# Season 1
# E2 - Let's Get a Job / The Melancholy of Osomatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRWE2KWKR/lets-get-a-job--the-melancholy-of-osomatsu)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:03] Todo**
Hey, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[00:05] Todo**
Why are you trying to act
cool at a fishing hole?
**[00:08] Todo**
Who are you trying to impress?
**[00:10] Todo**
There's no one around here
but old guys and fish.
**[00:13] Kara**
I'm just being normal.
**[00:14] Todo**
No, you're not.
**[00:16] Todo**
Stand up a second.
**[00:18] Todo**
Where did you buy those?
**[00:19] Todo**
Why would you wear those here?
It's embarrassing!
**[00:23] Todo**
Anyway, did you figure out
what kind of job to get?
**[00:26] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan told you
to look for one, didn't he?
**[00:29] Kara**
Oh, about that...
**[00:31] Todo**
Wait... Did you actually find one?
**[00:33] Kara**
In regard to work...
**[00:37] Kara**
I have no plans.
**[00:38] Todo**
Why the dramatic pause?! That's so lame!
**[00:42] Todo**
What was that for?
**[00:44] Kara**
I can't catch any.
**[00:45] Todo**
What are you using?
**[00:47] Kara**
A letter.
**[00:47] Todo**
Why?!
**[00:48] Kara**
Because I fell in love with a fish.
**[00:50] Todo**
Are you stupid?!
**[00:51] Kara**
Maybe I should use this.
**[00:52] Todo**
Just stop! You're surpassing narcissist
and going straight to psychopath!
**[00:57] Todo**
I don't wanna work.
**[00:59] Todo**
Can't we just keep living a
peaceful life like we are now?
**[01:05] Choro**
Choromatsu and...
**[01:06] Jyu**
...Jyushimatsu's...
**[01:07] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[01:09] Choro**
Aesop's Fables That Are Actually Terrifying!
***SIGN*** Aesop's Fables That Are Actually Terrifying
**[01:12] Sign**
Delivery Skit
**[01:15] Jyush**
Today's gonna be the day that
I catch the master of the lake!
**[01:19] Jyu**
I got it! I got it!
**[01:23] Jyu**
Oh, no! I dropped my pole!
**[01:28] Jyu**
What the?
**[01:31] Choro**
Jyushimatsu, did you drop
this steel Asura statue,
**[01:36] Choro**
or this Asura statue made of jelly?
**[01:40] Jyu**
No... I've never seen either before.
**[01:42] Choro**
Very good.
**[01:43] Choro**
Since you were so honest, I shall give
you this Hijirisawa Shonosuke statue.
**[01:48] Jyu**
What?! Really?!
**[01:50] Jyu**
All right!
**[01:51] Jyu**
It's a Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
I'm gonna make this my heirloom!
**[01:57] Choro**
Isn't that kinda scary?
**[02:02] Both**
What?
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Employment Office
***SIGN*** "Let's Get a Job"
***SIGN*** Let's Live a Happy Life!
**[03:36] Guy**
Matsuno Osomatsu-san, right?
**[03:38] Oso**
Yes.
**[03:39] Guy**
What job would you prefer?
**[03:41] Oso**
I want something big!
Something with charisma!
**[03:44] Oso**
I want to be a legend!
A human national treasure!
**[03:46] Guy**
Of what, exactly?
**[03:48] Guy**
Matsuno Karamatsu-san,
what job would you prefer?
**[03:52] Kara**
Silence and solitude.
**[03:54] Guy**
Could you be a little more specific?
**[03:57] Kara**
A battle with myself... A never-ending trial.
**[04:00] Kara**
Eventually, I won't even be able to sta—
**[04:03] Kara**
A public servant, please.
**[04:05] Guy**
Matsuno Choromatsu-san?
**[04:07] Choro**
Yes!
**[04:08] Choro**
This is my agenda for today.
***SIGN*** Places I Want to Work
**[04:10] Choro**
Honestly, social security is a must,
with a milestone of 200,000 fixed
**[04:14] Choro**
and committed per month.
**[04:15] Choro**
What do you think?
**[04:16] Guy**
You're annoying.
**[04:18] Guy**
Matsuno Ichimatsu-san.
What job would you prefer?
**[04:22] Ichi**
No preference, really.
I just followed everyone else.
**[04:25] Ichi**
Hey, did you just think that I was trash?
**[04:28] Ichi**
Yeah, I'm trash, garbage, unburnable
trash that has no will to live.
**[04:32] Ichi**
Hey, "unburnable trash" is a good
phrase. I'll write that down.
**[04:37] Jyu**
What? Tentacles?!
**[04:38] Jyu**
Oh, these? These tentacles?!
**[04:40] Jyu**
Yup! I can do tentacles!
**[04:41] Jyu**
Yay!
**[04:43] Todo**
Do you have a boyfriend?
**[04:44] Lady**
No.
**[04:45] Todo**
Really?
***SIGN*** Pub
**[04:49] Oso**
Man!
**[04:51] Oso**
Nothing beats a cold one after work!
**[04:54] Choro**
Actually, none of us worked at all.
We all got kicked out.
**[04:57] Todo**
But it was so much fun!
**[04:58] Choro**
What did you even go for, Todomatsu?
**[05:00] Jyushi**
I just couldn't get a laugh.
**[05:02] Choro**
What the hell did you go for, Jyushimatsu?
**[05:04] Kara**
This is what it truly means
**[05:06] Kara**
to be facing a dark future.
**[05:07] Choro**
Why were you even born, Karamatsu?
**[05:11] Choro**
At least say something, Ichimatsu!
**[05:13] Todo**
Actually, do we even need jobs?
It's so troublesome.
**[05:17] All**
Yeah...
**[05:18] Choro**
Wait. Why am I the bad guy here?
**[05:21] Choro**
We're all adults now,
so we need to find employment.
**[05:25] Oso**
Do you want to be idols again, then?
**[05:26] Choro**
No way in hell! We're never putting on
that hellish display ever again!
**[05:30] Oso**
F...
**[05:31] All**
...Six!
**[05:32] Choro**
Stop! The guilt is blinding me!
***SIGN*** Employment
***SIGN*** You'll Be Popular if You Work!
**[05:36] Choro**
I'm gonna go again in the afternoon.
**[05:38] Choro**
At this point, I'll take even a part-time job.
**[05:40] Ichi**
I'm going home.
**[05:41] Choro**
Why?
**[05:42] Ichi**
Because there's no point.
**[05:43] Oso**
To be honest, you're the one
I'm most worried about, Ichimatsu.
**[05:48] Oso**
With a personality like that,
you'll never find work.
**[05:52] Choro**
You guys don't seem that different.
**[05:54] Todo**
He probably wouldn't fit into society.
**[05:56] Jyushi**
Totally.
**[05:57] Oso**
I bet he'd kill his boss.
**[05:59] Jyu**
Yup, yup.
**[06:00] Kara**
I believe in you.
**[06:02] Choro**
Wait, why? He's the only one
who actually backed you up.
**[06:06] Oso**
Ichimatsu's scary when Karamatsu teases him.
**[06:09] Choro**
What are we going to do, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[06:11] Choro**
At this rate, we're going
to be unemployed for life.
**[06:16] Oso**
All right. I've made up my mind.
***SIGN*** Junmai Sake "Katsushibahama" Perfect for After Work
**[06:18] Oso**
Let's get some sake!
**[06:22] Choro**
Hey! God damn it!
**[06:24] Choro**
You stupid eldest brother!
***SIGN*** Pub
**[06:27] Oso**
Thanks for the drinks!
**[06:28] Choro**
Whad'ya say, you idiot?!
**[06:31] Choro**
Finding a job, my ass!
**[06:32] Choro**
Whad'ya mean, "I got my nails done"?
**[06:35] Choro**
"Ooh, nice!" Like hell!
**[06:36] Choro**
I have so little interest
in the color of your nails
**[06:38] Choro**
that my ass hair is on fire, uglyface!
**[06:41] Todo**
Why's his ass hair on fire?
**[06:42] Oso**
From rage, I guess? He's totally the drunkest.
**[06:46] Jyushi**
Hi, mister!
**[06:48] Todo**
We're going, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[06:50] Jyushi**
Bye!
**[06:54] Oso**
What should we do?
**[06:55] Oso**
Shall we go play some?
**[06:56] Todo**
We don't have any money.
**[06:58] Todo**
Huh? It's Iyami.
**[07:01] Iyami**
Oh, is that you, Osomatsu?
**[07:03] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu.
**[07:04] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[07:06] Iyami**
What's that smell?
Have you been drinking already?
**[07:09] Iyami**
You sextuplets are such failures, as always.
**[07:12] Oso**
Say, Iyami. I'd like to discuss something
with you, as a trusted friend.
**[07:17] Todo**
What's this about?
**[07:19] Oso**
We six are facing the greatest
dilemma of our lives right now.
**[07:25] Iyami**
Is there something me can do for you?
**[07:28] Oso**
Could you lend us some cash?
**[07:30] Iyami**
What are you going to use it for?
**[07:33] Iyami**
Stop messing around!
**[07:37] Iyami**
Stop that!
**[07:38] Iyami**
What's wrong with you?!
You stupid yakuza sextuplets!
**[07:41] Oso**
Hmph. No more screen time for you.
**[07:43] Todo**
Demon! Brute!
**[07:45] Todo**
You man of good character!
You wealthy fellow!
**[07:47] Iyami**
Why did you compliment me at the end?
**[07:49] Iyami**
For crying out loud... Everyone
spoiled you all when you were young,
**[07:52] Iyami**
so you've grown up to be terrible monsters.
**[07:56] Choro**
What are you doing with this?
**[07:57] Iyami**
Work.
**[07:59] Iyami**
Unlike you all, me doesn't have
all the time in the world.
**[08:02] Choro**
What kind of work?
***SIGN*** RECRUITING Would you like to happily sweat for the sake of Japan and the world? No experience necessary. We're just looking for people who want to try this out!!
**[08:03] Iyami**
I'm recruiting.
**[08:05] Iyami**
I'm looking for people who can do this job.
**[08:11] Oso**
All right, Iyami-kun!
**[08:13] Oso**
Nothing beats having a dear friend!
**[08:16] Jyushi**
Your right's clear! Your left's clear!
**[08:17] Jyushi**
Your overbite's clear!
**[08:18] Iyami**
Be quiet.
**[08:21] Iyami**
You won't find a job offer
like this in these times!
**[08:25] Kara**
I smell a big hustle.
**[08:27] Choro**
Who are you?
**[08:28] Todo**
We're saved!
**[08:30] Todo**
And since it's Iyami's referral,
it won't be nerve-racking.
**[08:33] Iyami**
Think nothing of it.
**[08:42] Jyu**
Huh? Where are we?
**[08:45] Oso**
It's kind of... completely black...
**[08:49] Oso**
Could this be...
**[08:51] Choro**
Yeah. Actually, it's written there.
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[08:55] Choro**
Isn't this going a bit far?
**[08:57] Iyami**
Why, hello, corporate slaves!
**[08:58] Choro**
Don't call us corporate slaves.
**[08:59] Iyami**
I will now explain your duties to you.
***SIGN*** Duties
**[09:03] Iyami**
This is pretty much it.
**[09:04] Choro**
Like we can read that! What's the
point of making that black, too?!
***SIGN*** Schedule
**[09:07] Iyami**
This is your schedule,
***SIGN*** Evacuation Route
**[09:09] Iyammi**
and this is the evacuation route.
**[09:11] Ichi**
'Kay.
**[09:12] Choro**
You can read that?
**[09:14] Oso**
What do we make here?
**[09:15] Ichi**
You don't need to know
that at the Black Factory.
**[09:18] Oso**
Okay!
**[09:19] Choro**
You accepted that way too fast.
You should be more cautious!
**[09:22] Iyami**
Well, I'm counting on you all!
**[09:23] Choro**
To do what?! Hey!
**[09:25] Todo**
Hey, this isn't good.
**[09:27] Todo**
I've heard of dangerous workplaces like this...
**[09:31] Todo**
There's only one bathroom.
**[09:32] Todo**
The last thing to touch that seat
was some old guy's bare ass.
**[09:37] Toddo**
Covering it with toilet paper is pointless.
**[09:40] Todo**
Because that same old guy touched the
toilet paper right after wiping his bare ass.
**[09:50] Choro**
What are you scared of?! Are you a girl?!
**[09:52] Todo**
There's no way I can indirectly
ass-touch with some old guy!
**[09:55] Choro**
What the hell is "indirectly ass-touch"?
Don't say it like "indirect kiss."
**[10:00] Choro**
What do we do now?
**[10:02] Choro**
We don't even know what the work is...
**[10:07] Choro**
Is that the person in charge?
**[10:09] Choro**
Hey, excuse me. I have a question.
**[10:12] Choro**
What do you make at this factory?
**[10:14] Suit**
We will not be answering any questions.
**[10:17] Suit**
Please figure out what you're
supposed to do on your own.
**[10:21] Todo**
Huh? We won't understand
if you don't explain it to us!
**[10:24] Todo**
You can't be serious!
**[10:25] Todo**
Say something! Don't ignore us!
**[10:26] Suit**
Silence!
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[10:28] Suit**
I'll kill you all, you trash!
***SIGN*** Zowa... Zowa...
**[10:31] Oso**
*He's...*
**[10:32] Suit**
It'd be easy to answer your questions.
**[10:35] Suit**
But what good would it do for you
to know what we make here?
**[10:39] Suit**
This is the Black Factory.
**[10:41] Suit**
Even if you want to know,
there's no way I can tell you.
**[10:44] Suit**
I feel as if I'd be crushed by the guilt.
**[10:47] Oso**
*What is he talking about?*
**[10:48] Suit**
Listen up. Most of the things
that go on here are crimes.
**[10:52] Suit**
Do you still want to know?
**[10:54] Suit**
I will not tell you, even if my mouth split open.
**[10:56] Suit**
If you still want to hear, then listen well!
**[10:59] Suit**
Though I won't tell you!
**[11:00] Oso**
*Seriously, what is he talking about?*
**[11:02] Suit**
Listen up, vermin!
**[11:04] Oso**
*He's still going!*
**[11:04] Suit**
You failed again and again
***SIGN*** Black Factory
**[11:06] Suit**
to get a job in the free world,
and that's why you're here.
**[11:08] Suit**
Don't you understand that
you're in the pit of Hell?
***SIGN*** Zawa... Zawa...
**[11:12] Suit**
There's only one thing that you
can do, and that's work!
**[11:17] Suit**
Engrave the desire to work and then
leave this place into your hearts!
**[11:21] Suit**
Work! To work is your everything!
***SIGN*** Work is God Safety Second
**[11:25] Suit**
You must work!
**[11:26] Suit**
You must work! You must work!
**[12:02] Iyami**
Those stupid sextuplets.
**[12:04] Iyami**
Now we'll be able to make
another fortune, won't we, sir?
***SIGN*** Honored Squad Leader For Life
Matsuno Ichimatsu
**[12:31] Iyami**
That will be all!
**[12:33] Iyami**
We've safely reached our quota for the day!
**[12:35] Iyami**
This is work! This is society!
**[12:37] Iyami**
Oh, how marvelous!
**[12:39] Iyami**
You're all finally becoming real adults.
**[12:42] Iyami**
Right, sir?
**[12:46] Iyami**
Here we go! Become an adult!
**[12:48] All**
Become an adult! Become an adult!
**[13:04] Choro**
Aren't they tricking us?
***SIGN*** Keep Hands Clear
**[13:14] Dayon**
Dayon! Dayon!
***SIGN*** Authentic Taste Chinese Restaurant
***SIGN*** A Few Months Later
**[13:28] Oso**
* Thanks to that horrible*
* experience, we brothers*
**[13:32] Oso**
* were able to realize what*
* was really important.*
**[13:34] Oso**
* We don't have to hurry.*
* We can just do a little at a time.*
**[13:38] Oso**
Can I go to the bathroom, sir?
**[13:42] Oso**
It's been ten minutes. Swap out.
**[13:46] Oso**
*Yes... Because the six of us are one.*
**[13:54] Choro**
This is a scam!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[13:58] Oso**
It's your turn, Karamatsu.
**[14:00] Kara**
I'll take three. What about you, Choromatsu?
**[14:03] Choro**
I'll take two.
**[14:04] Choro**
What about you, Ichimatsu?
**[14:05] Ichi**
I fold. Jyushimatsu?
**[14:08] Jyu**
I'm exchanging all of them!
**[14:09] Jyu**
You, Todomatsu?
**[14:10] Todo**
I pass.
**[14:12] Oso**
Ready? All right, go!
**[14:15] Kara**
Two pairs.
**[14:16] Oso**
What?!
**[14:17] Choro**
Three-of-a-kind.
**[14:18] Oso**
You're kidding!
**[14:19] Jyushi**
Pig!
**[14:19] Oso**
No! Wait, pig?
**[14:21] Todo**
Straight flush!
**[14:23] Oso**
What?! And then...
**[14:27] Oso**
Five-of-a-kind!
**[14:31] Oso**
Don't underestimate the oldest!
**[14:33] Oso**
You five can never defeat me!
**[14:42] Oso**
I'm done.
**[14:45] Oso**
Where did they all go?
**[14:47] Oso**
Your older brother misses you.
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyaa Concert
**[14:52] Choro**
Nyan! Nyan! Nyan! Nya!
**[14:54] Choro**
All right, here we go!
**[14:56] Choro**
Ameri-short! Persian!
**[14:58] Choro**
Tortoiseshell!
**[14:58] Choro**
Munchkin! Scot!
**[14:59] Choro**
Siamese! Russian Blue!
**[15:02] Choro**
Nyaa-chan! You're so amazingly cute!
**[15:04] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
**[15:05] Nyaa**
Thanks, nyaan!
**[15:08] Choro**
* Th-The time is finally at hand.*
* Calm down, Choromatsu.*
**[15:12] Choro**
*You've only got twenty seconds.*
***SIGN*** Let's Shake Hands, Nyan
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyan
**[15:15] Choro**
* You saved up all the money that*
* you earned just for this moment!*
**[15:18] Choro**
*Start with your thoughts on the new single.*
***SIGN*** Nyaa Photobook
**[15:20] Choro**
* Nonchalantly mention that you've*
* reserved her new photobook,*
***SIGN*** Reserved
**[15:23] Choro**
* and throw your Twitter*
* handle into the conversation.*
**[15:25] Choro**
*Do* not *be pushy!*
**[15:27] Choro**
* Act appropriately distant,*
* unlike all those other fans.*
**[15:30] Choro**
*Make her feel like you really get her!*
**[15:32] Choro**
* Yes! Make her feel like you*
* really understand her stress.*
**[15:36] Choro**
*There's nothing to fear! My plan is perfect!*
**[15:39] Oso**
Whatcha doin'?
**[15:40] Choro**
An accident has occurred!
**[15:41] Oso**
Huh... Didn't know you were into this stuff.
**[15:43] Choro**
Wh-Wh-What are you doing
here, Osomatsu-niisan?!
**[15:46] Oso**
Her face is pretty plain, isn't it?
**[15:48] Oso**
Like one you'd see in class.
**[15:49] Choro**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Photo Op 1,000 Yen
**[15:49] Oso**
A photo is 1,000 yen? So expensive!
**[15:51] Choro**
Don't say that!
**[15:53] Oso**
I love you, Reika!
**[15:54] Choro**
Who the hell is Reika?! You're too random!
**[15:57] Person**
Next in line, please.
**[15:58] Choro**
Oh, coming!
**[16:00] Choro**
Sorry, some weird guy wouldn't stop talking to m—
**[16:03] Oso**
Nice to meet you. The name's Matsuno Osomatsu.
**[16:04] Choro**
Hey!
**[16:05] Oso**
Thanks for taking such good
care of my little brother.
**[16:07] Choro**
Why are *you* shaking her hand?!
**[16:09] Oso**
He's a really good guy, so would you
have s** with him at least once?
**[16:15] Choro**
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don't say "s**"!
**[16:17] Choro**
I'm so sorry, Nyaa-chan!
**[16:19] Oso**
Wait. Should you be saying "s**"
in front of the person you like?
**[16:22] Choro**
*You're* the one saying "s°°"!
**[16:24] Oso**
What? Did I say "s**"?
Did I really say "s**"?
**[16:28] Choro**
You just want to say "s**," don't you?!
**[16:32] Oso**
S**.
**[16:32] Choro**
Don't say it so casually!
**[16:33] Oso**
Then how about ****?
**[16:35] Choro**
Shut up!
**[16:36] Oso**
What about ****?
**[16:37] Choro**
Shut your mouth!
**[16:38] Oso**
Then how about she **** your
***** and then **** and ****?
**[16:41] Choro**
Just get out of the way!
**[16:43] Choro**
Nya... Nyaa-chan...
**[16:45] Deka**
Time's up.
**[16:52] Oso**
Whoa! He totally hit me!
**[16:55] Choro**
Get out of here.
**[16:56] Choro**
From this day onward,
you are a stranger to me.
**[17:00] Oso**
*What was that for? I was just trying to help...*
**[17:13] Sachi**
Hey, Aida, doesn't that guy look cool?
**[17:16] Aida**
He totally looks like Ozaki, Sacchi!
**[17:18] Sachi**
Go talk to him!
**[17:19] Aida**
I can't! He's too hot. I'm gonna die!
**[17:22] Sachi**
Then maybe I'll go instead.
**[17:27] Aida**
What the hell is with him? So creepy.
**[17:29] Sachi**
Die.
**[17:32] Kara**
So you're finally here, Karamatsu girls.
**[17:41] Oso**
*I was just trying to surprise him a little!*
**[17:44] Oso**
* I was throwing in a little service!*
* He didn't have to hit me!*
**[17:49] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:50] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[17:52] Oso**
What, are you on a date?
**[17:54] Oso**
Perfect timing. Let me join in!
**[17:55] Oso**
I've been so bored today. Choromatsu
and Karamatsu are so mean.
**[17:59] Oso**
They won't acknowledge me at all.
**[18:00] Todo**
I'm sorry. Who are you?
**[18:03] Girl**
Do you know him?
**[18:04] Todo**
Who?
**[18:05] Girl**
The guy just now.
**[18:06] Todo**
Huh? Did I just talk to someone?
**[18:08] Girl**
But he did look like you.
**[18:09] Todo**
No idea.
**[18:10] Oso**
Cold... So cold.
**[18:14] Oso**
*Screw them! I won't trust anyone anymore!*
**[18:19] Oso**
Ichimatsu?
**[18:22] Oso**
*What's he doing in a place like...*
**[18:36] Oso**
* Well, look at that. He can*
* actually be cute sometimes.*
**[18:39] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! You'll play with me, righ—*
**[18:43] Oso**
*Huh?*
**[18:53] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[19:02] Oso**
*I had no idea...*
**[19:04] Oso**
*We've lived together for twenty-some years.*
**[19:06] Oso**
* I guess there are still things*
* I don't know about my brothers...*
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[19:17] Oso**
*Yup, there sure are.*
**[19:20] Oso**
Beer!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[19:21] Chibi**
"Beer" nothing, you idjit!
**[19:23] Chibi**
You ain't getting a single beer
until you pay your tab, damn it!
**[19:27] Oso**
Don't be like that, Chibita.
I've been through a lot today.
**[19:33] Oso**
I haven't been getting along
well with my brothers lately.
**[19:37] Oso**
I think they might hate me...
**[19:43] Chibi**
You only get one, idjit.
**[19:47] Chibi**
You idjit! God damn it!
**[19:49] Chibi**
Of course they hate you!
This is all your fault!
**[19:53] Oso**
Why's it my fault?!
**[19:54] Sign**
Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
**[19:54] Chibi**
Because you're the one butting into their
business and making things hard for them!
**[19:58] Chibi**
They're your brothers, so take
better care of them, idjit.
**[20:04] Chibi**
This is the first time I'm mentioning this...
**[20:07] Chibi**
But when I was a kid, I hated you sextuplets.
**[20:12] Chibi**
But half of that was jealousy.
**[20:16] Chibi**
You guys are fighting? At least
you've got someone to fight with.
**[20:19] Chibi**
I never even had anyone
to fight with, you idjit.
**[20:25] Chibi**
Drink your water and get the hell out.
**[20:27] Chibi**
The oldest brother shouldn't
make the others worry!
**[20:33] Oso**
And?
**[20:34] Chibi**
Uh, I'm telling you to
take care of your broth—
**[20:37] Oso**
What does that have to do with this?!
**[20:39] Oso**
The fact that you wanted siblings
**[20:40] Oso**
has nothing to do with the fact that
**[20:42] Oso**
I'm pissed off at them, does it?!
**[20:43] Oso**
Why the hell are you trying to
move me? That's not possible!
**[20:46] Oso**
I'll have you know I wished
I was an only child!
**[20:49] Oso**
Have you ever had your
clothes bought in dozens?
**[20:51] Ozo**
It's hell! It destroys your sense of identity!
**[20:53] Oso**
People point at you, wherever you go!
**[20:55] Oso**
No matter how old you get,
you're always being compared!
**[20:56] Oso**
Just because we're sextuplets
doesn't mean I have five comrades!
**[20:59] Oso**
I've got five enemies!
**[21:01] Oso**
Got it?! I'm going home!
**[21:07] Chibi**
Wha...?
**[21:09] Oso**
*Take care of my brothers? Screw you!*
**[21:12] Oso**
*They're the ones who wouldn't play with me!*
**[21:14] Oso**
*I didn't do anything wrong.*
**[21:15] Oso**
* And what does being the*
* oldest have to do with it?!*
**[21:17] Oso**
*That pisses me off most of all!*
**[21:19] Oso**
*We're sextuplets! We're all the same age!*
**[21:25] Oso**
*But then again... I am technically the oldest...*
**[21:34] Oso**
Sorry about today, you guys!
I did a lot of things wrong!
**[21:39] Jyu**
Whoa! You got a royal straight
flush, New Osomatsu-niisan?
**[21:44] Todo**
You're good at this, New Osomatsu-niisan!
**[21:47] Ichi**
He's probably cheating.
**[21:48] Choro**
Hey, Ichimatsu. He's not
like the old Osomatsu.
**[21:51] Ichi**
True.
**[21:56] Oso**
*See, Chibita? This is how these guys are.*
**[22:00] Oso**
*I totally get them...*
**[22:02] Oso**
*Because I'm the oldest!*
**[22:06] Oso**
Who the hell are you?!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Tidbits Collection"
**[23:45] Oso**
This is Karamatsu.
**[23:46] Kara**
See you next time with "Tidbits Collection."
# E3 - Tidbits Collection
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G609GW526/tidbits-collection)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:08] Oso**
Space is awesome!
***SIGN*** CH O JYU
**[00:15] Oso**
This is so awesome! We're in space!
**[00:17] Jyu**
Zero-gravity spiral!
**[00:19] Oso**
Whoa, so cool!
**[00:20] ---**
Spiral!
**[00:21] Oso**
The Giant Buddha of Nara.
***SIGN*** CH
**[00:22] Choro**
That doesn't have anything to
do with zero gravity, does it?
***SIGN*** O
**[00:24] Oso**
You're no fun, Todomatsu.
**[00:26] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:27] Choro**
I'm not Todomatsu, I'm Choromatsu!
**[00:29] Oso**
I can't see your face, so I can't tell.
**[00:31] Jyu**
Spiral!
**[00:31] Cho**
Our names are written on the suits!
**[00:32] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:33] Cho**
Actually, I've been wondering...
**[00:38] Cho**
What is this bar?
**[00:39] Cho**
It seems to say "O2."
**[00:41] Jyu**
Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
**[00:42] Oso**
Yay! Yeah, Space!
**[00:43] Cho**
Could it mean...
***SIGN*** CH
**[00:47] Cho**
It does mean oxygen!
**[00:49] Cho**
This isn't good! We have to
get back to the spaceship, fast!
**[00:52] Cho**
Ack! It went down even faster
because I was panicking!
**[00:55] Cho**
Hey, help me!
**[00:56] Cho**
I don't have any oxygen! I don't have any—
**[01:01] Oso**
Choromatsu?
**[01:02] Oso**
What's wrong? Hey!
**[01:06] Oso**
I think... Choromatsu died.
**[01:09] Jyu**
Seriously?! He already
reached the end of his life?
**[01:10] Oso**
I see. His oxygen must have run out.
**[01:13] Oso**
Crap! We have to hurry back to the ship!
**[01:15] Oso**
Wait, there isn't a ship!
**[01:16] Jyu**
What do we do?!
**[01:17] Oso**
Don't panic! Your oxygen will just run out faster.
**[01:20] Jyu**
Okay, let's shut up.
***SIGN*** 3 Minutes Later
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[03:39] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[03:42] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[03:44] Ichi**
Huh? But I'm Ichimatsu.
**[04:23] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[04:25] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[04:27] Kara**
I'm Karamatsu.
**[04:40] Jigu**
Osomatsu.
**[04:51] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[04:53] Guy**
It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
**[04:57] Oso**
Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
**[04:59] Guy**
All right! Yes!
**[05:01] Guy**
You stupid sextuplets!
**[05:04] Jigu**
It was ten years ago...
**[05:06] Jigu**
When we were in the drama club, in order
to steal the leading role from me...
**[05:10] Oso**
Karamatsu was the one in the drama club.
**[05:21] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[05:23] Guy**
It's been ten years, Karama—
**[05:24] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu.
**[05:35] Jigu**
Nope.
***SIGN*** Truth
**[05:45] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[05:47] Guy**
It's been ten years, Karamatsu.
**[05:49] Kara**
Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
**[05:52] Jigu**
Ten years ago, when we were in the drama club,
**[05:55] Jigu**
you put bird poop in my script to
steal the leading role from me.
**[06:00] Jigu**
You will now pay for that crime.
**[06:04] Kara**
You're the guy from...
**[06:06] Kara**
Wait!
**[06:07] Jigu**
Die!
**[06:09] Kara**
The one who told me to do that was Todomatsu.
**[06:14] Jigu**
This is so damn confusing!
**[06:24] Jigu**
My name is Jigu—
**[06:25] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu, you know.
**[06:28] Jigu**
My bad.
**[06:38] Guy**
My name is Jiguzou.
**[06:40] Guy**
It's been ten years, Todo—
**[06:42] Jyu**
Huh? But I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Wait, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[06:50] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[06:53] Jyu**
I'm Jyushi—
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "DQN Names"
**[07:04] Host**
*There you have it, ladies.*
**[07:06] Host**
*Now for our special about the
"DQN names" everyone is talking about.*
***SIGN*** Hifumiya
Special Report!
DQN Names
That Everyone is
Talking About
***SIGN*** "DQN Names!"
**[07:11] Host**
* Really, there sure are some*
* strange names out there.*
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser)
***SIGN*** Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser) Fuurin (Purin)
**[07:16] Guy**
* But the children are stuck with*
* those names for the rest of their lives,*
**[07:20] Guy**
* so their parents should probably*
* think about it more carefully.*
**[07:25] Choro**
What? They're totally fine.
**[07:28] Todo**
Yeah, they are.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[07:29] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Pachinko Police"
***SIGN*** Pachinko Dragon
**[07:46] Todo**
*Crap.*
**[07:47] Todo**
*This isn't good.*
**[07:48] Todo**
*I've done it now.*
**[07:52] Todo**
*I totally just made bank on pachinko!*
**[07:57] Todo**
*But it's still too soon to celebrate.*
**[07:59] Todo**
* I have to protect this money*
* from those filthy hyenas.*
**[08:04] Todo**
*What should I do?!*
**[08:06] Todo**
*Hide it under the bed?*
**[08:07] Todo**
*No, wait, we don't have a bed!*
**[08:09] Todo**
*Inside the closet?*
**[08:10] Todo**
*No! The bugs will eat it!*
**[08:12] Todo**
*Flush it down the toilet?*
**[08:13] Todo**
*Then it's just going to waste!*
**[08:15] Todo**
*But I can't just hold on to it!*
**[08:17] Todo**
* Going back to that house with*
* this much cash is suicide.*
**[08:24] Todo**
*It's no use. I can't think of anything good.*
**[08:28] Todo**
*If I keep it, my brothers will...*
**[08:32] Cop**
Evening!
**[08:35] Cop**
What might you be doing out
here at this hour, sir?
**[08:39] Todo**
Oh, uh, I'm just out for a walk.
**[08:41] Cop**
A walk? But it's midnight.
**[08:45] Todo**
*It's already that late?*
**[08:48] Todo**
I'll go home now.
Thank you for your hard work.
**[08:50] Cop**
Hold it.
**[08:51] Todo**
Wha—
**[08:52] Cop**
You're a bit suspicious.
**[08:54] Todo**
Huh?
**[08:55] Cop**
Why don't you show us what's inside that bag?
**[08:58] Todo**
Why would I have to do that?
**[08:59] Cop**
It's not as if we're suspecting
you of anything...
**[09:03] Cop**
But there seems to be a guy around here...
**[09:06] Cop**
A scumbag who won big at pachinko,
but wants to keep it from his older brothers.
**[09:13] Todo**
*Choromatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan?!*
**[09:15] Todo**
*They already hunted me down?!*
***SIGN*** Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
**[09:17] Guy**
*Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!*
***SIGN*** The Super-Skilled Older Brothers Ask For Their Share "Why Are You Trying So Hard To Hide It?!"
**[09:22] Choro**
If there's nothing suspicious in it,
you can show us, right?
**[09:25] Todo**
I told you, there's nothing in here!
**[09:27] Choro**
Then show us!
**[09:28] Todo**
Don't touch me!
**[09:30] Nar**
* For whatever reason,*
* the man resisted for an hour,*
**[09:33] Nar**
*but the pachinko police never give up.*
**[09:38] Nar**
* Head Patrol Officer Choromatsu*
* calls for backup.*
**[09:41] Choro**
All right, you're not getting away now.
**[09:44] Choro**
I'm gonna have a look.
**[09:46] Nar**
*This is...*
**[09:47] Choro**
Hm? What do we have here?
**[09:50] Choro**
This came out of your bag, didn't it?
**[09:53] Ichi**
If this turns blue after it's dripped
on them, they're 10,000 yen bills.
**[09:58] Nar**
*It turned blue! There's no doubt about it!*
**[10:01] Nar**
*They're 10,000 yen bills!*
**[10:02] Nar**
*And then...*
**[10:04] Todo**
Damn it!
**[10:04] Ichi**
Hey! Hold it!
**[10:05] Nar**
*The man fled.*
**[10:07] Ichi**
Urgent! Urgent!
**[10:08] Ichi**
Squads 1 and 2!
**[10:09] Ichi**
The suspect has fled!
I repeat, the suspect has fled!
**[10:12] Ichi**
Given how panicked he is, he seems
to have several more 10,000 yen bills.
**[10:15] Oso**
This is Squad 2. Roger. We'll flank
him at the Akatsuka Apartments.
**[10:19] Choro**
Found him!
**[10:20] Oso**
There he is!
**[10:26] Oso**
You stupid youngest brother! Hold still!
**[10:28] Choro**
Get the handcuffs!
***SIGN*** 1:25AM Suspect Arrested
***SIGN*** Suspected of Concealing Pachinko Winnings
**[10:33] Todo**
Lemme go! All I did was win at pachinko!
**[10:38] Nar**
*The pachinko police!*
**[10:40] Nar**
* As long as one of their*
* brothers wins at pachinko,*
**[10:43] Nar**
*their night will never end!*
**[10:46] Oso**
Let's go get some sushi.
**[10:48] All**
Yeah!
**[10:49] Jyu**
Aroo!
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[10:50] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[11:04] Nar**
*Japan.*
***SIGN*** "Please Let Me Sleep"
**[11:09] Todo**
Okay, I'm shutting it off.
**[11:19] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[11:20] Jyu**
Don't you ever want to move
around before you go to sleep?
**[11:23] Choro**
No. I have to get up early tomorrow,
so stop it. I can't slee—
**[11:26] Jyu**
Meow!
**[11:27] Choro**
Shut up!
**[11:28] Todo**
What the heck?
**[11:30] Todo**
You're too noisy, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[11:32] Choro**
It's not me! Jyushimatsu was...
**[11:36] Choro**
How? How does that even work?
**[11:38] Kara**
If you're having trouble sleeping,
want me to sing you a lullaby?
**[11:40] Todo**
I'm turning it off.
**[11:41] Kara**
Huh?
**[11:59] Choro**
*Seriously, how does that even work?!*
**[12:02] Choro**
*Why?!*
**[12:07] Choro**
*I told you, I have to get up early tomorrow!*
**[12:17] Todo**
Oh, come on!
**[12:18] Todo**
Quit being so noisy!
**[12:19] Choro**
You're totally doing that on purpose!
You're totally awake, aren't you?!
**[12:22] Oso**
What? Food?
**[12:24] Choro**
I have to get up early
tomorrow, so let me sleep!
**[12:30] Kara**
If you're having trouble sleeping,
want me to sing you a lulla—
**[12:32] Todo**
I'm turning it off.
**[12:33] Kara**
Huh?
**[12:37] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan.
**[12:40] Todo**
I gotta go to the bathroom.
**[12:42] Choro**
* How old are you? You can go to the*
* bathroom at night by yourself.*
**[12:47] Choro**
*And he's taking a dump.*
**[12:48] Choro**
* Not that it matters, but somehow*
* that pisses me off even more.*
**[12:53] Choro**
I beg you, just let me sleep.
**[12:55] Choro**
I have to get up early tomorrow.
**[13:03] Choro**
Why?! I said we're going to bed!
**[13:06] Oso**
One, two...
**[13:07] Choro**
No, seriously.
**[13:10] Choro**
I'm kicking out the next
person to cause a fuss!
**[13:23] Choro**
*What the hell have you been eating, Ichimatsu?!*
**[13:27] Choro**
*Come on, just let me sleep!*
**[13:33] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[13:34] Choro**
*Seriously?*
**[13:37] Choro**
*It's not Jyushimatsu?*
**[13:55] Choro**
*What the hell is this mystery?!*
**[13:57] Choro**
*I just want to sleep!*
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Secret Fishing
***SIGN*** (Secret Fishing)
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "October 31st"
***SIGN*** How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
***SIGN*** If you brush your overbite like so, it'll continue to shine
**[15:13] Guy**
* And so, if you brush your*
* teeth for 45 minutes a day...*
**[15:18] Iyami**
All right, all right, I'm coming.
**[15:21] Iyami**
If you knock that hard, you'll break the door.
**[15:24] Iyami**
Who is it?
**[15:27] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:29] Iyami**
What?
**[15:30] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:32] Iyami**
Oh, is it Halloween today?
**[15:34] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:36] Iyami**
I don't have any candy.
**[15:38] Oso**
Trick or treat!
**[15:39] Iyami**
I told you—
**[15:40] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:41] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:44] All**
Trick or treat!
***SIGN*** How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
***SIGN*** See? Look how white it is!!
**[15:46] Iyami**
All right, fine!
**[15:48] Iyami**
Here.
**[15:49] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:51] Iyami**
That's all I've got. Don't come back again.
**[15:52] All**
Trick or treat!
**[15:55] Iyami**
For crying out loud, what an annoying holiday.
**[15:58] Iyami**
Those stupid, good-for-nothing sextuplets...
**[16:01] All**
Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
**[16:03] All**
Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
**[16:03] Iyami**
Sheeh!
**[16:05] Iyami**
What the hell are you doing?! That's not candy!
**[16:08] Iyami**
Hey! Stop! This isn't how Halloween works!
**[16:13] Iyami**
Someone, help! Thieves!
**[16:20] Iyami**
I've been visited by demons.
**[16:23] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Bath House Quiz"
**[16:29] Oso**
Fight for the coffee milk! Osomatsu Quiz!
**[16:34] Oso**
All right, Choromatsu-san.
How are you feeling right now?
**[16:39] Choro**
I have no idea what's going on.
**[16:40] Oso**
Oh, are you nervous?
**[16:42] Choro**
No, I don't know what's going on.
**[16:44] Oso**
If you win, you'll get coffee milk
to enjoy right after your bath!
**[16:49] Choro**
No need. I can buy it myself.
**[16:50] Oso**
All right, here we go! Question one!
**[16:56] Oso**
Whose wiener is this?
**[16:58] Choro**
Why do I have to guess that?!
**[17:00] Oso**
Take a good look.
**[17:01] Choro**
No way!
**[17:02] Oso**
Remember everyone's wieners!
**[17:03] Choro**
That's disgusting!
**[17:05] Oso**
They can't hold their breath much longer!
**[17:06] Oso**
Let's have your answer.
**[17:08] Choro**
Jyushimatsu?
**[17:09] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[17:10] Oso**
The correct answer is...
**[17:13] Oso**
Too bad, it was Karamatsu!
**[17:16] Choro**
No, seriously, what the hell?
**[17:18] Oso**
Question number two!
**[17:19] Choro**
Can I go home now?!
**[17:22] Oso**
Of the following,
which is Karamatsu's wiener?
**[17:25] Choro**
Uh, isn't there one extra?
**[17:27] Choro**
You actually found someone to help you
with the worst quiz in the world?!
**[17:30] Oso**
Your answer!
**[17:32] Choro**
The one on the far left.
**[17:33] Oso**
The far left!
**[17:34] Oso**
The correct answer is...
**[17:36] Oso**
Too bad! It was actually the far right!
**[17:39] Choro**
Seriously, who is that on the left?!
**[17:40] Choro**
That concerns me more than anything!
**[17:42] Oso**
All right, question number three!
**[17:42] Choro**
That's enough!
**[17:44] Oso**
What ethnicity does this wiener belong to?
**[17:46] Choro**
Where the hell did you get that foreigner?!
**[17:48] Oso**
A: Japanese. B: American. C: African.
**[17:52] Choro**
C: African!
**[17:53] Oso**
And the correct answer is...
**[17:56] Oso**
Too bad! It was A: Japanese!
**[17:59] Choro**
The one you'd least expect?!
**[18:00] Choro**
You've really grown, Hatabou...
**[18:02] Oso**
Question number four!
**[18:03] Choro**
When is this going to end?
**[18:06] Oso**
What could this be?
**[18:08] Choro**
What do you mean, "what"?
It's a wiener, right?
**[18:10] Oso**
Correct! Question number five!
**[18:12] Choro**
Was that necessary?!
**[18:13] Oso**
One day, a lone Todomatsu came walking by.
**[18:17] Oso**
Then from the other way
came a lone Ichimatsu.
**[18:21] Oso**
And then came Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu...
**[18:24] Oso**
All right! How many does that make?!
**[18:26] Choro**
There are only four,
no matter how you look at it!
**[18:29] Oso**
The end!
**[18:30] Oso**
Make sure you watch again next week!
**[18:32] Choro**
Stop it! Stop shaking your wieners!
**[18:34] Choro**
Stop it!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[20:07] Choro**
Hey, this is Choromatsu.
**[20:08] Choro**
Next time on Osomatsu-san, it's "Let's
Become Independent" and "This Is Totoko."
**[20:13] Choro**
Finally, the Totoko-chan episode!
**[20:16] Choro**
You're so cute, Totoko!
***SIGN*** "Let's Become Independent" "This Is Totoko"
**[20:18] Choro**
Totoko, you're so cute! Totoko!
# E3.5 - Virgin Heroes
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675K4XNR/virgin-heroes)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Please place this episode somewhere between
episodes 4 and 5 and view it with an open mind!
**[02:00] Nar**
*For the sextuplets of the Akatsuka Fujio Group,*
**[02:02] Nar**
*F6, mornings start cool and early.*
**[02:12] Oso**
Today's finally the day.
**[02:14] Nar**
*Their iron-clad leader,*
**[02:16] Nar**
*"Refreshing Justice," Matsuno Osomatsu.*
**[02:27] Nar**
* The youngest with miraculous looks,*
* the cutie fairy, Matsuno Todomatsu.*
**[02:32] Ichi**
I'm heading out, Todo.
**[02:33] Todo**
'Kay.
**[02:38] Kara**
Hey.
**[02:40] Nar**
* Nailing any prey he's after in a single shot,*
* the carnivorous piece of meat,*
**[02:44] Nar**
*Matsuno Karamatsu.*
**[02:50] Jyu**
Are you just having coffee
for breakfast again, Choro?
**[02:54] Nar**
* The prince that slays ten thousand,*
* the sweet prince, Matsuno Jyushimatsu.*
**[03:01] Choro**
This bitterness clears my brain.
**[03:06] Nar**
* An associate professor at Harvard*
* University, the beautiful genius,*
**[03:09] Nar**
*Matsuno Choromatsu.*
**[03:14] Ichi**
All right, let's go...
**[03:16] Ichi**
To the stage known as today.
**[03:18] Nar**
* The charismatic centripetal force,*
* the mysteriously cool Matsuno Ichimatsu.*
**[03:27] Oso**
Guys, I'm sure you're aware...
**[03:31] Kara**
This will be the test of all that we are.
**[03:33] Choro**
I won't go easy on you guys.
**[03:35] Ichi**
Of course.
**[03:37] Jyu**
Let's go all-out!
**[03:39] Todo**
I'm ready!
**[03:42] Oso**
Ready...
**[03:44] Oso**
Go!
**[03:54] Kara**
The wind is crying.
**[04:02] Jyu**
The ocean lets me be honest.
***SIGN*** Cat Stories
**[04:16] Ichi**
What's wrong?
**[04:19] Ichi**
The world isn't so bad.
**[04:29] Oso**
What's the matter?
**[04:32] Oso**
Honey, look up.
**[04:38] Todo**
I can feel it! My soul is trembling!
**[04:48] Choro**
Is this... the truth?
**[05:09] Kara**
Choro!
**[05:10] Choro**
Kara!
**[05:19] Oso**
I'll make you dance with these lead kisses.
**[05:31] Todo**
I'll give you a taste of heaven.
**[05:39] Choro**
So the IMF wants to challenge my brain?
**[05:49] Toto**
Huh?
**[05:49] Oso**
It's from the gentleman over there.
**[05:54] Toto**
You idiot!
**[06:01] Ichi**
Are you satisfied?
**[06:04] Ju**
Totokiku, it's about time.
**[06:06] Toto**
Right.
**[06:14] Todo**
Smooch.
**[06:44] Oso**
Hup!
**[06:54] Oso**
We've heard your voices!
**[07:00] Kara**
But this isn't all there is to the bond
you all share with me, is it?!
**[07:04] Choro**
More power! More love!
**[07:07] Ichi**
You don't need to hold back!
**[07:09] Jyu**
All right! Who's going to be the
King of Hot Guys, the Top Men?
**[07:12] Todo**
Put your hearts into your voices! Tell me!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-kun!!
**[07:17] Oso**
Osomatsu Academy, F6:
**[07:20] Oso**
The Top Men popularity contest!
**[07:22] Oso**
The announcement of the winner is drawing near!
**[07:26] Oso**
All right, are you ready?
**[07:40] Oso**
Come here,
**[07:42] Oso**
my little kitten.
**[07:44] Kara**
Don't show your tears
**[07:45] Kara**
to anyone but me.
**[07:48] Choro**
I recently realized that I...
**[07:51] Choro**
I'm no good without you.
**[07:54] Ichi**
There's nothing I can do.
**[07:56] Ichi**
I love you much more
**[07:58] Ichi**
than you love yourself.
**[07:59] Jyu**
These are my feelings for you right now!
**[08:02] Jyu**
Love you!
**[08:03] Todo**
Hey... I know a café where we can
drink some delicious Earl Grey.
**[08:07] Todo**
Wanna come with me?
**[08:11] Ann**
And now,
**[08:13] Ann**
please cast your votes!
**[08:24] Oso**
As you can see, I'm quite used
to being this hot by now,
**[08:28] Oso**
but before, I was troubled by
my role as a gag character.
***SIGN*** Matsujiru
**[08:32] Oso**
That's when someone recommended
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru to me.
**[08:37] Oso**
Drinking Matsujiru every day
**[08:38] Oso**
made me into a hot guy who isn't
embarrassed to be seen anywhere.
***SIGN*** *This Is His Own Personal Opinion
**[08:42] Oso**
It's all because of Matsujiru!
**[08:45] Oso**
They've taken all the calcium,
vitamins, minerals, and enzymes,
**[08:48] Oso**
and done something to something-or-other
and ended up with something.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Seal
Matsujiru
**[08:52] Oso**
Akatsuka Seal Matsujiru.
**[08:54] Oso**
Order now, and you can get twelve
servings for only 129,600 yen!
***SIGN*** 129,600 Yen (Tax Included)
**[08:59] Oso**
Don't you want to be a hot guy, too?
**[09:01] Oso**
Call right now!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Virgin Heroes"
**[09:13] Choro**
I totally bought this, even though I'm broke.
**[09:17] Choro**
But that doesn't matter.
**[09:20] Choro**
I'm way too happy.
**[09:26] Choro**
Wow, those are people
who have true happiness.
**[09:32] Choro**
I'll take a different way home.
**[09:35] Oso**
Halt, young man! There's no reason
to choose a different path!
**[09:38] Choro**
Huh? What?
***SIGN*** O
**[09:41] Oso**
I'll photobomb your selfie completely naked!
**[09:44] Oso**
Cherry Osomatsu!
**[09:46] Kara**
Even when dealing with grade-schoolers,
I get nervous if they're girls.
***SIGN*** Ka
**[09:49] Kara**
Cherry Karamatsu!
**[09:50] Jyu**
Shibuya's scary!
***SIGN*** Jyu
**[09:52] Jyu**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
***SIGN*** Ichi
**[09:56] Ichi**
I'll kill you.
**[09:57] Ichi**
Cherry Ichimatsu.
**[09:59] Todo**
*Girugame*, come back!
***SIGN*** To
**[10:01] Todo**
Cherry Todomatsu!
**[10:03] Oso**
We'll take all the world's happiness
**[10:04] Oso**
and erase it!
**[10:06] All**
The Virgin Vigilante Corps!
Cherry Brothers!
***SIGN*** The Virgin Vigilante Corps
***SIGN*** Cherry Brothers
**[10:12] Oso**
Young man, now that we're here...
**[10:15] Oso**
Uh, hey!
**[10:17] Oso**
Why are you running away?
You called for help!
**[10:19] Choro**
I didn't.
**[10:20] Ichi**
You just want us to tear those
college kids apart, right?
**[10:23] Choro**
Please move.
**[10:24] Todo**
You can't fool us! Your eyes...
You're definitely one of us!
**[10:28] Choro**
You're pissing me off.
**[10:30] Choro**
What's with you people, anyway?
**[10:32] Oso**
Huh? We're heroes.
**[10:33] Choro**
What kind?
**[10:34] Kara**
Allow me to explain.
**[10:37] Kara**
Young man! This whole world is a caste system!
***SIGN*** Cherry Karamatsu's Easy-to-Understand
Society Caste Lecture
***SIGN*** Awesome
***SIGN*** Not Awesome
**[10:40] Kara**
Only a mere few are truly awesome.
**[10:42] Kara**
People say that you need to
work hard to get to the top.
**[10:44] Kara**
However!
**[10:45] Kara**
We believe that if you can work hard
at all, you're already up here.
**[10:49] Choro**
What kind of lesson is this?
**[10:51] Kara**
And this is where we are.
**[10:56] Kara**
The Dark Demon World's Shitty
Hell of Darkness caste.
**[10:59] Choro**
Just how low is that?!
**[11:00] Kara**
Probably around here.
**[11:01] Choro**
That's too low!
**[11:02] Kara**
By the way, to get from here to up here,
you need about three lifetimes.
**[11:06] Choro**
About 200 years?! That's never gonna happen!
**[11:08] Kara**
Yes. It's never going to happen!
**[11:10] Kara**
So rather than climbing up,
**[11:12] Kara**
we take slight pleasure in dragging
those above us down a bit.
**[11:16] Five**
That's the kind of heroes we are!
**[11:17] Choro**
Uh, what kind of heroes?
You're just a shady group!
**[11:21] Todo**
There's trouble!
**[11:22] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[11:23] Todo**
The enemy has finally started their barbecue!
**[11:26] Oso**
What?!
**[11:31] Jyu**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[11:32] Jyu**
It's too bright!
**[11:34] Oso**
Cherry Jyushimatsu!
**[11:40] Oso**
He's dead.
**[11:41] Choro**
Why?! You die from looking at barbecues?!
**[11:43] Choro**
What kind of logic is that?!
**[11:45] Oso**
You idiot! Why did you look
directly at that blissful sight?
**[11:48] Kara**
It's just too intense for us, the Cherries!
**[11:51] Choro**
So you can't look at barbecues
with the naked eye...
**[11:53] Oso**
Damn it! We have to get our revenge!
**[11:57] Oso**
Let's go! Let's show them the power of virgins!
**[11:59] Choro**
Seriously, what?
**[12:02] Oso**
Take this!
**[12:03] Oso**
Water Jumping Stone!
**[12:06] Choro**
Er, you're just skipping stones!
**[12:08] Choro**
Is that all virgins can do?!
Well... Yeah, that's about right.
**[12:13] Oso**
It didn't reach! One more time!
**[12:15] Kara**
It's no use! There are no good stones!
**[12:17] Todo**
We're out of options!
**[12:20] Choro**
I'm going home. I'm going home
to watch all the anime I DVRed.
**[12:24] Iichi**
I-It can't be...
**[12:26] Todo**
What's the matter, Cherry Ichimatsu?
**[12:28] Ichi**
Look over there!
**[12:31] Todo**
Th-They're... They're off on their own!
**[12:34] Oso**
Don't look! You'll just be following in
the footsteps of Cherry Brother #5!
**[12:35] Choro**
Uh, hey!
**[12:39] Oso**
Oh, no... Cherry Ichimatsu is...
**[12:43] Ichi**
Even though they willingly
participated in the barbecue...
**[12:46] Ichi**
"I'm not used to these things."
**[12:48] Ichi**
"Oh, really? I'm not, either."
**[12:51] Ichi**
Is the contradictory conversation
they're having right now!
**[12:54] Ichi**
It's completely unforgivable!
**[12:59] Choro**
What the? What the hell is that?!
**[13:10] Choro**
What is that?
**[13:11] Oso**
That's the mythical beast that eats
all those who are truly happy!
**[13:15] Oso**
The Normie Eater Ichigeruge!
***SIGN*** Normie Eater Ichigeruge
**[13:17] Choro**
What the hell is that?!
**[13:22] Nar**
* Oh, no! One of the members of the Cherry*
* Brothers has turned into a monster!*
**[13:26] Nar**
*What will they do? What will happen?!*
**[13:28] Nar**
*The conclusion after this commercial break!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[13:32] Nar**
*Water Jumping Stone!*
**[13:35] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[13:37] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[13:39] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[13:43] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[13:46] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[13:49] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
**[13:53] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater Pajamas!*
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[14:03] Nar**
*In their battle to the death with college
kids having a barbecue by the river,*
***SIGN*** Please stay a safe distance from reality when watching "Virgin Vigilante Corps"!!
**[14:07] Nnar**
*Cherry Ichimatsu turned into a monster.*
**[14:10] Nar**
*However...*
**[14:12] Nar**
*By giving Cherry Ichimatsu a cat,*
**[14:15] Nar**
* the Cherry Brothers were able*
* to quell the darkness within him!*
**[14:19] Choro**
Just how much does he like cats?
**[14:22] Oso**
Damn it! Look what happened to Cherry
Brother #4 and Cherry Brother #5...
**[14:25] Oso**
What can we do?!
**[14:26] Choro**
You could probably go home.
**[14:28] Todo**
Cherry Brother #1, I have a good idea.
**[14:31] Todo**
Look over there!
**[14:33] Todo**
There's a good, flat stone over there!
**[14:36] Choro**
That's enough Water Jumping Stone!
I've actually learned the name!
**[14:39] Oso**
But if it's over there, we can't use it.
**[14:42] Todo**
I'll go get it.
**[14:43] Kara**
What are you saying, Cherry?
**[14:45] Oso**
If you go over to that sparkling bunch alone...
**[14:48] Oso**
You saw what happened to these two!
**[14:51] Todo**
It's okay if I die.
**[14:54] Both**
Wha—
**[14:55] Todo**
Because I'm...
**[14:57] Todo**
one of the Cherry Brothers!
**[15:00] Choro**
Uh... He is just going to pick up a stone, right?
**[15:03] Todo**
Ah... The memories.
**[15:06] Todo**
I joined the Cherry Brothers five years ago.
**[15:08] Todo**
I went to rent one of *those* kinds of
DVDs in the middle of the night—
**[15:11] Choro**
Really, we don't need a flashback!
No one cares about your backstory!
**[15:28] Todo**
It's so good! So this is what a
toasted marshmallow tastes like!
**[15:33] Girl**
You're so funny!
**[15:35] Choro**
Wow, he totally just betrayed you guys,
didn't he? He is that kind of guy...
**[15:39] Kara**
I'm gonna go kill him.
**[15:40] Oso**
Please.
**[15:41] Choro**
Whoa, you're scaring me! Don't do it!
**[15:43] Choro**
No gory scenes!
**[15:49] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:51] Choro**
He's coming back.
**[15:52] Oso**
Wh-What's wrong, Cherry?
**[15:56] Oso**
Hey.
**[15:57] Kara**
Th-They invited us over...
**[16:00] Kara**
They asked if we wanted to
join the barbecue with them.
**[16:04] Oso**
Huh?!
**[16:06] Choro**
It ripped!
**[16:08] Ooso**
Impossible!
**[16:09] Ooso**
Those people above the clouds are asking
us sewer dwellers to come eat with them?!
**[16:14] Choro**
And now you're deprecating yourself.
**[16:15] Oso**
Inconceivable! It must be a trap!
**[16:17] Todo**
Come on, what are you doing? Hurry on over!
**[16:21] Oso**
Cherry Todomatsu, you bastard!
**[16:24] Todo**
Come on, stop that.
**[16:25] Todo**
The club has a shared house on campus.
**[16:28] Oso**
He's already acting like a college student!
**[16:30] Choro**
I don't even have a clue what he said.
**[16:32] Todo**
Come on, it's okay. They're all nice people.
**[16:37] Ichi**
Nice... people?
**[16:41] Todo**
And it's a lot of fun!
**[16:44] Ichi**
Fun...?
**[16:48] Choro**
Hey, that monster just
learned how to speak human.
**[16:51] Oso**
W-Was there anyone wearing perfume?
**[16:54] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:55] Oso**
How about someone with a tattoo?
**[16:56] Todo**
Nope.
**[16:57] Oso**
Anyone with jewels on their nipples?
**[16:59] Choro**
Of course not! Just how are
you imagining these people?!
**[17:02] Todo**
Come on, let's go.
**[17:03] Oso**
No, I cannot.
**[17:05] Todo**
What?
**[17:06] Oso**
I'm... We're...
**[17:09] Oso**
The Japanese Anti-Flirting
Squad, Student Fucking!
**[17:12] Choro**
Was that really your name?!
**[17:14] Oso**
No matter the temptation,
we cannot escape our destiny!
**[17:18] Todo**
Oh, okay. That's fine.
**[17:20] Todo**
Let's go, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[17:22] Choro**
And you finally forgot the setting and
outright called him "Karamatsu-niisan."
**[17:25] Ichi**
Wait...
**[17:29] Ichi**
I'll go, too...
**[17:31] Todo**
Really?!
**[17:32] Oso**
Hey, what are you saying, monster?!
**[17:34] Ichi**
Want... barbecue... want... meet people...
**[17:49] Choro**
Now what?!
**[17:51] Choro**
Huh? What is this?!
**[17:53] Kara**
That's... the legendary virgin form that only
the most warped virgins can reach...
***SIGN*** Sealed
**[18:00] Kara**
The "I've Finally Admitted
to Just Being Jealous God."
***SIGN*** Virgin God
***SIGN*** I've Finally Admitted to Just Being Jealous God
**[18:03] Choro**
You can become a god because of that?!
**[18:06] Chi**
Cherry Osomatsu...
**[18:09] Ichi**
Do not fear the barbecue.
**[18:12] Ichi**
It is only an event in which
they grill meat and vegetables.
**[18:16] Kara**
Such a simple explanation!
**[18:18] Todo**
He's so accepting!
**[18:20] Choro**
Are you guys stupid?
**[18:21] Oso**
I can't!
**[18:23] Oso**
You say that, but a girl's reaction
will be totally different
**[18:26] Oso**
when some hot guy talks to
her and when I talk to her!
**[18:30] Todo**
Ah, yeah. Definitely.
**[18:32] Kara**
That gap is brutal.
**[18:34] Ichi**
Are you still saying that, you fools?!
**[18:40] Ichi**
Look with hopeful eyes,
**[18:44] Ichi**
and...
**[18:46] Ichi**
Look between your legs!
**[18:57] Ich**
That's just from the slight possibility that
you might be able to befriend them.
**[19:01] Ichi**
So stop your complaining!
**[19:03] All**
We're sorry!
**[19:06] Ichi**
There is nothing for virgins to protect.
**[19:08] Ichi**
Let us go.
**[19:10] Ichi**
Let us party with some sexy college students!
**[19:14] All**
Wahoo!
**[19:19] Nar**
*And so, the Cherry Brothers and Choromatsu*
**[19:21] Nar**
*took their first step to losing their virginity.*
**[19:25] Nar**
*And they lived happily ever after!*
**[19:28] Nar**
*Next week,*
**[19:29] Nar**
*"The Girl We Got Close To Is a
Multi-Talented Charisma!" Look forward to it!*
***SIGN*** End
**[21:05] Guy**
*Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
**[21:09] Nar**
*Maintain distance from awesome people!*
**[21:10] Nar**
*Let jealousy build up...*
**[21:12] Nar**
*And let it loose!*
**[21:16] Nar**
* Even if you don't hit them,*
* you feel so much better.*
**[21:19] Oso**
Your eyes... You're definitely one of us!
**[21:22] Nar**
*Cherry Brothers Water Jumping Stone Omega!*
***SIGN*** S Size
***SIGN*** M Size
***SIGN*** Deluxe
***SIGN*** Water Jumping Stone
***SIGN*** Virgin Vigilante Corps
Cherry Brothers
**[21:27] Nar**
* Buy now, and you could*
* win Normie Eater ashtrays!*
# E4 - Let's Become Independent / This Is Totoko
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYX032GNR/lets-become-independent--this-is-totoko)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:11] Iyami**
Sheeeeh!
**[00:16] Iyami**
Sheh?
**[00:20] Iyami**
Sheeeeh!
**[00:25] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[00:30] Iyami**
Sheeeeeeeh!
**[00:36] Todo**
He's practicing...
***SIGN*** Let's Find a Dangerous Job
***SIGN*** Let's Find a Job on the Net
***SIGN*** An Easy Job...
**[02:07] [Messenger] Sign**
Let's Find a Job on
Our Smartphones
***SIGN*** "Let's Become Independent"
**[02:08] Choro**
I can't seem to find anything...
**[02:10] Choro**
How do you even become an idol manager?
***SIGN*** Black Factory
***SIGN*** Come Forth!
Men Filled With Aspirations!!
**[02:17] Choro**
Huh?
**[02:19] Choro**
I'm home.
**[02:23] Choro**
Uh... It's the middle of the day, on a weekday.
**[02:27] Oso**
Oh, welcome home, Choromatsu.
**[02:29] Todo**
Welcome home!
**[02:31] Choro**
Why aren't you guys looking for jobs?
You've totally given up, haven't you?
**[02:35] Toro**
Oh? Are you still annoyed?
**[02:37] Oso**
That's the problem with greedy people.
**[02:40] Choro**
What does that mean?
**[02:41] Oso**
You keep telling us to find a job,
but what more do we even need right now?
**[02:47] Oso**
We have a house, food,
and clothes on our backs.
**[02:50] Oso**
Getting a job on top of that
would be too great a luxury.
**[02:53] Oso**
Right, Akatsuka-sensei?
**[02:56] Oso**
This is how it should be.
**[02:58] Choro**
No, it's not! Why did you use Sensei
to justify what you just said?
**[03:01] Choro**
All six of us being jobless isn't funny at all!
**[03:04] Todo**
If we run into trouble in the future,
the six of us can just help each other out.
**[03:07] Jyu**
Yeah, there *are* six of us!
**[03:08] Choro**
Actually, the problem is that there are
six of us, and not one is responsible!
**[03:13] Kara**
Not responsible, huh...
**[03:16] Kara**
That's a compliment. Bang!
**[03:20] Choro**
What?!
**[03:20] Oso**
We have food, so what's the problem?
**[03:22] Choro**
Yeah, with our parents' money!
If we keep this up...
**[03:27] Dad**
Enough already!
**[03:28] Momo**
Back at ya!
**[03:29] Dad**
To think I've been married to
someone like you for 24 years!
**[03:32] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:33] Dad**
You're a horrible wife!
**[03:35] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:35] Dad**
Flat chest!
**[03:36] Mom**
Back at ya!
**[03:37] Dad**
I don't have any boobs!
**[03:39] Dad**
That's enough! I'm...
**[03:41] Dad**
divorcing you!
**[03:44] Choro**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Divorce Form
***SIGN*** Husband: Matsuno Matsuzou
Wife: Matsuno Matsuyo
**[03:47] Choro**
Huh? Wait...
**[03:48] Choro**
What does this mean?
**[03:50] Dad**
It's exactly what it looks like.
Your mother and I are separating.
**[03:53] Choro**
Why so suddenly?!
**[03:54] Dad**
We're having creative differences.
**[03:56] Choro**
A band? Are you a band?!
**[03:58] Choro**
What do you mean, "creative differences"?!
**[04:00] Mom**
We just don't get along.
**[04:02] Oso**
How can you say that after
you had sextuplets, Mom?!
**[04:04] Dad**
Anyway, this household ends today.
**[04:07] Dad**
We're going to sell this house, too.
**[04:10] Six**
What?!
**[04:12] Oso**
*W-Wait...*
**[04:13] Oso**
*Our one and only stronghold...*
**[04:16] Mom**
You're all adults now,
so you should live as you please.
**[04:19] Oso**
H-Hold it!
**[04:21] Oso**
Please rethink this.
**[04:23] Kara**
Don't say you're separating!
**[04:25] Choro**
Let's talk this out.
**[04:26] Ichi**
Let's understand each other.
**[04:27] Jyu**
Because we're...
**[04:28] Todo**
...one big...
**[04:30] Six**
...precious family!
**[04:32] Dad**
Y-You guys...
**[04:36] Oso**
* Listen up! We need to stop them*
* from divorcing at all costs!*
**[04:39] Oso**
*If we lose our house, we're...*
**[04:42] Six**
*...finished!*
**[04:46] Mom**
I understand.
**[04:47] Mom**
None of you have any income,
**[04:49] Mom**
so it'd be rough for you if we divorced
right now and got rid of the house.
**[04:52] Six**
*Gulp!*
**[04:53] Choro**
* They totally have us figured out!*
* Parents are incredible!*
**[04:56] Mom**
But you have to understand that
your father and I are old now.
**[04:59] Mom**
Even if I wanted to live with all of you,
I could never take all six of you in.
**[05:04] Mom**
But I can't leave some of you behind
and take the others, either.
**[05:08] Mom**
Because I love all of you equally!
**[05:12] Choro**
* Uh, isn't she actually saying*
* something awful in a very nice way?*
**[05:16] Dad**
I don't really care.
**[05:17] Dad**
I mean, if we had a daughter,
it'd be one thing, but...
**[05:20] Choro**
*And he's being way too honest!*
**[05:22] Oso**
Then just take me!
**[05:24] Todo**
No fair! Take me!
**[05:26] Kara**
Mom, take me!
**[05:27] Jyu**
Please take me!
**[05:30] Mom**
All right...
**[05:31] Mom**
I'll give all of you an equal opportunity.
**[05:34] Oso**
Equal opportunity?
**[05:37] Mom**
I'll interview you.
**[05:39] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependents Selection Interview Hall
**[05:41] Mom**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependents Selection Interviews.
***SIGN*** HR
**[05:46] Mom**
Those who pass this interview will
become one of my dependents.
**[05:51] Mom**
All of you make sure to show off
what fine sons you are.
***SIGN*** Please Be Quiet
**[05:54] Mom**
It's a pleasure having you all.
**[05:56] All**
Thanks for having us.
**[05:58] Choro**
*What's with this messed-up atmosphere?*
**[05:59] Choro**
*Family Dependents Selection Interview?*
**[06:02] Mom**
So who'd like to show their appeal first?
**[06:03] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[06:03] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[06:05] Choro**
*Holy crap! It's a shameless
battle between brothers!*
**[06:10] Todo**
Excuse me!
**[06:11] Todo**
Before we start the interview,
can I say just one thing?
**[06:14] Mom**
Um... The youngest brother, Todomatsu-san?
**[06:18] Choro**
* Uh, you know who he is!*
* What the hell are those papers?*
**[06:21] Todo**
I'd like to withdraw from this interview.
**[06:23] All**
What?!
**[06:24] Mom**
What do you mean?
**[06:26] Todo**
I can't help but think there's
something wrong with this.
**[06:29] Todo**
For us brothers go as far as
fighting to have you support us...
**[06:33] Todo**
It's really sad that you're divorcing,
**[06:36] Todo**
but it's a chance for us
to become independent.
**[06:39] Todo**
Thanks for everything you've done, Mom.
**[06:41] Todo**
I'll try living on my own. Bye.
**[06:44] Mom**
Wait.
**[06:46] Mom**
You pass.
**[06:48] Todo**
Yay! Woohoo!
**[06:50] Todo**
I made it first!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[06:53] All**
*He... He got us!*
**[06:56] Choro**
* By refusing to have any part*
* in this messed-up situation,*
**[06:59] Choro**
*he managed to act like the best son!*
**[07:01] Choro**
*No less from Todomatsu, the youngest brother*
**[07:03] Choro**
*who's a master of capturing the human heart!*
**[07:05] Choro**
*He plays dirty!*
**[07:06] Choro**
*Crap...*
**[07:07] Choro**
*He beat me to it! I gotta hurry.*
**[07:09] Jyu**
Me, me, me, me, me!
**[07:10] Jyu**
Can I go?! Can I go?!
**[07:12] Mom**
Um...
**[07:13] Choro**
I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[07:14] Choro**
* You know who we are! Why do you keep*
* up this charade of an interview?!*
**[07:18] Jyu**
Um, so... My selling point is
I have very good luck!
**[07:21] Jyu**
Also, I can hit 20 home runs in a year.
**[07:24] Choro**
* What appeal are you trying to make?!*
* You're taking this in the wrong direction!*
**[07:27] Mom**
Do you have strong shoulders?
**[07:28] Choro**
*Why would you ask that?!*
**[07:30] Jyu**
I can throw 80 meters!
**[07:33] Jyu**
Hup, hup, hup...
**[07:44] Todo**
The distance is 78 meters!
**[07:48] Mom**
You're on reserve.
**[07:49] Jyu**
Damn it!
**[07:51] Choro**
* What kind of test is this?!*
* What happens if we have strong shoulders?*
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[07:56] Choro**
* H-How is she even judging us?*
* This interview is seriously hard!*
**[08:01] Oso**
Here!
**[08:01] Mom**
Go ahead.
**[08:02] Choro**
* Osomatsu-niisan... I wonder*
* what he's gonna try.*
**[08:06] Oso**
I have a perfectly valid motive to want
to live with you and be a dependent, Mom.
**[08:10] Choro**
*A motive to be a dependent?!*
**[08:11] Choro**
* Isn't having a motive to be*
* a dependent pretty horrible?!*
**[08:14] Oso**
Someday, I want to repay you for
taking care of me all of these years.
**[08:18] Oso**
I want to get a decent job so
I can make your life easier later.
**[08:22] Oso**
To do that, I want to live with you forever.
**[08:29] Mom**
That's clever.
**[08:30] Choro**
*Is that an option?!*
**[08:32] Mom**
But it's a bit cliché. I can't say it feels
great to have that goodwill forced on me.
**[08:36] Choro**
* The difficulty level of*
* this interview is insane!*
**[08:39] Oso**
Damn, and I was trying to
force my goodwill on her.
**[08:41] Choro**
*You were?!*
**[08:42] Oso**
Yeah, of course I don't actually think that.
**[08:45] Oso**
I just want to live the rest of
my life mooching off my parents.
**[08:48] Choro**
*Hey, you're being too honest!*
**[08:49] Choro**
*You're gonna ruin it for the rest of us! Stop it!*
**[08:52] Oso**
I still want to be spoiled!
**[08:54] Oso**
I want to live my days with my meals made
for me and my laundry already done!
**[08:58] Oso**
I don't wanna do anything!
**[08:59] Choro**
*I can't watch this...*
**[08:59] Oso**
I don't wanna! Don't wanna!
**[09:01] Mom**
So cute! You pass!
**[09:02] Four**
What?!
**[09:04] Oso**
Really?!
**[09:04] Mom**
You hit my motherly instincts.
**[09:06] Mom**
Sons are always best when
they're a bit needy.
**[09:10] Oso**
Woohoo!
**[09:12] Todo**
All right, Osomatsu-niisan!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[09:16] Choro**
*Seriously? He actually passed!*
**[09:18] Choro**
*How does the mind of a mother work?*
**[09:21] Kara**
Me too, Mom.
**[09:23] Kara**
I want to live my life without working
and with my meals prepared for me.
**[09:29] Mom**
Wrong.
**[09:30] Choro**
Yeah, that's totally wrong, Karamatsu.
That just makes you trash.
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[09:37] Choro**
* He's making his move! The joker that none*
* of us can read is finally making his move!*
**[09:41] Ichi**
I don't actually feel the
need to live with you,
**[09:44] Ichi**
but who knows what I'll do without
anyone keeping an eye on me?
**[09:50] Ichi**
You sure you're okay setting me free?
**[09:52] Ichi**
What if one of your sons turns into a criminal?
**[09:57] Mom**
Y-You pass. Let's live together.
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[10:02] Kara**
Me, too!
**[10:04] Kara**
I'm crazy, too! It's dangerous
to leave me alone, Mommy!
**[10:09] Choro**
*She completely ignored him!*
**[10:11] Choro**
Just shut up, Karamatsu!
**[10:12] Choro**
Worst case scenario,
I'll just take care of you.
**[10:15] Bg**
Yay!
**[10:15] Choro**
*Crap... They keep passing one by one.*
**[10:18] Choro**
* I need to hurry up and think*
* of some kind of appeal.*
**[10:21] Mom**
I think that's about it.
**[10:22] Choro**
What?! It's over?!
**[10:24] Mom**
I've taken in three.
**[10:26] Mom**
The rest of you should talk to your father.
**[10:29] Choro**
*What?! There's no way I can live with these two!*
**[10:33] Choro**
W-Wait a sec, Mom!
**[10:36] Choro**
Think about this rationally.
**[10:37] Choro**
Who would you be happiest living with?
**[10:41] Oso**
Hey! The interview's over!
**[10:43] Todo**
You're being pathetic!
**[10:44] Choro**
I'm the safest bet out of the six of us.
**[10:47] Choro**
I have the best chance of finding a job,
and I'll probably get married.
**[10:50] Oso**
Getting married has nothing
to do with anything.
**[10:53] Todo**
Don't change the subject!
**[10:55] Choro**
But it does! Because if I get married...
**[10:58] Choro**
I'll give you a grandchild, Mom.
**[11:01] Oso**
Hey, you're playing dirty! He's cheating!
**[11:03] Todo**
Using a grandchild isn't fair, you filthy bastard!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:06] Oso**
Wait... Mom?!
**[11:07] Oso**
Don't let him trick you!
**[11:09] Oso**
We can give you grandchildren, too!
**[11:10] Todo**
Yeah!
**[11:13] Mom**
Who's the horniest?
**[11:15] Oso**
What are you asking us, Mom?!
**[11:16] Todo**
She's completely lost her senses.
**[11:16] Mom**
A grandchild... Grandchild... Grandchild...
**[11:18] Todo**
Bastard! How dare you mess with Mom's mind?!
**[11:22] Choro**
Looks like grandchildren are
alluring to parents after all!
**[11:26] Oso**
Damn it! We were so close!
**[11:28] Oso**
That was completely under the radar.
**[11:30] Todo**
Who would've thought of a grandkid?
**[11:31] Choro**
You won't take the position of dependent!
**[11:33] Oso**
I'm the one who'll be taken care of!
**[11:35] Todo**
No, she's going to feed me!
**[11:37] Jyu**
It's me!
**[11:37] Ichii**
No...
**[11:38] Kara**
It's me!
**[11:48] Mom**
Stop it, you stupid NEETs!
**[11:51] Oso**
Hey, stop it, you stupid NEETs!
**[11:54] All**
'Kay.
**[11:57] Mom**
This is over. I don't want
to see you brothers fight.
**[12:02] Dad**
Your father should feel the same. Right?
**[12:06] Choro**
D-Dad! But why?!
**[12:08] Dad**
I never dreamed it would reach this point.
**[12:12] Mom**
I'm sorry we made you do something
as stupid as an interview.
**[12:15] Mom**
Your father and I will think of
another way to resolve things.
**[12:19] Dad**
Yeah.
**[12:20] Choro**
Really?
**[12:22] Mmom**
Indeed.
**[12:25] Six**
Yes!
**[12:31] Six**
NEET!
**[12:31] Six**
Yay!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependent Draft Pick Meeting
**[12:35] Host**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependent Draft Pick Meeting.
**[12:41] Host**
The first pick for the Dad Bears is...
***SIGN*** Dad Bears
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
Third Son: Guarantees a Grandchild
**[12:44] Host**
Matsuno Choromatsu.
Third son, guarantees a grandchild.
**[12:49] Host**
The first pick for the Mom Fighters is...
**[12:52] Host**
Matsuno Choromatsu.
Third son, guarantees a grandchild.
***SIGN*** Mom Fighters
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
Third Son: Guarantees a Grandchild
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependent Draft Pick Meeting
**[13:02] Host**
And now, the result of the draw is...
**[13:07] Oso**
Let's become independent.
***SIGN*** "This Is Totoko"
**[13:12] Oso**
*It's no use... I can't stop sweating.*
**[13:15] Oso**
*Why am I in Totoko-chan's room?*
**[13:17] Oso**
*Why did she invite me over alone?*
**[13:19] Oso**
* I know I shouldn't, but I keep*
* getting weird expectations...*
**[13:23] Oso**
*But seriously...*
**[13:24] Oso**
*Why are girls' rooms so cute?*
**[13:27] Oso**
*It smells so nice...*
**[13:28] Oso**
*Everything in this room is so lovable.*
**[13:31] Oso**
*Even the eraser...*
**[13:32] Oso**
*is kind of cute...*
**[13:36] Toto(Oso)**
Sorry to invite you over
so suddenly, Osomatsu-kun.
**[13:38] Oso**
No problem. What's up?
**[13:40] Toto**
Well, I wanted to talk
to you about something...
**[13:42] Oso**
Talk?
**[13:43] Toto**
I have someone I like.
**[13:46] Toto**
But he doesn't even know I'm
alive. What should I do?
**[13:51] Osos**
You should just tell him honestly.
**[13:53] Toto**
You really think so?
**[13:55] Oso**
Yeah.
**[13:56] Toto**
Okay, I'll tell him.
**[13:58] Toto**
I love you.
**[13:59] Toto**
I love you, Osomatsu-kun.
**[14:02] Oso**
T-Totoko-chan?
**[14:02] Oso**
W-Wait, what?
**[14:03] Oso**
You're being so bold...
**[14:06] Oso**
Totoko-chan!
**[14:10] Oso**
Leg cramp!
**[14:13] Oso**
*She's here!*
**[14:14] Oso**
*Calm down. Just act normal... Normal...*
**[14:17] Oso**
*I can do this!*
**[14:26] Oso**
It's you?
**[14:31] Oso**
Jyushimatsu... Jyushimatsu!
**[14:33] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:34] Oso**
Don't swing a bat in someone's house. Hey!
**[14:35] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:37] Oso**
What the heck? I wasn't the
only one she invited over?
**[14:37] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:39] Jyu**
Hup!
**[14:41] Oso**
Totoko-chan, why'd you invite both of us?
**[14:42] Oso**
Hup!
**[14:43] Jyu**
Maybe we're gonna play baseball!
**[14:46] Oso**
Here she comes. Let's ask her.
**[14:57] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:00] Oso**
Todomatsu... Todomatsu...
**[15:03] Oso**
Stop crying! I know how you feel!
**[15:06] Oso**
That's what I thought was going on, too!
**[15:08] Oso**
But it's not...
**[15:09] Todo**
I had my hopes up!
**[15:11] Oso**
I don't get it... What is
Totoko-chan trying to do?
**[15:15] Jyu**
Maybe baseball!
**[15:17] Oso**
Let's ask her.
**[15:27] Oso**
This isn't good.
**[15:30] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu. What should we do?
**[15:32] Oso**
He won't stop staring.
**[15:35] Oso**
We shouldn't tease him, right?
**[15:36] Todo**
Nope. He'll kill you.
**[15:39] Todo**
More importantly, where's Totoko-chan?
**[15:41] Oso**
I have no idea. She just
asked me to wait in her room.
**[15:47] Oso**
She's here.
**[15:53] Both**
Whoa...
**[15:56] Oso**
What should we do, Todomatsu?
**[15:58] Oso**
Should we call the cops?
**[15:59] Todo**
I'm scared...
**[16:00] Oso**
It is scary!
**[16:01] Oso**
Someone just invites him over,
and he shows up in a bathrobe!
**[16:05] Oso**
That's totally occult!
**[16:06] Todo**
Huh? It looks like Choromatsu-niisan
is the only one not here.
**[16:09] Oso**
Oh, you're right.
**[16:10] Oso**
Here he comes.
**[16:11] Todo**
He's probably wearing some cheesy fashion.
**[16:18] Oso**
What's going on?! A ton of people showed up!
**[16:20] Jyu**
Baseball?!
**[16:24] Oso**
Why are so many people here?! What's happening?
**[16:27] Oso**
There are even cameras!
**[16:29] Todo**
With this many people here...
**[16:31] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[16:32] Todo**
It's not baseball, Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[16:34] Jyu**
What?! We're not playing baseball?!
**[16:37] Oso**
Actually, I guess Choromatsu really
was the only one not invited.
**[16:40] Todo**
Yeah.
**[16:51] Oso**
What is it?
**[16:52] Todo**
I dunno.
**[16:54] Choro**
I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time
**[16:57] Choro**
out of your busy schedules
to come here for Totoko-chan.
**[17:02] Choro**
I'm her manager, Choromatsu.
**[17:04] Oso**
Manager?!
**[17:05] Choro**
Totoko-chan has a very important
announcement for everyone today.
**[17:10] Choro**
If you will...
**[17:11] Toto**
Yes.
**[17:12] Toto**
You see...
**[17:16] Toto**
I've been hiding something from you all.
**[17:18] Jyu**
Were you in a porno?
**[17:21] Toto**
Actually, I...
**[17:24] Toto**
became an idol!
**[17:27] People**
Idol?
**[17:28] People**
Totoko-chan?
**[17:31] Choro**
In addition,
**[17:33] Choro**
she's not doing this as just a hobby.
**[17:36] Choro**
In order to help make her parents'
fish shop even a little more famous,
**[17:40] Choro**
Totoko-chan chose the path of becoming
an idol, in part, to help promote it.
**[17:44] Choro**
This is what you call a beautiful
devotion to your parents.
**[17:48] Choro**
However, a big problem has come up. Right?
**[17:52] Toto**
Yes... You see, I have my debut
concert coming up soon...
**[17:57] Toto**
But, um...
**[18:00] Toto**
Oh, I can't, Choromatsu-san!
I just can't say it!
**[18:02] Choro**
You can do it! You have
to be the one to say it!
**[18:04] Choro**
Okay?
**[18:06] Oso**
Uh... Exactly what kind of show is this?
**[18:10] Toto**
But...
**[18:11] Toto**
Choromatsu-san...
**[18:12] Choro**
It's okay. Everyone will understand.
**[18:15] Choro**
Okay. I will believe in everyone.
**[18:18] Oso**
* They're reading cue cards!*
* This is a total act!*
**[18:22] Toto**
You see... About the tickets
for my debut concert...
**[18:28] Toto**
I haven't sold a single one!
***SIGN*** Totoko-chan
Debut Concert!!
**[18:32] Oso**
*Huh? That's what this is about?*
**[18:36] Choro**
And so, because you all have such
big hearts, we'd like you to buy some.
**[18:39] Choro**
I repeat, this is for her parents' shop.
**[18:42] Choro**
For her parents.
**[18:44] Choro**
This is not the act of some selfish idol!
**[18:47] Choro**
We look forward to your cooperation.
***SIGN*** Totoko-chan! Happy Debut Concert
**[18:50] Oso**
Don't be ridiculous, Choromatsu!
**[18:52] Todo**
The tickets are super expensive!
They're 8,500 yen!
**[18:55] Oso**
And the towels are 20,000 yen?!
These are just hand towels from this shop!
**[18:58] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan bought about
100,000 yen worth of them!
**[19:02] Oso**
That's just because he's an idiot.
**[19:04] Choro**
Huh? You guys bought those
of your own free will, right?
**[19:07] Oso**
We were forced to buy them!
**[19:08] Choro**
But it's for her parents...
**[19:10] Oso**
Uh, their shop seems to be doing pretty well!
**[19:13] Oso**
Her dad drives a Mercedes Benz.
**[19:15] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you become a
complete fool when girls get involved.
**[19:19] Oso**
Wait, something's fishy.
**[19:22] Oso**
You're getting something in return, aren't you?
**[19:24] Todo**
You are?!
**[19:25] Oso**
Tell us honestly. What is Totoko-chan doing
for you in exchange for your cooperation?
**[19:30] Choro**
N-Nothing, really...
**[19:31] Oso**
Jyushimatsu. Octopus hold.
**[19:33] Choro**
Wait!
**[19:35] Oso**
Read the flow of the conversation!
**[19:37] Todo**
So, what did she do for you?
**[19:40] Todo**
Well? Choromatsu-niisan?!
**[19:42] Choro**
Just once...
**[19:43] Todo**
Just once...?!
**[19:45] Cho**
S...
**[19:46] Both**
Se—?!
**[19:48] Choo**
Sh-She patted me on the back.
**[19:52] Oso**
Give me back my money, damn it!
**[19:54] Todo**
Yeah!
**[19:57] Jyu**
Hey, she's here!
**[19:58] Choro**
It's Totoko-chan!
**[20:00] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[20:19] Totoko**
*Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full*
**[20:24] Choro**
One serving of squid!
**[20:26] Totoko**
*Love is an illusion*
**[20:27] Choro**
Fish dried overnight!
**[20:29] Toto**
*All people breathe through gills!*
**[20:32] Choro**
Glub, glub, glub! Yay!
**[20:36] Choro**
Isn't she cute?!
**[20:38] Five**
Super cute!
**[20:42] Six**
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
**[20:50] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The End
**[22:36] Oso**
I got the place to myself? Lucky me!
**[22:40] Oso**
Whoa, what the hell?
**[22:41] Todo**
Todomatsu...
**[22:42] Dayon**
...and Dayon's...
**[22:44] Todo**
...delivery skit!
**[22:46] Todo**
Red Riding Hood That's Actually Sad.
**[22:49] Oso**
Huh? Wha?
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
***SIGN*** Red Riding Hood That's Actually Sad
**[22:53] Todo**
Hey, Grandma.
**[22:55] Dayon**
What's the matter, Red Riding Hood?
**[22:58] Todo**
Why are your eyes so droopy?
**[23:01] Dayon**
That's because of...
**[23:03] Dayon**
genetics.
**[23:05] Todo**
Then why is your moustache so coarse?
**[23:08] Dayon**
That's because of genetics.
**[23:12] Todo**
Then why is your mouth so big?
**[23:15] Dayon**
That's because of...
**[23:22] Dayon**
genetics!
**[23:25] Todo**
I'm sorry for picking on you!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Jyushi**
Heya!
**[23:36] Jyushi**
Heya, heya, heya, heya!
**[23:37] Jyushi**
This is Jyushimatsu!
**[23:39] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san.
**[23:42] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san!
**[23:46] Jyu**
"The Karamatsu Incident" and "ESP Kitty"
are on the next Osomatsu-san!
***SIGN*** "The Karamatsu Incident" "ESP Kitty"
# E5 - The Karamatsu Incident / ESP Kitty
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR190GW16/the-karamatsu-incident--esp-kitty)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** The Karamatsu Incident
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[01:35] Oso**
I'm full.
**[01:36] Chibi**
You drank too much, you idjit.
**[01:38] Chibi**
You guys better have money
to pay for all this.
**[01:41] Choro**
We do.
**[01:41] Ichi**
We don't.
**[01:42] Chibi**
One of you said you don't, you idjits!
**[01:44] Chibi**
Damn it... Always putting
everything on your tab.
**[01:48] Chibi**
You spent quite a bit again today, y'know.
**[01:50] Chibi**
Go home already.
**[01:52] Jyu**
Yum! More oden, please!
**[01:55] Chibi**
Take your time, idjit.
**[02:06] Choro**
We fell asleep.
**[02:07] Choro**
Come on, guys. Let's head home.
**[02:12] Choro**
How much is it, Chibita?
**[02:16] Choro**
Oh?
**[02:17] Todo**
Thanks for the meal, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[02:19] Oso**
Why is it me?
**[02:20] Oso**
We're splitting this evenly!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
**[02:27] Oso**
Sorry, Chibita! Put it on our tab!
**[02:43] Chibi**
Hey, hold it right there!
**[02:45] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:47] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[02:53] Chibi**
You'll regret this, damn you!
**[03:07] Kara**
Huh?!
**[03:12] Chibi**
I see you're awake, idjit.
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
**[03:18] Chibi**
Soon it'll be high tide, and you'll be finished.
**[03:25] Chibi**
You're my hostage, you idjit.
**[03:27] Chibi**
You guys are gonna pay off
your tab with your ransom.
**[03:32] Kara**
Y-You're kidding, right, Chibita?
**[03:35] Chibi**
I'm dead serious, you idjit!
**[03:37] Kara**
Y-You really think you're
gonna get away with—
**[03:40] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:41] Kara**
That's hot!
**[03:42] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:43] ---**
Hot!
**[03:43] ---**
Take that!
**[03:44] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:45] Chibi**
Take that!
**[03:45] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:49] Kara**
That's good.
**[03:50] Kara**
Hot!
**[03:51] Kara**
Hot, hot, hot!
**[03:57] Oso**
So noisy... What time do you think it is?
**[04:00] Oso**
It's only ten in the morning.
**[04:03] Oso**
Yeah?
**[04:04] Chibi**
* Listen up. I kidnapped*
* your brother, Karamatsu.*
**[04:08] Chibi**
*If you want him back—*
**[04:09] Oso**
You've got the wrong number.
**[04:15] Oso**
I'm going back to bed.
**[04:19] Jyu**
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hi-yah!
**[04:23] Jyu**
Yes, this is Jyushimatsu.
**[04:25] Choro**
Who answers the phone like that?
**[04:26] Jyu**
What?! Karamatsu-niisan's...
**[04:29] Jyu**
A youkai?!
**[04:30] Jyu**
What does that mean?!
**[04:32] Choro**
What?
**[04:33] Jyu**
Apparently Karamatsu-niisan's
been turned into a youkai.
**[04:36] Choro**
Huh?
**[04:37] Chibi**
*That's "kidnapped (yuukai)," you idjit!*
**[04:39] Jyu**
One more time, please.
**[04:44] Jyu**
Roger that.
**[04:45] Jyu**
Karamatsu-niisan is gonna die from
an enema in the ocean, apparently.
**[04:48] Choro**
Why is he getting an enema in the ocean?
**[04:51] Choro**
And how would someone die
from an enema (kanchou)?
**[04:53] Chibi**
*High tide (manchou)!*
**[04:55] Choro**
Hand it over. Hello?
**[04:57] Choro**
Is it true that our brother turned into a youkai
and will die from an enema in the ocean?
**[05:02] Choro**
That's not right at all?
**[05:04] Choro**
Oh, thank goodness.
**[05:06] Choro**
Huh? Yes.
**[05:09] Choro**
What?!
**[05:09] Jyu**
Huh?
**[05:13] Choro**
We're in trouble! Karamatsu's been kidnapped!
**[05:16] Choro**
What should we do?!
**[05:17] Oso/Todo**
Oh, no. What to do?
**[05:18] Choro**
Come on! Be a little worried!
Why are you so relaxed?
**[05:21] Choro**
Our brother's life is in danger!
**[05:23] Choro**
If we don't do something,
Karamatsu might die!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no...
**[05:28] Choro**
Stop dancing, Ichimatsu. Don't celebrate
your brother's disappearance.
**[05:31] Oso**
Even if he was kidnapped,
we don't have any money.
**[05:34] Oso**
I'm sure there's a ransom, right?
**[05:36] Choro**
One million, he said.
**[05:37] Oso**
So expensive!
**[05:38] Todo**
One million to get Karamatsu-niisan back?
**[05:41] Ichi**
Who's Karamatsu?
**[05:42] Choro**
Are you all demons?
**[05:44] Choro**
That's not that expensive for a ransom!
**[05:46] Todo**
You pay it, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:48] Oso**
What? Why me?
**[05:50] Todo**
You won at the horse races
the other day, didn't you?
**[05:53] Todo**
Did you think I didn't know?
**[05:54] Oso**
How do you know that?
**[05:56] Todo**
What?! You really did win?
**[05:58] Oso**
Hey! You tricked me!
**[06:00] Todo**
Aren't I good? All the *horsing around* pays off!
**[06:04] Choro**
Hey! Stop trying to lighten the
mood with your stupid conversation
**[06:05] Oso**
"Horsing around!" Good one!
**[06:08] Choro**
and think of a way to get that money!
**[06:10] Oso**
Oh, by the way, Ichimatsu.
**[06:12] Ichi**
Huh?
**[06:12] Oso**
I lent you some money
the other day, didn't I?
**[06:15] Oso**
Use that to pay the ransom.
**[06:16] Ichi**
Huh? B-But I've got money out on
loan to Jyushimatsu right now.
**[06:21] Jyu**
I've got some out on loan to Todomatsu.
**[06:23] Todo**
And mine's out on loan to Karamatsu-niisan.
**[06:26] Oso**
Then we just need to have
Karamatsu pay the ransom.
**[06:29] Choro**
What the hell?! He's the
one who's been kidnapped!
**[06:32] Todo**
There's nothing we can do about the
money. Let's talk to Mom about it.
**[06:36] Choro**
Mom! Perfect timing!
**[06:38] Choro**
We were just—
**[06:38] Mom**
Hello, my NEETs.
**[06:40] Mom**
I peeled some pears for you.
**[06:42] All**
Wow, pears!
**[06:46] Mom**
Our neighbors gave them to us. Eat up!
**[06:49] All**
Yay!
**[06:52] One**
So good!
***SIGN*** Pay Your Tab!!
***SIGN*** Pub
**[07:19] Chibi**
O-Order whatever you'd like.
**[07:22] Chibi**
Th-The sashimi here is great!
**[07:26] Chibi**
Want to get a sashimi boat?
**[07:31] Chibi**
Y-You know, they probably thought it was
a prank, and not an actual kidnapping.
**[07:37] Chibi**
Th-That's probably why they
didn't come to save you...
**[07:40] Chibi**
Man, I totally messed up.
**[07:42] Chibi**
I'm really a lousy actor.
**[07:55] Chibi**
What do you want to do? Want to go home?
**[08:00] Chibi**
I guess you probably can't, huh?
**[08:02] Chibi**
It'd be awkward, huh?
**[08:05] Chibi**
But seriously, the sashimi's
good. Aren't you hungry?
**[08:12] Chibi**
Damn it! Say something, you idjit!
**[08:14] Chibi**
It's awkward for me, too!
**[08:16] Chibi**
How was I supposed to know that,
when I kidnapped you,
**[08:18] Chibi**
your family wouldn't care at all?
**[08:26] Chibi**
I'm sorry! Seriously, I'm so sorry!
**[08:29] Kara**
I lost to pears!
**[08:31] Chibi**
Don't let it get to you!
**[08:32] Chibi**
No one can win over the lure
of having pears at home!
**[08:36] Chibi**
Karamatsu, this just means
you've gotta get revenge.
**[08:39] Chibi**
We're gonna teach those idiots a lesson!
**[08:42] Chibi**
We'll show them just how lonely
it'd be if one of you from
**[08:45] Chibi**
the ultimate group of siblings
actually disappeared.
**[08:47] Kara**
Chibita...
**[08:56] Kara**
Hey! You didn't say anything about this!
**[08:58] Kara**
Chibita, stop! Let me down!
**[09:01] Kara**
Hey! Listen to me!
**[09:02] Chibi**
Hey, you stupid brothers!
**[09:04] Chibi**
Do you really not care what happens
to Karamatsu? He's gonna die!
**[09:08] Kara**
I'm gonna die!
**[09:10] Chibi**
If you really love him,
then come save him, you idjits!
**[09:14] Kara**
Are you stupid?! You idiot!
**[09:15] Kara**
Let me down, you shrimp!
**[09:16] Kara**
Baldy! Die, you dumbass!
**[09:19] Chibi**
Oh, look! There they are!
**[09:21] Chibi**
Now defeat me and come save him, damn it!
**[09:25] Chibi**
Come at me!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[09:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "ESP Kitty"
**[10:05] Jyu**
Beg your pardon! Beg your pardon!
**[10:08] Ichi**
In this day and age?
**[10:09] Jyu**
Beg your pardon!
**[10:11] Deka**
Hello. Who might you be?
**[10:13] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu. Hello, Professor Dekapan.
**[10:16] Deka**
Well, hello.
**[10:23] Ichi**
Hi.
**[10:24] Deka**
Hello.
**[10:26] Jyu**
Discussion! There's something
we'd like to discuss with you!
**[10:28] Deka**
Oh?
**[10:31] Deka**
A medicine that would let you speak to cats?
**[10:34] Jyu**
Yeah. You got one?
**[10:36] Deka**
Sadly, no...
**[10:38] Jyu**
I see.
**[10:42] Deka**
And why would you need something like that?
**[10:45] Jyu**
My brother here, Ichimatsu-niisan,
doesn't have any friends.
**[10:49] Ichi**
It's not that I don't have any.
I just don't make any.
**[10:52] Jyu**
So I thought it'd be nice if
he could talk to that cat.
**[10:56] Ichi**
Meddlesome idiot.
**[10:58] Ichi**
You can't even talk to
people properly yourself.
**[11:01] Jyu**
You're one to talk.
**[11:03] Deka**
Come to think of it, I've got just the thing!
**[11:06] Deka**
Hmm, this is karintou... Ah...
**[11:08] Jyu**
Did you find it, Professor?
**[11:10] Deka**
That's odd...
**[11:12] Deka**
I could've sworn it was around here...
**[11:13] Deka**
Oh, I remember now!
**[11:16] Deka**
This is it.
**[11:17] Both**
It reeks!
**[11:18] Deka**
It's called Feelings Medicine.
**[11:21] Jyu**
Feel-good medicine?
**[11:22] Deka**
Feelings Medicine!
Stop with the risqué phrasing.
**[11:25] Jyu**
What's it do?
**[11:26] Deka**
You'll be able to tell how the other person
is really feeling at the moment.
**[11:31] Deka**
You'll be able to understand
what that kitty's feeling, too.
**[11:34] Jyu**
Sounds good! You should get
some, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:38] Ichi**
And I told you to stop meddl—
Ack! What are you doing?!
**[11:42] Deka**
What is it?
**[11:44] Deka**
What do you want to do? I want
to know how you really feel.
**[11:48] Ichi**
I-It's no— Ack! I said don't!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[11:56] Ichi**
M-Maybe I do wanna know...
**[12:00] Ichi**
What he's really feeling.
**[12:03] Deka**
All right, then. Stick out your bum.
**[12:05] Ichi**
Huh? Why my ass?
**[12:06] Deka**
Well, because this medicine...
**[12:09] Deka**
is administered via injection.
**[12:15] Ichi**
Let go of me! I'm going
to kill you, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:17] Jyu**
I've never heard you yell
so loud, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:21] Ichi**
You're scaring me! How can
you sound so unconcerned?!
**[12:24] Deka**
All right, here we go.
**[12:25] Ichi**
I can't do this!
**[12:26] Deka**
Come on, now. You're an adult.
**[12:28] Ich**
That's got nothing to do with this!
Shots are hell, no matter how old you are!
**[12:30] Deka**
This will hurt, so relax your muscles.
**[12:32] Ichi**
No!
**[12:42] Deka**
Oh, my.
**[12:44] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:48] All**
What?!
**[12:49] All**
A cat that can understand human feelings?!
**[12:53] Todo**
So he can tell if you're lying?
**[12:55] Dekka**
That is correct.
**[12:56] Dekka**
No matter how much you try to cover
it up, it's futile in the face of this kitty.
**[13:01] Deka**
Also, it seems like there was a side effect,
so he can now speak human language.
**[13:06] Oso**
What? He can speak?!
**[13:07] Deka**
Try it out.
**[13:09] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan.
**[13:10] Oso**
Me?
**[13:15] Oso**
Choromatsu is stylish.
**[13:18] Cat**
Choromatsu is super lame.
**[13:20] Oso**
That's amazing! He saw right through me!
**[13:22] Choro**
Forget him seeing right through you!
Is that what you really think?!
**[13:25] Todo**
Choromatsu is funny.
**[13:27] Cat**
Choromatsu is super boring.
**[13:28] Choro**
Hey...
**[13:29] Oso**
Choromatsu is smart.
**[13:31] Cat**
Choromatsu is super dumb.
**[13:32] Todo**
Choromatsu is popular.
**[13:34] Cat**
Choromatsu is a stupid virgin.
**[13:36] Todo**
That's awesome! Perfect!
**[13:39] Choro**
Bullying? Is this bullying?
**[13:41] Oso**
You're incredible!
**[13:43] Oso**
You're an ESP kitty!
**[13:46] Todo**
But I'm worried...
**[13:49] Todo**
Someone could use him for evil.
**[13:50] Todo**
Let's keep him here.
**[13:52] Cat**
This cat's gonna be worth some money.
**[13:54] Todo**
Th-There'd be trouble if the
press found out about him.
**[13:57] Cat**
There's always the circus.
**[13:59] Todo**
We have to take good care of
Ichimatsu-niisan's good friend.
**[14:02] Cat**
Get rich quick!
**[14:04] Choro**
You dried-up monster... Everything
you thought just came out.
**[14:08] Oso**
So I guess no one can lie in front of him.
**[14:12] Oso**
I've got a great idea!
**[14:14] Oso**
Let's take this cat to Totoko-chan.
**[14:16] Choro**
Why?
**[14:18] Oso**
We'll ask her which of us she likes the most.
**[14:20] Oso**
And then...
**[14:22] Choro**
We'll be able to find out
how she really feels!
**[14:24] Todo**
Good idea!
**[14:27] Oso**
Actually, let's not.
**[14:28] Choro**
Yeah, let's not.
**[14:30] Todo**
She might have someone else she likes...
**[14:31] Oso**
That was close...
**[14:33] Choro**
We would've crashed and burned.
**[14:34] Todo**
That vagueness will keep us sane.
**[14:38] Jyu**
Hey.
**[14:39] Jyu**
Why don't you talk to him?
**[14:44] Ichi**
I'll pass.
**[14:45] Jyu**
Why? It's fun.
**[14:47] Ichi**
No thanks. I'm not interested.
**[14:50] Jyu**
Here.
**[14:50] Ichi**
Hey! Stop meddling—
**[14:55] Oso**
He's being as cold as ever. I thought
at least the cat was his friend.
**[15:00] Todo**
Nah, Ichimatsu-niisan doesn't
know what friendship is.
**[15:05] Ichi**
Well, yeah. You don't need that to live.
**[15:09] Ichi**
I honestly don't know how you guys
adjust to others the way you do.
**[15:12] Ichi**
Friends? Comrades?
**[15:15] Ichi**
I'll never need either of those.
**[15:18] Cat**
I don't really feel that way, though.
**[15:22] Choro**
Huh? Who just said that?
**[15:26] Todo**
The cat.
**[15:27] Choro**
Which means that what Ichimatsu
just said is how he really feels...
**[15:32] Oso**
What? This cat can see how
people really feel, you know.
**[15:36] Oso**
You act like a loner, but you
actually want friends, don't you?
**[15:39] Ichi**
Th-That's not true... I don't want any.
**[15:42] Cat**
I do.
**[15:44] Ichi**
I told you I don't!
**[15:47] Ichi**
Why should I go through the effort
to have something like that?
**[15:51] Cat**
Why can't I make any friends?
**[15:56] Ichi**
W-Well, no one's really worth it.
**[16:00] Cat**
Well, actually, I'm not really worth that.
**[16:04] Ichi**
It's useless to try to get closer to others.
**[16:08] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to others.
**[16:12] Ichi**
It's a waste of effort.
**[16:13] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[16:15] Ichi**
Those guys would all betray me
without a second thought.
**[16:18] Cat**
I might not be able to live
up to their expectations.
**[16:20] Ichi**
Actually, who ever heard of
having a cat as a friend?
**[16:24] Cat**
Actually, it's easier to have a cat as a friend.
**[16:26] Ichi**
They don't understand what you say.
**[16:28] Cat**
That's why I won't get hurt.
**[16:29] Ichi**
Ugh, this is stupid!
**[16:31] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[16:32] Ichi**
I really don't need any friends!
**[16:34] Cat**
I really don't need any friends...
**[16:37] Cat**
Because I have all of you guys.
**[16:43] Ichi**
Shut up! You think you can
act like you know me?!
**[16:46] Choro**
No, Ichimatsu. The cat's just
saying how you really feel...
**[16:50] Ichi**
You're annoying me! Get lost!
**[16:54] Cat**
You're annoying me. Get lost.
**[17:02] Choro**
Ichimatsu... You...
**[17:13] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[17:15] Iyami**
You should all believe in me and vote for me!
***SIGN*** The Con Party Iyami
**[17:19] Iyami**
If I'm elected, all of your problems will be solved.
**[17:22] Cat**
Actually, I just want to use my title
and money to have babes fawn over me.
**[17:27] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:30] Iyamim**
Welcome!
**[17:32] Iyami**
Our products are good for you, good for
the environment, and completely organic.
**[17:38] Cat**
Though I have no idea what "organic" means.
**[17:41] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:44] Iyami**
I-I love you...
**[17:46] Cat**
At least until you let me do you.
**[17:47] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:51] Cat**
This would look perfect on you.
**[17:54] Cat**
You guys have no future.
**[17:57] Cat**
I'm amazed you actually believe me.
**[18:00] Iyami**
You keep blabbing unnecessary things!
**[18:03] Iyami**
Come back here!
**[18:16] Cat**
I'm actually scared to get closer to people.
**[18:19] Cat**
I'm not confident in myself.
**[18:21] Cat**
Ugh, I'm so lonely.
**[18:25] Ichi**
Pain in the ass.
**[19:08] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:10] Oso**
Meow!
**[19:11] Choro**
Stop that, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[19:14] Oso**
Can't find him anywhere.
Maybe he ran off somewhere far away,
**[19:18] Oso**
because someone said something
really mean to him.
**[19:21] Choro**
Hey.
**[19:26] Todo**
Should we let Chibita know, too?
You never know where he'll turn up.
**[19:31] Oso**
What do you want to do, Ichimatsu?
**[19:34] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[19:35] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan...
**[19:37] Ichi**
It's not like I was his owner.
**[19:40] Ichi**
It doesn't matter if he dies.
**[19:41] Choro**
Now, look...
**[19:44] Oso**
If you say you don't care, we won't look for him.
**[19:48] Oso**
Are you sure that's what you want?
**[19:50] Ichi**
Yeah...
**[19:51] Oso**
Okay. Let's go home, then.
**[19:58] Oso**
Hey, we're going home.
**[20:08] Oso**
Oh?
**[20:26] Ichi**
What? What the heck?!
**[20:34] Cat**
I'm sorry.
**[20:46] Ichi**
I'm sorry, too.
**[20:50] Cat**
I'm sorry, too.
**[21:07] Oso**
What the heck? Where were you?
**[21:10] Oso**
And why are you so dirty? Whoa, you stink!
**[21:13] Oso**
You smell like an old guy's behind!
**[21:14] Choro**
Uh, I can't say I've ever
smelled an old guy's behind.
**[21:18] Todo**
Man, I didn't know what we were
going to do when you disappeared.
**[21:21] Todo**
Thank goodness you came back.
**[21:23] Oso**
Nice job, Jyushimatsu!
We'll treat you to a public bath...
**[21:25] Oso**
Choromatsu will, that is.
**[21:27] Choro**
Why me?!
**[21:32] Todo**
Huh? Are you crying, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[21:34] Ichi**
I'm not.
**[21:35] Todo**
Are you actually crying?!
**[21:36] Ichi**
There's no way I'd cry.
**[21:45] Kara**
They're treating him completely differently!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:22] Iyami**
This is Iyami!
**[23:24] Iyami**
To all of you who thought it was Todomatsu's
turn to do this week's preview...
**[23:29] Iyami**
Well done. You can go take
a dump and go to bed now.
**[23:32] Iyami**
You've got hair coming out of your
nose. You stink behind the ears.
**[23:36] Iyami**
And... next week is what
you've all been waiting for!
**[23:39] Iyami**
It's an episode all about me!
**[23:41] Iyami**
I'm sure you all have nothing
better to do, so check it out!
***SIGN*** "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo" "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[23:44] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
# E6 - It's a Birthday Party, Dajo / Iyami's Great Discovery
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYNQX3N9Y/its-a-birthday-party-dajo--iyamis-great-discovery)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[00:00] Oso**
I...
**[00:02] Kara**
I...
**[00:03] Jyu**
I...
**[00:04] Jyu**
I...
**[00:05] Four**
I...
**[00:06] Four**
...am so bored.
***SIGN*** "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo"
**[00:18] Mom**
Hello, my NEETs. There's a letter for you.
**[00:21] Choro**
Letter?
**[00:22] Choro**
Damn, the handwriting is terrible.
**[00:24] Choro**
What does this even say?
**[00:25] Jyu**
Oh, it's from Hatabou.
**[00:27] Choro**
You can read this, Jyushimatsu?
**[00:29] Jyu**
No, but it smells like Hatabou.
**[00:32] Choro**
"I'm... having a... birthday... party, jo."
**[00:41] Oso**
A birthday party? Hatabou's?
**[00:44] Choro**
Sounds like it. Wanna go?
**[00:46] Kara**
There's no need.
**[00:48] Kara**
Because every day in this world...
**[00:51] Kara**
is someone's birthday.
**[00:52] Todo**
By the way, where's Hatabou
living right now, anyway?
**[00:57] Todo**
In the attic?
**[00:58] Todo**
Under the floor?
**[00:59] Todo**
The sewer?
**[01:00] Choro**
Uh, he's not a rat.
**[01:03] Choro**
But his private life has
always been a mystery.
**[01:06] Ichi**
He's an adult by now too, though...
**[01:20] Six**
Wh-What?
**[01:22] Six**
What?!
**[01:24] Choro**
Why does it look like he's
living like a billionaire?!
**[01:26] Choro**
What the hell *is* Hatabou now?!
**[01:28] Oso**
A celebrity? A legend?
**[01:31] Oso**
A living national treasure?
**[01:32] Ichi**
Crap... It's the hellish pattern
where the guy we ignored as kids
**[01:36] Ichi**
makes it big as an adult,
**[01:38] Ichi**
and now the roles have reversed and
he's out to get his revenge on us...
**[01:42] Todo**
Quit with the suspenseful
delusions, Darkmatsu-niisan.
**[01:45] Old**
Oh, my...
**[01:47] Old**
I sincerely apologize for
keeping you all waiting.
**[01:52] Six**
*What?!*
**[01:53] Six**
* They all have flags stuck in*
* their heads? What the hell?*
**[01:56] Old**
My good fellows, how are
your flags doing today?
**[02:01] Choro**
Huh? Uh... We don't have flags.
**[02:07] Old**
You don't have flags?!
Oh, you must be joking!
**[02:10] Three**
Flag, flag, flag, flag...
**[02:11] Choro**
*What the hell is with that laugh?!*
**[02:13] Choro**
*It's super creepy!*
**[02:15] Old**
Pardon. We would like to thank you for
attending Mr. Flag's birthday party today,
**[02:20] Old**
from the bottom of our hearts.
**[02:22] Choro**
* Who the hell is Mr. Flag?*
* Does he mean Hatabou?*
**[02:25] Old**
I'm sure that Mr. Flag is simply flagging
with excitement to see you all again.
**[02:33] Guy**
He has indeed gone flag-out with this party.
**[02:36] Lady**
Please let your inner flags fly.
**[02:39] Choro**
* I have no idea what they're saying!*
* What the hell is an inner flag?!*
**[02:42] Kara**
All right. However...
**[02:45] Kara**
You better not flag on our parade.
**[02:47] Old**
Please wait here for a bit longer.
**[02:49] Jyu**
U-Um...
**[02:52] Jyu**
Where's the bathroom?
**[02:53] Old**
My dear Ichimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the wa—
**[02:56] Jyu**
Oh, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[02:59] Old**
I-I'm terribly sorr—
**[03:03] Six**
What?!
**[03:07] Guy**
How dare you mistake the names of Mr. Flag's
friends? You shall pay with your death.
**[03:12] Lady**
Vermin.
**[03:16] Guy**
Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the way.
**[03:19] Kara**
Oh, I'm Karamatsu.
**[03:23] Six**
What?!
**[03:26] Ady**
Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
I shall show you the way.
**[03:30] Jyu**
No... I don't need to go anymore.
**[03:35] Six**
Why?!
**[03:44] Guy**
What? The Master's friends have disappeared?
**[03:46] Guy**
Find them at once!
***SIGN*** Boss
**[03:51] Oso**
Creepy! This is super creepy!
**[03:53] Choro**
What's going on with Hatabou?
**[03:55] Choro**
What happened to him?!
**[03:56] Todo**
We can think about that later!
**[03:58] Todo**
For now, let's just run!
**[04:00] Hata**
Huh?
**[04:02] Hata**
What's the matter, jo?
**[04:04] All**
Hatabou!
**[04:07] Hata**
Yay, jo!
**[04:09] Hata**
Everyone came, jo! I'm so happy, jo!
**[04:13] Oso**
Oh... It looks like Hatabou
himself hasn't changed at all.
**[04:13] Hata**
So happy, jo! So happy, jo! So happy,jo!
**[04:16] Todo**
Man, I'm exhausted.
**[04:19] Choro**
But seriously, Hatabou...
How did you get this rich?
**[04:24] Hata**
Uh...
**[04:26] Hata**
I dunno, jo.
**[04:27] Choro**
Er, you don't know?
**[04:29] Guy**
Mr. Flag, you have a call from the president.
**[04:33] Choro**
President?
**[04:35] Obama**
*Hi, Mr. Flag.*
**[04:36] Choro**
Obama?!
**[04:37] Obama**
* We are facing a serious economic*
* crisis. Do you have any advice?*
**[04:42] Choro**
Wait, Hatabou understands English?!
**[04:44] Hata**
Jo!
**[04:46] Hata**
American hot dogs, jo!
**[04:51] Obama**
*American... hot dogs...*
**[04:54] Obama**
*Oh, fantastic!*
**[04:55] Obama**
*Amazing! Genius!*
**[04:58] Guy**
A consulting fee of 500 million has been
transferred to your account, sir.
**[05:02] Hata**
Yay, more money, jo!
**[05:04] Choro**
Wait, Hatabou got rich doing *this*?!
**[05:06] Choro**
What is your job?!
**[05:09] Hata**
Selling information.
**[05:11] Choro**
Uh, all you said was "American hot dogs."
***SIGN*** Mr. Flag's Birthday
***SIGN*** Mr. Flag
**[05:20] Hata**
I'm so happy, jo.
**[05:36] Hata**
Jo!
**[05:44] Person**
Hello, I'm Tachi Hiroo.
**[05:57] Oso**
Seriously, what the hell?!
**[05:58] Oso**
I have no idea what's going on!
**[06:00] Kara**
Why pole dancers?
**[06:02] Choro**
Why horseback archery?
**[06:03] Ichi**
When did he become friends with Tachi?
**[06:05] Todo**
And there wasn't a single event involving flags...
**[06:08] Hata**
That was so much fun, jo!
**[06:09] Six**
Hatabou!
**[06:10] Hata**
Today was the best day ever because
I got to see you all again, jo.
**[06:15] Choro**
Hatabou, um, we're gonna head home, okay?
**[06:20] Hata**
Aw, I'll miss you... But come over
whenever you want, jo.
**[06:24] Choro**
Uh, I'm not sure about that...
**[06:27] Oso**
Do you have a sec?
**[06:29] Oso**
Hey, I have something I want to ask you.
**[06:31] Hata**
What is it, jo?
**[06:33] Oso**
It doesn't have to be much...
But could you give me some money?
**[06:37] Hata**
Money?
**[06:38] Hata**
Sure.
**[06:39] Oso**
Really?!
**[06:40] Choro**
Hey!
**[06:41] Choro**
What were you just talking about?
**[06:45] Choro**
Jyushimatsu. Octopus hold.
**[06:47] Oso**
W-Wait a minute!
**[06:50] Choro**
Pay attention to the conversation!
**[06:51] Jyu**
Huh?
**[06:53] Todo**
But seriously, Osomatsu-niisan,
I couldn't believe my ears.
**[06:57] Todo**
How do you come up with such ingenious ideas?
**[07:00] Choro**
You're complimenting him?!
**[07:05] Hata**
You can have as much as you'd like, jo!
**[07:07] Six**
What?!
**[07:08] Hata**
How much do you want?
**[07:09] Hata**
A hundred million? A billion?
**[07:11] Oso**
U-Uh, then... About a million?
**[07:15] Hata**
You don't need to hold back, jo.
**[07:22] Choro**
That's enough!
**[07:26] Horo**
Seriously, guys, stop this!
**[07:27] Choro**
You too, Hatabou! You can't
just randomly give out money!
**[07:31] Choro**
That's not what friendship is!
**[07:33] Hata**
I-I'm sorry, jo...
**[07:36] Oso**
Hey, how dare you say that to Cashcowbou?
**[07:39] Choro**
His name isn't Cashcowbou!
**[07:40] Oso**
He said we could take it!
**[07:42] Choro**
No!
**[07:43] Oso**
Why?
**[07:44] Choro**
No means no!
**[07:46] Oso**
Then you can be the only one to take nothing!
**[07:48] Choro**
That's not the issue here!
**[07:57] Hata**
Stop fighting, jo! Let's all get along, jo!
**[08:01] Oso**
Hatabou...
**[08:04] Todo**
Hey, I have a good idea.
**[08:07] Todo**
Say, Hatabou. We're actually unemployed
right now, so could you give us jobs?
**[08:13] Todo**
We'll all work at your place,
and then you can pay us.
**[08:17] Hata**
Jo! Sure, jo!
**[08:20] Hata**
You'll be my employees, jo!
We'll all be friends, jo!
**[08:25] Kara**
So we're gonna have to work here...
I guess we had to raise the white flag.
**[08:31] Guy**
We here at Flag Corporation do
not have tests or interviews.
**[08:36] Guy**
There is only one requirement to be hired...
**[08:39] Guy**
That is the flag.
**[08:42] Hata**
Here we go, jo.
**[08:43] Todo**
Whoa! Wait a second!
**[08:46] Hata**
Jo?
**[08:47] Todo**
You're gonna jab those in?
**[08:48] Hata**
Yup, jo.
**[08:49] Todo**
Into our heads?
**[08:50] Hata**
What's the matter, jo?
**[08:53] Hata**
You're my friends, jo...
**[08:55] Oso**
Listen... It would kinda hurt to have
those jabbed into our heads, so...
**[08:59] Oso**
How about our asses?
**[09:00] Oso**
I think we could handle that thickness...
**[09:05] Hata**
Sure, jo.
**[09:08] Choro**
If this will get us a job...
**[09:10] Ichi**
If it's only that thick...
**[09:12] Oso**
It's not a problem.
**[09:13] Hata**
All right, let's bring out the ass-sized flags, jo.
**[09:16] ---**
Ass-sized?
**[09:20] Guy**
Here are your ass-sized flags, sir.
**[09:26] Six**
Huh?
**[09:27] Hata**
Now we're really friends, jo!
**[09:29] Oso**
Um, actually...
**[09:36] Jyu**
Wahoo!
**[09:39] Six**
A pleasure working with you, Mr. Flag!
***SIGN*** "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[09:45] Son**
Hey, Dad.
**[09:48] Son**
I want to be able to throw the ball faster!
**[09:52] Dad**
All right. Then we'll have to practice every day.
**[09:56] Son**
Yeah!
**[10:05] Nar**
*His name is Iyami.*
**[10:07] Nar**
* He has no permanent address,*
* and is unemployed after losing his job.*
**[10:11] Iyami**
This is strange. Why is me living like
this when I just came back from France?
**[10:16] Nar**
* He says this rather often, but has*
* never actually been to France.*
**[10:23] Ann**
* And they're entering the*
* final corner neck-and-neck!*
**[10:26] Iyami**
Go, Deep Implant!
**[10:28] Oso**
Don't lose, Mejiro MatsuQueen!
**[10:30] Ann**
* Uh-oh! Looks like Deep*
* Implant has taken the lead!*
**[10:33] Ann**
* He's moving at tremendous speed!*
* He's at least twenty lengths ahead!*
**[10:38] Iyami**
Me is going to win!
**[10:43] Ann**
* Oh, no! He was going so fast,*
* he exceeded time and space!*
**[10:47] Ann**
*He didn't cross the finish line!*
**[10:48] Ann**
* You never know what will happen*
* until the very end at the races!*
**[10:50] Ann**
*Talk about scary!*
**[10:52] Ann**
*And so the winner is Mejiro MatsuQueen!*
**[10:54] Oso**
All right!
**[10:56] Oso**
Iyami, you're not supposed to pick a
horse that exceeds time and space.
**[11:02] Ann**
*And they're approaching the goal neck-and-neck!*
**[11:05] Iyami**
You better win this time,
Front Teeth Top Gun!
**[11:07] Oso**
Don't lose, Matsuda Brian!
**[11:10] Ann**
*And Front Teeth Top Gun takes the lead!*
**[11:13] Ann**
*He's moving at tremendous speed,*
**[11:14] Ann**
* and doesn't look like he'll*
* exceed time and space!*
**[11:18] Iyami**
Me is finally going to win!
**[11:21] Ann**
*Oh, no!*
**[11:22] Ann**
* The horse exploded and*
* didn't cross the finish line!*
**[11:24] Ann**
*This is what makes the races so scary!*
***SIGN*** Results
**[11:26] Ann**
*Matsuda Brian is the winner!*
**[11:28] Oso**
All right!
**[11:30] Oso**
Come on, Iyami. You can't
pick exploding horses.
**[11:33] Iyami**
Exploding horses?
**[11:36] Ann**
*And they're going into (etc.)!*
**[11:38] Iyamim**
This is our last chance, Oguri Overbite!
**[11:41] Oso**
I'm starting to feel really bad for him, so win!
**[11:44] Ann**
*And Oguri Overbite takes the lead!*
**[11:45] Both**
Yes!
**[11:46] Ann**
*He's fast! So fast! Will he make it?!*
**[11:48] Ann**
*Is nothing going to happen?!*
**[11:50] Ann**
*Look at that! He's crossed the finish line!*
**[11:52] Ann**
* The winner is Oguri Overbite!*
* Congratulations, Iyami-kun!*
**[11:56] Iyami**
Yay!
**[11:58] Iyami**
Now I'm one step closer to France!
**[12:02] An**
* Er, one moment, please.*
* Looks like the judges are deliberating.*
***SIGN*** Deliberation
**[12:08] Ann**
* So, concerning this last race and*
* Oguri Overbite, the first to finish...*
**[12:12] Ann**
*As he is a centaur, he will be disqualified.*
**[12:14] Ann**
* Would you look at that! This is*
* what real horse racing is, folks!*
**[12:19] Oso**
Iyami... Here, have some stew and cheer u—
**[12:24] Oso**
Hot!
**[12:25] Oso**
What was that for?
**[12:26] Iyami**
Instead of giving me that,
give me your betting ticket!
**[12:30] Oso**
Whoa! Hey! Stop that!
**[12:32] Iyami**
Give it to me, you stupid stewhead!
**[12:33] Oso**
Stupid stewhead?!
**[12:34] Oso**
You can make fun of me all you want,
but don't you dare insult the stew!
**[12:37] Hata**
I'm back, jo.
**[12:39] Oso**
Huh? Hatabou, why are you dressed like that?
**[12:42] Hata**
I was told to do the hundred-times
shrine pilgrimage
**[12:44] Hata**
so Iyami would win at the races, jo.
**[12:47] Oso**
What the hell did you make Mr. Flag do?
**[12:50] Iyami**
You worthless piece of crap! Not only
was me not blessed, but now me is broke!
**[12:54] Oso**
Stop that!
**[12:56] Iyami**
Don't take the alcohol!
**[12:59] Iyami**
Me was saving that last little bit!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka City Hall
***SIGN*** General Affairs
**[13:06] Guy**
What brings you here today?
**[13:08] Iyami**
You should make us this
city's image characters.
**[13:11] Guy**
Huh?
**[13:12] Iyami**
You can hire us right now for a mere one million.
**[13:15] Iyam**
Lucky you.
**[13:16] Guy**
Uh, who are you?
**[13:18] Iyami**
A-Are you saying you don't know me?
**[13:20] Guy**
Not at all.
**[13:22] Iyami**
You clearly don't know anything.
**[13:25] Iyami**
Consider yourself lucky. Dayon, do the thing.
**[13:30] Dayon**
Dayon!
**[13:35] Iyami**
And now, the perfect gag to do when
you've been surprised like this...
**[13:39] Iyami**
Yes!
**[13:40] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[13:43] Iyami**
This gag has been mimicked by
Ou, Nagashima, the Beatles,
**[13:45] Iyami**
Godzilla, and even Tanaka Kunie!
It's renowned nationwide!
**[13:54] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:00] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[14:11] Dayon**
Yuck! Iyami, your sock smells gross!
**[14:12] Dayon**
That reeks!
**[14:17] Guy**
What kind of image do you
want our city to have?!
**[14:23] Iyami**
M-Me is so hungry... Me feels sick...
**[14:33] Chibi**
Whoops. What a waste, idjit, damn it!
**[14:37] Chii**
You want it?
**[14:39] Chibi**
Oh, fine. It's yours, damn it.
**[14:41] Iyami**
Hold it!
**[14:44] Chibi**
Iyami?
**[14:48] Chibi**
Hey, cut it out. It's just an
egg that fell on the ground.
**[14:51] Iyami**
It's mine!
**[14:57] Chibi**
What the hell is this battle?
**[14:58] Chibi**
Well, I guess the oden I make is just that good.
**[15:07] Chibi**
Guess I don't have a choice.
I'll make you a new ba—
**[15:11] Chibi**
What?!
**[15:16] Iyami**
Me wins!
**[15:19] Iyami**
Down the hatch!
**[15:31] Chibi**
That's a rock!
**[15:35] Iyami**
My tooth... My tooth... My tooth!
**[15:41] Iyami**
Wh-What did me...
**[15:46] Chibi**
A man who's lost his pride is done for.
**[16:02] Deka**
No need to worry. I'll stick it right back on.
***SIGN*** Hope
**[16:06] Iyami**
Me has nothing left... No house, money, luck...
**[16:11] Iyami**
Me is finished.
**[16:15] Deka**
Th-This is...
**[16:21] Deka**
There's no doubt about it...
**[16:23] Deka**
Iyami's tooth... is a rare metal!
**[16:27] Iyami**
Rare metal...
**[16:30] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:32] Iyami**
Me still had my teeth!
**[16:35] Guy**
Professor, you've discovered a new
rare metal. How much is it worth?
**[16:39] Deka**
I'd say about ten billion.
**[16:42] Deka**
Because this is both lithium and vanadium,
**[16:45] Deka**
and it has all the elements that
make it a perfect rare metal.
**[16:50] Deka**
It can be used for LEDs,
**[16:53] Deka**
IPS cells...
**[16:55] Deka**
and even Chinese herbal medicine.
**[16:57] Deka**
That is the rare metal that Iyami
produced, which we have named...
**[17:01] Deka**
Iyametal.
***SIGN*** Iyametal
**[17:06] Guy**
Hey, you've gotten a little faster.
**[17:08] Son**
Really?!
**[17:09] Guy**
You've got talent, Takashi.
**[17:11] Son**
Really?!
**[17:14] Guy**
Iyami-san!
**[17:14] Guy**
Look this way, Iyami-san!
**[17:17] Iyami**
If you want to see my Iyametal,
it'll cost you 300 yen each.
**[17:22] Guy**
Huh? But we can already see it.
**[17:24] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Discovery of the Century!!
***SIGN*** Iyametal Will Change the World
***SIGN*** Shocking Iyametal
**[17:30] [Messenger] Grey**
Iyametal Phones Get Great Reception!
**[17:34] [Messenger] Red**
Iyametal Drivers!!! The Balls Fly Far!!!
**[17:38] [Messenger] Yellow**
Iyametal Energy Drink!!! Live a Longer Life!
**[17:41] Tetsu**
Hello, everyone. Today's guest is the
currently very popular Iyami-san.
**[17:46] Tetsu**
May I touch your teeth?
**[17:50] Tetsu**
I don't really get it.
**[17:51] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:52] Tetsu**
I see.
***SIGN*** Look at Me
***SIGN*** Iyami
***SIGN*** I Love You
***SIGN*** I Love You
***SIGN*** Those who buy 10 CDs may participate in the teeth-and-greet.
**[17:57] Iyami**
Me has gone beyond my old status.
***SIGN*** Best Sheanist
**[18:03] Guy**
Iyami-sama, we have bought
up all of the boxed sake.
**[18:06] Iyami**
And don't forget the stew.
**[18:08] Guy**
As you wish.
**[18:10] Oso**
Wow, Iyami. Hey, give me some of your stew.
**[18:14] Iya**
Call me Iyami-sama, and speak
properly when addressing me.
**[18:17] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:18] Chibi**
Iyami, buy up my oden, too.
**[18:20] Iyami**
Oden? That sounds terrible.
**[18:23] Chibi**
What'd you just say, damn it?!
**[18:24] Dayon**
You should put me on TV as your friend.
**[18:27] Iyami**
You're not my friend, so nope.
**[18:29] Dayon**
You're so mean!
**[18:34] Iyami**
I've got my eyes on the world now!
**[18:41] Guy**
Iyami-sama.
**[18:42] Iyami**
Me is eating right now.
**[18:44] Guy**
You have a message from
the President of France.
**[18:47] Iyami**
President of France?
**[18:48] Guy**
He says if you provide France with Iyametal,
he'll grant you permanent residence.
**[18:54] Iyami**
Eh? What?!
**[18:57] Guy**
What would you like to do?
**[18:58] Iyami**
O-Of course that's okay!
**[19:00] Guy**
Very well. I shall tell the President that
you will be heading to France tomorrow.
**[19:04] Iyami**
*Th-The time has finally come.*
**[19:07] Iyami**
* It's been so long... I've used*
* up so much of my teeth...*
**[19:12] Iyami**
*I only have one left.*
**[19:14] Iyami**
But as long as I have this, I can go
to France... No, I can live there!
**[19:19] Son**
Here I go, Dad!
**[19:21] Dad**
All right. Show me what all
that practice has done for you.
**[19:58] Iyai**
Feeeh!
**[20:00] Iyami**
My chance to live in France forever!
**[20:03] Iymi**
M-Me has to hide this!
**[20:07] Iymi**
This'll never work!
**[20:10] Iyami**
This won't work, either!
**[20:13] Iyami**
Not this, either!
***SIGN*** Charles de Gaulle Airport
**[20:32] Prez**
Monsieur Iyami.
**[20:36] Prez**
Please show me your teeth. Je t'aime.
**[20:40] Iyami**
Er, well... Me sort of has a cold...
**[20:42] Rez**
Je t'aime!
**[20:45] Guy**
Hey, that's not Iyametal!
They're just wooden blocks!
**[20:53] Prez**
Je t'aime!
**[20:58] Iyami**
President! Th-There's a reason for this...
**[21:04] Iyami**
Feeeh!
***SIGN*** Iyametal Supplies Depleted
***SIGN*** Mankind's Dreams Vanish
***SIGN*** Con Artist Iyami
**[21:17] Oso**
Iyami.
**[21:20] Hata**
Iyami, I went on another hundred-time
shrine pilgrimage for you, jo.
**[21:24] Hata**
So something good should happen, jo.
**[21:27] Iyami**
Shut up!
**[21:28] Oso**
Hey, that wasn't necessary!
**[21:32] Iyami**
That hurt! How dare you do that to me
when me just came back from France...
**[21:37] Iyami**
M-My teeth grew back! Me has teeth!
**[21:40] Oso**
Oh, I get it!
**[21:42] Oso**
Your teeth grow out when you're hit on the head.
**[21:44] Oso**
Basically it's like a carpenter's plane.
**[21:47] Iyami**
Sheeeh! I had no idea!
**[21:51] Oso**
Well, let's go.
**[21:53] Iyami**
Huh?
**[21:55] Oso**
Come on.
**[22:04] Oso**
Now we can sell all we want, Mr. Flag.
**[22:07] Hata**
I'll make even more money, jo!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu and the Five Demons" "Going North"
**[23:45] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:46] Todo**
This is what you can expect
from the next "Osomatsu-san."
# E7 - Todomatsu and the Five Demons / Four / Going North
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6MGP3746/todomatsu-and-the-five-demons--four--going-north)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[00:05] Aida**
Welcome!
**[00:07] Todo**
Out of 1,068 yen,
**[00:12] Todo**
your change is 300 yen. Thank you very much.
**[00:15] Todo**
Please wait underneath the
red matsu on the right.
**[00:19] Todo**
Thank you for waiting.
I'll be happy to take your order.
**[00:23] Person**
Uh, could I get this?
**[00:31] Todo**
Thank you very much.
**[00:35] Aida**
It finally calmed down.
**[00:37] Aida**
Are you getting used to working here?
**[00:39] Todo**
Yeah, gradually.
**[00:41] Aida**
I see.
**[00:42] Sachi**
Oh, yeah. Are you free next Sunday?
**[00:47] Todo**
* I-It finally happened! They're asking*
* me about my weekend plans!*
**[00:51] Todo**
S-Sunday? Why do you ask?
**[00:54] Sachi**
There's going to be a mixer,
but there aren't enough guys going.
**[00:59] Sachi**
Do you think you could come?
**[01:02] Sachi**
A-Are you okay?
**[01:03] Todo**
Yeah.
**[01:05] Todo**
*B-B—*
**[01:06] Todo**
*Bingo!*
**[01:10] Aida**
There's just gotta be someone who'll come.
**[01:12] Todo**
Oh, I don't mind going.
**[01:14] Aida**
Huh?
**[01:16] Aida**
But last week you said you
were busy with a report.
**[01:20] Todo**
That's already done, so it's fine.
**[01:22] Aida**
Really? Then you'll come?
**[01:27] Todo**
Well, if I feel like it.
**[01:30] Todo**
I'm going on my break.
**[01:36] Todo**
*All right!*
**[01:38] Todo**
*Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!*
**[01:41] Todo**
*I did it! I finally made it this far!*
**[01:44] Todo**
* After grueling weeks since*
* starting this part-time job,*
**[01:47] Todo**
* I've finally reached the status of being*
* asked to a mixer by my girl co-workers!*
**[01:52] Todo**
* I'm no longer a NEET, or at the*
* very bottom of the caste system*
***SIGN*** IRL Ideal
**[01:54] Todo**
*compared to rest of my generation!*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
**[01:56] Todo**
*I've gone up one rank as a human!*
**[02:02] Manager**
Matsuno-kun?
**[02:04] Todo**
*At that moment, that's what I really thought.*
**[02:09] Todo**
*I'm such a fool.*
**[02:10] Todo**
*I was so happy that I forgot about my fate.*
**[02:18] Todo**
*The shackles of Hell*
**[02:22] Todo**
*that I can never escape from...*
**[02:28] Todo**
*The existence of these demons.*
**[02:32] Oso**
Well, wouldya lookie here.
**[02:34] Oso**
I think dis here is one o' dem
high-class establishments.
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[04:10] Todo**
Please! Go home!
**[04:12] Choro**
Er, what's the problem? I don't
have a clue what's going on here.
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[04:17] Choro**
Wait, you're working here, Todomatsu?
**[04:20] Todo**
It doesn't matter, just go home! Please go home!
**[04:22] Choro**
Hey, stop! What's gotten into you?!
**[04:24] Todo**
Please!
**[04:25] Oso**
What? We're not allowed to go in?
**[04:28] Todo**
No.
**[04:29] Oso**
Why?
**[04:33] Todo**
Fine. I'll tell you the truth.
**[04:38] Todo**
I'm embarrassed by you guys.
**[04:42] Todo**
Look around you. This is Sutabaa.
**[04:44] Todo**
You're as different as chalk and
cheese to these celestial beings!
**[04:47] Todo**
No... More like as different as angels and crap.
**[04:50] Todo**
I finally obtained some status by working here.
**[04:53] Todo**
If they find out I have crap for
brothers, it will all be for nothing.
**[04:57] Todo**
Sorry...
**[04:58] Todo**
I really didn't want to say that.
**[05:00] Choro**
Then don't! We almost died!
**[05:04] Oso**
W-Well, I can't say that I don't understand...
**[05:07] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:08] Oso**
You know, it's like when your
mom comes to class observation,
**[05:11] Oso**
and she's the only one who's totally out of place.
**[05:14] Todo**
No, not quite.
**[05:16] Todo**
It's more like when the principal
**[05:18] Todo**
waves around your stained underwear
in front of a school assembly.
**[05:21] Choro**
What the hell do you think we are?!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Let's go home. I've had enough.
**[05:27] Jyu**
Aww, but we just got here.
**[05:29] Todo**
Have some coupons. You can use them at
the store in front of the station, too.
**[05:32] Choro**
Who needs those?!
**[05:33] Sachi**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[05:35] Aida**
Are these your friends?
**[05:36] Todo**
No, um, uh... They're, y-you know...
**[05:39] Sachi**
Huh?
**[05:43] Both**
What?!
**[05:45] Aida**
You're sextuplets?!
**[05:47] Sachi**
That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
**[05:49] Oso**
I-Is it that uncommon?
Want to take a picture with us?
**[05:53] Both**
No thanks!
**[05:57] Choro**
*W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.*
**[06:01] Choro**
* Their bodies are glowing with*
* the light called confidence.*
**[06:06] Choro**
*And then there's him...*
**[06:08] Choro**
*Look at those eyes!*
**[06:09] Aida**
Wow, I'm so surprised!
**[06:11] Sachi**
Jeez, why didn't you tell us?
**[06:15] Todo**
Sorry. I was sure I'd already told you guys.
**[06:18] Oso**
So, hey, hey, hey...
**[06:18] Choro**
* There are two of him... There are*
* two personalities inside him!*
**[06:19] Sachi**
Oh, Osomatsu-san, was it?
**[06:22] Sachi**
I was wondering, what do you do for work?
**[06:28] Odo**
U-Um, you two have a break
coming up, don't you?
**[06:31] Sachi**
Oh, you're right. Well, enjoy your stay.
**[06:40] Todo**
I'll take your order. Hurry up and
order, drink, and get out of here.
**[06:46] Todo**
You're being a nuisance
to the other customers.
**[06:49] Choro**
*Wh-Why, you...*
**[06:50] Jyu**
Let's see...
**[06:53] Jyu**
Do you have beef bowls?
**[06:54] Todo**
No!
**[06:55] Oso**
I want takoyaki.
**[06:56] Choro**
A frankfurter.
**[06:57] Ichi**
Soft serve.
**[06:58] Todo**
Do you think this is a rest stop?!
**[07:00] Oso**
What about you, Karamatsu?
**[07:02] Kara**
I'd like a tall latte.
Make it a doppio on the espre—
**[07:06] Choro**
Why?! He's the only one who ordered properly!
**[07:15] Choro**
Wait. Why'd we get this table?
**[07:18] Choro**
There are plenty of others open.
**[07:22] Choro**
That dried-up monster...
He's totally trying to cut us off.
**[07:26] Oso**
When did he start working so hard?
**[07:29] Oso**
To think that there's such a gap between us...
**[07:31] Jyu**
So sweet! Have a bite, Nii-san.
**[07:34] Ichi**
Sweet! I ain't never had a
Western confectionery like this.
**[07:37] Jyu**
It ain't "Western confectionery."
They're called sweets nowadays!
**[07:39] Ichi**
S-S-Sweets!
**[07:41] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[07:41] Choro**
Uh, what are you guys doing?
**[07:43] Ichi**
For real?
**[07:43] Aida**
Hey, what are you doing over here?
**[07:45] Todo**
What happened?! Was there a
cockroach in the bathroom?!
**[07:57] Jyu**
Th-The city's a scary place!
**[07:59] Ichi**
We're gon' die.
**[08:00] Choro**
That's enough of that!
**[08:03] Sachi**
Oh, hey. About the mixer we
were talking about earlier...
**[08:07] Five**
*M-Mixer?!*
**[08:09] Sachi**
Totty, do you think you
could invite some friends?
**[08:11] Five**
*Totty?!*
**[08:13] Sachi**
Ask around at your university.
**[08:14] Five**
*University?!*
**[08:17] Todo**
Um, I'll talk to you guys about that later.
**[08:19] Aida**
Totty, you go to Keio, right?
**[08:22] Sachi**
Get some good people to come.
We'll be looking forward to it.
**[08:24] Todo**
Yeah, okay...
**[08:35] Todo**
Sirs?! You're spilling, sirs!
**[08:38] Todo**
What's wrong with you, sirs?!
**[08:40] Choro**
Whoops, my hand slipped.
**[08:41] Todo**
Hot!
**[08:46] Todo**
What the hell are you trying to do?!
**[08:50] Manager**
A-Are you okay, Matsuno-kun?!
**[08:52] Todo**
I'm fine.
**[08:53] Jyu**
Way to go, Totty!
**[08:54] Mana**
Should I call the cops?
**[08:56] Todo**
No. Leave this to me.
**[08:57] Jyu**
Totty!
**[08:58] Oso**
We're sorry, Totty.
**[09:01] Kara**
We just don't belong at a place like this.
**[09:05] Choro**
I mean, we're just stained underwear.
**[09:07] Todo**
*Wh-What the hell are these creatures?*
**[09:08] Jyu**
Totty!
**[09:09] Todo**
I-I'm really sorry. Please forgive me.
**[09:12] Oso**
Huh? Sorry for what?
**[09:15] Kara**
For treating us like vermin?
**[09:18] Choro**
Or for lying about being
surrounded by Keio students?
**[09:24] Oso**
So what's this mixer about?
**[09:27] Jyu**
Totty!
**[09:27] Kara**
What is it?
**[09:28] Choro**
What's your handwriting look like?
**[09:46] Oso**
Hey!
**[09:47] Ichi**
Hey!
**[09:50] ---**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Open
***SIGN*** Pub
***SIGN*** Draft Beer
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[09:57] Oso**
All right! Yeah!
**[09:59] Choro**
What the hell is that dance?
**[10:02] Aida**
That wasn't what I imagined at all.
**[10:03] Sachi**
What was even going on?
**[10:05] Oso**
Man, I laughed my ass off.
**[10:09] Kara**
That was awesome.
**[10:10] Choro**
You worked really hard.
**[10:12] Ichi**
Impressive.
**[10:13] Jyu**
That was so much fun!
**[10:16] Oso**
Thanks for everything today...
**[10:19] Five**
Totty!
**[10:25] Ichi**
Welcome back.
**[10:27] Todo**
Th-Thanks...
***SIGN*** "Four"
**[10:33] Oso**
Crap...
**[10:34] Oso**
This really isn't good.
**[10:35] Kara**
How did it come to this?
**[10:36] Choro**
How do we solve this?
**[10:37] Ichi**
We're finished.
**[10:39] Todo**
Wait, what are we going to do?
**[10:41] Oso**
Why are there four?!
**[10:42] Choro**
How do we split this?
**[10:45] Choro**
* This number has always brought*
* misfortune to us sextuplets.*
***SIGN*** The Sharing Situation Between Sextuplets
That Even An Only Child Can Understand
**[10:48] Choro**
* With one or two, there aren't enough anyway,*
* so we could just do rock-paper-scissors.*
**[10:52] Choro**
*If there are five, though,*
**[10:53] Choro**
* the odds of losing are lower,*
* so it's rock-paper-scissors again.*
**[10:56] Choro**
* If there are three, it's peaceful.*
* We just split them in half and make them six.*
**[11:00] Choro**
*But the reality we are facing today is...*
**[11:03] Six**
Four!
**[11:04] Oso**
The number that's our mortal
enemy... The devil's number!
**[11:06] Kara**
I sense a war coming...
**[11:07] ---**
We're finished.
**[11:08] Jyu**
What are we going to do?
**[11:09] Todo**
Who even brought us this many? Was it Mom?
**[11:11] Choro**
Hey, what good would it do to
find out why there are four?
**[11:14] Choro**
Even if we find that out,
we're still left with four,
**[11:16] Choro**
you fool!
**[11:20] Todo**
Sorry...
**[11:21] Choro**
No, I'm sorry...
**[11:23] Kara**
It's no use... I'm so sleepy.
**[11:24] Oso**
Hey, don't fall asleep! If you do,
they're gonna be eaten!
**[11:26] Oso**
By me!
**[11:27] Jyu**
Me, too...
**[11:28] Oso**
They're seriously going to be eaten!
**[11:29] Oso**
By me!
**[11:30] Choro**
It can't be helped... We've been
glaring at each other for 36 hours.
**[11:36] Ichi**
We're finished.
**[11:39] Oso**
I guess we're just gonna have
to resort to using force!
**[11:41] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[11:43] Todo**
Guess we have no choice.
**[11:44] Choro**
Totty!
**[11:46] Kara**
What a shame.
**[11:46] Choro**
Who?!
**[11:47] Jyu**
Come at me, bro!
**[11:48] Choro**
Who are you?!
**[11:49] Ichi**
I'm going to end this.
**[11:50] Choro**
Seriously, who are you?!
**[11:52] Choro**
No, wait...
**[11:55] Choro**
Wait!
**[11:57] Choro**
Calm down, you guys! We can't have
anyone die over Imagawayaki!
**[12:01] Choro**
It sucks, but let's give one to either Mom or Dad,
**[12:04] Choro**
and then split the other three evenly.
**[12:07] Choro**
Okay?
**[12:13] Oso**
We can finally eat!
**[12:14] Jyu**
Smells so good! Smells so good!
**[12:16] Ichi**
Make sure you split them evenly.
**[12:17] Kara**
Equally.
**[12:18] Choro**
I know, I know.
**[12:20] Oso**
Well, I'll be taking the biggest
piece since I'm the eldest.
**[12:23] Todo**
What? No fair!
**[12:25] Choro**
Hey...
**[12:27] Choro**
Hey!
**[12:28] Oso**
What's up?
**[12:29] Choro**
Look at this...
**[12:33] Choro**
One of them... has cream filling.
**[12:37] Six**
That's mine!
***SIGN*** End
**[12:40] Six**
Give it!
***SIGN*** Going North
***SIGN*** America
***SIGN*** America
***SIGN*** Here
***SIGN*** Welcome to Akatsuka Village, Chiba
***SIGN*** This is Yellowknife
**[19:53] Person**
Hey, fella!
**[19:55] Person**
Did ya come here to see the aurora borealis?
**[19:58] Person**
It's gonna snow fer a while,
so I dun' think there's gon' be one.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Dayon Counseling Room
**[22:10] Nar**
*The Dayon Counseling Room.*
**[22:13] Nar**
* This is a secret counseling room where*
* the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"*
**[22:17] Nar**
*express how they really feel.*
**[22:21] Oso**
Pardon me.
**[22:24] Oso**
Hey. There we go.
***SIGN*** This Week's Client
Osomatsu
**[22:29] Oso**
Man, we're finally on episode seven.
Thanks for all your hard work.
**[22:34] Oso**
Must be hard, week after week.
**[22:36] Oso**
Not to mention, what the heck?
Were you just in Canada?
**[22:39] Oso**
You know you can say no, right?
You're gonna wear yourself out.
**[22:43] Oso**
So, I'm just gonna jump right into it,
and have you hear me out.
**[22:47] Oso**
So... You know our anime
came back in October, right?
**[22:51] Oso**
And we keep getting referred
to as a gag anime, but...
**[22:54] Oso**
Seriously, could you not?
**[22:56] Oso**
It's too violent.
**[22:58] Oso**
Why would you call it a gag anime?
That raises the bar to a hellish degree.
**[23:01] Oso**
It means, "All right, do something funny,"
and, "Please get some laughs," right?
**[23:06] Oso**
I feel like I could die from the pressure.
**[23:09] Oso**
So I thought of something.
Why not call it this instead?
***SIGN*** Anime at One's Own Responsibility
**[23:14] Oso**
Anime at one's own responsibility.
**[23:16] Oso**
A new genre of anime where
**[23:18] Oso**
whether it's funny or not is
the viewer's own responsibility.
**[23:21] Oso**
That means if we mess up,
it won't be on us... Huh?
**[23:26] Oso**
I want out!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Oso**
He mixes this complicated
modern society with a soft spoon,
**[23:38] Oso**
then he takes a bunch of
mysteries and questions and
**[23:40] Oso**
acts like they never happened!
**[23:41] Oso**
That's the kind of guy who's coming!
**[23:43] Oso**
On that note, the next Osomatsu-san will be
"The Calming Osomatsu" and "Totoko's Dream."
***SIGN*** "The Calming Osomatsu" "Totoko's Dream"
# E8 - The Calming Osomatsu / Totoko's Dream
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G63VMEQVY/the-calming-osomatsu--totokos-dream)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "The Calming Osomatsu"
**[02:21] Todo**
*Murder.*
**[02:22] Todo**
*It is one of the most heinous
crimes in the world.*
**[02:26] Todo**
* We police must solve these*
* cases, no matter what...*
***SIGN*** Mas—
**[02:30] Todo**
* No matter the method, and no*
* matter what we must sacrifice.*
**[02:37] Todo**
Any new clues? Are you even
serious about catching this guy?
**[02:41] Jyu**
Hey, you don't have to say it like that.
We're doing our best here.
**[02:45] Todo**
Then hurry up and find something.
Results are everything here.
**[02:49] Jyu**
Wha—
**[02:49] Person**
Hey.
**[02:50] Jyu**
But Ken-san!
**[02:51] Todo**
* That's what I believed,*
* and I didn't think twice about it.*
**[02:54] Todo**
*Until I met him...*
**[02:56] Choro**
Assistant Inspector Todomatsu.
**[02:57] Todo**
Inspector.
**[02:58] Choro**
What's the situation?
**[02:59] Todo**
The victim is Matsuno Karamatsu.
**[03:01] Todo**
He died after being stabbed in
the back. There are no witnesses.
**[03:06] Todo**
This is the murder weapon.
**[03:08] Choro**
There aren't enough clues.
Where could the suspect have gone?
***SIGN*** Murder Weapon
**[03:13] Choro**
My gut feeling as an inspector tells me that this
**[03:17] Choro**
might end up being a cold case.
**[03:20] Todo**
No...
**[03:24] Choro**
If only he were here right now.
**[03:27] Todo**
He?
**[03:29] Choro**
Never mind. Let's get back to the scene.
**[03:32] Choro**
Search everything!
**[03:33] Todo**
Yes, sir.
**[03:49] Oso**
Ow... Man, those crows were in the way.
**[03:52] Todo**
Wh-What are you doing?! Who the heck are you?
**[03:56] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[03:57] Oso**
Ah, Choro-san.
**[03:59] Todo**
Wha? Do you know him, Inspector?
**[04:01] Choro**
So you came. Feel free to do what you need to.
**[04:05] Oso**
Okay.
**[04:06] Todo**
Wh-Who is he?
**[04:09] Choro**
Now that he's here, we have
nothing to worry about.
**[04:11] Choro**
He is our greatest ally,
the Calming Detective Osomatsu-kun!
**[04:16] Todo**
Calming Detective? Huh?
**[04:20] Choro**
Yes. He has been a part of over two
thousand murder investigations.
**[04:23] Todo**
That many?!
**[04:24] Choro**
And not a single one of them has been solved.
**[04:27] Todo**
What?!
**[04:28] Choro**
His sole purpose is
**[04:30] Choro**
to bring a calm atmosphere to the police
after we get all irritated about
**[04:35] Choro**
being unable to solve the mystery
or trick at a crime scene.
**[04:39] Todo**
So he's completely useless, right?!
**[04:41] Choro**
Watch carefully. Everyone'll calm down.
**[04:43] Todo**
Seriously, calm down?
**[04:46] Oso**
Hey, whatcha doin'? Can I do it, too?
**[04:50] Oso**
Huh?
**[04:53] Jyu**
Nothing's coming to light.
**[04:55] Person**
We have to hurry up.
**[04:56] Oso**
Don't ignore me. Come on.
**[04:59] Jyu**
What? We're busy right n—
**[05:04] Person**
The personal effects!
**[05:06] Oso**
What are you doing, you klutz?
**[05:08] Jyu**
That was totally your fault!
**[05:09] Person**
Hey! You're stepping on it!
***SIGN*** Mas—
**[05:11] Person**
You're stepping on the dying message!
**[05:13] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:18] Person**
What are you doing?!
**[05:20] Oso**
You'd never figure it out anyway.
**[05:22] Jyu**
That was an valuable evidence!
**[05:23] Oso**
Then did you know what it meant?
Can you decipher his dying message?
**[05:26] Jyu**
No, I don't think so, but...
**[05:28] Oso**
See? Then it doesn't matter if it's there or not.
**[05:30] Jyu**
I see... Wait, no I don't!
**[05:33] Oso**
3:03 PM: "delayed reaction" retort.
**[05:36] Jyu**
Wh-Why are you writing that?!
**[05:37] Oso**
Just kidding! I didn't write anything!
**[05:41] Jyu**
Oh, man, you got me. Wait, no!
**[05:43] Jyu**
Seriously, what do you want?
You're such a nuisance.
**[05:55] Choro**
See? We calmed down.
**[05:56] Todo**
So what if we did?! We just
lost valuable evidence!
**[06:00] Choro**
He'll sacrifice evidence
to create this atmosphere.
**[06:02] Todo**
He's completely useless!
**[06:04] Oso**
Hey, Detective! Detective!
**[06:06] Choro**
It's Inspector, Osomatsu-kun.
**[06:07] Choro**
You're embarrassing me, calling me Detective.
**[06:10] Oso**
Detective.
**[06:11] Todo**
Are you even listening?
**[06:12] Oso**
You see, I already figured it out.
**[06:15] Choro**
Huh?
**[06:16] Oso**
I figured out the mystery.
**[06:17] Choro**
What?!
**[06:18] Todo**
You're lying! You don't even have any clues!
**[06:21] Todo**
How could you—
**[06:22] Oso**
The culprit in this case is...
**[06:33] Oso**
The culprit is somewhere in this world!
**[06:40] Choro**
The whole world...
**[06:42] Choro**
That's a pretty big search area.
**[06:44] Jyu**
You didn't narrow it down at all!
**[06:50] Odo**
What? What?!
**[06:51] Choro**
See, Todomatsu? Doesn't the
tension before feel like a lie?
**[06:56] Choro**
The mood at the scene is much nicer.
***SIGN*** Murder Weapon
**[06:59] Choro**
Even the murder weapon that was so pointy
has calmed down and rounded its tip.
**[07:02] Todo**
The hell?!
**[07:03] Choro**
I'm sure the murdered Karamatsu
is also feeling calm in Heaven.
**[07:07] Todo**
What the hell are you talking about?
**[07:09] Todo**
Is there seriously any point in him being here?
**[07:11] Todo**
The investigation's going nowhere!
**[07:15] Oso**
That was...
**[07:16] Choro**
Could the suspect still be in this mansion?!
**[07:20] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:22] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:25] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:28] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:30] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:32] Choro**
I said, Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:33] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:35] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun! Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:37] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:39] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:40] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:41] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:43] Choro**
Osomatsu-kun!
**[07:48] Choro**
Osomatsu—
**[07:49] Choro**
What, you're just going to the bathroom?!
**[07:53] Choro**
Jeez. If you were just going to the
bathroom, you should've said so.
**[07:59] Choro**
Man, he really is so calming.
**[08:02] Todo**
Huh?!
**[08:04] Oso**
Damn... Didn't make it in time.
**[08:07] Todo**
No, we didn't get here fast enough
because everyone was too calm.
**[08:10] Oso**
It'll be embarrassing if I have
to look like this all day.
**[08:13] Todo**
You didn't make it to the bathroom?!
Why don't you leave already?!
**[08:16] Choro**
But now we've gotten one step
closer to solving this case.
**[08:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[08:20] Choro**
Haven't you realized it? A murder just
took place right here, right now.
**[08:24] Choro**
But the mansion has been secured.
**[08:26] Choro**
Which means the suspect
is still in this building.
**[08:32] Oso**
I see... I've got it!
**[08:33] Choro**
Really, Osomatsu-kun?
**[08:35] Oso**
I solved the mystery!
**[08:37] Todo**
That sounds like a lie.
**[08:38] Oso**
Listen carefully. The murder took
place right here, right now,
**[08:43] Oso**
and the mansion is secure.
**[08:46] Oso**
Which means the suspect is...
**[09:10] Todo**
Seriously, that's enough!
**[09:12] Oso**
The suspect is somewhere inside this mansion!
**[09:19] Todo**
The inspector just said that!
**[09:21] Todo**
Seriously, what's with you?!
**[09:23] Todo**
You're no detective, you're just an idiot!
**[09:33] Todo**
Jeez...
**[09:37] Choro**
What's the matter, Todomatsu?
Did I just hear you laugh?
**[09:40] Choro**
Are you feeling calm?
**[09:42] Todo**
* Th-This feeling... I'm not irritated*
* at all about another murder happening.*
**[09:47] Todo**
*Actually, I'm feeling extremely at ease.*
**[09:51] Choro**
That's the power of the Calming Detective.
**[09:55] Todo**
Calming Detective...
**[09:57] Choro**
All right, Todomatsu.
Let's go for the complete calm.
**[10:01] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:03] Todo**
Oh... R-Right.
**[10:07] Oso**
So basically, this was right here...
**[10:10] Oso**
The suspect went like this, and that,
and this, and stabbed right here.
**[10:16] Oso**
Ah.
**[10:18] Todo**
Hey, come on! You can't actually stab him!
**[10:24] Choro**
That's it.
**[10:27] Oso**
Please, answer me! Hey! Hey!
**[10:32] Oso**
That's it! Tell me before you die!
**[10:36] Oso**
Wait, what was I asking?
**[10:40] Choro**
Good.
**[10:44] Todo**
Well?
**[10:45] Todo**
Have you figured anything out?
**[10:49] Oso**
Hey! Phimosis!
**[10:51] Todo**
What are you investigating?
**[10:55] Choro**
There you have it.
**[11:03] Choro**
Okay.
**[11:08] Choro**
Nice.
**[11:15] Choro**
Yes.
**[11:23] Choro**
Well done!
**[11:26] Choro**
That's it! Good!
***SIGN*** Sheeeh
**[11:30] Choro**
How wonderful!
**[11:32] Choro**
Things are definitely calming down.
**[11:34] Choro**
It doesn't even feel like a
murder happened here anymore.
**[11:38] Choro**
The mood is absolutely fantastic.
**[11:41] Oso**
Hey, can I introduce you to someone?
**[11:43] Todo**
Sure.
**[11:44] Oso**
This is the killer.
**[11:46] Todo**
Seriously?!
**[11:47] Oso**
He was hiding, but he felt
really calm, so he came out.
**[11:51] Jyu**
What an idiot.
**[11:56] Todo**
Atone for your crimes, okay?
**[11:59] Todo**
Bye-bye!
**[12:01] Choro**
Man, Todomatsu.
**[12:03] Choro**
This paella is great. Did you try some?
**[12:06] Todo**
Inspector...
**[12:08] Todo**
I never thought everything
would actually be solved.
**[12:12] Todo**
And I learned something.
**[12:15] Todo**
You shouldn't be all irritated while you work.
Just take it as it comes.
**[12:20] Choro**
Yes. If you take everything seriously,
you'll only make a fool of yourself.
**[12:26] Choro**
The Calming Detective Osomatsu...
**[12:29] Choro**
He has a debt of five million and is
getting an allowance from his family.
**[12:33] Todo**
I see.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Dream"
***SIGN*** Fishhhh I'll do my best
***SIGN*** 6th Yowai Totoko Solo Live
***SIGN*** Fish Idol
**[12:45] Totoko**
*Don't tear off my scales, my heart is full*
**[12:50] Six**
One serving of squid!
**[12:51] Toto**
*Love is an illusion*
**[12:53] Six**
Fish dried overnight!
**[12:54] Toto**
*All people breathe through gills!*
**[12:57] Six**
Glub, glub, glub! Yay!
**[12:59] Choro**
Totoko-chan! You're so cute!
**[13:01] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[13:27] Oso**
Huh?
**[13:29] Toto**
Th-There's... no way this is going to sell.
**[13:40] Iyami**
Me would have to agree with that remark...
**[13:46] Oso**
Come on, now. Don't cry, Totoko-chan.
**[13:50] Oso**
What brought this on?
**[13:51] Choro**
Seeing you cry makes us sad, too.
**[13:54] Todo**
Come on, stop crying.
**[13:55] Kara**
Don't cry—
**[14:02] Ichi**
Her famous body blow is still going strong.
**[14:04] Jyu**
So cool!
**[14:06] Totoko**
I'm gonna quit being an idol.
**[14:09] Five**
What?!
**[14:19] Oso**
W-Wait... This is all too sudden.
**[14:22] Toto**
Don't try to stop me! I'm...
**[14:25] Toto**
not confident that I can make it as a fish idol.
**[14:29] Iyami**
Me doesn't think me can make
any money off of you, either.
**[14:33] Toto**
I mean...
**[14:35] Toto**
My scales fall off when I'm singing,
**[14:37] Toto**
my dressing room stinks,
**[14:39] Toto**
and I got mistaken for a tuna when
I walked through the fish market.
**[14:41] Toto**
Fish!
**[14:43] Choro**
I see... I didn't know idols had such hardships.
**[14:46] Iyami**
They don't, usually!
**[14:47] Oso**
But it's such a waste. You're so cute!
**[14:51] Jyu**
Right? You'll definitely sell.
**[14:53] Ichi**
You should continue.
**[14:55] Toto**
Really? Then I will.
**[14:57] Iyami**
You recover way too quickly!
What was all that build-up for?
**[15:01] Toto**
But I wonder how I can get popular.
**[15:06] Iyami**
We'll just have to try the porno route.
**[15:11] Kara**
Wh-Why me?
**[15:14] Todo**
I think you're fine as you are.
**[15:16] Oso**
What do you mean, Totty?
**[15:18] Todo**
Well, you love singing, right, Totoko-chan?
**[15:21] Todo**
So if that shows in your act, your fans wi—
**[15:24] Toto**
Huh? I don't actually like singing.
**[15:27] Todo**
Huh? Oh, you don't?
**[15:29] Todo**
Then why did you want to be an idol?
**[15:31] Toto**
Isn't it obvious?
**[15:34] Toto**
I just
**[15:35] Toto**
want to be famous and have
people fawn over me!
**[15:39] Toto**
I'll up my best selfies onto SNS
**[15:41] Toto**
and have people compliment
me on how cute I am.
**[15:44] Toto**
And I want people I went to
school with to find my photos
**[15:46] Toto**
so I can show off that I'm living
a better life than they are.
**[15:50] Toto**
So I don't really care how I do it.
**[15:51] Toto**
I just need fanboys.
**[16:00] Six**
S-So cute...
**[16:03] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[16:05] Oso**
Have you ever known a girl who was that honest?
**[16:09] Choro**
Being completely honest is the cutest!
**[16:11] Todo**
I'm proud to call her a childhood friend.
**[16:13] Oso**
All right, I've made up my mind.
**[16:14] Oso**
Totoko-chan was completely honest with us.
**[16:17] Oso**
Let's do our best to make
sure she gets popular.
**[16:20] Totoko**
Really?!
**[16:21] Ichi**
What are we gonna do?
**[16:22] Oso**
First, we'll have to promote her.
**[16:24] Iyami**
Well, me will be going now...
***SIGN*** Menacing
**[16:30] Oso**
Please check this out! There'll be a concert!
**[16:32] Six**
Yowai Totoko!
***SIGN*** Dora Dora Drug
**[16:34] Six**
Please check her out!
**[16:34] Todo**
We promise it won't be a hassle!
**[16:36] Iyami**
Wait... What are they handing out?
**[16:39] Oso**
Please.
**[16:41] Iyami**
Why is it mackerel?!
**[16:42] Iyami**
That's just going to ensure no one shows up!
**[16:44] Toto**
True, mackerel might not be a good idea.
They're really quick to spoil.
**[16:49] Iyami**
What are you talking about?
***SIGN*** Handing out fish!!
Fishhhh!
***SIGN*** I'll do my best
***SIGN*** 7th Yowai Totoko Solo Live
***SIGN*** Fish Idol
**[16:53] ---**
We did it! Look at all the people here!
**[16:56] ---**
That's amazing! Thank you.
**[16:58] Guy**
I heard they're giving out fish.
**[17:01] Iyami**
This isn't an idol concert!
They're all here to get fish!
**[17:05] Toto**
All right, here I go!
**[17:07] Choro**
Yeah, do your best, Totoko-chan!
**[17:07] Five**
You can do it!
**[17:10] Toto**
Here I am, everyone!
**[17:16] Toto**
Now take this!
**[17:17] Bums**
Fish!
**[17:19] Totoko**
Take this! Take these little fish, you vermin!
**[17:26] Six**
So cute!
**[17:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:33] Toto**
They didn't come to see me!
They just came for the fish!
**[17:39] Toto**
I really am going to quit being an idol!
**[17:41] Jyu**
Hold it!
**[17:41] Toto**
Don't try to stop me.
**[17:42] Jyu**
Totoko-chan, you're really pretty, so why
not be an actress instead of an idol?
**[17:48] Toto**
I see.
***SIGN*** Matsuno Pictures
***SIGN*** The Idiot's Fishing Diary
**[17:57] Todo**
Suu-san!
**[17:58] Ichi**
What?
**[17:59] Todo**
Suu-san, there's something on the line.
**[18:04] Both**
One, two...
**[18:10] Toto**
*Flop, flop, flop, flop...*
**[18:10] Todo**
We did it, Suu-san! It's a huge one!
**[18:14] Jyu**
How about it? Rather than an
actress, you'd be a fishtress.
***SIGN*** Fishtress
**[18:17] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:21] Toto**
You're so mean, Jyushimatsu-kun.
You're making fun of my fishy character.
**[18:27] Oso**
What? Is that true, Jyushimatsu?
**[18:29] Todo**
You're making fun of her?
**[18:30] Choro**
Now, now...
**[18:31] Choro**
I think we should try to promote
Totoko-chan on a more global scale.
**[18:36] Toto**
You're right! I was thinking the exact same thing.
***SIGN*** Monday Late Night Special The Matsuno Detective Team Searches!!
**[18:44] Choro**
* We have now been wandering*
* for three days in the Amazon*
**[18:48] Choro**
*in search of the legendary creature.*
**[18:50] Choro**
*We had given up hope, until...*
**[18:53] Oso**
Hey!
**[18:54] Oso**
Look over there... That's...
**[18:56] Oso**
A fishman!
**[18:57] Toto**
Fish, fish, fish...
**[18:59] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:02] Toto**
Thank you, everyone. That one really
felt right, so I'll go with fishman.
**[19:08] Iyami**
Come on, now! You guys are
completely delusional!
**[19:13] Kara**
Listen up.
**[19:15] Kara**
After experimenting with a few things,
**[19:17] Kara**
I realized that in order to make
Totoko-chan really popular,
**[19:21] Kara**
we first have to abandon the whole fish thing.
**[19:26] Oso**
Y-You want to take fish from Totoko-chan?
**[19:29] Choro**
What are you saying, Karamatsu-niisan?!
**[19:31] Ichi**
Shut up, Shittymatsu. I'll kill you, Shittymatsu.
**[19:34] Iyami**
No, really... He brings up an excellent point.
**[19:39] Totoko**
It's okay, everyone.
**[19:42] Toto**
People breathe with their lungs,
**[19:44] Toto**
but fish breathe with their gills.
**[19:47] Toto**
That's what you're saying,
right, Karamatsu-kun?
**[19:49] Kara**
Huh? S-Sure...
**[19:52] Iyami**
That's definitely not it.
**[19:54] Totoko**
All right. I will graduate from being a fish.
**[19:59] Six**
What?!
**[20:01] Toto**
I won't rely on the potential
that fish have any longer.
**[20:09] Toto**
Just watch me, everyone. I'll get a size...
no, two sizes bigger, and come back!
**[20:24] Toto**
Wait for me, everyone.
I'll... I'll make it big.
**[20:26] Choro**
* And so Totoko-chan gave up*
* her dream to become famous*
**[20:30] Choro**
*just so people would give her attention.*
**[20:33] Choro**
*A few days later...*
**[20:38] Six**
What? What? What?
**[20:45] Choro**
*Yes, just as she said...*
**[20:53] Choro**
* She came back not one size,*
* but two sizes bigger.*
**[20:59] Six**
S-So cute!
**[21:03] Totoko**
Yay!
**[21:09] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[22:46] Kara**
Here we go.
**[22:47] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[22:49] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[22:51] Jyu**
*Aye, aye!*
**[22:52] Karra**
*Not six times...*
**[22:54] Both**
*...but one out of six*
**[22:55] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[22:57] Jyu**
*Yup!*
**[22:58] Kara**
*We don't want to think about...*
**[23:00] Both**
*...the hardship of raising us*
**[23:02] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:04] Jyu**
*Pon!*
**[23:05] Kara**
*The smell our lives give off...*
**[23:08] Both**
*...is six guys' worth*
**[23:11] Kara**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:17] Jyu**
*We were born sextuplets*
**[23:23] Both**
*We were born sextuplets!*
**[23:31] Jyu**
Nii-san!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] ---**
Karamatsu here.
**[23:36] Kara**
Next time on Osomatsu-san, we have
these two titles filled with love.
**[23:40] Kara**
"Oh My Little Oden," and "A Night at Fourteen."
***SIGN*** "Chibita and Oden" "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[23:43] Kara**
What? They're a bit different
from the titles on the screen?
**[23:47] Kara**
That's just how I read them.
Don't worry about it.
# E9 - Chibita and Oden / Jyushimatsu Falls in Love
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR2PE085R/chibita-and-oden--jyushimatsu-falls-in-love)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Hata**
Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
**[00:04] Hata**
Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, dajo, dajo.
**[00:08] Hata**
It snowed, jo!
**[00:11] Hata**
Yay, snowmen, jo!
**[00:13] Hata**
Snowman! Snowman!
**[00:17] Hata**
Jo?
**[00:23] Hata**
Wh-What the jo?
**[00:29] Oso**
Osomatsu...
**[00:30] Ichi**
...and Ichimatsu's...
**[00:31] Both**
...delivery skit!
**[00:33] Ichi**
The actually rather awkward
"The Crane Repays a Debt."
**[00:36] Hata**
Jo?
***SIGN*** Delivery Skit
***SIGN*** The Actually Rather Awkward
***SIGN*** The Crane Repays a Debt
**[00:40] Oso**
Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock.
**[00:43] Ichi**
Who might you be?
**[00:44] Oso**
I'm sorry for bothering you so late.
**[00:46] Oso**
I've lost my way because of the snow.
**[00:49] Oso**
Could you possibly let me stay for the ni—
**[00:51] Ichi**
Nope.
**[00:52] Oso**
Whoa, whoa, wait! Wait a sec.
**[00:54] Oso**
Well... I'm just gonna come out and say this.
**[00:59] Oso**
I'm the crane! You know,
the one you saved earlier today.
**[01:02] Ichi**
Oh...
**[01:04] Oso**
I've come to repay my debt.
**[01:07] Ichi**
No, that's okay.
**[01:10] Oso**
Huh?
**[01:10] Ichi**
I can't help if you just show up
out of nowhere. Bye.
**[01:13] Oso**
Wait, wait, wait...
**[01:14] Ichi**
Huh?
**[01:15] Oso**
Um... I can, like, weave, and stuff...
**[01:19] Ichi**
I told you, that's not necessary.
**[01:20] Oso**
It's not necessary?
**[01:22] Ichi**
Right.
**[01:24] Oso**
Are you sure it's not necessary?
**[01:27] Ichi**
Absolutely not necessary.
**[01:29] Oso**
Oh... Okay.
**[01:31] Ichi**
Sorry about that.
**[01:33] Oso**
N-No... I got ahead of myself.
**[01:36] Ichi**
Be careful with the snow and stuff.
**[01:39] Oso**
Okay... Goodbye.
**[01:41] Ichi**
See ya.
**[01:43] Hata**
Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
**[01:47] Hata**
Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, da—
***SIGN*** "Chibita and Oden"
**[03:22] Chibi**
My oden's the best in Japan...
**[03:25] Chibi**
The best in the world, hey, yo!
**[03:29] Chibi**
Royalty... Huh?
**[03:33] Chibi**
Karamatsu! Haven't seen you
around often, you idjit.
**[03:39] Chibi**
It's so chilly... It's gonna get
busy again tonight, damn it.
**[03:44] Chibi**
Well? Is it good?
**[03:46] Chibi**
I see, so it is good!
**[03:47] Chibi**
What? Best in the universe?
**[03:51] Chibi**
You've got pretty good taste, you idjit.
**[03:55] Chibi**
So? Did you find a job yet?
**[03:58] Kara**
Oh, that?
**[04:00] Chibi**
Huh? Did you actually...
**[04:02] Kara**
In regard to work...
**[04:05] Kara**
I have no plans.
**[04:06] Chibi**
Why'd you build that up, you idjit?
**[04:08] Chibi**
You embarrass me, man.
**[04:11] Chibi**
If you don't hurry up and find one,
you'll end up like him.
**[04:15] Iyami**
That's me's chikuwabu!
**[04:18] Chibi**
Karamatsu, what's important
is what you want to do.
**[04:22] Chibi**
Even if you find work, if it's
not right for you, it won't last.
**[04:25] Chibi**
I love oden, and that's why I can
make the best in the galaxy.
**[04:29] Chibi**
Tell me what you want to do.
Just come up with whatever.
**[04:35] Kara**
I want to... better myself.
**[04:38] Chibi**
Well, that's easy, then.
You're as low as you can get right now.
**[04:41] Chibi**
Let's see... "Wants to better self." What else?
**[04:47] Kara**
I want to... give people dreams.
**[04:50] Chibi**
Right, sure. What else?
**[04:54] Kara**
World peace.
**[04:56] Chibi**
Gross.
**[04:57] Chibi**
Let's see... World pea—
**[05:02] Chibi**
Huh?
**[05:03] Chibi**
What the hell? These tie
into each other perfectly!
**[05:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
***SIGN*** Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
**[05:08] Chibi**
You didn't have to be so secretive, Karamatsu.
**[05:10] Chibi**
I didn't know you wanted to run an oden shop!
***SIGN*** Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
**[05:14] Kara**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Oden
**[05:16] Chibi**
What the hell? If that's the case,
you should have just said so.
**[05:19] Chibi**
To think you wanted your own oden shop...
**[05:21] Chibi**
You wanted to be my apprentice, huh, you idjit?
**[05:27] Kara**
*Huh? What is this?*
**[05:29] Kara**
*This isn't good.*
**[05:30] Kara**
*I've caused some unexpected misunderst—*
**[05:32] Sign**
Oden
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[05:33] Chibi**
Don't you worry. I'll make you a pro.
**[05:36] Kara**
Uh, wai—
**[05:37] Chibi**
What? There's no one better to
be a mentor than me, you say?
**[05:40] Chibi**
You've got a good pair of eyes there.
**[05:43] Kara**
*I-It's hard to tell him now...*
**[05:46] Chibi**
As you know, oden has been called
the king of the culinary world.
**[05:50] Kara**
I've never heard that.
**[05:52] Chibi**
Its intense deliciousness has caused many wars,
**[05:55] Chibi**
and it's famous for being the
culinary world's ultimate weapon.
**[05:59] Kara**
I've never heard that.
***SIGN*** Oden
**[06:00] Chibi**
However, the times have changed,
and you can enjoy it much more easily now.
**[06:05] Chibi**
On the other hand, if you try to pour your
love into it, it's more difficult than you'd think.
**[06:09] Chibi**
It's something that's so close, yet so far.
**[06:11] Chibi**
Oden is revered as the culinary
world's childhood friend.
**[06:15] Kara**
So just what is oden actually
called in the culinary world?
**[06:19] Chibi**
Listen up, Kara-boy. Don't you dare
take oden lightly *(nametenjanee)*.
**[06:23] Chibi**
The only thing you may lick *(nameteii)*
**[06:24] Chibi**
is the beef tendon skewer.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
**[06:32] Chibi**
All right.
**[06:33] Chibi**
I'll show you the secret technique
of preparation, you idjit.
**[06:36] Kara**
Um, Chibita...
**[06:38] Chibi**
Do you know what the most important
thing is when making oden?!
**[06:41] Kara**
Chibita, listen to me—
**[06:43] Chibi**
That's right! Well done figuring it out.
**[06:45] Chibi**
It's the broth.
**[06:46] Kara**
Er, I didn't say anything...
**[06:48] Chibi**
So what's the most important
thing when making broth?
**[06:51] Chibi**
That's right! Your fighting spirit!
**[06:53] Kara**
Uh, that doesn't explain anything.
**[06:55] Chibi**
Just watch, you idjit.
**[06:57] Chibi**
You should watch and steal
your mentor's methods.
**[07:02] Chibi**
Here we go! The hell?!
**[07:04] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[07:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[07:10] Chibi**
Give it a try.
**[07:12] Kara**
There's no way I can do that.
**[07:16] Chibi**
Next... We put in the ingredients, you idjit!
**[07:19] Kara**
Chibita, you've got—
**[07:20] Chibi**
You know what's the most important here?
**[07:22] Chibi**
That's right, guts!
**[07:23] Kara**
You haven't explained anything!
**[07:25] Chibi**
Here we go!
**[07:27] Chibi**
Hi-yah!
**[07:31] Chibi**
Give it a try.
**[07:32] Kara**
"Hi-yah"? There's no way I can do that.
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[07:34] Chibi**
Next, we've got to taste it.
**[07:37] Chibi**
The tasting's hard, and the most important.
**[07:40] Chibi**
It's the last thing the cook has
**[07:42] Chibi**
to put his entire being into
before serving to the customers.
**[07:47] Chibi**
Which means...
**[07:48] Chibi**
This is how you do it, you idjit!
**[07:58] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?!
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[08:00] Chibi**
It's delicious, damn it!
**[08:08] Kara**
He's scary!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[08:14] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[08:17] Jyu**
Morning on the 4, 6, 3...
**[08:20] Jyu**
Get you!
**[08:21] Oso**
You're so hyper first thing in the morning.
**[08:31] Jyu**
Thanks for the meal, touch up!
**[08:36] Choro**
He's so noisy first thing in the morning...
**[08:37] Jyu**
1,285...
**[08:39] Jyu**
1,286, 1,287!
**[08:43] Jyu**
All right! I can still go!
**[08:46] Ichi**
I'm gonna die...
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[08:47] Jyu**
Here I go! Muscle, muscle!
**[08:49] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[08:51] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:54] Jyu**
I'm home, muscle!
**[08:56] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:59] Jyu**
Muscle, mus—
**[09:09] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized game-winning homer!
***SIGN*** Men's
**[09:18] Oso**
*This is Jyushimatsu.*
**[09:20] Oso**
* Even if his jokes utterly fail,*
* Jyushimatsu never slows down.*
**[09:24] Oso**
*But then, one day...*
**[09:30] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[09:32] Jyu**
Good morning, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[09:45] Jyu**
Thank you for the meal.
**[09:50] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu, you're not
gonna do the thing today?
**[09:53] Jyu**
Nah, I'm not gonna do that today.
**[09:55] Ichi**
Seriously? But I got all ready for it...
**[09:59] Jyu**
I'm heading out.
**[10:01] Jyu**
I'm home.
**[10:09] Jyu**
Hey, little guy.
**[10:11] Jyu**
If you do that, it might disturb the
other patrons, and it's dangerous.
**[10:14] Boy**
I'm sorry.
**[10:16] Oso**
Here.
**[10:17] Jyu**
Thanks.
**[10:26] Oso**
This is scary! What got
into him all of a sudden?!
**[10:29] Oso**
What's wrong with Jyushimatsu?
**[10:30] Ichi**
He's turned into a normal human being...
**[10:32] Choro**
He's always been human... sort of.
**[10:34] Todo**
Where's he going during the day lately?
**[10:37] Todo**
He hasn't been playing baseball, has he?
**[10:39] Kara**
True... He's been acting strange.
**[10:41] Kara**
Could it be a part-time job?
**[10:42] Todo**
Nah...
**[10:43] Kara**
Or maybe pachinko?
**[10:44] Kara**
Oh!
**[10:46] Kara**
Maybe he's not playing baseball...
but watching baseball.
**[10:50] Kara**
Bingo?
**[10:51] Kara**
You sure are talking a lot today, Shittymatsu.
**[11:05] All**
What?!
**[11:11] Jyu**
I'm heading out.
**[11:19] Ichi**
It's a date. He's gotta be going on a date today.
**[11:22] Choro**
More importantly, what are we doing?
**[11:25] Oso**
This is our mission as his brothers.
**[11:27] Oso**
Our Jyushimatsu has fallen in love.
**[11:30] Oso**
As his older brothers, we've gotta cheer him on!
**[11:32] Choro**
You're totally planning on interfering!
**[11:34] Choro**
Let's just go home!
**[11:35] Todo**
So, Shittymatsu-niisan, why are
you trying to look cool again?
**[11:39] Kara**
I'm just being normal.
**[11:40] Todo**
You're not being normal.
Show us what you're wearing.
**[11:43] Todo**
Where did you buy those? Why would you
wear those when you're not on a date?
**[11:46] Todo**
You're so embarrassing!
**[11:49] Oso**
Hey, Ichimatsu...
**[11:50] Ichi**
Huh?
**[11:51] Oso**
Could you use ESP Kitty?
**[11:53] Ichi**
Nope, not happening.
That drug wore off ages ago.
**[11:56] Oso**
No good, huh...
**[11:59] Oso**
Someone's here! Is that her?
**[12:02] Choro**
I'm kinda getting nervous, too.
**[12:05] Todo**
Uh, you have nothing to do with this.
**[12:07] Oso**
Wow... She actually looks
pretty cute in real life, too.
**[12:12] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan?! Calm down!
**[12:15] Oso**
I-It's finally happening.
**[12:17] Choro**
I wonder if he'll be okay...
**[12:18] Todo**
I hope Jyushimatsu-niisan
doesn't do anything weird.
**[12:34] Oso**
What?! What the hell is he doing?!
**[12:37] Choro**
He just did what he does
at home in front of a girl!
**[12:40] Todo**
Not to mention, it's a new gag!
The risk is too high!
**[12:48] Oso**
Sh-She laughed...
**[12:55] Oso**
She's cracking up...
**[12:58] Girl**
Please stop, Jyushimatsu-kun...
**[13:02] Girl**
Don't... P-Please stop...
**[13:05] Girl**
P-Please stop...
**[13:13] Oso**
What the hell is with her?!
**[13:15] Choro**
Well, she is the one who fell for Jyushimatsu...
**[13:18] Todo**
Yeah, she's weird.
**[13:37] Choro**
Uh, just how much does she like that gag?
**[13:41] Girl**
Green light...
**[13:42] Girl**
Red light.
**[13:45] Girl**
Green light, red light.
**[13:47] Girl**
Green light... red light.
**[13:48] Choro**
They look like they're having fun.
**[13:50] Todo**
Yeah, they look like normal,
happy people... though a bit dirty.
**[13:55] Ichi**
Hey, let's go home.
**[13:57] Todo**
Yeah. We can't get in their way.
**[13:59] Choro**
Huh? Where did Osomatsu-niisan go?
**[14:03] Oso**
Man... Talk about boring.
**[14:05] Oso**
I would be a lot more fun on a date!
**[14:08] Oso**
I can make water come out my nipples.
**[14:11] Oso**
Well, whatever. I've got
plenty of girlfriends anyway.
***SIGN*** Two Hours Later
**[14:22] Oso**
Damn it, I can't make up my mind.
**[14:25] Oso**
Which girlfriend should I go with today?
**[14:29] Oso**
Wait... Isn't this girl...
**[14:34] Jyu**
I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
**[14:37] Jyu**
Wait, why aren't you stopping?!
**[14:39] Jyu**
I said I give! I give up!
**[14:42] Choro**
Oh, welcome back. Where'd you go?
**[14:45] Oso**
Huh? Oh... You know.
**[14:47] Todo**
Listen to this.
**[14:49] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan's planning on asking
that girl out the next time he sees her.
**[14:55] Jyu**
No!
**[14:58] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[15:03] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, I have something I need to tell you.
**[15:11] Oso**
You bastard!
**[15:13] Oso**
How dare you try to get a girlfriend before me?!
**[15:21] Jyu**
I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
**[16:48] Chibi**
The hell?! You've got some nerve,
trying to get a girlfriend, damn it.
**[16:52] Todo**
Aw, man. I totally thought it'd work out.
**[16:56] Chibi**
No way. He didn't have a chance.
**[16:57] Todo**
Why's that?
**[16:58] Chibi**
Because you're all NEETs.
**[17:01] Todo**
Good point.
**[17:04] Oso**
Well, to be honest, she was
just out of mustard leaves.
**[17:07] Choro**
You mean she was "out of reach."
Mustard leaves are food.
**[17:10] Kara**
That's why you should have worn these...
**[17:12] Oso**
Hot!
**[17:13] Choro**
Ow!
**[17:16] Chibi**
What the hell are you doing, you idjits?!
**[17:18] Oso**
Why me?!
**[17:21] Oso**
Why, you...
**[17:22] Choro**
Why me?!
**[17:22] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan?!
**[17:23] Ichi**
Die.
**[17:23] Kara**
You called?
**[17:57] Todo**
Would it be okay if we asked about her?
**[18:02] Jyu**
About a month ago,
**[18:05] Jyu**
she was trying to kill herself...
**[18:16] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[18:17] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[18:19] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[18:21] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[18:24] Jyu**
One, two, three, four!
**[18:29] Jyu**
6,017! 6,018!
**[18:32] Jyu**
6,019! 6,020!
**[18:52] Girl**
Wake up...
**[18:53] Girl**
Please, wake up...
**[19:14] Jyu**
And so I saved her life.
**[19:17] Choro**
You've got that backwards, right?
She saved *you*, right?
**[19:21] Jyu**
She laughed a lot at that. She said
I was funny, and that she loved me.
**[19:29] Jyu**
But... She said we can't
see each other anymore.
**[19:37] Jyu**
She said she's going back to her
family's home on tonight's bullet train.
**[19:45] Oso**
Why don't you go see her?
You can still make it.
**[19:49] Jyu**
But she rejected m—
**[19:50] Oso**
It'll be fine! After all...
**[19:54] Oso**
It's pretty troublesome meeting someone
on the day you're gonna move.
**[20:06] Oso**
Don't.
**[20:08] Oso**
I...
**[20:09] Oso**
don't have any money today.
**[20:10] Chibi**
Huh?
**[20:33] Girl**
Jyushimatsu-kun...
**[20:36] Girl**
I...
**[20:38] Jyu**
We'll...
**[20:40] Jyu**
see each other again! Muscle, muscle!
**[20:42] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[20:57] Jyu**
Don't cry! 4, 6, 3...
**[20:59] Jyu**
Get you!
**[21:43] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized,
game-winning home run!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:35] Choro**
Hello, this is Choromatsu.
**[23:37] Choro**
They say that renting anything over
buying it is more efficient and affordable.
**[23:41] Choro**
I completely agree.
**[23:42] Choro**
And so, on the next "Osomatsu-san," it'll be
***SIGN*** "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend"
**[23:44] Choro**
"Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend."
**[23:46] Choro**
I'm not saying that just because
I can't get a girlfriend.
**[23:48] Choro**
No, really!
# E10 - Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRZXDK8DY/iyami-and-chibitas-rental-girlfriend)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:08] Kara**
Hey, Osomatsu.
**[00:09] Oso**
Hm?
**[00:10] Kara**
There's something I keep
thinking about lately...
**[00:13] Oso**
Good. You should probably think more often.
**[00:15] Oso**
Though I guess I should, too.
**[00:18] Kara**
What does "painful" mean?
**[00:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[00:20] Kara**
People keep pointing at me and saying "painful."
**[00:23] Kara**
But I haven't hit them, or kicked them.
**[00:27] Kara**
Why are they in pain?
**[00:28] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Don't worry about that.
**[00:31] Kara**
Huh?
**[00:31] Oso**
I mean, you're Karamatsu because you're
painful. If you lost that, you'd be boring.
**[00:36] Kara**
But I don't live for the sake of hurting people.
**[00:40] Kara**
Why? Why is it that I love everyone
so much, yet I hurt them?
**[00:46] Kara**
So... this must be the hedgehog's dilemma.
**[00:50] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[00:51] Kara**
Really? Just from that?!
**[00:53] Oso**
That hurt! Don't do surprise attacks like that!
**[00:55] Kara**
Wh-What should I do?
**[00:57] Oso**
Well, first, why don't you stop
wearing that leather jacket?
**[01:00] Kara**
My leather jacket?
**[01:01] Oso**
Yeah. That's the sheer essence of painfulness.
**[01:04] Kara**
All right...
**[01:06] Kara**
Like this?
**[01:07] Oso**
What's with that tanktop?!
Your face is on it!
**[01:10] Oso**
That's so painful!
**[01:10] Kara**
Why are you in pain?!
**[01:11] Oso**
Take off the sunglasses, too.
**[01:14] Oso**
Color contacts?! Save me, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[01:18] Oso**
It hurts so bad!
**[01:19] Oso**
I broke my rib...
**[01:22] Kara**
No matter what I do, I hurt people.
I'm a sinful man. A guilt guy!
**[01:26] Kara**
I'm trapped on all sides. Eight-side shut-out!
**[01:29] Kara**
I'm doomed to live a life of only loneliness.
**[01:34] Oso**
Uh... What? It doesn't hurt.
**[01:36] Oso**
Why?
**[01:37] Oso**
Oh! I get it! My body's gotten
used to it, Karamatsu!
**[01:41] Oso**
Because I was exposed to your dumb
tanktop and your dumb color contacts,
**[01:43] Oso**
my body's built up a resistance to you!
**[01:46] Oso**
Your problem's solved!
**[01:48] Oso**
You don't have to change, Karamatsu.
**[01:50] Oso**
Everyone else's senses just need to be dulled.
**[01:56] Kara**
Thank goodness.
**[01:59] Todo**
Why are you relieved?!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend"
**[03:42] Iyami**
Me is going to die bathing outside in winter.
**[03:44] Iyami**
Why must me live like this after
coming back from France?
**[03:48] Girl**
Wow, I see. That's amazing!
**[03:51] Guy**
I know, right?
**[03:52] Iyami**
A date? Hmph.
**[03:53] Girl**
That's so funny.
**[03:54] Guy**
And the front desk is so useless...
**[03:59] Girl**
Time's up.
**[04:01] Guy**
Oh... Already?
**[04:03] Girl**
That'll be 14,000 yen for two hours.
**[04:06] Iyami**
What?!
**[04:07] Girl**
Thank you so much for today.
Please use Girlfriend Rentals again!
**[04:13] Iyami**
R-Rental girlfriends?!
**[04:17] Chibi**
What are you doing, Iyami?
**[04:19] Iyami**
Chibita!
**[04:20] Iyami**
Perfect timing! Let's you and
me be rental girlfriends!
**[04:24] Chibi**
What the heck is that?
**[04:25] Iyami**
We can be the dynamic duo again.
We'll make a fortune!
**[04:30] Iyami**
Chibita?!
**[04:31] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit!
**[04:33] Chibi**
Rental girlfriends? We're guys!
**[04:36] Iyami**
We'll dress up as women.
**[04:38] Iyami**
You idjit! Like I could do
anything that embarrassing!
**[04:40] Iyami**
But you want money, don't you?
**[04:45] Chibi**
I'm an adult now. I don't have time for—
**[04:48] Iyami**
That's too bad. Me thought you'd look really
cute dressed up like a girl, Chibita.
**[04:57] Chibi**
Just this once, you idjit.
**[04:59] Iyami**
So easy.
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
Cards Accepted
**[05:32] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[05:34] Chibi**
We don't have any customers!
**[05:37] Iyami**
Why is that?
**[05:40] Iyami**
That's it!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
**[05:53] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[05:55] Chibi**
We still aren't getting any!
**[05:58] Iyami**
Why... Oh!
**[06:00] Iyami**
That's it!
***SIGN*** Hybrid
Rental Girlfriends
**[06:13] Chibi**
Th-The hell...
**[06:15] Chibi**
M-My heart...
**[06:19] Iyami**
Perhaps this was too bold.
**[06:26] Iyami**
Here come our suckers!
**[06:29] Iyami**
Hello, sextuplets!
**[06:31] Iyami**
How about some rental girlfriends?
**[06:34] Iyami**
Right now, you could date us
for a whole hour for a mere...
**[06:39] Iyami**
H-Hey, wait a sec.
**[06:41] Iyami**
We'll give you a deal! You can
do whatever you want to us!
**[06:44] Iyami**
Even though we're rentals, pay the
right price, and you can do this or th—
**[06:47] Oso**
Shut up!
**[06:49] Oso**
Rental girlfriends? You guys
are nothing but monsters!
**[06:51] Oso**
Look in the mirror, stupid.
**[06:52] Choro**
My ass hair is on fire, you uglies.
**[06:53] Kara**
I'm gonna barf.
**[06:55] Ichi**
Begone. I won't be able to eat.
**[06:57] Todo**
You're not even worth Aroma Planning.
**[06:59] Jyushi**
One out! Two outs!
**[07:00] Jyushi**
Three outs! Change!
**[07:03] All**
See ya, uglies!
**[07:12] Iyami**
Uglies?
**[07:13] Iyami**
Could it be we didn't get any
customers because of how we look?
**[07:17] Chibi**
Now I see the light, you idjit...
**[07:20] Dayon**
Are you guys stupid?
**[07:24] Iyami**
Th-That does it...
**[07:27] Iyami**
We'll get pretty and have our revenge!
**[07:58] Iyami**
It's not happening.
**[08:01] Deka**
It's done.
**[08:03] Deka**
This is a drug that can make anyone into
a cute girl... The Pretty Girl Drug!
**[08:08] Deka**
By taking this, even a man can... Hold it!
**[08:13] Deka**
I want to ask before you take the drug...
**[08:15] Deka**
Why do you two want to obtain cute exteriors?
**[08:19] Deka**
I can't help but think
**[08:21] Deka**
that external beauty ruins people.
**[08:24] Deka**
That's why they need beautiful hearts.
**[08:31] Iyami**
Th-This is...
**[08:33] Chibi**
Whoa, what is this?
**[08:39] Deka**
Th-This is...
**[08:42] Deka**
Y-You ladies are pretty hot.
**[08:45] Deka**
By the way, if you take one,
the effects will last an hour.
**[08:49] Deka**
Nose bleed!
**[08:52] Deka**
P-Please hold me.
**[08:56] Jyu**
Check!
**[08:58] Todo**
Uh, Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[09:01] Todo**
You can't jump straight to that spot.
**[09:03] Jyu**
Oh...
**[09:04] Todo**
Try again.
**[09:05] Jyu**
Hmm...
**[09:07] Jyu**
Check!
**[09:08] Todo**
No, look...
**[09:09] Todo**
If you check with your king,
your king will be taken.
**[09:11] Jyu**
Oh.
**[09:12] Todo**
Should we just quit?!
**[09:14] Oso**
Hey, Choromatsu. We're adults now, right?
**[09:17] Oso**
So we shouldn't be lazing around.
**[09:20] Oso**
We have to do something...
***SIGN*** Atami
**[09:23] Oso**
Wanna go on a trip?
**[09:28] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:30] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:33] Ichi**
That's it.
**[09:35] Oso**
Ugh, I'm so bored!
**[09:39] Oso**
Isn't there something fun to do?
**[09:41] Oso**
At this rate, I'm gonna die of boredom—
***SIGN*** Employment
**[09:51] Ichi**
Hiss! Hiss!
**[09:51] Jyu**
What the hell, you jerk?
**[09:57] Oso**
What's this?
**[09:59] Todo**
W-Well, Ichimatsu-niisan, what does it say?
**[10:03] Ichi**
It says "Rental Girlfriends."
**[10:05] Five**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Call Us!
**[10:06] Oso**
It does! Whoa, and they're super hot!
**[10:08] Todo**
So cute...
**[10:09] Ichi**
But they're way too expensive.
100,000 yen for an hour.
**[10:12] Oso**
Yeah, that's not happening.
**[10:14] Todo**
Wait. It says they're having
a special for sextuplets.
**[10:17] All**
Wha?
**[10:17] Todo**
A special just for sextuplets...
500 yen an hour?!
**[10:22] Oso**
What is this miracle?!
That's a special just for us!
**[10:25] Oso**
All right, let's do this!
**[10:27] Choro**
Wait, no...
**[10:29] Choro**
No, no, no, no, no, no!
**[10:30] Choro**
Wait a sec!
**[10:32] Choro**
Don't you guys suspect anything?
It's too suspicious!
**[10:35] Choro**
What's a sextuplet special?
I've never heard of that!
**[10:37] Oso**
Oh, here we go. The cool virgin speaks.
**[10:39] Todo**
And we were getting all excited.
**[10:41] Oso**
So you're not gonna go?
Even though they're this cute?
**[10:44] Oso**
Are you sure? It's 500 yen!
**[10:46] Oso**
Think about it, you idiot!
**[10:49] Choro**
Idiot?
**[10:53] Choro**
* C-C-C-Calm down, Choromatsu.*
* They are just rentals...*
**[10:58] Choro**
* They're not real girlfriends.*
* There's no reason to be so nervous.*
**[11:01] Iyayo**
Sorry I'm late!
***SIGN*** Thump
**[11:03] Choro**
*She's here!*
**[11:04] Choro**
N-Nice to meet you...
**[11:08] Choro**
I'm M-M-Matsu-Matsuno Ch-Choroma...
**[11:19] Choro**
Wh-Wha...
**[11:21] Choro**
What?!
**[11:24] Choro**
* She's unbelievable in person!*
* She's no rental girlfriend...*
**[11:26] Choro**
*She's a rental goddess!*
**[11:34] Choro**
*Wh-What is this? She's obviously first-string!*
**[11:39] Choro**
*Am I really allowed to date someone this hot?*
**[11:43] Iyami**
* He's totally fooled. Me is going to*
* wring everything he has out of him.*
**[11:48] Choro**
U-Um, h-h-h-hello...
**[11:51] Iyami**
Hi, zansu.
**[11:52] Choro**
Huh?
**[11:54] Choro**
Zansu?
**[11:56] Iyami**
*C-Crap! My habit...*
**[11:59] Iyami**
U-U-U-Um, Zan... Isn't
Zan-Zangief super strong?
**[12:05] Choro**
Zangief? You mean from Street Fighter?
**[12:08] Iya**
Huh? Y-Yes...
**[12:09] Choro**
* What's with this lady? She's this hot,*
* but she's talking about Zangief?*
**[12:16] Choro**
*She's perfect! I think I'm falling for her!*
**[12:21] Iya**
U-Um...
**[12:23] Iya**
What kind of date would you like today?
**[12:25] Choro**
Ah, um...
**[12:28] Choro**
How about a movie?
**[12:29] Iya**
Yay! I'd love that!
**[12:31] Choro**
Thank goodness!
**[12:33] Iya**
*Hmph... We're just getting started.*
**[12:37] Choro**
*This is amazing! It's like a dream!*
**[12:39] Chor O**
*500 yen an hour for this is too cheap!*
**[12:42] Choro**
*Rental girlfriends are awesome!*
***SIGN*** Ra Theater
***SIGN*** A love story that happened three times in thirty-three years
***SIGN*** Three Days
**[12:46] Choro**
This is it.
**[12:48] Choro**
Let's go, Iyayo-chan.
**[12:49] Iya**
Um...
**[12:51] Iya**
Shall we talk about optional
fees before we go in?
**[12:54] Choro**
Huh? What are those?
**[12:55] Iya**
Rental Girlfriends offer various services,
**[12:58] Iya**
and each comes at a fee.
**[13:01] Iya**
Since we held hands just now,
there's a fee for that...
**[13:05] Choro**
Oh... I see. How much is it?
**[13:09] Iya**
100 yen.
**[13:10] Choro**
100 yen? Sure, that's no problem.
**[13:12] Choro**
I'll pay that.
**[13:13] Iyami**
Also, 50 yen every time our eyes
meet times 38, which is 1,900 yen.
**[13:17] Iyami**
Being nice to others is 800 yen. Staring at my
bare legs is 1,000 yen and times 6 is 6,000 yen.
**[13:22] Iya**
Glancing at my boobs is 1,000
yen times 296 is 296,000 yen.
**[13:26] Iya**
A memory of something you'll probably
never experience is 250,000, so...
**[13:30] Iya**
That brings the total to 554,800 yen.
**[13:33] Choro**
*What?!*
**[13:36] Iya**
That was so much fun. Thank you for today.
**[13:39] Iya**
I'm glad you were my boyfriend,
Choromatsu. See you again!
**[13:46] Choro**
*Sh-Sh-She called me her boyfriend!*
**[13:52] Choro**
I think I'm actually in love with her!
**[13:55] Todo**
Chibimi-chan, I won't buy you anything
else, no matter how cute you act.
**[13:58] Todo**
You're just a rental girlfriend, after all.
**[14:01] Chimi**
Hey, Totty. That bag is so cute.
**[14:05] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:07] Chibi**
I want those shoes!
**[14:08] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:10] Chibi**
This is too much trouble,
so just give me your wallet.
**[14:13] Todo**
Oh, all right.
**[14:15] Chibi**
Teehee.
**[14:17] Chibi**
*This is so easy, you idjit, damn it.*
**[14:21] Kara**
I'll just say this...
**[14:23] Kara**
Now that you're dating me, you're not
gonna get away with just being a rental.
**[14:27] Iya**
The fee for putting up with
painful lines is 800,000 yen.
**[14:31] Iya**
But you're so cool, Karamatsu-kun,
so I'll make it 790,000 yen.
**[14:40] Kara**
The gears of love have begun to turn!
**[14:45] Chibi**
Hey, why don't we drink a bit closer?
**[14:48] Chibi**
It's only a 1,000 yen every
centimeter you move closer.
**[14:51] Ichi**
No... I don't have any more money...
***SIGN*** Receipt Price of Breathing the Same Air in a Confined Space 10,000 yen per minute
**[15:13] Jyu**
I can't anymore!
**[15:18] Oso**
All right, this is all of it.
**[15:20] Oso**
So... can we do the thing you promised now?
**[15:29] Oso**
She smelled so good! It was only
an instant, but she smelled so good!
**[15:35] Oso**
So, Chibimi-chan... How about you become
my real girlfriend rather than a rental...
**[15:43] Oso**
She was so cute...
**[15:47] Iya**
We got our revenge!
**[15:49] Chibi**
We're going too far.
**[15:50] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit!
**[15:52] Oso**
Iyayo-chan!
**[15:55] Chibi**
They're totally hooked.
**[15:57] Iya**
You came to see us again?
**[15:59] Chibi**
What kind of date would you like?
**[16:01] Oso**
W-Well... We don't have any more money,
so we were hoping we could just talk...
**[16:08] Todo**
Wait!
**[16:10] Iyami**
*If you're broke...*
**[16:11] Chibi**
*...we have no use for you, idjits.*
**[16:16] Toto**
Hey, guys!
**[16:18] Toto**
Look! I'm trying out a crustacean look this time!
**[16:23] Toto**
I'm a mantis shrimp!
**[16:26] Toto**
Huh? Why aren't you complimenting me?
**[16:29] Oso**
Totoko-chan, we don't have
time for that right now...
**[16:31] Choro**
Iyayo-chan!
**[16:32] Ichi**
Chibimi, it's me!
**[16:33] Kara**
I would die for you!
**[16:34] Jyu**
Iyayo... I can't get enough of Iyayo!
**[16:36] Todo**
I want to go on a date with Chibimi-chan!
**[16:37] Oso**
Give me Chibimi!
**[16:44] Toto**
I'm done with you.
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[16:49] Iya**
We should enjoy ourselves this way, too...
**[16:52] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit...
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Bath
**[16:59] Chibi**
What the hell is going on?!
**[17:00] Iyami**
Something's wrong! We just took the drug!
**[17:05] Deka**
*I think your bodies have built up a resistance.*
**[17:07] Deka**
* The time the drug will*
* work on you will get shorter.*
**[17:13] Chibi**
Well, I guess it's time to call it off.
We did make a fortune.
**[17:16] Iyami**
Indeed.
**[17:17] Oso**
Iyayo-chan! Chibimi-chan!
**[17:21] Oso**
There they are!
**[17:22] Oso**
Hey, let's go on a date again!
**[17:24] Iya**
Sorry, but Rental Girlfriends is closed.
**[17:27] Six**
What?! No!
**[17:29] Chibi**
Besides, you guys don't have
any money left, right?
**[17:33] Oso**
Actually...
**[17:35] Oso**
We do.
**[17:38] Oso**
Jyushimatsu.
**[17:39] Jyu**
Right!
**[17:40] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:42] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:43] Jyu**
Ta-da!
**[17:44] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:46] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:47] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:48] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:48] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:49] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:49] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:50] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:50] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:50] Chibi**
*The hell?!*
**[17:50] Iyami**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:51] Iyami**
*The hell?!*
**[17:51] Chibi**
*Sheeh!*
**[17:51] Iyami**
*The hell?!*
**[17:53] Iyami**
Wh-What is...
**[17:55] Chibi**
What's going on?
**[17:57] Oso**
We worked!
**[18:00] Choro**
Working is great.
**[18:02] Todo**
Working is wonderful.
***SIGN*** For Various Reasons, We Can't Show the Work They're Doing Here.
**[18:06] Ichi**
People need goals in their lives.
**[18:09] Oso**
Thank you both. I mean, because
we wanted to do pervy things...
**[18:13] Oso**
I mean...
**[18:14] Oso**
Because we wanted to date you two,
we all graduated from being NEETs.
**[18:18] Iya**
* M-Me has clearly underestimated*
* the resolve of virgins.*
**[18:21] Chibi**
* Getting this much money in*
* so little time is impossible!*
**[18:26] Chibi**
Wh-What are we going to do?
**[18:27] Iya**
We're going to date them.
**[18:28] Chbi**
What?! But the drug's effect...
**[18:30] Iya**
This is our chance!
**[18:32] Iya**
If we make it work, we won't
have to work for a while!
**[18:37] Iya**
Me and you can do this.
**[18:42] Oso**
All right, let's all have a fun night together!
**[18:46] Oso**
Cheers!
**[18:47] All**
Cheers!
**[18:50] Kara**
A toast to your eyes.
**[19:02] Jyu**
Change seats! Change seats!
**[19:05] Oso**
Wait, this is messed up!
**[19:07] Iyami**
*This was actually pretty easy...*
**[19:10] Chibi**
*There was nothing to worry about.*
**[19:14] Iya**
* Me is gonna take them for all they're*
* worth and high-tail it to France!*
**[19:23] Chibi**
*Iyami?*
**[19:24] Iya**
Sheeh!
**[19:27] Choro**
What's the matter, Iyayo-chan?
**[19:29] Iyami**
*B-But I just took the...*
**[19:30] Iyami**
Are you not feeling well?
**[19:31] Chibi**
Did you get something in your
throat? Here, drink this.
**[19:39] Kara**
You've got some stardust on your lips.
**[19:41] Iya**
Huh?
**[19:42] Kra**
Don't move.
**[19:47] Kara**
Huh? Whiskers?!
**[19:48] Chibi**
No, no! They're just crumbs!
**[19:50] Iya**
Sheeh—
**[19:54] Iya**
...ke it, my baby! Shake it, my baby!
**[19:56] Oso**
Iyayo-chan? Everyone's staring...
**[20:00] Iya**
*We've reached our limit! We need to flee!*
**[20:03] Chibi**
*Right! Let's make a run for it, you idjit!*
**[20:10] Iya**
Chibimi!
**[20:12] Chibi**
Ah...
**[20:13] Todo**
H-Huh?!
**[20:16] Choro**
What's wrong, Totty?
**[20:17] Todo**
Why?!
**[20:21] Oso**
Wait, what? A power outage?
**[20:22] Iya**
I'm scared! I'm going home!
**[20:24] Choro**
What? You're going home?!
**[20:25] Kara**
Why so suddenly?
**[20:26] Jyu**
Let's dance some more!
**[20:27] Chibi**
I'm going home, too.
**[20:29] Ichi**
Huh? But you still have some juice left.
**[20:30] Todo**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[20:46] Iya**
U-Um... This is...
**[20:48] Chibi**
Y-You've got the wrong idea, y-y-you idjits...
**[21:00] Iyami**
Let us out!
**[21:02] Chibi**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[21:05] Ichi**
Do you want to rent the key?
**[21:06] Iya**
Yes!
**[21:07] Ichi**
100,000 yen.
**[21:09] Iya**
All right!
**[21:10] Five**
Thank you, come again.
**[21:13] Chibi**
Hey, this key doesn't fit, you idjit!
**[21:15] Ichi**
Oh. That's a key for a music box.
**[21:17] Chibi**
You asshole!
**[21:18] Iya**
The key to the cage!
We'll rent the key to the cage!
**[21:22] Ichi**
Five million yen.
**[21:23] Iya**
Five mil— A-All right!
**[21:26] Chibi**
Hey! Hurry up and give it to us!
**[21:28] Ichi**
Could we get your thumb print first?
***SIGN*** Receipt Key Rental Fee
**[21:31] Iyami**
The price went up!
**[21:33] Chibi**
Fine! Hurry up and hand it over!
**[21:35] Five**
Thank you, come again.
**[21:36] Ichi**
We need your damn thumb print first!
**[23:15] Lady**
*And now, the winner*
**[23:17] Lady**
*of this year's Miss Beauty Japan is...*
**[23:24] Lady**
*Miss Tokyo!*
**[23:28] Guy**
*Miss Beauty Japan, how do you feel right now?*
**[23:33] Miss**
*To be chosen as the winner*
**[23:36] Miss**
*is such an honor...*
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:43] Ichi**
This is Ichiimatsu. The next
episode basically looks like this.
**[23:46] Ichi**
It's one that'll remind us of our shitty reality.
***SIGN*** "Christmas Osomatsu-san"
# E11 - Christmas Osomatsu-san
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6Q4Q31PR/christmas-osomatsu-san)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Merry Xmas
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[00:21] Mom**
Dear...
**[00:22] Dad**
This is bad. The mental degradation
of having nothing to do
**[00:25] Dad**
on Christmas Eve has spread to their bodies.
**[00:27] Todo**
Merry... Merry Christmas...
**[00:30] Jyu**
Merry Grizmaurgh...
**[00:32] Choro**
Christmachu! Christmachu!
**[00:34] Kara**
Merry, merry, merry!
**[00:41] Todo**
Want some cake?
**[00:45] Jyu**
So sweet...
**[00:48] Ichi**
I-I-It's so sweet...
**[00:51] Chro**
Cake! Christmachu cake!
**[00:53] Oso**
Sweet! Sweety sweet! Sweet! Sweet!
**[00:54] Dad**
They're monsters...
**[00:59] Todo**
Christmas Osomatsu-san...
**[01:02] Five**
...is about to start!
**[01:09] Dad**
That's just wrong.
***SIGN*** "Black Santa"
**[02:42] Girl**
That was delicious.
**[02:43] Guy**
Really?
**[02:44] Guy**
Then let's go to that restaurant
again next Christmas.
**[02:47] Girl**
Yeah.
**[03:00] Ichi**
Good evening.
**[03:03] Ichi**
Uh, good evening.
**[03:05] Guy**
Oh, g-good evening...
**[03:16] Girl**
Who is that?
**[03:17] Guy**
I have no idea.
**[03:23] Girl**
He's sitting next to us!
**[03:24] Ichi**
Man, it's cold, isn't it?
**[03:28] Ichi**
Uh, it's cold, isn't it?
**[03:30] Guy**
Y-Yes...
**[03:41] Guy**
Um...
**[03:41] Ichi**
You on a date?
**[03:42] Guy**
Pardon?
**[03:43] Ichi**
Are you on a date?
**[03:46] Guy**
Yes...
**[03:46] Ichi**
I see.
**[03:58] Guy**
Um—
**[03:59] Ichi**
You two look good together.
**[04:01] Guy**
Huh? Oh.
**[04:03] Both**
Thank you.
**[04:16] Ichi**
You dumbass, I'll kill you.
**[04:23] Ichi**
And? What are your plans after this?
**[04:25] Guy**
Huh? Um... We haven't really decided.
**[04:28] Ichi**
Going home, then?
**[04:31] Guy**
What should we do?
**[04:33] Girl**
I'm not sure.
**[04:34] Guy**
Is it almost time for the last train?
**[04:37] Girl**
Yeah.
**[04:38] Guy**
Do you have to get up early tomorrow?
**[04:40] Girl**
No, I have the day off.
**[04:42] Guy**
Oh, I see...
**[04:50] Guy**
Wanna spend the ni—
**[04:52] Girl**
What in the world?!
**[04:53] Guy**
Spontaneous human combustion!
**[04:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Picked Up by a Girl"
**[05:06] Kara**
*My name is Karamatsu.*
**[05:08] Kara**
* I'm a guy who doesn't panic even if he*
* doesn't have a girlfriend on Christmas.*
**[05:12] Kara**
* There's no point in love*
* if you have to compromise.*
**[05:14] Kara**
*I will not be swayed by society.*
**[05:18] Kara**
*I will live alone.*
**[05:19] Kara**
*I will not falter.*
**[05:21] Girl**
Um...
**[05:24] Girl**
I'm sorry this is rather sudden,
but are you free right now?
**[05:28] Kara**
*So you've come, Karamatsu girls.*
**[05:30] Kara**
*Now, will this encounter...*
**[05:33] Kara**
*grow into true love?*
**[05:38] Suit**
That'll be 860,000 yen.
**[05:41] ---**
My God, that's high!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[05:49] Totoko**
* Christmas... It is a day of miracles,*
* when Santa grants your wish.*
**[05:54] Toto**
* I don't want any money.*
* I don't even want a boyfriend.*
**[05:57] Toto**
*Yes, all you need is*
**[05:59] Toto**
* an unwavering heart that believes*
* that a miracle will happen.*
***SIGN*** Way Too Sweet!! Fujioya
**[06:08] Toto**
Would you like to try our Christmas cakes?
**[06:10] Toto**
They're cheap! How about it?
**[06:17] Toto**
*I guess I'm alone again this year.*
**[06:19] Toto**
*I guess Santa just doesn't...*
**[06:22] Choro**
Totoko-san.
**[06:24] Toto**
Choromatsu-kun?
**[06:28] Toto**
What brings you here?
**[06:30] Choro**
What brings me here? Why, I came to see you.
**[06:34] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:36] Choro**
Sorry, I should have realized.
**[06:39] Choro**
You're probably cold.
**[06:41] Toto**
Th-Thank you.
**[06:44] Toto**
*It smells so nice.*
**[06:46] Choro**
There's something I wanted to show you.
**[06:48] Toto**
Huh? What's that?
**[06:51] Choro**
Here we go.
**[06:57] Toto**
Wh-What is this doing here?
**[06:59] Choro**
I made it.
**[07:00] Toto**
You made it?!
**[07:01] Choro**
Yes.
**[07:03] Choro**
I made this light display for you.
**[07:07] Toto**
* Nothing less from the beauty genius!*
* He can create a light display easily!*
**[07:11] Jyu**
Choromatsu-niisan.
No fair getting the jump on us.
**[07:15] Toto**
J-Jyushimatsu-kun!
**[07:18] Jyu**
Good evening, Princess.
**[07:20] Toto**
Huh?
**[07:21] Jyu**
Well, let's climb up.
**[07:22] Toto**
Climb?
**[07:26] Toto**
*I've never done anything like this.*
**[07:28] Toto**
* I'm actually climbing up*
* a light display right now.*
**[07:32] Jyu**
Look.
**[07:33] Toto**
Wow, it's so pretty!
**[07:36] Jyu**
It's too early to be surprised.
**[07:38] Jyu**
Take a look at that building.
**[07:39] Toto**
Huh?
**[07:40] Jyu**
Here we go!
***SIGN*** I Like You
***SIGN*** I Like You
**[07:44] Toto**
This is...
**[07:45] Jyu**
That's not all!
***SIGN*** Love
***SIGN*** I Love You
**[07:50] Toto**
You're kidding...
**[07:51] Jyu**
And...
**[07:54] Toto**
Wha... What?!
**[07:57] Jyu**
And now for the finale!
**[08:07] Toto**
What?! How did you do that?!
**[08:10] Jyu**
Merry Christmas.
**[08:11] Toto**
No, seriously, how did you do that?!
**[08:14] Toto**
*This isn't good.*
**[08:16] Toto**
*This really isn't good.*
**[08:17] Jyu**
Hey, what do you wanna do next?
**[08:19] Choro**
Let's see...
**[08:24] Toto**
It's jam-packed...
**[08:27] Kara**
Looks like it's my turn.
**[08:30] Toto**
K-Karamatsu-kun?
**[08:32] Kara**
Hey, Ugly.
**[08:33] Toto**
Wha—
**[08:34] Kara**
Hold this.
**[08:35] Toto**
Wai—
**[08:37] Toto**
This is the dress I've been
wanting for a while now...
**[08:41] Kara**
Hey, you assholes!
**[08:42] ---**
Huh?
**[08:43] Kara**
You're gonna have to die.
**[08:45] Guys**
Huh?
**[08:50] Kara**
Merry!
**[08:51] Kara**
Merry!
**[08:53] Kara**
Christmas!
**[09:02] Kara**
I cleared the way so you can get through.
**[09:04] Toto**
*H-He's so nice!*
**[09:10] Toto**
* And so I ended up being driven*
* out by Emperor Whatshisname.*
**[09:15] Ichi**
Hey.
**[09:17] Toto**
I-Ichimatsu-kun?
**[09:20] Ichi**
Over here.
**[09:24] Toto**
Thanks, Ichimatsu-kun. You saved me.
**[09:28] Ichi**
No problem.
**[09:30] Toto**
Huh?
**[09:32] Ichi**
It's warmer this way.
**[09:39] Ichi**
Merry Christmas.
**[09:43] Toto**
* And so I ended up going to*
* dinner with Osomatsu-kun.*
**[09:47] Oso**
A lot happened today, Totoko-chan.
**[09:50] Oso**
And what's about to happen is
my Christmas present to you.
**[09:57] Toto**
Huh?
**[09:58] Toto**
Snow? You can make it snow, Osomatsu-kun?
**[10:02] Oso**
Well, I am Santa.
**[10:04] Toto**
I never knew!
**[10:07] Oso**
Totoko-chan.
**[10:11] Oso**
Merry Christmas.
**[10:16] Toto**
* And when I got home, there was*
* one more Santa waiting for me.*
**[10:21] Todo**
Merry Christmas!
**[10:24] Todo**
Well, let's go!
**[10:25] Toto**
Huh?
**[10:26] Toto**
Huh?!
**[10:29] Toto**
* I've never experienced this before...*
* I'm flying through the sky!*
**[10:33] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu.
**[10:35] Oso**
She's my bride.
**[10:37] Kara**
No, she's mine.
**[10:38] Choro**
She is my fiancée.
**[10:40] Ichi**
She's my little lady.
**[10:41] Jyu**
My wife!
**[10:44] Todo**
Oh, all right. Just for tonight,
she belongs to all of us.
**[10:59] Toto**
*We went on from there*
***SIGN*** Love Hotel
**[11:03] Toto**
*to destroy every love hotel in town.*
**[11:07] Toto**
*Christmas... It is a day of miracles.*
**[11:12] Toto**
*Anything can happen.*
***SIGN*** "Exchanging Presents"
**[11:23] Oso**
All right, so...
**[11:25] Oso**
We will now begin the 2015
Matsuno Family Christmas Party.
**[11:30] Oso**
Merry Christmas, everyone.
**[11:33] Four**
Merry... Christmas...
**[11:33] Four**
Merry... Christmas...
**[11:35] Choro**
What kind of mood is this?
**[11:37] Choro**
If we're not into it,
we don't have to do it.
**[11:38] Oso**
All right, let's exchange presents. Take 'em out.
**[11:42] Kara**
Okay.
**[11:43] Both**
Okay.
**[11:45] Oso**
All right, let's pass them around. Ready, and...
**[11:47] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:51] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:54] Choro**
Seriously, what's with this mood?
**[11:55] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[11:58] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:02] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:04] Choro**
Who is this party even for?
**[12:06] Five**
Die, die, die, die, die... die.
**[12:09] Oso**
All right, did everyone get
a different one? I got...
**[12:12] Oso**
Ugh, Jyushimatsu. I bet it's just junk.
***SIGN*** Jyushi
**[12:16] Todo**
Aw, man. I got Choromatsu-niisan's. So lame.
**[12:19] Choro**
Hey.
**[12:20] Jyu**
I got Ichimatsu-niisan's.
I wonder if it's a bomb.
**[12:23] Kara**
I got Totty's. I'm safe.
**[12:25] Choro**
I got Osomatsu-niisan...
What about you, Ichimatsu?
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[12:30] Ichi**
God... Oh, God...
**[12:33] Choro**
That's too bad.
**[12:34] Oso**
All right, let's open them all at once.
**[12:36] Oso**
Ready, and...
**[12:38] All**
Go.
**[12:42] Choro**
What... is this?
**[12:49] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[12:53] Iyami**
Matches... Do you need any matches?
They burn really well.
***SIGN*** The Little Match Iyami
**[13:00] Iyami**
Do you need any matches?
**[13:02] Iaymi**
Matches from France,
only 1,900 yen! A great deal!
**[13:05] Iyami**
Please buy some!
**[13:10] Iaymi**
If you don't buy them,
me is going to starve to death.
**[13:13] Iyami**
You'll be left full of guilt. Buy them!
**[13:19] Iyami**
Me is going to die! Are you okay with that?!
**[13:23] Iyami**
Me is going to die! Oh, me is going to die.
**[13:25] Iyami**
Me is going to die!
**[13:30] Iyami**
The world is so cold.
Me is suffering so much, and yet...
***SIGN*** These Are Matches
**[13:36] Iyami**
These are meant to be sold, but...
**[13:39] Iyami**
Ah... So warm.
**[13:54] Old**
Merry Christmas, my boy.
**[13:57] Old**
Merry Christmas.
**[13:58] Old**
This is all for you, my boy.
**[14:01] Old**
Enjoy it all!
**[14:04] Dayon**
I will!
**[14:09] Old**
No! Save us!
**[14:11] Old**
Oh, God!
**[14:18] Iyami**
Sheeh!
**[14:20] Oso**
Shut up!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Love"
***SIGN*** Open Year-Round
Super-Duper Cheap
***SIGN*** Roast Turkey
***SIGN*** 40% Off!
***SIGN*** Ero MAX
**[16:04] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Santa"
**[16:20] Oso**
Jyushimatsu's waiting for Santa again...
**[16:23] Oso**
He's done this ever since he was a kid.
**[16:26] Todo**
It's definitely not cute, is it?
**[16:28] Choro**
No, it's not. It's really bad for a guy over twenty.
**[16:30] Oso**
Ichimatsu, could you nonchalantly put
his present in, like you usually do?
**[16:34] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[16:47] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:50] Five**
What?
**[16:51] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:52] Todo**
Yeah, yeah. It's cold. Shut the window.
**[16:54] Jyu**
He's here!
**[16:55] Kara**
It's cold.
**[16:56] Jyu**
Santa's here!
**[16:57] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu.
**[16:58] Jyu**
Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!
**[17:01] Oso**
Shut up!
**[17:03] Five**
Now he's actually saying he's seen him.
**[17:05] Five**
This isn't good.
**[17:06] Fiive**
Not at all.
**[17:25] Jyu**
I caught him!
**[17:26] Choro**
You wanted to catch him?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[17:33] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
**[17:35] Chibi**
You hate Christmas?
***SIGN*** "Christmas Drinking"
**[17:37] Chibi**
Oh, please. You guys used to
love it when you were kids.
**[17:41] Chibi**
You're just jealous because
you don't have girlfriends.
**[17:43] Chibi**
I can't believe you're irritated
just because of that.
***SIGN*** Killer Super Hot
Habanero
Instant Death Powder
**[17:45] Chibi**
Jeez.
**[17:46] Chibi**
Talk about pathetic. You idjits.
**[17:48] Choro**
Uh, you seem more irritated
than anyone, Chibita.
**[17:51] Choro**
What is this hellish hot pot?
I can only feel hatred from it.
**[17:53] Chibi**
Y'all should just die, you idjits!
**[17:55] Jyu**
So hot!
***SIGN*** Oden
**[17:56] Oso**
Chibita, introduce us to someone.
**[17:59] Chibi**
Huh?
**[17:59] Oso**
Hey, don't you have anyone
you're interested in, Chibita?
**[18:02] Chibi**
O-Of course I don't, you idjit.
**[18:04] Chibi**
Oden is my life. You might as well say
oden is my girlfriend, you idjit.
**[18:07] Oso**
He actually said oden is his
girlfriend. That's not good.
**[18:10] Choro**
What about you, Totty?
**[18:11] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:12] Choro**
You know, those girls you met at
Sutabaa. Have you heard from them?
**[18:16] Todo**
They haven't sent me a Line back since.
**[18:18] Ichi**
Huh. Why's that?
**[18:20] Todo**
Why?! You really have the
nerve to ask me that?
**[18:23] Todo**
What was that face?!
What kind of emotion was that?!
**[18:25] Choro**
Well, you know, we don't really
need girlfriends right now.
**[18:28] Choro**
It's actually more fun drinking
with just us guys—
**[18:31] Both**
There it is!
**[18:32] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:33] Oso**
There it is.
**[18:34] Todo**
Yup.
**[18:35] Choro**
What?
**[18:36] Oso**
That's the scariest logic
you can have, Cherrymatsu.
**[18:39] Choro**
Cherrymatsu?
**[18:40] Oso**
It's more fun with just us guys?
**[18:41] Oso**
What?! Of course it's not.
**[18:43] Todo**
Don't you always want to be with girls?
Don't you always want to talk to them?
**[18:46] Todo**
Don't you always want them to
touch you and to touch them?
**[18:51] Choro**
Sorry.
**[18:52] Oso**
Be more careful, you idiot.
**[18:53] Todo**
Idiot.
**[18:54] Choro**
Idiot? Come on...
**[18:55] Oso**
Man, I'm definitely going to spend this
time next year with my girlfriend.
**[18:59] Todo**
Definitely next year.
**[19:00] Kara**
Yeah, next year.
**[19:01] Jyu**
Next year! Next year!
**[19:03] Ichi**
Next life. Next life.
**[19:06] Choro**
Yeah.
**[19:08] Chibi**
Uh...
**[19:09] Chibi**
That's probably not happening.
**[19:10] Six**
Huh?
**[19:11] Chibi**
You guys are all unemployed,
not to mention broke.
**[19:15] Chibi**
How are you going to get
girlfriends, you idjits?
**[19:16] Oso**
No, no, Chibita-kun. It's not
money that makes the man.
**[19:19] Todo**
You're so superficial.
**[19:21] Jyu**
Chibita, what's important is what's on the inside.
**[19:23] Chibi**
Where did you learn that, Jyushimatsu?!
**[19:32] Hata**
Merry Christmas, dajo. Merry Christmas, dajo.
**[19:41] Hata**
We're going to Finland, jo.
**[19:43] Girls**
Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag!
**[19:53] Jyu**
Yeah, it's the money.
**[19:54] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[20:00] Six**
Please! Date us!
***SIGN*** "Groveling"
**[20:04] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[20:06] Six**
Please! Date us!
**[20:07] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[20:09] Six**
Please date us!
**[20:10] Toto**
Please go home!
**[20:11] Six**
Date us!
**[20:11] Toto**
Go home!
**[20:12] Six**
Date us!
**[20:13] Toto**
Go home!
**[20:13] Six**
Date!
**[20:14] Toto**
Get the hell out!
**[20:17] Dad**
They're at it again this year.
**[20:19] Mom**
It's definitely Christmas.
**[20:24] Oso**
Totoko-chan, is there really no chance?
**[20:27] Toto**
No.
**[20:27] Oso**
Why?
**[20:29] Toto**
I appreciate the sentiment.
**[20:30] Toto**
But I really don't think it's feasible,
considering it's six to one.
**[20:34] Todo**
I see...
**[20:35] Todo**
Then we'll beat the crap out of each other,
and the one that's left standing...
**[20:40] Toto**
That's not going to work, either.
**[20:46] Kara**
Totoko-chan, I'll give you an amazing present.
**[20:49] Toto**
I'll take the present.
**[20:51] Ichi**
I'll pay you.
**[20:52] Toto**
I'll take the money.
**[20:53] Jyu**
What else do you want us to do?
**[20:54] Toto**
I'd like for you to go home.
**[20:55] Choro**
Just what's wrong with us?
**[20:57] Toto**
Get a clue.
**[20:57] Choro**
Oh, that we're unemployed?
**[20:59] Toto**
Feel it.
**[20:59] Choro**
That we're virgins?
**[21:07] Oso**
It's no use.
**[21:10] Oso**
I guess there's only one last thing we can do.
**[21:12] Todo**
Yup. I guess so.
**[21:15] Six**
Please! At least take a picture with
us that looks like we went on a date!
**[21:19] Toto**
Please! I don't want to create a false reality!
**[21:21] Six**
Please! Take a picture with us!
**[21:23] Toto**
Please! Go home!
**[21:25] Six**
A picture!
**[21:25] Toto**
Go home!
**[21:26] Six**
Picture!
**[21:27] Toto**
Get the hell out!
***SIGN*** Dayon Counseling Room
**[23:06] Nar**
*The Dayon Counseling Room.*
**[23:08] Nar**
* This is a secret counseling room where*
* the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"*
* *
**[23:13] Nar**
*express how they really feel.*
**[23:16] Kara**
I'm coming in.
***SIGN*** This Week's Client Karamatsu
**[23:23] Kara**
This year is finally coming to a close.
**[23:25] Kara**
We're about to go into our second cour,
but there's something I'd like to discuss.
**[23:29] Kara**
When we start our second cour,
**[23:31] Kara**
I implore you, just a tiny bit would be fine,
so could we treat me a little bet—
**[23:39] Kara**
We're getting comments from
people who feel sorry for me!
***SIGN*** End
# E12 - Year-End Special-san
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYWE2K3KY/year-end-special-san)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Year-End Special-san"
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[01:59] Oso**
Heya! Osomatsu here!
**[02:01] Oso**
Man, it's so cold every day.
**[02:05] Oso**
What? You're kidding!
**[02:06] Oso**
You were waiting around naked?
**[02:08] Oso**
You're gonna catch a cold! You okay?
**[02:10] Toto**
Hey, wait a sec.
**[02:12] Oso**
Ah, Totoko-chan!
**[02:14] Toto**
What is this? What happened
with today's broadcast?
**[02:17] Oso**
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention this.
**[02:19] Oso**
Sorry!
**[02:21] Toto**
Jeez, you really can't do anything right.
**[02:25] Oso**
You see, today's "Osomatsu-san" is a special.
**[02:28] Toto**
A special?
**[02:30] Oso**
Yup! It's a special episode for the end of the year.
**[02:33] Oso**
We're gonna look back on the broadcast so far
**[02:35] Oso**
and decide which one of us
sextuplets is the biggest loser.
**[02:38] Oso**
We call it...
***SIGN*** Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)
**[02:39] Oso**
"Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)."
**[02:42] Toto**
Wow! NEETs! NEETs!
**[02:44] Toto**
Virgins! You bunch of good-for-nothings!
**[02:47] Oso**
Uh, isn't that a bit harsh, Totoko-chan?
**[02:49] Oso**
Though you're super cute,
so I'm not mad at all.
**[02:52] Oso**
Now, we've gathered all of our
most terrible scenes, so let's watch.
**[02:56] Oso**
We'll start with the eldest brother, me!
**[02:58] Toto**
Start!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[03:05] Iyami**
Oh, is that you, Osomatsu?
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[03:07] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu.
**[03:08] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu.
**[03:09] Iya**
What's that smell?
Have you been drinking already?
**[03:12] Iya**
You sextuplets are such failures, as always.
**[03:16] Oso**
Say, Iyami. I'd like to discuss something
with you, as a trusted friend.
**[03:20] Iya**
What's this about?
**[03:23] Oso**
We six are facing the greatest
dilemma of our lives right now.
**[03:29] Iya**
Is there something me can do for you?
**[03:31] Oso**
Could you lend us some cash?
**[03:33] Iya**
What are you going to use it for?
**[03:36] Iya**
Stop messing around!
**[03:40] Iya**
Stop that!
**[03:41] Iya**
What's wrong with you?!
You stupid yakuza sextuplets!
**[03:44] Oso**
Hmph. No more screen time for you.
**[03:47] Todo**
Demon! Brute!
**[03:48] Todo**
You man of good character!
You wealthy fellow!
**[03:50] Iya**
Why did you compliment me at the end?
**[03:52] Iyami**
For crying out loud... Everyone
spoiled you all when you were young,
**[03:55] Iyami**
so you've grown up to be terrible monsters.
**[03:59] Nya**
Thanks, nyaan!
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[04:02] Choro**
*Th-The time is finally at hand.
Calm down, Choromatsu.*
**[04:05] Choro**
*You've only got twenty seconds.*
***SIGN*** Let's Shake Hands, Nyan
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyan
**[04:08] Choro**
* You saved up all the money that*
* you earned just for this moment!*
**[04:12] Choro**
*Start with your thoughts on the new single.*
***SIGN*** Nyaa Photobook
**[04:14] Choro**
* Nonchalantly mention that you've*
* reserved her new photobook,*
***SIGN*** Reserved
**[04:16] Choro**
* and throw your Twitter*
* handle into the conversation.*
**[04:18] Choro**
*Do* not *be pushy!*
**[04:20] Choro**
* Act appropriately distant,*
* unlike all those other fans.*
**[04:23] Choro**
*Make her feel like you really get her!*
**[04:25] Choro**
* Yes! Make her feel like you*
* really understand her stress.*
**[04:29] Choro**
*There's nothing to fear! My plan is perfect!*
**[04:32] Oso**
Whatcha doin'?
**[04:33] Choro**
An accident has occurred!
**[04:34] Oso**
Huh... Didn't know you were into this stuff.
**[04:36] Choro**
Wh-Wh-What are you doing
here, Osomatsu-niisan?!
**[04:39] Oso**
Her face is pretty plain, isn't it?
**[04:41] Oso**
Like one you'd see in class.
**[04:42] Choro**
Hey!
**[04:43] Oso**
A photo is 1,000 yen? So expensive!
***SIGN*** Photo Op 1,000 Yen
**[04:45] Choro**
Don't say that!
**[04:46] Oso**
I love you, Reika!
**[04:48] Oso**
Who the hell is Reika?! You're too random!
**[04:50] Dasu**
Next in line, please.
**[04:52] Choro**
Oh, coming!
**[04:54] Choro**
Sorry, some weird guy wouldn't stop talking to m—
**[04:56] Oso**
Nice to meet you. The name's Matsuno Osomatsu.
**[04:57] Choro**
Hey!
**[04:59] Oso**
Thanks for taking such good
care of my little brother.
**[05:01] Choro**
Why are *you* shaking her hand?!
**[05:02] Oso**
He's a really good guy, so would you
have s** with him at least once?
**[05:08] Choro**
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don't say "s**"!
**[05:11] Choro**
I'm so sorry, Nyaa-chan!
**[05:12] Oso**
Wait. Should you be saying "s**"
in front of the person you like?
**[05:15] Choro**
*You're* the one saying "s°°"!
**[05:17] Oso**
What? Did I say "s**"?
Did I really say "s**"?
**[05:21] Choro**
You just want to say "s**," don't you?!
**[05:25] Oso**
S**.
**[05:26] Choro**
Don't say it so casually!
**[05:27] Oso**
Then how about ****?
**[05:28] Choro**
Shut up!
**[05:29] Oso**
What about ****?
**[05:30] Choro**
Shut your mouth!
**[05:31] Oso**
Then how about she **** your
***** and then **** and ****?
**[05:35] Choro**
Just get out of the way!
**[05:36] Choro**
Nya... Nyaa-chan...
**[05:39] Deka**
Time's up.
**[05:45] Oso**
Whoa! He totally hit me!
**[05:48] Choro**
Get out of here.
**[05:49] Choro**
From this day onward,
you are a stranger to me.
***SIGN*** From Episode 6: "Iyami's Great Discovery"
**[06:00] Oso**
Iyami.
**[06:02] Hata**
Iyami, I went on another hundred-time
shrine pilgrimage for you, jo.
**[06:06] Hata**
So something good should happen, jo.
**[06:09] Iyami**
Shut up!
**[06:10] Oso**
Hey, that wasn't necessary!
**[06:15] Iyami**
That hurt! How dare you do that to me
when me just came back from France...
**[06:20] Iyami**
M-My teeth grew back! Me has teeth!
**[06:22] Oso**
Oh, I get it!
**[06:24] Oso**
Your teeth grow out when
you're hit on the head.
**[06:27] Oso**
Basically it's like a carpenter's plane.
**[06:29] Iyami**
Sheeeh! I had no idea!
**[06:34] Oso**
Well, let's go.
**[06:36] Iyami**
Huh?
**[06:37] Oso**
Come on.
**[06:45] Toto**
Hey, Osomatsu-kun. What were you
saying during all those beeps?
**[06:47] Oso**
Now we can sell all we want, Mr. Flag.
**[06:50] Oso**
Huh? Uh, um... that was...
**[06:50] Hata**
I'll make even more money, jo!
**[06:52] Toto**
Could it have been ****?
**[06:55] Oso**
All right, next!
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[06:57] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[07:11] Sachi**
Hey, Aida, doesn't that guy look cool?
**[07:13] Aida**
He totally looks like Ozaki, Sacchi!
**[07:16] Sachi**
Go talk to him!
**[07:17] Aida**
I can't! He's too hot. I'm gonna die!
**[07:20] Sachi**
Then maybe I'll go instead.
**[07:24] Aida**
What the hell is with him? So creepy.
**[07:26] Sachi**
Die.
**[07:27] Choro**
*Seriously? He actually passed!*
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[07:30] Choro**
*How does the mind of a mother work?*
**[07:33] Kara**
Me too, Mom.
**[07:35] Kara**
I want to live my life without working
and with my meals prepared for me.
**[07:40] Mom**
Wrong.
**[07:42] Choro**
Yeah, that's totally wrong, Karamatsu.
That just makes you trash.
***SIGN*** From Episode 10
**[07:47] Kara**
What does "painful" mean?
**[07:48] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:49] Kara**
People keep pointing at me and saying "painful."
**[07:52] Kara**
But I haven't hit them, or kicked them.
**[07:55] Kara**
Why are they in pain?
**[07:57] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Don't worry about that.
**[08:00] Kara**
Huh?
**[08:00] Oso**
I mean, you're Karamatsu because you're
painful. If you lost that, you'd be boring.
**[08:05] Kara**
But I don't live for the sake of hurting people.
**[08:09] Kara**
Why? Why is it that I love everyone
so much, yet I hurt them?
**[08:15] Kara**
So... this must be the hedgehog's dilemma.
**[08:19] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
**[08:20] Kara**
Really? Just from that?!
**[08:22] Oso**
That hurt! Don't do surprise attacks like that!
**[08:23] Kara**
Wh-What should I do?
**[08:26] Oso**
Well, first, why don't you stop
wearing that leather jacket?
**[08:28] Kara**
My leather jacket?
**[08:29] Oso**
Yeah. That's the sheer essence of painfulness.
**[08:33] Kara**
All right...
**[08:35] Kara**
Like this?
**[08:36] Oso**
What's with that tanktop?!
Your face is on it!
**[08:38] Oso**
That's so painful!
**[08:39] Kara**
Why are you in pain?!
**[08:40] Oso**
Take off the sunglasses, too.
**[08:43] Oso**
Color contacts?! Save me, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[08:46] Oso**
It hurts so bad!
**[08:48] Oso**
I broke my rib...
**[08:51] Kara**
No matter what I do, I hurt people.
I'm a sinful man. A guilt guy!
**[08:53] Oso**
Ow, ow, ow... Karamatsu's
painfulness is pretty reliable.
**[08:55] Kara**
I'm trapped on all sides.
Eight-side shut-out!
**[08:58] Kara**
I'm doomed to live a life of only loneliness.
**[08:58] Toto**
He totally makes you want to punch him.
**[09:01] Oso**
Totoko-chan?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[09:07] Guy**
Matsuno Choromatsu-san?
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "Let's Get a Job"
**[09:09] Choro**
Yes!
**[09:10] Choro**
This is my agenda for today.
***SIGN*** Places I Want to Work
**[09:12] Choro**
Honestly, social security is a must,
with a milestone of 200,000 fixed
**[09:16] Choro**
and committed per month.
**[09:17] Choro**
What do you think?
**[09:18] Guy**
You're annoying.
***SIGN*** From Episode 3: "Tidbits Collection"
**[09:21] Todo**
*It's no use. I can't think of anything good.*
**[09:25] Todo**
*If I keep it, my brothers will...*
**[09:30] Cop**
Evening!
**[09:32] Cop**
What might you be doing out
here at this hour, sir?
**[09:36] Todo**
Oh, uh, I'm just out for a walk.
**[09:38] Cop**
A walk? But it's midnight.
**[09:42] Todo**
*It's already that late?*
**[09:45] Todo**
I'll go home now.
Thank you for your hard work.
**[09:48] Cop**
Hold it.
**[09:49] Todo**
Wha—
**[09:49] Cop**
You're a bit suspicious.
**[09:51] Todo**
Huh?
**[09:52] Cop**
Why don't you show us what's inside that bag?
**[09:55] Todo**
Why would I have to do that?
**[09:56] Cop**
It's not as if we're suspecting
you of anything...
**[10:00] Cop**
But there seems to be a guy around here...
**[10:03] Cop**
A scumbag who won big at pachinko,
but wants to keep it from his older brothers.
**[10:10] Todo**
*Choromatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan?!*
**[10:12] Todo**
*They already hunted me down?!*
***SIGN*** Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
**[10:15] Guy**
Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
***SIGN*** The Super-Skilled Older Brothers Ask For Their Share "Why Are You Trying So Hard To Hide It?!"
**[10:19] Todo**
Yay!
**[10:19] Choro**
*Crap... They keep passing one by one.*
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[10:22] Choro**
*I need to hurry up and think
of some kind of appeal.*
**[10:25] Mom**
I think that's about it.
**[10:27] Choro**
What?! It's over?!
**[10:28] Mom**
I've taken in three.
**[10:31] Mom**
The rest of you should talk to your father.
**[10:33] Choro**
*What?! There's no way I can live with these two!*
**[10:37] Choro**
W-Wait a sec, Mom!
**[10:40] Choro**
Think about this rationally.
**[10:42] Chro**
Who would you be happiest living with?
**[10:45] Oso**
Hey! The interview's over!
**[10:47] Todo**
You're being pathetic!
**[10:49] Choro**
I'm the safest bet out of the six of us.
**[10:52] Choro**
I have the best chance of finding a job,
and I'll probably get married.
**[10:55] Oso**
Getting married has nothing
to do with anything.
**[10:57] Todo**
Don't change the subject!
**[10:59] Choro**
But it does! Because if I get married...
**[11:02] Choro**
I'll give you a grandchild, Mom.
**[11:06] Oso**
Hey, you're playing dirty! He's cheating!
**[11:08] Todo**
Using a grandchild isn't fair, you filthy bastard!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:10] Oso**
Wait... Mom?!
**[11:11] Oso**
Don't let him trick you!
**[11:13] Oso**
We can give you grandchildren, too!
**[11:15] Todo**
Yeah!
**[11:17] Mom**
Who's the horniest?
**[11:19] Oso**
What are you asking us, Mom?!
**[11:20] Todo**
She's completely lost her senses.
**[11:20] Mom**
A grandchild... Grandchild... Grandchild...
**[11:22] Todo**
Bastard! How dare you mess with Mom's mind?!
**[11:27] Choro**
Looks like grandchildren are
alluring to parents after all!
**[11:30] Oso**
Damn it! We were so close!
**[11:32] Oso**
That was completely under the radar.
**[11:34] Todo**
Who would've thought of a grandkid?
**[11:36] Choro**
You won't take the position of dependent!
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Four"
**[11:38] Oso**
Why are there four?!
**[11:40] Choro**
How do we split this?
**[11:42] Choro**
*This number has always brought
misfortune to us sextuplets.*
***SIGN*** The Sharing Situation Between Sextuplets
That Even An Only Child Can Understand
**[11:45] Choro**
*With one or two, there aren't enough anyway,
so we could just do rock-paper-scissors.*
**[11:49] Choro**
*If there are five, though,*
**[11:50] Choro**
*the odds of losing are lower,
so it's rock-paper-scissors again.*
**[11:54] Choro**
*If there are three, it's peaceful.
We just split them in half and make them six.*
**[11:57] Choro**
*But the reality we are facing today is...*
**[12:01] Six**
Four!
**[12:02] Oso**
The number that's our mortal
enemy... The devil's number!
**[12:03] Kara**
I sense a war coming...
**[12:04] Blah**
We're finished.
**[12:05] Jyu**
What are we going to do?
**[12:06] Todo**
Who even brought us this many? Was it Mom?
**[12:08] Choro**
Hey, what good would it do to
find out why there are four?
**[12:10] Oso**
Man... This guy trying to act like
he's all proper is so annoying.
**[12:11] Choro**
Even if we find that out,
we're still left with four,
**[12:13] Choro**
you fool!
**[12:15] Toto**
He might show his true self in the second cour.
**[12:17] Todo**
Sorry...
**[12:18] Choro**
No, I'm sorry...
**[12:18] Oso**
And so, it's time for a break!
**[12:20] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
**[12:28] Choro**
*He's making his move! The joker that none
of us can read is finally making his move!*
**[12:33] Ichi**
I don't actually feel the
need to live with you,
**[12:36] Ichi**
but who knows what I'll do without
anyone keeping an eye on me?
**[12:41] Ichi**
You sure you're okay setting me free?
**[12:44] Ichi**
What if one of your sons turns into a criminal?
**[12:49] Mom**
Y-You pass. Let's live together.
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[12:57] Todo**
What the hell are you trying to do?!
**[13:06] ---**
Hey!
**[13:07] ---**
Hey!
**[13:09] ---**
Hey!
***SIGN*** From Episode 11: "Christmas Osomatsu-san"
**[13:23] Guy**
Um...
**[13:23] Ichi**
You on a date?
**[13:24] Guy**
Pardon?
**[13:25] Ichi**
Are you on a date?
**[13:28] Guy**
Yes...
**[13:28] Ichi**
I see.
**[13:40] Guy**
Um—
**[13:41] Ichi**
You two look good together.
**[13:43] Guy**
Huh? Oh.
**[13:45] Both**
Thank you.
**[13:58] Ichi**
You dumbass, I'll kill you.
**[14:05] Ichi**
And? What are your plans after this?
**[14:07] Guy**
Huh? Um... We haven't really decided.
**[14:10] Ichi**
Going home, then?
**[14:13] Guy**
What should we do?
**[14:15] Girl**
I'm not sure.
**[14:17] Guy**
Is it almost time for the last train?
**[14:19] Girl**
Yeah.
**[14:20] Guy**
Do you have to get up early tomorrow?
**[14:22] Girl**
No, I have the day off.
**[14:24] Guy**
Oh, I see...
**[14:31] Oso**
Oh, crap!
**[14:32] Guy**
Wanna spend the ni—
**[14:32] Oso**
Being reminded that I've got a
dangerous guy like this as a brother
**[14:33] Girl**
What in the world?!
**[14:35] Guy**
Spontaneous human combustion!
**[14:36] Oso**
really freaks me out.
**[14:37] Toto**
I can sort of relate to him, though.
**[14:39] Oso**
Seriously?!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
***SIGN*** From Episode 5: "ESP Kitty"
**[14:54] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[14:59] Ichi**
M-Maybe I do wanna know...
**[15:02] Ichi**
What he's really feeling.
**[15:05] Deka**
All right, then. Stick out your bum.
**[15:07] Ichi**
Huh? Why my ass?
**[15:09] Deka**
Well, because this medicine...
**[15:11] Deka**
is administered via injection.
**[15:17] Ichi**
Let go of me! I'm going
to kill you, Jyushimatsu!
**[15:20] Jyu**
I've never heard you yell
so loud, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:23] Ichi**
You're scaring me! How can
you sound so unconcerned?!
**[15:26] Deka**
All right, here we go.
**[15:28] Ichi**
I can't do this!
**[15:29] Deka**
Come on, now. You're an adult.
**[15:31] Ichi**
That's got nothing to do with this!
Shots are hell, no matter how old you are!
**[15:32] Deka**
This will hurt, so relax your muscles.
**[15:35] Ichi**
No!
**[15:44] Dasu**
Oh, my.
***SIGN*** From Episode 9: "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
**[15:52] Oso**
Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
**[15:55] Jyu**
Morning on the 4, 6, 3...
**[15:58] Jyu**
Double play!
**[15:59] Oso**
You're so hyper first thing in the morning.
**[16:09] Jyu**
Thanks for the meal, tag up!
**[16:14] Choro**
He's so noisy first thing in the morning...
**[16:15] Jyu**
1,285...
**[16:17] Jyu**
1,286, 1,287!
**[16:21] Jyu**
All right! I can still go!
**[16:24] Ichi**
I'm gonna die...
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[16:25] Jyu**
Here I go! Muscle, muscle!
**[16:27] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[16:29] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[16:32] Jyu**
I'm home, muscle!
**[16:34] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[16:37] Jyu**
Muscle, mus—
**[16:46] Oso**
What the hell, Jyushimatsu?
He hasn't even done anything that bad.
**[16:47] Jyu**
Thank you, king-sized game-winning homer!
***SIGN*** Men's
**[16:50] Oso**
He's totally not being fair.
**[16:51] Toto**
I look forward to seeing him in the second cour.
**[16:56] Oso**
*This is Jyushimatsu.*
**[16:58] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** From Episode 2: "The Melancholy of Osomatsu"
**[17:05] ---**
Huh?
**[17:06] Oso**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[17:08] Oso**
What, are you on a date?
**[17:10] Oso**
Perfect timing. Let me join in!
**[17:12] Oso**
I've been so bored today. Choromatsu
and Karamatsu are so mean.
**[17:15] Oso**
They won't acknowledge me at all.
**[17:17] Todo**
I'm sorry. Who are you?
**[17:19] Girl**
Do you know him?
**[17:20] Todo**
Who?
**[17:21] Girl**
The guy just now.
**[17:22] Todo**
Huh? Did I just talk to someone?
**[17:24] Girl**
But he did look like you.
**[17:25] Todo**
No idea.
**[17:26] Oso**
Cold... So cold.
***SIGN*** From Episode 4: "Let's Become Independent"
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Dependents Selection Interview Hall
**[17:30] Mom**
We will now begin the Matsuno Family
Dependents Selection Interviews.
**[17:35] Mom**
Those who pass this interview will
become one of my dependents.
***SIGN*** HR
**[17:40] Mom**
All of you make sure to show off
what fine sons you are.
***SIGN*** Please Be Quiet
**[17:43] Mom**
It's a pleasure having you all.
**[17:45] All**
Thanks for having us.
**[17:47] Choro**
*What's with this messed-up atmosphere?*
**[17:48] Choro**
*Family Dependents Selection Interview?*
**[17:51] Mom**
So who'd like to show their appeal first?
**[17:52] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[17:54] Choro**
*Holy crap! It's a shameless
battle between brothers!*
**[17:54] Boys**
Me! Me! Me!
**[17:58] Todo**
Excuse me!
**[18:00] Todo**
Before we start the interview,
can I say just one thing?
**[18:03] Mom**
Um... The youngest brother, Todomatsu-san?
**[18:07] Choro**
* Uh, you know who he is!*
* What the hell are those papers?*
**[18:10] Todo**
I'd like to withdraw from this interview.
**[18:12] All**
What?!
**[18:13] Mom**
What do you mean?
**[18:15] Todo**
I can't help but think there's
something wrong with this.
**[18:18] Todo**
For us brothers go as far as
fighting to have you support us...
**[18:22] Todo**
It's really sad that you're divorcing,
**[18:25] Todo**
but it's a chance for us
to become independent.
**[18:28] Todo**
Thanks for everything you've done, Mom.
**[18:30] Todo**
I'll try living on my own. Bye.
**[18:33] Mom**
Wait.
**[18:36] Mom**
You pass.
**[18:37] Todo**
Yay! Woohoo!
**[18:39] Todo**
I made it first!
***SIGN*** Dependents
***SIGN*** Reserves
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[18:42] All**
*He... He got us!*
***SIGN*** From Episode 5: "ESP Kitty"
**[18:46] Todo**
Choromatsu is funny.
**[18:47] Cat**
Choromatsu is super boring.
**[18:49] Choro**
Hey...
**[18:50] Oso**
Choromatsu is smart.
**[18:51] Cat**
Choromatsu is super dumb.
**[18:53] Todo**
Choromatsu is popular.
**[18:54] Cat**
Choromatsu is a stupid virgin.
**[18:56] Todo**
That's awesome! Perfect!
**[19:00] Choro**
Bullying? Is this bullying?
**[19:02] Oso**
You're incredible!
**[19:04] Oso**
You're an ESP kitty!
**[19:07] Todo**
But I'm worried...
**[19:09] Todo**
Someone could use him for evil.
**[19:11] Todo**
Let's keep him here.
**[19:12] Cat**
This cat's gonna be worth some money.
**[19:15] Todo**
Th-There'd be trouble if the
press found out about him.
**[19:18] Cat**
There's always the circus.
**[19:20] Todo**
We have to take good care of
Ichimatsu-niisan's good friend.
**[19:22] Cat**
Get rich quick!
**[19:24] Choro**
You dried-up monster... Everything
you thought just came out.
**[19:29] Oso**
So I guess no one can lie in front of him.
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[19:33] Choro**
Wait, you're working here, Todomatsu?
***SIGN*** From Episode 7: "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
**[19:35] Todo**
It doesn't matter, just go home! Please go home!
**[19:38] Choro**
Hey, stop! What's gotten into you?!
**[19:39] Todo**
Please!
**[19:41] Oso**
What? We're not allowed to go in?
**[19:44] Todo**
No.
**[19:44] Oso**
Why?
**[19:48] Todo**
Fine. I'll tell you the truth.
**[19:53] Todo**
I'm embarrassed by you guys.
**[19:57] Todo**
Look around you. This is Sutabaa.
**[19:59] Todo**
You're as different as chalk and
cheese to these celestial beings!
**[20:03] Todo**
No... More like as different as angels and crap.
**[20:05] Todo**
I finally obtained some status by working here.
**[20:08] Todo**
If they find out I have crap for
brothers, it will all be for nothing.
**[20:12] Todo**
Sorry...
**[20:14] Todo**
I really didn't want to say that.
**[20:15] Choro**
Then don't! We almost died!
**[20:19] Both**
What?!
**[20:21] Aida**
You're sextuplets?!
**[20:23] Sachi**
That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
**[20:25] Oso**
I-Is it that uncommon?
Want to take a picture with us?
**[20:29] Both**
No thanks!
**[20:33] Choro**
*W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.*
**[20:37] Choro**
* Their bodies are glowing with*
* the light called confidence.*
**[20:42] Choro**
*And then there's him...*
**[20:43] Choro**
*Look at those eyes!*
**[20:45] Aida**
Wow, I'm so surprised!
**[20:47] Sachi**
Jeez, why didn't you tell us?
**[20:50] Todo**
Sorry. I was sure I'd already told you guys.
**[20:54] Oso**
So, hey, hey, hey...
**[20:54] Choro**
* There are two of him... There are*
* two personalities inside him!*
**[20:55] Sachi**
Oh, Osomatsu-san, was it?
**[21:02] Choro**
Wait. Why'd we get this table?
**[21:06] Choro**
There are plenty of others open.
**[21:10] Choro**
That dried-up monster...
He's totally trying to cut us off.
**[21:14] Oso**
When did he start working so hard?
**[21:17] Oso**
To think that there's such a gap between us...
**[21:19] Jyu**
So sweet! Have a bite, Nii-san.
**[21:22] Ichi**
Sweet! I ain't never had a
Western confectionery like this.
**[21:24] Jyu**
It ain't "Western confectionery."
They're called sweets nowadays!
**[21:27] Ichi**
S-S-Sweets!
**[21:29] Choro**
Uh, what are you guys doing?
**[21:29] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[21:30] Ichi**
For real?
**[21:31] Aida**
Hey, what are you doing over here?
**[21:34] Todo**
What happened?! Was there a
cockroach in the bathroom?!
**[21:45] Jyu**
Th-The city's a scary place!
**[21:47] Ichi**
We're gon' die.
**[21:48] Choro**
That's enough of that!
**[21:51] Sachi**
Oh, hey. About the mixer we
were talking about earlier...
**[21:55] Five**
*M-Mixer?!*
**[21:55] Oso**
Man... Totty's shadiness is intense.
**[21:57] Sachi**
Totty, do you think you
could invite some friends?
**[21:59] Toto**
More importantly...
**[21:59] Five**
*Totty?!*
**[22:01] Oso**
Huh?
**[22:01] Sachi**
Ask around at your university.
**[22:01] Toto**
Why were you all fawning
over those Sutabaa baristas?
**[22:02] Five**
*University?!*
**[22:04] Toto**
What's the idea?
You think they're cuter than me?
**[22:05] Todo**
Um, I'll talk to you guys about that later.
**[22:07] Oso**
Oh, um... That was, uh...
**[22:07] Aida**
Totty, you go to Keio, right?
**[22:10] Sachi**
Get some good people to come.
We'll be looking forward to it.
**[22:11] Toto**
I hate you. Hmph!
**[22:11] Todo**
Yeah, okay...
**[22:14] Oso**
A-After this, we'll announce the results...
***SIGN*** Losermatsu-san (Not Finalized)
Results
**[22:22] Oso**
This is Osomatsu.
**[22:23] Toto**
And Totoko!
**[22:25] Oso**
Now, we'll be announcing which of us sextuplets
is the biggest loser, the Losermatsu-san!
**[22:33] Toto**
Yay!
**[22:35] Oso**
Oh, looks like the results
are in. Who could it be?
**[22:40] Toto**
Who is it? Who is it?
**[22:42] Oso**
The biggest Losermatsu out of the sextuplets is...
***SIGN*** All of You Suck
**[22:46] Oso**
What?! All of us?!
**[22:50] Oso**
What the hell? Why am I in there, too?!
**[22:53] Toto**
Why am I in there? I'm not a sextuplet!
**[22:57] Oso**
Seriously, I'm way better
than Choromatsu or Todomatsu.
**[23:02] Toto**
More importantly, I'm the
insanely popular heroine.
**[23:06] Oso**
The hell is this?
**[23:07] Toto**
The hell is this?
**[23:11] Oso**
We finished?
**[23:13] Toto**
Yeah, let's finish.
**[23:14] Oso**
Yeah, well, this was Losermatsu-san.
Thanks for watching.
**[23:18] Oso**
We'll continue to be super serious about
making something super wonderful,
**[23:23] Oso**
so yeah, keep watching.
**[23:24] Toto**
Yeah.
**[23:26] Oso**
Well, goodnight.
**[23:28] Toto**
Night.
**[23:30] Oso**
I hope you have freaky dreams, dumbasses.
**[23:32] Toto**
Dumbass! Dumbass!
# E12.5 - The "Osomatsu-san" Year-End Special!
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR09GWP2R/the-osomatsu-san-year-end-special)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Saku**
It has begun! The "Osomatsu-san" Year-End Special!
**[00:04] Saku**
I'm Sakurai Takahiro, who plays the oldest
brother of the Matsuno family, Osomatsu.
**[00:07] Naka**
I'm Nakamura Yuuichi, who plays
the second brother, Karamatsu.
**[00:09] Kami**
I'm Kamiya Hiroshi, who plays
the third brother, Choromatsu.
**[00:12] Saku**
So, since this is the Year-End Special,
**[00:15] Saku**
we'll be watching the episode with you
and saying what we think about it
**[00:20] Saku**
as a supplemental audio track
in this bonus project.
**[00:23] Naka**
Right...
**[00:23] Kami**
What kind of project is this?
I've never really done this before.
**[00:26] Naka**
Same here.
**[00:27] Saku**
Yeah.
**[00:28] Kami**
I mean, this is going on the broadcast, right?
**[00:28] Naka**
So it's not for a disc release, but for broadcast?
**[00:30] Kami**
Apparently.
**[00:30] Saku**
Right.
**[00:31] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:31] Naka**
So people are being forced
to listen to this at home?
**[00:36] Saku**
Uh, please don't get any weird
expectations about this.
**[00:38] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:38] Naka**
Yeah.
**[00:39] Saku**
We'll be talking within some rules, so...
**[00:41] Kami**
Yeah.
**[00:42] Naka**
There won't be many behind-the-scenes
stories you can only hear here.
**[00:44] Saku**
Nah, not really.
**[00:45] Kami**
But I wonder how people will take this.
**[00:47] Kami**
If someone who doesn't know us hears this...
**[00:49] Kami**
I mean, if you hear just the voices,
it's the characters talking.
**[00:51] Kami**
We don't really alter our voices much on this show.
**[00:52] Saku**
Yeah, we really don't.
**[00:54] Naka**
Yeah.
**[00:55] Kami**
So I bet people will be like,
"Huh? What are they talking about?"
**[00:58] Sakura**
Well... I mean, "Osomatsu-san" is already...
**[01:02] Naka**
Yeah.
**[01:02] Saku**
...sort of a trend.
**[01:03] Kami**
Right?
**[01:04] Naka**
It is.
**[01:04] Saku**
So people should enjoy this, too.
**[01:05] Kami**
I guess, maybe.
**[01:07] Naka**
Well, they should.
**[01:07] Kami**
I wonder if we're going to come across okay.
**[01:09] Saku**
Well, let's do this thing!
**[01:12] Naka**
I guess we can give it a shot.
**[01:13] Saku**
Yeah, let's give it a shot.
**[01:13] Naka**
Let's do it.
**[01:15] Saku**
Let's see what we can do.
**[01:16] Kami**
Yeah.
**[01:17] Saku**
What can we even do at this point?
**[01:19] Kami**
What *can* we do?
**[01:20] Saku**
Yeah...
**[01:21] Kami**
Well, let's just do some stuff.
**[01:22] Saku**
Yeah. So we'll be talking about various things.
**[01:23] Kami**
Yeah.
**[01:23] Naka**
Yeah.
**[01:25] Saku**
Stay tuned and watch!
**[01:25] Kami**
Yes!
**[01:26] Naka**
Stay tuned.
**[01:27] Naka**
And so, I think we'll see the sponsors after this.
**[01:30] Kami**
What a surprise.
**[01:30] Saku**
Yup.
**[01:30] Naka**
There they are!
**[01:31] Kami**
Wow, awesome. Thanks for taking care of us!
**[01:33] Naka**
Thank you very much!
**[01:34] Saku**
Keep taking care of us!
**[01:34] Kami**
You're awesome!
**[01:35] Naka**
Thanks for the meal!
**[01:36] Saku**
I love you!
**[01:36] Kami**
I really love you! With all my heart!
**[01:41] Saku**
Right, well, are you ready?
This is the Year-End Special.
**[01:43] Kami**
Yup.
**[01:44] Saku**
So, um... The narration here is going to say
**[01:47] Saku**
that we're going to talk about
who's the worst sextuplet.
**[01:51] Kami**
Whoa, what?
**[01:51] Saku**
I'll be saying it.
**[01:52] Naka**
So you already did it.
**[01:52] Saku**
I've already gone and said it.
**[01:53] Naka**
You already did it.
**[01:54] Saku**
Yeah, I already said all this.
**[01:56] Naka**
Your conversation with Totoko.
**[01:56] Kami**
What kind of show is this?
**[01:57] Saku**
And, um, if we're not careful...
**[02:00] Saku**
And in my case, especially...
**[02:02] Saku**
There might be moments where it sounds
like there are three of me talking.
**[02:06] Kami**
Oh, I get it.
**[02:07] Saku**
Yes.
**[02:07] Kami**
The actual episode, and this track.
**[02:09] ---**
Yeah.
**[02:09] ---**
The intro narration and...
**[02:10] Saku**
Oh! This is it, right here!
**[02:11] Naka**
You started talking.
**[02:12] Kami**
Yeah, he did.
**[02:13] Saku**
Yeah.
**[02:15] Saku**
Well...
**[02:17] Naka**
I don't know what to say.
**[02:18] Saku**
Yeah... I don't even know.
**[02:21] Naka**
This feels really weird.
**[02:22] Saku**
This is hard for me...
**[02:24] Naka**
This is really hard to do.
**[02:25] Kami**
I'm sure it is.
**[02:25] Kami**
Yeah.
**[02:26] Kami**
But Totoko's cute.
**[02:28] Saku**
Ah, I knew you'd go there.
**[02:29] Kami**
Yeah. I love Totoko.
**[02:30] Naka**
I see. You love her, huh?
**[02:32] Kami**
Yeah. Well, she's a bit full of herself,
so that's kind of off-putting, but...
**[02:36] Saku**
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
**[02:37] Kami**
But once you get to that point,
it's actually refreshing.
**[02:38] Naka**
There aren't many girls as honest as her.
**[02:40] Kami**
I don't think there are.
**[02:41] Naka**
She doesn't dress up.
**[02:42] Kami**
Yeah.
**[02:43] Saku**
She does, but it's in a different way.
**[02:44] Kami**
I mean, when she does dress up,
it's as a crustacean.
**[02:46] Saku**
Yeah.
**[02:47] Kami**
I loved the mantis shrimp.
**[02:49] Saku**
That was cute.
**[02:50] Naka**
Though we totally ignored her.
**[02:50] Kami**
Yeah, it was.
**[02:51] Kami**
Yeah, we completely ignored her.
**[02:52] Naka**
We totally ignored her,
so she did a body blow on us.
**[02:55] Kami**
I loved the echo there.
**[02:57] Naka**
Ah, her "Sei!"
**[02:58] Kami**
"Sei!"
**[02:59] Saku**
Oh, if we keep talking about little
things like this, time will fly by.
**[03:02] Kami**
Yeah, I'm sure it will.
**[03:02] Naka**
It'll go by fast.
**[03:02] Saku**
Our part.
**[03:04] Naka**
All right.
**[03:05] Kami**
Well, we're only here for part A.
**[03:06] Saku**
That's right.
**[03:07] Kami**
Part B will be after this.
**[03:07] Naka**
Part B will be those guys.
**[03:09] Saku**
Those three idiots.
**[03:09] Kami**
Yeah, the fourth brother onwards...
**[03:10] Naka**
They're a bunch of problem children.
**[03:12] Saku**
The latter half will be rough.
**[03:13] Kami**
Yeah, it definitely will be.
**[03:14] Kami**
There's no one to keep them in line.
**[03:15] Saku**
Right.
**[03:16] Naka**
Yeah... Todomatsu tries to act like he's
running things, but he's pretty messed up.
**[03:21] Kami**
You know, he seriously needs to
stop laughing during our takes.
**[03:25] Naka**
You're talking about the person inside, right?
**[03:27] Kami**
What's wrong with him? Seriously.
**[03:27] Saku**
He really shouldn't do that.
**[03:29] Naka**
Like "Pfft."
**[03:30] Kami**
Yeah. He just keeps laughing faintly.
**[03:32] Saku**
He probably thinks we can't hear him.
**[03:35] Kami**
Of course we can hear him!
I can't help but notice it!
**[03:37] Naka**
He thinks it's not audible.
**[03:37] Saku**
Yeah. He thinks it's fine as long as it's quiet.
**[03:40] Naka**
I see.
**[03:42] Saku**
He should be more careful.
**[03:43] Naka**
You! You, be more careful!
**[03:44] Kami**
He's totally nodding.
**[03:46] Saku**
So, what do you guys think?
**[03:48] Kami**
About what?
**[03:48] Saku**
The response to "Osomatsu-san."
**[03:52] Naka**
The response, huh?
**[03:53] Saku**
Do you think there has been any?
**[03:54] Naka**
Of course.
**[03:55] Kkami**
Yeah.
**[03:55] Naka**
Actually, there's been quite
a bit, both good and bad.
**[03:59] Naka**
I get told, "I've been watching the show,"
when I'm at my other, cleaner shows.
**[04:03] Saku**
Do you?
**[04:04] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:04] Kami**
I do, too.
**[04:05] Saku**
There was one staff person who really
wanted to tell me something...
**[04:08] Naka**
Wanted to?
**[04:09] Saku**
So they said, "I've been watching Osomatsu-san!"
As if it was a love confession.
**[04:12] Saku**
Like, "I was finally able to say it!"
**[04:14] Naka**
"I was dying to say that!"
**[04:15] Saku**
There've actually been people like that.
**[04:16] Kami**
Seriously, though, it's hard to believe.
Ever since we've been on air...
**[04:21] Saku**
Yeah.
**[04:22] Kami**
Every single day, someone
brings it up in conversation.
**[04:26] Saku**
Oh, wow.
**[04:26] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:27] Kami**
I've never been involved
with an anime like this.
**[04:31] Naka**
Yeah.
**[04:31] Saku**
I probably haven't, either.
**[04:32] Naka**
True.
**[04:33] Saku**
I think it's the first time there's been this much.
**[04:34] Kami**
I mean, I've worked on shows with huge responses.
**[04:36] Saku**
I have, too.
**[04:36] Kami**
But it wasn't brought up every day, right?
**[04:38] Saku**
Yeah, it might actually be every day.
**[04:40] Kami**
It is!
**[04:41] Saku**
Yeah, it's amazing.
**[04:43] Naka**
Like, on a show where there
are a lot of hot guys,
**[04:50] Saku**
Yeah.
**[04:51] Naka**
voice actresses don't usually say,
"Oh, I like this character."
**[04:54] Naka**
Even if they think it.
**[04:55] Saku**
Oh, right.
**[04:56] Naka**
They don't usually say it,
but for "Osomatsu," they do.
**[04:59] Saku**
Yeah, they probably feel like
they can say something.
**[05:01] Naka**
I mean, there aren't any hot guys.
**[05:04] Saku**
You're right.
**[05:04] Kami**
Yeah, true.
**[05:05] Saku**
There aren't.
**[05:06] Naka**
So they said the heart-warming relationship
**[05:08] Naka**
between the characters is sort of nice.
**[05:10] Kami**
That's how it works?
**[05:11] Naka**
I was like, "Oh, I see."
**[05:13] Saku**
So, in this special, this Year-End Special,
**[05:17] Saku**
we'll take a look at just who these guys are.
**[05:20] Naka**
Right.
**[05:20] Saku**
Like, "Are these guys okay?"
and "This is how they are."
**[05:21] Kami**
So a little review. Yeah, let's do it.
**[05:23] Saku**
Yeah. Let's reflect on all this...
**[05:24] Naka**
Are these guys really okay like this?
**[05:25] Saku**
Are you guys really okay?
**[05:26] Naka**
That's what this is, huh?
**[05:27] Saku**
Yep.
**[05:27] Kami**
This is pretty bad. It's all bleeped out.
**[05:30] Saku**
It's all bleeps.
**[05:30] Kami**
Yeah...
**[05:32] Naka**
This is episode two, but it was
the first episode we recorded.
**[05:36] Saku**
Yeah.
**[05:36] Kami**
Yeah, it was.
**[05:37] Saku**
Right.
**[05:37] Naka**
It was the first one, so we couldn't help
but think, "This is how this starts..."
**[05:41] Naka**
This is how this starts...
**[05:42] Saku**
This is how this starts, yes.
**[05:43] Kami**
It starts off full blast.
**[05:48] Kami**
It felt like we were being tested when
we were brought into the studio.
**[05:50] Saku**
I feel a little pressure every time... I mean...
**[05:55] Kami**
Yeah.
**[05:55] Saku**
Comedy's hard, isn't it?
**[05:56] Kami**
It is. Jokes are really hard.
**[05:58] Saku**
I mean, in my opinion, you two are hilarious.
**[06:01] Naka**
Well, in Karamatsu's case, just him
being on screen is funny.
**[06:04] Saku**
No, no...
**[06:05] Naka**
The visual itself is funny.
**[06:06] Saku**
The visual is weird!
**[06:07] Naka**
Hang on a second. Hey!
We told you to be quiet!
**[06:11] Naka**
Sorry about that. I don't think
the mic caught him, but...
**[06:14] Saku**
Yeah.
**[06:14] Naka**
There was a guy giggling in here.
**[06:15] Saku**
Yes, indeed there was.
**[06:17] Kami**
But I mean, we're all seasoned professionals
**[06:19] Kami**
who have been on various shows,
and that's why we were gathered here.
**[06:24] Saku**
Well, I hope that's the case...
**[06:25] Kami**
So you can really tell that
everyone's hyped to do this.
**[06:31] Saku**
It's scary!
**[06:31] Kami**
Seriously.
**[06:32] Saku**
Everyone looks so serious.
**[06:33] Kami**
Yeah, we do.
**[06:34] Saku**
A bit, yeah.
**[06:34] Kami**
Yeah.
**[06:36] Naka**
Not to mention, ever since Ono-san realized
that the audience is liking Jyushimatsu,
**[06:41] Naka**
he's been super annoying.
**[06:43] Saku**
Yeah, he is.
**[06:45] Naka**
He keeps ad-libbing.
**[06:47] Saku**
It's full of flavor now.
**[06:48] Naka**
Yeah, it can't really get much fuller.
**[06:51] ---**
It really can't.
**[06:53] Kami**
So you guys realized that.
**[06:54] Naka**
Yeah. It's like he's trying to
get every last drop of flavor.
**[06:56] Kami**
Yeah.
**[06:57] Saku**
He thinks there's still flavor there.
**[06:58] Naka**
Like he thinks there's still
something left to chew.
**[07:01] Kami**
When that happens, he starts
to get more and more boring,
**[07:04] Kami**
so please be careful.
**[07:06] Naka**
That's why I laugh every time his
ad-libs get cut from the broadcast.
**[07:09] Naka**
Oh, that's great!
**[07:09] Kami**
Right.
**[07:10] Naka**
It's another way of enjoying it.
**[07:11] Sakura**
Something only we'd understand.
**[07:12] Naka**
Exactly.
**[07:12] Naka**
Like, "Oh, Ono-san tried really
hard here, and it all got cut."
**[07:14] Saku**
That whole part was cut. That was a blast.
**[07:17] Naka**
It was a blast!
**[07:18] Saku**
Yes, it was.
**[07:18] Naka**
Yes.
**[07:19] Kami**
You guys should tell him that in person.
**[07:21] Naka**
Oh, should we?
**[07:21] Kami**
You need to make him realize it,
or he'll just get more and more boring.
**[07:26] Kami**
Seriously...
**[07:27] Saku**
It's better when you're not trying.
**[07:28] Kami**
A strikeout or home run would be fine,
but he just keeps trying to hit!
**[07:30] ---**
Oh! I get it!
**[07:32] Saku**
That's a good metaphor.
**[07:33] Kami**
Yeah.
**[07:34] Naka**
Iwaki is enough for you.
**[07:35] Naka**
That's right.
**[07:37] Kami**
A home run now and then is enough.
**[07:38] Saku**
Yeah, home runs and strikeouts can both be funny.
**[07:41] Saku**
Exactly.
**[07:42] Kami**
He just keeps going for hits, and then...
**[07:45] Naka**
We're in charge of the hits.
**[07:47] Kami**
Exactly.
**[07:48] Sakku**
Right. Nobody is really hoping...
**[07:51] Kami**
...for Ono Daisuke to get a clean hit.
**[07:53] Both**
Yeah.
**[07:55] Naka**
Seriously, that's how it is.
**[07:59] Saku**
But as we're working on
this show, I still feel like
**[08:03] Saku**
I keep finding out new
things about everyone.
**[08:07] Saku**
About the cast, I mean.
**[08:07] Naka**
Yeah.
**[08:08] Kami**
Though we've all known each
other for quite a while.
**[08:11] Saku**
Yeah, but there's that freshness
to it, so I'm really having fun.
**[08:13] Both**
Yeah.
**[08:14] Saku**
To be honest, I'm just like Miyu,
and trying to hold in my laughter.
**[08:18] Naka**
Oh, really?
**[08:19] Sakku**
I'm actually able to hold it in.
**[08:20] Naka**
You're able to...
**[08:21] Saku**
I am, at least.
**[08:22] Naka**
So it's just Irino-kun and me
who can't hold it in.
**[08:23] Saku**
Exactly. You actually...
**[08:25] Naka**
To be honest, I wish I could
record this show alone.
**[08:29] Naka**
I'd like to go home without laughing.
**[08:29] Kami**
You always laugh, too, Nakamura-kun.
**[08:31] Naka**
Yeah.
**[08:32] Kami**
I wish you'd stop laughing at your own lines.
**[08:34] Saku**
Yeah.
**[08:35] Naka**
I can't help but think, "Wow,
I'm saying something really dumb."
**[08:37] Saku**
Must be nice.
**[08:38] Naka**
It just hits me sometimes. It's really hard.
**[08:40] Saku**
Yeah, it is.
**[08:41] Kami**
Sometimes being quiet just makes it worse.
**[08:42] Naka**
Also, the atmosphere in our studio is really bad.
**[08:45] Kami**
Yeah.
**[08:46] Naka**
It's a terrible atmosphere!
**[08:47] Saku**
It's so bad!
**[08:48] Naka**
Everyone tries to get you to laugh.
**[08:50] Saku**
That's true.
**[08:51] Naka**
It's true, right?
**[08:51] Saku**
Yeah.
**[08:52] Naka**
And it just makes me more hyped up.
**[08:53] Saku**
Yeah, I totally understand.
**[08:55] Naka**
So it's hard.
**[08:56] Naka**
There are lines I don't even smirk
at when I read them at home,
**[08:58] Naka**
but then I laugh at them in the studio.
**[09:00] Kami**
Yeah.
**[09:01] Saku**
I mean, we're all beat when recording is over.
**[09:03] Naka**
Yeah.
**[09:04] Saku**
What's with that exhaustion?
**[09:05] Naka**
It's tiring.
**[09:06] Saku**
Yeah.
**[09:07] Saku**
That tanktop is awful.
**[09:09] Naka**
I wonder who made it.
**[09:11] ---**
Maybe he made it himself.
**[09:12] Kami**
He probably ordered it somewhere.
**[09:12] Saku**
Ah...
**[09:13] Naka**
I guess that's better than asking
your mom to make it for you.
**[09:17] Kami**
Well, maybe he did.
**[09:17] Naka**
Like "Mom, could you iron this on for me, Mommy?"
**[09:20] Saku**
It's possible. An iron-on transfer is very possible.
**[09:22] Kami**
I wonder if he did.
**[09:24] Naka**
I had no clue what you were saying here.
**[09:25] Kami**
I didn't, either.
**[09:25] Naka**
Choromatsu's part here.
**[09:26] Kami**
Yeah.
**[09:28] Saku**
He said something about an agenda.
**[09:30] Kami**
I looked it up, but I still didn't get it.
**[09:33] Naka**
Ah, this part is great.
**[09:34] Saku**
Choromatsu's actually not that bad.
I mean, he's sort of the straight man.
**[09:38] Kami**
Yeah, he's known as the straight man.
**[09:40] Saku**
True.
**[09:41] Kami**
That's not really the case, though.
But his introduction was sort of intense.
**[09:44] Saku**
It definitely was.
**[09:44] Naka**
Yeah.
**[09:46] Kami**
But I think, in order to be able
to tell all of our characters apart,
**[09:50] Kami**
it was necessary to give him that role.
**[09:52] Kami**
Though I've gotten used to it lately.
**[09:54] Saku**
You have?
**[09:54] Kami**
Yes.
**[09:55] Kami**
I've got about the same amount
of lines as everyone else now.
**[09:58] Kami**
I'm very thankful for that.
**[09:59] Naka**
***** is coming up now, right?
**[10:02] Kami**
Ah... Right. This is all building up to
something that might happen next year.
**[10:06] Saku**
Yeah.
**[10:06] Naka**
Yeah.
**[10:07] Kami**
So please look forward to it.
**[10:08] Saku**
Yeah, there's, uh... something insane waiting.
**[10:11] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:12] Naka**
Yeah. It's not what we're looking at now,
**[10:14] Naka**
but the episode before this special...
**[10:16] Naka**
The episode before this one
we're commenting on was bad, too.
**[10:19] Saku**
Yes, it was.
**[10:19] Kami**
Ah, yeah.
**[10:21] Kami**
I really wish it would stop.
**[10:22] Naka**
I actually don't know the order anymore.
**[10:26] Kami**
I mean, Todomatsu's "Totty" is fine.
**[10:30] Kami**
That one's just fine... But that
one name is seriously not okay.
**[10:34] Naka**
You think so?
**[10:34] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:35] Naka**
But I'm kind of sad that it hasn't
shown up in the scripts since then.
**[10:38] Saku**
Yeah.
**[10:39] Kami**
That's not okay. I'm being serious, guys.
**[10:42] Naka**
So it'd be better if it was ad-libbed...
**[10:43] Kami**
That name applies to all of
the sextuplets, to be honest.
**[10:48] Naka**
I see.
**[10:49] Saku**
So that's why.
**[10:50] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:51] Naka**
I guess that's true.
**[10:51] Kami**
Yeah.
**[10:52] Naka**
So it's not just him.
**[10:53] Kami**
It's all of them.
**[10:54] Saku**
So it's not like "Totty."
**[10:55] Kami**
Right. That one name applies to all of them...
**[10:59] Kami**
Who knows? They might just say *****...
**[11:01] Kami**
Or *****.
**[11:03] Naka**
Well, once ***** gets added...
**[11:04] Kami**
Yeah, I mean, that might happen...
**[11:06] Naka**
Well, ***** is...
**[11:07] Kami**
Shut up already!
**[11:09] Kamii**
I just didn't want say it myself.
**[11:14] Kami**
Seriously, it's awful.
**[11:15] Sakura**
It's crazy.
**[11:15] Kami**
Yeah.
**[11:17] Saku**
It's like... Huh? Is it time already?
Or do we have a little more?
**[11:20] Kami**
There's still some time.
**[11:20] Saku**
Yeah.
**[11:21] Naka**
We're still okay.
**[11:21] Kami**
About another minute.
**[11:22] Sau**
But I thought it was amazing
**[11:24] Sau**
that they kept using "Totty."
**[11:26] Naka**
It's still coming up.
**[11:27] Kami**
He keeps getting called Totty.
**[11:29] Both**
Yeah.
**[11:30] Saku**
I think everyone's used to it now.
**[11:32] Kami**
Yeah, he's totally Totty now.
**[11:33] Naka**
It sunk in.
**[11:34] Saku**
To the point where the fans
call him "Totty," too.
**[11:36] Naka**
I think they do.
**[11:37] Saku**
Yeah.
**[11:37] Kami**
It was just mean at first.
**[11:38] Kami**
Yeah, it totally was at first.
**[11:40] Naka**
We said it sarcastically as an insult.
**[11:42] Saku**
Exactly.
**[11:43] Naka**
But it's a nickname.
**[11:45] Saku**
Todomatsu is sort of the victim.
**[11:48] Saku**
It seems like he could break free of them, too.
**[11:49] Kami**
But he can't.
**[11:50] Saku**
Nope.
**[11:51] Kami**
Well, his brothers are like demons.
**[11:53] Naka**
They won't let him get away. Not a chance.
**[11:58] Saku**
So lately, among the fans,
there are apparently some people
**[12:02] Saku**
actually researching stuff about the episodes.
**[12:05] Kami**
Oh, really?
**[12:06] Naka**
Like about the characters?
**[12:07] Sakku**
Yeah, apparently they discuss
**[12:08] Sakku**
how an episode might have actually
meant something deeper...
**[12:12] Saku**
At least, that's what I heard from the staff.
**[12:15] Saku**
That's a good trend, though.
**[12:17] Kami**
Well, we're definitely having
a lot of fun with it.
**[12:19] Saku**
Though that's about as deep as it gets for us.
**[12:20] Naka**
Yeah.
**[12:21] Saku**
Right, so now...
**[12:22] Naka**
Yes.
**[12:23] Saku**
I'd like to hand this off to
the members for the latter half.
**[12:24] Naka**
Those guys.
**[12:26] Kami**
So we're passing the baton.
**[12:27] Saku**
Yes.
**[12:27] Kami**
Okay, see you next year.
**[12:28] Saku**
See you.
**[12:28] Naka**
Thanks!
**[12:29] Person**
Break time!
**[12:31] Fuku**
The second half of the Osomatsu-san
Year-End Special starts now!
**[12:35] Fuku**
I'm Fukuyama Jun, who plays the fourth
brother, Ichimatsu, and next is our MC...
**[12:39] Ono**
Oh, I get to be the MC?
**[12:40] Ono**
Uh, I'm Ono Daisuke, who plays the
fifth brother, Jyushimatsu, and...
**[12:43] Iri**
I'm Irino, who plays the
youngest brother, Todomatsu.
**[12:45] Fuku**
Yes, so the second half
will be with us three.
**[12:48] Irino**
Yes.
**[12:48] Fuku**
The three of us will...
**[12:50] Three**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[12:53] Fuku**
And that's the end of the script they provided.
**[12:56] Iri**
Right.
**[12:56] Ono**
So then...
**[12:56] Iri**
Ono-san mentioned that he
wanted to be the MC today.
**[13:02] Ono**
Yeah, let me be the MC.
**[13:03] Fuku**
Right.
**[13:03] Fuku**
The three blockheads in the first part
actually had their crap together.
**[13:06] Iri**
Don't call them blockheads!
**[13:07] Ono**
Just because they're not here...
**[13:08] Irino**
You scared me! What was that?
**[13:10] Ono**
You actually went there,
just because they're not around?
**[13:11] Fuku**
Isn't that something I can say since they're gone?
**[13:13] Fuku**
I can totally say that, right?
**[13:14] Iri**
Yeah.
**[13:15] Ono**
No, you can't.
**[13:15] Fuku**
I can't?
**[13:16] Ono**
Well, we were actually in the
studio for the first part.
**[13:20] Fuku**
Yes, we were.
**[13:21] Ono**
Yes.
**[13:21] Fuku**
Right.
**[13:21] Ono**
We were listening along...
**[13:23] Fuku**
You kept leaking, Ono-kun.
**[13:24] Ono**
Huh?! Wait, what?
**[13:25] Fuku**
You kept leaking.
**[13:26] Ono**
Leaking?
**[13:26] Fuku**
Yup, leaking.
**[13:27] Ono**
Leaking what?
**[13:28] Fuku**
Your thoughts kept leaking out.
Like, through gestures.
**[13:30] Ono**
Thoughts? Oh, yeah, I was.
**[13:32] Fuku**
You were like, "Yeah, that's right."
**[13:34] Ono**
I was, the whole time.
**[13:35] Ono**
And of course, Miyu-kun was laughing.
**[13:37] Iri**
No, I wasn't laughing that much.
**[13:39] Iri**
Jun-san was laughing a lot too, though.
**[13:41] Fuku**
Oh, mics don't pick me up well,
so they couldn't hear me.
**[13:42] Iri**
You liar!
**[13:44] Ono**
He doesn't play fair.
**[13:46] Fuku**
What?
**[13:46] Ono**
He's figured out the perfect way
**[13:47] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[13:48] Ono**
to laugh without being picked up by the mics.
**[13:50] Fuku**
Yup.
**[13:51] Ono**
But Miyu-kun doesn't even seem to care.
**[13:53] Fuku**
He laughs when other people are talking.
**[13:55] Iri**
I was actually just told in an interview
**[13:55] Ono**
It overlaps.
**[13:59] Iri**
that the other brothers keep
complaining that I laugh too much.
**[14:03] Ono**
Right.
**[14:04] Iri**
So... In regards to that, I told them,
**[14:08] Iri**
I get told that so much,
it doesn't even bother me anymore.
**[14:11] Ono**
It doesn't *bother* you anymore?
Not "you don't care anymore"?
**[14:14] Iri**
I mean, if you can't laugh when you're
having fun, what's the point?
**[14:19] Ono**
Yeah, life would be boring.
**[14:19] Fuku**
Well, I think it's fine to laugh
when you're having fun...
**[14:23] Fuku**
But when you laugh while we're
recording, we have to do a retake.
**[14:25] Iri**
Oh, right...
**[14:25] Fuku**
I've had to retake, like, three
times because you were laughing.
**[14:29] Ono**
How long have you been in the business?!
**[14:31] Iri**
I'm sorry. You're right, that's not good.
**[14:33] Fuku**
But, like, when someone laughs
at your part, you can't be mad.
**[14:37] Iri**
Exactly.
**[14:38] Ono**
That does make you happy.
**[14:38] Fuku**
Right.
**[14:40] Ono**
They talked about this earlier, but
Nakamura-kun and Miyu-kun laugh a lot.
**[14:46] Fuku**
It's not so bad with Miyu-kun
since it's just default,
**[14:48] Fuku**
but once something makes Nakamura laugh,
**[14:50] Fuku**
he can't shake it off.
**[14:51] Ono**
Yeah, once he starts, he can't stop.
**[14:52] Iri**
It's not good.
**[14:53] Fuku**
It's so bad, he can't even say his lines.
**[14:56] Iri**
Yeah.
**[14:58] Ono**
Like, "Hey, it's your line."
**[14:59] Fukku**
With the first episode of the new year,
he couldn't even say his lines anymore.
**[15:05] Iri**
Yeah, he couldn't. That actually happened.
**[15:07] Fuku**
I was like, "What's with you?"
**[15:10] Ono**
So with this commentary today...
**[15:13] Fuku**
Yes.
**[15:13] Ono**
There's apparently a theme where
we pick the worst sextuplet.
**[15:17] Iri**
You know, I've been thinking...
**[15:19] Iri**
I'm not sure if he's the worst,
but Ichimatsu's definitely the scariest.
**[15:23] Fuku**
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
**[15:23] Ono**
I agree.
**[15:24] Iri**
Ichimatsu's seriously scary.
**[15:26] Fuku**
Really?
**[15:26] Ono**
Darkness. Total darkness.
**[15:26] Fuku**
Really?
**[15:27] Iri**
I mean, this script has nominated
episodes listed for everyone...
**[15:31] Both**
Yeah.
**[15:31] Iri**
For example, Jyushimatsu has "swims in a river."
**[15:36] Ono**
Swims in a river...
**[15:36] Iri**
"Holds Ichimatsu so he can get his shot."
**[15:37] Ono**
That's on screen now, yeah.
**[15:39] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[15:39] Iri**
And the one we're about to see is the one
where he's all hyper in the morning.
**[15:42] Ono**
Right.
**[15:43] Iri**
Jun-san, could you read the parts
Ichimatsu was nominated for?
**[15:45] Fuku**
Okay, let's see... "Episode 4: Threatens mother."
**[15:48] Fuku**
"Episode 7: Tries to defecate
on table, then exposes himself."
**[15:51] Fuku**
"Episode 11: Picks fight with couple."
**[15:53] ---**
He's terrible!
**[15:54] Iri**
The first two are so intense
that the last one seems normal.
**[15:57] Ono**
Yeah, that seems normal.
**[15:59] Fuku**
The first two would actually be crimes.
**[16:02] Iri**
Those are totally crimes.
**[16:04] Fuku**
If you just read it.
**[16:04] Ono**
He does expose himself quite often.
**[16:07] Fuku**
I don't think he exposes himself that often,
**[16:09] Fuku**
but I don't think he considers it a hazard, either.
**[16:12] Ono**
Hazard...
**[16:13] Iri**
I think Ichimatsu's got the most swing.
**[16:15] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[16:15] Ono**
Right.
**[16:16] Fuku**
When he gets mad, his voice gets so loud.
**[16:18] Iri**
Yeah, that...
**[16:19] Ono**
Right, right.
**[16:19] Iri**
In the Totty episode...
**[16:21] Both**
Yeah.
**[16:22] Iri**
When he exposes himself at the end...
**[16:24] Ono**
Ahh...
**[16:25] Iri**
It's just scary.
**[16:25] Fuku**
Oh, the "Hey! Hey!"
**[16:27] Fuku**
"Hey! Hey!"
**[16:28] Ono**
That's scary! That's so scary!
**[16:28] Iri**
I've never heard that sound before.
**[16:31] Ono**
He comes up with voices
you've never heard on the fly.
**[16:33] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[16:33] Oono**
And that's terrifying.
**[16:34] Fuku**
But the fun thing about Ichimatsu
is getting to do stuff like that.
**[16:37] Iri**
It's amazing.
**[16:37] Both**
Yeah.
**[16:38] Iri**
And then there was the ESP kitty...
**[16:40] Fuk**
Oh, with ESP kitty, everyone
says that was a good story...
**[16:43] Iri**
Yeah.
**[16:44] Fuku**
But was it really a good story?
**[16:45] Ono**
That was like a giant set-up for
Karamatsu's punchline at the end.
**[16:49] Fuku**
Right, right.
**[16:50] Fuku**
So it was basically written to make
Karamatsu seem even more unfortunate.
**[16:54] Ono**
Yeah, exactly.
**[16:54] Fuku**
Which would make it bad, right?
**[16:56] Ono**
That was nothing but bad intentions.
**[16:57] Fuku**
Towards Karamatsu.
**[16:58] Ono**
Yeah, totally on purpose.
**[17:00] Fuku**
It's when you realize just how unfortunate
Karamatsu is that you feel for him.
**[17:04] Ono**
Yeah... Ichimatsu's darkness is intense.
**[17:08] Ono**
Like, he turned into a cat, right?
**[17:09] Fuku**
He did.
**[17:10] Ono**
I had no idea what was going on there.
**[17:12] Fuku**
It just suddenly happens in episode two.
**[17:14] Ono**
Yeah, he just meowed out of nowhere.
**[17:16] Fuku**
Right? I had no idea what to do...
**[17:18] Ono**
Then he disappears onto
the top of a building.
**[17:19] Iri**
He's a mystery.
**[17:20] Fuku**
Yeah, totally.
**[17:21] Ono**
He's scary.
**[17:21] Iri**
He's the most mysterious.
**[17:23] Fuku**
But Totty's a mystery, too. How is he a virgin
when he's leading all these girls around?
**[17:28] Iri**
I'm not sure. Maybe something
always gets in his way.
**[17:32] Ono**
Oh, every time he...
**[17:33] Iri**
Maybe he never follows through to the end.
**[17:35] Both**
Ahh...
**[17:36] Iri**
I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty far.
**[17:38] Both**
Yeah.
**[17:38] Fuku**
Or he could actually be hiding
something from everyone.
**[17:43] ---**
Ah, hiding...
**[17:44] Ono**
You think so?
**[17:44] Iri**
Well, there was a later episode
that said Todomatsu was *****.
**[17:49] Fuku**
Oh, yeah, there was.
**[17:51] Ono**
*****.
**[17:52] Iri**
Yeah, there's also *****.
**[17:54] Iri**
But since I've been playing his role,
I totally understand Todomatsu.
**[17:58] Ono**
Really? Like what?
**[18:01] Iri**
Like when he gets called a dried-up monster.
**[18:05] Iri**
Or like, that he knows how to make it in society.
**[18:09] Fuku**
You just said that about yourself!
**[18:10] Ono**
So you're aware of it.
**[18:11] Iri**
Well, I've been doing this since
I was a child actor, so...
**[18:14] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:14] Ono**
That's true.
**[18:16] Ono**
I guess you guys are similar.
**[18:16] Fuku**
Come to think of it, I think we're all
sort of like our characters.
**[18:20] Ono**
Oh! So you're like Ichimatsu?
**[18:21] Fuku**
Jyu...
**[18:21] Ono**
You wanna ask about Jyushimatsu?
**[18:23] Fuku**
Yeah, I do.
**[18:24] Ono**
Okay, bring it on.
**[18:24] Iri**
You and Jyushimatsu were totally being
dissed by the older three earlier.
**[18:28] Ono**
That's right. They were totally dissing us.
**[18:30] Iri**
How you're gonna get more and more boring...
**[18:35] Fuku**
That's a thing you don't recover from.
**[18:36] Ono**
I really wanted to argue that, but...
**[18:40] Iri**
Then you should do that right now.
**[18:40] Ono**
But I couldn't think of anything to say.
**[18:41] Iri**
You couldn't?!
**[18:42] Ono**
Yeah, I bet. I mean, they were right.
**[18:43] Fuku**
They hit the nail on the head?
**[18:44] Ono**
They did. I mean, saying what's in
the script is actually the funniest.
**[18:48] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:49] Ono**
So I want to bring this up right now,
and I'm sure you guys do, too...
**[18:52] Ono**
Everything we say is in the script.
**[18:53] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[18:54] Ono**
We're reading the script as it is.
**[18:56] Iri**
Yeah.
**[18:56] Fuku**
I actually don't like ad-libbing very much.
**[19:00] Ono**
R-Right... I don't know about your other shows, but...
**[19:02] Fuku**
That's only because they ask me to.
**[19:04] Ono**
Oh, really?
**[19:05] Fuku**
Yeah. In general, I don't want to
change anything in the script.
**[19:09] Iri**
We were getting to the story where Ono-san
**[19:12] Iri**
ad-libbed a part and the whole
thing was omitted, right?
**[19:14] Ono**
Yeah, the whole thing.
**[19:16] Ono**
The thing I did during the water tricks
in "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love."
**[19:20] Iri**
Do it right now.
**[19:21] Ono**
The one where I go "kssshhhh" was...
**[19:23] Ono**
Hey, why did you guys get silent?
**[19:25] Fuku**
Well, when we were watching you do that,
**[19:27] Fuku**
we were saying it'd probably get cut.
**[19:31] Ono**
But you guys said that the more
I did it, the funnier it got...
**[19:36] Ono**
That's why I kept doing it, and when I saw
the broadcast, it was completely gone.
**[19:40] Fuku**
That's because you can only see
something for the first time once.
**[19:43] Ono**
That's true.
**[19:43] Fuku**
The second time, you know what'll happen.
**[19:45] Ono**
Yeah.
**[19:46] Fuku**
Exactly.
**[19:46] Ono**
That's exactly it.
**[19:47] Fuku**
Yup.
**[19:47] Ono**
I was being a bit selfish.
**[19:49] Fuku**
And Kuwashima-san's laugh was great.
**[19:51] Iri**
Yeah, that's true.
**[19:51] Ono**
Yes! That was amazing.
**[19:53] Fukku**
No one but Kuwashima-san
could have done that.
**[19:55] Iri**
Right?
**[19:56] Ono**
And this actually wasn't my idea,
**[19:58] Ono**
but there was a time Karamatsu,
a.k.a. Nakamura-kun, pushed me...
**[20:03] Ono**
The scene where Jyushimatsu answers the phone.
**[20:05] Ono**
The one where he says,
"Hello, this is Jyushimatsu."
**[20:09] Ono**
He kept bugging me to ad-lib, "Hello, this is *****."
**[20:11] Ono**
I remember that!
**[20:13] Ono**
Like, after the rehearsal,
and right before the recording.
**[20:16] Both**
So when I actually did it, I was told,
**[20:18] Ono**
"Jyushimatsu wouldn't do that,
so please try that one more time."
**[20:22] Fuku**
Yeah, when you go a bit too far,
they get really cold.
**[20:25] Ono**
Yeah, we shouldn't.
**[20:26] Fuku**
In episode one, I was planning on
going a bit nuts to set the mood,
**[20:30] Fuu**
and when I was getting hyped up,
the producers behind me
**[20:33] Fuku**
were all giving me dirty looks.
**[20:36] Ono**
Yeah.
**[20:37] Iri**
I remember that.
**[20:38] Iri**
But it's true that Jyushimatsu's
not trying to be funny.
**[20:41] Ono**
Yeah, he's not.
**[20:43] Iri**
Actually, he probably got the
most helpful criticism.
**[20:46] Ono**
And all I could say to that
was "Yes... Yes, right."
**[20:51] Iri**
I remember that.
**[20:52] Ono**
And then apologizing...
**[20:53] Fuku**
Oh, I love Totty's face right here!
**[20:55] Ono**
Oh, that face!
**[20:55] Fukku**
It's amazing!
**[20:56] Ono**
That face is amazing.
**[20:57] Fuku**
It's fantastic.
**[20:58] Iri**
Everyone was talking about it.
**[20:59] Fuku**
That face will go down in anime history.
**[21:00] Iri**
I was so grateful for this, seriously.
**[21:03] Fuku**
You don't often see this face
in Heisei-era anime.
**[21:05] Ono**
There it is again!
**[21:06] Fuku**
That's so good!
**[21:07] Irino**
I'm very grateful to all the staff
members who drew that face.
**[21:08] Ono**
And again, Totty.
**[21:09] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[21:11] Fukku**
I want someone to make a
super-realistic figure of that.
**[21:15] Iri**
Apparently there are a lot
of fans who draw that face.
**[21:19] Fukku**
Yeah.
**[21:19] Ono**
That face...
**[21:21] Fuku**
Well, the first three were
talking about it, as well,
**[21:24] Fuku**
but the reaction to this show is amazing.
**[21:25] Iri**
It is.
**[21:26] Ono**
It really is. Everyone talks to me about it.
**[21:26] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[21:28] ---**
Right?
**[21:28] Ono**
Every recording I go to.
**[21:28] Iri**
I was in a play while we were recording this...
**[21:32] Ono**
Right.
**[21:32] Iri**
One of the actresses, who was a top
Takarazuka actress, said she loved "Osomatsu."
**[21:39] Fuku**
Whoa, seriously?
**[21:40] Ono**
Even people like that are saying that...
**[21:41] Fuku**
So Zuka likes Matsu?
**[21:42] Irino**
"Zuka likes Matsu"? Zuka does like Matsu, yes.
**[21:44] Fuku**
But the other guys said that people
**[21:46] Fuku**
are talking to them about
this show every day, right?
**[21:49] Iri**
Yeah.
**[21:49] Fuku**
No one talks to me about it.
**[21:51] Iri**
That's because Ichimatsu's scary.
**[21:53] Ono**
Yeah. They probably don't know
if they should bring it up.
**[21:54] Fuku**
That's ridiculous!
**[21:56] Ono**
They think they shouldn't mention it.
**[21:56] Fuku**
People talked to me about it
at first, but lately, nothing!
**[22:00] Ono**
Really?
**[22:01] Fuku**
Well, actually, right before this, I recorded
the final episode for another series.
**[22:08] Fuku**
And the creator of that series said to me,
**[22:10] Fuku**
"You were great, Fukuyama-san.
You know what's amazing about you?"
**[22:12] Fuku**
"Your voice on this show is nothing like Ichimatsu's."
I don't know if it was a compliment or not.
**[22:17] Ono**
When someone mentions this
show the first you meet them,
**[22:20] Ono**
you're not sure how to react.
**[22:21] Fuku**
Oh, good point.
**[22:22] Ono**
"N-Nice to meet you.
**[22:23] Ono**
I've been watching your show." Then
I ask what show, and they say this one.
**[22:26] Ono**
Then it sorta gets quiet.
**[22:27] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[22:30] Fuku**
So, whatever you missed
Ono-kun saying during the
**[22:33] Fuku**
commercials can be found on the Blu-ray.
**[22:34] Ono**
Aw, that's too bad. I wanted everyone to hear that.
**[22:34] Iri**
That's totally a lie! Don't lie!
**[22:37] Fuku**
What?
**[22:37] Iri**
Don't lie.
**[22:38] Fuku**
Who cares if it's a lie? It'll get us more sales.
**[22:40] Iri**
Ah, okay, you're right.
**[22:40] Ono**
I see.
**[22:43] Fuku**
Is this going to be on the Blu-ray?
**[22:44] Iri**
No idea.
**[22:45] Ono**
Who knows?
**[22:45] Fuku**
So anyway, we've reached the end.
**[22:48] Ono**
That went by fast.
**[22:49] Fukku**
Remember, it's this year's last Matsu.
**[22:51] Ono**
Matsu.
**[22:51] Irino**
Oh, it's the last Matsu of the year?
**[22:52] Fuku**
The Lastmatsu.
**[22:54] Ono**
Well, it's the end of the year
(nendo*matsu*).
**[22:55] Fuku**
Yup, and at the beginning of the
year, you'll have a kadomatsu.
**[23:00] ---**
Wow...
**[23:02] Ono**
Don't say funny stuff! It's about to end!
**[23:04] Fukku**
Well...
**[23:04] Iri**
Ono-san, you should say something. You're the MC.
**[23:06] Fuku**
Yeah, wrap things up.
**[23:07] Ono**
You weren't even thinking of me as the MC!
**[23:08] Fuku**
We'll all wait (*matsu*) for you to wrap this up.
**[23:10] Ono**
What the... I mean, that was good,
but it keeps getting all quiet for a second!
**[23:15] Iri**
I think there's about a minute left.
**[23:16] Ono**
A minute, huh?
**[23:17] Fuku**
Yeah.
**[23:18] Iri**
Ono-san, say something to wrap this up.
**[23:19] Ono**
Well, who do you think is the biggest loser?
**[23:23] Iri**
All of them.
**[23:25] Fuku**
If we had to pick...
**[23:26] Ono**
Don't say it like that.
**[23:26] Fuku**
Well, we're not picking who's the best.
**[23:28] Ono**
Oh, I see.
**[23:29] Fuku**
Well, who do you think is the biggest loser, D?
**[23:33] Ono**
I think all of them, too...
**[23:34] Iri**
What the heck?
**[23:35] Ono**
Hey, don't sound so disappointed.
**[23:36] Iri**
Well, you complained when I said "all of them," so...
**[23:41] Fuku**
Right?
**[23:41] Ono**
Well, maybe Dekapan, then.
**[23:42] Fuku**
But he's not a Matsu.
**[23:44] Fuku**
Okay! So, we've come to the end...
**[23:46] Iri**
Crap, we're really ending with this? Wow...
**[23:47] Fuku**
So, uh, I think you'll all be very surprised
by the first episode of the new year.
**[23:52] Iri**
Yes.
**[23:52] Fuku**
So...
**[23:53] Ono**
Yes.
**[23:53] Fuku**
Please look forward to the first
"Osomatsu-san" episode of the new year.
**[23:57] Fuku**
See you again, everyone.
**[23:59] Iri**
Oh, that was great. Thank you very much.
**[23:59] Ono**
Thank you!
**[24:00] Iri**
Oh, there's the sponsors! We love you!
**[24:02] Ono**
We love you!
**[24:02] Irino**
We love you so much!
**[24:03] Irino**
We love you! We love you!
**[24:04] Ono**
We really love you!
**[24:05] Fuku**
Give us lots of work!
**[24:06] Iri**
Give us... yeah!
**[24:06] Ono**
You're the best!
**[24:07] Fuku**
Give us lots of work! Lots!
**[24:08] Iri**
So cute!
# E13 - Sanematsu-san / Girlymatsu-san / Accident?
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR75K40NY/sanematsu-san--girlymatsu-san--accident)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** -Our Story So Far-
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
***SIGN*** No Smoking
in the Office
**[00:06] Boss**
Sanematsu-kun, are you even trying?
**[00:09] Boss**
If this keeps up, I might
have to have you quit.
**[00:13] Lady**
Sanematsu-san, I asked you to
take care of this, didn't I?
**[00:19] Guy**
Please take care of this by the
end of today, Sanematsu-senpai.
**[00:24] Lady**
No, he totally groped me!
**[00:28] Sane**
I did not.
**[00:29] Lady**
You totally did!
**[00:32] Guy**
Well, I have to take her at her word.
Could I get your name, sir?
**[00:37] Sane**
But I didn't—
**[00:38] Guy**
Your name!
**[00:41] Sane**
It...
**[00:43] Sane**
It's Sanematsu...
***SIGN*** Weekly Serial Drama
Sanematsu-san
***SIGN*** Episode 3
***SIGN*** Oden Fair All Year Round
***SIGN*** Incoming Call
***SIGN*** Mom
***SIGN*** Dekoboko Corporation
**[01:38] Sane**
Good morning.
**[01:47] Kaoru**
Good morning.
**[01:50] Sane**
Good morning.
**[02:25] Kaoru**
You got food from the convenience
store again, Sanematsu-san?
**[02:29] Kaoru**
You need to eat right.
**[02:31] Kaoru**
Say, why don't we get lunch together?
**[02:33] Sane**
Huh? I, uh...
**[02:36] Guy**
Kaoruko-chan.
**[02:37] Guy**
Sanematsu-senpai likes to eat
alone. Don't you, Senpai?
**[02:42] Guy**
Come on. Let's go.
**[02:50] Boss**
I guess you do get hungry, at least.
**[03:28] Person**
I'm done!
**[03:30] Sane**
Thanks for your hard work.
**[03:32] Boss**
Sanematsu-kun.
**[03:33] Boss**
I have something else I'd like you to do today.
**[03:37] Boss**
You have time, right?
**[03:40] Sane**
Huh? Uh... Not today, actually...
**[03:49] Boss**
"Not today, actually"? He never stays late.
**[03:54] Guy**
He's unmarried, almost forty, and no girlfriend.
**[03:57] Guy**
What could he possibly be
in a hurry to get home for?
**[04:03] Guy**
Hey, Kaoruko-chan. Wanna go for a drink?
***SIGN*** Interactive Supermarket
***SIGN*** Time Sale 50% Off
***SIGN*** Winter Items Special Sale
**[04:32] Sane**
I'm home!
**[04:34] Five**
Welcome back!
**[04:42] Six**
Let's eat!
**[04:47] Sane**
Hey, Kadomatsu, don't eat just meat.
**[04:51] Hira**
You're such a kid, Kadomatsu-niisan.
**[04:54] Kado**
Shut up.
**[04:56] Sane**
Hiramatsu.
**[04:56] Hira**
Hm?
**[04:57] Sane**
Grab me a plate.
**[04:58] Hira**
Sure.
**[05:01] Sane**
Thanks.
**[05:03] Sane**
Oh, yeah. Sutematsu.
**[05:04] Sute**
Yeah?
**[05:05] Sane**
I stopped by Qlo Qlo on my way home today...
**[05:10] Sane**
Here. It must be rough
commuting by bike every day.
**[05:14] Sute**
Thanks, Sanematsu-niisan!
**[05:16] Hira**
Aw, it's not fair that only
Sutematsu-niisan gets something.
**[05:19] Sane**
I just got you a scarf not long ago, Hiramatsu.
**[05:23] Sute**
Yay!
**[05:24] Hira**
Boo.
**[05:27] Toku**
But you're amazing, Sanematsu-niisan.
**[05:29] Toku**
You work, cook, and take care of us, too.
**[05:34] Sane**
What's with you, Tokumatsu?
Flattery will get you nowhere.
**[05:38] Kado**
Tokumatsu, you just want money, don't you?
**[05:41] Toku**
I do not!
**[05:42] Kado**
You always use the same method.
It's way too obvious.
**[05:49] Sane**
Hey, Kikumatsu.
**[05:51] Sane**
Is your new job going well?
**[05:53] Kiku**
Huh? Well, I guess it's... going.
**[05:57] Hira**
Always taking things at your own pace, huh?
**[06:00] Sane**
Kikumatsu, once you're a part of society,
**[06:02] Sane**
you need to consider those around you.
**[06:04] Kiku**
Like you can talk, Sanematsu-niisan.
You hate people.
**[06:07] Hira**
True.
**[06:10] Sane**
Hey, I do not.
**[06:27] Guy**
Hey! Come on!
**[06:44] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[06:51] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[06:59] Kaoru**
Sanematsu-san?
**[07:05] Sane**
Hey, Kikumatsu.
**[07:07] Sane**
Is your new job going well?
**[07:09] Kiku**
Huh? Well, I guess it's... going.
**[07:12] Hira**
Always taking things at your own pace, huh?
***SIGN*** End
**[07:38] Nar**
Next time on "Sanematsu-san"...
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[07:40] Nar**
Kadomatsu gets married,
**[07:41] Nar**
Hiramatsu changes his image,
**[07:43] Nar**
Kikumatsu has a secret,
**[07:45] Nar**
and Akamatsu, Shigematsu,
and Tokiwamatsu appear.
**[07:48] Nar**
Next time: "Which One Is Sanematsu?"
***SIGN*** Episode 4: Which One Is Sanematsu?
**[07:51] Nar**
Look forward to it.
**[07:54] All**
Osoko!
**[07:55] Oso**
Hi!
**[07:56] Oso**
* I'm told that I'm the reliable, no-nonsense*
* type, but I can be cute, too!*
**[08:01] All**
Karako!
**[08:03] Kara**
Heyo!
**[08:04] Kara**
* Not bad. You managed to*
* keep up with me. You pass!*
***SIGN*** Anime Kan
**[08:08] All**
Choroko!
**[08:10] Choro**
What?
***SIGN*** Fu
**[08:11] Choro**
*Do you prefer Chibi x Dayo, or Dayo x Chibi?*
**[08:13] Choro**
*Iya x Hata is definitely no good, though.*
**[08:16] All**
Ichiko!
**[08:17] Ichi**
Yes?
**[08:19] Ichi**
* Living is all about the balance between*
* soul and body. Do you understand?*
**[08:24] All**
Jyushiko!
**[08:27] Jyu**
*Hey, I totally just saw that guy!*
**[08:29] Jyu**
*That young, handsome, hot actor guy!*
***SIGN*** Mount Matsuo
**[08:32] All**
Todoko!
**[08:34] Todo**
Yahoo!
**[08:36] Todo**
* Hey, guys. All of us on Earth are*
* friends riding the same spaceship, right?*
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[08:40] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
**[08:44] Oso**
Hey, we're already here.
**[08:46] Oso**
Yeah, we'll wait, but just hurry up.
**[08:50] Oso**
Okay, got it.
**[08:52] Oso**
He said they have overtime.
**[08:54] Oso**
God, they have some nerve,
making girls wait.
**[08:57] Ichi**
I wonder if they really have overtime.
**[09:00] Ichi**
Did you make sure, Osoko?
**[09:02] Jyu**
Wait, what? What's that mean, Ichiko?
**[09:05] Ichi**
Maybe they're trying to escape.
**[09:07] Choro**
Or maybe...
**[09:09] Choro**
The boss grabbed the
subordinate by the necktie,
**[09:11] Choro**
and said, "I'm never letting
you go," or something!
**[09:15] Kara**
There it is! Choroko's delusions!
**[09:17] Kara**
Seriously, you only think
of the most pervy things.
**[09:20] Choro**
What? You must be talking about yourself.
**[09:22] Kara**
I vent everything out with sports.
**[09:24] Ichi**
You liar. I know you're a slave to lust.
**[09:30] Todo**
So pervy and gross.
**[09:32] Kara**
What the heck? You two are so mean!
**[09:34] Oso**
Hey, stop arguing. You're
gonna scare the guys away.
**[09:38] ---**
Hmph.
**[09:40] Jyu**
Hey, Osoko. What are the guys
that are coming today like?
**[09:44] Oso**
They're my juniors at work.
**[09:45] Jyu**
Oh, so they're younger!
**[09:47] Oso**
They're good guys.
They adore me like an older sister.
**[09:51] Kara**
You teaching them all sorts of things?
**[09:55] Todo**
Ugh, stop saying vulgar things like that, Karako.
**[09:59] Kara**
Oh, please. Stop trying to act
like you're better than us.
**[10:02] Kara**
I know you're the nastiest one of us all.
**[10:05] Jyu**
Wait, what? What's that mean?
**[10:07] Ichi**
I don't know if you're trying to be
a forest girl or a mountain girl,
**[10:10] Ichi**
but you ask a guy to go hiking with you
**[10:13] Ichi**
just so you can have him carry your
bags and pay all the expenses.
**[10:16] Todo**
That's not true! They just offer...
**[10:19] Ichi**
Then you could decline.
**[10:21] Ichi**
You say you're the warm type,
but you know exactly what you're doing.
**[10:23] Todo**
Don't make it sound so bad.
**[10:25] Kara**
You're the personification of a sly fox.
**[10:28] Oso**
You guys might not get it yet,
but that also lets the guys save face.
**[10:34] Oso**
Right, Todoko?
**[10:35] Todo**
R-Right.
**[10:36] Oso**
We girls have a duty to let guys
comfortably pay for us.
**[10:42] Oso**
You all take being popular too lightly.
**[10:44] Oso**
You have to think about popularity every day.
**[10:47] Oso**
At times, it's the freedom
you have by being younger.
**[10:49] Oso**
At times, it's being approachable to peers.
**[10:51] Oso**
And at times, it's the cuteness
your youth gives you.
**[10:54] Oso**
I wouldn't call it trying to get attention,
but... How do I put this...
**[10:58] Oso**
Being a girl can be difficult.
**[11:00] Ichi**
Get real, Osoko.
**[11:01] Oso**
What?!
**[11:02] Ichi**
You'd go that far just to be popular?
**[11:04] Ichi**
I don't get it at all. It's so strange.
**[11:06] Jyu**
I know, right? It's totally okay
if you're popular just because,
**[11:10] Jyu**
but trying so hard to be popular
is just greedy and lame.
**[11:13] Oso**
Then stop with the love-me-I'm-loose makeup!
**[11:17] Oso**
"It's not like I'm asking them to treat me nice,
**[11:19] Oso**
but they do, so I don't know what to do.
**[11:21] Oso**
Does that mean they like me?"
**[11:24] ---**
Are you bragging about that?
Of course you are!
**[11:27] Oso**
I see right through it
because you're so shallow!
**[11:29] Oso**
And you guys stupid enough to fall for
the cute, fragile act are just as bad!
**[11:33] Oso**
You shithead guys must be blind!
**[11:35] Oso**
Girls who try to get prettier by fucking
are expected to be two or three-timers.
**[11:38] Oso**
Why don't you get that those terrifying
girls are listening to your love issues
**[11:41] Oso**
on purpose just to get some,
and don't care if you're married or not?
**[11:43] Oso**
I spend so much time getting close
to guys with my older sister character,
**[11:46] Oso**
luring them in slowly, and just when
I'm about to get my claws into them,
**[11:48] Oso**
they get stolen away from me! Why?!
**[11:50] Oso**
Are guys stupid? Are guys
seriously that stupid?!
**[11:53] Oso**
Die!
**[11:56] Jyu**
That's so mean, Osoko...
Is that what you think of me?
**[12:02] Jyu**
But I guess that's my fault, too.
**[12:04] Jyu**
Because I was insensitive and annoyed everyone.
**[12:10] Jyu**
I guess you'd be better off if I weren't here at all!
**[12:15] Ichi**
I know how you feel.
**[12:17] Jyu**
Ichiko...
**[12:18] Ichi**
No one is a bigger enemy
to women than other women.
**[12:21] Jyu**
Huh?
**[12:22] Ichi**
The other day,
**[12:24] Ichi**
someone from work asked me if it was
true that I have partial dentures...
**[12:28] Ichi**
On purpose.
**[12:29] Todo**
Wait, do you?
**[12:31] Ichi**
To be precise, they're implants,
not partial dentures.
**[12:34] Choro**
Gum disease?
**[12:34] Ichi**
Who cares what it is?
**[12:36] Ichi**
What are they implying by "partial
dentures"? That my breath stinks?
**[12:39] Ichi**
That's so rude!
**[12:43] Choro**
Ichiko, I've never mentioned this,
**[12:47] Choro**
but your breath really does stink.
**[12:48] Ichi**
Huh?!
**[12:49] Choro**
It kind of smells like sewage.
**[12:51] Ichi**
No way!
**[12:52] Kara**
Maybe it's an internal problem.
**[12:54] Ichi**
What? You don't change your
underwear for, like, three days.
**[12:57] Ichi**
You stink way more than me, Karako!
**[12:59] Choro**
Ew, that's disgusting.
**[13:00] Kara**
I can't help it if I can't take a bath!
**[13:03] Kara**
I at least turn them inside-out!
**[13:05] Todo**
You can't be serious!
**[13:07] Todo**
I always thought you smelled
like an old man, Karako.
**[13:10] Todo**
But it actually goes beyond that.
You're more like a wild animal.
**[13:12] Todo**
Like, you'd do your business anywhere,
even if people were looking.
**[13:15] Choro**
She went there!
**[13:17] Kara**
Who are you calling an animal, huh?!
**[13:20] Kara**
All you guys think about all
day is fuck, fuck, fucking!
**[13:23] Kara**
All you think about is fucking all day!
**[13:25] Kara**
You're more like animals than I am!
**[13:28] Oso**
Karako, stop!
**[13:31] Oso**
I know you're actually a good person, Karako.
**[13:35] Oso**
I know you felt bad when
a dragonfly got stuck,
**[13:37] Oso**
but tore it in half when
you tried to pull it free.
**[13:39] Oso**
And that you felt bad when a dog wouldn't
leave your side, so you threw water on it.
**[13:42] Oso**
I know all of that.
**[13:46] Kara**
Osoko...
**[13:47] Oso**
We'll be friends forever.
**[13:49] Ichi**
We're all soulmates of the soul.
**[13:51] Jyu**
Let's stay BFFs even when
we're all old and wrinkly.
**[13:54] Todo**
It's a promise!
**[13:55] Choro**
We don't even need men!
***SIGN*** Incoming Call
**[14:04] Oso**
Hey, what are you doing?
**[14:06] Oso**
What? You can't come?
**[14:08] Oso**
Why?!
**[14:09] Oso**
Hey!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** "Accident?"
**[14:19] Oso**
Man... I already lost on New Year's...
**[14:32] Oso**
I'm home.
**[16:16] Oso**
So good! It's so good!
**[16:19] Jyu**
So good! So good!
**[16:23] Dad**
This is great, dear.
**[16:24] Mom**
So good.
**[16:28] Todo**
What's wrong, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[16:31] Oso**
Could you hand me the ladle, Choromatsu?
**[16:43] Oso**
Ow, that's hot!
**[16:45] Oso**
Are you stupid? Are you friggin' stupid?!
**[16:47] Todo**
What are you doing?
**[16:48] Choro**
Oh, my bad. I guess there are things
you just shouldn't do, even as brothers.
**[16:53] Choro**
My bad.
**[16:56] Oso**
What the heck? That was
actually almost funny.
**[17:00] Todo**
Wait, did you do something, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[17:02] Oso**
Not really. I just accidentally
saw Choromatsu jer—
**[17:06] Choro**
Hey! Don't say it!
**[17:07] Oso**
Oh, who cares? We're brothers.
**[17:10] Choro**
It's even worse because we're brothers!
**[17:12] Oso**
Look, it's nothing to worry about...
**[17:15] Oso**
Fappymatsu.
**[17:17] Todo**
Hold on! Apologize to him!
**[17:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:20] Todo**
Come on, you can't call
him Fappymatsu. I mean...
**[17:23] Todo**
It's too funny!
**[17:26] Choro**
* This sucks. They're going to*
* tease me about this for life.*
**[17:31] Choro**
Hey.
**[17:33] Choro**
I always hated that about you.
**[17:37] Oso**
Huh?
**[17:37] Choro**
You have no tact.
Why would you say that?
**[17:39] Choro**
All you want is attention,
you boorish human. Die.
**[17:42] Oso**
What?
**[17:43] Oso**
If we're going there,
**[17:44] Oso**
who's the one who borrowed this boorish
human's dirty magazine without asking?
**[17:49] Todo**
What? Fappymatsu-niisan
did something that vile?
**[17:52] Kara**
I'm kinda shocked.
**[17:53] Ichi**
That's wrong.
**[17:54] Jyu**
So wrong!
**[17:55] Oso**
Uh, I know that all of you do the same thing.
**[17:59] Todo**
I-I have my own hidden in my closet.
**[18:03] Kara**
Mine's behind the bookshelf.
**[18:05] Ichi**
Mine's under the floor.
***SIGN*** Everybody's Bug Encyclopedia
**[18:07] Jyu**
Mine's in the attic.
**[18:08] Choro**
How many dirty magazines are in this house?!
**[18:11] Oso**
But I'm fine with all of that.
**[18:13] Oso**
I mean, we're all brothers. I don't care
if you guys are pervs or weirdos.
**[18:17] Oso**
And yet, this guy...
**[18:19] Oso**
Is he trying to act like he's better than us?
**[18:22] Oso**
Especially when he tries to act
like he's looking for a job!
**[18:25] Oso**
You haven't even done anything!
**[18:27] Oso**
What you *are* doing is going
to your room alone to fa—
**[18:30] Oso**
Ow! Chorofappyski!
**[18:31] Choro**
Who the hell is Chorofappyski?!
**[18:33] Oso**
Chorofappyski! Chorofappyski!
**[18:33] Choro**
I'm not some historical figure! I'm your brother!
**[18:46] Todo**
Come on, stop it, you two.
You're not kids anymore.
**[18:50] Oso**
Aww, we got scolded by the youngest
because of Alexfapper Graham Bell.
**[18:54] Choro**
Who the hell is Alexfapper Graham Bell?!
**[18:57] Todo**
You're in the wrong here, Osomatsu-niisan.
Idol otaku have their pride, you know.
**[19:02] Oso**
Uh-oh. You totally stepped on a landmine.
**[19:04] Choro**
You shouldn't even exist,
and you have the nerve to say that?
**[19:08] Todo**
Sh-Shouldn't even exist?
**[19:09] Choro**
Yeah. I mean, sextuplets are sort of half-assed.
**[19:12] Choro**
Five or seven would have been better.
**[19:14] Todo**
Huh?!
**[19:15] Choro**
Having an even number is sort of blah.
**[19:17] Choro**
We can't have a center. But if we had five...
**[19:21] Choro**
It just works.
**[19:25] Jyu**
The "Totty shouldn't exist" theory.
**[19:26] Todo**
Piss off!
**[19:28] Todo**
Stop moving away from me!
**[19:30] Todo**
You know, if I weren't around,
we brothers would be in trouble!
**[19:32] Todo**
From the top, we have stupid, painful,
Fappymatsu, Kittymatsu, and Jyushimatsu!
**[19:36] Todo**
Who would be the good-looking one?
**[19:38] Ichi**
Uh, you're not really that attractive.
**[19:41] Ichi**
You're just sly. It gets boring after a while.
**[19:44] Todo**
Shut up!
**[19:46] Todo**
Actually, why don't you drop that
character already, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[19:50] Ichi**
Huh? What character?
**[19:51] Todo**
You're totally a normie.
That was proven with the ESP kitty.
**[19:58] Todo**
"I'm sorry, too." You're totally normal!
**[20:01] Todo**
Zero darkness! Normal fourth brother!
**[20:06] Ichi**
Bye!
**[20:07] Todo**
Hey! Don't take those!
**[20:11] Kara**
If you guys have any problems
with me, you can just tell m—
**[20:17] Kara**
Huh?
**[20:21] Jyu**
Gotcha!
**[20:24] Jyu**
Here I go!
**[20:29] Jyu**
Personal best!
**[20:32] Choro**
Actually, when did Jyushimatsu
start acting like this?
**[20:32] Jyu**
Butterfly!
**[20:34] Jyu**
Crawl!
**[20:35] Choro**
He wasn't like this as a kid, was he?
**[20:36] Jyu**
And then butterfly!
**[20:37] Todo**
He might actually have the most
emotional darkness of all of us.
**[20:37] Jyu**
Breaststroke, and then butterfly! Butterfly!
**[20:40] Choro**
Creepy!
**[20:42] Jyu**
Whoa, really? Total downer.
**[20:45] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[20:48] Choro**
That's exactly what I'm—
**[20:49] Oso**
Fappymatsu.
**[20:51] Oso**
Sorry about today. I made this
so that it won't ever happen again.
***SIGN*** Caution: Fapping in Progress
**[20:56] Oso**
Use it next time.
**[20:58] Choro**
You're making fun of me!
**[21:00] Oso**
What the hell?!
**[21:02] Todo**
That's enough!
**[21:03] Ichi**
Hey, Totty, is this your collection?
**[21:05] Todo**
Hey! When did you—
**[21:15] Choro**
Who threw that?
**[21:21] Ichi**
That stinks!
**[21:23] Kra**
Stop!
**[21:25] Todo**
Stop it!
**[21:26] Oso**
No! What the hell are you doing?!
**[21:29] Choro**
Why, you...
**[21:29] Choro**
Ow!
**[21:32] Jyu**
Hi-yah!
**[21:35] Guys**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[21:36] Guys**
Your feet reek!
**[21:38] Guys**
*Your* feet reek!
**[21:52] Oso**
Pass the soy sauce, Choromatsu.
**[21:54] Choro**
Here.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:31] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:32] Todo**
Man, is it ever cold.
**[23:33] Todo**
This is the season when cheese
fondue tastes the best.
**[23:35] Todo**
Though we'd never be able to eat
something that fancy at my house.
**[23:39] Todo**
We always have our imaginary cheese
fondue in our imaginary terrace house
**[23:42] Todo**
and imagine we're having fun
with our imaginary friends.
***SIGN*** "We Caught a Cold" "Todomatsu's Line" "Choromatsu-sensei"
**[23:45] Todo**
Huh? You don't know what I'm talking about?
**[23:48] Todo**
Neither do I.
# E14 - We Caught a Cold / Todomatsu's Line / Choromatsu-sensei
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6X032PNY/we-caught-a-cold--todomatsus-line--choromatsu-sensei)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "We Caught a Cold"
**[01:39] Todo**
Choo! Choo!
**[01:41] Ichi**
Hmph! You're trying to be sly,
even when you sneeze.
**[01:44] Ichi**
You want to be called cute so bad,
you'd use a cold? Gross.
**[01:47] Ichi**
Achooey.
**[01:48] Choro**
What the hell? I can't even bother to
retort right now, so quit it, Ichimatsu.
**[01:52] Kara**
Ah... Is this how I'm going to die?
**[01:55] Kara**
Goodbye, Karamatsu Girls.
**[01:59] Choro**
Let's just try to sleep.
**[02:04] Oso**
Who wants to go play pachinko?!
**[02:06] Oso**
Look! They got new machines in.
**[02:08] Oso**
We totally have to go.
**[02:09] Oso**
I feel like I'll get a ton of balls today.
**[02:13] Oso**
Though I say that all the time.
**[02:14] Oso**
The best part about pachinko
is right before you go.
**[02:17] Oso**
It's just like porn.
**[02:18] Oso**
You're the most excited when
you're trying to choose one, yup!
**[02:22] Oso**
Huh?
**[02:23] Oso**
What? What's wrong?
**[02:25] Todo**
I'm not going...
**[02:26] Oso**
You're not going? Why?
**[02:28] Todo**
Because I have a cold.
**[02:29] Oso**
Y-You have a cold?!
**[02:31] Choro**
How the hell could you not tell?
**[02:33] Choro**
It should be obvious we feel like crap.
**[02:35] Oso**
You'll feel better if you go play pachinko.
**[02:36] Choro**
Like hell we will!
**[02:37] Oso**
Aw, what the heck?
**[02:40] Oso**
Okay, then your big brother
will take care of you guys.
**[02:43] Choro**
What do you mean, take care of us?
Please, don't do anything unnecessary.
**[02:47] Choro**
Hey! What are you doing with our wallets?
**[02:50] Oso**
I'm gonna go buy some stuff.
**[02:52] Choro**
Hey!
**[02:59] Oso**
I lost. I didn't win any at all.
**[03:03] Todo**
Ichimatsu-niisan, give him our cold.
**[03:06] ---**
Gladly.
**[03:08] Oso**
Uh... Huh?
**[03:13] Oso**
Don't french kiss me!
**[03:18] Choro**
What the hell? Are those
supposed to be sneezes?
**[03:20] Oso**
Newspapers!
**[03:21] Choro**
You totally just said
"newspapers," didn't you?
**[03:22] Ichi**
Huh? Where's Totty?
**[03:24] Kara**
Oh... Apparently he's better now.
**[03:27] Kara**
He said he'd take care of us.
**[03:30] Ichi**
Oh...
***SIGN*** Flammable
**[03:54] Oso**
Hey, Todo—
**[03:59] All**
Huh?
**[04:01] All**
Huh?
**[04:03] All**
Huh?!
**[04:09] Todo**
Aw, it finally happened.
I caught my cold back.
**[04:13] Oso**
That's not the point here!
Why did you burn us, Todomatsu?!
**[04:17] Todo**
Well, I'm sort of a neat freak.
**[04:19] Oso**
That wasn't being a neat freak.
It was attempted murder.
**[04:22] Choro**
Huh? Where's Ichimatsu?
**[04:24] Kara**
Oh, apparently he got better.
He said he'd take care of us.
**[04:28] Choro**
I have nothing but bad feelings about this.
**[04:33] Oso**
This is unexpected.
**[04:35] Choro**
Yeah, it is.
**[04:36] Todo**
Yeah.
**[04:37] Oso**
To think that doll of darkness
has the heart to take care of us.
**[04:43] All**
Huh?
**[04:44] Ichi**
You want these? Well, do you?
**[04:49] Ichi**
You want these ice-cold towels that
were soaked in ice water, don't you?
**[04:54] Four**
W-We want them...
**[04:56] Ichi**
You want them?
**[04:57] Ichi**
Don't you mean, "May we have them, please?"
**[04:59] All**
M-May we have them, please?
**[05:01] Ichi**
May you have them?
**[05:03] Ichi**
Don't you mean, "We are
nothing but male pigs,
**[05:04] Ichi**
but please cool down our feverish
bodies, Ichimatsu-sama"?
**[05:09] Four**
We are nothing but male pigs,
**[05:11] Four**
but please cool down our feverish
bodies, Ichimatsu-sama.
**[05:14] Ichi**
"Ichimatsu-sama."
**[05:16] Four**
Ichimatsu-sama!
**[05:17] Ichi**
"Let our foreheads have it."
**[05:18] Four**
Let our foreheads have it!
**[05:20] Ichi**
"Please, hurry and give it to us."
**[05:22] Four**
Please, hurry and give it to us!
**[05:25] Ichi**
Well, I guess I don't have a choice.
**[05:29] Ichi**
Here's your reward.
**[05:34] Ichi**
This is what you wanted, isn't it?
**[05:38] Ichi**
Hurry up and get better, you pigs!
**[05:40] Ichi**
Otherwise I'll kill you!
**[05:42] Four**
Yes, Ichimatsu-sama!
**[05:46] Ichi**
I caught my cold back.
**[05:48] Choro**
What kind of roleplay was that?
**[05:49] Ichi**
Taking care of sick people is hard.
**[05:51] Choro**
That wasn't taking care of us,
it was obedience training.
**[05:55] Kara**
Heh. I'm better now.
**[06:00] Kara**
You can entrust your care to me, brothers.
**[06:02] Kara**
Is there anything you want?
**[06:04] Kara**
What? Water?
**[06:06] Kara**
All right, got it!
**[06:08] Kara**
Leave it to me, brothers!
**[06:11] Kara**
Brothers?
**[06:16] Kara**
*Tap water just won't do for my brothers.*
**[06:21] Kara**
* I will present them with the best,*
* the ultimate water from melted snow.*
**[06:27] Kara**
*But...*
**[06:32] Kara**
It's so cold...
**[06:36] Kara**
Water... Give me water...
**[06:41] Choro**
And that's the end of that.
Now let's actually get some sleep.
**[06:43] Choro**
We seriously have to get better.
**[06:45] Oso**
Yeah.
**[06:46] Choro**
Goodnight.
**[06:47] All**
Goodnight.
**[06:52] Jyu**
I'm all better!
**[06:54] Oso**
* Crap... His recovery is the*
* last thing we want right now.*
**[06:57] Choro**
*Ignore him! Just ignore him!*
**[06:58] Todo**
*Pay no attention to him!*
**[07:01] Jyu**
Okay! I'm gonna break everyone's curse!
**[07:04] Oso**
It's not a curse!
**[07:11] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:11] Oso**
*Wh-What is happening?!*
**[07:12] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:13] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:14] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:18] Jyu**
And, hup!
**[07:19] Jyu**
We've shrunk!
**[07:22] Jyu**
Okay, here we go!
**[07:23] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[07:24] Oso**
Wh-What is this?!
**[07:29] Todo**
No!
**[07:47] Jyu**
Hup, two! Hup, two! Hup, two!
**[07:52] Jyu**
There! All better!
**[07:54] Jyu**
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Hospital
**[08:03] Mom**
Please, Doctor, fix them.
***SIGN*** Gargle and Wash Your Hands
***SIGN*** Let's Wear a Mask
**[08:06] Mom**
What on earth happened to my NEETs?
**[08:10] Oso**
We two-seam to be better.
**[08:12] Kara**
We aced those germs!
**[08:13] Choro**
RBI think we're better.
**[08:14] Ichi**
Let's get back in the ring!
**[08:17] Todo**
Get your ice-cold beers!
**[08:19] Mom**
Doctor!
**[08:20] Doc**
I have no idea. What is this sickness?
**[08:24] Mom**
Doctor, Jyushimatsu... Jyushimatsu...
**[08:26] Some**
Hup, two! Hup, two!
**[08:27] Mom**
One of him is more than enough!
**[08:27] All**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[08:32] All**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
***SIGN*** End
**[08:33] Jyu**
Yeah, they sure are loud!
***SIGN*** "Todomatsu's Line"
**[08:40] Kara**
*Me... listening to the sound of the wind.*
**[08:47] Kara**
*Me... smelling the scent of the sky.*
**[08:54] Kara**
*And me... basking in the sunshine.*
**[09:04] Kara**
*It's coming down... It's coming down to me!*
**[09:10] Kara**
One, two... One, two, three!
**[09:18] Jyu**
Hey, something fell.
**[09:23] Ichi**
There, there. Good kitty.
**[09:34] Oso**
Hey, Totty. You goin' somewhere?
**[09:36] Todo**
Yeah. I'm gonna go to the gym.
**[09:38] Oso**
'Kay.
**[09:41] Oso**
Huh?
**[09:42] Oso**
Wait, Totty, what?!
**[09:46] Oso**
You... go to the gym?
**[09:49] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:50] Oso**
I didn't know that.
**[09:52] Todo**
Well, I never told you.
**[09:55] Oso**
What? What's up with that?
**[09:57] Oso**
Why didn't you tell me?
**[09:59] Oso**
I had no idea.
**[10:01] Todo**
I'm just going to the gym.
**[10:02] Todo**
Do I have to tell my brothers that?
**[10:04] Oso**
Of course you do. You should
always report changes like that.
**[10:10] Kara**
I just fell off the roof.
**[10:13] Choro**
Which gym?
**[10:15] Todo**
The one by the station.
Membership's pretty cheap.
**[10:18] Todo**
Someone in my Go club
told me about it recently.
**[10:21] Todo**
Well, later.
**[10:22] Choro**
Hang on!
**[10:23] Todo**
Huh?
**[10:24] Choro**
Wait... Totty, you play Go?
**[10:27] Todo**
Yeah.
**[10:28] Choro**
I didn't know that.
**[10:29] Todo**
I never told you.
**[10:30] Choro**
Why didn't you tell me?
**[10:33] Todo**
Again, do I have to tell my brothers that?
**[10:35] Choro**
What? Why wouldn't you?
**[10:37] Choro**
I think if you said, "I started playing Go
recently," it'd be a pretty interesting topic.
**[10:41] Todo**
Really?
**[10:43] Kara**
A semi truck ran over my toes recentl—
**[10:45] Jyu**
Is Go fun?
**[10:47] Kara**
Huh?
**[10:48] Todo**
It is! And the club is free.
**[10:51] Jyu**
Wow.
**[10:52] Todo**
But I wanted to do something physical.
**[10:54] Todo**
I haven't exercised properly
since I climbed Mount Fuji.
**[10:58] Todo**
Well, later.
**[10:59] Both**
Hang on!
**[11:00] Todo**
Hm?
**[11:01] Oso**
What do you mean, Mount Fuji?!
**[11:02] Choro**
What? You climbed it?!
**[11:03] Todo**
Yeah...
**[11:04] Oso**
When?
**[11:04] Todo**
Huh? Uh... about two years ago, I think?
**[11:07] Oso**
That's a while ago.
**[11:09] Choro**
Um, Totty... Why don't
you tell us these things?
**[11:11] Todo**
Seriously, do I have to tell my brothers—
**[11:14] Both**
Yes, you do!
**[11:15] Oso**
Going to the gym and
playing Go aren't a big deal.
**[11:17] Oso**
But you should have mentioned Mount Fuji!
**[11:18] Oso**
That's something you
should definitely mention!
**[11:21] Kara**
I've been climbing that mountain called lif—
**[11:24] Choro**
Who did you go with?
**[11:26] Todo**
Huh? Who did I go with?
**[11:27] Choro**
Who did you go up Mount Fuji with?!
**[11:29] Totty**
Oh...
**[11:31] Totty**
I went by myself.
**[11:33] Totty**
*I went by myself... I went by myself...*
**[11:39] Oso**
What's with that?! That's terrifying!
**[11:42] Oso**
I'm not sure I know anything
about our youngest brother!
**[11:44] Choro**
S-Say, Totty...
**[11:46] Todo**
Hm?
**[11:47] Choro**
Don't look at me like that
with those bright eyes!
**[11:49] Todo**
What?
**[11:49] Choro**
Sit down for a sec. We have to talk about this.
**[11:52] Todo**
Aw, but I'm going to the gy—
**[11:54] Both**
Who the hell cares about the gym?! Sit down!
**[11:58] Todo**
Why? Why are you so angry?
**[12:01] Oso**
Listen, Totty.
**[12:03] Todo**
Hm?
**[12:03] Choro**
Seriously, stop looking at us
with those innocent eyes.
**[12:06] Oso**
I've been thinking this for a while,
**[12:08] Oso**
but there are a lot of things you don't tell us.
**[12:11] Oso**
Why is that? We're your brothers, so tell us.
**[12:14] Oso**
Let's tell each other things.
**[12:15] Todo**
Well, I didn't think I needed to
tell you, since we're brothers.
**[12:18] Todo**
Not to mention, we're all
adults over twenty now.
**[12:21] Todo**
It seems pretty creepy to
tell you guys everything.
**[12:23] Oso**
Yeah, I get that. I see your point.
**[12:26] Oso**
But we're talking about Mount Fuji here.
**[12:28] Oso**
I'd probably still be telling you
guys about that when I got old.
**[12:33] Oso**
Isn't that normal?
**[12:34] Todo**
Hmm...
**[12:35] Choro**
Seriously? You don't get it?
**[12:38] Oso**
Also, your smartphone.
**[12:39] Oso**
Smartphone?
**[12:40] Oso**
You just suddenly had one.
**[12:42] Oso**
You never said you were going to buy one,
and you never told us after you did.
**[12:47] Oso**
Where did you even get the money?
**[12:51] Oso**
And then there's Sutabaa.
**[12:52] Oso**
Don't secretly get a job. Tell us.
**[12:55] Oso**
Besides, we're all NEETs.
**[12:57] Oso**
Don't you think it's wrong for one of us
**[12:59] Oso**
to get a job on his own?
**[13:01] Todo**
Hmm...
**[13:05] Todo**
I don't think so.
**[13:07] Oso**
Oh, so you don't. I guess
it can't be helped, then.
**[13:10] Todo**
Nope. Can't be helped.
**[13:15] Oso**
Of course you can help it! Tell us!
**[13:18] Oso**
My loneliness is strangling my heart!
**[13:20] Choro**
Totty, I'll be frank.
**[13:23] Choro**
You don't have a heart.
**[13:24] Todo**
Huh?!
**[13:25] Choro**
You're a dried-up monster
who can't care about others.
**[13:27] Todo**
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't
understand what you're saying at all.
**[13:31] Choro**
Right, Dr. Ichimatsu? He's a monster, right?
**[13:35] Ichi**
That is correct, Choroice.
**[13:37] ---**
Who are you?!
**[13:38] Ichi**
I've known this for a while.
**[13:41] Ichi**
He is a monster whose heart dried up long ago.
**[13:44] Ichi**
If one of us brothers were
to disappear tomorrow,
**[13:48] Ichi**
he probably wouldn't even notice.
**[13:50] Four**
S-Seriously?
**[13:52] Todo**
Of course I would!
**[13:53] Todo**
If someone didn't notice, they wouldn't
be a monster. Just spaced out!
**[13:57] Oso**
Honestly, you have no interest
in other people, do you?
**[13:59] Todo**
I do!
**[14:00] Oso**
You don't care if something good
**[14:01] Oso**
or bad happens to someone you know, do you?
**[14:03] Todo**
That's not true! I have feelings!
**[14:06] Oso**
They why didn't you tell us about Mount Fuji?
**[14:08] Todo**
I-I didn't really think you guys
would be interested if I told you...
**[14:12] Oso**
There it is. "No interest."
**[14:14] Todo**
But that's...
**[14:15] Oso**
That's the same thing. If you think
the other person isn't interested,
**[14:20] Oso**
that means if it were the other way around,
**[14:22] Oso**
you wouldn't be interested, either.
**[14:24] Oso**
You're so cold... So dried-up.
**[14:28] Choro**
Dr. Ichimatsu, it's been
proven that he's a monster.
**[14:32] Ichi**
Oh, sorry. I took that off.
**[14:36] Todo**
Then let me ask you this.
**[14:38] Todo**
When do I need to tell you
when something's happened?
**[14:40] Todo**
Things I should tell all of you,
and things I don't need to tell you...
**[14:43] Todo**
I can't see the line that separates those.
**[14:45] Oso**
Mount Fuji was definitely something
you should have mentioned.
**[14:47] Todo**
So I should have mentioned Mount Fuji.
**[14:48] Todo**
Got it. I'm sorry.
**[14:50] Oso**
Good.
**[14:52] Todo**
And when I climbed the
Yatsugatake Mountains...
**[14:54] Oso**
It's not about mountains!
You seriously don't get it!
**[14:57] Choro**
Totty, it's not like we're brothers
who love Mount Fuji or anything.
**[15:02] Todo**
Really?
**[15:03] Choro**
Not "Really?"!
**[15:04] Oso**
I mean, we didn't even know
you were climbing mountains.
**[15:07] Oso**
You should have started by telling us that.
**[15:09] Choro**
Exactly.
**[15:10] Todo**
This is hard...
**[15:11] Both**
It's hard?!
**[15:13] Todo**
Then what about what I ate for dinner?
**[15:15] Oso**
You don't need to tell us that.
**[15:16] Todo**
What if I go to pachinko?
**[15:17] Choro**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:18] Todo**
What if I see a movie?
**[15:19] Oso**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:21] Ichi**
Uh, actually...
**[15:24] Ichi**
When you're seeing a movie at the theater
and not on DVD, I might want you to tell me.
**[15:28] Oso**
Exactly! That's the line I'm
talking about, Ichimatsu!
**[15:30] Oso**
You get it! You have common sense!
**[15:32] Oso**
You might just make it out in the world!
**[15:35] Ichi**
Seriously? Thanks! Thanks!
**[15:38] Todo**
Gross...
**[15:39] Choro**
Don't say "gross."
**[15:42] Todo**
What about when I get my driver's license?
**[15:45] Ichi**
Of course you should tell us.
**[15:47] Todo**
What about when I cut my hair?
**[15:48] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us that.
**[15:49] Todo**
My morning run?
**[15:51] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:52] Todo**
When I started playing Go?
**[15:53] Ichi**
You don't have to tell us.
**[15:54] Todo**
What?! So I *don't* have to tell you, then!
**[15:56] Todo**
What the heck? What was
this whole waste of time?
**[15:58] Ichi**
H-He plays dirty.
**[16:01] Ichi**
The way that was going, it would
sound like he didn't have to tell us.
**[16:04] Oso**
Yeah, with how things were just going.
**[16:06] Choro**
Yeah, in that case, you wouldn't
have to tell us about Go.
**[16:11] Todo**
This is so friggin' annoying!
**[16:13] Todo**
That's enough. I get it.
**[16:15] Todo**
I'll tell you guys everything from now on.
**[16:16] Todo**
I won't hide anything.
That's what you want, right?
**[16:20] Oso**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Everything About Todomatsu!
**[16:24] Todo**
All right, here we go.
Everything about Todomatsu.
**[16:28] Oso**
Uh-oh. Looks like some
weird switch got flipped.
**[16:30] Todo**
I'll tell you everything,
right here, right now,
**[16:33] Todo**
so no more telling me to tell you
this or that. Just listen.
**[16:36] Choro**
Er, Totty—
**[16:37] Todo**
Okay, we'll start with this...
***SIGN*** Fetishes
**[16:39] Todo**
Fetishes.
**[16:41] Todo**
My perverted side. I've always told
you guys that I have a fetish for legs,
**[16:45] Todo**
but it's actually something
much deeper than that.
**[16:49] Todo**
The wrinkles on bellybuttons.
***SIGN*** Wrinkles on Bellybuttons
**[16:52] Todo**
More perverted than you thought, right?
But I don't care if you guys know.
**[16:55] Todo**
Because we're close brothers
who tell each other everything.
**[17:01] Todo**
All right, next.
**[17:02] Choro**
Uh, Tot—
**[17:03] Todo**
My brothers ranking!
***SIGN*** Brothers Ranking
**[17:06] Todo**
What's this, you ask?
**[17:08] Todo**
Well, I have five older brothers,
and I secretly have an order I like them in.
**[17:14] Todo**
All right, here we go! Number one is...
**[17:16] Five**
Stop!
**[17:19] Oso**
Just stop! Y-You don't have to tell us that!
**[17:22] Todo**
But why? You're my brothers.
**[17:23] Oso**
This is too risky. It'll cause a
rift in our future relationship.
**[17:27] Choro**
And what kind of ranking
is that to have, anyway?
**[17:30] Todo**
To be honest, to be painfully honest here...
**[17:32] Todo**
We may be brothers, but there are some
of you I get along with more than others,
**[17:36] Todo**
so the ranking just naturally happened.
**[17:38] Oso**
Y-Yeah, but...
**[17:40] Cho**
You agree?!
**[17:40] Todo**
By the way, Osomatsu-niisan, your rank is...
**[17:42] Oso**
I told you not to say it!
***SIGN*** Oversized Trash
**[17:44] Choro**
Why? Why doesn't he understand
where that perfect line is?
**[17:47] Choro**
What are we supposed to do,
after hearing "wrinkles on bellybuttons"?
**[17:50] Choro**
Brothers ranking?
**[17:51] Choro**
Whoever ranked last has no choice but to die!
**[17:54] Ichi**
Hey, isn't this enough?
**[17:57] Ichi**
It's 9 PM. The bath house is gonna close.
**[18:01] Oso**
Oh...
**[18:05] Oso**
So cold!
**[18:08] Kara**
T-Totty... Just curious, what rank am I?
**[18:12] Todo**
Why, you're first, of course!
**[18:13] Kara**
All right!
**[18:15] Oso**
What?! Then what about me?
**[18:18] Todo**
You're first.
**[18:21] Choro**
Totty...
**[18:22] Choro**
Don't say anything anymore.
**[18:22] Kara**
All right! All right!
**[18:24] Choro**
You don't have to tell us anything anymore.
**[18:26] Ichi**
Huh? Where's Jyushimatsu?
**[18:28] Todo**
Hm?
**[18:29] Todo**
Oh, yeah. I don't see him.
**[18:30] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
We're going to the bath house.
**[18:33] Jyu**
What? That's impossible!
**[18:36] Jyu**
My stock...
**[18:37] Jyu**
Fraudulent accounting? I lost all of it?
**[18:40] Jyu**
That can't be!
**[18:41] Jyu**
I'll be right there!
**[18:45] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:47] Oso**
We really don't know anything
about each other, do we?
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu-sensei"
**[20:23] Todo**
You wanted to see me,
Vice Principal Choromatsu?
**[20:25] Choro**
Ah, Todomatsu-sensei.
Sorry to ask for you so suddenly.
**[20:30] Todo**
It's okay.
**[20:31] Choro**
I wanted to discuss the cultural festival
program you turned in the other day...
**[20:36] Choro**
There are a number of issues with it.
***SIGN*** Matsuno High School Cultural Fair Plan
**[20:38] Todo**
Issues?
**[20:39] Choro**
Yes. Well, I personally enjoyed it.
**[20:42] Choro**
However, in this day in age,
**[20:44] Choro**
there's the board of education,
press, and parents to consider,
**[20:47] Choro**
not to mention the health
and safety of our students.
**[20:49] Choro**
We must make sure our morals
are never compromised.
**[20:51] Choro**
So there are a few things I'd like you to revise.
**[20:55] Todo**
Okay...
***SIGN*** Cultural Fair
**[20:57] Choro**
First, this arch. Could we cancel this?
**[21:00] Todo**
Huh? What's wrong with it?
**[21:02] Choro**
If the students are going
to be walking through it,
**[21:04] Choro**
that means the structure will
be about 4 meters tall, right?
**[21:07] Todo**
Uh, calling it a structure
might be a bit much.
**[21:09] Choro**
If it were to collapse,
students would get hurt.
**[21:11] Todo**
No, it'll be fine. We'll make
sure it doesn't collapse.
**[21:15] Choro**
What if a typhoon with wind speeds of
500 meters per second hits that day?!
**[21:19] Todo**
Then the whole cultural
festival would be canceled.
**[21:21] Choro**
No, it's too dangerous.
Just thinking about it terrifies me.
**[21:24] Todo**
Um, maybe you're overthinking it?
**[21:26] Todo**
If you think about things like that,
there'll be no end to it.
**[21:28] Todo**
Besides, it'd be made of
Styrofoam, so even if it fell—
**[21:31] Choro**
Styrofoam?! What if the
students accidentally eat it?!
**[21:34] Todo**
Babies? Are our students babies?!
**[21:37] Choro**
Also, this haunted house. This is bad news.
**[21:40] Todo**
Huh?
**[21:40] Choro**
Scaring people who go into the
house and making them scream...
**[21:44] Choro**
This is clearly bullying.
**[21:45] Todo**
Bullying?! How?!
**[21:47] Choro**
Well, it's very scary.
**[21:49] Tod**
Well, it is a haunted house.
**[21:51] Choro**
Please don't scare people inside the house,
so it won't look like bullying.
**[21:55] Tod**
But then they'll just be walking through a house!
**[21:57] Tod**
That's boring as hell!
**[21:59] Choro**
My, my, what is this attitude?
**[22:01] Choro**
If you can't obey my orders,
I'll just have to dock your pay.
**[22:04] Choro**
I'll write nasty things about you on SNS
**[22:06] Choro**
and force the cultural
fair itself to be canceled.
**[22:08] Todo**
That's bullying, isn't it? You're clearly
bullying me right now, aren't you?
**[22:12] Choro**
I'd rather you call it power harassment.
**[22:13] Todo**
That's not okay, either!
***SIGN*** Live Band Concert
**[22:15] Choro**
Also, this live band concert...
**[22:17] Todo**
Er, yes?
**[22:19] Choro**
I...
**[22:21] Choro**
am very much looking forward to it.
**[22:23] Todo**
So you're okay with this?
**[22:24] Choro**
I love concerts.
**[22:26] Todo**
You like them?!
**[22:27] Choro**
No music, no life.
**[22:29] Todo**
Oh, shut your mouth!
***SIGN*** High-Quality, High-Fidelity Audio System!
**[22:31] Todo**
Well, anyway, please look forward to it.
**[22:32] Todo**
To ensure a great concert this year,
**[22:34] Todo**
we're prepared some
high-quality AV equipment.
**[22:37] Choro**
AV?
**[22:38] Todo**
Pardon?
**[22:38] Choro**
AV?!
**[22:39] Todo**
Yes... AV equipment.
**[22:41] Todo**
Er, AV, AV equipment...
**[22:43] Todo**
Did you hear me? AV *equipment*!
**[22:46] Todo**
Vice Principal?!
**[22:47] Choro**
How could have this happened?
**[22:48] Choro**
If the board of education learned
of this, they'd have my head.
**[22:51] Todo**
No, it's AV as in "audio visual"...
**[22:53] Choro**
Of course I know that! But when
the students hear "AV equipment,"
**[22:57] Choro**
they might think of the other
thing and get weird ideas.
**[23:00] Todo**
No, they won't!
**[23:01] Choro**
I mean, I'm sort of getting weird ideas right now.
**[23:05] Todo**
Seriously? You're a total pervert!
**[23:06] Todo**
You're actually the most perverted of all!
***SIGN*** Frankfurters
1 for 200 yen
**[23:09] Todo**
Also, at the food stalls,
we'll be selling frankfurters.
**[23:11] Choro**
Frankfurters?!
***SIGN*** Chocolate Bananas
***SIGN*** 1 for 200 yen
**[23:13] Todo**
Also, chocolate bananas.
**[23:14] Choro**
Chocolate bananas?!
***SIGN*** Mango Juice
***SIGN*** 300 yen
**[23:15] Todo**
As well as mango juice...
**[23:16] Choro**
Mango juice?!
***SIGN*** Roasted Chestnuts
***SIGN*** 100g 200 yen
**[23:18] Todo**
Roasted chestnuts...
**[23:18] Choro**
Roasted chestnuts?!
***SIGN*** Yakisoba
***SIGN*** 1 Pack 200 yen
**[23:20] Todo**
And yakisoba.
**[23:21] Choro**
Yakisoba?!
**[23:23] Todo**
Vice Principal?! What did you
just feel towards yakisoba?!
**[23:26] Choro**
I love pickled ginger!
**[23:30] Todo**
Whats wrong?! What the hell is
going on inside you right now?!
**[23:33] Todo**
Are you okay?! Are you okay, Vice Principal?!
**[23:37] Choro**
Vice Principal?
***SIGN*** Vice Principal
***SIGN*** (Teach)
***SIGN*** (Head)
**[23:39] Choro**
It's written as "head that teaches..."
**[23:42] Choro**
Vice Principal!
**[23:44] Todo**
What the hell?! I can't do
or say anything anymore!
***SIGN*** End
# E15 - Interview / The Life of Chibita's Flower
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY190G21R/interview--the-life-of-chibitas-flower)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Guy**
Pardon me! Thank you for seeing me!
***SIGN*** Job Interview
***SIGN*** "Interview"
**[01:49] Guy**
Th-Thank you very much.
**[01:55] Choro**
Honestly, they're all the same.
**[01:57] Chor O**
Nothing interesting about them at all.
**[01:59] Choro**
They all look exactly the same.
**[02:01] Choro**
Now, then... I have half of the
candidates left. Let's get this over with.
**[02:04] Choro**
Next, please.
**[02:09] Choro**
Next person, please?
**[02:10] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:12] Choro**
Hm?
**[02:13] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:15] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:17] Choro**
Hm?
**[02:21] Choro**
Huh? Um, hello?
**[02:22] Choro**
Please come in.
**[02:26] Choro**
Um...
**[02:26] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:28] Choro**
Yes...
**[02:29] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:30] Choro**
Yes, yes.
**[02:31] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:32] Choro**
Yes, indeed.
**[02:35] Choro**
Um, please come into the room.
**[02:37] Choro**
Why?! Hey! Come into the room!
**[02:39] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:41] Jyu**
Oh, pardon me!
**[02:42] Jyu**
Oh, my, pardon me! Now then, pardon me!
**[02:46] Choro**
Uh...
**[02:47] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:48] Choro**
Yes...
**[02:49] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:50] Choro**
Yeah, about that...
**[02:51] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[02:53] Choro**
Um... Matsuno Jyushimatsu-san?
**[02:55] Jyu**
Yes! I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[03:00] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:01] Jyu**
Yes.
**[03:02] Choro**
Please get your butt away from my face.
**[03:04] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[03:04] Choro**
Oh, you actually stopped when I asked.
**[03:07] Choro**
I should have asked sooner.
**[03:08] Choro**
Please, have a seat.
**[03:09] Jyu**
Pardon me.
**[03:10] Choro**
You shouldn't sit on the desk.
**[03:12] Choro**
Please have a seat over there.
**[03:14] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[03:15] Choro**
Er, in the seat.
**[03:16] Jyu**
Pardon me!
**[03:17] Choro**
You actually do what I ask...
**[03:20] Choro**
Now then, once again,
**[03:22] Choro**
Matsuno Jyushimatsu-san...
**[03:24] Jyu**
Yes! I'm Jyushimatsu!
**[03:25] Choro**
First of all,
**[03:27] Choro**
let's not make weird faces.
**[03:29] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[03:29] Choro**
Stop.
**[03:30] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[03:31] Choro**
Seriously, stop.
**[03:31] Jyu**
'Kay, 'kay.
**[03:33] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:37] Choro**
Jyushi... Jyushimatsu-san?
**[03:39] Choro**
Hey, don't go off somewhere!
**[03:40] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, come back!
**[03:45] Choro**
Now then... Please tell me
what motivated you to apply.
**[03:48] Jyu**
What? Palpitated?!
**[03:50] Choro**
No, not palpitated.
**[03:52] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[03:53] Choro**
Not "Bweh!" This is an
interview, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[03:59] Choro**
I just asked you not to go off somewhere,
Jyushimatsu-san! Come back!
**[04:02] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[04:03] Choro**
Not "Bweh!"
**[04:05] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:05] Choro**
Let's not make weird faces.
**[04:07] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:07] Choro**
Can we stop?
**[04:09] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:11] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, is there anything
you want to do at our company?
**[04:17] Choro**
Please stop, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:18] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san. Jyushimatsu-san!
**[04:21] Choro**
Don't go off somewhere while
biting my head, Jyushimatsu-san!
**[04:24] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san, come back!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Jyushimatsu
**[04:26] Choro**
Um, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:28] Jyu**
Yes.
**[04:29] Choro**
Try to show some restraint.
**[04:30] Jyu**
'Kay.
**[04:30] Choro**
This is an interview.
**[04:32] Jyu**
Yes, it is.
**[04:33] Choro**
Can you promise me you won't do that again?
**[04:35] Jyu**
I promise.
**[04:36] Choro**
Very good. Let us start the interview.
**[04:40] Choro**
Um, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[04:41] Jyu**
Bweh!
**[04:42] Choro**
Not "Bweh!"
***SIGN*** Baseball!!!
**[04:44] Choro**
Oh, I see that you're skilled in baseball.
**[04:46] Jyu**
Yeah! I love baseball!
**[04:48] Choro**
I see. Did you play when you were a student?
**[04:52] Choro**
What's the matter, Jyushimatsu-san?
Why are you stripping?
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[04:55] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san? Jyushimatsu-san?
**[04:58] Choro**
Someone just came in, Jyushimatsu-san.
**[05:00] Choro**
Who the hell is that, Jyushimatsu-san?
**[05:03] Choro**
You're kidding, right, Jyushimatsu-san?!
***SIGN*** Interview
**[05:06] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san! This is an interview!
**[05:08] Choro**
That's dangerous, Jyushimatsu-san!
**[05:09] Choro**
Seriously, who is that, Jyushimatsu-san?!
**[05:10] Ichi**
Nice.
**[05:11] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san?! Jyushima—
**[05:14] Choro**
Jyushimatsu... Jyushi—
Hey... Jyushi— Hey...
**[05:18] Choro**
Could you please stop batting this instant?!
**[05:21] Jyu**
'Kay!
**[05:22] Choro**
You actually stop if I ask!
**[05:25] Ichi**
He's a really great guy.
**[05:32] Jyu**
As you can see, I love baseball.
**[05:36] Choro**
Jyushimatsu-san.
**[05:38] Choro**
I hate to say this, considering the
interview hasn't even started yet, but...
**[05:45] Choro**
Please let me take a break.
**[05:47] Jyu**
'Kay.
***SIGN*** President's Office
**[05:53] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[05:54] Choro**
I can't get mad! I can't find
the right timing to get mad!
**[05:58] Oso**
Huh?
**[05:58] Choro**
If it were some guy who wasn't
taking the job seriously,
**[06:01] Choro**
or spewing self-enlightenment
crap, I could get mad.
**[06:03] Choro**
But his actions are so unpredictable
that I miss my chance to get angry.
**[06:08] Choro**
I mean, he put his ass in my face.
He was biting my head!
**[06:11] Choro**
He was batting! How the hell do I get mad?
**[06:13] Choro**
Somehow, there isn't much reason to get mad!
**[06:16] Oso**
What are you talking about?
**[06:17] Oso**
There are plenty of reasons to get mad.
**[06:19] Choro**
Then you do it! You'll find it hard to get mad!
**[06:22] Kara**
He's a genius. Let's hire him immediately.
**[06:24] Todo**
Yes, he sounds wonderful.
**[06:25] Oso**
Hey, you don't actually
plan on hiring him, do you?
**[06:28] Choro**
Of course not, you idiot! If we
hire him, our company is done for!
**[06:31] Oso**
What are you going to do?
**[06:36] Choro**
C-Could you go be the interviewer for me?
**[06:39] Oso**
Guess I don't have a choice.
I'll whip him into shape.
**[06:44] Choro**
Don't let your guard down.
Make sure you get mad at him.
**[06:46] Oso**
I know that.
**[06:47] Choro**
Don't get sucked into his pace.
**[06:50] Oso**
Yeah.
**[06:52] Oso**
All right, Jyushimatsu-san.
Let's continue the interview...
**[07:01] Oso**
How the hell am I supposed to get mad at that?!
**[07:03] Choro**
See?! We didn't learn how to handle that, right?
**[07:05] Kara**
He's a genius. Let's hire him.
**[07:08] Todo**
I'm getting wet.
**[07:10] Choro**
What should we do?
**[07:12] Jyu**
What're you gonna do?
**[07:14] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-san!
**[07:15] Jyu**
Are you going to hire me, or not?
**[07:20] Choro**
J-Jyushimatsu-san, which
do you think would be best?
**[07:26] Jyu**
You probably shouldn't hire me.
**[07:34] Ichi**
You sure you don't want to hire him?
**[07:36] Ichi**
You won't see him again.
**[07:39] Ichi**
That's a bit of a shame, isn't it?
**[07:44] Choro**
Er...
**[07:46] Both**
Who the hell are you?
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[07:50] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
**[07:55] Jyu**
What the heck? It's freezing.
**[07:57] Coro**
There's nothing here.
**[07:58] Ichi**
It's like, the boonies.
**[07:59] Kara**
Hey, aren't you guys hungry?
**[08:01] Todo**
I have some snacks. Pistachio macarons.
**[08:04] Kra**
What? Sweets?
**[08:04] Oso**
Hey! Hurry up, everyone!
**[08:06] Oso**
The bus for the inn leaves at 26 after.
**[08:08] Kara**
Hey, I'm hungry.
**[08:10] Choro**
Why are we running?
**[08:11] Ichi**
It's cold.
**[08:11] Jyu**
I wanted to see the gift shop.
**[08:12] Oso**
We can do that later!
***SIGN*** Kodakara Hot Springs
**[08:15] Choro**
Aw, man.
**[08:15] Kara**
This sucks.
**[08:16] Oso**
Why?! Why can't you guys run properly?
**[08:18] Jyu**
Aw, but I did.
**[08:20] Ichi**
Hey, why don't we get a taxi?
**[08:22] Oso**
No. It's only 980 yen for the bus,
**[08:24] Oso**
but a taxi would be around 5,000 yen.
**[08:26] Ichi**
Well, we're on vacation,
so that should be fine.
**[08:28] Ichi**
You miser.
**[08:28] Oso**
Miser?!
**[08:29] Kara**
Hey, the bus left, so we need to
figure out what we're going to do.
**[08:33] Jyu**
What should we do?
**[08:34] Jyu**
It'd probably be tough to walk
around with all of our luggage.
**[08:36] Choro**
Osoko, where's the inn?
**[08:38] Oso**
I emailed you. Didn't you read it?
**[08:40] Choro**
Sorry. I just figured you'd remember.
**[08:43] Choro**
Teehee.
**[08:44] Oso**
One sec. I'll look at the memo...
**[08:46] Jyu**
What? You don't remember either, Osoko?
**[08:48] Oso**
"Either"? What's that supposed to mean?
**[08:50] Oso**
I'm totally different from Choroko!
**[08:52] Jyu**
Well, you don't remember, do you?
**[08:54] Kra**
Everyone, don't be so testy.
**[08:55] Kara**
I bet it's because you're all hungry.
**[08:57] Kara**
Let's go eat somewhere by the station.
**[08:58] Choro**
What should we do?
We'd sort of be heading back.
**[09:00] Jyu**
Aw, I'm fine with whatever.
**[09:02] Kara**
Then let's go! You guys are hungry, right?!
**[09:05] Oso**
Hey, you need to think about this, too, Todoko.
**[09:07] Oso**
Stop taking weird pictures.
**[09:09] Choro**
W-Weird pictures...
**[09:11] Jyu**
I was wondering about that, too.
**[09:12] Oso**
Hey, Todoko?! You're not
supposed to go off on your own!
***SIGN*** Kodakara Hot Springs
**[09:15] Oso**
Todoko!
**[09:19] Oso**
Hey, cheer up. We're on vacation.
**[09:22] Oso**
Oh, apparently there's a sex museum nearby.
Wanna go? You might be able to take pictures.
**[09:26] Todo**
Not interested.
**[09:27] Oso**
What? Why would you say that?
**[09:29] Todo**
I'm not interested at all.
**[09:31] Todo**
Why don't the five of you go?
**[09:32] Oso**
But...
**[09:33] Ichi**
That's fine. She says she doesn't want
to go, so let's just leave her alone.
**[09:36] Todo**
Yeah, just leave me alone.
**[09:38] Oso**
Why do you two have to say it like that?
**[09:40] Choro**
You guys are scary.
**[09:42] Jyu**
So scary...
**[09:42] Oso**
What is it with you guys, at a time like this?
**[09:44] Todo**
I'm going to go do my own thing. Bye.
**[09:47] Jyu**
Wait, what? Lame.
**[09:48] Ichi**
I'm going, too.
**[09:50] Choro**
You too? Why?
**[09:51] Ichi**
It's cold, and I don't want
to skimp out on my vacation.
**[09:54] Ichi**
We can just meet at the inn, right?
**[09:56] Kara**
What do you want to do?
Go to the sex museum?
**[09:58] Jyu**
Huh? I'm okay with either.
**[10:00] Choro**
Same. I don't care if we go in or not.
**[10:03] Kara**
Hey, Osoko. Decide for us.
**[10:05] Jyu**
Yeah, decide for us.
**[10:07] Choro**
We don't care what we do.
**[10:08] Kara**
But I'm hungry.
**[10:09] Jyu**
Hurry!
**[10:10] Oso**
That's enough!
**[10:12] Oso**
Every single time, it's up to me to decide!
**[10:15] Oso**
Why? And then all of you complain later!
**[10:17] Oso**
I'm never going on vacation
with you guys again!
**[10:19] Oso**
Never!
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[10:26] Todo**
Here are my pictures from the other day.
**[10:31] Kara**
Awesome! They're so cute!
**[10:33] Kara**
Wanna go somewhere
on our next long weekend?
**[10:34] Oso**
Yeah, totally!
**[10:35] Ichi**
I'm free.
**[10:37] Choro**
Where should we go?
**[10:38] Jyu**
Sounds good!
***SIGN*** "The Life of Chibita's Flower"
**[10:46] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[10:47] Chibi**
This is no good at all.
**[10:49] Chibi**
I have to make more adjustments...
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
**[10:52] Chibi**
I'm gonna go all-out, you idjits.
**[10:58] Cibi**
The hell?!
**[11:00] Chiibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[11:01] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
***SIGN*** Red Wine
**[11:04] Chibi**
I'll put in a secret ingredient.
**[11:06] Chibi**
Hmm... That's iffy!
This will never be the best!
**[11:10] Chibi**
If my oden isn't the best in Japan...
**[11:11] Chibi**
No, the best in the galaxy, there's no point!
***SIGN*** Oden
**[11:18] Girl**
That's so good!
**[11:19] Guy**
Right? Convenience stores are no joke.
**[11:21] Girl**
I know!
**[11:22] Chibi**
That ain't oden.
**[11:23] Chibi**
Oden takes a lot more heart...
**[11:28] Chibi**
This isn't even oden!
**[11:30] Chibi**
Damn it... Just you wait!
**[11:34] Oso**
Chibita, we're here to eat!
**[11:36] Chibi**
Welcome...
**[11:38] Todo**
Wh-What's wrong? Your eyes are all messed up.
**[11:40] Choro**
I think you're thinking too much about oden.
**[11:42] Choo**
You've got oden growing out of your head.
**[11:47] Oso**
That's no good. You should
take a day off once in a while.
**[11:49] Chibi**
Shut up, you idjit.
**[11:51] Chibi**
I'm gonna make the best oden in the world.
**[11:53] Chibi**
I'm not a NEET like you guys.
**[11:55] Oso**
Well, I'm going to be the
best NEET in the world, so...
**[11:58] Choro**
What are you talking about?
**[11:59] Todo**
More importantly, oden! Hurry!
**[12:00] Oso**
O-de-n! O-de-n!
**[12:02] Chibi**
All right, you idjits. Comin' right up.
**[12:05] Chibi**
You better be thankful. This is the
ultimate oden that I just created.
**[12:10] Oso**
The ultimate oden?
**[12:11] Chibi**
This is it, you idjits!
**[12:18] Oso**
Huh?
**[12:19] Chibi**
The ultimate oden.
**[12:21] Chibi**
It exists within all of our hearts.
**[12:26] Kara**
I see...
**[12:27] Todo**
"I see," my ass!
**[12:28] Todo**
This isn't good, Chibita. You're sick.
**[12:30] Ichi**
Not good.
**[12:30] Choro**
Yeah, not good.
**[12:31] Oso**
Not good. Right, Jyushimatsu?
**[12:33] Jyu**
Not good! Even I can tell!
**[12:35] Six**
Not good, not good, not good...
**[12:35] Six**
Seriously not good. What the hell?
**[12:37] Chibi**
Shut up, you idjits! If you're gonna complain, leave!
**[12:41] Oso**
Hey, we didn't get to eat.
**[12:42] Todo**
He never would listen to anyone.
He's always been so stubborn.
**[12:49] Chibi**
Leave me alone, you idjits.
**[12:50] Chibi**
I don't care what you guys say.
I'm going to make the best oden,
**[12:54] Chibi**
no matter what.
**[13:00] Chibi**
You dumb thing. You shouldn't be
growing in a place like this.
**[13:05] Chibi**
But I guess I'm just like you...
**[13:09] Chibi**
Always alone.
**[13:14] Chibi**
Well, see ya.
**[13:22] Chibi**
It's no use!
**[13:23] Chibi**
Taste better, you idjit! Come on!
**[13:25] Chibi**
Taste better! Damn it...
**[13:28] Flowe**
Hi.
**[13:31] Chibi**
Sorry, miss. I don't have anything
I consider fit to serve today.
**[13:36] Girl**
You really do only think about oden.
**[13:39] Chibi**
Wh-Who are you?
**[13:41] Girl**
You're Chibita-san, right?
**[13:43] Chibi**
Why do you know my name?
**[13:45] Girl**
May I sit down?
**[13:46] Chibi**
Hey, I told you, today's oden...
**[13:48] Hana**
No, I don't want any oden.
**[13:51] Girl**
Chibita-san, will you go on a date with me?
**[13:55] Chibi**
D-Date?
**[13:57] Girl**
Yes.
**[13:59] Chibi**
I don't know who the hell you are,
but badger games aren't good.
**[14:03] Girl**
Who you callin' a badger game, you idjit?
**[14:07] Chibi**
You're not?
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
**[14:09] Girl**
It's a sincere request for a date.
**[14:11] Chibi**
Why?
**[14:13] Girl**
Because I want to go on a date with you.
**[14:14] Chibi**
But why?
**[14:16] Girl**
Because I like you, Chibita-san.
**[14:18] Chibi**
Yeah, but why would you like...
**[14:21] Chibi**
What?!
**[14:24] Chibi**
Ow...
**[14:25] Girl**
You okay?
**[14:27] Chibi**
The hell?! Don't screw with me, damn it!
**[14:29] Girl**
I'm not! Don't you want
to go on a date with me?
**[14:31] Chibi**
Er, well...
**[14:33] Girl**
Could it be you already have a girlfriend?
**[14:38] Chibi**
My only girlfriend is oden, you idjit.
**[14:40] Girl**
You totally just said oden was
your girlfriend! Holy crap!
**[14:42] Chibi**
More importantly, who the hell are you?
**[14:44] Chibi**
Comin' outta nowhere, saying you like
me and want to date me, and stuff!
**[14:48] Girl**
Sorry about that.
**[14:50] Girl**
I'm the flower fairy.
**[14:52] Chibi**
Flower...?
**[14:53] Girl**
Flower Fairy.
**[14:54] Girl**
You saved me yesterday, remember?
**[14:57] Girl**
I wanted to thank you, so I wished really
hard and, somehow, I ended up like this.
**[15:03] Chibi**
Are you okay? Like hell that'd happen.
**[15:03] Girl**
It's a total miracle!
**[15:06] Girl**
Right? It's so weird!
**[15:08] Chibi**
Anyway, I'm busy, so...
**[15:10] Girl**
Chibita-san!
**[15:10] Chibi**
Y-Yes?
**[15:12] Girl**
Just thinking about oden all the time
won't help you make good oden.
**[15:15] Chibi**
What? What do you know?
**[15:17] Girl**
I don't know about oden, but
I know about you, Chibita-san.
**[15:21] Chibi**
Why?
**[15:23] Girl**
Because I like you.
**[15:28] Girl**
Now, let's go on a date.
**[15:29] Chibi**
I'm not going.
**[15:30] Girl**
Come take a break!
**[15:31] Chibi**
I don't need one.
***SIGN*** Traffic Safety Week
***SIGN*** Wanted
***SIGN*** Deaths Accidents
**[15:34] Kara**
Where can I find a flower that's
about to wilt around here?
**[15:37] Guy**
What are you talking about?
You're under arrest.
**[15:42] Kara**
Ah!
**[15:42] Kara**
There it is!
**[15:45] Kara**
What's the matter, my flower?
You don't look well.
**[15:48] Kara**
Want a drink?
**[15:51] Kara**
No need to thank me. But I'll
give you my address, just in case.
**[15:56] Kara**
It's in Akatsuka Ward, Tokyo...
**[15:58] Girl**
Come on, hurry up!
**[16:00] Chibi**
Hey! I don't have time for this...
**[16:02] Chibi**
We're so high up! All the people
and buildings look so small.
**[16:05] Girl**
Right?
**[16:07] Chibi**
It's just like oden. One thing
can't stand out more than another.
**[16:11] Girl**
Jeez. Oden again?
**[16:14] Chibi**
What is this?!
**[16:15] Girl**
Right?
**[16:16] Chibi**
Oden needs surprises, too.
**[16:18] Girl**
Jeez!
**[16:20] Chibi**
Oh! Maybe I'll put this in oden
instead of shirataki noodles.
**[16:22] Hana**
Forget the oden, already.
**[16:24] Chibi**
What? But oden is my everything.
**[16:28] Girl**
So if we took oden from you,
there'd be nothing left of you?
**[16:31] Chibi**
S-Sorry to disappoint.
**[16:35] Girl**
Well, think about it. If someone
who only knew about oden made oden,
**[16:39] Girl**
that'd just be reproduction
on a regressive scale.
**[16:41] Girl**
New ideas and visions always
come from an another dimension.
**[16:44] Chibi**
A-Another what?
**[16:47] Girl**
Anyway, try to look at other things.
**[16:51] Chibi**
Other things?
**[16:56] Chibi**
Oh, it's sunny today.
**[16:59] Girl**
Huh?
**[17:00] Chibi**
Well, I've only been looking
at a pot all night long...
**[17:07] Oso**
But seriously, gentlemen,
we don't wanna work, do we?
**[17:11] Choro**
There's trouble!
**[17:12] Choro**
K-Karamatsu-niisan is...
**[17:14] Dobu**
Hey, Kara-chun.
**[17:16] Kara**
What's the matter, my flower?
**[17:18] Dobu**
What were you doing yesterday, Kara-chun?
**[17:20] Kara**
I was at home.
**[17:22] Dobu**
Really? You sure you weren't
with some other girl?
**[17:25] Dobu**
If you did something like that, I'd die!
**[17:29] Kara**
I wouldn't.
**[17:30] Dobu**
Then what were you doing this morning?
**[17:32] Kara**
Sleeping.
**[17:33] Dobu**
What?! With another woman?!
**[17:35] Kara**
No—
**[17:36] Dobu**
I'm gonna die! But before that,
I'm going to kill you, Kara-chun!
**[17:39] Kara**
Wai—
**[17:39] Oso**
Yeah, she's super ugly on the inside, too.
**[17:41] Ichi**
Looks like it, yup.
**[17:44] Girl**
You look wonderful, Chibita-san.
**[17:46] Chibi**
R-Really?
**[17:48] Girl**
Like it?
**[17:48] Chibi**
Y-Yeah, it's good.
**[17:56] Girl**
Isn't this fun, Chibita-san?
**[17:57] Chibi**
It's super fun! Yay!
**[18:02] Dobu**
Hey, Karamatsu. Ice cream.
**[18:04] Dobu**
Huh? What is this?
**[18:06] Dobu**
If it's not Baagen Dazs, I'm going to die.
**[18:08] Dobu**
You're okay with that?
**[18:09] Kara**
I'll go buy it!
**[18:11] Oso**
Hold it!
**[18:13] Todo**
Karamatsu-niisan, don't.
**[18:16] Todo**
I don't want to say this, but...
**[18:19] Todo**
She's insanely ugly inside and out!
**[18:23] Kara**
But if I'm not there for her...
**[18:25] Kara**
She gets lonely. I have to be by her side.
**[18:27] Todo**
Huh?
**[18:29] Ichi**
Yup. He's gone.
**[18:30] Dobu**
Kara-chun, if I don't eat Baagen Dazs
in the next hour, I'm gonna die!
**[18:36] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[18:38] Todo**
Are *you* serious?
**[18:46] Chibi**
Hey.
**[18:49] Chibi**
You've been hanging out with me
this whole time. Is that okay?
**[18:52] Girl**
Yes. As long as I get to be with you,
Chibita-san, I'm having fun.
**[18:57] Girl**
Are you having fun?
**[19:00] Chibi**
Y-Yeah...
**[19:01] Girl**
Good.
**[19:06] Chibi**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[19:08] Girl**
Looks like I'm just about done for.
**[19:10] Chibi**
What?
**[19:12] Girl**
But it's okay.
**[19:15] Girl**
The only reason I have this life
is because of you, Chibita-san.
**[19:18] Chibi**
What are you...
**[19:22] Chibi**
H-Hey!
**[19:25] Girl**
Keep on making delicious oden...
**[19:29] Girl**
And in the same way you
saved me, make others happy.
**[19:34] Chibi**
What the heck are you talking about, you idjit?!
**[19:37] Chibi**
If I'm with you, I don't care about oden!
**[19:43] Girl**
Yay... I won against oden.
**[19:48] Girl**
But you can't say that.
**[19:49] Girl**
Because you're going to make
the best oden in the galaxy.
**[19:55] Girl**
But if you're able to make it
someday, just remember me.
**[20:05] Chibi**
Wh-What is this?
**[20:08] Chibi**
What the hell is going on?
**[20:11] Girl**
Do your best, you idjit.
**[20:17] Chibi**
Hey! Hey!
**[20:31] Chibi**
Wh-What she said
**[20:34] Chibi**
was true.
**[20:36] Chibi**
And yet... Why did I...
**[20:50] Chibi**
That won't be enough to make you better, huh?
**[21:26] Oso**
Hey.
**[21:28] Oso**
What did you do on all those days you took off?
**[21:31] Jyu**
This is great!
**[21:33] Todo**
Huh?
**[21:34] Choro**
But isn't it...
**[21:36] Ichi**
...a bit...
**[21:38] Oso**
...salty?
**[21:39] Oso**
Hey, Chibita. I think you've lost
your touch since you've been away.
**[21:45] Chibi**
Oh, yeah?
**[21:50] Chibi**
That might be true.
**[21:58] Priest**
Do you, Karamatsu, swear to love and...
**[22:01] Dobu**
He swears! If he doesn't, I'll die!
**[22:03] Priest**
Then you may kiss the bride.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:41] Oso**
What? The preview?
**[23:43] Oso**
There's a new pachinko
place opening tomorrow,
**[23:45] Oso**
so let's forget about that and just go to bed.
***SIGN*** "The Ichimatsu Incident" And Others
**[23:47] Oso**
Man, waking up at 9 AM is so hard.
# E16 - Matsuno Matsunan / The Ichimatsu Incident
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYQ4Q3116/matsuno-matsunan--the-ichimatsu-incident)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Cat Café
***SIGN*** Now
Hiring
**[00:03] Guy**
Hey... Are you sure you want to work here?
**[00:09] Ichi**
Yes.
**[00:10] Guy**
Are you up for this?
**[00:11] Ichi**
Yes.
**[00:13] Guy**
You don't really look like it.
**[00:16] Guy**
Should we start with training, then?
**[00:18] Ichi**
Please.
**[00:26] Guy**
That's what you wanted to do?!
***SIGN*** "Matsuno Matsunan"
**[02:00] Nar**
* So this and that happened,*
* and a war broke out*
**[02:04] Nar**
* which destroyed the world,*
* and we were also destroyed.*
**[02:08] Nar**
*The earth split, the seas dried up...*
**[02:11] Nar**
*Earth lost all of its moisture,*
**[02:14] Nar**
* and the merciless UV rays*
* left everything parched.*
**[02:23] Guy**
M-My cracked lip...
**[02:27] Lady**
My rough heels...
**[02:29] Nar**
* The average age of everyone's*
* skin surpassed 200.*
**[02:39] Goon**
Iyami-sama, we've received intel that
there's been a new delivery up ahead.
**[02:44] Iyami**
We'll head there immediately.
**[02:48] Chibi**
We'll be able to obtain *that* again!
**[03:02] Old**
P-Please take this and...
**[03:04] Goon**
We don't want that!
**[03:06] Old**
W-We have water right here...
**[03:08] Goon**
That's not it!
**[03:09] Mom**
Please wait! Spare my child!
**[03:12] Goon**
A little girl, eh?
**[03:14] Goon**
But no one has any interest
in those these days.
**[03:17] Iya**
You people can't fool us!
**[03:20] Iya**
Hurry up and bring it out!
**[03:22] Chi**
Bring it out, you idjits!
**[03:24] Nar**
* In this age where humanity*
* has lost all moisture,*
**[03:28] Nar**
*there was one thing everyone would kill for.*
**[03:30] Nar**
*And that was...*
**[03:31] Goon**
Iyami-sama!
**[03:34] Goon**
We found it!
***SIGN*** Shi Shi
**[03:37] Vill**
P-Please wait!
**[03:38] Vill**
That's our last...
**[03:40] Nar**
*Yes, it was...*
**[03:43] Nar**
*Lubricant!*
**[03:48] Iya**
I can feel the moisture.
**[03:50] Boy**
Damn it! That's the last of our lubricant!
**[03:53] Boy**
Give it back!
**[03:54] Chi**
The hell?!
**[03:55] Chi**
We're the only ones allowed to feel all slippery!
**[03:58] Chi**
All of you can dry up completely for all we care!
**[04:02] Iyami**
Apply the lubricant!
**[04:04] Chibi**
Lubricant! Lubricant!
**[04:07] Iya**
Lubricant! Lubricant! Lubricant! Lubricant!
**[04:14] Six**
Hold it!
**[04:21] Oso**
In this world without moisture...
**[04:23] Kra**
The dried-up hearts of the people...
**[04:25] Choro**
...long for just one thing:
**[04:28] Ichi**
Tears of joy.
**[04:30] Jyu**
Who said that?
**[04:32] Todo**
The Matsu-of-the-Century messiahs.
**[04:35] Oso**
We'll make the world wet
with our lubricant of love!
**[04:38] Oso**
We're...
**[04:39] Six**
...F6!
**[04:48] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[04:50] Iya**
What are these creatures that
are overflowing with moisture?
**[04:53] Iya**
It's like the UV doesn't affect them at all!
**[04:55] Chibi**
They're just like peeled boiled eggs,
you idjits, damn it!
**[04:58] Iya**
Get 'em, boys!
**[05:11] Goon**
So weak!
**[05:12] Goon**
What the hell? Was that entrance
just for show? Are you stupid?
**[05:17] Todo**
Ouch...
**[05:19] Goon**
Huh?
**[05:20] Todo**
But...
**[05:22] Todo**
I know the fist you punched
me with hurts even more.
**[05:30] Goon**
Die!
**[05:35] Jyu**
Are you that impatient, my little kitten?
**[05:43] Goon**
My chest felt all tight,
and then I got all wet.
**[05:47] Chibi**
Y-You idjit! What are you admiring 'em for?
**[05:50] Chibi**
Take care of 'em already!
**[05:52] Goons**
Yes, sir!
**[05:54] Chibi**
That's not what I meant, you idjits!
**[05:56] Iya**
F-Fall back!
**[06:04] Kara**
I see... How tragic.
Everyone wants to feel slippery.
**[06:09] Ichi**
Keeping the gooey feeling to
themselves is unforgivable.
**[06:12] Choro**
Can't we get that soaking-wet
feeling back somehow?
**[06:16] Oso**
All right. Let's make everyone dripping wet.
**[06:24] Boy**
Wait!
**[06:26] Boy**
I'll go, too!
**[06:29] Oso**
I know. You're worried about your mom, right?
**[06:37] Oso**
Don't worry. We'll protect your
mom's life, no matter what.
**[06:43] Boy**
Really?
**[06:44] Oso**
Yup. So just wait here.
**[06:51] Boy**
Mom!
**[06:54] Boy**
Sh-She's dead!
**[07:06] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:08] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:09] Goon**
We've obtained new lubricant!
**[07:13] Deka**
Add it to the spring.
**[07:15] Deka**
There's nothing better than
when it's freely flowing.
**[07:21] Iya**
What shall we do with the troublemakers?
**[07:24] Deka**
Isn't that obvious? I won't let them get
away with not giving us the lubricant.
**[07:28] Goon**
Dekapan-sama!
**[07:29] Goon**
There are suspicious guys outside!
**[07:35] Deka**
That must be them.
**[07:37] Iya**
They use a strange... No, a beautiful technique.
**[07:42] Deka**
No need to worry.
**[07:44] Deka**
We're the evil, stingy,
treacherous, and ugly Oily Boys.
**[07:49] Deka**
Let's show them the power of being
evil, stingy, treacherous, and ugly!
**[08:00] Kara**
Hey.
**[08:01] Kara**
Is this really what you guys want to do?
**[08:06] Kara**
When there are such infinite possibilities...
**[08:18] Ichi**
Fine. Do what you want with me.
**[08:23] Ichi**
You can do whatever you want to me.
**[08:24] Goon**
I'm sorry! I don't have the courage to do that!
**[08:31] Choro**
Come on, stab me.
**[08:33] Choro**
Stab me. Hurt my face.
**[08:37] Goon**
I... I can't...
**[08:41] Choro**
Good boy.
**[08:47] Deka**
Wh-What in the world is going on?
**[08:50] Oso**
It's simple.
**[08:53] Oso**
You are already in love. Right?
**[09:01] Iya**
Sheeeh! I see right through you all!
**[09:05] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[09:08] Iya**
Take that, and that, and that...
**[09:10] Oso**
Hey, that's not me...
**[09:19] Iya**
Sheeeh! We finally did it!
**[09:21] Iya**
We have F6 cornered!
**[09:23] Chibi**
Serves you right, you idjits!
We low-lifes win in the end, damn it!
**[09:28] Iya**
Let's hurry up and finish them.
**[09:30] Chibi**
Got it!
**[09:52] Deka**
Wait.
**[09:54] Deka**
Before you kill them, just once,
**[09:59] Deka**
I want to pour this on them.
**[10:02] Chibi**
Actually... I was just thinking the same thing.
**[10:07] Iyam**
To be honest... Me, too.
**[10:10] Deka**
Just a little bit. Just a tiny little bit.
**[10:39] Deka**
I... I was wrong.
**[10:42] Chibi**
Lubricant is meant...
**[10:43] Iya**
...to be used like this!
**[10:57] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:00] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:00] Deka**
Keep it flowing.
**[11:02] Iya**
Hurry it up!
**[11:03] Jyu**
Yahoo!
**[11:06] Choro**
Hey, Jyushimatsu! I can't read my book!
**[11:09] Todo**
Hey.
**[11:12] Choro**
Now you've done it, Todomatsu!
**[11:19] Ichi**
Good grief.
**[11:20] Oso**
Ichimatsu, could you give me a massage?
**[11:22] Ichi**
Sure.
**[11:29] Girl**
H-Hey, is he...
**[11:33] Kara**
Not to worry. I'm wearing some.
**[11:38] Iya**
F6-sama! Some very optimistic slaves
have brought you new lubricant!
**[11:44] Todo**
What? Again?
**[11:46] Todo**
You guys are silly.
**[11:47] Todo**
We worked hard to get it back for you,
and this makes that pointless.
**[11:51] Todo**
Why don't you guys use it?
**[11:53] Girls**
Filth like us have no need for it!
**[11:56] Todo**
What? Are you guys really happy with that?
**[11:59] All**
Very happy!
**[12:00] Todo**
Is it tasty?
**[12:01] All**
Super tasty!
**[12:03] Oso**
Just accept your fate already.
**[12:06] Odo**
Huh?
**[12:06] Kra**
Even if people completely dry up...
**[12:09] Choro**
Even if people die...
**[12:11] Ichi**
We'll just keep responding
to everyone's expectations.
**[12:14] Jyu**
We're everyone's lubricant... No,
**[12:17] Jyu**
the clothed and walking lubricant
of love in everyone's hearts.
**[12:19] Todo**
I see! So that's us...
**[12:21] Oso**
Yes, that's F6.
**[12:43] Iya**
Sheeeh! Our skin is as flaky as ever, but...
**[12:46] Deka**
Just watching them...
**[12:48] Chibi**
...is making our hearts all slippery and
soaking wet. You idjits, damn it!
**[12:53] Nar**
*And so the world was save... Save...*
**[12:58] Nar**
*Saved? Was it actually saved?*
**[13:02] Choro**
Huh? It was, wasn't it?
**[13:05] Nar**
*Huh?! Er, yes.*
**[13:06] Nar**
*It was saved. Thank you very much!*
***SIGN*** "The Ichimatsu Incident"
**[14:02] Oso**
Man, am I bored.
**[14:03] Ichi**
* Crap! There was a crack*
* in my state of high alert!*
**[14:06] Ichi**
* Why are you back so early?!*
* You were at pachinko...*
**[14:09] Oso**
A thousand yen goes so quickly.
**[14:11] Ichi**
*Don't go with so little money!*
**[14:14] Ichi**
* I'm finished. I won't even be able to*
* go on living after being seen like this.*
**[14:18] Oso**
What's the matter, Karamatsu?
**[14:21] Ichi**
* K-Karamatsu? I see...*
* It's because I'm dressed like this.*
**[14:25] Oso**
Hey.
**[14:29] Ichi**
What's wrong, Osomatsu?
Did you need something,
**[14:34] Ichi**
my brother?
**[14:44] Oso**
No, not really.
**[14:48] Ichi**
*All right! I fooled him!*
**[14:50] Ichi**
*He thinks I'm Karamatsu!*
**[14:51] Ichi**
* If anyone thought that normally,*
* it'd be hell, but for now, I'm saved!*
**[14:55] Oso**
But what's wrong with your voice?
It's different from usual.
**[14:58] Ichi**
Huh? Uh...
**[14:59] Oso**
Do you have a cold?
**[15:00] Ichi**
Huh?
**[15:01] Ichi**
Y-Yeah, that's right. A cold.
**[15:04] Ichi**
My throat's so sore, my voice is...
**[15:07] Oso**
Your hair's pretty messy, too.
**[15:09] Ichi**
Huh? Oh, the cold's messed up my hair, too...
**[15:12] Oso**
Also, I feel a dark aura,
**[15:14] Oso**
an "I don't have any friends" aura,
and a twisted, shitty aura from you.
**[15:19] Ichi**
That's from the cold, as well.
**[15:25] Oso**
Are you really Karamatsu?
**[15:26] Ichi**
Huh?!
**[15:27] Oso**
You seem strange somehow.
**[15:32] Ichi**
I seem strange?
**[15:36] Ichi**
I have no plans.
**[15:38] Oso**
That's not how you usually do that, is it?
**[15:40] Ichi**
It's because of this cold...
**[15:41] Oso**
What?
**[15:43] Ichi**
* Damn it! I don't know how*
* to do a proper Karamatsu!*
**[15:45] Ichi**
* Actually, what the hell is a*
* "proper Karamatsu," anyway?!*
**[15:48] Oso**
You just seem different somehow.
**[15:50] Ichi**
Wh-Wh-What are you saying, my brother?
**[15:53] Ichi**
I'm Karamatsu. Oh, a mirror.
**[15:55] Ichi**
Thank you for always making me look cool.
**[15:57] Ichi**
Are you a comic? Yes, good job.
**[16:00] Ichi**
Oh, my beautiful electrical
outlets. I love outlets.
**[16:04] Ichi**
See? I'm my usual self.
**[16:08] Ichi**
* He's not even looking!*
* And those are my potato chips!*
**[16:11] Oso**
Hey, who's that?
**[16:12] Ichi**
Huh?! Um, uh, um...
**[16:15] Oso**
Oh, it's Ichimatsu.
**[16:16] Ichi**
Th-That's right! It's Ichimatsu!
**[16:18] Oso**
Hey, Ichima—
**[16:19] Ichi**
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
**[16:20] Ichi**
You shouldn't wake him up!
**[16:21] Oso**
Why?
**[16:22] Ichi**
He's your brother, who shares your
blood, and he's sleeping soundly.
**[16:26] Ichi**
Only a villain would try to
wake someone in that state.
**[16:28] Oso**
Is it really that bad?!
**[16:30] Ichi**
Shh!
**[16:31] Ichi**
If you wake him, I'll kill you.
**[16:34] Oso**
Wh-What kind of bodyguard
are you? Fine, I get it...
**[16:39] Ichi**
*Not good. What should I do?*
**[16:40] Ichi**
*I want to run away, but I can't leave him here.*
**[16:44] Oso**
Karamatsu, want some?
***SIGN*** Dried Sardines
**[16:46] Ichi**
*Th-That's...*
**[16:48] Oso**
Ichimatsu always hides these
here to feed to the cats.
**[16:53] Oso**
They're so good.
**[16:59] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[17:01] Ichi**
Oh, the cold made my hand move on its own...
**[17:03] Oso**
No, that had nothing to do with your cold!
***SIGN*** Dried Sardines
***SIGN*** Economy Size
**[17:06] Oso**
What the hell? You're not making
any sense today, Karamatsu.
**[17:11] Oso**
Mmm, these are good.
**[17:13] Ichi**
*I want to kill him.*
**[17:14] Oso**
Here, have some.
**[17:16] Ichi**
*Those aren't yours!*
**[17:17] Ichi**
* But if I don't eat these now,*
* he'll be suspicious again.*
**[17:22] Oso**
See? Aren't they good?
**[17:24] Ichi**
Yeah, they're delicious.
**[17:26] Oso**
Right? Ichimatsu's so stupid,
giving these to the cats.
**[17:33] Ichi**
*I'll kill you!*
**[17:42] Ichi**
*No!*
**[17:43] Ichi**
*It's not like that! Don't leave!*
**[17:47] Oso**
What's wrong? You want some more?
**[17:54] Oso**
Wh-What?!
**[17:56] Ichi**
Oh, this cold...
**[17:58] Oso**
Would you stop that?!
**[18:00] Ichi**
*What the hell am I doing?*
**[18:02] Ichi**
* I ate my best friend's favorite*
* food to protect myself!*
**[18:05] Oso**
Oh, yeah... Karamatsu.
**[18:08] Oso**
I have a favor to ask you.
**[18:11] Oso**
Could I borrow your sunglasses
and leather jacket just once?
**[18:14] Ichi**
Huh?
**[18:15] Oso**
Well, I know I always teased you about them,
but I've always wanted to try them on once.
**[18:24] Ichi**
* If only I could be honest and*
* just say it, like this idiot!*
**[18:26] Ichi**
* Then I wouldn't have lost*
* my best friend's trust!*
**[18:30] Oso**
Karamatsu? You're sweating
a lot... Are you okay?
**[18:35] Ichi**
*Just be honest already, Ichimatsu.*
**[18:37] Ichi**
*Tell him you also just wanted to try it once...*
**[18:41] Oso**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[18:43] Ichi**
A-Actually...
**[18:47] Ichi**
I told you it was a cold.
I might have a fever.
**[18:51] Oso**
Ah, I see.
**[18:53] Ichi**
*I can't say it! There's no way!*
**[18:55] Ichi**
* If I could say it honestly now,*
* I could've done it ages ago!*
**[18:58] Ichi**
*I could have made friends, too!*
**[19:00] Oso**
Well, you'll catch a chill.
You should take that off.
**[19:02] Ichi**
Huh? No, I'm fine.
**[19:04] Oso**
No, you're not.
**[19:05] Ichi**
I'm fine!
**[19:06] Oso**
You're sweating.
**[19:07] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[19:08] Oso**
You're going to get chilled.
**[19:09] Ichi**
No!
**[19:09] Oso**
Why?
**[19:10] Ichi**
It's embarrassing!
**[19:11] Oso**
Why is it embarrassing?!
**[19:14] Ichi**
Because...
**[19:16] Ichi**
Because I like you!
**[19:19] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:20] Ichi**
I've recently awakened to these feelings,
so if I have to strip in front of you...
**[19:25] Oso**
Uh, you're kidding, right?
**[19:26] Ichi**
I'm not kidding, silly.
**[19:29] Ichi**
* I'm at my wit's end.*
* Why did I lie like that?*
**[19:32] Ichi**
* The only way out of this is to*
* hurry and get him out of here.*
**[19:36] Ichi**
Um, Osomatsu...
**[19:38] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:39] Ichi**
Will you go to the races with this money?
**[19:41] Oso**
Huh?
**[19:42] Ichi**
I'll just lose if I go. So go for m—
**[19:45] Oso**
Seriously?!
**[19:45] Oso**
I can?
**[19:46] Oso**
All right! Talk about lucky!
**[19:48] Ichi**
* If a thousand yen is all*
* it takes, that's nothing.*
**[19:50] Ichi**
* I just need to tell him later that*
* what I said earlier was a joke.*
**[19:54] Ichi**
*You're kidding... I-It can't be...*
**[20:03] Kara**
What?!
**[20:07] Ichi**
*What?!*
**[20:08] Kara**
*What?!*
**[20:09] Ichi**
*What?!*
**[20:11] Both**
*What?!*
**[20:14] Ichii**
*I-I'm finished...*
**[20:16] Kara**
*Wh-What in the world is going on?*
**[20:19] Kara**
*Why is Ichimatsu wearing my perfect fashion?*
**[20:22] Kara**
*C-Could it be...*
**[20:24] Oso**
Karamatsu? Hey!
**[20:27] Oso**
He went white as a sheet
all of a sudden. Oh, well.
**[20:31] Oso**
Oh, you're awake, Ichimatsu.
**[20:37] Kara**
Yeah. I slept well.
**[20:39] Ichi**
*Karamatsu!*
**[20:41] Ichi**
*Karamatsu, Karamatsu, Karamatsu!*
**[20:43] Ichi**
* What the hell?! He's gonna try*
* to act like me to remedy this?*
**[20:45] Ichi**
*Is he a god?! Is he actually a god?!*
**[20:47] Ichi**
*Actually, just die!*
**[20:49] Kara**
I'm awake, meow. I'm still sleepy, meow.
**[20:52] Ichi**
*But he sucks at being me!*
**[20:54] Oso**
What's with that character?
**[20:55] Kara**
Uh, I just thought I'd go with this from now on.
**[20:58] Oso**
I see.
**[20:59] Ichi**
* Don't say something like that!*
* I don't want to go on acting like that!*
**[21:03] Oso**
Hey, wanna go to the horse races?
**[21:06] Kara**
Uh, nah... N-Not today.
**[21:10] Oso**
Aww...
**[21:11] Kara**
I actually have something serious
to discuss with Ichi— I mean,
**[21:13] Kara**
Karamatsu, so could you leave, meow?
**[21:16] Oso**
Huh? What the hell?
**[21:18] Ichi**
* Is he trying to save me by*
* sending Osomatsu-niisan away?!*
**[21:21] Ichi**
* Seriously, what's up with his*
* kindness?! Actually, just die!*
**[21:25] Ichi**
*I'm now a Karamatsu boy!*
**[21:28] Oso**
You guys are super creepy today.
**[21:31] Oso**
See ya.
**[21:35] Kara**
Hey! What are you doing, Ichimatsu?
**[21:37] Kara**
You scared me!
**[21:37] Ichi**
If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.
Take this to your grave!
**[21:42] Kara**
You're acting tough in this situation?! Really?!
**[21:44] Iichi**
Just hurry up and change, you dumbass!
**[21:45] Kara**
You're acting tough?!
**[21:47] Kara**
Ouch!
**[21:49] Oso**
I forgot somethi—
**[21:54] Oso**
Sorry, my bad.
**[21:55] Kara**
Wh-Wh-Whoa! It's not what it looks like!
**[21:56] Oso**
Sorry.
**[21:57] Kara**
It's not like that!
**[21:58] Oso**
I won't tell anyone.
**[21:58] Kara**
I'm telling you, it's not like that!
**[21:59] Ichi**
Stop, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[22:02] Kara**
Hey, you little...!
**[22:04] Kra**
Seriously, it's not like that!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:38] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu Fes— Bleaurgh!
**[23:41] Jyu**
Matsu... Bleaurgh! Festiv— Bleaurgh!
**[23:44] Jyu**
Matsu! Matsu! Fest—
Bleaurgh! Bleaurgh! Bleaurgh!
**[23:46] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu Festi— Bleaurgh!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Festival"
**[23:48] ---**
Bleaurgh!
# E17 - Jyushimatsu Festival
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GRWE2K7GR/jyushimatsu-festival)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Festival"
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
**[00:04] Jyu**
Hup! Hup! Hup! Wahoo!
**[00:21] Four**
Wow! It's a Jyushimatsu festival!
**[00:24] Choro**
What?! This is what a Jyushimatsu festival is?!
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and a Bomb"
**[02:07] Ichi**
Are they here yet?
What's the bomb squad doing?
**[02:11] Todo**
We're reaching the limit! We have to run!
**[02:14] Ichi**
You idiot! If we run now,
the whole city's gonna blow!
**[02:17] Todo**
But...
**[02:19] Ichi**
Damn it. Hurry up and get here, bomb squad...
**[02:30] Ichi**
Todomatsu.
**[02:31] Todo**
Yes.
**[02:32] Iichi**
Was that real?
**[02:33] Todo**
It was.
**[02:35] Ichi**
There was something there.
**[02:36] Todo**
There was.
**[02:37] Ichi**
Let's try to open it again.
**[02:39] Todo**
Yes.
**[02:43] Ichi**
There's something there.
**[02:44] Todo**
There is.
**[02:45] Ichi**
What do we do in these cases?
**[02:46] Todo**
You're asking me?
**[02:50] Todo**
What?!
**[02:51] Both**
H-Hey! What?! What?!
**[02:53] Both**
What the hell?! H-Hey!
**[02:55] Ichi**
Hey, you! What are you doing?!
**[02:57] Jyu**
I came to take care of the bomb.
**[02:59] Ichi**
Uh, how are you taking care of it?!
**[03:03] Todo**
What?!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and a Midnight Snack"
**[03:29] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, I found ramen!
**[03:31] Jyu**
Really?!
**[03:35] Oso**
All right.
**[03:39] Oso**
Jyushimatsu, it hasn't been three minutes yet.
**[03:44] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan, it hasn't
been three minutes yet.
**[03:49] Oso**
Hey, not yet!
**[03:54] Jyu**
Wait! Not yet!
**[03:57] Oso**
Hey.
**[03:58] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:01] Oso**
No!
**[04:01] Jyu**
Not yet.
**[04:02] Oso**
Jyushimatsu!
**[04:03] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan!
**[04:05] Oso**
Hey!
**[04:05] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:06] Oso**
Hey.
**[04:07] Jyu**
Jeez.
**[04:08] Oso**
Not yet.
**[04:08] Jyu**
Not yet!
**[04:08] Oso**
Hey!
**[04:09] Jyu**
Seriously.
**[04:09] Oso**
Augh! I can't wait!
**[04:12] Jyu**
What are you gonna do?
**[04:14] Oso**
Okay, let's tie each other up.
***SIGN*** 3 Minutes Later
**[04:25] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Comiket"
**[04:34] Choro**
Huh? You're kidding me, right?
***SIGN*** Old and New Volumes
**[04:36] Choro**
Doujinshi?
**[04:37] Choro**
You're kidding! Seriously?
**[04:40] Choro**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[04:42] Jyu**
Want to buy anything?
**[04:43] Choro**
What are you selling?
**[04:44] Jyu**
BL.
**[04:45] Choro**
BL?!
**[04:45] Jyu**
Yup.
**[04:46] Choro**
Wait, it's baseball? You don't call baseball "BL."
**[04:50] Jyu**
What about this? Catchers are total ukes.
**[04:52] Choro**
That's someone who catches the ball.
You don't call a catcher an uke.
**[04:55] Jyu**
This is an outside uke's screwball seme.
**[04:57] Choro**
That's a battery!
**[04:59] Jyu**
I also have these pairings.
**[05:00] Choro**
That's a Waseda vs. Keio game!
**[05:01] Jyu**
If you prefer reversible, how about this?
**[05:03] Choro**
You know what "reversible" is?!
***SIGN*** Sample
**[05:04] Jyu**
Switch hitters.
**[05:05] Choro**
Those aren't called reversibles!
**[05:07] Jyu**
Well, what about Super Seme-sama?
**[05:08] Choro**
No, that's a pitch on the inside
that's thrown close to the body
**[05:12] Choro**
but ends up high, to keep
a strong hitter at bay.
**[05:15] Choro**
Seriously, what's with this lineup?!
**[05:17] Jyu**
Want to buy something?
**[05:19] Choro**
Give me a switch hitter.
**[05:21] Jyu**
Sorry. I won't do it.
**[05:22] Choro**
What the hell is with you?!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Moving"
**[05:31] Kara**
Hey, Jyushimatsu! Hurry up,
we're gonna be late.
**[05:36] Jyushi**
It's okay!
**[05:37] Kara**
No, it's not okay. There's
only five more minutes.
**[05:40] Kara**
We're going to be late.
**[05:41] Jyu**
We'll make it, we'll make it.
**[05:43] Kra**
We won't make it! Hurry!
**[05:45] Jyu**
We'll make it!
**[05:48] Kara**
How are you so calm? We're gonna be late!
**[05:50] Jyu**
Nope, nope.
**[05:52] Kara**
Come on, let's hurry. Run, Jyushimatsu!
**[05:56] Kara**
Huh?
**[05:56] Kara**
What?!
***SIGN*** Pachinko Dragon
**[06:05] Jyu**
See? We made it on time.
**[06:11] Kara**
True.
**[06:13] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Secrets"
**[06:23] Jyu**
You're lucky you won so much, Karamatsu-niisan.
**[06:27] Kara**
It appears Venus was smiling down on me today.
**[06:30] Jyu**
What?
**[06:31] Kara**
No, it's nothing.
**[06:34] Kara**
Oh, yeah, Jyushimatsu.
**[06:36] Kara**
Don't tell the others that I won at pachinko.
**[06:40] Jyu**
Why not?
**[06:41] Kara**
If they find out I won,
they might try to mooch off me.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Got it.
**[06:48] Kara**
I trust you.
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[06:50] Jyu**
We're home!
**[06:51] Jyu**
Hey, guys! Karamatsu-niisan
won a lot at pachin—
**[06:55] Kara**
Non, non, non, Jyushimatsu. Jyushimatsu.
**[06:59] Jyu**
Huh?
**[07:00] Kara**
Everything you just did was wrong, Jyushimatsu.
**[07:02] Kara**
Did you forget? You're not supposed
to tell them that I won at pachinko.
**[07:06] Kara**
Understand?
**[07:09] Jyu**
Got it.
**[07:10] Kara**
I lost today at pachinko.
**[07:12] Jyu**
You lost at pachinko.
**[07:15] Kara**
That's right. I trust you.
**[07:17] Jyu**
We're home!
**[07:19] Jyu**
Guys, Karamatsu-niisan lost at pachinko!
**[07:23] Kara**
I had no luck at all today.
**[07:25] Jyu**
He lost, he lost! Didn't win at all!
**[07:28] Jyu**
He lost. He totally lost.
**[07:30] Jyu**
Didn't win a thing.
**[07:31] Jyu**
Lost, lost, lost, lost, lost, lost, los—
**[07:34] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[07:36] Kara**
Oh, Jyushimatsu! Jyushimatsu!
**[07:39] Jyu**
Huh?
**[07:40] Kara**
You're being too suspicious! If you say
it that much, it just sounds like I won.
**[07:45] Jyu**
What should I do?
**[07:46] Kara**
Let's not talk about pachinko.
Just do the normal "We're home."
**[07:51] Jyu**
Got it.
**[07:52] Kara**
I trust you.
**[07:54] Jyu**
CR we're home!
**[07:56] Kara**
Jyushimatsu! Oh, my little Jyushimatsu!
**[08:00] Jyu**
Huh?
**[08:01] Kara**
Don't add "CR"! What does
"CR we're home" even mean?!
**[08:05] Kara**
Just "We're home" will suffice, okay?!
**[08:09] Jyu**
Got it!
**[08:10] Kara**
I trust you.
**[08:11] Jyu**
Pachinko!
**[08:13] Kara**
I need Jyushimatsu! Oh, I need Jyushimatsu!
**[08:19] Jyu**
Huh?
**[08:20] Kara**
Are you doing this on purpose? Hmm?
**[08:22] Kara**
Oh, my little Jyushimatsu?
**[08:24] Todo**
What're you doing?
**[08:26] Todo**
What? Did you two go play pachinko?
**[08:28] Kara**
Hm? What are you talking about?
**[08:29] Todo**
Don't try to trick us. We just heard
you say "pachinko" really loud.
**[08:35] Todo**
Wait...
**[08:35] Todo**
And the way you're acting... You won, didn't you?
**[08:37] Kara**
N-No...
**[08:38] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, Karamatsu-niisan
won at pachinko, didn't he?
**[08:42] Kara**
I didn't win, did I, Jyushimatsu?
**[08:44] Todo**
He won, right?
**[08:45] Kara**
I didn't win, right?
**[08:46] Todo**
Don't lie to your brothers!
**[08:48] Kara**
J-Jyushimatsu?
**[08:50] Todo**
What's the matter, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[08:51] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:52] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:54] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:55] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:56] Kara**
Jyushimatsu!
**[08:56] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[08:57] ---**
Jyushimatsu!
**[09:02] Kara**
Jyushimatsu! This is all my fault, Jyushimatsu!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Concepts"
**[09:18] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[09:20] Ichi**
Hm?
**[09:21] Jyu**
What am I?
**[09:23] Ichi**
Hm?
**[09:25] Jyu**
What's a Jyushimatsu?
**[09:27] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:29] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu, right?
**[09:31] Ichi**
Yeah.
**[09:32] Jyu**
Wow, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[09:35] Ichi**
Huh?
**[09:36] Jyu**
Then why am I Jyushimatsu?
**[09:38] Ichi**
Why?
**[09:39] Jyu**
Yeah. I mean, I'm Jyushimatsu, right?
**[09:46] Ichi**
The thing I think makes you Jyushimatsu
**[09:50] Ichi**
is your mouth.
**[09:51] Jyu**
My mouth?
**[09:52] Ichi**
Yeah. It's always open.
**[09:54] Ichi**
When I see that, I think, "Oh, it's Jyushimatsu."
**[09:58] Jyu**
Huh... Then am I not Jyushimatsu
when I close my mouth?
**[10:04] Ichi**
Huh? No, you're still Jyushimatsu.
**[10:10] Ichi**
Also, your single cowlick.
That's another one of your characteristics.
**[10:18] Ichi**
I'm gonna go take a dump.
**[10:21] Ichi**
Hey, guys! You're not here?!
**[10:24] Ichi**
Hey!
**[10:27] Jyu**
So I look like a Jyushimatsu...
**[10:29] Jyu**
So if I change how I look,
I won't be Jyushimatsu anymore?
**[10:34] Jyu**
I'm Osomatsu!
**[10:36] Jyu**
I'm Karamatsu.
**[10:37] Jyu**
Hey, I'm Choromatsu.
**[10:39] Jyu**
I'm Todomatsu!
**[10:41] Jyu**
Nah, I'm me. Jyushimatsu.
**[10:47] Jyu**
Ah! Then maybe if I change my
voice rather than my appearance...
**[10:51] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[10:54] Jyu**
This is Jyushimatsu.
**[10:56] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[10:59] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[11:01] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[11:02] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle!
**[11:03] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle!
**[11:08] Jyu**
Hmm... But in the end, me impersonating
myself is still me, isn't it?
**[11:14] Jyu**
But if it's an impersonation
of myself, it's not really me?
**[11:26] Jyu**
This is still Jyushimatsu, too!
**[11:28] Jyu**
Yup, all me. Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[11:33] Jyu**
Oh, how about this?
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[11:37] Jyu**
This is still Jyushimatsu, too!
**[11:41] Jyu**
Is an electrical pole still an electrical pole?
***SIGN*** Electrical Pole
**[11:45] Jyu**
Ooh!
**[11:46] Jyu**
A house is still a house!
**[11:48] Jyu**
Fence! Gates! Flowers!
**[11:49] Jyu**
Trees! Cars!
***SIGN*** Fence
***SIGN*** Gate
***SIGN*** Flower
***SIGN*** Tree
***SIGN*** Car
***SIGN*** Clouds
***SIGN*** Sun
***SIGN*** House
***SIGN*** House
***SIGN*** Dirt
***SIGN*** Sky
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[11:51] Jyu**
This is totally okay!
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
**[11:53] Choro**
What the hell?! I turned into this!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
**[11:56] Oso**
We won't need a character designer anymore.
**[11:58] Kara**
Or a storyboard artist.
**[11:59] Todo**
You don't need art or sound directors, either.
**[12:01] Iya**
It's me! Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Teeth
**[12:04] Chibi**
It's me, you idjit, damn it!
***SIGN*** Small
**[12:06] Toto**
Hey, what the heck?
***SIGN*** Fish
***SIGN*** Big
***SIGN*** Mouth
**[12:10] Hata**
This is fun, jo.
***SIGN*** Flag
**[12:15] Jyu**
Look at that. So ego, self-recognition,
and the meaning of life
***SIGN*** Sky
**[12:18] Jyu**
are all pretty small things that don't mean much.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[12:23] Jyu**
Oh, cool. I'm gonna get lighter, too.
***SIGN*** Jyushi
**[12:28] Jyu**
Even more!
***SIGN*** Jyu
**[12:31] Jyu**
Yup. I'm still Jyushimatsu.
***SIGN*** Ichi
**[12:34] Jyu**
Oh, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:36] Ichi**
Huh? You look like a plus sign.
**[12:40] Jyu**
Yup. And you look like a
minus sign, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:46] Jyu**
Hey, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[12:48] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:49] Jyu**
In the end, what are we?
**[12:53] Ichi**
Who knows? In fact, what is this conversation?
**[12:57] Jyu**
Good point.
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Surgery"
**[13:04] Todo**
No! I don't want surgery!
**[13:07] Toto**
But Todomatsu-kun, you can't
leave the hospital without it.
**[13:11] Todo**
But I'm scared! I don't wanna!
**[13:19] Todo**
Y-You're...
**[13:27] Todo**
Who are you?!
**[13:28] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[13:29] Todo**
Hm?
**[13:31] Jyu**
Jyushimatsu.
**[13:33] Todo**
Oh... Are you a professional baseball player?
**[13:35] Todo**
Sorry, I actually like soccer...
**[13:38] Jyu**
I'm not a professional baseball player.
**[13:39] Todo**
Huh? You're not a professional baseball player?
**[13:41] Jyu**
Nope.
**[13:42] Todo**
Then who are you?
**[13:43] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[13:45] Toto**
All right, Jyushimatsu-san.
I'm leaving the rest to you.
**[13:48] Todo**
Huh? Do you know who this is?
**[13:50] Todo**
Nurse?
**[13:53] Todo**
Huh?
**[13:56] Jyu**
Now, Takashi-kun...
**[13:57] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu!
**[13:58] Jyu**
I hear you don't have money to get your surgery.
**[14:00] Todo**
That's all wrong. It's not the money,
I'm just scared to have the surgery.
**[14:04] Todo**
Seriously, who are you?
**[14:05] Jyu**
You're so obsessed with that.
Try turning on the TV.
**[14:08] Todo**
The TV?
**[14:10] Lady**
*And in 3 minutes...*
***SIGN*** Call Now
**[14:12] Guy**
*If you call now...*
**[14:13] Lady**
*Now, repeat after me.*
**[14:14] Guy**
*This marriage was a shock...*
**[14:16] Guy**
*That doesn't taste good.*
**[14:16] Guy**
*It'll only be...*
**[14:17] Lady**
*Repeat after me.*
**[14:20] Todo**
Huh? You're not on there.
**[14:22] Jyu**
Yup.
**[14:25] Todo**
Huh?! Seriously, who are you?!
**[14:27] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[14:28] Todo**
I don't know you! Leave, you creep!
**[14:30] Jyu**
Munch, munch...
**[14:31] Todo**
Stop eating and leave!
**[14:33] Todo**
Stop swinging that and leave!
**[14:34] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[14:35] Todo**
Yeah, I got that!
**[14:38] Todo**
Whoa, why? Why? Why?!
**[14:40] Jyu**
Goodnight, Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[14:42] Todo**
*You're* Jyushimatsu!
**[14:50] Todo**
I really want out of here!
Just hurry up and do the surgery!
**[14:54] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Experiments"
**[15:06] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun! It's finally done!
**[15:08] Jyu**
Congratulations, Professor Osomatsu!
So, what is this medicine?
**[15:13] Oso**
No idea.
**[15:15] ---**
That's my professor!
**[15:20] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:21] Jyu**
Yep.
**[15:25] Oso**
Well?
**[15:27] Jyu**
Not a clue.
**[15:29] Oso**
That's my Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:34] Oso**
Jyushimatsu-kun disappeared!
**[15:36] Jyu**
Professor, I'm over here.
**[15:38] Oso**
Oh, you're invisible! So this is a
medicine that turns you invisible.
**[15:43] Jyu**
No, I'm a human that could
turn invisible from birth.
**[15:47] Oso**
That's my Jyushimatsu-kun.
**[15:52] Jyu**
Ah!
**[15:53] Jyu**
You look naked right now, Professor.
This medicine makes things see-through!
**[15:56] Oso**
Nope. I just took off all
my clothes in an instant.
**[16:01] Jyu**
That's my professor!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu Pan"
**[16:15] Toto**
Not a single fun thing happened today, either.
**[16:19] Toto**
Every day is so boring.
**[16:22] Toto**
If only I could go to some
faraway land of dreams...
**[16:30] Toto**
Who's there?
**[16:36] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu Pan.
**[16:37] Toto**
Jyushimatsu Pan?
**[16:39] Jyu**
Now, come with me.
**[16:41] Toto**
Huh?
**[16:42] Toto**
A-Amazing...
**[16:45] Toto**
Hey, Jyushimatsu Pan, where are we going?
**[16:48] Jyu**
A dreamlike place.
**[16:49] Toto**
Really?
**[16:51] Ichi**
We shouldn't have to take this ugly thing with us.
**[16:54] Jyu**
Hey, don't be jealous, Tinkerichi.
**[16:57] Ichi**
Hmph.
**[17:01] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:03] Toto**
Where are we?
**[17:05] Jyu**
Fujiidera Baseball Stadium's former location.
**[17:08] Ichi**
In the 1989 Japan Series,
**[17:10] Ichi**
they were able to reverse
3 losses into 4 wins here.
**[17:14] Jyu**
This place is like a dream.
**[17:16] Toto**
Huh?
**[17:27] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:29] Toto**
Where are we?
**[17:30] Jyu**
Nihonbara in Okayama Prefecture.
**[17:32] Ichi**
The dirt from here is used as the
dirt for part of the Koshien field.
**[17:37] Jyu**
This place is like a dream.
**[17:46] Toto**
Huh?
**[17:51] Jyu**
Okay, we're here.
**[17:54] Jyu**
Kwarp Academy in the Dominican Republic.
**[17:55] Ichi**
So awesome! I love Zoriano!
**[17:59] ---**
This place is like a dream.
**[18:03] Jyu**
Well, see ya!
**[18:07] Toto**
No!
**[18:09] Toto**
Don't leave me in the Dominican Republic!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[18:13] Sign**
Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu and Medicine"
**[18:19] Jyu**
Hello, Professor Dekapan!
**[18:22] Deka**
Yes, hello.
**[18:24] Jyu**
I have a request.
**[18:26] Deka**
What is it?
**[18:27] Jyu**
I wanna hit home runs, so could
you give me some steroids?
**[18:32] Deka**
That's a great idea. One sec.
**[18:37] Deka**
Here we go.
**[18:40] Jyu**
Bring it!
**[18:42] Jyu**
Wahoo!
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu Festival
***SIGN*** "Jyushimatsu"
**[19:31] Oso**
Hey, guys.
**[19:33] Oso**
When did Jyushimatsu end up like that?
**[19:40] Oso**
Wait, wait, don't run away. Sit.
**[19:46] Choro**
We're really going there?
**[19:48] Todo**
Let's not. It seems dangerous...
**[19:51] Oso**
No, I'm scared to talk about
this, too. But I need to know.
**[19:54] Oso**
I can't get it off my mind.
**[19:55] Choro**
He was normal when we were kids, right?
**[19:57] Oso**
He was.
**[19:58] Todo**
Are you implying that he's
actually an adult now?
**[20:01] Oso**
No idea.
**[20:01] Choro**
Is he even human?
**[20:03] Oso**
I'm telling you, I have no idea.
**[20:04] Kara**
How about it, Ichimatsu?
**[20:07] Ichi**
Why are you asking me?
**[20:08] Kara**
You're with him the most, aren't you?
**[20:12] Ichi**
Actually, up until recently,
I felt some darkness in him.
**[20:17] Ichi**
That there's something sinister behind
that unnatural cheeriness and hyperness...
**[20:24] Ichi**
But I was wrong. He's just Jyushimatsu.
**[20:26] Ichi**
He has no darkness.
**[20:28] Ichi**
He's Jyushimatsu from head to toe.
**[20:30] Ichi**
Basically, Jyushimatsu is his
own genre. Do you understand?
**[20:34] Choro**
Like hell we understand!
What do you mean, genre?!
**[20:37] Oso**
Hey, let's look at the photo albums.
**[20:38] Oso**
Then we can figure out at what point he changed.
***SIGN*** Memories
**[20:43] Todo**
Hey, why didn't we do any of this earlier?
**[20:47] Choro**
Because we were that scared to find out.
**[20:51] Oso**
When was this?
**[20:51] Kara**
His 7-5-3 festival.
**[20:53] Oso**
He's still normal here.
**[20:56] Oso**
First grade.
**[20:57] Four**
He's normal...
**[20:58] Oso**
Second grade.
**[20:59] Four**
Normal.
**[21:01] Oso**
Third grade.
**[21:02] Four**
Normal...
**[21:03] Oso**
Fourth grade.
**[21:05] Oso**
Fifth grade.
**[21:06] Oso**
Sixth grade.
**[21:07] Choro**
He's not changing at all.
**[21:09] Oso**
7th grade.
**[21:10] Oso**
8th grade.
**[21:12] Oso**
9th grade.
**[21:13] Oso**
10th grade.
**[21:14] Oso**
11th...
**[21:16] Oso**
It was here!
**[21:17] Oso**
That suddenly?! He suddenly
turned into that in 10th grade?!
**[21:20] Kara**
So it was his high school debut.
**[21:22] Ichi**
No, his Jyushimatsu debut, to be more precise.
**[21:24] Choro**
What is a Jyushimatsu debut?!
**[21:26] Todo**
Hey, wait. Look.
***SIGN*** Sealed
**[21:41] Oso**
All right, let's go drink.
**[21:43] Four**
Yup.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Kara**
A next episode preview? All you
need to do is just watch next week.
**[23:36] Kara**
Don't make me do something so unproductive.
**[23:38] Kara**
That's about as unproductive as manual labor.
**[23:41] Kara**
But since we're here, I'll give you
a preview of my actions for tomorrow.
**[23:44] Kara**
I'm going to read all volumes of
"The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" at Book-***.
***SIGN*** Iyami's Counterattack
**[23:47] Kara**
I'm going to learn how to live like a man.
# E18 - Iyami's Counterattack
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G609GWN96/iyamis-counterattack)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[00:04] Oso**
Hmph. Who knew she'd get married?
**[00:07] Kara**
I'm seriously surprised
she managed to get married.
**[00:10] Kara**
Did you hear who the guy was?
**[00:12] Oso**
Just some company employee.
Apparently they met through friends.
**[00:14] Kara**
How surprising! I didn't
know she even had friends.
**[00:17] Oso**
Hey... How much did you give her for gift money?
**[00:20] Kara**
Me?
**[00:22] Kara**
Just one...
**[00:22] Oso**
What?!
**[00:23] Kara**
What about you, Osoko?
Did you actually give her three?
**[00:25] Kara**
Surely not five, right?
**[00:28] Oso**
Two...
**[00:28] Kara**
What do you mean, two?!
**[00:30] Kara**
That's bad luck since you can
split that number in half!
**[00:32] Oso**
Well, revolving payments are hard.
**[00:36] Oso**
2,000 yen was all I could afford.
**[00:37] Kara**
2,000 yen?! For a congratulatory gift?!
**[00:39] Jyu**
Hey, what are you guys yelling about?
**[00:41] Todo**
Let's take some pics! Pics!
**[00:43] Oso**
Hey... Come on, you guys!
**[00:45] Oso**
This isn't a cabaret club. You can't wear
such slutty clothes at a reception!
**[00:49] Jyu**
It's not slutty! It's not cabaret!
**[00:51] Kara**
White is supposed to be reserved for the bride.
**[00:53] Todo**
What? This isn't white.
**[00:55] Todo**
It's milky beige.
**[00:56] Kara**
It's the same.
**[00:57] Jyu**
So scary! Are you two mother-in-laws?
**[01:00] Jyu**
You aren't even married yet and
you're already mother-in-laws?
**[01:02] Jyu**
So pitiful!
**[01:03] Ichi**
Who are you calling pitiful?
Were you referring to all of you?
**[01:09] Choro**
You guys stand out so much.
**[01:10] Kara**
What? We stand out? Are guys looking at us?
**[01:12] Kara**
Where? Are they hot?
**[01:12] All**
Where, where?
**[01:14] Ichi**
Todoko, go talk to them.
**[01:16] Todo**
Why me?
**[01:17] Ichi**
You have your usual technique.
**[01:19] Ichi**
"Would you push the shutter button?"
**[01:20] Ichi**
"Let's take one together!"
**[01:22] Ichi**
"I'll send it to you, so could
I get your email address?"
**[01:25] Todo**
I don't usually use that!
**[01:28] Todo**
Just sometimes...
**[01:30] Choro**
There's a good couple... Have that guy
with the hot voice be the total uke...
**[01:35] Oso**
Let's not involve the 3D world
in your rotten delusions.
**[01:36] Choro**
So filthy...
**[01:37] Jyu**
I totally want to do someone right now.
**[01:40] Five**
Not so loud!
**[01:42] Kara**
I wonder what our pimples *(fukidemono)* are.
**[01:44] Choro**
You mean "souvenirs *(hikidemono)*."
Ready to open them?
***SIGN*** Pildon Tokyo
**[01:46] Oso**
Ch-Choroko! It's still the
reception until you get home!
**[01:51] Todo**
The usual. So don't need it.
**[01:52] Ichi**
This ring is supposed to represent
their eternal happiness.
**[01:56] Ichi**
Who the hell cares?
**[01:58] Jyu**
There's also...
**[02:00] Oso**
What?!
**[02:01] Kara**
They gave single people paired items?
**[02:03] Kara**
Is this out of spite? Are they being spiteful?!
**[02:06] Oso**
Damn it.
**[02:07] Oso**
The souvenirs are tasteless, and weren't
the groom's friends just as bad?
**[02:11] Choro**
They were rude.
**[02:13] Jyu**
They wouldn't talk to us at all.
**[02:15] Ich**
They should have at least talked to us.
**[02:17] Todo**
That's just good manners.
**[02:18] Kara**
Seriously! You're totally right!
**[02:20] Oso**
Let's get our gift money back.
**[02:23] Five**
Yeah!
**[02:24] Oso**
We'll throw in a fee for our
troubles and get double back.
**[02:26] Five**
Good idea!
***SIGN*** Iyami's Counterattack
**[02:30] Iyami**
This is Iyami.
**[02:32] Iya**
Getting to the point, there are things
me doesn't like about this anime.
**[02:36] Iyami**
The previous *Osomatsu-kun*
had me as the protagonist.
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-kun
**[02:39] Iyami**
Children and adults alike
were mimicking me's gag.
**[02:43] Iyami**
But ever since it's been *Osomatsu-san*,
me's role has been cut way down!
**[02:47] Iyami**
The sextuplets became the main characters!
**[02:48] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:50] Iyami**
They even have individual persons,
even though they're sextuplets!
**[02:51] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[02:53] Iyami**
And idols! Sheeeh!
**[02:56] Iaymi**
But fear not! Today is the day that me
will return to being the protagonist!
**[03:03] Iyami**
You want to see me's great
comeback, don't you?
**[03:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Bargain
**[04:41] Ann**
All right, all of you losers out there,
**[04:44] Ann**
did someone important
yell at you again today?
***SIGN*** Iyami Kart
**[04:46] Ann**
It's time for Iyami Kart, where they'll
**[04:48] Ann**
race to see who'll be the protagonist
of the anime, *Osomatsu-san*.
**[04:51] Ann**
Whoever wins will be the protagonist.
**[04:53] Ann**
Popularity, personalities, disposition,
education, divorce record, all mean nothing.
**[04:56] Ann**
Whoever wins will be the
protagonist starting next week.
**[04:59] Ann**
Now, I'll explain the rules and course that
everyone's probably wondering about...
***SIGN*** -You may use items up to 3 times -Bananas up to 300 yen -Shell Endorsement -In regards to Fappymatsuing... -You may use up to 4 tissues each time -One bottle of lube per person -Reinforcing the use of seatbelts month -No sauvage allowed -No gorillas may enter (doping allowed) -The staff is like a family and the studio has a very at-home feel -Control over speed -No fucks allowed -You shouldn't choose someone by their asshole
***SIGN*** -Each person is allowed up to 5 Sheeeh's -Let's make cute -You can hide your ugliness -Looking for ambitious people!! -Never pull back, flatter, or look back -Each person is allowed up to 30 oden -Do you prefer dogs or cats? -No full nudity allowed -This is pine, not XXX -Go to bed early the day before -More than briefs, less than boxers -Be careful when looking to the side or falling asleep -This anime is at your own risk, please remember that -No taking the toilet paper
***SIGN*** -Nipple radius may only be up to 3cm -Racers' experience, age, sex, citizenship, education, and employment will not be questioned -Boxers or briefs? -Nay, I prefer the red loin cloth -Faito dayo!! -Normal driver's license is required -Bananas are included for snacks -Beware of falling nether regions -No taking ESP kitties allowed -Sheeeh!
**[05:03] Ann**
And that's about it.
Now let's introduce our racers.
**[05:07] Ann**
Entry No. 1: Matsuno Osomatsu.
***SIGN*** Osokart
**[05:10] Ann**
His machine is the Osokart. Considering
its name, it might be pretty slow *(osoi)*.
**[05:13] Oso**
We're the protagonist if we win?
Of course I'm going to win.
**[05:16] Oso**
I mean, I *am* the protagonist.
**[05:17] Oso**
Seriously, who do you think has
held up the show for this long—
**[05:22] Ann**
And he doesn't have a single supporter.
His popularity is surprisingly low.
**[05:26] Oso**
Why?!
**[05:27] Ann**
No. 2: Matsuno Karamatsu.
**[05:29] Ann**
His machine is the Karamatsu AGOGO.
Oh, so, so, so painful.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[05:32] Kara**
The protagonist, eh? All right, I accept.
**[05:35] Kara**
When I become the protagonist,
it'll be a new anime—
***SIGN*** Karamatsu's
**[05:38] Ann**
No. 3.
**[05:38] Kara**
Hey! I'm totally going to get rid of this
pattern where I get coldly ignored!
**[05:42] Ann**
Let's get to No. 3: Matsuno Choromatsu.
**[05:45] Ann**
His machine is the Chorofappyski.
***SIGN*** Chorofappyski
**[05:47] Choro**
I'm going to win, become the
protagonist, and marry Totoko-chan!
**[05:52] Choro**
You're super ultra cute, Totoko!
**[05:54] Ann**
His excitement is on another
level, that Fappymatsu.
**[05:57] Ann**
No. 4: Matsuno Ichimatsu. His machine is...
***SIGN*** Padded Kimono
**[05:59] Ich**
Actually, you don't have to introduce me.
**[06:01] Ichi**
The protagonist? Totally not happening.
**[06:02] Ichi**
I don't want attention from
anyone. Ugh, this sucks.
**[06:07] Ann**
He's renouncing his spot
before we even start.
**[06:09] Ann**
No. 5: Matsuno Jyushimatsu.
**[06:11] Ann**
His machine is The Bullpen.
***SIGN*** The Bullpen
**[06:12] Ann**
I'm pretty sure he doesn't
understand the point of this race.
**[06:14] Jyu**
What? But I'm the fastest.
**[06:17] Ann**
Um, the point of the race is...
**[06:18] Jyu**
I'm the fastest.
**[06:20] Ann**
Alrighty, then.
**[06:23] Ann**
No. 6: Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[06:24] Ann**
His machine is the Totty Wagon. He's
definitely misunderstood the point of this race.
**[06:27] Todo**
Where should we go for a drive?
Want to go see a waterfall?
**[06:30] Todo**
I love looking at waterfalls.
**[06:32] Ann**
I've never heard that before.
Please let us know these things, Totty.
**[06:34] Ann**
No. 7: Yowai Totoko.
**[06:36] Totoko**
What? You get to be the protagonist
if you win? Oh my gosh!
***SIGN*** Devil Shark
**[06:40] Ann**
Her machine is the Devil Shark. She's out to kill.
**[06:45] Ann**
The battle has already begun.
**[06:47] Ann**
No. 8: Chibita. His machine is the
Red Lamp Damn It. He's fired up.
***SIGN*** Oden
***SIGN*** Red Lamp Damn It
**[06:51] Chibi**
I'm gonna win, you idjits.
**[06:53] Chibi**
I'm gonna make this an oden-cooking
show starting next week, damn it!
**[06:57] Ann**
There's really no demand for that.
**[06:58] Ann**
No. 9: The duo of Dekapan and Dayon.
**[07:00] Ann**
Their machine is Best Friends.
***SIGN*** Best Friends
**[07:03] Deka**
I don't like fighting.
**[07:05] Dayon**
Let's have a fun drive.
**[07:08] Ann**
Yeah, they're definitely plotting something.
**[07:11] Ann**
No. 10: Hatabou. His machine is the Super Flag.
***SIGN*** Super Flag
**[07:13] Ann**
He's letting his money do the talking.
**[07:15] Hata**
Hatabou is number one, jo.
You'll all be my employees, jo!
**[07:19] Ann**
He's going after his rivals' asses.
**[07:21] Ann**
Now, there are quite a few others:
**[07:23] Ann**
Dad, Mom, Aida, Sacchin, Hashimoto
Nya, Centaur, Sanematsu-san,
**[07:26] Ann**
and so on will vigilantly
pursue the protagonist role.
**[07:40] Ann**
And now we have the one who
started this race: Iyami.
**[07:43] Ann**
His machine is the On-Land Interpersonal
Massacre Combat Vehicle: Iyami the End.
***SIGN*** On-Land Interpersonal Massacre Combat Vehicle: Iyami the End
**[07:48] Oso**
What?! What the hell is that car?!
**[07:50] Choro**
Is it even a car?
**[07:51] Choro**
Hey! You can't be serious, Iyami!
**[07:55] Iyami**
It's finally time for me to be the protagonist!
**[07:58] Iyami**
Everyone, cheer me on...
**[08:00] People**
That's not fair!
**[08:01] Ann**
Well, it looks like Iyami has a combat vehicle.
**[08:02] People**
Go home!
**[08:03] Ann**
Looks like we'll be seeing some blood.
**[08:05] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[08:06] Ann**
Who will win the role of protagonist?
Iyami Kart is about to begin!
**[08:19] Ann**
And each of the cars is
off to a spectacular start.
**[08:22] Ann**
They're heading into the first corner.
**[08:25] Ann**
Oh? Iyami's car hasn't started yet.
**[08:27] Ann**
What could this mean?
**[08:31] Iyami**
Once me pushes this button, it's all over.
**[08:33] Iiyami**
Me will blow you all away with
my vehicle traveling at 1,000 kph.
**[08:39] Iya**
The end!
**[08:45] Iya**
Why won't it launch?
**[08:48] Ann**
*This vehicle will self-destruct in one second.*
**[08:51] Iya**
Wha?
**[08:57] Ann**
Oh? It exploded. What a riot.
**[09:00] Deka**
We made some adjustments...
**[09:01] Dayon**
...before we started.
**[09:04] Ann**
So they were plotting after all.
**[09:06] Ann**
The scariest thing in the world:
old guys who mean business.
**[09:09] Ann**
This throws off the order.
**[09:10] Ann**
Iyami, who started all this, has retired.
**[09:13] Iyami**
N-Not yet. Me is not giving up.
**[09:17] Iyami**
Me is going to win this race and
take back the previous *Osomatsu*!
**[09:21] Iyami**
The protagonist is me!
**[09:24] Ann**
Oh, my. It appears Iyami is back with
a sense of duty that no one asked for.
**[09:27] Ann**
But there's no way he can
to catch up by running.
**[09:30] Iyami**
Me still has my ultimate weapon.
**[09:35] Ann**
This is the race to win the title of
protagonist of the anime *Osomatsu-san*,
**[09:38] Ann**
the Iyami Kart.
**[09:39] Ann**
The leaders are about to go over the mountain.
**[09:41] Ann**
And Iyami is... at the very back.
**[09:44] Iya**
Hold it!
**[09:46] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[09:50] Hata**
Dajo, dajo, dajo!
**[09:55] Chibi**
I'm not gonna let anyone in front of me!
**[09:58] Oso**
Hey! What're you doing in front of me?
**[10:02] Chibi**
I have reasons for wanting
to be the protagonist!
**[10:05] Oso**
What?
**[10:05] Chbi**
I'll become the protagonist and find out if these
three lines on my cheeks are whiskers or what!
**[10:08] Chibi**
I'll use the remaining episodes to find
the answer to that mystery, you idjits!
**[10:12] Oso**
Uh, no one cares about that.
**[10:14] Chibi**
I've been wondering about this ever
since I was a kid, Akatsuka-sensei!
**[10:18] Oso**
It's bothered you that much?!
**[10:20] Chibi**
You idjit! Idjits!
**[10:22] Oso**
Damn it!
**[10:24] Chibi**
The he—
**[10:24] Oso**
Hey, everyone, gather up!
**[10:26] Chibi**
Hey! No fair, Osomatsu!
**[10:28] Oso**
Hah. You may be able to win against me,
but you can't win against all of us, Chibita!
**[10:32] Oso**
That's how it's been ever since we were kids!
**[10:35] Oso**
All right, you guys! Defeat the
enemy that's in front of us.
**[10:38] Five**
The enemy in front of us? Okay!
**[10:42] Oso**
Huh? What?
**[10:43] Oso**
What the heck is that shell?
**[10:44] Five**
You should know what shells mean in races!
**[10:48] Oso**
Why me?!
**[10:53] Choro**
Of course you're our biggest enemy, you idiot!
**[10:55] Kara**
Now we can put a period to that shitty reign.
**[10:57] Ichi**
Good work.
**[10:58] Todo**
Bye-bye, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[11:01] Jyu**
I'm the fastest!
**[11:03] Ann**
How can this be? They've committed
genocide against their eldest brothers.
**[11:06] Ann**
Those shitty Matsuno brothers.
**[11:07] Oso**
I-I'm not gonna let them get away with thi—
**[11:13] Oso**
Now you've done it! You've pissed me o—
**[11:19] Oso**
I'll kill all of y—
**[11:25] Ann**
Oh, and it looks like Osomatsu has died.
**[11:28] Ann**
He will be the first one
to drop out of the race.
**[11:31] Choro**
Now the biggest scumball has died!
**[11:33] Todo**
Nice call! Who knows what'd
happen if we'd let him live?
**[11:37] Kara**
Which means that I, the second brother,
become the protagonist by default.
**[11:41] Kara**
Very well. I accept.
**[11:43] Kara**
Starting next week...
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
***SIGN*** The Gears of Love Start to Turn
**[11:44] Kara**
The new anime:
**[11:45] Kara**
*Karamatsu of Love ~The Gears
of Love Start to Turn~* will begin.
**[11:49] Kara**
What?!
**[11:52] Ann**
And Karamatsu has died.
**[11:54] Choro**
All right, now the second-biggest
scumball has died.
**[11:57] Todo**
A revolution's happening.
**[11:59] Todo**
Since the oldest two are such shitheads,
**[12:01] Todo**
the third brother, Choromatsu-niisan,
had no choice but to be the responsible one.
**[12:05] Todo**
That's why I can say from the
bottom of my heart that I support
**[12:08] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan winning
and being the protagonist.
**[12:10] Choro**
T-Totty! Don't say that out of nowhere...
**[12:13] Ichi**
You've had it rough because
of those two shitheads, huh?
**[12:16] Choro**
Ichimatsu...
**[12:18] Choro**
Is it okay? Is it okay if I take
over as the protagonist?
**[12:21] Choro**
I've talked so much up to now.
**[12:25] Todo**
I'll protect you, no matter what,
Choromatsu-niisan. I'll make sure you win.
**[12:32] Three**
Totoko-chan?!
**[12:33] Toto**
Hey, you shitty, stupid, NEET v*****
Fappyski brothers with tiny ****s!
**[12:37] Choro**
Such a long insult!
**[12:38] Toto**
Why the hell are you acting
**[12:39] Toto**
like it's only natural that the main
character is one of you guys?!
**[12:42] Toto**
You're just a bunch of shitty NEET v***** Fappyskis with tiny ****s and false ph*mosis!
**[12:47] Choro**
She said we have false ph*mosis!
**[12:51] Choro**
Hey! Todomatsu, you bastard!
**[12:56] Chibi**
T-Totoko-chan! I have no intention
of fighting with you...
**[13:00] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[13:05] Toto**
I want to be popular!
**[13:07] Toto**
I want more parts! The protagonist role!
**[13:10] Choro**
Crap... She's a total demon.
**[13:12] Icihi**
She's too cute.
**[13:13] Choro**
Yeah, she's insanely cute.
**[13:15] Ichi**
We have no choice.
**[13:17] Toto**
Die!
**[13:19] Choro**
Let's stop this. I don't want
to hurt the one I love...
**[13:23] Choo**
Huh?
**[13:25] Choro**
Why didn't it work?!
**[13:28] Toto**
I'm sick of your hot versions!
**[13:33] Toto**
Ichimatsu!
**[13:39] Ichi**
And then...
**[13:41] Ichi**
There!
**[13:44] Toto**
Thank you so much!
**[13:47] Ann**
Ah, and it looks like Yowai
Totoko has self-destructed.
**[13:49] Ichi**
Crap... I went too far.
**[13:51] Ann**
And so, the one currently in
the lead is Matsuno Ichimatsu.
**[13:54] Ichi**
Huh?
**[13:54] Ann**
At this rate, he'll become the
protagonist starting next week.
**[13:55] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu? Todomatsu?
**[13:57] Ann**
The new program, *Ichimatsu-san*, will begin,
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu-san
**[14:01] Ich**
That's too heavy for me!
**[14:03] Ann**
Oh, it looks like he self-destructed, too.
**[14:05] Ann**
And so, the lead is now Matsuno Todomatsu.
**[14:08] Todo**
What? I'm in the lead?
**[14:10] Todo**
I was only driving, and I'm going to
be the protagonist starting next week?
**[14:13] Todo**
What am I going to do?
**[14:15] Ann**
We have a shithead, ladies and gentlemen.
This is truly a shithead right now.
**[14:17] Todo**
Oh, well. I guess it can't be helped.
**[14:18] Todo**
Starting next week, the new show will
just have to be *Todomatsu-chan*.
**[14:27] Ann**
Uh-oh. As everyone expected,
the Final Dayon has been unleashed.
**[14:31] Dayon**
The act is over, you little brats.
**[14:34] Deka**
We're gonna be the protagonists.
**[14:36] Ann**
They're not even ending their
sentences with their verbal tics now.
**[14:39] Ann**
These old men mean business.
**[14:40] Deka**
Die!
**[14:43] Deka**
Start selling our merchandise, too, damn it!
**[14:53] Both**
Sorry to disrupt your work, Onii-san.
**[14:56] Dayon**
All around the world...
**[14:57] Ann**
Now, will this hellish middle-aged
anime really start next week?
**[15:01] Ann**
Are we really okay with this?
**[15:03] Iyami**
Not yet!
**[15:05] Ann**
Oh, this voice is...
**[15:07] Both**
Iyami!
**[15:08] Iya**
H-How dare you two do this?!
**[15:12] Ann**
Apparently Iyami has stolen
Mr. Flag's car and finally caught up!
**[15:16] Ann**
Oh, but he definitely took it up the ass...
**[15:18] Deka**
Give it up, Iyami. We're gonna win.
**[15:21] Iyami**
Win? Not one person is going to make
it to the finish line of this race.
**[15:26] Iyami**
Wake up!
**[15:29] Iyami**
Me realized something.
If me became the protagonist,
**[15:32] Iyami**
if it became me's anime,
there's no need for anyone else!
**[15:39] Iyami**
Which means... you're all gonna die!
**[15:43] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Ero Max
**[15:51] Deka**
It went in!
**[15:54] Ann**
And the old men have fallen for it!
**[15:56] Iyami**
Sheeeh! Me is not done yet!
***SIGN*** F6 Swamp
**[16:02] Toto**
Thank you so much!
**[16:06] Iyami**
Sheeeh! There!
***SIGN*** A Stable Life in Old Age
**[16:11] Momdad**
We want that the most!
**[16:13] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh... Sheeeh!
**[16:17] Ichi**
Huh?
**[16:18] Kara**
Huh?
**[16:20] Person**
I made bank off my affiliates again.
***SIGN*** Something or
Other
Symposium
**[16:23] Youtube**
No one watches TV anymore.
**[16:26] Guy**
Hey...
**[16:29] Iyami**
This is the end!
**[16:32] Iyami**
Sextuplets! Everyone else!
**[16:37] Iyami**
Bye-bye!
**[16:45] Chibi**
The he—
**[16:46] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:50] Hata**
Jo...
**[16:54] Iyami**
Yes! Me has won!
**[16:59] Iyam I**
Now me is the protagonist!
Every episode will be about me!
**[17:03] Iyami**
I have taken back the good
old days of *Osomatsu*!
**[17:06] ---**
Sheeeh!
**[17:06] Ann**
Now, Iyami has turned all of his rivals
into dust with his atom dismantling ray.
**[17:08] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:10] Ann**
He has secured his victory.
**[17:10] Iyami**
Sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
**[17:12] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:14] Oso**
Whoa... Something insane is happening...
**[17:17] Iyami**
Todomatsu!
**[17:18] Oso**
I'm Osomatsu, damn it!
**[17:20] Iyami**
H-How...
**[17:21] Oso**
You totally don't play fair,
using something like this.
**[17:25] Oso**
You even killed my younger brothers.
**[17:27] Iyami**
Me did it all.
**[17:32] Oso**
Nice!
**[17:33] Oso**
I mean, now all I've gotta do is kill you,
and I get to keep the protagonist role.
**[17:38] Ann**
And this one's a scumball, too.
**[17:40] Ann**
It's truly scumball versus scumball.
**[17:42] Ann**
No matter who wins, this anime has no future.
**[17:45] Oso**
I was just thinking that it'd be
a pain to kill everyone,
**[17:48] Oso**
so this is perfect.
**[17:49] Oso**
Like hell I'm going to let
you be the protagonist!
**[17:52] Oso**
Say your prayers!
**[17:58] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:02] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[18:07] Iyami**
The protagonist is me...
**[18:08] Oso**
It's me, damn it!
**[18:10] Iyami**
Me...
**[18:10] Oso**
It's me!
**[18:12] Oso**
You bastard!
**[18:19] Oso**
Damn it...
**[18:22] Iya**
Wait.
**[18:24] Iyami**
It's not over yet.
**[18:27] Iiyami**
Behold all of the spite me has saved for this day!
**[18:37] Mecha**
Me will be the protagonist!
**[18:40] Oso**
What?!
**[18:41] Mech**
Sheh.
**[18:42] Ann**
It appears Iyami has modified
himself to rejoin the fight.
**[18:45] Ann**
That's some spite.
**[18:47] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[18:50] Oso**
Y-You bastard!
**[18:53] Oso**
Iyami!
**[18:54] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[18:55] Oso**
Hold it, Iyami!
***SIGN*** Prank
Successful
**[19:00] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[19:07] Hata**
Jo.
**[19:08] Oso**
Iyami! Hey, you're...
**[19:11] ---**
Sheeeh! Sheeeh!
**[19:15] Oso**
What? He can't even hold
a conversation anymore!
**[19:16] Mech**
Me is the protagonist!
**[19:17] Oso**
Uh, I don't think you can, looking like that!
**[19:22] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[19:26] Oso**
Seriously, anything goes?!
**[19:28] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[19:41] Ann**
Hm? Hey, that's...
**[19:43] Ann**
It seems the ones who
had their atoms dismantled
**[19:43] All**
Protagonist... Protagonist...
**[19:45] Ann**
are slowly making a comeback.
**[19:47] Ann**
Is this how spiteful they are
about becoming the protagonist?
**[19:50] Ann**
I can't say I don't like it.
**[19:51] Oso**
Whoa, what the hell?! Wh-Wh-What?!
**[19:55] Mech**
Sheeeh?
**[19:56] Zombies**
Protagonist... Protagonist...
**[20:04] Oso**
It's not working!
**[20:05] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[20:06] Mech**
Sheeeh!
**[20:11] Ann**
Now it's really getting entertaining!
**[20:17] Jyu**
You're the star today.
**[20:20] Ann**
Now the race is heading into its final stages.
**[20:24] Ann**
What a hellish image...
**[20:25] Ann**
To think that the new protagonist will be
born from this lot is even more hellish.
**[20:31] Toto**
I... I want to be famous... and fawned over!
**[20:35] Chibi**
The secret of these three lines...
**[20:38] Deka**
The Dekapan Cluster is waiting...
**[20:41] Dayon**
I want to hold a woman!
**[20:45] Oso**
I want to be popular...
**[20:47] Kara**
I want to be popular!
**[20:49] Choro**
I want to be accepted!
**[20:51] Todo**
I want to be noticed!
**[20:53] Ichi**
I want to be complimented!
**[20:55] Hata**
I want more parts... jo.
**[21:05] Jyu**
Thanks for your hard work!
**[21:06] Jyu**
Thank you... Thanks...
**[21:12] Ann**
And the only ones left are these two, after all.
**[21:15] Ann**
Who will win the title of protagonist?
**[21:27] Mech**
M-Me will...
**[21:30] Oso**
I will...
**[21:49] Ann**
What's this?!
**[21:51] Ann**
The winner is Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
**[21:53] Ann**
What a comeback!
**[21:54] Ann**
The new protagonist starting
next week has been decided!
**[21:58] Jyu**
I'm gon' make you my heirloom!
**[22:03] Both**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** (Supposedly)
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san
# E19 - Untitled
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G675K4E1R/untitled)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san
**[00:01] Nar**
*Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san!*
**[00:08] Shou**
It's an emergency!
**[00:10] Shou**
It's an emergency, I tell you!
**[00:12] Shou**
Shinnosuke!
**[00:13] Shou**
Suzunosuke!
**[00:15] Shou**
Sanosuke!
**[00:16] Shou**
Dennosuke!
**[00:18] Shou**
Yuranosuke!
**[00:19] Shou**
Rinnosuke, Tomonosuke, Kuranosuke,
Ainosuke, Monnosuke, Tetsunosuke,
**[00:24] Shou**
Harunosuke, Junnosuke, Einosuke,
Shikanosuke, Noborinosuke.
**[00:27] All**
What's the matter, Shonosuke-niisan?
**[00:30] Shou**
It's an emergency!
**[00:31] Shou**
Apparently, we heptadecuplets are the
protagonists of this anime starting this week!
**[00:35] All**
What?! Really? Yay!
***SIGN*** Due to reasons from the production side, "New Program:
Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san" will now be ending. Or, really,
we couldn't think of anything else to do with it!
***SIGN*** Period Drama Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[02:31] Bg**
This is awful.
**[02:40] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[02:42] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:43] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:44] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:45] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:46] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:47] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[02:48] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[02:49] ---**
The hell, the hell?!
**[02:50] Chibi**
The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
**[02:52] ---**
The hell, the hell?!
**[02:54] Oso**
Huh? Oh, it's Chibita.
**[02:56] Oso**
Hey, what's wrong Chibita?
**[02:57] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[02:59] Oso**
Chibita?!
**[03:00] Oso**
Right here. I'm right here!
**[03:04] Chibi**
The...
**[03:04] Oso**
What's wrong? You're all panicked.
**[03:06] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:07] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:08] Oso**
Huh?
**[03:08] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:10] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:10] Oso**
Calm down!
**[03:11] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:12] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:14] Chibi**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:15] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:15] Oso**
Uh, I have no idea what you're saying...
**[03:16] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:17] ---**
The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
**[03:18] Oso**
I said I don't understand!
**[03:21] Chibi**
The...
**[03:23] Chibi**
Damn it!
**[03:26] Oso**
Huh?!
***SIGN*** Private Detective Chibita
**[03:27] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[03:32] ---**
There.
**[03:33] Hata**
Please stop, jo. It hurts, jo.
**[03:37] Bad**
Take that and that and that.
**[03:37] Hata**
Jo, jo, jo...
**[03:41] Kara**
That's enough.
**[03:42] Hata**
Jo?
**[03:42] Badb**
What?
**[03:44] Bada**
H-Hey, that guy is...
**[03:49] Bada**
The Sunglassed Wanderer!
**[04:03] Bads**
Take this!
**[04:25] Hata**
Jo.
***SIGN*** The Sunglassed Wanderer
**[04:30] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[04:36] Iyami**
Todomatsu-sama, please take this.
**[04:40] Todo**
Iyamiya. What might this be?
**[04:45] Iya**
It's the thing you love most, Todomatsu-sama.
**[04:47] Todo**
Oh-ho, Iyamiya.
**[04:50] Todo**
You're so villainous.
**[04:52] Iya**
Not as much as you, Todomatsu-sama.
**[05:02] Todo**
And?
**[05:03] Todo**
What's in this thing?
**[05:05] Iiya**
As I said, it's the thing you
love most, Todomatsu-sama.
**[05:07] Todo**
No, seriously. Tell me what's actually in here.
**[05:11] Todo**
You're scary, coming here
outta nowhere. Is it a bomb?
**[05:14] Iya**
It's not a bomb.
**[05:15] Todo**
Then what is it?
**[05:16] Iyam**
I can't say it too loudly.
**[05:19] Todo**
That's terrifying! Now I really don't wanna open it!
**[05:22] Iya**
Your voice is too loud!
**[05:23] Todo**
Seriously, what's in here?
It's a bomb, isn't it?
**[05:25] Iya**
No...
**[05:26] Todo**
Then why won't you tell me?!
Can you not tell me because it's a bomb?!
**[05:29] Iya**
No...
**[05:30] Todo**
I don't want it.
**[05:32] Todo**
Take it back.
**[05:33] Iyami**
You're getting too freaked out.
Okay, fine, I'll tell you.
**[05:38] Iya**
It's money.
**[05:40] Iya**
Mo-ne-y.
**[05:43] Todo**
You're lying! There's no way you'd give me that!
**[05:46] Todo**
It's a bomb!
**[05:47] Iya**
I told you, it's not!
**[05:48] Todo**
Can I call Choromatsu-niisan here?
**[05:49] Iya**
No!
**[05:50] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan!
**[05:51] Iya**
Hey!
**[05:52] Todo**
Let go!
**[05:52] Iya**
Calm down!
**[05:59] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Scaredy-Cat Magistrate
Todomatsu
**[06:01] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[06:11] Dayon**
So silent it is that I hear
cicadas' cries melt into the rocks.
***SIGN*** So silent it is that I hear cicadas' cries melt into the rocks
**[06:16] Deka**
What a lovely poem.
**[06:18] Dayon**
Dayon.
***SIGN*** Listen carefully as the cicada's loud cries blend into the rocks Dayon
**[06:20] Deka**
Too many syllables.
**[06:26] Dayone**
Into the old pond, the frog jumps
gracefully down, the sound of water.
***SIGN*** Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water
**[06:33] Dayon**
Dayon.
***SIGN*** Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water Dayon
**[06:35] Deka**
Too many syllables.
**[06:39] Dayon**
The summer grass blows,
***SIGN*** The summer grass blows The troops march alongside them, to the end of dreams Dayon
**[06:41] Dayon**
the troops march alongside them,
to the end of dreams, dayon.
**[06:46] Deka**
Too many syllables!
***SIGN*** Matsuo Bashooon
**[06:48] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[07:37] Toto**
You're doing it again, Fappymatsu!
**[07:39] Toto**
That's the bamboo reed I use for suiton-no-jutsu.
**[07:42] Toto**
Give it back!
**[07:45] Toto**
No! Give it back!
***SIGN*** Totoko
**[07:48] Toto**
I said no! You're always using
your ninjutsu for stuff like this!
**[07:54] Toto**
Do as I say, Fappymatsu!
***SIGN*** Ninja Fappymatsu
**[08:03] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[08:13] Mom**
I'm his real mother.
**[08:17] Mom**
No, I'm his real mother.
**[08:20] Chibi**
H-He has two mothers...
What should we do, Magistrate, you idjit?
**[08:27] Deka**
If you both say that you're his real mother,
both of you pull on his cheeks.
**[08:33] Deka**
I will acknowledge the one
who wins to be his mother.
**[08:41] Deka**
The true mother would not want to see
their child in pain, and will let go first.
**[08:47] Chibi**
I see. Uh, but, Magistrate...
**[08:52] Chibi**
He's not in pain at all, you idjit.
**[09:04] Chibi**
Idjit...
***SIGN*** Dekapan Judgment
**[09:13] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[09:28] Todo**
Curse you...
**[09:34] Choro**
T-Todogiku!
**[09:39] Todo**
One... two... three... four...
**[09:48] Todo**
Five... six... seven... eight...
**[09:56] Todo**
Nine!
**[10:00] Todo**
Ten... eleven... twelve... thirteen... fourteen...
***SIGN*** Extreme! City Girls
***SIGN*** Dem Boobies
**[10:06] Todo**
Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...
**[10:07] Choro**
Huh?
**[10:14] Todo**
6,523... 6,524...
**[10:19] Todo**
I'm missing one! Where did you put it?!
**[10:21] Choro**
Does one more really matter?
***SIGN*** Disc Mansion
**[10:24] Sign**
Osomatsu-san
**[10:31] ---**
Really?
**[10:34] Guy1**
Hey, that's Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
**[10:36] Guy2**
Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
**[10:37] Guy3**
That's him?
**[10:40] Ichi**
Apparently, he can clearly
hear what everyone is saying,
**[10:43] Ichi**
even if many people are
talking to him at once.
**[10:47] Guy1**
Even fourteen people.
**[10:49] Guy2**
That many?
**[10:51] Ichi**
All right, let's try it.
**[10:54] Ichi**
Ready? One, and...
**[11:08] Jyu**
Shut up!
**[11:09] Guys**
What?!
**[11:10] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
**[11:13] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
**[11:17] Jyu**
Shut the hell up!
**[11:19] Jyu**
Hmph! Hmph!
**[11:23] All**
Osoko!
**[11:24] Oso**
Hi!
**[11:25] Oso**
* I'm told that I'm the reliable, no-nonsense*
* type, but I can be cute, too!*
**[11:30] All**
Karako!
**[11:32] Kara**
Heyo!
**[11:33] Kara**
* Not bad. You managed to*
* keep up with me. You pass!*
***SIGN*** Anime Kan
**[11:37] All**
Choroko!
**[11:38] Choro**
What?
***SIGN*** Fu
**[11:40] Choro**
*Do you prefer Chibi x Dayo, or Dayo x Chibi?*
**[11:42] Choro**
*Iya x Hata is definitely no good, though.*
**[11:45] All**
Ichiko!
**[11:46] Ichi**
Yes?
**[11:48] Ichi**
* Living is all about the balance between*
* soul and body. Do you understand?*
**[11:53] All**
Jyushiko!
**[11:55] Jyu**
*Hey, I totally just saw that guy!*
**[11:58] Jyu**
*That young, handsome, hot actor guy!*
***SIGN*** Mount Matsuo
**[12:01] All**
Todoko!
**[12:03] Todo**
Yahoo!
**[12:05] Todo**
* Hey, guys. All of us on Earth are*
* friends riding the same spaceship, right?*
***SIGN*** Girlymatsu-san
**[12:09] All**
Girlymatsu-san!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Municipal Theater
***SIGN*** Today's Program
Tamanokouji Shirimaro
***SIGN*** Shirimaro
Talk Show
**[12:33] Oso**
Whew, I laughed so much.
**[12:36] Todo**
We just added years to our lives.
**[12:38] Choro**
Who cares about falling in love
or getting married anymore?
**[12:41] Jyu**
You said it.
**[12:42] Ichi**
Hmph. I've had it with men.
**[12:45] Kara**
Yeah, I bet you are, especially.
**[12:47] Ichi**
Huh?
**[12:48] Kara**
Did you forget?
**[12:49] Kara**
We told you that guy who said he
was the son of some queen's
**[12:51] Kara**
older twin sister was lying,
but you lent him a fortune.
**[12:56] Todo**
And you didn't get any of it back.
**[12:59] Ichi**
Well, you had the water
purifier incident, Todoko.
**[13:01] Jyu**
You wouldn't stop telling us to buy one.
**[13:03] Oso**
One cost 320,000 yen!
**[13:05] Todo**
Well, there's Karako, too!
**[13:06] Todo**
She chased around some youngster at work,
**[13:08] Todo**
and ended up getting caught in a tanuki trap.
**[13:11] Kara**
Like you can talk, Choroko!
**[13:13] Kara**
You got obsessed with that strange actor,
**[13:14] Kara**
went all the way to Johannesburg,
and faced forced repatriation.
**[13:18] Choro**
A-And Jyushiko!
**[13:20] Choro**
She got involved in a love triangle with her boss
and a coworker that lead to bloodshed.
**[13:26] Jyu**
And Osoko just got out of prison
after embezzling 1.5 billion.
**[13:37] Oso**
W-Well, we should act our age now...
**[13:40] Kara**
We still have the charm of being cougars.
**[13:42] Choro**
We're in our final years.
**[13:44] Ichi**
We're reaching our limit.
**[13:46] Jyu**
As long as we have our health.
**[13:48] Todo**
That's right. Hey, look over there!
**[13:51] Todo**
Isn't that Brad Pitt walking over there?
**[13:54] Girls**
No way!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Choromatsu Rising"
**[14:02] Oso**
Man...
**[14:03] Oso**
But you know, Totty...
**[14:05] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:06] Oso**
I don't wanna work.
**[14:08] Oso**
I want to ride this wave of being
taken care of as long as I can.
**[14:12] Todo**
How do you manage to only say such
wonderful things, Osomatsu-niisan?
**[14:16] Todo**
The oldest brother really is so reliable.
**[14:18] Oso**
I know, right?
**[14:19] Todo**
I know I can trust you. I heart you.
**[14:25] Choro**
Hey, where are the others?
**[14:28] Todo**
Dead, probably.
**[14:29] Choro**
Really? Well, whatever.
**[14:32] Choro**
I have something serious to tell you guys.
**[14:37] Choro**
I'm going to quit being an idol fan.
**[14:41] Todo**
Huh?
**[14:42] Choro**
Well, I thought I should really get serious.
**[14:45] Choro**
I want to get out of this lifestyle.
**[14:47] Choro**
I can't stay unemployed forever,
so I thought I'd quit fooling around,
**[14:50] Choro**
look for a job, and become independent.
**[14:53] Choro**
I'm going to aim high, and live on my own.
**[14:58] Oso**
So, yeah...
**[14:59] Choro**
Hm?
**[14:59] Choro**
I have something serious to tell you.
I'm going to quite being an idol fa—
**[15:03] Todo**
No, we heard you! We heard you,
but we chose to ignore you!
**[15:07] Choro**
Ignore me? Why?
**[15:10] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, you want
to escape this lifestyle?
**[15:13] Choro**
Yeah.
**[15:14] Todo**
So you're going to look for a job.
**[15:15] Choro**
Right.
**[15:16] Todo**
And eventually live on your own.
**[15:18] Choro**
Right. Exactly.
**[15:20] Todo**
I see...
**[15:21] Todo**
Then just do it!
**[15:23] Todo**
Stop announcing it to everyone
around you! Just go and do it!
**[15:26] Todo**
Maybe I'll go on a diet,
and stop eating after 6 PM.
**[15:31] Todo**
I'm gonna quit smoking.
**[15:32] Todo**
I want to reset everything,
**[15:34] Todo**
so I was thinking about deleting
everyone from my address book.
**[15:38] Todo**
Who are you trying to impress?!
**[15:39] Todo**
Why should we care?! Just go and do it!
**[15:41] Choro**
Uh... You don't have to say it like that.
I've given this serious thought...
**[15:45] Todo**
Really? Aren't you actually already
satisfied that you announced it?
**[15:48] Oso**
Now, now. We get it, Choromatsu.
**[15:51] Oso**
Job hunting, huh... Good luck. I'll cheer you on.
**[15:55] Oso**
I'll tell everyone else for you. All right?
**[15:58] Oso**
Okay, now this conversation is over.
**[16:00] Choro**
So the first thing I'm going to do—
**[16:02] Both**
We just said you don't have to tell us!
**[16:04] Choro**
I know it's not possible to just start job hunting,
**[16:07] Choro**
so I'm going to start with free hugs in the city.
**[16:12] Oso**
F-F...
**[16:13] Todo**
Free...
**[16:14] Oso**
Free...
**[16:16] Todo**
H-Hugs?! He said he was going to give hugs?!
**[16:19] Oso**
Totty!
**[16:21] Choro**
Communication with others is an
important part of having a job, right?
**[16:24] Choro**
So in order to build myself up to that level...
**[16:26] Oso**
What's his problem?! Is this on purpose?!
**[16:28] Todo**
Actually, I wish he'd say it's on purpose!
**[16:30] Todo**
Otherwise, I might strangle him to death!
**[16:32] Oso**
Yup. Strangle him to death!
**[16:33] Choro**
Also...
**[16:34] Both**
That's enough!
**[16:35] Choro**
I'm going to go on a trip abroad to find myself...
**[16:38] Choro**
And then study abroad to learn languages.
**[16:40] Choro**
And then, I'm going to find
someone to be my girlfriend...
**[16:44] Todo**
Seriously, what is wrong with you?!
**[16:45] Todo**
Just how highly do you think of
yourself?! A trip to find yourself?!
**[16:48] Todo**
Study abroad to learn languages?
Find a girlfriend?
**[16:49] Todo**
Then are you gonna propose to
her with a flashmob in Aoyama?
**[16:53] Todo**
I'm not going to be an extra, you hear?!
**[16:57] Oso**
Calm down. He didn't mention
anything about a flashmob.
**[17:02] Choro**
Huh? Did I say something wrong?
**[17:04] Both**
That's all you've been saying!
**[17:06] Choro**
Well, I guess I did say things that make
me sound like I'm aiming pretty high...
**[17:11] Todo**
That's not aiming high!
**[17:13] Todo**
You're raising your self-awareness!
**[17:15] Oso**
You're self-awareness rising!
**[17:17] Choro**
What's that mean?
**[17:18] Oso**
Look, Choromatsu.
**[17:22] Choro**
Whoa! What is that?!
**[17:24] Oso**
That's your self-awareness.
**[17:25] Choro**
What?!
**[17:26] Oso**
Look how high it is. It's definitely rising.
**[17:28] Oso**
It's annoying everyone else around it.
**[17:31] Choro**
S-So it's a mass of pride?
**[17:33] Oso**
No, it's a subspecies of pride.
**[17:35] Todo**
That's self-awareness rising.
**[17:36] Choro**
Seriously, what does that mean?!
**[17:38] Oso**
By the way, this is my self-awareness.
**[17:40] Choro**
It's so small!
**[17:41] Choro**
What is that? A clump of garbage?
**[17:43] Oso**
Well, it does look pretty gross,
but it's easy to handle.
**[17:47] Choro**
What about yours, Totty?
**[17:48] Todo**
This is mine.
**[17:49] Choro**
It's pretty big! And it's super sparkly!
**[17:52] Todo**
Well, yeah.
**[17:53] Todo**
I mean, I did lie and tell everyone
at Sutabaa that I went to Keio.
**[17:57] Choro**
What the heck? Then you're
no different from me.
**[17:59] Todo**
What?! It's totally different!
**[18:01] Todo**
I know it's painfully sparkly,
but it's still in my hands.
**[18:05] Todo**
I'm able to handle it!
**[18:07] Choro**
Huh?
**[18:07] Todo**
Do you understand? Even if I trouble
anyone, it's just my family and friends.
**[18:11] Todo**
But look at that rising!
**[18:12] Todo**
It's way too high! That can only be evil!
**[18:17] Oso**
Say, Risingfappyski.
**[18:19] Choro**
Who the hell is Risingfappyski?
**[18:21] Oso**
You really should fix that.
**[18:23] Todo**
Yeah, we're warning you as your brothers.
**[18:27] Oso**
Seriously, we're not kidding about this.
**[18:30] Todo**
Not at all. We're seriously worried.
**[18:33] Choro**
Wh-What should I do?
**[18:37] Todo**
I have a good idea.
**[19:04] Choro**
I can't do that. Let's go home.
**[19:06] Todo**
You were talking about giving free hugs.
What are you freaking out about?
**[19:09] Choro**
But hitting on girls isn't something
any human should do.
**[19:12] Choro**
Who would talk to a girl
they've never met before?
**[19:14] Choro**
What is wrong with people?
**[19:16] Oso**
Go talk to someone. Quick.
**[19:18] Choro**
I can't. I'll die.
**[19:19] Todo**
Then just die! That's actually
what we're hoping for!
**[19:22] Todo**
Hurry up and die!
**[19:23] Choro**
You say that, but can you
guys hit on girls yourselves?!
**[19:27] Oso**
Sure.
**[19:28] Choro**
You liar.
**[19:29] Oso**
Here I go.
**[19:30] Choro**
What?! So fast!
**[19:31] Oso**
I'm back.
**[19:32] Choro**
What?! So fast!
**[19:34] Choro**
You got the crap beat out of you!
What did you even say?!
**[19:38] Oso**
But I got her number.
**[19:39] Todo**
Seriously?! You're too awesome!
**[19:41] Choro**
That's awesome?
***SIGN*** In Call
**[19:45] Ann**
*The number you are trying to
reach is currently not in use.*
**[19:48] Oso**
And it won't connect.
**[19:49] Todo**
Way too awesome!
**[19:50] Choro**
Again, that's awesome?!
**[19:52] Choro**
And? Can you do it, Totty?
**[19:54] Todo**
Hm?
**[19:55] Choro**
Hit on girls.
**[19:56] Todo**
Oh, I don't hit on girls.
**[19:57] Choro**
What?!
**[19:58] Todo**
Well, I only fight battles that I can win. Right?
**[20:01] Choro**
You're a terrible person.
**[20:02] Todo**
Yep, I'm the worst.
**[20:05] Oso**
Hey, Choromatsu! How about her?
**[20:07] Oso**
Isn't she super cute?
**[20:08] Choro**
What?
**[20:10] Choro**
Not with someone who's first rate.
**[20:12] Choro**
There's too little hope.
**[20:13] Choro**
I can't take the risk, knowing
that I'll just get rejected.
**[20:18] Oso**
Then what about her? She's not that pretty.
**[20:21] Choro**
Hmm...
**[20:22] Oso**
But her body's pretty hot.
**[20:23] Choro**
Then there's no way!
**[20:25] Choro**
I'm sure she's popular, then!
She won't give me the time of day.
**[20:28] Oso**
Then how about her? Her face
and body are both normal.
**[20:31] Choro**
Hmm...
**[20:32] Oso**
But she's stylish.
**[20:32] Choro**
Stylish?! That's the most impossible!
**[20:35] Choro**
That won't give me any points.
**[20:36] Choro**
It'll just make me feel even more inferior!
**[20:39] Oso**
Then how about her? The slightly ugly one.
**[20:41] Choro**
Oh, the slightly ugly one?
**[20:43] Oso**
Yeah. I bet she has a good personality.
**[20:45] Choro**
Then there's no way! I want someone
who's on the same level as me!
**[20:49] Choro**
I want to feel secure, and I *really* don't
want to be nervous, and when we go out...
**[20:54] Oso**
I'll seriously strangle you to death,
you virgin among virgins!
**[20:57] Oso**
That stance can only mean certain death!
Die, you virgin among virgins!
**[20:59] Todo**
Wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
**[21:03] Todo**
Look! That's gonna be trouble!
**[21:05] Oso**
Wait, what the hell is that? What?!
**[21:09] Todo**
I-It's a self-awareness big bang!
**[21:12] Oso**
Gah! A self-awareness big bang!
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
***SIGN*** Sutabaa Coffee
**[21:39] Oso**
Oh, man...
**[21:41] Todo**
Oh, my.
**[21:42] Choro**
Okay, double-click on that. Yes, please
right-click, and then left-click.
**[21:48] Choro**
Or double-click from the download.
**[21:48] Todo**
Looks like a terrible monster's been created.
**[21:50] Choro**
Could you double-click that for me?
**[21:51] Oso**
That's gonna be super hard to handle.
**[21:53] Choro**
Yes. Oh, that's triple-clicking.
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:26] Choro**
Choror-ello!
**[23:28] Choro**
I'm the apprentice wizard, Chororin, rin.
**[23:31] Choro**
Lately, my brothers keep denying me,
**[23:33] Choro**
so I went all-out on a character change, rin.
**[23:35] Choro**
Come to the Anime Forest, rin!
**[23:37] Choro**
Lastly, I'll cast a spell to fix
all of your self-awarenesses
**[23:40] Choro**
that are messed up from
anime and the internet.
**[23:42] Choro**
Here we go, rin!
**[23:44] Choro**
Magical, fappycal, pyuropyurorin,
special, spemal, pyuropyurorin!
***SIGN*** "Tell Us, Hatabou" "School Matsu" "Iyami's School"
# E20 - Tell Us, Hatabou / School Matsu / Iyami's School
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYX032X3R/tell-us-hatabou--school-matsu--iyamis-school)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Tell Us, Hatabou"
**[00:02] Hata**
Jo!
**[00:08] Guy**
Mr. Flag, or should I say, Hatabou.
**[00:12] Guy**
We've finally come to the realization...
**[00:14] Lady**
...that you're actually doing
nothing to run this company.
**[00:19] Guy**
Why didn't we realize it before?
**[00:21] Guy**
So long.
**[00:24] Hata**
Jo...
**[00:25] Lady**
Oh, is this a shock to you? But someone like y—
**[00:27] Hata**
Jo? You're not my friends, so I don't care, jo.
**[00:34] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu.
**[00:36] Jyu**
What is it, Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[00:38] Ichi**
It's so nice out. Perfect walking weather.
**[00:42] Jyu**
Yup.
**[00:47] Ichi**
Do you really not mind this?
**[00:48] Jyu**
Not at all.
**[00:50] Ichi**
Oh, okay.
**[00:53] Hata**
Kebabs, jo! They're delicious, jo.
**[00:54] Ichi**
What the heck is that?
**[00:56] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:00] Ichi**
Uh...
**[01:01] Ichi**
What are you doing, Hatabou?
**[01:03] Hata**
Kebabs, jo.
**[01:05] Ichi**
Huh?
**[01:07] Hata**
Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:13] Ichi**
What is this? It's delicious.
**[01:18] Jya**
Yum!
**[01:19] Jya**
So good! So good!
**[01:20] Ichi**
Whoa, Jyushimatsu! Jyushimatsu!
**[01:23] Ichi**
Good boy, good boy, good boy...
**[01:25] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
**[01:28] Ichi**
Hatabou, these are super good.
What kind of meat is in these, anyway?
**[01:28] Hata**
Kebabs, jo. They're delicious, jo.
Delicious kebabs, jo. Keba—
**[01:34] Ichi**
Huh? Uh... What kind of meat is it?
**[01:38] Jyu**
Hatabou?
**[01:42] Both**
Huh?
**[01:44] Choro**
Our eyes totally met!
She totally looked right at me!
**[01:50] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo.
**[01:50] Choro**
The heck is that?
**[01:52] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers.
**[01:56] Choro**
Hatabou, what are you doing?
**[01:58] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo.
**[02:00] Choro**
Huh?
**[02:00] Hata**
Delicious hamburgers, jo.
**[02:06] Choro**
What is this? They're delicious, Hatabou!
**[02:09] Hata**
Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers, jo.
**[02:11] Choro**
Wow... What kind of meat are you using?
**[02:13] Hata**
Hambur—
**[02:15] ---**
Huh? What kind of meat is it?
**[02:20] Choro**
Er, Hata—
**[02:22] Todo**
Okay, seriously, Karamatsu-niisan!
**[02:25] Todo**
Why are you dressed like that here?
**[02:27] Todo**
When, where, and how much did you buy that for?
**[02:29] Todo**
Aren't you cold?
**[02:31] Kara**
I feel like I'll freeze to death.
**[02:33] Todo**
You're an idiot!
**[02:35] Kara**
What's that?
**[02:36] Todo**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Horumon
**[02:36] Hata**
Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
It's delicious, jo.
**[02:41] Hata**
Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
**[02:43] Todo**
What is this? It's yummy.
**[02:45] Kara**
It's too good!
**[02:46] Hata**
It's delicious, jo.
**[02:47] Todo**
Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?
**[02:52] Kara**
What kind of meat is this?
**[02:56] Oso**
Er, Hatabou?
**[02:58] Oso**
Seriously, what kind of meat is this?
**[03:01] Oso**
Hey!
**[03:03] Oso**
Hatabou!
**[03:04] Oso**
What kind of meat is it?!
***SIGN*** On Special!
**[03:05] Oso**
Okay, seriously! What kind of meat is this?
**[03:10] Hata**
Yay, jo.
**[03:12] Hata**
I made a fortune again, jo.
**[03:16] Oso**
Seriously, tell me what kind of meat this is!
**[03:19] Hata**
You're all my friends, so you
don't have to hold back, jo.
**[03:22] All**
Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?!
***SIGN*** Let Me Sing Big
***SIGN*** "School Matsu"
**[04:59] Choro**
Yeah, what? What?
**[05:01] Choro**
Whose turf you think yer on with
that smug face of yers, huh?
**[05:04] Choro**
Huh? Huh?! What?!
**[05:08] Choro**
You listening to me, huh?!
That's my spot, you asshole!
**[05:12] Choro**
Don't ignore me, damn it!
**[05:16] Todo**
The hell are you doing? Talk about lame.
**[05:20] Choro**
You! Todomatsu!
**[05:22] Todo**
Yo, Fappymatsu.
**[05:24] Choro**
The hell?! I'm your senpai!
**[05:26] Todo**
Hah! I never considered you my senpai!
**[05:30] Choro**
You want a piece of me?!
**[05:32] Todo**
I have a slight chance of
winning if it's against you!
**[05:40] Choro**
Hey!
**[05:41] Choro**
Have you ever been late? Huh?!
**[05:43] Todo**
Of course I have!
**[05:46] Todo**
Did you ever run in the halls, then? Huh?!
**[05:48] Choro**
Of course not!
**[05:50] Todo**
Lame!
**[05:51] Choro**
The hell did you say?!
**[05:53] Kara**
Hey, you guys!
**[05:54] Kara**
Shut up, you idiots.
**[05:56] Choro**
Th-That's...
**[05:58] Todo**
The self-proclaimed fashion
leader, Karamatsu-san!
**[06:01] Choro**
Wait, what's with that uniform?!
**[06:03] Choro**
Your nipples are showing!
**[06:05] Kara**
I know. Hot, right?
**[06:07] Todo**
That's seriously insane!
**[06:09] Choro**
That shaved line is crazy, too!
**[06:10] Kara**
You look up to me now?
**[06:12] Choro**
It's super insane.
**[06:15] Kara**
And? Is it cool?
**[06:17] Both**
It's insane.
**[06:18] Kara**
I got that it's insane. But is it cool?!
**[06:21] Both**
It's totally insane.
**[06:22] Kara**
I'm asking you if it's c—
**[06:23] Both**
It's super insane!
**[06:24] Kara**
Seriously, is it—
**[06:24] Oso**
Hey!
**[06:26] Oso**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[06:28] Todo**
That's...
**[06:29] Choro**
The trash leader, Osomatsu-san!
**[06:31] Oso**
Huh? Wha? Huh? What, what what?!
**[06:33] Oso**
Huh?! Huh?! What?!
**[06:34] Oso**
Huh? Wha? Huh? What?!
***SIGN*** Unemployed is Just Fine
**[06:38] Oso**
You guys bored? Huh?!
**[06:40] Oso**
I'm asking if you guys are bored, too. Huh?!
**[06:43] Todo**
Y-Yes...
**[06:44] Oso**
You really bored? Super bored?
**[06:46] Oso**
From day to night? You better
not be finding any dreams!
**[06:51] Oso**
You mooching off your parents?
**[06:53] Oso**
Are you talking about work, even
though you've never worked? Huh?!
**[06:56] Oso**
You invite your friends out to drink
**[06:58] Oso**
with every intention of having
them pay for you, huh?!
***SIGN*** Rage
**[07:01] Choro**
I'm sorry!
**[07:04] Oso**
You straight-edge.
**[07:05] Todo**
H-He's on a completely different level!
**[07:07] Oso**
Listen up—
**[07:09] Girl**
And then...
**[07:10] Girl**
No way.
**[07:11] Girl**
And then...
**[07:13] Oso**
Hey!
**[07:15] Kara**
Hey, that's enough, Osomatsu.
**[07:17] Oso**
Huh?
**[07:18] Oso**
The hell's your problem? You look super lame.
**[07:20] Oso**
I've gotta wonder how you have
the nerve to dress like that.
**[07:28] Kara**
Fight me, damn it!
**[07:30] Oso**
Huh?!
**[09:17] Kara**
O-Oh, shit...
**[09:19] Oso**
The leader in the shadows,
Ichimatsu-san, is here...
**[09:23] Ichi**
ksjdhfa
**[09:24] Oso**
Huh?! Uh, yes.
**[09:25] Oso**
You're absolutely right.
**[09:26] Ichi**
laksdjteowikmnc
**[09:27] Kara**
What? Really?!
**[09:29] Ichi**
dfafgoiklnm,ad.s
**[09:32] Choro**
Wow, that's crazy!
**[09:34] Ichi**
akhsdoiqkqkqlnakjdnkaj
asjfjkafhkafkjkjas
**[09:39] Todo**
Whoa! That's amazing!
**[09:40] Ichi**
askjhfaskjkla!
**[09:41] Four**
Sorry!
**[09:42] Ichi**
asdjkahsd
**[09:43] Four**
We're sorry!
**[09:44] Oso**
* Crap... I have absolutely*
* no idea what he's saying!*
**[09:52] Ichi**
asfdavmjkwg
**[09:53] Four**
Sorry!
**[09:54] Ichi**
rgtfcyi
**[09:55] Four**
We're sorry!
**[09:56] Oso**
*Why?! Why are we getting yelled at?*
**[10:25] Toto**
What'd you say?!
**[10:28] All**
Totoko-san!
**[10:30] Toto**
Mackerel, salmon, mackerel, salmon!
**[10:33] Toto**
Pacific bluefin tuna!
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Iyami's School"
**[10:41] Chibi**
Welcome! The hell?!
***SIGN*** 4F Iyami's Comedy School
**[10:42] Chibi**
You idjits! Damn it!
**[10:45] Chibi**
So now, I'm going to introduce
the principal of this school,
**[10:49] Chibi**
who'll be teaching you all
there is to know about comedy.
**[10:54] Chi**
*The* person who took the world by storm!
**[10:56] Chibi**
*The* star of the Showa Era!
**[10:58] Chibi**
The con artist comedian with an
overbite, Iyami-sensei, you idjits!
**[11:03] Iya**
Well, hello. Hello, hello.
**[11:05] Chibi**
Yeah! King of Comedy! Woo!
**[11:08] Iya**
Iyami's the name!
**[11:09] Chibi**
Woo!
**[11:10] Iya**
If we may get started, listen to this little tidbit.
**[11:13] Chibi**
What's up?
**[11:15] Iya**
The place me loves the most
is the department store.
**[11:19] Iya**
Because... of my *deppa* (overbite)!
**[11:22] Iya**
Yes, the *deppa*rtment store!
**[11:29] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:34] Chibi**
I'm gonna die! You slay me!
**[11:36] Iya**
And...
**[11:38] Iya**
The food me loves the most... is teppanyaki.
**[11:42] Iya**
Because of my *deppa*.
**[11:45] Iya**
Yes! *Deppa*nyaki!
**[11:51] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:56] Chibi**
The same gag again? Really, you idjit!
**[11:57] Iya**
This is what you call comedy!
**[12:03] Chibi**
Man, that was a great lesson,
wasn't it, you idjits?
**[12:06] Chibi**
See you tomorrow.
**[12:11] Chibi**
Look how much we made
from that stupid lesson.
**[12:15] Iyami**
School-related things are
going to be in from now on.
**[12:21] Chibi**
Who is it, you idjits?
The lesson's already over—
**[12:23] Six**
What up?
**[12:26] Six**
We've come to do comedy!
**[12:29] Chibi**
*They're totally not taking this seriously...*
**[12:31] Chibi**
Hey! Who the hell are you guys?
**[12:33] Oso**
Huh? I'm Osomatsu. I always got laughs in class.
**[12:37] Oso**
I'll be big in no time.
**[12:39] Kara**
I'm Karamatsu. I didn't get lucky in the actor biz.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[12:42] Kara**
Want my autograph?
**[12:44] Choro**
I'm Choromatsu. I'm experienced with retorts.
**[12:47] Choro**
Also, I can do MC and panel comedy.
**[12:49] Ichi**
I'm Ichimatsu. I wonder if the
crowd can keep up with my comedy.
**[12:53] Ichi**
That's the only thing I'm worried about.
**[12:55] Jyu**
I'm Jyushimatsu! Individuality?
**[12:57] Jyu**
Logic? What the heck is that?
**[12:59] Jyu**
All you need is excitement!
**[13:00] Todo**
I'm Todomatsu! Don't call me a comedian.
**[13:03] Todo**
I'm going for more of a pop image.
**[13:05] Oso**
There you have it.
**[13:06] Six**
Thanks for having us!
**[13:08] Chibi**
What the hell is up with
that attitude of yours?!
**[13:10] Chibi**
Don't you dare underestimate
comedy, you idjits! Damn it!
**[13:12] Iya**
Chibita-kun, calm down.
**[13:15] Chibi**
But, sir!
**[13:16] Iyami**
They are still amateurs.
It's silly to get so angry.
**[13:21] Kara**
So, when do I get to debut?
**[13:23] Todo**
When can I be on TV?
**[13:26] Iya**
You all seem pretty confident.
**[13:28] Oso**
Well, yeah! I mean, TV is so boring these days.
**[13:32] Oso**
If that's all they've got, we're much f—
**[13:34] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[13:36] Iya**
If you're going to be a professional,
don't say something isn't funny so lightly.
**[13:40] Iya**
You need the right knowledge and
education to laugh at things.
**[13:44] Iya**
Which means...
**[13:45] Iya**
People like you who say something isn't funny
**[13:48] Iya**
so easily is the same as saying
you're not funny yourself!
**[13:55] Chibi**
H-Hey, why are you getting so serious?
**[13:58] Iya**
We need to crush the egos of amateurs who
don't take this work seriously early on.
**[14:02] Chibi**
You're the angriest one here!
**[14:04] Iya**
You. Give me a one-liner.
**[14:07] Oso**
Huh?! Right now?
**[14:08] Iya**
Okay, 3, 2, 1.
**[14:10] Oso**
W-Wait! I can't right now!
**[14:12] Oso**
The mood's wrong and the hand-off was—
**[14:13] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:17] Iya**
There's no option to not do it for such reasons!
**[14:20] Iya**
You have nothing to defend,
and yet you're being defensive.
**[14:24] Choro**
Indeed. Being a poser is never good.
**[14:26] Todo**
And then?
**[14:29] Todo**
And then, Iyami-sensei?
**[14:32] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:36] Iya**
Cheap trick bastards like you
who can only mimic comedy things
**[14:39] Iya**
you've seen piss me off the most!
**[14:40] Choo**
Indeed, the type you see among students.
**[14:43] Todo**
Aw, but I just want to be popular,
so I don't care if I'm not funny.
**[14:47] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[14:50] Iya**
Wanting to be popular is perfectly fine.
**[14:52] Iya**
But in order to be funny,
**[14:53] Iya**
you have to *not* want to be
popular to an excessive degree.
**[14:56] Iya**
Would you be able to create
situations at mixers every night?
**[14:59] Iya**
It'd be funnier if you weren't popular.
**[15:02] Iya**
The dilemma of starting this
because you want to be popular,
**[15:04] Iya**
when in truth, you're funnier
when you're unpopular!
**[15:05] Iya**
Do you still think you could do it?
**[15:11] Choro**
You have to sacrifice your private
life in order to be successful.
**[15:15] Ichi**
Yeah, but being successful isn't everything.
**[15:18] Ichi**
As long as I'm able to do what I want...
**[15:20] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[15:23] Iya**
Comedy is a service industry!
What people think of you is everything!
**[15:27] Iya**
If you want to do what you want,
**[15:28] Iya**
go to some underground theater and do
some independent crap, you moleman.
**[15:31] Ichi**
Th-That's fine with me...
**[15:33] Iya**
Is it really?
**[15:35] Iya**
Stand-up comedians like that are only
allowed to say funny words!
**[15:38] Iya**
Can you see yourself at over forty,
working your butt off at a convenience store,
**[15:42] Iya**
and staking your life on witty comments?!
**[15:44] Ichi**
That kind of... hell...
**[15:46] Iya**
You need to be successful
in order to do what you want.
**[15:49] Choro**
Yup. That's a pro.
**[15:51] Jyu**
Then maybe I'll go for the surreal type.
**[15:54] Jyu**
I'll garner attention with
my unpredictable styl—
**[15:56] Iya**
Let me tell you something!
**[15:59] Iya**
"Surreal" is the most dangerous word of all.
**[16:01] Iya**
You're only surreal if you can be cliché.
**[16:03] Iya**
Weirdos like you who ignore the
rules are just plain weirdos!
**[16:09] Iya**
And...
**[16:11] Iya**
True weirdos like you would
struggle in this day in age.
**[16:14] Iya**
If you want to become a professional,
you need to put in some effort
**[16:17] Iya**
rather than just rely on your foundation!
**[16:21] Choro**
There aren't any successful people
who don't understand logic.
**[16:26] Kara**
I think I've got the rules of comedy down now.
**[16:29] Iya**
Oh? You wrote it all down?
**[16:31] Kara**
In this business, effort is everything.
**[16:34] Iyami**
Idiots who conscientiously
take notes on everything
**[16:36] Iyami**
their master says can't be successful.
**[16:38] Kra**
What?!
**[16:39] Iya**
Having the nerve to ignore advice
creates just the right balance.
**[16:44] Kara**
What am I supposed to believe?!
**[16:46] Choro**
Hey, guys? You're way too shocked.
**[16:48] Choro**
I'm sorry, Sensei. They're all stupid—
**[16:51] Iya**
Let me be honest. You're the
worst out of all of them.
**[16:54] Choro**
Huh?
**[16:56] Iya**
You haven't done anything
original since you got here.
**[16:58] Iya**
You're just making weak comments
in between actions to fill in pauses.
**[17:02] Iya**
You talk like you understand,
but you understand nothing.
**[17:04] Iya**
Guys like you are lame, gross, and painful before
**[17:06] Iya**
we even consider if you're funny or not.
And me hates guys like you the most!
**[17:14] Chibi**
U-Uh... I think that's enough...
**[17:17] Oso**
Wh-What the hell?
All you're doing is complaining.
**[17:19] Todo**
You're just finding fault with us.
**[17:20] Ichi**
Y-You complainer.
**[17:22] Iya**
What? Were you shocked by
the comments me gave you?
**[17:25] All**
Of course!
**[17:27] Iya**
Fine. Then we'll do a little experiment.
**[17:31] Iya**
You, there.
**[17:32] Ichi**
Huh? Me?
**[17:34] Iya**
Make some joke with this tennis racket.
**[17:37] Ichi**
Right now?!
**[17:38] Iya**
You can't?
**[17:40] Ichi**
I-I'll do it, but...
**[17:42] Ichi**
Um... Oh.
**[17:44] Ichi**
S-Strike. I'm an umpire.
**[17:49] Iya**
That's very straightforward and funny.
**[17:51] Ichi**
Huh? Really?
**[17:52] Chibi**
What? I didn't laugh at all.
**[17:55] Ichi**
Huh?
**[17:55] Chibi**
It's too cliché, you idjit.
I've seen that before, anyway.
**[18:00] Iya**
This time, you do it.
**[18:01] Jya**
'Kay. Let's see...
**[18:05] Jya**
Ah!
**[18:06] Jyu**
It got huge!
**[18:07] Iya**
Dirty jokes will scare people off!
**[18:11] Chibi**
No, I actually thought that was hilarious.
**[18:13] Jyu**
Really?!
**[18:14] Chi**
But I'm pretty sure I've heard that somewhere.
**[18:17] Iya**
That didn't bother me.
**[18:20] Jyu**
Really?!
**[18:21] Todo**
H-Hey, who's right here?
**[18:23] Kara**
I'm confused about what's good or bad.
**[18:25] Iya**
And *that* is comedy!
**[18:30] Iya**
When you have fans, that means you'll
also have people who don't like you.
**[18:33] Iya**
You want to satisfy both sides and
gain the support of thousands?
**[18:36] Iya**
You need to leave that
up to the professionals!
**[18:39] Iya**
Which means if lies and complaints bother
you, you won't be able to keep it up.
**[18:43] Iya**
You need to strengthen yourself mentally!
**[18:47] Iya**
Listen up.
**[18:49] Iya**
This is the most important thing.
***SIGN*** Pro
Amateur
***SIGN*** Wants to be a comedian Popular in class A-kun
***SIGN*** Loves variety Face is ugly B-kun
***SIGN*** Good at retorts Postcard writer C-kun
**[18:52] Iya**
You're going to enter this business with the
**[18:55] Iya**
experiences and confidence you already had,
**[18:57] Iya**
and you'll try to gain even more ability... But!
**[19:01] Iya**
That's a mistake to begin with!
**[19:03] Iya**
The first step to becoming a professional
is to take all of your experiences and...
**[19:07] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:09] Iya**
You need to throw them all away
and go back to zero, to an amateur!
**[19:13] Iya**
That is truly the first step
to becoming a professional!
**[19:22] Deka**
You guys, when you open for your senpais,
**[19:25] Deka**
you need to make sure not to get too many laughs.
**[19:28] Choro**
Huh? Really?
**[19:30] Dayo**
When you guys go on, we'll introduce
you as the "Super Funny Sextuplets."
**[19:35] Todo**
Hey, come on. Don't raise the bar for us.
**[19:40] Iya**
I forgot to mention this,
**[19:41] Iya**
but talking with dressing room guys who
haven't been successful on stage
**[19:45] Iya**
is super boring, and won't be any benefit to you.
**[19:47] ---**
Okay.
**[19:52] Iya**
Watch my jokes and learn.
**[19:55] Six**
Okay.
**[19:56] Iya**
Akatsuka-sensei, Akatsuka-sensei...
Please watch over me so I succeed...
**[20:00] Chibi**
Hey, guys...
**[20:01] Chibi**
Make sure you pay really close
attention to Iyami-sensei on stage.
**[20:08] Voice**
And next, we have this man...
The superstar from the Showa Era, Iyami!
**[20:17] Iya**
Y-Yes, yes... Y-Yes, h-hello...
**[20:24] ---**
Huh? It shouldn't be like this... Huh?
**[20:27] Iya**
Huh? It shouldn't be like this... H-Huh?
**[20:32] Iya**
H-Here's a little tidbit. I... I love
department stores because I've got an overbite.
**[20:45] Iya**
Sh-Sh... Sh-Sheeeh...
**[20:54] Chibi**
See? Even if you understand how it works,
**[20:56] Chibi**
if you can't actually do it,
it makes no difference.
**[20:58] Chibi**
If it were that easy, anyone could
make a living with comedy.
**[21:02] Chibi**
Conclusion: if you can, avoid this business!
**[21:09] Oso**
Okay... Let's give up on comedy.
**[21:12] Five**
Yeah, let's give up.
**[21:13] Crowd**
Are you all right?!
**[21:15] Crowd**
Get a hold of yourself!
**[21:16] Crowd**
Call an ambulance!
**[22:48] Oso**
Man, I've had enough of comedy.
**[22:51] Choro**
I don't think comedy was for us, anyway.
**[22:54] Kara**
We didn't have any luck.
**[22:55] Todo**
Actually, what's gonna be in from now on is this!
***SIGN*** Yoyomatsu Voice Acting Academy
**[23:00] Six**
Voice acting!
**[23:01] Ichi**
Heh. Now I only need to use my voice.
**[23:04] Jyu**
I have a feeling I can do this.
**[23:05] Choro**
If you look even half-decent,
you're considered hot.
**[23:08] Todo**
We could probably keep our private
lives even if we become famous.
**[23:11] Oso**
It's, like, perfect in all sorts of ways.
**[23:14] Five**
Yeah! Being a voice actor is perfect!
**[23:17] Toto**
Hey.
**[23:19] Six**
Ah! Totoko-chan!
**[23:21] Toto**
You guys need to project from your bellies!
**[23:24] Toto**
Dumbass!
**[23:25] Toto**
Project...
**[23:26] Toto**
From your...
**[23:27] Toto**
Bellies!
**[23:28] Toto**
Come on!
**[23:31] Toto**
Don't underestimate professionals, damn it!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** "Mahjong" "God Matsu"
# E21 - Mahjong / Godmatsu
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR190GMV6/mahjong--godmatsu)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Mahjong"
**[00:25] Kara**
*A long night...*
**[00:28] Kara**
*had begun.*
**[02:03] Kara**
*It's our first mahjong game in a few months.*
**[02:05] Kara**
*This first round*
**[02:10] Kara**
*opened with Choromatsu as the starting dealer.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 1
**[02:15] Kara**
*Usually, we're just shitty NEETs.*
**[02:17] Kara**
*But when mahjong is involved...*
**[02:21] Oso**
Riichi.
**[02:23] Choro**
*That was fast. What's his hand?*
**[02:25] Choro**
* It's probably safe to assume a tanpin,*
* and likely one with lots of waits.*
**[02:30] Choro**
* The north wind that he declared riichi*
* with is safe, with two in discards.*
**[02:33] Choro**
* There's a high possibility he was one away*
* from tenpai with two open waits.*
**[02:37] Choro**
* Which means the discarded four*
* of characters suji should still be safe.*
**[02:41] Choro**
*All right.*
**[02:43] Todo**
*Seven of characters? On the first play?*
**[02:45] Todo**
*That's messed up.*
**[02:46] Todo**
* He may be the dealer, but still,*
* it was Choromatsu-niisan who played it.*
**[02:49] Todo**
*Is he close to tenpai? Or in tenpai?*
**[02:51] Todo**
* But if he's in tenpai, he can declare riichi*
* right away, since he has the East seat.*
**[02:55] Todo**
* Wait, he might also have one*
* chance with a six of characters.*
**[02:59] Todo**
* But he could also have tiles no one's discarded yet,*
* dual pairs, or an edge wait on the seven.*
**[03:03] Todo**
* Well, I guess there's no*
* reason to push this hand.*
**[03:06] Jyu**
*Seven of circles? He's out.*
**[03:09] Jyu**
* He discarded the safe tile*
* of the player in riichi,*
**[03:12] ---**
* taking care of the tile that*
* might be dangerous later*
**[03:15] Jyu**
*if the dealer declares a riichi of his own.*
**[03:17] Jyu**
*But what I want to know is, where's the dora?*
**[03:20] Jyu**
* It's a chiitoi with two dora,*
* so he can't quit so easily.*
**[03:25] Jyu**
* The player in riichi plays the dora indicator,*
* the seven of circles, on the third turn,*
**[03:28] ---**
*then come the one and four of characters.*
**[03:30] ---**
* In other words, discarding that seven of circles*
* might have solidified his pair of dora.*
**[03:34] Jyu**
*So a menpin with two dora, for a mangan?*
**[03:37] Jyu**
* Or a tanyao might be added to it,*
* so any reverse dora would make it a haneman.*
**[03:41] Jyu**
*But then, why would the dealer push it that way?*
**[03:44] Jyu**
* He shouldn't have any dora,*
* or the east wind tiles...*
**[03:46] Jyu**
*Wait, does that mean he has a lot of circles?*
**[03:50] Jyu**
*Maybe the dora is over there.*
***SIGN*** Draw
**[04:20] Kara**
*It looked like a quiet start, but...*
**[04:24] Oso**
Tenpai.
**[04:28] Choro**
*W-With only riichi?*
**[04:29] Todo**
*Edge wait on the three of circles!*
**[04:30] Jyu**
*He got us!*
**[04:32] Kara**
* Osomatsu's mahjong policy is*
* to play as recklessly as possible.*
**[04:37] Kara**
*In addition to closed and edge waits...*
***SIGN*** East Hand 2
**[04:39] Oso**
Riichi.
**[04:40] Kara**
* He didn't balk at declaring*
* riichi with a single wait.*
**[04:42] Kara**
*And once you've declared, there's no folding.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 3
**[04:45] Kara**
* The hand that keeps pushing,*
* even against a dealer riichi...*
**[04:47] Kara**
*You push, push, and keep pushing.*
**[04:50] Kara**
*As a result...*
**[04:50] Jyu**
Ron. 12,000.
**[04:52] Jyu**
Ron. 12,000, so 12,300.
**[04:55] Todo**
Ron. 18,000.
**[04:57] Oso**
Bust!
**[04:59] Kara**
* No ability to defend.*
* Probability of a bust: 100%.*
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Never Sees the Last Hand
**[05:03] Kara**
*Osomatsu, Who Never Sees the Last Hand.*
**[05:05] Todo**
Oh, you silly. You're too gracious
a loser, Osomatsu-niisan.
**[05:09] Kara**
* Meanwhile, Todomatsu's mahjong*
* is just slightly different.*
**[05:12] Kara**
*A calling style, singing strong and fast.*
**[05:16] Todo**
Pon.
**[05:17] Kara**
*Not only does he have speed,*
**[05:18] Todo**
Chi.
**[05:19] Kara**
* but at times, he hands*
* the next player sweet tiles*
**[05:20] Todo**
Pon.
**[05:21] Kara**
*and goads rivals to crush each other.*
**[05:22] Todo**
Chi.
**[05:24] Jyu**
Chi.
**[05:28] Kara**
*However...*
**[05:29] Jyu**
Riichi.
**[05:30] Todo**
Huh?
**[05:30] Ichi**
Riichi.
**[05:31] Todo**
What?!
**[05:32] Choro**
Pon.
**[05:34] Todo**
What?! Three in tenpai?!
**[05:38] Kara**
* When pushed, his mentality is so*
* weak that he pisses himself.*
**[05:41] Kara**
*The longest he can play is 40 minutes.*
***SIGN*** Todomatsu
***SIGN*** The Prince of
Minimal Loss
**[05:44] Kara**
*The Prince of Minimal Loss, Todomatsu.*
**[05:49] Todo**
I p-pass.
**[05:50] Three**
There's no passing!
**[05:52] Choro**
Good grief. That's what you get
for not securing any safe tiles.
**[05:55] Kra**
* Choromatsu. The digital player who*
* plays defensively and logically.*
**[05:59] Kara**
* He reads the situation,*
* and makes only the best moves.*
**[06:03] Kara**
*He doesn't believe in the flow or luck.*
**[06:05] Kara**
*His mahjong can be categorized as superior.*
**[06:07] Kara**
*However...*
**[06:08] Choro**
R-Riichi.
**[06:10] Kara**
*His downfall is that he can't tell a lie.*
**[06:12] Kara**
* His waits are apparent in his eyes,*
* and his ron are hopeless.*
***SIGN*** Choromatsu
***SIGN*** No Return Open Riichi
**[06:16] Kara**
*No Return Open Riichi Choromatsu.*
**[06:18] Choro**
Huh? It's not coming out.
**[06:20] Thre**
Uh, of course not.
**[06:23] Jyu**
I have no intention of losing.
**[06:25] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu. The inexplicable occult system.*
**[06:28] Jyu**
1,000 points!
**[06:30] Kara**
*A cheap, nothing hand.*
**[06:31] Kara**
* However, as a result of this,*
* he goes into the zone.*
**[06:34] Jyu**
Tsumo! Tsumo! Tsumo!
**[06:35] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu Time is time for absolute offense.*
**[06:37] Kara**
*Once he has a hand, there's no stopping him.*
**[06:40] Kra**
*However...*
**[06:41] Jyu**
Ron!
**[06:41] Ichi**
Huh? That hand doesn't have enough tiles.
**[06:45] Kara**
* Once his excitement rises,*
* so do his odds of rule violations.*
***SIGN*** The Tyrant
of Furiten
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[06:49] Kara**
*The Tyrant of Furiten, Jyushimatsu.*
**[06:51] Ichi**
Try again.
**[06:54] Kara**
*Ah, Ichimatsu...*
**[06:56] Kara**
*The odd discards, the odd calls.*
**[06:58] Ichi**
Pon.
**[06:58] Kara**
* His speed and plays are totally unreadable,*
* making it black box mahjong.*
**[07:02] Kara**
*However...*
**[07:03] Kara**
* He's just normally weak, and normally*
* loses a lot, and has a pissy attitude.*
***SIGN*** Table-Flipping
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[07:10] Kara**
*Table-Flipping Ichimatsu.*
**[07:13] Ichi**
Why don't we go to bed?
**[07:14] Choro**
Are you a child?!
**[07:16] Kara**
* The time has finally come to*
* show you Karamatsu mahjong.*
**[07:20] Kara**
*I am the winning hand artist.*
**[07:21] Kara**
*There's no point in winning by compromise.*
**[07:24] Kara**
*Mangan? Haneman?*
**[07:26] Kara**
*Menchin? Non, non.*
**[07:29] Kara**
* I'll only settle for yakuman, and won't*
* even accept baiman tenpai. Therefore...*
**[07:33] Choro**
Tsumo.
**[07:34] Kra**
Success!
**[07:35] Kara**
*The poor man everyone wins off of...*
**[07:36] Sign**
*Karamatsu*
***SIGN*** The Never-Winning Fantasista
**[07:37] Kara**
*The Never-Winning Fantasista, Karamatsu.*
**[07:42] Kara**
I'm bust.
**[07:42] Todo**
You're so freaking weak, as usual!
**[07:46] Oso**
Aw, man.
**[07:48] Oso**
This is boring.
**[07:52] Oso**
You guys aren't playing mahjong just
to collect these point sticks, are you?
**[07:59] Oso**
Let's play for real.
**[08:02] Oso**
A game of life or death where
everything rides on just one tile.
**[08:09] Choro**
So you're saying we should get serious?
**[08:11] Todo**
I will kill you, even though you're my brothers.
**[08:14] Ichi**
You guys better start
digging your own graves.
**[08:17] Jyu**
Let's make it so you can't bust.
**[08:18] Kara**
We're going to crush each other.
**[08:21] Oso**
You guys...
**[08:23] Oso**
better prepare yourselves.
**[08:26] Kara**
*Yes, this is where the true battle began.*
**[08:28] Kara**
* The limitless, no-brakes Matsuno*
* Family mahjong has begun.*
**[08:33] Kara**
*The first one to catch
the flow was Osomatsu.*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Mahjong East Hand 1
**[08:35] Kara**
*He remained dealer for several hands.*
**[08:38] Oso**
Ron.
**[08:39] Oso**
5,800, so 6,100.
**[08:43] ---**
Tsumo.
**[08:44] Oso**
3,200 from all, so 3,400 from all.
**[08:47] Oso**
Tsumo.
**[08:49] Oso**
6,000 from all, so 6,300 from all.
**[08:52] Oso**
Ron. 1,500, so 2,700.
**[08:54] Oso**
Tsumo. 2,000 from all, so 2,500 from all.
**[08:57] Oso**
Tenpai.
**[08:58] Oso**
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so 2,000 from all.
**[09:01] ---**
Ron.
**[09:02] Oso**
9,600, so 12,000.
**[09:04] Oso**
Tsumo. 4,000 from all, so 4,900 from all.
**[09:06] Oso**
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so...
**[09:10] Kara**
*Eventually, there were over
50,000 bonus counters.*
***SIGN*** East Hand 1 Bonus: 50,042
**[09:14] Oso**
Riichi.
**[09:16] Oso**
Since you can't bust, I'm going to
squeeze everything I can out of you.
**[09:19] Todo**
*Damn it. I can't let him win any more.*
**[09:22] Todo**
*I'm going for it with this safe tile...*
**[09:27] Todo**
Go, safe tile! Go through!
**[09:37] Todo**
I-It passed!
**[09:39] Todo**
All right!
**[09:39] Oso**
Well, of course it'll pass if it's a safe tile.
**[09:42] Todo**
Yeah! Yay!
**[09:42] Oso**
Don't be so happy, Totty! It's a safe tile!
**[09:44] Todo**
I did it! Congratulations!
**[09:45] Oso**
Please stop!
**[09:46] Todo**
Thank you!
**[09:46] Oso**
It's seriously annoying! Stop!
**[09:49] Choro**
*I can't lose, either.*
**[09:51] Choro**
*This risky tile...*
**[09:53] Choro**
Go through!
**[09:59] Choro**
It passed! Wahoo!
**[10:01] Oso**
Uh, that's also a safe tile.
I've already discarded one!
**[10:05] Oso**
Wait, you wrote on this
with a pen, Choromatsu!
**[10:09] Oso**
Why are you guys fooling around now?
**[10:10] Oso**
Don't do this just because you're losing!
**[10:12] Kara**
The time has finally come.
**[10:12] Oso**
Huh?!
**[10:13] Kara**
The Godhand Jyushimatsu!
**[10:16] Kara**
Yeah!
**[10:17] Oso**
Uh, that yaku doesn't exist! Also,
why do you have that many 1 of bamboo?
**[10:19] Both**
Wow!
**[10:20] Oso**
What the hell is a godhand?!
**[10:22] Jyu**
Here, pon!
**[10:23] Jyu**
Chi! Pon! Chi! And then...
**[10:27] Jyu**
Naked wait!
**[10:28] Oso**
That's enough of that! Let's just play mahjong!
**[10:30] Ichi**
I did it!
**[10:32] Ichi**
H-Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
**[10:35] Five**
Yeah! Daisangen! Doot do do!
**[10:39] Five**
Tsuuiisou! Pon, chi, pon, chi, Hijirisawa!
**[10:45] Oso**
You guys don't play fair!
**[10:47] Oso**
I was totally winning!
**[10:51] Oso**
I'm never playing mahjong
with you guys again!
**[10:54] Oso**
Never!
***SIGN*** "Godmatsu"
**[11:00] Oso**
Man, I'm so over it.
**[11:03] Choro**
Over what?
**[11:04] Oso**
Being with you guys.
**[11:06] Choro**
Huh?
**[11:06] Oso**
I mean, I'm around guys with
the same face every single day.
**[11:10] Oso**
We're all adults now. Why don't you
guys go find your own place to live?
**[11:14] Choro**
Uh, that would include you!
You've got nerve to say that!
**[11:16] Todo**
Rising Fappyski-niisan.
**[11:18] Choro**
Who the hell is Rising Fappyski-niisan?
**[11:20] Todo**
So, what? Are you trying to act
like the honor student again?
**[11:23] Choro**
No, I'm not...
**[11:26] Choro**
I'm a failure, as well. I'll admit that.
**[11:29] Oso**
What?! You admit that?
**[11:30] Todo**
You don't want to work anymore?!
**[11:31] Choro**
No, not...
**[11:34] Choro**
...in the least.
**[11:38] Ichi**
What about job hunting?
**[11:39] Choro**
I don't... don't, don't... feel like doing that at all.
**[11:45] Kara**
Do you want someone to take
care of you all your life?
**[11:48] Choro**
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
**[11:51] Jyu**
In reality?
**[11:52] Choro**
I want to spend my life
chasing after cute idols.
**[11:56] Choro**
What the hell are you making me say?!
**[11:58] Oso**
Aw, man... If Choromatsu's
like this now, we're done for.
**[12:04] Todo**
Yep. Done for.
**[12:08] Some**
We're done.
**[12:10] Kami**
Still... We'll have to work someday.
**[12:14] Choro**
Well, that's true, but...
**[12:16] Oso**
That sucks.
**[12:17] Both**
Totally sucks.
**[12:26] Oso**
Well, shall we?
**[12:37] Todo**
The night breeze feels nice.
**[12:40] Oso**
Oh, yeah. We haven't been
to Chibita's in a while.
**[12:44] Kara**
Yeah, he's probably lonely.
**[12:46] Kami**
I want some oden.
**[12:48] Todo**
Same here. Chibita's oden is so—
**[12:53] Choro**
What's wrong, Totty?
**[12:54] Todo**
Is someone following us?
I feel a strange presence.
**[12:58] Oso**
Huh? Are you getting all scared again?
**[13:00] Ichi**
Here we go... So annoying.
**[13:02] Todo**
No, it's not like that...
**[13:09] Oso**
Hey... Isn't it kinda crowded in here today?
**[13:11] Choro**
Yeah, I wonder why.
**[13:13] Kami**
Sorry.
**[13:14] Kara**
Hey, scoot over a little.
**[13:16] Ichi**
I can't.
**[13:17] Kami**
Wouldn't want to catch a chill after a bath.
**[13:19] Todo**
Yeah, that's the worst for your—
**[13:23] Todo**
Who are you?!
**[13:24] Four**
What?!
**[13:30] Oso**
Wh-Wha?!
**[13:31] Jyu**
Right?
**[13:32] Jyu**
He's there, right? Right?
**[13:34] Ichi**
You noticed him, Jyushimatsu?
**[13:35] Jyu**
Well, duh.
**[13:37] Ichi**
Why didn't you say anything?
**[13:38] Jyu**
Duh.
**[13:38] Ichi**
People would usually mention that!
**[13:39] Jyu**
Duh!
**[13:41] Ichi**
What?!
**[13:42] Kara**
Wh-Who are you? Who are you?
**[13:44] Kami**
Sorry for surprising you. I'm Godmatsu.
**[13:49] Kami**
I'm your seventh brother who
was born from all of you.
**[13:52] All**
Huh?
**[13:53] Kami**
I was born when, every day, a little
bit of good fell off of you guys,
**[13:59] Kami**
and all of that goodness gradually came
together to create the godliest, purest Matsu.
**[14:05] Kami**
Perfect among the perfect.
The ideal among the ideal.
**[14:09] Kami**
That's me, Godmatsu.
**[14:13] Oso**
Sorry, you lost me.
**[14:14] God**
Huh?
**[14:15] Choro**
I don't get it at all.
**[14:16] God**
Ah...
**[14:17] Oso**
Would you draw it for us?
**[14:21] Kami**
Oh, sure.
***SIGN*** Good Hearts
***SIGN*** God
**[14:25] Kami**
Like this.
**[14:26] Six**
Huh...
**[14:27] Six**
I see.
**[14:28] Oso**
I guess stuff like this happens.
**[14:30] Choro**
And the shocking truth is that
gathering this from six of us was
**[14:33] Choro**
barely enough to make one person.
**[14:35] Todo**
And? What's your motive?
**[14:38] Kami**
Motive?
**[14:39] Todo**
You were born to do something, right?
What do you want to do with us?
**[14:45] Kami**
Nothing, really.
**[14:46] Todo**
"Nothing, really"?!
**[14:47] Kami**
Yeah. I mean, I was given
life because of you guys.
**[14:52] Kami**
Not to mention, I have clothes to
wear, and a futon to sleep in.
**[14:55] Kami**
What else could I wish for?
**[14:57] Todo**
But, I mean...
**[14:58] Ichi**
Huh?
**[14:59] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu!
**[15:00] Jyu**
Yeah?
**[15:01] Ichi**
Why are you sleeping now?
Nothing's been resolved yet.
**[15:07] Jyu**
But it's late. Let's go to sleep.
**[15:14] Oso**
* Yes, this is where the Hell*
* brought upon us by God began.*
**[15:25] Oso**
Man, I lost! I never expected Sheehkai Teio to win!
**[15:30] Kami**
Osomatsu-niisan, here.
**[15:31] Oso**
Huh?
**[15:33] Oso**
Wh-What?! This is a winning ticket!
**[15:36] God**
I bought it for you.
**[15:40] Oso**
Th-Thanks...
**[15:47] Kara**
Oh, brother!
***SIGN*** Hashimoto Nyaa
**[15:52] Choro**
I don't have the money...
**[15:53] Kami**
Choromatsu-niisan, here.
***SIGN*** Nyaa Live
Special VIP Seat
**[15:57] Choro**
Huh?
**[15:58] Choro**
Y-You're kidding, right? What?!
**[16:10] Jyu**
Here it comes!
**[16:19] Jyu**
What?!
**[16:21] Kami**
I've never been a coordinator...
**[16:24] Kami**
But I hope there's a girl here
that you like, Nii-san.
**[16:28] Todo**
Wha? What?
**[16:30] Kami**
This is good.
**[16:33] Kami**
Your oden is the best, Chibita-kun.
**[16:35] Chibi**
Oh, stop it, you idjit.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
**[16:39] Kami**
Wow, thanks!
**[16:43] Chibi**
What's wrong with you guys?
You're awfully quiet, you idjits.
**[16:48] Chibi**
Hey.
**[16:50] Oso**
Chibita, our check...
**[16:52] Chibi**
I already got it.
**[16:53] Oso**
You got it?
**[16:54] Chibi**
See? From Godmatsu.
**[17:03] Chibi**
You guys gonna be okay? I mean, with a
great guy like that as your new brother...
***SIGN*** A Few Days Later
**[17:12] Mom**
Godmacchan!
**[17:13] Dad**
Godmacchan!
**[17:14] Mom**
Hey, Godmacchan!
**[17:16] Dad**
Hey, Godmacchan!
**[17:18] God**
Oh, yeah. Here.
**[17:20] Mom**
What is it?
**[17:21] Kami**
Money. I'll be putting 30,000 yen
toward the household every month.
**[17:26] Mom**
Y-You don't have to...
**[17:28] Dad**
Where did you get this money?
**[17:31] Kami**
Huh? I'm already working.
**[17:34] Dad**
Y-You got a job?
**[17:37] Kami**
Yeah.
**[17:39] Both**
Godmacchan!
**[17:40] Kami**
Well, it's been about five days since I was born.
**[17:44] Kami**
It's only natural that I put some
money toward the household.
**[17:47] Mom**
I'm so happy! Even though I don't
remember giving birth to you at all!
**[17:50] Dad**
Wait, dear. I think what Godmacchan
is saying is actually normal.
**[17:55] Mom**
Huh?
**[17:56] Dad**
I think we might have been too accepting
of our sons being unemployed virgins.
**[18:02] Mom**
You're right. I've seen the light.
**[18:05] Mom**
Hold it, you NEETs.
**[18:07] Mom**
No, you maggots.
**[18:10] Mom**
When are you going to start working?
**[18:12] Six**
Well, uh...
**[18:14] Kami**
Don't, Mom.
**[18:15] All**
Huh?
**[18:16] Kami**
I think everyone has their own pace.
**[18:20] Kami**
I'm me, and my brothers are my brothers.
**[18:24] Kami**
Right?
**[18:26] Mom**
Godmacchan!
**[18:28] Dad**
God!
**[18:29] Mom**
You are God!
**[18:34] Choro**
Wait, what?
**[18:36] Choro**
Osomatsu-niisan, explain that again.
**[18:39] Oso**
I'm saying...
**[18:41] Oso**
Godmatsu will come into
the room like this, right?
**[18:44] Oso**
Then we...
**[18:46] Oso**
Like this!
**[18:48] Choro**
I see. Instant death.
**[18:50] Todo**
Then how about this?
**[18:52] Todo**
When he comes in...
**[18:54] Choro**
Ooh, mincemeat.
**[18:56] Kara**
I'll plug him full of holes.
**[18:58] Ichi**
I'll take him with me.
**[18:59] Jyu**
Yeah, yeah!
**[19:01] Choro**
You're all awesome! I love you all, brothers!
**[19:07] Oso**
Man, who knew it would end this way?
**[19:10] Todo**
It can't be helped. He opened Mom and Dad's eyes.
**[19:14] Choro**
Not to mention, he covered for us.
**[19:19] Kara**
He's done nothing wrong. He has no faults.
**[19:23] Ichi**
And that's exactly why, ironically,
we have no other option but to kill him.
**[19:28] Jyu**
Life is complicated.
**[19:29] Todo**
It sure is, Jyushimatsu-niisan!
**[19:48] Six**
Huh?
**[19:50] Oso**
Wh-What is that?
**[19:52] Todo**
H-He's gotten taller...
A-And his face is different.
**[19:55] Ichi**
And he's got a short back and sides!
**[19:57] Kara**
H-He's powered up... What happened?!
**[20:01] Choro**
That's it! Crap!
**[20:03] Oso**
What's wrong?
**[20:03] Choro**
Because we were going to kill him...
**[20:05] Choro**
Because of that, more of
our goodness fell from us.
**[20:09] Choro**
And he absorbed it all!
**[20:14] Ichi**
You mean...
**[20:14] Ichi**
The more evil we plot, the bigger he'll get,
until he becomes the ultimate God?!
**[20:20] Kara**
Not good... We've got a real problem here.
**[20:22] Kara**
We won't be able to defeat him easily.
**[20:24] Todo**
Wh-What should we do?
**[20:27] Toto**
Godmatsu-kun!
**[20:30] Kami**
Yes?
**[20:31] Toto**
Are you done yet? Let's hurry and go on our date.
**[20:34] Kami**
Sure, I'll be right there.
**[20:40] Oso**
Even Totoko-chan?!
**[20:43] Kami**
It's a bit early for that, Totoko-chan.
**[20:48] Toto**
You smell so nice, Godmatsu-kun.
**[20:52] Kami**
Oh? Is this your first time?
**[20:56] Toto**
Huh?
**[20:57] Toto**
Yeah...
**[21:02] Oso**
C-Crap...
**[21:05] Oso**
How the hell are we supposed
to beat a guy like that?!
***SIGN*** Inokashira Heights
**[21:15] God**
W-Wait a sec...
**[21:18] Three**
What?!
**[21:22] Bad**
Hah! Too easy. The good parts of a person?
**[21:26] Bad**
Now, now. You shouldn't underestimate
the shitty parts of us, either.
**[21:33] Bad**
My brothers! You need to have more
confidence in your shittiness!
**[21:38] Bad**
And you may call upon me,
Evilmatsu, again at any time!
**[21:50] Toto**
I... I never would have thought...
**[21:53] Toto**
This, and then that happened, and now this...
**[21:56] Mom**
I'm surprised.
**[21:57] Dad**
We just saw something incredible.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Todo**
This is Todomatsu.
**[23:34] Todo**
Next week's *Osomatsu-san* is...
**[23:36] Todo**
Huh? A... A bend in the space-time continuum!
**[23:40] Todo**
Whoa! Save me, Nii-sans!
**[23:43] Todo**
A-A-Aroma—!
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu" "Final Sheeeh"
# E22 - The Star of Hope, Todomatsu / Final Sheeeh
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYNQX343Y/the-star-of-hope-todomatsu--final-sheeeh)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Matsu
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu"
**[01:33] Todo**
What should I do?
**[01:34] Todo**
We need one more person for the mixer.
**[01:37] Todo**
If I can't find someone, it'll be called off.
**[01:40] Todo**
Let's see... The requirements are a guy in his 20s
**[01:43] Todo**
who's hot and energetic.
**[01:46] Todo**
But someone who looks better than me is a no.
**[01:49] Todo**
That would decrease my chances.
**[01:52] Todo**
I'd like it to be a guy who's a bit ugly,
**[01:53] Todo**
who can't brag about his job
and doesn't have any status.
**[01:56] Todo**
But someone who's easy to
talk to would be nice...
**[02:00] Todo**
Isn't there anyone?
**[02:04] Todo**
Oh!
**[02:05] Todo**
What about Atsushi-kun?
**[02:07] Todo**
No, wait. He's top tier.
**[02:09] Todo**
He's not bad to look at and has a car.
**[02:12] Todo**
What about Shittysuke?
**[02:13] Todo**
No, he'll scare the girls away.
**[02:16] Todo**
Hey, what about Normalmaru?
Yeah, he's just about right.
**[02:20] Todo**
But I have a hard time talking to him.
**[02:24] Todo**
There just isn't anyone I know
**[02:25] Todo**
who's in their 20s, not that popular,
and easy to talk to.
**[02:32] Both**
Uh, yes there is!
**[02:34] Oso**
There is, there is, there is, there is!
**[02:34] Choro**
There is, there is, there is, there is!
**[02:35] Oso**
There is, right?
**[02:36] Choro**
There is!
**[02:38] Choro**
There is, right?
**[02:38] Oso**
There is!
**[02:41] Oso**
Totty!
**[02:41] Choro**
Totty!
**[02:42] Oso**
There is, Totty!
**[02:43] Choro**
There is, Totty!
**[02:45] Both**
Totty!
**[02:49] Todo**
What to do...
**[02:51] Oso**
He's not even listening!
**[02:53] Choro**
Hey, Totty? Totty...
**[02:56] Choro**
Uh, Totty...
**[02:59] Choro**
Hey, Todomatsu!
**[03:02] Choro**
Wipe that blank stare out of your eyes!
**[03:05] Todo**
What?
**[03:06] Choro**
You're looking for someone else
to take to the mixer, right?
**[03:09] Todo**
Yeah.
**[03:09] Oso**
What are the requirements?
**[03:11] Oso**
Someone in their 20s, no status,
who's easy to talk to?
**[03:15] Todo**
Yeah.
**[03:15] Both**
There is someone! Right here close to you!
**[03:18] Totty**
Huh?
**[03:19] Oso**
There are a lot! Like, five!
**[03:21] Todo**
That many?!
**[03:22] Todo**
Huh? Who?
**[03:23] Todo**
Who are you talking about?
**[03:25] Todo**
Hey, tell me!
**[03:27] Choro**
Er...
**[03:28] Choro**
It wouldn't be right to tell you.
**[03:30] Todo**
Huh?
**[03:31] Choro**
We want you to think of it yourself.
**[03:34] Todo**
Why?
**[03:35] Choro**
Because we'll die of loneliness otherwise.
**[03:37] Oso**
Yeah. We'll die.
**[03:39] Todo**
What?
**[03:40] Todo**
Who is it? Huh?
**[03:41] Todo**
Seriously, who... Wait...
**[03:44] Todo**
Uh...
**[03:45] Todo**
Who? What?
**[03:46] Ichi**
He seriously doesn't know! How terrifying!
**[03:49] Oso**
Here's a hint. His name is something-matsu.
**[03:51] Choro**
Right. You basically said it,
but I guess it can't be helped now.
**[03:55] Todo**
Something-matsu?
**[04:01] Todo**
Who?
**[04:02] Choro**
Why don't you die?! Seriously, just go die!
**[04:05] Jyu**
Nii-san!
**[04:08] Todo**
What?!
**[04:09] Todo**
You're joking, right?
**[04:11] Todo**
Are you serious?
**[04:12] Todo**
Choose one of you guys to take to the mixer?
**[04:15] Todo**
No way, I can't do that! That's suicide!
**[04:19] Todo**
Um, I don't need any offerings.
**[04:21] Oso**
But it's tomorrow, right?
**[04:23] Oso**
If you don't find someone,
the mixer will be called off, right?
**[04:28] Kara**
Totty. Let's go with a win/win situation.
**[04:31] Todo**
There's no situation where
I'm winning right now.
**[04:33] Choro**
Be honest. Who of us would you pick?
**[04:35] Todo**
None of you! It's like comparing
five pieces of goldfish shit!
**[04:37] Choro**
That comparison doesn't exist!
**[04:40] Todo**
Well, if I had to choose...
**[04:43] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan.
**[04:44] Three**
What?!
**[04:45] Todo**
His hyperactive personality
might be a hit at a mixer.
**[04:49] Jyu**
Totty!
**[04:50] Todo**
There's no way I could take him, though.
**[04:52] Jyu**
Totty?!
**[04:53] Todo**
I mean...
**[04:55] Todo**
He's been hard ever since I mentioned a mixer.
**[04:58] Jyu**
Hardty!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[05:03] Todo**
All right, guys.
**[05:05] Todo**
We're about to hold the auditions,
so take this seriously.
**[05:15] Todo**
Listen up!
**[05:17] Todo**
I'm going to be frank!
Never hold me back ever again!
**[05:21] Todo**
We sextuplets are the lowest of
the low in the caste system,
***SIGN*** Awesome
***SIGN*** Matsuno
Family
**[05:24] Todo**
and reside in the shitty dark hell caste
of the demon world of darkness.
**[05:28] Todo**
And the only one of us
who has a glimmer of hope
**[05:31] Todo**
at graduating from being a virgin is me.
**[05:33] Todo**
Yet all you do is get in my way!
**[05:37] Todo**
How does it help anything
if scum is jealous of scum?
**[05:39] Todo**
If we don't overcome this obstacle,
we're going to be virgins forever!
**[05:42] Todo**
Let's make a promise. When I'm able to do it,
**[05:45] Todo**
I will come back for you all,
**[05:47] Todo**
and I will pull you up with me.
**[05:50] Todo**
So, let me go first!
**[05:53] Todo**
I'll break the way through to being top tier.
**[05:56] Todo**
I'll pay you all back!
**[05:58] Four**
T-Totty!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[06:01] Todo**
All right, let's start.
**[06:03] Todo**
Thanks for coming!
**[06:05] Four**
Thanks for having us!
**[06:07] Todo**
First, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[06:09] Ichi**
Wh-Why me?
**[06:11] Ichi**
You don't have to pick me. I'm not interested.
**[06:14] Ichi**
A mixer? What's that even mean?
**[06:16] Ichi**
How stupid.
**[06:17] Choro**
Do you realize how obvious you're being?
**[06:20] Kara**
All right, here we go.
Mixer audition, ready... go!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Ichimatsu
**[06:35] Oso**
Uh, Ichimatsu?
**[06:36] Choro**
Ichimatsu, you have to say something.
**[06:42] Choro**
No, no, no. Huh?
**[06:43] Choro**
What are you doing?
**[06:44] Oso**
Talk, Ichimatsu.
**[06:46] Jyu**
Ichimatsu-niisan?
**[06:47] Kara**
You can say anything.
**[06:49] Choro**
Ichimatsu?
**[06:49] Oso**
Ichimatsu.
**[06:50] Kara**
Talk.
**[06:51] Jyu**
Nii-san?
**[06:52] Oso**
Hey.
**[06:53] Choro**
Ichimatsu!
**[06:58] Kara**
Cut!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition Ichimatsu
**[06:59] Choro**
Wait, what the hell are you doing?!
Why are you taking a dump?!
**[07:02] Ichi**
Well, you guys wouldn't shut up.
I have my own pace!
**[07:07] Oso**
What does that have to do with anything?!
**[07:09] Oso**
Who takes a dump because
hey were thrown off their pace?!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:11] Todo**
Next!
**[07:13] Oso**
This'll be a cinch! Just you watch!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Osomatsu
**[07:17] Kara**
And, go!
**[07:20] Oso**
Good evening.
**[07:21] Todo**
Good evening.
**[07:22] Oso**
Well, aren't you cute? Yeah-yuh!
**[07:24] Todo**
W-W-Wait!
**[07:27] Kara**
Cut!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition Osomatsu
**[07:28] Todo**
What the hell are you doing?!
**[07:30] Oso**
Huh? Isn't it okay to do that at mixers?
**[07:32] Todo**
Like hell it is! What kind of idea
do you have about mixers?
**[07:35] Oso**
They'll let me do it if I grovel.
**[07:37] Choro**
This isn't a porno!
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:38] Oso**
What? You can't touch them?
**[07:41] Oso**
Then I'm not going.
**[07:43] Todo**
You're trash! Next!
**[07:45] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, you ready to go yet?
**[07:49] Jyu**
It hasn't gone down yet.
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[07:51] Todo**
Next!
**[07:53] Kra**
I, Karamatsu, shall talk my way into your heart.
**[07:56] Ichi**
Here we go. Damn it, here we go already!
***SIGN*** Mixer Audition
***SIGN*** Shittymatsu
**[08:01] Kara**
Mixers. They are a microcosm of life.
**[08:04] Kara**
A woman and a man meet and talk,
**[08:06] Kara**
while replenishing the liquids
their bodies need most.
**[08:10] Kara**
And then finally, yes...
**[08:14] Kara**
The check.
**[08:23] Choro**
That made no sense. Were you
trying to be cool just now?
***SIGN*** Todomatsu's Mixer Member Audition
**[08:26] Todo**
Next.
**[08:28] Todo**
Jyushimatsu-niisan, can you go?
**[08:31] Jyu**
Not yet.
**[08:32] Todo**
Then, next.
**[08:33] Todo**
That's you, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[08:36] Choro**
Nah, I'll pass.
**[08:37] Todo**
Huh?
**[08:38] Choro**
I thought it over, and mixers
don't interest me that much.
**[08:41] Choro**
And it's not good to be flashy.
**[08:42] Todo**
She'll be there.
**[08:45] Choro**
I want to have a more wholesome meeting...
**[08:48] Choro**
I think that's what true love is.
**[08:55] Oso**
You just sit there and keep rising.
**[08:57] Todo**
Damn Fappymatsu.
**[08:59] Ichi**
Jyushimatsu?
**[09:00] Jyu**
Aw, man. It's just not going down.
**[09:11] Oso**
Uh, Todo..
**[09:12] Todo**
Quiet. I'm thinking about who to take.
***SIGN*** Takes a dump
***SIGN*** Fast hands
***SIGN*** Boner
***SIGN*** Dialogue makes no sense
***SIGN*** Rising
**[09:19] Todo**
*Like I can pick one!*
**[09:21] Todo**
Let me be alone.
**[09:22] Oso**
Todomatsu!
**[09:25] Oso**
Sorry about all of this...
**[09:28] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:29] Oso**
You're pretty unfortunate to
have older brothers like us.
**[09:33] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:34] Oso**
You probably hate us, huh?
**[09:35] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:36] Oso**
You look down on us.
**[09:38] Todo**
Yeah.
**[09:42] Todo**
Well, then...
**[09:42] Choro**
U-Um... Please make an impartial decision.
**[09:46] Todo**
Shut up, you idiot!
**[09:48] Five**
T-Totty...
***SIGN*** "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu"
**[09:55] [SONG] Song**
Ah, Totty
**[09:57] [SONG] Song**
Oh, Totty
**[10:00] [SONG] Song**
The bridge to land,
**[10:03] [SONG] Song**
The star of hope
**[10:05] [SONG] Song**
You're the only one we can count on
**[10:07] [SONG] Song**
You're the only one
**[10:10] [SONG] Song**
If you can't do it, we
brothers will be destroyed
**[10:17] [SONG] Song**
Ah, Totty
**[10:19] [SONG] Song**
Oh, Totty
**[10:22] [SONG] Song**
Hurry up and do it
**[10:30] Todo**
Huh?!
**[10:32] God**
Totty. You should be more
honest with yourself.
***SIGN*** The God
***SIGN*** of Mixers
**[10:35] God**
You treat your older brothers like trash,
**[10:38] God**
but deep down, you're just trying to be nice.
**[10:41] God**
But the requirement is to bring one.
**[10:43] God**
Which means, no matter how hard
you try, you cannot take all five.
**[10:48] God**
Yes, at this rate, you will lose your chance, as well.
**[10:52] God**
Now choose. Choose the one.
**[10:56] God**
Deep down, you already know who you want to take.
**[11:05] Todo**
Y-Yes!
**[11:12] Girl**
Hey, Atsushi-kun. You bought a car, right?
**[11:15] Girl2**
I wanna go for a drive.
**[11:17] Atsu**
Sure. Whenever I can get a day off.
**[11:19] Girl**
I get to go first!
**[11:21] Guy**
Today's mixer sure is fun.
**[11:26] Girl**
Hey, Nothingo.
**[11:28] Todo**
Huh?
**[11:29] Girl**
Your name is Nothingo, right?
**[11:31] Todo**
Uh, yes...
**[11:33] Girl**
Get me another lemon sour.
**[11:35] Todo**
Oh. Right.
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** Latematsu
**[11:46] Guy**
Hey, you.
***SIGN*** "Final Sheeeh"
**[11:47] Guy**
Don't fall asleep in here. Hey, you!
**[11:49] Guy**
Damn it... Why are you alive?
**[11:51] Guy**
Oh, no!
**[11:56] Guy**
Huh?
**[11:59] Oso**
What'd you say?!
**[12:01] Oso**
You got a problem with that, Choromatsu?
**[12:03] Choro**
Huh? I said something because I do, you idiot.
**[12:06] Kara**
Who're you calling an idiot?
**[12:07] Choro**
I wasn't talking to you.
**[12:09] Todo**
Who are you calling a cute prince?
**[12:11] Choro**
I didn't even say that.
**[12:13] Ichi**
Who are you calling a Scottish Fold?
**[12:15] Choro**
I didn't say that, okay?!
**[12:16] Jyu**
Shut up! Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up, shut up!
**[12:19] Oso**
You're louder than any of us, Jyushimatsu!
**[12:22] All**
Yeah!
**[12:25] All**
Wasabi octopus?
**[12:27] Guy**
Be quiet. You're ruining the taste of my sake.
**[12:31] Oso**
The hell did you say, old man?
**[12:34] Oso**
Don't interfere in a fight between brothers!
**[12:40] Guy**
I've got more snacks now. Thanks.
**[12:42] Guy**
That's enough. If I fought with you,
I'd just be picking on the weak.
**[12:49] Oso**
Hey, he just called us weak.
**[12:51] Ichi**
Yeah, he did.
**[12:53] Todo**
What do you want to do? Kill him?
**[12:55] Jyu**
Let's kill him!
**[12:56] Kara**
It's been a while.
**[12:57] Choro**
Hey, old man! Don't underestimate us sextuplets!
**[13:01] Oso**
Kill him!
**[13:04] Guy**
Hup!
**[13:06] Guy**
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
**[13:17] Guy**
See? Now it's just me picking on the weak.
**[13:20] Ich**
The real fight's...
**[13:21] Ich**
...just about to start.
**[13:22] Choro**
We'll kill you!
**[13:27] Guy**
Good grief. I guess I'll have to use this...
**[13:40] Oso**
Wh-What was that move? Ugh, I'm tired.
**[13:46] Guy**
That is a special move from my
country, called the "Fheeeh."
**[13:49] Guy**
That should teach you a lesson.
**[13:52] Guy**
* It seems the one I'm searching*
* for is not in this country, either.*
**[13:56] Guy**
*I just wasted my time.*
**[13:58] Iya**
It's so noisy... What's all the racket?
**[14:02] Iya**
M-Me shochu!
**[14:04] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:06] Guy**
*That's... That pose...*
**[14:09] Iya**
Me gyoza! Me stew!
**[14:11] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[14:13] Guy**
* That's the pose of the legendary ultimate*
* move that surpasses my Fheeeh,*
**[14:16] Guy**
*the Sheeeh!*
**[14:17] Guy**
*To think someone exists today who can use it!*
**[14:20] Iya**
Those stupid sextuplets...
**[14:22] Guy**
Pardon.
**[14:23] Guy**
Would you happen to be a user of the Sheeeh Fist?
**[14:27] Iya**
Sheeeh Fist?
**[14:28] Guy**
Please don't hide it.
**[14:31] Iya**
What are you talking about?
**[14:32] Guy**
You must have inherited the great Sheeeh Fist.
**[14:36] Iya**
No, me is just Iyami.
**[14:38] Guy**
I'm so honored to meet you.
**[14:39] Iya**
Who are you?
**[14:42] Guy**
Please, Savior! Please use your
strength to save my homeland!
**[14:48] Iya**
U-Um... What are you talking about?
**[14:53] Guy**
My country, Akaatsuka,
is a small country near Tibet.
**[14:56] Guy**
Whoever wins the martial arts tournament held
once every ten years becomes the king.
**[15:00] Guy**
However, the current administration
is connected to a crime organization,
**[15:04] Guy**
and the fall of our country is imminent.
**[15:06] Guy**
So I would like for you, who has
learned the legendary Sheeeh,
**[15:10] Guy**
which no normal person could do,
**[15:13] Guy**
to come win the tournament
and save my country.
**[15:16] Guy**
You'll accept, won't you?
**[15:18] Iya**
Nope! Not happening!
**[15:20] Iya**
That's too much trouble!
**[15:22] Guy**
But if you don't, my country...
**[15:24] Iya**
Let it fall! Me is not interested
in any country other than France.
**[15:28] Guy**
Very well...
**[15:31] Guy**
Then let me explain the
history of the Sheeeh Fist.
**[15:33] Iya**
Why?!
**[15:34] Guy**
Please look over at that monitor.
***SIGN*** The Origins of Sheeeh
**[15:37] Nar**
* The Sheeeh Fist, otherwise*
* known as the Shiei Fist.*
**[15:41] Nar**
* Its origins are ancient, said to be founded*
* 9,000 years ago near the Yellow River.*
**[15:46] Nar**
*Its unique kata creates*
**[15:47] Nar**
* destructive force by taking one's*
* physical abilities to the limit,*
**[15:50] Nar**
* and is famous for being*
* an ultimate fighting move.*
**[15:52] Nar**
* In ancient times, it was called the Shiya Fist;*
* in the middle ages, the Shiyu Fist;*
**[15:54] Nar**
* and in recent times, the Shiei Fist,*
* and is now handed down as a myth.*
**[16:00] Nar**
* Quoted from "The Origins of Sheeeh"*
* by Minmin Books.*
**[16:03] Guy**
And that's that.
**[16:05] Iya**
Let me go! Let me go!
**[16:05] Guy**
You have the ability to use the Sheeeh Fist.
**[16:08] Guy**
Train with me, and enter the tournament.
**[16:11] Iya**
Me told you that it has nothing to do with me!
**[16:12] Guy**
But my country...
**[16:14] Iya**
Me told you, just let it fall, then!
**[16:16] Iya**
If you're that obsessed with it, you enter it!
**[16:18] Girl**
He can't!
**[16:21] Guy**
Shaorin.
**[16:24] Shao**
Iyami-san. My father has a
sickness of the heart. So please...
**[16:29] Iya**
Me will enter the tournament.
**[16:31] Guy**
Huh?
**[16:31] Shao**
Really?
**[16:33] Iya**
Of course! Me will use my ultimate
Sheeeh Fist and save your homeland.
**[16:38] Shao**
I-Iyami-san...
**[16:43] Iya**
*Me will be taking this cutie as my reward!*
**[16:46] Iya**
*Our honeymoon will be in France!*
**[16:51] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[16:53] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[16:54] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[16:56] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:00] ---**
Sheeeh...
**[17:03] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:06] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh.
**[17:10] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[17:14] Iya**
Sheeeh...
**[17:20] ---**
Sheeeh.
**[17:21] Iya**
Sheeeh on, sheeeh off.
**[17:23] Iya**
Sheeeh on, sheeeh off.
**[17:24] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
***SIGN*** The Day of the Martial Arts Tournament
**[17:40] Ann**
And now, the martial arts
tournament for the right to rule
**[17:44] Ann**
the kingdom of Akaatsuka is about to begin.
**[17:46] Ann**
The first match is between these cards.
**[17:48] Oso**
Choromatsu.
**[17:49] Choro**
Hm?
**[17:50] Oso**
How much did you bet?
**[17:51] Choro**
80 yen. What about you, Ichimatsu?
**[17:53] Ichi**
70 yen.
**[17:54] Todo**
I bet 50 yen.
**[17:55] Kara**
I bet 60 yen.
**[17:56] Oso**
Yeah, I bet 60, too.
**[17:58] Choro**
So... That makes the total 320 yen.
**[18:02] Oso**
This'll be a pretty big wager.
**[18:04] Ichi**
What about you, Jyushimatsu?
**[18:05] Jyu**
Aw, I didn't make it in time to enter.
**[18:09] Todo**
Wait, you were gonna enter?
**[18:14] Choro**
Iyami, if you lose, we'll beat you to a pulp!
**[18:16] Todo**
We'll burn your house down.
**[18:18] Jyu**
Pull in your arms! Watch the ball!
**[18:20] Guy**
It'll be all right. Let us trust
the results of your training.
**[18:24] Shao**
Iyami-san...
**[18:27] Iya**
Trust me.
**[18:30] Shao**
Yeah.
**[18:31] Ann**
And the first match begins!
**[18:36] Iya**
Sorry, but me is here to win.
You're just going to have to lose.
**[18:50] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[18:57] Shao**
Iyami-san, look out!
**[19:01] Iya**
Huh? Huh?!
**[19:03] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:07] Iya**
Huh? What?
**[19:08] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[19:12] Ann**
He's being pounded. Is the match over already?
**[19:15] Guy**
I-Impossible! His Sheeeh kata should be perfect.
**[19:18] Shao**
Iyami-san!
**[19:21] Kara**
Hey, what's with that?
**[19:27] Oso**
You idiot!
**[19:30] Oso**
Iyami! What's that half-assed sheeeh?!
**[19:32] Oso**
You trained? Your kata is perfect?
**[19:34] Oso**
You idiot!
**[19:35] Oso**
A sheeeh that only looks perfect
on the outside is pointless!
**[19:38] Iya**
On the outside?
**[19:40] Oso**
Of course it won't be powerful
if you don't put any feeling into it!
**[19:43] Oso**
You need to sheeeh from your belly!
**[19:45] Oso**
Everyone's waiting for you to
sheeeh from the heart!
**[19:48] Iya**
Sheeeh from the heart?
What are you talking about?
**[19:52] Choro**
Okay, leave this to us. Hey, what's this?
**[19:56] Iya**
That's me bank statement!
**[20:01] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:03] Both**
There it is!
**[20:04] Iya**
Damn it, Osomatsu! What are you doing?!
**[20:06] Choro**
No, I'm Choromatsu.
**[20:08] Todo**
Iyami, this too!
**[20:10] Iya**
That's my insurance card!
**[20:14] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:16] Both**
Yes!
**[20:17] Kara**
Iyami, I released a photobook.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[20:20] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:22] Jyu**
Iyami, look!
**[20:24] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[20:26] Oso**
Iyami, this girl actually has a husband and kids.
**[20:31] Iya**
Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
**[20:34] Ann**
And he's down! Iyami's magnificent
attack has hit its mark!
**[20:40] Iya**
That's enough out of all of you!
What do you have against me?!
**[20:44] Choro**
Whew, it worked.
**[20:46] Oso**
All right!
**[20:47] Oso**
Time for the final blow. Let's go!
**[20:48] Todo**
Uh, but...
**[20:50] Todo**
I don't think I have anything else
to surprise Iyami with.
**[20:52] Oso**
Sheeeh! Seriously?!
**[20:54] Guy**
Screw this sheeeh. I'll kill you!
**[21:01] Todo**
Crap, crap, crap! Hurry and find
something to surprise him!
**[21:04] Ichi**
What about your collection, Totty?
**[21:06] Totty**
Sheeeh! Why did you bring that?!
**[21:08] Totty**
What's the point of surprising me?!
**[21:09] Oso**
Iyami, look!
**[21:11] Both**
We're naked!
**[21:12] Chro**
Sheeeh! Stop!
**[21:13] Jyu**
Boeh!
**[21:14] Choro**
Not "Boeh!"
**[21:15] Guy**
This is the end!
**[21:20] Six**
Our 320 yen!
**[21:31] Oso**
Th-That's...
**[21:33] Dayon**
I made it in time.
**[21:35] Six**
Dayon!
**[21:42] Iya**
Final...
**[21:44] Iya**
Final...
**[21:47] Iya**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Fin
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:39] Oso**
Yay! Next week's the final episode!
**[23:42] Oso**
Huh? It's not?
**[23:43] Oso**
There are three more episodes?
***SIGN*** "Kerosene" "Dayon Tribe"
**[23:44] Oso**
I hate fussing over little details like that.
**[23:48] Oso**
Also, I want some yakiniku!
# E23 - Kerosene / Dayon Tribe
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6MGP3926/kerosene--dayon-tribe)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** "Kerosene"
**[01:43] Oso**
Thanks.
**[02:53] Oso**
*Hey, go.*
**[02:56] Oso**
*Someone go. You heard it go off, didn't you?*
**[02:59] Ichi**
* The kerosene ran out.*
* You guys realize that, don't you?*
**[03:02] Choro**
*Come on, now. This is just a waste of time.*
**[03:04] Choro**
*Someone's going to have to go eventually.*
**[03:07] Todo**
* Man, we're NEETs and you guys*
* hate doing even this much work?*
**[03:11] Todo**
*You really are failures as humans.*
**[03:13] Oso**
*You scumbags, hurry up and go.*
**[03:14] Ichi**
*Are you all children? Hurry and go.*
**[03:16] Choro**
*Go.*
**[03:17] Todo**
*Come on, go!*
**[03:19] Four**
*Hurry up!*
**[03:21] Kara**
*Wait, why me?! That's messed up!*
**[03:24] Kara**
*Stop looking at me!*
**[03:25] Kara**
* I mean, I filled it up yesterday*
* and the day before that.*
**[03:28] Kara**
*I'm not doing it today.*
**[03:31] Kara**
*I had been doing it because I care for all of you.*
**[03:34] Kara**
* But then I realized that*
* too much love ruins a person.*
**[03:37] Kara**
*It's important to also let them go at times.*
**[03:39] Kara**
*Brothers, for the sake of love,*
**[03:42] Kara**
* tonight I'm expressing all of my love*
* by not refilling the kerosene.*
**[03:45] Kara**
Ow! Hot!
**[03:47] Todo**
Oh, sorry.
**[03:49] Kara**
* Brother! Even if you do something*
* like that, I'm not moving a step.*
**[03:54] Oso**
* What the hell? He's being*
* more stubborn than usual..*
**[03:57] Ichi**
*This screws up my calculations.*
**[04:02] Oso**
* J-Jyushimatsu's actually*
* asleep at a time like this.*
**[04:06] Oso**
*He's automatically out of the running. No fair!*
**[04:09] Choro**
*Wait, just how cold is he?*
**[04:10] Choro**
* I didn't even think he understood*
* "cold" since he's so stupid.*
**[04:14] Todo**
*H-Hey, guys... Ichimatsu-niisan is...*
**[04:18] Todo**
*...pretending to be asleep!*
**[04:21] Choro**
*That dirty bastard! He's copying Jyushimatsu!*
**[04:24] Choro**
*He's trying to put himself out of the running.*
**[04:26] Todo**
*You fiend! You vile villain!*
**[04:29] Oso**
*It's not gonna be that easy, Ichimatsu.*
**[04:33] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you? Huh?*
**[04:35] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you?*
**[04:36] Oso**
*You're awake, aren't you? Hey!*
**[04:39] Chohro**
*Ew! It came out his mouth!*
**[04:41] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu?*
**[04:43] Oso**
*Hey, Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu, hey!*
**[04:47] Oso**
*Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu!*
**[04:49] Choro**
*Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...*
**[04:52] Oso**
*Ichimatsu?! Ichimatsu-chan?!*
**[04:55] Choro**
*Wait, he's gonna die, die, die! He's gonna die!*
**[04:57] Choro**
* At this rate, it'd be easier to just*
* go fill the kerosene, Ichimatsu!*
**[05:06] Choro**
*Are you kidding me?! His tenacity is amazing!*
**[05:09] Oso**
*Not bad, little brother.*
**[05:11] Oso**
*Huh? What?*
**[05:12] Oso**
*C-Crap! I suddenly need to pee, now of all times!*
**[05:17] Todo**
*It's finally happening.*
**[05:20] Oso**
*That asshole! The tea!*
**[05:22] Oso**
*I get it now. I thought you were being oddly nice,*
**[05:25] Oso**
*but it was a trap set over a long span of time!*
**[05:29] Choro**
* Well done, Totty. Now he's gotta*
* stand up to go to the bathroom.*
**[05:32] Choro**
* That'll automatically put the responsibility*
* to fill up the kerosene into effect.*
**[05:36] Choro**
*However...*
**[05:42] Todo**
*Ow, ow, ow! Hey, hey, hey!*
**[05:44] Choro**
*Yes...*
**[05:45] Choro**
*It's faster to kill you than wait for him to pee.*
**[05:50] Todo**
*Ow! Hey! Ow, ow, ow, ow!*
**[05:53] Todo**
* Wait, so this is the result?!*
* These assholes resort to violence again?!*
**[05:56] Todo**
* What was the point of the battle*
* of wits up to now, you scum?!*
**[06:06] Todo**
*No way in hell!*
**[06:08] Todo**
* Even if my legs become mincemeat,*
* I'm not going to refill the kerosene!*
**[06:13] Todo**
*Just you watch!*
**[06:18] Oso**
*Silly youngest brother.*
**[06:20] Ichi**
*Making us go through all that...*
**[06:21] Choro**
*You should've gone in the first place.*
**[06:23] Kara**
*Sorry, Totty.*
**[06:26] Todo**
Guys, I'm gonna air things out a bit.
**[06:29] All**
*Huh?*
**[06:32] All**
*What?!*
**[06:35] Todo**
*You can all die! This is a war of attrition!*
**[06:38] Oso**
*Just how eccentric is he?! Is he stupid?!*
**[06:40] Ichi**
*I've been telling you all this time!*
**[06:41] Ichi**
*The most dangerous one of us is Todomatsu!*
**[06:44] Kara**
*Totty!*
**[06:45] Choro**
*Wait, what is happening right now?!*
**[06:47] Choro**
* We want to put kerosene in*
* to warm up the room, right?!*
**[06:49] Choro**
*Why the hell are we in a blizzard right now?!*
**[06:51] Todo**
*It's cold! I'm gonna die!*
**[07:01] Oso**
*Huh? Wait, what was that?*
**[07:03] Oso**
*Did Jyushimatsu close it?*
**[07:05] Choro**
*Seriously? Has he...*
**[07:07] Ichi**
*...been...*
**[07:09] Five**
*...awake this whole time?*
**[07:11] Oso**
* No, no, no, he would never*
* do something so evil...*
**[07:14] Ichi**
*He's not smart enough to do that.*
**[07:16] Kara**
*If he was awake all this time,*
**[07:17] Kara**
*it would mean he's been putting on an act*
**[07:19] Kara**
*so he wouldn't have to refill the kerosene.*
**[07:21] Todo**
*It's not possible. Not Jyushimatsu-niisan.*
**[07:24] Choro**
* Well, just go and check, Ichimatsu.*
* Go see if he's asleep.*
**[07:27] Ichi**
*Righto.*
**[07:33] Choro**
*Well? He's asleep, right?*
**[07:36] Ichi**
*No, he's totally awake.*
**[07:38] Four**
*What?!*
**[07:40] Four**
*Scary!*
**[07:42] Choro**
*What?! I can't believe in anything anymore!*
**[07:44] Todo**
* So he's going to stay in that position*
* until someone refills the kerosene?*
**[07:48] Todo**
*That back is a waiting back?*
**[07:50] Oso**
* What the hell is a "waiting back"?!*
* Is this a horror movie?!*
**[07:54] Jyu**
Hey, guys.
**[07:55] Five**
*He spoke!*
**[07:58] Jyu**
The heater's out of kerosene.
**[08:03] Five**
*He actually said it!*
**[08:05] Oso**
*He just went and said it!*
**[08:06] Todo**
*After all of our trouble to not actually say it!*
**[08:10] Choro**
* And he went to sleep! He just escaped*
* after leaving that troublesome remark!*
**[08:14] Kara**
* Just how much of a selfish*
* boy are you, Jyushimatsu?!*
**[08:17] Ichi**
*Die, you dumbass!*
**[08:19] Jyu**
Ugh.
**[08:21] Jyu**
I said the kerosene's out.
You guys are cold, aren't you?
**[08:27] Oso**
*Huh? Is he actually going to fill it himself?*
**[08:30] Ichi**
*No, wait...*
**[08:32] Ichi**
*Hey, bring the kerosene tank, Jyushimatsu!*
**[08:34] Ichi**
*Jyushima—*
**[08:37] Five**
*Huh?*
**[08:38] Five**
*What?!*
**[08:40] Jyu**
Ah, so warm.
**[08:43] Ichi**
*Wait, why?!*
**[08:44] Ichi**
*Why did you just get yourself hot soup?!*
**[08:46] Oso**
* You should have refilled the*
* kerosene while you were out!*
**[08:51] Jyu**
So good!
**[08:53] Todo**
*And he went back to sleep! He escaped again?!*
**[08:55] Kara**
*Jyushimatsu!*
**[08:58] Jyu**
Oh, yeah.
**[09:01] Jyu**
I *said*, the kerosene's out, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[09:08] Choro**
*Wh-Why?! Why did you appoint me?!*
**[09:12] Choro**
* Now I have no choice but to refill it!*
* What do you have against me?*
**[09:16] Choro**
*What did I ever do to you, Jyushimatsu?!*
**[09:21] Jyu**
Ugh, it's so friggin' cold.
**[09:22] Osotodo**
Yay! Yay!
**[09:23] Choro**
*Jyushimatsu!*
***SIGN*** End
***SIGN*** "Dayon Tribe"
**[09:30] Choro**
Damn it all, Jyushimatsu!
Why did you appoint me?
**[09:35] Choo**
And we didn't even have
any kerosene at the house.
**[09:37] Choro**
Jeez, where is the gas station anywa—
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[09:45] Oso**
You can't be serious, Choromatsu!
**[09:48] Oso**
How long does it take to buy some kerosene?
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[09:53] Oso**
Oh?
**[09:55] Kara**
Cold! Oh, cold!
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Pub
**[10:02] Jyu**
Where's the kerosene?
**[10:05] Jyu**
Hey, where's the kerosene? Kerosene!
**[10:06] Ichi**
C-Calm down. Shittymatsu's out getting it...
**[10:14] Choro**
This warms me up.
**[10:17] Kara**
My body feels so warm.
**[10:18] Oso**
The alcohol you drink while leaving your
little brothers freezing at home is the best!
**[10:36] Jyu**
It's cold!
**[10:39] Ichi**
D-Don't kill me!
**[10:48] Choro**
Oh, we fell asleep.
**[10:51] Choro**
Hey, you two. We should get home.
**[10:56] Choro**
Huh? Huh?!
**[11:00] Choro**
What is this?! What?!
**[11:01] Choro**
What the heck? Where are we?
**[11:03] Choro**
Hey! Hey, I said!
**[11:06] Oso**
It's just a dream.
**[11:07] Kra**
Just a dream.
**[11:08] Choo**
No, no, no. This isn't the time to mess around!
**[11:10] Choro**
This really isn't good! Where the hell are we?
**[11:13] Choro**
Ow, ow, ow!
**[11:15] Choro**
That hurts!
**[11:17] Choro**
What are you doing?!
**[11:18] Oso**
It hurts? Guess it's not a dream, then.
**[11:21] Choro**
Do that to your own cheek, please!
**[11:23] Kara**
Since it's not a dream...
**[11:25] Kara**
What did you do, Choromatsu?
**[11:27] Choro**
Hey, there's no way I could've...
**[11:30] Oso**
You still can't hold your liquor, I see.
**[11:35] Kara**
Hey, isn't that...
**[11:36] Oso**
Oh, excuse me.
**[11:38] Choro**
Hey, wait—
**[11:40] Oso**
It should be this way.
**[11:41] Kara**
Help!
**[11:49] Oso**
Wh-What the hell is this?
**[11:51] Oso**
Huh?! What?!
**[11:53] Kara**
Th-They're all Dayon!
**[11:56] Kara**
Just how many are there?
**[12:13] Oso**
Wh-What should we do?
**[12:15] Kara**
Why are you asking me?
**[12:16] Kara**
Are you all right, Choromatsu—
**[12:58] Kara**
This always happens!
**[13:00] Oso**
What the hell?! Why do we
have to go through this?
**[13:03] Kara**
Let's just get to the exit!
**[13:08] Kara**
Are you okay, Choromatsu?
**[13:09] Kara**
I'll save you, Choromatsu!
**[13:11] Choro**
Then stop, Shittymatsu!
**[13:29] Todo**
Those assholes! How long does
it take to buy kerosene?!
**[13:33] Ichi**
I'll kill 'em.
**[13:34] Jyu**
Kill 'em!
**[13:39] Todo**
Dayon?
**[13:41] Todo**
Hey, have you seen the shitbags from our house?
**[13:45] Todo**
Hey, hello? Dayon, come on...
**[14:03] Three**
What?!
**[14:04] Three**
Yay!
**[14:07] Three**
Yahoo!
**[14:10] Jyu**
Boehh!
**[14:12] Todo**
Ow, ow, ow...
**[14:14] Todo**
Huh?! Wh-Where are we?!
**[14:17] Ichi**
We got sucked in.
**[14:19] Todo**
So we're inside Dayon?!
**[14:20] Todo**
Huh?! Gross!
**[14:23] Jyu**
It's warm in here! Yay!
**[14:26] Jyu**
I two-seam to be alive again!
**[14:27] Jyu**
Thank you, homerun king!
**[14:29] Jyu**
Sorry to make you worry, and then...
**[14:31] Jyu**
Boehh! And then...
**[14:34] Jyu**
Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
**[14:39] Todo**
Anyway, let's look for a way out.
**[14:42] Jyu**
Wow, there's a lot of stuff in here.
**[14:46] Jyu**
Even a bat.
**[14:47] Todo**
Hey, I don't think you should touch that.
**[14:48] Todo**
You too, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[14:50] Todo**
You don't need to try to collect
all of the cats in the world!
**[14:54] Jyu**
Hey, isn't this...
**[14:56] Todo**
It's Choromatsu-niisan's!
**[14:57] Ichi**
That's it! The same thing
must have happened to them.
**[15:00] Ichi**
So they're probably still in here somewhere.
**[15:08] Todo**
Hold it!
**[15:11] Todo**
Why don't the three of us go outside first?
**[15:13] Todo**
I mean, just for a second.
Of course, we'll come and save them.
**[15:17] Todo**
But why don't we go outside for a sec and
figure out how we're gonna save them first?
**[15:25] Ichi**
Todomatsu.
**[15:26] Jyu**
Todomatsu.
**[15:29] Ichi**
Yeah, let's do that.
**[15:30] Jyu**
Huh?!
**[15:33] Dayon**
I'm drunk!
**[15:36] Dayo**
I can't walk straight!
**[15:45] Three**
Yahoo!
**[16:14] Todo**
What?! What the hell is this?
**[16:25] Todo**
Chorofappyski!
**[16:34] Todo**
What? What? What?!
**[16:36] Todo**
What are you doing?! Why are you fitting in?
**[16:39] Todo**
A wedding? What's going on?!
**[16:40] Oso**
Todomatsu, calm down, dayon.
**[16:42] Todo**
You guys, too?!
**[16:43] Oso**
Everyone in this land is good, dayon.
**[16:46] Kara**
Don't be so wary, yon.
**[16:47] Todo**
Don't add "yon" to everything! It's infuriating!
**[16:51] Choro**
She... saved me.
**[16:56] Choro**
That moment, when I was about to die
from fear and drunkenness, she...
***SIGN*** Stomach Medicine
**[17:07] Oso**
Right. They have everything here, yon.
**[17:11] Oso**
Food that Dayon sucked in,
**[17:13] Oso**
as well as appliances, plants, porn DVDs,
and automatic mahjong tables,
**[17:18] Oso**
not to mention everything is free,
so we want for nothing, yon.
**[17:21] Oso**
And above all, we can stay NEETs
and no one gets mad, yon.
**[17:25] Oso**
At first, we didn't understand why, yon.
**[17:28] Oso**
But then we realized, dayon.
It's because everyone's the same, dayon.
**[17:32] Oso**
Yes, our faces, language, status...
**[17:34] Oso**
The endless calm and ease
that are born from that...
**[17:37] Oso**
That's what the Dayon Tribe is all about, yon.
**[17:41] Oso**
So we decided to live here forever, dayon.
**[17:44] Todo**
Are you stupid?! Why are you so stupid?!
**[17:47] Jyu**
Huh? This feels... Huh?
**[17:52] Ichi**
You're right...
**[17:53] Ichi**
Huh? Huh?
**[17:55] Choro**
Come on, we're going home.
**[17:57] Choro**
Dayon, dayon...
**[17:58] Todo**
No! There's no way you can live here!
**[18:01] Todo**
Mom and Dad will be worried.
**[18:04] Choro**
But everyone's so nice, dayon.
**[18:06] Todo**
Yeah, I get that they're nice. But it's not possible.
**[18:10] Choro**
Why, dayon?
**[18:11] Todo**
Why?! Do I really need to give a reason?!
**[18:13] Todo**
Don't you have a general idea?!
**[18:15] Todo**
Of course you can't live here!
**[18:16] Todo**
You two!
**[18:17] Todo**
Stop with the sexual harassment
and help me! Come on!
**[18:21] Jyu**
It stretches.
**[18:23] Ichi**
It stretches.
**[18:24] Kara**
Wait, that doesn't stretch! It doesn't stretch!
**[18:28] Todo**
Come on, Choromatsu-niisan.
**[18:29] Cho**
Nope, dayon.
**[18:30] Todo**
Come on.
**[18:31] Choro**
Nope, dayon.
**[18:32] Todo**
We're going home!
**[18:34] Choro**
Nope, nope, nope, dayon!
**[18:36] Todo**
Ugh!
**[18:39] Todo**
Oh, s-sorry.
**[18:41] Choro**
That's enough. That's...
**[18:44] Choro**
That's enough!
**[18:45] Choro**
Stop!
**[18:49] Choro**
That's enough, you guys.
Why did you even come here?
**[18:53] Choro**
Go home.
**[18:55] Choro**
We already decided we'll live here.
**[18:58] Todo**
Huh?! Seriously, what are you sayi—
**[19:00] Choro**
I know!
**[19:01] Choro**
I really want to go back to
the outside world and get a job,
**[19:05] Choro**
and be a proper person!
**[19:08] Choro**
But... But it's just not possible.
**[19:11] Choro**
I can't keep up anything, I keep
trying to look like I'm job hunting,
**[19:14] Choro**
but all I'm actually doing is
Chorofappysking in my room every day!
**[19:18] Choro**
The only choice a scumbag like me has
is to stay here and become a Dayon!
**[19:28] Todo**
Yeah, becoming a Dayon is not your only choice.
**[19:30] Todo**
Not to mention, that was a bit
rude toward the Dayons, too.
**[19:33] Choro**
Now, let's continue the ceremony.
**[19:35] Todo**
Wait, seriously...
**[19:38] Choro**
Huh?
**[19:40] Choro**
Wh-Why?
**[19:45] Choro**
What? Go home?
**[19:51] Choro**
Wh-Why?!
**[19:54] Oso**
We don't wanna, dayon!
**[19:55] Kara**
We won't go home, yon!
**[20:04] Choro**
What brought this on?
**[20:09] Three**
Huh?
**[20:20] Oso**
Dayon!
**[20:22] Kara**
We wanna stay here, yon!
**[20:23] Choro**
We don't wanna go home, yon!
**[21:07] Todo**
Huh? What is this?
**[21:36] Oso**
Okay, all set.
**[21:39] Oso**
We're going home. Ready?
**[21:41] Five**
Yeah!
**[21:42] Oso**
Let's go!
***SIGN*** Anus This Way
***SIGN*** End
**[21:56] Some**
I'm gonna die!
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:29] Kara**
No, no, no! We're almost up to the last episode,
**[23:32] Kara**
and we still haven't announced air dates for
"Karamatsu of Love" or "Kimagure Karamatsu Road!"
**[23:40] Kara**
Er, huh? Huh?
**[23:41] Kara**
The preview's already started? You're kidding.
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Huge Panic" "Letter"
**[23:45] Kara**
Ahem. Sorry about that, Karamatsu Girls.
**[23:47] Kara**
I let myself go a little bit. Just a little bit.
# E24 - Totoko's Huge Panic / Letter
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G63VME2XY/totokos-huge-panic--letter)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Fat**
Huh?
***SIGN*** "Totoko's Huge Panic"
**[01:34] Toto**
I'm Totoko!
**[01:36] Toto**
As you can see, I'm super cute!
I'm totally different from commoners!
**[01:40] Toto**
I mean...
**[01:42] Guy**
Hey, Totoko-chan! You're as cute as ever today.
**[01:45] Lady**
That's an idol for you.
Just look at that perfect face.
**[01:48] Toto**
See? Everyone says so.
**[01:50] Toto**
I just love getting attention!
**[01:54] Guy**
Sorry, Amateur-san. Actual stars are
going to be shooting a drama here,
**[01:58] Guy**
so no amateurs can go past this point.
**[02:03] Guy**
What, real celebrities?!
**[02:05] Lady**
They're on a completely different level!
**[02:21] Toto**
Huh?
**[02:22] Toto**
What was I doing?
**[02:25] Toto**
Hmph! Like I care!
**[02:28] Toto**
I'm just going to get myself more fans.
**[02:31] Nya**
Oh. Yowai Totoko.
**[02:33] Toto**
Oh. Hashimoto Nyaa.
**[02:35] Nya**
Good work.
**[02:36] Toto**
Good work!
**[02:38] Toto**
Getting your stuff together?
Are you retiring or something?
**[02:41] Nya**
Yup. I didn't tell you yet,
but I'm getting married.
**[02:45] Toto**
Married?
**[02:47] Guy**
Hey.
**[02:48] Guy**
I'm the dude she's marrying who's made
quite a bit of money in the IT field.
**[02:53] Guy**
Come on, Nyaa-chan.
It's almost time for our flight.
**[02:56] ---**
Nyan!
**[02:57] Nya**
Later, Yowai Totoko. Good luck with
the whole underground idol thing.
**[03:09] Toto**
Huh? What was I doing?
**[03:12] Toto**
Hmph! Like I care!
**[03:15] Toto**
There are still a lot of people I'm better than.
**[03:18] Busu**
Totoko!
**[03:20] Toto**
Busumi?
**[03:21] Toto**
What's up, Busumi? I don't think
I've seen you since we graduated.
**[03:24] Busu**
I had a baby.
**[03:26] Busu**
Here, hold it a sec.
**[03:27] Busu**
Oh, and there are other people
who have gotten married
**[03:30] Busu**
and had kids that are starting school now.
**[03:32] Busu**
Some own houses, and some go on vacations
with their families during break...
**[03:50] Toto**
Something's wrong with me lately.
I wake up and realize I've been beating up tuna.
**[03:55] Dad**
Totoko, that's called jealousy.
**[03:58] Toto**
Jealousy?
**[03:59] Dad**
Envy and spite.
**[04:01] Toto**
What's that?
**[04:02] Dad**
Y-You don't know?
**[04:04] Toto**
It's the first I've heard of it.
**[04:05] Dad**
What?
**[04:06] Mom**
Totoko, do you know what a "complex" is?
**[04:09] Toto**
The band that sang "Be My Baby"?
**[04:10] Mom**
No, Totoko.
**[04:12] Dad**
How do I put this... You were
envious of another person.
**[04:17] Dad**
So you got really stressed.
Do you understand?
**[04:22] Toto**
I don't really get it.
**[04:24] Toto**
Envious? Do I really feel that way?
**[04:29] Toto**
I mean, I'm still cute...
**[04:32] Toto**
I have plenty of followers who
compliment me all the time.
**[04:35] Toto**
For example...
**[04:36] Toto**
Him, and him, him, him, him, and him.
**[04:41] Toto**
Not to mention him, him, him, him, and him...
**[04:44] Toto**
Huh?
**[04:45] Toto**
Huh?! Could it be that I only have scum around me?
**[04:49] Tot**
And I'm one of those crazies
who's happy about that?
**[04:51] Toto**
No way! Huh?
**[04:54] Toto**
Huh?! What?!
**[04:57] Toto**
What, what?
**[05:02] Toto**
Crap!
**[05:03] Toto**
This ain't right, Totoko! This really ain't good!
**[05:06] Toto**
Why?!
**[05:07] Toto**
How did you become such a bottom
feeder? Anyway, this isn't good.
**[05:11] Toto**
You're gonna end up a failure at this rate!
***SIGN*** Matchmaking Agency
**[05:14] Toto**
And that's why I came here. I want to
find someone great and bounce back.
**[05:19] Toto**
Please!
**[05:20] Lady**
Uh, I'm not sure what to do
when you say that so frankly...
**[05:24] Lady**
A-All right. Let's start by hearing
what you want in a partner.
**[05:28] Toto**
Let's see...
**[05:30] Toto**
Someone who's kind, good-looking,
funny, tall, a sportsman, smart,
**[05:35] Toto**
who doesn't cheat, who's serious,
fashionable, hygienic,
**[05:38] Toto**
has the same values as me,
and who's good at cooking,
**[05:41] Toto**
good at driving, has great handwriting,
**[05:43] Toto**
and has dated fewer than
four people, but isn't a virgin,
**[05:46] Toto**
who makes more than 50 million yen
a year, has a villa, and... Oh, yeah!
**[05:49] Toto**
I'd like him to be an oil magnate!
***SIGN*** We're Closed
for the Day
**[05:53] Toto**
Huh?
**[05:54] Toto**
What the hell?! Ugh!
**[05:57] Oso**
W-W-We've got trouble!
**[06:00] Oso**
Hey, you guys! Totoko-chan's...
**[06:03] Oso**
Totoko-chan's looking for a husband!
**[06:05] Five**
Looking for a husband?!
**[06:06] Oso**
Apparently he has to be an oil magnate!
**[06:09] Five**
An oil magnate?!
**[06:11] Sive**
Hurry!
**[06:13] Oso**
Hey, don't try to get a headstart!
**[06:18] Toto**
What? Am I not supposed
to want an oil magnate?
**[06:22] Toto**
Is that a crime? Which crime?
**[06:24] Toto**
Being annoying? Yeah, sorry.
**[06:26] Toto**
But I want to be better
than everyone around me.
**[06:29] Toto**
I want everyone to tell me I have a great life.
**[06:31] Toto**
Doesn't everyone feel that kind of pressure?
**[06:34] Toto**
Though, to be honest,
I sort of live to be complimented.
**[06:38] Toto**
Oh, I have to get ready for tomorrow.
**[06:41] Toto**
Bye.
**[06:42] Chibi**
Uh...
**[06:43] Six**
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
***SIGN*** Winner Takes All
Battle Royale
The Matchmaking Party
**[06:52] Toto**
*All right, this is it.*
**[06:54] Toto**
*I wonder where the oil magnate is.*
**[06:59] Norm**
Ah, nice to meet you.
**[07:01] Toto**
Nice to meet you!
**[07:02] Norm**
I-Is it okay if I introduce myse—
**[07:04] Toto**
Are you an oil magnate?
**[07:05] Norm**
Huh?
**[07:05] Toto**
Do you own an oil field?
**[07:07] Norm**
An oil field? No, I don't...
**[07:13] Bald**
Um, I may not look it, but I'm 28.
Y-You're not into bald guys, right?
**[07:19] Toto**
I'm totally fine with that!
**[07:20] Bald**
Really?!
**[07:21] Toto**
As long as you're an oil magnate.
**[07:22] Bald**
Huh? What are you...
**[07:27] Fat**
Oink, oink, I'm fat. Is that okay?
**[07:30] Toto**
Is your face so shiny because
you rubbed oil on it?!
**[07:33] Fat**
Of course not...
**[07:38] Toto**
Man...
**[07:40] Toto**
I guess they're not so easy to find. How boring.
**[07:44] Lady**
Hey, you.
**[07:46] Lady**
Have you found the oil
magnate you're looking for?
**[07:48] Toto**
No, not yet.
**[07:50] Lady**
What? Not yet?
**[07:51] Lady**
Are you stupid?
**[07:52] Lady**
You're never going to find one.
**[07:54] Two**
There's always at least
one of her type around.
**[07:56] Two**
Just because she's a bit cute, she has no substance
and just keeps aging. That's gotta hurt.
**[08:00] Ladies**
Gotta hurt!
**[08:01] Lady**
You've only got your twenties.
**[08:03] Toto**
Why are commoners so ugly?
**[08:08] Toto**
But...
**[08:09] Toto**
Are there really no oil magnates?
**[08:12] Toto**
I really want an oil magnate.
**[08:13] Six**
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup...
**[08:20] Toto**
Well, whatever.
**[08:22] Toto**
I guess I'll go home for today.
**[08:24] Oil**
Pardon me.
**[08:26] Oil**
Is this where the matchmaking
party is taking place?
**[08:30] Toto**
Yes...
**[08:31] Oil**
Thank goodness. I was late
because of some oil trades.
**[08:35] Toto**
Huh? Um, would you happen to be a...
**[08:39] Oil**
Your long wait is over. I'm an oil magnate.
**[08:44] Toto**
*S-See?! There totally was an oil magnate!*
**[08:49] Toto**
*Right? I was actually right to not give up!*
**[08:51] Toto**
*They exist!*
**[08:52] Toto**
*And they even look for wives sometimes!*
**[08:55] Toto**
*Thank goodness I didn't give up!*
**[09:00] Toto**
*I was right to ignore the commoners!*
**[09:04] Toto**
*All right! I'm so happy!*
**[09:08] Toto**
*Take that!*
**[09:17] Oil**
Totoko...
**[09:18] Toto**
O-Oil Magnate...
**[09:21] Oil**
May I?
**[09:23] Toto**
Yes.
**[09:30] Toto**
Oil Magnate? What's wrong?
**[09:31] Oil**
Y-You reek of fish!
**[09:33] Toto**
What?
**[09:35] Oil**
I can't! You reek of fish so bad, I seriously can't!
**[09:40] Toto**
What? What the hell?
**[09:42] Toto**
If we're talking about smells, *you* reek of oil!
**[09:47] Oil**
Boeh!
**[09:48] Toto**
Don't underestimate fish!
**[09:52] Toto**
*And so, the "Find an Oil Magnate*
**[09:55] Toto**
* and Become Better than Everybody Else"*
* plan failed before I knew it.*
**[10:00] Toto**
* And the "has no substance and just keeps aging,*
* that's gotta hurt" comment someone made*
**[10:06] Toto**
*oddly lingered in my heart.*
**[10:09] Toto**
*I've made up my mind.*
**[10:10] Toto**
* I'm going to stop living this facade,*
* and live my life as my true self... So...*
**[10:17] Toto**
Dad! Mom!
**[10:19] Toto**
I'm going to school in Singapore to
learn the language and find myself!
**[10:23] Dad**
Huh? Going abroad to learn the language?
**[10:25] Mom**
So suddenly?
**[10:26] Toto**
I'm going to reset my old self! I'm going to grow!
***SIGN*** Hybrid Oden
Cards Accepted
***SIGN*** End
**[10:44] Choro**
*"To everyone.*
**[10:46] Choro**
* This is the first time I've ever written*
* a letter, so I'm a bit nervous.*
**[10:53] Choro**
*'What's this out of the blue?' 'Gross.'*
**[10:55] Choro**
* 'Is your self-awareness rising again?'*
* I'm sure you all might think that,*
**[10:59] Choro**
* but this is my first time*
* living apart from all of you.*
**[11:03] Choro**
*I'm sort of embarrassed to say it face-to-face,*
**[11:06] Choro**
*so I thought I'd write a letter.*
**[11:10] Choro**
*When I finally found a job..."*
**[11:11] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, we're ready.
**[11:14] Choro**
Oh, right.
***SIGN*** "Letter"
***SIGN*** Matsu
**[11:27] Jyu**
Choromatsu-niisan, congrats on your
new job, you king of base-stealing!
**[11:30] All**
Congrats, you king of base-stealing!
**[11:32] All**
Yay!
**[11:33] Todo**
But seriously, congrats,
you king of base-stealing.
**[11:35] Jyu**
You ran so hard!
**[11:37] Choro**
Wait, it's seriously sounding like I stole a base.
**[11:39] Choro**
We're celebrating my new job, right?
**[11:41] Kara**
Congratulations, brother.
**[11:43] Cho**
Close, too close! Gross!
**[11:45] Kara**
This is a present from me.
***SIGN*** Karamatsu
**[11:47] Cho**
Ugh, here we go. What is this?
**[11:51] Todo**
Whoa, it's not painful at all!
Though it's painful in a different way.
**[11:55] Kara**
You wanted this, didn't you, brother?
**[11:59] Choro**
Uh, yeah. Thanks.
**[12:01] Choro**
I did want it.
**[12:03] Todo**
It's a miracle! I was sure it'd be a
crappy tanktop with his face on it.
**[12:07] Choro**
Actually, Totty, there's something similar...
**[12:10] Oso**
Pass me the soy sauce, Todomatsu.
**[12:12] Todo**
But it should be nice and easy, since
it's a company Dad's friend works at.
**[12:16] Choro**
Yeah.
**[12:16] Oso**
Pass me the soy sauce.
**[12:18] Dad**
But don't get a big head. This is your first job.
**[12:21] Dad**
Make sure you're prepared.
**[12:23] Todo**
You've got a bigger head than anyone, Dad.
**[12:25] Oso**
Todomatsu?
**[12:27] Mom**
You'll be living in a dorm starting tomorrow.
**[12:29] Mom**
I won't be able to call you a NEET anymore.
**[12:31] Choro**
Uh, maybe you should call me by my name.
**[12:34] Todo**
Or Fappymatsu.
**[12:35] Choro**
Hey!
**[12:36] Oso**
Todomatsu.
**[12:40] Oso**
Todomatsu!
**[12:44] Oso**
I've been calling you! The soy sauce.
**[12:47] Todo**
Oh, sorry.
**[12:53] Jyu**
Oh! I have a present for you, too.
**[12:56] Jyu**
Here, an autographed bat!
***SIGN*** To Choromatsu-niisan
Jyushimatsu
**[12:58] Choro**
It's your own autograph?
**[13:00] Todo**
And this is from me.
**[13:01] Choro**
Am I a girl going on a trip?!
**[13:02] Dad**
And this is from me.
**[13:04] Choro**
Dad?!
**[13:04] Mom**
And this is from me.
**[13:06] Choro**
Mom?!
**[13:07] Kara**
Here's one more from me.
**[13:09] Jyu**
Me, too.
**[13:10] Todo**
Same.
**[13:10] Dad**
Your dad's not gonna lose.
**[13:12] Mom**
Neither is your mom.
**[13:13] Choco**
Oh, thanks, Ichima— Huh?!
**[13:17] Choro**
What the hell is this?! It's creepy!
**[13:18] Ichi**
Think of that as me.
**[13:20] Ichi**
And what is that supposed to accomplish?
**[13:23] Bg Some**
This, too.
**[13:23] ---**
No, wait...
**[13:23] Bg Some**
And this.
**[13:24] Bg Some**
Here.
**[13:25] Choro**
Okay, that's enough!
**[13:27] Choro**
I can't take all of this!
And half of it is just junk!
**[13:30] Dad**
Whew, the house is a lot cleaner now.
**[13:32] Mom**
Much better.
**[13:33] Choro**
This isn't about getting rid of your garbage!
**[13:43] Choro**
Thanks.
**[13:46] Choro**
I'll be fine.
**[13:50] Choro**
I'll do my best.
**[13:58] Ichi**
Can I say something?
**[14:00] Ichi**
Can we stop with this atmosphere?
I can't deal with it.
**[14:04] Todo**
True. This isn't like us.
**[14:06] ---**
Not like us at all!
**[14:10] Kara**
This is a happy occasion.
**[14:11] Kara**
Let's all drink, brothers... No, family!
**[14:16] All**
Yay!
**[14:18] Jyu**
Look! Look, look!
**[14:19] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu.
**[14:20] Jyu**
Look! Look, look!
**[14:21] Oso**
Ow. Hey, stop it, Jyushimatsu!
**[14:28] Oso**
I said that hurts!
**[14:36] Oso**
I said that hurts, damn it!
**[14:40] Todo**
Hey! What are you doing?!
**[14:43] Oso**
You made me drop my sushi, Jyushimatsu!
**[14:46] Jyu**
S-Sorry...
**[14:48] Kara**
Stop it.
**[14:52] Todo**
H-Huh?
**[14:54] Oso**
Wh-What are you—
**[14:56] Oso**
Hey, let go of me, Shittymatsu! Hey!
**[14:59] Oso**
I'll kill you! I said let go!
**[15:08] Choro**
But...
**[15:09] Ichi**
It's fine.
**[15:11] Todo**
Are you okay, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[15:18] Jyu**
I'm fine!
**[15:19] Jyu**
Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
**[15:23] ---**
Hustle, hustle!
**[16:20] Iya**
Why?! Why does me have to do
something so troublesome?!
**[16:23] Iya**
Ugh, so annoying!
**[16:29] Iya**
You found a job?
**[16:31] Iya**
It won't last. You'll just give up halfway, as usual.
**[16:36] Iya**
People don't change that easily. Give up hope!
**[16:54] Iya**
You're really throwing me off...
**[16:57] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[17:07] Todo**
Okay, I'm set.
**[17:08] Jju**
Totty!
**[17:10] Kra**
You'd better keep in touch.
**[17:12] Todo**
Yeah.
**[17:12] Ichi**
Why not reconsider? Old apartments
have bugs, ghosts, and monsters.
**[17:17] Todo**
Quit trying to stop me!
**[17:20] Todo**
First, I'm gonna live on my own.
That's where I'm starting.
**[17:25] Todo**
It's probably better
**[17:28] Todo**
if we're not together.
**[17:47] Chibi**
Huh? Let you live with me?
***SIGN*** Oden Girls
Collection
**[17:49] Chibi**
You know I can't let you do that
out of the blue, you idjit.
**[17:53] Kara**
P-Please, Chibita.
**[17:54] Kara**
At this rate, we sextuplets... No, *I'll* be ruined.
**[17:59] Kara**
I want to change! I want to get out of this!
**[18:02] Kara**
So please...
**[18:12] Kara**
I'm off.
**[18:14] Chibi**
It's all about guts, you idjit!
**[18:25] Jyu**
Hello, this is Matsuno.
**[18:28] Jyu**
Yes, that's me.
**[18:31] Jyu**
What? Really?!
**[18:33] ---**
Okay! I'll do my best!
**[18:35] Jyu**
Yay! I got a part-time job!
**[18:38] Jyu**
Professor Dekapan said he'd rent
me a room so I can live on my own!
**[18:41] Both**
You're our family heirloom!
**[18:54] Guy**
Hey, newbie!
**[18:55] Choro**
Y-Yes?
**[18:57] Chro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[19:02] Choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[19:05] Choro**
*I think they all probably know why.*
***SIGN*** Let's Live A Happy Life!
**[19:10] Choro**
*But I quickly got rid of those feelings.*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Karamatsu
**[19:15] Choro**
*No, that's not true... I wanted to believe in them.*
**[19:21] Choro**
* This is better in order for*
* all of us to move forward.*
**[19:27] Choro**
*I had to believe in them.*
**[19:32] Ichi**
I'm leaving the house, too.
**[19:40] Ichi**
This is... This is how it should be,
**[19:44] Ichi**
I think.
**[19:55] Ichi**
See ya.
**[20:19] Toto**
Hey, Osomatsu-kun!
**[20:21] Toto**
Want to go on a date? I feel like
going all-out and having some fun!
**[20:26] Toto**
I quit being an idol,
**[20:28] Toto**
and the studying abroad thing
didn't last because I got homesick.
**[20:31] Toto**
Everything just feels like such a bother!
**[20:34] Toto**
So I was thinking...
***SIGN*** Slide to unlock
**[21:51] Mom**
Osomatsu.
**[21:53] Mom**
There's a letter for you.
***SIGN*** To Be Continued
***SIGN*** Next Time on Osomatsu-san
**[23:32] Oso**
I knew somewhere deep down that
we couldn't live like this forever.
**[23:37] Kara**
For our own sakes...
**[23:38] Choro**
...we need to look forward...
**[23:40] Ichi**
...and face it...
**[23:41] Jyu**
...with everything we have...
**[23:43] Totty**
...to become stronger.
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was"
**[23:44] Oso**
Next time, the final episode:
"Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was."
# E25 - Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR2PE037R/osomatsu-san-such-as-it-was)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Choro**
* When I got my job, the first thing*
* that popped into my head*
**[00:04] Choro**
*was all of their faces.*
**[00:06] Todo**
*It's probably better*
**[00:07] Todo**
*if we're not together.*
**[00:09] Kara**
*At this rate, we sextuplets will be ruined.*
**[00:12] Mom**
*Osomatsu.*
**[00:14] Mom**
*There's a letter for you.*
***SIGN*** "Osomatsu-san, Such As It Was"
**[01:55] Choro**
Huh? Huh?!
**[01:57] Choro**
Why?!
**[01:58] Choro**
Why did it catch on fire?!
**[01:59] Choro**
After I went to the trouble of writing it!
**[02:03] Choro**
But just in case something like this
happened, I actually wrote another...
**[02:08] Oso**
Y-You're kidding me...
**[02:13] Oso**
We've...
**[02:15] Oso**
been selected...
**[02:17] Oso**
for the invitational!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:21] Oso**
Hey, guys! You won't believe it!
**[02:23] Oso**
We've been selected for the invitational!
**[02:25] Todo**
The invitational?!
**[02:26] Oso**
Hurry up and come home!
We need to get ready for the match!
**[02:29] Kara**
Seriously?!
**[02:29] Oso**
This is no time to be selfish
**[02:31] Oso**
and talk about things like being
independent and getting a job!
**[02:33] Jyu**
True!
**[02:34] Oso**
I mean, it's the invitational!
**[02:35] Ichi**
Yeah!
**[02:36] Oso**
Now's the time to put
our strengths together!
**[02:38] Choro**
You're right!
***SIGN*** Entered in Invitational Matsuno Family
**[02:42] Todo**
It's true!
**[02:43] Kara**
To think we...
**[02:45] Jyu**
...were picked for the invitational!
**[02:47] Choro**
Could there possibly be anything better?
**[02:51] Choro**
Oh, it caught fire.
**[02:52] Mom**
Good for you! To think you were
chosen for the invitational...
**[02:56] Dad**
Invitational?
**[02:58] Dad**
What invitational?
**[03:00] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:02] Dad**
Also, Choromatsu, why aren't you at work?
**[03:04] Choro**
I turned in my resignation and quit.
**[03:06] Choro**
What?! You... What?!
**[03:12] Mom**
Honey, this isn't the time to
be saying such silly things.
**[03:16] Dad**
Huh?
**[03:17] Oso**
All right, you guys!
**[03:18] Oso**
This is our chance to graduate from
being shitty NEETs! We have to win!
**[03:22] Five**
Yeah!
**[03:23] Oso**
Victory in the invitational is ours!
**[03:26] All**
Yeah!
**[03:28] Choro**
Invitational! Invitational!
**[03:33] Dad**
Wh-What is this?
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational Match-up Drawings
**[03:35] Host**
We will now draw the match-ups for the
88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
**[03:43] Dad**
Huh? The invitational what?
**[03:45] Mom**
Shh!
***SIGN*** 88th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[03:50] Dad**
*The invitational* what*?!*
**[03:54] Jyu**
This is so exciting!
**[03:55] Choro**
It gets your ass hair burning.
**[03:57] Todo**
Hey, if you guys win, what prize
are you going to ask for?
**[03:59] Choro**
Huh? You're already going there, Totty?
**[04:02] Choro**
You're actually asking?
**[04:03] Oso**
I'm going to ask for permanent residence
in pachinko parlors and horse race tracks.
**[04:07] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:09] Choro**
I'm going to ask for a magical
staff that can stop a girl's time.
**[04:12] Five**
Wow, sounds good!
**[04:14] Todo**
I'll get Prestige to use me in a film.
**[04:16] Five**
Nice!
**[04:17] Ichi**
I'll get a species change
operation to become a cat.
**[04:19] Five**
Nice!
**[04:20] Kara**
I'm going to have a solo
concert at the Budokan.
**[04:22] Ichi**
Nice!
**[04:26] Ichi**
Damn it!
**[04:28] Oso**
Anyway, the only choice we have is to win.
**[04:30] Oso**
Let's seriously do our best!
**[04:31] All**
Yeah!
**[04:33] Dad**
W-Well, they're trying to do their
best, so I guess it's fine.
**[04:37] Guy**
Next, the 21st century Matsuno family.
**[04:40] Oso**
Y'ere!
**[04:42] Choro**
Calm down.
**[04:54] Guy**
The Matsuno Family has drawn the snake.
**[04:57] Guy**
The snake will be the third match on
the fourth day of the tournament.
***SIGN*** Koushien
***SIGN*** Black Factory Academy Dogface High School
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation Matsuno Family
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile Chinese Kenpo High School Robot Tech High School
**[05:20] Dad**
H-Hey, dear... Why do they have guns?
**[05:22] Mom**
Shh!
**[05:24] Guy**
And now for the athletes' pledge.
**[05:37] Dad**
What?
**[05:45] Hiji**
Hey! Cut it out!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
**[05:48] Hiji**
What are you saying? I can't
understand you, you idiot!
**[05:51] Hiji**
Let's go!
**[05:57] Dad**
Huh?
**[05:58] Dad**
Huh?!
**[06:01] Guy**
We've reached the fourth day of the 88th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[06:08] Guy**
The third match will be Musashi
Ironworks versus the Matsuno Family.
**[06:11] Guy**
They'll begin play momentarily.
**[06:13] Both**
Let's play!
***SIGN*** Pitcher
Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Catcher
Choromatsu
***SIGN*** First Base
Jyushimatsu
**[06:20] Jyu**
Baseball! Baseball!
***SIGN*** Second Base
Ichimatsu
**[06:22] Ichi**
Meow, meow, meow.
***SIGN*** Third Base
Karamatsu
**[06:25] Kara**
I guess I'll have to play for real.
**[06:31] Kara**
Right here, Jyushimatsu!
**[06:33] Kara**
Ah! Mistake!
***SIGN*** Shortstop
Todomatsu
**[06:36] Todo**
Whoopsie.
***SIGN*** Left Field
Matsuyo
**[06:39] Mom**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Center Field
Matsuzou
**[06:40] Dad**
Ow!
***SIGN*** Right Field
Nobody
**[06:44] Toto**
We came to cheer you on!
**[06:46] Toto**
You can do it, you pieces of trash!
**[06:48] Nya**
Win, nya!
**[06:51] Chibi**
If you win, I'll clear your tab!
**[06:55] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[06:59] Hata**
Jo...
**[07:01] Oso**
Everyone! This is the do-or-die moment!
**[07:03] Oso**
Even though we've only ever lost before...
**[07:07] Oso**
If we win this invitational,
I think it'll make up for all that.
**[07:11] Oso**
I think all of our fail up
to now will just vaporize!
**[07:15] Oso**
So let's win this thing!
**[07:24] Oso**
Hey, where's your reaction?!
**[07:26] Guy**
And now, the third match of the day begins!
**[07:30] Ump**
Play!
***SIGN*** Fujita Gas
**[07:39] Oso**
Man, nobody else is into this. I guess
I'll have to pull all of our weight.
**[07:46] Oso**
*I'll show everyone my pitching...*
**[07:49] Oso**
*For my sake, as well as my brothers'...*
**[07:51] Oso**
*I'll bet everything on this throw.*
**[07:54] Choro**
Uh, this is the opening pitch.
**[07:56] Choro**
Why are you all worked up?
Just throw the damn thing.
**[07:59] Oso**
*Thinking back...*
**[08:00] Choro**
Stop thinking back! It's the opening pitch!
**[08:02] Oso**
*Yes, for our victory at this invitational,*
**[08:05] Oso**
*we've been through so much.*
**[08:07] Choro**
None of that happened.
**[08:09] Choro**
That's slightly off. What the hell?
**[08:11] Choro**
That never happened!
**[08:13] Choro**
Neither did that!
***SIGN*** All of the pitches!
**[08:15] Choro**
Didn't happen!
**[08:16] Choro**
Well, that happened, but still!
**[08:18] Oso**
* Yes, now is the time to put all those*
* feelings into this ball, Osomatsu!*
**[08:25] Choro**
Just throw it already.
You're pissing me off.
**[08:28] Oso**
Here goes!
**[08:36] Choro**
Just throw the damn ball, dumbass!
**[08:38] Oso**
Hi-yah!
**[08:39] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:40] Oso**
Che-yah!
**[08:41] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:41] Oso**
And there!
**[08:42] Ump**
Ball.
**[08:43] Oso**
Ow!
**[08:44] Ump**
Ball. Four balls.
**[08:46] Guy**
Oh, my! Four straight balls,
right from the start!
**[08:49] Oso**
Whew, that ump sure is tough.
**[08:55] Toto**
What are you doing, you damn virgin?!
**[09:02] Todo**
Man, we can't count on
him to handle anything.
**[09:05] Ichi**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:07] Kara**
I guess it's my turn now.
**[09:09] Choro**
What do we do about a pitcher?
**[09:10] Kara**
Uh, I said...
**[09:11] Todo**
Hmm...
**[09:12] Todo**
We have no choice. Since he loves baseball,
we'll have Jyushimatsu-niisan...
**[09:17] Jyu**
Baseballman!
**[09:19] Todo**
What the hell?!
**[09:21] Jyu**
Boeh! Boeh!
**[09:22] Jyu**
I'll kill you with baseball!
**[09:25] Ichi**
There, there, there...
**[09:26] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
**[09:27] Choro**
He loves baseball, but it's his first match.
**[09:31] Choro**
He's so thrilled, he went all crazy.
**[09:34] Todo**
This is way too crazy!
**[09:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[09:36] Ichi**
Hey, Jyushimatsu!
**[09:37] Kara**
Well, no choice now.
**[09:39] Kara**
I'll just have to be the pitcher...
**[09:41] Choro**
I'll do it.
**[09:42] Todo**
Thanks.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[09:44] Guy**
And the Matsuno Family is
changing pitchers already.
**[09:48] Kara**
Brother, let's go over the signals.
**[09:52] Kara**
This means a fastball.
**[09:54] Kara**
This means a curveball.
**[09:57] Kara**
This means a forkball. Understand?
**[09:59] Choro**
Nope.
**[10:01] Ump**
Play!
**[10:04] Choro**
What signal is that?!
You didn't mention that one!
**[10:08] Kara**
Brother, throw it inside!
**[10:09] Choro**
Don't tell me, idiot!
**[10:11] Oso**
Hey, pitcher. Hey.
**[10:14] Oso**
Hurry up and throw it.
**[10:16] Oso**
It's only your first pitch. Are you scared?
**[10:19] Choro**
*Whose team are you on?!*
**[10:21] Todo**
Choromatsu-niisan, focus! Ignore him!
**[10:24] Choro**
Right.
**[10:25] Toto**
You can do it, Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:27] Choro**
Totoko-chan!
**[10:28] Todo**
Fappymatsu! Focus!
**[10:30] Nya**
Choromatsu-kun!
**[10:32] Choro**
Nyaa-chan!
**[10:33] Todo**
Fappymatsu!
**[10:34] Both**
Fight!
**[10:37] Todo**
Chorofappyski!
**[10:38] Ichi**
Fappy bastard! You fappy bastard!
**[10:45] Choro**
Man, I can't deal with this.
**[10:48] Oso**
I know. They have no teamwork.
**[10:49] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:51] Choro**
You said it.
**[10:52] Todo**
Seriously, what is this?
Why are we brothers like this?
**[10:55] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[10:56] Kara**
Okay, brother.
**[10:58] Kara**
Given what's happened to the
oldest and third-oldest,
**[11:00] Kara**
I, the second-oldest, will be pitcher—
**[11:02] Guy**
And they've changed again.
This game is going nowhere.
**[11:05] Guy**
Give it a rest!
**[11:07] Both**
Yeah! Four balls!
**[11:09] Both**
Bean ball!
**[11:10] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:10] Todo**
I wish they'd just die.
**[11:13] Todo**
Once again, I'm the only decent one here.
**[11:13] Both**
Four balls! Bean ball!
**[11:16] Todo**
There!
**[11:17] Both**
Are you a girl?!
**[11:19] Todo**
Yay! It's coming to you, Ichimatsu-niisan!
**[11:21] Guy**
This could be a double play!
**[11:23] Chibi**
Yes!
**[11:24] Choro**
Blow it!
**[11:25] Oso**
Blow it!
**[11:27] Guy**
Four!
**[11:28] Guy**
Six!
**[11:29] Guy**
Three, and...
**[11:37] Guy**
Home run!
**[11:41] Guy**
First baseman Jyushimatsu has actually
completed a 4-6-3 home run!
**[11:46] Jyu**
I did it!
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[11:49] Guy**
It's the top of the first,
and Musa Iron leads by three runs!
**[11:52] Jyu**
Yay! Yay!
**[11:54] Todo**
Doesn't he know the rules of baseball?
**[11:54] Jyu**
I did it! I did it!
**[11:57] Ichi**
Okay, I'm going home.
**[11:57] Jyu**
Bravo! Bravo!
**[12:00] All**
Shortstop!
**[12:02] All**
Don't take a break, Todomatsu!
**[12:05] All**
Second base!
**[12:07] All**
Don't give up, Karamatsu!
**[12:11] All**
Hey!
**[12:30] Kara**
I see.
**[12:32] Kara**
Okay, someone take over—
**[12:35] Jyu**
Baseball!
**[12:37] Jyu**
Baseball is so fun!
**[12:51] Dad**
Dear, they're no good after all.
**[12:53] Dad**
Let's have some new kids.
**[12:55] Mom**
Yeah, let's.
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[12:58] Ump**
Game, set!
**[13:00] Ump**
The Matsuno Family loses as the game
is called in the top of the first.
**[13:12] Todo**
Damn... So this is an invitational...
**[13:14] Kara**
If not for that sea breeze...
**[13:16] Jyu**
I guess there are some real
monsters at invitationals...
**[13:21] Oso**
*And so, our invitational match ended.*
**[13:26] Oso**
*And then...*
***SIGN*** One Year Later
**[13:31] Oso**
Everyone, let's believe in our own strength.
**[13:34] All**
Yeah!
**[13:35] Oso**
* After lots of such-and-such and*
* so-and-so, we came back much stronger!*
***SIGN*** Musashi Ironworks Matsuno Family
**[13:43] Guy**
Hey! Our number 4!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
Chinese Kenpo High School
**[13:44] Chibi**
The hell?!
**[13:48] Guy**
Whoa!
**[13:49] Guy**
Hey! Our ace!
***SIGN*** Former Flag Corporation
Matsuno Family
**[13:50] Hata**
That's too big a lead-off, jo!
**[13:53] Ichi**
Hm? What's wrong?
**[13:55] Todo**
Are you all right?
***SIGN*** Robot Tech High School
Matsuno Family
**[13:59] Toto**
The hell you doing, dumbass?!
**[14:04] Ump**
S-Safe.
**[14:05] Both**
You're so cute!
***SIGN*** Hijirisawa Mercantile
Matsuno Family
**[14:07] Iyami**
This is my chance to hit
a walk-off home run!
**[14:10] Iyami**
Taste me French-style hit!
**[14:14] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[14:15] Hiji**
Ha! Idiot!
**[14:17] Iyami**
Sheh.
**[14:18] Hiji**
What the hell?!
**[14:21] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family Yokohama High School
**[14:24] Guy**
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
***SIGN*** Sendai Ikue Matsuno Family
**[14:27] Choro**
Hey.
***SIGN*** BL Academy Matsuno Family
**[14:34] Oso**
* And so, with these ingenious*
* plans, we kept winning,*
***SIGN*** Matsuno Family
**[14:38] Oso**
and finally made it to the final round of
the Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament.
***SIGN*** 89th Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament
**[14:43] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
**[14:45] All**
Muscle! Muscle!
**[14:47] All**
Hustle! Hustle!
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[14:55] Oso**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:56] Choro**
Coachmatsu...
**[14:58] Kara**
We managed to get this
strong because of you.
**[15:02] Jyu**
I wanted you to see us play in the final...
**[15:05] Ichi**
I'm sorry, everyone!
**[15:07] Ichi**
If... If only I hadn't done
that, Coachmatsu would...
**[15:10] Todo**
Don't talk like that now, Ichimatsu-niisan.
**[15:12] Todo**
It was an accident! An accident, okay?
**[15:15] Chibi**
The hell? Crying won't
bring Coachmatsu back.
**[15:19] Iyami**
Our only option is to win.
**[15:21] Toto**
We have to psych ourselves up!
**[15:23] Hata**
We have to win, jo.
**[15:27] Oso**
Okay, that's enough sentimentality.
**[15:30] ---**
***SIGN*** Coachmatsu
**[15:32] All**
Sheeeh!
**[15:36] Ichi**
Man, every single one of
us really is just trash.
**[15:39] Jyu**
But if we're together...
**[15:40] Kara**
We can win.
**[15:42] Todo**
You think so?
**[15:43] Choro**
Who knows?
**[15:45] Oso**
Well, we have no choice but to go for it.
**[15:52] Oso**
*The final round...*
**[15:53] Oso**
*For better or for worse, this is the end.*
**[16:01] Guy**
And now, in the final round of the 89th
Invitational adglkjdsk Tournament,
**[16:06] Guy**
it's the Matsuno Family versus the
**[16:07] Guy**
Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School.
**[16:08] Guy**
We've reached the critical moment,
the bottom of the ninth.
**[16:22] All**
Chibita!
**[16:27] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[16:29] Chibi**
R-Run for it... you idjits...
**[16:34] All**
Chibita!
**[16:36] Guy**
And he's basically dead.
**[16:37] Guy**
Fourth Galaxy U Affiliated's
power is overwhelming.
**[16:40] Guy**
This is what we know as galactic baseball.
**[16:42] Guy**
There's nothing the Matsuno Family can do!
**[16:45] Toto**
I-Is this the en—
**[16:55] Oso**
D-Damn it! So this is the
wall of the invitationals?
**[17:00] Choro**
Iyami!
**[17:02] Iyami**
There's no defying an enemy we can't beat.
**[17:04] Iyami**
Bye-bye, sextuplets!
**[17:09] All**
Iyami!
**[17:13] All**
Iyami?!
**[17:14] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:23] Iyami**
Sheeeh!
**[17:33] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[17:35] Ump**
And that's two outs. They're out of chances.
**[17:39] Choro**
E-Even Iyami...
**[17:41] Ichi**
I guess there's no way we can win after all.
**[17:44] Todo**
No! It's not over yet!
**[17:46] Todo**
We still have a chance! Have faith!
**[17:52] Jyu**
But we've already...
**[17:54] Todo**
Don't give up so easily!
**[17:56] Todo**
It's the invitational! The final round!
**[17:58] Todo**
We expected this much!
**[18:00] Todo**
Here!
**[18:02] Todo**
Osomatsu-niisan, I don't
want to say this, but...
**[18:07] Todo**
As the oldest, you have
to sacrifice yourself!
**[18:09] Oso**
What?!
**[18:10] Todo**
You're the oldest!
**[18:11] Oso**
Huh?
**[18:12] Todo**
No, seriously!
**[18:13] Oso**
You—
**[18:13] Todo**
No, seriously, seriously, seriously!
**[18:15] Todo**
I mean it! Times like this
are what the oldest is for!
**[18:18] Kara**
That's true.
**[18:18] Ichi**
He has a point.
**[18:19] Choro**
You are the oldest.
**[18:20] Jyu**
Yeah, for times like this.
**[18:22] Oso**
You guys are seriously the worst!
**[18:24] Oso**
All five of you are the enemy!
**[18:25] Oso**
Die! Just die!
**[18:27] Choro**
Hey, look at that!
**[18:29] All**
Oh! Is that...
**[18:33] All**
Is it finally here?!
**[18:36] Deka**
Sorry for the wait.
**[18:37] Deka**
With this power we've attained through
overflowing jealousy and lust...
**[18:41] Dayon**
We'll kill them all.
**[18:49] All**
R-Run!
**[18:52] Toto**
Hold it!
**[18:55] All**
T-Totoko-chan!
**[18:58] Toto**
Don't you run away,
**[18:59] Toto**
you shitty, stupid, NEET trash v*****
Fappyski brothers with tiny ****s!
**[19:02] All**
B-But...
**[19:04] Toto**
You can still do it!
**[19:05] Toto**
After all... After all,
if you win this match...
**[19:11] Toto**
I'll grant you the right to **** Totoko!
**[19:23] All**
All right!
**[20:07] Toto**
Go, you shitty NEETS!
**[20:22] Oso**
*I... I wanna do you!*
**[20:24] Kara**
*Let me do you!*
**[20:26] Choro**
*I don't wanna be a virgin anymore!*
**[20:29] Ichi**
*I'd be satisfied with just looking!*
**[20:31] Jyu**
*Boobies!*
**[20:32] Todo**
*No! Bellybutton wrinkles!*
**[20:37] Oso**
* If the six of us can combine*
* our strengths as one...*
**[20:40] All**
*As one...*
**[20:47] Oso**
*But!*
**[20:49] Oso**
*One, two, and...*
**[20:53] All**
*What's impossible is impossible!*
**[21:02] Ump**
Strike. Batter out.
**[21:05] Ump**
Game, set!
**[21:08] Guy**
And so the invitational winner is
**[21:10] Guy**
the Fourth Galactic University
Affiliated High School!
**[21:12] Guy**
They've earned the right to
advance to the final stage!
**[21:22] [SONG] Text**
Fourth Galactic
University Affiliated
High School Song
**[21:23] Song**
*Black holes look so obscene*
**[21:31] Song**
*A moon landing sounds sort of perverted*
**[21:39] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks in low gravity*
**[21:47] Song**
* Ah, strap-slashed breast*
* sacks with no resistance*
**[21:54] Song**
*We are Fourth Galaxy, Fourth Galaxy*
**[21:58] Song**
* Forever in the secondary sex*
* characteristics growth stage*
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Ending Card Illustration:
Asano Naoyuki
**[23:44] Bottom**
See ya sometime!!
# E-SP - Mr. Osomatsu JRA Special 2016
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6VNZ0E5R/mr-osomatsu-jra-special-2016)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** An Anecdote With Horses
**[00:24] Iya**
Horse racing!
**[00:26] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[00:29] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[00:30] Chib**
Jeez... Talk about a nasty picture, you idjits.
**[00:33] Chib**
You guys are loud, or y'know,
dirty. You idjits, damn it!
**[00:36] Iya**
Chibita.
**[00:37] Iya**
We're at the horse races!
Isn't this exciting?
**[00:40] Iya**
It's so filled with dreams.
**[00:42] Chib**
Your teeth... Your teeth are
hitting my face, you idjit.
**[00:45] Iya**
In a few hours, me will be stinkin' rich!
Going to France won't just be a dream anymore!
**[00:50] Dasu**
Our lives are going to change!
**[00:52] Dayo**
So excited!
**[00:54] Chib**
Hmph! Horse races? Give me a break.
**[00:56] Chib**
As if something like that can change your life.
**[00:59] Chib**
I'm not stupid like you guys,
getting excited over horse—
**[01:03] Chib**
What?!
**[01:05] Chib**
Wh-What is this?!
***SIGN*** Nakayama Racecourse
**[01:07] Chib**
What is this light that's so filled with hope?
**[01:10] Chib**
The amount of dreams... The amount of dreams!
**[01:12] Chib**
It's too much to handle, you idjits, damn it!
**[01:15] Chib**
If I keep basking in this light...
**[01:23] Iya**
This is horse racing!
**[01:28] Chib**
I'm coming!
***SIGN*** "Prediction"
**[01:38] Chor**
I'm really not sure...
**[01:40] Dad**
What are you guys doing?
***SIGN*** Horse Racing Fight
**[01:42] Todo**
This one's come back from overseas...
**[01:44] Kara**
Not sure about it running on the outside...
**[01:46] Choro**
Clockwise is a first.
**[01:48] Ichi**
But it's won a G1.
**[01:50] Jyu**
Looks like the turf tomorrow
is gonna be yielding.
**[01:53] Oso**
Who's the contender?
**[01:56] Dad**
Oh, tomorrow's race day, eh?
**[02:00] Dad**
You might as well go for a long shot.
**[02:02] Dad**
And if you win, take your dad to the hostess bar—
**[02:06] ---**
Let me see the back.
**[02:08] Oso**
Hey, wait a second!
**[02:13] Oso**
Ugh, damn it! So which horse is it?!
**[02:16] Oso**
I have no idea!
**[02:16] Chor**
Seriously! There's no way of telling,
even if you try to make predictions!
**[02:20] Todo**
Honestly, what's with horse racing,
anyway?! Horse racing pisses me off!
**[02:23] Jyu**
I don't like it!
**[02:47] All**
Horse racing! Horse racing!
**[02:58] Dad**
Wh-What is all this?!
***SIGN*** Horse Racing
**[03:06] Dad**
Ah! 4-7, eh?
**[03:08] Mom**
4-7, huh...
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Osomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** First Time at the Races
**[03:18] Toto**
Yay! Yay!
**[03:19] Toto**
It's my first time at the
races! I'm so excited!
**[03:23] Oso**
Who would have thought you'd
come with us, Totoko-chan?
**[03:26] Oso**
We're super excited, too.
**[03:29] Chor**
Totoko-chan, if there's anything
that you don't understand, ask me.
**[03:32] Chor**
I'll teach you everything about it.
**[03:35] Ich**
Huh? Uh, wait.
**[03:37] Ic**
What's she supposed to learn
from a fappy gap like you?
**[03:40] Cho**
Who are you calling a fappy gap?
**[03:41] Todo**
Are you trying to act like an
honor student again, Fappy Brian?
**[03:44] Chor**
Who the hell is Fappy Brian?!
**[03:46] Jyu**
What do you think? Should we kill him?
**[03:48] Kara**
Yeah, let's kill him.
**[03:49] Choro**
What the hell is you guys' problem?!
**[03:53] Oso**
Huh? Hey!
**[03:56] Oso**
Where's Totoko-chan?
**[03:59] Toto**
Whee! Yay!
**[04:01] Toto**
I choose this horse!
**[04:03] All**
Totoko-chan?!
**[04:05] Oso**
Y-Y-Y-You can't just get on a
horse like that, Totoko-chan!
**[04:08] Oso**
That's not how horse racing works!
**[04:10] Toto**
Oh, it's not?
**[04:11] Both**
Sorry! So sorry!
**[04:13] Toto**
This isn't what I thought it'd
be at all. I'm going home.
**[04:16] Six**
Huh?! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[04:19] Chor**
Um, you see, horse racing is
**[04:22] Chor**
a game where you try to guess
which horse will finish in which place.
**[04:25] Chor**
Look.
**[04:25] Chor**
See the list of horses that
are going to be running?
***SIGN*** Masurao Japan Sunday Morning September Junior Exe Nabezoko Sebiro Rock Of Last Sakuramomoumeko Donburia Count Haisai Ankle Winter Romance Come Come Boy Cross Winda Moguramaru Oichii Wonder Morris
**[04:28] Chor**
You choose a—
**[04:28] Toto**
Pardon me, are you a horse owner?
**[04:32] Chor**
Huh?
**[04:32] Toto**
This I know. Horse owners are super rich, right?
**[04:36] Toto**
Are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:38] Chor**
Totoko-chan?
**[04:39] Toto**
Are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:41] Chor**
Um...
**[04:42] Toto**
Are you a horse owner?
Aren't you a horse owner?
**[04:45] Toto**
Hey, are you a horse owner? Be honest.
**[04:46] Toto**
Excuse me! Is there a horse owner here?!
**[04:54] Toto**
Jeez. There isn't a single horse owner.
**[04:56] Toto**
I'm going home.
**[04:57] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[04:59] Todo**
L-Listen, Totoko-chan.
**[05:01] Todo**
Horse racing isn't where you can
ride any horse without permission
**[05:04] Todo**
or try to land a horse
owner to change your life.
**[05:06] Todo**
It's a game where you guess what place—
**[05:09] Todo**
A-Are you listening?
**[05:12] Toto**
Wow, draft horses everywhere.
**[05:14] Todo**
Totoko-chan?!
**[05:15] Toto**
Are these guys going to race now?
**[05:17] Todo**
No! Because they're not horses!
**[05:19] Toto**
All right, you'll be first,
and you'll be second!
**[05:21] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[05:23] Toto**
I knew horses were way too big! Too big!
**[05:26] Six**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[05:27] Toto**
Wow, there are so many ways to buy
a betting ticket! How interesting!
**[05:33] Oso**
And you can buy them starting at 100 yen.
**[05:35] Toto**
100 yen? That's nice for you broke-asses.
**[05:38] Oso**
Right. It's kind to us broke-asses, too.
**[05:41] Toto**
Huh...
**[05:43] Kara**
Totoko-chan, why not choose Win 5?
**[05:46] Toto**
Win 5?
**[05:48] Kara**
Out of all the ways you can buy
tickets, it's the most dramatic.
**[05:51] Kara**
If you happen to guess the first place
winner on five consecutive races...
**[05:55] Kara**
You win as much as 600 million yen.
**[05:57] Toto**
600 million?!
**[05:58] Toto**
If I guess five consecutive races correctly?!
**[06:00] Kara**
Yeah.
**[06:03] Toto**
Come on, there's no way I'd win that.
**[06:06] Toto**
Are you guys all stupid?
**[06:07] Kara**
Totoko-chan?!
**[06:08] Toto**
Five consecutive wins can't be possible.
**[06:10] Toto**
You'd never get them right.
**[06:12] Six**
Totoko-chan!
**[06:13] Toto**
Sounds more like a sham than a dream!
**[06:15] Six**
Totoko-chan!
**[06:16] Kara**
But you can! You can win, Totoko-chan!
**[06:18] Toto**
Really? Seems shady.
**[06:20] Toto**
Could it really go that well?
**[06:24] Toto**
Oh, there it is. Well, one race is nothing...
**[06:29] Toto**
There it is... Well, two races are nothing...
**[06:33] Toto**
Huh?
**[06:35] Toto**
Wait, you're kidding...
**[06:37] Toto**
Yes! I got 600 million!
**[06:40] Toto**
Man, horse racing is so addicting!
**[06:42] Six**
Sorry! Could you go home now?!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Karamatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Proper Etiquette at the Races
**[06:54] Six**
Let's mind our manners!
**[06:56] Oso**
Not bad.
**[06:59] Oso**
Look at the form on that one.
**[07:01] Oso**
Those muscles are going to make a
difference in the final stretch.
**[07:05] Ich**
Explaining crap when you have no
idea what it means is prohibited.
**[07:10] Chor**
Of course! It's number 8!
**[07:13] Chor**
I knew it'd be number 8.
**[07:16] Chor**
I totally knew that it
was going to be number 8!
**[07:18] Ich**
Shitty excuses about how you should've
placed the right bet are prohibited, too.
***SIGN*** Nakayama Refunds
**[07:23] Kara**
Look!
**[07:24] Kara**
Look at those refunds!
**[07:26] Kara**
If I had bought 100 yen worth,
I could've gotten three million yen!
**[07:28] Todo**
Three million, huh... What would
you buy with all that money?
**[07:32] Kara**
Well...
**[07:34] Ichi**
This conversation is absolutely
pointless, so it's prohibited.
**[07:38] Jyu**
I lost!
**[07:43] Ich**
This isn't Koshien, so taking
home dirt is prohibited.
**[07:46] Jyu**
Yay! Yay! Yay!
**[07:50] Ichi**
Seriously, this isn't Koshien,
so cheering is prohibited.
**[07:56] Jyu**
So fast! They're all so fast!
**[07:59] Ich**
Actually, Jyushimatsus are prohibited.
***SIGN*** Jyushimatsu
**[08:01] Jyu**
Yay! I ended up winning!
***SIGN*** 3rd Place
***SIGN*** 2nd Place
**[08:04] Ich**
Go home!
**[08:06] Kara**
Let's all remember our
manners at the races...
**[08:08] Chor**
...be friendly and have fun...
**[08:10] Todo**
...make a crap ton of money...
**[08:11] Oso**
...and prolong our dream NEET lifestyle!
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[08:31] Hata**
Dart, dart, d-dart!
***SIGN*** The Horse Race Song
**[08:35] Hata**
A draft horse goes d-dart!
**[08:37] Hata**
Dart, dart, d-dart!
**[08:40] Hata**
A draft horse goes d-dart!
**[08:43] Hata**
Dart, dart!
**[08:46] Hta**
A draft horse goes d-dart! Shabada—
**[08:52] Hata**
Jo...
**[08:55] Ann**
Hatabou, even if you're a lap behind,
you can't just throw the race!
***SIGN*** The Horse Race Song 2
**[09:01] Hata**
Five horses ahead, who will win?
It all comes down to extension.
**[09:05] Hata**
You can tell who's going to
win from the turf vision!
**[09:09] Hata**
Ah, the sad remaining three furlongs—
**[09:18] Hata**
Jo...
**[09:19] Ann**
Hatabou, even if you're a lap behind,
you can't just throw the race!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Choromatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Check
**[09:30] Chor**
All right, do your best!
**[09:32] Chor**
See ya!
**[09:34] Chor**
Okay.
**[09:36] Chor**
Huh?!
**[09:37] Chor**
Hey, you! You!
**[09:38] Chor**
What are you riding on?
**[09:40] Chor**
You can't ride on that! That's a cheetah!
**[09:42] Oso**
What? It's a horse.
**[09:44] Chor**
It's a cheetah.
**[09:45] Oso**
It's a horse.
**[09:46] Chor**
It's a cheetah.
**[09:47] Oso**
This won't lose to any horse.
**[09:50] Chor**
Yeah, because it's a cheetah.
**[09:51] Oso**
It's amazing! It can go over 100 kph!
**[09:54] Chor**
Yeah, because it's a cheetah.
**[09:55] Oso**
Have you ever had a horse like this before?
**[09:57] Chor**
No. Because that's a cheetah.
**[09:59] Oso**
But I'm a bit worried about its stamina.
**[10:01] Chor**
It's a friggin' cheetah!
**[10:02] Chor**
Would you leave?! This is a horse race!
**[10:04] Oso**
I can't ride this?
**[10:05] Choro**
No.
**[10:06] Oso**
I see...
**[10:08] Oso**
The hell... Virgins are so unreasonable.
**[10:11] Chor**
Being a virgin has nothing to do with this.
**[10:13] Chor**
And you're a virgin too, you virgin.
**[10:15] Chor**
Hey—
**[10:16] Chor**
Hey, you! You!
**[10:19] Choro**
You can't ride that! That's a bike!
**[10:22] Kara**
No, it's a horse.
**[10:23] Choro**
You've got some nerve. It's a bike.
**[10:26] Kra**
It may look like a bike,
**[10:28] Kara**
but this baby has...
**[10:30] Kara**
the heart of a thoroughbred.
**[10:32] Chor**
I'm seriously going to kill you. Leave.
**[10:34] Kara**
I can't ride this?
**[10:35] Chor**
No.
**[10:36] Kara**
I see...
**[10:39] Kara**
I guess you're too young
to ride a bike, you virgin.
**[10:41] Chor**
That has nothing to do with anything!
Ride a damn horse already.
**[10:45] Todo**
Look out, look out.
**[10:47] Chor**
Hey!
**[10:48] Chor**
Seriously, stop!
**[10:49] Chor**
No cars! This is horse racing!
**[10:52] Todo**
But it's a Ferrori.
**[10:53] Todo**
Look at the prancing horse.
**[10:55] Chor**
Stop saying stupid shit.
**[10:56] Chor**
Just leave.
**[10:57] Todo**
Aw, come on...
**[11:00] Todo**
You're being a sourpuss just because
you'll never be able to ride one.
**[11:03] Choro**
You'll never ride one, either.
Where'd you even get that?
**[11:08] Chor**
Seriously, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
**[11:11] Chor**
Jyushimatsu!
**[11:13] Ich**
Huh? But this is a horse.
**[11:15] Chor**
No, that's definitely Jyushimatsu.
**[11:16] Ich**
It's a horse.
**[11:17] Chor**
Hey, you're Jyushimatsu, right?
**[11:22] Jyu**
Yup, I'm Jyushimatsu.
**[11:23] Choro**
See? It's Jyushimatsu!
**[11:24] Ich**
It's a horse.
**[11:26] Chor**
You're Jyushimatsu, right?
**[11:27] Jyu**
Yup. Jyushimatsu.
**[11:28] Chor**
See? It's Jyushimatsu!
**[11:30] Ich**
I can't ride Jyushimatsu?
**[11:31] Chor**
No Jyushimatsu. That's the worst.
**[11:34] Ich**
I see...
**[11:38] Ich**
Stupid!
**[11:39] Jyu**
Stupid!
**[11:41] Chor**
Huh?
**[11:46] Chor**
Totoko-chan! Good luck!
**[11:50] Chor**
Nyaa-chan! Good luck!
**[11:54] Chor**
You dumbass!
**[11:55] Iya**
Sheeeh!
**[11:56] Iya**
Why?!
**[11:57] Iya**
Me has a proper horse!
Me didn't break any rules!
**[12:00] Chor**
That doesn't matter! I'll let the
horse through, but you leave.
**[12:03] Iya**
Why?!
**[12:04] Chor**
Leave!
**[12:05] Iya**
Sh-Sheeeh!
**[12:09] Chor**
Listen up, everyone.
**[12:10] Chor**
This is horse racing.
You're going to ride horses.
**[12:13] Cchhor**
Anything else, and I'll kill you.
Thank you for understanding.
**[12:16] Todo**
Yup, horses.
**[12:18] Kara**
Horses. Got it.
**[12:22] Chor**
What?!
**[12:24] Chor**
That's a horse... That's a
horse, but it's riding you?!
**[12:29] Chor**
What?!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Ichimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** Arima Kinen
***SIGN*** Turf
***SIGN*** OX Grand Prix
**[12:56] Oso**
It's here...
**[12:58] Oso**
It's here! The time has finally arrived!
**[13:02] Oso**
Arima Kinen!
**[13:04] Odo**
Arima!
**[13:05] Kara**
Come on, Venus!
**[13:07] Chor**
The all-star, as voted for by the fans!
**[13:09] Jyu**
There's elegance, dreams, and drama!
**[13:11] Oso**
The year-end big dream! And that's...
**[13:14] All**
...Arima!
**[13:16] Some**
Yay!
**[13:16] Ichi**
Y-Yay...
**[13:19] Oso**
Oh, man! I can't believe how fun this is!
**[13:21] Chor**
Isn't your ass hair just on fire?
**[13:23] Kara**
I'm about to c*m.
**[13:24] Jyu**
Huh?
**[13:25] Kara**
I said that I was about to c*m!
**[13:27] Jyu**
Yeah!
**[13:28] Todo**
Hey, what betting
methods are you guys doing?
**[13:31] Oso**
What else, Totty?
I'm going for the tri-fec-ta!
**[13:38] Todo**
Wait, that's it?
**[13:39] Chor**
Just the trifecta?
**[13:41] Oso**
Yeah... Wait, you guys aren't?
**[13:43] Oso**
But you make the most that way.
**[13:45] Chor**
That's if you win.
**[13:46] Chor**
You really are an idiotic, shitty piece of
garbage that doesn't think things through.
**[13:49] Tod**
You're trash.
**[13:51] Oso**
That's fine. I can't think of anything
else other than the trifecta.
**[13:54] Todo**
What about you, Choromatsu-niisan?
**[13:55] Chor**
I'm going for the place
and the quinella place.
**[13:57] Oso**
Wow, so lame!
**[13:58] Todo**
Lame!
**[13:59] Oso**
Talk about not taking any risks!
**[14:01] Todo**
Definitely Fappymatsu-like.
**[14:02] Chor**
What does it matter to you?! Once the
results come out, you'll be groveling.
**[14:06] Kara**
Guys.
**[14:08] Kara**
If you're actually men,
go for the win. The win.
**[14:11] Kara**
The Karamatsu style of horse racing is to
give my all to the one horse that I choose.
**[14:15] Ich**
Tch.
**[14:16] Todo**
Oh, really?
**[14:16] Todo**
And? Which horse did you pick?
**[14:19] Kara**
Number 2, of course.
**[14:20] Todo**
And of course, you pick
yourself! It's all about you!
**[14:22] Todo**
Gross!
**[14:23] Oso**
What about you, Ichimatsu? What did you pick?
**[14:25] Ich**
Huh, m-me? I...
**[14:28] Ich**
I woke up at exactly 11:00 this morning,
so I picked number 11.
**[14:33] Ich**
I saw three cats on the
way here, so number 3.
**[14:37] Ich**
And when I counted my change earlier,
I had fourteen yen, so number 14.
**[14:40] Oso**
And there it is! Sign betting!
**[14:42] Chor**
You mean when you take signs and codes
**[14:44] Chor**
from all around and reflect them in your bets?
**[14:46] Ich**
Also, it's the year 2016,
so I picked number 16,
**[14:49] Ich**
and there were 25 steps
earlier, so numbers 2 and 5,
**[14:52] Ich**
and I walked 86 steps, so number 8 and 6...
**[14:55] Oso**
Uh, there's really no end to this.
**[14:57] Chor**
Don't buy too many, Ichimatsu.
**[14:59] Ich**
"Ichimatsu"...
**[15:00] Ich**
Oh, yeah! I forgot to pick number 1!
**[15:02] Both**
Seriously, there's no end!
**[15:04] Todo**
You're all weirdos. What about
you, Jyushimatsu-niisan?
**[15:08] Jyu**
I picked bracket quinella.
**[15:09] Five**
Bracket quinella?!
**[15:10] Tod**
What?! Bracket quinella?!
**[15:11] Tod**
Why?!
**[15:12] Oso**
I can't comprehend how stupid people think.
**[15:14] Jyu**
I'm not stupid! I have my reasons!
**[15:18] Jyu**
Sixteen horses run all at once,
**[15:20] Jyu**
so you can't tell which one
is your horse anymore, right?
**[15:23] Jyu**
But that doesn't matter
with bracket quinella.
**[15:24] Jyu**
You just have to remember
the jockey's hat color.
**[15:26] Oso**
Oh, I see. Wait, no, you're still stupid!
**[15:29] Jyu**
Well, yes! Yes, yes.
**[15:32] Todo**
Huh?
**[15:34] Ich**
What about you, Todomatsu?
**[15:35] Todo**
Hm?
**[15:36] Ich**
What did you pick?
**[15:38] Todo**
Oh, I didn't buy a ticket.
**[15:40] Ich**
Huh?
**[15:41] Todo**
Because I'm in charge of cheering.
**[15:44] Todo**
I'm just here to cheer on everyone's horses!
**[15:47] Todo**
So if you guys win, give me 10% each, 'kay?
**[15:50] Ich**
The little shit took the safe route.
**[15:51] Chor**
Leave the racecourse right now.
**[15:56] Kara**
It's starting!
**[15:57] Oso**
Huh?! Already?!
**[15:58] Oso**
Go, 3-6-9! 3-6-9!
**[16:01] Kara**
Come on, number 2! Come on, Karamatsu!
**[16:06] Six**
Go!
**[16:06] Six**
Come on!
**[16:09] Six**
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
**[16:12] Sx**
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
**[16:14] Todo**
Please, God!
**[16:15] Chor**
Take-sama!
**[16:17] Oso**
Demuro-sama!
**[16:19] Six**
Go!
**[16:30] Chor**
Huh? Wait, huh?
**[16:32] Todo**
W-Wait, was that...
**[16:34] Kara**
Osomatsu...
**[16:36] Jyu**
Osomatsu-niisan?
**[16:44] Oso**
I won! I got the trifecta!
**[16:49] Oso**
Thanks! Thanks, guys!
**[16:56] Oso**
Man, that was really amazing. Who would've
thought the trifecta would win?
**[17:00] Five**
Right?
**[17:02] Oso**
I seriously should have bought a ticket.
***SIGN*** Arima Kinen Trifecta
**[17:04] Five**
Right?
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Jyushimatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[17:16] Dayo**
Something's wrong!
**[17:18] Dayo**
I don't know what to do! My horse won't run!
***SIGN*** It Won't Run~
**[17:26] Deka**
What's going on?
**[17:28] Dayo**
It won't run.
**[17:37] Dayo**
It won't run!
**[17:41] Dayo**
What happened?
**[17:45] Dayo**
I don't know what's wrong!
**[17:54] Deka**
Oh, maybe...
**[18:00] Dayo**
I forgot to put on its horseshoes.
It's a very smart horse.
**[18:07] Dayo**
Thanks!
**[18:13] Dayo**
It won't run! That made no difference!
**[18:19] Deka**
There's nothing more that I can do...
**[18:23] Dayo**
Wait!
**[18:24] Deka**
I'm sorry.
**[18:25] Dayo**
It won't run!
**[18:27] Deka**
I'm sure the horse has its reasons.
**[18:30] Dayo**
Wait!
**[18:31] Deka**
I'm sorry.
**[18:32] Dayo**
Don't go!
**[18:34] Deka**
There's nothing more...
**[18:43] Dayo**
It won't run!
***SIGN*** 183rd Mr. Flag Cup
***SIGN*** Matsuno Todomatsu
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
***SIGN*** One Day Bath
***SIGN*** Horse Owner
**[18:54] Chib**
Huh? You're going to buy a horse?
**[18:57] Iya**
Chibita! Me is a genius!
**[18:59] Iya**
To make money on the races, instead of
buying tickets or becoming a jockey,
**[19:02] Iya**
becoming a horse owner is the fastest!
**[19:05] Iya**
You'll get status, fame,
and money all at once!
**[19:08] Chib**
But how are you going to get a
horse that easily, you idjit?
**[19:12] Chib**
Aren't they expensive?
**[19:15] Iya**
There's a good ranch.
***SIGN*** Hata Hata Ranch
**[19:19] Hata**
Here you go, jo. They're super cheap, jo.
**[19:23] Iya**
Now me is going to be super rich!
**[19:25] Chib**
I might just get one myself.
***SIGN*** One Horse: Five Yen
**[19:27] Iya**
Now, my horsies! Show me your faces!
**[20:04] Hata**
What's wrong, jo? Which
horse do you want, jo?
***SIGN*** Osomatsu-san
**[20:31] Ann**
*And now, all of you failures
across the country...*
***SIGN*** Transcendent Super Super Super Obstacle Race
**[20:33] Ann**
*Did you get yelled at by
someone important again?*
***SIGN*** Akatsuka Cup
***SIGN*** 138th Grand Prix
**[20:36] Ann**
*The rare 138th race, the Akatsuka Cup,*
**[20:39] Ann**
* is yet again the annual transcendent super*
* super super obstacle race this year.*
**[20:43] Toto**
I can't wait! You're gonna piss me off!
**[20:47] Ann**
* And now, who will be able to clear all*
* of these wonderful obstacles and win?*
**[20:53] Ann**
*This race is filled with life lessons.*
***SIGN*** Late Bloomer
**[20:55] Ann**
*Please find all of them yourselves.*
**[20:59] Ann**
*Every horse will be risking its life.*
**[21:01] Ann**
*Who will be the one to laugh last?*
**[21:03] Ann**
* Who will win the half-off coupons for*
* the Nakayama Racecourse's restaurants?*
**[21:08] Oso**
*I'm gonna win! I'm super good at this stuff.*
**[21:11] Coro**
*I have to kill him first.*
**[21:14] Ka**
*I'll plug you full of holes.*
**[21:16] Todo**
*I'll act like I'm not even trying at first,*
**[21:19] Todo**
*and then steal the show in the end!*
**[21:26] Iya**
Chibita.
**[21:29] Iya**
*Let's go just as planned.*
**[21:32] Chib**
*So we're going with that plan, you idjit?*
**[21:36] Deka**
*I'll show you what a real old man's made of.*
**[21:41] Hata**
*Jo...*
**[21:43] Ann**
*All right, let's get started.*
**[21:45] Ann**
* The Akatsuka Cup, the transcendent super*
* super super obstacle race, is about to start.*
***SIGN*** Late Bloomer
**[21:54] Toto**
I can't wait!
**[21:59] Ann**
*Oh?!*
**[22:01] An**
*Oh?! What's this?!*
**[22:15] Ann**
*Everyone loses!*
***SIGN*** End Card Illustration Asano Naoyuki
***SIGN*** Horse Racing is Awesome!!!
***SIGN*** See You Again Someday!!