E99 - "Life and Video Games are Full of Bugs"
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN [A video game battle to win the new Bentendo OwEe game console.]
SIGN [The first battle is between Kondo and the mysterious plumber, Katsuo. Who will win?! The Odd Jobs or the Shinsengumi?!]
[01:05] Manager
Now then, everyone, what kind of show
[01:09] Manager
will these chosen individuals give us in order to win the new Bentendo OwEe game console?
[01:15] ---
The first battle, the girl game challenge, will now begin!
SIGN ["Life and Video Games are Full of Bugs"]
[01:25] Kondo
I don't care if you're Mario or Sonic--it doesn't matter to me.
[01:28] Kondo
I'm a Zony fan! I'm going to give you a thorough thrashing!
SIGN [Note: Zony is a parody of Sony.]
[01:32] Hanano
Whoa, what's this?!
[01:34] ---
The Shinsengumi is skipping all of the text without reading it.
[01:37] ---
He's fast! We can't tell what the story's about!
[01:40] Kondo
I told you that I know all about girl games.
[01:44] Kondo
I know exactly what I have to do, even in the new ones.
[01:46] Kondo
In this part, I'm going to meet the heroine by bumping into her.
SIGN [This is bad. I'm going to be late.]
[01:50] ---
She's going to have a slice of bread in her mouth and I'm going to see her underwear.
[01:52] Kondo
There it is!
[01:53] Maguko
Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow.
[01:54] Maguko
Hey! What are you looking at?
[01:56] Kondo (Mono)
A swordfish?!
[01:58] Kondo (Mono)
This girl is not going to school with a slice of bread in her mouth, but with a swordfish!
[02:02] Kondo (Mono)
What does she eat for breakfast?!
[02:04] Hanano
What's the meaning of this?
[02:06] Yamada
The heroine of Bakiboki Memorial is quite different. She's rather eccentric.
[02:10] Kondo
She's eccentric?! This is pretty fishy!
[02:13] Kondo (Mono)
Are you saying that I have to bonk a smelly girl who has a swordfish in her mouth?
[02:17] ---
No, calm down. No matter what she has in her mouth, she's still a girl from a girl game.
[02:21] Kondo (Mono)
"A, help her. B, hurry to school." The answer is, of course, to help her...
[02:26] Isao
Are you all right?
[02:27] Kondo (Mono)
Not the swordfish!
[02:28] Yamada
Oh, he's gone down the swordfish route.
[02:31] Shinpachi
What's the swordfish route?!
[02:33] Yamada
From this point on, he'll become a swordfish and won't be able to feel anything or move for thirty minutes.
[02:36] Shinpachi
Why is there such a drastic choice right in the beginning?!
[02:39] Kondo
I-Impossible. All that data I've gathered up to now doesn't help!
[02:43] Hanano
Thirty minutes of lost time! This is quite a blow to the Shinsengumi team!
[02:48] Katsura
Love doesn't always go according to the data you've collected.
[02:50] Katsura
Unexpected things always happen in love.
[02:54] Katsura
I won't make the same mistake.
[02:55] Katsura
Though B seems heartless, it's the correct choice.
[02:59] Maguko
That's terrible of you to dump me!
[03:02] Kondo
Why?!
[03:04] Kondo
There's a limit to how unexpected things can get!
[03:07] Katsura
I never expected her to stab me with the swordfish...
[03:10] ---
Love really is deep.
[03:12] Shinpachi
This isn't love!
[03:13] ---
What kind of world has a love story where the main character gets stabbed
[03:15] ---
with a swordfish just five minutes after meeting the heroine?!
[03:18] Hanano
Whoa! The Odd Jobs team has to start from the beginning.
[03:21] Hanano
Both players are neck-and-neck!
[03:24] Shinpachi
This is more than just even!
[03:26] ---
We still haven't heard the heroine's name!
[03:28] Man D
Hey! How long is it going to take to settle this?!
[03:31] Man E
Besides, it's weird to be challenging each other in a girl game!
[03:34] Hanano
Whoa! The spectators are voicing their discontent.
[03:37] Yamada
Manager!
[03:38] Manager
Yes.
[03:40] Manager
We shall hold the second battle simultaneously.
SIGN [Nobunaga's Regurgitation] [Note: Parody of the game "Nobunaga's Ambition."]
[03:43] Manager
This is the game: Nobunaga's Regurgitation.
[03:47] Manager
A drunk Nobunaga will vomit various shapes from above the screen.
[03:51] ---
When you line them up in a row, the vomit will disappear...
[03:54] Manager
And your opponent's Nobunaga will throw up.
[03:55] Manager
When your screen is filled with vomit, you lose.
[03:58] Shinpachi
That's just a terrible version of Tetris! What's with this screen?!
[04:01] Shinpachi
Why are you trying to make it look like it's part of the Ambition series?!
[04:04] Gintoki
Shinpachi, it's your turn.
[04:06] Shinpachi
Why me?
[04:07] Gintoki
Well, just because...
[04:09] Hijikata
Yamazaki!
[04:11] Hanano
Whoa! Bland looking players have been chosen to play this unexpectedly bland looking game.
[04:15] Yamazaki
That was unnecessarily mean!
[04:17] Manager
Let the game begin!!
[04:21] Shinpachi
Whoa, that's gross!! Who made this game?!
[04:24] Shinpachi
This is a complete joke!!
[04:26] Shinpachi
Hey! Nobunaga's thrown up a lot from the start!
[04:31] ---
Huh?
[04:31] ---
Why is it like that only on my side?
[04:33] Shinpachi
What's the meaning of this?!
[04:34] Shinpachi
Why is it that only my Nobunaga is completely drunk?!
[04:37] Hanano
He drank quite a bit yesterday, didn't he?
[04:39] Yamada
He probably got smashed after the incident at Honnoji Temple.
SIGN [Note: Historically, Oda Nobunaga was attacked by his traitorous general Alechi Mitsuhide at Honnoji Temple.]
[04:43] Shinpachi
I don't care!! Don't drag things from the past with you!!
[04:45] Hanano
The Shinsengumi team's Nobunaga doesn't seem so drunk.
[04:49] Yamada
It's probably after the battle of Okehazama.
SIGN [Note: Historically, Oda Nobunaga (outnumbered 10 to 1) defeated Imagawa Yoshimoto in the battle of Okehazama.]
[04:50] Yamada
He probably had a good drink after his miraculous victory.
[04:53] Shinpachi
Both drank until they threw up?!
[04:56] ---
This is tough!!
[04:57] Shinpachi
I can't handle this much vomit!!
[04:59] Kagura
Shinpachi!
[05:00] Gintoki
This is bad...
[05:01] Gintoki
Shinpachi's begun to panic. He's lost his calm sense of judgment.
[05:06] Gintoki
He won't be able to make the rows disappear like he would normally be able to.
[05:09] Gintoki
In contrast, his opponent is slowly but steadily getting rid of each row.
[05:15] Gintoki
The person who uses the blandest method will win this battle.
[05:18] Gintoki
Shinpachi will lose if he doesn't realize this.
[05:22] Kondo
It looks like that challenge has already been decided.
[05:25] Kondo
I should say, it's been decided on this side as well.
[05:27] Kondo
I managed to set up a date with Maguko-chan.
[05:32] Katsura
With her mother tagging along? You can't really call that a date.
[05:35] Maguko
Isao-san!
[05:37] Kondo
What? What about you?! You still haven't even set up a date.
[05:40] Katsura
I did. With just the two of us.
[05:42] Kondo
What?!
[05:43] Maguko’S Mother B
Katsuo-kun!
[05:44] Kondo
With her mother?!
[05:46] Kondo
Why are you hitting on her mother?!
[05:49] Katsura
She said she lost her husband earlier and she's lonely.
[05:52] Kondo
This is a girl game! This isn't a soap opera!
[05:55] Hanano
This is amazing! He's ignored the main heroine and went on to seduce her mother.
[06:00] Maguko’S Mother 2
Where shall we go today?!
[06:01] Hanano
This is bad. If he doesn't bonk Maguko, he cannot win this battle.
[06:06] Gintoki (Mono)
This is bad. Zura's love of housewives has turned problematic!
[06:11] Kondo
This challenge has been decided! Even if her mother's with her, this is a da...
[06:15] Maguko’S Mother 2
This jar is called the Jar of Happiness.
[06:19] Maguko’S Mother 2
Right now, you can buy it for just ten million yen.
[06:22] Maguko
Isn't that cheap?
[06:23] Hanano
He's being suckered! They see him as a sucker, not a boyfriend.
SIGN [What will you do? A) Buy the jar B) Be happy]
[06:29] Hanano
Furthermore, because of his choices, he has to buy the jar.
[06:33] Hanano
It's game over! This is harsh! He's come this far only to start all over again.
SIGN [You are on a tuna fishing boat.]
SIGN [Would you like to start from the beginning? Yes No]
[06:37] Kondo
Tsk! I messed up... She still didn't like me enough to let me ask her on a date... Oh well.
[06:44] ---
The other side isn't going to bonk the main heroine any time soon.
[06:47] Maguko’S Mother 2
Katsuo-san, my daughter is in our way.
[06:50] Maguko’S Mother 2
In order for us to live together, we have to kill her.
[06:53] Kondo
It's turned into a suspense game!
[06:56] Maguko’S Mother 2
I'll lure her out and you bonk her off the cliff!
[07:01] Kondo
Huh?
[07:02] Hanano
Whoa! There's suddenly an indication that the main heroine Maguko is going to get bonked.
[07:07] Kondo
Bonked? What?! Is that what they meant?!
[07:10] Kondo
Hold on a second! No way... Huh? Hey...
[07:13] Kondo (Mono)
Was he going for that from the start?
[07:15] Kondo (Mono)
Is that why he approached her mother?!
[07:18] Katsura
I told you that you can't predict what's going to happen in love.
[07:22] Hanano
It's over! This settles things!
[07:26] Hanano
The Shinsengumi team has taken his hands off his controller...
[07:32] Yamazaki
Shinpachi-kun, too bad for you.
[07:34] Yamazaki
I thought you would be on the same level as me.
[07:38] Yamazaki
It looks like I was wrong.
[07:42] Yamazaki
Even if you don't stand out, you've still got your straight man comments.
[07:45] Yamazaki
I only have badminton and kabaddi. We're of a different class.
[07:50] Yamazaki
You and I are of different levels of blandness.
[07:56] Hanano
It's over! This is probably it.
[08:00] Hanano
The Odd Jobs team has taken his hands off his controller...
[08:11] Hanano
What is this sound?!
[08:13] Hanano
Oh!
[08:15] Hanano
Wh-What's this?! Maguko's nipple!!
[08:18] Hanano
He's using the command to inspect it over and over!!
[08:21] Hanano
And what's this?! Vomit is being slammed against the wall between the players!
[08:27] ---
They're not dead yet!
[08:30] Hanano
They're getting in rapid hits!! Maguko's nipple is being poked at incredible speeds!
[08:35] Hanano
And on this side...he's using a ruler!! He's using a ruler to make rapid hits!!
[08:40] Hanano
It's bland. It's bland and unfair, but they have incredible power!
[08:43] Katsura
It's useless! Are you saying that you're going to bonk Maguko before I kill her?!
[08:48] Yamazaki
What are you trying to do, Shinpachi-kun? It's useless. This battle is already...
[08:51] Gintoki
When Yoshimoto Imagawa attacked, Nobunaga Oda...
[08:55] Hijikata
He never gave up even though he was clearly outnumbered.
[09:01] Katsura
What's this?! Maguko's face is slowly turning red!
[09:05] Yamazaki
Impossible! The wall between the players broke and vomit is flowing into the other side!
[09:11] Hijikata
The guts to never give up or yield.
[09:14] Gintoki
That's what brought on the miracle at Okehazama.
[09:17] Kondo
- It's as you say.
- It's as you say.
[09:19] Kondo
You don't know what's going to happen in love.
[09:22] Shinpachi
You and I are of different levels of blandness.
[09:25] Hijikata
Those who don't give up easily...
[09:28] Gintoki
...can't be defeated by anyone.
SIGN
[09:32] Hijikata
But that has absolutely nothing to do with this.
[09:37] Manager
The winner is Sagaru Yamazaki!
[09:39] Manager
The winner is Katsuo!
[09:41] Shinpachi
I lost kind of blandly.
[09:43] Kondo
This is kind of embarrassing.
[09:45] Okita
Now we're one against one. The battle will be decided by the remaining two.
[09:50] Okita
Which one do you want to play? I don't care either way. Both look interesting.
[09:55] Hijikata
Both look terrible.
[09:57] Gintoki
GinTama's going to end its second year, so I guess I should clean up.
[10:01] Kagura
Let's clean up the garbage and start up the third year fresh.
[10:06] Okita
Master, for some stations, this is the final episode.
[10:10] Gintoki
Huh? Is that so...
[10:13] Manager
Now then, the battle for the OwEe is headed towards its climax.
[10:19] Manager
The first battle was a girl game battle.
[10:21] ---
The Odd Jobs team won by understanding the game's strange scenario
[10:24] ---
that wasn't really bittersweet, but just plain sour.
[10:28] Manager
The second battle was a puzzle game battle.
[10:30] ---
The Shinsengumi team won by using a bland strategy
[10:34] ---
that makes you ask yourself whether this is any fun.
[10:36] Manager
The final battle will decide the victors.
[10:39] Manager
It is a two-on-two tag match.
[10:42] Hijikata
A tag match? I never heard anything about this.
[10:44] Okita
Well, why not? I can crush three nuisances at the same time.
[10:48] Hijikata
Why am I included?!
[10:50] Kagura
Bring it on. Try to crush us.
[10:53] Kagura
Strange juices might come flying from our hands.
[10:56] Gintoki
The OwEe is ours. Let's settle this.
SIGN [Note: Parody of Dragon Quest.]
[10:59] Hanano
This is the game you will play! Dragon Hunter 3!
[11:03] Hanano
It's an online game in which you are a hero who has to defeat a dark lord who's planning to take over the world.
[11:07] ---
You form a party and try to complete the game.
[11:11] Hanano
This game is the OwEe's best selling point.
[11:13] Hanano
It's a new game that makes use of a virtual controller.
[11:16] Hanano
By wearing these goggles, gloves, and boots...
[11:20] Hanano
You can enjoy this game as if you were really inside the game world.
[11:36] Kagura
Whoa!
[11:38] ---
This is amazing!
[11:40] Kagura
It looks like we're really in the game!
[11:42] Kagura
Gin-chan, hurry this way!
SIGN
SIGN
[11:44] Gintoki
Hey, my name is wrong. It's listed as Kintoki.
[11:48] Hanano
Names can only be four characters long.
[11:51] Hanano
And you can't change you name once it's been assigned, so please tolerate it.
[11:54] Gintoki
Why is only this part of it like a Famicom?
SIGN
SIGN
[Note: "Smegma" is
partially censored.]
[11:56] Okita
Hijikata-san, neither your first nor your last name fits, so I gave you a random name.
[12:01] Hijikata
Hey, someone let me switch teams.
[12:03] Hanano
I'd like to say that the first person to defeat the dark lord is the winner,
[12:08] Hanano
but we don't have the time for that.
[12:09] ---
So the first person to defeat the group of bandits who live in the cave to the north will be the winner.
[12:13] Manager
Begin the game!
[12:16] Kagura
All right! Let's go!
[12:18] Gintoki
Wait. We'll be easily defeated at this level.
[12:21] Gintoki
We need to make preparations.
[12:23] Okita
What should we do? Shall we go buy some weapons?
[12:26] Okita
Or should we gather some information in town, Smegma-san?
[12:29] Hijikata
Hey, why is it that only my hit points are so low?
[12:32] Hijikata
Why am I in the red from the moment I was created?
[12:35] Okita
Who knows? I guess it's because you're Smegma.
[12:38] Hanano
It seems that hit points are distributed at random.
[12:41] Hanano
The Shinsengumi team is at a disadvantage from the beginning.
[12:43] Hijikata
You've got to be kidding me!! Even a slime could kill me in a single hit!
SIGN [Note: A slime is the weakest monster in Dragon Quest.]
[12:48] Gintoki
You can slowly raise your levels here!
[12:51] Gintoki
I don't know how many decades that'll take, though!
[12:55] Gintoki
Hey! Why is it that I was poisoned from the beginning of the game?!
SIGN [Level 1
HP 15]
SIGN [Level 1
HP 14
Poisoned]
[12:59] Gintoki
Why was my screen green from the moment I was created?!
[13:01] Kagura
This is why men are so hopeless... What woman did you get that from?!
[13:05] Hanano
It seems there are still bugs in the game because it's still being developed.
[13:08] Gintoki
You've got to be kidding!
[13:10] Gintoki
My hit points are going to fall to zero before I even leave this town!
[13:13] ---
Kagura, get me an antidote! Quickly, get me some antidote herbs!
[13:16] Kagura
Okay!
[13:16] Hijikata
How pathetic. We'll be moving ahead in this game while you're fooling around.
[13:21] Hijikata
Ow.
[13:22] Hijikata
What the-?!
[13:24] Hanano
Whoa! Smegma has died.
[13:26] Hanano
It seems that he lost all his hit points when he stubbed his toe on that sign.
[13:31] Shinpachi
How weak is he? What is this, Spelunker?!
SIGN [Note: Refers to the Spelunker game, widely known to be unfairly difficult.]
[13:33] Okita
What are you doing, Hero Smegma?
[13:35] Okita
Give me a break. I don't want to travel around dragging this heavy coffin.
[13:40] Hijikata
Wait! Hey! Take me to a church! Hero-sama!
[13:45] Okita
It's all right.
[13:46] Okita
I don't have the gold pieces necessary to bring you back to life at a church.
[13:50] Okita
I'm going to defeat some monsters and make some money.
[13:52] Hijikata
Hey! There aren't any monsters in there!
[13:54] Hijikata
There's only the monster called desire!
[13:56] Hanano
He's been left behind! The hero Smegma has been completely left behind!
[14:00] ---
Meanwhile, at the Odd Jobs team...
[14:01] Elder
Somewhere in this world there's a medicine that an elf made that can cure any disease.
[14:08] Elder
According to rumors, it's in a treasure trove in the fortress city of Pales.
[14:12] Elder
But Pales is occupied by Berias, the leader of the demons.
[14:17] Kagura
Really? Can it even cure poison?
[14:20] Gintoki
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[14:21] Elder
Don't do it. You can't reach Pales at your level.
[14:26] Kagura
I won't know unless I try.
[14:28] Gintoki
Kagura, you don't need something as grand as that!
[14:30] Gintoki
I just need antidote herbs! They sell it at the item shops for ten gold pieces.
[14:34] Elder
So you still wish to go. In that case, I have no choice.
[14:38] Elder
According to rumors, Berias spits poison.
[14:42] Elder
Take these antidote herbs.
[14:45] Gintoki
That's it! Kagura, that's it!
[14:47] Kagura
Thank you, elder. I'm going to defeat Berias.
[14:50] Gintoki
Are you listening to me?! And why are you eating those?!
[14:54] Gintoki
At least use them during your fight with Berias!
[14:57] Elder
Beria's weak spot is his head. Don't lose.
[15:01] Gintoki
No! Her head is even more of a weakness than it is for Berias!
[15:05] Kagura
Gin-chan, wait for me!
[15:06] Gintoki
Hey, wait!
[15:08] Hanano
He's been left behind! Someone has been left behind on this side, too!
[15:13] Hanano
Now what is he going to do?! Nothing's going to get better at this rate.
[15:17] Gintoki
We're not going anywhere at this rate.
[15:19] Gintoki
Hey, help me out.
[15:20] Hijikata
Help you? No way. You're my enemy. Why do I have to help you?
[15:24] Gintoki
You could wait in that coffin for your partner who shows no signs of returning,
[15:27] Gintoki
or you could get yourself out of this situation and advance. Which do you choose?
[15:31] Hijikata
I'm just a corpse. What can I do?
[15:35] Gintoki
Right now...
[15:36] Gintoki
Curing my poison and bringing you back to life can be all dealt with if we see a priest at a church.
[15:42] ---
But I need to walk more than fifteen steps to get to a church.
[15:46] Gintoki
If I do that, I'll use up all of my hit points. I'll die.
[15:52] Hijikata
So what do you want me to do?
[15:53] Gintoki
In short, I have to move without walking.
[15:58] Hanano
Whoa! Could this be...? It's a sled!
SIGN [SMEGMA
Level 1
HP 0
Dead]
SIGN [KINTOKI
Level 1
HP 11
Poisoned]
[16:01] Hanano
He's using a coffin as a sled!
[16:03] Hanano
But a sled can't move in a place without any slopes.
[16:09] Hanano
Whoa, it's a rope!!
[16:10] ---
But there aren't any horses... In this town...
[16:15] Hanano
There is something!
[16:16] Hanano
It's the elder! It's the antidote elder from earlier!
[16:21] Hanano
The elder wanders around until a traveler talks to him.
[16:25] Hanano
They're planning on making him pull the coffin to get to the church!
[16:28] Gintoki
Go, Elder!
[16:30] Hanano
How inhumane! What un-hero-like conduct!
[16:32] Hanano
What will the elder do about the hero's unorthodox actions?!
[16:38] Hanano
Whoa! The elder isn't heading to the church at all!
[16:41] Hanano
As usual, he's moving at random.
[16:44] Gintoki
Old man! Hey, act like an old man and go to pray! Please!
[16:49] Hanano
Whoa! This is bad!
[16:51] Hanano
They're headed into the field into the worst possible situation!
[16:55] Hijikata
What the hell are you doing?!
[16:56] Hijikata
I was tolerating this embarrassing treatment because you told me
[16:59] Hijikata
that you were going to bring me back to life!
[17:00] Gintoki
Shut up! I'm still poisoned!
[17:04] Hanano
This is dangerous.
[17:05] Hanano
If they run into a monster in this terrible situation, the whole party may be destroyed.
[17:10] Gintoki
Elder! Turn back! Come back, Elder!
SIGN [There is no response. It's just an elder.] [Note: Parody of Dragon Quest line "There is no response. It's just a corpse."]
[17:15] Gintoki
This is bad. The elder is definitely angry!
[17:18] Hijikata
That can't be! The elder exists only to give travelers antidote herbs!
[17:24] Gintoki
No, somehow I get the feeling he's headed to an area where enemies will appear.
[17:28] Hijikata
No! The elder is just walking at random! The elder isn't that sort of person!
[17:32] Gintoki
What's your problem? What do you know about the elder?
[17:37] Hanano
There they are! Monsters! Monsters have appeared!
SIGN [Monsters have appeared]
SIGN [Command: Fight Run Away Spells Items]
[17:42] Gintoki
Elder! Run away! Old man! What are you doing? I'll kill you!
[17:48] Gintoki
Elder! That old man just smirked at me! He definitely smirked at me just now!
SIGN [There is no response.]
SIGN [It's just an elder.]
[17:52] Hijikata
No! The elder's not that sort of person!
[17:56] Gintoki
This is bad. They're coming!
SIGN [Monster A has attacked]
[17:57] Hijikata
Do something. If you die, we'll be wiped out!
[18:00] Gintoki
What am I supposed to do? I don't have weapons, or tools, or anything...
SIGN [Command: Fight Run Away Spells Items → Elder]
[18:03] ---
Elder! Why are you in “Items”?!
[18:06] ---
Now's not the time to complain.
[18:08] Gintoki
I'm desperate!
[18:10] Hijikata
Hey, wait! Don't tell me that you're going to use the elder to…
[18:12] Gintoki
Elder!
SIGN [Critical Hit]
SIGN [You have defeated the monsters.]
[18:16] Hanano
Whoa! He used the elder as a weapon to overcome this difficult challenge!
[18:20] Hijikata
Elder!
[18:21] Gintoki
What incredible power…
[18:23] Gintoki
Thank you, Elder. Umm… Sorry for doing terrible things to you earlier.
SIGN [There is no response. It's just a corpse.]
[18:30] Gintoki
Elder!
[18:32] Hanano
Whoa! The elder has become a corpse.
[18:35] Hijikata
Hey, this is completely your doing…
[18:37] Gintoki
No. The elder's natural life just came to an end.
[18:40] Gintoki
It just happened to come exactly at this moment.
[18:42] Hijikata
You definitely did it! Turn yourself in!
[18:44] Gintoki
Shut up. You're just a corpse, too. Don't talk back.
SIGN [KAGURA
Level 82
HP 523]
[18:59] Kagura
The elder's presence has disappeared! Did something happen to him?
[19:02] Gintoki
Anyway, how strong did you get?!
[19:06] Berias
That elder is no longer of this world.
[19:09] Gintoki
She's already defeating guys who look way stronger than bandits!
[19:12] Berias
The dark lord already has the medicine…
[19:14] Gintoki
That's enough. Go and defeat the bandits already!
[19:20] Gintoki
I've got to do something about it myself.
[19:22] Hijikata
How are you using the elder?!
[19:25] Hanano
The hero Kintoki has finally charged into the bandit's cave!
[19:28] Hanano
Oh! That's a save point and a spring of healing.
[19:34] Hanano
They did it! They can finally recover, after coming all the way here.
[19:41] Gintoki
Sorry, but from this point on, we're enemies.
[19:43] Gintoki
Be careful not to stub your toes, Smegma.
[19:48] Hijikata
Hold up! Give me the elder.
[19:51] Gintoki
What are you saying?!
[19:52] Hijikata
Don't make the elder suffer any more.
[19:54] Gintoki
What?! We've come this far because of Elder-sama.
[19:58] Hijikata
That's why I'm telling you to not desecrate the dead anymore.
[20:02] Gintoki
The elder's not dead. He's still alive in my heart.
[20:05] Hanano
Whoa! The two are starting to fight over the elder right before their battle with the boss.
[20:10] Gintoki
Are you telling me to part with the elder after all we went through?
[20:12] Gintoki
I can't live without the elder anymore.
[20:15] Hijikata
The elder should be returned to the town.
[20:17] Hijikata
Adventurers need the elder.
[20:19] Gintoki
The elder is forever going to be known amongst adventurers
[20:23] Gintoki
as the legendary boomerang that defeated the bandits.
[20:26] Hanano
Whoa! While they were fighting, the boss battle has already begun!
SIGN [A group of bandits has appeared.]
[20:30] Hijikata
Give him to me!
[20:31] Gintoki
Let go!
[20:31] Hanano
Oh no, look out!
[20:33] Gintoki
I understand. You understand?
[20:34] Gintoki
Let's split him evenly.
[20:37] Hijikata
Make sure you split him evenly down the middle.
[20:41] Hanano
They split him!
[20:43] ---
They split the elder!
[20:48] Gintoki
Elder! Elder!
[20:56] Hijikata
Hey, it's kind of difficult to use his top half.
[20:59] Hijikata
Trade with me.
[21:00] Hanano
And who's the one who was talking about desecrating the dead?!
[21:08] Hijikata
Thank you, Elder!
[21:10] Hijikata
Where's the leader?!
[21:12] Hanano
Bandits continue to be defeated thanks to the elder.
[21:16] Hanano
The conclusion has come!
[21:18] ---
Who's going to get the bandit leader's head?!
[21:22] Hanano
Whoa! Suddenly, lightning strikes!
[21:24] Hanano
What is this power that rivals even that of the elder?!
[21:28] Okita
It's the king.
[21:29] Hanano
It's the hero Okita! It's the hero Okita!
[21:32] Okita
I hit a jackpot at the casino, and I bought a king.
[21:36] Gintoki
What do you mean you bought a king?!
What in the world did you do?!
[21:40] Bandit B
You bastard!
[21:40] Bandit C
You punks!!
[21:42] Hanano
Why won't any of you fight with regular weapons?!
[21:46] Gintoki
Crap! I never thought you would bring a king.
[21:48] Gintoki
The elder is nothing in comparison…
At this rate…
[21:58] Hanano
Whoa! There's suddenly a giant hole in the roof of the cave!
[22:02] Gintoki
Oh, what's that?
[22:04] Gintoki
It's the dark lord! She has the dark lord!
[22:09] Kagura
The OwEe is mine!
[22:11] ---
Die, you fools!
[22:13] Okita
You've got to be kidding?! It’s cheating to use the dark lord.
[22:16] Okita
That's not fair! He's not a weapon! Die!
[22:19] Hijikata
Yours isn't a weapon, either!
[22:21] Gintoki
Damn it! I won't lose! I'll show you the elder's true power!
[22:25] Kagura
Where's the leader?! Is it you? Hey, spit it out!
[22:29] Gintoki
This is bad. I have to take a piss. Hold on! Time out! Pee time.
[22:33] Hijikata
I don't care about that, stupid!
[22:34] Gintoki
Hey! Kagura, I'm going to take a piss. In the meanwhile…
[22:43] Katsura
Leader, please stop.
[22:44] Hijikata
What's the deal with this gorilla-like guy?! Are you the leader?!
[22:51] Newscaster
Sale of the new OwEe game console has been halted due to the discovery of a serious flaw.
[22:53] Gintoki
Video games should only be played for an hour a day.
SIGN [Thank you for your support for the past two years. Please continue to support us (excluding certain areas).]
SIGN ["The More Something Is Disliked, The More Lovely It Is"]
[24:25] Gintoki
The next episode: The one hundredth episode!
[24:27] ---
GinTama's charging into its third year!
SIGN [Gintoki meets a man on the train. He is Konishi of JUMP's editorial department…]
SIGN [The GinTama anime has charged into its third year. Is this really an appropriate story for our commemorative one hundredth episode?]