Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

From a good family? Check! A good personality? Check!
Shuchiin Academy is where all these elite students with bright futures flock to.
As the two leaders of the student council, Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane have supposedly fallen in love…
But after almost half a year, nothing has happened!?
They both have too much pride and can’t be honest.
Things have gotten troublesome, and they are now caught in a war of "How to get the other to confess their love first."

This is a whole new romantic comedy, following an outbreak of cunning warfare between two elite students in love.

Season 1

Season 1

E1 - I Want to Make You Invite Me to a Movie - Kaguya Wants You to Stop Her - Kaguya Wants You to Offer Her Food

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:01] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:03] ---
    You fall in love with someone...
[00:05] ---
    P-Please be my girlfriend!
[00:08] ---
    confess that love...
[00:12] ---
    and become a couple.
[00:15] ---
    Everyone would say that's a wonderful thing.
[00:20] ---
    But they're wrong!
[00:23] ---
    Even among sweethearts,
    there exists a distinct power relationship!
[00:26] ---
    A side that exploits
    and a side that's exploited,
[00:29] ---
    a side that's devoted,
    a side receiving devotion,
[00:31] ---
    a winner and a loser!
[00:36] ---
    If you're trying to live a noble life,
    then you mustn't become a loser.
[00:41] ---
    Love is war!
[00:47] ---
    The person who falls in love loses!
[00:50] ---
    KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
[02:26] ---
    Shuchiin Academy!
[02:30] ---
    It's a prestigious school
    with an ancient and honorable origin,
[02:32] ---
    founded as a facility
    to educate upper-crust children.
[02:35] ---
    The focus on the nobility is gone,
[02:38] ---
    but many talented students
    born into wealthy, distinguished families
[02:41] ---
    How do you do?
[02:41] ---
    and shouldering the future
    attend the school.
[02:43] ---
    How do you do?
[02:45] ---
    Naturally ordinary people wouldn't be permitted
    to lead and bring these students together!
[02:51] ---
    Everyone, look!
[02:53] ---
    The Student Council members!
[02:55] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya, the vice-president
    of the Student Council at Shuchiin Academy.
[03:00] ---
    Total assets: 200 trillion yen.
[03:01] ---
    Her family owns the Shinomiya Group,
[03:05] ---
    one of the top four financial conglomerates
    in Japan, with over 1,000 subsidiaries.
[03:07] ---
    SHINOMIYA BANK
[03:10] ---
    Befitting her superior lineage,
    she's a talented young woman
[03:12] ---
    who has attained
    splendid achievements in various fields,
[03:15] ---
    such as traditional performing arts,
    music, and martial arts.
[03:18] ---
    That is Kaguya Shinomiya.
[03:20] ---
    And the young man Shinomiya supports is...
[03:25] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane, the president
    of the Student Council at Shuchiin Academy.
[03:28] ---
    He's wise and intelligent,
    strong and silent.
[03:30] ---
    He scores first place
    in the practice exams.
[03:33] ---
    In contrast to talented Kaguya,
[03:34] ---
    his devotion to studying
    commands awe and fear,
[03:37] ---
    and because of that exemplary behavior,
[03:38] ---
    PRESIDENT OF STUDENT COUNCIL
[03:39] ---
    he was selected to be
    the Student Council president,
[03:42] ---
    despite being relatively new to the school.
[03:44] ---
    The weight of a solid gold braided cord
    has been passed down
[03:47] ---
    from president to president
    at Shuchiin Academy for 200 years!
[03:51] ---
    Those two always look so good together.
[03:55] ---
    There's even a dignity to them!
[03:58] ---
    Do you think they're dating?
[04:00] ---
    - Somebody, please ask them!
    - I wouldn't dare!
[04:03] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[04:03] ---
    It would be presumptuous to even get close
    to them, let alone ask such a question!
[04:21] ---
    It seems...
[04:23] ---
    I WILL MAKE YOU
    INVITE ME TO A MOVIE
[04:23] ---
    there's a rumor going around...
[04:26] ---
    that we're in a relationship or some such.
[04:29] ---
    That's normal for their age.
[04:31] ---
    You should ignore it.
[04:34] ---
    That's all it is?
[04:36] ---
    They think Shinomiya and I are dating?
[04:39] ---
    The fools certainly do enjoy
    talking about nonsensical love affairs.
[04:45] ---
    Although...
[04:48] ---
    if Shinomiya demanded that I go out with her,
    I suppose I would mull it over!
[04:54] ---
    And I'm certain she has feelings for me.
[04:57] ---
    Probably just a matter of time.
[05:00] ---
    She should just take off the mask
    of a perfect, pampered young lady
[05:03] ---
    President, I need to talk to you.
[05:03] ---
    and make her blushing appeal to me.
[05:08] ---
    The ignorant children with their common talk.
[05:11] ---
    Who do they think I am?
[05:14] ---
    I'm a member of the Shinomiya family,
    the heart of this country.
[05:17] ---
    How did they reach the conclusion
    that I would be dating a commoner?
[05:22] ---
    Well, I suppose there could be
    a very slight possibility.
[05:28] ---
    If he got on his knees and offered up
    his body, soul, and hometown,
[05:32] ---
    I suppose I could train him
    to be a man who measures up to me.
[05:38] ---
    Certainly, there's no man
    who doesn't pine for me.
[05:41] ---
    It's probably just a matter of time.
[05:48] ---
    While they were engaging
    in this kind of thing...
[05:53] ---
    half a year passed!
[05:56] ---
    Nothing of note happened during that period.
[06:05] ---
    By the way, today there were snails
[06:07] ---
    in the interior of the apple and cherry relief
    in the courtyard's water fountain.
[06:11] ---
    My younger sister once caught a cold
    taking a dip in the water fountain,
[06:14] ---
    even though it was hot outside.
[06:15] ---
    When you act according to emotions,
    nothing good results.
[06:18] ---
    During this period of nothingness,
[06:20] ---
    their thoughts shifted from,
    "I wouldn't mind dating him/her"
[06:22] ---
    to "Maybe I'll make him/her
    confess his/her love to me."
[06:27] ---
    Meanwhile, one other person had no idea
    that two super high school-level minds
[06:27] ---
    STEAMED BUN
[06:31] ---
    were engaged in sophisticated strategizing!
[06:33] ---
    SHUCHIIN ACADEMY
    STUDENT COUNCIL SECRETARY
[06:34] ---
    That reminds me! Listen to this!
SIGN    CHIKA FUJIWARA
[06:38] ---
    I won a pair of movie tickets, but
    my parents won't let me see stuff like that,
[06:41] ---
    STEAMED BUN
[06:45] ---
    LOVE REFRAIN
[06:46] ---
    So are you two interested?
[06:49] ---
    NOTE: CHEAPSKATE
[06:50] ---
    Hmm.
[06:51] ---
    Come to think of it,
    I have a rare free weekend.
[06:55] ---
    So, Shinomiya, why don't we—
[06:56] ---
    Supposedly there's a jinx.
    If a boy and a girl
[06:59] ---
    go see this movie together,
    they'll become a couple.
[07:02] ---
    How romantic!
[07:04] ---
    Oh, President.
[07:06] ---
    Did you just invite me?
[07:10] ---
    You want to go with me to a movie
    in which males and females
[07:12] ---
    are said to become a couple
    if they see it together.
[07:16] ---
    Oh, dear, that sounds a lot like...
[07:19] ---
    Like I'm asking her out on a date!
[07:24] ---
    Shirogane's predicament was,
    in romance,
[07:25] ---
    "The person who falls in love loses"
    is the rule!
[07:27] ---
    As they were both full of pride, neither one
    could confess one iota of romantic interest!
[07:33] ---
    What should I do? It's blatant.
    The only thing I can do is smooth it over!
[07:38] ---
    Why don't we sell the tickets to a scalper?
[07:40] ---
    Oh, President, I've never seen you
    this flustered before.
[07:53] ---
    How cute.
[07:58] ---
    This is unacceptable! There is no escape route
    on the path that Shirogane conquers!
[08:02] ---
    You're the one
    who's going to run, Shinomiya!
[08:04] ---
    Yeah, I invited you, Shinomiya.
[08:07] ---
    I don't care about rumors like that,
    but it seems you do.
[08:12] ---
    Do you want to see this movie with me?
[08:14] ---
    LOVE REFRAIN
[08:15] ---
    That moment, Shinomiya thought...
[08:18] ---
    After indicating the intent to invite me,
[08:20] ---
    he assigned me the choice
    of whether we see the movie or not.
[08:24] ---
    Well played.
[08:26] ---
    I could choose to refuse,
[08:30] ---
    but then all of my preliminary arrangements
    up to now would become meaningless.
[08:34] ---
    WINNER
[08:34] ---
    I went to all the trouble of fabricating a prize
    and putting it in Miss Fujiwara's mailbox.
[08:39] ---
    All right!
[08:40] ---
    My plan to aim for one of the president's
    rare free days would be for nothing!
[08:47] ---
    LOVE REFRAIN
[08:47] ---
    And if I turn him down now,
[08:49] ---
    the president may never invite me
    to anything again!
[08:53] ---
    From the viewpoint of a young lady, I say no!
    And I say no to that kind of choice!
[08:57] ---
    LOVE REFRAIN
[08:57] ---
    Yes, well...
[09:00] ---
    I can't help believing in stories like that.
[09:06] ---
    So if we are going,
[09:08] ---
    I'd like you to at least invite me
    with more passion.
[09:12] ---
    MISS INNOCENT
[09:12] ---
    "Miss Innocent" skill implemented!
[09:15] ---
    It's a negotiating skill passed on
    from father to child in the Shinomiya family.
[09:18] ---
    It's said this calculated expression and voice
    even make the gods' hearts beat faster.
[09:23] ---
    In truth, Shirogane's thoughts
    were also in disarray.
[09:26] ---
    Well, I guess it's the man's duty
    to ask a woman out.
[09:29] ---
    That thought crossed his mind!
[09:31] ---
    Of course, Shinomiya didn't
    let that chance go by!
[09:34] ---
    She pursued without a moment's delay!
[09:35] ---
    LOVE REFRAIN
[09:35] ---
    I'm at the age where I'd like to try
    a little romance, too.
[09:42] ---
    This battle of thoughts
    seemed to be like a chess problem.
[09:46] ---
    Shinomiya cornered Shirogane, who searched
    for an opportunity to turn it around.
[09:50] ---
    The brains of these prodigies
    raced two steps ahead,
[09:52] ---
    clashing with each other as wheels
    turned faster than any ordinary mind!
[09:55] ---
    Kaguya strengthened her defense.
[09:57] ---
    Shirogane tried to break through!
[09:59] ---
    They both constructed a theory
    leading to a conclusion!
[10:02] ---
    The one who completed the theory first
    would be the winner!
[10:06] ---
    If you don't like love stories,
    you can also use the tickets...
[10:09] ---
    to go see the movie,
    "The Birdie from Tottori."
[10:13] ---
    “The Birdie...
[10:14] ---
    ...from Tottori”?
[10:16] ---
    Chaos theory.
[10:18] ---
    Secretary Fujiwara's casual remark
[10:20] ---
    added an element of chaos
    into the theories that were all but completed!
[10:25] ---
    It was only one element, but like the Big Bang,
    the chaos increased the possibilities.
[10:33] ---
    In order to process
    the vastly expanded choices,
[10:35] ---
    Um, is something wrong?
[10:36] ---
    the wheels in their brains spun even faster,
    going beyond their limits!
[10:39] ---
    As a result, their brains
    craved a great deal of sugar!
[10:42] ---
    SUGAR
[10:43] ---
    The only sugar in the Student Council office
    was in a single steamed bun!
[10:48] ---
    Thus, whoever obtained the steamed bun
    would be the winner!
[10:54] ---
    Afternoon classes are about to start.
[10:59] ---
    Well, see you again after school.
[11:04] ---
    It was a sophisticated
    romantic battle of the brains,
[11:06] ---
    with the ingenuity and pride
    of these two geniuses on the line.
SIGN    TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT
SIGN    BOTH SIDES DEFEATED
[11:17] ---
    I repeat, it was a sophisticated
    romantic battle of the brains,
[11:21] ---
    with the ingenuity and pride
    of these two geniuses on the line!
[11:31] ---
    Huh?
[11:32] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO BE STOPPED
[11:33] ---
    Oh.
[11:34] ---
    Oh dear, huh?
[11:37] ---
    A love letter?
[11:39] ---
    Yes.
[11:40] ---
    He was very passionate,
    even asking me out to dinner.
[11:44] ---
    In other words, he invited you out on a date?
[11:47] ---
    A love letter to Shinomiya?
[11:49] ---
    Some men really are fools for love.
[11:52] ---
    We're talking about Shinomiya
    who usually passes the time looking at me.
[11:55] ---
    Does this fellow know, next to me,
    any other male in the vicinity
[11:58] ---
    would only register
    as a talking weed?
[11:59] ---
    MR. WEED
[12:00] ---
    Hello!
[12:01] ---
    There's no way Shinomiya would accept.
[12:03] ---
    Do you intend to go on the date?
[12:05] ---
    Of course.
[12:06] ---
    Crack!
[12:08] ---
    You've lost your mind, Shinomiya!
[12:09] ---
    Blindly accepting an invitation
    from someone you've never met!
[12:13] ---
    He's someone who mustered the courage
    to write me an enthusiastic love letter.
[12:17] ---
    I'm sure I'll fall for him.
[12:19] ---
    Ridiculous!
[12:20] ---
    You think I'll just let this happen?
[12:22] ---
    Somehow, I have to stop Shinomiya!
[12:25] ---
    Don't go on a date with any man but me!
[12:28] ---
    What's that?
[12:29] ---
    Oh, my. Do you find the prospect of another
    person taking me away really that unpleasant?
[12:39] ---
    How cute.
[12:42] ---
    This is as good as a confession of love!
[12:44] ---
    It's like I'm saying,
    "Shinomiya, I love you!"
[12:46] ---
    I have to...
[12:47] ---
    I have to avoid that at all costs!
[12:48] ---
    Kaguya, are you really going?
[12:51] ---
    Yes.
[12:52] ---
    I'm really looking forward to it.
[12:53] ---
    At first glance, it seems Kaguya is thinking
    only romantically, without any principles.
[12:58] ---
    As if I would really go.
[13:00] ---
    Are there just flowers in her head
    instead of a brain?
[13:02] ---
    Of course it's a bluff!
[13:04] ---
    If he wants to invite me out on a date,
    he'd better start by offering me a country
[13:07] ---
    and then be worthy of my consideration.
[13:10] ---
    Like I would just go out with him
    as an act of charity?
[13:13] ---
    Shinomiya had no intentions
    of going on a date with a talking weed.
[13:17] ---
    After all, it was only a strategy
    to get Shirogane to stop her.
[13:23] ---
    A romantic battle of the brains!
[13:25] ---
    As they were both full of pride,
    neither one could confess romantic interest!
[13:29] ---
    The only thing to do
    was use resourcefulness and skill
[13:31] ---
    to make the other person
    confess their love!
[13:34] ---
    Is there no way I can naturally
    keep her from going? Think!
[13:37] ---
    Intelligence put to the test!
[13:39] ---
    It's pointless.
    Until the president bows his head
[13:43] ---
    and honestly begs me not to go,
    I refuse to cancel.
[13:45] ---
    A clever scheme!
[13:46] ---
    That's the romantic battle of the brains!
[13:48] ---
    The ongoing duel between them!
[13:52] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:55] ---
    as the president of Student Council,
[13:56] ---
    I can't endorse
    illicit activities with the opposite sex.
[13:59] ---
    The ace up his sleeve.
[14:00] ---
    An ingenious approach.
    Giving his opinion not as himself,
[14:03] ---
    but as the president of Student Council,
    doesn't do him any damage.
[14:06] ---
    That's an exaggeration.
    We're just going out for dinner.
[14:09] ---
    Our teacher will be the judge of that.
[14:11] ---
    Suspension from school is very possible.
[14:14] ---
    If you insist on going, well...
[14:19] ---
    TATTLE TO THE TEACHER!
[14:19] ---
    I'll run it by the teacher!
[14:23] ---
    Tattling to the teacher!
[14:24] ---
    It's tremendously effective,
    but it's a risky choice,
[14:24] ---
    Naughty, naughty!
    We're gonna tell the teacher!
[14:27] ---
    since the person who uses it
    is likely to be labeled a coward.
[14:31] ---
    But for Shirogane, preventing Shinomiya's
    date was more important than his honor.
[14:36] ---
    That determination had an effect on Kaguya.
[14:38] ---
    I didn't think the president would use
    a forbidden move like that.
[14:38] ---
    GRRR...
[14:41] ---
    But I'm going to stick to my guns!
[14:43] ---
    I don't mind.
[14:44] ---
    If it's true love,
    I'm prepared to even accept expulsion.
[14:49] ---
    E-Expulsion?
[14:52] ---
    I'm prepared to offer my body and soul
    for true love.
[14:57] ---
    Body and soul?
[14:59] ---
    Shirogane takes major damage!
[15:00] ---
    Th...
[15:01] ---
    That's ridiculous!
[15:03] ---
    No, it's not!
[15:04] ---
    He's conveyed his ardent love for me.
[15:07] ---
    Wouldn't it be dishonorable of me
    not to be prepared for expulsion?
[15:10] ---
    S-Stop being silly!
[15:12] ---
    Then maybe I should confess my love!
[15:17] ---
    For the sake of argument...
[15:20] ---
    Just for argument,
[15:22] ---
    would you be able to forget
    about this boy then?
[15:28] ---
    There...
[15:30] ---
    There's a possibility.
[15:37] ---
    Could something so easily swayed
    be true love?
[15:43] ---
    If being wooed by another man
    can make you forget him,
[15:46] ---
    then there's no way it's true love!
[15:48] ---
    I just said there's a possibility!
[15:51] ---
    I see, I see. Then it's true love.
[15:53] ---
    If you're worried about me, you should
    stop me without regard to the way it looks!
[15:57] ---
    I don't care what you say!
    I'm really going!
[16:01] ---
    Unless I get a tearfully passionate
    confession of love, I really am going!
[16:05] ---
    President?
[16:08] ---
    TEARY-EYED
[16:11] ---
    I don't want anyone to have you, Kaguya!
[16:15] ---
    - I don't want you expelled!
    - Fujiwa...
[16:17] ---
    WAAH
[16:18] ---
    No, no!
[16:20] ---
    - Don't go away!
    - Hey...
[16:22] ---
    I'm crazy about you!
[16:23] ---
    - I love you!
    - Enough! I won't go, so get off of me!
[16:28] ---
    Kaguya lost today's battle.
[16:28] ---
    TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT
[16:31] ---
    KAGUYA DEFEATED
[16:33] ---
    A PASSIONATE LOVE LETTER ARRIVED...
[16:37] ---
    BY HAYASAKA
[16:40] ---
    Forget it!
[16:41] ---
    Why not? Just give me one bite!
[16:46] ---
    All right, but jeez.
[16:49] ---
    Here.
[16:56] ---
    Improper!
[16:58] ---
    Worth getting that angry about?
[16:59] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS IT
[17:00] ---
    They don't have enough self-awareness
[17:02] ---
    about being students
    of traditional Shuchiin Academy.
[17:04] ---
    Coaxing someone like that in public,
    it's despicable!
[17:08] ---
    It's silly and vulgar!
[17:12] ---
    That's a mean way to put it.
[17:15] ---
    President, you brought
    your own lunch today?
[17:17] ---
    Yeah. My grandpa in the country
    sent us a lot of vegetables.
[17:22] ---
    It may not look great,
    but I have confidence in the taste.
[17:23] ---
    Miyuki, eat it all up!
[17:28] ---
    It was the first time
    Kaguya had seen such a lunch.
[17:33] ---
    Kaguya's own lunch was always prepared
    by a team of chefs
[17:36] ---
    and delivered to her
    during the lunch hour.
[17:39] ---
    Her lunch was nutritionally balanced,
    of course,
[17:42] ---
    achieving harmony
    with fresh ingredients as the foundation.
[17:44] ---
    That is the lunch that Kaguya knows.
[17:48] ---
    Boiled food! Red wieners! Rolled omelette!
[17:50] ---
    Hamburger! Pickled dried plum! And...
[17:52] ---
    SEAWEED EGG
[17:54] ---
    seasoning over rice!
[17:55] ---
    All the food one could want
    crammed into a box.
[17:57] ---
    Kaguya was blown away by this
    free assortment like a child's treasure chest.
[18:03] ---
    Wieners sliced to look
    like an octopus! They really exist!
[18:07] ---
    I want to try one, but...
[18:10] ---
    Kaguya's pride wouldn't allow it!
[18:11] ---
    Lunch, lunch.
[18:13] ---
    You brought lunch today?
    It looks delicious!
[18:16] ---
    I know, right? I made it all myself.
[18:19] ---
    Lucky. Please give me a bite!
[18:23] ---
    Sure, I don't mind.
[18:25] ---
    Really?
[18:27] ---
    I'll give you this hamburger.
[18:29] ---
    All right!
[18:29] ---
    Hey! Miss Fujiwara?
[18:33] ---
    DELICIOUS
[18:36] ---
    It's out of this world!
[18:40] ---
    The piping hot juice that spills
    out of a hamburger is delicious,
[18:45] ---
    but there's something special
    about a hamburger
[18:47] ---
    that's yummy at room temperature
    with all of the flavor locked in!
[18:49] ---
    FLAVOR
[18:49] ---
    YUMMY
[18:49] ---
    MEAT JUICES LOCKED IN
[18:51] ---
    - All right, eat this, too.
    - Yay!
[18:57] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[18:58] ---
    I considered you a friend...
[19:02] ---
    but if your life was in danger tomorrow,
    I wouldn't lift a finger to help you.
[19:07] ---
    What's that scornful stare about?
[19:12] ---
    You...
[19:13] ---
    You think my lunch is that miserable?
[19:16] ---
    Make fun of me?
[19:17] ---
    I'll teach you a lesson!
[19:21] ---
    Hot miso soup!
[19:23] ---
    It's no good if the rice gets cold and hard,
    but if you have it with miso soup...
[19:29] ---
    in that instant,
    the two merge into a supreme dish.
[19:32] ---
    Try it.
[19:33] ---
    Sure!
[19:35] ---
    Hey! Why did you take it
    from the part he already ate from?
[19:38] ---
    That's an indirect kiss!
[19:40] ---
    That, too?
[19:46] ---
    The rice! The rice is melting in my mouth!
[19:51] ---
    Yes, just as using cold rice
    for cooked rice with green tea
[19:52] ---
    FROZEN RICE
[19:53] ---
    DOESN'T STICK TOGETHER
[19:53] ---
    has been traditional for ages,
[19:54] ---
    MIX IT WITH SOUP
[19:55] ---
    there's marvelous compatibility
    between warm soup and a cold lunch.
[19:55] ---
    BREAKS APART
[19:57] ---
    DELICIOUS!!
[19:59] ---
    This is delicious!
    You're a genius, President!
[20:02] ---
    Okay, enough praise!
[20:03] ---
    How about that, Shinomiya?
[20:05] ---
    After all, this isn't secondhand knowledge!
[20:05] ---
    I bet you didn't know
    how good cold rice could be.
[20:07] ---
    It's a discovery based
    on experimentation and inspiration!
[20:09] ---
    Kaguya! Kaguya! Kaguya! Kaguya!
[20:11] ---
    He's on the level of Newton,
    maybe even higher!
[20:14] ---
    Kaguya, let's go home together!
[20:16] ---
    I love getting to do a sleepover with you!
[20:19] ---
    It doesn't hurt, but I'm crying!
[20:26] ---
    Goodbye, Miss Fujiwara.
    We're no longer friends.
[20:31] ---
    She looks even more contemptuous!
[20:33] ---
    But why?
[20:35] ---
    I see. If that's how you want to play it,
    then I have an idea, too.
[20:40] ---
    Just wait until tomorrow.
[20:43] ---
    THE NEXT DAY
[20:48] ---
    A lot of effort was put into this.
[20:51] ---
    It seems our chef got carried away.
[20:55] ---
    Huh. It actually looks good.
[20:58] ---
    I know it!
    Then you're going to ask me, aren't you?
[21:01] ---
    Ask me for a bite.
[21:03] ---
    Then I'll be magnanimous, and...
[21:06] ---
    Gimme! Gimme!
[21:09] ---
    Good grief. Fine, President,
    we can exchange lunches.
[21:12] ---
    And that's how I'll accept it.
[21:14] ---
    So come over anytime.
[21:18] ---
    Why don't we eat, too?
[21:19] ---
    Yeah!
[21:23] ---
    Octopus-shaped wieners again today!
[21:25] ---
    Yep. They're a staple.
[21:27] ---
    Nice! They're cute and yummy!
    Nothing could be better!
[21:31] ---
    I don't know about that.
[21:34] ---
    Why not? That's how I think of them!
[21:39] ---
    All right, all ri...
[21:40] ---
    President...
[21:42] ---
    I recall you love oysters.
[21:46] ---
    What is this disturbing aura
    she's been giving off since yesterday?
[21:49] ---
    Why is she offering me
    a meaninglessly high-class dish?
[21:52] ---
    She must be plotting something.
    Otherwise...
[21:55] ---
    Oh, my.
[21:57] ---
    How cute.
[22:00] ---
    I'll give you this out of charity, President,
    since I feel sorry for you.
[22:03] ---
    She feels sorry for me?
[22:05] ---
    Th-This is humiliating!
[22:08] ---
    I can't take it.
[22:09] ---
    I will not take it!
[22:11] ---
    I have nothing to give you
    in exchange for this high-class dish!
[22:14] ---
    I'd be happy with octopus wieners!
[22:16] ---
    Kaguya? Doesn't that hurt?
[22:18] ---
    Is your head okay?
[22:20] ---
    Darn it! That sounds like an insult!
[22:23] ---
    Anyway, what is that?
[22:26] ---
    Oh, this?
    The president made lunch for me, too.
[22:31] ---
    There's no difference
    in making it for one or two people.
[22:35] ---
    It's delicious!
[22:37] ---
    Really? Good to hear.
[22:40] ---
    Color is important to a lunch box, right?
[22:42] ---
    That's certainly true.
[22:42] ---
    Cattle in human form.
[22:44] ---
    Prideless parasite,
    relying on someone else to survive.
[22:47] ---
    All that nutrition to your chest,
    nothing for your brain!
[22:50] ---
    Repulsive creature!
[22:52] ---
    I swear I'll never forgive you.
[22:55] ---
    Shinomiya's eyes are like an assassin's!
[22:57] ---
    Crap! I have the club meeting today!
    I'd better hurry and eat!
[23:03] ---
    My octopus-shaped wiener!
[23:06] ---
    I'll see you later!
[23:11] ---
    What am I doing?
[23:15] ---
    I feel like a fool.
[23:19] ---
    Kaguya...
[23:29] ---
    It's good, right?
[23:31] ---
    Let's share it!
[23:38] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[23:40] ---
    I'm sorry.
[23:42] ---
    I had the wrong idea about you.
[23:45] ---
    You're definitely a human being.
[23:46] ---
    What did you think I was before?
[23:49] ---
    Have confidence.
[23:50] ---
    TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT
[23:50] ---
    Today's battle.
[23:51] ---
    I've never lacked confidence about that!
[23:52] ---
    DUE TO SHIROGANE'S ESCAPING,
    VICTORY FOR KAGUYA
[23:55] ---
    Kaguya won.
[24:02] ---
    Good grief.
[24:04] ---
    What a nuisance the president is.
[24:07] ---
    After all that preparation,
    he still hasn't confessed his love to me.
[24:12] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[24:14] ---
    purely hypothetically,
    if you truly fall in love someday,
[24:18] ---
    would you wait for that person
    to confess their love, like now?
[24:20] ---
    Or would you confess your love?
[24:22] ---
    The romantic battle of the brains.
[24:24] ---
    It's a duel between two souls,
    with their dignity on the line!
[24:28] ---
    If that time comes, I would consider
    the risk of someone stealing him first
[24:32] ---
    and come to the one
    rational conclusion.
[24:35] ---
    Of course I would go.
[24:37] ---
    I would go.
[24:39] ---
    Please.
[24:40] ---
    Of course I... Of course.
[24:43] ---
    Please understand that she's not
    having trouble because of a silly reason
[24:48] ---
    like "Confessing my love
    would be too embarrassing"
[24:50] ---
    or "What if he turned me down?"
[24:53] ---
    CONFESSION
[24:55] ---
    Who cares? It doesn't even matter!

Season 1

E2 - Kaguya Wants to Trade - Chika Wants to Go Somewhere - Miyuki Wants to Hide His Ignorance

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:01] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:03] ---
    You fall in love with someone...
[00:04] ---
    P-Please be my girlfriend!
[00:08] ---
    confess that love...
[00:12] ---
    and become a couple.
[00:15] ---
    Everyone would say that's a wonderful thing.
[00:20] ---
    But they're wrong!
[00:23] ---
    Even among sweethearts,
    there exists a distinct power relationship!
[00:26] ---
    A side that exploits
    and a side that's exploited,
[00:29] ---
    a side that's devoted,
    a side receiving devotion,
[00:31] ---
    a winner and a loser!
[00:36] ---
    If you're trying to live a noble life,
    then you mustn't become a loser!
[00:41] ---
    Love is war!
[00:45] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:46] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:47] ---
    The person who falls in love loses!
[00:50] ---
    KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
[02:26] ---
    Shuchiin Academy!
[02:30] ---
    It's a prestigious school
    with an ancient and honorable origin,
[02:33] ---
    founded as a facility
    to educate upper-crust children.
[02:36] ---
    The focus on the nobility is gone,
[02:38] ---
    but many talented students
    born into wealthy, distinguished families,
[02:41] ---
    and shouldering the future
    attend the school.
[02:44] ---
    And now a message
    from the student council.
[02:48] ---
    The student council members.
[02:50] ---
    Naturally ordinary people wouldn't be permitted
    to lead and bring these students together!
[02:55] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya, the vice-president
    of the student council at Shuchiin Academy.
[02:59] ---
    Total assets: 200 trillion yen.
[03:01] ---
    Her family owns the Shinomiya Group,
[03:04] ---
    one of the top four financial conglomerates
    in Japan, with over 1,000 subsidiaries.
[03:06] ---
    SHINOMIYA BANK
[03:10] ---
    Befitting her superior lineage,
    she's a talented young woman
[03:12] ---
    who has attained
    splendid achievements in various fields,
[03:15] ---
    such as traditional performing arts,
    music and martial arts.
[03:17] ---
    That is Kaguya Shinomiya.
[03:20] ---
    And the young man Shinomiya supports is...
[03:24] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane, the president
    of the student council at Shuchiin Academy.
[03:28] ---
    He's wise and intelligent,
    strong and silent.
[03:31] ---
    He scores first place
    in the practice exams!
[03:32] ---
    In contrast to talented Kaguya,
[03:35] ---
    his devotion to studying
    commands awe and fear,
[03:37] ---
    and because of that exemplary behavior,
[03:37] ---
    PRESIDENT OF STUDENT COUNCIL
[03:39] ---
    he was selected to be
    the student council president,
[03:42] ---
    despite being relatively new to the school.
[03:44] ---
    The weight of a solid gold braided cord
    has been passed down
[03:47] ---
    from president to president
    at Shuchiin Academy for 200 years!
[03:51] ---
    That's all!
[03:58] ---
    They always look so cool!
[04:01] ---
    Yes, when they're together,
    they seem even more noble and elegant!
[04:05] ---
    I still wonder if they're dating.
[04:07] ---
    What? I'd be shocked if they were!
[04:12] ---
    I always wonder what they talk about
    in the student council room.
[04:18] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[04:19] ---
    P-President!
[04:21] ---
    WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
[04:21] ---
    You finally bought a smartphone?
[04:24] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO TRADE
[04:25] ---
    GLITTER
[04:25] ---
    It's got Line, too.
[04:28] ---
    Then let's exchange ID's!
[04:30] ---
    It's the age of I.T.!
[04:31] ---
    Cheap cell phone! It's got a cheap SIM card!
[04:32] ---
    Even Shirogane, a stubborn cheapskate
[04:34] ---
    who's long insisted
    that smartphones are unnecessary,
[04:34] ---
    - Trendy! Trendy!
    - I'll send it over to you by Line.
[04:36] ---
    has finally given in and gotten one.
[04:36] ---
    GLITTER
[04:38] ---
    It doesn't even need to be said how important
    smartphones are for high school life.
[04:39] ---
    Very nice.
[04:40] ---
    I love how you can do so many things with it.
[04:43] ---
    You can use them for social plans
    or just idly chatting,
[04:46] ---
    but sometimes you may not get a reply,
    so joy can swing to sorrow.
[04:49] ---
    It's possible to confess love to someone
    using the Line social app.
[04:52] ---
    Yes! This past half-year was wasted,
    because he wasn't using Line!
[04:56] ---
    All right, ask me for my ID
    anytime, Shinomiya!
[05:01] ---
    Yay! I got your ID!
[05:05] ---
    Why hasn't she asked me?
    It's my personal information!
[05:09] ---
    Never mind. Should I just ask her?
[05:12] ---
    But...
[05:13] ---
    Asking for contact information,
    between the lines,
[05:16] ---
    that indicates a degree of desperation
    and ulterior motive,
[05:18] ---
    which then beget a special meaning...
[05:20] ---
    That meaning is, in fact, love!
[05:24] ---
    In a romantic relationship, "the person
    who falls in love loses" is an absolute rule!
[05:28] ---
    Confirming your love for someone
    equals defeat!
[05:31] ---
    Asking the opposite sex for their contact
    information is as good as a confession of love!
[05:35] ---
    Apparently, the president
    is in love with the vice-president!
[05:38] ---
    Seriously? I have to share that!
[05:40] ---
    For a boy going through puberty,
    that means death!
[05:44] ---
    Forget it!
[05:46] ---
    There's no way I can ask her!
[05:48] ---
    Shinomiya, you ask me!
[05:50] ---
    I'm sure the president is waiting for me
    to ask him, but he'd better not hold his breath.
[05:56] ---
    It would mean something if he came to me
    and asked, even though he was embarrassed.
[06:02] ---
    Conflict! It's an inevitability in this world.
[06:04] ---
    Kill or be killed!
[06:06] ---
    Your contact info...
[06:07] ---
    Ask for it or be asked for it?
[06:09] ---
    It would be no overstatement to say therein
    lies the person's superiority or inferiority!
[06:14] ---
    Good grief. How much trouble does he think
    I went to just to make sure he got a phone?
[06:14] ---
    Cheap cell phone!
    It's got a cheap SIM card!
[06:14] ---
    SHINOMIYA
    HOUSE COOK
[06:15] ---
    KAGUYA'S ATTENDANT
[06:16] ---
    - Trendy! Trendy!
    - I'll send it over to you by Line.
[06:16] ---
    SHINOMIYA HOUSE GARDENER
[06:21] ---
    I can finally contact the president
    outside of school.
[06:25] ---
    I can say that my plan was a success,
    by and large.
[06:30] ---
    I see. She wants to make me,
    the man, ask her!
[06:34] ---
    If that's how she wants to play it...
[06:38] ---
    President, this profile photo...
[06:41] ---
    Yeah, it's a photo of me
    from when I was a kid.
[06:45] ---
    It's cute! You even scowled as a kid!
[06:49] ---
    A photo of the president
    from his childhood?
[06:50] ---
    You know how to hurt a guy.
[06:51] ---
    But that photo is a little embarrassing.
[06:53] ---
    I-I'm not especially interested.
[06:53] ---
    I think I'll change it to a different one.
[06:57] ---
    I'll change it in three minutes.
[06:58] ---
    What?
[06:59] ---
    If the president changes his profile picture,
    I'll never be able to see that photo!
[07:05] ---
    But asking him for his contact info
[07:07] ---
    expresses nothing other than
    "I want to talk to you anytime"!
[07:11] ---
    It means "I want to send
    casual messages before bedtime"...
[07:16] ---
    or "I want to talk to you on the phone...
[07:18] ---
    in the wee hours
    the night before a test and chat"!
[07:21] ---
    It'd be like that's what I was thinking!
[07:25] ---
    A lady must not do anything as improper
    as asking a male for his contact information!
[07:30] ---
    Since it's come to this,
    I'll have to use my last resort!
[07:37] ---
    Kaguya?
[07:43] ---
    The president is so cruel.
[07:45] ---
    DRIP
[07:48] ---
    H-How could you be so mean?
[07:53] ---
    Her skill of deception has been activated!
[07:53] ---
    A MAIDEN’S TEARS
[07:55] ---
    ACTIVATED
[07:56] ---
    You're terrible, President!
[07:58] ---
    You're terrible!
[07:59] ---
    Her words don't especially mean anything.
[08:01] ---
    But being told he's mean makes him
    feel like he's done something mean.
[08:04] ---
    BARNUM EFFECT
[08:05] ---
    In psychology,
    it's called the "Barnum Effect."
[08:09] ---
    I'm sorry! I didn't mean to leave you out!
[08:11] ---
    Here, I'll show you too, Shinomiya!
[08:14] ---
    - Wait. You...
    - Too late!
[08:16] ---
    She memorized it!
[08:18] ---
    Though it was a fleeting glimpse,
    Shirogane's profile photo
[08:20] ---
    has been preserved
    in Kaguya's hippocampus!
[08:24] ---
    Shirogane lost the sole ace up his sleeve!
[08:26] ---
    Kaguya made a comeback
    to win overwhelmingly!
[08:31] ---
    Now, I have no reason
    to ask the president for his ID.
[08:36] ---
    Go ahead. Ask me for mine.
[08:39] ---
    Can I... Can I come up with anything else?
[08:44] ---
    Shirogane racked his brain
    to come from behind!
[08:46] ---
    I guess I'll have to use that!
[08:48] ---
    Kaguya realized that she needed
    to block that line of thinking!
[08:51] ---
    He's dead.
[08:52] ---
    The conclusion is at hand!
[08:54] ---
    That's right!
[08:56] ---
    It's cruel to talk about using Line when
    Kaguya's old phone doesn't support that app!
[09:03] ---
    I'm sorry!
[09:04] ---
    - It can't use it?
    - It can't use it?
[09:06] ---
    You're rich! Buy a different phone!
[09:08] ---
    I've used this phone ever since kindergarten,
    so I'm attached to it!
[09:10] ---
    I can't switch it now!
[09:11] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH
[09:12] ---
    Get rid of your weird hang-up!
[09:12] ---
    This is a story of love and intellect
    going around in circles.
[09:13] ---
    How is it weird?
[09:13] ---
    BOTH LOSE
[09:15] ---
    - I don't know if it's weird.
    - You're weird, President!
[09:17] ---
    THEY HAVE EXCHANGED ADDRESSES.
[09:23] ---
    It's cold today.
[09:25] ---
    I wish summer would get here soon.
[09:26] ---
    CHIKA WANTS
    TO GO SOMEWHERE
[09:27] ---
    Talk about impatient.
    It'll be spring for a long time yet.
[09:31] ---
    Oh no! Time flies by way too fast!
[09:34] ---
    If you're careless, you'll graduate
    with nothing happening at all!
[09:37] ---
    80 DAMAGE TO THE HEARTS
    OF SHINOMIYA AND SHIROGANE
[09:40] ---
    Over the summer,
    let's go on a student council trip!
[09:44] ---
    That's a good idea.
[09:46] ---
    Let's go somewhere
    like an informal social gathering.
[09:48] ---
    Yay!
[09:50] ---
    A trip, huh?
[09:51] ---
    Then the mountains would be good.
[09:54] ---
    Fresh air.
[09:57] ---
    Reverberating echoes.
[10:01] ---
    SUMMIT
[10:05] ---
    We'll rent a cottage and have a barbecue.
[10:08] ---
    At night, the starry sky will put a spell on us.
[10:13] ---
    Look. There's Deneb, Altair and Vega,
    the Summer Triangle.
[10:18] ---
    Altair and Vega represent
    the story of Hikoboshi and Orihime.
[10:22] ---
    They're just like us.
[10:25] ---
    Close together...
[10:28] ---
    but so far apart.
[10:38] ---
    VEGA
[10:38] ---
    DENEB
[10:38] ---
    ALTAIR
[10:38] ---
    No! President, I want to be Bb
    to your Alpha Centauri B!
[10:44] ---
    Please let me revolve
    around you, President!
[10:49] ---
    Oh, boy.
[10:51] ---
    You're a pampered first-magnitude star.
[10:53] ---
    BOOM
[10:54] ---
    That's it!
[10:55] ---
    It has to be the mountains!
[10:57] ---
    Yes. If we're going, then—
[10:59] ---
    It has to be the sea.
[11:01] ---
    Wha—
[11:02] ---
    The sea versus the mountains!
[11:04] ---
    The polar opposites that people
    have been fighting over since ancient times.
[11:08] ---
    The curtain rises
    on human nature's battle of thoughts.
[11:12] ---
    The sea. The sea is the origin of life.
[11:15] ---
    As the sun sets there, I'm sure humans
    return to being creatures of instinct.
[11:23] ---
    My swimsuit will bewitch the president
    the second he sees it!
[11:29] ---
    The sea will cast its spell
    on the president,
[11:32] ---
    and he'll confess his love to me
    while the sun sets.
[11:36] ---
    Perfect.
[11:39] ---
    The roar of the sea
    is the best lullaby in the world.
[11:42] ---
    And the salty sea breeze
    will blow away the summer heat.
[11:45] ---
    The sea?
[11:46] ---
    The sea is the last place I'll go!
[11:48] ---
    I can't swim!
[11:49] ---
    NOTE: SINKS LIKE A HAMMER
[11:52] ---
    If I went into the water
    with a swimming ring...
[11:55] ---
    I didn't know you were
    a hopeless swimmer, President.
[11:59] ---
    How cute.
[12:01] ---
    No way! It has to be the mountains!
[12:03] ---
    I refuse to go to the sea!
[12:05] ---
    The beach would be too crowded.
[12:07] ---
    I hate bumping elbows with strangers.
[12:08] ---
    Let's use a private beach
    owned by my family.
[12:12] ---
    It has warm showers, too.
[12:15] ---
    Sunburn is a young lady's archenemy!
[12:17] ---
    I'll bring along the highest grade sunscreen.
[12:19] ---
    And to seal the deal, I'll hire
    a first-class aesthetician for skin aftercare.
[12:23] ---
    - There might be sharks.
    - I'll hire a first-class hunter from Florida.
[12:28] ---
    Then we can have shark fin soup.
[12:28] ---
    COMFY
[12:30] ---
    Damn you, rich girl!
[12:33] ---
    Weak sauce, President.
[12:35] ---
    THINGS THE PRESIDENT IS LIKELY TO SAY,
    VOL. 42, TRIP EDITION
[12:35] ---
    I've already turned out a series of manuals
    to prepare for when you oppose me.
[12:40] ---
    However you attack me,
    I can render it harmless.
[12:43] ---
    We can only go to the sea
    in the summer, right?
[12:46] ---
    With mountains,
    you can't depend on weather.
[12:48] ---
    It rains a lot.
[12:49] ---
    Besides, it's got a lot of bugs.
[12:52] ---
    Bugs!
[12:53] ---
    Moths, mosquitoes, horseflies, centipedes,
    ladybugs, earthworms, drone beetles...
[12:55] ---
    Bugs are the only thing.
[12:59] ---
    Bugs are the only thing I can't stand!
[12:59] ---
    NOTE: HATES BUGS
[13:03] ---
    What should I do?
    If I go to the sea, I can't swim.
[13:05] ---
    If I go to the mountains,
    there are insects!
[13:13] ---
    Guess I'll buy a swimsuit.
[13:14] ---
    I won!
[13:15] ---
    That's right.
[13:17] ---
    My swimsuit from last year
    doesn't fit me now.
[13:20] ---
    I have to buy a new one.
[13:28] ---
    FLAT
[13:34] ---
    Normally, Shinomiya
    has confidence in her body line.
[13:37] ---
    But take that away,
    and her offensive ability becomes fragile...
[13:40] ---
    Pop.
[13:41] ---
    on the level of a peashooter.
[13:43] ---
    On the other hand, Chika Fujiwara's
    offensive ability is tank-class.
[13:47] ---
    The difference
    in military strength is hopeless.
[13:49] ---
    This is bad!
    Never mind about enchanting him!
[13:53] ---
    What is that?
[13:56] ---
    Compared to that, Shinomiya is...
    How can I put it?
[14:00] ---
    She has a cute chest?
[14:02] ---
    Cute?
[14:05] ---
    Let's go to the mountains.
[14:08] ---
    The beach is too crowded,
    and there are sharks.
[14:11] ---
    - Let's go to the mountains.
    - You didn't say that before!
[14:13] ---
    No, the sea!
[14:14] ---
    It rains in the mountains, and there are
    lots of bugs! Let's go to the sea!
[14:17] ---
    You, too?
[14:18] ---
    - The mountains.
    - The sea.
[14:19] ---
    - Mountains.
    - Sea.
[14:20] ---
    - Mountains.
    - Sea.
[14:21] ---
    - Mountains.
    - Sea.
[14:23] ---
    Since it's come to this,
    have Chika Fujiwara decide!
[14:25] ---
    Me?
[14:26] ---
    Yes, let's do it that way.
[14:28] ---
    The sea. Got it?
[14:30] ---
    The mountains!
    You wouldn't betray me, would you?
[14:34] ---
    U-Um...
[14:36] ---
    If I have to choose one...
[14:40] ---
    The mountains?
[14:41] ---
    Yes!
[14:42] ---
    But I specifically want to go...
[14:45] ---
    to Mount Osore!
[14:48] ---
    Mount Osore?
[14:53] ---
    Children's Limbo and Blood Pond.
[14:55] ---
    There are pinwheels
    symbolizing death and rebirth.
[14:57] ---
    And as long as we're there,
    let's have a medium channel a spirit.
[15:02] ---
    Who would be good?
[15:04] ---
    Christ? Buddha?
[15:04] ---
    Well, I guess we can think about it
    when summer comes.
[15:06] ---
    Prince Shotoku could be good, too.
[15:08] ---
    Aristotle, Shakespeare, Cleopatra,
    Einstein, Hideyoshi Toyotomi, Gandhi,
[15:09] ---
    I agree.
[15:10] ---
    Today's match...
[15:13] ---
    Ruined.
[15:14] ---
    Sen no Rikyu, Caesar, Marie Antoinette,
    Oscar Francois de Jarjayes!
[15:14] ---
    BECAUSE CHIKA FUJIWARA
    IS A LITTLE SCARY
[15:19] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
[15:23] ---
    Romantic advice?
[15:25] ---
    Yes! Where romance is concerned,
[15:28] ---
    I thought a veteran like you...
[15:30] ---
    could give me advice, President!
[15:30] ---
    MIYUKI WANTS TO HIDE
    HIS IGNORANCE
[15:36] ---
    I see.
[15:39] ---
    I'll help you somehow.
[15:41] ---
    President!
[15:43] ---
    A romantic veteran?
[15:45] ---
    How did people get that image of me?
[15:47] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane, 17 years old.
    Dating experience...
[15:51] ---
    None.
[15:51] ---
    NOTE: VIRGIN
[15:53] ---
    What? If this advice exposes me...
[15:56] ---
    The president is a virgin.
[15:59] ---
    A virgin?
[16:00] ---
    I'm so disillusioned!
[16:03] ---
    Sh-Shinomiya!
[16:06] ---
    How cute.
[16:07] ---
    No! I have to get through this!
[16:09] ---
    If it's about love, leave it to me!
[16:14] ---
    I've never been rejected before!
[16:16] ---
    That's why you're the president.
[16:18] ---
    He's never confessed his love,
    so that's not actually a lie.
[16:21] ---
    The president is giving advice about love?
[16:23] ---
    This could be my chance
    to hear his views on love!
[16:27] ---
    So, what's the problem?
[16:29] ---
    KASHIWAGI
[16:29] ---
    I have a classmate, Kashiwagi.
[16:34] ---
    I want to confess my love to her!
[16:37] ---
    Oh!
[16:38] ---
    But when I imagine her rejecting me,
[16:41] ---
    I think maybe I should
    become friends with her first.
[16:46] ---
    Incidentally,
    have you talked to her before?
[16:49] ---
    She gave me chocolate
    on Valentine's Day!
[16:51] ---
    What kind of chocolate?
[16:53] ---
    Choco Balls. Three pieces.
[16:57] ---
    Is that obligatory gift chocolate?
[16:59] ---
    Obligatory gift chocolate at best!
[17:02] ---
    Yeah, I would say...
[17:06] ---
    she's definitely in love with you!
[17:07] ---
    Why?
[17:09] ---
    He got Choco Balls!
[17:10] ---
    Listen!
[17:11] ---
    Women are creatures
    who aren't upfront about their feelings!
[17:14] ---
    Think of it as behaving
    the exact opposite of how they feel!
[17:16] ---
    The Choco Balls seem
    like a throwaway, but...
[17:19] ---
    GASP
[17:19] ---
    It means she likes me?
[17:21] ---
    What about opposites?
[17:23] ---
    All right! That sounded
    like half-decent advice!
[17:25] ---
    But I don't think
    she does feel that way about me.
[17:28] ---
    Just the other day...
[17:32] ---
    Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
[17:35] ---
    No, but...
[17:38] ---
    I knew it!
[17:39] ---
    He said he doesn't have a girlfriend!
[17:41] ---
    BOOM
[17:41] ---
    He doesn't look like he has one!
[17:43] ---
    That's hilarious!
[17:49] ---
    So, I think she was just making fun of me.
[17:53] ---
    It's unfortunate,
    but she was making fun of him.
[17:55] ---
    The issue is whether she even sees him
    as a member of the opposite sex.
[17:58] ---
    You're in your popular phase right now.
[18:04] ---
    Why are you so suspicious of women?
[18:06] ---
    Woman are humans, just like you!
[18:08] ---
    That's not what you were saying before!
[18:09] ---
    I'll make that situation
    easier to understand!
[18:13] ---
    Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
[18:16] ---
    If you don't, I wanna go out with you.
[18:19] ---
    No, but...
[18:21] ---
    I knew it!
[18:22] ---
    You and I are connected
    by the string of fate!
[18:25] ---
    He said he doesn't have a girlfriend!
[18:26] ---
    BOOM
[18:27] ---
    He doesn't look like he has one!
[18:28] ---
    THUMP-THUMP
[18:29] ---
    After all, he's too high-class!
[18:30] ---
    BOOM
[18:31] ---
    That's hilarious!
[18:32] ---
    THUMP-THUMP
[18:32] ---
    I'm thrilled that he's available!
[18:34] ---
    BOOM
[18:35] ---
    THUMP-THUMP
[18:35] ---
    I'm the one who's most worthy of him.
[18:37] ---
    Isn't that thinking too positively?
[18:40] ---
    It can't be!
[18:42] ---
    Exactly!
[18:44] ---
    I have to choose only one of them?
[18:47] ---
    You're an idiot, too?
[18:50] ---
    Won't that cause a rift
    in their friendship with each other?
[18:54] ---
    Worst case, it could lead to bullying.
[18:57] ---
    That's what female friendship is like.
[19:00] ---
    What is this arrogant conversation?
[19:02] ---
    But it'll be okay.
    Because she'll have you.
[19:06] ---
    All you have to do is protect her.
[19:08] ---
    I can... protect her?
[19:12] ---
    - President!
    - Yes.
[19:14] ---
    What is this?
[19:15] ---
    This'll be my first time
    confessing my love to someone.
[19:18] ---
    How should I go about it?
[19:20] ---
    I have a good idea.
[19:24] ---
    - Imagine the girl in question is right here.
    - Okay.
[19:27] ---
    You do...
[19:29] ---
    this!
[19:34] ---
    Go out with me.
[19:38] ---
    When you suddenly corner a girl
    against the wall like that, she'll be nervous,
[19:42] ---
    but the moment
    you whisper of love in her ear,
[19:44] ---
    anxiety will turn into a throbbing heart.
    Your chance of success will go up!
[19:49] ---
    He startled me!
[19:50] ---
    I call this technique "wall-down."
[19:54] ---
    I came up with it myself.
[19:55] ---
    It's "wall-slamming”!
    It's been around for years!
[19:58] ---
    SHIVER SHIVER
[19:59] ---
    Genius.
[20:00] ---
    You're that stupid?
[20:02] ---
    Thank you!
    You've given me courage, President!
[20:05] ---
    I knew the person who conquered
    Shinomiya could help me!
[20:09] ---
    No, Shinomiya and I aren't dating.
[20:13] ---
    Th-That's right!
    No one's ever conquered me!
[20:16] ---
    Really?
[20:18] ---
    It seems like you two are a couple.
[20:21] ---
    No, just the opposite.
[20:23] ---
    Recently, I wonder if she hates me.
[20:27] ---
    I don't even think she's interested in me.
[20:30] ---
    I don't especially hate you.
[20:32] ---
    Did I do something to give you that idea?
[20:34] ---
    She has no self-awareness.
[20:35] ---
    President!
    What's important is how you feel!
[20:43] ---
    How do I feel about Shinomiya?
[20:49] ---
    Well, to be honest, her wealth
    and natural talents annoy me.
[20:54] ---
    She's ditsier than you'd think,
    scary in private, and her chest...
[21:00] ---
    But maybe those are all good points!
[21:03] ---
    She's actually cute! A beauty!
[21:05] ---
    Refined, elegant and clever, too!
    Really, she's too perfect!
[21:09] ---
    Yeah, Shinomiya is the ideal woman!
[21:17] ---
    That was close! She's right there!
[21:20] ---
    Thank God I noticed!
[21:22] ---
    Anyway, nothing will happen
    unless you tell her how you feel!
[21:25] ---
    And nothing good can come
    of carrying out some weird scheme!
[21:29] ---
    Huh? Why do these words resonate with me?
[21:33] ---
    I-I'll do my best!
[21:38] ---
    Thank you so much!
[21:47] ---
    Kaguya.
[21:48] ---
    Has something good happened?
[21:51] ---
    No, nothing.
[21:54] ---
    Afterwards...
[21:59] ---
    he confessed his feelings to Kashiwagi,
[22:01] ---
    and somehow
    they're apparently a couple now.
[22:08] ---
    President, I poured you some tea.
[22:11] ---
    Oh, thanks.
[22:14] ---
    Thankfully, she seems to be
    in a good mood.
[22:18] ---
    Today's match...
[22:18] ---
    Is that your one smile
    of the day?
[22:20] ---
    Kaguya wasn't particularly at fault...
[22:20] ---
    No, I'm like this
    all the time.
[22:21] ---
    when Shirogane put her in a foul mood,
    then a good mood,
[22:23] ---
    Oh.
[22:24] ---
    but he largely wasted his efforts,
    resulting in a loss for himself.
[22:27] ---
    THE NEXT PERSON SEEKING ADVICE
[22:28] ---
    Shock!

Season 1

E3 - Shirogane Miyuki Still Hasn't Done It - Kaguya Wants Him to Guess Right - Kaguya Wants to Walk

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    You fall in love with someone...
[00:01] ---
    FATE
[00:02] ---
    confess that love...
[00:03] ---
    DESTINY
[00:03] ---
    and become a couple.
[00:05] ---
    Everyone would say that's a wonderful thing.
[00:09] ---
    But they're wrong!
[00:14] ---
    Love is war!
[00:18] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:19] ---
    CONFESSION
[00:20] ---
    The person who falls in love loses!
[00:23] ---
    KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
[01:58] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[01:59] ---
    Oh.
[02:01] ---
    TEENS LOVE BIBLE
[02:02] ---
    What's this?
[02:03] ---
    Oh, the headmaster confiscated it
    from a student.
[02:04] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    STILL HASN'T DONE IT
[02:07] ---
    He said, "It's not proper reading material,
    so dispose of it."
[02:10] ---
    Jeez. Why didn't he just do it himself?
[02:13] ---
    Not proper reading material?
[02:18] ---
    CRUDE
[02:19] ---
    Crude!
[02:20] ---
    I mean lewd!
SIGN    LEWD
[02:21] ---
    This country is becoming lewd!
[02:24] ---
    What's got her skirt in a bunch?
[02:27] ---
    Maybe nudity with pubic hair?
[02:28] ---
    Shirogane showed great interest.
[02:31] ---
    - Kaguya, I wouldn't if I were you!
    - Let's see.
[02:33] ---
    A survey. "When was your 'first time?'"
[02:36] ---
    "By high school. 34%."
[02:39] ---
    No way! There's no way
    that many are doing it!
[02:43] ---
    34%!
[02:44] ---
    In other words, more than a third!
[02:47] ---
    One out of three people
    means there's a high likelihood
SIGN    DID IT
SIGN    DID IT
SIGN    DID IT
[02:50] ---
    that one of these three
    have already had such an experience!
[02:54] ---
    I-It's only that high
    because the respondents
[02:57] ---
    are the people who read
    this kind of magazine, right?
[03:00] ---
    Oh, you mean "sample selection bias."
[03:03] ---
    Yes, there can't actually be
    that many people.
[03:05] ---
    Right?
[03:08] ---
    Really?
[03:09] ---
    This percentage seems about right to me.
[03:13] ---
    In fact, it's probably low.
[03:15] ---
    Um, I don't even think I need to ask,
[03:18] ---
    but have you had
    that kind of experience, Kaguya?
[03:22] ---
    Yes, the first was a long time ago.
[03:25] ---
    TOWN PAGES
[03:26] ---
    Huh. The area code for Aomori is 017.
    That's surprising.
[03:32] ---
    Isn't that normal
    for most high school students?
[03:35] ---
    You two must not have been raised
    in a loving environment.
[03:40] ---
    M-Maybe I should hurry up
    and get a boyfriend.
[03:40] ---
    The area code for Oshamanbe
    in Hokkaido is 01377... and 013...
[03:45] ---
    But I'm sure Father would never allow it.
[03:47] ---
    Kaguya realizes there's a nervous
    component to their reactions.
[03:51] ---
    When humans realize
    they've gotten a late start
[03:53] ---
    compared to those around them,
    they get nervous.
[03:56] ---
    Then that anxiety makes them
    succumb to the emotional need
[03:59] ---
    of finding a romantic partner. In short...
[04:02] ---
    I'm too late to the party?
[04:05] ---
    I’M FALLING BEHIND?
[04:06] ---
    I HAVE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!
[04:07] ---
    SHINOMIYA, GO OUT WITH ME!
[04:13] ---
    Shinomiya, go out with me!
[04:15] ---
    Confess your love!
[04:16] ---
    Kaguya's objective of the day was decided.
[04:18] ---
    The whole thing is ridiculous!
[04:21] ---
    Oh, President,
    I heard you were very popular.
[04:25] ---
    She instigates.
[04:26] ---
    Don't you have a girlfriend?
[04:28] ---
    She instigates some more!
[04:29] ---
    No, I don't.
[04:32] ---
    I don't have that kind of relationship
    with a particular person. Not right now.
[04:37] ---
    "Not right now"!
[04:38] ---
    An expression that hints
    at the existence of a girlfriend long ago,
[04:41] ---
    but even if he's never gone out
    with anyone, it isn't a lie!
[04:45] ---
    It's an expression loved by people
    the world over, from the young to the elderly!
[04:49] ---
    That's right! Miyuki Shirogane
    has never had a romantic experience!
[04:53] ---
    And yet it can't be said
    that he isn't popular.
[04:56] ---
    In fact, he is quite popular.
[04:59] ---
    Perhaps it should be said
    birds of a feather flock together.
[05:02] ---
    Or perhaps we should consider that
    in many cases, oddballs are drawn to oddballs.
[05:07] ---
    When the trend is only dangerous
    characters being attracted to you,
[05:09] ---
    WHAT IS THIS HAIR?
[05:11] ---
    you won't reach a romantic relationship.
[05:11] ---
    WHAT IS THIS SMOKE?
[05:16] ---
    Why am I so popular?
[05:20] ---
    And so, despite having no experience,
[05:23] ---
    Shirogane was supremely confident
    in his own popularity.
[05:27] ---
    The women must be attracted
    to my overflowing intelligence.
[05:31] ---
    Should I feel guilty?
[05:34] ---
    Yes, this man possesses
    both boundless confidence and pure chastity,
[05:34] ---
    Not right now.
[05:37] ---
    a combination that has made him...
[05:41] ---
    Not right now.
[05:41] ---
    ...a twisted monster virgin!
[05:45] ---
    Oh. Then of course you've done it, right?
[05:46] ---
    But even that monster has a weakness.
[05:50] ---
    MONSTER VIRGIN
[05:50] ---
    He is still a virgin.
[05:55] ---
    It would be easy to lie.
[05:57] ---
    But telling an experienced person
    that I have experience
[06:00] ---
    would be like a movie neophyte claiming
    knowledge about movies to a film buff,
[06:03] ---
    thinking they can trick the person!
[06:05] ---
    Supposing I did lie to her...
[06:07] ---
    I have tons of experience!
[06:08] ---
    You're bragging about it?
[06:10] ---
    Are you that embarrassed
    about having your virginity exposed?
[06:15] ---
    How cute.
[06:17] ---
    She'd see through me!
[06:19] ---
    I-If you're that curious,
    you can always ask me directly.
[06:22] ---
    The best he can do is bluff.
[06:24] ---
    Really?
[06:28] ---
    I know you have a little sister, President,
[06:31] ---
    so you probably
    do it with her all the time.
[06:34] ---
    Oh, that...
[06:36] ---
    Of course not! Are you a moron?
[06:39] ---
    Well, you're family.
[06:40] ---
    I did it to my newborn nephew.
[06:44] ---
    It was videotaped.
[06:46] ---
    You're a loon!
[06:47] ---
    Good times.
[06:50] ---
    It's not good to be excessively afraid
    of physical contact with other people.
[06:55] ---
    I guess that's the dark side
    of modern society.
[06:58] ---
    No, it's you!
[06:59] ---
    You're the dark side of the nobility!
[07:01] ---
    What's so strange?
[07:03] ---
    You must do it a lot to your dog Pesu,
    don't you, Chika?
[07:06] ---
    - You do?
    - No! Please don't drag me into this!
[07:10] ---
    The Shinomiya family upbringing
    is this perverse?
[07:14] ---
    She's so ignorant of the ways of the world
    that she thinks it's common sense?
[07:22] ---
    Shinomiya...
[07:24] ---
    Let me ask you this.
[07:26] ---
    Do you know what it means
    by "first time"?
[07:29] ---
    Please don't make light of me.
[07:32] ---
    As a lady, I know that much.
[07:35] ---
    It's referring to kissing.
[07:42] ---
    Honestly.
[07:44] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya.
[07:46] ---
    As the daughter
    of the owner of a conglomerate,
[07:48] ---
    she's been protected
    from sexual information for 16 years now.
[07:52] ---
    The beginning and end
    of her sexual education was kissing.
[07:56] ---
    ALL ABOUT SEX
    PISTIL STAMEN
    WHEN YOU GET MARRIED,
    LEAVE IT TO THE MAN.
    THE END
[07:56] ---
    Anything more than that
    she picked up from urban legends.
[08:00] ---
    So the stork
    has nothing to do with it, right?
[08:03] ---
    She's a "daughter in a box"
    taken to the extreme!
[08:08] ---
    Naturally, she has no idea
    what "your first time" refers to.
[08:11] ---
    Shinomiya...
[08:12] ---
    President, I'll take this one.
[08:17] ---
    Kaguya...
[08:21] ---
    In this case, "first time" means...
[08:26] ---
    And then...
[08:27] ---
    puts...
[08:29] ---
    in...
[08:30] ---
    After that...
[08:32] ---
    the two...
[08:34] ---
    moving...
[08:36] ---
    like beasts!
[08:38] ---
    MINUTES
[08:39] ---
    LATER
[08:46] ---
    A-After all...
[08:49] ---
    the law is you do that kind of thing
    after you get married!
[08:53] ---
    I thought my heart was gonna stop!
SIGN    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[08:58] ---
    SHINOMIYA LOSES
[08:59] ---
    Today's match...
[08:59] ---
    FOR INCREDIBLE IGNORANCE
    ABOUT SEXUAL KNOWLEDGE
[09:01] ---
    Shinomiya loses.
[09:08] ---
    President, I disapprove
    of illicit intercourse.
[09:13] ---
    So would you go do it to yourself?
[09:31] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO BE FIGURED OUT
[09:32] ---
    It's a quiet night, isn't it?
[09:34] ---
    Yes.
[09:36] ---
    It's Fujiwara's turn to walk Pesu today,
    so she had to go home early.
[09:40] ---
    Pesu! Pesu!
[09:42] ---
    And Ishigami was in and out of here
    before I even noticed.
[09:48] ---
    He gets the perfect attendance award
    in his own way.
[09:56] ---
    You've mellowed out
    since we first started here, Shinomiya.
[10:01] ---
    You mean I've gained weight?
[10:03] ---
    No, "mellow," not "marshmallow."
    Your personality.
[10:05] ---
    Like making small talk.
[10:08] ---
    Yes.
[10:10] ---
    I've been making an effort
    to become slightly more likeable.
[10:15] ---
    That's what it is?
[10:16] ---
    Well, it also helps that I have a better
    understanding of you as a person.
[10:22] ---
    You understand me?
[10:27] ---
    Really?
[10:28] ---
    We've been working together here
    at student council for half a year now.
[10:32] ---
    I think I have
    a pretty good understanding of you.
[10:35] ---
    Then I'll test you.
[10:37] ---
    Test?
[10:39] ---
    Yes, let's test how much
    you really know about me.
[10:45] ---
    Do you know the game "20 Questions"?
[10:49] ---
    20 Questions!
SIGN    EXAMPLE
[10:51] ---
    It's a game in which one player
    gets 20 questions
[10:53] ---
    Is it smaller than my palm?
[10:53] ---
    to guess what the other player
    is thinking of.
[10:55] ---
    Is it edible?
[10:56] ---
    But the player can only ask questions
    that can be answered with a yes or no.
[10:57] ---
    I'm thinking of an eraser.
[11:00] ---
    If the guesser gets it correctly
    within 20 questions, they win.
[11:03] ---
    If they can't, the other person wins.
[11:07] ---
    But if you get 20 questions,
    you can pretty much guess it.
[11:12] ---
    If you really know me, though...
[11:15] ---
    you should be able to guess it
    with half that, ten questions.
[11:18] ---
    I see.
[11:20] ---
    That's fine.
[11:24] ---
    Are you ready?
[11:26] ---
    Yes.
[11:31] ---
    20 CHAMBER BELGIAN REVOLVER
    "HENRION, DASSY, AND HEUSCHEN"
    (BUT ONLY 10 BULLETS LOADED)
[11:32] ---
    Then my first question...
[11:35] ---
    One, is it something that can be touched?
[11:38] ---
    Yes.
[11:39] ---
    It isn't a word or concept.
[11:41] ---
    - Two, is it an electrical appliance?
    - No.
[11:44] ---
    - Three, is it something that's warm or cold?
    - Yes.
[11:51] ---
    Considering her answers,
    it could be a living thing,
[11:53] ---
    WARM-BLOODED
    ANIMAL
[11:54] ---
    FOOD
[11:54] ---
    food, a substance
    like warm water or ice,
[11:55] ---
    BOILING WATER
[11:56] ---
    ICE
[11:58] ---
    a bonfire or some kind
    of temperature control device?
[11:58] ---
    FIRE...
[11:59] ---
    ETC., ETC...
[12:01] ---
    But since this is a test
    of how well I understand Shinomiya,
[12:06] ---
    the answer must be something
    connected to Kaguya Shinomiya.
[12:10] ---
    Therefore...
[12:12] ---
    Four, is it something you own?
[12:16] ---
    No.
[12:17] ---
    Five, is it something you touched today?
[12:20] ---
    No.
[12:21] ---
    Six, is it something that's at your house?
[12:25] ---
    No.
[12:27] ---
    Three noes in a row.
[12:30] ---
    I thought it was something Shinomiya
    possessed, but now I don't know.
[12:35] ---
    I'll explore Shinomiya's psychology
    a little more.
[12:38] ---
    All right.
[12:39] ---
    Seven, is it something you like?
[12:45] ---
    Yes.
[12:50] ---
    What is that expression?
[12:52] ---
    She looks kind of embarrassed or bashful.
[12:57] ---
    Don't tell me.
[13:01] ---
    Eight...
[13:03] ---
    Is it a living thing?
[13:10] ---
    Yes.
[13:12] ---
    It's...
[13:15] ---
    It's me, isn't it?
[13:17] ---
    Calm down! Let's confirm it!
[13:21] ---
    You can touch it.
[13:23] ---
    It isn't an electrical appliance.
[13:24] ---
    It isn't room temperature.
[13:25] ---
    Shinomiya doesn't own it.
[13:28] ---
    She hasn't touched it,
    and of course, it isn't in her house.
[13:31] ---
    It all matches!
[13:33] ---
    And it's something that Shinomiya likes!
[13:37] ---
    Is this...
[13:38] ---
    a roundabout confession of love?
[13:42] ---
    Nine, in what way do you like it?
[13:45] ---
    THUMP THUMP
[13:46] ---
    As a friend? As a human being?
[13:49] ---
    Or something else?
[13:52] ---
    No answer.
[13:54] ---
    I can only answer with a yes or no.
[13:58] ---
    Crap!
[13:59] ---
    I'm so flustered, I wasted a shot!
[14:00] ---
    I've got to calm down.
[14:02] ---
    It's possible
    that the answer is someone else!
[14:07] ---
    Okay.
[14:09] ---
    Ten, is it something
    that's very intelligent, handsome,
[14:14] ---
    with somewhat light-colored hair
    and well-defined eyes?
[14:26] ---
    It's me!
[14:29] ---
    It's me!
[14:31] ---
    It's definitely me!
[14:33] ---
    Jeez, Shinomiya...
[14:36] ---
    What a twisted way to confess your love.
[14:39] ---
    We've been through a lot together, huh?
[14:42] ---
    That's right.
[14:43] ---
    Every time, I understood more
    about the person named Shinomiya.
[14:48] ---
    And...
[14:51] ---
    Huh?
[14:57] ---
    Well, you're out of questions.
[15:01] ---
    Give me your answer.
[15:03] ---
    That's right.
[15:04] ---
    To a certain extent, I understand
    what kind of person Shinomiya is.
[15:09] ---
    At a time like this, she always...
[15:12] ---
    My answer is...
[15:15] ---
    a dog.
[15:19] ---
    Correct.
[15:20] ---
    PESU (DOG)
[15:21] ---
    More precisely,
    Fujiwara's dog, Pesu.
[15:22] ---
    Good boy! Good boy!
    You're so cute!
[15:22] ---
    INTELLIGENT
[15:23] ---
    HANDSOME
[15:23] ---
    HANDSOME
    LIGHT-COLORED HAIR
[15:24] ---
    So shall we
    go home?
[15:24] ---
    HANDSOME
    LIGHT-COLORED HAIR
    WELL-DEFINED EYES
[15:26] ---
    It's getting late, after all.
[15:30] ---
    Right.
[15:35] ---
    The results of today's test...
SIGN    PASS
[15:38] ---
    BECAUSE WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE,
    SHIROGANE UNDERSTOOD SHINOMIYA'S NATURE.
[15:38] ---
    Pass.
[15:43] ---
    I FEEL LIKE PESU REMINDS ME
    OF SOMEONE...
[15:44] ---
    PANT PANT
[15:47] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya is the daughter
    of the Shinomiya family,
[15:51] ---
    which was part of one
    of the old financial combines.
[15:53] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO WALK
[15:53] ---
    Her life was decided when she was born
    or perhaps even before she was born.
[15:59] ---
    For example, this...
[16:04] ---
    2,574 times.
[16:07] ---
    That's the number of times
[16:08] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya has gazed
    out the window on the way to school.
[16:12] ---
    SHINOMIYA
[16:14] ---
    But one day...
[16:15] ---
    A cat?
[16:18] ---
    Yes.
[16:19] ---
    It's lodged itself in there deep
    near the engine.
[16:23] ---
    I'll arrange for another car,
    so if you would wait for a short while...
[16:27] ---
    In that case, I'll just walk there.
[16:30] ---
    At least go with Hayasaka.
[16:32] ---
    I don't mind.
[16:37] ---
    If she waits for me to change clothes,
    she'll be late,
[16:41] ---
    and I think she'll be fine
    going on her own.
[16:43] ---
    There. You see? I'll be fine.
[16:47] ---
    Miss Kaguya!
[16:49] ---
    See you later.
[16:55] ---
    She was slightly out of breath
    as she ran under the refreshing sun.
[17:12] ---
    All right.
[17:14] ---
    I may never get the chance
    to walk to school again.
[17:17] ---
    I have to take advantage
    of this precious opportunity.
[17:20] ---
    So...
[17:21] ---
    I believe the president
    rides his bike to school from Setagaya,
[17:24] ---
    BICYCLE LANE
[17:25] ---
    so he probably takes Meiji Street.
[17:25] ---
    MEIJI STREET
[17:28] ---
    The president always gets to school
    on the late side,
[17:31] ---
    so if I wait on the bridge, I'm sure...
[17:52] ---
    Well, if I don't hurry,
    I'll miss the president.
[18:03] ---
    What's wrong?
[18:06] ---
    If you've got a problem,
    briefly tell me what it is.
[18:11] ---
    The pedestrian crossing!
[18:14] ---
    The pedestrian crossing?
[18:19] ---
    All right, I'll cross with you.
[18:33] ---
    Okay. Would you let go of me now?
[18:37] ---
    There are a lot of pedestrian crossings
    on the way to school!
[18:49] ---
    Before today,
[18:50] ---
    how did you go to school?
[18:53] ---
    With a friend.
[18:56] ---
    Yeti always held my hand
    when we crossed.
[18:59] ---
    The Abominable Snowman?
[19:01] ---
    Her name is Ienaga,
    so her nickname is Yeti.
[19:05] ---
    But now that we're in the upper grades,
[19:07] ---
    she said there's no more
    group walking to school.
[19:09] ---
    So now, I'm on my own.
[19:18] ---
    WAAAH WAAAH
[19:20] ---
    Her thinking is still totally lower grade.
[19:23] ---
    I had a better head on my shoulders
    even when I was in the lower grades.
[19:32] ---
    I don't want to be alone!
[19:34] ---
    I want to be with everyone else!
[19:41] ---
    Listen.
[19:43] ---
    Just because going to school in a group
    is officially over,
[19:45] ---
    that doesn't mean
    you have to walk to school by yourself.
[19:51] ---
    You should meet up somewhere
    with your friend
[19:54] ---
    or pick her up at her house
    and walk together.
[19:57] ---
    Right?
[19:59] ---
    You're smart! Are you a genius?
[20:03] ---
    What can I say?
[20:05] ---
    Mikiti!
[20:07] ---
    Yeti!
[20:10] ---
    Well, you're fine now, right?
[20:12] ---
    Go on.
[20:13] ---
    Right!
[20:16] ---
    Bye-bye, genius girl!
[20:20] ---
    Good morning! Surprised to see me?
[20:22] ---
    Good morning! You did surprise me!
[20:25] ---
    - Let's go to school together!
    - Yeah!
[20:28] ---
    Well, where am I?
[20:36] ---
    Eight twenty-five.
[20:38] ---
    I'm going to be late.
[20:41] ---
    If they find out I was late,
[20:43] ---
    I'll never be allowed
    to go to school on my own again.
[20:51] ---
    I wanted to try doing it even just once.
[21:01] ---
    Going to school with someone...
[21:11] ---
    President?
[21:12] ---
    Shinomiya?
[21:13] ---
    What are you doing here?
[21:15] ---
    The bell's gonna ring!
[21:17] ---
    You, too. President, are you going to be—
[21:19] ---
    I'm not late yet!
[21:21] ---
    I've never been late yet!
[21:23] ---
    You're the problem, Shinomiya!
[21:25] ---
    If you walk, you'll definitely be late!
[21:28] ---
    If a member of the Shuchiin
    Student Council is late,
[21:29] ---
    it sets a bad example!
[21:32] ---
    Hop on the back!
[21:33] ---
    We've gotta fly!
[21:35] ---
    Being late is bad,
    but two people on a bike is okay?
[21:37] ---
    Be quiet!
    When it comes to student council,
[21:39] ---
    school rules take priority
    over traffic rules!
[22:04] ---
    Days later...
[22:05] ---
    Kaguya has returned to her usual routine
    of going to school by car.
[22:11] ---
    - Can I go to your house, Yeti?
    - Sure! Come over!
[22:13] ---
    But sometimes...
[22:16] ---
    she remembers that one day and smiles.
[23:52] ---
    Go back to the forest.

Season 1

E4 - Kaguya Wants Affection - The Student Council Wants To Make Each Other Say It - Kaguya Wants To Make Him Send It - Shirogane Miyuki Wants To Speak

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Meow.
[00:02] ---
    Is that right?
[00:05] ---
    See? That's cute!
[00:07] ---
    Yes. Cat ears are your time, Fujiwara,
    as to Shinomiya is me.
[00:11] ---
    I know, right?
[00:16] ---
    In other words,
[00:17] ---
    the time you brought was originally
    Shinomiya and cat ears alone.
[00:23] ---
    You're scaring me!
[00:24] ---
    Cat ears and girls!
[00:26] ---
    Mutualism!
[00:28] ---
    There are relationships in this world
    that are naturally symbiotic.
[00:33] ---
    Clovers and honeybees!
[00:35] ---
    Crocodiles and hummingbirds!
[00:36] ---
    Avocados and soy sauce!
[00:39] ---
    And cats...
[00:40] ---
    Cats, which a great majority
    of humans love.
[00:43] ---
    And here we have Kaguya Shinomiya,
    a graceful girl.
[00:48] ---
    How will the compatibility
    of those two things be reflected in him?
[00:52] ---
    Cute!
[00:53] ---
    MIRACULOUS COMPATIBILITY (MARRIAGE)
[00:54] ---
    A marriage!
[02:27] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS AFFECTION
[02:27] ---
    Is it really necessary to cosplay
    for the welcome party?
[02:29] ---
    FRENCH EXCHANGE STUDENT
    WELCOME SCHEDULE
[02:31] ---
    Yes!
[02:32] ---
    France is the biggest cosplaying nation
    right after Japan.
[02:35] ---
    With cosplaying, you don't need words.
[02:37] ---
    There's no better way
    to overcome the language barrier
[02:40] ---
    and deepen our friendship!
[02:42] ---
    But still...
[02:43] ---
    What do you think, President?
[02:45] ---
    Cute!
[02:47] ---
    MIRACULOUS COMPATIBILITY (MARRIAGE)
[02:47] ---
    A marriage!
[02:51] ---
    Well...
[02:53] ---
    Cute!
[02:53] ---
    Not bad, I guess.
[02:56] ---
    No good! Whenever I look at Shinomiya,
    my face tenses up!
[03:00] ---
    I need to calm down and look normal!
[03:05] ---
    That's a scary look!
[03:07] ---
    Not much of a reaction.
[03:10] ---
    It looks like this kind of thing
    doesn't suit me.
[03:13] ---
    It'd probably look better on someone
    with more charm, like Miss Fujiwara.
[03:14] ---
    Wh-What is it?
[03:16] ---
    What's what?
[03:19] ---
    You wear a pair, too, President.
[03:22] ---
    Meow.
[03:23] ---
    MEOW
[03:25] ---
    How can I put it? Um...
[03:27] ---
    Pointless.
[03:28] ---
    You don't hold back, do you?
[03:31] ---
    You knew beforehand
    that this wouldn't look good on me.
[03:35] ---
    True!
[03:39] ---
    Cuuute!
[03:41] ---
    MIRACULOUS COMPATIBILITY (MARRIAGE)
[03:42] ---
    A marriage!
[03:43] ---
    What? The president just has cat ears on!
[03:46] ---
    The reaction of others aside,
    it was a perfect combo in Kaguya's mind!
[03:51] ---
    What should I do?
    I can't get my mouth to stop smiling!
[03:55] ---
    It'll be obvious to him
    that I think he looks cute!
[03:59] ---
    What's wrong, Shinomiya?
[04:00] ---
    Since it's come to this...
[04:03] ---
    Oh, it's nothing.
[04:05] ---
    Skill... Biting one's tongue!
[04:10] ---
    But that's not a perfect method.
[04:13] ---
    GRIN GRIN
[04:13] ---
    A half-grin remained on her face.
[04:15] ---
    SHIVER SHIVER
[04:16] ---
    What's the smirk for, Shinomiya?
[04:18] ---
    Is there something
    you'd like to say about my cat ears?
[04:21] ---
    No, not at all.
[04:21] ---
    GRIN GRIN
[04:23] ---
    They look...
[04:25] ---
    very good on you.
[04:27] ---
    That expression!
[04:29] ---
    As if looking at a bug!
[04:31] ---
    Does it mean I look so terrible
    that I barely qualify as human?
[04:34] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    let's take a photo of the president.
[04:38] ---
    Good idea!
[04:40] ---
    We have to preserve this moment
    for future generations.
[04:45] ---
    She means for extortion!
[04:47] ---
    She'll put it away and use it
    as a bargaining chip someday!
[04:50] ---
    Forget about it!
[04:51] ---
    Don't be like that.
[04:53] ---
    Kaguya, you, too.
[04:54] ---
    Me, too?
[04:55] ---
    Shinomiya, too?
[04:57] ---
    If she takes my photo,
    she'll have me by the short hairs.
[05:00] ---
    But...
[05:01] ---
    at the same time, I'll legally be able
    to obtain a cute photo of her like this!
[05:05] ---
    A balanced scale!
[05:07] ---
    BALANCED SCALE
[05:07] ---
    The weight of the merit
    and demerit are the same!
[05:15] ---
    If you're going to take it,
    do it now, Fujiwara!
[05:17] ---
    Shirogane chooses the cute side.
[05:20] ---
    A side he would normally never choose!
[05:23] ---
    O-Oh. Take it with the 4K thing!
[05:26] ---
    R-Right!
[05:27] ---
    Damn it! She's even cuter
    when I'm standing right next to her!
[05:30] ---
    The muscles in my face are stiffening!
[05:33] ---
    I can't believe that looks so good on him.
[05:35] ---
    No! My mouth is smiling by itself again!
[05:38] ---
    C-Could both of you
    give me a cheerful smile?
[05:42] ---
    - I can't!
    - I can't!
[05:44] ---
    I want to get closer to his cuteness!
[05:47] ---
    I have to burn this image into my memory
    from a shorter distance!
[05:50] ---
    Why are you glaring at each other?
[05:52] ---
    If you're going to fight,
    I'm going to confiscate these!
[05:53] ---
    NAB
[06:02] ---
    What was I doing?
[06:05] ---
    I feel like I was possessed.
[06:07] ---
    Scary!
[06:09] ---
    CAT EARS ARE SCARY
[06:10] ---
    - Cat ears are scary!
    - Cat ears are scary!
[06:12] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    FUJIWARA LOSES
[06:12] ---
    Results of today's match...
[06:15] ---
    Fujiwara loses.
[06:15] ---
    HENCEFORTH, ALL MEMBERS
    OF STUDENT COUNCIL
    ARE BANNED FROM WEARING CAT EARS
[06:24] ---
    Um, the welcome party is next Monday.
[06:27] ---
    Other than making decorations, we need
    to go shopping for souvenir sweets.
[06:27] ---
    THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    WANTS IT TO BE SAID
[06:32] ---
    We probably need two people for that.
[06:34] ---
    We'll need a few other things, too,
[06:36] ---
    and enough for all of the participants,
    so that's a lot of stuff.
[06:40] ---
    Which means giving up our day off
    to go shopping.
[06:42] ---
    What a pain.
[06:44] ---
    Boy, what a pain.
[06:46] ---
    Who'd wanna do that?
[06:48] ---
    You know, Shinomiya?
[06:50] ---
    Well, true.
[06:53] ---
    We'll be in trouble
    if no one wants to do it.
[06:56] ---
    Well, if it's really necessary, I could do it.
[06:56] ---
    FIDGET FIDGET
[06:59] ---
    Oh!
[07:00] ---
    Why don't we play a game,
    and the losers have to go?
[07:04] ---
    - A game?
    - A game?
[07:05] ---
    Yes! The banned word game!
[07:08] ---
    THE BANNED WORD GAME
[07:08] ---
    The banned word game.
[07:11] ---
    Yes!
[07:12] ---
    Here's an example!
[07:14] ---
    I write a word like this
    and pass it to the person on my right.
[07:18] ---
    Hold it up and don't look at it.
[07:20] ---
    SIMPLE
[07:21] ---
    That's the word that person can't say.
[07:24] ---
    I get it. So you don't know
    what your own banned word is.
[07:28] ---
    Simple.
[07:29] ---
    You're out!
[07:32] ---
    Okay, let's do it for real!
[07:38] ---
    I pass it to the person on my right.
[07:41] ---
    In that case...
[07:42] ---
    I should write a word
    that Fujiwara would be likely to say.
[07:46] ---
    But the second and third place people
    will go shopping.
[07:48] ---
    FIRST PLACE DOESN'T GO
    SECOND AND THIRD PLACE GO
[07:50] ---
    Well, a man is needed
    for the physical labor,
[07:51] ---
    STRONGER
    (THAN WOMEN)
[07:52] ---
    while no one knows more
    about traditional sweets than Shinomiya.
[07:52] ---
    CERTIFIED TEA EXPERT
    KNOWLEDGEABLE
[07:56] ---
    It's just a matter of efficiency.
[07:58] ---
    Therefore, I need to let Fujiwara win
    while I beat Shinomiya.
[08:02] ---
    FIRST PLACE: FUJIWARA
    SECOND PLACE: ME
    THIRD PLACE: SHINOMIYA
[08:05] ---
    CHECK-IT-OUT
[08:05] ---
    I'm sure Fujiwara would never say this!
[08:08] ---
    I'll win for sure!
[08:10] ---
    CHECK-IT-OUT
[08:11] ---
    All right, are we ready?
[08:20] ---
    Yo, yo, let's get started, yo!
[08:23] ---
    Fujiwara?
[08:25] ---
    When I play da banned word game,
[08:27] ---
    people always be choosin' words n' phrases
    I be sayin', but not now, yo!
[08:31] ---
    I be changin' da way I speak,
    so my words be different, yo! Too bad, man!
[08:36] ---
    No!
[08:38] ---
    Don't look at her!
    I don't want her to lose!
[08:41] ---
    Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
[08:41] ---
    Crap, she'll end up saying, "check-it-out."
[08:44] ---
    Kaguya, what ya think your word is, yo?
[08:48] ---
    Say "Hooo!"
[08:51] ---
    Say "Hooo!"
[08:54] ---
    Say "Hooo"...
[08:59] ---
    That's childish!
[09:00] ---
    There's a surefire way to win this game.
[09:02] ---
    That's by not talking at all!
[09:05] ---
    Say "Yay!" Say "Yay!"
[09:07] ---
    Shinomiya...
[09:07] ---
    Say "Yay!"
[09:09] ---
    We won't get anywhere like that.
[09:11] ---
    At the bare minimum,
    speak enough to make it a conversation.
[09:15] ---
    If you insist.
[09:17] ---
    Fine.
[09:18] ---
    Inevitable behavior.
[09:18] ---
    INEVITABLE BEHAVIOR
[09:20] ---
    "That person would do this."
    "This person would say this."
[09:25] ---
    This game produces a situation that draws
    the designated word out of your opponent.
[09:28] ---
    But how am I going to get her
    to say that banned word?
[09:29] ---
    LOVE
[09:32] ---
    My instinct is telling me, "You've spent
    half a year trying to get her to say that!
[09:34] ---
    It's impossible!"
[09:35] ---
    LOVE
[09:37] ---
    But wait!
[09:38] ---
    I can steer the conversation towards
    something that Shinomiya loves doing.
[09:42] ---
    Fujiwara,
[09:43] ---
    is there something you hate?
[09:45] ---
    Shirogane passed
    the word "hate" on to Fujiwara,
[09:47] ---
    a word that can easily
    be connected to "love."
[09:51] ---
    What I hate?
[09:53] ---
    Let's see.
[09:55] ---
    People often tell me I'm not good
    at reading a situation, yo.
[10:02] ---
    But they also say that's a good thing, yo.
[10:06] ---
    But when they talk about love and stuff,
    they don't include me!
[10:11] ---
    They say I'd be sure
    to step on a land mine!
[10:13] ---
    That's sound judgment.
[10:16] ---
    When I think about making problems
    for people without even realizing it,
[10:19] ---
    it makes me sad.
[10:22] ---
    That's what I hate.
[10:26] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[10:33] ---
    I've never thought
    you've caused problems for me.
[10:36] ---
    In fact,
[10:37] ---
    there are many people who've been helped
    by your straightforwardness.
[10:41] ---
    Kaguya...
[10:44] ---
    Really?
[10:45] ---
    You don't hate me?
[10:48] ---
    Well, I mean... I...
[10:52] ---
    love you.
[10:54] ---
    You're out, yo!
[10:57] ---
    LOVE
[11:00] ---
    Inevitable behavior!
[11:02] ---
    When all is said and done,
    it was inevitable...
[11:05] ---
    that caring Kaguya would try
    to comfort a depressed Fujiwara!
[11:07] ---
    Fujiwara read that.
[11:11] ---
    That was nasty!
[11:12] ---
    Was all that a lie?
[11:15] ---
    It wasn't a lie, but a bluff, yo!
[11:18] ---
    Of course people would include me
    in conversations about love interests, yo!
[11:22] ---
    Since we've gotten this far,
    the rest should be easy.
[11:25] ---
    I'll lose automatically by letting
    my guard down and following her lead.
[11:28] ---
    She's got everything she needs to win.
[11:31] ---
    But...
[11:32] ---
    Hey, when it rains, it pours, yo!
[11:32] ---
    was that the truth?
[11:33] ---
    She said it was a bluff,
[11:35] ---
    but a bluff has power because
    it's a pinch of a lie mixed with truth.
[11:35] ---
    It must be nice, having no troubles.
[11:38] ---
    If that's the case,
    how much of it was a lie?
[11:42] ---
    When Fujiwara was speaking
    about feeling alienated,
[11:44] ---
    were those words and her eyes all lies?
[11:48] ---
    If it's possible that they weren't...
[11:52] ---
    then, I'm playing this game wrong.
[11:56] ---
    I can't stand the idea of hurting others
    for the sake of my own self-interest.
[12:00] ---
    That's my credo,
    and this situation relates to it.
[12:03] ---
    Prioritizing my own circumstances
    and purposely losing...
[12:06] ---
    That would be self-interest
    and truly alienate her!
[12:09] ---
    The idea of going out shopping
    with Shinomiya may be appealing,
[12:12] ---
    but...
[12:13] ---
    I can't betray my own conviction!
[12:17] ---
    Fujiwara...
[12:20] ---
    I'm going to get serious here!
[12:23] ---
    You're out, yo!
[12:27] ---
    Yes! I beat the president, too!
[12:29] ---
    Yay! Yay!
[12:30] ---
    Inevitable behavior.
[12:32] ---
    An action a person would necessarily take
    given certain circumstances.
[12:33] ---
    SERIOUS
[12:37] ---
    And predicting that
    is the essential point of the game.
[12:42] ---
    Shopping, huh?
[12:44] ---
    Well, we lost,
    so I guess we can't complain.
[12:47] ---
    The banned word game is a game that
    demands understanding of your opponents.
[12:54] ---
    Ah, dammit.
[12:56] ---
    I lost.
[12:57] ---
    We're going to buy the souvenirs.
[12:58] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    UTTER DEFEAT FOR SHIROGANE
[12:59] ---
    Results of today's match...
    Utter defeat for Shirogane.
[13:00] ---
    All right! I'm looking forward
    to seeing what you get, yo!
[13:01] ---
    THE HEART THROBBING
    SHOPPING ARC CONTINUES
[13:04] ---
    CHECK-IT-OUT
[13:05] ---
    "Check-it-out"?
[13:08] ---
    The president said we'd talk
    about shopping after he got back.
[13:12] ---
    Oh.
[13:13] ---
    The day he bought a smartphone,
[13:15] ---
    we exchanged e-mail addresses
    and phone numbers.
[13:18] ---
    But I've been waiting and waiting,
    and he still hasn't contacted me!
[13:21] ---
    He has no intention
    of sending me a message first!
[13:24] ---
    "President, I'm looking forward
    to tomorrow—"
[13:27] ---
    What are you doing?
[13:29] ---
    Well, I thought
    I'd send a text on your behalf.
[13:31] ---
    Don't! I'm not sending the first text!
[13:32] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS HIM TO SEND IT
[13:35] ---
    All this beating around the bush...
[13:37] ---
    Lady Kaguya, you're in love
    with President Shirogane, aren't you?
[13:42] ---
    I have feelings for the president.
[13:47] ---
    Then...
[13:48] ---
    But I'm only interested
    because he's got the elements I lack.
[13:55] ---
    It's definitely not love.
[13:57] ---
    Then, what if the secretary started
    dating President Shirogane?
[14:04] ---
    Well?
[14:06] ---
    You've got it wrong!
[14:07] ---
    I wouldn't want the president
    to take Miss Fujiwara away from me!
[14:10] ---
    Despite appearances,
    she's my dear friend.
[14:14] ---
    From: Fujiwara
    Subject: Octopus
    Look! A live octopus!!
[14:19] ---
    She's your dear friend, right?
[14:20] ---
    If it weighs on your mind that much,
[14:22] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[14:24] ---
    instead of a text, why not call?
[14:26] ---
    C-Call?
[14:28] ---
    He's expecting a text.
[14:30] ---
    Exploit that carelessness,
    and attack this way!
[14:33] ---
    Carelessness? Attack?
[14:36] ---
    It's the perfect plan.
[14:38] ---
    Before Lady Kaguya quibbles about it,
    click-click there.
[14:41] ---
    Here you go.
[14:43] ---
    Wait! I'm not mentally prepared!
[14:46] ---
    SHIROGANE
[14:46] ---
    RINGING
[14:48] ---
    Hello?
[14:50] ---
    This is Shinomiya.
[14:52] ---
    President, is that you?
[14:53] ---
    I'm Miyuki's father.
[14:58] ---
    U-Um, is the president...
    I mean, is Shirogane there?
[15:03] ---
    I am Shirogane.
[15:05] ---
    No, I mean...
[15:06] ---
    i-is Miyuki there?
[15:09] ---
    Oh, my son?
[15:10] ---
    Miyuki! A girl's on the phone for you!
[15:14] ---
    A girl's calling for him?
[15:16] ---
    Wha... You don't answer
    another person's cell phone, Dad!
[15:22] ---
    It's me.
[15:24] ---
    It's Shinomiya.
[15:25] ---
    Oh, Shinomiya?
[15:27] ---
    I was calling about the plan for tomorrow.
[15:30] ---
    Is now okay?
[15:32] ---
    Sure.
[15:33] ---
    I'm in the tub, but that's fine.
[15:35] ---
    The tub?
[15:36] ---
    Then he's naked, huh?
[15:39] ---
    Lady Kaguya, right now you're talking
    to someone who's completely exposed.
[15:41] ---
    It's muffled on your end.
[15:43] ---
    I-I'll call you back!
[15:45] ---
    No problem.
[15:47] ---
    My phone is waterproof.
[15:49] ---
    There is a problem.
[15:52] ---
    How about we meet tomorrow
    at 11 am in front of Hachiko?
[15:55] ---
    Okay.
[15:55] ---
    We'll buy the sweets, then go to Hands.
[15:58] ---
    I guess that's about it.
[15:59] ---
    Right.
[16:00] ---
    STRETCH OUT THE CONVERSATION MORE
[16:01] ---
    Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
[16:03] ---
    Yes.
[16:04] ---
    Shinomiya—
[16:07] ---
    What? What were you about to say?
[16:14] ---
    I'm going to sleep.
[16:17] ---
    FROM: SHIROGANE
    I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
    AS YOU HUNG UP THE PHONE
[16:21] ---
    LOOKS LIKE TONIGHT WILL GET PRETTY COLD,
    SO BE WARM AND GO TO SLEEP
    GOOD NIGHT
[16:24] ---
    Good for you. Your first text.
[16:27] ---
    Results of today's match... Kaguya wins.
[16:27] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    KAGUYA WINS
[16:34] ---
    THE NEXT DAY
[16:37] ---
    It seems Shibuya Station is flooded.
[16:41] ---
    I'm going.
[16:42] ---
    The president is waiting for me.
[16:46] ---
    I have to go!
[16:47] ---
    There's no way he's there.
[16:53] ---
    A text canceling our plans...
[16:55] ---
    But it's the first text
    Shinomiya has sent me, right?
[16:59] ---
    So I'll call that a win for today.
[17:03] ---
    Thankfully, my phone is waterproof.
[17:04] ---
    THE END OF THE HEART THROBBING
    SHOPPING ARC
[17:08] ---
    TOOK 30 MINUTES
    TO SEND THE CANCELLATION TEXT.
[17:14] ---
    FRENCH FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS
    WELCOME PARTY
[17:16] ---
    We got it ready in time!
[17:18] ---
    Good work, everyone!
[17:20] ---
    Headmaster, next time,
    please don't tell us so last-minute.
[17:21] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS TO TALK
[17:25] ---
    Understood!
[17:27] ---
    Well, everyone, have a good time!
[17:32] ---
    Can you speak French, Shinomiya?
[17:34] ---
    No. Not very well.
[17:37] ---
    How about you, President?
[17:42] ---
    I AM MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[17:46] ---
    You're not the president for nothing.
[17:47] ---
    I just prepared by studying the handbook.
[17:56] ---
    U-Um...
[18:10] ---
    Liar!
[18:17] ---
    You can speak French?
[18:19] ---
    Yes!
[18:20] ---
    My mom is a former diplomat,
[18:22] ---
    so ever since I was little, she drummed
    various languages into my head.
[18:26] ---
    Wait a second.
[18:28] ---
    Am I the only person here
    who can't speak French?
[18:32] ---
    COMPLETELY ISOLATED
[18:33] ---
    He's completely isolated!
[18:35] ---
    Wh-Wh-What should I do?
[18:36] ---
    If they figure out
    I'm the only one who doesn't speak it...
[18:40] ---
    President of student council
    of a Japanese school can't speak French?
[18:43] ---
    Maybe he's just dumb.
[18:51] ---
    HOW CUTE...
[18:54] ---
    This is bad, bad for my heart.
[18:57] ---
    Shirogane...
[18:59] ---
    why do you think I suddenly asked you
    to prepare a party?
[19:04] ---
    I must determine...
[19:05] ---
    whether you're truly someone
    to whom this academy can be entrusted.
[19:09] ---
    The real test begins now.
[19:13] ---
    Betsy...
[19:15] ---
    Yes.
[19:16] ---
    No need to go easy on him.
[19:18] ---
    Make mincemeat out of Miyuki Shirogane
    with everything you've got.
[19:23] ---
    Are you sure?
[19:24] ---
    Betsy Beltoise, the vice-president
    of the French school's student council.
[19:29] ---
    Her nickname is "The Wound-licking Razor."
[19:29] ---
    THE WOUND-LICKING RAZOR
[19:31] ---
    No one has ever been impervious
    to her verbal attack.
[19:32] ---
    VERBAL ATTACK
[19:40] ---
    Hey.
[19:43] ---
    Betsy's sarcasm is like punching
    someone you've just met in the face.
[19:50] ---
    Next, she provokes him as if simultaneously
    insulting his parents and lover.
[19:58] ---
    On top of that,
    she diminishes his character
[20:01] ---
    in a way that would make
    a man in his sixties break down in tears.
[20:07] ---
    THAT'S IT!
[20:08] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane!
[20:10] ---
    He smiles confidently in the face
    of that merciless verbal onslaught?
[20:14] ---
    I'd be throwing up
    while bowing down on the ground!
[20:18] ---
    You'd think he couldn't comprehend
    what she was saying!
[20:22] ---
    My verbal assault isn't getting through!
[20:25] ---
    That's impossible!
[20:27] ---
    Betsy unleashes even stronger invective
    against Shirogane.
[20:40] ---
    What was that?
[20:42] ---
    You...
[20:43] ---
    Oh, sorry.
    You don't understand Japanese, do you?
[20:56] ---
    Kaguya menaces Betsy with language that'd
    get the attention of the Broadcasting Code.
[21:08] ---
    Shinomiya?
[21:09] ---
    P-President!
[21:11] ---
    Don't get the wrong idea! That was...
[21:13] ---
    She... She's going to kill me!
[21:16] ---
    I'm sorry. I-It's okay.
[21:19] ---
    Japanese high school girls are scary!
[21:22] ---
    Oh, what did I do?
[21:24] ---
    Exhibition match. The Japanese school won.
[21:24] ---
    EXHIBITION MATCH
    THE JAPANESE SCHOOL WON
[21:34] ---
    I bet you look down on me now.
[21:37] ---
    After being so foul-mouthed...
[21:41] ---
    This is like the old me.
[21:45] ---
    Like I said at the beginning,
    I skimmed the French handbook.
[21:49] ---
    I couldn't have caught what you said.
[21:51] ---
    So, I have no idea
    what you were saying to her.
[21:55] ---
    I just know you were mad
    because she was badmouthing me.
[22:02] ---
    Thank you.
[22:03] ---
    President!
[22:05] ---
    That's one thing I...
[22:10] ---
    ...about you.
[22:13] ---
    What?
[22:14] ---
    What did you say?
[22:16] ---
    It's a secret.
[22:17] ---
    Hey, don't do that to me!
[22:19] ---
    It only makes me wanna know more!
[22:20] ---
    A secret is a secret.
[22:22] ---
    What did you say?
[22:22] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:22] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    BOTH WINNERS
[22:23] ---
    It wasn't in French.
[22:24] ---
    Both winners.
[22:25] ---
    - In Latin?
    - No.
[22:25] ---
    BECAUSE THEY SHOWED
    EACH OTHER THEIR WEAKNESS
[22:26] ---
    - In Yiddish?
    - No.
[22:28] ---
    - In Finnish?
    - No.

Season 1

E5 - Kaguya Wants to Handle It - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Show Off - Kaguya Wants to Be Covered

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    The seasonal uniform change!
[00:04] ---
    It's been so muggy lately, you know?
[00:06] ---
    Even just changing into short sleeves
    feels much more comfortable.
[00:09] ---
    Right.
[01:46] ---
    RESPONSIBILITY AND DUTY
[01:47] ---
    Relationship advice?
[01:49] ---
    Yes! I don't know what to do.
[01:53] ---
    But I heard that the student council
    gives advice for that kind of thing, too.
[01:54] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO HANDLE IT
[01:57] ---
    You're the only one I can count on,
    Miss Kaguya!
[02:00] ---
    Understood.
[02:02] ---
    The president here often says
    that lending an ear to the students' troubles
[02:06] ---
    is also a duty of the student council.
[02:09] ---
    So,
[02:10] ---
    what's the trouble?
[02:13] ---
    I want to know how to break up
    smoothly with my boyfriend.
[02:19] ---
    I thought it would be
    two or three steps before that point!
[02:25] ---
    Advice about having a boyfriend.
[02:28] ---
    You're really popular, and I'm sure
    you know a lot about love!
[02:31] ---
    But I've never even gone out with anyone,
    so how could I possibly answer that?
[02:32] ---
    I knew I could come to you
    for a great idea!
[02:38] ---
    Her expectations are too high!
[02:39] ---
    But Shinomiya gave romantic advice once,
[02:43] ---
    so there's no way
    I can tell her it's beyond me!
[02:45] ---
    I'll just have to get through it somehow!
[02:47] ---
    Why do you want to break up?
[02:49] ---
    Actually, he suddenly asked me out.
[02:53] ---
    Bam!
[02:55] ---
    I said, "Okay" on the spur of the moment,
[02:58] ---
    but I didn't really know him.
[03:00] ---
    And I don't really know
    how to communicate with him either.
[03:03] ---
    In fact, there's more distance
    between us now than before.
[03:06] ---
    I feel guilty about it,
[03:08] ---
    so if it's going to be like this, I figured
    maybe we're better off just breaking up.
[03:15] ---
    I see.
[03:17] ---
    Until just before,
    you were strangers to each other.
[03:19] ---
    So I can see where you're coming from.
[03:23] ---
    You don't hate him, though, do you?
[03:25] ---
    Of course not. But I don't know
    if what I feel for him is love.
[03:31] ---
    Why don't you start
    by telling me his good points?
[03:36] ---
    What I like about him?
[03:37] ---
    Yes. Everyone has strong points
    or something that's cute about them.
[03:42] ---
    For example, he's honest
    or he does well academically.
[03:47] ---
    Maybe he studies hard
    or he's actually really kind
[03:51] ---
    and can't turn his back
    on someone who's in trouble.
[03:55] ---
    Maybe he has a menacing look.
[03:58] ---
    A menacing look is a drawback.
[04:00] ---
    No! Being bothered
    by your own menacing look is cute!
[04:05] ---
    You like boys who have menacing looks?
[04:08] ---
    Forget I said that.
[04:09] ---
    The only person around you
    with a menacing look that I can think of...
[04:13] ---
    That's the wrong idea.
    Now let's continue.
[04:16] ---
    If you find one good thing about him
    and start to appreciate that,
[04:21] ---
    you'll soon be able to see
    many of his good points,
[04:23] ---
    and the next thing you know,
    you're unable to take your eyes off of him.
[04:27] ---
    And if you see him every day...
[04:28] ---
    little by little, you'll fall in love.
[04:33] ---
    That's what an acquaintance told me!
[04:34] ---
    I'm not talking about me!
[04:36] ---
    Really?
[04:38] ---
    It's really not about me!
[04:40] ---
    Because there isn't anyone
    I'm in love with!
[04:42] ---
    But the way you said it...
[04:44] ---
    I overheard!
[04:46] ---
    Miss Fujiwara?
[04:48] ---
    It's no fair to have girls' talk without me!
[04:51] ---
    Please leave an issue like that
    to Love Detective Chika!
[04:53] ---
    LOVE DETECTIVE CHIKA
[04:56] ---
    Why are you breathing hard?
[04:58] ---
    Actually, I was here from the beginning,
[05:01] ---
    but made a mad dash to the drama club
    to borrow this costume.
[05:05] ---
    You're in a quandary, because you can't
    find your feelings for him.
[05:08] ---
    Right?
[05:10] ---
    Yes.
[05:11] ---
    Then this great detective will find
    that lost property called "love"
[05:14] ---
    and return it to you.
[05:17] ---
    So, imagine him flirting with another girl.
[05:22] ---
    What is this?
[05:24] ---
    Just try to imagine it.
[05:33] ---
    Gloomy.
[05:33] ---
    GLOOMY...
[05:35] ---
    Grrr.
[05:35] ---
    GRRR GRRR
[05:39] ---
    I didn't like that feeling.
[05:41] ---
    Right?
[05:42] ---
    In other words, that's jealousy.
[05:44] ---
    You don't like that image
    because you like him.
[05:49] ---
    The more unpleasant the feeling,
    the deeper the love!
[05:53] ---
    Love?
[05:55] ---
    So, you also like him, Miss Kashiwagi.
[05:56] ---
    No, there's no way.
[05:58] ---
    I don't feel that way about the president,
    right? I mean, come on.
[06:00] ---
    You should take that feeling
    and nurture it.
[06:03] ---
    I see.
[06:04] ---
    I suspected myself of being a cold person
    for not being able to fall in love with someone
[06:08] ---
    who went as far as professing
    his love for me.
[06:11] ---
    But...
[06:12] ---
    you're right! I actually do love him!
[06:15] ---
    It's like she was talked into it!
[06:18] ---
    What should I do
    to talk to him more naturally?
[06:21] ---
    I have to give
    more appropriate advice, too!
[06:25] ---
    Good question.
[06:26] ---
    Cognitive balance.
[06:28] ---
    You can probably use
    the Romeo and Juliet effect.
[06:32] ---
    - Romeo and Juliet?
    - Romeo and Juliet?
[06:34] ---
    Romeo and Juliet's love faced obstacles.
[06:37] ---
    The idea is that love deepens
[06:41] ---
    when a couple shares
    a powerful enemy they face.
[06:44] ---
    A powerful enemy?
[06:47] ---
    It doesn't have to be a person.
[06:49] ---
    A shared imaginary enemy is fine.
[06:51] ---
    We don't have an enemy like that.
[06:53] ---
    Oh no! Everyone has
    a powerful enemy they have to face!
[06:58] ---
    Wh-Who?
[07:00] ---
    It's...
[07:02] ---
    this society!
[07:04] ---
    Society?
[07:05] ---
    Unending war! The ever-expanding gap
    between rich and poor!
[07:08] ---
    There are no enemies
    more powerful than that!
[07:08] ---
    Wait. It should be something minor
    like entrance exams or everyday troubles.
[07:12] ---
    I-I see! So the two of us
    should rebel against this corrupt society!
[07:17] ---
    That's a large-scale challenge!
[07:19] ---
    Understood!
    The two of us will prepare!
[07:22] ---
    Good luck!
[07:23] ---
    Wait! Hold on!
[07:26] ---
    Will it be okay? Did we just create
    two antisocial deviants?
[07:32] ---
    It'll be fine!
[07:36] ---
    Please donate to the fund!
[07:40] ---
    Please!
[07:41] ---
    Please donate to the fund!
[07:44] ---
    It seems they were both
    already interested in charity work.
[07:45] ---
    Please!
[07:48] ---
    This has become a good opportunity.
[07:51] ---
    The feeling of wishing for peace...
[07:53] ---
    That may be the true meaning
    of rebelling against society.
[07:57] ---
    What are you talking about?
[08:00] ---
    So, her boyfriend is the one
    who went to the president for advice.
[08:10] ---
    President?
[08:12] ---
    Shinomiya!
[08:14] ---
    Why are you here with them?
[08:16] ---
    Oh, I applied to do
    off-campus fundraising activities.
[08:21] ---
    Please donate to the fund!
[08:22] ---
    Well, when I saw those two who don't seem
    to be doing it on a whim or as a pastime,
[08:25] ---
    Please!
[08:26] ---
    who are inexperienced but eager...
[08:28] ---
    Please donate to the fund!
[08:30] ---
    it made me feel like supporting them
    even if it's not much.
[08:31] ---
    Please!
[08:34] ---
    Jeez.
[08:34] ---
    Please donate to the fund!
[08:35] ---
    This kind of activity
    really isn't up my alley, though.
[08:37] ---
    Please!
[08:42] ---
    This is one of the things.
[08:44] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[08:44] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:45] ---
    KAGUYA LOSES
[08:46] ---
    Kaguya loses.
[08:48] ---
    PLEASE DONATE TO THE FUND
[08:50] ---
    PLEASE
[08:52] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO SHOW OFF
[09:04] ---
    WHACK
[09:10] ---
    I was so close!
[09:12] ---
    Not athletic!
[09:12] ---
    NOTE: NOT ATHLETIC
[09:13] ---
    When it comes to studying,
    Shirogane excels,
[09:17] ---
    but as for athletics, he's a catastrophe,
    unfit for any human to see.
[09:22] ---
    He delivered newspapers for many years,
    and in the summertime, worked as a mover.
[09:25] ---
    He's easily able to ride his bike
    the 15 kilometers to school every day.
[09:29] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane definitely doesn't suffer
    from a lack of physical ability.
[09:34] ---
    He just has an alarming lack
    of coordination! That's the cause!
[09:38] ---
    So, in order to protect
    his social status at Shuchiin Academy,
[09:42] ---
    daily extraordinary training is essential!
[09:45] ---
    We've got volleyball next week.
[09:47] ---
    I have to get to the point
    of average ability by then.
[09:51] ---
    At this rate...
[09:53] ---
    Please take this seriously.
[09:55] ---
    It looks like a dying alpaca,
    but is that the president?
[09:58] ---
    Really?
[09:59] ---
    That dying alpaca?
[10:03] ---
    How cute.
[10:05] ---
    No!
[10:09] ---
    Why isn't this working?
[10:11] ---
    President, are you okay?
[10:13] ---
    Yeah, no prob...
[10:15] ---
    Fujiwara!
[10:17] ---
    What are you doing?
[10:18] ---
    I forgot this here. Um...
[10:21] ---
    Did she see me?
[10:26] ---
    It's over.
    Good at both sports and studies...
[10:28] ---
    The well-rounded
    President Shirogane brand...
[10:31] ---
    Even though I didn't do anything wrong,
    my flawless image will...
[10:36] ---
    Did I study for the test? Not really.
[10:39] ---
    This is really bad.
[10:43] ---
    Playing with a ball is so much fun!
[10:46] ---
    Oh, well.
[10:47] ---
    Whatever she thinks about me,
    it won't do much damage.
[10:50] ---
    Volleyball is the next sport for P.E., right?
[10:53] ---
    I was able to reserve the gym,
    so I've been practicing.
[10:56] ---
    My serve is kind of weak, you know?
[10:58] ---
    Oh, I see.
[11:00] ---
    Want me to teach you?
[11:03] ---
    Look, you can't teach someone
    unless you can do it yourself.
[11:07] ---
    I'm okay at volleyball!
[11:10] ---
    See?
[11:14] ---
    Right?
[11:15] ---
    Incredible!
[11:16] ---
    PRESIDENT'S CRITERIA
[11:16] ---
    How could her serve be so polished?
[11:18] ---
    How'd you like that?
[11:20] ---
    I-I had no idea you possessed
    such a special skill!
[11:24] ---
    I bet if I taught you,
    you'd improve in no time.
[11:29] ---
    GRIN GRIN
[11:29] ---
    President! When you're
    asking someone for help,
[11:32] ---
    what kind of attitude is appropriate?
[11:36] ---
    P-Please teach me.
[11:40] ---
    Sure! No problem!
[11:43] ---
    Okay, first let me see
    exactly what the problem is.
[11:46] ---
    Please show me your serve several times.
[11:49] ---
    Okay.
[12:00] ---
    Why does that happen?
[12:03] ---
    I don't know myself.
[12:05] ---
    No matter how many times I try,
    I keep hitting myself in the head.
[12:08] ---
    And if I'm careful about my head,
    my timing is totally off.
[12:12] ---
    I'm perfectly deadlocked!
[12:15] ---
    Right.
[12:16] ---
    First of all, when you hit the ball,
    keep your eyes open!
[12:19] ---
    You don't have to state the obvious.
[12:21] ---
    Right, right!
[12:23] ---
    Then open your eyes wide
    and try to hit the ball.
[12:27] ---
    As if that would make a difference.
[12:35] ---
    See? That didn't work.
[12:37] ---
    Your eyes aren't open!
[12:39] ---
    They're not open!
[12:40] ---
    How can you project the feeling,
    "I did what you said, but it didn't work"?
[12:43] ---
    Look! They weren't even open
    one millimeter!
[12:47] ---
    I don't believe it!
[12:48] ---
    Maybe I have what they call "the yips"?
[12:51] ---
    What arrogance!
[12:52] ---
    President, maybe your image of yourself
    isn't in sync with your actual movements!
[12:57] ---
    Let's start with jumping
    with your eyes open!
[13:00] ---
    I'm going to be merciless with you,
    so be prepared!
[13:03] ---
    Please!
[13:04] ---
    OGRE
[13:05] ---
    And so...
[13:06] ---
    1, 2,
[13:09] ---
    3, 4 ,5...
[13:11] ---
    556, 557, 558, 559...
[13:15] ---
    984, 985, 986 ,987...
[13:15] ---
    No closed eyes when you jump.
    The ball is your friend.
[13:18] ---
    And so, with morning and evening
    training sessions, three days passed.
[13:25] ---
    President...
[13:27] ---
    Maybe this is enough.
[13:29] ---
    I think you're good enough to be
    at the level of a person who just sucks at it.
[13:33] ---
    Compared to when you were a creature,
    you've made a lot of progress.
[13:36] ---
    Not yet!
[13:38] ---
    I can still...
[13:40] ---
    do more!
[13:41] ---
    Why are you working so hard for this?
[13:44] ---
    Because I don't want them
    to see me look like a dork.
[13:48] ---
    If they're going to see me,
    I want them to see me look cool!
[13:56] ---
    Are you talking
    about the person you like, President?
[14:00] ---
    Not at all!
    You've got romance on the brain!
[14:02] ---
    You don't have to hide it from me!
[14:05] ---
    Who's she? Who's she?
[14:05] ---
    Shut up!
[14:06] ---
    Please tell me!
[14:08] ---
    Don't pester me about that!
[14:18] ---
    Y-You did it!
[14:20] ---
    You did it! You did it!
[14:22] ---
    Yeah, Fujiwara. Thanks to you.
[14:25] ---
    It was so tough!
    But you persevered until you achieved it!
[14:29] ---
    All right, Fujiwara.
[14:32] ---
    Next teach me how to toss and receive!
[14:39] ---
    ONE WEEK LATER
[14:47] ---
    Wow!
[14:49] ---
    Shirogane!
[14:58] ---
    Miss Fujiwara?
[15:01] ---
    I raised that boy.
[15:03] ---
    You're his mother?
[15:04] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[15:05] ---
    Results of today's match...
[15:06] ---
    Shirogane and Fujiwara's victory!
[15:06] ---
    SHIROGANE AND
    FUJIWARA'S VICTORY
[15:11] ---
    YES, WELL...
[15:12] ---
    I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
[15:16] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO BE COVERED
[15:16] ---
    All right. Ishigami finished dealing
    with the aftermath of that last mixer...
[15:21] ---
    so there really isn't anything
    for us to do today.
[15:24] ---
    Shall we take the day off?
[15:25] ---
    Sure! Then you'd better call
    for an early pickup, Miss Kaguya.
[15:29] ---
    Actually...
[15:31] ---
    the car has a flat or something,
    so I thought I'd walk home.
[15:36] ---
    You won't be kidnapped?
[15:38] ---
    Not much evidence is left on a rainy day,
    so that's when they target you!
[15:42] ---
    Please don't say things
    that'll make me nervous.
[15:45] ---
    I'd like to give you a lift,
    but I have somewhere to go.
[15:48] ---
    Shinomiya is going to walk home?
[15:49] ---
    That's okay.
    I appreciate the sentiment.
[15:51] ---
    Then maybe that'll work?
[15:53] ---
    The turning point of the season.
    The rainy season.
[15:56] ---
    Sharing an umbrella!
[15:58] ---
    Two shoulders close together
    under one umbrella,
[16:00] ---
    an event that immediately closes
    the distance between man and woman.
[16:03] ---
    The rainy season is the ideal season
    to share an umbrella.
[16:07] ---
    What nonsense.
[16:09] ---
    Shamefully jostling each other
    under one umbrella...
[16:12] ---
    But I do recognize the meaning
    behind sharing an umbrella.
[16:17] ---
    In the realm of romance,
    what should be feared the most
[16:20] ---
    is summer vacation magic.
[16:22] ---
    "Spending summer vacation
    with your sweetheart."
[16:24] ---
    That brand is so sought after
[16:26] ---
    that before summer vacation starts,
    evaluation of the opposite sex
[16:29] ---
    takes place everywhere
    throughout the school.
[16:36] ---
    Sharing an umbrella emphasizes to onlookers
    an intimacy with a member of the opposite sex,
[16:38] ---
    DAMN
[16:39] ---
    MARKING COMPLETE!!
[16:40] ---
    HE'S TAKEN
[16:40] ---
    and is the most efficient way
    to mark someone as being excluded
[16:43] ---
    from the group
    of "summer sweetheart candidates."
[16:48] ---
    It's really coming down.
[16:50] ---
    Yes. It wasn't raining at all this morning.
[16:53] ---
    There's pretty much one way
    that sharing an umbrella works.
[16:57] ---
    One... "A" has forgotten to bring
    an umbrella and is just standing there.
[17:00] ---
    Two... Unable to ignore that,
    "B" asks, "Wanna share?"
[17:02] ---
    WANNA SHARE?
[17:04] ---
    SUCCESS!!
[17:05] ---
    Well, should we go?
[17:06] ---
    In short, the success
    of sharing an umbrella...
[17:07] ---
    Yes.
[17:08] ---
    depends on the "I forgot my umbrella" appeal!
[17:11] ---
    However...
[17:13] ---
    What should I do?
    I don't have an umbrella.
[17:13] ---
    Shoot, I forgot my umbrella.
[17:15] ---
    COMPETITION BATTING!!
[17:15] ---
    Batting!
[17:17] ---
    An umbrella sharing event begins
    with one person forgetting their umbrella.
[17:22] ---
    But if they both forget their umbrellas,
    there are no developments!
[17:26] ---
    It's just two people
    who have forgotten to bring an umbrella!
[17:29] ---
    Y-You forgot your umbrella, too, Shinomiya?
[17:32] ---
    Yes. It just slipped my mind,
    since I usually get picked up.
[17:36] ---
    Why did you forget?
[17:38] ---
    Well, I didn't check the weather forecast.
[17:40] ---
    I didn't think
    we were in for a storm like this.
[17:46] ---
    Of course, it's all a bluff!
[17:48] ---
    They both have folding umbrellas
    in their bags!
[17:52] ---
    What do I do?
    Tell her I have an umbrella now?
[17:56] ---
    But if I do that...
[17:59] ---
    Oh, my.
[18:00] ---
    You wanted to get under my umbrella
    so badly that you lied about your umbrella?
[18:05] ---
    Good grief.
[18:07] ---
    How cute.
[18:08] ---
    I can't!
[18:09] ---
    Already, taking out the umbrella
    would expose a meaningful lie.
[18:13] ---
    And that would also directly link to inviting
    the other person to share the umbrella.
[18:17] ---
    That would clearly spell defeat.
[18:19] ---
    Wait. If she doesn't have a ride,
[18:22] ---
    I'm sure someone from the Shinomiya house
    would've given her an umbrella.
[18:26] ---
    It wouldn't matter
    that it slipped her mind!
[18:28] ---
    I've got your number, President.
[18:30] ---
    You have an umbrella
    in that bag, don't you?
[18:33] ---
    You're lying because you're too embarrassed
    to invite me under your umbrella.
[18:36] ---
    In this situation,
    the condition for victory...
[18:38] ---
    is none other than exposing
    the other person's lie!
[18:43] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya,
    maybe you've actually got one.
[18:46] ---
    Shirogane made the first move.
[18:48] ---
    Your usual ride had a flat today,
    on the day it rains.
[18:52] ---
    But today of all days, someone like you,
    who always plans ahead, forgot her umbrella.
[18:57] ---
    How likely is that?
[19:03] ---
    What are you trying to say?
[19:04] ---
    Oh, nothing.
[19:06] ---
    Not enough information.
[19:08] ---
    Should I gamble on a game-winning hit?
[19:09] ---
    If we're talking planning ahead,
    you do the same, President.
[19:12] ---
    What?
[19:13] ---
    Before, you said you didn't check
    the weather forecast, but I find that odd.
[19:19] ---
    What's odd about it?
[19:21] ---
    I have days like that.
[19:23] ---
    You always ride your bicycle
    to school, don't you?
[19:27] ---
    Yes, but...
[19:29] ---
    Then,
[19:30] ---
    why did you take the train today?
[19:34] ---
    I noticed your bike
    wasn't in the bike rack today.
[19:39] ---
    What?
[19:41] ---
    I mean, if you think about it,
    there's nothing unnatural at all.
[19:45] ---
    On a rainy day,
    you take the train to school.
[19:48] ---
    That's the reasonable thing to do, isn't it?
[19:50] ---
    Say, President...
[19:51] ---
    you said you missed
    the weather forecast, right?
[19:55] ---
    Then why did you choose
    to take the train today, of all days?
[20:00] ---
    The truth is...
[20:03] ---
    you saw it, didn't you?
[20:05] ---
    The weather forecast.
[20:08] ---
    The difference in preparation!
[20:10] ---
    Maybe you just thought
    you forgot to bring an umbrella.
[20:15] ---
    President, would you take a look
    in your bag to see if it's there?
[20:19] ---
    The difference in advance preparation
    will decide the outcome of the game!
[20:23] ---
    It didn't even take Shirogane an hour
    to devise his umbrella-sharing plan.
[20:27] ---
    On the other hand,
    Kaguya confirmed the weather report.
[20:30] ---
    She carefully looked at the weather map,
[20:32] ---
    used an awl to pierce
    the tire of her ride,
[20:35] ---
    and checked the bicycle rack.
[20:36] ---
    The amount of advance preparation
    gave her a big lead.
[20:39] ---
    Naturally, she predicted
    this situation, as well.
[20:42] ---
    Now I'll score a point for good measure!
[20:45] ---
    I guess I'll just get soaked
    walking home in the rain.
[20:50] ---
    GRIN
[20:50] ---
    Miss Kaguya, you forgot your umbrella?
[20:55] ---
    I've got a spare in the classroom,
    so please use this one.
[21:00] ---
    Please be more careful for next time!
[21:03] ---
    Absent-minded Miss Kaguya!
[21:05] ---
    Well, see ya tomorrow!
[21:12] ---
    I had him! I was one step away!
[21:15] ---
    Why does that girl always spoil it?
[21:18] ---
    Now that it's come to this...
[21:23] ---
    Here.
[21:25] ---
    I'm giving you this umbrella, President!
[21:27] ---
    Do what you want with it! Here!
[21:30] ---
    No, that umbrella belongs to Fujiwara.
[21:32] ---
    I'm subletting it!
[21:33] ---
    No, look...
[21:41] ---
    All right.
[21:47] ---
    How about I borrow half of it?
[21:58] ---
    I suppose that will do.
[22:13] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:15] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[22:16] ---
    A tie.
[22:16] ---
    A TIE

Season 1

E6 - Yu Ishigami Wants to Live - Chika Fujiwara Wants to Test You - Kaguya Wants to Be Noticed

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] ---
    The treasurer of the four-member
    student council at Shuchiin Academy...
[00:08] ---
    Yu Ishigami.
[00:14] ---
    The man who is indispensable
    to the student council,
[00:17] ---
    yet hasn't made
    much of an impression on them.
[00:21] ---
    The man Shirogane,
    the president of the student council,
[00:24] ---
    chose to be the treasurer
    based on expectations of his prowess.
[00:27] ---
    Here's this month's financial report.
[00:30] ---
    Great.
[00:30] ---
    He has been biding his time...
[00:33] ---
    What is it?
[00:34] ---
    I want to quit the student council.
[00:38] ---
    ...waiting for the chance
    to resign from the student council!
[02:12] ---
    I see. Quit the student council...
[02:17] ---
    YU ISHIGAMI WANTS TO LIVE
[02:17] ---
    You've got to be kidding me!
    Without you, we'll go bankrupt!
[02:20] ---
    I'm begging you here!
[02:21] ---
    Yu Ishigami.
[02:23] ---
    He's a data processing expert.
[02:26] ---
    At Shuchiin Academy,
    only the president is elected.
[02:27] ---
    PRESIDENT
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[02:27] ---
    VICE-PRESIDENT
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[02:28] ---
    SECRETARY
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
[02:30] ---
    TREASURER
    YU ISHIGAMI
[02:30] ---
    The other members are appointed
    based on their abilities.
[02:34] ---
    Yu Ishigami is a talented person
    who was scouted by the student council...
[02:37] ---
    despite the fact that he had barely begun
    his first year there.
[02:40] ---
    Normally he takes his work home
[02:42] ---
    and only shows up
    in the student council room for meetings,
[02:45] ---
    but he is a full-fledged council member.
[02:47] ---
    Undeniably, Yu Ishigami is the treasurer
    of Shuchiin Academy's student council.
[02:51] ---
    And now he is trying to quit his post.
[02:52] ---
    But I've got an important reason.
[02:56] ---
    That reason is...
[02:56] ---
    What reason?
[03:00] ---
    I think I'm going to be murdered.
[03:03] ---
    Murdered?
[03:04] ---
    I think Shinomiya-senpai
    is going to kill me.
[03:05] ---
    Shino...
[03:08] ---
    O-On what basis do you think that?
[03:11] ---
    Her eyes.
[03:12] ---
    Eyes?
[03:14] ---
    People's eyes are organs
    that are connected directly to the brain.
[03:17] ---
    Normally half of the brain
    is used to process the sense of sight.
[03:20] ---
    The movement of eyes can show
    what someone is cautious about or hungry for.
[03:24] ---
    Those organs clearly reveal
    the brain's activity.
[03:25] ---
    FOOD > CAT
    GLUTTON
[03:25] ---
    DOG > FOOD
    SCAREDY-CAT
[03:28] ---
    I can tell five or six percent of a person's
    true character just by looking into their eyes.
[03:33] ---
    That's not much!
[03:34] ---
    I can probably do the same!
[03:37] ---
    The way Shinomiya-senpai
    looks at me sometimes...
[03:41] ---
    I'm positive that the intent to kill
    is in that glance.
[03:44] ---
    What exactly happened?
[03:47] ---
    It was a month ago.
[03:58] ---
    COFFEE BLEND
    FREE TICKET
[04:01] ---
    But a lot of people think
    that's the best way to kill time.
[04:06] ---
    What is this?
[04:08] ---
    I don't really go to coffee shops.
[04:10] ---
    They're too expensive for my blood.
[04:12] ---
    You have a point.
[04:14] ---
    If there was a coupon or something,
    it would be different.
[04:17] ---
    PAT PAT
[04:20] ---
    Yeah.
[04:22] ---
    If it were cheaper,
    I wouldn't mind going once in a while.
[04:35] ---
    Not a word to anyone about those tickets.
[04:41] ---
    What happened?
[04:43] ---
    She threatened me, so I can't tell you.
[04:44] ---
    Threatened?
[04:45] ---
    I have a feeling
    she's killed two or three people already.
[04:48] ---
    What happened?
[04:50] ---
    And then last week, too...
[04:54] ---
    Shinomiya-senpai,
    are you in love with the president?
[04:58] ---
    FSSST
[05:00] ---
    In love with the president?
[05:02] ---
    Don't talk nonsense!
    That would never happen!
[05:06] ---
    You don't see him as a love interest?
[05:08] ---
    N-No!
[05:10] ---
    Of course not.
[05:12] ---
    Really?
[05:13] ---
    In fact, rumors like that are a nuisance!
[05:17] ---
    Is that right?
[05:19] ---
    I thought they'd make a good couple.
[05:22] ---
    Then I'll give the president a hint
    that you have no romantic interest.
[05:32] ---
    YANK YANK
[05:32] ---
    You'll tell him no such thing!
[05:34] ---
    You hear me?
[05:39] ---
    I think she has the skills
    of a trained assassin.
[05:41] ---
    A trained assassin?
[05:43] ---
    Using the corner of a couch
    to strangle me... That's a pro!
[05:46] ---
    What do you think Shinomiya is?
[05:48] ---
    SHIVER SHIVER
[05:49] ---
    My guess is she's a natural-born serial killer.
[05:52] ---
    I can see it in her eyes.
[05:53] ---
    You put too much faith
    in that five or six percent!
[05:56] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai's
    in even more danger than me.
[05:59] ---
    Sometimes Shinomiya-senpai stares
    at her as if she's less than human.
[06:02] ---
    I estimate she's got
    another two months left.
[06:05] ---
    You calculated her life expectancy?
[06:07] ---
    Ridiculous!
[06:09] ---
    No, that type
    is the most dangerous predator.
[06:12] ---
    President...
[06:15] ---
    Is Ishigami here?
[06:19] ---
    I was at a meeting.
[06:20] ---
    Don't make it worse for yourself!
[06:22] ---
    It was about the budget
    for the drama club.
[06:24] ---
    Turn yourself in, Shinomiya!
[06:26] ---
    Please!
[06:28] ---
    Listen when someone's talking to you!
[06:33] ---
    BEND BEND
[06:33] ---
    I told you I was helping
    the drama club, remember?
[06:37] ---
    Today was the costume fitting.
[06:39] ---
    O-Oh.
[06:41] ---
    Still, you didn't need
    to bring that prop in here.
[06:45] ---
    Um, I just wanted
    to tease you a little with it.
[06:52] ---
    Sorry.
[06:53] ---
    Cute.
[06:54] ---
    Shirogane-senpai, this is a trap.
[06:57] ---
    She's playing it cute
    so you'll let your guard down.
[07:02] ---
    D-Don't scare me like that!
[07:04] ---
    That's just a costume!
    Shinomiya hasn't killed anyone!
[07:08] ---
    President!
[07:11] ---
    Help.
[07:16] ---
    Miss Kaguya killed me!
[07:20] ---
    Then it's true!
[07:21] ---
    What's true?
    She's just wearing special makeup!
[07:24] ---
    Oh, right!
[07:26] ---
    No, President. This is a trap, too.
[07:29] ---
    I suspect she really is dead,
[07:31] ---
    but Shinomiya-senpai performed
    some mad-science surgery on her.
[07:34] ---
    Ishigami...
[07:36] ---
    You always let imagination
    get the better of you.
[07:38] ---
    Shinomiya would never murder a soul.
[07:42] ---
    Try to have more faith in your colleagues.
[07:44] ---
    Okay?
[07:46] ---
    Faith in my colleagues...
[07:50] ---
    Anyway, that's impressive.
[07:51] ---
    I know, right?
[07:52] ---
    How is that attached?
[07:54] ---
    It's like this. See?
[07:57] ---
    Sorry I asked.
[07:59] ---
    Faith in my colleagues...
[08:02] ---
    Ishigami...
[08:06] ---
    About our secret...
[08:10] ---
    I appreciate that you've kept it to yourself.
[08:12] ---
    Being tight-lipped is a virtue, right?
[08:15] ---
    If you had blabbed...
[08:20] ---
    Faith!
[08:24] ---
    STAB
[08:25] ---
    ...this wouldn't be a toy.
[08:29] ---
    Also, don't put the president in a bind.
[08:32] ---
    Please don't say
    anything more about resigning.
[08:36] ---
    Do you want to try
    stabbing me, President?
[08:38] ---
    Then was she...
[08:38] ---
    Can I? I wanted to try it once.
[08:42] ---
    listening the whole time?
[08:52] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    ISHIGAMI LOSES
[08:53] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:54] ---
    WANTS TO QUIT BECAUSE
    HE'S AFRAID OF KAGUYA
    BUT CAN'T QUIT BECAUSE
    HE'S AFRAID OF KAGUYA
[08:56] ---
    Ishigami loses.
[08:58] ---
    WOMEN WHO LOVE AND HATE
[09:01] ---
    CAGE FOR CATS
[09:02] ---
    There's an animal cage in front of you.
[09:06] ---
    How many cats are in the cage?
[09:09] ---
    What kind of abstract question is that?
[09:10] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO TEST YOU
[09:12] ---
    It's a psychological test!
[09:14] ---
    It's from a book
    I borrowed from the library.
[09:17] ---
    Just by answering this question,
[09:18] ---
    I'll be able to understand
    the depths of your mind, President.
[09:22] ---
    That's silly.
[09:23] ---
    As if you could understand the workings
    of the mind with a question like that.
[09:27] ---
    Come on, just humor me.
[09:29] ---
    How many cats?
[09:32] ---
    I guess about nine cats.
[09:36] ---
    That tells me
    how many children you want!
[09:40] ---
    That's exactly right!
[09:42] ---
    Nine kids? That's like a baseball team!
[09:43] ---
    Nine kids? That many?
[09:45] ---
    PSYCHOLOGY TEST
[09:46] ---
    Psychology tests.
[09:47] ---
    Abstract questions that draw out
    what someone really thinks.
[09:50] ---
    Most of them have amusing game elements
    that employ the Barnum effect,
[09:55] ---
    but some of them are practical
    and based on actual psychology.
[09:58] ---
    The person who thinks of these tests
    only as an amusing trifle
[10:01] ---
    and lets their guard down
    may be in for a bitter experience.
[10:05] ---
    I've got another really interesting one!
[10:08] ---
    Let's do it together!
[10:10] ---
    Oh, us, too?
[10:12] ---
    Yes!
[10:15] ---
    Are you ready?
[10:16] ---
    "You're walking down a dark path.
[10:20] ---
    Suddenly, someone taps you
    on the shoulder from behind.
[10:23] ---
    Who is that person?"
[10:26] ---
    Give me a hint.
[10:28] ---
    This isn't a quiz,
    so it doesn't work that way.
[10:30] ---
    Oh.
[10:31] ---
    A dark path...
[10:33] ---
    What could this be getting at?
[10:38] ---
    There it is!
    The second question on page 47!
[10:41] ---
    That answer...
[10:42] ---
    THAT'S THE PERSON YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH!!
[10:43] ---
    indicates whom you're in love with!
[10:45] ---
    If you say the name
    of someone of the opposite sex
[10:48] ---
    it's like a confession of love!
[10:50] ---
    As is often the case,
    Kaguya had prepared for this situation.
[10:54] ---
    PLEASE TYPE IN A NAME
[10:54] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA'S BRAIN
[10:54] ---
    Kaguya has known Chika Fujiwara
    since middle school
[10:57] ---
    and is especially familiar
    with her behavioral patterns.
[10:59] ---
    CHIKA'S BRAIN
[10:59] ---
    LOVE, PLAYING, EATING, PESU
[11:00] ---
    Ever since Kaguya noticed
    the book was on the library's list of purchases,
[11:04] ---
    she predicted a high likelihood of Fujiwara
    bringing it to the student council room.
[11:05] ---
    PSYCHOLOGY TESTS FOR LOVE
[11:08] ---
    Kaguya read the book in advance!
[11:10] ---
    "Question. You bring a squirrel home.
[11:13] ---
    She's able to avoid any dangerous answers.
[11:13] ---
    What do you do with it then?"
[11:16] ---
    Let's see. I would make
    delicious food for it every day...
[11:19] ---
    and give it a massage
    before it went to sleep.
[11:22] ---
    The answer is...
[11:23] ---
    "After you get married,
    what will you do for your spouse?"
[11:28] ---
    In other words,
[11:29] ---
    by being able to negotiate this minefield
    called a "psychological test,"
[11:31] ---
    she holds a huge advantage.
[11:35] ---
    Let me think.
    It would be you, Miss Fujiwara.
[11:39] ---
    M-Me?
[11:41] ---
    BASHFUL BASHFUL
[11:42] ---
    A dark path...
[11:55] ---
    Why are you running away, Ishigami?
[12:00] ---
    My answer is Shinomiya-senpai.
[12:02] ---
    Me?
[12:04] ---
    That's how Ishigami feels?
[12:06] ---
    He's a nice boy, and I don't dislike him...
[12:10] ---
    but I'm sorry.
    Ishigami is on the level of a worm to me.
[12:14] ---
    Ishigami is rejected.
[12:15] ---
    Now the president is the real issue.
[12:21] ---
    I hate dark, scary places.
[12:25] ---
    President, let's go home together.
[12:29] ---
    Well, I—
[12:32] ---
    Grin!
[12:33] ---
    Wait! Why is Fujiwara
    grinning at me like that?
[12:33] ---
    GRIN GRIN
[12:37] ---
    She called it "really interesting."
[12:40] ---
    A question
    that love-obsessed girl pounced on...
[12:42] ---
    This one is definitely not a harmless test!
[12:44] ---
    If the answer is
    "The person you're in love with..."
[12:48] ---
    Oh, President...
[12:49] ---
    So, you're subconsciously
    in love with me?
[12:54] ---
    How cute.
[12:57] ---
    It would be like a confession of love!
[12:59] ---
    The best answer would be someone they'd be
    satisfied with, but nobody in this room!
[13:03] ---
    Then...
[13:05] ---
    I guess my little sister.
[13:11] ---
    "The person who taps you on the shoulder
    indicates the person you're in love with."
[13:14] ---
    In short, the president
    has a sister complex.
[13:17] ---
    That's the most boring answer.
[13:19] ---
    That's right. I have a sister complex.
[13:23] ---
    I'm in love with Shinomiya-senpai?
[13:32] ---
    No, I think this emotion is terror!
[13:36] ---
    President, I think I have
    Stockholm syndrome, so I'm going home.
[13:40] ---
    A-All right. Get well soon.
[13:44] ---
    It could also be
    the suspension bridge effect.
[13:47] ---
    I'll go to a hospital on the way home.
[13:49] ---
    I wanna try answering one myself,
    so I'll look on the net.
[13:52] ---
    Shoot! Miss Fujiwara is looking
    for a question outside of the book!
[13:57] ---
    This one's cute!
[13:59] ---
    "You're in a field of flowers.
[14:03] ---
    The owner said you can take home
    as many flowers as you like.
[14:07] ---
    How many will you take home?"
[14:10] ---
    A question she doesn't know the answer to!
[14:12] ---
    Flowers, huh?
[14:15] ---
    I'd carefully pick only the prettiest ones.
[14:18] ---
    So just a couple.
[14:21] ---
    I-I suppose I'd take enough
    to make a lovely bouquet.
[14:27] ---
    I see.
[14:28] ---
    What should I do?
    I answered honestly without thinking!
[14:33] ---
    How many for you, President?
[14:35] ---
    Well, unlike that last one,
    I don't have to say a name,
[14:38] ---
    so I can answer it normally.
[14:40] ---
    I can take as many as I like
    for free, right?
[14:42] ---
    Then there's only one possible answer.
[14:44] ---
    HEAP
[14:45] ---
    I'd take as many
    as I could cram into a truck!
[14:48] ---
    Maybe even a truck wouldn't be enough.
[14:51] ---
    That's a poor person's mentality.
[14:53] ---
    What would you do
    with all of those flowers?
[14:56] ---
    Well, I could give some away
    and sell some, right?
[14:58] ---
    Um, the answer is...
[15:00] ---
    CLICK HERE FOR THE ANSWER
[15:00] ---
    THE AMOUNT OF FLOWERS YOU TOOK INDICATES
    HOW MUCH LOVE YOU HAVE FOR A SPECIAL SOMEONE!
[15:16] ---
    What was the answer?
[15:18] ---
    Nothing. Um, "How much
    you love flowers" or something.
[15:22] ---
    Yes, that's what it was.
[15:25] ---
    Even though I love flowers?
[15:25] ---
    Silly.
[15:27] ---
    I don't agree with that one!
[15:28] ---
    Neither do I.
[15:29] ---
    But that's what the answer was.
    We just have to accept it.
SIGN    REASON: HAVING A TRUCK FULL OF LOVE
[15:30] ---
    Results of today's match...
[15:32] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[15:33] ---
    I guess you're right.
[15:35] ---
    COST OF A FAMILY
[15:35] ---
    UM, IF YOU GET A HCG INJECTION,
    THERE'S A 20% HIGHER CHANCE
    OF GIVING BIRTH TO TWINS...
SIGN    AH... HUH...
[15:39] ---
    Wanna get a smoothie on the way home?
[15:41] ---
    Okay!
[15:43] ---
    - I'm gonna get celery!
    - What kind should I get?
[15:48] ---
    I'm totally sorry.
[15:50] ---
    I'm working again today.
    I have to go straight there.
[15:53] ---
    Again?
[15:54] ---
    You work too much.
[15:56] ---
    Next time, definitely!
[15:58] ---
    Yeah, okay!
[16:03] ---
    It's time to go home, Lady Kaguya.
[16:06] ---
    Hayasaka, I told you not to come
    to the student council room.
[16:10] ---
    I've confirmed that the president
    and the other members have already left.
[16:12] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO BE NOTICED
[16:14] ---
    Rest assured.
[16:15] ---
    Carelessness like that can be fatal.
[16:19] ---
    Recently, you've become lax, haven't you?
[16:22] ---
    Between your appearance,
    those nails,
[16:22] ---
    UNBUTTONED
    HER
    COLLAR
SIGN    NAILS
[16:24] ---
    MYSTERIOUS
    KEYCHAIN
[16:25] ---
    and your skirt length,
    you're likely violating school rules.
SIGN    ROLLED UP HER SKIRT
[16:28] ---
    It's all within the bounds
    of school regulations.
[16:31] ---
    Although you could say
    I'm bending the rules a bit.
[16:34] ---
    A bit.
[16:36] ---
    For us, beauty is power.
[16:39] ---
    BEAUTY IS LIVE AMMO
[16:41] ---
    High society is not for people
    without adornment.
[16:45] ---
    You don't want opportunities stolen by women
    with only good looks going for them.
[16:49] ---
    I would say you're too stuffy about it,
    Lady Kaguya.
[16:52] ---
    Lately, lightly polished nails
    are even in style here.
[16:56] ---
    If you want men to think you're cute,
    you should take an interest.
[17:00] ---
    Really? Then will the president...
[17:03] ---
    I mean, will boys think I'm cute?
[17:06] ---
    After all this time, I'm surprised
    you haven't given yourself away.
[17:10] ---
    But, yes, of course.
[17:12] ---
    Hayasaka realized that nails had little to do
    with popularity amongst the opposite sex.
[17:17] ---
    Boys will...
[17:19] ---
    Come on. Let's go home and paint your nails.
[17:22] ---
    But she gave only vague answers
    in her desire to give Kaguya some glam.
[17:23] ---
    Are you sure about this?
[17:24] ---
    It's okay.
[17:26] ---
    What's okay? Hey!
[17:28] ---
    THE NEXT DAY
[17:30] ---
    Gel nails which don't infringe
    on the school dress code.
[17:34] ---
    The modesty of rhinestone only
    on each ring finger was part of the appeal.
[17:41] ---
    I wonder what the president will think.
[17:43] ---
    Will he think it's cute?
[17:44] ---
    Or maybe he'll think it's frivolous.
[17:50] ---
    What's the nail polish about?
[17:53] ---
    I know.
[17:56] ---
    I don't want it in that case.
[18:02] ---
    I'll just go home today, and...
[18:04] ---
    What are you doing, Shinomiya?
[18:07] ---
    Aren't you going in?
[18:09] ---
    Well, I was on my way in!
[18:14] ---
    Miss Kaguya!
[18:16] ---
    About this part...
[18:19] ---
    Yes, what is it?
[18:23] ---
    Are you hiding something behind you?
[18:26] ---
    No, nothing.
[18:29] ---
    The only times she's quick on the uptake
    are situations like this!
[18:32] ---
    If someone's going to notice,
    I want it to be the president.
[18:34] ---
    Certainly not her!
[18:37] ---
    I have to get closer.
[18:40] ---
    Here, President.
    The minutes from our last meeting.
[18:43] ---
    Oh, thanks.
[18:45] ---
    Stare.
[18:50] ---
    And there's an error here.
[18:54] ---
    You're right.
[18:56] ---
    Indeed.
[18:58] ---
    Good eye!
[19:02] ---
    He didn't notice!
[19:04] ---
    Shinomiya is being fashionable!
[19:07] ---
    Jeez, why?
[19:09] ---
    Is it because you're not interested in me?
[19:11] ---
    What caused the change?
[19:13] ---
    She's always avoided ornamentation,
    saying, "Does a swan dress up?"
[19:18] ---
    What should I do?
    Should I mention it?
[19:20] ---
    You have nice childbearing hips.
[19:23] ---
    Wouldn't that actually
    be sexual harassment if I did?
[19:26] ---
    LITTLE SISTER
[19:26] ---
    Like the other day...
[19:28] ---
    Kei, isn't that skirt too short?
[19:31] ---
    I'm not wearing this for you.
    That's sexual harassment. Drop dead.
[19:36] ---
    I was just worried about her
    as a big brother!
[19:39] ---
    If there's a reaction from a person
    other than the person you want,
[19:42] ---
    it's sexual harassment.
[19:44] ---
    But since I did notice,
    I should say something, right?
[19:47] ---
    I'm sure she won't be any crueler to me
    than my little sister was!
[19:54] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai...
[19:57] ---
    You changed your conditioner, didn't you?
[20:00] ---
    You can tell?
[20:02] ---
    Yeah, well...
[20:04] ---
    the smell is different than usual.
[20:09] ---
    I mean, it is stuffy in here today,
[20:11] ---
    but it's cute that the smell
    is stronger than usual.
[20:15] ---
    It kind of smells like a baby.
[20:18] ---
    Ishigami...
[20:20] ---
    That's creepy!
[20:23] ---
    Let me die.
[20:30] ---
    I want to die, so I'm going home.
[20:32] ---
    S-Sure. But don't die.
[20:37] ---
    It smelled good,
[20:39] ---
    so I meant to give her a compliment.
[20:41] ---
    Do I smell? Am I stinky?
[20:44] ---
    That's tough!
[20:45] ---
    The day Shinomiya calls me creepy,
    I'm likely to choose death myself!
[20:49] ---
    SNIFF SNIFF
[20:49] ---
    I'd better not bring up her nails!
[20:52] ---
    It's just too risky!
[20:54] ---
    I can't risk having her call me "creepy"!
[20:58] ---
    Wait. Is that just an excuse?
[21:03] ---
    This is my issue.
[21:05] ---
    Complimenting Shinomiya's nails...
[21:09] ---
    I'm just genuinely bashful.
[21:21] ---
    In the end, he didn't notice my nails.
[21:26] ---
    But it's probably better that way.
[21:30] ---
    It's meaningless for me
    to be fashion-conscious.
[21:36] ---
    It doesn't make me cute.
[21:40] ---
    Shinomiya!
[21:45] ---
    Those nails!
[21:52] ---
    C-C-C-C-Cu...
[21:56] ---
    Never mind! Nothing!
[22:00] ---
    What?
[22:01] ---
    Finish what you were going to say!
[22:03] ---
    The president is cute
    when he's all flustered, isn't he?
[22:09] ---
    Jeez! Jeez!
[22:12] ---
    You, too, Kaguya.
[22:14] ---
    I-I wonder what he was about to say!
[22:17] ---
    What do you think, Hayasaka?
[22:18] ---
    "Hayasaka," I said!
[22:21] ---
    He said, "Those nails!"
[22:22] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
    KAGUYA WINS
[22:22] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:24] ---
    Come on, Hayasaka!
[22:24] ---
    Kaguya wins.

Season 1

E7 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Work - Kaguya Wants Him to Join In - Kaguya Wants to Control It

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    Relationship advice, huh?
[01:33] ---
    Yes! Right now,
    I'm facing a major problem!
[01:37] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO WORK
[01:37] ---
    I thought only you, the Love Master,
    would be able to solve this issue!
[01:46] ---
    The ship has already sailed!
[01:47] ---
    I'll see your voyage through to the end!
[01:49] ---
    President!
[01:51] ---
    Here we go again.
[01:53] ---
    I'm at the end of my rope
    for this charade!
[01:55] ---
    How could I ever be thought of
    as the Love Master?
[01:58] ---
    How did I qualify for that title?
[01:59] ---
    If a virgin can qualify,
    I'll get it sooner or later!
[02:02] ---
    The idea of me giving
    girlfriend advice is ridiculous!
[02:05] ---
    Please, make this an easy one!
[02:07] ---
    That's Miss Kashiwagi's boyfriend.
[02:11] ---
    I thought things were going well with them
    doing the charity work together.
[02:16] ---
    So, what's the problem?
[02:18] ---
    Right. Actually...
[02:21] ---
    I want to hold
    Miss Kashiwagi's hand!
[02:21] ---
    BLURT
[02:26] ---
    We've been dating for a month now,
    so I'd like to do something romantic.
[02:33] ---
    That's why I want your advice
    on what I should do to hold hands with her!
[02:37] ---
    Why don't you ask a friend for advice?
[02:40] ---
    Isn't this just bragging?
[02:41] ---
    Did he come to brag,
    pretending he wants advice?
[02:44] ---
    The president has a big heart,
    but I'm sure even he'll get mad at—
[02:50] ---
    Oh, that.
[02:51] ---
    OH-THAT-ISM
[02:51] ---
    The face of a Buddha?
[02:53] ---
    He brought up something normal.
[02:56] ---
    Even I can advise about holding hands.
    I can handle the ABCs of love.
[03:02] ---
    The ABCs of love!
[03:04] ---
    Of the many kinds of couples,
[03:07] ---
    the meaning between them differs
    depending upon the depth of the relationship.
[03:10] ---
    The ABCs are one barometer
    to measure that depth.
[03:13] ---
    A is kissing. B is petting.
[03:15] ---
    C indicates a relationship
    that has gone all the way.
[03:19] ---
    This boyfriend is a beginner who decided
    to begin climbing the ABC mountain.
[03:24] ---
    The stage he is at differs little
    from fellow virgin, Shirogane.
[03:29] ---
    Listen. Holding hands is simple.
[03:32] ---
    Rent a cruiser, and as you gaze
    at the sun sinking below the horizon,
[03:35] ---
    let your fingertips accidentally
    on purpose brush up against hers.
[03:38] ---
    When she looks embarrassed,
    smile and take her hand.
[03:40] ---
    That's a tall order!
[03:42] ---
    But that's okay.
[03:44] ---
    I guess that's the kind of person
    the president is!
[03:46] ---
    I-I don't have the money to rent a cruiser.
[03:50] ---
    I see.
[03:51] ---
    Then,
[03:53] ---
    get a part-time job!
[03:54] ---
    A job?
[03:56] ---
    I recommend it.
[03:57] ---
    You work up a sweat. I swear, afterwards,
    the taste of the water from the fountain...
[04:00] ---
    is as good as cola! I guarantee it!
[04:03] ---
    Why not just drink cola?
[04:05] ---
    The president's workaholism
    might be coloring this argument.
[04:05] ---
    I'm not saying you need
    to rent a luxury liner.
[04:08] ---
    Right.
[04:09] ---
    You can rent a small one
    for 10,000 or 20,000 yen.
[04:12] ---
    But you need to have a license
    to pilot a boat, don't you?
[04:15] ---
    A small boat license is good enough.
[04:17] ---
    It's easy to get, so I recommend it.
[04:20] ---
    He's got one!
[04:21] ---
    W-Wow! I'm impressed, President!
[04:24] ---
    You can get one by taking a three-day course,
    and it costs less than 100,000 yen.
[04:28] ---
    But 100,000 yen is a lot of money to me.
[04:31] ---
    So get a job!
[04:32] ---
    Why do you try to keep pushing him
    into the workforce?
[04:36] ---
    Certainly, you're describing a great situation,
    but I've got a fundamental problem.
[04:41] ---
    My hands get all sweaty
    when I'm nervous.
[04:44] ---
    I'm afraid to take Miss Kashiwagi's hand
    when mine is slick with sweat.
[04:49] ---
    In other words...
[04:50] ---
    you have palmar hyperhidrosis!
[04:51] ---
    PALMAR HYPERHIDROSIS
[04:53] ---
    I don't know what that is,
    but you're probably right!
[04:55] ---
    Don't make a diagnosis
    before seeing a doctor!
[04:57] ---
    That would require surgery.
[05:00] ---
    Surgery for hyperhidrosis
    runs about 100,000 yen!
[05:07] ---
    Get a job! Okay?
[05:12] ---
    TODAY
[05:12] ---
    OGASAWARA
[05:12] ---
    OKINAWA
[05:18] ---
    Why are you obsessed
    with making him work?
[05:20] ---
    Wouldn't it be more constructive...
[05:22] ---
    to have a sweaty forehead from work
    than sweaty hands?
[05:24] ---
    That was a pretty good line!
[05:25] ---
    That decides it.
[05:28] ---
    For holding hands,
    a part-time job is essential!
[05:30] ---
    Wrong! It isn't essential at all!
[05:33] ---
    As it happens, the place where I work
    is looking for people for summer vacation.
[05:38] ---
    Shall I inquire on your behalf?
[05:39] ---
    President...
[05:41] ---
    Don't worry. I'd be with you.
[05:43] ---
    It's physical labor. It's tough at first.
[05:45] ---
    I'd be there every step of the way.
[05:45] ---
    Please, realize your basic mistake!
[05:47] ---
    President!
[05:49] ---
    The cost of the boat, license and surgery...
    We're looking at about 200,000 yen.
[05:53] ---
    The job pays 1,000 yen an hour,
    so 5,000 yen for a five-hour shift.
[05:57] ---
    If you work 40 days,
    you should be able to swing it.
[06:00] ---
    You'll have a fun summer vacation!
[06:02] ---
    I suppose so.
[06:06] ---
    This is bad.
[06:07] ---
    At this rate, the president's summer vacation
    will be consumed by working!
[06:11] ---
    After my trouble coming up
    with summer vacation plans!
[06:13] ---
    They'll all be ruined!
[06:17] ---
    - I'll arrange an interview—
    - Hold it!
[06:20] ---
    The color of her magnifying glass is pink!
[06:22] ---
    That's the color of truth!
[06:24] ---
    Enter the Love Detective!
[06:26] ---
    LOVE DETECTIVE CHIKA
[06:27] ---
    Fujiwara and Shinomiya?
[06:29] ---
    I'm not gonna let you
    talk about love without me!
[06:33] ---
    Shinomiya...
[06:34] ---
    I'm not part of this!
[06:35] ---
    I'm not a fool!
[06:37] ---
    It seems you're together.
[06:39] ---
    So, what's the matter at hand?
[06:41] ---
    Yes, the question was
    how he can hold his girlfriend's hand.
[06:47] ---
    I see.
[06:52] ---
    Huh? Can't he just normally
    take her by the hand?
[06:55] ---
    What element is gumming up the works?
[06:57] ---
    Well, the problematic aspect
    is a high psychological hurdle.
[07:01] ---
    Sweaty palms.
[07:04] ---
    After my love sensor went off...
[07:07] ---
    Is that the level
    of male relationship advice?
[07:10] ---
    That's cute.
[07:12] ---
    You say it's nothing to worry about?
[07:14] ---
    After all, the only advice here
    is "Do your best," right?
[07:17] ---
    "Do your best"? That's so vague.
[07:20] ---
    It's not vague!
[07:22] ---
    He's so nervous that his hands
    get sweaty which is embarrassing!
[07:25] ---
    And yet... And yet...
[07:30] ---
    And yet, he screws up the courage,
    takes her hand, and it works out.
[07:35] ---
    Right?
[07:37] ---
    It wouldn't be fun if you could
    grab her hand without any effort!
[07:40] ---
    Trying to skip the hard part
    is a fundamental mistake!
[07:44] ---
    Right?
[07:47] ---
    Reflect on that!
[07:48] ---
    FWISH
[07:49] ---
    I-I see.
[07:51] ---
    I was just lacking in pure will.
[07:54] ---
    Just trying hard is enough?
[07:58] ---
    What about the job?
[07:59] ---
    He doesn't need it!
[08:00] ---
    I don't believe it.
[08:02] ---
    I'll do my best!
[08:03] ---
    Although I've never held hands
    with a boy myself.
[08:08] ---
    Days later...
[08:13] ---
    On a date with Kashiwagi,
[08:15] ---
    he somehow succeeded
    in holding Kashiwagi's hand.
[08:20] ---
    At any rate, I'm glad I protected
    the president's summer vacation.
[08:26] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:26] ---
    RESULTS
    OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[08:28] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[08:28] ---
    SHIROGANE LOSES
    (FAILED TO RECRUIT A PART-TIMER)
[08:30] ---
    Maybe Shinomiya could work there?
[08:32] ---
    No, dream on.
[08:34] ---
    If he really needs someone
    to work there, he should ask me.
[08:42] ---
    Jeez, club activities suck.
[08:45] ---
    Wha...
[08:47] ---
    Club activities are important.
[08:49] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS HIM TO JOIN IN
[08:49] ---
    Dedicating oneself to something
    develops the body and mind.
[08:51] ---
    No, I know
    that club activities are important.
[08:55] ---
    Without them, students would have free time
    and go on the path of delinquency.
[08:59] ---
    Juvie, suspension,
    the breakdown of the family.
[09:02] ---
    MOM
    SOB SOB
[09:03] ---
    In the end, they get pregnant,
    and we do a fundraising campaign.
[09:06] ---
    Club activities are also a way...
[09:09] ---
    to keep mentally immature children
    isolated from all that.
[09:13] ---
    I didn't say that!
[09:15] ---
    I mean, yes, there's that aspect to it.
[09:18] ---
    Club activities!
[09:20] ---
    Two pyramids exist at Shuchiin Academy.
[09:24] ---
    One is the parentage pyramid.
[09:25] ---
    DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT
    OF A MAJOR SHIPBUILDING COMPANY
[09:26] ---
    SON OF A HOSPITAL
    DIRECTOR
[09:26] ---
    99% of the students at Shuchiin Academy
    come from wealthy families.
[09:30] ---
    DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT
    OF AN ADVERTISING AGENCY
[09:30] ---
    DAUGHTER
    OF A SHINOMIYA
    GROUP DIRECTOR
[09:30] ---
    DAUGHTER OF
    THE PRESIDENT
    OF A FAMOUS I.T. COMPANY
[09:33] ---
    Therefore, this is
    the ensuing balance of power.
[09:33] ---
    ALL OTHERS
    (GENERAL PUBLIC)
SIGN    DOCTORS, PRESIDENTS OF MEDIUM-SIZED CORPORATIONS, PRO SPORTS ATHLETES
[09:35] ---
    It could be called
    the "Social Standing Hierarchy."
[09:35] ---
    GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS,
    EXECUTIVES OF LARGE
    CORPORATIONS
SIGN    WORLD-FAMOUS
[09:37] ---
    PRIVILEGED CLASS
[09:38] ---
    SPORTS
    TABLE TENNIS
    CULTURAL
    NO CLUB
    MANGA CLUB (ANIME CLUB)
[09:39] ---
    And the other pyramid...
[09:42] ---
    The Club Caste!
[09:46] ---
    Anyone affiliated with a sports club alone
    may be popular,
[09:48] ---
    regardless of actual performance
    during club activities.
[09:50] ---
    BENCHWARMER
[09:52] ---
    Students who belong to no club
    or cultural club members...
[09:56] ---
    feel negatively about
    this unreasonable state of affairs.
[09:59] ---
    Those who are serious about it
    are okay in my book.
[10:02] ---
    But don't the majority put on "We're serious"
    faces while pretending to be best buddies?
[10:08] ---
    That's a really cold thing.
[10:11] ---
    It's like, what's fun about that?
[10:13] ---
    They should do it
    as if their lives depended on it!
[10:16] ---
    I swear...
[10:18] ---
    I wish they would all die.
[10:20] ---
    Shoot. Ishigami is off
    on one of his anti-youth rants.
[10:24] ---
    I have to get him back on topic somehow.
[10:28] ---
    Well, let's put a pin in that.
[10:30] ---
    About the club budget draft...
[10:33] ---
    With the recent recession,
[10:33] ---
    2019 STUDENT COUNCIL
    (CLUB SPONSORSHIP)
    TREASURY BUDGET DRAFT
[10:34] ---
    contributions are down.
[10:36] ---
    We'll have to cut club budgets
    wherever we can.
[10:40] ---
    I definitely want to hear
    your opinion as treasurer.
[10:42] ---
    Well, let's see.
[10:44] ---
    Going from my experience
    doing accounting for the family business,
[10:44] ---
    NOTE: SON OF THE PRESIDENT
    OF A TOY MANUFACTURING
    COMPANY
[10:47] ---
    I have to say there's a lot of waste
    in this proposed budget.
[10:51] ---
    We should probably slash
    the soccer club's budget.
[10:55] ---
    Okay, why?
[10:58] ---
    A lot of the members have girlfriends.
[10:59] ---
    That's your reason?
[11:01] ---
    For the same reason, let's reduce the
    basketball club and the baseball club's budgets.
[11:05] ---
    How about a 50,000 yen reduction
    for every couple?
[11:07] ---
    Taxing couples?
[11:08] ---
    Shouldn't those who are happy
    be taxed the most?
[11:12] ---
    It's a happiness tax.
[11:13] ---
    Even a tyrant wouldn't tax like that!
    That's just a total personal grudge!
[11:18] ---
    It is a personal grudge,
    but is that so bad?
[11:22] ---
    It is bad! It's really bad!
[11:25] ---
    You don't understand, President.
[11:28] ---
    You don't understand my feelings!
[11:31] ---
    Hey, you don't have a game
    this Sunday, do you?
[11:34] ---
    It's been a while, so let's go somewhere!
[11:37] ---
    Sorry. We have practice that day.
[11:40] ---
    Lately all you do is practice!
[11:42] ---
    Sorry, but the tournament's coming up.
[11:44] ---
    I know, but...
[11:48] ---
    Right now,
[11:50] ---
    I'm putting it all on the line for soccer.
[11:53] ---
    Tak...
[11:54] ---
    THROB
[11:57] ---
    You burst into tears?
[11:59] ---
    It's okay with me
    that they have girlfriends.
[12:02] ---
    I'm so used to it that I don't feel
    anything about it at this point.
[12:05] ---
    If you've got a girlfriend, go on a date!
[12:07] ---
    Why are you even at practice?
[12:09] ---
    If you've got a precious girlfriend,
    what could be more important than her?
[12:17] ---
    When I have nothing...
[12:20] ---
    L-Look, you know a lot about computers.
[12:24] ---
    Everyone says the same thing to otaku.
[12:26] ---
    Maybe you should join one of those clubs.
[12:29] ---
    Is it possible to be in a club
    and also do student council?
[12:32] ---
    Well, Shinomiya and Fujiwara do it,
[12:36] ---
    so it's not impossible.
[12:37] ---
    I see. What clubs are they in?
[12:40] ---
    I believe Fujiwara belongs
    to the tabletop game club.
[12:44] ---
    I can imagine her enjoying that.
[12:50] ---
    Shinomiya is in the Japanese archery club.
[12:52] ---
    The Japanese archery club?
[12:54] ---
    That really suits her.
[12:57] ---
    How do you mean?
[12:59] ---
    With Japanese archery,
[13:01] ---
    if you've got breasts, the bowstring
    rubs against them when you pull it back.
[13:04] ---
    But with Shinomiya-senpai's size,
    there's no need to worry about that.
[13:08] ---
    She's like this.
[13:10] ---
    - Ishigami!
    - Just like this.
[13:11] ---
    Behind you! Behind you!
[13:12] ---
    FWISH FWISH
[13:12] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[13:14] ---
    Ishigami!
[13:15] ---
    Ishigami!
[13:17] ---
    I hear it's possible to bind your boobs
    with bandages up to D cup.
[13:20] ---
    I'm sure Fujiwara-senpai
    is way bigger than that,
[13:23] ---
    so the day she tried Japanese archery,
    her chest would be knocked all over the place!
[13:28] ---
    They'd be like this!
[13:28] ---
    WOBBLE WOBBLE
[13:28] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[13:29] ---
    Like this!
[13:31] ---
    Hit the brakes, Ishigami!
[13:33] ---
    Ishigami?
[13:43] ---
    GRIN
[13:45] ---
    FWAP FWAP
[13:52] ---
    You're lucky, Ishigami.
[13:54] ---
    Miss Fujiwara is kind,
    so she'll forgive you.
[13:58] ---
    She's probably the only one
    who'd forgive you.
[14:01] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[14:02] ---
    I'm sure of it.
[14:05] ---
    President, I'm going home
    to write my will.
[14:08] ---
    S-Sure.
[14:10] ---
    But don't die.
[14:14] ---
    It was a life full of liking
    big ones and small ones.
[14:19] ---
    Were you two at your clubs?
[14:21] ---
    Yes.
[14:22] ---
    President, please increase
    the budget of the tabletop game club.
[14:26] ---
    I'll give you a cola.
[14:27] ---
    DAUGHTER OF
    A POLITICIAN
[14:27] ---
    Don't offer me such an obvious bribe.
[14:30] ---
    But I've never been in a club,
    so I don't know what it's like.
[14:35] ---
    Really?
[14:39] ---
    Then, you should join my club.
[14:41] ---
    No! If I said that,
[14:43] ---
    it'd be like saying I wanted to be
    in the same club as the president!
[14:46] ---
    I'm not really that...
[14:50] ---
    Then why don't you try joining my club?
[14:53] ---
    Tabletop game club, huh?
[14:56] ---
    President, the budgets for the cultural clubs
    haven't changed much.
[15:00] ---
    If you're there to observe
    as a member of student council,
[15:03] ---
    then logically, the sports clubs have had
    the major budget changes.
[15:06] ---
    No, my club is special!
[15:08] ---
    We always buy new games,
    so it's like a money pit!
[15:12] ---
    That doesn't endear me.
[15:13] ---
    My club! Please join my club!
[15:15] ---
    No!
[15:16] ---
    You can't, no.
[15:19] ---
    Well, I don't really have time
    to join a club because of my part-time job.
[15:26] ---
    But I like this situation.
    It feels like I'm popular.
[15:29] ---
    I won't tell them I can't!
[15:33] ---
    Results of today's match...
SIGN    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH: SHIROGANE WINS
[15:34] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[15:35] ---
    BECAUSE FOR A SHORT TIME,
    HE'S ABLE TO FEEL LIKE HE HAS A HAREM
[15:38] ---
    I WANNA BE POPULAR.
    I WANNA BE POPULAR.
[15:39] ---
    PSYCHOANALYSIS
[15:45] ---
    So, Pesu put Father's shoe
    in his mouth and ran off.
[15:49] ---
    Father chased after him, yelling,
    "I'm not bread from Shizuoka Prefecture!"
[15:49] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO CONTROL IT
[15:53] ---
    I held my sides with laughter!
[16:03] ---
    I love how you laugh, Miss Kaguya.
[16:08] ---
    Wh-Where's that coming from?
[16:11] ---
    After all, a long time ago,
    you didn't even crack a smile!
[16:15] ---
    When we were in middle school,
    they called you "Kaguya the Ice Princess."
[16:19] ---
    It was like you were in your own world.
[16:21] ---
    I was like that back then, wasn't I?
[16:24] ---
    After joining the student council, you were
    on bad terms with the president for a while.
[16:30] ---
    Shirogane, would you not look at me?
[16:33] ---
    You were looking at me first.
[16:36] ---
    It was as comfortable
    as sitting on thorns back then.
[16:39] ---
    I-It was like that back then, wasn't it?
[16:44] ---
    I kept my distance from people
    because I was afraid.
[16:47] ---
    Miss Fujiwara was the only one
    who stayed by my side despite that.
[16:52] ---
    I have to treat her better.
[16:57] ---
    It's my dream to see you
    roar with laughter someday!
[17:03] ---
    I wouldn't let myself
    lose control like that.
[17:06] ---
    That's what you say,
[17:08] ---
    but I bet you'd laugh
    if you saw my Pesu doing tricks.
[17:12] ---
    It's amazing!
[17:14] ---
    His wiener!
[17:19] ---
    Is something wrong, Miss Kaguya?
[17:20] ---
    I-I understand!
    You mean your dog's trick, right?
[17:24] ---
    Perhaps you balance a hot dog on his nose,
    and he waits for a command to eat it.
[17:27] ---
    I knew it!
[17:30] ---
    But I was just shocked
    to hear the word "wiener"...
[17:31] ---
    Anyway, he does the normal trick
    like putting one or two paws in your hand,
[17:33] ---
    suddenly coming out of the mouth
    of a cute girl like Miss Fujiwara!
[17:36] ---
    but his wiener is really weird!
[17:40] ---
    How can I explain it?
[17:41] ---
    It hangs all the way to the left!
[17:45] ---
    M-Miss Kaguya?
[17:47] ---
    Sorry. I choked on my tea.
[17:50] ---
    SHIVER SHIVER
[17:51] ---
    Wh-What is this?
[17:53] ---
    Why am I laughing
    when I hear the word "wiener"?
[17:55] ---
    Dirty jokes!
[17:57] ---
    EASY
    PHYSICAL EDUCATION
[17:57] ---
    After learning from past mistakes,
[17:59] ---
    Kaguya has begun to study the facts of life.
[18:00] ---
    HMM HMM
[18:02] ---
    However,
[18:03] ---
    regarding slang and metaphors, Kaguya's knowledge
    is still at the level of a young grade-schooler.
[18:10] ---
    But Pesu is sneaky!
[18:11] ---
    His wiener gets big when there's food,
    but otherwise, it's just a tiny stump!
[18:18] ---
    NORMAL
[18:18] ---
    So, right now,
[18:19] ---
    SMALL
[18:19] ---
    Kaguya is at the stage where kids laugh
    at words like "wiener" and "boobs"!
[18:20] ---
    BIG
[18:21] ---
    NORMAL
[18:21] ---
    SMALL
[18:22] ---
    BIG
[18:22] ---
    Everyone goes through this period,
    and Kaguya is smack-dab in the middle of it!
[18:23] ---
    NORMAL
[18:24] ---
    SMALL
[18:25] ---
    BIG
[18:28] ---
    Kaguya?
[18:29] ---
    Stop it already!
[18:32] ---
    If she realizes I'm laughing
    at a vulgar word like that,
[18:36] ---
    the Shinomiya family
    will never live down my shame!
[18:38] ---
    It's my dream to see you
    roar with laughter someday.
[18:40] ---
    Making Miss Fujiwara's dream come true
    with a wiener would just be despicable!
[18:44] ---
    I have to reset my feelings!
[18:51] ---
    Are you...
[18:57] ---
    Wiener.
[19:07] ---
    Wiener.
[19:10] ---
    Please! Stop it!
[19:11] ---
    I'm begging you!
[19:13] ---
    M-Miss Kaguya is roaring with laughter!
[19:17] ---
    I'm thrilled!
[19:18] ---
    Fujiwara's dream came true.
[19:20] ---
    M-Miss Fujiwara?
[19:22] ---
    You will stop, won't you?
[19:24] ---
    Of course she wouldn't stop.
[19:24] ---
    WILLIE THE ELEPHANT
    NICE TO MEET YOU!
[19:26] ---
    Just as a parent
    will continue tickling their child...
[19:26] ---
    Wiener! Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!
[19:29] ---
    when the child demands them to stop,
[19:32] ---
    nothing could make
    the overjoyed Fujiwara stop!
[19:35] ---
    This is fun!
[19:39] ---
    President?
[19:42] ---
    Hi.
[19:43] ---
    President.
[19:45] ---
    Listen, Miss Fujiwara!
    Don't you dare do that in front of a boy!
[19:51] ---
    GRIN
[19:51] ---
    She's not going to stop!
[19:53] ---
    It'll be okay. I'm a young lady.
[19:56] ---
    I could never say that word
    in front of a boy.
[19:59] ---
    At least not out of my mouth.
[20:02] ---
    No! There's some hidden meaning
    to her words!
[20:05] ---
    Say, President!
[20:08] ---
    What do you call that little dog
    that looks like a sausage again?
[20:11] ---
    Dachshund?
[20:12] ---
    Wiener dog?
[20:14] ---
    She intends to make
    the president say "wiener"!
[20:17] ---
    If the president says that word,
[20:20] ---
    I won't be able to keep myself
    from laughing!
[20:24] ---
    I can't let the president say "wiener"!
[20:25] ---
    But isn't there
    another weird expression for it?
[20:26] ---
    I gotta stop this!
[20:28] ---
    Think!
[20:30] ---
    Use all of your brain cells, Kaguya Shinomiya!
[20:35] ---
    Oh, isn't it "wien"—
[20:36] ---
    Hot dog!
[20:39] ---
    I heard that's what they sometimes
    call it in the U.S.
[20:44] ---
    What's that Viennese breaded,
    pan-fried cutlet called?
[20:47] ---
    - Wien—
    - Schnitzel.
[20:49] ---
    It's similar to our tonkatsu.
[20:51] ---
    What's the common name for a hot dog?
[20:53] ---
    - Wie—
    - Frankfurter!
[20:55] ---
    The term comes from Frankfurt, Germany,
    where sausages like hot dogs originated.
[20:59] ---
    Um, what else? What else?
    I can't think of anything!
[21:03] ---
    What? What is this about?
[21:05] ---
    I held the fort!
[21:06] ---
    Now the president won't say the word "wiener"!
[21:10] ---
    I'm out of danger!
[21:14] ---
    Darn it! President, I wanted "wiener"
    to come out of your mouth!
[21:19] ---
    Every time you were about to give me "wiener,"
    Miss Kaguya would get in the way!
[21:23] ---
    P-Perverts!
[21:24] ---
    I would never do anything like that here!
    What in the world are you thinking?
[21:31] ---
    Are you nymphos?
[21:32] ---
    Are you nymphomaniacs?
[21:34] ---
    I...
[21:35] ---
    I'm not like her!
[21:41] ---
    Why...
[21:43] ---
    is this happening?
[21:48] ---
    Wiener.
[21:49] ---
    BFFT
[21:50] ---
    Enough! Stop it already!
[21:52] ---
    That's too funny!
[21:55] ---
    I've had enough wieners!
[21:57] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    when are you going to be satisfied?
[22:00] ---
    Stop torturing me with wieners!
[22:02] ---
    Miss Kaguya, your response
    just makes me feel so good.
[22:02] ---
    S-Something unspeakable
    is happening behind this door!
[22:05] ---
    Why don't we switch?
    You take the wiener part!
[22:07] ---
    No way! You won't see that
    come out of my mouth!
[22:10] ---
    Oh, like you never have before!
[22:13] ---
    One or two more wieners won't hurt!
[22:15] ---
    Forget it!
[22:16] ---
    Wiener!
[22:17] ---
    Wiener! Wiener!
[22:19] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:21] ---
    Fujiwara wins.
[22:23] ---
    Wiener!
[22:26] ---
    Um, do you have one?

Season 1

E8 - Kaguya Wants Her to Say It - Miyuki Shirogane Can't Lose - Yu Ishigami Closes His Eyes

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] ---
    The middle school division
    of Shuchiin Academy
[01:33] ---
    is five minutes away
    from the high school division.
[01:35] ---
    Because of short distance,
[01:37] ---
    quite a few younger students visit
    their elders in the high school division.
[01:41] ---
    In fact, that day, one girl...
[01:47] ---
    Yes?
[01:51] ---
    Excuse me.
[01:52] ---
    Oh, a cute visitor.
[01:56] ---
    What am I thinking?
[01:57] ---
    It's probably rude to call someone cute
    the first time you meet.
[02:00] ---
    But for some reason, I can't take
    my eyes off of her. Why's that?
[02:04] ---
    I'm Kei Shirogane, the treasurer
    of the middle school student council.
[02:09] ---
    Kei Shirogane... Kei Shirogane...
[02:12] ---
    KEI SHIROGANE
[02:13] ---
    Shirogane...
[02:14] ---
    This girl...
[02:16] ---
    She's the president's little sister!
[02:18] ---
    I see it! She has the same scary eyes!
[02:22] ---
    Well, please come in.
[02:25] ---
    Okay, thank you.
[02:29] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS HER TO SAY IT
[02:30] ---
    If you're looking for the president,
    he's at a club budget meeting.
[02:35] ---
    I think he won't be back for a while.
[02:37] ---
    A club budget meeting?
    I heard a long time ago...
[02:41] ---
    that a student council president
    who transferred to the school
[02:41] ---
    PRESIDENT OF THE ASTRONOMY CLUB
    CAPTAIN OF THE JUDO CLUB
    PRESIDENT OF THE OCCULT RESEARCH CLUB
    CAPTAIN OF THE KENDO CLUB
    PRESIDENT OF THE VOLUNTEER CLUB
    PRESIDENT OF THE SAHA CLUB
[02:43] ---
    made an insulting remark
    during one meeting
[02:45] ---
    and found it difficult
    to live in Japan afterwards.
[02:45] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[02:50] ---
    That rumor has been embellished
    quite a bit.
[02:53] ---
    Then, it's not true?
[02:56] ---
    Of course not.
[02:57] ---
    The student's father was just relocated
    to a remote country.
[03:02] ---
    He was deliberately sent away?
[03:05] ---
    I wonder if he's gotten used
    to the thin air there.
[03:08] ---
    Will he be okay?
[03:10] ---
    His little sister is worried about him.
[03:15] ---
    It'll be fine.
[03:16] ---
    I swear by the name of Shinomiya
[03:18] ---
    that if anything happens,
    I'll protect the president.
[03:21] ---
    Shinomiya-senpai...
[03:23] ---
    It'll be all right.
[03:25] ---
    Leave it to me.
[03:27] ---
    To shoot the leader, shoot his horse first.
[03:30] ---
    ACQUAINTANCE
    SIBLING
    FRIEND
    PARENTS
    BENEFACTOR
[03:30] ---
    TARGET
[03:30] ---
    To force a man to surrender, one should
    first ensnare the people around him.
[03:30] ---
    ACQUAINTANCE
    SIBLING
    PARENTS
    BENEFACTOR
[03:31] ---
    ACQUAINTANCE
    SIBLING
    BENEFACTOR
[03:31] ---
    SIBLING
    BENEFACTOR
[03:32] ---
    SIBLING
[03:34] ---
    Making friends with his relatives
    leads to a relationship with the family.
[03:38] ---
    A situation encouraging
    interactions with him...
[03:40] ---
    Kaguya, you're like a big sister!
[03:44] ---
    Yes! Yes, that's it!
[03:46] ---
    I'll have this girl call me her big sister!
[03:46] ---
    HEH HEH
[03:49] ---
    GRIN GRIN
[03:49] ---
    So, what can I do for you today?
[03:53] ---
    Um,
[03:54] ---
    I was going to ask my brother to check
    these student council documents.
[03:59] ---
    In that case, I can give you a hand.
[04:01] ---
    Despite my looks, I'm pretty competent.
[04:04] ---
    The competent woman appeal!
[04:06] ---
    Um, here they are.
[04:06] ---
    Giving the impression of someone
    who is capable to inspire feelings of respect.
[04:09] ---
    Let's see.
[04:12] ---
    The calculations are correct,
    but you've got commas in the wrong places.
[04:16] ---
    And the layout isn't very reader-friendly.
[04:19] ---
    He was here?
[04:21] ---
    I see.
[04:22] ---
    Then, I should stretch this out
    to fill in the blank space?
[04:26] ---
    And while you're at it,
    I'd set up a macro for here and here.
[04:29] ---
    That makes sense.
[04:30] ---
    Group these. It would be clear
    where you're supposed to look,
[04:31] ---
    W-Well, it'd be difficult to get closer
    to her as a competent woman.
[04:34] ---
    so I wouldn't display any of this.
[04:35] ---
    That would only increase
    the sense of distance between us.
[04:36] ---
    I want all of this part looked at, so...
[04:38] ---
    We should be equals!
[04:40] ---
    The goal should be a relationship
    in which we hang out as friends!
[04:43] ---
    And then...
[04:44] ---
    Big Sister Kaguya!
[04:46] ---
    You should come over
    to my house for dinner!
[04:49] ---
    Oh, would that be okay?
[04:52] ---
    You two are so close.
[04:54] ---
    It's like you're real sisters.
[04:55] ---
    We are real sisters, right?
[04:58] ---
    That's because you're
    like my own daughter, Kaguya.
[05:03] ---
    Why don't you move in here?
[05:08] ---
    Wonderful!
[05:10] ---
    Kaguya was starving for familial love.
[05:12] ---
    Then...
[05:14] ---
    Say, Shirogane...
[05:17] ---
    We're all Shirogane here.
[05:19] ---
    You've got to use first names.
[05:24] ---
    Then,
[05:25] ---
    Miyuki.
[05:28] ---
    Kaguya.
[05:32] ---
    Amazing! How far could this go?
[05:35] ---
    You should probably choose your range
    and then use a table.
[05:35] ---
    That's it! The feeling of friendship!
[05:38] ---
    A strong friendship would be best!
[05:39] ---
    The formatted table form from Home...
[05:42] ---
    Miss Shirogane,
    would you like something to drink?
[05:46] ---
    Sure.
[05:46] ---
    Hello.
[05:48] ---
    Kei!
[05:50] ---
    Hello, way of the sword!
[05:53] ---
    Hello, way of the sword back!
[05:56] ---
    What's up?
    Are you just here to hang out?
[06:00] ---
    Yep, yep. I'm just here for work today.
[06:03] ---
    Huh?
[06:04] ---
    You two know each other?
[06:08] ---
    That's right!
[06:10] ---
    Kei and Moeha are the same year!
[06:14] ---
    I'm Moeha, the third daughter!
[06:16] ---
    Sometimes Kei sleeps over at our house,
[06:18] ---
    and even though we're three years apart,
[06:20] ---
    we're such good friends
    that you wouldn't know it!
[06:24] ---
    - Right?
    - Right?
[06:25] ---
    The other day, we played
    a video game together, right?
[06:27] ---
    Right!
[06:29] ---
    Remember that dance you made up?
    Wanna do it here?
[06:31] ---
    I'm too embarrassed!
[06:32] ---
    So, you've been carrying on like this
    behind my back, huh?
[06:33] ---
    Let's do it! You did it for me
    when we went to karaoke, right?
[06:36] ---
    Is that right? Understood. I get it.
[06:37] ---
    Which karaoke place was that again?
[06:39] ---
    I think I still have the video.
[06:40] ---
    But Miss Fujiwara's position is that of a friend!
    Nothing more and nothing less!
[06:41] ---
    Cut it out! Don't look for that!
[06:43] ---
    It won't take me long to pull it up!
[06:43] ---
    I'll take the status of "big sister"!
[06:45] ---
    Hey, Sis...
[06:47] ---
    Sis?
[06:48] ---
    Moeha and I are going shopping
    for clothes in Harajuku soon.
[06:51] ---
    Why don't you come with us, Sis?
[06:54] ---
    Sure, I'd love to go!
[06:54] ---
    Sis?
[06:59] ---
    I love window shopping in Harajuku!
[07:03] ---
    This is how Miss Fujiwara
    steals everything I want.
[07:08] ---
    Greed.
[07:10] ---
    Okay, as soon as summer vacation starts,
[07:10] ---
    It's people like this that ruin the planet.
[07:12] ---
    we'll do the full course,
    from morning until night!
[07:13] ---
    A cancer on Earth. How repulsive.
[07:15] ---
    Yay!
[07:17] ---
    Why don't you go with us, too,
    Miss Kaguya?
[07:19] ---
    Sure!
[07:25] ---
    Jeez.
[07:26] ---
    Miss Fujiwara is a good girl!
    This is what I love about her!
[07:29] ---
    We'll always be friends!
[07:35] ---
    How was your meeting today?
[07:37] ---
    Well, I got through it.
[07:40] ---
    By the way, Kei, I heard
    you stopped by our student council.
[07:44] ---
    How was it?
[07:45] ---
    How was what?
[07:46] ---
    Well, as your big brother,
    I'm naturally curious about what you do.
[07:51] ---
    You're as nosy as a stalker.
[07:54] ---
    But Chika was the same as always.
[07:56] ---
    Your treasurer was pretty gloomy,
    but nice to me.
[08:01] ---
    And as for the vice president, Shinomiya,
[08:04] ---
    I was so nervous around her
    that I couldn't carry on a conversation.
[08:11] ---
    - What?
    - Shut up! Drop dead!
[08:13] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[08:15] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:16] ---
    KEI SHIROGANE LOSES
[08:17] ---
    Kei Shirogane loses.
[08:20] ---
    THIRD SISTER: MOEHA
    SECOND SISTER: CHIKA
    OLDEST SISTER: TOYOMI
[08:24] ---
    Finals are coming soon.
[08:24] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE CAN'T LOSE
[08:26] ---
    Have you all been studying?
[08:30] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, that's not whistling.
[08:33] ---
    - There's no need to study for exams.
    - Oh?
[08:36] ---
    They should be no problem
    if you're studying right along.
[08:40] ---
    Last-minute cramming is absurd.
[08:42] ---
    You'll just wreck your health.
[08:44] ---
    He's lying.
[08:46] ---
    I strongly advise you all
    to avoid last-minute cramming, as well.
[08:49] ---
    WHHH
[08:50] ---
    This young man has even taken
    a leave of absence from his part-time job
[08:52] ---
    so he could stay up studying
    in the ten nights before the test.
[08:56] ---
    Final exams!
[08:57] ---
    At Shuchiin Academy, literature and science
    exams are given five times a year.
[09:01] ---
    Shirogane has achieved the highest score
    three times in a row,
[09:05] ---
    solidifying his position
    as the school's academic leader.
[09:09] ---
    Shirogane began at the academy
    from high school.
[09:11] ---
    His grades are his biggest lifeline.
[09:14] ---
    To maintain his number one status,
[09:15] ---
    he wouldn't hesitate to strategize or even lie!
[09:19] ---
    Good point.
[09:21] ---
    Tests are a reflection
    of your own abilities.
[09:24] ---
    Even if you push yourself hard
    and get a decent score,
[09:26] ---
    that doesn't predict the future.
[09:28] ---
    She is lying.
[09:30] ---
    The best thing to do
    is take it in a relaxed manner.
[09:32] ---
    It's unusual for her,
[09:32] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[09:33] ---
    but this young lady is taking the finals
    extremely seriously.
[09:37] ---
    Normally, being defeated
    isn't necessarily humiliating to her.
[09:40] ---
    She knows that the occasional defeat
    is part of the secret of success in life.
[09:45] ---
    But when it comes to studying,
    that's a different story.
[09:49] ---
    Shinomiya is a genius,
    but pulling out all the stops,
[09:51] ---
    she hasn't yet beaten Shirogane
    in that field!
[09:54] ---
    Being a creature of pride, that kind
    of defeat is an unforgivable disgrace to her!
[10:00] ---
    Ishigami...
[10:01] ---
    If you don't push yourself to the limit
    this time, you'll be in trouble.
[10:05] ---
    If you fail again...
[10:06] ---
    It'll be fine.
[10:08] ---
    I'm studying hard for finals
    this time around.
[10:11] ---
    Well, I'm going home to study.
[10:13] ---
    He's lying.
[10:15] ---
    This young man only wants to continue
    playing the video game he bought recently.
[10:19] ---
    He has the nerve to buy a game
    right before exams.
[10:22] ---
    He lives fast and recklessly
    as if he's sensed his own time of death.
[10:25] ---
    And getting failing grades
    is the norm for him.
[10:28] ---
    This is the way of Yu Ishigami.
[10:32] ---
    I'm hopeless at Japanese,
    and I know slang from other languages.
[10:34] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[10:37] ---
    None of that's on the test,
    so I don't do well.
[10:39] ---
    The way you study foreign languages
    is kind of unique,
[10:43] ---
    so, maybe studying the normal way
    wouldn't be efficient for you.
[10:46] ---
    And the amount you study won't
    necessarily translate into higher scores.
[10:50] ---
    ROAR
[10:51] ---
    Not studying at all
    is indeed a viable choice.
[10:54] ---
    She's lying.
[10:56] ---
    That's right.
[10:57] ---
    Instead of studying, in the days
    before a test, I just sit cross-legged
[11:01] ---
    and focus on the subject.
[11:03] ---
    He's lying!
[11:05] ---
    I see.
[11:07] ---
    Understood!
[11:09] ---
    I won't study!
[11:10] ---
    HEH
[11:11] ---
    She's serious.
[11:13] ---
    This young woman has gotten tangled up
    in Shirogane and Kaguya's sabotage.
[11:17] ---
    As a result, her class rank
    has steadily dropped.
[11:20] ---
    AVERAGE
[11:20] ---
    Although her grades are average,
    she has a desire to learn.
[11:24] ---
    Despite her personality,
    Fujiwara is a fine student.
[11:27] ---
    She has no reason to be suspicious
    of the words of Shuchiin's top two students.
[11:33] ---
    She doesn't realize
    that they're playing dirty.
[11:37] ---
    The exam is a battle that begins
    before the pen is even picked up!
[11:40] ---
    DUN DUN
[11:41] ---
    Not only relying on brains,
[11:42] ---
    but using information, personal connections
    and assets are all reasonable choices.
[11:47] ---
    A virtual war in which these talented students
    use every bit of ingenuity they possess...
[11:51] ---
    That is what the final exams are!
[11:52] ---
    FINAL EXAMS
[11:56] ---
    197TH OUT OF 199 STUDENTS
    (FIRST-YEAR)
[11:59] ---
    EXAM DAY
[12:01] ---
    I'm nervous!
[12:03] ---
    If my grades drop again,
    so will the amount of my allowance!
[12:07] ---
    Calm down. Panicking now
    won't have any effect on your scores.
[12:11] ---
    You're not nervous, President?
[12:14] ---
    Of course not.
[12:16] ---
    I have faith in my own ability.
[12:19] ---
    I just have to regurgitate
    what I've accumulated so far.
[12:22] ---
    He's lying.
[12:24] ---
    This young man is so nervous
    that he feels like he may vomit.
[12:28] ---
    He's quivering so badly
    that he can't even hold his pen steady!
[12:31] ---
    I will absolutely not lose.
[12:33] ---
    No one but he could know...
[12:36] ---
    1ST: MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    2ND: KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[12:36] ---
    that the pressure a king experiences
[12:38] ---
    is infinitely greater
    than that of challengers to his throne.
[12:41] ---
    Only he knows the heavy burden
    of the eternal quest for perfection.
[12:45] ---
    He knows what it's like
    to compete with a genius.
[12:48] ---
    And he knows how much
    he needs to sacrifice.
[12:51] ---
    Studying is his one and only weapon.
[12:55] ---
    If he couldn't at least get better grades
    than the girl who could do anything,
[12:59] ---
    she would then be far away,
    someone he could only look up at.
[13:04] ---
    He had to win...
[13:07] ---
    Begin!
[13:08] ---
    I just can't lose!
[13:11] ---
    ...to be her equal!
[13:13] ---
    I can't lose to Shinomiya!
[13:20] ---
    1ST: MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    2ND: KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[13:21] ---
    Nice job, Shinomiya.
[13:24] ---
    This could just be a matter of chance.
[13:27] ---
    Next time, who knows?
[13:28] ---
    No, I'm aware of how hard
    you worked, President.
[13:32] ---
    Luck had nothing to do with it.
[13:34] ---
    I still have a ways to go.
[13:37] ---
    But I accept these results.
[13:40] ---
    She's lying.
[13:41] ---
    This young woman...
[13:42] ---
    is so frustrated that it would be no surprise
    if blood shot out of her eyes.
[13:45] ---
    If this weren't a public place,
[13:47] ---
    she would stomp her feet
    and roll around,
[13:48] ---
    STOMP STOMP
[13:50] ---
    ROLL ROLL
[13:50] ---
    but instead, she bit her lip
    to keep the scream locked up inside.
[13:55] ---
    You must be pleased, President.
[13:59] ---
    This makes four years in a row,
    doesn't it?
[14:02] ---
    No, actually, there was
    just too much pressure.
[14:07] ---
    To be honest, I only feel relief.
[14:11] ---
    I don't have it in me
    to feel pleased anymore.
[14:14] ---
    Is that what it's like?
[14:21] ---
    He's lying.
[14:24] ---
    Oh yeah!
[14:24] ---
    This young man is so pleased that he's begun
    shadowboxing for no reason.
[14:25] ---
    Did you see that, Shinomiya?
[14:29] ---
    And so, the final exams
    of lies and deception come to an end.
[14:34] ---
    Okay, okay. It's okay.
[14:36] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[14:36] ---
    Results of today's match...
[14:38] ---
    SHIROGANE WINS
[14:39] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[14:41] ---
    FIRST SEMESTER RESULTS
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE 1ST —> 1ST
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA 2ND —> 2ND
    NAGISA KASHIWAGI 4TH —> 7TH
    CHIKA FUJIWARA 91ST —> 101ST
    AI HAYASAKA 114TH —> 114TH
    KASHIWAGI'S BOYFRIEND 139TH —> 84TH
    YU ISHIGAMI 197TH —> 177TH
[14:45] ---
    Let's back up a bit.
[14:47] ---
    ONE WEEK BEFORE THE TEST
[14:49] ---
    FACULTY ROOM
[14:50] ---
    Ishigami, do you understand your situation?
[14:53] ---
    If you fail any major tests, you'll be
    in danger of being held back next year.
[14:58] ---
    Yeah.
[14:59] ---
    You managed to get into high school.
[15:01] ---
    Are you willing
    to let that chance go to waste?
[15:05] ---
    Anyway, just be sure
    you don't fail the finals coming up.
[15:10] ---
    Got it?
[15:11] ---
    Yeah.
[15:13] ---
    Fail!
[15:14] ---
    At Shuchiin Academy, a grade of less
    than half the average is considered failing.
[15:17] ---
    There are no remedial measures,
    such as supplementary lessons.
[15:20] ---
    Two test failures in a subject
    results in a failing grade.
[15:23] ---
    If a required course is failed,
    the year is repeated.
[15:26] ---
    Ishigami has already received
    three yellow cards.
[15:26] ---
    No, really, I haven't even been sleeping.
[15:28] ---
    If he fails another exam,
    he'll be held back!
[15:29] ---
    This time around, I'm serious.
[15:31] ---
    Well,
[15:33] ---
    as usual, you've got me thinking
    that maybe I should buy a video game.
[15:33] ---
    Even though he's in hot water,
    it's as if he doesn't sense the danger.
[15:39] ---
    It's been a while.
[15:40] ---
    YU ISHIGAMI
    CLOSES HIS EYES
[15:40] ---
    This is unbecoming of a member
    of the student council.
[15:44] ---
    If you do get held back, you won't be
    the only one who's inconvenienced.
[15:46] ---
    ...so I can play for five hours or so.
[15:50] ---
    Ishigami...
[15:52] ---
    Could you come with me for a minute?
[15:55] ---
    What is it?
[15:56] ---
    We can't talk here?
[15:59] ---
    No. It has to be a place with no one else.
[16:02] ---
    Just you and me.
[16:05] ---
    Forget it!
[16:06] ---
    No way! I'm scared!
[16:07] ---
    No!
[16:07] ---
    What's your problem?
    Just come with me!
[16:10] ---
    Are you gonna do
    something terrible to me?
[16:13] ---
    SUPPLY ROOM
[16:21] ---
    This is because you tried to get away.
[16:24] ---
    If you hadn't resisted, I wouldn't have been
    forced to resort to such drastic measures.
[16:29] ---
    You're gonna do something terrible!
[16:34] ---
    Wh-What are you going to do?
[16:38] ---
    You know what kind of situation
    you're in, don't you?
[16:45] ---
    Therefore...
[16:47] ---
    CRITICAL SITUATION!!
    LIFE-THREATENING!!
[16:47] ---
    You're gonna torture and then kill me?
[16:51] ---
    Or, no, maybe she'll just do nasty things
    to me until my mind snaps!
[16:55] ---
    For starters...
[16:56] ---
    Just don't touch my video games!
[16:59] ---
    I'm confiscating your phone
    and blip-blopping device.
[17:04] ---
    I really did incur
    her displeasure!
[17:07] ---
    She's going to take her time
    destroying my spirit.
[17:11] ---
    Stop it!
[17:12] ---
    Please, anything but making me
    eat small fish or forcing me to study!
[17:15] ---
    Okay, next...
[17:19] ---
    please eat all of these dried sardines
[17:21] ---
    and then do all of these drills.
[17:23] ---
    Here, open wide.
[17:25] ---
    They're full of docosahexaenoic acid.
[17:29] ---
    Acid? She's gonna melt
    my internal organs?
[17:32] ---
    HOURS LATER
[17:42] ---
    What kind of torture is this?
[17:42] ---
    This is awful.
[17:45] ---
    But on all of the important points,
    I can catch glimpses of intelligence.
[17:45] ---
    What did I do to deserve this?
[17:49] ---
    It seems you have promise.
[17:53] ---
    We're going to study tomorrow
    at the same time.
[17:57] ---
    In the name of Shinomiya, I swear
    I won't let you fail the finals, Ishigami.
[18:01] ---
    Be grateful.
[18:03] ---
    What's the point
    of trying to make me smarter?
[18:06] ---
    TO PREVENT HIM
    FROM FAILING
[18:09] ---
    And so, the days
    of intensive training continued.
[18:14] ---
    Ishigami made
    several more escape attempts,
[18:16] ---
    but Kaguya caught him every time,
[18:20] ---
    and eventually
    he lost the willpower to resist her.
[18:26] ---
    LIBRARY
[18:28] ---
    This reference book should make it easier.
[18:31] ---
    Take your time
    so you understand it thoroughly.
[18:34] ---
    Really, what's your game here?
[18:38] ---
    What are you talking about?
[18:40] ---
    I heard that if you fail another big test,
[18:42] ---
    there's a good chance
    you'll have to repeat the year.
[18:44] ---
    I'm making sure
    you're studying so that doesn't happen.
[18:47] ---
    That's all?
[18:49] ---
    That's all.
[18:50] ---
    No way.
[18:51] ---
    Shinomiya-senpai, you're that caring?
[18:54] ---
    I don't usually do this kind of thing.
[18:58] ---
    If you want the truth, I'd rather
    be focusing on my own studying.
[19:01] ---
    Then why...
[19:03] ---
    That's Ishigami, isn't it?
[19:06] ---
    For real? Kaguya and Ishigami together?
[19:09] ---
    Why?
[19:10] ---
    Why do you think?
[19:12] ---
    Gross!
[19:14] ---
    That's enough.
[19:18] ---
    I don't really care if I get held back.
[19:23] ---
    Besides, I'm sure you've heard
    about how I messed up in middle school,
[19:27] ---
    which is why you heard
    everyone treats me like I'm a time bomb.
[19:31] ---
    I used to be a problem child
    who refused to go to school.
[19:34] ---
    When other people see us studying together
    and they start weird rumors,
[19:37] ---
    it'll be your name
    that gets dragged through the mud.
[19:42] ---
    True, all the noise in here
    makes it hard to study.
[19:47] ---
    You girls...
[19:49] ---
    The library is supposed to be a quiet place.
[19:52] ---
    Or is there something
    you want to say to me?
[19:58] ---
    Well, you shouldn't really
    get mixed up with Ishigami.
[20:03] ---
    We're just worried about you, Kaguya.
[20:07] ---
    Thank you for the warning.
[20:09] ---
    However,
[20:11] ---
    I don't judge someone
    based on what other people say.
[20:14] ---
    I've already judged Ishigami
    to be worthy of a relationship with me.
[20:21] ---
    Do you have doubts about my judgment?
[20:28] ---
    I appreciate you standing up for me,
    but people are gonna get the wrong idea.
[20:34] ---
    That doesn't matter.
[20:36] ---
    Right now, the most important thing
    is making sure you don't fail.
[20:40] ---
    No matter who gets the wrong idea or what
    they imagine, it's not going to sway me.
[20:43] ---
    But...
[20:44] ---
    I told you.
[20:46] ---
    In the name of Shinomiya,
    I vowed I won't let you fail the finals.
[20:51] ---
    So, I won't abandon you,
    no matter what.
[20:53] ---
    Besides, without you,
    the president would be troubled.
[21:01] ---
    So, if you understand, start writing.
[21:04] ---
    Okay.
[21:08] ---
    It looks like...
[21:10] ---
    there's nothing I can do here.
[21:13] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[21:14] ---
    Days later...
[21:15] ---
    We got through finals, everyone!
[21:19] ---
    Shinomiya-senpai, I managed not to fail.
[21:23] ---
    I guess I kind of had
    the wrong idea about you.
[21:28] ---
    Ishigami...
[21:32] ---
    CRUMPLE
[21:32] ---
    What is this score?
[21:36] ---
    You just barely passed.
[21:39] ---
    After all that time
    I spent helping you study!
[21:43] ---
    I studied pretty hard.
[21:46] ---
    How dare you make me lose face like this?
[21:50] ---
    Oh no! She's terrifying after all!
[21:56] ---
    That's what Shinomiya is like.
[22:00] ---
    She doesn't lie to herself.
[22:03] ---
    If she makes a vow, count on it.
[22:06] ---
    She has a nobility about her.
    She'll keep her word, come what may.
[22:09] ---
    At first, I thought
    she was cold-hearted, too.
[22:12] ---
    But when I realized the truth...
[22:16] ---
    When you realized the truth, what?
[22:18] ---
    Nothing. Forget it.
[22:21] ---
    It's an old story.
[22:22] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:22] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[22:24] ---
    SHIROGANE LOSES
[22:25] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[22:27] ---
    ISHIGAMI IN THE PAST

Season 1

E9 - Kaguya Wants to Give a Gift - Chika Fujiwara Wants to Pay a Visit - About Kaguya Shinomiya, Part 1

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:37] ---
    The god of thunder
    will steal my belly button!
[01:41] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO GIVE A GIFT
[01:41] ---
    You're that afraid of thunder?
[01:43] ---
    After all, it suddenly goes crack
    and then boom!
[01:47] ---
    I hate loud noises!
[01:49] ---
    Then why not cover your ears?
[01:50] ---
    If I cover my ears, then my hands
    aren't free to protect my belly button!
[01:54] ---
    I'd think that'd be obvious! I'd think
    that'd be obvious! I'd think that'd be obvious!
[01:57] ---
    What does "obvious" mean again?
[02:02] ---
    Obvious.
[02:04] ---
    I'm protecting my belly button,
    so please cover my ears, Miss Kaguya.
[02:07] ---
    S-Sure.
[02:09] ---
    OBVIOUS
[02:12] ---
    The trains are stopped
    because of the typhoon!
[02:14] ---
    That's a pain. You'd better call home.
[02:18] ---
    We don't have a car,
    so there's nothing they can do about it.
[02:21] ---
    What am I gonna do?
[02:24] ---
    That's right.
    I can just give him a lift home.
[02:25] ---
    SHUCHIIN ACADEMY
    (MINATO WARD)
[02:27] ---
    SHIROGANE'S HOUSE
    (SETAGAYA WARD)
[02:28] ---
    President, if you like...
[02:31] ---
    Huh? That'd make it a driving date!
[02:35] ---
    Going for a drive!
    That is definitely a kind of date.
[02:39] ---
    Sitting shoulder to shoulder
    in an enclosed space,
[02:41] ---
    listening to pleasant music on the radio
[02:44] ---
    and chatting while cruising
    through town in the rain.
[02:47] ---
    And at red lights...
[02:49] ---
    I wish this light
    would never change to green.
[02:52] ---
    ...is the kind of thing they would think.
[02:55] ---
    Strictly speaking, the presence of Kaguya's
    driver would mean the two weren't alone,
[02:58] ---
    but basically, to her, it would be
    a prime example of a driving date.
[03:02] ---
    Thus...
[03:04] ---
    Ow! That hurts!
[03:07] ---
    It's like I'm asking him out on a date!
[03:07] ---
    Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[03:10] ---
    What's wrong, Shinomiya?
[03:12] ---
    Nothing.
[03:13] ---
    It's nothing.
[03:15] ---
    If the president brought it up,
    that's one thing,
[03:17] ---
    but I can't afford to make the offer.
[03:20] ---
    And yet,
[03:21] ---
    abandoning him to his own devices
    when he has no way to get home would be...
[03:26] ---
    That's it! There's no problem
    if he just says, "Give me a ride."
[03:32] ---
    My taxi is almost here.
[03:35] ---
    Oh, really?
[03:37] ---
    What should I do?
[03:39] ---
    Huh?
[03:40] ---
    The president doesn't have a ride home?
[03:42] ---
    L-Looks like it.
[03:44] ---
    Then why don't we share the—
[03:47] ---
    I just saw a flash of lightning.
[03:50] ---
    I'll cover your ears tight
    so you don't hear the thunder.
[03:53] ---
    Thank you.
[03:56] ---
    I'll cover your eyes, too, while I'm at it.
[03:58] ---
    Why?
[04:00] ---
    Now, I'll escort you to your taxi like this.
[04:00] ---
    Wait!
[04:02] ---
    Miss Kaguya!
[04:03] ---
    I'm scared! I'm scared!
[04:05] ---
    But it's kind of fun!
[04:07] ---
    What kind of game is that?
[04:13] ---
    With the element of chaos out of the way,
    no one's left to interfere.
[04:18] ---
    But how can I get him to say,
    "Give me a ride"?
[04:21] ---
    Crap, I have to work today.
[04:24] ---
    At this rate, I'll miss my shift.
[04:27] ---
    Indeed.
[04:29] ---
    Taking off work because of a typhoon
[04:30] ---
    would disqualify one
    as a member of society.
[04:33] ---
    Paying a taxi fare to get there
    even though it'd cost more than daily wages,
[04:36] ---
    or someone giving them a ride...
[04:39] ---
    To a member of society,
    the choice would be clear, you know?
[04:45] ---
    That was effective.
[04:47] ---
    I'm going to the restroom
    and will think along the way!
[04:49] ---
    Go right ahead.
[04:51] ---
    It's hard to imagine the president
    taking a taxi, cheapskate that he is.
[04:55] ---
    So, naturally,
    he'll come groveling to me.
[04:55] ---
    IT'D PROBABLY BE AROUND 5,000 YEN...
[05:02] ---
    I have this victory in the bag.
[05:05] ---
    5,000 yen.
[05:07] ---
    I make 1,000 an hour,
    so that's five hours of work.
[05:10] ---
    But I'd hate to miss it.
[05:13] ---
    TRAIN OPERATING
    TRAIN OPERATING
    TRAIN DELAYED
    TRAIN OPERATING
[05:13] ---
    Huh? The trains
    are running again!
[05:15] ---
    Why now, of all times?
[05:17] ---
    Pour it on a little harder, typhoon!
[05:22] ---
    This leaves me no choice.
[05:25] ---
    THE SEVEN ANTI-SHIROGANE TOOLS
    TOOL ONE
[05:25] ---
    RECHARGEABLE
    BATTERY IS DEAD
[05:26] ---
    Number one of the Seven
    Anti-Shirogane Tools!
[05:28] ---
    A dead battery!
[05:30] ---
    Anticipating a variety of situations,
[05:33] ---
    Kaguya has prepared a number of items
    to take down Shirogane.
[05:36] ---
    This dead rechargeable battery
    is one of them!
[05:38] ---
    I have about a minute before the president
    returns from the restroom. During that time,
[05:42] ---
    I'll switch out his phone battery!
[05:46] ---
    There isn't much time.
[05:47] ---
    Level of difficulty is very hard.
[05:49] ---
    But I have confidence in myself!
[06:06] ---
    What's the matter, Shinomiya?
[06:07] ---
    N-Nothing. I was just doing
    a little light exercise.
[06:13] ---
    My battery's dead?
[06:17] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya, can I borrow—
[06:19] ---
    L-Looks like my ride's here, too,
    so I'd better get going!
[06:22] ---
    R-Right.
[06:23] ---
    See you tomorrow.
[06:33] ---
    Now I just need to wait here.
[06:38] ---
    Shinomiya, you're getting a ride home?
[06:40] ---
    Please! Give me a ride!
[06:42] ---
    Well, I can hardly refuse
    if you're reduced to begging me.
[06:47] ---
    Poor President, I'll give you a lift home.
[06:50] ---
    You're a goddess!
[06:52] ---
    Um, Lady Kaguya, it's a cute scheme,
[06:57] ---
    but if it works,
    how am I supposed to get home?
[07:00] ---
    On foot.
[07:01] ---
    Are you a demon?
[07:03] ---
    If you don't take better care of me,
[07:05] ---
    karma will take a bite
    out of your ass one day.
[07:07] ---
    Oh, you and your karma...
[07:22] ---
    See?
[07:24] ---
    I was kidding.
[07:25] ---
    I already called a taxi
    for you, Hayasaka.
[07:34] ---
    Jeez!
[07:46] ---
    Well,
[07:48] ---
    I figured this would happen, too.
[07:50] ---
    Then, you should've stopped me before.
[07:54] ---
    I'll take off school today, too.
[07:57] ---
    I'll go make you some porridge.
[08:00] ---
    No, stay by my side, Hayasaka.
[08:04] ---
    I wish you were always this adorable.
[08:08] ---
    Apparently, Shinomiya has a cold.
[08:11] ---
    This will continue
    in the Heart-pounding Visit chapter.
[08:15] ---
    Very nice. I love how you can do
    so many things with it!
[08:16] ---
    SHIROGANE GOT A NEW BATTERY
    FOR HIS (USED, NO WARRANTY) PHONE
[08:21] ---
    Apparently, Shinomiya has a cold.
[08:23] ---
    So, somebody's supposed to deliver
    handouts to her house.
[08:24] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO PAY A VISIT
[08:26] ---
    Me! I'll go!
[08:29] ---
    Fujiwara?
[08:30] ---
    I've visited her at home
    when she was sick once before,
[08:33] ---
    and it's hilarious how much of a baby
    Miss Kaguya becomes when she has a cold!
[08:37] ---
    GRIN
[08:39] ---
    A baby?
[08:40] ---
    President, dry my back.
[08:44] ---
    She's so cute!
[08:44] ---
    GLOW GLOW
[08:46] ---
    It's the one time you can snatch her up
    in a bear hug and she won't get angry!
[08:52] ---
    President, I need a hug.
[08:54] ---
    It wouldn't be fair if one person
    got to monopolize her on her sickbed.
[08:57] ---
    So let's all go together!
[09:00] ---
    All?
[09:01] ---
    Yes!
[09:02] ---
    Wouldn't a crowd barging in on a sick person
    show lack of common sense?
[09:06] ---
    I think one person would be plenty.
[09:08] ---
    TERRIFIED
[09:09] ---
    I don't wanna go because I'm scared.
[09:11] ---
    Good point.
[09:12] ---
    Then, who'll go?
[09:15] ---
    Let's play Concentration to decide!
[09:17] ---
    CONCENTRATION
[09:17] ---
    Concentration!
[09:20] ---
    Needless to say,
    a game that needs no introduction.
[09:22] ---
    We won't use the jokers.
[09:24] ---
    And if anyone's caught cheating,
    they get minus five points.
[09:29] ---
    We'll see who's first
    with rock-paper-scissors.
[09:33] ---
    All right, we'll start with the president!
[09:36] ---
    Then, let's begin!
[09:38] ---
    Hold your horses, Fujiwara!
[09:40] ---
    Wh-Wh-What is it, President?
[09:43] ---
    There are a number of points
    I'm not clear about.
[09:47] ---
    First, the fact that you challenged us
    to a memory game.
[09:49] ---
    I don't quite get that.
[09:51] ---
    Normally, I'd think you'd choose
    a game you were actually good at.
[09:55] ---
    And you breezed through this rule,
[09:57] ---
    but minus five points for cheating?
[10:00] ---
    Not instant disqualification?
[10:02] ---
    That made me wary.
[10:03] ---
    I may not have noticed
    if you'd kept your mouth shut,
[10:08] ---
    but these designs
    kinda look like numbers.
[10:14] ---
    This is a marked deck!
[10:16] ---
    It really is!
[10:18] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai, that's low! Underhanded!
[10:20] ---
    And getting caught
    by the gambit you relied on!
[10:23] ---
    That's the most embarrassing thing!
[10:25] ---
    I'm embarrassed for you!
    I'm going home!
[10:28] ---
    Shame, shame, shame, shame,
    shame, shame, shame, shame...
[10:30] ---
    That's enough, Ishigami.
[10:32] ---
    We accepted her rule about cheating
    which this surely would've fallen under.
[10:37] ---
    We only touched the deck, so we're fine.
[10:38] ---
    That's right! It's only cheating
    if you get caught! Nyah!
[10:44] ---
    No, you certainly got caught.
[10:46] ---
    Getting back on track...
[10:48] ---
    In the first half of the game,
[10:51] ---
    these flawed, but talented students
    remembered the position of each card.
[10:54] ---
    As the game proceeded,
    they earned points, making no mistakes.
[10:57] ---
    Shirogane, 10 points.
    Fujiwara, 8 points. Ishigami, 10 points.
[11:02] ---
    There were 24 cards left.
[11:06] ---
    Now I'm tied with you, Ishigami.
[11:09] ---
    President, wipe my front, too.
[11:12] ---
    You guys have really good memories.
[11:17] ---
    I'm gonna raise the bar a bit!
[11:18] ---
    What?
[11:20] ---
    Mixing them up!
[11:21] ---
    An extremely annoying strategy to destroy
    their memories of the cards' positions.
[11:25] ---
    MIXING THE CARDS
[11:27] ---
    Crap! I can't remember which is which!
[11:29] ---
    After moving the cards around,
    Fujiwara smoothly won several points,
[11:33] ---
    even making up
    for the penalty for cheating!
[11:37] ---
    Let's enjoy the rest of the game, you guys!
[11:42] ---
    Uh-oh. I'm in last place!
[11:42] ---
    SHIROGANE: 10
    FUJIWARA: 18 (-5)
    ISHIGAMI: 12
[11:43] ---
    CARDS REMAINING: 12
[11:45] ---
    At this rate, I won't be able to see
    Shinomiya acting like a baby!
[11:48] ---
    President, pet my head.
[11:52] ---
    What should I bring her?
[11:55] ---
    She almost never gets sick,
    so this is a rare opportunity!
[11:58] ---
    Well, I'm not surprised she got a cold
    after being drenched like that.
[12:01] ---
    Shinomiya got drenched?
    She got a ride home, didn't she?
[12:06] ---
    Beats me. I just know
    what I happened to see.
[12:13] ---
    She was in front of the school gate
    waiting for someone, I suppose.
[12:19] ---
    Maybe...
[12:21] ---
    she was waiting for me?
[12:23] ---
    There's no definite proof.
[12:27] ---
    If it was me...
[12:30] ---
    Then, never mind
    Shinomiya acting like a baby.
[12:32] ---
    I'm an idiot for thinking
    about nothing but silly things!
[12:35] ---
    I'm the one who needs
    to visit her at home!
[12:39] ---
    Use your head for something
    other than fantasizing about nonsense!
[12:43] ---
    13.
[12:44] ---
    13! Damn it! The matching card
    appeared a minute ago!
[12:47] ---
    Is she gonna get this one, too?
[12:51] ---
    Nope.
[12:58] ---
    Was it just a mistake?
[13:02] ---
    No, wait.
[13:08] ---
    I see.
[13:10] ---
    It's your turn, President!
[13:13] ---
    I got it!
[13:13] ---
    SHIROGANE: 10
[13:14] ---
    SHIROGANE: 12
[13:15] ---
    I got it!
[13:15] ---
    SHIROGANE: 12
[13:16] ---
    SHIROGANE: 14
[13:16] ---
    SHIROGANE: 14
[13:16] ---
    I got it!
[13:17] ---
    SHIROGANE: 16
[13:17] ---
    SHIROGANE: 18
[13:20] ---
    I win.
[13:21] ---
    FINAL SCORE:
    1ST PLACE - SHIROGANE: 18
    2ND PLACE - FUJIWARA: 18 (-5)
    3RD PLACE - ISHIGAMI: 16
[13:22] ---
    Shirogane took first place.
[13:26] ---
    That was some comeback.
[13:29] ---
    Well, if you know the trick, it's a cinch.
[13:31] ---
    Trick?
[13:34] ---
    The unusual thing about these cards
    is that the patterns aren't symmetrical,
[13:38] ---
    so you can use them like this.
[13:45] ---
    I see!
[13:46] ---
    The hands on a clock!
[13:47] ---
    That's right.
    By placing the cards at an angle,
[13:49] ---
    you can reveal their face values
    from 1 to 12.
[13:53] ---
    So, Fujiwara wanted to place
    the 13 cards far away
[13:55] ---
    since they didn't figure into her plan.
[13:57] ---
    Moving the cards around
    was also done to hide her trick.
[14:01] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai...
[14:05] ---
    That's low!
[14:07] ---
    Underhanded! Playing dirty!
    You haven't learned your lesson at all!
[14:10] ---
    You're shameless!
    How did you get to be so shameless?
[14:13] ---
    The most shameful thing is how he won
    by finding your method and using it himself!
[14:17] ---
    For shame!
    Again, shame on you, Fujiwara-senpai!
[14:21] ---
    Don't look at me!
[14:22] ---
    A-After all... After all...
[14:26] ---
    I just wanted to visit her at home!
[14:29] ---
    I wanna die, so I'm going home.
[14:31] ---
    Is that right?
[14:34] ---
    But please don't die on us!
[14:38] ---
    Even though it worked on my sisters...
[14:41] ---
    Can you believe her brass?
[14:44] ---
    This just goes to show
    how shallow analog gamers are!
[14:47] ---
    It's like she dug herself into a hole!
[14:51] ---
    This happens when you do something
    that doesn't suit you.
[14:53] ---
    Shinomiya wouldn't have gotten
    tripped up like that.
[14:56] ---
    Shinomiya would have...
[15:00] ---
    Crap! Now I'm nervous!
[15:03] ---
    What should I bring her?
[15:06] ---
    I wanna eat canned peaches, Hayasaka.
[15:10] ---
    Yes, yes.
[15:12] ---
    The Heart-pounding Visit
    continues to Part Two.
[15:12] ---
    WHAT DO YOU GIVE A RICH PERSON?
[15:16] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[15:17] ---
    FAILURE
[15:19] ---
    SINCE NEITHER OF THEM
    HAD A STRATEGY
[15:29] ---
    This is the famous Shinomiya Villa!
[15:32] ---
    I saw it online before,
    but up close, it's amazing!
[15:36] ---
    Maybe I should've done more
    than bring drinks and jello.
[15:42] ---
    I have been appointed to the role
    of Lady Kaguya's caretaker.
[15:47] ---
    My name is Smithee A. Herthaka.
[15:49] ---
    Pleased to make your acquaintance.
[15:53] ---
    COLOR CONTACTS
[15:54] ---
    STUFFED A BIT
[15:57] ---
    A maid!
[15:59] ---
    I assume you have come
    to visit Lady Kaguya.
[16:00] ---
    ABOUT KAGUYA SHINOMIYA,
    PART 1
[16:04] ---
    Yes, exactly!
[16:06] ---
    Then, I'll show you to her room.
[16:09] ---
    Um, actually...
[16:10] ---
    I'm only here
    to deliver handouts to Shinomiya!
[16:14] ---
    I was thinking you could
    give it to her, Miss Herthaka!
[16:17] ---
    Don't chicken out after coming this far.
[16:22] ---
    Right this way.
[16:24] ---
    Yes, but...
[16:25] ---
    Honestly, I think it would be best
    if you gave it to Lady Kaguya directly.
[16:29] ---
    But...
[16:32] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[16:35] ---
    you have a visitor.
[16:39] ---
    Hey! What are you doing, Lady Kaguya?
[16:41] ---
    Messy!
[16:43] ---
    But I can't find them.
[16:46] ---
    What are you looking for?
[16:48] ---
    Fireworks.
[16:49] ---
    Fireworks?
[16:50] ---
    You'll do them with me,
    won't you, Hayasaka?
[16:53] ---
    I certainly will not.
[16:55] ---
    Summer is around the corner.
    I can understand why you'd jump the gun.
[16:59] ---
    Your priority is to recover from this cold.
[17:01] ---
    Meanie! I wanna do fireworks!
[17:05] ---
    That aside, you have a visitor.
[17:08] ---
    A visitor?
[17:16] ---
    President!
[17:17] ---
    What are you doing here, President?
[17:20] ---
    Well, um...
[17:22] ---
    Are you living here from now on?
    I didn't hear about that!
[17:25] ---
    No! I'm not moving in!
[17:27] ---
    Miss Herthaka, what's wrong with her?
[17:29] ---
    According to Sigmund Freud,
[17:31] ---
    human actions are determined
    by one's desire, the id,
[17:33] ---
    ID (DESIRE)
[17:34] ---
    and one's reason, the ego.
[17:34] ---
    EGO (REASON)
[17:38] ---
    I WANT TO SLEEP
[17:39] ---
    Human instincts produce
    the desires of the id
[17:41] ---
    I WANT TO PUNCH
[17:42] ---
    while it's the duty of the ego to act
    as a brake that suppresses those desires.
[17:43] ---
    I WANT TO EAT
[17:44] ---
    I WANT TO PLAY
[17:46] ---
    However, if the ability to think,
[17:49] ---
    which is the source of the ego,
    is lost for some reason,
[17:52] ---
    the person becomes a beast
    that acts according to the id.
[17:57] ---
    In other words,
    the person becomes a simpleton.
[17:59] ---
    A simpleton?
[18:00] ---
    And for people whose brains
    are normally in full gear,
[18:03] ---
    the effect is markedly pronounced.
[18:07] ---
    At a glance, it looks like she's awake,
[18:09] ---
    but she's actually in the middle
    of a fever dream.
[18:13] ---
    Once she's on her feet,
[18:15] ---
    she'll have no memory at all
    of the time she was sick.
[18:18] ---
    It's as if she were drunk.
[18:20] ---
    This is getting strange again.
[18:22] ---
    Well, I need to get back to work,
[18:26] ---
    so please keep Lady Kaguya company.
[18:29] ---
    Understood.
[18:30] ---
    Listen, I can assure you no one will enter
    this room during the next three hours,
[18:36] ---
    but you mustn't do anything inappropriate.
[18:39] ---
    I-I won't.
[18:41] ---
    On top of that,
    this room is soundproofed,
[18:45] ---
    and Lady Kaguya will have
    no recollection of your visit.
[18:48] ---
    So no matter what you do,
    no one will be the wiser,
[18:50] ---
    but absolutely...
[18:53] ---
    do not do anything inappropriate.
[18:56] ---
    I said I wouldn't!
[19:08] ---
    Shinomiya, I bought you
    a variety of drinks.
[19:11] ---
    Want one?
[19:12] ---
    Fireworks?
[19:14] ---
    No, they're not fireworks.
[19:16] ---
    It's useless.
[19:17] ---
    Shinomiya isn't even in a state
    to have a conversation.
[19:20] ---
    If I'm honest with myself, my filthy mind
    was hoping I could help her drink it,
[19:25] ---
    but she's much weaker
    than I anticipated.
[19:29] ---
    If I take advantage of this,
[19:30] ---
    I might be able to get Shinomiya's
    true feelings and weaknesses out of her.
[19:34] ---
    However...
[19:37] ---
    Shinomiya, is it my fault
    you caught this cold?
[19:42] ---
    You intended to give me a ride
    yesterday, didn't you?
[19:45] ---
    And you were waiting
    at the school gate, which is when...
[19:50] ---
    I don't know.
[19:52] ---
    I kinda feel like that's right,
    and I kinda feel like that's wrong.
[19:55] ---
    Well, which is it?
[19:57] ---
    President, are you mad?
[20:01] ---
    I'm sorry.
[20:02] ---
    No, you didn't say anything
    to make me mad.
[20:05] ---
    No.
[20:07] ---
    I'm always doing things
    that make trouble for you.
[20:11] ---
    I never know what to do.
[20:14] ---
    For so many things,
[20:17] ---
    it's the first time for me,
    so I don't know.
[20:22] ---
    IF YOU ARE A SHINOMIYA,
    DO NOT RELY ON ANYONE. INSTEAD, USE THEM.
    DO NOT RECEIVE ANYTHING. INSTEAD, STEAL.
    DO NOT LOVE ANYONE. THERE IS NO INSTEAD.
[20:22] ---
    So,
[20:24] ---
    all I can do is behave the way I know how.
[20:29] ---
    I don't know any other ways.
[20:32] ---
    This is the only way I can do it.
[20:35] ---
    So, for today...
[20:43] ---
    let's sleep together.
[20:45] ---
    No, Shinomiya!
[20:48] ---
    Are you shy?
[20:52] ---
    How cute.
[20:54] ---
    Wait a second!
[20:55] ---
    Shinomiya will forget this, too,
    and no one will come into the room?
[21:00] ---
    This situation
    is just too convenient!
[21:02] ---
    And I'm not confident
    that I can control myself!
[21:06] ---
    What the hell...
[21:07] ---
    has happened to me?
[21:10] ---
    ID AND EGO
[21:14] ---
    SLEEP DEPRIVED
[21:27] ---
    What time is it?
[21:28] ---
    Feels like I've just come out of hibernation.
[21:43] ---
    President?
[21:44] ---
    What were you doing in my bed?
[21:46] ---
    I-I just came over to visit you!
[21:48] ---
    What kinda man takes the opportunity
    to crawl into bed? Unbelievable!
[21:52] ---
    You invited me!
[21:53] ---
    In your dreams! How could you
    do it when I was sleeping!
[21:57] ---
    You're scum!
    Get out of here right now!
[22:03] ---
    Oh, dear. I thought
    something like this might happen.
[22:08] ---
    But it looks like you're well rested anyway.
[22:12] ---
    H-Hayasaka,
[22:14] ---
    how far did I go with the president?
[22:16] ---
    I couldn't say.
[22:18] ---
    Even after...
[22:19] ---
    Even after I totally held back!
    I held back for all I was worth!
[22:23] ---
    The Heart-pounding Visit: The End.
[22:26] ---
    Well, I guess nothing happened.

Season 1

E10 - Kaguya Won't Forgive - Kaguya Wants to Forgive - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Go Somewhere

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Carnage!
[00:03] ---
    In Hindu mythology,
[00:04] ---
    it indicates the location of the battle
    of Asura demigods and the King of Heaven,
[00:07] ---
    but at present, it's mainly used
    to mean two other things.
[00:11] ---
    The first is crunch time
    right before a deadline.
[00:15] ---
    And the other...
[00:17] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[00:18] ---
    is a scene of difficulties
    between two people!
[01:55] ---
    Please eat it.
[01:56] ---
    Give me a break. You eat it, Shinomiya.
[01:59] ---
    KAGUYA WON'T FORGIVE
[02:02] ---
    It's my fault.
[02:04] ---
    If I hadn't eaten any...
[02:06] ---
    Explaining this situation requires
    two incidents to be touched on.
[02:11] ---
    THE FIRST INCIDENT:
    "THE KAGUYA HOME VISIT INCIDENT"
[02:12] ---
    Kaguya was out of it with a fever
    when she pulled Shirogane into her bed.
[02:12] ---
    SCOOP: KAGUYA HOME
    VISIT INCIDENT
    THE CARETAKER
    WAS WATCHING!!
[02:17] ---
    As a result, they slept next to each other
    for hours and nothing more,
[02:21] ---
    but when Kaguya came to her senses,
[02:22] ---
    she was justifiably bewildered
    and flew into a rage.
[02:25] ---
    However, an on-the-scene inspection
    proved Shirogane innocent for the time being,
[02:29] ---
    and they handled it like adults.
[02:31] ---
    I apologize for yelling at you.
[02:33] ---
    No, it's my fault.
[02:34] ---
    They reconciled, but...
[02:37] ---
    there was still ill will!
[02:39] ---
    In Kaguya's point of view,
[02:40] ---
    he took advantage of her when she was
    weakened with a cold, sharing her bed.
[02:45] ---
    Maybe he touched her
    when she was sleeping?
[02:47] ---
    It made her feel uneasy.
[02:49] ---
    And if he didn't do anything,
[02:51] ---
    that ticked her off, too!
[02:53] ---
    It made her feel dissatisfied.
[02:55] ---
    But as for Shirogane,
    he had a bone to pick, too.
[02:58] ---
    He was the one
    dragged into Shinomiya's bed,
[03:01] ---
    and not only did she not understand
    a man's hardship
[03:03] ---
    of exerting every iota of self-restraint,
    barely holding on,
[03:05] ---
    but she also continued
    to view him with suspicion.
[03:08] ---
    So, it was only natural that he harbor
    some resentment toward her.
[03:12] ---
    These feelings of discontent would continue
    to mount, leading to an inevitable blowup.
[03:16] ---
    THE SECOND INCIDENT:
    "THE CAKE INCIDENT"!
[03:18] ---
    EARLIER
[03:19] ---
    What's this?
[03:21] ---
    It's from the headmaster.
    Help yourself.
[03:24] ---
    Yay!
[03:28] ---
    This is all the cake there is?
[03:30] ---
    I wish the headmaster
    were more considerate.
[03:32] ---
    He should've at least given us
    enough for all the members.
[03:35] ---
    Well, earlier, you and I
    were the only ones here, President, so...
[03:41] ---
    Don't worry. Eat up, Ishigami.
[03:43] ---
    I don't need any.
[03:44] ---
    No, please have it, President.
[03:46] ---
    Don't mind me.
[03:47] ---
    It's okay. You eat it, Shinomiya.
[03:49] ---
    No, no, you, President.
[03:51] ---
    No, really, go ahead.
[03:52] ---
    No, I insist.
[03:53] ---
    I insist!
[03:54] ---
    No, I insist!
[04:00] ---
    Just eat it already!
[04:01] ---
    You should eat it, President!
[04:04] ---
    Discontent. This is where it blows up!
[04:06] ---
    ONE MINUTE LATER
[04:07] ---
    Girls like this kind of thing,
    so don't hold back.
[04:09] ---
    You don't have an aversion to sweets,
    do you, President? So, please.
[04:10] ---
    Essentially polite,
    willing to give up their share.
[04:13] ---
    Look, while you're arguing,
    it's getting mushy.
[04:13] ---
    FIVE MINUTES LATER
[04:14] ---
    But as the minutes passed,
    it entered into a new phase.
[04:15] ---
    Yes, right.
    And it's almost time to go home.
[04:17] ---
    I'm a slow eater,
    so by all means, President.
[04:20] ---
    My hand's already getting tired
    from holding this plate!
[04:21] ---
    20 MINUTES LATER
[04:23] ---
    If you eat it, this whole issue
    would be settled peacefully, right?
[04:26] ---
    You're so stubborn.
[04:26] ---
    ONE HOUR LATER
[04:28] ---
    Would you just eat it, already?
[04:30] ---
    There's no need for you
    to be so obstinate here, President.
[04:34] ---
    After an hour of this, no one would object
    to it being called "a scene of carnage."
[04:38] ---
    The place had turned into
    an underworld of mingled resentment!
[04:41] ---
    The cake wants you
    to eat it, too, President!
[04:43] ---
    It's my fault.
[04:44] ---
    If I hadn't eaten a piece,
    this never would've happened.
[04:44] ---
    Use common sense when you speak!
    Cake can't talk!
[04:48] ---
    Prove to me that cake can't talk!
[04:48] ---
    This has become a disaster.
[04:50] ---
    Extraordinary claims
    require extraordinary proof!
[04:51] ---
    I've got it!
[04:53] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai!
[04:56] ---
    Fujiwara-senpai is the only one
    who can stop those two!
[05:00] ---
    Why are you being so pigheaded
    about not eating it?
[05:03] ---
    There's a limit
    to how stubborn one can be!
[05:05] ---
    Yes, I admit to being stubborn!
[05:08] ---
    But it's because of something
    you said before, Shinomiya!
[05:11] ---
    Just what did I say?
[05:13] ---
    It was right after we both started
    in the student council!
[05:18] ---
    Do you have any hobbies, Shinomiya?
[05:21] ---
    No, but is that any of your business?
[05:23] ---
    Not really.
[05:27] ---
    It's just that your eyes are so lifeless.
[05:30] ---
    I was wondering
    if there was anything that you liked.
[05:33] ---
    Something I like...
[05:36] ---
    Shortcake.
[05:38] ---
    That's what you said!
[05:40] ---
    I could never forget that face!
[05:45] ---
    Why would you remember
    something so trivial from that long ago?
[05:48] ---
    How could I forget?
[05:50] ---
    Is that right? Is that right?
[05:53] ---
    The tip of my nose itches!
    I'm going to scratch!
[05:55] ---
    Don't mind me!
[05:57] ---
    Sure, scratch all you like!
[06:03] ---
    He remembered from that long ago.
[06:07] ---
    If that's your story,
    then I've got one, too!
[06:10] ---
    What?
[06:11] ---
    The end of last year!
[06:16] ---
    What are you going to do
    for Christmas, President?
[06:20] ---
    Work.
[06:21] ---
    Oh, really?
[06:23] ---
    That's tough.
[06:24] ---
    Not especially.
[06:26] ---
    To me, Christmas is just another day.
[06:30] ---
    My old man gives me a gift certificate
    for 2,000 yen worth of books. That's it.
[06:35] ---
    We don't really celebrate,
    and I've never had Christmas cake.
[06:39] ---
    Not that I'm envious or anything.
[06:43] ---
    Hearing that made me kind of sad!
[06:46] ---
    You've never been able to have it before,
    so I want you to eat this cake, President!
[06:54] ---
    You remember that?
[06:56] ---
    Is that right? Is that right?
[06:59] ---
    Actually, my forehead itches!
    Never mind me while I scratch it!
[07:02] ---
    Scratch away! I don't care!
[07:08] ---
    Enough!
[07:10] ---
    Since it's come to this, I have an idea!
[07:12] ---
    For today only, I'll feed you!
[07:15] ---
    No, just the opposite!
[07:18] ---
    I'll feed you, Shinomiya!
[07:20] ---
    Please don't steal my feeding idea!
[07:22] ---
    Don't be shy! Just open your mouth!
[07:25] ---
    You open your mouth, Shinomiya!
[07:26] ---
    - Open wide!
    - Open wide!
[07:33] ---
    This isn't getting us anywhere!
    You have a bite, and then I'll have a bite!
[07:37] ---
    No, you go first! If you eat it, I'll eat it!
[07:40] ---
    No complaints if we eat
    at the same time?
[07:42] ---
    That's fine!
[07:44] ---
    GRR GRR
[07:46] ---
    Here I go!
[07:58] ---
    This is the Friend Police!
[08:00] ---
    Are you the naughty kids
    who've been fighting?
[08:05] ---
    NO FIGHTING!
[08:08] ---
    IF YOU CAN'T GET ALONG,
    I'LL CONFISCATE YOUR CAKE!
[08:14] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:14] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[08:16] ---
    Kaguya and Shirogane lose.
[08:16] ---
    KAGUYA AND SHIROGANE LOSE
[08:19] ---
    WAR CRIMINAL
[08:19] ---
    MMM, YUMMY
[08:23] ---
    Romantic advice?
[08:26] ---
    Well, it's not really romantic, but...
[08:27] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO FORGIVE
[08:30] ---
    advice about the opposite sex.
[08:32] ---
    Um, like a good way to make up with someone
    of the opposite sex you had a fight with.
[08:38] ---
    Since you have a boyfriend,
    Miss Kashiwagi,
[08:40] ---
    I thought maybe you'd have
    some useful advice.
[08:50] ---
    Seriously?
[08:52] ---
    You're asking me for romantic advice?
[08:54] ---
    Well, not exactly romantic,
[08:57] ---
    I want to see if you know a way
[08:58] ---
    to make peace with someone
    of the opposite sex you had a fight with.
[09:01] ---
    I see. In that case,
    you've come to the right person.
[09:05] ---
    I'm the Love Master.
[09:08] ---
    Seriously?
[09:09] ---
    I'm kidding.
[09:10] ---
    You're kidding?
[09:12] ---
    But I do read a lot of romcom manga.
[09:15] ---
    I guess that would work.
[09:18] ---
    I'm asking for a friend.
[09:21] ---
    When you put it like that,
[09:23] ---
    it sounds like you're talking
    about yourself, President.
[09:26] ---
    But you wouldn't be that clichéd,
    would you?
[09:29] ---
    Yeah, right, as if.
[09:32] ---
    So...
[09:33] ---
    So, Miss Shinomiya, what were you
    and this person fighting about?
[09:38] ---
    Well...
[09:40] ---
    By the way, I'm asking for a friend.
    It's not me.
[09:43] ---
    This is definitely about Miss Shinomiya.
[09:46] ---
    A friend of mine, a girl,
    came down with a cold,
[09:49] ---
    and then, a boy visited her at home.
[09:53] ---
    But while she was delirious
    with a fever...
[09:57] ---
    Um...
[09:59] ---
    I guess you could say they slept together.
[10:02] ---
    When she woke up,
    the boy was in bed next to her.
[10:06] ---
    That's terrible! Shameless!
    What a brute!
[10:09] ---
    Of course...
[10:10] ---
    nothing happened!
[10:12] ---
    In fact, the girl was so out of it
    that it's possible she initiated...
[10:18] ---
    Even so!
[10:19] ---
    It's especially when a girl
    is in a weakened state
[10:22] ---
    that the man must have morals
    and not do anything!
[10:25] ---
    I agree. That's the correct way
    to see it, right?
[10:28] ---
    That boy doesn't have any morals, right?
[10:31] ---
    Right? Right? Right? Right?
    Right? Right? Right? Right?
[10:31] ---
    RIGHT!?
[10:33] ---
    What's wrong with that girl?
[10:37] ---
    She sounds like a lunatic!
[10:39] ---
    What kind of woman invites you into her bed,
    then berates you the next morning?
[10:43] ---
    Sounds like she's got no morals.
[10:45] ---
    That woman sounds like
    a real pain in the ass.
[10:48] ---
    In a romcom, she'd be the standard
    black-haired, flat-chested type.
[10:51] ---
    Typical, typical.
[10:51] ---
    Incredible. Once he gets going,
    he doesn't stop.
[10:54] ---
    Being loopy with a fever is no excuse.
[10:57] ---
    I mean, she pulled a dude into bed.
[10:59] ---
    Bet you anything she's a nympho.
[11:01] ---
    At a glance, she's prim and proper,
    not to mention stuck-up.
[11:05] ---
    The way she expresses
    her sexual desire is twisted, selfish!
[11:07] ---
    She says, "I'm not interested in men,"
    but with a handsome guy,
[11:10] ---
    she'll get her teeth into him
    in no time!
[11:11] ---
    If a man is a wolf,
    then, a woman's a snake.
[11:14] ---
    Quick to get entangled
    and swallows the tail.
[11:15] ---
    Ouroboros, I'm telling you!
    Not me! Not this cat!
[11:18] ---
    I'm sure after the guy left, she rubbed—
[11:20] ---
    Okay, hit the brakes, Ishigami.
[11:22] ---
    Look, even so, the guy really
    shouldn't have gone along with it.
[11:27] ---
    There had to be a gentle way
    of getting out of it, but he just didn't do it.
[11:33] ---
    No.
[11:34] ---
    He probably didn't want to get out of it.
[11:36] ---
    - Fight!
    - Yeah!
[11:39] ---
    But they apologized to each other
    about it, so it's settled.
[11:44] ---
    The thing is, after that, the boy acted
    totally normal as if nothing had happened.
[11:52] ---
    I feel you.
[11:54] ---
    The girl is like on pins and needles,
    while the guy has already moved on...
[12:00] ---
    when it wasn't just some minor mishap.
[12:02] ---
    Exactly!
[12:04] ---
    So, it's only natural for her
    to be a little annoyed with him, right?
[12:10] ---
    Of course!
[12:11] ---
    In the first place,
    they were in the same bed,
[12:13] ---
    so the man should take responsibility
    and tell her how he feels about her!
[12:17] ---
    Th-That's right!
[12:19] ---
    He's being too irresponsible, right?
[12:21] ---
    Right? Right? Right?
[12:22] ---
    Shut up, you moron!
[12:25] ---
    They apologized to each other, right?
[12:27] ---
    Then, it should be over and done with!
[12:29] ---
    Why the hell is she dragging it out?
[12:31] ---
    He's so loud.
[12:33] ---
    Just hearing that pisses me off!
[12:36] ---
    How about if I give
    that woman a talking-to?
[12:38] ---
    I'll tell her what time it is!
[12:40] ---
    But...
[12:41] ---
    that's fine as it is.
[12:43] ---
    She doesn't want him
    to take responsibility or anything.
[12:47] ---
    Then, what's to be angry about?
[12:50] ---
    What's to be... angry about?
[12:53] ---
    If he didn't lay a finger on you and you
    don't want him to take responsibility...
[13:00] ---
    then, what's to be angry about,
    Miss Shinomiya?
[13:06] ---
    I can't say.
[13:08] ---
    I just can't say it!
[13:10] ---
    That I actually wanted him
    to do something, just a little!
[13:13] ---
    I'm sorry.
[13:14] ---
    Am I really that unappealing?
[13:14] ---
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
[13:17] ---
    I can't tell her I'm angry
    about something that silly!
[13:20] ---
    Of course I can't tell anyone about that!
[13:22] ---
    That? Th-Th-That?
[13:25] ---
    That's how a guy should be like when
    a woman is pissed about some trivial thing.
[13:29] ---
    Anyway, for a man to try to understand
    everything about a woman,
[13:32] ---
    it's probably just a fool's errand.
[13:35] ---
    In the end, your friend
    should just chill out until the heat's off.
[13:41] ---
    If he doesn't have anything
    to feel guilty about,
[13:43] ---
    then there's no need for him to apologize.
[13:47] ---
    Nothing to feel guilty about, huh?
[14:07] ---
    Shinomiya, there's something
    I have to tell you.
[14:12] ---
    What is it?
[14:14] ---
    I told you I didn't lay a finger on you,
[14:18] ---
    but...
[14:19] ---
    the truth is...
[14:21] ---
    I did lay just one finger on you!
[14:31] ---
    Where did you...
[14:33] ---
    touch me?
[14:35] ---
    Your lips.
[14:41] ---
    I maybe just tapped them
    with my pointer finger.
[14:43] ---
    I mean, not in any weird sense
    or like a prank or—
[14:46] ---
    President...
[14:51] ---
    Now we're even.
[15:05] ---
    Starting tomorrow,
    we'll be back to normal, right?
[15:10] ---
    Y-Yeah.
[15:28] ---
    Results of today's match...
[15:28] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[15:30] ---
    They both won.
[15:30] ---
    THEY BOTH WON
    (SUCCESSFULLY MADE UP)
[15:33] ---
    PASSING BY
[15:34] ---
    HUH...
[15:38] ---
    Great work, student council!
[15:40] ---
    And it's summer vacation
    starting tomorrow!
[15:43] ---
    - Yay!
    - Yay!
[15:44] ---
    RUSTLE RUSTLE
[15:47] ---
    Do you have any special plans,
    Shinomiya?
[15:50] ---
    Go shopping a little is about all.
[15:54] ---
    Will you be busy working, President?
[15:56] ---
    Nope.
[15:56] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO GO SOMEWHERE
[15:57] ---
    When they adjusted the schedule,
    they kind of short-sheeted me.
[15:59] ---
    That leaves me
    with a lot of time on my hands.
[16:02] ---
    I'd like to do something.
[16:04] ---
    Yes, I'd like to do something.
[16:06] ---
    - Right, Fujiwara?
    - Right, Miss Fujiwara?
[16:09] ---
    SUMMER VACATION PLANS!!
[16:10] ---
    Summer vacation plans!
[16:12] ---
    - Mountains!
    - Beach!
[16:13] ---
    Mt. Osore!
[16:14] ---
    The topic of a trip was discussed once
    but ended up getting put off.
[16:19] ---
    Will it come to nothing or be carried out?
[16:22] ---
    The moment had come
    to make that decision.
[16:25] ---
    There are many events that take place
    during summer vacation.
[16:25] ---
    AUGUST
[16:25] ---
    TRIP
    FIREWORKS
    SUMMER FESTIVAL
    BBQ
    BEACH
[16:28] ---
    Whether a coed group
    goes to these events together
[16:31] ---
    all depends on whether
    they get off to a good start.
[16:34] ---
    By going somewhere together
    for the first time...
[16:36] ---
    "Where should we go next?"
    "Let's all go somewhere again."
[16:39] ---
    And that opens up possibilities.
[16:41] ---
    On the other hand,
    if they stumble at the start,
[16:43] ---
    the psychological hurdle
    for a coed plan becomes higher!
[16:46] ---
    Boys will stick with the boys,
    girls with the girls,
[16:50] ---
    and that's how they'll spend
    summer vacation.
[16:52] ---
    If they fail here,
    it'll be a gray summer vacation!
[16:56] ---
    THE GIRL'S SANDAL BREAKS,
    AND I MUST CARRY HER
[16:56] ---
    No! No! No! No! No! No!
    No! No! No! No! No! No!
[16:57] ---
    TEST OF COURAGE
[16:58] ---
    GOING HOME
    TO THE COUNTRY
    AND SEEING YOUR
    CHILDHOOD FRIEND
[16:58] ---
    TIME LEAPS AND
    DIFFERENT DIMENSION
    SUMMONS
[16:58] ---
    ONE-SUMMER
    ADVENTURES
    ARE SURELY
    NOT POSSIBLE
[16:59] ---
    DOING
    HOMEWORK
    TOGETHER
[17:01] ---
    LOVEY-DOVEY
    WORDS THAT GET
    MUTED THROUGH
    EXPLODING
    FIREWORKS
[17:02] ---
    GOING ON
    COED TRIPS
    TOGETHER
[17:02] ---
    OH NO,
    I NEED
    TO DO CPR
[17:02] ---
    FINDING LOVE
    AT THE TEMP JOB
[17:03] ---
    Nooo!
[17:03] ---
    SWIMSUITS AND BBQ
    AT THE BEACH
[17:04] ---
    Reality!
[17:05] ---
    That's what reality is!
[17:08] ---
    A trip with Shinomiya?
[17:10] ---
    Of course I wanna go!
[17:13] ---
    But if I bring up the idea of a trip here...
[17:17] ---
    Oh, President...
    Are you bringing up that again?
[17:22] ---
    That was like a one-shot topic. I mean,
    it wasn't a serious conversation, right?
[17:28] ---
    Are you really thinking of going?
[17:31] ---
    Did you have your heart set on that?
[17:34] ---
    How cute.
[17:36] ---
    AAAH
[17:36] ---
    That would happen!
[17:38] ---
    Summer! Summer! Summer vacation!
[17:38] ---
    You're the one who brought up a trip!
    What are you doing just dancing around?
[17:41] ---
    Summer vacation! Summer vacation!
[17:43] ---
    Fujiwara!
[17:44] ---
    Summer is the time...
[17:45] ---
    when you wanna just go all out
    and spread your wings, right?
[17:48] ---
    DI... VERSION
[17:49] ---
    Right! Summer is the time you wanna
    do something you usually can't do!
[17:54] ---
    Like a trip would be great!
[17:55] ---
    Yeah, that's it!
[17:56] ---
    A trip, huh?
[17:58] ---
    Sure, everyone needs time away from
    the hustle and bustle of life in the city, right?
[18:01] ---
    Yes!
[18:02] ---
    I'm going to Hawaii for about a week!
[18:03] ---
    This is gonna work!
[18:08] ---
    You can go to hell!
[18:10] ---
    You're the one who said before
    you wanted to go on a trip with everyone!
[18:13] ---
    What's the idea of taking the lead
    and acting like you're Hawaiian?
[18:14] ---
    Aloha in Honolulu!
[18:17] ---
    Shinomiya, she's your whatever,
    isn't she? Do something!
[18:20] ---
    Yes.
[18:22] ---
    A trip... is a good idea.
[18:24] ---
    Kaguya also understands the importance
[18:26] ---
    of getting off to a good start
    for summer vacation.
[18:29] ---
    However, she's known Fujiwara
    for a long time
[18:31] ---
    and thus realizes there is no chance
    that Fujiwara will behave to one's satisfaction.
[18:36] ---
    Therefore, there is nothingness!
    The empty mind that has checked out!
[18:40] ---
    Breathing is fun.
[18:42] ---
    NOTHING...
[18:43] ---
    It's no use! I don't sense
    any drive in Shinomiya!
[18:46] ---
    W-Well, if Fujiwara is going on a trip,
    that's all she wrote.
[18:50] ---
    The idea of all of us going somewhere
    on a trip was a tall order to begin with.
[18:54] ---
    But at least...
[18:56] ---
    At least go somewhere
    on a day trip and have fun!
[18:59] ---
    But...
[19:00] ---
    Go somewhere without Miss Fujiwara?
[19:03] ---
    In other words, you want to go somewhere
    with me and not with Miss Fujiwara?
[19:08] ---
    Oh my.
[19:10] ---
    How cute.
[19:11] ---
    I'm checkmated!
[19:11] ---
    AAAH
[19:13] ---
    Without Fujiwara,
    it won't get off the ground!
[19:17] ---
    Aloha! Honolulu!
[19:17] ---
    Can she do something like a week
    after she gets back from her trip?
[19:21] ---
    Fujiwara...
[19:23] ---
    A trip abroad is fine,
    but so is a trip here, right?
[19:25] ---
    There are a lot of events during summer.
[19:27] ---
    What are you talking about?
[19:30] ---
    SERIOUS SERIOUS
[19:30] ---
    Second-year summer is crunch time
    for university entrance exams!
[19:33] ---
    I don't have time
    to fritter away on having fun!
[19:35] ---
    You asshole!
[19:36] ---
    You'd say that when you're the one
    who's going on a trip?
[19:39] ---
    Exactly! I'm keeping a balance
    between work and play!
[19:43] ---
    Dammit! That's a fair argument!
[19:44] ---
    President, don't bother.
[19:47] ---
    You'll never be able to control Fujiwara.
[19:51] ---
    At a time like this, I think about yummy food.
[19:55] ---
    Crap! I planned to win
    Shinomiya's heart this summer!
[19:59] ---
    How cute.
[20:03] ---
    Whatever pattern I attack,
    that's how it ends up!
[20:06] ---
    Is it a lost cause?
[20:08] ---
    But I'd like to do something
    to make memories, even just once.
[20:12] ---
    Ishigami?
[20:13] ---
    I'm a first-year,
    and you're a second-year, President.
[20:16] ---
    Maybe next year, with studying
    for university entrance exams,
[20:20] ---
    there won't be time for anything.
    Maybe this is the only year we could hang out.
[20:24] ---
    Ishigami...
[20:25] ---
    This is what you've been thinking?
[20:29] ---
    That's right. Summer isn't
    just about hanging out with girls.
[20:33] ---
    Having dumb fun with guy friends...
    That's summer, too.
[20:39] ---
    Let's go, Ishigami.
[20:41] ---
    There's a big festival
    at the end of summer.
[20:44] ---
    I can treat you to takoyaki.
[20:45] ---
    Summer festival?
[20:46] ---
    Let's go! Let's go!
[20:48] ---
    What happened to crunch time?
[20:50] ---
    That's a great idea!
[20:51] ---
    Cotton candy! The shooting game!
[20:53] ---
    Fireworks!
[20:54] ---
    Fireworks?
[20:56] ---
    Fireworks with the president?
[20:58] ---
    I'm in!
[21:01] ---
    The festival is on August 24th, right?
[21:04] ---
    I'll keep my schedule open.
[21:05] ---
    Yes, me, too.
[21:08] ---
    Wait. I can't make it. I'll be
    in Spain then for the tomato festival.
[21:12] ---
    Go to the festival in hell, idiot!
[21:14] ---
    How many trips are you taking?
[21:15] ---
    Oh no! Worldly desires! Worldly desires!
[21:17] ---
    Her empty mind collapsed.
[21:20] ---
    Don't tell me you're gonna go!
[21:23] ---
    Well...
[21:24] ---
    You guys would be so mean to go
    to a summer festival without me?
[21:30] ---
    Yeah, why not?
[21:33] ---
    You're going to the tomato festival,
    aren't you, Fujiwara-senpai?
[21:36] ---
    You're gonna have fun there,
    but telling us not to go? Give me a break.
[21:42] ---
    WAAAAH
[21:44] ---
    You're so mean to me, Ishigami!
[21:46] ---
    Idiot! Cold-blooded human!
    Your bangs are too long!
[21:51] ---
    Ishigami, I hope you burn
    your tongue on a takoyaki!
[21:57] ---
    I did it again.
[22:01] ---
    I'm going home.
[22:06] ---
    Wait, Ishigami.
[22:08] ---
    You were in the right today.
[22:10] ---
    Results of today's match...
[22:10] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[22:12] ---
    Victory for everyone except for Fujiwara.
[22:12] ---
    VICTORY FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR FUJIWARA
    (FOR SUCCESSFULLY MAKING A PLAN
    TO GO TO THE SUMMER FESTIVAL)
[22:15] ---
    Well, let's meet there on that day at 7 pm.
[22:18] ---
    Yes, I'm looking forward to it.
[22:19] ---
    And so, we embark on a new chapter!
    Men and women's summer vacation!
[22:26] ---
    OH NO
[22:27] ---
    PADDED
[22:28] ---
    I SEE...

Season 1

E11 - Ai Hayasaka Wants to Get Soaked - Chika Fujiwara Really Wants to Eat It - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to See You - I Can't Hear the Fireworks, Part 1

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    - Gotcha!
    - Gotcha!
[00:06] ---
    Summer. It's the season of love.
[00:09] ---
    Stop it!
[00:13] ---
    Is burning a young lady's bare body
    the sun's mischief?
[00:19] ---
    Is the quivering of asphalt
    a heat haze mirage?
[00:24] ---
    A boy and girl
    bare their hearts to each other
[00:27] ---
    and are invited to take the next step
    in a male-female relationship.
[00:32] ---
    The curtain comes up
    on a summer vacation like that.
[00:36] ---
    Half a month has passed!
[00:38] ---
    During that time,
    nothing in particular has happened.
[00:42] ---
    AUGUST
[00:45] ---
    I screwed up.
[00:46] ---
    I totally screwed up.
[02:19] ---
    SHOPPING
    FIREWORKS FESTIVAL
[02:23] ---
    Was that a sigh?
[02:26] ---
    If you sigh like that,
    happiness will flee in all directions.
[02:26] ---
    AI HAYASAKA
    WANTS TO GET SOAKED
[02:34] ---
    President Shirogane
    says he's at home right now,
[02:38] ---
    so if you loiter around outside,
    you may see him.
[02:40] ---
    Don't talk silly, Hayasaka.
[02:43] ---
    As if I would engage in stalker-like—
[02:48] ---
    He says he's at home?
[02:49] ---
    Hayasaka, since when have you been
    in contact with the president?
[02:53] ---
    Oh, I'm not.
[02:54] ---
    He was grumbling about it on Twitter.
[02:56] ---
    Twitter?
[02:58] ---
    What's that? No, I've heard of it!
[03:01] ---
    Twitter...
[03:03] ---
    I think Miss Fujiwara does it.
[03:06] ---
    DICTIONARY
[03:07] ---
    Twitter... Twitter...
[03:07] ---
    Well, I'm going to take a bath.
[03:10] ---
    RESERVED
[03:11] ---
    Again?
[03:11] ---
    FEMALE EMPLOYEES'
    BATHROOM
[03:13] ---
    She gets to do that?
[03:34] ---
    There.
[03:35] ---
    SPLASH
[03:36] ---
    FSSS
[03:51] ---
    Hayasaka! Come quick!
[03:53] ---
    Wh-What is it?
[03:54] ---
    The Internet is broken!
[03:57] ---
    It must be the major incident
    of the century.
[03:59] ---
    So, I tried to start doing that thing,
    you know, Twitter...
[04:03] ---
    USER NAME
    EMAIL ADDRESS
    I AGREE TO THE TERMS
    OF SERVICE.
[04:03] ---
    but the letters are garbled!
[04:05] ---
    The letters are not garbled.
[04:08] ---
    Password.
    Can I use my bank password?
[04:10] ---
    No.
[04:11] ---
    Hopeless at I.T.
[04:13] ---
    HOPELESS AT I.T.
[04:14] ---
    When it comes to technology,
    Kaguya prefers to be analog.
[04:17] ---
    She can do mental arithmetic,
    but cant use a calculator.
[04:20] ---
    When she looks into something, she'll use
    a map or encyclopedia instead of googling.
[04:20] ---
    ENCYCLOPEDIA
[04:24] ---
    She does use the Internet once in a while
    to check the weather or news headlines,
[04:28] ---
    but never leaves the confines
    of the search engine site's top page.
[04:31] ---
    She's about as tech-savvy as the old man
    who runs the candy shop.
[04:31] ---
    YAMADA STORE
[04:36] ---
    Like this?
[04:38] ---
    Yes. Now you have an account,
    Lady Kaguya.
[04:42] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    YU ISHIGAMI
[04:42] ---
    I printed out the accounts
    of the other student council members.
[04:45] ---
    For example,
    this is the secretary's account.
[04:48] ---
    I WENT TO DUBAI
[04:48] ---
    I WENT TO CALIFORNIA
[04:49] ---
    She clearly spends a great deal of time
    tweeting and no time at all studying.
[04:51] ---
    I WENT TO BALI
[04:51] ---
    I WENT TO HAWAII
[04:54] ---
    All she does is travel abroad.
[04:56] ---
    And this anime icon is the treasur—
[04:59] ---
    Not interested.
[05:01] ---
    The best thing to do is play around
    with it until you're used to it.
[05:04] ---
    Okay.
[05:05] ---
    Well, I'm going back to my bath.
[05:16] ---
    This job is exhausting.
[05:19] ---
    The only way I can take it
    is by washing my fatigue away like this.
[05:24] ---
    Lady Kaguya doesn't understand.
[05:27] ---
    She should appreciate me more.
[05:30] ---
    Hayasaka! Come quick!
[05:32] ---
    Jeez.
[05:33] ---
    Lady Kaguya,
    would you stop barging in on—
[05:35] ---
    I've been banned from Twitter!
[05:38] ---
    I'm surprised you even know
    about being banned.
[05:41] ---
    THIS ACCOUNT'S TWEETS
    ARE PROTECTED.
[05:41] ---
    L-Look!
[05:43] ---
    I can't see it! Why?
    Did I do something wrong?
[05:46] ---
    President Shirogane
    has a protected account.
[05:50] ---
    Protected?
[05:51] ---
    It's because some trolls will flame you
    no matter what you post.
[05:54] ---
    This goes to show that the president
    is on his toes about privacy.
[05:58] ---
    My main account is protected, too.
[06:00] ---
    You'd better be very careful, too,
    Lady Kaguya.
[06:03] ---
    In other words,
[06:04] ---
    think of your account as your house.
[06:07] ---
    With normal accounts,
    the front door is wide open,
[06:10] ---
    so visitors can come and go
    as they please.
[06:12] ---
    But cautious people
    keep their front door locked,
[06:16] ---
    and only visitors
    who are given a key can come in.
[06:20] ---
    Then, where do you get a key?
[06:23] ---
    That's simple.
[06:24] ---
    FOLLOW
[06:24] ---
    LIKES
[06:25] ---
    If you click this "Follow" button,
[06:27] ---
    a request for approval
    will be sent to President Shirogane.
[06:31] ---
    If he agrees,
    you'll then be able to see his tweets.
[06:35] ---
    I imagine he'd okay any request, as long as
    their profile shows they go to Shuchiin.
[06:39] ---
    But... But I... But I...
[06:42] ---
    There's no way I can do that!
[06:44] ---
    After all, it would mean...
[06:49] ---
    President! Please open up!
[06:51] ---
    I want to know more about you!
[06:54] ---
    REQUESTING APPROVAL
    FOR A FOLLOW
[06:54] ---
    I want to know what you think about
    and what you usually do!
[06:54] ---
    BAM BAM
[07:00] ---
    You want to know about me that badly?
[07:03] ---
    You're that interested
    in my 140-character monologues?
[07:11] ---
    That's cute.
[07:12] ---
    APPROVED
[07:13] ---
    Like that, right?
[07:15] ---
    Is this a new kind of stupidity?
[07:17] ---
    You really think
    of the most useless things.
[07:20] ---
    Are you mad at me, Hayasaka?
[07:22] ---
    Mad? More like I'm wondering...
[07:24] ---
    how long you're going to make me
    stand around half-naked.
[07:27] ---
    Sorry.
[07:28] ---
    If you won't do it, Lady Kaguya, I—
[07:30] ---
    Wait! Wait!
[07:31] ---
    Hold on!
[07:32] ---
    I'll do it when I'm good and ready!
[07:45] ---
    FOLLOW
[07:45] ---
    LIKES
[07:48] ---
    I wonder what the president
    tweets about.
[07:52] ---
    What is he doing? What does he like?
[07:55] ---
    How is he spending his summer?
[08:00] ---
    But...
[08:02] ---
    But...
[08:08] ---
    That's it! I'll protect my account, too!
[08:10] ---
    - Then, if the president follows me—
    - Wake up and smell the coffee.
[08:13] ---
    You've never succeeded
    with that pattern before. Not even once.
[08:21] ---
    In the end,
    she wasn't able to send the request.
[08:24] ---
    Lady Kaguya is stubborn to a fault.
[08:28] ---
    They both are hopeless.
[08:31] ---
    If either were open about their feelings,
    they could both be happy.
[08:36] ---
    But I envy them.
[08:39] ---
    I wish I loved someone like that.
[08:49] ---
    As if...
[08:51] ---
    Hayasaka! Come quick!
[08:53] ---
    Results of today's match...
[08:55] ---
    None.
[08:56] ---
    KAGUYA AND SHIROGANE DIDN'T MEET UP
[09:00] ---
    Please! Enough already!
[09:02] ---
    CLICK CLICK
[09:02] ---
    HER TYPING IS VERY FAST
[09:06] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    REALLY WANTS TO EAT IT
[09:09] ---
    Japan!
[09:12] ---
    I loved Egypt.
[09:14] ---
    I wish we could've stayed there
    a little longer.
[09:19] ---
    The ta'amiya and kushari were delicious!
[09:22] ---
    You're just thinking about food!
[09:25] ---
    Maybe you wanted to stay longer, Sis,
[09:27] ---
    but I couldn't wait to get back to Japan!
[09:31] ---
    Why?
[09:33] ---
    After all...
[09:40] ---
    My name is Saburo Odajima.
[09:42] ---
    I'm an insignificant middle manager.
[09:45] ---
    RAMEN
[09:45] ---
    HAKATA TENRYU
[09:45] ---
    My hobby is frequenting ramen shops.
[09:48] ---
    TENRYU RAMEN
[09:52] ---
    Welcome.
[09:54] ---
    I came to a neighborhood shop today.
[09:57] ---
    The most popular item on the menu
    is pork bone broth ramen...
[10:01] ---
    but that's not for me.
[10:02] ---
    I get the inconspicuous one
    all the way at the end.
[10:06] ---
    Soy sauce pork bone. Thin.
[10:08] ---
    How about the noodles?
[10:10] ---
    Firm.
[10:12] ---
    That is this shop's optimum combination.
[10:15] ---
    The way I ordered
    shows I'm in the know.
[10:16] ---
    Welcome.
[10:17] ---
    It smells wonderful!
[10:18] ---
    GLOW
[10:20] ---
    Well, well, a cute customer...
[10:23] ---
    Maybe she wandered in
    thinking this was a cake shop.
[10:25] ---
    What can I get you?
[10:27] ---
    Um,
[10:28] ---
    soy sauce pork bone ramen, thin broth!
[10:31] ---
    Impossible!
[10:32] ---
    Did a girl like this suddenly calculate
    this shop's optimum combination?
[10:33] ---
    OPTIMUM COMBINATION
[10:38] ---
    Is it a coincidence? No.
[10:40] ---
    This isn't the kind of shop a young woman
    would enter alone this late at night.
[10:40] ---
    RAMEN
[10:46] ---
    Could this woman be one of "my people"?
[10:49] ---
    MY PEOPLE
[10:51] ---
    What about the noodles?
[10:53] ---
    Um,
[10:54] ---
    super-firm!
[10:55] ---
    FSSS
[10:57] ---
    Super-firm?
[10:58] ---
    Like a sheep,
    she chose the fad level of firmness.
[11:02] ---
    She's just an average girl after all.
    I worried for nothing.
[11:06] ---
    I overestimated her.
[11:08] ---
    Here you go.
[11:10] ---
    All right, then. I'll teach this girl
    the real way to eat ramen.
[11:15] ---
    First, you note the scent
    of the soup itself.
[11:19] ---
    The idea is to appreciate
    each scent in turn
[11:21] ---
    starting from the fragrant
    red pickled ginger.
[11:24] ---
    Of course, the owner is fully aware of that.
[11:28] ---
    I'm delighted at his consideration,
    placing the ginger farthest away.
[11:33] ---
    Next, the taste.
[11:35] ---
    Letting the air mix in while you taste it.
[11:38] ---
    I use my brain completely,
    sharpening my senses of smell and taste.
[11:46] ---
    And then, the noodles.
[11:48] ---
    I bite off a small amount,
    as if making sure of the flavor,
[11:51] ---
    and enjoy it as it slides down.
[11:52] ---
    Here you go.
[11:55] ---
    Thank you for the meal!
[11:57] ---
    Finally, the chaser.
[11:59] ---
    In order to enjoy the delicate flavors,
[12:01] ---
    I drink water to wash away the soy and salt
    on my tongue, resetting my palate.
[12:06] ---
    This makes all the difference.
[12:08] ---
    This is one set.
[12:10] ---
    Repeating the set over and over
    is what we call the "water cycle."
[12:14] ---
    Now, what about you, young lady?
[12:18] ---
    Mini-ramen?
[12:20] ---
    Little bits. Little bits. Little bits.
[12:20] ---
    She really is just an ordinary girl.
[12:25] ---
    GOBBLE...
[12:27] ---
    Looks like she's enjoying it.
[12:30] ---
    Well, I can't really look down on her.
[12:33] ---
    Mini-ramen,
    where you eat it all in each bite,
[12:35] ---
    is the ultimate form
    of the "one is all" philosophy after all.
[12:39] ---
    Little bits. Little bits. Little bits.
    Little bits! Little bits. Little bits!
[12:39] ---
    But by taking little bites like that,
    the noodles will stretch out and swell up.
[12:44] ---
    Swell up?
[12:45] ---
    Super-firm! Super-firm! Super-firm!
[12:46] ---
    Is that why she said, "Super-firm"?
[12:48] ---
    Did this girl calculate
    that the noodles would stretch out?
[12:51] ---
    Slurp, slurp, slurp!
[12:53] ---
    Moreover, using that small utensil
    is perfect for mini-ramen!
[12:57] ---
    It can't be!
[12:58] ---
    If this was all calculated...
[12:59] ---
    The metro's four ramen kings...
[13:02] ---
    Jinbocho's Mashimashi Mama,
[13:04] ---
    the Hermit of Sugamo,
[13:05] ---
    even J. Suzuki of Koenji...
[13:07] ---
    THE METRO AREA'S
    BIG FOUR RAMEN KINGS
[13:07] ---
    JINBOCHO'S
    MASHIMASHI MAMA
[13:07] ---
    J. SUZUKI OF KOENJI
    HERMIT OF SUGAMO
[13:10] ---
    So, she possesses the sense
    of situational assessment
[13:13] ---
    equivalent to the monsters
    of the ramen world!
[13:15] ---
    SAN OF SHIBUYA
[13:17] ---
    Not yet.
[13:19] ---
    That's right. She's not there yet.
[13:21] ---
    It's kind of sad.
[13:22] ---
    It's the wall that can't be overcome,
    and it's owing to being a woman.
[13:27] ---
    - Garlic!
    - Garlic!
[13:29] ---
    Unfortunately, avoiding that scent
    pegs her as a wannabe ramen connoisseur.
[13:34] ---
    She's a fake!
[13:42] ---
    Looks like she finished
    eating the ingredients.
[13:44] ---
    What is she gonna do now?
[13:45] ---
    There's no more to spoon out!
[13:49] ---
    What's she gonna do?
[13:50] ---
    Is she gonna go for it?
[13:52] ---
    She's gonna go for it?
[13:56] ---
    CRUNCH
[13:57] ---
    She went for it!
[13:59] ---
    She overcame the wall of womanhood!
[14:03] ---
    I have to give her props!
    She's earned my respect!
[14:05] ---
    She's definitely "my people"!
[14:09] ---
    A ramen connoisseur!
[14:16] ---
    Don't tell me!
[14:17] ---
    Even the soup?
[14:21] ---
    Too much salt!
[14:22] ---
    You're drinking garlic, too!
[14:28] ---
    But...
[14:29] ---
    It looks delicious!
[14:29] ---
    ...there was a time in my life, too!
[14:32] ---
    Thank you for the meal!
[14:35] ---
    When did I become such an old man?
[14:41] ---
    GULP GULP
[14:42] ---
    That's it! Run!
[14:44] ---
    That youth is the radiance I lost!
[14:46] ---
    I'm young and starving!
[14:52] ---
    Keep running!
[14:56] ---
    AHHH
[14:56] ---
    POLISHED IT OFF
[15:00] ---
    Thank you!
[15:02] ---
    Boom!
[15:05] ---
    You...
[15:08] ---
    COOL
[15:13] ---
    Result of today's ramen match...
[15:13] ---
    RESULT OF TODAY'S RAMEN MATCH:
[15:16] ---
    Fujiwara wins.
[15:16] ---
    FUJIWARA WINS
[15:18] ---
    WHERE IS YOUR SWITCH?
[15:20] ---
    My ramen switch is on!
[15:23] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO SEE YOU
[15:24] ---
    Since summer vacation began,
[15:27] ---
    three weeks have passed.
[15:30] ---
    Nothing of note
    has happened during that time.
[15:34] ---
    Days of studying, working, eating,
    taking a bath, sleeping, and that's all.
[15:39] ---
    This has become
    a boring summer vacation.
[15:42] ---
    The festival at the end of vacation
    is the only plan
[15:44] ---
    he and Kaguya made to see each other.
[15:47] ---
    Other than that,
    they haven't exchanged a single text,
[15:51] ---
    let alone go out together.
[15:52] ---
    The high hurdle of asking the other person
    to go out and do something fun
[15:55] ---
    is still insurmountable.
[15:58] ---
    It wasn't supposed to be like this.
[16:05] ---
    I wonder what Shinomiya's doing now.
[16:09] ---
    It wasn't supposed to be like this.
[16:12] ---
    Why has it come to this?
[16:14] ---
    The reason, Lady Kaguya...
[16:18] ---
    is that, all your plans are based on the premise
    that the president is going to invite you.
[16:21] ---
    SUMMER VACATION PLANS
    FOR KAGUYA
[16:23] ---
    You've been too naive.
[16:25] ---
    Hayasaka, why are you looking
    at your lady's notebook
[16:27] ---
    so brazenly and without permission?
[16:29] ---
    Why don't you just ask him
    to do something?
[16:31] ---
    Don't be ridiculous!
[16:33] ---
    It'd look like I wanted to do something
    for fun with the president!
[16:37] ---
    That's exactly right.
    I mean, you're not even refuting me.
[16:39] ---
    TO: KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[16:40] ---
    Shi-no-mi-ya...
[16:42] ---
    What-are-you-doing...
[16:46] ---
    DELETE THIS MAIL?
[16:46] ---
    SAVE
[16:46] ---
    DELETE
[16:50] ---
    Am I some blushing girl?
[16:50] ---
    WHAP
[16:52] ---
    Write, delete, write, delete!
[16:55] ---
    What is this, your first love?
[16:57] ---
    It is his first love.
[16:58] ---
    AUGUST
[16:58] ---
    That's it! I'm done! I'm through!
[17:01] ---
    SUBJECT: OCTOPUS
    LOOK! A LIVE OCTOPUS!!
[17:04] ---
    FROM: SHIROGANE
    I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
    AS YOU HUNG UP THE PHONE
[17:04] ---
    LOOKS LIKE TONIGHT WILL GET
    PRETTY COLD, SO BE WARM
    AND GO TO SLEEP
    GOOD NIGHT
[17:08] ---
    No matter how much you read that,
    it won't make new messages appear.
[17:13] ---
    Did that message make you so happy
    that you've saved it all this time?
[17:17] ---
    The president's first text to you.
[17:19] ---
    You were thrilled when he made
    the first move there, weren't you?
[17:22] ---
    You can't forget it, huh?
[17:24] ---
    Get off my back!
[17:26] ---
    I don't think that at all,
[17:28] ---
    so stop trying to analyze my heart!
[17:33] ---
    I'm going out.
[17:38] ---
    Where are you going, Bro?
[17:41] ---
    Grocery shopping for dinner.
[17:42] ---
    In your school uniform?
[17:44] ---
    Well, I may stop at school on the way.
[17:48] ---
    The school isn't on the way.
[17:58] ---
    What I'm doing now doesn't make any sense.
[18:04] ---
    But I thought, "What if," and...
[18:37] ---
    Nice and cool.
[18:46] ---
    I want to see him...
[18:50] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[19:02] ---
    Well, of course not...
[19:18] ---
    - I wish summer vacation weren't so long.
    - I wish summer vacation weren't so long.
[19:24] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH: NONE
[19:27] ---
    BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T MEET UP
[21:02] ---
    I don't have any summer memories.
[21:06] ---
    Look! Look!
[21:09] ---
    But that's not a problem.
[21:12] ---
    I've never gone on a family vacation.
[21:15] ---
    But that's okay...
[21:17] ---
    because everyone treats me
    like I'm special.
[21:21] ---
    I've never gone to see
    a fireworks display.
[21:24] ---
    But that's all right...
[21:26] ---
    because even the little lights
    I see from out my window are pretty.
[21:33] ---
    FROM: MISS FUJIWARA
[21:33] ---
    LET'S MEET UP IN FRONT OF
    THE MOAI STATUE TOMORROW!
    I CAN'T WAIT!!
[21:33] ---
    I've never gone shopping
    with a group of friends.
[21:37] ---
    Yeah. Like this one?
[21:39] ---
    So, I felt a mix
    of anxiety and anticipation.
[21:43] ---
    But it would be okay.
[21:44] ---
    The people I was going with
    were good people.
[21:47] ---
    They were all very nice.
[21:52] ---
    But it's okay.
[21:54] ---
    I'm used to it.
[21:57] ---
    I can't do what I want in this life.
[22:01] ---
    FROM: KAGUYA
    SUBJECT: TOMORROW - I'M SORRY.
    I CAN'T GO SHOPPING TOMORROW.
[22:02] ---
    "My father suddenly summoned me
    to the main house in Kyoto, so I have to go.
[22:07] ---
    Don't worry about me. All of you
    should go on and have fun, okay?"
[22:11] ---
    That's what she says.
[22:13] ---
    What should we do?
[22:15] ---
    In this case...
[22:17] ---
    we put it off!
[22:19] ---
    The whole point
    is for all of us to go together.
[22:21] ---
    Good! You're right!
[22:24] ---
    I'll call Kei and let her know.
[22:27] ---
    That's right.
[22:29] ---
    I'm blessed.
[22:32] ---
    I've got friends and a distinguished family
    that anyone would envy.
[22:37] ---
    I'm blessed with a resourcefulness
    that anyone would be jealous of.
[22:40] ---
    Anyone would conclude that the amount
    of my happiness and sorrow are about the same.
[22:45] ---
    So, blessed as I am,
    it's only logical that I should suck it up.
[22:53] ---
    F-Father!
[22:56] ---
    Oh, you're here?
[22:58] ---
    Good.
[23:05] ---
    He summoned you
    all the way here for that?
[23:09] ---
    Drop dead, asshole.
[23:11] ---
    My father has never said
    "good night" to me.
[23:16] ---
    I don't remember him
    ever saying "See you later,"
[23:18] ---
    "Good job" or "I love you" to me either.
[23:22] ---
    But it doesn't hurt my feelings.
[23:26] ---
    Because it's always been this way.
[23:28] ---
    By this point, nothing he does
    makes me feel one way or the other.
[23:31] ---
    It's okay.
[23:33] ---
    In deference to my family's status,
[23:34] ---
    people around here
    behave a certain way toward me...
[23:39] ---
    with great caution...
[23:41] ---
    as if there's no problem...
[23:43] ---
    like I'm a creepy
    traditional Japanese doll.
[23:52] ---
    But I don't mind.
[23:54] ---
    After all, I'm going
    to a fireworks festival tomorrow.
[23:55] ---
    I CAN'T HEAR
    THE FIREWORKS, PART 1

Season 1

E12 - I Can't Hear the Fireworks, Part 2 - Kaguya Doesn't Want to Avoid Him

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    I CAN'T HEAR
    THE FIREWORKS, PART 2
[01:34] ---
    Tonight...
[01:38] ---
    Tonight I'm going to a fireworks display!
[01:41] ---
    Even if Miss Fujiwara is a major pain,
    for this one night, I'll let it go.
[01:46] ---
    Because she went as far as canceling
    a trip so she could go with me.
[01:51] ---
    It really has been
    a boring summer vacation.
[01:55] ---
    For the first time, I'll go out with friends.
[01:58] ---
    There's no difference.
[02:00] ---
    My first time
    going out with the president.
[02:03] ---
    I won't watch from the window
[02:05] ---
    because I finally get to go see
    the huge fireworks up close!
[02:13] ---
    I think that alone is enough for me
[02:16] ---
    to enjoy this whole summer vacation.
[02:25] ---
    See you later.
[02:31] ---
    It really has been
    a boring summer vacation.
[02:35] ---
    I'm afraid not.
[02:37] ---
    Lately, your behavior
    has been unacceptable, milady.
[02:41] ---
    And with a large crowd,
    it would be easy to lose sight of you.
[02:44] ---
    If something happened to you
    during that time,
[02:47] ---
    what would I say to your father?
[02:51] ---
    I'm sure he wouldn't care.
[02:55] ---
    I'M SORRY.
    I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TODAY.
    I'M REALLY SORRY.
[02:55] ---
    FROM: KAGUYA
    SUBJECT: I'M SORRY
[02:56] ---
    "I'm really sorry."
[03:00] ---
    Miss Kaguya.
[03:11] ---
    I want to see everyone.
[03:15] ---
    I wish I'd never known about it.
[03:18] ---
    If I hadn't known,
[03:20] ---
    it would've been a normal summer,
[03:22] ---
    and I wouldn't have suffered like this.
[03:28] ---
    But... But it's okay.
[03:31] ---
    Summer will be over soon.
[03:34] ---
    It's okay.
[03:37] ---
    It's okay.
[03:39] ---
    It's okay.
[03:49] ---
    It's okay.
[03:52] ---
    KAGUYA
    I'M A SECOND-YEAR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT
    AT SHUCHIIN ACADEMY.
[03:52] ---
    THANK YOU FOR CHECKING OUT MY PAGE.
[03:54] ---
    KAGUYA / 5 DAYS AGO
    THIS IS MY FIRST TWEET.
[04:06] ---
    KAGUYA / RIGHT NOW
    I WANT TO SEE THE FIREWORKS WITH EVERYONE.
[04:12] ---
    Roger.
[04:13] ---
    KAGUYA / RIGHT NOW
    I WANT TO SEE THE FIREWORKS WITH EVERYONE.
[04:13] ---
    KAGUYA / 5 DAYS AGO
    THIS IS MY FIRST TWEET.
[04:23] ---
    Lady Kaguya, how long
    do you intend to lie there like that?
[04:26] ---
    This isn't like you.
[04:28] ---
    Normally, by this point, you'd be sneaking
    out of the house by hook or by crook.
[04:33] ---
    No matter what I do, it won't work out.
[04:37] ---
    I couldn't go shopping with everyone,
[04:40] ---
    and my father has no interest
    in me whatsoever.
[04:44] ---
    The president didn't even send me
    a single text this past month.
[04:49] ---
    Nothing at all has worked out for me!
[04:52] ---
    Even if I left the house right now,
    it would be meaningless!
[04:55] ---
    I'll never be able to see them again!
[04:58] ---
    No, you'll see them once school starts
    whether you like it or not.
[05:03] ---
    Misfortunes never come singly.
[05:05] ---
    When you're dejected,
    you really go all out.
[05:09] ---
    Certainly, you've been
    through a rough summer.
[05:14] ---
    But maybe not seeing President Shirogane
    once over vacation was the best choice
[05:19] ---
    if you think about it
    from a long-term perspective.
[05:21] ---
    Time without seeing someone
    makes the heart fonder.
[05:27] ---
    I'm sure the president feels
    the same way you do right now.
[05:31] ---
    He wants to see you so badly every day.
[05:36] ---
    He counts on his fingers
[05:38] ---
    how many days are left
    of summer vacation.
[05:44] ---
    Meanwhile,
[05:46] ---
    if he could somehow meet you
    in a date with destiny,
[05:51] ---
    his accumulated desire...
[05:55] ---
    ...would be set free all at once?
[05:58] ---
    That's right. There you go.
[06:00] ---
    Now you look like the Lady Kaguya I know.
[06:02] ---
    But two of this house's butlers
    are here right now.
[06:06] ---
    There's no way I can escape from here
    without any preparation.
[06:11] ---
    Preparation, you say?
[06:17] ---
    WIRELESS
[06:24] ---
    J. SUZUKI OF KOENJI
    ONE OF THE METRO AREA'S
    BIG FOUR RAMEN KINGS
[06:32] ---
    Take me to Hamamatsucho!
[06:34] ---
    Please!
[06:37] ---
    Lady Kaguya,
[06:38] ---
    dinner is ready.
[06:42] ---
    I'm not hungry.
[06:43] ---
    I'm going to bed.
[06:45] ---
    I'm watching the fireworks.
[06:47] ---
    You don't have a problem
    with that, do you?
[06:49] ---
    Very well.
[06:58] ---
    Gotcha.
[07:04] ---
    I get the picture.
[07:15] ---
    Miss Kaguya!
[07:17] ---
    She may be around there.
[07:19] ---
    Please stay here, Fujiwara!
[07:23] ---
    The phone number you have called
[07:25] ---
    is turned off or out of our service area.
[07:31] ---
    It's not going through.
[07:33] ---
    Is it because of the crowd?
[07:34] ---
    Or because my phone is old?
[07:37] ---
    Why?
[07:38] ---
    Young lady, you want to go
    see the fireworks, right?
[07:42] ---
    There's a lot of traffic tonight
    with all the cars out.
[07:45] ---
    I think you might not make it in time.
[07:49] ---
    I won't make it in time?
[07:51] ---
    After what Hayasaka did for me?
[07:53] ---
    It can't be!
[07:56] ---
    Why won't anything work out for me?
[08:01] ---
    Excuse me.
[08:03] ---
    Yes?
[08:04] ---
    I'll go the rest of the way on foot.
[08:12] ---
    Be careful, young lady.
[08:14] ---
    I will!
[08:29] ---
    We're supposed to meet up
    at Takeshiba Wharf.
[08:31] ---
    The main streets are really crowded.
[08:32] ---
    If I run down a backstreet,
    I should be able to just make it!
[08:41] ---
    I'm sure I'll meet up with them!
[08:43] ---
    The first younger student I've helped...
[08:46] ---
    The person who became my first friend...
[08:51] ---
    The first person I like...
[08:55] ---
    I'm in that circle of people!
[09:01] ---
    SHOPPING
    FIREWORKS FESTIVAL
[09:02] ---
    All summer,
[09:03] ---
    the only thing I've been thinking about
    is how happy I would be
[09:08] ---
    if I got to gaze
    at those beautiful fireworks
[09:11] ---
    together with my favorite people,
[09:14] ---
    and how wonderful it would be.
[09:17] ---
    God...
[09:19] ---
    this summer,
[09:21] ---
    I don't need love or romance!
[09:26] ---
    So...
[09:29] ---
    So, at least let me be
    together with them!
[09:36] ---
    ...has concluded.
[09:38] ---
    When you leave,
[09:41] ---
    please pick up your trash,
[09:44] ---
    food and beverages.
[09:47] ---
    Again,
[09:49] ---
    this evening's fireworks display
    has concluded.
[09:54] ---
    When you leave,
[09:57] ---
    please pick up your trash,
    food and beverages.
[10:03] ---
    Oh, that's right.
[10:06] ---
    There is...
[10:09] ---
    no God.
[10:17] ---
    I wonder if they enjoyed the fireworks.
[10:22] ---
    I hope so.
[10:25] ---
    I only got to see the fireworks
    from between the buildings,
[10:28] ---
    but they were so big.
[10:30] ---
    For them, the fireworks
    must have looked beautiful.
[10:37] ---
    If everyone else got to enjoy them,
    that's enough for me.
[10:51] ---
    I wanted to see them, too!
[10:55] ---
    The fireworks...
[10:58] ---
    With everyone!
[11:02] ---
    Then, I'll show them to you.
[11:06] ---
    President?
[11:09] ---
    Come with me, Shinomiya!
[11:11] ---
    If you wanna see them that badly,
    I'll show them to you!
[11:14] ---
    How...
[11:17] ---
    How did you know I was here?
[11:20] ---
    You mean the "Guess Shinomiya's Thoughts
    and Search for Her" game?
[11:25] ---
    Compared to the usual,
    it was 100 times easier.
[11:34] ---
    Miss Kaguya!
[11:36] ---
    President, I got us a car!
[11:39] ---
    That young lady again!
[11:42] ---
    Everyone hop in!
[11:50] ---
    There!
[11:59] ---
    Driver,
[12:01] ---
    get on the expressway,
[12:02] ---
    and then take the Aqua-Line
    towards Umihotaru!
[12:06] ---
    There are fireworks that were postponed
    until tonight because of the rain.
[12:09] ---
    President, you mean...
[12:12] ---
    Chiba!
[12:13] ---
    The Kisarazu fireworks display
    goes until 8:30!
[12:17] ---
    Can we get to Chiba
    in the next 20 minutes?
[12:20] ---
    I don't know!
[12:21] ---
    But it's worth the challenge.
[12:24] ---
    We're gonna show Shinomiya
    some fireworks!
[12:30] ---
    I'll step on it, then.
[12:33] ---
    This is just between you and me.
[12:36] ---
    Who is this cool driver?
[12:38] ---
    J. SUZUKI OF KOENJI
    ONE OF THE METRO AREA'S
    BIG FOUR RAMEN KINGS
[12:43] ---
    God, let us be in time!
[12:50] ---
    President! I can't see anything outside!
[12:53] ---
    The Aqua-Line is an undersea tunnel!
    Of course you can't see anything!
[12:58] ---
    A sign for Umihotaru service parking!
[13:00] ---
    We're surfacing!
[13:02] ---
    Let us be in time!
[13:04] ---
    Let us be in time!
[13:10] ---
    Let us be in time!
[13:42] ---
    Their focus is on the fireworks.
[13:47] ---
    But I'm sorry.
[13:53] ---
    I can't take my eyes off of...
[13:57] ---
    that face.
[14:02] ---
    The sound of my
    heartbeat is so noisy...
[14:13] ---
    ...that I can't hear the fireworks.
[14:21] ---
    The first day of the new school term.
[14:24] ---
    Everyone has come back
    to their ordinary lives
[14:29] ---
    with melancholy and hope in their hearts
    after a long, uneventful summer.
[14:34] ---
    KAGUYA DOESN'T WANT
    TO AVOID HIM
[14:34] ---
    One man looks back upon...
[14:38] ---
    TRACING SHIROGANE'S EFFORTS
    SAVING A SPOT SIX HOURS
    BEFORE THE DISPLAY
[14:39] ---
    GETS THE NEWS THAT SHINOMIYA
    CAN'T GO, CALCULATES
    HOW SHE REALLY FEELS FROM HER TWEET
[14:39] ---
    RIDES LIKE THE WIND
    TO SHINOMIYA'S FAMILY'S HOUSE
[14:40] ---
    USING BINOCULARS OUTSIDE THE HOUSE,
    REALIZES SHINOMIYA IS USING
    A "BODY DOUBLE" (HAYASAKA),
    GOES BACK THE WAY HE CAME AT MACH SPEED
[14:40] ---
    MAKES CALCULATIONS IN HIS HEAD,
    FIGURES OUT THE ROUTE SHINOMIYA TOOK,
    DETERMINES HER LOCATION
[14:41] ---
    USES THE EVENT INFO
    HE HAD INPUT EARLIER,
    RIDES LIKE THE WIND
    IN A TAXI TO KISARAZU
[14:42] ---
    PAYS THE CAB FARE TO THE TUNE
    OF 17,320 YEN (TAKEN FROM
    THE POTENTIAL "SHINOMIYA
    SUMMER VACATION BUDGET")
[14:42] ---
    USES THE EVENT INFO
    HE HAD INPUT EARLIER,
    RIDES LIKE THE WIND
    IN A TAXI TO KISARAZU
[14:42] ---
    ...a memory he made at the end.
[14:46] ---
    Then, I'll show them to you.
[14:49] ---
    Nooo!
[14:51] ---
    And he regrets so much
    that he wishes he could die!
[14:55] ---
    You mean the "Guess Shinomiya's Thoughts
    and Search for Her" game?
[15:00] ---
    Ow! It hurts!
[15:02] ---
    It hurts so bad!
[15:08] ---
    A dark past!
[15:10] ---
    Summer vacation was all but over,
[15:11] ---
    and Shirogane hadn't seen
    Shinomiya even once.
[15:15] ---
    By the day of the fireworks,
[15:16] ---
    Shirogane was so tense
    that he couldn't hold it back!
[15:18] ---
    There she is!
[15:21] ---
    That bursting tension caused him
    to blurt out a series of cringeworthy lines!
[15:22] ---
    Then, I'll show them to you.
[15:24] ---
    You mean the "Guess Shinomiya's Thoughts
    and Search for Her" game?
[15:28] ---
    Compared to the usual,
    it was 100 times easier.
[15:31] ---
    I don't know!
[15:33] ---
    But it's worth the challenge.
[15:38] ---
    It's a dark past
[15:40] ---
    that will make him writhe in pain
    when he recalls it for the next ten-odd years!
[15:45] ---
    If I saw Shinomiya now...
[15:49] ---
    I don't know what to say,
[15:52] ---
    but the words you said that night...
    How can I put it?
[15:55] ---
    I guess you were like on an ego trip.
[15:59] ---
    President...
[16:02] ---
    it was painful.
[16:03] ---
    Somebody, kill me!
[16:06] ---
    Let's have fun this semester, too!
[16:09] ---
    O-Oh, Fujiwara!
[16:12] ---
    Shinomiya, too.
[16:13] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[16:25] ---
    Hmph.
[16:27] ---
    She won't even look at me!
[16:29] ---
    She views me as someone
    who's too pathetic to look at directly!
[16:34] ---
    - Shinomiya, about the other night—
    - Hmph.
[16:45] ---
    It's worse than I thought!
[16:45] ---
    Look at all this dust!
[16:47] ---
    She thinks of me as someone
    who's too pathetic to even be around!
[16:51] ---
    Wrong! Certainly,
    Kaguya is avoiding Shirogane.
[16:55] ---
    But it's definitely not out of any ill will.
[16:57] ---
    In fact, it's just the opposite.
[16:59] ---
    These actions are induced
    by bashfulness and nervousness.
[17:04] ---
    Perhaps it might be called
    "like-avoidance."
[17:09] ---
    Wh-Why am I avoiding him?
[17:13] ---
    I-It's like I'm self-conscious
    around him or something!
[17:13] ---
    HRRRMMM
[17:18] ---
    Talk to him.
[17:20] ---
    Just like you did
    before summer vacation.
[17:22] ---
    I have to win Shinomiya's trust back!
[17:26] ---
    Naturally, cheerfully...
[17:30] ---
    I-I'll greet her naturally first!
[17:38] ---
    A straight line linked them
    as they moved from opposite directions.
[17:41] ---
    A development that would certainly
    make them talk to each other.
[17:46] ---
    However...
[18:00] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    we need to clean the floor first.
[18:04] ---
    Oh, that's right!
[18:08] ---
    Dusty.
[18:12] ---
    It's hard to strike up a conversation!
[18:13] ---
    I'll clean over here.
[18:15] ---
    They were both back in the saddle,
    ready to give it another go!
[18:18] ---
    And yet the result was the same.
[18:22] ---
    No good! The closer I get to the president,
    the harder it is to look at him directly!
[18:26] ---
    What kind of expression should I have
    when I say something to Shinomiya?
[18:29] ---
    They continued to pass each other by,
[18:32] ---
    just barely missing,
[18:34] ---
    like two aircraft in a dogfight!
[18:39] ---
    But walking by each other twice
    is unnatural.
[18:41] ---
    Was it a coincidence?
[18:44] ---
    I see. The president is being shy.
[18:48] ---
    In that case, there's no need
    for me to be bashful.
[18:52] ---
    I'm totally calm.
[18:55] ---
    I can do this!
[18:56] ---
    This time, I can go over to him.
[18:59] ---
    I can go over to her!
[19:11] ---
    An asterisk!
[19:15] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    are you making fun of me?
[19:20] ---
    Keep your mind on the cleaning!
[19:23] ---
    What are the rules of this game?
[19:25] ---
    I have to talk to her
    and clear up this misunderstanding!
[19:28] ---
    This time, for sure!
[19:29] ---
    I see! It's not an asterisk!
[19:32] ---
    Hey, what's up?
[19:36] ---
    But it's a triangle!
[19:41] ---
    Now what?
[19:42] ---
    You're mocking me, too, aren't you?
[19:46] ---
    Did I do something?
[19:47] ---
    Jeez, you don't get it at all,
    do you, Ishigami?
[19:51] ---
    Why are you suddenly
    looking down on me?
[19:53] ---
    Ishigami, am I really
    that amusing to you?
[19:56] ---
    You, too, President?
[20:01] ---
    I'm sorry.
[20:02] ---
    This is over my head,
    so I'm going home.
[20:04] ---
    Ishigami was shot down.
[20:06] ---
    Poor Ishigami. But four's a crowd.
[20:09] ---
    Three's a crowd, Miss Fujiwara.
[20:15] ---
    Why?
[20:17] ---
    Fujiwara was shot down.
[20:21] ---
    What the hell is going on here?
[20:24] ---
    I know I've been avoiding her,
[20:26] ---
    but Shinomiya has been doing
    the same thing, too, repeatedly.
[20:30] ---
    Maybe...
[20:33] ---
    she feels self-conscious!
[20:35] ---
    Calm down, Kaguya!
[20:38] ---
    Close your eyes! It'll be okay!
[20:40] ---
    Maybe she didn't think
    I was pathetic but actually cool!
[20:45] ---
    Shirogane was back on his feet!
[20:47] ---
    This time for sure!
[20:49] ---
    This time...
[21:02] ---
    There's something
    I really wanted to tell you, President.
[21:08] ---
    President, on the night of the fireworks...
[21:12] ---
    I have to tell him.
[21:15] ---
    I have to say "Thank you"!
[21:21] ---
    Um,
[21:23] ---
    that was painful, huh?
[21:25] ---
    President, on the night of the fireworks...
[21:29] ---
    Painful, painful, painful, painful,
    painful, painful, painful, painful...
[21:34] ---
    That was painful, huh?
[21:38] ---
    I-I know, right?
[21:41] ---
    Shirogane was shot down.
[21:44] ---
    President!
    There's something I want to tell you!
[21:46] ---
    I-I get it already!
[21:50] ---
    Please wait up, President!
[21:52] ---
    RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
[21:52] ---
    FLYING ACE SHINOMIYA'S
    VICTORY
[21:53] ---
    And so, they were back to normal.
[21:56] ---
    The second semester had begun.
[23:33] ---
    A romantic battle of the brains.
[23:35] ---
    A battle of the sexes in which
    neither side can afford to be honest.
[23:38] ---
    With unspoken feelings
    hidden in their hearts,
[23:40] ---
    they continue making their wish
[23:43] ---
    for the other person to confess their love.
[23:46] ---
    I swear I'll make you say it.
[23:49] ---
    KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
[23:50] ---
    You'll say "I love you."

Season 2 - Love is War?

Season 2 - Love is War?

E1 - Ai Hayasaka Wants to Stave Them Off

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] ---
    I swear I'll make you say it.
[00:05] ---
    "KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"
[00:07] ---
    The words, "I love you."
[00:12] ---
    "AAAH!!"
[00:14] ---
    "THE GENIUSES' WAR OF HEARTS AND MINDS"
[00:15] ---
    "I'M AN UNWANTED CHILD!!"
[00:41] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[00:52] ---
    Ai Hayasaka.
[00:53] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant
[00:56] ---
    is a pro at handling her employer's
    impossible demands.
[01:01] ---
    I apologize for this, President.
[01:03] ---
    It's all for Lady Kaguya.
[01:11] ---
    How's the coffee, President?
[01:12] ---
    "AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF"
[01:14] ---
    Oh, it's as good as always.
[01:17] ---
    Is that right?
[01:18] ---
    I'm glad to hear it.
[01:33] ---
    Decaffeinated coffee!
SIGN    "SHIROGANE'S DAY" "Sleep" "Morning Study"
[01:35] ---
    Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.
SIGN    "Go to School" "Classes" "Student Council"
SIGN    "Job" "Go Home" "Night Study"
[01:38] ---
    If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,
[01:38] ---
    "CAFFEINE"
[01:40] ---
    it's as if his battery runs out.
[01:41] ---
    He's a major caffeine fiend.
[01:43] ---
    Without the caffeine in his coffee
    serving as a lifeline,
[01:47] ---
    he crashes!
[01:48] ---
    Goodnight, President.
[01:51] ---
    Now...
[01:52] ---
    ...for the next step of my strategy...
[01:54] ---
    Like most days,
    Kaguya is plotting something, but...
[02:03] ---
    What's wrong?
[02:05] ---
    Hayasaka,
[02:07] ---
    there's been an accident.
[02:09] ---
    President is...
[02:11] ---
    ...on my shoulder!
[02:14] ---
    Ch-Change of plans!
[02:16] ---
    Listen! Until I come up with the next plan,
    don't let a single soul enter this room!
[02:23] ---
    As you wish.
[02:24] ---
    The first topic of the first episode
    of the second season is...
[02:28] ---
    Ai Hayasaka's hardships.
SIGN    "MISSION: Don't let a single soul into the student council room"
[02:40] ---
    I left something in there!
[02:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya is in a really bad mood!
[02:46] ---
    She has this murderous gleam
    in her eyes.
[02:50] ---
    Changing people's behaviors...
[02:52] ---
    To accomplish this,
    you need to anticipate their actions,
[02:54] ---
    "FUND-RAISING PERMISSION FORM"
[02:55] ---
    read their train of thought
[02:56] ---
    and choose
    the appropriate intervention.
[02:56] ---
    "Skill: Gal Mode"
SIGN    "No one's in the student council room. It's locked. I can't finish my errands. People with free time, meet up in the library."
[03:23] ---
    Here.
[03:50] ---
    "NAPPING"
[03:53] ---
    Has Lady Kaguya accomplished
    her objective?
[03:57] ---
    I wouldn't expect a kiss,
    but perhaps his head lying on her lap.
[04:05] ---
    Nothing has changed!
[04:07] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[04:07] ---
    Today's battle result...
[04:08] ---
    "KAGUYA WINS"
[04:09] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[04:11] ---
    This still counts!
[04:14] ---
    "THAT WAS BEFORE SUMMER VACATION.
    AND NOW..."
[04:17] ---
    Romantic advice?
[04:19] ---
    Yeah, man.
[04:20] ---
    It's like you're the romantic guru around here.
    Like Dr. Love or something.
[04:26] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    HAS NOT ACHIEVED NIRVANA"
[04:26] ---
    That's fine, but...
[04:29] ---
    "FLOP "FLIP
    DUDE-BRO" WIMP"
[04:30] ---
    Um... The thing is...
[04:32] ---
    What the hell happened to you?
[04:33] ---
    You're like a sleazy player!
[04:33] ---
    "PLAYA!!"
[04:34] ---
    Post-summer vacation!
[04:36] ---
    They say you should take a close look at a boy
    if you haven't seen him for three days,
[04:39] ---
    and the change is even more obvious
    after the month-long summer vacation.
[04:43] ---
    Various internal changes manifest externally.
[04:44] ---
    Before summer vacation,
    your hair was straight and black!
[04:48] ---
    What's this?
[04:49] ---
    Well, that's related
    to what I want to ask you about.
[04:54] ---
    All right, fine!
[04:57] ---
    If you're doing a consultation,
    I could make myself scarce.
[04:59] ---
    No, it's cool.
[05:01] ---
    In fact, I want you to listen in.
[05:04] ---
    So, what's the problem?
[05:06] ---
    Well, it's about Nagisa again.
[05:09] ---
    You know, my girlfriend.
[05:10] ---
    He had to throw that in.
[05:12] ---
    Aren't things going well
    between you two?
[05:15] ---
    Going well?
[05:17] ---
    What's the yardstick for that?
[05:20] ---
    It's so-so, I guess.
[05:23] ---
    President, that expression doesn't say
    "so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!
[05:24] ---
    Well, so-so, I guess
    I could really say "not bad"!
[05:28] ---
    Right.
[05:30] ---
    I have a sneaking suspicion...
[05:32] ---
    ...that he's not really here
    for advice but to gloat.
[05:36] ---
    No, no way. I'm sure
    he's about to get down to business.
[05:41] ---
    How can I put it?
[05:43] ---
    Summer was maybe too awesome.
[05:48] ---
    It's like, the two of us are lovebirds,
[05:49] ---
    "I'M TELLIN' YOU..."
[05:51] ---
    but where do we go from here?
[05:54] ---
    He is just here to gloat!
[05:57] ---
    Ch-Chill! What do you intend to do
    with that toilet paper?
[06:01] ---
    So,
[06:02] ---
    you're asking me
    how to get to the next step?
[06:06] ---
    Um...
[06:08] ---
    More or less, I guess.
[06:12] ---
    President, I think this guy's run out of steps.
[06:15] ---
    No, get out of here.
[06:17] ---
    They've only been a couple for four months.
[06:19] ---
    They wouldn't have gone that far.
[06:20] ---
    No, I sense the divine!
[06:22] ---
    It's like he's experienced nirvana!
[06:23] ---
    The ABCs of Love!
[06:25] ---
    It's said that it takes high school students
    three to six months of dating
[06:31] ---
    before they go all the way to C.
[06:33] ---
    Nagisa and her boyfriend had been going out
    for more than three months.
[06:36] ---
    On top of that,
    they spent summer vacation together!
[06:38] ---
    It was entirely possible
    that they experienced nirvana.
[06:42] ---
    Man, summer vacation was the best!
[06:46] ---
    I'm sure you enjoyed yours,
    too, right, President?
[06:48] ---
    All I did was study and work every day.
[06:52] ---
    Except at the end when the student council
    got together to watch fireworks.
[06:57] ---
    That's all?
[06:58] ---
    That's all.
[06:59] ---
    No dates with girls?
[07:01] ---
    None.
[07:03] ---
    Kinda sorry I asked.
[07:04] ---
    "GRIT GRIT"
[07:05] ---
    President, what do you intend to do
    with that toilet paper?
[07:09] ---
    Oh, there you are.
[07:11] ---
    Oh, Nagisa.
[07:13] ---
    You've got business
    with the student council, too?
[07:15] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
[07:19] ---
    I want to discuss something with Kaguya.
[07:23] ---
    That's kind of erotic!
[07:24] ---
    I-Idiot! That's the way you want to see her!
[07:27] ---
    I just want to talk to Kaguya.
[07:27] ---
    Those two haven't gone that far!
    You're overthinking it!
[07:30] ---
    Huh? Talk to her about what?
[07:32] ---
    Then, let's investigate.
[07:33] ---
    That's a secret!
[07:33] ---
    Investigate?
[07:34] ---
    Tell me!
[07:35] ---
    How?
[07:36] ---
    Then it wouldn't be a secret!
[07:37] ---
    Oh, come on!
[07:38] ---
    We have to step out for a bit.
    Please have a seat and wait.
[07:43] ---
    Okay.
[07:45] ---
    Look, a couple who's experienced nirvana
    will act goofy when they're alone.
[07:55] ---
    Watch closely.
[07:57] ---
    O-Okay.
[07:58] ---
    Excuse me.
[07:59] ---
    Would you get out of the way?
[08:01] ---
    Sh-Shinomiya!
[08:03] ---
    What are you doing?
[08:05] ---
    We're observing those two
    to see if they've experienced nirvana.
[08:09] ---
    Those two? That far?
[08:11] ---
    How does she understand it?
[08:13] ---
    One in three people!
[08:15] ---
    What does "nirvana" mean?
[08:17] ---
    I think in this situation,
    it means divine deeds...
[08:24] ---
    Holding hands!
[08:26] ---
    What do you say to that?
[08:27] ---
    I don't know.
[08:28] ---
    Couples hold hands on their first date, right?
[08:31] ---
    President holds hands on a first date!
[08:34] ---
    Huh?
[08:36] ---
    A kiss! She kissed him!
[08:39] ---
    This is nirvana, right?
[08:41] ---
    Not yet!
[08:42] ---
    Kissing is probably like on the third date!
[08:44] ---
    The third date?
[08:50] ---
    He's nibbling her neck!
[08:52] ---
    Wouldn't you say right now that they're
    already on their way to nirvana?
[08:53] ---
    Don't push!
[08:56] ---
    No! Necking is like on the fourth date!
[08:58] ---
    The fourth date?
[09:03] ---
    Then, how many dates before nirvana?
[09:05] ---
    Five dates!
[09:13] ---
    Shinomiya!
[09:14] ---
    Kaguya!
[09:15] ---
    What happ--
[09:16] ---
    Gotcha!
[09:18] ---
    K-Kashiwagi!
[09:20] ---
    W-We were just...
[09:22] ---
    Sorry.
[09:24] ---
    We were just goofing on you!
[09:26] ---
    We haven't yet gotten to the point
    that you all think we're at.
[09:31] ---
    So, relax.
[09:33] ---
    I-I didn't think you were...
[09:35] ---
    Not yet...
[09:37] ---
    Yes.
[09:39] ---
    Of course.
[09:41] ---
    I can't tell if it's true!
[09:43] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[09:43] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:45] ---
    The student council loses.
[09:45] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    LOSES"
[09:48] ---
    I mentioned that my type was confident
    and wild guys, so he's trying to get there.
[09:53] ---
    He's obedient like that.
[09:56] ---
    "TABLETOP GAME CLUB"
[09:56] ---
    We made a board game
    at the tabletop game club!
[10:00] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO GET MARRIED"
[10:01] ---
    An original creation?
[10:03] ---
    You line up the cards,
    with each one representing a square.
[10:08] ---
    It sounds pretty interesting.
[10:10] ---
    We call it the "Happy Life Game"!
[10:12] ---
    "GOAL"
[10:12] ---
    Let's play it together!
[10:14] ---
    No, thanks.
[10:14] ---
    Pass.
[10:16] ---
    Today's battle result... N/A.
[10:19] ---
    I just have a bad feeling about that game.
[10:21] ---
    Nothing good could come out of a game
    created by Fujiwara.
[10:24] ---
    There's nothing to worry about!
    It was a group effort by everyone in the club!
[10:29] ---
    Oh, come on.
[10:30] ---
    I'll feel bad if she went to the trouble
    of making a game
[10:33] ---
    and everyone refuses to play it.
[10:35] ---
    I-Ishigami!
[10:39] ---
    You're actually a nice guy!
[10:42] ---
    I'm sorry for thinking you were a brute
    who beats women with logical arguments!
[10:47] ---
    That's how you thought of me?
[10:49] ---
    But it's your own fault
    for having such a beatable body.
[10:52] ---
    All right, fine.
[10:54] ---
    But just once.
[10:56] ---
    Yay!
[10:59] ---
    Board games!
[11:01] ---
    A pastime with a history
    that can be traced back to Ancient Egypt.
[11:05] ---
    The game Fujiwara and her fellow members
    made uses cards as squares,
[11:08] ---
    but is otherwise a
    traditional board game
[11:09] ---
    "Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production
    Happy Life Game Instructions"
[11:11] ---
    in which the player
    who earns the most money wins.
[11:14] ---
    Okay, I'll go first.
[11:17] ---
    "LUCKY"
[11:18] ---
    "MISFORTUNE"
[11:19] ---
    "Misfortune"?
[11:21] ---
    Flip over a card
    for the square you landed on!
[11:25] ---
    A Traffic Accident card!
[11:27] ---
    Roll the die once more and if it's a one.
[11:30] ---
    It's a one.
[11:31] ---
    Then, you died, Ishigami.
[11:34] ---
    What happens when I die?
[11:35] ---
    It's all over.
    You're out of the game in last place.
[11:39] ---
    I see.
[11:40] ---
    Be careful, you two.
[11:42] ---
    This game is crap.
[11:44] ---
    You realized too late.
[11:45] ---
    You were just unlucky, Ishigami!
[11:48] ---
    All right, my turn...
[11:48] ---
    Please show me the rule book.
[11:50] ---
    Here.
[11:55] ---
    "AFTER SCHOOL EVENT"
[11:55] ---
    It says "After School Event."
[11:58] ---
    With this event, you choose to hang out
    after school, or go home and study.
[12:03] ---
    Okay, I'll study at home.
[12:05] ---
    That shows your personality.
[12:07] ---
    Then, I'll give you
    a Nerdy Student card, President!
[12:10] ---
    "NERDY STUDENT"
[12:11] ---
    Are you making fun of me?
[12:13] ---
    I landed on a Lucky square.
[12:16] ---
    That means something lucky happens to you!
[12:18] ---
    "GRIN"
[12:19] ---
    You were tricked by a bad guy,
[12:21] ---
    but it works out when you get
    ten million yen from a lawsuit!
[12:25] ---
    That's not lucky at all.
[12:27] ---
    You get a Distrusts All Men card!
[12:30] ---
    "DISTRUSTS ALL MEN"
[12:31] ---
    I don't want it.
[12:32] ---
    When you land on a square,
    it's removed from the game.
[12:34] ---
    That makes it easier for the players
    who are behind to catch up.
[12:38] ---
    That's a good idea.
[12:40] ---
    Incidentally, what part of the game
    were you in charge of?
[12:42] ---
    I thought up all of the events!
[12:42] ---
    "FINISH LINE"
[12:46] ---
    I'm not surprised.
[12:47] ---
    You should be remorseful, not proud.
[12:50] ---
    And the game continues!
[12:53] ---
    With his Nerdy Student card,
    Shirogane goes on to a first-rate university.
[12:57] ---
    Kaguya lands on several lucky squares,
    so is currently in the lead with a lot of money.
[13:01] ---
    They've made it past the Child Zone
    and are in the Adult Zone.
[13:05] ---
    This game is actually
    more decent than I thought.
[13:09] ---
    It seems the students other than Fujiwara
    who worked on this actually thought it through.
[13:11] ---
    "BLAH-BLAH"
[13:15] ---
    "OUR TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!"
[13:16] ---
    This is where the game originated!
[13:16] ---
    "GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI"
SIGN    "GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI" "There's also a member named Fujiwara."
[13:19] ---
    "MARRIAGE"
[13:21] ---
    What's this?
[13:21] ---
    A Marriage square.
[13:24] ---
    You marry the player
    who's in the square closest to you.
[13:27] ---
    Marriage?
[13:28] ---
    Married players share the effects
    of the squares they land on.
[13:32] ---
    President is getting married?
    T-To whom?
[13:36] ---
    "S" "C"
[13:37] ---
    I'm closest to him!
[13:44] ---
    President and I got married!
[13:47] ---
    President...
[13:48] ---
    ...got married!
[13:53] ---
    I-I have to calm down!
[13:53] ---
    Could you give me some room?
[13:55] ---
    Th-This is only a game!
[13:55] ---
    You're so bashful!
[13:58] ---
    I can't confuse this with reality!
[14:00] ---
    Oh, the other players have to give the newlyweds
[14:00] ---
    "HAPPY GAME LIFE RULES"
[14:03] ---
    50,000 yen as a wedding gift.
[14:09] ---
    Not real money.
[14:14] ---
    The company I founded is a success.
[14:15] ---
    "ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS"
[14:16] ---
    I get ten million yen. Yay, I'm so lucky.
[14:19] ---
    A Birth square!
[14:22] ---
    We have a kid!
[14:23] ---
    A kid?
[14:25] ---
    I became a teen mom!
[14:25] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[14:28] ---
    The required gift is 100,000 yen.
[14:31] ---
    Please put away your real money.
[14:35] ---
    My company is listed...
[14:38] ---
    ...in the first section
    of the stock exchange.
[14:38] ---
    "FIRST SECTION LISTED"
[14:39] ---
    Oh, how lucky is that!
[14:41] ---
    And then, the players
    move into the Old Age Zone.
[14:44] ---
    We have a whole brood!
[14:45] ---
    "9 KIDS"
[14:46] ---
    President, you've got too much energy.
[14:49] ---
    It's not my fault!
[14:51] ---
    You're doing great, Kaguya!
[14:53] ---
    You're the president
    of a global corporation!
[14:55] ---
    You're a major success!
[14:57] ---
    That's right.
[14:58] ---
    I haven't made any missteps.
[15:00] ---
    And yet, what's this emptiness I feel?
[15:03] ---
    "DECREPIT"
[15:03] ---
    I'm single, even as an elderly woman.
[15:05] ---
    I have plenty of money,
    but I'm not happy.
[15:08] ---
    What was the point of my life?
[15:11] ---
    Late Divorce square!
[15:14] ---
    I discover my husband cheated on me!
[15:16] ---
    We get a divorce!
[15:18] ---
    You're a scumbag, President.
[15:20] ---
    This is only a game!
[15:22] ---
    Incidentally, the husband has to pay
    20 million yen per kid for child support.
[15:22] ---
    "20 MILLION YEN"
[15:26] ---
    "180 MILLION YEN"
[15:27] ---
    You're killing me!
[15:29] ---
    Oh my.
[15:32] ---
    How cute.
[15:34] ---
    You're that happy
    when someone's suffering?
[15:38] ---
    Well, my turn.
[15:39] ---
    "MARRIAGE"
[15:40] ---
    H-Huh?
[15:41] ---
    A Marriage square?
[15:43] ---
    The player closest to me is President!
[15:44] ---
    "K" "S"
[15:46] ---
    Then...
[15:56] ---
    P-President and I are...
[15:58] ---
    Shinomiya and I are...
[16:00] ---
    ...married?
[16:00] ---
    ...married?
[16:05] ---
    Wait a second.
[16:06] ---
    Shinomiya has a Distrusts All Men card,
[16:09] ---
    so she can't get married!
[16:12] ---
    What happens then?
[16:14] ---
    Um, the next closest player...
[16:17] ---
    You marry Fujiwara!
[16:19] ---
    Wait!
[16:27] ---
    "SPONGY SPONGY"
[16:27] ---
    Kaguya, let's live happily ever after!
[16:31] ---
    "BIRTH"
[16:32] ---
    I landed on a Birth square.
[16:34] ---
    We have a child!
[16:36] ---
    How did that happen?
[16:39] ---
    Another Birth square!
[16:41] ---
    We're spry for our age!
[16:43] ---
    And then...
[16:45] ---
    The finish line.
[16:46] ---
    Game over!
SIGN    "1st place: KAGUYA, 1,375,000,000 yen 2nd place: FUJIWARA, 430,000,000 yen 3rd place: SHIROGANE, 95,000,000 yen 4th place: THE LATE ISHIGAMI, 0 yen"
[16:49] ---
    So,
[16:50] ---
    Kaguya is the winner
    of the Happy Life Game!
[16:54] ---
    I don't have
    any happy memories whatsoever.
[16:56] ---
    Late divorce, child support,
    lawsuit payout, loss of trust...
[16:58] ---
    Wasn't that fun?
[17:00] ---
    Let's play again!
[17:01] ---
    Never again.
[17:01] ---
    No way.
[17:03] ---
    Why?
[17:05] ---
    I actually enjoyed it.
SIGN    "LESSON: IF YOU MARRY FUJIWARA, IT WILL DRIVE YOU TO DEPRESSION."
[17:07] ---
    Lesson...
[17:09] ---
    If you marry Fujiwara,
    it will drive you to depression.
[17:13] ---
    You should really give the game a total
    debugging before having people play it.
[17:16] ---
    Okay.
[17:16] ---
    Right now, the game relies
    too much on luck,
[17:18] ---
    but one workaround would be
    being able to pool one roll of the die
[17:20] ---
    Okay.
[17:22] ---
    to increase the ability to strategize.
    Also, do away with the sudden death element...
[17:23] ---
    Okay.
[17:26] ---
    "ABOUT 1 YEAR EARLIER"
[17:29] ---
    You had a birthday recently,
    didn't you, President?
[17:32] ---
    Oh, was that my birthday?
[17:35] ---
    Did you forget?
[17:36] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO CELEBRATE"
[17:37] ---
    I haven't celebrated it in years.
    It's no different than any other day.
[17:42] ---
    Unless you're telling me
    you'll celebrate it next year...
[17:45] ---
    As if.
[17:47] ---
    There's not a snowball's chance in hell.
[17:53] ---
    Four more days until President's birthday!
[17:56] ---
    After what I said last year,
    it's hard to bring it up now!
[18:00] ---
    Jeez!
[18:01] ---
    Eiffel Tower!
[18:03] ---
    It's like all I can think about
    is celebrating President's birthday!
[18:07] ---
    It's not like I have to do anything
    for his birthday!
[18:09] ---
    D-Diamond!
[18:11] ---
    Birthday! A special day
    that only comes around once a year.
[18:16] ---
    But owing to financial circumstances,
[18:18] ---
    Shirogane has no special feelings
    about his birthday and won't even bring it up.
[18:22] ---
    Unless someone said something,
    Shirogane's birthday would pass by unnoticed.
[18:29] ---
    Kaguya, are you troubled about something?
[18:32] ---
    Well, I guess you could say that.
[18:37] ---
    In that case...
[18:39] ---
    "FIVE MINUTES LATER"
[18:42] ---
    Fortune Teller Chika
    will read your fortune, Kaguya!
[18:42] ---
    "TA-DA"
[18:46] ---
    Fortune?
[18:48] ---
    Yes!
[18:49] ---
    All you have to do is put your sex
    and birthdate onto this site,
[18:52] ---
    and it'll solve any problem you have!
[18:53] ---
    "BIRTHDAY FORTUNE"
[18:56] ---
    You're just relying on an app.
[18:58] ---
    In the first place, what can
    sex and birthdate tell you...
[18:59] ---
    Here you go!
[19:01] ---
    Birthdate?
[19:04] ---
    This seems interesting.
[19:06] ---
    Let's all do it.
[19:08] ---
    Yay!
[19:09] ---
    My birthday is January 1st.
[19:12] ---
    I'm a New Year's baby.
[19:14] ---
    Um, born on January 1st...
[19:18] ---
    "You're like an Alexandrite.
[19:21] ---
    Like the gem named after a king,
[19:24] ---
    you have a noble character
    and are full of pride.
[19:27] ---
    Moreover, just as this stone has the rare trait
    of appearing red or blue at times,
[19:31] ---
    sometimes you are an angel
    and sometimes a demon.
[19:36] ---
    If you throw away your pride
    and be honest about your feelings,
[19:39] ---
    When she's full of pride...
[19:39] ---
    happiness will come to you."
    That's what it says!
[19:44] ---
    ...she's a demon!
[19:48] ---
    Did you say something?
[19:49] ---
    No!
[19:51] ---
    That was totally off.
[19:53] ---
    "SHIVER SHIVER"
[19:54] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, I believe your birthday is on...
[19:56] ---
    March 3rd, Girls' Day!
[19:59] ---
    "You're like the flame of a candle.
[20:02] ---
    You light up your surroundings
    and your heat slowly melts ice.
[20:07] ---
    That symbolizes dedication and affection.
[20:11] ---
    If you continue to pour love into everything
    you do, your wish will come true."
[20:16] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[20:16] ---
    That's what it says!
[20:17] ---
    Dedication? Affection?
[20:18] ---
    I don't know that person. Are they sure it's
    not meant to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:23] ---
    My birthday is also March 3rd.
[20:25] ---
    Why would you do that, you halfwit?
[20:27] ---
    Why are you angry?
[20:28] ---
    When they celebrate mine, they'll have
    to celebrate for you at the same time!
[20:33] ---
    Celebrating both of us together
    takes away my specialness, you idiot!
[20:37] ---
    Fujiwara, I'm not sensing
    any dedication or affection here.
[20:38] ---
    In the end, horoscopes like that
    are no more than the Barnum effect,
[20:41] ---
    saying words that hint at
    a deeper meaning
[20:41] ---
    Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:42] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:42] ---
    which the listener conveniently
    interprets to solve the problem.
[20:43] ---
    Raaar! Graaar!
[20:44] ---
    But I'll still use it here.
[20:44] ---
    Wh-What's "Raaar! Graaar"?
[20:46] ---
    Raaar! Graaar!
[20:47] ---
    You're next, President.
[20:49] ---
    Tell me your birth--
[20:50] ---
    I'm not interested.
[20:53] ---
    Horoscopes are no more
    than the Barnum effect,
[20:55] ---
    saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
    which the listener conveniently interprets.
[20:55] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:59] ---
    N-No! That's not true!
[21:02] ---
    For example, feng shui incorporates
    elements of architecture and statistics.
[21:06] ---
    But we're talking
    birthday horoscopes, right?
[21:08] ---
    Your birthday is just the day
    you happened to be born on.
[21:11] ---
    Like there's any meaning to that?
[21:13] ---
    There is! It's a special day
    that only comes around once a year!
[21:17] ---
    I once told you and only you
    what day my birthday was, Shinomiya.
[21:22] ---
    You have a good memory, but even you forgot
    something so inconsequential.
[21:25] ---
    I remember!
[21:26] ---
    You birthday's on September 9th
    which makes you a Virgo!
[21:28] ---
    Your blood type is O and your
    birth weight was 2,118 grams, right?
[21:32] ---
    I remember it, but...
[21:33] ---
    Don't be like that!
[21:35] ---
    Other than personality analysis,
    this can do compatibility divination!
[21:39] ---
    Let's do it!
[21:41] ---
    I'm not doing any of it!
[21:43] ---
    Jeez!
[21:44] ---
    What's with you?
[21:45] ---
    When someone's trying to celebrate
    your birthday out of a sense of noblesse oblige!
[21:50] ---
    Even though I'm sure you have no intention
    of celebrating my birthday, right?
[21:54] ---
    "HMPH"
[21:55] ---
    That's not true.
[21:56] ---
    Shirogane eagerly watches
    the daily horoscope on TV every morning.
[21:57] ---
    Yes! Virgo is in first place!
[22:00] ---
    And he has Kaguya's birthday
    clearly marked in his date book.
[22:03] ---
    To top it off, Shirogane
    has already checked that site.
[22:06] ---
    Both the personality analysis
    and the compatibility divination...
SIGN    "BAM" "Born on September 9th x Born on January 1st"
[22:11] ---
    "Your compatibility is..."
    "PRETTY IFFY!!"
SIGN    "YOU ARE 'PURE SILVER.'" "SURPRISINGLY MELLOW, GETS DEPRESSED EASILY..."
[22:12] ---
    I shouldn't have looked!
[22:15] ---
    Shirogane doesn't want Shinomiya
    to see the results,
[22:18] ---
    so he refuses to tell her his birthday.
[22:22] ---
    But...
[22:22] ---
    ...he couldn't explain that to her, either.
[22:26] ---
    I can't tell her that.
[22:30] ---
    What does that mean?
    Is President trying to tell me something?
[22:35] ---
    Maybe...
[22:38] ---
    President only wants me to celebrate it?
[22:43] ---
    Incorrect.
[22:45] ---
    Is he in a bad mood because he thinks
    I've forgotten his birthday?
[22:50] ---
    Wrong.
[22:51] ---
    Jeez!
[22:52] ---
    If that's what it is,
    then I have no choice.
[22:54] ---
    That's not what it is.
[22:56] ---
    Just the two of us celebrating his birthday
    would be something a couple would do!
[23:01] ---
    "WRIGGLE WRIGGLE"
[23:01] ---
    Well, I guess he can be selfish once a year!
    I can give in just this once!
[23:05] ---
    Shinomiya, is something wrong?
[23:09] ---
    Nothing at all.
[23:11] ---
    An angelic smile?
[23:12] ---
    Thank you for worrying about me.
[23:15] ---
    If you're ever in trouble,
    feel free to ask me for advice.
[23:19] ---
    Repulsive!
[23:20] ---
    A birthday party for Shirogane!
SIGN    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS (FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)"
[23:22] ---
    Kaguya decided to have one
    with just the two of them!
SIGN    "ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY'" "Symbol of misfortune and sacrifice. Be careful of slips of the tongue."
[23:26] ---
    They're not going to check my fortune?
[23:27] ---
    "I'll do it myself..."

Season 2 - Love is War?

E2 - Kaguya Wants to Know

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] ---
    Window shopping!
[01:33] ---
    Today we're going to stock up for fall!
[01:36] ---
    Moeha, you don't actually buy things
    if you're window shopping.
[01:36] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO KNOW"
[01:39] ---
    Details, details!
[01:41] ---
    The day has finally arrived!
[01:43] ---
    This is my chance to befriend
    President's sister!
[01:46] ---
    And his birthday
    is the day after tomorrow!
[01:50] ---
    Window shopping!
[01:52] ---
    The original plan was to go
    during summer vacation,
[01:53] ---
    We'll put it off!
[01:55] ---
    but it was delayed
    and finally rescheduled for today.
[01:58] ---
    It's so crowded today!
[01:59] ---
    Coincidentally, it happened to be two days
    before Miyuki Shirogane's birthday.
[02:02] ---
    It was the perfect opportunity
    to ask Kei advice about a gift for her brother.
[02:08] ---
    Miss Fujiwara is hogging President's sister!
[02:12] ---
    Oh, is that right?
    So, this is how you want to play it?
[02:17] ---
    I wanna be next to you, Kaguya!
[02:19] ---
    Moeha...
[02:20] ---
    "GLOW"
[02:20] ---
    I'm so happy you came today!
[02:23] ---
    To be honest, I don't like
    hanging around with her.
[02:26] ---
    She's not a bad girl or anything, but...
[02:28] ---
    Isn't Kei cute?
[02:30] ---
    All the boys think so,
[02:32] ---
    but she's also really popular among the girls.
[02:35] ---
    She's a hard worker who hates dishonesty
    and is like totally pure.
[02:40] ---
    The type of girl you want to see get defiled!
[02:44] ---
    "LET ME OUT"
[02:44] ---
    I wish I could lock her up in an underground
    cage and torment her for the rest of her life!
[02:48] ---
    Of course I love you, too, Kaguya.
[02:50] ---
    You're ranked number one
    on the list of people I want to devour!
[02:54] ---
    Scary!
[02:57] ---
    If I don't take Miss Fujiwara's place
    next to President's sister fast,
[03:00] ---
    I feel like I'll never escape
    Moeha's clutches!
[03:03] ---
    However,
[03:04] ---
    Kaguya was blocked from taking the direct approach
    with the person she really wanted to talk to.
[03:04] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:06] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:08] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:09] ---
    With the Fujiwara Sisters
    monopolizing Kei Shirogane's sides,
[03:12] ---
    Kaguya couldn't even break the ice.
[03:17] ---
    450 newspaper deliveries...
[03:21] ---
    What's this about newspapers?
[03:22] ---
    Oh, nothing.
[03:24] ---
    Hayasaka always prepares my clothes,
[03:24] ---
    Go for it!
[03:26] ---
    so I've never bought for myself.
[03:33] ---
    I'll wait here for them
    to finish their shopping.
[03:44] ---
    Her profile!
    She looks just like President!
[03:49] ---
    Um...
[03:50] ---
    Yes? Is something wrong, Little Sis?
[03:53] ---
    "Little Sis"?
[03:54] ---
    What should I call you?
    "Miss Shirogane"?
[03:58] ---
    "Kei" is fine, since you're older than me.
[04:01] ---
    All right, Miss Kei.
[04:03] ---
    "Kei."
[04:04] ---
    Miss Kei.
[04:05] ---
    Just "Kei."
[04:08] ---
    Kei.
[04:09] ---
    Yes.
[04:10] ---
    It feels so unnatural to call her that
    when I barely know her!
[04:15] ---
    But this is a major development!
[04:17] ---
    Now I can ask her advice about
    what to buy President for his birthday!
[04:22] ---
    Well, we're into fall already.
[04:24] ---
    At this rate, Christmas will be
    right around the corner.
[04:26] ---
    What kind of presents does
    the Shirogane Family usually exchange?
[04:31] ---
    Yes! A natural conversation flow!
[04:33] ---
    Christmas?
[04:35] ---
    We don't really celebrate that at our house.
[04:40] ---
    Our dad usually gives us each a bookstore
    gift card worth 2,000 yen, but that's about it.
[04:44] ---
    I had no idea!
[04:45] ---
    I'm sorry! Then, how about birthdays?
[04:48] ---
    Do you give each other presents
    on your birthdays?
[04:51] ---
    I'm not that close to my brother.
[04:54] ---
    Why not?
[04:55] ---
    After all, he's stupid, repulsive,
[04:57] ---
    tells lies for no good reason and leaves
    his clothes inside out after taking them off.
[05:02] ---
    Is President that messy at home?
[05:02] ---
    It's a pain in the ass.
[05:05] ---
    He's like that with birthdays, too.
[05:07] ---
    As a family, we agreed
    that buying presents is a waste of money,
[05:10] ---
    so we decided to stop doing it.
[05:12] ---
    But he'll slip 1,000 yen into my wallet
    without saying anything!
[05:18] ---
    And when I call him to the carpet
    about it, he feigns ignorance.
[05:21] ---
    See? He lies about the most idiotic things!
[05:25] ---
    That's a moving story!
[05:28] ---
    Well! She made him out to be
    an ogre at home,
[05:31] ---
    but President is no different from at school!
    She made me nervous for a second there!
[05:40] ---
    Are you all right?
[05:46] ---
    You've got a little scrape.
[05:51] ---
    Wash it off with water. There!
[05:56] ---
    You'll be fine now.
[05:59] ---
    Thank you!
[06:01] ---
    Bye-bye!
[06:03] ---
    Kei, didn't you just buy that handkerchief?
[06:07] ---
    Yes.
[06:08] ---
    But that was the best way to use it.
[06:14] ---
    She's like him.
[06:16] ---
    "SHE LIKES CAFFEINE"
[06:17] ---
    She's like him!
[06:18] ---
    "SPEAKING FLUENTLY"
[06:19] ---
    She's like him!
[06:21] ---
    I have a coupon.
[06:22] ---
    She's just like him!
[06:26] ---
    She's just like President!
[06:29] ---
    What should I do?
    Kei is reminding me more and more of him!
[06:32] ---
    What's wrong with me?
    Even though Kei is next to me,
[06:36] ---
    I feel like I'm on a date with President!
[06:44] ---
    Shinomiya...
[06:45] ---
    I had fun today.
[06:47] ---
    Can we go out again
    together sometime?
[06:52] ---
    Yes!
[06:54] ---
    If possible, next time,
[06:56] ---
    j-just the two of--
[06:58] ---
    I had a great time today, too!
[07:00] ---
    "SQUISH"
[07:03] ---
    Let's hang out again soon!
[07:07] ---
    Lowlife. The incarnation of carnal desire,
    throwing your body at men with no hesitation.
[07:12] ---
    A foul woman who sees men
    as nothing more than prey.
[07:15] ---
    In the first place, Kei is not a man.
[07:18] ---
    You've finally crossed the line
    that must never be crossed.
[07:19] ---
    Me, too! Squishies!
[07:21] ---
    "GRIN"
[07:22] ---
    Come on! You, too, Kaguya!
[07:25] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[07:28] ---
    I-If I must...
[07:32] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[07:33] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:34] ---
    "(LOWLIFE) KAGUYA WINS"
[07:34] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[07:37] ---
    So...
[07:38] ---
    ...your research didn't go well?
[07:41] ---
    No, but I did get some insight.
[07:43] ---
    President has had a strict upbringing
    that emphasizes the value of money.
[07:46] ---
    So, I don't think he'd accept anything
    that is obviously expensive.
[07:50] ---
    Then, if it's a question of feelings, it's easy.
[07:55] ---
    Really?
[07:58] ---
    I take this and do this.
[08:01] ---
    Now read this.
[08:03] ---
    Um, "Your present is me."
[08:10] ---
    Hayasaka!
[08:14] ---
    "Kaguya and I are already
    on a first-name basis."
[08:16] ---
    "You don't say..."
[08:18] ---
    "TA-DA"
[08:20] ---
    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIROGANE"
[08:22] ---
    What do you think?
    I had it specially made!
[08:26] ---
    I had a feeling President craves cake,
    so there's no doubt he'll love this!
[08:31] ---
    I bought strawberries with an exact
    sugar content of 17 degrees and put them on.
[08:33] ---
    And the sponge cake has a secret, too!
[08:35] ---
    I used the Shinomiya Family chef's pull
    to get top of the line sponge!
[08:37] ---
    How oppressive. How repellent.
    How embarrassing.
[08:40] ---
    Is something wrong, Hayasaka?
[08:42] ---
    No. If this is what you want,
    it's not my place to say.
[08:46] ---
    What? There's no need to be evasive.
[08:50] ---
    You didn't use to be such a fool.
[08:52] ---
    Fool?
[08:54] ---
    Then, I'll see you tomorrow!
[08:55] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO GIVE A GIFT"
[08:56] ---
    See you tomorrow.
[08:57] ---
    Oh, good work today.
[09:02] ---
    President and I are alone.
[09:04] ---
    If I'm going to give him the present,
    it has to be now!
[09:07] ---
    I'm sure it will move him to tears. But...
[09:10] ---
    Fool.
[09:12] ---
    My mind keeps getting snagged
    on that word.
[09:14] ---
    Fool? Me?
[09:16] ---
    Miss Fujiwara's birthday party
    had a cake like this, too, didn't it?
SIGN    "I'M SO HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!!" "THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE?"
[09:21] ---
    Like this.
[09:28] ---
    "SHOCKING"
[09:28] ---
    It's totally different!
[09:30] ---
    This one is obviously bigger!
    What did I do? That's a wedding cake!
[09:34] ---
    "EMBARRASSED!!"
[09:34] ---
    I'm a fool!
[09:36] ---
    In the first place, the idea of just
    the two of us celebrating his birthday...
[09:39] ---
    Now that it's here, I'm embarrassed!
[09:41] ---
    What should I do?
[09:43] ---
    But you want President
    to have cake, don't you?
[09:46] ---
    He's never been able to have it before!
[09:50] ---
    It's not too late to call it off.
    Think about this with a clear head.
[09:54] ---
    Anyone would be happy
    to have their birthday celebrated.
[09:58] ---
    Even if it makes you
    want to crawl in a hole?
[10:00] ---
    Do you feel the need
    to celebrate that badly?
[10:02] ---
    But...
[10:03] ---
    The mixed emotions in Kaguya's mind
    brought her to a standstill.
[10:08] ---
    If that internal chaos was given a form,
    it would look like this!
[10:16] ---
    "THE DEFENDANT KAGUYA SHINOMIYA"
[10:17] ---
    I, Kaguya Shinomiya,
    wanted to celebrate President's birthday,
[10:23] ---
    but now that it's here,
    I've chickened out.
[10:26] ---
    "ATTORNEY FOR THE DEFENSE
    KAGUYA (FOOL)"
[10:26] ---
    You really should celebrate
    President's birthday.
[10:29] ---
    It may be a little embarrassing,
    but not more than you can handle.
[10:32] ---
    "ATTORNEY FOR THE PROSECUTION
    KAGUYA (ICE QUEEN)"
[10:32] ---
    The premise is flawed to begin with.
    Why do I have to celebrate his birthday?
[10:38] ---
    Civil war in the brain!
    Court is in session!
[10:41] ---
    This is absolutely ridiculous.
[10:43] ---
    What was going through your mind
    when you prepared this cake?
[10:47] ---
    Good question.
[10:49] ---
    But it's his birthday, so it's only natural
    to want him to have a yummy cake!
[10:54] ---
    You've got a point there, too.
[10:57] ---
    That's the point that makes no sense.
[10:59] ---
    Have you forgotten our objective here?
[11:01] ---
    Objective?
[11:01] ---
    Objective?
[11:03] ---
    To make Miyuki Shirogane
    confess his love to us.
[11:05] ---
    To make him surrender
    from the bottom of his soul.
[11:08] ---
    Yes! That's right!
[11:10] ---
    That's what I've worked so hard for!
[11:12] ---
    Why am I trying to please
    President right now?
[11:15] ---
    You already know
    the answer to that, don't you?
[11:19] ---
    You're in love, aren't you?
[11:20] ---
    With President.
[11:21] ---
    No!
[11:23] ---
    It's nothing like that!
[11:25] ---
    This cake is all part of the plan
    to get him to confess his love to me!
[11:29] ---
    But that's not all, right?
[11:31] ---
    You want to see a pleased expression
    on his face, don't you?
[11:34] ---
    His smile would make you
    feel warm deep inside.
[11:39] ---
    I know that because I am you.
[11:44] ---
    Can't we just admit
    that much to ourselves?
[11:47] ---
    But... But--
[11:48] ---
    Stop right there.
[11:51] ---
    We belong to the honorable,
    distinguished Shinomiya Family.
[11:54] ---
    We must never be ensnared by
    nor devoted to some outsider.
[11:58] ---
    Certainly, Miyuki Shirogane is top caliber,
[12:01] ---
    and I admit an instinctive
    attraction to his looks.
[12:05] ---
    Don't admit that!
[12:06] ---
    However, that is no more
    than ephemeral infatuation.
[12:09] ---
    Once we enter society
    and meet more people,
[12:12] ---
    I'm sure we'll come across a man who can
    contribute more to the Shinomiya Family.
[12:15] ---
    Am I wrong?
[12:17] ---
    You're right.
    This is just trivial amusement.
[12:19] ---
    It's not true love!
[12:21] ---
    Even if President did confess his love,
[12:24] ---
    it's not like I would date him!
[12:27] ---
    There is no one!
[12:28] ---
    There's no one in the world
    who is cooler than President!
[12:38] ---
    I want to go out on a date with him!
    I even want to kiss him!
[12:41] ---
    And then...
[12:45] ---
    Is it really that wrong?
[12:48] ---
    Do you even understand
    what you're saying?
[12:51] ---
    Do you truly believe
    Father would allow such a thing?
[12:53] ---
    I have a plan! I obviously
    wouldn't defy him without one!
[12:56] ---
    I'm saying it's unnecessary
    to bear such a risk!
[12:59] ---
    It's for the sake of happiness!
    That's worth the risk!
[13:01] ---
    You're playing with fire,
    so the best thing you can do is extinguish it!
[13:07] ---
    You're all overthinking this.
[13:09] ---
    Judge!
[13:09] ---
    "JUDGE KAGUYA (CHILD)"
[13:10] ---
    This trial is about whether President's
    birthday should be celebrated or not, right?
[13:15] ---
    Judge, what should I do?
[13:19] ---
    How about compromising
    by saying to him, "I'm your present"?
[13:22] ---
    Your verdict is crazy!
[13:24] ---
    What do you expect?
    I'm a kid, so this is all over my head,
[13:28] ---
    and it's not for me to decide anyway.
[13:30] ---
    What? If you're not going to decide,
    Judge, who will?
[13:34] ---
    You.
[13:36] ---
    We are you after all.
    So, it's for you to decide.
[13:43] ---
    So,
[13:45] ---
    what do you want us to do?
[13:53] ---
    Shinomiya, why did you turn off the light?
[13:55] ---
    President...
[13:57] ---
    Would you close your eyes?
[14:01] ---
    This is embarrassing,
    so please keep them closed.
[14:04] ---
    O-Okay.
[14:08] ---
    "RUSTLE RUSTLE..."
[14:11] ---
    The sound of clothes rustling?
[14:13] ---
    "STROKE..."
[14:15] ---
    What? What is Shinomiya doing?
[14:16] ---
    "CLICK"
[14:18] ---
    You can open them.
[14:26] ---
    Happy Birthday, President.
[14:32] ---
    And this is your birthday present.
[14:38] ---
    A fan...
[14:40] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[14:40] ---
    I think it's a little off season, but you seemed
    hot wearing the jacket even in the summer, so...
[14:46] ---
    I did the calligraphy.
[14:49] ---
    Thank you.
[14:50] ---
    Well, I'm going home, too.
[14:53] ---
    Also...
[14:54] ---
    "SEALED"
[14:54] ---
    Whatever you do,
    please don't open that closet.
[14:59] ---
    Okay.
[15:00] ---
    See you.
[15:08] ---
    I'm thrilled!
[15:13] ---
    What is this?
[15:14] ---
    What is this feeling?
[15:22] ---
    Good job.
[15:25] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[15:25] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:27] ---
    "THE KAGUYAS WIN"
[15:27] ---
    The Kaguyas win.
SIGN    "ORIGIN: Studying so constantly that a hole is worn through one's metal inkstone."
[15:30] ---
    So cool! Nice!
[15:32] ---
    Happy birthday, Shirogane!
SIGN    "I wonder how many calories this whole thing is..." "They ate the delicious cake afterwards (Especially Hayasaka)"
[15:35] ---
    To celebrate...
[15:36] ---
    A double eyecatch!
[15:40] ---
    "Unyielding diligence in one's studies."
[15:42] ---
    Studying so constantly that a hole is worn
    through one's metal inkstone.
[15:45] ---
    A proverb derived from the story
    of how Sang Weihan passed the imperial exam.
[15:49] ---
    It's a good expression.
[15:51] ---
    Shinomiya did the calligraphy herself.
[15:53] ---
    In other words, Shinomiya thinks
    this expression suits me.
[15:58] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[16:02] ---
    "CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO CONFIRM IT"
[16:02] ---
    Hello!
[16:03] ---
    Hello.
[16:05] ---
    H-Hi!
[16:06] ---
    But I have one big question.
[16:10] ---
    The question is, why did Shinomiya alone
    celebrate my birthday that day?
[16:16] ---
    After all, when a woman celebrates
    a man's birthday alone,
[16:16] ---
    Kaguya, look at this! I put my ribbon
    in a different position today!
[16:20] ---
    it has a certain meaning, doesn't it?
[16:22] ---
    She'd certainly be aware
    of how it looked,
[16:23] ---
    "UM..."
[16:24] ---
    but still endured the embarrassment
    in order to celebrate it?
[16:27] ---
    Correct.
[16:28] ---
    But that's too good to be true.
[16:31] ---
    And yet it is.
[16:33] ---
    And this fan could become a weapon
    to force Shinomiya to confess her love.
[16:38] ---
    For example...
[16:40] ---
    Where did you get that?
[16:42] ---
    Oh, yesterday was my birthday.
    Shinomiya gave it to me as a present.
[16:47] ---
    Yesterday was your birthday?
[16:49] ---
    Kaguya, why didn't you tell me?
[16:52] ---
    Getting the jump on me! Keeping
    President's precious time all to yourself!
[16:57] ---
    Don't tell me you're in love with President.
[17:06] ---
    Love?
[17:07] ---
    You fell in love with him, huh?
[17:09] ---
    Fait accompli!
[17:11] ---
    When it comes to a burgeoning
    romantic relationship,
[17:11] ---
    Confess! Confess! Confess!
[17:12] ---
    pressure from outside
    is one of the most basic strategies.
[17:15] ---
    If the people around her
    accept it as reality,
[17:16] ---
    she will be driven
    to accept it, as well.
[17:20] ---
    But Shinomiya gave this
    to me as a present.
[17:24] ---
    Should I exploit Shinomiya's
    good intentions to back her into a corner?
[17:28] ---
    No, that's not the way I do things.
[17:33] ---
    Besides, with this birthday present,
[17:35] ---
    I've reached the level
    where she's giving me things!
[17:37] ---
    It's only a matter of time
    before she confesses her love to me.
[17:40] ---
    I won't tell them
    that she gave me a present.
[17:42] ---
    That's the best move for now.
[17:44] ---
    President, is that...
[17:45] ---
    Oh, this was a present from a friend.
[17:48] ---
    A friend...
[17:52] ---
    A friend...
[17:53] ---
    I see.
[17:56] ---
    What?
[17:57] ---
    Something's off.
[17:59] ---
    Maybe...
[18:01] ---
    Tell me, President...
[18:04] ---
    Are you in love with Kaguya?
[18:10] ---
    Wh-What kind of stupid question is that?
[18:12] ---
    It only makes sense!
[18:13] ---
    You didn't tell me about your birthday!
[18:16] ---
    Doesn't that show
    you only wanted Kaguya to celebrate it?
[18:20] ---
    It only stands to reason, President!
    Hey, look at me!
[18:22] ---
    Shinomiya, you set me up!
[18:25] ---
    But of course.
[18:26] ---
    Yes! The preparation was done before Kaguya
    and Fujiwara entered the student council room.
[18:28] ---
    "TRUDGE TRUDGE"
[18:31] ---
    Yesterday was President's birthday?
[18:34] ---
    Oh, you didn't know?
[18:36] ---
    I didn't hear about it!
[18:37] ---
    That's strange.
[18:39] ---
    He told me when his birthday was,
    but he didn't tell anyone else?
[18:45] ---
    I have no idea why he would do that.
[18:47] ---
    What was President thinking?
[18:50] ---
    "BLUSH"
[18:50] ---
    Th-Then...
[18:52] ---
    You only wanted Kaguya to celebrate it!
[18:54] ---
    Isn't that why you didn't tell me
    about your birthday?
[18:57] ---
    Why were you hiding the fact
    that Kaguya gave you the fan?
[19:00] ---
    It's because you wanted to keep it
    all secret, from head to tail, huh?
[19:02] ---
    I wanted to celebrate your birthday, too!
[19:05] ---
    This is bad!
[19:07] ---
    Fait accompli!
[19:08] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[19:08] ---
    The fact that it was partially true
    made things even worse!
[19:12] ---
    I didn't go far enough!
[19:15] ---
    Kindness is forbidden in war!
[19:17] ---
    Even when hunting a rabbit,
    the lion pulls out all the stops.
[19:20] ---
    If that's the way you want to do it,
[19:21] ---
    two can play at that game!
[19:24] ---
    I only told Shinomiya about my birthday?
[19:28] ---
    Don't be silly.
[19:31] ---
    A year ago,
[19:32] ---
    Shinomiya found out my birthday
    by looking at the student council roster.
[19:35] ---
    It's not like I volunteered the information.
[19:39] ---
    If anything,
[19:40] ---
    Shinomiya is the one who didn't tell anyone
    else about my birthday for a whole year!
[19:44] ---
    T-True.
[19:45] ---
    I wonder why that would be!
[19:48] ---
    Shinomiya also does things
    that are unnatural, huh?
[19:52] ---
    In short, Kaguya is the one who wanted
    to celebrate your birthday alone?
[20:00] ---
    How do you like that, Shinomiya?
[20:03] ---
    It seems President has forgotten...
[20:06] ---
    ...what he was doing
    while we were checking our fortunes.
[20:12] ---
    Everyone who was in here then could tell
    he didn't want to say his birthday.
[20:16] ---
    If I attack him on that...
[20:16] ---
    President is using the fan!
[20:16] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:18] ---
    ...and bringing up that episode
    from a year ago...
[20:22] ---
    Just remembering something like that
    from so long ago
[20:23] ---
    He's really using it!
    That makes me so happy!
[20:24] ---
    makes his affection for me plain to see!
[20:25] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:27] ---
    Kaguya is distracted
    by the fan that she gave him!
[20:31] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:31] ---
    Um, what was I saying?
[20:33] ---
    "President, thank you for using the fan"?
[20:35] ---
    No, that definitely wasn't it!
[20:37] ---
    Um, uh...
[20:37] ---
    What's this?
    Shinomiya is suddenly squirming.
[20:41] ---
    "SMIRK"
[20:41] ---
    But this is my chance!
[20:43] ---
    This is where I bring her down!
[20:45] ---
    As the sun set, the lit candles on the cake
    that Shinomiya prepared for me
[20:48] ---
    twinkled beautifully in the quiet
    and dark student council room.
[20:54] ---
    I was astonished by the amount of effort
    she put into that surprise.
[20:57] ---
    "SMACK"
[20:58] ---
    Kaguya, i-is that true?
[21:00] ---
    He whapped his cheek with it.
[21:02] ---
    Kaguya!
[21:04] ---
    What should I do? At this rate...
[21:05] ---
    Hey.
[21:07] ---
    Ishigami, listen to this!
[21:10] ---
    Yesterday was President's birthday!
[21:12] ---
    Yes, it was.
[21:15] ---
    Huh?
[21:15] ---
    President...
[21:16] ---
    "ABOUT THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION"
[21:17] ---
    I see you're using the fountain pen
    I gave you yesterday.
[21:22] ---
    Oh, this.
[21:24] ---
    Ishigami, you knew it was President's birthday?
[21:27] ---
    Well, sure.
[21:29] ---
    It's only natural to know the birthday of
    someone who's always helping you out.
[21:35] ---
    That's right.
[21:36] ---
    So, to say I got the jump on you
    and then draw some weird conclusion...
[21:41] ---
    It's like you're trying to stir up trouble.
[21:45] ---
    Fujiwara, you didn't know
    it was President's birthday?
[21:48] ---
    You're the only one who didn't know?
[21:50] ---
    You're the only one?
[21:52] ---
    Only you, Fujiwara?
[21:55] ---
    I apologize for jumping
    to the wrong conclusion!
[21:59] ---
    She slipped out of my grasp.
[22:01] ---
    You can run, but it won't erase the truth
    that you forgot President's birthday!
[22:08] ---
    Ishigami, that was great.
[22:11] ---
    Thank you.
[22:13] ---
    That was a great help!
[22:16] ---
    I'll pay you back one of these days.
[22:18] ---
    What? Did I do something
    to incur a grudge?
[22:21] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:21] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[22:23] ---
    Fujiwara loses.
[22:23] ---
    "FUJIWARA LOSES"
SIGN    "Huh? This? It was a birthday present from Shinomiya."
SIGN    "Huh..."

Season 2 - Love is War?

E3 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Gaze at the Moon

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    There's a full moon tonight!
    Let's have a moon-viewing party!
[01:33] ---
    You sure are excited.
    What are you suddenly going on about?
[01:34] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO GAZE AT THE MOON"
[01:37] ---
    That's what I always want
    to ask you, but whatever.
[01:41] ---
    It's the harvest moon tonight!
[01:41] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[01:43] ---
    If you don't look up at the sky on a night
    like that, it's the loss of a lifetime!
[01:47] ---
    I've already prepared everything.
    I even got permission to use the roof.
[01:50] ---
    So, call your parents and tell them
    you're going to be late.
[01:54] ---
    But isn't this too sudden?
[01:56] ---
    No, I heard tonight will be ideal
    for stargazing!
[01:59] ---
    With a full moon and that forecast,
    we've just got do it!
[02:02] ---
    Moon-viewing!
[02:04] ---
    Shirogane has such unbridled love
    for celestial bodies
[02:06] ---
    that he dreams of becoming an astronomer.
[02:09] ---
    On the one night of the year
    in which the moon was at its most beautiful,
[02:10] ---
    On the sacred night of the full moon, give me power! Rabbit, rabbit, boing-boing!
[02:14] ---
    he couldn't contain his excitement!
[02:16] ---
    Oh, why not?
[02:18] ---
    I'm in.
[02:20] ---
    This student council
    will be disbanded soon.
[02:23] ---
    This may be our last chance
    to throw caution to the wind.
[02:35] ---
    You really can see it clearly!
[02:37] ---
    Told you.
[02:38] ---
    The moon is southeast,
    facing Tokyo Bay,
[02:41] ---
    so there's relatively
    little light pollution from the city.
[02:43] ---
    And this location isn't bad.
[02:45] ---
    What's so enjoyable
    about looking at the moon?
[02:48] ---
    I can't comprehend it.
[02:51] ---
    However, being on the roof at night...
[02:54] ---
    There's a certain mood
    in a situation like this.
[02:57] ---
    If I play my cards right,
    I'll be able to force President's hand.
[03:00] ---
    But I could do without the third wheels.
[03:00] ---
    Rice cakes, rice cakes, rice cakes,
    for cripes' sakes, rice cakes!
[03:04] ---
    It's cold.
[03:05] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    are you going to boil the rice cakes?
[03:08] ---
    Yes! I prefer dumplings over flowers,
    and rice cakes over the moon!
[03:12] ---
    It's windy over here, though.
[03:14] ---
    Why don't we do it here?
[03:16] ---
    Good thinking!
[03:19] ---
    I want to warm up by the flames.
[03:23] ---
    That was too easy.
[03:25] ---
    I didn't have any trouble at all
    getting rid of them.
[03:28] ---
    Where are the other two?
[03:30] ---
    They're boiling rice cakes over there.
[03:31] ---
    "PUFFY RICE CAKE"
[03:33] ---
    I see.
[03:34] ---
    Now, how shall I go on the attack?
[03:37] ---
    Ah, yes. How about like this?
[03:40] ---
    Achoo!
[03:41] ---
    President, it's kind of chilly tonight, huh?
[03:44] ---
    This plan was so sudden
    that I didn't have time to get a jacket.
[03:48] ---
    I'll probably catch a cold
    at this rate.
[03:51] ---
    Then, how about using my jacket?
[03:54] ---
    That's it!
[03:55] ---
    I'm going to savor the sight
    of President squirming.
[04:00] ---
    President, it's kind of...
[04:05] ---
    I bet you're cold.
[04:11] ---
    Go ahead and use my jacket if you don't mind.
[04:15] ---
    H-Huh?
[04:18] ---
    Huh? What?
[04:19] ---
    I didn't even say anything yet,
    but I've already got his jacket?
[04:23] ---
    My whole plan fell apart!
[04:26] ---
    I also brought some hot tea.
[04:30] ---
    Th-Thank yo--
[04:34] ---
    Th-This is it!
[04:36] ---
    It looks like there are no other cups.
[04:39] ---
    So, when I give this back to him,
[04:39] ---
    "SQUIRM SQUIRM"
[04:40] ---
    I'll be able to see President squirm
    over the prospect of an indirect kiss!
[04:43] ---
    You have some, too, President.
[04:45] ---
    Sure.
[04:46] ---
    Let's see now! There's no way
    he won't get flustered over this!
[04:49] ---
    "GULP"
[04:50] ---
    Huh?
[04:52] ---
    What are you doing?
[04:54] ---
    I had my mouth there!
[04:56] ---
    How can you take a secondhand kiss
    without even batting an eye?
[05:01] ---
    Maybe he's so moony over the moon
    that I'm not even in his orbit?
[05:06] ---
    Exactly! Shirogane is totally
    absorbed in the moon!
[05:10] ---
    His mind has reverted to a state of childlike
    innocence without any prurient thoughts.
[05:13] ---
    His warped pride and sense of shame
    are gone by the wayside
[05:15] ---
    while his heart is devoted to the moon!
[05:17] ---
    H-He's more infatuated
    by the moon than me?
[05:21] ---
    This is ridiculous!
[05:22] ---
    I'm going to make you notice me
    by any means necessary!
[05:25] ---
    They say nothing pleases a man more than
    when a woman shows interest in his interests.
[05:29] ---
    In that case...
[05:30] ---
    President, where is
    the Great Square of Pegasus?
[05:34] ---
    Oh, um, okay.
[05:40] ---
    Pretend to be interested,
    then just smile and nod.
[05:40] ---
    So, the Great Square of Pegasus,
    you see, blah-blah-blah...
[05:43] ---
    President, you're so knowledgeable!
    Amazing!
[05:46] ---
    Then, I'll naturally lean into him,
    and he'll squirm like a worm!
[05:47] ---
    And that...
[05:48] ---
    Yes?
[05:49] ---
    Homina homina homina!
[05:52] ---
    President, where's the Great Square of Pegasus?
[05:56] ---
    Are you interested?
[05:57] ---
    Yes! Very much so!
[05:59] ---
    Then, slide over here.
[06:02] ---
    Listen. Follow a straight line from my thumb
    and index finger.
[06:03] ---
    H-Huh?
[06:06] ---
    There's a bright star.
    That's Alpheratz.
[06:11] ---
    The Great Square of Pegasus
    can be seen in the fall,
[06:14] ---
    but ironically,
    its brightest star is Andromeda.
[06:17] ---
    There are three more bright stars in that area.
[06:19] ---
    If you connect them all,
    it becomes a square.
[06:23] ---
    Did you see it?
[06:24] ---
    No. The moon is a little too bright.
[06:28] ---
    Then, how about over here?
[06:30] ---
    Huh?
[06:31] ---
    If you lie down and look straight up,
    you can see the Summer Triangle.
[06:35] ---
    Even though it's fall,
    it's easy to see the Summer Triangle.
[06:38] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[06:39] ---
    Do you know about the temporal axis lag?
[06:41] ---
    Because of the effect of precessional movement,
[06:43] ---
    the North Star actually changes over time.
[06:43] ---
    Wh-What is this?
[06:44] ---
    2,000 years from now, it'll be Gamma Cephei.
[06:45] ---
    What's with him?
[06:46] ---
    In 4,000 years, it'll be Beta Cephei.
[06:47] ---
    Isn't this out of line?
[06:47] ---
    And in 10,000 years,
    the role will be filled by Vega.
[06:51] ---
    In other words, our story of Orihime
    is derived from the Chinese folk tale
[06:54] ---
    called "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl."
[06:55] ---
    So, 10,000 years from now,
    Hikoboshi will revolve around Orihime.
[06:57] ---
    But when he talks to me with
    his eyes glittering like that,
[06:59] ---
    I guess no matter how many years pass,
[07:00] ---
    I can't see anything!
[07:00] ---
    it will always be a man's fate
    to revolve around a woman.
[07:03] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[07:05] ---
    I-I get it, so...
[07:08] ---
    Oh?
[07:11] ---
    The moon reminds me
    of "Princess Kaguya."
[07:14] ---
    You have the same name.
    Maybe you have a special fondness for it, too.
[07:22] ---
    Of course.
[07:24] ---
    When I look up at the night sky, I can't help
    but think of the story about the woman
[07:28] ---
    who was forced to return home to the moon,
    abandoning the one she loved.
[07:33] ---
    That's why I hate the moon.
[07:41] ---
    Makes sense.
[07:43] ---
    When Princess Kaguya
    had to go back to the moon,
[07:46] ---
    she left behind an elixir of immortality
    for the man she loved.
[07:48] ---
    But the man had no intention
    of living forever in a world without her,
[07:52] ---
    so the story ends with him burning the elixir.
[07:57] ---
    Still, if you think about it,
[07:59] ---
    Princess Kaguya did everything she could
    to reject her suitors.
[08:03] ---
    Do you think a woman like that would give
    an immortality potion to the one she loved?
[08:09] ---
    I always think...
[08:13] ---
    ...that elixir was Princess Kaguya's message,
    telling him, "I'll come back for you some day."
[08:20] ---
    Even if it would've taken more time
    than a human lifespan...
[08:24] ---
    Even if the distance
    between them was hopeless...
[08:28] ---
    I think she gave him the elixir of immortality,
    imbuing it with the meaning,
[08:31] ---
    "I'll wait for you forever."
[08:34] ---
    But the man didn't pick up
    on her message,
[08:37] ---
    so he said something moving
    and had the elixir burned.
[08:41] ---
    It's a cruel story.
[08:45] ---
    If it had been me,
    I never would've let Kaguya go.
[08:52] ---
    I would've gone to the moon
    and stolen her back.
[08:56] ---
    No question.
[08:57] ---
    Even if it would've taken decades.
    Even centuries.
[09:01] ---
    Enough!
[09:03] ---
    If it had been our story,
[09:06] ---
    I would've read the meaning
    between the lines,
[09:08] ---
    and it would've had a very different ending.
[09:10] ---
    I can't...
[09:14] ---
    I can't take it!
[09:21] ---
    I told you that's enough!
    It's embarrassing!
[09:25] ---
    First the fireworks display and now this!
[09:27] ---
    I-I'm surprised you can talk
    like that with a straight face!
[09:30] ---
    Are you trying to kill me?
[09:32] ---
    Wh-What?
[09:34] ---
    You're not making sense, Shinomiya!
    - What are you trying to say?
[09:35] ---
    The sweet red bean soup is ready.
[09:37] ---
    I don't want to say anything!
[09:38] ---
    Oh, forget it!
[09:40] ---
    I can't take it anymore!
[09:41] ---
    Hey!
[09:42] ---
    Kaguya?
[09:55] ---
    How could I have said
    such embarrassing things?
[10:03] ---
    Today's battle result...
[10:04] ---
    "SHIROGANE LOSES
    (ONE MORE THING HE WANTS TO FORGET)"
[10:05] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[10:07] ---
    Sweet dumplings, sweet dumplings,
    make me so happy!
[10:10] ---
    "RICE CAKE AND VEGETABLE SOUP"
[10:13] ---
    Well, let's each choose what to keep,
    whatever you can carry home.
[10:17] ---
    Understood.
[10:18] ---
    Okay!
[10:19] ---
    Roger that.
[10:24] ---
    "THE 67th STUDENT COUNCIL"
[10:25] ---
    The year was over before I knew it!
[10:29] ---
    Maybe it feels especially like that for me,
[10:31] ---
    since I've only really been here
    for half a year.
[10:33] ---
    Yes.
[10:35] ---
    This year flew by in the blink of an eye.
[10:41] ---
    This sign brings back memories!
[10:43] ---
    It's from our welcome party
    for the French students.
[10:46] ---
    Yeah.
[10:47] ---
    "PERFECT ISOLATION"
[10:47] ---
    Yeah, the principal
    suddenly sprung that on us.
[10:50] ---
    I think that was our busiest time.
[10:52] ---
    True.
[10:54] ---
    They may be able to use this again,
[10:56] ---
    so I guess I'll leave it here.
[10:57] ---
    Good idea.
[10:59] ---
    I have to take my games home, too, huh?
[11:03] ---
    Those cards...
[11:08] ---
    You were always in the mood
    to play games, Miss Fujiwara.
[11:12] ---
    That and telling fortunes.
[11:15] ---
    "LIKE"
[11:16] ---
    We did this, too!
[11:19] ---
    What's that from again?
[11:20] ---
    You don't remember? Jeez...
[11:23] ---
    Say "Ho!"
[11:25] ---
    Now I remember!
[11:27] ---
    Where you couldn't say
    a certain word!
[11:29] ---
    Yes! The forbidden word game!
[11:32] ---
    I must've missed that.
[11:35] ---
    We did this, too!
[11:37] ---
    "MEOW"
[11:39] ---
    That really doesn't suit you.
[11:43] ---
    "MIRACULOUS COMPATIBILITY (MARRIAGE)"
[11:43] ---
    A marriage.
[11:45] ---
    Don't suddenly do a cute ambush on me!
    I thought I was going to have a heart attack!
[11:50] ---
    Jeez. Quit slowing me down
    when I'm trying to clean up here.
[11:53] ---
    Sorry!
[11:55] ---
    I wasn't here for that, either.
[11:58] ---
    Um, then there was this.
[12:00] ---
    I know that one!
[12:02] ---
    You hit me with that when I said
    your boobs were in the way!
[12:06] ---
    "WHAP WHAP"
[12:07] ---
    Yes!
[12:08] ---
    Like this!
[12:10] ---
    You've gotten stronger, Ishigami.
[12:12] ---
    You're the only one
    who can antagonize Fujiwara.
[12:15] ---
    I see.
[12:17] ---
    People change and grow.
[12:19] ---
    Is this growth?
[12:23] ---
    "TRUE ROMANCE LOVE REFRAIN"
[12:23] ---
    You've grown, too, Shinomiya.
[12:25] ---
    Before, you thought someone's
    "first time" referred to a kiss.
[12:28] ---
    Go ahead, make fun of me.
    That was a long time ago.
[12:34] ---
    That didn't get under her skin?
SIGN    "TOTTORI TORINOSUKE THE MOVIE MR. BIRDSON OF BIRDVILLE"
[12:44] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[12:46] ---
    You really had us like puppets on strings.
[12:54] ---
    Here at the student council...
[12:57] ---
    ...so many things happened.
[13:00] ---
    I feel so nostalgic!
[13:01] ---
    "LUCKY" "GOAL" "MISFORTUNE"
[13:04] ---
    That's too recent for you
    to get nostalgic over.
[13:18] ---
    It's over?
[13:26] ---
    I guess that's it.
[13:28] ---
    Did we look everywhere?
[13:31] ---
    There's one place we didn't check.
[13:33] ---
    Um...
[13:34] ---
    Here.
[13:36] ---
    It was in here?
[13:38] ---
    You never noticed?
[13:40] ---
    No! I had no idea!
[13:43] ---
    Apparently, this room was their base
    during the student movement.
[13:46] ---
    I suppose they built
    this secret room then.
[13:50] ---
    Startling secrets to the very end.
[13:58] ---
    Well, this time for sure,
    we haven't forgotten anything, right?
[14:03] ---
    Wanna celebrate at a family restaurant?
[14:06] ---
    Not a bad idea.
[14:31] ---
    Don't...
[14:36] ---
    That's not fair.
[14:42] ---
    Well done, everyone.
[14:45] ---
    Thank you for everything!
[15:03] ---
    The activities of the 67th student council...
[15:06] ---
    ...have come to a close.
[15:30] ---
    "ALUMNI ASSOCIATION CEREMONIAL CORD"
[15:35] ---
    You all did a great job
    this past year.
[15:40] ---
    Cheers!
[15:42] ---
    Now I can finally take off
    this sweltering jacket.
[15:46] ---
    Although it's almost time
    to switch to our winter uniforms...
[15:46] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T WANT TO SAY IT"
[15:48] ---
    That's right!
[15:50] ---
    That's a weight off my shoulders!
    This braided cord is heavy.
[15:53] ---
    Well, it is made of gold.
[15:57] ---
    Now, we just have to pray
    that our successors can fill our shoes.
[16:02] ---
    After they saw
    how you worked yourself to death,
[16:04] ---
    I don't think anyone wants
    your position, President.
[16:08] ---
    Well, at least think about it.
[16:10] ---
    It's tough being on the student council,
    but there are commensurate merits.
[16:14] ---
    Student council privileges!
[16:16] ---
    Shuchiin Academy's committee members
    and student council members
[16:19] ---
    are given privileges such as admittance
    to Shuchiin University,
[16:21] ---
    grant for qualifications and the like.
[16:25] ---
    But only the president of the student council
    is given the letter of recommendation
[16:28] ---
    from Shuchiin Academy's board of trustees,
[16:28] ---
    "LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION"
[16:30] ---
    which is a premium ticket to universities
    and research institutes around the world.
[16:34] ---
    With this recommendation,
[16:35] ---
    a student would be one step closer
    to making their dream come true.
[16:39] ---
    How about you, Ishigami?
[16:41] ---
    Are you going to throw
    your hat in the ring?
[16:43] ---
    Do you really think
    I would get any votes?
[16:46] ---
    Girls in my class start to cry
[16:48] ---
    if I even make eye contact with them.
[16:51] ---
    I can't even count
    how many girls I've made cry.
[16:53] ---
    And making girls cry makes me cry, too.
[16:57] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[16:58] ---
    Sorry.
[16:59] ---
    Well, maybe...
[17:01] ---
    If I became the student council president...
[17:06] ---
    "HAHAHA" "CLAP CLAP"
[17:08] ---
    Cut it out.
[17:08] ---
    I'm gonna punch you in the face.
[17:11] ---
    So, President...
[17:12] ---
    Knock it off, Shinomiya.
    I'm not the president anymore.
[17:15] ---
    O-Oh, right.
[17:18] ---
    Huh? If President isn't the president,
    what should I call him?
[17:23] ---
    Mr. Shirogane?
[17:25] ---
    Just Shirogane?
[17:27] ---
    Or...
[17:29] ---
    Mi...
[17:30] ---
    Miyuki...
[17:35] ---
    As if...
[17:36] ---
    I could never do anything as embarrassing
    as calling him by his given name!
[17:41] ---
    I'm not that kind of frivolous girl!
[17:44] ---
    Want a refill, Miyuki?
[17:47] ---
    You had coffee, right, Miyuki?
[17:50] ---
    Miyuki, did you want hot coffee? Or iced?
[17:54] ---
    Iced, please.
[17:55] ---
    Okay! Miyuki wants ice!
[17:58] ---
    "SIMPLE"
[17:59] ---
    "SIMPLE" "SHALLOW!!"
[17:59] ---
    Frivolous! Are all young people
    like that these days?
[18:01] ---
    I'll have the same as Myu.
[18:04] ---
    "Myu"?
[18:05] ---
    Why "Myu"?
[18:05] ---
    How about if I call you "Yucchin"?
[18:08] ---
    Gimme a break.
[18:08] ---
    Oh, is it from "Miyuki"
    to "Miyu" to "Myu"? That's cute!
[18:09] ---
    I think maybe I'll go with that.
[18:10] ---
    No, no, no.
[18:13] ---
    I see. A nickname...
[18:15] ---
    Calling him by his given name
    would make me sound like a wanton hussy,
[18:17] ---
    Simpler! Simpler!
[18:19] ---
    but if it's a nickname,
    that's no problem!
[18:22] ---
    Hello, Mr. Myu.
[18:24] ---
    There's no need for the "Mr."
[18:25] ---
    This variation doesn't make me
    feel embarrassed at all!
[18:25] ---
    "TOTALLY FINE!!"
[18:28] ---
    I'm going to use it.
[18:29] ---
    I'm going to get another drink, too.
[18:33] ---
    You like iced coffee, right?
[18:37] ---
    M...
[18:40] ---
    President...
[18:41] ---
    Like he said,
    he's not the president anymore.
[18:45] ---
    She couldn't bring herself to say it.
[18:49] ---
    Disbanding, huh?
[18:51] ---
    If Miyuki would just continue
    as the president for one more year,
[18:54] ---
    everything would work out.
[18:56] ---
    No way.
[18:58] ---
    Being the student council president
    for our school is exhausting work.
[19:01] ---
    It's crazy how President could juggle
    his duties, his studies and a job.
[19:06] ---
    He already has the letter of recommendation
    from the board of trustees,
[19:09] ---
    so there would be no advantage for him
    to be the president for another year.
[19:13] ---
    We can't be selfish.
[19:15] ---
    "ICED COFFEE"
[19:17] ---
    That's right.
[19:19] ---
    Asking him would just be selfish.
[19:31] ---
    We're in different classes,
[19:32] ---
    so without the student council,
    there goes our connection.
[19:36] ---
    After this, I'm sure
    we won't see each other very often.
[19:42] ---
    That's right! I could become
    the student council president,
[19:46] ---
    and President could become
    the vice president!
[19:48] ---
    Ishigami could stay as the treasurer,
[19:51] ---
    and Kashiwagi as the secretary!
[19:55] ---
    Wouldn't that be
    the perfect team?
[20:00] ---
    Just kidding.
[20:03] ---
    Well, see you tomorrow!
[20:10] ---
    Shall we go?
[20:15] ---
    Even if President became the vice president,
    I'm sure he would work too hard.
[20:22] ---
    The name would change,
    but nothing else would.
[20:26] ---
    The best thing for President to do
    is concentrate on his studies.
[20:31] ---
    Our days together are over.
[20:33] ---
    I should think of them
    as a dream that I had every day.
[20:44] ---
    I can't be selfish.
[20:44] ---
    "SHINOMIYA"
[20:47] ---
    Well, see you.
[20:51] ---
    You did a great job, Shirogane.
[20:54] ---
    Thanks. You, too, Shinomiya.
[20:58] ---
    Calling him that...
[21:00] ---
    It just doesn't feel right
    coming out of my mouth!
[21:06] ---
    Can I be...
[21:08] ---
    selfish?
[21:11] ---
    I'll never ask you for anything again!
[21:14] ---
    I...
[21:16] ---
    ...want you to keep being
    the president, President!
[21:22] ---
    In other words,
[21:24] ---
    you want me to be the president
    for one more year, Shinomiya?
[21:36] ---
    Shinomiya, what do you think this is?
[21:39] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION APPLICATION"
[21:40] ---
    "CLASS: 2-B
    NAME: MIYUKI SHIROGANE"
[21:44] ---
    I see, I see!
[21:45] ---
    That's what you were thinking,
    huh, Shinomiya?
[21:47] ---
    President, did you keep quiet about this
    to make me bring it up?
[21:53] ---
    That's one possibility.
[21:55] ---
    H-He got me!
[21:58] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[21:59] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:01] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[22:01] ---
    "SHIROGANE WINS"
[22:02] ---
    "FACULTY ROOM"
[22:03] ---
    "THE NEXT DAY"
[22:05] ---
    Shirogane,
[22:07] ---
    didn't you tell me you weren't going to be
    in the student council anymore?
[22:10] ---
    That was my original intention.
[22:12] ---
    And this... I filled it out
    but didn't intend to turn it in.
[22:16] ---
    Except now.
[22:18] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION APPLICATION"
[22:19] ---
    It seems a once-in-a-lifetime chance
    to show what I'm made of has come to me.
SIGN    "ELECTION NOTICE NOW SEEKING CANDIDATES!!"
[22:27] ---
    To be continued next week!

Season 2 - Love is War?

E4 - Ai Hayasaka Wants Him to Fall for Her

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "REGARDING THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION DATE: OCTOBER 15th" "REGARDING THE DRESS CODE"
[00:03] ---
    The student council has disbanded,
[00:05] ---
    and the campaign season has begun.
[00:08] ---
    After losing their point of contact,
    the student council,
[00:11] ---
    the two haven't said a word to each other!
[00:14] ---
    Three days have passed!
[00:16] ---
    During that time,
    nothing of note has happened.
[00:20] ---
    You should just go up to him.
[00:22] ---
    D-Don't be ridiculous!
[00:25] ---
    I want you to keep being the president,
    President!
[00:28] ---
    If I went up to him,
[00:30] ---
    it'd be like a confession
    that I was lonely without President!
[00:34] ---
    In fact, maybe President is lonely without me.
[00:38] ---
    It's even possible he'll come up to me
    with a confession of love!
[00:40] ---
    Yeah, yeah.
[00:42] ---
    Sick visit, fireworks,
    birthday, moon-viewing party...
[00:44] ---
    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIROGANE"
[00:46] ---
    With all of these events, how could there
    not be any progress whatsoever?
[00:50] ---
    It's so pathetic.
[00:52] ---
    How can you be so bad at this?
[00:54] ---
    What? Are you saying you could
    make President fall for you, Hayasaka?
[00:59] ---
    Probably.
[01:00] ---
    "SNAP"
[01:01] ---
    Is that right? Then try it!
[01:03] ---
    If you say you can easily make any guy
    fall for you, then hook President in one day!
[01:08] ---
    I didn't say "easily."
[01:09] ---
    It's easy for you to say
    when you're standing on the sidelines!
[01:11] ---
    I never said "easily."
[01:13] ---
    But if you actually tried it,
    you'd understand the struggles I go through!
[01:16] ---
    I did not say "easily."
[01:18] ---
    You can say anything with words.
[01:20] ---
    But I wish you wouldn't make
    grandiose claims you can't back up!
[01:25] ---
    If you really want me to do it,
    Lady Kaguya, I will.
[01:29] ---
    If you think you can,
    then give it your best shot.
[03:06] ---
    Thank you.
[03:15] ---
    It is you, Shirogane!
[03:17] ---
    Oh, that's right, you're Shinomiya's maid.
[03:20] ---
    Smithee A. Hayasaca?
[03:23] ---
    Bingo!
[03:24] ---
    "ANTI-SHIROGANE FASHION
    HAYASACA VER. 2"
[03:24] ---
    I'm so happy you remembered!
[03:29] ---
    Well, I didn't recognize you at first...
[03:32] ---
    ...because you seem so different
    from that last time.
[03:33] ---
    "AI HAYASAKA WANTS HIM
    TO FALL FOR HER"
[03:34] ---
    It's my day off!
[03:36] ---
    I get tired having to act
    so formal all the time.
[03:40] ---
    Sure, anyone would.
[03:41] ---
    She's good.
[03:43] ---
    Striking up a conversation
    in the checkout line so he can't get away.
[03:43] ---
    Please go ahead, ma'am.
[03:44] ---
    Thank you.
[03:46] ---
    Certainly, Hayasaka has technique.
[03:49] ---
    But even so, there's no way
    she'll be able to seduce President!
[03:53] ---
    You know, your Japanese
    has gotten a lot better.
[03:55] ---
    I studied like crazy!
[03:57] ---
    And I know how hard you study, Shirogane!
[04:01] ---
    Oh, not that much.
[04:03] ---
    "PC & LIFE"
[04:03] ---
    I'm embarrassed...
[04:04] ---
    about buying a magazine for the masses
    in front of you.
[04:08] ---
    Do you like computers?
[04:10] ---
    Well, I want to get a laptop,
    but I don't know which kind I should buy.
[04:15] ---
    Oh, that's right!
[04:16] ---
    As a boy, you'd probably know
    more about it.
[04:18] ---
    Choose for me, Shirogane!
[04:20] ---
    No, I really don't know much.
[04:22] ---
    You'd still make
    a better selection than me.
[04:25] ---
    This bookstore has a cafeteria,
    so let's sit down and let me pick your brain.
[04:29] ---
    She's really good!
[04:30] ---
    The "Teach me" strategy.
[04:32] ---
    "HEY!!"
[04:32] ---
    Instead of getting angry at a child
    who doesn't clean up,
[04:33] ---
    "HEY!!" "HMPH"
[04:34] ---
    if the parent poses it as a question
    like, "Where do your toys go?",
[04:35] ---
    "TELL MAMA WHERE THE TOYS GO"
[04:37] ---
    "RIGHT HERE"
[04:37] ---
    the child will put them away
    while explaining.
[04:40] ---
    Hayasaka cleverly uses
    the innate human drive to teach.
[04:44] ---
    Well, I suppose I have a few minutes.
[04:46] ---
    Yay!
[04:48] ---
    P-President!
[04:53] ---
    Hayasaca, that uniform...
[04:55] ---
    Yep.
[04:57] ---
    I'm a second-year high school student
    at Firis Girls' High.
[05:00] ---
    An alumni from my school
    introduced me to the Shinomiya Family.
[05:03] ---
    I work there part-time as a maid
    whenever they're short-handed.
[05:07] ---
    That's a part-time job?
[05:08] ---
    Yep.
[05:09] ---
    She has some gall, lying through
    her teeth with a straight face!
[05:13] ---
    You're a normal student at Shuchiin Academy,
    were born and raised in Japan,
[05:18] ---
    and you're a servant to the core who's lived
    with and worked for me since you were little!
[05:21] ---
    President!
    You're sitting next to a big fat liar!
[05:25] ---
    And...
[05:26] ---
    So, I've been using
    my parents' computer all this time,
[05:27] ---
    "LIE"
[05:27] ---
    "LIE"
[05:29] ---
    but I've finally saved up some money
    from working, and now I want my own.
[05:33] ---
    After she piled lie upon lie,
    President will realize it.
[05:34] ---
    "STARE"
[05:35] ---
    "LIE"
[05:37] ---
    He picks up on things like that!
[05:39] ---
    "GRIN"
[05:40] ---
    Instead of relying on her parents,
    she works to buy what she wants.
[05:42] ---
    How admirable!
[05:43] ---
    He hasn't noticed!
[05:45] ---
    So, how will you use the computer?
[05:48] ---
    I'd like to use it
    to put together reports for school.
[05:51] ---
    And I want to see videos!
    Isn't it fun to watch animal videos?
[05:55] ---
    Cunning!
[05:56] ---
    President, you can't fall
    for an obvious trap like that!
[05:59] ---
    That girl watches videos of things
    being crushed in a machine press!
[06:05] ---
    Cats! Nice! I get it!
[06:07] ---
    He fell for it!
[06:11] ---
    Well, you can watch videos
    on most computers these days.
[06:15] ---
    Good! Then I'll decide by the design!
[06:18] ---
    I know very well that you put together
    your own computers!
[06:20] ---
    "HAYASAKA ON HER DAY OFF,
    ASSEMBLING A SMALL COMPUTER"
[06:22] ---
    At any rate, once she picks
    a computer, it's over.
[06:26] ---
    Game over.
[06:29] ---
    In other words, solving it
    with the probability recurrence formula,
[06:32] ---
    which derives case analyses,
    is more efficient in the long run.
[06:35] ---
    When did he start tutoring her?
[06:35] ---
    That makes sense.
    You're great at teaching, Shirogane.
[06:37] ---
    He's never helped me study before!
[06:39] ---
    There's really not much I can teach you.
[06:42] ---
    Isn't Firis a top school, too?
[06:44] ---
    Yeah, but I just don't do well on tests.
[06:49] ---
    Even though I study ten hours a day.
[06:54] ---
    Ten hours?
[06:55] ---
    So, you're walking down a thorny path, too!
[06:57] ---
    Why do you believe everything she says?
[06:59] ---
    But it isn't healthy
    to deprive yourself of sleep...
[07:07] ---
    U-Um...
[07:10] ---
    "ZZZ"
[07:12] ---
    Oh boy.
[07:20] ---
    Huh? I fell asleep?
[07:23] ---
    No way! I was out for three hours!
[07:25] ---
    I tried to wake you up
    several times, but...
[07:27] ---
    Oh my gosh! How embarrassing!
[07:31] ---
    I was watching.
[07:33] ---
    I saw you peek at President through squinty
    eyes plenty of times these past three hours.
[07:38] ---
    You should've just left me here.
[07:41] ---
    No, I couldn't leave
    a defenseless girl alone.
[07:46] ---
    Fatigue from studying is a sign of effort.
[07:49] ---
    Shirogane...
[07:51] ---
    Her face says,
    "This is the moment I fell in love"!
[07:54] ---
    Or "I've never met a man like this before"!
[07:58] ---
    Hayasaka could create
    these facial facsimiles of pure love!
[08:02] ---
    The result!
[08:04] ---
    Say, Shirogane...
[08:06] ---
    Do you want to try going out once?
[08:06] ---
    "ROARRR"
[08:09] ---
    The perfect invitation that's hard to turn down!
[08:13] ---
    Of course, we barely know each other,
[08:16] ---
    so how about something light,
    like 90% friend and 10% girlfriend?
[08:20] ---
    And if there was another girl
    you really liked,
[08:22] ---
    you could be with her
    and still keep me as like a side piece.
[08:26] ---
    Conceptual ambiguity!
[08:28] ---
    Shirogane's judgmental standards
    are thrown a curve by this accommodating girl,
[08:32] ---
    making him wonder
    just what a girlfriend is anyway!
[08:34] ---
    Please, Hayasaka!
[08:36] ---
    I was in the wrong, so call this off!
[08:38] ---
    I'm sorry.
[08:39] ---
    There's someone I like.
[08:46] ---
    Really?
[08:50] ---
    I'll be rooting for you
    on the sidelines.
[08:52] ---
    I hope it works out for you.
[09:00] ---
    Thank goodness!
[09:03] ---
    See? That's what I'm talking about!
    President's a tough nut to crack!
[09:06] ---
    You never had a chance
    with him, Hayasaka!
[09:07] ---
    I never said that.
[09:10] ---
    I never said I could do it in one day!
[09:16] ---
    It would be different if I had a month!
[09:18] ---
    That was so humiliating!
[09:20] ---
    I never wanted to do it in the first place!
[09:23] ---
    But I only did it
    because you told me to, Lady Kaguya!
[09:27] ---
    I'm sorry.
[09:32] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:32] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[09:34] ---
    "HAYASAKA LOSES"
[09:34] ---
    Hayasaka loses.
[09:38] ---
    "HAYASAKA WATCHING A VIDEO
    OF STAMPEDING ELEPHANTS BEFORE BED"
[09:43] ---
    The student council election...
[09:46] ---
    Miyuki, you're an outsider here. An impure.
[09:48] ---
    "IMPURE"
[09:49] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS
    TO BE CONFESSED TO"
[09:49] ---
    Most of the students at Shuchiin Academy
    are pure students
[09:51] ---
    who started here in elementary school.
[09:53] ---
    Right.
[09:54] ---
    "PURE"
[09:56] ---
    I have a feeling some of them aren't too pleased
    with the idea of your re-election as president.
[10:00] ---
    Yeah.
[10:01] ---
    That bloc was a challenge
    in my previous election, too.
[10:05] ---
    So, one major thing you need to do...
[10:07] ---
    ...is assign someone else to be in charge
    of your campaign speeches!
[10:11] ---
    "MM-HMM"
[10:13] ---
    Fortunately, someone with enough popularity
    and charisma to sway the pure students...
[10:13] ---
    "PURE"
[10:17] ---
    ...is in the vicinity!
[10:22] ---
    And by that, of course, I mean m--
[10:24] ---
    I guess Shinomiya's the only one for the job.
[10:28] ---
    I'm not voting for you anymore, Miyuki!
[10:31] ---
    You were talking
    about yourself just now?
[10:34] ---
    If so, I'm sorry.
[10:39] ---
    So awkward!
[10:41] ---
    Why is it so hard
    to go into another classroom?
[10:44] ---
    What's this?
[10:45] ---
    What's up?
[10:47] ---
    Do you have business
    in my classroom, President?
[10:53] ---
    Have we met before somewhere?
[10:55] ---
    Why, sure! We go to the same school!
[10:57] ---
    Of course we've met!
[10:59] ---
    But that aside, don't you want me
    to call someone out here for you?
[11:02] ---
    Yes, Shinomiya.
[11:03] ---
    Okay!
[11:06] ---
    Hey, hey!
[11:08] ---
    Shinomiya!
[11:10] ---
    President says he needs to talk to you
    about something important!
[11:12] ---
    P-President?
[11:13] ---
    President has never come here before!
[11:13] ---
    "BUZZ BUZZ"
[11:15] ---
    It's probably student council business.
[11:17] ---
    But they've already disbanded.
[11:18] ---
    Then, it's a romantic thing?
[11:20] ---
    President, something important?
[11:23] ---
    Well, I guess you could call it important.
[11:26] ---
    It's about what we should do together...
[11:29] ---
    "PLAN A STRATEGY"
[11:29] ---
    to plan a strategy
    for the student council election.
[11:33] ---
    I don't want to discuss it here,
    so meet me behind the building after school.
[11:38] ---
    An afterschool rendezvous!
[11:40] ---
    Does that mean you-know-what?
[11:41] ---
    Those two are usually joined
    at the hip after school,
[11:43] ---
    "CLASS B"
[11:44] ---
    so it wouldn't surprise me
    if they were in a relationship.
[11:49] ---
    Kashiwagi, you often visit
    student council, right?
[11:52] ---
    What's the scoop?
[11:53] ---
    Spill it!
[11:55] ---
    I don't think they're dating.
[11:57] ---
    At least, not yet.
[11:58] ---
    A juicy romantic rumor about
    two leading students landed right in their lap!
[12:01] ---
    Then, this is the big day!
[12:03] ---
    It has to be that!
[12:04] ---
    "AMBASSADOR OF LOVE"
[12:04] ---
    This hot news spread like wildfire on social
    media, LINE, and the school's underground sites!
[12:07] ---
    "President is asking someone out!"
[12:07] ---
    "Whoa! Who is it?"
[12:08] ---
    "Wait... Maybe Vice President?"
[12:09] ---
    "Finally"
    "Whoa! I'm on the edge of my seat"
[12:10] ---
    "Shuchiin MMCBS
    (Mass Media Club Broadcasting Station)"
[12:10] ---
    How's the situation on the ground?
[12:13] ---
    Well, the students are keeping
    their distance and just looking on
[12:16] ---
    so as not to interfere in this precious event.
[12:18] ---
    Shinomiya, it's finally here!
[12:21] ---
    What is?
[12:22] ---
    Good luck, Kaguya!
[12:24] ---
    Good luck with what?
[12:26] ---
    All systems are go, President.
[12:29] ---
    What are you referring to?
[12:30] ---
    You've got this, Shirogane!
[12:32] ---
    What have I got?
[12:34] ---
    The result!
[12:42] ---
    Wait a second.
[12:43] ---
    What's the deal here?
[12:45] ---
    Go on!
[12:46] ---
    This feels like...
[12:47] ---
    Like I'm supposed to confess my love to her!
[12:51] ---
    Go on! You're going to ask Kaguya to be
    in charge of your campaign speeches, right?
[12:54] ---
    So, just it get done with already!
[12:57] ---
    You're not picking up
    on the vibe here at all, are you?
[13:04] ---
    President...
[13:05] ---
    You have something important...
[13:07] ---
    Yes, about that...
[13:09] ---
    Countless enthusiastic gazes
    were locked on to them!
[13:09] ---
    "STARE STARE"
[13:12] ---
    The air behind the school
    was permeated with the expectation
[13:15] ---
    of a manly confession of love from Shirogane!
[13:17] ---
    With a mood like this, if I just ask her
    to be in charge of my speeches...
[13:23] ---
    Shinomiya, I'd like to put you in charge
    of my campaign speeches.
[13:28] ---
    Bait and switch!
[13:29] ---
    Chicken!
[13:29] ---
    How could you humiliate her like this?
[13:31] ---
    I'll never vote for you!
SIGN    "ELECTION RESULT" "SHIROGANE" "SCUM" "ENEMY OF WOMEN" "CRAP!!"
[13:41] ---
    I-It seems like we've got an audience here.
[13:45] ---
    Yes, I noticed that, too.
[13:47] ---
    But I don't mind.
[13:50] ---
    Yeah, but it's not
    what you're thinking.
[13:52] ---
    Jeez! Why is he so embarrassed to ask her
    to be in charge of his speeches?
[13:56] ---
    "FLUSTERED"
[13:57] ---
    So, the thing is, um...
[13:58] ---
    President!
[13:59] ---
    You chose Kaguya over me, remember?
[14:02] ---
    Then pull yourself together!
[14:04] ---
    A love triangle?
[14:05] ---
    Is the student council room
    a hotbed of mad passion?
[14:07] ---
    Don't make the situation
    more complicated than it already is!
[14:10] ---
    What are you going to do, President?
[14:11] ---
    He just has to tell her!
[14:12] ---
    It's all over for me!
[14:17] ---
    H-Hey...
[14:22] ---
    Shinomiya...
[14:24] ---
    Y-Yes?
[14:32] ---
    Maybe it's better this way.
[14:35] ---
    I want to make Kaguya Shinomiya
    confess her love to me.
[14:38] ---
    That's what I thought all this time.
[14:40] ---
    This is a matter of pride.
[14:42] ---
    Shinomiya and I
    come from different backgrounds,
[14:45] ---
    so I thought it was necessary to have her confess
    her love to me before we could date as equals.
[14:51] ---
    But I feel too strongly about Shinomiya now...
[14:55] ---
    ...to keep making excuses.
[15:01] ---
    Shinomiya...
[15:02] ---
    I...
[15:04] ---
    I...
[15:11] ---
    I was hoping to put you in charge
    of my campaign speeches.
[15:21] ---
    Jeez.
[15:22] ---
    You're hopeless.
[15:25] ---
    Listen, President...
[15:27] ---
    This is how I'm going to answer your request.
[15:31] ---
    Whether it's about campaign speeches
    or anything else...
[15:39] ---
    Yes.
[15:40] ---
    Gladly.
[15:41] ---
    What was that?
[15:42] ---
    I couldn't hear!
[15:49] ---
    Come on, President. Let's get out of here
    before they start to riot!
[15:52] ---
    R-Right!
[15:54] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[15:54] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:55] ---
    "A TIE"
[15:56] ---
    A tie.
[15:57] ---
    What about the campaign speeches?
[16:00] ---
    The chaotic election arc begins!
[16:03] ---
    And after the commercials, at last...
[16:05] ---
    "Those two again..."
[16:06] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION
    PREDICTION BULLETIN"
[16:08] ---
    "FORMER PRESIDENT SHIROGANE DOMINATING?"
SIGN    "MIKO IINO (FIRST-YEAR) MIYUKI SHIROGANE (SECOND-YEAR) HAYATO HONGO (SECOND-YEAR)"
[16:12] ---
    You're the frontrunner, President.
[16:13] ---
    "MIKO IINO WANTS TO SET THINGS RIGHT"
[16:14] ---
    Yay! You have it in the bag!
[16:18] ---
    A lot of people just remember our names
    because of what we did last time.
[16:22] ---
    These numbers can change
    depending on what the other candidates do.
[16:29] ---
    Who am I kidding? I've totally won!
[16:31] ---
    It's scary how popular I am!
[16:32] ---
    To be honest, I don't have to do anything!
    My re-election is a lock!
[16:35] ---
    There's no need for any campaigning!
[16:38] ---
    A first-year girl is in second place, huh?
[16:41] ---
    Do you know her, Ishigami?
[16:43] ---
    You're asking me, when I don't
    even remember my classmates' names?
[16:48] ---
    Miko lino...
[16:50] ---
    Miko lino?
[16:52] ---
    Sorry. I do know this name after all.
[16:55] ---
    Is she famous?
[16:57] ---
    Well, among the first-years.
[17:00] ---
    Academically, she's the top of her class.
[17:02] ---
    O-Oh...
[17:04] ---
    But, um, she's also very intense.
[17:08] ---
    Please take one!
[17:09] ---
    Yeah.
[17:09] ---
    Please! Take one, please!
[17:10] ---
    She's the one handing out fliers over there.
[17:13] ---
    A picture is worth a thousand words.
[17:16] ---
    I think you'll get a better idea
    by seeing her in action.
[17:22] ---
    Please take a look at this.
[17:24] ---
    Please.
[17:26] ---
    Do you have a second?
[17:28] ---
    Ishigami...
[17:30] ---
    What do you want?
[17:31] ---
    I don't have time to waste on a burnout.
[17:33] ---
    Burnout...
[17:35] ---
    Well, I was just going to introduce you.
[17:38] ---
    I don't think you've met.
[17:40] ---
    You're Miko lino?
[17:45] ---
    Yes.
[17:46] ---
    Miko lino, a first-year high school student
    at Shuchiin Academy.
[17:49] ---
    "FIRST - MIKO IINO"
[17:50] ---
    Like Shirogane, she's a talented
    young woman who's the top of her class.
[17:55] ---
    Her father is a High Court judge,
[17:58] ---
    and she's a member
    of the Public Morals Committee.
[18:00] ---
    She's a diligent honors student
    with irreproachable conduct.
[18:05] ---
    And she's 147 centimeters tall!
[18:08] ---
    Nice to meet you, I suppose...
[18:10] ---
    Ex-President Shirogane.
[18:12] ---
    Ex...
[18:13] ---
    I've heard about you.
    You're the top of your class?
[18:16] ---
    Yes. Ever since I started here.
SIGN    "THIS YEAR'S GRADES FIRST TERM: FIRST SECOND TERM: FIRST THIRD TERM: FIRST"
SIGN    "FIRST-YEAR GRADES FIRST TERM: NINTH SECOND TERM: FOURTH THIRD TERM: FIRST"
[18:22] ---
    But studying isn't everything, you know.
[18:25] ---
    Working and getting real-world experience
    are important, too.
[18:28] ---
    Does he see himself
    as a first-year's rival?
[18:32] ---
    Handing out fliers, huh?
[18:34] ---
    That kind of dull effort is also important.
[18:36] ---
    You haven't been doing anything,
    though, have you, Ex-President?
[18:39] ---
    Is it the complacency of a king?
[18:42] ---
    Although from where I'm standing,
    it just looks like carelessness.
[18:45] ---
    Campaigning is trying to gather votes
    through mere exposure effect.
[18:50] ---
    That kind of phony baloney isn't necessary
    when you have an actual track record.
[18:54] ---
    That's carelessness.
[18:56] ---
    Isn't the idea of giving students the
    opportunity to think about political platforms
[19:00] ---
    connected to a wholesome
    academy administration?
[19:05] ---
    We're just stepping up to make Shuchiin Academy
    an even better and nobler place.
[19:12] ---
    I want to convey that
    to the students through my campaign.
[19:16] ---
    Y-You certainly talk big, little girl.
[19:20] ---
    Little girl?
[19:23] ---
    No matter how admirable the ideals are
    that you embrace, they're only ideals!
[19:27] ---
    I can't wait for election day!
[19:29] ---
    You'll learn firsthand
    just how harsh reality can be!
[19:33] ---
    Both of you, get off your high horse!
    You totally sound like villains!
[19:38] ---
    Ideas without ideals are meaningless.
[19:41] ---
    There, see? She's obviously in the right here!
[19:45] ---
    Sorry.
[19:46] ---
    It seems Miyuki is really
    on his guard around you, lino.
[19:50] ---
    Fujiwara...
[19:52] ---
    You know of me?
[19:54] ---
    Of course!
[19:56] ---
    And, um, so...
[19:58] ---
    ...if you wouldn't mind...
[20:01] ---
    ...after I become the president
    of the student council,
[20:03] ---
    would you become my vice president?
[20:11] ---
    Why Fujiwara of all people?
[20:13] ---
    If you actually knew her,
    you'd never say anything like that!
[20:16] ---
    Do you boys realize
    how rude you're being to me?
[20:18] ---
    Hey, you look like a decent person!
[20:21] ---
    Can you convince your friend
    to change her mind?
[20:23] ---
    No.
SIGN    "KOBACHI OSARAGI FIRST-YEAR STUDENT AT SHUCHIIN ACADEMY"
[20:25] ---
    Thinking logically about it, Fujiwara is
    a suitable choice for vice president.
[20:28] ---
    Logically?
[20:29] ---
    What do you two know about Fujiwara?
[20:33] ---
    Is there anyone else
    who can stack up to her?
[20:39] ---
    Fujiwara won first prize
    at the PTNA National Piano Competition!
[20:44] ---
    Although that was in fourth grade.
[20:46] ---
    She also speaks five different languages!
[20:49] ---
    Well, my parents are diplomats.
[20:50] ---
    And she's a brilliant person who boasts
    average grades here at Shuchiin Academy!
[20:54] ---
    That's only average, huh?
[20:57] ---
    Ever since I was a little kid,
    I've played the piano and idolized Fujiwara!
[21:03] ---
    She's a prodigy
    who's light years ahead of me!
[21:07] ---
    Did you know that?
[21:11] ---
    Praise me more.
[21:12] ---
    Did you have any idea?
    Fujiwara is a great person!
[21:16] ---
    Ever since I quit, people have been treating me
    like a has-been, so I'm touched!
[21:19] ---
    Certainly, you may be the favorite now.
[21:22] ---
    However...
[21:24] ---
    I won't back down on my ideals!
[21:26] ---
    And I'm certain that people
    will come to understand them eventually.
[21:31] ---
    To bring Fujiwara into the fold, too,
    I'm going to win this election!
[21:35] ---
    "FWISH"
[21:35] ---
    We're not going to lose!
[21:38] ---
    How can you switch sides so naturally?
[21:43] ---
    Miko lino...
[21:45] ---
    We'll have to take measures.
[21:48] ---
    I don't think we have to worry about that.
[21:51] ---
    What?
[21:52] ---
    Read that flier carefully.
[21:55] ---
    "CAMPAIGN PROMISES"
[21:57] ---
    This is what she's really like.
[22:00] ---
    Miko lino is by the book
    and serious to a fault.
[22:03] ---
    Handing out fliers like that
    will just turn people off.
[22:06] ---
    I wonder why she doesn't get that.
[22:07] ---
    Y-Yeah.
[22:10] ---
    Shirogane dominates even more.
[22:11] ---
    She's always been like this.
[22:13] ---
    She's so annoying that it's like the annoyance
    takes on a life of its own and walks around.
[22:15] ---
    I wish it would hit her one of these days
    just what kind of person she is.
[22:20] ---
    Today's Kaguya...
[22:22] ---
    "TODAY'S KAGUYA"
[22:24] ---
    Where is everyone?
[22:26] ---
    "Actually, I can't betray my friends!!"

Season 2 - Love is War?

E5 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants Girls to Fall for Him

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS GIRLS TO FALL FOR HIM"
[01:30] ---
    Winter uniforms!
[01:32] ---
    Winter uniforms!
[01:34] ---
    Miyuki!
[01:35] ---
    Oh, Fujiwara...
[01:38] ---
    Something about me is different today.
    What do you think it--
[01:43] ---
    Your uniform is different.
[01:44] ---
    You're totally different!
[01:45] ---
    Wh-Wh-What happened?
    It's like your aura has changed!
[01:50] ---
    I don't think I've done anything especially...
[01:53] ---
    It must be because I have
    the jacket on again.
[01:55] ---
    It feels like we hardly had any time
    at all to wear the summer uniforms.
[01:58] ---
    This is no time to get sentimental!
[02:02] ---
    Is there some strange parasite inside of you?
    Maybe you should go to the hospital!
[02:05] ---
    As always, you bewilder me.
[02:08] ---
    Oh, wait.
[02:09] ---
    I had time to fix my bed head today.
    It's probably that.
[02:10] ---
    "HERE"
[02:12] ---
    True, that's different too, but...
[02:15] ---
    Wait, that was always bed head?
[02:17] ---
    Without the student council,
[02:19] ---
    Shirogane now had
    three extra hours to use as he liked.
SIGN    "CAUSE OF BED HEAD"
SIGN    "NIGHTTIME STUDY" "SLEEP" "STUDENT COUNCIL" "CLASSES "WORK" "GO HOME"
[02:24] ---
    Yes! Now that he gets enough sleep,
    Shirogane's health is in tip-top condition!
[02:31] ---
    Huh? Really?
[02:35] ---
    WWhy are you so far away from me?
[02:38] ---
    After all, it's kind of like...
[02:43] ---
    Fujiwara? What the heck?
[02:45] ---
    Good morning!
[02:47] ---
    Have a nice day!
[02:48] ---
    Oh, good morning.
[02:51] ---
    What was that? Those two
    have never greeted me before.
[02:56] ---
    What happened to you?
    Was some curse broken?
[02:59] ---
    I was never under any curse!
[03:01] ---
    What's with everybody?
[03:03] ---
    Am I that weird today?
[03:05] ---
    Well, you're always giving off
    this intimidating air,
[03:09] ---
    but it's gone today.
[03:11] ---
    "ALWAYS"
[03:12] ---
    Intimidating air?
[03:13] ---
    "NOW"
[03:14] ---
    I don't mean to.
[03:17] ---
    Hey, Shirogane!
[03:19] ---
    We're going to go do karaoke today.
    Wanna join us?
[03:23] ---
    I'll be busy campaigning
    for the election today, so...
[03:26] ---
    I see. Okay, I'll let you have a rain check.
[03:29] ---
    Great.
[03:32] ---
    This could be your one chance.
[03:34] ---
    Your period of popularity!
[03:35] ---
    Period of popularity?
[03:36] ---
    Period of popularity!
[03:38] ---
    Now that he mentioned it,
    the glare's not there.
[03:41] ---
    You could even say
    that my eyes look kindly.
[03:45] ---
    Popularity!
[03:46] ---
    Maybe...
[03:47] ---
    I could make Shinomiya
    fall for me like this!
[03:50] ---
    We've been getting along lately,
    so maybe now...
[03:53] ---
    This is a major chance!
[03:58] ---
    Shinomiya...
[03:59] ---
    President?
[04:01] ---
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[04:04] ---
    Do I have something on my face?
[04:07] ---
    No.
[04:08] ---
    All right, about the content of the speech...
[04:12] ---
    She's so flustered
    that she can't even look at me.
[04:14] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[04:14] ---
    It's all she can think about!
[04:16] ---
    If I can throw her off balance...
[04:19] ---
    The speech should reference
    your achievements
[04:21] ---
    and make a strong appeal about your
    realistic management of the council.
[04:25] ---
    That's not bad, but it should be
    a little more emotional.
[04:28] ---
    Maybe it would be a good idea
    to appeal to human nature.
[04:31] ---
    Human nature?
[04:33] ---
    Yeah. I want to know
    what the people around me think of me.
[04:39] ---
    For example...
[04:41] ---
    What do you think of me, Shinomiya?
[04:44] ---
    H-How's this? This should work!
[04:46] ---
    Wh-What do I think of you, President?
[04:49] ---
    W-Well, you're cool, smart,
    with eyes that shine like Canis Major.
[04:55] ---
    I think you're very likeable.
[04:58] ---
    It'll work!
[04:59] ---
    I think you're serious
    and helpful to others,
[05:01] ---
    which makes you a good choice
    for the student council president.
[05:04] ---
    And you're too close.
[05:07] ---
    H-Huh? Something's off.
[05:10] ---
    No.
[05:11] ---
    It's possible she's hiding her embarrassment.
[05:13] ---
    I'll try once more.
[05:14] ---
    I slept well last night,
    so my eyes feel refreshed.
[05:17] ---
    I think it probably makes a difference,
    but what do you think?
[05:21] ---
    Yeah.
[05:22] ---
    I guess.
[05:24] ---
    But you're too close.
[05:26] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[05:26] ---
    That's her honest reaction!
[05:28] ---
    She obviously couldn't care less!
[05:30] ---
    Why? When I received such a positive
    response from everyone else!
[05:33] ---
    Why not Shinomiya?
[05:34] ---
    Shirogane's mind wasn't on the meeting!
    But neither was Kaguya's mind!
[05:41] ---
    Why? Tell me why!
[05:44] ---
    President used to have such cool eyes!
[05:51] ---
    I'd like to ask your advice
    about something, Miss Kashiwagi.
[05:55] ---
    Yes, that's the vibe I'm getting.
[05:57] ---
    "NAGISA KASHIWAGI
    WANTS TO CONSOLE"
[05:58] ---
    This is about a friend.
[06:00] ---
    It's about Kaguya.
[06:02] ---
    Recently, a boy she's interested in
    has undergone a major change.
[06:06] ---
    So, it's about Shirogane.
[06:08] ---
    And she's kind of shocked
    by that change.
[06:14] ---
    She's worried that if her feelings can be shaken
    just by looks, then it's probably not true love.
[06:21] ---
    I see.
[06:23] ---
    She said "true love"!
[06:25] ---
    True love!
[06:27] ---
    Pure words that are embarrassing to say!
[06:27] ---
    "REAL LOVE"
[06:29] ---
    "ETERNAL LOVE"
[06:29] ---
    For someone living a normal life,
    expressions like that never come up,
[06:33] ---
    but this was Kaguya,
    born and raised in a special environment.
[06:37] ---
    She wasn't even aware that uttering
    expressions like that was embarrassing!
[06:42] ---
    And the more mature the person,
    the more squeamish they became.
[06:47] ---
    I'm not pure enough to cope
    with your bittersweet first love!
[06:55] ---
    But Kaguya turned to me for help,
    so I have to do my best for her.
[07:00] ---
    That's what love is like.
[07:03] ---
    It gets heated up and cooled down
    over the most trivial things.
[07:06] ---
    But...
[07:07] ---
    ...true love isn't swayed so easily
    by a change in the person's looks, right?
[07:12] ---
    She's making my brain itch!
[07:15] ---
    It's okay, Kaguya.
[07:17] ---
    I'm sure your friend's feelings
    are real... T-True love!
[07:22] ---
    I said it.
[07:25] ---
    Really? Is it love?
[07:27] ---
    Yes, it's t-true love.
[07:31] ---
    What are you talking about?
[07:34] ---
    I overheard interesting words like "true love,"
    so I came running over!
[07:38] ---
    This complicates it.
[07:39] ---
    Kaguya is really bad
    at asking for advice.
[07:42] ---
    If she keeps talking like this,
    her secret will slip out.
[07:43] ---
    This is about a friend.
[07:46] ---
    I'll have to take one for the team.
[07:48] ---
    Yes.
[07:49] ---
    I asked her for advice.
[07:52] ---
    My question was "What is true love?"
[07:55] ---
    Kashiwagi, asking a question
    like that at your age!
[08:01] ---
    Wait a second.
[08:02] ---
    I'm the one who asked for--
[08:04] ---
    "FWIP"
[08:04] ---
    Don't let my embarrassment go to waste!
[08:06] ---
    I wonder what true love really is.
[08:10] ---
    It's simple!
[08:12] ---
    True love is the kind of love that can't be swayed
    by appearance, like with Beauty and the Beast.
[08:17] ---
    Love that cools off just because
    one person's appearance changes sucks!
[08:21] ---
    It's fake!
[08:23] ---
    "THE WORST"
[08:23] ---
    That's the worst possible answer!
[08:25] ---
    Hurry up, Fujiwara!
[08:28] ---
    On my way!
[08:30] ---
    I was right.
[08:31] ---
    My love is fake love...
[08:33] ---
    Kaguya isn't even trying to hide
    the fact that it's her anymore.
[08:37] ---
    What's wrong?
[08:38] ---
    Ishigami...
[08:41] ---
    Ishigami, have you ever suffered
    from not being able to obtain true love?
[08:46] ---
    Kaguya?
[08:47] ---
    I know you're desperately
    grasping at straws, but asking him that...
[08:51] ---
    True love?
[08:52] ---
    Let's be a little more realistic.
[08:54] ---
    See? He's disgusted.
[08:56] ---
    In this day and age,
[08:58] ---
    nobody can love another person
    without any self-interest involved.
[09:01] ---
    I agree!
[09:02] ---
    It's foolish.
[09:06] ---
    Now, realistic love
    that's in each person's heart...
[09:10] ---
    Why don't people realize
    that's what true love is?
[09:16] ---
    Well, I'll see you later.
[09:18] ---
    Ishigami...
[09:19] ---
    Once in a while,
    he's got a way with words.
[09:22] ---
    I can't deal with this!
    I'm going to be sick!
[09:23] ---
    I see. There is no love
    that's right or wrong.
[09:27] ---
    You should just love realistically.
[09:29] ---
    Th-That's right!
[09:31] ---
    Your own way of loving
    is true love, Kaguya!
[09:34] ---
    Good!
[09:35] ---
    Then, this is really true love, right?
[09:38] ---
    It is, isn't it? Isn't it?
[09:39] ---
    Yeah, sure!
[09:41] ---
    Shinomiya...
[09:42] ---
    Hey, you two!
[09:44] ---
    Isn't it another beautiful day?
[09:48] ---
    Wh-Wh-Wh-What's wrong?
    What happened to your face?
[09:51] ---
    Oh, I've been working on my campaign strategy
    so much that I haven't been able to sleep!
[09:55] ---
    I guess it's been really hard on my eyes!
[09:58] ---
    I know she liked that glare of his,
    but surely not to this extent!
[10:02] ---
    P-President, that's no good.
[10:04] ---
    The infirmary...
    You should lie down in the infirmary!
[10:07] ---
    Huh?
[10:09] ---
    This is bad. I shouldn't do this.
[10:11] ---
    I know I shouldn't be doing this, but...
[10:15] ---
    Th-Thanks, Shinomiya.
[10:18] ---
    That's all right. No problem.
[10:22] ---
    I'm sorry, Kaguya. Maybe...
[10:27] ---
    ...that's not true love.
[10:30] ---
    Today's battle result...
[10:32] ---
    Kashiwagi loses.
[10:36] ---
    After being tainted by a man,
    my lady has developed a strange fetish.
[10:40] ---
    Hayasaka harbored a realistic fear.
[10:45] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS TO SING"
[10:48] ---
    ♪ We look up to the high sky... ♪
[10:52] ---
    ♪ To the peak of distant Mount Fuji... ♪
[10:56] ---
    ♪ We ride the azure winds... ♪
[11:00] ---
    ♪ Will our song be heard? ♪
[11:05] ---
    ♪ We know our flaws
    and will work hard to overcome them... ♪
[11:09] ---
    He's just mouthing the words!
[11:13] ---
    Miyuki, you idiot! Insincere! Shameless!
[11:15] ---
    Former or not, how could
    the president of the student council
[11:18] ---
    just lip-synch the school anthem?
[11:20] ---
    I expect you to do
    some serious repenting! I'm furious!
[11:23] ---
    The school anthem!
[11:24] ---
    At Shuchiin Academy, it's sung in unison at
    morning assembly at the beginning of every week
[11:28] ---
    and because it's done
    since elementary school,
[11:28] ---
    "ELEMENTARY"
[11:28] ---
    "MIDDLE"
[11:30] ---
    "HIGH"
[11:30] ---
    almost all of the trueborn students can sing it.
[11:31] ---
    "Transferred in
    from another
    school"
[11:33] ---
    Thus, not being able to sing it is shameful.
[11:37] ---
    I'm impressed you were able to see
    through my flawless lip-synching, Fujiwara.
[11:42] ---
    Well, I am the conductor.
[11:44] ---
    It may be a pain, but you really
    should remember the lyrics!
[11:47] ---
    Wait a second. That's not it.
[11:49] ---
    I have the lyrics memorized,
    and it's not like I don't want to sing.
[11:52] ---
    Then, why?
[11:54] ---
    I'm...
[11:55] ---
    ...crap.
[11:56] ---
    Huh? You're crap?
[11:57] ---
    I'm kind of crappy at singing!
    And a girl shouldn't say such vulgar things!
[12:01] ---
    But come on, former or not, a student
    council president who can't carry a tune?
[12:05] ---
    Shirogane is singing out of tune!
[12:09] ---
    Awful!
[12:10] ---
    President... So, you're tone-deaf?
[12:13] ---
    Then, you've only been mouthing the words?
[12:16] ---
    How cute.
[12:17] ---
    It would be even more embarrassing
    if I sang it out loud!
[12:21] ---
    So, better to spare myself
    the humiliation by mouthing the words!
[12:26] ---
    Kind of crappy at singing...
[12:28] ---
    Memories of their intensive volleyball training
    floated through Fujiwara's head.
[12:32] ---
    Those days and nights of grueling training
[12:34] ---
    were pure hell that exhausted
    the mind and body.
[12:38] ---
    She swore to herself that she'd never
    teach Shirogane anything again!
[12:41] ---
    This time, though,
    it wasn't exercise but music.
[12:43] ---
    A subject Fujiwara was especially good at!
[12:46] ---
    On top of that, he was only "kind of" tone-deaf.
[12:49] ---
    Kind of crappy, right?
    Just kind of crappy, right?
[12:52] ---
    Yeah, I swear, only kind of.
    I'm only kind of a crappy singer!
[12:57] ---
    Then, what the heck?
    I'll help you practice!
[13:00] ---
    For real?
[13:14] ---
    Fujiwara cursed her naive judgment!
[13:17] ---
    She had foolishly opened the gate
    to her own personal hell!
[13:19] ---
    Help me, Pesu!
[13:23] ---
    Well?
[13:24] ---
    Don't give me "kind of"!
[13:25] ---
    It's devastating! You're lethally tone-deaf!
[13:27] ---
    How dare you lie to me!
[13:30] ---
    Oh, that's an exaggeration!
    I'm not that bad.
[13:33] ---
    Do you want to hear yourself?
[13:34] ---
    "VOICE MEMO"
[13:36] ---
    Yeah, sure.
[13:39] ---
    No...
[13:41] ---
    This hideous singing voice is mine?
[13:43] ---
    That's reality. Accept it.
[13:46] ---
    What should I do?
[13:48] ---
    Instead of a song,
    start by singing one sound properly.
[13:55] ---
    Can you do that?
[13:57] ---
    Who do you think I am?
    Of course I can do that much.
[14:03] ---
    See?
[14:04] ---
    That's "re"!
[14:05] ---
    This is "so"!
[14:07] ---
    This is "re"!
[14:08] ---
    They're completely different, right?
[14:11] ---
    Yeah.
[14:12] ---
    Liar! Your face tells me
    you don't get it at all!
[14:15] ---
    Okay, I'm going to do "so,"
[14:18] ---
    so listen carefully
    and then try to reproduce my sound.
[14:21] ---
    The same sound.
[14:26] ---
    "HIGHER"
[14:28] ---
    "HIGHER"
[14:36] ---
    "This is 'so' in unison. Right now,
    you and I are producing the same sound."
[14:38] ---
    "It feels good, doesn't it?"
[14:41] ---
    That's listening to a note
    and then singing it.
[14:44] ---
    I appreciate this, Fujiwara.
[14:47] ---
    I feel like I understand music
    for the first time!
[14:51] ---
    I can sing!
[14:53] ---
    Now I can sing!
[14:54] ---
    Yes!
[14:56] ---
    Here I go!
[15:03] ---
    How was that?
[15:04] ---
    I feel like I'm going to puke!
[15:06] ---
    Before, it had a kind of charm
    like a sea cucumber's viscera,
[15:09] ---
    but now that you're hitting the notes
    in a half-assed way, it just sounds bad!
[15:14] ---
    You don't sugarcoat, do you?
[15:17] ---
    Look, I'll just keep mouthing the words.
[15:19] ---
    I don't want to ruin it
    for everyone else with my singing.
[15:22] ---
    Oh, that wouldn't...
[15:24] ---
    It's happened before.
[15:27] ---
    My elementary school teacher told me,
    "You don't have to sing."
[15:32] ---
    "MIDDLE"
[15:32] ---
    For my middle school's chorus festival,
    my classmates begged me to lip-synch.
[15:38] ---
    I've been mouthing the words
    ever since then.
[15:42] ---
    Honestly, I'd like to sing.
[15:44] ---
    Without getting worked up.
[15:45] ---
    I'd like to sing with everyone.
[15:48] ---
    But...
[15:52] ---
    Why didn't you tell me that
    from the beginning?
[15:56] ---
    Fujiwara...
[15:58] ---
    I'll make a singer out of you yet, Miyuki.
[16:01] ---
    "GOO GOO GA GA"
[16:01] ---
    Leave it to Mama!
[16:02] ---
    I'm uncomfortable with that
    maternal instinct you're displaying!
[16:07] ---
    And so...
[16:08] ---
    "DEMON"
[16:12] ---
    ...time went by intensely.
[16:22] ---
    The next morning assembly!
[16:27] ---
    Miyuki...
[16:31] ---
    Please, God...
[16:35] ---
    ♪ We look up to the high sky... ♪
[16:40] ---
    ♪ To the peak of distant Mount Fuji... ♪
[16:44] ---
    ♪ We ride the azure winds... ♪
[16:47] ---
    He's singing!
[16:48] ---
    ♪ Will our song be heard? ♪
[16:49] ---
    Miyuki is singing!
[16:52] ---
    Yeah. It's being heard, Miyuki.
[16:52] ---
    ♪ We know our flaws
    and will work hard to overcome them... ♪
[17:00] ---
    ♪ Nobility and shame both dwell in the eyes... ♪
[17:08] ---
    ♪ Together we will rise
    above the darkness of discouragement... ♪
[17:16] ---
    "HIGHER"
[17:16] ---
    ♪ Days of advancing
    through the heights together... ♪
[17:25] ---
    ♪ We will reach our destination someday... ♪
[17:33] ---
    ♪ We will never forget
    our gratitude to you, Mother... ♪
[17:41] ---
    ♪ Our mother who raised us... ♪
[17:46] ---
    Fujiwara?
[17:47] ---
    Fujiwara?
[17:48] ---
    Chika?
[17:52] ---
    I sang!
[17:54] ---
    I really sang!
[17:56] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, what was that about?
[18:03] ---
    He made me so proud!
[18:09] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
    "SHIROGANE & FUJIWARA WIN"
[18:10] ---
    Today's battle result...
[18:11] ---
    Shirogane and Fujiwara win.
[18:14] ---
    "No, I'm done!!
    My days of teaching him are over!!"
[18:16] ---
    To be continued.
SIGN    "HAYATO HONGO (SECOND-YEAR) WITHDRAWS HIS CANDIDACY FROM THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION SO HE CAN FOCUS ON STUDYING?"
SIGN    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S 3 POLICIES WE AND THE STUDENTS TOGETHER"
[18:28] ---
    There we go.
[18:30] ---
    What's that?
[18:31] ---
    Oh...
[18:32] ---
    Iino advertised her campaign pledges,
[18:35] ---
    so I prepared pledges for our side.
[18:37] ---
    Oh. President made this?
[18:37] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO KICK THEM DOWN"
[18:39] ---
    Nope, I made it up off the top of my head!
[18:42] ---
    Well, campaign promises
    are just like decorations anyway.
[18:46] ---
    Once the election is over,
    no one will remember who said what.
[18:50] ---
    You come from a family of politicians, right?
[18:54] ---
    "INVESTIGATION REPORT"
[18:55] ---
    Miko lino.
[18:56] ---
    Her father is a high court judge,
[18:59] ---
    and her mother works for an international
    humanitarian aid organization.
[19:02] ---
    Besides our people, I've been using
    outside investigators to look into her.
[19:07] ---
    I don't think this is going to be easy.
[19:09] ---
    Really?
[19:10] ---
    Usually with this kind of thing, when you
    start turning over rocks, you find bugs.
[19:15] ---
    Once in a while,
[19:16] ---
    you also find people who lay their lives
    on the line for their job and are incorruptible.
[19:20] ---
    We may not be able to find
    any ammunition to use against her.
[19:23] ---
    Even if that's the case,
    it's not a problem.
[19:26] ---
    I've encountered
    more scoundrels than she has.
[19:31] ---
    Why did you want to see me?
    I don't really have any free time.
[19:35] ---
    That's why I thought it would be a good idea
    to take a breather with a cup of tea.
[19:39] ---
    The student council room
    is supposed to be off-limits right now.
[19:43] ---
    Either you or we will become the next
    student council, so that doesn't matter.
[19:48] ---
    Hongo might also become
    the student council president.
[19:53] ---
    Yes, he had a chance, right?
[19:57] ---
    Let me see. Did we have
    any cookies in here?
[20:00] ---
    No, thank you.
[20:01] ---
    I can tell you're the kind of person
    who'll stop at nothing to get what she wants.
[20:06] ---
    I don't trust that tea.
[20:09] ---
    Oh, that's a shame.
[20:10] ---
    I just wanted to get to know you better.
[20:14] ---
    I hear your parents
    are both upstanding members of society.
[20:19] ---
    Yes, they are.
[20:20] ---
    I respect my parents because
    they stay on the straight and narrow
[20:23] ---
    and refuse to give in to anyone,
    no matter how crooked they are!
[20:28] ---
    Conviction and anxiety.
[20:31] ---
    Should I change my line of attack?
[20:34] ---
    Then, why don't we talk about this?
[20:37] ---
    During elementary and middle school,
    you ran for the student council many times.
[20:41] ---
    But you never won, not once.
[20:44] ---
    You do know why, don't you?
[20:47] ---
    You weren't strong enough
    to have your strict ideals accepted.
[20:52] ---
    If you cling to those ideals,
[20:54] ---
    you'll never win an election
    while you're at this academy, either.
[20:59] ---
    However...
[21:00] ---
    ...we'll help you with your election campaign.
[21:04] ---
    By the name of Shinomiya, I swear
    I'll make you the student council president.
[21:10] ---
    But that's...
[21:11] ---
    Of course, that support would be
    in accordance with your ideals.
[21:15] ---
    You'd decide on any actions I took.
[21:18] ---
    That doesn't sound bad, does it?
[21:22] ---
    Disturbed. Hopeful.
[21:24] ---
    Yes.
[21:26] ---
    You want to be the student council president
    more than anything, right?
[21:31] ---
    What are you after?
[21:34] ---
    This is a deal, isn't it?
    What's the condition going to be?
[21:39] ---
    I wouldn't call it a condition.
    Wait until you're a second-year.
[21:44] ---
    I think it'd be better for you to learn
    a little more about the high school first.
[21:48] ---
    Otherwise, we won't be able
    to support you with confidence.
[21:52] ---
    In other words...
[21:54] ---
    ...in exchange for your help next year,
    you want us to drop out this year.
[21:58] ---
    Is that it?
[22:01] ---
    Oh. Is that how it sounded to you?
[22:03] ---
    I see.
[22:05] ---
    President aside, is that
    how the former student council operated?
[22:10] ---
    That's plain dirty.
[22:12] ---
    You and Ex-President Shirogane...
[22:14] ---
    ...were made for each other!
[22:17] ---
    "BLUSH"
[22:18] ---
    Made for each other?
[22:19] ---
    Yes, made for each other!
[22:20] ---
    You're two of a kind!
    You have perfect compatibility!
[22:23] ---
    Um...
[22:25] ---
    Do you really think
    we're that compatible?
[22:28] ---
    There aren't many people
    who are as compatible as you two!
[22:30] ---
    You might as well get married!
[22:34] ---
    Married?
[22:35] ---
    I can't believe you two
    had the run of this academy.
[22:38] ---
    Well! I didn't realize she was so nice!
[22:42] ---
    No, get a grip! You can't let yourself
    be swayed by emotions!
[22:44] ---
    One more step and I can break her spirit!
[22:46] ---
    Come to think of it...
[22:48] ---
    ...w-we kept a fruitcake in here
    for a special occasion.
[22:51] ---
    I don't want any!
[22:52] ---
    Oh.
[22:53] ---
    I've made up my mind.
[22:54] ---
    Both you and Ex-President
    are going to be part of my student council.
[22:59] ---
    I'm going to beat your warped nature into shape!
[23:02] ---
    Th-That's not...
[23:06] ---
    Huh?
[23:07] ---
    That's actually not a bad condition.
[23:10] ---
    For me, it would guarantee
    that I'd get to be with President.
[23:15] ---
    And it would also free President
    from exhausting work.
[23:18] ---
    So...
[23:20] ---
    ...together, we'll bring order
    back to this academy!
[23:23] ---
    We'll all check
    everyone's uniforms every morning!
[23:26] ---
    In the afternoon,
    we'll pick up litter together!
[23:28] ---
    And as for hanky-panky at night,
    there won't be any of it.
[23:31] ---
    No romance?
[23:32] ---
    Of course not! You won't be permitted
    to get closer than 50 cm to the person!
[23:36] ---
    Vice President Fujiwara and I...
[23:39] ---
    ...will be able to make it all happen!
[23:41] ---
    Vice President who?
    Are you for real?
[23:45] ---
    Of course.
[23:47] ---
    What's this girl talking about?
    I'm terrified!
[23:50] ---
    The result of today's negotiations...
[23:52] ---
    Breakdown!
[23:53] ---
    Next time, Election Day!
[23:56] ---
    "ELECTION SUPER TUESDAY"

Season 2 - Love is War?

E6 - I Don't Want to Make Miko Iino Smile

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    "ELECTION COMMISSION"
[01:32] ---
    I have a favor to ask you.
[01:36] ---
    I want you to beat Miko lino
    in today's election by a landslide.
[01:39] ---
    Why are you so serious?
[01:41] ---
    Polling shows we've got
    almost 90% of the vote locked down,
[01:43] ---
    "I DON'T WANT TO MAKE
    MIKO IINO SMILE"
[01:45] ---
    so I don't think
    there's any need to worry.
[01:48] ---
    Do they have some kind of ace up their sleeve?
[01:51] ---
    No, they don't.
[01:53] ---
    I'm sure we'll win today's election.
[01:56] ---
    But even so, we should be able
    to make it a decisive win.
[02:00] ---
    Is there something
    between you and Miko lino?
[02:09] ---
    Miko, what are you doing?
[02:12] ---
    I heard writing the character for a person on your
    palm and then swallowing it calms the nerves.
[02:16] ---
    Want to try together?
[02:18] ---
    Swallow a person...
[02:23] ---
    I can't.
[02:24] ---
    Why not?
[02:26] ---
    It's like I have empathy for this person.
[02:29] ---
    I would feel guilty swallowing him.
[02:31] ---
    What are you talking about?
[02:32] ---
    When I think that he may have
    parents and a family...
[02:35] ---
    He doesn't.
[02:36] ---
    Then, he's all alone.
[02:38] ---
    That's wrong, too.
[02:39] ---
    I'm going to name this person Yusaku.
[02:41] ---
    What's the point of making it
    even tougher for yourself to swallow him?
[02:44] ---
    Please get ready!
[02:47] ---
    Okay!
[02:56] ---
    D-Do your best.
[03:00] ---
    Yusaku...
[03:07] ---
    Miko lino is a very honest girl.
[03:11] ---
    She's a girl who is sensitive, pure...
[03:13] ---
    ...and more just than anyone I know.
[03:17] ---
    I think many of you already know
[03:18] ---
    how earnest she is through her work
    as a member of the Public Morals Committee.
[03:22] ---
    She was a member of that committee
    all through middle school,
[03:24] ---
    working hard for the sake
    of the academy and her fellow students.
[03:28] ---
    At the same time,
[03:29] ---
    she was devoted to her studies
    and was the highest-ranked student...
[03:29] ---
    There's no hesitation.
[03:30] ---
    She must have practiced a lot.
[03:33] ---
    But...
[03:34] ---
    ...people here aren't really paying attention.
[03:37] ---
    Maybe half of the students here
    are actually listening.
[03:40] ---
    So, please vote for Miko lino.
[03:45] ---
    Thank you for listening.
[03:48] ---
    And now, let's hear from a supporter
    for Mr. Shirogane, Ms. Shinomiya.
[03:54] ---
    Kaguya!
[03:55] ---
    She's so honorable!
[04:14] ---
    My name is Kaguya Shinomiya,
    and I'm here to present a speech
[04:17] ---
    in support of presidential candidate
    Miyuki Shirogane. Hello.
[04:20] ---
    As you all know, I served as the former
    vice president of the student council.
[04:21] ---
    She did that mic feedback thing on purpose.
[04:24] ---
    She did it to command everyone's attention,
    even the teachers.
[04:27] ---
    I'd like to think I have a better grasp
    of what the student council is than anyone.
[04:32] ---
    The operating costs for the school's
    student council is provided by contributions,
[04:36] ---
    so the money at our disposal
    cannot be used in an immature way.
SIGN    "FORMER STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS"
[04:41] ---
    Safe, sound and effective management
    of the funds is essential.
[04:44] ---
    As this data indicates,
    our previous student council,
[04:47] ---
    under the leadership
    of President Miyuki Shirogane,
[04:49] ---
    was able to accomplish
    all of this, I'm proud to say.
[04:52] ---
    That's true. They do have actual results.
[04:53] ---
    He revised club activity budgets,
[04:55] ---
    Yeah.
[04:56] ---
    was in charge
    of the school festival operating budget,
[04:57] ---
    But Shirogane just started here
    from high school--
[04:58] ---
    and increased the number of vending machines.
[04:58] ---
    No talking.
[05:01] ---
    President Shirogane always considered
[05:02] ---
    how he could improve the quality of our
    student lives here and then took action.
[05:04] ---
    Just before, Fujiwara led a teacher
    over by an anti-Shirogane section.
[05:05] ---
    That stance will remain unchanging for a second term.
[05:09] ---
    We can't put anything past them.
[05:10] ---
    Finally...
[05:11] ---
    I would like to explain our forthcoming
    club policies with video footage.
[05:16] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    PROJECTED STUDENT COUNCIL OPERATIONS"
[05:16] ---
    We're going to let the destination
    of the class trip
[05:18] ---
    be guided by the results
    of a survey given to students.
[05:22] ---
    I wanna go to Bali!
[05:23] ---
    I say Egypt!
[05:24] ---
    "SHUCHIIN ACADEMY FESTIVAL"
[05:24] ---
    And then, our hearts will become one.
[05:25] ---
    "HOUSHIN FESTIVAL"
[05:32] ---
    "EBISU ACADEMICS AND SPORTS"
[05:32] ---
    On top of that, he arranged
[05:35] ---
    for that charismatic teacher from last year
    to come back this season for a special class.
[05:39] ---
    This promotional video
    is full of shameless baloney.
[05:40] ---
    "ERINA EYATE"
[05:43] ---
    Ishigami...
[05:46] ---
    They're eating it up.
[05:48] ---
    We're just presenting an approximation
    of your accomplishments, President.
[05:52] ---
    The important thing is having a list
    of things and how they're presented.
[05:55] ---
    Still, I'm surprised you put
    so much effort into this, Ishigami.
[06:00] ---
    It's like I said.
[06:02] ---
    I want to beat Miko lino in a landslide.
[06:05] ---
    That is all.
[06:07] ---
    Thank you for your attention.
[06:10] ---
    Please vote for Miyuki Shirogane.
[06:15] ---
    That was powerful.
[06:17] ---
    She just exudes unshakeable strength.
[06:20] ---
    Miko has just as many accomplishments.
[06:22] ---
    But...
[06:24] ---
    Next, let's hear from the candidate, Miko lino.
[06:40] ---
    My name is...
[06:42] ---
    What'd she say?
[06:43] ---
    Mic trouble?
[06:44] ---
    We can't hear you!
[06:46] ---
    Is something wrong?
[06:48] ---
    I'm Miko lino.
[06:53] ---
    Is she nervous?
[06:56] ---
    Again?
[07:03] ---
    This is the usual pattern.
[07:06] ---
    This is the reason Miko lino doesn't win.
[07:09] ---
    She was never good
    in front of a crowd,
[07:11] ---
    but every time she loses
    an election, it gets worse.
[07:16] ---
    It's laughable.
[07:19] ---
    Top of the class, by the book,
    serious to a fault.
[07:23] ---
    Normally, she's a self-important,
    authoritarian pain in the ass,
[07:26] ---
    so it's all the more potent
    when she exposes herself to ridicule like this.
[07:30] ---
    You can't expect people who are annoyed
    by her on the daily not to laugh.
[07:34] ---
    "TAP TAP"
[07:36] ---
    I have plenty of reasons
    to resent her myself.
[07:37] ---
    "SCRUB SCRUB"
[07:40] ---
    "FWISH!!"
[07:43] ---
    "POURING WATER"
SIGN    "CHUCKLE CHUCKLE" "HEH HEH"
SIGN    "PLEASE VOTE FOR ME THIS TIME FOR SURE"
SIGN    "WOW"
SIGN    "HAHAHAHA"
[07:49] ---
    But...
[07:50] ---
    But it pisses me off...
[07:53] ---
    ...when someone who's trying so hard
    gets laughed at.
[07:56] ---
    So...
[07:57] ---
    Leave it to me.
[08:01] ---
    You want us to win in a way that won't make
    Miko lino a laughingstock, right?
[08:14] ---
    No one's home, Miko?
[08:17] ---
    No.
[08:18] ---
    My mom is distributing vaccines
    to a hot spot,
[08:21] ---
    and my dad has to work late
    at the courthouse.
[08:24] ---
    Both of their jobs are very important.
[08:28] ---
    But don't you get lonely
    being the only one at home?
[08:31] ---
    I do.
[08:33] ---
    I wouldn't be able to take it.
[08:36] ---
    It's not my mom and dad's fault.
[08:39] ---
    It's just that the world
    is full of bad people...
[08:42] ---
    ...which makes them so busy
    that they can't come home much.
[08:47] ---
    If only people would follow the rules...
[08:51] ---
    Miko is a very serious person.
[08:54] ---
    She always comes to class
    early in the morning...
[08:57] ---
    ...to feed the fish and change
    the water for the flowers.
[09:01] ---
    She always does what the teacher says
    and always has the highest grade.
[09:07] ---
    Everyone!
[09:08] ---
    It was only natural when she ran for
    student council president in elementary school.
[09:13] ---
    Stop bringing things to school
    that have nothing to do with our studies!
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTED: MAKOTO TADA MOMOKO ADACHI MIKO IINO"
[09:17] ---
    Miko loves doing what's right.
[09:21] ---
    But to elementary school students
    who just want to have fun,
[09:24] ---
    doing what's right is seen as an enemy
    that infringes on their freedom.
[09:29] ---
    In middle school,
    we joined the Public Morals Committee.
[09:33] ---
    Miko didn't hesitate
    to crack down on upperclassmen
[09:36] ---
    even if they were scary or popular.
[09:39] ---
    A lot of people didn't appreciate that.
SIGN    "ELECTED: KAZUO AIDA SAORI NONAKA JUNPEI MACHIDA MIKO IINO"
[09:44] ---
    Some of them were malicious.
[09:46] ---
    Miko didn't care.
    She didn't even look disappointed.
[09:50] ---
    Or at least that's probably
    what other people thought.
[09:53] ---
    But they were wrong.
[09:56] ---
    Miko would cry
    where nobody else could see her.
[09:59] ---
    The truth is she was scared
[10:01] ---
    and would get hurt like anybody else
    when people were mean to her.
[10:05] ---
    Miko...
[10:08] ---
    Miko was just serious. She wasn't strong.
[10:11] ---
    But no one got that.
[10:15] ---
    Miko just wants to do the right thing.
[10:18] ---
    Why do they look at her like that?
[10:22] ---
    Anybody would be scared
    if people stared at them like that.
[10:38] ---
    That's enough. You're just wasting time.
[10:42] ---
    N-Not yet...
[10:44] ---
    Do you really think you'll get any votes
[10:46] ---
    with ridiculous campaign promises
    like this, Miko lino?
[10:50] ---
    Ridiculous?
[10:53] ---
    Yes, ridiculous.
[10:54] ---
    Mandatory shaved heads
    in this day and age?
[10:56] ---
    No one will go along with that.
[10:58] ---
    B-But... th-that's...
[11:04] ---
    If you object, look me in the eye
    and tell me straight out.
[11:07] ---
    I-I...
[11:11] ---
    What I'm trying to say is...
[11:19] ---
    Go ahead.
[11:23] ---
    Jeez.
[11:25] ---
    She would've self-destructed
    if he'd just left well enough alone.
[11:29] ---
    My...
[11:30] ---
    My campaign promises
    aren't ridiculous at all!
[11:37] ---
    Are you listening?
[11:39] ---
    This is a survey of the brand images
    of well-known high schools!
[11:42] ---
    The strength of Shuchiin's brand
    has been declining with each passing year!
[11:47] ---
    Oh, and you've pinpointed the cause?
[11:49] ---
    There are a number of reasons,
[11:51] ---
    but one is a strong impression
    that the students here have loose morals!
[11:54] ---
    The general public sees us
    as "spoiled brats with good grades"!
[11:58] ---
    That's what they think of us!
[12:01] ---
    Miko is saying what she wants to say
    without any trouble?
[12:01] ---
    And not only that,
[12:03] ---
    lately, we haven't been able to get cooperation
    from any community organizations for our events!
[12:07] ---
    Cooperation from community organizations?
[12:08] ---
    I see!
[12:09] ---
    Be more specific.
[12:09] ---
    It's because she's only focusing on Shirogane!
[12:11] ---
    For example, the campfire
    at the school festival!
[12:13] ---
    After our students made a nuisance
    of themselves by staying out late and littering,
[12:16] ---
    the neighborhood association stopped
    granting permission for nighttime activities!
[12:20] ---
    That's one problem caused by lax morals!
[12:23] ---
    Our local bad reputation corresponds
    with this period of relaxed school regulations.
[12:26] ---
    Rules give rise to morals!
[12:29] ---
    But making all the boys shave their heads
    because of that is going too far!
[12:33] ---
    Shaved heads are cool!
[12:35] ---
    That uniformity is stylish!
    Big round heads make my heart beat fast!
[12:39] ---
    I don't care about your fetish!
[12:41] ---
    In this information society, you never know
    what trivial problem will ruin a brand!
[12:46] ---
    In order to preserve Shuchiin's brand,
    even after we become members of society,
[12:51] ---
    we need to reform the school's image
    into a "Moral Shuchiin"!
[13:02] ---
    Where's the data showing
    that shaving your head is effective?
[13:04] ---
    There is a precedent
    that showed a decrease in tardiness!
[13:07] ---
    The reason was it took less time for the boys
    to fix their hair in the morning!
[13:11] ---
    I don't accept that alone as validity!
[13:14] ---
    In this modern world
    which esteems diversity,
[13:15] ---
    it would be difficult
    to enforce mandatory head-shaving!
[13:17] ---
    Diversity?
[13:19] ---
    Would you really lose diversity
    over a haircut?
[13:23] ---
    It wouldn't be lost but stolen.
[13:27] ---
    Although respecting the individual
    without destroying the model would be the ideal.
[13:32] ---
    To cultivate everyone's individuality,
    Shuchiin supports a variety of clubs.
[13:37] ---
    The ideal can be realized!
[13:39] ---
    Their debate has been going on
    for more than half an hour now,
[13:43] ---
    but no one is in the mood to stop them.
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTION RESULTS MIYUKI SHIROGANE MIKO IINO"
[13:49] ---
    Well, she lost the election, but...
[13:52] ---
    "SHOCK"
[13:56] ---
    Miko...
[13:57] ---
    Hey, lino...
[14:06] ---
    That was so close! I voted for you!
[14:09] ---
    You were so cool,
    holding your ground against President!
[14:12] ---
    I was moved!
[14:14] ---
    Me, too!
[14:15] ---
    There's always next year! Focus on that!
[14:17] ---
    I never knew you thought
    so much about the academy, lino!
[14:20] ---
    We have "♪rubbingshavedhead"
    trending on Instagram!
[14:28] ---
    If only you hadn't been up against Shirogane...
[14:32] ---
    Miko!
[14:34] ---
    Good for you! Good for you!
[14:37] ---
    Why are you crying?
[14:42] ---
    Jeez!
[14:44] ---
    Don't be so reckless again!
    It's bad for the heart!
[14:47] ---
    What happened to Shinomiya?
[14:50] ---
    She got a stomachache so bad
    that she couldn't stand!
[14:52] ---
    Thanks to a certain someone!
[14:54] ---
    You mean it's my fault?
[14:58] ---
    Come to think of it,
[15:00] ---
    we need someone for the financial audit
    and be in charge of general affairs.
[15:03] ---
    That's right.
[15:05] ---
    Wait a second.
[15:08] ---
    What are you thinking?
[15:08] ---
    "I WANT TO MAKE MIKO IINO SMILE"
[15:14] ---
    Shirogane was nervous when his margin
    of victory was narrower than he predicted.
[15:14] ---
    "280 VOTES 320 VOTES"
[15:15] ---
    "SO CLOSE"
[15:18] ---
    So close!
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTION RESULTS MIYUKI SHIROGANE MIKO IINO"
[15:20] ---
    He did it!
[15:21] ---
    Kaguya, he's the president again!
[15:25] ---
    When he went on stage earlier,
    I thought I'd get an ulcer, but...
SIGN    "PAIN PAIN"
[15:26] ---
    "KAGUYA ISN'T GETTING CALLED"
[15:29] ---
    I wasn't particularly worried.
[15:32] ---
    Maybe that's true,
[15:34] ---
    but let's see a little genuine happiness!
[15:40] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[15:46] ---
    There, there. It's okay.
[15:49] ---
    You really were nervous, huh? Poor thing.
[15:53] ---
    That's not it.
[15:55] ---
    I know you haven't been sleeping well
    these past few nights.
[16:00] ---
    You worked so hard.
[16:03] ---
    So, now you can lean on me
    as long as you like--
[16:03] ---
    Kaguya!
[16:07] ---
    K-Kaguya?
[16:09] ---
    Is it your stomach?
    Is your stomach acting up on you?
[16:15] ---
    This was the result
    of fair and square fight.
[16:17] ---
    So, don't hold a grudge against me.
[16:19] ---
    Don't be ridiculous.
[16:20] ---
    If you hadn't interrupted me then, President,
[16:24] ---
    I wouldn't have been able to get out
    anything that I wanted to say.
[16:27] ---
    I can't thank you enough.
[16:30] ---
    But...
[16:32] ---
    ...that doesn't look like a grateful face.
[16:34] ---
    She's grateful, but frustrated, too.
[16:35] ---
    "HMPH..."
[16:38] ---
    Well, that aside,
[16:40] ---
    would you two be interested
    in joining the student council?
[16:45] ---
    If you still plan to run for president,
[16:48] ---
    it would be a good idea
    to get hands-on experience.
[16:50] ---
    So, if that's the case, then...
[16:52] ---
    Not for me.
[16:54] ---
    To be honest, I'm not interested
    in the student council.
[16:57] ---
    Really?
[16:58] ---
    I just wanted to support Miko.
[17:01] ---
    Of course, I won't insist or anything.
[17:05] ---
    How about you, Miko?
[17:08] ---
    Nobody has ever invited me
    to join the student council before.
[17:15] ---
    Please give me a little time to think about it.
[17:18] ---
    Okay.
[17:19] ---
    If you decide to do it,
    come to the student council room tomorrow.
[17:22] ---
    You'll be welcome there.
[17:28] ---
    By the way,
[17:29] ---
    you've got two people fidgeting behind you.
[17:33] ---
    Is something wrong?
[17:34] ---
    N-No. Um...
[17:35] ---
    "FIDGET FIDGET"
[17:37] ---
    We were wondering about the other positions.
[17:40] ---
    I mean...
[17:42] ---
    Uh...
[17:43] ---
    We're nervous
    that you won't choose us again.
[17:46] ---
    Since we both have
    dysfunctional personalities.
[17:49] ---
    "STRONG AGREEMENT!!"
[17:49] ---
    I agree!
[17:50] ---
    What on earth are you talking about,
    Secretary Fujiwara?
[17:54] ---
    You, too, Treasurer Ishigami.
[17:56] ---
    Our first job as the new student council...
[17:59] ---
    ...is putting away the chairs in the gym.
[18:05] ---
    Right!
[18:05] ---
    Right!
[18:13] ---
    Why hasn't President come to check on me?
[18:18] ---
    When he heard that I'd fainted,
[18:19] ---
    shouldn't he have dropped everything
    and come running to take care of me?
[18:22] ---
    Well, President's first job
    is cleaning up after the election.
[18:28] ---
    Maybe President doesn't intend to let me
    be a part of the student council!
[18:29] ---
    "TEARY-EYED..."
[18:32] ---
    I swear, your mental state
    holds sway over your physical condition.
[18:36] ---
    What are you so nervous about?
[18:38] ---
    After all, you know my personality.
[18:41] ---
    Maybe President realized I had a hand
    in the other candidate dropping out.
[18:47] ---
    And that I pestered several clubs
    into voting for him.
[18:51] ---
    He may even know that the members
    of the election committee are my puppets!
[18:53] ---
    "SOB SOB"
[18:55] ---
    You did all that?
[18:57] ---
    I mean, he only ran
    because I asked him to!
[19:01] ---
    I made up my mind to do everything
    I could to get him reelected.
[19:05] ---
    That's only logical, right?
[19:08] ---
    Well, if the end result
    of doing all of that stuff is paranoia,
[19:11] ---
    I don't know what to say.
[19:14] ---
    In the end, I'm just a horrible girl
    who relied on foul play.
[19:17] ---
    I can't blame him if he doesn't want me
    on the student council.
[19:20] ---
    But of course I can blame him!
    I can't stand it!
[19:23] ---
    In the first place, it's like he threw the votes
    we scrounged up out the window!
[19:27] ---
    It's as much as to say
    that he didn't care about all my hard work!
[19:31] ---
    Jeez!
[19:33] ---
    He's like a typical worthless husband whose
    wife works hard at a part-time job every night,
[19:36] ---
    but he just takes her money and uses it
    for drinking, gambling and prostitutes!
[19:39] ---
    And he calls me his wife?
[19:43] ---
    It's okay.
[19:44] ---
    He wouldn't have you do his speech
[19:46] ---
    if he didn't mean for you
    to be a part of the student council.
[19:48] ---
    Women like me get used all the time!
    Used up and then discarded! Beyond cruel!
[19:53] ---
    Anxious one second, furious the next.
[19:55] ---
    You're hopeless.
[19:56] ---
    I thought President liked me.
[20:01] ---
    I thought he was nice to me
    because I was special to him.
[20:04] ---
    But he's nice to everyone.
[20:08] ---
    He'll lend a helping aid to anyone.
[20:11] ---
    I was never special.
[20:18] ---
    If you have that much you want to say,
    go ahead and say it to the person himself.
[20:24] ---
    Shinomiya, how do you feel?
[20:27] ---
    Sorry.
[20:30] ---
    Cleaning up took a long time.
[20:38] ---
    Are you angry at me?
[20:41] ---
    I mean, after you guys helped me
    and then I acted on impulse...
[20:46] ---
    I feel bad about that.
[20:49] ---
    But I acted because of you
    and the others, Shinomiya.
[20:54] ---
    With you and them there,
    I felt like I couldn't just be a spectator.
[21:00] ---
    I can't do anything by myself.
[21:02] ---
    On the other hand, when you
    and the others are around,
[21:04] ---
    I feel like I can do anything.
[21:07] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:09] ---
    Be the vice president.
[21:11] ---
    I need you!
[21:26] ---
    All right!
[21:34] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[21:36] ---
    He gives you special treatment.
[21:54] ---
    Okay!
[21:56] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[21:56] ---
    The election business is behind us!
[21:59] ---
    Time to get back to work!
[22:03] ---
    We've got sports day, the school festival,
    and the school trip after New Year's!
[22:07] ---
    Our second term is going to be busy!
[22:08] ---
    So let's go all out
    as the new student council!
[22:10] ---
    Right!
[22:15] ---
    The result of this election...
[22:17] ---
    Shirogane's camp wins.
[22:21] ---
    Note.
[22:22] ---
    They gain a new member.

Season 2 - Love is War?

E7 - Kaguya Wants to Undress Him

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    "UNDERWEAR!!"
[00:01] ---
    Underwear!
[00:02] ---
    The fabric that conceals private parts
    is an unexplored region for the opposite sex.
[00:07] ---
    It's a sanctuary one rarely gets to see.
[00:11] ---
    Some people have an underwear fetish.
[00:14] ---
    Just the sight of this material
    is gratifying for them.
[00:25] ---
    Hey, Ishigami!
[00:26] ---
    Please save that kind of thing
    for when you get back home!
[00:29] ---
    What were you about to do, Ishigami?
[00:35] ---
    You've got the wrong idea!
[00:37] ---
    The P.E. teacher made me put stuff away
    after class, so I didn't have time to change.
[00:42] ---
    That makes sense.
[00:43] ---
    I'm sorry for suspecting you
    of doing something inappropriate.
[00:46] ---
    You should be.
[00:47] ---
    But...
[00:49] ---
    I see.
[00:51] ---
    "SMIRK SMIRK"
[00:51] ---
    So, you're a briefs man, Ishigami.
[00:54] ---
    Pervert.
[00:57] ---
    That comeback lacked bite!
[01:00] ---
    Weak tea!
[01:01] ---
    Where'd you put your usual
    verbal switchblade, huh?
[01:04] ---
    What's wrong with wearing briefs?
[01:07] ---
    I like how they keep me nice and snug!
[01:09] ---
    It's not like I'm mocking you,
[01:09] ---
    "SMIRK SMIRK"
[01:11] ---
    but if you want to be snug as a bug,
    boxer briefs would do you fine.
[01:14] ---
    Here we go! Another boxer supremacist!
[01:17] ---
    You girls think boxer briefs are sexy
    because they showcase a guy's rear end!
[01:21] ---
    But any dude who'd wear flimsy underpants
    to impress girls is a flimsy human being!
[01:26] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[01:29] ---
    Are you listening?
[01:30] ---
    All guys who wear boxer briefs are man whores!
[01:35] ---
    These underpants make them man whores!
[01:37] ---
    What's a "man whore"?
[01:39] ---
    Okay, Siri. Search "meaning of man whore."
[01:47] ---
    People who wear boxer briefs are...
[03:20] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO UNDRESS HIM"
[03:26] ---
    President is pretty popular with girls.
    It wouldn't be surprising
[03:30] ---
    if he had that kind of physical relationship
    with some of them, unbeknownst to me.
[03:35] ---
    I don't believe he's immoral like that...
[03:39] ---
    ...but I'd like to confirm it!
[03:45] ---
    I have to get a glance
    at President's underpants!
[03:49] ---
    If I spill tea on his slacks...
[03:55] ---
    I'm sorry!
[03:56] ---
    Take your slacks off.
    I'll dry them for you.
[04:00] ---
    Yay! I saw his underpants!
[04:03] ---
    I'm just a pervert!
[04:05] ---
    No, it's not like I have some prurient desire
    to see his underwear!
[04:10] ---
    Maybe I should just ask him outright.
[04:13] ---
    It seems like I'm perverted
    because I was trying to come up with a strategy.
[04:16] ---
    But apparently, people even exchange
    presents of underwear these days.
[04:20] ---
    If I ask him nonchalantly,
    he'll probably answer without blinking an eye.
[04:24] ---
    "BREWING TEA"
[04:25] ---
    Nonchalantly.
[04:27] ---
    Naturally.
[04:31] ---
    Have some tea.
[04:32] ---
    Thank you.
[04:34] ---
    What kind of tea do you like, President?
[04:38] ---
    Darjeeling or uva.
[04:40] ---
    I see. So you like refreshing things?
[04:43] ---
    Incidentally, what kind of underwear
    do you prefer?
[04:46] ---
    Oh, what kind of underwear?
[04:50] ---
    Well, let me think.
[04:52] ---
    Underwear that's too simple bores me.
[04:55] ---
    Something that's kind of colorful
    is more my style.
[05:00] ---
    Underwear?
[05:01] ---
    What is this about?
[05:05] ---
    I've heard of this.
[05:06] ---
    When a couple is especially close,
    the male requests particular panties!
[05:10] ---
    "REQUESTING PANTIES"
[05:10] ---
    Shirogane misinterpreted.
[05:13] ---
    What'll happen if I answer her?
    Would she wear them?
[05:16] ---
    Shinomiya, would you wear
    the lacy black panties I like?
[05:19] ---
    And then what? Would she tell me?
[05:23] ---
    I'm wearing your favorite pair today,
    President.
[05:27] ---
    No.
[05:29] ---
    I've got to think this through.
[05:31] ---
    The crux of the matter isn't
    whether I like black panties or not.
[05:35] ---
    It's making a request for panties
    that doesn't sound creepy!
[05:39] ---
    If I just blurt out here
    that I like black panties...
[05:42] ---
    How dirty.
[05:44] ---
    It's normal!
    Comparatively average and wholesome!
[05:47] ---
    In that case, I should choose something that's
    comfortable for women, with a lot of fabric!
[05:52] ---
    "NOT A CREEPY ANSWER!!"
[05:52] ---
    "WARM AND LOOSE"
[05:52] ---
    Panties like this!
[05:55] ---
    They're not sexy at all,
[05:56] ---
    but having Shinomiya wear any panties
    that I choose is hot!
[06:02] ---
    Good question.
[06:03] ---
    I don't know what they're called, but...
[06:05] ---
    ...they have a lot of material, are thin,
    and tight-fitting like pants.
[06:11] ---
    They have a lot of material, are thin,
    and tight-fitting like pants.
[06:15] ---
    Tight-fitting...
[06:20] ---
    "THEY'RE BOXER (PLAYBOY) BRIEFS!"
[06:20] ---
    They're boxer briefs!
[06:24] ---
    Hello.
[06:26] ---
    P-President is a man whore!
[06:31] ---
    Even though I had faith in him!
    How could he do this?
[06:33] ---
    No, Shinomiya!
[06:35] ---
    That was just a joke!
[06:37] ---
    The truth is I like black panties!
[06:44] ---
    J-Just when I thought
    he might be a decent person...
[06:48] ---
    Animal.
[06:50] ---
    I-It's not what you're thinking, lino!
[06:55] ---
    I-I'm not wearing black panties!
[06:58] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[06:59] ---
    So don't attack me!
[07:02] ---
    I would never attack you!
[07:05] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:07] ---
    "SHIROGANE (A BOXER MAN) LOSES"
[07:08] ---
    Shirogane loses.
SIGN    "He quit wearing briefs that very same day"
SIGN    "That'll be 2,592 yen, please"
[07:15] ---
    President, I'm sorry
    for my weird accusation the other day.
[07:17] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS
    TO MAKE HIM LET GO"
[07:19] ---
    There's no need to apologize again.
[07:22] ---
    I knew it had to be based
    on some misunderstanding.
[07:25] ---
    Don't let me off the hook that easily.
[07:28] ---
    You always seem so tired.
[07:32] ---
    So let me make it up to you.
[07:34] ---
    "FLASH"
[07:35] ---
    Please allow me to give you a hand massage.
[07:38] ---
    A massage?
[07:40] ---
    A hand massage!
[07:42] ---
    The World Health Organization
    defines it as a therapeutic method
[07:44] ---
    in which therapists stimulate
    acupuncture and reflex points.
[07:47] ---
    It has an effect on every part
    of the human body.
[07:51] ---
    However...
[07:52] ---
    Kaguya doesn't have his health in mind.
[07:55] ---
    A way to stop men from cheating?
[07:59] ---
    Whatever President does and whom
    he does it with, it wouldn't be cheating.
[08:04] ---
    But men instinctively want to have sex
    with multiple women.
[08:07] ---
    Se...
[08:08] ---
    "Scientifically speaking
    about hormones"
[08:08] ---
    Still, there are hormones
    that can suppress such desires.
[08:12] ---
    That's what I'm talking about!
[08:13] ---
    How do I get him to secrete that?
[08:15] ---
    Quite a bit is produced after having sex.
[08:17] ---
    Se...
[08:18] ---
    If the only way to keep him from having se...
    is by making him have se... What's the point?
[08:23] ---
    You should have "se" with him, Lady Kaguya.
[08:26] ---
    I most certainly will not!
    And don't imitate me!
[08:28] ---
    Anyway, I hate dirty stuff!
[08:31] ---
    Then, why don't you give him a massage?
[08:34] ---
    Physical contact encourages the secretion
    of prevent-men-from-cheating hormones,
[08:37] ---
    and a virtuous cycle is produced with more
    love hormones synthesized. In other words...
[08:42] ---
    ...positive feedback!
[08:44] ---
    "THE FORMATION OF LOVE"
[08:46] ---
    It's a clever plan that serves as an apology
    for her abusive language,
[08:48] ---
    keeps Shirogane from cheating,
    and even acquires his love.
[08:54] ---
    Is she plotting something?
[08:57] ---
    But...
[08:58] ---
    ...if I get to touch Shinomiya's hands...
[09:01] ---
    All right.
[09:09] ---
    "SQUEEZE"
[09:10] ---
    Her hands are so soft and small.
[09:17] ---
    This is...
[09:18] ---
    ...really...
[09:20] ---
    ...pain...
[09:22] ---
    painful!
[09:24] ---
    Are you trying to punch holes?
[09:27] ---
    "STAB"
[09:29] ---
    Huge amounts of stress hormones,
    such as beta-endorphins and cortisol,
[09:33] ---
    are being secreted in Shirogane's brain!
[09:35] ---
    His body is emitting danger signals!
    On the other hand...
[09:40] ---
    President has such big hands.
[09:43] ---
    And they're warm. I kind of feel...
[09:45] ---
    Large amounts of oxytocin and vasopressin
    are being secreted in Kaguya's brain.
[09:49] ---
    An endless stream of love
    gushes forth from her mind.
[09:53] ---
    What is this feeling?
[09:55] ---
    It feels so good,
    I wish this moment lasted forever.
[10:00] ---
    Get it over with already!
[10:02] ---
    I like this.
[10:06] ---
    Maybe most kids have given
    their parents a shoulder massage,
[10:10] ---
    but I've never had the chance
    to do anything like that, so...
[10:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[10:15] ---
    I see.
[10:16] ---
    She's never done anything as common as that.
[10:21] ---
    From now on, I'll help her learn various--
[10:25] ---
    She's killing me!
[10:29] ---
    It must've been some misunderstanding
    the other day.
[10:32] ---
    I can't believe those two are...
[10:37] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[10:41] ---
    I'll do your back next.
[10:42] ---
    No, no!
[10:42] ---
    Hello...
[10:44] ---
    I'll make you feel even better.
[10:46] ---
    Go on, take off your belt.
[10:48] ---
    W-Wait, Shinomiya!
[10:50] ---
    Don't be like that. Let me do it.
[10:51] ---
    No, if I feel any better
    than this, I'll die!
[10:57] ---
    Iino...
[10:58] ---
    In the sacred student council room...
[11:02] ---
    No... Animals!
[11:04] ---
    Would you like to join us, lino?
[11:07] ---
    I'm a novice, so...
[11:10] ---
    I would only get in your way!
[11:15] ---
    Today's battle result...
[11:17] ---
    "SHIROGANE WINS
    (HIS SHOULDERS ARE MUCH LOOSER NOW)"
[11:17] ---
    Shirogane wins.
SIGN    "SPIN SPIN" "It was painful, but she definitely has talent"
[11:22] ---
    My shoulders feel light...
[11:28] ---
    What's wrong, Kei?
[11:29] ---
    Did something happen at school?
[11:31] ---
    No!
[11:32] ---
    I can't stop crying over this manga!
[11:34] ---
    "I'LL GO WITH SWEET TODAY"
[11:36] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO MAKE HER READ"
[11:36] ---
    Oh, just manga.
[11:39] ---
    Instead of looking down on me,
    you should read it for yourself!
[11:41] ---
    Bet you anything you'll cry, too!
[11:42] ---
    Yeah, right.
[11:44] ---
    I'm a second-year high school student.
    As if I'd cry over manga...
[11:51] ---
    There, you see? It's a real tearjerker!
[11:53] ---
    Dummy! I can't turn off the waterworks!
[11:55] ---
    It makes you want to fall in love, right?
[11:57] ---
    I totally want to fall in love!
[12:05] ---
    That made me want to be in love so much
[12:08] ---
    that I might slip up and confess
    my feelings to Shinomiya tomorrow!
[12:10] ---
    That's it!
[12:12] ---
    Throb! I want to fall in love, too!
[12:15] ---
    Go out with me, President!
    Let's have a shojo manga-like romance!
[12:20] ---
    It'll work!
[12:26] ---
    You read this kind of stuff, too, President?
[12:28] ---
    Yeah.
[12:30] ---
    I read it on my little sister's
    recommendation,
[12:32] ---
    and it was so moving that it made me cry.
[12:36] ---
    Well, I read my share of manga,
[12:39] ---
    so I can usually predict the plot twists.
[12:41] ---
    It's so boring when I realize
    they're setting up a weepy scene.
[12:45] ---
    Here we go. The tearful development.
[12:47] ---
    Cheap trick.
[12:49] ---
    This leaves me cold.
    They're practically begging you to cry.
[12:56] ---
    Obvious...
[12:59] ---
    "DRIP DRIP"
[12:59] ---
    Even though it's so obvious,
[13:01] ---
    they got me!
[13:03] ---
    There, you see? It's a tearjerker!
[13:05] ---
    I can't stop crying!
[13:06] ---
    It makes you want to fall in love, right?
[13:08] ---
    I wanna fall hopelessly in love!
[13:11] ---
    But where can I find someone?
[13:14] ---
    I smelled love talk coming from here!
[13:16] ---
    "GLANCE GLANCE"
[13:17] ---
    Who is it? Who is it?
    Who's in the throes of love?
[13:19] ---
    No one is.
[13:21] ---
    We were just talking about this manga.
[13:22] ---
    "Go Sweet"!
[13:25] ---
    Just looking at the cover
    gets me teary-eyed!
[13:27] ---
    Isn't it great?
[13:29] ---
    I'm so into it that I bought a digital copy
    of the whole series!
[13:32] ---
    Maybe I'll get the whole series, too.
[13:35] ---
    Is it that interesting?
[13:37] ---
    It's one of the best series I've ever read!
[13:40] ---
    Well, if we're just going
    by the tearjerker element,
[13:43] ---
    I have to admit
    it's one of the best I've read in years.
[13:47] ---
    Ishigami, do I know you?
[13:49] ---
    You could call me "a manga columnist."
[13:52] ---
    She took the bait! Just as planned!
[13:55] ---
    The recommendation solicitation plan!
[13:57] ---
    It's embarrassing for a boy
    to admit he reads shojo manga.
[14:01] ---
    But if everyone recommends it,
[14:03] ---
    eventually word of mouth
    will reach the target, Kaguya.
[14:06] ---
    With this roundabout strategy,
    he can maintain his position
[14:08] ---
    of "Yeah, it's not bad"
    and "I figured you guys would like this,"
[14:11] ---
    while getting Kaguya to read this manga
[14:13] ---
    that tugs on the heartstrings.
[14:15] ---
    You should read it, too, Kaguya!
[14:20] ---
    No, thanks anyway.
[14:22] ---
    I'm not into manga.
[14:26] ---
    Shinomiya, consider it as studying.
[14:28] ---
    I don't think reading one manga series
    in your life would be a bad idea.
[14:30] ---
    Exactly!
[14:33] ---
    What's the story about?
[14:38] ---
    The main character is a girl
    who doesn't trust anyone.
[14:39] ---
    "I can't trust anyone anymore"
[14:41] ---
    Then, a boy with a nasty mouth
    transfers to her school.
[14:43] ---
    "Hey, let me carry that bag for you"
[14:45] ---
    But it turns out the boy has a terminal
    illness, and he dies near the end!
[14:49] ---
    Don't blab!
[14:51] ---
    You never blurt out spoilers like that!
[14:54] ---
    Silence this spoiler girl!
[14:55] ---
    I'm sorry! It just slipped out!
[14:56] ---
    Roger!
[14:58] ---
    Pipe down!
[14:59] ---
    Not another word!
[15:02] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[15:07] ---
    It doesn't sound
    the least bit interesting to me.
[15:09] ---
    Well, with this kind of thing,
    it's how the story builds up.
[15:13] ---
    An anorexic girl who doesn't trust anyone...
[15:17] ---
    ...makes friends for the first time
    and experiences human warmth.
[15:22] ---
    That's right!
    Near the beginning!
[15:23] ---
    Ever since her parents
    tried to poison her,
[15:26] ---
    all she eats is canned food.
[15:28] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
    In the middle.
[15:30] ---
    Those flashback scenes with her surviving on
    crackers and diet supplements are heartbreaking!
[15:35] ---
    But the curry her boyfriend makes for her
    right before he dies...
[15:38] ---
    Timidly, she takes a bite.
[15:41] ---
    And then, she says...
[15:45] ---
    "It's sweet!"
[15:45] ---
    "It's sweet!"
[15:48] ---
    That last chapter had me bawling!
[15:51] ---
    Wasn't it great?
[15:52] ---
    It's not fair that the curry didn't appear
    until the very end!
[15:55] ---
    I know, right?
[15:56] ---
    "GROWL GROWL"
[15:57] ---
    "GROWL GROWL" "BANG"
[16:03] ---
    I have no idea what they're saying.
[16:06] ---
    Fujiwara!
[16:11] ---
    I came to rescue you.
[16:12] ---
    Today's battle result...
[16:14] ---
    Shirogane, Ishigami, and Fujiwara lose.
[16:17] ---
    This is what happens at the end?
[16:18] ---
    And Miko loses, too.
SIGN    "SNIFF SNIFF"
SIGN    "Aaah! I want to fall in love like this, too!"
[17:56] ---
    This is Shuchiin Academy,
    a prestigious educational institution.
[18:00] ---
    My name is Kaguya Shinomiya,
    and I'm an ordinary girl.
[18:04] ---
    I'm the vice president
    of the student council, but...
[18:09] ---
    Ow...
[18:10] ---
    Shinomiya...
[18:14] ---
    Are you hurt?
[18:18] ---
    I had a feeling you were about to show up,
[18:21] ---
    and sure enough...
[18:23] ---
    What does that mean?
[18:25] ---
    Pudding.
[18:26] ---
    A snack from the principal himself.
[18:28] ---
    Shall we enjoy it together?
[18:31] ---
    You have a weakness for pudding, don't you?
[18:36] ---
    My heart is beating so fast
    that I can't even look them in the eye!
[18:37] ---
    "CONFESSION"
[18:40] ---
    "KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR SYNDROME"
[18:43] ---
    The handsome and brilliant student council
    president had a crush on Kaguya,
[18:47] ---
    so he forced her
    to join the student council.
SIGN    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT"
SIGN    "Adored by the student body. Always cool and collected, but enigmatic."
[18:51] ---
    Both of the quirky and good-looking members
    are interested in Kaguya,
[18:55] ---
    but she's becoming
    more and more fond of President!
SIGN    "YU ISHIGAMI STUDENT COUNCIL TREASURER"
SIGN    "A computer geek with a supposedly dark past..."
[19:04] ---
    Kaguya uses all kinds
    of mischievous romantic techniques
[19:08] ---
    to get the boy she loves to ask her out!
[19:18] ---
    What should I do?
[19:20] ---
    President looks more handsome
    than ever today!
[19:23] ---
    In fact, so does Ishigami!
[19:27] ---
    This doesn't make sense!
[19:29] ---
    Shojo manga brain.
[19:31] ---
    A strange mood pervades the student council.
    And the cause is this shojo manga.
[19:34] ---
    "I'LL GO WITH SWEET TODAY"
[19:37] ---
    As a result,
[19:38] ---
    the longing to fall in love has clumped
    together in the student council room.
[19:41] ---
    It's an outbreak
    of shojo manga brain syndrome.
[19:44] ---
    Even the narrator has gone goofy!
[19:46] ---
    I have to do something
    to get things back to normal here!
[19:49] ---
    I've got it!
[19:51] ---
    Oh, there's an envelope in the box.
[19:56] ---
    A pair of tickets to an aquarium?
[19:58] ---
    Are they from the principal?
[20:01] ---
    I love aquariums!
[20:03] ---
    There are a lot of animals,
    and it's so romantic!
[20:06] ---
    But...
[20:08] ---
    There are only two tickets.
[20:13] ---
    I slipped them in there!
[20:15] ---
    I'm sure President wants to go with me.
[20:17] ---
    Certainly, two boys wouldn't go
    to the aquarium together.
[20:21] ---
    Ishigami is scared of me,
[20:24] ---
    Two tickets...
[20:25] ---
    so there's no way he'd want to go together.
[20:27] ---
    Then, shall we go together, Shinomiya?
[20:31] ---
    After you helped me study,
    I owe you a debt of gratitude.
[20:36] ---
    I know quite a bit about fish,
    so I could use this opportunity to teach you.
[20:40] ---
    My teaching techniques...
[20:42] ---
    ...are awesome.
[20:45] ---
    Thump!
[20:47] ---
    The first time he's looked me in the eyes,
    and it has to be now? It's not fair!
[20:51] ---
    Not so fast, Ishigami.
[20:53] ---
    Maybe fish are your specialty. However...
[20:58] ---
    ...no one knows more about penguins than me.
[20:59] ---
    Thump!
[21:00] ---
    You like penguins?
[21:02] ---
    Yeah.
[21:03] ---
    I go so often that I remember
    their keepers' names.
[21:09] ---
    I'll tell you the romance
    of these birds that cannot fly.
[21:13] ---
    From A to Z.
[21:15] ---
    Thump!
[21:16] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:19] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:21] ---
    Whom do you choose, me or Ishigami?
[21:27] ---
    Jeez...
[21:33] ---
    I'm drowning...
[21:35] ---
    ...in their feelings.
[21:37] ---
    Move it!
[21:39] ---
    I'm as strong as Yokozuna, right?
[21:41] ---
    I went to see sumo wrestling yesterday.
[21:43] ---
    You should've seen the upward strike!
[21:45] ---
    And when one guy was dancing
    around the ring, his opponent went whap!
[21:46] ---
    "WHAP"
[21:48] ---
    Sorry, I don't know anything
    about sumo.
[21:50] ---
    You should, it's great!
[21:52] ---
    Pudding!
[21:54] ---
    Can I have one? Can I?
[21:56] ---
    Go ahead.
[21:56] ---
    President hid the tickets.
[21:58] ---
    Because he doesn't want
    Miss Fujiwara to know about it?
[22:01] ---
    He hasn't given up on going
    to the aquarium with me yet.
[22:06] ---
    Jeez!
[22:07] ---
    If he does that,
    I'm going to get my hopes up!
[22:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[22:16] ---
    Your face is red.
[22:19] ---
    Do you feel under the weather?
[22:21] ---
    His face is too close!
[22:23] ---
    If you don't feel well,
    maybe you should go to the infirmary.
[22:25] ---
    Jeez! Why are you so nice to me today?
[22:29] ---
    Do you have a fever?
[22:32] ---
    I'll take her to the infirmary.
[22:35] ---
    Don't bother.
[22:36] ---
    Please stay here
    and eat your pudding, President.
[22:39] ---
    No, I'll go.
[22:40] ---
    No, I will.
[22:42] ---
    I will.
[22:43] ---
    I will.
[22:45] ---
    Stop it already!
[22:46] ---
    Your passion is even affecting me.
[22:50] ---
    I'm melting like the pudding.
[22:54] ---
    Urp!
[22:56] ---
    I'm done with the pudding,
    so I'll take you to the infirmary.
[22:59] ---
    No, I'm perfectly fine.
[23:01] ---
    Really?
[23:03] ---
    I don't have a fever.
[23:05] ---
    Let's go, Shinomiya.
[23:07] ---
    The school nurse doesn't charge.
[23:09] ---
    President!
[23:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[23:17] ---
    Wanna go to the aquarium?
[23:20] ---
    No. I don't have to go.
[23:25] ---
    After all...
[23:31] ---
    ...for me, this place is an aquarium.
[23:40] ---
    She turned me down?
[23:42] ---
    I don't really understand
    her reason for saying no!
[23:47] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:49] ---
    "REASON FOR LOSING:
    THIS IS AN AQUARIUM."
[23:49] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[23:52] ---
    "KAGUYA <3 AQUARIUM"
[23:53] ---
    I thought two men coming here
    together would just be sad,
[23:56] ---
    but it's actually pretty fun, huh?

Season 2 - Love is War?

E8 - Miko Iino Wants to Control Herself

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    The new student council convenes!
[01:32] ---
    "PRESIDENT"
[01:33] ---
    "VICE PRESIDENT"
[01:33] ---
    Former student council members
    are reprising their previous positions.
[01:34] ---
    "TREASURER" "ONLY HANDS"
[01:35] ---
    "SECRETARY"
[01:36] ---
    With the addition of Miko lino
    as the financial auditor,
[01:39] ---
    this newly-formed student council...
[01:40] ---
    "FINANCIAL AUDITOR"
[01:43] ---
    ...is a toxic environment.
[01:46] ---
    One blatantly breaks school regulations.
[01:48] ---
    Others commit unspeakable acts
    in the student council room!
[01:52] ---
    This is intolerable!
[01:53] ---
    Do you realize you're representatives
    of this academy?
[01:58] ---
    Please learn from Fujiwara's example!
[02:02] ---
    Fujiwara broke school rules, too.
[02:05] ---
    "Go Sweet"!
[02:07] ---
    Fujiwara is an artist, so it's different.
    It could help develop her artistic skill.
[02:09] ---
    "MIKO IINO WANTS
    TO CONTROL HERSELF"
[02:12] ---
    So, you make allowances for her?
[02:14] ---
    Besides...
[02:15] ---
    President is the one
    who brought the manga in!
[02:17] ---
    Instead of setting a good example
    for everyone, you're undisciplined!
[02:20] ---
    Do better!
[02:23] ---
    Iino, a moment?
[02:26] ---
    Being a first-year newcomer here,
    you may not understand,
[02:29] ---
    but President's conduct
    always sets a good example for us.
[02:33] ---
    I don't accept your assessment.
[02:35] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[02:35] ---
    Does a "good example" engage in that kind
    of behavior in the student council room?
[02:39] ---
    I'd call that nothing less
    than an extreme lack of common sense.
[02:42] ---
    That was a misunderstanding.
[02:44] ---
    No matter how much
    you two like each other,
[02:46] ---
    choose a more appropriate
    time and place to display it!
[02:48] ---
    We like each other?
[02:50] ---
    I-Is that what it looks like?
[02:53] ---
    Yes, it does!
    You're taking your love too far!
[02:56] ---
    Taking our love too far...
[02:57] ---
    She really is a good girl!
[02:59] ---
    In any case, the next time someone
    misbehaves, I'll use my authority
[03:02] ---
    as a member of the Disciplinary Committee
    to crack down on you, no questions asked!
[03:06] ---
    Iino, do you realize
    you only make enemies that way?
[03:10] ---
    I don't care if you're a stickler for the rules.
[03:13] ---
    But what you don't get is the people
    you're cracking down on have feelings, too.
[03:17] ---
    Not bothering to consider
    their feelings or even listen to--
[03:19] ---
    Shut up. I don't want to hear it
    from you, Ishigami.
[03:23] ---
    But if people who are scolded feel like they're
    not being heard, they won't listen, either.
[03:28] ---
    If you don't consider their feelings...
[03:31] ---
    Yes. You're right.
[03:34] ---
    I was saying the same thing.
[03:37] ---
    Sometimes strict.
[03:39] ---
    Sometimes soft.
[03:41] ---
    It's important to have a balance
    when you're reprimanding people.
[03:44] ---
    I see.
[03:45] ---
    Okay, Miko!
[03:46] ---
    To practice being nice, you can't get angry
    for the next hour no matter what!
[03:51] ---
    I can't get angry?
[03:53] ---
    That's right! Do your best to grin
    and bear it! We'll practice together!
[03:53] ---
    She's already started playing
    with her junior classmate.
[03:56] ---
    That's the face of someone
    who's just been given a new toy.
[03:57] ---
    "GRIN"
[03:59] ---
    If you insist, Fujiwara... All right.
[04:03] ---
    Okay, Ishigami!
[04:05] ---
    She won't get mad at anyone,
    so you're free to do as you please!
[04:08] ---
    As I please?
[04:10] ---
    I don't know what you mean.
[04:16] ---
    Free to do as I please
    is no different than usual.
[04:19] ---
    Feet on the table...
[04:21] ---
    Miko, you can't get mad!
    Stay on an even keel!
[04:25] ---
    It looks like he's taking something out.
[04:27] ---
    "POTATO CHIPS"
[04:28] ---
    C-Cola and potato chips!
[04:33] ---
    Ishigami's feast has begun! He's doing
    as he pleases right from the get-go!
[04:41] ---
    Now he's playing a videogame!
[04:46] ---
    U-Unbelievable!
[04:48] ---
    He hooked it up to the TV!
[04:50] ---
    You can't get mad!
[04:52] ---
    This is a trial.
[04:53] ---
    It's only making me madder!
[04:56] ---
    In that case...
[04:58] ---
    ...maybe you should try
    breaking a school rule, Miko!
[05:03] ---
    We're allowed to use phones to make
    an important call or look something up,
[05:07] ---
    but we can't use apps or social media
    other than for studying, right?
[05:11] ---
    Yes.
[05:13] ---
    Hold on a second.
[05:16] ---
    Ta-da!
[05:17] ---
    Let's take pictures with all kinds of apps,
    decorate them and then post on Instagram!
[05:21] ---
    I-I've never done that before.
[05:26] ---
    Miko, unless you sample
    breaking the rules yourself,
[05:28] ---
    you'll never understand
    the feelings of rule-breakers!
[05:30] ---
    That's a must.
[05:33] ---
    If you insist, Fujiwara.
[05:35] ---
    Which one is President?
[05:36] ---
    The guy in the pointy green hat.
[05:41] ---
    That's so cute, Miko! Look this way!
[05:45] ---
    Tilt your head up and look over here!
[05:47] ---
    Super cute!
[05:49] ---
    You have no idea
    how cute you are, Miko!
[05:53] ---
    Throwing the shell in the air is no fair.
[05:55] ---
    It's a technique.
[05:57] ---
    Now, let's have a shot of all the girls!
[05:59] ---
    You, too, Kaguya!
[06:01] ---
    No, I'll pass.
[06:03] ---
    Don't be a stick-in-the-mud!
[06:07] ---
    Okay!
[06:08] ---
    Say cheese!
[06:13] ---
    Something's missing.
[06:15] ---
    I know! Let's make weird faces!
    The weirdest!
[06:19] ---
    A weird face?
[06:19] ---
    A weird face?
[06:21] ---
    I can't! Not with President watching!
[06:24] ---
    A banana!
[06:25] ---
    He isn't paying attention at all!
[06:28] ---
    Okay, here we go!
[06:34] ---
    "PUFF" "GLARE"
[06:35] ---
    That sucks. Are you two like models
    who are afraid to be anything but cute?
[06:38] ---
    A weird face is like...
[06:40] ---
    This! Now this is a weird face!
[06:42] ---
    "BLEAH"
[06:42] ---
    Nyaaah!
[06:42] ---
    Forget it!
[06:44] ---
    "SQUEEZE SQUEEZE"
[06:44] ---
    L-Like this?
[06:47] ---
    That's cute!
[06:48] ---
    It's cute?
[06:49] ---
    Certainly, if I look closely and squint,
    I can't say she's not cute.
[06:56] ---
    I'm aware that I'm unfamiliar
    with youth culture, but...
[06:59] ---
    Really? This kind of thing
    passes for cute these days?
[07:04] ---
    L-Like this?
[07:06] ---
    Cute!
[07:07] ---
    Is it really cute?
[07:08] ---
    Super cute!
[07:10] ---
    Really?
[07:11] ---
    It's like vying for second
    place of the cutest I've ever seen you!
[07:14] ---
    It looks that cute.
[07:16] ---
    Perfect! You both look so ugly
    that it's actually cute!
[07:17] ---
    If Miss Fujiwara is that insistent,
    I suppose I can believe her.
[07:20] ---
    I'm making this my wallpaper.
[07:24] ---
    President...
[07:32] ---
    Gross.
[07:35] ---
    Hey! Did you just call her gross?
[07:37] ---
    Wasn't that the reaction
    she was going for?
[07:39] ---
    Nobody wants that reaction!
[07:41] ---
    No, it's okay.
[07:43] ---
    To be honest,
    I was thinking the same thing.
[07:47] ---
    Now it's your turn!
[07:50] ---
    Give me your weirdest faces.
[07:53] ---
    Why would we have to do it?
[08:04] ---
    Um, Fujiwara...
[08:07] ---
    The photos you took...
[08:09] ---
    Of course, I'll send them to you, too, Miko!
[08:15] ---
    "SMIRK"
[08:15] ---
    Even though it's breaking school rules...
[08:16] ---
    "GROAN GROAN"
[08:18] ---
    Today's battle result...
[08:19] ---
    "(MIKO'S AUTHORITATIVE VOICE POWER
    HAS DROPPED 5 POINTS)"
[08:20] ---
    Fujiwara wins.
[08:22] ---
    Cute!
[08:23] ---
    Why?
[08:26] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[08:33] ---
    They finally realized that.
[08:36] ---
    "3 HOURS EARLIER"
[08:38] ---
    That day, the two of them
    went to the sports equipment warehouse...
[08:39] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T SCARE EASILY"
[08:42] ---
    ...to inspect the equipment
    for the sports festival.
[08:46] ---
    This tug-of-war rope is pretty frayed.
[08:50] ---
    Apparently, they've been using
    the same one for 20 years.
[08:52] ---
    Well, it'll make it through 21 years.
[08:55] ---
    Never mind the equipment.
    They should do something about this warehouse.
[08:59] ---
    No windows, the door sticks...
[09:02] ---
    Imagine getting trapped in here.
[09:06] ---
    Probably, no one would hear us
    if we called for help.
[09:16] ---
    "NO ENTRY TO UNAUTHORIZED STUDENTS"
[09:16] ---
    Did they get locked in
    because the building is so decrepit?
[09:19] ---
    Or did someone accidentally lock the door?
[09:22] ---
    Either way,
[09:23] ---
    a circumstance like this, in which a couple
    gets trapped in a sealed room together,
[09:26] ---
    calls for a title...
[09:27] ---
    "The Incident in the Sports
    Equipment Warehouse"!
[09:36] ---
    It won't open.
[09:37] ---
    It seems we're trapped in here.
[09:40] ---
    Hey! Is anybody out there?
[09:43] ---
    "RIFLE AMMUNITION BOX"
[09:44] ---
    The word is that this was used
    during the war
[09:46] ---
    as an ammunition depot
    and then, a solitary confinement cell.
[09:49] ---
    So I'm sure it's sealed up tight.
[09:51] ---
    I doubt anyone can hear us.
[09:54] ---
    Seriously?
[09:56] ---
    Shinomiya, do you have
    your phone with you?
[09:58] ---
    Unfortunately, I left it
    in the student council room.
[10:01] ---
    Same.
[10:02] ---
    A warehouse that's almost never used...
[10:04] ---
    And no way to call for help...
[10:07] ---
    Wh-What should we do, President?
[10:10] ---
    We're doomed!
[10:11] ---
    There's no food or water in here!
[10:14] ---
    Dammit!
[10:15] ---
    President!
[10:18] ---
    Boo-hoo!
[10:20] ---
    As if!
[10:21] ---
    I'm sure she engineered the whole thing.
[10:24] ---
    I mean, there's no way
    this could happen in real life.
[10:27] ---
    And I can tell those are crocodile tears.
[10:29] ---
    I bet she's going
    for the suspension bridge effect.
[10:29] ---
    "When the anxiety of a crisis gets mixed up
    with the excitement of being in love"
[10:34] ---
    But I'll pretend that I fell for it
    and act all nervous.
[10:38] ---
    Oh, what a disaster!
[10:40] ---
    Boo-hoo-hoo!
[10:43] ---
    How cute, President.
[10:46] ---
    Pulling an obvious ploy like this.
[10:49] ---
    There's no way the door would just lock
    right after we talked about it.
[10:50] ---
    Oh no! What do I do?
[10:53] ---
    Your methods are too simple.
[10:54] ---
    But it's unusual for you
    to be so assertive, President.
[10:58] ---
    I see. I see.
[11:00] ---
    You mean to use the suspension bridge effect
    to move our relationship along.
[11:00] ---
    "When the anxiety of a crisis gets mixed up
    with the excitement of being in love"
[11:06] ---
    A pretty shallow way
    to do it, though, President.
[11:08] ---
    But I'll do you a favor
    and play along with your scheme this time.
[11:13] ---
    President, I'm scared!
[11:15] ---
    Dammit! What's going to become of us?
[11:20] ---
    Why won't it open?
[11:24] ---
    Is anyone out there?
[11:26] ---
    They're both behaving
    as if they're in serious trouble.
[11:29] ---
    However, they actually are in serious trouble!
[11:32] ---
    Both of them assume their predicament
    is a trap set by the other,
[11:32] ---
    Somebody!
[11:34] ---
    so neither is aware
    of the seriousness of the situation.
[11:34] ---
    Anybody!
[11:37] ---
    In fact, they're both excited
    about the opportunities provided by the trap!
[11:38] ---
    Anybody! Hey!
[11:50] ---
    President, we're not going to be saved.
[11:58] ---
    It'll be all right. I'm here.
[12:00] ---
    President...
[12:04] ---
    Taking advantage of the situation
    by grabbing my sleeve so adorably...
[12:05] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[12:08] ---
    What an actress!
[12:09] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[12:09] ---
    You touched me! You touched me!
[12:11] ---
    Right at the critical moment, you touched
    a young lady's soft fair skin, President!
[12:16] ---
    The sun has begun to set.
[12:19] ---
    Still, he's really dragging this out.
[12:22] ---
    He must be prepared for the long haul.
[12:24] ---
    But then, President...
[12:26] ---
    I suspect that ultimately, Shinomiya...
[12:30] ---
    ...means to do this!
[12:30] ---
    "SMOOCH"
[12:32] ---
    "RUSTLE"
[12:32] ---
    ...is aiming for that!
[12:34] ---
    It's a cowardly plan that means
    to pressure a girl
[12:37] ---
    when she's in a psychologically
    weakened state!
[12:39] ---
    I definitely won't fall for it!
[12:42] ---
    But...
[12:43] ---
    Well...
[12:44] ---
    Just for reference, I'll stick around
    to see what kind of move he'll put on me.
[12:44] ---
    "HMPH"
[12:48] ---
    The truth is, neither of them
    tried to trick the other. However...
[12:51] ---
    "THUMP THUMP"
[12:51] ---
    ...they're both convinced
[12:53] ---
    that the other is passionately putting
    the moves on like never before,
[12:56] ---
    and they can't hide their excitement!
[12:59] ---
    That excitement leads to purposeful action!
[12:59] ---
    "WARM ME UP"
[13:01] ---
    Is it nighttime by now?
[13:04] ---
    It's starting to get chilly.
[13:07] ---
    She's more brazen than I would've imagined!
[13:11] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:13] ---
    "WHUMP"
[13:14] ---
    "THUMP"
[13:14] ---
    S-Suddenly?
[13:16] ---
    I thought there would be more of a lead-in!
[13:19] ---
    So, this is what you want, too, huh?
[13:21] ---
    That's what President wants!
[13:24] ---
    Is that what she expects?
[13:26] ---
    I don't intend to...
[13:27] ---
    I don't mean to...
[13:32] ---
    Look out!
[13:40] ---
    I'm scared.
[13:41] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[13:45] ---
    Kaguya finally realized that.
[13:48] ---
    I'm scared, but...
[13:51] ---
    What would happen if I closed my eyes right now?
[14:13] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[14:18] ---
    Shirogane finally realized that.
[14:29] ---
    How long does it take to check equipment--
[14:37] ---
    Iino!
[14:39] ---
    Thank you!
[14:41] ---
    I was so scared!
[14:45] ---
    S-Scumbag!
[14:47] ---
    Dammit! I can't say
    it was a misunderstanding this time!
[14:51] ---
    Today's battle result...
[14:52] ---
    They both lose by a narrow margin.
[14:56] ---
    This got stuck in the door.
[14:57] ---
    The whole thing bites!
[14:59] ---
    I wanna die!
[15:11] ---
    Take a look at this!
[15:13] ---
    What is it?
[15:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[15:17] ---
    You've got lint in your hair.
[15:20] ---
    Where?
[15:24] ---
    Right here.
[15:31] ---
    Oh, so I did.
[15:33] ---
    How silly am I for not noticing?
[15:36] ---
    Recently...
[15:38] ---
    I've kind of been...
[15:40] ---
    feeling...
[15:44] ---
    Shinomiya?
[15:45] ---
    Shinomiya!
[15:46] ---
    My chest...
[15:48] ---
    Ishigami, call for an ambulance!
[15:50] ---
    I already am!
[15:51] ---
    Iino, get the school nurse!
[15:52] ---
    O-Okay!
[15:59] ---
    Kaguya didn't have
    a very strong constitution to begin with.
[16:05] ---
    She gets sick every time the seasons change,
    and she has to take time off.
[16:09] ---
    I believe her mother passed away
    from heart disease.
[16:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[16:21] ---
    "DR. SHOZO TANUMA"
SIGN    "CHAPTER 79 KAGUYA WANTS TO BE EXAMINED"
[16:24] ---
    Dr. Tanuma is making the rounds.
[16:31] ---
    Shozo Tanuma.
[16:33] ---
    Considered to be
    one of the world's top ten doctors,
[16:36] ---
    he's a master cardiologist
    and the world's leading expert
[16:39] ---
    on pediatric cardiac bypass surgery.
[16:41] ---
    The man who even performed
    heart surgery on the prime minister
[16:45] ---
    is also the Shinomiyas' family doctor.
[16:48] ---
    Professor...
[16:52] ---
    What? The Shinomiya girl?
[16:55] ---
    I'll go see her.
[16:57] ---
    But you have
    the prefectural governor's party.
[17:00] ---
    I don't care.
[17:02] ---
    Shozo Tanuma recalls a scene from the past.
[17:09] ---
    A girl who didn't look forward to anything.
    Her eyes were as cold as ice.
[17:16] ---
    And...
[17:18] ---
    What goes around comes around.
[17:24] ---
    Is it arrhythmia?
[17:27] ---
    Suddenly, my heart started beating fast,
[17:30] ---
    and then, I had chest pain so bad
    that I thought I was going to die.
[17:35] ---
    Is it some disease?
[17:40] ---
    Going by what you've told me,
    I have a pretty good idea what it is.
[17:45] ---
    Miss Shinomiya, please don't panic.
    Just listen to what I have to say.
[17:49] ---
    All right.
[17:51] ---
    I believe you're suffering from lovesickness.
[17:58] ---
    Is that the name of some heart disease?
[18:03] ---
    No, it refers to the emotion you feel
    when you're in love.
[18:07] ---
    I guess even doctors make jokes.
[18:10] ---
    I'm not joking.
[18:12] ---
    Then, what?
[18:13] ---
    Are you saying I collapsed and was taken here
    by ambulance because I'm in love?
[18:17] ---
    Yes. I was a bit disturbed, too,
    as this is a first for me.
[18:20] ---
    Please don't be ridiculous!
[18:22] ---
    Someone may well be in love with me,
[18:24] ---
    but you can rest assured that I'd never do
    anything as idiotic as fall in love!
[18:27] ---
    She's a bit of a contrarian.
[18:28] ---
    Just how did you arrive at that diagnosis?
[18:29] ---
    The kids call it "tsundere" these days.
[18:32] ---
    Are you saying that is also a disease?
[18:35] ---
    Let's review your symptoms.
[18:37] ---
    When you think about a specific person
    during school activities,
[18:40] ---
    your heart starts beating fast.
[18:42] ---
    Yes, that's right!
[18:43] ---
    And today, when he removed a piece of lint
    from your hair, his hand brushed your cheek,
[18:44] ---
    "47 CUTS BEFORE"
[18:49] ---
    and just then you felt a pulsating pain
    in your chest and became short of breath.
[18:54] ---
    Yes, I know what I said!
[18:58] ---
    That...
[19:00] ---
    ...is love.
[19:01] ---
    And I said you're wrong! Jeez!
[19:02] ---
    "JEEZ"
[19:03] ---
    It has to be a heart disease!
[19:05] ---
    This has never happened to me before!
[19:07] ---
    Then, it's your first love.
[19:09] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[19:10] ---
    "GROAN GROAN"
[19:10] ---
    I'll be waiting outside,
    so please call me when you're done.
[19:14] ---
    Hayasaka?
[19:14] ---
    "AAAH"
[19:15] ---
    I use this hospital, too, but I'll never
    be able to show my face here again.
[19:19] ---
    This is the worst.
[19:20] ---
    Wh-What's wrong with you?
[19:22] ---
    Anyway, please give me a proper examination!
[19:29] ---
    This is our newest medical testing device.
[19:33] ---
    As it's state-of-the-art medical technology,
    the fee is rather steep,
[19:37] ---
    but do you wish to proceed?
[19:38] ---
    Compared to my life,
    I'm sure the cost will be cheap!
[19:41] ---
    The measurements are done.
[19:43] ---
    And?
[19:44] ---
    She has a beautiful, healthy heart.
[19:46] ---
    That can't be!
[19:48] ---
    There must be one or two holes in it!
[19:48] ---
    "FISSS"
[19:50] ---
    If there were, you'd probably be dead by now.
[19:52] ---
    Then, what?
[19:54] ---
    Being in love is enough to make you topple over
    when someone touches your cheek?
[19:57] ---
    I admit it made me feel somewhat pleased,
    but to then hit the floor,
[20:01] ---
    I would have to love President to death!
[20:04] ---
    Incidentally, do you have a photo of him?
[20:07] ---
    I do, as a matter of fact. Hayasaka...
[20:10] ---
    Quit doing that and bring my phone over!
[20:17] ---
    You don't have a normal photo of him?
[20:19] ---
    But...
[20:21] ---
    ...he seems to be an interesting boy.
    A good match for you.
[20:25] ---
    A good match...
[20:27] ---
    Do you not wish to date this fellow?
[20:30] ---
    Honestly, it's not like that!
[20:33] ---
    I just think President
    is an ideal human being, that's all.
[20:38] ---
    When you say
    he's a "good match,"
[20:40] ---
    that does nothing for me.
[20:42] ---
    Her pulse is over 200.
[20:44] ---
    It's beating like a jackhammer.
[20:45] ---
    Stop it! Stop using the latest technology
    to expose my mistress's emotions!
[20:51] ---
    Have you noticed any changes
    in her state of mind recently?
[20:56] ---
    The other day, she nearly kissed him.
[21:00] ---
    Since then, it's been at the front of her mind!
[21:03] ---
    So, that's what it is.
[21:04] ---
    Hey, Hayasaka!
    That has nothing to do with this!
[21:07] ---
    It has everything to do with it!
[21:08] ---
    That was genuine terror!
[21:10] ---
    When he was on top of me,
[21:12] ---
    my mind went blank,
[21:14] ---
    and I didn't know
    what to do, is all!
[21:17] ---
    I'm not self-conscious around him,
    I'm afraid of him!
[21:27] ---
    I know how you feel.
[21:29] ---
    Back in the day, I fell in love, too.
[21:32] ---
    Well, of course,
    I haven't outgrown that, but...
[21:35] ---
    I don't want to hear about that!
[21:38] ---
    That doctor is a quack!
[21:40] ---
    How could you say that
    about one of the world's top doctors?
[21:42] ---
    I'm going to get a second opinion!
    At another hospital!
[21:48] ---
    Please, don't humiliate me anymore.
[21:53] ---
    Today's battle result...
[21:55] ---
    Hayasaka loses.
[21:59] ---
    Kaguya!
[22:01] ---
    Thank goodness you're okay!
[22:02] ---
    Shinomiya, are you all right?
[22:04] ---
    Yes, I'm fine.
[22:05] ---
    You have a bad heart?
[22:07] ---
    No, I'm told it's beautiful and healthy.
[22:11] ---
    Then, there's another problem?
[22:13] ---
    Have you made a complete recovery?
[22:14] ---
    She has not.
[22:15] ---
    What caused it?
[22:15] ---
    This.
[22:17] ---
    Jeez!
[22:20] ---
    It's all your fault!
[22:22] ---
    But Kaguya couldn't tell him that.
[22:26] ---
    "Nayotake, your daughter is doing fine"

Season 2 - Love is War?

E9 - Yu Ishigami Closes His Eyes, Part 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    The fifth member of the Shuchiin Academy
    Student Council is...
[00:02] ---
    Financial Auditor Miko lino!
[00:05] ---
    It's been only a few days since she joined
    the student council, and already...
[00:05] ---
    "DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE"
[00:09] ---
    Listen.
[00:10] ---
    I want to resign from the student council.
[00:12] ---
    ...she wants to quit!
[01:47] ---
    "YU ISHIGAMI
    CLOSES HIS EYES, PART 2"
[01:49] ---
    But you finally got to join the student
    council. Why would you resign now?
[01:53] ---
    Certainly, I've always wanted to join.
[01:56] ---
    I was thrilled when I got appointed!
[01:59] ---
    But...
[02:00] ---
    ...the student council I wanted to serve on...
[02:03] ---
    The student council I wanted to serve on...
[02:08] ---
    This is the story of a short
    high school girl with high ideals.
[02:12] ---
    It is the record of a student council member
[02:14] ---
    who stays true to herself
    despite being rejected over and over...
[02:16] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL WARS"
[02:18] ---
    A girl who tries to create
    a new student council!
[02:22] ---
    You bumbling idiot!
[02:24] ---
    Can't you even handle a simple task?
[02:27] ---
    This student council is no place for losers!
[02:31] ---
    A merciless meritocracy!
[02:33] ---
    Illicit intimate relations?
[02:35] ---
    We'll expel them all.
[02:38] ---
    That's the best way.
[02:39] ---
    We have to get rid of the rotten apples
    as soon as possible.
[02:42] ---
    A group of stone-cold realists.
[02:46] ---
    Please, wait!
[02:48] ---
    Those young people have made a mistake!
[02:50] ---
    Expelling them for one error is going too far!
[02:53] ---
    Controlling the students through draconian
    punishments is like a reign of terror!
[02:56] ---
    Is that the kind of student council you want?
[03:00] ---
    Cheap emotions have no place
    in this student council.
[03:04] ---
    They serve no useful purpose.
[03:06] ---
    The student council
    is for the benefit of the elite.
[03:09] ---
    That is what we are.
[03:11] ---
    If you object, if you don't like it,
    if you can't stand that...
[03:15] ---
    ...then get out!
[03:19] ---
    Why? Why don't they understand?
[03:22] ---
    At this rate, the student council
    and the academy will both fall to ruin!
[03:26] ---
    But her...
[03:28] ---
    I'm sure the kind, pure
    and angelic Fujiwara will understand.
[03:34] ---
    Kaguya is my friend.
[03:38] ---
    I want to shoulder
    the burden of her sin with her.
[03:42] ---
    A weeping angel.
[03:45] ---
    There's something only you can do, right?
[03:49] ---
    That's what you should do.
[03:54] ---
    She was given something.
[03:56] ---
    That was hope.
[04:01] ---
    Every student in the school signed this!
[04:04] ---
    They all want the punishments revoked!
[04:06] ---
    That's not a smart way
    of going about things. But--
[04:09] ---
    This is how I do things!
[04:14] ---
    I see.
[04:16] ---
    She's a breath of fresh air.
[04:18] ---
    Maybe this is just what we needed.
[04:22] ---
    Thus, the student council
    would slowly begin to transform.
[04:27] ---
    And it all started with her.
[04:31] ---
    Like that!
[04:32] ---
    "BE RIGHTEOUS AND SINCERE"
[04:33] ---
    Your imagination
    really runs wild, doesn't it?
[04:35] ---
    You should also add Ishigami
    to your scenario.
[04:38] ---
    I don't want to waste a moment of my life
    thinking about Ishigami.
[04:41] ---
    Poor Ishigami...
[04:43] ---
    I was so excited
    when I joined the student council.
[04:46] ---
    But the reality is...
[04:48] ---
    President is a man whore!
[04:48] ---
    I like black panties!
[04:50] ---
    I'll make you feel even better.
[04:51] ---
    If I feel any better than this, I'll die!
[04:52] ---
    Not another word!
SIGN    "NEXT: CHAPTER 128 THE TRUTH ABOUT THE STUDENT COUNCIL"
[04:53] ---
    They're all lechers!
[04:56] ---
    At this rate, it's only a matter of time
    before I fall into their clutches.
[05:00] ---
    But it took so long for me
    to get on to the student council.
[05:03] ---
    If I leave now, I'll feel like a quitter!
[05:07] ---
    You take everything so seriously.
[05:09] ---
    You could just choose to stick with it
    and enjoy the student council lifestyle.
[05:13] ---
    That makes no sense!
[05:16] ---
    It doesn't? Personally, I find
    what you're describing pretty appealing.
[05:19] ---
    I don't care about your warped interests!
[05:22] ---
    The kind of love I want isn't tainted by lust!
[05:32] ---
    Junior high was the worst time of my life.
    Everyone shunned me.
[05:37] ---
    But someone anonymously tried
    to cheer me up.
[05:37] ---
    "One day, your efforts will bear fruit"
[05:40] ---
    It was pure generosity
    that asked for nothing in return.
[05:46] ---
    That's what true love is all about!
[05:51] ---
    You're still in la-la land.
[05:53] ---
    This flower has given me
    the strength to carry on.
[05:56] ---
    Enough with that story.
    I've heard it at least ten times already.
[06:00] ---
    Anyway...
[06:01] ---
    I'm not like President who's lust incarnate!
[06:04] ---
    Miko is a highly imaginative dreamer.
[06:04] ---
    I'll never accept what he stands for!
    The very moment he became impure...
[06:07] ---
    Because of that,
    she often jumps to conclusions.
[06:11] ---
    My guess is she's mistaken
    about President Shirogane being lust incarnate.
[06:17] ---
    Okay.
[06:19] ---
    Let's analyze these stories of yours.
[06:22] ---
    The expression "man whore"...
[06:24] ---
    Can you really picture the vice president
    using a crude term like "man whore"?
[06:29] ---
    Well... Not really...
[06:33] ---
    Maybe she really said something
    like "brand sore" or "banned roar."
[06:34] ---
    "SWINE"
[06:36] ---
    That's exactly what I imagine!
[06:38] ---
    To begin with, the vice president
    would never let boys take advantage of her.
[06:43] ---
    And your perception of President
    as being lust incarnate must be mistaken.
[06:46] ---
    Wait... That means...
[06:53] ---
    President...
[06:55] ---
    Tell me...
[06:57] ---
    ...you're a filthy pig.
[07:00] ---
    Say you're crazy about black panties.
[07:06] ---
    I don't particularly like...
[07:08] ---
    Is that so?
[07:10] ---
    You refuse to obey me?
[07:12] ---
    I'm looking forward to seeing it.
[07:15] ---
    Your brand sore.
[07:17] ---
    The doubts about President
    being a "man whore" are cleared up.
[07:23] ---
    Kaguya, you're going too far.
[07:26] ---
    You dare defy me?
[07:28] ---
    Ishigami...
[07:29] ---
    President...
[07:30] ---
    Seal up this girl's mouth.
[07:33] ---
    "HUFF HUFF"
[07:35] ---
    The duct tape mystery is cleared up!
[07:37] ---
    "HUFF HUFF"
[07:37] ---
    How much longer do we have to do this?
[07:39] ---
    To be honest, it's getting me excited.
[07:40] ---
    I think you two need to be taped, too.
[07:43] ---
    "ISHIGAMI"
[07:45] ---
    President...
[07:46] ---
    What do you suppose lino would think
    if she saw you like this?
[07:50] ---
    Stop it!
[07:51] ---
    Please let go of me!
[07:55] ---
    Iino!
[07:57] ---
    I was so scared!
[07:59] ---
    S-Scumbag!
[08:01] ---
    Now the student council will be mine!
[08:04] ---
    Her suspicions about Shirogane
    pinning Kaguya down are cleared up.
[08:06] ---
    Say it! Tell me it feels good!
[08:09] ---
    Say it! Say it!
[08:11] ---
    I-It feels good!
[08:13] ---
    If I feel any better than this, I'll die!
[08:15] ---
    And so, everything is cleared up!
[08:17] ---
    How could I have
    so grossly misunderstood?
[08:19] ---
    President Shirogane
    didn't do anything wrong!
[08:22] ---
    Yep.
[08:24] ---
    It's Vice President Shinomiya
    who's evil incarnate!
[08:27] ---
    Huh?
[08:29] ---
    She used me, playing the victim card
    to take down President Shirogane!
[08:35] ---
    She won't get away with it!
[08:36] ---
    How did you come to this idea?
[08:38] ---
    I'm going to grill her about it!
[08:39] ---
    Miko!
[08:42] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[08:44] ---
    Oh, lino...
[08:47] ---
    Vice President Shinomiya, give it up!
[08:50] ---
    I've got the goods on you!
[08:53] ---
    What are you talking about?
[08:55] ---
    "ROAR"
[08:55] ---
    What do you think about President Shirogane?
[08:58] ---
    I really don't know what you're getting at.
[09:01] ---
    I'm asking you to tell me
    what you think of President Shirogane!
[09:05] ---
    What do I think of President?
[09:10] ---
    Why are you asking me that?
[09:16] ---
    When I don't even know the answer myself.
[09:25] ---
    Huh?
[09:27] ---
    I don't know what to think now!
[09:30] ---
    She's flustered after receiving
    an unexpectedly pure response.
[09:34] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:36] ---
    Iino loses.
[09:41] ---
    "MIKO IINO"
[09:46] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO TOUCH"
[09:46] ---
    Shinomiya has been acting strange ever since
    she collapsed and went to the hospital.
[09:54] ---
    Oh, Shinomiya...
[09:55] ---
    President...
[09:57] ---
    I've got something to do today,
[09:59] ---
    so I have to leave early.
[10:01] ---
    Okay.
[10:03] ---
    She takes off every time I get here
    and won't look me in the eye.
[10:08] ---
    It's like she's avoiding me.
[10:13] ---
    So, why did you run away from him?
[10:18] ---
    It's not like I wanted to run away! But...
[10:22] ---
    every time I look at his face, it reminds me of
    the incident in the sports equipment warehouse,
[10:25] ---
    and my head starts spinning!
[10:29] ---
    It's probably a brain disorder.
[10:31] ---
    What'll I do if I get a blood clot?
[10:33] ---
    First, it was heart disease,
    and now, you've got a brain disorder?
[10:37] ---
    I won't be surprised if you make
    an appointment with a neurosurgeon.
[10:40] ---
    I'd better come up with countermeasures.
[10:42] ---
    Do you have a better way?
[10:49] ---
    How about...
    We develop a calming ritual.
[10:52] ---
    Rituals!
[10:54] ---
    Professional athletes use rituals
    to control their emotions.
[10:58] ---
    Performing rituals resets their mental
    patterns. This enables them to remain calm.
[11:05] ---
    First, we have to decide on a ritual.
[11:09] ---
    Lady Kaguya, try moving around until you find
    a gesture that feels comfortable to you.
[11:11] ---
    "SHFF SHFF"
[11:14] ---
    A comfortable gesture?
[11:29] ---
    I keep thinking about the music,
    so I can't focus.
[11:33] ---
    It's to help you find your ritual.
[11:40] ---
    Maybe this?
[11:42] ---
    This feels comfortable.
[11:44] ---
    I see.
[11:45] ---
    Then, it's "caressing your left cheek
    with your right hand."
[11:49] ---
    That will be your calming ritual, Lady Kaguya.
[11:51] ---
    Now, you have to establish your ritual
[11:53] ---
    to hardwire it into your brain
    so you associate it with a state of relaxation.
[11:59] ---
    Keep touching your left cheek
    with your right hand whenever you feel relaxed.
[12:04] ---
    If you hardwire this association,
[12:06] ---
    you'll be able to calm yourself
    simply by touching your left cheek
[12:09] ---
    no matter how hard it is
    to handle President Shirogane.
[12:12] ---
    I see.
[12:14] ---
    Once you master this ritual,
    it will become a powerful weapon.
[12:18] ---
    Though, to be honest,
    I have no idea what you're battling.
[12:22] ---
    And so, in order to establish her ritual,
[12:26] ---
    Kaguya caresses her left cheek with her
    right hand whenever she feels relaxed.
[12:31] ---
    And a few days later...
[12:33] ---
    Look, here's your future hubby.
[12:37] ---
    There, touch your cheek.
[12:40] ---
    Impressive.
[12:41] ---
    You mastered your ritual in such a short time.
[12:44] ---
    It's been a while
    since I thought you were a genius.
[12:48] ---
    What do you mean, "It's been a while"?
[12:50] ---
    Even if you get into a near-kiss situation
    with President again,
[12:52] ---
    you can stay calm.
[12:57] ---
    Um...
[12:58] ---
    That...
[13:01] ---
    No problem.
[13:02] ---
    Try saying that without touching your cheek.
[13:08] ---
    I won't run away today!
[13:10] ---
    I have a calming ritual now!
[13:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:17] ---
    President...
[13:19] ---
    Use your calming ritual at critical moments.
[13:23] ---
    Critical moments...
[13:26] ---
    Shinomiya,
[13:28] ---
    "SHIROGANE'S HEART POWER"
[13:28] ---
    have you been
    avoiding me lately?
[13:29] ---
    "PRESIDENT STARTS
    TALKING TO HER"
SIGN    "SHE'LL END UP IN THE HOSPITAL IF THE METER HITS 10"
[13:34] ---
    No, not particularly.
[13:36] ---
    Liar!
[13:36] ---
    "SHINOMIYA'S TENSION METER"
[13:36] ---
    "LOOM"
[13:37] ---
    Every time I get here,
    you leave right away!
[13:39] ---
    If you have something
    to say to me, say it in words!
SIGN    "PRESIDENT IS WITHIN A ONE-METER RADIUS"
[13:41] ---
    I can't let him close in!
[13:43] ---
    "PRESIDENT GRABS HER HAND"
[13:46] ---
    Don't run away.
[13:47] ---
    I just want to talk to you.
[13:50] ---
    I'm getting dizzy again.
[13:53] ---
    But this is no problem!
[13:54] ---
    "Right hand-left cheek calming ritual"
[13:56] ---
    Now that I have a calming ritual!
[14:00] ---
    If I touch my left cheek
    with my right hand...
[14:02] ---
    My right hand...
[14:04] ---
    My right hand...
[14:06] ---
    He's gripping it!
[14:09] ---
    Let go!
[14:10] ---
    If I do, you'll just run away!
[14:11] ---
    What should I do?
[14:13] ---
    I could shake him off using a joint lock,
[14:14] ---
    "KAGUYA IS A BLACK BELT
    IN AIKIDO AND JUDO"
[14:14] ---
    but that would hurt him!
[14:17] ---
    Don't give me the silent treatment.
    Say something!
[14:19] ---
    Did they find something at the hospital?
[14:23] ---
    Or...
[14:25] ---
    ...did I do something to make you
    hate me without realizing it?
[14:31] ---
    You didn't do anything
    to make me hate you.
[14:35] ---
    Is this about our near-kiss
    in the sports equipment warehouse?
[14:39] ---
    "PRESIDENT BRINGS UP THE SUBJECT OF KISSING"
[14:42] ---
    But that was a misunderstanding!
[14:44] ---
    "GRIPPING HER SHOULDER"
[14:45] ---
    "PRESIDENT MOVES IN CLOSE"
[14:45] ---
    I was trying to break your fall,
    and we ended up in that position!
[14:49] ---
    "SHAKEN"
[14:49] ---
    But then you closed your eyes!
[15:06] ---
    P-President!
[15:09] ---
    Today's battle result...
SIGN    "KAGUYA WINS (SHE MASTERED HER CALMING RITUAL)"
[15:11] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[15:14] ---
    Even though calming rituals
    among professional athletes goes way back,
[15:17] ---
    the second it becomes the media's
    next shiny thing, people start to imitate it.
[15:21] ---
    Especially members
    of high school sports teams.
[15:22] ---
    They'll copy the ritual of throwing
    their water bottles into a trash can,
[15:25] ---
    when in the first place,
    a ritual is a routine you do on the daily...
[15:33] ---
    The Cheerleading Squad...
[15:34] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T SAY NO"
[15:34] ---
    They're annoying, all bright-eyed and bushy-
    tailed, looking like they're having so much fun.
[15:37] ---
    I used to wish they'd get wiped
    off the face of the Earth.
[15:41] ---
    But I was wrong to think like that.
[15:45] ---
    I was really the pathetic one,
[15:47] ---
    inveighing against them
    when I didn't do a damn thing myself.
[15:52] ---
    Do we have any volunteers
    for the Sports Festival Cheerleading Squad?
[15:56] ---
    Somebody? Anybody?
[16:01] ---
    Then I realized I should join
    the Cheerleading Squad myself.
[16:05] ---
    That would be the key to becoming a normie.
[16:07] ---
    Tell me, Team Red...
[16:10] ---
    Are we gonna win?
[16:13] ---
    My logic was flawed.
[16:15] ---
    It's not that joining the Cheerleading Squad
    will make you a normie,
[16:18] ---
    but that only normies
    join the Cheerleading Squad.
[16:20] ---
    "THE TRIBE OF YAY!!"
[16:22] ---
    The Tribe of Yay!
[16:23] ---
    They yell "Yay" at every opportunity,
[16:25] ---
    party all the time, are bursting with energy,
    and their clothes are all trendy.
[16:26] ---
    "YAY"
[16:28] ---
    They exist even at Shuchiin Academy.
[16:30] ---
    All right, return to your seats!
[16:30] ---
    They are the polar opposite
    an asocial person like Ishigami.
[16:32] ---
    A'ight!
[16:33] ---
    Roger!
[16:34] ---
    I made a terrible decision
    in a moment of doubt.
[16:38] ---
    Even one of my classmates, Onodera,
    is looking at me like, "Are you nuts?"
[16:42] ---
    So, I'll be the leader.
[16:44] ---
    And I'm thinking Koyasu
    will be the vice leader.
[16:47] ---
    Everybody okay with that?
[16:48] ---
    Yay! We're totally okay!
[16:52] ---
    Just like that, the leader was decided.
[16:54] ---
    Our first order of business
    is deciding on Team Red's slogan.
[16:58] ---
    So, anybody got any bright ideas?
[17:00] ---
    Then, how about...
[17:02] ---
    That one!
[17:03] ---
    I like this one!
[17:03] ---
    Now, one!
[17:05] ---
    It's so-so.
[17:05] ---
    So, that's the way it works.
[17:07] ---
    I can't participate that way.
[17:10] ---
    I see. There's no reason
    to even have desks in here.
[17:13] ---
    So, let's choose between these three.
[17:16] ---
    They all suck!
SIGN    "Instagrammable Team Red We totally be best! Burn Team Red Yee-Crazy-Haa"
[17:17] ---
    What the hell is "instagrammable"?
[17:21] ---
    You guys are obsessed with being photogenic!
[17:23] ---
    Like the way you document
    every time you eat friggin' pancakes!
[17:25] ---
    Don't!
[17:27] ---
    All right, why don't we do this?
SIGN    "Being Best Absolutely Yee-Crazy-Haa Instagrammable"
[17:31] ---
    Even worse!
[17:32] ---
    I like it!
[17:34] ---
    That's a definite yes!
[17:35] ---
    You mean a definite no!
[17:36] ---
    Since I'm the leader,
    give me slicked-back hair!
[17:37] ---
    But then again,
    they have better grades than me.
[17:39] ---
    Nice!
[17:39] ---
    Nice!
[17:41] ---
    I'll send it to your Instagram
    accounts from Line.
[17:43] ---
    Oh, man!
[17:44] ---
    Our Instagram Stories are gonna go viral!
[17:45] ---
    I think our work's done
    here for today!
[17:48] ---
    I have no idea what they're saying.
[17:50] ---
    Let's make a Line group.
[17:52] ---
    What should I do? I don't even use Line.
[17:54] ---
    Would Skype work?
[17:57] ---
    Vice Leader...
[17:59] ---
    You're Yu, right? I've heard about you.
[18:02] ---
    Don't you have Line?
[18:04] ---
    Tell me your mail address.
    I'll just mail you what's important.
[18:08] ---
    Sorry for putting you to the trouble.
[18:10] ---
    So...
[18:12] ---
    ...for our uniforms...
[18:14] ---
    "Have we switched bodies!?"
[18:15] ---
    The girls will wear boys' school uniforms,
    and the guys will dress up like girls!
[18:19] ---
    Everyone is responsible
    for borrowing from somebody.
[18:21] ---
    This is sick!
[18:22] ---
    Who are you going to borrow from?
[18:23] ---
    Trade with me!
[18:23] ---
    I've got confidence.
[18:28] ---
    Am I in Hell?
[18:30] ---
    And they're demons
    who are used to the place.
[18:33] ---
    You guys have female friends,
    so it's easy for you to borrow their uniform,
[18:37] ---
    but I don't have anyone like that.
[18:40] ---
    If I asked any of my female classmates to let
    me borrow their uniform, they'd freak out.
[18:46] ---
    There are the student council girls...
[18:50] ---
    Iino would say...
[18:52] ---
    "Forget it!
    I'd never be able to wear it again!"
[18:55] ---
    I'd have the best chance
    asking Fujiwara, but...
[18:58] ---
    "You would do something weird
    with it, wouldn't you?"
[19:00] ---
    That's tough.
[19:02] ---
    She thinks I'm a pervert.
[19:06] ---
    Not that I blame her...
[19:07] ---
    And I'm scared of Shinomiya.
[19:10] ---
    I should probably just quit.
[19:11] ---
    Did I hear you say my name?
[19:13] ---
    There she is!
[19:14] ---
    I'm sorry!
[19:16] ---
    Why are you trying to run away?
[19:19] ---
    So, I don't have anyone to borrow from.
[19:23] ---
    To be honest, I was thinking
    of just quitting the Cheerleading Squad.
[19:27] ---
    Oh...
[19:28] ---
    Well, if you don't mind,
    I'd be willing to lend you my uniform.
[19:32] ---
    Really?
[19:33] ---
    Sure.
[19:34] ---
    You don't care that I'll be wearing it?
[19:38] ---
    Well, when a fellow student council member
    is in a jam, what else can I do?
[19:43] ---
    Shinomiya, you're totally yee-crazy-haa.
[19:47] ---
    What does that mean?
[19:49] ---
    I don't know myself.
[19:51] ---
    I've got a thin waist,
[19:54] ---
    so I don't know if it'll fit you.
[19:56] ---
    Do you want to try it on now?
[19:58] ---
    Please.
[20:01] ---
    You mean right here?
[20:02] ---
    If you're bashful, I could wait outside.
[20:05] ---
    No, it's okay.
[20:09] ---
    Shinomiya just wore this today.
[20:12] ---
    I'm going to wear it in front of her.
[20:16] ---
    This could awaken something inside of me.
[20:33] ---
    It fits, more or less.
[20:36] ---
    Oh, it looks cute on you.
[20:41] ---
    Since you've already got it on...
[20:43] ---
    ...how about doing makeup, too?
[20:46] ---
    You wear makeup, Shinomiya?
[20:49] ---
    I've had people put it on me on occasion,
    so I remember how it's done.
[20:55] ---
    Are you embarrassed?
[20:57] ---
    No, not really.
[21:01] ---
    Is this my drag debut?
[21:05] ---
    What'll I do if I really am
    mistaken for a girl?
[21:08] ---
    By the way,
    is it too tight around your waist?
[21:11] ---
    No, that part's actually fine.
[21:13] ---
    Really? Good.
[21:15] ---
    If anything, it's kind of tight
    in the chest area.
[21:20] ---
    I did sports in junior high,
    so I've got a bit of pectoral muscles.
[21:24] ---
    So I apologize if I stretch it out.
[21:26] ---
    Not at all.
[21:27] ---
    Don't worry about it.
[21:29] ---
    Shinomiya is nicer than I gave her credit for.
[21:34] ---
    "10 MINUTES LATER"
[21:36] ---
    We're done, Ishigami.
[21:38] ---
    "WITH PULP INSIDE"
[21:40] ---
    Hey, cut that out!
[21:42] ---
    Why did you prank me like that?
[21:44] ---
    Sorry. I'll fix it.
[21:48] ---
    Quit giggling.
[21:49] ---
    "HMPH"
[21:50] ---
    Okay, okay.
[21:52] ---
    Well, I don't mind her being affectionate
    toward a fellow council member,
[21:54] ---
    Come on, sit still.
[21:54] ---
    but aren't they sitting a little too close?
[21:57] ---
    I mean, it's not like I'm jealous or anything!
[22:02] ---
    Excuse me for a second.
SIGN    "From: Cheerleading Squad Vice Leader Tsubame Koyasu Practice in the courtyard every Tuesday and Thursday at 5 pm"
[22:10] ---
    Well,
[22:11] ---
    maybe I'll give it a shot.
[22:13] ---
    And so, Yu Ishigami became a member
    of the Cheerleading Squad.
[22:17] ---
    His story continues
    in "Victory and Defeat at the Sports Festival."
[22:21] ---
    "SPORTS FESTIVAL"
[22:23] ---
    Should we put a ribbon on you?
[22:26] ---
    Do you want to awaken something within me?
[22:27] ---
    Or has it already awakened?

Season 2 - Love is War?

E10 - Kei Shirogane Can't Speak

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] ---
    Shirogane is having a nervous breakdown...
[00:11] ---
    ...because Kaguya is still avoiding him.
[00:24] ---
    His sister suspects...
[00:27] ---
    ...her brother is in love.
[00:31] ---
    Hey.
[00:32] ---
    Hmph.
[00:38] ---
    She ignores him as if she doesn't care,
[00:40] ---
    but she has to resist the temptation
    to grill him for details.
[00:48] ---
    Why? Because Kei Shirogane...
[00:51] ---
    ...is in her rebellious teenager phase!
[02:24] ---
    "THREE DAYS EARLIER"
[02:25] ---
    Kei...
[02:26] ---
    You promised not to drink juice at dinner.
[02:26] ---
    "KEI SHIROGANE CAN'T SPEAK"
[02:32] ---
    "MUNCH MUNCH"
[02:32] ---
    Munch Munch. Munch Munch. Munch Munch.
[02:39] ---
    Don't be a picky eater.
    Have your green peppers, too.
[02:43] ---
    "GRUMBLE GRUMBLE"
[02:43] ---
    You're done already?
[02:45] ---
    When you're done eating, you say "Thank you
    for the meal" and put your dishes in the sink--
[02:48] ---
    Get off my back!
[02:51] ---
    The Shirogane Family!
[02:53] ---
    The father doesn't have a steady job,
[02:54] ---
    and they live in an apartment
    that costs 50,000 yen a month
[02:56] ---
    and is a 20-minute walk
    from Sangenjaya Station.
[02:59] ---
    The mother ran off with her lover,
    and their father's factory went bust.
[03:01] ---
    "PROMISSORY NOTE"
[03:02] ---
    The Shirogane Family
    has overcome numerous hardships.
[03:02] ---
    "PROMISSORY NOTE" "SEIZURE"
[03:05] ---
    "HURRY UP!"
[03:05] ---
    Brother!
[03:06] ---
    "GRUMBLE GRUMBLE"
[03:07] ---
    But Kei feels that her overprotective
    big brother treats her like a child.
[03:11] ---
    "NAG NAG"
[03:12] ---
    She has grown hostile
    toward her brother.
[03:15] ---
    "BLAH BLAH"
[03:15] ---
    This makes him reprimand
    his impertinent sister even more.
[03:19] ---
    And thus, their communication
    is in a continuous downward spiral!
[03:23] ---
    But now, Kei is dying to know
    the details of her brother's romantic life.
[03:27] ---
    Her curiosity is killing her.
[03:30] ---
    But if she's too insistent...
[03:33] ---
    What? Give me all the juicy details!
[03:35] ---
    This girl could become my sister-in-law, right?
[03:37] ---
    Brother! Brother!
    Brother! Brother!
[03:40] ---
    ...she'll appear too fond of her brother!
[03:42] ---
    To Kei, that would be humiliating.
[03:43] ---
    "TA-DA"
[03:46] ---
    The problem is, how can she force her brother
    to spill his guts without betraying herself?
[03:49] ---
    She relies on her superior brain
    to cast about for a solution.
[03:53] ---
    What's this?
[03:55] ---
    "She loves me, she loves me not"? That's creepy.
[03:58] ---
    Grilling via verbal abuse!
[04:02] ---
    Do you have a broken heart?
[04:04] ---
    Tell me how you got dumped.
[04:07] ---
    Shut up. Leave me alone.
[04:17] ---
    Honeys, I'm home.
[04:20] ---
    Dad...
[04:20] ---
    Welcome home.
[04:22] ---
    Hi.
[04:24] ---
    What's this?
    "She loves me, she loves me not"?
[04:27] ---
    Miyuki, do you have a crush on someone?
[04:30] ---
    "PUMP"
[04:31] ---
    No, it's not like that.
[04:35] ---
    Well...
[04:36] ---
    ...tell me about it.
[04:37] ---
    It's a father's duty
    to listen to his son's problems.
[04:41] ---
    I'm your sugar daddy.
[04:42] ---
    You don't even know what that means,
    so never say it again.
[04:46] ---
    Okay, I'll tell you.
[04:48] ---
    I thought things were going pretty well
    with this one girl,
[04:51] ---
    but she's been avoiding me recently.
[04:54] ---
    She's been hanging out and talking normally
    with another guy I know, though.
[05:00] ---
    Does she hate me now or is it something else?
[05:02] ---
    I don't know how she feels.
[05:04] ---
    What's with that face?
[05:06] ---
    Listening to genuine romantic troubles
    is tougher than I imagined.
[05:10] ---
    If you're mocking me,
    then forget I said anything!
[05:13] ---
    Hold on there.
[05:15] ---
    My own wife has been avoiding me
    for more than seven years now,
[05:18] ---
    and I suspect she's been making time
    with a younger man, so I know how you feel.
[05:23] ---
    Would you not bring
    your relationship into this?
[05:25] ---
    Accept reality and sign
    the divorce papers already!
[05:28] ---
    For better or worse,
    I still have feelings for my wife.
[05:33] ---
    Come to think of it, you've got
    the sports festival coming up, don't you?
[05:36] ---
    Listen, Miyuki. Girls go wild
    over boys who run fast in the races.
[05:40] ---
    That's your chance to show off.
[05:41] ---
    This isn't grade school!
[05:43] ---
    Never mind!
[05:44] ---
    Nobody understands how I feel!
[05:46] ---
    Wait, Brother.
[05:49] ---
    If a girl you have a good vibe with
    is avoiding you,
[05:52] ---
    it's still possible that she likes you.
[05:55] ---
    How so?
[05:57] ---
    You often hear about people
    who want to have normal conversations,
[06:02] ---
    but they're too embarrassed to be able
    to do it. Give her a little more time.
[06:08] ---
    It's a common thing?
[06:12] ---
    Thanks, that's food for thought.
[06:15] ---
    No big.
[06:17] ---
    I'm going to take a bath.
[06:25] ---
    In the end, who was I talking to?
[06:50] ---
    President...
[06:52] ---
    Can we walk to the student
    council room together?
[06:58] ---
    Yeah, of course.
[07:03] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:06] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[07:10] ---
    "She could be
    my future sister-in-law, too..."
[07:28] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:30] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:31] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:33] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:35] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:37] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:38] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:54] ---
    Nice move at the end, right?
[07:56] ---
    You lied to me!
[07:57] ---
    You lied again! You're a liar!
[07:58] ---
    "GRRR GRRR"
[08:00] ---
    That wasn't dancing!
[08:02] ---
    That was someone writhing in agony
    to the beat of a drum!
[08:05] ---
    I felt like an exorcist!
[08:05] ---
    "RESEMBLES"
[08:07] ---
    "Soran," a Japanese folk song!
[08:08] ---
    The second-year students are going to do
    the soran dance for the sports festival.
[08:13] ---
    Shirogane was confident.
[08:14] ---
    Easy-peasy!
[08:15] ---
    Seeing that made Fujiwara worry.
[08:18] ---
    The truth turned out to be a nightmare.
[08:22] ---
    So, as usual, she's coaching him.
[08:24] ---
    "DEMON"
[08:28] ---
    How was that?
[08:30] ---
    You're still not there.
[08:31] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO DANCE"
[08:31] ---
    You're only imitating the example,
    not expressing anything yourself.
[08:36] ---
    Listen, the folk song "Soran"
    was how fishermen prayed for a good catch.
[08:41] ---
    Comprehending the beauty of men
    living on the sea!
[08:43] ---
    The feelings of fish
    as they strive not to be eaten!
[08:46] ---
    And more than anything,
    the feeling of the net as it gets dragged in!
[08:49] ---
    I can't comprehend that!
[08:50] ---
    You'll never be a professional dancer
    if you can't understand that!
[08:54] ---
    When did the goal switch
    to becoming a pro?
[08:57] ---
    As long as I've got the moves down,
    more or less.
[08:59] ---
    More or less?
[09:03] ---
    "GROWLLLL"
[09:04] ---
    I'm at the end of my rope!
[09:06] ---
    Why do I have to coach someone incompetent
    like you every single time?
[09:10] ---
    I'm done with it! If you ever need help
    with anything else, please don't ask me!
[09:17] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[09:19] ---
    It must've been stressful
    coaching me every time.
[09:22] ---
    I'll try to do this on my own
    without relying on Fujiwara.
[09:26] ---
    The feeling of a net...
[09:28] ---
    The feeling of being dragged in...
[09:30] ---
    President...
[09:31] ---
    Are you practicing the soran dance?
[09:34] ---
    I'm no expert, but I can teach you a little.
[09:37] ---
    Touching President's body...
[09:39] ---
    You, Shinomiya?
[09:41] ---
    Yes.
[09:42] ---
    For example, the "Heave-ho" part...
[09:45] ---
    You stick out your chest like this.
[09:48] ---
    With your hips... It looks better
    if you lower them to about here.
[09:52] ---
    I see.
[09:54] ---
    Also...
[09:56] ---
    "HUH? (LOL)"
[09:58] ---
    Hold on there!
[09:59] ---
    "(LOL)"
[10:01] ---
    She's teaching you? How to dance?
[10:02] ---
    "(LOL)"
[10:04] ---
    Yes!
[10:06] ---
    Kaguya has danced on a stage before!
[10:10] ---
    Let me take a load off!
[10:12] ---
    By all means, continue.
[10:14] ---
    Are you angry, Fujiwara?
[10:17] ---
    Why would I be angry?
[10:18] ---
    If anything, I'm impressed at the speed with
    which you exchanged one teacher for another.
[10:23] ---
    Please, continue.
[10:26] ---
    Dance is a series of beautiful moves
    that are connected to each other beautifully.
[10:31] ---
    Each movement
    should be performed conscientiously.
[10:33] ---
    She doesn't get it.
[10:35] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, did you say something?
[10:38] ---
    Nothing important.
[10:40] ---
    The form of your fingertips...
[10:42] ---
    Your gaze...
[10:43] ---
    If you faithfully copy the model...
[10:45] ---
    So, you just have to copy!
[10:48] ---
    What's that?
[10:49] ---
    Do you have a problem
    with my style of teaching?
[10:53] ---
    Not at all. Well...
[10:54] ---
    The soran dance
    has a kind of raw feeling to it.
[10:58] ---
    I'm not sure about just trying to copy that.
[11:02] ---
    Unless you put your heart and soul into it,
    maybe it's not the same thing!
[11:06] ---
    Vague things like souls are unnecessary.
[11:09] ---
    The important thing is making your body
    efficiently learn the right choreography.
[11:15] ---
    After all, you can't understand
    the dancer's intentions and expressions.
[11:19] ---
    The audience will be moved
    all on their own
[11:20] ---
    if the dancer faithfully
    and beautifully executes the moves.
[11:24] ---
    You're wrong!
[11:25] ---
    The quality of the dance
    and the display is important,
[11:27] ---
    but in the end, a presentation without love
    will make everyone unhappy!
[11:31] ---
    If you don't teach President
    the fun of expressing yourself,
[11:33] ---
    you're not doing anything for him!
[11:35] ---
    I'll teach President!
[11:37] ---
    Stop blathering on!
[11:39] ---
    I won't let you have President!
[11:41] ---
    I won't let you have the soran!
[11:43] ---
    Don't take him away from me!
[11:45] ---
    He doesn't belong to you!
[11:49] ---
    Echizen Ooka,
    renowned magistrate of Edo,
[11:51] ---
    commanded two women who claimed
    to be the mother of a child
[11:53] ---
    to play tug-of-war with his body.
[11:55] ---
    Ooka determined that the woman
    who let go first when
[11:57] ---
    the child was in pain was worthy
    of being his parent.
[12:01] ---
    But in this custody battle,
    neither of them are willing to let Shirogane go!
[12:06] ---
    Ow! Ow!
[12:08] ---
    Let go of me!
[12:16] ---
    This is how a net feels!
[12:18] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:20] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:22] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[12:24] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[12:25] ---
    That's it!
[12:26] ---
    What a marvelous soran dance!
[12:28] ---
    "FWISH"
[12:29] ---
    Today's battle result...
[12:30] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[12:30] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:32] ---
    He understood how a fishing net feels
    when it's being pulled in!
[12:36] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:37] ---
    "The feeling of a fishing net..."
[12:42] ---
    I'm Kobachi Osaragi,
    a member of the Disciplinary Committee.
[12:45] ---
    The kanji for Osaragi
    means "Great Buddha."
[12:45] ---
    "KOBACHI OSARAGI (GREAT BUDDHA)"
[12:48] ---
    Remember my name.
[12:50] ---
    The goal of the Disciplinary Committee
[12:52] ---
    is to support a chaste and
    righteous school environment.
[12:56] ---
    Our main duty is cracking down
    on students who break the school rules.
[12:59] ---
    "KOBACHI OSARAGI
    WANTS TO CRACK DOWN"
[13:00] ---
    However...
[13:04] ---
    Oh, Miko!
[13:06] ---
    A member of the Disciplinary Committee
    has appeared!
[13:07] ---
    If you roll 13 or higher,
    you successfully avoid them!
[13:09] ---
    Come on!
[13:11] ---
    Yes! 14! You evaded
    the Disciplinary Committee!
[13:14] ---
    Yay! Yay! Yay!
[13:15] ---
    You haven't evaded me.
[13:16] ---
    Yay!
[13:17] ---
    Members of the Board Game Club,
    what are you doing?
[13:21] ---
    Can't you tell?
[13:22] ---
    A Shuchiin RPG board game.
[13:25] ---
    We're doing our best to defeat an ancient
    dragon that sleeps in the old school building,
[13:28] ---
    Students who have transcended the rules
    are the most troublesome.
[13:29] ---
    so you should give us your support.
[13:32] ---
    I don't fully understand,
    but as long as you don't cause a disturbance--
[13:35] ---
    All right, let's use
    the time-and-space warp capsule!
[13:38] ---
    Fail!
[13:40] ---
    Saitama has been destroyed.
[13:44] ---
    Annoying...
[13:46] ---
    Fujiwara lacks common sense.
[13:50] ---
    You shouldn't talk!
[13:52] ---
    Unfortunately, you can't confiscate
    my game console.
[13:55] ---
    I'm directly under the student council room.
    The land is owned by the alumni association.
[14:00] ---
    Territory that's exempt
    from school rule jurisdiction.
[14:02] ---
    Oh, is that right?
[14:03] ---
    Then, if you take one step outside of
    that space, I can confiscate your device.
[14:08] ---
    Miko and Ishigami hate each other.
[14:11] ---
    Which suggests that there's
    some kind of bond between them,
[14:11] ---
    At least let me save it! You don't know how difficult it was to defeat that guy!
[14:13] ---
    so I'll amend that statement.
[14:15] ---
    Miko and Ishigami don't get along well.
[14:17] ---
    That guy never learns his lesson.
[14:19] ---
    I hear he has no one to talk to,
[14:21] ---
    so he tries to get lino to pay attention to him.
[14:24] ---
    That's creepy.
[14:26] ---
    The first-year female students
    loathe Ishigami.
[14:30] ---
    In his third year of middle school,
    Ishigami stalked a girl that he liked...
[14:36] ---
    ...and assaulted her boyfriend.
    Or so the rumor goes.
[14:41] ---
    Ishigami never gave his side of the story.
[14:46] ---
    As a result, he was suspended.
[14:49] ---
    The girl transferred to another school,
[14:50] ---
    and the attacks on Ishigami in the name
    of vengeance for her have never stopped.
[14:55] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[14:58] ---
    And yet...
[14:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[15:02] ---
    Fiery red that lights up the heart!
    - Fever! Fever!
[15:05] ---
    I'm surprised you can even come to school
    and act so nonchalant.
[15:08] ---
    Aim for victory! Let's go, Team Red!
[15:10] ---
    After what happened, a normal person would...
[15:13] ---
    Do I look like it doesn't bother me?
[15:15] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[15:18] ---
    Fiery red that lights up the heart!
    Fever! Fever!
[15:24] ---
    Aim for victory! Let's go, Team Ted!
[15:26] ---
    The Yu Ishigami I've observed
    is someone who's socially awkward...
[15:29] ---
    "CHALLENGER"
[15:29] ---
    ...but who hates the irrational.
[15:35] ---
    Miko and Ishigami have a lot in common.
[15:38] ---
    The decision to keep Ishigami from advancing
    to the high school division is going overboard!
[15:42] ---
    As a member of the Disciplinary Committee,
    I officially protest!
[15:45] ---
    This is an interesting conversation.
[15:48] ---
    What's the matter?
[15:50] ---
    The two of them really don't get along.
[15:53] ---
    All right, let's take a break!
[15:57] ---
    Leader...
[15:58] ---
    Yes?
[15:59] ---
    About one of your first-years, Ishigami...
[16:02] ---
    I don't think he joined
    the Cheerleading Squad as a joke, so...
[16:09] ---
    You don't have to tell me that.
    I've noticed.
[16:17] ---
    It's okay. Leave it to us.
[16:20] ---
    Well,
[16:21] ---
    as a member of the Disciplinary Committee,
    it's my duty to keep students
[16:25] ---
    on the pure and correct path at school.
SIGN    "ENTRANCE" "MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S DAD WANTS TO FIND OUT"
[16:32] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[16:33] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[16:35] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[16:37] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[16:41] ---
    I'm fast on my feet
    thanks to delivering newspapers.
[16:43] ---
    And I've mastered the soran dance!
[16:47] ---
    Nothing can stop me today!
[16:49] ---
    There's nothing that can embarrass m--
[16:51] ---
    Lookin' good, Miyuki!
[16:58] ---
    My sports festival...
[17:00] ---
    ...is over.
[17:02] ---
    That was the second-year students'
    soran dance!
[17:09] ---
    Dad, what are you doing here?
[17:12] ---
    I had nothing better to do.
[17:13] ---
    Get a job!
[17:17] ---
    Did you take pictures of the dance?
[17:20] ---
    Yeah, I got some really nice shots.
[17:23] ---
    So, you can act like a real father--
[17:26] ---
    Dirty old man!
[17:28] ---
    Hold on! I asked him
    to get a shot of my daughter.
[17:33] ---
    Your daughter?
[17:34] ---
    Then, you're...
[17:36] ---
    Treasurer Fujiwara's father?
[17:36] ---
    "BOW BOW"
[17:38] ---
    Nice to meet you. I'm Miyuki Shirogane,
    the president of the student council.
[17:42] ---
    I'm Daichi Fujiwara.
[17:43] ---
    Nice to meet you.
[17:45] ---
    Your son is very well-mannered.
[17:47] ---
    He must have had a fine upbringing.
[17:49] ---
    No, he's still very much a child.
[17:51] ---
    For example, his hair down there
    has only recently started to sprout--
[17:54] ---
    Shinomiya?
[17:55] ---
    "SQUEEZE SQUEEZE"
[17:55] ---
    I can't let Shinomiya meet my dad!
[17:58] ---
    No good could come of it!
[18:00] ---
    Hey, did you know
    that our co-op's curry buns are superb?
[18:06] ---
    I hardly get out this way, so I should
    probably sample them while I'm here.
[18:11] ---
    Yes!
[18:14] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:14] ---
    Hooray!
[18:15] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:16] ---
    Hooray!
[18:17] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:17] ---
    Team Red!
[18:20] ---
    "TEAM WHITE"
[18:21] ---
    Why am I the only one?
[18:23] ---
    Team White, do your best!
[18:28] ---
    Good luck!
[18:31] ---
    I want to cheer for President.
[18:39] ---
    President, you can do it!
[18:41] ---
    He's so fast!
[18:50] ---
    Wow!
[18:51] ---
    So, that's the president
    of the student council, huh?
[18:55] ---
    I bet he's trying desperately not to let
    anyone see what an incapable loser he is.
[19:01] ---
    I can't let that comment slide.
[19:03] ---
    President Shirogane is just the person
    this academy needs as its representative.
[19:08] ---
    I'm Kaguya Shinomiya,
    the vice president of the student council.
[19:11] ---
    So, I would know President
    better than you.
[19:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[19:16] ---
    Oh, I get it.
[19:20] ---
    In that case, Shinomiya...
[19:23] ---
    Would you tell me about Miyuki Shirogane?
[19:28] ---
    I'd be glad to!
[19:30] ---
    President has the best grades
    in the academy.
[19:32] ---
    That's all he's got going for him.
[19:35] ---
    He was elected
    as the student council president!
[19:37] ---
    Out of only a few candidates, right?
[19:40] ---
    He has well-defined eyes!
[19:41] ---
    A genetic gift from one of his parents, huh?
[19:44] ---
    Anyway, President is a wonderful person!
    Why can't you understand that?
[19:47] ---
    You have interesting reactions.
[19:50] ---
    But I already know everything you told me.
[19:55] ---
    What is he to you, Kaguya Shinomiya?
[19:59] ---
    What is he to me?
[20:05] ---
    I used to think there weren't
    any good people in this world.
[20:10] ---
    That's why whenever President acted
    like a good person,
[20:12] ---
    I tried to expose the ugly scheme
    that I assumed was behind his actions.
[20:18] ---
    But I never could find any evidence of that.
[20:22] ---
    Eventually, I admitted defeated and acknowledged
    that people like President really did exist.
[20:28] ---
    After that, I started to realize there were also
[20:30] ---
    a surprising number
    of selfless acts in the world.
[20:35] ---
    The way I saw things changed a bit.
[20:40] ---
    So, I'm grateful to President.
[20:44] ---
    So much that I'd like to thank
    his parents for raising him like that.
[20:50] ---
    And are you romantically
    interested in Miyuki?
[20:54] ---
    Wh-Why should I talk about that
    with a perfect stranger?
[20:58] ---
    Because I really want to know.
[21:00] ---
    If you had to love him or hate him,
    which would you choose?
[21:03] ---
    Do you imagine getting married to him
    in the future?
[21:06] ---
    Well, do you?
[21:07] ---
    This line of questioning
    is just embarrassing me!
[21:10] ---
    Do you recognize that your evasion
    of an answer is the answer itself?
[21:13] ---
    Enough! Who are you anyway?
[21:16] ---
    You're still here?
[21:18] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:23] ---
    President...
[21:25] ---
    Do you know this gentleman?
[21:28] ---
    Um...
[21:31] ---
    I've never met him in my life.
[21:32] ---
    Hello. I'm Miyuki's dad.
[21:37] ---
    You knew who I was all along?
[21:40] ---
    Naturally.
[21:41] ---
    President...
[21:43] ---
    You have such a delightfully
    mischievous father!
[21:46] ---
    Do I?
[21:48] ---
    Old man!
[21:51] ---
    What did you do to Shinomiya?
[21:57] ---
    Hang in there, Leader!
[21:59] ---
    Go, Kazeno!
[22:00] ---
    You can do it, Leader!
[22:03] ---
    Ishigami! You're really fast!
[22:06] ---
    Thanks.
[22:07] ---
    Leader and Ishigami, keep it up!
[22:10] ---
    You can do it!
SIGN    "EASY TO UNDERSTAND CORRELATION DIAGRAM BETWEEN KAGUYA AND THE SHIROGANE FAMILY"

Season 2 - Love is War?

E11 - Yu Ishigami Closes His Eyes, Part 3

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Ewww!
[00:01] ---
    What is that?
[00:02] ---
    Oh my god!
[00:03] ---
    That's a definite ugh.
[00:06] ---
    I can imagine their responses.
[00:12] ---
    Next up is Team Red
    Cheerleading Squad's cheering contest!
[00:20] ---
    What happened?
[00:21] ---
    Have we...
[00:23] ---
    ...switched bodies?
[00:27] ---
    Tsubame!
[00:28] ---
    The leader is so cute!
[00:30] ---
    Wait!
[00:31] ---
    That's hilarious!
[00:33] ---
    "BEING BEST"
[00:34] ---
    Being Best!
[00:36] ---
    Absolutely yee-crazy-haa!
[00:38] ---
    Yee-crazy-haa!
[00:42] ---
    Awesome.
[00:43] ---
    I was worried for nothing.
[00:44] ---
    Instagrammable!
[00:46] ---
    Instagrammable!
[00:48] ---
    Let's go!
[00:50] ---
    Yeah!
[00:52] ---
    Hooray! Hooray!
[00:54] ---
    Team Red!
[00:56] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    - Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[00:57] ---
    This may actually be...
[00:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray!
[01:01] ---
    Team Red!
[01:03] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[01:13] ---
    ...the most fun I've had at a sports festival.
[01:16] ---
    Yay!
[01:16] ---
    Yay!
[01:17] ---
    "YU ISHIGAMI
    CLOSES HIS EYES, PART 3"
[01:18] ---
    That was a great success!
[01:19] ---
    Damn right!
[01:21] ---
    That was yee-crazy-haa!
[01:23] ---
    Yeah!
[01:25] ---
    Joining the Cheerleading Squad
    was a good idea after all.
[01:28] ---
    Maybe...
[01:30] ---
    It's about time I started looking forward.
[01:34] ---
    Instead of dwelling on my failures
    and accumulating regrets,
[01:37] ---
    I want to enjoy life more.
[01:41] ---
    Ishigami...
[01:49] ---
    It looked like you were having a good time...
[01:53] ---
    Ishigami.
[02:15] ---
    What's there...
[02:18] ---
    ...to enjoy?
[02:22] ---
    Ishigami!
[02:23] ---
    Ishigami!
[02:25] ---
    Hey! Quit daydreaming! Look at me!
[02:29] ---
    The leader twisted his ankle!
[02:32] ---
    I forgot I had the skirt on
    and tried to jump over the fence.
[02:37] ---
    I tripped and sprained my ankle really badly!
[02:37] ---
    "FWISH"
[02:41] ---
    Dummy.
[02:41] ---
    Dope.
[02:42] ---
    What a dork.
[02:43] ---
    I'm supposed to run the anchor leg
    in the relay, but I can barely hobble.
[02:48] ---
    So, take my place, Ishigami.
[02:52] ---
    The anchor leg? I can't...
[02:54] ---
    I heard about you in junior high school.
[02:59] ---
    Word is you were the fastest kid
    on the track team.
[03:02] ---
    And you were fast
    in that three-legged race!
[03:06] ---
    So, go on, get changed!
    They're getting ready!
[03:11] ---
    I'm counting on you, Ishigami!
[03:12] ---
    The relay race will begin in a moment.
[03:15] ---
    "CULTURAL CLUBS" "SPORTS CLUBS"
[03:16] ---
    Team Red Cheerleading Squad,
    Team White Cheerleading Squad,
[03:21] ---
    the cultural clubs and the sports clubs
    will all be competing against each other.
[03:25] ---
    I look forward to this event every year.
[03:30] ---
    All of the participants must carry something
    that represents their club.
[03:36] ---
    What fun!
[03:38] ---
    Good luck, everyone!
[03:44] ---
    Ishigami!
[03:46] ---
    You're representing the Cheerleading Squad?
[03:49] ---
    Running the anchor leg is a big responsibility.
[03:51] ---
    Ishigami is always fast
    when he runs away, so he'll be fine.
[03:59] ---
    Ishigami?
[04:00] ---
    Is something wrong? You look pale.
[04:03] ---
    Ishigami is running the last leg?
[04:05] ---
    We're screwed.
[04:07] ---
    What about the leader?
[04:08] ---
    This is ridiculous.
[04:09] ---
    Isn't Kazeno supposed to do it?
[04:12] ---
    Why?
[04:14] ---
    Oh, that's right.
[04:17] ---
    Every time I stick my neck out,
[04:19] ---
    I always fail.
[04:36] ---
    Ishigami...
[04:39] ---
    You dropped your eraser.
[04:44] ---
    Kyoko Otomo was just a classmate.
[04:47] ---
    She wasn't even an acquaintance.
[04:49] ---
    Good morning, Ishigami!
[04:51] ---
    I didn't fit in then, but she was still
    friendly and would talk to me.
[04:55] ---
    Wake up!
[04:57] ---
    You'll be late!
[04:58] ---
    She was a good person.
[05:00] ---
    That's how I thought of her.
    No more than that.
[05:03] ---
    Let's go, Kyoko!
[05:04] ---
    Hurry up!
[05:06] ---
    Coming!
[05:09] ---
    What were you doing?
[05:09] ---
    In any case,
[05:11] ---
    just by talking to this loser,
[05:14] ---
    somehow, I felt like she saved me.
[05:27] ---
    One day, Otomo got a boyfriend.
[05:32] ---
    His name was Ko Ogino.
[05:35] ---
    He was the president of the theater club.
[05:37] ---
    He was my polar opposite.
[05:39] ---
    A popular guy who was always
    the center of attention...
[05:42] ---
    Ogino...
[05:46] ---
    Whenever I saw a couple,
    I would curse them without reservations,
[05:50] ---
    but unusually enough,
    I wished for her happiness.
[05:54] ---
    At least, until that day.
[05:57] ---
    That's right. I'm easy, what can I say?
[06:02] ---
    I know. I've already reserved
    a room, so don't worry.
[06:06] ---
    Was that your girlfriend?
[06:07] ---
    Y-You were there?
[06:10] ---
    You heard that? I'm embarrassed!
[06:13] ---
    Yep. That was my girl.
[06:19] ---
    I could tell he was lying through his teeth.
[06:23] ---
    At the time, I had an excessive sense
    of justice and no tolerance for crap.
[06:30] ---
    I wasn't about to let a good person get hurt.
[06:35] ---
    If I'd been in love,
    it would've been a little simpler.
[06:40] ---
    You went out of your way to snoop?
[06:43] ---
    So, what do you intend to do?
    Snitch on me?
[06:46] ---
    I don't want to do anything about it.
[06:49] ---
    Just stop cheating on her.
[06:54] ---
    I can't do that.
    Not when there are girls who are willing.
[06:59] ---
    How about this?
[07:01] ---
    You like Kyoko, right?
[07:04] ---
    Come over to my place today.
[07:15] ---
    He used his own girlfriend
    as a bargaining chip.
[07:22] ---
    What do you think Otomo is?
[07:29] ---
    What happened after that is fuzzy.
[07:40] ---
    Hey, stop it!
[07:43] ---
    Somebody get a teacher in here!
[07:45] ---
    The only thing I remember is thinking...
[07:47] ---
    I'd make it so no girl would approach that face.
[07:52] ---
    Ogino!
[08:05] ---
    Satisfied?
[08:07] ---
    Would you quit while you're ahead?
[08:12] ---
    There's a theater competition coming up.
[08:14] ---
    I won't be able to participate
    if you beat my face beyond recognition.
[08:17] ---
    I'll give you a competition!
[08:19] ---
    Back off now,
[08:21] ---
    and I won't take it out on Kyoko.
[08:23] ---
    Sorry, but I can't let
    something like this ruin me.
[08:28] ---
    And if you spill it, Kyoko will become
    the object of everyone's pity.
[08:34] ---
    You bastard!
[08:35] ---
    I won't let you get close to Otomo ever again!
[08:38] ---
    Ishigami...
[08:40] ---
    You're stalking her!
[08:46] ---
    I understand that you're in love with Kyoko.
[08:50] ---
    But...
[08:52] ---
    ...no matter how many times you slug me,
[08:54] ---
    I won't break up with her!
[09:00] ---
    That's right.
[09:01] ---
    You can't win a girl's love with violence,
    Ishigami!
[09:06] ---
    Do you really think
    she'll buy your cheap theatrics?
[09:09] ---
    Give her more credit than that!
[09:12] ---
    Otomo...
[09:14] ---
    I'd break up with this scumbag
    if I were you.
[09:23] ---
    You're the scumbag.
[09:26] ---
    Creep.
[09:27] ---
    Poor Ogino.
[09:28] ---
    He's a stalker.
[09:30] ---
    He'd be better off dead.
[09:32] ---
    Scum.
[09:32] ---
    Gross.
[09:33] ---
    Don't come to school again.
[09:35] ---
    What a psycho.
[09:36] ---
    At least, apologize.
[09:38] ---
    What's his problem?
[09:39] ---
    He's got to be a loon.
[09:41] ---
    Loser.
[09:42] ---
    What's your deal?
[09:43] ---
    Head case.
[09:44] ---
    It's all over for you.
[09:45] ---
    Who the hell do you think you are?
[09:47] ---
    Seriously, you should just snuff it.
[09:50] ---
    He screwed himself over.
[09:51] ---
    Wait.
[09:53] ---
    This doesn't make sense.
[09:57] ---
    It doesn't make sense!
[09:59] ---
    Somebody needed to beat him up!
[10:02] ---
    Otomo, you understand, don't you?
[10:06] ---
    This is crazy, isn't it?
[10:09] ---
    You're the one who's crazy.
[10:15] ---
    It's you.
[10:18] ---
    Certainly, I was crazy.
[10:21] ---
    "ENTRANCE"
[10:28] ---
    It's a close race between
    the Magic Club and the Judo Club!
[10:31] ---
    Ishigami...
[10:32] ---
    Pull yourself together.
SIGN    "SUTERA" "LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS A LITTLE STRENGTH"
[10:45] ---
    I was suspended for a month.
[10:49] ---
    Anyway, if you want to come back,
[10:52] ---
    you'll keep up with your homework
    and write a letter of apology.
[10:56] ---
    I made my junior high school
    alienation even worse
[10:57] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    AND YU ISHIGAMI"
[10:58] ---
    by giving in to my flimsy sense of justice.
[11:01] ---
    I stuck my neck out
    for a girl I barely even knew.
[11:05] ---
    If I hadn't done anything,
    maybe nothing would've even happened.
[11:10] ---
    This was the result.
[11:14] ---
    All I can say is I brought it on myself.
[11:18] ---
    I should write what I felt
    down in the letter of apology.
[11:21] ---
    It was simple.
[11:23] ---
    That's what I thought then.
[11:28] ---
    "LETTER OF APOLOGY"
[11:29] ---
    Every weekend, I turned in
    my homework assignments
[11:32] ---
    and endured a lecture by the teacher
    in charge of school counseling.
[11:36] ---
    What are you sulking about?
[11:38] ---
    I'm the one who has to take time
    out of my schedule to deal with you!
[11:43] ---
    Blame yourself for this mess!
    If you hadn't gone berserk...
[11:51] ---
    He's right. I'm the crazy one.
[12:00] ---
    My baseless confidence and pride had vanished,
[12:03] ---
    leaving behind only misery.
[12:06] ---
    Even after the period of suspension was over,
[12:08] ---
    I hadn't written the letter of apology,
[12:11] ---
    so I wasn't allowed to go back.
[12:14] ---
    Fifteen years old,
    and you can't even say you're sorry?
[12:18] ---
    I admit that what I did was wrong,
[12:22] ---
    and I do regret it.
[12:25] ---
    But even if it kills me,
    I just can't apologize.
[12:28] ---
    I've had enough of your crap!
[12:30] ---
    Ogino may be superficial,
    but he's not a bad guy.
[12:35] ---
    He said if you gave him
    a sincere apology, he'd forgive you.
[12:39] ---
    That takes a big man.
[12:44] ---
    He'd forgive me.
[12:46] ---
    Is that right?
[12:49] ---
    He can go to hell.
[12:51] ---
    An indictment.
[12:53] ---
    I'll spill everything!
[12:54] ---
    Even if it pisses off Ogino
    so bad that he beats Otomo...
[12:57] ---
    ...or shares a revenge porno of her
    with the whole school, see if I care!
[13:00] ---
    I just wanna be set free.
[13:03] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:05] ---
    I'll write it. I'll write it. I'll write it!
[13:21] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:23] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:26] ---
    I'll write it!
[13:27] ---
    I'll write...
SIGN    "GRADUATION CEREMONY SHUCHIIN ACADEMY JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL"
[13:48] ---
    In the end, I didn't write one damn word.
[13:51] ---
    "I'm sorry. I was wrong.
    Please forgive me."
[13:53] ---
    A toadying apology...
[13:56] ---
    I was a cringeworthy and annoying weirdo.
[14:08] ---
    With Ishigami as the anchor,
    we'll totally lose.
[14:10] ---
    I know, right?
[14:12] ---
    I can't cheer for him.
[14:14] ---
    I wanna go home.
[14:15] ---
    Anchors, on your marks, please!
[14:19] ---
    I forgot...
[14:21] ---
    Am I on the red team or the white team?
[14:24] ---
    Where?
[14:27] ---
    Where am I supposed to be?
[14:31] ---
    Ishigami!
[14:37] ---
    An anchor's not an anchor without a headband.
[14:42] ---
    Go get 'em!
[14:45] ---
    Don't worry about anybody else!
[14:54] ---
    That's right.
[14:56] ---
    I almost forgot.
[14:59] ---
    This is gross.
    It's damp with your sweat.
[15:02] ---
    Oh, shut up!
[15:04] ---
    I don't know how, but even though
    they didn't let me come back to junior high,
[15:08] ---
    I got to go on to high school.
[15:11] ---
    And suddenly, one day...
[15:13] ---
    ...he came over.
[15:35] ---
    In other words,
[15:36] ---
    the reason you didn't refute it...
[15:39] ---
    ...was to protect Kyoko Otomo.
[15:43] ---
    That's the conclusion I was led to
    based on gathered fragments of intel.
[15:47] ---
    Or rather,
[15:48] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL SECRET REPORT"
[15:49] ---
    that's the conclusion we came to!
[15:52] ---
    A follow-up investigation revealed
[15:54] ---
    that Ogino broke up with Kyoko Otomo
    days after the incident.
[15:58] ---
    There's no sign of any sleazy rumors
    going around then.
[16:00] ---
    Otomo went to a different high school,
    and she seems to be enjoying her life.
[16:06] ---
    Is that true?
[16:10] ---
    It sounds like our conclusions
    were on the money.
[16:14] ---
    It appears that Ogino was paranoid about you.
[16:16] ---
    Even after months of suspension,
    you still hadn't written a letter of apology.
[16:22] ---
    Who wouldn't be scared?
[16:25] ---
    Unintentionally or not,
[16:26] ---
    your period of suspension was effective.
[16:31] ---
    I don't intend to discuss
    whether your actions were right or wrong.
[16:34] ---
    The fact is, you could've handled it
    in a smarter way.
[16:38] ---
    However...
[16:40] ---
    ...you achieved your objective.
[16:46] ---
    I'd never told anyone my secret before,
[16:50] ---
    but he had yanked it out of me
    without any fuss as if it were nothing.
[16:55] ---
    You did good, Ishigami.
[16:59] ---
    So...
[17:01] ---
    ...the letter you should write...
[17:13] ---
    "GO TO HELL, DUMBASS!!"
[17:13] ---
    ...is this!
[17:24] ---
    You've been through a lot.
[17:33] ---
    You're not crazy.
[17:46] ---
    I hope you fall on your face!
[17:49] ---
    He dumped me because of what you did!
[17:52] ---
    It's all your fault!
[17:56] ---
    I hold a grudge for a long time!
[17:59] ---
    How dare you enjoy yourself?
[18:01] ---
    You don't have that right!
[18:05] ---
    Go to hell, dumbass.
[18:10] ---
    Sorry, Otomo,
[18:12] ---
    but I'm done looking back.
    I'm shaking you off.
[18:17] ---
    I'll prove it by winning this!
[18:20] ---
    I'll prove that it's better this way!
[18:22] ---
    I'll prove that I'm not crazy!
[18:24] ---
    Go, Ishigami!
[18:25] ---
    No matter how much you people reject me
    with your scary words,
[18:29] ---
    I won't bend!
[18:31] ---
    No matter what you think!
    No matter how you threaten me!
[18:36] ---
    Don't think I'm going to shrink in fear!
[18:38] ---
    Go, Ishigami!
[18:40] ---
    Go! Go!
[18:42] ---
    You can do it, Ishigami.
[18:44] ---
    I'll prove it...
[18:46] ---
    ...by winning here!
[18:51] ---
    I'll prove it to all of you!
[19:02] ---
    Dammit! Dammit!
[19:04] ---
    I failed miserably.
[19:07] ---
    Maybe I was wrong after all.
[19:10] ---
    I can't change anything.
[19:13] ---
    In the end, I...
[19:22] ---
    Yu! Yu!
[19:24] ---
    That was so close! Yu!
[19:26] ---
    Koyasu?
[19:28] ---
    Are you crying?
[19:30] ---
    After all...
[19:31] ---
    ...when I saw how frustrated you looked,
[19:34] ---
    it made me frustrated, too!
[19:38] ---
    Tsubame cries at anything.
[19:40] ---
    I can't help it!
[19:42] ---
    Ishigami! That was a good race!
[19:45] ---
    It really was so close.
[19:46] ---
    Don't let it bother you.
[19:48] ---
    They were in the lead to begin with.
[19:50] ---
    Yeah!
[19:51] ---
    Oh, I see.
[19:53] ---
    Crap! We would've won
    if the Board Game Club hadn't muffed it.
[19:57] ---
    These people...
[19:57] ---
    Don't feel bad!
[19:59] ---
    You did fine, Ishigami!
[20:04] ---
    Are you okay?
[20:05] ---
    Ishigami?
[20:06] ---
    Now you're going overboard.
[20:07] ---
    What's wrong?
[20:15] ---
    They're good people.
[20:17] ---
    I'm fine.
[20:20] ---
    Before, I never even bothered
    to look for that.
[20:23] ---
    Was really looking all it took
    for the view to change like this?
[20:28] ---
    Apparently, it's true that genuine normies
    can be genuinely nice.
[20:35] ---
    "TEAM RED" "TEAM WHITE"
[20:36] ---
    So, the next relay is the final event!
[20:36] ---
    "KYOKO OTOMO DOESN'T REALIZE"
    "TEAM RED" "TEAM WHITE"
[20:38] ---
    If we clinch this,
    Team Red will make a comeback victory!
[20:43] ---
    Get pumped up and ready to cheer!
[20:45] ---
    Yay!
[20:46] ---
    Team Red! Being best!
[20:50] ---
    Being best!
[20:51] ---
    I still think this cheer is totally lame,
    though.
[20:56] ---
    Anyway, Ishigami is such a dirtbag!
[20:59] ---
    How dare he yell, "Go to hell, dumbass"!
[21:02] ---
    Even if it's the truth, there are
    some things you just shouldn't say!
[21:06] ---
    The truth?
[21:07] ---
    W-Well, if I'd been smarter,
    I would've passed the entrance exam.
[21:12] ---
    I thought maybe this was my golden opportunity
    to get back together with Ogino,
[21:16] ---
    only to find out he transferred
    to another school.
[21:18] ---
    Golden opportunity?
[21:19] ---
    Lady Kaguya, did you arrange for Ogino?
[21:22] ---
    How rude. I'd never do anything so cruel.
[21:26] ---
    Still, I'm glad I came today!
[21:28] ---
    I finally got to unload on Ishigami!
[21:31] ---
    Swish! Swish!
[21:32] ---
    And more than anything...
[21:34] ---
    I have a lot of fun memories from Shuchiin!
[21:39] ---
    She's blissfully ignorant.
[21:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[21:43] ---
    I know.
[21:45] ---
    That smile of hers is what Ishigami protected.
[21:50] ---
    Jeez.
[21:51] ---
    He chose to go through
    all that for no benefit.
[21:54] ---
    He really is a cute junior, though.
[21:59] ---
    "VICTORY"
[21:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[22:14] ---
    "ENTRANCE"
[22:14] ---
    Today's sports festival result...
[22:17] ---
    It's a big win for Team Red!
[22:22] ---
    "GO TO HELL, DUMBASS!!"
[22:26] ---
    "DEPICTION OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    SECRET REPORT FORMATION"

Season 2 - Love is War?

E12 - The Student Council Would Like a Group Photo

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] ---
    Ever since I got
    my first flip phone at age five,
[00:13] ---
    I only used it for making emergency calls.
[00:18] ---
    But after joining the student council,
[00:22] ---
    I've been using it
    to document my daily life.
[00:25] ---
    I used to look down on girls my age
    who would constantly take phone pictures.
[00:33] ---
    Probably because
[00:35] ---
    I had nothing
    to take a photo of then.
[00:38] ---
    There were no days...
[00:40] ---
    I told you I'd confiscate that!
[00:41] ---
    ...that I wanted
    to think back upon.
[00:43] ---
    How many times do I have to say it
    before it sinks in?
[00:45] ---
    Therefore...
[00:55] ---
    ...by doing this,
[00:57] ---
    I feel...
[00:59] ---
    ...just a little bit...
[01:02] ---
    ...like an ordinary girl.
[01:05] ---
    "LONG TIME NO SEE"
[01:05] ---
    A photo of us?
[01:07] ---
    "Shuchiin Academy School Brochure"
[01:07] ---
    Yes! We're making a pamphlet
    for Shuchiin Academy,
[01:10] ---
    so I would like all of you to model for it.
[01:10] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    WOULD LIKE A GROUP PHOTO"
[01:13] ---
    We're going to be models?
    That sounds like fun!
[01:16] ---
    What shall I wear?
[01:17] ---
    Your school uniform, of course.
[01:19] ---
    Excuse me...
[01:21] ---
    I'm sorry, but...
[01:23] ---
    "SHINOMIYA FAMILY"
[01:23] ---
    ...my family's policy doesn't allow
    my face to appear in any media.
[01:27] ---
    We can't show your face at all?
[01:30] ---
    Could you do something like this?
[01:33] ---
    What kind of pamphlet
    are you making?
[01:34] ---
    Don't worry about me. You guys do it.
[01:37] ---
    I've never been photogenic anyway.
[01:40] ---
    Really?
[01:43] ---
    The pamphlet I wish to make,
    in a nutshell, will make kids think,
[01:47] ---
    "I want to spend the springtime
    of my life at that academy!"
[01:51] ---
    So, please show me your bubbly best!
[01:55] ---
    Our bubbly best...
[01:57] ---
    Go on, vogue!
[02:00] ---
    L-Like this?
[02:02] ---
    Fujiwara's bubbly best
    is like a bratty child.
[02:06] ---
    L-Like this?
[02:07] ---
    A three-year-old's first photo session.
[02:09] ---
    Thank you, next!
[02:12] ---
    Why do you hide your face?
[02:15] ---
    B-Because I'm embarrassed.
[02:17] ---
    Non! What a waste
    when you have such a cute face...
[02:23] ---
    Cute?
[02:24] ---
    "UH-HUH"
[02:24] ---
    Precisely! When you're so pretty...
[02:30] ---
    Please show me that cute face.
[02:37] ---
    How cute! Very nice!
[02:41] ---
    Don't be afraid.
[02:42] ---
    Entrust me with your body.
[02:46] ---
    Now bite that pen you're holding.
[02:50] ---
    "SNAP SNAP"
[02:50] ---
    The epitome of Japanese cuteness!
[02:52] ---
    Iino, if some sleazy guy in town
    scouts you as a model, don't you go with him.
[02:56] ---
    Ishigami, would you stand next to her?
[03:00] ---
    Me, too?
[03:05] ---
    This won't do.
[03:05] ---
    "HMPH..."
[03:05] ---
    Mutter mutter mutter...
[03:07] ---
    Shinomiya, would you fix Ishigami's hair?
[03:12] ---
    Sure.
[03:13] ---
    And you look a little too stiff, lino.
[03:15] ---
    Please loosen up a bit.
[03:18] ---
    Mutter mutter mutter...
[03:24] ---
    Now that's what I'm talking about!
[03:27] ---
    The vibe I get is two students
    who secretly help each other out.
[03:33] ---
    Where's that coming from?
[03:34] ---
    What are you talking about?
[03:36] ---
    Next, I want Fujiwara and Shirogane!
[03:38] ---
    Come on!
[03:39] ---
    "WACKA WACKA"
[03:42] ---
    Non, more natural!
[03:44] ---
    Easy for you to say.
[03:46] ---
    Well, let's see.
[03:48] ---
    Perhaps, it would be easier
    if I gave you a hypothetical situation.
[03:53] ---
    All right, let's say
    you two are girlfriend-boyfriend.
[04:03] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:03] ---
    You're talking in the hallway.
[04:05] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:06] ---
    Your hands accidentally touch.
[04:07] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:09] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:10] ---
    That's it! So innocent!
[04:13] ---
    Adolescence personified!
[04:15] ---
    The springtime of youth!
[04:17] ---
    Tres-tres-tres bien!
[04:19] ---
    Now bring your faces closer together!
[04:22] ---
    I always thought of this man as a clown...
[04:27] ---
    ...but I didn't realize the depths
    of his mockery.
[04:30] ---
    Doesn't he realize just how much
    my family donates to this school?
[04:34] ---
    I hope he knows
    his days as a principal are numbered.
[04:39] ---
    It's just a shame.
[04:41] ---
    Shinomiya would've been ideal
    to play Shirogane's girlfriend.
[04:48] ---
    I would love to get a two-shot
    of Shirogane and Shinomiya!
[04:52] ---
    They have the ideal relationship!
[04:55] ---
    That's what I wanted to capture!
[04:58] ---
    Can you understand my frustration?
[05:02] ---
    Yes, yes!
[05:03] ---
    I understand!
[05:08] ---
    Well, let's take a group photo
    with the schoolyard behind you.
[05:12] ---
    Everyone, line up, please.
[05:15] ---
    A group photo...
[05:15] ---
    In order of school year!
[05:17] ---
    Don't stand next to me.
[05:18] ---
    I know, I know.
[05:18] ---
    Come to think of it, I've never taken
    a photo like that before.
[05:21] ---
    Then, stand wherever you like!
[05:24] ---
    I envy them.
[05:38] ---
    Shinomiya, please come over here.
[05:41] ---
    For the last shot,
    let's take a keepsake photo.
[05:45] ---
    But...
[05:51] ---
    You don't have to do this for me.
[05:53] ---
    I'm not.
[05:56] ---
    This is what your friends want.
[06:06] ---
    Any more photos taken will be private!
[06:09] ---
    We can use your cell phone if you'd like.
[06:12] ---
    Then...
[06:31] ---
    Do you think it's broken?
[06:33] ---
    Non...
[06:38] ---
    I'll retrieve it.
[06:41] ---
    Shinomiya...
[07:14] ---
    It's kaput. No surprise.
[07:18] ---
    I probably lost all the photos I took.
[07:23] ---
    Maybe I should get a smartphone next time.
[07:26] ---
    I hear the photo resolution is great
    with the newer models!
[07:30] ---
    Then, I can do LINE, too.
[07:33] ---
    It'll give me a whole new avenue
    for defeating President!
[07:37] ---
    This is a blessing in disguise!
[07:42] ---
    It's actually a good opportunity.
[07:44] ---
    I needed something like this
    to force me to make a decision.
SIGN    "Student council election results Miyuki Shirogane Miko lino"
[07:46] ---
    Now, I'll be able to use
    Snow and Instagram, too!
[07:49] ---
    If I can figure them out.
[07:51] ---
    They say the photo resolution
    for phones these days is so good.
[07:55] ---
    Just think, I can use
    all of the social media apps.
[08:04] ---
    They're just photos.
    What am I crying for?
[08:10] ---
    I guess I'm more girly than I thought.
[08:22] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    IS GOING TO GET THAT GROUP PHOTO"
[08:22] ---
    I did check, and this model is not only old,
    but has corporate proprietary specs.
[08:28] ---
    There aren't any parts left to fix it,
[08:31] ---
    and I'm afraid there's no way to save the data.
[08:35] ---
    If you had an SD card attached,
    it may have been possible,
[08:39] ---
    but with this model,
    all of the data is stored internally, so...
[08:43] ---
    Then, that's that.
[08:45] ---
    Let's buy a smartphone and go home.
[08:48] ---
    Which one do you like?
[08:49] ---
    The same model as President.
[08:52] ---
    I want the same model as President.
[08:54] ---
    But think about that carefully!
[08:56] ---
    Lady Kaguya, if you choose
    the same model as President...
[09:00] ---
    Well, well. You bought
    the same phone I have, huh?
[09:03] ---
    You want to match me that badly?
[09:09] ---
    How cute.
[09:11] ---
    That will happen!
[09:12] ---
    I mean, he wouldn't
    actually be like that, but...
[09:14] ---
    What are you talking about?
[09:16] ---
    President wouldn't say those things.
[09:18] ---
    Wait. You're right, but...
[09:21] ---
    I feel like you've just betrayed me.
[09:24] ---
    I'm kind of tired.
[09:26] ---
    I'm in no mood to play along
    with your jokes, Hayasaka.
[09:28] ---
    I haven't cracked a single joke.
[09:32] ---
    President has an old smartphone, too,
    so you wouldn't find it here.
[09:37] ---
    Buy the latest model
    from the same brand instead.
[09:40] ---
    Here. This is a good one.
[09:42] ---
    The display is 4K HDR.
[09:46] ---
    It also has a look-ahead function
    that can even detect a smile.
[09:49] ---
    I don't feel like smiling.
[09:50] ---
    You can charge it with both USB Type-C and Qi.
[09:52] ---
    It's even 5G compatible?
[09:54] ---
    Ultrasonic fingerprint authentication?
    This is the future!
[09:57] ---
    These phone features are giving us
    phones of the future! Wow! This is amazing!
[09:59] ---
    I don't know what you're going on about.
    Just choose one.
[10:03] ---
    Ka...
[10:04] ---
    Kaguya! You finally bought a smartphone?
[10:07] ---
    "TA-DA"
[10:08] ---
    Well, after my previous phone broke...
[10:11] ---
    "FRET FRET"
[10:11] ---
    But you were so obstinate.
[10:13] ---
    Whatever I said,
    you were like, "I don't need it."
[10:14] ---
    "I've been getting along fine
    with this for years."
[10:16] ---
    Not buying a new phone
    was a point of pride for you!
[10:19] ---
    Welcome to civilized society.
[10:21] ---
    I wasn't that into my flip phone.
[10:25] ---
    Um, I installed LINE, but...
[10:30] ---
    Then, let's exchange IDs!
[10:32] ---
    We are in the age of information technology!
[10:33] ---
    Kaguya was forced to get a smartphone
    because flip phones have gone extinct.
[10:38] ---
    "SPARKLE"
[10:39] ---
    Everyone knows that a smartphone is an
    essential accessory for a high school student.
[10:40] ---
    Very nice.
[10:41] ---
    I love how you can do so many things with it.
[10:44] ---
    From making plans, to hanging out,
    to texting, everything happens via phone.
[10:47] ---
    When you don't get a reply right away,
    it seems like a matter of life and death.
[10:49] ---
    Some students even confess their love
    through a social media app. That's right.
[10:54] ---
    This past year has been a complete waste
[10:56] ---
    Yes. I don't even know
    how to use any of these functions.
[10:56] ---
    because these two weren't connected through LINE.
SIGN    "Do you want to add XXX as your friend? YES NO"
[10:58] ---
    Becoming a LINE friend is the ticket to love
    in this day and age in Japan.
[11:02] ---
    This is it!
[11:03] ---
    Now that she's bought a smartphone,
    I can ask her to exchange LINE IDs!
[11:07] ---
    But if I ask for her address,
    it's equivalent to a confession of love!
[11:12] ---
    Maybe, humans are creatures
    that never learn.
[11:17] ---
    Is that philosophy?
[11:18] ---
    I have to set up a situation!
[11:20] ---
    President, can I have your LINE ID?
[11:24] ---
    Sure. My ID, huh?
    Of course we can exchange IDs--
[11:28] ---
    "SCAN QR CODE TO ADD FRIENDS"
[11:29] ---
    Huh?
[11:30] ---
    Huh?
[11:31] ---
    "KAGUYA SHINOMIYA" "NEW FRIEND"
[11:34] ---
    Shinomiya asked me straight out
    without any tricks!
[11:37] ---
    Wait, is there something behind it?
[11:42] ---
    It doesn't seem like it.
[11:47] ---
    Secretary Fujiwara,
    is Shinomiya acting strange today?
[11:50] ---
    You finally picked up on that?
[11:53] ---
    That's what we've been talking about.
[11:56] ---
    Huh? Really?
[11:57] ---
    What's got her feeling down?
[12:01] ---
    Maybe a relative passed.
[12:03] ---
    Or she has a stomachache.
[12:05] ---
    Or she stayed up late playing video games.
[12:08] ---
    You're the only one who does that.
[12:10] ---
    Maybe it has something to do
    with her broken phone yesterday.
[12:13] ---
    I don't know.
[12:15] ---
    I can't picture that.
[12:18] ---
    Kaguya's family policy is not to talk
    to outsiders about their problems.
[12:22] ---
    So, maybe it's not a good idea
    to even spitball about it.
[12:26] ---
    Yeah.
[12:27] ---
    Everyone is worried about her.
[12:29] ---
    Maybe she'll bring it up herself,
[12:32] ---
    so why don't we interact normally
    with her for a while?
[12:34] ---
    You're probably right.
[12:37] ---
    Their decision was to act normal.
[12:40] ---
    They decided not to treat her
    like a fragile flower.
[12:42] ---
    This might seem callous to an outsider...
[12:46] ---
    "KAGUYA SHINOMIYA"
[12:47] ---
    This is Shinomiya's account.
[12:50] ---
    Maybe I'll send her a message.
[12:51] ---
    ...but actually...
[12:53] ---
    That's right.
[12:54] ---
    ...it was the right thing to do.
[13:01] ---
    This is...
[13:02] ---
    "SHUCHIIN STUDENT COUNCIL GROUP"
[13:03] ---
    I just created a group
    for the student council, so join in.
[13:06] ---
    Okay!
[13:07] ---
    Roger that.
[13:08] ---
    So, you didn't have a group before now, huh?
[13:10] ---
    "PHEW"
[13:10] ---
    Thank goodness. I thought maybe I was
    the only one who didn't get an invite.
[13:14] ---
    I wouldn't do that to you.
[13:17] ---
    While we're at it,
    let's make a shared album!
[13:20] ---
    We can upload whatever photos we want!
[13:23] ---
    Then...
[13:25] ---
    I'm going to upload the photos
    from the sports festival.
[13:27] ---
    Is it okay if I send over
    all of my photos from Snow?
[13:30] ---
    Okeydokey!
[13:35] ---
    President decided beforehand to make a group
    only when you got a smartphone.
[13:41] ---
    He said he didn't want you to be left out.
[13:44] ---
    But this is good timing.
[13:46] ---
    Shinomiya wasn't able to transfer data
    from her old phone...
[13:51] ---
    ...and an empty phone is kind of sad.
[13:54] ---
    What Kaguya wanted to hold on to
[13:57] ---
    was the record of the ordinary days
    she'd shared with a certain someone.
[14:03] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL PHOTOS"
[14:04] ---
    Her photos were proof of that.
[14:08] ---
    Kaguya was feeling down
    because she had lost all of those pictures.
[14:14] ---
    However, if you share
    your precious memories with others...
SIGN    "Student council election results Miyuki Shirogane Miko lino"
[14:25] ---
    If they are truly precious...
[14:29] ---
    the people who share those memories with you
    will want to hold on to them, too.
[14:34] ---
    You secretly took these photos.
[14:36] ---
    How cute.
[14:39] ---
    There are so many...
[14:41] ---
    Because we took so many!
[14:43] ---
    When my flip phone got demolished,
    I thought I'd lost all of them.
[14:55] ---
    But instead, I gained
    a lot more than I had before.
[15:05] ---
    Shinomiya, didn't that model just come out?
[15:10] ---
    Lucky!
[15:11] ---
    That's the one with
    the smile detection feature, right?
[15:14] ---
    You should give it a try.
[15:17] ---
    How do I do it?
SIGN    "In recognition of your enthusiasm and achievements"
[15:19] ---
    Just like this.
[15:21] ---
    Now smile, Kaguya!
[15:26] ---
    It won't take a photo until you smile.
[15:28] ---
    You, too, lino?
[15:30] ---
    But I'm used to looking serious for photos.
[15:32] ---
    You, too, President.
[15:33] ---
    Okay.
[15:35] ---
    All right, everyone, big smiles!
[15:39] ---
    Jeez!
[15:41] ---
    Today's battle result...
SIGN    "KAGUYA WINS SHE SUCCESSFULLY MADE HER SMARTPHONE DEBUT"
[15:44] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[15:47] ---
    "Now let's the three of us girls
    make a heart sign with our hands!"
[15:48] ---
    "Huh? L-Like this?"
[15:50] ---
    "I'll make the bottom part
    with a peace sign..."
[15:54] ---
    You can pump it as many times as you want,
[15:56] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once.
[15:59] ---
    And whoever reaches the limit loses!
    Wanna play that game?
[16:03] ---
    A game where you can pump it
    as many times as you want,
[16:05] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once,
    and whoever reaches the limit loses?
[16:09] ---
    What is that?
[16:10] ---
    Let's do it! Let's do it! Let's do it!
[16:11] ---
    "CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO INFLATE"
[16:12] ---
    Fujiwara, please calm down.
[16:14] ---
    I don't understand
    the mechanics of this game.
[16:17] ---
    But why don't we give it a shot?
[16:19] ---
    Shall we?
[16:20] ---
    "BRAVO"
[16:20] ---
    Hooray for daring boys!
[16:23] ---
    I'll get it set up!
[16:26] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[16:26] ---
    Oh, this is what she was talking about!
[16:29] ---
    A game in which you can pump it
    as many times as you want,
[16:30] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once,
    and whoever reaches the limit loses?
[16:35] ---
    "LEARN THE GAME IN SECONDS!"
[16:36] ---
    Here are the rules!
[16:37] ---
    You take turns, with each person
    pumping as many times as they want,
[16:37] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[16:42] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once.
[16:46] ---
    You keep going until the balloon
    reaches its limit and bursts!
[16:46] ---
    "POP"
[16:48] ---
    I see.
[16:49] ---
    I thought you had some dirty game
    in mind at first...
[16:52] ---
    "GLOOM"
[16:52] ---
    Why aren't you two into it anymore?
[16:55] ---
    If we refused to participate now,
    that would be telling.
[16:57] ---
    It'd be totally obvious.
[16:59] ---
    I bet she set us up on purpose!
[17:02] ---
    I'd lay 50-50 odds on that.
[17:04] ---
    That girl is an eternal mystery.
[17:06] ---
    Where did you get this?
[17:08] ---
    At the end of the sports festival,
    we released balloons, remember?
[17:11] ---
    I thought throwing them all away
    would be a waste, so I kept a big one.
[17:14] ---
    That's very ecologically-minded of you!
[17:16] ---
    Kaguya and Miko,
    you two will play, too, won't you?
[17:19] ---
    Oh sure, after all that build-up.
[17:21] ---
    Well, if everyone else is going to do it...
[17:23] ---
    Then, the order will be President,
    Kaguya, Ishigami, me, and Miko!
[17:29] ---
    Let the game begin.
[17:31] ---
    Well, it's not like
    there's any punishment if I fail.
[17:34] ---
    Or I guess the punishment would be
    a balloon popping in your face.
[17:35] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:37] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:39] ---
    I don't mind that.
[17:39] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:40] ---
    It's all in fun.
[17:41] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:42] ---
    It's been a long time
    since I've played a low-stress game.
[17:43] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[17:45] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[17:46] ---
    Yay!
[17:54] ---
    "BOOM"
[17:54] ---
    Wait, you're really pumping it up!
[17:56] ---
    That's right!
[17:57] ---
    No, this is bad!
[17:59] ---
    If it pops right before my eyes,
    I'll be scared out of my wits!
[18:03] ---
    And if I'm scared out of my wits...
[18:05] ---
    Scared by a popping balloon...
[18:07] ---
    How cute.
[18:10] ---
    Calm down, man!
[18:12] ---
    Look!
[18:13] ---
    It doesn't faze Shinomiya at all!
[18:15] ---
    What kind of man am I
    if this terrifies me?
[18:18] ---
    Kaguya has never played this game
    in which you burst a balloon on purpose.
[18:25] ---
    So, naturally, she's nervous.
[18:27] ---
    Kaguya is a teenager after all.
[18:30] ---
    And like any teenager,
    she has a fear of the unknown.
[18:35] ---
    However...
[18:38] ---
    Jeez...
[18:40] ---
    What is it about this
    that you all find so frightening?
[18:43] ---
    Kaguya...
[18:45] ---
    You have to inflate the balloon
    with both hands!
[18:48] ---
    The calming ritual!
[18:52] ---
    No way! I'm scared! I don't wanna do this!
    Don't make me do this!
[18:55] ---
    I should never have said I would do it!
    What's fun about this? I hate it!
[18:57] ---
    Save me, Hayasaka!
[19:03] ---
    Go, go, Kaguya!
[19:04] ---
    You'll pay.
[19:06] ---
    I swear I'll make that balloon bimbo pay!
[19:10] ---
    "PUMP"
[19:11] ---
    Okay, Ishigami, you're next!
[19:13] ---
    After that impressive declaration,
    you only pump it once?
[19:15] ---
    You should talk, scaredy-cat Ishigami!
[19:18] ---
    A scaredy-cat?
[19:20] ---
    I sure was.
[19:21] ---
    Well...
[19:24] ---
    Watch this.
[19:25] ---
    Yu Ishigami has moved beyond fear.
[19:28] ---
    He has recently overcome numerous hardships
    and has taken a step forward in his life.
[19:34] ---
    That's right.
[19:36] ---
    The important thing
    is to keep your eyes wide open.
[19:38] ---
    I realized that I was afraid of so many things
    because I avoided looking at them.
[19:43] ---
    But if I take a good look, nothing will--
[19:44] ---
    "GLARE"
[19:46] ---
    I got a good look,
    and it scares the hell out of me!
[19:55] ---
    I'll wait for my chance to sneak out of here!
[19:56] ---
    Apparently, the entire
    sports festival arc was pointless.
[19:58] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:00] ---
    Okay, Fujiwara's next!
[20:02] ---
    You only pumped it once yourself, Ishigami.
[20:04] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[20:06] ---
    Would you like some tangerines?
[20:07] ---
    The rind of citrus fruits contains
    limonene which can dissolve rubber.
[20:07] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[20:11] ---
    If one drop of tangerine juice
    hits the balloon, it'll explode.
[20:13] ---
    I'll have some later.
[20:15] ---
    Regrettably, Kaguya's plan failed.
[20:17] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:19] ---
    Okay, Miko, you're up!
[20:21] ---
    You only pumped it once, Fujiwara.
[20:26] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:27] ---
    You can do it, Miko!
[20:30] ---
    Keep going!
[20:30] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[20:32] ---
    Okay.
[20:33] ---
    You've got more pumps in you!
[20:35] ---
    But...
SIGN    "FIRST-YEAR MIKO IINO IS PLAYING THAT GAME!!"
[20:36] ---
    And...
[20:37] ---
    At that moment, they all
    thought Fujiwara was scum.
[20:40] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[20:42] ---
    Show me that you've got what it takes
    to be the next student council president!
[20:44] ---
    The greater the fear, the more valuable
    the courage you can muster!
[20:47] ---
    That's true strength, lino!
[20:49] ---
    Yet, they all joined in.
[20:51] ---
    "OOOH OOOH"
[20:54] ---
    Is this enough?
[20:56] ---
    I don't think it can stand any more.
[21:03] ---
    "SWISH"
[21:04] ---
    That's right.
[21:04] ---
    This is a game of wits.
[21:06] ---
    If the balloon doesn't burst
    during my turn, I win.
[21:07] ---
    I'm only doing this because I want to win!
    It's not because I'm scared!
[21:14] ---
    Huh? Was that a bug?
[21:16] ---
    Yes, I saw it flying near you.
[21:18] ---
    The game is up!
[21:19] ---
    Even Kaguya can't hide her despair!
[21:23] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:24] ---
    Maybe she has issues with this kind of thing.
[21:27] ---
    Is she only participating because
    she didn't want to ruin it for everyone else?
[21:32] ---
    If so, then I...
[21:35] ---
    Miyuki...
[21:37] ---
    I'm not a good person.
[21:39] ---
    There isn't anything I can teach you.
[21:43] ---
    But...
[21:44] ---
    I want you to promise me just one thing.
[21:48] ---
    A man always protects
    the friends he loves...
[21:49] ---
    ...the woman he loves...
    when they're in trouble.
[21:54] ---
    He'll face any hardship if he has to.
[21:58] ---
    Become that kind of man.
[22:02] ---
    That's all I'm asking of you.
[22:05] ---
    Dad...
[22:07] ---
    The son recalled his father's words...
[22:10] ---
    All right, it's Shinomiya's turn!
[22:12] ---
    ...but completely ignored them.
[22:14] ---
    Well, good luck, Shinomiya!
[22:17] ---
    I'm having those tangerines now!
[22:20] ---
    To reiterate, the rind of citrus fruits
    contains limonene which can dissolve rubber,
[22:26] ---
    so if one drop of tangerine juice
    hits the balloon...
[22:31] ---
    My life is flashing before my eyes!
[22:32] ---
    I haven't accomplished anything yet!
[22:35] ---
    Sky burial!
[22:43] ---
    Thank you!
[22:52] ---
    I'm watching.
[22:58] ---
    Bye-bye, way to die!
[23:02] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:04] ---
    Results invalid.
[23:07] ---
    And so...
[23:11] ---
    Think, Miyuki Shirogane.
[23:13] ---
    Don't just reach out a hand here.
[23:15] ---
    Be smart and bold.
[23:17] ---
    Nonchalantly draw out
    Shinomiya's affection for you.
[23:21] ---
    This is your chance, Kaguya Shinomiya.
[23:23] ---
    Play up your girlishness...
[23:25] ---
    and let President take hold of your hand now
    when he's in a mentally weakened state.
[23:28] ---
    Are you okay, Shinomiya?
[23:30] ---
    Y-Yes.
[23:35] ---
    And then, if all goes well...
[23:40] ---
    I'll make him
    confess his love for me!
[23:45] ---
    The battle rages on...
[23:48] ---
    ...and on...
[23:49] ---
    ...and on...
[23:51] ---
    ...and continues!
[23:52] ---
    "CONFESSION"
[23:55] ---
    "THE 68th STUDENT COUNCIL"

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E1 - Miko Iino Wants to Be Soothed

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Oh, I'm going to have
    an orange now, okay?
[00:12] ---
    SEE YOU
[00:26] ---
    I am watching.
[00:32] ---
    Bye-bye, way to die!
[00:37] ---
    HOSHIN FESTIVAL
[00:39] ---
    THE 68th STUDENT COUNCIL
[00:53] ---
    Shuchiin Academy is back!
[00:59] ---
    Yuck. Only you, Ishigami?
[01:02] ---
    What do you mean, "yuck"?
[01:05] ---
    Is it that revolting to see only me here?
[01:06] ---
    MIKO IINO
    WANTS TO BE SOOTHED
[01:08] ---
    When did I ever say that?
[01:10] ---
    You might as well have.
[01:12] ---
    Anyway, what's the deal today?
    Where are President and the others?
[01:15] ---
    The second-years have assembly.
[01:17] ---
    You should know that
    if you're on the student council.
[01:20] ---
    I can't even keep my own grade's schedule
    straight, so how should I know?
[01:25] ---
    Just hearing your voice
    gives me a headache.
[01:28] ---
    Stop talking to me.
[01:30] ---
    She's wearing earphones
    to avoid hearing my voice?
[01:33] ---
    Not that it matters.
    I couldn't care less about you, either.
[01:42] ---
    Is that rain?
[01:47] ---
    No, those are ambient sounds!
[01:50] ---
    Hey...
[01:53] ---
    So, Iino doesn't realize that
    her earphones aren't plugged in all the way.
[01:58] ---
    Been there, done that. When everyone can hear
    your music leaking, and you're mortified.
[02:02] ---
    Should I let her know?
[02:05] ---
    But if I do, I just know she's going to start
    yapping at me like a stupid little dog.
[02:10] ---
    Oh well, it just so happens that I'm in the mood
    to hear some healing sounds.
[02:13] ---
    I should just leave it, right?
[02:17] ---
    SOOTHING I
[02:17] ---
    SOOTHING II
[02:20] ---
    What's this? The sounds
    of a construction site?
[02:24] ---
    No, this overpowering
    sense of vitality...
[02:26] ---
    A camel's bellow?
[02:28] ---
    No, come on!
    Who would use this as study music?
[02:31] ---
    What is this but pure noise?
[02:34] ---
    Wait, but she looks
    like she's totally chilling out!
[02:37] ---
    So Iino is eccentric, after all.
[02:40] ---
    I mean, she's smart but inefficient,
[02:42] ---
    and once she makes up her mind,
    nothing can change it.
[02:46] ---
    Even now, she's studying
    every spare second she's got.
[02:50] ---
    Well, maybe I should take a page
    from her book in that respect.
[02:53] ---
    No wonder she's so stressed.
[02:55] ---
    If this is what it takes to soothe her,
    then who am I to criticize her?
[02:58] ---
    SOOTHING II
[02:58] ---
    SOOTHING III
[03:00] ---
    Yes, you're awesome.
[03:03] ---
    You're trying so hard.
[03:05] ---
    You're perfect the way you are.
[03:07] ---
    You're such a good girl.
[03:09] ---
    It's all right.
    It's all right, I'm telling you.
[03:12] ---
    It's hard, isn't it?
[03:14] ---
    Go ahead and cry if you want to.
[03:16] ---
    Don't worry. I'm on your side.
[03:21] ---
    Scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary!
[03:24] ---
    What is this, brainwashing?
    Iino, listening to this soothes your soul?
[03:27] ---
    As if that camel wasn't bizarre enough!
    Where do they even sell this?
[03:30] ---
    "Moral Support
    from Heartthrobs" CD Vol. 3.
[03:33] ---
    You're fabulous.
    Be more confident in yourself.
[03:33] ---
    Yours for 1,980 yen
    via mail order only!
[03:36] ---
    That's right. Even though
    no one's been hurt more than you,
[03:37] ---
    No. I'm sure it's just sound samples
    from some weird site that slipped in somehow.
[03:41] ---
    who knew that you'd go so far
    for that person?
[03:41] ---
    It's not like Iino's listening to it
    because she wants to...
[03:44] ---
    You really are
    kindhearted.
[03:46] ---
    What a sincere girl
    you are.
[03:47] ---
    She looks more serene
    than she has all day!
[03:49] ---
    Oh man, it's too late!
[03:50] ---
    You're so cute.
[03:50] ---
    Now I can't let her know
    that I can hear it, too!
[03:52] ---
    So adorable...
    I want to hold you right now.
[03:53] ---
    If I were in her shoes, I'd die!
[03:55] ---
    Cute...
[03:55] ---
    Cuter...
[03:57] ---
    - Cutest!
    - Cutest!
[03:57] ---
    Hello!
[04:00] ---
    Fujiwara!
[04:01] ---
    That was close!
[04:02] ---
    Huh? I thought I heard
    someone else's voice just now.
[04:07] ---
    My throat's kinda scratchy, you know.
[04:09] ---
    Hey, you're listening to music, Miko!
[04:12] ---
    What are you listening to?
[04:13] ---
    What? Um...
[04:15] ---
    It's some light healing music.
[04:17] ---
    Oh...
[04:18] ---
    No, it was pretty heavy!
[04:20] ---
    Sorry to interrupt your studies!
[04:23] ---
    Oh no! Not at all!
[04:25] ---
    Hold on a second!
[04:26] ---
    What's your problem?
[04:28] ---
    Uh, how shall I put it?
[04:31] ---
    I'd like to consult you both.
[04:33] ---
    Consult us?
[04:34] ---
    Actually, uh...
[04:35] ---
    For me personally,
    it's a serious dilemma.
[04:38] ---
    There's this person named Tsubame
    on the Cheerleading Squad...
[04:42] ---
    Listen, will you?
[04:44] ---
    At least listen to the beginning!
    Is that how little interest you have in me?
[04:47] ---
    Yes.
[04:48] ---
    Of course it is!
[04:49] ---
    Dammit!
[04:50] ---
    Who do you think I'm going
    to all these desperate lengths for?
[04:53] ---
    But I guess if only Fujiwara hears it,
    there'd be no damage.
[04:56] ---
    G-Go on, okay?
[04:58] ---
    Hey! Come on!
[04:58] ---
    If Shinomiya and President heard, she'd die.
    But if it's just Fujiwara...
[04:59] ---
    We don't really need to hear it.
[05:01] ---
    But it sounds like a love story,
    don't you think?
[05:03] ---
    Sorry we're late!
[05:04] ---
    This timing!
[05:06] ---
    Oh, hello!
[05:07] ---
    Did these two have to show up
    at a time like this?
[05:07] ---
    Good afternoon.
[05:08] ---
    How are you doing?
[05:10] ---
    I'm exhausted.
[05:10] ---
    Being exposed to serious people like them
    will be a huge blow!
[05:12] ---
    I'm going to make some tea.
[05:13] ---
    YOUR EARPHONES
    ARE LOOSE
[05:14] ---
    What should I do?
    Should I just go ahead and tell her?
[05:17] ---
    That way, I can prevent the worst-case
    scenario of everyone finding out.
[05:20] ---
    But...
[05:21] ---
    What? Then you heard all that just now?
[05:24] ---
    Wow! Is this Golden Chip?
[05:26] ---
    Yes. I had it shipped
    directly from Sri Lanka.
[05:30] ---
    Miko, why don't you take a break?
[05:32] ---
    Oh no.
[05:33] ---
    I'm not finished.
[05:37] ---
    Right now, there's no one
    who can protect her...
[05:41] ---
    but me.
[05:58] ---
    Ishigami, Ishigami!
[06:00] ---
    Your earphones must not be
    plugged in all the way.
[06:02] ---
    Been there, done that.
[06:03] ---
    And what is that happy-go-lucky song?
[06:06] ---
    When she sees me totally disgraced like this,
[06:08] ---
    Iino should realize the danger
    and replug her earphones.
[06:11] ---
    This way, I can keep her secret safe.
    And Iino herself will be none the wiser.
[06:15] ---
    Could you be more scatterbrained, Ishigami?
[06:18] ---
    Even I'm embarrassed!
[06:23] ---
    Say what you want.
[06:26] ---
    I did this on my own.
    Not because I wanted you to thank me.
[06:30] ---
    I'm okay with this.
[06:32] ---
    All right, I'm going back to studying.
[06:44] ---
    Ah, you're so sweet.
    You really are adorable.
[06:48] ---
    Enchanté... My petit mignon...
[06:52] ---
    Everyone's head over heels
    in love with you.
[06:55] ---
    I wouldn't call it "head over heels," idiot!
[06:57] ---
    Today's battle result...
[06:59] ---
    Ishigami and Iino lose.
[07:01] ---
    THE STUDENT COUNCIL MEMBERS HEAD HOME
    AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
[07:07] ---
    KAGUYA DOESN'T REALIZE
[07:11] ---
    Welcome home.
[07:12] ---
    I'm back.
[07:15] ---
    Hey, gotten the hang
    of your smartphone yet?
[07:15] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[07:17] ---
    Now, how should I reply?
[07:17] ---
    FLUTTER
    FLUTTER
[07:20] ---
    LINE debut!
[07:21] ---
    She'd finally made her
    smartphone debut the other day
[07:24] ---
    which meant that she'd also
    made her LINE debut!
[07:27] ---
    Lady Kaguya, you've been staring
    at your smartphone for two hours now.
[07:31] ---
    You should send your reply
    sooner than later, don't you think?
[07:34] ---
    There's really no need to rush, is there?
[07:37] ---
    After all, it's not as if he knows
    when I've seen his message.
[07:41] ---
    What?
[07:42] ---
    Even if my reply is tardy, all I have to do
    is apologize and say I only just saw his message.
[07:47] ---
    No...
[07:49] ---
    Not being used to the flick input technique,
[07:51] ---
    Kaguya still has yet to send
    a single message herself!
[07:54] ---
    So, a certain hypothesis
    presents itself to Hayasaka!
[07:57] ---
    Could it be that Lady Kaguya is unaware
    of the read receipt system?
[08:01] ---
    Read receipts!
[08:03] ---
    In LINE, the moment
    your recipient opens the chat window...
[08:06] ---
    the message you sent is marked "Read"
    and a notification appears onscreen.
[08:06] ---
    What are you up to?
[08:09] ---
    READ
[08:10] ---
    While it's a convenient function
    that allows you to confirm your messages,
[08:13] ---
    it's also an unforgiving system that
    invalidates the excuse "I haven't read it yet!"
[08:15] ---
    IT SAYS "READ,"
    BUT THERE'S
    NO ANSWER!!
[08:18] ---
    It has been two hours
    since Kaguya's read receipt popped up!
[08:20] ---
    Shirogane is in a state of slight frenzy!
[08:23] ---
    It says "Read," but I haven't heard back yet!
[08:26] ---
    If you even try to get away
    with saying "I just read it now"...
[08:29] ---
    you'll be instantly outed as a liar!
[08:30] ---
    It could even expose the fact that you'd been
    staring at your smartphone the whole time!
[08:34] ---
    Hayasaka wasn't sure what to do.
[08:36] ---
    Should she explain the concept
    of read receipts to Kaguya
[08:38] ---
    or remain silent?
[08:40] ---
    But considering the uproar that would ensue
    if Kaguya found out that she'd held out on her...
[08:44] ---
    Lady Kaguya, the thing about LINE—
[08:47] ---
    Another message from President!
[08:49] ---
    Instant read receipt!
[08:51] ---
    Really, how impatient you are.
[08:54] ---
    When you have
    the sender's chat window open...
[08:56] ---
    What's wrong?
    Don't know
    how to use it?
[08:56] ---
    a read receipt is generated
    the instant the text arrives!
[09:00] ---
    You might as well be saying,
    "I'm looking at your chat window now."
[09:03] ---
    READ
[09:04] ---
    Instant read receipt!
[09:06] ---
    So she is looking at it right now!
[09:08] ---
    What is an instant read receipt during an inactive
    chat but a signal that you're monitoring texts?
[09:11] ---
    At that point,
    you've reached stalker territory!
[09:12] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[09:13] ---
    Did you have President's chat window open
    when you received the first two messages?
[09:18] ---
    Yes, I did.
[09:19] ---
    Three instant read receipts
    in a row, no less!
[09:21] ---
    Hayasaka goes pale!
[09:23] ---
    Shirogane is bewildered!
[09:24] ---
    Kaguya stretches!
[09:26] ---
    Kei limbers up!
[09:28] ---
    The only one unaware of this crisis is Kaguya!
[09:30] ---
    Looks like I should let him panic a bit longer.
[09:33] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[09:36] ---
    When you text someone, you need to
    tell them that you just saw it.
[09:39] ---
    You don't have to tell me that.
[09:42] ---
    Oh, it's a text from Miss Fujiwara.
[09:43] ---
    Hayasaka opted not to explain.
[09:45] ---
    Eating ramen
    with my
    glasses on
    fogs them up
    like CRAZY
[09:48] ---
    MISS FUJIWARA
[09:50] ---
    At a time like this...
[09:53] ---
    What... is... this?
[09:56] ---
    What is this?
[09:57] ---
    READ
[09:57] ---
    What?
[09:59] ---
    What is this word, "Read"?
    Don't tell me that...
[10:03] ---
    If I answer Miss Fujiwara,
    the exchange will be lengthy.
[10:06] ---
    I can respond later.
[10:09] ---
    Oh. Texts from Ishigami and Iino, too.
[10:12] ---
    Ishigami here.
    Nice to connect.
[10:13] ---
    How am I supposed to react to this?
[10:16] ---
    Hello, it's Iino!
    So you've made
    your smartphone
    debut at last,
    Shinomiya!
    Please text me
    whenever you feel
    like it, it would
    thrill me to no end!
[10:16] ---
    MIKO
[10:17] ---
    She's a totally different person away from school.
[10:19] ---
    Let's see, Iino says...
[10:21] ---
    Lady Kaguya, in LINE, you must reply to texts
    in the order that you received them.
[10:24] ---
    What? Is that what's expected?
[10:27] ---
    Yes. That's the proper etiquette.
[10:29] ---
    Hayasaka just lied as easily
    as she would draw a breath.
[10:32] ---
    TRUTH
[10:33] ---
    LIE
[10:34] ---
    Fine. President first, right?
[10:38] ---
    I've sent it!
[10:42] ---
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
    Sorry, I just saw
    your message now...
[10:42] ---
    Seriously, you just read it?
[10:44] ---
    Why would you tell such a blatant lie?
[10:47] ---
    Shinomiya doesn't know
    about read receipts, does she?
[10:49] ---
    In that case, I should avoid
    generating read receipts, right?
[10:52] ---
    Fake unreads!
[10:54] ---
    The first few lines of a text are displayed
    on a smartphone's notification screen.
[10:58] ---
    If all you do is look at that,
    no read receipt notification will be sent.
[11:01] ---
    This would prevent any read receipts
    from showing up on Kaguya's smartphone.
[11:06] ---
    I see, so Shinomiya's been staring
    at my chat window all this time.
[11:10] ---
    For two whole hours!
[11:13] ---
    She would only do that
    for someone she was into, right?
[11:15] ---
    Yes! Sufficient grounds
    to force Kaguya to admit her feelings!
[11:19] ---
    However, if her excuse was that she'd disabled
    sleep mode and left the chat window open,
[11:26] ---
    this would validate the claim "I just saw this"
    even after consecutive read receipts.
[11:30] ---
    So, I need to extract
    a commitment of some kind.
[11:33] ---
    But he can't send a message
    without opening the chat window.
[11:36] ---
    However, opening the chat window
    would generate a read receipt. A Catch-22!
[11:40] ---
    That hurts!
[11:41] ---
    There's the option of emailing her,
    but that might seem suspicious.
[11:45] ---
    In that case, I should text her
    from the group chat!
[11:47] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL NETWORK
    "Have you tweaked
    your smartphone settings?"
    READ
    "For example, turned off
    the sleep mode function?"
    READ
[11:48] ---
    If I use the group chat window,
    there'll be no read receipt, right?
[11:48] ---
    I haven't really done
    any tinkering.
[11:53] ---
    READ
[11:53] ---
    What? "Read"?
[11:57] ---
    Oh, here's another message from Iino.
[11:59] ---
    Please don't leave me on read
[11:59] ---
    Hey!
    And do you want to exchange
    phone numbers?
[12:00] ---
    Leave on read? What's that?
[12:03] ---
    You have a call from President!
[12:05] ---
    You need to pick up now!
[12:06] ---
    Wait! How did she know I read it?
[12:08] ---
    Hurry up and answer!
[12:09] ---
    SHIROGANE
    INCOMING CALL
[12:09] ---
    Oh!
[12:10] ---
    Really!
[12:15] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya...
[12:16] ---
    How are you?
[12:17] ---
    President...
[12:18] ---
    How may I help you?
[12:20] ---
    Since you're new to using LINE,
    I thought I'd offer you some tips.
[12:25] ---
    Shinomiya, do you know
    what a read receipt is?
[12:29] ---
    Shinomiya...
[12:30] ---
    Do you know what a read receipt is?
[12:33] ---
    When a message is displayed in the app,
[12:35] ---
    a read notification is sent to the sender
    when you display a message in the app.
[12:37] ---
    In other words, the sender can see
    when you've read their message.
[12:45] ---
    Come to think of it, the three messages
    I sent you at different intervals
[12:48] ---
    were all marked as "Read"
    the instant I hit "Send."
[12:51] ---
    What exactly does that mean, I wonder.
[12:55] ---
    The system wouldn't send a notification
    unless you had the chat window open.
[13:00] ---
    But they were all marked as "Read" right away.
[13:04] ---
    You had our chat window open
    the whole time.
[13:07] ---
    There's just no other explanation.
[13:12] ---
    I can take your silence as a yes, then?
[13:17] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:18] ---
    Could it be that you have feelings for—
[13:20] ---
    You couldn't be more wrong.
[13:21] ---
    What?
[13:23] ---
    DO SOMETHING
    ABOUT THIS
[13:23] ---
    That voice...
[13:25] ---
    Is that you, Hayasaca?
[13:26] ---
    Yes.
[13:27] ---
    Lady Kaguya's messages are always screened
    via computer by the household staff.
[13:31] ---
    That's why some get marked
    as "Instantly Read."
[13:34] ---
    What?
[13:34] ---
    People really do that?
[13:37] ---
    That's the norm
    among the upper classes.
[13:39] ---
    It's actually the norm!
[13:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya would never spend two whole hours
    glued to her smartphone, would she?
[13:46] ---
    Of course not.
[13:48] ---
    WELL DONE
[13:48] ---
    Kaguya is off the hook!
[13:55] ---
    Does this mean the staff's read
    every text I've sent until now?
[13:59] ---
    Since then,
[13:59] ---
    MULTIPLE
    MESSAGES
    DUE TO HIS
    IMPATIENCE
[14:00] ---
    From: President
    I was trying
    to tell you something
    as you hung up the phone.
    Looks like tonight will get
    pretty cold, so stay warm
    when you go to sleep.
    Good night.
[14:01] ---
    texting Kaguya has become
    a colossal pain for Shirogane.
[14:01] ---
    CHEESY
    EMAIL
[14:04] ---
    Could it be that she hates me?
[14:09] ---
    No response.
[14:11] ---
    Today's battle result...
[14:12] ---
    Iino, Fujiwara
    and Ishigami lose.
[14:20] ---
    The look on the face of someone
    who thoroughly explained,
    "LINE's fine and all,
    but Discord's pretty good, too"
    and got blank stares in return.
[14:25] ---
    MOMOKO-CHAN
    THE MULTICOLORED DOVE
[14:26] ---
    WHINE
    WHINE
[14:31] ---
    I give up! My arms are dead!
[14:32] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO BATTLE
[14:33] ---
    You're such a slacker, Ishigami.
[14:35] ---
    And you call yourself a man?
[14:37] ---
    That's called "sexism," you know.
[14:40] ---
    There you go again, being tedious.
[14:42] ---
    Then let me put it another way.
    As a human, you're a slacker, Ishigami.
[14:46] ---
    That stings even more.
[14:50] ---
    This isn't even that heavy!
[14:53] ---
    Ishigami, you need to eat more meat
    so you can build more muscle!
[14:57] ---
    Or you'll never survive
    once you're out in the real world.
[14:59] ---
    Improbable machismo.
[15:02] ---
    Say what you want. I'm still a guy.
[15:05] ---
    I'm more muscular
    than a female like you.
[15:08] ---
    Hey, Miko...
[15:09] ---
    Wanna arm wrestle?
[15:11] ---
    Huh? Well, sure, I guess.
[15:15] ---
    All right, let's do this!
[15:17] ---
    Ready, set—
[15:17] ---
    SMIRK
[15:19] ---
    Ouch!
[15:19] ---
    SLAM
[15:21] ---
    Ishigami, I have a feeling...
[15:23] ---
    that you see me as just an intellectual,
    purehearted girl, don't you?
[15:27] ---
    No. Not in the least.
[15:30] ---
    I'm conscientious
    about taking care of myself.
[15:32] ---
    I have zero cavities, and I run
    in Yoyogi Park on the weekends.
[15:36] ---
    WITH
    CONFIDENCE
[15:36] ---
    I happen to be a low-sugar,
    low-carb girl who never goes to bed
[15:38] ---
    without doing weight training
    for 30 minutes!
[15:40] ---
    In terms of muscle mass, there's no way
    that I'd be inferior to a shut-in NEET like you!
[15:45] ---
    Someone's full of bluster.
[15:47] ---
    It may not be obvious,
    but I was a jock-type in junior high.
[15:50] ---
    Sorry, but I'm not so fragile
    that I'd be outdone by women and children.
[15:53] ---
    Is that right?
[15:55] ---
    Then I propose a contest to decide!
[15:58] ---
    The student council...
[15:59] ---
    will face off
    in an arm wrestling tournament!
[16:01] ---
    THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    ARM WRESTLING
    TOURNAMENT
[16:02] ---
    I'll be glad to take you on!
[16:04] ---
    All of us?
[16:05] ---
    Arm wrestling!
[16:07] ---
    A battle of strength needing no explanation!
[16:09] ---
    A game that separates the strong from the weak
    based solely on one's physique and muscular strength!
[16:15] ---
    This tournament will decide
    the best and the worst!
[16:19] ---
    LAST PLACE
[16:19] ---
    #1
[16:19] ---
    What's wrong with just deciding who's #1?
[16:22] ---
    Not good enough!
    We're going to settle this once and for all!
[16:25] ---
    A society that allows the weak to go about
    their lives oblivious to their own weakness
[16:29] ---
    is due for a reset!
[16:31] ---
    Scary.
[16:34] ---
    Still, arm wrestling, huh?
[16:36] ---
    Hold on.
[16:37] ---
    That means I'll have
    Shinomiya's hand in mine.
[16:40] ---
    Pwesident...
[16:41] ---
    Pwease be gentle with me.
[16:43] ---
    All right, I'm in! I'm a man, too!
[16:45] ---
    REFEREE
[16:46] ---
    If you're all going to take part...
[16:48] ---
    The arm wrestling tournament is on!
[16:49] ---
    THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    ARM WRESTLING
    TOURNAMENT
[16:51] ---
    Here are the results of the draw!
[16:51] ---
    KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE
[16:51] ---
    KING
[16:54] ---
    Match #1!
[16:55] ---
    MEGURO-KU
[16:55] ---
    MINATO-KU
[16:56] ---
    Ishigami versus Kaguya!
[16:58] ---
    Referee, may I have a word with you?
[17:01] ---
    What is it?
[17:02] ---
    I'm actually left-handed.
[17:05] ---
    What? Are you really?
[17:06] ---
    But you normally hold your pen
    in your right hand, don't you?
[17:09] ---
    That's because I was trained that way.
[17:12] ---
    But in terms of strength,
    my dominant hand would be my left.
[17:15] ---
    Um, how should we handle
    a situation like this?
[17:18] ---
    I'm fine with using my left hand.
[17:20] ---
    After all, I'm a man.
[17:22] ---
    She wouldn't be able to make
    a match of it without a handicap.
[17:25] ---
    Thank you very much.
[17:28] ---
    All right, then...
[17:30] ---
    Ready... Fight!
[17:34] ---
    Huh?
[17:36] ---
    A rock?
[17:39] ---
    What's her deal?
[17:41] ---
    I'm pushing and pulling,
    and she's not even budging!
[17:43] ---
    Huh? That condescending look
    in Shinomiya's eyes... So scary!
[17:48] ---
    The bow Kaguya uses in the archery club
    has a draw weight of 15 kg.
[17:51] ---
    This is the same draw weight
    used by most male high school students.
[17:56] ---
    Furthermore, Kaguya has gained solid
    muscle mass in her left hand over the years.
[17:59] ---
    Ishigami, whose muscles are below-average
    for boys his age, doesn't stand a chance!
[18:03] ---
    Heave-ho, there we go, heave-ho!
[18:07] ---
    Shinomiya wins!
[18:09] ---
    Ishigami loses!
[18:11] ---
    Huh?
[18:12] ---
    WEAKLING
[18:12] ---
    All right, why don't you put this on?
[18:16] ---
    So cute!
[18:18] ---
    I just created another cute one!
[18:20] ---
    Come on, look at me!
[18:21] ---
    KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE
[18:21] ---
    KING
[18:21] ---
    So Shinomiya won.
[18:22] ---
    LAST PLACE
[18:24] ---
    That means I have to win, too.
[18:27] ---
    Match #2!
[18:27] ---
    SHIBUYA-KU
[18:27] ---
    SETAGAYA-KU
[18:28] ---
    Shirogane versus Fujiwara!
[18:33] ---
    My opponent is Fujiwara.
[18:35] ---
    I really don't see myself losing to a girl.
[18:39] ---
    But Ishigami did in fact just lose now.
[18:43] ---
    President...
[18:44] ---
    SQUEEZE
    SQUEEZE
[18:44] ---
    Let's fight fair and square, okay?
[18:47] ---
    You got it.
[18:47] ---
    All right, then, ready...
[18:49] ---
    SQUEEZE
    SQUEEZE
[18:49] ---
    You cad.
[18:51] ---
    Fight!
[18:52] ---
    THUNK
[18:54] ---
    What's this?
    She's stronger than she looks!
[18:59] ---
    Referee? Is this legal?
[19:01] ---
    Huh? Is what legal?
[19:03] ---
    I'm talking about Miss Fujiwara's hand position.
[19:06] ---
    Compared to President, Miss Fujiwara's hand is
    disproportionately positioned toward his fingertips.
[19:10] ---
    Obviously, she can easily
    generate more power
[19:11] ---
    FULCRUM
[19:11] ---
    ADVANTAGEOUS
[19:11] ---
    DISADVANTAGEOUS
[19:12] ---
    by gripping his fingertips,
    thanks to the principle of leverage.
[19:16] ---
    SQUEEZE
    SQUEEZE
[19:16] ---
    Earlier, when they were grappling,
[19:18] ---
    I saw her casually slide her grip
    near his fingertips.
[19:21] ---
    This gives Miss Fujiwara
    a one-sided advantage.
[19:25] ---
    What?
[19:26] ---
    Fujiwara...
[19:28] ---
    See, I knew you'd stoop that low!
[19:28] ---
    BLUSH
    BLUSH
[19:29] ---
    Is that how bad you want to win?
[19:31] ---
    How sneaky is that?
[19:32] ---
    RULES
[19:32] ---
    Cheating is as easy as breathing for you!
[19:33] ---
    CHEAT
[19:34] ---
    I recorded the whole thing,
    so I'll send it to you later!
[19:34] ---
    BLUSH
    BLUSH
[19:36] ---
    FLOP
[19:38] ---
    President wins.
[19:40] ---
    Good work, Senpai!
[19:43] ---
    This is for you!
[19:46] ---
    IDEALS
[19:47] ---
    Anyway,
[19:48] ---
    here are our two finalists.
[19:51] ---
    President...
[19:52] ---
    Let's fight fair and square, okay?
[19:55] ---
    President...
[19:55] ---
    The final showdown!
[19:58] ---
    Kaguya versus Shirogane!
[19:59] ---
    SHIROGANE
[19:59] ---
    KAGUYA
[20:04] ---
    Let's get this over with
    and get back to work.
[20:09] ---
    Yes. I plan on doing just that.
[20:16] ---
    All right, then, ready...
[20:19] ---
    Fight!
[20:21] ---
    GO
[20:23] ---
    It's a close match!
[20:25] ---
    This is beyond intense!
[20:26] ---
    Neither one is conceding any ground!
[20:28] ---
    It's pride versus pride, crashing into each other!
[20:33] ---
    I don't think this is safe!
[20:36] ---
    What's going on here?
[20:40] ---
    Look at how abnormally flushed they both are!
[20:44] ---
    Excessive adrenaline secretion!
[20:46] ---
    At this moment, their muscles have gone
    beyond all human limits!
[20:49] ---
    If they keep this up,
    their arms will become useless!
[20:52] ---
    No way! Why...
[20:55] ---
    Why would you make
    that much of an effort?
[20:58] ---
    At a glance, this looks
    like a deathmatch!
[21:02] ---
    However...
[21:04] ---
    it was actually quite moderate.
[21:08] ---
    This moment gripping each other's hands
    was unexpectedly blissful.
[21:10] ---
    HOLDING TIGHT
[21:13] ---
    Shinomiya never had
    any intention of winning.
[21:15] ---
    She was maintaining this position by exerting
    slightly more strength than her opponent.
[21:19] ---
    Shirogane intended to win in the end
[21:21] ---
    but also determined
    that he had the upper hand anyway.
[21:24] ---
    Both contestants were striving
    to prolong the match!
[21:30] ---
    One more minute,
    and I'll go down in defeat with grace.
[21:32] ---
    I'm actually starting to sweat.
[21:36] ---
    Sweat?
[21:38] ---
    My hand is sweaty?
[21:43] ---
    Nooooo!
[21:46] ---
    SLAM
[21:50] ---
    The winner of this nail-biter is Shinomiya!
[21:53] ---
    Hooray!
[21:57] ---
    You two were great! Good job!
[22:01] ---
    Our first Muscle Queen is...
[22:03] ---
    MUSCLE QUEEN
[22:04] ---
    LAST PLACE
[22:04] ---
    KAGUYA ISHIGAMI FUJIWARA SHIROGANE
[22:04] ---
    Shinomiya!
[22:07] ---
    Congratulations!
[22:08] ---
    "Muscle Queen"?
[22:09] ---
    - That's our Kaguya!
    - Unbelievable!
[22:12] ---
    Starting today, this is
    how we should refer to you, Kaguya!
[22:18] ---
    Princess Muscle.
[22:20] ---
    "Princess Muscle"?
[22:22] ---
    Once upon a time, there were people called "Elderly Builders." They were plucked from gyms and made to compete in all kinds of tournaments.
    Among these builders was one whose muscles sparkled. Finding this strange, I moved closer and found that he was shining from inside his muscles. Once I saw that, how powerful this tiny man seemed to me.
[22:26] ---
    Muscle! Muscle! Muscle!
[22:39] ---
    P-Please stop!
[22:41] ---
    Please!
[22:43] ---
    Stop that!
[22:47] ---
    Muscle! Muscle! Muscle! Muscle!
[22:55] ---
    That last bit of torque...
[22:57] ---
    was impressive.
[23:00] ---
    You won. No doubt about it, Shinomiya.
[23:05] ---
    I mean...
[23:07] ---
    Muscle Queen!
[23:09] ---
    Nooooo!
[23:15] ---
    KAGUYA (MUSCLE QUEEN) WINS
[23:15] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:17] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[23:20] ---
    Ready...
[23:21] ---
    Fight!
[24:51] ---
    TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT
    KAGUYA (MUSCLE QUEEN) WINS
[24:53] ---
    Yes!
[24:54] ---
    My arm's broken!

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E2 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Mediate

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    By the way...
[01:32] ---
    Why does Iino hate you so much, Ishigami?
[01:32] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO MEDIATE
[01:35] ---
    Well...
[01:36] ---
    You know how I'm always breaking the rules.
[01:39] ---
    Iino's on the Disciplinary Committee,
    so she can't stand people like me.
[01:43] ---
    Are you sure that's the only reason?
[01:45] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[01:45] ---
    Ishigami!
[01:46] ---
    Maybe you did something
    without realizing it.
[01:49] ---
    But I haven't done anything.
[01:52] ---
    You know how she's always
    playing with fire?
[01:55] ---
    I'm like her behind-the-scenes fixer.
[01:56] ---
    I'M HER FIXER
[02:00] ---
    So it's actually for her own good.
[02:02] ---
    Well, right.
[02:04] ---
    Yet, she's always chewing me out.
[02:07] ---
    Would it kill her to show a little gratitude?
[02:11] ---
    Well, she'll never know how you feel
    unless you tell her yourself.
[02:14] ---
    Being pushy's not my style.
[02:18] ---
    Miko, it's been a while now
    since you joined the student council.
[02:21] ---
    Are you getting along with everyone?
[02:22] ---
    Um...
[02:23] ---
    It's been going well lately.
[02:26] ---
    GRIN
[02:26] ---
    At first, there were times
    when I misread the situation just a tiny bit.
[02:26] ---
    PRESIDENT IS A MAN WHORE!!
[02:29] ---
    You're willing to let it slide, then.
[02:32] ---
    To be honest,
    sometimes I wonder about them.
[02:32] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[02:34] ---
    They go into play mode
    and start fooling around at the drop of a hat.
[02:37] ---
    And you can't stomach
    that kind of thing, can you, Miko?
[02:39] ---
    But everyone's so nice to me
    that I can't help letting it go.
[02:44] ---
    You always end up forgiving people
    the second they're nice to you.
[02:47] ---
    Of course I have nothing against Fujiwara,
[02:49] ---
    but Shinomiya nor Shirogane
    aren't bad people, either.
[02:53] ---
    GRIN
[02:53] ---
    The hopeless one is Ishigami.
[02:55] ---
    Why do you hate him so much?
[02:57] ---
    What do you mean, why? You know
    as well as anyone the lengths I go to for him!
[03:02] ---
    BOW
    BOW
[03:02] ---
    Endlessly apologizing whenever the Disciplinary
    Committee president gets miffed at Ishigami!
[03:05] ---
    Toning down Ishigami's infractions in the
    Disciplinary Records so they seem more benign!
[03:06] ---
    HMM...
[03:09] ---
    SNARL
[03:09] ---
    While he was suspended, I met
    with his teachers repeatedly to work out a deal!
[03:12] ---
    GROWL
    GROWL
[03:13] ---
    After going to bat for him
    numerous times, what does he say to me?
[03:17] ---
    Seriously, you should take off those blinders
    once in a while.
[03:20] ---
    How can he talk down to me like that?
[03:22] ---
    ARGH
    ARGH
[03:22] ---
    That's what infuriates me beyond belief!
    Just who does he think he is?
[03:25] ---
    But it's actually mutual.
[03:28] ---
    Why don't you tell Ishigami how you feel?
    I think he'd thank you if you did that.
[03:33] ---
    I don't wanna do that!
[03:34] ---
    Justice seeks nothing in return, right?
[03:37] ---
    People are moved precisely because they're shown
    kindness that seeks nothing in return.
[03:41] ---
    That's right.
    Just like this Stella-like person!
[03:45] ---
    Yes, I remember. That was when I'd hit rock bottom,
    ostracized by everyone around me.
[03:50] ---
    Did you have to end up going there?
[03:51] ---
    Then I found an envelope on my desk.
[03:52] ---
    I've heard that story at least 11 times.
[03:53] ---
    And inside it I found...
[03:55] ---
    And...
[03:57] ---
    that was when the two
    happened to cross paths.
[03:59] ---
    Ugh.
[04:00] ---
    What that's supposed to mean, ugh?
[04:02] ---
    HOSTILE HOSTILE
[04:05] ---
    Can't they be a little...
[04:07] ---
    ...more civil to each other at least?
[04:09] ---
    This is the day that their overseers first met.
[04:13] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[04:14] ---
    So...
[04:15] ---
    I'd like you two
    to get along a little more.
[04:18] ---
    Huh?
[04:19] ---
    You're our treasurer
    and our auditor after all.
[04:21] ---
    You have to be somewhat civil
    or it'll impact your work.
[04:25] ---
    Well, of course.
[04:27] ---
    But...
[04:27] ---
    it's physically impossible for me.
[04:29] ---
    I'd rather not even see him
    if I can help it.
[04:31] ---
    You sure can talk like a fiend
    while keeping a straight face.
[04:34] ---
    How am I supposed to be friends
    with someone who talks like that?
[04:37] ---
    That's what we thought you'd say,
    so we came fully prepared.
[04:40] ---
    THE ISHIGAMI-IINO
    FRIENDSHIP
    PLAN
[04:41] ---
    We call it "The Ishigami-Iino
    Friendship Plan."
[04:41] ---
    TA-DA
[04:44] ---
    Friendship Plan?
[04:46] ---
    We're going to give you
    a series of missions,
[04:46] ---
    MISSION 1
[04:49] ---
    MISSION 1
    MISSION 2
[04:50] ---
    and we want you
    to clear them together.
[04:51] ---
    MISSION 1
    MISSION 2
    MISSION 3
[04:52] ---
    And before you know it, you'll be besties.
    It's a magical project.
[04:56] ---
    It sounds seriously sketchy.
    What are we supposed to do?
[04:58] ---
    Okay, this is your first mission.
[05:01] ---
    Mission 1.
[05:01] ---
    COMPLIMENT
    EACH OTHER!
[05:03] ---
    BAM
[05:03] ---
    "Won't They Realize All the Good Things About
    Each Other If They Heap on the Compliments?"
[05:07] ---
    Huh?
[05:09] ---
    Over my dead body!
[05:09] ---
    SHOUT
    SHOUT
[05:10] ---
    Become friends by complimenting each other?
    How simplistic is that?
[05:12] ---
    Preposterous!
    Even Chika Fujiwara isn't that stupid!
[05:15] ---
    Totally lame!
[05:15] ---
    BOO
    BOO
[05:16] ---
    The worst idea ever!
[05:18] ---
    Excuse me. Please keep your criticism
    of this plan to yourselves.
[05:21] ---
    Can't you see how hurt President is?
[05:22] ---
    FORLORN...
[05:23] ---
    Huh? This was President's idea?
[05:25] ---
    OOPS OOPS
[05:26] ---
    I really racked my brain over this.
[05:27] ---
    TEARY-EYED...
[05:29] ---
    Hey, it's a brilliant idea!
[05:30] ---
    Extremely educational!
[05:33] ---
    I guess we're just
    going to have to do it, then.
[05:35] ---
    No way around it, is there?
[05:38] ---
    Your good points, Iino...
[05:40] ---
    Well, there's more than a few.
[05:42] ---
    You're diligent and a good student.
[05:45] ---
    And also, you know...
[05:47] ---
    You are an honest person.
[05:49] ---
    Well!
[05:51] ---
    That wasn't so hard, was it?
[05:56] ---
    This might actually be quite effective.
[05:58] ---
    Come on. It's your turn, Iino.
[06:01] ---
    W-Well, then...
[06:05] ---
    What I like about you, Ishigami...
[06:11] ---
    What am I going to do?
[06:12] ---
    I can't think of a single one!
[06:14] ---
    Huh?
[06:15] ---
    Listen, you! Play the game!
[06:17] ---
    Look how dejected President is!
[06:18] ---
    I can't help it if I come up empty!
[06:20] ---
    You have zero observation skills,
    you moronic woman!
[06:22] ---
    It's your own fault
    for not having any good qualities!
[06:25] ---
    SHOUT SHOUT
[06:26] ---
    I think they're actually
    on worse terms now.
[06:29] ---
    No, this is where we start
    getting serious.
[06:31] ---
    EAR CLEANING
[06:32] ---
    BAM
[06:34] ---
    Ear cleaning is similar in some ways
    to animal grooming, right?
[06:37] ---
    If you do this, then it's only a matter of—
[06:40] ---
    Iino, could you stop glaring at me?
[06:41] ---
    Who's doing who?
[06:43] ---
    As if I'd ever let you
    put your head on my thighs.
[06:46] ---
    Then I'll do it.
[06:47] ---
    As if I'd ever put my head on your thighs!
[06:50] ---
    Then what are we supposed to do?
[06:52] ---
    This is what!
[06:53] ---
    Don't face upward! You'll spit on me!
[06:56] ---
    And are you happy with this?
[07:02] ---
    SCRAPE...
[07:04] ---
    SCRAPE...
[07:05] ---
    SCRAPE...
[07:06] ---
    This is so not what I was envisioning.
[07:07] ---
    SCRAPE...
[07:08] ---
    SCRAPE...
[07:09] ---
    FEED EACH OTHER
[07:12] ---
    GRASP
[07:12] ---
    Those aren't weapons, all right?
[07:15] ---
    MUNCH
    MUNCH
[07:16] ---
    As of now, we've received
    one blow apiece.
[07:18] ---
    CARRY HER
    LIKE A PRINCESS
[07:21] ---
    POCKY GAME
[07:27] ---
    I'm all out of ideas!
[07:29] ---
    Come on, this is Fujiwara's domain!
[07:31] ---
    I have no talent for this kind of thing!
[07:34] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[07:35] ---
    How can I make them get along,
    for crying out loud?
[07:42] ---
    You two are such a good match, aren't you?
[07:44] ---
    - Huh?
    - In what world?
[07:46] ---
    Because from where I sit,
    it really looks like...
[07:48] ---
    You know, how you can't stop yourself
    from being mean to the one you like?
[07:51] ---
    Typical teen behavior, isn't it?
[07:54] ---
    When you say "I hate you," it only sounds
    like you're covering up your embarrassment.
[07:59] ---
    President? President?
[08:03] ---
    I like you quite a lot, Ishigami.
[08:08] ---
    Ah yeah.
[08:09] ---
    Me, too. Me, too.
[08:10] ---
    I like you quite a lot, Ishigami.
[08:15] ---
    Ah yeah.
[08:16] ---
    Me, too. Me, too.
[08:17] ---
    I like you quite a lot, Ishigami.
[08:21] ---
    Huh? Look, they're totally
    getting along now!
[08:21] ---
    Ah yeah.
[08:22] ---
    Me, too. Me, too.
[08:23] ---
    Amazing! How did you do it?
[08:26] ---
    Well...
[08:27] ---
    I suppose it's thanks to experience.
[08:29] ---
    I DO NOT WANT TO BE CALLED A PROFESSIONAL
[08:29] ---
    She has ten years of dealing
    with Miko Iino under her belt.
[08:31] ---
    10 YEARS
    OF EXPERIENCE
[08:33] ---
    Today's battle result...
[08:35] ---
    Osaragi wins.
[08:36] ---
    I like you quite a lot, Ishigami.
[08:36] ---
    Wow, that's
     impressive.
[08:38] ---
    I can draw something
    even more explicit.
[08:39] ---
    Explicit...?
[08:41] ---
    Ah...
[08:43] ---
    Shirogane?
[08:43] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO DISTRACT HIM
[08:44] ---
    No student council
    or part-time job today, right?
[08:46] ---
    Wanna do some karaoke?
[08:48] ---
    Karaoke, huh?
[08:50] ---
    But I'm not much of a singer.
[08:52] ---
    Hey, you don't have to sing.
[08:54] ---
    That's not our main reason for going.
[08:56] ---
    What do you mean by that?
[08:57] ---
    There are these networking things where
    you can connect with students from other schools.
[09:00] ---
    NETWORKING THINGS
[09:02] ---
    We'd rather not go by ourselves.
[09:06] ---
    Well, I'm always declining when you ask.
[09:09] ---
    Sure.
[09:10] ---
    All right!
[09:13] ---
    So, what time and where?
[09:14] ---
    Kara-Para in front of the station at four.
[09:18] ---
    Lady Kaguya, are you fine with that?
[09:21] ---
    He shouldn't have any qualms about going out
    with his friends once in a while.
[09:25] ---
    I don't mean that.
    I'm talking about the networking event.
[09:28] ---
    BROAD-MINDED
    BROAD-MINDED
[09:28] ---
    I see no harm in that.
[09:30] ---
    As the student council president, it cannot hurt
    to connect with students from other schools.
[09:34] ---
    And I'm not a possessive woman.
[09:35] ---
    NOT A
    POSSESSIVE
    WOMAN
[09:37] ---
    No, as I was saying...
[09:39] ---
    It's probably a group date.
[09:41] ---
    Then I've got to stop him,
    no matter what!
[09:43] ---
    Group dates!
[09:45] ---
    Aren't they the amusement quarters where men and
    women seeking mates secretly flirt with one another?
[09:50] ---
    That's correct.
[09:51] ---
    President would attend such an event?
[09:54] ---
    Well, not that it seems like he realizes it yet.
[09:56] ---
    What should I do?
[09:58] ---
    Why don't you take part yourself
    as his chaperone?
[10:01] ---
    I can't do that! You'd toss me
    into a crowd of lustful men?
[10:07] ---
    How callous of you!
[10:09] ---
    You're right. I'm sorry.
[10:11] ---
    In the first place, if my family found out
    that I attended such an event, I'd be disowned.
[10:16] ---
    Well, that's true.
[10:19] ---
    It's not as if I need to go
    directly myself, right?
[10:22] ---
    What?
[10:24] ---
    All right, we're going to get
    this networking event started!
[10:28] ---
    Let's drink, sing and cut loose, everyone!
[10:31] ---
    Needless to say,
    the drinks are nonalcoholic!
[10:35] ---
    Hey, you never said
    it was going to be this kind of event.
[10:38] ---
    Oh yes, I did tell you.
[10:39] ---
    You seemed to have a lot on your mind lately,
    and I thought this would be just the break for you.
[10:44] ---
    Look! That girl next to you is a 10, huh?
[10:48] ---
    Grumpy!
[10:50] ---
    Now, all you have to do is make sure
    that no girl does anything to President!
[10:55] ---
    If you could extract him from that venue,
    that would be most ideal!
[10:57] ---
    Tossing me into this crowd
    of lustful men?
[11:01] ---
    How callous of you!
[11:02] ---
    You're looking gloomy!
[11:04] ---
    What's the matter?
[11:05] ---
    Did your friend stand you up
    at the last minute?
[11:08] ---
    What do you care what happened to me?
[11:10] ---
    Is that you, Miss Herthaka?
[11:13] ---
    Huh?
[11:13] ---
    You know her, Shirogane?
    Hook us up, will you?
[11:16] ---
    Uh, I wouldn't say that I know her.
[11:19] ---
    Why don't you just say it?
[11:21] ---
    That I'm the woman
    you dumped so resoundingly.
[11:24] ---
    UGH UGH
[11:25] ---
    Huh? Oh, that kind of...
[11:29] ---
    So Shirogane, I'm heading over there.
[11:32] ---
    Hey!
[11:36] ---
    It's awkward, isn't it? A party
    with the woman you dumped in attendance...
[11:40] ---
    N-No.
[11:43] ---
    It's so hard for me, too...
[11:46] ---
    to be near you!
[11:49] ---
    Peek!
[11:50] ---
    Sorry.
[11:51] ---
    You have no idea how hard it is!
[11:53] ---
    I'm really sorry.
[11:55] ---
    Oh! I can't take it!
[11:57] ---
    I'm going to find another seat.
[12:01] ---
    Stay by my side.
[12:02] ---
    Huh? Make up your mind!
[12:04] ---
    Didn't you just say
    it was too hard to be near me?
[12:07] ---
    Um, well...
[12:13] ---
    Chatting up other girls
    right before my eyes...
[12:18] ---
    You don't think that would be cruel?
[12:25] ---
    Oh.
[12:26] ---
    It's my turn to sing.
[12:30] ---
    "MY FEELINGS"
    LYRICS: SAKA AKASAKA
    MUSIC: GIORGIO GIORGIO
[12:31] ---
    I am now going to sing out my feelings.
[12:35] ---
    So sad, so sad, lu-lu-lu-lu...
[12:39] ---
    Why can't I become your Number 1?
[12:44] ---
    If only I'd never fallen in love with you...
[12:47] ---
    All I ever wanted was for you to say it...
[12:52] ---
    Where is my heart heading now?
[12:56] ---
    Here I am, crying, a lost kitten...
[13:01] ---
    If it's only in my dreams,
    I'll still be happy...
[13:06] ---
    Just hold me close...
[13:09] ---
    From the start,
    I knew that I'd be hurt...
[13:13] ---
    I knew that this grief would...
[13:14] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
[13:22] ---
    You're a really good singer.
[13:25] ---
    That really touched my heart.
[13:27] ---
    Do you come to these kinds of events a lot?
[13:29] ---
    No. I'm really not comfortable
    in places that are full of guys.
[13:33] ---
    Then why are you here?
[13:35] ---
    My little sister made me come today.
[13:38] ---
    She said it was high time
    I got over being dumped.
[13:39] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[13:41] ---
    She forced me.
[13:42] ---
    She has no clue
    about people's feelings.
[13:43] ---
    GRUMBLE
    GRUMBLE
[13:44] ---
    Her personality's warped
    beyond belief!
[13:47] ---
    How is someone like that
    going to fare in the future?
[13:50] ---
    Well, she's been a little better lately.
[13:56] ---
    Did I say something funny?
[13:57] ---
    No.
[13:59] ---
    But I'm finally starting to see
    something close to the real you.
[14:01] ---
    What?
[14:02] ---
    When I met you before, it kind of seemed
    like you were putting on an act.
[14:10] ---
    It's easier to relate to you like this.
[14:13] ---
    It's better not to put on an act?
[14:16] ---
    Well...
[14:18] ---
    That's a lie.
[14:20] ---
    No one will ever love you
    unless you're acting.
[14:23] ---
    You have to envelope and hide your weakness
    and ugliness inside that act or you won't be loved.
[14:29] ---
    Even babies know that instinctively.
[14:32] ---
    That there's no way
    that anyone will love you as you are.
[14:36] ---
    That's not true.
[14:37] ---
    Tell me, then...
[14:39] ---
    Can you show it?
[14:41] ---
    The real Miyuki Shirogane,
    the one who's not overreaching or bluffing,
[14:45] ---
    who hides none of his vulnerabilities...
[14:57] ---
    Oh, sorry! I'm being
    a little obnoxious today, aren't I?
[15:00] ---
    No.
[15:01] ---
    I think you should head home now.
[15:04] ---
    You said that you'd fallen for someone.
[15:07] ---
    I'm sure she'd be sad if she knew
    you were in a place like this.
[15:11] ---
    You're right.
[15:13] ---
    I guess I'll be doing just that.
[15:17] ---
    Hey, I couldn't help overhearing.
[15:19] ---
    Did you say you'd been dumped?
[15:21] ---
    I just got dumped by my girlfriend
    the other day, too.
[15:23] ---
    That makes us friends, right?
    Let's get cozy, huh?
[15:27] ---
    You're certainly closing in on me!
[15:28] ---
    Any guy would close in
    on a hot girl like you!
[15:32] ---
    So anyway, let's sing together.
[15:34] ---
    Go on. Pick a song.
[15:35] ---
    Hey, Herthaka...
[15:38] ---
    We were going to the drink bar, remember?
[15:40] ---
    Let's get going.
[15:41] ---
    What?
[15:45] ---
    Play along, all right?
[15:46] ---
    I thought you were good at acting.
[15:54] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[15:55] ---
    I've successfully extracted President.
[15:57] ---
    Really? That's good to hear!
[15:59] ---
    However, I still haven't carried out
    one of your orders.
[16:02] ---
    What?
[16:03] ---
    Hey, Shirogane!
[16:05] ---
    Huh? What?
[16:07] ---
    I just booked another room,
    so let's start over with the karaoke!
[16:10] ---
    But...
[16:11] ---
    Don't worry!
[16:12] ---
    As long as we rejoin them just before it ends,
    no one will be spreading any rumors.
[16:16] ---
    Is that how it works?
[16:18] ---
    Let's go.
[16:20] ---
    H-Hayasaka!
[16:21] ---
    You dared me to seduce President
    if I could, remember?
[16:26] ---
    I was ill-prepared last time, so I failed.
[16:29] ---
    But rest assured, Lady Kaguya.
[16:31] ---
    Hold on, Hayasaka!
[16:37] ---
    This time, I can make it happen.
[16:40] ---
    Hayasaka?
[16:42] ---
    Shirogane...
[16:43] ---
    You said you liked me better
    when I wasn't acting, right?
[16:47] ---
    Is that true?
[16:49] ---
    Yeah.
[16:51] ---
    Then...
[16:52] ---
    I'm going to show you the real me.
[16:55] ---
    So show me the real you.
[16:57] ---
    Hayasaka!
[16:59] ---
    Answer me! Hayasaka!
[17:02] ---
    DRAMA AMONG THE MINOR CHARACTERS
[17:04] ---
    SABURO TOYOSAKI
    GO KAZAMATSURI
[17:06] ---
    KAGUYA PREEMPTIVELY STRIKES
[17:07] ---
    Hayasaka? Answer me!
[17:09] ---
    Hayasaka!
[17:11] ---
    Yes, I did tell her to seduce him
    if she could, but...
[17:14] ---
    That was just a one-time dare!
[17:18] ---
    Right now, Hayasaka and President
    are all alone behind closed doors!
[17:24] ---
    I have to stop her or else!
[17:29] ---
    Not here!
[17:31] ---
    Nor here!
[17:35] ---
    That's Hayasaka's coat!
    This must be it!
[17:38] ---
    Wh-What on earth are they doing in there?
[17:40] ---
    I've heard about this on the news!
[17:42] ---
    That there's a growing problem of people
    using karaoke rooms for obscene purposes!
[17:47] ---
    S-Surely not, right?
[17:49] ---
    After all, Hayasaka is a lady
    with self-restraint!
[17:51] ---
    Except for when she's angry,
    she's a girl who's driven by common sense!
[17:55] ---
    Except for when she's angry...
[17:58] ---
    She has no clue
    about people's feelings.
[18:02] ---
    She was furious!
[18:04] ---
    Hayasaka's a ticking time bomb right now!
[18:06] ---
    The best way to seduce a man
    is to give him accountability.
[18:10] ---
    She's going to do something
    so she can hold him accountable!
[18:13] ---
    What can I do?
[18:14] ---
    Should I just barge in?
[18:16] ---
    But if I do that...
[18:18] ---
    Huh? What's this?
    You've been following me?
[18:20] ---
    What are you, a stalker?
[18:22] ---
    Never in a million years!
[18:25] ---
    Since I'm in disguise now,
    maybe he won't realize it's me.
[18:29] ---
    If I put on these sunglasses...
[18:31] ---
    and hide my mouth with this mask...
[18:33] ---
    See?
[18:35] ---
    I'm not a stalker!
[18:37] ---
    Should I pull the alarm? Call for staff?
[18:39] ---
    But what if something sordid
    is going on inside?
[18:43] ---
    Wait, I know.
[18:45] ---
    Hello! What's going on?
[18:48] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    are you in the mood for singing?
[18:51] ---
    Huh?
[18:52] ---
    Would like to join me in karaoke?
[18:54] ---
    You, sing karaoke, Kaguya?
[18:56] ---
    I'm coming! You bet I'm coming!
[18:58] ---
    Then, I'll be waiting in Room 21
    at Kara-Para in front of the station.
[19:02] ---
    Just come on in, all right?
[19:04] ---
    I'll be right there!
[19:05] ---
    MISS FUJIWARA
[19:06] ---
    That worked like a charm.
[19:08] ---
    If Miss Fujiwara barges in on them,
    then surely that'll stop them in their tracks!
[19:13] ---
    I can only pray
    that nothing happens before then.
[19:16] ---
    No! I can't!
[19:18] ---
    I can't take it anymore!
    Not a second longer!
[19:20] ---
    But it was your idea.
[19:22] ---
    You're not getting out of this
    until I'm satisfied!
[19:25] ---
    Come on! I can do this nonstop!
[19:26] ---
    So big! Oh please! Don't take it out!
[19:29] ---
    Enough! Any more of this,
    and you'll destroy me!
[19:32] ---
    Nooooo!
[19:39] ---
    It...
[19:41] ---
    It's too late!
[19:44] ---
    Hayasaka...
[19:45] ---
    Hayasaka, how could you?
[19:52] ---
    That hit the spot.
[19:59] ---
    H-Hayasaka!
[20:01] ---
    Are you all right?
[20:02] ---
    L-Lady Kaguya...
[20:05] ---
    President...
[20:07] ---
    was horrendously inept.
[20:09] ---
    He's inept?
[20:10] ---
    Inept, and yet...
[20:12] ---
    it's so huge.
[20:14] ---
    Huge?
[20:15] ---
    His voice.
[20:17] ---
    H-His voice?
[20:20] ---
    Voice?
[20:22] ---
    He can sing ordinary songs adequately,
    but his rapping is heinous!
[20:25] ---
    If you need an analogy,
[20:27] ---
    his singing sounds
    like the guts of a sea slug!
[20:27] ---
    TERRIBLE
    TERRIBLE
[20:29] ---
    Sea slug?
[20:30] ---
    Yet, he insists on singing
    as loudly as he can!
[20:32] ---
    It was like torture! Hell!
[20:33] ---
    I thought he was going to break my ears!
[20:37] ---
    Are you talking about his singing?
[20:40] ---
    I'm going home now.
[20:41] ---
    G-Good idea.
[20:43] ---
    Huh? Hayasaka?
[20:45] ---
    Miss Fujiwara?
[20:46] ---
    You're going home already?
[20:48] ---
    Y-Yes.
[20:49] ---
    I just saw President
    heading into the restroom.
[20:53] ---
    President...
[20:55] ---
    Singing...
[20:57] ---
    The guts of a sea slug...
[21:06] ---
    TREMBLE TREMBLE
[21:07] ---
    Okay, I think I'll be heading home now!
[21:14] ---
    Huh?
[21:20] ---
    Why did you do such a thing?
[21:25] ---
    Because lately, you seem
    to be enjoying yourself.
[21:28] ---
    Getting angry, laughing...
    You seemed so free, and I was jealous.
[21:34] ---
    I wanted you to hurt just a little.
[21:40] ---
    I thought it might be
    something like that.
[21:43] ---
    What do you mean,
    you thought as much?
[21:45] ---
    Because...
[21:47] ---
    no one in this world knows as well as I do
    how twisted your personality is.
[21:55] ---
    But Lady Kaguya,
    you're really no different than me.
[21:58] ---
    That's right. We're quite alike.
[22:00] ---
    And no wonder since you and I
    are more or less sisters.
[22:04] ---
    Ah...
[22:06] ---
    I'm all alone...
[22:10] ---
    And nobo—
[22:14] ---
    (NO SUBJECT)
    HERTHAKA
    to: ME
    Sorry! I'm not feeling well, so I'll be leaving now!!
    It's not because of your rapping, okay? I swear!
    But maybe you shouldn't rap like that in front of other people...
    Now, that's not to say that your rapping is that awful.
    How should I put it? You know how they say that
    medicine is the flip side of poison?
    The human body can only tolerate so much.
[22:16] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:19] ---
    I'm going to practice my rapping.
[22:22] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[22:24] ---
    Meaning that you didn't do it
    because you were angry with me, right?
[22:28] ---
    That was part of it.

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E3 - Nagisa Kashiwagi Wants to Kill

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] ---
    My boyfriend cheated on me!
[01:34] ---
    - Cheated on you?
    - Cheated on you?
[01:37] ---
    Oh dear.
[01:38] ---
    Well, that's unforgivable!
[01:39] ---
    NAGISA KASHIWAGI
    WANTS TO KILL
[01:40] ---
    This has never happened to me before,
    so I can't make up my mind.
[01:44] ---
    What can't you
    make up your mind about?
[01:47] ---
    Which of them to kill.
[01:48] ---
    Scary!
[01:49] ---
    Too serious.
[01:51] ---
    This girl is such a handful.
    So annoying.
[01:53] ---
    I don't blame her boyfriend
    for wanting to cheat on her.
[01:57] ---
    Can you start by telling us
    how you discovered this indiscretion?
[02:01] ---
    Yes.
[02:03] ---
    The moment it hit me
    was the other day during lunch break
[02:06] ---
    What? Is that right?
[02:06] ---
    when I saw him and a friend of mine.
[02:12] ---
    They were standing there
    chatting in the chummiest way!
[02:14] ---
    Huh? That's all?
[02:16] ---
    Yes.
[02:17] ---
    I don't think that's enough grounds
    to accuse him of cheating.
[02:20] ---
    What do you think, Shinomiya?
[02:22] ---
    Most likely, he's cheating on you.
[02:24] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[02:26] ---
    The cheating borderline!
[02:28] ---
    The definition of "cheating"
    varies from person to person.
[02:30] ---
    To some, just dining with a member
    of the opposite sex counts as cheating
[02:33] ---
    whereas some are fine with overstepping
    as long as it's just a fling.
[02:36] ---
    A person's concept of romance is exposed
    by where he or she draws the line at cheating!
[02:41] ---
    A secret rendezvous behind his girlfriend's back...
[02:44] ---
    There has to be an ulterior motive to that.
    Without a doubt, it's cheating.
[02:47] ---
    Right! That's exactly what I think!
[02:49] ---
    Well, under Civil Code Article 770,
[02:52] ---
    adultery with someone other than one's spouse
    is grounds for divorce.
[02:57] ---
    That said, it's not as though you're married.
[02:59] ---
    It's not a matter of legality now, is it?
[03:02] ---
    This is mental adultery!
[03:03] ---
    If one is not married, does that give him
    the right to cheat all he wants?
[03:08] ---
    So, the other day,
    when we went out to dinner,
[03:11] ---
    I peeked at his cell phone
    while he was in the men's room.
[03:14] ---
    Hey, hold up! That's a no-no!
[03:16] ---
    It's an invasion of privacy!
[03:18] ---
    But I'm his girlfriend, so it's fine.
[03:20] ---
    He's the one who cheated first.
[03:23] ---
    I could tell what his security lock pattern was
    by the way he moved his fingers.
[03:26] ---
    Ingenious!
[03:27] ---
    Unauthorized access!
[03:28] ---
    And I took a look at all of his texts.
[03:30] ---
    And why wouldn't you?
[03:32] ---
    Unlawful opening of letters!
[03:34] ---
    But I was unable to find
    any suspicious correspondence.
[03:38] ---
    So, I concluded that I was just
    being paranoid about the cheating,
[03:42] ---
    and I made up my mind to trust him.
[03:45] ---
    And then...
[03:46] ---
    INVESTIGATION
    OF PERSONAL
    CONDUCT REPORT
    HAWKEYE DETECTIVE AGENCY
[03:46] ---
    because I trusted him,
    I hired a private detective.
[03:49] ---
    You don't trust him at all!
[03:51] ---
    It's because I trust him that I'm trying
    to prove his innocence.
[03:54] ---
    It takes a lot of courage to conduct
    a background check.
[03:58] ---
    So there's something wrong with me?
[04:00] ---
    But take a look at this!
[04:03] ---
    They went to a variety store together!
[04:05] ---
    But isn't it premature
    to label that as "cheating"?
[04:08] ---
    They could've just gone shopping
    for something.
[04:10] ---
    - It's cheating for sure!
    - It's cheating for sure!
[04:14] ---
    I'd told him how this store
    had caught my eye.
[04:18] ---
    I never thought he'd go there
    on a date with another girl!
[04:20] ---
    Such cruel betrayal.
[04:22] ---
    And there's more! Afterwards...
[04:26] ---
    They went to karaoke!
[04:29] ---
    Unbelievable!
[04:33] ---
    Iino, just going to karaoke together isn't—
[04:36] ---
    It's absolutely cheating.
[04:41] ---
    People often engage
    in indecent behavior during karaoke.
[04:43] ---
    I have no doubt that he thought
    he might get lucky with her.
[04:47] ---
    - I disagree!
    - Huh?
[04:48] ---
    Everyone goes to karaoke, right?
[04:50] ---
    I'm sure you're wrong!
[04:52] ---
    It definitely wasn't cheating at all!
[04:54] ---
    So...
[04:56] ---
    this was the final nail in the coffin.
[04:59] ---
    Until now, I'd been taking such pains
    to help him with his schoolwork...
[05:03] ---
    but I guess the instant someone with better grades
    than me showed up, he had no more use for me!
[05:09] ---
    J-Just because he had someone tutor him—
[05:12] ---
    Huh?
[05:13] ---
    You must never forgive him.
[05:17] ---
    He is receiving tutelage
    from another woman behind your back.
[05:23] ---
    In other words, he's being influenced
    by that same woman.
[05:23] ---
    Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
[05:27] ---
    Under no circumstances
    would I ever forgive him.
[05:29] ---
    Don't worry. I'm on your side.
[05:35] ---
    I think I've found closure now.
[05:38] ---
    I'm going to go question him.
[05:42] ---
    If I don't get a satisfactory answer...
[05:45] ---
    I'm going to break up with him.
[05:48] ---
    Oh! Kaguya—
[05:49] ---
    Shh!
[05:53] ---
    Do I have to say it here?
[05:54] ---
    You do.
[05:57] ---
    Do you really like me?
[06:01] ---
    Yes, I like you.
[06:03] ---
    Easy enough to say.
[06:12] ---
    This is your six-month anniversary gift.
[06:18] ---
    I asked Maki to help me
    pick out a present for you.
[06:24] ---
    Sorry that I made you worry.
[06:27] ---
    A heart-shaped necklace?
[06:29] ---
    Hey, pretty good taste!
[06:32] ---
    So lame.
[06:34] ---
    In this day and age, who'd be happy
    to receive a heart-shaped necklace?
[06:39] ---
    I'm so happy!
[06:46] ---
    SMACK SMACK
    SLURP SLURP
[06:53] ---
    Is that...
[06:54] ---
    a kiss?
[06:58] ---
    Just look at their tongues!
[07:00] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:02] ---
    Kashiwagi wins.
[07:04] ---
    RECOMMENDED THE LAME ONE
    ON PURPOSE
[07:05] ---
    I think I want to die,
    so I'm going home.
[07:07] ---
    Shinomiya, look away!
[07:10] ---
    Maki, I don't know how to thank you!
[07:14] ---
    Nagisa was beyond thrilled
    with that heart-shaped necklace!
[07:15] ---
    MAKI SHIJO
    WANTS TO TAKE ACTION
[07:18] ---
    W-Well, of course she was.
[07:20] ---
    After all, I'm the one who recommended it.
    What other outcome could there have been?
[07:23] ---
    Maki! Let me thank you, too.
[07:26] ---
    Oh...
[07:27] ---
    But if you could stop dragging
    my boyfriend around with you...
[07:31] ---
    See, I can't help
    getting worried about that.
[07:34] ---
    Huh? That's hysterical!
[07:34] ---
    CHUCKLE
    CHUCKLE
[07:37] ---
    As if I would ever look
    at this guy that way!
[07:42] ---
    All right, I have someplace to be,
    so carry on, you two!
[08:04] ---
    So when does inspiration hit you?
[08:06] ---
    Let's see.
[08:07] ---
    When I'm not really thinking
    too hard about it.
[08:10] ---
    I see.
[08:11] ---
    Now that you mention it, all these lyrics
    come to me when I'm soaking in the bath—
[08:15] ---
    Huh?
[08:28] ---
    First off, may we ask your name?
[08:32] ---
    What? You don't know who I am?
[08:35] ---
    What an ignoramus!
[08:38] ---
    My name is Maki Shijo!
[08:40] ---
    A prodigy ranked third in my grade and
    a legitimate descendant of the Shinomiya bloodline!
[08:45] ---
    Huh? Then you're related to Shinomiya?
[08:49] ---
    Yes.
[08:50] ---
    Kaguya is my second cousin,
    twice removed.
[08:53] ---
    Distant much?
[08:56] ---
    So, what were you doing
    in a place like that, Shijo?
[09:00] ---
    Couldn't you tell that much?
[09:02] ---
    That's why I can't stand ignoramuses!
[09:05] ---
    As for what I was doing there...
[09:12] ---
    I wonder myself.
[09:14] ---
    What? What's up with that?
[09:16] ---
    Wh-What is it that I want to do?
    I wonder.
[09:19] ---
    We have no clue!
[09:22] ---
    In other words...
[09:24] ---
    you like that guy, Shijo?
[09:26] ---
    Huh? It's not as if I like him!
    Please don't ridicule me!
[09:30] ---
    The blood of the Shinomiya clan,
    the heart of this nation...
[09:34] ---
    runs in my veins!
[09:36] ---
    Would a tiger fall in love with a rat?
[09:40] ---
    Well...
[09:42] ---
    not that I'd be averse to going out with him
    if he were to confess to me.
[09:45] ---
    Those words sound so familiar!
[09:48] ---
    You're just leaving it all up to him.
[09:50] ---
    If you like him, don't you think
    you should confess to him yourself?
[09:52] ---
    If he feels the same way as you...
[09:54] ---
    you'll never ever get to be together!
[09:56] ---
    Shirogane was slightly hurt.
[09:59] ---
    I told you, I don't like him or anything!
[10:00] ---
    No, but you do.
[10:02] ---
    I do not like him!
[10:03] ---
    - No matter how you slice it, you do like him!
    - But I don't like him, okay?
[10:05] ---
    No, you totally like him!
[10:07] ---
    I don't like him, I said!
[10:08] ---
    - Oh, yes you do!
    - I don't!
[10:09] ---
    - You do!
    - I don't!
[10:10] ---
    You so like him!
[10:11] ---
    I'm telling you, I don't like him!
[10:12] ---
    The truth is, you like him, right?
[10:16] ---
    Yes.
[10:16] ---
    Hey, you're cuter than I thought!
[10:19] ---
    Still...
[10:20] ---
    we're talking about someone with a girlfriend.
    What are you going to do, steal him?
[10:24] ---
    Huh? Steal?
[10:26] ---
    Do you really think
    I'd do such a vulgar thing?
[10:30] ---
    Two students playing house isn't the kind
    of romance that will last for long.
[10:35] ---
    It's only a matter of time
    before those two break up!
[10:38] ---
    That's just how these things end up.
[10:40] ---
    All I have to do is drink my tea
    and wait for it to happen.
[10:43] ---
    So whomever he happens to be dating...
[10:50] ---
    it doesn't matter to me.
[10:52] ---
    As long as he chooses to stay my side
    in the end, that will be enough!
[10:58] ---
    I see that your arrogance only goes so far!
[11:01] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
    I've never had anyone to confide in until now!
[11:05] ---
    So, I let my true feelings slip out.
[11:07] ---
    GLARE
[11:08] ---
    I see. So it's not as if you're planning
    to engineer a breakup or anything.
[11:12] ---
    Of course not.
[11:13] ---
    Because Nagisa is a dear friend of mine.
[11:16] ---
    Well, I might let off
    some steam now and then.
[11:19] ---
    You know, I don't dislike this person.
[11:21] ---
    She says everything that's on her mind,
    which I can relate to.
[11:24] ---
    Oh, shut up! You ignoramus!
[11:27] ---
    Waiting is hard, isn't it?
[11:30] ---
    I don't think I could stand it.
[11:31] ---
    Well, that shows how weak you are!
[11:33] ---
    But there are places
    you want to go on dates with him someday.
[11:37] ---
    And they might be having fun there
    as we speak.
[11:41] ---
    Even when you go to an amusement park
    together for the first time...
[11:44] ---
    he'll be thinking deep down,
    "I've been here before with my ex."
[11:49] ---
    He might seem overly experienced
    during your first kiss.
[11:53] ---
    And when you see that he knows
    where all the hotels are located—
[11:54] ---
    Ishigami! Ishigami!
[11:56] ---
    Why?
[11:57] ---
    Why would you say such things to me?
[11:58] ---
    TEARY-EYED...
[12:00] ---
    N-No!
[12:01] ---
    Those are all my own recent hang-ups!
[12:03] ---
    I never meant to hurt you!
[12:05] ---
    Come to think of it...
[12:07] ---
    Nagisa did mention that they were going
    to XXXSea over the weekend!
[12:11] ---
    That they'd reserved
    harborview terrace seats!
[12:14] ---
    That weirdo barrette-wearing woman
    whose only talent is deceiving men...
[12:18] ---
    I'll never forgive her.
[12:20] ---
    And do you know who's to blame for all of this?
    The one who put such strange notions into her head!
[12:24] ---
    S-Strange notions?
[12:27] ---
    That bizarre move, the wall slam!
[12:31] ---
    If it hadn't been for that,
[12:33] ---
    right now I would be...
[12:35] ---
    No more grumbling from me!
[12:38] ---
    Even if it means stealing him,
    I'm going to do it!
[12:40] ---
    Oh yes, I will! Yes, I will!
[12:46] ---
    Will you help me, please?
[12:49] ---
    Yeah.
[12:50] ---
    Well...
[12:52] ---
    Dammit, I can't say no
    with her looking so cute all of a sudden!
[12:54] ---
    It's like she can turn it on and off at will!
[12:57] ---
    But the way she's acting...
[12:57] ---
    All right! I'm going to steal him
    if it's the last thing I do!
[12:59] ---
    It feels like I've seen it somewhere before.
[13:00] ---
    I'm going to give it my all!
[13:03] ---
    Hey, that's it.
[13:08] ---
    Well!
[13:09] ---
    Good evening...
[13:11] ---
    Auntie.
[13:12] ---
    Maki, would you please stop
    calling me Auntie?
[13:16] ---
    We're the same age!
[13:18] ---
    That's how I'm related to you,
    so I must call you that!
[13:22] ---
    Since I was raised to respect my superiors.
[13:24] ---
    But of course!
[13:26] ---
    Branch families are expected
    to respect the head family, right?
[13:29] ---
    HOSTILE
    HOSTILE
[13:29] ---
    TENSE
    TENSE
[13:31] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[13:31] ---
    Now then, since my terrifying
    auntie has arrived,
[13:34] ---
    I shall be taking my leave.
[13:37] ---
    She has no charm whatsoever.
[13:39] ---
    Shirogane and Ishigami both said I was cute!
[13:45] ---
    Oh?
[13:46] ---
    You told her that she was cute?
[13:49] ---
    What about her did you find so appealing?
[13:51] ---
    Her face?
[13:52] ---
    No, uh...
[13:54] ---
    No way can I tell her.
[13:59] ---
    That it was how she reminded me
    a little of her that I found cute.
[14:03] ---
    I thought her tsundere behavior was cute!
[14:05] ---
    Be quiet, ignoramus!
[14:08] ---
    They're alike.
[14:09] ---
    Today's battle result...
[14:11] ---
    Maki Shijo wins.
[14:13] ---
    She gains two collaborators.
[14:16] ---
    Just talking about it
    to someone...
[14:17] ---
    ...makes my heart
    much lighter...
[14:21] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO BE BELIEVED
[14:24] ---
    That group date the other day was cool, huh?
[14:26] ---
    Well, I guess it was pretty fun.
[14:29] ---
    If only Shirogane hadn't made off
    with the hottest girl there!
[14:32] ---
    You said it!
[14:33] ---
    I told you,
[14:34] ---
    Herthaka and I don't have that kind of—
[14:37] ---
    Never mind that!
    Let's discuss today's weather!
[14:41] ---
    Group date.
[14:42] ---
    KARAOKE
[14:43] ---
    Even though I'm aware that President
    was deceived into going by his friends.
[14:47] ---
    President, surely
    you're not seeking other girls!
[14:53] ---
    Listen, Miss Fujiwara...
[14:56] ---
    What is it that people do
    on group dates exactly?
[14:59] ---
    Huh? I've never been on one, either,
    so I wouldn't know.
[15:03] ---
    I know from all the rumors that they play
    Yamanote Line and Ten-Yen Coin Games.
[15:09] ---
    Ten-Yen Coin Game?
[15:10] ---
    You've never heard of it?
[15:12] ---
    In that case...
[15:15] ---
    2010
[15:15] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[15:17] ---
    Let's all play a group date game!
[15:19] ---
    Group date?
[15:21] ---
    I knew it, she overheard us!
[15:22] ---
    What are we doing?
[15:23] ---
    I thought we'd try the Ten-Yen Coin Game!
[15:26] ---
    The Ten-Yen Coin Game!
[15:29] ---
    In this game, you answer someone's question
    by placing a ten-yen coin faceup if "Yes,"
[15:32] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[15:33] ---
    and facedown if "No."
[15:34] ---
    2007
[15:36] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[15:36] ---
    Please place your coins
    underneath this handkerchief.
[15:38] ---
    2007
[15:39] ---
    I see.
[15:40] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[15:41] ---
    You're making sure no one can
    tell who picked heads or tails.
[15:44] ---
    Now listen up! No lying, all right?
[15:48] ---
    If even one of you plays fast
    and loose with the truth,
[15:51] ---
    it'll ruin everything
    and the game will just be boring!
[15:53] ---
    I did bring along
    a lie detector just in case.
[15:56] ---
    BAM
[15:57] ---
    Anyone acting suspiciously
    will be publicly denounced!
[16:00] ---
    Anyone who brings a polygraph to a group date
    will never be invited again.
[16:04] ---
    And so it begins!
    The "No Lying Allowed Ten-Yen Coin Game"!
[16:10] ---
    All right, I'll ask the first question!
[16:13] ---
    Heads if you admit to being in love right now!
[16:16] ---
    Tails if that's not the case!
[16:18] ---
    Those kinds of questions?
[16:20] ---
    Hey, this does feel like a group date!
[16:23] ---
    Not that I'm in love or anything,
[16:26] ---
    but as we're playing this game
    on my account...
[16:29] ---
    I suppose I can throw them a bone
    by answering "Yes."
[16:34] ---
    Has everyone submitted their coins?
[16:36] ---
    Now let me shuffle them...
[16:38] ---
    And the results are...
[16:40] ---
    BAM
[16:41] ---
    Three?
[16:42] ---
    That many?
[16:43] ---
    What? That's a lot.
[16:45] ---
    - For real?
    - Who? Who? Who? Who?
[16:47] ---
    Hey! No pinpointing!
[16:50] ---
    The anxiety and the thrill of not knowing
    who answered "Yes" or "No"...
[16:50] ---
    NOT KNOWING
[16:51] ---
    NOT KNOWING
    ANXIETY
[16:51] ---
    NOT KNOWING
    ANXIETY
    THRILL
[16:52] ---
    is what makes this
    Ten-Yen Coin Game so much fun!
[16:56] ---
    I see.
[16:57] ---
    All right, I'll ask the next question.
[17:00] ---
    Heads if deep down, you hate me.
[17:03] ---
    And tails if you don't actually hate me.
[17:05] ---
    Talk about heavy!
[17:09] ---
    All right, let's see
    how many people hate Ishigami.
[17:12] ---
    1972
[17:12] ---
    1981
[17:12] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[17:13] ---
    One!
[17:13] ---
    1972
[17:13] ---
    1981
[17:13] ---
    GREAT JAPAN
    TEN YEN
[17:16] ---
    Only one?
[17:19] ---
    I'm so relieved!
[17:21] ---
    So you don't hate me after all!
[17:24] ---
    You're all such great people!
[17:26] ---
    You answered "No" yourself.
    You have no shame.
[17:30] ---
    Does she count as a great person, too?
[17:31] ---
    She's just that kind of creature,
    so she's excluded.
[17:34] ---
    That's not even up for debate.
[17:35] ---
    All right, you're next, Miko!
[17:36] ---
    Oh, really?
[17:37] ---
    What? Me?
[17:39] ---
    Um...
[17:40] ---
    Do you all...
[17:42] ---
    W-Well...
[17:43] ---
    To be honest,
    you find me annoying, don't you?
[17:48] ---
    But that's more or less
    the same thing Ishigami asked!
[17:52] ---
    I'll ask another question, then.
[17:54] ---
    In all honesty,
    you don't need me around, do you?
[17:57] ---
    What did I say
    about heavy questions?
[17:59] ---
    Heads if you don't need me around.
[18:01] ---
    Tails if you do need me around.
[18:04] ---
    Let's see how many don't need Miko around!
[18:11] ---
    Zero!
[18:15] ---
    There's no one here who thinks
    they don't need you, Miko!
[18:18] ---
    There just couldn't be!
[18:21] ---
    Indeed. You are needed.
[18:24] ---
    Well, I guess we might need you.
[18:26] ---
    See?
[18:27] ---
    You're indispensable, Miko!
[18:29] ---
    That's right!
    We need you here, Iino!
[18:31] ---
    Of course we do.
[18:36] ---
    I'm telling you, you need to stay away
    from group dates or host clubs.
[18:38] ---
    You'd be such an easy mark.
[18:40] ---
    The game continues on peacefully.
[18:42] ---
    Or so it seemed at a glance!
[18:44] ---
    But while all this is going on,
    one player is scheming!
[18:49] ---
    1972.
[18:51] ---
    2010.
[18:53] ---
    Two coins dated 1981
    and one dated 1989.
[18:57] ---
    The one that President took
    is the 1989 coin!
[19:01] ---
    Yes! If she knew who took which coin,
[19:05] ---
    she would know
    how that person answered!
[19:08] ---
    Would you mind
    if I asked the next question?
[19:08] ---
    GRIN
[19:11] ---
    Please do!
[19:12] ---
    All right, then...
[19:14] ---
    Heads if you harbor
    romantic feelings for me.
[19:18] ---
    Tails if you do not.
[19:20] ---
    You've figured out
    how group dates work, Kaguya!
[19:24] ---
    What do you say, President?
[19:25] ---
    If I find that 1989 coin sitting faceup...
[19:28] ---
    you'll have as good as confessed!
[19:28] ---
    Romantic feelings for Shinomiya!
    Yes, I do have them!
[19:32] ---
    NO ROMANTIC
    FEELINGS
    FOR
    SHINOMIYA
[19:33] ---
    If it's facedown,
    I'll make you take a polygraph!
[19:33] ---
    I don't have any
    romantic feelings for Shinomiya.
[19:35] ---
    LIE
[19:36] ---
    I don't have any
    romantic feelings for Shinomiya.
[19:36] ---
    NO ROMANTIC
    FEELINGS
    FOR
    SHINOMIYA
[19:38] ---
    LIE
[19:39] ---
    This is amazing!
[19:40] ---
    To think that I could push President
    to the brink so easily!
[19:43] ---
    No wonder this game
    is favored by loose women!
[19:46] ---
    Which is an overstatement.
[19:47] ---
    How many of us have
    romantic feeling for Kaguya?
[19:51] ---
    BAM
[19:52] ---
    Hey! There's one!
[19:54] ---
    Huh? What?
[19:55] ---
    Normally, you'd think
    it was one of the two guys here.
[19:57] ---
    No pinpointing.
[19:59] ---
    Could it be you, Miko?
[20:00] ---
    No pinpointing.
[20:02] ---
    I can never trust anyone again!
[20:05] ---
    Come on, you know it was you, Fujiwara.
[20:07] ---
    Not that I can answer that!
[20:08] ---
    I think we can take your silence as a yes.
[20:10] ---
    1981
[20:10] ---
    This "Yes" coin is not the 1989 one!
[20:11] ---
    - She's right.
    - I thought you were on my side, Miko!
[20:13] ---
    If it's not President's coin...
[20:15] ---
    Now there are three 1981 coins!
[20:15] ---
    1981
[20:18] ---
    Does this mean that...
[20:20] ---
    The coins were switched!
[20:23] ---
    Needless to say, Shirogane
    wasn't without a scheme of his own.
[20:26] ---
    All he had to do was switch out the 1989 coin
    he'd selected with one dated 1981
[20:30] ---
    to go along with the other two 1981 coins,
    and thus avoid being identified!
[20:34] ---
    Once again, Shirogane's answer
    is shrouded in anonymity!
[20:38] ---
    He just barely managed to survive!
[20:41] ---
    All right, I guess I'm last.
[20:44] ---
    There's a rogue among us who realized
    they could tell who answered how by the mint date.
[20:48] ---
    They tried to exploit that knowledge.
[20:52] ---
    Answer "Yes"
    and give yourself up.
[20:54] ---
    He's onto me?
[20:56] ---
    Hurry up!
[20:59] ---
    But the rules prohibit us from lying!
[21:04] ---
    In which case, my only option is to...
[21:08] ---
    Um...
[21:09] ---
    And the results are...
[21:11] ---
    Three people!
[21:14] ---
    You guys, too, then?
[21:14] ---
    Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[21:17] ---
    Game over.
[21:20] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:23] ---
    That game we played today...
[21:25] ---
    Was it because you heard
    that I'd gone on a group date?
[21:32] ---
    I admit that I did attend such a gathering,
[21:35] ---
    and that midway through,
    I did leave the venue with a girl.
[21:39] ---
    But I can explain all of that.
[21:42] ---
    It's not as if I did any of that
    frivolously or whatever.
[21:47] ---
    Not for a second.
[21:50] ---
    I want at least you to believe me.
[21:56] ---
    At least me?
[22:00] ---
    Do you believe me?
[22:04] ---
    Who knows?
[22:12] ---
    Do I or don't I?
[22:17] ---
    Huh?
[22:20] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:22] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[22:25] ---
    LOVE DETECTIVE CHIKA
    THE GREATEST AND BEST MYSTERY OF ALL
[22:25] ---
    The result is a mystery.
[22:28] ---
    WHO IS THE PERSON
    KAGUYA LIKES...!?

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E4 - Kaguya Shinomiya's Impossible Demand: 'A Cowrie a Swallow Gave Birth To' Part 1

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[00:00] ---
    All right, we'll be going now!
[00:03] ---
    Where do you want to go next?
[00:04] ---
    Oh, wait, let me think.
[00:10] ---
    Laser Death Beam!
[01:46] ---
    So, what is this Laser Death Beam?
[01:49] ---
    A beam that breaks up couples who get hit with it.
[01:52] ---
    So it doesn't involve death. That's a relief.
[01:56] ---
    You mustn't envy other people's happiness.
[02:01] ---
    SULK SULK
[02:01] ---
    High school students should be
    focusing on their studies!
[02:04] ---
    We can't afford to be consumed by romance!
[02:07] ---
    Said while playing a videogame.
[02:10] ---
    All right, then, tell me.
[02:11] ---
    You're not looking
    for a girlfriend, Ishigami?
[02:14] ---
    Of course not.
    Who needs one anyway?
[02:17] ---
    Oh. So you're a prude.
[02:20] ---
    Hello!
[02:23] ---
    I came to bring you our exhibit application
    for the culture festival!
[02:26] ---
    Ts-Ts-Ts...
[02:28] ---
    Tsubame?
[02:30] ---
    Oh, hi there, Yu!
[02:32] ---
    Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?
[02:33] ---
    I told you. I came
    to turn in our application.
[02:37] ---
    We want to put on a show that blends
    rhythm gymnastics and theater.
[02:41] ---
    Everyone's working so hard, so it'd be great
    to get a prime time slot! Just kidding!
[02:46] ---
    So I'd better butter you up!
[02:50] ---
    Okay, see you later, Yu and Kaguya!
[02:56] ---
    Aha. So that's the story.
[02:58] ---
    What story would that be?
[03:00] ---
    You're in love with her, aren't you?
[03:02] ---
    You couldn't be more mistaken.
[03:05] ---
    I was just taken aback
    because she showed up all of a sudden.
[03:07] ---
    Is that right? I apologize
    for being so off the mark.
[03:11] ---
    After all...
[03:12] ---
    being that I heard there's no shortage
    of boys smitten with her...
[03:17] ---
    I just assumed you were one of them.
[03:21] ---
    Yeah?
[03:22] ---
    The thought that you'd fallen in love
    so recklessly with such an unattainable girl
[03:26] ---
    made my blood run cold.
[03:30] ---
    But a girl that popular must be seeing someone
    with good looks and a good personality.
[03:40] ---
    Laser Death Beam! Laser Death Beam!
[03:43] ---
    Laser Death Beam! Laser Death Beam!
[03:44] ---
    What are you doing?
[03:45] ---
    Stop that! You can shoot yourself with that
    Laser Death Beam all day, and you still can't die!
[03:46] ---
    Dammit! Please let me die!
[03:50] ---
    See? I was right all along.
[03:52] ---
    You wouldn't have reacted that way
    if you weren't in love with her.
[03:56] ---
    What is it about Tsubame that you like?
[03:59] ---
    Well, when I was on the Cheerleading Squad,
    she looked out for me.
[04:03] ---
    At first, I thought she was going out of her way
    just to lighten things up on the squad.
[04:08] ---
    FŪRINKAZAN
[04:09] ---
    But that's just who she is, I guess.
[04:12] ---
    Once I realized that she was
    just kindhearted by nature...
[04:15] ---
    You know...
[04:16] ---
    Oh my.
[04:18] ---
    So you are a sweet boy, Ishigami.
[04:19] ---
    But... she's way beyond my reach.
[04:22] ---
    A guy like me with no redeeming traits
    could never be taken seriously.
[04:26] ---
    It's fine. Since I know
    it's hopeless anyway.
[04:29] ---
    Ishigami's lack of spirit.
[04:32] ---
    Caused by the fact that he has had
    so little success in his life.
[04:36] ---
    His life was a series of failures.
[04:39] ---
    "I'm only going to fail again."
[04:42] ---
    A thought that was constantly hanging
    in a corner of his mind.
[04:49] ---
    Ishigami...
[04:50] ---
    I don't care how you go about it.
[04:53] ---
    Make Tsubame Koyasu yours.
[04:56] ---
    Oh no! There's no way
    I can accomplish that!
[04:58] ---
    Right now, Ishigami, you're a coward so scared
    of getting hurt that you refuse to even try.
[05:04] ---
    I can relate to that.
[05:06] ---
    But you must confess your feelings.
[05:08] ---
    Or else you're in for an endless slog.
[05:10] ---
    Kaguya has just uttered
    her most sincere words of the year.
[05:15] ---
    Be brave.
[05:16] ---
    Brave...
[05:18] ---
    Well, I actually do have an idea
    for the most surefire way to confess.
[05:23] ---
    The most surefire way to confess?
[05:27] ---
    Perhaps I'll have you enlighten me!
[05:29] ---
    First off, I know that to succeed,
    I can't just confess the usual way.
[05:33] ---
    However...
[05:34] ---
    what if I go with an Ultra Romantic confession?
[05:37] ---
    U-U-U-Ultra Romantic?
[05:39] ---
    Ultra Romantic!
[05:42] ---
    I would leave a flower
    on Tsubame's desk every day.
[05:46] ---
    Agapanthus on Monday.
[05:48] ---
    Strawberry on Tuesday.
[05:50] ---
    Peony on Wednesday.
[05:52] ---
    Easter Lily on Thursday.
[05:54] ---
    Lupine on Friday.
[05:56] ---
    AGAPANTHUS
    STRAWBERRY
    PEONY
    EASTER LILY
    LUPINE
[05:57] ---
    And when you put
    all those initials together...
[06:01] ---
    - "I love you"?
    - Is what it spells out!
[06:03] ---
    What do you think of that?
[06:06] ---
    It's creepy.
[06:08] ---
    A stranger leaving a single flower
    on your desk every single day!
[06:12] ---
    That would be beyond creepy.
[06:14] ---
    Also, why did you add the riddle element?
    What if she fails to catch on?
[06:18] ---
    You really do come up
    with the creepiest ideas, Ishigami.
[06:21] ---
    No, that's because the normal way
    wouldn't work for me!
[06:24] ---
    That was me going
    for the "safe by a nose" play!
[06:26] ---
    You're so out.
[06:28] ---
    Th-Then, what if I dialed it down a little?
[06:32] ---
    I heard about this once.
[06:34] ---
    If you show a female
    an album of yourself...
[06:36] ---
    for some reason,
    she'll open up to you.
[06:38] ---
    I agree. That's quite plausible.
[06:41] ---
    So, maybe I'll give Tsubame
    an album of myself!
[06:45] ---
    And now you've entered
    the realm of horror.
[06:49] ---
    Oh...
[06:50] ---
    I'll leave her a message
    on the last page, and...
[06:51] ---
    I WANT TO FILL
    MY NEXT ALBUM
    WITH PHOTOS
    OF THE TWO OF US...
[06:53] ---
    Creepy.
[06:55] ---
    How's that?
[06:56] ---
    Didn't you hear me say it was creepy?
[06:58] ---
    That was me going for the "safe by a nose" play—
[07:00] ---
    More like a beanball to the head!
[07:03] ---
    At any rate, I understand now.
[07:05] ---
    Your flaw, Ishigami,
    is your innate creepiness.
[07:09] ---
    When an odd person does something odd,
    it defies common sense.
[07:14] ---
    Can you be more brutal?
[07:16] ---
    Listen. You must simply strive to become
    the kind of good man that would turn all heads.
[07:21] ---
    That's too vague.
[07:23] ---
    Kindly define what you mean by "good man."
[07:26] ---
    There's no doubt that you're not
    the kind of man who'd say that.
[07:31] ---
    There are numerous examples...
[07:33] ---
    But first of all,
    someone who gets excellent grades.
[07:35] ---
    Grades, huh?
[07:37] ---
    Not only that,
    but someone with a kind heart.
[07:40] ---
    Someone like President, you mean?
[07:43] ---
    Well, I suppose you could say that!
[07:45] ---
    Not that I brought that up
    with President in mind, of course!
[07:48] ---
    All I'm talking about
    is conventional wisdom, all right?
[07:52] ---
    You don't have to tell me that.
[07:54] ---
    Women are drawn to power.
[07:57] ---
    Arm strength.
[07:58] ---
    Financial clout.
[08:00] ---
    The power of communication.
[08:01] ---
    NUMBER 1 STUDENT
    IN HIS GRADE
[08:01] ---
    Needless to say,
    that includes intellectual clout.
[08:04] ---
    The moment you're sure
    he'd protect you and your young for life,
[08:10] ---
    that's when you wish to be together.
[08:12] ---
    N-Not that it's what I'm sensing
    myself, all right?
[08:16] ---
    All I'm talking about
    is conventional wisdom, all right?
[08:20] ---
    You don't have to tell me that.
[08:21] ---
    At any rate, you need to start
    with intellectual clout!
[08:24] ---
    NUMBER 1:
    MIKO IINO
[08:24] ---
    SECOND SEMESTER FINAL EXAMS
    LIST OF THE TOP 50 ACHIEVERS
[08:24] ---
    For the upcoming finals,
[08:26] ---
    make sure you're ranked in the Top 50.
[08:29] ---
    Top 50?
[08:29] ---
    NUMBER 50
[08:32] ---
    Do that, and everyone will soon
    see you in a different light.
[08:35] ---
    Of course, that means
    Tsubame Koyasu, as well.
[08:43] ---
    And...
[08:44] ---
    you yourself, too.
[08:47] ---
    So, Ishigami's boot camp began.
[08:49] ---
    SCHEDULE FOR DAY 1
    SHORT HOMEROOM
    1st PERIOD: MATH II
    2nd PERIOD: CLASSICS B
    3rd PERIOD: WORLD HISTORY B
[08:50] ---
    To be continued next time
    in the second semester of lies and truth episode!
[08:55] ---
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA'S
    IMPOSSIBLE DEMAND:
    "A COWRIE A SWALLOW
    GAVE BIRTH TO" PART 1
[08:59] ---
    SECOND SEMESTER FINAL EXAMS
[09:00] ---
    Second semester final exams!
[09:04] ---
    Starting today, the student council
    will also go on hiatus for exams.
[09:07] ---
    Not that I have a problem with studying
    here in the student council room.
[09:09] ---
    YU ISHIGAMI WANTS
    TO PROVE HIMSELF WORTHY
[09:11] ---
    We do have more people now after all.
[09:13] ---
    President, you're always so considerate
    of us, aren't you now?
[09:19] ---
    Well, I guess I am.
[09:20] ---
    That is a lie.
[09:20] ---
    TREMBLE
    TREMBLE
[09:22] ---
    This guy is thinking of no one but himself!
[09:26] ---
    NUMBER 1
[09:26] ---
    Die! Die!
[09:26] ---
    In his quest to claim
    the Number 1 spot yet again,
[09:28] ---
    Shirogane has not a shred of concern
    for anyone else!
[09:31] ---
    In fact, he's itching
    to mow down the competition!
[09:34] ---
    However, lately, whenever Shirogane tries
    to study in the student council room,
[09:38] ---
    his gaze tends to turn toward Kaguya.
[09:40] ---
    Exactly what's happening right this minute.
[09:42] ---
    Every move that Shinomiya makes is gorgeous.
[09:46] ---
    In order to focus, he has no other choice
    but to study at home!
[09:48] ---
    Well, what President says
    is certainly true.
[09:51] ---
    Is something wrong, President?
[09:53] ---
    Huh? Nothing!
[09:55] ---
    W-Well, we are second-years now after all.
[09:58] ---
    That's right.
[09:59] ---
    For us, these are crucial exams that'll indicate
    the paths we should take after high school.
[10:03] ---
    And it will be easier to focus
    if we study quietly at home.
[10:07] ---
    That is a lie. This girl...
[10:10] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[10:10] ---
    cannot focus for a second at home!
[10:13] ---
    The smartphone she recently acquired...
[10:16] ---
    is always nearby
    even when she's studying.
[10:19] ---
    Meaning that, of course...
[10:21] ---
    it distracts her.
[10:24] ---
    Whenever a message arrives, her brain
    switches from study mode to reply mode!
[10:25] ---
    I got a text!
[10:26] ---
    Now how should I respond?
[10:31] ---
    I don't really think
    we need to go on hiatus for exams.
[10:36] ---
    But if that's what you all want,
    I'll have to comply.
[10:39] ---
    That is a lie!
[10:40] ---
    This girl is thinking...
[10:42] ---
    Score!
[10:43] ---
    ...from the bottom of her heart.
[10:44] ---
    NUMBER 1
[10:45] ---
    Like Shirogane, she, too, is dealing with
    the pressure of being Number 1 in her grade.
[10:46] ---
    No! No! Stay away!
[10:50] ---
    For Iino, the title of "Top Student in Her Grade"
    is the basis of her self-affirmation!
[10:55] ---
    Therefore, under no circumstances
    can she relinquish that status.
[10:57] ---
    1 MINUTE
[10:57] ---
    To gain even one extra minute of studying time
    would be a windfall for Iino!
[11:01] ---
    WINDFALL
[11:01] ---
    Ecstasy!
[11:02] ---
    Oh. this time,
    I'm going to have to hit the books.
[11:07] ---
    If my grades drop any further, my dad says
    he won't give me any more allowance!
[11:12] ---
    If that happens, my life will be over!
[11:14] ---
    LIE
[11:15] ---
    That is a lie.
[11:16] ---
    This girl...
[11:17] ---
    ALLOWANCE
[11:17] ---
    secretly receives allowance
    from her grandfather, as well!
[11:21] ---
    Now don't tell your mom,
    no matter what!
[11:23] ---
    Of course I won't!
[11:24] ---
    And so, as various motives
    swirl just before the exams...
[11:30] ---
    Come to think of it,
    where's Ishigami today?
[11:32] ---
    I don't know.
[11:33] ---
    Studying at home, I suppose.
[11:35] ---
    Yeah, as if!
[11:37] ---
    I bet he's playing videogames.
[11:40] ---
    And then, the day of the exams arrives.
[11:44] ---
    SCHEDULE FOR DAY 1
    SHORT HOMEROOM
    1st PERIOD: MATH II
    2nd PERIOD: CLASSICS B
    3rd PERIOD: WORLD HISTORY B
[11:46] ---
    SECOND SEMESTER
    FINAL EXAMS
    FIRST-YEARS
    MATH II
[11:48] ---
    As a member of the student council,
    just make sure you don't get an F, okay?
[11:53] ---
    No need to worry.
[11:55] ---
    Since I studied hard for this.
[11:57] ---
    You're so full of it.
[12:01] ---
    He's serious.
[12:02] ---
    This boy is dead serious
    about cracking the upper ranks.
[12:06] ---
    Until now, Ishigami has always taken
    his Fs in stride.
[12:06] ---
    197th OUT OF 199
    (FIRST-YEAR)
[12:08] ---
    ISHIGAMI DURING
    THE FIRST SEMESTER
[12:10] ---
    He surely would've slacked off
    as much as possible, exams or no exams.
[12:13] ---
    SHUT UP YOU DUMBASS!!!
[12:14] ---
    ISHIGAMI DURING
    THE SECOND SEMESTER
[12:18] ---
    MIDDLE JUMP
[12:19] ---
    A little break, a little break...
[12:21] ---
    What was it that made him
    start playing to win?
[12:24] ---
    Having Kaguya Shinomiya
    crack the whip so heartlessly?
[12:27] ---
    COMMIT
    TO YOUR
    EXAMS!!
    MATH II
[12:27] ---
    CRUNCH
    CRUNCH
[12:27] ---
    My save data!
[12:30] ---
    Or was it perhaps his romantic feelings
    for Tsubame Koyasu?
[12:34] ---
    No.
[12:35] ---
    I know you can do it, Ishigami.
[12:38] ---
    It was her eyes that propelled him!
[12:42] ---
    SHORT HOMEROOM
    1st PERIOD: MATH II
    2nd PERIOD: CLASSICS B
    3rd PERIOD: WORLD HISTORY B
[12:42] ---
    Begin!
[12:45] ---
    There's someone
    who actually has high hopes for me.
[12:48] ---
    In that case...
[12:50] ---
    I want to...
[12:52] ---
    live up to those hopes, no matter what!
[12:57] ---
    NUMBER 1:
    MIKO IINO
[12:57] ---
    SECOND SEMESTER FINAL EXAMS
    LIST OF THE TOP 50 STUDENTS
[13:01] ---
    I don't see your name on that list.
[13:03] ---
    Most likely, you came in
    at Number 150 or so.
[13:07] ---
    Considering that you've shot up about 20 spots
    from your midterm ranking, it's a fine achievement.
[13:12] ---
    Yes.
[13:13] ---
    Are you bitter?
[13:15] ---
    No.
[13:16] ---
    Because that's as far as my abilities go.
[13:20] ---
    I expected no less.
[13:22] ---
    Really?
[13:24] ---
    Hey, I need to hit the restroom.
[13:33] ---
    That is a lie.
[13:34] ---
    This boy is so bitter
    that blood may as well spurt from his eyes.
[13:39] ---
    I gave it my all!
[13:41] ---
    I tried my best to crack the Top 50!
[13:43] ---
    And Shinomiya went the extra mile for me!
[13:46] ---
    So what the hell is wrong with me?
[13:48] ---
    Were you serious about that?
[13:50] ---
    Shinomiya!
[13:53] ---
    This is the men's room!
[13:54] ---
    It doesn't matter.
[13:57] ---
    Let me ask you again.
[14:00] ---
    You really aren't bitter about this result?
[14:02] ---
    How could I not be bitter?
[14:05] ---
    Underachiever or not, I thought I could be that
    cool guy who scores high if he puts his mind to it!
[14:11] ---
    But as it turned out, I'm not that guy!
[14:17] ---
    I can see what I need to work on,
    so now I just have to apply myself.
[14:22] ---
    Next time, I'm going to make it
    into the Top 50.
[14:26] ---
    There, you said it.
[14:27] ---
    You can't take it back.
[14:29] ---
    All right, no more kid gloves from now on.
[14:32] ---
    Huh?
[14:33] ---
    That was with kid gloves?
[14:36] ---
    But Shinomiya...
[14:39] ---
    if you spend any more time with me and
    my studies, won't it affect your own grades?
[14:43] ---
    It's really not enough
    to change anything.
[14:47] ---
    Impressive. No wonder you came in second
    after President this time, too.
[14:52] ---
    No wonder you came in second...
[14:56] ---
    That's because I was busy helping you study!
[14:58] ---
    Huh?
[14:59] ---
    If only I hadn't spent all that time on you,
    I could've come in first!
[15:03] ---
    That is a lie.
[15:05] ---
    So, the exam period fraught
    with lies and bitterness ends,
[15:08] ---
    and all the hard work
    for the next round begins.
[15:12] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:13] ---
    Shirogane and Iino win.
[15:15] ---
    - I did it! Yay!
    - All right!
[15:17] ---
    (FIRST-YEARS)
    MIKO IINO
    #1 ---> #1
    YU ISHIGAMI
    #177 ---> #152
[15:17] ---
    SECOND SEMESTER
    ACADEMIC
    RANKINGS
[15:17] ---
    GO KAZAMATSURI
    #11 ---> #13
    NAGISA KASHIWAGI
    #7 ---> #27
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    #101 ---> #111
    AI HAYASAKA
    #114 ---> #114
    KASHIWAGI'S BOYFRIEND
    #84 ---> #34
[15:17] ---
    (SECOND-YEARS)
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    #1 ---> #1
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
    #2 ---> #2
    MAKI SHIJO
    #3 ---> #3
    SABURO TOYOSAKI
    #6 ---> #5
[15:24] ---
    A dinner party at the Fujiwara residence?
[15:26] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO STAY OVER
[15:26] ---
    Yes. My dad said I should invite
    you, Kei and President,
[15:31] ---
    since he's always looking out for me—
[15:34] ---
    I'll go! I wouldn't mind
    if we made it a sleepover!
[15:37] ---
    If his sister's there, then as a matter of course,
    President would stay over, as well.
[15:41] ---
    We can play games together and chat.
[15:43] ---
    And when he starts to nod off...
[15:47] ---
    Now that exams are over,
    it should be okay to relax.
[15:51] ---
    Today... How about today?
[15:53] ---
    Ah...
[15:54] ---
    Yes, yes! Why don't we do that?
[15:56] ---
    My dad's on a business trip today.
[15:59] ---
    That does make things difficult.
[16:04] ---
    I guess there's no way out of it!
[16:06] ---
    Then, let's have a sleepover
    at your house, Kaguya!
[16:09] ---
    What?
[16:11] ---
    Yay!
[16:12] ---
    It's been ages since I was last here!
[16:13] ---
    SHIROGANE
    AND THE OTHERS
    COULDN'T MAKE IT
[16:15] ---
    How did we end up like this?
[16:17] ---
    Oh! Mr. Herthaka!
[16:20] ---
    Long time no see, Miss Chika.
[16:24] ---
    Herthaka versus Designation F!
[16:27] ---
    At school, though Hayasaka hides the fact
    that she's a servant in the Shinomiya household,
[16:31] ---
    she's quite close to Fujiwara.
[16:34] ---
    Because of this, whenever Fujiwara
    is invited to the Shinomiya house,
[16:36] ---
    Hayasaka must greet her
    in full male attire!
[16:40] ---
    You're about the same age as us,
    aren't you, Mr. Herthaka?
[16:43] ---
    What do you do about school and all?
[16:46] ---
    Not a problem.
[16:46] ---
    SNAP
[16:47] ---
    As I skipped some grades
    and graduated from Harvard.
[16:50] ---
    Amazing!
[16:52] ---
    Just a second! How can you be
    so cavalier with the truth?
[16:55] ---
    I'm not being cavalier at all.
[16:57] ---
    My male persona is a genius
    who skipped grades,
[17:00] ---
    and a crybaby who works
    as a butler just for fun.
[17:04] ---
    Not to mention a war orphan—
[17:05] ---
    Enough with the complicated backstories!
[17:08] ---
    When you tell a major lie, you need to refrain
    from any other lies! That's the theory!
[17:09] ---
    Super Butler!
[17:13] ---
    If you say so, Lady Kaguya...
[17:15] ---
    Um, um...
[17:17] ---
    You two are always together, right?
[17:20] ---
    Doesn't your heart ever flutter?
[17:23] ---
    Of course there are times when it does.
[17:24] ---
    There are times when it flutters?
[17:26] ---
    Yes. It happens quite frequently.
[17:28] ---
    Hang on! What are you saying?
[17:30] ---
    My heart is always fluttering and pounding
    at your every word and action.
[17:35] ---
    Well, I do accept the blame for that, but...
[17:38] ---
    The butler and the young lady...
    A forbidden relationship!
[17:41] ---
    Miss Chika...
[17:43] ---
    As I can only have
    romantic feelings for other men...
[17:47] ---
    I do not have that kind of relationship
    with Lady Kaguya.
[17:50] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[17:51] ---
    That's your type?
[17:52] ---
    Don't make it even more complicated!
[18:00] ---
    Kaguya!
[18:02] ---
    Miss Fujiwara!
[18:03] ---
    Isn't this fun?
[18:04] ---
    Yes, it is.
[18:05] ---
    Hey, that's adorable!
[18:07] ---
    You're welcome to try it on!
[18:14] ---
    There!
[18:15] ---
    Hey!
[18:19] ---
    And you see, these days,
    there's something fishy about the guys.
[18:23] ---
    I see.
[18:25] ---
    I think they must be in love.
[18:28] ---
    Well, that's...
[18:30] ---
    rather wild.
[18:32] ---
    I wanted to get to the bottom of it
    during the Ten-Yen Coin Game,
[18:35] ---
    but it ended up
    getting buried in mystery.
[18:38] ---
    I'm thinking that Ishigami's crush
    is that third-year, Tsubame.
[18:41] ---
    But I just can't figure out
    who President's fallen for!
[18:44] ---
    Yes, sure.
[18:45] ---
    This is...
[18:47] ---
    not drinking!
[18:49] ---
    Kaguya tends to require
    many hours of sleep,
[18:52] ---
    and normally, she retires at 11 PM.
[18:55] ---
    But tonight, she's being forced
    to listen to Fujiwara's machine-gun chatter,
[18:59] ---
    and it is now after midnight!
[19:03] ---
    She can barely think straight!
[19:06] ---
    Hey, why don't we give President a call?
[19:08] ---
    Yes, why don't we do that?
[19:10] ---
    There is no one to slam the brakes
    on this strange, late-night energy!
[19:10] ---
    We might as well do it over video!
[19:17] ---
    Yay!
[19:18] ---
    What's going on? It's late, Fujiwara.
[19:21] ---
    Good evening!
[19:22] ---
    And Shinomiya?
[19:24] ---
    Good evening, President!
[19:27] ---
    I'm sleeping over at Kaguya's place right now!
[19:30] ---
    Yes, she is.
[19:31] ---
    Why are you acting like that?
[19:32] ---
    Quiet down, will you?
[19:34] ---
    Huh?
[19:35] ---
    Kaguya and Chika?
[19:37] ---
    Hey, is that you, Kei?
[19:39] ---
    Come on!
[19:40] ---
    Don't let them see this messy room!
[19:43] ---
    So, what can I do for you?
[19:45] ---
    There's something
    I want to ask you, President.
[19:47] ---
    You're in love with someone
    right now, aren't you?
[19:51] ---
    Huh?
[19:51] ---
    KING
[19:53] ---
    What are you talking about?
    Of course I'm not!
[19:55] ---
    That's a lie!
[19:57] ---
    Lately, the student council room
    has been reeking of the scent of lovesickness!
[20:00] ---
    You can't fool my sense of smell.
[20:03] ---
    It must be Ishigami or Iino—
[20:05] ---
    I think there's someone else, too.
[20:07] ---
    - Right now, my brother is in love!
    - Hey! What are you talking about, Kei?
[20:10] ---
    These days, my brother can't keep
    his eyes off his smartphone,
[20:12] ---
    and he's always sending texts
    with a smirk on his face!
[20:15] ---
    There's no way that he's not in love!
[20:17] ---
    I knew it!
[20:18] ---
    You'd better cut it out! I mean it!
[20:20] ---
    It's so distracting when you act all fidgety!
    I can't concentrate on my studies!
[20:25] ---
    Just clear it up now!
[20:27] ---
    Hey you! Give me back my phone!
[20:29] ---
    President! Just give it up already!
[20:32] ---
    I told you, there's no one like that!
[20:33] ---
    I know all about it!
[20:34] ---
    It's the person you just started
    texting on Line recently!
[20:39] ---
    Huh? Who? Who?
[20:41] ---
    That would be...
[20:42] ---
    someone named Herthaka!
[20:44] ---
    My brother is in love
    with someone named Herthaka!
[20:55] ---
    I-I-I think I'm going to use the restroom.
[21:00] ---
    President...
[21:02] ---
    Is that true?
[21:04] ---
    No! It's just to catch up on things!
[21:07] ---
    Like, what books we've read
    or how we did on our exams!
[21:10] ---
    But you never send me
    any texts like that.
[21:13] ---
    Well, that's because—
[21:14] ---
    I am extremely furious right now.
[21:19] ---
    But if you tell me
    who you're in love with, I'll forgive you.
[21:24] ---
    Wh-Wh-What? No, that would be—
[21:28] ---
    Then, if I say it, will you tell me?
[21:32] ---
    What?
[21:34] ---
    The person I'm in love with is...
[21:44] ---
    Hello?
[21:46] ---
    Hello!
[21:47] ---
    Who? Who is it? Who? Hello?
[21:50] ---
    Hello? Who?
[21:52] ---
    Hello?
[21:53] ---
    Herthaka?
[21:54] ---
    As Lady Kaguya has fallen asleep,
    I'm going to hang up now.
[21:57] ---
    I'll text you again later, Miyuki.
[21:59] ---
    Huh?
[22:00] ---
    That's Herthaka?
[22:02] ---
    She's so gorgeous!
[22:03] ---
    - You're trying for someone out of your league?
    - You have the wrong idea!
[22:06] ---
    She's just a female friend of mine!
[22:07] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[22:09] ---
    So...
[22:10] ---
    the sleepover comes to an end but not
    without causing a huge misunderstanding.
[22:13] ---
    What? President and Mr. Herthaka?
[22:16] ---
    What? Whaaaaat?
[22:18] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:21] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[22:23] ---
    President...
[22:25] ---
    MISS HERTHAKA
    Lives in Yamate, Naka Ward, Yokohama City.
    A fairly well-bred girl.
[22:26] ---
    AI HAYASAKA
    SCHOOL CAMOUFLAGE POPULAR GIRL MODE
    A spirited girl with a penchant for fashion
    and for breaking the rules at school.
[22:27] ---
    MR. HERTHAKA
    Descended from Irish immigrants who fled
    their homeland during the Great Potato Famine.
[22:28] ---
    AI HAYASAKA
    IN SHINOMIYA FAMILY MODE
    A coolheaded maid
    who can pull off anything.

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E5 - Chika Fujiwara Wants to Beat a Rhythm

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] ---
    You want me
    to listen to you rap?
[00:11] ---
    Why?
[00:12] ---
    This is how it all came about!
[00:13] ---
    Let's go back to the night when Hayasaka fled...
[00:15] ---
    from the sound of Shirogane's rapping!
[00:18] ---
    Inside that empty karaoke box,
[00:19] ---
    Shirogane had
    one intense thought!
[00:22] ---
    "I'm going to practice my rapping!"
[00:28] ---
    Chika! Save me!
[00:31] ---
    Wh-What's wrong?
[00:33] ---
    Stop my brother!
[00:34] ---
    Huh?
[00:35] ---
    I need you to choke
    the life out of my brother...
[00:37] ---
    right now!
[00:39] ---
    Choke the life out of him?
[00:41] ---
    Those were Kei's exact words.
[00:44] ---
    What were you
    doing exactly?
[00:44] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO BEAT A RHYTHM
[00:46] ---
    It must've been pretty bad if your sister
    incited a murder!
[00:48] ---
    No, it was...
[00:51] ---
    I was just practicing my rapping.
[00:53] ---
    Rapping?
[00:54] ---
    That thing where you go, "Yo, yo!"?
[00:56] ---
    Well, yeah.
[00:58] ---
    What, so you're into rap?
[01:00] ---
    Well, not like listening
    to hip-hop is so unusual.
[01:04] ---
    But you don't seem
    like the type to listen to it.
[01:07] ---
    Hey, look down on it all you want...
[01:09] ---
    but freestyle rap can be extremely literary.
[01:13] ---
    You could even call it
    an intelligent sport.
[01:16] ---
    Intelligent sport?
[01:19] ---
    There are rules to the lyrics,
    not to mention aesthetics.
[01:21] ---
    Not only is rap a mental sport
    that employs words, it's also an art!
[01:25] ---
    Oh, is it really?
[01:27] ---
    But why did you suddenly decide
    to practice rapping?
[01:32] ---
    The other day, I had to share
    one of my vulnerabilities with someone.
[01:37] ---
    And I unveiled my rapping to her.
[01:40] ---
    Not only did I knock her out,
    but she also ran off while I was in the restroom.
[01:43] ---
    Awww, I feel bad.
[01:45] ---
    For the other person.
[01:47] ---
    Well, it wasn't really a big deal.
[01:49] ---
    After we exchanged contact info,
    she apologized right away by text.
[01:52] ---
    Although you should've been
    the one apologizing, President!
[01:55] ---
    It's just that...
[01:57] ---
    No one will ever love you
    unless you're acting.
[02:00] ---
    There's something that I...
[02:02] ---
    need to tell her, but...
[02:04] ---
    there are just some feelings
    that I can't convey!
[02:06] ---
    Feelings?
[02:08] ---
    Wait, are you talking about...
[02:09] ---
    Yeah.
[02:11] ---
    This is extremely important.
[02:13] ---
    I need to let her know.
[02:14] ---
    That there are times when people
    must expose their weaknesses, too!
[02:21] ---
    And the way to do that is...
[02:22] ---
    Rap?
[02:23] ---
    Right. But my weakness...
[02:26] ---
    My rapping was so horrible,
    it knocked her out.
[02:30] ---
    But if I can get better at it...
[02:32] ---
    then maybe my feelings can be conveyed.
[02:35] ---
    That's lovely! What's important
    is what you want to convey and to whom!
[02:39] ---
    You just described
    the spirit of expression, President!
[02:42] ---
    I would love to help you out!
[02:44] ---
    Huh? Are you sure?
[02:46] ---
    I'm so bad at it that I hesitate
    to even tell people that I have such a hobby.
[02:50] ---
    But you're always bad
    at everything, President!
[02:53] ---
    But you know what's more important?
[02:57] ---
    Conveying those beautiful feelings
    inside you to that person.
[03:00] ---
    Fujiwara...
[03:01] ---
    So come on, let me hear you rap!
[03:05] ---
    Sure!
[03:11] ---
    VOLUME WARNING
[03:14] ---
    VOLUME WARNING
[03:15] ---
    VOLUME WARNING
[03:32] ---
    Well?
[03:37] ---
    No one told me you were this awful!
[03:38] ---
    ARGH
    ARGH
[03:39] ---
    Apologize! Apologize to music
    and to all musical artists!
[03:43] ---
    That bad, huh?
[03:44] ---
    The problem's your pitchiness
    and your lack of rhythm.
[03:48] ---
    I thought you were able to sing
    the school anthem somewhat on pitch now!
[03:52] ---
    And I know that you've learned
    to handle the soran dance rhythm!
[03:55] ---
    Yet, none of that is on display!
[03:57] ---
    All those days I spent on you
    were just a waste of time!
[03:58] ---
    WAAAH
[03:59] ---
    Hey, it's not as if my pitch
    and sense of rhythm got reset, okay?
[04:04] ---
    It's just that when I try
    to stay on pitch, I lose the rhythm,
[04:07] ---
    and when I try to get into rhythm,
    I can't stay on pitch.
[04:10] ---
    I end up achieving neither in a deadlock!
[04:12] ---
    But that's the worst possible outcome!
[04:14] ---
    PITCH
[04:15] ---
    It's like the two final bosses we took out
    came back to life and fused into one single demon!
[04:15] ---
    RHYTHM
[04:19] ---
    What am I supposed to do about that?
[04:21] ---
    Why don't you just text how you feel?
[04:24] ---
    Says the person who was just talking
    about the spirit of expression.
[04:27] ---
    In the first place, what are you hoping
    to convey through these totally bad puns?
[04:32] ---
    Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[04:34] ---
    Are you confusing rhymes
    and bad puns by any chance?
[04:38] ---
    Rhymes?
[04:38] ---
    Seriously, Fujiwara,
    you know nothing about rap, do you?
[04:42] ---
    To be honest, I thought I could get by
    if I just added a "yo" at the end.
[04:46] ---
    I appreciate your concern, Fujiwara,
    but I'm going to take care of this myself.
[04:51] ---
    What? Hey, hold up a minute!
[04:53] ---
    I can do it right! I'll take a crash course in rap...
[04:56] ---
    and train hard so I can teach you
    all there is to know!
[05:01] ---
    Are you sure you can do it?
[05:03] ---
    Rap isn't as easy as you think.
[05:05] ---
    Just watch! I'm so going to pull it off!
[05:07] ---
    And so, the days of hard training begin!
[05:11] ---
    HISTORY
[05:11] ---
    LYRIC
    NOTES
[05:12] ---
    DEMON
[05:14] ---
    SHE SELLS SEASHELLS
    BY THE SEASHORE!
[05:24] ---
    A FEW DAYS LATER
[05:25] ---
    A few days later.
[05:27] ---
    Here we go.
[05:30] ---
    Yo, here we are, at Shuchiin!
[05:32] ---
    We come every day 'cuz that's our routine!
[05:34] ---
    Exam time's comin' 'pon us fast,
[05:37] ---
    but we're sneakin' 'round
    behind our 'rents' backs!
[05:44] ---
    Well, that bears some semblance to rap.
[05:46] ---
    But something's missing, right?
[05:49] ---
    The word "rap" means "conversation."
[05:52] ---
    In freestyle, the rapper must spit out
    the emotions in a nonstop, rapid-fire stream.
[05:58] ---
    So fast that he can't fake it.
[06:02] ---
    Secretary Fujiwara, I want you
    to uncork all of your honest feelings!
[06:05] ---
    That's what hip-hop is all about!
[06:07] ---
    All of my feelings...
[06:09] ---
    Honestly?
[06:12] ---
    All this time, I was only thinking
    of making it all rhyme.
[06:16] ---
    I see. So it's the same as playing the piano.
[06:20] ---
    What you want to convey and to whom...
[06:23] ---
    So rap is exactly the same, huh?
[06:25] ---
    Hey, yo!
[06:26] ---
    President's useless and inept, yeah!
[06:28] ---
    Gonna bury you,
    so just save your breath, yo!
[06:31] ---
    Hitting the books is all he's good for!
[06:34] ---
    Trying to teach him is a huge chore!
[06:36] ---
    Can't take no more!
    This is like abuse!
[06:38] ---
    I'm sick of your lies!
    Gonna cut you loose!
[06:41] ---
    You got no rhythm! You totally suck!
[06:44] ---
    Just keep drinkin'
    your momma's milk, you XXX!
[06:50] ---
    Cool!
[06:54] ---
    I have nothing more to teach you.
[06:56] ---
    You've graduated.
[06:58] ---
    President...
[07:00] ---
    Thank you for everything!
[07:02] ---
    Sure.
[07:03] ---
    Okay, now teach me how to rap!
[07:06] ---
    Huh?
[07:08] ---
    All right, good work today!
[07:10] ---
    Another time, okay? Bye-bye!
[07:12] ---
    Hey, hold up!
[07:14] ---
    Didn't you master rap
    so you could teach me how to rap?
[07:17] ---
    I'm still just as bad at rapping as before!
[07:19] ---
    Then, why am I learning how to rap
    from the one I'm teaching to rap?
[07:19] ---
    HAHAHAHA
[07:23] ---
    You're right! That's weird!
[07:28] ---
    PITCH
[07:28] ---
    RHYTHM
[07:31] ---
    MotherXXXer!
[07:35] ---
    Next time...
[07:36] ---
    Versus Herthaka Arc!
[07:40] ---
    MotherXXXer!
[07:45] ---
    Not bad!
[07:49] ---
    I think you'll be able to convey
    your feelings through this rap!
[07:54] ---
    You think?
[07:56] ---
    By the way, is this person someone I know?
[07:56] ---
    AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO TALK
[08:00] ---
    - Yeah, you know this person all right.
    - Huh?
[08:02] ---
    Let's not waste any more time and call now!
[08:05] ---
    Right! I'm going to throw down
    the gauntlet!
[08:11] ---
    Herthaka... You...
[08:16] ---
    They're colored contacts.
[08:18] ---
    I just wanted you to know about my job.
[08:22] ---
    Your job?
[08:23] ---
    At the behest of the Shinomiya Family,
[08:26] ---
    I've been keeping tabs
    on Lady Kaguya and those around her.
[08:29] ---
    Keeping tabs on her?
[08:31] ---
    What a piece of work that family is.
[08:33] ---
    That's true. So, it would be inconvenient
    if you were to avoid me. So...
[08:40] ---
    do you think that you and I
    could just be normal friends?
[08:48] ---
    Yes, hello? Oh, Miyuki?
[08:51] ---
    Huh? President?
[08:52] ---
    Sorry for the short notice,
    but will you be free tomorrow?
[08:56] ---
    I have something important
    to tell you, Herthaka.
[09:01] ---
    After school, at 4 PM, I suppose.
[09:03] ---
    Sure, that works for me.
[09:05] ---
    All right, I'll be waiting in Shiba Park.
[09:08] ---
    Hey, hold on a second! So the person
    you want to convey your feelings to...
[09:11] ---
    is Herthaka at Kaguya's house?
[09:13] ---
    PRETTY BOY
[09:14] ---
    Hey, don't tell Shinomiya, okay?
[09:17] ---
    I mean, since Herthaka and I are...
[09:19] ---
    You know, a guy and a girl—
[09:20] ---
    You have a guy-girl relationship?
[09:23] ---
    Do you see Herthaka as a woman?
[09:26] ---
    Well, you could say that.
[09:27] ---
    So you do see Herthaka as a woman.
[09:30] ---
    And so...
[09:32] ---
    I'll be going on a date
    with President tomorrow.
[09:35] ---
    But just now, I could hear
    the secretary talking, too.
[09:39] ---
    In that case, I'll have to wear...
[09:47] ---
    Huh?
[09:54] ---
    Why are you dressed like that?
[09:55] ---
    This is part of my job.
[09:57] ---
    It just won't do for Fujiwara
    to find out that I'm a girl.
[10:00] ---
    This job of yours sure is tough.
[10:01] ---
    Hey, look at them making out!
[10:05] ---
    So?
[10:06] ---
    What can I do for you today?
[10:08] ---
    Right.
[10:09] ---
    I wanted you to hear me rap, Herthaka.
[10:12] ---
    I see.
[10:14] ---
    Me, listen to you rap, President...
[10:17] ---
    But why?
[10:19] ---
    - Am I allowed to use earplugs?
    - No way!
[10:21] ---
    Please just listen to him!
[10:23] ---
    President is trying to convey
    his feelings to you through his song!
[10:27] ---
    J-Just hold on a second!
    What on earth is going on?
[10:29] ---
    Shinomiya?
[10:30] ---
    Convey your feelings through song?
[10:30] ---
    THINKING WE HAD BEEN REUNITED
    BUT BEFORE I COULD BE SURE IT WAS YOU
[10:32] ---
    That's like a Heian-era confession of love!
[10:35] ---
    Now it's getting really complicated!
[10:38] ---
    Never mind, Fujiwara!
[10:39] ---
    Start the music!
[10:41] ---
    Check!
[10:55] ---
    Give it up for... MC Miyuki!
[11:02] ---
    Makin' my mark! Lettin' out a roar!
[11:04] ---
    I represent Shuchiin!
[11:06] ---
    Useless, toneless, but I've been restored!
[11:08] ---
    That's Miyuki actually
    keeping time with the beat?
[11:11] ---
    Why does that surprise you, Hayasaka?
[11:13] ---
    I wanna know! Two guys XXXin'!
[11:15] ---
    Should I cheer them on
    or stop them? Hmm!
[11:19] ---
    It's a dilemma!
    My heart's poundin', poundin', poundin'!
[11:21] ---
    What's Miss Fujiwara
    going on and on about?
[11:23] ---
    Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Herthaka!
[11:27] ---
    It was you who said it!
    You gotta act if you wanna be loved!
[11:30] ---
    Well, now I'm gonna answer your question!
    Never be loved as you are? That's why you act?
[11:34] ---
    Is that right? Is that life?
[11:35] ---
    XXX it! I'm acting out the ideal me!
[11:38] ---
    The step I gotta take
    to become the real me!
[11:42] ---
    This ain't a fashion show,
    so I can't change my clothes!
[11:44] ---
    It's the one and only way to live, bros!
[11:46] ---
    Never gonna stop clawin' my way to the top!
[11:48] ---
    That's my non-fiction!
    I'm writin' it nonstop!
[11:50] ---
    Yeah!
[11:52] ---
    What in the world was that weird song?
[11:53] ---
    - Yay!
    - Yes! We did it, Fujiwara!
[11:55] ---
    Just what kind of feelings do you expect
    to convey in such a— Hayasaka?
[11:59] ---
    Did something just resonate with you?
[12:02] ---
    You weren't moved?
[12:04] ---
    So you're the type of person who's never had
    the organs of a sea slug invade your ears.
[12:08] ---
    I'm sure no one ever has!
[12:10] ---
    Glug!
[12:12] ---
    What a perfectly decent rap.
[12:14] ---
    How much practice did it take
    for you to achieve this?
[12:18] ---
    That thought alone
    is enough to move me to tears!
[12:22] ---
    I hear you.
[12:23] ---
    I have no idea what you're talking about.
[12:25] ---
    Really! I'm serious,
    what's the meaning of this?
[12:29] ---
    What's up? It's far from over, yo!
[12:33] ---
    You're gonna get all bloody
    hearin' my rhymes!
[12:35] ---
    I'll rip that flimsy mask
    off your face in no time!
[12:39] ---
    Come on! Will you listen to me?
[12:42] ---
    The two of you! The two of you!
[12:44] ---
    The two of you! The two of you!
    The two of you!
[12:46] ---
    The two of you! Behind my back!
    In contact all along!
[12:49] ---
    Such brazen! Deception!
    Will get you retribution!
[12:51] ---
    I need you to explain
    so that I can stay sane!
[12:54] ---
    Don't keep me waitin',
    that would be far too gratin'!
[12:59] ---
    That was great!
[13:00] ---
    You poured your soul into those rhymes.
[13:02] ---
    What? That was acceptable?
[13:04] ---
    You were able to match him
    on your first try! That's our Kaguya!
[13:08] ---
    W-Well, that was nothing, really.
[13:12] ---
    Oh, forgive me. There is someone here
    who can't handle even this much.
[13:16] ---
    IRATE
[13:23] ---
    What's up, Herthaka?
[13:25] ---
    Huh?
[13:26] ---
    The truth is, you wish you could shout it out, too!
[13:28] ---
    But you hide your cowardice
    behind your defenses! Boo!
[13:30] ---
    If you keep hiding, we'll never know!
[13:33] ---
    Blue ass!
[13:36] ---
    If you don't expose it, you'll never know!
[13:38] ---
    True love!
[13:41] ---
    Enough with the futile resistance, yo!
[13:43] ---
    Your true desire! Time to say "Ho!"
[13:48] ---
    True desire?
[14:02] ---
    Don't force it...
    Different strokes for different folks...
[14:05] ---
    This girl always keeps
    guardrails around her soul...
[14:08] ---
    Never showing her true self...
    It's always a siege...
[14:13] ---
    She has the know-how
    to act and create her personas...
[14:17] ---
    Her fake self is the scapegoat...
    It's her safety zone...
[14:22] ---
    She's just a coward
    who never wants to get hurt...
[14:26] ---
    Always throwing tantrums...
[14:28] ---
    Like a little girl...
[14:34] ---
    Crybaby...
[14:36] ---
    Stomping her feet...
[14:40] ---
    That's her M.O...
[14:57] ---
    Always forcin' impossible tasks on me!
[15:00] ---
    You're a spoiled brat
    whose life is so carefree!
[15:03] ---
    How can you say that
    when you're always dependin' on me?
[15:07] ---
    I'll teach you
    how to speak to me properly!
[15:10] ---
    This act I put on! I do it for you to protect you
    from the grown-ups! It's your shield!
[15:14] ---
    Somewhere along the way, I became a hydra
    with multiple faces! Be grateful, will you?
[15:18] ---
    My job! Don't I support you
    without taking a day off?
[15:22] ---
    I'll only be a second-year once!
    And soon it's gonna end!
[15:24] ---
    But all I do is work,
    and there's never any time to spend!
[15:26] ---
    I wanna have
    those bittersweet feelings, too!
[15:28] ---
    Lady Kaguya, I'm so jealous of you!
[15:31] ---
    Still not sure when the answer's in front of me!
    Overloaded with joy or tremblin' with fear!
[15:36] ---
    I wanna do it, too!
    Enjoy my life as a teenager!
[15:39] ---
    I want one, too!
    A male friend, nothing major!
[15:56] ---
    Yes, my man.
[16:00] ---
    MC Miyuki.
[16:03] ---
    Male relationships...
[16:07] ---
    are so beautiful!
[16:12] ---
    Today's battle result...
[16:14] ---
    Hayasaka wins.
[16:16] ---
    Is that... You know?
[16:18] ---
    You just want to be friends with
    President, right?
[16:21] ---
    You could also say
    I want to start off as friends, and...
[16:26] ---
    STARE
[16:28] ---
    STUDENT
    COUNCIL ROOM
[16:29] ---
    MAKI SHIJO
    WANTS SOME HELP
[16:29] ---
    President?
[16:31] ---
    What's going on?
[16:32] ---
    You're standing there frozen
    in front of the door.
[16:34] ---
    Hey, Ishigami...
[16:35] ---
    It's just...
[16:37] ---
    Take a look and you'll see.
[16:42] ---
    Hey! The tsundere senpai is crying!
[16:44] ---
    How could she just barge in here
    and collapse on the floor without asking?
[16:47] ---
    That's scary!
[16:49] ---
    I'm assuming something tragic involving that
    couple experiencing nirvana happened again.
[16:52] ---
    STOKED
    STOKED
[16:52] ---
    Let's pump her for more details!
[16:56] ---
    Here's some passion flower herbal tea.
[17:01] ---
    That's intense.
[17:03] ---
    Of course it is.
[17:04] ---
    Passion flowers contain
    active ingredients like alkaloids,
[17:08] ---
    so they say it's good
    for hysteria and neurosis.
[17:11] ---
    I'm going to clobber you.
[17:14] ---
    So, tell us.
[17:15] ---
    Are you in some kind of distress?
[17:18] ---
    It's not serious enough
    to call it distress.
[17:21] ---
    I'd like to ask something casual,
    like "What did you eat for breakfast?"
[17:24] ---
    Well, I guess we'd have
    no problem with that.
[17:27] ---
    Tell me...
[17:29] ---
    Isn't friendship just something
    that makes people miserable?
[17:32] ---
    Which part of that is casual?
[17:35] ---
    Well, you know how Nagisa and her boyfriend
    are in the volunteer club?
[17:38] ---
    Since they're the only members,
    their advisor prodded them to get more members.
[17:42] ---
    And Nagisa said she wanted me,
    so I ended up joining.
[17:45] ---
    Oh yeah?
[17:47] ---
    This is your chance to steal him
    from Kashiwagi, then.
[17:50] ---
    You ignoramus.
[17:52] ---
    I've been friends with Nagisa
    since elementary school!
[17:54] ---
    I didn't help her out
    because I had such evil intentions!
[17:57] ---
    I only joined because Nagisa was in a bind,
    and I thought I could help.
[18:01] ---
    You can be awesome in such a weird way.
[18:03] ---
    And yet...
[18:04] ---
    that woman...
[18:06] ---
    She acts like I'm not there,
    making out, making out, making out!
[18:06] ---
    THE COUPLE,
    SAVORING LIFE'S
    LITTLE THRILLS
[18:09] ---
    - Whoa.
    - Whoa.
[18:11] ---
    Lately...
[18:13] ---
    SQUEEZE
[18:13] ---
    I get a stabbing pain in my stomach
    whenever I see Nagisa's face.
[18:16] ---
    For some reason, it's like I've lost
    both my crush and my friend all at once.
[18:20] ---
    When I smile, I feel like such a fake.
[18:24] ---
    Female friendships are fragile.
[18:27] ---
    Because it doesn't take much
    for the cracks to start showing, over a guy.
[18:30] ---
    Would you like
    another cup of herbal tea?
[18:32] ---
    Yes. If you don't mind.
[18:35] ---
    Anyway...
[18:37] ---
    this has been bugging me.
[18:39] ---
    What is it about this guy
    that you find so alluring?
[18:42] ---
    Huh?
[18:42] ---
    Well, since you're always
    at Kashiwagi's beck and call—
[18:44] ---
    As if you know anything about Tsubasa!
[18:48] ---
    Well, I admit that at a glance,
    Tsubasa does seem rather flippant.
[18:51] ---
    But he never gets mad when I snap at him,
    and he always gives me a smile.
[18:55] ---
    How should I describe Tsubasa?
    When I'm with him, my heart's at ease.
[18:59] ---
    At any rate, he's just a really warm person!
[19:01] ---
    Don't ever badmouth Tsubasa again!
[19:04] ---
    So his name's Tsubasa.
[19:06] ---
    All this time, I've had him down
    as "Kashiwagi's boyfriend."
[19:08] ---
    IT TOOK UNTIL THE THIRD SEASON
    FOR THE TRUTH TO BE REVEALED
[19:10] ---
    Anyway, if those two are experiencing nirvana,
    a mere mortal has no chance of butting in.
[19:16] ---
    What do you mean about nirvana?
[19:17] ---
    Hey, Ishigami!
[19:18] ---
    You're talking to a girl!
[19:20] ---
    What's your problem?
[19:22] ---
    Uh, it's a somewhat vulgar topic, so...
[19:24] ---
    I don't care. Just tell me.
[19:26] ---
    I mean, uh...
[19:27] ---
    I was referring to their first time.
[19:29] ---
    First time?
[19:31] ---
    Oh, you're talking about them kissing.
[19:34] ---
    Come on, that's not anything
    to write home about.
[19:36] ---
    After all, I've seen it numerous times.
[19:38] ---
    No, that's not what I meant.
[19:41] ---
    You know...
[19:44] ---
    Sek?
[19:47] ---
    Are you out of your mind?
    Nagisa and Tsubasa are in high school!
[19:50] ---
    Sek is for after you're married!
[19:53] ---
    No, actually, one in three high school
    students has had sek.
[19:56] ---
    Don't copy me! And really, that many?
[19:59] ---
    If I had to guess, it probably
    happened over summer break.
[20:01] ---
    Right.
[20:02] ---
    Don't narrow down the timing!
    It's too graphic! Another cup of herbal tea!
[20:08] ---
    You're going to have your hands full
    trying to break them up now.
[20:12] ---
    You no longer have a prayer
    against Goddess Kashiwagi.
[20:15] ---
    Nagisa only looks like Satan to me.
[20:19] ---
    Love and friendship.
[20:21] ---
    They really are difficult, aren't they?
[20:24] ---
    If Ishigami started dating Shinomiya, I'd...
[20:27] ---
    AHH...
[20:31] ---
    A love triangle, huh?
[20:34] ---
    If President and Tsubame were to...
[20:36] ---
    SWOON
[20:41] ---
    Now I'm more confused than ever!
[20:43] ---
    I was sure that two heads
    would be better than one,
[20:46] ---
    but it looks like consulting you two
    was a mistake!
[20:50] ---
    Why, oh why, did things turn out like this?
[20:53] ---
    Because you didn't confess
    your feelings right away.
[20:57] ---
    Love is all about speed.
[20:59] ---
    When you fall in love,
    you need to confess right away.
[21:03] ---
    Ishigami is absolutely right.
[21:05] ---
    Waiting for the other party to confess first
    is just a passive way to save face.
[21:09] ---
    Don't you think there are times
    when you ought to just throw away your pride?
[21:13] ---
    I know all that.
[21:15] ---
    I know all that,
    but I'm way too scared to confess!
[21:18] ---
    - Tell me about it!
    - Tell me about it!
[21:21] ---
    Even with three people unable to confess
    all in the same room,
[21:24] ---
    it barely moves the needle.
[21:27] ---
    Either way, it's too late.
[21:30] ---
    I've thought to myself hundreds of times,
    "If only I'd acted differently that day..."
[21:33] ---
    But in reality, it changed nothing.
[21:36] ---
    You two should make sure
    you have no regrets.
[21:39] ---
    You can't end up like me.
[21:41] ---
    Shijo...
[21:43] ---
    Well, hey...
[21:45] ---
    I think I understand your pain, too.
[21:49] ---
    Come to the student council room
    whenever it gets too hard to bear.
[21:52] ---
    We'll welcome you.
[21:53] ---
    I'll brew you some herbal tea.
[21:57] ---
    Shirogane...
[21:58] ---
    Ishigami...
[22:00] ---
    Maki? You're here again?
[22:03] ---
    It's none of your business,
    is it now, Auntie?
[22:05] ---
    I just stopped by
    to see my friends, that's all.
[22:09] ---
    Friends? And who would they be?
[22:12] ---
    Isn't it obvious?
[22:14] ---
    Miyuki and Yu are my friends.
[22:17] ---
    President has one more female friend!
[22:20] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:22] ---
    Maki Shijo wins.
[22:23] ---
    I'll come visit them again!
[22:25] ---
    No, that's not it.
[22:27] ---
    I do feel as if I remember...

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E6 - The Student Council Wants to Move Forward

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE INSTRUCTIONS
[00:01] ---
    Huh?
[00:02] ---
    Shinomiya and Fujiwara aren't here?
[00:05] ---
    The second-years have
    Parent-Teacher Conferences.
[00:07] ---
    I've got one, too, but I'm going last.
[00:10] ---
    PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE INSTRUCTIONS
    PLEASE ENTER AND TURN RIGHT
[00:10] ---
    Really?
[00:11] ---
    Parent-Teacher Conferences!
[00:13] ---
    Chika!
[00:14] ---
    Oh! Dad!
[00:17] ---
    Based on your post-graduate
    counseling form and final exam scores,
[00:20] ---
    you discuss your options,
    college or employment.
[00:22] ---
    If you choose college, you discuss with your parents
    whether you'll be advancing to Shuchiin Academy
[00:25] ---
    or else applying to a university
    outside the academy.
[00:27] ---
    TEACHER
[00:27] ---
    STUDENT
[00:27] ---
    PARENT
[00:27] ---
    That is what Parent-Teacher
    Conferences are all about!
[00:28] ---
    FLAME TYPE
[00:28] ---
    WATER TYPE
[00:28] ---
    GRASS TYPE
[00:29] ---
    What you want to be when you grow up...
[00:31] ---
    It's also a forum for you
    to declare your dreams for the future!
[00:34] ---
    What a drag.
    We're still just in high school.
[00:38] ---
    I have no clue
    about what's in store for me.
[00:41] ---
    Don't you have a vision for the future?
[00:45] ---
    To be honest, I can't decide.
[00:47] ---
    It's a toss-up between a CEO and a NEET.
[00:48] ---
    You're lucky to have those choices!
[00:50] ---
    KOROPON CO. LTD.
[00:51] ---
    My big brother will be taking
    over the company anyway.
[00:53] ---
    And my parents have told me
    to feel free to do whatever.
[00:54] ---
    SO WHAT
    ARE YOU
    GONNA DO?
[00:57] ---
    So, not working at all
    is one option, too, right?
[01:00] ---
    No way is that an option.
[01:02] ---
    If you have the means to,
    at least get a college degree.
[01:05] ---
    You can always decide
    what you want to do afterwards.
[01:08] ---
    Are you considering a career in law, Iino?
[01:10] ---
    That's the plan for now.
[01:12] ---
    But though I know I'm going to apply
    to a prelaw program, beyond that...
[01:18] ---
    Whatever you do,
    don't become a prosecutor.
[01:21] ---
    Or you'll end up sending
    tons of innocent people to jail.
[01:25] ---
    True. I won't hold back
    when I'm prosecuting you, Ishigami.
[01:29] ---
    What about you, President?
[01:30] ---
    You're going on to college, right?
[01:32] ---
    That's right.
[03:07] ---
    I see. So you're not ruling out
    trying for an outside university, either.
[03:07] ---
    THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    WANTS TO MOVE FORWARD
[03:12] ---
    Right!
[03:13] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    you're an award-winning pianist.
[03:16] ---
    Aren't you considering
    applying to a conservatory?
[03:18] ---
    I'd rather just keep playing as a hobby
    to keep it at arm's length.
[03:23] ---
    Do you have any idea what kind of job
    you'd like to get in the future?
[03:26] ---
    Hmm, let's see.
[03:29] ---
    I'd like to be prime minister!
[03:29] ---
    HEH HEH
[03:31] ---
    HAHAHAHA
[03:32] ---
    Teacher! That was your cue to laugh!
[03:35] ---
    It's just that...
[03:36] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO ADVANCE
    TO A UNIVERSITY
    OUTSIDE
    THE ACADEMY
[03:36] ---
    It's amazing how you can say that
    without sounding like you're joking.
[03:39] ---
    Will you be all right?
[03:41] ---
    I've got this!
[03:45] ---
    Of course, my father
    won't be coming, will he?
[03:48] ---
    Word is that he'll be sending a surrogate.
[03:51] ---
    Do you think Nao will be coming?
[03:53] ---
    My mom? She won't be coming.
[03:56] ---
    She's quite busy.
[03:58] ---
    Also, she has no interest
    in her own daughter.
[04:00] ---
    WHITE CATS
    ARE NOW
    ALL THE RAGE
    EVERYWHERE?
[04:00] ---
    She couldn't care less about my future—
[04:02] ---
    Oh yes, I do care!
[04:06] ---
    Mommy!
[04:10] ---
    It's been a long time, Miss Kaguya.
[04:13] ---
    With your permission, I will be attending
    your conference on Mr. Gan'an's behalf.
[04:18] ---
    Thank you for your support, Nao.
[04:22] ---
    Mom, you came for Lady Kaguya,
    didn't you? It wasn't for me—
[04:26] ---
    No.
[04:27] ---
    I've always intended to take today off.
[04:30] ---
    Really?
[04:32] ---
    I was eager to see
    my daughter's face after so long.
[04:35] ---
    Then, will we be having dinner
    together tonight?
[04:38] ---
    Yes.
[04:39] ---
    Why don't the three of us go out
    and have a nice meal somewhere?
[04:42] ---
    Okay!
[04:42] ---
    Mama's girl.
[04:43] ---
    Hey, Mom! I want yakiniku or sushi!
[04:44] ---
    But good for you, Hayasaka.
[04:46] ---
    What?
[04:47] ---
    I think I'd prefer to have puffer fish.
[04:47] ---
    Having your parent show up
    must make one happy, I suppose.
[04:49] ---
    What's another name for puffer fish?
[04:51] ---
    That would be "teppou," right?
[04:52] ---
    - Because if it hits you, you die!
    - Because if it hits you, you die!
[05:06] ---
    Hey, Kaguya.
[05:08] ---
    FLINCH
[05:09] ---
    P-P-President's father?
[05:11] ---
    How's it going?
[05:12] ---
    Oh, I'm the picture of health!
[05:15] ---
    No, not that.
[05:17] ---
    Anything going on with Miyuki lately?
[05:20] ---
    Nothing has happened!
[05:21] ---
    Hey, no need to be so bashful.
[05:23] ---
    Have you kissed?
[05:25] ---
    Have you at least kissed yet?
[05:27] ---
    W-We have not!
[05:29] ---
    Well, that's lame.
[05:30] ---
    You're in high school. Let your youth and momentum
    take over, and score like there's no tomorrow.
[05:34] ---
    Don't worry. I'm not averse
    to student marriages.
[05:37] ---
    Marriage?
[05:38] ---
    Who is that man?
[05:39] ---
    The father of the boy
    Lady Kaguya has a crush on.
[05:42] ---
    Are you serious? This is so hilarious!
    I wouldn't mind paying to see it!
[05:45] ---
    Where are your parents today, Kaguya?
[05:48] ---
    I thought I should
    formally introduce myself.
[05:51] ---
    They're not here today.
[05:52] ---
    Really? That's not good.
[05:55] ---
    Hey, then why don't I sit in
    as your dad?
[05:56] ---
    DAD ACTIVITIES
[05:58] ---
    Please don't utter ridiculous things
    with such a straight face!
[06:01] ---
    You can call me "dad" if you like.
[06:03] ---
    I will not call you that! Hayasaka!
    Don't just stand there watching! Rescue me!
[06:07] ---
    HAYASAKA
[06:07] ---
    Understood.
[06:09] ---
    I don't believe we've met
    before, Mr. Shirogane.
[06:12] ---
    I am filling in
    as Lady Kaguya's mother today.
[06:15] ---
    Although we're not related by blood,
    you may think of me as her honorary mother.
[06:20] ---
    Honorary mother? Is that right?
[06:23] ---
    Well, I'm more or less
    your honorary dad, you know.
[06:25] ---
    Please be quiet!
[06:28] ---
    In that case,
    that was quite forward of me.
[06:31] ---
    I happen to be a government-certified
    career consultant,
[06:36] ---
    and as such, I merely fancied
    that I might be of some assistance.
[06:39] ---
    Career consultant?
[06:41] ---
    Well, I must say, we could certainly use
    more people like you in this day and age!
[06:44] ---
    So that penchant for qualifications
    runs in the family.
[06:46] ---
    Lady Kaguya, let us take this opportunity
    to have this gentleman sit in with us.
[06:50] ---
    Huh?
[06:51] ---
    It's the Shinomiya way to use
    whatever they can avail themselves of.
[06:54] ---
    Are you sure about this, Mom?
[06:56] ---
    But it's bound to be such fun!
[06:58] ---
    Mom, you're so twisted.
[07:00] ---
    Miss Shinomiya and her parents?
[07:02] ---
    - Here!
    - Here!
[07:03] ---
    What?
[07:05] ---
    And so, each student gets a chance
    to speak up about their dreams!
[07:09] ---
    I'd like to get into a college
    with a strong economics program.
[07:12] ---
    MAKI SHIJO WANTS TO ADVANCE
    TO A UNIVERSITY OUTSIDE THE ACADEMY
[07:13] ---
    For now, I'm not planning
    to apply to any colleges.
[07:16] ---
    NAGISA KASHIWAGI WANTS
    TO CONTINUE IN THE ACADEMY'S UNIVERSITY
[07:17] ---
    My first choice is a premed program
    at a public university.
[07:20] ---
    KASHIWAGI'S BOYFRIEND WANTS TO ADVANCE
    TO A UNIVERSITY OUTSIDE THE ACADEMY
[07:21] ---
    I'd like to switch jobs.
[07:23] ---
    AI HAYASAKA
    WANTS TO SWITCH JOBS
[07:23] ---
    Switch jobs?
[07:27] ---
    I...
[07:31] ---
    only do whatever my parents tell me to.
[07:34] ---
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
    WANTS TO CONTINUE
    IN THE ACADEMY'S UNIVERSITY
[07:36] ---
    No. If you only listen to half of what I say,
    that should be enough.
[07:39] ---
    He's right. Don't pay any attention
    to any opinions of mine.
[07:43] ---
    I'm not talking about you two.
[07:46] ---
    I wonder what President is planning to do.
[07:50] ---
    Forgive me for summoning you.
[07:53] ---
    I heard what you said
    during your conference.
[07:56] ---
    I'd be happy to write you
    a letter of recommendation, Shirogane.
[08:00] ---
    I just wanted to get a final confirmation.
[08:03] ---
    You're really sure this is what you want?
[08:06] ---
    Yes.
[08:08] ---
    I'll be going to Stanford.
[08:09] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WILL BE STUDYING ABROAD
[08:17] ---
    Not everyone follows the same path.
[08:20] ---
    Time goes by in the blink of an eye.
[08:24] ---
    If you have any unfinished business
    here in Japan, now's not the time to hesitate.
[08:30] ---
    I know, Dad.
[08:32] ---
    The countdown to farewell
    has already started.
[08:39] ---
    The final day of the culture festival...
[08:42] ---
    If Shinomiya hasn't confessed
    to me by then...
[08:46] ---
    I'll confess to her.
[08:51] ---
    If I go abroad for college, then just like that,
    I won't be able to see Shinomiya anymore.
[08:56] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS
    TO MAKE HER CONFESS, PART 2
[08:56] ---
    The only time we can really date each other
    is while we're in high school here.
[09:02] ---
    No time for hemming and hawing anymore!
[09:06] ---
    I'm...
[09:08] ---
    going to ask Shinomiya out on a date!
[09:10] ---
    TEA LEAVES
    JUMPING
[09:11] ---
    I've been so afraid to do it until now,
[09:13] ---
    but it's not like asking her out
    equals a confession!
[09:16] ---
    ACCORDING
    TO THE VIRGIN
    MONSTER
[09:16] ---
    Statistically speaking, it's easier
    for people to confess postdate!
[09:19] ---
    If I'm going to make Shinomiya
    confess first,
[09:21] ---
    then all I have to do is create a situation
    for her that's conducive to confessing!
[09:25] ---
    Just play it casual all the way!
[09:26] ---
    Just play it casual when you ask her out!
[09:29] ---
    Come to think of it, holding our culture festival
    in late December is pretty late, don't you think?
[09:33] ---
    You're right. That's quite late.
[09:36] ---
    Kita High's also late.
    Apparently, it's this weekend.
[09:39] ---
    Oh?
[09:41] ---
    From what I hear, Kita High's
    culture festival is really top-notch.
[09:44] ---
    I would hate for Shuchiin to come up short
    in comparison, wouldn't you?
[09:49] ---
    You really are a worrier,
    aren't you, President?
[09:51] ---
    Well, of course I worry.
    I'm the student council president after all.
[09:54] ---
    Go with the flow!
    Ask her out in a casual way!
[09:58] ---
    If you want, maybe we can check out
    the Kita High Culture Festival.
[10:02] ---
    Shirogane is asking
    Kaguya Shinomiya out on a date!
[10:06] ---
    Her answer is...
[10:08] ---
    GRIN
[10:10] ---
    There's no need for you to go
    out of your way like that, President.
[10:14] ---
    I guess you're right.
[10:15] ---
    Of course I'm right.
    You really do worry too—
[10:17] ---
    Huh?
[10:20] ---
    Could it be that I was just
    asked out on a date?
[10:23] ---
    MAYBE WE CAN
    CHECK IT OUT
[10:23] ---
    By "check it out,"
    he meant himself and me, right?
[10:25] ---
    MAYBE WE CAN
    CHECK IT OUT
[10:28] ---
    He was asking me out?
[10:29] ---
    Did he mean just the two of us?
[10:31] ---
    And what did I say to that?
[10:34] ---
    There's no need for you
    to go out of your way like that.
[10:36] ---
    I turned him down!
[10:39] ---
    Ahhh! You really went and did it this time.
[10:45] ---
    President won't be asking you out
    on a date again any time soon.
[10:49] ---
    What was I supposed to do?
    I was going with the flow and playing it casual!
[10:53] ---
    You know he's the type who'd never ask
    anyone out even on a cold day in Hell!
[10:56] ---
    It took my brain an overly long time
    to register that!
[11:00] ---
    Well, I suppose you have a point there.
[11:03] ---
    Who knows?
[11:04] ---
    Perhaps he had a change of heart?
[11:07] ---
    I don't know about that, but...
[11:09] ---
    Anyway, Hayasaka,
[11:10] ---
    find a way to turn back time somehow!
[11:13] ---
    As I'm not a robot cat, that's not feasible.
[11:17] ---
    However, I do have one word of advice.
[11:20] ---
    FOOD STALL
    BUDGET PLAN
[11:20] ---
    President mustered up every ounce
    of his courage to ask you out.
[11:24] ---
    Next time, why don't you
    ask him out yourself?
[11:29] ---
    Me...
[11:30] ---
    That's never going to happen!
    I'd be mortified!
[11:33] ---
    But...
[11:35] ---
    it's the same for President, isn't it?
[11:37] ---
    And I'm the one who crushed his soul.
[11:40] ---
    It'd be unfair of me to just run away!
[11:43] ---
    I'll be fine.
[11:45] ---
    All I have to do is make my mind
    go blank and ask him!
[11:47] ---
    I just have to be like Miss Fujiwara!
[11:49] ---
    You just drew a blank, yo!
[11:50] ---
    BLANK
[11:53] ---
    About touring the Kita High Culture Festival...
[11:55] ---
    I've changed my mind.
[11:58] ---
    While it wouldn't exactly be
    like learning from the past,
[12:00] ---
    I believe we'd do well
    to take a page from their successes
[12:03] ---
    while also learning from their mistakes,
    so that we can avoid them at ours.
[12:07] ---
    So someone representing our academy
    should conduct some reconnaissance after all!
[12:11] ---
    "A purehearted invitation
    devoid of any underlying motives!"
[12:15] ---
    These were Shirogane's thoughts
    upon hearing it.
[12:18] ---
    Does she mean that I should go by myself?
[12:21] ---
    But if Shinomiya was including herself when
    she said someone from the academy...
[12:25] ---
    does that mean she'd be happy
    to come with me?
[12:30] ---
    SWEATY PALMS
[12:33] ---
    Wh-Why has he gone silent?
[12:36] ---
    Was I not being clear enough, perhaps?
[12:39] ---
    But if I were to go any further,
    my heart would burst!
[12:40] ---
    POUND POUND
[12:42] ---
    These modest and restrained invitations are the
    product of mustering every ounce of their courage!
[12:42] ---
    FLUTTER FLUTTER
[12:46] ---
    They've fallen one step short of having
    the courage to say "the two of us together"!
[12:48] ---
    THE TWO
    OF US
[12:48] ---
    TOGETHER
[12:50] ---
    Just one step!
    Just one step away, and...
[12:53] ---
    They become hopelessly deadlocked.
[12:56] ---
    Somebody...
[12:57] ---
    Give us the courage
    to give it one more push!
[12:59] ---
    Hello.
[13:01] ---
    Ishigami!
[13:02] ---
    Say something that'll give me
    the courage to ask Shinomiya out!
[13:05] ---
    Hey, you have to hear this!
[13:07] ---
    I just witnessed the most hilarious thing!
[13:10] ---
    Someone was asking a girl out
    on a culture festival date in the hallway!
[13:14] ---
    ISHIGAMI
[13:14] ---
    Hey! Wanna go to the Kita High
    Culture Festival with me?
[13:17] ---
    GRIN
[13:17] ---
    And then he got shot down with a grin!
[13:18] ---
    HMM... MAYBE I'LL GO
    IF EVERYONE ELSE
    IS GOING, TOO...
[13:21] ---
    COURAGE
[13:21] ---
    COURAGE
[13:21] ---
    The look on his face
    when she turned him down!
[13:23] ---
    I wish I'd taken a picture to show you!
[13:26] ---
    Kaguya and Shirogane's courage
    just dropped three points.
[13:29] ---
    Ishigami's a bust!
[13:30] ---
    If his negativity infects me,
    I'll never be able to ask her out!
[13:33] ---
    I need someone more serious-minded
    to come and say something!
[13:35] ---
    You have to hear this!
[13:37] ---
    I just saw the most heinous thing!
[13:40] ---
    A boy was asking a girl out
    on a culture festival date on campus.
[13:42] ---
    IINO
[13:43] ---
    Propositioning a member of the opposite sex
    in public! Is that unbelievable or what?
[13:47] ---
    COURAGE
[13:48] ---
    Needless to say, I cracked down on him
    like nobody's business!
[13:50] ---
    - Oh...
    - Oh...
[13:51] ---
    Kaguya and Shirogane's courage
    just sank another five points.
[13:53] ---
    Iino's no good!
[13:55] ---
    It's the ones who look serious
    that turn out to be the nastiest!
[13:57] ---
    I need someone who looks nonserious
    and who's positive! Get in here!
[14:00] ---
    Hello!
[14:01] ---
    Fujiwara, you love culture festivals, right?
[14:03] ---
    Huh? Where did that come from?
[14:04] ---
    Though I do like them.
[14:06] ---
    We were discussing who should go
    check out the Kita High Culture Festival!
[14:08] ---
    OH
[14:08] ---
    Oh! I went last year, too!
[14:11] ---
    Did you have fun?
[14:12] ---
    Yes! It was really fun!
[14:15] ---
    That's the spirit, Secretary Fujiwara!
[14:15] ---
    COURAGE
[14:17] ---
    Shirogane's courage just shot up six points!
[14:19] ---
    But maybe because the festival atmosphere
    had gone to their heads,
[14:22] ---
    so many boys kept hitting on me.
[14:24] ---
    How deplorable!
[14:25] ---
    Since you're so pretty, Kaguya,
    you really should stay away!
[14:29] ---
    COURAGE
[14:29] ---
    Shirogane's courage
    just plunged ten points!
[14:32] ---
    You'd better not go, either, Iino.
[14:32] ---
    It's hopeless. There's no way
    I can ask Shinomiya out now.
[14:33] ---
    Why not?
[14:34] ---
    Because I can only see
    a grim future for you.
[14:35] ---
    It's all over.
[14:36] ---
    Please! How would you know?
[14:38] ---
    But...
[14:39] ---
    if I were accompanied by a male,
    then no one would hit on me, right?
[14:44] ---
    Shinomiya...
[14:46] ---
    Sh-She's right!
[14:48] ---
    That only happens
    when a girl goes alone!
[14:51] ---
    Going alone just isn't advisable!
[14:53] ---
    He's right, isn't he?
[14:54] ---
    This is precisely when a girl
    can depend on a boy!
[14:57] ---
    Not only that, but two people could get
    a wider range of research done than one!
[15:01] ---
    - If that's the case...
    - If that's the case...
[15:02] ---
    If that's the case, President,
    then why don't you go with Ishigami?
[15:06] ---
    I'd be up for that. I'd feel
    more comfortable going with another guy.
[15:09] ---
    And I wanted to go check out
    that festival anyway!
[15:13] ---
    Sure, why not?
[15:15] ---
    I suppose that's a good idea.
[15:16] ---
    - Mind at ease!
    - Mind at ease!
[15:16] ---
    COURAGE
[15:18] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:19] ---
    Both lose.
[15:22] ---
    Shirogane and Kaguya's courage
    just nose-dived to zero.
[15:25] ---
    And so, they went...
[15:26] ---
    That cotton candy of yours is huge!
[15:28] ---
    Only 50 yen for this!
[15:29] ---
    ...and had a good time.
[15:35] ---
    You can play the guitar, Fujiwara?
[15:38] ---
    Just enough to dabble, really.
[15:38] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS
    TO MAKE HER
    CONFESS,
    PART 3
[15:40] ---
    So, are you going to perform
    at the culture festival?
[15:42] ---
    Oh no, I'm not performing.
[15:45] ---
    I have a friend who's only ever
    composed by writing the notes on a grand staff,
[15:48] ---
    so I'm converting it all
    to guitar tabs, that's all.
[15:51] ---
    Oh?
[15:52] ---
    Not sure what that means, but that's cool!
[15:54] ---
    All guys dream of shredding it up onstage
    at the culture festival.
[15:59] ---
    President...
[16:00] ---
    Please forget about that dream
    right this second.
[16:02] ---
    Cruel.
[16:04] ---
    Say what you will,
    but you're more inept than you think!
[16:08] ---
    Isn't "inept" going a little too far? Sure, there are
    tons of things I struggle with a little, but...
[16:13] ---
    A little?
[16:14] ---
    You're always saying that you're struggling
    a little and that you're a little subpar,
[16:18] ---
    but when has it
    ever really been just a little?
[16:21] ---
    President, you need to look at yourself
    a little more objectively!
[16:26] ---
    Look at myself objectively, huh?
[16:30] ---
    Is it possible that Shinomiya refuses to confess
    to me first because I have no masculine appeal?
[16:36] ---
    If there's even a hint of such a possibility,
[16:38] ---
    I've got to find out!
[16:39] ---
    Hello!
[16:40] ---
    Is it just you, Iino?
[16:41] ---
    Uh, well, yes.
[16:44] ---
    Um, what is it?
[16:47] ---
    Iino...
[16:51] ---
    I have something important
    that I want to talk to you about.
[16:54] ---
    I want you to give me
    a serious answer.
[16:57] ---
    What do you think of me as a man?
[17:00] ---
    Could you ever see me
    as a love interest?
[17:05] ---
    President confessed his love to me...
[17:06] ---
    Huh?
[17:08] ---
    U-U-Um...
[17:09] ---
    Please give me some time
    to think this over!
[17:12] ---
    Sure. Answer me once you've given it
    some serious thought.
[17:15] ---
    Objectively, it could only
    be interpreted as a confession!
[17:20] ---
    Huh? Is something going on
    with you two?
[17:22] ---
    Yeah, I'd like to ask you, too, Fujiwara.
[17:25] ---
    What do you think of me as a man?
[17:29] ---
    President is a man whore
[17:30] ---
    Oh, snap. Now she's back
    at square one.
[17:33] ---
    Is this some kind of game?
[17:36] ---
    Well, yeah, it's something like a game.
[17:38] ---
    Take a shot at considering
    whether or not you could go out with me.
[17:46] ---
    I'd rather die!
[17:47] ---
    Me, too! I'd respectfully decline!
[17:49] ---
    HIS EGO IS AS FRAGILE
    AS A BLOCK OF TOFU
[17:51] ---
    Would you mind...
[17:52] ---
    telling me why?
[17:54] ---
    I'd like to hear your objective opinions.
[17:56] ---
    Oh, I see where you're going with this!
[17:58] ---
    This is what we were talking
    about before, right?
[18:00] ---
    What you were talking about before?
[18:02] ---
    I told President that he wasn't
    looking at himself objectively.
[18:06] ---
    That's why he's suddenly itching
    to know what others think of him.
[18:09] ---
    O-Oh!
[18:11] ---
    Then, in my opinion, President Shirogane,
    you're failing to view yourself objectively 100%!
[18:16] ---
    How could you pose that question in such a way?
[18:19] ---
    It was just a straightforward likability poll.
[18:21] ---
    Nothing more.
[18:22] ---
    The reason why I can't see you
    as a love interest, President, is...
[18:26] ---
    How should I put it?
[18:27] ---
    WAAAH
[18:28] ---
    It's because I feel
    like I'm disciplining a problem child.
[18:31] ---
    At first, I did actually
    have some respect for you.
[18:35] ---
    GRIN
[18:35] ---
    Like food that tastes more bitter
    the more you chew it!
[18:38] ---
    GRIN
[18:38] ---
    The kind that I'd never ever choose
    for my last meal on earth!
[18:41] ---
    Fujiwara! I think that's enough!
[18:42] ---
    GRIN
[18:47] ---
    As for me, it's not as if I dislike you,
    President Shirogane.
[18:50] ---
    As a matter of fact, I feel
    both respect and gratitude toward you.
[18:53] ---
    I now know that during my election speech,
    you came to my rescue even though I was your enemy.
[19:00] ---
    It's just that...
[19:02] ---
    It's just that?
[19:07] ---
    It seems that looks-wise,
    you're totally not her type.
[19:09] ---
    Fujiwara! Why did you
    have to tell him that?
[19:12] ---
    Totally not your type?
[19:13] ---
    President, please
    don't let it get you down!
[19:16] ---
    All right, then,
    what is your type of guy, Iino?
[19:19] ---
    Anyone as long as he's hot?
[19:21] ---
    Don't make me sound
    like a sucker for pretty boys!
[19:24] ---
    Of course I value
    a boy's personality above all!
[19:27] ---
    Someone who's always
    watching over me.
[19:30] ---
    Who always understands how I feel.
[19:32] ---
    Who always comes to my rescue
    with a flourish when I'm in distress.
[19:36] ---
    Like a prince!
[19:39] ---
    I will always be there for you and you alone.
[19:43] ---
    Oh, Miko...
[19:45] ---
    Miko!
[19:48] ---
    No such guy exists! That's a million times worse
    than choosing a guy for his looks!
[19:51] ---
    He does exist.
[19:52] ---
    He absolutely exists
    somewhere in this world.
[19:55] ---
    Miko, it's all well and good to dream,
[19:58] ---
    but you're the one
    who's going to end up getting hurt.
[20:00] ---
    But he does exist! He does too exist!
[20:00] ---
    What about you, Fujiwara?
    What's your type of guy?
[20:03] ---
    I don't think that the person I fall for
    needs to be perfect.
[20:08] ---
    Someone who, when faced
    with something beyond his abilities,
[20:10] ---
    keeps on rising to the challenge
    in a single-minded, unbecoming way.
[20:13] ---
    Someone who's a real fighter!
[20:16] ---
    Huh?
[20:17] ---
    Wait!
[20:18] ---
    Um, that's not what I meant!
[20:19] ---
    Shirogane did not think for a second
    that he himself was unbecoming.
[20:19] ---
    UNBECOMING
    PERSON?
[20:20] ---
    You know what I mean!
[20:21] ---
    Hard workers are
    so attractive, right?
[20:24] ---
    Whoa.
[20:25] ---
    Normally, someone like you
    would be my type, then.
[20:28] ---
    What a horrible thing to realize.
[20:30] ---
    What a horrible thing to realize.
[20:32] ---
    What a horrible thing to realize.
[20:36] ---
    So, from a woman's point of view,
    am I just a worthless human being?
[20:40] ---
    How could someone like me
    ever have a relationship with Shinomiya?
[20:46] ---
    Oh my.
[20:47] ---
    DESPAIR
[20:47] ---
    What on earth is going on here?
[20:49] ---
    President wanted us to trash-talk him...
[20:52] ---
    so we're holding an event
    to legally insult him!
[20:56] ---
    I never said to hold
    an ultra-masochistic event like that!
[20:59] ---
    There you go again, Miss Fujiwara,
    starting up something bizarre.
[21:02] ---
    I-It wasn't my idea to do this!
[21:05] ---
    You should join us in telling President
    what it is he should change about himself!
[21:09] ---
    No holds barred!
[21:10] ---
    What President should change about himself?
[21:17] ---
    But I don't want him to change.
[21:21] ---
    I think that President is fine as he is.
[21:26] ---
    No, I'm sure that's not true.
[21:28] ---
    I still have a long way to go.
[21:30] ---
    I can't count how many areas
    in which I need to improve.
[21:34] ---
    I'm a man in the making!
[21:34] ---
    ENERGIZED
[21:35] ---
    Shirogane has regained his confidence.
[21:38] ---
    Come on, Kaguya!
[21:40] ---
    No fair being the only one to play nice!
[21:42] ---
    As far as President goes,
    there's no hiding his faults!
[21:45] ---
    Fujiwara...
[21:47] ---
    Please look at yourself objectively.
[21:50] ---
    At yourself reveling
    in hurling insults at someone.
[21:54] ---
    I really find that questionable.
[21:56] ---
    Who are you to talk, Ishigami?
[21:58] ---
    You, too, Iino.
    You shouldn't speak ill of others.
[22:01] ---
    But all I did was voice the opinion
    of all women everywhere.
[22:05] ---
    You guys...
[22:07] ---
    I have to say...
[22:09] ---
    you should all look at yourselves
    a little more objectively.
[22:12] ---
    You're telling us?
[22:13] ---
    That's right.
[22:14] ---
    No one can look at themselves objectively.
[22:18] ---
    That's what being human is all about.
[22:21] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:23] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[22:24] ---
    President is a man whore
[22:24] ---
    President confessed his love to me...
[22:25] ---
    That prince does exist, right...??
[22:28] ---
    I hope he does.

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E7 - Miko Iino Can't Love, Part 1

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:50] ---
    Huh? Me and Iino,
    help the Culture Festival Committee?
[01:54] ---
    Yeah.
[01:56] ---
    Hoshin Festival!
[01:59] ---
    Shuchiin's culture festival is held
    every year before winter break.
[02:02] ---
    12/19 10 AM - 6 PM
    12/20 10 AM - 8 PM
[02:03] ---
    HOSHIN FESTIVAL
[02:03] ---
    This year, thanks to Shirogane's efforts,
    they've garnered two days of festivities!
[02:07] ---
    What does the Culture Festival
    Committee do exactly?
[02:10] ---
    Proposal inspections, Public Relations, decorations,
    ceremony planning, venue assignment,
[02:10] ---
    MIKO IINO CAN'T LOVE, PART 1
[02:15] ---
    equipment management,
    security-related odd jobs...
[02:18] ---
    The list goes on and on.
[02:20] ---
    I don't know.
    That sounds like a ton of work.
[02:22] ---
    If you don't want to do it, fine.
[02:24] ---
    However, the head of
    the Culture Festival Committee is Koyasu.
[02:28] ---
    Count me in!
[02:29] ---
    All right, everybody!
[02:30] ---
    FESTIVAL
[02:31] ---
    Let's dial it up!
[02:38] ---
    Why are they all so fired up?
    I really can't take this.
[02:41] ---
    Hey, Ishigami,
    can't you tell them to cool it—
[02:45] ---
    ROAR
[02:49] ---
    Ishigami has been through this before.
[02:51] ---
    CULTURE FESTIVAL COMMITTEE
    REGULAR MEETING!
[02:51] ---
    All right! Let's get this
    culture festival meeting started!
[02:55] ---
    First off, does anyone have
    any suggestions for our slogan?
[02:57] ---
    COMMITTEE CHAIR
    TSUBAME KOYASU
[02:59] ---
    Yes, over here.
[03:00] ---
    CLASS 1-B
    REPRESENTATIVE
    REI ONODERA
[03:00] ---
    Great! Onodera...
[03:04] ---
    Since the goal is...
[03:06] ---
    to let everyone know
    just how awesome Shuchiin is...
[03:09] ---
    IN THE BLOOM
    OF YOUTH!
    OUR POWERS
    ARE MAD DOPE!!
    SHUCHIIN WILL
    BLOW YOU AWAY!
[03:09] ---
    SLOGAN PROPOSAL 1
[03:10] ---
    What do you think?
[03:11] ---
    M-Mad dope?
[03:13] ---
    Nice! Very positive!
[03:14] ---
    Yee-crazy-haa!
[03:15] ---
    Huh?
[03:17] ---
    They're just going
    by feeling and excitement!
[03:18] ---
    Just a second, Chair Koyasu!
[03:20] ---
    PUBLIC RELATIONS TEAM
    TEPPEI TANAKA
[03:20] ---
    A slogan that only echoes the current trends
    is inappropriate for Shuchiin.
[03:25] ---
    Thank goodness. Some people here,
    at least, are clearheaded.
[03:29] ---
    I believe that something
    more highly academic would suit us.
[03:32] ---
    I woke up LOL For real!? It makes
    no sense at all but it's totally amazing LOL
    Why don't we party like there's
    no tomorrow at the Shuchiin Festival?
    This! A million times this!
    Never have I ever been a popular otaku.
    Gonna catch some z's now. Good night!
[03:32] ---
    SLOGAN PROPOSAL 2
[03:33] ---
    I used Kyoto University's slogan as a reference.
[03:35] ---
    That's what Kyoto University's slogan is like?
[03:37] ---
    Yes, it is.
[03:39] ---
    I'm not really sure what it means, but nice!
[03:41] ---
    Crazy-haa!
[03:43] ---
    E-Everyone!
[03:44] ---
    This is no time to be fooling around, is it?
[03:47] ---
    Let's get serious about this!
[03:49] ---
    But we are being serious.
[03:51] ---
    Why are you like that, Iino?
[03:53] ---
    If all you do is reject values
    that don't mesh with your own,
[03:56] ---
    you'll never get anywhere, right?
[03:58] ---
    B-But we should be serious
    about things like this.
[04:02] ---
    Then tell us what kind of slogan
    you have in mind.
[04:07] ---
    U-Um...
[04:10] ---
    W-Well...
[04:12] ---
    Excuse me.
[04:14] ---
    I agree that there's no need for us
    to go for laughs or to try to grab attention.
[04:19] ---
    Let's just express what kind
    of culture festival we want to have!
[04:24] ---
    No worries! Settle down!
[04:26] ---
    Right.
[04:31] ---
    For now...
[04:32] ---
    let's put the slogan on ice.
[04:34] ---
    Some students have questions,
    so let's answer them.
[04:38] ---
    "We'd like to charge more for our goods."
[04:40] ---
    "Please eliminate the minimum
    purchase price requirement."
[04:43] ---
    I wonder what the problem is.
[04:45] ---
    Koyasu!
[04:46] ---
    Allow me to answer that!
[04:48] ---
    ACCOUNTING
    MASARU KOBAYASHI
[04:48] ---
    Temporary business permits
    are unnecessary
[04:50] ---
    only in the case of nonprofit activities
    that promote community interaction.
[04:54] ---
    In other words, we cannot set up stalls
    for the purpose of making a profit.
[04:58] ---
    Impressive, Kobayashi!
[05:00] ---
    So we can't raise our prices.
[05:03] ---
    May I add to that?
[05:05] ---
    There are plenty of loopholes.
[05:07] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL TREASURER
    YU ISHIGAMI
[05:07] ---
    If we record them as donations or expenses,
    it won't matter in the end how much we profit.
[05:13] ---
    I think if we can learn now just how hard
    price setting is, it'd be worth our while.
[05:17] ---
    I guess so. Why don't we discuss prices
    after consulting the teachers?
[05:23] ---
    Huh!
[05:24] ---
    Next. "Why can't we have a crepe stall?"
[05:26] ---
    Tsubame!
[05:28] ---
    SAFETY MANAGEMENT
    DAIKI SATO
[05:28] ---
    SAFETY MANAGEMENT
    DAIKI SATO
[05:29] ---
    Allow me to answer that.
[05:31] ---
    Okay.
[05:32] ---
    As per the health center guidelines,
[05:33] ---
    we can only use ingredients
    that have been heated right before serving.
[05:37] ---
    That means no rice, raw fish, nor any canned fruit
    or whipped cream for the crepes.
[05:41] ---
    Impressive, Sato!
[05:43] ---
    Well...
[05:44] ---
    May I add to that?
[05:46] ---
    There are many examples of frozen whipped cream
    made with 100% vegetable oil having been used.
[05:52] ---
    If we substitute the fruit with jam,
    it shouldn't be a problem.
[05:54] ---
    Really?
[05:56] ---
    That's actually about our class!
[05:58] ---
    Hey, will you answer our question, too?
[05:59] ---
    You're awesome, Ishigami!
[06:01] ---
    At first glance, the meeting
    seemed to be proceeding smoothly.
[06:03] ---
    But behind the scenes...
[06:06] ---
    Dammit! Who does he think he is?
[06:08] ---
    Taking away our chance...
[06:09] ---
    ...to look good in front of Tsubame!
[06:11] ---
    Laser Death Beam!
[06:16] ---
    Hey, Glasses...
[06:17] ---
    It's so obvious you're trying
    to show Tsubame how cool you are.
[06:24] ---
    I'm so gonna crush you!
[06:26] ---
    A low-level one-upmanship contest
    among these boys then ensued!
[06:33] ---
    Parading the knowledge you crammed overnight
    with those smug faces... Shame on you!
[06:37] ---
    HOW TO HANDLE WHIPPED CREAM!
    WHAT ABOUT CHOCOLATE SAUCE OR JAM?
    WHERE TO GET DRY ICE?
[06:38] ---
    Let's see. Here's the last question.
[06:41] ---
    "I'd like to have a campfire."
[06:44] ---
    Let's absolutely do that!
[06:49] ---
    I think that's actually going to be difficult.
[06:52] ---
    Fire control and safety issues.
[06:54] ---
    And you yourself mentioned this
    in your election speech, Iino.
[06:58] ---
    That the neighborhood association
    would no longer permit it.
[07:01] ---
    But...
[07:02] ---
    i-if we all make an effort—
[07:04] ---
    Listen.
[07:05] ---
    You can go ahead and spout your ideals,
    but the fact is, we're understaffed.
[07:10] ---
    So who's going to handle it?
[07:12] ---
    She's right.
[07:14] ---
    It's not enough to just want to do it.
[07:20] ---
    So that thing of yours...
    You're still not cured?
[07:23] ---
    Want me to help you out?
[07:26] ---
    I don't need you!
[07:28] ---
    Listen to me!
[07:30] ---
    It's true that the regulations are strict!
    And the neighborhood association is reluctant!
[07:33] ---
    Why is that?
[07:34] ---
    Because the grown-ups don't trust us!
[07:38] ---
    All right, so what do we have to do
    in order to win their trust?
[07:41] ---
    Have discipline!
[07:42] ---
    The Disciplinary Committee's job
    is to seize trust from the grown-ups!
[07:46] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL FINANCIAL AUDITOR
    DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE MEMBER
[07:46] ---
    MIKO IINO
[07:49] ---
    So? What happened?
[07:51] ---
    There was a lot of drama.
[07:53] ---
    Iino said she'd handle it, and went off to negotiate
    with the neighborhood association directly.
[07:57] ---
    THE DOCUMENTARY
    "CULTURE FESTIVAL COMMITTEE"
[08:00] ---
    Well, I guess all those years
    on the Disciplinary Committee didn't go to waste.
[08:02] ---
    WHO CARES ABOUT THE
    NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION?!!
[08:04] ---
    Let's see how tough
    that neighborhood association is!
[08:05] ---
    A PHANTOM!?
    "THAT LITTLE GIRL"
    WHO'S CLEANING UP THE TOWN
[08:06] ---
    I hear that the wife of the head of the association
    was always impressed by Iino's work.
[08:10] ---
    THE IDOL OF ALL
    GRANDPAS AND GRANDMAS
    EVERYONE'S GRANDDAUGHTER
[08:11] ---
    And that really started the ball rolling.
[08:13] ---
    She got them to apply to the fire department
    for an emergency drill...
[08:17] ---
    and she's notifying
    the neighborhood as we speak.
[08:20] ---
    Okay.
[08:21] ---
    And here's the principal's stamp of approval.
[08:23] ---
    TAKASHI YAMAUCHI
[08:23] ---
    Would you look at that!
[08:25] ---
    Where there's a will,
    there's a way, huh?
[08:27] ---
    Well, the thing about her...
[08:28] ---
    is that she's got one heck of a will.
[08:32] ---
    We promise not to cause you
    any inconvenience!
[08:35] ---
    - Please!
    - Please!
[08:38] ---
    We ask for your understanding
    and patience!
[08:40] ---
    Please bear with us!
[08:45] ---
    How many more to go?
[08:46] ---
    32 including the apartment buildings.
[08:49] ---
    Whoa, what a slog!
[08:52] ---
    Onodera...
[08:54] ---
    Why are you helping me?
[08:56] ---
    Huh? Why wouldn't I help you?
[08:59] ---
    I mean, I totally wanna have a campfire, too!
[09:04] ---
    Doesn't it really get you pumped
    just thinking about it?
[09:08] ---
    Yeah.
[09:12] ---
    WHAT A GREAT
    SLOGAN!!
[09:12] ---
    "LET YOUR BURNING
    LOVE REACH EVERYONE!"
    HOSHIN FESTIVAL!!
[09:12] ---
    APPROVED!
[09:13] ---
    Totally pumped.
[09:14] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:16] ---
    Iino wins.
[09:19] ---
    Huh...
[09:20] ---
    This handwriting looks familiar.
[09:21] ---
    I'D LIKE TO HAVE
    A CAMPFIRE
[09:23] ---
    LET YOUR BURNING LOVE
    REACH EVERYONE!
[09:24] ---
    STUDENTS WISH TO DISCUSS
    THE CULTURE FESTIVAL
[09:28] ---
    With the culture festival
    around the corner,
[09:29] ---
    Shuchiin's sure humming
    with activity!
[09:30] ---
    NATURAL SCIENCE ISSUES
[09:32] ---
    SOCCER
    KICK
[09:33] ---
    I think the time has come...
[09:35] ---
    for us to kick it into high gear!
[09:38] ---
    MASS MEDIA CLUB
    ERIKA KOSE
[09:39] ---
    Yes!
[09:41] ---
    This is the Mass Media Club's big moment!
[09:42] ---
    MASS MEDIA CLUB
    KAREN KINO
[09:46] ---
    An interview?
[09:46] ---
    ARCHERY TEAM
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[09:48] ---
    Yes, please!
[09:49] ---
    It's Kaguya in the flesh!
[09:51] ---
    How gorgeous!
[09:53] ---
    These two are Kaguya-worshippers.
[09:55] ---
    But...
[09:56] ---
    I'm just a phantom member now.
    This is really quite perplexing.
[10:01] ---
    Oh, it's Perplexed Kaguya in the flesh!
[10:03] ---
    That's first-pressed
    perplexity that she gave us!
[10:06] ---
    And as worshippers,
    they are a bit on the quirky side!
[10:10] ---
    Oh, but we hear that you've been chosen
    as the archer to light the campfire.
[10:15] ---
    If you could please tell us
    how you feel about that.
[10:17] ---
    Word certainly travels fast, doesn't it?
[10:19] ---
    In that case, I don't mind,
[10:21] ---
    but no photos, please.
[10:23] ---
    Understood!
[10:24] ---
    Damn!
[10:25] ---
    All right, let's begin.
[10:27] ---
    Kaguya, you're known to excel at the
    traditional arts, performance and martial arts,
[10:31] ---
    and you're a 3rd dan in archery.
[10:33] ---
    In middle school, you won the national
    championship individual competition!
[10:36] ---
    NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
    WINNER
[10:37] ---
    A-A-A-A prodigy!
[10:40] ---
    Kaguya, you're the Number 1 girl
    in all of Japan!
[10:43] ---
    Is something the matter?
[10:45] ---
    And I'm just a girl
    who was born a mere insect!
[10:45] ---
    Please ignore her!
    It's a preexisting condition!
[10:48] ---
    Despite all your sparkling achievements, Kaguya...
[10:52] ---
    you haven't entered a single tournament
    since starting high school, have you?
[10:58] ---
    There are reasons for that.
[11:02] ---
    Oh, those sorrowful eyes!
[11:06] ---
    Very well.
[11:07] ---
    What's going on?
[11:09] ---
    The overwhelming loneliness
    of being a prodigy!
[11:12] ---
    If it wasn't for you!
[11:15] ---
    Yes.
[11:16] ---
    In the face of such overwhelming talent,
    we commoners can only grovel!
[11:23] ---
    If this will make it better for you all...
[11:25] ---
    THE WORLD OF ARCHERY
[11:27] ---
    Kaguya forgave all those foolish mortals
    and departed the world of archery with a smile.
[11:31] ---
    By that, do you mean
    that Kaguya is an angel?
[11:34] ---
    No, wait! Perhaps she is!
[11:36] ---
    Um, I really wouldn't say that.
[11:39] ---
    The National High School Archery Championship
    will be held from December 24th to 26th.
[11:44] ---
    Right during Christmas!
[11:47] ---
    In other words, when she might be going
    on a date with Miyuki Shirogane!
[11:51] ---
    But why are you so talented at archery?
[11:55] ---
    I don't know if you'd call it a talent.
[11:58] ---
    I just happened to make the ideal shot
    during my first year of middle school,
[12:02] ---
    and ever since then...
[12:06] ---
    I've been firing the same way. That's all.
[12:11] ---
    Hitting the target is merely the result.
[12:15] ---
    Oh!
[12:16] ---
    What's wrong?
[12:18] ---
    What? An interview
    ahead of the culture festival?
[12:29] ---
    Sure! Why not?
    Feel free to watch us!
[12:30] ---
    GOOD
[12:31] ---
    RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS TEAM
    TSUBAME KOYASU
[12:32] ---
    Tsubame's awesome, too, huh?
[12:35] ---
    Yes!
[12:36] ---
    She sure is!
[12:38] ---
    So...
[12:39] ---
    what should I do for this interview?
[12:41] ---
    Oh, um...
[12:43] ---
    Tsubame, you're also the head
    of the Culture Festival Committee,
[12:47] ---
    so between your own class
    and the rhythmic gymnastics team,
[12:50] ---
    don't you have your hands full?
[12:52] ---
    I have my hands full, but who doesn't want
    to try everything they can?
[12:54] ---
    If it looks like fun,
    you have to give it a try or you'll regret it!
[12:58] ---
    One, two, three!
[12:58] ---
    That goes for this year's projects, too.
[13:00] ---
    One, two, three! One...
[13:00] ---
    I gave them a try
    because they looked like fun!
[13:03] ---
    Not to mention, this will be
    the third-years' last project.
[13:07] ---
    We're going to have a blast!
[13:09] ---
    You're doing a show that blends
    rhythmic gymnastics and theater, right?
[13:13] ---
    What kind of story will you be telling?
[13:16] ---
    Our play is about the Hoshin Legend.
[13:18] ---
    It's Hoshin Festival's origin story.
[13:22] ---
    A love story about someone
    who gave his heart to his beloved.
[13:29] ---
    Interview me?
[13:30] ---
    Not interested.
[13:31] ---
    ASTRONOMY CLUB
    MOMO RYUJU
[13:33] ---
    We haven't decided
    what we're going to do yet,
[13:35] ---
    and even thinking about it is a drag.
[13:37] ---
    Why are we interviewing Ryuju, too?
[13:40] ---
    Because she's the daughter
    of the Ryuju-gumi boss!
[13:42] ---
    I thought it'd be newsworthy—
[13:43] ---
    Hey, I can hear you!
[13:45] ---
    And I'm beyond insulted by you already.
[13:47] ---
    Whether my parents are yakuza or not,
    there's no way I would ever kill anyone.
[13:51] ---
    You're so dead!
[13:53] ---
    - Which is it gonna be?
    - Which is it gonna be?
[13:55] ---
    That guy talks way more than I do,
    so take a hike.
[13:59] ---
    Th-That's...
[14:01] ---
    Is that you,
    Student Council President Shirogane?
[14:04] ---
    Oh!
[14:05] ---
    He's so noble that I've sustained damage
    to my semicircular canals!
[14:09] ---
    I guess there's no way around it.
[14:11] ---
    President Shirogane, what exactly is this?
[14:14] ---
    Right.
[14:15] ---
    It's a prank traditionally
    played by the student council.
[14:18] ---
    Several decades ago, the student council
    installed a giant ball on the roof.
[14:23] ---
    Since then, we've always used guerilla tactics
    to place a papier-mâché gemstone-like ball there.
[14:27] ---
    Really?
[14:28] ---
    It's so huge!
    Did you make it by yourself?
[14:30] ---
    Yeah.
[14:31] ---
    I used to make tons of these
    for my side job, so I'm used to it.
[14:34] ---
    He just mentioned a side job.
[14:37] ---
    They say that the samurai created
    folk art as their side job.
[14:40] ---
    REUSABLE
    SHIPPING BOX
[14:40] ---
    Which makes President Shirogane
    the Last Samurai!
[14:44] ---
    This is what they mean
    by "honorable poverty"!
[14:45] ---
    We're looking forward
    to seeing the finished product!
[14:47] ---
    Finally, can you give us your thoughts
    on the upcoming culture festival?
[14:52] ---
    Let's see.
[14:54] ---
    I'm going to get it done like a man
    at the culture festival.
[14:57] ---
    I guess.
[14:58] ---
    Like a man?
[15:03] ---
    We should've seen it then.
[15:05] ---
    President's resolve,
    buried in these words of his.
[15:08] ---
    Little did we know
    that this would trigger that legend,
[15:10] ---
    the major incident
    involving the entire culture festival!
[15:15] ---
    A chain of betrayals.
[15:16] ---
    As everyone loses sight of love,
[15:18] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya has
    a gentle smile on her face.
[15:21] ---
    To be continued...
[15:22] ---
    in the next episode,
    "The Dark Legend of Shuchiin."
[15:25] ---
    Would you mind not adding
    that narration track?
[15:28] ---
    Our last task is to get
    those problem kids interviewed.
[15:32] ---
    And what is that?
[15:33] ---
    It's a K6-3 helmet!
[15:34] ---
    Also known as a spetsnaz helmet.
[15:37] ---
    It can withstand a headshot of Kar98k!
[15:40] ---
    Excuse me.
[15:42] ---
    What is the Board Game Club planning to do?
[15:48] ---
    CARD-PLAYING
    CHEATING GOODS
[15:49] ---
    A game involving the entire school.
[15:52] ---
    Which will be...
[15:54] ---
    a fight to the death
    until only one of us is left standing!
[15:57] ---
    A battle royal!
[16:04] ---
    REJECTED
[16:05] ---
    The Board Game Club's project
    didn't make it through.
[16:12] ---
    Okay!
[16:14] ---
    That's one teddy bear completed!
[16:16] ---
    You're so talented, Fujiwara!
[16:19] ---
    So cute!
[16:19] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO BLOW IT UP
[16:21] ---
    I love it! Make me one, too!
[16:33] ---
    He's been popping them all.
[16:35] ---
    You're good at that, Fujiwara.
    Why don't you show him how?
[16:39] ---
    - Please don't go there.
    - What?
[16:41] ---
    Please don't go there!
[16:42] ---
    Huh?
[16:43] ---
    You have no idea what it's like to teach President
    how to do something, Kashiwagi!
[16:49] ---
    If you're only going to be involved superficially,
    please just don't go there!
[16:52] ---
    What's the problem with him exactly?
[16:55] ---
    That...
[16:56] ---
    I can't tell you.
[17:00] ---
    It's not going to work.
[17:01] ---
    Even if you appeal to my protective
    instincts with that look on your face,
[17:04] ---
    I'm still not going to teach you!
[17:05] ---
    Hey, Shirogane!
[17:07] ---
    What do you think of my harem?
[17:08] ---
    Yay! I'm a dual wielder!
[17:10] ---
    Huh? Wait, Shirogane,
    you still haven't even made one?
[17:14] ---
    I just can't seem to get it right.
[17:16] ---
    Wow!
[17:17] ---
    Talk about a hot mess.
[17:19] ---
    Just try not to pop them all, okay?
[17:23] ---
    All right! Let's try
    something even harder next!
[17:26] ---
    Something we'll need at least three for!
[17:30] ---
    President, please don't feel bad.
[17:33] ---
    You can pop all the balloons you want.
[17:36] ---
    But...
[17:37] ---
    there's also work that anyone can do,
    like making the eyeball stickers.
[17:41] ---
    That might be a better fit
    for you, don't you think?
[17:45] ---
    Is that right?
[17:48] ---
    Okay, I smoothed things over!
[17:50] ---
    Kashiwagi...
[17:53] ---
    Why would you say something
    that could destroy a child's potential?
[17:56] ---
    Huh?
[17:57] ---
    Right now, President's hitting a brick wall!
[18:00] ---
    The first thing to do is to believe in him!
[18:01] ---
    Pointing him in another direction
    can come later!
[18:04] ---
    If we do it your way, he'll only grow up
    to take the path of least resistance!
[18:08] ---
    Then, why don't you teach him, Fujiwara?
[18:11] ---
    Not like I know anything
    about raising children.
[18:14] ---
    Says the girl who does things
    that could produce children.
[18:16] ---
    Did you say something just now?
[18:18] ---
    Oh, come on!
[18:20] ---
    I said I wouldn't help him out!
[18:23] ---
    Don't worry, Fujiwara.
[18:25] ---
    I've been through this kind of thing
    more times than I can count.
[18:29] ---
    And I've figured it out
    on my own every time.
[18:32] ---
    I'm going to get through this one
    by myself, too.
[18:40] ---
    IMPATIENT
    IMPATIENT
[18:40] ---
    DEMON
[18:48] ---
    Shinomiya?
[18:50] ---
    You're doing a cosplay café, right?
[18:52] ---
    Yes.
[18:53] ---
    I happen to be skilled with the needle.
[18:55] ---
    Really?
[18:56] ---
    I'm no good at sewing.
[18:58] ---
    Whenever I try to sew on a button,
    my shirt gets all bloody.
[19:03] ---
    Unusual for you to joke about it, President.
[19:06] ---
    What about you? Balloons, was it?
[19:08] ---
    Yeah. I kind of stink at it.
[19:11] ---
    I thought I'd do it here since I keep popping
    them and getting on everyone's nerves.
[19:15] ---
    Well, that's fine with me.
[19:19] ---
    If you don't mind, Shinomiya...
[19:23] ---
    Let me warn you.
    I really do pop them just like that.
[19:26] ---
    Tell me if it annoys you.
[19:28] ---
    Fine.
[19:33] ---
    BAM BAM
[19:35] ---
    One form of torture...
[19:37] ---
    consists of repeatedly subjecting one
    to strong stimuli at regular intervals.
[19:41] ---
    For Kaguya, who is hypersensitive,
    this is much like torture. In fact...
[19:45] ---
    it actually is torture.
[19:47] ---
    I'm finally alone with President!
    When I look at it in that light, this is nothing!
[20:01] ---
    Dammit!
[20:02] ---
    Not again!
[20:05] ---
    Sorry. This is pathetic, isn't it?
[20:09] ---
    Seriously, why is it that I can't even
    manage to do something like this?
[20:14] ---
    Ordinary things that ordinary people
    can do easily... And I can't do them at all.
[20:18] ---
    I'm so frantic
    not to reveal my weaknesses.
[20:20] ---
    Struggling not to admit to myself
    that I'm incompetent.
[20:25] ---
    It's so meaningless.
[20:29] ---
    So that's what this was about?
[20:32] ---
    I've unraveled one more
    mysterious thing about you!
[20:39] ---
    It's always puzzled me, you know.
[20:41] ---
    I've wondered
    where your ready wit comes from.
[20:46] ---
    Hard work fosters memory,
    observation skills and reason.
[20:50] ---
    So once you grasp a new skill, your mind learns
    to expand several times faster than others.
[20:56] ---
    All of the hard work you've put in until now...
[20:59] ---
    has made you who you are!
[21:04] ---
    How lovely.
[21:08] ---
    You think so?
[21:10] ---
    Are you telling me
    that no effort is wasted, Shinomiya?
[21:15] ---
    Of course I am!
[21:19] ---
    I see.
[21:24] ---
    President!
[21:25] ---
    Are the balloons you're using
    the ones that were in the warehouse?
[21:28] ---
    Yeah, they are.
[21:30] ---
    SHOPPING TEAM
    PROPS TEAM
    DECORATION TEAM
[21:31] ---
    I knew it!
[21:33] ---
    How old do you think these things are?
[21:41] ---
    See? It doesn't take long
    for balloons to degrade, okay?
[21:44] ---
    But I thought it'd be a waste, so...
[21:47] ---
    Always scrimping and saving!
[21:49] ---
    These are the new balloons
    that everyone's been using!
[21:52] ---
    They're made for balloon art,
    so they won't pop so easily.
[21:55] ---
    Seriously! I was this close
    to teaching you from the very start again!
[21:59] ---
    So you were planning
    to teach me again?
[22:02] ---
    Well, it's not like
    I can just ignore you.
[22:07] ---
    Since it'd cause trouble for the whole class,
    of course I'd help out the inept!
[22:12] ---
    Well, this time, I won't have to—
[22:17] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:18] ---
    Why?
[22:19] ---
    Fujiwara loses.
[22:19] ---
    How?
[22:21] ---
    All because she couldn't
    hold her tongue at the very end.
[22:22] ---
    Why?
[22:24] ---
    Result...
[22:24] ---
    POW
[22:25] ---
    The same as always.
[22:27] ---
    The same as always. The sa—

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E8 - Kei Shirogane Wants to Show Off

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:29] ---
    TSUKIJI TOFU
[01:35] ---
    Hey, Kei...
[01:36] ---
    KING
[01:38] ---
    What?
[01:39] ---
    The middle school culture festival
    is tomorrow, right?
[01:42] ---
    That's right.
[01:42] ---
    KEI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO SHOW OFF
[01:43] ---
    I need some ideas for ours,
    so is it okay if I check it out?
[01:46] ---
    Huh?
[01:48] ---
    What? Oh...
[01:50] ---
    I guess it would be okay.
[01:51] ---
    Yeah?
[01:52] ---
    Then, I think I'll drop by
    in the afternoon.
[01:55] ---
    What are you guys doing again?
[01:57] ---
    Nothing special. Just a takoyaki stall.
[01:59] ---
    Really?
[02:01] ---
    Hey...
[02:03] ---
    You're not coming in that outfit, are you?
[02:05] ---
    That was the plan.
[02:07] ---
    You stick out in that,
    so wear something else.
[02:09] ---
    Why should I?
[02:10] ---
    Everyone knows
    who you are in my school, Brother!
[02:12] ---
    The last thing I want is to get teased
    because you stood out like a sore thumb!
[02:15] ---
    You're at that awkward age, huh?
[02:18] ---
    Remember, I'm not taking you
    unless you dress cool!
[02:22] ---
    Cool, huh?
[02:24] ---
    Fine, I hear you loud and clear.
    I'll choose my outfit with care, okay?
[02:27] ---
    I want you to show me
    what you have in mind.
[02:29] ---
    Huh? Why?
[02:31] ---
    Just show me.
[02:32] ---
    Come on! I have to get dinner ready.
[02:35] ---
    Kei Shirogane knew from years of experience
    what kind of person her brother was.
[02:46] ---
    - What do you think of this?
    - Don't even think of wearing that!
[02:48] ---
    What? You don't like it?
[02:50] ---
    To think that someone could so shamelessly
    dress like an eighth-grader... Never!
[02:54] ---
    Never once did I think
    that we were related!
[02:56] ---
    There's nothing to worry about!
[02:58] ---
    I'm going to spike up my hair
    with wax tomorrow, so—
[03:00] ---
    That's the least of my worries!
[03:02] ---
    We can still salvage your hair, at least,
    so don't tinker with it anymore!
[03:05] ---
    But a guy wearing a hairpin is beyond lame!
[03:08] ---
    That juvenile English phrase that looks
    like it got spit out by a translation website!
[03:11] ---
    And that skull as an accent! What the heck?
[03:15] ---
    At least lose
    the long-sleeved shirt underneath!
[03:17] ---
    But they're sewn together,
    so it's like a unibody shirt.
[03:19] ---
    Unibody?
[03:22] ---
    Those pants are the wrong length, too.
[03:24] ---
    Can't you at least roll them up?
[03:25] ---
    JERK
[03:26] ---
    A pattern?
[03:26] ---
    BAM
[03:28] ---
    English text again! What's the deal
    with your passion for English text?
[03:31] ---
    Right. All this attention to detail is cool, huh?
[03:34] ---
    I have different patterns on each leg.
[03:36] ---
    BAMMM
[03:36] ---
    It's actually the Dragon Style!
[03:37] ---
    ASYMMETRIC
    (DRAGON STYLE)
[03:39] ---
    Don't you have any simpler clothes?
[03:41] ---
    Just some tight jeans
    and a dressy shirt would do.
[03:45] ---
    Unnecessary!
[03:46] ---
    You have more than enough elements already!
[03:49] ---
    Seriously, you're looking worse
    by the second.
[03:52] ---
    Your fashion sense was stunted
    when you were a delusional eighth-grader.
[03:54] ---
    Well, I actually was an eighth-grader
    when I bought these clothes.
[03:57] ---
    Since I started high school,
    I've only ever worn my uniform outside.
[04:00] ---
    Then at the very least, just do as I say.
[04:03] ---
    That backpack! You're not a grade-schooler
    on a field trip, so lose it!
[04:07] ---
    SODA BOTTLES
[04:07] ---
    What? But you can stash
    two bottles of soda in it.
[04:08] ---
    TWO
[04:10] ---
    Don't you have any other bags?
[04:13] ---
    It doesn't look like it.
[04:15] ---
    Then you can have this one. Use it.
[04:17] ---
    Huh? Hey, thanks!
[04:21] ---
    Take it off!
[04:22] ---
    Whoa!
[04:24] ---
    No one in their right mind
    wears a waist pack on their waist!
[04:27] ---
    Why not?
[04:28] ---
    In Japan, no one's allowed to wear their
    waist pack anywhere but on their shoulder!
[04:31] ---
    Why?
[04:32] ---
    If you wear it on your shoulder,
    then it's a shoulder pack!
[04:34] ---
    No, it's not!
[04:35] ---
    This is how to rock a waist pack
    if you want to be trendy!
[04:38] ---
    Okay but why?
[04:38] ---
    HUH HUH
[04:38] ---
    That's what the public decided!
    So you'll have to ask the public!
[04:38] ---
    ARGH ARGH
[04:42] ---
    You need to observe
    the people you see on the street!
[04:44] ---
    - Everyone wears it like this!
    - No way can that be true.
[04:47] ---
    I'm home.
[04:48] ---
    Hey.
[04:49] ---
    Welcome ho—
[04:50] ---
    Whoa! It is true!
[04:53] ---
    Well, not that this isn't painful, either,
    with the "old guy trying to look young" vibe.
[04:57] ---
    Why would you diss your dad
    the instant he arrives home?
[04:59] ---
    All right, just lay out all your clothes, then!
    I'll pick something out for you!
[05:03] ---
    OKI- FISHERMAN
[05:05] ---
    Beyond hopeless.
[05:07] ---
    No matter how I mix and match,
    it's hopeless.
[05:10] ---
    That's so cruel.
[05:13] ---
    So this is what I get for scrimping,
    saving for my family
[05:16] ---
    and making do with secondhand clothes?
[05:19] ---
    Don't say such sad things.
[05:22] ---
    Sure...
[05:23] ---
    I wish I could go out
    all decked out in a nice outfit, too.
[05:26] ---
    But once I start desiring something,
    there'll be no end to it.
[05:30] ---
    The best way to not want something
    is to drop all interest in it from the get-go.
[05:35] ---
    But since Kei's a girl...
[05:37] ---
    I want to make sure she can dress well...
[05:39] ---
    so I cut back on my own clothing expenses.
[05:41] ---
    What's this, Miyuki?
    You want to look fashionable, too?
[05:44] ---
    Well, sure, if I could.
[05:46] ---
    Only one thing to do, then.
[05:51] ---
    Then I'll give you this.
[05:53] ---
    This is the most expensive and stylish
    out of all my belongings.
[05:57] ---
    It's called a "Moonwatch."
[05:59] ---
    As the name implies,
    this watch made it to the Moon.
[06:02] ---
    It's the model that was used
    on the Apollo Program.
[06:06] ---
    I finally managed to buy it
    after saving up for three years.
[06:10] ---
    And I worked my butt off so that I could
    one day become a man worthy of this watch.
[06:16] ---
    Though my factory did go belly-up
    and I ended up selling off all our belongings,
[06:19] ---
    this is the one thing
    that I couldn't part with.
[06:22] ---
    Are you sure about this?
[06:23] ---
    Something so precious...
[06:25] ---
    Yeah. Because I'm a man
    who's given up on a lot of things.
[06:29] ---
    This watch is for someone
    who'll try to reach for the moon.
[06:33] ---
    It should be yours.
[06:36] ---
    Dad, I'm going to take real good care of it, so—
[06:39] ---
    Jeez, that's such an old guy watch.
[06:42] ---
    You're just going to have to buy
    some new clothes.
[06:45] ---
    How much do you have on you?
[06:47] ---
    Hand over your whole stash.
[06:50] ---
    All I've got is this commemorative 5,000-yen coin
    from the Nagano Olympics.
[06:53] ---
    All I've got is a 2,000-yen bill.
[06:55] ---
    Why do you both just happen to have
    such random pieces of currency?
[06:57] ---
    SHOO
[06:58] ---
    And they seem like keepers,
    so how could we use them?
[07:01] ---
    Really! What am I gonna do with you?
[07:06] ---
    All right. Let's go!
[07:07] ---
    Hurry up or the shops will close.
[07:09] ---
    Hey... But Kei...
[07:11] ---
    Don't give it another thought.
[07:12] ---
    This is the birthday money
    that I got from you anyway.
[07:15] ---
    Y-You knew it was from me?
[07:16] ---
    What do you think?
[07:18] ---
    Who do you think tracks
    all our household expenses?
[07:23] ---
    FRESH BAKED!
    DONUTS
[07:26] ---
    YUMMY
[07:27] ---
    Hey there, Kei!
[07:29] ---
    Brother...
[07:30] ---
    So you really came, huh?
[07:32] ---
    One dish of takoyaki.
[07:33] ---
    Here. Now get out of my sight.
[07:39] ---
    Standoffish much?
    When I came here dressed to the nines...
[07:43] ---
    Was that your big brother, Shirogane?
[07:45] ---
    The student council president?
[07:47] ---
    That's right.
[07:48] ---
    Wow, he's so cool!
[07:50] ---
    I know!
[07:51] ---
    I wish I had a big brother like that!
[07:53] ---
    I know I'd be showing him off
    all over the place!
[07:57] ---
    You couldn't be more wrong about him.
[07:59] ---
    400 YEN
[07:59] ---
    At home, he puts his laundry
    in the hamper inside out.
[08:02] ---
    He lectures me not be a picky eater
    with a condescending look in his eye.
[08:05] ---
    SUPER YUMMY!!
[08:06] ---
    He orders me
    not to wear anything too revealing.
[08:08] ---
    He says I can't go out
    until my homework's done.
[08:10] ---
    I'm telling you,
    my brother's so annoying!
[08:13] ---
    PRESIDENT SHIROGANE IS SO COOL...
[08:17] ---
    SHUCHIIN SWEET BUNS
[08:18] ---
    These are the samples of the goods
    they're going to sell at the school shop!
[08:19] ---
    TA-DA
[08:21] ---
    Shuchiin Sweet Buns
    and Shuchiin Rice Crackers.
[08:21] ---
    SHUCHIIN
    SWEET BUNS
[08:21] ---
    SHUCHIIN
    RICE CRACKERS
[08:24] ---
    You'd think they were souvenirs
    from a tourist spot.
[08:25] ---
    ABOUT KAGUYA SHINOMIYA,
    PART 2
[08:27] ---
    Well, they're legit products
    for funding the Alumni Association.
[08:31] ---
    They were made-to-order by a real vendor!
[08:34] ---
    This heart-shaped necklace...
[08:36] ---
    I saw it last year, as well.
[08:38] ---
    Oh, you didn't know?
[08:39] ---
    This is like the symbol
    of the Hoshin Culture Festival.
[08:42] ---
    Once upon a time, in a certain land,
[08:45] ---
    they say there was a princess so ill
    that she was on the brink of death.
[08:50] ---
    Her father, a lord, started praying for
    her recovery and received a heavenly message.
[08:55] ---
    He was told to burn
    a youth's heart in a fire,
[08:56] ---
    stir the ashes into the juice
    of a daikon radish and have her drink it.
[09:01] ---
    The rumors spread, and a man
    who was in love with the princess...
[09:05] ---
    ...offered his heart to the princess?
[09:07] ---
    That's right!
[09:08] ---
    And it's written in the local historical records from
    the 8th century that this saved the princess's life.
[09:12] ---
    And apparently...
[09:14] ---
    this happened right here
    at Shuchiin Academy High School!
[09:21] ---
    WHAT A GREAT
    SLOGAN!!
[09:21] ---
    "LET YOUR
    BURNING
    LOVE REACH
    EVERYONE!"
    HOSHIN
    FESTIVAL!!
[09:21] ---
    APPROVED!
[09:21] ---
    And that's where the Hoshin
    Culture Festival got its name.
[09:25] ---
    Well, this story certainly has
    its share of holes.
[09:28] ---
    Huh? Talk about a lukewarm reaction!
[09:31] ---
    We're talking about pure love
    from a thousand years ago!
[09:33] ---
    Don't you think it's romantic?
[09:34] ---
    I have no interest in the fanciful.
[09:37] ---
    I'm sure this story was concocted to give
    the ruler of those times a sense of authority.
[09:42] ---
    You sure are a realist, Kaguya!
[09:45] ---
    So anyway, it's thanks to that myth
    that we now have these souvenirs to sell.
[09:49] ---
    How can we trace it to that?
[09:51] ---
    Because this is a heart, too, right?
[09:54] ---
    They say that if you give someone a heart-shaped
    gift at the Hoshin Culture Festival...
[09:56] ---
    it'll bring you eternal love!
[10:00] ---
    Romantic!
[10:03] ---
    My big brother got one
    along with a confession of love, too.
[10:06] ---
    And he just married that girl!
[10:10] ---
    Even I can see that
    they're all lovey-dovey with each other!
[10:13] ---
    So it seems like it totally works,
    don't you think?
[10:15] ---
    It totally works, does it?
[10:17] ---
    Here. You can have
    one of these samples.
[10:25] ---
    Only a few days
    until the culture festival starts.
[10:30] ---
    I don't even have time to devise a plan.
[10:33] ---
    It'll likely be difficult to get President
    to give one of these to me.
[10:37] ---
    In that case, I'll give this to him myself.
[10:41] ---
    No, no way! If I do that,
    I'll have as good as confessed!
[10:41] ---
    SHAKE
    SHAKE
[10:44] ---
    And that's never going to happen!
[10:47] ---
    But...
[10:48] ---
    They say that if you give someone a heart-shaped
    gift at the Hoshin Culture Festival,
[10:51] ---
    it'll bring you eternal love!
[10:54] ---
    Eternal love.
[11:02] ---
    Surely I wouldn't be giving myself away
    if I did something like this!
[11:04] ---
    Right! I just have to nonchalantly give him
    something heart-shaped on the sly!
[11:09] ---
    Such child's play!
[11:10] ---
    Eternal love!
[11:12] ---
    But in the unlikely event
    that I get caught?
[11:16] ---
    Hmm. So I see.
[11:19] ---
    You want to cultivate
    eternal love between us?
[11:22] ---
    What's the matter, Shinomiya?
    You're sweating so profusely!
[11:25] ---
    Why don't I use this handkerchief
    with the heart to wipe it off?
[11:27] ---
    Self-defeating! That nonchalance
    would actually make me seem serious!
[11:31] ---
    After all, to give is to leave behind
    physical evidence.
[11:35] ---
    If that's the case,
    then what about food?
[11:37] ---
    If I can slice some apples or strawberries
    just right, I can make them heart-shaped.
[11:42] ---
    Then I'll use them as filling for a pie!
[11:44] ---
    On the surface,
    I wouldn't be giving myself away,
[11:47] ---
    and once he consumes it,
    there'll be no evidence left behind!
[11:50] ---
    But...
[11:50] ---
    Okay, let's divvy it up!
[11:54] ---
    Now slicing!
[11:55] ---
    How could you do such a thing?
[11:57] ---
    They look like broken hearts now!
    No! Our eternal love is collapsing!
[12:01] ---
    I don't know what's going on anymore!
[12:04] ---
    Wait a minute!
[12:05] ---
    Why is my heart pounding like this?
[12:07] ---
    I feel so stupid!
[12:14] ---
    Why am I in such a frenzy
    over such a trivial thing?
[12:19] ---
    What am I so afraid of?
[12:22] ---
    When did I...
[12:24] ---
    become...
[12:25] ---
    such a coward?
[12:29] ---
    President?
[12:30] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya.
[12:32] ---
    What's that stack of documents?
[12:35] ---
    Oh, these?
[12:36] ---
    It's the paperwork
    for the culture festival.
[12:37] ---
    Oh no. You already have
    too much on your plate as it is.
[12:41] ---
    And you look more tired than usual.
[12:44] ---
    Hmm.
[12:46] ---
    Hosting a two-day event
    without any know-how...
[12:48] ---
    We all have too much
    on our plates now.
[12:51] ---
    If I can go the extra mile now,
    there'll be less to do during the festival,
[12:54] ---
    and that should give everyone
    some time to walk around, right?
[13:00] ---
    It wouldn't be right if the people who worked
    the hardest didn't get to enjoy the festival, would it?
[13:08] ---
    Those words were spoken
    so unassumingly, and they are so...
[13:14] ---
    They are so...
[13:16] ---
    enchanting to me.
[13:19] ---
    Hey you!
[13:24] ---
    I'd like to take a step toward...
[13:28] ---
    the next level.
[13:32] ---
    Listen, Hayasaka!
[13:34] ---
    I want you to find a handkerchief
    that has this kind of pattern!
[13:37] ---
    By tomorrow!
[13:38] ---
    What a tyrannical request.
[13:40] ---
    POLKA DOT
    HANDKERCHIEF
    °BUT WITH
    JUST ONE HEART
    (THIS IS
    IMPORTANT)
[13:40] ---
    BUT MUST
    MAKE SURE
    HE DOESN'T
    NOTICE
    THE HEART!!
    (ALSO IMPORTANT)
[13:41] ---
    A product like that, geared toward
    such a niche market doesn't exist.
[13:45] ---
    Is this based on the Hoshin Legend?
[13:47] ---
    If you give him this,
    it'll be the same as confessing to him.
[13:52] ---
    Well, of course you'll come up
    with some excuse or other,
[13:55] ---
    "Oh, it's not as if I like President
    or anything," but—
[13:57] ---
    I do like him.
[14:01] ---
    What?
[14:03] ---
    I...
[14:05] ---
    like...
[14:07] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane.
[14:09] ---
    Tell me, Hayasaka.
[14:11] ---
    How am I supposed to process
    such feelings?
[14:13] ---
    I'm feeling so strange.
[14:15] ---
    I can't believe it.
[14:17] ---
    "I like him."
[14:18] ---
    I'm amazed that you uttered
    such nauseating words so calmly.
[14:21] ---
    But you're the one who's been trying
    to make me say them all this time!
[14:25] ---
    In love, whoever has feelings first loses.
[14:28] ---
    Admitting those feelings out loud
    has wounded Kaguya's pride.
[14:34] ---
    Even so, along with a faint sense of defeat,
[14:37] ---
    she also feels the relief of having
    a heavy load lifted off her shoulders.
[14:46] ---
    FOR HAYASAKA, THIS WAS
    THE BIGGEST NEWS OF THE YEAR
[14:49] ---
    Are you kidding me?
[14:59] ---
    RECOMMENDATIONS
    FOR STUDYING IN THE U.S.
[15:09] ---
    I...
[15:10] ---
    like...
[15:12] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane.
[15:23] ---
    HEART
    TO
    HEART
[15:23] ---
    HOSHIN
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
[15:23] ---
    LET YOUR
    BURNING
    LOVE
    REACH
    EVERYONE!
[15:24] ---
    I wonder what'll happen
    if I tell you how I feel about you.
[15:33] ---
    According to Hayasaka...
[15:35] ---
    If you like him, then you should be
    straight with him and confess.
[15:38] ---
    Either hold on to your pride
    and continue to suffer
[15:40] ---
    or else confess
    and have the load lifted right away.
[15:43] ---
    The time has finally come
    for you to choose.
[15:45] ---
    Confess...
[15:49] ---
    It all depends on why I won't confess.
[15:52] ---
    I know that President likes me,
    so what's the problem?
[15:56] ---
    And it's not as if whoever has feelings
    first loses, or anything!
[15:59] ---
    She just rejected
    the principle theme of this story!
[15:59] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS TO CONFESS
[16:03] ---
    How hard could it be to confess?
[16:05] ---
    President, I like you!
    Please go out with me!
[16:09] ---
    I like you, too, Shinomiya.
[16:11] ---
    Then...
[16:12] ---
    But when I say "like,"
    I mean that I'm fond of you.
[16:15] ---
    It's not romantic.
[16:22] ---
    Sorry.
[16:23] ---
    TREMBLE TREMBLE
[16:25] ---
    AAAH
[16:27] ---
    No, you're being too pessimistic!
    Although I can't rule out the possibility!
[16:31] ---
    But the odds of my succeeding
    are so much higher!
[16:34] ---
    In the first place, they say
    that whoever has feelings first loses!
[16:38] ---
    GRUMPY
[16:38] ---
    Me, confess first? I could never!
[16:40] ---
    Kaguya turned tail
    and returned to where she started.
[16:44] ---
    Where do people find the courage
    to confess their feelings?
[16:50] ---
    Understood.
[16:52] ---
    So, once the event on Outdoor Stage Number 2
    is over, please collect the wireless mics.
[16:53] ---
    CULTURE FESTIVAL COMMITTEE
[16:56] ---
    Thanks for always
    looking out for me, Ishigami!
[16:58] ---
    Equipment trouble
    comes with the territory.
[17:01] ---
    This isn't on you, Squad Leader.
[17:03] ---
    Hey, don't call me "Squad Leader"!
    This isn't the Cheerleading Squad!
[17:06] ---
    O-Oh, just out of habit.
[17:07] ---
    Now, now!
[17:08] ---
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
    COMMITTEE
[17:08] ---
    Let's just say that the Cheerleading Squad's
    bonds can never be broken!
[17:11] ---
    Well, I'm cool with that!
[17:13] ---
    Miko...
[17:14] ---
    Do you have any extra blackout curtains?
[17:16] ---
    Hey, is that you, Kobachi?
    You're sure working hard!
[17:19] ---
    Yes. Good luck to you, too.
[17:21] ---
    Thanks! See you later!
[17:24] ---
    Huh? You know
    the Squad Leader, Osaragi?
[17:27] ---
    Hmm. Know him?
[17:30] ---
    I'm dating him.
[17:31] ---
    Oh, is that right?
    Who would've thought?
[17:33] ---
    Koba-chan, I thought you couldn't stand
    sweaty types like him—
[17:36] ---
    - Huh?
    - Huh?
[17:37] ---
    Hold on a second!
[17:39] ---
    You never showed any signs until now!
[17:42] ---
    We started talking here and there
    while getting ready for the festival.
[17:45] ---
    And I don't know. It just happened.
[17:47] ---
    It's what they call
    "culture festival magic."
[17:51] ---
    Culture festival magic?
[17:53] ---
    CULTURE FESTIVAL MAGIC
[17:54] ---
    Through culture festival preparations,
    students make rapid-fire moves on one another!
[17:58] ---
    And quite often, buoyed by festival fever,
    they end up as bona fide couples!
[18:03] ---
    This is a phenomenon
    known as "culture festival magic"!
[18:07] ---
    We were texting each other on Line
    the other day, and it just happened.
[18:10] ---
    He asked me if I wanted to give dating a try,
    and I was like, "Well, why not?"
[18:14] ---
    You were like, "Well, why not?"
[18:15] ---
    PANIC
    PANIC
[18:16] ---
    Well, since it'd be lame, going
    to the culture festival with female friends.
[18:21] ---
    And after this, we have Christmas coming up.
[18:24] ---
    Logically speaking...
[18:26] ---
    you'd need a guy for that, right?
[18:27] ---
    You're more carnivorous with men
    than I thought!
[18:30] ---
    At this time of year,
    if the other person is single...
[18:32] ---
    that gives you a 60% rate
    of success when you confess.
[18:36] ---
    The best time of the year to make it
    is right now.
[18:39] ---
    Is it really?
[18:41] ---
    You give it your best shot, too, Ishigami.
[18:43] ---
    What for exactly?
[18:46] ---
    Ridiculous.
[18:47] ---
    I'm hitting the restroom.
[18:49] ---
    Ishigami always had
    this thought in his mind.
[18:52] ---
    Tsubame and the Squad Leader are good friends,
    and they look cute together,
[18:52] ---
    TSUBAME
    SQUAD LEADER
[18:55] ---
    so maybe they were going out.
[18:58] ---
    However, if the Squad Leader and Osaragi
    are going out, it changes everything!
[18:58] ---
    TSUBAME
    SQUAD LEADER
    OSARAGI
[19:02] ---
    At this moment, the possibility
    that Tsubame Koyasu is single is sky-high!
[19:08] ---
    All right!
[19:13] ---
    This is it! This is it! This is it!
    This is it! This is it!
[19:17] ---
    This is my chance!
[19:19] ---
    Please...
[19:21] ---
    Would you mind not shouting like that?
[19:23] ---
    Shinomiya!
[19:25] ---
    Well, not that I don't understand
    why you want to make a commotion.
[19:28] ---
    If you were to take advantage
    of this culture festival atmosphere,
[19:31] ---
    you'd be very likely to succeed.
    Isn't that what you were thinking just now?
[19:36] ---
    I never had such a shallow thought in my mind!
[19:39] ---
    Sh-Shallow?
[19:45] ---
    I have no intention of making
    such a calculated confession.
[19:48] ---
    I'm out of time.
[19:50] ---
    I can't afford to let this chance
    slip through my fingers!
[19:53] ---
    Tsubame will be graduating soon.
[19:57] ---
    If I do nothing now,
    I'll only ever be her high school junior!
[20:01] ---
    That's why...
[20:03] ---
    I have to become
    Tsubame's special someone!
[20:10] ---
    Even though it's scary to think
    that she just might reject me.
[20:15] ---
    But the truth is,
    I was going to make a move...
[20:18] ---
    only after doing well
    on my finals the other day.
[20:23] ---
    Am I being reckless after all?
    A guy like me...
[20:25] ---
    Ishigami!
[20:27] ---
    You're wrong about that!
    I'm sure you'll make it!
[20:30] ---
    You don't have to hide
    the fact that you like her!
[20:32] ---
    Be brave, Ishigami!
[20:35] ---
    You absolutely should confess to her!
[20:37] ---
    Let's go confess to her right away!
[20:39] ---
    Now? Shall we go now?
[20:42] ---
    No, now is not...
[20:45] ---
    But you gave me a little courage.
[20:48] ---
    For now, I'm just going to ask her
    to go to the culture festival with me.
[20:53] ---
    Shinomiya...
[20:55] ---
    Thanks.
[20:58] ---
    Ishigami...
[21:00] ---
    So you're going to be brave.
[21:07] ---
    In that case...
[21:08] ---
    I...
[21:12] ---
    Please use this!
[21:14] ---
    CREPES
[21:14] ---
    So cute! Thanks!
[21:17] ---
    Secretary Fujiwara, what are you doing?
[21:19] ---
    Oh, President!
[21:20] ---
    TA-DA
[21:21] ---
    Since we have so many
    extra heart-shaped balloons,
[21:23] ---
    I've been handing them out to the classes
    that don't have enough decorations!
[21:27] ---
    Hoshin Culture Festival's key item
    is a heart after all!
[21:30] ---
    I see. Good thinking there.
[21:32] ---
    Isn't it?
[21:33] ---
    HEH HEH
[21:35] ---
    Ah... Testing, testing...
[21:37] ---
    Hey, it's just about to start!
[21:40] ---
    Are you good to go now?
[21:42] ---
    Yeah.
[21:44] ---
    I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
[21:47] ---
    During this festival...
[21:49] ---
    Everybody, thank you for waiting!
[21:51] ---
    I'm going to confess to President!
[21:53] ---
    It's finally time to kick off the scorching hot
    two days you've been waiting so long for!
[21:58] ---
    All right, what in the world could happen?
[22:00] ---
    If Shinomiya doesn't confess
    to me first, then I'll do it.
[22:03] ---
    I'm sure that you'll all end up
    cherishing the next two days!
[22:10] ---
    Now then...
[22:11] ---
    let Shuchiin Academy's
    Hoshin Culture Festival...
[22:14] ---
    start!
[22:16] ---
    HOSHIN CULTURE FESTIVAL
[22:17] ---
    CUPID TAKOYAKI
    WITH HEART-SHAPED
    KAMABOKO INSIDE
[22:17] ---
    FRUIT CANDY
    200 YEN
[22:17] ---
    CREPES
[22:21] ---
    The Culture Festival and Dual Confessions Arc...
[22:25] ---
    has begun!
[22:28] ---
    And...

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E9 - Spring of First Year

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    I like Miyuki Shirogane.
[00:09] ---
    I like President so much, it's crazy.
[00:21] ---
    HEART
    TO
    HEART
[00:21] ---
    HOSHIN
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
[00:21] ---
    LET YOUR
    BURNING
    LOVE
    REACH
    EVERYONE!
[00:22] ---
    I wonder what'll happen
    if I tell you how I feel about you.
[00:31] ---
    I'm going to...
[00:32] ---
    confess to President.
[00:35] ---
    In love, whoever has feelings first loses.
[00:39] ---
    HOSHIN
    CULTURE FESTIVAL
[00:40] ---
    Now then, let Shuchiin Academy's
    Hoshin Culture Festival...
[00:43] ---
    start!
[00:47] ---
    If Shinomiya doesn't confess
    to me first, then I'll do it.
[00:51] ---
    That said, if the person who had
    feelings first is considered the loser...
[00:57] ---
    then it would mean
    that he had lost long ago.
[01:05] ---
    ONE YEAR AGO
    SPRING
[01:14] ---
    HALF OFF
    THE DISPLAYED PRICE
[01:17] ---
    I got into the wrong school.
[01:19] ---
    SPRING OF FIRST YEAR
[01:19] ---
    Everyone around me
    is obscenely rich and super annoying!
[01:23] ---
    The thoroughbreds who've been going to Shuchiin
    since elementary school are considered "pure."
[01:27] ---
    Outsiders like me...
[01:29] ---
    are set apart as "impure."
[01:31] ---
    It's been a week since I started here.
[01:34] ---
    I can't even find someone
    to have lunch with.
[01:37] ---
    Does having rich parents
    make you so high and mighty?
[01:40] ---
    You lousy, entitled brats!
[01:46] ---
    Somebody's in a savage mood.
[01:49] ---
    You're the scholarship student,
    Miyuki Shirogane.
[01:53] ---
    Am I right?
[01:56] ---
    Put your trash where it belongs, okay?
[01:58] ---
    Sorry.
[02:00] ---
    That shiny golden fourragere on his chest...
[02:02] ---
    If I recall, it signifies that
    you're the student council president—
[02:04] ---
    Perfect timing.
[02:06] ---
    I've wanted to have a word with you.
[02:17] ---
    Me, join the student council?
[02:20] ---
    Right.
[02:21] ---
    It's up to the president
    to pick council members.
[02:25] ---
    Every April, we have to fight over new recruits
    with the clubs. It's open season.
[02:31] ---
    Why would you want me?
[02:33] ---
    I'm sure there are plenty of people
    much more competent than me.
[02:37] ---
    Like the student who gave the speech
    during the entrance ceremony.
[02:41] ---
    Kaguya, the Ice Princess...
    Is that who you mean?
[02:44] ---
    I don't know about that,
    but I hear her family's insanely rich,
[02:48] ---
    and that she's a prodigy
    who's amazing at whatever she does.
[02:51] ---
    At least that's what the rumors say.
[02:53] ---
    We were dealt different hands
    from the start.
[02:57] ---
    My family has no social standing,
    and I have no abilities.
[03:01] ---
    I'm an impure outside student
    with nothing going for me.
[03:03] ---
    That's fine.
[03:05] ---
    We've all been sheltered
    inside this walled garden called "Shuchiin."
[03:10] ---
    We could do with at least one person who can see
    the outside world with a level gaze.
[03:16] ---
    I'd love to utilize your point of view.
[03:19] ---
    But...
[03:21] ---
    Now, now.
[03:22] ---
    Why don't you just observe the student council
    at work for today? That'll be enough.
[03:28] ---
    Okay.
[03:32] ---
    Tell me...
[03:33] ---
    Why did you choose Shuchiin?
[03:36] ---
    Well, because they offer more
    in the way of aid here.
[03:39] ---
    My family's not rich.
[03:41] ---
    But if I'd known this was
    such an obnoxious school...
[03:44] ---
    Sure, I agree that it's obnoxious!
[03:46] ---
    But on the other hand,
[03:48] ---
    there are people here that you could
    never meet outside this academy.
[03:52] ---
    This year's crop of freshmen
    is full of superstars.
[03:55] ---
    The daughter of the Shijo Family
    and a piano prodigy...
[03:58] ---
    And needless to say, the oldest daughter
    of the Leader of the Shinomiya Group.
[04:02] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya.
[04:04] ---
    Outside the academy, you'd be hard-pressed
    to even get an audience with her.
[04:08] ---
    Haven't you approached them?
[04:10] ---
    I've been doing all I can
    to talk them into joining...
[04:13] ---
    but I'm pretty sure my chances are slim.
[04:15] ---
    Since people who know themselves
    tend not to be easily led.
[04:19] ---
    People who know themselves, huh?
[04:23] ---
    Since I'm easily led,
[04:25] ---
    does that mean I don't know who I am?
[04:29] ---
    BLOOD POOL SWAMP
[04:30] ---
    All right!
[04:31] ---
    We're cleaning up this swamp today.
[04:34] ---
    The pipes have been clogged for ages.
[04:37] ---
    We have a number of volunteers
    helping us out...
[04:40] ---
    but we need to look
    like we're putting in some work...
[04:44] ---
    or it'll make for bad optics.
[04:49] ---
    Whoa! It really is filthy!
[04:55] ---
    Why am I doing this?
[04:58] ---
    He said he was recruiting me
    for the student council,
[05:01] ---
    but isn't this just his polite way
    of forcing this cleanup job on me?
[05:05] ---
    He's probably looking down on me
    as a poor kid anyway.
[05:05] ---
    I'd like you guys
    to tidy up the pump room.
[05:09] ---
    Whatever.
[05:11] ---
    No matter what I do,
    it's not gonna change anything any—
[05:13] ---
    Nooooo!
[05:14] ---
    - There's a dead bat floating in the water!
    - Hey—
[05:21] ---
    Grab on to this!
[05:24] ---
    Would it be better to jump in?
[05:25] ---
    But is this swamp safe?
    You know, diseases and stuff...
[05:28] ---
    Hey! Is this any time to be like that?
[05:30] ---
    But I can't swim, so... Somebody
    who can swim, jump in and save her!
[05:34] ---
    Somebody...
[05:35] ---
    Somebody!
[05:36] ---
    Somebody!
[05:47] ---
    Pull them up!
[06:05] ---
    I couldn't move a muscle.
[06:07] ---
    I just laid out a bunch of petty excuses
    and stopped thinking at all.
[06:18] ---
    Whether your family's rich or you were
    born talented... None of that matters.
[06:25] ---
    Being able to spring into action
    when called upon or not...
[06:28] ---
    The ones who can do that...
[06:33] ---
    are beautiful.
[06:37] ---
    That was commendable, Lady Kaguya.
[06:39] ---
    Don't be ridiculous.
[06:41] ---
    That was the daughter of a newspaper
    company CEO who was drowning.
[06:44] ---
    It may benefit us later
    to be able to call in this favor.
[06:47] ---
    Even still, you were the only one
    who made a move to save her.
[06:51] ---
    As if anyone would willingly
    jump into a ditch.
[06:54] ---
    People are always waiting for someone
    other than themselves to be sacrificed.
[06:59] ---
    Supposing people who could sully themselves
    without expecting anything in return do exist...
[07:04] ---
    If so?
[07:06] ---
    I'm sure we wouldn't see eye to eye.
[07:12] ---
    I wonder what kind of person
    would be worthy of standing next to her.
[07:17] ---
    I can do that.
[07:19] ---
    After all, I'm this academy's
    student council president.
[07:24] ---
    I see.
[07:29] ---
    Student council president, huh?
[07:34] ---
    TAKOYAKI
[07:34] ---
    CREPES
[07:37] ---
    I'm all set.
[07:39] ---
    The rest depends on you...
[07:42] ---
    Shinomiya.
[07:46] ---
    HOSHIN CULTURE FESTIVAL
[07:49] ---
    KAGUYA'S CULTURE FESTIVAL
[07:54] ---
    400 YEN
[07:54] ---
    APPLE
    CANDY
[07:54] ---
    HOT OFF THE GRILL & YUMMY
    YAKISOBA
[07:57] ---
    LOST CHILD
    CENTER
[07:57] ---
    ARTS & CRAFTS CLUB
    TRY YOUR HAND
    AT WOOL FELT CRAFTING
[08:03] ---
    That really looks good on you!
[08:05] ---
    You're the embodiment
    of a classic Japanese woman!
[08:07] ---
    That's what you call "Taisho romance"!
[08:08] ---
    WOW
[08:08] ---
    I should've picked a maid outfit, too.
[08:11] ---
    Don't be silly. Only Kaguya
    could pull off that look, and you know it!
[08:15] ---
    Cosplay Café!
[08:17] ---
    A hospitality system under which
    servers dress up in all kinds of costumes.
[08:20] ---
    BUTLER
[08:21] ---
    CAT EARS
[08:22] ---
    To comply with her classmates' fervent requests,
    Kaguya has donned a traditional Japanese outfit.
[08:26] ---
    HORSE
[08:28] ---
    D-Do you really think it looks good on me?
[08:30] ---
    Yes. It truly looks splendid
    on you, Lady Kaguya.
[08:33] ---
    You just gave me a heart attack!
[08:35] ---
    Is something the matter, Lady Kaguya?
[08:37] ---
    Well... That maid costume...
[08:39] ---
    Yes. I'm cosplaying as a maid.
[08:41] ---
    Ai, you totally own that character!
[08:44] ---
    Yes. I've taken great pains
    over a long period of time to perfect it.
[08:48] ---
    After all, the concept is to depict
    the extraordinary by dressing differently
[08:52] ---
    thereby giving your audience chills.
[08:56] ---
    It's far too much like ordinary life for me,
    so it's giving me a different kind of chill.
[09:02] ---
    Kaguya, I have no clue what you mean!
[09:04] ---
    You're so funny!
[09:06] ---
    Extraordinary!
[09:08] ---
    Come on, now, Ai, get back to work.
[09:11] ---
    Okay, I'm going to see to our customers, too.
[09:13] ---
    We need you over here, Lady Kaguya!
[09:15] ---
    DRINKS
    SWEETS
[09:15] ---
    COSPLAY CAFÉ IN SHUCHIIN
[09:15] ---
    All you have to do is stand here smiling,
    and show people in here from time to time!
[09:20] ---
    - You mean I'm to act as the poster girl?
    - Oh!
[09:23] ---
    If you can focus your smile
    on the male customers,
[09:26] ---
    that would be really good!
[09:28] ---
    This is rather salacious.
[09:33] ---
    COSPLAY CAFÉ
[09:35] ---
    My shift is two hours until 1 PM.
[09:38] ---
    I did inform President of my time slot,
    but I wonder if he'll show up.
[09:43] ---
    Somehow I feel like I'm lying in wait
    for him, and it's rather sad.
[09:47] ---
    Hypothetically, if I am going to confess
    to him during this culture festival,
[09:51] ---
    I'd like a running start
    to spend a little time together!
[09:55] ---
    And besides...
[09:56] ---
    Adorable!
[09:57] ---
    That really looks good on you!
[10:01] ---
    At this café, due to space constraints,
[10:02] ---
    You have to pour the hot water slowly like this.
[10:03] ---
    the system is to serve coffee and tea
    in front of the customers.
[10:06] ---
    It's not just taking orders
    and clearing the table.
[10:06] ---
    We'll require approximately five minutes
    for both coffee and tea. Is that all right?
[10:09] ---
    I'll have plenty of time
    to interact with President!
[10:11] ---
    I'll have time to flaunt these clothes
    at point-blank range!
[10:15] ---
    Under this system,
    President's heart will flutter for sure!
[10:19] ---
    However, this very system backfired on her!
[10:22] ---
    Having the eye-catching classic Japanese woman
    serve as poster girl has promoted lingering.
[10:26] ---
    As a result,
[10:28] ---
    the café is a booming success with primarily
    male repeat customers returning in a short time!
[10:33] ---
    It's getting quite busy, isn't it?
[10:33] ---
    WE CAN
    ACCOMMODATE
    1 GUEST
    WILLING
    TO SHARE A TABLE
    CURRENT WAIT TIME
    IS 10 MINUTES
[10:36] ---
    Even if President arrived now—
[10:37] ---
    I'm so sorry, Lady Kaguya!
[10:40] ---
    We're getting really swamped,
    so could you tend to the customers?
[10:43] ---
    Oh... Yes!
[10:45] ---
    Thank you for your patience!
[10:47] ---
    May I take your or...
[10:50] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[10:53] ---
    ...der?
[10:55] ---
    I'll have a cup of coffee.
    How about you, J?
[10:58] ---
    Yeah, I'll have the same thing.
[11:00] ---
    Very good, gentlemen!
[11:01] ---
    Please give me a moment.
[11:03] ---
    I've seen that girl somewhere.
[11:05] ---
    I came here because I heard that their ramen
    contained ingredients you don't usually see.
[11:10] ---
    I never dreamed you'd be here, too.
[11:12] ---
    Really, I'm astonished.
[11:15] ---
    Right back atcha, San-chan.
[11:16] ---
    I have no clue where you're getting
    your information from.
[11:24] ---
    Um...
[11:26] ---
    I shall now serve you your coffee.
[11:29] ---
    So is that the Shuchiin Coffee I've heard about,
    favored by the Imperial Household Agency?
[11:33] ---
    You're knowledgeable about coffee, too?
[11:36] ---
    Compared to your knowledge of ramen,
    it's merely amateur-level.
[11:40] ---
    That said, these are the same Tamaya Coffee
    beans that are served to state guests.
[11:43] ---
    That's general knowledge.
[11:44] ---
    These guests are going to be a handful.
    Let me get this over with and slip away.
[11:48] ---
    Now then, let me pour your coffee.
[11:49] ---
    You're not up to this.
[11:51] ---
    Excuse me?
[11:53] ---
    What do you mean, "not up to it"?
[11:55] ---
    Sorry, but I just can't compromise
    when it comes to taste.
[11:59] ---
    Would you mind switching places
    with that young lady over there?
[12:02] ---
    With Hayasaka?
[12:04] ---
    The way that girl pours is magnificent.
[12:06] ---
    The amount, the speed...
[12:08] ---
    The way the beans swell as if with joy
    and then form beautiful swirls in the hot water...
[12:13] ---
    You'd think she was using a ruler.
[12:16] ---
    That's first-class work right there.
[12:19] ---
    What a sharp eye you have.
    I am humbled.
[12:22] ---
    From your point of view,
    how would you rate her work?
[12:24] ---
    Well,
[12:25] ---
    either trash or garbage.
[12:28] ---
    She uses random amounts of beans.
    Her placement is also sloppy.
[12:30] ---
    She makes you feel sorry for the beans.
[12:34] ---
    You'd think she was preparing instant ramen,
    the way she sloshes the hot water in.
[12:39] ---
    Exactly. Would you mind pouring my coffee?
[12:43] ---
    Can you do mine, too?
[12:44] ---
    I'd be more than happy to do so
    for anyone who evaluates my work accurately.
[12:49] ---
    If only my lady
    could take a page from your book...
[12:52] ---
    Just hold on a second!
[12:54] ---
    I admit that I have no knowledge
    of how to properly serve coffee.
[12:59] ---
    However, in the case of black or green tea,
    I can deliver top-notch products!
[13:04] ---
    Ah.
[13:05] ---
    Hey, I don't think that kind of bluster
    is going to work on San-chan.
[13:09] ---
    Right, San-chan?
[13:10] ---
    If you're that determined,
    then how about a cup of tea?
[13:13] ---
    Huh?
[13:14] ---
    Please give me a moment.
[13:17] ---
    President!
[13:18] ---
    Why did you have to come now?
[13:20] ---
    I would so love to serve you, but...
[13:23] ---
    right now, I must make those
    middle-aged men eat their own words!
[13:53] ---
    For you.
[14:07] ---
    I apologize for being rude earlier.
[14:11] ---
    You are, without a doubt, first class.
[14:14] ---
    I take my hat off to you.
[14:16] ---
    You are too kind.
[14:18] ---
    Meticulous heat control.
[14:20] ---
    The purposeful use of equipment.
[14:22] ---
    This is...
[14:23] ---
    Jumping as if dancing
    on the palm of my hand!
[14:26] ---
    An ingenious way
    of wringing out every golden drop!
[14:29] ---
    This is a labor of love,
    ingrained in your body!
[14:32] ---
    No question about it!
[14:34] ---
    This is the taste of love!
[14:37] ---
    Wanting your beloved
    to drink better-tasting tea!
[14:40] ---
    You've continued to make
    daily adjustments toward that end!
[14:43] ---
    The taste of incredible love!
[14:45] ---
    Then, this must be...
[14:46] ---
    Right, this is a cup of tea
    that was refined for one person only!
[14:50] ---
    A declaration of love, both circuitous and pure!
    The taste of a yet unrealized love!
[14:51] ---
    Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
[14:55] ---
    Filled to the brim with love!
[14:56] ---
    I'm so glad I came here today!
[15:01] ---
    I pray with all my heart that your love
    will have a happy ending,
[15:05] ---
    you sweet little Taisho-era girl.
[15:07] ---
    Go home!
[15:10] ---
    That will be 1,600 yen
    for two cups of tea, please!
[15:13] ---
    Not shy about charging us, are you?
[15:16] ---
    Shinomiya?
[15:17] ---
    Did something happen just now?
[15:19] ---
    D-Don't give it another thought!
[15:21] ---
    I see.
[15:26] ---
    Mmm.
[15:27] ---
    Your tea sure is delicious, Shinomiya.
[15:32] ---
    Right... That girl...
[15:36] ---
    I see.
[15:38] ---
    So it's you.
[15:41] ---
    COOKING CLUB CAFÉ
    3F COOKING CLUB ROOM
    TEA CEREMONY CLUB
[15:41] ---
    ART CLUB EXHIBIT
    ARTS & CRAFTS CLUB
[15:41] ---
    COOKIES
    500 YEN
[15:43] ---
    Really...
[15:45] ---
    Customer service is such a hassle.
[15:48] ---
    Thanks to those oddball customers,
    I didn't even get to chat with President.
[15:53] ---
    Oh well, at least there shouldn't be
    any more strange middle-aged guests com—
[16:07] ---
    The first day of Kaguya's Culture Festival...
[16:10] ---
    No confession made.
[16:13] ---
    And at last...
[16:13] ---
    FOUR RAMEN KINGS SERIES
    PART 2
    COMING SOON
[16:20] ---
    YU ISHIGAMI'S CULTURE FESTIVAL
[16:22] ---
    Hey, it's noon already.
[16:25] ---
    First-years, go on your breaks now!
[16:27] ---
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
    COMMITTEE
[16:27] ---
    Okay!
[16:29] ---
    Back to our classroom?
[16:30] ---
    Yeah.
[16:31] ---
    Hey, Squad Leader? It's Tsubame.
[16:34] ---
    The possibility that
    Tsubame is single is sky-high.
[16:34] ---
    We're running a little late,
    so can we go on about 15 minutes early?
[16:38] ---
    Yeah.
[16:38] ---
    This culture festival is the perfect time
    to confess to Tsubame!
[16:40] ---
    Really?
[16:41] ---
    Okay, then I'm counting on you!
[16:43] ---
    But if I'm going to confess,
    I need a running start.
[16:46] ---
    I wanna spend
    a little time together at least.
[16:49] ---
    Coincidentally,
[16:50] ---
    Kaguya was having
    similar thoughts.
[16:51] ---
    SYNCHRONICITY
[16:54] ---
    MAIN STAGE A
    MAIN STAGE B
    MAIN AUDITORIUM A
    MAIN AUDITORIUM B
    QUAD STAGE A
    QUAD STAGE B
    2FA
    LOST CHILD CENTER
    AFTER-PARTY
[16:54] ---
    CULTURE FESTIVAL COMMITTEE SCHEDULE
[16:54] ---
    Tsubame will be taking
    her break soon!
[16:57] ---
    I have to find a way somehow to ask her
    to go to the culture festival with me!
[17:00] ---
    Yeah, but...
[17:01] ---
    what should I say?
[17:04] ---
    Just talking to her normally
    makes my heart pound,
[17:06] ---
    so there's no way
    I can ask her out on a date!
[17:09] ---
    What am I supposed to do—
[17:10] ---
    Guess who?
[17:13] ---
    That voice!
[17:14] ---
    Miss Mood Swings?
[17:16] ---
    Wrong!
[17:17] ---
    Sorry!
[17:18] ---
    It's Maki!
[17:20] ---
    Thank goodness. I was right.
[17:21] ---
    Hey, Yu...
[17:23] ---
    Who have you been
    looking at all this time?
[17:25] ---
    Hmm?
[17:27] ---
    Huh?
[17:28] ---
    Oh, I see!
[17:30] ---
    Yeah, I can see that!
[17:33] ---
    What? What can you see?
[17:36] ---
    Tsubame Koyasu, was it?
[17:38] ---
    She's such a looker, isn't she?
[17:40] ---
    I can understand how you feel, Yu.
[17:42] ---
    It's the culture festival after all!
[17:44] ---
    You want to go around
    with the one you love!
[17:46] ---
    If you get a chance, you'd like to confess,
    as well, but you can't summon the courage!
[17:50] ---
    Yep!
[17:51] ---
    I get it!
[17:53] ---
    I mean, I totally get it.
[17:55] ---
    As usual, you're going
    from one extreme to another.
[17:58] ---
    I kind of had a feeling that
    there was someone like that in your life, Yu,
[18:02] ---
    but going after the Madonna
    of the third-years... How reckless is that?
[18:06] ---
    Your odds are beyond low, you know.
[18:08] ---
    You seem to be enjoying yourself.
[18:09] ---
    Yes. I do enjoy relationship gossip
    about other people.
[18:12] ---
    Nothing can hurt me after all.
[18:16] ---
    Well...
[18:17] ---
    there's no use in worrying
    about the disparities between you.
[18:21] ---
    Somehow or other, you have to take action,
    or you'll never get anywhere!
[18:24] ---
    If you truly love her,
[18:26] ---
    stop hemming and hawing,
    and get on with asking her out!
[18:29] ---
    If you don't move fast...
[18:31] ---
    someone will snatch her away!
[18:34] ---
    Oh man...
[18:35] ---
    Why would you hurt yourself
    by talking about your own crush?
[18:38] ---
    I wasn't thinking!
[18:41] ---
    But as far as asking her out goes,
    what am I supposed to say?
[18:45] ---
    FIDGET FIDGET
[18:45] ---
    I don't wanna cause
    any trouble for Tsuba—
[18:47] ---
    Oh?
[18:48] ---
    Whoa! Tsubasa!
[18:50] ---
    So, Ishigami,
    you have feelings for Tsubame?
[18:53] ---
    You should've told me, then!
    I thought we were friends!
[18:56] ---
    Hey, there you are, Maki!
[18:58] ---
    It's so crowded!
    I could get lost if you leave my side!
[19:01] ---
    Oh, sorry about that!
[19:03] ---
    - I spotted my friend, so I just—
    - Huh?
[19:06] ---
    You're both friends with him?
[19:08] ---
    - Yes.
    - Yes.
[19:09] ---
    I turn to Yu for advice sometimes.
[19:11] ---
    Hey, you, too, Maki?
[19:13] ---
    We can sure lean on Ishigami, can't we?
[19:15] ---
    Well, I don't know if I can lean on him or not,
    but he's a good kid.
[19:19] ---
    Really?
[19:21] ---
    If you both say so,
    then he must be a good person.
[19:24] ---
    Will you be friends with me, too?
[19:26] ---
    U-Uh, sure.
[19:28] ---
    I don't know why...
[19:29] ---
    but I'm getting these weird,
    terrifying vibes from this person.
[19:33] ---
    So, what were you talking about?
[19:35] ---
    Um...
[19:36] ---
    We were discussing what you should say
    when you ask a girl to the culture festival.
[19:41] ---
    Shouldn't you just simply say,
    "Wanna go out with me?"
[19:44] ---
    Easier said than done!
[19:46] ---
    Being so blunt will only make him nervous!
[19:49] ---
    His knees would be buckling
    as he mangled one line after another,
[19:52] ---
    and he'd end up
    not being able to ask her out at all!
[19:54] ---
    You're absolutely right about that!
[19:55] ---
    What's wrong with that?
[20:00] ---
    The first time Tsubasa asked me out
    on a date... Seriously...
[20:03] ---
    Hey! Please don't go there!
[20:06] ---
    Oh, why not?
[20:08] ---
    Well, that was my first time,
    so I was super nervous!
[20:11] ---
    I couldn't tell if he was trying
    to ask me out or trying to kiss me!
[20:16] ---
    Come on!
[20:17] ---
    MAKING OUT
    MAKING OUT
[20:17] ---
    Nagisa!
[20:18] ---
    Don't you care what's going to happen
    to these sweet cheeks of yours?
[20:20] ---
    Would you mind
    not staring at me in silence?
[20:26] ---
    If you need an excuse to ask her, why don't you
    invite her to the project of your class?
[20:31] ---
    Hey, I think that'll work!
[20:33] ---
    Was it a haunted house?
[20:34] ---
    That's right. A Horror House.
[20:37] ---
    Sounds good!
[20:38] ---
    I heard that Tsubame Koyasu is into horror.
[20:41] ---
    Are you serious?
[20:42] ---
    I heard about it from a friend.
[20:44] ---
    Apparently, two girls got locked
    into a broom closet there for about five minutes,
[20:47] ---
    - Let us out!
    - Let us out!
[20:47] ---
    and it was the most terrifying thing ever!
[20:53] ---
    Well, that's the kind
    of attraction-type Horror House it is.
[20:57] ---
    In other words, you could be alone together
    for five minutes in a closed room, right?
[21:01] ---
    She might grab your hand out of fear...
[21:01] ---
    GRAB
[21:04] ---
    SQUEEZE
[21:04] ---
    or even throw her arms around you!
[21:06] ---
    Nooooo!
[21:08] ---
    If you go as a couple,
    you're guaranteed to have a blast!
[21:11] ---
    True!
[21:12] ---
    Hey, that sounds fun!
[21:14] ---
    We should go, too!
[21:15] ---
    Yeah, let's go!
[21:16] ---
    Hey, do you think it's really scary?
[21:18] ---
    By the way, can three people
    enter this attraction at the same time?
[21:21] ---
    The answer is, you'd have to split up
    into groups of two and one.
[21:24] ---
    Is that right?
[21:25] ---
    That was the second-years'
    Soranbushi performance!
[21:27] ---
    Poor Miss Mood Swings...
[21:30] ---
    All right.
[21:31] ---
    Okay, I'm going on my break now, too!
[21:35] ---
    If anything happens, Line me.
[21:37] ---
    All right, go on!
[21:39] ---
    Tsubame?
[21:40] ---
    But... But...
[21:40] ---
    Hmm? Huh?
[21:41] ---
    There's something I'd like to confirm.
[21:42] ---
    You'll be fine!
[21:44] ---
    If it doesn't work out,
    then I'll go with you.
[21:48] ---
    Either way, it's a win-win, right?
[21:50] ---
    Actually, if you fail,
    you'll end up with the better deal!
[21:54] ---
    Let's go, Maki!
[21:54] ---
    But that doesn't mean
    you should fail on purpose, got that?
[21:57] ---
    It's not like I have a lot of free time!
[21:59] ---
    Miss Mood Swings sure is a nice person.
[22:03] ---
    Yeah, that looks good to me.
[22:05] ---
    Thank you so much!
[22:08] ---
    Ts-Tsubame...
[22:10] ---
    Hmm?
[22:11] ---
    Yu!
[22:13] ---
    What's up?
[22:14] ---
    Um... See...
[22:21] ---
    Our class is doing a Horror House,
[22:25] ---
    and it's a pretty good one, too, so...
[22:28] ---
    So, Tsubame,
[22:30] ---
    I heard that you're into
    scary stuff, so if you'd like...
[22:34] ---
    What?
[22:36] ---
    Sure! I'll go!
[22:41] ---
    You're on your break now, too, right, Yu?
    Let's go together!
[22:45] ---
    Okay!
[22:47] ---
    All right! I did it, Shijo! Shinomiya!
[22:53] ---
    ENTRANCE
[22:54] ---
    Put on your eye masks,
    and the staff will guide you inside.
[22:57] ---
    What? Sounds scary!
[22:59] ---
    Really, you're such a child, Nagisa.
    If this isn't mere kid stuff, I don't know what is.
[23:04] ---
    Help!
[23:05] ---
    I really, really can't deal with scary stuff!
[23:08] ---
    Auntie! I mean, Big Sister!
[23:10] ---
    What? What is it, Maki?
[23:12] ---
    Please, let's go in together!
[23:14] ---
    I'm positive that it'll be fun!
[23:16] ---
    What? I'm not going in there!
    I'm not fond of being scared!
[23:21] ---
    Next episode... The first-years
    attack Kaguya and Maki!
[23:25] ---
    - Yo.
    - Whoa! Go home! Get a job!
[23:27] ---
    You'd better not have pulled
    any weird stunts!
[23:27] ---
    DON'T
    WORRY,
    I HAVEN'T
[23:29] ---
    He has.

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E10 - Kozue Makihara Wants to Have Fun

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] ---
    See, Chokiko...
[01:34] ---
    had slightly misshapen ears.
[01:38] ---
    And that's why
    she was envious beyond belief...
[01:42] ---
    of girls who had beautiful ears.
[01:46] ---
    If only I had ears like that, too.
[01:49] ---
    I want those ears.
[01:51] ---
    I want...
[01:53] ---
    I want...
[01:55] ---
    I want...
[01:56] ---
    I want... I want! I want!
[02:00] ---
    Hey, give me those ears of yours.
[02:05] ---
    So, when Chokiko saw
    someone with lovely ears...
[02:10] ---
    she'd snip them off with scissors.
[02:13] ---
    KOZUE MAKIHARA
    WANTS TO HAVE FUN
[02:14] ---
    What am I doing here?
[02:16] ---
    What's wrong? Are you scared?
[02:19] ---
    You're such a coward, Auntie!
[02:21] ---
    TREMBLE
    TREMBLE
[02:21] ---
    Th-There's no way around it!
[02:22] ---
    I'll just have to hold
    your hand!
[02:25] ---
    As if I'd ever hold the hand of a Shijo!
[02:28] ---
    SQUEEZE
[02:28] ---
    Just for today!
[02:29] ---
    Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
[02:30] ---
    Ah...
[02:31] ---
    It's Chokiko who's making those sounds.
[02:33] ---
    Everybody, hide in these lockers.
[02:36] ---
    Once you're inside, put on these headphones
    and eye masks, and wait.
[02:39] ---
    Why is that necessary?
[02:41] ---
    The 3D Sound Horror House.
[02:41] ---
    CHOKIKO'S
    CLASSROOM
[02:41] ---
    3D SOUND
    HORROR HOUSE
[02:44] ---
    Chokiko's Classroom.
[02:46] ---
    A collaboration between classes 1-A and 1-B,
    the first half is a haunted house...
[02:51] ---
    while the second half
    is an immersive 3D sound experience.
[02:56] ---
    EMERGENCY
[02:56] ---
    There were many twists and turns
    along the way before it took its final form.
[03:00] ---
    Uh...
[03:02] ---
    We've made less than 50% progress
    on the haunted house.
[03:05] ---
    To be honest, we're screwed.
[03:07] ---
    We won't make the deadline
    unless we switch projects.
[03:10] ---
    Does anyone have any ideas?
[03:12] ---
    The only option is to shorten the route
    by a lot, don't you think?
[03:15] ---
    Maybe turn half of it into a café?
[03:18] ---
    Ishigami? Anything?
[03:20] ---
    Huh? Me?
[03:22] ---
    Hmm, let's see.
[03:25] ---
    What about sound?
[03:26] ---
    Sound?
[03:27] ---
    You know, like at amusement parks.
[03:29] ---
    3D SOUND
[03:29] ---
    Those attractions where you hear 3D sound.
[03:29] ---
    MURDER
[03:32] ---
    You mean binaural sound?
[03:34] ---
    Are you knowledgeable about this, Iino?
[03:36] ---
    Well, I wouldn't call myself knowledgeable.
[03:39] ---
    We're talking about audio that sounds like it's
    in 3D because of the way it's been recorded.
[03:44] ---
    It's so realistic, you would swear
    that you were actually there...
[03:47] ---
    Cute...
[03:48] ---
    Cuter...
[03:49] ---
    As if someone were really
    whispering in your ear.
[03:50] ---
    Cutest...
[03:52] ---
    And it's utterly—
[03:53] ---
    Stop, Miko.
[03:55] ---
    If you say another word,
    you'll only regret it.
[03:58] ---
    The only thing is, we'd need special equipment
    for that, and since we only have a week—
[04:02] ---
    It's doable.
[04:03] ---
    CLASS 1-A
    PRESIDENT-FOR-LIFE
    TABLETOP GAME CLUB
    KOZUE MAKIHARA
[04:04] ---
    Just leave it to me, and it'll all work out!
[04:07] ---
    Binaural sounds are recordings
    of tones that echo in a complex manner
[04:11] ---
    through the ear canals and the skull.
[04:13] ---
    BINAURAL DUMMY HEAD
[04:14] ---
    That's why you need a special dummy head
    and ear-shaped microphones.
[04:17] ---
    APPROX. 1 MILLION YEN
[04:18] ---
    But there's an easier way to do it.
[04:22] ---
    All we need to do
    is place mics in Iino's ears!
[04:25] ---
    Why does it have to be me?
[04:26] ---
    Why do I have to submit
    to something like this?
[04:29] ---
    I have hypersensitive ears!
    There's no way I can take this!
[04:33] ---
    What a coincidence.
    I'm the same way.
[04:37] ---
    Nooooo!
[04:38] ---
    Stop it! Don't cut off my ears!
[04:41] ---
    RECORDING STUDIO
[04:41] ---
    RECORDING IN SESSION
[04:42] ---
    Hold up! You're not really
    going to cut them off, are you?
[04:45] ---
    Anyway, untie me!
[04:47] ---
    If you struggle, you could mess me up,
    and I might really end up cutting them off.
[04:52] ---
    But first things first.
[04:54] ---
    Let me roast your ears with this match.
[05:02] ---
    Juuust...
[05:03] ---
    kidding!
[05:05] ---
    Such lovely ears as yours...
[05:08] ---
    No way would I burn them!
[05:12] ---
    Oh my, I can't hold back any longer!
[05:15] ---
    I'm just going to dig in!
[05:31] ---
    How is this even necessary?
[05:33] ---
    I've had enough! I quit!
[05:35] ---
    Thanks for a hearty meal.
[05:37] ---
    Hey, Miko, just hold on a little longer!
[05:39] ---
    F-Fujiwara!
[05:41] ---
    You're here, Fujiwara?
[05:43] ---
    That's right!
[05:44] ---
    Iino, all this time, you've been...
[05:49] ---
    emitting weird sounds
    in front of your idol Fujiwara.
[05:55] ---
    I know all about it, you know.
[05:57] ---
    What that healing music of yours is like.
[06:01] ---
    You love this kind of thing, don't you?
[06:04] ---
    No!
[06:06] ---
    I'm not that kind of weird girl!
[06:11] ---
    Now, now, just be honest!
[06:13] ---
    Aren't we veering off-script here?
[06:15] ---
    RECORDING STUDIO
[06:15] ---
    RECORDING IN SESSION
[06:17] ---
    It's finally over.
[06:20] ---
    I'm never doing anything
    like this again, all right?
[06:22] ---
    Hey, my bad.
[06:24] ---
    I can't hear any of what we just recorded,
    thanks to your screaming, Miko.
[06:29] ---
    Retake, please.
[06:31] ---
    Retake, please.
[06:35] ---
    Nooooo!
[06:41] ---
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
    COMMITTEE
[06:43] ---
    So I got Tsubame to come with me!
[06:46] ---
    Our Horror House is totally effective,
[06:49] ---
    so she's going to get scared
    for sure! And then...
[06:53] ---
    GRAB
[06:54] ---
    I'll be alone with her in a closed room!
[06:55] ---
    SQUEEZE
[06:56] ---
    Nooooo!
[06:58] ---
    This has to mean I'm in the victory zone!
[07:04] ---
    Thank you very much.
    The exit is that way.
[07:08] ---
    Everyone seems terrified, huh?
[07:10] ---
    So I guess it was worth
    doing all those retakes.
[07:13] ---
    In the end, we had to duct-tape your mouth
    shut to get the recording, didn't we?
[07:18] ---
    Huh?
[07:19] ---
    Excuse me, is there a problem?
[07:27] ---
    Oh!
[07:30] ---
    This is it, Tsubame.
[07:32] ---
    We just have to wait in line here, and—
[07:34] ---
    Huh?
[07:35] ---
    WOMEN
[07:35] ---
    MEN
[07:36] ---
    What the...
[07:38] ---
    THIS ATTRACTION
    IS NOT A PLACE FOR
    ILLICIT INTIMATE RELATIONS
    (THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE)
[07:39] ---
    Separate lines for men and women,
    if you please.
[07:41] ---
    If you please.
[07:43] ---
    The first day of the culture festival...
[07:45] ---
    No closed room for Ishigami.
[07:49] ---
    Hey, Auntie...
[07:50] ---
    Hold my hand...
[07:52] ---
    You're still scared?
[07:54] ---
    Wow!
[07:55] ---
    So this is your student council room, Chika?
[07:56] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO UNMASK
[07:58] ---
    It's shabby compared to yours, right?
[08:01] ---
    We don't even have
    an air conditioner or heater here.
[08:04] ---
    MIDDLE SCHOOL
    STUDENT COUNCIL
    VICE PRESIDENT
    MOEHA FUJIWARA
[08:04] ---
    Isn't that a good thing though?
[08:06] ---
    You're setting an example
    by being frugal after all.
[08:10] ---
    So this is the student council
    president's desk, huh?
[08:14] ---
    Moeha, don't tell me you've got
    the student council president in your sights!
[08:19] ---
    Well, well! You're asking for it, then!
[08:22] ---
    The high school council has way more tasks
    than the middle school one...
[08:26] ---
    - not to mention all the responsibilities—
    - No!
[08:28] ---
    What I have in my sights...
[08:31] ---
    is President Shirogane!
[08:33] ---
    You're really asking for it!
[08:35] ---
    Are you serious, Moeha?
[08:36] ---
    When did you ever cross paths
    with President?
[08:38] ---
    Well, I saw him for the first time
    during the middle school culture festival,
[08:42] ---
    and he couldn't have been more my type!
[08:45] ---
    I mean, I'd heard all about him from Kei.
[08:47] ---
    MY BROTHER
    IS SO ANNOYING
[08:48] ---
    She's always bragging about him,
    so I knew he had to be a great big brother.
[08:48] ---
    TALKING DOWN
    TO ME AGAIN
[08:49] ---
    WHO DOES HE
    THINK HE IS?
[08:52] ---
    So I guess you wouldn't really
    call it "love at first sight."
[08:57] ---
    But anyway, I've fallen hard for him!
[09:00] ---
    J-Just take a moment to breathe, Moeha!
[09:02] ---
    I assure you, he's not
    the normal guy you think he is.
[09:06] ---
    What? What's wrong with him?
[09:08] ---
    It's hard for me to explain it
    in a simple way.
[09:12] ---
    For starters, he stinks at volleyball!
[09:14] ---
    Well, although he did overcome that by practicing.
[09:18] ---
    If he overcame it,
    then what's the problem?
[09:20] ---
    H-He's a horrible singer
    and a horrible dancer,
[09:23] ---
    but he did work hard
    to overcome that!
[09:25] ---
    Then, so what?
[09:27] ---
    You don't get it!
[09:28] ---
    That's not what this is about!
[09:30] ---
    He can't prep a fish for cooking!
[09:31] ---
    He can't rap!
[09:33] ---
    He can't blow up balloons!
[09:35] ---
    But he works hard
    until he gets the hang of it!
[09:37] ---
    Right, so if he gets the hang
    of things, it's all good!
[09:40] ---
    It's not like that!
[09:41] ---
    I mean, doesn't he get
    extra points for his work ethic?
[09:44] ---
    I think I love him even more now!
[09:46] ---
    You have no idea!
[09:47] ---
    Once you have a hand in those efforts of his,
    you'll realize right away that I was right!
[09:52] ---
    Bottom line, I don't want
    my little sister to suffer like I did!
[09:58] ---
    But I'll never know unless I give it a try!
[10:01] ---
    If you're going to be so stubborn,
    then you should meet him once!
[10:04] ---
    You won't believe
    how fast your fever will fade.
[10:07] ---
    Are you talking about me?
[10:08] ---
    Whoa!
[10:09] ---
    P-President, what are you doing here?
[10:11] ---
    I thought I'd take a little break.
[10:14] ---
    And who's this?
[10:15] ---
    Oh, this is my little sister.
[10:17] ---
    I'm Moeha Fujiwara, the vice president
    of the middle school student council!
[10:20] ---
    Thank you for always
    looking after my sister!
[10:23] ---
    Oh, right.
[10:24] ---
    Hey, thanks for always being
    a good friend to my little sister.
[10:27] ---
    No, please—
[10:28] ---
    President!
[10:29] ---
    Why don't you juggle some beanbags?
[10:31] ---
    What? That's right out of left field.
[10:33] ---
    Go on!
[10:34] ---
    I just want to show my sister the real you!
[10:37] ---
    Juggling, huh? You know,
    I'm just a little inept at that.
[10:40] ---
    No worries!
[10:42] ---
    I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
[10:45] ---
    Moeha, hell is about to start now, okay?
[10:49] ---
    Does hell just start so casually, then?
[10:52] ---
    Okay, I'm ready to start, but—
[11:05] ---
    - Moeha...
    - Oh!
[11:06] ---
    TEA
[11:07] ---
    Could you toss that bottle my way?
[11:08] ---
    Uh, okay!
[11:10] ---
    Wow! Amazing!
[11:13] ---
    How can you just do that?
[11:15] ---
    This isn't how it works!
[11:16] ---
    Normally, you're all "Whoaaa!" and all "Ughhh!"
[11:19] ---
    And you turn
    into a dead alpaca, remember?
[11:21] ---
    You're the last living creature who should
    be expected to have that kind of dexterity!
[11:25] ---
    Uh, I have no idea
    what you're talking about.
[11:28] ---
    My grandma...
[11:29] ---
    can juggle up to eight beanbags.
[11:32] ---
    I'm ashamed to admit
    that this is the best I can do!
[11:35] ---
    It's more than enough!
    What kind of person is your grandma?
[11:38] ---
    Do something else!
[11:39] ---
    SNAP
[11:40] ---
    TWIRL
[11:41] ---
    BAM
[11:42] ---
    STOMP
    STOMP
[11:42] ---
    Nooooo! It's not
    supposed to be like this!
[11:44] ---
    President Shirogane can do
    anything! He's so wonderful!
[11:49] ---
    Oh, come on!
[11:50] ---
    How can you do this when you could never do
    the other stuff? I feel so deceived!
[11:57] ---
    Whoa!
[11:58] ---
    Are you all right?
[12:04] ---
    Are you all right?
[12:07] ---
    My Sweet Prince...
[12:09] ---
    Step away from her!
[12:10] ---
    You step away from my sister!
[12:14] ---
    You're swamped with work, aren't you?
    Just get out of here already!
[12:17] ---
    Now!
[12:17] ---
    Moeha, feel free to make yourself at home.
[12:21] ---
    Okay.
[12:28] ---
    President Shirogane
    is as wonderful as I thought.
[12:32] ---
    I didn't get a chance
    to give him this though.
[12:35] ---
    What didn't you get a chance to give him?
[12:38] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[12:40] ---
    Hey! Kaguya!
[12:42] ---
    Um, you see...
[12:44] ---
    A Hoshin Culture Festival gift
    for President, perhaps?
[12:49] ---
    Well...
[12:50] ---
    Tainted bloodline.
[12:52] ---
    Both sisters swarming
    around the nectar that is President...
[12:55] ---
    What are you, insects?
[12:57] ---
    Insects must be exterminated.
[13:00] ---
    Moeha, you're still in middle school, right?
[13:03] ---
    Isn't it a bit too early to be contemplating
    a relationship with a boy?
[13:07] ---
    Um...
[13:08] ---
    President himself
    would never date a child.
[13:10] ---
    Until you've grown
    into a more mature, womanly body—
[13:19] ---
    Until you've grown to become
    a woman mature in spirit, you must wait.
[13:24] ---
    In the first place,
    you've never even met him before!
[13:27] ---
    Just what is it about him
    that you love, I wonder!
[13:31] ---
    Well...
[13:32] ---
    First of all, his grades!
[13:35] ---
    Because I adore intelligent people!
[13:37] ---
    I see.
[13:38] ---
    So you were drawn
    by President's potential?
[13:41] ---
    Your mind is just dripping with vulgarity!
[13:44] ---
    And also his face!
[13:47] ---
    A female if I ever saw one!
    As soon as she hears of a hot male—
[13:50] ---
    And those eyes of his...
[13:52] ---
    Aren't they amazing?
[13:56] ---
    Exhausted eyes are the mark of hard work.
[13:58] ---
    You can tell at a glance
    that he gives everything his all!
[14:04] ---
    I look at President Shirogane's face,
    and it's suffused with...
[14:09] ---
    with humanity, which I like.
[14:11] ---
    You understand him so well!
[14:14] ---
    Wh-What other things
    do you like about him?
[14:14] ---
    "C"
[14:17] ---
    Um...
[14:18] ---
    How he's so kind and sincere!
[14:21] ---
    You understand him so well!
[14:23] ---
    What else? What else?
[14:24] ---
    Let's see!
[14:27] ---
    The joy of sharing what one likes
    about one's crush for the first time
[14:31] ---
    has miraculously exceeded
    her animosity toward her rival in love.
[14:36] ---
    Well, it's just a capricious
    middle school girl's crush.
[14:40] ---
    No need for me to get so incensed.
[14:40] ---
    "CURSE"
[14:43] ---
    If it had been any other girl,
    who knows what I would've done?
[14:47] ---
    Even I have no idea.
[14:49] ---
    The first day of Chika Fujiwara's
    culture festival...
[14:52] ---
    Descent into gore, averted.
[14:56] ---
    If I told her,
    "I slept with your
     big brother"...
[14:57] ---
    I wonder what Kei
    would be like...
[14:58] ---
    THE FUJIWARA FAMILY'S
    SECOND DAUGHTER
    IS SOMETHING
    OF A PSYCHOPATH
[15:02] ---
    SOCCER TEAM
    KICK THE TARGET
[15:06] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S
    CULTURE FESTIVAL
[15:09] ---
    Well, that was a long talk.
[15:12] ---
    And I never did get a chance
    to give him this.
[15:16] ---
    Giving someone a heart-shaped gift
    at the Hoshin Culture Festival
[15:19] ---
    will bring you eternal love.
[15:25] ---
    I wonder if Ishigami's plan is working out.
[15:29] ---
    Wasn't that terrifying?
[15:31] ---
    What do you call that kind of thing?
[15:34] ---
    I hear it's called "binaural."
[15:38] ---
    Oh, crap! Thanks to Iino, my plan
    to get up close and personal went up in flames!
[15:42] ---
    BROOD BROOD
[15:42] ---
    And now, Tsubame
    is going to head back to work!
[15:46] ---
    Hey! Yu!
[15:48] ---
    CLASS 3-A
    GREEN DAY
[15:49] ---
    This is the project of my class!
    Stop by, will you?
[15:52] ---
    Huh? O-O-Of course,
    I wouldn't mind doing that!
[15:55] ---
    Looks like I made her feel sorry for me.
[15:58] ---
    Good work!
[15:58] ---
    I wish I could do something to thank her.
[16:00] ---
    Is everyone having a blast?
[16:01] ---
    Hey!
[16:02] ---
    Look at that gigantic cookie!
[16:04] ---
    What you see is what you get!
[16:06] ---
    I baked it as a prank,
    but it's a beauty, don't you think?
[16:07] ---
    PRIZES
[16:07] ---
    GREEN
    DAY
[16:09] ---
    Looks good!
[16:11] ---
    It would be such a great gift!
[16:14] ---
    Hey, Yu, have you gone
    to any festivals this sum—
[16:17] ---
    Huh?
[16:18] ---
    We have a perfect score, people!
[16:20] ---
    What? That's awesome!
[16:22] ---
    Was I able to save face
    as the second son of a toy company owner?
[16:26] ---
    Are you serious? What do you mean?
[16:28] ---
    I seem to have momentum
    on my side today!
[16:30] ---
    All right!
[16:31] ---
    LONG
    FIRECRACKERS
[16:32] ---
    You can have any prize
    of your choosing.
[16:34] ---
    Okay, then I'll take that big cookie.
[16:36] ---
    There goes the giant cookie!
[16:39] ---
    Yu, can you eat that huge cookie
    all by yourself?
[16:42] ---
    No, actually...
[16:45] ---
    Tsubame...
[16:48] ---
    Will you accept this?
[16:55] ---
    90% of the students here
    are only too aware what it means
[17:00] ---
    to give someone
    a heart at the culture festival.
[17:02] ---
    However, the remaining 10%,
    as a matter of course...
[17:06] ---
    It seemed like she wanted this,
    so good thing I was able to win it!
[17:10] ---
    Um...
[17:11] ---
    What...
[17:14] ---
    does this mean?
[17:16] ---
    There can only be one meaning, right?
[17:19] ---
    This is...
[17:23] ---
    to show how I feel about you!
[17:24] ---
    PUBLIC CONFESSION
[17:25] ---
    It's 100% a public confession!
[17:31] ---
    If it's going to be a problem,
    I'll eat it myself.
[17:33] ---
    H-Hey, it's not a problem at all!
[17:39] ---
    I-I'm really happy to have it...
[17:43] ---
    but...
[17:44] ---
    Sorry!
[17:45] ---
    Just give me a little time to think!
[17:48] ---
    Oh my.
[17:50] ---
    Huh?
[17:50] ---
    Ishigami has a crush on Koyasu?
[17:53] ---
    You never noticed?
[17:55] ---
    He wasn't exactly subtle about it.
[17:58] ---
    This isn't good!
[18:00] ---
    If this confession doesn't pan out,
[18:01] ---
    it could jeopardize the entire
    "Make Shinomiya Confess Plan"!
[18:06] ---
    If he succeeds,
    everyone will be happy.
[18:09] ---
    No issues whatsoever.
[18:12] ---
    But if he fails,
[18:15] ---
    Ishigami will most likely end up
    deeply wounded and dejected.
[18:19] ---
    Meaning that we'll all be cheering him up
[18:22] ---
    and joining him in his sorrow.
[18:26] ---
    And who could confess or make
    someone confess with all that going on?
[18:30] ---
    Self-imposed restraint on romance!
[18:32] ---
    When someone in your inner circle
    suffers a tragedy or a breakup,
[18:34] ---
    and particularly when it's a friend...
[18:36] ---
    who's going through a breakup,
[18:36] ---
    BREAKUP
[18:38] ---
    those around that friend rush to give support,
    attuning themselves to the sorrow.
[18:41] ---
    Creating a mode much like mourning,
    an air of self-imposed restraint on romance!
[18:46] ---
    If Ishigami's confession goes sideways,
[18:48] ---
    then the odds of Shinomiya
    confessing to me will be close to zero!
[18:52] ---
    Even if I'm the one who confesses...
[18:56] ---
    Right now, I can't allow myself
    to be the only one who finds bliss.
[19:03] ---
    Try to read the room, will you?
[19:06] ---
    At this rate, my whole plan
    could be destroyed!
[19:08] ---
    Ishigami will have to succeed
    no matter what! That's all!
[19:13] ---
    What do you think, Fujiwara?
[19:15] ---
    Do you think his confession will work out?
[19:17] ---
    SNICKER SNICKER
[19:18] ---
    Not a chance!
[19:20] ---
    He's asking the Madonna
    of the third-years!
[19:22] ---
    Ishigami doesn't have a prayer!
[19:26] ---
    Then, what do you think needs to happen
    for Ishigami's confession to succeed?
[19:30] ---
    Hmm...
[19:31] ---
    To determine whether you see the other person
    as a love interest or not,
[19:35] ---
    you usually go by deducting points.
[19:38] ---
    In other words, all we need to do
    is squash Ishigami's flaws starting now?
[19:42] ---
    But that would only finally place him
    into consideration, really.
[19:46] ---
    Since Ishigami tends to lack
    common sense somewhat.
[19:51] ---
    And so,
[19:52] ---
    THIS IS WHAT'S WRONG
    WITH ISHIGAMI!!
[19:52] ---
    I've taken the liberty
    of listing all of Ishigami's flaws!
[19:56] ---
    This doesn't include the fact
    that his bangs are annoying.
[19:59] ---
    You brought all of that
    on yourself, you know.
[20:02] ---
    At the very least,
    Ishigami treats me with common sense.
[20:06] ---
    All right, what is this?
[20:06] ---
    SULK SULK
[20:07] ---
    Are you implying that Ishigami's behavior toward
    me is vile because I have no common sense?
[20:11] ---
    Probably, but yeah, that's it.
[20:13] ---
    Then let me ask you this!
    What do you think Ishigami's flaws are?
[20:18] ---
    Ishigami's flaws, huh?
[20:21] ---
    That would be his lack of confidence, I'd say.
[20:23] ---
    Lack of confidence?
[20:25] ---
    Whatever he does, he's hesitant,
[20:28] ---
    and he's always a beat behind
    when he speaks.
[20:31] ---
    Oh, well, there's a direct correlation
    to that. What you've succeeded at.
[20:35] ---
    For you, it's your grades.
[20:37] ---
    For me, it's my experiences playing piano.
[20:39] ---
    If you have the memory
    of having accomplished something,
[20:42] ---
    a little humiliation doesn't bother you!
[20:44] ---
    I see, so it was your piano playing
    that caused you to...
[20:50] ---
    What you've succeeded at, huh?
[20:52] ---
    Let's just hope that this turns out
    to be a success for Ishigami.
[20:57] ---
    For someone who trashed him so relentlessly,
    you actually sound caring.
[21:00] ---
    Lately, thanks to you-know-who,
    I can sound somewhat verbally abusive,
[21:04] ---
    but it's not as if I dislike you all.
[21:08] ---
    Well, although it's a fact that as males,
    both you and Ishigami are industrial waste-level.
[21:13] ---
    Don't you think
    you're being overly abusive now?
[21:16] ---
    But in terms of point-addition,
    you're pretty decent as men.
[21:21] ---
    At least that's my personal opinion.
[21:24] ---
    Well, thanks.
[21:27] ---
    Well, let's just hope that Tsubame takes
    the point-addition approach with Ishigami.
[21:32] ---
    The right thing to do
    is to watch over him sympathetically, right?
[21:37] ---
    Agreed.
[21:40] ---
    I'm counting on you, Ishigami.
[21:41] ---
    If you go down, we go down.
[21:45] ---
    And so...
[21:46] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    "MAKE SHINOMIYA CONFESS PLAN"
    IN PROGRESS
[21:46] ---
    with various emotions swirling about,
[21:49] ---
    MIKO IINO
    PLANNING THE CAMPFIRE EVENT
[21:49] ---
    the sun sets on the first day
    of the culture festival.
[21:50] ---
    YU ISHIGAMI
    WAITING FOR THE RESULT
    OF HIS UNWITTING CONFESSION
[21:52] ---
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
    CONSIDERING
    WHETHER OR NOT
    TO CONFESS
[21:53] ---
    CHIKA FUJIWARA
    "THIS COTTON CANDY IS YUM!"
[23:28] ---
    THE FINAL DAY OF THE HOSHIN CULTURE FESTIVAL
[23:36] ---
    Karen! What on earth happened?
[23:38] ---
    - This is serious.
    - Huh?
[23:40] ---
    The decorations...
[23:41] ---
    All those heart-shaped
    balloons that were up...
[23:44] ---
    CUPID TAKOYAKI
    WITH HEART-SHAPED
    KAMABOKO INSIDE
[23:44] ---
    FRUIT CANDY
    200 YEN
[23:44] ---
    CREPES
[23:44] ---
    Now every one of them
    has vanished from this school!
[23:48] ---
    As the culture festival of love and chaos
    heads into its latter half,
[23:51] ---
    the wheels start turning!
[23:55] ---
    THAT DARNED TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!
[23:57] ---
    Karen jumps to this conclusion.

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E11 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Make Her Confess, Part 4

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    Day 2 of the culture festival,
[00:03] ---
    the final day.
[00:04] ---
    NOSTALGIC
    PENNY CANDIES
[00:06] ---
    "LIKE A MAN"
    STUDENT COUNCIL
    PRESIDENT
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    SPEAKS PROFOUNDLY
[00:10] ---
    "Like a man"?
[00:15] ---
    Oh!
[00:16] ---
    Shinomiya...
[00:20] ---
    Oh!
[00:21] ---
    BEST COUPLE BORN OUT OF NOWHERE!?
[00:22] ---
    Be my girl.
[00:24] ---
    No matter how hard you resist, you'll never escape me.
[00:26] ---
    MODERN-DAY
    ROMEO AND JULIET
    A LOVE THAT
    TRANSCENDS
    SOCIAL STANDING
[00:29] ---
    Extra!
[00:31] ---
    Extra, extra!
[00:32] ---
    Extra, extra!
[00:34] ---
    EXTRA!
    THE SHUCHIIN TIMES
    PHANTOM THIEF AT LARGE
    AT SHUCHIIN ACADEMY!!
    THE LOST HEART-SHAPED BALLOONS
    WHO WOULD DO THIS? AND WHY?
[00:35] ---
    Oh my.
[00:37] ---
    "Phantom thief"?
[00:42] ---
    We have an extra for you!
[00:46] ---
    PHANTOM THIEF AT LARGE
    AT SHUCHIIN ACADEMY!!
[00:48] ---
    This can't be anything
    but a challenge thrown down to me!
[00:54] ---
    All those heart-shaped balloons
    I passed around...
[00:56] ---
    FIRST ATTEMPT
    AT THE CULTURE FESTIVAL
[00:56] ---
    THE SHUCHIIN TIMES
[00:57] ---
    have all been stolen overnight!
[01:00] ---
    Not only that...
[01:01] ---
    but at each crime scene, a card...
[01:02] ---
    I've come to claim your heart.
[01:04] ---
    I've come to claim your heart. Arsène.
[01:07] ---
    ...and replacement balloons were left behind!
[01:07] ---
    50-PACK
[01:10] ---
    Is he modeling himself after Arsène Lupin?
[01:13] ---
    And these replacement balloons...
[01:16] ---
    That is actually...
[01:18] ---
    the true message!
[01:20] ---
    This thief isn't after money
    or to hurt anyone.
[01:24] ---
    He's telling us that this is a game!
[01:28] ---
    BALLOON ART
[01:28] ---
    I'm going to catch
    this phantom thief, no matter what!
[01:31] ---
    Fujiwara!
[01:33] ---
    President...
[01:35] ---
    Are you sure it's okay
    to let her run wild?
[01:36] ---
    It's fine.
[01:41] ---
    Every festival could do
    with a little commotion, don't you think?
[03:15] ---
    YAKISOBA VS. HOT DOGS
    200 YEN
[03:16] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS
    TO MAKE HER CONFESS, PART 4
[03:18] ---
    GOURMET FOODS
    FROM AROUND
    THE GLOBE
    WORLD TOUR
[03:21] ---
    Stare...
[03:26] ---
    Auntie?
[03:28] ---
    Whatever are you doing here?
[03:30] ---
    BALLOON
    ART
[03:31] ---
    A sword would suit you
    so much better, Auntie.
[03:34] ---
    I'd be happy to craft
    something more fitting for you!
[03:37] ---
    No, thank you.
[03:39] ---
    I know you think it wouldn't matter
    if you were slipshod about making me something.
[03:43] ---
    What? I'll always pour my soul
    into making something, no matter who it's for!
[03:48] ---
    I respectfully decline.
[03:50] ---
    Maki! We'll have someone else
    look after Kaguya, okay?
[03:56] ---
    All I wanted was to thank Auntie
    for yesterday!
[03:59] ---
    Then you should've just said so
    instead of being so perverse.
[04:02] ---
    Here! All done!
[04:05] ---
    Looks like President's free now,
    so please head that way—
[04:08] ---
    What? President?
[04:09] ---
    HUMPH
[04:09] ---
    Not that I had any preference
    as to whom I would be served by,
[04:14] ---
    but since President
    coincidentally finds himself free now,
[04:18] ---
    In terms of being perverse,
    she and Maki could be twins.
[04:18] ---
    I suppose it can't be helped, can it?
[04:24] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya. So you came?
[04:28] ---
    I'm glad it's during my shift.
[04:30] ---
    Y-Yes! What a coincidence, right?
[04:33] ---
    All that commotion over the phantom thief
    reminded me that you were doing balloon art.
[04:37] ---
    Then I have the phantom thief
    to thank, huh?
[04:40] ---
    So what can I make for you?
[04:41] ---
    BALLOON ART FOR BEGINNERS
    INTRODUCTION
[04:42] ---
    I can handle anything in this book.
[04:45] ---
    Anything would be fine with me, but—
[04:48] ---
    A-A heart?
[04:48] ---
    BALLOON ART FOR BEGINNERS
    INTRODUCTION
[04:51] ---
    300
    YEN
[04:51] ---
    100
    YEN
[04:51] ---
    MORE THAN
    2 BALLOONS
[04:51] ---
    1 BALLOON
[04:51] ---
    PRICE LIST
[04:51] ---
    RECOMMENDED!!
[04:51] ---
    Even though
    I'll have to buy it...
[04:53] ---
    it's my chance to be handed
    a heart from President!
[04:56] ---
    W-Well, then...
[04:58] ---
    No!
[04:58] ---
    Hold on a second!
[05:00] ---
    Please give me a heart!
[05:02] ---
    You want a heart?
[05:05] ---
    In other words, you're so smitten with me
    that you want me to confess?
[05:09] ---
    Meaning that...
[05:15] ---
    Oh! That would be the same
    as me confessing to him!
[05:18] ---
    What an ingenious trap!
[05:20] ---
    I came this close to falling into it!
[05:24] ---
    Have you decided?
[05:25] ---
    Let's see.
[05:27] ---
    I'd appreciate it if you could make
    some suggestions, President.
[05:30] ---
    My suggestions, huh?
[05:32] ---
    Do you have something in mind?
[05:34] ---
    Rabbit ears would be embarrassing,
    so I'd like to avoid those.
[05:38] ---
    And it'd be sad to see them after they've withered,
    so that rules out animals.
[05:42] ---
    But something girlish and adorable.
[05:44] ---
    Also, I would prefer something
    in either red or pink.
[05:46] ---
    That's really narrowing it down.
[05:48] ---
    Under these conditions,
    the only remaining option will be a heart!
[05:52] ---
    Then how about a flower?
[05:53] ---
    I consider flowers to be animals.
[05:55] ---
    Come on, aren't flowers plants?
[05:57] ---
    No, since flowers also move by opening up
    and closing, they are animals in my eyes.
[06:02] ---
    So all living things are a no-no.
[06:04] ---
    Okay, what about a ribbon?
[06:05] ---
    I'm already wearing a ribbon as you can see!
[06:07] ---
    Or a pink sword?
[06:08] ---
    And why should it be pink?
[06:10] ---
    President...
[06:11] ---
    What about something like this heart?
[06:13] ---
    Hmm.
[06:15] ---
    So you'd be okay with a heart?
[06:16] ---
    W-Well, I suppose that would
    meet all of my criteria!
[06:20] ---
    Fine.
[06:21] ---
    Yes!
[06:22] ---
    Miss Kashiwagi!
[06:23] ---
    You are truly the soul of tact!
[06:25] ---
    That's what you call a best friend!
[06:43] ---
    Something like this?
[06:44] ---
    Y-Yes!
[06:46] ---
    U-Um...
[06:47] ---
    How much do I owe you?
[06:49] ---
    Here's the price list.
[06:51] ---
    A single-balloon piece costs 100 yen.
[06:54] ---
    300 yen if it was made
    with more than two.
[06:54] ---
    HEART-SHAPED
    PIECES
[06:56] ---
    A heart-shaped piece costs...
[06:59] ---
    What?
[07:00] ---
    A heart-shaped piece costs one heart.
[07:02] ---
    HEART-SHAPED PIECES
    THIS IS A GREAT CHANCE TO
     CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS
    CHOOSE WHICHEVER BALLOONS
     YOU PREFER FROM THE BOOK
     AND LET US KNOW
[07:03] ---
    We trade for something else heart-shaped.
[07:06] ---
    It said so on the list from the start.
[07:09] ---
    And by the way, you'll need to pay up first.
[07:11] ---
    What's it going to be?
[07:12] ---
    Um, well...
[07:14] ---
    Miyuki!
[07:15] ---
    Your shift is over.
[07:17] ---
    Hold up!
[07:18] ---
    It's really getting juicy!
[07:22] ---
    A heart's value isn't cheap.
[07:26] ---
    That's what this is about, right?
[07:32] ---
    Is this...
[07:34] ---
    not good enough?
[07:42] ---
    I seriously don't think that's cool!
[07:45] ---
    To be continued.
[07:47] ---
    I do not have any hearts on hand!
[07:48] ---
    DASH
[07:49] ---
    Hey!
[07:51] ---
    "LET YOUR BURNING LOVE
    REACH EVERYONE!"
    WHAT A GREAT SLOGAN!!
[07:51] ---
    ZERO DAYS UNTIL
    THE CULTURE FESTIVAL
[07:53] ---
    Hey, Tsubame...
[07:55] ---
    Oh!
[07:56] ---
    About the script for the closing ceremony...
[07:58] ---
    Oh, r-r-right! Just leave it there!
[08:01] ---
    Tsubame...
[08:02] ---
    There's a piece of tape stuck to your back.
[08:03] ---
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
    COMMITTEE
[08:03] ---
    D-Don't worry about it! It's stylish!
[08:06] ---
    Tsubame...
[08:10] ---
    I'm off to patrol the grounds!
[08:13] ---
    What? Is she totally avoiding me or what?
[08:16] ---
    Is something wrong?
[08:18] ---
    DID I DO SOMETHING?
[08:18] ---
    Haven't you heard?
[08:20] ---
    Apparently, Ishigami confessed to Tsubame.
[08:23] ---
    Whoa! What on earth was he thinking?
[08:26] ---
    Hey, I heard about that, too!
[08:28] ---
    Ishigami doesn't even realize he's confessed!
[08:32] ---
    Tsubame Koyasu's answer
    will dictate all that happens next!
[08:36] ---
    TSUBAME KOYASU
    WANTS TO SAY NO
[08:37] ---
    Oh...
[08:38] ---
    I ran off yet again.
[08:40] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
[08:42] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
[08:44] ---
    Tsubame?
[08:46] ---
    Kaguya!
[08:47] ---
    Listen! You're pretty popular
    with boys, aren't you?
[08:50] ---
    What? W-W-Well,
    I guess you could say that.
[08:52] ---
    So you must get confessed to
    all the time, right?
[08:56] ---
    So when that happens...
[08:57] ---
    how do you say no exactly?
[09:02] ---
    So...
[09:03] ---
    I mean, he's a nice guy and all,
[09:05] ---
    but since I've never
    looked at him in that way...
[09:09] ---
    The guys who confess to me
    are mostly the playboy-type.
[09:11] ---
    "Why don't we go out just for the heck of it?"
    That kind of casual vibe most of the time.
[09:19] ---
    But this time, it was like a fastball
    right down the middle!
[09:22] ---
    This is to show how I feel about you!
[09:25] ---
    I'd like to take care of this
    without hurting him, if possible.
[09:28] ---
    Just going out with him
    isn't an option, then?
[09:31] ---
    If I do go out with him,
    then I'll probably fall for him, won't I?
[09:34] ---
    When I fall for someone, it's like
    nothing else exists except for that person.
[09:39] ---
    I'm sure I'd start phoning it in
    during rhythmic gymnastics practice.
[09:43] ---
    And my college is somewhat far away.
[09:45] ---
    But using that as an excuse
    would just seem mean.
[09:49] ---
    I see.
[09:51] ---
    So it's not as if you don't care for him at all.
[09:54] ---
    Surely Ishigami isn't manly or bold enough
    to make a public confession.
[09:59] ---
    So this absolutely has to be a confession
    from Ishigami's rival in love!
[10:03] ---
    Kaguya has misinterpreted
    a significant detail!
[10:06] ---
    Don't worry, Ishigami!
[10:08] ---
    I shall obliterate your rival!
[10:11] ---
    And so begins Kaguya's interference.
[10:14] ---
    Tell me.
[10:15] ---
    How do you usually turn down someone
    when they confess?
[10:19] ---
    Me? Let's see.
[10:21] ---
    LUST
[10:21] ---
    "Take that lust-crazed gaze off me,
    you miserable swine!"
[10:21] ---
    CRAZED
[10:24] ---
    SWINE
[10:24] ---
    Is what I always say!
[10:26] ---
    That's what you always say?
[10:27] ---
    Albeit in a gentle tone.
[10:29] ---
    No matter how much you dilute that poison,
    it's a lethal dose!
[10:33] ---
    I'd say it's kinder than leading him on.
[10:35] ---
    Well...
[10:37] ---
    Don't worry.
[10:39] ---
    What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
[10:42] ---
    So go ahead and be ruthless.
[10:44] ---
    Ruthless...
[10:47] ---
    Okay, gotcha!
[10:48] ---
    I'll give it a ruthless strike!
[10:51] ---
    In that case, would you mind
    looking after him for me?
[10:56] ---
    What?
[10:57] ---
    Who would be looking after whom?
[10:59] ---
    Huh? I'm talking about you looking after Yu.
[11:06] ---
    On the contrary, it would be ill-advised
    for you to be ruthless!
[11:09] ---
    What? Contrary to what?
[11:11] ---
    It'd be altogether too cruel to hurt someone
    who's mustered all his courage to confess!
[11:16] ---
    The lowest of the low!
[11:17] ---
    A brutal deed!
[11:20] ---
    I thought you said what doesn't kill people
    makes them stronger!
[11:26] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[11:27] ---
    Ishigami's the one who confessed to her?
[11:29] ---
    And all signs are pointing to his rejection!
[11:33] ---
    If Ishigami ends up getting his heart broken now,
    I'm sure President will comfort him...
[11:38] ---
    and there's no way
    that anyone will be able to confess!
[11:40] ---
    You did your best!
    Now cry your heart out!
[11:42] ---
    Really now!
[11:44] ---
    Ishigami, you blundering fool!
[11:45] ---
    Why did you have to confess
    at a time like this?
[11:48] ---
    You don't have to hide
    the fact that you like her!
[11:50] ---
    Be brave, Ishigami!
[11:53] ---
    Oh dear, I'm the one who egged him on!
[11:56] ---
    I like you!
[11:57] ---
    Will you go out with me?
[12:01] ---
    Here. Will you accept this from me?
[12:03] ---
    Oh...
[12:04] ---
    Miss Fujiwara?
[12:06] ---
    I wonder what she's going to say.
[12:11] ---
    Ta-da!
[12:12] ---
    I know it's out of the blue,
    but here's a quiz for you!
[12:15] ---
    Either way, it's a feather, but what do you
    call a feather that's weightless?
[12:18] ---
    Um, what could it be?
[12:21] ---
    The feather of justice
    from Egyptian mythology?
[12:23] ---
    Oh, being light-fingered?
[12:25] ---
    Boo!
[12:26] ---
    Wrong answer!
[12:29] ---
    The correct answer is...
[12:31] ---
    a heart that can enjoy itself to the fullest.
[12:34] ---
    The feathers of a free heart
    that can't be tied down.
[12:38] ---
    What is this girl talking about?
[12:40] ---
    I have to go catch that phantom thief now!
[12:43] ---
    Sorry!
[12:43] ---
    STEP STEP
[12:46] ---
    I get it! When you reject someone,
    you just have to quiz them!
[12:49] ---
    No, you do not!
    Don't let yourself get led astray!
[12:52] ---
    But look, the boy who got rejected
    looks so at peace.
[12:52] ---
    The feathers of your heart are so light, huh?
[12:56] ---
    This is a bizarre dream.
    Let us both forget that we ever saw it.
[13:01] ---
    It's not just about turning him down or not.
[13:03] ---
    You do have another option.
    To put it on hold for a bit.
[13:06] ---
    - That's true.
    - Come on, why not?
[13:08] ---
    I can't have this!
[13:09] ---
    If you don't stop right now,
    I'm going to call a teacher over!
[13:11] ---
    Hey, but do you know how cute you are?
[13:13] ---
    Yeah, for real!
[13:15] ---
    Without any makeup, no less!
    You're too cute to be true, huh?
[13:17] ---
    We're not kidding! When's your break?
[13:20] ---
    Hey, we'll wait for hours if we have to!
[13:22] ---
    Well, I do go on break
    in another hour or so.
[13:25] ---
    Then let's hang out
    and have fun for a little while!
[13:27] ---
    Just a little while! Okay?
[13:31] ---
    If it's...
[13:32] ---
    just a little...
[13:35] ---
    Ow!
[13:36] ---
    Sorry, we need this one
    for an emergency.
[13:39] ---
    Rei! Ishigami just smacked me
    over the head!
[13:42] ---
    Be sure to remember that pain well.
[13:46] ---
    Why did Iino have to be so...
[13:50] ---
    That's the first time I ever saw Yu get mad.
[13:53] ---
    Oh no!
[13:55] ---
    You're mistaken!
[13:56] ---
    Ishigami was just worried about Iino!
[13:58] ---
    He may be foulmouthed, but he doesn't
    resort to violence for no reason—
[14:02] ---
    I never knew.
[14:04] ---
    I had no idea at all.
[14:07] ---
    I guess you're right.
[14:14] ---
    I don't know him at all.
[14:18] ---
    I wonder if I can give him my answer
    after I know him better.
[14:23] ---
    Tsubame Koyasu's decision...
[14:26] ---
    Her answer is on hold.
[14:28] ---
    I'm so sorry, Ishigami!
[14:28] ---
    PANICKED...
[14:29] ---
    I'll find someone for you, all right?
[14:31] ---
    Huh?
[14:32] ---
    To be continued.
[14:46] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS
    TO MAKE HER CONFESS, PART 5
[14:48] ---
    These culture festivals
    are endlessly draining, aren't they?
[14:52] ---
    And I seem to keep missing President.
[14:55] ---
    Shinomiya, do you have a second?
[14:58] ---
    Oh! Oh my, President!
[15:00] ---
    What a coincidence!
[15:02] ---
    Actually, it's not a coincidence.
    I've been looking for you.
[15:05] ---
    F-For me?
[15:08] ---
    Could it be...
[15:09] ---
    I want to check out some events
    with you, Shinomiya!
[15:13] ---
    Oh, surely not.
[15:15] ---
    Do you want to check out
    some festival events together?
[15:19] ---
    Whaaa...
[15:21] ---
    We've reached our quota of donations.
[15:23] ---
    I was thinking I'd ask you to join me.
[15:25] ---
    Whaaa... Whaaa... Whaaa...
[15:30] ---
    Ah, so I see.
[15:32] ---
    Obviously, you've fallen
    under the spell of this festival.
[15:35] ---
    This is my chance to drive you into a corner!
[15:38] ---
    A male and a female going together
    would surely trigger some rumors.
[15:43] ---
    That you and I are on a culture festival date.
[15:47] ---
    Is that bad?
[15:49] ---
    No. I wouldn't say that.
[15:51] ---
    Then why don't we
    wander around together?
[15:57] ---
    Look...
[15:58] ---
    Look at that!
[16:00] ---
    Kaguya and President Shirogane
    are together!
[16:03] ---
    Maybe they're on a culture festival date?
[16:05] ---
    Oh! How bold!
[16:07] ---
    President, how can you be
    so unflinchingly calm?
[16:13] ---
    No fair!
[16:15] ---
    I'm going to make you feel
    the same way I feel if it's the last thing I do!
[16:15] ---
    WITCHES' LAIR
    THE OCCULT RESEARCH CLUB
[16:19] ---
    President...
[16:21] ---
    Look, it says
    "fortune-telling"!
[16:23] ---
    Wanna go in?
[16:25] ---
    Can you take two?
[16:28] ---
    You've fallen right into my trap.
[16:32] ---
    I hear that the head of the Occult Research Club
    uses fortune-telling as a pretext
SIGN    YUME ATENBO (THIRD-YEAR) THE HEAD OF THE OCCULT RESEARCH CLUB
[16:35] ---
    to ask questions
    verging on sexual harassment!
[16:38] ---
    All I want is for President
    to blush bright red with embarrassment!
[16:41] ---
    Oh my.
[16:42] ---
    You two from the student council,
    is this a secret tryst?
[16:45] ---
    Such passion!
[16:46] ---
    You are using birth control, right?
[16:48] ---
    This is actual, horrible sexual harassment!
[16:50] ---
    No. In the first place,
    we're not even dating.
[16:53] ---
    Oh my. Please be careful, Shinomiya.
[16:56] ---
    You'd never guess it,
    but guys like him are the most lustful.
[16:59] ---
    Lu—
[17:00] ---
    Well, not that I'm going to deny that.
[17:02] ---
    You're not?
[17:03] ---
    Now then, since you're here together...
[17:04] ---
    ABE'S FILES
[17:07] ---
    shall I do a reading on your love compatibility?
[17:10] ---
    Good idea.
[17:12] ---
    How would we turn out
    if, say, we got married?
[17:15] ---
    Married?
[17:17] ---
    Very well.
[17:18] ---
    Shinomiya, if I remember correctly,
[17:20] ---
    your birthday is January 1st,
    and your blood type is AB.
[17:23] ---
    Shirogane, your birthday is September 9th,
    and your blood type is O.
[17:26] ---
    You weighed 2,118 grams at birth.
[17:29] ---
    How can you know that?
    This person's creepy!
[17:30] ---
    I see. I see.
[17:32] ---
    You two are extremely compatible.
[17:36] ---
    Shirogane, you have the mental strength
    to carry out your will to the very end.
[17:40] ---
    That also makes you gentle
    as well as tenacious.
[17:43] ---
    And above all,
[17:44] ---
    you have no qualms about occasionally
    deceiving others to further your goals.
[17:50] ---
    You also have that shrewdness in you.
[17:52] ---
    As your wife, Shinomiya,
    is also extremely shrewd,
[17:54] ---
    you're a perfect match for each other.
[17:56] ---
    Not that I'm either his wife or shrewd!
[17:59] ---
    Shinomiya, you're like
    a crystal-clear surface of water.
[18:04] ---
    Pure water that can transform
    with the changing colors of the sky.
[18:07] ---
    You can turn evil
    if you're with an evil person,
[18:10] ---
    and become virtuous
    if you're with a virtuous person.
[18:15] ---
    You're the devoted type, so if you get married,
    you'll become a good wife and wise mother.
[18:19] ---
    Good wife?
[18:20] ---
    And it also says here that as long as
    you're taught well, you'll be incredible in bed.
[18:23] ---
    There's no way
    you got a reading like that!
[18:25] ---
    Statistically, that's what it's telling me.
[18:28] ---
    IF YOU TEACH HER WELL
    SHE'LL BE INCREDIBLE IN BED
[18:29] ---
    There's one more interesting prediction here.
[18:33] ---
    Your day of destiny...
[18:35] ---
    is, oddly enough, today, when you'll be faced
    with a crucial decision regarding your future.
[18:41] ---
    What could that decision be, I wonder.
[18:50] ---
    That sure was an ordeal.
[18:54] ---
    It was all I could do to keep a straight face.
[18:56] ---
    Seriously...
[18:59] ---
    I see. So it wasn't just me!
[19:02] ---
    Whenever I refuse to give in, somehow,
    things always seem to go awry.
[19:07] ---
    That's right! I'll just enjoy the moment
    without thinking at all—
[19:09] ---
    RUMBLE RUMBLE
[19:11] ---
    Miss Fujiwara!
[19:13] ---
    I can see it coming!
    She's going to wreak havoc like always!
[19:15] ---
    And ruin this precious date!
[19:21] ---
    Wait. What?
[19:22] ---
    A NEW WARNING!!
[19:24] ---
    It looks like Fujiwara's consumed
    by this whole phantom thief uproar, huh?
[19:24] ---
    CHOKIKO'S
    CLASSROOM
[19:27] ---
    WARNING
    THIS IS WHAT
    I'M TAKING NEXT.
[19:28] ---
    A new warning.
[19:30] ---
    What do you think he's after?
[19:32] ---
    I-I have no idea.
[19:34] ---
    Th-Thank goodness!
[19:37] ---
    Miss Fujiwara being so consumed
    that she failed to notice me
[19:41] ---
    has created a golden opportunity for me!
[19:43] ---
    I won't be thwarted
    during my date today!
[19:44] ---
    Tsubame...
[19:44] ---
    STICKY
    SLIMY
[19:45] ---
    Ishigami?
[19:46] ---
    Why are you ducking me?
[19:48] ---
    I forgot about that!
[19:50] ---
    Ishigami might get rejected
    by Tsubame because of me!
[19:52] ---
    NOT REALLY
    ANYTHING
[19:54] ---
    Wh-What am I going to do?
[19:56] ---
    Yu!
[19:57] ---
    MANSION
[19:57] ---
    JAPANESE SWEETS HALL
[19:57] ---
    Tsubame?
[19:59] ---
    Are you free after this?
[20:00] ---
    I'd like you to come watch
    the gymnastics team's performance.
[20:04] ---
    Uh...
[20:05] ---
    A-Are you sure it's okay?
[20:07] ---
    Also...
[20:09] ---
    can you meet me
    behind the school building first?
[20:12] ---
    Not a problem!
[20:13] ---
    Hey, Kaguya!
[20:17] ---
    About Yu...
[20:19] ---
    I've decided to give Yu my answer
    after giving it some thought.
[20:22] ---
    I don't think I'll end up
    having to ask you to take care of him.
[20:24] ---
    Yay!
[20:27] ---
    Okay!
[20:28] ---
    Just relax and enjoy the festival!
[20:30] ---
    Yet another stroke of luck!
[20:32] ---
    CHU CHU
    CHURROS ARE
    WHAT ROMANCE
    TASTES LIKE
[20:32] ---
    Now he won't be hindering me as I take
    my relationship with President to the next level!
[20:36] ---
    Shinomiya...
[20:37] ---
    Want half of this?
[20:39] ---
    Oh! I'd be happy to—
[20:40] ---
    GROWL
[20:42] ---
    Iino!
[20:43] ---
    NOODLES
[20:44] ---
    The all-you-can-eat soba noodles
    competition's about to start!
[20:45] ---
    RUGBY MEAL
[20:46] ---
    Last-minute entrants are welcome!
[20:51] ---
    GROWL
[20:52] ---
    Soba noodles!
[20:52] ---
    RUGBY MEAL
[20:54] ---
    All right,
    here come the players!
[20:55] ---
    The gods seem
    to be favoring me today!
[20:58] ---
    This isn't fiction, it isn't a dream...
[21:01] ---
    This world belongs to me alone...
    The invincible heroine...
[21:05] ---
    Sunday I'm ready to go...
[21:08] ---
    I'm on a roll!
[21:08] ---
    I want so much to show you
    these spring-colored lips...
[21:09] ---
    DRAWING
    CRACKERS
[21:10] ---
    I'm on a roll!
[21:13] ---
    I'm on a roll like you wouldn't believe!
[21:19] ---
    If only every day could be like today.
[21:31] ---
    After walking about the festival grounds,
    this room seems a bit stark.
[21:36] ---
    It'd be nice to do something here
    in this student council room next year, right?
[21:40] ---
    Next year, we can...
[21:43] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:45] ---
    I have something important to tell you.
[21:47] ---
    It's extremely important.
[21:49] ---
    What?
[21:50] ---
    Do you mean...
[21:52] ---
    Take a look.
[21:59] ---
    I knew I had to tell you right away.
[22:04] ---
    That's my acceptance letter from Stanford.
[22:07] ---
    I'm going to skip a grade...
[22:10] ---
    and study abroad.
[22:13] ---
    Next year,
[22:14] ---
    I'll be leaving Shuchiin
    a year earlier than you all.
[22:19] ---
    This will be...
[22:22] ---
    my last culture festival.
[22:24] ---
    TO BE CONTINUED

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E12 - Kaguya Wants to Confess, Part 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    I'm going to skip a grade and study abroad.
[00:07] ---
    I must say...
[00:09] ---
    that is quite short notice, isn't it?
[00:11] ---
    It was on the principal's recommendation.
[00:13] ---
    I figured I had nothing to lose
    by trying for early admission.
[00:16] ---
    To be honest,
    even I didn't think I'd pass.
[00:19] ---
    But this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me.
[00:23] ---
    I'm going to Stanford.
[00:26] ---
    At overseas colleges,
    matriculation is in October.
[00:29] ---
    If you're going to skip a grade...
[00:32] ---
    I see. This time next year,
    you'll be over there, correct?
[00:36] ---
    Either way...
[00:38] ---
    first, let me congratulate you!
[00:40] ---
    This is an extraordinary achievement!
[00:43] ---
    Skipping a grade to get into Stanford...
    I, too, am proud of you!
[00:48] ---
    Shinomiya...
[00:50] ---
    I'd love to celebrate with you in style,
    but as I must prepare for the fire arrow,
[00:54] ---
    let me do that another time.
[02:30] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO CONFESS, PART 2
[02:32] ---
    Will that be all—
[02:33] ---
    Hayasaka...
[02:36] ---
    Come with me.
[02:38] ---
    Hey! Kaguya! What's going on?
[02:40] ---
    Hey!
[02:42] ---
    Go! Go! Shuchiin!
    Go! Go! Shuchiin!
[02:46] ---
    Is that right?
    President will be studying abroad?
[02:49] ---
    I was taken completely by surprise.
[02:52] ---
    You're not going to do anything?
    Why don't you try saying,"Please don't go"?
[02:55] ---
    Don't be ridiculous!
[02:56] ---
    Stanford is a university
    that even I'd be hard-pressed to get into!
[03:00] ---
    Of course he should go
    no matter what anyone says!
[03:02] ---
    This is an amazing thing that he's done.
[03:04] ---
    Sending him off with a smile
    would be the right thing to do.
[03:07] ---
    Stanford, huh?
[03:10] ---
    The young women over there might be
    smarter and more well-bred than you,
[03:13] ---
    not to mention even better-looking than you.
[03:16] ---
    In four years, he could have
    relationships with countless women,
[03:19] ---
    and I wouldn't be surprised
    if he even got married while there.
[03:27] ---
    Tell me, what kind of provocation is that?
[03:28] ---
    Oh no. You're being rather docile now,
    and it's creeping me out.
[03:32] ---
    I was sure you were going to thwart
    President from going overseas.
[03:37] ---
    As if I'd do such a thing
    when his future is at stake.
[03:40] ---
    Just what kind of person
    do you think I am?
[03:42] ---
    But how can you blame me?
[03:44] ---
    The way you drew it up, you'd start dating
    during your second year at the latest...
[03:49] ---
    and during your third year...
[03:51] ---
    you'd be doing all the things that you never could
    as a couple, and enjoying it to the fullest.
[03:55] ---
    I thought you had
    such a vision in your mind.
[03:56] ---
    Ohhhhh!
[03:59] ---
    So you did have one.
[04:01] ---
    But it's still not too late to realize it, right?
[04:04] ---
    Starting today until President's departure,
[04:07] ---
    you should do everything
    you've longed to do. That's it.
[04:10] ---
    I agree. I had the same exact thought myself.
[04:14] ---
    I'm sure I don't need to remind you...
[04:16] ---
    but to make that happen,
    there's just one condition you need to meet.
[04:20] ---
    Oh! I can imagine what it is
    you're dying to say!
[04:24] ---
    I need to tell President
    that I love him today!
[04:26] ---
    I need to confess, right?
[04:30] ---
    It took so long.
[04:32] ---
    Hayasaka?
[04:33] ---
    Why are you crying?
[04:34] ---
    You've come this far at last, Lady Kaguya.
[04:38] ---
    B-B-But how am I supposed to confess?
[04:41] ---
    You may leave that to me.
[04:43] ---
    I have already prepared a plan
    for your Ultra Romantic confession.
[04:43] ---
    TOP SECRET
    PERFECT PLAN
[04:49] ---
    Don't plan such things without telling me!
[04:51] ---
    First, you'll be lighting the campfire
    with your fire arrow.
[04:54] ---
    I will invite President
    to stand as close to you as possible.
[04:58] ---
    The way your profile should appear so mysterious,
    illuminated by the light of the arrowhead...
[05:03] ---
    HUH...
[05:04] ---
    President's heart will be thumping!
[05:06] ---
    Thump-thump!
[05:08] ---
    And then, while gazing down from the rooftop
    on the students partying by the campfire...
[05:12] ---
    you'll sip hot canned coffee in modest celebration
    of the success of the culture festival.
[05:18] ---
    That will be megapositive.
[05:19] ---
    Positive?
[05:20] ---
    Just my kind of thing.
[05:21] ---
    Positive...
[05:22] ---
    And then, you'll confess!
[05:24] ---
    As you hand him that heart-shaped trinket...
[05:27] ---
    All right! Now you utter
    your words of confession!
[05:28] ---
    POINT
[05:30] ---
    Huh?
[05:32] ---
    TURN!
[05:32] ---
    If you're imploring me to go out with you,
    I don't mind doing so!
[05:35] ---
    Wrong answer!
[05:37] ---
    And what's with the archaic mood swings?
[05:40] ---
    For a second there,
    I thought you were Lady Maki.
[05:42] ---
    Well, you're putting me on the spot
    with this confession!
[05:45] ---
    This is going to be such a crucial moment,
    so you come up with something, Hayasaka!
[05:48] ---
    You can't get by with someone else's words
    precisely because it's a crucial moment.
[05:53] ---
    Confess your feelings in your own words.
[05:55] ---
    Th-Then...
[05:59] ---
    President...
[06:01] ---
    I love you!
[06:04] ---
    Well?
[06:05] ---
    - Not good at all.
    - Whaaaaat?
[06:07] ---
    What's the problem?
[06:10] ---
    Don't you see?
[06:11] ---
    Lady Kaguya, your confession
    lacks the Five Ws and One H.
[06:15] ---
    If you offer a confession so bereft of information,
    your failure is just a foregone conclusion.
[06:19] ---
    Like this!
[06:22] ---
    Shinomiya, I didn't know you liked campfires.
[06:25] ---
    Leading to misunderstanding.
[06:26] ---
    What is it that you love?
[06:28] ---
    Um... I love shortcake!
[06:31] ---
    Leading to self-destruction.
[06:32] ---
    I wouldn't put it past myself!
[06:34] ---
    This isn't a romantic comedy that's entered filler mode.
[06:36] ---
    Please try to nail it on your first try.
[06:39] ---
    The Five Ws and One H...
[06:44] ---
    Right now, at this moment, I am in love with you,
    President! So I really wanna go out with you!
[06:47] ---
    Zero positivity!
[06:48] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[06:49] ---
    Positivity? What is positivity anyway?
[06:51] ---
    What kind of a machine-translated
    confession was that?
[06:53] ---
    Are you trifling with me?
[06:54] ---
    This is all your fault
    for bringing up the Five Ws and One H!
[06:58] ---
    Never mind.
[07:00] ---
    Just add on a "Please go out with me"
    and then say whatever you want.
[07:05] ---
    President...
[07:08] ---
    I love you.
[07:09] ---
    Please go out with me.
[07:12] ---
    Zero entertainment value.
[07:14] ---
    Does that make it bad?
[07:15] ---
    So what am I supposed to do?
[07:18] ---
    Vocalizing one's love
    is to be done with great care.
[07:21] ---
    All the more if it's a confession of love.
[07:24] ---
    You can't just slap something together.
[07:28] ---
    What is it that you like about President?
[07:31] ---
    Just be honest
    and put those feelings into words.
[07:34] ---
    Put my feelings...
[07:36] ---
    into words...
[07:39] ---
    When we're walking in a crowd...
[07:41] ---
    and someone has strayed away.
[07:45] ---
    I love his face in profile
    when he glances behind him.
[07:49] ---
    The way his eyes look so drowsy
    that I start to worry...
[07:53] ---
    That tight grin of his when he's grappling
    with some difficult problem...
[07:57] ---
    How he's such a straight arrow...
    It feels like he's showing me up.
[07:59] ---
    How he hates to lose but hides it well...
[08:01] ---
    How he can seem
    totally oblivious one second...
[08:03] ---
    but he's actually keeping an eye on you.
[08:07] ---
    The way he makes me feel
    that if I try hard enough, I can do anything...
[08:12] ---
    That's what I like.
[08:14] ---
    I love how President
    is always trying to move forward.
[08:18] ---
    So...
[08:20] ---
    How could I possibly say to him...
[08:24] ---
    "Don't go overseas"?
[08:29] ---
    I'm so sorry, Lady Kaguya.
[08:31] ---
    I was too insensitive.
[08:35] ---
    Let's make sure
    your confession is a success.
[08:44] ---
    FIRST ATTEMPT
    AT THE CULTURE FESTIVAL
[08:44] ---
    "LIKE A MAN"
    STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    SPEAKS PROFOUNDLY
[08:47] ---
    KAGUYA WANTS
    TO CONFESS, PART 3
[09:18] ---
    It appears that I guessed wrong.
[09:25] ---
    If President isn't at the lighting ceremony,
    I won't be able to confess.
[09:30] ---
    Looks like things are going well for them.
[09:34] ---
    Truly, I resent them for that.
[09:41] ---
    The wind's pretty strong, huh?
[09:43] ---
    Maybe we should've done this indoors,
    where it's warmer?
[09:45] ---
    I thought it might be cold.
[09:47] ---
    Please put this on.
[09:49] ---
    That's incredibly thoughtful of you!
[09:52] ---
    Oh, hey...
[09:58] ---
    This is crazy warm!
[10:01] ---
    It sure is nice and quiet here.
[10:04] ---
    Right? It's a favorite spot of mine!
[10:07] ---
    Bright red flowers bloom here
    in springtime!
[10:09] ---
    I mean you wouldn't believe
    how red they are!
[10:11] ---
    Maybe there's a corpse buried underneath?
[10:14] ---
    These are bellflower cherry trees.
[10:17] ---
    Bellflower cherry?
[10:19] ---
    Well, since cherry trees
    are from the rose family,
[10:21] ---
    you see red cherry blossoms
    and yellow ones, too.
[10:24] ---
    In the language of flowers, they symbolize
    a glamorous woman, good deeds and nobility.
[10:28] ---
    You'd think I was talking about—
[10:29] ---
    Hey, so you like flowers.
[10:31] ---
    Oh!
[10:32] ---
    Um, well, in a manner of speaking!
[10:35] ---
    It's creepy, huh? Coming from a guy.
[10:37] ---
    I don't think so at all.
[10:40] ---
    It was just a little unexpected, that's all.
[10:41] ---
    Tsubame!
[10:42] ---
    YEE-CRAZY-HAA!
    INSTAGRAMMABLE
[10:42] ---
    FŪRINKAZAN (AS FAST AS THE WIND,
    AS QUIET AS THE FOREST,
    AS DARING AS FIRE,
    AND IMMOVABLE AS THE MOUNTAIN)
    IS AWESOME!
[10:43] ---
    Whatever you do, please watch yourself
    around that Ishigami guy!
[10:46] ---
    He was suspended back in middle school
    for beating up someone!
[10:49] ---
    Everyone hates that dirty stalker!
[10:52] ---
    Oh, is that right?
[10:54] ---
    Who wants to be with that guy?
[10:57] ---
    Hey!
[10:58] ---
    I'll be your buffer
    so you can all get along.
[11:01] ---
    And you know what, I talked to him,
    and he was actually...
[11:04] ---
    Actually serious and thoughtful.
[11:08] ---
    Huh?
[11:08] ---
    What are you talking about?
[11:12] ---
    About me wanting to know more.
[11:15] ---
    What?
[11:16] ---
    Oh!
[11:17] ---
    Well, bellflower cherry trees
    start blooming from January to March!
[11:20] ---
    Uh, that's not what I meant!
[11:20] ---
    So they'll be blooming
    during graduation season, and..
[11:23] ---
    And the unique thing
    about this cherry tree...
[11:27] ---
    is that unlike other strains,
    its blossoms never scatter, so...
[11:29] ---
    Cherry blossoms that never scatter?
[11:31] ---
    Yeah.
[11:32] ---
    It goes without saying that the sight
    of cherry blossoms scattering is beautiful.
[11:35] ---
    But there's something about cherry blossoms
    that don't scatter that seems lucky.
[11:38] ---
    It's kind of encouraging,
    don't you think?
[11:41] ---
    Well...
[11:42] ---
    I can't say that I've ever looked
    at them in that way before.
[11:46] ---
    Let's come see them again
    when they bloom!
[11:48] ---
    Uh!
[11:49] ---
    Uh, sure!
[11:50] ---
    So anyway...
[11:52] ---
    I asked you here out of the blue...
[11:54] ---
    because I still haven't given you my answer.
[11:57] ---
    The thing is...
[11:59] ---
    I don't have an answer for you yet.
[12:02] ---
    I'd like you to give me a little more time.
[12:06] ---
    But I know you don't want to be left
    dangling forever, right?
[12:09] ---
    It would seem like
    I was stashing you as a backup.
[12:12] ---
    And I'm afraid that things might
    just stay vague for who knows how long.
[12:15] ---
    So, I want you to decide how long you'll wait
    until I give you my answer.
[12:26] ---
    Huh? Answer?
[12:27] ---
    What's she talking about?
[12:28] ---
    Ishigami is unaware that he's confessed.
[12:32] ---
    Oh, wait, I know!
    She means coming to see the flowers!
[12:35] ---
    Right now, Ishigami is slightly off base.
[12:39] ---
    It can wait until sometime in March.
[12:41] ---
    You're more patient than I thought!
[12:43] ---
    It's still only December now, you know!
[12:45] ---
    It's never a good idea
    to plan too far ahead.
[12:48] ---
    Things could change
    because of the weather.
[12:49] ---
    Is the weather that important?
[12:51] ---
    Quivering with anticipation while you wait
    for the right time is part of the pleasure.
[12:54] ---
    You're mentally tough. If it were me,
    I'd want to get it all over as soon as possible.
[12:59] ---
    But... okay...
[13:01] ---
    Fine! I'll try to get to know you better
    in the meantime!
[13:05] ---
    Huh?
[13:06] ---
    How did that lead to me?
[13:10] ---
    I feel like a load has been taken off me!
[13:12] ---
    Something's not right.
[13:15] ---
    I'm going to crush it in that play!
[13:17] ---
    Are you sure about this?
[13:20] ---
    Yes! I have neither wealth nor power!
[13:23] ---
    All I have to offer is my heart!
[13:28] ---
    I will give my heart to the princess!
[13:30] ---
    Very well!
[13:32] ---
    We shall offer it to her.
[13:33] ---
    Your heart...
[13:35] ---
    We shall deliver it to the princess!
[13:42] ---
    The Hoshin Legend...
[13:44] ---
    I didn't know
    there was a legend like that here.
[13:48] ---
    The story of a man who offered up
    his heart to prove his love.
[13:53] ---
    That sounds familiar for some reason.
[13:56] ---
    Human heart... Heart shapes...
[13:59] ---
    Is that why there are so many heart motifs
    at this culture festival?
[14:02] ---
    It's related to this myth?
[14:07] ---
    Hold up!
[14:08] ---
    Does that mean...
[14:10] ---
    If it's true that this culture festival
    is based on the Hoshin Legend,
[14:13] ---
    then does giving someone a heart
    also have implications?
[14:16] ---
    And the way Tsubame seemed so flustered!
[14:19] ---
    That wasn't her just reacting
    to having received a cookie!
[14:22] ---
    If you think about it
    in terms of that legend,
[14:25] ---
    giving her a heart-shaped cookie,
    in other words, a heart, was proof of my love!
[14:31] ---
    In other words, I sent her my love!
[14:34] ---
    Meaning that I...
[14:35] ---
    I will not let you die alone!
[14:39] ---
    I'm so embarrassed!
[14:40] ---
    It's like I blatantly threw myself at her,
    and now I'm so mortified!
[14:45] ---
    Well, not like there's actually any stupid story
    that says that giving a heart is a confession,
[14:45] ---
    Princess! Why?
[14:47] ---
    Why did you have to join him?
[14:50] ---
    so who cares?
[14:52] ---
    We cannot allow such tragedies to happen.
[14:53] ---
    Hey, Tsubame's onstage!
[14:55] ---
    Now then, please open your eyes!
[14:58] ---
    She's adorable!
[15:00] ---
    Ishigami is slightly off base today.
[15:18] ---
    Oh! Wow!
[15:21] ---
    President was nowhere to be found.
[15:23] ---
    Where on earth could he have gone?
[15:26] ---
    This is my big moment,
[15:28] ---
    so you'd think he'd have the presence
    of mind to come snag a good seat!
[15:31] ---
    Or is he flaunting his composure?
[15:33] ---
    Is he full of misplaced confidence
    that I'm in love with him?
[15:36] ---
    Well, I'm not going to deny
    that I'm in love with him! Yes, I admit it!
[15:40] ---
    But if it means he's going to act this way toward me,
    of course I'm going to sulk and start to hate him!
[15:43] ---
    Well, not that I'll ever hate him,
    but it won't do President any good!
[15:47] ---
    She's completely unperturbed
    by the audience around her!
[15:50] ---
    Such incredible focus!
[15:52] ---
    Let's hope that she's not so focused
    on something else that she misses the target.
[15:59] ---
    Wait, could this be...
[16:01] ---
    that thing known as "the game of love"?
[16:05] ---
    Is he staying out of view
    on purpose to make me squirm?
[16:10] ---
    Then that means
    he has to be watching somewhere!
[16:13] ---
    Really! President can certainly be a bit cruel!
[16:17] ---
    I'm impressed that you can stay
    so immersed in your own world like that.
[16:23] ---
    What's this?
[16:28] ---
    I've come to claim the culture festival.
[16:29] ---
    This is...
[16:30] ---
    his third warning!
[16:32] ---
    Hey!
[16:33] ---
    Look!
[16:35] ---
    The dragon's jewel!
    All of a sudden, it's gone!
[16:38] ---
    Just when I was about to summon
    all my courage and take the plunge!
[16:43] ---
    Who would cause such mischief?
[16:47] ---
    All right.
[16:49] ---
    It's on, Shinomiya.
[16:54] ---
    Who in the world...
[16:56] ---
    is messing around
    with President's massive ball?
[16:59] ---
    Language.
[17:00] ---
    Hey, there's a shadowy figure—
[17:02] ---
    The phantom thief
    is still up on the roof!
[17:04] ---
    Let's go after him, Kaguya!
[17:06] ---
    What? Wait!
[17:09] ---
    The culture festival will be over
    in less than an hour!
[17:12] ---
    Really, now!
[17:13] ---
    So many of these little accidents are cropping up!
    Nothing's going according to plan!
[17:18] ---
    It's as if someone's willing this to happen!
[17:22] ---
    You're under arrest!
[17:27] ---
    Not here.
[17:28] ---
    Looks like he's given us the slip.
[17:30] ---
    How can you have so much energy,
    Miss Fujiwara?
[17:31] ---
    DUAL CONFESSIONS, PART 1
[17:34] ---
    Because the phantom thief
    is waiting for me!
[17:36] ---
    No, I don't think he's waiting—
[17:37] ---
    Oh, he's waiting!
[17:39] ---
    After all, all thieves want
    is to be found by me!
[17:44] ---
    Are you sure about that?
[17:46] ---
    This paper is inorganic.
[17:48] ---
    Inorganic paper?
[17:51] ---
    This kind of paper is often used
    for architectural purposes.
[17:55] ---
    Architectural purposes?
[17:58] ---
    Now that's suspicious.
[17:59] ---
    "Claiming the culture festival"
    is such a cryptic message.
[18:03] ---
    It's all such a riddle.
[18:05] ---
    Did he drop anything else on the floor?
[18:08] ---
    It's too dark to find anything.
[18:11] ---
    Don't you hate how the sun sets
    so early in the winter?
[18:14] ---
    Sunset time...
[18:17] ---
    Nice one, Erika!
[18:19] ---
    What?
[18:20] ---
    Did you figure something out?
[18:22] ---
    It's a world clock.
[18:23] ---
    NOTICE
    I'll be taking
    the following.
[18:24] ---
    At a glance, this looks
    like a bunch of separate clocks.
[18:26] ---
    These can be converted
    into Earth's longitudes!
[18:31] ---
    The final warning was strewn
    at exactly 5 PM.
[18:33] ---
    If we start from there and match up
    all the numbers with the clocks' positions...
[18:38] ---
    That should yield
    some kind of clue, right?
[18:41] ---
    You're amazing!
[18:42] ---
    Oh no.
[18:43] ---
    All mysteries exist to be solved.
[18:47] ---
    All I did was give
    the keyhole called "mystery"...
[18:49] ---
    the slightest of turns.
[18:52] ---
    Let's go look up the longitudes
    in the computer lab!
[18:55] ---
    Okay!
[18:58] ---
    Shouldn't you go with them,
    Lady Kaguya?
[19:02] ---
    Lady Kaguya?
[19:03] ---
    Forgive me, Miss Fujiwara.
[19:05] ---
    I'm truly sorry,
[19:07] ---
    but thanks to you, I've figured it all out.
[19:16] ---
    Seriously...
[19:18] ---
    What a tongue-in-cheek prank this is.
[19:20] ---
    Everyone's overthinking it.
[19:22] ---
    Actually, perhaps I should say
    that they were led to overthink it.
[19:27] ---
    What do you mean by that, Lady Kaguya?
[19:30] ---
    "All mysteries exist to be solved"...
[19:33] ---
    did she say?
[19:35] ---
    It finally hit me when I heard those words.
[19:38] ---
    For example, this inorganic paper.
[19:41] ---
    Whoever said that this paper itself
    was a riddle?
[19:44] ---
    What we should've thought was that it was
    something to be used for an obvious reason.
[19:48] ---
    An obvious reason...
[19:50] ---
    Well, it would be dangerous to scatter
    paper over a campfire, wouldn't it?
[19:55] ---
    He just used fire-resistant paper
    so the flames wouldn't spread.
[19:59] ---
    We should've recognized it
    as the perpetrator's attention to detail.
[20:03] ---
    The same holds true for this.
[20:06] ---
    I did attempt to solve it myself, as well,
    but I failed to find a single clue.
[20:11] ---
    And that was when a certain hypothesis
    presented itself.
[20:15] ---
    There's no solution to be found in this.
[20:17] ---
    It's single-hook fishing,
    baiting someone like Miss Fujiwara,
[20:20] ---
    who sees a row of symbols
    and is convinced it's a code with a solution.
[20:24] ---
    Whoa.
[20:25] ---
    Just now, the secretary girl said...
[20:27] ---
    All I did was give the keyhole called "mystery"
    the slightest of turns.
[20:32] ---
    She looked extremely credible.
[20:34] ---
    Please don't go there with her.
[20:37] ---
    Therefore, if one was to go ahead
    and fill in the blanks,
[20:39] ---
    I suppose you could call it
    "Fujiwara's Time."
[20:43] ---
    And as for the sender, Arsène...
[20:46] ---
    which means "masculine" in Greek...
[20:49] ---
    Didn't somebody somewhere
    utter that very thing?
[20:52] ---
    Now I see.
[20:55] ---
    From this point on,
    I'm going to search for President myself.
[20:57] ---
    But...
[20:59] ---
    This is a "Read President's mind to find him" game.
[21:04] ---
    I should take on this challenge alone.
[21:08] ---
    Very well.
[21:11] ---
    But are you sure you'll be all right?
[21:14] ---
    Can you really manage on your own?
[21:17] ---
    I'll thank you not to speak of me
    as if I'm helpless without you, Hayasaka.
[21:21] ---
    I'm going to sip some canned coffee
    as I hand him a heart. That's all.
[21:25] ---
    I'm going to do everything as planned.
[21:30] ---
    You've certainly grown strong.
[21:37] ---
    This is a test.
[21:39] ---
    Does Kaguya Shinomiya know
    who the real Miyuki Shirogane is?
[21:45] ---
    I do know.
[21:46] ---
    Because I've been watching you for so long.
[21:49] ---
    You're always so concerned about others...
[21:52] ---
    so you're sure to be somewhere
    that you can watch over the students.
[21:56] ---
    Meaning that you're in a spot
    where you can overlook the campfire,
[21:58] ---
    the predictor of the culture festival's
    success or failure.
[22:03] ---
    And as you're a romanticist
    who loves the stars,
[22:05] ---
    someone who's always striving for the top...
[22:08] ---
    The place at this academy
    that's closest to the sky...
[22:12] ---
    Now then, according to Hayasaka's plan,
    this is where I buy some coffee.
[22:20] ---
    1000 YEN
[22:24] ---
    Why does it keep spitting back my money?
[22:27] ---
    Wh-Why?
[22:29] ---
    Why did it have to break down now?
[22:31] ---
    You can do better than this,
    beverage company!
[22:36] ---
    Never mind the canned coffee.
[22:38] ---
    All I have to do is give President this heart.
[22:40] ---
    FUMBLE FUMBLE
[22:44] ---
    It's gone! Did I drop it somewhere?
[22:49] ---
    Save me, Hayasaka!
[22:51] ---
    Kaguya regrets what she said earlier.
[22:54] ---
    Meanwhile, having made elaborate plans,
[22:58] ---
    Shirogane has set up
    an infallible path to confession.
[23:02] ---
    You mean the "Read Shinomiya's mind
    and find her" game?
[23:02] ---
    What keeps him going is a strange exhilaration
    that he's displaying to the max.
[23:07] ---
    How do you feel about me, Shinomiya?
[23:09] ---
    Let's work part-time!
[23:10] ---
    Needless to say, he never fails
    to regain his composure the next day,
[23:12] ---
    and finds himself unable to function
    due to acute embarrassment.
[23:17] ---
    However, by this point, Shirogane
    is on the verge of returning to his senses!
[23:22] ---
    What am I wearing?
[23:24] ---
    What I'm doing is Fujiwara-level, isn't it?
[23:28] ---
    Normally, his exhilaration lasts for at least 24 hours,
    but the culture festival is a two-day affair.
[23:33] ---
    Time limit!
[23:35] ---
    At this moment,
    embarrassment is assaulting him!
[23:38] ---
    Shirogane's mysterious exhilaration
    has fizzled out.
[23:41] ---
    Kaguya's schemes have always been
    her mainstay, but now she's run out!
[23:46] ---
    Both parties have lost
    their greatest weapons
[23:48] ---
    and are now poised to face off
    in this crucial battle unarmed!
[23:52] ---
    However, even so...
[23:55] ---
    the time for the showdown will arrive!

Season 3 - Ultra Romantic

E13 - Dual Confessions, Part 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] ---
    Tsubame?
[01:33] ---
    DUAL CONFESSIONS, PART 2
[01:33] ---
    Your play was amazing.
[01:35] ---
    Really? Great to hear!
[01:37] ---
    Thanks!
[01:40] ---
    Tsubame!
[01:41] ---
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
    COMMITTEE
[01:42] ---
    Your play was the best!
[01:43] ---
    It was really great!
[01:45] ---
    Wow! You guys all came to see it?
[01:46] ---
    I thought tonight's afterparty would be
    the best time to confess to Tsubame...
[01:47] ---
    Of course we did!
[01:49] ---
    Thanks!
[01:51] ---
    but it wouldn't be cool to push other people aside
    just to get Tsubame all to myself, would it?
[02:04] ---
    Love is war!
[02:08] ---
    CONFESSION
[02:08] ---
    The person who falls in love loses.
[02:09] ---
    CONFESSION
[02:14] ---
    Humans play the ideal version
    of themselves,
[02:17] ---
    keep their displeasure to themselves
    and deceive others in order to be loved.
[02:21] ---
    Therefore, those in love live in terror.
[02:24] ---
    Without having a single certainty,
    the one hiding their true self...
[02:28] ---
    must convey their feelings into words
    to someone who's also hiding their true self.
[02:34] ---
    Otherwise, we can never move forward.
[02:37] ---
    Even if that means I lose.
[02:44] ---
    Just as I thought,
    you're Arsène, aren't you?
[02:47] ---
    Why would you do something like this?
[02:49] ---
    Why do you think?
[02:53] ---
    I'm afraid.
[02:55] ---
    I have no idea what President is thinking.
[02:58] ---
    He's always so gentle...
[03:00] ---
    and yet today, I find him terrifying.
[03:03] ---
    I'm about to confess my feelings for him,
    yet I'm too scared to even meet his gaze.
[03:08] ---
    This will be my last culture festival.
[03:10] ---
    I wanted to cut loose a little
    since it's my last chance to.
[03:14] ---
    Last...
[03:16] ---
    Well, that's just an excuse.
[03:18] ---
    There's something
    I want to show you, Shinomiya.
[03:21] ---
    How often do you get to see
    an afterparty campfire these days?
[03:26] ---
    Don't you think anyone would kill
    for the chance to see it from these VIP seats?
[03:32] ---
    And having you by my side
    is icing on the cake, Shinomiya.
[03:41] ---
    Hey, you did corner the phantom thief.
[03:43] ---
    I should've gotten
    some kind of prize for you.
[03:47] ---
    Is there anything you want me to do
    or is there something I can give you?
[03:54] ---
    There is.
[03:57] ---
    I want...
[03:58] ---
    you to stay by my side forever!
[04:01] ---
    I want you to confess to me!
[04:04] ---
    I'm sure you have no idea.
[04:06] ---
    I'd always believed that life
    was just a process of enduring pain...
[04:12] ---
    only to find that my values had changed dramatically,
    thanks to my days in the student council.
[04:18] ---
    And the more I realize
    how kindhearted you are,
[04:21] ---
    the more I'm filled with self-loathing.
[04:24] ---
    The way I look at other people to gauge
    their usefulness without a second thought...
[04:28] ---
    whether or not they'd be beneficial to me...
[04:32] ---
    What a cold, hateful woman I am,
    with nothing but ugliness in my heart.
[04:36] ---
    It's as if it's being driven home to me.
[04:38] ---
    So I always question whether or not
    someone like you could ever like me.
[04:45] ---
    That you're only kind to me
    because you're kind to everyone.
[04:49] ---
    That my glee is only being fueled
    by the misunderstanding...
[04:52] ---
    that I'm special to you!
[05:09] ---
    Shinomiya! Is something wrong?
[05:12] ---
    Sorry, did I embarrass you?
[05:14] ---
    I'm a little worked up now myself, so...
[05:16] ---
    It's not what you think, okay?
[05:18] ---
    I'm not doing this to embarrass you.
[05:24] ---
    Hey...
[05:25] ---
    Come on, say something, will you?
[05:27] ---
    I like you.
[05:29] ---
    I want you to go out with me!
[05:31] ---
    I love you!
[05:32] ---
    What in the world
    is that cosplay outfit for?
[05:35] ---
    If only you hadn't told me
    you were going to study abroad,
[05:37] ---
    I never would've had to confess my love
    for you as long as I lived!
[05:40] ---
    That's why I want to make you confess!
[05:42] ---
    Don't you know
    that if you confessed to me,
[05:44] ---
    your success rate would be 100%?
[05:52] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya...
[05:54] ---
    Let me show you something awesome.
[05:56] ---
    I was saving this for later...
[05:58] ---
    but it can't wait any longer.
[06:00] ---
    SHUCHIIN ACADEMY
[06:03] ---
    I told you there was something
    I wanted to show you, right?
[06:09] ---
    Because I just can't make
    any compromises.
[06:12] ---
    Because I just can't put it into words.
[06:14] ---
    I thought I'd give you
    the most amazing gift I could think of.
[06:45] ---
    Do you get it, Shinomiya?
[06:48] ---
    This is...
[06:49] ---
    how I feel about you.
[06:54] ---
    The Ultra Romantic Campaign!
[06:57] ---
    It's a plan that he set in motion
[07:00] ---
    the day he turned in
    his application to Stanford.
[07:02] ---
    MIKO IINO - PATROL DURING
    THE HOSHIN CULTURE FESTIVAL
    KAREN KINO - INTERVIEW
    PRESIDENT SHIROGANE
[07:04] ---
    STUDYING ABROAD
[07:06] ---
    I'm gonna look!
    I'm gonna look now, okay?
[07:08] ---
    To determine his relationship with Kaguya Shinomiya
    once and for all on the night of this culture festival...
[07:08] ---
    I'm really gonna look now, okay?
[07:10] ---
    Just hurry up, will you?
[07:14] ---
    What should he do toward that end?
[07:17] ---
    What should he say?
[07:20] ---
    He had found inspiration in his daily life.
[07:24] ---
    Cosplay.
[07:26] ---
    It might be cool to wear some kind of costume
    to give it that festival vibe.
[07:34] ---
    Hmm.
[07:37] ---
    This looks really promising.
[07:38] ---
    Shirogane's sense of style
    was stunted back in eighth grade.
[07:41] ---
    FIND LOVE!
    FORTUNE-TELLING
    FOR BEGINNERS
[07:41] ---
    BALLOON ART FOR BEGINNERS
    INTRODUCTION
[07:44] ---
    Balloon art.
[07:45] ---
    Come to think of it,
    this is what our class is doing, huh?
[07:48] ---
    That was when a certain scenario
    popped into Shirogane's mind.
[07:53] ---
    Not bad.
[07:54] ---
    But actually getting it done
    is going to be a huge hassle.
[07:58] ---
    Whatever I end up doing, I have to ward off
    Fujiwara or it will be a lost cause.
[08:03] ---
    The best way to contain that one...
[08:04] ---
    This can't be anything
    but a challenge thrown down to me!
[08:08] ---
    A mystery.
[08:10] ---
    So, I'll cosplay as a phantom thief, and...
[08:13] ---
    I've come to claim the culture festival.
[08:13] ---
    I've come to claim your heart. Arsène.
[08:16] ---
    Warnings.
[08:17] ---
    If I'm not mistaken,
    in Greek, "arsène" means...
[08:19] ---
    "Masculine."
[08:21] ---
    I'm going to need hundreds of hearts.
[08:23] ---
    The Hoshin Legend.
[08:24] ---
    I'll insert them into a weather balloon...
[08:27] ---
    Balloon art crafting.
[08:28] ---
    ...and pop it to release them all at once!
[08:32] ---
    What did Iino say during the election?
[08:34] ---
    It used to be a yearly event
    until three years ago,
[08:37] ---
    but the neighborhood association
    has stopped granting us permission!
[08:40] ---
    Campfire.
[08:43] ---
    The hundreds of balloons that burst out
    ride the upper air current of the campfire...
[08:47] ---
    and hover dozens of meters aboveground.
[08:50] ---
    From a height, the view will be heavenly
    for the next few minutes!
[08:54] ---
    I'D LIKE TO HAVE
    A CAMPFIRE
[08:55] ---
    That's why I sent Iino and Ishigami
    to the culture festival committee.
[08:58] ---
    I made sure that there were
    as many food stalls as possible in Iino's path.
[09:02] ---
    And if I schedule
    Tsubame's play for a later time slot,
[09:05] ---
    then that will take care of Ishigami.
[09:06] ---
    These are Shirogane's behind-the-scenes
    machinations to make the culture festival his own!
[09:11] ---
    Everything he did was for the sake
    of ending up in this situation.
[09:15] ---
    All of this was what Shirogane
    had prepared for her.
[09:18] ---
    I don't have Shinomiya's intellect...
[09:21] ---
    or her competence.
[09:23] ---
    My family's social standing
    pales in comparison to hers.
[09:29] ---
    Back when we first met,
[09:31] ---
    I bet you didn't have
    the slightest interest in me.
[09:35] ---
    So I worked my tail off. I think
    I worked harder than I'd ever worked in my life.
[09:39] ---
    NUMBER 1 - MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    NUMBER 2 - KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[09:40] ---
    That time when you were playing for keeps...
    I still beat your test scores.
[09:43] ---
    I couldn't have been more thrilled!
[09:45] ---
    You probably have no idea!
[09:48] ---
    Maybe, just maybe,
    I can become your equal!
[09:51] ---
    That hope roused me to no end!
[09:54] ---
    That's precisely why I can't ask you
    to go out with me.
[09:58] ---
    If I take the hand that you extend to me
    after imploring you to when I confess...
[10:03] ---
    it means I'll never be your equal
    as long as I live!
[10:09] ---
    I need you to want me
    and confess your love for me.
[10:13] ---
    Only then can I feel like your equal!
[10:16] ---
    That's why...
[10:18] ---
    I can't confess to you first.
[10:21] ---
    But...
[10:23] ---
    there's something I wanna tell you.
[10:50] ---
    Hey...
[10:51] ---
    Do you think maybe the phantom thief
    is up on top of the clock tower?
[10:54] ---
    What do you mean?
[10:56] ---
    He must've calculated the campfire's position
    and all to make the balloons drift that way, right?
[11:02] ---
    Huh? Why would he do that?
[11:03] ---
    To create an environment
    to confess to someone to, what else?
[11:07] ---
    Not in a million years!
[11:09] ---
    How many people even have
    that kind of authority?
[11:12] ---
    Besides, if the only ones with the key to the clock
    tower are the faculty and the student council...
[11:21] ---
    Well, well, Momo!
[11:23] ---
    You certainly seem sleepy.
[11:26] ---
    So do you, Principal.
[11:30] ---
    Hey, Ryuju...
[11:32] ---
    I want to collect all the heart balloons
    across the academy
[11:35] ---
    and stick them into this huge one.
[11:38] ---
    Can you help me out?
[11:39] ---
    Huh?
[11:39] ---
    Not on your life!
[11:41] ---
    Why should I even...
[11:43] ---
    Is that your answer? What an ingrate.
[11:46] ---
    Putain...
[11:47] ---
    Principal...
[11:49] ---
    I have the right to ask
    for two letters of recommendation, don't I?
[11:53] ---
    Since I don't need the second one, would it be
    possible to give that right to the vice president?
[11:58] ---
    Oh yes.
[11:59] ---
    As long as that's what you want, it's fine.
[12:02] ---
    Then, could you write a letter
    of recommendation for Shinomiya, please?
[12:06] ---
    She might be needing it right away.
[12:08] ---
    What?
[12:09] ---
    Right away?
[12:11] ---
    He can be too much sometimes, huh?
[12:18] ---
    Wh-Why are you laughing?
[12:20] ---
    Oh no.
[12:21] ---
    I had a feeling you had
    something in store,
[12:24] ---
    but I never dreamed
    it'd be something this ridiculous!
[12:28] ---
    Sure, but it did take a lot of work
    to get all this ready!
[12:32] ---
    That's why I'm laughing!
[12:35] ---
    Really... What on earth
    are you hoping to achieve by doing this?
[12:40] ---
    Even if you hadn't gone
    to all this trouble, I—
[12:43] ---
    Of course there's a meaning to this.
[12:44] ---
    This is all to lay the groundwork
    for you to grant my wish, Shinomiya.
[12:49] ---
    Your wish?
[12:51] ---
    Something more pressing and important than
    making you confess first or going out with you.
[12:59] ---
    It's...
[13:02] ---
    A once-in-a-lifetime wish from me to you!
[13:07] ---
    Apply to Stanford, Shinomiya!
[13:09] ---
    Come with me to the U.S.!
[13:12] ---
    TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER
[13:19] ---
    What you're asking is absurd!
[13:22] ---
    There's no way that my father
    would ever allow me to do so,
[13:25] ---
    and how insanely competitive is Stanford?
[13:28] ---
    Not to mention,
    it might be too late to apply now—
[13:31] ---
    You can make the deadline, Shinomiya!
    Come with me!
[13:33] ---
    Uh...
[13:35] ---
    Um, what shall I do?
[13:42] ---
    All right, then, yes!
[13:44] ---
    Very well!
[13:46] ---
    I, too, will go to Stanford!
[13:49] ---
    I-It's kind of scary to see you
    make up your mind just like that.
[13:53] ---
    What do you mean, just like that?
[13:55] ---
    I pondered hard with the intent
    to abandon my family!
[13:58] ---
    Also scary.
[14:01] ---
    Oh, it seems to me
    like my life's taken a dramatic turn!
[14:06] ---
    So many things to take care of!
[14:08] ---
    Um, I'm going to need SAT scores, right?
[14:11] ---
    Studying... Convincing my father...
    Or else removing all obstacles in my path...
[14:15] ---
    Really, there's so much to do,
    my head is spinning!
[14:19] ---
    All right, now what?
[14:20] ---
    Also... Also... How am I going to explain this
    to Miss Fujiwara and the others?
[14:21] ---
    I was hoping that Shinomiya
    would confess to me right around now.
[14:25] ---
    By the way, President,
[14:26] ---
    you did offer a prize to anyone
    who caught the phantom thief, didn't you?
[14:30] ---
    Yeah.
[14:31] ---
    Now that you mention it, I did.
[14:33] ---
    Can I ask for anything?
[14:35] ---
    What? Well, if it's something
    in my power to give.
[14:40] ---
    I'm going to hold you to that!
[14:48] ---
    I hope you all get burned to a crisp.
[14:51] ---
    Maki!
[14:54] ---
    Dance with me!
[14:56] ---
    No, thanks. Go on
    and dance with your boyfriend.
[14:59] ---
    I'd rather dance with you.
[15:02] ---
    Why would you?
[15:03] ---
    Because...
[15:04] ---
    you're supposed to dance
    with the person you like the best, right?
[15:08] ---
    Oh?
[15:09] ---
    You like me better than Tsubasa?
[15:12] ---
    Of course I do.
[15:25] ---
    Great, looks like everyone's having fun!
[15:27] ---
    This is the best party we've had in years!
[15:29] ---
    I wish Miko could've seen it, too.
[15:33] ---
    She's patrolling the grounds
    all by herself right now.
[15:36] ---
    That girl always gets
    the short end of the stick.
[15:39] ---
    You worried about her?
[15:40] ---
    You don't have to force yourself
    to be with me, you know.
[15:43] ---
    No.
[15:44] ---
    It's high time
    I weaned myself off Miko.
[15:48] ---
    Since it seems like I took away her chance
    to grow by being hyperprotective.
[15:55] ---
    Everyone's having such a blast.
[16:00] ---
    Hey, look at you.
[16:03] ---
    Ishigami!
[16:04] ---
    What do you want?
[16:05] ---
    I have something for you, Iino.
[16:11] ---
    What?
[16:12] ---
    I found it on the ground
    in front of the locker rooms.
[16:15] ---
    Lost items go
    to the Disciplinary Committee, right?
[16:17] ---
    Oh...
[16:20] ---
    You gave me a start there.
[16:21] ---
    Why?
[16:23] ---
    No reason!
[16:26] ---
    I also recorded this for you.
[16:36] ---
    Since everyone's so stoked
    about the campfire,
[16:39] ---
    I thought you should see it.
[16:43] ---
    You should've sent
    someone else out on patrol duty.
[16:46] ---
    You made it happen,
    so what are you doing here?
[16:51] ---
    Thanks, Ishigami.
[16:53] ---
    Everyone's smiling!
[16:56] ---
    That's great to see, isn't it, Ishigami?
[17:01] ---
    Yeah.
[17:07] ---
    And so...
[17:08] ---
    as this rollercoaster ride of a culture festival
    is about to draw to a close...
[17:16] ---
    If we apply the Polybius theory to the numbers
    we derived from the longitude, and then scytale them...
[17:22] ---
    You're just making that up
    as you go along, aren't you?
[17:23] ---
    You're totally trying
    to wring out a solution!
[17:26] ---
    This should be it.
[17:28] ---
    There's nothing here though.
[17:47] ---
    No way!
[17:48] ---
    It's a miracle!
[17:53] ---
    Is this a lookout tower?
[17:55] ---
    Left over from wartime, I guess.
[17:59] ---
    What's the view like from here, I wonder.
[18:08] ---
    Canaan!
[18:09] ---
    Karen?
[18:13] ---
    "Through the tender mercy of our God;
[18:17] ---
    whereby the dayspring from on high
    hath visited us,
[18:21] ---
    to give light to them that sit in darkness
    and in the shadow of death,
[18:23] ---
    to guide our feet into the way of peace."
[18:27] ---
    The Gospel According to Luke,
    Chapter 1: 78-79.
[18:31] ---
    Karen!
[18:45] ---
    What was it?
[18:46] ---
    What was it that you just saw?
[18:47] ---
    Hey, come on!
[18:48] ---
    Hmm...
[18:49] ---
    Let me look, too!
[18:50] ---
    The balloons are in the way,
    I can't see a thing!
[18:52] ---
    What in the world did you see?
[19:35] ---
    This is how I feel about you.
[19:46] ---
    HEART
    TO
    HEART
[19:46] ---
    HOSHIN
    CULTURE
    FESTIVAL
[19:46] ---
    LET YOUR
    BURNING
    LOVE
    REACH
    EVERYONE!
[19:54] ---
    There's so much to think about.
[19:57] ---
    I think I was able
    to let her know how I feel,
[19:59] ---
    but it's not as if I put it into words
    and asked her to go out with me.
[20:04] ---
    What's our relationship going to be like
    starting tomorrow?
[20:06] ---
    And there's also the matter of Stanford.
[20:09] ---
    I've got so much to think about!
[20:12] ---
    But that kiss at the end
    left such a huge impact on me,
[20:15] ---
    I can't get my thoughts
    in any kind of order!
[20:20] ---
    And then! And then!
[20:21] ---
    Tons of those small balloons went soaring!
[20:24] ---
    CHEERFUL CHEERFUL
[20:25] ---
    It was totally, totally gorgeous!
[20:27] ---
    THE SHUCHIIN AFTERPARTY
[20:28] ---
    There are numerous things
    I'd like you to tell me,
[20:30] ---
    but let me start by asking you this.
[20:33] ---
    The kiss...
[20:34] ---
    What was it actually like?
[20:36] ---
    I don't know! It was awesome!
[20:39] ---
    Is that... right?
[20:42] ---
    Did you know, Hayasaka?
[20:43] ---
    It's a lie that your first kiss tastes like lemon!
[20:47] ---
    President had just had a corn dog,
    so it tasted a bit like ketchup!
[20:52] ---
    Taste?
[20:53] ---
    A kiss has a taste, then?
[20:55] ---
    Well, why not? People eat
    with their mouths after all.
[21:00] ---
    But it did take a bit more time
    than I thought!
[21:02] ---
    It was easy enough
    to put our lips together,
[21:05] ---
    but after that point, things got tricky!
[21:08] ---
    After that point?
[21:09] ---
    Just hold on a second!
[21:11] ---
    The goal of a kiss
    is to put your lips together!
[21:13] ---
    There's no "after that point"!
    Just what did you do?
[21:16] ---
    Oh my! You're so ignorant, Hayasaka!
[21:20] ---
    You can't give the person you love
    just any ordinary kiss!
[21:22] ---
    KAGUYA'S
    KISSING
    ADVICE
[21:26] ---
    Let the lesson begin.
[21:28] ---
    See? As you bring your lips together...
[21:31] ---
    you go like this with your tongue!
    That's how grown-ups do it!
[21:34] ---
    I know for a fact
    that Miss Kashiwagi and Tsubasa...
[21:37] ---
    WAR CRIMINAL
[21:42] ---
    You didn't know that, Hayasaka?
[21:45] ---
    How cute!
[21:47] ---
    Id...
[21:49] ---
    Idiot!
[21:53] ---
    Today's culture festival...
[21:55] ---
    Having blundered at the very end,
[21:57] ---
    Kaguya loses.
[21:59] ---
    Huh?
[22:00] ---
    Right at the very end.
[22:02] ---
    Really, that's so like you, Lady Kaguya.
[22:05] ---
    Come to think of it,
    President still hasn't confessed to me!
[22:09] ---
    Do you still need a confession
    after you've already kissed?
[22:13] ---
    I wanna hear him say it
    so I can confirm it!
[22:15] ---
    After all, confessing his feelings to me
    shows how much he cares, right?
[22:20] ---
    I mean, of course I want the person I love
    to tell me he loves me!
[22:24] ---
    I get it.
[22:25] ---
    That's what I've been striving
    for all this time! To make him say it!
[22:28] ---
    I'm not going to give up on that now!
[22:32] ---
    I wonder if there's a good way
    to accomplish that!
[22:35] ---
    So at the end of the day...
[22:40] ---
    Lady Kaguya does want to make him confess.
[22:44] ---
    CONFESSION
[22:45] ---
    KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
    -ULTRA ROMANTIC-
[24:28] ---
    Hello!
[24:31] ---
    The Tabletop Game Club
    has created a new game!
[24:33] ---
    Let's play it together!
[24:35] ---
    Huh? Hard pass for me.
[24:37] ---
    It's just another crappy game, right?
[24:40] ---
    Are you sure about that?
[24:42] ---
    I'll have you know that thanks
    to your critique last time, Ishigami,
[24:45] ---
    this is the new and improved
    Happy Life Game II!
[24:48] ---
    Last time?
[24:50] ---
    I wasn't part of that, was I?
[24:52] ---
    Come on now! For Miko's sake, too!
[24:54] ---
    Then just make Iino play it.
[24:56] ---
    You're playing, too, Ishigami!
[24:58] ---
    Please join us over here,
    President and Kaguya!
[25:00] ---
    HAPPY LIFE GAME II
[25:02] ---
    Well, well, I guess we'll have to.
[25:06] ---
    We're going head-to-head again,
    huh, Shinomiya?
[25:09] ---
    Yes, President!
[25:12] ---
    I'm sitting here!
[25:13] ---
    No, since I sat here last time—
[25:15] ---
    That has nothing to do with this time!
[25:17] ---
    Come on, you two, if you're going to brawl,
    please do it during gameplay!
[25:20] ---
    Oh, um, fine.
[25:22] ---
    So, I get the seat of honor, right?
[25:24] ---
    Gah! That's the same as me!
[25:25] ---
    The end.
[25:26] ---
    Don't bring back that horrible memory!

The First Kiss That Never Ends

The First Kiss That Never Ends

M1 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Talk Things Over

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    DECEMBER 20
[00:04] ---
    Did you hear?
[00:05] ---
    MIDDLE
    JUMP
[00:06] ---
    Apparently at Mid Jump, sexual content is okay
    if it doesn't go on for more than four pages.
[00:10] ---
    What? That sounds obscene.
[00:12] ---
    Right. It is obscene.
[00:14] ---
    The cover for that magazine
    is obscene, as well.
[00:16] ---
    Agreed. It is obscene, isn't it?
[00:18] ---
    CHRISTMAS CAKE
    ACCEPTING ORDERS
[00:18] ---
    While we've been focused
    on the culture festival,
[00:21] ---
    the rest of the world
    has gone into Christmas-mode.
[00:21] ---
    NO OCCUPANCY
[00:24] ---
    All these couples using Christmas Eve
    as a pretext for hooking up...
[00:27] ---
    No vacancies
    at any of the love hotels.
[00:28] ---
    NO OCCUPANCY
[00:30] ---
    At the end of the day,
    our world revolves around sex!
[00:33] ---
    Awful! Awful! So obscene!
[00:35] ---
    They all have nothing
    but indecent thoughts on their minds!
[00:37] ---
    And then... And then...
[00:38] ---
    Indecent thoughts, huh?
[00:42] ---
    What was that kiss, then?
[00:44] ---
    There were...
[00:46] ---
    all these tiny balloons everywhere!
[00:49] ---
    SQUEAL SQUEAL
[00:49] ---
    It was gorgeous beyond belief!
[00:52] ---
    And then, President told me
    to apply to Stanford!
[00:56] ---
    That is, he ordered me
    to join him in the U.S.!
[00:59] ---
    Stanford?
[01:00] ---
    I know! What was he thinking?
[01:02] ---
    But the way he said it with that blush
    on his face was just so adorable!
[01:06] ---
    I said yes in spite of myself!
[01:12] ---
    And in spite of myself, I kissed him!
[01:16] ---
    Did you know, Hayasaka?
[01:18] ---
    When you kiss someone you like,
    it can't be a regular kiss!
[01:20] ---
    LADY KAGUYA'S
    KEY TIPS FOR KISSING
[01:24] ---
    Class is now in session!
[01:26] ---
    You place your lips together like so.
[01:29] ---
    The grown-up way is to slip your tongue in.
[01:32] ---
    Miss Kashiwagi and her boyfriend actually...
[01:35] ---
    WAR CRIMINAL
[01:41] ---
    So, you didn't know that,
    did you, Hayasaka?
[01:44] ---
    How cute.
[01:46] ---
    Idi...
[01:47] ---
    Idiot!
[01:52] ---
    What?
[03:22] ---
    DECEMBER 21
[03:25] ---
    With the culture festival over,
    the student council goes back to normal life.
[03:30] ---
    Good work.
[03:30] ---
    But the scars still
    run deep.
[03:31] ---
    Ishigami's here!
[03:33] ---
    And Shirogane's battle
    is far from over!
[03:37] ---
    I let her know how I feel!
[03:40] ---
    I even kissed her!
[03:42] ---
    And it was a pretty intense one!
[03:44] ---
    Meaning...
[03:46] ---
    we can be considered
    boyfriend and girlfriend now?
[03:50] ---
    But how pure was that kiss, really?
[03:54] ---
    If I'd mismanaged
    the distance between us here...
[03:57] ---
    What's this, President? One kiss,
    and you're acting like my boyfriend?
[04:01] ---
    That kiss only happened
    because we were having a moment.
[04:04] ---
    Surely you don't think
    that a kiss makes us lovers now?
[04:07] ---
    That's exactly how a cherry boy's mind would work.
[04:08] ---
    CHERRY BOY
[04:10] ---
    How cute.
[04:12] ---
    GAH
[04:15] ---
    President, are you all right?
[04:18] ---
    Uh, yeah, I'm fine.
[04:21] ---
    Today, I'm going to set things straight
    with Shinomiya!
[04:24] ---
    No matter what!
[04:29] ---
    Here she comes!
[04:32] ---
    DAINTY
[04:40] ---
    TROT TROT
[04:43] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya...
[04:44] ---
    Wait, what?
[04:47] ---
    Doesn't she seem different today?
[04:49] ---
    Now that you mention it,
[04:51] ---
    Oh... Oh... Oh... Oh... Oh...
[04:51] ---
    she does look
    more childish than usual.
[04:53] ---
    Oh! Little Kaguya!
[04:56] ---
    - Little Kaguya?
    - Little Kaguya?
[04:58] ---
    Little Kaguya! Little Kaguya! Little Kaguya!
[05:03] ---
    I didn't think we'd get to see you this year!
[05:06] ---
    Everyone! How lucky are we
    to get to see Little Kaguya?
[05:10] ---
    Wh-What the heck
    do you mean by "Little Kaguya"?
[05:13] ---
    Kaguya's personality undergoes slight shifts
    depending on her mental state that day.
[05:17] ---
    You're all aware of that, right?
[05:19] ---
    Little Kaguya can only show up if she meets
    the most stringent conditions.
[05:22] ---
    60% happy, 40% in denial and, on top
    of that, she has to be sleep-deprived.
[05:23] ---
    IN DENIAL
[05:27] ---
    Every single one of these boxes
    needs to be checked.
[05:29] ---
    LITTLE KAGUYA
[05:30] ---
    And only when her psychological balance hits
    that sweet spot does this rare Little Kaguya appear!
[05:35] ---
    Rare Kaguya?
[05:37] ---
    Even I've still only seen her three times!
[05:40] ---
    How is this even possible?
[05:41] ---
    That's right!
[05:42] ---
    DECEMBER 20
[05:43] ---
    The conditions had already been met
    the previous night!
[05:46] ---
    A grown-up kiss!
[05:48] ---
    In a nutshell,
    a dizzying array of kisses exist.
[05:51] ---
    A kiss on the cheek or hand
    signifying affection.
[05:54] ---
    A kiss on the lips
    indicating a close relationship.
[05:57] ---
    And...
[05:59] ---
    the more meaningful kind of kiss.
[06:02] ---
    LOVE BIBLE
[06:02] ---
    Isn't this the way
    one normally kisses the one she loves?
[06:05] ---
    KISSES THAT WORK
    FOR ROMANCE
[06:06] ---
    It says so in the books I've read.
[06:08] ---
    Even Miss Kashiwagi and her boyfriend...
[06:14] ---
    Miss Kashiwagi?
[06:15] ---
    Yes?
[06:16] ---
    Miss Kashiwagi...
[06:17] ---
    Is that how one typically
    goes about kissing another?
[06:21] ---
    Huh? Um... Um—
[06:23] ---
    That was a special kind of kiss
    you only give to the person you love!
[06:27] ---
    So whatever you do,
    don't kiss anyone else like that, okay?
[06:30] ---
    Understood!
[06:31] ---
    War criminal.
[06:33] ---
    Such disinformation was pumped
    into Kaguya, a stranger to girl talk...
[06:33] ---
    The kind of kiss you only give
    to the one you love...
[06:36] ---
    To the one you love!
[06:36] ---
    And she ends up doing just that.
[06:39] ---
    That was your first-ever kiss?
[06:41] ---
    You aren't in a love scene
    in a Hollywood movie!
[06:44] ---
    In other words, it's a regular kiss, right?
[06:46] ---
    Not by a long shot!
[06:47] ---
    You shouldn't be kissing like that
    on school grounds!
[06:50] ---
    That's something
    you should be doing in bed!
[06:54] ---
    That kind of kiss...
[06:55] ---
    practically amounts to having sex!
[06:58] ---
    Se...
[07:01] ---
    ...x?
[07:02] ---
    She managed to say it.
[07:03] ---
    Wait!
[07:04] ---
    What do you mean by "sex"?
[07:07] ---
    All I did was insert my tongue
    into his oral cavity!
[07:10] ---
    That can't possibly be sex!
[07:14] ---
    It's totally sex.
[07:16] ---
    It's something you do
    in the process of having sex.
[07:19] ---
    Stop repeating the word "sex"!
[07:21] ---
    You've been repeating it
    yourself, Lady Kaguya!
[07:24] ---
    Well, Christmas is around the corner.
[07:26] ---
    Since you've gotten this far already,
[07:28] ---
    it will be a breeze to take it
    to the next level and have sex.
[07:30] ---
    Good for you.
[07:31] ---
    Wait! Why on earth would you go there?
[07:34] ---
    Don't people normally wait at least a month or two
    after their first kiss to engage in that sort of thing?
[07:34] ---
    HOLLER HOLLER
[07:36] ---
    HOLLER HOLLER
[07:38] ---
    HOLLER HOLLER
[07:39] ---
    It's a different story if you've already
    gone that far with your first kiss!
[07:40] ---
    HOLLER HOLLER
[07:43] ---
    I'm just not getting through to you.
[07:45] ---
    This is why children like you
    who've never been kissed...
[07:49] ---
    You're thinking of something
    unbelievably infuriating right now, aren't you?
[07:53] ---
    I'm getting nowhere with this!
[07:55] ---
    Let me ask someone with experience
    about what to actually expect!
[07:58] ---
    MISS KASHIWAGI
    NOW DIALING
[08:03] ---
    Hello? Kaguya? What a surprise!
[08:06] ---
    Is something wrong?
[08:07] ---
    I'd like to ask you something,
    Miss Kashiwagi.
[08:10] ---
    What is it? Ask me anything!
[08:11] ---
    Well, you see...
[08:13] ---
    About how long did you wait
    to have sex after your first kiss?
[08:18] ---
    I-I'll have you know, Tsubasa and I
    have never done anything so indec—
[08:20] ---
    Please don't ridicule me!
[08:22] ---
    I couldn't be more serious than I am now!
[08:25] ---
    What?
[08:26] ---
    This is a serious conversation?
[08:34] ---
    After that first kiss,
[08:36] ---
    maybe two months.
[08:37] ---
    Of course! You'd wait
    at least that long, right?
[08:41] ---
    Then, how long after a grown-up kiss?
[08:46] ---
    About 40 seconds.
[08:50] ---
    Seconds?
[08:52] ---
    Are you finally starting
    to see the light, Lady Kaguya?
[08:56] ---
    Just acknowledge it!
[08:57] ---
    That because your first kiss was a deep dive,
[08:59] ---
    chances are that President sees you
    as a super-nympho lust monster!
[09:04] ---
    A super-nympho lust monster?
[09:11] ---
    How...
[09:13] ---
    How can I possibly look him
    in the eye tomorrow?
[09:16] ---
    In an abrupt about-face
    after that Ultra Romantic night,
[09:16] ---
    THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE SEX!!
[09:17] ---
    A SUPER-NYMPHO
    LUST MONSTER!?
[09:18] ---
    the point that Hayasaka brought up
    has caused her to spend a night of agony!
[09:22] ---
    MNGH
    NNGH
[09:22] ---
    And sleep-deprivation ensues!
[09:24] ---
    Kaguya's brain plunges even further
    into the depths of malfunction!
[09:27] ---
    Resulting in two straight days of zero IQ!
[09:32] ---
    Intellectually, it's Black Monday!
[09:34] ---
    And...
[09:34] ---
    Rare Kaguya?
[09:36] ---
    Descent.
[09:37] ---
    This is a hundred times better
    than her being scary, so I accept it!
[09:39] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[09:41] ---
    Damn! Today of all days,
    I really wanted to talk to Shinomiya!
[09:46] ---
    In this state,
    I can't even get through to her!
[09:46] ---
    GRIND
    GRIND
[09:50] ---
    This is bad!
[09:52] ---
    Wh-Wh-What is it, Shinomiya?
[09:56] ---
    Pwesident, good morning!
[09:59] ---
    Actually, maybe it's perfect.
[10:01] ---
    Who is this adorable creature?
[10:03] ---
    Needless to say,
    she's in a super-deformed state.
[10:07] ---
    This is how she appears to everyone.
[10:09] ---
    Tell me, how old are you, Little Kaguya?
[10:12] ---
    Um... Um... Seventeen?
[10:14] ---
    Seventeen, huh? What a sweetheart!
[10:17] ---
    CONGRATULATIONS
    ON COMING OF AGE
[10:17] ---
    Did you know? If you're 17,
    then next year, you'll be an adult!
[10:22] ---
    It's not a good look to take advantage of someone
    when they're vulnerable, Ishigami. So cut it out.
[10:26] ---
    Oh!
[10:28] ---
    So cuddly and fluffy!
    I want to display you at my house!
[10:31] ---
    SQUISH
    SQUISH
[10:35] ---
    WHACK
[10:35] ---
    Ouch!
[10:37] ---
    SQUISH
    SQUISH
[10:38] ---
    Hey! You can't hit people, you bad girl!
[10:40] ---
    We just caught a glimpse
    of Shinomiya's inner psyche, right?
[10:44] ---
    Can't you see she doesn't like that?
[10:44] ---
    SQUIRM
    SQUIRM
[10:46] ---
    Just let her go, okay?
[10:47] ---
    Oh, she's totally fine!
[10:49] ---
    Little Kaguya loves me the best, don't you?
[10:52] ---
    Go on, show us
    who your favorites are in order!
[10:56] ---
    Number one.
[10:57] ---
    Huh?
[10:58] ---
    Number two.
[10:59] ---
    Huh?
[11:00] ---
    Number three.
[11:02] ---
    What are you talking about?
[11:03] ---
    Don't ask me, but I think
    she just went with the flow there.
[11:08] ---
    MINI DONUTS
[11:09] ---
    Here.
[11:09] ---
    What?
[11:10] ---
    You're giving me a snack?
[11:11] ---
    SMITTEN
[11:12] ---
    Thanks!
[11:13] ---
    Here.
[11:14] ---
    Hey, thanks!
[11:16] ---
    Here.
[11:17] ---
    You're giving me one, too?
[11:19] ---
    Oh...
[11:20] ---
    RATTLE...
[11:24] ---
    Sniff!
[11:25] ---
    I'll run out and get some candy!
[11:26] ---
    We're going at top speed,
    so hang on, okay?
[11:35] ---
    Listen, Shinomiya, about yesterday...
[11:39] ---
    Pwesident...
[11:40] ---
    You're breathing!
[11:41] ---
    We're the same!
[11:43] ---
    It's no good. We can't talk like this.
[11:46] ---
    Right now, it seems like Shinomiya's brain
    is the size of an orange.
[11:51] ---
    She's probably seeing a different world than I am.
[11:54] ---
    Come to think of it, I've heard
    that if the gap between your IQ is 20 or so,
[11:57] ---
    there's no way
    you can hold a conversation.
[12:01] ---
    In that case...
[12:03] ---
    Chinomiya!
[12:06] ---
    Pwesident?
[12:07] ---
    Chinomiya, let's talk!
[12:09] ---
    Okay! Let's!
[12:11] ---
    What should we talk about?
[12:13] ---
    Anything you want!
[12:14] ---
    Chinomiya! Chinomiya!
[12:16] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:17] ---
    Chinomiya!
[12:19] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:20] ---
    They're holding a conversation,
    and it's scarily devoid of substance.
[12:28] ---
    I'm sorry I'm late—
[12:29] ---
    Chinomiya! Chinomiya!
[12:31] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:32] ---
    Chinomiya! Chinomiya!
[12:33] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:35] ---
    Chinomiya! Chinomiya!
[12:36] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:38] ---
    Chinomiya! Chinomiya! Chinomiya! Chinomiya!
[12:40] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident! Pwesident! Pwesident!
[12:45] ---
    Aren't you both too old
    to be doing whatever this is?
[12:47] ---
    Super-deformed is just super-deformed.
[12:51] ---
    DECEMBER 20
[12:52] ---
    Three days until Christmas Eve!
[12:54] ---
    Having shared a grown-up kiss,
[12:56] ---
    these two are about to see the curtain go up
    on this year's final romantic battle of minds!
[13:03] ---
    For Hayasaka, it was the morning from hell.
[13:09] ---
    Little Kaguya's fast asleep, huh?
[13:11] ---
    I'm not surprised.
[13:11] ---
    MNGH
    NNGH
[13:12] ---
    The culture festival must've worn her out.
[13:14] ---
    Let's let her get some real rest.
[13:16] ---
    BAKED
    SENBEI
[13:16] ---
    MIDDLE
    JUMP
[13:16] ---
    Hey, almost forgot.
    I brought this week's Mid Jump.
[13:20] ---
    Great! Thank you!
[13:21] ---
    TWO PUNCH MAN
[13:21] ---
    MS. KUBO
    DOESN'T MAKE IT
    COMPLICATED
[13:22] ---
    That's lewd material you have there.
    I'm confiscating it.
[13:24] ---
    Where'd you come from, Iino?
[13:28] ---
    Look, Iino...
[13:29] ---
    can you at least wait
    until President finishes it?
[13:32] ---
    Negative! The rules are the rules!
[13:34] ---
    You only have yourself to blame
    for bringing in contraband!
[13:36] ---
    It's the same old, same old, huh?
[13:38] ---
    Makes you wonder if it's going to be
    like this until we graduate.
[13:41] ---
    We're going to be
    at each other's throats until the end.
[13:43] ---
    I have no idea why...
[13:45] ---
    but whenever you do something to me,
    I can't rest until I get back at you.
[13:49] ---
    What?
[13:52] ---
    If you promise never to bring
    anything like this again,
[13:56] ---
    I'll let you have your book back.
[13:58] ---
    Just keep your word on that,
    and the odds of us getting along might be...
[14:03] ---
    more than...
[14:04] ---
    zero.
[14:11] ---
    That's not going to happen.
    I'm so going to bring another one next week.
[14:18] ---
    How do you not see
    that it's your own fault?
[14:20] ---
    PUNCH
    MISS
[14:20] ---
    Seriously? What's going on here?
[14:20] ---
    Are you stupid? Are you?
[14:22] ---
    An old-school brawl?
[14:22] ---
    Ouch! I'll bring it, no matter what!
[14:24] ---
    Ts-Tsubame!
[14:27] ---
    Don't mind us, please.
    We're always like this.
[14:28] ---
    After I made such a huge concession...
[14:29] ---
    Well, if you say so.
[14:31] ---
    Oh, right! There's something
    I wanted to ask you, Yu.
[14:35] ---
    What is it?
[14:36] ---
    Do you think you'll be free
    on Christmas Eve?
[14:41] ---
    What is this? No way!
[14:43] ---
    U-Um, if you don't feel like it,
    you can totally say no, okay?
[14:48] ---
    Wanna come over that day?
[14:50] ---
    I'll be there!
[14:51] ---
    Yay!
[14:52] ---
    YAY
[14:52] ---
    Whoa, Tsubame's house? On Christmas?
[14:55] ---
    In Tsubame's room?
[14:59] ---
    That's beyond perverted!
[15:02] ---
    Oh! It's not like that!
    I was planning to invite you, too, Iino!
[15:06] ---
    For a threesome?
[15:07] ---
    No! I'll be inviting a lot of people!
    I'm going to throw a party!
[15:10] ---
    It's an orgy!
[15:11] ---
    Shut up, you clueless
    Disciplinary Committee member!
[15:13] ---
    How do you not get that she's talking
    about a Christmas party?
[15:16] ---
    O-O-Oh!
[15:18] ---
    Oh, sorry. That just never crossed
    my mind when I said it.
[15:23] ---
    Hey, if Iino wasn't around,
    I totally would've gotten the wrong idea, too.
[15:27] ---
    I'm inviting the Cheerleading Squad
    and the Culture Festival Committee.
[15:30] ---
    Rei says she'll be coming, too!
[15:31] ---
    Rei?
[15:32] ---
    Tsubame!
[15:34] ---
    All right, I'm in the middle
    of an errand here...
[15:37] ---
    so let me know if you're coming!
[15:39] ---
    STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
[15:40] ---
    Hey, Ishigami...
[15:43] ---
    Are you free on Christmas Eve?
[15:45] ---
    Wanna come over that day?
[15:47] ---
    Oh, are you having a Christmas party?
[15:50] ---
    I'm surprised you made the connection.
[15:52] ---
    So, let's have a Christmas party for everyone in the
    student council! I'll provide my home as the venue!
[15:56] ---
    You'll come, too, won't you, Kaguya?
[15:58] ---
    MNGH
    NNGH
[15:59] ---
    That's a yes!
[16:00] ---
    Isn't she just moaning in her sleep?
[16:02] ---
    You won't have to spend another lonely Eve
    all by yourself this year, Ishigami!
[16:06] ---
    Thanks to Chika,
    your brilliant event planner—
[16:08] ---
    Hey, sorry, Senpai...
[16:10] ---
    but on Christmas Eve,
[16:12] ---
    I've got plans.
[16:16] ---
    It's kind of a shame that your howls of laughter
    will go to waste, but it's the truth.
[16:19] ---
    It really is true.
    Tsubame just invited Ishigami and me.
[16:23] ---
    What?
[16:24] ---
    You can't possibly turn down an invitation
    from Tsubame, can you, Ishigami?
[16:28] ---
    A BIT DISAPPOINTED
[16:29] ---
    Huh? Why couldn't I, if it's her?
[16:31] ---
    Everyone here is aware
    that you have a crush on Tsubame.
[16:35] ---
    Yeah.
[16:36] ---
    Well, yes.
[16:37] ---
    No way!
[16:40] ---
    Since when?
[16:41] ---
    Maybe around the sports festival?
[16:42] ---
    No way!
[16:45] ---
    So...
[16:46] ---
    which party are you going to, Iino?
[16:48] ---
    Well, I know you think
    I'd be a thorn in your side. So I guess I'll...
[16:54] ---
    Huh? I don't think that.
[16:59] ---
    Is... that right?
[17:01] ---
    Huh?
[17:04] ---
    GOOD NIGHT!!
    SEE YOU LATER
[17:04] ---
    IINO AND I WILL BOTH
    ATTEND YOUR
    CHRISTMAS PARTY
    LOOKING FORWARD TO IT
[17:13] ---
    I have to give him my answer
    three months from now, huh?
[17:18] ---
    LOST AND FOUND
[17:25] ---
    IF NO ONE'S CLAIMED IT
    IN THREE MONTHS, TAKE IT!
[17:28] ---
    If no one's claimed it
    in three months, huh?
[17:35] ---
    Not that I really want it.
[17:38] ---
    Christmas, huh?
[17:40] ---
    I wonder what Shinomiya's going to do.
[17:52] ---
    The second battle of minds
    inside her own brain and the trial begin!
[17:57] ---
    TWO GENIUSES' WAR OF LOVE
[17:59] ---
    WHAT? I'M UP!?
[18:06] ---
    Not only did the defendant steal a kiss
    from Miyuki Shirogane without warning,
[18:06] ---
    THE ACCUSED KAGUYA (STUPID)
[18:10] ---
    but she even inserted her tongue,
    of all things.
[18:12] ---
    She is therefore charged with the crime proscribed
    in article 174 of our personal penal code...
[18:15] ---
    The Grown-Up Kiss Offensive.
[18:17] ---
    In addition, the defendant is deemed
    a flight risk who may flee the country.
[18:20] ---
    Therefore, the prosecution seeks
    the death penalty for the defendant.
[18:20] ---
    THE COMPLETE
    SIX CODES
    OF JAPAN
[18:23] ---
    PROSECUTOR KAGUYA
    (COLD AS ICE)
[18:25] ---
    Death penalty?
[18:26] ---
    COUNSEL KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
[18:26] ---
    No objections.
[18:27] ---
    My own lawyer won't even defend me?
[18:29] ---
    Pwesident is in the student council room...
    Wow, it's perfect!
[18:31] ---
    Uttering gibberish
    in front of President...
[18:33] ---
    Number one...
[18:34] ---
    NUMBER ONE
[18:34] ---
    S-Saying he was your number one!
[18:36] ---
    I don't remember.
[18:37] ---
    Well, what a convenient mind you have!
[18:40] ---
    Well, why is it such a big deal?
[18:41] ---
    President used all those balloons
    to let me know how he feels!
[18:45] ---
    What's wrong with that?
[18:46] ---
    W-Well, you do have a point, but—
[18:49] ---
    How ludicrous.
[18:50] ---
    Why are you letting
    mere balloons rattle you?
[18:54] ---
    AHHH
[18:55] ---
    You're not looking like yourself, either!
[18:57] ---
    My internal breakers broke, too.
[19:00] ---
    All right.
[19:02] ---
    Playtime is over.
[19:04] ---
    You've been summoned today so that
    we can decide what to do going forward.
[19:08] ---
    This is a crucial decision
    that will determine our future.
[19:08] ---
    PRESIDING JUDGE KAGUYA
    (CHILD)
[19:11] ---
    There are three issues under discussion.
[19:12] ---
    (1) ON OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PRESIDENT
    (2) ON STUDYING ABROAD
    (3) ON THAT GROWN-UP KISS
[19:13] ---
    Let us resolve them one by one.
[19:15] ---
    First of all...
[19:16] ---
    our relationship with President.
[19:18] ---
    Come on, we've got to be lovers now!
    I mean, we've kissed!
[19:21] ---
    R-Right, we are, aren't we?
[19:22] ---
    SMOOCH
[19:23] ---
    Don't be ridiculous.
[19:24] ---
    If kissing makes you lovers,
    then sex workers would be lovers with everyone.
[19:29] ---
    I have to agree.
[19:31] ---
    Although our feelings are undeniably mutual,
    we've never been vocal about them.
[19:36] ---
    If we're to take it to the next level,
    we should say so directly.
[19:39] ---
    Then regarding Number 1,
    our conclusion must be...
[19:40] ---
    (1) ON OUR RELATIONSHIP
    WITH MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[19:42] ---
    A.
    MORE THAN
    FRIENDS
    LESS THAN
    LOVERS
[19:46] ---
    Next, let's discuss studying abroad!
[19:47] ---
    (2) ON STUDYING ABROAD
[19:49] ---
    Well, President did say
    it was a once-in-a-lifetime wish!
[19:52] ---
    I'm so going!
[19:53] ---
    Yes.
[19:56] ---
    Are you serious?
[19:56] ---
    Huuuh?
[19:58] ---
    You don't seriously believe
    you'll be allowed to do such a thing, do you?
[20:02] ---
    How do you plan to talk Father into it?
[20:04] ---
    Well...
[20:05] ---
    Consider it a blessing that you've been able
    to distance yourself from him.
[20:09] ---
    You must refrain at all costs from doing anything
    that would awaken the sleeping tiger.
[20:14] ---
    But I already told him I'd go.
[20:16] ---
    Keeping your promises, no matter what.
[20:18] ---
    You need something in your life
    that you can have absolute faith in.
[20:21] ---
    Isn't that the policy you live by?
[20:24] ---
    Do whatever you want. However...
[20:27] ---
    when you fail, it might be
    the last time I ever see your face.
[20:35] ---
    (2) ON STUDYING ABROAD
[20:37] ---
    A.
    GO WITH
    PRESIDENT
[20:38] ---
    And finally, regarding that grown-up kiss...
[20:43] ---
    what are we going to do about it?
[20:46] ---
    Seriously, what are we going to do? Well?
[20:48] ---
    President might be thinking
    that I'm a super-nympho lust monster!
[20:52] ---
    I mean it, what are we going to do?
[20:54] ---
    All you have to do is explain yourself.
[20:56] ---
    That you just misread the situation.
[20:58] ---
    But that would be embarrassing!
[21:00] ---
    I think it would be better
    to take the stance of a grown-up woman!
[21:01] ---
    A KISS?
    THAT'S NO MORE
    THAN A GREETING
[21:03] ---
    What a ludicrous conversation.
[21:05] ---
    That's why you never should've kissed him.
[21:07] ---
    In the first place, a kiss is something
    that the man should seek.
[21:11] ---
    A woman going for a kiss...
    How disgraceful is that!
[21:13] ---
    I think you're being sexist!
[21:15] ---
    She's right! Who decided
    that a woman can't kiss first?
[21:19] ---
    You have no clue, do you?
[21:22] ---
    I'd rather have a kiss stolen from me,
    not the other way around!
[21:25] ---
    Huh?
[21:26] ---
    What? But why?
[21:28] ---
    Because it would make my heart
    pound harder that way!
[21:30] ---
    We all have different fetishes!
[21:33] ---
    Kissing impulsively...
    We're not beasts in the wild!
[21:33] ---
    IRRITATED
[21:36] ---
    Would it kill you to learn a little restraint?
[21:39] ---
    It's only natural to want
    to kiss someone you're in love with!
[21:42] ---
    That's right! If you really love someone,
    there's just no holding back!
[21:45] ---
    You can say stuff like that
    because you're not in love with President, Ice!
[21:52] ---
    Me...
[21:54] ---
    not in love with...
[21:56] ---
    Miyuki Shirogane?
[21:58] ---
    You happy-go-lucky insurgents...
[22:02] ---
    You can't see the forest for the trees
    because you put your own feelings first!
[22:07] ---
    You have no idea how much I've held back!
[22:09] ---
    How I've continued to hold back all this time!
[22:12] ---
    It was none other than I
    who first fell in love with Miyuki Shirogane!
[22:15] ---
    More than you two ever have!
[22:17] ---
    I'm also the one who's the most serious
    about my future with him!
[22:22] ---
    Here I am, racking my brain
    to find a way to make him mine,
[22:25] ---
    yet you both keep doing as you please!
[22:27] ---
    How arrogant of you,
    you Kaguya-come-latelys!
[22:31] ---
    Hey, hold up.
[22:32] ---
    Don't argue with yourself. It's just sad.
[22:35] ---
    Right! In the first place, it doesn't matter
    who fell in love with him first!
[22:38] ---
    I mean, aren't you even happy
    that President kissed you?
[22:41] ---
    Oh, would you shut up?
[22:45] ---
    It's like your brains
    are in la-la land, you morons!
[22:50] ---
    Don't you dare lecture me!
[22:53] ---
    I've been longing all this time
    for President to kiss me!
[22:58] ---
    So, what were you thinking?
[23:00] ---
    Go die and rot in hell!
[23:02] ---
    For once in your lives,
    consider my feelings, too!
[23:05] ---
    Oh, this isn't good.
[23:16] ---
    Are you sure
    you want to conceal the real you?
[23:31] ---
    Are you awake, Shinomiya?
[23:33] ---
    Morning.
[23:39] ---
    Yes.
[23:40] ---
    It seems I've been fast asleep for a while.
[23:43] ---
    Huh?
[23:45] ---
    Good morning, Shirogane.
[23:50] ---
    I'd appreciate a cup of coffee, please.
[23:54] ---
    I'm throwing
    a Christmas party at
    my place this year.
    Wanna come?
[23:55] ---
    Hmm, I'll come
    if I can make it.
[23:56] ---
    Sis texted me
    that Kaguya will be there.
[23:59] ---
    I'M COMING

The First Kiss That Never Ends

M2 - About Kaguya Shinomiya, Part 4

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:34] ---
    GLUB
    GLUB
[01:38] ---
    This tastes terrible.
[01:40] ---
    S-Sorry.
[01:42] ---
    The only good that came out of this
[01:44] ---
    was that I can now appreciate
    the coffee my household staff brews.
[01:47] ---
    This tastes like stewed sea slugs.
[01:50] ---
    I'll ask Secretary Fujiwara
    to show me how to brew coffee.
[01:55] ---
    Fujiwara suddenly finds herself
    in a tight spot.
[01:58] ---
    Shinomiya's sure in a horrible mood.
[02:01] ---
    Persona!
[02:03] ---
    Every one of us plays a different role
    for other people, depending on what they seek.
[02:09] ---
    Who you are when you're with friends.
[02:12] ---
    Who you are when you're with a lover.
[02:14] ---
    Not to mention who you are online.
[02:16] ---
    There! "L-O-L!"
[02:20] ---
    All the more so if you're
    a member of the Shinomiya Family.
[02:25] ---
    The upbringing she received
    was positively spartan...
[02:29] ---
    so in order to shield her mind
    from that environment,
[02:32] ---
    she has been known to frequently
    produce robust personas.
[02:37] ---
    IF YOU ARE A SHINOMIYA,
    DO NOT RELY ON ANYONE. INSTEAD, USE THEM.
    DO NOT RECEIVE ANYTHING. INSTEAD, TAKE.
    DO NOT LOVE ANYONE. THERE IS NO INSTEAD.
[02:40] ---
    These masks, so deeply ingrained in her life,
    can be so unyielding at times...
[02:47] ---
    that you would think...
[02:48] ---
    she was someone else entirely.
[02:54] ---
    Shirogane...
[02:56] ---
    I mean "President"...
[02:57] ---
    Shall we discuss
    what happened the other day?
[03:00] ---
    Here it comes!
[03:01] ---
    How would you define
    our relationship, President?
[03:07] ---
    Student council comrades...
[03:09] ---
    doesn't sound at all inspiring.
[03:11] ---
    Friends...
[03:13] ---
    doesn't sound right, either.
[03:16] ---
    Since we've come this far...
[03:18] ---
    I'd say...
[03:20] ---
    that we're boyfriend and girlfriend...
[03:23] ---
    maybe.
[03:24] ---
    Boyfriend and girlfriend
    is a bit far-fetched, isn't it?
[03:26] ---
    Seriously?
[03:29] ---
    One kiss, and you're acting
    like my boyfriend?
[03:32] ---
    Only a child would believe
    that a kiss makes you instant lovers.
[03:36] ---
    Well, not that I blame you
    for getting ahead of yourself, President.
[03:40] ---
    After all, I've known from the start
    that you had feelings for me.
[03:45] ---
    Who are you to talk, Shinomiya?
[03:47] ---
    What was your reason for kissing me?
[03:49] ---
    You did it because you like me, right?
[03:51] ---
    In that case...
[03:53] ---
    I wish you wouldn't make
    such a commotion over a mere kiss or two.
[03:57] ---
    Please, I would kiss anyone
    if I was in the mood.
[04:01] ---
    On that note...
[04:02] ---
    would you like to do it now?
[04:06] ---
    Kiss?
[04:08] ---
    THUMP
[04:21] ---
    THUMP
    THUMP
[04:24] ---
    WHACK
[04:27] ---
    What's this?
    A man waiting for a kiss?
[04:29] ---
    How creepy!
[04:30] ---
    No, I was just... I thought...
[04:33] ---
    I thought she was going to force
    a kiss on me again!
[04:36] ---
    That kiss is carved
    deep inside Shirogane's mind.
[04:41] ---
    Hey... I know it was kind of...
[04:44] ---
    But you didn't have to hit me!
[04:46] ---
    I apologize.
[04:47] ---
    But it's the Shinomiya way
    to discipline the indecisive by hitting them.
[04:50] ---
    Anyway...
[04:52] ---
    I don't see myself
    wanting to date such a spineless man.
[04:56] ---
    We're done for today. Good night.
[04:59] ---
    Huh?
[05:00] ---
    Oh my.
[05:02] ---
    I was planning to call
    for someone to pick me up...
[05:05] ---
    but apparently,
    smartphone batteries drain quickly.
[05:08] ---
    Therefore, I shall walk home.
[05:10] ---
    Huh? Are you sure you should be
    walking home alone at this hour?
[05:14] ---
    Then, what do you propose?
[05:21] ---
    What's gotten into Shinomiya?
[05:24] ---
    I thought things were pretty great
    until yesterday,
[05:27] ---
    but now she's saying
    she doesn't want to date me.
[05:30] ---
    And here she is, walking home with me.
[05:33] ---
    And that cold look on her face... Like ice.
[05:36] ---
    It's like she's reverted to being the Shinomiya
    who rejected everyone around her!
[05:42] ---
    Something happened! I just know it!
[05:45] ---
    Did her father give her a hard time
    about studying abroad?
[05:47] ---
    Or maybe he's against her dating!
[05:50] ---
    Don't tell me she's going to announce
    that she has a fiancé!
[05:53] ---
    Is that why she took this long
    to tell me that she couldn't date me?
[05:56] ---
    Figure it out, Miyuki!
[05:58] ---
    Shinomiya's got to be sending
    some kind of sign!
[06:01] ---
    You men are certainly lucky.
[06:04] ---
    Even if you walk around with your hands
    in your pockets like that, no one reprimands you.
[06:12] ---
    My fingertips feel frozen.
[06:14] ---
    Shinomiya's sighing because
    she's thinking about male privilege.
[06:19] ---
    In the Shinomiya household,
    where they treat people like objects,
[06:21] ---
    one example of male privilege would be...
[06:23] ---
    Could it be a fiancé after all?
[06:25] ---
    Shirogane is quite agitated.
[06:28] ---
    FLAP
    FLAP
[06:28] ---
    Shinomiya, what is it
    that you want me to do?
[06:31] ---
    Just tell me what you're feeling!
[06:33] ---
    Really, it's so bitterly cold!
[06:35] ---
    It feels like my heart
    is about to get frozen, as well!
[06:39] ---
    One of us seems to have
    warm hands! How lucky!
[06:44] ---
    Does that mean she wants me to rescue her
    from the cold with my hands?
[06:48] ---
    This is Shinomiya's cry for help!
[06:50] ---
    I...
[06:51] ---
    FLAP
    FLAP
[06:52] ---
    I have to do something about this!
[07:01] ---
    President...
[07:04] ---
    I see that you're not even capable
    of escorting a girl home the proper way.
[07:08] ---
    How cute.
[07:28] ---
    So spineless.
[07:37] ---
    L-O-L... I say.
[07:41] ---
    MEGA LOL
[07:42] ---
    DECEMBER 22
[07:51] ---
    You don't have to put my hair up today.
[07:54] ---
    Oh my.
[07:55] ---
    But is there still some of that perfume
    my sister-in-law gave me?
[07:59] ---
    Oh my, oh my.
[08:01] ---
    84 sheep...
[08:04] ---
    85 sheep...
[08:07] ---
    86 sheep...
[08:10] ---
    87 sheep...
[08:14] ---
    88 sheep...
[08:18] ---
    Sheep...
[08:20] ---
    Sheep...
[08:22] ---
    One coffin...
[08:24] ---
    Coffin?
[08:25] ---
    Two coffins...
[08:26] ---
    Hey, what do you think
    you're counting, President?
[08:27] ---
    Three coffins...
[08:29] ---
    What do you mean?
[08:31] ---
    I'm counting sheep.
[08:33] ---
    I didn't get any sleep last night.
[08:34] ---
    No, you started counting coffins
    midway through!
[08:37] ---
    Please don't count anything that suggests
    you won't wake up once you fall asleep!
[08:42] ---
    Morning, two days before Christmas Eve.
[08:45] ---
    There are now cracks in Shirogane's heart.
[08:48] ---
    And no wonder.
[08:49] ---
    Just when he thought he'd finally
    get to start dating Kaguya,
[08:52] ---
    thanks to the culture festival
    and all its promise,
[08:55] ---
    Kaguya suddenly... uttered the words,
    "I cannot date such a spineless man!"
[08:58] ---
    And as if that weren't enough...
[09:01] ---
    How cute.
[09:02] ---
    Trauma words!
[09:05] ---
    You can't blame him
    for suffering a mental collapse.
[09:05] ---
    Maybe I'll go look at the penguins
    in the aquarium.
[09:09] ---
    Hello!
[09:12] ---
    Hey...
[09:13] ---
    You're wearing your hair straight, Shinomiya.
[09:15] ---
    You haven't done that
    since you put makeup on me.
[09:18] ---
    Yes, I remember that day.
[09:21] ---
    I have my makeup kit with me today,
    so would you care to do it again?
[09:24] ---
    Uh, no, I think I'll pass.
[09:27] ---
    Well, what a pity.
[09:28] ---
    Huh?
[09:30] ---
    She's in a good mood today.
[09:32] ---
    Morning, Shinomiya!
[09:35] ---
    Huh?
[09:37] ---
    Snub.
[09:38] ---
    Why's she ignoring me?
[09:39] ---
    About the Christmas party I'm throwing...
[09:42] ---
    Yes?
[09:43] ---
    First, a toast! Of course
    it'll be with non-alcoholic drinks!
[09:44] ---
    Listen, didn't you think
    Shinomiya was acting weird today?
[09:46] ---
    Yes, of course.
[09:48] ---
    And we'll save the gift-exchanging until last!
[09:48] ---
    No. She was the same as usual with me.
[09:50] ---
    Sounds good to me.
[09:52] ---
    And I thought we could all have hot pot
    before we all get into a Christmas-y mood!
[09:56] ---
    Sounds good to me.
[09:58] ---
    And she's acting
    like her usual self with Fujiwara.
[10:02] ---
    If we're talking weird,
    she was way weirder yesterday.
[10:05] ---
    Yeah, that was a sight to see, too.
[10:06] ---
    Pwesident! Pwesident! Pwesident!
[10:10] ---
    I really need to talk to her again, properly.
[10:25] ---
    Vice President Shinomiya...
[10:27] ---
    You're wearing perfume, aren't you?
    That's against the rules.
[10:30] ---
    Oh my. It's only the slightest of dabs.
    Your sense of smell is astounding.
[10:36] ---
    No. Take this as a gift from me, Iino.
[10:39] ---
    What?
[10:40] ---
    Don't you ever use perfume?
[10:42] ---
    Of course not. I never...
[10:45] ---
    Oh? But Christmas
    is just around the corner.
[10:48] ---
    This is as good a time as any
    for you to learn, is it not?
[10:51] ---
    Your body, Iino...
[10:55] ---
    smells so sweet.
[11:00] ---
    Perfume is fragrant
    because it blends with your body scent.
[11:04] ---
    The nape of your neck is warm, so applying it
    there will really bring out the aroma.
[11:08] ---
    As long as you apply it 30 minutes
    before seeing the person you wish to conquer...
[11:12] ---
    your body temperature
    will have done its job by then,
[11:15] ---
    and you'll be able to draw
    that gentleman toward you.
[11:17] ---
    And now you're just as guilty.
[11:23] ---
    But...
[11:25] ---
    doesn't this smell like something
    a middle-aged woman would wear?
[11:28] ---
    Like someone who's really pushy.
    I don't think it's for high school girls.
[11:33] ---
    Wrong! As I explained earlier, a perfume's scent
    changes with the passage of time.
[11:38] ---
    Yes, it's an acquired taste initially,
    but after 30 minutes—
[11:41] ---
    Shinomiya...
[11:42] ---
    Even right now,
    it doesn't smell at all like—
[11:43] ---
    Do you have a minute?
[11:45] ---
    It smells just like my middle-aged aunts.
[11:50] ---
    Shinomiya?
[11:56] ---
    Why are you running away, Shinomiya?
[12:05] ---
    Kaguya?
[12:07] ---
    Shinomiya...
[12:15] ---
    Why?
[12:17] ---
    What did I do?
[12:18] ---
    What did I ever do to you, Shinomiya?
[12:24] ---
    You can't get away from me now!
[12:27] ---
    Why did you run, Shinomiya?
[12:29] ---
    Don't come near me! Please!
[12:31] ---
    I'm telling you...
[12:33] ---
    Don't come any closer to me!
[12:36] ---
    She hates me that much?
[12:38] ---
    Tell me...
[12:41] ---
    why.
[12:42] ---
    The answer is simple.
[12:44] ---
    Because it hasn't been 30 minutes yet
    since Kaguya applied the perfume!
[12:49] ---
    With the passage of time,
    perfume changes as follows.
[12:51] ---
    TOP NOTE
[12:52] ---
    The perfume Kaguya has on
    is renowned for its middle note!
[12:54] ---
    MIDDLE NOTE
[12:56] ---
    Immediately after applying it,
    it smells somewhat old-lady-ish.
[12:58] ---
    OLD LADY RELATIVE
[12:59] ---
    But...
[13:01] ---
    at this very moment, it hits her!
[13:03] ---
    Thanks to that dramatic chase, her body temp
    has surged. And she's sweating profusely!
[13:08] ---
    The middle note emerges
    when the aroma evaporates,
[13:10] ---
    blending with the wearer's own scent
    in the most optimal way. Also known as...
[13:14] ---
    "the heart note," which has now arrived!
[13:18] ---
    Fine. From now on,
    I'll keep my distance, Shinomiya.
[13:22] ---
    Come back here.
[13:23] ---
    What?
[13:24] ---
    - Where do you think you're going?
    - Huh?
[13:26] ---
    But you just told me to get lost!
[13:29] ---
    You can stay now.
[13:30] ---
    Actually, you have to stay or else.
[13:32] ---
    I have no clue about the female mind!
[13:36] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya... Don't you think
    you were acting strange yesterday?
[13:40] ---
    I was the same as always.
    The one thing that comes to mind...
[13:43] ---
    is that perhaps I was suppressing
    the absurd side of me that got a bit carried away.
[13:48] ---
    Carried away?
[13:52] ---
    Though I did make an outrageous
    promise to study abroad,
[13:56] ---
    once I regained my composure
    and gave it some serious thought,
[13:59] ---
    I realized that it was a decision
    so horrific, it left me shaking.
[14:06] ---
    Then, was that kiss also something you did
    because you were carried away?
[14:10] ---
    I suppose you could say that.
[14:14] ---
    You seem to be taking
    that kiss extremely seriously,
[14:18] ---
    but for me, that's all
    a kiss really amounts to.
[14:23] ---
    On that note, would you like
    to do it right now?
[14:29] ---
    Kiss me?
[14:31] ---
    Huh?
[14:36] ---
    I could never do that!
[14:38] ---
    A kiss isn't something
    you do so casually!
[14:41] ---
    If you're not feeling it,
    there's just no point—
[14:45] ---
    Ow! Why'd you kick me?
[14:47] ---
    Pardon me.
[14:48] ---
    It's the Shinomiya way to kick anyone
    who'd hold a kiss more sacred than they should.
[14:53] ---
    What the heck are you
    so mad about? Just tell me!
[14:56] ---
    Well...
[15:00] ---
    You've been blowing me off,
    you look more gloomy than usual,
[15:03] ---
    you're letting your hair down,
    you resort to violence!
[15:06] ---
    And you smell so nice
    like perfume, which you never use!
[15:08] ---
    I'm worried about you, okay?
[15:12] ---
    Did you say I smell nice?
[15:14] ---
    Yeah, I did! You smell amazing!
[15:16] ---
    And this has to be a first, right?
[15:21] ---
    If only you'd noticed
    like you did just now...
[15:24] ---
    then I'd always be in a good mood.
[15:28] ---
    I know this is a real stretch...
[15:32] ---
    but last night, when you were going on and on
    about how cold you were...
[15:36] ---
    you weren't hinting that you wanted
    to hold hands, were you?
[15:42] ---
    And it's because I didn't hold your hand...
[15:45] ---
    that you're mad.
[15:48] ---
    Of...
[15:51] ---
    - Of course that's not what this is about!
    - Shinomiya!
[15:55] ---
    Yeah, of course not.
[15:58] ---
    Now you realize?
[16:00] ---
    SENSE OF SMELL:
    AS ACUTE
    AS THAT
    OF A SMALL DOG
[16:07] ---
    You want to consult me about love?
[16:09] ---
    Yes. As someone with a boyfriend,
[16:11] ---
    I thought that I could benefit
    from hearing your opinions.
[16:15] ---
    Well, of course I don't mind.
[16:20] ---
    You're letting your hair down today, I see.
[16:25] ---
    It reminds me of when we were first-years.
[16:30] ---
    Back then, you...
[16:32] ---
    were known as "Kaguya the Ice Princess."
[16:35] ---
    So unapproachable... Everybody's idol...
[16:38] ---
    Mine included...
[16:41] ---
    Back then, she was attractive
    in the same way as Maki during her tense moments.
[16:48] ---
    So, Kaguya—
[16:49] ---
    I've been wondering about this
    for quite a while.
[16:53] ---
    You frequently change the way
    you address me, do you not?
[16:56] ---
    MISS
    KAGUYA
[16:57] ---
    SHINOMIYA
[16:58] ---
    KAGUYA
[16:59] ---
    You're the only one at this school
    who's so informal with me.
[17:03] ---
    In fact, you address me
    as if we've always been close.
[17:08] ---
    My apologies! That was
    overly familiar of me, wasn't it?
[17:11] ---
    No, I don't mind.
[17:12] ---
    I'm sorry! I won't address you
    so informally again, Miss Kaguya!
[17:17] ---
    I really don't mind.
[17:24] ---
    Are you serious, Miyuki?
[17:26] ---
    You want my advice about love?
[17:29] ---
    Yeah.
[17:30] ---
    I'd really like to learn
    more about how girls feel.
[17:33] ---
    I see. So as long as she's a woman,
    anyone will do.
[17:36] ---
    Don't put it that way!
[17:38] ---
    Well, if that's what you're after,
    leave it to me.
[17:41] ---
    After all, I'm a master of romance.
[17:43] ---
    Huh?
[17:45] ---
    I'm kidding.
[17:46] ---
    You're kidding?
[17:49] ---
    Never once have I experienced
    a successful romance.
[17:53] ---
    Look how blue the sky is.
[17:55] ---
    Damn, I asked the wrong person.
[17:58] ---
    So?
[17:59] ---
    So...
[18:01] ---
    what is it that you wanted to ask me?
[18:03] ---
    President has absolutely no clue
    about my feelings for him.
[18:07] ---
    President has absolutely no clue
    about my feelings for him.
[18:11] ---
    President has no clue about my feelings...
[18:13] ---
    President has no clue about my feelings...
[18:15] ---
    President has no clue—
[18:18] ---
    Are we talking about you and Shirogane?
[18:21] ---
    Yes, that's what I'm telling you.
[18:23] ---
    But normally, you'd start by saying,
    "I have this friend who..."
[18:28] ---
    You're already well aware, aren't you?
[18:30] ---
    Meaning that any such pretexts
    would be a waste of time.
[18:33] ---
    Realizing how ineffective it is
    to use the friend ploy! So impressive!
[18:37] ---
    Miss Kaguya,
    you're 100 times smarter than usual!
[18:42] ---
    Well, this is about a friend of mine, okay?
[18:45] ---
    The woman actually said this.
    That she'd kiss anyone if she was in the mood.
[18:49] ---
    And then she asked,
    "Would you like to do it now?"
[18:52] ---
    I mean, who says that?
[18:56] ---
    Actually, that sounds so sweet!
[18:58] ---
    I know exactly how that girl feels!
[19:02] ---
    So, she'd kiss anyone
    as long as she was in the mood?
[19:05] ---
    Obviously, she's trying to hide her true feelings
    behind those assertive words.
[19:09] ---
    True feelings?
[19:10] ---
    What she's really saying is,
    "You're the only one I'd ever be in the mood to kiss."
[19:14] ---
    If you wanna dig even deeper,
    what she's really trying to say is...
[19:17] ---
    I want President to kiss me.
[19:21] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
[19:23] ---
    I tried every which way
    to make President kiss me,
[19:25] ---
    but so far, nothing's worked,
    and I'm at the end of my tether.
[19:29] ---
    You want President... to kiss you?
[19:31] ---
    Yes.
[19:32] ---
    Kiss you, Miss Kaguya?
[19:34] ---
    That's exactly what I just said.
[19:36] ---
    But why?
[19:37] ---
    For someone who already knows,
[19:39] ---
    that's quite a mean thing to ask.
[19:43] ---
    Because I'm in love with President.
[19:46] ---
    What other reason could there be?
[19:49] ---
    Ka...
[19:50] ---
    Kaguya!
[19:50] ---
    FLUTTER
[19:52] ---
    Why are you back to addressing me
    informally now?
[19:54] ---
    But... I can't believe
    you owned up to it just like that!
[19:57] ---
    I've already acknowledged
    my romantic feelings for him.
[20:01] ---
    Romantic feelings?
[20:02] ---
    If I'm in love with him,
    isn't it only natural to want him to kiss me?
[20:05] ---
    I want him to hold me close
    with those arms,
[20:07] ---
    and if he wants to go even further,
    I'd probably say yes—
[20:10] ---
    I got it! I got it, okay?
[20:15] ---
    At any rate, if you want him to kiss you,
[20:17] ---
    then all you have to do is be honest with him
    about your feelings, right?
[20:21] ---
    That, I cannot do.
[20:22] ---
    Why not?
[20:25] ---
    Whenever I'm in his presence...
[20:28] ---
    for some reason,
    I can't help being perverse.
[20:31] ---
    I totally get it!
[20:32] ---
    That's just it! Being with the person you love
    makes you act all hostile and aloof!
[20:37] ---
    Actually, does "hostile and aloof"
    really explain that behavior?
[20:41] ---
    I've been making all kinds of efforts!
[20:44] ---
    Like repeating over and over how cold I was,
    to get him to hold my hand!
[20:47] ---
    I mean, she's walking right next to me,
    venting all the while!
[20:50] ---
    And today I even put on some perfume!
[20:52] ---
    Then she ran off like her life depended on it!
[20:54] ---
    The truth is, I'm too embarrassed
    to even talk to him!
[20:56] ---
    When I said hello, she ignored me!
[20:58] ---
    Have some empathy!
[21:00] ---
    I'm asking you myself! Please try to have
    some empathy for how she feels!
[21:03] ---
    She's almost at the breaking point herself!
[21:05] ---
    So please, try to be understanding!
[21:08] ---
    You know, this person
    is the exact same type as me.
[21:12] ---
    I'm feeling so much sympathy for her,
    it's downright scary.
[21:15] ---
    If you told me we were related,
    I'd believe—
[21:19] ---
    Wait.
[21:21] ---
    Is this about you and Auntie Kaguya?
[21:26] ---
    I've had a feeling about you two for ages!
[21:28] ---
    How far have you gotten?
[21:30] ---
    What? No, actually...
[21:32] ---
    We shared a grown-up kiss
    at the culture festival.
[21:34] ---
    - Whaaaaat?
    - Whaaaaat?
[21:36] ---
    I thought we were friends,
    but you've beaten me to the punch!
[21:38] ---
    I wish I hadn't found out!
[21:41] ---
    A grown-up kiss!
[21:43] ---
    About 40 seconds.
[21:45] ---
    And now, the dots have been connected.
[21:47] ---
    But... that kiss was a mistake.
[21:50] ---
    Are you sure about that?
[21:52] ---
    What was your first kiss like,
    Miss Kashiwagi?
[21:55] ---
    Huh? You're making this about me?
[21:58] ---
    ONE SUMMER DAY...
[21:58] ---
    We were on our way home after a date.
[22:01] ---
    And while we were waiting
    for the light to change...
[22:05] ---
    out of nowhere, he...
[22:09] ---
    I wish I'd never found out!
[22:11] ---
    That's quite lovely.
[22:12] ---
    But it was all of a sudden
    in front of a mini-mart!
[22:15] ---
    There's nothing romantic about that.
[22:17] ---
    That's fine.
[22:20] ---
    I'd rather have an ordinary kiss
    just like everyone else in this world.
[22:27] ---
    All I want...
[22:30] ---
    is an ordinary romance.
[22:40] ---
    I wonder...
[22:43] ---
    what Shinomiya...
[22:45] ---
    thinks of me.
[23:10] ---
    Ice Kaguya is one of Kaguya Shinomiya's
    many diverse sides.
[23:16] ---
    She is...
[23:17] ---
    the manifestation of the wariness
    everyone has toward one another.
[23:21] ---
    At the same time, she is also
    the cowardly heart of one who's in love.
[23:27] ---
    But I love you.
[23:39] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:41] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya...
[23:44] ---
    loses.
[23:46] ---
    Miyuki's betrayed me!
[23:48] ---
    You're the only one for me, Yu!
[23:50] ---
    An unhinged person just threw herself into my
    arms saying the weirdest things at the worst time!
[23:56] ---
    HOW THEY LOOKED WAY BACK WHEN...

The First Kiss That Never Ends

M3 - Kaguya Wants to Eat It (Ice)

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:29] ---
    DECEMBER 23
[01:35] ---
    Wow! You're looking even paler than usual!
[01:39] ---
    Well, I haven't been able to sleep lately.
[01:44] ---
    It's gotten so bad that I even made
    my own lunch for a change.
[01:47] ---
    TWITCH
[01:50] ---
    For Kaguya, it is just the second time in her life
    that she has laid eyes on this bento.
[01:56] ---
    Rolled omelets! Boiled vegetables!
    Grilled fish! Pickled plums!
[01:59] ---
    And once again,
[02:01] ---
    octopus-shaped sausages!
[02:02] ---
    LONG TIME NO SEE
[02:04] ---
    There was a time when,
    unable to admit her longing to taste it...
[02:06] ---
    Kaguya was left with only her frustration.
[02:08] ---
    RUMBLE
    RUMBLE
[02:08] ---
    But that was then, this is now!
[02:10] ---
    Now that she's coolheaded,
[02:13] ---
    she can take the appropriate action
    to further her goals!
[02:20] ---
    Oh my, how hungry I am!
[02:23] ---
    My chef's visiting his hometown today.
    It completely slipped my mind.
[02:27] ---
    Oh, dear, I feel as if my stomach
    and my back are about to stick together!
[02:30] ---
    What's up with Shinomiya?
[02:32] ---
    Could it be that...
[02:34] ---
    she wants me to give her
    a bite of my lunch?
[02:37] ---
    Hey, even when she's being standoffish,
    she has her cute moments!
[02:41] ---
    If that's the case, then why not?
[02:43] ---
    Oh!
[02:44] ---
    I would love some rolled omelet now!
[02:46] ---
    Rolled omelet, huh?
[02:47] ---
    Sh-Shinomiya?
[02:49] ---
    What, you're hungry, Kaguya?
[02:52] ---
    Well, these things happen!
[02:53] ---
    I'd be happy to share my bento with you!
[02:57] ---
    There's lots of sugar
    in these rolled omelets...
[02:59] ---
    so they're sweet and yummy!
[03:02] ---
    There you go!
[03:03] ---
    I'll pass.
[03:05] ---
    As I have been steering clear of sweets.
[03:08] ---
    What?
[03:09] ---
    But sweetness is justice!
[03:11] ---
    I believe you call yourself
    "the low-carb girl," correct?
[03:15] ---
    You should try to increase
    your vegetable consumption.
[03:18] ---
    But there's vermicelli salad, too.
[03:21] ---
    Are you aware just how much sugar
    vermicelli contains?
[03:24] ---
    Not to mention, these are all
    root vegetables high in sugar content.
[03:28] ---
    Being a carnivore
    doesn't make you a low-carb girl.
[03:32] ---
    If you consume copious amounts of meat
    and sugar, you're nothing but a glutton—
[03:35] ---
    SHRIEK
[03:36] ---
    Kaguya, you sound just like Ishigami!
[03:39] ---
    I just have to run off
    all that sugar, right?
[03:43] ---
    Close call!
[03:44] ---
    So, Shinomiya's laying off sweets?
[03:45] ---
    LOTS OF SUGAR
[03:48] ---
    Then what's the right answer?
[03:48] ---
    I'm so ravenous!
[03:51] ---
    Um... Shinomiya?
[03:55] ---
    Would you like to have half of my bento?
[04:00] ---
    Please don't get me wrong!
[04:02] ---
    It's not like hearing that conversation
    made me feel self-conscious about eating.
[04:06] ---
    Despite the fact that I can still hear
    your stomach growling?
[04:10] ---
    Thank you, but no thank you.
[04:12] ---
    Amount-wise, it's a bit...
[04:14] ---
    Meaning that since I always eat
    twice this much...
[04:16] ---
    I'm headed toward obesity?
[04:19] ---
    You're inhuman, Shinomiya!
[04:23] ---
    I see.
[04:24] ---
    Shinomiya has a tiny stomach.
    It's not like she can eat a whole spread!
[04:29] ---
    I'm going to go check on those two.
[04:34] ---
    I have no clue
    what's going through Shinomiya's mind.
[04:37] ---
    Dammit, would you man up, Miyuki?
[04:40] ---
    If I'm myself, I'll never get anywhere!
[04:43] ---
    Man up more!
[04:45] ---
    More!
[04:47] ---
    Pour it on!
[04:50] ---
    Shinomiya!
[04:53] ---
    You're hungry, right? Eat this!
[05:06] ---
    Sh-Shinomiya?
[05:12] ---
    Forgive me.
[05:13] ---
    I couldn't stop myself.
[05:15] ---
    Right.
[05:21] ---
    You have some ketchup
    on your mouth, too.
[05:24] ---
    Do I?
[05:26] ---
    Would you be so kind
    as to clean it off?
[05:29] ---
    Sure.
[05:32] ---
    Shinomiya, your hand—
[05:36] ---
    Shinomiya?
[05:41] ---
    Hurry.
[05:42] ---
    Clean it off.
[05:47] ---
    Hurry.
[05:51] ---
    Man up!
[05:56] ---
    Man up, Miyuki!
[06:07] ---
    I...
[06:08] ---
    have such an awful personality.
[06:14] ---
    I'd forgotten about it for so long.
[06:19] ---
    The fact that if I'm myself...
[06:22] ---
    I end up hurting those around me.
[06:44] ---
    Listen... Switch places with me.
[06:49] ---
    Weren't you going to make
    Pwesident kiss you?
[06:53] ---
    I've had enough.
[06:54] ---
    I'll step back now.
[06:57] ---
    You see...
[06:59] ---
    people never like people like me.
[07:04] ---
    That's how it's always been, remember?
[07:09] ---
    If you're a member of the Shinomiya Family,
    you must never rely on others.
[07:13] ---
    Other people are to be used and manipulated,
    and, if necessary, dumped overboard.
[07:18] ---
    You must never let
    your anger and grief show on your face.
[07:21] ---
    Crying is out of the question.
[07:25] ---
    Do you remember Toshiko?
[07:27] ---
    When we decided to give our teacher
    in the hospital 1000 folded cranes,
[07:30] ---
    and we were all folding them...
[07:33] ---
    Toshiko was such a slow folder,
    I went and told her to take it more seriously.
[07:40] ---
    And then she burst into tears.
[07:43] ---
    I said something similar
    to Kaoru in sixth grade, as well.
[07:47] ---
    At home, we get lashed on the back of the hands
    for not taking it more seriously, don't we?
[07:52] ---
    So, though it was only
    out of pure goodwill that I said that...
[07:52] ---
    TAKE IT MORE SERIOUSLY
[07:56] ---
    I'm taking it seriously as much as I can!
[07:58] ---
    You just don't know what it's like
    to not be able to do something!
[08:03] ---
    I don't understand how that feels,
    so what am I supposed to do?
[08:06] ---
    If you come from a good family,
    you don't have to do anything to draw others to you.
[08:11] ---
    But...
[08:12] ---
    WHY CAN'T YOU EVEN DO
    A SIMPLE THING
    LIKE THIS?
[08:12] ---
    in my case, they'd all desert me in tears.
[08:15] ---
    You're just special, that's all!
[08:17] ---
    Time after time, looking down on me!
[08:19] ---
    I'm only friends with you
    because my mother told me to!
[08:23] ---
    But I can't take being with you anymore!
[08:28] ---
    It's not as if I wanted to be born
    with this personality.
[08:33] ---
    I decided to distance myself from others.
[08:35] ---
    I thought...
[08:37] ---
    that by doing so,
    I could avoid hurting anyone.
[08:42] ---
    But the more I tried to keep people
    at arm's length, the more hurtful I sounded,
[08:47] ---
    and I ended up hurting scores of people.
[08:51] ---
    But at last, I managed to find peace.
[08:54] ---
    Though it was lonely being all by myself,
    I far preferred the sense of relief it brought me.
[09:00] ---
    If it meant not hurting anyone...
[09:03] ---
    it was far better...
[09:05] ---
    to be alone.
[09:10] ---
    And yet...
[09:21] ---
    For the first time in my life,
    I fell in love with someone.
[09:26] ---
    I, who had grown accustomed
    to hurting and rejecting others...
[09:32] ---
    now wished to grow closer to someone.
[09:37] ---
    Every time I hurt this person,
[09:40] ---
    it pains my heart.
[09:43] ---
    Are you crying?
[09:46] ---
    No, I'm not.
[09:49] ---
    You're stupid, you know.
[09:51] ---
    Now you're even trying to deceive yourself.
[09:56] ---
    Haven't I been through enough?
[09:59] ---
    Switch with me!
[10:00] ---
    You can be kind to him, can't you?
[10:03] ---
    - I won't.
    - But why not?
[10:05] ---
    President said so himself!
[10:07] ---
    That he hates people
    who hurt others and are unkind!
[10:10] ---
    And I'm selfish and antagonistic!
[10:12] ---
    I fear other people! I'm a coward!
[10:14] ---
    I'm always hurting people,
    and I don't have a shred of kindness!
[10:18] ---
    I have to hide those parts of me!
[10:20] ---
    The ugly person that I am!
[10:23] ---
    That no one can ever like!
[10:26] ---
    I just can't be sweet!
[10:35] ---
    I get it. I'm you after all.
[10:39] ---
    But you can't leave now.
[10:42] ---
    You still haven't fulfilled your wish.
[10:44] ---
    To make Pwesident kiss you!
[10:47] ---
    I told you, I don't care anymore!
[10:50] ---
    That's what we all wish for, too.
[10:53] ---
    If that high-maintenance,
    unpleasant half of Kaguya Shinomiya...
[11:00] ---
    ...were to receive a kiss from Pwesident...
[11:06] ---
    - ...I'm sure we'd die of happiness!
    - ...I'm sure we'd die of happiness!
[11:28] ---
    President...
[11:30] ---
    is with the doctor!
[11:31] ---
    I've been told what happened.
[11:34] ---
    Let me examine him.
[11:42] ---
    The quack is here!
[11:44] ---
    That was some run!
[11:46] ---
    SLUUURP
[11:46] ---
    I have to hydrate myself!
[11:46] ---
    A TAPIOCA
    MILK TEA
    HAS THE
    SAME AMOUNT
    OF CALORIES
    AS A BOWL
    OF RAMEN
[11:52] ---
    President...
[11:54] ---
    What shall I do if he's seriously ill?
[12:00] ---
    At this time...
[12:02] ---
    all we can do is pray that he'll be all right.
[12:05] ---
    Let's see. I know what this is.
    Just as I suspected.
[12:10] ---
    You're lovesick.
[12:13] ---
    Is there a disease by that name?
[12:16] ---
    Sleep deprivation
    due to pining for one's love...
[12:19] ---
    Blacking out when pressed for a kiss...
[12:21] ---
    In a nutshell, that's what this points to.
[12:24] ---
    Like I said, you're lovesick.
[12:27] ---
    Huh? Just shoot me.
[12:29] ---
    You know, butterflies. Pining.
[12:31] ---
    Doctor, people have gone back
    to saying "I have a crush" nowadays.
[12:36] ---
    Just shoot me.
[12:37] ---
    Don't worry. This isn't the first case
    I've ever seen, so I know what I'm doing.
[12:43] ---
    That being said,
[12:44] ---
    it's still worrisome that you collapsed.
    Can you try to be a little more easygoing?
[12:49] ---
    You're still only 17 or so, right?
[12:52] ---
    When I was your age, I messed around with girls
    like there was no tomorrow, super casual about it.
[12:58] ---
    And you fathered a child at 17, didn't you?
[13:01] ---
    Why the reveal?
[13:03] ---
    And then my own son had
    a shotgun wedding himself at 17.
[13:07] ---
    I guess it's in our blood.
[13:09] ---
    My grandson'll be 17 this year, too,
    so I'm trembling with fear.
[13:11] ---
    CAN'T WAIT
    FOR CHRISTMAS,
    HUH?
[13:12] ---
    YEAH, IT'S SO SWEET!
[13:14] ---
    Why are we talking about this?
[13:17] ---
    At any rate, you're putting
    a little too much pressure on yourself.
[13:19] ---
    If something's eating at you,
    feel free to spill your guts to us.
[13:23] ---
    Nothing's eating at me.
[13:26] ---
    It can be soothing
    just to talk about it to someone.
[13:29] ---
    I said there's nothing!
[13:35] ---
    If I don't give it my all, I'm worthless.
[13:37] ---
    That's why I'm always so intense.
[13:40] ---
    But...
[13:40] ---
    You've really been bottling this up like crazy.
[13:44] ---
    I...
[13:46] ---
    I took the entrance exams for kindergarten
    because it was what my mother wanted.
[13:50] ---
    But... I was a total failure.
[13:53] ---
    And I failed all my entrance exams
    for elementary school, too.
[13:58] ---
    I could feel my mother losing interest in me
    after I didn't get into any of those schools.
[14:04] ---
    That must've been so hard.
[14:06] ---
    I...
[14:07] ---
    Even when my mother left us,
[14:10] ---
    I was sure she'd come get me someday,
    so I kept plugging away at my studies!
[14:15] ---
    But you know, it's not like everyone
    wants you to be smart.
[14:20] ---
    Wherever I go,
    no one will accept me as I am.
[14:25] ---
    Hey, General Affairs Manager Shirogane...
[14:27] ---
    Why the long face?
[14:29] ---
    He just got the cold shoulder
    from the Shinomiya girl.
[14:33] ---
    He's dejected over a trivial thing
    like that. Can you believe it?
[14:37] ---
    Did you say "trivial"?
[14:38] ---
    Well, Treasurer Ryuju is totally fearless.
[14:42] ---
    Huh! In any situation, once people
    look down on you, it's game over.
[14:46] ---
    You're a member of the student council,
    you're smart, and you're not bad-looking.
[14:50] ---
    But this is what you get when you grovel!
[14:54] ---
    If you would just cop
    an "I'm God's gift to women" attitude,
[14:58] ---
    then nobody would ever look down on you.
[15:01] ---
    How can you expect to be popular with the girls
    if you don't show some bravado?
[15:06] ---
    Bravado, huh?
[15:08] ---
    But...
[15:10] ---
    it was spot on.
[15:11] ---
    Shinomiya...
[15:13] ---
    Compete with me on the next exams.
[15:16] ---
    If, for some reason, I lose to you,
    I'll do anything you want.
[15:20] ---
    What's this all of a sudden?
    I refuse to do such a thing.
[15:23] ---
    Are you afraid of losing to me?
[15:26] ---
    Excuse me?
[15:30] ---
    How insolent.
[15:32] ---
    State your name.
[15:34] ---
    From that day onward...
[15:34] ---
    NUMBER 1:
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    NUMBER 2:
    KAGUYA SHINOMIYA
    NUMBER 3:
    MAKI SHIJO
    NUMBER 4:
    KAZUNE ABE
    NUMBER 5:
    TAIGA ARAKAWA
[15:36] ---
    Shinomiya began to perceive me
    as an individual.
[15:39] ---
    It wasn't just Shinomiya.
[15:41] ---
    The whole school became aware of me...
[15:44] ---
    as Miyuki Shirogane,
    the next student council president.
[15:49] ---
    Until then, I'd been invisible.
[15:51] ---
    But finally...
[15:53] ---
    That's quite a massive social mask
    you've been wearing.
[15:58] ---
    It was the do-or-die me
    who kissed Shinomiya.
[16:02] ---
    The me...
[16:04] ---
    who's always going all out,
    full of bravado.
[16:07] ---
    To make the person I'm in love with
    fall in love with me,
[16:10] ---
    I have to create a persona
    who's nothing like me.
[16:14] ---
    To become Shinomiya's equal,
[16:16] ---
    I have to go far enough
    to collapse once or twice.
[16:21] ---
    I see.
[16:22] ---
    Boys will be boys.
[16:24] ---
    In that case, you should see it through,
    until that bravado becomes your true—
[16:29] ---
    But she was crying, you know.
[16:31] ---
    What?
[16:32] ---
    I'm thinking she might be feeling
    responsible, too.
[16:35] ---
    She was totally pale,
    looking after you.
[16:38] ---
    You should know more than anyone else
    how sensitive she is.
[16:41] ---
    How it worries her to see you
    pushing yourself so hard.
[16:46] ---
    To pick up where I left off—
[16:47] ---
    I find it quite stimulating to see the moment
    a boy's vulnerabilities are exposed!
[16:51] ---
    At the end of the day, it's that gap!
[16:53] ---
    It always gets to me when I see
    a gung-ho kid in a moment of weakness!
[16:56] ---
    I can't give any sound advice
    with my assistant butting in.
[17:01] ---
    Even so,
[17:03] ---
    I'm still too scared to expose who I am.
[17:16] ---
    A mask isn't something
    that you can easily remove.
[17:19] ---
    You're both being cowardly.
[17:22] ---
    What are you going to do, Lady Kaguya?
[17:25] ---
    I love seeing President giving his all.
[17:30] ---
    But that's not the only thing.
[17:32] ---
    I have to tell him.
[17:35] ---
    It always gets to me when I see
    a gung-ho kid in a moment of weakness.
[17:40] ---
    Even I...
[17:41] ---
    understand that much.
[17:47] ---
    And now here's the sketchy
    middle-aged man!
[17:52] ---
    Well, not that I didn't see this
    coming eventually.
[17:54] ---
    Oh well...
[17:55] ---
    get some rest tonight.
[18:10] ---
    Good work.
    See you tomorrow.
    READ 4
[18:10] ---
    We'll take care
    of everything here,
    so please
    just get some rest
[18:10] ---
    President!?
    Are you
    all right now!?
[18:12] ---
    Please don't die!
    TEARS TEARS TEARS
[18:16] ---
    It was just sleep deprivation,
    so no worries!
    I'm home now!
[18:30] ---
    Are you okay?
    Try not to overdo it
[18:30] ---
    HERTHAKA
[18:37] ---
    Are you okay?
    Try not to overdo it
    READ
[18:37] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[18:38] ---
    How can I ensure
    that President won't overdo it?
[18:43] ---
    President is quite stubborn,
[18:45] ---
    so even if I ask him to stop,
    he'll go on pushing himself.
[18:48] ---
    Not only that...
[18:49] ---
    but I can never be articulate when I see him.
[18:53] ---
    Please, will you drop the maiden act? Huh?
[18:56] ---
    MIYUKI SHIROGANE
[18:57] ---
    How's Shinomiya doing?
    I know I've made her worry.
[19:05] ---
    Shinomiya!
[19:08] ---
    How are you doing?
[19:09] ---
    Sorry to make you worry.
[19:13] ---
    What kind of game is this?
[19:14] ---
    This is practice.
[19:16] ---
    If you can't be articulate
    when you see President,
[19:20] ---
    then you should practice with me
    playing him.
[19:23] ---
    Say whatever you want,
    and don't hold back.
[19:25] ---
    We can simulate with accuracy
    using the power of IT.
[19:29] ---
    How ridiculous.
[19:32] ---
    All right, then, President, do you like me?
[19:37] ---
    Do you like
    Lady Kaguya?
[19:39] ---
    Well...
[19:40] ---
    I view you as a member
    of the opposite sex for sure.
[19:44] ---
    What a farce this is.
[19:47] ---
    Oh, never mind. Let's keep going.
[19:50] ---
    The way you won't come right out
    and say you like me is so Shirogane.
[19:53] ---
    But I think it'd be a more faithful rendition
    if you sounded pushier.
[19:57] ---
    Also, perhaps you should put on
    some men's clothing.
[19:59] ---
    Did we have any school uniforms
    in the house?
[20:01] ---
    You just said it was a farce,
    and now all these demands?
[20:05] ---
    Lately...
[20:07] ---
    she's been giving me
    the cold shoulder
[20:09] ---
    Hey, Shinomiya...
[20:11] ---
    Why the cold shoulder lately?
[20:13] ---
    Because I can't be honest
    with you, that's all.
[20:17] ---
    The truth is,
    I want to be kinder to you. But...
[20:20] ---
    The truth is, she wants to be kinder to you,
    but her pride keeps getting in the way......
    I think that's what it is.
    Just my two cents.
[20:20] ---
    Her pride keeps getting in the way.
    I think that's what it is.
[20:25] ---
    Hey...
[20:27] ---
    This sounds like Shinomiya talking,
    it's so convincing, for some reason.
[20:31] ---
    Gotta give props to that maid of hers.
[20:34] ---
    So, when did you first start liking me?
[20:38] ---
    Um...
[20:40] ---
    Ever since the spring of our first year.
[20:42] ---
    Oh, please.
[20:44] ---
    We hadn't even met yet then.
[20:47] ---
    How much do you like me, President?
[20:50] ---
    Probably way more than you think, Shinomiya!
[20:53] ---
    FLOUNDER
    KICK
[20:54] ---
    It pleases me that it pleases you this much.
[20:57] ---
    When did you start liking me?
    How much do you like me?
[20:58] ---
    Come on, Herthaka!
    What kind of questions are these?
[21:03] ---
    I've done all the listening until now.
[21:05] ---
    Now you're going to answer my questions.
[21:08] ---
    What I want to ask you, Shinomiya...
[21:12] ---
    The you that I always see...
[21:14] ---
    or who you are now...
[21:16] ---
    Which is the real Shinomiya?
[21:20] ---
    They're all real.
[21:22] ---
    Who doesn't hide their weak spots?
[21:27] ---
    I've only been doing
    what everyone else does.
[21:31] ---
    The day we kissed...
[21:34] ---
    I was so happy, and I thought my heart
    would be bursting with joy for a while,
[21:40] ---
    but then I felt a sorrow
    like a knife to my heart.
[21:43] ---
    I wondered why, and it hit me right away.
[21:49] ---
    You won't show me all there is to you.
[21:54] ---
    And then...
[21:56] ---
    I realized that I was the same way.
[22:02] ---
    Right now,
[22:05] ---
    I think I'd like to be the one to confess.
[22:07] ---
    Seriously?
[22:09] ---
    Yes.
[22:10] ---
    It'd be too sad if we were to hide half of ourselves
    and become boyfriend and girlfriend,
[22:14] ---
    both knowing only one half of each other.
[22:18] ---
    I...
[22:20] ---
    want to show you all of me,
    and having done that, I...
[22:28] ---
    I want to tell you...
[22:30] ---
    that I love all of you.
[22:36] ---
    A relationship in which
    you don't hide your soul
[22:39] ---
    That's the kind of romance
[22:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya is seeking
[22:46] ---
    Don't hide, huh?
[22:50] ---
    Shinomiya, that's what you say
    when you have it all.
[22:54] ---
    I'm way weaker than Shinomiya thinks.
[22:56] ---
    Brother...
[22:58] ---
    You haven't eaten
    any of your rice porridge.
[23:00] ---
    For obsequious, cowardly...
[23:01] ---
    I'm not hungry. I'll have it later.
[23:03] ---
    Later?
[23:03] ---
    and inept me...
[23:06] ---
    ...to contend with someone so accomplished,
    there's only one way.
[23:13] ---
    HARD WORK
[23:15] ---
    NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN
[23:20] ---
    All I can do is devote
    more time than others.
[23:24] ---
    I'd never show the real me
    as long as I lived.
[23:28] ---
    BECOME THE KIND OF MAN
    WORTHY OF STANDING
    BY SHINOMIYA'S SIDE
[23:30] ---
    It doesn't matter anymore
    what Shinomiya thinks.
[23:33] ---
    DECEMBER 23
[23:34] ---
    I'm going to redeem myself at Christmas.
[23:37] ---
    I'll do better...
[23:39] ---
    than I did at the culture festival.
[23:41] ---
    Better!
[23:45] ---
    Better!
[23:49] ---
    And so...
[23:50] ---
    CURRENT TIME
[23:52] ---
    DECEMBER 23
[23:53] ---
    the night of Christmas Eve will come.
[23:57] ---
    DECEMBER 24

The First Kiss That Never Ends

M4 - Kaguya is Fine With It

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    DECEMBER 24
[01:32] ---
    Christmas Eve.
[01:35] ---
    The city is awash in jingle bells
    and Christmas lighting,
[01:39] ---
    and those in love
    slowly give in to the romantic night.
[01:55] ---
    However...
[01:59] ---
    PESU (DOG)
[01:59] ---
    KADOMA
    TREE
[01:59] ---
    WARM UP
    YOUR BODY
    
    WARMTH TO
     YOUR HEART
[01:59] ---
    MERRY NEW YEAR
    PEACE
[01:59] ---
    FIRST SUNRISE
[02:01] ---
    First, let me ask you.
[02:03] ---
    What's this?
[02:05] ---
    CHRISTMAS PINE
[02:05] ---
    A Christmas pine!
[02:07] ---
    And this?
[02:09] ---
    A lion dance reindeer.
[02:10] ---
    Who are you?
[02:14] ---
    I'm Demon Santa!
[02:14] ---
    ANY NICE GIRLS AROUND?
[02:16] ---
    Why does your family mash up
    Christmas and New Year's?
[02:21] ---
    I totally hear you, President.
[02:23] ---
    We felt the same way at first.
[02:26] ---
    A few years ago, we left the tree out
    long after Christmas ended,
[02:30] ---
    and my sister turned it
    into a New Year's pine!
[02:33] ---
    FIRST
    LIGHTS
[02:34] ---
    We went on using it every year
    so as not to be wasteful...
[02:36] ---
    KADOMA
    TREE
[02:39] ---
    until we came to believe that this was
    precisely what Christmas should look like.
[02:44] ---
    Don't spread your own self-serving culture!
[02:46] ---
    Oh, crap!
[02:47] ---
    I was planning to make this
    a glamorous night
[02:49] ---
    and clear the air with Shinomiya
    about where we stand!
[02:54] ---
    I'm repulsing the wishful thinkers!
    This house is clean!
[02:55] ---
    What is this eccentric pagan festival?
[02:58] ---
    Asking Fujiwara to take care
    of the preparations was a mistake.
[03:01] ---
    Oh, let it go, Miyuki.
[03:03] ---
    I mean, ringing in the New Year
    and chilling with everyone...
[03:07] ---
    is not half bad.
[03:08] ---
    What did I tell you?
    Now even you're in New Year's mode, Kei!
[03:11] ---
    Sleepy...
[03:12] ---
    I'm quite thrilled
    to spend New Year's with you all.
[03:16] ---
    Well, if you're okay with it, Shinomiya.
[03:19] ---
    I brought everyone some soft drinks!
[03:22] ---
    All right, everybody!
[03:26] ---
    Merry Christmas!
[03:30] ---
    Now then, you guys...
[03:31] ---
    NON-ALCOHOLIC
[03:32] ---
    Cheers!
[03:33] ---
    Cheers!
[03:39] ---
    Cheers!
[03:41] ---
    NON-ALCOHOLIC
[03:47] ---
    NON-ALCOHOLIC
[04:00] ---
    NON-ALCOHOLIC
[04:02] ---
    HOLY
[04:15] ---
    All righty!
[04:16] ---
    The moment you've all been waiting for!
    Gift exchange time!
[04:16] ---
    TA-DA
[04:20] ---
    We're going to draw lots
    to decide which gifts we get!
[04:23] ---
    Oh...
[04:24] ---
    KEI
    ME <3
    KAGUYA
    MOEHA
    PRESIDENT
[04:24] ---
    So, we'll be drawing chopsticks?
    Let me see those—
[04:29] ---
    If you touch these chopsticks
    with your candle-wax-covered hands,
[04:33] ---
    it'll corrupt the lots!
[04:36] ---
    Okay, I'm gonna draw one!
[04:38] ---
    Ta-da!
[04:39] ---
    Hey! That's mine!
[04:39] ---
    KEI
[04:41] ---
    My gift is...
[04:43] ---
    a picture book.
[04:43] ---
    THREE CAT DETECTIVES
[04:44] ---
    So cute!
[04:46] ---
    MOEHA, CHIKA - NOT REALLY
[04:46] ---
    Humph!
[04:46] ---
    PRESIDENT - WANT
    KEI - WANT
[04:51] ---
    A book!
[04:53] ---
    I could've run with that!
[04:54] ---
    Between Kaguya's erratic behavior
    and his own hospitalization...
[04:58] ---
    Shirogane could only manage
    some last-minute gift-shopping.
[05:00] ---
    BIG
    WINTER
    BARGAIN
[05:03] ---
    What could I give
    someone as rich as Shinomiya?
[05:03] ---
    YOSEGIZAIKU SECRET BOX
    ONIOROSHI
[05:06] ---
    After much agonizing,
    what he picked out was...
[05:10] ---
    a handkerchief.
[05:12] ---
    A present that shoots far past the comfort zone
    and couldn't be less exciting.
[05:15] ---
    This is a devastating failure
    on Shirogane's part!
[05:17] ---
    Now it's your turn, Kei!
[05:19] ---
    Come on!
[05:20] ---
    Just let everyone else's gifts
    be as boring as possible!
[05:23] ---
    Huh? Did I just draw yours, Kaguya?
[05:26] ---
    There's an aroma diffuser inside.
[05:29] ---
    I've also included some essential oils.
[05:33] ---
    I'll use them with care!
[05:35] ---
    Please share them with your brother.
[05:37] ---
    PRESIDENT (TRUE TARGET)
    KEI (MORE THAN ACCEPTABLE)
[05:38] ---
    Nice going, Shinomiya!
[05:40] ---
    You sure come up with the best gifts!
[05:42] ---
    But...
[05:43] ---
    look whose are left!
    The Fujiwara Sisters who decorated this house!
[05:46] ---
    I just know they got presents so eye-popping
    they'll blast my boring gift into oblivion!
[05:49] ---
    KA-BOOM
[05:53] ---
    I shall pick...
[05:53] ---
    ME <3
[05:56] ---
    Miss Chika...
[05:58] ---
    Fujiwara's gift, right?
[06:01] ---
    My present is...
[06:03] ---
    homemade bath bombs!
[06:06] ---
    Bath bombs?
[06:07] ---
    Yes! You put them in the bathtub,
    and they fizzle and smell great! It's fun!
[06:11] ---
    Can't you be more blunt?
[06:13] ---
    You're the type who can make people
    squirm with your retorts!
[06:14] ---
    Merry Christmas!
[06:16] ---
    GRIPE
    VASE
[06:18] ---
    My last hope is...
[06:20] ---
    Hey!
[06:21] ---
    That means you and I
    will be exchanging gifts, President!
[06:22] ---
    PRESIDENT
[06:22] ---
    MOEHA
[06:25] ---
    What a coincidence!
[06:26] ---
    - You rigged it that way, didn't you?
    - President Shirogane's present is...
[06:30] ---
    a handkerchief!
[06:32] ---
    How simple and nice!
[06:34] ---
    More like simple and... boring, huh?
[06:38] ---
    Please open mine now!
[06:42] ---
    I'm begging you!
[06:43] ---
    Let it be something weird!
[06:50] ---
    Moeha! What kind of gift
    is that to give to my brother?
[06:54] ---
    I'm sorry, President!
[06:55] ---
    I'm the only normal person in my family!
    Everyone else is an oddball!
[06:59] ---
    No.
[07:01] ---
    I'm so thrilled.
[07:03] ---
    Whaaaaat?
[07:04] ---
    Thank you, Fujiwara's little sister.
    This is exactly what I've been wanting.
[07:08] ---
    Moeha! You spiked my brother's drink
    with something, didn't you?
[07:11] ---
    If you're not sure how to use them,
    ask me anytime!
[07:15] ---
    What do you mean, "how to use them"?
    What do you mean? Whaaaaat?
[07:36] ---
    Presents...
[07:40] ---
    We didn't draw each other's, did we?
[07:43] ---
    I guess not.
[07:45] ---
    President...
[07:48] ---
    Don't let the others find out about this.
[07:53] ---
    Please open it when you get home.
[07:55] ---
    Th-Thanks.
[08:00] ---
    Don't you...
[08:02] ---
    have one for me?
[08:03] ---
    Something...
[08:05] ---
    for me...
[08:07] ---
    I do.
[08:17] ---
    No.
[08:18] ---
    Sorry, I can't!
[08:19] ---
    Because this is something random
    that I picked up!
[08:22] ---
    It's fine. I don't mind
    if it was random.
[08:24] ---
    I can't!
[08:26] ---
    No, really, I was so slammed when I chose it!
[08:29] ---
    And now I have no idea
    why I'd buy anything like this!
[08:32] ---
    This isn't for you!
    I wanna give you something more perfect—
[08:38] ---
    You really have no clue!
[08:40] ---
    I'm telling you
    it doesn't have to be perfect!
[08:49] ---
    NEW DELHI, INDIA
    I'M GOING TO ATTAIN ENLIGHTENMENT!
[08:50] ---
    MAKI'S TWIN BROTHER
    MIKADO SHIJO
[08:52] ---
    I'm telling you
    it doesn't have to be perfect!
[08:56] ---
    If this present is an aspect of yourself
    that you don't wish me to see,
[09:00] ---
    then I'm never going to let go!
[09:02] ---
    I don't know what you mean by that!
[09:07] ---
    Fujiwara, you talk some sense into her!
[09:10] ---
    Miss Fujiwara?
[09:18] ---
    I should've known!
[09:28] ---
    That present is a part of President
    that he wants to hide.
[09:32] ---
    He's always like this!
[09:34] ---
    Trying so hard, overdoing it
    to a worrying degree!
[09:37] ---
    Taking so much time and care
    to show me something perfect!
[09:43] ---
    TOMIGAYA PARK
[09:44] ---
    But I also wanna know
    the you who's not like that!
[09:47] ---
    I want to see you! To unmask you!
[09:50] ---
    Truly, you're so stubborn!
[09:53] ---
    President, you said
    you purchased that for me!
[09:56] ---
    So, it belongs to me now!
[09:59] ---
    I said I can't give it to you!
    How selfish are you anyway, Shinomiya?
[10:03] ---
    I knew it.
[10:07] ---
    The truth is, you hate me,
    and that's why you won't show it to me!
[10:11] ---
    Huh?
[10:12] ---
    You might as well say it directly!
[10:14] ---
    That you hate harsh women
    with horrible personalities like me!
[10:17] ---
    That's why you won't show it to me, right?
[10:20] ---
    I showed you my true self,
    because I wanted you to show me your true self!
[10:23] ---
    What are you talking about?
[10:25] ---
    What other reason can there be?
[10:26] ---
    Doesn't everybody want the person they love
    to see their true self?
[10:30] ---
    The person they love?
[10:31] ---
    I don't want to keep secrets
    from the person I love!
[10:34] ---
    BECOME THE KIND OF MAN
    WORTHY OF STANDING
    BY SHINOMIYA'S SIDE
[10:37] ---
    To be able to share everything,
    to understand each other completely!
[10:41] ---
    What could be lovelier than that?
[10:44] ---
    I've been trying to be more likable lately.
[10:48] ---
    But scratch the surface,
    and this is who I am.
[10:52] ---
    I was sure that if I continued to hide
    the selfish, disagreeable and aggressive me,
[10:56] ---
    I could never advance to the next level!
[11:03] ---
    I showed you my weak side!
    Because I want us to understand each other!
[11:08] ---
    That's why...
[11:10] ---
    now, I want you to show me
    your weak side!
[11:15] ---
    I get what you're trying to say.
[11:18] ---
    And I think it'd be ideal if I could do that.
[11:22] ---
    But it's the opposite for me.
[11:24] ---
    Don't you think it's because you love someone
    that you can't show them your weak side?
[11:29] ---
    Like, "What if I show my weak side,
    and it disillusions her?"
[11:32] ---
    or "What if she sees something in me
    that's unacceptable?"
[11:36] ---
    The stronger my feelings for her,
    the more I can't let her see that side of me!
[11:41] ---
    I understand your rationale!
[11:45] ---
    But as I've shown you my true self,
    please show me yours, President!
[11:48] ---
    Otherwise, I will have shown you
    for nothing!
[11:50] ---
    You're so stubborn!
[11:53] ---
    You make it sound like terms for a trade!
[11:55] ---
    But it's not even a trade
    in the first place!
[11:58] ---
    You say that you have
    a horrible personality...
[12:01] ---
    but I knew that going in,
    and I've never thought it was negative!
[12:07] ---
    At first,
[12:08] ---
    I thought you looked down on people
[12:10] ---
    and that you were keeping
    your distance from others.
[12:14] ---
    But when it hit me that you were distancing
    yourself because you didn't want to hurt anyone,
[12:21] ---
    I thought, "Hey, that's sweet!"
[12:25] ---
    From the get-go,
    I liked that side of you,
[12:28] ---
    so telling me to show my weak side because
    you showed me yours doesn't make us equal.
[12:34] ---
    But I can't look cool unless I try to.
[12:37] ---
    So I avoid doing anything
    to stir up a hornet's nest—
[12:39] ---
    Oh, how you do go on and on!
[12:41] ---
    Just show it to me!
[12:42] ---
    Hey, come on!
[12:43] ---
    I assure you, no matter what kind
    of present it is, it'll be fine!
[12:47] ---
    You may not think so, but I'm far more...
[13:06] ---
    You're good.
[13:07] ---
    Why did you give me a cup-and-ball toy?
[13:10] ---
    Somewhere along the way,
    I lost sight, myself!
[13:12] ---
    I had to pick something out in a rush!
[13:14] ---
    But it wasn't like I could just get
    something cheap and be done with it!
[13:17] ---
    After a lot of process of elimination,
    it came down to this cup-and-ball toy.
[13:23] ---
    How absurd!
[13:27] ---
    Now I can see
    why you wanted to run away!
[13:30] ---
    This isn't romantic in the least!
[13:32] ---
    Hey, you don't have to laugh so hard.
[13:34] ---
    You sure are cruel.
[13:36] ---
    However, look.
[13:39] ---
    Do I seem at all disillusioned?
[13:50] ---
    Ridiculous, isn't it?
[13:52] ---
    In a park like this,
    devoid of Christmas lights...
[13:55] ---
    It wasn't supposed to be like this.
[13:57] ---
    This is what I want.
[13:59] ---
    I don't need lights or balloons.
[14:03] ---
    Not that those balloons
    weren't lovely and romantic...
[14:08] ---
    but it doesn't have to be like that.
[14:15] ---
    Because I find ordinary things like this...
[14:18] ---
    to be romantic.
[14:22] ---
    Ordinary, huh?
[14:28] ---
    Tell me, President...
[14:30] ---
    on Christmas Eve,
    what would a couple...
[14:34] ---
    ordinarily do at a time like this?
[14:41] ---
    If you're okay with ordinary.
    Something like this, I guess.
[15:02] ---
    Hey, President...
[15:04] ---
    Look at me.
[15:06] ---
    I won't hide who I am.
[15:09] ---
    Show me who you are.
[15:11] ---
    And I'll accept it.
[15:14] ---
    Some might laugh it off as sugarcoating
    to want to show each other everything.
[15:20] ---
    There must be a wiser,
    more graceful way to handle this.
[15:25] ---
    But in my eyes...
[15:27] ---
    this is romantic.
[15:31] ---
    Not to have anything to hide...
[15:34] ---
    is the most romantic thing...
[15:37] ---
    I can offer you.
[15:41] ---
    Our second kiss was a light one,
    our lips barely brushing...
[15:46] ---
    and yet, somehow, my heart pounded
    as hard as it did during the culture festival.
[15:52] ---
    Surely every time I discover
    something new about you...
[15:56] ---
    it will feel like...
[15:57] ---
    I'm kissing you for the first time.
[16:01] ---
    THE FIRST KISS THAT NEVER ENDS
[16:17] ---
    Finally...
[16:19] ---
    you're holding my hand.
[16:21] ---
    Though it's frozen through and cold.
[16:24] ---
    I don't mind.
[16:33] ---
    Shinomiya, do you...
[16:35] ---
    Do you think that I shouldn't aim
    so high all the time?
[16:40] ---
    I must say that I don't want you
    to overdo it.
[16:42] ---
    But if I hadn't,
    we never would've ended up like this.
[16:47] ---
    It's all because I pushed myself.
[16:48] ---
    You may be right about that.
[16:52] ---
    But the same goes for me.
[16:54] ---
    If I, too, had continued
    to act coldly toward you...
[16:59] ---
    I'm certain that somewhere along the line,
    you would've deserted me.
[17:03] ---
    You and I both aimed high,
    each taking a step toward each other...
[17:08] ---
    and I believe that's why
    we're here now, holding hands.
[17:13] ---
    Then, that means we need to aim high.
[17:16] ---
    Perhaps.
[17:18] ---
    Since you're stubborn, President,
[17:20] ---
    I'm sure you're going to continue
    to run yourself into the ground.
[17:26] ---
    But...
[17:27] ---
    when you feel exhausted,
    why don't we take a little break together?
[17:32] ---
    Just a little at a time.
[17:34] ---
    From time to time,
    let's drop the bravado...
[17:36] ---
    and lean on each other...
[17:39] ---
    and be there for each other
    when one of us is about to collapse.
[17:42] ---
    Our hands may be cold,
    but holding them will warm them up.
[17:47] ---
    Surely, isn't that what it means
    to be in a relationship?
[17:52] ---
    Shinomiya, you're fine
    with having a guy like me?
[17:55] ---
    No matter what an awful person
    I might be?
[17:58] ---
    Yes.
[18:14] ---
    Kaguya?
[18:16] ---
    Where'd you run off to?
    We're gonna play a board game!
[18:19] ---
    I'm sorry. I'll be right there.
[18:24] ---
    How inopportune.
[18:27] ---
    You said it.
[18:31] ---
    We won't have a white Christmas
    in Tokyo this year again.
[18:34] ---
    That's perfectly fine.
[18:37] ---
    That's ordinary.
[18:39] ---
    Although I must say
    I was taken aback by this present.
[18:42] ---
    Yeah, but it happens to be
    a pretty swanky one!
[18:44] ---
    Yes.
[18:46] ---
    I can see that this fabric is first-class.
[18:51] ---
    I want to have an ordinary relationship.
[18:55] ---
    I want to be an ordinary girl.
[18:58] ---
    To laugh and cry whenever I want.
[19:01] ---
    That's the kind of sweet person
    I thought that I wished to be.
[19:05] ---
    I thought it would be wonderful
    to be able to be kind to others.
[19:10] ---
    I want to be sweet.
[19:12] ---
    Can I become sweet?
[19:20] ---
    I want to become someone...
[19:23] ---
    who can love herself.
[19:30] ---
    What do you think?
[19:33] ---
    You look cute.
[19:34] ---
    BOX FOR UNNECESSARY THINGS
[19:36] ---
    President said I looked cute!
[19:38] ---
    He did no such thing.
    He definitely said that to me.
[19:41] ---
    But that's my ribbon!
[19:44] ---
    SIGH...
[19:44] ---
    Who cares which one it was,
    you're all me anyway.
[19:48] ---
    This should be evaluated
    based on all past actions!
[19:50] ---
    You're trying to trick us
    by using those big words!
[19:52] ---
    Needless to say, these are all
    merely images inside her mind,
[19:53] ---
    Old trash like you can shut up!
[19:54] ---
    When you put on that ribbon,
    you became me! Therefore—
[19:57] ---
    - Objection!
    - Denied!
[19:58] ---
    and super-deformed is just that.
    Super-deformed.
[19:59] ---
    Your Honor!
[20:01] ---
    That's right. This is...
[20:04] ---
    the super-deformed version
    of a young girl's wavering heart.
[20:09] ---
    President, your winter break...
[20:11] ---
    Would you please spare a day for me?
[20:13] ---
    What? Sure.
[20:16] ---
    Let's go on a date.
[20:18] ---
    There's something that I'd like
    to say to you in actual words.
[20:21] ---
    DECEMBER 27
[20:25] ---
    Why do people confess their feelings?
[20:28] ---
    FATE
    LINE
[20:28] ---
    HEAD
    LINE
[20:28] ---
    PALM READING
[20:28] ---
    LIFE
    LINE
[20:28] ---
    First of all,
[20:30] ---
    SIDE JOB (A HOLIDAY-ONLY FORTUNE TELLER)
[20:30] ---
    let me see your palms.
[20:33] ---
    Ah...
[20:34] ---
    I can see that you haven't had
    any good romances until now.
[20:36] ---
    What? You can tell
    just by seeing my hand?
[20:39] ---
    Also, you're rather purehearted, aren't you?
[20:41] ---
    And when you get stressed, you go
    on shopping sprees. That's what your palm says.
[20:46] ---
    Wow!
[20:47] ---
    This guy's the real deal!
[20:49] ---
    So...
[20:50] ---
    Yes.
[20:51] ---
    Why do people confess
    their feelings, was it?
[20:55] ---
    Yes.
[20:56] ---
    Wha...
[20:58] ---
    Why did you show up for our date
    in your regular clothes?
[21:00] ---
    Huh? Doesn't everybody go on dates
    wearing their own clothes?
[21:03] ---
    But President, you should be wearing your uniform
    no matter what the time or occasion!
[21:06] ---
    That's why I thought
    I'd coordinate with you!
[21:09] ---
    Why today of all days?
[21:11] ---
    Well, because...
[21:14] ---
    Because today is that kind of day.
[21:19] ---
    Let's go.
[21:21] ---
    All right.
[21:24] ---
    People start dating,
    then break up without a thought.
[21:27] ---
    That person just might be your soul mate.
[21:30] ---
    You might go on loving that person forever,
    even though he might not go on loving you.
[21:36] ---
    But if you love him,
    you should stay with him.
[21:38] ---
    If you start hating him,
    then all you have to do is leave, but...
[21:51] ---
    ...doesn't it get all complicated...
[21:53] ---
    if you put it into words?
[21:56] ---
    You do have a point there.
[21:59] ---
    But it is a blessing to be able to love someone
    so much that it turns your brain into mush.
[22:05] ---
    You should try it once.
[22:09] ---
    And it's only natural to want to be
    in a relationship with the one you love.
[22:16] ---
    Freaking out that you might get dumped...
[22:19] ---
    Playing little games...
[22:23] ---
    You'll come up with all kinds of plans
    and hold out for the perfect timing...
[22:29] ---
    But your heart will be pounding,
    and nothing will make sense anymore.
[22:36] ---
    When it starts looking like the day will end
    before you can say those words...
[22:45] ---
    I'm in love with you.
[22:48] ---
    Please be my boyfriend.
[22:51] ---
    You might find yourself blurting it out.
[22:54] ---
    You fall in love, confess
    and become a couple.
[22:58] ---
    Anyone would agree
    that's a wonderful thing.
[23:02] ---
    But that notion is wrong.
[23:05] ---
    Love is only blissful until it's attained.
[23:10] ---
    After your feelings reach certain heights,
    it's all downhill from there.
[23:15] ---
    That is what true love really is.
[23:19] ---
    Beyond love, there are no victors or losers.
[23:22] ---
    There's no telling if that person
    is your soul mate or not.
[23:25] ---
    There might not even be eternal love.
[23:28] ---
    Fine.
[23:31] ---
    But...
[23:32] ---
    true love just might exist.
[23:35] ---
    One just needs to have a sharp mind.
[23:37] ---
    To seek true love, you must think.
[23:41] ---
    This is no easy task.
[23:43] ---
    Even so, it is only those
    who continue to use their minds...
[23:48] ---
    who can be the first in the world
    to attain true love.