E7 - Suiren-senpai's Affair

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:53] KATO D
    Announcer Koshu Suiren
    will be taking some time off SpoLuna.
[01:58] ALL
    What?!
[02:00] KATO D
    I'm sure you know her already,
[02:03] KATO D
    but veteran pundit Kozai Ana
    will be filling in for her.
[02:09] KOZAI
    Thanks for having me.
[02:10] MINA
    What's going to happen to Suiren-san?
[02:14] KATO D
    She may be asked to leave the program.
[02:18] MINA
    What? No way.
SIGN    #07     Suiren-senpai's Affair
[02:30] MINA
    Suzuki-san, did something happen to Suiren-san?
[02:35] AD SUZUKI
    My friend who works in publishing told me
[02:38] AD SUZUKI
    someone brought photographs of Suiren-san
    having an affair to a magazine.
[02:43] MINA
    An affair? There's no way.
[02:46] AD SUZUKI
    They came from a shady
    up-and-coming paparazza.
[02:49] AD SUZUKI
    She hasn't handed over the photos yet
    because she's hoping to jack up the price.
[02:55] MINA
    There's no way Suiren-san would have an affair.
[02:58] MINA
    I'm going to find this
    paparazza and let her have it.
[03:05] MINA
    The first rule to contacting the paparazzi
    is don't let anyone find out.
[03:10] MAN
    Where should we go?
[03:11] WOMAN
    Well...
[03:14] MAN
    That's SpoLuna's Tsukuda.
[03:15] WOMAN
    She's acting suspicious.
SIGN    Message
     Board
SIGN    Day
SIGN    Time
SIGN    Message
SIGN    Messages 
    will 
    be 
    erased 
    after 
    six 
    hours
[03:20] MINA
    The second rule is write
    your BWH on a message board.
[03:29] MINA
    What's a BWH, anyway?
[03:32] MINA
    The third rule is be patient and wait,
[03:35] MINA
    and wait, and wait...
[03:46] MINA
    Um, hello?
[03:49] TSUTSUJI
    Look down at your chest.
[03:55] MINA
    What?!
[04:00] MINA
    Please don't shoot!
[04:02] TSUTSUJI
    What are you talkin' about?
[04:04] TSUTSUJI
    Just keep quiet and follow the light.
[04:06] MINA
    Okay.
[04:20] MINA
    A bazooka with a laser sight?
[04:22] MINA
    I'm gonna die!
[04:24] TSUTSUJI
    You idiot, it's a telephoto
    camera with infrared focusing.
[04:29] MINA
    You're the paparazza?
[04:31] TSUTSUJI
    What do you want?
[04:33] MINA
    I'm here about Suiren-senpai's photos.
[04:36] MINA
    There's no way Suiren-senpai
    would have an affair.
[04:39] TSUTSUJI
    So that's what this is about?
[04:41] MINA
    You don't actually have any photos, do you?
[04:44] TSUTSUJI
    Of course I do.
[04:45] MINA
    Then show them to me.
[04:46] TSUTSUJI
    Only if you pay me.
[04:49] MINA
    So you don't have them.
[04:51] TSUTSUJI
    I do.
[04:51] MINA
    Do not.
[04:52] TSUTSUJI
    Do, too.
[04:53] MINA
    Do not.
[04:54] TSUTSUJI
    Do, too.
[04:54] MINA
    Do not.
[04:55] TSUTSUJI
    Do, too.
[04:55] TSUTSUJI
    Take a look.
[05:00] MINA
    No way.
[05:02] TSUTSUJI
    That was just a little taste.
[05:05] TSUTSUJI
    If you want to see more, fork over the money.
[05:07] TSUTSUJI
    Later.
[05:17] KOZAI
    I, Kozai, will be filling in as main
    caster during Suiren's absence.
[05:23] KOZAI
    Let's start with the three-minute
    segment, Tsukuda.
[05:26] MINA
    I can't believe Suiren-senpai
    is having an affair.
[05:29] KOZAI
    Tsukuda.
[05:31] KOZAI
    Tsukuda!
[05:32] MINA
    Right.
[05:38] MINA
    I'm sorry.
[05:40] KOZAI
    What has Suiren been teaching
    the new announcer?
[05:50] MINA
    Forgive me, Tonton-chan.
SIGN    Tsukishima Shopping Center
SIGN    Monkura
[05:59] TSUTSUJI
    Monja sucks.
[06:01] TSUTSUJI
    Nothing beats okonomiyaki.
[06:04] MINA
    I don't care about that.
[06:06] MINA
    Here's your money.
[06:08] MINA
    Now you'll give me the photos, right?
[06:15] TSUTSUJI
    You think I'm a sucker?
[06:16] TSUTSUJI
    I'm not sellin' those
    exclusive photos for peanuts.
[06:19] MINA
    What?
[06:24] MINA
    Wait, Ms. Paparazza.
[06:26] TSUTSUJI
    No deal. Just give up and leave me alone.
[06:31] MINA
    I can't do that.
[06:33] MINA
    Huh?
[06:34] MINA
    It's infrared focusing.
[06:36] TSUTSUJI
    No, that's a laser sight!
[06:39] MINA
    What?
[06:41] MINA
    Watch out!
[06:47] MINA
    What? An alien?
[07:04] TSUTSUJI
    You saved my neck today. I owe you my life.
[07:11] MINA
    Why was that alien trying to kill you?
[07:15] TSUTSUJI
    I've had my fair share of danger
    livin' the life of a rogue.
[07:22] TSUTSUJI
    Have a seat.
[07:24] MINA
    Okay.
[07:26] TSUTSUJI
    In any case, that's the first time
    an alien's tried to kill me.
[07:30] MINA
    Why do you do this
    dangerous job, Ms. Paparazza?
[07:33] TSUTSUJI
    I'm glad you asked.
[07:35] TSUTSUJI
    Despite how I seems, before I got
    into this unfortunate business,
[07:39] TSUTSUJI
    I used to be in the business
    of savin' the world.
[07:43] TSUTSUJI
    But...
[07:45] TSUTSUJI
    But I found somethin' more important to save.
[07:49] MINA
    Like what?
[07:54] TSUTSUJI
    These.
[07:57] TSUTSUJI
    Well? Pretty impressive, right?
[07:59] MINA
    Uh, sure.
[08:01] TSUTSUJI
    They're all used and outdated weapons.
[08:05] MINA
    But why weapons?
[08:07] TSUTSUJI
    That's right. People despise weapons.
[08:11] TSUTSUJI
    They're created by people,
    used by people until they break,
[08:15] TSUTSUJI
    and ultimately tossed
    when they become outdated.
[08:19] TSUTSUJI
    Savin' these old things
    from the junkyard is my purpose.
[08:27] MINA
    Well, be careful.
[08:31] TSUTSUJI
    Hold up.
[08:33] MINA
    What?
[08:33] TSUTSUJI
    Why are you so desperate to help her?
[08:38] MINA
    Because I want to be like Suiren-senpai.
[08:43] MINA
    She's the reason I became an announcer.
[08:45] TSUTSUJI
    I see. Sounds like you've got your reasons.
[08:49] TSUTSUJI
    Maybe I wouldn't have gone rogue
    if I'd had a boss like her.
[08:53] MINA
    Ms. Paparazza, are you sure
    I can't have those photos?
[08:57] TSUTSUJI
    No. I need money to save the Type 601.
[09:02] MINA
    The Type 601?
[09:04] TSUTSUJI
    You mean you don't know?
[09:07] TSUTSUJI
    It's the first tank created in post-war Japan
[09:08] TSUTSUJI
    when our technology finally
    caught up with the rest of the world.
[09:12] TSUTSUJI
    The last remainin' one is about to be scrapped.
[09:15] MINA
    I see.
SIGN    Iida Hall
[09:28] KIRYU
    I believe you.
[09:33] KIRYU
    Onoue-san was dejected
    because he couldn't protect you
[09:37] KIRYU
    from the pressure from the higher ups.
[09:40] SUIREN
    There's only one truth.
[09:41] SUIREN
    People will realize that eventually.
[09:45] KIRYU
    I know. Tsukuda said there's
    no way you'd have an affair.
[09:50] KIRYU
    Apparently, she said she'd
    teach that paparazza a lesson.
[09:54] SUIREN
    I see.
[09:56] HAIBARA
    Here's your Manhattan.
[09:57] SUIREN
    What?
[09:58] HAIBARA
    You're wearing the same shirt you wore
    yesterday, and you haven't brushed your hair.
[10:02] HAIBARA
    This is the perfect cocktail for you.
[10:06] HAIBARA
    A bartender from Maryland made this cocktail
    as a pick-me-up for a wounded gunman.
[10:17] SUIREN
    It worked.
SIGN    Getsuyuu
SIGN    Tsukudani
[10:21] TAKURO
    Has Mina been having money troubles recently?
[10:24] TAKURO
    I saw Tonton-chan had been broken.
[10:26] MIKASA
    Maybe she's spending it on a bad boy.
[10:30] TAKURO
    A boy?
[10:32] MIKASA
    I'm joking, honey.
[10:34] TAKURO
    Don't make jokes that'll
    give me a heart attack.
[10:38] MIKASA
    She'll be fine.
[10:41] MIKASA
    Filling Tonton-chan with change
    has been her dream since grade school.
[10:46] TAKURO
    Yikes.
SIGN    Luna TV
[10:50] KATO D
    Suzuki, what the hell are all these papers?
[10:52] AD SUZUKI
    I'm sorry. Looks like some of the newsroom's
    documents got mixed up with ours.
[10:56] KATO D
    Well, hurry up and give them back.
SIGN    The Last Type 601 Retires Today!!
[11:03] MINA
    So this is the Type 601.
[11:06] MINA
    Excuse me.
[11:08] KOZAI
    Tsukuda-san.
[11:13] TSUTSUJI
    What do you want?
[11:16] TSUTSUJI
    I'm still not givin' you those photos.
[11:18] MINA
    That's not why I'm here.
[11:19] MINA
    The last Type 601 is going to be used as
    a target at the Mt. Fuji practice range today.
[11:24] TSUTSUJI
    What?
[11:26] TSUTSUJI
    But why bother tellin' me?
[11:28] TSUTSUJI
    If you were hoping to trade the information
    for the photos, then forget it.
[11:31] MINA
    It's not like that.
    You love the Type 601, don't you?
[11:37] MINA
    Nobody wants their friends to be sad.
[11:41] TSUTSUJI
    Don't be absurd.
[11:42] TSUTSUJI
    When did we become friends?
[11:47] MINA
    Ms. Paparazza...
[11:51] MINA
    Not even a paparazza can save a tank.
[11:55] MINA
    I'll have to become Mina.
[12:04] BABY
    What are you thinking about?
[12:07] MINA
    Hypothetically speaking, what would happen
[12:10] MINA
    if I used Mina's powers
    for something other than my duties?
[12:16] BABY
    One of my subordinates once tried that.
[12:20] BABY
    She lost her powers, was kicked off
    the Rabbit Force, and became a rogue Mina.
[12:27] MINA
    A rogue Mina?
[12:29] BABY
    Make sure you don't go rogue. See you later.
[12:31] MINA
    Hey, wait.
[12:38] TSUTSUJI
    It's really the Type 601.
[12:41] TSUTSUJI
    I'll get you out of here.
[12:49] TSUTSUJI
    Oh, it's so good.
[12:52] TSUTSUJI
    My darlin' Type 601.
[13:13] TSUTSUJI
    Stop!
[13:19] TSUTSUJI
    It's those aliens. What's going on?
[13:27] TSUTSUJI
    Crap! The time has come to pay the piper.
SIGN    Tsukuda Mina
SIGN    Luna TV
SIGN    Ratings Boosting Special Week!!
[13:37] KATO D
    In the next special, we'll cover the country's
    worst foods chosen by baseball players.
[13:42] MINA
    I wonder what happened to the paparazza.
[13:43] KATO D
    I guess we'll drag that out
    for a whole week. Got it?
[13:46] KATO D
    Anyway, Tsukuda and Suzuki,
    I want you two to cover the story.
[13:52] MINA
    I'm sorry.
[13:56] KATO D
    Unbelievable.
[13:59] MINA
    Hello, this is Tsukuda.
[14:01] TSUTSUJI
    Hello?
[14:03] MINA
    Ms. Paparazza?
[14:05] TSUTSUJI
    I'm at the Mt. Fuji practice range.
[14:07] MINA
    The practice range? What's going on?
[14:12] MINA
    Ms. Paparazza!
[14:13] TSUTSUJI
    You called me a friend earlier.
[14:16] MINA
    Yes.
[14:17] TSUTSUJI
    I know you don't owe me anything, but...
[14:24] TSUTSUJI
    I'm a rogue, so I don't have
    anyone else to turn to.
[14:28] MINA
    Ms. Paparazza.
[14:33] BABY
    Make sure you don't go rogue.
[14:36] MINA
    Even if I go rogue,
    I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
[14:39] MINA
    Right now I need to save the paparazza.
[14:50] MINA
    Jujitsu.
[14:53] NARRATION
    The carrot she consumed causes Tsukuda Mina
[14:56] NARRATION
    to complete her Jujitsu transformation
    into Tsukishiro Mina of the Rabbit Force.
[15:00] NARRATION
    Mina's weapon is launched from the Rabbit
    Force base secretly constructed on the moon.
[15:07] NARRATION
    The red-shift gravity catapult's super
    acceleration allows the weapon
[15:11] NARRATION
    to reach Earth in
    an average time of 14.7 seconds.
[15:22] TSUTSUJI
    Stop! Please stop!
[15:25] TSUTSUJI
    What?
[15:34] TSUTSUJI
    What? You're Tsukishiro Mina.
[15:37] TSUTSUJI
    What are you doin' here?
[15:38] TSUKISHIRO
    More importantly,
    why are aliens trying to kill you?
[15:42] TSUTSUJI
    I don't know.
[15:45] TSUTSUJI
    Come to think of it, they started
    comin' for me after I took that photo.
[15:50] TSUKISHIRO
    That photo...
[15:58] TSUKISHIRO
    This alien...
[15:59] TSUTSUJI
    Alien?
[16:03] TSUTSUJI
    I see.
[16:05] TSUTSUJI
    I heard SpoLuna's Suiren
    was investigatin' a backroom deal
[16:08] TSUTSUJI
    between the coach of a baseball
    team and a mysterious business.
[16:12] TSUTSUJI
    I got that photo while keepin' an eye on her.
[16:19] TSUTSUJI
    That guy must've been an alien.
[16:22] TSUKISHIRO
    So Suiren-senpai wasn't having an affair.
[16:26] TSUTSUJI
    I thought I'd get more money if I said I had
    photos of a popular announcer's affair.
[16:30] TSUTSUJI
    I'm sorry.
[16:32] TSUKISHIRO
    In any case, let's get out of here.
[16:34] TSUTSUJI
    We can't. We gotta save the Type 601, too.
[16:37] TSUKISHIRO
    But...
[16:38] TSUTSUJI
    I'm prepared to die with this thing.
[16:43] TSUKISHIRO
    Fine. We'll rescue this tank, too.
[16:46] TSUTSUJI
    You understand how I feel?
[16:49] TSUKISHIRO
    To you, this tank is your friend.
[16:52] TSUKISHIRO
    Nobody wants their friends to be sad.
[16:56] TSUTSUJI
    You...
[17:04] TSUKISHIRO
    Carrot Homing Missiles!
[17:16] TSUTSUJI
    Nice one.
[17:17] TSUKISHIRO
    Take this!
[17:22] TSUKISHIRO
    Looks like I'm out of missiles.
[17:30] TSUTSUJI
    Tsukishiro-han...
[17:33] BABY
    It's good to see you again, Sanae Tsutsuji.
[17:35] TSUTSUJI
    Nanashi?
[17:37] BABY
    I see you haven't fixed
    your habit of collecting antiques.
[17:41] BABY
    Normally using Mina's powers for yourself
    merits permanent exile from the force.
[17:47] BABY
    But if you're willing to help us,
    I'd be willing to return your powers...
SIGN    Blueberry
[17:52] BABY
    Satsuki Mina.
[17:55] TSUTSUJI
    There's no fixing this habit.
[18:00] TSUTSUJI
    I'll drink this juice with great care.
[18:07] NARRATION
    The blueberry she consumed contains
    an abundance of anthocyanin.
[18:11] NARRATION
    The active oxygen in her body is removed,
    and her cells are regenerated
[18:16] NARRATION
    as Sanae Tsutsuji completes
    her Jujitsu transformation
[18:18] NARRATION
    into Satsuki Mina of the Rabbit Force,
    wouldn't you know it?
[18:27] TSUKISHIRO
    You're a Mina, too?
[18:32] SATSUKI
    I'm Satsuki Mina, rogue member
    of the Rabbit Force.
[18:36] SATSUKI
    Let's do this.
[18:39] SATSUKI
    What? I don't get a Blueberry Weapon?
[18:42] BABY
    You were kicked off the force.
    We don't have a new weapon for you.
[18:46] SATSUKI
    Then how am I supposed to fight?
[18:48] BABY
    You prefer old things anyway.
[18:51] BABY
    I ordered delivery for you. Hold tight.
[18:53] SATSUKI
    Delivery?
[18:59] BABY
    Thanks for coming.
[19:00] HAZUKI
    Thanks for waiting.
[19:01] HAZUKI
    Finding this in storage wasn't easy.
[19:06] SATSUKI
    This is it. My greatest
    and most powerful friend.
[19:11] HAZUKI
    Thanks for ordering!
[19:14] TSUKISHIRO
    Huh? I feel like I've seen her before.
[19:18] SATSUKI
    Tsukishiro-han!
[19:19] SATSUKI
    All right! Killer Rabbit Fire!
[19:39] TSUKISHIRO
    Conejonians, for violating the Astral
    Civilization Non-intervention Policy
[19:43] TSUKISHIRO
    and misuse of weapons,
[19:45] TSUKISHIRO
    the Rabbit Force is placing you under arrest.
[19:53] TSUTSUJI
    The Type 601 is awesome.
[19:56] TSUTSUJI
    Now let's see how this impressive armor works.
[20:04] MUTSUMUNE
    I'm so good at winning people over.
[20:09] MUTSUMUNE
    I feel bad for Princess Ren,
[20:11] MUTSUMUNE
    but if I win over Kozai, SpoLuna's
    newbie spot will surely pass to me.
[20:20] MUTSUMUNE
    What?!
[20:21] MUTSUMUNE
    Something's coming my way now!
[20:30] SUIREN
    Breaking news.
[20:31] SUIREN
    A major impersonation plot
    by Conejonians has been exposed.
[20:36] SUIREN
    Take a look at these photos.
SIGN    Pro Baseball Impersonation Plot Exposed
[20:39] SUIREN
    These baseball-loving aliens planned
[20:41] SUIREN
    to take the place of actual
    players during an official game.
[20:44] SUIREN
    While investigating the coach
    said to be working with them,
[20:48] SUIREN
    we acquired this concrete evidence.
[20:52] KOZAI
    Suiren's the best fit for
    SpoLuna after all, Onoue-kun.
[21:03] MINA
    She kind of looks like her.
[21:06] KATO D
    Damn it, Tsukuda!
[21:08] KATO D
    You skipped today's
    important meeting! Where did you go?
[21:12] MINA
    What? Uh, um...
[21:15] AD SUZUKI
    Kato-san, HQ called.
[21:17] AD SUZUKI
    They said Suiren's scoop
    has received a huge response.
[21:20] KATO D
    What?!
[21:21] KATO D
    I see. In that case,
    even though she's not here,
[21:24] KATO D
    let's celebrate Suiren's return to work
    and hope for her future success.
[21:30] KATO D
    Cheers, everyone.
[21:31] ALL
    Cheers!
[21:35] MINA
    Come to think of it, Kiryu-san
    looked so kindly at Suiren-san.
[21:42] MINA
    Could it be?
[23:08] YOSHIMI
    Hey, Kanji. I got sexy
    pictures of Tsukishiro again.
[23:11] KANJI
    They're not sexy, okay?
[23:13] KANJI
    I'm genuinely a fan of Tsukishiro Mina.
[23:15] YOSHIMI
    This one's even crazier.
[23:17] NAKORU
    I can't believe you're obsessed
    with that midriff-baring freak.
[23:20] NAKORU
    You suck.
[23:21] TSUKUDA
    Next time on Getsumento
    Heiki Mina, "Grumpy Nakoru."
[23:25] NAKORU
    I won't let you scout my brother.
[23:27] NAKORU
    Abductionites, Minazuki Mina will arrest you.
[23:30] NAKORU
    Here come the mini tomatoes!
[23:33] TSUKUDA
    Minazuki Mina? Wow!