E1 - First Jujitsu

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Yurikamone
[01:56] MINA
    Level 1: Though blue dye comes from the
    indigo plant, it's bluer than indigo.
[02:02] MINA
    Level 2: Passengers on cargo-passenger ships
    are treated like cargo and pay a low fare.
[02:14] MINA
    Level 3: The frog hippity-hops three
    hops, six hops, nine hops, and ten hops.
[02:19] GUARD
    Hey, you. Visitors must stop by reception.
[02:21] MINA
    Sorry.
[02:22] MINA
    I'm running late because I was
    working on enunciation exercises.
[02:26] GUARD
    Hey, stop. Stop.
[02:26] MINA
    Level 4: In Kyoto's Sanjusangen-do,
    they say there are...
[02:30] MINA
    Now which way is the studio?
[02:33] MINA
    This way, maybe?
[02:35] MINA
    In Kyoto's Sanjusangen-do, they
    say there are 33,333 buddhas.
[02:41] MINA
    I feel like I'm getting farther
    and farther away from the studio.
[02:58] ESCARTIN
    Damn it. That should be my seat.
[03:04] STAFF
    I'm sorry, but she still hasn't shown up.
[03:07] DAISUKE
    Late on her first day,
    huh? She's got some guts.
[03:11] SUIREN
    Leave the rest to us.
[03:12] KATO
    What? She's still not here?
[03:15] KATO
    What are we going to do?
[03:18] KATO
    This is why I was against
    hiring a high school girl.
[03:22] STAFF
    We're going live in ten seconds.
[03:25] STAFF
    Eight, seven, six, five,
[03:29] STAFF
    four, three...
[03:57] MINA
    For the peace and happiness
    of all six billion earthlings,
[04:00] MINA
    high school announcer Tsukuda
    Mina is here to do her best.
SIGN    Tsukuda 
    Mina
SIGN    #01     First Jujitsu
[04:10] SUIREN
    Athletes, thank you for another
    fine performance today.
[04:14] SUIREN
    We hope you'll do your best again tomorrow.
[04:19] SUIREN
    Today's SpoLuna was presented by Kiryu
    Daisuke, Koshu Suiren, and Tsukuda Mina.
[04:25] SUIREN
    See you tomorrow.
[04:27] FEMALE VOICE
    Why?
[04:28] MALE VOICE
    On Earth...
[04:30] MINA
    I'm sorry.
[04:31] KATO
    You think sorry's gonna cut it?
[04:33] MINA
    I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
[04:36] KATO
    Come on, Onoue P.
[04:37] KATO
    Fire this high school girl this instant.
[04:42] DAISUKE
    I thought her performance was pretty good.
[04:45] ESCARTIN
    Forgive the poor girl already, Onopyon.
[04:50] ONOUE
    I'll make my decision once
    I've seen tomorrow's numbers.
[04:53] KATO
    Don't think you're off the hook.
[04:56] MINA
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[05:00] DAISUKE
    Well, just don't practice too much.
[05:05] MINA
    Kiryu-san.
[05:07] SUIREN
    You can't help making mistakes.
[05:08] SUIREN
    But no announcer should run until she's
    short of breath just before going live.
[05:23] MINA
    I'm off.
[05:30] MINA
    Suiren-san hates me now.
SIGN    Tsukishima Shopping Center
[05:40] MAN 1
    So, anyway...
[05:41] MAN 1
    Hey, Mina-chan. We saw you last night.
[05:42] MAN 1
    What an incredible debut!
[05:45] MAN 2
    I've never seen such an
    entertaining episode of SpoLuna.
[05:48] WOMAN 1
    What will you be wearing tonight?
[05:50] WOMAN 1
    Good luck.
[05:51] MINA
    Thank you.
[06:00] MINA
    Wait!
[06:03] MINA
    I'm running late, but I mustn't run.
SIGN    Tsukishima Academy
[06:22] JUNICHIRO
    Hey, Kanji.
[06:26] JUNICHIRO
    Did you watch yesterday's SpoLuna?
[06:29] KANJI
    No.
[06:30] JUNICHIRO
    What? You could say we
    witnessed a glorious debut.
[06:33] JUNICHIRO
    I've made up my mind.
[06:35] JUNICHIRO
    I'm starting a fan site for Tsukuda.
[06:37] KANJI
    Don't you run a fan site for Mina, too?
[06:40] JUNICHIRO
    As of this moment, I live for Tsukuda.
[06:44] KANJI
    I don't care.
[06:46] JUNICHIRO
    It was so good. You really didn't watch it?
[06:53] TOMO
    I know it's tough being a high school
     student and announcer at the same time.
[06:58] TOMO
    I doubt anyone would complain if you quit.
[07:02] MINA
    Oh, I'm fine. I can keep going.
[07:06] TOMO
    You're always so optimistic.
[07:11] MINA
    Why is that?
[07:14] (Flashback) WOMAN
    You worked hard until the end.
[07:18] MINA
    For some reason...
[07:22] MINA
    For some reason, I feel
    like I can keep trying.
[07:33] TOMO
    If you're capable of trying so hard,
    then why not try hard fix your picky eating?
[07:36] MINA
    Not carrots.
[07:38] MINA
    I've decided not to try hard
    when it comes to carrots.
[07:41] TOMO
    What does that mean?
[07:43] FEMALE ANNOUNCER
    Our next story: accomplished major leaguer
    Nikaido returns to the world of Japanese baseball.
SIGN    Nikaido Returns to Japan Today
[07:51] NIKAIDO
    Yay. I'll be coming back tonight.
[07:55] MINA
    To capture a tiger, capture a bird.
    Capture the tiger with the bird as bait.
[08:00] MINA
    The struggle to harvest the yam doesn't
    compare to the struggle of making thick yam soup.
[08:17] STAFF
    Hey, Tsukuda-chan. You're
    getting great numbers.
[08:20] MINA
    What?
[08:21] STAFF
    Could you handle today's live interview
    with Nikaido at Aoyama Stadium?
[08:27] MINA
    Okay...
[08:29] DAISUKE
    Our ratings jumped when you made
    your memorable debut yesterday.
[08:34] MINA
    Oh?
[08:35] DAISUKE
    In this industry, numbers are everything.
[08:39] MINA
    I see.
[08:41] DAISUKE
    Want some?
[08:43] MINA
    Oh, no, thank you. I couldn't.
[08:47] SUIREN
    You chose her out of numerous
    candidates, so you must have a plan.
[08:54] ONOUE
    Are you curious?
[08:55] SUIREN
    It's the staff and crew
    that suffer because of her.
[09:00] ONOUE
    She's a lot like you used to be.
[09:06] SUIREN
    Yeah, right.
[09:22] BABY
    I finally found you.
[09:33] FAN
    Another beer, miss.
[09:36] BEER GIRL
    Coming!
[09:41] MINA
    What? But...
[09:46] STAFF
    Okay, you're good to go.
[09:48] KATO
    Onoue P's all the about
    the ratings, but I'm not.
[09:52] KATO
    The next time you screw up, you're fired.
[09:56] STAFF
    I know what Kato-san said, but good luck.
[10:01] MINA
    I'm starting to feel nervous.
[10:03] DAISUKE
    Can you hear me, Tsukuda?
[10:05] MINA
    Yes.
[10:06] DAISUKE
    Take it easy.
[10:07] DAISUKE
    Just do what you did yesterday.
[10:10] MINA
    Okay, Kiryu-san. Thank you.
[10:15] MINA
    All right.
[10:16] ESCARTIN
    Tsukudani-san.
[10:18] MINA
    Uh, Mutsumune Es... Es...
[10:21] ESCARTIN
    It's Escartin.
[10:23] MINA
    Sorry.
[10:24] ESCARTIN
    By the way, have you already
    introduced yourself to Nikaido?
[10:29] MINA
    Huh?
[10:30] ESCARTIN
    I thought so.
[10:33] ESCARTIN
    Nikaido is an eccentric
    man we call "the Alien."
[10:37] ESCARTIN
    He might sulk if you
    don't introduce yourself.
[10:39] MINA
    What? Really?
[10:41] MINA
    Uh, um...
[10:43] ESCARTIN
    The dressing room is this way.
[10:46] MINA
    Thank you.
[10:48] ESCARTIN
    I have high hopes for your first interview.
[10:52] MINA
    Thank you.
[10:55] ESCARTIN
    Yeah, hoping you fail.
SIGN    Dressing Room
[11:02] MINA
    Mutsumune-san has high hopes for me.
[11:04] MINA
    I need to succeed today.
[11:08] MINA
    Oh, no. I'm not supposed to run.
[11:12] MINA
    Uh, um... the dressing room...
[11:18] MINA
    Huh?
[11:19] Mina
    Where am I?
[11:23] MINA
    I'm lost!
[11:32] NIKAIDO
    Don't worry.
[11:34] NIKAIDO
    Starting today, I'll become
    a hero in your place.
[11:38] NIKAIDO
    On this planet with its weak gravity,
    I can hit plenty of home runs.
[11:39] MINA
    Oh, good. That's Nikaido's voice.
[11:46] MINA
    Excuse me.
[11:59] MINA
    I'm sorry.
SIGN    Rabbits 
    Dressing Room
[12:05] MINA
    Wait, what was that?
[12:13] NIKAIDO
    You saw, didn't you?
[12:16] NIKAIDO
    I'll get you.
[12:24] MINA
    I'm done for...
[12:46] OTSUKI
    Take this.
[12:52] NIKAIDO
    Who are you?
[12:54] OTSUKI
    Your kind never learn their lesson, do they?
[12:57] OTSUKI
    Rapanite, for violating the Astral
    Civilization Non-intervention Policy,
[13:02] OTSUKI
    Otsuki Mina of the Rabbit Force
    is placing you under arrest.
[13:05] MINA
    Mina?
[13:08] OTSUKI
    If you don't want to die, you
    should Jujitsu while you can.
[13:11] MINA
    What? Jujitsu?
[13:18] OHTSUKI
    Stop right there, you slimy bastard!
[13:21] MINA
    Huh? What?
[13:24] MINA
    What's going on?
[13:29] KATO
    Damn it. Where did Tsukuda go?
[13:31] STAFF
    Kato-san.
[13:32] KATO
    What?
[13:34] STAFF
    I've got Mucchi on standby.
[13:37] KATO
    Okay, we're switching to Mutsumune.
[13:39] ESCARTIN
    Yes, sir. I'll do my best.
[13:44] ESCARTIN
    Looks like my plan worked.
[13:48] ESCARTIN
    Now let's go.
[13:51] KATO
    Is the building shaking?
[13:52] ESCARTIN
    What is that?
[13:54] KATO
    It's shaking.
[13:57] ESCARTIN
    Huh? What?
[14:07] ESCARTIN
    What was that about?
[14:13] MALE ANNOUNCER
    We all have high hopes for
    Nikaido who's gotten even
[14:16] Male Announcer
    bigger after his stint in the major league.
[14:19] FEMALE ANNOUNCER
    #1, center field, Nikaido.
[14:21] FEMALE ANNOUNCER
    He's wearing number...
[14:34] FAN
    That's too big.
[14:38] NIKAIDO
    Nikaido!
[14:48] FEMALE ANNOUNCER
    It's Otsuki Mina. Otsuki Mina
    has appeared on the field.
[14:52] ONOUE
    Cameras, switch to her.
[14:55] DAISUKE
    Breaking news.
[14:57] DAISUKE
    Otsuki Mina has appeared again tonight.
SIGN    Tsukishima Shopping Center
[15:00] DAISUKE
    We're broadcasting live from Aoyama Stadium.
[15:03] WOMAN
    Otsuki Mina is always so beautiful.
[15:06] OTSUKI
    Here I come.
[15:11] OTSUKI
    Take this.
[15:41] OTSUKI
    Nailed it.
[15:47] OTSUKI
    What?
[16:00] MINA
    Calm down.
[16:01] MINA
    I'm an announcer. What should
    I do in situations like this?
[16:05] MINA
    Guidelines for announcers.
    Number 1: Announcers are...
[16:09] BABY
    This is no time to be looking at that.
[16:10] MINA
    Who's there?
[16:14] BABY
    Tsukuda Mina, you are also
    a Getsumento Heiki Mina.
[16:18] BABY
    As a member of the Rabbit Force,
[16:21] Baby
    it is your duty to protect
    Earth from alien interference.
[16:25] BABY
    Earth's sports entertainment is
    unparalleled throughout space.
[16:30] BABY
    Countless numbers of wicked aliens
[16:32] BABY
    seek to meddle with it out of
    curiosity or for personal gain.
[16:36] BABY
    They're a passionate fan of Nikaido's
    who attempted to replace him.
[16:42] BABY
    You must protect Earth's
    sports entertainment by...
[16:46] MINA
    What?
[16:49] BABY
    In any case, you're a Mina, too.
[16:50] BABY
    You must Jujitsu right away.
[16:52] MINA
    But this is my first interview.
[16:55] MINA
    I need to succeed and gain everyone's trust,
[16:57] MINA
    and I need to introduce
    myself to Nikaido-san.
[16:58] BABY
    You've completely lost your mind. Fine, then.
[17:07] BABY
    Rabbit suit on.
[17:12] MALE ANNOUNCER
    The carrot she was fed contains
    an abundance of β-carotene.
[17:16] MALE ANNOUNCER
    When provitamin A is converted to vitamin A,
[17:20] MALE ANNOUNCER
    the active oxygen in her body is
    removed, and her cells are regenerated
[17:24] MALE ANNOUNCER
    as Tsukuda Mina completes her Jujitsu
    transformation into Tsukishiro Mina of the Rabbit Force.
[17:40] MINA
    I hate carrots.
[17:42] MINA
    Huh? Why am I dressed like this?
[17:45] BABY
    Launch carrot weapon.
[17:49] MALE ANNOUNCER
    Mina's weapon is launched
    from the Rabbit Force base
[17:53] MALE ANNOUNCER
    secretly constructed on the moon.
[17:57] MALE ANNOUNCER
    The red-shift gravity catapult's
    super acceleration allows the
[18:01] MALE ANNOUNCER
    weapon to reach Earth in an
    average time of 14.7 seconds.
[19:05] MINA
    Carrot weapon?
[19:09] MINA
    Oh, those things?
[19:11] BABY
    Yes.
[19:21] BABY
    Now fight.
[19:22] BABY
    The method is written in your genes.
[19:28] BABY
    What's the matter?
[19:29] MINA
    I'm not sure I get it,
[19:32] MINA
    but I feel like trying my best.
[19:37] BABY
    Oh, really?
[19:38] MINA
    Here we go.
[19:49] NIKAIDO
    Crack!
[19:55] MALE ANNOUNCER
    Former major leaguer Nikaido's
    power is incredible.
[19:59] FAN 1
    He's too powerful.
[20:01] FAN 2
    Look at Otsuki Mina.
[20:04] OTSUKI
    Now you've done it.
[20:15] FEMALE ANNOUNCER
    They've swapped pitchers. It's, uh...
[20:19] BABY
    Tsukishiro Mina.
[20:21] MINA
    For the peace and happiness
    of all six billion earthlings,
[20:26] MINA
    Rabbit Force member Tsukishiro
    Mina is here to do her best.
[20:42] OTSUKI
    Stop hogging the spotlight, newbie.
[20:45] MINA
    Sorry.
[20:46] OTSUKI
    I'll let you have it today.
[20:49] OTSUKI
    Now let's kick his ass.
[20:51] MINA
    Okay.
[21:09] OTSUKI
    Now, newbie!
[21:11] MINA
    Okay.
[21:13] MALE ANNOUNCER
    By merging with the wielder's body, Mina
    weapons achieve their maximum power.
[21:20] MALE ANNOUNCER
    They are the ultimate weapon.
[21:27] MINA
    Carrot Hammer!
[21:50] MINA
    I'm not sure I get it, but I did it.
[21:53] OTSUKI
    It's not over yet.
[22:03] MINA
    The Rapanite has been arrested.
[22:11] MINA
    This is Tsukuda Mina.
[22:13] MINA
    Today I'm interviewing the
    Alien of baseball, Nikaido.
[22:17] ESCARTIN
    Why? I should be there interviewing him.
[22:23] KATO
    It's a good thing Tsukishiro Mina showed up.
[22:27] KATO
    Where were you during the interview?
[22:29] MINA
    Uh, um...
[22:32] MINA
    Sorry.
[22:34] STAFF
    What's the big deal?
[22:35] STAFF
    SpoLuna got an exclusive
    scoop on today's incident.
[22:38] STAFF
    I'm looking forward to tomorrow's ratings.
[22:40] KATO
    I guess so.
[22:41] KATO
    For now, cheers!
[22:44] ALL
    Cheers!
[22:48] STAFF
    Keep the food coming, ma'am.
[22:51] CHEF
    Yes, sir.
[22:53] MINA
    Today, I probably shouldn't try to think
    about happened then or after that.
[23:03] MINA
    Carrot juice!
[24:28] MINA
    What? You want me to host a mini-segment?
[24:30] STAFF
    I'd like you to write a piece on
    50 years of pro wrestling history.
[24:33] STAFF
    It airs tomorrow. Is that too much to ask?
[24:35] MINA
    No, I'll do it. Please let me do it.
[24:37] ESCARTIN
    Tsukudani's got her own segment?
[24:39] ESCARTIN
    That brat will pay for this.
[24:41] ESCARTIN
    I'll show her how harsh life can be.
[24:44] MINA
    Next time on Getsumento Heiki
    Mina, "I Love Pro Wrestling."
[24:48] MINA
    Rabbit Force member Tsukishiro
    Mina will arrest the Lottanites.
[24:51] SUIREN
    No good. Those aren't your own words.
[24:54] MINA
    Aw...