Season 2 - Love is War?

E1 - Ai Hayasaka Wants to Stave Them Off

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] ---
    I swear I'll make you say it.
[00:05] ---
    "KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"
[00:07] ---
    The words, "I love you."
[00:12] ---
    "AAAH!!"
[00:14] ---
    "THE GENIUSES' WAR OF HEARTS AND MINDS"
[00:15] ---
    "I'M AN UNWANTED CHILD!!"
[00:41] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[00:52] ---
    Ai Hayasaka.
[00:53] ---
    Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant
[00:56] ---
    is a pro at handling her employer's
    impossible demands.
[01:01] ---
    I apologize for this, President.
[01:03] ---
    It's all for Lady Kaguya.
[01:11] ---
    How's the coffee, President?
[01:12] ---
    "AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF"
[01:14] ---
    Oh, it's as good as always.
[01:17] ---
    Is that right?
[01:18] ---
    I'm glad to hear it.
[01:33] ---
    Decaffeinated coffee!
SIGN    "SHIROGANE'S DAY" "Sleep" "Morning Study"
[01:35] ---
    Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.
SIGN    "Go to School" "Classes" "Student Council"
SIGN    "Job" "Go Home" "Night Study"
[01:38] ---
    If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,
[01:38] ---
    "CAFFEINE"
[01:40] ---
    it's as if his battery runs out.
[01:41] ---
    He's a major caffeine fiend.
[01:43] ---
    Without the caffeine in his coffee
    serving as a lifeline,
[01:47] ---
    he crashes!
[01:48] ---
    Goodnight, President.
[01:51] ---
    Now...
[01:52] ---
    ...for the next step of my strategy...
[01:54] ---
    Like most days,
    Kaguya is plotting something, but...
[02:03] ---
    What's wrong?
[02:05] ---
    Hayasaka,
[02:07] ---
    there's been an accident.
[02:09] ---
    President is...
[02:11] ---
    ...on my shoulder!
[02:14] ---
    Ch-Change of plans!
[02:16] ---
    Listen! Until I come up with the next plan,
    don't let a single soul enter this room!
[02:23] ---
    As you wish.
[02:24] ---
    The first topic of the first episode
    of the second season is...
[02:28] ---
    Ai Hayasaka's hardships.
SIGN    "MISSION: Don't let a single soul into the student council room"
[02:40] ---
    I left something in there!
[02:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya is in a really bad mood!
[02:46] ---
    She has this murderous gleam
    in her eyes.
[02:50] ---
    Changing people's behaviors...
[02:52] ---
    To accomplish this,
    you need to anticipate their actions,
[02:54] ---
    "FUND-RAISING PERMISSION FORM"
[02:55] ---
    read their train of thought
[02:56] ---
    and choose
    the appropriate intervention.
[02:56] ---
    "Skill: Gal Mode"
SIGN    "No one's in the student council room. It's locked. I can't finish my errands. People with free time, meet up in the library."
[03:23] ---
    Here.
[03:50] ---
    "NAPPING"
[03:53] ---
    Has Lady Kaguya accomplished
    her objective?
[03:57] ---
    I wouldn't expect a kiss,
    but perhaps his head lying on her lap.
[04:05] ---
    Nothing has changed!
[04:07] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[04:07] ---
    Today's battle result...
[04:08] ---
    "KAGUYA WINS"
[04:09] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[04:11] ---
    This still counts!
[04:14] ---
    "THAT WAS BEFORE SUMMER VACATION.
    AND NOW..."
[04:17] ---
    Romantic advice?
[04:19] ---
    Yeah, man.
[04:20] ---
    It's like you're the romantic guru around here.
    Like Dr. Love or something.
[04:26] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    HAS NOT ACHIEVED NIRVANA"
[04:26] ---
    That's fine, but...
[04:29] ---
    "FLOP "FLIP
    DUDE-BRO" WIMP"
[04:30] ---
    Um... The thing is...
[04:32] ---
    What the hell happened to you?
[04:33] ---
    You're like a sleazy player!
[04:33] ---
    "PLAYA!!"
[04:34] ---
    Post-summer vacation!
[04:36] ---
    They say you should take a close look at a boy
    if you haven't seen him for three days,
[04:39] ---
    and the change is even more obvious
    after the month-long summer vacation.
[04:43] ---
    Various internal changes manifest externally.
[04:44] ---
    Before summer vacation,
    your hair was straight and black!
[04:48] ---
    What's this?
[04:49] ---
    Well, that's related
    to what I want to ask you about.
[04:54] ---
    All right, fine!
[04:57] ---
    If you're doing a consultation,
    I could make myself scarce.
[04:59] ---
    No, it's cool.
[05:01] ---
    In fact, I want you to listen in.
[05:04] ---
    So, what's the problem?
[05:06] ---
    Well, it's about Nagisa again.
[05:09] ---
    You know, my girlfriend.
[05:10] ---
    He had to throw that in.
[05:12] ---
    Aren't things going well
    between you two?
[05:15] ---
    Going well?
[05:17] ---
    What's the yardstick for that?
[05:20] ---
    It's so-so, I guess.
[05:23] ---
    President, that expression doesn't say
    "so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!
[05:24] ---
    Well, so-so, I guess
    I could really say "not bad"!
[05:28] ---
    Right.
[05:30] ---
    I have a sneaking suspicion...
[05:32] ---
    ...that he's not really here
    for advice but to gloat.
[05:36] ---
    No, no way. I'm sure
    he's about to get down to business.
[05:41] ---
    How can I put it?
[05:43] ---
    Summer was maybe too awesome.
[05:48] ---
    It's like, the two of us are lovebirds,
[05:49] ---
    "I'M TELLIN' YOU..."
[05:51] ---
    but where do we go from here?
[05:54] ---
    He is just here to gloat!
[05:57] ---
    Ch-Chill! What do you intend to do
    with that toilet paper?
[06:01] ---
    So,
[06:02] ---
    you're asking me
    how to get to the next step?
[06:06] ---
    Um...
[06:08] ---
    More or less, I guess.
[06:12] ---
    President, I think this guy's run out of steps.
[06:15] ---
    No, get out of here.
[06:17] ---
    They've only been a couple for four months.
[06:19] ---
    They wouldn't have gone that far.
[06:20] ---
    No, I sense the divine!
[06:22] ---
    It's like he's experienced nirvana!
[06:23] ---
    The ABCs of Love!
[06:25] ---
    It's said that it takes high school students
    three to six months of dating
[06:31] ---
    before they go all the way to C.
[06:33] ---
    Nagisa and her boyfriend had been going out
    for more than three months.
[06:36] ---
    On top of that,
    they spent summer vacation together!
[06:38] ---
    It was entirely possible
    that they experienced nirvana.
[06:42] ---
    Man, summer vacation was the best!
[06:46] ---
    I'm sure you enjoyed yours,
    too, right, President?
[06:48] ---
    All I did was study and work every day.
[06:52] ---
    Except at the end when the student council
    got together to watch fireworks.
[06:57] ---
    That's all?
[06:58] ---
    That's all.
[06:59] ---
    No dates with girls?
[07:01] ---
    None.
[07:03] ---
    Kinda sorry I asked.
[07:04] ---
    "GRIT GRIT"
[07:05] ---
    President, what do you intend to do
    with that toilet paper?
[07:09] ---
    Oh, there you are.
[07:11] ---
    Oh, Nagisa.
[07:13] ---
    You've got business
    with the student council, too?
[07:15] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
[07:19] ---
    I want to discuss something with Kaguya.
[07:23] ---
    That's kind of erotic!
[07:24] ---
    I-Idiot! That's the way you want to see her!
[07:27] ---
    I just want to talk to Kaguya.
[07:27] ---
    Those two haven't gone that far!
    You're overthinking it!
[07:30] ---
    Huh? Talk to her about what?
[07:32] ---
    Then, let's investigate.
[07:33] ---
    That's a secret!
[07:33] ---
    Investigate?
[07:34] ---
    Tell me!
[07:35] ---
    How?
[07:36] ---
    Then it wouldn't be a secret!
[07:37] ---
    Oh, come on!
[07:38] ---
    We have to step out for a bit.
    Please have a seat and wait.
[07:43] ---
    Okay.
[07:45] ---
    Look, a couple who's experienced nirvana
    will act goofy when they're alone.
[07:55] ---
    Watch closely.
[07:57] ---
    O-Okay.
[07:58] ---
    Excuse me.
[07:59] ---
    Would you get out of the way?
[08:01] ---
    Sh-Shinomiya!
[08:03] ---
    What are you doing?
[08:05] ---
    We're observing those two
    to see if they've experienced nirvana.
[08:09] ---
    Those two? That far?
[08:11] ---
    How does she understand it?
[08:13] ---
    One in three people!
[08:15] ---
    What does "nirvana" mean?
[08:17] ---
    I think in this situation,
    it means divine deeds...
[08:24] ---
    Holding hands!
[08:26] ---
    What do you say to that?
[08:27] ---
    I don't know.
[08:28] ---
    Couples hold hands on their first date, right?
[08:31] ---
    President holds hands on a first date!
[08:34] ---
    Huh?
[08:36] ---
    A kiss! She kissed him!
[08:39] ---
    This is nirvana, right?
[08:41] ---
    Not yet!
[08:42] ---
    Kissing is probably like on the third date!
[08:44] ---
    The third date?
[08:50] ---
    He's nibbling her neck!
[08:52] ---
    Wouldn't you say right now that they're
    already on their way to nirvana?
[08:53] ---
    Don't push!
[08:56] ---
    No! Necking is like on the fourth date!
[08:58] ---
    The fourth date?
[09:03] ---
    Then, how many dates before nirvana?
[09:05] ---
    Five dates!
[09:13] ---
    Shinomiya!
[09:14] ---
    Kaguya!
[09:15] ---
    What happ--
[09:16] ---
    Gotcha!
[09:18] ---
    K-Kashiwagi!
[09:20] ---
    W-We were just...
[09:22] ---
    Sorry.
[09:24] ---
    We were just goofing on you!
[09:26] ---
    We haven't yet gotten to the point
    that you all think we're at.
[09:31] ---
    So, relax.
[09:33] ---
    I-I didn't think you were...
[09:35] ---
    Not yet...
[09:37] ---
    Yes.
[09:39] ---
    Of course.
[09:41] ---
    I can't tell if it's true!
[09:43] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[09:43] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:45] ---
    The student council loses.
[09:45] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    LOSES"
[09:48] ---
    I mentioned that my type was confident
    and wild guys, so he's trying to get there.
[09:53] ---
    He's obedient like that.
[09:56] ---
    "TABLETOP GAME CLUB"
[09:56] ---
    We made a board game
    at the tabletop game club!
[10:00] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO GET MARRIED"
[10:01] ---
    An original creation?
[10:03] ---
    You line up the cards,
    with each one representing a square.
[10:08] ---
    It sounds pretty interesting.
[10:10] ---
    We call it the "Happy Life Game"!
[10:12] ---
    "GOAL"
[10:12] ---
    Let's play it together!
[10:14] ---
    No, thanks.
[10:14] ---
    Pass.
[10:16] ---
    Today's battle result... N/A.
[10:19] ---
    I just have a bad feeling about that game.
[10:21] ---
    Nothing good could come out of a game
    created by Fujiwara.
[10:24] ---
    There's nothing to worry about!
    It was a group effort by everyone in the club!
[10:29] ---
    Oh, come on.
[10:30] ---
    I'll feel bad if she went to the trouble
    of making a game
[10:33] ---
    and everyone refuses to play it.
[10:35] ---
    I-Ishigami!
[10:39] ---
    You're actually a nice guy!
[10:42] ---
    I'm sorry for thinking you were a brute
    who beats women with logical arguments!
[10:47] ---
    That's how you thought of me?
[10:49] ---
    But it's your own fault
    for having such a beatable body.
[10:52] ---
    All right, fine.
[10:54] ---
    But just once.
[10:56] ---
    Yay!
[10:59] ---
    Board games!
[11:01] ---
    A pastime with a history
    that can be traced back to Ancient Egypt.
[11:05] ---
    The game Fujiwara and her fellow members
    made uses cards as squares,
[11:08] ---
    but is otherwise a
    traditional board game
[11:09] ---
    "Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production
    Happy Life Game Instructions"
[11:11] ---
    in which the player
    who earns the most money wins.
[11:14] ---
    Okay, I'll go first.
[11:17] ---
    "LUCKY"
[11:18] ---
    "MISFORTUNE"
[11:19] ---
    "Misfortune"?
[11:21] ---
    Flip over a card
    for the square you landed on!
[11:25] ---
    A Traffic Accident card!
[11:27] ---
    Roll the die once more and if it's a one.
[11:30] ---
    It's a one.
[11:31] ---
    Then, you died, Ishigami.
[11:34] ---
    What happens when I die?
[11:35] ---
    It's all over.
    You're out of the game in last place.
[11:39] ---
    I see.
[11:40] ---
    Be careful, you two.
[11:42] ---
    This game is crap.
[11:44] ---
    You realized too late.
[11:45] ---
    You were just unlucky, Ishigami!
[11:48] ---
    All right, my turn...
[11:48] ---
    Please show me the rule book.
[11:50] ---
    Here.
[11:55] ---
    "AFTER SCHOOL EVENT"
[11:55] ---
    It says "After School Event."
[11:58] ---
    With this event, you choose to hang out
    after school, or go home and study.
[12:03] ---
    Okay, I'll study at home.
[12:05] ---
    That shows your personality.
[12:07] ---
    Then, I'll give you
    a Nerdy Student card, President!
[12:10] ---
    "NERDY STUDENT"
[12:11] ---
    Are you making fun of me?
[12:13] ---
    I landed on a Lucky square.
[12:16] ---
    That means something lucky happens to you!
[12:18] ---
    "GRIN"
[12:19] ---
    You were tricked by a bad guy,
[12:21] ---
    but it works out when you get
    ten million yen from a lawsuit!
[12:25] ---
    That's not lucky at all.
[12:27] ---
    You get a Distrusts All Men card!
[12:30] ---
    "DISTRUSTS ALL MEN"
[12:31] ---
    I don't want it.
[12:32] ---
    When you land on a square,
    it's removed from the game.
[12:34] ---
    That makes it easier for the players
    who are behind to catch up.
[12:38] ---
    That's a good idea.
[12:40] ---
    Incidentally, what part of the game
    were you in charge of?
[12:42] ---
    I thought up all of the events!
[12:42] ---
    "FINISH LINE"
[12:46] ---
    I'm not surprised.
[12:47] ---
    You should be remorseful, not proud.
[12:50] ---
    And the game continues!
[12:53] ---
    With his Nerdy Student card,
    Shirogane goes on to a first-rate university.
[12:57] ---
    Kaguya lands on several lucky squares,
    so is currently in the lead with a lot of money.
[13:01] ---
    They've made it past the Child Zone
    and are in the Adult Zone.
[13:05] ---
    This game is actually
    more decent than I thought.
[13:09] ---
    It seems the students other than Fujiwara
    who worked on this actually thought it through.
[13:11] ---
    "BLAH-BLAH"
[13:15] ---
    "OUR TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!"
[13:16] ---
    This is where the game originated!
[13:16] ---
    "GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI"
SIGN    "GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI" "There's also a member named Fujiwara."
[13:19] ---
    "MARRIAGE"
[13:21] ---
    What's this?
[13:21] ---
    A Marriage square.
[13:24] ---
    You marry the player
    who's in the square closest to you.
[13:27] ---
    Marriage?
[13:28] ---
    Married players share the effects
    of the squares they land on.
[13:32] ---
    President is getting married?
    T-To whom?
[13:36] ---
    "S" "C"
[13:37] ---
    I'm closest to him!
[13:44] ---
    President and I got married!
[13:47] ---
    President...
[13:48] ---
    ...got married!
[13:53] ---
    I-I have to calm down!
[13:53] ---
    Could you give me some room?
[13:55] ---
    Th-This is only a game!
[13:55] ---
    You're so bashful!
[13:58] ---
    I can't confuse this with reality!
[14:00] ---
    Oh, the other players have to give the newlyweds
[14:00] ---
    "HAPPY GAME LIFE RULES"
[14:03] ---
    50,000 yen as a wedding gift.
[14:09] ---
    Not real money.
[14:14] ---
    The company I founded is a success.
[14:15] ---
    "ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS"
[14:16] ---
    I get ten million yen. Yay, I'm so lucky.
[14:19] ---
    A Birth square!
[14:22] ---
    We have a kid!
[14:23] ---
    A kid?
[14:25] ---
    I became a teen mom!
[14:25] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[14:28] ---
    The required gift is 100,000 yen.
[14:31] ---
    Please put away your real money.
[14:35] ---
    My company is listed...
[14:38] ---
    ...in the first section
    of the stock exchange.
[14:38] ---
    "FIRST SECTION LISTED"
[14:39] ---
    Oh, how lucky is that!
[14:41] ---
    And then, the players
    move into the Old Age Zone.
[14:44] ---
    We have a whole brood!
[14:45] ---
    "9 KIDS"
[14:46] ---
    President, you've got too much energy.
[14:49] ---
    It's not my fault!
[14:51] ---
    You're doing great, Kaguya!
[14:53] ---
    You're the president
    of a global corporation!
[14:55] ---
    You're a major success!
[14:57] ---
    That's right.
[14:58] ---
    I haven't made any missteps.
[15:00] ---
    And yet, what's this emptiness I feel?
[15:03] ---
    "DECREPIT"
[15:03] ---
    I'm single, even as an elderly woman.
[15:05] ---
    I have plenty of money,
    but I'm not happy.
[15:08] ---
    What was the point of my life?
[15:11] ---
    Late Divorce square!
[15:14] ---
    I discover my husband cheated on me!
[15:16] ---
    We get a divorce!
[15:18] ---
    You're a scumbag, President.
[15:20] ---
    This is only a game!
[15:22] ---
    Incidentally, the husband has to pay
    20 million yen per kid for child support.
[15:22] ---
    "20 MILLION YEN"
[15:26] ---
    "180 MILLION YEN"
[15:27] ---
    You're killing me!
[15:29] ---
    Oh my.
[15:32] ---
    How cute.
[15:34] ---
    You're that happy
    when someone's suffering?
[15:38] ---
    Well, my turn.
[15:39] ---
    "MARRIAGE"
[15:40] ---
    H-Huh?
[15:41] ---
    A Marriage square?
[15:43] ---
    The player closest to me is President!
[15:44] ---
    "K" "S"
[15:46] ---
    Then...
[15:56] ---
    P-President and I are...
[15:58] ---
    Shinomiya and I are...
[16:00] ---
    ...married?
[16:00] ---
    ...married?
[16:05] ---
    Wait a second.
[16:06] ---
    Shinomiya has a Distrusts All Men card,
[16:09] ---
    so she can't get married!
[16:12] ---
    What happens then?
[16:14] ---
    Um, the next closest player...
[16:17] ---
    You marry Fujiwara!
[16:19] ---
    Wait!
[16:27] ---
    "SPONGY SPONGY"
[16:27] ---
    Kaguya, let's live happily ever after!
[16:31] ---
    "BIRTH"
[16:32] ---
    I landed on a Birth square.
[16:34] ---
    We have a child!
[16:36] ---
    How did that happen?
[16:39] ---
    Another Birth square!
[16:41] ---
    We're spry for our age!
[16:43] ---
    And then...
[16:45] ---
    The finish line.
[16:46] ---
    Game over!
SIGN    "1st place: KAGUYA, 1,375,000,000 yen 2nd place: FUJIWARA, 430,000,000 yen 3rd place: SHIROGANE, 95,000,000 yen 4th place: THE LATE ISHIGAMI, 0 yen"
[16:49] ---
    So,
[16:50] ---
    Kaguya is the winner
    of the Happy Life Game!
[16:54] ---
    I don't have
    any happy memories whatsoever.
[16:56] ---
    Late divorce, child support,
    lawsuit payout, loss of trust...
[16:58] ---
    Wasn't that fun?
[17:00] ---
    Let's play again!
[17:01] ---
    Never again.
[17:01] ---
    No way.
[17:03] ---
    Why?
[17:05] ---
    I actually enjoyed it.
SIGN    "LESSON: IF YOU MARRY FUJIWARA, IT WILL DRIVE YOU TO DEPRESSION."
[17:07] ---
    Lesson...
[17:09] ---
    If you marry Fujiwara,
    it will drive you to depression.
[17:13] ---
    You should really give the game a total
    debugging before having people play it.
[17:16] ---
    Okay.
[17:16] ---
    Right now, the game relies
    too much on luck,
[17:18] ---
    but one workaround would be
    being able to pool one roll of the die
[17:20] ---
    Okay.
[17:22] ---
    to increase the ability to strategize.
    Also, do away with the sudden death element...
[17:23] ---
    Okay.
[17:26] ---
    "ABOUT 1 YEAR EARLIER"
[17:29] ---
    You had a birthday recently,
    didn't you, President?
[17:32] ---
    Oh, was that my birthday?
[17:35] ---
    Did you forget?
[17:36] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO CELEBRATE"
[17:37] ---
    I haven't celebrated it in years.
    It's no different than any other day.
[17:42] ---
    Unless you're telling me
    you'll celebrate it next year...
[17:45] ---
    As if.
[17:47] ---
    There's not a snowball's chance in hell.
[17:53] ---
    Four more days until President's birthday!
[17:56] ---
    After what I said last year,
    it's hard to bring it up now!
[18:00] ---
    Jeez!
[18:01] ---
    Eiffel Tower!
[18:03] ---
    It's like all I can think about
    is celebrating President's birthday!
[18:07] ---
    It's not like I have to do anything
    for his birthday!
[18:09] ---
    D-Diamond!
[18:11] ---
    Birthday! A special day
    that only comes around once a year.
[18:16] ---
    But owing to financial circumstances,
[18:18] ---
    Shirogane has no special feelings
    about his birthday and won't even bring it up.
[18:22] ---
    Unless someone said something,
    Shirogane's birthday would pass by unnoticed.
[18:29] ---
    Kaguya, are you troubled about something?
[18:32] ---
    Well, I guess you could say that.
[18:37] ---
    In that case...
[18:39] ---
    "FIVE MINUTES LATER"
[18:42] ---
    Fortune Teller Chika
    will read your fortune, Kaguya!
[18:42] ---
    "TA-DA"
[18:46] ---
    Fortune?
[18:48] ---
    Yes!
[18:49] ---
    All you have to do is put your sex
    and birthdate onto this site,
[18:52] ---
    and it'll solve any problem you have!
[18:53] ---
    "BIRTHDAY FORTUNE"
[18:56] ---
    You're just relying on an app.
[18:58] ---
    In the first place, what can
    sex and birthdate tell you...
[18:59] ---
    Here you go!
[19:01] ---
    Birthdate?
[19:04] ---
    This seems interesting.
[19:06] ---
    Let's all do it.
[19:08] ---
    Yay!
[19:09] ---
    My birthday is January 1st.
[19:12] ---
    I'm a New Year's baby.
[19:14] ---
    Um, born on January 1st...
[19:18] ---
    "You're like an Alexandrite.
[19:21] ---
    Like the gem named after a king,
[19:24] ---
    you have a noble character
    and are full of pride.
[19:27] ---
    Moreover, just as this stone has the rare trait
    of appearing red or blue at times,
[19:31] ---
    sometimes you are an angel
    and sometimes a demon.
[19:36] ---
    If you throw away your pride
    and be honest about your feelings,
[19:39] ---
    When she's full of pride...
[19:39] ---
    happiness will come to you."
    That's what it says!
[19:44] ---
    ...she's a demon!
[19:48] ---
    Did you say something?
[19:49] ---
    No!
[19:51] ---
    That was totally off.
[19:53] ---
    "SHIVER SHIVER"
[19:54] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, I believe your birthday is on...
[19:56] ---
    March 3rd, Girls' Day!
[19:59] ---
    "You're like the flame of a candle.
[20:02] ---
    You light up your surroundings
    and your heat slowly melts ice.
[20:07] ---
    That symbolizes dedication and affection.
[20:11] ---
    If you continue to pour love into everything
    you do, your wish will come true."
[20:16] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[20:16] ---
    That's what it says!
[20:17] ---
    Dedication? Affection?
[20:18] ---
    I don't know that person. Are they sure it's
    not meant to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:23] ---
    My birthday is also March 3rd.
[20:25] ---
    Why would you do that, you halfwit?
[20:27] ---
    Why are you angry?
[20:28] ---
    When they celebrate mine, they'll have
    to celebrate for you at the same time!
[20:33] ---
    Celebrating both of us together
    takes away my specialness, you idiot!
[20:37] ---
    Fujiwara, I'm not sensing
    any dedication or affection here.
[20:38] ---
    In the end, horoscopes like that
    are no more than the Barnum effect,
[20:41] ---
    saying words that hint at
    a deeper meaning
[20:41] ---
    Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:42] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:42] ---
    which the listener conveniently
    interprets to solve the problem.
[20:43] ---
    Raaar! Graaar!
[20:44] ---
    But I'll still use it here.
[20:44] ---
    Wh-What's "Raaar! Graaar"?
[20:46] ---
    Raaar! Graaar!
[20:47] ---
    You're next, President.
[20:49] ---
    Tell me your birth--
[20:50] ---
    I'm not interested.
[20:53] ---
    Horoscopes are no more
    than the Barnum effect,
[20:55] ---
    saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
    which the listener conveniently interprets.
[20:55] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:59] ---
    N-No! That's not true!
[21:02] ---
    For example, feng shui incorporates
    elements of architecture and statistics.
[21:06] ---
    But we're talking
    birthday horoscopes, right?
[21:08] ---
    Your birthday is just the day
    you happened to be born on.
[21:11] ---
    Like there's any meaning to that?
[21:13] ---
    There is! It's a special day
    that only comes around once a year!
[21:17] ---
    I once told you and only you
    what day my birthday was, Shinomiya.
[21:22] ---
    You have a good memory, but even you forgot
    something so inconsequential.
[21:25] ---
    I remember!
[21:26] ---
    You birthday's on September 9th
    which makes you a Virgo!
[21:28] ---
    Your blood type is O and your
    birth weight was 2,118 grams, right?
[21:32] ---
    I remember it, but...
[21:33] ---
    Don't be like that!
[21:35] ---
    Other than personality analysis,
    this can do compatibility divination!
[21:39] ---
    Let's do it!
[21:41] ---
    I'm not doing any of it!
[21:43] ---
    Jeez!
[21:44] ---
    What's with you?
[21:45] ---
    When someone's trying to celebrate
    your birthday out of a sense of noblesse oblige!
[21:50] ---
    Even though I'm sure you have no intention
    of celebrating my birthday, right?
[21:54] ---
    "HMPH"
[21:55] ---
    That's not true.
[21:56] ---
    Shirogane eagerly watches
    the daily horoscope on TV every morning.
[21:57] ---
    Yes! Virgo is in first place!
[22:00] ---
    And he has Kaguya's birthday
    clearly marked in his date book.
[22:03] ---
    To top it off, Shirogane
    has already checked that site.
[22:06] ---
    Both the personality analysis
    and the compatibility divination...
SIGN    "BAM" "Born on September 9th x Born on January 1st"
[22:11] ---
    "Your compatibility is..."
    "PRETTY IFFY!!"
SIGN    "YOU ARE 'PURE SILVER.'" "SURPRISINGLY MELLOW, GETS DEPRESSED EASILY..."
[22:12] ---
    I shouldn't have looked!
[22:15] ---
    Shirogane doesn't want Shinomiya
    to see the results,
[22:18] ---
    so he refuses to tell her his birthday.
[22:22] ---
    But...
[22:22] ---
    ...he couldn't explain that to her, either.
[22:26] ---
    I can't tell her that.
[22:30] ---
    What does that mean?
    Is President trying to tell me something?
[22:35] ---
    Maybe...
[22:38] ---
    President only wants me to celebrate it?
[22:43] ---
    Incorrect.
[22:45] ---
    Is he in a bad mood because he thinks
    I've forgotten his birthday?
[22:50] ---
    Wrong.
[22:51] ---
    Jeez!
[22:52] ---
    If that's what it is,
    then I have no choice.
[22:54] ---
    That's not what it is.
[22:56] ---
    Just the two of us celebrating his birthday
    would be something a couple would do!
[23:01] ---
    "WRIGGLE WRIGGLE"
[23:01] ---
    Well, I guess he can be selfish once a year!
    I can give in just this once!
[23:05] ---
    Shinomiya, is something wrong?
[23:09] ---
    Nothing at all.
[23:11] ---
    An angelic smile?
[23:12] ---
    Thank you for worrying about me.
[23:15] ---
    If you're ever in trouble,
    feel free to ask me for advice.
[23:19] ---
    Repulsive!
[23:20] ---
    A birthday party for Shirogane!
SIGN    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS (FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)"
[23:22] ---
    Kaguya decided to have one
    with just the two of them!
SIGN    "ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY'" "Symbol of misfortune and sacrifice. Be careful of slips of the tongue."
[23:26] ---
    They're not going to check my fortune?
[23:27] ---
    "I'll do it myself..."

E2 - Kaguya Wants to Know

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] ---
    Window shopping!
[01:33] ---
    Today we're going to stock up for fall!
[01:36] ---
    Moeha, you don't actually buy things
    if you're window shopping.
[01:36] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO KNOW"
[01:39] ---
    Details, details!
[01:41] ---
    The day has finally arrived!
[01:43] ---
    This is my chance to befriend
    President's sister!
[01:46] ---
    And his birthday
    is the day after tomorrow!
[01:50] ---
    Window shopping!
[01:52] ---
    The original plan was to go
    during summer vacation,
[01:53] ---
    We'll put it off!
[01:55] ---
    but it was delayed
    and finally rescheduled for today.
[01:58] ---
    It's so crowded today!
[01:59] ---
    Coincidentally, it happened to be two days
    before Miyuki Shirogane's birthday.
[02:02] ---
    It was the perfect opportunity
    to ask Kei advice about a gift for her brother.
[02:08] ---
    Miss Fujiwara is hogging President's sister!
[02:12] ---
    Oh, is that right?
    So, this is how you want to play it?
[02:17] ---
    I wanna be next to you, Kaguya!
[02:19] ---
    Moeha...
[02:20] ---
    "GLOW"
[02:20] ---
    I'm so happy you came today!
[02:23] ---
    To be honest, I don't like
    hanging around with her.
[02:26] ---
    She's not a bad girl or anything, but...
[02:28] ---
    Isn't Kei cute?
[02:30] ---
    All the boys think so,
[02:32] ---
    but she's also really popular among the girls.
[02:35] ---
    She's a hard worker who hates dishonesty
    and is like totally pure.
[02:40] ---
    The type of girl you want to see get defiled!
[02:44] ---
    "LET ME OUT"
[02:44] ---
    I wish I could lock her up in an underground
    cage and torment her for the rest of her life!
[02:48] ---
    Of course I love you, too, Kaguya.
[02:50] ---
    You're ranked number one
    on the list of people I want to devour!
[02:54] ---
    Scary!
[02:57] ---
    If I don't take Miss Fujiwara's place
    next to President's sister fast,
[03:00] ---
    I feel like I'll never escape
    Moeha's clutches!
[03:03] ---
    However,
[03:04] ---
    Kaguya was blocked from taking the direct approach
    with the person she really wanted to talk to.
[03:04] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:06] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:08] ---
    "DISTANCE"
[03:09] ---
    With the Fujiwara Sisters
    monopolizing Kei Shirogane's sides,
[03:12] ---
    Kaguya couldn't even break the ice.
[03:17] ---
    450 newspaper deliveries...
[03:21] ---
    What's this about newspapers?
[03:22] ---
    Oh, nothing.
[03:24] ---
    Hayasaka always prepares my clothes,
[03:24] ---
    Go for it!
[03:26] ---
    so I've never bought for myself.
[03:33] ---
    I'll wait here for them
    to finish their shopping.
[03:44] ---
    Her profile!
    She looks just like President!
[03:49] ---
    Um...
[03:50] ---
    Yes? Is something wrong, Little Sis?
[03:53] ---
    "Little Sis"?
[03:54] ---
    What should I call you?
    "Miss Shirogane"?
[03:58] ---
    "Kei" is fine, since you're older than me.
[04:01] ---
    All right, Miss Kei.
[04:03] ---
    "Kei."
[04:04] ---
    Miss Kei.
[04:05] ---
    Just "Kei."
[04:08] ---
    Kei.
[04:09] ---
    Yes.
[04:10] ---
    It feels so unnatural to call her that
    when I barely know her!
[04:15] ---
    But this is a major development!
[04:17] ---
    Now I can ask her advice about
    what to buy President for his birthday!
[04:22] ---
    Well, we're into fall already.
[04:24] ---
    At this rate, Christmas will be
    right around the corner.
[04:26] ---
    What kind of presents does
    the Shirogane Family usually exchange?
[04:31] ---
    Yes! A natural conversation flow!
[04:33] ---
    Christmas?
[04:35] ---
    We don't really celebrate that at our house.
[04:40] ---
    Our dad usually gives us each a bookstore
    gift card worth 2,000 yen, but that's about it.
[04:44] ---
    I had no idea!
[04:45] ---
    I'm sorry! Then, how about birthdays?
[04:48] ---
    Do you give each other presents
    on your birthdays?
[04:51] ---
    I'm not that close to my brother.
[04:54] ---
    Why not?
[04:55] ---
    After all, he's stupid, repulsive,
[04:57] ---
    tells lies for no good reason and leaves
    his clothes inside out after taking them off.
[05:02] ---
    Is President that messy at home?
[05:02] ---
    It's a pain in the ass.
[05:05] ---
    He's like that with birthdays, too.
[05:07] ---
    As a family, we agreed
    that buying presents is a waste of money,
[05:10] ---
    so we decided to stop doing it.
[05:12] ---
    But he'll slip 1,000 yen into my wallet
    without saying anything!
[05:18] ---
    And when I call him to the carpet
    about it, he feigns ignorance.
[05:21] ---
    See? He lies about the most idiotic things!
[05:25] ---
    That's a moving story!
[05:28] ---
    Well! She made him out to be
    an ogre at home,
[05:31] ---
    but President is no different from at school!
    She made me nervous for a second there!
[05:40] ---
    Are you all right?
[05:46] ---
    You've got a little scrape.
[05:51] ---
    Wash it off with water. There!
[05:56] ---
    You'll be fine now.
[05:59] ---
    Thank you!
[06:01] ---
    Bye-bye!
[06:03] ---
    Kei, didn't you just buy that handkerchief?
[06:07] ---
    Yes.
[06:08] ---
    But that was the best way to use it.
[06:14] ---
    She's like him.
[06:16] ---
    "SHE LIKES CAFFEINE"
[06:17] ---
    She's like him!
[06:18] ---
    "SPEAKING FLUENTLY"
[06:19] ---
    She's like him!
[06:21] ---
    I have a coupon.
[06:22] ---
    She's just like him!
[06:26] ---
    She's just like President!
[06:29] ---
    What should I do?
    Kei is reminding me more and more of him!
[06:32] ---
    What's wrong with me?
    Even though Kei is next to me,
[06:36] ---
    I feel like I'm on a date with President!
[06:44] ---
    Shinomiya...
[06:45] ---
    I had fun today.
[06:47] ---
    Can we go out again
    together sometime?
[06:52] ---
    Yes!
[06:54] ---
    If possible, next time,
[06:56] ---
    j-just the two of--
[06:58] ---
    I had a great time today, too!
[07:00] ---
    "SQUISH"
[07:03] ---
    Let's hang out again soon!
[07:07] ---
    Lowlife. The incarnation of carnal desire,
    throwing your body at men with no hesitation.
[07:12] ---
    A foul woman who sees men
    as nothing more than prey.
[07:15] ---
    In the first place, Kei is not a man.
[07:18] ---
    You've finally crossed the line
    that must never be crossed.
[07:19] ---
    Me, too! Squishies!
[07:21] ---
    "GRIN"
[07:22] ---
    Come on! You, too, Kaguya!
[07:25] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[07:28] ---
    I-If I must...
[07:32] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[07:33] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:34] ---
    "(LOWLIFE) KAGUYA WINS"
[07:34] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[07:37] ---
    So...
[07:38] ---
    ...your research didn't go well?
[07:41] ---
    No, but I did get some insight.
[07:43] ---
    President has had a strict upbringing
    that emphasizes the value of money.
[07:46] ---
    So, I don't think he'd accept anything
    that is obviously expensive.
[07:50] ---
    Then, if it's a question of feelings, it's easy.
[07:55] ---
    Really?
[07:58] ---
    I take this and do this.
[08:01] ---
    Now read this.
[08:03] ---
    Um, "Your present is me."
[08:10] ---
    Hayasaka!
[08:14] ---
    "Kaguya and I are already
    on a first-name basis."
[08:16] ---
    "You don't say..."
[08:18] ---
    "TA-DA"
[08:20] ---
    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIROGANE"
[08:22] ---
    What do you think?
    I had it specially made!
[08:26] ---
    I had a feeling President craves cake,
    so there's no doubt he'll love this!
[08:31] ---
    I bought strawberries with an exact
    sugar content of 17 degrees and put them on.
[08:33] ---
    And the sponge cake has a secret, too!
[08:35] ---
    I used the Shinomiya Family chef's pull
    to get top of the line sponge!
[08:37] ---
    How oppressive. How repellent.
    How embarrassing.
[08:40] ---
    Is something wrong, Hayasaka?
[08:42] ---
    No. If this is what you want,
    it's not my place to say.
[08:46] ---
    What? There's no need to be evasive.
[08:50] ---
    You didn't use to be such a fool.
[08:52] ---
    Fool?
[08:54] ---
    Then, I'll see you tomorrow!
[08:55] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO GIVE A GIFT"
[08:56] ---
    See you tomorrow.
[08:57] ---
    Oh, good work today.
[09:02] ---
    President and I are alone.
[09:04] ---
    If I'm going to give him the present,
    it has to be now!
[09:07] ---
    I'm sure it will move him to tears. But...
[09:10] ---
    Fool.
[09:12] ---
    My mind keeps getting snagged
    on that word.
[09:14] ---
    Fool? Me?
[09:16] ---
    Miss Fujiwara's birthday party
    had a cake like this, too, didn't it?
SIGN    "I'M SO HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!!" "THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE?"
[09:21] ---
    Like this.
[09:28] ---
    "SHOCKING"
[09:28] ---
    It's totally different!
[09:30] ---
    This one is obviously bigger!
    What did I do? That's a wedding cake!
[09:34] ---
    "EMBARRASSED!!"
[09:34] ---
    I'm a fool!
[09:36] ---
    In the first place, the idea of just
    the two of us celebrating his birthday...
[09:39] ---
    Now that it's here, I'm embarrassed!
[09:41] ---
    What should I do?
[09:43] ---
    But you want President
    to have cake, don't you?
[09:46] ---
    He's never been able to have it before!
[09:50] ---
    It's not too late to call it off.
    Think about this with a clear head.
[09:54] ---
    Anyone would be happy
    to have their birthday celebrated.
[09:58] ---
    Even if it makes you
    want to crawl in a hole?
[10:00] ---
    Do you feel the need
    to celebrate that badly?
[10:02] ---
    But...
[10:03] ---
    The mixed emotions in Kaguya's mind
    brought her to a standstill.
[10:08] ---
    If that internal chaos was given a form,
    it would look like this!
[10:16] ---
    "THE DEFENDANT KAGUYA SHINOMIYA"
[10:17] ---
    I, Kaguya Shinomiya,
    wanted to celebrate President's birthday,
[10:23] ---
    but now that it's here,
    I've chickened out.
[10:26] ---
    "ATTORNEY FOR THE DEFENSE
    KAGUYA (FOOL)"
[10:26] ---
    You really should celebrate
    President's birthday.
[10:29] ---
    It may be a little embarrassing,
    but not more than you can handle.
[10:32] ---
    "ATTORNEY FOR THE PROSECUTION
    KAGUYA (ICE QUEEN)"
[10:32] ---
    The premise is flawed to begin with.
    Why do I have to celebrate his birthday?
[10:38] ---
    Civil war in the brain!
    Court is in session!
[10:41] ---
    This is absolutely ridiculous.
[10:43] ---
    What was going through your mind
    when you prepared this cake?
[10:47] ---
    Good question.
[10:49] ---
    But it's his birthday, so it's only natural
    to want him to have a yummy cake!
[10:54] ---
    You've got a point there, too.
[10:57] ---
    That's the point that makes no sense.
[10:59] ---
    Have you forgotten our objective here?
[11:01] ---
    Objective?
[11:01] ---
    Objective?
[11:03] ---
    To make Miyuki Shirogane
    confess his love to us.
[11:05] ---
    To make him surrender
    from the bottom of his soul.
[11:08] ---
    Yes! That's right!
[11:10] ---
    That's what I've worked so hard for!
[11:12] ---
    Why am I trying to please
    President right now?
[11:15] ---
    You already know
    the answer to that, don't you?
[11:19] ---
    You're in love, aren't you?
[11:20] ---
    With President.
[11:21] ---
    No!
[11:23] ---
    It's nothing like that!
[11:25] ---
    This cake is all part of the plan
    to get him to confess his love to me!
[11:29] ---
    But that's not all, right?
[11:31] ---
    You want to see a pleased expression
    on his face, don't you?
[11:34] ---
    His smile would make you
    feel warm deep inside.
[11:39] ---
    I know that because I am you.
[11:44] ---
    Can't we just admit
    that much to ourselves?
[11:47] ---
    But... But--
[11:48] ---
    Stop right there.
[11:51] ---
    We belong to the honorable,
    distinguished Shinomiya Family.
[11:54] ---
    We must never be ensnared by
    nor devoted to some outsider.
[11:58] ---
    Certainly, Miyuki Shirogane is top caliber,
[12:01] ---
    and I admit an instinctive
    attraction to his looks.
[12:05] ---
    Don't admit that!
[12:06] ---
    However, that is no more
    than ephemeral infatuation.
[12:09] ---
    Once we enter society
    and meet more people,
[12:12] ---
    I'm sure we'll come across a man who can
    contribute more to the Shinomiya Family.
[12:15] ---
    Am I wrong?
[12:17] ---
    You're right.
    This is just trivial amusement.
[12:19] ---
    It's not true love!
[12:21] ---
    Even if President did confess his love,
[12:24] ---
    it's not like I would date him!
[12:27] ---
    There is no one!
[12:28] ---
    There's no one in the world
    who is cooler than President!
[12:38] ---
    I want to go out on a date with him!
    I even want to kiss him!
[12:41] ---
    And then...
[12:45] ---
    Is it really that wrong?
[12:48] ---
    Do you even understand
    what you're saying?
[12:51] ---
    Do you truly believe
    Father would allow such a thing?
[12:53] ---
    I have a plan! I obviously
    wouldn't defy him without one!
[12:56] ---
    I'm saying it's unnecessary
    to bear such a risk!
[12:59] ---
    It's for the sake of happiness!
    That's worth the risk!
[13:01] ---
    You're playing with fire,
    so the best thing you can do is extinguish it!
[13:07] ---
    You're all overthinking this.
[13:09] ---
    Judge!
[13:09] ---
    "JUDGE KAGUYA (CHILD)"
[13:10] ---
    This trial is about whether President's
    birthday should be celebrated or not, right?
[13:15] ---
    Judge, what should I do?
[13:19] ---
    How about compromising
    by saying to him, "I'm your present"?
[13:22] ---
    Your verdict is crazy!
[13:24] ---
    What do you expect?
    I'm a kid, so this is all over my head,
[13:28] ---
    and it's not for me to decide anyway.
[13:30] ---
    What? If you're not going to decide,
    Judge, who will?
[13:34] ---
    You.
[13:36] ---
    We are you after all.
    So, it's for you to decide.
[13:43] ---
    So,
[13:45] ---
    what do you want us to do?
[13:53] ---
    Shinomiya, why did you turn off the light?
[13:55] ---
    President...
[13:57] ---
    Would you close your eyes?
[14:01] ---
    This is embarrassing,
    so please keep them closed.
[14:04] ---
    O-Okay.
[14:08] ---
    "RUSTLE RUSTLE..."
[14:11] ---
    The sound of clothes rustling?
[14:13] ---
    "STROKE..."
[14:15] ---
    What? What is Shinomiya doing?
[14:16] ---
    "CLICK"
[14:18] ---
    You can open them.
[14:26] ---
    Happy Birthday, President.
[14:32] ---
    And this is your birthday present.
[14:38] ---
    A fan...
[14:40] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[14:40] ---
    I think it's a little off season, but you seemed
    hot wearing the jacket even in the summer, so...
[14:46] ---
    I did the calligraphy.
[14:49] ---
    Thank you.
[14:50] ---
    Well, I'm going home, too.
[14:53] ---
    Also...
[14:54] ---
    "SEALED"
[14:54] ---
    Whatever you do,
    please don't open that closet.
[14:59] ---
    Okay.
[15:00] ---
    See you.
[15:08] ---
    I'm thrilled!
[15:13] ---
    What is this?
[15:14] ---
    What is this feeling?
[15:22] ---
    Good job.
[15:25] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[15:25] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:27] ---
    "THE KAGUYAS WIN"
[15:27] ---
    The Kaguyas win.
SIGN    "ORIGIN: Studying so constantly that a hole is worn through one's metal inkstone."
[15:30] ---
    So cool! Nice!
[15:32] ---
    Happy birthday, Shirogane!
SIGN    "I wonder how many calories this whole thing is..." "They ate the delicious cake afterwards (Especially Hayasaka)"
[15:35] ---
    To celebrate...
[15:36] ---
    A double eyecatch!
[15:40] ---
    "Unyielding diligence in one's studies."
[15:42] ---
    Studying so constantly that a hole is worn
    through one's metal inkstone.
[15:45] ---
    A proverb derived from the story
    of how Sang Weihan passed the imperial exam.
[15:49] ---
    It's a good expression.
[15:51] ---
    Shinomiya did the calligraphy herself.
[15:53] ---
    In other words, Shinomiya thinks
    this expression suits me.
[15:58] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[16:02] ---
    "CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO CONFIRM IT"
[16:02] ---
    Hello!
[16:03] ---
    Hello.
[16:05] ---
    H-Hi!
[16:06] ---
    But I have one big question.
[16:10] ---
    The question is, why did Shinomiya alone
    celebrate my birthday that day?
[16:16] ---
    After all, when a woman celebrates
    a man's birthday alone,
[16:16] ---
    Kaguya, look at this! I put my ribbon
    in a different position today!
[16:20] ---
    it has a certain meaning, doesn't it?
[16:22] ---
    She'd certainly be aware
    of how it looked,
[16:23] ---
    "UM..."
[16:24] ---
    but still endured the embarrassment
    in order to celebrate it?
[16:27] ---
    Correct.
[16:28] ---
    But that's too good to be true.
[16:31] ---
    And yet it is.
[16:33] ---
    And this fan could become a weapon
    to force Shinomiya to confess her love.
[16:38] ---
    For example...
[16:40] ---
    Where did you get that?
[16:42] ---
    Oh, yesterday was my birthday.
    Shinomiya gave it to me as a present.
[16:47] ---
    Yesterday was your birthday?
[16:49] ---
    Kaguya, why didn't you tell me?
[16:52] ---
    Getting the jump on me! Keeping
    President's precious time all to yourself!
[16:57] ---
    Don't tell me you're in love with President.
[17:06] ---
    Love?
[17:07] ---
    You fell in love with him, huh?
[17:09] ---
    Fait accompli!
[17:11] ---
    When it comes to a burgeoning
    romantic relationship,
[17:11] ---
    Confess! Confess! Confess!
[17:12] ---
    pressure from outside
    is one of the most basic strategies.
[17:15] ---
    If the people around her
    accept it as reality,
[17:16] ---
    she will be driven
    to accept it, as well.
[17:20] ---
    But Shinomiya gave this
    to me as a present.
[17:24] ---
    Should I exploit Shinomiya's
    good intentions to back her into a corner?
[17:28] ---
    No, that's not the way I do things.
[17:33] ---
    Besides, with this birthday present,
[17:35] ---
    I've reached the level
    where she's giving me things!
[17:37] ---
    It's only a matter of time
    before she confesses her love to me.
[17:40] ---
    I won't tell them
    that she gave me a present.
[17:42] ---
    That's the best move for now.
[17:44] ---
    President, is that...
[17:45] ---
    Oh, this was a present from a friend.
[17:48] ---
    A friend...
[17:52] ---
    A friend...
[17:53] ---
    I see.
[17:56] ---
    What?
[17:57] ---
    Something's off.
[17:59] ---
    Maybe...
[18:01] ---
    Tell me, President...
[18:04] ---
    Are you in love with Kaguya?
[18:10] ---
    Wh-What kind of stupid question is that?
[18:12] ---
    It only makes sense!
[18:13] ---
    You didn't tell me about your birthday!
[18:16] ---
    Doesn't that show
    you only wanted Kaguya to celebrate it?
[18:20] ---
    It only stands to reason, President!
    Hey, look at me!
[18:22] ---
    Shinomiya, you set me up!
[18:25] ---
    But of course.
[18:26] ---
    Yes! The preparation was done before Kaguya
    and Fujiwara entered the student council room.
[18:28] ---
    "TRUDGE TRUDGE"
[18:31] ---
    Yesterday was President's birthday?
[18:34] ---
    Oh, you didn't know?
[18:36] ---
    I didn't hear about it!
[18:37] ---
    That's strange.
[18:39] ---
    He told me when his birthday was,
    but he didn't tell anyone else?
[18:45] ---
    I have no idea why he would do that.
[18:47] ---
    What was President thinking?
[18:50] ---
    "BLUSH"
[18:50] ---
    Th-Then...
[18:52] ---
    You only wanted Kaguya to celebrate it!
[18:54] ---
    Isn't that why you didn't tell me
    about your birthday?
[18:57] ---
    Why were you hiding the fact
    that Kaguya gave you the fan?
[19:00] ---
    It's because you wanted to keep it
    all secret, from head to tail, huh?
[19:02] ---
    I wanted to celebrate your birthday, too!
[19:05] ---
    This is bad!
[19:07] ---
    Fait accompli!
[19:08] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[19:08] ---
    The fact that it was partially true
    made things even worse!
[19:12] ---
    I didn't go far enough!
[19:15] ---
    Kindness is forbidden in war!
[19:17] ---
    Even when hunting a rabbit,
    the lion pulls out all the stops.
[19:20] ---
    If that's the way you want to do it,
[19:21] ---
    two can play at that game!
[19:24] ---
    I only told Shinomiya about my birthday?
[19:28] ---
    Don't be silly.
[19:31] ---
    A year ago,
[19:32] ---
    Shinomiya found out my birthday
    by looking at the student council roster.
[19:35] ---
    It's not like I volunteered the information.
[19:39] ---
    If anything,
[19:40] ---
    Shinomiya is the one who didn't tell anyone
    else about my birthday for a whole year!
[19:44] ---
    T-True.
[19:45] ---
    I wonder why that would be!
[19:48] ---
    Shinomiya also does things
    that are unnatural, huh?
[19:52] ---
    In short, Kaguya is the one who wanted
    to celebrate your birthday alone?
[20:00] ---
    How do you like that, Shinomiya?
[20:03] ---
    It seems President has forgotten...
[20:06] ---
    ...what he was doing
    while we were checking our fortunes.
[20:12] ---
    Everyone who was in here then could tell
    he didn't want to say his birthday.
[20:16] ---
    If I attack him on that...
[20:16] ---
    President is using the fan!
[20:16] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:18] ---
    ...and bringing up that episode
    from a year ago...
[20:22] ---
    Just remembering something like that
    from so long ago
[20:23] ---
    He's really using it!
    That makes me so happy!
[20:24] ---
    makes his affection for me plain to see!
[20:25] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:27] ---
    Kaguya is distracted
    by the fan that she gave him!
[20:31] ---
    "FLAP FLAP"
[20:31] ---
    Um, what was I saying?
[20:33] ---
    "President, thank you for using the fan"?
[20:35] ---
    No, that definitely wasn't it!
[20:37] ---
    Um, uh...
[20:37] ---
    What's this?
    Shinomiya is suddenly squirming.
[20:41] ---
    "SMIRK"
[20:41] ---
    But this is my chance!
[20:43] ---
    This is where I bring her down!
[20:45] ---
    As the sun set, the lit candles on the cake
    that Shinomiya prepared for me
[20:48] ---
    twinkled beautifully in the quiet
    and dark student council room.
[20:54] ---
    I was astonished by the amount of effort
    she put into that surprise.
[20:57] ---
    "SMACK"
[20:58] ---
    Kaguya, i-is that true?
[21:00] ---
    He whapped his cheek with it.
[21:02] ---
    Kaguya!
[21:04] ---
    What should I do? At this rate...
[21:05] ---
    Hey.
[21:07] ---
    Ishigami, listen to this!
[21:10] ---
    Yesterday was President's birthday!
[21:12] ---
    Yes, it was.
[21:15] ---
    Huh?
[21:15] ---
    President...
[21:16] ---
    "ABOUT THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION"
[21:17] ---
    I see you're using the fountain pen
    I gave you yesterday.
[21:22] ---
    Oh, this.
[21:24] ---
    Ishigami, you knew it was President's birthday?
[21:27] ---
    Well, sure.
[21:29] ---
    It's only natural to know the birthday of
    someone who's always helping you out.
[21:35] ---
    That's right.
[21:36] ---
    So, to say I got the jump on you
    and then draw some weird conclusion...
[21:41] ---
    It's like you're trying to stir up trouble.
[21:45] ---
    Fujiwara, you didn't know
    it was President's birthday?
[21:48] ---
    You're the only one who didn't know?
[21:50] ---
    You're the only one?
[21:52] ---
    Only you, Fujiwara?
[21:55] ---
    I apologize for jumping
    to the wrong conclusion!
[21:59] ---
    She slipped out of my grasp.
[22:01] ---
    You can run, but it won't erase the truth
    that you forgot President's birthday!
[22:08] ---
    Ishigami, that was great.
[22:11] ---
    Thank you.
[22:13] ---
    That was a great help!
[22:16] ---
    I'll pay you back one of these days.
[22:18] ---
    What? Did I do something
    to incur a grudge?
[22:21] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:21] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[22:23] ---
    Fujiwara loses.
[22:23] ---
    "FUJIWARA LOSES"
SIGN    "Huh? This? It was a birthday present from Shinomiya."
SIGN    "Huh..."

E3 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants to Gaze at the Moon

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    There's a full moon tonight!
    Let's have a moon-viewing party!
[01:33] ---
    You sure are excited.
    What are you suddenly going on about?
[01:34] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO GAZE AT THE MOON"
[01:37] ---
    That's what I always want
    to ask you, but whatever.
[01:41] ---
    It's the harvest moon tonight!
[01:41] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[01:43] ---
    If you don't look up at the sky on a night
    like that, it's the loss of a lifetime!
[01:47] ---
    I've already prepared everything.
    I even got permission to use the roof.
[01:50] ---
    So, call your parents and tell them
    you're going to be late.
[01:54] ---
    But isn't this too sudden?
[01:56] ---
    No, I heard tonight will be ideal
    for stargazing!
[01:59] ---
    With a full moon and that forecast,
    we've just got do it!
[02:02] ---
    Moon-viewing!
[02:04] ---
    Shirogane has such unbridled love
    for celestial bodies
[02:06] ---
    that he dreams of becoming an astronomer.
[02:09] ---
    On the one night of the year
    in which the moon was at its most beautiful,
[02:10] ---
    On the sacred night of the full moon, give me power! Rabbit, rabbit, boing-boing!
[02:14] ---
    he couldn't contain his excitement!
[02:16] ---
    Oh, why not?
[02:18] ---
    I'm in.
[02:20] ---
    This student council
    will be disbanded soon.
[02:23] ---
    This may be our last chance
    to throw caution to the wind.
[02:35] ---
    You really can see it clearly!
[02:37] ---
    Told you.
[02:38] ---
    The moon is southeast,
    facing Tokyo Bay,
[02:41] ---
    so there's relatively
    little light pollution from the city.
[02:43] ---
    And this location isn't bad.
[02:45] ---
    What's so enjoyable
    about looking at the moon?
[02:48] ---
    I can't comprehend it.
[02:51] ---
    However, being on the roof at night...
[02:54] ---
    There's a certain mood
    in a situation like this.
[02:57] ---
    If I play my cards right,
    I'll be able to force President's hand.
[03:00] ---
    But I could do without the third wheels.
[03:00] ---
    Rice cakes, rice cakes, rice cakes,
    for cripes' sakes, rice cakes!
[03:04] ---
    It's cold.
[03:05] ---
    Miss Fujiwara,
    are you going to boil the rice cakes?
[03:08] ---
    Yes! I prefer dumplings over flowers,
    and rice cakes over the moon!
[03:12] ---
    It's windy over here, though.
[03:14] ---
    Why don't we do it here?
[03:16] ---
    Good thinking!
[03:19] ---
    I want to warm up by the flames.
[03:23] ---
    That was too easy.
[03:25] ---
    I didn't have any trouble at all
    getting rid of them.
[03:28] ---
    Where are the other two?
[03:30] ---
    They're boiling rice cakes over there.
[03:31] ---
    "PUFFY RICE CAKE"
[03:33] ---
    I see.
[03:34] ---
    Now, how shall I go on the attack?
[03:37] ---
    Ah, yes. How about like this?
[03:40] ---
    Achoo!
[03:41] ---
    President, it's kind of chilly tonight, huh?
[03:44] ---
    This plan was so sudden
    that I didn't have time to get a jacket.
[03:48] ---
    I'll probably catch a cold
    at this rate.
[03:51] ---
    Then, how about using my jacket?
[03:54] ---
    That's it!
[03:55] ---
    I'm going to savor the sight
    of President squirming.
[04:00] ---
    President, it's kind of...
[04:05] ---
    I bet you're cold.
[04:11] ---
    Go ahead and use my jacket if you don't mind.
[04:15] ---
    H-Huh?
[04:18] ---
    Huh? What?
[04:19] ---
    I didn't even say anything yet,
    but I've already got his jacket?
[04:23] ---
    My whole plan fell apart!
[04:26] ---
    I also brought some hot tea.
[04:30] ---
    Th-Thank yo--
[04:34] ---
    Th-This is it!
[04:36] ---
    It looks like there are no other cups.
[04:39] ---
    So, when I give this back to him,
[04:39] ---
    "SQUIRM SQUIRM"
[04:40] ---
    I'll be able to see President squirm
    over the prospect of an indirect kiss!
[04:43] ---
    You have some, too, President.
[04:45] ---
    Sure.
[04:46] ---
    Let's see now! There's no way
    he won't get flustered over this!
[04:49] ---
    "GULP"
[04:50] ---
    Huh?
[04:52] ---
    What are you doing?
[04:54] ---
    I had my mouth there!
[04:56] ---
    How can you take a secondhand kiss
    without even batting an eye?
[05:01] ---
    Maybe he's so moony over the moon
    that I'm not even in his orbit?
[05:06] ---
    Exactly! Shirogane is totally
    absorbed in the moon!
[05:10] ---
    His mind has reverted to a state of childlike
    innocence without any prurient thoughts.
[05:13] ---
    His warped pride and sense of shame
    are gone by the wayside
[05:15] ---
    while his heart is devoted to the moon!
[05:17] ---
    H-He's more infatuated
    by the moon than me?
[05:21] ---
    This is ridiculous!
[05:22] ---
    I'm going to make you notice me
    by any means necessary!
[05:25] ---
    They say nothing pleases a man more than
    when a woman shows interest in his interests.
[05:29] ---
    In that case...
[05:30] ---
    President, where is
    the Great Square of Pegasus?
[05:34] ---
    Oh, um, okay.
[05:40] ---
    Pretend to be interested,
    then just smile and nod.
[05:40] ---
    So, the Great Square of Pegasus,
    you see, blah-blah-blah...
[05:43] ---
    President, you're so knowledgeable!
    Amazing!
[05:46] ---
    Then, I'll naturally lean into him,
    and he'll squirm like a worm!
[05:47] ---
    And that...
[05:48] ---
    Yes?
[05:49] ---
    Homina homina homina!
[05:52] ---
    President, where's the Great Square of Pegasus?
[05:56] ---
    Are you interested?
[05:57] ---
    Yes! Very much so!
[05:59] ---
    Then, slide over here.
[06:02] ---
    Listen. Follow a straight line from my thumb
    and index finger.
[06:03] ---
    H-Huh?
[06:06] ---
    There's a bright star.
    That's Alpheratz.
[06:11] ---
    The Great Square of Pegasus
    can be seen in the fall,
[06:14] ---
    but ironically,
    its brightest star is Andromeda.
[06:17] ---
    There are three more bright stars in that area.
[06:19] ---
    If you connect them all,
    it becomes a square.
[06:23] ---
    Did you see it?
[06:24] ---
    No. The moon is a little too bright.
[06:28] ---
    Then, how about over here?
[06:30] ---
    Huh?
[06:31] ---
    If you lie down and look straight up,
    you can see the Summer Triangle.
[06:35] ---
    Even though it's fall,
    it's easy to see the Summer Triangle.
[06:38] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[06:39] ---
    Do you know about the temporal axis lag?
[06:41] ---
    Because of the effect of precessional movement,
[06:43] ---
    the North Star actually changes over time.
[06:43] ---
    Wh-What is this?
[06:44] ---
    2,000 years from now, it'll be Gamma Cephei.
[06:45] ---
    What's with him?
[06:46] ---
    In 4,000 years, it'll be Beta Cephei.
[06:47] ---
    Isn't this out of line?
[06:47] ---
    And in 10,000 years,
    the role will be filled by Vega.
[06:51] ---
    In other words, our story of Orihime
    is derived from the Chinese folk tale
[06:54] ---
    called "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl."
[06:55] ---
    So, 10,000 years from now,
    Hikoboshi will revolve around Orihime.
[06:57] ---
    But when he talks to me with
    his eyes glittering like that,
[06:59] ---
    I guess no matter how many years pass,
[07:00] ---
    I can't see anything!
[07:00] ---
    it will always be a man's fate
    to revolve around a woman.
[07:03] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[07:05] ---
    I-I get it, so...
[07:08] ---
    Oh?
[07:11] ---
    The moon reminds me
    of "Princess Kaguya."
[07:14] ---
    You have the same name.
    Maybe you have a special fondness for it, too.
[07:22] ---
    Of course.
[07:24] ---
    When I look up at the night sky, I can't help
    but think of the story about the woman
[07:28] ---
    who was forced to return home to the moon,
    abandoning the one she loved.
[07:33] ---
    That's why I hate the moon.
[07:41] ---
    Makes sense.
[07:43] ---
    When Princess Kaguya
    had to go back to the moon,
[07:46] ---
    she left behind an elixir of immortality
    for the man she loved.
[07:48] ---
    But the man had no intention
    of living forever in a world without her,
[07:52] ---
    so the story ends with him burning the elixir.
[07:57] ---
    Still, if you think about it,
[07:59] ---
    Princess Kaguya did everything she could
    to reject her suitors.
[08:03] ---
    Do you think a woman like that would give
    an immortality potion to the one she loved?
[08:09] ---
    I always think...
[08:13] ---
    ...that elixir was Princess Kaguya's message,
    telling him, "I'll come back for you some day."
[08:20] ---
    Even if it would've taken more time
    than a human lifespan...
[08:24] ---
    Even if the distance
    between them was hopeless...
[08:28] ---
    I think she gave him the elixir of immortality,
    imbuing it with the meaning,
[08:31] ---
    "I'll wait for you forever."
[08:34] ---
    But the man didn't pick up
    on her message,
[08:37] ---
    so he said something moving
    and had the elixir burned.
[08:41] ---
    It's a cruel story.
[08:45] ---
    If it had been me,
    I never would've let Kaguya go.
[08:52] ---
    I would've gone to the moon
    and stolen her back.
[08:56] ---
    No question.
[08:57] ---
    Even if it would've taken decades.
    Even centuries.
[09:01] ---
    Enough!
[09:03] ---
    If it had been our story,
[09:06] ---
    I would've read the meaning
    between the lines,
[09:08] ---
    and it would've had a very different ending.
[09:10] ---
    I can't...
[09:14] ---
    I can't take it!
[09:21] ---
    I told you that's enough!
    It's embarrassing!
[09:25] ---
    First the fireworks display and now this!
[09:27] ---
    I-I'm surprised you can talk
    like that with a straight face!
[09:30] ---
    Are you trying to kill me?
[09:32] ---
    Wh-What?
[09:34] ---
    You're not making sense, Shinomiya!
    - What are you trying to say?
[09:35] ---
    The sweet red bean soup is ready.
[09:37] ---
    I don't want to say anything!
[09:38] ---
    Oh, forget it!
[09:40] ---
    I can't take it anymore!
[09:41] ---
    Hey!
[09:42] ---
    Kaguya?
[09:55] ---
    How could I have said
    such embarrassing things?
[10:03] ---
    Today's battle result...
[10:04] ---
    "SHIROGANE LOSES
    (ONE MORE THING HE WANTS TO FORGET)"
[10:05] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[10:07] ---
    Sweet dumplings, sweet dumplings,
    make me so happy!
[10:10] ---
    "RICE CAKE AND VEGETABLE SOUP"
[10:13] ---
    Well, let's each choose what to keep,
    whatever you can carry home.
[10:17] ---
    Understood.
[10:18] ---
    Okay!
[10:19] ---
    Roger that.
[10:24] ---
    "THE 67th STUDENT COUNCIL"
[10:25] ---
    The year was over before I knew it!
[10:29] ---
    Maybe it feels especially like that for me,
[10:31] ---
    since I've only really been here
    for half a year.
[10:33] ---
    Yes.
[10:35] ---
    This year flew by in the blink of an eye.
[10:41] ---
    This sign brings back memories!
[10:43] ---
    It's from our welcome party
    for the French students.
[10:46] ---
    Yeah.
[10:47] ---
    "PERFECT ISOLATION"
[10:47] ---
    Yeah, the principal
    suddenly sprung that on us.
[10:50] ---
    I think that was our busiest time.
[10:52] ---
    True.
[10:54] ---
    They may be able to use this again,
[10:56] ---
    so I guess I'll leave it here.
[10:57] ---
    Good idea.
[10:59] ---
    I have to take my games home, too, huh?
[11:03] ---
    Those cards...
[11:08] ---
    You were always in the mood
    to play games, Miss Fujiwara.
[11:12] ---
    That and telling fortunes.
[11:15] ---
    "LIKE"
[11:16] ---
    We did this, too!
[11:19] ---
    What's that from again?
[11:20] ---
    You don't remember? Jeez...
[11:23] ---
    Say "Ho!"
[11:25] ---
    Now I remember!
[11:27] ---
    Where you couldn't say
    a certain word!
[11:29] ---
    Yes! The forbidden word game!
[11:32] ---
    I must've missed that.
[11:35] ---
    We did this, too!
[11:37] ---
    "MEOW"
[11:39] ---
    That really doesn't suit you.
[11:43] ---
    "MIRACULOUS COMPATIBILITY (MARRIAGE)"
[11:43] ---
    A marriage.
[11:45] ---
    Don't suddenly do a cute ambush on me!
    I thought I was going to have a heart attack!
[11:50] ---
    Jeez. Quit slowing me down
    when I'm trying to clean up here.
[11:53] ---
    Sorry!
[11:55] ---
    I wasn't here for that, either.
[11:58] ---
    Um, then there was this.
[12:00] ---
    I know that one!
[12:02] ---
    You hit me with that when I said
    your boobs were in the way!
[12:06] ---
    "WHAP WHAP"
[12:07] ---
    Yes!
[12:08] ---
    Like this!
[12:10] ---
    You've gotten stronger, Ishigami.
[12:12] ---
    You're the only one
    who can antagonize Fujiwara.
[12:15] ---
    I see.
[12:17] ---
    People change and grow.
[12:19] ---
    Is this growth?
[12:23] ---
    "TRUE ROMANCE LOVE REFRAIN"
[12:23] ---
    You've grown, too, Shinomiya.
[12:25] ---
    Before, you thought someone's
    "first time" referred to a kiss.
[12:28] ---
    Go ahead, make fun of me.
    That was a long time ago.
[12:34] ---
    That didn't get under her skin?
SIGN    "TOTTORI TORINOSUKE THE MOVIE MR. BIRDSON OF BIRDVILLE"
[12:44] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[12:46] ---
    You really had us like puppets on strings.
[12:54] ---
    Here at the student council...
[12:57] ---
    ...so many things happened.
[13:00] ---
    I feel so nostalgic!
[13:01] ---
    "LUCKY" "GOAL" "MISFORTUNE"
[13:04] ---
    That's too recent for you
    to get nostalgic over.
[13:18] ---
    It's over?
[13:26] ---
    I guess that's it.
[13:28] ---
    Did we look everywhere?
[13:31] ---
    There's one place we didn't check.
[13:33] ---
    Um...
[13:34] ---
    Here.
[13:36] ---
    It was in here?
[13:38] ---
    You never noticed?
[13:40] ---
    No! I had no idea!
[13:43] ---
    Apparently, this room was their base
    during the student movement.
[13:46] ---
    I suppose they built
    this secret room then.
[13:50] ---
    Startling secrets to the very end.
[13:58] ---
    Well, this time for sure,
    we haven't forgotten anything, right?
[14:03] ---
    Wanna celebrate at a family restaurant?
[14:06] ---
    Not a bad idea.
[14:31] ---
    Don't...
[14:36] ---
    That's not fair.
[14:42] ---
    Well done, everyone.
[14:45] ---
    Thank you for everything!
[15:03] ---
    The activities of the 67th student council...
[15:06] ---
    ...have come to a close.
[15:30] ---
    "ALUMNI ASSOCIATION CEREMONIAL CORD"
[15:35] ---
    You all did a great job
    this past year.
[15:40] ---
    Cheers!
[15:42] ---
    Now I can finally take off
    this sweltering jacket.
[15:46] ---
    Although it's almost time
    to switch to our winter uniforms...
[15:46] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T WANT TO SAY IT"
[15:48] ---
    That's right!
[15:50] ---
    That's a weight off my shoulders!
    This braided cord is heavy.
[15:53] ---
    Well, it is made of gold.
[15:57] ---
    Now, we just have to pray
    that our successors can fill our shoes.
[16:02] ---
    After they saw
    how you worked yourself to death,
[16:04] ---
    I don't think anyone wants
    your position, President.
[16:08] ---
    Well, at least think about it.
[16:10] ---
    It's tough being on the student council,
    but there are commensurate merits.
[16:14] ---
    Student council privileges!
[16:16] ---
    Shuchiin Academy's committee members
    and student council members
[16:19] ---
    are given privileges such as admittance
    to Shuchiin University,
[16:21] ---
    grant for qualifications and the like.
[16:25] ---
    But only the president of the student council
    is given the letter of recommendation
[16:28] ---
    from Shuchiin Academy's board of trustees,
[16:28] ---
    "LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION"
[16:30] ---
    which is a premium ticket to universities
    and research institutes around the world.
[16:34] ---
    With this recommendation,
[16:35] ---
    a student would be one step closer
    to making their dream come true.
[16:39] ---
    How about you, Ishigami?
[16:41] ---
    Are you going to throw
    your hat in the ring?
[16:43] ---
    Do you really think
    I would get any votes?
[16:46] ---
    Girls in my class start to cry
[16:48] ---
    if I even make eye contact with them.
[16:51] ---
    I can't even count
    how many girls I've made cry.
[16:53] ---
    And making girls cry makes me cry, too.
[16:57] ---
    Isn't that funny?
[16:58] ---
    Sorry.
[16:59] ---
    Well, maybe...
[17:01] ---
    If I became the student council president...
[17:06] ---
    "HAHAHA" "CLAP CLAP"
[17:08] ---
    Cut it out.
[17:08] ---
    I'm gonna punch you in the face.
[17:11] ---
    So, President...
[17:12] ---
    Knock it off, Shinomiya.
    I'm not the president anymore.
[17:15] ---
    O-Oh, right.
[17:18] ---
    Huh? If President isn't the president,
    what should I call him?
[17:23] ---
    Mr. Shirogane?
[17:25] ---
    Just Shirogane?
[17:27] ---
    Or...
[17:29] ---
    Mi...
[17:30] ---
    Miyuki...
[17:35] ---
    As if...
[17:36] ---
    I could never do anything as embarrassing
    as calling him by his given name!
[17:41] ---
    I'm not that kind of frivolous girl!
[17:44] ---
    Want a refill, Miyuki?
[17:47] ---
    You had coffee, right, Miyuki?
[17:50] ---
    Miyuki, did you want hot coffee? Or iced?
[17:54] ---
    Iced, please.
[17:55] ---
    Okay! Miyuki wants ice!
[17:58] ---
    "SIMPLE"
[17:59] ---
    "SIMPLE" "SHALLOW!!"
[17:59] ---
    Frivolous! Are all young people
    like that these days?
[18:01] ---
    I'll have the same as Myu.
[18:04] ---
    "Myu"?
[18:05] ---
    Why "Myu"?
[18:05] ---
    How about if I call you "Yucchin"?
[18:08] ---
    Gimme a break.
[18:08] ---
    Oh, is it from "Miyuki"
    to "Miyu" to "Myu"? That's cute!
[18:09] ---
    I think maybe I'll go with that.
[18:10] ---
    No, no, no.
[18:13] ---
    I see. A nickname...
[18:15] ---
    Calling him by his given name
    would make me sound like a wanton hussy,
[18:17] ---
    Simpler! Simpler!
[18:19] ---
    but if it's a nickname,
    that's no problem!
[18:22] ---
    Hello, Mr. Myu.
[18:24] ---
    There's no need for the "Mr."
[18:25] ---
    This variation doesn't make me
    feel embarrassed at all!
[18:25] ---
    "TOTALLY FINE!!"
[18:28] ---
    I'm going to use it.
[18:29] ---
    I'm going to get another drink, too.
[18:33] ---
    You like iced coffee, right?
[18:37] ---
    M...
[18:40] ---
    President...
[18:41] ---
    Like he said,
    he's not the president anymore.
[18:45] ---
    She couldn't bring herself to say it.
[18:49] ---
    Disbanding, huh?
[18:51] ---
    If Miyuki would just continue
    as the president for one more year,
[18:54] ---
    everything would work out.
[18:56] ---
    No way.
[18:58] ---
    Being the student council president
    for our school is exhausting work.
[19:01] ---
    It's crazy how President could juggle
    his duties, his studies and a job.
[19:06] ---
    He already has the letter of recommendation
    from the board of trustees,
[19:09] ---
    so there would be no advantage for him
    to be the president for another year.
[19:13] ---
    We can't be selfish.
[19:15] ---
    "ICED COFFEE"
[19:17] ---
    That's right.
[19:19] ---
    Asking him would just be selfish.
[19:31] ---
    We're in different classes,
[19:32] ---
    so without the student council,
    there goes our connection.
[19:36] ---
    After this, I'm sure
    we won't see each other very often.
[19:42] ---
    That's right! I could become
    the student council president,
[19:46] ---
    and President could become
    the vice president!
[19:48] ---
    Ishigami could stay as the treasurer,
[19:51] ---
    and Kashiwagi as the secretary!
[19:55] ---
    Wouldn't that be
    the perfect team?
[20:00] ---
    Just kidding.
[20:03] ---
    Well, see you tomorrow!
[20:10] ---
    Shall we go?
[20:15] ---
    Even if President became the vice president,
    I'm sure he would work too hard.
[20:22] ---
    The name would change,
    but nothing else would.
[20:26] ---
    The best thing for President to do
    is concentrate on his studies.
[20:31] ---
    Our days together are over.
[20:33] ---
    I should think of them
    as a dream that I had every day.
[20:44] ---
    I can't be selfish.
[20:44] ---
    "SHINOMIYA"
[20:47] ---
    Well, see you.
[20:51] ---
    You did a great job, Shirogane.
[20:54] ---
    Thanks. You, too, Shinomiya.
[20:58] ---
    Calling him that...
[21:00] ---
    It just doesn't feel right
    coming out of my mouth!
[21:06] ---
    Can I be...
[21:08] ---
    selfish?
[21:11] ---
    I'll never ask you for anything again!
[21:14] ---
    I...
[21:16] ---
    ...want you to keep being
    the president, President!
[21:22] ---
    In other words,
[21:24] ---
    you want me to be the president
    for one more year, Shinomiya?
[21:36] ---
    Shinomiya, what do you think this is?
[21:39] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION APPLICATION"
[21:40] ---
    "CLASS: 2-B
    NAME: MIYUKI SHIROGANE"
[21:44] ---
    I see, I see!
[21:45] ---
    That's what you were thinking,
    huh, Shinomiya?
[21:47] ---
    President, did you keep quiet about this
    to make me bring it up?
[21:53] ---
    That's one possibility.
[21:55] ---
    H-He got me!
[21:58] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[21:59] ---
    Today's battle result...
[22:01] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[22:01] ---
    "SHIROGANE WINS"
[22:02] ---
    "FACULTY ROOM"
[22:03] ---
    "THE NEXT DAY"
[22:05] ---
    Shirogane,
[22:07] ---
    didn't you tell me you weren't going to be
    in the student council anymore?
[22:10] ---
    That was my original intention.
[22:12] ---
    And this... I filled it out
    but didn't intend to turn it in.
[22:16] ---
    Except now.
[22:18] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION APPLICATION"
[22:19] ---
    It seems a once-in-a-lifetime chance
    to show what I'm made of has come to me.
SIGN    "ELECTION NOTICE NOW SEEKING CANDIDATES!!"
[22:27] ---
    To be continued next week!

E4 - Ai Hayasaka Wants Him to Fall for Her

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "REGARDING THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION DATE: OCTOBER 15th" "REGARDING THE DRESS CODE"
[00:03] ---
    The student council has disbanded,
[00:05] ---
    and the campaign season has begun.
[00:08] ---
    After losing their point of contact,
    the student council,
[00:11] ---
    the two haven't said a word to each other!
[00:14] ---
    Three days have passed!
[00:16] ---
    During that time,
    nothing of note has happened.
[00:20] ---
    You should just go up to him.
[00:22] ---
    D-Don't be ridiculous!
[00:25] ---
    I want you to keep being the president,
    President!
[00:28] ---
    If I went up to him,
[00:30] ---
    it'd be like a confession
    that I was lonely without President!
[00:34] ---
    In fact, maybe President is lonely without me.
[00:38] ---
    It's even possible he'll come up to me
    with a confession of love!
[00:40] ---
    Yeah, yeah.
[00:42] ---
    Sick visit, fireworks,
    birthday, moon-viewing party...
[00:44] ---
    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIROGANE"
[00:46] ---
    With all of these events, how could there
    not be any progress whatsoever?
[00:50] ---
    It's so pathetic.
[00:52] ---
    How can you be so bad at this?
[00:54] ---
    What? Are you saying you could
    make President fall for you, Hayasaka?
[00:59] ---
    Probably.
[01:00] ---
    "SNAP"
[01:01] ---
    Is that right? Then try it!
[01:03] ---
    If you say you can easily make any guy
    fall for you, then hook President in one day!
[01:08] ---
    I didn't say "easily."
[01:09] ---
    It's easy for you to say
    when you're standing on the sidelines!
[01:11] ---
    I never said "easily."
[01:13] ---
    But if you actually tried it,
    you'd understand the struggles I go through!
[01:16] ---
    I did not say "easily."
[01:18] ---
    You can say anything with words.
[01:20] ---
    But I wish you wouldn't make
    grandiose claims you can't back up!
[01:25] ---
    If you really want me to do it,
    Lady Kaguya, I will.
[01:29] ---
    If you think you can,
    then give it your best shot.
[03:06] ---
    Thank you.
[03:15] ---
    It is you, Shirogane!
[03:17] ---
    Oh, that's right, you're Shinomiya's maid.
[03:20] ---
    Smithee A. Hayasaca?
[03:23] ---
    Bingo!
[03:24] ---
    "ANTI-SHIROGANE FASHION
    HAYASACA VER. 2"
[03:24] ---
    I'm so happy you remembered!
[03:29] ---
    Well, I didn't recognize you at first...
[03:32] ---
    ...because you seem so different
    from that last time.
[03:33] ---
    "AI HAYASAKA WANTS HIM
    TO FALL FOR HER"
[03:34] ---
    It's my day off!
[03:36] ---
    I get tired having to act
    so formal all the time.
[03:40] ---
    Sure, anyone would.
[03:41] ---
    She's good.
[03:43] ---
    Striking up a conversation
    in the checkout line so he can't get away.
[03:43] ---
    Please go ahead, ma'am.
[03:44] ---
    Thank you.
[03:46] ---
    Certainly, Hayasaka has technique.
[03:49] ---
    But even so, there's no way
    she'll be able to seduce President!
[03:53] ---
    You know, your Japanese
    has gotten a lot better.
[03:55] ---
    I studied like crazy!
[03:57] ---
    And I know how hard you study, Shirogane!
[04:01] ---
    Oh, not that much.
[04:03] ---
    "PC & LIFE"
[04:03] ---
    I'm embarrassed...
[04:04] ---
    about buying a magazine for the masses
    in front of you.
[04:08] ---
    Do you like computers?
[04:10] ---
    Well, I want to get a laptop,
    but I don't know which kind I should buy.
[04:15] ---
    Oh, that's right!
[04:16] ---
    As a boy, you'd probably know
    more about it.
[04:18] ---
    Choose for me, Shirogane!
[04:20] ---
    No, I really don't know much.
[04:22] ---
    You'd still make
    a better selection than me.
[04:25] ---
    This bookstore has a cafeteria,
    so let's sit down and let me pick your brain.
[04:29] ---
    She's really good!
[04:30] ---
    The "Teach me" strategy.
[04:32] ---
    "HEY!!"
[04:32] ---
    Instead of getting angry at a child
    who doesn't clean up,
[04:33] ---
    "HEY!!" "HMPH"
[04:34] ---
    if the parent poses it as a question
    like, "Where do your toys go?",
[04:35] ---
    "TELL MAMA WHERE THE TOYS GO"
[04:37] ---
    "RIGHT HERE"
[04:37] ---
    the child will put them away
    while explaining.
[04:40] ---
    Hayasaka cleverly uses
    the innate human drive to teach.
[04:44] ---
    Well, I suppose I have a few minutes.
[04:46] ---
    Yay!
[04:48] ---
    P-President!
[04:53] ---
    Hayasaca, that uniform...
[04:55] ---
    Yep.
[04:57] ---
    I'm a second-year high school student
    at Firis Girls' High.
[05:00] ---
    An alumni from my school
    introduced me to the Shinomiya Family.
[05:03] ---
    I work there part-time as a maid
    whenever they're short-handed.
[05:07] ---
    That's a part-time job?
[05:08] ---
    Yep.
[05:09] ---
    She has some gall, lying through
    her teeth with a straight face!
[05:13] ---
    You're a normal student at Shuchiin Academy,
    were born and raised in Japan,
[05:18] ---
    and you're a servant to the core who's lived
    with and worked for me since you were little!
[05:21] ---
    President!
    You're sitting next to a big fat liar!
[05:25] ---
    And...
[05:26] ---
    So, I've been using
    my parents' computer all this time,
[05:27] ---
    "LIE"
[05:27] ---
    "LIE"
[05:29] ---
    but I've finally saved up some money
    from working, and now I want my own.
[05:33] ---
    After she piled lie upon lie,
    President will realize it.
[05:34] ---
    "STARE"
[05:35] ---
    "LIE"
[05:37] ---
    He picks up on things like that!
[05:39] ---
    "GRIN"
[05:40] ---
    Instead of relying on her parents,
    she works to buy what she wants.
[05:42] ---
    How admirable!
[05:43] ---
    He hasn't noticed!
[05:45] ---
    So, how will you use the computer?
[05:48] ---
    I'd like to use it
    to put together reports for school.
[05:51] ---
    And I want to see videos!
    Isn't it fun to watch animal videos?
[05:55] ---
    Cunning!
[05:56] ---
    President, you can't fall
    for an obvious trap like that!
[05:59] ---
    That girl watches videos of things
    being crushed in a machine press!
[06:05] ---
    Cats! Nice! I get it!
[06:07] ---
    He fell for it!
[06:11] ---
    Well, you can watch videos
    on most computers these days.
[06:15] ---
    Good! Then I'll decide by the design!
[06:18] ---
    I know very well that you put together
    your own computers!
[06:20] ---
    "HAYASAKA ON HER DAY OFF,
    ASSEMBLING A SMALL COMPUTER"
[06:22] ---
    At any rate, once she picks
    a computer, it's over.
[06:26] ---
    Game over.
[06:29] ---
    In other words, solving it
    with the probability recurrence formula,
[06:32] ---
    which derives case analyses,
    is more efficient in the long run.
[06:35] ---
    When did he start tutoring her?
[06:35] ---
    That makes sense.
    You're great at teaching, Shirogane.
[06:37] ---
    He's never helped me study before!
[06:39] ---
    There's really not much I can teach you.
[06:42] ---
    Isn't Firis a top school, too?
[06:44] ---
    Yeah, but I just don't do well on tests.
[06:49] ---
    Even though I study ten hours a day.
[06:54] ---
    Ten hours?
[06:55] ---
    So, you're walking down a thorny path, too!
[06:57] ---
    Why do you believe everything she says?
[06:59] ---
    But it isn't healthy
    to deprive yourself of sleep...
[07:07] ---
    U-Um...
[07:10] ---
    "ZZZ"
[07:12] ---
    Oh boy.
[07:20] ---
    Huh? I fell asleep?
[07:23] ---
    No way! I was out for three hours!
[07:25] ---
    I tried to wake you up
    several times, but...
[07:27] ---
    Oh my gosh! How embarrassing!
[07:31] ---
    I was watching.
[07:33] ---
    I saw you peek at President through squinty
    eyes plenty of times these past three hours.
[07:38] ---
    You should've just left me here.
[07:41] ---
    No, I couldn't leave
    a defenseless girl alone.
[07:46] ---
    Fatigue from studying is a sign of effort.
[07:49] ---
    Shirogane...
[07:51] ---
    Her face says,
    "This is the moment I fell in love"!
[07:54] ---
    Or "I've never met a man like this before"!
[07:58] ---
    Hayasaka could create
    these facial facsimiles of pure love!
[08:02] ---
    The result!
[08:04] ---
    Say, Shirogane...
[08:06] ---
    Do you want to try going out once?
[08:06] ---
    "ROARRR"
[08:09] ---
    The perfect invitation that's hard to turn down!
[08:13] ---
    Of course, we barely know each other,
[08:16] ---
    so how about something light,
    like 90% friend and 10% girlfriend?
[08:20] ---
    And if there was another girl
    you really liked,
[08:22] ---
    you could be with her
    and still keep me as like a side piece.
[08:26] ---
    Conceptual ambiguity!
[08:28] ---
    Shirogane's judgmental standards
    are thrown a curve by this accommodating girl,
[08:32] ---
    making him wonder
    just what a girlfriend is anyway!
[08:34] ---
    Please, Hayasaka!
[08:36] ---
    I was in the wrong, so call this off!
[08:38] ---
    I'm sorry.
[08:39] ---
    There's someone I like.
[08:46] ---
    Really?
[08:50] ---
    I'll be rooting for you
    on the sidelines.
[08:52] ---
    I hope it works out for you.
[09:00] ---
    Thank goodness!
[09:03] ---
    See? That's what I'm talking about!
    President's a tough nut to crack!
[09:06] ---
    You never had a chance
    with him, Hayasaka!
[09:07] ---
    I never said that.
[09:10] ---
    I never said I could do it in one day!
[09:16] ---
    It would be different if I had a month!
[09:18] ---
    That was so humiliating!
[09:20] ---
    I never wanted to do it in the first place!
[09:23] ---
    But I only did it
    because you told me to, Lady Kaguya!
[09:27] ---
    I'm sorry.
[09:32] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:32] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[09:34] ---
    "HAYASAKA LOSES"
[09:34] ---
    Hayasaka loses.
[09:38] ---
    "HAYASAKA WATCHING A VIDEO
    OF STAMPEDING ELEPHANTS BEFORE BED"
[09:43] ---
    The student council election...
[09:46] ---
    Miyuki, you're an outsider here. An impure.
[09:48] ---
    "IMPURE"
[09:49] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS
    TO BE CONFESSED TO"
[09:49] ---
    Most of the students at Shuchiin Academy
    are pure students
[09:51] ---
    who started here in elementary school.
[09:53] ---
    Right.
[09:54] ---
    "PURE"
[09:56] ---
    I have a feeling some of them aren't too pleased
    with the idea of your re-election as president.
[10:00] ---
    Yeah.
[10:01] ---
    That bloc was a challenge
    in my previous election, too.
[10:05] ---
    So, one major thing you need to do...
[10:07] ---
    ...is assign someone else to be in charge
    of your campaign speeches!
[10:11] ---
    "MM-HMM"
[10:13] ---
    Fortunately, someone with enough popularity
    and charisma to sway the pure students...
[10:13] ---
    "PURE"
[10:17] ---
    ...is in the vicinity!
[10:22] ---
    And by that, of course, I mean m--
[10:24] ---
    I guess Shinomiya's the only one for the job.
[10:28] ---
    I'm not voting for you anymore, Miyuki!
[10:31] ---
    You were talking
    about yourself just now?
[10:34] ---
    If so, I'm sorry.
[10:39] ---
    So awkward!
[10:41] ---
    Why is it so hard
    to go into another classroom?
[10:44] ---
    What's this?
[10:45] ---
    What's up?
[10:47] ---
    Do you have business
    in my classroom, President?
[10:53] ---
    Have we met before somewhere?
[10:55] ---
    Why, sure! We go to the same school!
[10:57] ---
    Of course we've met!
[10:59] ---
    But that aside, don't you want me
    to call someone out here for you?
[11:02] ---
    Yes, Shinomiya.
[11:03] ---
    Okay!
[11:06] ---
    Hey, hey!
[11:08] ---
    Shinomiya!
[11:10] ---
    President says he needs to talk to you
    about something important!
[11:12] ---
    P-President?
[11:13] ---
    President has never come here before!
[11:13] ---
    "BUZZ BUZZ"
[11:15] ---
    It's probably student council business.
[11:17] ---
    But they've already disbanded.
[11:18] ---
    Then, it's a romantic thing?
[11:20] ---
    President, something important?
[11:23] ---
    Well, I guess you could call it important.
[11:26] ---
    It's about what we should do together...
[11:29] ---
    "PLAN A STRATEGY"
[11:29] ---
    to plan a strategy
    for the student council election.
[11:33] ---
    I don't want to discuss it here,
    so meet me behind the building after school.
[11:38] ---
    An afterschool rendezvous!
[11:40] ---
    Does that mean you-know-what?
[11:41] ---
    Those two are usually joined
    at the hip after school,
[11:43] ---
    "CLASS B"
[11:44] ---
    so it wouldn't surprise me
    if they were in a relationship.
[11:49] ---
    Kashiwagi, you often visit
    student council, right?
[11:52] ---
    What's the scoop?
[11:53] ---
    Spill it!
[11:55] ---
    I don't think they're dating.
[11:57] ---
    At least, not yet.
[11:58] ---
    A juicy romantic rumor about
    two leading students landed right in their lap!
[12:01] ---
    Then, this is the big day!
[12:03] ---
    It has to be that!
[12:04] ---
    "AMBASSADOR OF LOVE"
[12:04] ---
    This hot news spread like wildfire on social
    media, LINE, and the school's underground sites!
[12:07] ---
    "President is asking someone out!"
[12:07] ---
    "Whoa! Who is it?"
[12:08] ---
    "Wait... Maybe Vice President?"
[12:09] ---
    "Finally"
    "Whoa! I'm on the edge of my seat"
[12:10] ---
    "Shuchiin MMCBS
    (Mass Media Club Broadcasting Station)"
[12:10] ---
    How's the situation on the ground?
[12:13] ---
    Well, the students are keeping
    their distance and just looking on
[12:16] ---
    so as not to interfere in this precious event.
[12:18] ---
    Shinomiya, it's finally here!
[12:21] ---
    What is?
[12:22] ---
    Good luck, Kaguya!
[12:24] ---
    Good luck with what?
[12:26] ---
    All systems are go, President.
[12:29] ---
    What are you referring to?
[12:30] ---
    You've got this, Shirogane!
[12:32] ---
    What have I got?
[12:34] ---
    The result!
[12:42] ---
    Wait a second.
[12:43] ---
    What's the deal here?
[12:45] ---
    Go on!
[12:46] ---
    This feels like...
[12:47] ---
    Like I'm supposed to confess my love to her!
[12:51] ---
    Go on! You're going to ask Kaguya to be
    in charge of your campaign speeches, right?
[12:54] ---
    So, just it get done with already!
[12:57] ---
    You're not picking up
    on the vibe here at all, are you?
[13:04] ---
    President...
[13:05] ---
    You have something important...
[13:07] ---
    Yes, about that...
[13:09] ---
    Countless enthusiastic gazes
    were locked on to them!
[13:09] ---
    "STARE STARE"
[13:12] ---
    The air behind the school
    was permeated with the expectation
[13:15] ---
    of a manly confession of love from Shirogane!
[13:17] ---
    With a mood like this, if I just ask her
    to be in charge of my speeches...
[13:23] ---
    Shinomiya, I'd like to put you in charge
    of my campaign speeches.
[13:28] ---
    Bait and switch!
[13:29] ---
    Chicken!
[13:29] ---
    How could you humiliate her like this?
[13:31] ---
    I'll never vote for you!
SIGN    "ELECTION RESULT" "SHIROGANE" "SCUM" "ENEMY OF WOMEN" "CRAP!!"
[13:41] ---
    I-It seems like we've got an audience here.
[13:45] ---
    Yes, I noticed that, too.
[13:47] ---
    But I don't mind.
[13:50] ---
    Yeah, but it's not
    what you're thinking.
[13:52] ---
    Jeez! Why is he so embarrassed to ask her
    to be in charge of his speeches?
[13:56] ---
    "FLUSTERED"
[13:57] ---
    So, the thing is, um...
[13:58] ---
    President!
[13:59] ---
    You chose Kaguya over me, remember?
[14:02] ---
    Then pull yourself together!
[14:04] ---
    A love triangle?
[14:05] ---
    Is the student council room
    a hotbed of mad passion?
[14:07] ---
    Don't make the situation
    more complicated than it already is!
[14:10] ---
    What are you going to do, President?
[14:11] ---
    He just has to tell her!
[14:12] ---
    It's all over for me!
[14:17] ---
    H-Hey...
[14:22] ---
    Shinomiya...
[14:24] ---
    Y-Yes?
[14:32] ---
    Maybe it's better this way.
[14:35] ---
    I want to make Kaguya Shinomiya
    confess her love to me.
[14:38] ---
    That's what I thought all this time.
[14:40] ---
    This is a matter of pride.
[14:42] ---
    Shinomiya and I
    come from different backgrounds,
[14:45] ---
    so I thought it was necessary to have her confess
    her love to me before we could date as equals.
[14:51] ---
    But I feel too strongly about Shinomiya now...
[14:55] ---
    ...to keep making excuses.
[15:01] ---
    Shinomiya...
[15:02] ---
    I...
[15:04] ---
    I...
[15:11] ---
    I was hoping to put you in charge
    of my campaign speeches.
[15:21] ---
    Jeez.
[15:22] ---
    You're hopeless.
[15:25] ---
    Listen, President...
[15:27] ---
    This is how I'm going to answer your request.
[15:31] ---
    Whether it's about campaign speeches
    or anything else...
[15:39] ---
    Yes.
[15:40] ---
    Gladly.
[15:41] ---
    What was that?
[15:42] ---
    I couldn't hear!
[15:49] ---
    Come on, President. Let's get out of here
    before they start to riot!
[15:52] ---
    R-Right!
[15:54] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[15:54] ---
    Today's battle result...
[15:55] ---
    "A TIE"
[15:56] ---
    A tie.
[15:57] ---
    What about the campaign speeches?
[16:00] ---
    The chaotic election arc begins!
[16:03] ---
    And after the commercials, at last...
[16:05] ---
    "Those two again..."
[16:06] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION
    PREDICTION BULLETIN"
[16:08] ---
    "FORMER PRESIDENT SHIROGANE DOMINATING?"
SIGN    "MIKO IINO (FIRST-YEAR) MIYUKI SHIROGANE (SECOND-YEAR) HAYATO HONGO (SECOND-YEAR)"
[16:12] ---
    You're the frontrunner, President.
[16:13] ---
    "MIKO IINO WANTS TO SET THINGS RIGHT"
[16:14] ---
    Yay! You have it in the bag!
[16:18] ---
    A lot of people just remember our names
    because of what we did last time.
[16:22] ---
    These numbers can change
    depending on what the other candidates do.
[16:29] ---
    Who am I kidding? I've totally won!
[16:31] ---
    It's scary how popular I am!
[16:32] ---
    To be honest, I don't have to do anything!
    My re-election is a lock!
[16:35] ---
    There's no need for any campaigning!
[16:38] ---
    A first-year girl is in second place, huh?
[16:41] ---
    Do you know her, Ishigami?
[16:43] ---
    You're asking me, when I don't
    even remember my classmates' names?
[16:48] ---
    Miko lino...
[16:50] ---
    Miko lino?
[16:52] ---
    Sorry. I do know this name after all.
[16:55] ---
    Is she famous?
[16:57] ---
    Well, among the first-years.
[17:00] ---
    Academically, she's the top of her class.
[17:02] ---
    O-Oh...
[17:04] ---
    But, um, she's also very intense.
[17:08] ---
    Please take one!
[17:09] ---
    Yeah.
[17:09] ---
    Please! Take one, please!
[17:10] ---
    She's the one handing out fliers over there.
[17:13] ---
    A picture is worth a thousand words.
[17:16] ---
    I think you'll get a better idea
    by seeing her in action.
[17:22] ---
    Please take a look at this.
[17:24] ---
    Please.
[17:26] ---
    Do you have a second?
[17:28] ---
    Ishigami...
[17:30] ---
    What do you want?
[17:31] ---
    I don't have time to waste on a burnout.
[17:33] ---
    Burnout...
[17:35] ---
    Well, I was just going to introduce you.
[17:38] ---
    I don't think you've met.
[17:40] ---
    You're Miko lino?
[17:45] ---
    Yes.
[17:46] ---
    Miko lino, a first-year high school student
    at Shuchiin Academy.
[17:49] ---
    "FIRST - MIKO IINO"
[17:50] ---
    Like Shirogane, she's a talented
    young woman who's the top of her class.
[17:55] ---
    Her father is a High Court judge,
[17:58] ---
    and she's a member
    of the Public Morals Committee.
[18:00] ---
    She's a diligent honors student
    with irreproachable conduct.
[18:05] ---
    And she's 147 centimeters tall!
[18:08] ---
    Nice to meet you, I suppose...
[18:10] ---
    Ex-President Shirogane.
[18:12] ---
    Ex...
[18:13] ---
    I've heard about you.
    You're the top of your class?
[18:16] ---
    Yes. Ever since I started here.
SIGN    "THIS YEAR'S GRADES FIRST TERM: FIRST SECOND TERM: FIRST THIRD TERM: FIRST"
SIGN    "FIRST-YEAR GRADES FIRST TERM: NINTH SECOND TERM: FOURTH THIRD TERM: FIRST"
[18:22] ---
    But studying isn't everything, you know.
[18:25] ---
    Working and getting real-world experience
    are important, too.
[18:28] ---
    Does he see himself
    as a first-year's rival?
[18:32] ---
    Handing out fliers, huh?
[18:34] ---
    That kind of dull effort is also important.
[18:36] ---
    You haven't been doing anything,
    though, have you, Ex-President?
[18:39] ---
    Is it the complacency of a king?
[18:42] ---
    Although from where I'm standing,
    it just looks like carelessness.
[18:45] ---
    Campaigning is trying to gather votes
    through mere exposure effect.
[18:50] ---
    That kind of phony baloney isn't necessary
    when you have an actual track record.
[18:54] ---
    That's carelessness.
[18:56] ---
    Isn't the idea of giving students the
    opportunity to think about political platforms
[19:00] ---
    connected to a wholesome
    academy administration?
[19:05] ---
    We're just stepping up to make Shuchiin Academy
    an even better and nobler place.
[19:12] ---
    I want to convey that
    to the students through my campaign.
[19:16] ---
    Y-You certainly talk big, little girl.
[19:20] ---
    Little girl?
[19:23] ---
    No matter how admirable the ideals are
    that you embrace, they're only ideals!
[19:27] ---
    I can't wait for election day!
[19:29] ---
    You'll learn firsthand
    just how harsh reality can be!
[19:33] ---
    Both of you, get off your high horse!
    You totally sound like villains!
[19:38] ---
    Ideas without ideals are meaningless.
[19:41] ---
    There, see? She's obviously in the right here!
[19:45] ---
    Sorry.
[19:46] ---
    It seems Miyuki is really
    on his guard around you, lino.
[19:50] ---
    Fujiwara...
[19:52] ---
    You know of me?
[19:54] ---
    Of course!
[19:56] ---
    And, um, so...
[19:58] ---
    ...if you wouldn't mind...
[20:01] ---
    ...after I become the president
    of the student council,
[20:03] ---
    would you become my vice president?
[20:11] ---
    Why Fujiwara of all people?
[20:13] ---
    If you actually knew her,
    you'd never say anything like that!
[20:16] ---
    Do you boys realize
    how rude you're being to me?
[20:18] ---
    Hey, you look like a decent person!
[20:21] ---
    Can you convince your friend
    to change her mind?
[20:23] ---
    No.
SIGN    "KOBACHI OSARAGI FIRST-YEAR STUDENT AT SHUCHIIN ACADEMY"
[20:25] ---
    Thinking logically about it, Fujiwara is
    a suitable choice for vice president.
[20:28] ---
    Logically?
[20:29] ---
    What do you two know about Fujiwara?
[20:33] ---
    Is there anyone else
    who can stack up to her?
[20:39] ---
    Fujiwara won first prize
    at the PTNA National Piano Competition!
[20:44] ---
    Although that was in fourth grade.
[20:46] ---
    She also speaks five different languages!
[20:49] ---
    Well, my parents are diplomats.
[20:50] ---
    And she's a brilliant person who boasts
    average grades here at Shuchiin Academy!
[20:54] ---
    That's only average, huh?
[20:57] ---
    Ever since I was a little kid,
    I've played the piano and idolized Fujiwara!
[21:03] ---
    She's a prodigy
    who's light years ahead of me!
[21:07] ---
    Did you know that?
[21:11] ---
    Praise me more.
[21:12] ---
    Did you have any idea?
    Fujiwara is a great person!
[21:16] ---
    Ever since I quit, people have been treating me
    like a has-been, so I'm touched!
[21:19] ---
    Certainly, you may be the favorite now.
[21:22] ---
    However...
[21:24] ---
    I won't back down on my ideals!
[21:26] ---
    And I'm certain that people
    will come to understand them eventually.
[21:31] ---
    To bring Fujiwara into the fold, too,
    I'm going to win this election!
[21:35] ---
    "FWISH"
[21:35] ---
    We're not going to lose!
[21:38] ---
    How can you switch sides so naturally?
[21:43] ---
    Miko lino...
[21:45] ---
    We'll have to take measures.
[21:48] ---
    I don't think we have to worry about that.
[21:51] ---
    What?
[21:52] ---
    Read that flier carefully.
[21:55] ---
    "CAMPAIGN PROMISES"
[21:57] ---
    This is what she's really like.
[22:00] ---
    Miko lino is by the book
    and serious to a fault.
[22:03] ---
    Handing out fliers like that
    will just turn people off.
[22:06] ---
    I wonder why she doesn't get that.
[22:07] ---
    Y-Yeah.
[22:10] ---
    Shirogane dominates even more.
[22:11] ---
    She's always been like this.
[22:13] ---
    She's so annoying that it's like the annoyance
    takes on a life of its own and walks around.
[22:15] ---
    I wish it would hit her one of these days
    just what kind of person she is.
[22:20] ---
    Today's Kaguya...
[22:22] ---
    "TODAY'S KAGUYA"
[22:24] ---
    Where is everyone?
[22:26] ---
    "Actually, I can't betray my friends!!"

E5 - Miyuki Shirogane Wants Girls to Fall for Him

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS GIRLS TO FALL FOR HIM"
[01:30] ---
    Winter uniforms!
[01:32] ---
    Winter uniforms!
[01:34] ---
    Miyuki!
[01:35] ---
    Oh, Fujiwara...
[01:38] ---
    Something about me is different today.
    What do you think it--
[01:43] ---
    Your uniform is different.
[01:44] ---
    You're totally different!
[01:45] ---
    Wh-Wh-What happened?
    It's like your aura has changed!
[01:50] ---
    I don't think I've done anything especially...
[01:53] ---
    It must be because I have
    the jacket on again.
[01:55] ---
    It feels like we hardly had any time
    at all to wear the summer uniforms.
[01:58] ---
    This is no time to get sentimental!
[02:02] ---
    Is there some strange parasite inside of you?
    Maybe you should go to the hospital!
[02:05] ---
    As always, you bewilder me.
[02:08] ---
    Oh, wait.
[02:09] ---
    I had time to fix my bed head today.
    It's probably that.
[02:10] ---
    "HERE"
[02:12] ---
    True, that's different too, but...
[02:15] ---
    Wait, that was always bed head?
[02:17] ---
    Without the student council,
[02:19] ---
    Shirogane now had
    three extra hours to use as he liked.
SIGN    "CAUSE OF BED HEAD"
SIGN    "NIGHTTIME STUDY" "SLEEP" "STUDENT COUNCIL" "CLASSES "WORK" "GO HOME"
[02:24] ---
    Yes! Now that he gets enough sleep,
    Shirogane's health is in tip-top condition!
[02:31] ---
    Huh? Really?
[02:35] ---
    WWhy are you so far away from me?
[02:38] ---
    After all, it's kind of like...
[02:43] ---
    Fujiwara? What the heck?
[02:45] ---
    Good morning!
[02:47] ---
    Have a nice day!
[02:48] ---
    Oh, good morning.
[02:51] ---
    What was that? Those two
    have never greeted me before.
[02:56] ---
    What happened to you?
    Was some curse broken?
[02:59] ---
    I was never under any curse!
[03:01] ---
    What's with everybody?
[03:03] ---
    Am I that weird today?
[03:05] ---
    Well, you're always giving off
    this intimidating air,
[03:09] ---
    but it's gone today.
[03:11] ---
    "ALWAYS"
[03:12] ---
    Intimidating air?
[03:13] ---
    "NOW"
[03:14] ---
    I don't mean to.
[03:17] ---
    Hey, Shirogane!
[03:19] ---
    We're going to go do karaoke today.
    Wanna join us?
[03:23] ---
    I'll be busy campaigning
    for the election today, so...
[03:26] ---
    I see. Okay, I'll let you have a rain check.
[03:29] ---
    Great.
[03:32] ---
    This could be your one chance.
[03:34] ---
    Your period of popularity!
[03:35] ---
    Period of popularity?
[03:36] ---
    Period of popularity!
[03:38] ---
    Now that he mentioned it,
    the glare's not there.
[03:41] ---
    You could even say
    that my eyes look kindly.
[03:45] ---
    Popularity!
[03:46] ---
    Maybe...
[03:47] ---
    I could make Shinomiya
    fall for me like this!
[03:50] ---
    We've been getting along lately,
    so maybe now...
[03:53] ---
    This is a major chance!
[03:58] ---
    Shinomiya...
[03:59] ---
    President?
[04:01] ---
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[04:04] ---
    Do I have something on my face?
[04:07] ---
    No.
[04:08] ---
    All right, about the content of the speech...
[04:12] ---
    She's so flustered
    that she can't even look at me.
[04:14] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[04:14] ---
    It's all she can think about!
[04:16] ---
    If I can throw her off balance...
[04:19] ---
    The speech should reference
    your achievements
[04:21] ---
    and make a strong appeal about your
    realistic management of the council.
[04:25] ---
    That's not bad, but it should be
    a little more emotional.
[04:28] ---
    Maybe it would be a good idea
    to appeal to human nature.
[04:31] ---
    Human nature?
[04:33] ---
    Yeah. I want to know
    what the people around me think of me.
[04:39] ---
    For example...
[04:41] ---
    What do you think of me, Shinomiya?
[04:44] ---
    H-How's this? This should work!
[04:46] ---
    Wh-What do I think of you, President?
[04:49] ---
    W-Well, you're cool, smart,
    with eyes that shine like Canis Major.
[04:55] ---
    I think you're very likeable.
[04:58] ---
    It'll work!
[04:59] ---
    I think you're serious
    and helpful to others,
[05:01] ---
    which makes you a good choice
    for the student council president.
[05:04] ---
    And you're too close.
[05:07] ---
    H-Huh? Something's off.
[05:10] ---
    No.
[05:11] ---
    It's possible she's hiding her embarrassment.
[05:13] ---
    I'll try once more.
[05:14] ---
    I slept well last night,
    so my eyes feel refreshed.
[05:17] ---
    I think it probably makes a difference,
    but what do you think?
[05:21] ---
    Yeah.
[05:22] ---
    I guess.
[05:24] ---
    But you're too close.
[05:26] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[05:26] ---
    That's her honest reaction!
[05:28] ---
    She obviously couldn't care less!
[05:30] ---
    Why? When I received such a positive
    response from everyone else!
[05:33] ---
    Why not Shinomiya?
[05:34] ---
    Shirogane's mind wasn't on the meeting!
    But neither was Kaguya's mind!
[05:41] ---
    Why? Tell me why!
[05:44] ---
    President used to have such cool eyes!
[05:51] ---
    I'd like to ask your advice
    about something, Miss Kashiwagi.
[05:55] ---
    Yes, that's the vibe I'm getting.
[05:57] ---
    "NAGISA KASHIWAGI
    WANTS TO CONSOLE"
[05:58] ---
    This is about a friend.
[06:00] ---
    It's about Kaguya.
[06:02] ---
    Recently, a boy she's interested in
    has undergone a major change.
[06:06] ---
    So, it's about Shirogane.
[06:08] ---
    And she's kind of shocked
    by that change.
[06:14] ---
    She's worried that if her feelings can be shaken
    just by looks, then it's probably not true love.
[06:21] ---
    I see.
[06:23] ---
    She said "true love"!
[06:25] ---
    True love!
[06:27] ---
    Pure words that are embarrassing to say!
[06:27] ---
    "REAL LOVE"
[06:29] ---
    "ETERNAL LOVE"
[06:29] ---
    For someone living a normal life,
    expressions like that never come up,
[06:33] ---
    but this was Kaguya,
    born and raised in a special environment.
[06:37] ---
    She wasn't even aware that uttering
    expressions like that was embarrassing!
[06:42] ---
    And the more mature the person,
    the more squeamish they became.
[06:47] ---
    I'm not pure enough to cope
    with your bittersweet first love!
[06:55] ---
    But Kaguya turned to me for help,
    so I have to do my best for her.
[07:00] ---
    That's what love is like.
[07:03] ---
    It gets heated up and cooled down
    over the most trivial things.
[07:06] ---
    But...
[07:07] ---
    ...true love isn't swayed so easily
    by a change in the person's looks, right?
[07:12] ---
    She's making my brain itch!
[07:15] ---
    It's okay, Kaguya.
[07:17] ---
    I'm sure your friend's feelings
    are real... T-True love!
[07:22] ---
    I said it.
[07:25] ---
    Really? Is it love?
[07:27] ---
    Yes, it's t-true love.
[07:31] ---
    What are you talking about?
[07:34] ---
    I overheard interesting words like "true love,"
    so I came running over!
[07:38] ---
    This complicates it.
[07:39] ---
    Kaguya is really bad
    at asking for advice.
[07:42] ---
    If she keeps talking like this,
    her secret will slip out.
[07:43] ---
    This is about a friend.
[07:46] ---
    I'll have to take one for the team.
[07:48] ---
    Yes.
[07:49] ---
    I asked her for advice.
[07:52] ---
    My question was "What is true love?"
[07:55] ---
    Kashiwagi, asking a question
    like that at your age!
[08:01] ---
    Wait a second.
[08:02] ---
    I'm the one who asked for--
[08:04] ---
    "FWIP"
[08:04] ---
    Don't let my embarrassment go to waste!
[08:06] ---
    I wonder what true love really is.
[08:10] ---
    It's simple!
[08:12] ---
    True love is the kind of love that can't be swayed
    by appearance, like with Beauty and the Beast.
[08:17] ---
    Love that cools off just because
    one person's appearance changes sucks!
[08:21] ---
    It's fake!
[08:23] ---
    "THE WORST"
[08:23] ---
    That's the worst possible answer!
[08:25] ---
    Hurry up, Fujiwara!
[08:28] ---
    On my way!
[08:30] ---
    I was right.
[08:31] ---
    My love is fake love...
[08:33] ---
    Kaguya isn't even trying to hide
    the fact that it's her anymore.
[08:37] ---
    What's wrong?
[08:38] ---
    Ishigami...
[08:41] ---
    Ishigami, have you ever suffered
    from not being able to obtain true love?
[08:46] ---
    Kaguya?
[08:47] ---
    I know you're desperately
    grasping at straws, but asking him that...
[08:51] ---
    True love?
[08:52] ---
    Let's be a little more realistic.
[08:54] ---
    See? He's disgusted.
[08:56] ---
    In this day and age,
[08:58] ---
    nobody can love another person
    without any self-interest involved.
[09:01] ---
    I agree!
[09:02] ---
    It's foolish.
[09:06] ---
    Now, realistic love
    that's in each person's heart...
[09:10] ---
    Why don't people realize
    that's what true love is?
[09:16] ---
    Well, I'll see you later.
[09:18] ---
    Ishigami...
[09:19] ---
    Once in a while,
    he's got a way with words.
[09:22] ---
    I can't deal with this!
    I'm going to be sick!
[09:23] ---
    I see. There is no love
    that's right or wrong.
[09:27] ---
    You should just love realistically.
[09:29] ---
    Th-That's right!
[09:31] ---
    Your own way of loving
    is true love, Kaguya!
[09:34] ---
    Good!
[09:35] ---
    Then, this is really true love, right?
[09:38] ---
    It is, isn't it? Isn't it?
[09:39] ---
    Yeah, sure!
[09:41] ---
    Shinomiya...
[09:42] ---
    Hey, you two!
[09:44] ---
    Isn't it another beautiful day?
[09:48] ---
    Wh-Wh-Wh-What's wrong?
    What happened to your face?
[09:51] ---
    Oh, I've been working on my campaign strategy
    so much that I haven't been able to sleep!
[09:55] ---
    I guess it's been really hard on my eyes!
[09:58] ---
    I know she liked that glare of his,
    but surely not to this extent!
[10:02] ---
    P-President, that's no good.
[10:04] ---
    The infirmary...
    You should lie down in the infirmary!
[10:07] ---
    Huh?
[10:09] ---
    This is bad. I shouldn't do this.
[10:11] ---
    I know I shouldn't be doing this, but...
[10:15] ---
    Th-Thanks, Shinomiya.
[10:18] ---
    That's all right. No problem.
[10:22] ---
    I'm sorry, Kaguya. Maybe...
[10:27] ---
    ...that's not true love.
[10:30] ---
    Today's battle result...
[10:32] ---
    Kashiwagi loses.
[10:36] ---
    After being tainted by a man,
    my lady has developed a strange fetish.
[10:40] ---
    Hayasaka harbored a realistic fear.
[10:45] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS TO SING"
[10:48] ---
    ♪ We look up to the high sky... ♪
[10:52] ---
    ♪ To the peak of distant Mount Fuji... ♪
[10:56] ---
    ♪ We ride the azure winds... ♪
[11:00] ---
    ♪ Will our song be heard? ♪
[11:05] ---
    ♪ We know our flaws
    and will work hard to overcome them... ♪
[11:09] ---
    He's just mouthing the words!
[11:13] ---
    Miyuki, you idiot! Insincere! Shameless!
[11:15] ---
    Former or not, how could
    the president of the student council
[11:18] ---
    just lip-synch the school anthem?
[11:20] ---
    I expect you to do
    some serious repenting! I'm furious!
[11:23] ---
    The school anthem!
[11:24] ---
    At Shuchiin Academy, it's sung in unison at
    morning assembly at the beginning of every week
[11:28] ---
    and because it's done
    since elementary school,
[11:28] ---
    "ELEMENTARY"
[11:28] ---
    "MIDDLE"
[11:30] ---
    "HIGH"
[11:30] ---
    almost all of the trueborn students can sing it.
[11:31] ---
    "Transferred in
    from another
    school"
[11:33] ---
    Thus, not being able to sing it is shameful.
[11:37] ---
    I'm impressed you were able to see
    through my flawless lip-synching, Fujiwara.
[11:42] ---
    Well, I am the conductor.
[11:44] ---
    It may be a pain, but you really
    should remember the lyrics!
[11:47] ---
    Wait a second. That's not it.
[11:49] ---
    I have the lyrics memorized,
    and it's not like I don't want to sing.
[11:52] ---
    Then, why?
[11:54] ---
    I'm...
[11:55] ---
    ...crap.
[11:56] ---
    Huh? You're crap?
[11:57] ---
    I'm kind of crappy at singing!
    And a girl shouldn't say such vulgar things!
[12:01] ---
    But come on, former or not, a student
    council president who can't carry a tune?
[12:05] ---
    Shirogane is singing out of tune!
[12:09] ---
    Awful!
[12:10] ---
    President... So, you're tone-deaf?
[12:13] ---
    Then, you've only been mouthing the words?
[12:16] ---
    How cute.
[12:17] ---
    It would be even more embarrassing
    if I sang it out loud!
[12:21] ---
    So, better to spare myself
    the humiliation by mouthing the words!
[12:26] ---
    Kind of crappy at singing...
[12:28] ---
    Memories of their intensive volleyball training
    floated through Fujiwara's head.
[12:32] ---
    Those days and nights of grueling training
[12:34] ---
    were pure hell that exhausted
    the mind and body.
[12:38] ---
    She swore to herself that she'd never
    teach Shirogane anything again!
[12:41] ---
    This time, though,
    it wasn't exercise but music.
[12:43] ---
    A subject Fujiwara was especially good at!
[12:46] ---
    On top of that, he was only "kind of" tone-deaf.
[12:49] ---
    Kind of crappy, right?
    Just kind of crappy, right?
[12:52] ---
    Yeah, I swear, only kind of.
    I'm only kind of a crappy singer!
[12:57] ---
    Then, what the heck?
    I'll help you practice!
[13:00] ---
    For real?
[13:14] ---
    Fujiwara cursed her naive judgment!
[13:17] ---
    She had foolishly opened the gate
    to her own personal hell!
[13:19] ---
    Help me, Pesu!
[13:23] ---
    Well?
[13:24] ---
    Don't give me "kind of"!
[13:25] ---
    It's devastating! You're lethally tone-deaf!
[13:27] ---
    How dare you lie to me!
[13:30] ---
    Oh, that's an exaggeration!
    I'm not that bad.
[13:33] ---
    Do you want to hear yourself?
[13:34] ---
    "VOICE MEMO"
[13:36] ---
    Yeah, sure.
[13:39] ---
    No...
[13:41] ---
    This hideous singing voice is mine?
[13:43] ---
    That's reality. Accept it.
[13:46] ---
    What should I do?
[13:48] ---
    Instead of a song,
    start by singing one sound properly.
[13:55] ---
    Can you do that?
[13:57] ---
    Who do you think I am?
    Of course I can do that much.
[14:03] ---
    See?
[14:04] ---
    That's "re"!
[14:05] ---
    This is "so"!
[14:07] ---
    This is "re"!
[14:08] ---
    They're completely different, right?
[14:11] ---
    Yeah.
[14:12] ---
    Liar! Your face tells me
    you don't get it at all!
[14:15] ---
    Okay, I'm going to do "so,"
[14:18] ---
    so listen carefully
    and then try to reproduce my sound.
[14:21] ---
    The same sound.
[14:26] ---
    "HIGHER"
[14:28] ---
    "HIGHER"
[14:36] ---
    "This is 'so' in unison. Right now,
    you and I are producing the same sound."
[14:38] ---
    "It feels good, doesn't it?"
[14:41] ---
    That's listening to a note
    and then singing it.
[14:44] ---
    I appreciate this, Fujiwara.
[14:47] ---
    I feel like I understand music
    for the first time!
[14:51] ---
    I can sing!
[14:53] ---
    Now I can sing!
[14:54] ---
    Yes!
[14:56] ---
    Here I go!
[15:03] ---
    How was that?
[15:04] ---
    I feel like I'm going to puke!
[15:06] ---
    Before, it had a kind of charm
    like a sea cucumber's viscera,
[15:09] ---
    but now that you're hitting the notes
    in a half-assed way, it just sounds bad!
[15:14] ---
    You don't sugarcoat, do you?
[15:17] ---
    Look, I'll just keep mouthing the words.
[15:19] ---
    I don't want to ruin it
    for everyone else with my singing.
[15:22] ---
    Oh, that wouldn't...
[15:24] ---
    It's happened before.
[15:27] ---
    My elementary school teacher told me,
    "You don't have to sing."
[15:32] ---
    "MIDDLE"
[15:32] ---
    For my middle school's chorus festival,
    my classmates begged me to lip-synch.
[15:38] ---
    I've been mouthing the words
    ever since then.
[15:42] ---
    Honestly, I'd like to sing.
[15:44] ---
    Without getting worked up.
[15:45] ---
    I'd like to sing with everyone.
[15:48] ---
    But...
[15:52] ---
    Why didn't you tell me that
    from the beginning?
[15:56] ---
    Fujiwara...
[15:58] ---
    I'll make a singer out of you yet, Miyuki.
[16:01] ---
    "GOO GOO GA GA"
[16:01] ---
    Leave it to Mama!
[16:02] ---
    I'm uncomfortable with that
    maternal instinct you're displaying!
[16:07] ---
    And so...
[16:08] ---
    "DEMON"
[16:12] ---
    ...time went by intensely.
[16:22] ---
    The next morning assembly!
[16:27] ---
    Miyuki...
[16:31] ---
    Please, God...
[16:35] ---
    ♪ We look up to the high sky... ♪
[16:40] ---
    ♪ To the peak of distant Mount Fuji... ♪
[16:44] ---
    ♪ We ride the azure winds... ♪
[16:47] ---
    He's singing!
[16:48] ---
    ♪ Will our song be heard? ♪
[16:49] ---
    Miyuki is singing!
[16:52] ---
    Yeah. It's being heard, Miyuki.
[16:52] ---
    ♪ We know our flaws
    and will work hard to overcome them... ♪
[17:00] ---
    ♪ Nobility and shame both dwell in the eyes... ♪
[17:08] ---
    ♪ Together we will rise
    above the darkness of discouragement... ♪
[17:16] ---
    "HIGHER"
[17:16] ---
    ♪ Days of advancing
    through the heights together... ♪
[17:25] ---
    ♪ We will reach our destination someday... ♪
[17:33] ---
    ♪ We will never forget
    our gratitude to you, Mother... ♪
[17:41] ---
    ♪ Our mother who raised us... ♪
[17:46] ---
    Fujiwara?
[17:47] ---
    Fujiwara?
[17:48] ---
    Chika?
[17:52] ---
    I sang!
[17:54] ---
    I really sang!
[17:56] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, what was that about?
[18:03] ---
    He made me so proud!
[18:09] ---
    "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
    "SHIROGANE & FUJIWARA WIN"
[18:10] ---
    Today's battle result...
[18:11] ---
    Shirogane and Fujiwara win.
[18:14] ---
    "No, I'm done!!
    My days of teaching him are over!!"
[18:16] ---
    To be continued.
SIGN    "HAYATO HONGO (SECOND-YEAR) WITHDRAWS HIS CANDIDACY FROM THE STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTION SO HE CAN FOCUS ON STUDYING?"
SIGN    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S 3 POLICIES WE AND THE STUDENTS TOGETHER"
[18:28] ---
    There we go.
[18:30] ---
    What's that?
[18:31] ---
    Oh...
[18:32] ---
    Iino advertised her campaign pledges,
[18:35] ---
    so I prepared pledges for our side.
[18:37] ---
    Oh. President made this?
[18:37] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO KICK THEM DOWN"
[18:39] ---
    Nope, I made it up off the top of my head!
[18:42] ---
    Well, campaign promises
    are just like decorations anyway.
[18:46] ---
    Once the election is over,
    no one will remember who said what.
[18:50] ---
    You come from a family of politicians, right?
[18:54] ---
    "INVESTIGATION REPORT"
[18:55] ---
    Miko lino.
[18:56] ---
    Her father is a high court judge,
[18:59] ---
    and her mother works for an international
    humanitarian aid organization.
[19:02] ---
    Besides our people, I've been using
    outside investigators to look into her.
[19:07] ---
    I don't think this is going to be easy.
[19:09] ---
    Really?
[19:10] ---
    Usually with this kind of thing, when you
    start turning over rocks, you find bugs.
[19:15] ---
    Once in a while,
[19:16] ---
    you also find people who lay their lives
    on the line for their job and are incorruptible.
[19:20] ---
    We may not be able to find
    any ammunition to use against her.
[19:23] ---
    Even if that's the case,
    it's not a problem.
[19:26] ---
    I've encountered
    more scoundrels than she has.
[19:31] ---
    Why did you want to see me?
    I don't really have any free time.
[19:35] ---
    That's why I thought it would be a good idea
    to take a breather with a cup of tea.
[19:39] ---
    The student council room
    is supposed to be off-limits right now.
[19:43] ---
    Either you or we will become the next
    student council, so that doesn't matter.
[19:48] ---
    Hongo might also become
    the student council president.
[19:53] ---
    Yes, he had a chance, right?
[19:57] ---
    Let me see. Did we have
    any cookies in here?
[20:00] ---
    No, thank you.
[20:01] ---
    I can tell you're the kind of person
    who'll stop at nothing to get what she wants.
[20:06] ---
    I don't trust that tea.
[20:09] ---
    Oh, that's a shame.
[20:10] ---
    I just wanted to get to know you better.
[20:14] ---
    I hear your parents
    are both upstanding members of society.
[20:19] ---
    Yes, they are.
[20:20] ---
    I respect my parents because
    they stay on the straight and narrow
[20:23] ---
    and refuse to give in to anyone,
    no matter how crooked they are!
[20:28] ---
    Conviction and anxiety.
[20:31] ---
    Should I change my line of attack?
[20:34] ---
    Then, why don't we talk about this?
[20:37] ---
    During elementary and middle school,
    you ran for the student council many times.
[20:41] ---
    But you never won, not once.
[20:44] ---
    You do know why, don't you?
[20:47] ---
    You weren't strong enough
    to have your strict ideals accepted.
[20:52] ---
    If you cling to those ideals,
[20:54] ---
    you'll never win an election
    while you're at this academy, either.
[20:59] ---
    However...
[21:00] ---
    ...we'll help you with your election campaign.
[21:04] ---
    By the name of Shinomiya, I swear
    I'll make you the student council president.
[21:10] ---
    But that's...
[21:11] ---
    Of course, that support would be
    in accordance with your ideals.
[21:15] ---
    You'd decide on any actions I took.
[21:18] ---
    That doesn't sound bad, does it?
[21:22] ---
    Disturbed. Hopeful.
[21:24] ---
    Yes.
[21:26] ---
    You want to be the student council president
    more than anything, right?
[21:31] ---
    What are you after?
[21:34] ---
    This is a deal, isn't it?
    What's the condition going to be?
[21:39] ---
    I wouldn't call it a condition.
    Wait until you're a second-year.
[21:44] ---
    I think it'd be better for you to learn
    a little more about the high school first.
[21:48] ---
    Otherwise, we won't be able
    to support you with confidence.
[21:52] ---
    In other words...
[21:54] ---
    ...in exchange for your help next year,
    you want us to drop out this year.
[21:58] ---
    Is that it?
[22:01] ---
    Oh. Is that how it sounded to you?
[22:03] ---
    I see.
[22:05] ---
    President aside, is that
    how the former student council operated?
[22:10] ---
    That's plain dirty.
[22:12] ---
    You and Ex-President Shirogane...
[22:14] ---
    ...were made for each other!
[22:17] ---
    "BLUSH"
[22:18] ---
    Made for each other?
[22:19] ---
    Yes, made for each other!
[22:20] ---
    You're two of a kind!
    You have perfect compatibility!
[22:23] ---
    Um...
[22:25] ---
    Do you really think
    we're that compatible?
[22:28] ---
    There aren't many people
    who are as compatible as you two!
[22:30] ---
    You might as well get married!
[22:34] ---
    Married?
[22:35] ---
    I can't believe you two
    had the run of this academy.
[22:38] ---
    Well! I didn't realize she was so nice!
[22:42] ---
    No, get a grip! You can't let yourself
    be swayed by emotions!
[22:44] ---
    One more step and I can break her spirit!
[22:46] ---
    Come to think of it...
[22:48] ---
    ...w-we kept a fruitcake in here
    for a special occasion.
[22:51] ---
    I don't want any!
[22:52] ---
    Oh.
[22:53] ---
    I've made up my mind.
[22:54] ---
    Both you and Ex-President
    are going to be part of my student council.
[22:59] ---
    I'm going to beat your warped nature into shape!
[23:02] ---
    Th-That's not...
[23:06] ---
    Huh?
[23:07] ---
    That's actually not a bad condition.
[23:10] ---
    For me, it would guarantee
    that I'd get to be with President.
[23:15] ---
    And it would also free President
    from exhausting work.
[23:18] ---
    So...
[23:20] ---
    ...together, we'll bring order
    back to this academy!
[23:23] ---
    We'll all check
    everyone's uniforms every morning!
[23:26] ---
    In the afternoon,
    we'll pick up litter together!
[23:28] ---
    And as for hanky-panky at night,
    there won't be any of it.
[23:31] ---
    No romance?
[23:32] ---
    Of course not! You won't be permitted
    to get closer than 50 cm to the person!
[23:36] ---
    Vice President Fujiwara and I...
[23:39] ---
    ...will be able to make it all happen!
[23:41] ---
    Vice President who?
    Are you for real?
[23:45] ---
    Of course.
[23:47] ---
    What's this girl talking about?
    I'm terrified!
[23:50] ---
    The result of today's negotiations...
[23:52] ---
    Breakdown!
[23:53] ---
    Next time, Election Day!
[23:56] ---
    "ELECTION SUPER TUESDAY"

E6 - I Don't Want to Make Miko Iino Smile

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    "ELECTION COMMISSION"
[01:32] ---
    I have a favor to ask you.
[01:36] ---
    I want you to beat Miko lino
    in today's election by a landslide.
[01:39] ---
    Why are you so serious?
[01:41] ---
    Polling shows we've got
    almost 90% of the vote locked down,
[01:43] ---
    "I DON'T WANT TO MAKE
    MIKO IINO SMILE"
[01:45] ---
    so I don't think
    there's any need to worry.
[01:48] ---
    Do they have some kind of ace up their sleeve?
[01:51] ---
    No, they don't.
[01:53] ---
    I'm sure we'll win today's election.
[01:56] ---
    But even so, we should be able
    to make it a decisive win.
[02:00] ---
    Is there something
    between you and Miko lino?
[02:09] ---
    Miko, what are you doing?
[02:12] ---
    I heard writing the character for a person on your
    palm and then swallowing it calms the nerves.
[02:16] ---
    Want to try together?
[02:18] ---
    Swallow a person...
[02:23] ---
    I can't.
[02:24] ---
    Why not?
[02:26] ---
    It's like I have empathy for this person.
[02:29] ---
    I would feel guilty swallowing him.
[02:31] ---
    What are you talking about?
[02:32] ---
    When I think that he may have
    parents and a family...
[02:35] ---
    He doesn't.
[02:36] ---
    Then, he's all alone.
[02:38] ---
    That's wrong, too.
[02:39] ---
    I'm going to name this person Yusaku.
[02:41] ---
    What's the point of making it
    even tougher for yourself to swallow him?
[02:44] ---
    Please get ready!
[02:47] ---
    Okay!
[02:56] ---
    D-Do your best.
[03:00] ---
    Yusaku...
[03:07] ---
    Miko lino is a very honest girl.
[03:11] ---
    She's a girl who is sensitive, pure...
[03:13] ---
    ...and more just than anyone I know.
[03:17] ---
    I think many of you already know
[03:18] ---
    how earnest she is through her work
    as a member of the Public Morals Committee.
[03:22] ---
    She was a member of that committee
    all through middle school,
[03:24] ---
    working hard for the sake
    of the academy and her fellow students.
[03:28] ---
    At the same time,
[03:29] ---
    she was devoted to her studies
    and was the highest-ranked student...
[03:29] ---
    There's no hesitation.
[03:30] ---
    She must have practiced a lot.
[03:33] ---
    But...
[03:34] ---
    ...people here aren't really paying attention.
[03:37] ---
    Maybe half of the students here
    are actually listening.
[03:40] ---
    So, please vote for Miko lino.
[03:45] ---
    Thank you for listening.
[03:48] ---
    And now, let's hear from a supporter
    for Mr. Shirogane, Ms. Shinomiya.
[03:54] ---
    Kaguya!
[03:55] ---
    She's so honorable!
[04:14] ---
    My name is Kaguya Shinomiya,
    and I'm here to present a speech
[04:17] ---
    in support of presidential candidate
    Miyuki Shirogane. Hello.
[04:20] ---
    As you all know, I served as the former
    vice president of the student council.
[04:21] ---
    She did that mic feedback thing on purpose.
[04:24] ---
    She did it to command everyone's attention,
    even the teachers.
[04:27] ---
    I'd like to think I have a better grasp
    of what the student council is than anyone.
[04:32] ---
    The operating costs for the school's
    student council is provided by contributions,
[04:36] ---
    so the money at our disposal
    cannot be used in an immature way.
SIGN    "FORMER STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS"
[04:41] ---
    Safe, sound and effective management
    of the funds is essential.
[04:44] ---
    As this data indicates,
    our previous student council,
[04:47] ---
    under the leadership
    of President Miyuki Shirogane,
[04:49] ---
    was able to accomplish
    all of this, I'm proud to say.
[04:52] ---
    That's true. They do have actual results.
[04:53] ---
    He revised club activity budgets,
[04:55] ---
    Yeah.
[04:56] ---
    was in charge
    of the school festival operating budget,
[04:57] ---
    But Shirogane just started here
    from high school--
[04:58] ---
    and increased the number of vending machines.
[04:58] ---
    No talking.
[05:01] ---
    President Shirogane always considered
[05:02] ---
    how he could improve the quality of our
    student lives here and then took action.
[05:04] ---
    Just before, Fujiwara led a teacher
    over by an anti-Shirogane section.
[05:05] ---
    That stance will remain unchanging for a second term.
[05:09] ---
    We can't put anything past them.
[05:10] ---
    Finally...
[05:11] ---
    I would like to explain our forthcoming
    club policies with video footage.
[05:16] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    PROJECTED STUDENT COUNCIL OPERATIONS"
[05:16] ---
    We're going to let the destination
    of the class trip
[05:18] ---
    be guided by the results
    of a survey given to students.
[05:22] ---
    I wanna go to Bali!
[05:23] ---
    I say Egypt!
[05:24] ---
    "SHUCHIIN ACADEMY FESTIVAL"
[05:24] ---
    And then, our hearts will become one.
[05:25] ---
    "HOUSHIN FESTIVAL"
[05:32] ---
    "EBISU ACADEMICS AND SPORTS"
[05:32] ---
    On top of that, he arranged
[05:35] ---
    for that charismatic teacher from last year
    to come back this season for a special class.
[05:39] ---
    This promotional video
    is full of shameless baloney.
[05:40] ---
    "ERINA EYATE"
[05:43] ---
    Ishigami...
[05:46] ---
    They're eating it up.
[05:48] ---
    We're just presenting an approximation
    of your accomplishments, President.
[05:52] ---
    The important thing is having a list
    of things and how they're presented.
[05:55] ---
    Still, I'm surprised you put
    so much effort into this, Ishigami.
[06:00] ---
    It's like I said.
[06:02] ---
    I want to beat Miko lino in a landslide.
[06:05] ---
    That is all.
[06:07] ---
    Thank you for your attention.
[06:10] ---
    Please vote for Miyuki Shirogane.
[06:15] ---
    That was powerful.
[06:17] ---
    She just exudes unshakeable strength.
[06:20] ---
    Miko has just as many accomplishments.
[06:22] ---
    But...
[06:24] ---
    Next, let's hear from the candidate, Miko lino.
[06:40] ---
    My name is...
[06:42] ---
    What'd she say?
[06:43] ---
    Mic trouble?
[06:44] ---
    We can't hear you!
[06:46] ---
    Is something wrong?
[06:48] ---
    I'm Miko lino.
[06:53] ---
    Is she nervous?
[06:56] ---
    Again?
[07:03] ---
    This is the usual pattern.
[07:06] ---
    This is the reason Miko lino doesn't win.
[07:09] ---
    She was never good
    in front of a crowd,
[07:11] ---
    but every time she loses
    an election, it gets worse.
[07:16] ---
    It's laughable.
[07:19] ---
    Top of the class, by the book,
    serious to a fault.
[07:23] ---
    Normally, she's a self-important,
    authoritarian pain in the ass,
[07:26] ---
    so it's all the more potent
    when she exposes herself to ridicule like this.
[07:30] ---
    You can't expect people who are annoyed
    by her on the daily not to laugh.
[07:34] ---
    "TAP TAP"
[07:36] ---
    I have plenty of reasons
    to resent her myself.
[07:37] ---
    "SCRUB SCRUB"
[07:40] ---
    "FWISH!!"
[07:43] ---
    "POURING WATER"
SIGN    "CHUCKLE CHUCKLE" "HEH HEH"
SIGN    "PLEASE VOTE FOR ME THIS TIME FOR SURE"
SIGN    "WOW"
SIGN    "HAHAHAHA"
[07:49] ---
    But...
[07:50] ---
    But it pisses me off...
[07:53] ---
    ...when someone who's trying so hard
    gets laughed at.
[07:56] ---
    So...
[07:57] ---
    Leave it to me.
[08:01] ---
    You want us to win in a way that won't make
    Miko lino a laughingstock, right?
[08:14] ---
    No one's home, Miko?
[08:17] ---
    No.
[08:18] ---
    My mom is distributing vaccines
    to a hot spot,
[08:21] ---
    and my dad has to work late
    at the courthouse.
[08:24] ---
    Both of their jobs are very important.
[08:28] ---
    But don't you get lonely
    being the only one at home?
[08:31] ---
    I do.
[08:33] ---
    I wouldn't be able to take it.
[08:36] ---
    It's not my mom and dad's fault.
[08:39] ---
    It's just that the world
    is full of bad people...
[08:42] ---
    ...which makes them so busy
    that they can't come home much.
[08:47] ---
    If only people would follow the rules...
[08:51] ---
    Miko is a very serious person.
[08:54] ---
    She always comes to class
    early in the morning...
[08:57] ---
    ...to feed the fish and change
    the water for the flowers.
[09:01] ---
    She always does what the teacher says
    and always has the highest grade.
[09:07] ---
    Everyone!
[09:08] ---
    It was only natural when she ran for
    student council president in elementary school.
[09:13] ---
    Stop bringing things to school
    that have nothing to do with our studies!
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTED: MAKOTO TADA MOMOKO ADACHI MIKO IINO"
[09:17] ---
    Miko loves doing what's right.
[09:21] ---
    But to elementary school students
    who just want to have fun,
[09:24] ---
    doing what's right is seen as an enemy
    that infringes on their freedom.
[09:29] ---
    In middle school,
    we joined the Public Morals Committee.
[09:33] ---
    Miko didn't hesitate
    to crack down on upperclassmen
[09:36] ---
    even if they were scary or popular.
[09:39] ---
    A lot of people didn't appreciate that.
SIGN    "ELECTED: KAZUO AIDA SAORI NONAKA JUNPEI MACHIDA MIKO IINO"
[09:44] ---
    Some of them were malicious.
[09:46] ---
    Miko didn't care.
    She didn't even look disappointed.
[09:50] ---
    Or at least that's probably
    what other people thought.
[09:53] ---
    But they were wrong.
[09:56] ---
    Miko would cry
    where nobody else could see her.
[09:59] ---
    The truth is she was scared
[10:01] ---
    and would get hurt like anybody else
    when people were mean to her.
[10:05] ---
    Miko...
[10:08] ---
    Miko was just serious. She wasn't strong.
[10:11] ---
    But no one got that.
[10:15] ---
    Miko just wants to do the right thing.
[10:18] ---
    Why do they look at her like that?
[10:22] ---
    Anybody would be scared
    if people stared at them like that.
[10:38] ---
    That's enough. You're just wasting time.
[10:42] ---
    N-Not yet...
[10:44] ---
    Do you really think you'll get any votes
[10:46] ---
    with ridiculous campaign promises
    like this, Miko lino?
[10:50] ---
    Ridiculous?
[10:53] ---
    Yes, ridiculous.
[10:54] ---
    Mandatory shaved heads
    in this day and age?
[10:56] ---
    No one will go along with that.
[10:58] ---
    B-But... th-that's...
[11:04] ---
    If you object, look me in the eye
    and tell me straight out.
[11:07] ---
    I-I...
[11:11] ---
    What I'm trying to say is...
[11:19] ---
    Go ahead.
[11:23] ---
    Jeez.
[11:25] ---
    She would've self-destructed
    if he'd just left well enough alone.
[11:29] ---
    My...
[11:30] ---
    My campaign promises
    aren't ridiculous at all!
[11:37] ---
    Are you listening?
[11:39] ---
    This is a survey of the brand images
    of well-known high schools!
[11:42] ---
    The strength of Shuchiin's brand
    has been declining with each passing year!
[11:47] ---
    Oh, and you've pinpointed the cause?
[11:49] ---
    There are a number of reasons,
[11:51] ---
    but one is a strong impression
    that the students here have loose morals!
[11:54] ---
    The general public sees us
    as "spoiled brats with good grades"!
[11:58] ---
    That's what they think of us!
[12:01] ---
    Miko is saying what she wants to say
    without any trouble?
[12:01] ---
    And not only that,
[12:03] ---
    lately, we haven't been able to get cooperation
    from any community organizations for our events!
[12:07] ---
    Cooperation from community organizations?
[12:08] ---
    I see!
[12:09] ---
    Be more specific.
[12:09] ---
    It's because she's only focusing on Shirogane!
[12:11] ---
    For example, the campfire
    at the school festival!
[12:13] ---
    After our students made a nuisance
    of themselves by staying out late and littering,
[12:16] ---
    the neighborhood association stopped
    granting permission for nighttime activities!
[12:20] ---
    That's one problem caused by lax morals!
[12:23] ---
    Our local bad reputation corresponds
    with this period of relaxed school regulations.
[12:26] ---
    Rules give rise to morals!
[12:29] ---
    But making all the boys shave their heads
    because of that is going too far!
[12:33] ---
    Shaved heads are cool!
[12:35] ---
    That uniformity is stylish!
    Big round heads make my heart beat fast!
[12:39] ---
    I don't care about your fetish!
[12:41] ---
    In this information society, you never know
    what trivial problem will ruin a brand!
[12:46] ---
    In order to preserve Shuchiin's brand,
    even after we become members of society,
[12:51] ---
    we need to reform the school's image
    into a "Moral Shuchiin"!
[13:02] ---
    Where's the data showing
    that shaving your head is effective?
[13:04] ---
    There is a precedent
    that showed a decrease in tardiness!
[13:07] ---
    The reason was it took less time for the boys
    to fix their hair in the morning!
[13:11] ---
    I don't accept that alone as validity!
[13:14] ---
    In this modern world
    which esteems diversity,
[13:15] ---
    it would be difficult
    to enforce mandatory head-shaving!
[13:17] ---
    Diversity?
[13:19] ---
    Would you really lose diversity
    over a haircut?
[13:23] ---
    It wouldn't be lost but stolen.
[13:27] ---
    Although respecting the individual
    without destroying the model would be the ideal.
[13:32] ---
    To cultivate everyone's individuality,
    Shuchiin supports a variety of clubs.
[13:37] ---
    The ideal can be realized!
[13:39] ---
    Their debate has been going on
    for more than half an hour now,
[13:43] ---
    but no one is in the mood to stop them.
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTION RESULTS MIYUKI SHIROGANE MIKO IINO"
[13:49] ---
    Well, she lost the election, but...
[13:52] ---
    "SHOCK"
[13:56] ---
    Miko...
[13:57] ---
    Hey, lino...
[14:06] ---
    That was so close! I voted for you!
[14:09] ---
    You were so cool,
    holding your ground against President!
[14:12] ---
    I was moved!
[14:14] ---
    Me, too!
[14:15] ---
    There's always next year! Focus on that!
[14:17] ---
    I never knew you thought
    so much about the academy, lino!
[14:20] ---
    We have "♪rubbingshavedhead"
    trending on Instagram!
[14:28] ---
    If only you hadn't been up against Shirogane...
[14:32] ---
    Miko!
[14:34] ---
    Good for you! Good for you!
[14:37] ---
    Why are you crying?
[14:42] ---
    Jeez!
[14:44] ---
    Don't be so reckless again!
    It's bad for the heart!
[14:47] ---
    What happened to Shinomiya?
[14:50] ---
    She got a stomachache so bad
    that she couldn't stand!
[14:52] ---
    Thanks to a certain someone!
[14:54] ---
    You mean it's my fault?
[14:58] ---
    Come to think of it,
[15:00] ---
    we need someone for the financial audit
    and be in charge of general affairs.
[15:03] ---
    That's right.
[15:05] ---
    Wait a second.
[15:08] ---
    What are you thinking?
[15:08] ---
    "I WANT TO MAKE MIKO IINO SMILE"
[15:14] ---
    Shirogane was nervous when his margin
    of victory was narrower than he predicted.
[15:14] ---
    "280 VOTES 320 VOTES"
[15:15] ---
    "SO CLOSE"
[15:18] ---
    So close!
SIGN    "STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT ELECTION RESULTS MIYUKI SHIROGANE MIKO IINO"
[15:20] ---
    He did it!
[15:21] ---
    Kaguya, he's the president again!
[15:25] ---
    When he went on stage earlier,
    I thought I'd get an ulcer, but...
SIGN    "PAIN PAIN"
[15:26] ---
    "KAGUYA ISN'T GETTING CALLED"
[15:29] ---
    I wasn't particularly worried.
[15:32] ---
    Maybe that's true,
[15:34] ---
    but let's see a little genuine happiness!
[15:40] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[15:46] ---
    There, there. It's okay.
[15:49] ---
    You really were nervous, huh? Poor thing.
[15:53] ---
    That's not it.
[15:55] ---
    I know you haven't been sleeping well
    these past few nights.
[16:00] ---
    You worked so hard.
[16:03] ---
    So, now you can lean on me
    as long as you like--
[16:03] ---
    Kaguya!
[16:07] ---
    K-Kaguya?
[16:09] ---
    Is it your stomach?
    Is your stomach acting up on you?
[16:15] ---
    This was the result
    of fair and square fight.
[16:17] ---
    So, don't hold a grudge against me.
[16:19] ---
    Don't be ridiculous.
[16:20] ---
    If you hadn't interrupted me then, President,
[16:24] ---
    I wouldn't have been able to get out
    anything that I wanted to say.
[16:27] ---
    I can't thank you enough.
[16:30] ---
    But...
[16:32] ---
    ...that doesn't look like a grateful face.
[16:34] ---
    She's grateful, but frustrated, too.
[16:35] ---
    "HMPH..."
[16:38] ---
    Well, that aside,
[16:40] ---
    would you two be interested
    in joining the student council?
[16:45] ---
    If you still plan to run for president,
[16:48] ---
    it would be a good idea
    to get hands-on experience.
[16:50] ---
    So, if that's the case, then...
[16:52] ---
    Not for me.
[16:54] ---
    To be honest, I'm not interested
    in the student council.
[16:57] ---
    Really?
[16:58] ---
    I just wanted to support Miko.
[17:01] ---
    Of course, I won't insist or anything.
[17:05] ---
    How about you, Miko?
[17:08] ---
    Nobody has ever invited me
    to join the student council before.
[17:15] ---
    Please give me a little time to think about it.
[17:18] ---
    Okay.
[17:19] ---
    If you decide to do it,
    come to the student council room tomorrow.
[17:22] ---
    You'll be welcome there.
[17:28] ---
    By the way,
[17:29] ---
    you've got two people fidgeting behind you.
[17:33] ---
    Is something wrong?
[17:34] ---
    N-No. Um...
[17:35] ---
    "FIDGET FIDGET"
[17:37] ---
    We were wondering about the other positions.
[17:40] ---
    I mean...
[17:42] ---
    Uh...
[17:43] ---
    We're nervous
    that you won't choose us again.
[17:46] ---
    Since we both have
    dysfunctional personalities.
[17:49] ---
    "STRONG AGREEMENT!!"
[17:49] ---
    I agree!
[17:50] ---
    What on earth are you talking about,
    Secretary Fujiwara?
[17:54] ---
    You, too, Treasurer Ishigami.
[17:56] ---
    Our first job as the new student council...
[17:59] ---
    ...is putting away the chairs in the gym.
[18:05] ---
    Right!
[18:05] ---
    Right!
[18:13] ---
    Why hasn't President come to check on me?
[18:18] ---
    When he heard that I'd fainted,
[18:19] ---
    shouldn't he have dropped everything
    and come running to take care of me?
[18:22] ---
    Well, President's first job
    is cleaning up after the election.
[18:28] ---
    Maybe President doesn't intend to let me
    be a part of the student council!
[18:29] ---
    "TEARY-EYED..."
[18:32] ---
    I swear, your mental state
    holds sway over your physical condition.
[18:36] ---
    What are you so nervous about?
[18:38] ---
    After all, you know my personality.
[18:41] ---
    Maybe President realized I had a hand
    in the other candidate dropping out.
[18:47] ---
    And that I pestered several clubs
    into voting for him.
[18:51] ---
    He may even know that the members
    of the election committee are my puppets!
[18:53] ---
    "SOB SOB"
[18:55] ---
    You did all that?
[18:57] ---
    I mean, he only ran
    because I asked him to!
[19:01] ---
    I made up my mind to do everything
    I could to get him reelected.
[19:05] ---
    That's only logical, right?
[19:08] ---
    Well, if the end result
    of doing all of that stuff is paranoia,
[19:11] ---
    I don't know what to say.
[19:14] ---
    In the end, I'm just a horrible girl
    who relied on foul play.
[19:17] ---
    I can't blame him if he doesn't want me
    on the student council.
[19:20] ---
    But of course I can blame him!
    I can't stand it!
[19:23] ---
    In the first place, it's like he threw the votes
    we scrounged up out the window!
[19:27] ---
    It's as much as to say
    that he didn't care about all my hard work!
[19:31] ---
    Jeez!
[19:33] ---
    He's like a typical worthless husband whose
    wife works hard at a part-time job every night,
[19:36] ---
    but he just takes her money and uses it
    for drinking, gambling and prostitutes!
[19:39] ---
    And he calls me his wife?
[19:43] ---
    It's okay.
[19:44] ---
    He wouldn't have you do his speech
[19:46] ---
    if he didn't mean for you
    to be a part of the student council.
[19:48] ---
    Women like me get used all the time!
    Used up and then discarded! Beyond cruel!
[19:53] ---
    Anxious one second, furious the next.
[19:55] ---
    You're hopeless.
[19:56] ---
    I thought President liked me.
[20:01] ---
    I thought he was nice to me
    because I was special to him.
[20:04] ---
    But he's nice to everyone.
[20:08] ---
    He'll lend a helping aid to anyone.
[20:11] ---
    I was never special.
[20:18] ---
    If you have that much you want to say,
    go ahead and say it to the person himself.
[20:24] ---
    Shinomiya, how do you feel?
[20:27] ---
    Sorry.
[20:30] ---
    Cleaning up took a long time.
[20:38] ---
    Are you angry at me?
[20:41] ---
    I mean, after you guys helped me
    and then I acted on impulse...
[20:46] ---
    I feel bad about that.
[20:49] ---
    But I acted because of you
    and the others, Shinomiya.
[20:54] ---
    With you and them there,
    I felt like I couldn't just be a spectator.
[21:00] ---
    I can't do anything by myself.
[21:02] ---
    On the other hand, when you
    and the others are around,
[21:04] ---
    I feel like I can do anything.
[21:07] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:09] ---
    Be the vice president.
[21:11] ---
    I need you!
[21:26] ---
    All right!
[21:34] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[21:36] ---
    He gives you special treatment.
[21:54] ---
    Okay!
[21:56] ---
    "UNYIELDING DILIGENCE
    IN ONE'S STUDIES"
[21:56] ---
    The election business is behind us!
[21:59] ---
    Time to get back to work!
[22:03] ---
    We've got sports day, the school festival,
    and the school trip after New Year's!
[22:07] ---
    Our second term is going to be busy!
[22:08] ---
    So let's go all out
    as the new student council!
[22:10] ---
    Right!
[22:15] ---
    The result of this election...
[22:17] ---
    Shirogane's camp wins.
[22:21] ---
    Note.
[22:22] ---
    They gain a new member.

E7 - Kaguya Wants to Undress Him

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    "UNDERWEAR!!"
[00:01] ---
    Underwear!
[00:02] ---
    The fabric that conceals private parts
    is an unexplored region for the opposite sex.
[00:07] ---
    It's a sanctuary one rarely gets to see.
[00:11] ---
    Some people have an underwear fetish.
[00:14] ---
    Just the sight of this material
    is gratifying for them.
[00:25] ---
    Hey, Ishigami!
[00:26] ---
    Please save that kind of thing
    for when you get back home!
[00:29] ---
    What were you about to do, Ishigami?
[00:35] ---
    You've got the wrong idea!
[00:37] ---
    The P.E. teacher made me put stuff away
    after class, so I didn't have time to change.
[00:42] ---
    That makes sense.
[00:43] ---
    I'm sorry for suspecting you
    of doing something inappropriate.
[00:46] ---
    You should be.
[00:47] ---
    But...
[00:49] ---
    I see.
[00:51] ---
    "SMIRK SMIRK"
[00:51] ---
    So, you're a briefs man, Ishigami.
[00:54] ---
    Pervert.
[00:57] ---
    That comeback lacked bite!
[01:00] ---
    Weak tea!
[01:01] ---
    Where'd you put your usual
    verbal switchblade, huh?
[01:04] ---
    What's wrong with wearing briefs?
[01:07] ---
    I like how they keep me nice and snug!
[01:09] ---
    It's not like I'm mocking you,
[01:09] ---
    "SMIRK SMIRK"
[01:11] ---
    but if you want to be snug as a bug,
    boxer briefs would do you fine.
[01:14] ---
    Here we go! Another boxer supremacist!
[01:17] ---
    You girls think boxer briefs are sexy
    because they showcase a guy's rear end!
[01:21] ---
    But any dude who'd wear flimsy underpants
    to impress girls is a flimsy human being!
[01:26] ---
    "PERSONAL OPINION"
[01:29] ---
    Are you listening?
[01:30] ---
    All guys who wear boxer briefs are man whores!
[01:35] ---
    These underpants make them man whores!
[01:37] ---
    What's a "man whore"?
[01:39] ---
    Okay, Siri. Search "meaning of man whore."
[01:47] ---
    People who wear boxer briefs are...
[03:20] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO UNDRESS HIM"
[03:26] ---
    President is pretty popular with girls.
    It wouldn't be surprising
[03:30] ---
    if he had that kind of physical relationship
    with some of them, unbeknownst to me.
[03:35] ---
    I don't believe he's immoral like that...
[03:39] ---
    ...but I'd like to confirm it!
[03:45] ---
    I have to get a glance
    at President's underpants!
[03:49] ---
    If I spill tea on his slacks...
[03:55] ---
    I'm sorry!
[03:56] ---
    Take your slacks off.
    I'll dry them for you.
[04:00] ---
    Yay! I saw his underpants!
[04:03] ---
    I'm just a pervert!
[04:05] ---
    No, it's not like I have some prurient desire
    to see his underwear!
[04:10] ---
    Maybe I should just ask him outright.
[04:13] ---
    It seems like I'm perverted
    because I was trying to come up with a strategy.
[04:16] ---
    But apparently, people even exchange
    presents of underwear these days.
[04:20] ---
    If I ask him nonchalantly,
    he'll probably answer without blinking an eye.
[04:24] ---
    "BREWING TEA"
[04:25] ---
    Nonchalantly.
[04:27] ---
    Naturally.
[04:31] ---
    Have some tea.
[04:32] ---
    Thank you.
[04:34] ---
    What kind of tea do you like, President?
[04:38] ---
    Darjeeling or uva.
[04:40] ---
    I see. So you like refreshing things?
[04:43] ---
    Incidentally, what kind of underwear
    do you prefer?
[04:46] ---
    Oh, what kind of underwear?
[04:50] ---
    Well, let me think.
[04:52] ---
    Underwear that's too simple bores me.
[04:55] ---
    Something that's kind of colorful
    is more my style.
[05:00] ---
    Underwear?
[05:01] ---
    What is this about?
[05:05] ---
    I've heard of this.
[05:06] ---
    When a couple is especially close,
    the male requests particular panties!
[05:10] ---
    "REQUESTING PANTIES"
[05:10] ---
    Shirogane misinterpreted.
[05:13] ---
    What'll happen if I answer her?
    Would she wear them?
[05:16] ---
    Shinomiya, would you wear
    the lacy black panties I like?
[05:19] ---
    And then what? Would she tell me?
[05:23] ---
    I'm wearing your favorite pair today,
    President.
[05:27] ---
    No.
[05:29] ---
    I've got to think this through.
[05:31] ---
    The crux of the matter isn't
    whether I like black panties or not.
[05:35] ---
    It's making a request for panties
    that doesn't sound creepy!
[05:39] ---
    If I just blurt out here
    that I like black panties...
[05:42] ---
    How dirty.
[05:44] ---
    It's normal!
    Comparatively average and wholesome!
[05:47] ---
    In that case, I should choose something that's
    comfortable for women, with a lot of fabric!
[05:52] ---
    "NOT A CREEPY ANSWER!!"
[05:52] ---
    "WARM AND LOOSE"
[05:52] ---
    Panties like this!
[05:55] ---
    They're not sexy at all,
[05:56] ---
    but having Shinomiya wear any panties
    that I choose is hot!
[06:02] ---
    Good question.
[06:03] ---
    I don't know what they're called, but...
[06:05] ---
    ...they have a lot of material, are thin,
    and tight-fitting like pants.
[06:11] ---
    They have a lot of material, are thin,
    and tight-fitting like pants.
[06:15] ---
    Tight-fitting...
[06:20] ---
    "THEY'RE BOXER (PLAYBOY) BRIEFS!"
[06:20] ---
    They're boxer briefs!
[06:24] ---
    Hello.
[06:26] ---
    P-President is a man whore!
[06:31] ---
    Even though I had faith in him!
    How could he do this?
[06:33] ---
    No, Shinomiya!
[06:35] ---
    That was just a joke!
[06:37] ---
    The truth is I like black panties!
[06:44] ---
    J-Just when I thought
    he might be a decent person...
[06:48] ---
    Animal.
[06:50] ---
    I-It's not what you're thinking, lino!
[06:55] ---
    I-I'm not wearing black panties!
[06:58] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[06:59] ---
    So don't attack me!
[07:02] ---
    I would never attack you!
[07:05] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:07] ---
    "SHIROGANE (A BOXER MAN) LOSES"
[07:08] ---
    Shirogane loses.
SIGN    "He quit wearing briefs that very same day"
SIGN    "That'll be 2,592 yen, please"
[07:15] ---
    President, I'm sorry
    for my weird accusation the other day.
[07:17] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS
    TO MAKE HIM LET GO"
[07:19] ---
    There's no need to apologize again.
[07:22] ---
    I knew it had to be based
    on some misunderstanding.
[07:25] ---
    Don't let me off the hook that easily.
[07:28] ---
    You always seem so tired.
[07:32] ---
    So let me make it up to you.
[07:34] ---
    "FLASH"
[07:35] ---
    Please allow me to give you a hand massage.
[07:38] ---
    A massage?
[07:40] ---
    A hand massage!
[07:42] ---
    The World Health Organization
    defines it as a therapeutic method
[07:44] ---
    in which therapists stimulate
    acupuncture and reflex points.
[07:47] ---
    It has an effect on every part
    of the human body.
[07:51] ---
    However...
[07:52] ---
    Kaguya doesn't have his health in mind.
[07:55] ---
    A way to stop men from cheating?
[07:59] ---
    Whatever President does and whom
    he does it with, it wouldn't be cheating.
[08:04] ---
    But men instinctively want to have sex
    with multiple women.
[08:07] ---
    Se...
[08:08] ---
    "Scientifically speaking
    about hormones"
[08:08] ---
    Still, there are hormones
    that can suppress such desires.
[08:12] ---
    That's what I'm talking about!
[08:13] ---
    How do I get him to secrete that?
[08:15] ---
    Quite a bit is produced after having sex.
[08:17] ---
    Se...
[08:18] ---
    If the only way to keep him from having se...
    is by making him have se... What's the point?
[08:23] ---
    You should have "se" with him, Lady Kaguya.
[08:26] ---
    I most certainly will not!
    And don't imitate me!
[08:28] ---
    Anyway, I hate dirty stuff!
[08:31] ---
    Then, why don't you give him a massage?
[08:34] ---
    Physical contact encourages the secretion
    of prevent-men-from-cheating hormones,
[08:37] ---
    and a virtuous cycle is produced with more
    love hormones synthesized. In other words...
[08:42] ---
    ...positive feedback!
[08:44] ---
    "THE FORMATION OF LOVE"
[08:46] ---
    It's a clever plan that serves as an apology
    for her abusive language,
[08:48] ---
    keeps Shirogane from cheating,
    and even acquires his love.
[08:54] ---
    Is she plotting something?
[08:57] ---
    But...
[08:58] ---
    ...if I get to touch Shinomiya's hands...
[09:01] ---
    All right.
[09:09] ---
    "SQUEEZE"
[09:10] ---
    Her hands are so soft and small.
[09:17] ---
    This is...
[09:18] ---
    ...really...
[09:20] ---
    ...pain...
[09:22] ---
    painful!
[09:24] ---
    Are you trying to punch holes?
[09:27] ---
    "STAB"
[09:29] ---
    Huge amounts of stress hormones,
    such as beta-endorphins and cortisol,
[09:33] ---
    are being secreted in Shirogane's brain!
[09:35] ---
    His body is emitting danger signals!
    On the other hand...
[09:40] ---
    President has such big hands.
[09:43] ---
    And they're warm. I kind of feel...
[09:45] ---
    Large amounts of oxytocin and vasopressin
    are being secreted in Kaguya's brain.
[09:49] ---
    An endless stream of love
    gushes forth from her mind.
[09:53] ---
    What is this feeling?
[09:55] ---
    It feels so good,
    I wish this moment lasted forever.
[10:00] ---
    Get it over with already!
[10:02] ---
    I like this.
[10:06] ---
    Maybe most kids have given
    their parents a shoulder massage,
[10:10] ---
    but I've never had the chance
    to do anything like that, so...
[10:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[10:15] ---
    I see.
[10:16] ---
    She's never done anything as common as that.
[10:21] ---
    From now on, I'll help her learn various--
[10:25] ---
    She's killing me!
[10:29] ---
    It must've been some misunderstanding
    the other day.
[10:32] ---
    I can't believe those two are...
[10:37] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[10:41] ---
    I'll do your back next.
[10:42] ---
    No, no!
[10:42] ---
    Hello...
[10:44] ---
    I'll make you feel even better.
[10:46] ---
    Go on, take off your belt.
[10:48] ---
    W-Wait, Shinomiya!
[10:50] ---
    Don't be like that. Let me do it.
[10:51] ---
    No, if I feel any better
    than this, I'll die!
[10:57] ---
    Iino...
[10:58] ---
    In the sacred student council room...
[11:02] ---
    No... Animals!
[11:04] ---
    Would you like to join us, lino?
[11:07] ---
    I'm a novice, so...
[11:10] ---
    I would only get in your way!
[11:15] ---
    Today's battle result...
[11:17] ---
    "SHIROGANE WINS
    (HIS SHOULDERS ARE MUCH LOOSER NOW)"
[11:17] ---
    Shirogane wins.
SIGN    "SPIN SPIN" "It was painful, but she definitely has talent"
[11:22] ---
    My shoulders feel light...
[11:28] ---
    What's wrong, Kei?
[11:29] ---
    Did something happen at school?
[11:31] ---
    No!
[11:32] ---
    I can't stop crying over this manga!
[11:34] ---
    "I'LL GO WITH SWEET TODAY"
[11:36] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO MAKE HER READ"
[11:36] ---
    Oh, just manga.
[11:39] ---
    Instead of looking down on me,
    you should read it for yourself!
[11:41] ---
    Bet you anything you'll cry, too!
[11:42] ---
    Yeah, right.
[11:44] ---
    I'm a second-year high school student.
    As if I'd cry over manga...
[11:51] ---
    There, you see? It's a real tearjerker!
[11:53] ---
    Dummy! I can't turn off the waterworks!
[11:55] ---
    It makes you want to fall in love, right?
[11:57] ---
    I totally want to fall in love!
[12:05] ---
    That made me want to be in love so much
[12:08] ---
    that I might slip up and confess
    my feelings to Shinomiya tomorrow!
[12:10] ---
    That's it!
[12:12] ---
    Throb! I want to fall in love, too!
[12:15] ---
    Go out with me, President!
    Let's have a shojo manga-like romance!
[12:20] ---
    It'll work!
[12:26] ---
    You read this kind of stuff, too, President?
[12:28] ---
    Yeah.
[12:30] ---
    I read it on my little sister's
    recommendation,
[12:32] ---
    and it was so moving that it made me cry.
[12:36] ---
    Well, I read my share of manga,
[12:39] ---
    so I can usually predict the plot twists.
[12:41] ---
    It's so boring when I realize
    they're setting up a weepy scene.
[12:45] ---
    Here we go. The tearful development.
[12:47] ---
    Cheap trick.
[12:49] ---
    This leaves me cold.
    They're practically begging you to cry.
[12:56] ---
    Obvious...
[12:59] ---
    "DRIP DRIP"
[12:59] ---
    Even though it's so obvious,
[13:01] ---
    they got me!
[13:03] ---
    There, you see? It's a tearjerker!
[13:05] ---
    I can't stop crying!
[13:06] ---
    It makes you want to fall in love, right?
[13:08] ---
    I wanna fall hopelessly in love!
[13:11] ---
    But where can I find someone?
[13:14] ---
    I smelled love talk coming from here!
[13:16] ---
    "GLANCE GLANCE"
[13:17] ---
    Who is it? Who is it?
    Who's in the throes of love?
[13:19] ---
    No one is.
[13:21] ---
    We were just talking about this manga.
[13:22] ---
    "Go Sweet"!
[13:25] ---
    Just looking at the cover
    gets me teary-eyed!
[13:27] ---
    Isn't it great?
[13:29] ---
    I'm so into it that I bought a digital copy
    of the whole series!
[13:32] ---
    Maybe I'll get the whole series, too.
[13:35] ---
    Is it that interesting?
[13:37] ---
    It's one of the best series I've ever read!
[13:40] ---
    Well, if we're just going
    by the tearjerker element,
[13:43] ---
    I have to admit
    it's one of the best I've read in years.
[13:47] ---
    Ishigami, do I know you?
[13:49] ---
    You could call me "a manga columnist."
[13:52] ---
    She took the bait! Just as planned!
[13:55] ---
    The recommendation solicitation plan!
[13:57] ---
    It's embarrassing for a boy
    to admit he reads shojo manga.
[14:01] ---
    But if everyone recommends it,
[14:03] ---
    eventually word of mouth
    will reach the target, Kaguya.
[14:06] ---
    With this roundabout strategy,
    he can maintain his position
[14:08] ---
    of "Yeah, it's not bad"
    and "I figured you guys would like this,"
[14:11] ---
    while getting Kaguya to read this manga
[14:13] ---
    that tugs on the heartstrings.
[14:15] ---
    You should read it, too, Kaguya!
[14:20] ---
    No, thanks anyway.
[14:22] ---
    I'm not into manga.
[14:26] ---
    Shinomiya, consider it as studying.
[14:28] ---
    I don't think reading one manga series
    in your life would be a bad idea.
[14:30] ---
    Exactly!
[14:33] ---
    What's the story about?
[14:38] ---
    The main character is a girl
    who doesn't trust anyone.
[14:39] ---
    "I can't trust anyone anymore"
[14:41] ---
    Then, a boy with a nasty mouth
    transfers to her school.
[14:43] ---
    "Hey, let me carry that bag for you"
[14:45] ---
    But it turns out the boy has a terminal
    illness, and he dies near the end!
[14:49] ---
    Don't blab!
[14:51] ---
    You never blurt out spoilers like that!
[14:54] ---
    Silence this spoiler girl!
[14:55] ---
    I'm sorry! It just slipped out!
[14:56] ---
    Roger!
[14:58] ---
    Pipe down!
[14:59] ---
    Not another word!
[15:02] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[15:07] ---
    It doesn't sound
    the least bit interesting to me.
[15:09] ---
    Well, with this kind of thing,
    it's how the story builds up.
[15:13] ---
    An anorexic girl who doesn't trust anyone...
[15:17] ---
    ...makes friends for the first time
    and experiences human warmth.
[15:22] ---
    That's right!
    Near the beginning!
[15:23] ---
    Ever since her parents
    tried to poison her,
[15:26] ---
    all she eats is canned food.
[15:28] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
    In the middle.
[15:30] ---
    Those flashback scenes with her surviving on
    crackers and diet supplements are heartbreaking!
[15:35] ---
    But the curry her boyfriend makes for her
    right before he dies...
[15:38] ---
    Timidly, she takes a bite.
[15:41] ---
    And then, she says...
[15:45] ---
    "It's sweet!"
[15:45] ---
    "It's sweet!"
[15:48] ---
    That last chapter had me bawling!
[15:51] ---
    Wasn't it great?
[15:52] ---
    It's not fair that the curry didn't appear
    until the very end!
[15:55] ---
    I know, right?
[15:56] ---
    "GROWL GROWL"
[15:57] ---
    "GROWL GROWL" "BANG"
[16:03] ---
    I have no idea what they're saying.
[16:06] ---
    Fujiwara!
[16:11] ---
    I came to rescue you.
[16:12] ---
    Today's battle result...
[16:14] ---
    Shirogane, Ishigami, and Fujiwara lose.
[16:17] ---
    This is what happens at the end?
[16:18] ---
    And Miko loses, too.
SIGN    "SNIFF SNIFF"
SIGN    "Aaah! I want to fall in love like this, too!"
[17:56] ---
    This is Shuchiin Academy,
    a prestigious educational institution.
[18:00] ---
    My name is Kaguya Shinomiya,
    and I'm an ordinary girl.
[18:04] ---
    I'm the vice president
    of the student council, but...
[18:09] ---
    Ow...
[18:10] ---
    Shinomiya...
[18:14] ---
    Are you hurt?
[18:18] ---
    I had a feeling you were about to show up,
[18:21] ---
    and sure enough...
[18:23] ---
    What does that mean?
[18:25] ---
    Pudding.
[18:26] ---
    A snack from the principal himself.
[18:28] ---
    Shall we enjoy it together?
[18:31] ---
    You have a weakness for pudding, don't you?
[18:36] ---
    My heart is beating so fast
    that I can't even look them in the eye!
[18:37] ---
    "CONFESSION"
[18:40] ---
    "KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR SYNDROME"
[18:43] ---
    The handsome and brilliant student council
    president had a crush on Kaguya,
[18:47] ---
    so he forced her
    to join the student council.
SIGN    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT"
SIGN    "Adored by the student body. Always cool and collected, but enigmatic."
[18:51] ---
    Both of the quirky and good-looking members
    are interested in Kaguya,
[18:55] ---
    but she's becoming
    more and more fond of President!
SIGN    "YU ISHIGAMI STUDENT COUNCIL TREASURER"
SIGN    "A computer geek with a supposedly dark past..."
[19:04] ---
    Kaguya uses all kinds
    of mischievous romantic techniques
[19:08] ---
    to get the boy she loves to ask her out!
[19:18] ---
    What should I do?
[19:20] ---
    President looks more handsome
    than ever today!
[19:23] ---
    In fact, so does Ishigami!
[19:27] ---
    This doesn't make sense!
[19:29] ---
    Shojo manga brain.
[19:31] ---
    A strange mood pervades the student council.
    And the cause is this shojo manga.
[19:34] ---
    "I'LL GO WITH SWEET TODAY"
[19:37] ---
    As a result,
[19:38] ---
    the longing to fall in love has clumped
    together in the student council room.
[19:41] ---
    It's an outbreak
    of shojo manga brain syndrome.
[19:44] ---
    Even the narrator has gone goofy!
[19:46] ---
    I have to do something
    to get things back to normal here!
[19:49] ---
    I've got it!
[19:51] ---
    Oh, there's an envelope in the box.
[19:56] ---
    A pair of tickets to an aquarium?
[19:58] ---
    Are they from the principal?
[20:01] ---
    I love aquariums!
[20:03] ---
    There are a lot of animals,
    and it's so romantic!
[20:06] ---
    But...
[20:08] ---
    There are only two tickets.
[20:13] ---
    I slipped them in there!
[20:15] ---
    I'm sure President wants to go with me.
[20:17] ---
    Certainly, two boys wouldn't go
    to the aquarium together.
[20:21] ---
    Ishigami is scared of me,
[20:24] ---
    Two tickets...
[20:25] ---
    so there's no way he'd want to go together.
[20:27] ---
    Then, shall we go together, Shinomiya?
[20:31] ---
    After you helped me study,
    I owe you a debt of gratitude.
[20:36] ---
    I know quite a bit about fish,
    so I could use this opportunity to teach you.
[20:40] ---
    My teaching techniques...
[20:42] ---
    ...are awesome.
[20:45] ---
    Thump!
[20:47] ---
    The first time he's looked me in the eyes,
    and it has to be now? It's not fair!
[20:51] ---
    Not so fast, Ishigami.
[20:53] ---
    Maybe fish are your specialty. However...
[20:58] ---
    ...no one knows more about penguins than me.
[20:59] ---
    Thump!
[21:00] ---
    You like penguins?
[21:02] ---
    Yeah.
[21:03] ---
    I go so often that I remember
    their keepers' names.
[21:09] ---
    I'll tell you the romance
    of these birds that cannot fly.
[21:13] ---
    From A to Z.
[21:15] ---
    Thump!
[21:16] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:19] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:21] ---
    Whom do you choose, me or Ishigami?
[21:27] ---
    Jeez...
[21:33] ---
    I'm drowning...
[21:35] ---
    ...in their feelings.
[21:37] ---
    Move it!
[21:39] ---
    I'm as strong as Yokozuna, right?
[21:41] ---
    I went to see sumo wrestling yesterday.
[21:43] ---
    You should've seen the upward strike!
[21:45] ---
    And when one guy was dancing
    around the ring, his opponent went whap!
[21:46] ---
    "WHAP"
[21:48] ---
    Sorry, I don't know anything
    about sumo.
[21:50] ---
    You should, it's great!
[21:52] ---
    Pudding!
[21:54] ---
    Can I have one? Can I?
[21:56] ---
    Go ahead.
[21:56] ---
    President hid the tickets.
[21:58] ---
    Because he doesn't want
    Miss Fujiwara to know about it?
[22:01] ---
    He hasn't given up on going
    to the aquarium with me yet.
[22:06] ---
    Jeez!
[22:07] ---
    If he does that,
    I'm going to get my hopes up!
[22:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[22:16] ---
    Your face is red.
[22:19] ---
    Do you feel under the weather?
[22:21] ---
    His face is too close!
[22:23] ---
    If you don't feel well,
    maybe you should go to the infirmary.
[22:25] ---
    Jeez! Why are you so nice to me today?
[22:29] ---
    Do you have a fever?
[22:32] ---
    I'll take her to the infirmary.
[22:35] ---
    Don't bother.
[22:36] ---
    Please stay here
    and eat your pudding, President.
[22:39] ---
    No, I'll go.
[22:40] ---
    No, I will.
[22:42] ---
    I will.
[22:43] ---
    I will.
[22:45] ---
    Stop it already!
[22:46] ---
    Your passion is even affecting me.
[22:50] ---
    I'm melting like the pudding.
[22:54] ---
    Urp!
[22:56] ---
    I'm done with the pudding,
    so I'll take you to the infirmary.
[22:59] ---
    No, I'm perfectly fine.
[23:01] ---
    Really?
[23:03] ---
    I don't have a fever.
[23:05] ---
    Let's go, Shinomiya.
[23:07] ---
    The school nurse doesn't charge.
[23:09] ---
    President!
[23:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[23:17] ---
    Wanna go to the aquarium?
[23:20] ---
    No. I don't have to go.
[23:25] ---
    After all...
[23:31] ---
    ...for me, this place is an aquarium.
[23:40] ---
    She turned me down?
[23:42] ---
    I don't really understand
    her reason for saying no!
[23:47] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:49] ---
    "REASON FOR LOSING:
    THIS IS AN AQUARIUM."
[23:49] ---
    Shirogane loses.
[23:52] ---
    "KAGUYA <3 AQUARIUM"
[23:53] ---
    I thought two men coming here
    together would just be sad,
[23:56] ---
    but it's actually pretty fun, huh?

E8 - Miko Iino Wants to Control Herself

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    The new student council convenes!
[01:32] ---
    "PRESIDENT"
[01:33] ---
    "VICE PRESIDENT"
[01:33] ---
    Former student council members
    are reprising their previous positions.
[01:34] ---
    "TREASURER" "ONLY HANDS"
[01:35] ---
    "SECRETARY"
[01:36] ---
    With the addition of Miko lino
    as the financial auditor,
[01:39] ---
    this newly-formed student council...
[01:40] ---
    "FINANCIAL AUDITOR"
[01:43] ---
    ...is a toxic environment.
[01:46] ---
    One blatantly breaks school regulations.
[01:48] ---
    Others commit unspeakable acts
    in the student council room!
[01:52] ---
    This is intolerable!
[01:53] ---
    Do you realize you're representatives
    of this academy?
[01:58] ---
    Please learn from Fujiwara's example!
[02:02] ---
    Fujiwara broke school rules, too.
[02:05] ---
    "Go Sweet"!
[02:07] ---
    Fujiwara is an artist, so it's different.
    It could help develop her artistic skill.
[02:09] ---
    "MIKO IINO WANTS
    TO CONTROL HERSELF"
[02:12] ---
    So, you make allowances for her?
[02:14] ---
    Besides...
[02:15] ---
    President is the one
    who brought the manga in!
[02:17] ---
    Instead of setting a good example
    for everyone, you're undisciplined!
[02:20] ---
    Do better!
[02:23] ---
    Iino, a moment?
[02:26] ---
    Being a first-year newcomer here,
    you may not understand,
[02:29] ---
    but President's conduct
    always sets a good example for us.
[02:33] ---
    I don't accept your assessment.
[02:35] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[02:35] ---
    Does a "good example" engage in that kind
    of behavior in the student council room?
[02:39] ---
    I'd call that nothing less
    than an extreme lack of common sense.
[02:42] ---
    That was a misunderstanding.
[02:44] ---
    No matter how much
    you two like each other,
[02:46] ---
    choose a more appropriate
    time and place to display it!
[02:48] ---
    We like each other?
[02:50] ---
    I-Is that what it looks like?
[02:53] ---
    Yes, it does!
    You're taking your love too far!
[02:56] ---
    Taking our love too far...
[02:57] ---
    She really is a good girl!
[02:59] ---
    In any case, the next time someone
    misbehaves, I'll use my authority
[03:02] ---
    as a member of the Disciplinary Committee
    to crack down on you, no questions asked!
[03:06] ---
    Iino, do you realize
    you only make enemies that way?
[03:10] ---
    I don't care if you're a stickler for the rules.
[03:13] ---
    But what you don't get is the people
    you're cracking down on have feelings, too.
[03:17] ---
    Not bothering to consider
    their feelings or even listen to--
[03:19] ---
    Shut up. I don't want to hear it
    from you, Ishigami.
[03:23] ---
    But if people who are scolded feel like they're
    not being heard, they won't listen, either.
[03:28] ---
    If you don't consider their feelings...
[03:31] ---
    Yes. You're right.
[03:34] ---
    I was saying the same thing.
[03:37] ---
    Sometimes strict.
[03:39] ---
    Sometimes soft.
[03:41] ---
    It's important to have a balance
    when you're reprimanding people.
[03:44] ---
    I see.
[03:45] ---
    Okay, Miko!
[03:46] ---
    To practice being nice, you can't get angry
    for the next hour no matter what!
[03:51] ---
    I can't get angry?
[03:53] ---
    That's right! Do your best to grin
    and bear it! We'll practice together!
[03:53] ---
    She's already started playing
    with her junior classmate.
[03:56] ---
    That's the face of someone
    who's just been given a new toy.
[03:57] ---
    "GRIN"
[03:59] ---
    If you insist, Fujiwara... All right.
[04:03] ---
    Okay, Ishigami!
[04:05] ---
    She won't get mad at anyone,
    so you're free to do as you please!
[04:08] ---
    As I please?
[04:10] ---
    I don't know what you mean.
[04:16] ---
    Free to do as I please
    is no different than usual.
[04:19] ---
    Feet on the table...
[04:21] ---
    Miko, you can't get mad!
    Stay on an even keel!
[04:25] ---
    It looks like he's taking something out.
[04:27] ---
    "POTATO CHIPS"
[04:28] ---
    C-Cola and potato chips!
[04:33] ---
    Ishigami's feast has begun! He's doing
    as he pleases right from the get-go!
[04:41] ---
    Now he's playing a videogame!
[04:46] ---
    U-Unbelievable!
[04:48] ---
    He hooked it up to the TV!
[04:50] ---
    You can't get mad!
[04:52] ---
    This is a trial.
[04:53] ---
    It's only making me madder!
[04:56] ---
    In that case...
[04:58] ---
    ...maybe you should try
    breaking a school rule, Miko!
[05:03] ---
    We're allowed to use phones to make
    an important call or look something up,
[05:07] ---
    but we can't use apps or social media
    other than for studying, right?
[05:11] ---
    Yes.
[05:13] ---
    Hold on a second.
[05:16] ---
    Ta-da!
[05:17] ---
    Let's take pictures with all kinds of apps,
    decorate them and then post on Instagram!
[05:21] ---
    I-I've never done that before.
[05:26] ---
    Miko, unless you sample
    breaking the rules yourself,
[05:28] ---
    you'll never understand
    the feelings of rule-breakers!
[05:30] ---
    That's a must.
[05:33] ---
    If you insist, Fujiwara.
[05:35] ---
    Which one is President?
[05:36] ---
    The guy in the pointy green hat.
[05:41] ---
    That's so cute, Miko! Look this way!
[05:45] ---
    Tilt your head up and look over here!
[05:47] ---
    Super cute!
[05:49] ---
    You have no idea
    how cute you are, Miko!
[05:53] ---
    Throwing the shell in the air is no fair.
[05:55] ---
    It's a technique.
[05:57] ---
    Now, let's have a shot of all the girls!
[05:59] ---
    You, too, Kaguya!
[06:01] ---
    No, I'll pass.
[06:03] ---
    Don't be a stick-in-the-mud!
[06:07] ---
    Okay!
[06:08] ---
    Say cheese!
[06:13] ---
    Something's missing.
[06:15] ---
    I know! Let's make weird faces!
    The weirdest!
[06:19] ---
    A weird face?
[06:19] ---
    A weird face?
[06:21] ---
    I can't! Not with President watching!
[06:24] ---
    A banana!
[06:25] ---
    He isn't paying attention at all!
[06:28] ---
    Okay, here we go!
[06:34] ---
    "PUFF" "GLARE"
[06:35] ---
    That sucks. Are you two like models
    who are afraid to be anything but cute?
[06:38] ---
    A weird face is like...
[06:40] ---
    This! Now this is a weird face!
[06:42] ---
    "BLEAH"
[06:42] ---
    Nyaaah!
[06:42] ---
    Forget it!
[06:44] ---
    "SQUEEZE SQUEEZE"
[06:44] ---
    L-Like this?
[06:47] ---
    That's cute!
[06:48] ---
    It's cute?
[06:49] ---
    Certainly, if I look closely and squint,
    I can't say she's not cute.
[06:56] ---
    I'm aware that I'm unfamiliar
    with youth culture, but...
[06:59] ---
    Really? This kind of thing
    passes for cute these days?
[07:04] ---
    L-Like this?
[07:06] ---
    Cute!
[07:07] ---
    Is it really cute?
[07:08] ---
    Super cute!
[07:10] ---
    Really?
[07:11] ---
    It's like vying for second
    place of the cutest I've ever seen you!
[07:14] ---
    It looks that cute.
[07:16] ---
    Perfect! You both look so ugly
    that it's actually cute!
[07:17] ---
    If Miss Fujiwara is that insistent,
    I suppose I can believe her.
[07:20] ---
    I'm making this my wallpaper.
[07:24] ---
    President...
[07:32] ---
    Gross.
[07:35] ---
    Hey! Did you just call her gross?
[07:37] ---
    Wasn't that the reaction
    she was going for?
[07:39] ---
    Nobody wants that reaction!
[07:41] ---
    No, it's okay.
[07:43] ---
    To be honest,
    I was thinking the same thing.
[07:47] ---
    Now it's your turn!
[07:50] ---
    Give me your weirdest faces.
[07:53] ---
    Why would we have to do it?
[08:04] ---
    Um, Fujiwara...
[08:07] ---
    The photos you took...
[08:09] ---
    Of course, I'll send them to you, too, Miko!
[08:15] ---
    "SMIRK"
[08:15] ---
    Even though it's breaking school rules...
[08:16] ---
    "GROAN GROAN"
[08:18] ---
    Today's battle result...
[08:19] ---
    "(MIKO'S AUTHORITATIVE VOICE POWER
    HAS DROPPED 5 POINTS)"
[08:20] ---
    Fujiwara wins.
[08:22] ---
    Cute!
[08:23] ---
    Why?
[08:26] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[08:33] ---
    They finally realized that.
[08:36] ---
    "3 HOURS EARLIER"
[08:38] ---
    That day, the two of them
    went to the sports equipment warehouse...
[08:39] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T SCARE EASILY"
[08:42] ---
    ...to inspect the equipment
    for the sports festival.
[08:46] ---
    This tug-of-war rope is pretty frayed.
[08:50] ---
    Apparently, they've been using
    the same one for 20 years.
[08:52] ---
    Well, it'll make it through 21 years.
[08:55] ---
    Never mind the equipment.
    They should do something about this warehouse.
[08:59] ---
    No windows, the door sticks...
[09:02] ---
    Imagine getting trapped in here.
[09:06] ---
    Probably, no one would hear us
    if we called for help.
[09:16] ---
    "NO ENTRY TO UNAUTHORIZED STUDENTS"
[09:16] ---
    Did they get locked in
    because the building is so decrepit?
[09:19] ---
    Or did someone accidentally lock the door?
[09:22] ---
    Either way,
[09:23] ---
    a circumstance like this, in which a couple
    gets trapped in a sealed room together,
[09:26] ---
    calls for a title...
[09:27] ---
    "The Incident in the Sports
    Equipment Warehouse"!
[09:36] ---
    It won't open.
[09:37] ---
    It seems we're trapped in here.
[09:40] ---
    Hey! Is anybody out there?
[09:43] ---
    "RIFLE AMMUNITION BOX"
[09:44] ---
    The word is that this was used
    during the war
[09:46] ---
    as an ammunition depot
    and then, a solitary confinement cell.
[09:49] ---
    So I'm sure it's sealed up tight.
[09:51] ---
    I doubt anyone can hear us.
[09:54] ---
    Seriously?
[09:56] ---
    Shinomiya, do you have
    your phone with you?
[09:58] ---
    Unfortunately, I left it
    in the student council room.
[10:01] ---
    Same.
[10:02] ---
    A warehouse that's almost never used...
[10:04] ---
    And no way to call for help...
[10:07] ---
    Wh-What should we do, President?
[10:10] ---
    We're doomed!
[10:11] ---
    There's no food or water in here!
[10:14] ---
    Dammit!
[10:15] ---
    President!
[10:18] ---
    Boo-hoo!
[10:20] ---
    As if!
[10:21] ---
    I'm sure she engineered the whole thing.
[10:24] ---
    I mean, there's no way
    this could happen in real life.
[10:27] ---
    And I can tell those are crocodile tears.
[10:29] ---
    I bet she's going
    for the suspension bridge effect.
[10:29] ---
    "When the anxiety of a crisis gets mixed up
    with the excitement of being in love"
[10:34] ---
    But I'll pretend that I fell for it
    and act all nervous.
[10:38] ---
    Oh, what a disaster!
[10:40] ---
    Boo-hoo-hoo!
[10:43] ---
    How cute, President.
[10:46] ---
    Pulling an obvious ploy like this.
[10:49] ---
    There's no way the door would just lock
    right after we talked about it.
[10:50] ---
    Oh no! What do I do?
[10:53] ---
    Your methods are too simple.
[10:54] ---
    But it's unusual for you
    to be so assertive, President.
[10:58] ---
    I see. I see.
[11:00] ---
    You mean to use the suspension bridge effect
    to move our relationship along.
[11:00] ---
    "When the anxiety of a crisis gets mixed up
    with the excitement of being in love"
[11:06] ---
    A pretty shallow way
    to do it, though, President.
[11:08] ---
    But I'll do you a favor
    and play along with your scheme this time.
[11:13] ---
    President, I'm scared!
[11:15] ---
    Dammit! What's going to become of us?
[11:20] ---
    Why won't it open?
[11:24] ---
    Is anyone out there?
[11:26] ---
    They're both behaving
    as if they're in serious trouble.
[11:29] ---
    However, they actually are in serious trouble!
[11:32] ---
    Both of them assume their predicament
    is a trap set by the other,
[11:32] ---
    Somebody!
[11:34] ---
    so neither is aware
    of the seriousness of the situation.
[11:34] ---
    Anybody!
[11:37] ---
    In fact, they're both excited
    about the opportunities provided by the trap!
[11:38] ---
    Anybody! Hey!
[11:50] ---
    President, we're not going to be saved.
[11:58] ---
    It'll be all right. I'm here.
[12:00] ---
    President...
[12:04] ---
    Taking advantage of the situation
    by grabbing my sleeve so adorably...
[12:05] ---
    "HEH HEH"
[12:08] ---
    What an actress!
[12:09] ---
    "GRIN GRIN"
[12:09] ---
    You touched me! You touched me!
[12:11] ---
    Right at the critical moment, you touched
    a young lady's soft fair skin, President!
[12:16] ---
    The sun has begun to set.
[12:19] ---
    Still, he's really dragging this out.
[12:22] ---
    He must be prepared for the long haul.
[12:24] ---
    But then, President...
[12:26] ---
    I suspect that ultimately, Shinomiya...
[12:30] ---
    ...means to do this!
[12:30] ---
    "SMOOCH"
[12:32] ---
    "RUSTLE"
[12:32] ---
    ...is aiming for that!
[12:34] ---
    It's a cowardly plan that means
    to pressure a girl
[12:37] ---
    when she's in a psychologically
    weakened state!
[12:39] ---
    I definitely won't fall for it!
[12:42] ---
    But...
[12:43] ---
    Well...
[12:44] ---
    Just for reference, I'll stick around
    to see what kind of move he'll put on me.
[12:44] ---
    "HMPH"
[12:48] ---
    The truth is, neither of them
    tried to trick the other. However...
[12:51] ---
    "THUMP THUMP"
[12:51] ---
    ...they're both convinced
[12:53] ---
    that the other is passionately putting
    the moves on like never before,
[12:56] ---
    and they can't hide their excitement!
[12:59] ---
    That excitement leads to purposeful action!
[12:59] ---
    "WARM ME UP"
[13:01] ---
    Is it nighttime by now?
[13:04] ---
    It's starting to get chilly.
[13:07] ---
    She's more brazen than I would've imagined!
[13:11] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:13] ---
    "WHUMP"
[13:14] ---
    "THUMP"
[13:14] ---
    S-Suddenly?
[13:16] ---
    I thought there would be more of a lead-in!
[13:19] ---
    So, this is what you want, too, huh?
[13:21] ---
    That's what President wants!
[13:24] ---
    Is that what she expects?
[13:26] ---
    I don't intend to...
[13:27] ---
    I don't mean to...
[13:32] ---
    Look out!
[13:40] ---
    I'm scared.
[13:41] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[13:45] ---
    Kaguya finally realized that.
[13:48] ---
    I'm scared, but...
[13:51] ---
    What would happen if I closed my eyes right now?
[14:13] ---
    Kisses don't only happen in fairy tales.
[14:18] ---
    Shirogane finally realized that.
[14:29] ---
    How long does it take to check equipment--
[14:37] ---
    Iino!
[14:39] ---
    Thank you!
[14:41] ---
    I was so scared!
[14:45] ---
    S-Scumbag!
[14:47] ---
    Dammit! I can't say
    it was a misunderstanding this time!
[14:51] ---
    Today's battle result...
[14:52] ---
    They both lose by a narrow margin.
[14:56] ---
    This got stuck in the door.
[14:57] ---
    The whole thing bites!
[14:59] ---
    I wanna die!
[15:11] ---
    Take a look at this!
[15:13] ---
    What is it?
[15:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[15:17] ---
    You've got lint in your hair.
[15:20] ---
    Where?
[15:24] ---
    Right here.
[15:31] ---
    Oh, so I did.
[15:33] ---
    How silly am I for not noticing?
[15:36] ---
    Recently...
[15:38] ---
    I've kind of been...
[15:40] ---
    feeling...
[15:44] ---
    Shinomiya?
[15:45] ---
    Shinomiya!
[15:46] ---
    My chest...
[15:48] ---
    Ishigami, call for an ambulance!
[15:50] ---
    I already am!
[15:51] ---
    Iino, get the school nurse!
[15:52] ---
    O-Okay!
[15:59] ---
    Kaguya didn't have
    a very strong constitution to begin with.
[16:05] ---
    She gets sick every time the seasons change,
    and she has to take time off.
[16:09] ---
    I believe her mother passed away
    from heart disease.
[16:13] ---
    Shinomiya...
[16:21] ---
    "DR. SHOZO TANUMA"
SIGN    "CHAPTER 79 KAGUYA WANTS TO BE EXAMINED"
[16:24] ---
    Dr. Tanuma is making the rounds.
[16:31] ---
    Shozo Tanuma.
[16:33] ---
    Considered to be
    one of the world's top ten doctors,
[16:36] ---
    he's a master cardiologist
    and the world's leading expert
[16:39] ---
    on pediatric cardiac bypass surgery.
[16:41] ---
    The man who even performed
    heart surgery on the prime minister
[16:45] ---
    is also the Shinomiyas' family doctor.
[16:48] ---
    Professor...
[16:52] ---
    What? The Shinomiya girl?
[16:55] ---
    I'll go see her.
[16:57] ---
    But you have
    the prefectural governor's party.
[17:00] ---
    I don't care.
[17:02] ---
    Shozo Tanuma recalls a scene from the past.
[17:09] ---
    A girl who didn't look forward to anything.
    Her eyes were as cold as ice.
[17:16] ---
    And...
[17:18] ---
    What goes around comes around.
[17:24] ---
    Is it arrhythmia?
[17:27] ---
    Suddenly, my heart started beating fast,
[17:30] ---
    and then, I had chest pain so bad
    that I thought I was going to die.
[17:35] ---
    Is it some disease?
[17:40] ---
    Going by what you've told me,
    I have a pretty good idea what it is.
[17:45] ---
    Miss Shinomiya, please don't panic.
    Just listen to what I have to say.
[17:49] ---
    All right.
[17:51] ---
    I believe you're suffering from lovesickness.
[17:58] ---
    Is that the name of some heart disease?
[18:03] ---
    No, it refers to the emotion you feel
    when you're in love.
[18:07] ---
    I guess even doctors make jokes.
[18:10] ---
    I'm not joking.
[18:12] ---
    Then, what?
[18:13] ---
    Are you saying I collapsed and was taken here
    by ambulance because I'm in love?
[18:17] ---
    Yes. I was a bit disturbed, too,
    as this is a first for me.
[18:20] ---
    Please don't be ridiculous!
[18:22] ---
    Someone may well be in love with me,
[18:24] ---
    but you can rest assured that I'd never do
    anything as idiotic as fall in love!
[18:27] ---
    She's a bit of a contrarian.
[18:28] ---
    Just how did you arrive at that diagnosis?
[18:29] ---
    The kids call it "tsundere" these days.
[18:32] ---
    Are you saying that is also a disease?
[18:35] ---
    Let's review your symptoms.
[18:37] ---
    When you think about a specific person
    during school activities,
[18:40] ---
    your heart starts beating fast.
[18:42] ---
    Yes, that's right!
[18:43] ---
    And today, when he removed a piece of lint
    from your hair, his hand brushed your cheek,
[18:44] ---
    "47 CUTS BEFORE"
[18:49] ---
    and just then you felt a pulsating pain
    in your chest and became short of breath.
[18:54] ---
    Yes, I know what I said!
[18:58] ---
    That...
[19:00] ---
    ...is love.
[19:01] ---
    And I said you're wrong! Jeez!
[19:02] ---
    "JEEZ"
[19:03] ---
    It has to be a heart disease!
[19:05] ---
    This has never happened to me before!
[19:07] ---
    Then, it's your first love.
[19:09] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[19:10] ---
    "GROAN GROAN"
[19:10] ---
    I'll be waiting outside,
    so please call me when you're done.
[19:14] ---
    Hayasaka?
[19:14] ---
    "AAAH"
[19:15] ---
    I use this hospital, too, but I'll never
    be able to show my face here again.
[19:19] ---
    This is the worst.
[19:20] ---
    Wh-What's wrong with you?
[19:22] ---
    Anyway, please give me a proper examination!
[19:29] ---
    This is our newest medical testing device.
[19:33] ---
    As it's state-of-the-art medical technology,
    the fee is rather steep,
[19:37] ---
    but do you wish to proceed?
[19:38] ---
    Compared to my life,
    I'm sure the cost will be cheap!
[19:41] ---
    The measurements are done.
[19:43] ---
    And?
[19:44] ---
    She has a beautiful, healthy heart.
[19:46] ---
    That can't be!
[19:48] ---
    There must be one or two holes in it!
[19:48] ---
    "FISSS"
[19:50] ---
    If there were, you'd probably be dead by now.
[19:52] ---
    Then, what?
[19:54] ---
    Being in love is enough to make you topple over
    when someone touches your cheek?
[19:57] ---
    I admit it made me feel somewhat pleased,
    but to then hit the floor,
[20:01] ---
    I would have to love President to death!
[20:04] ---
    Incidentally, do you have a photo of him?
[20:07] ---
    I do, as a matter of fact. Hayasaka...
[20:10] ---
    Quit doing that and bring my phone over!
[20:17] ---
    You don't have a normal photo of him?
[20:19] ---
    But...
[20:21] ---
    ...he seems to be an interesting boy.
    A good match for you.
[20:25] ---
    A good match...
[20:27] ---
    Do you not wish to date this fellow?
[20:30] ---
    Honestly, it's not like that!
[20:33] ---
    I just think President
    is an ideal human being, that's all.
[20:38] ---
    When you say
    he's a "good match,"
[20:40] ---
    that does nothing for me.
[20:42] ---
    Her pulse is over 200.
[20:44] ---
    It's beating like a jackhammer.
[20:45] ---
    Stop it! Stop using the latest technology
    to expose my mistress's emotions!
[20:51] ---
    Have you noticed any changes
    in her state of mind recently?
[20:56] ---
    The other day, she nearly kissed him.
[21:00] ---
    Since then, it's been at the front of her mind!
[21:03] ---
    So, that's what it is.
[21:04] ---
    Hey, Hayasaka!
    That has nothing to do with this!
[21:07] ---
    It has everything to do with it!
[21:08] ---
    That was genuine terror!
[21:10] ---
    When he was on top of me,
[21:12] ---
    my mind went blank,
[21:14] ---
    and I didn't know
    what to do, is all!
[21:17] ---
    I'm not self-conscious around him,
    I'm afraid of him!
[21:27] ---
    I know how you feel.
[21:29] ---
    Back in the day, I fell in love, too.
[21:32] ---
    Well, of course,
    I haven't outgrown that, but...
[21:35] ---
    I don't want to hear about that!
[21:38] ---
    That doctor is a quack!
[21:40] ---
    How could you say that
    about one of the world's top doctors?
[21:42] ---
    I'm going to get a second opinion!
    At another hospital!
[21:48] ---
    Please, don't humiliate me anymore.
[21:53] ---
    Today's battle result...
[21:55] ---
    Hayasaka loses.
[21:59] ---
    Kaguya!
[22:01] ---
    Thank goodness you're okay!
[22:02] ---
    Shinomiya, are you all right?
[22:04] ---
    Yes, I'm fine.
[22:05] ---
    You have a bad heart?
[22:07] ---
    No, I'm told it's beautiful and healthy.
[22:11] ---
    Then, there's another problem?
[22:13] ---
    Have you made a complete recovery?
[22:14] ---
    She has not.
[22:15] ---
    What caused it?
[22:15] ---
    This.
[22:17] ---
    Jeez!
[22:20] ---
    It's all your fault!
[22:22] ---
    But Kaguya couldn't tell him that.
[22:26] ---
    "Nayotake, your daughter is doing fine"

E9 - Yu Ishigami Closes His Eyes, Part 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    The fifth member of the Shuchiin Academy
    Student Council is...
[00:02] ---
    Financial Auditor Miko lino!
[00:05] ---
    It's been only a few days since she joined
    the student council, and already...
[00:05] ---
    "DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE"
[00:09] ---
    Listen.
[00:10] ---
    I want to resign from the student council.
[00:12] ---
    ...she wants to quit!
[01:47] ---
    "YU ISHIGAMI
    CLOSES HIS EYES, PART 2"
[01:49] ---
    But you finally got to join the student
    council. Why would you resign now?
[01:53] ---
    Certainly, I've always wanted to join.
[01:56] ---
    I was thrilled when I got appointed!
[01:59] ---
    But...
[02:00] ---
    ...the student council I wanted to serve on...
[02:03] ---
    The student council I wanted to serve on...
[02:08] ---
    This is the story of a short
    high school girl with high ideals.
[02:12] ---
    It is the record of a student council member
[02:14] ---
    who stays true to herself
    despite being rejected over and over...
[02:16] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL WARS"
[02:18] ---
    A girl who tries to create
    a new student council!
[02:22] ---
    You bumbling idiot!
[02:24] ---
    Can't you even handle a simple task?
[02:27] ---
    This student council is no place for losers!
[02:31] ---
    A merciless meritocracy!
[02:33] ---
    Illicit intimate relations?
[02:35] ---
    We'll expel them all.
[02:38] ---
    That's the best way.
[02:39] ---
    We have to get rid of the rotten apples
    as soon as possible.
[02:42] ---
    A group of stone-cold realists.
[02:46] ---
    Please, wait!
[02:48] ---
    Those young people have made a mistake!
[02:50] ---
    Expelling them for one error is going too far!
[02:53] ---
    Controlling the students through draconian
    punishments is like a reign of terror!
[02:56] ---
    Is that the kind of student council you want?
[03:00] ---
    Cheap emotions have no place
    in this student council.
[03:04] ---
    They serve no useful purpose.
[03:06] ---
    The student council
    is for the benefit of the elite.
[03:09] ---
    That is what we are.
[03:11] ---
    If you object, if you don't like it,
    if you can't stand that...
[03:15] ---
    ...then get out!
[03:19] ---
    Why? Why don't they understand?
[03:22] ---
    At this rate, the student council
    and the academy will both fall to ruin!
[03:26] ---
    But her...
[03:28] ---
    I'm sure the kind, pure
    and angelic Fujiwara will understand.
[03:34] ---
    Kaguya is my friend.
[03:38] ---
    I want to shoulder
    the burden of her sin with her.
[03:42] ---
    A weeping angel.
[03:45] ---
    There's something only you can do, right?
[03:49] ---
    That's what you should do.
[03:54] ---
    She was given something.
[03:56] ---
    That was hope.
[04:01] ---
    Every student in the school signed this!
[04:04] ---
    They all want the punishments revoked!
[04:06] ---
    That's not a smart way
    of going about things. But--
[04:09] ---
    This is how I do things!
[04:14] ---
    I see.
[04:16] ---
    She's a breath of fresh air.
[04:18] ---
    Maybe this is just what we needed.
[04:22] ---
    Thus, the student council
    would slowly begin to transform.
[04:27] ---
    And it all started with her.
[04:31] ---
    Like that!
[04:32] ---
    "BE RIGHTEOUS AND SINCERE"
[04:33] ---
    Your imagination
    really runs wild, doesn't it?
[04:35] ---
    You should also add Ishigami
    to your scenario.
[04:38] ---
    I don't want to waste a moment of my life
    thinking about Ishigami.
[04:41] ---
    Poor Ishigami...
[04:43] ---
    I was so excited
    when I joined the student council.
[04:46] ---
    But the reality is...
[04:48] ---
    President is a man whore!
[04:48] ---
    I like black panties!
[04:50] ---
    I'll make you feel even better.
[04:51] ---
    If I feel any better than this, I'll die!
[04:52] ---
    Not another word!
SIGN    "NEXT: CHAPTER 128 THE TRUTH ABOUT THE STUDENT COUNCIL"
[04:53] ---
    They're all lechers!
[04:56] ---
    At this rate, it's only a matter of time
    before I fall into their clutches.
[05:00] ---
    But it took so long for me
    to get on to the student council.
[05:03] ---
    If I leave now, I'll feel like a quitter!
[05:07] ---
    You take everything so seriously.
[05:09] ---
    You could just choose to stick with it
    and enjoy the student council lifestyle.
[05:13] ---
    That makes no sense!
[05:16] ---
    It doesn't? Personally, I find
    what you're describing pretty appealing.
[05:19] ---
    I don't care about your warped interests!
[05:22] ---
    The kind of love I want isn't tainted by lust!
[05:32] ---
    Junior high was the worst time of my life.
    Everyone shunned me.
[05:37] ---
    But someone anonymously tried
    to cheer me up.
[05:37] ---
    "One day, your efforts will bear fruit"
[05:40] ---
    It was pure generosity
    that asked for nothing in return.
[05:46] ---
    That's what true love is all about!
[05:51] ---
    You're still in la-la land.
[05:53] ---
    This flower has given me
    the strength to carry on.
[05:56] ---
    Enough with that story.
    I've heard it at least ten times already.
[06:00] ---
    Anyway...
[06:01] ---
    I'm not like President who's lust incarnate!
[06:04] ---
    Miko is a highly imaginative dreamer.
[06:04] ---
    I'll never accept what he stands for!
    The very moment he became impure...
[06:07] ---
    Because of that,
    she often jumps to conclusions.
[06:11] ---
    My guess is she's mistaken
    about President Shirogane being lust incarnate.
[06:17] ---
    Okay.
[06:19] ---
    Let's analyze these stories of yours.
[06:22] ---
    The expression "man whore"...
[06:24] ---
    Can you really picture the vice president
    using a crude term like "man whore"?
[06:29] ---
    Well... Not really...
[06:33] ---
    Maybe she really said something
    like "brand sore" or "banned roar."
[06:34] ---
    "SWINE"
[06:36] ---
    That's exactly what I imagine!
[06:38] ---
    To begin with, the vice president
    would never let boys take advantage of her.
[06:43] ---
    And your perception of President
    as being lust incarnate must be mistaken.
[06:46] ---
    Wait... That means...
[06:53] ---
    President...
[06:55] ---
    Tell me...
[06:57] ---
    ...you're a filthy pig.
[07:00] ---
    Say you're crazy about black panties.
[07:06] ---
    I don't particularly like...
[07:08] ---
    Is that so?
[07:10] ---
    You refuse to obey me?
[07:12] ---
    I'm looking forward to seeing it.
[07:15] ---
    Your brand sore.
[07:17] ---
    The doubts about President
    being a "man whore" are cleared up.
[07:23] ---
    Kaguya, you're going too far.
[07:26] ---
    You dare defy me?
[07:28] ---
    Ishigami...
[07:29] ---
    President...
[07:30] ---
    Seal up this girl's mouth.
[07:33] ---
    "HUFF HUFF"
[07:35] ---
    The duct tape mystery is cleared up!
[07:37] ---
    "HUFF HUFF"
[07:37] ---
    How much longer do we have to do this?
[07:39] ---
    To be honest, it's getting me excited.
[07:40] ---
    I think you two need to be taped, too.
[07:43] ---
    "ISHIGAMI"
[07:45] ---
    President...
[07:46] ---
    What do you suppose lino would think
    if she saw you like this?
[07:50] ---
    Stop it!
[07:51] ---
    Please let go of me!
[07:55] ---
    Iino!
[07:57] ---
    I was so scared!
[07:59] ---
    S-Scumbag!
[08:01] ---
    Now the student council will be mine!
[08:04] ---
    Her suspicions about Shirogane
    pinning Kaguya down are cleared up.
[08:06] ---
    Say it! Tell me it feels good!
[08:09] ---
    Say it! Say it!
[08:11] ---
    I-It feels good!
[08:13] ---
    If I feel any better than this, I'll die!
[08:15] ---
    And so, everything is cleared up!
[08:17] ---
    How could I have
    so grossly misunderstood?
[08:19] ---
    President Shirogane
    didn't do anything wrong!
[08:22] ---
    Yep.
[08:24] ---
    It's Vice President Shinomiya
    who's evil incarnate!
[08:27] ---
    Huh?
[08:29] ---
    She used me, playing the victim card
    to take down President Shirogane!
[08:35] ---
    She won't get away with it!
[08:36] ---
    How did you come to this idea?
[08:38] ---
    I'm going to grill her about it!
[08:39] ---
    Miko!
[08:42] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[08:44] ---
    Oh, lino...
[08:47] ---
    Vice President Shinomiya, give it up!
[08:50] ---
    I've got the goods on you!
[08:53] ---
    What are you talking about?
[08:55] ---
    "ROAR"
[08:55] ---
    What do you think about President Shirogane?
[08:58] ---
    I really don't know what you're getting at.
[09:01] ---
    I'm asking you to tell me
    what you think of President Shirogane!
[09:05] ---
    What do I think of President?
[09:10] ---
    Why are you asking me that?
[09:16] ---
    When I don't even know the answer myself.
[09:25] ---
    Huh?
[09:27] ---
    I don't know what to think now!
[09:30] ---
    She's flustered after receiving
    an unexpectedly pure response.
[09:34] ---
    Today's battle result...
[09:36] ---
    Iino loses.
[09:41] ---
    "MIKO IINO"
[09:46] ---
    "KAGUYA WANTS TO TOUCH"
[09:46] ---
    Shinomiya has been acting strange ever since
    she collapsed and went to the hospital.
[09:54] ---
    Oh, Shinomiya...
[09:55] ---
    President...
[09:57] ---
    I've got something to do today,
[09:59] ---
    so I have to leave early.
[10:01] ---
    Okay.
[10:03] ---
    She takes off every time I get here
    and won't look me in the eye.
[10:08] ---
    It's like she's avoiding me.
[10:13] ---
    So, why did you run away from him?
[10:18] ---
    It's not like I wanted to run away! But...
[10:22] ---
    every time I look at his face, it reminds me of
    the incident in the sports equipment warehouse,
[10:25] ---
    and my head starts spinning!
[10:29] ---
    It's probably a brain disorder.
[10:31] ---
    What'll I do if I get a blood clot?
[10:33] ---
    First, it was heart disease,
    and now, you've got a brain disorder?
[10:37] ---
    I won't be surprised if you make
    an appointment with a neurosurgeon.
[10:40] ---
    I'd better come up with countermeasures.
[10:42] ---
    Do you have a better way?
[10:49] ---
    How about...
    We develop a calming ritual.
[10:52] ---
    Rituals!
[10:54] ---
    Professional athletes use rituals
    to control their emotions.
[10:58] ---
    Performing rituals resets their mental
    patterns. This enables them to remain calm.
[11:05] ---
    First, we have to decide on a ritual.
[11:09] ---
    Lady Kaguya, try moving around until you find
    a gesture that feels comfortable to you.
[11:11] ---
    "SHFF SHFF"
[11:14] ---
    A comfortable gesture?
[11:29] ---
    I keep thinking about the music,
    so I can't focus.
[11:33] ---
    It's to help you find your ritual.
[11:40] ---
    Maybe this?
[11:42] ---
    This feels comfortable.
[11:44] ---
    I see.
[11:45] ---
    Then, it's "caressing your left cheek
    with your right hand."
[11:49] ---
    That will be your calming ritual, Lady Kaguya.
[11:51] ---
    Now, you have to establish your ritual
[11:53] ---
    to hardwire it into your brain
    so you associate it with a state of relaxation.
[11:59] ---
    Keep touching your left cheek
    with your right hand whenever you feel relaxed.
[12:04] ---
    If you hardwire this association,
[12:06] ---
    you'll be able to calm yourself
    simply by touching your left cheek
[12:09] ---
    no matter how hard it is
    to handle President Shirogane.
[12:12] ---
    I see.
[12:14] ---
    Once you master this ritual,
    it will become a powerful weapon.
[12:18] ---
    Though, to be honest,
    I have no idea what you're battling.
[12:22] ---
    And so, in order to establish her ritual,
[12:26] ---
    Kaguya caresses her left cheek with her
    right hand whenever she feels relaxed.
[12:31] ---
    And a few days later...
[12:33] ---
    Look, here's your future hubby.
[12:37] ---
    There, touch your cheek.
[12:40] ---
    Impressive.
[12:41] ---
    You mastered your ritual in such a short time.
[12:44] ---
    It's been a while
    since I thought you were a genius.
[12:48] ---
    What do you mean, "It's been a while"?
[12:50] ---
    Even if you get into a near-kiss situation
    with President again,
[12:52] ---
    you can stay calm.
[12:57] ---
    Um...
[12:58] ---
    That...
[13:01] ---
    No problem.
[13:02] ---
    Try saying that without touching your cheek.
[13:08] ---
    I won't run away today!
[13:10] ---
    I have a calming ritual now!
[13:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[13:17] ---
    President...
[13:19] ---
    Use your calming ritual at critical moments.
[13:23] ---
    Critical moments...
[13:26] ---
    Shinomiya,
[13:28] ---
    "SHIROGANE'S HEART POWER"
[13:28] ---
    have you been
    avoiding me lately?
[13:29] ---
    "PRESIDENT STARTS
    TALKING TO HER"
SIGN    "SHE'LL END UP IN THE HOSPITAL IF THE METER HITS 10"
[13:34] ---
    No, not particularly.
[13:36] ---
    Liar!
[13:36] ---
    "SHINOMIYA'S TENSION METER"
[13:36] ---
    "LOOM"
[13:37] ---
    Every time I get here,
    you leave right away!
[13:39] ---
    If you have something
    to say to me, say it in words!
SIGN    "PRESIDENT IS WITHIN A ONE-METER RADIUS"
[13:41] ---
    I can't let him close in!
[13:43] ---
    "PRESIDENT GRABS HER HAND"
[13:46] ---
    Don't run away.
[13:47] ---
    I just want to talk to you.
[13:50] ---
    I'm getting dizzy again.
[13:53] ---
    But this is no problem!
[13:54] ---
    "Right hand-left cheek calming ritual"
[13:56] ---
    Now that I have a calming ritual!
[14:00] ---
    If I touch my left cheek
    with my right hand...
[14:02] ---
    My right hand...
[14:04] ---
    My right hand...
[14:06] ---
    He's gripping it!
[14:09] ---
    Let go!
[14:10] ---
    If I do, you'll just run away!
[14:11] ---
    What should I do?
[14:13] ---
    I could shake him off using a joint lock,
[14:14] ---
    "KAGUYA IS A BLACK BELT
    IN AIKIDO AND JUDO"
[14:14] ---
    but that would hurt him!
[14:17] ---
    Don't give me the silent treatment.
    Say something!
[14:19] ---
    Did they find something at the hospital?
[14:23] ---
    Or...
[14:25] ---
    ...did I do something to make you
    hate me without realizing it?
[14:31] ---
    You didn't do anything
    to make me hate you.
[14:35] ---
    Is this about our near-kiss
    in the sports equipment warehouse?
[14:39] ---
    "PRESIDENT BRINGS UP THE SUBJECT OF KISSING"
[14:42] ---
    But that was a misunderstanding!
[14:44] ---
    "GRIPPING HER SHOULDER"
[14:45] ---
    "PRESIDENT MOVES IN CLOSE"
[14:45] ---
    I was trying to break your fall,
    and we ended up in that position!
[14:49] ---
    "SHAKEN"
[14:49] ---
    But then you closed your eyes!
[15:06] ---
    P-President!
[15:09] ---
    Today's battle result...
SIGN    "KAGUYA WINS (SHE MASTERED HER CALMING RITUAL)"
[15:11] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[15:14] ---
    Even though calming rituals
    among professional athletes goes way back,
[15:17] ---
    the second it becomes the media's
    next shiny thing, people start to imitate it.
[15:21] ---
    Especially members
    of high school sports teams.
[15:22] ---
    They'll copy the ritual of throwing
    their water bottles into a trash can,
[15:25] ---
    when in the first place,
    a ritual is a routine you do on the daily...
[15:33] ---
    The Cheerleading Squad...
[15:34] ---
    "KAGUYA DOESN'T SAY NO"
[15:34] ---
    They're annoying, all bright-eyed and bushy-
    tailed, looking like they're having so much fun.
[15:37] ---
    I used to wish they'd get wiped
    off the face of the Earth.
[15:41] ---
    But I was wrong to think like that.
[15:45] ---
    I was really the pathetic one,
[15:47] ---
    inveighing against them
    when I didn't do a damn thing myself.
[15:52] ---
    Do we have any volunteers
    for the Sports Festival Cheerleading Squad?
[15:56] ---
    Somebody? Anybody?
[16:01] ---
    Then I realized I should join
    the Cheerleading Squad myself.
[16:05] ---
    That would be the key to becoming a normie.
[16:07] ---
    Tell me, Team Red...
[16:10] ---
    Are we gonna win?
[16:13] ---
    My logic was flawed.
[16:15] ---
    It's not that joining the Cheerleading Squad
    will make you a normie,
[16:18] ---
    but that only normies
    join the Cheerleading Squad.
[16:20] ---
    "THE TRIBE OF YAY!!"
[16:22] ---
    The Tribe of Yay!
[16:23] ---
    They yell "Yay" at every opportunity,
[16:25] ---
    party all the time, are bursting with energy,
    and their clothes are all trendy.
[16:26] ---
    "YAY"
[16:28] ---
    They exist even at Shuchiin Academy.
[16:30] ---
    All right, return to your seats!
[16:30] ---
    They are the polar opposite
    an asocial person like Ishigami.
[16:32] ---
    A'ight!
[16:33] ---
    Roger!
[16:34] ---
    I made a terrible decision
    in a moment of doubt.
[16:38] ---
    Even one of my classmates, Onodera,
    is looking at me like, "Are you nuts?"
[16:42] ---
    So, I'll be the leader.
[16:44] ---
    And I'm thinking Koyasu
    will be the vice leader.
[16:47] ---
    Everybody okay with that?
[16:48] ---
    Yay! We're totally okay!
[16:52] ---
    Just like that, the leader was decided.
[16:54] ---
    Our first order of business
    is deciding on Team Red's slogan.
[16:58] ---
    So, anybody got any bright ideas?
[17:00] ---
    Then, how about...
[17:02] ---
    That one!
[17:03] ---
    I like this one!
[17:03] ---
    Now, one!
[17:05] ---
    It's so-so.
[17:05] ---
    So, that's the way it works.
[17:07] ---
    I can't participate that way.
[17:10] ---
    I see. There's no reason
    to even have desks in here.
[17:13] ---
    So, let's choose between these three.
[17:16] ---
    They all suck!
SIGN    "Instagrammable Team Red We totally be best! Burn Team Red Yee-Crazy-Haa"
[17:17] ---
    What the hell is "instagrammable"?
[17:21] ---
    You guys are obsessed with being photogenic!
[17:23] ---
    Like the way you document
    every time you eat friggin' pancakes!
[17:25] ---
    Don't!
[17:27] ---
    All right, why don't we do this?
SIGN    "Being Best Absolutely Yee-Crazy-Haa Instagrammable"
[17:31] ---
    Even worse!
[17:32] ---
    I like it!
[17:34] ---
    That's a definite yes!
[17:35] ---
    You mean a definite no!
[17:36] ---
    Since I'm the leader,
    give me slicked-back hair!
[17:37] ---
    But then again,
    they have better grades than me.
[17:39] ---
    Nice!
[17:39] ---
    Nice!
[17:41] ---
    I'll send it to your Instagram
    accounts from Line.
[17:43] ---
    Oh, man!
[17:44] ---
    Our Instagram Stories are gonna go viral!
[17:45] ---
    I think our work's done
    here for today!
[17:48] ---
    I have no idea what they're saying.
[17:50] ---
    Let's make a Line group.
[17:52] ---
    What should I do? I don't even use Line.
[17:54] ---
    Would Skype work?
[17:57] ---
    Vice Leader...
[17:59] ---
    You're Yu, right? I've heard about you.
[18:02] ---
    Don't you have Line?
[18:04] ---
    Tell me your mail address.
    I'll just mail you what's important.
[18:08] ---
    Sorry for putting you to the trouble.
[18:10] ---
    So...
[18:12] ---
    ...for our uniforms...
[18:14] ---
    "Have we switched bodies!?"
[18:15] ---
    The girls will wear boys' school uniforms,
    and the guys will dress up like girls!
[18:19] ---
    Everyone is responsible
    for borrowing from somebody.
[18:21] ---
    This is sick!
[18:22] ---
    Who are you going to borrow from?
[18:23] ---
    Trade with me!
[18:23] ---
    I've got confidence.
[18:28] ---
    Am I in Hell?
[18:30] ---
    And they're demons
    who are used to the place.
[18:33] ---
    You guys have female friends,
    so it's easy for you to borrow their uniform,
[18:37] ---
    but I don't have anyone like that.
[18:40] ---
    If I asked any of my female classmates to let
    me borrow their uniform, they'd freak out.
[18:46] ---
    There are the student council girls...
[18:50] ---
    Iino would say...
[18:52] ---
    "Forget it!
    I'd never be able to wear it again!"
[18:55] ---
    I'd have the best chance
    asking Fujiwara, but...
[18:58] ---
    "You would do something weird
    with it, wouldn't you?"
[19:00] ---
    That's tough.
[19:02] ---
    She thinks I'm a pervert.
[19:06] ---
    Not that I blame her...
[19:07] ---
    And I'm scared of Shinomiya.
[19:10] ---
    I should probably just quit.
[19:11] ---
    Did I hear you say my name?
[19:13] ---
    There she is!
[19:14] ---
    I'm sorry!
[19:16] ---
    Why are you trying to run away?
[19:19] ---
    So, I don't have anyone to borrow from.
[19:23] ---
    To be honest, I was thinking
    of just quitting the Cheerleading Squad.
[19:27] ---
    Oh...
[19:28] ---
    Well, if you don't mind,
    I'd be willing to lend you my uniform.
[19:32] ---
    Really?
[19:33] ---
    Sure.
[19:34] ---
    You don't care that I'll be wearing it?
[19:38] ---
    Well, when a fellow student council member
    is in a jam, what else can I do?
[19:43] ---
    Shinomiya, you're totally yee-crazy-haa.
[19:47] ---
    What does that mean?
[19:49] ---
    I don't know myself.
[19:51] ---
    I've got a thin waist,
[19:54] ---
    so I don't know if it'll fit you.
[19:56] ---
    Do you want to try it on now?
[19:58] ---
    Please.
[20:01] ---
    You mean right here?
[20:02] ---
    If you're bashful, I could wait outside.
[20:05] ---
    No, it's okay.
[20:09] ---
    Shinomiya just wore this today.
[20:12] ---
    I'm going to wear it in front of her.
[20:16] ---
    This could awaken something inside of me.
[20:33] ---
    It fits, more or less.
[20:36] ---
    Oh, it looks cute on you.
[20:41] ---
    Since you've already got it on...
[20:43] ---
    ...how about doing makeup, too?
[20:46] ---
    You wear makeup, Shinomiya?
[20:49] ---
    I've had people put it on me on occasion,
    so I remember how it's done.
[20:55] ---
    Are you embarrassed?
[20:57] ---
    No, not really.
[21:01] ---
    Is this my drag debut?
[21:05] ---
    What'll I do if I really am
    mistaken for a girl?
[21:08] ---
    By the way,
    is it too tight around your waist?
[21:11] ---
    No, that part's actually fine.
[21:13] ---
    Really? Good.
[21:15] ---
    If anything, it's kind of tight
    in the chest area.
[21:20] ---
    I did sports in junior high,
    so I've got a bit of pectoral muscles.
[21:24] ---
    So I apologize if I stretch it out.
[21:26] ---
    Not at all.
[21:27] ---
    Don't worry about it.
[21:29] ---
    Shinomiya is nicer than I gave her credit for.
[21:34] ---
    "10 MINUTES LATER"
[21:36] ---
    We're done, Ishigami.
[21:38] ---
    "WITH PULP INSIDE"
[21:40] ---
    Hey, cut that out!
[21:42] ---
    Why did you prank me like that?
[21:44] ---
    Sorry. I'll fix it.
[21:48] ---
    Quit giggling.
[21:49] ---
    "HMPH"
[21:50] ---
    Okay, okay.
[21:52] ---
    Well, I don't mind her being affectionate
    toward a fellow council member,
[21:54] ---
    Come on, sit still.
[21:54] ---
    but aren't they sitting a little too close?
[21:57] ---
    I mean, it's not like I'm jealous or anything!
[22:02] ---
    Excuse me for a second.
SIGN    "From: Cheerleading Squad Vice Leader Tsubame Koyasu Practice in the courtyard every Tuesday and Thursday at 5 pm"
[22:10] ---
    Well,
[22:11] ---
    maybe I'll give it a shot.
[22:13] ---
    And so, Yu Ishigami became a member
    of the Cheerleading Squad.
[22:17] ---
    His story continues
    in "Victory and Defeat at the Sports Festival."
[22:21] ---
    "SPORTS FESTIVAL"
[22:23] ---
    Should we put a ribbon on you?
[22:26] ---
    Do you want to awaken something within me?
[22:27] ---
    Or has it already awakened?

E10 - Kei Shirogane Can't Speak

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] ---
    Shirogane is having a nervous breakdown...
[00:11] ---
    ...because Kaguya is still avoiding him.
[00:24] ---
    His sister suspects...
[00:27] ---
    ...her brother is in love.
[00:31] ---
    Hey.
[00:32] ---
    Hmph.
[00:38] ---
    She ignores him as if she doesn't care,
[00:40] ---
    but she has to resist the temptation
    to grill him for details.
[00:48] ---
    Why? Because Kei Shirogane...
[00:51] ---
    ...is in her rebellious teenager phase!
[02:24] ---
    "THREE DAYS EARLIER"
[02:25] ---
    Kei...
[02:26] ---
    You promised not to drink juice at dinner.
[02:26] ---
    "KEI SHIROGANE CAN'T SPEAK"
[02:32] ---
    "MUNCH MUNCH"
[02:32] ---
    Munch Munch. Munch Munch. Munch Munch.
[02:39] ---
    Don't be a picky eater.
    Have your green peppers, too.
[02:43] ---
    "GRUMBLE GRUMBLE"
[02:43] ---
    You're done already?
[02:45] ---
    When you're done eating, you say "Thank you
    for the meal" and put your dishes in the sink--
[02:48] ---
    Get off my back!
[02:51] ---
    The Shirogane Family!
[02:53] ---
    The father doesn't have a steady job,
[02:54] ---
    and they live in an apartment
    that costs 50,000 yen a month
[02:56] ---
    and is a 20-minute walk
    from Sangenjaya Station.
[02:59] ---
    The mother ran off with her lover,
    and their father's factory went bust.
[03:01] ---
    "PROMISSORY NOTE"
[03:02] ---
    The Shirogane Family
    has overcome numerous hardships.
[03:02] ---
    "PROMISSORY NOTE" "SEIZURE"
[03:05] ---
    "HURRY UP!"
[03:05] ---
    Brother!
[03:06] ---
    "GRUMBLE GRUMBLE"
[03:07] ---
    But Kei feels that her overprotective
    big brother treats her like a child.
[03:11] ---
    "NAG NAG"
[03:12] ---
    She has grown hostile
    toward her brother.
[03:15] ---
    "BLAH BLAH"
[03:15] ---
    This makes him reprimand
    his impertinent sister even more.
[03:19] ---
    And thus, their communication
    is in a continuous downward spiral!
[03:23] ---
    But now, Kei is dying to know
    the details of her brother's romantic life.
[03:27] ---
    Her curiosity is killing her.
[03:30] ---
    But if she's too insistent...
[03:33] ---
    What? Give me all the juicy details!
[03:35] ---
    This girl could become my sister-in-law, right?
[03:37] ---
    Brother! Brother!
    Brother! Brother!
[03:40] ---
    ...she'll appear too fond of her brother!
[03:42] ---
    To Kei, that would be humiliating.
[03:43] ---
    "TA-DA"
[03:46] ---
    The problem is, how can she force her brother
    to spill his guts without betraying herself?
[03:49] ---
    She relies on her superior brain
    to cast about for a solution.
[03:53] ---
    What's this?
[03:55] ---
    "She loves me, she loves me not"? That's creepy.
[03:58] ---
    Grilling via verbal abuse!
[04:02] ---
    Do you have a broken heart?
[04:04] ---
    Tell me how you got dumped.
[04:07] ---
    Shut up. Leave me alone.
[04:17] ---
    Honeys, I'm home.
[04:20] ---
    Dad...
[04:20] ---
    Welcome home.
[04:22] ---
    Hi.
[04:24] ---
    What's this?
    "She loves me, she loves me not"?
[04:27] ---
    Miyuki, do you have a crush on someone?
[04:30] ---
    "PUMP"
[04:31] ---
    No, it's not like that.
[04:35] ---
    Well...
[04:36] ---
    ...tell me about it.
[04:37] ---
    It's a father's duty
    to listen to his son's problems.
[04:41] ---
    I'm your sugar daddy.
[04:42] ---
    You don't even know what that means,
    so never say it again.
[04:46] ---
    Okay, I'll tell you.
[04:48] ---
    I thought things were going pretty well
    with this one girl,
[04:51] ---
    but she's been avoiding me recently.
[04:54] ---
    She's been hanging out and talking normally
    with another guy I know, though.
[05:00] ---
    Does she hate me now or is it something else?
[05:02] ---
    I don't know how she feels.
[05:04] ---
    What's with that face?
[05:06] ---
    Listening to genuine romantic troubles
    is tougher than I imagined.
[05:10] ---
    If you're mocking me,
    then forget I said anything!
[05:13] ---
    Hold on there.
[05:15] ---
    My own wife has been avoiding me
    for more than seven years now,
[05:18] ---
    and I suspect she's been making time
    with a younger man, so I know how you feel.
[05:23] ---
    Would you not bring
    your relationship into this?
[05:25] ---
    Accept reality and sign
    the divorce papers already!
[05:28] ---
    For better or worse,
    I still have feelings for my wife.
[05:33] ---
    Come to think of it, you've got
    the sports festival coming up, don't you?
[05:36] ---
    Listen, Miyuki. Girls go wild
    over boys who run fast in the races.
[05:40] ---
    That's your chance to show off.
[05:41] ---
    This isn't grade school!
[05:43] ---
    Never mind!
[05:44] ---
    Nobody understands how I feel!
[05:46] ---
    Wait, Brother.
[05:49] ---
    If a girl you have a good vibe with
    is avoiding you,
[05:52] ---
    it's still possible that she likes you.
[05:55] ---
    How so?
[05:57] ---
    You often hear about people
    who want to have normal conversations,
[06:02] ---
    but they're too embarrassed to be able
    to do it. Give her a little more time.
[06:08] ---
    It's a common thing?
[06:12] ---
    Thanks, that's food for thought.
[06:15] ---
    No big.
[06:17] ---
    I'm going to take a bath.
[06:25] ---
    In the end, who was I talking to?
[06:50] ---
    President...
[06:52] ---
    Can we walk to the student
    council room together?
[06:58] ---
    Yeah, of course.
[07:03] ---
    Today's battle result...
[07:06] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[07:10] ---
    "She could be
    my future sister-in-law, too..."
[07:28] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:30] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:31] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:33] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:35] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:37] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[07:38] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[07:54] ---
    Nice move at the end, right?
[07:56] ---
    You lied to me!
[07:57] ---
    You lied again! You're a liar!
[07:58] ---
    "GRRR GRRR"
[08:00] ---
    That wasn't dancing!
[08:02] ---
    That was someone writhing in agony
    to the beat of a drum!
[08:05] ---
    I felt like an exorcist!
[08:05] ---
    "RESEMBLES"
[08:07] ---
    "Soran," a Japanese folk song!
[08:08] ---
    The second-year students are going to do
    the soran dance for the sports festival.
[08:13] ---
    Shirogane was confident.
[08:14] ---
    Easy-peasy!
[08:15] ---
    Seeing that made Fujiwara worry.
[08:18] ---
    The truth turned out to be a nightmare.
[08:22] ---
    So, as usual, she's coaching him.
[08:24] ---
    "DEMON"
[08:28] ---
    How was that?
[08:30] ---
    You're still not there.
[08:31] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    WANTS TO DANCE"
[08:31] ---
    You're only imitating the example,
    not expressing anything yourself.
[08:36] ---
    Listen, the folk song "Soran"
    was how fishermen prayed for a good catch.
[08:41] ---
    Comprehending the beauty of men
    living on the sea!
[08:43] ---
    The feelings of fish
    as they strive not to be eaten!
[08:46] ---
    And more than anything,
    the feeling of the net as it gets dragged in!
[08:49] ---
    I can't comprehend that!
[08:50] ---
    You'll never be a professional dancer
    if you can't understand that!
[08:54] ---
    When did the goal switch
    to becoming a pro?
[08:57] ---
    As long as I've got the moves down,
    more or less.
[08:59] ---
    More or less?
[09:03] ---
    "GROWLLLL"
[09:04] ---
    I'm at the end of my rope!
[09:06] ---
    Why do I have to coach someone incompetent
    like you every single time?
[09:10] ---
    I'm done with it! If you ever need help
    with anything else, please don't ask me!
[09:17] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[09:19] ---
    It must've been stressful
    coaching me every time.
[09:22] ---
    I'll try to do this on my own
    without relying on Fujiwara.
[09:26] ---
    The feeling of a net...
[09:28] ---
    The feeling of being dragged in...
[09:30] ---
    President...
[09:31] ---
    Are you practicing the soran dance?
[09:34] ---
    I'm no expert, but I can teach you a little.
[09:37] ---
    Touching President's body...
[09:39] ---
    You, Shinomiya?
[09:41] ---
    Yes.
[09:42] ---
    For example, the "Heave-ho" part...
[09:45] ---
    You stick out your chest like this.
[09:48] ---
    With your hips... It looks better
    if you lower them to about here.
[09:52] ---
    I see.
[09:54] ---
    Also...
[09:56] ---
    "HUH? (LOL)"
[09:58] ---
    Hold on there!
[09:59] ---
    "(LOL)"
[10:01] ---
    She's teaching you? How to dance?
[10:02] ---
    "(LOL)"
[10:04] ---
    Yes!
[10:06] ---
    Kaguya has danced on a stage before!
[10:10] ---
    Let me take a load off!
[10:12] ---
    By all means, continue.
[10:14] ---
    Are you angry, Fujiwara?
[10:17] ---
    Why would I be angry?
[10:18] ---
    If anything, I'm impressed at the speed with
    which you exchanged one teacher for another.
[10:23] ---
    Please, continue.
[10:26] ---
    Dance is a series of beautiful moves
    that are connected to each other beautifully.
[10:31] ---
    Each movement
    should be performed conscientiously.
[10:33] ---
    She doesn't get it.
[10:35] ---
    Miss Fujiwara, did you say something?
[10:38] ---
    Nothing important.
[10:40] ---
    The form of your fingertips...
[10:42] ---
    Your gaze...
[10:43] ---
    If you faithfully copy the model...
[10:45] ---
    So, you just have to copy!
[10:48] ---
    What's that?
[10:49] ---
    Do you have a problem
    with my style of teaching?
[10:53] ---
    Not at all. Well...
[10:54] ---
    The soran dance
    has a kind of raw feeling to it.
[10:58] ---
    I'm not sure about just trying to copy that.
[11:02] ---
    Unless you put your heart and soul into it,
    maybe it's not the same thing!
[11:06] ---
    Vague things like souls are unnecessary.
[11:09] ---
    The important thing is making your body
    efficiently learn the right choreography.
[11:15] ---
    After all, you can't understand
    the dancer's intentions and expressions.
[11:19] ---
    The audience will be moved
    all on their own
[11:20] ---
    if the dancer faithfully
    and beautifully executes the moves.
[11:24] ---
    You're wrong!
[11:25] ---
    The quality of the dance
    and the display is important,
[11:27] ---
    but in the end, a presentation without love
    will make everyone unhappy!
[11:31] ---
    If you don't teach President
    the fun of expressing yourself,
[11:33] ---
    you're not doing anything for him!
[11:35] ---
    I'll teach President!
[11:37] ---
    Stop blathering on!
[11:39] ---
    I won't let you have President!
[11:41] ---
    I won't let you have the soran!
[11:43] ---
    Don't take him away from me!
[11:45] ---
    He doesn't belong to you!
[11:49] ---
    Echizen Ooka,
    renowned magistrate of Edo,
[11:51] ---
    commanded two women who claimed
    to be the mother of a child
[11:53] ---
    to play tug-of-war with his body.
[11:55] ---
    Ooka determined that the woman
    who let go first when
[11:57] ---
    the child was in pain was worthy
    of being his parent.
[12:01] ---
    But in this custody battle,
    neither of them are willing to let Shirogane go!
[12:06] ---
    Ow! Ow!
[12:08] ---
    Let go of me!
[12:16] ---
    This is how a net feels!
[12:18] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:20] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:22] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[12:24] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[12:25] ---
    That's it!
[12:26] ---
    What a marvelous soran dance!
[12:28] ---
    "FWISH"
[12:29] ---
    Today's battle result...
[12:30] ---
    Shirogane wins.
[12:30] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:32] ---
    He understood how a fishing net feels
    when it's being pulled in!
[12:36] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! Soran! Soran! ♪
[12:37] ---
    "The feeling of a fishing net..."
[12:42] ---
    I'm Kobachi Osaragi,
    a member of the Disciplinary Committee.
[12:45] ---
    The kanji for Osaragi
    means "Great Buddha."
[12:45] ---
    "KOBACHI OSARAGI (GREAT BUDDHA)"
[12:48] ---
    Remember my name.
[12:50] ---
    The goal of the Disciplinary Committee
[12:52] ---
    is to support a chaste and
    righteous school environment.
[12:56] ---
    Our main duty is cracking down
    on students who break the school rules.
[12:59] ---
    "KOBACHI OSARAGI
    WANTS TO CRACK DOWN"
[13:00] ---
    However...
[13:04] ---
    Oh, Miko!
[13:06] ---
    A member of the Disciplinary Committee
    has appeared!
[13:07] ---
    If you roll 13 or higher,
    you successfully avoid them!
[13:09] ---
    Come on!
[13:11] ---
    Yes! 14! You evaded
    the Disciplinary Committee!
[13:14] ---
    Yay! Yay! Yay!
[13:15] ---
    You haven't evaded me.
[13:16] ---
    Yay!
[13:17] ---
    Members of the Board Game Club,
    what are you doing?
[13:21] ---
    Can't you tell?
[13:22] ---
    A Shuchiin RPG board game.
[13:25] ---
    We're doing our best to defeat an ancient
    dragon that sleeps in the old school building,
[13:28] ---
    Students who have transcended the rules
    are the most troublesome.
[13:29] ---
    so you should give us your support.
[13:32] ---
    I don't fully understand,
    but as long as you don't cause a disturbance--
[13:35] ---
    All right, let's use
    the time-and-space warp capsule!
[13:38] ---
    Fail!
[13:40] ---
    Saitama has been destroyed.
[13:44] ---
    Annoying...
[13:46] ---
    Fujiwara lacks common sense.
[13:50] ---
    You shouldn't talk!
[13:52] ---
    Unfortunately, you can't confiscate
    my game console.
[13:55] ---
    I'm directly under the student council room.
    The land is owned by the alumni association.
[14:00] ---
    Territory that's exempt
    from school rule jurisdiction.
[14:02] ---
    Oh, is that right?
[14:03] ---
    Then, if you take one step outside of
    that space, I can confiscate your device.
[14:08] ---
    Miko and Ishigami hate each other.
[14:11] ---
    Which suggests that there's
    some kind of bond between them,
[14:11] ---
    At least let me save it! You don't know how difficult it was to defeat that guy!
[14:13] ---
    so I'll amend that statement.
[14:15] ---
    Miko and Ishigami don't get along well.
[14:17] ---
    That guy never learns his lesson.
[14:19] ---
    I hear he has no one to talk to,
[14:21] ---
    so he tries to get lino to pay attention to him.
[14:24] ---
    That's creepy.
[14:26] ---
    The first-year female students
    loathe Ishigami.
[14:30] ---
    In his third year of middle school,
    Ishigami stalked a girl that he liked...
[14:36] ---
    ...and assaulted her boyfriend.
    Or so the rumor goes.
[14:41] ---
    Ishigami never gave his side of the story.
[14:46] ---
    As a result, he was suspended.
[14:49] ---
    The girl transferred to another school,
[14:50] ---
    and the attacks on Ishigami in the name
    of vengeance for her have never stopped.
[14:55] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[14:58] ---
    And yet...
[14:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[15:02] ---
    Fiery red that lights up the heart!
    - Fever! Fever!
[15:05] ---
    I'm surprised you can even come to school
    and act so nonchalant.
[15:08] ---
    Aim for victory! Let's go, Team Red!
[15:10] ---
    After what happened, a normal person would...
[15:13] ---
    Do I look like it doesn't bother me?
[15:15] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[15:18] ---
    Fiery red that lights up the heart!
    Fever! Fever!
[15:24] ---
    Aim for victory! Let's go, Team Ted!
[15:26] ---
    The Yu Ishigami I've observed
    is someone who's socially awkward...
[15:29] ---
    "CHALLENGER"
[15:29] ---
    ...but who hates the irrational.
[15:35] ---
    Miko and Ishigami have a lot in common.
[15:38] ---
    The decision to keep Ishigami from advancing
    to the high school division is going overboard!
[15:42] ---
    As a member of the Disciplinary Committee,
    I officially protest!
[15:45] ---
    This is an interesting conversation.
[15:48] ---
    What's the matter?
[15:50] ---
    The two of them really don't get along.
[15:53] ---
    All right, let's take a break!
[15:57] ---
    Leader...
[15:58] ---
    Yes?
[15:59] ---
    About one of your first-years, Ishigami...
[16:02] ---
    I don't think he joined
    the Cheerleading Squad as a joke, so...
[16:09] ---
    You don't have to tell me that.
    I've noticed.
[16:17] ---
    It's okay. Leave it to us.
[16:20] ---
    Well,
[16:21] ---
    as a member of the Disciplinary Committee,
    it's my duty to keep students
[16:25] ---
    on the pure and correct path at school.
SIGN    "ENTRANCE" "MIYUKI SHIROGANE'S DAD WANTS TO FIND OUT"
[16:32] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[16:33] ---
    ♪ Heave-ho! Heave-ho! ♪
[16:35] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[16:37] ---
    ♪ Soran! Soran! ♪
[16:41] ---
    I'm fast on my feet
    thanks to delivering newspapers.
[16:43] ---
    And I've mastered the soran dance!
[16:47] ---
    Nothing can stop me today!
[16:49] ---
    There's nothing that can embarrass m--
[16:51] ---
    Lookin' good, Miyuki!
[16:58] ---
    My sports festival...
[17:00] ---
    ...is over.
[17:02] ---
    That was the second-year students'
    soran dance!
[17:09] ---
    Dad, what are you doing here?
[17:12] ---
    I had nothing better to do.
[17:13] ---
    Get a job!
[17:17] ---
    Did you take pictures of the dance?
[17:20] ---
    Yeah, I got some really nice shots.
[17:23] ---
    So, you can act like a real father--
[17:26] ---
    Dirty old man!
[17:28] ---
    Hold on! I asked him
    to get a shot of my daughter.
[17:33] ---
    Your daughter?
[17:34] ---
    Then, you're...
[17:36] ---
    Treasurer Fujiwara's father?
[17:36] ---
    "BOW BOW"
[17:38] ---
    Nice to meet you. I'm Miyuki Shirogane,
    the president of the student council.
[17:42] ---
    I'm Daichi Fujiwara.
[17:43] ---
    Nice to meet you.
[17:45] ---
    Your son is very well-mannered.
[17:47] ---
    He must have had a fine upbringing.
[17:49] ---
    No, he's still very much a child.
[17:51] ---
    For example, his hair down there
    has only recently started to sprout--
[17:54] ---
    Shinomiya?
[17:55] ---
    "SQUEEZE SQUEEZE"
[17:55] ---
    I can't let Shinomiya meet my dad!
[17:58] ---
    No good could come of it!
[18:00] ---
    Hey, did you know
    that our co-op's curry buns are superb?
[18:06] ---
    I hardly get out this way, so I should
    probably sample them while I'm here.
[18:11] ---
    Yes!
[18:14] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:14] ---
    Hooray!
[18:15] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:16] ---
    Hooray!
[18:17] ---
    "TEAM RED"
[18:17] ---
    Team Red!
[18:20] ---
    "TEAM WHITE"
[18:21] ---
    Why am I the only one?
[18:23] ---
    Team White, do your best!
[18:28] ---
    Good luck!
[18:31] ---
    I want to cheer for President.
[18:39] ---
    President, you can do it!
[18:41] ---
    He's so fast!
[18:50] ---
    Wow!
[18:51] ---
    So, that's the president
    of the student council, huh?
[18:55] ---
    I bet he's trying desperately not to let
    anyone see what an incapable loser he is.
[19:01] ---
    I can't let that comment slide.
[19:03] ---
    President Shirogane is just the person
    this academy needs as its representative.
[19:08] ---
    I'm Kaguya Shinomiya,
    the vice president of the student council.
[19:11] ---
    So, I would know President
    better than you.
[19:15] ---
    Shinomiya...
[19:16] ---
    Oh, I get it.
[19:20] ---
    In that case, Shinomiya...
[19:23] ---
    Would you tell me about Miyuki Shirogane?
[19:28] ---
    I'd be glad to!
[19:30] ---
    President has the best grades
    in the academy.
[19:32] ---
    That's all he's got going for him.
[19:35] ---
    He was elected
    as the student council president!
[19:37] ---
    Out of only a few candidates, right?
[19:40] ---
    He has well-defined eyes!
[19:41] ---
    A genetic gift from one of his parents, huh?
[19:44] ---
    Anyway, President is a wonderful person!
    Why can't you understand that?
[19:47] ---
    You have interesting reactions.
[19:50] ---
    But I already know everything you told me.
[19:55] ---
    What is he to you, Kaguya Shinomiya?
[19:59] ---
    What is he to me?
[20:05] ---
    I used to think there weren't
    any good people in this world.
[20:10] ---
    That's why whenever President acted
    like a good person,
[20:12] ---
    I tried to expose the ugly scheme
    that I assumed was behind his actions.
[20:18] ---
    But I never could find any evidence of that.
[20:22] ---
    Eventually, I admitted defeated and acknowledged
    that people like President really did exist.
[20:28] ---
    After that, I started to realize there were also
[20:30] ---
    a surprising number
    of selfless acts in the world.
[20:35] ---
    The way I saw things changed a bit.
[20:40] ---
    So, I'm grateful to President.
[20:44] ---
    So much that I'd like to thank
    his parents for raising him like that.
[20:50] ---
    And are you romantically
    interested in Miyuki?
[20:54] ---
    Wh-Why should I talk about that
    with a perfect stranger?
[20:58] ---
    Because I really want to know.
[21:00] ---
    If you had to love him or hate him,
    which would you choose?
[21:03] ---
    Do you imagine getting married to him
    in the future?
[21:06] ---
    Well, do you?
[21:07] ---
    This line of questioning
    is just embarrassing me!
[21:10] ---
    Do you recognize that your evasion
    of an answer is the answer itself?
[21:13] ---
    Enough! Who are you anyway?
[21:16] ---
    You're still here?
[21:18] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:23] ---
    President...
[21:25] ---
    Do you know this gentleman?
[21:28] ---
    Um...
[21:31] ---
    I've never met him in my life.
[21:32] ---
    Hello. I'm Miyuki's dad.
[21:37] ---
    You knew who I was all along?
[21:40] ---
    Naturally.
[21:41] ---
    President...
[21:43] ---
    You have such a delightfully
    mischievous father!
[21:46] ---
    Do I?
[21:48] ---
    Old man!
[21:51] ---
    What did you do to Shinomiya?
[21:57] ---
    Hang in there, Leader!
[21:59] ---
    Go, Kazeno!
[22:00] ---
    You can do it, Leader!
[22:03] ---
    Ishigami! You're really fast!
[22:06] ---
    Thanks.
[22:07] ---
    Leader and Ishigami, keep it up!
[22:10] ---
    You can do it!
SIGN    "EASY TO UNDERSTAND CORRELATION DIAGRAM BETWEEN KAGUYA AND THE SHIROGANE FAMILY"

E11 - Yu Ishigami Closes His Eyes, Part 3

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Ewww!
[00:01] ---
    What is that?
[00:02] ---
    Oh my god!
[00:03] ---
    That's a definite ugh.
[00:06] ---
    I can imagine their responses.
[00:12] ---
    Next up is Team Red
    Cheerleading Squad's cheering contest!
[00:20] ---
    What happened?
[00:21] ---
    Have we...
[00:23] ---
    ...switched bodies?
[00:27] ---
    Tsubame!
[00:28] ---
    The leader is so cute!
[00:30] ---
    Wait!
[00:31] ---
    That's hilarious!
[00:33] ---
    "BEING BEST"
[00:34] ---
    Being Best!
[00:36] ---
    Absolutely yee-crazy-haa!
[00:38] ---
    Yee-crazy-haa!
[00:42] ---
    Awesome.
[00:43] ---
    I was worried for nothing.
[00:44] ---
    Instagrammable!
[00:46] ---
    Instagrammable!
[00:48] ---
    Let's go!
[00:50] ---
    Yeah!
[00:52] ---
    Hooray! Hooray!
[00:54] ---
    Team Red!
[00:56] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    - Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[00:57] ---
    This may actually be...
[00:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray!
[01:01] ---
    Team Red!
[01:03] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[01:13] ---
    ...the most fun I've had at a sports festival.
[01:16] ---
    Yay!
[01:16] ---
    Yay!
[01:17] ---
    "YU ISHIGAMI
    CLOSES HIS EYES, PART 3"
[01:18] ---
    That was a great success!
[01:19] ---
    Damn right!
[01:21] ---
    That was yee-crazy-haa!
[01:23] ---
    Yeah!
[01:25] ---
    Joining the Cheerleading Squad
    was a good idea after all.
[01:28] ---
    Maybe...
[01:30] ---
    It's about time I started looking forward.
[01:34] ---
    Instead of dwelling on my failures
    and accumulating regrets,
[01:37] ---
    I want to enjoy life more.
[01:41] ---
    Ishigami...
[01:49] ---
    It looked like you were having a good time...
[01:53] ---
    Ishigami.
[02:15] ---
    What's there...
[02:18] ---
    ...to enjoy?
[02:22] ---
    Ishigami!
[02:23] ---
    Ishigami!
[02:25] ---
    Hey! Quit daydreaming! Look at me!
[02:29] ---
    The leader twisted his ankle!
[02:32] ---
    I forgot I had the skirt on
    and tried to jump over the fence.
[02:37] ---
    I tripped and sprained my ankle really badly!
[02:37] ---
    "FWISH"
[02:41] ---
    Dummy.
[02:41] ---
    Dope.
[02:42] ---
    What a dork.
[02:43] ---
    I'm supposed to run the anchor leg
    in the relay, but I can barely hobble.
[02:48] ---
    So, take my place, Ishigami.
[02:52] ---
    The anchor leg? I can't...
[02:54] ---
    I heard about you in junior high school.
[02:59] ---
    Word is you were the fastest kid
    on the track team.
[03:02] ---
    And you were fast
    in that three-legged race!
[03:06] ---
    So, go on, get changed!
    They're getting ready!
[03:11] ---
    I'm counting on you, Ishigami!
[03:12] ---
    The relay race will begin in a moment.
[03:15] ---
    "CULTURAL CLUBS" "SPORTS CLUBS"
[03:16] ---
    Team Red Cheerleading Squad,
    Team White Cheerleading Squad,
[03:21] ---
    the cultural clubs and the sports clubs
    will all be competing against each other.
[03:25] ---
    I look forward to this event every year.
[03:30] ---
    All of the participants must carry something
    that represents their club.
[03:36] ---
    What fun!
[03:38] ---
    Good luck, everyone!
[03:44] ---
    Ishigami!
[03:46] ---
    You're representing the Cheerleading Squad?
[03:49] ---
    Running the anchor leg is a big responsibility.
[03:51] ---
    Ishigami is always fast
    when he runs away, so he'll be fine.
[03:59] ---
    Ishigami?
[04:00] ---
    Is something wrong? You look pale.
[04:03] ---
    Ishigami is running the last leg?
[04:05] ---
    We're screwed.
[04:07] ---
    What about the leader?
[04:08] ---
    This is ridiculous.
[04:09] ---
    Isn't Kazeno supposed to do it?
[04:12] ---
    Why?
[04:14] ---
    Oh, that's right.
[04:17] ---
    Every time I stick my neck out,
[04:19] ---
    I always fail.
[04:36] ---
    Ishigami...
[04:39] ---
    You dropped your eraser.
[04:44] ---
    Kyoko Otomo was just a classmate.
[04:47] ---
    She wasn't even an acquaintance.
[04:49] ---
    Good morning, Ishigami!
[04:51] ---
    I didn't fit in then, but she was still
    friendly and would talk to me.
[04:55] ---
    Wake up!
[04:57] ---
    You'll be late!
[04:58] ---
    She was a good person.
[05:00] ---
    That's how I thought of her.
    No more than that.
[05:03] ---
    Let's go, Kyoko!
[05:04] ---
    Hurry up!
[05:06] ---
    Coming!
[05:09] ---
    What were you doing?
[05:09] ---
    In any case,
[05:11] ---
    just by talking to this loser,
[05:14] ---
    somehow, I felt like she saved me.
[05:27] ---
    One day, Otomo got a boyfriend.
[05:32] ---
    His name was Ko Ogino.
[05:35] ---
    He was the president of the theater club.
[05:37] ---
    He was my polar opposite.
[05:39] ---
    A popular guy who was always
    the center of attention...
[05:42] ---
    Ogino...
[05:46] ---
    Whenever I saw a couple,
    I would curse them without reservations,
[05:50] ---
    but unusually enough,
    I wished for her happiness.
[05:54] ---
    At least, until that day.
[05:57] ---
    That's right. I'm easy, what can I say?
[06:02] ---
    I know. I've already reserved
    a room, so don't worry.
[06:06] ---
    Was that your girlfriend?
[06:07] ---
    Y-You were there?
[06:10] ---
    You heard that? I'm embarrassed!
[06:13] ---
    Yep. That was my girl.
[06:19] ---
    I could tell he was lying through his teeth.
[06:23] ---
    At the time, I had an excessive sense
    of justice and no tolerance for crap.
[06:30] ---
    I wasn't about to let a good person get hurt.
[06:35] ---
    If I'd been in love,
    it would've been a little simpler.
[06:40] ---
    You went out of your way to snoop?
[06:43] ---
    So, what do you intend to do?
    Snitch on me?
[06:46] ---
    I don't want to do anything about it.
[06:49] ---
    Just stop cheating on her.
[06:54] ---
    I can't do that.
    Not when there are girls who are willing.
[06:59] ---
    How about this?
[07:01] ---
    You like Kyoko, right?
[07:04] ---
    Come over to my place today.
[07:15] ---
    He used his own girlfriend
    as a bargaining chip.
[07:22] ---
    What do you think Otomo is?
[07:29] ---
    What happened after that is fuzzy.
[07:40] ---
    Hey, stop it!
[07:43] ---
    Somebody get a teacher in here!
[07:45] ---
    The only thing I remember is thinking...
[07:47] ---
    I'd make it so no girl would approach that face.
[07:52] ---
    Ogino!
[08:05] ---
    Satisfied?
[08:07] ---
    Would you quit while you're ahead?
[08:12] ---
    There's a theater competition coming up.
[08:14] ---
    I won't be able to participate
    if you beat my face beyond recognition.
[08:17] ---
    I'll give you a competition!
[08:19] ---
    Back off now,
[08:21] ---
    and I won't take it out on Kyoko.
[08:23] ---
    Sorry, but I can't let
    something like this ruin me.
[08:28] ---
    And if you spill it, Kyoko will become
    the object of everyone's pity.
[08:34] ---
    You bastard!
[08:35] ---
    I won't let you get close to Otomo ever again!
[08:38] ---
    Ishigami...
[08:40] ---
    You're stalking her!
[08:46] ---
    I understand that you're in love with Kyoko.
[08:50] ---
    But...
[08:52] ---
    ...no matter how many times you slug me,
[08:54] ---
    I won't break up with her!
[09:00] ---
    That's right.
[09:01] ---
    You can't win a girl's love with violence,
    Ishigami!
[09:06] ---
    Do you really think
    she'll buy your cheap theatrics?
[09:09] ---
    Give her more credit than that!
[09:12] ---
    Otomo...
[09:14] ---
    I'd break up with this scumbag
    if I were you.
[09:23] ---
    You're the scumbag.
[09:26] ---
    Creep.
[09:27] ---
    Poor Ogino.
[09:28] ---
    He's a stalker.
[09:30] ---
    He'd be better off dead.
[09:32] ---
    Scum.
[09:32] ---
    Gross.
[09:33] ---
    Don't come to school again.
[09:35] ---
    What a psycho.
[09:36] ---
    At least, apologize.
[09:38] ---
    What's his problem?
[09:39] ---
    He's got to be a loon.
[09:41] ---
    Loser.
[09:42] ---
    What's your deal?
[09:43] ---
    Head case.
[09:44] ---
    It's all over for you.
[09:45] ---
    Who the hell do you think you are?
[09:47] ---
    Seriously, you should just snuff it.
[09:50] ---
    He screwed himself over.
[09:51] ---
    Wait.
[09:53] ---
    This doesn't make sense.
[09:57] ---
    It doesn't make sense!
[09:59] ---
    Somebody needed to beat him up!
[10:02] ---
    Otomo, you understand, don't you?
[10:06] ---
    This is crazy, isn't it?
[10:09] ---
    You're the one who's crazy.
[10:15] ---
    It's you.
[10:18] ---
    Certainly, I was crazy.
[10:21] ---
    "ENTRANCE"
[10:28] ---
    It's a close race between
    the Magic Club and the Judo Club!
[10:31] ---
    Ishigami...
[10:32] ---
    Pull yourself together.
SIGN    "SUTERA" "LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS A LITTLE STRENGTH"
[10:45] ---
    I was suspended for a month.
[10:49] ---
    Anyway, if you want to come back,
[10:52] ---
    you'll keep up with your homework
    and write a letter of apology.
[10:56] ---
    I made my junior high school
    alienation even worse
[10:57] ---
    "MIYUKI SHIROGANE
    AND YU ISHIGAMI"
[10:58] ---
    by giving in to my flimsy sense of justice.
[11:01] ---
    I stuck my neck out
    for a girl I barely even knew.
[11:05] ---
    If I hadn't done anything,
    maybe nothing would've even happened.
[11:10] ---
    This was the result.
[11:14] ---
    All I can say is I brought it on myself.
[11:18] ---
    I should write what I felt
    down in the letter of apology.
[11:21] ---
    It was simple.
[11:23] ---
    That's what I thought then.
[11:28] ---
    "LETTER OF APOLOGY"
[11:29] ---
    Every weekend, I turned in
    my homework assignments
[11:32] ---
    and endured a lecture by the teacher
    in charge of school counseling.
[11:36] ---
    What are you sulking about?
[11:38] ---
    I'm the one who has to take time
    out of my schedule to deal with you!
[11:43] ---
    Blame yourself for this mess!
    If you hadn't gone berserk...
[11:51] ---
    He's right. I'm the crazy one.
[12:00] ---
    My baseless confidence and pride had vanished,
[12:03] ---
    leaving behind only misery.
[12:06] ---
    Even after the period of suspension was over,
[12:08] ---
    I hadn't written the letter of apology,
[12:11] ---
    so I wasn't allowed to go back.
[12:14] ---
    Fifteen years old,
    and you can't even say you're sorry?
[12:18] ---
    I admit that what I did was wrong,
[12:22] ---
    and I do regret it.
[12:25] ---
    But even if it kills me,
    I just can't apologize.
[12:28] ---
    I've had enough of your crap!
[12:30] ---
    Ogino may be superficial,
    but he's not a bad guy.
[12:35] ---
    He said if you gave him
    a sincere apology, he'd forgive you.
[12:39] ---
    That takes a big man.
[12:44] ---
    He'd forgive me.
[12:46] ---
    Is that right?
[12:49] ---
    He can go to hell.
[12:51] ---
    An indictment.
[12:53] ---
    I'll spill everything!
[12:54] ---
    Even if it pisses off Ogino
    so bad that he beats Otomo...
[12:57] ---
    ...or shares a revenge porno of her
    with the whole school, see if I care!
[13:00] ---
    I just wanna be set free.
[13:03] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:05] ---
    I'll write it. I'll write it. I'll write it!
[13:21] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:23] ---
    I'll write it.
[13:26] ---
    I'll write it!
[13:27] ---
    I'll write...
SIGN    "GRADUATION CEREMONY SHUCHIIN ACADEMY JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL"
[13:48] ---
    In the end, I didn't write one damn word.
[13:51] ---
    "I'm sorry. I was wrong.
    Please forgive me."
[13:53] ---
    A toadying apology...
[13:56] ---
    I was a cringeworthy and annoying weirdo.
[14:08] ---
    With Ishigami as the anchor,
    we'll totally lose.
[14:10] ---
    I know, right?
[14:12] ---
    I can't cheer for him.
[14:14] ---
    I wanna go home.
[14:15] ---
    Anchors, on your marks, please!
[14:19] ---
    I forgot...
[14:21] ---
    Am I on the red team or the white team?
[14:24] ---
    Where?
[14:27] ---
    Where am I supposed to be?
[14:31] ---
    Ishigami!
[14:37] ---
    An anchor's not an anchor without a headband.
[14:42] ---
    Go get 'em!
[14:45] ---
    Don't worry about anybody else!
[14:54] ---
    That's right.
[14:56] ---
    I almost forgot.
[14:59] ---
    This is gross.
    It's damp with your sweat.
[15:02] ---
    Oh, shut up!
[15:04] ---
    I don't know how, but even though
    they didn't let me come back to junior high,
[15:08] ---
    I got to go on to high school.
[15:11] ---
    And suddenly, one day...
[15:13] ---
    ...he came over.
[15:35] ---
    In other words,
[15:36] ---
    the reason you didn't refute it...
[15:39] ---
    ...was to protect Kyoko Otomo.
[15:43] ---
    That's the conclusion I was led to
    based on gathered fragments of intel.
[15:47] ---
    Or rather,
[15:48] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL SECRET REPORT"
[15:49] ---
    that's the conclusion we came to!
[15:52] ---
    A follow-up investigation revealed
[15:54] ---
    that Ogino broke up with Kyoko Otomo
    days after the incident.
[15:58] ---
    There's no sign of any sleazy rumors
    going around then.
[16:00] ---
    Otomo went to a different high school,
    and she seems to be enjoying her life.
[16:06] ---
    Is that true?
[16:10] ---
    It sounds like our conclusions
    were on the money.
[16:14] ---
    It appears that Ogino was paranoid about you.
[16:16] ---
    Even after months of suspension,
    you still hadn't written a letter of apology.
[16:22] ---
    Who wouldn't be scared?
[16:25] ---
    Unintentionally or not,
[16:26] ---
    your period of suspension was effective.
[16:31] ---
    I don't intend to discuss
    whether your actions were right or wrong.
[16:34] ---
    The fact is, you could've handled it
    in a smarter way.
[16:38] ---
    However...
[16:40] ---
    ...you achieved your objective.
[16:46] ---
    I'd never told anyone my secret before,
[16:50] ---
    but he had yanked it out of me
    without any fuss as if it were nothing.
[16:55] ---
    You did good, Ishigami.
[16:59] ---
    So...
[17:01] ---
    ...the letter you should write...
[17:13] ---
    "GO TO HELL, DUMBASS!!"
[17:13] ---
    ...is this!
[17:24] ---
    You've been through a lot.
[17:33] ---
    You're not crazy.
[17:46] ---
    I hope you fall on your face!
[17:49] ---
    He dumped me because of what you did!
[17:52] ---
    It's all your fault!
[17:56] ---
    I hold a grudge for a long time!
[17:59] ---
    How dare you enjoy yourself?
[18:01] ---
    You don't have that right!
[18:05] ---
    Go to hell, dumbass.
[18:10] ---
    Sorry, Otomo,
[18:12] ---
    but I'm done looking back.
    I'm shaking you off.
[18:17] ---
    I'll prove it by winning this!
[18:20] ---
    I'll prove that it's better this way!
[18:22] ---
    I'll prove that I'm not crazy!
[18:24] ---
    Go, Ishigami!
[18:25] ---
    No matter how much you people reject me
    with your scary words,
[18:29] ---
    I won't bend!
[18:31] ---
    No matter what you think!
    No matter how you threaten me!
[18:36] ---
    Don't think I'm going to shrink in fear!
[18:38] ---
    Go, Ishigami!
[18:40] ---
    Go! Go!
[18:42] ---
    You can do it, Ishigami.
[18:44] ---
    I'll prove it...
[18:46] ---
    ...by winning here!
[18:51] ---
    I'll prove it to all of you!
[19:02] ---
    Dammit! Dammit!
[19:04] ---
    I failed miserably.
[19:07] ---
    Maybe I was wrong after all.
[19:10] ---
    I can't change anything.
[19:13] ---
    In the end, I...
[19:22] ---
    Yu! Yu!
[19:24] ---
    That was so close! Yu!
[19:26] ---
    Koyasu?
[19:28] ---
    Are you crying?
[19:30] ---
    After all...
[19:31] ---
    ...when I saw how frustrated you looked,
[19:34] ---
    it made me frustrated, too!
[19:38] ---
    Tsubame cries at anything.
[19:40] ---
    I can't help it!
[19:42] ---
    Ishigami! That was a good race!
[19:45] ---
    It really was so close.
[19:46] ---
    Don't let it bother you.
[19:48] ---
    They were in the lead to begin with.
[19:50] ---
    Yeah!
[19:51] ---
    Oh, I see.
[19:53] ---
    Crap! We would've won
    if the Board Game Club hadn't muffed it.
[19:57] ---
    These people...
[19:57] ---
    Don't feel bad!
[19:59] ---
    You did fine, Ishigami!
[20:04] ---
    Are you okay?
[20:05] ---
    Ishigami?
[20:06] ---
    Now you're going overboard.
[20:07] ---
    What's wrong?
[20:15] ---
    They're good people.
[20:17] ---
    I'm fine.
[20:20] ---
    Before, I never even bothered
    to look for that.
[20:23] ---
    Was really looking all it took
    for the view to change like this?
[20:28] ---
    Apparently, it's true that genuine normies
    can be genuinely nice.
[20:35] ---
    "TEAM RED" "TEAM WHITE"
[20:36] ---
    So, the next relay is the final event!
[20:36] ---
    "KYOKO OTOMO DOESN'T REALIZE"
    "TEAM RED" "TEAM WHITE"
[20:38] ---
    If we clinch this,
    Team Red will make a comeback victory!
[20:43] ---
    Get pumped up and ready to cheer!
[20:45] ---
    Yay!
[20:46] ---
    Team Red! Being best!
[20:50] ---
    Being best!
[20:51] ---
    I still think this cheer is totally lame,
    though.
[20:56] ---
    Anyway, Ishigami is such a dirtbag!
[20:59] ---
    How dare he yell, "Go to hell, dumbass"!
[21:02] ---
    Even if it's the truth, there are
    some things you just shouldn't say!
[21:06] ---
    The truth?
[21:07] ---
    W-Well, if I'd been smarter,
    I would've passed the entrance exam.
[21:12] ---
    I thought maybe this was my golden opportunity
    to get back together with Ogino,
[21:16] ---
    only to find out he transferred
    to another school.
[21:18] ---
    Golden opportunity?
[21:19] ---
    Lady Kaguya, did you arrange for Ogino?
[21:22] ---
    How rude. I'd never do anything so cruel.
[21:26] ---
    Still, I'm glad I came today!
[21:28] ---
    I finally got to unload on Ishigami!
[21:31] ---
    Swish! Swish!
[21:32] ---
    And more than anything...
[21:34] ---
    I have a lot of fun memories from Shuchiin!
[21:39] ---
    She's blissfully ignorant.
[21:42] ---
    Lady Kaguya...
[21:43] ---
    I know.
[21:45] ---
    That smile of hers is what Ishigami protected.
[21:50] ---
    Jeez.
[21:51] ---
    He chose to go through
    all that for no benefit.
[21:54] ---
    He really is a cute junior, though.
[21:59] ---
    "VICTORY"
[21:59] ---
    Hooray! Hooray! Team Red!
[22:14] ---
    "ENTRANCE"
[22:14] ---
    Today's sports festival result...
[22:17] ---
    It's a big win for Team Red!
[22:22] ---
    "GO TO HELL, DUMBASS!!"
[22:26] ---
    "DEPICTION OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    SECRET REPORT FORMATION"

E12 - The Student Council Would Like a Group Photo

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] ---
    Ever since I got
    my first flip phone at age five,
[00:13] ---
    I only used it for making emergency calls.
[00:18] ---
    But after joining the student council,
[00:22] ---
    I've been using it
    to document my daily life.
[00:25] ---
    I used to look down on girls my age
    who would constantly take phone pictures.
[00:33] ---
    Probably because
[00:35] ---
    I had nothing
    to take a photo of then.
[00:38] ---
    There were no days...
[00:40] ---
    I told you I'd confiscate that!
[00:41] ---
    ...that I wanted
    to think back upon.
[00:43] ---
    How many times do I have to say it
    before it sinks in?
[00:45] ---
    Therefore...
[00:55] ---
    ...by doing this,
[00:57] ---
    I feel...
[00:59] ---
    ...just a little bit...
[01:02] ---
    ...like an ordinary girl.
[01:05] ---
    "LONG TIME NO SEE"
[01:05] ---
    A photo of us?
[01:07] ---
    "Shuchiin Academy School Brochure"
[01:07] ---
    Yes! We're making a pamphlet
    for Shuchiin Academy,
[01:10] ---
    so I would like all of you to model for it.
[01:10] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    WOULD LIKE A GROUP PHOTO"
[01:13] ---
    We're going to be models?
    That sounds like fun!
[01:16] ---
    What shall I wear?
[01:17] ---
    Your school uniform, of course.
[01:19] ---
    Excuse me...
[01:21] ---
    I'm sorry, but...
[01:23] ---
    "SHINOMIYA FAMILY"
[01:23] ---
    ...my family's policy doesn't allow
    my face to appear in any media.
[01:27] ---
    We can't show your face at all?
[01:30] ---
    Could you do something like this?
[01:33] ---
    What kind of pamphlet
    are you making?
[01:34] ---
    Don't worry about me. You guys do it.
[01:37] ---
    I've never been photogenic anyway.
[01:40] ---
    Really?
[01:43] ---
    The pamphlet I wish to make,
    in a nutshell, will make kids think,
[01:47] ---
    "I want to spend the springtime
    of my life at that academy!"
[01:51] ---
    So, please show me your bubbly best!
[01:55] ---
    Our bubbly best...
[01:57] ---
    Go on, vogue!
[02:00] ---
    L-Like this?
[02:02] ---
    Fujiwara's bubbly best
    is like a bratty child.
[02:06] ---
    L-Like this?
[02:07] ---
    A three-year-old's first photo session.
[02:09] ---
    Thank you, next!
[02:12] ---
    Why do you hide your face?
[02:15] ---
    B-Because I'm embarrassed.
[02:17] ---
    Non! What a waste
    when you have such a cute face...
[02:23] ---
    Cute?
[02:24] ---
    "UH-HUH"
[02:24] ---
    Precisely! When you're so pretty...
[02:30] ---
    Please show me that cute face.
[02:37] ---
    How cute! Very nice!
[02:41] ---
    Don't be afraid.
[02:42] ---
    Entrust me with your body.
[02:46] ---
    Now bite that pen you're holding.
[02:50] ---
    "SNAP SNAP"
[02:50] ---
    The epitome of Japanese cuteness!
[02:52] ---
    Iino, if some sleazy guy in town
    scouts you as a model, don't you go with him.
[02:56] ---
    Ishigami, would you stand next to her?
[03:00] ---
    Me, too?
[03:05] ---
    This won't do.
[03:05] ---
    "HMPH..."
[03:05] ---
    Mutter mutter mutter...
[03:07] ---
    Shinomiya, would you fix Ishigami's hair?
[03:12] ---
    Sure.
[03:13] ---
    And you look a little too stiff, lino.
[03:15] ---
    Please loosen up a bit.
[03:18] ---
    Mutter mutter mutter...
[03:24] ---
    Now that's what I'm talking about!
[03:27] ---
    The vibe I get is two students
    who secretly help each other out.
[03:33] ---
    Where's that coming from?
[03:34] ---
    What are you talking about?
[03:36] ---
    Next, I want Fujiwara and Shirogane!
[03:38] ---
    Come on!
[03:39] ---
    "WACKA WACKA"
[03:42] ---
    Non, more natural!
[03:44] ---
    Easy for you to say.
[03:46] ---
    Well, let's see.
[03:48] ---
    Perhaps, it would be easier
    if I gave you a hypothetical situation.
[03:53] ---
    All right, let's say
    you two are girlfriend-boyfriend.
[04:03] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:03] ---
    You're talking in the hallway.
[04:05] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:06] ---
    Your hands accidentally touch.
[04:07] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:09] ---
    "FLASH"
[04:10] ---
    That's it! So innocent!
[04:13] ---
    Adolescence personified!
[04:15] ---
    The springtime of youth!
[04:17] ---
    Tres-tres-tres bien!
[04:19] ---
    Now bring your faces closer together!
[04:22] ---
    I always thought of this man as a clown...
[04:27] ---
    ...but I didn't realize the depths
    of his mockery.
[04:30] ---
    Doesn't he realize just how much
    my family donates to this school?
[04:34] ---
    I hope he knows
    his days as a principal are numbered.
[04:39] ---
    It's just a shame.
[04:41] ---
    Shinomiya would've been ideal
    to play Shirogane's girlfriend.
[04:48] ---
    I would love to get a two-shot
    of Shirogane and Shinomiya!
[04:52] ---
    They have the ideal relationship!
[04:55] ---
    That's what I wanted to capture!
[04:58] ---
    Can you understand my frustration?
[05:02] ---
    Yes, yes!
[05:03] ---
    I understand!
[05:08] ---
    Well, let's take a group photo
    with the schoolyard behind you.
[05:12] ---
    Everyone, line up, please.
[05:15] ---
    A group photo...
[05:15] ---
    In order of school year!
[05:17] ---
    Don't stand next to me.
[05:18] ---
    I know, I know.
[05:18] ---
    Come to think of it, I've never taken
    a photo like that before.
[05:21] ---
    Then, stand wherever you like!
[05:24] ---
    I envy them.
[05:38] ---
    Shinomiya, please come over here.
[05:41] ---
    For the last shot,
    let's take a keepsake photo.
[05:45] ---
    But...
[05:51] ---
    You don't have to do this for me.
[05:53] ---
    I'm not.
[05:56] ---
    This is what your friends want.
[06:06] ---
    Any more photos taken will be private!
[06:09] ---
    We can use your cell phone if you'd like.
[06:12] ---
    Then...
[06:31] ---
    Do you think it's broken?
[06:33] ---
    Non...
[06:38] ---
    I'll retrieve it.
[06:41] ---
    Shinomiya...
[07:14] ---
    It's kaput. No surprise.
[07:18] ---
    I probably lost all the photos I took.
[07:23] ---
    Maybe I should get a smartphone next time.
[07:26] ---
    I hear the photo resolution is great
    with the newer models!
[07:30] ---
    Then, I can do LINE, too.
[07:33] ---
    It'll give me a whole new avenue
    for defeating President!
[07:37] ---
    This is a blessing in disguise!
[07:42] ---
    It's actually a good opportunity.
[07:44] ---
    I needed something like this
    to force me to make a decision.
SIGN    "Student council election results Miyuki Shirogane Miko lino"
[07:46] ---
    Now, I'll be able to use
    Snow and Instagram, too!
[07:49] ---
    If I can figure them out.
[07:51] ---
    They say the photo resolution
    for phones these days is so good.
[07:55] ---
    Just think, I can use
    all of the social media apps.
[08:04] ---
    They're just photos.
    What am I crying for?
[08:10] ---
    I guess I'm more girly than I thought.
[08:22] ---
    "THE STUDENT COUNCIL
    IS GOING TO GET THAT GROUP PHOTO"
[08:22] ---
    I did check, and this model is not only old,
    but has corporate proprietary specs.
[08:28] ---
    There aren't any parts left to fix it,
[08:31] ---
    and I'm afraid there's no way to save the data.
[08:35] ---
    If you had an SD card attached,
    it may have been possible,
[08:39] ---
    but with this model,
    all of the data is stored internally, so...
[08:43] ---
    Then, that's that.
[08:45] ---
    Let's buy a smartphone and go home.
[08:48] ---
    Which one do you like?
[08:49] ---
    The same model as President.
[08:52] ---
    I want the same model as President.
[08:54] ---
    But think about that carefully!
[08:56] ---
    Lady Kaguya, if you choose
    the same model as President...
[09:00] ---
    Well, well. You bought
    the same phone I have, huh?
[09:03] ---
    You want to match me that badly?
[09:09] ---
    How cute.
[09:11] ---
    That will happen!
[09:12] ---
    I mean, he wouldn't
    actually be like that, but...
[09:14] ---
    What are you talking about?
[09:16] ---
    President wouldn't say those things.
[09:18] ---
    Wait. You're right, but...
[09:21] ---
    I feel like you've just betrayed me.
[09:24] ---
    I'm kind of tired.
[09:26] ---
    I'm in no mood to play along
    with your jokes, Hayasaka.
[09:28] ---
    I haven't cracked a single joke.
[09:32] ---
    President has an old smartphone, too,
    so you wouldn't find it here.
[09:37] ---
    Buy the latest model
    from the same brand instead.
[09:40] ---
    Here. This is a good one.
[09:42] ---
    The display is 4K HDR.
[09:46] ---
    It also has a look-ahead function
    that can even detect a smile.
[09:49] ---
    I don't feel like smiling.
[09:50] ---
    You can charge it with both USB Type-C and Qi.
[09:52] ---
    It's even 5G compatible?
[09:54] ---
    Ultrasonic fingerprint authentication?
    This is the future!
[09:57] ---
    These phone features are giving us
    phones of the future! Wow! This is amazing!
[09:59] ---
    I don't know what you're going on about.
    Just choose one.
[10:03] ---
    Ka...
[10:04] ---
    Kaguya! You finally bought a smartphone?
[10:07] ---
    "TA-DA"
[10:08] ---
    Well, after my previous phone broke...
[10:11] ---
    "FRET FRET"
[10:11] ---
    But you were so obstinate.
[10:13] ---
    Whatever I said,
    you were like, "I don't need it."
[10:14] ---
    "I've been getting along fine
    with this for years."
[10:16] ---
    Not buying a new phone
    was a point of pride for you!
[10:19] ---
    Welcome to civilized society.
[10:21] ---
    I wasn't that into my flip phone.
[10:25] ---
    Um, I installed LINE, but...
[10:30] ---
    Then, let's exchange IDs!
[10:32] ---
    We are in the age of information technology!
[10:33] ---
    Kaguya was forced to get a smartphone
    because flip phones have gone extinct.
[10:38] ---
    "SPARKLE"
[10:39] ---
    Everyone knows that a smartphone is an
    essential accessory for a high school student.
[10:40] ---
    Very nice.
[10:41] ---
    I love how you can do so many things with it.
[10:44] ---
    From making plans, to hanging out,
    to texting, everything happens via phone.
[10:47] ---
    When you don't get a reply right away,
    it seems like a matter of life and death.
[10:49] ---
    Some students even confess their love
    through a social media app. That's right.
[10:54] ---
    This past year has been a complete waste
[10:56] ---
    Yes. I don't even know
    how to use any of these functions.
[10:56] ---
    because these two weren't connected through LINE.
SIGN    "Do you want to add XXX as your friend? YES NO"
[10:58] ---
    Becoming a LINE friend is the ticket to love
    in this day and age in Japan.
[11:02] ---
    This is it!
[11:03] ---
    Now that she's bought a smartphone,
    I can ask her to exchange LINE IDs!
[11:07] ---
    But if I ask for her address,
    it's equivalent to a confession of love!
[11:12] ---
    Maybe, humans are creatures
    that never learn.
[11:17] ---
    Is that philosophy?
[11:18] ---
    I have to set up a situation!
[11:20] ---
    President, can I have your LINE ID?
[11:24] ---
    Sure. My ID, huh?
    Of course we can exchange IDs--
[11:28] ---
    "SCAN QR CODE TO ADD FRIENDS"
[11:29] ---
    Huh?
[11:30] ---
    Huh?
[11:31] ---
    "KAGUYA SHINOMIYA" "NEW FRIEND"
[11:34] ---
    Shinomiya asked me straight out
    without any tricks!
[11:37] ---
    Wait, is there something behind it?
[11:42] ---
    It doesn't seem like it.
[11:47] ---
    Secretary Fujiwara,
    is Shinomiya acting strange today?
[11:50] ---
    You finally picked up on that?
[11:53] ---
    That's what we've been talking about.
[11:56] ---
    Huh? Really?
[11:57] ---
    What's got her feeling down?
[12:01] ---
    Maybe a relative passed.
[12:03] ---
    Or she has a stomachache.
[12:05] ---
    Or she stayed up late playing video games.
[12:08] ---
    You're the only one who does that.
[12:10] ---
    Maybe it has something to do
    with her broken phone yesterday.
[12:13] ---
    I don't know.
[12:15] ---
    I can't picture that.
[12:18] ---
    Kaguya's family policy is not to talk
    to outsiders about their problems.
[12:22] ---
    So, maybe it's not a good idea
    to even spitball about it.
[12:26] ---
    Yeah.
[12:27] ---
    Everyone is worried about her.
[12:29] ---
    Maybe she'll bring it up herself,
[12:32] ---
    so why don't we interact normally
    with her for a while?
[12:34] ---
    You're probably right.
[12:37] ---
    Their decision was to act normal.
[12:40] ---
    They decided not to treat her
    like a fragile flower.
[12:42] ---
    This might seem callous to an outsider...
[12:46] ---
    "KAGUYA SHINOMIYA"
[12:47] ---
    This is Shinomiya's account.
[12:50] ---
    Maybe I'll send her a message.
[12:51] ---
    ...but actually...
[12:53] ---
    That's right.
[12:54] ---
    ...it was the right thing to do.
[13:01] ---
    This is...
[13:02] ---
    "SHUCHIIN STUDENT COUNCIL GROUP"
[13:03] ---
    I just created a group
    for the student council, so join in.
[13:06] ---
    Okay!
[13:07] ---
    Roger that.
[13:08] ---
    So, you didn't have a group before now, huh?
[13:10] ---
    "PHEW"
[13:10] ---
    Thank goodness. I thought maybe I was
    the only one who didn't get an invite.
[13:14] ---
    I wouldn't do that to you.
[13:17] ---
    While we're at it,
    let's make a shared album!
[13:20] ---
    We can upload whatever photos we want!
[13:23] ---
    Then...
[13:25] ---
    I'm going to upload the photos
    from the sports festival.
[13:27] ---
    Is it okay if I send over
    all of my photos from Snow?
[13:30] ---
    Okeydokey!
[13:35] ---
    President decided beforehand to make a group
    only when you got a smartphone.
[13:41] ---
    He said he didn't want you to be left out.
[13:44] ---
    But this is good timing.
[13:46] ---
    Shinomiya wasn't able to transfer data
    from her old phone...
[13:51] ---
    ...and an empty phone is kind of sad.
[13:54] ---
    What Kaguya wanted to hold on to
[13:57] ---
    was the record of the ordinary days
    she'd shared with a certain someone.
[14:03] ---
    "STUDENT COUNCIL PHOTOS"
[14:04] ---
    Her photos were proof of that.
[14:08] ---
    Kaguya was feeling down
    because she had lost all of those pictures.
[14:14] ---
    However, if you share
    your precious memories with others...
SIGN    "Student council election results Miyuki Shirogane Miko lino"
[14:25] ---
    If they are truly precious...
[14:29] ---
    the people who share those memories with you
    will want to hold on to them, too.
[14:34] ---
    You secretly took these photos.
[14:36] ---
    How cute.
[14:39] ---
    There are so many...
[14:41] ---
    Because we took so many!
[14:43] ---
    When my flip phone got demolished,
    I thought I'd lost all of them.
[14:55] ---
    But instead, I gained
    a lot more than I had before.
[15:05] ---
    Shinomiya, didn't that model just come out?
[15:10] ---
    Lucky!
[15:11] ---
    That's the one with
    the smile detection feature, right?
[15:14] ---
    You should give it a try.
[15:17] ---
    How do I do it?
SIGN    "In recognition of your enthusiasm and achievements"
[15:19] ---
    Just like this.
[15:21] ---
    Now smile, Kaguya!
[15:26] ---
    It won't take a photo until you smile.
[15:28] ---
    You, too, lino?
[15:30] ---
    But I'm used to looking serious for photos.
[15:32] ---
    You, too, President.
[15:33] ---
    Okay.
[15:35] ---
    All right, everyone, big smiles!
[15:39] ---
    Jeez!
[15:41] ---
    Today's battle result...
SIGN    "KAGUYA WINS SHE SUCCESSFULLY MADE HER SMARTPHONE DEBUT"
[15:44] ---
    Kaguya wins.
[15:47] ---
    "Now let's the three of us girls
    make a heart sign with our hands!"
[15:48] ---
    "Huh? L-Like this?"
[15:50] ---
    "I'll make the bottom part
    with a peace sign..."
[15:54] ---
    You can pump it as many times as you want,
[15:56] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once.
[15:59] ---
    And whoever reaches the limit loses!
    Wanna play that game?
[16:03] ---
    A game where you can pump it
    as many times as you want,
[16:05] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once,
    and whoever reaches the limit loses?
[16:09] ---
    What is that?
[16:10] ---
    Let's do it! Let's do it! Let's do it!
[16:11] ---
    "CHIKA FUJIWARA
    WANTS TO INFLATE"
[16:12] ---
    Fujiwara, please calm down.
[16:14] ---
    I don't understand
    the mechanics of this game.
[16:17] ---
    But why don't we give it a shot?
[16:19] ---
    Shall we?
[16:20] ---
    "BRAVO"
[16:20] ---
    Hooray for daring boys!
[16:23] ---
    I'll get it set up!
[16:26] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[16:26] ---
    Oh, this is what she was talking about!
[16:29] ---
    A game in which you can pump it
    as many times as you want,
[16:30] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once,
    and whoever reaches the limit loses?
[16:35] ---
    "LEARN THE GAME IN SECONDS!"
[16:36] ---
    Here are the rules!
[16:37] ---
    You take turns, with each person
    pumping as many times as they want,
[16:37] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[16:42] ---
    but you have to pump it at least once.
[16:46] ---
    You keep going until the balloon
    reaches its limit and bursts!
[16:46] ---
    "POP"
[16:48] ---
    I see.
[16:49] ---
    I thought you had some dirty game
    in mind at first...
[16:52] ---
    "GLOOM"
[16:52] ---
    Why aren't you two into it anymore?
[16:55] ---
    If we refused to participate now,
    that would be telling.
[16:57] ---
    It'd be totally obvious.
[16:59] ---
    I bet she set us up on purpose!
[17:02] ---
    I'd lay 50-50 odds on that.
[17:04] ---
    That girl is an eternal mystery.
[17:06] ---
    Where did you get this?
[17:08] ---
    At the end of the sports festival,
    we released balloons, remember?
[17:11] ---
    I thought throwing them all away
    would be a waste, so I kept a big one.
[17:14] ---
    That's very ecologically-minded of you!
[17:16] ---
    Kaguya and Miko,
    you two will play, too, won't you?
[17:19] ---
    Oh sure, after all that build-up.
[17:21] ---
    Well, if everyone else is going to do it...
[17:23] ---
    Then, the order will be President,
    Kaguya, Ishigami, me, and Miko!
[17:29] ---
    Let the game begin.
[17:31] ---
    Well, it's not like
    there's any punishment if I fail.
[17:34] ---
    Or I guess the punishment would be
    a balloon popping in your face.
[17:35] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:37] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:39] ---
    I don't mind that.
[17:39] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:40] ---
    It's all in fun.
[17:41] ---
    "PUMP"
[17:42] ---
    It's been a long time
    since I've played a low-stress game.
[17:43] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[17:45] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[17:46] ---
    Yay!
[17:54] ---
    "BOOM"
[17:54] ---
    Wait, you're really pumping it up!
[17:56] ---
    That's right!
[17:57] ---
    No, this is bad!
[17:59] ---
    If it pops right before my eyes,
    I'll be scared out of my wits!
[18:03] ---
    And if I'm scared out of my wits...
[18:05] ---
    Scared by a popping balloon...
[18:07] ---
    How cute.
[18:10] ---
    Calm down, man!
[18:12] ---
    Look!
[18:13] ---
    It doesn't faze Shinomiya at all!
[18:15] ---
    What kind of man am I
    if this terrifies me?
[18:18] ---
    Kaguya has never played this game
    in which you burst a balloon on purpose.
[18:25] ---
    So, naturally, she's nervous.
[18:27] ---
    Kaguya is a teenager after all.
[18:30] ---
    And like any teenager,
    she has a fear of the unknown.
[18:35] ---
    However...
[18:38] ---
    Jeez...
[18:40] ---
    What is it about this
    that you all find so frightening?
[18:43] ---
    Kaguya...
[18:45] ---
    You have to inflate the balloon
    with both hands!
[18:48] ---
    The calming ritual!
[18:52] ---
    No way! I'm scared! I don't wanna do this!
    Don't make me do this!
[18:55] ---
    I should never have said I would do it!
    What's fun about this? I hate it!
[18:57] ---
    Save me, Hayasaka!
[19:03] ---
    Go, go, Kaguya!
[19:04] ---
    You'll pay.
[19:06] ---
    I swear I'll make that balloon bimbo pay!
[19:10] ---
    "PUMP"
[19:11] ---
    Okay, Ishigami, you're next!
[19:13] ---
    After that impressive declaration,
    you only pump it once?
[19:15] ---
    You should talk, scaredy-cat Ishigami!
[19:18] ---
    A scaredy-cat?
[19:20] ---
    I sure was.
[19:21] ---
    Well...
[19:24] ---
    Watch this.
[19:25] ---
    Yu Ishigami has moved beyond fear.
[19:28] ---
    He has recently overcome numerous hardships
    and has taken a step forward in his life.
[19:34] ---
    That's right.
[19:36] ---
    The important thing
    is to keep your eyes wide open.
[19:38] ---
    I realized that I was afraid of so many things
    because I avoided looking at them.
[19:43] ---
    But if I take a good look, nothing will--
[19:44] ---
    "GLARE"
[19:46] ---
    I got a good look,
    and it scares the hell out of me!
[19:55] ---
    I'll wait for my chance to sneak out of here!
[19:56] ---
    Apparently, the entire
    sports festival arc was pointless.
[19:58] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:00] ---
    Okay, Fujiwara's next!
[20:02] ---
    You only pumped it once yourself, Ishigami.
[20:04] ---
    Miss Fujiwara...
[20:06] ---
    Would you like some tangerines?
[20:07] ---
    The rind of citrus fruits contains
    limonene which can dissolve rubber.
[20:07] ---
    "RUMBLE RUMBLE"
[20:11] ---
    If one drop of tangerine juice
    hits the balloon, it'll explode.
[20:13] ---
    I'll have some later.
[20:15] ---
    Regrettably, Kaguya's plan failed.
[20:17] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:19] ---
    Okay, Miko, you're up!
[20:21] ---
    You only pumped it once, Fujiwara.
[20:26] ---
    "PUMP"
[20:27] ---
    You can do it, Miko!
[20:30] ---
    Keep going!
[20:30] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[20:32] ---
    Okay.
[20:33] ---
    You've got more pumps in you!
[20:35] ---
    But...
SIGN    "FIRST-YEAR MIKO IINO IS PLAYING THAT GAME!!"
[20:36] ---
    And...
[20:37] ---
    At that moment, they all
    thought Fujiwara was scum.
[20:40] ---
    "PUMP PUMP"
[20:42] ---
    Show me that you've got what it takes
    to be the next student council president!
[20:44] ---
    The greater the fear, the more valuable
    the courage you can muster!
[20:47] ---
    That's true strength, lino!
[20:49] ---
    Yet, they all joined in.
[20:51] ---
    "OOOH OOOH"
[20:54] ---
    Is this enough?
[20:56] ---
    I don't think it can stand any more.
[21:03] ---
    "SWISH"
[21:04] ---
    That's right.
[21:04] ---
    This is a game of wits.
[21:06] ---
    If the balloon doesn't burst
    during my turn, I win.
[21:07] ---
    I'm only doing this because I want to win!
    It's not because I'm scared!
[21:14] ---
    Huh? Was that a bug?
[21:16] ---
    Yes, I saw it flying near you.
[21:18] ---
    The game is up!
[21:19] ---
    Even Kaguya can't hide her despair!
[21:23] ---
    Shinomiya...
[21:24] ---
    Maybe she has issues with this kind of thing.
[21:27] ---
    Is she only participating because
    she didn't want to ruin it for everyone else?
[21:32] ---
    If so, then I...
[21:35] ---
    Miyuki...
[21:37] ---
    I'm not a good person.
[21:39] ---
    There isn't anything I can teach you.
[21:43] ---
    But...
[21:44] ---
    I want you to promise me just one thing.
[21:48] ---
    A man always protects
    the friends he loves...
[21:49] ---
    ...the woman he loves...
    when they're in trouble.
[21:54] ---
    He'll face any hardship if he has to.
[21:58] ---
    Become that kind of man.
[22:02] ---
    That's all I'm asking of you.
[22:05] ---
    Dad...
[22:07] ---
    The son recalled his father's words...
[22:10] ---
    All right, it's Shinomiya's turn!
[22:12] ---
    ...but completely ignored them.
[22:14] ---
    Well, good luck, Shinomiya!
[22:17] ---
    I'm having those tangerines now!
[22:20] ---
    To reiterate, the rind of citrus fruits
    contains limonene which can dissolve rubber,
[22:26] ---
    so if one drop of tangerine juice
    hits the balloon...
[22:31] ---
    My life is flashing before my eyes!
[22:32] ---
    I haven't accomplished anything yet!
[22:35] ---
    Sky burial!
[22:43] ---
    Thank you!
[22:52] ---
    I'm watching.
[22:58] ---
    Bye-bye, way to die!
[23:02] ---
    Today's battle result...
[23:04] ---
    Results invalid.
[23:07] ---
    And so...
[23:11] ---
    Think, Miyuki Shirogane.
[23:13] ---
    Don't just reach out a hand here.
[23:15] ---
    Be smart and bold.
[23:17] ---
    Nonchalantly draw out
    Shinomiya's affection for you.
[23:21] ---
    This is your chance, Kaguya Shinomiya.
[23:23] ---
    Play up your girlishness...
[23:25] ---
    and let President take hold of your hand now
    when he's in a mentally weakened state.
[23:28] ---
    Are you okay, Shinomiya?
[23:30] ---
    Y-Yes.
[23:35] ---
    And then, if all goes well...
[23:40] ---
    I'll make him
    confess his love for me!
[23:45] ---
    The battle rages on...
[23:48] ---
    ...and on...
[23:49] ---
    ...and on...
[23:51] ---
    ...and continues!
[23:52] ---
    "CONFESSION"
[23:55] ---
    "THE 68th STUDENT COUNCIL"