E78 - "People who are picky about food are picky about people, too"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Shinpachi
    Kyubei Yagyu took Otae away.
[00:04] Shinpachi
    In an effort to rescue her, the Odd Jobs trio, led by Shinpachi,
[00:07] Shinpachi
    and three of the Shinsengumi, led by Kondo, challenged the Yagyu clan.
[00:13] Shinpachi
    But, the Four Aces of the Yagyu clan and their leader, Kyubei Yagyu, stand in their way.
[00:19] Shinpachi
    In order to take Otae back, they must take on the Yagyu in a six-on-six game of survival.
[00:25] Nishino
    That was too easy!
[00:28] Okita
    Hmph.
[00:28] ---
    I was waiting for that.
[00:30] Okita
    Now!
[00:37] Nishino
    The strategist is beaten by his own strategy!
SIGN    [Kagura and Okita together gave the Kodokan team a victory over Nishino.]
SIGN    [The second match is between Hijikata and Kitaoji. A match between a mayo maniac and a ketchup freak.]
[02:32] Shinpachi
    Okita-san...
[02:34] Kondo
    My god...
[02:35] ---
    Sogo... Not Sogo...
[02:39] Shinpachi
    This is terrible. It's snapped in two.
[02:43] Shinpachi
    They must've struck simultaneously...
[02:44] ---
    I can't see how he could've defeated this man on a broken leg.
[02:49] Shinpachi
    He probably defeated him, and then when he was exhausted...
[02:53] Kondo
    It can't be!
[02:55] Kondo
    There's no way Sogo would lose...
[02:59] ---
    Right, Sogo?
[03:02] Kondo
    You were the quickest study at our dojo.
[03:06] Kondo
    You surpassed everyone in no time at all.
[03:09] Kondo
    You're teasing me again, aren't you?
[03:12] ---
    I won't fall for that.
[03:16] ---
    Right, Sogo?
[03:17] Kondo
    Answer me, Sogo!
[03:22] ---
    They won't get away with this.
[03:23] Kondo
    They won't get away with this! I swear!
[03:25] Kondo
    Was it necessary to go this far?!
[03:27] ---
    Wasn't it supposed to end once the plate was broken?!
[03:28] Kondo
    Those bastards must enjoy...tormenting people!
[03:35] Shinpachi (M)
    Their cell phone...
[03:37] ---
    Maybe they left evidence of who did this to Okita-san...
[03:45] Kondo
    Dammit!
[03:46] ---
    Who the hell did such a cruel thing?!
[03:49] ---
    Sogo, I'll get revenge for you, I swear!
[03:52] ---
    Right, Shinpachi-kun?
[03:53] Shinpachi
    Dammit! Who did this to Okita-san?! I have no idea!
[03:58] Shinpachi
    If I ever find out, I'm seriously going to kill the bastard!
[04:00] Kondo
    Yeah! I'll kill the bastard, too!
[04:02] ---
    Huh? Why're you perspiring?
[04:07] Shinpachi
    It's hot in here. Turn on the air conditioner! Those dummies!
[04:11] Shinpachi
    Come on out! Where'd you go?! We're avenging Okita-san!
[04:21] Shinpachi
    Forgive us. We didn't know you were having a meal.
[04:23] Kondo
    Wrong room.
[04:27] Shinpachi/Kondo
    What the hell are you doing?!
SIGN    ["People Who Are Picky About Food Are Also Picky About People, Too"]
[04:36] Kitaoji
    Can't fight on an empty stomach.
[04:38] ---
    Care to join us?
[04:40] Kondo
    I'm not eating a meal prepared by the enemy!
[04:42] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san, what're you doing relaxing and taking it easy?
[04:45] Shinpachi
    Let's have the three of us take him out!
[04:47] Hijikata
    Hey! Don't interfere.
[04:50] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san!
[04:51] Hijikata
    I'm eating fried rice.
[04:53] Shinpachi
    You're having fried rice?!
[04:54] Kitaoji
    Pass the ketchup, will you?
[04:56] Hijikata
    Hm, this?
[04:57] Shinpachi
    Hey, what's going on here?
[05:00] ---
    There's no tension or anything here.
[05:02] Kitaoji
    Ordinary people wouldn't understand.
[05:04] Kitaoji
    The match has already begun.
[05:08] Kitaoji
    Samurai do things their own way, be it a meal or even how they hold their chopsticks.
[05:14] Kitaoji
    Everything they do in their daily life is training for their spirit.
[05:18] Kitaoji
    It is how a samurai builds a strong, iron-willed spirit.
[05:22] ---
    Toshiro Hijikata. Do you have that in you?
[05:29] Shinpachi
    Ketchup! That much ketchup on your rice omelet?!
[05:36] Kitaoji
    Let me say one thing.
[05:38] ---
    Everyone around me thinks I'm totally crazy for ketchup,
[05:42] ---
    but the truth is, I can't stand tomatoes.
[05:44] ---
    Just looking at one makes me want to puke.
[05:48] Kitaoji
    By eating what I detest in excess, I build up an unbendable strong spirit.
[05:54] Kitaoji
    Now I've come to love the tomatoes that I once couldn't eat
[05:57] Kitaoji
    and even eat my tomatoes with ketchup.
[05:59] Kondo (M)
    That's not training. That's just plain unhealthy.
[06:02] Kitaoji
    Could you do what I did?
[06:06] Kitaoji
    Wh-What is that white stuff?!
[06:08] Hijikata
    Mayonnaise!
[06:11] Kitaoji (M)
    M-Mayonnaise...
[06:13] ---
    Mayonnaise on fried rice?! They don't go together!
[06:18] ---
    Could he also be...?
[06:21] Hijikata
    Let me say one thing.
[06:24] ---
    Everyone around me thinks I'm a total mayo maniac,
[06:27] ---
    but the truth is, I can't stand mayonnaise.
[06:29] ---
    Just seeing that red cap makes me want to puke.
SIGN    [Note: Japanese mayo comes in a plastic squeeze bottle with a red cap.]
[06:34] Shinpachi (M)
    He's lying!
[06:36] Kondo (M)
    He's lying through his teeth because he doesn't want to lose!
[06:38] Kondo (M)
    That mayo maniac!
[06:39] Kitaoji
    Hmph.
[06:40] ---
    I see they don't call you the Demon Vice-Chief for nothing.
[06:44] ---
    That was quite an interesting meal.
[06:47] Hijikata
    I need a smoke. Do you have an ashtray?
[06:53] Kitaoji
    Where's your thanks for the meal before you smoke?
[06:56] Hijikata
    Thanks for the god-awful meal.
[06:58] Kitaoji
    Here...
[06:59] Kitaoji
    Your ashtray!
[07:10] Kitaoji
    You have faster reflexes than I expected.
[07:13] Kitaoji
    You possess exceptional physical skills...reflexes...
[07:17] ---
    Intuition and courage nurtured by surviving numerous close calls with death.
[07:20] Kitaoji
    Fight-tested sword skills indeed.
[07:23] Kitaoji
    Most ordinary swordsmen would be no match for you.
[07:26] Kitaoji
    But that fighting style only works on third-rate swordsmen.
[07:30] Kitaoji
    It won't work in a duel between two masters.
[07:33] Hijikata
    You? A master?
[07:36] Hijikata
    You look like you've never even killed a bug in your life, sonny.
[07:41] Kitaoji
    Killing each other is not all there is to swordsmanship.
[07:44] ---
    Bring it on!
[07:47] Hijikata
    You're...all talk!
[07:51] Kitaoji
    I know what you're going to do.
[07:53] Kitaoji
    You use a head-on attack that leaves you open for your enemy to attack.
[07:57] Kitaoji
    And when he does, you use your quick instincts to parry the blow.
[08:01] Hijikata
    I can read...your moves as well!
[08:06] Kitaoji
    Your instincts are too sharp.
[08:13] Kondo
    Toshi!
[08:15] Kitaoji
    You twisted your body to protect the plate from the blow.
[08:17] Kitaoji
    Your instincts are truly impressive.
[08:20] Kitaoji
    But that will be your demise.
[08:22] Kondo
    This is bad. That man figured out Toshi's habits in such a short time.
[08:27] Kondo
    In the real-sword fighting style that we Shinsengumi are proud of,
[08:31] Kondo
    taking a single blow from an opponent means certain death.
[08:35] Kondo
    That's why the ability to sense danger is an absolute requirement.
[08:41] Kondo
    The ability to sense your opponent's movements using a highly honed intuition...
[08:45] Kondo
    to stop the enemy's attack.
[08:47] Kondo
    Toshi is better at that than anyone.
[08:50] Kondo
    But this guy's dojo swordsmanship
[08:54] Kondo
    excels at surprise attacks to score points rather than killing blows.
[08:58] Kondo
    Versus this guy, Toshi's exceptional instincts work against him.
[09:03] Kondo
    Carrying that huge plate, he's forced to react quicker than usual.
[09:08] Kondo
    That guy will attack Toshi's openings.
[09:10] Kondo
    He'll feign an attack and back off.
[09:12] Kondo
    Act like he's backing away,
[09:14] Kondo
    then strike.
[09:19] Kondo
    Toshi will unconsciously react... to that guy's countless feints.
[09:22] Kondo
    That guy will do it over and over again.
[09:25] Kondo
    He is unmistakably a master.
[09:30] Kondo
    His is a dojo sword style that can bend the minds of others to his will.
[09:39] Kitaoji
    If this were a dojo match, I'd have already scored multiple times.
[09:42] ---
    And if this were a real fight, you'd have already lost your life.
[09:48] Kitaoji
    Give it up already.
[09:50] Kitaoji
    You'll be stuck on the defensive with that huge plate.
[09:58] Kitaoji
    You still want to continue?
[10:00] Hijikata
    A point, two points...it doesn't matter how many you get-it's all irrelevant!
[10:05] Hijikata
    A fight with real swords means you have to keep fighting even if you lose an arm or a leg.
[10:10] Hijikata
    Just so long as your head is still attached.
[10:14] ---
    This is why I detest the barbaric country samurai fighting style...
[10:18] Hijikata
    By the way, I borrowed an ashtray.
[10:20] ---
    I can't get going without a smoke.
[10:26] Kitaoji (M)
    Is that my plate?!
[10:27] Kitaoji
    Damn you, when did you...
[10:29] Kitaoji
    When?!
[10:34] Kitaoji (M)
    Huh? I still have it.
[10:38] Kitaoji (M)
    That's...from earlier...
[10:41] Hijikata
    I don't know if you'd call that a feint,
[10:43] Hijikata
    but I won't lose to you when it comes to deception.
[10:53] Hijikata
    For all the ketchup you poured on your rice omelet,
[10:56] Hijikata
    you kept it to a reasonable amount.
[10:57] Hijikata
    You're unable to break away from your set forms.
[11:00] Hijikata
    That's the limitation of dojo swordsmanship.
[11:04] Kitaoji
    I put mayonnaise even on dessert.
[11:08] Hijikata
    Come. I'll show you what real fighting is.
[11:23] Kitaoji
    Fights, real battles...
[11:25] Kitaoji
    In my time, I've seen many like yourself who shout such words
[11:29] Kitaoji
    and make light of dojo practice.
[11:32] Kitaoji
    They lose the match,
[11:34] Kitaoji
    but claim their swordsmanship is more suited to actual battle.
[11:36] Kitaoji
    They claim they wouldn't lose if it had been with real swords.
[11:38] Kitaoji
    Those are all excuses.
[11:41] Kitaoji
    That drivel is what people who don't practice say.
[11:46] Kitaoji
    I've heard enough.
[11:48] Kitaoji
    No matter how much natural ability you have,
[11:49] Kitaoji
    no matter how many times you've been in a real fight,
[11:52] Kitaoji
    you cannot win against someone who trains everyday.
[11:54] Kitaoji
    That's what I believe.
[11:56] ---
    But, there are some who believe my thinking is old-fashioned.
[11:59] Kondo (M)
    It's old, all right. And so it that deformity.
[12:01] Kitaoji
    Anyone who thinks my deformity is old-fashioned is really the old-fashioned ones.
[12:04] Kondo (M)
    No, yours is beyond old.
[12:06] Hijikata
    Hey, what's with your eyes?
    Why do they look like butts?
[12:10] Kondo
    You're more rude than old-fashioned.
[12:12] Kitaoji
    While you were wildly swinging your swords around screaming about fights and real battles,
[12:16] Kitaoji
    we were doing everything we could to train ourselves.
[12:20] Kitaoji
    You people cannot win against us.
[12:22] Hijikata
    No, no, you're certainly deadly with words. Now, let's try swords.
[12:28] Kitaoji
    Fool! Learn your lesson!
[12:33] Kitaoji
    Hmph.
[12:34] ---
    Your attack pattern never changes.
[12:40] Kitaoji (M)
    No matter how many times you attack
[12:42] Kitaoji (M)
    as long as you carry that huge plate, you'll always have to be on the defensive.
[12:47] Kitaoji (M)
    If I show any sign of striking at that plate, you'll always switch to the defensive.
[12:51] Kitaoji (M)
    Even if you know I'm feinting, you'll bite. That will leave you open.
[12:58] Kitaoji (M)
    Here's the bait. Bite.
[13:00] Kitaoji
    You're just a small fry!
[13:03] Kitaoji
    What?
[13:04] Hijikata
    I'm sick of your cheap bait.
[13:06] Hijikata
    If you want to land this fish, bring me a full course meal smothered in mayonnaise.
[13:13] Hijikata
    No more fishing me out!
[13:16] Hijikata
    I won't...retreat anymore!
[13:20] Kitaoji (M)
    A high-speed attack to counter the feints.
[13:22] Kondo
    His plan is to mount a ferocious attack so his enemy has no time to counter-attack.
[13:26] Kondo
    Offense is the best defense. He's finally acting like himself.
[13:31] Kitaoji
    I see you're trying to finish this.
[13:33] Kitaoji
    But you can't launch a decisive attack in a place with such poor footing.
[13:37] Kitaoji
    Your movement is hampered, so you'll just exhaust yourself.
[13:41] Kitaoji
    What's more, you have a fatal weakness.
[13:44] Hijikata
    Don't give me that!
[13:46] Kitaoji
    I can read your moves like a book.
[13:49] ---
    Monotonous brute force strikes that never change.
[13:54] ---
    No matter how many times you swing, you won't be able to hit me even once.
[13:59] Hijikata
    You may be able to read my sword...
[14:01] Hijikata
    But you can you read my feet underwater?!
[14:07] Kitaoji
    You said I'm stuck in my set forms,
[14:10] Kitaoji
    but from what I can see, you're the one stuck in set forms.
[14:14] Kitaoji
    Thousands, tens of thousands of patterns and counters have been hammered into my body.
[14:18] Kitaoji
    I have learned every possible set form.
[14:24] Kitaoji
    It's more reliable than the simple intuition and instinct you rely on.
[14:28] Kitaoji
    In a duel, it manifests as a split-second difference in decision-making.
[14:36] Kitaoji
    In a duel between masters, that difference becomes fatal!
[14:41] Kitaoji
    This is the difference between you and me.
[14:43] Kitaoji
    Neglecting to work hard because you were too full of your own natural ability will be your downfall!
[14:48] Kitaoji
    This is the strength of the dojo swordsmanship...that you mocked!
[14:54] Shinpachi
    Oh no!
[14:55] ---
    That guy is insanely strong! Kondo-san, let's help him!
[15:01] Shinpachi
    Kondo-san!
[15:03] Kondo
    Sorry. Please don't assist him.
[15:06] Shinpachi
    What...?
[15:07] Kondo
    It's hard to hold back when Otae-san is at stake,
[15:10] Kondo
    but he hates to lose more than anyone.
[15:12] ---
    If you interfere, he'll kill you.
[15:16] Shinpachi
    You say he hates to lose, but if this continues, he'll lose anyway!
[15:20] Kondo
    Maybe so.
[15:22] ---
    But if we assist Toshi, it will mean that I didn't trust him.
[15:27] Kondo
    He knows better than anyone that street style sword fighting won't defeat that guy.
[15:32] Kondo
    Right, Toshi?
[15:35] Kondo
    It happened a long time ago, before we came to Edo,
[15:39] Kondo
    when I was still training in our dojo out in the country.
[15:42] Kondo
    There was a young thug who went around making a lot of trouble.
[15:45] Kondo
    He was a loner with excellent fighting skills.
[15:48] ---
    A delinquent who went looking for fights at all the dojos in the area and beat them up.
[15:53] Kondo
    The guys at country dojos are all hot-blooded punks.
[15:58] Kondo
    They were losing face and decided to join together to beat the guy up.
[16:05] Kondo
    They had no Bushido honor of fighting one-on-one.
[16:08] Kondo
    Anyway, the kid deserved it. So I went to watch.
[16:13] Kondo
    Turns out the kid had balls.
[16:17] Kondo
    Even against large numbers, he wasn't a bit intimidated.
[16:19] Kondo
    Instead of apologizing,
[16:21] Kondo
    he went on a rampage against the large group, taking down one after another.
[16:26] Kondo
    Damn was he strong.
[16:31] Kondo
    But there was no way he could win against such numbers.
[16:35] Kondo
    In the end, he kept fighting until he was beaten to a pulp.
[16:40] Kondo
    I debated what to do and then decided to bring him back to my dojo.
[16:45] Kondo
    He looked like he would've died If I left him there
[16:48] Kondo
    and he seemed like an interesting fellow.
[16:52] Young Kondo
    333! 334!
[16:58] Young Kondo
    I can't do any more. That's my limit. My arms are gonna fall off.
[17:02] Kondo’S Grandfather
    Don't give up so easily!
[17:04] Kondo’S Grandfather
    At this rate, I'll never be able to pass on the dojo to you!
[17:07] Kondo’S Grandfather
    I'll probably die soon. What'll you do then?
[17:10] Young Kondo
    What's the point of swinging this heavy log?
[17:13] Young Kondo
    My hands are covered with blood blisters!
[17:15] Kondo’S Grandfather
    Swordsmanship is not about technique. It's about attitude, fool!
[17:18] ---
    Swinging that log improves your sword skill and strengthens your character!
[17:21] ---
    It grounds you!
[17:22] ---
    Don't swing with your hands.
[17:24] ---
    Discipline your breathing and swing with your entire body!
[17:28] Kondo’S Grandfater
    Look at Sogo.
[17:29] Kondo’S Grandfater
    He's so tiny, but he's swinging that thick log. Isn't he amazing?
[17:33] Kondo’S Grandfather
    You are amazing. I knew you had it in you. You are a prodigy.
[17:39] Kondo’S Grandfather
    Huh? Is this peeling?
[17:42] Kondo’S Grandfather
    This is nothing but tree bark.
[17:45] Young Kondo
    Good grief. This is why nobody wants to train here.
[17:49] ---
    Huh?
[17:56] Young Kondo
    Give it a try?
[18:00] Young Kondo
    Maybe not. Not with those injuries.
[18:05] Young Kondo
    From what I can tell, you're blessed with natural talent.
[18:08] Young Kondo
    You haven't studied under anyone, but your movements and instinct are extraordinary.
[18:14] Young Kondo
    But you can't win on talent alone.
[18:16] Young Kondo
    In the end, it's the guy who works hard that wins.
[18:23] Young Hijikata
    Not interested.
[18:26] Young Hijikata
    Nobody becomes a great swordsman by playing with lumber.
[18:30] Young Kondo (M)
    He's just a punk, after all.
[18:33] Kondo
    But despite his words, he stayed.
[18:37] Kondo
    He watched us train like a hungry wolf watching a herd of bacon-wrapped sheep.
[18:42] Kondo
    But one day, even though his wounds hadn't fully healed, he disappeared from the dojo.
[18:47] Kondo
    I was worried and went looking for him.
[18:49] Punk A
    Move, you!
[18:51] Punk A
    We're on our way to raid the Kondo dojo!
[18:56] Punk B
    We heard they were sheltering you!
[18:59] Punk B
    Why'd they do that?!
[19:01] Young Hijikata
    That's why I left. They're not involved anymore. Leave them alone.
[19:07] Punk A
    You may have nothing to do with them, but we still do!
[19:10] Punk B
    Before we beat up the Kondos, we'll kick the crap out of you!
[19:26] Kondo
    He had become stronger than before.
[19:29] Kondo
    Despite his injuries,
[19:31] Kondo
    he possessed a solid framework to his form that hadn't been there before.
[19:37] Kondo
    I couldn't just stand by and watch.
[19:44] Kondo
    In the end, he and I were the only ones left standing.
[19:46] Kondo
    Surrounded by our defeated enemies.
[19:50] Young Hijikata
    Why're you here?
[19:52] Young Kono
    You can't use our sword style to act like a ruffian.
[19:57] Young Hijikata
    When did I ever join your school? And besides, you did a lot of fighting yourself.
[20:03] ---
    For crying out loud, What are you, some sort of good Samaritan?
[20:06] Young Hijikata
    I was trying to return your favor, but now I owe you again.
[20:10] Young Kondo
    You don't owe me anything.
[20:12] ---
    Come back and visit us anytime. You're already one of our students.
[20:16] Young Hijikata
    Like I said before-when did I ever join your school?
[20:19] Young Kondo
    Those hands...
[20:21] Young Kondo
    Are the proof.
[20:23] Young Kondo
    How many times did you swing it? Even I didn't get that many blisters.
[20:28] Young Kondo
    No wonder your injuries were slow to heal.
[20:31] Young Hijikata
    These aren't blisters.
[20:33] Young Hijikata
    My hand got caught in the automatic door of the Yotsukoshi Department Store.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Mitsukoshi Department Store.]
[20:42] Kondo
    That's who Toshiro Hijikata is.
[20:46] Kondo
    He never expresses his feelings to anyone.
[20:49] Kondo
    And he never shows it on his face.
[20:51] Kondo
    But I know...
[20:53] ---
    Back then, and now...
[20:56] Kondo
    The only thing he cares about is sword fighting.
[21:01] Kitaoji (M)
    He's hiding his sword underwater so I can't read where it's coming from.
[21:05] Kitaoji
    Nice try!
[21:06] Kitaoji
    Do you think that'll work on me now?!
[21:09] Kondo
    No one trains harder than him.
[21:11] ---
    Certainly,
[21:13] Kondo
    compared to the showy sword style of the Yagyu,
[21:15] Kondo
    it might be a rough and unpolished country style, but...
[21:19] Kondo
    his sharply honed sword skills...
[21:26] Kondo
    can slice through steel!
[21:36] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san!
[21:37] Hijikata
    Sorry for the wait.
[21:39] Kondo
    Toshi, you got beaten by him pretty badly this time.
[21:43] Hijikata
    Huh? These aren't from that guy.
[21:51] Hijikata
    I got caught in the automatic door of the Marui Department Store.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of OIOI Department Store.]
[23:33] Tojo
    So Nishino and Kitaoji are both out?
[23:37] Tojo
    I wasn't expecting the enemy to do this well.
[23:39] ---
    I miscalculated a bit.
[23:41] Tojo
    I thought with Kitaoji there, the three of you would be enough...
[23:47] Tojo
    Now there are five of them, and we're already down to three...
[23:52] Minamito
    Tojo-san, we have four. I'm still in.
[23:56] Minamito
    One of the Four Aces: Sui Minamito.
[23:58] ---
    I got caught off guard and they roughed me up a bit,
[24:00] ---
    but the plate is still intact.
[24:02] ---
    Please give me another chance to make up for it.
[24:04] Tojo
    Oh, that's right. Then...
[24:09] Tojo
    Now there are three.
[24:13] Tojo
    Having someone like you around would only disgrace the name of the dojo.
[24:18] Tojo
    I, Ayumu Tojo, head of the Four Yagyu Aces will not forgive anyone
[24:21] Tojo
    who tarnishes our Young Lord's name.
[24:26] Kondo
    The next episode ... "Four Heads are Better than One."
SIGN    [Tojo ruthlessly eliminated Minamito. Kyubei finally joins the battle!]
SIGN    [Meanwhile, Gintoki and Kondo are engaged in an epic struggle.]