's hope-tion! E16 - Space Pirates / Gourmet Episode / The Cutie Next Door Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:08] Pirate     I stole it all... [00:11] Pirate     Money, [00:13] Pirate     weapons, [00:15] Pirate     authority, [00:17] Pirate     and women. [00:20] Sha     Everything in this world was my prey. [00:27] Guy     That's... [00:30] Guy     The space pirate Shaazar! [00:32] Guy2     It's Shaazar! [00:51] Sha     But I'm reaching the end of the line. [01:05] Sha     Boredom is evil. [01:24] Guy     All right! We've finally got him! [01:27] Guy     Shoot him down with everything we've got! [01:33] Guy     Wait! That's... [01:40] Sha     I've decided to reset everything. [01:43] Sha     This life, my memories... [01:46] Sha     I'm going back to nothingness,     and going down a new path. [01:53] prof     This is rather commendable, Shaazar-sama. [01:57] Prof     You have a life anyone would be envious of,     and such a beautiful face. [02:01] Prof     Are you sure you want to     go through with this? [02:10] Prof     This way. [02:23] Prof     How unfortunate. [02:25] Prof     I guess even the great pirate     has no choice but to run away [02:29] Prof     if the Empire is after him. [02:32] Android     That's not it. [02:33] Prof     Huh? [02:33] Android     He's not running away. He's become     bored with this whole universe. SIGN    20 Years Later [02:49] Guy     We've finally found you,     Space Pirate Shaazar! [02:52] Guy 2     To think you'd change your face     to this just to get away from us. [02:56] Guy     Give it up! We know you're Shaazar! [03:01] Dayon     Nope, I'm not! SIGN    Space Pirates [03:04] Dayon     I'm just Dayon! [03:07] Guy     You can't fool us! No human     actually looks like that! [03:11] Dayon     You've got the wrong guy! [03:13] Guy     It's Shaazar! Fire! [03:15] Deka     Hold it! [03:16] Deka     What's all this fuss about? [03:19] Guy     Who the heck's this guy? [03:20] Guy     He's suspicious, too.     Are you the real Shaazar?! [03:23] Deka     What?! [03:24] Guy     Fire! [03:25] Deka     You've got the wrong guy! [03:27] Guy     No one dresses like that on purpose! [03:30] Guy     It's Shaazar! Fire! [03:31] Deka     Wait! [03:33] Iya     What's going on here? [03:35] Guy     Are you the real Shaazar?! [03:36] Iya     Huh?! [03:37] Guy     No one looks that evil to begin with! [03:40] Guy     It's Shaazar! Fire! [03:41] Iya     Sheeeh! [03:42] Iya     You've got the wrong guy! [03:44] Guy     Wh-Which one is the real Shaazar?! [03:46] Dayon     It's him! [03:48] Guy     Fire! [03:48] Deka     It's him! [03:49] Guy     Fire! [03:50] Iya     It has to be you! [03:51] Guy     Fire! [03:51] Dayon     It's him! [03:52] Guy     Fire! [03:53] Deka     It's him! [03:53] Guy     Fire! [03:53] Iya     It has to be you! [03:54] Guy     Fire! [03:54] Dayon     It's him! [03:55] Guy     Which one is the real Shaazar?! [03:57] Deka     It's him! [03:58] Guy     Fire! [03:58] Iya     It has to be you! [03:59] Guy     Fire! [03:59] Dayon     It's him! [04:00] Guy     Fire! [04:00] Deka     It's him! [04:01] Iya     It has to be you! [04:01] Guy     Fire! [04:02] Dayon     It's him! [04:02] Guy     Fire! [04:02] Deka     It's him! [04:03] Guy     Fire! [04:03] Iya     It has to be you! [04:04] Dayon     It's him! [04:04] ---     Fire! [04:04] ---     Fire! SIGN    End [04:05] ---     Fire! [04:07] ---     Fire! SIGN    "Gourmet Episode" [05:43] Ichi     So good. [05:44] Jyushi     Yum! [05:45] Mom     It's so good! I didn't think it'd be so good. [05:48] Mom     I underestimated him. [05:49] Oso     Right? Chibita's oden is the best! [05:53] Chibi     Oh, stop, you idjit. But my oden's     got spirit, if nothing else. [05:59] Mom     What's the matter, dear? [06:02] Dad     It's not a big deal, really. [06:03] Dad     I'm just surprised you can all fuss over     this oden when it's not even good. [06:07] All     Huh? [06:08] Chib     Whaddya say, you idjit?! Say it again! [06:11] Dad     Yeah, I'll say it as many times as you want. [06:14] Dad     This isn't something you     can actually call oden. [06:18] Dad     It's just some hodgepodge     made by some amateur! [06:22] Totty     Who the heck are you? [06:23] Oso     What's wrong, Dad? Why are you     acting like someone else? [06:26] Kara     What kind of switch is this?! [06:28] Dad     Listen up, chef. The atmosphere is     really important when you're eating. [06:34] Dad     I'm going to be blunt... [06:36] Dad     It's frickin' cold out here. [06:38] Chibi     Uh, it's a food stall, so of     course it's cold, you idjit. SIGN    Hybrid Oden [06:41] Chibi     What're you talkin' about? [06:43] Dad     You don't even have the right equipment.     These are disposable chopsticks. [06:46] Chibi     Because it's a food stall. [06:47] Dad     And the mustard is hot! [06:49] Chibi     Duh. It's mustard. [06:50] Dad     All of those things are     making your oden taste bad. [06:54] Chibi     You're the one making it taste bad! Leave! [06:57] Dad     Listen up, everyone. If you want to eat     some real oden, this time next week, [07:02] Dad     come to this place. SIGN    Matsuboshi [07:05] Dad     I'll serve you all the best oden in Japan. SIGN    Akatsuka Tribune [07:13] Guy     Hey, Matsuno-kun! You still have work to do! [07:17] Guy     Matsuno-kun! SIGN    Matsuboshi [08:02] Dad     That's it. SIGN    Matsuboshi SIGN    Matsuboshi SIGN    30 Minutes Later SIGN    Matsuboshi SIGN    2 Hours Later [08:35] Dad     No one came! SIGN    End SIGN    "The Cutie Next Door" [08:49] Oso     S-So cute! [08:51] Jyu     She's cute! [08:52] Totty     Yeah, she's super cute! [08:53] Kara     She's beautiful. [08:54] Choro     She's lovely. [09:00] Todo     So, what's important here is how     we become acquainted with her. [09:04] Choro     Right... They do say first     impressions are important. [09:08] Jyu     How to greet her, huh? [09:10] Oso     How to greet her... [09:12] Ichi     Huh? [09:23] Oso     Wh-Wh-Wh-What are we     supposed to do with this?! [09:26] Kara     What are we going to do? Her bra came     over before we could even go say hi! [09:30] Totty     How does this happen?! [09:32] Ichi     Sh-Should we go return it? [09:35] Todo     Huh? And say, "You dropped your bra?" [09:37] Todo     Talk about the worst first impression. [09:38] Oso     All right. Should we just keep it, then? [09:40] Choro     Are you stupid? [09:41] Jyu     Should we just eat it? [09:42] Kara     Are you stupid? [09:43] Oso     What are we going to do?! Do virgins     usually have to face such challenges?! [09:47] Six     What should we do?! [09:48] Six     What are we going to do?! [09:49] Kinko     Pardon me! [09:58] Todo     Who would've thought     she'd come and get it? [10:04] Oso     Her name is Inuyama Kinko.     Kin-chan for short. [10:09] Oso     Ever since then, her bras     show up every once in a while. [10:14] Kinko     It blew away again. [10:16] Choro     This isn't really something     to laugh about, Kin-chan. [10:18] Kara     We're virgins over here. [10:20] Oso     The more bras that came flying     over, the closer we got. [10:25] Jyu     We're home! [10:26] Kin     Hey, NEETs. [10:28] Jyu     Kin-chan! [10:30] Kin     Heya! [10:32] Kin     Here, this is for you guys. [10:35] Jyu     What is it? [10:36] Kin     They're sweets from back home. [10:37] Kin     I wanted to thank you guys     for always finding my bras. [10:40] Jyu     What? Really? [10:42] Kin     Give some to your parents, too. See ya! [10:49] Oso     Kin-chan's so cute. [10:51] Choro     She's so lovely. [10:53] Kara     Kin-chan, we love you! [10:55] Totty     You're super cute! [10:56] Oso     So cute! [10:57] Jyu     Kin-chan! [11:01] Toto     Kin-chan? Who's that? [11:04] Oso     Make sure your bras don't     come flying over again! [11:07] Toto     Someone who has bras flying     over there? Who is she? [11:10] Choro     Kin-chan! [11:11] Kara     Kin-chan! [11:12] Toto     Who? Who's Kin-chan?! [11:14] Six     Kin-chan! [11:15] Toto     Seriously, who is she?! SIGN    A Few Days Later [11:19] Oso     Hey, there's trouble! [11:21] All     Huh? [11:22] Oso     Kin-chan says she wants     to go on a date with us! [11:24] All     What?! [11:25] Totty     Seriously?! [11:26] Jyu     Why?! [11:26] Kara     Wow, wow, wow! [11:28] Oso     Apparently she's still not used to Tokyo,     so she wants us to show her around. [11:33] Choro     Sheeeh! When? [11:34] Oso     Tomorrow! [11:35] All     Tomorrow?! [11:38] Ichi     Tomorrow's not going to work. [11:39] Ichi     We promised Totoko-chan... [11:43] Ichi     that we'd go to a sale with her so she     can let us carry all her stuff for her. [11:47] Ichi     It's a very blessed day. [11:49] Toto     Is it heavy, you guys? [11:52] All     Not at all! [11:53] Oso     Oh, crap! That's tomorrow? [11:56] Kara     How could you double-book, you fool?! [11:58] Oso     We don't have any other choice...     but to decline Totoko-chan's offer. [12:02] Choro     Huh? [12:03] Choro     Can we actually do that?     Won't we get killed? [12:05] Oso     Well, you know, Kin-chan's... [12:08] Choro     Oh, right... SIGN    Totoko-chan SIGN    In call [12:18] Toto     Hello? [12:22] Kara     T-Totoko-chan? [12:24] Toto     What is it, Karamatsu-kun? [12:27] Kara     Um... About tomorrow... [12:30] Toto     Yeah? [12:32] Toto     What? What? What?! [12:35] Toto     You can't come?! [12:43] Toto     What's that supposed to mean? [12:47] Toto     You promised me, didn't you? So why? [12:51] Kara     Well, uh, something came up... [12:53] Toto     Something came up? [12:55] Toto     So you don't want to come on our date? [12:58] Kara     Non, non! No, no, no, non, Totoko-chan! [13:00] Choro     Of course we want to go!     And we're grief-stricken over this, but... [13:03] Toto     Really? [13:05] Choro     Yes! Totally grief-stricken! [13:07] Choro     Right, Jyushimatsu? [13:09] Jyu     My insides are exploding!     I can't believe we can't go! [13:15] Toto     Okay, fine. [13:16] Toto     I'll never ask you guys out again. [13:18] Toto     Bye! [13:22] Ichi     Totoko-chan's amazing... [13:24] Oso     When'd she learn how to do that? [13:27] Jyu     Someone praise me. SIGN    The Next Day [13:29] Toto     Hmph! [13:31] Toto     How dare they cancel on me     at the last minute? Those idiots. [13:35] Toto     Oh, well. I guess I can try     holding my own bags for once. [13:41] Toto     Huh? [13:43] Toto     What? Why? [13:45] Toto     Was the thing that came up... [13:48] Kin     Let's go. [13:49] Jyu     Where do you want to go, Kin-chan? [13:51] Toto     There's that Kin-chan again! [13:52] Toto     Who's Kin-chan? Who's this Kin-chan? [13:54] Toto     Who is she?! [14:01] Toto     Oh-ho... I see. [14:04] Toto     So basically, when you're that     unpopular, I'm out of your league. [14:09] Toto     That's why they're targeting     a commoner instead. [14:12] Toto     Yes, they can't help it. [14:14] Toto     I'm just too cute! They are     virgins, after all, yes. SIGN    Fresh     Juice [14:18] Toto     They look like they're having fun.     It's good that I let them do this. Yes. [14:22] Toto     They're so close. I guess they don't     get as nervous with a commoner. Yes. [14:35] Kin     Hey, what do you think of this? [14:37] Todo     Huh? I'm not so sure... [14:39] Kin     No way! It's cute, isn't it? [14:41] Oso     Yeah, I'm not sure... [14:42] Choro     I'm not sure if it suits you, Kin-chan. [14:44] Kin     What? I look good, don't I? [14:46] Ichi     It doesn't look good on you at all. [14:47] Kin     What? [14:51] Oso     Where should we go next? [14:52] Oso     Pachinko? The horse races? [14:54] Jyu     Jingu? Dome? [14:56] Kin     I dunno. There are so many choices. [14:59] Choro     Huh? [15:00] Ichi     What's wrong? [15:01] Choro     Look over there. [15:02] All     Huh? [15:03] Choro     Isn't that... Totoko-chan? [15:24] Kin     What? What's going on? [15:30] Kara     She's super pissed! [15:33] Jyu     Not good. [15:34] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan,     get me something to drink. [15:36] Choro     Buy it yourself! [15:38] Choro     Honestly... [15:48] All     T-Totoko-chan! [15:50] Choro     We're sorry! Please forgive us! [15:51] Choro     It's all our fault, Totoko-chan! [15:53] Toto     I am not Totoko. I'm a vending machine. [15:56] Toto     Please insert 130 yen. [15:58] Kara     Really, we're sorry! [16:00] Choro     Please forgive us, Totoko-chan! [16:01] Toto     I am not Totoko. Please insert 130 yen. [16:05] Kara     You're freaking us out! [16:06] Choro     Come on, please! [16:08] Toto     Buy some drinks. SIGN    Izakaya [16:26] Choro     S-So, this is Kin-chan... [16:30] Toto     Who? Who's Kin-chan? [16:32] Kin     N-Nice to meet you. [16:34] Toto     Nice to meet you. [16:35] Kin     My name is Inuyama Kinko. [16:37] Toto     I am a vending machine. [16:40] Choro     Y-You see, there's a good reason for this. [16:44] Choro     We didn't pick one over the other. [16:47] Toto     It's fine. I'm not mad. [16:50] Toto     I don't care who you hang out with.     I'm not your girlfriend. [16:54] Toto     Of course you'd prefer this date instead. [16:57] Toto     Who would want to go out with an uncute     girl who'd make you hold all her bags? [17:01] Choro     Huh? But you're the cutest, Totoko-chan! [17:04] Toto     I'm not cute. [17:05] Jyu     But you are! [17:06] Toto     How am I cute? I get mad     easily, and I'm selfish. [17:09] Toto     That's not cute at all. [17:11] Ichi     No, you are. [17:12] Toto     I'm not. [17:13] All     You're cute! [17:14] Toto     I'm not. [17:15] All     You are! [17:16] Toto     I'm not. [17:17] All     You are! [17:18] Toto     I'm not. [17:20] Oso     Yeah, you're not cute at all. [17:25] Oso     What's with you, Totoko-chan? Are you that     mad we had to cancel at the last minute? [17:29] Oso     You're acting weird today. [18:02] Todo     Totoko-chan. Sorry, he's an idiot. [18:06] Todo     Don't let him get to you. [18:08] Todo     We're the ones who double-booked, and he     tried to overlook that fact. He's an idiot. [18:21] (Flashback) Kin     Oh, sorry. Don't worry about it.     I'll hold my own things. [18:25] (Flashback) Kin     This is perfect for you. [18:27] (Flashback) Kin     Why don't we rest a bit?     This is tiring, isn't it? [18:32] (Flashback) Kin     This one! [18:35] (Flashback) Todo     It doesn't look good at all! [18:36] (Flashback) Oso     Let's pick something else. [18:40] (Flashback) Kin     Gosh, you guys are so picky. [18:50] Todo     What's wrong? [18:52] Toto     I'm going home. [18:53] Todo     Huh? But why? [18:54] Todo     Everyone's waiting for you. [18:56] Toto     Forget it. It's too much trouble. [19:00] Todo     What's too much trouble? [19:11] Toto     Huh? [19:14] Kin     Um... They explained everything to me, [19:19] Kin     and it seems like they     changed their plans for me [19:22] Kin     since I'm going back home tomorrow. [19:25] Toto     Going home? [19:26] Choro     Yeah. She's in town now to visit a relative. [19:31] Choro     She's going home tomorrow,     so today was the only day. [19:35] Oso     I guess we should've just said that. [19:37] Oso     We're sorry, Totoko-chan. [19:39] Kin     I'm so sorry! [19:41] Kin     They promised you first,     but I ended up intervening... [19:47] Oso     Hey, you don't need to apologize, Kin-chan. [20:05] Toto     Why?! Why are you apologizing?! [20:12] Toto     Who? Who's Kin-chan? Ugh! [20:18] Todo     Uh, what? [20:20] Oso     I have no idea... [20:21] Toto     Who's Kin-chan?! SIGN    The Next Day [21:12] Oso     Well, there she goes. [21:15] Kara     Hopefully she'll come visit again. [21:17] Jyu     Maybe over summer vacation. [21:19] Todo     Thanks for coming, Totoko-chan. [21:21] Choro     We're relieved you two made up. [21:28] Toto     Hey. [21:32] Toto     Listen up. I'll forgive Kin-chan,     because she was a nice girl. [21:36] Toto     However... However! [21:40] Toto     You have the cutest girl of all,     Yowai Totoko, right next to you! [21:44] Toto     So stop letting your eyes wander like that! [21:47] All     Yes, ma'am! [21:48] Toto     Totoko is number one! [21:49] All     Yes, milady! [21:50] Toto     No question. [21:52] All     Yes, milady! [21:53] Toto     The cutest! [21:54] All     Yes, milady! [21:56] Oso     Um, just wondering... What are the chances     you'll go out with one of us someday? [22:01] Toto     Huh? [22:02] Toto     Yeah... I don't see that happening. [22:05] All     Yes, milady! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:39] Choro     Next week is a story about a mysterious girl [23:42] Choro     who appears at a traditional     inn in the countryside. [23:44] Choro     What's her secret? [23:46] Choro     Did you figure it out?     That's what I thought, too. SIGN    "Punishment!" "Inn" etc. [23:49] Choro     Just the sound of the word     "inn" makes it sound pervy. E17 - Punishment! / Inn Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:05] Nar     Unidentified mysterious animals,     otherwise known as UMA. [00:08] Nar     The mysterious world of the occult     is filled with passion and dreams. [00:12] Nar     This is the passionate tale of     adventure of the men who were [00:16] Nar     enchanted by its mysticism! [00:19] Iyami     Iyami... [00:21] Hata     Hatabou... [00:21] Jyu     And Jyushimatsu's... [00:23] All     ...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah! SIGN    UMA Expedition Team [00:32] Iyami     Sheeeh! [00:35] Iyami     You two! [00:36] Iyami     Our target today is this! [00:40] Iyami     The Devil Yeti! [00:42] Hata     Jo. [00:44] Iyami     It lives in a cave that looks like this! [00:48] Iyami     We're going to catch one, no matter what! [00:50] Jyu     Today's the day... [00:51] Hata     ...we catch one, jo! [00:52] Iyami     Let's do this! [00:53] Jyu     Jo! Jo! [00:54] Hata     Yeti! [00:56] ---     Cacth and release! SIGN    One Week Later [01:39] Hata     Jo! [01:43] Hata     Jo... [01:46] Hata     That hurt, jo! [02:27] Jyu     Ow! [02:29] Iyami     Sheeeh! [02:45] Hata     Jo... Jo... Jo... [02:52] Jo     Jo... [03:02] Jo     Jo. [03:07] Iyami     That hurt! [03:10] Iyami     Die! Die! Both of you die! [03:22] Jyu     D-Director! [03:23] Iyami     Me is not a director. Me is your captain. [03:25] Jyu     Look! [03:29] Iyami     Sheeeh! That's the Devil Yeti's... [03:34] Jyu     Yay! [03:35] Iyami     We did it! [03:37] Hata     It's coming out, jo. [03:41] Hata     Jo... [03:46] Hata     Jo... [03:49] ---     Jo... [03:58] Jyu     What are you doing? [03:59] Dayon     Training. [04:03] Hata     Jo. SIGN    End [05:38] Oso     What? Seriously?! [05:40] Oso     We're having yakiniku tonight?! [05:42] Kara     Is that the truth, Daddy and Mommy?! [05:45] Dad     Yakiniku. [05:46] Mom     Yes, yakiniku. [05:49] choro     Yay! Yakiniku! [05:51] Todo     Yay! So happy! [05:53] Ichi     Yes... Yes... Yes... SIGN    "Punishment!" [06:00] Jyu     We're having yakiniku tonight,     Ichimatsu-niisan! Isn't that great? [06:06] Jyu     Aren't you happy? [06:08] Ichi     No, I'm happy. [06:11] Jyu     You don't really come out and say     when you're happy, do you? [06:15] Ichi     Leave me alone. [06:16] Jyu     I will. SIGN    Change SIGN    Vending SIGN    No Bills Out of Change [06:20] Jyu     Whoa! That's awesome! [06:22] Jyu     It's your lucky day, Ichimatsu-niisan! [06:25] Jyu     What's wrong? [06:26] Ichi     There's already a blessed event in that     we're going to have yakiniku tonight... [06:31] Ichi     Why did I win a free drink, too? [06:34] Jyu     Good for you. [06:36] Ichi     It's a trap. [06:37] Jyu     Huh?! [06:38] Ichi     Let's go home. [06:38] Jyu     Why?! Don't you want your drink? [06:40] Jyu     Ichimatsu-niisan?! [06:44] Jyu     Hey, it's a cat. [06:45] Jyu     Look, Ichimatsu-niisan! There's a cat. [06:50] Jyu     Why aren't you looking? [06:51] Ichi     It really is a trap. [06:53] Jyu     What?! [06:57] Jyu     You found a 500-yen coin. Lucky you! [07:00] Jyu     Why?! [07:05] Jyu     What's the matter? Why are you so scared? [07:09] Ichi     So many good things are happening today,     I'm actually scared. [07:13] Jyu     Come again? [07:14] Ichi     Aren't you scared? [07:16] Jyu     Not at all. [07:17] Ichi     Doesn't it make you wonder why     these happy things keep happening? [07:20] Jyu     Not at all. [07:26] Ichi     Okay, this is tonight's yakiniku. [07:29] Ichi     It's a good thing. It's a happy thing. [07:31] Jyu     Yeah. [07:32] Ichi     But you can't get too happy over it, [07:35] Ichi     because something equally as     bad is going to happen later. [07:38] Jyu     What?! Really? [07:39] Ichi     Yeah. Life is all about balance. [07:42] Jyu     Huh... [07:44] Ichi     But then... [07:46] Ichi     I won a drink on top of that,     then we found a cat, my favorite, [07:50] Ichi     and I found a 500-yen coin... [07:54] Ichi     This is definitely not good.     My happiness debt's completely inflated. [07:57] Jyu     Happiness debt... [07:59] Jyu     What's happiness debt? [08:01] Ichi     The misfortune payback     for this will be terrifying. [08:05] Jyu     What's misfortune payback? [08:07] Ichi     That's exactly why, Jyushimatsu. [08:08] Jyu     Huh? [08:09] Ichi     Since we're already having yakiniku tonight, [08:12] Ichi     we don't need anything else good to happen. [08:14] Ichi     If we pack on too much happiness debt, [08:16] Ichi     in the worst case, we might not     be able to eat yakiniku tonight. [08:18] Jyu     What?! That'll be awful. [08:20] Ichi     We have to be cautious... [08:22] Ichi     We have to make some bad things     happen in order to maintain balance. [08:26] Jyu     True. [08:27] Ichi     For the yakiniku. [08:29] Jyu     For the yakiniku. [08:36] Jyu     I'm jealous. You seem to be getting     all the fish, Ichimatsu-niisan. [08:41] Ichi     Punishment! [08:43] Jyu     Oh, yeah. Punishment! [08:51] Jyu     Yay! I hit it! [08:53] Ichi     No, Jyushimatsu. [08:56] Jyu     Punishment! [08:59] Ichi     Well done. SIGN    Daibinbouya SIGN    You Win!     Get a free one     from the store     you got this from [09:06] Jyu     Punishment! SIGN    Pro Baseball     Lightly Salted Chips     w/ Trading Card! [09:09] Jyu     Heck yes! Mernored! [09:10] Ichi     Punishment! SIGN    The Original Akatsuka Ramen [09:13] Lady     Congratulations! You're our 10,000th customer! [09:19] Both     Punishment! [09:24] Ichi     Punishment! [09:26] Jyu     Punishment! [09:28] Ichi     Punishment! [09:30] Jyu     Punishment! [09:31] Both     Punishment! Punishment!     Punishment! Punishment! SIGN    Shibuya Station [09:44] Ichi     H-Here we go... The ultimate punishment. [09:47] Jyu     S-Seriously? [09:50] Ichi     Punishment, punishment, punishment,     punishment, punishment... [09:56] Jyu     Nothing's even happening,     but I'm super nervous! [09:59] Jyu     Too fancy! [10:01] Ichi     Punishment! [10:02] Jyu     Punishment! [10:03] Ichi     Punishment! [10:04] Jyu     Punishment! [10:06] Ichi     Take the punishment, Jyushimatsu! [10:08] Jyu     Take the punishment, Ichimatsu-niisan! [10:10] Both     Punishment! [10:25] Ichi     I think we went a little overboard... [10:27] Jyu     I can't take any more... [10:34] Guy     Aw, man. A sudden rainstorm. [10:38] Guy     This sucks! [10:42] Both     Yes! [10:47] Ichi     It's a sudden rainstorm, Jyushimatsu! [10:50] Jyu     It's a sudden rainstorm, Ichimatsu-niisan! [10:52] Ichi     Now we don't need to punish     each other anymore. [10:54] Jyu     No reason at all! [10:56] Both     Yay! [10:59] Jyu     I can already taste the yakiniku! [11:00] Jyu     I can taste the kalbi! [11:04] Both     No need to punish ourselves! [11:07] Girl 1     Ugh, this sucks. [11:09] Girl 2     I'm soaked! [11:11] Girl 1     I'm going to catch a cold. [11:12] Girl 2     Seriously! This is awful. [11:18] Both     Punishment! [11:29] Todo     We bought so much meat. [11:32] Choro     I can't wait. SIGN    End SIGN    "Inn" [11:52] Kara     The mountains sure are great. [11:54] Todo     They are. [11:56] Todo     And it's so nice to be on vacation with you, sir. [12:00] Kara     Come on. You don't need to     call me "sir" today, Todomi. [12:04] todo     Okay, Karahiko-san. [12:07] Kara     Looks like we're here. SIGN    Welcome [12:10] Todo     How lovely. [12:15] Choro     Welcome. I am the proprietress     of this establishment, Choroe. [12:19] Choro     Thank you for coming. [12:22] Kara     Hello. [12:23] Todo     Thank you for having us. [12:27] Choro     Here is your room. [12:34] Todo     It really is lovely. [12:36] Kara     It's a great view, all right. [12:38] Todo     Oh, honestly. I'm not talking about the view. [12:40] Kara     Hm? [12:41] Todo     I'm talking about you. [12:46] Kara     Well, let's change into something     a bit more comfortable. [12:48] Todo     Yes. [12:53] Kara     Huh? Who's this kid? [13:05] Kara     L-Little girl? [13:08] Oso     My name's Osoma! [13:12] Kara     Oso? [13:13] Oso     Osoma! [13:14] Oso     I'm a zashikiwarashi that lives in this room! [13:16] Kara     A zashikiwarashi? [13:17] Oso     Yup! [13:19] Todo     Hey, this is creepy. [13:21] Todo     Let's go tell the staff about this. [13:23] Kara     Yeah, you're right... [13:26] Oso     I'm telling the truth. [13:29] Oso     No one ever believes me at first, [13:32] Oso     but I really am a zashikiwarashi. [13:38] Oso     See? [13:41] Kara     It's real! SIGN    Evil spirits, begone [13:53] Todo     Hey, how long are we going to do this? [13:55] Todo     Let's go home! [13:57] Kara     Oh, it's fine. [13:58] Todo     What? [13:59] Kara     You don't get to see     zashikiwarashi that often. [14:02] Kara     And look at her. She's adorable. [14:04] Todo     How?! [14:09] Kara     She's so adorable. [14:11] Todo     How?! [14:14] Oso     You're not going to leave? [14:15] Kara     Hm? [14:17] Oso     I mean, I'm a zashikiwarashi. [14:19] Oso     Aren't you sick of me? [14:20] Kara     Not at all. That's why we're not leaving. [14:23] Todo     Huh?! [14:24] Oso     But why? I'm a zashikiwarashi. [14:27] Kara     I'm happy to have a cute little girl     like you in my room, Osoma-chan. [14:36] Oso     You're weird. [14:37] Todo     What are you thinking? [14:39] Kara     Oh, come on. It's fine. [14:41] Todo     How?! [14:42] Oso     Hey. [14:43] Oso     Why don't you go take a bath? [14:45] Oso     You came all the way to the hot springs,     so you should go enjoy them at least once. [14:49] Kara     Oh, that's a great idea. [14:51] Todo     Huh? [15:08] Oso     How's the water? Good? [15:09] Kara     Yeah, it's great. [15:12] Oso     Glad to hear it. [15:40] Todo     Take that! Take that and that! [15:44] Todo     Hey, stop that! Come on! [15:52] Todo     This looks delicious! [15:55] Oso     Come on, sit down. [15:59] Oso     There you go. [16:00] Oso     Here. [16:02] Todo     Thank you, Osoma-chan. [16:05] Kara     Well, let's toast. [16:07] ---     Cheers. [16:11] Osoma     We got this from the mountains over here. [16:14] Kara     I see... [16:15] Osoma     Oh, you put soy sauce on that. [16:18] Todo     Thanks. [16:22] Kara     Good job, Osoma-chan. [16:24] Todo     Well done! [16:26] Kara     You're so cute. If only we     had a daughter like you. [16:31] Todo     Oh, Karahiko-san! [16:39] Kara     But you know... I never thought we'd be     staying in a room with a zashikiwarashi. [16:47] Todo     This ended up being a wonderful trip. [16:49] Todo     I'd love to come again. [16:50] Oso     Did you like our inn? [16:52] Todo     Yes. It's all thanks to you, Osoma-chan. [16:55] Oso     Thank goodness! [16:56] Todo     You did startle me at first, though. [16:59] Kara     But it didn't take long to get used to it. [17:01] Oso     I have something I want to talk     to you about. Is that okay? [17:07] Kara     Talk to us? [17:08] Todo     What is it? [17:10] Oso     It's about my Ma. [17:13] Todo     Your mother? Wait, what about your mother? [17:17] Oso     She's the proprietress of this inn. [17:21] Both     What?! [17:22] Kara     She's your mother? [17:25] Oso     Yup. [17:25] Todo     Really? [17:26] Oso     Yup. [17:28] Kara     I see... [17:30] Todo     How surprising. [17:33] Oso     I was killed. [17:37] Kara     Huh? [17:39] Oso     A long time ago, [17:41] Oso     Ma took my life. [17:48] Kara     Th-Th... [17:51] Both     This is suddenly creepy! [17:53] Kara     Huh? What's going on?! This is super creepy! [17:56] Kara     This was so much fun a little while ago!     Now it's not fun at all! [17:58] Kara     I want to go home! [18:00] Todo     So scary! [18:01] Oso     I was killed in this room. [18:02] Both     Scary! [18:03] Oso     I think I died right around there. [18:06] Both     Huh?! [18:07] Oso     These stains are my blood. [18:08] Both     What?! [18:10] Oso     My bones are buried on     the other side of this wall. [18:12] Both     What?! [18:14] Oso     So any time guests come     to this room, I ask them [18:18] Oso     to at least dig my bones out. [18:20] Kara     What the hell is wrong with this inn?! [18:22] Todo     Worst trip ever! We're never     coming back, you idiot! [18:26] Choro     I've brought you some beer. [18:28] Kara     Now the old lady showed up! [18:30] Todo     So scary! [18:31] Choro     What's the matter? You look a bit pale. [18:35] Kara     Scary, scary, scary. [18:36] Todo     Scary, scary, scary. [18:42] Choro     Did you happen to see...     something in this room? [18:47] Kara     She can't see Osoma-chan... [18:51] Kara     Scary, scary, scary! [18:52] Todo     Scary, scary, scary! [18:53] Choro     For example, oh, I don't know... [18:57] Choro     A zashikiwarashi? [19:00] Kara     I'm so scared! [19:02] Todo     I'm so scared! What is this, you idiot?! [19:05] Choro     Well? [19:08] Choro     If you saw one... [19:13] Both     I can't! [19:16] Kara     What is this?! What is this inn?! [19:18] Todo     This is awful! It was so much fun at first! [19:22] Kara     Wait... [19:24] Kara     Should we really leave? [19:27] Todo     Huh?! [19:29] Kara     I mean... If we leave right now, [19:32] Kara     no one will ever know what     happened to that girl. [19:38] Todo     Don't be stupid! Just go! [20:13] Oso     Perfect success! [20:14] Choro     Hey. [20:16] Oso     Ma! [20:18] Choro     There you go, scaring the guests     and making them leave again. [20:21] Choro     Keep it up, and we won't     be able to eat anymore. [20:23] Oso     Come on, let's play, Ma! [20:26] Choro     What do I always tell you? I have to work. [20:29] Choro     Honestly, what a troublesome child. [20:33] Oso     I didn't do anything wrong. [20:35] Oso     This is all your fault, Ma. [20:40] Choro     Oh, very well. Since the guests left,     why don't I read you a book tonight? [20:47] Oso     Really? Yay! [20:49] Oso     I love you, Ma! [20:54] Oso     Hey, Ma. [20:57] Oso     Do you love Osoma? [21:01] Choro     Come now. Don't ask something so obvious. [21:06] Oso     Okay! SIGN    End [22:45] Choro     Aw, man... We ended up with extra time. [22:50] Choro     Well, I guess I'll have to fap— [22:52] Kara     We have extra time?! [22:54] Kara     Hmph! Let's do this, then! [22:56] Kara     Karamatsu and... [22:57] jyu     Jyushimatsu's... [22:58] both     ...delivery skit! [23:00] Both     "If Hansel and Gretel Were Actually Smart!" SIGN    Delivery Skit     If Hansel and Gretel Were Actually Smart [23:06] Kara     Oh, no. We're lost in the woods. [23:09] Jyu     I'm hungry, Onii-chan. [23:12] Kara     All right. Let's leave pieces of this     bread so we can follow them back. [23:23] Kara     No, Jyushitel. You can't eat them. [23:27] Kara     Jyushitel. Stop eating them. [23:31] Kara     Jyushitel! I told you to stop! [23:35] Kara     Jyushitel! [23:36] Jyu     It's okay. I've been leaving something     behind for every one I eat. [23:39] Jyu     See? Look. [23:42] Kara     Smart! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Iyami, Alone in the Wind" E18 - Iyami, Alone in the Wind Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Iyami, Alone in the Wind" SIGN    Starving Town SIGN    Fruit SIGN    Green Grocer Yowai's Fish Shop [00:39] Toto     Thanks! Come again! [00:41] Hata     Jo, jo, jo, jo! [00:44] Guy     The poor are never bored. SIGN    Green Grocer SIGN    Shochikubai [01:06] Dayon     Pay your rent. Wake up. [01:10] Iyami     Say what? [01:12] Dayon     Your rent. [01:14] Iyami     Me doesn't have any money.     Me will give you something better. [01:19] Dayon     What's this? [01:20] Iyami     It's poop. [01:22] Dayon     It stinks! [01:30] Guy     Hey! [01:31] Guy     Stop! [01:33] Totoko     Hey! [01:34] All     Iyami! [01:37] Iyami     Only stupid people work! [01:40] Iyami     Me may not have any money,     but me is still faster than all of you! [01:46] Iyami     Not bad. [01:51] Oso     Out of the way! [01:53] Choro     Make way! [01:55] Kara     The hero of this town,     Chibita-san, is coming through! [01:58] Todo     Welcome back, Chibita-san! [02:00] Both     Bro! [02:04] Chibi     I'm starving. [02:05] Chibi     You guys can eat, too...     If any of it falls on the ground. [02:09] Toto     How dare you mock us?! [02:12] Iyami     All mine! [02:16] Chibi     H-He actually ate it! [02:19] Iyami     Drop some more. [02:21] Chibi     Here. [02:22] Iyami     Next, me will eat it this way! [02:24] Chibi     Here! [02:26] Iyami     Hup! [02:27] Chibi     Here! [02:28] Iyami     Me is going for it! [02:40] Lady     How disgusting. [02:43] Lady     Isn't he ashamed of himself? [02:44] Iyami     Shut up, you old hags! [02:52] Kiku     Would anyone like any flowers?     I have flowers. [02:56] Kiku     Would you like any? [03:02] Kiku     I-I'm so sorry! [03:06] Iyami     Hey, you. [03:09] Iyami     Are you blind? [03:11] Kiku     Oh... Yes. [03:19] Iyami     This is all of them. [03:21] Kiku     Thank you! [03:26] Kiku     Say, mister. Will you buy some flowers? [03:30] Iyami     How much are they? [03:32] Kiku     One is five yen. [03:33] Iyami     Five yen... The one me     picked up earlier is... [03:39] Iyami     Me will give you this 50 yen,     so give me change. SIGN    Five Yen [03:44] Kiku     I don't have any change... [03:47] Kiku     I haven't been able to sell any yet today,     so I don't have any money... [03:52] Iyami     Oh, me doesn't need any change, then! [03:54] Iyami     You can just have it. [03:55] Kiku     Really? [03:56] Iyami     Yeah, totally. [04:01] Kiku     Thank you! You're a nice person, mister. [04:05] Iyami     N... [04:06] Iyami     Nice person? [04:08] Iyami     Sheeeh! No one's ever said that to me before! [04:17] Kiku     Mister? [04:18] Iyami     Oh, it's nothing! Out of curiosity,     why are you selling these flowers? [04:30] Iyami     I see... [04:32] Iyami     Must've been rough. [04:34] Kiku     Both my mom and my dad died then. [04:50] Iyami     What a cruel world. [04:52] Iyami     Well, good luck. [04:54] Kiku     Wait! [04:57] Kiku     I want to give you another one to thank you. [05:03] Iyami     She sure has it rough for a kid. [05:08] Jerk     Watch where you're going, you jerk! [05:13] Iyami     Are you okay? Are you hurt? [05:15] Kiku     The flowers... My flowers... [05:18] Kiku     I'm so sorry... And you just     picked them up for me, too... [05:25] Iyami     Don't worry about picking them up. [05:28] Kiku     Huh? [05:29] Iyami     You should come with me. [05:32] Iyami     Me is also poor, but from now on,     me will be on your side! [05:36] Iyami     Problem solved! [05:51] Iyami     What's your name, little girl? [05:53] Kiku     It's Kiku. [05:55] Iyami     Okiku-chan. What a pure name. [05:58] Kiku     What about you, mister? [05:59] Iyami     It's Iyami. [06:01] Kiku     What do you look like? [06:06] Iyami     A very handsome gentleman. [06:09] Both     You? [06:12] Iyami     Shoo! Shoo, shoo! [06:16] Deka     I see. [06:19] Deka     With the proper treatment,     her eyes will recover just fine. [06:24] Deka     But the task is too great for me. [06:26] Deka     However, there is hope! [06:29] Deka     But I forgot what that hope was. [06:33] Deka     I'm just kidding! [06:35] Deka     There's only one way to cure     this little girl's eyes! [06:38] Deka     You need to get the help of     the famous American doctor [06:41] Deka     who's visiting Japan right now, Dr. Kershaw. [06:43] Deka     He might be able to use the latest     technology from his homeland to help you. [06:50] Deka     But that's going to cost a fortune. [06:54] Deka     Do you have money? [06:59] Iyami     L-Leave it to me! [07:03] Kiku     Mister! [07:06] Guy     All right, all you losers out there. [07:09] Guy     Did someone important     yell at you again today? SIGN    Chibita Pro Wrestling [07:12] Guy     The bloody death match of Chibita     Pro Wresting is about to begin. [07:16] Guy     If you can defeat this ultimate wrestler     Chibita-san chose himself, [07:18] Guy     you can win one million yen! [07:22] Guy     But we haven't had a single victor yet. [07:24] Guy     When will someone appear     to break that record? [07:27] Guy     And our contender tonight is... [07:31] Guy     this man! [07:35] Chibi     Yeah, that guy's dead. SIGN    Prize Money [07:38] Six     Yeah, he is. [07:40] Kiku     You can do it, mister! [07:43] Kiku     Don't lose, mister! [07:47] Chibi     Wh-Who's that cutie? [07:50] Chibi     Hey! Who is she, you idjits?! [07:52] Chibi     And why is she cheering     for a loser like that? [07:56] Chibi     What's their relationship?! [07:56] Kiku     You can do it! [07:59] Guy     And it's begun! [08:03] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:07] Iyami     Sheh! Sh-Sh-Sheh! [08:14] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:28] Guy     And there you have it. [08:32] Iyami     Special technique... [08:34] Iyami     Sheeeh Hold! [08:38] Guy     Oh, it looks like the tables have turned! [08:40] Guy     Is he going to give up?     Will Iyami finally win the one million? [08:45] Kiku     Mister! [08:47] Chibi     Give me that! [08:48] Chibi     You pauper! Who do you think you are?! [08:53] Iyami     My eyes! My eyes! [08:55] Iyami     My eyes! [09:05] Guy     And this time, the match is over for good. [09:10] Iyami     Me is so mad! Me was so close! [09:14] Iyami     That stupid runt! [09:16] Deka     You just hit my head. [09:18] Iyami     Me can't see! [09:21] Kiku     Don't worry about me anymore, mister. [09:25] Iyami     You can't give up. [09:27] Kiku     Huh? [09:28] Iyami     Me now fully understands your pain. [09:33] Iyami     Me will cure your eyes, no matter what. [09:37] Deka     That's me. [09:38] ---     Thank you, mister! [09:40] ---     That's me. SIGN    Fruit SIGN    Starving Town SIGN    Starving Town SIGN    Fruit [09:49] ---     Sheeeh! [09:50] Guy     Iyami is actually... [09:52] ---     Sheeeh! [09:53] Lady     ...working?! [09:55] ---     Sheeeh! [09:56] Guy     He's doing actual work?! [09:59] People     Sheeeh! [10:01] Toto     I guess you just never know. [10:04] Toto     Because that failure met that little girl,     he actually became a decent person. [10:08] Guy     That's amazing... I'm impressed. [10:12] Chibi     The hell's so great about that? [10:14] Chibi     Like he could ever earn the money     for her treatment doing that. [10:17] Chibi     The one who's going to cure that girl's     eyes is me, the filthy rich Chibita! [10:21] Six     You got it, bro! [10:27] Kiku     I don't want it. [10:29] Chibi     Wh-Why?! [10:30] Chibi     I really like you, so I want you     to use it however you want! [10:36] Kiku     My beloved Uncle Iyami is going to fix my eyes. [10:40] Oso     Hey, come on, now. [10:43] Oso     You're just going to ignore Bro's kindness? [10:46] Choro     Not to mention, Chibita-san's     way better than that poor— [10:49] Chibi     Knock it off! [10:52] Chibi     You actually believe in that guy? [10:57] Kiku     Yes. [11:01] Chibi     Sorry for wasting your time. [11:04] Chibi     Come on, fellas. [11:05] Ichi     Wait, are you sure? [11:07] Choro     Chibita-san! [11:08] Jyu     Bro! SIGN    No     Trespassing SIGN    Ramen [12:07] Iyami     M-Me has now worked enough for a lifetime... [12:13] Iyami     Now me doesn't have to work ever again. [12:17] Iyami     Aren't you jealous? [12:22] Kiku     Mister... [12:24] Iyami     Use it. [12:28] Kiku     Thank you... [12:29] Kiku     Thank you so much! [12:35] Deka     I-It's not enough... [12:38] Deka     Considering your physical condition,     I'm going to be honest. [12:43] Deka     This is nowhere near enough     to cure Okiku-chan's eyes. [12:51] Deka     Even if I contribute my life savings... [12:55] Deka     I received a message earlier. [12:57] Deka     Dr. Kershaw will be leaving     Japan tomorrow night. [13:03] Deka     So it's... [13:11] Kiku     Mister— [13:12] Deka     Hey! [13:13] Deka     You can't push yourself any further! [13:24] Iyami     Lend me some money, please! Me needs money! [13:30] Iyami     Me begs you! [13:32] Iyami     Help us! Please! [13:34] Son     Dad... [13:34] Iyami     Anybody, please! Help us! [13:37] Lady     It's not like I can do anything... [13:40] Iyami     Me is sorry for everything!     Me is really sorry! [13:44] Iyami     So, please! Me needs money! [13:50] Iyami     Me wants money! SIGN    Chibita Building [14:13] All     Bro! SIGN    Starving Town SIGN    Fruit [14:33] Oso     Who has time for this? [14:35] Ichi     Not me! [14:36] Choro     That stupid runt!     Always treating us like trash. [14:40] Choro     Apparently he's coming to town     with a ton of money again tonight. [14:43] Todo     A ton of money? [14:45] Choro     Yeah. One million, he said. [14:46] Both     One million?! [14:48] Choro     I hope someone just robs him blind! [14:51] Ichi     He's so tiny that if someone robbed him, [14:52] Ichi     they could probably run     off with the money quick! [14:54] Todo     True! [14:57] Todo     Hey, when's he coming by? [15:00] Choro     Oh, I think he said... [15:11] Iyami     M-Money... G-Give me your money... [15:15] Chibi     Hey. [15:15] Six     Yes? [15:17] Chibi     He's not attacking at all. [15:19] Chibi     The heck's going on? [15:21] Ichi     He's really scared. [15:22] ---     Totally scared. [15:23] Iyami     Y-Your money... [15:24] Todo     Hey... [15:25] Todo     Wouldn't it have been easier to just     give him the money, Chibita-san? [15:29] Chibi     You idjit! There'd be no point then! [15:32] Chibi     Okiku-chan wants him to cure her eyes! [15:35] Chibi     Osomatsu, go. [15:36] Oso     What?! [15:37] Chibi     We'll never get anywhere at this rate. [15:40] chibi     Put on some act so he can     easily take this money. [15:44] Oso     What? Seriously? [15:48] Iyami     G-Give me your money! [15:50] Oso     A robber! [15:52] Oso     I'm scared! No! [15:54] Chibi     How bad are you?! [15:55] Jyu     A robber! I'm not gonna fight back! [15:59] Jyu     He can take all my money! [16:00] Chibi     You suck! [16:02] Kara     I give up. Just take this money     and cure Okiku-chan's eyes. [16:06] Chibi     You're not supposed to say that, you idjit! [16:09] All     We're surrounded by idiots! [16:11] Chibi     Oh, forget this! [16:15] Chibi     Y-You got me! [16:17] Six     You got us! [16:25] Chibi     Okay, good. Now... [16:30] Chibi     He's already... [16:36] Police     What's wrong? [16:36] Chibi     It's the fuzz! [16:39] All     Oh, crap! [16:42] Guy     Th-That money! Did you... [16:45] All     No, no, no, no, no! [16:47] All     You've got the wrong idea! [16:49] Popo     There's a robber! [16:51] All     You've got it all wrong! [16:55] Popo     Stay back! [16:57] Popo     Leave this to us! [17:01] Chibi     H-How did it end up like this? Damn it! [17:05] Chibi     Someone save us! [17:14] Guy     You again?! [17:15] Guy     How dare you go... [17:16] Guy     ...stealing other people's stuff again?! [17:18] Toto     We're going to get you this time! [17:20] All     Iyami! [17:25] Popo     No, uh, it's okay now. We caught the robber. [17:33] Popo     H-Hey... [17:34] Guy     Just one moment. He's been a     nuisance to us for a long time! [17:38] Lady     Let us get him back! [17:40] Popo     What are you— [17:41] Dayon     He dropped something. [17:43] Popo     Deal with that later. [17:45] Popo     It stinks! [17:46] Hata     Have some candy, jo. [17:47] Popo     Move! [17:48] Toto     You're so cute. Let's go on a date. [17:51] Popo     Hey... [17:51] Guy     Iyami! [18:03] Chibi     E-Everyone... [18:08] Todo     Iyami! [18:10] Jyushi     You have to hurry! [18:11] Kara     The doctor from America is     leaving on the train, isn't he? [18:13] Oso     We can go deliver this money— [18:16] Chibi     No! [18:18] Chibi     Hey, get up. [18:20] Chibi     Run! Okiku-chan's waiting     for you at the station! [18:29] Chibi     The hell?! You idjit! [18:30] Chibi     You promised her, didn't you?! [18:51] Iyami     Sheeeh! [19:03] Iyami     The money's mine! Sheeeh! [19:06] All     Iyami! [19:17] Popo     There he is! [19:18] Popo     Hold it! [19:39] ---     Halt! SIGN    Some Years Later SIGN    Sunrise Cafeteria SIGN    No Trespassing SIGN    Iyami SIGN    Iyami Flower Boutique SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:39] Ichi     You guys know this, don't you? [23:41] Ichi     You're not supposed to     give chocolate to cats. [23:43] Ichi     This is really important. [23:45] Ichi     But you know... [23:46] Ichi     No one ever said you can't     give me any chocolates. SIGN    "Ventriloquism" "Valentine's Day" etc. [23:50] Ichi     Well? [23:51] Ichi     Well? Well?! E19 - President Dekapan / Ventriloquism / Valentine's Day Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:04] Crowd     Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! SIGN    Dekapan [00:09] Crowd     Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! Dekapan! [00:12] Deka     I did it! I became the president! [00:17] Deka     I never thought I'd actually win. [00:21] Deka     I guess running in an election on a whim     is worth trying now and then. SIGN    Dekapan [00:25] Deka     I'm the new president, Dekapan. SIGN    "President Dekapan" [00:35] Todo     Listen, President Dekapan. [00:37] Todo     This isn't the time to be so merry. [00:39] Todo     Being president means the people will     expect you to carry out their wishes. [00:44] Todo     Then there's the prosperity of our nation,     good relations with other countries... [00:47] Todo     Not to mention keeping     an eye on world affairs. [00:51] Todo     Listen very carefully, Mr. President.     Politics is basically a vessel. [00:55] Todo     Let me remind you again that     popularity is everything. [00:55] Sign     Top Secret [00:58] Todo     But that doesn't just mean     you have to be likable. [01:01] Todo     You need to have a broad perspective. [01:04] Todo     Please listen! I'll say this one more time! [01:06] Todo     Just because you became president, [01:08] Todo     this isn't the time to be so merry! [01:12] Todo     Are you listening, Mr. President?! [01:14] Todo     I mean, and let me say this     again about politics... [01:17] Todo     Again, again, this isn't     the time to be merry! [01:21] Todo     Being president means [01:23] Todo     the people will expect you     to carry out their wishes. [01:25] Todo     Then there's the prosperity of our nation     and good relations with other countries, [01:29] Todo     not to mention keeping     an eye on world affairs... [01:33] Todo     Are you listening, Mr. President?! [01:35] Todo     What are you doing, Mr. President?! [01:36] Deka     What's that button for? [01:38] Todo     It does absolutely nothing. [01:40] Deka     I want to push it. [01:41] Todo     Absolutely not! [01:43] Todo     This button is just meant to be here. [01:45] Todo     Its sole purpose is to be here. [01:48] Deka     But I'm so curious. [01:50] Deka     I wanna push it. [01:52] Deka     Please? [01:56] Todo     All right, I get it. [01:58] Todo     Please just settle for this toy button. [02:08] Deka     This is so calming. [02:13] Todo     I guess you can be pretty cute     sometimes, Mr. President. [02:19] Todo     I said no! [02:20] Deka     I wanna push it! [02:21] Todo     No! [02:21] Deka     Wanna push! Wanna push the button! [02:25] Deka     Let me push it! [02:29] Todo     You dumbass! [02:36] Todo     You can't be serious. Who the hell     picked this guy to be president? [02:40] Deka     Is there no way you'll let me push it? [02:42] Todo     No means no! [02:42] Deka     Okay, I won't push it. But let me at     least lick the very top of the button. [02:48] Todo     The hell?! What are you talking about? [02:51] Deka     Just the top. [02:52] Todo     Just the top? [02:58] Todo     Oh, all right. [03:04] Deka     This is so calming. [03:08] Todo     This is disturbing. [03:11] Deka     I-I can't hold back anymore! [03:16] Todo     I told you no, you cueball!     You freak in underwear! [03:19] Deka     Just once! [03:21] Todo     And that once would end everything! [03:23] Deka     Let me push it! [03:24] Todo     No! [03:25] Deka     Let me do it! [03:25] Todo     No! [03:26] Deka     Just let me do it once! [03:27] Todo     No! Seriously, who the hell     elected you president?! [03:32] Both     Oh. [03:41] Todo     Aw... There it goes. [03:44] Deka     I didn't get to push it. [03:50] Todo     Aw... And now it's coming back. [03:53] Deka     I really wanted to push it. SIGN    End SIGN    Ventriloquism [05:30] Iyami     Come one, come all! SIGN    Ventriloquism     Show [05:34] Iyami     We have a super fun     ventriloquism show for you! [05:37] Kid     What's that? [05:42] Iyami     Let's start off with introductions. [05:44] Chibi     My name's Chibisuke! [05:46] Hata     My name's Hatarou. [05:49] Chibi     And the two of us are... [05:50] Both     Chibihata-chan. [05:52] Chib     Nice to meet ya. [05:53] Hata     Nice to meet you, jo. [05:56] Kid     That's amazing! [05:57] Kid     That guy's mouth isn't moving at all! [05:59] Kid     It's perfect ventriloquism! SIGN    Viewing fee [06:03] Chib     So easy, you idjits!     They totally fell for it. [06:06] Iyami     Children are the easiest to fool. [06:10] Hata     Ventriloquism is so fun, jo. [06:16] Chib     Hey, Hatarou-kun. [06:18] Hata     What is it, Chibisuke-kun? [06:20] Chib     What's your favorite food, Hatarou-kun? [06:23] Hata     Um... [06:24] Iyami     Oh, don't you like oden, Hatarou-kun? [06:28] Chib     Oden, huh? [06:30] Chib     Wait, that's mine. Get it right. [06:33] ---     Sheeeh! [06:35] Iyami     That hurt! Why'd you hit me, Hatarou-kun? [06:39] Hata     I'm not the one who hit you, jo. [06:42] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:44] Iyami     This is so confusing. [06:46] Iyami     Who's who, and who's talking right now? [06:50] Both     It's all you. [06:52] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:54] Iyami     Oh, that's right. SIGN    Viewing fee [07:02] Jyu     This is awesome! [07:04] Chib     We're gonna have yakiniku tonight! [07:06] Iyami     Don't forget the     all-you-can-drink beverages. [07:08] Chib     We'll add in dessert... [07:09] Iyami     ...and some bathing beauties. [07:12] Hata     Ventriloquism is so fun, jo. [07:14] Hata     Jo! [07:16] Hata     Jo, jo, jo... Jo... [07:19] Hata     I gotta pee, jo. [07:21] Iyami     Sheeeh! [07:23] Iyami     What?! [07:24] Hata     I'm gonna pee! [07:25] Iyami     J-J-Just hold it.     We're in the middle of a show. [07:29] Chibi     Now that you mention it... [07:34] Chibi     Now I need to poop, too. [07:37] Iyami     Sheeeh! Just hold it! [07:41] Chibi     It's coming! It's coming! [07:43] Iyami     Hey! [07:47] Hata     Jo... [07:52] Chibi     The hell... [07:55] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh... [07:57] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh... [07:59] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:02] Kid     That's awesome! [08:03] Kid     Did they all just speak at once? [08:03] Bg     Amazing! [08:05] Kid     I've never seen anything like this! [08:11] Oil     Oh, you look like you're having fun. [08:16] Kid     Hey, it's an oil magnate! [08:19] Oil     Sorry to keep you waiting.     I'm the Oil Magnate. [08:22] Oil     Mr. Ventriloquist... Please display     those amazing skills at my party. [08:27] Oil     I will pay you handsomely. SIGN    Viewing fee [08:31] All     Sheeeh! [08:34] Chibi     All right! You idjits! Damn it! [08:35] Hata     This is mine, jo! [08:37] Iyami     Sheeeh! It belongs to me! [08:39] Chibi     Let go! [08:40] Hata     It's mine, jo. [08:41] Iyami     Whose idea do you think this was?! [08:43] Chibi     You didn't even do anything! [08:45] Hata     Mine! [08:55] Three     Yeah! [08:56] Kid     Who do you think you're messing with?! [09:01] Jyu     Damn it! They tricked me! SIGN    End SIGN    "Valentine's Day" SIGN    February [10:40] Girl     Did you make reservations for today? [10:42] Girl2     Yeah. This place is super popular,     so it wasn't easy. [10:46] Girl     Thanks for doing that. [10:51] Oso     It's finally here... Valentine's Day. [10:55] Oso     Well, it's not like I want     chocolate that bad, anyway. [10:59] Oso     Right, Choromatsu? [11:01] Choro     Of course I don't want any.     We're adults now. [11:04] Choro     It's not like I'd get all excited about     chocolate, nor do I like it that much. SIGN    A lifestyle magazine for guys who want to graduate someday SIGN    Collector's Issue SIGN    Complete list of jackets to make you popular SIGN    Just before Valentine's Day Special!! [11:09] Choro     I mean, we can just buy     some chocolate anytime. [11:13] Jyu     Well said! [11:14] Ichi     Wow, you're so calm. [11:16] Kara     Don't make me fall for you, brother! [11:21] Oso     We don't need chocolate at our age, anyway. [11:24] All     Nope, we don't. [11:26] Oso     We don't want any, right? [11:27] All     Nope! [11:31] Ichi     So, what about you, Todomatsu? [11:32] Todo     Hmm? [11:33] Ichi     You haven't said a word.     Do you want chocolate? [11:38] Todo     Of course I want some. SIGN    News on How to Be Popular     You'll definitely be popular if you read this!     How to definitely get 5 Valentine's chocolates [11:40] Todo     True, I don't get excited about chocolate,     nor do I like it that much... SIGN    You definitely want to get chocolates from girls on Valentine's Day, but the reality is it's hard for loser guys to get any chocolate. [11:46] Todo     And I can buy it whenever I want. [11:48] Todo     But who doesn't want to get chocolates     from a cute girl on Valentine's Day? [11:56] Todo     H-Huh... What? [11:58] Oso     Just say that you don't want any chocolate. [12:01] Todo     Huh? What do you mean? [12:03] Oso     I'm saying... [12:05] Oso     We were all just saying how     we don't want any chocolate [12:08] Oso     to avoid thinking about the cruel reality. [12:10] Oso     This is like group self-defense. [12:12] Todo     What are you talking about? [12:13] Todo     Wait, then don't you guys want     chocolates on Valentine's Day? [12:17] Five     Of course we do! [12:18] Kara     Totty! We want some so bad,     we'd be willing to die for it! [12:21] Kara     That's why we're like this! SIGN    Choromatsu Choco [12:22] Choro     I even want to change my name     from Choromatsu to Chocomatsu! [12:25] Jyu     Chocomatsu! [12:26] Todo     Huh? [12:27] Sign     Today's question:     How do you get     Valentine's Day chocolates? SIGN    Third issue:     We ask our graduated     senpai Shouei! SIGN    "Now's the time to let it all out." [12:28] Oso     All right, that's it. [12:30] Oso     We'll never get any chocolates this way. [12:34] Oso     So I'm... going to go outside. [12:37] All     Go outside?! [12:37] Oso     I'm going to go outside and get     some chocolate from some girl. [12:41] Oso     I'm definitely going to get some this year! [12:46] Todo     Me, too! [12:47] Todo     I'm going to go outside, too,     and get some chocolates! [12:50] Choro     I'll go outside, too. [12:51] Jyushi     Me, too! [12:52] Kara     And me! [12:54] Oso     Ichimatsu. [12:57] Ichi     All right. [12:58] Ichi     Let's go out this Valentine's Day. [13:03] Kara     How about that? We're definitely     different this year! [13:07] Oso     All right. Let's see who can     get some chocolates first! [13:11] Oso     Go! [13:12] Todo     Wait, Osomatsu-niisan! [13:15] Ichi     No fair getting a head start. [13:17] Jyu     I'm not gonna lose! [13:19] Kara     I'm gonna get some chocolates! [13:20] Choro     Let's give it our all! [13:28] All     I'm definitely not going to lose! [13:40] Guy     Really? [13:57] Choro     We went outside... [13:59] Choro     But how are we supposed to get chocolates? [14:04] All     Oh, yeah! [14:06] All     Please! Give us some chocolates! [14:08] Toto     Please! I can't! [14:10] All     Please! Give us some chocolates! [14:12] Toto     I can't! [14:13] All     Chocolates! [14:14] Toto     Can't! [14:15] All     Chocolates! [14:15] Toto     Get a clue! [14:16] All     Chocolates! [14:16] Toto     Get a clue! [14:18] All     Chocolates! [14:19] Toto     Go home, you dumbasses! [14:21] All     Chocolates! SIGN    Uochuu SIGN    Valentine's Specials [14:36] Oso     M-Mom... C-Could you... [14:40] Kara     I-It's all over if we rely on Mother... [14:52] Girl     This is cute! [14:53] Girl     Yeah, it is! [14:58] Girl     This is homemade, so I don't     know how good it is, but... [15:02] Jyu     Bring it on! Bring it on! SIGN    Aida SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee SIGN    Sachiko SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee SIGN    Chocolate Wanted SIGN    You can't have my cat SIGN    Chocolate desired SIGN    Chocolate     wanted [15:40] Oso     Guys, how'd it go? Did you get any? [15:51] Kara     Damn it! [15:53] Todo     Damn it all! [15:55] Oso     I didn't get any again this year! [15:57] Jyu     Am I a monk or what?! [15:58] Kara     I seriously don't understand... I'm so cool. [16:01] Choro     All the girls in this world are stupid! [16:04] Ichi     Why did we even have any hope? [16:07] Ichi     Punishment! [16:10] Jyu     Ch-Chocolate... I want chocolate... Chocolate... [16:15] Jyu     Chocolate... chocolate... [16:15] Todo     Jyushimatsu-niisan? [16:16] Todo     That's not chocolate! That's dog shit! [16:18] Jyush     Chocolate! Chocolate... Chocolate! [16:20] Todo     That's dog shit! It's dog shit! [16:28] Oso     I'm... not giving up yet. [16:31] Oso     I'm definitely going to get     some chocolate this year. [17:07] Six     So cute! [17:09] ---     It is cute. [17:12] Six     We did it! [17:15] Six     Yeah! [17:17] Six     It's done! [17:18] Jyu     Huge success! [17:26] Kara     Choromatsu. [17:28] Kara     Today's Valentine's Day. [17:31] Kara     Here. [17:32] Choro     What? For me? [17:34] Kara     Yeah. [17:35] Kara     I'm so much more confident because I have     an uncool younger brother like you. [17:42] Kara     Thanks for everything. [17:45] Choro     You didn't have to. [17:46] Jyushi     Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! [17:48] Ichi     Jyushimatsu. [17:50] Ichi     Here. [17:51] Jyu     What?! For me?! [17:53] Ichi     In our daily boring, uneventful lives as NEETS, [17:57] Ichi     it's refreshing to have a     psypath like you around. [18:00] Ichi*     Thanks for everything. [18:02] Jyu     You didn't have to. [18:05] Oso     Ichimatsu. [18:08] Ichi     For a guy like me?! [18:09] Oso     I'm pretty sure you'll never end up happier     than me in life, which puts me at ease. [18:16] Oso     Thanks. [18:19] Ichi     Thanks... [18:20] Jyu     Karamatsu-niisan. [18:22] Kara     Wow, wow, wow! [18:24] Jyu     I'm really stupid, [18:25] Jyu     but I'm pretty sure you're a     hundred times dumber than me! [18:30] Jyu     Thanks! [18:31] Kara     Oh, stop it. [18:33] Choro     Hey, you, Trashmatsu. [18:36] Oso     Finally! [18:38] Choro     When are you going to die?     I'm waiting, you know. [18:40] Oso     You're too kind. [18:42] Todo     Hey, Totty! [18:44] Todo     What is it, Totty? [18:46] Todo     Here. [18:47] Todo     What? For me?! [18:49] Todo     Thank you for always being so cute. [18:51] Todo     You're so honest! Everyone loves you! [18:54] Todo     I love you. [18:55] Todo     I love you, too. [18:58] Oso     Well, let's dig in! [19:00] All     Let's dig in! [19:04] Choro     So good! [19:06] Jyu     Yum! [19:07] Todo     I'm in heaven! [19:10] Oso     This is the best! [19:12] Oso     Man, thank goodness! We actually     got chocolates this year. [19:17] All     Yeah! [19:18] Oso     We're so popular! [19:19] Five     Yeah! [19:20] Todo     Thank goodness! [19:29] Todo     Thanks! [19:31] Choro     I'm finally Chocomatsu! [19:32] Jyu     So sweet! [19:34] Ichi     It is. [19:37] Six     So sweet! [19:38] Six     This is the best! [19:47] Oso     You're gross! [19:49] Choro     You're super gross! [19:50] Todo     This is too tragic! [19:51] Ichi     Don't look down on me, you bastard! [19:53] Jyu     Like you can talk! [19:55] Kara     Like you can talk! [19:55] Jyu     Boeh! [20:16] Jyu     Are there any guys with chocolate here? [20:19] Five     Anyone? [20:21] Person     They're currently 40% off... [20:23] Jyu     Are there any guys selling chocolate? [20:26] Five     Anyone? [20:28] Jyu     Are there any guys that'll     sell us chocolate? [20:31] Five     Are there? SIGN    Cote d'Ivoire [20:48] Jyu     Kill the cacao! [20:50] Five     Kill it! [20:52] All     Kill them all! [20:54] Oso     Die, cacao! [20:56] Kara     Die, cacao! [20:57] Choro     Take that! [21:01] Todo     Chocolate should just     disappear from this world! [21:04] Jyu     Die, cacao! [21:06] Five     Die, cacao! [21:08] Jyu     Die! [21:08] Five     Die! [21:10] Six     Die, die, die! SIGN    End [22:45] Choro     We ended up with extra time again.     What the heck? [22:50] Choro     Well, let's do this. [22:52] Choro     Wait, it's these two? [22:54] Toto     Totoko... [22:55] Nya     ...and Nyaa's... [22:56] Both     ...delivery skit! [22:57] Both     The Story of Snow White That     Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere. SIGN    Delivery Skit     The Story of Snow White     That Doesn't Actually Get Anywhere [23:04] Toto     Now, I'm going to ask this     mirror some stupid questions! [23:09] Toto     Mirror, mirror on the wall,     who's the cutest of them all? [23:14] Nya     That'd be Snow White. [23:16] Toto     Huh? [23:17] Nya     Snow White. Not you. [23:19] Toto     Huh?! You've got some guts! [23:21] Toto     You better watch that mouth!     Who the hell's the cutest girl in this world?! [23:26] Nya     I just told you, it's Snow White! [23:28] Toto     I just asked you who that is! [23:29] Nya     Snow White! [23:30] Toto     Who?! [23:31] Nya     Snow White! [23:32] Toto     Who?! [23:33] Nya     Snow White! [23:34] Nya     This story's never gonna get anywhere     if you can't accept that! [23:38] Toto     Like I care, you dumbass! [23:40] Choro     Wait, wait, wait, wait... [23:41] Choro     Totoko-chan! [23:43] Choro     Nyaa-chan! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Tidbits Collection 2" E20 - Tidbits Collection 2 Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:05] Ann     And now, what you've all been waiting for! [00:07] Ann     I wonder what's going to happen tonight. [00:09] Ann     The TV anime, Mr. Osomatsu! [00:13] Iya     Good evening, everyone! [00:15] Crowd     Good evening! [00:17] Iya     It's time for the anime, Mr. Osomatsu! [00:21] All     Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh! [00:23] All     Sheeeh! [00:27] Iya     You're all on point tonight. [00:31] Iya     Now, here's tonight's guest: Dayon-san. [00:35] Dayon     I'm looking forward to it. [00:36] ---     Thanks for being here. [00:38] Iya     All right, let's get things going! Roll the clip! [00:43] All     Sheeeh! SIGN    "Matsu Buns" [02:18] Chibi     Meat buns! They're hot and delicious! SIGN    Hybrid          Meat Buns          Cards Accepted [02:22] Chibi     Try one! [02:24] Chibi     Oden's great, but you need to     have meat buns once in a while. [02:27] Chibi     But they're no ordinary meat buns... [02:30] Chibi     I heard they sell, so I did     a little collaboration. [02:36] Chibi     Ta-da! Sextuplet buns! [02:41] Chibi     What? No one's interested? [02:45] Chibi     The heck? This isn't what I heard. [02:49] Chibi     Guess they're not as popular anymore, idjits. [02:53] Chibi     Nah, it's too early to give up.     You've gotta take a look inside. [02:59] Chibi     First, there's Oso-bun. Ta-da! [03:04] Chibi     It's filled with beer.     It tastes super weird. [03:07] Chibi     Ichi-bun! Ta-da! [03:11] Chibi     It's filled with poison.     If you eat it, you'll die instantly. [03:14] Chibi     Jyushi-bun! Ta-da! [03:17] Chibi     The universe. Eat it,     and you'll be baked instantly. [03:20] Chibi     Kara-bun! Ta-da! [03:23] Chibi     There's nothing inside. [03:25] Chibi     Todo-bun! Ta-da! [03:27] Chibi     It's also empty! [03:28] Chibi     Choro! [03:29] Chibi     Nothing! [03:35] Chibi     Who in the hell... [03:37] Chibi     is going to buy meat buns     like these, you idjits?! SIGN    End [03:39] Chibi     You shitty NEETs! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Tax Return" [03:57] Jyu     What are you doing, Choromatsu-niisan? [04:00] Choro     I'm filing my taxes. [04:02] Jyu     Huh? [04:09] Jyu     What'cha doin'? [04:11] Choro     I told you, I'm filing my taxes. SIGN    All You Need to Do Your Taxes [04:13] Jyu     You're filing your taxes? [04:15] Choro     You have to do them around     this time of year. [04:17] Choro     We're unemployed NEETs,     so we have to at least file our taxes. [04:21] Choro     It's embarrassing if you don't. [04:24] Jyu     Filing your taxes... [04:26] Jyu     What does that mean again? [04:27] Choro     You don't know?! [04:29] Jyu     Yeah, I think I should know what it is,     but I'm getting confused. [04:33] Choro     Honestly, you're so helpless. [04:34] Choro     When you file your taxes,     you do something taxing, then file it. [04:38] Jyu     Huh? [04:39] Choro     First, you do something taxing,     and then you file it. [04:44] Jyu     Huh? [04:44] Choro     I looked into it.     There's a white form, a blue form, SIGN    Heisei Year 29 Green Form [04:50] Choro     and, in my case, I use this green form. [04:53] Choro     Man, things just don't seem     to be adding up, though. [04:56] Choro     I just want to hurry up and file this. [04:58] Choro     We're adults now,     so we have to do these properly. [05:01] Choro     I mean, we don't have jobs,     so we should at least do this. [05:05] Choro     I'm so responsible. So great. [05:07] Choro     All right, I'm gonna go ahead     and get these taxes filed. [05:11] Choro     I'm so responsible! So proper! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Karapino" [05:21] Guy     Karapino. [05:23] Guy     Once upon a time, at a certain toy store,     there was a boy doll named Karapino. SIGN    Toy Store [05:30] Guy     Karapino was very proud of his nose,     and he had a very unique feature. SIGN    Toy Store [05:38] Guy     And that was... [05:40] Girl     Oh, a doll. [05:42] Girl     How cute! [05:50] Guy     Whenever Karapino got too excited,     his branch down below would grow. SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Wallet" [06:03] Oso     What the...? [06:05] Oso     My wallet's missing! [06:06] Oso     It's gone! The wallet I put right here is gone! [06:09] Todo     What? I haven't seen it. [06:11] Oso     I had 30,000 in there from     winning at pachinko yesterday! [06:15] All     What?! [06:17] Ichi     30,000?! [06:18] Jyu     That much? [06:22] Oso     One of you took it, didn't you? [06:23] All     Huh? [06:24] Oso     You took my wallet, didn't you?! [06:26] Oso     Who was it? Fess up! [06:27] Choro     Wait, calm down. No one took it. [06:30] Oso     Yes, you did! [06:31] Choro     We didn't. [06:32] Oso     You did! [06:32] Choro     And I'm telling you, we didn't. [06:34] Oso     You liar! I mean, if I found a wallet with     30,000 in it, I'd definitely take it! [06:40] Choro     Don't compare us to you, you dumbass! [06:43] Oso     That's enough. Just be     honest and come forward. [06:46] Oso     I won't get mad. [06:47] Oso     Who took it? [06:56] Oso     Is that your ploy? [06:59] Oso     So you're all going to play dumb,     and split the money later. [07:03] Oso     That's so cruel!     I'm so disappointed in you guys! [07:05] Oso     If I'd taken it, I'd honestly say I did it! [07:09] Oso     You guys suck! [07:11] Oso     You guys aren't my brothers anymore! [07:13] Oso     Are you listening, you heartless     bastards?! You scum! [07:15] Oso     This is exactly why no one gives you     Valentine's chocolates! You idiots! [07:18] Oso     Morons! Die, you morons! [07:21] Oso     Morons! [07:22] Kara     Osomatsu! [07:23] Oso     What?! [07:24] Kara     Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... [07:26] Oso     What?! [07:26] Kara     It's in your back pocket. [07:28] Oso     Huh?! [07:29] Kara     It's in your back pocket... [07:31] Oso     Wha? [07:36] Oso     I had it all along! [07:38] Oso     And I said terrible things     to those innocent bastards! [07:42] Oso     Oh, shit... [07:43] Kara     The hell are you doing?! [07:45] Oso     Well, if the tables were turned,     I'd totally take the wallet! [07:49] Oso     I totally thought you guys took it! [07:51] Kara     Osomatsu, we're not like you. [07:53] Oso     You say that so calmly, but... [07:56] Todo     Osomatsu-niisan. [07:58] Todo     Here. [08:00] Todo     You can have this. [08:01] Todo     I didn't take your wallet, but I feel bad. [08:05] Oso     No, no, no! It's okay! [08:06] Oso     I can't take this. [08:08] Todo     Don't be shy. [08:10] Ichi     Me, too. [08:10] Oso     Huh? [08:12] Ichi     You can have my life savings. [08:15] Oso     No, really, it's okay! Give me a break! [08:18] Choro     You can sell part of my     collection to a pawn shop. [08:21] Oso     Have mercy! [08:22] Oso     Please! It's okay! [08:24] Jyu     You can sell my glove and bat, too. [08:26] Oso     Stop! [08:28] Oso     I can't take this! My heart hurts! [08:32] Oso     I'm gonna die! Have mercy! [08:33] Oso     Really, it's okay! I'm sorry! [08:36] Oso     I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [08:39] Kara     And you only had 500 yen instead of 30,000! [08:44] Oso     I'm sho shorry! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Pollen" [08:55] Oso     Man, I'm so bored. [08:56] Lady     This week should be mostly sunny. [08:58] Todo     Yeah... [09:00] Lady     Next, we have information regarding pollen. SIGN    How is the Japanese Cedar pollen this year? [09:03] Lady     The pollen this year [09:05] Lady     will be 8,000 times worse than last year. [09:08] Both     8,000 times?! [09:09] Todo     Huh?! [09:21] Jyu     It's coming in! [09:23] Oso     Why is it 8,000 times?!     What the hell's going on, Earth?! [09:28] Choro     Hey! I can't see a thing! [09:30] Choro     Who are you?! [09:31] Ichi     Who are you? [09:32] Choro     I wanna go home! Where's home? [09:33] Ichi     Which way is it? [09:35] Kara     I'm home... [09:56] Jyu     My nose won't stop running. Help me! [10:02] Kara     Crap! My brain's gonna fly out! [10:04] Kara     It actually did! [10:06] Choro     My eyes itch! [10:12] Choro     That's much better! [10:14] Todo     My nose itches! [10:19] Todo     That's much better! [10:20] Oso     My dick itches! [10:24] Todo     I think that's a different sickness. [10:26] Jyu     My nose... My nose won't stop running! [10:33] All     Jyushimatsu! [10:35] Oso     Crap! Jyushimatsu turned into a snot man! [10:37] Todo     He totally turned into a snot man! [10:40] Todo     What the hell?! [10:45] Oso     Yeah, he can't move. You're basically     finished once you end up like that. [10:51] Oso     Yeah, we can't hear you at all.     You're basically finished, bro. [10:57] Choro     Ichimatsu! [11:03] Kara     Choromatsu! [11:06] Todo     Osomatsu-nii— [11:08] Kara     Totty! [11:10] Kara     H-How could this have happened, my brothers? [11:13] Kara     Just wait! I'll save you al— [11:21] Jyu     This might actually be better. [11:25] All     Yeah, it might be. SIGN    End SIGN    "Labyrinth" [11:37] Toto     Huh? A dead end? [11:46] Toto     Another dead end? [11:53] Toto     This is weird. I was just     taking a walk a minute ago... [11:57] Toto     How did I end up in this labyrinth? [11:59] Toto     Did someone kidnap me? [12:01] Toto     Who would do such a thing, and why? [12:07] Toto     Choromatsu-kun! [12:12] Toto     That's not Choromatsu-kun! What is that?! [12:16] Toto     Hatabou! [12:19] Toto     What is this?! [12:22] Toto     No! [12:24] Toto     Someone! Someone save me! [12:27] Toto     Where's the exit? Where is it? [12:30] Toto     S-Someone! Save me! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Jyushimatsu the Raccoon" [13:44] Todo     There aren't any more, okay?! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Todomatsu     Passes On" [13:58] Todo     Say, Karamatsu-niisan. [14:00] Todo     What is all that? [14:01] Todo     Talk about cringe. [14:05] Todo     You're too depressing, Ichimatsu-niisan. [14:10] Todo     What are you doing, Osomatsu-niisan? [14:13] Todo     Jyushimatsu-niisan... [14:15] Todo     What exactly are you trying to do? [14:19] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan, you're gross. [14:22] Todo     It's the middle of the night! [14:24] Todo     Too depressing! [14:25] Todo     Stop! [14:27] Todo     Enough! [14:28] Todo     Seriously! [14:29] Todo     Stop! Stop! [14:32] Todo     Argh! I just keep calling you people out! [14:38] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan! [14:39] Todo     You haven't been calling anyone out,     so I've been stuck doing all of it! [14:41] Todo     I'm done! Let me do stupid     stuff once in a while! [14:43] Todo     I want to derp! I'm going to derp! [14:45] Todo     Okay?! There! [14:52] All     What?! [14:55] Todo     Herpa derp derp. [14:59] Ichi     T-Todomatsu? [15:00] Todo     Derpty doo. [15:02] Choro     Todomatsu? We're sorry. [15:04] Todo     Derp. [15:05] Choro     No, really. We're sorry. [15:07] Todo     Derpa derp. [15:08] Kara     Todomatsu! [15:09] Todo     Derp? [15:11] Five     Todomatsu! [15:13] Todo     Herpa derpa derpity doo. [15:16] Five     Todomatsu! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    Akatsuka Bread [15:25] Guy     Well, hello, kids from Matsuno Kindergarten. SIGN    6th Month of Cleanliness [15:31] Kids     Hello! [15:33] Guy     You'll be touring our bread factory today.     Make sure you pay attention. SIGN    "Field Trip" [15:38] Kids     Okay! [15:40] Guy     Okay, follow me. Make sure     you pay close attention. [15:43] Choro     So cool! [15:45] Todo     So much bread! [15:47] Guy     Make sure you look carefully. [15:49] Kara     Hey! It's the bread we get at snack time! [15:51] Oso     You're right! [15:52] Guy     I hope you learn something. [15:54] Jyu     Wow, so that's how you make it! [15:56] Choro     I had no idea! [15:58] Guy     Look. SIGN    Flour [16:00] Kara     Wow! [16:00] Oso     So cool! SIGN    What is bread made of? -Wheat -Yeast -Water [16:02] Todo     We're learning stuff! SIGN    Yummy Bread SIGN    No Running     in the Factory! [16:14] Kids     Bye-bye! SIGN    Watch out for cars [16:16] Guy     All right, that ends our tour.     Did you all learn how to make bread? [16:21] Kids     Yup! [16:23] Guy     What is bread made out of? [16:25] Kids     Flour! [16:26] Guy     What do you mix into the dough? [16:28] Kids     Yeast! [16:29] Guy     What does croissant mean? [16:31] Kids     Crescent moon! [16:33] Guy     Very good! You got them all right! [16:35] Kids     Yay! [16:38] Kids     Huh? [16:40] Guy     It looks like you kids learned too much. [16:44] Kids     Huh? [16:46] Guy     Now you're going to die. [16:48] Kids     What?! [16:50] Oso     B-But you told us to follow you, mister. [16:54] Guy     There are things you're better     off not knowing in this world. [16:57] Guy     Teaching you that was the     other goal of this field trip. SIGN    End [17:02] Kids     What?! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [17:10] Nar     At times, they're NEETs! SIGN    At times, they're NEETs! [17:13] Nar     At times, they're virgins! SIGN    At times, they're virgins! [17:16] Nar     But their true identities     are the heroes of justice! [17:23] Nar     Today they'll once again get into their     iron Proper-Ranger and defeat evil! [17:28] Oso     Move out! [17:29] All     Absolute Heroes! Proper-Rangers! SIGN    Absolute Heroes     Proper-Rangers SIGN    Proper-Rangers! Move out! [17:39] Todo     So bored... [17:40] Oso     Yeah... [17:54] Iya     Sheeeh! [18:01] Iya     Sheeeh! [18:08] Oso     Hey, guys! We need to move     out in our Proper-Ranger! [18:11] All     Roger! [18:28] Song     We still can't get enough [18:30] Song     Of dreams, love, and desires [18:33] Song     It's not just all about justice and courage [18:39] Song     The established regularity     of the world will sustain us [18:45] Song     The overflowing power we're     unleashing is proper! [18:54] Toto     Aren't the Proper-Rangers here yet? [18:56] Song     Properly combine [18:59] Song     Properly attack [19:01] Song     We'll change everything     ourselves if we have to [19:07] Song     We're going to get our     hands on a proper future [19:13] Song     With our proper lives [19:35] Iya     Sheeeh! [19:37] Toto     What's taking so long?! [19:54] Song     Properly transform [19:56] Song     Properly take off [19:58] Song     So we can take hold of our proper future SIGN    End SIGN    Absolute Heroes     Proper-Rangers SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Skeleton" [20:27] Guy     This is the qualifier for the men's skeleton. [20:33] Guy     Matsuno Osomatsu. He's known for his     performance in the latter half of his run. SIGN    Blondie Cup     Previous Records     Akatsuka Cup: Last place     Oden Cup: Last place     Otsu Cup: DNF     Sheeeh Cup:     Prohibited from entering [20:39] Guy     What kind of run will he show us today? [20:43] Guy     He's about to begin. [21:00] Guy     Uh-oh. [21:03] Guy     Oh, dear... [21:05] Guy     Oh, that's not good. [21:08] Oso     My nipples! [21:10] Oso     My nipples! [21:12] Oso     My dick! My dick! [21:36] Guy     Right, so... Our winner is Karapino. SIGN    End [21:39] Kara     I did it! [23:17] Iya     That's it for this week's Mr. Osomatsu. [23:20] iyA     So, what did you think? [23:24] Dayo     It was so-so. [23:26] All     Sheeeh! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:31] Todo     Todomatsu here. [23:33] Todo     Next week's story is "NEET Correctional Facility,"     but can we just not talk about that? [23:38] Todo     I just want avert my eyes from     reality as much as possible. [23:41] Todo     I want to hide in the shadows [23:43] Todo     of the other five and completely     ignore how much of a loser I am! [23:47] Todo     Shit! Shit! You dumbasses! SIGN    "BANANA" "NEET Correctional Facility" etc. [23:49] Todo     Whoops! I lost my composure there.     Everything I just said was a lie. E21 - BANANA, NEET Correctional Facility, etc. Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya SIGN    Jigae Pot SIGN    "The Late Night Himatsuya" [00:11] Guy     Paid in exact change. [00:14] Guy     Thanks, come again. [00:25] Kara     Man, we're wasted. [00:27] Todo     Yes, we are, Karamatsu-niisan. [00:30] Kara     Hey, who are you calling "Charisma-niisan"? [00:34] Todo     Yeah, I didn't say that. [00:37] Todo     Hey, I want to order.     Can you push the button? [00:39] Kara     Got it. [00:41] Jyu     Ding dong! [00:45] Oso     Hey, you're not the button. You're Jyushimatsu! [00:49] Todo     I can't breathe! [00:51] Choro     Hey, what's so funny? [00:54] Choro     I don't get it at all. [00:56] Jyu     You don't? [00:58] Choro     I don't. [00:59] Choro     Ding dong! [01:02] Choro     Now I'm the button! I'm the button! SIGN    Pepper [01:09] Oso     Man, that was fun. Should we head home? [01:13] Kara     Yeah, I guess we should. [01:15] Ichi     We need to get our check, then. [01:22] Ichi     Our check... [01:25] Ichi     We need to get our check... [01:27] Oso     So what do we have to do     to get our check, Ichimatsu? [01:31] Ichi     Huh? [01:32] Oso     Come on, tell me, Ichimacchan!     What do we have to do? [01:36] Ichi     Push the button. [01:38] Kara     Ding dong! [01:43] Ichi     Ding dong. [01:44] Oso?     Ding dong! [01:46] Todo     My stomach hurts! Please stop! [01:49] Todo     Ding dong! [01:52] Jyu     So much fun! [01:54] Guy     Hey! [01:56] Guy     Shut up. [02:02] Oso     We got in trouble... [02:05] Jyu     Ding dong! [02:08] Kara     Just don't. SIGN    End SIGN    Shibuya Station [03:51] Tottymi     What am I going to do? [03:53] Totty     I work and work, but can't     seem to save any money. [03:57] Totty     I wonder if there's some job I can do for     a little while and make lots of money. [04:01] Totty     I want to turn the tables! [04:08] Song     B! N! N! Banana [04:10] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    We'll support your money-loving lifestyle SIGN    Get paid under the table! SIGN    Super high income! Check out our available positions [04:11] Song     Banana banana banana [04:14] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich SIGN    We'll support your money-loving lifestyle [04:17] Song     Banana banana make money quick SIGN    Super high income! SIGN    Get paid under the table! [04:20] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [04:23] Song     Banana! [04:23] Song     Banana banana make money quick [04:26] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [04:29] Song     Banana! [04:29] Totty     Wow! Maybe I can turn the tables after all! [04:29] Song     Let's find a part-time job [04:31] Song     Banana! [04:32] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [04:39] Ichi     All right, let's start the interview. SIGN    Kitty Shack [04:43] Ichi     Good evening. I'm Ichimatsu, the manager. [04:45] Ichi     Pleasure to meet you. [04:47] Totty     S-Sir, thank you for having me. [04:52] Ichi     Are you nervous? [04:55] Ichi     Could this be your first time     working in a place like this? [04:59] Totty     Um... Yes. [05:02] Ichi     Don't worry. [05:03] Ichi     It might be a little rough at first,     but you'll get used to things quickly. [05:07] Totty     Really? [05:09] Ichi     Yes. Now, why don't we have you change? [05:12] Totty     Yes, sir! I'll do my best. [05:15] Ichi     Here you go. [05:16] Totty     I can't! There's no way I can wear that! [05:19] Ichi     Then what about this? [05:20] Totty     I can't! No way! [05:23] Ichi     Then how about this? [05:24] Totty     No way! More importantly,     what's the theme here? [05:27] Totty     Is this really what the customers want? [05:30] Ichi     Well, there are all kinds     of people in this world. [05:34] Totty     Y-Yes, but... [05:36] Ichi     Just so you know... [05:38] Ichi     These are the services     we provide at our shop. SIGN    One-shot Jokes     Oogiri     Impressions     What's in the Box?     Bungee Jumping     Kissing a Wild Alligator SIGN    One-shot Jokes [05:43] Ichi     One-shot jokes. SIGN    Oogiri [05:44] Ichi     Oogiri. SIGN    Impressions [05:45] Ichi     Impressions. SIGN    What's in the Box? [05:46] Ichi     What's in the box? SIGN    Bungee Jumping [05:48] Ichi     Bungee jumping. [05:49] Ichi     Kissing a wild alligator. SIGN    Kissing a Wild Alligator [05:51] Totty     I can't! I can't do any of those! [05:54] Ichi     You'll get used to it. [05:55] Totty     I won't! This isn't what I imagined at all! [06:00] Totty     No way! I can't! [06:04] Totty     I can't! [06:06] Totty     I-I can't! [06:11] Totty     Sir... [06:12] Totty     I don't think I'm cut out     for this job after all. [06:16] Ichi     That's what everyone says at first,     but don't you worry. SIGN    Hot     Mustard [06:21] Ichi     You'll get used to it. [06:22] Totty     No! This isn't what I wanted to do! [06:27] Totty     That's right. What I wanted to do is... SIGN    Money [06:34] Oso     I'm so bummed. [06:36] Jyu     Same. [06:37] Oso     We're way too broke. [06:40] Oso     The wage gap is too steep. [06:42] Jyu     Totally want to turn the tables. [06:45] Song     B! N! N! Banana [06:45] Both     Wow! [06:46] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee [06:48] Song     Banana banana banana [06:51] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich [06:54] Song     Banana banana make money quick [06:57] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [06:59] Song     Banana! [07:00] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:03] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [07:05] Song     Banana! [07:06] Song     Let's find a part-time job [07:08] Song     Banana! [07:09] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [07:11] Song     Banana! [07:12] Song     Overseas vacations, brand bags [07:13] ---     Wow! [07:15] Song     Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy [07:18] Song     It can't be true... Yes it can, banana! [07:24] Song     Hey! [07:24] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:27] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [07:29] Song     Banana! [07:30] Song     Banana banana make money quick [07:33] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [07:35] Song     Banana! [07:36] Song     Let's find a part-time job [07:38] Song     Banana! [07:39] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone [07:41] Song     Banana! [07:42] Song     Overseas vacations, brand bags [07:45] Song     Spas, nails, gourmet, condos, way too fancy [07:48] Song     It can't be true... Yes it can, banana! SIGN    The Ultimate Sentai Show VS Virgin Rangers [07:53] Song     Hey! [07:57] Song     B! N! N! Banana SIGN    Akatsuka Hall SIGN    Spring Tour SIGN    Arena [07:58] Song     B! N! N! Banana [08:00] Song     Banana banana banana [08:03] Song     Banana banana, strike it rich [08:06] Song     Banana banana make money quick [08:09] Song     Stupidly, stupidly high income [08:11] Song     Banana! [08:12] Song     Banana banana make money quick [08:15] Song     Get a stupidly stupid     amount under the table [08:18] Song     Banana! [08:18] Totty     Yay! [08:18] Song     Same day super celebrity [08:19] Totty     I was able to turn the tables! [08:21] Song     Let's get ahead of everyone SIGN    End SIGN    "NEET Correctional Facility" [08:25] Sales     Hello, it's your neighborhood salesman. [08:32] Sales     I'm terribly sorry to show up unannounced. [08:36] Sales     Please take this high-class pound     cake from the Grand Hat Hotel [08:39] Sales     as a token of my apology. [08:43] Sales     You see, I just happened to hear a rumor [08:46] Sales     that you happen to have six NEETs [08:48] Sales     who absolutely refuse to work     no matter how old they get. [08:53] Sales     That must be hard. You have my sympathies. [08:56] Dad     R-Right... [08:58] Sales     So I was wondering if you'd be willing [09:01] Sales     to try sending them to a facility     that we created. It's called... [09:05] Sales     "We'll immediately change     any failure of a human being! [09:08] Sales     The NEET correctional facility: NEETZAP." [09:13] Sales     Oh, don't worry. [09:15] Sales     There's nothing shady about our facility. [09:17] Sales     We call all the children     we take in our friends. [09:21] Sales     We truly treat them as friends. SIGN    Probability of finding a job after graduation [09:23] Sales     Many of our graduates go back     out into society and do great! SIGN    (According to our research) [09:27] Sales     You just have to leave them     with us for two years! SIGN    Life SIGN    90 years' worth SIGN    (2 years' worth) [09:29] Sales     Just two years, and they'll be reformed! SIGN    2 years SIGN    Special time offer! [09:31] Sales     And right now, we have a     sales campaign going on! SIGN    NTNT Campaign! SIGN    1 NEET only [09:33] Sales     We'll take in one of your NEETs free of charge! SIGN    Yen [09:36] Sales     Well, what do you think? [09:38] Sales     I'm sure you might have some reservations,     but it's not a bad deal. [09:41] Sales     Be brave, and give us a try! [09:46] Dad     You can't be serious. [09:48] Dad     It's true that all of our kids are NEETs, [09:51] Dad     but there's no way we could send one of our     sons to your crazy facility for two years. [09:54] Dad     Right, dear? [09:56] Mom     Could you tell us more about this facility? [09:58] Dad     What?! [09:59] Dad     D-Dear! [10:04] Sales     Well, I'll be looking forward     to a positive answer. [10:07] Sales     I know you love your sons very much. [10:08] Sales     Farewell! [10:15] Dad     You want to send one of our     kids to that facility? [10:18] Dad     What are you thinking? [10:22] Dad     Matsuyo? [10:24] Mom     Well... [10:27] Mom     This pound cake... [10:29] Mom     is one of my absolute favorites! [10:31] Dad     You're sacrificing one of our     sons for that? You're awful! [10:34] Mom     I'm joking. [10:36] Mom     But I'm serious about the facility. [10:39] Mom     I think it might be worth considering. [10:43] Dad     Huh? [10:44] Mom     I've been thinking lately [10:47] Mom     that maybe they turned out     that way because of me. [10:54] Mom     "Hurry up and find a job     and become independent." [10:57] Mom     I say that, but I'm still too     nice when it comes to them. [11:00] Mom     In the end, I let them get away with anything. [11:03] Mom     At this rate, they'll never change. [11:06] Mom     I need to be stricter with them. [11:09] Mom     If we send one of them to the facility,     something might change. [11:13] Mom     I'm okay with them hating me,     as long as it helps them. [11:18] Dad     Dear, you'd go that far? [11:22] Mom     And let me just say this... [11:26] Mom     If there were only three of them,     it'd be pretty lonely, and I may even feel guilty, [11:32] Mom     but we have sextuplets! [11:34] Mom     We have six of them! [11:36] Mom     Even if we sent one off,     I don't think we'd really notice! SIGN    Because we have sextuplets, even if we sent one off, we really wouldn't notice [11:43] Dad     Well, I mean, even five is a lot. [11:48] Mom     I said that so confidently, [11:50] Mom     but having to actually pick one of     these kids to go is pretty hard. [11:55] Mom     I'd like to let the good ones stay,     and choose the worst. [12:04] Mom     Which ones are the good sons?     Who's the bad son? [12:09] Mom     I just don't know... [12:12] Oso     Mom, I want to go play pachinko. [12:14] Oso     Got any extra cash, by any chance? [12:17] Kara     Mommy, when are you going     to buy me this bike? [12:21] Ichi     Huh? Is it good? [12:23] Ichi     It's okay, I guess. [12:25] Jyu     Mom, I wet the bed! SIGN    Expensive [12:28] Todo     Mom, I borrowed your toner,     so could you buy more? [12:32] Mom     I don't have a good son to begin with! [12:35] Mom     All of you should go to     the facility, you morons! [12:40] Mom     It's no use. They're all worthless. [12:43] Mom     I was right after all. [12:46] Mom     Now is the time for tough love! [13:00] Choro     Y-You're sending one of us     to a correctional facility? [13:04] Mom     Yes. [13:05] Choro     J-Just to make sure, I'm not the one     you're sending to this facility, am I? [13:18] Mom     No, you're safe, Choromatsu. [13:19] Choro     Oh, thank God! That's not good for my heart! [13:22] Choro     Safe! Choro-chan is safe! [13:24] Mom     I want you to hear me out. [13:26] Choro     Hear you out? [13:28] Choro     Oh, I see... [13:31] Choro     That's why you brought up this facility. [13:33] Choro     I didn't know you were facing     such a hard decision. [13:36] Mom     This is a last resort. [13:38] Choro     All right. I'll throw out     any pity and help you out. [13:41] Choro     So we just have to pick which one of     these guys we're going to part with? [13:46] Mom     Yes. They're all so awful,     I just can't seem to make up my mind. [13:50] Mom     Tell me what you think as their brother. [13:53] Choro     Well, as one of the brothers... [13:56] Choro     It's definitely him. [13:57] Mom     Oh, my. I never thought     you'd decide so quickly. [14:00] Choro     There's absolutely no hesitation. [14:02] Mom     What? But Osomatsu's... How do I put it? [14:04] Mom     He basically defines you sextuplets. [14:07] Mom     If he's out of the picture,     it'd be hard to understand what's going on. [14:10] Choro     No, no, speaking for the sextuplets,     it'd be the most peaceful with him gone. [14:15] Choro     Ask all the others, and they'll probably     all point to his picture at once. [14:19] Mom     Really? [14:20] Choro     Really. [14:21] Mom     I really thought you were     going to pick this one. [14:26] Choro     Ah. [14:28] Choro     Well, yeah... [14:30] Mom     I mean, you're always getting mad     at him. He's annoying, right? [14:33] Choro     Well, he is, but he hasn't     actually done anything wrong. [14:37] Choro     So, speaking for the sextuplets,     there's no problem with keeping him. [14:40] Mom     Oh, really? [14:42] Mom     I guess he can stay, then. [14:43] Choro     What about you, Mom? [14:46] Choro     Who do you think should go? [14:48] Mom     U-Um... But that's just it. [14:51] Choro     If you had to choose. [14:52] Mom     If I had to choose... [15:03] Mom     I-I think this one, or this one. [15:05] Choro     Really? Ichimatsu or Todomatsu?! [15:08] Mom     Shh! You're too loud! [15:09] Choro     Wait, but why?! [15:10] Mom     I can't tell if they really love me... [15:13] Choro     Ah... [15:15] Mom     And I can't really find anything     positive about keeping them. [15:18] Choro     I see. [15:19] Mom     W-Wait, did I just say something awful?! [15:21] Choro     You did. Actually,     you've been pretty awful all day. [15:24] Choro     But that's fine. This is your     chance to let it all out. [15:28] Choro     By the way, what about this one? [15:33] Both     No, no, no! Not a chance! [15:34] Both     I can't imagine having someone     else take care of this one! [15:38] Choro     Right? [15:39] Mom     Exactly. [15:40] Choro     It's not that we want to keep him,     but we don't have a choice. [15:43] Mom     Right. [15:45] Choro     So, what are you going to do?     Which one are we parting with? [15:48] Mom     What? Hmm... [16:00] Mom     Then... [16:01] Choro     Whoa, seriously?! [16:02] Mom     I'll go along with the other sextuplets' opinion. [16:05] Mom     Not to mention, if he's gone,     I do think the rest of you might change. [16:10] Choro     It's decided? [16:11] Mom     Yes. [16:12] Choro     So we're parting ways with Osomatsu? [16:14] Mom     Yes, Osomatsu. [16:17] Choro     All right. I'll go get him, then. [16:21] Mom     Wait! [16:24] Mom     What should I do? [16:26] Choro     Uh, about what? [16:27] Mom     Osomatsu, huh? [16:29] Mom     Really? Osomatsu? [16:29] Choro     Seriously, what is your deal? [16:32] Mom     I'm going to hold off on Osomatsu after all. [16:33] Choro     Huh? You changed your mind? [16:35] Mom     Yes. [16:35] Choro     Okay, so who's it going to be? [16:38] Mom     Huh? Um... [16:41] Mom     This one. [16:42] Choro     Karamatsu? [16:43] Mom     Yes. [16:45] Choro     Final answer? [16:45] Mom     Final answer. [16:46] Choro     Okay. I'll go get him. [16:49] Mom     Wait. [16:50] Choro     Huh? [16:52] Choro     Mom?! [16:53] Choro     Seriously, what is your deal?! [16:57] Choro     Mom! [16:58] Mom     I'm getting sick of this! [16:59] Choro     Huh?! [17:00] Mom     I know I'm the one who brought this up,     but actually having to pick one... [17:04] Mom     I'm so sick of this! [17:06] Choro     Mom! [17:07] Choro     Calm down! You're the one     who brought this up! [17:11] Mom     R-Right... I'm the one who brought     all of this up in the first place... [17:16] Mom     I was about to go soft again. [17:18] Mom     Thanks, Choromatsu-kun. [17:19] Choro     No problem. [17:21] Choro     What about this one? [17:22] Mom     Ichimatsu? No! [17:25] Choro     Then what about him? [17:26] Mom     Todomatsu? No, no! [17:29] Choro     What about him?! [17:29] Mom     I said no! [17:31] Mom     But he's such a good character! [17:34] Mom     But he's so cute! [17:36] Mom     He's such a good boy! [17:37] Mom     I can't! I just can't! [17:39] Mom     I just can't choose! [17:42] Choro     Matsuyo! Get a friggin' grip, Matsuyo! [17:46] Mom     I'm going to be honest. [17:48] Mom     Even if you're all just lazing around     every day, or NEETs, I don't care. [17:53] Mom     I actually don't care at all. [17:55] Choro     What?! That's some confession! [17:58] Choro     This goes against everything! [17:59] Choro     Why did we waste all this time, then? [18:02] Mom     It all just came out, but I meant it. [18:04] Mom     As long as you're all doing well,     that's all that matters. I don't care at all. [18:08] Choro     Oh, come on! You're the one     who brought all of this up! [18:13] Mom     You're right! I was going soft again! [18:16] Mom     I have to choose one! [18:18] Choro     Is this ever going to end? Well, Mom?! [18:21] Mom     Ugh! What am I supposed to do?! [18:25] Mom     Oh, I know. [18:26] Mom     You go, then. [18:27] Choro     What?! Now it's me? [18:30] Choro     Why?! [18:30] Mom     I guess not. Then we'll     have your father decide. [18:33] Choro     Huh?! [18:34] Mom     No, maybe I'm the one who needs     to go to some kind of facility. [18:38] Choro     Mom! You're not making any sense! [18:39] Choro     Calm down! [18:41] Choro     Mom! [18:45] Kara     So, how'd it go? [18:47] Todo     Who's it going to be? [18:48] Oso     Choromatsu! [18:49] Jyu     Choromatsu-niisan! [18:50] Ichi     Well? [18:51] Choro     In the end... [18:52] Choro     Mom just couldn't decide. [18:57] Ichi     Oh, thank goodness. [18:58] Todo     So everything's on hold. [18:59] Oso     We're just barely safe. [19:00] Jyu     Safe, safe! [19:01] Kara     We're saved. [19:03] Choro     Well, I guess this is the best choice. [19:07] Dad     I'm home. [19:08] Six     Dad! [19:10] Dad     Something wrong? [19:11] Jyu     What's this about a correctional facility? [19:13] Dad     Oh, that. [19:18] Dad     I spent all day thinking about it at work, [19:21] Dad     but it's just silly to think about     sending one of you off [19:25] Dad     to a facility for two years. [19:27] Dad     Still, I decided that you     need some tough love. [19:30] Six     Huh? [19:31] Dad     Starting tomorrow, three of you     will be going to the facility. [19:40] All     What?! [19:41] Ichi     Three of us?! [19:42] Oso     Why is it more now?! [19:43] Dad     Well, if we want to make our family     better, we need this resolve. [19:48] Kara     Better?! No, that betterment     isn't necessary, Daddy! [19:51] Dad     Now, then. [19:52] Dad     Which three of you should I choose? [19:58] Oso     D-D-D-D-Dad! I'll give you this! [20:00] Oso     A coupon for a hostess club! [20:02] Dad     What? Really? [20:03] Dad     Osomatsu gets 100 points! [20:04] Oso     All right! [20:05] Jyu     Dad, you can have this     ticket to a baseball game! [20:08] Dad     Jyushimatsu gets 50 points! [20:09] Jyu     Yay! [20:10] Choro     Dad, you can have this idol photobook. [20:12] Dad     100 points! [20:13] Choro     Yass! SIGN    Softshell Turtle [20:14] Kara     Daddy, use this! [20:17] Dad     Nice, my son! [20:18] Kara     One more. [20:19] Dad     Great, my son! [20:20] Kara     One more! [20:21] Dad     50,000 sun! Karamatsu doesn't have to go! [20:25] Ichi     Dad, here's the URL to a free porn site. [20:28] Dad     One million points! You don't have to go! [20:30] Ichi     Thanks! [20:31] Todo     Dad, I'm sorry. [20:32] Dad     Huh? [20:33] Todo     I don't have anything to     give you like the others. [20:37] Todo     But you know... [20:38] Todo     Since I always had you to look up to, [20:41] Todo     I know I'll grow up to be     a great man like you. [20:42] Todo     Thanks for everything. [20:44] Dad     A hundred million points!     You get to be a NEET for life! [20:47] Todo     Yass! Don't you dare     underestimate Totty, damn it! [20:49] Oso     All right, you guys! [20:51] Oso     Let's show Dad how much we appreciate him! [20:55] ---     Yeah! [20:56] Six     Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! [20:59] Dad     Don't worry! Don't worry, my little NEETs! [21:02] Dad     Your father is so happy! [21:14] Mom     We're such a strange family.     What am I going to do with all of you? [21:19] Mom     More importantly, when are     you all going to get jobs? [21:23] Mom     Honestly, you stupid little NEETs! [21:28] Choro     Ow! What are you doing, Mom? [21:30] Todo     Come on, Mom. [21:31] Jyu     What're you doing? [21:33] Mom     Well? Do you give up? [21:35] Ichi     Uh, could you hurry up and move? [21:37] Kara     Hey, Mommy! [21:39] Mom     Nope. I'm going to stay like     this a little longer. [21:41] Oso     Wait, why?! [21:47] Mom     Nope. SIGN    End [21:50] Mom     Nope! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:24] Jyu     It's me, Jyushimatsu! [23:26] Jyu     Next week's going to be about survival! [23:28] Jyu     So I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:31] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:36] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:40] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:43] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! SIGN    "Overseas Vacation" [23:47] Jyu     I want to tell you trivia about survival! [23:52] Jyu     Starving! E22 - Overseas Vacation Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN         "Overseas Vacation" [00:05] All     Hawaii! Hawaii! Hawaii! Hawaii! [00:12] Toto     Yay, Hawaii! [00:15] Chibi     All right, you idjits! [00:16] Dayon     I'm so excited! [00:20] Choro     Are we allowed such extravagance?     We're going to get punished for this. [00:23] Both     Punishment! [00:26] Oso     Man... The best thing in life is a rich friend. [00:31] Kara     Thank you, Hatabou! [00:33] Toto     Hatabou! [00:53] Ichi     Are we falling?! [00:55] Kara     We are! [00:56] Jyu     What's going on, Hatabou?! [00:57] Oso     Hatabou? [00:58] Choro     Damn it, Hatabou! [01:00] Iyami     Sheeeh! [01:29] Kara     Huh? [01:31] Kara     What?! [01:33] Kara     Wh-Where are we?! [03:12] Todo     This isn't Hawaii... This isn't Hawaii...     This isn't Hawaii... This isn't Hawaii... [03:14] Chibi     What are we going to do? [03:17] Oso     Man, I'm starving. [03:19] Jyu     I'm thirsty. [03:23] Deka     There's trouble! [03:25] Deka     I can't find Dayon anywhere! [03:27] Choro     What?! [03:31] Kara     And so, rather than enjoying     a vacation in Hawaii, [03:35] Kara     we were forced into trying to     survive on a deserted island. [03:40] Iya     Sheh! Sheh! [03:44] Iya     Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! [03:47] Toto     I'm so hungry. [03:49] Oso     Totoko-chan! [03:49] Choro     Totoko-chan! [03:50] Oso     What do you want? [03:51] Choro     What do you want? Tell us! [03:54] Toto     Well... I want some fruit. [03:56] Oso     Fruit! What kind? [03:58] Choro     What kind? [03:58] Oso     That? [03:59] Toto     Nope. [04:00] Choro     That? [04:01] Toto     Nope. [04:02] Toto     What I want is... [04:06] Toto     that. [04:33] Toto     You okay? [04:36] Chibi     Hey, you jerks! The hell are     you doing, you idjits?! [04:40] Chibi     I told you guys to write "SOS" with those! [04:43] Jyu     SOS? [04:45] Ichi     Oh, that's what he meant. [04:52] Chibi     Not "OSO," "SOS"! [04:56] Chibi     Why are you guys the letters?! [04:58] Chibi     Take this seriously, you idjits! [05:02] Todo     A deserted island, huh? [05:04] Todo     I'm finished... [05:08] Todo     Dekapan? What's wrong? [05:11] Deka     I can't find Dayon. [05:14] Todo     Look over there. [05:18] Deka     That's— [05:23] Todo     He's probably dead.     You should just give up. [05:26] Deka     How can you say such a thing? [05:27] Todo     Uh, that pretty much confirms he's dead. [05:30] Deka     You can't lose hope! [05:32] Todo     There isn't any hope. [05:33] Deka     There is! [05:34] Todo     There isn't! [05:35] Todo     We're just going to die anyway!     There's no way I can survive here! [05:40] Todo     Dekapan! [05:44] Deka     I'll protect you. [05:47] Todo     Gross. [05:56] Iyami     Sheh. [05:57] Iyami     Sheeeh! [06:12] Iyami     Fueeeh! [06:13] Sign     Fueeeeeeeeh! SIGN    Fueeeeeeeeh! [06:22] Jyu     It's not lighting... [06:23] Ichi     It's no use... [06:34] Chibi     Hey! [06:37] Ichi     There we go. [06:39] Jyu     We did it. [06:40] Chibi     The hell?! [06:43] Kara     Hey, stop fighting! We have to     help each other out right now! [06:49] Kara     Everyone continued their     meaningless quarrels. [06:52] Kara     They all forgot their compassion. [07:16] Kara     However, our last hope still remained... [07:20] Kara     A raft to escape this island. [07:23] Kara     We would all get on     and leave the island. [07:26] Kara     And then, one day... [07:30] Kara     We'd kill Hatabou! [07:32] Kara     Our desire to kill Hatabou     brought us all together! [07:42] Kara     But... [07:47] Oso     Iyami! [07:50] Iya     There's no way we'd all fit     on this tiny raft! See ya! [07:59] Bg     Hey! [08:00] Bg     Iyami! [08:01] Bg     Iyami! [08:03] Oso     Behind you! Iyami, behind you! [08:05] Deka     Behind you! [08:08] Iya     Behind me? [08:09] Iya     Sh-Sheeeh! [08:19] Kara     It was then that we realized [08:21] Kara     it'd be impossible to leave this island. [08:24] Kara     All that remained was for us to die. [08:34] Kara     I wonder how much time passed... [08:37] Kara     But we were still alive. [08:42] Kara     We adapted to life on the island     and became stronger. [08:54] Kara     Each of us evolved in different ways. [09:00] Choro     Oh, hey, Totoko-chan. [09:04] Toto     Begone! [09:05] Choro     Huh? SIGN    Oden [09:13] Todo     I guess no one's responded yet... [09:17] Todo     No one's answering... [09:20] Todo     I wonder if the signal's just weak here... [09:24] Oso     The hell? I'm not getting any balls at all. [09:26] Oso     What the heck? SIGN    Dayon's Grave [09:56] Kara     And we established a bartering system. [10:08] Ichi     I got some new ones in. [10:12] Choro     Hurry up and gimme! Gimme! [10:16] Kara     That's right... we had acquired peace. [10:27] Toto     A bird! There's a bird! [10:52] Oso     So good! [10:53] Choro     It is! [10:56] Kara     My family, let us share     and understand each other! [11:01] Kara     I've had enough of pointless fighting! [11:03] Kara     Being selfish is prohibited!     This is true happiness! [11:10] Kara     It was because of my kind,     caring nature that everyone was happy. [11:19] Kara     Until that incident. [11:23] Todo     I'm so full. [11:25] Kara     I'm gonna go take a piss. [11:32] Kara     Th-This is... [11:34] Kara     Why?! Seriously? Yes! [11:40] Choro     Karamatsu? [11:42] Choro     What's up? Did you find something? [11:45] Kara     Nope... [11:45] Todo     Let us see it. We have a rule to share     whenever we find anything, right? [11:52] Todo     Hey, come on, now. [11:53] Ichi     Hey! [11:55] Ichi     That's toilet paper, isn't it? [11:59] Ichi     Why do you have that? [12:04] Kara     My bad. [12:06] Choro     He ran! [12:07] Ichi     Come back here, Shittymatsu! [12:08] Todo     Shittymatsu! [12:14] Toto     There's toilet paper! [12:22] Kara     I'm not giving it to anyone!     I'm the one who found it! [12:25] Kara     Now I can finally wipe my ass     with soft, pillowy paper! [12:28] Kara     I'm so done with wiping my ass     with hard or scratchy leaves! [12:32] Oso     Come on, don't do this! [12:34] Choro     We made a promise to share     everything equally! [12:37] Kara     Don't be so naïve! You guys just     want it for yourselves, too! [12:40] Kara     I'm fully aware [12:42] Kara     that your asses have also     surpassed their limits! [12:51] Oso     Damn it, Totoko! [12:53] Choro     Totoko! [12:57] Toto     Damn it, Shittypan! [12:58] Todo     Shittypan! [13:32] Chibi     The toilet paper's mine! [13:35] Chibi     Y-You're... [13:37] Chibi     Iyami! [13:41] Chibi     H-How, you idjit?! How did you... [13:46] Iyami     Me has awakened... [13:49] Chibi     Awakened? [13:51] Iyami     Hunger, thirst, loneliness... [13:54] Iyami     I endured all of those hardships and     managed to surpass my physical limits. [14:02] Iyami     What awaited me beyond that was yoga... [14:05] Iyami     The power of yoga... It's no longer possible     for any of you to capture me again. [14:18] Oso     Damn it! He can even displace his organs? [14:32] Choro     The hell is that?! You can't be serious! [14:37] Kara     Over there! [14:42] Ichi     He disappeared?! [14:43] Oso     Damn it! He can even teleport?! [14:48] Iya     This belongs to me. [14:51] Chibi     Hold it! [14:53] Chibi     Iyami... It looks like you've     pissed me off for real. [15:00] Chibi     After having to survive out here,     I finally understand, too. [15:04] Chibi     The most powerful power in the world... [15:06] Chibi     It's... [15:08] Chibi     the power of the wild! [15:10] Chibi     Behold! [15:13] Kara     Unbelievably, after Iyami,     Chibita had also awakened. [15:25] Todo     I-Is that a leopard?     Is he turning into a leopard? [15:30] Todo     Or not. [15:36] Todo     A gorilla! It's a gorilla! [15:39] Todo     Or not! [15:44] Todo     A wolf! [15:45] Todo     Or not! What the hell are     you trying to do, Chibita?! [15:54] Chibi     You're finished, you idjit! [15:57] Todo     The hell is that?! What kind of animal is that?! [16:00] Iyami     S-So fast! Me can't dodge! [16:11] Chibi     The hell?! [16:13] Iyami     Sheeeh! [16:19] Chib     By the way, I still have two forms left. [16:25] Toto     Even I... [16:26] All     Totoko-chan! [16:28] Toto     Even I figured it out... [16:30] Toto     After having to live this shitty lifestyle, [16:34] Toto     I understood how much I     appreciated my parents... [16:36] Toto     The happiness of living at my parents' house... [16:38] Toto     When I realized that, the origin within me... [16:42] Toto     My fishmonger blood has awakened! [16:45] Kara     Then even Totoko-chan awakened! [16:52] Toto     A fish for you... and a fish for me! [16:57] Toto     Anglerfish, red spotted grouper, salmon! [16:59] Toto     DHA and EPA are overflowing...     My blood flows so smoothly! [17:03] Toto     Make sure you eat the skin, too! [17:05] Toto     In the name of fishkind, I'll kill you all! [17:08] Six     So cute! [17:10] Choro     Holy shit! You're so cute, Totoko-chan! [17:12] Toto     I'll show you how terrifying     the ocean can be! [17:14] Toto     Barnacle Attack! [17:20] Toto     Sea Cucumber Splash! [17:22] Toto     Sea Slug Bomber! [17:25] Chib     Y-You idjit! Damn it! [17:28] Choro     She looks super cute,     but her attacks are gross! [17:31] Todo     They didn't have anything to do with fish. [17:33] Oso     I-I don't think I can beat her! [17:36] Jyu     Leave it to me! [17:38] All     Jyushimatsu! [17:38] Todo     Jyushimatsu-niisan! [17:40] Jyu     This is the power that's awakened within me. [17:45] Jyu     Play ball! [17:46] Jyu     Dream of Field! [17:54] Ichi     Th-That's... [17:55] Toto     I-It can't be! [17:57] Kara     Jyushimatsu had awakened, too. [18:00] Kara     He wanted to play baseball.     He wanted to play an actual game. [18:02] Kara     Those passionate feelings... [18:05] Todo     I-It's the nine! [18:06] Choro     The nine are here! [18:08] Kara     Yes. He managed to summon     the legendary nine. [18:15] Ump     Strike! SIGN    Portland [18:17] Ump     Safe! [18:18] All     There it goes! [18:20] Iyami     Sheeeh... SIGN    MVP Prize [18:23] Jyu     It's a home run! SIGN    MVP Prize [18:26] Kara     Baseball is fun. SIGN    Dayon's Grave [18:29] Deka     Everything is wrong! [18:31] Deka     You're the only one who     can quell this chaos! [18:33] Deka     Please give me your strength! [19:06] Oso     What the hell is that?! [19:09] Deka     I've awakened along with my friend! [19:12] Deka     He died, but has reawakened! [19:30] Choro     Damn it! [19:34] Oso     All right... we have to work together! [19:36] Oso     Now's the time that the six of us     have to combine our powers! [19:39] Oso     Let's go! [19:40] All     Yeah! [19:41] Oso     Monozygotic technique! [19:43] All     Monozygotic technique! [19:45] Oso     Matsusion! [19:46] All     Matsusion! [19:48] Kara     And then the time finally came...     when we also awakened! [19:53] Pamatsu     Perfectmatsu! Permatsu for short! [19:57] Pamatsu     I feel the urge! [20:11] Pamatsu     This is the end! [20:16] Pamatsu     All this passion we've built up     living so long on this island... [20:21] Pama     See if you can handle it! [20:22] Pama     Su... pe... ru... ha! [20:42] Hata     Hawaii's amazing, jo. [20:44] Hata     I'll just have to enjoy Hawaii     enough for everyone who died, jo. [20:52] Hata     Jo... [20:55] Iya     The toilet paper's mine! [20:57] Chibi     Let me wipe my ass! [20:58] Deka     Let me wipe my ass! [21:00] Pama     We'll kill you! [21:18] Kara     I-I did it! [21:22] Kara     Now I can finally wipe my a— [21:29] Toto     I did it... [21:31] Toto     I won! Yay! [21:35] Toto     What?! Wait, you're kidding me! SIGN    Single [21:39] Toto     It's single-ply?! [21:41] Toto     It's not double-ply?! SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:25] Oso     Okay, just do as I say. [23:28] Oso     First, close your eyes. [23:31] Oso     Take a deep breath... [23:36] Oso     and breathe out slowly... [23:39] Oso     Once you're relaxed,     visualize in your right eye... [23:43] Oso     Dayon's face. [23:45] Oso     Visualize Iyami in your left eye. SIGN    "The Late Night Himatsuya" "Dayon and Dayon" "Iyami-san Is Troubled" [23:50] Oso     Yup. Those two are the stars next week. E23 - The Late Night Himatsuya / Dayon and Dayon / Iyami-san Is Troubled Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya SIGN    Jigae pot SIGN    "The Late Night Himatsuya 2" [00:06] Guy     Paid in exact change. [00:09] Guy     Thank you very much. [00:12] Todo     Hey, let's just go home.     It's past 2:30, so let's go. [00:17] Todo     Oh, come on! We talked     about this, didn't we? [00:20] Todo     We said that when we got this relaxed,     we'd go home! It's for the best! [00:25] Oso     Yeah, but you know... [00:26] All     Huh? [00:27] Oso     I don't feel like we can go home unless we     can get riled up at least one more time. [00:31] All     Yup, yup. [00:32] Todo     And that one more time won't ever happen! [00:36] Ichi     Maybe something new and     interesting will happen. [00:38] Todo     It won't! It really won't! [00:40] Todo     I can vouch for this! Let's just go! [00:42] Jyu     Oh, I know! [00:43] Oso     What is it? [00:44] All     What, what, what? [00:46] Jyu     Why don't we all, like, right now... [00:49] Jyu     play the word chain game? [00:51] Todo     Let's go home! [00:52] Todo     He actually said word chain game!     That's so insanely boring! [00:55] Kara     Word chain (shiritori)! [00:56] Choro     Squirrel (risu)! [00:57] Ichi     Watermelon (suika)! [00:58] Oso     Camera (kamera)! [00:59] Jyu     Trumpet (rappa)! [01:00] Todo     Stop it! Don't you see how sad this is? [01:01] Todo     Have some pride! SIGN    Pepper [01:02] Kara     Why don't we play the word association game? [01:05] Todo     Let's go home. [01:05] Choro     How about the other word association game? [01:06] Todo     Let's go home! [01:07] Ichi     I've recently learned to do an impression     that I'm pretty confident about. [01:11] Ichi     Want to see it? [01:12] Todo     Let's go home! [01:12] Oso     What would you do if you won the lottery? [01:15] Todo     Let's go home! [01:15] Jyu     What would you do if     Totoko-chan asked you out? [01:18] Todo     C'mon, let's go home! [01:19] Kara     I've been able to see people's auras lately. [01:21] Todo     Let's go home! [01:22] Choro     So the stars you see every night [01:24] Choro     have actually been around     for hundreds of years! [01:25] Todo     Let's go home! It's seriously over     if we start talking about space! [01:28] Jyu     Oh, yeah! [01:30] Jyu     I think if we talk about this,     we can get things going again. [01:33] oso     What, what? [01:33] All     What, what, what? [01:35] Jyu     Osomatsu-niisan... [01:37] Jyu     Honestly... Like, right now... [01:41] Jyu     Is there a girl you like? [01:43] Todo     Let's go home! [01:44] Todo     You just said something from, like,     a school trip! This is hell! [01:50] Todo     No, no, no! Let's go home! [01:52] Todo     As soon as we get too relaxed, we go home! [01:54] Todo     Relaxed equals go home     immediately! Seriously! [01:57] Oso     Wait, Totty. [02:00] Oso     If you're that insistent,     why don't you go home by yourself? [02:03] Jyu     Yeah! We're going to play the word     association game and then go home. [02:06] Todo     What? You're going to play the word     association game and then go home? [02:09] All     Yeah. [02:13] Todo     Okay, fine. [02:17] Todo     Well, shall we start? SIGN    End [02:18] All     No, go home! SIGN    Apple Milk [04:12] News     Good morning. It is now 7:30. [04:14] News     Here is the news for this hour. [04:17] News     Because of the heavy rain     in western Japan yesterday, [04:19] News     there have been multiple     instances of flooding... [04:47] Guy     Huh? You're already finished? [04:49] Guy     You're so fast, Dayon-san! [04:53] Guy     Thank you! [04:55] Guy 2     Dayon-san's always so fast. [04:58] Guy     He's just that efficient. [04:59] Guy 3     Um, Dayon-san... [05:03] Guy 3     Sorry, I was wondering if I could     talk to you about something. [05:15] Guy     Dayon-san! [05:16] Guy     Um, we were all talking about     going drinking later... [05:24] Dayon     Maybe next time. [05:28] Guy     That's too bad. [05:56] ---     Wh... [05:56] Dayon     What's going on?! SIGN    "Dayon and Dayon" [05:59] Dayon     What?! [06:04] Dayon     He looks just like me! Way too much like me! [06:07] Dayon     If it were anyone else, I'd understand, [06:08] Dayon     but there's someone who actually     looks exactly like me? [06:12] Dayon     He looks just like me! It's scary! SIGN    Akatsuka Street Shopping District [06:23] Wife     Welcome home, dear. [06:24] Dayon     He's married?! [06:27] Daughter     Hi, Daddy! [06:28] Son     Hey, Dad. [06:30] Dayon     He even has kids! [06:31] Kid     So, today... SIGN    Kimura [06:38] Dayon     K-Kimura? [06:40] Girl     What's wrong, Daddy? You're not coming in? [06:44] Kimu     No, I have something very     important that I have to do, [06:48] Kimu     so go ahead and wait for me inside. [06:51] Girl     Okay! [06:56] Kimu     Hold it! [07:00] Kimu     Let's talk. [07:13] Kimu     You look just like me. [07:16] Kimu     I knew you'd come. [07:19] Kimu     The fact that I'm alive is proof     that you'd exist somewhere, too. [07:24] Kimu     It's destiny that we'd meet... [07:26] Kimu     Or... I could even say I've lived     this long just so you could find me. [07:32] Kimu     If you look at it that way,      it's really deep. [07:38] Kimu     But you really do look just like me. [07:42] Kimu     Very well. Let me break this down a little     more so it's easier to understand. [07:46] Kimu     I think you've realized this,     but I am you, and you are me. [07:52] Kimu     We're not talking about one being     the original and one being fake. [07:56] Kimu     Your very existence is a possibility     that existed within me. [08:01] Kimu     That's more understandable, right? [08:05] Kimu     You really do look just like me. [08:09] Dayon     U-Um... [08:12] Dayon     A-Are you a d-doppelganger? [08:16] Dayon     I've heard of them before! [08:18] Dayon     In this world, everyone has another     person who looks exactly like them, [08:23] Dayon     and they call them doppelgangers— [08:26] Dayon     A doppelganger?! [08:28] kimu     Are you trying to imply     that I'm a doppelganger?! SIGN    To those who use this park: No sleds allowed Don't live here No flying [08:33] Dayon     Huh? U-Um, uh... SIGN    Dog leash pine [08:35] Kimu     Don't be ridiculous! [08:36] Dayon     Y-You've got it all wrong! [08:38] Kimu     But you just said I was a doppelganger! [08:41] Dayon     That's not it! I just don't     know what's going on! [08:44] Dayon     Please don't get mad! [08:46] Dayon     D-Don't get mad... [08:53] Kimu     You really do look just like me. [08:59] Kimu     Dayon. [09:01] Kimu     Look, Dayon. I'm sorry. [09:03] Kimu     Don't be so scared.     It makes it hard to talk to you. [09:09] Kimu     Here. I'll give you this,     so please forgive me. [09:16] Kimu     What's wrong, Dayon? [09:20] Kimu     Do you like this candy, too? [09:31] Kimu     Imagine that! We really are the same! [09:37] Kimu     By the way, Dayon, can I ask you something? [09:40] Dayon     What is it? [09:41] Kimura     How do you brush your teeth? [09:43] Kimura     Since my mouth is so big, it takes     me at least thirty minutes to brush. [09:47] Dayon     I know! [09:48] Dayon     My toothpaste runs out so fast, and my     toothbrush always wears out so quickly. [09:52] Kimura     Totally! That's a Dayon problem. [09:55] Dayon     It's a Dayon problem! [10:00] Kimura     By the way, are you married, Dayon? [10:03] Dayon     Not yet, but I do have a best friend. [10:07] Kimura     Best friend? What are they like? [10:09] Dayon     He's always wandering around     in just his drawers. [10:12] Kimu     What the heck? He sounds a bit dangerous. [10:14] Kimu     Let's all go drinking sometime. [10:15] Dayon     Okay! [10:19] Kimu     Well, be careful. [10:22] Wife     Please come back again, my second husband. [10:24] Girl     Daddy number two! [10:25] Kid     Bye-bye! See you again! [10:28] Both     Bye-bye! SIGN    Several Days Later [10:44] News     ...to look into the matter further. SIGN    And now for our next story. [10:48] News     The man who was arrested for secretly SIGN    College Professor Caught Secretly     Filming Someone on the Train [10:50] News     filming someone was actually     a college professor. SIGN    Arrested on suspicion of secretly filming someone     Kimura Dayon (35) [10:52] news     The suspect, Kimura Dayon,     who works at Akatsuka University, [10:56] news     was arrested for allegedly attempting     to film up a woman's skirt in a train. [11:02] News     According to the police,     Kimura was in a mostly empty train car, [11:07] News     and sat directly behind a woman... [11:08] Dayon     Oh, my... [11:11] Dayon     You just never know... SIGN    End SIGN    "Iyami-san Is Troubled" [11:38] Prod     Whoa! What are you doing, Iyami-san?! [11:42] Iya     Oh, producer. Don't stop me. [11:46] Prod     Wait, wait, wait, wait! [11:47] Prod     What are you doing?! Why?! [11:50] Iya     Me doesn't feel like working on this anime,     Mr. Osomatsu, any longer. [11:55] Iya     Don't stop me. [11:56] Prod     No, really. What happened? [12:00] Iya     Don't act dumb. You know exactly     what's wrong, don't you? [12:04] Prod     Huh? [12:07] Iya     Fine. Let me spell it out for you, then. [12:14] Iya     Producer, don't you think that     I don't fit in on this show? [12:19] Prod     Huh? [12:21] Prod     Y-You don't? [12:23] Iya     Correct. [12:25] Iya     Me just can't seem to blend in     with the modern sextuplets [12:28] Iya     and their excitable conversations. [12:30] Iya     Me is the only one who doesn't fit in. [12:32] Iya     There's distance, a gap... [12:33] Iya     Even when me tries, there's just     something so Showa era about me. [12:39] Iya     And there's nothing me can do about it. [12:42] Iya     By the way, is me even popular? [12:45] Prod     Huh? Uh... [12:47] Prod     W-Well, of course... [12:49] Iya     Me is not. [12:50] Prod     Huh? [12:51] Iya     The roles me has are suspiciously few,     and there's not much merchandise of me. [12:56] Iya     The sextuplets basically make     the show. It's over for me. [13:01] Iya     You know that one costume? Did you know? [13:04] Iya     The very first one made was of me, [13:06] Iya     but because the sextuplets are the     ones getting all of the offers, [13:09] Iya     my costume is just sitting in a     dark warehouse somewhere in Chiba. [13:13] Iya     Me is destined to be abandoned. [13:14] Prod     That's not true, Iyami-san! [13:17] Prod     This show is finished if you're gone!     Everyone thinks that! [13:25] Prod     R-Really! [13:26] Prod     Just a moment! I'll go     call someone real quick! [13:29] Prod     Hey! Someone! [13:33] Both     Iyami! [13:35] Oso     What the heck are you talking about? [13:37] Oso     Think about your notoriety! [13:39] Iya     Notoriety? [13:40] Oso     Everyone knows about you! [13:44] Oso     Moms, dads... We sextuplets     can't even compare! [13:48] Chibi     And you have that super famous     one-liner, "Sheeeh!" [13:53] Oso     Yeah! [13:54] Both     Sheeeh! [13:57] Oso     Man, I'd kill to have a     one-liner as classic as that. [14:01] Iya     Wouldn't the fact that     it's classic make it old? [14:06] Chibi     Well, um... There's also... [14:09] Chibi     Your teeth! You have your teeth! [14:11] Oso     Yeah! You have those really unique teeth! [14:14] Iya     And wouldn't you say that characters     with buck teeth are also dated? [14:17] Oso     Also... that really unique way you talk! [14:21] Iya     Really? You really think it fits     in with how people talk now? [14:24] Chibi     And... you know! You've got     your whole France thing! [14:27] Iya     Who the heck even idolizes     Paris that much anymore? [14:31] Iya     All you see about France on the news     is politics, economy, refugees... [14:35] Iya     It's all trouble! [14:36] Oso     Oh, come on! Stop! [14:37] Chibi     Just stop, you idjit! Don't say that, Iyami. [14:41] Oso     President! [14:41] Chibi     Iyami! [14:42] Oso     President! [14:44] Iyami     Don't call me President.     That's misleading in various ways. [14:50] Oso     What should we do? [14:54] Iya     Anyway, me thinks the fact     me doesn't fit in is a problem. [14:58] Oso     Don't fit in? Does he stick out that badly? [15:01] Iya     It's true! [15:03] Chibi     Well, if you put it that way,     I'm in a lot of trouble, too. [15:07] Chibi     I like oden, I'm bald, and I have     verbal tics like "idjit" and "damn it!" [15:11] Chibi     I'm the epitome of the Showa era. [15:13] Iya     No, you're safe, just barely. [15:15] Chibi     Huh? [15:16] Iya     Me feels like you're still able     to fit in with the others. [15:20] Iya     Me realizes this. [15:24] Oso     Hey, maybe this is all about relatability... [15:27] Both     Relatability? [15:28] Oso     I'm not sure, I'm not entirely sure, [15:31] Oso     but I think in order to be liked,     you have to be relatable. [15:35] Oso     Like when you watch someone and go,     "Hey! I went through that, too!" [15:39] Oso     Or, "Yeah, I totally get that!"     Something like that. [15:41] Chibi     Oh, like familiarity. [15:43] Oso     Exactly! Iyami doesn't     have any... Like, at all! [15:47] Chibi     Not... at all! [15:49] Oso     You're just as shitty as the rest of us, [15:52] Oso     but you're sort of on a high horse. [15:54] Chibi     You're a shithead on another level. [15:56] Chibi     So no one really feels like rooting     for you or cheering you on. [15:59] Oso     Come down to Earth a bit more, Iyami. [16:03] Chibi     Come on down, Iyami. [16:06] Oso     But, you know... [16:09] Oso     If he actually does come down,     he just won't be Iyami anymore. [16:12] Chibi     Exactly! That's the hard part! [16:15] Oso     Yeah. We want you to stay as you are, Iyami. [16:18] Chibi     Actually, Iyami needs to stay Iyami. [16:20] Oso     Okay, I guess we'll just     leave things as they are. [16:22] Chibi     Yup, as is. [16:25] Iya     Hold it! [16:27] Iya     Why did you give up?! [16:29] Iya     Think about this a little longer! [16:35] Chibi     Hey, can I say something? [16:38] Chibi     In my opinion, I think the     problem is the way you talk. [16:42] Oso     The way he talks? [16:43] Chibi     I mean, I've got my own tics,     but Iyami's pretty special. [16:47] Chibi     That tic at the end of his sentences just [16:50] Chibi     doesn't allow him to keep     up with conversations. [16:54] Iya     Me feels the same way! [16:56] Iya     You're pretty spot on! [16:58] Chibi     Ain't I, though? [17:01] Iya     It's finally clear! [17:04] Iya     Me just has to change the way me talks! [17:07] Iya     Then me won't be so out of place. [17:09] Both     Huh?! [17:10] Oso     Change the way... you talk? [17:12] Chibi     Can you actually do that? [17:14] Iya     Easy-peasy. [17:16] Iya     Here we go. [17:18] Iya     Seriously, how can I get more popular? [17:22] Iya     No, really, what do you guys think? [17:24] Oso     No, no, no, no! [17:25] Iya     I'm Iyami. [17:26] Chib     No, no, no, no! [17:27] Iya     I'm, like, a huge star. [17:29] Oso     Who the heck are you?     You're not Iyami anymore! [17:31] Oso     You're like some boring president! [17:32] Iya     Bring Jyushimatsu over here. [17:33] Iya     That little shit's got a big     head since he got so popular. [17:35] Oso     President, please stop! [17:36] Iya     Huh? I mean, I even used to     sing the ending theme! [17:39] Chibi     Suzu-san! [17:40] Iya     I used to sing the damn ending! [17:42] Iya     I thought I'd be way more popular!     I used to be the star! [17:45] Iya     Sheeeh... [17:47] Iya     It's no use... [17:49] Oso     That was close... We almost     destroyed the Showa-era character. [17:54] Iya     What should me do? [17:56] Iya     All of my potential is going to waste. [18:00] Iya     Come on, you two, think! Give me ideas! [18:04] Oso     Well, then, why don't you think     of a new line other than "sheeeh"? [18:10] Chib     Yeah, that's a good idea. [18:12] Chib     Stop relying on sheeeh forever, man. [18:15] Oso     Go beyond sheeeh, Iyami. [18:17] Chib     Go beyond sheeeh, Iyami. [18:20] Iya     G-Go beyond sheeeh? [18:22] Oso     Go on. [18:23] Chib     Go on. [18:24] Oso     Come on, something new. [18:25] Chib     Something new. [18:27] Oso     Something that's super funny! [18:29] Chib     Something that'd be super popular. [18:31] Both     Hurry up. [18:36] Iya     M-Me can't... Me... [18:39] Prod     Are you still at it? [18:42] Prod     A new line? There's absolutely     no point in that. [18:46] Prod     Honestly, [18:46] Prod     you coming up with something like that     on purpose isn't funny, and it's annoying! [18:52] Prod     Hits and popularity are based on     sheer luck. Don't get the wrong idea. [18:55] Prod     Also, even if you changed     it up now, there's no time. [18:58] Prod     We only have two more episodes. [19:00] Prod     Two more episodes until the last episode! [19:02] Prod     So why are you wasting time like this? [19:05] Prod     Could you work on that first?     Could you change that? [19:09] Prod     Right, so let's give up a few things. [19:12] Prod     Let's work hard on our last two episodes. [19:14] Prod     Dismissed! [19:22] Oso     Iyami! [19:24] Chibi     Iyami! [19:24] Oso     Iyami, don't! [19:26] Chibi     Don't do it! [19:27] Oso     It'll be okay! It'll be okay! [19:28] Chibi     Yeah! You can get through two episodes! [19:30] Oso     Iyami! Iyami! SIGN    End [19:31] Chibi     Iyami! Iyami! [19:31] Oso     Just say sheeeh! [19:31] Chibi     It'll be okay! [19:32] Oso     Sheeeh! SIGN    Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya SIGN    Jigae pot SIGN    "The Late Night Himatsuya 3" [21:06] Choro     So, what should we do about work? [21:08] Ichi     We're basically reaching our time limit. [21:12] Kara     But, you know... [21:13] All     Huh? [21:14] Kara     I just don't know what job I'm cut out to do. [21:18] Oso     Oh, I see. [21:20] Jyu     There's only one job for you,     Karamatsu-niisan. [21:23] Kara     Huh? [21:24] Jyu     A charismatic model! [21:25] Jyu     A charismatic model?! Ah... I see. [21:29] Todo     Because you're so hot! [21:30] Choro     Your face scores 100! You're so sharp! [21:32] Oso     Your body's pretty hot, too. [21:34] Ichi     You're something else. [21:35] Jyu     Something else! [21:36] Choro     Okay! That's what I'll be, then! [21:39] All     Yeah, totally! [21:42] Choro     Hey! What about me? [21:44] Choro     What work should I do? [21:46] Kara     Become the Prime Minister! Duh! [21:48] Choro     The Prime Minister, eh? I see... [21:51] Oso     Because you're so reliable! [21:52] Todo     And you're so righteous! [21:54] Ichi     Please bring this country together. [21:56] Jyu     Lead us fools. [21:57] Kara     Lead us, Choromatsu! [21:59] Choro     All right. I'll become     the Prime Minister, then. [22:01] All     Yeah, totally! [22:03] Oso     What about me? [22:04] Ichi     The president of some super big company! [22:07] Oso     President?! I knew it! [22:10] Todo     I mean, you are the eldest. [22:11] Jyu     You have the ability to     stand above the others! [22:13] Kara     Men love you, too. [22:15] Choro     Born with talent! [22:16] Ichi     Amazing! [22:18] Oso     Okay! I'll become a president! [22:20] All     Yeah, totally! [22:22] Ichi     What about me? [22:23] Todo     You should be a doctor, Ichimatsu-niisan. [22:25] Ichi     A doctor? I see. [22:27] Jyu     You have the kindness and finesse     to understand another's pain. [22:30] Oso     You're attentive. [22:31] Kara     And you're super smart. [22:33] Choro     A wise cat always hides his claws! [22:35] Todo     But we know how awesome you are! [22:37] Ichi     Got it. I'll become a doctor. [22:38] All     Yeah, totally! [22:41] Todo     What about me? [22:42] Jyu     A super rich celebrity! [22:44] Todo     A celebrity, huh? Yeah,     I can't argue with that. [22:47] Choro     Manual labor doesn't suit you. [22:49] Ichi     You'll always be one of those     blessed guys at the top. [22:51] Kara     That's what you were destined for. [22:52] Oso     We're all hoping for your happiness. [22:55] Jyu     We know it'll happen. [22:56] Todo     Well, I guess I'll become a celebrity, then. [22:59] All     Yeah, totally! [23:00] Jyu     What about me? [23:02] Todo     A gold medalist! [23:03] Jyu     A gold medalist, huh? I see! [23:06] Kara     You have the ability to     become a national star! [23:08] Ichi     Superstar! [23:10] Choro     Give Japan hope! [23:11] Oso     Bring us happiness! [23:13] Todo     Your aura's totally different! [23:14] Jyu     Okay. I'll become a gold medalist, then. [23:17] Five     Yeah, totally! [23:19] Oso     Man, we're so amazing. [23:22] Oso     A charismatic model,     the Prime Minister, a president, [23:25] Oso     a doctor, a celebrity, and a gold medalist. [23:28] Oso     We're such a group of winners!     We've basically already won. [23:32] Oso     Hooray! [23:34] Five     Hooray! [23:35] Oso     Hooray! [23:36] Five     Hooray! SIGN    End E24 - Cherry Blossoms Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    "Cherry Blossoms" [01:44] Mom     You're late! What time do you think it is?! [01:46] Mom     Honestly, waking up so     late every single day! [01:49] Oso     Sorry... [01:51] Ichi     Sorry... [01:52] Jyu     Sorry. [01:54] Mom     Jeez. Hurry up and eat your breakfast. [01:57] All     'Kay... [02:08] Choro     Wait, wait, wait. [02:09] Totty     Nope, nope, nope. [02:10] Choro     I haven't even had one yet. [02:12] Totty     I haven't, either. [02:14] Todo     The hell? Did someone eat two, then? [02:17] Choro     Come on! [02:18] Oso     Why are you looking at me? I only ate one! [02:21] Todo     Here. [02:22] Todo     As punishment, drink all of this soy sauce. [02:23] Oso     I'm telling you I didn't take it! [02:25] Oso     Come on, Karamatsu, say something! [02:28] Kara     You definitely took it. [02:29] Oso     Why?! [02:30] Oso     False accusations!     That's a false accusation, sir! [02:36] Ichi     Huh? [02:38] Ichi     Huh? [02:42] Choro     Come on, you're in the way. [02:44] Todo     Go away. [02:45] Ichi     Show some courtesy, you jerks! [02:47] Kara     Jyushimatsu! [02:48] Jyu     Karamatsu-niisan! [02:49] Oso     I told you, you jerks, you're in my way! [03:03] All     We're heading out. [03:05] Mom     Okay, see you boys later. [03:07] Mom     I just see them off every time,     but I wonder where they go. [03:14] Mom     Why? [03:20] Todo     I'm still tired. [03:22] Jyu     Did you watch yesterday? [03:23] Choro     Watch what? [03:24] Jyu     The show about giant creatures. [03:26] Kara     Oh, that's on tonight. [03:28] Jyu     Oh, it's tonight? [03:30] Oso     It's starting to get warm again. [03:33] Ichi     It's flower-viewing season. [03:34] Oso     Cherry blossoms should start blooming soon. [03:36] Oso     If we have time, going flower-viewing     wouldn't be a bad idea. [03:39] Choro     Uh, we have time every day.     More than we know what to do with. [03:42] Jyu     True. [03:48] Choro     Todomatsu. [03:51] Choro     Todomatsu? [03:52] Todo     Hmm? [03:53] Choro     Your phone's ringing. [03:55] Todo     Oh. [03:57] Todo     Huh? It's Mom. [04:01] Todo     Yeah, hello? [04:03] Todo     Yeah. [04:05] Todo     Huh? [04:07] Todo     What?! SIGN    Akatsuka Hospital [04:14] Kara     Dad! [04:15] Jyu     Dad?! [04:24] Choro     Wh-What's going on? [04:27] Choro     What happened? Hey! [04:28] Mom     Calm down, for goodness' sake. [04:30] Ichi     Dad! [04:31] Mom     He's asleep! [04:32] Todo     Dad! [04:33] Mom     Stop it, all of you! [04:51] Mom     Go on. Head on home. [04:56] Mom     He'll be okay. The doctor also     said he'll be better in no time. [05:00] Mom     Also, I need you to bring some towels     and a change of clothes from home. [05:05] Mom     Okay? Please? [05:09] Oso     Okay. [05:13] Oso     Hey, let's go. [05:22] Oso     Todomatsu. SIGN    Akatsuka Hospital SIGN    A Few Days Later [05:47] Dad     Looks like I've been asleep     for quite a while. [05:51] Dad     It's probably time... [05:55] Dad     Dear, I have something serious     to discuss with you. [05:59] Mom     What is it? [06:01] Dad     I only need one. [06:04] Dad     Could you go buy me a beer? [06:05] Mom     No. [06:10] Dad     It didn't work. [06:18] Jyu     That sure startled me. [06:21] Ichi     Yeah. [06:22] Choro     I really panicked. [06:24] Kara     Same here. [06:26] Todo     But thank goodness he's okay. [06:29] All     Yeah. [06:32] Choro     It's our fault, isn't it? [06:34] All     Huh? [06:35] Choro     I mean, our whole family     basically depends on Dad. [06:39] Choro     It's not surprising something     like this would happen. [06:42] Choro     And there's six of us. We're so pathetic. [06:48] Oso     What should we do now? [06:51] All     Huh? [06:52] Oso     Maybe we finally need     to do things properly. [06:56] Three     Huh? [06:59] Kara     Huh? [06:59] Oso     Well, what I'm saying is,     we've sort of lazed through life. [07:05] Oso     I was just thinking, maybe it's     time we did something about it. [07:08] Oso     You know, like... f-find jobs? [07:12] Oso     And, uh, become independent?     Or something like that... [07:19] Todo     Wow, he actually said it. [07:21] Oso     Huh? [07:22] Jyu     This sucks. I never thought     he'd actually say it out loud. [07:25] Oso     Huh? [07:26] Ichi     Great. Now we can't ignore it anymore. [07:30] Choro     We're gonna have to face it now. [07:32] Kara     Jesus. [07:33] Oso     Hey— [07:38] Oso     What?! Why are you guys acting     like I did something wrong? [07:40] Oso     I said something decent for once! [07:42] Todo     What brought this on? [07:44] Todo     It's not like we'd just accept     you suddenly trying to act [07:48] Todo     like a proper older brother. [07:50] Jyu     Actually, it's sort of creepy. [07:52] Ichi     Gross. [07:53] Oso     Tell me how you really feel... [07:55] Kara     Can I say something? [07:56] All     Huh? [07:57] Kara     Sorry to completely cut off where     this conversation is going, [08:00] Kara     but to be honest, finding jobs and     becoming independent sounds like a pain. [08:04] Todo     What a pain! This sucks! [08:06] Jyu     I wanna run away! [08:09] Oso     I totally understand, but... [08:11] Ichi     I actually have no confidence     I can do any of that. [08:14] Choro     Yeah, it's just making me anxious. [08:16] Oso     Don't worry about it.     It'll be easy as one, two, three. [08:20] Oso     One, two, three, A, B, C. It'll be a cinch. [08:23] All     Huh? [08:24] Oso     One, two, three, A, B, C... [08:27] Choro     What are you talking about? [08:28] Oso     Finding a job? Becoming independent? [08:30] Oso     It'll be easy as one,     two, three, and A, B, C. [08:32] Choro     Oh, whatever. Where's that     confidence coming from, anyway? [08:39] Kara     But we don't have any other     choice anymore, do we? [08:43] Ichi     We really don't. [08:45] Jyu     We have to do things properly. [08:47] ---     Yeah. [08:54] Oso     All right. Well, shall we? [09:02] All     Let's go! [09:04] Kara     All right, I accept! [09:05] All     Huh? [09:06] Kara     Let's be reborn, starting today. [09:08] Kara     Let's show them what we can really do... [09:10] Kara     Our awakened selves! [09:12] Kara     Let's show them, brothers! [09:16] Kara     Oh, did we not need that? [09:19] All     Nope, nope. SIGN    Akatsuka Hospital SIGN    Akatsuka Hospital SIGN    Dad Exams Wed, Fri every week [10:13] Oso     Let's see... [10:15] Oso     What else do I need to buy? SIGN    We're hiring!     960 yen an hour     Students and     part-timers      welcome SIGN    A Complete Guide to Getting Qualifications [10:28] Kara     Qualifications, huh? [10:41] Todo     Well, I'm headed this way. [10:42] Choro     Okay. [10:43] Jyu     See you later! [10:53] Todo     Hello? [10:55] Todo     Sorry, there was something     I wanted to talk to you about. SIGN    Employment Agency [11:06] Kid     Over here! [11:08] Kid     Wait! SIGN    We're hiring!     960 yen an hour     Students and      part-timers     welcome [11:45] TV     Give me all your money! [11:46] Tv     Uh, we're a candy store.     We only have change. [11:48] Tv     Give me all your money! [11:49] Tv     We only have change! [11:54] Oso     Thanks for dinner. [11:55] Mom     Sure. [11:57] Jyu     I'm home. [12:00] Dad     Welcome home. [12:02] Jyu     So tired! [12:07] Oso     Hey. Work? [12:08] Jyu     Yeah. [12:10] Oso     Wanna go to the bath? [12:11] Jyu     Nah. [12:12] Oso     'Kay. [12:14] Mom     Oh, welcome home. Want some dinner? [12:16] Jyu     Nope. I ate with everyone else. [12:29] Guy     Give me an egg and one daikon. [12:30] Chibi     You got it! [12:31] Guy     Another beer, please. [12:32] Chibi     Comin' up! [12:34] Chibi     Ichimatsu, could you go clear some plates? [12:37] Ichi     Sure. [12:39] Ichi     Pardon me. I'll take your plates for you. [12:42] Kara     Oh, brother! [12:44] Kara     You came! Thank you! [12:46] Ichi     Get away from me. [12:47] Kara     Hey, guys! Let me introduce you     to the brother I love so much! [12:51] Ichi     Yeah, let's not. [12:53] Ichi     Just sit down and drink. [12:58] Guy     Matsuno, everything you     say is so embarrassing. [13:01] Guy     Yeah, totally. [13:03] Ichi     Heh. He gets treated the same,     no matter where he goes. SIGN    Chinese Cafeteria Himatsuya SIGN    Jigae pot [13:11] Guy     Hey, Matsuno, hurry up! [13:13] Todo     Coming! [13:16] Todo     Sorry about that. [13:16] Guy     What are you doing? You know you're     stuck with us until morning, right? [13:20] Todo     Roger! [13:22] Guy     I forgot. Can you hold your liquor? [13:24] Todo     No doubt. I won't lose to Sugi-san. [13:26] Guy     What? We'll just see about that! [13:47] Oso     Who the... [13:50] Oso     Jeez, that was you? That hurt, damn it. [13:55] Choro     Did you hear about Dad? [13:58] Choro     His levels went down. [14:04] Oso     Huh... That's good. [14:07] ---     Yeah. [14:11] Oso     That hurt, you ass! [14:13] Choro     Sorry. SIGN    Tokyo SIGN    Studio vs. 1K     What Are the "Deposit and Key Money"     That You Should Know About By Now?     What Are Front-End Payments? SIGN    Chinese Restaurant [14:50] Guy     Matsuno! [14:51] Oso     Coming! SIGN    Akatsuka Mart SIGN    No longer serving oden [14:56] Girl     Thank you very much. SIGN    Pay Matsuno Osomatsu [15:19] Oso     Yes! Thank you! [15:23] Oso     Oh, hey, Iyami! [15:25] Oso     Where've you been?     I haven't seen you in forever. [15:27] Iya     Ah, Karamatsu. [15:30] Oso     I'm Osomatsu. [15:31] Oso     What's with the get-up? [15:34] Iya     Me is going to go find some buried treasure! [15:37] Oso     Buried treasure? [15:38] Iya     Right here. [15:40] Iya     From what I've heard,     there's a bunch of treasure here. [15:44] Iya     It's said to be worth one     billion yen! Sheeeh! [15:48] Iya     Want to come? Me is feeling generous     and will let you come along. [15:53] Oso     Oh... [15:55] Oso     N-Nah, I'll pass. [15:58] Oso     I have work tomorrow. [16:05] Oso     That guy... [16:10] Iya     Me is going to go look for buried treasure! [16:13] Deka     So full of dreams! [16:15] Dayon     I can't wait! [16:17] Hata     I'm so excited, jo! [16:29] Oso     I'm home. [16:33] Oso     I'm home. [16:41] Oso     I'm hom— [17:07] Ichi     What's up? [17:09] Oso     Where are the others? [17:10] Ichi     Huh? [17:11] Oso     Where's Todomatsu? [17:14] Ichi     Huh? Uh, I don't know. [17:17] Oso     What about Jyushimatsu? And Choromatsu? [17:21] Oso     And Karamatsu? [17:22] Ichi     Huh? I don't know. [17:27] Ichi     Osomatsu-niisan? [17:37] Girl 1     Isn't that insane? [17:38] Girl 2     Yeah, totally. [18:50] Toto     Osomatsu-kun? [18:59] Oso     When my dad collapsed, I was really scared. [19:04] Oso     What if he dies? What's     going to happen to us? [19:09] Oso     What's Mom going to do? [19:14] Oso     So I thought about it real hard. [19:18] Oso     But should it really be like this? [19:21] Oso     I just don't know. I don't. [19:24] Oso     Am I proper now? What does     that even mean, anyway? [19:29] Oso     How the hell should I know? [19:35] Oso     I also feel a bit lonely... [19:38] Oso     We're all separated now... [19:41] Oso     Things just don't seem     to go like they used to. [19:47] Oso     But I guess that can't be helped. [19:50] Oso     It can't be helped? It can't? [19:54] Oso     Really? [19:58] Oso     Am I cool? [20:02] Oso     Am I okay? Am I still Osomatsu? [20:06] Toto     But you were never cool to     begin with, Osomatsu-kun. [20:12] Oso     I see. I guess you're right. [20:19] Oso     After seeing Dad like that,     we all worked really hard. [20:23] Oso     That's a good thing. I know that. [20:26] Oso     But you know, there's a part of     me that thinks it doesn't matter. [20:31] Oso     I mean, it doesn't, does it? [20:32] Oso     The fact that Dad collapsed, and us... [20:35] Oso     I think that's why I feel     like something's not right. [20:38] Oso     I want to decide things for myself, [20:41] Oso     but I just can't seem to decide lately. [20:46] Oso     I wonder what the others think... [20:52] Toto     Why don't you decide for yourself? [20:55] Toto     You just said that. [20:58] Toto     That you want to decide things for yourself. [21:17] Oso     I guess I'll go home. [21:19] Oso     Sorry about that.     That must've been really boring. [21:22] Toto     Yeah, it was super boring. [21:24] Oso     What?! [21:38] Oso     Totoko-chan. [21:39] Toto     Hmm? [21:41] Oso     Thanks. [21:42] Toto     No problem! [21:51] Oso     All right, gather round! [21:54] Oso     Gather round! Gather round! [21:56] Choro     Shut the hell up! [21:58] Todo     What the hell are you thinking? [21:59] Kara     Do you know what time it is? [22:00] Ichi     I'll kill you! [22:01] Jyu     Imma kill you! [22:04] Oso     Well, it's actually not that big of a deal. [22:08] Oso     There's just something     I want to say to you guys. [22:13] All     Huh? SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Next Time: The Final Episode!! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [23:49] Oso     So, next time is the final episode! [23:51] All     Watch it! E25 - Mr. Osomatsu in Hell Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:06] Oso     Well, it's actually not that big of a deal. [00:10] Oso     There's just something     I want to say to you guys. [00:14] All     Huh? [00:16] Iyami     Sheeeh! Treasure hunting! [00:20] Iyami     Treasure hunting by yourself is always best! [00:23] Iyami     Me will be the only one getting rich!     Me will be the only one who's happy! [00:31] Iyami     Sheh! [00:32] Oso     So... I've been thinking... [00:37] Iyami     Sheeeh! [00:41] Iyami     Sheeeh! [00:44] ---     Sheeeh! [02:32] Choro     Huh? [02:33] Choro     Where are we? [02:35] Kara     What is this place? [02:37] Jyu     What happened? [02:39] Todo     No idea. I have no idea, but... [02:42] Todo     We're wearing white robes, right? [02:44] All     Yeah. [02:45] Todo     We have this triangle thing     on our heads, right? [02:47] All     Yeah. [02:48] Todo     And that's a river, right? [02:49] All     Yeah. [02:50] Todo     And the dead are going     across that river, right? [02:53] All     Yeah... [02:54] Todo     We're dead, aren't we? [02:59] Choro     We're dead! [03:00] Jyu     Seriously?! [03:02] Kara     What's going on? How did this happen?! [03:04] Todo     I don't remember a thing! [03:07] Ichi     Yeah, but... there's nothing we can do, right? [03:10] Ichi     Today's the last episode. [03:13] Ichi     It's all over today, anyway. [03:14] All     Ah... [03:16] All     I see! [03:18] Kara     Good point. It's the end,     so all that's left is for us to die. SIGN    "Mr. Osomatsu in Hell" [03:21] Jyu     No wonder we're dead! [03:23] Choro     We're so dead! [03:24] Todo     Done for! [03:25] Ichi     Great work, guys. [03:27] Jyu     Thanks! [03:28] All     Underworld! Underworld, Underworld! [03:30] All     Underworld! Underworld, Underworld! [03:32] All     Underworld! Underworld, Underworld! [03:34] All     Underworld! Underworld, Underworld! [03:36] All     Underworld! Underworld, Underworld! [03:36] Choro     What's wrong? [03:38] All     Underworld... Underworld, Underworld! [03:38] Oso     I just... [03:40] All     Underworld... Underworld, Underworld! [03:40] Oso     have a feeling I've forgotten     something really important. [03:44] Choro     Something important? [03:45] Choro     Oh, yeah. You were about to say     something right before we died... [03:50] Oso     What was it? [03:51] Oso     I can't shake the feeling that I was     supposed to tell you guys something. [03:55] Oso     Um... [04:06] Nya     I didn't hang out with you guys much,     but rest in peace. [04:12] Chibi     Dekapan! [04:13] Chibi     Are those supposed to be     your funeral clothes? [04:15] Deka     They are. [04:20] Choro     So... [04:22] Choro     What's this really important thing? [04:26] Kara     Hey! [04:27] Kara     It looks like we're here. [04:31] Oni     Welcome, souls of the dead! SIGN    Good [04:34] Oni     This is the room of judgment,     where we will decide SIGN    Bad [04:38] Oni     whether you'll go to Heaven [04:41] Oni     or get thrown into Hell! [04:43] Todo     Yup. Got it. [04:44] Oni     Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it! [04:48] Oni     This is the one who'll decide where you go. [04:52] Oni     The great King Enma! SIGN    Chairman [05:05] Bros     Huh? [05:07] Bros     Wait, what?! [05:09] Bros     Huh? [05:11] Ichi     That's Hijirisawa Shonosuke, isn't it? [05:13] Jyu     Yup. [05:14] Kara     What's going on? [05:16] Enma     I'm King Enma. [05:18] All     Huh? [05:18] Enma     I'm Enma. [05:20] All     Huh?! [05:21] Enma     I've been keepin' an eye on your daily     lives for the sake of this day, [05:26] Enma     observin' to see if y'all were good or bad. [05:32] Enma     But in reality... [05:41] Enma     I'm King Enma. [05:42] All     What?! [05:44] Oso     You are?! [05:45] Todo     That startled me! [05:47] Enma     Okay, I'm gonna judge y'all now. [05:50] Enma     And to Hell y'all go. [05:53] Choro     Wait! That was too fast! SIGN    To Hell [05:57] Todo     That's dangerous! The hell     are you doing, Enma?! [05:59] Ichi     Enma, you jerk! [06:00] Choro     What the hell?! [06:01] Jyu     Don't mess with us! [06:05] Toto     On March 26th, the six of them     unfortunately passed on. [06:10] Toto     Their lifelong career as NEETs     was cut all too short, [06:14] Toto     and they were headed toward recovery,     so this is truly tragic. [06:19] Toto     They were all wonderful people,     and I only have great memories. [06:22] Toto     For example... [06:24] Toto     Uh... For example... [06:27] Toto     Huh? [06:30] Toto     Huh? [06:31] Oso     Why are we being sent to Hell?! [06:34] All     Yeah, yeah! [06:35] Enma     Well, ya ain't goin' to     Heaven! Why would you? [06:38] Oso     There're plenty of reasons!     We've done so many good things! [06:42] All     Yeah, yeah! [06:44] Enma     Fer example? [06:45] Oso     For example? [06:49] Oso     For example, you know... [06:52] Oso     Totty. [06:53] Todo     Hmm? [06:53] Oso     Tell the man. [06:54] Todo     What?! [06:55] Todo     Well, y-you know... For example... [06:59] Todo     Like helping people out? [07:01] Todo     Also, we may or may not have     treated our parents well... [07:04] Todo     I think I've heard rumors of such. [07:07] Enma     Couldja be more specific? [07:08] Todo     Specific? Well, Jyushimatsu-niisan     can tell you all about that. [07:13] Jyu     Huh?! [07:13] Jyu     Uh... Well, anyway, we lived lives     worthy of an eternity in Heaven. [07:19] Enma     Like, how so? [07:21] Jyu     How so, Ichimatsu-niisan? [07:23] Ichi     Huh?! I'm sure Choromatsu-niisan     will tell you. SIGN    Good [07:26] Choro     Wait, wait, wait, wait!     You tell him, Karamatsu-niisan. SIGN    Bad [07:30] Kara     Wow! Tell him, Osomatsu. [07:32] Oso     Huh?! No, you guys tell him! [07:34] Oso     We've done lots of good things! [07:37] Jyu     For example? [07:37] Oso     Huh?! For example... What did we do again? [07:42] Kara     It just so happens I can't remember. [07:44] Choro     Yeah, funny story... [07:45] All     Yup. [07:46] Enma     Y'all done? [07:47] All     Wait! [07:49] Choro     You've got it all wrong! I mean, yeah,     these bastards are bound for Hell, [07:53] Choro     but I deserve to go to Heaven. [07:55] All     Huh?! [07:56] Choro     I mean, I'm so earnest, and I work so hard! [07:59] Choro     So I get to go to Heaven, right? [08:03] Kara     It's me who should go to Heaven! [08:05] Kara     Why is someone as cool and     kind as me going to Hell? [08:09] Kara     Wake up. [08:10] Ichi     You wake up! [08:11] Ichi     I'm the only one who     deserves to go to Heaven, [08:13] Ichi     because I'm the only one who     acknowledges I'm trash. [08:15] Ichi     I'm humble, reserved...     I'm a really good person. [08:19] Todo     How?! [08:20] Todo     King Enma! I don't think     I deserve Heaven at all! [08:20] Oni     Yeah, I think it might take a little longer...     Huh? There's a huge line? [08:23] Todo     Because I'm a terrible person!     I regret everything I've done, so... [08:24] Oni     Yeah, sorry about that. [08:25] Jyushi     Would you stop with that ploy?! [08:29] Jyu     I should go to Heaven! [08:30] Jyu     Because I'm the funniest     and the most popular! Thanks! [08:34] Oso     Shut up! [08:35] Jyu     Boeh! [08:35] Oso     Just hurry up and send me to Heaven! [08:38] Oso     These guys deserve Hell. Because... [08:41] Oso     That's just the man I am. [08:42] Choro     The hell are you talking about?! [08:44] Kara     Brother! Hurry up and go to Hell! [08:46] Ichi     No, you're going to Hell! [08:48] Todo     You shitty NEET! [08:49] Jyu     You're a shitty NEET, too! [08:53] Enma     Hey! [08:55] Enma     So, what'd y'all decide? [08:57] Enma     Point to the person y'all think     should go to Hell when I say so. [09:00] Enma     Here we go. Ready, and... [09:03] Enma     And done. SIGN    To Hell [09:09] Enma     Have a nice time in Hell! [09:18] Chibi     Hey! What're you doing?! SIGN    Matsuno Family Funeral [09:21] Chibi     You guys... [09:23] Both     Wait! [09:28] Toto     What? You're taking them in that truck? [09:31] Dad     We couldn't afford anything else. [09:33] Dad     But this is more than enough     for our idiots, anyway. [09:37] Toto     Probably. [09:41] Mom     Well, see you later. [09:43] Deka     Be careful. [09:45] Dayon     We'll catch up with you later. [09:47] Hata     Bye-bye, jo. [10:06] Toto     Chibita-kun? [10:17] Jyu     Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! [10:17] Choro     Ow! It hurts! It hurts! [10:20] Jyu     The hell are you doing?! [10:22] Todo     Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [10:23] Kara     Hot! Hot! [10:25] Todo     Hot, hot! [10:26] Todo     Take that! [10:28] Todo     Hot, hot, hot! [10:37] Oso     Huh? They grew back. [10:39] Lady     Okay, one more time. [10:40] Oso     Huh? [10:52] Jyushi     Bring it! [10:58] Jyushi     One more! [10:59] Both     That's enough! [11:03] Jyu     Not done yet! [11:04] Both     Thank you, we're done. [11:07] Jyu     Not done yet! [11:08] Both     No more! [11:09] Jyu     Not done yet! [11:10] Both     No more! [11:11] Jyu     Not done yet... [11:12] Both     Jyushimatsu... [11:17] Girls     Kara-chun, wait! [11:18] Kara     No! [11:27] Oni     Double riichi. [11:29] Oni     Double riichi. [11:31] Oni     Double riichi. [11:35] All     Ron. Kokushi musou. [11:37] Oso     What?! [11:44] Girl 1     He's so Osomatsu! [11:45] Girl 2     So lame! [11:47] Girl     What is that? [11:48] Girl     He's so small! [11:49] Oso     This really is Hell... [11:52] Guy     All right, I'm now going to read Totty's     essays from middle school. [11:57] Todo     Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! [11:58] Guy     "I Want to Be a Flower,"     by Matsuno Todomatsu. [12:00] Todo     Wait! This is way too Hellish! Wait! [12:02] Guy     "Flowers are beautiful. Flowers are pretty." [12:04] Todo     Wait! [12:06] Guy     "I want to make my own flower     bloom. I will, one day, bloom." [12:09] Todo     There it is! The clause swap! [12:10] Todo     Everyone does it, right? Right? Right? [12:12] guy     "Blooming bathed in sunlight is the flower." [12:14] todo     Ending the sentence with a noun!     It just happens, am I right? Right?! [12:17] guy     "But I don't plan to compete with     the other flowers with my beauty." [12:21] Todo     That's enough, isn't it?! [12:22] Guy     "Because I don't have to be number one." [12:25] Todo     Uh, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea... [12:26] Guy     "Because I'm me, the only one." [12:29] Todo     Yeah, I think I've heard that phrase before! [12:31] Todo     Stuff like that happens... in middle school. [12:34] Guy     Next, we have the high school edition. [12:36] Guy     "The sky I saw on that day..." [12:37] Todo     Seriously, that's enough! [12:41] Ichi     Ow! [12:42] Choro     Hot! [12:47] Ichi     One more time. [12:49] Todo     Wait, why are you on that side? [12:51] Guy     "My Best Friend," by Matsuno Ichimatsu. [12:56] ---     Appirakonpirange! [13:01] Guy     Good job. SIGN    Hell Stamp Card     Go for Reincarnation [13:03] Guy     Just 80 quadrillion, 60 billion years     until your next reincarnation. [13:06] Guy     Keep it up. [13:13] Kara     Hey, look over there. [13:15] Oni     Work! King Enma hates the dark! [13:18] Kara     I thought I hadn't seen them in a while. [13:20] Oni     Put your heart into it and turn! [13:20] Kara     I guess they died, too. [13:22] Todo     So this is where they were. [13:24] Ichi     Hey, over there. [13:28] Ichi     Looks like he died, too. [13:30] Todo     Robots can die? [13:40] Choro     This really is the end. [13:42] Todo     I've had it... [13:43] Kara     I can't... [13:45] Ichi     Good work, guys. [13:47] Jyus     Thanks. [13:50] Iya     Sheeeh! [13:52] Oso     Iyami? [13:54] Iya     Move! The treasure's waiting for me! [13:57] Iya     Me is going treasure hunting! [14:00] Oso     Treasure hunting? [14:06] Oso     I remember! [14:08] Choro     Remember what? [14:08] Oso     You know! The thing I forgot! [14:11] Choro     Finally?! You remember? [14:13] Oso     Yeah! [14:13] Todo     What? [14:13] Kara     What is it? [14:15] Oso     Listen up, guys... [14:22] Oso     We've gone to Hell, so we've     pretty much given up, but... [14:29] Oso     Weren't we all... [14:31] Oso     still virgins? [14:33] Choro     Huh? [14:34] Choro     Er... [14:35] Choro     Um... [14:37] Choro     No, no... [14:38] All     True! [14:39] Choro     No, no, no! [14:39] Kara     That's right! We were still virgins! [14:42] Jyu     And yet we died?! Did we give up? [14:44] Ichi     How stupid... [14:45] Todo     Crap! We have to hurry up and be reborn! [14:48] Choro     Hold it! [14:50] Choro     Weren't you going to tell us something     really important right before we died?! [14:55] Choro     What happened to the     rest of that conversation?! [14:57] Oso     Huh? Say what? [14:58] Choro     Huh?! [14:59] Ichi     Choro-chan, who even cares about     that lame-ass topic right now? [15:03] Ichi     We died as virgins.     That's way more important, isn't it? [15:09] Choro     True! [15:10] Ichi     Right. [15:12] Chibi     Sensei, we can't just give up... [15:16] Hata     It's so lonely, jo! [15:17] Deka     Can't you do something? [15:20] Dayon     Please do something! [15:22] Toto     Please, Sensei! [15:23] Choro     What are we going to do?! [15:25] Choro     I wanna do it now! I wanna go back now! [15:27] Kara     Yeah, but... [15:29] Oso     Ugh! Jeez! [15:30] All     What are we gonna do?! [15:33] All     Do something, Akatsuka-sensei! [15:42] Jyu     Hey, look! [15:53] Todo     Wait, if we climb that,     will we be brought back to life? [15:56] Todo     Seriously?! [15:57] Kara     All right, you virgins!     Time to come back to life! [16:00] All     Yeah! [16:01] Enma     Hang on there. [16:04] Enma     Y'all died. [16:06] Enma     Give it up! [16:10] Choro     Wait, wait, wait, wait! [16:11] Ichi     Let go! [16:12] Jyu     Hurgh! [16:13] Kara     We still... [16:14] Todo     Sensei! [16:15] All     Save us! [16:20] Jyu     What are you laughing at?! [16:22] Ichi     Get a grip, Fujio! [16:23] Kara     Save us, Fujio! [16:24] Choro     You bastard creator! [16:27] Chibi     The hell?! [16:32] Toto     Take that! [16:35] All     What?! [16:41] All     E-Everyone! [16:43] Todo     Why are you here? How?! [16:47] Chibi     You guys still haven't paid your tab. [16:50] Chibi     Who gave you permission to die,     you idjits, damn it?! [16:53] Toto     Honestly! [16:55] Toto     Hurry up and come back to life... [16:57] Toto     and flatter me to death! [16:59] Hata     Friends, jo! [17:02] Deka     It's not over yet! [17:03] Dayon     Don't give up yet, young men! [17:06] Five     Leave this to us, and go! [17:10] Todo     Everyone... Thank you. [17:13] Kara     Let's go! [17:27] Six     We're finished! [17:32] Six     Y-You're... [17:34] Six     Propershitter! [17:37] Todo     Leave this to us. [17:40] Jyu     We can't let them finish you just yet. [17:42] Ichi     We are all one. [17:44] Choro     Give us another chance. [17:48] Kara     We've already got our new song ready. [17:50] Oso     Don't worry. We sextuplets are invincible. [17:54] Oso     Okay... [17:55] Oso     Here we go, guys! [17:58] All     F6! [18:11] All     They're doing it properly! [18:13] Kara     Why are you just standing there?! [18:15] Jyu     Get brought back to life and Seccross! [18:16] All     Yeah! [18:18] Chibi     We're not... [18:19] Toto     ...the only ones on your side! [18:22] Both     Run and don't look back! [18:26] Oso     Sousou! [18:27] Choro     Maikomatsu! [18:29] Todo     Everyone! [18:33] Sane     Brothers! [18:35] Sane     Brothers! [18:38] Six     Sanematsu! [18:39] Jyu     You're dead, too? I guess     I had a feeling you might be! [18:44] Jyu     Nice, Sanematsu! [18:45] Kara     Run! [19:07] Osom     We're not going to let it end... [19:10] All     ...like this! [19:12] Oso     All right! [19:18] Oso     Huh?! What the hell are you doing, Iyami? [19:23] Ichi     Hey, hey, hey! [19:24] Jyu     Iyami! [19:28] Iyami     Sheeeh! It's going to break! [19:31] Kara     Hey! [19:33] Iya     Stay back! Get off! [19:38] Oso     Why, you... [19:39] Iya     Osomatsu! [19:40] Oso     Iyami! [19:50] Iyami     Sheeeh! [19:58] All     Final Propershitter! [20:29] Choro     Wait, what are you going to do?! [20:31] Todo     No way! [20:35] Chibi     Go! [20:37] Six     Stop! [20:45] All     Sheeeh! [21:12] Chibi     What happened? [21:13] Deka     Did they make it? SIGN    Next Life SIGN    Sextuplets [21:32] Oso     We're back! [21:34] All     We're back! [21:36] Dad     W-Welcome back? [21:38] Mom     Welcome back... [21:45] Todo     Our bodies decayed! [21:47] Choro     Shit! I'm on fire! [21:48] Kara     Hot, hot, hot! [21:49] Ichi     Hey, my eyeball fell out. [21:50] Jyu     My dick fell off, too! [21:52] Oso     What was the point in coming back to life?! [21:54] Choro     The hell?! [21:54] Jyu     Crap! My balls fell off, too! [21:56] Oso     Seriously?! [21:57] Kara     What the hell?! SIGN    Iyami's grave [22:04] Iya     Sheeeh! SIGN    End SIGN    End Card Illustration Asano Naoyuki SIGN    See you again someday!! [23:39] Oso     Well, everyone... [23:40] Six     Thank you for watching! [23:45] All     Great job! [23:47] All     Great job, great job, great job! [23:47] Todo     It's over. [23:49] Oso     Yeah, it's over. [23:50] Some     So, what do you wanna do now? [23:52] Choro     What else? Let's get some prostitutes. [23:54] Todo     Prostitutes? [23:55] Oso     Is that where this is going?