E40 - Give a Thought to Planned Pregnancy Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    [Trailer] SIGN    [Starring Jo Otononaji SIGN    [Note: Name literally means "adult circumstances"] [00:06] Jo     No way! [00:08] Jo     I'd rather die than bend my principles! SIGN    [The time to fight is now.] [00:16] Jo     Aliens?! It's all over! [00:20] Narrator     Yakuza? Or aliens? Which one will survive? [00:23] Narration     Alien vs. Yakuza SIGN    [Alien vs. Yakuza」 SIGN    [Now playing」 [00:26] Jo     Hey, Otsune. A man talks with his back. SIGN    [“Alien vs. Yakuza” starring Jo Otonanoji a.k.a. “Jo Bro”」 SIGN    [The hit movie now playing in Edo. Even that man cried emotional tears.] [02:08] Security Guard A     Why’s it have to be just before quitting time? [02:11] Security Guard B     Seems something alien attached itself to the fuselage during the flight. [02:16] Security Guard A     Huh? You’re not suggesting an alien or something is stuck to it…? [02:20] Security Guard B     Which reminds me. Did you see “Alien vs. Yakuza”? Man, it was awesome… [02:25] Security Guard A     I haven’t seen the series since “Alien 2.” [02:28] ---     Really, it’s not that good, is it? [02:31] Security Guard B     No, you’ve got to see it. [02:32] ---     The latest one’s awesome! [02:34] ---     There’s this army of aliens, right, and they fight a bunch of Jo Bro clones… [02:38] ---     …and no matter which side wins, only death awaits them in Edo! [02:41] Security Guard A     Why’s that? Why’s Edo going to be destroyed because of Jo Bro? [02:45] Security Guard B     You know what? I was actually more afraid of Jo Bro. [02:48] Security Guard A     That so? Then let’s hope it’s not Jo Bro that’s stuck to the fuselage. [03:00] Security Guard A     It’s for real! [03:02] Umibozu     Shut up! Keep your voices down! [03:05] Umibozu     I’ve got a hangover and my head is absolutely killing me! [03:10] ---     I come all the way to Earth and still I’ve got to exterminate Aliens. [03:18] Umibozu     For crying out loud… [03:19] ---     This was supposed to be a personal trip. [03:21] ---     You guys mechanics? [03:23] Umibozu     There’s a good chance that monster’s main body has escaped into Edo. [03:27] Umibozu     Edo’s in big trouble. [03:30] Umibozu     Would you tell the police for me? [03:34] Umibozu     Just tell them Umibozu’s calling. SIGN    ["Give a Thought to Planned Pregnancy"] [03:45] Kagura     Hello? Odd Jobs. [03:47] Con Artist     Hello. It’s me. Me. [03:50] Kagura     Who are you? [03:52] Con Artist     It’s me! I’m in big trouble. [03:56] Kagura     Is that you, Gin-chan? [03:57] Con Artist     That’s right. It’s Gin-chan… Gin-chan. [04:00] ---     I got into an accident and hit a pregnant woman. I’m in deep trouble. [04:03] Kagura     Finish her off and run away. [04:05] Con Artist     What?! How could you say that? That’s awful! [04:08] ---     Anyway, I need money. If you don’t hurry, I’ll be arrested. [04:12] Kagura     Seriously? [04:14] Con Artist     I need you to immediately deposit the money to this bank account… SIGN    [Note: In Japanese, the word “deposit” sounds similar to the term that means “throwing rice.”] [04:24] Gintoki     That hurt. I wiped too hard. [04:27] ---     Man, we’ve got to get a bidet. [04:30] Gintoki     Huh? Did somebody just leave? [04:33] Shinpachi     Yeah. That was Kagura-chan. [04:35] ---     She went rushing out in a panic after taking a call. [04:39] Gintoki     What’s that about? [04:40] Shinpachi     Must’ve been a call from her home. Maybe they want her to return. [04:45] Gintoki     That’d be great. It’d be a lot quieter around here. [04:49] Shinpachi     More importantly… [04:50] Shinpachi     Gin-san, you gotta check this out. [04:52] Gintoki     The “It’s Me” con artist? [04:55] Shinpachi     It’s a new scam where the con artist calls on the phone without saying their name, [04:57] Shinpachi     just saying “It’s me” and letting you assume it’s someone you know. [05:00] Shinpachi     Then they say they’re in trouble and need you to wire money to them. [05:06] Gintoki     I wouldn’t deposit money no matter who was in trouble. [05:08] Gintoki     Remember that, Shinpachi. [05:10] Gintoki     The only one who’d fall for that is some stupid girl with Amazonian strength. [05:21] Okita     Umibozu? What’s that? [05:23] Member A     You don’t know, Okita-san? Everybody knows. [05:28] Okita     Let me see that. [05:29] Member B     Hey, don’t push. [05:31] Member C     Phew! Somebody reeks! Wash your underarms! [05:33] Member A     In simple terms, he’s an alien buster. [05:37] ---     A space exterminator who hunts and eradicates the most dangerous aliens in the galaxy. [05:42] Member A     He’s celebrated as the strongest of all the exterminators. [05:45] Member A     He has secret ties with planetary authorities everywhere. [05:50] Member A     He’s a man who has traveled the stars and battled countless monsters. [05:55] Member A     He’s known only as “Umibozu”… He’s a living legend. [05:59] Okita     Ohh… So what’s a legend doing here? [06:02] Member A     Seems an alien escaped into Edo. [06:05] Kondo     We appreciate you coming here to warn us. [06:08] Kondo     We will handle it from here, so please rest assured. [06:11] Kondo     However, I never thought I would meet the Umibozu. I am honored. [06:18] ---     Are you here on Earth to hunt aliens? [06:21] Umibozu     You say that like I’m hunting mushrooms! [06:23] Umibozu     I’m here on private business. [06:25] ---     I’m pursuing someone much more troublesome than any alien. [06:30] Kondo     Someone who troubles even the famed Umibozu-dono? [06:32] ---     A woman, I take it. [06:36] Umibozu     She is indeed a woman. No question about that. SIGN    [Oedo Bank & Trust] [06:45] Banker     Ma’am, what’re you doing?! [06:47] Kagura     I’m sorry. Gin-chan told me on the phone! He’ll get in trouble if I don’t “throw rice!” [06:53] Banker A     Huh? Throw rice? [06:55] ---     Miss, Miss… [06:56] ---     You don’t throw rice. Don’t you mean “deposit”? [06:59] Kagura     Anyway, I have to do this! [07:01] Banker A     No, you must be referring to “deposit”! [07:04] Kagura     Don’t bother me, four eyes! [07:07] Banker B     We’re sorry about the commotion. [07:09] Banker B     Sir, how can I help you? Sir? [07:13] Hijikata     What? Umibozu? [07:16] Hijikata     What’s such a big shot doing here? [07:19] Kondo     Huh? Toshi, is something wrong? [07:21] Harada     It’s nothing, Chief. [07:24] Kondo     We have to act quickly or we’ll have a major problem. [07:27] Kondo     A parasitic alien has entered Edo. [07:31] Hijikata     Alien? [07:34] Hijikata     It’s all over, Alien!! [07:37] Harada     Prepare for Samurai Justice!! [07:39] Kondo     Hey, Toshi, what’s going on? Did something happen? [07:41] Hijikata     Jo Bro, we shall avenge you!! [07:43] Kondo     Jo-san? What happened? Did something happen to a guy named Jo-san? [07:46] Harada     Jo Bro, we love you!! [07:48] Kondo     I don’t entirely understand… but listen carefully. [07:52] Kondo     This alien can take over any organism—a dog, a cat— anything as its host. [07:56] Kondo     Its intelligence is low, but its adaptability makes it deadly! [08:01] Kondo     The quickest way to tell if someone’s been taken over by it is to look at their face. There will be bruises. [08:04] Kondo     Look for a panda! The parasite’s host… [08:07] Kondo     will have black circles around their eyes. [08:09] Kondo     Understand, men? Look for a panda! We must… [08:12] Kondo     stop it before it causes any damage. Look for a panda! [08:15] Kondo     Not like…a real panda…you know. [08:20] Ketsuno Announcer     I’m at the Oedo Bank & Trust, where a robber has barricaded himself inside. [08:25] Ketsuno Announcer     We can see the robber’s face! What are those dark circles around his eyes? [08:28] Ketsuno Announcer     He must be sleep deprived! [08:30] Okita     A panda. SIGN    Testing, testing… [08:33] ---     This is a message for the robber! [08:34] Officer     You are completely surrounded. [08:36] Officer     Come out peacefully. [08:40] Gintoki     We’re too late. [08:41] Shinpachi     What? You don’t mean that Kagura-chan did this? [08:43] ---     Kagura is responsible? [08:44] Gintoki     That’s right. She was tricked by the “It’s Me” scam and tried to deposit money. [08:50] Gintoki     But, of course, she doesn’t have any money. And that’s what led to this violent act. [08:53] Shinpachi     Oh no… What should we do? [08:55] Shinpachi     What can we do? [08:57] Shinpachi     Gin-san? [08:59] Officer     This is a message for the robber… [09:01] ---     Hey, what’re you people doing?! [09:03] Gintoki     I don’t think I can beat her, but if I don’t try to stop her, who will? [09:09] Gintoki     If her family were here, they’d do the same. [09:12] Shinpachi     G-Gin-san… [09:14] ---     I’m in too. [09:15] Officer     It’s too dangerous! [09:17] Shinpachi     Kagura-chan! [09:21] Gintoki/Shinpachi     Our mistake. [09:25] Onlooker     A monster! [09:28] Gintoki     Well… I’m glad… seems Kagura-chan isn’t the robber. [09:32] Shinpachi     Yes, you’re right. [09:34] Shinpachi     But wasn’t something attacking her? [09:36] Gintoki     That must’ve been, you know, her father. [09:39] Gintoki     That call must’ve been from her father. They were meeting here. [09:43] Shinpachi     Oh, so that was her father giving her a big hug. [09:47] Gintoki     They want time alone, just father and daughter. We really shouldn’t disturb their reunion… [09:49] Kagura     Gin-chan, that’s cruel. Why didn’t you rescue me? [09:54] Gintoki     What’re you doing? What’s that all over you?! Is that your father’s guts! [09:59] Kagura     I threw a lot of rice for you, Gin-chan. [10:02] Kagura     What happened to the priest? Did you settle it? SIGN    [Note: A play on the word ninpu meaning pregnant woman and shinpu meaning priest] [10:05] Gintoki     What’s this about a priest? How did that guy scam you?! [10:09] ---     What is that? [10:10] Gintoki     Is that your dad? [10:12] Kagura     That’s not my dad!! It just appeared and started spewing all over the place. [10:16] Shinpachi     It’s still spewing! [10:23] Shinpachi     Let go! Let go!! [10:24] Gintoki     Bad Kagura-chan! Let go of us! [10:26] Kagura     I’m taking both of you with me! [10:32] Umibozu     Oh, found you. [10:58] Gintoki     Hey, that umbrella… [11:01] Umibozu     I’ve been looking for you… Kagura. [11:10] Kagura     Pappy? [11:11] Gintoki/Shinpachi     Pa…Pappy?! SIGN    [Starring Jo Otononaji] [11:21] Jo     No way! [11:23] Jo     I’d rather die than break my principles! [11:26] Moviegoer A     I was totally moved. [11:27] Moviegoers B And C     Jo Bro is the best! [11:29] Hijikata     Yes, I cried. It was the best. [11:31] Student     Aliens are scum! [11:35] Jo     Aliens?! It’s all over! [11:39] Narrator     Yakuza? Or aliens? Which one will survive? [11:42] ---     Aliens vs Yakuza SIGN    [Aliens vs Yakuza] SIGN    [Now playing] [11:45] Jo     Hey, Otsune. A man talks with his back. [11:54] Okita     Testing, testing. [11:56] ---     This is a message for the alien. [11:57] Okita     You are completely surrounded. [11:59] Okita     Give up this pointless resistance and come out peacefully, alien. [12:03] Okita     Your mother back in your hometown is crying! [12:05] Okita     She didn’t raise you to be this kind of alien. [12:08] Yamazaki     What kind of alien is that? [12:09] Okita     It doesn’t matter if you’re an alien or human, [12:11] Okita     anyone who makes his mother cry is a loser. Right, mother? [12:15] Okita     Say something. [12:16] Yamazaki     What? She’s here? Its mother is here? [12:22] Kondo     Mommy doesn’t know you anymore… [12:25] Kondo     Ever since that day three years ago, mommy wants to say…she no longer has a son! [12:33] Members     Chief! [12:35] Hijikata     You’re dead meat, Alien scum! [12:37] Harada     Totally dead! [12:39] Member B     No, this isn’t an alien. [12:41] Member C     Chief, speak to me! [12:44] Yamazaki     Someone’s coming out. [12:46] Okita     Ready! [12:55] Umibozu     Just come with me! I’ll treat you to a marron parfait! [13:00] Kagura     Let go! Don’t walk so close! [13:03] Umibozu     What’s the matter? Are you embarrassed to be with your father?! [13:05] ---     What is it? What part of me is embarrassing? [13:08] ---     Tell me and pappy will fix it! [13:09] Kagura     It’s too late to fix it. [13:11] Umibozu     Kagura-chan, there’s nothing a man can’t fix! [13:15] ---     I can make amends for any mistake! [13:17] Kagura     It’s impossible! Once your hair falls out, it never comes back! [13:21] Gintoki     Excuse me, I’d like a marron parfait, too. [13:24] Gintoki     No, wait a minute. Maybe I’ll have a fruit parfait, after all. What should I have? [13:29] Hijikata     What? [13:34] Shinpachi     Umibozu?! [13:36] Shinpachi     Umibozu… What? He’s Kagura’s father?! [13:40] Gintoki     Umibozu? What is that, some sort of phantom? SIGN    [Note: "bozu" means priest, and is slang for bald.] [13:42] Gintoki     He’s not bald, but his hair is thinning. [13:45] Umibozu     Hey, what do you mean by “thinning”? [13:47] Umibozu     I’m just thin on top. [13:51] Shinpachi     Umibozu is the fiercest Alien Buster ever. [13:54] Shinpachi     His name is known throughout galaxy. The wandering exterminator. [13:57] Gintoki     Oh, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of him. The balding janitor. [14:01] Umibozu     It’s “buster”, not "janitor"! [14:03] ---     Who is this jerk? [14:06] Umibozu     He makes your Pappy mad. Can I kill him? [14:09] Kagura     Calm down, Thinner. [14:11] Umibozu     Thinner…? Huh? That sounds like “Winner,” so it might be cool. [14:16] Kagura     Thinner, let me introduce you. This guy with the hopeless specs is Shinpachi. [14:20] Shinpachi     What do you mean, hopeless? [14:21] Kagura     And this guy with the stupid fuzzy-head is Gin-chan. [14:24] Gintoki     What’s with the stupid? [14:26] Kagura     These are the guys I’m looking after while on Earth. [14:29] ---     Please get along. [14:30] Umibozu     Hmph. Are you sure they weren’t planning something illegal? [14:35] ---     The streets are overflowing with people who want to misuse the strength of the Yato. [14:39] Gintoki     What? What do you mean by “misuse”? [14:43] Gintoki     You talking about grating a radish on your head? [14:46] ---     A father who abandoned his daughter has no right to talk. [14:50] Umibozu     I’ve been hunting feverishly for her ever since [14:54] Umibozu     I took my eyes off her for a second and she disappeared. [14:56] Umibozu     Girls this age are difficult. They’re as fragile as a glass sculpture. [15:01] Gintoki     What’re you talking about? Your brain is as fragile as a glass sculpture! [15:05] Umibozu     You talk big, with your big hair. [15:08] Umibozu     But, when you pass thirty, it’ll happen so quickly. [15:10] Umibozu     Before you know it, the follicle goddess will abandon you too! [15:12] Shinpachi     Come on, stop that, you two! [15:14] Umibozu     At any rate, I can’t leave my daughter in the hands of someone like you. [15:18] Umibozu     I’m taking Kagura-chan home with me! [15:20] Kagura     You don’t get to decide that! [15:23] Umibozu     Kagura-chan, there’s no excuse for domestic violence! [15:26] Kagura     Pappy, you ignored your family and did whatever you pleased. [15:29] Kagura     I don’t want you meddling in my life now. [15:32] ---     I don’t interfere in your life…so don’t interfere in mine! [15:34] ---     I came to Earth on my own. I’ll go home on my own. [15:39] Umibozu     Kagura-chan… [15:40] Umibozu     Family is like a bird’s nest. [15:44] Umibozu     A bird can’t keep on flying forever. [15:47] Umibozu     If there’s no nest to go home to, she’ll eventually fall to the ground. [15:51] Kagura     Pappy, you’re a migratory bird. You don’t need a nest. [15:54] Kagura     I’m the same way. I don’t need a nest; a wooden perch is enough. [15:58] Umibozu     Then what’s so special about this wooden perch? [16:01] Umibozu     Is there something that you can only get here? [16:04] Kagura     What would I gain by going back home? [16:07] Kagura     I’ll perch wherever I like and fly from there. [16:10] Umibozu     Kid! Don’t talk like you know it all. [16:13] Kagura     You still think I’m a kid…Baldy? [16:19] Shinpachi     Huh? What is this feeling? [16:22] Gintoki     Hey, they’re going to… [16:24] Shinpachi     Kagura-chan! [16:38] Hijikata     All right, carefully move it outside. [16:40] Okita     Hijikata-san, what’re we going to use this nasty corpse for? [16:44] Hijikata     The Immigration officers said to bring it in. [16:48] Hijikata     Some VIP wants it, they said. [16:51] Hijikata     You’d think he could find something better to collect… [16:54] Okita     Is this the kind of monster Umibozu always fights? [16:58] Okita     Makes me wonder which one is the real monster. [17:00] Hijikata     And to think he’s that China girl’s father! Not exactly the family type. [17:07] Kondo     There are two kinds of men. [17:10] ---     One is the protective type who seeks to protect his home and family. [17:15] ---     The other is the hunter type who leaves that home in search of prey. [17:20] Kondo     In that man's eyes, I see the hunter. [17:23] Kondo     But even more… I see a beast. He’s not the type that can stay peacefully at home. [17:27] Kondo     I’m afraid that girl has lived a lonely life until now… [17:35] Passerby     What’s that?! [17:37] Passerby     What are they? Are they even human?! [17:41] Umibozu     Do you think I’d allow my unmarried daughter [17:44] Umibozu     to live with a man?! [17:47] Umibozu     That’s how you get [17:48] Umibozu     a marriage forced by pregnancy! [17:52] Kagura     I’m not a loose woman! [17:55] ---     And anyway, isn’t that how you married mommy?! [17:58] Umibozu     That bitch! She told you that?! [18:01] Kagura     You’ve got no right to preach, Pappy! [18:04] Umibozu     I do! [18:05] Umibozu     I won’t let you make the same mistake I did! [18:36] Kagura     Leave me alone already! [18:38] Kagura     That’s all you’ve ever done anyway!! [18:40] Kagura     So I’ll decide for myself where and how I’ll live! [18:46] Umibozu     Seems you really like this wooden perch. [18:51] Umibozu     Then all the more reason you should leave it. [18:54] Umibozu     Have you forgotten the beast blood that runs through our veins? [18:57] Umibozu     The Yato instinct that makes us roam in search of prey? [19:01] Umibozu     We are just beasts that can only live on the battlefield. [19:05] Umibozu     What happens when you put that beast in a peaceful place? [19:09] Umibozu     You forget who you are… [19:11] Umibozu     become self-destructive, hurt yourself… [19:13] Umibozu     Stay here, and you’ll snap this wooden perch in half. [19:19] Umibozu     If you love this place, then leave it. [19:21] Umibozu     If you don’t want to come home, then come with me. [19:24] Umibozu     This isn’t the place for you. This isn’t the sky we should fly in. [19:29] Kagura     No. I don’t want to live a life where I just give up. [19:34] Kagura     I’m going to change here. I know if I stay here, I can change. [19:39] Kagura     I’ll stay with Gin-chan and the others. [19:42] Umibozu     Gin-chan? That guy? What can a bum like him do? [19:48] Umibozu     You leave me no choice… [19:50] Umibozu     Then I’ll take you with me by force. [20:01] Kagura     Gin-chan! [20:04] Girl     Mommy! [20:05] Gintoki     What is it with you people?! [20:08] Kagura     Gin-chan, I… [20:14] Umibozu     What do you think you’re doing? [20:15] Umibozu     Don’t be sticking your nose into a family argument. [20:21] Gintoki     That was another wild fight. [20:24] Gintoki     You and your daughter are a pair! Like father like daughter, huh? [20:31] Gintoki     Go home. [20:34] Gintoki     The Earth’s too small for you, after all. [20:38] Gintoki     I think we can all see that now. Go home with your father. [20:42] Gintoki     Let’s make this good-bye. [20:47] Kagura     What? Why? Why are you saying that? [20:51] ---     I’m never going back… I’ll stay…forever…with you and the others… [20:57] ---     Wait… [20:57] Gintoki     Stop it! [21:00] Gintoki     Think about it. This isn’t where you belong, is it? [21:12] Kagura     Why…? [21:13] Kagura     Why…? [21:16] ---     Why…? SIGN     [22:55] Shinpachi     You fired her?! You fired Kagura-chan?! [22:58] Shinpachi     Does that mean she went home together with her father?! [23:00] ---     Gin-san, have you ever thought about Kagura-chan’s feelings? [23:04] Shinpachi     The next episode: "You Can't Judge a Movie by Its Title." [23:10] All     Third year, class Z, Ginpachi-sensei SIGN    [Third Year, Class Z, Ginpachi-sensei!] [23:15] Kondo     Stand! Bow! Take your seats! [23:21] Gintoki     For today's lesson, I'd like to explain the difference between “Alien” and “Amanto”. [23:26] Kagura     Sensei, I think the spelling for Alien is “Alien” not “Aliyan”. [23:31] Ginpachi     Shut up, this is more sophisticated and trendy. [23:35] Ginpachi     In the first place, I don’t want someone who can’t even speak proper Japanese to point that out. [23:40] Ginpachi     OK everyone, open the brochure for “Alien vs Yakuza”. [23:47] Hijikata     Sensei, I have misty eyes and I can’t read this. [23:51] Hijikata     Please avenge Jo Bro. [23:53] Ginpachi     Go to the nurse’s office and get a mayonnaise injection or something. [23:57] Ginpachi     First of all, Aliens are… [24:00] Kondo     Sensei! [24:01] Kondo     I found out I am really alien. What should I do? [24:05] Ginpachi     Go home and have a talk with your mom. [24:08] Okita     Sensei, I’m hungry. Why don’t we finish this class? [24:11] Ginpachi     Sensei has decided to have curry for lunch, so no. [24:14] Okita     What do you mean by that? [24:16] Ginpachi     It’s okay. There was no meaning from the very beginning. [24:20] Ginpachi     Okay, “Alien vs Yakuza” is now playing in theaters, so go and watch it, everyone. [24:25] All     Okay. [24:27] Shinpachi     I’m absolutely going to watch this movie. SIGN    [The End] SIGN    [Movie “Alien vs Yakuza”. Hasegawa is working part time at the movie theater.] SIGN    [Skit “Gin-san vs Sadaharu”. Movies are such a tough business.]